#not that I can say jack shit bc I’m. At work. but it’s almost just as funny to watch ppl flounder when you give noncommittal mmhm’s

[summer-fire]

My whole life has trained me for this

[scoobydoodean]

hot take ig but… dean wanting to contain jack was not cruel or even a bad idea…

first, it was not just dean’s idea. sam agreed, and cas had basically the same idea, just using the cage instead. but for some reason everybody ignores this!! second, containing dangerous people is what they always do. sam and cas have done so to dean. the s5 finale was all about locking up a dangerous powerful being. and there are other examples! third, jack was the most powerful being in the universe and had no soul meaning no ability to discern right from wrong. he was killing people! and they’ve always seen soulless people as dangerous. dean was willing to let sam die via the process of returning his soul bc he saw that soulless sam was not sam. and sam agreed!

like. yes dean was not handling the situation well, let alone gently, so i understand why sam and cas were frustrated. but his mother had just been killed (and ftr i do think cas was being kind of insensitive about it), and jack was still killing other people. dean’s allowed to be angry. he was being outwardly meaner, but sam was agreeing with him (he said a part of him wanted jack dead!) up until the point that dean actually agreed to kill jack for chuck.

idk i just feel like people really exaggerate dean’s actions in this situation especially in comparison to what sam and cas were saying and/or doing too. so i’m just wondering what you think of all of this? do you think dean was “right” or was he overreacting? or do you think the audience is too hard on dean (as always :/) about this? could this be another version of samdela effect? cause i feel like people misremember what the others were saying/doing in order to put more on dean…

also omg i just realized how long this became, so so sorry for the long rant!! if you can respond, thank you!

*opens my coat* would you care for some memes?

I will take your hot take and flambé it. When it comes to this subject, I don't feel inclined to be patient with fandom or carefully lay anything out piece by piece. I'm sick and tired of hearing about what a betrayal it was to put Jack in the box and how mean and evil and abusive it was blah blah blah cry me a river. I was there watching when that episode aired and saw how stupid everyone was about that episode in real time and it was annoying then and it continues to be annoying that almost no one seems to bother putting a single granule of thought into this episode or what Sam and Dean were thinking or what the stakes actually were. And yeah—it was not just Dean who did that despite the samdela effect hard at work causing people to insist Dean somehow forced Sam to go along with him when that categorically did not happen.

People act like Jack was just standing there shitting rainbows and unicorns out of his ass and Dean turned around and strangled him to death for it. What happened was Soulless Jack killed Sam and Dean's mom and then went off and turned someone into a pillar of salt for being an atheist and filled someone else's body with worms to punish them for not wanting to be turned into an angel. Then he showed up at the bunker trying to make nice in the most hauntingly emotionless way possible—calling killing Mary an accident and then in his next breath saying he snapped and killed her because she threatened to reveal that the manner in which he killed Nick was scary and disturbed. In other words—he made it very clear to Mary's sons that murdering her was not actually a fucking accident at all even while he was calling it one.

Jack: I know -- I know things have been bad. A-And, if it helps, I regret it. The accident. Sam: The -- The accident? Jack: What happened to Mary. She kept talking about my soul, t-that I didn't have a soul, and she kept pushing. Dean: Oh, so she made you do it. Jack: No, it -- it was me, but I didn't want this no-soul thing to become an issue between us. I guess I snapped. Before I knew it, it was all over. Dean: "It" being the accident.

So Sam and Dean tricked him (the most powerful being in all creation) into getting in a box and he sat in there for 10 minutes. Oh no. How horrible.

A lot of the stupid fandom response to this is rooted in the babyfication of Jack that ran rampant within fandom at the time and continues in many circles. I happen to like Jack, and when I say that, I mean that I actually like him, and not the fanon adultbabydestiellovechild the fandom invented who has the emotional and mental capacity of a two year old and can't understand the difference between right and wrong. The real Jack did understand, and the real Jack would be (and was when he returned) horrified by what soulless Jack did (and for more than just how it would impact him). Jack was always an emotional person who struggled to control great power, but he had a strong moral compass and he loved people. That Jack would never have subjected someone to the twisted biblical punishments soulless Jack did for the crime of not believing in god or in him???? That Jack would have thrown Dumah into a wall in a rage for the mere suggestion he kill people over their beliefs and said, "You're hurting people". That Jack also would have wanted Sam and Dean to lock him up to protect others.

Some of the fandom problem with this also has to do the soulless lore as a whole and the constant usage of Donatello as the "soulless people can manage" poster child. Which ignores not only soulless Jack's actual behavior and how deeply dangerous his powers make him, but... pretty much every other soulless person we ever saw in the series, from soulless Sam, to numerous victims of Amara who turned into raging murderers in season 11 after she ate their souls. Hell though—the same people who insist soulless Jack was some poor little baby who just needed gentle parenting probably also think there was nothing wrong with soulless Sam despite the fact that he watched his brother be assaulted multiple times and seemed to actively enjoy it. Just normal Sam things, right? Donatello is the exceptional soulless person—not the rule—and it's because it isn't in his best interest to make trouble.

The idea that soulless Jack could be molded was suggested by Cas, but he also (as you pointed out) ended up inquiring about putting Jack in The Cage, instead of the Ma'lak box (and after the Ma'lak box was destroyed, so it wasn't an option anymore).

Lbr—the misogyny also jumped out in this string of episodes. Countless posts one after the other about how stupid Mary was and how it was all her fault and Jack did nothing wrong. How dare she make Jack angry. God forbid. What a stupid, frail, illogical woman. She deserved to die long before that anyway because she was a terrible mother, right? I mean it was obvious this sort of nonsense would come from the fandom in advance, given how many people had meltdowns over Dean shooting Jack in the back (something that didn't hurt Jack in the least) to get him to stop strangling a black store clerk to death in 13.23. As always, the imagined frail little fee fees of the white adult baby that fans invented must supersede other people's lives. Jack should be allowed to throw whatever tantrums he wants and kill anyone he wants during them and in response, Dean should shush him and start singing lullabies and carry him to a rocking chair to nurse.

[its-time-to-write]

this is 100% self indulgent. no one asked for this except me and I have zero excuse for how it turned out. i have no defense, no witty rebuttal, no nothing. i wrote this because i wanted to, and at the very least i hope this inspires someone to write their borderline-self-insert fic and post it publicly.

this fic is set after season 3. enjoy😂

(oh now might also be a good time to mention how much I love Man City. bc it’s a lot.)

can’t hear my thoughts (i cannot hear my thoughts)

Calling Lake Como beautiful is like saying space is big. It’s true for sure, but it feels like an understatement. It’s June and the weather is absolutely gorgeous, perfect for the wedding you’re attending. It’s for two good friends of yours, and it’s going to be a party full of football royalty. You’re mostly excited to see friends who are WAGs from other teams who you’ve connected with over the past year and a half.

Oh, and you suppose it will be a nice vacation with Jamie, too.

You’re staying at a beautiful hotel that’s been open since 1910, and you swear you’ll never stay somewhere as beautiful again.

“Getting ideas for the house?” Jamie teases, and it sends a thrill down your spine with the way he refers to his house as your collective home. 

You grin as he spins you around the Suite Greta. Everything is golden, from the drapes to the pillows to the sun catching on his face.

“No,” you reply, “but maybe for a vacation home?”

Jamie laughs as he catches you up in his arms. “I could see us here in the next off-season. Not sure we’d get out much,” he muses and you wrap your arms around him as tight as they can go.

You’re here for a full week but Isaac’s wedding is only one day. You and Jamie have plans to see everyone who’s in town, as well as have some time to yourself.

“Sasha wants to go out for dinner tonight,” you tell Jamie as he unpacks his suitcase.

“Girls only, or will Jack be there?”

“Let’s see,” you hum as you scan the group chat. “Isabel said she and Erling will be there, so looks like it’s a couple’s thing. That’ll be fun, right?” you ask with just a hint of anxiety. Jamie and Jack are friends, they’ve run in the same circles for years, but you’re not sure how he’s going to feel about being outnumbered two to one, City to Richmond, at dinner.

“As long as Rodri ain’t there, I’m fucking chuffed,” he says as he lays out his suit on the bed.

“Chuffed? Is that a thing you say now?” you ask, flat on your back on the bed.

“Yep,” he replies. “I’m posh now, babe. Sorry you Americans can’t do it as well as we Brits.”

“I have it on good authority that we do it very well,” you smirk. “But I don’t think that’s something you’ll get to experience tonight. I haven’t seen Sash or Isa in ages, so we’ll probably talk for a long time and then I’ll be tired when we get back to the room.”

Jamie groans. “You’re sadistic, woman. The shit you put me through.”

You smile and remind him, “You’re the one who picked me, remember?”

—

Jamie is technically the one who picked you. You had just moved from America to London, got a temp job at a Richmond FC, and the rest is history. You don’t work at Richmond anymore, haven’t for a while, as you’ve been able to start your own thing in between attending matches and events and whatever else Jamie’s invited to. Being Jamie’s girlfriend is a full-time job on its own, and he definitely spoils you beyond what you’re used to. He’s the one who bought your dress for the wedding and it freaked you out just a little bit until you called Sasha (an angel, by the way) who laughed and talked you off the ledge. 

“Comes with the territory, babe. They’re just boys with more money than they know what to do with. Jack’d buy me the moon if he could figure out how. Enjoy it. It’s been a while since anyone’s seen Tartt this happy.”

So you do. You had been living together for almost a year now so you’d think that a dress wouldn’t push you over the edge, but there you go. You’re trying to be calmer about it. It’s better ever since you met Sasha and Isabel. 

You had been stuck in a room while Jamie talked to his old manager, and they had noticed your deer-in-the-headlights expression. You’re right in the middle of the two, age-wise, and from similar enough backgrounds.

“Here’s my number. Come over to my flat tomorrow for brunch. We’ll get you settled, babes,” Sasha had said. You went and it had been amazing to finally make real friends, even if they were technically on the opposing team. 

You’re excited to see them, excited for Isaac to finally get married, and excited to spend a full seven days with Jamie by your side. It’s going to be the best.

—

You enter the venue arm-in-arm with Jamie, practically dancing across the grass. The sun’s shining and there are all sorts of people you know and love. It feels a little surreal to be here. 

Earlier, back in the room, you had slipped into your dress carefully to avoid getting makeup stains on the front. The skirt fell just at your knees and puffed out ever so slightly, with thick straps instead of regular sleeves so you could fully enjoy the warm weather. 

“Do a spin,” he had said, voice full of glee. You’d acquiesced, twirling around to let the blue tile print billow out before he caught you, kissing your shoulder so as not to ruin your makeup. 

Now, you’re holding onto him and trying not to wrinkle his linen suit when you hear someone shout your name. 

“Sasha!” you screech, running toward her as best you can with your shoes on the grass. You squeeze each other into a tight hug, uncaring about about the state of her hot pink dress. 

“Hey man,” Jack says to Jamie, who grins and shakes his hand. “You’d think they haven’t seen each other in fucking ages.”

“It’s been twelve hours,” you say. “And before that it’s been like two months. Anyway, don’t you two have some football to discuss or something? Or headbands? Or-”

“Really short socks,” Sasha helpfully supplies. 

Jamie shakes his head. “Fuck off, Attwood.”

“Fuck you, Tartt,” she replies. 

“Oi, you two wouldn’t even be friends if it weren’t for me. You could be a little nicer,” Jamie says. 

“Oh is that Hughes?” Jack asks before either Sasha or Jamie can escalate. Their entire friendship is based off sniping one another and neither you nor Jack are particularly in the mood for it today. 

Jamie turns to look. “Oh mint, looks like things are starting. You saved us seats?”

“Yeah, with Haaland and Isabel,” Sasha returns, linking her arm through yours. “C’mon, did you get yourself a parasol?”

—

It’s the most beautiful wedding you’ve ever been to. Stella looks stunning in her gown, Isaac stoically sobs his eyes out while Colin surreptitiously hands him a tissue. Even Roy seems to be having a good time, but then again Keeley once told you that he “really fucking loves weddings.” You hadn’t believed her, but his lips are in a straight line instead of a frown so maybe she was right. 

There’s a group of City and Richmond players together, and it’s a little strange to see how friendly they are off the pitch. Dani is explaining something with lots of hand gestures to Phil while the rest of the group jokes around. 

Sasha sneaked you and Isabel away to get drinks for yourselves and you were about to get away unnoticed when Erling caught Isabel’s arm and asked for a drink too, so now you’re ordering for your boyfriends as well as yourselves. 

You don’t really care, there’s a part of you that’s reveling in the sheer joy of being young and hot. Sue you. 

“Cosmo, please,” you say while the girls order drinks of their own. Sasha raises an eyebrow so you shrug and say, “Jamie likes what he likes.”

She rolls her eyes and scoffs “Tartt,” but it’s with the affection of an older sister so you elbow her and ask, “What did Jack want?”

She makes a face. “Heineken. He also likes what he fuckin’ likes.” 

You wheeze out a laugh as Isabel comes to join you. She smiles as she sips from something lavender colored in a martini glass. She cuts an elegant figure in her yellow, billowy dress. You smooth your dress and open your mouth to say something when a voice calls your name. You look to see your ex walking up, hand-in-hand with his wife. You know, the one he left you for. 

“Jake,” you say in surprise. God, you need your brain to form coherent thoughts right now. “What are you doing here?”

He grins, far too wide and goofy to be real. Not like Jamie, you think. 

“Oh, you know, Emma’s loosely related to the bride on her dad’s side. She asked for an invite, so here we are. Who are you here for? Bride or groom?”

“Both, actually,” you reply automatically. Jake’s words are grating, not so much in content as they are in tone. He always had a way of saying things condescendingly, like everyone else was a stupid little kid. 

“Oh,” he says in what you think is supposed to be surprise, “that’s funny. I didn’t know you knew anyone out here. You’ve been living in England all alone, right?”

Emma just hovers by Jake’s shoulder. She’s not contributing anything to this conversation except a snooty little smirk. 

“No,” you say. “I’m not alone. This is Isabel, by the way.” You look around for Sasha, but she’s disappeared. Smart girl. 

Isa doesn’t extend her hand. “Nice to meet you,” she says and Jake takes her at her word. He puffs up his chest a little bit as he asks, “Where are you from? You don’t sound British.”

“We’re from Norway,” a voice behind her says. “I’m Erling.”

Sasha has reappeared with Jack, Erling, and Jamie in tow. You mentally congratulate her with a well done, Sash as you feel Jamie’s arm loop around your waist. 

He feels like a solid wall against your back, a glimmer in an otherwise garbage moment. 

Jake takes stock of the three men who are looking at him with less-than friendly stares. You’re not sure what Sasha told them, but you’re absolutely positive Jamie recognizes Jake. You can practically feel the hairs on his arm bristling. 

Jake finishes his assessment and deems it appropriate to talk. “So, how do you all know each other?”

Jamie scoffs and looks away, while Jack stares at Jake like he can’t believe what he’s hearing. 

You wonder what it is with your affinity for J-names. 

“We’re footballers,” Erling says before anyone can take more offense. 

“Premier League footballers,” Jamie adds, as if it means anything to Jake. 

Jake’s American, like you, and he’s never been much for sports anyway. He wouldn’t even recognize David Beckham if the man were standing under a poster of himself. 

Jake says, “Right. Hey, weren’t you on one of those trashy dating shows?” and Jamie stiffens. 

Sasha mutters, “Fuck’s sake,” under her breath as Erling and Isabel take pointed interest in something in the distance.  

“No,” Jamie replies shortly. “The fuck were you talking to my girl?”

Jake looks to you in surprise. “Oh! You two are together? That’s… well, that’s… I guess I just didn’t expect her to be whoring around like that. But hey, move to another country and all morals go out the window, right?”

That’s the thing about Jake. He never speaks as if he’s actually trying to be offensive. He just says what’s on his mind. And you’re a little concerned that what’s on his mind is going to land Jamie (and quite possible Jack) in jail. Neither of them are especially known for backing down from a squabble. “Cut from the same cloth,” Pep was rumored to say. 

“Fuck off, mate,” Jack interjects. “Just fuck off. Everyone here loves her, and you can’t talk about her like that.”

Your ex reevaluates the situation at hand and decides the best thing to do would be to take Emma’s hand and walk away. 

“Strange that his wife does not speak,” Erling remarks. 

You grimace. “You could’ve stopped at ‘strange.’ No idea what I ever saw in him.”

Jamie has a crushing grip on your waist so you wiggle a bit to get him to loosen up. 

“Prick,” he mutters. “How the fuck did he even get here, anyway? He’s in fucking America.”

“His wife’s loosely related to Stella. They asked for an invite,” Isabel volunteers. 

Jamie rolls his eyes. “Oi, if he tries to talk to you again, I’ll grab Roy and we’ll fucking kill him.”

“Yeah, ‘cause McAdoo’s never been above a little violence at a party,” Jack grins. 

You return his smile and say, “Thanks, but I’m pretty sure his mother-in-law would kill you.”

Erling huffs out a laugh. “Never a dull moment in the Premier League, is there?”

Isabel grins and loops her arm through his. “I’m tired of all this,” she says.  “Let’s go dancing. There’s a band and we don’t have to think about anything other than celebrating, yes?”

“God yes,” says Sasha.

Jamie still looks murderous, but you squeeze his hand once and whisper, “I’m fine, babe. It’s fine.”

He looks like he wants to argue, but he lets you pull him along to the dance floor with the group.

— 

There are so many people that you don’t even catch a glimpse of Jake and Emma. You’re not sure what they’re up to, and fairly certain they don’t know anyone else here. You on the other hand, are living your best life as Jamie sings along to “Ain’t No Mountain.” He’s swinging your arms around as he sways in time to the music. You just let him lead you however he wants. The song ends and he presses his lips to your ear so you can hear him over the sheer volume of everyone talking. “D’you want a drink? I can go get you something.”

You nod and mouth my usual, please, so he salutes and begins weaving his way through the crowd. You watch him as long as you can before spinning back around with a smile.

A smile that quickly fades when you realize Emma is right in front of you.

She says, “Cute dress,” and for a moment, you believe she’s being sincere but then she follows it up with, “Did you borrow it from your grandma’s closet? I’ve seen people do that.” 

Right, because grandmas are known for wearing dresses like this. 

“What? No, Jamie got it for me,” you say. 

“Oh cute, is it from Walmart? I think I saw something like it there last week.”

Emma is trying to draw blood. You suppose she’s taking her shot now as opposed to back then because she thinks there’s no one around to call her out. No one who knows her. 

You say, “They don’t have Walmart here,” instead of “It’s Dolce & Gabbana,” because the second phrase would make you sound like a prick. There’s a part of you that wants to be a prick, though, wants to channel that part of Jamie that’s ruthless, vicious and cruel, messing with the opposition before he cuts them down. 

The first time you saw it, it was hard to believe the Jamie on the pitch was the same Jamie who played with your hair while you cooked, or put a sticky note on his fridge titled “Babe,” detailing everything you’d ever said you liked. 

Emma sees she’s not getting to you, so she changes tactics. “Must be hard being here without any friends,” she remarks. “All alone. And you’ve never been especially extraverted. Are those people the only ones here you know?”

God, Jamie, where are you?

You open your mouth to respond but are cut off by someone with a distinctly midwestern twang say, “I heard one of my favorite countrywomen was here.”

You turn to see Ted Lasso grinning at you in a black suit. It’s the same smile you remember, albeit his eyes are a little sharp. You’d bet anything he knows exactly what’s going on between you and Emma. 

“Ted!” you smile as a rush of relief floods your system. You step into his arms for a hug as he says, “Hey, sweetheart. How’ve you been?”

“Oh, you know,” you say. “Kind of great, actually. I wondered if you were going to be here! Have you seen Jamie yet?”

Ted shakes his head. “Y’know, I haven’t. Why don’t we find him together?” He offers you an arm and you take it gratefully, choosing not to spare Emma a glance.

“She seems like a real bucket of laughs,” Ted remarks.

“You have no idea. That’s my ex’s wife.”

Whatever Ted thought you were going to say, he certainly wasn’t prepared for that. He opens and closes his mouth a few times before settling on a short, “Well I’ll be danged.”

You laugh and stand on tiptoes to try to see Jamie. You don’t see him, but you catch a glimpse of an especially tall, blond head.

“This way,” you tell Ted. You brush past Phil who smiles at you, past Colin and Michael, and past someone you’re pretty sure is a Beckham.

You make your way to Erling and Isabel as they dance to the music in their own corner.

You frown. “Have you seen Jamie?” you shout. 

Isabel shakes her head. “He was looking for you,” she calls back.

“Oh,” you say, “Ted, this is Isabel and-”

“Erling Haaland,” Ted says, hand outstretched. “Pleasure to meet you, son. Big fan of the way you play the game.”

You miss Erling’s response, startled by a hand on your shoulder. You turn to see Sam standing behind you.

“Sam!” you exclaim with a grin, “You look so handsome!”

Sam returns your grin and strikes a pose. “I’ve been sent on a very important mission. I am to retrieve you and bring you to Jamie and I am under no circumstances allowed to let a small rat man named Jake speak to you.”

You raise an eyebrow. 

“Jamie’s words, not mine,” Sam clarifies. “Although I must admit, I have seen this rat man. I do not like him very much.”

“You and me both,” you agree. You wave to Isabel and pat Ted on the arm before following Sam.

He leads you away from the crowd of people to a stone path illuminated by small lights. This can’t be right, you think but Sam points down the path and says, “This is where I leave you.”

He turns to leave then changes his mind and spins back around. “It was lovely seeing you today, albeit for a short amount of time. I hope I will be seeing more of you while we are here. It is not often I meet someone who makes Jamie more tolerable.”

He speaks with a touch of humor and it’s just enough to dispel any apprehensions about what’s waiting for you in the dark. 

You say, “Thanks Sam. Love ya,” which he returns before he disappears back to the main party.

You take a breath and head down the steps.

It’s dark, the light barely shining enough for each step, but as you get farther you see a shadowy figure sitting on a bench under a tree. You smile. You can tell exactly who it is by his silhouette.

Jamie stands as you get closer and pulls you into his arms.

“Thought we’d sneak away to make out a bit,” he says. “And maybe to you wouldn’t yell at me in front of all our friends.”

You groan. “What did you do? Please tell me it has nothing to do with Roy. Or Jack. Oh my god, did you two start convincing people you were separated at birth again? Because it’s really only funny one time.”

“Well…” Jamie hedges.

You pinch his back. It’s the only part of him you can reach at the moment. “Jamie Tartt, you’d better tell me what you did right now or so help me you are going to be sleeping on the couch for the rest of our lives.”

“Oi, don’t fucking do that!”

He reaches back to grab your hands and holds them flat on his chest. “We- Roy, Grealish, and me, might have gotten your prick ex kicked out.”

“You what?” you gasp.

Jamie starts speaking in a rush before you can say anything else. “Look, y’know how protective Grealish gets, especially because Sasha fucking loves you, and then Roy heard that your prick ex was here (not the twat ex) and he said it’s easier for him to get in and out of fights on account of him being a fucking manager but then Grealish said that it’s pretty much expected that fights happen so might as well and anyway, no one’s gonna fuckin’ snitch on any of us because (hate to break it to you babe), but you’re, like, everyone’s kid sister. They’d fucking kill for you so it’s possible that we channeled that into threatening to break all of his bones if he ever ended up in the same country as you again.”

You’re processing all of the things Jamie said plus the incredible speed at which he said them, so all you can manage is a single “Okay,” before he’s talking again.

“Ehm, it’s also slightly-fucking-possible that someone did break his foot.”

“What?” you all but shout.

“Coordinated effort between Isa and Haaland,” Jamie says. “Lad’s a fucking wall, don’t know if you’ve noticed.”

“Jesus, Jamie,” you groan. “I don’t know if I should kiss you or pinch you again.”

“You can do both,” he suggests.

You sigh. “I’m going to kiss you. Like, a lot. And I’m not going to worry about getting caught and after we’ve snogged like a pair of kids in high school- sorry, secondary school, then we’re going to eat a bunch more food and dance with our friends. And if you want to get sloshed, I promise I will only take funny videos for myself, and I will not send them to your mum this time.”

Jamie says, “Liar,” as he kisses the tip of your nose.

“Fine,” you concede, “I will most definitely send them to your mum. And Simon. We’re on a group chat.”

“Not even gonna fucking ask,” Jamie says as he threads a hand through your hair so he can get at a better angle to kiss you.

—

You wake up the next morning (ahem, afternoon) to Jamie’s foot in your face.

“Excuse me, sir,” you say.

He hiccups himself awake. “Yeah?” he rumbles. “What fucking time..?”

“Late, I assume,” you say.

He groans and flips himself around so your heads are on the same side of the bed. He wastes no time in tangling your limbs together.

“Oi, koala boy. Some of us have morning breath.”

“No y’don’t babe,” he mumbles.

You scratch his head and a shudder runs through his body. “I know,” you say, “my breath is perfect. I meant you. I just didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”

“Cruel woman,” he returns before lapsing into silence. The sun slips through the curtains, and you’re sure it’s going to be another gorgeous day

“Jamie,” you begin then stop.

He says, “Yeah, love?” while looking up at you with his gorgeous blue eyes and you take a moment to freeze this image in your head. 

Jamie Tartt, in bed, hair tousled from sleep. Pillowy white duvet, golden freckled skin, warm body pressed to yours.

He kisses your shoulder, rousing you from your thoughts. 

“Jamie,” you say again, “I wanted to say-”

“Don’t,” he interjects. “You’re not fucking allowed to say thank you for the bare fucking minimum.”

“But it’s not,” you reply, opting to skate over the fact that he apparently can read your mind. “Bare minimum is like, making sure I’m not alone with him, not getting your friends together to scare him off and break his foot.”

Jamie’s been kissing your skin wherever he can reach as you speak, so his words are interspersed with pecks. “Technically, the foot was an accident. Ask any one of our witnesses. And besides, they’re your friends too. You’re the one who got ‘em all to like ya despite the fact we’re mortal enemies on the pitch.”

“You’re the one who goes tanning with Jack,” you remind him.

“Lies told by the press,” Jamie grumbles. “This is my natural sexy glow.”

You say, “Okay little British boy,” as Jamie decides that his current position is not enough and he wants to lay on top of you.

He says something but his face is buried in the crook of your neck, so all you can feel is vibrations.

You ask, “Hm?” so he lifts his head.

“What if it were us next year?”

“Tanning or breaking feet?”

“Getting married.”

Jamie goes back to having his mouth on your neck as if the air weren’t just punched from your lungs.

You’re quiet long enough that he lifts his head again to ask, “Is that good quiet or bad quiet?”

“Good!” you hastily confirm. “Good, but, babe- you haven’t even asked me yet.”

He says, “I’m going to,” as if you should have known already. 

“Okay,” you breathe, “can you give me like a little heads up or something so my nails are done?”

“Uh-huh,” he says, “At the end of the week. Been planning it. Ring’s in my bag, even asked Stella if she’d be pissed that it’s the same week she took on the most un-sexy last name in history. She said she don’t give a shit as long as it’s not at her actual wedding. So.”

“I love you,” you tell him. “Not just because of yesterday or right now. I just think you’re great.”

“I am great, babe,” he says like it’s obvious. “Picked you, didn’t I?”

You crack a smile. “Alright, that’s enough out of you. Do you want to get out of bed or go back to sleep?”

“Sleep,” he replies immediately. 

“Thank God,” you groan, “I didn’t want to move. You’re like a weighted blanket.”

“It’s me sexy muscles,” Jamie says. You wiggle under him to get more comfortable.

“Uh huh,” you agree, but the words are hardly out of your mouth before you’re both back to sleep.

[angellurgy2]

lmao i’m sick of this sometimes estrogen makes your penis not work!! actually it ALMOST ALWAYS DOES that’s what estrogen does. stop making ppl feel bad because they ‘haven’t figured it out’ or are jerking off ‘wrong’ bitch PLEASE. some ppl cant cum. some ppl dont have much sensation. trans or cis whatever. but a LOT of trans fems get viagra or topical testosterone so they can orgasm and/or maintain erections. but like pls stop acting like ur penis should work while on ESTROGEN. its so fucking unhelpful. like i don’t know how to say that is literally what happens. if you took T and ended up with a beard i’d be like yep that’s what happens. i love my trans family and i love being trans but sometimes there’s these random fake ass facts that get spread around and they’re SO unhelpful. because of this shit girls who want to top/use their d/cum/etc might never ask about testosterone options and just spend an entire life thinking they are BAD at jerking off. being trans made them bad at pleasing themselves. do u even hear how nutty that sounds.

girl im literally in the tags of that post complaining about how it doesnt work on me. also that posts not even about that. its about dicks that DO work and normal jacking off not working. why r u so fucking mad 😭 im literally trying to figure out how i can get off and have it feel nice bc rn my dick works it just feels boring !! and ur in here being angry at *me* calling me a bitch bc "but tops :(" cmon lmao

[shootingpuckgoss]

I do wonder how it’s gonna go. I don’t think she has an actual job tbh despite what others say. She has a website (I’m not gonna share it bc her # is on there) but it’s all artsy and stuff. Either she has a job that’s part time that she literally goes to bc she’s bored bc she’s a millionaire she doesn’t need to work.

Anyway I wonder what’s gonna happen bc Jack seems super happy I’m just wondering when/if it all goes to shit. Maybe this summer? I wonder if it’s gonna either go down in the summer or later.

Idk going through surgery is very hard no matter how small the surgery is (not that I’m saying his was small but let’s say compared to knee replacement) so I wonder if they’re going to make it through that or what’s gonna happen. If she’s gonna keep flying out to mich. is he gonna stay here.

Let’s say she does have a full time job like anons say. I don’t think there just gonna let her take a week or so off multiple times during the summer. Jack and sienna broke it off after 8/9 months together bc of long distance

What’s going to happen if she can’t keep going to much. Olivia is a model she can stay in Vancouver weeks/months at a time js.

Anyone have any other opinions or stuff love to hear what y’all think( omg this is so long I’m sorry)

No it’s totally fine anon! I love these long ones they give me so much info - if you’d like to share the website with me privately I’d love that

But I agree, being realistic there’s a point that it is gonna end it’s just a matter of time and how it will happen - because the man is 22 and in the nhl, realistically he still has so much more people to meet in life

Jack seems happy but he does majority of the time and has in previous relationships so I don’t see a difference there for it being something more there Jack is like that with almost any girl I’ve ever seen him with and in no way am I comparing but I’m trying to be real here.

The surgery is questionable too, now it could potentially cause trouble I’d assume with everything and what not but if it’s not this summer it goes down it makes me wonder if it’ll be before the season starts or maybe a little bit after

I feel like distance won’t be a huge problem but it definitely would be other things like the season or it just working out because I just have a feeling. Based off what everyone’s said she’s really not nice and a Zionist + they seem to be moving super fast which never seems to end well… lol

I hope you guys can send in ur opinions on this because it’s interesting

[vanivenivici]

Sorry I’m coming back here again this thing has unscrewed the tap and I can’t shut up. I must rant about it some more. Netflix has all the money in the world and they continuously pump out mediocrity I won’t stand for it. 100% unorganized stream-of-consciousness. You’ve been warned.

ANYWAY. MOONRISE.

I saw a negative review for it in passing that said something akin to “the characters have too much downtime. they spend too much time chitchatting” and I’m like….. did we watch the same anime?? Bc there is virtually NO downtime. The characters suck because we know next to nothing about them, ESPECIALLY their motivations. And the reason that we don’t know anything about them is because Every Time they actually start to talk to each other SOMETHING EXPLODES.

Everything and I mean everything the main cast attempts to do turns into a crisis. They can’t even have dinner and decompress after being chased all over the moon and almost dying several times without a fucking bomb going off in the bar it’s EXHAUSTING.

And then the general keeps giving them these important missions but they never succeed once!! “I want these guys in particular to do it,” why??? Have they proven that they’re even the least bit competent??

So much of the plot hinges on the audience not knowing what the fuck is going on, and I hate that. I hate when important info is deliberately hidden from the audience for nothing but shock value. Maybe that’s just a pet peeve of mine. But then the show can’t be upset when I don’t give a shit about any of the characters because I have no idea why these people are here. I have no idea what they’re fighting for except this vague idea of revenge. For the mysterious antihero this makes sense. The story unfolds around his goals. But the main cast?? Why are Rhys and Georg here? Why is ANYONE but the main character here? Because AI mommy said so? SAY THAT THEN. SAY SOMETHING.

The idea that humanity has become so reliant on this AI that they literally do not think for themselves anymore is a good angle!! Too bad it’s never touched upon!!! Unless you count the incident in last episode which I do not!!

Rhys in particular leans on the AI so much. Our poorly written tsundere who is all tsun and zero dere. In episode one it’s implied that she and our main guy Jack are supposed to be in some arranged relationship between rich families, but there is never any inkling of chemistry between them. I didn’t get the impression that they liked each other at all until some forced “I’d be sad if you died” scene and Rhys did the “えええー?!” anime girl blush. She yells and fusses at Jack for the whole show for both good and inane reasons, but it’s her only. character trait. And not like in an actual tsundere way where she’s a little mean but secretly cares or is strict with him because she’s his grounding line. She just yells at him. All the time.

Anyway her motivations for… anything she does are a mystery. We could chalk it up to “the AI told me to,” but that’s just speculation. And she has no inner conflict on that front until literally the last ten minutes of the show. She’s helpless until after the last of the (several) time skips, and after that we’re supposed to believe that she’s suddenly this cold blooded badass who can go toe-to-toe with the strongest captains in the rebel army. For why. You have to make me believe that. The audience didn’t see her go through enough or work hard enough to earn that shift. If I believed that she actually cared about Jack and therefore his betrayal would push her to fight hard to bring him back, then sure. But I don’t. All I get is a weak jealousy subplot because “grr he picked Mary over me,” which is 1) not true and 2) actually aligns with Jack’s character thus far because the alternative is LETTING YOU KILL HER BECAUSE AI MOMMY SAID SO.

Rhys could’ve been an interesting character completely devoted to the AI and clinging to her fraying world order by any means necessary. I can SEE the skeleton but the writing did absolutely nothing for her. She’s written more as an obstacle than a character. Everything I wanted to be fleshed out was left to rot in the back of the cupboard……

And Georg. I have no idea what this guy’s deal is. To my memory, we’re never told how he knows Jack or why he’s on this team. Apparently everyone got arrested for some reason or another after the terrorist bombing in episode one. But don’t dwell on that because it’s just a means of extortion. It’ll get mentioned a few times and then quickly forgotten. Georg is the goofy best friend character without any of the personable warmth. He gets so so close to questioning super AI mommy and then immediately, like within the same episode, his character takes a 180° because Plot. (The writers didn’t know what to do with him. Or any of the characters except Jack and Phil, for that matter.)

And poor Mary is the best character in the show and then she gets swiftly demoted to a PLOT DEVICE. Free my girl why did they erase her autonomy. I swear they could’ve had ONE but they fucked it up!!

I could rant about how badly the main cast is mishandled for years but I haven’t even complained yet about how the entire premise has little support in the text!! The fucking war! The people of the moon fighting for independence!!!! We get told that they’re treated badly and  Earth is pillaging their resources and maybe dumping waste? But do we see these things? Of course not. We’ve got another giant space battle to animate! Whyyyy is this war so widely supported by the people of the moon? We have no idea! It just is! Stop asking questions!

What’s with the giant sentient slime mold that just kind of materialized out of nowhere around episode 9? Don’t worry about it. It’s just a thing. We’ll give you one throwaway line within the last 5 minutes of the entire anime that hints at what the rebel army wanted to do with it. Where did it come from? Haven’t you learned to stop asking questions yet??

Do we get literally any information on the SEED project that propels & links every major player in this entire show???? What do you think this is, Gundam?

You know I think the whole ‘Netflix wants shows that you can play in the background while you’re on your phone’ thing must be true. Even for subtitled anime. It has to be because I’m not that type and if you even GLANCE at the loose seams on this show the entire thing falls to pieces. 

I’m so mad because the premise is interesting and there were so many signs that this could have been good but they were SQUANDERED. If the characters just TALKED to each other and we knew a little more about them. If the plot leaned into humanity’s reliance on the all powerful AI. If we got a better idea of WHAT the Rebel army was actually trying to do for the last five episodes. If we spent more time picking apart the main character’s origins and its relationship to the AI. If only. If only.

……..Oh and that previous tag I had about the guy that died off-screen and then the following episode is a flashback of him mostly just playing pokemon go? That was in no way an exaggeration. In fact that tag should be taken completely literally.

Oh yeah I watched that Moonrise anime over the weekend. lmao what a trainwreck… I knew I didn’t like it but it’s been days and I just can’t stop thinking about how bad it was yk?

the pacing? trash. the characters? unlikeable (with the exception of 2). the plot? a tshirt cannon full of half-baked sci-fi confetti.

Personally my fav was the sentient, acre-big assimilation slime mold that was only explained maybe in one throwaway line during a battle.

AGH the more I think about it the more I keep going “AND ANOTHER THING—”

[kilbygrl]

can u do one were jack is dating a 20 year old? bcs that’s how old i am. idrc what happens in it as long as there’s. a little fluff

Your age was never actually concerning for you, not even when you first met Jack and started going on dates together, wasn’t a big thing for you, really, he’s twenty-four and you’re twenty, not really a big age gap. But everything changed when you saw people saying how he used to like older women, even him said it before, but people were treating your relationship like you were ten years younger than him and it was bothering you a lot.  

But you didn't talk to Jack about it. You didn't know if he thought much about it or even if he saw people talking about it, as he never brought it up. Your age gap wasn’t really important for him, you were almost his age, so since he first heard you were twenty, he didn’t care about it, you weren’t a minor and surely old enough for him, so no worries. Not for him, at least.  

And you were so overwhelmed about so many people talking about your relationship, that you just couldn’t handle it anymore, so you deactivated your Instagram and twitter, and keep it to yourself, trying to act as chill as possible around Jack. But even not seeing it, you just couldn’t handle it anymore. Was a Sunday morning and Jack was on a break from work, so you spent the whole weekend home. He was laying under you, holding your body closer to his.  

“It never bothers you that I’m younger than you?” you ask him, looking up to meet his blue eyes. 

“You’re just four years young, why would it?” he brings his hand to your face, taking of the piece of hair falling into your eyes.  

“Uh, I don’t know. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, since I saw a bunch of people talking about it and an old interview of you saying how you liked girls born in the 70’s or some shit. People always bring this up” 

“Oh, baby” he laughs a little, making you bury your face on his naked chest “It was a joke. I hooked up with some older women, you knew that already” 

“Yeah, but still makes me wonder. And having so much people talking shit about our relationship on the internet isn’t making me feel any better” your face was already red, mostly because you’re angry, but a little bit of you is shy to talk about it with him. 

He shakes his head, putting his hands on your face and making you look at him again. He brings his face close to yours, connecting your lips and giving you a sweet kiss, with a bunch of pecks. As he suspected, it calms you down.  

“You shouldn’t worry about shit they talk about us, ma. We are happy together and it isn't a problem on your relationship. I wouldn’t change you for any older girl” he gives you a peck again, caressing your face with his thumb. 

You smile at him, truly happy. Then, you put the subject to rest. But a few weeks later he was asked about that in an interview. Besides your relationship being as private as could be, there was still somethings about you two on the internet. It didn’t make you happy, but it comes with dating someone famous. 

“So, Jack, we saw some pics of you and your girlfriend last week, you two looked so happy, you guys were celebrating anything?” the interviewer asks him, showing on the screen some paparazzi pics of you two having lunch together on some random bench in the street. Weirdly enough, you were both laughing and smiling at each other in every single pic. Jack couldn’t help the smile when he saw the pics. 

“Nah, she just makes me happy as fuck. Can’t stop smiling when I’m with her” he answers and his face starts turning a little bit red “Y/N isn’t really a public person, so I don’t talk about her that much publicly, but I love that girl so much, could talk about her all day”  

“I would've never pegged you as a romantic type” the woman says, making him laugh a bit. 

“Just with her” now he makes her laugh. 

“And there’s a lot of people saying she’s so younger than you, how you deal with that?” she changes the subject, now making the atmosphere a little tense. 

“Yeah, yeah. Saw some of this shit online, but she’s not really that young and she’s a complying adult, she chose to date me. It isn’t a big deal for us” he picks on the microphone knowing that you would be seeing this “The only thing that people should care about is that she makes me happy, isn’t it enough?” 

And then, they change subjects again. Seeing it from home truly make you even more chill about it than you were before. You loved Jack so much that you wouldn’t let anyone ruin your relationship. 

[eunchancorner]

Can you do a little fic with the officers where John is too stubborn to get rest and Jack makes him with his tricks? They're my otp and I sadly don't see much tk content with them :'p

Gettin this out of the way since this is another triple asker and bc I have a soft spot for them

Ler Jack, Lee John

Warning: cussing

Word count: 1440

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jack walked into the living room, following the mumbled sounds of his partner mulling over the strange cult that seemed to be so prominent in this town. Looking outside he could see that it was far too late at night for him to be so focused on the case they’d taken up on their own, but John was stubborn. Something Jack loved about him at times, and hated at others.

Right now, he hated it.

“John…” he called softly, catching the attention of the brunette, “It’s late, we need to go to sleep.”

“I don’t have time to sleep, we need to figure out what the hell is going on with this cult,” he grumbled, taking a sip from yet another dirty mug.

“John, come on, if you don’t get enough sleep you won’t be able to think properly, and what will you do then?”

“Speak for yourself, I can go days without sleeping…”

“Can you, or is that just something you tell yourself as an excuse to stay up working? Seriously, it’s time for bed.”

“I’m not going to sleep until I’ve figured out what the hell is going on in this town.”

Jack sighed quietly. He loved John, he really did, but days like this, when he was being more stubborn than Julie to go to sleep, he was always so frustrated with him. Thankfully he was able to figure out ways to make him go to sleep, and tonight seemed like just the night for one of his favorite methods.

“Alright, I didn’t want to have to do this, but you left me no choice,” the ravenette sighed as he walked over to his partner.

“Didn’t want to have to- JACK!!” the brunette yelped as he was suddenly scooped up under the arms and held off the ground against the taller’s chest.

“I’m taking you to bed whether you like it or not!” Jack announced, dragging his brunette co-worker away from the office and towards the shared bedroom.

“What the hell?! Jack, put me down! I NEED TO WORK ON THIS-”

“SHH! Julie’s asleep, what the hell are you thinking?!” Jack hissed at his partner as they passed the sleeping girl’s room.

“Oh, shit, right. But you can’t just make me go to bed! I am a grown man and I can make my own decisions!”

“He says, refusing to sleep…” the ravenette mumbled mockingly, earning a painful elbow in the ribs that almost made him drop the smaller.

Finally they reached the bedroom (with a lot of resistance from the older) and Jack dragged John onto the bed, holding him in his arms. The brunette grumbled and squirmed and pushed at Jack’s hands, trying to get away and go back to work, but at the same time, the warmth of him was just so… nice. So comforting and inviting. As much as he wanted to work, the thought of cuddles seemed to weaken his actions. Usually he’d be able to pull Jack off no problem but he found himself struggling to budge the taller’s hands.

“Wow, you’re still gonna try to be stubborn. C’mon, John, you really need to sleep. After all, you can’t think properly without a good night’s rest. And if that happens, you could make a mistake. It could set you pretty far back, you might even get stuck on square one again…”

That made John stop, even if only to think for a moment. He wanted to work on this case, he really did, but at the same time, he wanted to do so while he was at 100%, just to make sure he didn’t miss anything or get something wrong. And he knew Jack was right. He could end up messing up this case, or possibly something else, if he was too tired. But at the same time, he felt that sense of urgency trying to drag him back to the office.

“You already know that I can’t just leave this for tomorrow when I know I could do it today,” he finally argued. “Even if it takes me all night, I have to get this done.”

“I was afraid you’d say that… Please, John? I’m starting to worry about you. Is there another reason you’re not sleeping or something…?”

“No, I’m just working, I promise. You know I’d tell you if it was something else, don’t worry.”

“Good, good… but then, in that case, you really need to sleep. You know that…”

“And you know I won’t sleep until I’m done.”

“I thought you’d say that… but, thankfully, I know how to get you to sleep. The same way I get Julie to sleep!”

That confused John for a second, his mind flicking to how he gets her to sleep, with a story, a hug, and a nice warm drink. Until the brunette realized that Jack had a bit of a different method of getting her to sleep. One that was far more playful and better for tiring out the hyper child. And one that was far more embarrassing for the shorter.

“W-wait… you’re not thinking…?”

“Maybe I am thinking~”

“I-I- that’s childish, Jack!”

“Oh yeah? What happened to ‘childish’ when you tickled me in front of Patty?”

“That was different! You deserved it for scaring me like that!”

“Oh, I deserved it? Well, then maybe you deserve this for being a little brat and not going to bed!” He punctuated the last few words with pokes to John’s side, making the smaller flinch and curl up, covering the wobbly smile on his face.

“Y-you better quit that!”

“Quit what? This?~” the ravenette asked innocently as he continued to poke up and down his partner’s side, forcing the brunette to choke down embarrassing giggles.

“H-Hehey! Yes, thahat!”

“Why? After all, I’m barely doing anything to you, do why is it affecting you that much?~”

“Jahack!”

“It is because it leads to this?~” he squeezed at the older sides, earning a quiet snort before he heard some small, muffled giggles trying to break out.

“Or, is it because this leads to this?~” he clawed at John’s belly, making him let out a stifled squeak.

“PFF- mmmhmhmhm! Noho!”

“No? Then maybe it’s because this leads to thisss?~” his hands started climbing towards John’s ribs.

“Jahack I swehehear!” the small sheriff warned, grabbing at his deputy’s hands, only succeeding in uncovering his wobbly, blushy smile.

“What do you swear, John? Huh? What are you gonna do, with your handsome little smile?~” he cooed, admiring his partner’s growing blush, even if he proceeded to cover it up once more.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought~”

A squeal pierced the air as Jack finally pinched at his partner’s ribs, moving slowly from one to the other, up two and down one, occasionally darting to a random rib, all keeping John, who was finally letting himself laugh (not that he had much of a choice), guessing on where he might go next.

“Jahahack! Ahaha hey nohoho!” the brunette squawked out, attempting to curl in on himself and hide from the tickles.

“No what, John? No what?” the ravenette cooed.

“Tihihihickles!”

“Aww, ok, if you say so!”

“Wahait, that’s not what I- AAHAHAHA!!” the smaller broke off with a squeal as Jack finally reached his uppermost ribs, occasionally poking at his underarms, bringing his laugh to a near cackle. A squeak managed to escape him when Jack found a particularly sensitive spot on his upper ribs.

“Aww, was that a squeak? That’s adorable! Who knew a grumpy little fluff ball like you could squeak?”

“SHUHUT! IHIT WAHAS NAHAHAT!”

“Oh, come on, don’t tell me you’re embarrassed! Is the big man embarrassed because he’s a little ticklish?~” Jack cooed at his partner, who attempted to cover his face before yet another poke in his underarms forced his arms back down.

“JAHACK PLEHEHEHEASE!”

“Oh, begging? You must be getting tired now. But I still haven’t heard a single stop!~”

“JUHUST TOHOHONE IHIT DOHOHOWN!”

“No problem..” As per his request, Jack’s hands lowered down to the fluff ball’s belly, gently scratching at the soft skin as John’s laugh calmed down into soft giggles. When a yawn managed to break through, the ravenette changed it to soft traces that had the brunette just barely giggling and utterly melting in his arms.

“Getting tired yet?” he asked, as though he didn’t already know the answer. Slowly his traces came to a stop, and just as they did, he heard John’s breathing even out as the brunette fell asleep.

He chuckled quietly and gently laid down, pulling a blanket over them both and letting himself drift off as well.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought…”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I turned it really soft at the end lol. Smokydonuts ftw

[padfootastic]

The only way I can even accept the betrayal of the Potters being universally regarded as so horrible in the Wizarding World is because it almost let Voldemort win. I’m guessing that somehow people knew the attack on the Potters was instrumental in the war, in terms of Voldemort’s plans, because otherwise it makes no real sense about why this particular attack is seen as so awful (everyone knows the story and regards it as one of the worst events of the First War, but like, entire families got wiped out in the war but we only really hear of it by Moody showing Harry the Order photo and telling him their tragic fates and possibly Molly talking about her brothers. Neville’s parents were tortured to death, we’re told this caused an uproar, yet we hear jack about it for years?). I can buy the public thinking Sirius was a spy after the Potters attack (people who knew Sirius should have asked questions though, since they knew how much Sirius loved James and guess what else? There’s nobody who could 100% say Sirius was the Secret Keeper; while everyone believed he was, there was no actual confirmation anyone could provide since he very much was not the SK), but the whole “right hand” thing makes no sense. Where’d they get “he was second in command” from “he betrayed two people and worked for Voldemort, killing 12 muggles and an old friend with one spell”? Who even makes a spy second in command? Why did nobody interrogate Voldemort’s supposed right hand for information on the Death Eaters, since it took a while to find the remaining members and they still missed some, and Voldemort’s alleged second would surely have that information?

tbh even that assumption is just—so far fetched? because i’m sure secrecy was at an all time high, everyone was paranoid and afraid, i’m sure no one knew anything. like, i feel like the potter’s attack was given the significance that it was purely because of its ultimate consequences ykno? like if harry wasn’t the boy who lived, no one would care so much. there’s also this element of extremely poor plot planning too imo, similar to the whole mother’s love protection thing because,,,there must’ve been countless mothers/parents who sacrificed themselves and yet it was just the potters that reaped some mystical benefits of it? bull. same with the betrayal of the potters being considered as terrible as it was in the middle of war. jkr just,,,wanted some shit done and didn’t care how much she had to manoeuver other things around to shove it in and so u have stuff like this.

and god, it’s just a constant problem for me that sirius was never interrogated? honestly, i know it was needed for plot purposes, but sirius is really one of the biggest reasons why i think dumbledore is much darker/manipulative than most people think of him. while i wouldn’t say he got sirius thrown in azkaban, i will say he probably turned a blind eye on purpose bc it just served his needs so well. otherwise, if that’s not the case and he really just neglected to perform his duties as a war leader by not interrogating a suspected spy—then he just comes off even worse ykno?

[seasonofthewicth]

Rowaelin Month - Day 3

prompt: a secret relationship

extras: multiple povs

cw: one very brief mention of nsfw topics

word count: 3k

--

Fenrys knows his friends think of him as the joker of the group, and yeah he is hilarious, but there’s more to him than that. He can read the room, can pick up on the subtleties of whichever of his friends might need one of his jokes more than others on any given day. It’s a skill that makes him observant, watchful of people, and he notices things.

He’s not sure if Rowan and Aelin think they’re being subtle, and he’s not sure which of his other friends have picked up on the same things he has, but he’s pretty sure Aelin and Rowan are sleeping together.

He’s not completely sure, he doesn’t have any concrete evidence and they still act normally in the group, but he knows what he saw on the night of Elide’s birthday. He and Rowan have lived together for years and Aelin has crashed at theirs any number of times before but, until that night, she’d never emerged from Rowan’s bedroom the morning after wearing one of his t-shirts.

The material had completely drowned her. The short sleeves had hung to her elbows and the hem had been well down her thighs. She’d seemed somewhat… sneaky as she’d crept into their kitchen in search of coffee.

He knows not to read too much into things, friends share clothes all the time. He’s lost many hoodies to the collective wardrobe owned by their group of friends and he’s still pissed at Lorcan who he knows still has his The Cadre t-shirt from the gig they had attended a few years ago.

What Fenrys also knows is that friends don’t stand at the kitchen counter, holding the neckline of their friend’s shirt to their nose and grinning like an idiot.

He needs to speak to Aedion.

Elide has been friends with Aelin for years and that is more than long enough to know she’s almost always guaranteed to be late to their coffee dates. She’s not bothered, it gives her a few extra minutes to sip away at her own coffee reading her book with the general hum of the coffee shop lulling her into a comfortable rest.

It’s not long before her friend breezes into the coffee shop, the bell above the door ringing and signalling her entrance. It’s very Aelin, her entrance. The wind sweeps in fluffing her golden waves and her steps are full of purpose as she strides towards Elide.

“Sorry I’m late.” Aelin all but throws herself into the seat opposite Elide, smiling a bright smile for the relatively early morning they’re sharing.

“Don’t worry about it,” Elide says, finishing off her final swig of her first coffee. “Want me to go and get our drinks?”

“No, Ellie,” Aelin says, waving her hand. “First one’s on me. I was late, I’ll make it up to you.”

Aelin squeezes her hand before breezing back out of her seat.

She’s back only a couple of minutes later, finally relaxing into the large armchair she occupies. “So, what’s new with you?”

“Nothing much,” Elide shrugs. “Work is tough but nothing I didn’t expect.”

“I’m sure you’re smashing it,” Aelin says with a grin, then places her hand against her chest. “My little Elide, registered nurse taking the world by storm.”

Elide smiles, it feels good to hear those words, after all the sleepless nights and sweat and tears she’s finally where she wants to be.

Aelin continues, “You’re not pushing yourself too hard are you?”

“No,” she says and it’s the truth. “And even if I was, Lorcan is being wonderful.”

Aelin fake gags and Elide shoots her a mostly joking glare. “I find that hard to believe.”

“He is,” she says, thinking of the bath he had drawn her the night before and the massage he’d given her when she complained of her feet aching.

Aelin shifts in her seat as she nods along and the neck of her t-shirt slips down to reveal the ghost of a hickey on her friend’s collarbone. Elide raises an eyebrow.

Aelin looks down before grinning wickedly.

“Anything new with you?”

Aelin’s answer is interrupted by the arrival of their coffees in the hands of a handsome waiter.

“A large mocha,” he says and Elide raises a hand, “and a large cappuccino with cinnamon.”

Aelin raises her own hand. The waiter sets their drinks down, his eyes lingering on Aelin for a minute before he slowly backs away.

“Enjoy,” he says, his eyes still locked on Aelin. “Let me know if you need anything.”

He turns with a wink and Elide raises her other brow at her friend.

“Are you going to get his number?”

Aelin shakes her head. “Not today.”

Elide hums a response before leaning forward in her seat. “Why? You’d usually be all over someone like him, he’s exactly your type. Tall, muscular without being jacked, his curly brown hair, cheeky smile…”

She trails off when Aelin cracks a smile. “I guess I’m just not feeling it today.”

Elide wants to ask why again, she honestly might go over and get the guy’s number for her friend, when Aelin changes the subject rapidly.

“Are you going to Rowan and Fenrys’ later?”

Elide doesn’t process the change of topic until a little later on, once a couple more pieces have slotted into place. Eventually she’s pretty sure she’s worked out why Aelin didn’t want the cute coffee guy’s number.

She needs to speak to Lorcan.

Lorcan Salvaterre doesn’t like Aelin Galathynius.

He tolerates her at best for the sake of the rest of their friends but that said, he still probably wouldn’t want to see her hurt.

When Lysandra puts the message in the group chat-At the hospital with Aelin, dw they think it’s just a sprain-he reads it, absently thinks how he probably hopes she’s okay, and moves on with his day. He’s on his way to meet Rowan at the bar and if anything, Galathynius would want them to raise a toast in her honour.

What Lorcan doesn’t expect is the restless jittering of his best friend’s leg beneath the table, sloshing precious droplets of beer onto the table that his friend doesn’t even seem to notice.

“What’s the matter with you?” he asks as he slides onto his seat opposite the silver haired man.

“Nothing,” Rowan says quickly but his leg keeps up the restless pace.

Lorcan signals to the bartender for his own beer and turns back to Rowan. “Dude, chill out. There’s clearly something up with you and I’m not having you spill my pint.”

Rowan finally notices the state of their table and stills his leg. “Sorry,” Rowan says, using some of the beer mats scattered across their table to mop up the spill.

Now Lorcan really is confused. Usually Whitethorn would cuss him out over apologising. He doesn’t really know what to say.

His phone buzzes in his pocket and he ignores it as Rowan lurches for his own phone. He reads whatever’s on the screen then scowls and locks it again, placing it face up on the table. His knee begins bouncing again.

“You’re being weird,” Lorcan announces.

“Fuck off,” Rowan says and there’s the Whitethorn he knows and loves.

Lorcan opens his mouth to speak again but his phone buzzes and Rowan again lurches for his own. He chews at his lip as he reads whatever’s on the screen and so Lorcan bothers to dig his own phone out of his pocket.

It’s the group chat. He has a couple of unread messages, just Aedion and Elide expressing their concern for Galathynius as expected, nothing exciting. He locks his phone and places it on the table in front of him, watching Rowan for his next move. He’s definitely being weird and Lorcan has no fucking clue why.

His phone buzzes again and the screen lights up with the latest message. It’s Galathynius, he can tell from the stupid crown profile picture she has.

I’m alive, her message reads, just a sprain but I’m gutted bc I wanted a cast so you all could sign it.

Rowan is on his own phone when Lorcan looks back up, he’s tapping away but Lorcan doesn’t see any messages from him in the group chat. His knee has stilled under the table and Lorcan swears there’s something that looks like relief on his face. Relief? As if there was ever any danger of Galathynius not being fine.

Wait.

“Why the fuck are you so worried about Galathynius?”

Rowan’s eyes narrow and he carefully tucks his phone back into his pocket.

“I’m not,” he says but it sounds somewhat like a question and Lorcan isn’t convinced.

Until he decides he doesn’t give a shit enough to ask any more questions, Whitethorn seems back to normal and if Galathynius being fine is the reason for it he can think about it later.

And probably speak to Fenrys.

Aedion is drunk.

Like truly and utterly wasted.

So far a good night.

The rest of the group are somewhere dispersed around the bar but he’s happy here, tucked up in their booth, resting his head against the cushioned velvet while the room spins around him. He’s pretty sure Aelin is still in the booth with him and it might be Rowan with her but he’s too lazy to open his eyes to check.

He can hear the pounding base of a song he doesn’t recognise and he could fall asleep right here, somehow lulled to sleep by the beat and the volume of alcohol he’s consumed.

He doesn’t mean to listen to Aelin and Rowan’s conversation, even though he’s pretty sure it’s not intruding if they know he’s sat right there, but pieces of their conversation spike his attention.

“You don’t want me to stay at yours tonight?” he hears Aelin ask and Aedion is intrigued.

Lysandra is out tonight so Aelin has a safe ride home with her roommate and no need to crash at Rowan and Fenrys’ apartment.

“It’s not that I don’t want you to.” Rowan’s voice is low and hard to hear over the music. “But Fenrys is out with us and if I say I want to leave he’ll join me, then you know he’d ask questions.”

Aedion from tomorrow is screaming at him to pay attention to this conversation and so he keeps his eyes closed to try and listen in. He’s almost holding his breath to try and hear their voices over the noise of the bar.

They’re quiet for a moment and he’s so tempted to crack his eyes open.

“I know,” he finally hears Rowan say. “I’m sorry, Fireheart. We will.”

Hearing the term of endearment drop off Rowan’s lips is too much, it’s weird, he didn’t realise the two of them were close enough for Rowan to know about the nickname his cousin has. He risks opening one of his eyes to just a thin slit.

He’s not ready for what he sees.

Aelin is tucked under Rowan’s arm, resting her cheek on his chest. Rowan’s chin rests on the top of his cousin’s head before he softly presses his lips to her hair.

Aedion has many questions. He immediately closes his eye. He’s drunk, he can’t trust his eyes.

He hears rustling and then definitely his name from his cousin but it doesn’t sound like she’s talking to him.

Then, “Aedion.” Rowan’s voice has him blinking his eyes open and lifting his head from the booth.

They’re separated now, sitting with a couple of inches between them on the seat. Maybe he didn’t see them cuddled up a minute ago, he’s not sure.

“Drink this.” Rowan is holding out a glass of water, his tone leaving no room for protests.

“Hey,” he hears how slurred his voice is and catches Aelin’s laughter. “Thanks bro.”

Aelin puts her face in her hands. Rowan doesn’t crack, just waves the glass of water in front of him. He reaches out to grab it but he can see more than one of his hand reaching for the glass.

“Gods,” Aelin says, looking at Rowan. “Maybe you should take him home.”

“I will,” Rowan agrees quickly, looking at her softly and Aedion has about a million more questions. “I’ll get him to drink this first.”

Aelin nods and he finally manages to take a hold of the water and downs it in about a minute. Rowan slides out of the booth and holds a hand out to Aedion. He lets his friend tug him up and begins his stumble to the exit.

He feels Rowan pause behind him and catches the words, “meet you at yours afterwards.”

He manages to spin and see Aelin smiling as she leaves the booth too. He doesn’t bother to think about it, he probably won’t remember tomorrow.

He’ll ask Lysandra.

Aelin’s hand is clammy where she holds Rowan’s.

It’s the only sign of the nerves she feels, this conversation has been brewing for a while, and regardless of their friends’ reactions she’s happy with Rowan. Honestly, it’s only been about a month in total since that one night for Elide’s birthday that changed everything, but she thinks she might be falling for him.

She can’t believe she thought he was a dick when they first met. Well, she supposes he is a dick. One of the first things he ever said to her was that she was a spoiled brat but, in his defense, she’d just called him a stuck up bastard.

Now though she loves the thrill of his quick mind. Loves the way he can tease and taunt her until she’s trembling beneath him and about a second away from begging. She loves the soft kisses he presses to her hair when he knows she’s had a bad day, she loves when he comes back from work with a slice of chocolate hazelnut cake under his arm because he knows it will make her smile.

What she doesn’t love is keeping this a secret from all of their best friends. It started out as embarrassment, after they slept together on Elide’s birthday she didn’t know what it was, didn’t know if they’d just fucked everything up, didn’t know if their friendships were about to implode.

But then it happened again, and again and again, until it’s four am and she’s pressing her lips to his one last time so she can sneak out without Fenrys noticing and be home before Lysandra wakes up.

The sneaking around was hot at first. His hand over her mouth holding in her whimpers as he fucked her on the couch he shares with Fenrys, when he slid the pillow between her bedframe and the wall when Lysandra had texted asking if she could hear that weird banging noise, all the times they had cut it a little too close. But now, it’s exhausting.

She wants to be able to hold Rowan’s hand and kiss him without the wariness pooling in her stomach and she knows he feels the same.

“Guys,” she says loudly to the room filled with their friends. Rowan squeezes her hand where they’re hidden beneath a couch pillow. “We have something to tell you all.”

Five pairs of eves pivot to her and she swallows.

“Rowan and I are… dating,” she says slowly, as though she’s unsure of how the words will go down.

There’s a beat of silence before their friends erupt.

“I knew it!”

“I fucking told you they were.”

“Pay up you bastard.”

Lorcan scowls, pulling out his wallet and Aelin blinks. She did not expect this.

“Wait.” Lorcan holds up a hand. “Before I hand over any cash we need details. Dating or in a relationship? How long have you been dating? Who asked who? Who started this? Most importantly; when?”

She looks to Rowan who’s green eyes reflect her own bewilderment.

“Um,” he starts unsurely, “we’re in a relationship.” He punctuates this with another squeeze of her hand and she grins. The feeling of his fingers linked through her own spreads warmth up her arm before settling in her chest. “It started a few weeks ago.”

Her friends are all leaning forwards, still waiting.

“When exactly?” Lysandra asks. “Like what was the date?”

“Well, the first time was the night of Elide’s birthday.”

Fenrys launches himself out of his seat. “I fucking told all of you.” He holds his right hand out starkly in front of him. “Pay up all of you, I was right.”

There are complaints and grumbled protests but Fenrys ends up with a handful of twenties and Elide a couple of notes herself.

“Wait,” Aelin says, brushing a hand across her forehead as if this will somehow clear it up. “You guys bet on us?”

That seems to still the commotion coming from the other side of the room.

It’s Aedion who speaks. “Yeah,” he says in a way that sounds like duh. “You didn’t think you were subtle did you?”

“Kind of,” Rowan says eventually, leaning forwards to brace his elbows on his knees. “We weren’t obvious. And none of you ever seemed to let on.”

“Bro, are you serious?” Aedion laughs as Elide and Lysandra snicker.

“You seriously thought we never knew?” Lysandra sounds as baffled as Aelin feels. “All those texts I sent when I knew he was over? All the mysterious unnamed hook-ups on nights you and Rowan both disappeared together? All the times you’d think you were subtle but your lipstick would be on his neck? We have been waiting for this.”

She’s laughing and Aelin feels a bubble of laughter in her own throat. She can’t believe it. It had seemed to reach a point of obviousness but none of them had ever commented.

“I can’t believe you all knew,” she cries burying her face in her hands as Rowan slings an arm around her shoulders and pulls her in close. “Why did none of you say anything?”

“It was against the rules of the bet,” Fenrys says seriously and Rowan uses his other arm to dig his bicep, his laughter rumbling in his chest beneath her.

She smiles into the fabric of his shirt as the group erupts again, bickering over who knew first and who knew the most. Aelin doesn’t care, it’s gone better than she could have imagined and she has Rowan and her friends and she loves them.

A secret relationship no longer. It feels good.

[kirieshhhka003]

kakyoin as a partner?

A/n: this request is little bit vague so I decided to write this lil smut bc I’m feeling whoreny. Thank you for your request, my dear anon💚

Pairing: Kakyoin Noriaki x fem! Reader

Warnings: NSFW, deepthroating, face fucking

- Mmm... oh fuck babe... take it deeper. Mhah, yes just like that... - you hear Kakyoin’s muffled voice above. He is lounged on his bed, having you kneeled between his legs, sucking on his cock desperately

You look up at red-haired and see his blushed cheeks that almost match the red color of his hair. Noriaki nibbles on his fingers as his other hand is comfortably set atop your head, guiding you and controlling your moves

A lewed “smock” fills the space around you two as you dismiss Kakyoin’s stiff cock from the velvety heat of your mouth, stroking the shaft lovingly and leaving a sweet peck on his pink sensitive tip

Noriaki reclines his head against the wall behind his back, a heavy sigh slips past his lips and then turns into a wanton moan as you take a long wide lick of his dick, starting from the girth and following along all length, ending on his swollen head

Your nimble tongue hovers all over his inflated tip, you slowly take more and more of his dick inside of your mouth, that slowly that red-haired tightens his grip on your hair, applying some pressure to harshly slide you down his length. Your eyes water a little at the feeling of his dick bumping your throbbing throat, but you quickly forget about it and try to relax - god, you love it so much when Noriaki acts so dominant

Your mouth descents onto his shaft, and you feel his short pubes tickling against your nose, the musky scent of his groin makes you roll your eyes back in pleasure, a soft moan comes out of your throat, sending vibrations to Kakyoin’s cock, making him sequel and swirl under your touches

Kakyoin draws your head closer with little force, threading you on his dick, not letting you go for a few seconds, almost suffocating on himself. You pull back the second his grip on your head loosens, coughing and trying to catch your breath

- Shit, babe, I’m sorry. I couldn’t hold myself back. I’m sorry, - Kakyoin strokes your hair idly as he leans down and gives you a wet sloppy kiss, his fingers comb through your hair, rubbing the skin of your head fondly

- Nah I’m okay, - you say breathily and bump your forehead against his. You look him right in the eyes and with a mischievous smirk on your face add: - Do that again

A wide nasty grin plasters across Kakyoin’s handsome face as he grips on your hair harshly, shoving your head in his groin, ordering in cold tone:

- Take it all. Down your throat

In a matter of second he changed his mild and soft personality to completely different - mean and insolent, not caring about what you want. You feel a warm liquid running down your hip - you’re dripping wet from what a selfish dick Kakyoin is. You definitely love it

You clamp your lips around Noriaki’s throbbing cock, and the next moment he is balls deep inside, your throat clenches insatiably onto him. He pulls out and then pulls back in, burying his dick deep inside of you. Your jaw starts to ache as your tongue works red-haired’s dick with enthusiasm, but this slight pain only thrills you more

Kakyoin completely loses control over himself, starting to pound your face like a jack hammer. You can barely breath under his insane pace, thick saliva mixed with Noriaki’s pre-cum drips down your neck, covering your bare chest in this filthy liquid

By his loud fitful moans you can tell that Kakyoin is nearing his orgasm, his fingers grip tighter on your hair, as he starts to mercilessly fuck your face, destroying your throat. A few seconds later Noriaki pulls his slicked cock out of your mouth and, stroking it briskly, cums all over your face. You feel heavy globes of cums slowly run down your cheeks, you open your mouth wider, trying to catch every drop of his pearly sperm

You hear Noriaki humming quietly above you and he then bumps his overstimulated tip on your cheek, running it all over your face, smearing his sperm even more. You let out a disgruntled whine, trying to dodge away from this contact and look up at Kakyoin’s face, slightly furrowing your eyebrows

- Whaat? Don’t act like you don’t like it, you hoe, - Kakyoin bursts out laughing at his last words, and you just can’t be mad at him anymore. Red-haired looks so funny when tries to act like a cool bastard, you just snort and sit next to him on his bed

Kakyoin turns to your side, putting both of his hands on your hips, leaning in to whisper into your ear:

- We’re not done yet, darling. Now lay down on you back and spread you pretty legs wide, I’ll take a great care of you

Masterlist | Smut Masterlist

Please, leave comments. It really boosts me and inspires on making new writings!💚

[ssaalexblake]

i almost never wish i could write (it’s just not my talent. I also don’t enjoy it enough to develop it. It’s fine) but stp s3 is the type of thing that has Just enough legs to it conceptually that i want to gut it, take what i like, take some of what i didn’t and do it better so it’s good, and outright change some more to write my own, better, version. I want to write foe fiction. 

bc okay, on the face of it there are some interesting concepts! the borg high jacking federation transporter tech to assimilate people because they adapt and realise that invasions aren’t working, just ditch the Entire plot around Jack and think of some other way to make it spread/activate and it’s actually a plot within the realms of possibility to work with. 

The idea of Picard loving somebody enough that he’d Willingly go and be assimilated is FASCINATING. I am so enthralled by this concept on so many levels. But like, in the kind of way where it didn’t happen like it did in the show. Ideally Jack is not involved at all tbh. Mostly because i’m sick and annoyed of the blood family over all notions in this season. But we could easily develop Picard’s relationship with somebody else to achieve this. Since Soji is not assimilate-able it’d end up Elnor really. 

The idea of a secret baby can stay if it Has to but in the kind of way where their mother who may or may not be beverly gets to actually be a character with an outside life for more than one episode. Also, the reasons for keeping this a secret will be grounded in material that the audience actually Knows about and not something made up that happened off screen as a weak justification. One of the reasons for it will also be that Picard has an issue with treating kids like people and no kid deserves that. 

If this happens then Worf and Picard Will be discussing not being filled in about the existence of their first borns. 

Will and Deanna will be petrified for Kestra. Geordi will be allowed to be terrified for his daughters for more than 60 seconds before he forgets them. Raffi is also freaking out about Elnor. 

Raffi and Seven do not break up. There was literally zero reason for this at all tbh? ofc they’d not be able to interact once Raff went undercover, it wouldn’t change anything if they were together even IN the show, but in my version, for the record, their relationship is a plot point that gets screen time. 

Borgati would be called in as reinforcements. The question is really who would call her. Would it be Seven? Picard? Raffi, even? Queen vs Queen stand off. 

The reaction to finding out what happened with the changelings will Not be having zero introspection and then going on to commit more violations of the space geneva convention with no critical thought on the matter. I feel like the moment when Vadic tells her story about being the victim of such horrifying things at the hands of the federation was a Bad moment to show that picard and beverly are Serious parents who will do anything for their son. We can still have them have their amoral hour, just not Here jeez. Read the room guys. 

Data is dead. It was what he wanted. Leave him be. 

And look okay for all I was mad at them going through background characters to kill like a lottery, ‘we found almost everybody alive in a basement’ was an absolute travesty, like, really? At least say they were kept alive in case they needed to be interrogated for personal information to assist with the changeling’s cover stories. 

Just have Laris be in the damn season. My whole ‘so they’re side lining her for the Other ship, huh?’ thing turned out to be incorrect which, somehow??? makes ditching her even more absurd. For however crap that reason would have been, there being No reason apparent in the show is somehow more infuriating. 

Elnor is assigned to the titan. It was not Seven who did this. It was Raffi being overprotective after the scare in S2. She wants him with somebody she trusts. 

If Shaw dies then it Has to be AFTER he owns up to his own shit and apologises genuinely to Seven. And maybe Picard but i feel like he’d need more therapy for that one than the Seven one. He doesn’t have to die though, bc if Seven ends up captain at the end of this all it will not be the titan in a different dress. 

Seven’s actions involved in saving Picard’s spawn are canonically informed by losing Icheb the way she did. 

no borg sperm like i kind of said that already but Please no borg sperm 

I would do something more interesting with Raffi’s family. Like, okay sure she got a happy ending there but meeting her ex gave me food for thought that the only time we’ve seen them they’ve been on scummy capitalist hellhole planets or areas, with her ex having associations with some really bad people. I think it’d be an interesting angle to play where Raffi trying to help people and do good even when it’s unpopular is something that alienates her from her family bc they kind of actually suck and her trying to do the right thing is uh, inconvenient. 

Would love to know her daughter in law’s opinion of her though. Raffi fought tooth and nail for romulan refugees. But the people she knows don’t trust Raffi and just think she’s a mess. Could be fascinating. 

ok gonna cut myself off and some of these things are contradictory but it was more a loose idea thing than an actual list. Some of the nostalgic quips can stay. Spot can show up bc Elnor gets a cat and names it Spot to honour Data. But yeah. Stopping. 

[brokenchairwrites]

Lol you and your friends are silly. Noah didn’t voluntarily stop working for a whole year. He got fired from OR and now nobody will hire him for anything. He last booked a role almost 18 months ago and it’s probably his last one. Got dumped by Baseline too. But keep kidding yourselves that he took off time to be a dad. Give me a break. You look like fools. His career is dead no matter how many excuses you make for him. Gold digger Clare is gong to dump his ass when she realizes he’s not on the road to stardom like she thought. She didn’t expect him to be trying to scrape together a living working for his friend and his lil speaking school. You’ll see. Next time stan someone who actually has a successful career.

I’m LITERALLY laughing.

Why do you care that people like him? Like what? I don’t understand, please enlighten us all to why you give so many fucks.

Or better yet, don’t? I’m going to continue to stan Noah until I’m blue in the face bc I can.

He’s just a guy, who cares what some internet anon who knows jack shit about me and my friends say.

🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

Have a nice life!

[batarangsoundsdumb]

guess fucking what? my inbox is so fucking full right now i'm unloading all of this shit in one post.

For the 11th gotham memes: gothamites react to bruce being jacked in a tiktok he made with kids, like super yoked, ripped as hell

fucking hilarious thanks. i think i did it in one meme post, but i genuinely don't remember which one

i dunno which of the batfam would do this but one time i was sleeping over at a friends house and ended up on the floor bc the bed was so very small and i just stayed there because the rug was soft

that's a drunk jason move i don't know what to tell you

tim and jason are "i listen to pop punk" solidarity. whenever jason highjacks the batmobile theyll go on long ass car rides blaring mcr and paramore and then never talk about it again

as they should!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tim: no jason it's my turn using the aux cord i gotta put on my jams jason: don't you dare put on weird shit tim: don't worry, you're gonna love this *plays fearless (taylor's version)

hear me out hear me out, red hood stans 🤝 nightwing stans t h i g h s

holy shit yes.

SNL au: Bruce breaks character when pretending to superman and says something like "I'm not superman! You've seen his gps!! It's from 2001!!!" @sabeanybabe

superman flies past the snl building the next day just to say 'actually it's from 2005, i'm not a heathen'

does your back hurt from carrying the batfam fandom

it hurts more from the exotic rock collection i keep in my backpack, but thanks for the concern.

I love your posts by why would you always leave the best parts in the tags?

as a treat for the people that check the tags ;) (and also because i'm committed to the short post aesthetic)

somehow your playlist was everything i never knew i needed. i mean it. this is my new favorite playlist.

and don't you dare get a new favourite playlist!

babe ur stoner tim playlist is exactly too perfect, earth is literally blessed by ur existence

babe thanks so much! i love my stoner tim playlist because it's just my usual playlist but people think it's an artistic choice that i put taylor swift and britney spears in there, when it's just what i unironically like listening to

JANDKSKDK BILLY RAY CYRUS ON THE STONER TIM PLAYLIST I LOVE IT IT

again it's not even an ironic choice, i know every single word and i genuinely like the song

The last chapter of Fundamentals of Casework has me crying at work. Thanks I love it @dudelookitsalesbian

oh babe, i'm sorry, but also, not sorry i love chapter 4 so much it's my lovechild with the 'mental illness' tag

soooo....stumbled on your tumblr by some stroke of fate??? read your DC fanfic first. which is PHENOMENAL btw. then found all the batmemes; the funniest thing EVER bc everyone forgets about regular old gothamites. kept scrolling and your blog pops up as recommended. clicked on the ao3 for shits and giggles and waddaya know?!?!? it's YOU!!! you're LEGEND!!!! ever seen that meme? it's a video of a cat that got into a baseball field and the two announcers get really invested in his escape attempt and start giving a play by play of the cat instead of the game. memeable moment: "GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!"

i seriously think about this ask every single day and it's so fucking funny to me that i've never seen the meme you're referencing, but i still find myself going 'GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!' whenever i see something funny. but wow i'm glad you liked this steaming pile of garbage

Fav dc character overall? And fav batfamily character?

don't ask me to pick between the loves of my life, but i can tell you i've cried about every single batfamily member and also wally west (my beloved)

What's your opinion on fans having a problem with batfam being "too big"? And some even claim that batfam is just "Bruce Alfred Dick Damian" and the rest of them are just "friends and allies" (source: reddit) Personally, I like batfam because of this reason but idk

stupid. a family can never be too big. i'm not that big a fan of like huge batfam stuff with everybody from every single universe, because as much as it's funny for bruce to have like 30 kids, it just feels a little too OOC for me.

This is the best tag I've seen involving the batfam, thanks for thinking of it

This is canon now @nctxrejects

lmao yeah i think at that point alfred has had to sit through like at least a dozen coming out talks and just has a pride flag collection in the attic that he pulls out whenever a kid comes out

idk why batfam hits different as compared to any other superhero family

bc it's found family and usually the other superhero families are almost all genetically related in one way or another

I don't know if you watch the umbrella academy but I saw your last post about batcest and saw the similarities. But the thing is (although I think it's weird) in TUA, they addressed it by saying "they were raised as weapons, not siblings" or something along those lines, which is simply not the case with batfam.

yeah i watched tua but i also thought it was ridiculous and they still treated each other as siblings so i didn't like the luthor/allison thing, and am glad they stopped doing that shit bc it fucking sucked.

Hot take: Batcest shippers are the same people who believe adopted siblings are not actual siblings

smoking hot take: batcest shippers are the people who watch 'my sister got stuck in the washing machine' porn

Duke was adopted by Bruce?

not technically no, but do i, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb, look like i care?

True story but I had to change my freaking name because it used to be "Damien" and most people would go "OH LIKE DAMIAN WAYNE" like please I'm just tryna live

true story, but i don't actually think of damian when i hear the name damian, literally the first thing that pops up is damian darkh like bruh what?

apparently dc comics company supported comic stores by giving out new titles and stuff during the beginning of the pandemic to help them run and I just think that's wholesome

ah yeah that's so fucking cool, still don't like dc, the company, because this world is a capitalist hellhole and we're all owned by warner brothers or disney with no in between.

ayo looking at tumblr head canons and finding out bruce is actually a terrible father is a punch in the gut

lmao yes, in like 50% of comics bruce is a terrible father and it gives me whiplash

oooh I just saw the jason todd vs winter soldier post and the real question is: batman vs iron man

while iron man has like hundreds of cases of armor, batman could throw out an emp and have the guy dropping out of the sky in 2 seconds.

dickfast = fastdick = quickdick = quickie

magnum hot take

hey bata(?) just thought I'd let you know I have copied the obnoxious emoji and Billy Ray post for use on simping men going forth

thank you 😘🌷 (@spacebarsidecar)

why would you do that to your followers???? i get why i did it, but why would you???

what is scarecrow made the nightwing funko pop himself, like those diy-ers that paint over other ones

oh god no, horrible take, horrible take, that's a disgusting thought oh no

I see your HC that Bruce and Oliver fucked and raise you this: Dick and Roy ALSO fucked

yes they did and it was a horrible moment for jason to find out dick has fucked both of his best friends

"at this rate bruce adds like 1 child to his family every decade or so" Duke is introduced in 2013, Damian as Damian, not as an unnamed child, in 2006. And he is already 14 years old, Robins rarely remain Robins after 16 😬 It looks like a new Robin and Batkid will appear in a couple of years

i mean i can't wait? but somebody will probably die first tho, we're due for another major character death. my money's on either cass or duke this time.

BRO you're so right all of your Bruce's ex headcanons are amazing but they aren't ships, that's kinda wild. Like I don't want any peeks into how their relationship was I just want to see everyone make fun of them

lmao YES it's just i love bruce being a slut, like good for him.

I am in love with your posts your honour thank you

omg thanks are we like,, gonna kiss now?

The justice league needs to have a meeting to discuss how many of their members/partners have slept with bruce. Because through a combination of cannon & fannon (if DC wasn’t homophobic) we have AT LEAST: 1) clark 2) lois 3) oliver 4) dinah 5) john

Thats not counting villains or random civilians @dudelookitsalesbian

yes yes yes, they'll have a yearly meeting about how many of their collective exes could be out for revenge and batman's list just keeps getting longer.

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

and what about it?

when steph's fighting livewire and she zaps her with lighting and nothing happens and then they both just. stand there awkwardly for a second and talk. yeah i couldn't stop laughing at that batgirl steph is the BEST

oh yeah that was fucking hilarious and i think it would be so cool and sexy of dc to give steph a little comic series,,, as a treat

Hi I absolutely adore all of yours "Bruce and Oliver very badly pretending they didn't fuck each other" memes

lmao i do too

I need you to know that “Bruce Wayne had frosted tips” is one of my favorite Bruce takes of all time it’s so galaxy brained. you’re right and you should say it

he also painted his hair blonde once when he was travelling and in conclusion, this is why he's being blackmailed by the gotham gazette.

you know my thing about gordon being branded as the only good cop in gotham is its a load of shit like arguably he's a good person and not working to screw people over or anything but the fact that he also works w. batman makes him a shit cop. like yea batman is better than the mob but its still illegal its still an abuse of power he just not making bank

babe, all cops are bad cops. (but yeah youre absolutely right, working with vigilantes makes you a shit cop, but also working against vigilantes just makes you an asshole cop yanno?)

ruh roh i think i’m about to add “so not yeehaw” every time i don’t like something

that's a very good vocabulary upgrade

somehow i feel like steph already knew. like babs obviously knew but i feel like bruce got high/drunk in front of steph and started telling his boarding school stories and steph was just like “oh you fucked up i’m never gonna forget this”

steph and bruce have weird uncle/rebellious niece dynamic and they just hang out sometimes and bruce will be like 'i once broke my arm when i tripped over a hedge when i was drunk so oliver drove me to the hospital on an electric scooter' and steph will just have to sit there with that knowledge in her head.

Hello I just wanted to tell you you are So right in all your steph opinions bc she is, in fact amazing and I think that's very sexy of you. Ps. Your Bruce/Oliver fic is hilarious

babe, thank you so much and yes steph is amazing and i love her and she deserves the world and she's the best member of the batfam hands down. also thanks

In Supersons we see a couple of kids that are implied to be Damian and Jon's children and the boy has laser eyes and can fly, so I asume he's not adopted. The girl, who calls Bruce grandpa, can also fly, btw. So it's canon (probably by accident) that Jon can have kids and he must have married one of Bruce's kids. (I'm hoping for Damian, mostly because any other of his children would be waaaaaaaaaaaaay too old.) @artemisa97

lmao that was probably an accident seeing as jon is a 17 year old superhero in the year 3000 (by the jonas brothers)

You know, I'm a die hard fan of your memes, but I gotta say one thing: if Gothamites actually took gas mask everywhere with them, then the Scarecrow would just be a weird dude in a weird costume, and not a villain oh so scary. DC really should just takes notes from you.

bold of you to assume there's no gothamite anti-maskers

How does it feel being the funniest person on this app?

horrible, next question.

I can't listen to Green Day or Billy Joel without thinking of your post about how Bruce got arrested at a Billy Joel concert @nightwings-kid

yeah that's your mistake, i on the other hand can't enjoy billy joel without thinking about the glee rendition of 'uptown girl'

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

superman: so what do you do in your free time? batman, thinking about the superman fanfiction he's writing on the batcomputer: i have no free time

bruce and oliver be like boyfriends to co-workers 401k (do the justice leagues get 401ks??? not that bruce and ollie would need them, but-)

lmao yes just 400 thousand words of bruce realising 'oh dip oliver is such a fucking dumbass' (also i don't know what a 401 k is but i assume they don't?)

Gothamites would totally boo superman as he saves Gotham while batman is out. @meenje

he's like 'okay think about that next time you want to be saved from an alien octopus'

I just took long break from dc comics and I come back to see ric grayson ??

i think it's very cool and sexy of dc to see dick and just think 'you know what? let's just give him a traumatic brain injury' and then didn't develop his character in any real way

SPEAKING OF RIC GRAYSON, gothamites making confused memes out of ric grayson is much needed

'dick grayson is my taxi driver? can anyone explain what the fuck happened he looks like an italian plumber?'

i hate to say it but batfam are def "marvel characters" in that sense they are characters who are human but become superheroes unlike most dc characters who are gods trying to be human maybe this is why I like batfam

fair enough

[scaramouche-bully]

hi uhhhhhh can i join the childe bully club. i love to fuck him till he passes out i would like to grow a penis for the sole purpose of disciplining him. uhhhh can i be 🐞 anon. i might forget the emoji i picked but whatever

anyway. childe brat taming. i imagine when u first start banging with him he tries to act all tough but soon he finds himself hard when you forcefully push him down or grab his hair. he refuses to admit it but You see it and u keep giving him what he wants until one day you just Stop and ur back to that vanilla shit n he doesnt! know! how! to! bring! it! up! bc hes a cocky ass white boy! n u purposefully run into him jacking off while begging you to step on him and you just smirk at him and say "well all you had to do is to beg, whore" and he tries to deny it!! but fails the moment you grab his chin and slowly you start training him to be the biggest slut and now he cant cum without you stepping or gripping his cock and just. hurting him god i want to ruin him so bad.

i think i started wanting to fuck him out of hatred when his banner was first here and i wanted diona but nooo slut boy had to come home but now im like. vaguely attached to him but i still hate him so it just manifests like This lmfao

Hi 🐞,

Considering the mess that just happened, it's nice to come back to this. Let's just forgive and move on 😌

This is an overdue reply but I'm here. Apologies once again if it seemed I was ignoring this ask, I just have a lot to get through. But I do promise that I will answer everyone. I've added you to the member's list as well. This is what I have in mind for sub T*rtaglia. Suddenly awakening his masochistic tendencies and never being able to let them go. It's almost cute. My hatred stemmed from losing the 50/50 and having to work hard for another 90 rolls. Plus we weren't given the foul legacy form (and yes, I know it hurts him to use it).

- 🐑

[kashimos-hajime]

sawdust and plastic | g.t.

summary: you learn two things from your first real fight with goro. 1) he apologizes through cooking. 2) he hates it when they argue.

WARNINGS: spoilers for the gimme danger main job, swearing, slight angst, theye just communicating pairing: goro takemura x fem!street-kid!v word count: 2.2k

a/n: written with a fem!street-kid v who used to be a corpo kid. also dont yell at me but i rearranged v's apartment so the couch goes on all 3 sides bc comfortable :^) crossposted on ao3! enjoy :) 

part of the tales of a two-bit thief series

Sitting down on the couch, you kick up your feet for the first time in what you feel like has been ages. From Jackson Plains to reconnaissance on the Arasaka warehouse, you haven’t eaten shit besides the yakitori Takemura had ordered at that booth which already felt like ages ago. It’d been good—better than the trash you’ve eaten as a kid so you don’t really get picky—but you can’t help but recall the disgust on Takemura’s face when he had taken a single bite.

“Sawdust and plastic.”

You snort, running hands over your face and tilting your head back. Stupid fucking Japanese man with an endearing sense of dry-humour and… zero tolerance for your cheeky smiles. 

Then he had to go ahead and bring up Jack.

His words, cold, callous, echo in your skull like a goddamn radio and you squeeze your eyes tight, raking your hands down your face and melting into the couch. No matter how much you wanna stop it, you can’t help hearing it over and over and over.

Grabbing the remote, you’re about to switch on a channel in hopes you catch something that cna take your mind off everything when there’s a knock on your door.

For a moment, you truly debate telling them to fuck off but then, there is a pause.

“V.”

Eyes widening, your body goes rigid at the sound of his voice.

“V, let me in before I look anymore foolish.”

In the back of your head, you tempt the idea of just leaving him out there, pretending like you’ve fallen asleep, but then you get up anyway against your better judgement. You drag your feet over the floor, picking up old takeout boxes you haven’t had time to clean up and tossing clothes into a hamper to make your apartment look more like an organized mess than the dumpster fire you know Takemura will scold you for.

When you reach the door, you let him in without a word and you note the bags he holds on, hoisting them over to your living room counter.

“What’s this?” you question wearily. “Goro, I’m not hungry.”

“I realized I must apologize for my harsh words.” Beginning to pull out the groceries, you walk over and peer inside the bag, frowning. All the stuff inside is cheap synth shit, nothing you haven’t eaten before, but you’re still confused as to what’s going on since you don’t exactly have a kitchen in your place, but then out of one of the thicker bags, Takemura pulls out a big box.

“For saying them?”

“Yes." He sets the box down before continuing with groceries. “Earlier, I told you if I had time and resources, I would cook onigiri.”

“With cod, or grilled salmon. Or umeboshi plums, because they were Saburo’s favourite,” you finish and he sends you a look that could’ve been a smile if his lips had curved more and his eyes meant it. “I remember.” Helping him with the big box, you cut it open and find a rice cooker within. Eyeing the contraption with an arched eyebrow, you can’t help but ask: “Where’d you find this stuff?”

“It was difficult. I had to lower my standards.” 

“Lowering standards,” you echo dryly, unable to help your empty smile. “Yeah. We do that a lot in grand ole NC.” He doesn’t seem amused by you even trying to help as you sit down on the couch, twist to watch him work. “Are you sure you don’t want me to help?”

“I am cooking to apologize. It would not be honourable for you to help me,” he replies shortly and you nod to yourself, turning back around to watch the news. Nothing about a break-in with the floats, nothing at all indicating… anything.

For some reason, it makes you uneasy. The last time you snuck into an Arasaka building, everything went to shit and it made its mark. The lack of visible ripples makes you feel like nothing’s happened at all. Like it’s all been a fever dream, and you and Takemura didn’t sit on that roof for hours, watching the cat, just… talking.

Jesus, you need to get laid.

“Still don’t know why you bother cooking,” you say. Takemura noticeably stiffens and even though you don’t see it, you can almost feel the way he manipulates the air he stands in. He has that power—pure corpo power—and you clench your jaw. “Why waste time on someone so lazy as me?”

“V—"

“Nah, my bad. Arrogant. Hell, you probably see all the takeout around here and think I’m taking some easy route to food.” The bitterness is enough to puncture holes in steel as you stare blankly at the screen. “After all, I dirty my hands for money,” you quote. Your chest tightens as you hear his voice echo in yours, the way he had said it so coldly. Stomach turning, you shake your head. “Not in the name of some fucking principles.”

There’s a silence on his end and you close your eyes, swallowing through the bruising in your throat, a telltale sign you’re holding back tears. Just the mention of Jackie makes you want to spiral and you take a deep breath, trying not to react.

For the first time, you think Johnny might be right.

“Damn right, I am,” a voice says and you open your eyes, gaze fluttering to the side to see Johnny lounging against your couch. You turn around to see Takemura’s moved to the bathroom, probably to clean rice… however the fuck you make onigiri. You don’t know. You’re too tired to care about food, or feelings, or anything. “Never can trust a corpo. They all want one thing.”

“I don’t need to remind you that I was a corpo kid, do I?”

“Not anymore. It’s about principles.” Johnny’s tone is wry and you scowl at him. “What? If there’s one thing you might be able to relate to is that you both have ‘em. His might be wrong as shit, but…”

“Yeah, whatever.” 

“Oh, don’t tell me you’re gonna forgive him. This guy’s got you wrong, V. You don’t waste time on people like that.”

“I don’t have time to stay angry with him,” you argue. “The fact is, I’m dying and he’s gonna be the only one who can save me.” Johnny sits up straight, leaning on his knees and you sigh, shaking your head. Resting your arm along the back of the couch, you fit your hand to your face, pinching the bridge of your nose. “Fuck.”

“Stop. Don’t do it, V. It’s not worth it,” Johnny warns, standing up and you wrench your gaze up as you shift your feet on the floor and lean forward, burying your face in your hands. “I can feel everything you are feeling, and if I have to deal with your indecisive debates on whether or not it’s worth it to become attached to this corp piece of shit, I’ll kill myself.”

“You’re already dead, Johnny.”

“Let me live a little.” He stands and edges around you as if he were real and you rest your chin in your palms, watching as his holographic imagine crosses you before glitching back into view again across the table. He sits down. “The truth is, you’re gonna have a hell of a problem.”

“I know.”

“So, stop.” Johnny says it like it’s so easy and you chew on your cheek as the faucet turns off and you turn around to see Takemura begin to leave your bathroom. His pale eyes catch yours and you turn around only to see your brain tumour’s gone and left you alone. It’s eerily quiet in your head and you stand, clearing your throat.

Takemura slips the clean rice into the rice cooker before closing it and you cross your arms below your breasts, squeezing yourself tightly. You feel bare in your clothes despite wearing your scuffed jacket. He regards you warily, and then he sighs, gesturing to the couch—a silent ask.

 You nod, stepping back and letting him take where you were sitting earlier. You retreat across from him, where Johnny was sitting and he glances around your apartment. You wonder if he’s judging even more of you, but then he looks into his hands, swallowing visibly. 

“V—"

“You’re not the only one with principles. Just because I kill for money don't mean I'd do anything for it,” you begin coldly, leaning back and studying him. “And nothing about my life has been easy. When I said you did what you had to do to keep food on the table, that wasn’t me judging you. That was me getting it, alright, Goro?” His eyes meet yours and you arch an eyebrow, scoffing. “Not my problem if you don’t believe me. Yeah, I oppose corps, because they ruined my life, and so many other people’s lives no one can count 'em, but that doesn't mean you're any better than me. You don’t get to make assumptions about me. You never get to make assumptions about Jackie.That is all I have to say.”

He nods, accepting your harsh tone and you bite your tongue, trying not to burn down the bridge anymore than you need to as you prop a foot up against the table. Takemura doesn't say anything for a hot moment and you think you've wasted your time. Your knee jiggles. He doesn't even look at you.

Then: “I must again say that we are both still grieving. We ache to lash out. That is why I said what I said, and why, I presume, you say what you say.” He steeples his fingers and regards you with those eyes, gorgeous in their own right. “I understand what I said was callous. You have been nothing but understanding to my own loss.”

“No shit.”

“And I understand Mr. Welles was your friend.”

“He was like my brother,” you correct icily. “He’s been there for me since the beginning, I—I can’t forgive you saying something like that about him so easily, Goro.”

He dips his head. “I understand. It is why I cook for you. It is how I best express myself." The corner of his mouth tugs up faintly in a mirthless facsimile of a smile before he exhales sharply through his nose, looking at you again. "I confess I have not had time recently to cook, but I will do my best.” Johnny’s link comes to life at the mention and your own stomach squirms silently. “We are in this together, V. I do not wish for you to be angry at me.”

“Don’t do it, V. Don’t take it.”

“Fuck off, Johnny. I’m starving.” Aloud, you say: “I’ll be angry for a while. Just… let me sleep on it and we'll see from there.” He nods and you let your arms fall to your sides as you sit up. “It’s been a long few days, so I just… I just want to not think about anything for a while, you know?”

“I understand.”

He says that a lot, you notice. 

“Thank you for apologizing, at least,” you continue grudgingly. “Thanks.” You stand and gesture vaguely around the place. “Make yourself at home. I’m… I’m going to shower and scrub this grime off.” Dried blood, sweat, dirt, et cetera. He nods and stands as well, returning to the tiny cooking station he’s made for himself. You head to your closet, managing to pick out a clean shirt that’s a bit big and a jacket you ripped off a 6th Street goon a few weeks back. You just picked it up from the cleaners.

Heading for the bathroom, you set your crap on the toilet cover before poking your head out. Spotting Takemura sitting in front of the table, carefully sharpening a knife, you wait until he’s noticed you staring and he prompts you silently to ask.

“How’d you even know where I live, anyway?” 

He turns his gaze back on the blade.

“Ms. Olszewski marked it in my map, should the need arise.”

“This was a need?” you ask, curiously sardonic. Takemura doesn’t smile back and again, you get that impression he either doesn’t know how or he doesn’t do it often enough to remember. For some reason, that makes you sad. "Could've left it well enough alone. You know that."

“Oh, come on, V,” Johnny murmurs in your ear. “Don’t wax poetics on this guy.”

You ignore him.

“I do not enjoy the thought of a rift between you and I,” admits Takemura. He sets down the knife and sighs, eyes flitting to you briefly. Your hand wraps around the doorframe and you press your lips into a faint frown. "I... I have grown used to you."

You nod despite the words punching into your chest. “I don’t like it when we fight either.” At least, that you don’t have to fight twice to figure out. Your expression eases and your shoulders drop. “I’ll just hop in. Help yourself to whatever you can find. Really.” He accepts your offer with another nod and you close the door. It locks and you press your back against the metal, tipping your head back.

“For the love of—“

“Shut it, Johnny. Just… just give me a second.”

And on one of the rare occassions that he listens to you, Silverhand says nothing about how your heart doesn’t feel like wrought iron anymore.