#not sun bleached flies................

[bravevolunteer]

@slaughterlocked asked: 🎁 for wrapped meme 👀!!! // spotify wrapped meme

61. sun bleached flies — ethel cain

STOOD IN A DARK AND GRIMY HALLWAY, illuminated by a flickering, dying light that shines over the muck and rust that has long melted into the walls of this crumbling place— a building repurposed time and time again, but no amount of replacing checkered flooring has managed to fully wash out the blood from its crevices. It doesn't need to be there for Michael to see it ( he sees it in his mind every day, drowns in it— whether it's Evan's, pouring down from sharp teeth onto matted fur and all over Michael, or the dots left on his father's collar before he connected the dots, or what he can only imagine all those lost spirits endured ). He has searched for this, crafted the remains of his life around one purpose: savior, atonement, revenge, whatever it could be called ( he doesn't have nearly enough faith in himself to think he's done any good yet, the brewing anger for his father is just stronger than that ).

And here he is. Dark hallway. An open door into a hidden storage room.

He didn't expect for them to talk.

He started guarded, started focused, started with a rehearsed goal he's stewed in for a long while now, but it's fallen apart in the face of his father again. Michael can feel his cobbled-together pieces cracking at the shaky foundation, anger's mask pulling back to reveal a grief so strong he feels like he's going to shatter. "You know? I always knew that in the end no one was coming to save me." He doesn't mean to make it about himself. He really doesn't. But his father's eyes bore into him and his guilt twists disgustingly in the pit of his stomach and he stopped vying for his father's approval a long while ago but that doesn't mean he stopped wanting it. "And yeah, I didn't deserve it, but you were supposed to do that anyway— that was YOUR job." The prepared, fiery yet focused disposition that he walked in with is practically gone, leaving a childish hurt in its wake. "Even when I was the only one left, you— you cared about this delusional bullshit more!— and now you want me to listen to you?"

[daughter-s-of-cain]

[myloveonherknees]

@/hisethelcain. “wrote the album closer last night. listening 2 it all day today and crying happy tears abt it :^)” twitter, 16 mar 2020.

[devoursweetly]

[keywestlolita]

[ptolemaealover]

for sure

[orsanedraws]

[faggotdraws]

We all know how it goes The more it hurts, the less it shows But I still feel like they all know And that's why I could never go back home

Sun Bleached Flies - Ethel Cain @mothercain

[carryocaa]

Disruption

@mothercain

[lethologca]

[sheeps-eye]

If it’s meant to be, then it’ll be.

[daughter-s-of-cain]

[cafenervosa]

sun bleached flies by ethel cain + gerard way as joan of arc

[ID in alt text]

[mad-girlslove-song]

when ethel cain said “i tried to be good am i no good am i no good am i no good” which started with her self-loathing after being abused by her father and neil perry said “i was good. i was really good” and then he killed himself because he knew that he would never be good enough for his father

[mybodywillrot]

yesterday I showed my momma, a 64 year old queer woman raised southern baptist with autism that only got diagnosed a year ago, sun bleached flies. she started crying and told me how she felt the music. how true it was to what she experienced being alienated by her family for being different. how the church was weaponized against her. how she reconciled with God after everything was said and done and decided to take her faith into her own hands. I think that's very special. thank you, @mothercain . your music touches the souls of everyone.

[macaulaytwins]