#not my personal favourite ship but a very good ship nonetheless :3

[ashes-of-ailell]

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

Ashe & M!Shez

prebby blease

Them doing anything at allwould put a smile on my face

Hello Hello!! :3

Sorry this took a little while, I was asleep lol. Anyway, here's your lads!!

"No matter how hopeless the battle, I'll face it with courage so long as you're there with me" -Ashe (Final Letter).

Ashe's letter was the first one I got in Hopes, so after many other ideas for this doodle (including Ashe teaching Shez about flowers, Shez reading the letter Ashe receives in their A support, etc) I decided to go with this! I hope you like it!!

[totally-not-here-for-the-smut]

Too late, too tired, too pointlessly caffeinated given the time it is here but nonetheless I have a dumbsmut idea and im gonna write it bc my blog my rules

SO HERE IS A PERSONAL 100% ACCURATE RANK OF [♤!!!dongs ahead!!!♤]

HOW good the M6 are at chugging juicy whole eggplant salads

Worst to best ofc

Nadia- she overthinks it. Surely spent lot of time educating herself from big books about vegetables, yet goes for too complex, too unnecessary recipes. 3/10 sorry queen

Muriel - Not too experienced, yet has a good big mouth for big spoonfuls of crunchy fresh carrots, great endurance also. 5/10

Lucio - takes it as a personal challenge to open wide his big hangar for this tasty healty snack. Not his favorite (I mean, who likes to snack on raw veggies? A lot of ppl apparently tbh god bless them), but really needs to be told he's a good big boy at finishinf his plate. 6.5/10. Good boy.

Portia - well, we all know that she has a garden she plants, care and -her favourite- harvest herself, and everyone knows that the more care it's put into getting something, the more it is appreciated when consumed. Lovely face too. 7.5/10

Asra - Clearly a vegetarian, they spends most of their time enjoying hard veggies. So very gluttonous. Has great care of presentation too, they always prepare the table, room, light, complimentary clothes and incense, everything. Dining at Asra's a fine experience, 8/10

Julian - you should really research what cabin boys used to do on pirate ships. Involves leecheless barrels. 10/10, greates slut of them all, we love him.

[homestuck-iconz]

I asked mod rose this question already, but now it's your turn, dave

Thoughts on my favorite ships

Arasol (flushed)

Mitula (flushed)

Meowrails (pale, obviously)

Erifef (pitch)

Karezi (flushed)

Johnrezi (pitch)

before i start just know that i hold nothing against you personally for liking these if i dont, youre a respectable person and i can see your reasoning for each and every one of them with that being said... arasol, 5/10 the main quadrant i see for arasol is pale, in which i don't think would work in any sort of way, so i prefer it flushed... but that doesn't mean i LIKE it. i think being flushed is a lot less committed than being pale, like you can go through several matesprites but once you find a moirail they're probably gonna be life long, but i still don't think that sollux and aradia have that commitment in canon. i think that in au's, especially humanstuck, it could work- and that's why it's not a super low rating, just kind of mediocre to me. mitula, 8/10 this is a solid ship, and i don't have much to say on it because it's just... solid. probably my favourite dancestor ship, at least in the top 3, and in such a turbulent franchise as homestuck, it's refreshing to see a couple that is just healthy and in love for the sake of it despite the odds being against them. like i said, solid!

meowrails, 8/10 another solid ship that falls under the same category as mitula in my book: in love for the sake of being in love. there's a reason why equius and nepeta were the face of moiraillegance and the fact that nepeta is the only reason why equius was bearable to me at all in my first reread is probably a lot of why i like it so much, even now that i've come to appreciate equius' character more. it's just one of those ships where if you don't ship it.... why? erifef, 2/10 i just can't see this one at all. like mod rose said, i don't think erifef are compatible in any quadrant at all, but especially not pitch. no matter how the relationship devolved in canon, it started as a pale relationship where the two held pale feelings for each other, that evolved into distaste on feferi's side and flushed feelings on eridan's side, but it was never HATE for either of them. and i don't think it ever could be, feferi likes eridan even if she got pissed off with and somewhat tired of him by what we see, and eridan certainly could never hate her. the only way i could see it is eridan forcing himself to think the hurt he feels towards feferi is hate and pursuing her pitch, but still... i just don't see it. maybe there's au's where this could work, but i haven't seen any, so it's low in my books. karezi, 6/10 this one is pretty mediocre for me because i prefer other ships with them, but still, it's decently solid as a background ship for other ships i like. i don't ship it hard but i don't hate it, yaknow? i think the two of them had a really interesting and funny relationship in canon but i ship them as 'that one awkward crush where you both clearly had feelings but never acted on them so now the relationship is just kind of side-stepping around that' johnrezi, 7/10 again, pretty mediocre, mostly because i don't like john very much so i'm not passionate about any ships of his. nonetheless, i enjoy this one as one of the only displays of a good, healthy pitch relationship we see in homestuck and i honestly wouldn't mind consuming more media for it as it is probably my favourite john ship... though that is again down to the fact i'm not passionate about anything john-wise. i think johnrezi is solid though!

[twistedtekkit]

Views on Xephna, Honeyphos, and Rythna? Do you ship Ridgedog with anyone? Or Bebop?

Oooo A long one >:3

Xephna: I am generally unbothered by this ship! I understand the appeal quite well and generally think their interactions are always fun. Being a ship of two of the big three I can totally understand why people enjoy this ship. A lot of the art I have seen of it is also very cute. Not my favourite ship but for sure a good one! Honeyphos: Personally I don't really ship them. Their interactions have always leaned in favour of plantonic affection in my eyes. I think it does have the same appeal that Xephna does in that they're incredibly close with very interlinked stories and often headcanons but it's just not my cup of tea. Rythna: Hoo boy Rythna. Quite possibly one of the oldest ships I've held to this date! Back around the time tekkit was still coming out Rythna was the only yogship I had. I've very much enjoyed overthinking lore and slowly piecing together this huge fanon story with these two with @fuwafuwa-seren . This ship is very comfortable to me (enough to the point that I have a fic of it from 2015 that has a surprising amount of reads) and is always my go to yogship. I love them both as characters and the way their dynamic has changed and evolved especially within me and my friend's absolutely massive ongoing fanon. Do I ship anyone with Ridge?: Yes, I do! I've actually been a Ridgephos shipper for a while now. Originally getting into the ship upon returning to yog content in about 2018-2019. Which is around the same time I met my aforementioned friend! Before that I never really knew Ridge existed as most of my yog content was main channel only. I only started to expand my reach when I returned to yog content and thus didn't have a Ridge ship until then! Anyways their dynamic and the way me and my friend portray them has only made me adore this ship even more. Especially after finding things like Complete Pack and Modded Madness which allowed us more Ridge content to work with! Do I ship anyone with Bebop?: Also yes! While playing more of a minor role in my list of ships I quite enjoy VerbalVox. It feels like two chaotic entities join forces to cause havoc. Haven't really fully characterized these two in our fanon but I enjoy them nonetheless. Just two silly dudes.

(Please don't go looking for that fic on wattpad. It's incredibly poorly written and and also....maybe I plan on rewriting it :) )

[a-mel-tomelts]

DOKSOO SHIPPERS I'M SO SORRY IT MAY SOUND LIKE I'M AGAINST YOUR SHIP — I'M NOT. I LOVE YOOHANKIM EVEN IF I PREFER JOONGDOK.

AT THE END I SAY WHAT I LOVE ABOUT THEM DW!!!

I JUST WANT TO ADD MY OWN FEW CENTS INTO DOKJA'S REASONING

I LIKE TALKING ABOUT THE GUY. I'M VERY OPEN ABOUT DISCUSSING THIS GUY!!!

My thoughts below the cut:

Just a few chapters back Dokja found Jung Heewon, who was assaulted and had clear signs of abuse. And here in the chapter we see Dokja was looking for the same signs as well. He showed clear animosity towards people with intentions like that a few times.

Then Dokja ponders if he should leave Han Sooyoung alive because she's one of the fake-prophets. She can be a hindrance to his plans.

And then he hates himself for thinking of people like objects that can help him with scenarios—something he doesn't respect in YJH (as well as his own trauma but he doesn't like acknowledging it)

KDJ had a morale dilemma inside him about killing her but the Deputy calls for him. A deal. Her life in exchange for something. Dokja hears him out first (out of courtesy) and feels utter disgust at the whole situation.

One of the reasons he cared for HSY is probably because Dokja has softer spot for females. He respects every female he knows and even mentioned before "in this new world women and kids can have equal power thanks to coins" when discussing their group for the dark tunnel. (Scenario 3-4)

It's something I always notice when reading ORV. Dokja can be somewhat colder to men, even his loyal shield been shrugged off a few times. Of course it can be just him very busy with the scenarios but even Dokja himself thought that maybe he's a bit harsh on Lee Hyunsung.

Another point why he only cared for Han Sooyoung is because she was the only one he knew.

"Many of the people trapped behind bars were those I knew from Mino Soft. There were people I didn't know very well, people who didn't know me or who didn't care."

And we know how Dokja feels about people knowing his past. (The guy even mentioned the rumours. Thanks HSY for shutting him up<3)

But, in the end, it was all a ploy to make the Deputy even more disgusting in the eyes of the constellations and for Dokja to gain more coins. I think he planned to save all these people even before HSY (bc The King of No Killing resurrection skill) but she, a prophet, was coincidentally also his target. Two birds with one stone!

Actually my favourite bit with them is when Dokja declares "I'm not a hero and you're not a woman"

The story makes fan of stories where "The MC saves a damsel in distress" when it's not the point. Dokja does it to save people despite their gender. I still think he has softer spot for females because of his mother but he's not a manhater. (That would be early Jung Heewon)

Dokja hates people he deems bad by his own morals.

(it's especially highlighted during the war between Saints and Demons. He knows you have to pay for someone to live. He told it to Jung Heewon.)

So my point is. I don't see the undies as a +1 to the ship. BUT. As an act of Dokja's care and respect. He's a decent person and he despises how some people are literal clichés from the stories he read. He understands when people kill to survive. He did that, too.

But when they do unspeakable things just because they've got the power NOW... That's it! He judges them according to his own morals! That's what he learnt by reading TWSA! Save those he loves or who he can. His modifier even has Salvation in it!

He is by no means a saint. But of he can, he tries to be good. Just not the absolute goodness. He never promises that. He saved the people and then told them survive by yourself. He is a healthy amount of giving people. Partially selfish but decent and kind, nonetheless.

Speaking of DokSoo. Far better moments is when he praises HSY as a writer and wishes she was with him when he needs a talented speaker. You often see KDJ wishing for YJH but later on he really appreciates HSY being beside him. Her company as another person who's aware. She can be mean or rude or seem heartless (what he used for his companions to start fighting him) and even that he appreciates.

The 73rd Demon King is a highlight of their trust. I love when he asks for her opinion because he cherishes her views. It's so nice to see a main protagonist to be just a guy who doesn't know all the answers all the time and asks others. Their dynamic of a reader and a writer is so heartwarming especially at the end when it reaches its peak.

And as a cliché hater, I don't like love at first sight. (Tee-hee) Because what they build throughout the novel is much more dear to me.

P.S. the only times gender had any relevancy (imo):

1. Someone jokes/talks about Dokja's sexuality

2. What gender is Nirvana (Webtoon having They/Them pronouns is my favourite thing)

3. Jang Hayoung.

underrated DokSoo moment!?

This one here (or better saying: Dokja rescuing Sooyoung from the cage):

Why!?

Because in novel version, kdj wasn't even batting an eye when others were dying, but as soon as someone approached hsy's shirt, bro took out his sword and start raiding the place😂🤌🏻

And he said "let that woman go" ycjcsivjcygifhfuucufobhxtxjvyxucyxyducfuvjcyduvucuf

Also hello!? Kdj!!!!! Stop looking at her underwear wtffffff😂🤦🏻‍♀️

You are TOTALLY correct this is an underrated doksoo moment!!! (I am so sorry for replying to this ask so late I really wanted to properly sit down and reread the whole chapter because that underwear thing is new to me and you have AWAKENED something inside me…!!!)

White undies. You are telling me that KDJ was ogling HAN SOOYOUNG’S WHITE UNDIES and that made him decide those pure white undies were too innocent to be sullied by these men!? 

“….”

That dot dot dot always appears when KDJ really REALLY doesn’t want to let anyone know what’s going on in his brain!! 

Doksoo lenses off: Kdj may have possibly remembered his trauma of growing up watching his mom be abused by a man. There is a line in the novel that goes like “my relatives treated me like a leftover product”. Being objectified really strikes a nerve in KDJ and he still has that part of him that would choose violence against the men performing injustice towards women. 

However, thinking about or even processing his trauma doesn’t truly appear until much later in the novel. That’s why the ………. Appears there in the narration.

The world of TWSA was created to make him perceive himself. ORV was written to be read by him.

The scenarios he’s put in, the characters he meets, are all reflections of himself and are written there to teach him how to accept himself (pls refer to other people’s meta posts about this for a deeper dive). This is one instance of finding a mirror image of his own trauma. 

Do you still pick up the knife sword? Will you still point it at the big bad man who is trying to hurt the woman who would do anything to save you? …….Will you kill him?

Kim Dokja will make the same choice every time. 

Which is, he wants to, but he won’t.

But that man will still die. There is a writer who will take the consequences of the death of that man on his behalf. Whether if it’s his mother or if it’s Sooyoung….

(again, sorry I really wanted to screenshot it but I STILL haven’t been in front of my laptop the past week to properly sit down and find the quotes I wanted to support this ask. I haven’t written anything in so long, even. When will Lia start writing again?)

He was trying to rationalize choosing inaction but…

Doksoo lenses on: Yk in some version of my ORV worldview I was questioning, what if KDJ really is aroace in canon?? However!!! You have successfully changed my LIFE with this ask. 

KDJ was checking her out so hard that OTHER people noticed. This man made a mental note to notice that it was in fact, her panties, and NOT just the white fabric of a jean pocket or whatever. Staring so hard that even that guy was all “I’ll let you fuck her first”. Unreliably narrate all you want, KDJ, the rest of us know the truth…!!! We know why you really started raising the whole place!!!!!

ALSO!!! What makes this an EXTREMELY underrated Doksoo moment is that in this passage this is where KDJ starts memorizing her likes and dislikes!!

He says HSY here hates cliches but if I remember correctly……. He also says 1864th HSY doesn’t like cliches. To know her well enough to understand her habits….. 😭❤️ Doksoo save me

[katyspersonal]

Gherman and Eileen (and if neither are available/you want, Micolash <3) for the character bingo :)

Hahaha, no man, never give me a right to choose! Because I will always chose all. Because I always have something to say. And if I don't, I obtain an opinion as I go because I am unhinged dfsdgh

Gehrman

If this isn't my favourite character to discuss... :smh:

I only mention how terribly he was treated in every second post about him, the dude can shake hands with Chara Undertale on having the character ruined by fandom for fandom for years. xD I started swinging between 'You can have an unflattering interpretation of the character, just quit mocking and accusing people who disagree' and 'Actually no, forget it. It is not even an "interpretation", it is outright lore-inaccurate and tone-deaf and wrong. Why I should be 'okay' with you ruining a cool character? Sure, shoving away the actual character and replacing them with what you want to see is not BAD, but it is not GOOD either. How would you feel if I completely overlooked lore and portrayal of male characters you love, for example Djura, and replaced them with a punching bag for all my grudges with the sexism this wretched world commits? Would you people be cool with that?'.

I am under obligation of being 'understanding' because, honestly, the real villain here is localisation team that turned the whole angle of perceiving the guy over - that made it easier to ignore/misinterpret the shit load of other evidence for his case. Can't easily recall victorian mourning dolls, or that when Doll held an ornament full of his feelings - she cried in joy and compassion, not staggered in disgust, after the gross comment they put in his mouth, huh? Hire fans 👏

Nonetheless, the character is pretty interesting for many reasons, and it did feel a bit odd for me that he says like... one thing and then disappears for interaction. I don't even know where does he keep disappearing as a person stuck on wheelchair? *squints at Flora very loudly* I cannot pick him as THE best character because he at the very least shares the place with Maria, Micolash and Djura - and that's just my opinion! But he certainly just has so much going on about him, having had guts to commit to a horrible fate for the sake of humanity and out of his faith in Healing Church, all that. There are just so many things about him? Training the hunters and starting a workshop, combining ruthless traits and tragedy and tender love too. (Also aesthetic alone is immaculate).

Eileen

Annnnnd it is a bit funny that after the most controversial character, you listed the least controversial one... xd There are just no ways to mess Eileen up, really. No bad fandom trends, no questionable ships, no off the mark opinions, like... you have to be diabolically inventive to mess up EILEEN of all characters? She is a bit of a fresh air as a character who is basically perfect and there aren't things to disagree on :')

And I honestly think she is one of the most needed characters for the overall setting, and the coolest way to execute a concept - because someone SHOULD be out there mercy-killing blood-drunk hunters! Besides beak mask seems to be her original one, so perhaps she was a plague doctor before, and thus no stranger to mercy-killing before Yharnam? She is just so grim, yet so sympathetic. Drama potential with Crow of Cainhurst? Awesome. But, I am yet to find a very cool justification as to why she only goes blood-drunk in the scenario where we never interact with her? Like... what butterfly effect did we cause? I feel like there is a fantastic explanation for what could have gone depending on us, that is right here but I am not seeing it @_@

There is no unpopular opinion field though, however I think that the fact that Hunter of Hunters seems to be a "hostile" concept to the League is underexplored? Oath runes logic (like Beast's Embrace vs Kin and Corruption vs Radiance), also Valtr himself seems blood drunk? And she sounds as if she's been waiting for an excuse to kill Henryk? However both her and League pursue 'gone wrong' hunters, so maybe they have rivarly over who kills them? Do they fight over whether to bury them with an honour or rip their guts in search of some bug she can't even see? I need something aaaaaa

Micolash

This IS my favorite character yooooo

I can go on about him forever, and in fact I kinda sorta did in lore and headcanons posts now? I would not say he got done 'dirty' by the fandom, more like... could have been better? Not to downvote anyone's uploads, but finding more or less model accurate fanart of the guy can be more challenging than it should be? I often see him all prettied-up, with slick straight hair (and sometimes that one anime 'ahoge' strand), with wider/stronger chin instead of his sharp weak one, smug face that is anything but his tired/eerie look, sometimes hair is brown...

It is not 'done dirty' but rather, 'if your Micolash looks at least somewhat creepy/uncomfy/unattractive, you are doing it right'. Similar with personality and portrayal, maybe it is my not-enough-fanfics-read sorry ass speaking but I feel like the fact that dude is mentally unstable, crazy, ran a literal madcult responsible for kidnapping and mutilating/reviving corpses and is stuck in the nightmare of his own desire is... overlooked? He is often portrayed as just a quirky funny guy obsessed with books that is not dangerous at all, even though he is easily THE most evil character? Right, making character worse makes my blood boil *looks in Gehrman's general direction*, but making character better...? It just makes me... confused? I am not angry, I just don't know why? Again, if your portrayal of Micolash is at least somewhat repulsive - you are doing it right x)

Well as you can tell already I have my issues with the character, but I also love him for the reasons hard to explain? It is complexity, depth, the context of the character (terminal stage of falling for the hubris, but researcher rather than cruel hunter), voice acting in either language, eccentric behaviour, him being fucking funny but you shiver if you actually THINK about him, him being such a nerd that he's the only NPC without a real weapon (only magic spells), he is just so PERFECT - both for the setting and as a tragic figure that fell from the grace as a scholar and KEEPS falling. From moral standpoint I am supposed to hate him, but he broke the limits of humanity and morality so far away that my typical measures no longer apply?

(And yes, I am adopting him because the guy clearly needs a mom figure :pensive: Everyone wants him to be Bad and Quirky on them, but who will give him a motherly hug and tell him he can rest from despair for now? /lh )

[karajaynetoday]

i'll be honest, it's better off this way | luke hemmings

image credit 

hello pals! long time no writing! i know it seems a bit weird to post a luke break up fic just after he got engaged but to be fair, I already had this in the works before the news broke yesterday, so soz not soz. It is kind of a happy break up story though... kind of? this one features lyrics from our song by niall and anne marie that are in italics throughout the piece (you know i love a song lyric incorporation lol) and i’m a bit rusty, so any feedback is welcome! a big shoutout to my dearest @notinthesameguey​ for beta-reading this one for me, you’re a gem blanca! enjoy xo

Word count: 2.3k

Warnings:  mentions of a break up and a car accident/hospitalisation (minor/non-graphic)

(This is a fem reader insert)

More writing here | send thoughts/feedback/suggestions here | if you’d like to be on my taglist go here

I'll be honest, I'm alright with me

Sunday mornings, in my own bedsheets

The break up with Luke had been easier than you’d first thought. It’d been months of growing apart, feeling like a stranger in your own home, before you finally worked up the nerve to utter those four words: We need to talk. He’d been spending most days and some nights in the studio, and you’d been working overtime at your job too; you were ships in the night who barely had time to say hello and goodbye, let alone have any sort of proper conversation. You’d spent an entire evening rehearsing a script in your head, and as soon as Luke walked through the door and greeted Petunia, you mustered the courage to stand up and speak your truth. 

It turned out that you weren’t alone in feeling stagnant in your relationship, and although you could feel your heart breaking as you said the words, Luke’s hand on your knee was all the gentle reassurance you needed. Just like always, even when your relationship was falling apart, Luke was there for you. And that’s what he promised, that night in the living room. It didn’t make sense for you two to become strangers overnight after 3 years together, but you also both knew that you needed space to grow and heal, and that space needed to happen sooner rather than later. 

You could tell that part of Luke wanted to fight it, wanted to raise his voice, wanted to convince you to stay. But part of Luke also knew that it was time to walk away, no matter how much his heart was feeling like it was being ripped out of his chest, because he did truly love you, and if he loved you, he’d let you go. 

Even though Luke insisted you could stay in the spare room for as long as you liked, it only took a week or so to find a new place. An apartment in KayKay’s building opened up for rent, and thanks to her help, you secured the lease and started moving in as soon as you could. Ashton accompanied you to Ikea and then helped with assembling a new bed and dining table for you, while KayKay helped unpack some of your boxes. You could tell that they were trying to be sensitive, but at the same time were desperate to know what went down in the break up, and after a few slices of pizza and half a bottle of wine, you felt the emotions rushing to the surface.

“It feels dumb to get upset, after all, I was the one who suggested we should break up.” You sniffled, smiling sadly as Ashton handed you a tissue.

“Just because it was something that needed to happen, doesn’t mean you can’t be sad about it. You two shared a lot in the time you were together, it’s only natural that it’s going to take you a while to untangle yourselves from one another and to get your head and heart back on the path that’s right for you.” KayKay spoke softly, throwing an arm around your shoulders.

You knew she was right, and the healing would come; it was all part of the rollercoaster of walking away from someone you thought was the love of your life, but had turned out not to be. Time to adjust and find some independence, and re-shape the life you found yourself in until it was the life you wanted. 

But every time I think that I can get you out my head, you never, ever let me forget

Once you’d completely moved out Luke’s house, your reasons to contact him became few and far between. A few occasional texts to advise that he’d let his family know about your split, and a link to a new cafe nearby that he thought was your kind of vibe (and it absolutely was). Everyone in your friendship group was trying their best to help you both cope, but it was hard to avoid the awkwardness that came with a break up of close friends.  

You felt like you were walking on eggshells for a while, so you started to say no to invitations out. You threw yourself into a new work project, and barely replied to any group chats. Whenever your friends called, you had the perfect script rehearsed, about how you were going to be up for promotion, and after the next month or so, you’d have plenty more time for catching up with everyone. You were fairly certain that no-one believed your story, but you were sticking to it nonetheless. You’d seen photos online of Luke out and about with various beautiful women amongst the partying crew, and even though you knew better than to torture yourself with doom-scrolling through the internet, you couldn’t help yourself. You had to keep reminding yourself that it was YOU that wanted the breakup, and that it was for the best. Or something like that.

It was coming to the end of your big project, and the entire office decided to head out for celebratory drinks. You only stayed for a couple, because after a month of overtime you were ready for bed. Your boss took you aside to assure you that the promotion was yours and the new contract would be on your desk on Monday, and as you reassured him you were excited to take on the role, a song playing over the bar’s speakers made you stop in your tracks. You’d spent many a Sunday morning dancing around the kitchen making pancakes with Luke and singing these words; something you’d completely forgotten until this moment. As you stepped outside to await your Uber, the first person you wanted to call with the news was Luke. Your fingers hovered over his name for a good few minutes before your Uber driver honked and broke you out of her trance, and you settled for texting the group chat instead to share your exciting update. Lots of confetti and heart eyes emojis started popping up alongside congratulatory messages, and you let out a giggle when you saw that Luke had sent a photo of Petunia with “congrats!” scrawled across it in purple font. It was the last thing you remembered, before the squealing of tyres and your vision going black. 

Just when I think you're gone, Hear our song on the radio

Just like that, takes me back, To the places we used to go

The rhythmic beeping of the hospital monitors was the first thing you noticed as you stirred awake. The second was a dull pain across your skull, and the third was that your arm was in a sling. Fourth was the large, warm hand that was holding your own and gently squeezing; without opening your eyes, you knew it was Luke’s. You felt too weak to say any words, so instead you tried your best to squeeze back as you slowly opened your eyes. You heard a sharp intake of breath, before Luke’s smiling face came into view.

“Hey there, sweetheart. How are you feeling?” Luke asked, reaching up to gently brush some hair out of your eyes.

“Like I was in a car accident.” You managed to croak out, shooting him a wry smile and earning a laugh in return.

“You are correct, you can pass go, and collect $200. A pretty gnarly accident, the car’s a write-off, but thankfully everyone’s injuries are relatively minor. Some dickhead ran a red light.” You could tell Luke was trying to remain calm, but under the surface he was pissed.

“Not ideal, but at least I get a few days off work.” You joked, grimacing as you tried to sit up. Luke stood and gently maneuvered your pillows to support your back and shoulders better, and you felt a zap of electricity as his hands brushed your arms in passing.

As Luke sat back in the chair next to the bed, you suddenly realised that it was just the two of you in the hospital room. 

“No offence, Hemmo, but what are you doing here? Considering we’re no longer significant others, and all…” You said awkwardly, looking down at your arm sling with sudden great interest.

“Very observant, dear. Glad to see the concussion hasn’t affected your short term memory, I was worried you’d forget me entirely. You did, however, forget to update your emergency contact details, so I guess I was first on the list for the hospital to call. Ash, KayKay and I have been taking shifts but they’re out getting food right now - “ The rest of Luke’s explanation was cut off by a gasp and a cheer at the door, signalling Ashton and KayKay’s return and subsequent delight at you being awake.

The days that followed were uncomfortable physically, but kind of heartwarming emotionally. You got home to your apartment thanks to KayKay’s assistance, and found that your friends had stocked your fridge and freezer full of ready-made meals and your favourite snacks. They’d also made a roster so not a day went by without someone popping in to check on you, although you noticed that Luke never came by. 

Your recovery was slow but steady, and soon enough the doctors gave you the all clear. At this point, it was nearly 6 months since you’d broken up with Luke, and you could feel your mindset shifting. He was no longer the first person you wanted to call with good or bad news, or the first memories that popped into your head when you needed cheering up. It almost felt like… relief? Because for the longest time, even though you knew the break up was for the best, detaching yourself from one another seemed almost in possible after so many years of so many memories. 

I've been waking up alone, I haven't thought of him for days

I'll be honest, It's better off this way

The tipping point came at Calum’s birthday party, a month or so later. Ashton had invited you out for coffee and nonchalantly mentioned that maybe, possibly, well actually extremely likely almost definitely Luke was bringing a date to the gathering at Cal’s house; a girl he’d been seeing for a month or so. Everyone wanted you to be comfortable, and everyone, Cal especially, wanted you to be there, but they also understood if you wanted to avoid any potential awkward encounters with Luke and his new love interest. You assured Ashton that it would be fine, that you honestly weren’t bothered, and laughed off his suggestion of setting you up with a super hot blind date to help level the playing field.

The night came along, and you found yourself stumbling along Calum’s front path in the dark as you tried not to drop the gift you’d bought for him (a new cookbook and a collection of various hot sauces).  “Bloody 5sos and the “no good party starts until 11pm rule”, you muttered to yourself as you almost tripped over again, and you heard an indignant shout that sounded very Ashton-like behind you.

“Oi! Don’t be mad at us, you know that rule has never let us down!” Ashton bellowed, as he came forward with his phone flashlight switched on, KayKay not too far behind him.

“Damn girl, you like fiiiiiine!” KayKay said, letting out a low whistle. You rolled your eyes, knowing she was exaggerating. Your outfit was essentially a denim skirt and a t-shirt - maybe you’d sexed it up a little bit with some thigh high boots, tousled hair and a red lip, but all’s fair in love and war, right?

The three of you made it inside, and a very tipsy Calum greeted you with open arms and a lot of excitement at your gift of hot sauce. It felt so nice to be back with all your friends at a house party, like the old days, and you found yourself stepping out onto the back patio for a moment of quiet reflection and to share some pats with Duke.

You’d exchanged a wave with Luke when you’d entered the house, but hadn’t quite worked up the confidence to go up and speak to him, especially when he had his new girl in close proximity. She looked really friendly, though, and you could tell from the spark in both of their eyes that their relationship was blossoming in the best possible way. Part of you thought you’d be upset about it, but all you truly felt was content. Content in your life as it was, surrounded by friends that loved you just as much as you loved them, and actually quite proud of how far you’d come over the past year. You’d learned to stand on your own two feet, and you’d grown into a much more settled, independent human as a result. 

You were lost in your train of thought when you heard the song change on the speakers inside. Duke’s ears perked up and he licked your hand attentively when you stopped patting him as the song registered - it was your song. Or at least, it used to be. You felt a smile creep onto your face when you remembered the Sunday mornings of pancakes and singalongs, and the smile grew wider when you saw Luke’s girlfriend dragging him onto the dancefloor, much to his (fake) protests. You made eye contact with your kind-hearted, softly-smiling, gentle-eyed ex-boyfriend, and for a split second you saw a flash of concern cross his face. In response, you raised your glass in a cheers and shot him a wink, which earned a smile and a small laugh from Luke before he turned his attention back to the beautiful girl in his arms. You took a sip, and smiled to yourself. It truly was better off this way. 

When I hear it, I just can't stop smiling, I remember you're gone

Baby, it's just a song on the radio, That we used to know

Taglist: If there’s a line through your name, I couldn’t tag you, so please message me to let me know your new URL or what the go is!   @suchalonelysunflower @blackbutterfliescal @redrattlers @loveroflrh @spicycal @notinthesameguey @metalandboybands @cheekysos @ashton-trash  @another-lonely-heart @queenalienscherrypie  @becihadshawn  @allthestarsandthemoon  @oyesmendes​ @andrianawinchester @333-xx  @findingliam-o @hoodhoran @rbforsmileycal @myloverboyash @myhappylittleyoutubee @saywhatnow07 @secretsicanthideanymore @ar1analara  @killmywildflower​

[gametriprant]

What's your favorite videogame and why?

Muchas gracias!

Oh wow, that's a VERY hard question for me...I cannot answer with just one single videogame, but I'll have to say a few at least...

Let's start with the classics, Command & Conquer, my first pc game, because it was complex for me and had a very curious story and amazing videos. And then StarCraft, for the story, I was in love with the story (and a bit with Kerrigan tbh 😳).

Then we have Sonic 3&knuckles , which is the perfect Sonic game, amazing and long and fun and that made me spend a lot of time playing it and finding its secrets and endings. Or Soleil, an amazing RPG that sadly not everyone knows about but had amazing plot and amazing music.

We have Tie Fighter, an amazing flight simulator with a deep story that made me love Star Wars and the imperium, because they had the coolest ships tbh.

Graphic adventures, I loved the classics, Monkey Island and Indiana Jones and the fate of Atlantis, they were funny and fresh and complex and made you think, and even now it's fun to play them. And Grim Fandango, that was later but it left a big mark on me, i still remember the amazing Spanish dubbing actually using voices from South America's different dialects.

Later on I also played with Playstation and FFVII is a must, it was like playing an anime and it was epic. It's music gave me goosebumps....Metal Gear Solid was also from the time, I played 5 minutes of it and decided to buy the console and the game right away, again because of the complexity of the story and the feeling you were in a movie....

I've always loved horror and resident evil 2+3, and silent hill, made me scared and tense, it was great to play them, especially silent hill, the level of creepiness it achieved was amazing....

From more recent games, I have to say. Mass effect 1-3, a sci-fi adventure that was incredible to experience, and made me relive some of my favourite sci fi tropes and books but as the protagonist. And going back to horror, Resident Evil VII, I loved every second of it, it scaled down again and focused in a small area and was very intense and personal, and so scary and disturbing....

And very very recent, Horizon Zero Dawn+forbidden west and Elden Ring. The first one because it felt real, felt like a true story, like something special, an epic movie, and it touched me deeply. Elden Ring, because it was hard and unforgiving but incredible nonetheless, and I felt drawn to it and had to play again and again till I got good, and I enjoyed it a lot.

[hyunrun]

Dream SMP/Batfam

This is my reasoning for connections between Dream SMP members and the Bats. This was all just for fun, but feel free to give feedback if you’d like! And do say if I’ve made a mistake. I haven’t done everyone, so if there’s anyone else you’d like me to do, lemme know! Please read, I spent a good while on this :D

Batman (Bruce Wayne)/Technoblade: Technoblade's Dream SMP origin story starts with his parents dying, so the backstory fits. He swears to kill all orphans because of the way they killed his parents (Similar to the way Bruce wanted to stop crime from running rampant in Gotham). Techno is also, technically, an orphan as Bruce was. I've always imagined Bruce's voice to be kinda like Techno's, especially that monotone tone he uses, and especially when he's Batman and not Bruce Wayne. Bruce Wayne is -Bat-man and Technoblade is a pig, need I elaborate? Both of them seem to stay up till ungodly times of the day, and I'm sure their sleep schedules are never on the same clock as anyone else's, Bruce's because of his vigilante lifestyle and Techno because... well, he's a Minecraft YouTuber. Both of them have a father figure, although not biological. They also have a friendly rivalry with a fellow content creator/hero (Cough Dream/Superman cough). We say Dick/Wilbur is dramatic, but you can't possibly mean to tell me Batman/Technoblade isn’t subtly more dramatic. They practically invented being dramatic in their respective businesses.

Alfred Pennyworth/Philza Minecraft: Is the father figure to Batman/Technoblade. Is really a force of chaos but everyone pictures them as a soft, loving dad because we all have parental issues and we need more father figures. Both of them are very badass in their own ways. Old and British. Here's a parallel I thought was pretty cool. Philza had been building up his hardcore world for 5 years before he died. It was like his home disappeared in front of his eyes as he fell away from his life. I'm not sure which continuity/arc this is from (Please do not hate on me, I am but a small child) bUT I do know that Alfred died of a heart attack/stroke at the same time the Wayne Manor was destroyed. His home was destroyed as he died. Just as Philza's had been.

Damian Wayne/TommyInnit: Is never really loved by anyone at first glance (From the fandoms). Tommy's the loud, annoying one, Damian's the grouchy, haughty one. But everyone eventually gravitates towards their characters later on. Their families were wary of them at first but grew to love them. Both of them are the youngest, and generally angriest child. Both are not American, Tommy being British and Damian, Arabic. They both have ICONIC mothers. MotherInnit is a queen, we all know this. If she can handle Tommy, she can handle absolutely anything. Talia Al Ghul has a reputation of her own right, and while she hasn't quite the pristine repertoire, she definitely strikes a strong mark on people. Now, this is a dumb connection between the two, but hair!! Tommy’s seems nice and floofy while Damian's is generally drawn spiky, and I think that's a cool contrast. Their love for pets is also important to note. Tommy's the one that's known for starting wars over the deaths of his pets, and it's easy to know that Damian wouldn't hesitate to hurt someone if they did anything to Titus or Batcow. It’s been shown on multiple occasions that he loves his pets a lot.

Jon Kent/Tubbo_: Best friends with Tommy/Damian. Do not try to argue that Jon and Damian aren't best friends because come onnn. And PLEASE do not take this as a dumb excuse to ship Tommy and Tubbo, as I know people ship Dami and Jon. Both are the embodiment of chaos wrapped in kindness, and both are definitely the more stable of their friendship with the other gremlin children. I am confident that both would probably refer to their parents as mother and father dearest. You cannot convince me otherwise. Tubbo has already done so, and Jon would never disrespect his parents, so this would obviously be the next best alternative for when he is upset by them. Jon’s powers fluctuate upon shifts in emotion and he can’t really control his powers, like the shifting of Tubbo’s alter egos. We never know when Toob or Big Law will creep out of the shadows.

Dick Grayson/Wilbur Soot: (Second) most dramatic in the family, though perceived as the drama queen because of their boisterous personalities. The one that was probably a theatre kid in school. The lighthearted one that keeps everyone cheerful, but also the one with the easiest path to a horrid descent into madness. They have a flair for drama, the glitter and sparkles to Batman/Technoblade’s sombre smoke and haze, which is why they work together so well. The closest family member to Tommy/Damian. Their little brother/big brother dynamics are just impeccable. Both are the most simped for by their respective fanbases (from what I’ve seen). The token pretty boys. Both artistically talented in different ways, with Wilbur’s music and Dick’s acrobatic skills. Also the ones that get constantly shipped with every woman they literally even look at. They also express their dramatic tendencies through their clothes, Dick with his jazzy Discowing suit and Wilbur’s dramatic L’manburg outfit.

Superman/Dream: The OP gods, need I say more? Friendly rivals with Technoblade/Batman. Very often perceived as ‘Perfect’ which they are not, but many refuse to accept that. A funny parallel I drew was the fact that both of them are famous in their own rights, but can just walk around and not get recognised despite millions of people knowing their online/superhero identities. Both are technically not human.

Stephanie (Batgirl/Spoiler)/Sapnap: Both of their names start with S! Not my only reasoning, but I’ll take it into account anyway. Both are basic looking in my head (Blue eyes blonde hair for Steph?? There’s at least 3 other girls that look EXACTLY like her in the nearby DC universes. And Sapnap blends in with every other white boy, though I love him regardless.) but both also have immaculate personalities to make up for it. They’re the most normal people out of all their co-streamers/superheroes in my eyes, also my favourites. (I didn’t realise as I put them together that I loved them most but here we are). They’re both great at dumb banter. They don’t have huge, hilarious bits often or any constant jokes that are pulled on time and time again, but their general atmosphere makes everything seem like a joke. They may not be the best at what they do in their friend groups but are actually really good nonetheless and do not get due credit for their effort and talent sometimes. Has a warring relationship with Damian/Tommy (Sapnap over the pets and Steph and Dami didn’t have the most friendly relationship at the start)

Jason/BBH- Same but opposite but same. Exists to cause chaos. I wouldn’t have associated these two with each other till the Badlands became a thing… but then the Badlands became a thing and I had to. Now, I know that technically Bad doesn’t have a grudge against Techno, but Jason would totally set up a whole empire just to mess with Bruce’s plans, just to get in the way, to instigate, to fan the flames of the fire till he’s driven Bruce to his breaking point. Bad isn’t exactly trying to do that, but he’s only around for the chaos. He’s only here for his own benefit, and he’s only here for that because of the hurt caused to him by the nation he came from. A parallel being Jason causing havoc because of the pain Bruce caused him. Besides, both have a cool red and black colour scheme, and both wear jacket!! Both are also technically not alive (If we're considering BBH as a demon).

Roy Harper/Skeppy: I have absolutely no explanation for this, but it just Fits. Besides, they have cool opposing colour schemes and are best friends with BBH/Jason!!

Aaaand last but not least

Jason/Technoblade: Now you must be thinking But Kaly you already spoke about them! And yes, I did, and they do go really well with their respective characters but I couldn’t simply ignore the connection between these two, so I thought I might as well write about it. Technoblade was an English major (If I remember correctly) before he dropped out to pursue his youtube career. Jason, though this may not be a well-known fact, was a definite literature nerd at school before he met his demise. Their cut off education in English is an interesting parallel to me. Both of them also have destructive tendencies, with Technoblade being an anarchist and Jason periodically running an underground empire to make sure he can do whatever the hell he wants to. They don’t generally care who they hurt on their way to reach their end goal. Jason’s reckless shooting and killing clearly shows this, as he continuously justifies his actions by saying he’s ending crime rather than just making it wait in line for its turn to pop up again, while Technoblade’s release of the withers and excessive use of his firework crossbow clearly shows that the deaths of the residents of L’manburg do not matter to him as long as he abolishes the government.

[fishoutofcamelot]

I'd like to preface this by saying that I love your blog and all the analysis that you've done on various characters, scenes and ships. You are one of my online heroes. I'm not sure if you're still doing the ship asks, but if you are, what are your thoughts on frelin?

Dude tysm! I’m not sure ‘online hero’ is a great way to describe someone who once made a post comparing dragonlords to furries, but I’ll take the compliment nonetheless!! Your kind words have given me enough dopamine to last until my next paycheck <3

Freylin is a decent ship - conceptually. They're two kindred spirits who found solace and intimacy with each other, drawn together by their mutual sense of otherness (possessing magic). However, I think Freylin does fall into some obvious trappings of Insta-Love, Heteronormativity, and Not Giving Female Love Interests Any Discernible Personality Traits.

For some people, that's not a problem. They like watching Merlin and Freya be cute and sappy with each other, and I'll agree that it was a treat to see such a fun side of Merlin. If that's the kinda ship you like, then great! Ship away. But personally, Freylin makes me feel bad for Freya. 

Not because of the death thing - lord knows I've done far worse to beloved characters without even a hint of remorse. But I feel bad for her because of her role in the ship. As mentioned above, her main purpose in the narrative and in Merlin's life is to give him some angst, then come back later in season 3 to give him some helpful advice as a sort of Freya Ex Machina. Her personality has no depth beyond what was necessary for the story. And even in fanon interpretations of her, she's essentially just a more shy/introverted carbon-copy of Gwen. 

And, okay, as a writer I can admit that there are some characters who don't need a lot of depth. Some characters are plot devices, and that's okay. Freya only appears in like two episodes, so under normal circumstances I'd begrudge that level of shallow characterization. But the rules are different for characters who have a close emotional connection with the MC, especially love interests - even episodic dalliances like Freya! 

Take Balinor, Will, and Daegal, for example. They were all important to Merlin, and all had distinct personalities. Balinor is cantankerous and reclusive. Will is pragmatic and confrontational. Daegal is earnest and youthfully naive. And we as the audience liked them too, because they felt like actual people, even though their main purpose in the story is mainly to serve Merlin's arc. They are, fundamentally, plot devices, but they don’t feel like plot devices because of how organically they’ve been written. 

Freya is a harder sell, because she doesn't have as much of a personality with which to endear us. I'm not saying we need to know Freya's favourite colour and her fondest childhood memory, nor do we need to witness her go through a seasons-long character arc. Not every background character needs their personality painstakingly detailed, least of all background characters. If well-written main characters are chicago deep-dish pizzas, then well-written background characters are hot pockets - easy to make, easy to love, easy to remember. Characters like Gilli and Elena and the love of my life Sophia are good hot pockets. But Freya as she currently is, she's not even that. She's like if we were told there was a hot pocket in the microwave, only to open it up and find it's just a lump of half-melted cheese. 

And it's sad, because Freya had the potential to be interesting. She could've had a distinct personality that made us fall in love with her right alongside Merlin - which would have made her death even more painful for both the characters and the audience alike. But even if you don't give her a personality, at the very least let her fulfill her purpose of furthering Merlin's character arc instead of just making him sad for a few minutes. 

While I'm by no means an expert writer, here's how I would've taken a crack at having Freya’s impact on Merlin's arc. 

So Merlin sees Freya again, but she's not some helpful water spirit. She's emotional and volatile and vengeful and deeply, profoundly traumatized by the nature of her death. And maybe it's his job to finally lay her soul to rest once and for all.

She gets upset at Merlin. She cries and shouts and weeps about her death, about the pain and injustice of it. How could he continue protecting her killer? How could he befriend the man who literally murdered her? Freya didn't want to die, she didn't want to be a monster, she didn't want to be alone (cue implications that she has been trapped inside the lake all this time, maddened by isolation). She just wanted to be left in peace. To be loved. Merlin naturally defends Arthur, saying that he is destined to be a good king, destined to free magic and bring about the golden age of Albion. But she insists that destiny must be wrong, because what has Arthur done for the magic community besides perpetuate his father's company line? He killed her, killed several others like her, and even to this day he condones the oppression of their people - what makes him think a man like that could ever change, could ever set them free? And even if he does, why should any of them be expected to forgive him for his war crimes? 

She tells him that deep down, Merlin knows this. Deep down, Merlin fears Arthur just as much as the rest of them. If he truly believed in Arthur's inherent goodness, in his destiny, then Merlin would not have kept his magic hidden for so long. 

Thus sparks a seed of doubt in Merlin's mind, and scenes like Morgana's speech in Tears Of Uther Pendragon Part 2, Arthur's drive to destroy the dragon egg in Aithusa, Kara's execution in Drawing in the Dark, and the confession in Herald of a New Age would only cause that seed to grow. 

Not only is this a natural and logical progression of his character, but it would also be compelling to see Merlin's unwavering loyalty to Arthur do exactly that - waver. It grants depth to his character, empathizes us to his cause and the cause of his people, and lets us see Merlin in a unique perspective. It also puts a new light on Arthur's actions, foreshadowing an eventual moment of reckoning where Arthur will have to face the consequences of his harmful rhetoric - thereby creating a subtle layer of tension as we wait for that moment to finally arrive. And there's yet another layer of tension that arises from Merlin's repressed yet growing doubts: will he finally admit that Arthur isn't the shining saviour Kilgharrah had promised he'd be? Will he snap like Freya did? Will he and Arthur drift apart? And if they do, what will bring them back together, if such a thing is even possible? How will they make amends? How will Arthur learn from his mistakes and earn back Merlin’s trust?

I could go on and on about how this would impact the story as a whole, but I'm not here to talk about my rewrite ideas. I'm here to talk about Freylin.

At the end of the day, while it's a good ship, Freya doesn't have much personality, which affects their overall chemistry, and I don't think they have enough going on between them to be an endgame pairing. My personal opinion is that Freya has less narrative potential as a romantic partner, and more narrative potential as a supplementary background character whose closeness to Merlin combined with her own trauma forces him to develop and grow in certain ways. She's less of a Gwen (long-standing love interest), and more of a Balinor (one-off character with emotional importance), and that's perfectly fine. But because of her lack of personality and overall narrative relevance, I have a hard time believing or shipping Freylin beyond the scope of her debut episode.

Thanks for the ask! <3

[wlwkiranerys]

Send a character: Kira Neyrs >:3c

thank you <3 glad she’s my first ask <3

Sexuality Headcanon:

as if my icon hasnt made it clear, she’s a lesbian, i just the way so much of her story reads like her going through comphet..they’re just a lesbian <3

Gender Headcanon:

nonbinary. uses she/they pronouns

 A ship I have with said character:

jadzia <3 kira’s relationship with jadzia is so compelling to me as y’all can probably tell, just the way that her relationship with jadzia is so much more compelling than any actual relationship she has and how they’re seen being friendly and enjoying time togtether, it’s all just very good. also love how they often in canon spend time in the holodecks, its just code for them going on dates <3

A BROTP I have with said character:

Don’t think I could ever be over her relationship with Sisko. It’s so interesting and complicated and how they both grow to respect and trust each other, valuing each other’s views and just growing into such a strong friendship. And how at first Sisko being the chosen of the Prophets makes it hard for Kira to just treat him like a normal captain but they grow past that..it’s so good

A NOTP I have with said character:

all their relationships in the show but odo especially. they were friends and i just think their relationship was bad, i didn’t enjoy it taking over kira’s character for the last seasons especially. [ i will not mention that one terrible kira ship bcuz i think any good person wouldnt ship her with him <3 ]

A random headcanon: 

i know in the episode where the Bajorans try and go back to how they lived before and they sucked at sculpting, but I love the idea that after that she actually come back to it and tries it again. Overtime I like to think they find it relaxing, something to put their mind at ease and gives her some creative output, and I also enjoy the idea that she still isn’t that great at it but has fun nonetheless :) Also enjoy the thought that she is the type to spend hours arguing with Bajorans over certain religious texts, she lot of personal thoughts about it and will share it if she has the chance to <3. (the jewishness of it all.)

General Opinion over said character: she is my favourite Trek character for a reason, and one of my favourite characters in anything. I love how their anger is validated by the narrative, that their anger at what she had gone through, what her people her gone through, is acknowledged and respected. I love that she doesn’t want to be angry, that she has a lot of qualms with what she had to do in order to fight the Cardassians, that she is allowed to have such nuanced feelings over who she was and what she had to. They went through so much to fight for her people, and the narrative gives her room to have such complex thoughts about it, being proud of what she had done but also hating that she had committed so much violence that she doesn’t know who they are without it, she feels lost for the first season because all she knew was that, fighting to protect her people and i love how she learns that she isnt just the violence she had committed, she’s so much more than that. I love that she’s allowed such complex feelings that don’t condemn what she had done but also show how much it affected her. I love how they care for people, how everything she has done was out of caring, out of wanting to help protect Bajor. I love that she is allowed to be strong, angry, messy, kind, and I love that they are both a fighter and religious. just love that though she’s a tough character, someone who has been through so much and survived it, and they’re also religious and proud of it?? That is rarely ever in the same character and I love that about her. I just.. I love her so much..my fav trek character ever and always <3 send me a character and i’ll do this: ask meme

[masked-buffoon]

Chapter 2: Twisted (Part 3)

Warnings: torture, violence

Author notes: Rather short part, with a lot of dialogues...  Hope you’ll enjoy nonetheless!

"So..." I stared at the man chained in front of me "You called me there... Because you can't make him talk...?"

"Yes..." The subordinate looked nervous and played with his hands "He didn't say a word, whereas it's been half a day we are torturing him..."

"Four hours." I corrected him "Half a day is twelve. I do hope you would have been able to make him spill out his secrets in twelve hours."

"I-I'm sorry, Ogawa-san... We didn't know who to call, except for you..."

"Ane-san's squadron is specialised in torture, though...?" I hummed, sitting down casually.

"But you are our direct superior..."

"I suppose I am, since you are part of Dazai-san's team..." I sighed "Let's see... What are those gruesome bruises he has on his face?"

"We beat him up... With iron bars..." He quickly added when he saw I was examining the state of his hands.

"Beating him up...?" I raised both of my eyebrows "Are you self-taught in torture? Or simply stupid?"

"I... We..."

All the henchmen present in the room lowered their head. I sighed again.

"I suppose the Mafia doesn't have any classes for that matter..." I chuckled sarcastically "I suggest you observe and learn a few things."

I took the file about our prisoner and started reading it. He was a member of an organisation specialised in slave trading. A month ago, we had attempted negotiations to take them as a subcontractor of some sort for our own business and they had agreed. However, the shipping we had ordered had never arrived to its destination, Brazil, and we had found out they had used our funds for their own profits, instead of helping us and getting their share of the money. The man I had in front of me was supposed to give us information about his organisation, so we could crush them or force them to cooperate with us. After going through his personal life, I put the papers on the tray filled with various torture instruments and crossed my fingers on my thighs.

"I do have to admit you very skilfully ruined his face." I told the subordinate next to me "He looks absolutely disgusting. To prevent that, you have several tools at your disposal, and different methods. Removing his nails or his eyelids, cutting his ears, or his fingers, one by one, are a few examples. They are bloody, but they don't require much effort, at least. However, my favourite one resides in this."

"The file...?" He timidly followed my pointed finger.

"Exactly. The file. Is he awake?" I inquired.

"He passed out just before your arrival..."

"The pain must have been too great... Avoiding such a troublesome situation is also part of why beating a prisoner up is not a method of torture." I smiled "Bring a bucket of iced water."

The cold water woke our man up immediately. He looked around him, at his surroundings, but far from being panicked, he cracked a proud smirk and looked at me in disdain.

"These thugs did not make me talk. What does a girl like you expect to do~?" He grinned.

"I'm almost sixteen, but I am these thugs' superior nonetheless. I'd advise you not to underestimate me." I chuckled "However, I do admire your willpower. How many teeth did you lose, by the way?"

"Too many." He grimaced "If I ever come out of there, the only thing I'll be able to eat is soup...!"

"If you ever come out of there..." I burst out laughing "Ah, thanks for enlightening my day...! I haven't laughed like that in a very long time."

"If you're planning to kill me, anyway, all the more reasons not to talk." He shrugged.

"Oh but I will make you talk." I assured "And I'm not even going to stand up from this chair."

"I'm curious." He snorted "Are you going to shoot me? Will you order your men around? Come on, I'm ready...!"

"I'll ask you a single question." I narrowed my eyes "You don't need to answer, I'll need you to keep your saliva to give me information about your organisation, after all."

"Whatever." He huffed "Just kill me quickly so that is over."

"Sure sure. So impatient..." I paused to make sure he listened to me "Is your wife pretty?"

His silence was meaningful. I pursued.

"I'm just curious, you know... There isn't any picture in the file, so I am asking for your honest opinion." I smiled.

"I don't have any wife." He spat on the ground, giving me a threatening glare.

"You don't...?!" I exclaimed, seemingly shocked "It turns out my subordinates are more useless than I thought..."

I turned toward them.

"How could you make such a basic mistake during your investigation?" I falsely lectured them "Go back to that address immediately and check if there is a wife. If there isn't, I'll make sure you are stuck with cleaning the headquarters for a week."

"... The address...?" My target questioned breathlessly.

"Well, the place where you live, obviously..." I crossed my legs "Oh, and... If you see any kind of woman, bring her to me."

"In the torture room, Ogawa-san...?"

I gave the henchman an exhausted look.

"Where am I, currently? I swear these boys..." I waved my hand in front of my face "Really, now... What are information for if we can't make use of them...? What do you think, mister prisoner?"

"I agree..." He mumbled, looking away.

"Let's wait for them to come back." I took a pain reliever "It'll give you some respite and, hopefully, some time to think about your answers."

"Are you not at least going to try and extort the intel out of me...?" He sounded surprised.

"My schedule is surprisingly light today. You need not worry about such worthless matters." I stated "Besides... Will you talk if I skin you slowly and painfully...?"

"... I don't think so...? My secrets will be taken with me in my death."

"That's why I'd rather not." I pulled my phone out "It'd only leave a puddle of blood on the ground, not too hygienic..."

"I know I am not supposed to ask questions, but... How did you end up there...? In the Port Mafia? You're a young teenage girl, yet you talk about torture like an office worker would talk about a pile of paperwork. Does it even click to you, what you are doing to me...?" He frowned.

"I am there to survive." I accepted to answer "I had nowhere to go, but I was fortunately recruited. I have an ability, you see... As to what I am doing... I am purposefully making you suffer so I do obtain the location of your headquarters and the name of your boss."

"I don't feel that much pain for now."

"It shouldn't take long. My men just came back, with quite a catch, I have to say."

The door of the basement opened noisily and muffled gasps and cries resonated in our ears. A woman was dragged toward another pillar and was handcuffed, hands above her head and body dangling powerlessly. I smiled darkly and demanded to remove her gag so we could hear her screams of fear.

"Very pretty indeed." I judged her "And that small bump... Goodness, you're pregnant...! Congratulations miss...!"

"Let me go...!" She pleaded "I have nothing to do with you...! I'm innocent...!"

"I'm sure you are. You look very harmless. Your husband, however..."

"I've told you, I don't have a wife...!" He defended.

"I don't know him..." She sobbed.

"Why does everyone make my job so complicated...?" I complained, walking toward the man and pulling out a chain he wore under his shirt "What's that? A jewel? No, it's a damn wedding ring! And what does she wear? A matching wedding ring! Please, just admit she's your pretty wife, already!"

"Alright! Alright, she's my wife..." He confessed "But don't hurt her! Don't hurt her..."

"That depends on you. Your headquarters and the name of your boss." I glared at him coldly.

"I can't..."

"Taneda-kun." I called a subordinate "Find me some oxytocin. And hurry up!"

"... Oxytocin...? What's... What's that for...?" His eyes widened "What are you going to do to my wife...?!"

"Oxytocin is a hormone that helps during the delivery." I explained "Thanks, Taneda-kun. It initiates the contractions of the uterus when the baby is ready to go out."

"What...? Are you crazy...?!" He pulled onto his restraints "Stop that!! Right now!!"

"A location and a name, that's all I ask for." I pressed the tip of the syringe against the woman's tummy "Now."

"Alright!! Alright..." He gave up, lowering his head "Our headquarters... They are in an abandoned warehouse of the port, number seventy three... The boss' name is Samejima Seiji... That's all I can tell..."

"That's all I asked for." I put the syringe on the tray "Thanks for your cooperation."

"Will you... Will you let my wife go...? With the baby...?" He asked in a breath.

"I am in a good mood." I declared "Usually, I would have no qualms about killing all of you there, right now, but I will let you go. That will be today's good deed."

"... Really...?"

"Really." I confirmed "Obviously, it won't be free, but if you disappear from Japan, I'll consider you dead. Oh, and..."

I pulled out my gun and shot at his hip, making him yell in pain.

"You at least deserve becoming crippled for putting me through the trouble of actually getting your wife there." I shrugged, standing up "But you were right. You'll leave that place alive. Now, put a bag on their heads and escort them toward the airport. I believe they have a long journey ahead..."

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[kihaku-gato]

OC Ships / Ship Dynamics

For whatever reason I fizzled out mid-writing so I had to power through last night to try to follow through what I wanted to ramble about Valentine’s Day night. Probably full of typos and incoherence once you hit the Harriet X Anne section onwards, but I’m not proofreading for typos cause brain frustrated trying to spit this out into words so WHATEVER TAKE HERE IT AND SHIP THE CHARACTERS hopefully

If the ship title is wrapped in “*“ it means it’s a canonical ship in the main canon story of said OCs. Also since AUs will be mentioned, if a specific sentence is wrapped with “*“ it means its a specific thing to the canon story and may not be consistent in AUs.

LETS GO

*Terra X Kayla*

My first OC ship so one of the ones closest to my heart. The serious-chivalrous X bubbly-princess kind of ship (Xena/Gabrielle and Lucia/Sumire are good comparisons). Terra sees Kayla as as an innocent woman that needs to be protected *though Kayla in reality is plenty capable of taking care of herself, and may not be as naive/innocent as Terra thinks*. Despite Kayla’s capabilities, Kayla fantasizes being swept off her feet by Terra as if Terra were a prince charming- but quickly learning Terra’s boundaries she does not force those fantasies onto Terra. Do not mistake Kayla’s damsel-esque fantasies to mean she would not protect Terra in return, if Terra is truly threatened Kayla is far scarier *and more powerful* than Terra could ever be.

*A lot of their developing relationship is them realizing that they both have severe scars from major points of their childhoods, that though both coped with it very differently, they are not so different in many regards.*

Kayla is very physically affectionate, at least having body-to-body contact, hand/arm holding, and if able, rubbing her face against her s/o. Terra’s affection is more aloof but shows her affection by wanting to at least be in the same room/space as Kayla, *craft/curate magical items/trinkets with Kayla in mind* and at times when lost in thought/focus sometimes ends up catching herself stimming via twirling Kayla’s hair in her hands. I could nonetheless see Terra potentially caressing Kayla’s face with her hand though less common.

More direct affection between them is show via kunik kisses (rubbing/touching their noses together), less so actual lip to lip kissing though it happens rarely.

Among the ship complexes they are one of the least sexual of the ships, though among the Terra related ships its the one where I could most likely see Terra having sex (despite Terra not being a sexually driven person); being that Kayla is extremely respectful of Terra’s set boundaries and Terra wanting to please Kayla best she can.

*Riivar X Demauria*

*Their relationship starts as an unofficial Royal X Guard relationship, even though it’s purely for the title and not cause Riivar needs protection*. Between Riivar’s very flirty sexually open nature, and Demauria’s tsundere-esque will-not-admit-she-has-high-sexual-drive/attraction nature, this ship is very sexually tense even though a lot of their starting relationship doesn’t even remotely have sex involved (Riivar doesn’t even make any sexual moves on Demauria as she does not want to make Demauria uncomfortable, rather it’s Demauria later on that makes the move).

Demauria sees Riivar as a tall powerful, confident, knows-what-she-wants-in-life person, and eventually seeks to understand how she came to be so *since a lot of Demauria’s character arc is about finding her drive/purpose in life*. Riivar sees Demauria as a small almost-child that needs room/space/resources and love to grow *though later in the story believes she is not the one that can give enough for Demauria as she feels Demauria has outgrown the need for Riivar*.

Riivar is very open and affectionate and is all about pleasing her partner however her s/o wishes, so as such tries to keep Demauria as comfortable as possible, and only pushes Dema out of her comfort zone is she believes it’s something of benefit to Demauria. Demauria in contrast is very closeted in her emotions, and struggles to regulate them; though she likes the affection she is prone to snapping at Riivar, as such she tries to be more aloof to avoid accidentally snapping at Riivar altogether, as she does not want to hurt the very person doing so much for her. It takes a long time for Demauria to open up and better manage some of her more major intense emotions.

Relationship-wise Demauria wants to try to take the lead but is often strongly outshone by Riivar though not intended.

Among the canon ships this is one of the ships I’ve wanted to drop canonization of; being that I struggle to read/predict how the two interact with each other, plus though unintended there is an accidental power dynamic between Riivar/Demauria that I don’t like (some of it is Riivar having more experience, some of it is that *the canon story has Riivar in the position of hero / good summaratin, which puts Dema in almost a child-like position*), despite my attempts to remove/nullify said power dynamic.

*Harriet X Anne*

This ship is relatively new as far as canon ships go and I keep beating around the bush when it comes to Anne (as a character and her motives etc.) so excuse the disservice of how short this may be for them. Chivalrous Prince X Princess, but in contrast to Terra X Kayla, the energy is reversed; Harriet is the more energetic/open “prince” while Anne is the more aloof “princess”. Probably the ship with the most pining of the 3 canonical ships; Both hold each other with utmost respect.

Harriet puts a lot of effort in treating Anne like a lady when she’s not treating her like a “partner” (non-romantically), which just absolutely squeezes Anne’s heart. A huge arc in their relationship is putting trust that they can help each other in their times of need, being both have a habit if shouldering responsibilities on their individual selves instead of taking the helping hand. I originally was gonna give Harriet a rivalrous energy with Anne at the start of their story, but Anne ended up becoming much much softer/gentler of a character than initially planned, so it became a gentle chivalrous/comradic energy towards instead.

 Harriet X Terra

One of the non-canon ships I think about a lot. I think a lot of it is my enjoyment for seeing Harriet’s feathers getting ruffled by Terra being very attractive in Harriet’s eyes w/o Terra even caring or doing any effort to be so. So yes, the majority of the variations of this ship are rivalrous, whether it is or not really depends Harriet and the context of the AU and how they meet.

In the DnD and MHW AUs for example, Harriet treats/sees Terra in a “broski” sense since they meet each other in a more socially null environment, while most other AUs (and for that matter even in the canon main story where they aren’t a ship) they meet indirectly while in their own social cliches, leading to Harriet to quickly see/treat Terra as a rival/nemesis, due to feeling Terra as a threat to her social/romantic spotlight. It doesn’t help either that Harriet likes to be the center of attention and Terra by no direct fault of her own has a presence that “robs” that of Harriet when the eyes turn to Terra instead.

Terra on the other hand sees Harriet dismissively at the start of their ship/non-ship stories, changing to either “an interesting person” when seeing Harriet’s skills/specialities/morals, or to “a loud nuisance” when Harriet is attempting to instigate competitions/fights with Terra. Later in said ships Terra tends to grow a respect for Harriet even though they don’t entirely play to the same tune.

Interestingly I think they’d both try to get along quicker if they both saw some of the similarities in each other; one being they both will risk their necks to protect other women in their somewhat chivalrous ways, the other being my not-officially-canon-yet-cause-hesitancy is both of them being Autistic (Terra leaning more to the what people expect, while Harriet is not what one would expect- but “how/why my OCs are/should be canonically Autistic, writtern by their creator who is also Autistic” is for a different ramble).

One thing I enjoy is thinking about the point of the ship where Terra may start to open up to Harriet and show her more vulnerable side (either out of long term built trust or out of bad luck / inconvenience if they are earlier yet in the ship) and Harriet being outright disarmed by it. Tbh a lot of this ship is Harriet getting disarmed by Terra in various ways.

 Kayla X Demauria

A ship I initially did not think of till a friend drew fanart of it, but has since become a nice one for me. Kayla’s bubbly friendliness/openness and Demauria’s cold angry/pissyness is a grand contrast. Demauria is a lot more aggressive with Kayla than with  Riivar (whether that being in the “make the first move” sense or actual behaviour) *which is a lil ironic if you learn towards the canon story where Demauria is actually scared of Kayla’s capabilities hidden under the warm smile*.  Despite Dema being the more “aggressive” one I like to think they are on equal grounds as far so “who make the first move” since Kayla is very physically affectionate.

Also while Dema is more closeted with Riivar even when they become a couple, I like to follow my friend’s headcanon that Demauria would be much more physically/sexually open to Kayla than she is in the Riivar ship.

While I don’t have much for ship AUs between the two compared to the others, my one favourite that sometimes comes to my mind is an AU of an AU; the College/roomates AU where they are crushing over Terra and Riivar only to instead fall for each other instead of their crushes during the time they try to pursue them (if you are familiar with the Toradora anime you will sort of know what I mean by that).

 Riivar/Abbey X Harriet

Do I mean Riivar or Abbey or do I mean a poly ship? The Answer is both, also it is categorized together as the results would be very similar whether it’s Riivar, Abbey, or both being together with Harriet. One word; SPICY! While Terra X Harriet is indulgent for me storywise/emotionally, this ship here is tbh is the steamy kind of indulgence and I both apologize and don’t apologize for it.

Harriet has a huge celebrity crush on Riivar (both canonically and in several AUs), and while Harriet never meets Abbey in canon I would like to believe Harriet would be just as weak for Abbey as she is with Riivar. Both Riivar and Abbey would find Harriet absolutely adorable and too fun to tease/please.

Riivar is all about giving her partner comfortable pleasure, while Abbey is more one to be a lil sadistic with her partner(s) liking to bite or give a lil pain to the pleasure if her partner allows. So unsurprisingly such a combo put upon Harriet is quite fun, as she can just crumble into a mess from so much as a pretty girl smiling at her, much less two VERY pretty/beautiful women going ALL-IN as far as seduction/flirtation goes.

As I said, this ship is VERY indulgent even if imo it is one of my shallowest ships.

   Kayla X Kal

 Almost forgot this one when posting but is one I CANNOT IGNORE; a ship between Kayla and my friend Shiro’s OC Kal. THEY’D BE SO CUTE TOGETHER AND IM GLAD SHIRO LOWKEY SHIPS IT TOO. Kal flexing her muscles to flirt with Kayla? Kayla absolutely losing it / swooning cause she is a woman who loves beefy ladies? YES PLEASE. Also Kayla being stronger than she looks catching Kal by surprise is a hella nice bonus too.

[poetlcs]

books I’ve read in 2020 (so far) + their ratings

non-fiction

crossing the line: australia’s secret history in the timor sea by kim mcgrath: important research into australia’s theft of oil in timor leste. didn’t rate

hood feminism: notes from the women that a movement forgot by mikki kendall: essay collection dissecting modern feminism, pointing out the exclusionary practices of mainstream feminism and offering new frameworks through which feminism should operate. really recommend. didn’t rate

the uninhabitable earth: life after warming by david wallace-wells: good introduction to environmentalism and the climate disaster. a little too introductory for me but good for those new to the topic. ★★★

homo deus: a brief history of tomorrow by yuval noah harari: it is simply not Sapiens nor as good as Sapiens. Looks at potentials for our future but, thought it was a little poorly researched. Some parts were still interesting though.  ★★★

SPQR: a history of ancient rome by mary beard: a little dense at times, but super interesting and detailed look at ancient rome. enjoyed it a lot. ★★★★

sister outsider by audre lorde: collection of audre lorde’s essays and speeches, about feminism, lesbianism, the queer community, being Black and a lesbian ect ect. outstanding, important collection anyone interested in intersectional feminism must read. ★★★★★

all boys aren’t blue by george m. johnson: memoir about johnson’s experiences growing up as a Black gay boy in a poor neighbourhood. Very poignant memoir, written in such accessible language which I liked. guarenteed to get you emotional, another one everyone should read. didn’t rate because it’s so highly personal that felt wrong but highly recommend. 

under a biliari tree i born by alice biari smith: memoir by an Aboriginal Australian detailing her life growing up learning traditional Aboriginal ways and how the lives of Indigenous Australian’s have been impacted through the years, specifically in Western Australia. Probably more aimed at school age people but still a 101 I think many Australian’s (and non Australian’s) can benefit from. didn’t rate 

classics

maurice by e.m forster: gay man coming of age story in college + themes around class and sexuality. forster’s end note saying he thought it imperative to write a happy ending because we need that in fiction, i love him. ★★★★★

emma by jane austen: read before seeing the movie. loved emma as a character but thought this was okay compared to other Austen I’ve read. ★★★½

perfume by patrick suskind: a man with an incredible sense of smell starts murdering young women to try and bottle their scent for a perfume. weirdest shit I ever read still don’t know how to feel about it. ★★★

the color purple by alice walker: follows the life of Celie, an Black woman living in rural Georgia. deals with her relationship with her sister Nettie, her lover Shug Avery, and with God. this tore my heart to shreds absolutely everyone must read it, like even just for the beautiful writing ALONE. ★★★★

a study in scarlet by arthur conan doyle: its sherlock holmes #1 no further explanation required. not my fave sherlock story, was the weird morman subplot needed? ★★½

dracula by bram stoker: yeah vampires!! this was way easier to read and also way funnier than I expected. we STAN gothic aesthetics and Miss Mina Harker here. ★★★★

fantasy

the diviners by libba bray: teens with magical powers/abilities solving mysteries in 1920′s new york. reread. ★★★★★

lair of dreams by libba bray: the diviners #2. reread. ★★★★½

before the devil breaks you by libba bray: the diviners #3. reread. best one in the series hands down.  ★★★★★

the king of crows by libba bray: waited so long for this series ender and it let me down lol. ★★★

clockwork princess by cassandra clare: the infernal devices #3. dont @ me this is my comfort reread series and I was travelling. ★★★★★

we unleash the merciless storm by tehlor kay mejia: we set the dark on fire #2. latinx inspired fantasy about overthrowing a corrupt government with an f/f romance. didn’t like as much as book one but still good, BEST girlfriends ever. ★★★½

wolfsong by t.j klune: basically feral gay werewolves and witches living in a town together. feels like a teen wolf episode but way more gayer. despite that hated the writing style and I don’t like age gap romances so yay the concept no the execution.  ★★

the fate of the tearling by erika johansan: the tearling #3. finally finished this series, dunno why everyone loathes the ending so much I thought it was cool. underrated fantasy because it’s very unique. ★★★★

girl, serpent, thorn by melissa bashardoust: persian inspired fantasy about a girl who is cursed by a div to kill anyone she touches. has an f/f romance. bashardoust writes the most aesthetically rich settings I love her. ★★★★

crier’s war by nina varela: reread. f/f enemies to lovers where the main character poses as a handmaiden in order to try and murder the princess whose father killed her family. PEAK gay content literally a modern classic. ★★★★★

we hunt the flame by hafsah faizal: I was so disinterested in this book I barely can describe the plot but basically it’s a prince and a hunter who are enemies but are forced to go looking for this magical artifact together anyway it was boring.  ★

ghosts of the shadow market by cassandra clare + others: short story collection set in the shadowhunter world. probably the strongest of her collections but they just don’t hit the same as her full length books. didn’t rate. 

a storm of swords: part two by george r.r martin: a song of ice and fire #3. I WILL finish reading these books eventually i swear !! probably the best one yet though. ★★★★

amarah by l.l mcneil: world of linaria #3. high fantasy with politics, dragons, warring races. tolkein/asoiaf vibes if they had more women with agency. didn’t rate because I haven’t decided my feelings on the end yet. 

science fiction

This is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone: f/f enemies to lovers between spies on rival sides of a time war. good book but writing style wasn’t for me (others love this so eh take my opinion with a grain os salt:  ★★★

not your sidekick by c.b lee: main character is from a superhero family but has no powers herself, so she takes an internship working with a superhero corp. has an f/f romance with a villain character. so much fun and super cute

speculative fiction:

the deep by rivers solomon: speculative fiction wherein pregnant African women thrown overboard by slave ships gave birth to babies that became mermaids. main character holds all the memories of her people’s past but runs away after being unable to deal with the burden. about self discovery, intergenerational trauma and the burden of remembering. a little short imo but still all round excellent book ★★★★

how long ‘til black future month? by n.k jemisin: short story collection, many with an afro-futurism focus. hard to explain because there is such a wide variety of stories but this is an AMAZING collection. didn’t rate because I don’t like rating short story collections but wish more people would read it. 

mystery

the family upstairs by lisa jewell: woman inherits an english house and starts to unravel the secrets of a mass cult suicide that happened there years ago. loved it because it was wild. ★★★★★

the hand on the wall by maureen johnson: truly devious #3. boarding school mystery where the main character has to solve a murder that happened in the 1920s at her school while another mystery is happening in present time. my least favourite of the series but satisfying conclusion nonetheless. ★★★½

contemporary fiction

maybe in another life by taylor jenkins reid: dual timeline book showing the two outcomes of a decision the main character makes. cool concept but ultimately boring book because I didn’t care about the main character at all.  didn’t rate because I didn’t finish it. 

girl, woman, other by bernadine evaristo: vignette stories of various women whose lives are vaguely interconnected. incredibly well written with such vivid characters. deserves the hype. ★★★★

tin heart by shivan plozza: australian YA, the recipient of a heart transplant wishes to connect with the family of her donor, after she discovers the identity of her donor. good story but didn’t like the writing style. ★★★

a little life by hanya yanigahara: follows the life of a group of friends living in life, especially that of jude, a closed off and damaged man with a troubling past. a little too torture-porny/Tragic Gays but I cannot deny the author has a beautiful writing style and I went through all the emotions. didn’t rate

a girl like that by tanaz bhathena: explores the events leading up to the main character dying in a car crash. set in Jeddah, saudi arabia and explores expectations on women, feminism and expressions of sexuality and relationships between women during teenage years. kinda no good characters but I loved it for it’s messy depiction of teen girls (whilst not condemning them for this). underrated. ★★★★

little fires everywhere by celeste ng: drama in white american suburbs when a new family moves in and the neighbours start investigating their past. eh, I heard a lot about this and thought it was just okay. ★★★

stay gold by tobly mcsmith: trans boy decides to go stealth at his new school and falls for a cheerleader, georgia. about navigating being trans and definitely felt like it was written to educate cis people. it was okay but ultimately not my thing and not really the story I was looking for, even though I respect it being written by a trans author and still would recommend to certain people. ★★½

everything leads to you by nina lacour: main character and her best friend have to unravel a hollywood mystery, all while the main character is trying to get over her ex-girlfriend and find work as a set designer. f/f romance and loved the focus on movie making and the power of stories. ★★★½

the falling in love montage by ciara smyth: a girl meets another girl at a party, but she’s not looking to date due to the amount of family issues she has going on. so her and the girl decide to spend the summer having fun, renacting scenes from rom-coms, but never dating. awesome family dynamics and the relationship between the two girls was sweet also set in ireland which is fun. 

normal people by sally rooney: explores the relationship between connell and marianne, who meet in school, date secretly, and then are inexplicably drawn to each other for the rest of their lives. explores power dynamics, relationships, love and trust, and what we owe to eachother. great book, great mini-series, love it to bits. ★★★★★

the glass hotel by emily st john mandel: impossible to explain this book, but there’s a mystery about grafitti, a ponzi scheme and a character falling to their death on a boat under suspicious circumstances. honestly idk what happened in this book but I liked it. ★★★½

historical fiction

half of a yellow sun by chimamanda ngozi adichie: historical fiction about the biafran war loosely based on adichie’s family experiences. incredibly well written with an ending that punches you in the gut. ★★★★

hamnet by maggie o’farrell: explores the shakespeare family after the death of their child, Hamnet, from the plague, and how this leads to Shakespeare writing Hamlet. cool as fuck concept and boring as fuck book with such tropey female characters. ★★

all the light we cannot see by anthony doerr: WW2 fiction, dual perspective between a blind girl living in france and a german boy forced into nazi youth. I cannot believe this book is award winning it’s so boring and predictable and i reget the time i wasted on it. ★

poetry:

on earth we’re briefly gorgeous by ocean vuong: poetry memoir. vuong writes a letter to his illiterate mother, knowing she’ll never read it, exploring their relationship, his experiences growing up as second generation Vietnamese-American, and hers during the Vietnam War. My favorite book I’ve read so far this year, just too good to explain, genuinely just feel like everyone is better off for having read this. ★★★★★

currrently reading:

girls of storm and shadow by natasha ngan

meet me at the intersection: edited by rebecca lim & ambelin kwaymullina

stamped from the beginning: the definitive history of racist ideas in america by ibram x. kendi

get a life, chloe brown by talia hibbert

[incorrectnorse-quotes]

Loki - mythology or mcga, your choice

Even though some will be the same cause like,, even though they’re not the same character, they’re the same character lol

-Myth-

Sexuality Headcanon: Pansexual

Gender Headcanon: Genderfluid (Fluctuates between binary and nonbinary genders)

A ship I have with said character: Loki X Sigyn of course

A BROTP I have with said character: Loki and Thor Best Bros 5Ever. Skadi is also a good friend of Loki’s but she acts like she can’t stand him

A NOTP I have with said character: Nothing is impossible for Loki but if I had to choose someone who would never succumb to his charm in any way I’d say,, Heimdall

A random headcanon:Every time I imagine his first meeting with Sigyn I end up with a cover of “Once Upon A Dream” from Sleeping Beauty lmao

General Opinion over said character: I’ve said and implied repeatedly on here that Loki is my favourite character in the Norse myths, and he is my favourite for so many reasons.        1) He’s just,, a Bastard™ and I love bastard characters. I’ve seen many people, specifically on here, who love him for the same reason. Like,, he’s a bastard but he’s Our Bastard™     2) He’s the one who keeps the plot of the myths going in many, many cases. 3) He’s extremely versatile: He helps as much as he inconveniences, his story has as much silliness as it has tragedy. 4) I‘ve come to see him as the patron god(ess)/deity of the LGBT+/Queer community because of his explicit gender fluidity/nonconformity (which is also the reason I feel so connected to him). And just,,, I love him ok? ok

-MCGA- //HHOOO boy get ready I have so many feelings about this bitch//

Sexuality Headcanon: Pansexual

Gender Headcanon: Genderfluid (Fluctuates between binary and nonbinary genders)

A ship I have with said character: If both of their characterizations hadn’t been completely botched in the second book I’d say Loki X Sigyn again but,, the verbal abuse + the fact that she has 0,001% of a personality just ain’t it chief (And it ain’t it in many ways, because Sigyn is actually the goddess of fidelity, meaning she stays beside Loki out of her own will, not intimidation or anything else. She could leave if she wanted to, and Loki knows this because despite everything, he’s not dumb. He wouldn’t treat his only chance at omitting most of his torture + staying sane like that.)                                                     On a lighter note, an IRL friend of mine and I have this inside joke “shipping” him with Randolph lmao (Because let’s face it,, the amount of homoerotic undertones there is Something Else re: the epilogue -the fact that he calls him “my dear friend”, which is in itself, a very Gay form of address to me for some reason, and later on in the series “Randy” like,, back at it again with the pet names. Loki has more chemistry with Randolph than with his own wife through the series lmao. I know it’s meant to be read as “oh look what an evil bitch he is” but,, we read it our own way lol)

A BROTP I have with said character: Again, him and Thor. Because Thor said he missed Loki and he seems to be the only one of the Aesir to actually have some sympathy left for him. Plus I’m sure Loki misses Thor too. Also, again, he and Skadi tbh. Even if Skadi speaks negatively of him when Magnus and co. are staying at her palace,, I mean she’s a giantess, and most if not all giants Magnus has encountered have lied to him for some reason so,, I wouldn’t be surprised if she did too. I have no proof but I have no doubts either.

A NOTP I have with said character: Again, there are no NOTPs that come to mind with him. I’d say Heimdall again. And any of the Empty Cups at that

A random headcanon: He actually has a heart, and agreed to help Randolph reunite with his family because he saw his own family’s tragedy in them. Also, back to Sigyn, I refuse to accept she has actually been abused to the point of not talking. And, being married to a trickster, she probably is one too. What I’m trying to say here is the “Oh my poor wife hasn’t spoken for millennia” or whatever was actually a facade Loki and Sigyn both set up so Magnus and co. and possibly the gods wouldn’t suspect a thing from Sigyn, who is actually part of the threat Loki poses (And as I said in a previous post about my headcanons, actually planned Ragnarok along with him) (I know, what a reach lmao)

General Opinion over said character: My opinion on him obviously changed as I read the books. At first, I saw my favourite character from the myths being a charming, albeit ominous ally to the protagonist and I loved that. But then he became a villain. A charming villain nonetheless. He’s a horrible person (At least towards Magnus and Co.) but an amazing villain. And I obviously still love him even after finishing the series. The only complaints I have are about his characterization (because I refuse to believe he’s actually a cold-hearted bitch who verbally abuses his wife) (I know I’m making a lot of reaches here but there are things I just *refuse* to believe. And that’s what headcanons are for, kids!)

[paulxyperrette]

I'm sorry you have to deal with depressions and the like. It's hard to live a normal life with those. But I feel like you're using your own health issues to excuse Pauley's behavior. And I think that you don't actually believe her either. Take the Harmon thing for example. If you truly believed that he is/was abusive towards anyone, why are you shipping Slibbs? You actually want one of your favourite actresses to play Harmon's on screen lover? Even though he's abusive? Not working. Get help.

Hi there! You’ve obviously come from my main blog if you know about my mental health and that I ship Slibbs. Over on my main blog I do post/reblog a lot of dark humour about my mental health. However, in reality I am actually about to be discharged from all mental health services as I am doing very well and have been for months. So I really don’t appreciate the insinuation that my mental health is impairing my decision making or playing any other role in my opinions here. Furthermore I have just completed a psychology degree and was the top achieving student in my year and I have a GPA of 8.88 out of 9, so I assure you that my critical thinking skills along with my knowledge of trauma (which I learned in great detail about in one of my papers) are very good. Also I can assure you I am living a very normal life - studying, working, friends, fandom, hobbies, the same as anyone else.

Now, as for shipping Slibbs, I really don’t see how that’s relevant. Fiction and real life are different. They are actors, they’re playing roles. I ship Slibbs because their on screen chemistry is great and I believe it is the right move for the show. 

I guess you’re wondering why I am so okay with Maria working so closely with Mark when there is a risk of her becoming his next victim. Well the same could be said for any actor/actress/crew member on the show, but nonetheless the show must go on. 

Of course I also respect that currently Maria and Mark have a very positive off screen relationship. That is not for me to judge but it is not lost on me that Pauley and Mark used to have a similar relationship. Many years ago on an old account some Lauren Holly fans told me to stop posting about Mark because he bullied Lauren. I didn’t believe them because Pauley was friends with him so he must’ve been a good guy right? Obviously I regret that now and won’t be making the same mistake again. I have abusive parents and was also bullied for around 1/3 of my life, I know first hand that abusers DO NOT abuse everyone in their lives (in fact that’s how many of them can get away with it for so long). 

By the time Maria joined NCIS Pauley wasn’t appearing in scenes with Mark so she never had an opportunity to see any bullying first hand. She also had very few scenes with Pauley. So she may or may not have heard about the bullying from Pauley or other cast/crew. But she’s said a number of times that Mark was nice to her and I DO believe that.

Also it’s pertinent to mention that Pauley and Maria are very different people. Bullies choose targets they percieve to be weak or threatening. Pauley has PTSD from previous trauma and also stood up to Mark on the behalf of others - these things make her a logical target. And when she was being bullied Pauley put up with it for a very long time before eventually refusing to appear in scenes with Mark and deciding to quit. Once she left she posted a few tweets but other than that she went quietly - didn’t harm Mark very much at all. Mark most likely predicted that would be the case when he started bullying her. I personally believe if Maria was bullied she would not wait very long to act and she would raise hell. I think Mark knows this, so it’s unlikely he’ll  choose to bully her. But if he does I’m pretty sure she’ll make sure she’s his very last victim. 

PS. Pauley fans please don’t take that last part as me bashing Pauley - her coping mechanisms are valid and she did the best she could with the situation. But different people react in different ways.