#not tagging anything else so no one will find it

[earlysunshines]

we'll be alright, please try again

kim minji x fem!reader ; angst, fluff

synopsis: you and minji break it off, both emotionally and physically, each pushing the other away. but the universe has other plans, bringing you two back to square one as if you were always meant to find your way back to one another.

warnings: sixth member!reader ; arguing ; pining ; reader is canadian for the plot but it's not even that important it's just for a silly tims joke and smth more ; ugh they're so in love get away ; angsty but super fluffy + heavy pining ; a lot in one ; iffy pacing imo ; have fun with this one i rly liked writing this ; wtv else i didnt mention

a/n: guys PLEAAASSSE don’t be scared of the hook and angst tag PLSGIYS i swear it’s sweet… i swear. i was smiling throughout don’t be scared… it’s not THAT bad ANYWAYS i want timmy's so bad rn... un cafe infuse froid a la vanille si vous PLAAAIIT someone send me timbits asap

“i think we should break up.”

minji’s head snaps toward you, eyes wide, an exasperated “what?” escaping her lips.

confusion flashes across her face, and for good reason. everything has been good between you two, really good—no fighting, no tension, just the usual hustle of practice and training. you’ve both always found a way to make it work, to balance everything. so why now? why are you saying this?

you can’t bring yourself to meet her gaze, your eyes focused on some spot on the floor instead, teeth worrying your bottom lip.

“we’re both training so hard,” you murmur, your voice barely above a whisper. “i think we should focus on that for now.”

“but… everything is fine,” she says, a pleading note in her voice. “i don’t get it…”

truth is, you don’t want this—not at all. the idea of breaking up with her makes your chest tighten painfully. but things have gotten tougher lately, the rules stricter, your company’s expectations weighing heavily on you. being with minji would only make things harder down the line, for her and for you. you’d never want to hold her back—not her, not the person you love more than anything.

“i think it’s best for us,” you repeat, though your voice lacks conviction.

minji’s brows knit together, her eyes searching your face. “why do you get to decide this?” she argues, her voice rising slightly. “let’s just… talk it out. we can work through this, can’t we? we always work it out.”

you’ve only been together a few months, but they’ve been some of the best months of your life—of her life too, you know that. both of you are still figuring things out, still finding yourselves in the midst of all this chaos. hell, neither of you are legal adults yet, both being sixteen and clueless. but it’s minji who made you realize you’d never feel this way for anyone else, certainly not a man. she was the first girl who gave you butterflies just by smiling at you, the first whose hand you held with a racing heart, the first whose cheek you kissed, feeling your face flush with warmth.

and there’s that one memory, a core memory that replays in your mind like a favorite song—you can still feel her hands gently holding your face, the way her eyes sparkled with something pure, something deep, right before she leaned in and kissed you. your first kiss, your first everything. she’s your first love, and the thought of letting that go feels like tearing out a piece of yourself. 

tearing yourself away from her would be better for her anyway, that’s what your company insisted anyway.

“please,” minji whispers, and there’s a crack in her voice that breaks you all over again. “don’t do this.”

you swallow hard, your resolve wavering. your chest feels heavy, like you’re carrying a weight you can’t bear. but you press your lips together, fighting the urge to reach out and pull her into your arms, where she belongs.

“it’s… it’s better this way,” you say, even as everything inside you screams the opposite.

minji shakes her head slowly, a tear slipping down her cheek. “it’s not,” she insists, voice breaking. “it’s not better… not for me.”

and you know, deep down, it’s not better for you either.

“minji,” you begin, voice faltering. 

“don’t minji me,” she snaps, eyes fierce and determined. “we’re not breaking up.”

“we have to, don’t you get it?” your voice breaks, tears welling up as you stand in front of the entrance to her dorm, the one she always complained about, the one you’ve come to know so well. “how will we ever debut if we have these worries and burdens in the back of our minds?”

minji pauses, her features softening, but her gaze remains fixed on you. “you think i’m a burden?”

“n-no! no, minji, no.” you shake your head quickly, regretting your words the second they leave your mouth. “it’s not like that… my company’s been on my back, pushing me harder, and they might move me to another one. god, i feel like a pawn in chess or something. look, it’s just… it’s best we focus on our own paths right now.”

minji’s eyes search yours, hurt etched across her face. “we’ve always made time for each other before. what’s different this time? y/n, i love you.”

“we’re sixteen, minji,” you say, your voice barely above a whisper. “we’re young and… and stupid, and nothing in the future is promised.”

“well, i want you in mine. i would do anything to make sure you’re there in mine, anything.” she insists, her voice trembling, “even if you debut and i don’t, or the other way around—i want you there. i want you there always.” she steps closer, her hands coming up to rest on your shoulders, her touch warm and steady, even as your own resolve begins to crumble. 

her words make your neck tense, your lip quiver. you feel the tears spill over, hot against your skin. minji moves one hand to your cheek, her thumb brushing away the tears, her gaze softening as she whispers, “i love you. i love you when i’m exhausted from practice, i love you when i’m stressed over exams, i love you when we only have a few minutes together… i love you every moment of every day. i can’t… i can’t let you go.”

you shake your head, your breath coming out in short, uneven gasps as you pull away from her touch. minji’s brows knit together, her eyes filled with concern as she watches you crumble, sees you bury your face in your hands. you take a shaky breath, wiping your tears away with the back of your hand.

“i’m sorry, minji,” you choke out, your voice heavy with emotion. “i love you, but we can’t… we can’t do this. i don’t want to talk about it anymore. you don’t need me in your life. i—” your breath hitches, your heart clenching painfully in your chest. you wonder if it’s worth it, if sacrificing what you have with her is really the way to achieve your dreams. “i don’t need you in mine right now,” you finish, your voice cracking, every word cutting through you. “we should focus on our own things.”

minji stares at you, her eyes searching yours, her heart breaking, the words slowly sinking in. a tear slips down her cheek, and she doesn’t bother to wipe it away.

you take a step back, your vision blurred with tears. “i’m sorry, minji… i’m doing this for us—for you.”

you turn away, your chest tight, and as you walk away, the sound of minji’s quiet sobs echoes in your ears, each one tearing at your heart a little more. but you don’t look back. you can’t. not now, not when every step away from her feels like losing a part of yourself.

—

it’s been a year. one long, agonizing year since you last spoke to minji. a year spent fighting the urge to look through the hidden folder on your phone filled with photos of the two of you, each image a reminder of what you lost. you’ve stopped crying every night—first every week, then every month. but the guilt, the sorrow of losing her, the love of your life, still clings to you like a shadow.

you’ve thrown yourself into training, harder than ever. it stopped being about debuting a long time ago; now it’s just a distraction, a way to drown out the ache that never seems to fade. but was it worth it, listening to the company, if the will to keep going feels like it’s slipping through your fingers?

then, one day, they pull you aside. your company tells you you’re being relocated, moved to another company that’s shown interest in you, in your potential. they say you might debut sooner. it sounds like everything you should want, so you agree, packing your bags and letting them shuttle you off to the new dorms, even if a part of you feels numb, disconnected.

when you arrive at the new building, something about it feels familiar. the hallway, the scent in the air, the way the light filters through the windows—it all makes your heart thud in your chest, unease curling in your stomach. memories you tried so hard to bury start to bubble up.

you shake your head, trying to clear your thoughts, and push open the door to your new room. it’s… not much. the walls look a little worn, there’s a fine layer of dust on the shelves, and it’s small—cramped, really. not surprising. you’re still a trainee, after all. you didn’t expect luxury.

inside, two girls turn to look at you, surprised by your sudden entrance. one is shorter, with wavy hair and a bright, warm smile, the other taller and younger-looking, with a curious expression. you manage a small, polite smile in return. 

“hi, they sent me to source–”

“you must be y/n?” the girl with wavy hair interrupts, tilting her head slightly, studying you with interest as you shut the door behind you. “i’m danielle, nice to meet you.” her voice is friendly, her eyes sparkling with curiosity.

“hi, nice to meet you too.” you reply, noticing the slight arch of her brows. your korean is decent, but the accent still lingers, evident enough to catch attention. 

“i’m hyein,” the younger girl chimes in, a grin spreading across her face. “are you from here?”

“n-no, i’m not,” you stammer, a little caught off guard. “you could tell from my accent, huh? i’m still working on my korean. i’m fluent in english though.”

hyein glances at danielle, then back to you. she points at danielle and adds, “danielle speaks english too.”

“you do?” you ask, turning to danielle. she nods.

“yeah,” danielle says, switching to english with an easy smile. “it’s nice to have another english speaker around. two of the other trainees speak it pretty well too.” her accent is thick, australian, and it’s like a tiny piece of familiarity amidst all the change.

a small relief floods through you, just enough to calm the nerves that have been knotting your stomach all day. “oh, that’s… that’s good to know,” you say, a faint smile tugging at your lips.

“yeah,” danielle agrees, and for the first time since you arrived, you feel like maybe, just maybe, this new start won’t be as hard as you thought.

they both help you settle in, and soon you find yourself sharing a bed with hyein. it’s cramped, barely enough space for two, but it’s better than nothing. you’re grateful for their kindness. both of them seem so genuinely sweet, and you quickly learn that danielle is only a year younger than you, while hyein is much younger. she’s practically a child, literally a child, you feel a protective instinct kick in immediately. there’s a sincerity in her wide-eyed curiosity, an innocence that makes you want to look out for her, to make sure nothing ever limits her spirit.

danielle, on the other hand, is a ball of sunshine—radiating warmth and energy that makes the room feel brighter. she’s constantly smiling, her laughter infectious, and even though there’s a hint of tiredness in the way she moves, a slight slump to her shoulders, she’s still so full of life. she talks a lot, her voice light and cheerful as she shoots question after question while getting to know you. it’s hard not to be eased by her easygoing charm. 

as the night wears on, they do their best to lift your spirits, sensing the nerves that still linger just beneath the surface. danielle makes a few silly jokes that make you smile despite yourself, and hyein tries to comfort you with small gestures—a reassuring pat on the arm, a soft-spoken “it’s okay, you’ll get used to it. they must’ve relocated you for a reason!” they can tell you’ve been thrown into this new situation without much warning, and they’re doing their best to make you feel welcome. 

you feel a strange mixture of fear and hope—this whole thing is still so new, so uncertain. it’s unsettling to be here, to have been displaced so suddenly, but at least your new roommates are wonderful. they’re different from the people at your old company, where the atmosphere had been tense, filled with a kind of hostility that always made you feel on edge. here, there’s warmth, a sense of camaraderie you haven’t felt in a long time.

you wonder if this company will be any different. you hope it doesn’t end up ripping you apart like the last one, but for now, you find comfort in the gentle smiles and kind words of danielle and hyein. they make this unfamiliar place feel a little less lonely, a little less scary, and for tonight, that’s enough.

—

danielle shakes you and hyein awake at the crack of dawn, urging you both to get ready for training. it’s a normal routine for them, but for you, it’s the start of something new. you rush through your morning routine—skincare, a light layer of makeup, and clothes you hope are suitable for dancing. you quickly follow the two out, trailing behind as they lead you down a path toward another building, one that you assume is where all the training happens.

inside, they guide you through the hallways until you reach a room. danielle opens the door, and you’re greeted by an empty dance studio. hyein lights up at the sight, a wide grin spreading across her face. “we have some time to warm up before the other three get here,” she says, already jogging inside.

danielle steps in next, and you follow, trying to push down the nerves fluttering in your stomach. you all sit on the floor, stretching your legs, trying to loosen up and prepare for what you know will be hours of hard work. you focus on improving your flexibility, feeling the slight burn in your muscles as you push yourself further. ten minutes pass, and just as you start to feel a little more at ease, there’s a knock at the door.

the three of you turn your heads in unison, watching as the door creaks open and a girl shuffles in, rubbing her eyes like she just woke up. behind her, two more girls enter—the first is a shorter girl who yawns deeply with each step she takes, but the second girl… your heart stops dead in your chest.

kim minji.

kim fucking minji.

she catches your gaze, and both of you freeze. time seems to halt, your eyes locking onto each other in shock. minji looks just as stunned as you feel, her expression mirroring the disbelief you know is written all over your face. you can’t breathe, can’t think—your mind is spinning, and your heart feels like it’s dropped to your stomach.

before you can fully process what’s happening, a voice from the other side of the room snaps you back to reality. “you’re the new girl? nice to meet you! i’m hanni,” the shorter girl says, approaching with a friendly smile.

you force yourself to tear your eyes away from minji, swallowing hard before managing a polite smile in return. “nice to meet you, i’m y/n.”

minji, on the other hand, feels like she’s caught in a dream—or maybe a nightmare. you’re standing right there, in front of her, looking just as beautiful as you did the last time she saw you, minus the tears streaming down your face. she thought she had done pretty well moving on, pushing you aside so far in her mind so that she only thinks of you when she’s not bombarded with coursework or training—so rarely. she can’t move, can’t speak, not until danielle calls her over, breaking her from her trance. she takes a shaky breath and forces herself to join the group, her mind still reeling.

the room feels charged with tension, both of you stealing glances when you think the other isn’t looking, neither daring to say a word. it’s a strange, painful coincidence, running into each other like this. it’s almost as if cupid is playing a cruel joke, aiming to tear your heart to pieces rather than make it flutter.

and the worst part is, you just have to push on with practice like there’s no history between you two. like you don’t have memories stored up in your mind of her laugh, the way her hand fit in yours, or the way she looked at you like you were the only person in the world. both of you are still so young, but you know better than to let your feelings get in the way—not when debuting is on the line.

you take a deep breath, trying to steady your nerves as you introduce yourself to everyone again, making sure to keep your eyes anywhere but on minji. your voice is calm, your smile practiced, and you do your best to pretend that she isn’t standing just a few feet away, close enough for you to hear her breath hitch, close enough that you can almost feel the weight of her stare. 

the room is filled with conversation as the girls introduce themselves back, one by one. you nod, exchange pleasantries, but every word feels heavy, like you’re walking on a tightrope above a pit of old memories and unspoken feelings. you focus on the faces in front of you, the ones you haven’t seen before, trying to absorb their names and voices — hanni, haerin, danielle, hyein, and… — anything to distract from the familiar face you know too well.

then, practice begins, and you force yourself to concentrate on learning the choreography, to commit every move to memory. the beats of the music fill the room, and you step in time, trying to mirror danielle and hanni’s movements. you stretch your arms, pivot your feet, focus on your control, and move across the floor, pretending that your ex-love-of-your-life isn’t right there, just a few steps away. 

you try not to notice minji’s presence, the way her hair falls across her face when she turns, or the way she bites her lip when she’s trying to focus. you do everything you can to ignore the quickening of your heart whenever you hear her voice, sharp and clear, giving feedback to the others. you push down the memories that threaten to surface, the images of stolen kisses and whispered secrets, forcing yourself to focus on the rhythm, the steps, and the music.

but it’s hard to pretend when every glance feels loaded, every second that passes feels like an eternity. you know you’re here for a reason, to work hard, to debut, to make something of yourself, and you can’t let old feelings get in the way of that—not now, not ever. still, as you dance, you feel a pang of something deep in your chest, a longing that no amount of practice can seem to shake. not this time.

—

another year goes by, a year of slowly building bonds with the other girls and learning how to navigate around minji’s presence. the two of you have grown, mature enough to look each other in the eye, exchange a few words when necessary, but never more than that. neither of you dare to willingly interact beyond what's required.

an unspoken agreement hangs between you both: act alright in front of the others, get along enough to avoid raising questions, and move on. it’s all you can do. three hundred and sixty-five days pass, and in that time, you begin to notice more about minji, the side of her that never wavered, the side that’s still so caring towards everyone around her. 

you see her helping hanni with her korean, keeping hyein motivated with endless praises, complimenting danielle on her improvements, and reassuring haerin when worries weigh on her. minji’s always been the caring type, that never changed. neither did her pretty, gummy smile, her soft eyes, the way her eyebrows furrow in concentration—everything about her that once made your heart skip a beat still lingers, still draws your attention.

it stings, realizing your feelings haven’t faded. they’re still there, buried beneath the surface, and you know they’ll remain, how could they not? it’s kim minji you’re dealing with. if you debut together, those feelings will continue to simmer, but you push them down, suppress them, because you’re the one who created the distance between you two. the tension is your fault, and you have to deal with your mistakes.

minji tries not to break, not when she sees you laughing and being carefree with the others, yet stiff and distant around her. she knows she should be angry, and she is, but not enough to hate you. you’re both just young, chasing your dreams, and if that means leaving her behind, minji will accept it. as long as you’re happy, she can let go, because no matter what, she’ll always care about you, always love you in her own quiet way.

her feelings haven’t faded either, and sometimes it shows—when you’re with the others, bringing laughter and light into the room, she remembers the way you once brought that same warmth into her life. but staying stuck in the past won’t help her, and minji knows that. she allows herself a few glances, lets her gaze linger on you when she thinks no one’s looking, before pulling herself back to reality.

there’s always that unspoken tension in the air, the weight of words never said, the feelings both of you try so hard to bury. but somehow, you manage to keep going. you get by, coexisting in the same space, neither of you willing to confront the past, but not quite able to forget it either.

—

two days until debut, and the excitement is electric.

all six of you are buzzing, nerves mixed with joy. after years of grinding, sleepless nights, and moments where the dream seemed too far, you're almost there—right on the cusp of what you've always wanted. the final practice for "attention" wraps up, and you gather in a circle, sharing words of encouragement. the rehearsal went better than any of you could have hoped for, and the anticipation of seeing the music video reactions and stepping on stage for the first time is almost too much to handle.

the energy in the room shifts once practice is over, everyone easing into a more relaxed state. danielle is sprawled out on the floor, leaning against hanni, who's leaning on hyein. haerin sits by the mirror, legs crossed, lost in her thoughts. minji, meanwhile, stands near the mirror on the other side of the room, hands on her hips, staring at her reflection. you're in the center of the room, watching her without even realizing it, your eyes tracing the curve of her back before you finally gather the nerve to approach her.

you tap her shoulder twice, and she turns around, surprise flickering across her face. "y/n?" she says softly.

"hey..." you respond, suddenly shy, your eyes flickering from her chin to her collarbone, avoiding direct eye contact. "can we talk?"

minji hesitates, glancing around the room before nodding. "alright."

you lead her out of the practice room, both of you offering quick excuses as you slip away. the walk down the hallway is quiet, the silence heavy between you. minji waits for you to say something, but you can't seem to find the words until you reach a small window in front of a couch and potted plant. the light streaming in casts a soft glow over the space, and you take a deep breath.

“we’re debuting soon,” you say, the words awkward as they leave your mouth.

“yeah,” she breathes, her gaze following yours out the window.

“it’s been my— our dream for so long,” you continue, voice quiet. “i know things have been... rough between us. and that’s on me. i wanted to apologize.”

you take a deep breath, forcing yourself to meet her eyes, even if just for a moment. “from here on out, i want to mend things between us.”

minji’s eyes widen, and you can see the surprise written all over her face. you can tell she’s about to say something, but you press on before she can interrupt.

“i’m not asking for us to go back to how things were, i know that’s wrong of me to ask, considering i… yeah.” you clarify, gulping and trying to supress a faint blush. “but i want us to be members, to get along. eventually, maybe even friends again. i just want to fix things—at least a little. i know our past was complicated, but if we’re going to debut together, i want there to be less tension. more of... a broken bridge than no bridge at all, you know?”

your words hang in the air, and minji is silent for a few moments, processing. she looks at you with an expression you can’t quite place, and for a moment, you wonder if you’ve said too much. then she speaks, her voice quiet, almost fragile.

“okay,” she says, the word barely escaping her throat. “i want that too.”

relief washes over you, and you let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding. a small smile tugs at your lips. “i’m glad. i hope we can talk more, catch up... maybe do something normal again.”

“something normal,” minji echoes, a hint of uncertainty in her voice, but she smiles. it’s a soft, genuine smile, one that makes your heart clench a little.

the two of you stand there, the silence between you now comfortable, not heavy like before. for the first time in what feels like forever, you’re seeing her—really seeing her. minji’s changed. she’s more mature, more thoughtful in her actions, her words. there’s a quiet authority about her now, especially as the eldest. the others look up to her, and honestly, so do you. hell, you’ve always looked up to her. she’s become even more beautiful, the soft evening light highlighting her features, giving her this glow that makes it hard to look at her for too long without feeling something stir inside you.

minji, on the other hand, is taking you in as well, a quiet smile on her lips as she does. there’s something almost poetic about this moment—you two, standing here together, about to debut in the same group. just years ago you two had met by the river, built a friendship and more, then less. regardless of what would have happened to the two of you, you’d end up together again.

to think that there was a whole time where you were both in different buildings, different spaces, hoping the other would make it. now, you’re side by side, part of the same dream, somehow together again. both of you made it.

—

after your first debut stage, adrenaline courses through your veins as the six of you rush backstage, breathless and buzzing. the girls are squealing, jumping around, and you can’t help but grin at them. then, your eyes meet minji’s across the room. her smile is genuine, proud, and it softens something inside you. you mirror her expression, holding her gaze longer than you should, until danielle tackles you with a hug so tight you feel like your ribs might cave in.

“that was amazing!” danielle beams, pulling back just enough to see your face, her eyes sparkling. “i can’t believe we just did that.”

“i know, right?” you respond in english, your body finally beginning to relax. “i’m so... overwhelmed, but in the best way.”

“so many people were cheering for you.” danielle pokes your cheek playfully, a mischievous smirk tugging at her lips. “bet it was that wink you pulled off during your ending fairy.”

your face flushes instantly, and you push her away with a groan. “stop! i was nervous! i didn’t know what else to do…”

danielle’s laughter is contagious, and soon hanni joins in, her eyes twinkling with amusement. “smooth wink, miss l/n,” she teases. “you might end up with a lot of fangirls, more than guys i bet.”

you whine, trying to push them both away, before finding refuge by haerin, who’s spaced out in her own world. she blinks at you, a bit startled as you point over to danielle, hanni, and now hyein, who’s joined in, the trio replaying your ending fairy. they giggle like kids, mocking the way you winked and bit the inside of your lip. haerin just sighs in understanding, standing beside you like a silent bodyguard.

minji watches the whole scene unfold from a distance, a small smile tugging at her lips. there’s a warmth in her chest, seeing everyone so carefree and happy after all the hard work. she’s beyond glad that you all made it, that the dream finally came true.

(even if you’re not hers anymore, you’re happy, and that’s more than enough for her. minji is grateful just to know that.)

–

the next month flies by in a blur. your ep is out, there’s promotions, interviews, a few meetings, and just so much. despite the whirlwind, every feeling from every moment sticks with you, vivid and sharp.

each track from your ep gains massive popularity, spreading across the globe with people praising the group left and right. your debut isn’t just a debut—it’s the debut of the year, and suddenly, everyone’s talking about you. you’ve become the new “it” group, with people especially stunned by hyein’s talent at such a young age. the attention is surreal, but what shocks you the most is the way people are talking about you. everywhere you look, there are comments about your visuals, your voice, and the shy praise makes your cheeks burn.

(of course, hanni and danielle never miss the chance to tease you about your ending fairies blowing up online. each one garners thousands of views, and despite the attention, you cringe at every single one.)

but while you’re in the spotlight, so is minji. social media can’t get enough of her, with countless posts gushing over her visuals. people are stunned by how effortlessly beautiful she is, how her voice carries a certain warmth and depth. all the things you’ve always admired about her are now being praised by the world. her popularity is skyrocketing, and it’s no surprise to you. minji has always been stunning, both inside and out, and now everyone else is finally seeing what you’ve known all along.

it’s bittersweet; all the gushing over minji had been your little thing before you messed it all up.

—

minji sits with the rest of the girls in the dorm complex, a new one near hybe. it’s nicer, not as cramped as the old place, and even though she still shares a bed with haerin, she loves it. 

(it’s a queen sized bed instead of a full size, she’s not complaining at all.)

she’s grateful for everything, especially the upgrade from where they used to live. they’re all gathered for dinner, a celebratory meal after their debut, but as the minutes tick by, minji notices something off: you’re not there.

the rest of the girls don’t seem fazed, but minji is. she’s the oldest, the most observant, and it feels strange that a whole member is missing. she waits a few more minutes, but you still haven’t shown up.

“have any of you seen y/n?” minji asks, her voice calm but curious. “i don’t want us to eat without her. we’re a team—it doesn’t feel right.”

hanni tilts her head, looking a bit confused. “she didn’t tell you?”

“tell me what?” minji’s brows furrow slightly.

haerin chimes in. “she went out.”

“what?” minji stands up from the table, the unease settling in her stomach. 

“i told her to stay,” haerin continues, “but she kept saying ‘it’s okay’ and that she’d be back in an hour or something. she seemed pretty eager to get out.”

danielle shrugs, adding casually, “yeah, she told all of us. she didn’t mention it to you?”

minji shakes her head, feeling a small twist in her chest. “no, she didn’t.” the thought of you being out alone, especially during a meal this important, doesn’t sit right with her. you’d left your wallet in haerin’s bag—minji remembers seeing it out of the corner of her eye, a little gray wallet you always carried. she hadn’t thought much of it, assuming you’d all eat together like usual.

“she said she’s not hungry,” hyein chimes in. “she said she snacked too much earlier. don’t worry, she’ll be back.”

minji hesitates, still standing while the others pick up their bowls and begin eating. she knows you too well—you’re the type to lie if it meant sparing someone from worrying about you. and if you were really hungry but said otherwise, it just made her feel worse.

she sits back down but can’t shake the unease gnawing at her. she’s never eaten this fast before, practically gulping down the side dishes and wrapping lettuce around the grilled meat without much thought. she finishes her meal quickly, but it feels empty, and the food doesn’t settle well in her stomach.

after a few bites, she stands again, slipping on a light sweater. “i don’t want y/n to miss out on this food. it’s really good,” she says, her voice light, but her eyes are serious. “i’m going to go look for her, i’ll be back soon.”

before anyone can respond, she’s out the door. she walks quickly, her steps filled with purpose. she knows where you’ll be, and it’s not long before she’s headed to the place she’s almost certain you’ve gone to.

it’s a five-minute walk to the nearest bus stop, a three-minute wait, and a ten-minute bus ride to the area she’s thinking of. the city blurs by as she stares out the window, her thoughts racing. another few minutes pass as she speedwalks from the bus stop, her legs carrying her to the familiar bench by the river, the one with the view of the bridge that glows softly in the evening light.

she remembers the first time she met you here, how you both talked for hours, the breeze gently blowing through the trees. it’s quiet now, the water rippling softly under the dimming sky, and there you are, sitting alone on the bench, looking out at the water.

(“hi, is anyone sitting here?” minji asks, her voice lighter than it is now. 

she’s fifteen, fresh from a rare break in her training. she holds a small bag of honey chips in one hand and convenience store gimbap in the other—nowhere near as good as her mom’s, but enough to fill her up. her usual bench is taken, though, and she spots you sitting there. no big deal, she thinks, she’ll just sit on the other side.

you glance up, still chewing, and your eyes widen at the sight of her. “o-oh, no! here, sitting, um, no one. you can—uh—” you fumble for the words, trying to string them together. “alone, i am. with me, no one.”

minji smiles at you, easily picking up on your accent, the way you stumble through the grammar. a foreigner, she thinks. she gives you a thumbs up and takes a seat next to you, setting her bag of chips between the two of you.

you blink at her, caught off guard by how effortlessly she seems to glow. before you can say anything, she catches you staring, and offers you a chip. “want one?” she asks, holding the bag out.

“it’s okay, food, i have.” you respond, shaking your head, but she giggles softly.

“i have food,” minji gently corrects you, repeating the sentence with a small smile.

you mumble an embarrassed, “oh,” before adding shyly, “yeah, i have food.”

“your korean is really good,” minji compliments you, her tone warm. “it’s just your grammar and formality. but it’s not a big deal if we’re the same age. how old are you?”

you pause, taking a second to process her words, then respond, “fifteen. i’m fifteen.”

minji’s face lights up, her eyes crinkling with her bright smile, and you find yourself mirroring her expression. “me too!”

“really?” you say in english, then quickly switch back, clearing your throat. “really?”

minji nods, understanding your little slip, and switches to english herself. “you speak english?”

your eyes widen slightly in relief. “you speak english too?”

“i learned some here in korea,” she explains, her voice soothing and calm. “i also studied in canada for a while.”

“no way! i’m from canada.” 

“really?” minji’s eyes sparkle with interest.

“yeah,” you grin, glancing out at the bridge in front of you, the soft glow of the evening lights reflecting off the water. “i’d kill for some timbits right now… i wish korea had them.”

“i get that, they were my favorites when i studied there. cheap and good.” minji chuckles softly before asking, “why are you in korea? are you studying abroad?”

your smile falters for a second, and you hesitate before answering. “well, i want to be an idol. it’s… kind of stupid. i came here alone after making it through the audition and getting scouted, but i barely know the language. i just really want to be an idol—it’s my dream.”

“it’s not stupid at all.” minji leans in a little closer, her eyes locking on yours, the sincerity in her gaze catching you off guard. “i want to be one too. i’m a trainee.”

“really?” your surprise is evident in your voice. “that makes two of us.”

“i guess it does,” minji agrees, holding the bag of chips out to you again. “i’m minji, kim minji.”

“that’s a nice name,” you say, accepting the chip this time, plopping it into your mouth. “i’m y/n, l/n y/n.”

minji grins, her eyes soft as she says, “even nicer name.” the compliment catches you off guard, and you can’t help but giggle at her words.)

you notice someone sit down next to you, catching minji’s presence in your peripheral. her voice, now deeper and more grounded than that first time you met her, cuts through the silence.

“i hope this seat isn’t taken.”

your muscles relax as you scoot over to make room for her. “it’s not.” you keep your eyes on her as she settles in beside you, looking out at the familiar view. the glasses perched on her nose somehow make her even more striking, drawing out the natural allure she’s always had. you can’t help but let your gaze linger on her profile, tracing the soft lines of her face. 

before you lose yourself entirely, she breaks the silence. “you weren’t at dinner.”

“i wasn’t hungry.” you lie easily, turning back to the bridge.

minji gives you a side glance, clearly unconvinced. “right.”

“i just needed some space.” the truth slips out this time, your voice quieter. you can feel her gaze shift, now fixed on you. “how did you know i’d be here?” you ask, still staring ahead, avoiding her eyes.

“some things don’t change, y/n.” she says simply, leaning back into the bench. “i had a hunch.”

you stay quiet, the wind brushing past you both. the bench holds too much history for either of you to ignore. the same spot, years later.

(“you’re here again.” it had only been a week since your first meeting. minji had found you on the bench at nine at night, munching on fruit snacks. “thinking of timbits?”

you laughed, patting the seat next to you. “maybe.”

minji smiled as she sat down, and you handed her a piece of dried fruit without a second thought. “was it a coincidence that we ran into each other again?” she asked, sounding curious.

“maybe i’m just lucky,” you said playfully, “lucky to have run into you again.”

“lucky to run into me?” she raised an eyebrow.

“you’re the only person i can talk to like this,” you admitted. “i was hoping i’d see you again, kim minji.”

“i was kind of hoping the same, l/n y/n.”

“is that so?” you grinned, scooting closer. 

“maybe.”

the two of you spent the next hour talking, shoulders nearly touching, laughter filling the space between you. the fruit snacks were long gone, but you stayed, sharing stories about trainee life and the little struggles of the week. it felt easy, natural, like you’d known each other for years.

when your phone buzzed with a notification, your face fell, and minji’s mirrored yours.

“you have to go?” her voice held a tinge of disappointment.

“yeah,” you sighed, “but let’s meet again, okay? can i get your kakao?”

“of course!” minji had jumped at the chance, quickly giving you her contact. “can we meet again next week? i’m happy i’ve made a friend like you.”

“me too,” you had said softly, “you’re like a savior. my korean is so bad…”

“i’ll help you with that,” she’d laughed, “but our time is limited.”

you hugged her then, surprising her with the closeness. she caught the faint scent of lavender on you and hesitated for only a moment before hugging you back tightly. you mumbled a quiet “thanks,” your lips brushing against her hair near her ear, making her shiver slightly.

“for what?” she had asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

“doesn’t matter.”)

you feel minji looking at you now, and in the corner of your eye, you see her scoot a little closer, her shoulder brushing against yours. it’s subtle, but the warmth from years ago flickers to life again in your chest.

“your korean is really good now,” she says after a pause, her voice soft. “especially since the first time we met.”

“i’d hope so, after three years.” you smile to yourself, trying to lighten the moment.

minji doesn’t laugh, though. instead, she turns to face you, her expression unreadable. “i was worried, you know?” she says quietly. “why did you tell everyone but me that you were leaving?”

you turn to meet her gaze, lips parting as you exhale softly. her eyes are as warm and familiar as ever. “i knew you’d make me go back inside.”

“i wouldn’t.”

“yes, you would.”

“i’d just go outside with you, y/n.”

her words settle between you, and you feel the weight of them in your chest. she’s always been too kind, too caring, even more now than when you first met. she’s still minji, but somehow better, different in ways that make you feel like you’re stuck in place, the same selfish version of yourself.

“oh.”

there’s no warning when your eyes start to sting, a subtle burn building until you feel the tears pooling. you turn away quickly, hoping to hide it before it gets worse.

“do you hate me?” your voice comes out barely above a whisper, but shaky enough to betray you. “i wouldn’t blame you.”

minji’s brows furrow. “do i what?”

“hate me.” 

she pauses, studying you closely. her eyes trace the way your hands fidget restlessly in your lap—something she’s seen you do countless times before. you’ve always done it when you were anxious, whether it was before a monthly evaluation, or when you had something on your mind that you wouldn’t share with her. she notices how your teeth press into your lower lip, your foot bouncing slightly, a nervous habit she’s memorized over the years.

“y/n,” she says softly, scooting even closer until her side presses into yours. her arm wraps around your shoulders, gently pulling you into her. she holds you like she always has, her thumb brushing lightly over your arm in slow, comforting strokes. “i could never hate you.”

“i dumped you without a word,” you mutter bitterly, the words heavy on your tongue. “and then i got moved to your company, and you had to act like you were fine with me being there.”

minji stays quiet, letting you continue.

“you don’t have to pretend. i know i made it hard for you.”

“i’m not pretending,” she says, turning to look at you again. “you debuted, y/n, and that’s all i ever wanted for you. it’s your dream. you gave up so much to make it happen.” her voice softens even more, her gaze steady on you. “all i have is admiration for you. even if we’re… not together anymore, all i’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy.”

her words only make the tears spill faster, flowing freely down your cheeks as you tremble beside her. the warmth of her touch is familiar, and it brings back memories of when you were sixteen, when she’d comfort you in moments just like this, when everything felt overwhelming.

“minji, i’m sorry,” you manage to choke out, your voice cracking with the weight of it all.

“it’s okay,” she whispers, her hand still rubbing soothing circles into your shoulder.

you hate how vulnerable you feel, especially in front of her. you’ve held it together for so long, keeping your emotions locked down since the breakup, since the whirlwind of your debut. but now, sitting here next to her, it feels impossible to keep pretending. the tears keep coming, and you sniffle quietly, wiping at your cheeks with the back of your hand.

even though her arm is still around you, and part of you craves that comfort, you can’t help but feel like you don’t deserve it. the guilt presses down on you, and you gently take her hand, holding it for a brief moment to savor the warmth before carefully removing her arm from around your shoulders. you don’t meet her gaze as you do it, but minji seems to understand, not saying a word.

“you haven’t eaten yet, have you?” she asks after a beat, her voice still soft but with a hint of concern.

“i’m not that hungry,” you reply, forcing yourself to focus on anything but the heaviness in your chest.

“not even for gummy snacks?” she teases, tilting her head slightly as she watches you.

her playful tone pulls a small smile from your lips. “maybe for those…”

—

the next few months go quite normally, though it took you a bit to fully open up to minji.

you're timid and reserved, but there’s a new warmth in the way you interact with minji. the tension that kept you two apart starts to fade during the activities that come with your debut. livestreams, music video shoots, and photoshoots become regular parts of your routine, each one pulling you and minji closer.

during livestreams, you and minji share laughter, trading playful jabs as you engage with the fans. the cameras capture genuine smiles that hint at the friendship creeping up to the surface. music video filming offers another chance for you two to joke around, using humor to ease the nerves that come with performing in front of the crew. 

you find comfort in those moments, the way your shoulders brush together as you wait. a cozy blanket drapes over the two of you, forcing you into close proximity. in those quiet moments, laughter spills from your lips, light and infectious, often unnoticed by the cameras. the bond between you deepens as you exchange jokes, the sound of your shared amusement weaving a thread of connection that feels both familiar and new.

photoshoots also lead to accidental closeness. whether it’s posing back-to-back or sharing a prop—or something much more heart-racing like minji putting her arm around you or your head ending up on her shoulder—you two frequently end up right next to each other, considering the fact that you two are the oldest of the bunch, and a popular duo. the laughter comes easily, her smile draws you in without fail, and soon you’re both cracking a bunch more jokes to distract from the awkwardness of the camera lenses. there was a stiffness in the curtain that separated you both, and as soon as it begins to fall the lingering chemistry starts to peek through again.

as time passes, the bond you share with minji deepens as well as with the other members. the lingering feelings you both carry remain tucked away, hidden in the trenches of your hearts and overshadowed by the growing friendship. you find some type of comfort in this new ‘normal.’ to be completely true to yourself, you’re just grateful for the connection that remind you both of the comfort you once shared. 

(for the most part, it stings sometimes, mostly late at night.)

dinner and practice felt natural again too, as easy as brushing your teeth or opening the blinds in the morning. being around minji no longer held that awkward tension; instead, it was a comfort, familiar and warm. the only thing that lingered was your admiration for her, something small that colored your interactions. 

(there were more nights that stung.)

at practice you’d see her greeting everyone with your favorite smile of hers, eyes crinkly and gums showing. she’d smile at you sweetly, maybe even sweeter than how she smiles at the others (but you could be delusional) then head on over to one corner to stretch. 

even the others would notice this, catching you while you’re stretching, hand on one foot reaching for it as you stare at minji through the mirror.

minji is sweaty, lifting her shirt a bit to wipe remnants of the rigorous choreo and giving you a peek of her abdomen. when she brings her shirt back down, your eyes go back to her face. she’s stunning, even after all that exercise and tiring movement. her hair sticks to her a bit, and she just looks so—

hanni pushes you over subtly, making you fall over and let out a weird noise that only she catches. you give her a glare and get up.

“you’re so annoying.”

“someone’s daydreaming a lot these days.” hanni’s right, you’ve been doing that far too often.

“just got a lot on my mind.”

“you’re always staring at minji.” hanni snickers, looking over at the oldest member. “bunnies have even caught you in the youtube videos.”

“they have?”

hanni laughs, helping you up on your feet. “people are calling you guys ‘parentz’ online.”

“w-what?”

“it’s kind of cute,” she grins, “it’s actually hilarious. dani and i were laughing at some clips last night.”

you scoff in response, nudging her with your shoulder and snickering after. minji catches the interaction from afar, eyes narrowing just barely when hanni pushes you again with a little more force, and eyes narrowing just a bit more when you push her back again and laugh.

—

minji hasn’t felt like herself lately, it’s been more than a week. there’s something about you that keeps her attention, especially now that you look stunning for the comeback. in the photoshoots and music video recordings for “super shy” and “new jeans,” you radiated beauty, and minji often tried to look away, but your adorable hairstyle was impossible to resist. she found herself playing with your hair whenever hyein, danielle, or haerin joined in, but only when they distracted you. she wouldn’t dare being the first to do so.

as you began shooting for the full album—not even music video shooting or for the photobooks, just in the booth recording the actual songs—minji was pulled in like sand drawn back into the ocean. she caught sight of you just before her turn to record, attempting to sneak up and surprise you, but you surprised her instead. walking out of the studio, you wore no makeup, your hair was clipped up messily, and a snug t-shirt and sweatpants hugged your form perfectly. 

(her eyes stayed on the curve of your torso for a little longer than she’d like to admit.)

minji froze for a moment, taking in how unraveled you looked; she was mesmerized.

“i didn’t think you’d be here early,” you said, your smile breaking her trance. 

minji felt her stomach twist.

“wanted to surprise you,” she replied, earning a bigger smile in return. “you sound good.” she added, biting back the urge to tell you how good you looked.

“did i? ugh, i don’t know; i think i can do better. i’ll work on adjustments tomorrow.” you sighed, a familiar hint of perfectionism creeping into your voice. minji had always found it strange how you saw flaws in everything you did, despite your talents. you’ve always been like that even when you were fifteen, sixteen, and during the time you two were trainees together. “i bet you’ll do lovely, though.” you add, shaking the topic of you off.

“you think too highly of me,” minji chuckled, shaking her head. “my range is kind of iffy.”

“your voice suits anything, minji. i like how deep it is. it’s nice to the ears, really soothing.” you shrugged, glancing at the cap she wore—a dark gray with pink lettering. a small smirk tugged at your lips, almost imperceptible, but minji noticed. you pinched the brim, lifting it slightly to reveal more of her face before turning it backward and letting it sit like that on her head, a few strands of hair poking out from under to cover her eyes.

“is this new?” you ask, your surprise evident. you move the hair away from her eyes and minji swears she feels her legs wobble.

“um,” minji stammered, caught off guard and blushing slightly. “yeah.”

“it’s cute,” you mumble softly. “fits you well. i’ll see you later? what do you want for dinner? i’m cooking for us tonight.”

“uh, i, um. anything the members want—ask hyein.”

“okay.” you smiled again, walking past her but pausing to give her shoulder a gentle pat. 

minji felt a rush of warmth from the brief contact, and as she stepped into the recording booth, she struggled to shake off the memory of your interaction. her mind lingered on your words and the way you looked at her, causing her to falter. the producer raised an eyebrow at her distraction, but once she shook it off, she found her rhythm, pouring her heart into the song.

—

if seeing you just after recording made her lose her balance, then just seeing you in every concept for the new album had completely swept her off her feet. 

for “cool with you,” the stylists had dressed the members similarly, all with flowy white outfits. however, each members look was different. everyone looked amazing, but the stylist seemed to pay a lot of attention to you—at least in minji’s eyes— because they did you great.

your makeup wasn’t all that strong, just simple eyeshadow, light blush, and faint lip product. still, you looked ethereal. it seemed like you had jumped out of a fairytale movie, even the cameras for the “behind-the-scenes” recording had caught her staring.

minji laughs awkwardly after catching the camera in her peripheral, smiling to hide how flustered she is.

“y/n looks very pretty, doesn’t she?” minji says, “everyone does. i think the concept suits everyone well.”

the camera is still on her, she starts talking about how she feels about the shoot and the album. then minji feels someone creep up from behind, putting both hands on her shoulders and making her jump up. she turns her head slightly to meet some of your features, your gaze on the camera in front of you gives minji a good look at the side of your face.

“hi everyone!” you wave to the camera, then turn to your left, meeting minji. “hi minji.” you say softly, almost adoringly—minji might be a little insane for thinking there’s even a hint of adoration in your tone.

“hi y/n.” 

“i like how they styled you,” you admit, “doesn’t she look wonderful?” you run your fingers through the hair falling down her shoulders. “your hair is so soft… ah, i love the accessories in your hair.”

minji tries her best to keep her cool, especially with the camera focused on both of you. you’re reaching out, playing with her clothes or gently tugging on strands of her hair. your fingers trace the edges of her accessories, and then, almost absentmindedly, you start to toy with her hands, admiring her nails like they’re the most fascinating thing in the world and boasting about it to your fans. at one point, your gaze locks with hers, and minji feels herself freeze for a second. your eyes are intense, filled with a warmth she can’t quite describe, something familiar and it makes her heart race. embarrassed, she laughs it off, looking away as though your compliments are nothing.

minji tries to return the favor, hoping to give you even a fraction of the feeling you’ve stirred in her. her knuckles brush lightly against your jaw, sending a soft tingle up your spine as she points out your earrings to the camera. her touch is brief, but intimate enough to make you hold your breath. then, without warning, you feel her fingers gently poking into your scalp, carefully lifting a section of your hair to admire its style. you don’t expect the sudden closeness, and your lips part slightly as heat rises to your cheeks. 

she catches the change in your expression and feels a little proud, her own heart fluttering at the sight of your blush.

“i was just telling ‘bunnies’ about your look for today. i think it’s really beautiful.”

“do you?”

“mhm,” she nods, “i bet you’ll look wonderful during the choreography too. i’m excited to see the monitoring.”

“haha,” you chuckle awkwardly, “thanks.”

the staff stops recording and shoots a thumbs up to you two, which lifts a weight of your shoulders.

you two don’t share a word for a moment. you can’t really look at her for some reason, and neither can she, but thankfully hyein joins in and starts admiring the both of you.

—

day two of shooting is simply hours of posing for the photobooth. you’re set up for group shots, then some solos.

as you’re doing your solo’s, danielle pops up from behind the camera and starts throwing compliments at you. 

“pretty girl~” she teases, “ooh la la~”

your stone-faced expression is replaced with amusement after the shoot ends. you let out the laughs you’ve been holding, getting up to teasingly hold onto danielle and then push her back. 

“you’re so annoying,” you joke, walking away from her. “you’re so lucky i was close to finishing the shoot, i wouldn’t have been able to go on after.”

“sorry y/n-ie.” she apologizes, “i couldn’t help it.”

you roll your eyes, catching the camera that’s recording the interaction and giving it a dumbfounded look. you pout playfully before danielle jumps to your side and smiles as she hangs onto your arm, both of you giggling like idiots.

minji, who’s watching from afar, accidentally frowns. hanni notices this, considering minji is supposed to be taking a picture of her so she can update on ‘phoning.’

“what’s with the sad face?”

“what?” minji focuses on hanni again instead of the scene going on behind the younger member, readjusting her hand. “it’s just my resting face.”

“you’re not even taking the pictures properly.”

“i– i was thinking of something.” minji shrugs, “look here, let me snap a picture.”

but hanni doesn’t look back at the camera, instead turning around to catch you and danielle giggling about something. then she looks back at minji, who’s also looking in the same direction again, frown present.

“did something happen with either of them?”

“no, it’s nothing.” minji sighs, “you turned your head while i was taking the picture, let’s redo–”

“you weren’t paying attention when you took it.”

“hanni–”

“what’s going on?” hanni asks, brows creasing slightly. “is it y/n?”

“it’s nothing.” minji says firmly, putting the phone down now and giving up. “i think i’m going to go use the restroom.”

“nuh uh, no you’re not.” hanni grabs her wrist, squaring up with minji. “c’mon, what’s up?”

minji pauses, words failing her as she tries to piece together how to explain what’s been gnawing at her for weeks. how does she tell hanni that she’s jealous, jealous of the easy way you and danielle flirt without thinking twice about it? how does she admit that you’ve never really left her mind, that she still wakes up some days with her heart aching for you, despite all her efforts to push the feelings down? minji wonders how she could possibly confess that she hasn’t fallen out of love with you—not even close. in fact, she’s only fallen deeper, drawn to this new version of you that she wasn’t around to witness grow.

it hurts, more than she lets on, that she’s missed out on so much of your life. the pain of being cut off so suddenly still lingers, but at the same time, she’s proud of the sacrifices you made to debut. and it stings even more that you debuted alongside her, the constant proximity stirring up emotions she thought she had buried. she’s spent so many nights alone, thinking about you, about the two of you, wondering what went wrong and what could have been different. 

hanni watches her, waiting for an answer, and minji shrugs, trying to mask the storm of emotions with something easier to swallow.  

“i just feel like y/n and i have this… rift, i guess. as friends, i mean.”

“i don’t see anything wrong between you two,” hanni replies, clearly unconvinced.

“i don’t know… she’s just so relaxed with everyone else, like with danielle. they act like they’ve known each other forever, but with me, it’s different. it feels like something’s changed.”

“are you jealous?”

“no! no,” minji says quickly, shaking her head, though her voice betrays a hint of uncertainty. “it’s not that. i just don’t want anything rocky between us. everything’s fine with the others, but with her… it’s complicated.”

hanni gives her a knowing look. “if it helps, i think she looks up to you a lot. you’re both the oldest, and i feel like there’s a different kind of pressure on you two. maybe she’s just intimidated by how amazing you are. she talks about you all the time when we hang out, and i’ve seen her look at you from across the room more than once. i think you two need to talk or something.”

“she looks at me?”

hanni rolls her eyes. “is that seriously the only thing you took from that? you’re impossible.”

minji blushes, a quiet laugh escaping her, but hanni’s words stick with her. “no, but seriously,” hanni continues, “we’ve had some deep talks, a lot actually. she’s mentioned being scared that she’s not as good as you. she thinks you’re way out of her league, like you set this standard that’s hard to meet.”

minji’s quiet, the weight of hanni’s words sinking in. she glances over and catches your eye from across the room, both of you pausing for a split second before you smile. it’s a small, soft smile, the kind that leaves minji’s heart racing. she quickly looks away, flustered.

“i guess i’ll talk to her,” minji says, her voice softer now.

“you should. i mean, i’m not her, but that’s just my two cents—or won or whatever. you get what i mean.”

minji bites the inside of her lip, nodding slightly as she mulls over the thought of actually talking to you. it’s long overdue. too many things were left unsaid when you ended things, even the apology you gave her before debut didn’t cover it all. but the idea of confronting it all, of putting herself in that vulnerable position again, is terrifying.

maybe after the shoots, after the performances, after the album drops, she tells herself. more time to stall, more time to watch you from a distance, more time to get lost in her own confusion. 

—

promotions aren’t done yet, but you’re close. you’ve just gotten back to korea after performing at lollapalooza, a memory that’ll surely be engraved in your mind.

as fun as it was, you’re exhausted, exhausted from everything and how often you were being put near minji. 

as soon as you get back to the dorms, exhaustion pulls you straight to your bed. you barely make it onto the mattress before you collapse, landing flat on your back. your eyes are heavy from the long day of shooting for the ‘newjeans’ youtube channel, and within seconds, you drift off into sleep, your body giving in completely.

but when you wake up, you’re not in your bed anymore.

the air feels different, the scenery unfamiliar yet somehow recognizable. you blink, disoriented, as you take in the street around you. it feels like a memory—one deeply embedded in your mind. you look down and see your pinky linked with someone else’s, the warmth of their hand anchoring you. confused, you follow the connection, eyes tracing up their arm to their face. at first, the features are blurry, making you squint. and then it hits you, as clear as day.

it’s minji, but not the minji you know now. it’s sixteen-year-old minji.

your heart stutters in your chest. she looks exactly as she did back then, her bright smile lighting up her face. her eyes are wide and full of life, just like you remember from the night market where everything between you had changed. the place where you’d confessed to each other, turning a casual hangout into an unplanned first date.

“what’s wrong? you look a little pale,” minji says, tilting her head in concern, but there’s a playful lilt to her voice.

“minji?” you manage to say, your voice wavering. “what’s going on? you—this—”

“y/n, why are you acting weird?” she laughs softly, her hand sliding into yours, fingers intertwining easily. her thumb brushes lightly against your skin, a touch so familiar it makes your heart ache. “did you skip a meal again? i told you to eat before we came out here.”

her words are like a time capsule, pulling you back to when she’d always remind you to eat. even when she was drowning in her own trainee schedule, she’d send texts making sure you were taking care of yourself. back then, you were just friends. or maybe more, even if you didn’t want to admit it.

“i—i have to go,” you stammer, your chest tightening as panic floods your system.

“again?” her smile fades into a frown, brows knitting in confusion as you pull your hand away from hers. “you’re leaving again? without explaining?”

“what?” your voice cracks.

“you’re always leaving me,” she says, her tone dropping. “are you ever going to stop?”

“minji,” you whisper, shutting your eyes against the guilt that washes over you. the regret is palpable, twisting in your stomach. “i didn’t want to, but i had to.”

when you open your eyes again, you’re somewhere else. the market is gone, and you’re left disoriented once more, thrown into another unfamiliar scene.

you’re on a couch now, rubbing your eyes as you sit up. the air smells sweet, like pancakes. your favorite—sundays at home, topped with fresh maple syrup. the scent guides you into the kitchen, where a girl is standing at the stove, her back turned to you. long, dark hair, pajama pants, a loose t-shirt.

she turns, and your heart nearly stops again. it’s minji.

but this time, she’s not sixteen. she’s the age she should be. the present minji. your minji.

“you alright, love?” she asks, concern in her voice as she turns the stove down and sets the spatula aside. she walks over, fingers gently fixing your messy bedhead. “bad nap?”

her touch is soft, her presence warm. she cups your cheek with one hand, her thumb brushing against your skin. “you looked a little shaken up.”

“i’m… no, i’m okay,” you lie, leaning into her touch for just a second. your eyes drift past her, trying to ground yourself. “are you making pancakes?”

“yeah,” she says shyly, her lips curling into a soft smile. “you mentioned missing home, so i thought i’d surprise you.” she presses a light kiss to the tip of your nose. “there’s a batch ready for you.”

“thank you,” you murmur, the words barely leaving your lips as a lump forms in your throat.

“anything for you, baby.” she takes your hand, leading you toward the stove where a plate sits—two pancakes perfectly stacked with raspberries and syrup. it’s thoughtful. so minji. 

you love this, you love her. you never stopped loving her, you couldn’t ever do that. but instead of feeling warmth, you feel a pit growing in your stomach. something’s not right.

“this isn’t right,” you say, voice trembling as you put the plate down.

minji blinks, tilting her head in confusion. “what’s wrong? is it the pancakes?”

“not the pancakes,” you say, stepping back, your hands shaking. “this. none of this.”

she moves closer, concern deepening in her eyes, but you instinctively back away.

“y/n, what are you talking about?”

“this isn’t real,” you choke out, your voice breaking. “i don’t deserve this. minji, i broke up with you. this never happened.”

a tear slides down your cheek, your lip quivering uncontrollably as the weight of your words sinks in. “i’m sorry, minji. i’m so, so sorry. i keep doing this to you. i’m so sorry… i love you so much.”

minji’s expression mirrors the heartbreak from that day—the day you stood at her door, delivering the news that shattered everything between you. the pain you inflicted on her then, it’s all here now, reflected in her eyes.

before she can say anything, you turn, running toward the door, heart pounding in your chest.

…

you shoot up in bed, gasping for air. it takes a few moments before you realize where you are. blinking rapidly, you rub your eyes, trying to ground yourself in reality. you grab your phone, checking the notifications—something from your mom, and a random emoji from haerin in the group chat.

this is real. you're awake. it was just a dream.

it's one in the morning, and you're sitting on the edge of your bed, face buried in your hands. your eyes are shut tightly, trying to suppress the emotions that are threatening to surface. after a deep breath, you force yourself to stand, legs feeling unsteady but somehow keeping your balance. you make your way to the bathroom, turning on the light, squinting as the brightness stings your eyes. you splash cold water onto your face, hoping to snap yourself out of the lingering shock. you stare into the mirror and the reflection looking back is someone you barely recognize—someone you can’t stand. your breath shakes, your brows furrow, and you hastily wipe the water from your face before switching off the light and heading toward the living room.

you stop in the kitchen first. grabbing a glass from the cabinet, your fingers hesitate when you realize it's the one minji gifted you for your first birthday together in the group. the memory flashes in your mind—you remember the shock on your face being caught on live stream, eyes wide when she handed you a clear glass with your favorite cartoon character on it. you can almost hear the laughter from that moment, but now it just feels heavy in your hands. 

you fill the glass with water and take a sip, catching your distorted reflection in the stainless steel of the fridge. your hair’s a mess, faint lines under your eyes telling you that sleep hasn’t been kind. you lean your forehead against the cool surface of the fridge, closing your eyes and sighing deeply as exhaustion sets in even deeper.

"are you okay?" a voice comes from behind, making you jump and spill a bit of water onto the floor.

it’s minji—of course it’s minji.

"woah, hey, let me help you clean that—" she steps forward, concerned.

"i’m fine," you lie, shaking your head, waving her away as you kneel down to clean the small spill. "it’s just a few drops, don’t worry." you place the glass on the counter and grab the nearest paper towel, crouching down to wipe the floor quickly, feeling her eyes on you the entire time.

minji watches you closely, her expression soft yet concerned, taking in your restless, frantic movements.

"are you sure you’re alright?" she asks again, voice low, gentle.

"yeah," you breathe out quietly, still not meeting her gaze.

"why are you up this late?" she presses, stepping a little closer, her presence warm but heavy with concern.

you straighten up, tossing the paper towel in the trash. "i just had a… a strange dream."

"nightmare?" she asks softly, tilting her head.

"something like that." you try to brush it off, but you’re too tired to put much effort into sounding convincing. minji watches as you trudge over to the couch, your body language saying more than your words. you sit heavily, sipping your water before setting the glass down on the coffee table. leaning back against the cushions, you close your eyes, trying to sink into the silence, but it doesn’t bring comfort.

minji follows, sitting a few feet away, watching you, clearly wanting to understand. she can tell something’s off. "y/n," she says softly, her voice coaxing your eyes open, "is everything okay?"

you don’t respond right away, instead turning your head slightly to look at her. there’s something vulnerable in your eyes, a longing, a quiet ache. but you sigh, closing your eyes again, trying to swallow it all down.

"i’m sorry," you whisper after a beat.

"for what?" minji asks gently, scooting closer to you, her hand hovering over yours as if she’s not sure whether to reach for you or not.

"everything," you mutter, voice thick with regret. "minji, i’m sorry for everything."

she shifts even closer now, her hand softly covering yours, her thumb brushing lightly against your skin. "is this about…" she trails off, already knowing what you’re referring to.

"yeah," you say quietly, eyes still closed, voice tight. "i’m sorry. i’m so sorry." your voice breaks, and you finally open your eyes, but you can’t look at her. "you didn’t deserve what i did. i’m sorry i debuted with you, i’m sorry for all of it. god, minji, i’m so sorry."

"y/n," she breathes out softly, her hand gripping yours a little tighter now. "we were young. we didn’t know—"

"i didn’t want to break up with you," you blurt out, cutting her off. "my company… they saw my lockscreen. i’m so stupid. they made me break your heart." the words spill out, your voice raw and trembling. "you were never a burden. i never stopped loving you. seeing you now, after all this time, you’ve grown into this incredible person, and i… i can’t stop loving you. it’s killing me. i don’t deserve to love you after what i did. i tried to push it down, but i can’t. i hate myself for it." your breath catches in your throat, tears welling up as you force yourself to keep talking. "you’re so perfect. you’re everything i could never be."

"y/n, stop," minji pleads, her voice thick with emotion, but you pull your hand away, retreating from her touch.

"no, you don’t get it," you say, shaking your head. "you’re perfect, minji. i’m being compared to you every day, and i’m nothing like you. you’re the role model, you’re everything the group needs. and i’m just… i’m an asshole. i tried so hard to keep things casual, to pretend i was fine, but i’m not. i’m not fine. i’m still so in love with you that it hurts." you pause, voice faltering, barely holding it together. "i’m sorry. i’m so, so sorry."

minji’s eyes fill with tears as she listens, her heart clearly breaking for you, for everything you’ve carried alone. she tries to pull you in again, to comfort you, but you push her away one last time, unable to accept the closeness.

and she doesn’t push further. she just watches, her heart breaking alongside yours.

a tear slips from her eyes, she’s looking at your trembling body and unstoppable flow of tears. minji shakes her head, opting for holding your hands instead, her fingers brushing against your knuckles.

“y/n, do you remember what i told you before?”

“what?”

“y/n i hated you for a good amount of time. but time made me realize that we were both just trying to reach our dreams, and if that meant you sacrificing us, then… i support you. i did support you. that never stopped me from loving you either.”

you stay silent and look at her through tear lined eyes.

“i tried to push down a lot, and it hurts to see that you’re hurting from doing the same thing as me. as your member, as your friend, and… as someone who loves you beyond measure: i don’t want you to hurt anymore. it’s okay, y/n, it’s okay.”

you let her pull you in this time, her tears stain your hair and her arms wrap around you so warmly that all you can do is succumb to the tenderness. you sob into her shoulder, muttering at least three more “i’m sorry’s” into her.

“y/n, what i said before still goes. ‘i love you. i love you when i’m exhausted from practice, i love you when i’m stressed over exams, i love you when we only have a few minutes together… i love you every moment of every day.’ i never stopped loving you ever.” 

the memory echoes in your head, replaying the two times minji said it—both sincere, both heart-wrenching. you feel a little less terrible when her hands begin rubbing your back in slow, soothing circles. you can hear the slight crack in her voice, the way she tries to stay strong for you because that’s who she is—someone who always holds it together for everyone else. 

(“are you okay?” you’d asked her once, catching that brief shift in her expression, the kind she tried to hide. 

you took a better look at her that day, noticing the dark circles under her eyes, the slight lag in her movements, like she was carrying something heavy. it took her a few seconds to force a smile, nodding as if everything was fine.

“yeah, sorry,” she said casually, quickly turning her attention back to her food. “just thinking.”

“minji,” you said her name softly, reaching out to place your hand over hers. she looked up at you, a little surprised, her cheeks flushing slightly. “tell me what’s going on.”

“it’s fine, i—” she started, but you cut her off with a raised brow, your expression making her shrink a little under your gaze. the warm glow of the restaurant’s evening lights illuminated her features, the soft orange hue catching the tiredness in her eyes. she pursed her lips, letting out a small sigh before admitting, “everything’s been really difficult lately. i’m losing energy. i feel like i’m not doing well. it’s just… i wish you could be there with me more. thinking about you is what gets me through practice. knowing i’ll see you, even just once or twice a week, pushes me to keep going.”

you didn’t say anything at first, just pushed your bowl of noodles across the table towards her before standing up and sitting beside her instead of across. she looked at you, confused, but you reached for her hand again, holding it in both of yours as you gazed at her with all the love and understanding you felt.

“you’re always doing great, minji. no one’s doing it like you,” you said, voice soft but certain.

“really?” her voice was small, like she wasn’t sure if she should believe you.

“of course,” you reassured her, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to the side of her head before pulling back. “i’ve been feeling the same way. just the thought of you keeps me going. let’s be each other’s push, okay?”

minji’s face softened, her lips curving into a small smile. she nodded before leaning in and pressing a tender kiss to your lips.

“okay,” she whispered.) 

as you sit here now, her hands still rubbing comforting circles on your back, the memory feels bittersweet. she’s always been there for you, even when you couldn’t be there for her.

minji holds you close, her arms tight around you like she’s afraid you’ll slip away if she lets go. you bury your face deeper into the crook of her neck, your own arms wrapped around her, clinging like she’s your anchor.

“you’ve always been my push,” minji says softly, her voice barely above a whisper. “that’s never changed.”

she pulls back gently, lifting your head and brushing away the strands of hair that have stuck to your tear-streaked face. her own eyes are glassy, but she smiles through the tears, looking at you in a way that makes her feel exposed, vulnerable—like she’s seeing you for the first time all over again.

“can we try again?” you ask, voice trembling with hope and hesitation.

she blinks, heart racing. the weight of your question settles in the air, heavy and fragile. 

“of course,” she whispers, her voice cracking. “that’s all i’ve wanted.”

time seems to freeze, the air still around you as your eyes lock. it feels like you’re both sixteen again, standing in that alleyway after a long night at the street market, except this time it’s different. now you’re on the couch, in the dorm you both share because you made it—you both made it. you two achieved your dreams. but there’s always been something missing: each other.

minji cups your cheek, just like she did back then, but her touch is softer now, more tender, more vulnerable. her thumb strokes your skin as she leans in slowly, her eyes fluttering shut before her lips meet yours. it’s gentle, delicate, like she’s afraid you’ll crumble under the weight of her affection. your hand instinctively moves to rest atop hers, feeling the warmth of her knuckles against your cold skin. the kiss is soft, laced with the remnants of tears, but somehow it tastes sweet. everything you’ve been holding onto—all the fear, all the doubt—seems to melt away in that moment.

you pull back first, though only just. your lips hover near hers, close enough to feel her breath.

“i love you, minji,” you say, voice low but firm. “i’m never going to make you doubt that again.”

her eyes soften, and she brings her hand to the nape of your neck, pulling you in again. “i love you too, y/n,” she whispers, before pressing her lips to yours once more, this time with a little more certainty, a little more sweetness. like you’ve both finally found what you’ve been missing.

—

hyein stumbles into the living room, rubbing her eyes, not fully awake yet. she groans, dragging her feet toward the kitchen, but stops mid-step when she spots two familiar heads peeking out from the couch. her sleepy eyes narrow as she tries to make sense of what she’s seeing. the sight takes a moment to register, and when it finally does, a sleepy smile creeps onto her face.

you and minji are tangled together on the couch in what looks like an awkward but oddly comfortable position. your head is resting on her shoulder, one arm lazily draped over her, your hand clasped loosely with hers. minji’s other arm is wrapped around you protectively, her head tilted at an angle that looks uncomfortable, but somehow it balances out with the way yours is twisted. the corner of the couch has you two nestled in tight, looking cozy in your pajamas, mouths parted slightly, both of your eyes a little puffy from sleep—a little too puffy to be from sleep. hyein stares, completely baffled at how you both ended up like this.

haerin is the next to wake up, and she spots hyein standing by the couch, phone in hand, snapping a picture. haerin yawns as she saunters over, her head tilting like a curious cat when she catches sight of you two. her brows furrow, and before she can even ask, your head slips, falling from minji’s shoulder and landing in her lap. your torso twists in an awkward, almost painful-looking angle, but minji instinctively shifts, scooting over to make room and pulling you closer, making sure you’re both comfortable without even waking up.

"what’s with them?" haerin asks, her voice low and groggy, her eyes narrowing at her oldest members.

"dunno," hyein shrugs, amused. "i’ve never seen them this close."

"me neither."

before they can figure out what’s going on, hanni and danielle stroll in, spotting the younger girls gathered by the couch. curiosity piqued, they walk over to see what’s going on, and as soon as they do, their eyes widen in surprise. a grin spreads across hanni’s face, and she wastes no time whipping out her phone to capture the moment. she quickly airdrops the photo to danielle, who giggles as she looks down at her phone, eyes twinkling with mischief.

"what’s up with the parents?" hanni teases, barely able to hold back a laugh.

"parents?" haerin repeats, raising an eyebrow.

"just look at them."

you and minji remain tangled together, still sound asleep despite the odd position, yet somehow, you both look peaceful, like it’s the most natural thing in the world. your head rests in minji’s lap now, her hand still protectively holding yours, the two of you fitting together as if you’ve always been like this.

hyein and haerin exchange glances, amused but confused, while hanni and danielle quietly snicker like children who’ve stumbled onto something they weren’t supposed to see.

—

the next few weeks with promotions still going on postpones the time you get to explain everything to your members. but eventually you and minji sit down with them in the living room, going over the whole timeline of events and earning a variety of reactions.

your members gather around, all seated in the living room, eyes trained on you and minji. there’s a tense sort of anticipation in the air, the kind that comes with heavy conversations. you and minji exchange a glance before diving into the timeline of everything— how it started, how it fell apart, and now, how you’ve found your way back to each other. each word feels like you’re lifting a piece of the weight that’s been suffocating you both for so long.

the reactions from your members are immediate. there are lots of “ohhhh”s and “ahhhhs” as they start piecing things together, understanding slowly dawning on their faces. you see nods of realization, and even though some of the details are painful, they listen intently, faces softened with sympathy. they admit they’d sensed something was off but had never wanted to pry, giving you both the space they thought you needed. now, knowing the full story, their expressions shift to one of collective empathy, eyes filled with a kind of pity and concern.

you and minji sit close, your hands intertwined, a subtle reassurance to each other that it’s okay to finally share this. as you speak, minji’s thumb rubs gentle circles against your skin, grounding you when the memories become too much. the frowns deepen as you recount the harder parts—the breakup, the misunderstandings, and the silent pain you both carried alone. but there’s also relief. it’s evident in the way your members nod along, like everything makes sense now. they’ve always had your backs, and now it feels like they’re rooting for you even harder.

"we never wanted to push," hanni finally says, her voice soft, almost apologetic. "we figured you two just needed time."

danielle nods along, her eyes a little glossy, while haerin sits quietly, processing it all. hyein, surprisingly, offers a small smile, "i’m glad you guys worked it out."

you and minji exchange another look, this time a lighter one. something close to peace settles over you both, like a burden’s been lifted now that the truth is out there. it feels good to be understood, to no longer have to hide the past or the pain from the people closest to you.

this isn’t like before—and that’s a good thing. there’s no going back to what was, because now you’re both different, stronger, and this version of “normal” is something you’d choose over and over again. you’ll grow alongside minji, hand in hand, side by side, and she’ll be growing with you too.

you wouldn’t trade anything in the world for this.

—-

"you called?"

“texted, but close enough,” you respond with a smirk. minji rolls her eyes playfully before plopping onto your bed, looking at you curiously. 

“did you need something?” she asks, her voice soft but carrying a hint of amusement.

“i just remembered something,” you say, moving toward the bed. “i wanted to show you it—give it to you before your shoot. you said you had to leave in twenty, right? well, i found this while i was organizing things."

“what is it?” she asks, her curiosity piqued. her eyes follow your movements as you crouch down, pulling a slightly worn shoe box from under the bed.

you smile as you open the lid, revealing a collection of small mementos—photos, letters, and trinkets that instantly stir up memories for both of you. minji leans closer, her eyes widening slightly when she recognizes some of the items.

“i never threw anything out,” you explain, voice tinged with a hint of nostalgia. “i couldn’t. i remember you gave me two copies of this because you couldn’t keep one at your place while we were both trainees. i’ve always kept it… never really looked at it after everything, though… after i…”

your voice trails off, the weight of that unfinished sentence hanging in the air. minji, understanding without needing an explanation, moves from the bed and sits beside you on the floor. her shoulder presses against yours, a silent comfort.

you reach into the box, pulling out a photo strip. it’s from one of your dates, back when things were simpler, when everything felt new. you flip it over, revealing four small photos in sequence. the first has your cheeks pressed together, wide smiles on both your faces. in the second, you’re both forming a heart with your hands. the third shows minji kissing your cheek, and the last one has you kissing hers. your smile deepens as you hand it to her.

minji stares at the strip, her fingers lightly tracing the edges of the photos. her expression softens, caught between disbelief and tenderness. you two were so young back then, but the love captured in the pictures is unmistakable—just like the love that still exists between you now. she glances at you, her gaze full of warmth.

“now you can keep it,” you say, voice gentle, “without worrying about anyone taking it from you.”

“y/n…” minji whispers, her voice so quiet, so filled with awe. she hugs you tightly, and before you know it, she's covering your face with kisses, one after the other, until finally, she presses her lips to yours in a long, tender kiss that feels like everything you've been holding back for so long.

“i seriously love you so much,” she breathes out when she pulls away, her forehead resting against yours.

“i love you more,” you reply, grinning.

“more than timbits?” she teases, raising a brow.

you giggle, poking her cheek. “don’t get ahead of yourself now.”

[eternalsunrise]

study date

lsu! joe burrow x fem! reader

wc: 1.7k

tags! established relationship, make out sesh, no actual smut, jus a couple of horny college kids in love with each other, vomit inducing fluff

notes! brainrot so bad i had to start writing fics. hope the joe burrow community finds this well 🧘‍♀️ expect more for joe coming! xoxo

letters on a keyboard clicking and a pencil scrawling across paper are the only sounds that reverberate around the room. you started off sitting up straight, but as time progressed you’re basically lying down, laptop perched on your lap.

the pillows are plush underneath you, and your boyfriend’s scent is enveloping you. there’s something about joe’s bed that always feels 10 times more comfortable than your own.

if you closed your eyes you could probably doze off for a mid afternoon nap.

you hear the sound of someone shifting above the covers, but you don’t turn your head to look, too preoccupied with your essay that’s due in the morning.

you feel a kiss press against your cheek, and you can’t stop the smile that spreads across your face. “hi joey. you doing okay?”

another kiss against your cheek, followed by an overdramatic sigh, “yeah, just really hard to focus on statistics with something so distracting in my bed.”

joe’s closer now, a hand playing with your hair as he peppers kisses down your jawline.

you roll your eyes at his antics, knowing exactly how this was going to go. “oh i’m the distracting one?” you question, your tone sarcastic.

he moves his hand to your cheek, tilting your head to the left to face him. his blue eyes bore into yours and you realize why you’d avoided looking at him. it’s much easier to stay on task without his handsome face in view.

joe leans down to place a slow peck on your lips, “a very.” peck. “very.” peck. “pretty distraction.”

he pulls away from you entirely, smirking when you try and chase his lips. this is exactly why you wanted to study alone. as much as you loved your boyfriend, how are you expected to get anything done with a gorgeous quarterback all over you? but the two of you have barely seen each other these past few weeks, and joe insisted on you both doing schoolwork together before his practice later that day.

“joe. baby. we’re supposed to be studying.” your voice is pleading, begging for any sort of mercy. he caresses your cheek bone with his thumb, a smirk sitting on the side of his mouth. “i am studying.” he uses a tone that tells you he wants you to ask what his punchline is. you bite.

“and what are you studying exactly, joseph?”

he trails his hand down your body until it rests on your waist, just above where your hands and laptop sit. he lets his eyes trail down and back up, bright blues staring at you while he licks his lips, “anatomy.”

you let out a laugh for his sake, grabbing his wrist and removing his hand from your body, “you’re impossible!” you place a quick kiss on his lips, standing up and taking your laptop.

joe groans loudly, falling back against the pillows on his bed, “where are you going?”

you carry your work to his wooden, student-issued desk, setting your laptop down and taking a seat. “you’re going to stay there. and i’m going to stay here. we both need to get work done and it’s hard to do that when you’re being…well you!” you try to sound frustrated, but you both know better.

joe being the cocky bastard he is, just gives you a knowing smile. the effect he has on you just strokes his ego (as if anyone else needed to). he decides to leave you be for the time being. he picks his pencil back up and holds his hands up in faux innocence, “yes ma’am. whatever you need.”

you turn back to your essay, typing your third page, smiling when the framed picture of you two displayed on his desk appears in your peripheral vision. if you looked around, your presence is covering this room. his whole apartment in fact. sure, you may be putty in his hands. but you have joe burrow pretty much wrapped around your finger.

after about 20 minutes of both of you working diligently in silence, you hear joe clear his throat.

“hey pretty?”

“mhm?” you reply, clicking back and forth between your class notes and your paper.

“didn’t you say you took this class last year?” joe asks, deep voice like velvet when it hits your ears.

you pause your task and turn around in your chair, “yeah i did for a semester, why?” he looks absolutely delicious. he’s sporting a cozy lsu hoodie and nike gym shorts that reach barely mid thigh, his trademark array of bracelets decorate his wrists. the way one of this legs is raised make his shorts ride up, giving you a peek at his black briefs. you suddenly wonder if the essay is even that important.

“wanna come check this for me? make sure i did it right?” he taps his pencil a couple of times and holds out his notebook toward you. there’s no flirtation intent behind joe’s question, he just values your insight. and for some reason, that just turns you on even more. he’s won. he’s getting what he wanted without even trying.

you stand up from your seat and make your way over to him, taking the notebook from his hand. he looks up at you in silence, waiting for you to check his work. but instead you toss the notebook to the side. it makes a slight thud when it hits the hardwood.

joe opens his mouth to question your actions but you’re on the bed with him in a matter of seconds. you swing your leg over his hip and straddle his lap, legs resting on either side of him. his hands are on you immediately, per instinct, large hands engulfing your thighs. it takes him a moment to process your actions but he sobers up quickly, cocky and confident, “aw, who knew stats could get you so worked up?”

you want to knock that stupid smirk off of his face. you also never want it to go away.

“shut up.” followed by a feverish kiss full of want and desire. the lack of each other for weeks has stretched the rubber band of tension to a hilt, and you finally let it snap. your fingers thread through his wavy hair at the nape of his neck, tugging just a bit. he’s due for a haircut soon. a noise rattles up from his throat, your reaction immediate. your hips grind down, begging for some friction. he gladly provides, guiding your waist back and forth.

the next moments are full of tongue kisses and heavy breathing. “next time we—“ gasp. “study together, we’re doing it in public–ow!” joe bites your lip, an apology vibrates against your lip, you know he doesn’t mean it. “like the library.” joe grips your hips and flips the two of you over with ease. you yelp in surprise, now looking up at him.

joe scoffs at your words, “like that’s ever stopped us before.” he reconnects your lips, a new sense of urgency found in this kiss. he props himself up with an elbow next to your head. your leg finds itself hooking around his waist, forcing him impossibly closer to you. he breaks away for air, hand dragging up and down your lifted thigh. he leaves goosebumps in his wake.

he looks down between your bodies and watches as your hips lift to meet his own, adam’s apple bobbing. his eyes flick back to yours, a familiar darkness clouding the ocean. his kisses follow a trail down your jaw, “god baby, you drive me crazy.” he purrs in your ear, lips attacking your neck. you aren’t sure how he can say that, when you’re the one that feels dizzy under his touch. your hand finds his hair again, letting out fits of giggles when his mouth grazes your most sensitive spots.

you tilt your head to the side, catching sight of the time on your phone screen as it lit up on the nightstand. you let out a gasp, partly because of joe shifting his hand between your thighs, but mostly because it was almost time for, “joe. practice.”

he returns his attention to your lips, “5 more minutes, all i need.” he murmurs, capturing you in a kiss that’s hard to turn away from. you feel his hand slip under the waist band of your pants, and as much as you dread this ending; you know what you need to do.

“joey. babe, hey.” you use your grip on his hair to pull him away. the love drunk look on his face makes this even harder. “listen. as much as i want to, we can’t. you love to be unreasonably early, and coach o will track me down himself if i’m the reason his star isn’t there for pre, pre warmups.”

joe chuckles and nods his head, reluctantly removing his hands from you entirely; it’s as if you’re magnets, if he isn’t across the room you’ll gravitate back together. he stands and starts to get ready for the one thing you’re forced to share the title of joe’s first love with, football.

you start to stand to get ready to go home, but joe quickly faces you and shakes his head, black backpack and cleats in his hands.

“no no no stay. here.” he throws his backpack over his shoulder and uses his free hand to dig in his pocket. he pulls out his purple lanyard, plucking his apartment key from the carabiner.

joe places it in your hand and folds your fingers over it.

“here, i’m gonna have you one made anyway. go back to your dorm, grab some stuff. you can order dinner, finish your homework here. i’ll be back in a couple hours and i’ll take you to that froyo shop down the street and then we can…finish what we started.” joe says with a wiggle of his eyebrows. he punctuates his words with a sweet kiss on your lips, another on your forehead, “bye pretty. love you.”

you stare at him in awe, “love you. have fun!”

he winks at you before he walks out of the front door.

you sit there on the edge of the bed, staring down at the shiny key in your palm. you’re shocked at how he can make such a big relationship step seem so nonchalant. he’d obviously been thinking about this for a while, you being around more. in his space.

you flop down on your back, kicking your feet with a giddy smile. if you weren’t alone you’d be embarrassed.

looks like you’ll be studying here a lot more often.

[olderthannetfic]

I’ve been sending that ask to anyone and everyone I can possibly find that posts about shipping issues (?). I don’t know who you are specifically. I’ve had this discussion in circles over and over and over again, and frankly I’m getting a little tired of the “just use a different website” crowd telling me to just use AO3 when I WANT to use a different website. Forgive me for assuming somebody eventually might know what that “different website” might be.

AO3 is objectively a good site, there’s clearly a reason nobody uses fucking anything else anymore. Nothing else has the frankly superior tagging system AO3 does, and nothing else has the sheer volume of writers, readers, and works on it. Do whatever the hell you want with AO3, I’m happy for you. Clearly it’s successful, congrats. AO3 can host whatever they want to. I do not care even a little bit about what goes on on AO3, because I don’t want to use AO3. I want to go somewhere else. I didn’t want to get into it in my original post on Reddit, because I KNEW this is what was going to happen. I have gotten exactly two useful suggestions (or even people TRYING to be helpful) out of hundreds of comments. One was Superlove, which is exactly what I’m looking for but has a waitlist until next June last time I checked, and the other was self-hosting, which everyone was VERY quick to let me know that that is both incredibly difficult and expensive, and I will more than likely not be able to keep up with it.

It kind of sounds like some of you just like the idea of people who disagree with you struggling, because the SECOND that I clarified my issues with AO3 (after people kept pushing me about it, mind you) everyone got much more eager to watch me fail. So frankly, I think I’m just going to quit. If this is the community I’ll have when I disagree with you people even a little bit, I don’t want it.

--

Yes, and that scattershot approach is what made your previous ask rude.

It ignores me as a person and treats me as a public resource.

And now you're acting like the injured party over being called on it.

[stayevildarling]

Emily Prentiss x Reader- You're the greatest thing I lost

A/N: I'm back after a little break. I have been binge watching criminal minds for weeks and am currently on Season 7. The last few episodes gave me this specific idea. I'm sure people must have done this before given the size of the fandom. ���

prompt: You watch Emily die on a mission, unable to cope with the aftermath of her passing until your supervisor Hotch gathers you all for an important meeting and your world spins around completely once more

tw/tags: female reader, mentions of death, mention of blood, mention of gunshots, mention of depression, mention of alcohol consumption, mention of smoking, mention of self destructive behaviour, mention of insomnia, mention of troubled eating, heavy angst, happy ending though as always

word count: 3.8k

taglist:

@lunaticwhittaker , @billiebeanhoward , @lanawinters-ily , @kenzbro , @minaslittleone , @httpfiftyshadesofgay @whitelotus00 , @ninaahs , @paulsonsratched , @vintagepaulson , @isle-of-earle , @grilledcheeseandguavajelly , @lucyintheskywithxanax , @fanfics4world , @mymiraclewitch , @hazard-to-myself , @awritersometimes , @wastdstime , @p1pecleanerwitheyes , @queen2234 , @ihartnat , @lifebyinez , @stepintomyworld , @ahsatanizgay , @blu3dimples

,,No'' Penelope's begging startles you, followed by JJ's ,,She never made it off the table''.

With tears streaming down your cheeks and panic deeply settled into your chest, you find yourself sitting upright in your bed, the little sleep you had managed to get lately, interrupted by another one of the nightmares. It had been the same for months, the lack of sleep, the exhaustion creeping deep into your bones, the headaches and the fight to stay awake during the day. Yet each night, you would lay awake in bed, staring at the ceiling, feeling her beside you when in reality it was simply Sergio, trying to find some warmth beside you.

It had been hell, the mission, everything happening so fast as you and Morgan made it there, finding Emily on the floor, barely hanging on. The next thing you know, you had all been waiting in the hospital for hours, pacing back and forth before JJ shared the news. You couldn't breathe, collapsing into some bright bathroom, as the sheer panic gripped you. And it seems to have never quite left you, your chest always tight, your hands always shaking and your heart hurting every minute of every day.

The woman with dark brown hair and those brown eyes you could get lost in was gone. You had worked beside her and the BAU for several years, Morgan your partner at first until the three of you became the perfect trio. You worked well together, alongside Reid and Rossi and Hotch of course. There had always been a silent understanding between you and Emily, the deep trust that took a while to build, until the two of you knew you had each other's backs. But there was something else beside the trust, which you shared with other members of the team. There was something in each other's eyes that captivated you both. During a boring meeting, your eyes would find each other, silently communicating and remembering what gossip you would share over coffee afterwards.

An uncomfortable case or interrogation when either you knew Emily needed a break or this was getting to you a little much. A bumpy plane ride which Emily knew made you nervous and a gentle and subtle hand resting somewhere near you. In return, you knew exactly what got to her, certain cases, the paperwork in the middle of the night and so you kept her company, eventually growing close and seeing each other outside of work. It wasn't anything major, the occasional drinks after work, the occassional coffee before work but it had been obvious as neither of you minded it being simply the two of you rather than the whole team. Neither of you ever dared to express the underlying feelings and truths hidden beneath the smiles and the gentle strokes of each other's thumbs.

Emily had a feeling once, brushing it off as she wanted to focus on her work, and assuming that you couldn't be interested in her, when an unpleasant unsub on a case came a little too close to her and you sent him flying to the nearest wall. She had been impressed at first, but after giving it some time, she couldn't forget the expression on your face, more than it being your job, more than wanting to protect your partner. She had sensed love, in it's purest and truest forms but she brushed it off, despite her having the same feelings towards you, too busy with the cases piling up to ever adress what she had witnessed and what had been on her mind.

It had been the funeral that hit you the hardest, placing flowers on her coffin, standing beside Penelope as she held your hand, sobbing by your side while you remained with an empty expression on your face. You never cried in front of them, brushed Hotch's assessment aside as you couldn't talk about it but they had noticed. The long nights at your desk, the extensive research you had been doing on Doyle, helping Morgan find him and chasing nothing but revenge and making him pay for what he had caused. They noticed the bags under your eyes, the shaking of your hands and voice. And Reid has his suspicions about the contents of your coffee cup. Penelope worried as she never saw you eat anymore, at least around them and seeing how thin you had become. Yet throughout it all, you remained the best at what you are doing, profiling. You broke through even the toughest of cases with your team, often giving them important intel and chasing the unsubs down. And so neither of them could really do or say anything, simply watching you suffer in silence.

Your life had become dark, despite never really having Emily the way your heart had hoped, she was gone. No more smiles to share, no more silly gossip, no more running into missions with her, no one to comfort you on the plane, no one to get coffee or drinks with. And so your days had looked the same, working in the office until the late hours, long after the team had already left home. Stumbling home before forcing some small food down your throat in order not to pass out. Staring at the ceiling for hours, thinking of the woman suddenly gone from your life, getting little sleep before getting interrupted by the same nightmare. Like a robot, you got yourself in the shower and dressed, looking responsible for your day before grabbing a togo coffee and putting a little something in there in order to get you through the day.

At least three times a week you would stop by her grave, at first ever only managing to stay for a couple of minutes until it turned into hours. Sitting in front of her tombstone, no matter the pouring rain or blaring sun coming down on you as you would talk to her, cry over her, beg her to come back. The stages of grief hit you hard and each one was harder to overcome. The last couple of days had been different with you and Morgan finally chasing down the man responsible. When Morgan brought him into the BAU, you watched as anger bubbled over you, your fists clenching as you felt the urge to reach for your gun and cause him the same pain that he had inflicted upon you all. You weren't needed for the interview and you couldn't stomach it, so you remained by your desk. Yet the days leading up to this had you so exhausted, you felt on the verge of falling apart, your body barely keeping it together and the only thing getting you going the amount of caffeine in your body.

It's not until JJ finds you, asking you to join the others in the meeting room, that some adrenaline kicks back in, hoping on some updates with the case. You stand beside the table with the others, watching as they chat along. Seconds pass until your supervisor walks inside, having been gone for some months, his appearance different as he isn't wearing a suit and his facial hair grew in the past few months.

,,Welcome back'' one of them greets him, unable to quite make out who it is as everything arounds you feels a bit muffled due to your state of exhaustion.

,,Thanks. Everybody have a seat'' he encourages and his eyes fall upon you, and you reluctantly take a seat, worried you may fall asleep depending on the reason of this meeting.

,,Why? What's going on? Everything alright?'' the team almost asks in unison.

,,7 months ago I made a decision that affected this team. As you all know, Emily had lost a lot of blood after her fight with Doyle.'' he begins.

Your eyes force closed, really not able to stomach another one of these meetings or even hearing her name.

,,But the doctors were able to stabilize her. And she was airlifted from Boston to Bethesda under a covert exfiltration. Her identity was strictly need-to-know. And she stayed there until she was well enough to travel. She was reassigned to Paris where she was given several identities, none of which we had access to for her security.'' he explains, your whole world spins at his words, this feeling like another one of your nightmares.

,,She's alive?'' Penelope asks, tears already streaming down her cheeks.

,,But we buried her'' Spencer stutters, unable to believe a word your boss is telling you.

,,As I said, I take full responsibility for the decision. If anyone has any issues, they should be directed toward me'' he carries on and as you glance at Morgan, you can tell he is about to lose his temper.

,,Any issues? Yeah, I got issues'' he argues, staring at you in disbelief. You can't react, sitting there frozen, hoping you would wake up from this nightmare sometime soon, not able to stomach this change in your dreams and the option of her being alive. Your nails dig into your skin involuntarily, hoping this can wake you up.

,,Oh, my God'' they whisper and turn around in unison.

,,I am so sorry. I really am. Not a day went by that I didn't want to... Really, I-- you didn't deserve that. And I'm so sorry. There's so much I want to tell you guys, and I will. I promise. But right now I really need to know what's going on with Declan'' her voice cuts through the air, instantly bringing tears to your eyes, not being able to hide them this time.

You couldn't bear to look at her, the realisation slowly creeping in that this was far from a dream. Your eyes dart between JJ and Hotch, having figured by her positioning next to your boss that she had something to do with this, at least knowledge before you all did. Penelope is the first one up, taking the brunette into her arms.

Without another word you reach for your jacket, standing up before walking out of the room, ignoring their concerned faces and ignoring the woman's presence altogether, not being able to handle this. Somehow through the panic and tears and shock, you manage to make your way to the rooftop, your secret hideaway lately as no one ever really came there, fumbling the inside of your jacket pocket until you reach the packet of cigarettes and the lighter, quickly putting one between your lips before lighting it. For a moment it all seems to stop, the only noises the background noise of the usual busy city, your thoughts, emotions all stopping for a moment before they come crashing right back, forcing you to your knees and sliding down the wall, sitting in silence as the cigarette continues blowing smoke into the air around you.

,,Morgan follow her'' Hotch orders, knowing they needed you on this case. ,,I don't think we should'' Penelope tries, knowing how hard the last few months have been for you. ,,With your permission, I'll do it'' Emily offers but he shakes his head, ordering them to finish this interview first, knowing how time was running out and they needed answers fast. ,,Give her whatever time she needs, let's finish this case first'' he orders, thinking it through and they all nod, before getting back to work, Emily's mind unable to think of anything other than you or your wellbeing.

They had been so busy with the case and catching the man responsible for this that by the time they return, neither of them due to the adrenaline had noticed that you never ended up joining them again. Hotch is the first one in his office and on the desk, he finds your gun, credentials and your resignation. He sighs, having expected his decision to cause consequences, knowing the emotional torture this had been for you. Emily lingers by his door, wanting to check in whether he had heard anything when she connects the dots. „No“ she whispers, already having a bad feeling from your prior behavior. Hotch looks at her, the guilt written across his face before he takes a deep breath. „I will give her a few days before I make this official, she can change her mind until then and we never speak of this again“ he says, knowing this was the only thing he could really do to help. „Thank you“ Emily sighs in relief, hoping sincerely she could find you and fix this by then.

The team waits by the cubicle desks, hoping for some information but as Emily returns and tells them, they simply look down, understanding your decision. The brunette is quick to gather her stuff, telling them not to worry and that she will figure this out. Before she can reach Penelope‘s office, hoping she could maybe share some insight on your whereabouts, Derek stops her. „Emily.. you gotta understand what Y/N went through“ he sighs before she gives him a questoning look. „Haven‘t you all went through the same?“ she questions before he shakes his head. „Not like her, she‘s been a wreck, I haven‘t seen her smile since, you know she has been sitting at your grave almost everyday?“ he asks snd this statement sends tears to her eyes, the usual strong and put together woman losing herself in the pain of his truth.

She simply nods, gesturing that she will figure this out. By the time she leaves the BAU for the night, Penelope having checked your phone and figuring you must simply be at home, sharing some insight on her suspicions snd how worried she had been about you, Emily‘s heart is both filled with anxiety and pain. She hated having to do this to her team but especially to you, not a day went past where she didn‘t think of you, hoping she could reach out and tell you it‘s all just a cruel joke. By the time she makes it to your apartment, the sky is pouring buckets on her, the occasional strike of lighting illuminating the dark sky and the sound of thunder crumbling in the background.

With caution she makes it to your apartment door, knocking gently before the knocks grow more desperate. You stumble towards the door, opening it without your usual care before laying eyes upon the woman responsible for your grief. „Y/N thank god“ she sighs in relief, her eyes scanning every single one of your features. And she could see it now, the pain behind your eyes, how thin you had become. „I“ she begins, unable to finish as you interrupt her. „I‘m sure your here to get Sergio, let me just grab him and his stuff“ you announce. By her puzzled reaction you should have known that she had no knowledge of you taking him for her yet, this definitely not the reason for her standing by your door in the middle of the night.

,,Y/N wait'' she pleads, grabbing your wrist so you can't leave her standing there. You turn around, avoiding her eyes as you wait for what she is about to say. ,,Can I please come in?'' she almost begs and by the desperation in her voice, you can't say no, never really being able to deny Emily of anything. You nod, allowing her to enter before you walk towards your living room. She stands there hesitantly, glancing at the empty bottles on the table, the empty medication wrappers laying around and the packet of cigarettes. She remains silent, unsure what to say and how to ever make you forgive her.

,,Drink?'' you ask as you gesture towards one of the bottles but she shakes her head, gesturing towards the sofa and you nod, making sure to take the opposite sofa across from her, unable to be anywhere near her as your feelings are all over the place. The thunder grumbles loudly in the distance, the lighting illuminating your apartment further before she begins speaking. ,,Y/N I'm so sorry'' she apologies, her voice sincere as she struggles to keep her emotions at bay. ,,I never meant to leave any of you but I had to'' she confesses. ,,Not a day went past when I didn't think of you'' she admits, for the first time addressing you directly rather than the team. You manage to meet her eyes at her statement, seeing the raw emotion in them, the honesty and the truth.

,,I care about you Y/N and I'm so sorry for hurting you and what you have been through'' she apologises again, her eyes glistening with tears as she takes in your state again. ,,Why didn't you tell me?'' you ask, speaking for the first time since having her back. ,,Why JJ?'' you blurt out, understanding why Hotch knew but unable to understand why she would have trusted the blonde over you after everything you had been through together. ,,She.. you know her position, she was the one able to get me the fake identities and make this whole thing possible'' Emily tries reasoning, sensing the frustration in your voice. ,,You know I have had your back for years Emily, I would have taken that secret to the grave, I could have helped you'' you blurt out, angrily reaching one of the cigarettes before lighting one in frustration.

There is a long moment of silence, the storm outside matching your emotions on the inside before Emily sighs. ,,Started again hm?'' she whispers, gesturing towards the cigarettes, knowing it had always been one of your vices in the past. ,,You have no idea what the last few months have been like'' you sigh. She stares at you before sighing again ,,I do'' she acknowledges. ,,I know you have sat at my grave everyday, I know you carried my coffin, I know you have been struggling but please let me help you'' she begs, glancing at the countless empty bottles and packets again. ,,Why do you care?'' you blurt out, the anger now very visible in your features.

,,Because I care about you.. more than you know'' she admits, letting her guard down in front of you. Her words take a while to register and before you can say anything, Sergio suddenly makes an appearance, jumping on the brunettes lap, greeting her with kisses and you can't help but smile at the picture of the two of them reuniting. He eventually settles beside her, curling up in a little ball as she focuses her attention back to you. ,,Please let me back in, I know I messed up but I will spent the rest of my days making it up to you'' she pleads and something in her statement finally causes you to break, the walls suddenly crumbling right in front of you as you fall apart on the sofa right in front of her.

The tears begin pouring, matching the rain outside before sobs wreck through your body. Emily's lips part in shock, her eyebrows knitting together seeing you like this. Without another thought, she lunges forward, kneeling down in front of you before taking you into her arms. You stifle at first, those arms having felt so familiar before and at the same time praying every day to be in her arms again for the past few months, before relaxing. Emily was back, Emily was safe and home and all you can feel in this moment is the grief of it all but her safe arms grounding you. Her own tears run down her cheeks but she still makes sure that her thumbs catch every single one of yours. ,,I'm so sorry honey'' she whispers as you continue falling apart in her arms, the weight and grief finally lifted off your heavy chest a little.

By the time your tears are dry, the sobs having subsided by now, you catch a glimpse of her eyes as she continues kneeling in front of you, her hands stroking gentle circles on your knees, a weak smile on her face, yet the worry remains. Suddenly you feel this urge to tell her, tell her all of the feelings you had been keeping in for so long, scared she would slip through your fingers again. And Emily can tell, the way your eyes dart between her own, the slight trembling of your hands and the face of realisation. ,,Emily I..'' you mumble, your emotions taking over you as you would have never told her in any clear state like this, especially after a night like this.

,,Y/N I know'' she whispers, a small smile on her features despite the pain of your truth written in her eyes. You search her eyes for any sign of disgust, of shame but all you can find is sadness between her brown orbs. You close your eyes and sigh, worried you had made a mistake, worried you had ruined whatever you may have left with her before her lips come crashing onto your own, the usual composed and careful woman not able to hold this back for a single moment longer. She had these feelings for so long and if Paris proofed anything to her, it was that she couldn't do life without you by her side. She had missed you every day, your smile, your silly jokes and needing you close to her. Tonight was all the confirmation she needed.

Your eyes force open, shocked by her actions before you relax, your lips moving in synch as your heart beats out of your chest. When the two of you pull away, a tear streams down both of your cheeks, as well as a small smile in the corner of your mouth. ,,I didn't know you..'' you whisper but she shakes her head gesturing you to shush. ,,I have known for a while, I have missed you so much darling and I don't want to do this without you, ever.'' she confesses. The night passes on, the storm eventually settling outside and in your chests as you lay in Emily's arms, the events from today having shocked you, not having expected any of this but her confession making your anger subside and hopeful for what was to come next.

,,You still wanna quit the BAU?'' she whispers with a smirk and you shake your head as you nuzzle closer into her chest. ,,Tomorrow morning, we'll go to Hotch together, alright trouble?'' she smirks, causing you to giggle into her as you nod. The brunette can feel you relaxing in her arms, assuming this must be the first night in months you would be able to get some actual sleep. She holds you throughout the night, not wanting to be anywhere else as she watches over you protectively, her arms involuntarily wrapping tighter around you. And she wasn't going to leave you ever again, not being able to stand being away from you.

[jetii]

Charting A New Course

Pairing: Tech x fem!Reader / Tech x Jedi!Reader

Words: 6,219

Tags/Warnings: fluff, hurt/comfort, kissing and cuddling, Tech being a cutie bc that’s mandatory

Summary: You and Tech adjust to your new life together, and to your new home on Pabu.

A/N: For Anne @baddest-batchers 💙 Ily and thank you so much for the inspo, your continuous support, and for being such a light in this fandom!! This is set 2-3 months after the first two installments in the Tech x Sarad series(?). Chronologically it’s part 4 since there will be another (nsfw) part out next week.

Previous Work | Next Work | Masterlist

It's strange for Tech to feel out of his depth, but the truth is, he is.

He's never been good at understanding people. Their thoughts, their actions, their feelings...they're a mystery to him. He's spent years trying to solve the puzzle, but there are too many pieces missing. Too many variables, too many unknowns.

He's given up, mostly. Decided that, sometimes, there are just things that are better left alone.

But, now, he has to try again. Because it's different. He's different.

And Sarad...

Well, Sarad is the biggest puzzle of them all.

You're the most intriguing, most confounding, most wonderful thing he's ever encountered. And he wants nothing more than to solve you. To unlock the mysteries of your heart, and to find out why you do the things you do. Why you stay.

Why you love him.

He knows, logically, that there are no simple answers. That, like the universe, your motivations are vast and complicated, and that they can't be distilled down to a single line of code. But, still, he wonders. He wonders, and he questions, and he hopes. He hopes, with a fierce desperation that surprises even him, that you'll never leave.

But, sometimes, he can't help but worry that, eventually, you will. That, one day, you'll realize that you're better off without him. That you'll grow tired of him, or bored, or frustrated, or simply change your mind. That you'll decide that the life he can offer you isn't enough. That the stars aren't worth it.

He worries, but he doesn't say anything. He's learned, through countless cycles, that the best way to solve a problem is to approach it objectively. That, sometimes, the answers aren't as clear as they seem.

So, instead, he does what he does best.

He observes.

Tech studies you, and watches you, and tries to understand. And, over time, he learns. He learns your habits, your likes and dislikes, your favorite foods and the songs you hum when you think no one's listening. He learns what makes you laugh, and what makes you angry, and what makes your eyes light up with joy. The things he never noticed, or never paid attention to, or never thought to ask about. He learns them all.

And, slowly, he begins to feel more comfortable around you. More secure.

Because, no matter how confusing you may be, you're always consistent.

You're quiet, and calm, and patient. You listen, and you watch, and you observe, just as much as he does. You understand him in a way that no one else does, and you never judge him for his oddities. You seem to appreciate them more than anything. And, sometimes, he finds himself doing things just because he knows you'll find them amusing. More so lately than ever.

He finds it curious, and slightly alarming, that he's beginning to change. That his habits are shifting, and his priorities are rearranging, and that his feelings are becoming clearer.

But, most of all, he finds it intriguing.

Because, now, when you smile, or laugh, or brush a strand of hair out of his face, he doesn't look away. He doesn't shy away from your touch, or avert his gaze. He holds it. And, when he does, his pulse quickens, and his cheeks flush, and his lips twitch upwards, almost without him noticing. He doesn't understand why, but it's become a habit, and one he doesn't mind indulging in.

You seem to notice the change, and you seem delighted by it. But, rather than question him about it, or draw attention to it, you simply smile. A small, knowing smile. One that's both pleased and mischievous, and one that makes his heart stutter.

You're smiling at him like that now. Tech knows he's been caught staring, and while it would normally annoy him, this time, he finds that he doesn't mind. In fact, he quite enjoys it.

He smiles back, a small twitch of his lips, and feels his heart beat a little faster. You're radiant, and beautiful, and his. You're his. And, somehow, the idea doesn't frighten him as much as it used to.

"What are you thinking about?" you ask, tilting your head slightly.

"You," he replies, his voice soft.

Your smile widens, and you lean in, pressing a kiss to his cheek. You reach in front of him, using your hand to push the last of the vegetables from your cutting board into the stew for him. He's been making an attempt to learn how to cook, and he's been finding it a useful distraction from his racing thoughts. Still, though, his focus isn't on the food. It's on you. Always on you.

"Any specific thoughts, or just general observations?"

"General, mostly," he replies, watching you as he stirs the mixture. "You seem happy."

"I am," you reply. "It's a good day."

"How can you tell?”

It's not a challenge. He's genuinely curious. You're always so calm, and serene, and at peace with the universe, and he's still trying to figure out how you manage it. He knows that part of it is the Force, and your connection to it, but there's more to it than that. There has to be.

"Hmmm..." You glance up at the ceiling, as if the answer is written on the wood. "It's hard to explain. I guess...I just feel it."

"That's not very scientific," he says, his lips twitching upwards. "Do you have any evidence to back up your claim?"

"None that you would accept," you chuckle. "But, I can tell. Just like you can tell when a storm is coming, or a plant needs more water. It's a feeling. An intuition."

"I see," he murmurs, his eyes drifting towards the window. It's overcast, and the wind is picking up, and the air is heavy with the scent of rain. It's the kind of day that usually has him retreating into his bunk, or burrowing into his work. The kind of day where he seeks out comfort and shelter and warmth.

"Don't worry," you say as if reading his thoughts. "We have a few hours before it starts. And the greenhouse should hold up. I reinforced the roof and walls yesterday."

"I didn't realize," he says, surprised, and he turns back to you. "I must have been distracted."

"It's alright," you assure him. "I know you were busy."

"With what?"

"Whatever was going on in that brilliant mind of yours," you say with a grin. You nudge him gently with your hip, and he feels his cheeks flush. "I didn't want to interrupt. You were so focused on whatever you were working on."

"I apologize," he murmurs. "I shouldn't have—"

"It's fine," you interrupt, placing a hand on his arm. "I know you get lost in your thoughts sometimes. It's nothing to apologize for. Besides, you needed the quiet."

He smiles at that. You always seem to know when he needs space. When his mind is too full, and his thoughts are too loud, and the only way to escape them is to lose himself in work. You've become an expert at reading his moods, and at taking care of him. And, even though it took him a while to adjust and accept it, he finds that he doesn't mind.

"Thank you," he says, his voice sincere. "You're always so thoughtful."

"Of course," you murmur, and your gaze drifts back towards the window.

He follows it, and his eyes settle on the clouds that are starting to gather on the horizon. The sky is a dark gray, and the air is cold and damp, and there's a faint rumble of thunder in the distance.

"I'd do anything for you, Tech.”

Tech pauses, his spoon hovering over the pot. The words are soft, and sincere, and they send a shiver down his spine. Because he knows you mean them. He knows, in his heart, that you'd never lie to him. Not about something like this. 

He's not sure how to respond, but he doesn't have to, because you're already continuing.

"I like seeing you like this," you say, a smile tugging at your lips. You turn away from the window, your eyes meeting his. "At peace. Happy."

"I like being like this," he replies. He lets the spoon rest against the rim of the pot and reaches out to take your hand. Your fingers interlace, and he marvels at how perfectly they fit together. At how easy it is, now, to express his affection. It's still not second nature, but it's not as difficult as it used to be. Not with you. "With you."

"You're different, lately," you note. "More...relaxed. I like it."

"Is that so?" he asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes," you laugh. "It's nice."

"I suppose I have you to thank for that," he murmurs, his thumb rubbing absent-minded circles on your skin. "You've had quite the influence on me."

"Is that a good thing?"

"It is," he says, and the certainty in his voice surprises him. He doesn't question it, though. "I'm trying to learn how to let go. To be content with the here and now, and to not always be thinking about the future."

"Well, you're doing a good job," you praise, and your smile is brighter than the sun. "I'm proud of you."

"You are?"

"Yes," you say. "You're learning, evolving. Like a flower opening to the light."

Tech huffs a laugh. "That's an...unusual metaphor."

"But a fitting one," you point out, leaning into him.

"Perhaps," he admits. "Although if I were a plant, I would hope to be something more interesting than a flower."

"Like what?"

"Something useful," he muses. "A tomato, perhaps."

You laugh, loud and bright, and the sound makes his chest swell. He loves your laugh. It's warm, and full, and contagious. It fills him with a strange kind of joy, and he feels his lips twitch upwards.

"Only you would want to be a vegetable," you say, shaking your head in amusement.

"A tomato is a fruit," he corrects quickly. Both because he’s unable to resist, and because he knows you don’t mind and that he’ll find your response amusing.

"Oh, of course," you say with an exaggerated eye-roll. He smiles. "My apologies. A fruit, then."

"You are forgiven," he replies, a teasing lilt to his voice.

Tech leans over and presses a kiss to your temple. He's not sure why, but the urge strikes him, and he doesn't resist. He's learned by now that there are some impulses he should listen to. Especially when they involve you. Especially when it means he can feel your warmth, and the smoothness of your skin, and the way your breath hitches at the contact.

You tilt your head to look at him, and he sees the emotions flicker across your face. Surprise, and delight, and affection. You're always so expressive, and open, and his smile widens.

"What was that for?" you ask, raising an eyebrow.

"No reason," he murmurs. "Just...happy."

You grin and lean in, brushing your nose against his.

"Love you," you whisper.

"And I, you," he replies, his fingers reaching up to tangle in your hair. He brings you closer and kisses you, dipping his head and tilting to capture your lips just right. It's slow, and gentle, and perfect, and he's amazed, once again, at how natural it is. He doesn't know how he managed to live so long without this.

He doesn't know how he can ever again live without it.

“They’re going to be here soon,” you murmur against his lips, a note of amusement in your voice.

Tech hums in acknowledgement, but doesn't stop kissing you. He knows he should, but he can't bring himself to pull away. He wants to savor the moment. To memorize every detail, and burn the memory into his mind. You're perfect, and he's not ready to let go. Not yet.

You smile against his lips, and his grip tightens, pulling you closer in a way that makes you let out a breathy laugh. Your hands are on his arms, and your fingers are tracing lazy patterns on his skin as your mouth opens to him.

He can't help but feel a sense of smug satisfaction at the fact that he's the one making you laugh. That he's the one causing the blush that's spreading across your cheeks. That he's the one drawing these reactions from you.

He wants to draw more. Wants to see you smile, and hear you laugh, and watch your eyes light up with joy. He wants to keep doing this, over and over again. Until the stars die, and the galaxies collapse, and the universe falls apart around him. 

He wants to do this, and so much more, and it's a realization that makes his head spin.

He can't imagine his life without you. Without the sound of your laughter, and the feel of your hands, and the warmth of your body pressed against his. He can't imagine his life without the simple domesticity, and the quiet moments, and the uncomplicated love that comes from simply being.

He can't imagine his life without this feeling. Without this certainty. This happiness. And he's suddenly overcome with a desire to do everything he can to hold on to it. To do everything he can to make sure that it never fades.

"Tech..." you gasp, your fingers digging into his shirt.

He pulls away, his chest heaving, and looks at you. You're flushed and breathless, and his gaze drifts down to your lips, pink and slightly swollen from his kisses. He can't help himself. He leans in and kisses you again, a soft, chaste press of his lips to yours.

"They're really going to be here soon," you breathe, your forehead resting against his.

"I know," he sighs. He takes a deep breath and forces himself to pull away. "I should finish preparing dinner."

You nod, a slight frown on your face. Tech knows it's because you want him to keep kissing you, but you're also a stickler for punctuality, and you don't like making people wait. He doesn't either, but he finds that, when it comes to you, he's more than willing to break the rules. Just a little.

"I'll set the table," you offer as you step away. "And I need to get the dessert from the icebox. Do we have any honey left?"

"You made dessert?" he asks, unable to hide the excitement in his voice.

You'd taken to baking lately, and he'd found himself quite enjoying the results. Wrecker especially had developed a taste for your creations, and he was constantly begging you to make him more. Tech didn't mind. He was just happy to see you happy. And, if he was being honest, he didn't mind the extra sweets.

"Yes," you reply. "And before you ask, it's not a cake."

"A shame," he teases. "I was rather hoping for another one."

"You just want more frosting," you laugh. You point a finger at him, the corner of your mouth quirked up. "Don't think I haven't noticed."

"I'm not sure what you're referring to," he says innocently. He smirks as he turns back to the pot, stirring the mixture. "But if I were, I would admit nothing."

"Sure," you chuckle, rolling your eyes. You move away from him, grabbing the plates from the counter, and start arranging them on the table. The sound is comforting, familiar. He's gotten used to this. To the easy rhythm, the simple domesticity, the quiet moments. He never thought he would. Never thought he could. But, with you, he can.

"I think we have enough honey," he calls over his shoulder. "I bought some last time I went to the market. It's in the pantry."

"Thanks," you shout back. "I'll grab it after I finish setting the table."

He listens as you work, the sounds of your movements soothing. You move about the kitchen, opening and closing cabinets, retrieving the dishes and cutlery, arranging everything just so. He's learned by now not to interfere. You have a particular method, and a routine, and he's learned that it's better not to interrupt.

Instead, he adds a few finishing touches to the stew. Some more herbs, a dash of seasoning, a bit of extra salt. He stirs, and tastes, and nods, satisfied. It's good. Better than the first few times, at least. He's pleased with the results, and he hopes that the others will enjoy the meal as much as you always seem to.

"It smells wonderful," you say as you appear beside him. "It'll be nice to have the whole family over. I haven’t seen Echo since…” Your voice trails off, and you shake your head. “Well, not for a while."

"I know," Tech says, his voice soft. He knows that, while the time you spent apart from the others was hard on him, it was harder on you. He had lost his brothers, but you had lost everything. The family you had made, the friends you had known. All gone. You had never even said goodbye.

He's grateful that you've all been able to come together again, in a way. That you're not alone, and neither is he.

"I'm glad they're all okay," you say. "And I'm glad they have a place where they can finally be safe. Where we can all be safe."

"It's a good place," Tech agrees. Pabu is small and remote, and it's far removed from the dangers of the galaxy. They don't have the resources of Coruscant, or the defenses of Kamino, but they're content. They're safe. They're free.

You pause, tilting your head, and he can tell you're listening. He can't hear anything, but he knows you can. He knows you can sense them. It's still strange, after all this time, but it's becoming less so. Less unsettling. More...natural.

"They're here," you announce, a slight smile on your face. "Are you ready?"

"Yes," he replies as his fingers slip into yours. "Let's go greet our guests."

The door opens, and the sounds of laughter drift in, followed by a gust of cool air. Omega's the first to step through, and she rushes towards you, practically tackling you in a hug. The others file in, greeting Tech and giving you warm embraces, and soon, the small house is filled with familiar voices.

Wrecker claps Tech on the shoulder, nearly knocking him over on his way to the kitchen. Hunter offers him a quiet smile and a nod. Crosshair gives him a look that's equal parts sarcastic and fond, and Echo pulls him into a one-armed hug.

"It's good to see you," Echo says, his gaze drifting to you. He gives you a nod and a questioning look, and you dip your head in return. "Both of you."

"Likewise," Tech says, the corner of his mouth tugging into a small smile.

"The food smells great," Hunter remarks.

"I'll put some extra spice in it for you," Crosshair drawls, nudging Tech out of the way and moving towards the kitchen, where Wrecker is already sampling the food.

"Please, don't," Echo groans as he follows him.

The others settle in, spreading out across the room, and the atmosphere quickly becomes comfortable and familiar. Tech watches as they banter, and joke, and bicker, and a small part of him misses the days when it was just the five of them. But, it's a small part, and an insignificant one. Because, while those days were good, these ones are better. Because you're here. And, because he's finally allowed to have you. To love you.

You catch his eye and give him a warm smile, and he can't help but return it.

Yes, things are better, now. Much, much better.

The first thing Tech notices when he awakes is the smell of rain. It’s faint, but it’s there, and he rolls over, breathing deeply. The rain on Pabu is different than Kamino's, softer, and earthier, and he’s come to enjoy it. He cracks open an eye, taking in the sight of the droplets trickling down the darkened window.

The second thing he notices is the absence of you.

Tech's eyes snap open, and his gaze immediately seems out your form, but the bed is empty, and his heart leaps into his throat. He reaches out, his hands brushing against the cold sheets, and he swallows thickly, forcing himself to take a deep breath. He’s being irrational, and his mind is playing tricks on him. You are here. You’re safe. You’re home.

He rises from the bed and crosses the room, his bare feet sinking into the plush rug that you had insisted on purchasing for your new home together. Tech is still not convinced of its practicality, but the way it feels beneath his feet is pleasant, so he never protested. And, judging by the number of times he had caught you walking across it barefoot, pacing in circles as you typed away on your datapad, you seem to enjoy it as well.

Tech smiles slightly at the memory and opens the door, stepping into the hallway. The house is dark, save for a small lamp that's glowing softly in the living room. He pads down the hall and comes to a stop when he reaches the threshold. 

You’re sitting in the center of the floor, the soft glow of the light illuminating your features. Your legs are crossed underneath you, and your head is bowed as if in prayer. He can see your shoulders rise and fall with each breath, and the quiet tension that seems to constantly radiate from you has lessened somewhat. But there is still a weariness in the way you held yourself, a weight that has not yet been lifted.

Tech stands in the doorway for a moment, simply watching you. The sight of you meditating is not an unfamiliar one, and neither is the way his heart fluttered when he sees you. But the intensity of his feelings still takes him by surprise. He can only imagine what it would be like in the future. He doesn’t think it will ever stop, this overwhelming love he felt for you.

"Are you going to stand there all night, or are you going to join me?"

Tech starts slightly, his heart jumping at the sound of your voice. You turn to look at him, a small smile playing across your lips, and he can’t help but return it.

"I wasn't sure if I was allowed," he says quietly. He crosses the room, grabbing a blanket from the couch as he did so. You watch him, your expression softening as he carefully arranges the blanket around your shoulders before settling down next to you.

"Of course you're allowed," you murmur, shifting closer to him. "This is your home, too."

"I know," he says. "I was merely giving you some space. I did not wish to intrude."

You shake your head and let out a soft sigh. "Tech, I appreciate the sentiment, but I've had plenty of space. More than enough."

He hesitates for a moment, searching your expression. You seem calm, and the usual tension that lines your features had faded, but he’s still unsure. He had not wanted to push you, to ask for anything more than you were willing to give. And, though you had been open and welcoming with him in the months since your return, he’s still unsure how to act. He doesn’t quite know the boundaries, and he’s still afraid of crossing them, of hurting you.

"You don't have to worry, Tech," you say softly, as if sensing his thoughts. Perhaps you did. He would not be surprised. Your abilities were impressive, even by his standards. "I'm okay. I promise."

"Are you?" he asks, the question slipping from his mouth before he could stop it.

You pause, your brows drawing together. Tech holds his breath, waiting.

"Yes," you finally say, your voice firm. "I'm alright."

"Okay," he says.

You sigh and shake your head. "You're not going to believe me, are you?"

"I believe that you are trying to convince yourself," he replies gently. "But I also know that it is not as easy as just deciding that everything is okay."

"Tech—"

"Please, let me finish," he interrupts, holding up a hand.

You bite your lip, but remain silent, waiting.

"I know that it will take time," he says, his gaze falling to his hands. "And I know that there are some things that will never fully heal. But, if you are willing, I would like to be there for you. To help you in any way that I can."

He glances at you, and he finds you staring at him, your expression unreadable.

"Tech," you say quietly. "I know what you're doing."

"What?" he asks, surprised. "What do you mean?"

"You're trying to take care of me," you say, a wry smile tugging at your lips.

"Is that so terrible?" he mutters. His brows furrow as he studies your face, trying to understand your reaction.

"No," you reply. Your voice is soft and reassuring, but he can tell by the way you wring your hands that it’s more than that. "It's not. But I can take care of myself. I've been doing it for a while now. Long before you showed up."

"I know," he murmurs. "But you don't have to anymore. I am here now. And I will not leave you. I promise."

Your smile softens, and you lean against him, resting your head on his shoulder. He shifts, wrapping an arm around you, and his hand settles on your waist, his fingers stroking lightly over the fabric of your shirt. His shirt, actually. The one that he had lent you last week, and had yet to get back. Not that he minds. Seeing you in his clothes is more satisfying than he would have thought.

"I want to help," he says softly, his gaze fixed on the rain streaking down the window. "But only if you let me."

You don’t respond, and for a moment, he thinks that maybe he had said something wrong. Maybe he had overstepped. Maybe you weren't ready. But then you let out a breath, a long, shaky exhale, and he feels your body relax against him.

"I'm sorry," you whisper.

"For what?" he asks gently.

"For making you worry," you say, your voice thick with emotion. "I just...I didn't want to bother you. I didn't want to be a burden."

"You are not a burden, Sarad," he replies. "You never have been, and you never will be."

"Thank you," you murmur, nestling closer to him. He holds you, letting his hand drift up and down your arm, feeling the tension begin to leave your body. It’s a familiar motion, one that has become habitual, and it soothes both of you. He can feel his own anxiety fading, and his mind grows clearer, his thoughts less jumbled. The simple contact, the feeling of your presence next to him, is grounding.

"I missed you," you say after a while. "So much."

"I missed you, too," he murmurs.

"When I was on Nar Shaddaa, all I could think about was how much I wanted to go home," you continue, your voice barely audible. "Not the place, just...the feeling. Of being with you."

He tightens his grip on you, his arm around your waist pulling you closer.

"But now that I'm here and things have settled down, it's hard," you say. "With the Order, I had a purpose. A reason to keep going. And now, it's like I've lost my anchor."

Tech nods, his chin bumping against the top of your head. "I understand. After the war ended, and we defected from the Empire, the rest of the squad and I felt similarly. We had always had a sense of direction, but once the fight was over, it was difficult to find a new one."

"Yes," you breathe. "Exactly."

"But we found it," he says, his hand squeezing your shoulder. "Together."

You turn your face, burying it in the crook of his neck, and he feels a rush of warmth spread through him. The feeling of your breath on his skin is comforting, and he closes his eyes, letting his head fall against yours.

"We will find your new purpose," he says, his voice low and soft. "It will take time, but we will. And, in the meantime, we will have each other."

You hum in agreement, your hand slipping into his and giving it a gentle squeeze. "I love you."

"I love you, too," he says, his lips pressing a kiss against your forehead.

"Do you think we'll ever feel normal again?"

He thinks for a moment before speaking, not wanting to upset you further, but he can’t find any answer that isn’t the truth.

"No," he finally says. "I don't believe so. Not truly."

You let out a breath, and Tech can hear the disappointment in it. He turns his head, letting his cheek rest on top of your head.

"That's what I thought," you sigh sadly. You move to pull away, but he holds firm.

"But, normal is subjective," he continues, his hand running up and down your arm. "And we have never been normal, so I do not think we have much to worry about."

"I guess," you reply. "It's just hard, sometimes. Being here. Trying to fit in. Especially when I have no idea what I'm supposed to do next."

"Neither do I," he says honestly. "But I have faith that we will figure it out."

You huff a sound halfway between a laugh and a sob. "When did you get so optimistic?"

"I learned from the best," he replies, a smile tugging at his lips. You pull from his embrace, and he feels a brief moment of panic before he sees the amusement shining in your eyes through the tears.

"I'm hardly the best," you chuckle.

"In my opinion, you are," he says firmly.

"Well, your opinion is biased."

"It is an opinion based on fact," he counters, raising an eyebrow as he turns his head toward you. You snort, rolling your eyes, but the smile remains on your lips.

You push yourself up onto your knees, and you lean forward, brushing a kiss against his lips. It’s brief, but it leaves him reeling. When you pull back, your cheeks are flushed, and he feels a surge of affection for you.

"Thank you," you say softly, your eyes meeting his. There’s a warmth in your gaze, a vulnerability that he had rarely seen, and he finds himself leaning forward, wanting to be closer to you again. "For everything. For being here, and for listening. And for just...being you."

He smiles, his hand coming up to cup your cheek. "Always."

You press a kiss against his palm, and his heart swells, his chest feeling lighter than it had in weeks. He’s struck once more by how lucky he is to have you back in his life. After everything he had gone through, after everything you had endured, it seemed impossible. But, somehow, the universe had brought you together once more. And, despite everything that had happened, he has no doubt that, together, you can face whatever the future held.

"Come on," you say, standing and extending a hand. "Let's go to bed."

Tech lets you pull him up, and his arms wrap around your waist, holding you close. You tilt your head, gazing up at him, and his breath catches in his throat. There’s no fear, no anxiety, no doubt. Only peace, and happiness, and love.

"Sarad..."

"Yes?"

He leans down, his lips finding yours. It’s a gentle, tender kiss, but it’s enough to make his pulse quicken. You melt into him, your hands sliding up his chest and tangling in his hair. He pulls you closer, his fingers gripping the fabric of your shirt. You tug him down, deepening the kiss, and he can’t help but sigh. It feels so right, and it’s so easy to lose himself in the sensation, to forget about everything else.

When you finally break apart, the two of you are breathing heavily, and your foreheads are pressed together.

"That was nice," you murmur, a small grin tugging at the corner of your lips.

"Indeed," Tech agrees.

You lean up on your toes, brushing a kiss against his cheek, and his grip tightens on you, keeping you close.

"So," you say, your voice low and soft. "Bed?"

"Yes," he whispers.

Your hand finds his, and your fingers lace together as you lead him out of the room, the blanket trailing behind you. He follows you down the hall, through the doorway, and into the bedroom, his eyes never leaving you.

The door closes behind you, and Tech lets out a sigh, his shoulders slumping as the last of the tension seeps from his body. The house is quiet and still, save for the faint sound of rain trickling down the roof. The darkness envelops the two of you, but he’s content to simply bask in your presence.

"You're quiet tonight," you observe as you make your way to the bed.

"I have a lot on my mind," he admits, following you.

"Anything you want to talk about?" you ask, settling onto the mattress.

He hesitates for a moment, unsure of how to answer. The words are on the tip of his tongue, the ones that had been there for a while, but he doesn’t know how to say them. Doesn’t know if you were ready. And he doesn’t want to pressure you, not when so much is already uncertain.

"No," he says, joining you. "I'm alright."

"Okay," you murmur, curling into his side. He wraps an arm around you, his hand splayed across your back, and he lets out a long, slow breath. He can feel your heart beating, strong and steady, and he matches his breathing to the rhythm.

"I'm sorry," you whisper, your voice thick with emotion. "I know this can't be easy for you."

"No," he agrees. "It isn't."

"But it's worth it," he adds. "Every moment with you is worth it."

You bury your face in the crook of his neck, hiding your tears, and he tightens his hold on you, pulling you close. Your breath is hot against his skin, and he feels your tears dampen his shirt, but he doesn’t mind. His hand drifts up and down your back, a soothing motion that he hopes is helping.

"I love you," you mumble into his chest.

"I love you, too," he replies, placing a kiss on the top of your head.

"I wish I could take away your pain," you say quietly.

"You already have," he assures you.

"What do you mean?"

"Being here, with you, is the closest thing to happiness I've known," he explains. "I would endure any pain, suffer any hardship, to have this."

You’re silent for a moment, and he can feel your heartbeat quicken.

"Really?" you ask, your voice small and vulnerable.

"Yes," he replies firmly.

You look up at him, your gaze searching, and he meets it unflinchingly. He wants you to see the truth, the sincerity, the depth of his emotions. Because it’s true. Because, despite everything, you are still the center of his universe.

"You know, Tech," you begin, a small smile tugging at your lips. "This might be the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me."

"I’m pleased to hear it," he says as a matching smile stretched across his face. “I will note the time and date.”

You chuckle, shaking your head. "I don't know what I would do without you."

"Hopefully, you will never have to find out," he says earnestly.

"Yeah," you sigh. You settle against him once more, your head on his chest. "Hopefully."

He holds you, his arms encircling you, and he can feel your body relaxing, your muscles loosening. Your breathing is evening out, and he can tell that you were falling asleep. It’s been a long day, and a difficult night, and you need the rest. He wants nothing more than to give it to you.

"The rain," you murmur, your voice barely audible. "Reminds me of Kamino."

"It does," he agrees, his own eyes starting to grow heavy.

"I missed it.”

"Me too.”

You shift, moving closer, and his hands instinctively come up to hold you. He’s tired, but he doesn’t want to sleep, didn't want to miss a single moment with you. But his body is betraying him, and his mind is growing fuzzy. The exhaustion is too much, and his eyes slip closed, the darkness enveloping him.

He feels the blankets shift as you curl into him, and your breath is warm on his neck, a comforting sensation. You’re close, and real, and solid. You’re here, and that was all that mattered. He would give anything, would do anything, to keep you here, with him. To keep you safe.

And, with that thought in mind, Tech surrenders himself to sleep, knowing that, when he awoke, you would be there.

Taglist: @baddest-batchers @covert1ntrovert @stellarbit @bruh-myguy-what @qvnthesia

@spicy-clones @kindalonleystars @cw80831 @totallyunidentified @heidnspeak

@lovelytech9902 @frozenreptile @chocolatewastelandtriumph @etod @puppetscenario

@umekohiganbana @resistantecho @dindjarins1ut @tech-aficionado @aynavaano

@burningnerdchild @ihatesaaand @lolwey @hobbititties @mere-bear

@thegreatpipster @lordofthenerds97 @tentakelspektakel @notslaybabes @mali-777

@schrodingersraven @megmegalodondon @dangraccoon @dreamie411 @sukithebean

@bimboshaggy @anything-forourmoony @9902sgirl @jedi-dreea @salaminus

@ghostymarni @gottalovehistory @burningnerdchild @yoitsjay @callsign-denmark

@julli-bee @sonicrainbooms @captn-trex @feral-ferrule @webslinger-holland

@marchingviolist @deerspringdreams @chaicilatte @somewhere-on-kamino

@silly-starfish @floofyroro

[robo-dino-puppy]

horizon forbidden west | scorpion!

[nickeverdeen]

Behind Closed Doors | Hazel Callahan x fem!reader

Pairings: Hazel Callahan x fem!reader (romantic), PJ x fem!reader (younger sister), Isabel x fem!reader (platonic), Isabel x Hazel (platonic), PJ x Hazel (platonic)

Type of fic: Romance, Character Development, Tiny Hurt/Comfort, Drama

Warnings: None (I think?)

Summary: You and Hazel have been dating for some time and she never preassured you to become public as you weren’t ready to come out, but how does it change when Isabel finds out about you two?

Tag List: @callsignwidow

—————————

You joined the fight club reluctantly, more out of curiosity and a desire to stay close to Hazel than anything else. The whole idea was insane—punching people to get back at the football team—but PJ was all in, and that meant you were too, to some extent. Besides, Hazel had been so excited about it, and you couldn't resist the way her eyes lit up when she talked about the club.

Hazel didn’t know, but that was one of the many reasons you fell for her.

It was risky being together, especially since you hadn’t come out yet, but Hazel was understanding. She never pushed you, and that patience only made you fall deeper. However, keeping it a secret, especially from PJ, was getting harder. Especially when you both ended up at the same places, like the fight club.

Your eyes always found Hazel, checking if she was okay after each sparring match, wincing when she took a hit. It was a miracle no one had noticed yet. Well, except maybe Isabella. She had a sharp eye, and recently, you’d noticed her glancing at you during the club meetings, her brows furrowing slightly when you got too concerned about Hazel. But she hadn’t said anything—at least not yet.

Today, you arrived at the gym earlier than usual. The place was empty, save for a few stray mats on the floor. Hazel was already there, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed, lost in thought.

"Hey," you greeted softly as you approached her, immediately noticing a bruise on her arm from the last session. "How are you feeling? That last fight looked rough."

Hazel shrugged with a small smile. "I’m fine. Just a bruise or two."

You frowned, gently reaching out to trace the edge of the darkened skin. “You should be more careful, you know. This isn’t exactly safe.”

“I know,” Hazel replied, her voice softening as she looked at you. “But it’s worth it... being here with you.”

You couldn’t help but smile at that, feeling warmth spread through your chest. Hazel had a way of making you feel special, of making you forget the fear of being found out. And when you looked into her eyes, you saw something that made your heart skip a beat—complete adoration. It was as if she still couldn’t believe that someone cared about her like this, that someone wanted her.

Your fingers moved from her arm to her hair, playing with the soft strands. Hazel closed her eyes, leaning into your touch. Leaning in, you kissed her, your lips meeting hers gently. It wasn’t hurried or desperate, just a tender moment of connection that made the world outside the gym fade away.

When you pulled back, Hazel was smiling softly, her eyes half-lidded in contentment. You stayed like that for a moment, just enjoying each other’s presence, when suddenly you heard the unmistakable sound of footsteps behind you.

You froze, your heart leaping into your throat as you turned around, eyes wide with fear. Isabel stood there, her arms crossed, watching you with an unreadable expression. You hadn’t even heard her come in.

Panic gripped you, and you stepped back, your mind racing. You weren’t ashamed of being with Hazel—far from it—but the idea of people finding out before you were ready terrified you. Your breath quickened, and you found yourself stuttering, trying to find the right words but coming up short.

Hazel, seeing your distress, stepped forward, taking your hand in hers. “Isabel,” she started, her voice steady, “before you say anything, let me explain.”

Isabel raised an eyebrow but didn’t interrupt. Hazel squeezed your hand, giving you a reassuring look before continuing as she explained everything carefully.

Isabel’s gaze softened slightly as she listened, and you could see the wheels turning in her head. She let out a small sigh, then looked at you, her expression more understanding than you expected.

“I get it,” she said finally. “Secrets are tough. But if you’re worried about me telling anyone... I won’t. It’s not my place.” She paused, then added with a smirk, “But you two aren’t as subtle as you think. It’s kinda obvious when you start freaking out every time Hazel takes a hit.”

You blushed, but a small smile tugged at your lips. Hazel chuckled softly beside you, her thumb brushing over your knuckles. The tension in your chest began to ease, replaced by a sense of relief.

“Thanks, Isabel,” Hazel said, her tone sincere.

Isabel shrugged, her smirk softening into a genuine smile. “No problem. But seriously, be careful. Both of you.”

The three of you talked for a bit longer, Isabel asking a few questions about how long you’d been together and how you managed to keep it a secret. Hazel answered most of them, her calm demeanor helping you find your footing again. Eventually, you joined in, feeling more at ease as the conversation continued.

By the time the others started arriving, you felt more confident. Isabel had promised to keep your secret, and you believed her. You and Hazel waited for your turn to spar, standing close but not touching—at least not in a way that would give anything away.

But as the session went on, something clicked and you moved behind Hazel, wrapping your arms around her waist and resting your chin on her shoulder. She leaned back into your embrace with a contented sigh, and you placed a gentle kiss on her cheek.

Whatever fears you had about coming out were still there, but they didn’t seem as overwhelming now. Hazel had been right all along—it was worth it. And as you held her close, surrounded by people who would understand, you felt a sense of peace you hadn’t expected.

For now, this was enough.

[stormz369]

☕💖 Can I Get Your Number? ☕💖 Ch 4

Jason Todd x Chubby! Reader (fem)

written with a female reader in mind, first person pov, no use of Y/N, bit of trauma processing, will probably get NSFW later, let me know if there's anything else I should tag this with!

warnings: family discord and dealing with trauma, drugs briefly mentioned, human trafficking briefly mentioned

word count: 1.7k

Chapter 1 ... Chapter 3 Chapter 4

I thought I was a strong, independent woman. I thought I preferred to take care of myself, that I could never be comfortable relying on others. One date with Jason had me strongly questioning those convictions. He bought the books, we had a late lunch/early dinner at the food court, wandered several stores, and talked about everything and nothing. I managed to keep him from buying every little thing I looked at, but we still ended up with several bags - all of which he insisted on carrying. Even with the bags in his hands, he managed to get his pinky wrapped around mine every time my hand was down. It was clingy, and awkward to walk, and it made me giddy. Is this feeling what everyone’s so obsessed with? … I think I get it now.

Jason drove me home that night, insisting that it was getting too dark and he didn't like the idea of me on public transit alone at night. Normally I would fight him on that, but the idea of walking home from the bus stop was doing unpleasant things to my stomach. He parked, and we took several minutes to rearrange the items in our bags.

“... I guess that’s everything.” He seemed a bit disappointed.

I nodded. “Yeah, I think you're right. … Thank you, Jay, this was a lot of fun.”

He smiled softly, nodding. “I had fun too. … Can I … see you again?”

“It's a distinct possibility.” I smirked a bit. “After all, I have yet to pass judgment on your trashy romance novel selection.”

He laughed softly, groaning and rubbing his face. “I already regret suggesting that. Give it back, you can't have it.”

I held my bags away from him, giggling a bit as he pretended to try to steal them. Suddenly there was movement in the corner of my vision, and I saw a silhouette on the roof across the street. “Oh god…”

“What? What's wrong??” Jason pulled back a bit.

“There’s someone on that roof. Which one is that, can you tell?” I peered up, but with the moon behind them I couldn't see any details.

Jason turned to look too, suddenly a bit stoney. “... Looks like Red Robin and Nightwing.”

“... Two of them? Are you sure? I only see one.” He just nodded. “... Fuuuhhhck, what's happening in my stupid neighborhood?”

“Probably nothing. This isn't their patrol territory…. Or … at least, that's what I've heard.”

I raised an eyebrow, staring at him. “You've heard? … What, do they take their cars to you?”

“... Something like that. … Anyway, it's well known, this is Red Hood's part of town.”

“... You don't think they're here for him, do you? I thought they were allied now?”

Jason shook his head a bit. “Probably just trying to spy on him … nosy bitches…”

I giggled a bit at that, but couldn't help the sneaking concern in the back of my mind. If they really were here to spy on Red Hood, that would suggest he was nearby … Did he decide he wanted his shirt back after all, or was something bad happening in the area?

Jason turned to me, a gentle smile on his face. “Hey, don't worry about them. You just get inside where it's safe, ok?”

I nodded, smiling softly. “Ok, but text me when you get home.”

He nodded, chuckling, “will do. And … about seeing each other again, … how about lunch on Tuesday?”

I nodded, grinning. “Sounds good. Good night, Jay.”

“Night, Doll.” I blushed a bit, getting out of the car and into my building. He waited for me to close the door before driving away, and I headed up to my apartment.

I wasn't sure what I'd find upstairs. I hadn't told Red Hood my unit number, but it probably wouldn't be that hard for him to figure out. … Hell, the shirt might have a tracker on it.

I unlocked my door and checked every room. Nothing had moved. My clothes were still in a crumpled heap on my floor, the flannel still peaking out from under my ruined pants. It occurred to me that I had meant to pick up a replacement pair at the mall before heading home. I sat on my knees, trembling a bit as I picked up the shirt. A thorough examination didn't reveal any electronic pieces attached. It was just a normal red flannel.

I held the shirt against my chest, shaking a bit. Everything was fine. I was fine. Red Hood was one of the good guys, even if he did some really terrifying shit. I wasn't a drug dealer or a human trafficker, so he had nothing against me. He was kind to me, even. I was safe. I was safe. I was safe.

My mind slowly drifted away from that night. Thoughts of blood and fear were replaced bit by bit with Jason; his shy little smiles and cheeky grins, the feeling of his finger wrapped around mine, even the smell of his cologne. When I breathed deep I could still smell it; a rich, woody smell, with a bit of lavender, and under that was a base note I couldn't identify. Something sharp and slightly metallic. I sighed softly, deciding not to think too hard about why I was tying the shirt around my waist, and started tidying the apartment. Couldn't put the pile off forever, but I didn't have to start there…

Jason watched her go inside, waiting to make sure no creeps followed her in before the security door locked. Once he was satisfied that she was safe, he drove off, calling Dick. Straight to voicemail. He tried Tim; also straight to voicemail. Annoying, but fine. He knew where they would be headed next.

Unfortunately for them, the drive was not nearly long enough to calm him down. He pulled in to the batcave and sat on the hood of his car to watch the entrance. Eventually the pair rode in, staring at him like he was the grim reaper.

“… Heeeyy Jason! What are you doing here? Don't you have tonight off?” Tim tried to play it cool, taking his bike to its designated parking spot.

“You should be more careful, Tim. She saw you.”

“Whaaaat? I don't know what you're-”

“She. Saw. You. On that rooftop.” Jason growled a bit, clenching his fist. “Do you have any idea how hard it was to reassure her that her neighborhood was not about to be attacked without revealing too much?”

“C'mon Jaybird, we just wanted to check in!” Dick grinned, moving to pinch his cheek. “Baby Jay-Jay's first date! You can't fault us for being excited for you!”

He smacked Dick's hand. “I can and do. Don't do anything like that ever again.”

Dick hissed dramatically, pouting. “You're so mean, Jay. We just wanted to see if it was going well!”

“Stop. Spying. On me.” He growled, giving Tim a pointed glare. The younger man raised both hands in surrender and nodded.

Dick smirked as Jason opened his car door, calling out; “okaaay, but don't forget to report in to the chat. Unless you'd rather Babs check the CCTV footage at the mall for us?”

Jason froze and growled. “… Fuck….” He slammed the door shut and drove away without another word.

BatKids Group Chat:

Jason: It went well. Now everyone STOP stalking me! You're weirding her out! 😡

8:04pm

Cass: Excuse me??

8:06pm

Damian: Grayson and Drake are the only ones interested enough to bother stalking you, maybe you should focus your ire on them and not the whole family?

8:06pm

Babs: We need details, Jay!

8:07pm

Duke: Wait, what??

8:08pm

Dick: Jaybird went on a date today, Duke! Keep up!

8:09pm

Tim: With a normal human-type girl no less!

8:10pm

Damian: How normal can she be? She accepted a date with Todd after you two harassed her.

8:11pm

Cass: 🙃 … Dick, do we need to have a talk? 

8:12pm

Damian: I handled the matter at the coffee shop. (and am still waiting to be thanked, for the record Todd - the date would not have happened if I hadn't stepped in.) … But still, the girl's taste does seem questionable.

8:13pm

Dick: There was nothing to handle! We had it under control! 🙄

8:14pm

Cass: I hate to say it, but Dami does have a point - are we /sure/ she's entirely normal? There's no chance she's an undercover villain or anything?

8:14pm

Tim: Way ahead of you - background check came back clean. She's as normal as any other Gothamite.

8:15pm

Duke: So … absolutely nuts, but probably not too dangerous? 😂

8:16pm

Babs: Don’t listen to them, Jason - she's a very lucky (normal) girl!

8:17pm

Jason: You cannot be serious. You ran a background check???

8:19pm

Steph: What Babs said. Now, make with the details! 🤩

8:20pm

Dick: Of course we did - what kind of big brother would I be if I let you go out with a girl we know nothing about???

8:21pm

Jason: 😑 … This is exactly why I don't usually respond to this thread.

8:30pm

Duke: Details, man!

8:31pm

Steph: Details! Details! Details!

8:32pm

Jason: 😤 … We picked out books for each other.

8:38pm

Dick: Awww, cute!

8:39pm

Babs: … And???

8:40pm

Jason: And … She seemed a bit surprised that I was there at all?

8:43pm

Damian: Pleasantly surprised, or upset?

8:44pm

Jason: … Just … Baffled I think.

8:45pm

Tim: … How many times did you have to reschedule?

8:46pm

Jason: … A few. But I always told her with enough time so that I wouldn't be standing her up! 

8:47pm

Babs: Curious…

8:48pm

Dick: Alright everybody, recon time!

8:48pm

Jason: NO! It is NOT recon time!

8:49pm

Damian: What do we know about this girl?

8:50pm

Babs: On it!

8:50pm

Jason: No, no, NO! Stop!!!

8:51pm

Tim: Too late!

8:52pm

Jason: Uuggghh! I'm muting all of you!

8:53pm

Tim: … NOT IT TO TELL B!

8:55pm

Damian: Not it

8:56pm

Babs: Not it!

8:56pm

Cass: NOT IT!

8:57pm

Steph: Not it!!!

8:58pm

Duke: Not it!

8:58pm

Dick: …. Fuck.

9:03pm

Next ->

Divider by: @saradika 

Taglist (open):

@jawdropforkpop @krys0210 @snowy-violet @superthoughts @wordsfromshona @mystic60 @iwannabealocalcryptid

[cherryblossombankai]

This is part two of this fic! Word Count: 1.4k Summary: You and All Might encounter the Love Quirk once again. This time, however, All Might is the one affected. Warnings: aphrodisiac, dub con, reader is chased, yandere!all might, unprotected sex, fem!reader, oral sex (fem receiving), ooc Tag List: For my baby girl @actuallysaiyan; @pixelcafe-network, @helloiamadrawer

The months since you were hit by the love quirk that led to your confession to Toshinori have been like heaven on earth. Despite your relationship's frantic, heated beginnings, you’d agreed to take it slow. Toshinori wants to be a gentleman and treat you to dates. He wants to take care of you, his special girl, more than anything. The time you spent most often in each other’s presence was when doing hero work. All Might is nothing if not a workaholic, and you’re such a loyal sidekick you follow him on every single mission. 

You were cuddled on the couch, kissing softly and whispering sweet nothings to one another when you heard the police sirens. You know before he even says so Toshinori is going to want to respond to it. Of course, you were going to follow him. 

It was another robbery, but that’s not the part that troubled you. There was something familiar about these villains. They make a lot of the same moves as some villains you’d fought before. 

All Might runs upstairs to surprise the leader of the gang. As you’re finishing up downstairs, he comes stumbling down with the villain dragged behind him. There’s something different about him. His signature smile is gone, and his cheeks are deeply flushed. When he looks at you, his eyes light up. 

“We’re done here,” he says quickly as the police rush into the building. It was unlike him not to be more friendly. He even seems to be avoiding you, pushing through the crowd to get out of the building ahead of you and then not even turning to make sure you’re following. 

“All Might!” you call after him as you use your quirk to catch up. 

“Don’t…” he growls when you reach out to touch him. He shudders softly, then jumps into the sky to get away from you. You frown before flying up to meet him. 

“Toshinori, baby…”

The two of you land on a nearby rooftop. His back is to you, and you can tell he’s panting. You come to him and place your hand on his back. You can feel him trembling under your touch, his suit is damp with sweat. His blue eyes are glowing, wide and wild, when he turns to you. His teeth are bared in a feral growl. It takes every bit of his effort not to pounce on you. 

“Run,” he growls. 

You’re not sure what is going on, but you don’t hesitate to listen to him. You take off into flight again. He growls as he watches you, his broad chest rising and falling with his heavy breaths. One large hand reaches down to palm at his cock that’s starting to strain against his pants. He pushes his thumb against the head, smearing the precum dribbling out of the tip. 

“Keep running, little girl…Or else daddy will tear you apart,” he shudders. 

You hate to admit to yourself that you’re genuinely scared of him in this state. Yet on the same token, you’re aware that you can’t get away. You could fly across the planet and he’d still find you. All Might’s speed is unmatched.

Through narrow allies and over the highest rooftops, he chases you. The love quirk he was hit with is even stronger than the one you’d been hit with a few months ago. His senses are so heightened, that he hunts you through the city by scent alone. Everywhere you go, he’s right on his trail. Only the last few strands of his self-control keep him from catching you. 

“My sweetheart, so fast,” he whispers as he jumps through the air again.

You make a swift turn to go down into an alleyway when he tackles you. A small yelp echoes off the walls as he wraps his arms around you, and lands on his feet with you in his arms. Your eyes are wide, filled with fear as you look up at him. 

“Dont’ look at me like that, princess,” he purrs before leaning in to kiss you deeply. He jumps again into the air, this time taking you to what had been your destination: your home. “Naughty girl, you were leading me home. I know what you wanted.” 

“I have medicine there…Sedatives,” you explain as he lands on the balcony. 

“Oh! You were going to sedate me?” he sets you down on the ground and begins picking through your pockets for the key to you apartment. In that brief moment where he’s distracted, you try to run away from him again. He grabs your arm and pulls you close again. “Ah, I guess we’ll play it your way.” 

He throws you over his shoulder and kicks in the balcony doors. Before you can argue he has you thrown onto the bed and is spreading your legs. 

“I’ve been able to smell this little cunt for miles,” he growls as he rips a hole in the crotch of your suit. 

“Toshi!” you yelp, but it’s no use. 

His face is buried between your thighs and he licks at your core through your panties. He growls and grunts at the taste of you, the smell even overtakes his senses. It’s not about your pleasure, it’s about possession. To smell and taste and feel your body, the body that belongs to him. 

“Sh-shit, baby…” you whine as you try to push his head away. 

“No, no. Baby, be nice to me. I was nice to you, wasn’t I?” he pouts softly and crawls over your body. He pushes your legs to your chest, holding them in place with one arm while he pushes his pants down. “I just need you, baby. Is that so bad?” 

“You told me to run, Toshi,” you whine. 

“I know what I said, princess. I know,” he guides his cock to your entrance and begins rubbing the head against your slit. “But maybe I daddy was being dramatic, yeah?” 

“Toshi, baby--AH!” 

He pushes his cock into you inch by tantalizing inch. Your nails dig into the meat of his broad shoulders. Your walls stretch to accommodate him. All the while he keeps you bent like a pretzel.

“That’s it, baby,” he moans softly as he begins a deep, frantic pace. 

The bed creaks beneath you, the sound mixing with the lewdness of skin on skin. Above you, Toshinori pants like a wild animal as he takes you without mercy. It’s a far cry from the gentle, loving man you’ve grown to love so dearly, but in his eyes, you see the same uninhibited affection he always shows when you’re alone together. 

“My angel,” he murmurs softly. “My beautiful angel.” 

His hand trails down the back of your thigh to your clit. He rubs it in sloppy circles in time with his thrusts. The way you moan for him makes his cock throb inside of you. 

“I’m the only one who makes you feel this good,” he says in a tone that seems to be trying to convince himself as much as you. You nod in agreement as drool puddles in the front of your mouth. Despite his roughness, the stretch of him inside you is delicious. 

“Only you, Toshi,” you whimper softly. 

With a few more deep thrusts, you’re tumbling over the edge. You throw your head back against the pillows and your body twitches with the pleasure of your release. The way your walls flutter around his cock proves too much for him too, and this time he can’t bring himself to pull out. He cries out as he pumps his seed into you. 

“Fuck, I’m so sorry,” he whispers as his thoughts clear. He shifts to his base form and gently pulls out of you. He looks down at you underneath him. The bruises on your thighs from his tight grip, the way you’re so flushed and exhausted from him chasing you around the city then fucking you. He feels so ashamed of himself. 

“Baby,” you sit up on the bed and reach out for him.

He pulls away, “I hurt you…I forced myself on you…” 

“No! No, baby, you didn’t,” you hug him tightly as he trembles. “I wanted to help, but when you told me to run…” 

“I love you so much…I didn’t want to hurt you,” he whispers. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” 

You run your fingers through his hair as you hold him. He falls asleep as the last of the love quirk wears off. 

[kalopsicanna]

seasons

the four seasons of Iori Utahime, through the eyes of Gojo Satoru

(art is def not mine)

Gojo Satoru first saw her in the spring. how could he have not?

she was stunning.

her luscious black hair was carefully put in two pigtails held by ribbons. her miko outfit, though strange to him then, was clean and free of any wrinkles. the tiny pout she had as she talked to one of his classmates, Shoko, was what really did it for him.

he knew then.

he wanted to go up there where they were. he wanted to coolly flirt with her like he normally did with the other girls. he wanted to make her laugh, maybe ask her out too in the same breath. but all it had taken was a locked gaze with her big brown eyes for just a split second and he had frozen up.

his tongue was heavy and his breaths were short. his brain short-circuited and he couldn’t even form words, let alone sentences.

still, she smiled so kindly at him and the warm feeling in his chest exploded.

“your cursed energy is barely there. you grade two?” he found himself saying, almost instantly putting his foot in his mouth. of course, he had panicked and resorted to a stupid taunt.

her soft, pink lips, the same ones he had likened to a delicious fluff of cotton candy in his head, twisted up in an ugly shape.

she was angry yet her voice was calm as she spoke to him.

“you shouldn’t talk to your senior that way”

he was in trouble.

he liked her face, all red and flushed, as upset as she was. he liked it a whole lot more than he was aware he ought to.

“senior? not when you’re this tiny”

he couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him when she started scolding him about manners with Shoko trying to calm her down and Suguru, who had materialized beside him, doing absolutely nothing to help.

though she was yelling her heart out, he knew, somehow, that she would be in his life for a long time.

maybe even forever.

he truly felt spring then.

the weather was warmer. the trees were greener. the air was cleaner. everything felt alive. vibrant. the sun’s warm rays felt unbelievably fantastic on his skin and the birds above chirped away merrily.

he never acknowledged any of these things before. he thought them to be trivial. unimportant.

but as the cherry blossoms on the trees all around them bloomed, so did something else in his heart, something so small yet so deeply seated.

a liking for the older girl before him.

the summer was about to end.

school would begin soon. he hated it. he hated just how short the break was. hated that he would have to get back to killing curses soon.

but there was one thing he didn't completely hate.

“the fireworks will begin soon” Geto coolly said, holding up his lighter for Shoko to use on her unlit cigarette.

“i’ll go find Utahime” he volunteered, though no one asked of her.

she wandered off with nanami a while ago but he wanted more than anything to watch it with her.

there were all sorts of people at the summer festival they had gone too. a lot of couples too.

he didn't walk for long before he found her.

she was alone.

“takoyaki?” he offered, extending the plate of fried batter to her.

he knew she liked it. it was all she could talk about when Shoko had asked her to tag along with them. that and the fireworks show happening at the peak of the festival.

that was why he wanted to watch it with her.

more specifically, he wanted to watch her. wanted to share something she found so special with her. even if she had no idea of his plans.

she eyed him suspiciously, presumably confused as to why he was being so nice to her when he usually taunted her until she turned as red as a cherry.

“take it while i’m still feeling kind” he added, so as not to give himself away.

she just rolled her eyes but took one anyway.

“why’re you alone? nanami had enough of you?”

“no!” she vehemently denied, not caring about her full mouth.

her denial let him know that he was somewhat right. nanami was too polite to ever say something like that but with haibara’s death weighing down on him in particular, it wouldn't be too far off to say that he didn't want to be around people.

it was a wonder how shoko even convinced him to show up in the first place.

“right” he deadpanned, a hint of a tease in his tone and she huffed, taking another ball of takoyaki.

“oh, it’s time!” a girl beside him squealed and that got his attention.

he looked up and indeed the fireworks show had started, with a few being set off already.

he neither had the time nor the opportunity to process what was happening before Utahime grabbed his hand.

she held it. more specifically, his wrist.

she took off running and he had no choice but to follow.

“w-where are we going?” he managed to get out, despite his brain quickly turning into mush from the sudden skinship.

he was panicked.

he didn't want her to realize what had happened. how he had no infinity up around her like he did everyone else (save for Geto and Shoko). how he was burning red at just the touch of her hand. how he was quickly losing awareness of his surroundings just because she held him.

he was hyper-aware of her palm enclosed around his wrist. he could feel it all. every ridge, every bump. it was hot. like she was burning her print on him.

he couldn't say it would be unpleasant if she did.

much too soon, she stopped at a clearing of some sort, a ways from the crowd of people, and let him go.

“there's a better view here,” she told him with a kind of smile that made his heart go into overdrive.

surely, she couldn't have been smiling at him.

“huh?” he blurted out but before she could even begin to answer him, another firework exploded into brilliant colors in the dark sky, taking her attention.

he watched her throughout the show, carefully taking in every single fraction of every reaction she gave to it.

her yukata, baby pink and blue, was a wonderful contrast to her fair skin. her hair, though still left in her signature ponytails, somehow made her look far younger than she actually was now. maybe it was the childlike beam on her face, so bright and dazzling that it rivaled the flashing lights.

he took a secret joy in being the person to see her like this.

not Nanami. not Geto and certainly not Shoko.

just him.

he only moved his gaze once there was nothing but darkness around them.

“you are such a kid, Utahime,” he told her, grateful she couldn't see his own growing smile in the dark of night.

no, he couldn't possibly hate this.

the fall came with a sad rush.

Geto had defected.

he’d been slowly suffering silently and had just finally snapped and massacred an entire village of nonsorcerers.

Gojo Satoru had been none the wiser.

he didn't know what hurt more. that he had been so oblivious to his best friend’s agony. or that his only friend couldn’t even confide in him until the very end.

just thinking about it made his chest throb painfully.

exhausted, he placed his arm lazily over his eyes, shielding them from the sun.

he'd only been in that position for a little over five minutes when he felt something cold be pressed against his cheek.

“got some time?” Utahime, the guilty party, asked, an eyebrow raised.

she‘d brought an extra can of cola alongside her beer and she held it out to him, which he accepted.

she had a small smile on her face but there was no hint of amusement in her features.

“sure” he mumbled and she took a seat beside him under the shade of the tree that was quickly browning in the autumn season.

they sat in a natural silence.

she peacefully sipped on her drink, eyes following the falling leaves in a sort of childlike amazement. he, on the other hand, held onto the can, though its coldness was biting and his fingers would go numb soon.

maybe he would feel something other than the hurt in his heart.

“how are you doing…really?” she started, carefully, like she was thinking about her every word.

he didn't answer. he couldn't. what could he possibly say? that he was anguished?

even the thought of it almost made him laugh.

Geto Suguru, his friend Suguru, had completely caught him by surprise and gone rogue. that's all there was to it. all he was feeling towards it was immaterial at the moment. he knew that very soon, he would get the call and he would have to hunt down the one person he once considered a brother.

the one he still considered a brother.

“yeah, it was a stupid question,” she thought out loud and laughed a bit.

she was a bit different, he noticed, now that she wasn't a student anymore.

her hair was out of the pigtails and now in a half-up half-down style with a bow to finish it off. her eyes didn’t glow like they used to back when he had first met her. the only thing that didn’t change was her miko outfit and that too didn’t look quite the same.

she looked almost…sad.

he wanted to ask if she was okay. wanted to ask how she had been doing. wanted to ask how teaching in the same school she had attended was. but he just couldn’t get the words out.

“we’ve really never been friends, you know…?” she muttered, taking another sip of her drink.

a gust of wind blew and shook up the tree so some more leaves fell out of it. a few landed on his white hair and she gingerly picked them out while she continued talking.

“but i’m here. right here” she paused to take a breath. “if ever you want to talk”

she placed her hand on top of his for just a fraction of a second before retracting it.

“anytime” she added and he finally met her eyes.

his sunglasses were nowhere to be found and she was able to see how redrimmed his six eyes were. able to see how actually bothered he had been about the whole ordeal.

she feared he would be next. feared he would snap next. that they would lose him too.

he knew it took a lot for her to offer him such comfort. she didn’t exactly hide her distaste for him. no, he wouldn’t take her up on her offer. but hearing those words from someone he trusted as much as her, it made him feel just the tiniest bit better.

“please”

or maybe he would.

the winter was biting.

his lips were numb and he knew that if it wasn't for the cherry lip balm in the pocket of his coat, they would be chapped too.

Gojo Satoru shook off the snow that had piled on his shoes and stuffed his hands into his pockets too. he was sure that if he stood outside for an extra minute or two, he would be well on his way to being the first-ever human popsicle.

“i’m here!” a feminine voice called and he whipped his head around so fast that he almost got whiplash.

Utahime, swaddled in a large coat, a thick scarf, and even mittens, pranced down the street to the white-haired man with a scowl on his face.

“did you wait long?” she asked him once she was close enough.

“yes. i’m all frozen” he sulked like a kid, dramatically sighing.

“sorry. my mom wouldn't let me go”

she hooked her arm with his, giving him the most apologetic smile she could muster.

“warm me up with a kiss?”

she flushed a bright red, eyes darting all around them to see if anybody had heard them.

“we’re outside” she pointed out and he laughed like she'd said the funniest thing ever.

“no one cares, Hime”

with that, he leaned down and placed a quick kiss on her lips, further flustering her.

“hey!”

her scolding only made him laugh even more.

they continued on the way to Shoko’s apartment where they were supposed to meet up with the others without any other incidents, just catching up on all that had been going on in their lives.

it was only when they got there that he turned to give her the most mischievous smile.

“what is it now?” she asked him, exasperated with all his antics.

he only pointed upwards and mouthed,

“mistletoe”

Nanami, Shoko and Ijichi had been busy decorating the tiny apartment with seasonal props when they heard a very loud

“Satoru!”

[theheartnexttophan]

Ok, so I’ve not seen anyone else talk about this, but I think it’s really cute, even if it’s a really small thing that required a LOT of investigation and explanation. So here is my

Black Jumper Theory

Obligatory disclaimer: I can’t prove this to be 100%-beyond-a-reasonable-doubt-definitely-true, but I feel like the jumps I had to make were reasonable enough to claim this as a theory

So first off, in Keeping or Yeeting My Entire Closet With Dan, Dan mentions several times how Phil has a lot of sparkly black jumpers (he says things like “you have 10 of them and they’re all identical,” “he has so many identical sparkly black jumpers,” and “sparkly black jumper number 510.”) But when Phil puts on this zebra print jumper, while debating about whether to keep it, he says “you bought this for me, Dan.”

We know Phil got the zebra print jumper for Christmas in 2016, because in his first video on AmazingPhil in 2017 (2017 WANTS ME DEAD), he’s wearing this jumper and mentions how he got it for Christmas. He talks about a bunch of his Christmas gifts in the first part of that video, (including a deer candle from Dan) and for everything he shows, he mentions who gave it to him, EXCEPT this jumper; he doesn’t say who it was from. As of the Keeping and Yeeting video, we know it was Dan.

But looking at Phil's first videos in other years, we can see that he also wore a sparkly/patterned black jumper in his first proper AmazingPhil video in 2016 and 2018 (so three years in a row.) In 2016, he does talk about Christmas presents, but doesn’t mention the jumper. He does show a blobfish plush and say that Dan got it for him, but considering how we know Dan got Phil a candle AND the jumper in 2017, I think it’s plausible that Dan got Phil both the blobfish and the houndstooth jumper he’s wearing in that video. In 2018, Phil doesn’t mention Christmas gifts or the jumper at all. (Also, I did look back on videos and Instagram posts, and didn’t find any time Phil wore any of these jumpers before their respective Christmases as far as I can tell.)

So based on all this evidence, I think it’s a reasonable jump to guess that from 2015-2017, Dan had a tradition of giving Phil a black jumper for Christmas.

Which leads us to January 11, 2018, when Phil posted this selfie on Instagram wearing the sparkly jumper, and said he wants to legally marry it. Which is SO CUTE considering Dan probably gave Phil that jumper.

BUT for even more evidence, Dan liked this Instagram post, and at the time, they didn’t really like each other’s Insta posts, even ones they tagged each other in (unless they had a specific reason to, like promo posts, and not even all of those). You can see this in my terribly screen recorded video of the posts before and after this one. (Interestingly, it was right around the time that Phil changed his hair to the quiff that they started liking each other’s posts consistently.)

So, when Phil posted that he wanted to marry the jumper, I can’t help but think of how Dan probably gave him the jumper, and how Dan also liked this single post, when that wasn’t a typical thing for him… maybe Phil wanting to marry the jumper wasn’t about the jumper at all… (pharriage hill)

But like I said, that’s just a theory… a phan theory

(Not that I’m necessarily saying there was actually anything wedding/engagement/whatever happening at the time, it’s more just the sentiment of it)

[felinisnoctis]

Chaos Prime: The trio reaches Terra

Thanks to @gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan for Hura (and a lot of dialogue help) and @sleepyfan-blog for Cedric.

Other tags: @egrets-not-regrets @kit-williams

Content warning: injury, blood, attempted kidnapping

Mic woke up face-down in the mud with his mechadendrites forming a protective coat over him. He was pretty sure he was leaking oil into the dirt and his mechadendrites twitched uncomfortably. It felt like several of them were probably broken in a few places. It felt like his hip had shorted out as well, and he couldn’t move his remaining flesh arm. Where exactly was he? He’d been in the warp, and something had come through the hull of the ship, so he’d attacked it. Not very successfully he had to admit.

Nearby someone nuzzled his neck to check for breathing, fangs brushing against him. He swiveled one of the still-working mechadendrites to take a look before using it to shove at the individual on top of him. “Batsy, move.” he managed to send out, his voice crackling from internal damage. Batsy pushed up off of him, wings propelling him up to just above the ground.

“You two are still alive? Good. Let’s get going. I can smell someone else nearby” Felix, the third member, appeared from behind a tree. Mic groaned and tried to get up but couldn’t. “Boss, I can’t.” Felix looked over the grounded tech-priest with a frown, poking him with an armored boot. “You sure you’re not just being lazy?”

Mic yelped as the boot touched his hip. “Yes I’m sure, and there’s a rock under me and it hurts. I’d get up if I could.”

“Fine, fine, I’ll go find something for you. Try not to get killed in the meantime.”

“I’ll leave Filth here behind to guard you.” As Batsy chimed in, a bloated, mangy rat with various patches of some sort of mold hopped down from his shoulder and perched on the fallen tech-marine.

“Thanks, I think.” Mic grumbled into the earth.

Meanwhile Cedric was out picking mushrooms - Hura had been showing him which ones were good to eat - when he heard ceramite boots behind him. Turning to look, he saw a strange marine in defaced blue and gold armor. Cedric suppressed his instinctive growl and instead turned to greet the stranger. “Greetings, I am Apothecary Cedric. What are…”

Any further words got cut off as the stranger interrupted him. “Apothecary? Good, you’re coming with me.” Immediately as he finished speaking he rushed Cedric, who mentally cursed his lack of armor as he dove out of the way. “HEY! LET GO!” He reached around for anything he could use as a weapon, grabbing a nearby large stick and breaking it across the helmet his attacker. Which didn’t do a whole lot but did stun him for a fraction of a second.

A second figure swooped into the clearing. Batsy had chosen to fly behind Cedric, trying to grab at him from the air. As he dodged the first marine recovered his senses and reached out a foot, tripping Cedric down onto the muddy ground. Both of the chaos primaris descended on top of him, attempting to pick him up and pin him at the same time.

“Please put the apothecary down and tell me just what is going on here” suddenly a massive death guard loomed over the scrap, frowning at the two chaos marines attempting to drag Cedric off. Felix stood up, brushed himself off, and attempted to look Hura in the eye.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize this was your pet. We have an injured brother that needs attention.”

"He is not a pet," Hura said with a deepening frown, at the same time as Cedric snarled “I am not someone’s pet!” from his current position in the mud. The death guard looked him over long enough to determine that he was not in need of medical attention before turning back to the others. "If you are in need of aid, ask for it."

Batsy stood up slowly. Fully upright he was huge, with wings of multicolored skin spreading out behind him as he tried to balance on his injured leg. He would probably have looked menacing if not for the utter confusion radiating from his tilted helmet. “Aw but I wanted to taste him. He looks like he’d taste sort of tart, like those drinks with the fruit flavor.”

“Batsy, please shut up.” Felix snapped at his bat-winged companion.

“But I’m hungry!!! And I can smell his blood from here.” Batsy whined back.

“We need to get Mic patched up. And you.” Felix tendered in reply.

"Touch me without permission and I'll kill you," Cedric snaps at the trio of Chaos Traitors, not stopping the low growl that was emanating from his chest as he stood up and brushed clumps of muddy grass from his uniform. Batsy flashed the pair of long fangs that had grown through his helmet at the templar. Cedric squints up at him, "Chaos twisted you a lot, then again, Nurglite Chaos Marines tend to be... large and gr-greenish in color." He bit back what he was about to say, glancing over at Hura.

“Please refrain from biting the loyalist, he might die from the infection. We’ll find you some appropriate food once everyone’s been tended to,” Hura reassured the giant bat-astartes, not making any visible response to Cedric’s near slip.

The pair headed off in the direction Felix and Batsy indicated, Cedric trailing unhappily behind the death guard. As the got to the clearing the plague rat sitting on Mic’s back chirped out a greeting. Hura looked at it intensely for a moment. “Well hello there little one. Is this my patient?” The rat moved chirped again in assent.

“I call him Filth. He has a real name but I’m not supposed to tell anyone. He said I shouldn’t use my real name either.” Batsy explained to the group, not noticing the death glare coming from Cedric. The rat gave a friendly little squeek as Hura scooped it up in one hand. “Oh! You can call me Batsy. The one in the blue is Felix and this one on the ground is Mic. Mic can’t really stand up right now. Do you know where we are? We were in the warp and then something went wrong and now we’re here and this doesn’t look like the warp at all.”

Both Cedric and Hura were thinking about how to best report the knowledge of a daemon on Holy Terra itself. Cedric was additionally considering whether he could requisition a flamer from one of the Salamanders. Daemons were’t really his purview, that was usually for the Grey…nope, not going there, not even in his mind.

“Apothecary Hura. Cedric, if you could see to Batsy’s leg while I patch up Mic here and explain a few things to the group?” Cedric opened his mouth to protest, realized he was outnumbered and unlikely to survive a confrontation, and closed it again, while Hura gave a by now rehearsed speech informing the new arrivals about their current location and the behavioral expectations.

None of the three chaos marines commented much about being on Holy Terra. Felix did, however, struggle with some of the other information. “I still don’t understand how this isn’t your pet, but you don’t want us to take him. Is there a finder’s fee we should be paying first or something?” Cedric growled at the former ultramarine in response. He’d probably bound the bandages on his patient too tightly, but it was hard for him to care.

“You know, it’s a good thing I was nearby when you found him, and not one of the others,” Hura tells the Chaos trio, "or that Roland and Arnault weren't closer. The Emperor’s Champion might have just decided to kill you. Despite the treaty. As would several others, if Apothecary Cedric were to go missing." Hura paused for a moment to let all the implications sink in. “Perhaps this would be a better discussion to continue at the chaos base. I can escort them there while you take your foraging back to your brothers.”

It was only after Hura left with the three chaos marines that Cedric realized the exact implications of what his exam had found. Mutated as they were, the underlying anatomy was that of a primaris marine. Traitor Primaris. Something he had been assured repeatedly was not possible because the new marines could not turn traitor.

ADDENDUM: MY NOTES ON FAMILIARS

So if anyone doesn’t mind spoilers, yes the little rat is a daemon. My idea for this is that familiars that are already bound to a suitable space marine may be brought back to earth with them. However the power of such a familiar are severely curtailed, making them generally little more than an unusually intelligent beast. They are also unable to stray too far from their bound marine without experiencing distress and eventually weakening and dying.

Basically, little Filth here is for all practical purposes, a very smart rat. He can’t manifest powers on Terra and it probably wouldn’t be possible to actually summon a daemon in this AU. It might be possible for Batsy to use him as a focus for minor powers. But mostly he’s cute in his own disgusting way.

[kafus]

my orre colosseum team

i spent the past month or so on-and-off breeding this team for orre colosseum in XD gale of darkness, a postgame challenge i've never played through before. the long time was mostly due to being in bagon hatching purgatory for weeks

i planned out the whole team before breeding it. orre colosseum is basically like gen 3 VGC - bring 6, pick 4 with team preview, no repeating held items, battles are in doubles format. there's not anything else quite like it in gen 3 especially because team preview wasn't the standard yet, so i was kind of in the dark when it came to teambuilding. i knew orre colosseum NPCs had preplanned teams by the devs, not randomized out of a pool of pokemon sets like the tower/frontier , which is more in line with the original stadium games, and it was usually considered a fairly difficult challenge, so i had to give it some thought

this is what i ended up with after skimming some resources for the orre colosseum format played by real players, but not checking orre colosseum teams in advance as i wanted to be surprised. the IVs here are weird since like i said, i spent like a month breeding these pokemon manually (hatched around 2000 eggs overall give or take, i wasn't counting all of them) so their IVs aren't perfect across the board.

the main two things i was keeping in mind while teambuilding were speed, protection from explosion/self-destruct, and spread moves that affect the whole field. tailwind and trick room don't exist yet and speed control options are very limited in gen 3, so base speed and training in speed is really important. additionally spread moves that affect the whole field like earthquake and explosion don't have their damage cut the same way moves that only target both opponents do in this gen, so they're extremely powerful and a team needs to both have access to these options and be able to defend from these options.

i was also hellbent on not using any legendaries (box legendaries and mythicals are banned from orre colosseum AKA restricteds, but legendaries like the kanto bird trio are allowed) and not using metagross or gengar, two of the gen 3 doubles GOATs and... idk i'm just tired of using them frankly, i feel like i have enough skill to beat NPC opponents without them, even if they're tougher. so that's why i don't have pokemon like latios on the team, etc.

i will admit that while teambuilding i completely forgot about rock resistance which is pretty relevant in gen 3 in general... i have THREE pokemon weak to rock and no resisted switch-ins. BUT all rock moves in gen 3 are physical, and i have three intimidate users, so instead of changing up the team i was already attached to after realizing this, i just decided to roll with it.

anyway with all that out of the way and the acknowledgement that this team isn't perfect, i'll explain the pokemon one by one:

first up, tangerine! she was actually the pokemon i teambuilt first and was most excited to use since i got really attached to the persian i used in my recent firered nuzlocke named after my friend zur. in fact, she stems from zur's bloodline so i let zur name her, and they picked tangerine lol. other than just wanting to use one of my current favorites though, persian actually has really nice moveset options for doubles - fake out is not common but is incredibly useful in any doubles format, and icy wind is one of the very few speed control moves in gen 3. double-edge with silk scarf rounds her off with some big damage and shadow ball lets her hit ghost types... though i'll admit protect is definitely more optimal here instead of shadow ball, i just really wanted to use shadow ball because of an ongoing inside joke with zur & co about it (look up the tag #/freakylocke on my blog and you'll find it eventually)

i've played three rounds of orre colosseum so far, so the easier ones, but tangerine has been popping off, she's very useful i'm so proud of her.

tenchi the arcanine is next, also a pokemon i was hellbent on using. during my firered nuzlocke i was really excited to use arcanine since it's a version exclusive and i almost always play leafgreen, but my growlithe died early on from a careless crit, and after that i was determined to use arcanine in the battle tower or something to make up for that disappointment. i ended up routing that desire to orre colosseum instead! the aforementioned dead growlithe was also named after a friend, my friend babs, who picked out the name tenchi.

he's pretty straightforward - overheat does massive damage and ideally he gets to use it twice for free because of the white herb. hidden power grass provides extra coverage and extremespeed lets him pick off weakened opponents. protect lets allies safely use earthquake. also my first intimidate user!

next up, firegreen! bulbasaur was my favorite starter for most of my life until sprigatito came around and venusaur is still one of my most beloved pokemon. his name was recommended to me by my friend note. i was just really captivated by the comedic nature of his name, lol.

he's the team's weather control and has access to sleep powder. synergizes nicely with tenchi who can throw out really powerful overheats in the sun, even with a stat drop. and of course solarbeam is great in the sun.

his EV spread is really specific compared to most of the other pokemon on this team - he has enough speed to outspeed uninvested base 85 speed pokemon, he has enough HP/special defense to live a modest max special attack latios psychic, and the rest i dumped into special attack. this bulk has proven incredibly useful in some battles already so i'm glad i did his EVs the way i did. the slower sleep powders is also convenient for the following guaranteed sleep turn.

now louie the gyarados (named by my friend Serena who was once again a nuzlocke encounter from my firered nuzlocke lol) is kind of a weird one. at this point i knew i was probably going to use salamence, a flying type, and i wanted a second flying type (or levitate haver) for double earthquake immunity. i had also already added arcanine and venusaur to the team, fire and grass types, and fire/water/grass is a known good type combination on a team. so i combined these traits with gyarados - having yet another intimidate user isn't half bad to have either!

i bring him to battles more situationally, ie. in the first round i brought him against lovrina's obvious full stall team because taunt just absolutely decimated hr and prevented her from doing literally anything, even with taunt's crappy 2 turn length in gen 3. he's really meant as a support pokemon - speed control with thunder wave, taunt - and he's meant to stick around as long as possible and be annoying, hence protect and brightpowder (gen 3 doesn't have a lot of hold items so i figured i might as well). but of course i have at least one damaging option and i picked earthquake for that.

i don't remember exactly how i EV'd him but i do know i calculated his HP/defense to live... some rock move... so yeah his EVs improve his match-up into rock type attacks. i dumped the rest into attack, but i may adjust later to give him some speed if necessary, dunno. haven't needed it thus far.

now here's scramble, the only pokemon i actually named myself... her name takes after the sheer amount of eggs i hatched for her, over 800. it was torture. don't ask (lighthearted)

she's the premier damage output of this team and i often lead with tangerine and her so tangerine can use fake out and allow her to get off a substitute, which keeps her safe from most status moves and an attack, and then she can set up dragon dances and absolutely go to town with hidden power flying and earthquake.

i actually ran into a battle with a ditto out of the few battles i've played so far and wound up in a situation where i had to deal with the ditto copying scramble's own singular dragon dance and posing a huge threat to the rest of my team. intimidate really came to the rescue there lol

somehow she ended up being the only non-kanto pokemon on this team. that was not intentional.

and last but not least, scoop! my friend rat recommended the name ice cream scoop, which obviously doesn't fit within the 10 character limit, but i got really attached to the "scoop" part and went with that. he's very straightforward - incredibly fast max speed coverage that hits decently hard and can clean up games from the back. the lum berry is there to prevent him from getting paralyzed or otherwise have his cleanup stopped by status, an d he has protect for ally earthquakes, explosions, etc.

and yeah that's the team. i love them. they took such a ridiculously long time to put together but totally worth it. i'm excited to get back to more orre colosseum when i get the energy

[turtleblogatlast]

Don’t think I ever quite said what my LGBTQ+ headcanons are for the boys, so these are my current thoughts! Always changing of course but this is what I feel most strongly right now.

[mintmatcha]

i saw that

I'm sorry tumblr user demilypyro for my strong opinions on the most popular girls name from 1996 to 2007 :( it WILL happen again #banthenameemily2024

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

childhood friend!sugu vs childhood friend!toru

YOU’VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE .

thank you for saying this anon i’ve been thinking of it a lot actually. i’m morally and legally binded to choose childhood friend!sugu no matter what because he’s literally……. my favorite Ever. and i think the inherent devotion of the childhood friend trope blends soooo well with his natural devotion. his protective urges. etcetc. i have wayyyy too many thoughts about childhood friend!sugu 😭 but it mostly boils down to him wanting to be by your side forever. he wants to make you happy and he wants to protect you and he knows you so well that he doesn’t trust anyone else to love you like he can. he’s selfish and he wants you to lean on him more than he wants anything for himself.

childhood friend!toru though….. i feel like he would be your estranged childhood friend. that makes most sense to me :3 like, you met when you were really really young, and ended up playing together in an empty park. he was a brat, kind of quiet, and you were just sweet, y’know? you were the closest thing to a friend he had as a child. then you ended up moving away, he never got to say goodbye… and you meet again as adults. you don’t remember him — it was just so, so long ago — but he remembers you. he remembers you a little too well.

so now you just kinda have to deal with this tall, handsome, cheery man who keeps talking to you like you’re best friends even though you literally don’t remember him…. he’s sweet though. a little annoying, but sweet. he has a soft spot for you. i think having anything remotely close to a childhood friend makes him feel human in a way he can’t help but crave.

sooooo. overall!!! both are good :3 i will always be a childhood friend!sugu truther before anything else but childhood friend!toru has sm potential..