#not putting this in the tags because i'm kinda just spilling my thoughts onto a post

[mla0]

i hate when people portray michael and/or patrick as some kind of master manipulator who was terrible to shaun and stormy. like, in the past, michael sometimes got portrayed with little autonomy, or as childish and overly innocent in a weird way. that in itself is an issue with the treatment of mentally ill characters (infantilization), but the solution isn't to argue that he's actually a monster who only wanted to hurt and mislead people. the same goes for patrick. i don't enjoy the "goofy flirty mass murderer" interpretation for very similar reasons, because in the canon patrick did indeed do some wild shit but i think it's a stretch to say it was out of malice, except maybe towards eric lol

obviously there will be different views of these characters and this isn't meant to be gatekeep-y or anything, i'm just concerned with how certain portrayals can quickly slide into negative biases towards mental illness. i think if you're going on this route you might want to ask yourself why, and consider how it could make the mentally ill people within the fandom feel when they see their own symptoms portrayed by their peers as synonymous with being dishonest or manipulative

[radioisntdead]

Partner in crime

Alastor x gn! reader

Warnings: OOC, death, inaccurate portrayal of getting shot

Song used

You and Alastor had known each other for years, you were close childhood friends at least you thought you were,

You remember your mothers calling the two of you a couple of peas in a pod, or partners in crime,

It was funny, who would've thought the two of you would actually become partners in crime.

Maybe if you didn't have an unhealthy codependency on Alastor you wouldn't had ended up like you did.

When you're gone I feel alone again

You scrubbed away at the floor, cleaning away any remnant of the blood that was spilled that evening, Alastor had gone to bury the remains of the poor man he had slaughtered.

The voices cannot hold my hand

You would lure them in, you were good at lulling others into a false sense of security,

They keep me company at very best

and he'd kill them when they least expected it, sometimes you felt guilty but Alastor would be quick to convince you that your guilt was unnecessary, that the people whose lives the two of you stole away deserved it.

Distract me from my loneliness

They did deserve it right?

Maybe I'm just an anomaly

You continued scrubbing the floor clean, but no matter how hard you scrubbed you could never wash away the fact that someone had died there

Even my demons have their families

You wondered how their families reacted to their loved ones death, were they mournful, were they joyful? Did they not care? Did they even notice?

Truly something must be wrong with me

Would anyone notice if you died? Besides Alastor you didn't have many friends, sure you were kinda friends with Mimzy but that was only because of Alastor, and your family, well, let's not talk about that.

You really didn't have anyone but Alastor, and you were alright with that, if you had Alastor the rest of the world could burn for all you cared.

To need you as much as I do

You heard the door open, you hurriedly dropped the towel into the bucket of now cold water, grabbing another rag you wiped away the remaining liquid.

I was never meant to win

You smiled up at Alastor from the ground.

I was never meant to win

"Welcome back Alastor!"

I was never meant to win

Codependency is truly more harmful then people give it credit for.

You'd sacrifice anything, anyone just to remain by Alastor's side, just to see him smile which he did often.

Here's the reigns

You had done this who knows how many times,

Take ahold of me

Lure them in, hand over to Alastor and then clean up the aftermath while he hid the corpse.

Please don't let me go

You didn't change the routine by much, there wasn't much of a mess this time so Alastor asked that you tag along with him this time.

You do the talking

You held the lantern lighting his area as he dug a deep grave, wouldn't want the body resurfacing anytime soon right?

Sew up my mouth if I can't keep it closed

You whispered something to him before he climbed out of the hallow grave getting ready to put the poor soul he had mercilessly killed in it.

There's a dog barking right around the block

He had just gotten done burying the corpse, you were sat comfortably on the ground with the lantern in your lap, he reached out his hand to help you up.

You both froze when you heard the unmistakeable sound of dogs barking.

And a big ol' whistle blow

Alastor looked at you and you looked back at him, you quickly took his hand to pull yourself up, lantern in your free hand.

Run for it

The two of you ran, you could faintly hear the leaves crunching underneath your feet, the cold night wind stinging your face.

I'll keep em occupied for you

The barking got louder, and you tripped over a tree root, lantern falling onto the grass the candle inside falling just at the right angle to extinguish leaving you in the darkness, the only light coming from the moon and stars above.

Alastor kept running, did he know you fell? He wouldn't abandon you right?

Cause I love you, I love you so

You got up, not bothering to dust yourself off you continued running, you couldn't see Alastor.

Left me hangin at the station

You heard shouting.

Where was Alastor? Did he notice you were missing yet?

But you'll be back for me soon

You saw a glimpse of light.

I'm 'bout to die

You didn't even have time to make a noise as a gunshot was fired into your chest, you fell to the ground.

Where was Alastor? Did he get away? Or was he shot down like you were?

Yet the only thing I find i'm worried about is you

You shakily put a hand to the place where the bullet had just entered you, honestly it didn't hurt as much as you thought it would.

Something tells me you aren't coming

Your vision began to become blurry, was it the blood loss? You didn't think you'd die that quickly,

Would you get to see Alastor one last time?

Guess that I'm truly doomed

Alastor didn't notice you were gone did he? Or maybe he did? Did you really think a future cannibal, present serial killer like Alastor would come back for you? You were a liability.

I'm 'bout to die

It was funny, you knew what kind of person he was and you still held out hope that he wouldn't abandon you.

Yet the only thing I find I'm worried about is you

You still held out hope even as your blood covered the forest ground.

Tears swelled up in your eyes as you gazed up at the night sky,

You wondered if Alastor was looking up at the sky too, maybe he had gotten home already?

I'm 'bout to die

It was a good night to die, the last sight you'd see would be the star filled night sky.

Yet the thing on my mind seems to nearly be nothing but you

Alastor let out a string of French words as he turned around to go fetch you, hoping that you weren't too far behind.

I overhear your brain when it's close to mine

Branches and leaves crunched under his shoes as he sped through the woods.

Oh, I know that we're not the same

Your hope that he'd come back for you was slowly dwindling, the voices from before had disappeared, maybe they had fled, maybe they didn't know what they did, or maybe they just didn't care.

My heart's on the line

Alastor stopped by a tree for a moment to catch his breath, the only source of light was the moon and stars above.

I'm just a pawn in your game

To Alastor you were a expendable friend.

Not your partner in crime

In all reality though, To Alastor you were everything, he'd go through hell and back if you asked, he'd take down the most ruthless of people if it'd make you smile.

And you're slowly killing me

You felt tired, you wanted to close your eyes but you fought to keep them open.

You didn't want to die.

Taking your time

Alastor continued running, soon enough he stumbled upon you.

You're slowly killing me, taking your time

With red soaked clothing you laid limp on the ground.

You're slowly killing me

"[Name]? Mon étoile?"

Taking your- I was never meant to win

You smiled as you heard Alastor's voice.

You're slowly killing me

You didn't know if you were imagining it or if he really came back for you,

Maybe it was a last act of comfort given to you before you died.

Taking your- I was never meant to win

Alastor leaned down beside you, he gently put a hand on your cheek.

You're slowly killing me

You smiled at him, just barely being able to mutter an "Alastor."

And yet I don't mind You were never meant to win

You couldn't keep your eyes open anymore.

You're slowly killing me,

The last thing you saw was Alastor, and the last thing you heard was another gunshot.

But please take your time

At least the two of you would be reunited soon enough.

Good evening folks! Originally I was supposed to post the murder Valentino with JoJo Siwa playing in the background fic today but I hit a slump with the ending and plus I think may have eaten something unfortunate because I feel sick so uh, BACK TO BACK ANGST Y'ALL, ALASTOR TODAY, TV MAN TOMORROW!

[nyxnightshade7656]

Hooked(Pt2)

I'll be honest. I have no idea where this is all really going. But it's fun to write. Hope you guys enjoy, any ideas/constructive criticism, by all means. Help. Also, prerequisite "I don't speak Cajun or French" and I'm sorry if Google Translate makes you mad, but it's kinda all I got. Writing in accents is hard, despite speaking with a deep southern drawl my whole life XD And if ya wanna be tagged, I guess let me know? I think I'm doing it right.

She sighed and made her way back to her window, which was a little more difficult to find in the dark. Then she just stared up at it for a long moment. She had not thought this through, clearly. From the ground to the window was a five-foot gap. There was nothing to really put her fingers or toes into for grip, curse the perfect maintenance on the building. And she hadn’t thought to just drop a rope, of which there was a disturbing amount to be found, or something similar to be able to climb up. And with her phone dead, she couldn’t exactly ‘phone a friend’ for assistance. She rubbed her hands over her face in annoyance at herself.

Just as she was about to give up and turn back to the forest, it wouldn’t have been the first time sleeping in a tree, a voice called down from above, “Now, Petite, what’chu doin’ out here, huh? Gon’ an’ gotcha self locked out? Good thin’ Ol’ Gambit was out patrollin’. Lemme help ya up.” She looked up, eyes wide, to see Gambit looking out the window above her own. He had a smile on his face and looked like the cat that had gotten the canary. Which was to say, entirely too pleased with himself.

Normally she would deny help, just because she hated to bother other people with her problems, but this time she was willing to make an exception. She just nodded. Gambit smiled again, “Hang tight, be down in a jiff.” Then he was gone from the window and she was left with her thoughts. Thankfully, he didn’t leave her outside for long. Soon enough, he was walking up to her.

“So, how’d ya en’ up ou’ere, huh? We all thought you was hol’up in yer room.” He said with a grin as he motioned back the direction he had come from. No doubt, the front doors. She sighed as she turned to follow him, but not before she glanced up towards her window one last time. Gambit caught her glance easily and followed her gaze. It didn’t take much for him to put two and two together, “Ah, jumped out t’window, hm? Cleaver. T’oh a good teif knows to leave a proper ‘scape route. Or return route in dis case. Why not call’er text ta be let back in?”

She grabbed her phone out of her back pocket, showed him the dark screen, then drew her finger across her throat in the universal sign for ‘dead’. He shook his head, “I see. Well, guess you lucked out wit me bein’ a night owl, huh Petite?” She nodded, just once, and gave him a grateful look. Because he had saved her, even if it was just from a minor inconvenience of having to find a tree to sleep in for the night.

His emotions tasted like cinnamon, vanilla and bourbon on her tongue. Warm, soothing, and with a slight spice. Comfort, care, curiosity, and something light and airy that she couldn’t put a name to. She couldn’t read minds like Xavier or Jean, though she had heard even if she could it would be pointless since Gambit seemed to be able to counteract telepaths. She hadn’t gotten the details on the how, just overheard that he could. But whatever it was that enabled him to escape a telepath’s abilities didn’t seem to help him escape her Empathic abilities, because his emotions were like an open book to her.

They made it to the front doors; that Gambit had left propped open which allowed a warm inviting light spilling onto the stone steps from inside. Not many people realized it, but it wasn’t just living creatures that could have emotions. Wood and stone held residual emotion, particularly strong ones. She could feel the emotions that had seeped into the wood and stone of the mansion over the years of it being occupied. It was yet one more reason why she would hide away or try to escape as much as possible. Her first day in the mansion had nearly driven her to insanity before Xavier had managed to place a temporary shield around her mind to help dull the intensity. Now she was able to create her own mental shields that were almost as strong. Still not enough to be normal, but better.

 “Here ya’re Petite, even left th’ light on for ya.” Gambit teased. The playful teasing tone of his voice perfectly matched the happy-joy-warm-citrusy taste of his emotions. They were so strong that she could feel her own lips pulling into a smile against her will. And of course, he picked up on her smile instantly, “Aww, dat fer me? Should smile more, looks good on ya.” He stepped to the side and, as if he were a prince from a fairy tale, bowed with his arms motioning towards the door, “After you, Chaton.”

She shook her head, unable to stop the smile that seemed almost permanently etched on her face, and stepped inside the mansion. Once inside, she closed her eyes and took a breath. It was something she had to do anytime she walked into a place not one hundred percent her own. She allowed the emotions to flow through her, hateangerfearlovejoypeaceexcitementconcernprotectiveness; but she did not hold on to them. She processed the feelings, acknowledged them, and then released them back into the room. It was the only way she could maintain her sanity.

She nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt a hand on her shoulder, “Ya alrigh’? Ya always quiet, but rarely ever see ya be still as death.” Concern, worry, anxiety; it all tasted like the bitter pith of citrus. She hated it instantly. She shook her head and forced a smile. She had taught herself ASL years ago, about two years after her Siren Song had reared its ugly head and all but forced her to be Mute. But she had learned that nearly no one knew ASL unless they had a loved one that was Mute or Deaf. Which, in turn, relegated her to notebooks or her phone’s talk-to-speech function. Her phone was dead, and she was clearly without a notebook, so that left her with the world’s worst rendition of charades as her only option of communication. So for now, she just went with a simple, unmistakable, hand sign. She held her pinky, ring, and middle fingers up; while her thumb and pointer made a circle. The universal sign for ‘Ok’, followed by pointing to herself.

Gambit chuckled, “One’a dees days, gonna hear that voice a’yers. But alrigh’, you’re good. I hear ya, loud and clear Petite. I’ll walk ya t’yer room.” Before she could physically protest, he placed his hand on her lower back and started to guide her. His emotions made it clear that he didn’t think she couldn’t take care of herself, which she would have taken immediate offense to, but he still felt protective. Curious, and was that affection? She bit her lip, suddenly shy and unsure of herself. She wasn’t sure what to make of those emotions.

“Here ya’re Petite. How’s ‘bout you head on in and get some shuteye, yeah?” He waited until she had opened her door and stepped over the threshold before he leaned into her space, crowding her against the doorway, yet leaving her a clear escape if she so chose, “And Petite? I happen ta be fond of chats. Da kitten ya made Stormy was cute. Still waitin’ fer my lil’ surprise.” He pressed the words against the shell of her ear, making her heartrate kick into triple time. And when he pressed a fleeting; barely there to the point of making her think she might have imaged it, kiss against her jaw, just under her ear, she almost felt like the world as a whole had come to a screeching halt.

He leaned back and gave her a playful wink and casual wave, “Fais de beaux rêves, Petite. Sweet dreams.” And like that, he was gone. And she was left to try and figure out if she had imagined everything that had happened, or if it had been real.

[sheirukitriesfandom]

Summer Reading/Writing/Arting Tag

@thequeenofthewinter (and I think domeone else too but there's nothing in my notifications 🤔) tagged me a while back but because I have a whole bunch of shit going on irl I've been feeling rather "socially drained" and putting all my free time into Italian and ESO.

So sorry for the wait 😅.

Tagging: @elavoria @skyrim-forever @alma-amentet @katastronoot @miraakulous-cloud-district @dirty-bosmer

1) Describe one creative WIP project you’re planning to work on over the summer.

I hope I'll finally finish ACoS: Foe so I can move on to the letter G (ACoS is based on a series of letter prompts). I also want to continue with my original writing project.

2) Rec a book!

I rarely get around to reading for myself rather than uni (two foreign languages = two literary canons, yay), so I'm going with an author I admire greatly. 

I recommend "The House* of Ulloa" (Los pazos* de Ulloa) by Emilia Pardo Bazán. 

The story is set in 19th century Galicia and follows the young priest Julian Alvarez, who becomes chaplain for the marquis of Ulloa. Upon his arrival at the run-down estate, he gets drawn into the intrigues between the marquis, Pedro Moscoso; his majordomo, a suspicious, brutish man named Primitivo; and Primitivo's daughter Sabel, who is the mother of Perucho, Pedro's illegitimate son.

The House of Ulloa is an example of the Spanish naturalist movement, so if you're a fan of minimalist style, this book probably isn't for you.

*House doesn't exactly equal pazo. A pazo is a manor house in the countryside which often looks a bit like a small castle.

(Pazo de Meiras, where EPB used to live. Sadly, it later became the summer home of Spanish dictator Francisco Franco...)

3) Rec a fic! 

A Dream of Empire by Melampus

I'll just let the summary do the work for me:

"The Empire was all Lyrian had ever known. From a simple war mage trainee to Fatebinder, she never looked back on her choices, assured of her life as a loyal servant of the Empire and the Overlord. The war of conquest for the Tiers changed that. The fires of war forged Lyrian into something else beyond a mere tool. War was an ugly, dirty thing, but Lyrian felt right at home in the grime of battle, the spilling of blood. She never aspired to more, yet the world simply laughed.

And yet, in the chaos of war, there was a constant that she gravitated around without truly realizing it. Or rather, someone.

The Fatebinder of Balance."

I love Lyrian and her relationship with Calio, I love the additions to Tyranny's worldbuilding, I love the way everyone is characterised—it's just a great fic for a great, underrated game.

4) Rec music!

I've been thinking long and hard about which Trve Kvlt metal band I'd talk about just to show off my ~~eclectic taste~~ but fuck, I wanna gush about Angelo Branduardi. 

I love Angelo Branduardi. 

He's a renown Italian folk/traditional/pop musician, author, film soundtrack composer, (small-time) actor and, relatively recently, voice actor for a point & click adventure game.  

His music spans an incredible range of genres, lyrics & time periods ranging from songs of medieval origin to quiet folk to singer/songwriter to pop. He's released 28 studio albums and 50 albums in total. My favourites are the "Futuro Antico'' albums which contain adaptations of traditional songs from different areas and time periods as well as languages.

For example, the other day I listened to "Loibere Risen" from the first Futuro Antico album and thought to myself "Wait a minute, that's not exactly German… but it sounds so German I can kinda understand it." It's a song from the 13th century sung in Middle High German… Other obscure languages and dialects, such as Occitan, also find their way onto those albums.

Many publications call Branduardi a "modern day bard" and I think that's an apt description so if you're in any way inclined towards folk and "Bard-ish" music (or are learning Italian and looking for an easy to understand singer), I recommend you check him out.

Oh, and Angelo Branduardi is also the voiceclaim for Chief Justiciar Valcarion, one of my ESO OCs.

 5) Share one piece of advice!

When it comes to creative activities, rules are there to be broken. 

For any creative expression there are so many guides out there telling you to do this and that and while you should understand why those rules exist, don't let them limit you. Write that experimental 500k word novel from the perspective of a goose, wear that weird outfit you find cool even if they tell you those colours don't go together or it's out of fashion, draw that proportion-defying figure even if people tell you that's not how it works. 

It's all about expression and it's all good as long as those deviations from the norm are your intent (rather than, say, trying to draw a proportional human being but failing and hiding behind style).

[miss-smutty]

The Destructive Secret - Chapter 1

A/N- So first of all, extremely mature themes, strictly 18+ only This is my baby, I love it and I'm so excited for it but oh my lord! My poor heart writing this. This is going to be a super angsty series. Since I got the idea I've been desperate to get it written, even though it's going to break my heart. The dynamics of it have been driving me insane because I want the first chapter to have a air of mystery to it but then how do I tag it without giving it away? 😩 So I've purposefully left out names in this chapter so you don't know who's who and all will be revealed in good time. Can you work out what's happening? I'd love to hear your thoughts ❤️

Disclaimer: This is an entire work of fiction/AU and has no affiliation to real life what so ever! This is a fictional story about fictional characters who happen to share names and faces with some real people.

Summary- You've got a secret to hide and it's going to cause complete and utter destruction.

Word count- 2,197

Warnings- Mature themes, swearing, smut, angst, deceit, lies

18+ only!

Taglist-: @innerpaperexpertcloud @pandaxnienke

Posted: 25th Feb 2021

"Babe, don't hate me... I have to go out of town for another conference this weekend" The deep confliction you feel everytime you do this to your boyfriend, never gets any easier.

"I don't hate you, we'll make up for it next week. How about a little romantic trip, just the two of us" he says sweetly, making your heart tug, you wish he was a bad guy it would make this a lot easier.

"That sounds like a great plan, I'll make it up to you tonight" you say, distracted by your thoughts.

"Well that sounds... Intriguing. I'll see you tonight babe" he hung up the phone but you kept it to your ear, still deep in thought before finally realising and putting the phone on the desk next to your computer.

You finished typing up the letter you were working on before the phone call, looking back and forth from your phone to the screen of your computer, still distracted by your thoughts. The butterflies in your stomach making you feel sick. You gave in and grabbed your phone, typing out a text quickly.

-I've told him. Pick me up from work at 5.30 Friday - you stop typing to think for a minute, before finishing the text with two kisses - xx

You try to get your head back into work, the neverending pile of deadlines building up on your desk next to you. When your phone vibrates the desk loudly, you look around to make sure no one's watching you before giving in to your curiosity and picking up your phone.

-Great, see you Friday. I can't wait to see you xxx

You try to feel excited but the overwhelming amount of guilt you feel always overrides that. You wish it could be different, that you could've met in a different way. That you could actually thoroughly enjoy the time you have together rather than feeling a deep shamefulness everytime you meet.

You've got yourself into something so deep that you can't think of a way out of it, either way it ends somebody is going to be hurt. In fact, one way or the other, you're all going to be hurt.

                             *******************

"Hey babe, did you have a good day?" Your boyfriend greets you as you walk into the kitchen, filled with the aromas of the food he was cooking for you.

"It was ok, busy. This smells amazing. What you making?" You ask, kissing him on the cheek as he stands over the stove, stirring a pot of delicious smelling liquid.

"I'm just making a sauce for the pasta" he says letting go of his wooden spoon and grabbing you by the hand to spin you around and face him. 

"Did you bring dessert?" He says into your ear, moving your hair to the side and planting kisses down your neck.

"What no, was I supposed to?" You couldn't remember him saying anything about dessert, yet you'd been pretty distracted most of the day.

"I'm sure you said something about making it up to me tonight?" He smirks, pulling you in for a lingering open mouthed kiss.

"Oh, yeah. That kind of dessert" you say, pulling away slightly.

"Are you ok? You seem kinda ... Distracted" he asks, a look of concern on his face as you shuffle though the papers in your bag.

"No, sorry babe. It's just work, I've had a lot on my mind today" you lie, sort of. You had a lot on your mind it just wasn't work related, even though you wish it was.

As you put the papers back into your bag you can feel your phone vibrating. Fuck sake, not now. Becoming flustered you accidentally drop the bag onto the glass table, nearly jumping out of your skin from the loud noise your phone made as it hit the glass. 

You notice your hands shaking as you hold your phone in front of you, cursing yourself under your breath for being so pathetic. Reading the text has your heart beating at an unbelievable pace, making you light headed and dizzy. 

-Can you meet me tonight? I hate this, I hate not being able to see you whenever I like. Please Y/N xxx

You pull out a chair and sit down before you fall down, why do you have to be pulled about in so many different directions? It was so hard leading a double life and keeping your dirty little secret, it literally ate away at your soul. You were a shell of the person you used to be, completely consumed with lies and deceit.

Sleepless nights, tossing and turning caused by guilt and work schedules and then still having to sneak away whenever you could. You lost yourself, trying to keep two people happy while completely forgetting about yourself.

"Babe?" 

"Huh?" You say looking up from your phone, you hadn't realised he'd been speaking to you.

"I said, red or white? He asks, furrowing his brow at you.

"Sorry, what?" You look confused, shaking your head as if to shake the thoughts right out of there. You have no idea what he's talking about.

"Wine? Foods ready. Do you want red or white... wine?" Looking more concerned.

"Oh, white please. Thank you, this looks amazing" you say, putting your phone into your shirt pocket and tucking your chair under the table, ready to get started. It really did look amazing, you don't deserve him. 

You watched him sit down opposite you, his ridiculously blue eyes catching yours as his fork passes to his lips. He smiles that sweet smile at you, the one that made you fall in love with him all those years ago. The memories of the years flash in front of your eyes in an instant, the first time he told you he loved you, the first kiss, the first time you made love, beautiful, beautiful memories. You can feel a tear prickling at the corner of your eye, lowering your head, hoping he didn't see. 

"Are you sure you're ok?" He asks, reaching across the table to hold your hand in his. The feel of his touch on your hand sends shivers down your spine and the tears spill from your eyes without warning. You hear his chair screech as he pushes it backwards and rushes to your side.

"Babe, please tell me what's wrong?" He kneels In front of you while you rest your head in your hands, completely overwhelmed with guilt. This poor man, my man, how could I do this to him?

"Don't be nice to me, I don't deserve it" you say, self-loathing.

"What are you talking about? Come here" he pulls you up and sits down with you on his lap, lifting your face to look at him which makes you cry even more. 

"I've been so distant with you, so consumed in my damn work that I've been totally neglecting you - " you cry, looking up at him sincerely, tears streaming down your face messily " - I'm so sorry" if only he knew how sorry you actually were. You loved him, he was your first everything, which makes it even harder for you.

"Hey don't be so silly. I'm a big boy, I think I can handle you being a little distracted, it just means when we do get time together it's more special. You've put up with so much from me, with the tabloids and papparzzi. You took it all on when we were still so young and never complained once, this is nothing compared to that" he wipes the tears away from your cheeks. Oh baby, please don't blame yourself.

"I would do it all over again, you know? It was worth it, I'd never change it. You're my childhood sweetheart, we've grown up together and I... I" you're balling like a baby now.

"Shh, baby. Please don't worry about it. You need a break, you've been working way too hard" if only he knew.

He nudges the side of your face with his soft bearded cheek until you give in and look up at him. The tears are also starting to well in his eyes and he smiles at you, at how silly and emotional you're both being. You suck it up and wipe the tears away with your arm.

"Come on, I've got some making up to do" you say, leading him to the bedroom. Your phone begins to vibrate in your pocket - an incoming call. You reach in and hold down the off button, you'll deal with that later.

He stops you before you make it to the bedroom and pushes you hastily against the wall, unable to wait much longer. His hands feel their way down your body until he reaches the hem of your skirt and pushes it up to your stomach, revealing your lacey panties. Your breath hitches as he pushes himself against you, the feel of his hard cock against your exposed panties makes you forget everything else for a moment. 

"I love you so fucking much" he says against your lips, biting gently on your bottom one while his hands run up and down your body. You reach down to unbutton his jeans, it's all very rushed and desperate, you need to feel each other, feel the love you have for each other. You need to show him, a painful desire that burns in your chest to show him that you love him.

So you push him backwards towards the bedroom door, your hands still working his jeans as your lips lock, never pulling apart.

Shoving him slightly too hard back onto your super-king bed in the middle of the room, you waste no time straddling him. He reaches up to unbutton your shirt, thrusting into you as he does so, the need so bad it hurt. You stopped his fingers fiddling with your button midway down your torso so you could pull off his jeans and boxers, while he props himself up on the bed with his elbows. Watching intently as you take control.

You kneel between his thighs, smoothing your hands down those thick muscles. Waiting for him to position himself at the end of the bed, making sure he has a good view before you run your pierced tongue up the shaft, all the way to the tip. Teasing him, knowing full well how it makes him feel. The ways his head falls back, his mouth hung open and the sounds falling from his lips, stir something deep inside you. It makes you feel hot to know you're turning him on this much.

Circling your pointy tongue around the tip, a sultry stare straight into his eyes makes him groan. You take his tip into your mouth, swallowing the drop of precum, licking your lips for him. Sucking on his cock, feeling it throbbing in your mouth, growing impossibly harder.

You can tell he can't handle it anymore when he pulls you onto him so you're sitting on his cock, your walls stretching around him making you both suck in air at the sensitivity. He leans back up to finish unbuttoning your shirt while thrusting his big cock, deep within you. Finally getting your shirt off, he grips his fingers into your ass cheeks, squeezing them as he sits up. Bouncing up and down on his dick, while you stare into each others eyes, the intimacy overwhelming you. Lost in the moment for a precious amount of time, feeling the sensation of your loves cock filling you up beyond limits.

You pull his shirt over his head, revealing his beautifully, tanned body. Holding on tightly to you while he pushes himself up the bed so he can lean his back against the headboard. Watching your tits move as you bounce on his cock, thrusting into you with his jaw clenched. You know that look, the way he's desperately trying not to come too quickly.

Both of your breathes are getting faster as you bounce harder, the gripping sensation rises through you.

"I love you" you say between breaths, leaning down to say it into his ear. 

"Fuck - " he groans, pulling out of you quickly before he come, your rising orgasm fading away. 

" - fuck Sorry, babe. That was too fucking much" He rolls you over underneath him and quickly positions himself back at your entrance, easing in painfully slowly.

Now thrusting into you at an unforgivable pace, making you gasp everytime he slammed into you. Pushing your knees back towards your face and settling himself between them, holding your head with both hands and gazing into your eyes. He's ready, you're ready, you can feel it rising as he rolls his hips into you. The look of love in his eyes making you feel emotional, he's panting and you're moaning as he lets go and pumps into you making you lose it and scream out as you gush everywhere. Holding onto the sheets, tightly, as you wait for your toes to uncurl, still inside of you he lays on your stomach trying to catch his breath. Your muscles cramp up and shake making you wince as you try to move out from underneath him

"Are you ok?" His head snaps up, concerned.

"Yeah, just cramp" you whine, stretching out your legs when he rolls to your side.

"I really do love you" you say moving into his arms.

"I know you do. I love you too" he says kissing the top of your head. You're brought back to reality when you hear your phone vibrating again on the floor, in the pocket of your shirt. 

"You're popular tonight" he says noticing the sound of your phone as it vibrates the floorboards.

"It's just work, it can wait until tomorrow" you say, content being in his arms for a little longer and forgetting that anything or anyone else exists. Even if it is only for a moment.

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Fifty-Seven

A/N: this is kinda raunchy. I'm not sorry.

Word count: 4K

Warning(s): explicit language, explicit sexual situations, mentions of drug abuse

Tag List: @unknownoblivion  @sinningsixx  @edwardtriggerhandzz  @lemmyjelly  @haileynicoleseavey17  @cierrasixx19  @oskea93  @mgkobsessed  @vamprlestat  @sharon6713  @itsametaphorbriansblog  @miriampraez  @allie-mcginn @xpoisonousrosesx  @rebeccaphillips14  @nicholeh7  @fandomshit6000  @lilmou5ie  @tamedhearts  @divaanya  @kingbouji3 @evrsncnewyork @6ixx6ixx  @ratedrkohardychick91  @floregrohlssard  @oldschoolimagineblog  @thanks2pete  @abaldboi  @swoopygorl @justjodeye @liith-ium  @caos18blog  @ytwahsog  @shamlessobsession  @scarecrowmax  @toadspleen @random-internet-user-4471  @solohqrry  @loveofmyloif  @sparxx27  @kaitieskidmore1  @cruecifymesixx  @ijustwanttokiss70srogertaylor  @emmaelizabeth2014 @meetthesixxter  @sixxsixxsexx @sublimeprincesswasteland @arianareirg  @girlnight-terror  @mcnibberachi

@fancywasmyname1  @teller258316  @ggorehorror  @blowinmeupwithherlove  @xrosegoldwolfx  @mylifeisjustafeverdream  @redlipscrystalskies14 @str4nge-haze

LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED

1981

"...Shh." Nikki chuckles out in a smile, his hand over my mouth as he comes up for a second so I can calm down. "If your parents hear you, I'm fucked."

"I'm sorry, you've been going down on me the past hour, I'm really sensetive right now, and I thought you didn't care." I whisper, quoting him from something he's said before.

He just smirks.

"I thought about it and decided if we get caught, I won't be able to do this..." He tugs my nipple with his teeth for a moment, causing me to gasp out. "...or this..." he pushes two fingers into my slick cunt and I arch my back, the delicious friction causing my body to crave more. "...or this." He goes back to where he was, his tongue working at my swollen clit.

I take in a sharp breath, trying to keep from moaning too loud as he devours me and every last drop of sticky-sweet running out of me.

"Oh, fuck, daddy." I whine out, my hips bucking up, grinding against his feasting mouth, only causing him to move his tongue faster and more deliberately.

He hums at the sound, his dark eyes glancing up at me, his hands keeping my thighs spread wide open as he sucks at my clit, making my eyes roll back, my toes curl, and a wanton moan leaves my lips as my pussy tenses and relaxes repeatedly, wanting to be filled and abused.

Nikki finishes licking the cum from between my legs, before laying beside me as my exhausted body tries to wind down.

"You don't want me to do anything for you?" I ask him, taking deep breaths, blinking slowly at him.

He shakes his head, giving me a little smile, before pulling the covers up to my chin so I don't have to.

"No, Viv, getting to eat you for over an hour straight is repayment enough." He chuckles and my face burns red.

"Quit saying it like that." I cover my face with my hands.

"That's what I was doing, was it not?"

"I guess, but you don't have to be so..." I wrinkle my nose for a second. "...I don't know."

"Oh, so you can call me 'daddy' but when I call it 'eating', it's the end of the world?" He looks at me and I narrow my eyes at him.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I deny his accusation and he raises his brows.

"Oh, please, Viv, you scream it out like a bitch in heat almost everytime we fuck around."

"Fine, then, I'll stop." I shrug and he snaps his attention to me.

"I didn't say I didn't like it, it's just amusing to hear it from you, of all people, Saint Viv."

"Shut up, Devil Spawn." I shove at his arm.

"Ow." He complains, rubbing his hand over where I hit him, pretending to be hurt.

I roll my eyes and he mocks me, causing me to shove at his arm again.

"Do it again, see what happens." He threatens and I, spitefully, do it again.

I don't have time to react before he's snatching me onto him, grasping my wrists in his hands as he tickles at my stomach, causing me to double over and try to keep from waking my parents.

"Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" I whisper yell and he stops, allowing me to catch my breath and he laughs arrogantly, his rough palms rubbing up and down my thighs, calmly, his smile slowly starting fade as he looks up at me.

"What is it?" I ask him, self-consciously pulling the covers back around me to cover my chest.

"You're beautiful." He says lowly, his hand coming up to brush my red hair from my face.

"Don't be weird." I say in regards to whatever the hell is happening between us.

We've only messed around a handful of times and I've been trying not to get attached because there's no point. I don't need him bullshitting me just for the hell of it.

"I'm being honest, Viv. You are."

"So is every other girl you have fun with. We're already fooling around anytime either of us wants it, you can stop trying to tell me nice stuff so I'll let you between my legs, Nikki." I laugh it off, but the sting of the truth strikes through my body.

"The other girls are nice to look at, but are grade-A hangers-on. They could give less of a fuck as long they're getting boned by a rockstar, they don't care." He replies.

Apparently the look I give him is one of doubt.

"I'm always right." He states sarcastically with a toothy grin. "So if I say you--despite being a pain in the ass--are beautiful, then there's no arguing about it." He adds and I try not to make my overjoyed smile obvious, instead leaning down, pressing my lips to his.

1987

"Another vehicle, Nikki, are you kidding me?!" I scream as he simultaneously says, "don't fucking start, Viv!"

He can't be serious.

"Do you not remember that notice we got about the $5,000 a day in heroin being spent, Nikki, or did that just fly over your head? We have bills, we have have things that we need to prioritize and what do you do?! Buy another car!"

He just ignores me, grabbing a paper bag from the fridge.

I give up on fighting, tears of frustration rolling down my cheeks as I grab my car keys to just get the hell out of here.

He had gotten a brand new Mercedes Benz after I had asked him to wait until we got more money from the album and the tour. He decided we had enough money and went for it.

I angrily wrap packing tape around the cardboard box packed full of Steven's things, seeing him flinch each time the tape let out a squeak from me manhandling it.

"You good, Viv?" He asks me cautiously and I glare at him.

"I married a junkie who's mission is to damn near give me a heart attack anyway he possibly can whether it's with his drug abuse or simply spending money we don't necessarily have." I state. "So, no, Stevie. I could be better."

"Oh...I'm sorry." He mumbles.

"It's called D-I-V-O-R-C-E. They're perfect in situations such as your's and could really benefit you and him." Izzy sarcastically let's out, raising his brows and I slowly turn to look at him with a death glare. "Or suffer, that's a good option, too." He shrugs.

"We don't want that." I state as Duff comes in the living room from the kitchen.

"Not what I've heard." Izzy scoffs back. "Sixx talks when he's smacked out."

"And what exactly does 'Sixx' say?" I ask, raising my brows.

I can feel Steven making motions to Izzy from behind me, and I turn to look at him only to see him pretending to rub the bottom of his jaw with his knuckles.

It's obvious he was just running his hand against his neck in a "stop" motion to Izzy.

"Uh, n-nothing." Duff puts in as an unsettling tension settles in, like the three of them are on a level of understanding that I'm not aware of.

"Guys, seriously, what does he say?" I ask.

"It's not really what he says as much as what he does." Izzy let's out carefully and Duff glares at him.

"What does he do?"

"Cries." Duff states.

"Yeah." Steven adds.

"Like a little bitch." Izzy sighs.

I look at them for a moment before deciding to not ask anything else.

"Okay, Steven, here." I finish taping his box of stuff.

"Thanks, Viv." He replies, picking the box up, and suddenly every nude magazine he owns is spilling onto the floor from the bottom of the box.

"Aw, dude, that wasn't suppose to happen." Steven states and I hand the tape to Duff when he offers to retape it, before plopping down beside Izzy.

The difference in Fred, Mick, Duff, Steven, Izzy, Slash and Axl keeping the Vanity situation from me, and Tommy, Vince, Doc, and Tansy, keeping it from me was that Vince, Doc, Tommy and Tansy were protecting Nikki.

Everyone else thought they were protecting me, instead they would constantly down Nikki about it, trying to get him to stop his shit.

It would have been nice for someone to tell me instead of having me looking like an absolute dumbass in front of God and everyone.

But I can see why they would think I couldn't handle that information at that time.

"Baby, c'mon, Tommy and I leave in a couple hours." Nikki pleads with me over the phone.

"Okay, so just days ago I was a 'psycho cunt' and you bought a brand new car a couple days ago just to spite me, and now I'm 'baby' again?" I question him.

"We fucked last night, Viv." He states and I sigh.

"We have sex because we're horny, Nikki, not because either of us are sorry for whatever we fight about." I point out and he groans.

"Just get down here and tell me 'bye', please?" He asks and I let out a breath.

"Fine, I'll be down there in a few minutes." I tell him, rolling my eyes.

How Nikki's logic worked:

Sex = apology.

I had accepted that, but a few months into '87, I realized sex didn't fix anything. It just swept it under the rug and allowed the both of us to pretend nothing was wrong.

The rug was starting to have so much dirt swept under it, it wasn't even laying flat on the floor anymore.

I shut the door of my car, Nikki waiting for me outside in his sunglasses, despite it being night out, his cocky smirk plastered on his lips at the fact that I came when he snapped his fingers, like always.

He holds a cassette out to me and I raise a brow, unamused.

"An apology for being an asshole." He tells me.

On the label reads "You're All I Need."

"Remember that song I wanted to write for you?" He asks and I nod, not necessarily knowing how to feel.

"I'll see you when you get back." I let out, giving a tight smile, opening my car door but he shuts it quickly, turning me to face him.

"That's it? No 'thank you', no 'goodbye' kiss, no nothing?" He questions me.

"I'm still upset over our fight Nikki."

"We always have bullshit fights, Viv. We say shit we don't mean all the time."

"Okay, but we're getting too comfortable saying hurtful things to each other, are we not?" I point out, and he sighs, shaking his head a little.

"We tried therapy, it didn't work, so. I don't know what to tell you."

"We went to a handful of sessions, Nikki, before you refused to go after Nona passed away." I remind him.

"Because we were both miserable in those sessions."

"Well, it's nearly one year later and we're still miserable." I state and he furrows his brows.

"Being married to me makes you miserable?" He hisses out.

"I didn't mean it like that, I just mean--"

"--Great, well, I'll see you in five days." He cuts me short, hurt over what I said, stepping to the door.

"That's not what I meant, Nikki." I follow after him and grasp at his wrist. "I meant the both of us are getting more and more unhappy."

"I'm fine." He pipes. "I'm sorry if you're antidepressant stopped working or something but I'm fantastic, Viv."

"You're fantastic?"

"Yep."

People who are doing "fantastic" don't self-medicate but okay.

"I'll do better." He says to me, smiling down at me reassuringly. "Alright?"

I nod, and he looks me up and down for a moment before catching my lips with his.

His Jack flavored tongue meets mine, eliciting a soft hum from me as his hands hold at my waist, my fingers lacing in his hair.

We take a few steps back and I feel my legs hit the front of my Corvette. I drop the tape to push his jacket off his shoulders when he nudges for me to sit back on the hood of my car, already knowing where this is going.

His lips trail down my neck, his teeth nipping at my hardened nipples through my dress, causing me to giggle and moan simultaneously, my fingers running through his teased hair.

He stands up straight to unbuckle his belt, the sight of his prick desperate to get out of his pants has a wave of pleasure sweeping up my back, my hand pulling my dress up to run over the soft fabric of my panties, the toe of my heel gently traveling up the inside of his leather covered thigh.

He stops me just before I can trace over the bulge in his pants, his hand gripping my ankle, his fingers of his other hand untying the lace of his pants.

I sit up, reaching my hand out to free his cock, but he grabs at my jaw, forcing me to look at him.

"No, no." He wags his finger at me with a slick smile and my mouth waters when he pulls himself from his pants, precum already beading at his tip.

He sees me eyeing it, purposely wrapping his fist around his shaft to jerk of a couple of times, causing even more of the liquid to leak from him.

"Go ahead have a taste because every last drop is going in that pretty pussy so you remember who's you are while I'm gone."

My core tenses up, evidence of my arousal wetting my panties at his words and I don't hesitate to swipe my thumb across his tip, enjoying his jaw tensing at the contact, before making a show of sucking my thumb into my mouth to lick it off.

He stares at me and I blink up at him, taking my thumb from my mouth, waiting for him to make the next move.

And oh, does he.

He's impatiently pushing my dress to my hips and yanking my panties off, holding at one of my legs as his fingers trail between my legs to my clit.

I let out a harsh breath when he lightly runs the pad of his thumb over the sensitive nerves, watching my face.

I have to bite my lip in order to keep from cursing at him teasing me, and he licks his lips before taking his dick in his hand, rubbing the head against my clit, watching as my eyes close and a whimper leaves my lips.

I feel my pulse in my core, and the ache of utter need has me giving him my best "fuck me" eyes I can muster up.

"Does my little slut wanna be fucked?" He asks and I nod, looking at him with my eyes half-open.

I shudder when he drags his tip to my hungry cunt, slowly, agonizingly, sliding into me.

My back arches as he gives me the time to feel his girth stretching me, and he grins, his head falling back, his hands pushing my thighs against the hood of the car.

"I will never get over how fucking tight you are." He tells me in an almost moan, pulling back out again and slowly sliding back in, time looking down to see himself thrusting in and out of me.

"So good." I let out softly, my hands pinching at my nipples through my dress and he starts to pick up the pace, causing me to gasp and moan with every thrust as he goes deep into me, hitting my cervix.

I remember where we're at and I put my hand over my mouth to keep from drawing attention from the street incase anyone can hear me.

Nikki doesn't like that.

"Keep your fucking hand down." He orders, pulling my hand from my mouth. "I want them to know you're getting fucked, I want them to know who's fucking cock you're taking inch for fucking inch." He states, and I moan quietly at his words, still not wanting to draw attention.

My walls tighten and loosen around him as he continues to drive into me, my sounds of pleasure getting louder and louder with my loss of control and Nikki's determination.

His fingers quickly go back and fort against my clit, causing me to let out an unexpected cry, my hand holding at his wrist to try to get him to stop but he won't.

"Good girl." He praises me for not trying to hide my pleasure, grunting at the feeling of my pussy tightening around him.

The wet sound of him moving in and out of me mixed with my cries and he cursing fills my ears.

"Harder, Nikki, please." I beg, a masochistic part of me not wanting to walk right for a couple days.

I don't have to ask twice, his hand's around my throat, his fingers roughly stimulating my clit while his prick mercilessly starts pounding into my weeping cunt, only causing me to moan the best that I can with him choking me.

The two of us look at each other in pure ecstacy and I smugly grin before opening my mouth, sticking my tongue out.

His hand grasps at my throat a little tighter as he leans forward and spits in my mouth, only letting his grip loosen briefly so I can swallow it.

Our bodies are now drenched in sweat and I'm growing closer and closer, squeezing around him so tightly I think he's having to force himself not to finish before I do.

I'm probably looking up at him like he's a god, mesmerized by the sheen of sweat covering his chest, his thumb of his hand around my throat softly swiping the skin of my neck, sweetly contradicting his roughness.

"Oh, daddy, I'm gonna come." I gasp out. It's been a while since I've called him that in bed and it's only motivating him to go harder. "Fuck!" I mewl, squeezing my eyes shut as I tighten around him even more before my orgasm hits and my pussy's spasming in hopes of getting every last bit of his load.

He groans from the sensation before I feel him push back into me, forcing himself against my cervix, hot cum coating the inside of me.

"What the fuck?!" Tommy screams in a high pitch, and Nikki and I startle, looking in the direction of the door to see Tommy and Vince standing there, just walking out, but being met with Nikki inside me, with his hand around my throat and me moaning.

I'm horrified, Tommy's traumatized, Vince is probably wishing he had his camera, and Nikki's...well...

"Hahaha!" Nikki let's out, pulling my dress down my legs so I don't flash Tommy or Vince. "Sorry." He says next, tucking himself back into his pants, picking his jacket up off the ground as I scramble to get off the car, wincing at the feeling Nikki's cum about to start running out of me.

My face is bright red and Tommy looks like he's about to cry.

"I came out here to tell you 'bye' and-and..." he can't finish speaking, disgust on his face.

"Nikki was telling you 'bye', too." Vince laughs out and I glare at him.

"I'm sorry we fool around, T-bone, jeez." Nikki chuckles.

"'Fooling around' is a blowjob. This," he grabs his own throat and pulls his own hair. "Is something I don't want to see Viv in."

"She's the one who's into it." Nikki argues and my eyes bug as I feel even more embarrassed.

"Nikki, what the hell?!" I ask him as Tommy looks even more worried.

"Aww, man, this is great." Vince sighs out, grinning.

"Viv, I love you, I'll see you in a few days." Tommy let's out, avoiding eye contact with me.

I don't want to face him at the moment either.

"Love you, Tommy, bye." I reply as he heads to their car that just pulled up.

I grab the tape from the ground and my panties, and Nikki takes the skimpy undergarment from my hand and puts it in his jacket pocket.

I just look at him.

"What?" He asks. "It's a token of your affection to remind me of you when I miss you on those cold, lonely nights."

"You'll be gone less than a week, Nikki."

"You want me to think of you or not?" He points out and I can't hide my smile, chuckling at his bullshit.

His eyes shift to the tape in my hand, and his face falls for a second as if he regrets giving it to me.

"Everything alright?"

"Yeah, um...just...don't take lyrics too seriously." He tells me and I raise my brows.

"What?"

The car honks the horn and he looks at them as Tommy's standing out of the sunroof.

"Dude, c'mon, we're gonna miss the flight!" He tells Nikki.

Nikki turns back to me, giving me a little smile, kissing me sweetly.

"I'll call you when we get to the hotel." He assures me, kissing me again.

"Okay, be careful." I say.

"I'm sorry, Viv, alright?" He says next, and I think he's apologizing for the "Wild Side" ordeal and buying a new car we could barely afford.

I'm about to say "I am, too" but he cuts me off, kissing me yet again.

"See ya, Sixx." He whispers, smirking to me.

"See ya, Sixx." I reply in the same tone.

With one last kiss, he's telling Vince 'bye' and making his way to the car.

I rub my lips together, noticing Vince has this amused look on his face as I step to my car.

"What, Vince?" I ask.

"Nothing. Enjoy the song." He tells me before walking to his bike.

I go home, clean myself up, change and head to the Franklin Plaza where Duff, Axl, Izzy, Slash and Steven are staying currently.

The second Steven opens the door, I'm waving the tape.

"He doesn't hate me!" I exclaim, handing the tape to Axl--who bet $50 that Nikki and I would divorce this year--as he's smoking his cigarette.

"'You're All I Need'." He reads the title, looking at Duff and Izzy who're on one of the suits' couches. "What, is it an ode to heroin?" He asks and I cut my eyes at him.

"Seriously, man?" Slash questions him, unamused.

"No, Axl, it's not." I state.

"Well, let's listen to it." Stevie excitedly says.

Soon enough we have it playing, hearing a beautiful piano ballad backed with Mick's guitar, Nikki's bass and Tommy's drums.

"The blade of my knife

Faced away from your heart

Those last few nights

It turned and sliced you apart

This love that I tell

Now feels lonely as hell

From this padded prison cell"

The lyrics of the first verse sound as with each passing second, everyone's looking more and more confused, glancing at each other while I try to make sense of whatever metaphor he's using.

"So many times I said

You'd only be mine

I gave my blood and my tears

And loved you cyanide

When you took my lips

I took your breath

Sometimes love's better off dead"

He can't be saying what it sounds like he's saying.

"You're all I need make you only mine

I love you so I set you free

I had to take your life

You're all I need, you're all I need

And I loved you but you didn't love me."

"Umm...Viv...I don't think this is about how much he loves you." Izzy speaks out.

"Laid out cold

Now we're both alone

But killing you helped me keep you home."

"I-Is he singing about killing me?!" I ask, nearly at a loss for words.

"I guess it was bad

Cause love can be sad

But we finally make the news."

"This bastard is singing about killing me!"

"Dude, didn't he actually try to kill you?" Steven asks me and I raise my brows.

"Tied up smiling

I thought you were happy

Never opened you--"

Duff stops the tape, snatching it from the player before tossing it on the floor and stomping it to pieces with his cowboy boot.

There's a long, long silence between all of us, and I force myself not to cry in front of all of them.

"I guess that fifty bucks is still on the table, then?" Axl shatters the silence.

[clairecrive]

Come back (Part 2)

It has been highly requested and here it is! Buckle up, because this image is very very long.

Tag: @mschellehitt

***

Crap Crap Crap, did I already say crap?

I couldn't imagine a more embarrassing situation.

Maybe he's just arrived and he hasn't heard anything. Yeah, that's possible.

Clinging desperately onto this possibility, I act like nothing compromising has happened and I smile and wave at him like I normally would.

He doesn't react, his face still emotionless while he starts walking towards our table. So I turn back so that I was facing Elijah.

He was the only reason why I wasn't freaking out. With him present, the conversation couldn't turn too personal, right?

But as always, nothing goes like I want and when I turn around, I see that Elijah is about to stand up.

"What are you doing?" I ask worried

"You two need to talk, I'm going to leave you alone." he says and stands up when Klaus is standing beside me

I stand up too, in hope to convince him to stay with a panicked expression but he doesn't budge. Stubborn stubborn man, ugh.

Instead he gives me a big smile and a tight hug to reassure me.

"It's going to be okay, just be honest with him. Don't be afraid." he whispers in my ear before pulling away.

He gives a nod of recognition to Klaus and leaves us alone.

I quickly sit back down, to avoid his eyes. I had already drunk my coffe but I thought that staying in a public place is better for this kind of situation.

He also sits down and doesn't utter a word. I can feel his eyes on me though so, before he could ask anything I break the silence trying to do a little small inoffensive talk.

"It's a beautiful morning, isn't it?"I ask. Lame I know but whatever.

"Indeed it is." he replies

Great intervention, 100 for the effort.

"It's the perfect weather to do an outdoor activity. Do you have anything planned for today?" I dare to ask.

I mean it's still a safe question but only now I realize that his answer could involve his girlfriend.

"It's not exactly an outdoor activity but I was thinking about some truth spilling. What do you think?" he says hinting at my previous conversation with Elijah not so delicately.

"Well, I mean if you have something on your chest then yes, go for it." I cluelessly reply

"I like to believe that I'm always very forward in my relationships. However,there is someone among us that needs to let something off their chest, but it's not me."

Shit, shit shit.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I mutter in a weak and lame attempt to keep up pretenses.

He angrily hits the table startling me and getting the everyone's attention. I should have seen this coming, he has a bit of a temper. Just a little bit.

"Enough with these lies. Since when have you been lying to my face? After everything that we've been through, don't you think I deserve to know the truth?" he asks apparently fed up with my lies

I had hoped to never have this conversation with him because I knew that if had had it, I wouldn't have known what to say.

I know he's hurt by my lies, and that was never my intention. Our relationship has always been based on mutual trust and honesty. So I guess his reaction is not so dramatic after all.

Now I'm faced with a choice, do I tell him the truth consequently putting me on the front line, or do I just dismiss this conversation by leaving?

Would he let me leave though? And more importantly, do I have the strength to get up and leave him here knowing that this is my last chance with him?

The internal battle was pretty clear but as cliché as it sounds, as soon as I looked into his beautiful enticing blue eyes, I knew that I couldn't leave him here or lie to him anymore.

I've already hurt him enough, he deserves an explanation.

I take a deep breath and leaning away from him towards the back of the chair I nod, letting him know that I was going to tell him what he wanted.

After that, a couple of minutes pass in silence, in my vain attempt to find the right words. But I mean, what better words than those who come form the heart?

"Before I say anything, I want you to know that if I didn't tell you anything it's because I thought it was the best thing for you. I haven't exactly been lying to you, but I do have been omitting some things. I don't know how much you've heard before, but I'm going to start from the beginning." I start explaining looking at him

"I think you probably know this, but I don't trust people easily. I'm sure you understand, although it's not for the same reason. When I'm getting to know someone, and we get along well I almost immediately get attached to them. After a while, I saw that this was not good for me seeing as almost everyone I've ever met has screwed me over. So, I guess you could call it a defense mechanism, but now I only let some people in and after a while." I open up to him. My voice was very low but I didn't worry about not being heard for his supernatural hearing and all that.

"I think it's safe to say that you and your family were let in. Pretty much after a day I've met you. And before you ask, no I don't regret it, I do trust you and you all know that. By now, I'm sure you're wondering, so where's the problem?" I rhetorically ask him

His eyes never left mine during this time so I know he was following me. Now shit gets real and I don't have it in me to look at him while I confess this. So I decide to play with the cup of coffee in my hands.

"The thing is, that now we enter in a new field kinda. I'm not ashamed to admit that I've never been in a serious relationship. The only guy I've ever trusted enough to let him completely in (no pun intended) has royally screwed me over and thrown my trust for guys into the bin. Since then, I've never been romantically involved with anyone. And I was fine with it, really. But then you came into my life and everything changed, cliché I know." I pause for a moment because I hear him chuckle and oh boy how I missed that sound.

"Well, almost everything. You see, I'm still scared that things will end on the worst terms and I don't want that. Not with you." At this, I can't help myself but glance at him. His look on me was so intense that I wondered how come I haven't melted yet.

"Yes, I do have feelings for you. Yes, I guess it would make me very happy to be with you. But that's not the point. I realized it too late, I let my fear win and now I've lost you. I didn't want to tell you because it's not fair to you, you've found a beautiful girl that makes you happy. I was too late, end of the story." I finish still not looking at him.

When I do though, his gaze was almost scheming, like he was figuring something out. I look at him in silence, giving him the chance to take all of this in.

After a while, when I was ready to admit defeat and retreat into my house of losers, he smiles leaving me breathless and speechless.

He's always read me like an open book, even better than Elijah, so my bewilderment was pretty evident for him. That's why he let out a little laugh.

He leans towards me and takes my hands off the cup and into his before speaking.

"You know I'd never hurt you, right?" he asks

"That's beside the point, Klaus. I'm not worried that you'd hurt me, not voluntarily at least" I admit

"Then what are you afraid of?"

"What if you get bored of me? What if you get fed up with me and fall in love with someone else? I mean, you do have eternity after all, so why would you settle with boring plain me?" I explain

"Why wouldn't I?" he smartly asks

"The question is, why would you? I'm sure you can find someone better than me. Maybe you've already found her." I hit at his current girlfriend.

"You know, I think that your fear is not the problem here, rather it's your non-existent self-confidence." Ehm, what?

"You once told me that in order to make another love you, you should love yourself first. But you see, that's not quite right. Yes, you should love yourself but if you don't yet that doesn't mean that no one will too." he says not really waiting for a reply

"I love you, I've loved you since the first time I saw you. It took me a little to figure that out, you know me and my paranoia."

"It's okay to be scared, I am too. I've never done this with anyone either. Didn't you think that I could be afraid of losing you too?" he asks now waiting for me to answer

"No, I didn't." I admit

"I really wish you would have told me all of this earlier, it would have saved us some time." he finally says.

"I know, I'm too late." I say trying to pull my hands away from his. But his grip is strong and prevents me from doing so.

"No, you're not. There's no such thing as 'being too late'. Haven't you heard me before when I told you I love you?" he asks

"So what exactly are you saying?"I timidly ask.

"I'm saying that if you come back to me, I'll come back to you." He says with a smile making my heart flutter

I can't believe this, how I was blessed with this amazing guy still goes over my head.

"And what about your girlfriend? I don't want to be 'the other girl'" I state making him laugh

"There's no girlfriend. She's just a really good friend. You're the only one for me since the moment you walked into my life." he sweetly admits

"Oh please, enough with the cheesiness. You're lucky I love you" I lightheartedly admit. It felt so good to finally admit my feelings out loud, it was so freeing. It was amazing. He was amazing.

He doesn't reply right away, probably enjoying the fact that I had finally said that I loved him too.

"I love you too, Y/N." he says and leans towards me. I also lean towards him to meet him halfway and our lips finally meet in a beautiful kiss full of love and longing.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi everyone!

I'm so happy that you've loved this idea that I've decided to post part 2 as soon as I could

Just joking, but I would like to take to this opportunity not only to thank every single one of my readers but also to let you know that I deeply enjoy writing request. It really makes me feel appreciated as a writer.

So yeah, if you have a request do let me know and if not well just let me know what you think of this imagine.

Byee

[mo-mo-and-porkchop]

Umbrella academy fiction

Chapter 1

Canon and OC; Deigo x OC, Klaus x OC platonic

*as always I do not own any part of the canon characters or show. I am merely writing my own adaptation to the storyline. Nor do I own any gifs/gif credit.

**I do own all things related to the OCs and additional story elements. And apologies, I couldn't find any "young" gifs of them, but they are all meant to be young adults to show age in this fic.

Tagging: @imcrowley , @wicked-bitch-of-the-west

On a typical sunny day in 1989 a girl was born under extraordinary circumstances - her mother beginning the day not pregnant and ending it with a newborn girl. Reginald Hargreaves was unable to purchase their gift from God, but as fate would have she would still become linked to the obsessive billionaire through Klaus, his disappointing Number Four.

One fateful night in her bar thrust the two into each other's life and they soon became close friends, their tragic pasts a common denominator. Emily tried to aid her friend and his family in thwarting the apocalypse, but her life ultimately lost when the shit inevitably hit the fan.

This is not that story.

Our story takes place five years after the Hargreaves family jumped back in time after unsuccessfully saving the world; bringing with them all the knowledge gained from their first chance at life.

-----

"I'm telling you Diego. We can do this," Klaus said pleadingly to his brother. "She said if she had only gotten out a few years earlier, she would have had a better chance at life. We can give her that chance."

Diego stopped just outside his room. He eyed Klaus as he begged for him to agree.

"Please Diego. She is...was my friend," he corrected himself. This time travel thing was hard to get used to. "I owe it to her to at least try."

It was true that Emily had been as good a friend as someone could to Klaus back then. He'd beena raging drug addict who brought nothing but chaos. There weren't many people who could handle something like that. She'd been one of the few; even managing to get him into rehab a few times.

Not that it had mattered. Klaus had a standing bed there back then and the staff a running pool on how short his next break would last.

But it had been obvious she at least cared for him. And that was more than Diego could say for himself. Klaus was his brother and he had given two shits at the time if he lived or died.

"Fine," he finally agreed.

"Yes!" Klaus said quietly, but triumphantly.

With his second time around, he wanted to get it right. Make amends for his previous infractions.

Starting with this.

"But we do this my way. You got it," he said definitively, getting close enough to stop Klaus' little victory dance. He wanted to make sure his brother understood just how serious he was.

"Got it," Klaus said with a mock salute. "If I remember correctly, right around now would be the 'Halloween lockdowns' as Em liked to call it," Klaus said with a small smirk Diego's way.

His brother looked at him confused "Lockdowns? Where is she? A prison?"

Oh, that's right. He doesn't know.

It had taken Klaus awhile to pull what nuggets she had revealed of her past. He knew, without a doubt, Diego hadn't gotten shit out of her. The few times they'd met his brother was partial to being an asshole to anyone who even remotely took Klaus' side and she had been no different.

"She's at a religious boarding school," Klaus explained quickly. "A real scared straight kinda one. From what she told me though, the night before Halloween the nuns do one final sweep of the grounds, leaving the front door unlocked."

"Pfft. Morons," Diego huffed, the fact that he was speaking of godly women lost to him completely. "So it's a dash and grab. Easy."

"Yeeaa...about that," Klaus began tentatively. Diego had only just agreed to spring Emily from Hell.

"What?" Diego asked lowly. He knew he shouldn't have gotten his hope up so easily. Nothing was ever so cut and dry with Klaus.

"She's also, sort of, kinda in her own lockdown. We may need Five to help us too," he added reluctantly. "Which is fine," he quickly continued, keeping Diego from immediately changing his mind. "Ever since we got back Five has really been a team player. I'm sure if our little heist idea came from you he'd be on board. A hundred percent."

Diego couldn't take this shit with Klaus a second go 'round. He wanted to break Emily out of school? Fine. He needed Diego's help? Also, peachy fuckinf keen. But if he insisted on keeping secrets along the way then Diego would walk his happy ass on out the door and Klaus could go fuck himself.

He grabbed hold of his brother, who flinched more from shock than fear, and drug him into his room, away from listening ears. He tossed his brother onto his bed as gently as he could. Klaus watched as he pulled his desk chair over, sitting on it backward and leaning against it.

"Before I ask Five anything you are gonna spill your guts and give me all the Intel you have on Emily. Otherwise, I'm out and you're on your own."

Klaus groaned with Diego's ultimatum. "Fine," he grumbled. "I'll tell you everything. But you have to swear you'll get Five to help no matter what," he countered holding up his pinky.

"What are you, six?"

"Nothing is more binding than a pinky swear," Klaus said, wiggling his fingers enticingly.

"You never quit do you?"

"Nope," Klaus said with a satisfied grin.

"Jesus Christ." Diego sighed with a roll of his eyes, but nevertheless he linked pinkies with his brother.

"No matter what," Klaus reiterated.

"No matter what," Diego reluctantly agreed before immediately letting go of him.

"Good," Klaus said clapping his hands together and rubbing them conspiratorially. "Now. What do I know about Emily?" he asked himself, feigning an attempt to really dig deep into his thoughts. "Em, Em, Em."

"I'm losing my patience Klaus."

"Alright, fine," Klaus said with an exasperated sigh. Nothing much had changed with Diego this time around - he was still far too serious for his own good. "I know she was one of the few dad couldn't buy, obviously. I deduced that one myself," he admitted proudly.

Diego rolled his eyes and sighed. Even without drugs Klaus' mind still ran a million miles a minute. "Focus," he said keeping his brother on track.

"Right," he replied forcing himself back to their present storytelling session. "She was unbuyable. Her parents were religious and pure," he said mockingly, throwing up the the scouting sign of three fingers. "When Em didn't fit it to their perfect life, they shipped her off and forgot about her. To St. Christopher's School for the Misguided to be exact."

"You mean that old school convent on the outskirts of the city?"

"That's the one," Klaus said in agreement. "She's been there..." he checked his wrist as if a watch sat upon it. "Twelve years now," he added looking back to Diego.

"Twelve years?! What the Hell Klaus?? I thought she was just sent there."

"Yea. When she was six," Klaus said with a snort. "That was after all the exercisims failed," he added nonchalantly.

"Exorcisms!?" Diego was beginning to regret his decision to help. "Look. I don't know what kind of "school" you're taking me to, but how do we know Emily even wants to break out?" he asked in a half-hearted attempt to back out.

"Because she makes it out on her own after another three years anyway. But she always said if she'd got out just a few years earlier she'd have gone farther in life. Between you and me, I thought she turned out just fine the way she was," he added leaning in conspiratorially.

"I don't know about that. She was friends with you."

"Hey! Unfair!" Klaus said feigning offense. "Trust me," he continued, shrugging off the insult. "Once Five is on board, everything will be fine," he said reassuringly, but with little affect. "Then it really will be a dash and grab. Five will just do his little time warp thingie and..." He sucked air through his teeth and gestured for in-and-out. "We'll have Em out and free as a bird in no time," he added with a sigh and a smile.

Diego stared at him, only reacting when his wide grin faded. His mind had already been made up, but it was sti fun to see him sweat. He promptly grabbed him up and pulled toward the hallway - and all the way to Five's room.

------

"Klaus has something he wants to ask you," he said pushing past their brother when he answered the door.

"And what might that be?" he asked, confusion evident on his face as he shut the door behind them.

Once through the threshold doego released his grip on Klaus and took solace off in the corner, waiting to see how well he did with Five. Their brother would be a much tougher sell. He'd never even met Emily.

"Well," Klaus began with a nervous laugh, glancing back to Diego hoping to get some backup. His brother simply urged him on. Klaus sighed and his entire being deflated with his refusal.

"Klaus, what the hell is going on? I don't have time for another one of your ridiculous pranks," Five complained impatiently.

"I need your help rescuing a friend," he admitted freely, turning back to Five.

Five laughed freely at his request. "No," he said letting his facial expressions fall flat. "The last time I tried to help you I ended up having to warp out of police custody."

"But you did get out," Klaus cut in trying to avoid a retelling of their most recent mishap.

"And I had to be the one to explain it all to dad. Alone," he added with rising anger.

Klaus grimaced. "Yea. Sorry about that. I wish I could have been there, really, but something important came up. Real now-or-never type stuff."

"What? Like avoiding the inevitable end of the world? Because last I remember we've already fixed that problem and I can't think of anything more "now-or-never"," he threw back at him.

He knew Five was right. "I guess when you put it like that, I could have made it," he admitted almost sheepishly.

Five merely scowled at his admission.

"But this is different," he added quickly, pushing past Five when he went to kick them out of his room. Klaus shut the door and leaned on it for added security he would finish hearing him out.

"How so?"

Klaus' smile returned. His interest was piqued. "Because we...are gonna..."

Diego rolled his eyes. His sales pitch was quickly dying. "Because you're gonna have me," he stepping forward.

"Not that I don't doubt yoir abilities, but how does that any different? Other than your presence of course."

Their brother's smile widened. "Yes!" he exclaimed before Diego could answer, outstreching his arms toward him and crossing to be by his side. "Because Diego here is an extra set of eyes and ears," he added, cradling his shoulders and endearingly placing his hand on his chest.

Diego glared at Klaus. "Because I will make sure Klaus doesn't screw anything up this time," he answerd shaking himself free.

Five remained silent, considering Klaus 'mission'. He had become anxious lately to do more than just train and follow daddy's orders - even if it was what they all agreed to before their jump back. Not that he would ever admit that to Klaus, but he supposed it could be worth it of Diego was on board.

Klaus stated expectantly and his brother who eyed the two of them. "Say I help you. What is your grand plan to save...who exactly?"

Klaus smiled widely at Diego, ecstatic that things might actually go his way for once.

"Emily," Diego answered, ignoring Klaus.

"Emily?" Five asked surprised with a slight laugh. "You mean the bartender psychic?"

"Telepathic," Klaus corrected him. "But yes. Her. So will you help me? Please?"

Diego rolled his eyes at the duo. "Just say yes already. I can't take much more of this," he added exasperated, dropping down onto the chair at Five's desk.

"Alright fine," he finally agreed.

Klaus began to shower his brother with thabks. He sure hadn't been as appreciative of Diego's allegiance. He huffed to hide his offense. "Klaus!" He pointed at his wrist when he had his brother's attention.

"Oh right. So. Now that I have the best two brothers on board..."

"Klaus," Diego warned.

"Alright, alright. Stop getting your panties in a bunch."

Diego jumped up ready to strangle him.

"Hey! Calm down!" Five intervened. "Don't make me regret helping you," he scolded his brothers. "Now," he continued once the two had parted ways. "When and how are we supposed to save Emily? And from what?"

"I'm glad you asked," Klaus responded slyly before repeating the plan to Five

------

"There it is," Klaus whispered to his brothers, pointing out their entry point.

They crouched hidden among the bushes just outside the point of no return. A nun came out of the front door, followed by two others, and just as Klas said left the door open. Diego huffed quietly to himself and rolled his eyes. Klaus smiled widely.

"Okay," Five said shifting his jacket and bit and readying to jump. "Where is her room?" he asked staring at the building.

It was your typical, old-school convent turned boarding opp. The layout would be easy to figure out.

Klaus shut his eyes and mimicked going over a map with his fingers. "It should be, if memory serves me right, last one on the left, second floor," he said opening his eyes and looking toward the building too. "She always said one of the only good things she remembered about this place were the sunsets," he said quietly to himself with a sad sigh. "West side," he added.

And just like that Five was gone.

-----

He reappeared with a small pop in a girl's room. She was sound asleep, her back to where Five now stood. He crept to her bed and gently tried waking her.

"Emily," he whispered. "Emily wake up."

The girl began to stir, turning toward him. The sight of a boy by her bed had to be a dream. She rubbed her eyes and yawned, sitting up to wake up further. The realization that he was real hit her. Her eyes grew wide in terror and she screamed.

Five quickly covered her mouth. "Emily, please."

She quieted her screams realizing who he was and the fear in her eyes grew to confusion. She mumbled something into his hand.

"What?" he whispered, uncovering her mouth.

"I'm not Emily," she managed to stammer out quietly.

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Fifty

Table of Content or Part Forty-Nine

Wattpad

Word count: 4.9K

Warning(s): Explicit language, Violence, drug abuse

A/N: so this is annoying, I know, but as I was writing this chapter, I may or may not have made a plot hole that I went back in the story and filled in so it wouldn't contradict with this chapter, I think most of you will know what it is, I'd tell you now but I don't wanna spoil the chapter. Anyway, sorry if that bugs you guys but I was writing and it just flowed out but I did go back so the chapter it was first brought up in matches what happens in this one so it's not confusing for future readers.

Tag List: @unknownoblivion @sinningsixx @edwardtriggerhandzz @lemmyjelly @haileynicoleseavey17 @cierrasixx19 @oskea93 @mgkobsessed @vamprlestat @sharon6713 @itsametaphorbriansblog @miriampraez @allie-mcginn @rebeccaphillips14 @nicholeh7 @fandomshit6000 @lilmou5ie @tamedhearts @divaanya @kingbouji3 @evrsncnewyork @6ixx6ixx @ratedrkohardychick91 @floregrohlssard @oldschoolimagineblog @thanks2pete @abaldboi @swoopygorl @justjodeye @liith-ium @caos18blog @ytwahsog @shamlessobsessions @scarecrowmax @toadspleen @random-internet-user-4471 @solohqrry @loveofmyloif @sparxx27 @kaitieskidmore1 @xpoisonousrosesx @cruecifymesixx @ijustwanttokiss70srogertaylor @emmaelizabeth2014 @meetthesixxter @sixxsixxsexx @sublimeprincesswasteland @arianareirg @girlnight-terror @mcnibberachi

@fancywasmyname1 @teller258316 @ggorehorror @blowinmeupwithherlove @xrosegoldwolfx @mylifeisjustafeverdream

LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday, dear Nikki, happy birthday to you!" We sing as Nikki's about to blow the candles out of his cake.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Steven interjects, holding a joint above one of the lit candles, lighting the end of it on fire. "Okay."

He takes a drag of his blunt as Nikki blows his candles out, Tommy patting his shoulders.

"A whole twenty-eight years and you're still kickin', man." Tommy tells him and he grins.

"Who'da thought." Nikki adds, laughing, taking a sip of his homemade margarita.

"Okay, who wants cake?" I ask them, getting up from Tansy's dining room table to go get a knife from the kitchen.

I come back in to see Nikki and Tommy cutting at random parts of the cake with their switch blades.

"Guys, c'mon." Sharise scolds them, lightly hitting their arms before plucking the cake and icing covered blades from their hands.

"Boo, mom." Nikki sarcastically lets out with Tommy and Steven both echoing in "boo!"

"Hey, you're the good child." Sharise snaps her fingers at Stevie. "Don't let Chip and Dale contaminate you." She states to him, motioning to Nikki and Tommy, brushing past me to go to the kitchen to clean their switch blades off.

I give pieces of cake out, which isn't that much work since there's only seven of us in total: Nikki, me, Vince, Sharise, Tommy, Steven and Tansy, and once we're done eating, Tansy's insisting on presents.

"Alright, time for presents in the living room." She claps her hands together and we all head there, Nikki falling back on a couch and pulling me onto his lap.

"I'm gonna let you open 'em, babe." He tells me, patting at my hips where I shift to rest on one of his spread knees.

"Nikki, opening them is the best part." I argue.

"Which is exactly why I'm letting you do it." He replies, smiling tightly, but I know it's really because he doesn't feel like doing it.

I just roll my eyes playfully and Tansy organizes the presents around us.

"Okay, great and mighty one, which present would you like to be opened first?" I ask him and he leans over a little to see past me to examine the various shapes and sizes of his gifts.

"I want...that one." He points in the direction of a small, rectangle shaped box wrapped in news paper and Tansy hands it to me.

"This one's from me and Stevie." She adds.

"Thanks." I tell them, taking it from her and I dig into the paper and unravel it, seeing a black guitar pick, with a tiny name etched into it with white ink, I have to squint to make it out, but when I see who it's from, I know Nikki will love it.

I hand it to him, and he struggles to get his eyes to focus before looking at Tansy.

"Marc Bolan?" He asks her, impressed. "I didn't even think you knew who Marc Bolan was." He says to Tansy.

"I didn't until he died and Vince went into a depression over it for a few months." She explains. "But Stevie and I were thinking of what to get you, and then Doc helped me get in contact with his wife earlier this year and she still has his things and sent us that for you." She explains.

"Aww, that's cool." Sharise pipes.

"Guys, you didn't have to do that." I state.

"Aw, man, thanks, guys, I really like it." Nikki tells the two blondes, keeping himself from tearing up as he plays it off by clearing his throat, handing the pick to Tommy and Vince so they can look at it.

"You're welcome, dude." Steven replies.

"Alright, next is from..." Tansy looks at the name tag attached to a box wrapped in black paper. "...Tommy and Heather."

"It's kinda for you and Vivian." Tommy tells us. "We were gonna wait for Christmas but I figured it'd be better for your birthday."

"Is it raunchy?" I ask him to make sure.

"No." He assures me, smiling excitedly as I start unwrapping it.

I get it unwrapped and open the box to see a thickly packed book, and open it up to see an old picture of Nikki and I, visibly scowling at each other, looking like we're in the middle of an argument. He's in one of their old stage outfits they played the clubs in, in their early days and his black hair is completely covering his eyes, while I'm not wearing a trace of makeup, my hair pulled into a ponytail and my middle finger in his face.

Under the picture reads "The Whisky, '81."

I start flipping through it, seeing more candids and pictures of the two of us, featuring the guys, Tansy, their girlfriends at the time, groupies, Ozzy and his band, us with Sharon, the guys of Ratt, fans, us standing in front of important landmarks in other countries and different states we've visited in the U.S., our wedding photos, our reception pictures, "Shout at the Devil" era, "Theater of Pain" era...practically an entire montage of some of our biggest highlights and smaller, more intimate moments in between, featuring all of our friends and people we look up to and admire, all up to this year because there's even pictures of us hanging out with them recently.

Every picture is marked with a place, month and year and I sniffle back tears.

"You were so cute." Nikki comments as I pass the album to him and he's looking at one of the first pages at a picture of me and Tansy from one of their earlier shows. "You look like a baby." He adds, chuckling, patting at my thigh and I look at Tommy, more tears spilling over my lashes.

"Viv." He starts, smiling goofily at me.

"Aww, don't cry or I'll cry." Steven states.

"I'm sorry." I laugh a little, Sharise handing me a tissue from the box on Tansy's side table beside the couch before I'm getting up to see Tommy.

He's sitting on the edge of a comfy chair, and welcomes me with open arms when I sit across his long, skinny legs, and hug him as tightly as I possibly can.

Tansy leans over to look at the pictures with Nikki and she smiles.

"This was the night you lost your virginity, Viv!" Tansy pipes, holding the album up to show me a picture of me with my hand on ice--because Nikki slammed my fingers in my car door on accident--looking like I want to strangle Nikki and Vince as they try to wrap my hand up like a bandage, using a sock, which didn't work out anyway.

"You lost your virginity with one hand?" Steven asks me and Nikki and I exchange looks.

"It was her first time so it's not like she was doing much work, anyway." Tansy states.

"Okay, we can change the subject." I reply, awkwardly.

"She was doing plenty without needing her hands." Nikki insinuates reminiscently. "That's when I learned her little prude act is a cover up."

"Babe." I complain as Tommy squeezes his eyes shut, not wanting to imagine me and Nikki having sex.

"Fine." Nikki chuckles, nudging at Tansy to get him another present.

Once he's done unwrapping the rest of them, Sharise and I are picking up the wrapping paper and throwing it in the garbage can, and cleaning the place up while the guys talk in the living room.

By the time we're finished, we're heading back to the living room and I'm sitting down next to Nikki, laying my head on his thigh because I'm sleepy.

His fingers brush against the red strands of my hair soothingly, and I maintain on the brink of sleep, but still able to hear everyone's conversation and sudden bouts of loud laughter.

I'm nudged awake as Vince, Tommy and Steven talk about taking Nikki out to a few bars here in Malibu for his birthday.

Nikki stands up and I just put my head back down on the couch when he gets up before he's chuckling to himself.

"Let me get her to bed and I'll be out there." He tells them. "Viv, baby, c'mon, let's go to bed." He says to me and I stretch, humming softly as I wake up, sort of.

When he sees I'm not getting up, he leans down, and picks me up bridal style as Tansy points him in the direction of guest bedrooms.

My back hits the soft mattress and I feel him pulling at my jeans to get them off and I find the motivation to try to fumble to get my constricting bra off.

He sees me struggle to unbuckle it in my hazy state and scoffs a little, helping me get it undone before I'm throwing it in the floor.

He's pulling the covers back so I can curl up underneath them.

"I'll be back later, k?" He asks and I nod with my eyes still closed, getting comfortable on the bed.

"I'm sorry I'm so tired, I'll give you the best blow job ever later on." I promise him, knowing he probably expected a fun night for the both of us for his birthday. "And can you ask Sharise or Tansy if they can sleep in here with me until you get back?"

"Okay, Viv." I hear his smile in his words before his lips are pressing to my forehead for a second. "Goodnight, baby."

"G'night." I mumble.

He steps to the door and switches the light off before stepping out.

He hadn't been that affectionate since we got married.

I blamed it on the fact it on the fact that he'd "sobered" up to focus on the album and kicked heroin.

He'd gotten back on freebase, yeah, but cocaine, in any form, never made him mean or vindictive.

He would hallucinate and get scared, but he wasn't consciously mean for no reason.

Heroin, however, turned him into the devil, and by that point in his addiction he functioned better on heroin, than not, because without it in his system he just couldn't think of anything else other than getting a fix and if you weren't apart of his aid for a fix, you weren't worth his time and he let you know.

So I thought he had kicked his heroin habit for the most part because he was being nicer than usual to me but oh, no.

He felt guilty for cheating on me so he compensated by not being an asshole to me as much--yet.

It makes sense to me, now. I'd feel like shit, too, if I were telling my mistress I was going to leave my wife for her because my wife was "suffocating" and "draining the life" out of me.

Which translates to, "I'm leaving my wife because she doesn't like or contribute to my addiction."

Christmas came and Jason was Nikki's Santa Claus.

Then came New Years...which winded up being near death experience number one of two involving my safety at the hands of Sikki.

Sharise, Skylar and I pull into the driveway in Sharise's car, and she's putting it in park as I grab my few shopping bags.

"Thank you for getting me out of the house." I tell her, unbuckling.

"No problem." She replies.

"Bye-bye, Sky." I say, waving to the baby tucked safely in her carseat with her fist in her mouth, leaning closer to her to press a kiss to the bottom of her foot, causing her to smile and kick a little. "Bye, Sharise." I add, giving her a hug as best as I can.

"Bye, Viv."

"Call me when you get home to me know you got back safe."

"I will. Love you." She calls before I close the door.

"Love you, too." I shut the door with my bags in hand and step to the front door, fiddling with my keys.

Just as I step inside, I furrow my brows at the sound of Rabid dog fight, until I realize it's Nikki screaming.

"You're not making any fucking sense so just shut the fuck up!" He yells and I start cautiously walking to our bedroom, putting my ear to the door, hearing a woman crying. "Stop whining and just go fuck yourself! Fuck you! Fuck Jesus and get the fuck outta my house!" He barks louder and the door is flying open and I'm met with a distraught, jittery Vanity, who's eyes are wide as can be, and the smell of burnt cocaine nearly knocks me to the floor.

She stumbles past me and out the front door, barefoot, and I'm dropping my things to go check on her.

"Hey, do you need me to call you a cab or your driver?" I ask her as she continues to walk to our gate at the end of the driveway.

"N-No, I got it." She assures me, shakily, and I feel like I'm looking at a beaten puppy.

"Vanity, I can call someone to take you back home. It's a long way from here." I try to persuade her but she keeps shaking her head.

"I'm fi...fine, Viv, I promise." She insists.

"Do you at least want your shoes?" I ask, my thumb pointing in the direction of our house.

"No, I'm fine." She wipes her tear stained cheeks frantically. "I'll get them later."

She turns to keep walking but I look down at her feet that are only covered by her thin black stockings, then down at my shoes.

"Vanity, here." I pull my sneakers off and she watches me, her eyes struggling to keep focus as I crouch down and put them on her feet, tying them in a double knot so they won't come untied and trip her up. "You can just give them back whenever you can." I add and she gives me a nod.

I step back into the house, and don't even bother Nikki.

I don't feel like putting up with his nasty attitude.

A few hours later, I hear the bedroom door open, and he's slowly coming into the living room, turning on the T.V. and flipping it to MTV.

"Vanity was here." I say to him, turning a page in my book, as more of a statement than a question and he just stares at the television. "I don't like when she's here while I'm not around. I always come home to you two coked out and fighting. It scares me." I tell him.

"I dont know why." He mumbles and I roll my jaw.

"Because when you freebase you always end up waving a gun around." I state. "I'd hate to be the woman married to the murderer of Vanity."

"If you knew the whole story you wouldn't care if she died or not." He scoffs to himself and I furrow my brows.

"Well, then, what's the whole story?" I ask, putting the book down and he sighs out, shaking his head a little.

"She just picks fights. She likes to pick fights with me." He says and I rub my lips together.

"Well, damn, Nikki, I do that. That doesn't mean you scream at her like you do to me." I take up for her and he rolls his eyes.

"Vivian, I'm not arguing with you so just shut up." He tells me, tiredly.

"Are you back on junk?" I ask next and he let's out a heavy breath.

"Vivian." He snaps, glaring at me. "Drop it."

"I take that as a 'yes'." I mumble.

"Why the hell do you not stop when I ask you to?" He asks me sharply.

"I'll stop picking at you when you want me to, when you stop the drugs when I ask you to."

"And this is why I liked you better a few years ago because you kept your fucking mouth shut unless I wanted it open." He stands up, walking away.

"Yes, because me keeping my mouth shut out of fear of my significant other was so much better than feeling comfortable enough to voice my concerns for you." I trail behind him as he steps to the kitchen and grabs a beer from the fridge. "Nikki," I breathe out and he ignores me, causing me to cringe as he cracks open the beer bottle lid with his teeth, and before he can spit it in the floor, I'm plucking it from between his teeth. "I'm not trying to be a bitch or piss on your parade." I tell him, softly, throwing the lid away as he takes a swig of the beer, leaning against the counter. "I'm worried about you. Our friends are worried about you. Doc is worried about you."

"Doc's only worried about me because the office is on his back because I'm apart of the label's money train and if they lose me, they lose Mötley Crüe, and all the money we bring in." He states.

I feel bad, because it's true.

"I'm fine, Viv." He lies as he puts on a fake smirk that tries to tell me he has it under control, but it's really telling me he needs help...even if he doesn't realize he does.

He puts his beer on the counter beside him before pulling at my hand, tugging me to him, wrapping his arms around me and I hold him with my arms around his waist, looking up at him, trying not to gag because he smells like straight cocaine and sweat.

"I wanna write a song about you for the album." He tells me, his hand running through my hair.

"Are you being serious or deflecting from the fact I'm not very happy with you right now?" I ask, raising a brow.

"If I wanted to deflect anything I'd just bend you over and go to town." He shrugs and I cut my eyes at him.

He licks his lips before leaning down, but I put my hand over his mouth, stopping him from kissing me.

"After you get a shower and brush your teeth."

I'd hoped his spat with Vanity was the last for the day.

I shouldn't have thought that highly of him to only have one freebase session.

The house is pitch dark, not even the lamp in the living room is on.

Nikki must've cut it off when he went back to our bedroom.

I ended up falling asleep as he was taking a shower, and he didn't bother to wake me up when he was done.

I wait for my eyes to adjust to the darkness, padding over the fluffy carpet of our living room after I get off the couch and stretch.

My hands carefully feel around to make sure I don't run into anything while my feet make slow, deliberate steps.

I get to the door of our room, that isn't locked, surprisingly, and I turn the door knob.

It lets out an eerie, growling "creak" as it opens and I smell bitter drugs and hear heavy, loud breathing coming from the closet, gasps escaping between each breath as Nikki scrambles around.

I can't see anything but the very faint glow of a small tea candle in the closet that he's using to see what he does, but I know he's in there.

I take one step into our room, and a wail of the deepest fear cracks through the air before a booming gun shot chases after it.

I'm hitting the floor as fast as I can, screaming as my ears ache from the noise as he just starts shooting repeatedly, and the house shakes, my only chance of protection is getting under the bed and I rush to get there, covering my ears as my spine paralyzes with fear and more shots fire out. I hear things in our house breaking and shattering from  buckshot that flies through the open doorway as Nikki is shouting "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!" with raw tears in his voice.

I keep a hand over my mouth to keep from crying too loud or else he'll open fire in this direction and keep his aim low.

I don't know if I'm hit or not, I'm scared to move around a little just to see, because he'll hear me shifting around on the carpet.

He thinks something is attacking him, he isn't thinking about it being me.

I wait for several minutes, trying not to breathe loud.

Thinking he's settled down, I shift from under the bed as quietly as I possibly can.

My ankle pops with my movement, and I immediately know I've fucked up the second he starts up again, and I feel the pressure of a smatter of shrapnel grip to my thigh and I fall on the ground, my instincts kicking in to get the hell away.

This time I crawl out of our room until I'm tucked behind the wall that leads to the living room then I'm standing and tripping over things in the floor to get to the phone in the living room, praying to God that Nikki doesn't get ballsy and get out of the closet to try to chase whatever he's hallucinating that I am, out of the house with more shots.

I'm turning on the lamp and dialing my emergency number before turning the lamp off and dragging myself to the christmas tree in the corner, holding the phone to my ear.

"Hello?" Fred croaks tiredly.

"Fred..." I whisper.

"Viv? Why the fuck are you whispering?"

"N-Nikki's got a gun." I say as calmly as I can, another "BOOM" zipping through the house and I put my hand over my mouth to keep myself from screaming.

"Vivian, what the hell is going on?!" I can tell the sound of a gun has woken him up as panic fills his voice.

"He's got a gun, he's hallucinating, I got hit with some buckshot but I don't know how much." I very quietly say.  "Don't call the cops. He'll get in trouble." I add, taking deep breaths as the pain starts to set in.

"Viv, I'm coming, alright? I'm coming, get somewhere and get still. I'm coming." He promises.

"Please, hurry, Fred, I'm scared." I plead under my breath, tears rolling down my cheeks.

"I'm coming, I promise. I'm hurrying. I promise." He hangs up and a wave of quiet sobs rocks through my body, my eyes squeezing closed as I beg God to let Nikki come down.

I just got a sprinkling of metal pellets from the shell that the majority missed me, and it was in the side of my thigh, but I felt like satan had dug his nails into my leg, down to the bone.

By the time Fred's unlocking our door, and switching on the light, a angry look on his face as he has his pistol out, he heads to our bedroom before coming to me.

"He's out cold." He tells me, turning on the other light over the living room. "Holy fuck, Viv." He says and I look down at my thigh, fear gripping at my heart and I start crying.

My skin is torn to shreds, deep, black tails of metal are deep in my flesh and I'm bleeding everywhere.

"Alright, we gotta get you to the hospital." He tells me, scooping me up and my heart pounds.

"Is Nikki gonna be in trouble?" I ask him frantically, starting to get more and more worked up.

"We don't have to tell them how this happened, Vivian. You probably need fucking surgery to get that shit out of you or you're fucked. You don't have a choice." He states, carrying me out to his car.

Turns out buckshot is more brutal than I expected. I was rushed into surgery while Fred contacted Doc, and he got ahold of the guys before going to see notify Nikki he had shot his fucking wife.

Once I was finally out of surgery, they were pumping me full of morphine to ease the pain of my shredded thigh because they had to cut into more of me to dig around to get all the metal out.

"I want a divorce." I mumble to the sound of Doc and Fred talking quietly amongst themselves, as I come to, but keep my eyes shut.

"How're you feeling?" Doc asks me and I force my eyes open, squinting through my sleep.

"My husband just tried to fucking kill me. I'm not okay." I grumble, trying to sit up in the bed, expecting to feel the pain I felt before surgery from my thigh, but I don't feel anything.

I barely feel my emotions. "Am I drugged?" I ask them tiredly, glancing up at the IV drip they have me on.

Fred and Doc don't say anything, just observing my experience with the first strong drug I've been in contact with.

I lean back, actually relieved that I truly don't give a shit about anything right now.

"I get it, now." I scoff, closing my eyes.

"Vivian--"

"Did I hear Duff, earlier?" I cut Doc short. "Or was I dreaming?"

I recall hearing Duff slurring "where's he fucking at? I'll fucking kill the motherfucker? Where's he fucking at?" but can't decide if I was dreaming or if he was actually here at some point.

"He's in the waiting room with Steven and Slash." Doc informs me. "We had to get him calmed down before he got himself kicked out."

"He wants to kick Sixx's ass." Fred informs me and I smile a little to myself.

"I wanna kick Sixx's ass, too." I agree. "Go get them. I feel like I'm about to fall asleep again and I wanna see them before I go."

"Alright." Fred stands up and steps out of the room.

"The bullshit has got to stop, Doc." I tell him, hoarsely. "The heroin. The coke. The alcohol. All of it. I'm getting tired of fighting." I admit and he let's out a breath.

"I know, Viv."

"I'm so tired."

"When we get you out of here, I'll talk to him."

"Does he know where I'm at?"

"I tried to wake him up and tell him but he was too doped on smack." He explains.

"He told me he wasn't on smack anymore." I say, finding it weird that I know I feel sad, but unable to feel the weight behind the emotion.

Before he can reply, the knocking on the door signals Duff's arrival as he slowly opens it.

"Hey!" I greet him as cheerfully as I can, my eyes barely able to keep open.

"Hey, Viv." He tries to play off his feelings but I can tell he's been worried. "Uh, Slash and Steven had to head home but they're coming later on." He adds. "No, it's okay, you're here. That's all I cared about." My cold hand reaches out for his hand and he's taking it.

"I'll leave you two alone for a little." Doc tells us. "I'll see if I can reach Tommy and Vince, now."

He leaves us alone and Duff's rubbing his lips together.

"You've been drinking." I say with lack of filter.

"Yeah, I was out partying." He tries to play it off with a smile.

"I was, too." I reply, grinning lazily and he let's out a soft breath. "Oh, come on, if I can't joke about getting shot, I'll cry and I'm tired of crying so just humor me."

"I think I've been humoring you the past year, Vivian. Every time you've sworn he was gonna change." He says a little more seriously.

"He didn't mean to do this, Duff. He didn't. He gets high, and he gets scared, and he thinks something's after him."

"Fred told me if you would have been hit with the brunt of the shot, your leg would have been useless, Viv."

"But I didn't." I argue softly, a tear trailing down my cheek. "God keeps me safe."

"I don't think God wants you staying in a relationship with someone who fucking puts the life he gave you, in danger." He states.

"Do you even believe in God?" I completely belittle what he just said. "Because if not, it's in your best interest not to speak on His behalf." I finish.

"How the fuck are you so argumentative when you're on morphine?" He asks, managing to bury the argument that was brewing.

"I don't fucking know I'm just tired." I let out.

"I can go, I just needed to see you were--"

"--Can you sleep with me?" I ask him out of nowhere.

"I don't want to piss anybody off." He tells me, but I know he really means, "I don't want to risk Nikki finding out and getting the wrong idea."

"My ass is hanging out of this gown, thigh looks like a fucking piranha got a hold of it, and I've had to use the bathroom in front of a nurse so she can monitor the consistency of my shit. I feel violated in every sense. I don't give a fuck what people think of my best friend sleeping in the bed with me for comfort's sake."

"Scoot over." He says, and I gently move the best I can to make room for him.

He gets in next to me, lifting his arm to rest above his head so I can lay beside him comfortably, and before long, his soft snoring brings a peaceful blanket of serenity and wraps it around me as I give into the drugs in my system pulling me into a sleep so I can help myself heal.