#not really for this post but i do like struggle a bit w it aside from my dysphoria

[james-preble]

[ED MENTIONS, BRIEF VOMIT MENTION]

this is just like me treating tumblr as a diary rn

my grandmother thinks im anorexic???? she also regularly brings up how i didnt gain weight and how i should gain weight

i have issues with eating that ARE NOT an ed but my parents are still like grrr u need nutrients which is super reasonable but my dads started being like "you need to eat more your grandma thinks youre anorexic" like why is that your new thing and not "you're not getting enough nutrients" like ????

but my issue stems from just that i dont enjoy eating. i eat dinner because my stepmoms a good cook and im hungry by dinner time. i eat breakfast because i have to yk. i eat lunch like 2/3 of the time. i work better with just small snacks all the time but thats not something i can do ++ theres not a ton of snacks that like get me all the nutrients i need

i also have really really inconsistent sensory issues with food? like sometimes something will make me severely nauseous just based off of texture or the fact that im eating and sometimes im perfectly fine

i also have stomach aches a lot of the time and get nauseous really easily (i havent puked in years though) so that makes me less likely to eat

i like actively dislike my body for trans reasons and also just like. how skinny i am

i want to be bigger but i dont like eating because its just like a chore half the time ??? and like my grandma bringing up how skinny i am does NOT HELP

Like idk whag to do because i have no clue how to gain weight ive always been really skinny -- ive also gone through bad mental health phases where i barely eat just because its annoying and feels like its too hard to get up and eat and like the idea of eating makes me nauseous even if its not abt my body image and i dont puke idk

[felixbit]

what friends do

pairing: felix x gn!reader w. 2.1k genre: fluff, a bit of angst and suggestive content summary: at some point a few months ago, felix kissed you for the first time. you didn't mean to catch feelings, but the lazy make-out sessions on his couch were melting your heart. warnings: swearing a/n: this is a fic i wrote on ao3 almost a year ago for @ppiri-bahng! i just wanted to post it on here. unlikely for a part 2 but enjoy :)

At some point a few months ago, Felix kissed you for the first time.

You'd been friends for years up to this point. You met him not long before his debut, so you're his day one. There was always something about the way you interacted with each other that felt so right, and it's why you became such close friends so fast. You spent all the time in the world together, and you'd spend every moment of every day with him, if you could. Felix had agreed with you once that you were soulmates. He was the best friend you'd ever had.

There was nearly nothing you didn't tell or do with Felix. He knew all of your secrets, little facts about you, every person in your life that was significant to you, and it was reciprocated on your end. You two knew each other like the back of your hand, and it felt as if nothing could ever separate you. There was nothing you wouldn't do for Felix, and there was nothing he wouldn't do for you.

So, when he asked if he could kiss you, you said yes.

"Hey."

Your eyes opened, previously closed as your head was slumped onto Felix's shoulder. The television in front of you had some romantic comedy movie on, but you weren't nearly awake enough to know what it was about. You moved your head off of the boy next to you and looked over at him, his chocolate eyes returning your gaze. "Yeah?"

"Would you kiss me?" Felix let his words out nonchalantly, which you struggled to tell if it was the byproduct of his exhaustion or if it was his attitude towards the question in general. His eyes never left yours, so you assumed there was some care behind it.

You shrugged. "Uhh, I don't see why not. Why, do you wanna kiss me or something?" The thought of kissing Felix hadn't really crossed your mind, aside from the few times you stared at his lips a little too long and wondered how soft they were. But really, you'd never thought that way of him.

"I might." Felix pursed his lips and stared at you, which you almost immediately picked up on what he was doing. The look in his eyes and his expression was one you'd seen a million times before, it what was Felix did when he wanted something. You'd usually see it in the context of him wanting some food or to go out, but the look never changed.

Your eyebrows furrowed a little bit, wondering his intentions. Felix never liked you in that way, at least that's what he claimed. "Is this just a totally platonic thing between friends? Why do you want me to kiss you?"

"I just.." Felix trailed off for a moment, tapping his finger on his leg, "I want to kiss you because I miss kissing. The few times I've done it, it was always so nice and fun.. and I thought you'd be chill with it. It's not a romantic thing for me. It's just something I've wanted to do for a while, but I get it if you don't want to."

"No, no.. I get it. If it's not changing anything between us, I don't really see why not. Kissing is fun."

Felix smiled and nodded softly. He let out a sigh of relief and put his arm around your shoulder. "Can I kiss you now?"

"Yeah."

That's where it started. The first time you put your hand on his chest and your lips collided, his hands finding their way to cupping your cheek and the back of your neck, pulling you in close. When you first found out that you were right, his lips were as soft as they seemed. An assortment of little pecks turns slower and into deeper, longer kisses that are more drawn out and intimate. You didn't expect him to kiss you for that long, but you didn't mind. He was a good kisser, which he occupied you with for three minutes the first time around.

Every time the two of you broke apart for little gasps of air, he'd give you these smiles that would break you. Something made kissing him so fun and easy, so addicting and great. The way your hand rose and fell as it stayed planted on his chest made your heart flutter a little. Fuck, wait. No, that's a little too much. A little weird.

Then, it kept happening.

You'd be sitting around in the dorm kitchen, cooking up a meal, and a pair of arms would surround your waist. You'd look down, seeing skinny arms covered in freckles, and smile. Felix needed kisses. You'd tell him to leave you be, that you had to pay attention to your food, but his little pecks on your neck and cheek got you hooked. You'd end up with food burning as you were pressed into the kitchen counter, giving slow, sloppy kisses to Felix for far too long. When he finally let you go, he'd apologize for burning your food and take you out to eat.

Then it was movie night again. Then it was in his room. Then your room.

Felix turned out to love kissing a lot more than you expected. Almost any time you were alone together turned into a lazy make out session. You'd learned the ins and outs of what he liked, how your mouths fit together just right, how eager he was to add tongue, or how he'd always smile into the kiss when you wrapped your arms around his waist or put your hand on his chest.

Every time you'd pull away from him, finally stopping, you'd often end up laying your head on his chest and your head felt fuzzy. Your brain hadn't felt like this before, which was utterly confusing. This was your best friend, but every time you made out with him, your stomach would pull flips and feel like you had butterflies. But, in your head, he was just a friend.

Was he?

You sat on Felix's bed, scrolling your Twitter feed and turning your brain off to the real world. The room was nice and just cold enough for you to be wearing one of Felix's sweaters, which was your favorite. He'd always let you borrow them when it was cold in the house, and they smelled like him. They smelled like home, always taking you to a safe space mentally and cooling your anxiety for a bit.

Peering past your phone, you tuned back in to hear angry phrases coming out of Felix as he sat at his desk. Watching Felix play games was funny, since he never seemed to improve much at them. He always got mad when he lost, and overjoyed when he won. It was obvious he was playing a losing game, and it would be over shortly. You watched on, picking up more about how the game worked, as he gave up and the game ended. He threw his arms up in exasperation, standing up from his desk.

"You okay?" You knew he wouldn't ever really be upset over a game, not in a true way. Though, you always liked to ask so he could vent his frustrations and feel better faster.

"Yeah, fuck, it's just-" Felix let out a long sigh, covering his face with his hands, "I hate playing this game. I always end up losing a bad game and I'm in a bad mood for a while. I don't even know why I play it."

"Awh, 'lix," You opened your arms, "Come here."

Felix walked over slowly to the bed, slumping his body into yours and burying his face in the crook of your neck. Your heart tensed, a warm feeling shooting through your body as you wrapped your arms around him and held him close. He let out soft murmurs, speaking angrily under his breath in an unintelligible way that you couldn't make out what he was saying.

You rubbed his back softly in silence until he finally sat up on his own, looking at you. You met his eyes, entranced in his beauty for a few moments before you looked at his expression. Your eyebrows furrowed. "Felix.."

"Please?"

Fuck. Felix's smooth, deep voice always won you over. As soon as he pleaded with you, you folded for him. Your mouth pursed as you tried to fight off a smile, looking away as you took a deep sigh. "Okay, fine."

Felix smiled giddily and let out a small noise of excitement, which hit you in the gut again. You leaned back against the wall behind you, legs dangling over the short side of the bed as Felix climbed onto your lap. You reached up and brushed a bit of hair out of his face, which he smiled at. Your heart wasn't dealing well with this. Before you could keep thinking, he pressed his lips against yours and you were taken into a mind-numbing state of bliss.

Your arms stayed firmly wrapped around his waist to keep him secure as his hands stayed planted on your neck and cheek. Your kisses were always perfectly slow and tender, Felix never liking to rush through it. The way his lips dragged almost lazily over yours drove you crazy, but you took it at his pace, as much as you'd like to go faster.

At least he was a crazy good kisser. You could never get bored of kissing him, even if you had to spend an hour doing it. You just might, as your longest kissing session went for half an hour with only two small breaks in it. Making out with Felix could take up all your time, and you'd be okay with it. As much as you hated how much you liked kissing him, it was true.

So when he finally pulled away from you a few minutes later, you felt a tensing in your gut. Your lips formed a thin line as you looked down at the bed, unable to contain how you were feeling. Every time you kissed, your feelings for him got progressively worse. You'd reached a breaking point.

"You alright?"

Your chest got a strike of pain through it. The innocence and caring in Felix's deep voice could've shattered you in that moment. You were a house of cards spilled all over the floor. You wanted so badly to tell him a lie, tell him everything was normal and fine, but you knew deep down it wasn't true. You loved him.

"No." Your voice shook, tears forming in your eyes. It was too much to handle.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. I'm here. What's wrong?" Felix stroked your hair softly, leaning down to try to see your face.

You pressed your face directly into his chest, a place that had grown to be your comfort spot. His scent filled you with that soothing feeling, but your stomach turned again and you knew it meant something different now than it did before. A tear slid down your cheek. "I can't do this anymore, Felix. It's too much for me."

"Too much for you? Am I making you uncomfortable? I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you," Felix wrapped his arms around you and held you close.

"No, it's not that at all," Your voice broke, trying not to sob, "I think.. somewhere in this whole kissing thing.. I caught feelings for you. I haven't been able to tell you because I didn't want to make it weird, but it was making me feel so guilty.. and I was liking this too much for my own good. I get it if you don't want to hang out with me anymore, Felix. I'm sorry."

Felix froze for a little bit. He continued to hold you and stroke your hair, but he was silent for long enough to make you worry. Your heart ached as you realized that this might be the end of your relationship with him.

"I think I did, too."

"What?" You pulled back suddenly from his chest, meeting his eyes.

Felix's brows furrowed as he nodded. "I wasn't lying when I wanted to kiss you because I missed kissing.. but I think I did it partly because I wanted to kiss you specifically, and I thought I'd fuck things up between us if I tried to make it more than friends."

"Oh, Felix.." You broke into a smile, a few tears still rolling down your face, "You should've told me."

"I know.. I just couldn't get myself to do it. You were in my head all the time, driving me crazy. I knew it wasn't what friends do, but it was the only way I could still be normal friends with you without going mad."

"So, does that mean we can kiss.. like, not just as friends?"

"Yeah."

[officialspec]

can you pleeeeease post your dm sexuality/gender hcs on here.... 🥺 i don't have a twitter but i wanna know. it's like a pandora's box to me now i'm like scratching at the door. let me in

heres the link 2 the thread (mild spoilers btw) ill post a transcript under the cut for ppl who dont have twitter

first off i think laios relationship to sex is super removed for like 50 reasons without even getting into his actual sexuality

he grew up in a place with very repressed ideas about sex and has a lot of fear about asserting his presence in situations

his special interest takes precedent over any social interactions he has and the level of closeness he feels towards people

he has a hard time figuring out his feelings towards other people both bc hes autistic and bc he has freaky deviantart fetishes that make sex in his mind a very abstract concept <- this one is me projecting mostly

that aside, i feel like gender-wise hes attracted to ppl so infrequently it may as well be entirely case-by-case

the idea of him being gay appeals to me from the 'raised with traditional values he Does Not fit into/hasnt begun to question it yet' perspective, i lauve characters who put a lot of stock into performing a role thats expected of them and fail miserably for unknown (gay) reasons

from his perspective tho i dont think he would ever really label himself anything. hes going to pride parades in the shirt+shorts Ally Fit to clap for his friends

hes also 'cis by indifference' imo... i love tmasc laios hcs it just doesnt mesh w his personal history to me. i do think hes got some kind of therian gender thing going on (not trans or nb but a secret third thing) but i cant see him changing anything abt his appearance/pronouns to accommodate that post-canon. hes just doin his thang

falin is in a similar boat for gender. i LOOVE tfem falin but the village repression thing has been bugging at me so i dont think i subscribe to it anymore (canon purist sorry) BUT if u hold that hc i am clapping and cheering regardless

instead i was propagandised to a while back and i LOVEEE the idea that being fused w a male dragon and the residual traits she has after being revived have given her a type of gender euphoria she didnt realise she was missing. a little boygirl swagger if u will

sexuality-wise i also dont think she would care to label herself, shes a lesbian by virtue of only being interested in One woman and zero other people. without marcille i do think shes still exclusively attracted to women, and i like to imagine she might experiment around a bit during her travels post-canon (pre-relationship). hearing abt it might put marcille on the news though

marcille is very simple That is a transfem lesbian. she cant get pregnant, shes obsessed w being femme and all that combined w her half-tallman struggles to be seen as 'properly feminine' by elf standards reads very transfeminine to Me. also her bookboy crush REEKS of comphet its not subtle

i think a more comfortable marcy might have the space to experiment w being elf butch like her manga boys but thats mainly self indulgence for me. utena could have saved her

senshi is gay his whole thing is abt not being able to perform dwarven masculinity to a proper standard (soft hearted, not as strong or rugged as his peers) which is like gaycoding 101. also hes a bear. homosexuality be damned by boy can work a grill

adding onto this i rly think senshi got some type of euphoria from being an elf in the changeling chapters. he was feeling himself so much i think he was using it as an outlet to have fun being a little fem and fruity without needing to justify it. do u understand

i dont have any particular opinions abt him gender-wise beyond that. his bulge is an essential part of his character design but i also saw a transmasc senshi a couple days ago that made me nod my head thoughtfully so i could go either way

chilchuck is cis and bisexual this is just canon. not even just his old man crush on senshi altho i do think thats very funny but they put his ass on a cover themed like hes in a dating sim with all the men and women in the cast and then slapped it in front of a chapter called "bicorn". i simply cant pass up that kind of overt signaling. its so fucking funny what else is there to say truly

izu to ME is a transmasc aroace lesbian (this one has the least basis in canon i just know it to be true) shes a little genderfluid with it nd uses he/she i think. i like to imagine she consistently uses masculine personal pronouns to refer to herself either way tho (boku, ore)

i think izutsumis gender/sexuality is entirely secondary in priorities to her body dysphoria. she has a lot of learning and acceptance 2 do before that kind of self discovery is on the docket and in my mind eschewing gender on some level is part of that. get sillay

shuro is cishet but at least he feels bad about it. next listen listen to me i dont think he would ever actually examine this but i need u to put on ur tin foil hat with me for one second. i think estrogen could have saved her. i have more thoughts on this but im not gonna propagandise too much on this post just know that im right

kabru is a transmasc bisexual this is also practically text. his whole thing of being treated like a doll by milsiril to put in pretty dresses, plus i think it would be pretty easy for him to stealth in the west since tallmen are seen as inherently more masculine than elves

(i also think changing genders is just more common for elves. theyre androgynous enough that it wouldnt be hard and like who in their right miiiiind would be the same gender for 500 years. dwarves too)

i think he started presenting as male socially in the west but didnt need to consider medical transition until he moved to a more mixed culture where other races might see him as a woman

i dont have to explain the bisexual part. have u seen him

namari is a butch bisexual this is just canon straight up. shes not transmasc but i think the default settings for dwarven women is like 4 years of T regardless. shes a hit at all the local cruising spots despite her renfaire nerdisms i know this

and just bc im thinking abt em kiki and kaka are identical and kiki is tfem :} theyre both attracted to women but kaka is a sub so i forgive him

THATS ALL 4 NOW theres a lot of characters so i cant have thoughts abt all of them at once but i hope this was good. im right about everything forever as per usual

[corvidcrossbow]

would you maybe write some daryl fluff? maybe reader is carols adopted daughter (20ish years old)

daryl comforting reader after henry and how carol acted in the tunnel? maybe r sees carol taking pills n stuff. idk just daryl maybe talking to carol “what about her? henry’s gone but she’s still here!” just daryl sticking up for reader and hugging her n looking after her while carols off.

~•♡•~ What One Has

➳ Summary: Following the Savior war, Carol took you and Henry in as her adoptive children. But through the events of the Whisperer war, your relationship with her became sort of estranged; at least you had Daryl looking out for you (Daryl + Fem!Reader)

➳ Setting: Post Whisperer war, around 10x18 + 10x21

➳ Word count: 1.9k

➳ C/W: Mentions of pike scene

➳ A/N: Ima be so fr, I struggled writing this, I think because I wasn't quite sure what direction I wanted to go but I needa stop sittin on this n I hope you like it nonetheless anon 😭🫶 Hopefully now that opening day at my job has passed I can refocus on writing (and hopefully we never have a day like that ever again cuz someone dropping and coding in front of me was not in any of my expectations 🗿)

Daryl groaned an exhale and shifted in his blankets, rolling over onto his back with a clenched fist resting on his forehead. Darkness shrouded his room in the basement, Dog curled up close to him no matter how many times he tried to ward the canine off from dirtying the plush couch by sleeping on it too.

Despite the threat of the Whisperers eliminated, and what he could only hope would be some time for rest, he didn't rest. Sleeping never proved easier no matter how many times a conflict was eased: he knew more would always follow. Especially now, where the repercussions of Alpha and her actions were so grave it shook foundations he'd prayed would stay stable.

The archer threw back his covers, picking himself from the makeshift bed and finding a shirt he'd earlier thrown aside, and a pack of cigarettes set on the edge of his workbench. He tisked at Dog, instructing him to stay while he quietly existed from the cellar, carefully ascended the stairs and opened the front door to head outside and smoke.

Closing it and throwing his head back to clear the messied hair from his face, he paused at the figure already occupying the right side of the steps. In the faint glow of moonlight, he recognized you despite your hunched posture, seemingly trying to obscure yourself.

“Why ya out ‘ere?”

“Same reason you are.”

It was a rhetorical question, really. He knew why, who this was about. It wasn't the first time he'd found you awake in the night as he was, having become an increasing commonality over the past 10 months since you moved here, and increasingly concerning.

Daryl stuffed the pack away in his pocket, coming to sit near you on the opposite end of the step, propping his elbows on his thighs. “Ya won’ talk ‘bout it?”

“It's not really gonna make a difference,” You replied, head bowed to stare at the wooden planks in front of you, twisting a loose thread you'd plucked from your jeans between your fingers.

“Could. Least yer not carryin’ it by yerself,” He tried to persuade you. Although he was guilty of doing it himself, his conscience didn't sit well with knowing those close to him were lost in their own minds like he so often was. Especially you, who he not only cared about, but had cared for. “C'mon, ‘m listening.”

You heaved an uneasy sigh, reluctantly accepting that he was right. He felt like the only person you had at this point. “I miss her.”

Daryl's head turned a bit so his gaze could flick to you then shifted back, nodding – more to himself – understandingly.

“And it's so weird because she's, what… 30 feet away from me right now? Maybe less? But she feels even further than she did when she just up and left to go on that boat.” You paused for a moment, coaching yourself through your breaths and not allowing them to grow erratic. “I thought, maybe after everything at the tower, she'd warm back up to me again. But I feel like the… thing, wore her raw, and then the blizzard froze her so solid she won't thaw back out.”

The man stayed silent, taking in your every word but knowing to speak now would halt the tracing of your thoughts; hinder you from fully opening up.

“Does she think because I'm grown it doesn't have a major effect on me? Henry wasn't just her son, he was like my brother. Families are supposed to be there for each other when you lose someone– and, and then I almost lost her too. I mean, you remember all the pills; how she never left her room. I could hear her some nights, just talking to herself. She was talking to something that wasn't real more than she talked to me!”

Now you were struggling, that choking feeling tightened around your throat and broke some of your words, mask slipping as the weight of everything started to collapse in on you just like– “And the cave. I… I'd never been more scared in my life, being in there with you guys. There's so many times I thought I was gonna die but nothing scared me like that. I still hear all the walkers sometimes, how she screamed, the sound of that dynamite going off. I still feel like I'm coated in dust just–... What was she thinking? I was right next to her. It's like I was invisible, or erased from her memory, and all she remembers is Henry.”

Daryl pulled you to him before you'd even realized you were crying, holding your stiff body against his, and through a few sobs, feeling you relax and give in. His strong arm wrapped around you was the most secure you'd felt in a long time.

“Shhh… s'alrigh’. ‘M ‘ere.” Soothing words were few and simple, but they were what you needed; the reminder that someone saw you, remembered you, and took account for your feelings in all of this.

You scooted closer to him, further tucking your head into his chest as if you were trying to finally find a moment of peace by escaping into his embrace. Daryl rubbed his palm over your shoulder, doing nothing but just being there for you.

A moment passed and you recomposed yourself to some extent, shuffling away with a sniffle while he loosened the hug. His eyes caught yours for just a second, seeing so much of himself reflected in your irises.

“Sorry, didn't mean to…” You trailed off while rubbing your face with the back of your hand, ridding the salty streaks from your skin and gesturing. You turned away, embarrassed from your venting and finding it hard to face him.

“Don't. Whole point'ah talkin’ is so ya ain't bottlin’ allat to yerself.” He quieted again, casting his gaze to you then up to the sky as he fidgeted with his hands. “Had a brother too; from before. Was an asshole, but still ma brother.”

You perked up a little, following his line of sight to the black above you. “What happened?..”

“Wa'salways gettin’ stuck with tha wrong people; last time jus’ cost ‘em. Happened bouta year into this; had tah put ‘em down mahself.”

“I'm sorry…” You swallowed and unsurely nibbled on the gummy flesh of your cheek. Was there ever really a right way to respond to that kind of thing?

“Ts'fine, long time ago. Point is I get how it is tah lose family like tha’, ‘nd ‘ll always listen when ya need it. Ya got me.”

“Thank you… for everything; bein’ there every time you already have. I really appreciate it, Daryl.” Truthfully, you'd flat out needed it. He'd remained a constant when all else altered. “I just don't know what to do anymore. Dad's been so distant too, and if I'm gonna lose him to cancer... I'll need her there for that.”

You licked your lips, taking a shaky inhale and biting your tongue a bit. “Sometimes I feel like all she sees when she looks at me is my head on a pike too.”

Daryl's jaw tensed, fearing you'd confess something like that. “‘Ll talk to ‘er.”

“No, you don't have to do that. I know you two are already–”

“Nah. ‘M gonna. Ya shouldn't ever think somethin’ like tha’. She still cares ‘bout ya: ts'jus’ hard for ‘er, been through a lot.” He gave a gentle squeeze to your shoulder before removing his hand. “She loves ya. Get sum rest.”

You nodded faintly, taking another breath to gather yourself and lifting from the spot to retreat inside, leaving the man to his own solemn nature.

❥-》》—————➣

Daryl often wondered if some things were worth it, this included; begrudgingly agreeing to let Carol tag along with him on what was meant to be a hunt, yet tracing paths back to that long abandoned cabin he would've preferred to add ‘forgotten’ in the title of.

He damned Dog for leading him back there, but figured something was going to push out the full story regarding how he spent all those years in the forest – and at least it opened the conversation for more important ones that needed to be had.

It wasn't ideal; borderline arguing with the woman he'd so casually dubbed his ‘best friend’, who'd been there when he needed her and vice versa. It hurt, but it wasn't all she hurt him for, and he was far from the only one she did.

“I'm sorry for Connie,” She spoke, head bowed and pursing her lips to shove back the tears that gathered in her waterlines. “But I'm not sorry for going after the horde and I'm not sorry for making Alpha pay for killing Henry because I was right.”

“‘Nd tha's all tha’ matters; you bein’ right, huh?” Daryl angled to look at her, keeping his forearm braced against the wooden post. She questioned the depth of his motivations, and he shook his head disapprovingly.

“Ts'ain't all about ‘em, ‘ts barely ‘bout me. ‘Ts ‘bout'cher damn kid; tha one ya still got.” They met eyes for a moment before hers shot away, shamefully avoiding the confrontation. “Ya think ‘bout ‘er in all this? Tha’ what you lost, she lost too? Ya know feels like she lost you? Tha’ she don’ sleep much anymore, misses you like yer already gone, ‘cause ya might as well be … Ya still have ‘er, ‘ts sum’thin’ we can't say fer a lotta people, so quit actin’ like ya don't.”

A painful silence settled, clawing at the both of them as he pivoted away and focused out the dirtied glass plane ahead of him. The archer bit back further words, part of him regretting the harshness of such even though it felt required.

“Ya shouldn'tah come.”; brought Carol's sharper attention back, sparking meaner accusations and disclosures between them – predominantly on Daryl's part – regarding their situations.

She turned around, drifting fingertips over the structuring of the cabin's foundation and sniffling before muttering a few things more and trailing into the other room.

Tension hung heavy enough to keep it mostly quiet, even as they later parted ways while returning to Alexandria, forced through seeming trials; Daryl with his motorcycle, and Carol while attempting to cook.

Once he finally got that damn bike working and rode home, he stifled a chuckle at how the silver-haired woman stood there, disheveled appearance matching his own. The man appreciatively declined her offer for soup, exhausted from his troubles and preferring to just go lay down with Dog.

He followed the shepherd round the house to enter through the front door, watching the cheerful wagging of his tail as he padded across the hardwood and down steps to the basement.

Daryl readjusted his crossbows strap around his shoulder, brushing back his hair before descending. He picked up Carol's voice in the distance, sequenced by yours, and paused to shift his vision for just a quick glance; you perched against the kitchen counter, bowls on the surface, and for the first time in a while, a genuine smile on your face as the older woman came up beside you.

His own tugged the slightest bit at one side of his mouth, satisfied with the apparent reconnecting. He continued his action, setting his things down in his room before partially undressing and flopping back on that couch.

Even if his relationship with Carol remained rocky, granting some stability to yours was enough for him. That was worth it.

©corvidcrossbow 2024. I do not give permission for my works to be copied, modified or adapted to other platforms. My work may be translated only if asked and with proof of given consent.

[animatedjen]

I'm curious, how long does it usually take you to take a picture in Survior? You post quite a bit, so I'd honestly be very interested in hearing about your overall process if ur willing to share. What decides what picture u take? Do u ever use the lights? (I have the vaguest knowledge about how to light subjects and I just can't get it propely in my head, so I personally find that a bit difficult, tbh. Both irl and otherwise.) Do u do something w them outside of the in game photomode, aside from cropping? Do u ever consciously think about composition like the golden ratio or the 3x3 grid? Do you spend a lot of time setting them up or is it more spontaneous? I'd love to know just bc I find myself very fascinated by them and I'd like to know what goes into them (:

- @frunbuns

Love these questions @frunbuns! Though I do genuinely wonder if I'm posting too much sometimes 🫠 Both because A) I don't want to swamp the Jedi tags, and B) it probably means I'm playing Survivor instead of sleeping and that's... not helpful haha.

Answers under the cut!

What decides what picture u take? Do you spend a lot of time setting them up or is it more spontaneous? - Sometimes I'll have a very specific idea (like the Cal silhouette photo or these portraits of Bode) so everyone gets posed and lit very intentionally. But most photos are "discovered" while exploring the environments, watching different character animations, etc. I'm constantly pausing and zooming in with photomode to see what a moment looks like.

I want to make a video tutorial that walks through the entire process (because describing this stuff with words is a struggle) so let me know if you have any specific questions!

Deciding on a photo theme or goal is helpful though. If I want to take photos of Cal and Merrin fighting together, I'll obnoxiously follow Merrin around and make sure Cal is near her while attacking the Jedha patrols. There'll be a bunch of duds and a few cool moments (and a bit of electrocution, sorry Cal)

Do u ever use the lights? - Always! The lights make a huge difference in photomode, but I know they're tricky to use. I posted a mini tutorial on lighting recently, but it goes through general concepts rather than any technical how-to. Definitely want to break down the process more in a video tutorial.

Do u do something w them outside of the in game photomode, aside from cropping? - I'll edit my favorite photos by adding more contrast, either from the built-in phone app or a photo editing software. This ask has a good before/after example.

Do u ever consciously think about composition like the golden ratio or the 3x3 grid? - Sometimes! I've been in the photo/video industry for almost nine years (oof that makes me feel old) so a lot of that experience probably shows up in my photomode compositions. I like shooting IRL portraits with a telephoto lens, so these virtual portraits are almost always at 3x-4x zoom to mimic that look.

Hope some of this is helpful! Survivor's photomode is really fun and I love seeing how other people use it 🙌

[mikajihiko]

Love Waltz - English Translation This chapter of Given can be read by purchasing the Hiiragi Mix dvd, please buy the DVD if you can. No images outside the cover page and pages that Kizu-sensei herself have posted. Full credits to @gentleharu for the english translations!

M, in front of gate: It's hard to get in... A: Yo. A: Welcome to our university. M: Is it really okay to come in? A: It's fine, it's fine. Let's take a walk. A: The music department is a bit far, probably because of the noise. A: It's always so sudden with you, huh? It's hard to get a practice room this time of year. A: Mafuyu?

A: Whoa, looks like you're having fun. M: It's my first time seeing a university. A: Yeah? I bet the vibe is different from high school. A: There are a lot of information materials about events going on around here. Feel free to take any that catches your eye. M: This poster… Kaji-san, will you be performing at a concert here on campus? (A covers the poster) M: Eh… w-why? A: It's embarrassing… I'm just starting out… M: So you do concerts at university? I didn't know there are such things… M: Isn't it great thing to be chosen to perform? A: …yeah. M: I'll go with Uenoyama-kun and Haruki-san. A (entering the music room): We're coming in… A: I mean, why did you suddenly ask me to play an instrument? M: Um… A: Actually, why are you interested in classic music? M: …

A, seeing Mafuyu struggle: Ah, you don't have to answer… M: It's simply that… I like it… A: Aah… M: I wondered, since they don't have any lyrics, how they are able to match the emotion of a sad song or a love song. A: Ah, it's difficult to explain. In the first place, I'm not the type of guy who'd go “me, me, me” and keep on applying my own feelings to things. You can be taught how to make the sounds, but it's up to each person how they will express themselves. M, thinking: So that's how it is… A, on the piano: Ah. It's been a while so I might be rusty… M: Even if you make a mistake, I wouldn't know anyway. A: That's true… (Aki plays piano) A, in Mafuyu's thoughts: ‘I can only play the piano a little bit’ M, to himself: —was what he said… A: This is called Waltz No. 15. It's a piece of music but, when I play this piece, I remember staying up late with Haruki and wondering if we'd make it to school on time tomorrow. The glow of the TV light left on was beautiful… I am reminded of things like that. (Akihiko continues to play.)

H: Ah! That's a relief, I'm glad you're still here. H: EH!? What's this, Akihiko can even play piano!!? A: W-Wha— don't just come barging in! H: What the hell are you saying now? That aside, what can't you do!? M, thinking: O-Oh… my god A, in background: I can't play wind instruments— M: I just heard a confession of love. H: Mafuyu? Why do you look so flushed? M: ………..because Kaji-san’s piano playing was so incredible… H: Because Kaji-san's piano playing was so incredible…!?? M: …I think I like classical music after all. H: What!? What is going on here!?? M, thinking: I’m sure… I’m sure Haruki-san doesn't know about it. (The last part is tricky to format, but basically Mafuyu's full thought was, "Oh... my God. I just heard a love confession. And I'm sure... I'm sure Haruki-san doesn't even know.")

Please follow Kizu-sensei her on Twitter @/ kizu_ntk for Given related posts and @/ sskz_gsr for doujins and other personal events! Umi E has been released in cinemas last month, DVD will be out soon. Along with Given Stage 2 coming out later next year <3

[the-s1lly-corner]

How could each Evil Adult do in a dinner date?

dinner date w/ various knd villains

i dont usually take larger group posts buuuuuut i was already planning on writing something like this and this was the kick i needed to get to it LMAOAOAOAO!! happy to see people still requesting knd even if my writing for it has slowed down a bit!

characters: father, knightbrace, cuppa joe, stickybeard, spankulot, toiletnation

notes: reader is gn, established relationship, admin did his best to make everyone unique with their settings- hard given theyre all dinner dates!

cws: none

father

if should come as a surprise to absolutely no one that he would use the fact that he has access to money to spoil you- get ready to be taken to some high end place to eat! if you need an outfit he even offers to buy you something nice

all things considered, he does try to make the night as perfect as possible and hes quick to agitate if something comes up that can derail those plans- example being your typical knd antics or something else entirely

provided nothing happens, the night is... actually pretty nice..

he feels nice being able to spoil you, if he knows you cant afford your half of the bill hes willing to pay it off

wears a bowtie over his shadow suit thing, it.. looks a little funny because it looks like its just been glued on

the type to give flowers before a date to set a tone for the night

knightbrace

obviously hes going to make you brush after you both eat but thats not exactly part of the date, now is it? i mean he can try if he can find a way to make it romantic- side note if you struggle with general self care knightbrace is your man to hype you up

moving on

he does his best not to comment on your food choices- not in a body shaming way of course, hes just extremely uber hyperaware of whats going on with your teeth- hes got a bit of fixation that kind of boarders on obsession but thats another thing for another day

asides from that, hes actually pretty normal! he doesnt do fancy high end restaurant, hes more comfortable in spaces that are more casual...

splits the bill with you- you can have dessert, hes fine with not having any

if theres anything else hes obsessed with that isnt teeth, its time. he always makes sure hes on time to meet with you, likely a trait from his days as a dentist in training- got to be on time for appointments!

spankulot

he offers to let you meet up with him at his home- assuming he has one... i like to think he lives.. somewhere... whether it be a cave somewhere or in some old creepy manor! vampire stuff, you know?

does his best to put everything together so he can impress you

you can see him doing the hand shakey thing if you catch glimpses of him working on things before he sets the table... hes so eager to please you its adorable

fancy, but without the pressure of having to conform to others and their standards- you're in the comfort of a home!

tailors the meal to what you enjoy, he definitely keeps multiple cook books on hand! hes got recipes!

talking a mile a minute about his day as well as how hes happy you were able to make it for your date, and he listens to every word when you speak

very attentive partner who does everything for you, sweet man. blorbo

cuppa joe

you guys dont get to go on dates often due to him being out on his coffee rigs for... long periods of time..

i believe i mentioned in a different post somewhere the he does try to make up for lost time by absolutely spoiling you and smothering you in his love and attention

loaded as well, that coffee money PAYS! he can afford to take you to some fancy schmancy place, but thats not really his style

its a bit predictable, but he takes you to a cafe to get a drink and some treats. its far more casual than father or knightbrace's idea for a date, but you cant deny that the coziness offers you a comfortable atmosphere to catch up

makes sure you get the highest quality coffee, wouldnt be surprised if he was the one supplying the specific cafe you two were sitting in

tells you about all his findings out on the rig and asks you if youve been up to everything, he offers to take you with him the next time he has to go out

stickybeard

i can see him taking you to that candy bar he was at in the black licorice episode! hope youre ready to get some toothaches because there... isnt much options for actual food... actually now that you think about, have you ever seen your boyfriend eat actual food? sure he sometimes goes to the villain bbq, but-

night outs with stickybeard are always full of energy and laugh, he makes sure youre having a good time and hes ready to call it a night if youre getting tired or otherwise ready to put an end to the social event

insists you do most of the talking, he thinks your voice is the sweetest thing ever... pun intended!

does his best to take you out every week or two, definitely takes you out when he successfully carries out an evil plan to rob a child or a candy shop

date nights rarely end with dinner, expect him to have another activity planned afterwards! even if its just sailing around the suburbs in his ship!

toiletnator

he either prepares something at his place or yours- or he takes you out to eat somewhere

who needs to dress up and sit at some posh place when you can just catch a movie and then grab something quick to eat?

sure its not the most.. traditionally romantic... but the simplicity of it feels just as charming as the other characters nights in my opinion!

makes sure youre having fun- he can sometimes get carried away with the things he wants to do that night, but he can pull himself back if he notices you're not having as much fun as he had hoped you would

offers to pay for everything even if he cant afford it- i... doubt he makes a lot of money given that hes not a very successful villain..

[vincentpriceofficial]

ur post abt the vampires + making art YES SAY IT AGAIN to me personally the idea that “vampires can’t make good art” is so fundamentally flawed bc ok call me pretentious but i will now go down the rabbit hole of like. what is “good” art what is “bad” art what do those things even mean really. but aside from that are we really trying to argue that vampires fundamentally lack “humanity” and more essentially that some sort of “humanity” or “soul” or whatever is necessary to make “good” art ?? Think about what ur saying!! Louis’s relationship w photography did speak to me as a metaphor for his relationship to his “humanity” as that is one of his major struggles but crucially imo it has nothing 2 do w his actual “inherent” skills/creativity/ability; its all coming from his own head. like, the things that art critic says must be taken w a grain of salt for sooo many reasons lmao read the room. it’s not about any of what he says, it’s about Louis’s own insecurity. he’s impatient he’s eating his subjects etc. i think if anything Louis’s art may suffer because it is coming from a place of trying very hard to be something or perform something that he doesn’t quite believe in earnestly, deep down. again this is the vampire/human conflict he feels. Like, he wants to be of humanity so bad. but then he listens to people’s thoughts to determine when to take a picture. he can’t be of humanity bc he eats those people. Anyway. Sorry for ranting in yr inbox tldr this theory abt vampires being bad at art is I think a super flawed idea but the thing abt the photography IS inextricably linked to vampirism vs humanity but only bc that is Louis’s big conflict lol. like. of COURSE Louis of all ppl is focusing on all these reasons for why his photography must be bad.

Yeah no I agree also i can’t help but feel like if he stuck with it he might well have improved and found workarounds for the problems he was running into. Like it’s sort of a well known phenomenon at least in writing and drawing that when you first start being creative in a new medium you think everything you make is great because you’re excited about your ability to Make Something at all and the medium is new to you and you don’t have a very discerning eye yet. And as you continue working in that medium you’ll start to see flaws in your work and you’ll start to see that amateurishness of it and you’ll start to hate everything you do bc you’re actually becoming more well versed in the art form. And if you push through and continue to work on the skill and work on your weaknesses you will improve and start to like your own work again

I kind of feel like Louis hit that first “seeing flaws in your own work” thing and didn’t push through it partly bc like, plain and simple I think show Louis is every bit as chronically depressed as book Louis even if he hides it better and that makes it way harder to like, trust the process and keep working at something when it isn’t fun. And partly bc the person who told him his work wasn’t that good also told him that his real talent was in appraising and that fit with pre-existing notions he had about himself from his human life and his upbringing. So like A there was way more instant gratification dopamine hits from becoming an art dealer than becoming an artist himself and B he was like “yeah this makes perfect sense. Capital accumulation is what I’m good at it’s what I’ve always been good at”

[cina-full-moon-xanadium]

I've had this in my notes for a while now with no progress so I may as well post it. Build's legend rider gimmick was a really cool one of combining a pre-existing bottle that matched the Rider's theming with a new bottle that was VERY specific to the Rider's theming, but unfortunately they never did any Heisei 1s aside from Den-O and Decade and didn't even do Ichigo, which I especially found a shame for the show that was specifically getting back to Kamen Rider's roots... I feel if any show deserved an Ichigo legend rider item, it was Build

So! I decided to try and come up with a lot of them, but you can tell i ran into some stumbling blocks

Ichigo is an absolute no-brainer. A bike bottle exists which makes sense to use for The Kamen Rider, and then no grasshopper bottle exists so that's freed up for Ichigo too. The two most basic themes of the franchise for the first Rider, that's perfect to me

No Kuwagata bottle exists, but I figured with Kuuga being both the first Heisei Rider and mega popular I could probably make an exception and make up two bottles for him; like what W and Ex-Aid got. I went for Trychaser as the inorganic bottle as nothing else came to mind, but he DOES use it a lot (more than any other heisei main rider!) and it creates a nice mirror with Ichigo

Using Light from Agito was a sudden flash of inspiration for me. It's obviously a different 'light' that Agito is about than a lightbulb but it's cute and funny and that works for me when it comes to fullbottles. Humanity as the organic is the best i could come up with

Ryuki is the first thing I don't know what to do with. The obvious thing would be to use Dragon but it feels wrong to use the bottle of a main form, even if other existing legend rider combos use alternate forms. Grabbing Cross-Z's stuff is different than grabbing Gorillamond to me...

Faiz the obvious thing to do would be to use Smaphone but that's kind of already a Faiz homage as a whole with its combo being Smaphowolf. So I decided to go for the deeper pull and use Shark because that was apparently his original design concept so I combined that with a flip phone. You could probably use Wolf instead of Shark here come to think of it

Blade and Hibiki again I have no idea what to do. There's absolutely nothing relating to them in the existing bottles that I can think of

Kabuto is another no-brainer bc there's literally a Kabutomushi bottle. Inorganic was a bit of a struggle but in the end i figured ZECT wasn't a bad choice

Kiva was the first one I came up with bc again Bat existing makes it a no-brainer. Violin as the inorganic makes the most sense to me

I'm not going anywhere with this I just thought it was fun to come up with and I don't wanna keep it up in my notes tabs for another few months. Still bugging me I can't think of anything for Ryuki, Blade and Hibiki though...

[actualbird]

Hi Zak!

I just read your reply to drafts anon and it kinda helped me to understand What Is The Issue - there's a constant nagging at the back of my mind as I write 😞

I have tried to resist this urge, but I don't write long fics in one shot so every time I try to go back to it, I feel the Urge To Read so there's continuity... but 😭 it starts again.

I too hate revision but :/ can't help it lol

I have tried the solution with Beta Readers, but with that comes a mild pressure too - I feel like it's not yet ready for anyone else's eyes yet. Even if my beta reader is my biggest hypewoman 🏃‍♀️

Are there any other solutions that you can think of/know people use? I've tried timed writing (which kinda works the first 10 minutes before I go down another rabbit hole) but 🏃‍♀️

Taking this chance to tell you that your writing style has influenced me quite a bit - in a very good way! sometimes when I struggle to write a specific scene, I think of how my favourite authors (traditional and fanfic) would write this, and you're at the top few! It helps with the flow lol

- 🦦

irt this discussion and response to draft!anon's question of "how to stop revising along the way"

hey there, otter!anon :D

im glad the original response was able to help you Diagnose The Problem. thats always the first step to solving something: figuring out what the issue even is in the first place, down to the specifics.

alas, i dont know any other solutions/things thatve helped me that might help you, aside from the ones that i outlined in the original response. like i said, i dont struggle with this issue very much so i might not be the best person to ask for solutions for this ;-;

timed writing is a great one though, i totally forgot about that!! if it works for the first 10 minutes but you get derailed because you get distracted, i'd say youre next step to fortifying this option is by Eliminating All Distractions. i exit all my other tabs, i put my phone in another room, i blast music loudly and i try my best to get myself into The Zone.

i do timed writing sometimes.....ish. when i do it, what i do is that every hour, i screenshot my current wordcount and post it on twitter dot com. this is so that there are Eyes On Me and my progress, and this helps me feel more accountable with my progress without showing them any of the unedited writing. maybe that could help? you dont have to post your progress, but if you have a friend who doesnt mind getting a message every hour HAHA, u cld show them ur progress!! getting another person involved really helps motivate me

(also, im so honored my writing style could influence you, oh my gosh!! thank you so much for telling me that ;w;)

[benchwarming]

wrestling tag meme 2024

i watched a lot of old njpw/ddt with @sycamoretrees last year but wanted to try to keep this to stuff that actually happened in 2024. let's see how i do

(idk who follows me who's even into wrestling, so if this holds any appeal to u, please consider yourself tagged)

mvp/wrestler of the year

in 2024, ~ timeless ~ toni storm gave me everything i wanted: comedy, drama, actual storytelling with STAKES and GROWTH, and a wholly unselfconscious commitment to the bit. she perfectly teed up mariah's ascent, and best of all, she knew when to step aside and reinvent herself again instead of overstaying her welcome, unlike literally everyone else in wrestling!!!!!!

match of the year

beloved pal/wrestling guide @sycamoretrees crafted several "best of" programmes of slightly older (like post-2012) njpw and ddt matches for me and it felt like every single one we watched became my new favorite. the first set of her recs is here; cannot recommend more highly

favorite feud

swerve v hangman. like yes it's bc i am ferally horny for both of them BUT to be fair to me, they clearly want to dissect one another and crawl inside each other's skinsuits and then fuck about it, so in many ways i am simply following their lead. live footage of me whenever they even so much as muse aloud about each other:

favorite tag team/faction

bang bang gannnnng tho i desperately missed juice when he was out. that trio of misguided virgins NEEDS juice's balls-out mania to thrive

favorite show

went to aew grand slam with @sycamoretrees which was so good and fun. my first wrestling show omg 🥲 got to see so many of our guys, and also tony khan trying to hype up a crowd

breakout star

the beast mortos! i really struggle w masked guys (masks no-joke freak me out) but within like 5 seconds of seeing this hefty fella in-ring i was on board - his unexpected speed, something charismatic in his physicality, idk. also got to see him live at grand slam in a match that was definitely one of that evening's highlights

horniest moment

okay but like. what if i said it was this

most anticipated in 2025

def wanna watch more ddt. now THAT is a wrestling promotion.

[writing-by-lunalight]

A/N: I'll concede that I really rushed to get to the best parts here, but I think it's what would happen given the scenario. Sadists and Masochists don't grow on trees after all! I keep ending up doubling up chapters to post cause I have a habit of ending on fitting cliff hangers or scene transitions... So this may not end up as long as I hoped, yet I still have plans to continue work on this as I can. Thank you for your patience with my inconsistent uploading as well, as you may have seen on my main blog, things have been tough.

Chapter: 1/2/(3)/4/Coming Soon!

!!Trigger Warnings!!

Consensual: Nail Scratching, Blood, Bloodplay/tasting, Kissing

Non-Consensual: None

—————————————————

[O-oh! Hey, I almost forgot, you left this here yesterday.]

Picking it up from the other side of her, she held out my notebook to me, still covered in my scratch marks from the day prior.

[Oh I forgot as well, thank you!]

[I was envious, you know.]

[Huh? Of what?]

[Your notebook…has such nice scratches, part of me wished it was my skin haha.]

[Haven’t I hurt you enough already?]

[Haha you have no idea about the limits of my depravity, Mei-San, er I mean...]

She stopped speaking and looked away again, a wonder she could even blush as hard as she was, her hand a bit sweaty to my touch. Yet despite her arousal or embarrassment, whatever it may be, I too longed to see her pale skin marred. I checked my watch, noting that lunch period was almost over, but we still had some time.

[The same could be said of mine, Seiko-San…]

I could feel the warmth snaking up my face as well as I struggled to find the words, tightening my grip on her hand.

[…w-would you let me scratch you?]

[Mei-San I- you don’t have to do that, I still feel a little bad for pushing you so far yesterday.]

Releasing her hand, I pushed down her knee, straddling and sitting onto her lap.

[I asked, may I scratch you, Sei-Chan?]

[Sei…Chan?]

She seemed to be bubbling over with excitement, Sei-Chan was a fitting nickname with the adorable way she couldn’t hide her emotions - a nickname for just us that is.

[Come on, you’re a delinquent, but can’t you use your words for me?]

I couldn’t tell where my confidence and actions were coming from, surely out of things I’d seen online, things I never thought I'd be able to say aloud.

[P-please, scratch my skin, Mei-San…]

She loosened her tie, undid the top few buttons of her shirt, and though I didn’t understand I watched with finely focused interest. I’d never thought of this as being related to intimacy for me, yet as I sat here gazing at this girl feverishly prepare for me to hurt her - I felt the closest to my true self I ever have.

[H-here is good, so no one has to see it…]

[Smart…you’re such a good girl, Sei-Chan.]

She had pulled aside part of her shirt, exposing her shoulder and top hem of her sporty bra. Her whole body seemed to tremble with anticipation, her eyes forced shut, either of fear or embarrassment. I placed one hand on the side of her face, and readied my long nails against the pale skin of her shoulder, leaning in close enough for the sides of our faces to touch as I spoke directly into her ear.

[You’re positive - that you want this Seiko-San? I can always stop.]

[Thank you, but I do want this, please Mei-San…ahAH-mmph.]

Her confirmation was all I needed, and I dragged my nails forcefully down her skin. Carving into her, a bit of blood bubbled to the surface in my wake, she moaned softly then nearly screamed before I managed to get my hand over her mouth. I grinned madly as she whimpered helplessly into my hand, her own hands gripping my skirt and side for comfort. It was a mere instant, yet it felt like eternity - to both of us, lost in a symphony of pain and pleasure flowing as one.

I slowly removed my hand from her mouth, her whimpering moans much softer now.

[Are you alright? Was that okay?]

Her breathing was heavy as she slowly started to come down from the adrenaline, then she nodded hurriedly before letting her head fall back to rest against the fence.

Looking at the small amount of blood pooling at the four slashes into her skin, I felt something begin to come over me. It was a heat that crawled up from my core, and I looked back at her sweaty exasperated face, unable to keep from admiring how beautiful she looked. Gripping the small of her waist and side of her face again for comfort, she once more relaxed into my touch as I leaned down. 

Blood. It had always been a complicated thing to see, on one hand it caused panic because someone had to hurt to produce it. Yet here, where it emerged from such pleasure, I was enraptured by it and my body seemed to act on its own. Seiko-San gasped as she felt my tongue lap the blood from her cuts, the taste was warm and metallic, reminding me that her blood was just the same as anyone else's regardless of her genes. I pulled away and must’ve looked terrifying, smiling serenely at Seiko-San with her blood trickling from the side of my mouth, yet she just - smiled back warmly. 

Did she really feel so safe with me despite what I did to her? Just how accepting can you get exactly? I’m hurting her, yet she looks at me like I’m the only thing on her mind when she does, I can’t take it. I hope she can forgive me again, cause I need to do this. 

Taking her face in both my hands, I kissed her, causing her to gasp once more then moan softly against my lips. 

She pulled me in closer and I gripped her face tighter still. Seiko-San’s lips were dry and cracked, likely from anxious lip licking, but I quickly remedied it with licking of my own. I had spread her blood between our mouths, and she opened hers to invite my tongue, as it tentatively sought out her own. They swirled together before I pulled away, kissing her lips again and again, our tongues often meeting in between. 

Between kisses we’d smile into them occasionally, even giggling at times, and it felt like heaven on earth. To think that I’d found someone who not only understands me, but someone I’d share my first kiss with as well, what else would come from being by Seiko-San’s side?

Suddenly, we heard the door to the roof slam shut and froze, someone…had seen us.

—————————————————

[Don’t panic.]

Seiko-San had read the terror on my face, and I turned back to her from looking at the shut door, clearly still distraught as she frowned. Suddenly, she pulled me close into a hug, curling her fingers through my hair.

[I know how important your secret is to you, I’ll find out who saw and talk to them, I promise.]

[...But-]

[But nothing, I will protect you from getting found out, Mei-San.]

It felt so hopeless, like people could be telling my whole class as we speak, I could be getting reported and they could be preparing to expel me from school for assaulting a student. Consensual or not, there's no way they’d believe Seiko-San wanted that, no matter what she said. Yet nonetheless, I felt a simple calm flow over me while in her arms, I believed she would do it.

[Alright…I trust you, we’ll figure this out. What are you going to do?]

[Good, it’s important to stay calm, I think I have an idea of who it was anyways. I caught a glimpse, but I don’t want to say anything till I know for sure…]

[What should I do? I want to help.]

She released her grip on me and my body reluctantly left the embrace, though her hands moved to my shoulders, dusting me off.

[Lunch period is about over, so you should get back to class, I’m going to go talk to Kimura-Sensei.]

[How come?]

[I’m usually all alone up here everyday, I don’t think students even know they can come up here, so I think whoever it was found out where we were from her.]

[Oh that makes sense, you’re amazing Seiko-San!]

[Well, you can give me all the praise you like when I actually find out who it is. For your sake, it’s probably better if we don’t talk again today, unless you want to add each other on Line.]

[Oh! Yeah we should do that!]

[I’m glad to hear I haven’t scared you off yet Mei-San.]

She smiled warmly and I got up off her to pull out my phone from my pocket, exchanging our info in seconds. Seiko-San then got to her feat, buttoning her shirt once more, the cuts already faint on the skin as she closed it. 

[What did you mean by scare me off, I said I liked you too didn’t I? You’re the one who should be scared of me!]

[Oh, I’m terrified of you, I just like being made scared.]

[Huh??]

[In the best of ways, it’s complicated. I still like you so much Mei-San, don’t worry.]

She winked with a smile and then escorted me to the door while fixing her hair.

That’s what she said but…

[the-clay-quarters]

Estival 2024: The Sixth Coil, blorbo edition

I keep thinking of so many ways my ocs are interacting with the event and details that are unique to them, so... Since I'm highly unlikely to actually write a fic or anything with this, tumblr post it is!

Currently* this is a lot of just stream of though writing so I'm not sure if it makes sense, I may end up fixing it up later but idk.Its probably going to be edited regularly and end up really long, this is your warning.

*currently currently, I am writing this past 2am and it probably makes even less sense. I forgot like all the npc names. it includes so many asides and a tangent wondering how silv would sit on the floor. I so tired man

Day 1, Thurs

Set up and intro to the event, arrival of the tiger group that I can never remember the name of

Silv is part of the group that's setting up the event and was hired in advance, so he new the speech was coming. Pem knew on account of Silv and also convinced him to actually come see it. Vin found out with everybody else, was at the uni at the time (when are they not) and turned up with a bunch of other students. Silv and Pem have both been to coil 4 (fuck the dilmun club dude I still need to do that for coil 5), Vin wasn't even aware there were tigers in the city.

Silv stayed back while Pem (Theo) went to the front. Vin broke off from the uni group when they saw Silv and stayed with him instead. Vin has no idea what's happening and is confused as fuck. Silv is apathetic, Pem is excited, Vin is cautious, as to be expected.

This is a complete tangent but I am so struggling to imagine Silv sitting on the floor. How do you sir on the floor with his insistence on posture and rigidity. He could sit on his legs n kinda kneel but that would look weird on him. Would he suit cross legged?? How else can you sit on the floor. Legs out? Can people do that without leaning back?? Uh. That's like it girl help. Vin sits leaning on him tho <3

At this point, Silv leaves to go work and will be mostly busy for the next few days, occasionally available if the other two come bother him. Now, Pem and Vin are left to go journalism work forrrrr name I forgot. Labyrinth first, Pem goes in to bother the tiger keeper and Southwark while Vin stays outside with their lack of entry rights. Vin talks to Silv and the other clay men around and gets the bit about the? dirt? being weird? Silv buddy since when can you talk to dirt.

After that, they go to the side streets but Vin suggests seeing Sherlock the detective. Pem has 0 faith in the man but sure whatever it's on the way. Anyway to the side streets, Vin feels really weird about being here bcus they are Not a PoSI yet but Pem is dragging them along so okay. She ends up talking to basically everyone before managing to get something useful from the law firm.

They weren't planning on seeing Mr Inch (I feel like he moves around enough that he's impossible to find unless you have a meeting) but they run into him while going past the docks on the way back tooooo is it veilgarden idk. Pem has a nice chat w Mr Inch while Vin is lost but also ":O zoologist!"

Anyway back to the reporter then they're fine for the day.

Sike, there's more tigers. Pem sees them in the street and watches the entourage(?) go by. Vin doesn't see it but hears about it after.

Current status: Silv is busy having a job, Pem is hyped and can't wait to participate, Vin is still kinda lost and mostly just worried

good night and good luck to tomorrow me on fixing this o7

[moodr1ng]

re last post while im being chatty (sleeping pills do that to me): i have a kinda strange relationship w my knuckle tattoos. when i was 17 i was in a pretty rough spot in life. though i wasnt in The Absolute Worst Years, things werent going great on pretty much any front. i was failing out of school at the time, i saw no future for myself, i felt like i had fucked up all my options beyond any redemption. i lived in a "bad neighborhood", in a social housing apartment where i shared the one bedroom with my sister and my mom slept in the living room. i had like, two irl friends and one of those friendships was quite toxic and codependent. my mental health was abysmal and my parents were at the end of their rope with what to do with me. nobody even believed id manage to graduate high school anymore. i had no money except what i could glean from art commissions on tumblr and whatnot. i was perpetually broke and so were my friends (we shoplifted quite a bit at that time). i always knew my mom and i didnt exactly have much money but i was really feeling it then, and more than that, i felt like this prophecy was hanging over my head, that i would too end up like my parents: an underpaid worker in a shit job with seemingly no upsides or ways to move forward.

yet i had an inkling that one day i might get out of this; that i might one day escape this and 'rise above my station', 'make it' in some way. i pictured myself as someone who did make it: an older version of me, who i pictured very clean-cut and acceptable-looking, maybe wearing a suit or something. i hated that version of me; the sellout. i looked at that future me and thought: dont you dare forget about me. dont you dare forget about all of us here - not just my family but everyone i loved, and the people in the same neighborhoods and the same situation. i guess it was a moment of class awareness and solidarity. i thought: ill never let myself become a clean-cut, law-abiding, middle class sycophant who looks down on people like me.

so i got commission money for the cheapest tattoo machine i could get, some $50 crappy machine i got off ebay that came with needles and inks, and i sat at my kitchen table one afternoon with an internet friend on a skype call and tattooed my own knuckles - right hand tattooed with the left hand and all. i chose "DIRT POOR". i thought: there. not only can i see it, everyone can. i can rise up as much as i can in the world. but there will always be this neon sign on my hand that says: i came from here.

and i stuck with that for a very long time. i loved those tattoos. when i stopped loving them (because theyre kinda ugly, and i dont like explaining them to people, etc) i still loved the meaning behind them.

but then i actually 'made it'. i mean, not really. i didnt truly make it. i dont have a job, my main income is disability benefits, but im blessed that i also have my etsy shop and a roommate who helps with rent and a very cheap apartment, all of which means i have an income thats almost minimum wage and benefit from a lot of government aid, and through that ive set aside sizeable savings. i dont have to worry about paying for my food or home or clothes or other necessities, and i can go for drinks with friends or order takeout or buy myself little eccentricities just because i want to. i certainly didnt turn out clean-cut and proper in a suit, but i got to a place that 17 year old tattooing himself on a dirty kitchen table thought hed never get to.

and now that im here the tattoos feel.. silly. shameful. the people who ask me about them are most often panhandlers - and when i translate what it means to them i feel like such a poser. like, dirt poor? really? but im not dirt poor. im doing fine. if i dont get into the extensive backstory of the tattoos every time, i just.. look like someone trying to look rougher than i am. i feel like im appropriating a struggle that is no longer mine. and i dont even like the tattoos anymore and havent for a long time, and now the message itself doesnt feel worth having them.

like id forget where i come from if i didnt have it etched in my hands? like i even needed that reminder anyway? in the end, i got these because i didnt trust myself - because i thought my class solidarity was disingenuous, opportunistic, based only in my current circumstances. but ill never forget how i grew up. the message is already in me. i never needed a reminder. my past will always be a part of me.

so, anyway, ive been thinking of getting the tattoos lasered off. im far from being sure i wanna do it, though almost only because of the price, but ive been considering it often. i still feel a bit like its a betrayal of my 17 yo self. but then again, i think if he saw me now, 10 years older and in the position im in now, hed probably get it. hed see i havent really changed, not in the important ways. i think in the same way i need to forgive my past selves, maybe they too need to forgive me for moving on from them. so i really might get the laser, if not soon, then someday.

if i do, ill still have other hand and finger tattoos, so it wouldnt change much if i get new knuckle ones. if that does come to pass - im thinking "GOOD LUCK" this time.

[lovesongbracket]

Reminder: Vote based on the song, not the artist or specific recording! The tracks referenced are the original artist, aside from a few rare cases where a cover is the most widely known.

Lyrics, videos, info, and notable covers under the cut. (Spotify playlist available in pinned post)

Accidentally in Love

Written By: Adam Duritz, Dan Vickrey, David Bryson, David Immergluck & Matthew Malley

Artist: Counting Crows

Released: 2004

“I was really struggling with it. I generally don’t write songs on demand, and I almost got to the point where I thought I wasn’t going to do it. They just told me that the song had to be uplifting. They actually said, ‘Don’t write a song about Shrek. Write a song that’s about you.’ The funny thing is, the song ended up reflecting a lot of what was going on in my life at the time: falling in love with someone you’re not supposed to fall in love with because it’s inconvenient. My songs for Counting Crows are mature and generally don’t get a chance to reach kids. To be part of something like that is pretty cool.” – Adam Duritz via Billboard

[Verse 1] So, she said, "What's the problem, baby?" What's the problem? I don't know Well, maybe I'm in love (Love) Think about it Every time I think about it Can't stop thinking 'bout it How much longer will it take to cure this? Just to cure it, 'cause I can't ignore it if it's love (Love) Makes me wanna turn around and face me But I don't know nothin' 'bout love, uh [Chorus] Come on, come on Turn a little faster Come on, come on The world will follow after Come on, come on Because everybody's after love [Verse 2] So I said, I'm a snowball runnin' Runnin' down into the spring that's comin' All this love meltin' under blue skies Belting out sunlight, shimmering love Well, baby, I surrender To this strawberry ice cream Never-ever-ender All this love Well, I didn't mean to do it But there's no escaping your love, oh [Bridge] These lines of lightnin' mean we're never alone Never alone No, no [Chorus] Come on, come on Move a little closer Come on, come on I wanna hear you whisper Come on, come on Settle down inside my love, ohh Come on, come on Jump a little higher Come on, come on If you feel a little lighter Come on, come on We were once upon a time in love [Post-Chorus] We're accidentally in love, accidentally in love Accidentally in love, accidentally in love Accidentally in love, accidentally in love Accidentally in love, accidentally in love Accidentally, I'm in love, I'm in love [Refrain] I'm in love, I'm in love I'm in love, I'm in love Accidentally, I'm in love, I'm in love I'm in love, I'm in love I'm in love, I'm in love Accidentally [Chorus] Come on, come on (Come on) Spin a little tighter Come on, come on (Come on) And the world's a little brighter Come on, come on (Come on) Just get yourself inside her love I'm in love

Washing Machine Heart

Written By: Mitski

Artist: Mitski

Released: 2018

“Washing Machine Heart”, the twelfth track off Be the Cowboy, is sonically upbeat, but lyrically explores the “manic” nature of Mitski’s protagonist, who, in her words: “…is a person who’s in me. It’s just I’m not this person all the time. It’s this woman who feels powerless and overcompensates by exercising extreme control on herself and on her environment, and just trying to be powerful within her own limits of her body and who she is, but kind of just unraveling a little bit because the amount of control she’s exercising on to herself maybe isn’t healthy or isn’t natural. There’s something more warm and human inside that she’s pushing down in order to appear strong to the world." The heavy backbeat in the track may represent the clatter of a washing machine and how it parallels the feverish thrum of Mitski (or her protagonist)’s heart.

[Verse 1] Toss your dirty shoes in my washing machine heart Baby, bang it up inside I'm not wearing my usual lipstick I thought maybe we would kiss tonight [Pre-Chorus] Baby, will you kiss me already? And toss your dirty shoes in my washing machine heart Baby, bang it up inside [Instrumental Chorus] [Verse 2] Baby, though I've closed my eyes I know who you pretend I am I know who you pretend I am [Bridge] But, do-mi-ti Why not me? Why not me? Do-mi-ti Why not me? Why not me? [Chorus] Do-mi-ti Why not me? Why not me?

[formulinos]

hello. i actually have something serious to talk this time.

as some of you might know, i’ve been working on a piece i call “the elusive hyperfixation corner” as a sort of working title - i don’t really want to discuss what it is about until i post it. i started researching and developing the concept back in may 2021, which means that in 2 months time i’ll complete two years working on it.

logically, i didn’t devote myself full time to it: i’ve moved to france in the meantime and studying/working here demands way more time than back at home. i’ve also had several health struggles i’ve talked about before (special shout out to covid last year, didn’t kill me but surely made me wish i was dead!) and family issues that i had to navigate while being in a whole different hemisphere. all of that means i didn’t have a lot of time available for starters, and occasionally i had other ideas that were more viable to work on because they didn’t demand as much time. take the last HC for example, i read capitalist realism in roughly a week while taking notes and then completed the whole thing in three days. anyway.

this doesn’t mean, however, that i’ve set it completely aside. on the contrary, i frequently went back on the notes and time actually gave me perspective on what was missing, and this is the point i wanted to get at: i felt my amount of source material was pretty scarce. mind you, when i first started writing it properly, i had already done a chunk of work i’d say is similar to the 1982 championship series (if any of the guys who i did talk about it in detail want to correct me on this, feel free to!). but i constantly remembered other places i could go and books i needed to fetch to find maybe a bit or a piece that could fit into the text.

it got to the point where i needed to stop myself because it’s akin to self-harm, truly. it doesn’t feel good, i got paranoid thinking there is stuff missing and i lose out on days that i could be working on writing because i’m reading or watching stuff that will translate in barely a line of the final product. the result is that i got over 18k words just in notes plus two parts out of five theoretically written, but i’m not satisfied at all with them, so i’ve decided i’ll rewrite what feels wrong. i haven’t stopped checking content entirely since there are some videos i need to go through so that i can gif stuff, etc. but this is legit where i’m halting this part of the process. i hope you can forgive me if it still feels like i wasn’t in depth enough.

i wanted to have posted this so, so much before. there was a specific date that really crushed me not having anything to deliver to you - you’ll understand when i post it. ideally, i’ll be able to turn it in before the summer break, but this might as well go all the way to december since i’ll have to wrap up my interniship and move back home in july/august and my whole month of may is pretty full too (i’m taking a girls trip for monaco e-prix, then my family will come to france and i’m thinking about surprising them w a short stay in london, and i’ll go to berlin at the end of the month. oh! and arctic monkeys concert somewhere in between).

i feel like george r r martin talking about the winds of winter here, but i do think it’s important to give the three of you that care a small update on how things are going. please wish me luck! i promise i’m working hard and hopefully the result will please you. cheers and forza ferrari.