#not sure why that is either
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#I think I might genuinely be on the verge of a mental breakdown#prompted by nothing so literally wtf???#maybe it’s because I haven’t like…expressed in a while#I think I might just need an actual break#I’m just feeling…sad? today and idk why#like literally nothing is going on except I haven’t been sleeping well#not sure why that is either#I’m trying to make more of an effort to go out and do things even if it’s by myself#taking my meds and vitamins again and trying to eat better#I just feel sad and restless like I need to be doing something or going somewhere#idk it’s weird#Liz speaks#Liz’s personal tag
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"He used blood magic against you. He betrayed us. He pulled you into that prison."
...Illario. That's Illario. They might as well be talking about Illario instead of Solas here, except Illario is all Lucanis has left, so he can forgive Illario for anything. But now all those things that were done to him have also been done to Rook.
#dragon age#veilguard#rook x lucanis#rookanis#da4 spoilers#veilguard spoilers#really enjoying the amount of parallels their romance wound up having#not sure it counts as a 'betrayal' when solas was rook's enemy from the start and we knew he was going to try to escape but#lucanis sure has experienced some betrayal#fascinating that no matter how unforgiving the player may be you can't actually kill either of them in the end (why does Spite tolerate us)
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i'm ready to try
#This drawing is kind of personal to me#I recently graduated (CUM LAUDE WOOOO!!!!) and its like. not to get depressing#but when i was younger i was never sure whether i would make it to this point#When i was going through what i consider to still be like. the worst time of my entire life#This fictional character was there for me and she was something for me to latch onto and cope with#eGem helped me a lot with being able to process my emotions at the time but also helped me to reflect on myself#which i think is a big reason as to why I'm really happy with where i am with myself right now#I'm going off to uni next school year to study astronomy!!! which!!!#Im also doing because of eGem!!! She ignited this kind of childlike wonder for space for me#I love doing math and physics and whilst Im still a bit scared because. honestly i don't know whether this is what i want to do with my lif#I think i'll be okay either way#either way i wanted to draw egem again even if i haven't done so in a while because its like#i think i wouldnt be who i am without her. i think i'd be a lot worse off#so like. thank you empires smp thank you geminitay thank you egem This drawing is me expressing my gratitude#AND THANK YOU AUTISM!#empires smp#empires smp s1#empiresblr#esmp#geminitay#art#fanart#alice.art#mcyt#mcytblr#song is andromeda by weyes blood... obv.. you guys know me by now :oP
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FORGETTABLE-AU (Page 36-39)
* To note. Her hands are scaly. * And...unexpectedly wet?
[BEGINNING] [PREVIOUS] [CONTINUE]
#srry I posted this late I didn't realize the time aaaaa#ALPHYS!!IS HERE!!!#Really wanted to dedicate some time to her introduction...#not sure how I feel about the dialogue in this one but ehh good enough#Can't be a perfectionist#It's interesting writing interactions between these two#we don't get a lot of Gaster and Alphys interactions in fanworks for some reason??? which I never realized??WHY#And on top of that#We don't get Papyrus and Alphys interactions either??but they do have a lot in common! and are mutuals online lmao!#so this is interesting to write since I don't really have a baseline#and they JUST met each other so it's mostly just awkward LMAO#they're both so awkward but I think Wingdings can dissimulate it better#forgettable-au#forgettable-au-comic#undertale comic#papyrus is gaster#undertale au#undertale#papyrus!gaster#gaster#alphys#ALSO#YES#WINGDINGS HANDS DON'T HAVE HOLES IN THEM#y e t#kind of??
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fire cannot kill a dragon BITCH
#a song of ice and fire#game of thrones#asoiaf#got#mine.png#i have no clue what dany era this is i just wanted to see if i could get down how i think book dany looks just like. in general#results are inconclusive#also ive been doing like exclusively multimedia w either sketching or doing full colored pencil first and then taking a picture#on portrait mode ☝🏻#and finishing the rest in procreate so if things look weird thats like#why#im figuring stuff out lmao#and like! where ae the highlights on her coming from?? idk but surely not that fire#daenerys targaryen#adding tags bc my tags are my safe space and if ur reading them then. ur in this with me i locked the door i secured the chains..#just realized that lowkey with how daenerys is described as being just like#ethereally pretty as per the targ pretty gene#i sort of picture her face as like#one of those insanely pretty girls u see on tiktok and they just like naturally have a disney princess face#no makeup bc their skin is perfect and their lashes are naturally super thick and long#thats dany to me#this face ate an entire raw horse heart <3
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Ellie(Dani) didn't realize how dangerous Danny's home was for him until he was more worried about her when she got her own home. - Prompt I think(?)
Ellie wasn't sure how to feel when Danny excitedly animated her to accept Arthur's invitation to live in Atlantis.
"Just if you want of course, but you'll get a stable home, and Frostbite said living underwater might be good for your water cores stability."
She had already been planning to accept the offer. Once she gave the guy an opportunity to have some sort of conversation, the guy was pretty chill, and the castle was pretty cool. So yeah, she was going to accept the offer.
But for some reason Danny's eagerness for her to go with Arthur hurt. It felt like he was trying to get rid of her.
She knew that was ridiculous, she didn't even live with Danny. He looked out for her, and was always a call away but, as much as Danny parents her, he was just a child like her. It made sense he was happy to give away the responsibility of taking care of her.
So when Ellie moved into Atlantis, she was expecting to hear less from Danny. After all, she had settle down, and he didn't need to worry about her adventures anymore. That was Arthur's and Mera's job now.
Weirdly enough, it was the complete opposite.
Now that Ellie was living with adults, Danny seemed MORE worried for her. They went from a call once a week or so, to almost daily calls in the afternoons. He would be more insistent about her telling him if anything was wrong.
He would ask specifics about the food she was eating, and her activities of the day, and her room, and the castles security...
Sam had told her that it was because he used to be able to monitor if she was eating well through the transactions of the debit card they had given her. Tuck had told her that he used to evaluate how safe she was through the phones location, and the hotels receipts.
And well, maybe she underestimated how much attention Danny put on her before, but the way the calls went made it seem like he thought she might be in more danger now that she had a stable home.
Which made no sense, because unlike him, she didn't even need to hide her ghostlines. Anything that was out of normal for Atlanteans was excused with meta-abilities, she didn't need to worry about being classified as a non-sentient species.
That was when it caught up to her. Danny was worried now that she was in a stable home because his stable home had always been dangerous for him. It isn't even a think of it being dangerous now that his a ghost, it has been dangerous ever since he was a child. She remembers all of Jazz's rants about how unreliable their parents have always been.
The food has always been contaminated. The security now attacked him directly, but there had always been a possibility of it malfunctioning and hurting the residents. Him and Jazz had always had the responsibilities of not only keeping the house clean, but the lab as well. If she tops it with the house security system attacking him, and his parents been ghost hunters...
Ellie hadn't found it too dangerous back then, Danny mocked Jazz rants with her, and Jack and Maddie were kind when they interacted with her in her human form. The Fentons neglect seemed liberating in comparison to Vlad overly controlling nature. But thinking about it now, after two months living in Atlantis, she doesn't like the picture.
She doesn't like the idea of Danny being somewhere so unsafe, but where would he go? He doesn't have a water core like her, and even if he had gotten sorta used to shapeshifting, he isn't good enough to live in a second form, which isn't recommendable either way. So he wouldn't be able to move underwater with her.
More so, she doubts that Danny would like to leave his Amity, he had taken the sole responsibilities of dealing with the whole humans - ghost conflicts. With the anti-ecto acts, there's no way he would leave the portal unsupervised.
What should she do now? Should she talk with Arthur about it? He said he was part of the heros friend group, what if they already know about the anti-ecto acts and are okay with it? What if they change hoe they act with her when she tells them she isn't actually an atlatean meta?
#Danny knows that a stable home should be better that Ellie jumping from side to side#But he can't help but be more worried about her now#He himself doesn't really understand why#Home has never been safe for him even if he likes to pretend it is#And his scared Ellies new home is the same#Ellie never revealed that she was a halfa#Arthur met her while under water and somehow got to the conclusion of meta with Atlantean ascendance#Anti-ecto acts are still up#Ellie doesn't trust Arthur enough to talk about that yet#She isn't sure how to approach the subject either#But maybe she can push forward to get her template in a safer environment.#dc x dp#dcxdp#dp x dc#all i know about both dc and dp is from the fandom#ellie phantom#danny phantom#aquaman#arthur curry
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eddie diaz gets shot in broad daylight in downtown LA. he watches his blood splatter against his best friend's face. he reaches out for him three times. he vaguely has the realization that he's in love with his best friend, but there's a lot happening so that's just like background. he loses consciousness after he learns buck isn't hurt. he thinks this is it. this is the end.
and then he wakes up in the hospital and it's ANA FUCKING FLORES at his bedside LOLLLLL
im so sorry. im so so sorry but it's endlessly funny to me that he gets shot, he wakes up, and ana is there??
and then he finally sees buck who is like "btw it would've been better if i was the one who got shot" and eddie's high on drugs and just has to be like ?? wtf?? in the moment
and then later drops the bomb HAVE MY SON (who is my heart) IN CASE OF MY UNTIMELY DEMISE
eddie then goes home, buck is driving him, he gets to see his son again and yay hang out with his 2 favorite people. he's alive, what a great time- oh a surprise welcome party- TAYLOR FUCKING KELLY IS IN MY HOUSE IM KILLING MYSELF EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY
literally the funniest fucking sequences ever seen in television history. man shot. man gay and in love. man remembers he has girlfriend he halfheartedly likes. man's crush suicidal. man go home with crush. man's WORST ENEMY IS IN HIS HOUSE AND HOME.
eddie's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day where he gets shot, wakes up to his gf, and goes home where taylor kelly is there. and he would probably say that the worst part of it all was taylor kelly. i love you eddie diaz. so sorry that this all happened to you.
#eddie diaz#eddie who is going to be gay#i love that that’s a tag#homotron 5000#i actually really love taylor kelly#and i think her and eddie should've had a team up to maximize their pettiness#taylor kelly#not anti ana flores either really although a little bit if you think about it#911 abc#buddie#sure why not#911 spoilers#technically? this happened in season 4 keep up guys
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These are the stupidest shit I’ve ever drawn
Click for… “Quality”…???
#I don’t even. know. why I did this??#I just. I got possessed. I’m not sure what happened.#I’m not finishing these either this shit is stupid#aria draws#digital art#digital drawing#fanart#shitpost#sketch#gravity falls#gravity falls fanart#gf#gf fanart#stanford pines#ford pines#grunkle ford#stanley pines#stan pines#grunkle stan#bill cipher#does this count as billford#whatever it counts.#billford#old man mcgucket#fiddleford mcgucket#fiddleford hadron mcgucket
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Oh yeah, that scene from Brothership. Of course I had to draw it.
#my art#Mario and Luigi Brothership#Brothership Spoilers#Mario#Luigi#Super Mario Bros#Mario either 1. was trying to figure out whether Luigi was real this time or another hallucination#or 2. had a moment of panic because he wasn't sure why Luigi was crying and thought it might be something serious.#Love Mario's big dopey smile when Luigi runs over and hugs him#proving that he's both real and only crying out of relief#uugh these two doofuses
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"Good job, Aerith!" "It was nothing compared to you!" // "I'm so glad you're all okay!" "Right back atcha."
#ffvii remake#ffvii rebirth#aerith gainsborough#tifa lockhart#aerti#aerith x tifa#ffvii rebirth spoilers?#i love them so much#and i'm sure someone's already made this gifset but better... but why not?#i quoted their first and last high five dialogue#aerti high fives are adorable and romantic too i think#but obviously feel free to disagree#ffviiedit#ffviiredit#tifalockhartedit#aerithgainsboroughedit#aertiedit#pls not aerith's little hop/jump and tifa leaning in... it's too cute#twitter could never make me hate either one of these ladies#i might be missing a high five or two so if you can let me knoe which ones i'm missing that'd be great!
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so i’m tryina watch youtube right. and i get this video recommended to me about some roblox horror game. so this guy is going off about how this game is about child abuse and murder and whatnot, but the whole time i can’t take it seriously bc the thumbnail. tje fuckeing thimbnail.
ITS FUCKING JERMA.
WHAT TJEB FUCKE.
#i’m literally going insane#why is he there#NO ONE IN THE COMMENTS NOTICED EITHER#AM I CRAZY#anyways#jerma#jerma985#jermaposting#tw jerma#uhhh#youtube#roblox#sure
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idk if anyone else has done this yet, i feel like it's a pretty obvious combo but i have yet to see it used around the community anywhere else, but uh yeah if this inspires u at all go crazy with it ig 👍
#im sure im not the first to do this#i just havent seen anyone else do it#so i figured id share bc why not#no need to give cred if u use it for anything obvs#not like i invented either of these symbols lmao#creature symbols#therian#therianthrope#therianthropy#theta delta#therian art#therian drawing#otherkin#otherkin art#alterhuman#nonhuman#lycanthrope#transspecies#transgender#lgbtq+#transgender art#trans rights#symbols#anti transid#anti rq
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Hiiii I love your swap au and was had an idea for it :)
Kushina finds obito walking around at an ungodly hour reading a medical book and she's obviously concerned and obito basically almost passes out and she calls the entire team to come help put as they figure out he's sick and kakashi and minato scold him whilst rin and kushina draw up a schedule for him to follow so it doesn't happen again.
Hell yeah🔥
#obito uchiha#kakashi hatake#naruto shippuden#rin nohara#obikaka#team minato#naruto#kushina uzumaki#minato namikaze#besties swap au#bro in this au if y'all wondering why obito got glasses is because his ass is slowly going blind#So far this au is kinda not complete n such but like i want obito to have like his MS like early#same as shisui y'know#but not sure when..#either it's cause his grandmother died early on#or maybe during the part where Rin gets chidori-d?#tho not sure how the flow would go#all ik is thay Rin would survive being chidori-d because the 3 tails healed her#Tho I'm having a hard time when exactly should unlock his MS#this comic ofcourse is after events of allat#but still wondering when and how could be a good setting to gain his MS bros
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literally, no idea what in the hell Ahsoka was thinking when she told Rex her brilliant plan to get off the Venetor was to have him tell a lie
#Rex wasn’t sure what she was thinking either but he wasn’t optimistic about any plan anyway so why not?#(god have I gotten to the point where I can make jokes abt o66?)#(help)#captain rex#star wars#the clone wars#clone wars#clones#ahsoka tano#victory and death#clone wars finale
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I genuinely love not having a crush like I’m not over here feeling physically sick over some mid guy being dry to me I’m literally chilling
#Spring semester of last year was so bad bc I was unironically into 3 guys at once and they were all#Being dry and cryptic to me#And then before that in 2022 I had my horrid situationship#I had a mini obsession arc in dec 2023 over someone but now there hasn’t been anyone since#And my palette is so cleansed#When a girl is like I miss having a crush I’m like you’re literally a masochist#There was very briefly a girl I thought I had a crush on when I realized I’m bicurious but#I haven’t put effort into talking to her bc the idea of pursuing anyone makes me wanna claw my eyes out#I’m pretty sure I ghosted her by like just not responding to her last messsge actually#Not on purpose but more so bc I realized I was feeling the same anxiety I felt whenever I had a crush so I was like#Yeah I’m dropping this for now#I’m also always the most present for my friends when I don’t have a crush so idk#Like I don’t wanna be consumed by anyone I just wanna chill#The solution to not having normal attraction to people is just to not be attracted to anyone at all#I fr cracked it#I always just crave the butterflies out of it and never an actual relationship anyway#But they’re so not worth it#Which is why I always get bored of guys who’re forthright like oh ok you actually WANT something…. U don’t wanna just have fun#Not for me#I think the guys I’m into and I typically diverge in the sense that neither of us wants a relationship but they just wanna fuck me#And I more so just want the butterflies experience / to playact couple for like a couple months but nothing too serious#Which is why it never works#Like it’s not that it doesn’t work bc either of us wants a relationship it’s more that what we want out of the situationship is different#So lame#Ok this was a lot but I literally came to this epiphany while writing these tags
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This line. God, this line! It has been eating me up inside for 2 days now, because let's not forget, this line isn't about love, it's about trust. And that has implications that make me want to scream.
It's a direct reference to this moment earlier in the episode:
At the start of this discussion, Style and Fadel still have a kind of playful air about their conversation:
Style: Oh? Not even me? Fadel: You're at 80% at best. I feel like you're hiding something from me in the 20%.
In this exchange, though, there's a sense that Fadel is issuing a challenge, like there's something specific which Style can do to gain Fadel's full trust. And while Style knows there are things he cannot (yet) reveal to Fadel, I think a part of him is determined to be as honest as he can be, which is why he issues a challenge of his own by asking for more specificity:
Style: What do I have to do to gain your complete trust?
Part of this question is a simultaneously inquisitive and deflective - What (and why) do you think I'm hiding (something) from you? - but there's also a moment after Style finishes speaking where he stills and goes quiet that feels... genuine, weighty. Or, as @airenyah has pointed out in her meta on Style in episode 4, the "grounded[ness]" in Style's demeanour is a signal that Style means what he's saying in the moment. Maybe about his own desire to be worthy of Fadel's trust, maybe about how he genuinely does want this relationship to be real in whatever way that matters to Fadel.
I think Fadel sensed that too, because the moment looses all the lightheartedness it had before. Fadel pauses, and then gets a look on his face that just... breaks my heart. There's a sombreness there, like he knows he's going to have to say something that makes him sad. Fadel looks away, and then down, before he seems to steel himself and says:
Fadel: It'll never happen. No matter how much you love someone, I just don't believe that you can completely lay yourself bare in front of them.
Fadel says this like it's fact. Like what he's expressing is something foundational and true and irrefutable. It's not even about his doubt in Style's honesty, because this statement has no qualifiers or conditions put on it to connect it to Style. Rather this is what Fadel fundamentally believes about relationships and trust: he finds the very concept of being fully known and still accepted an impossibility.
Sure, maybe this is because of the falling out (or betrayal or disappearance) associated with the former lover; but I also think it might be because Fadel is acutely aware not only that he's hiding a rather big and dark secret (not to mince words, but: actual literal premeditated murder), but also about what it implies about Fadel. Because being able to kill another human, coldly and clinically and without remorse, takes a certain type of person. Because, yes, Fadel has lived through an absolutely harrowing and traumatising event (his parents' murder), but it's also undeniable that it changed him. Because there's something about Fadel that twisted dark and which he never quite got back. There's an anger, a hurt that colours every moment of his life; that enables him to look a man in the eyes, smile politely, and pull a trigger.
And at this point in their relationship, Fadel's understanding of Style is that he's... well, kind of innocent. Especially in comparison to Fadel and Bison, and even Kant.
Style, who easily reveals facts about his life which Fadel already knows (winning a car tuning competition), making Fadel doubt his own instincts about Style hiding secrets. Style, who also reveals the things Fadel doesn't know, like the tender and secret pain of a mother lost to cancer (which, now that I think about it, Fadel may also know) and his worries about a father who "lost his bearings for a bit" (which he probably doesn't). Style, who tries to comfort Fadel in his own loss by offering a safe space and a sympathetic ear.
Style, who doesn't just see Fadel for his tragedy, but is asking to be given the chance to accept all of Fadel as a person. Style, who not only wants but has the capacity, to be the only person Fadel needs to rely on. Style who, despite the sea of differences between them, understands Fadel on a level that is so very foundational.
I'm going to slightly segue and mention something that may not resonate with everyone, but really hit me in the gut this episode: because I lost my father when I was 16 after he battled cancer for 2 painful years. And this revelation about Style has totally shifted and coloured everything Style has done in a new light for me. Because not only does this totally explain Style's sometimes almost stubbornly childish demeanour (it's common in adults who've had to 'grow up' too early), but also why Style shows seemingly random flashes of insight and maturity when they are most crucial. Notably, Style has this almost instinctive sense of when he needs to back off a sore point with Fadel that I couldn't quite put my finger on until this episode.
I've seen a few jokes about Style's awkward subject change, but I've actually got a friend who I hold very dear to my heart who was one of the only people to give me a sense of normalcy and comfort when my dad was on his last few days and then at his funeral. And part of that was the instinctive way she would know when I needed to just. Not be a grieving daughter for a few minutes. To get a small respite from the overwhelming hopelessness and sense of impending loss. To get a moment to breathe and gather my strength, because knowing I was never going to see my dad again, or hear his voice, or hold his hand was tearing me apart back then. Sometimes she'd talk to me about college drama, sometimes she'd introduce a new kpop video to me, sometimes she'd just ask me what I wanted to eat and take me to go have a meal with her. And sometimes there really just isn't anything else to say other than "I'm sorry." Nothing you say - nothing you can say - is going to ever, ever make this grief go away, and in most cases, it was better when people (especially those who couldn't really understand) didn't try.
And I think if you look at Fadel very closely, there's a moment of genuine surprise (Fadel wasn't expecting the subject change at all) and then... something that looks like fondness mixed with exhausted relief. Because I don't think Fadel was ready to talk about his parents yet. This was honesty he wasn't ready to give Style, mostly prompted because Style himself had willingly been so vulnerable that a part of Fadel wanted to reciprocate. But further down that path lies not only his darkest memories, but also the connection to the part of his life he is not willing to share with Style yet. So this subject change is a relief, it's a blessing, but it's also Style knowing when he shouldn't push any further with Fadel's fragile heart.
Which brings me back to how well the episode's theme of trust (both deserved and undeserved) was woven in this episode. This is true on multiple levels and characters but I'm not even going to attempt to touch Kant in this post because... Lord, that is beyond me at the moment. Someone else needs to do that, pretty please, so I can reblog it and scream.
It starts, somewhat unexpectedly, with Fadel asking for entrance into the intimate spaces of Style's life.
So, this episode was not about Fadel's fear of his own feelings, desires, or even affection for Style - that appears to be fully addressed in episode 4. I think that's why we see Fadel be so physically affectionate and indulgent of Style in this episode. He's come to terms with his lust for Style's body (hence his comfort in initiating sex), he's accepted Style as his boyfriend and so can enjoy Style's playful teasing (still reluctantly, but Fadel is still an introvert even if he's mostly enjoying Style's rambunctious nature), and give into Style's (and Bison's and Kant's) cajoling with relatively little fuss.
He's even comfortable toying with the edges of revealing his darker and more sinister side by reminding Style implicitly about how violent Fadel has the potential to be. Recall that Fadel knows Style knows some of his capacity for violence; he just doesn't know how very thoroughly Style is aware of the full scale of this truth. It does help that Style evidences no actual fear and, in fact, looks positively euphoric. Like, buddy, pal, dearest one... please control yourself.
And yet something very, very telling is the way the show makes it a point to depict Fadel very deliberately getting drunk during the double date. Even before the date has started, Fadel looks to be about half a beer in and we see him constantly drinking, drinking, drinking during the whole date. From the conversation about trust he has with Style while Kant and Bison are being off key and adorable about it, to after Kant leaves and Bison gets worried. And we've seen Fadel cope with emotional and mental distress with alcohol before, so we know that Fadel is internally fighting some kind of very intense battle even as he is also very clearly enjoying moments with Style on this date (most notably when they're dancing by the bowling lanes and when Style asks him to go home with him).
So here's my take: rather than being about love, this is about Fadel fighting to hold onto his own philosophy on relationships and trust. Because as much as I do believe Fadel believes he's telling the truth when he tells Style that 100% trust is "impossible", I think it's clear that's not what he wants.
What he wants is to finish this last job so that the only thing he can't be honest about with Style will finally stop being a factor in his life. What he wants is to fully and completely reciprocate the openness Style seems to be giving Fadel. What he wants is to switch off his brain and let his heart lead for once, to stop fighting a battle he has no desire to win anymore, only he can't. Trust (not love) is Fadel's final frontier, and one which he can't quite give up in spite of himself.
Which is why I think Fadel intentionally gets himself drunk here. Because he wants to let his guard down around Style. He wants to open himself fully, he wants to "lay himself bare" for Style, he wants Style to know the full truth and accept him anyway - and he gets so close, but can't quite get there - because he doesn't know that Style already has.
When Style says this, Fadel thinks it's empty words, not knowing that Style has long passed the bar Fadel thinks is insurmountable. And just like Style was able to offer safety and reassurance to the vulnerability Fadel was showing in episode 4, Style instinctively gets to the core of Fadel's darkest fears again:
Style: One day, I'll be your 100%.
This isn't (just) a promise that Style will wear Fadel's stubbornness down, or that Style will be worthy of Fadel's 100% (which, already, has me in tears, ngl). Beyond that, this is Style promising Fadel isn't ruined for this; that it isn't too late, that whatever hurts and wounds Fadel has can be made whole again. That the kind of honest and all-encompassing and unconditional trust which Fadel says is impossible can, in fact, be his. That Fadel still has the capacity to trust and be trusted the way he so desperately, painfully longs for.
I know a lot of people have said Style in this episode is writing cheques he has no ability to honour, but I think it's more layered than that. Because in a very significant and profound way, Style is wholly deserving of Fadel's trust. Because in all the ways that Fadel has ever known he should want, Style actually IS worthy of his trust. Style knows the truth Fadel is hiding, knows what this man is capable of, knows the danger of being in his arms, knows the likely nonexistent future Fadel has to offer him -- and wants him anyway. Style is a man who would stare into Fadel’s darkness and reach out first. Strip away the complication of Kant being blackmailed and dragging Style into his mission, and Style is literally perfect for Fadel. He is exactly what Fadel wants (and possibly has wanted for a very long time). He is, in fact, exactly what Fadel needs to ever experience anything beyond the shadow of a life he's had so far.
But oh, the cruel narrative means that Style is also, simultaneously, painfully undeserving of Fadel's trust; and this is something Style is very much aware of. I think that's why he's trying so very hard to be worthy in all the other ways he can be. Style's awareness of what Fadel is hiding enables Style to (counterintuitively) be completely honest about his feelings for and about Fadel even as he cannot reveal his motivations. So he gives Fadel as much honesty as he can: offers the vulnerability of his own pain and hurts; the comfort of his true understanding and acceptance.
And just as Fadel's vulnerability in the abandoned factory was met with Style choosing a form of physical connection that prioritised Fadel's pleasure (it's made very clear that Style is jerking Fadel off and that all his focus in that moment was on Fadel, not his own pleasure), so too is this moment met with Style very intentionally choosing to worship Fadel's body with all the tenderness and genuine emotional weight that Style wanted Fadel to have in their first time in the storeroom.
Because, crucially, this was Style giving Fadel the chance to lay himself at least physically bare. This is the closest either of them can get to full honesty with the secrets they both are keeping. It's why Style tries so very hard to show the care and adoration and genuine feelings he has for Fadel. Why he makes sure that the vulnerability of Fadel getting himself as drunk and as relaxed and as trusting as Fadel can allow himself to be is tied only to gentleness and tenderness and pleasure.
Because Style actually knows that Fadel can't (and shouldn't) trust him in the way Fadel truly wishes to.
And as much as I believe that Style genuinely means this from the bottom of his heart, the horrifying full truth is that it is Style that has the metaphorical knife hovering over Fadel's chest. He is the one with the capacity to actually give Fadel a new scar that would truly matter. He is, in fact, the only one Fadel wants to fully trust -- and this, along with Style's compromised heart, makes it so that the circumstances will doom them both.
#this episode broke me in ways i wasn't ready for because of style's backstory so fair warning there's no level of objectivity whatsoever#i'm sure much as already been said about this line and this moment and i'm sorry if i'm just repeating someone else (please let me know!)#i haven't had the time or physical OR emotional capacity to actually read any meta on episode 5#so i apologise in advance if i screwed up anything but these are just my (somewhat disjointed and very emotionally driven) thoughts#the heart killers#the heart killers the series#fadelstyle#style sattawat#fadel#thk ep 5#thk meta#hui talks thk#hui talks thai bl#i understand why dunk said this scene was so hard and weighty and was his favourite now#(or at least i think this was the one he means?? I vaguely remember an interview where dunk talked about them talking#before they have sex and how emotionally charged it was)#i'll have to go through my tags and see if i talked about it#but either way our boys both did such excellent jobs this episode#as they have been doing every episode but each time i really am just... newly awed by their talent and my adoration for them grows <3#joongdunk#joong archen#dunk natachai
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