#not much of a religious person
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WHOAH That's INSANE. Bible fanart? That's INSANE, WACKO even!
#digital art#sketch#first woman#bible#genesis#not much of a religious person#But I really liked drawing this#I found that quote on TikTok#I just genuinely think some of these characters are pretty tragic#Fanart
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the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.
sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.
you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.
it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.
but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.
they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.
they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.
barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.
and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.
but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.
they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!
this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.
#this shifts gender so much bc it actually affects everyone#yes it's a gendered phenomenon. i have written a LOT about how different genders experience it. that's for a different post.#writeblr#ps my comments about seeing someone cry -- this is not to shame any person#and on this blog we support workers.#at the same time it's a really hard experience to see someone that looks like you. clearly in agony. and have them forced to keep going.#when you're young it doesn't necessarily look like acting. it looks scary. and that's what this is about - the fact that teens#have likely already been exposed to that definition of things. because the internet exists#and without the context of healthy education. THAT is the image burned into their minds about what it looks like.#it's also just one of those personal nuanced biases -#at 19 i thought it was normal to be in pain. to cry. to not-like-it. that it should be perfunctory.#it was what i had seen.#and it didn't help that my religious upbringing was like . 'yeah that's what you get for premarital. but also for the reference#we do think you should never actually enjoy it lol'#so like the point im making is that ppl get exposed to that stuff without the context of something more tender#and assume .... 'oh. so it's fine i am not enjoying myself'. and i know they do because I DID.#he was my first boyfriend. how was i supposed to know any different#i didn't even have the mental wherewithal to realize im a lesbian . like THAT used to suffering.
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Hi i'm absolutely in love with the reverse au!!
I want to know, in this verse does edwin still confesses to charles? if so how is it different? i feel if he did he would end it by apologizing, you know, religious guilt and all
Thereās a train that goes through Hell.
Its journey starts in Wrath, and it departs already full of souls. It took Charles far too many years to realize that there were separate, more spacious wagons that demons could board. Not that he could understand why anyone, hellborn or not, would want to get into the damned thing. He certainly hadnāt.
Actually, Charles couldnāt recall ever boarding the train. As far as he could tell, he just appeared there one day, and had spent the next tortuous decades trying to get out. It was part of the torture. Getting out was entirely possible. More than that, it was necessary.
The train had no regular schedule that he could discern (not at first, though he had always been good at finding patterns, and was eventually able to crack it) but it would make quite a few stops before finally returning to the Wrath ring. Souls inside the train were already angry and far too close to each other (close, so close not even air could squeeze in) but when they got really violent was when the train made a stop.
Getting out didnāt mean you were free, no matter where you managed it, be it Sloth or Gluttony, Pride or Lust. No, as soon as the train finished its journey, you would appear back inside, in Wrath where you belonged, suffocating once again, getting ready to claw your way out for the millionth time.
Because if you didnāt get out, The Conductor would get you.
If he thought about it calmly, Charles could probably say that he got out of the train more times than not. Still, being caught by The Conductor once was bad enough, as there was no coal in Hell, and something had to serve as combustible. Souls could not burn to death, and the whole journey always felt longer than eternity when he was caught. Once it was over, he would be inside again, and fight with more desperation than before, not caring who stayed inside so long as it wasnāt him.
He couldnāt understand why anyone, hellborn or not, would want to get into the damned thing. He certainly hadnāt. But as the souls pushed and bit and clawed and punched their way out, Edwin boarded the train. And that wasnāt even the most groundbreaking revelation Charles had that day.
ko-fi
#ask ask ask#dead boy detectives#dbda#payneland#edwin x charles#reverse verse#you get a... drabble? because there's no way I can draw the train#i spent a lot of time wondering how to reply to this without spoiling anything#and then i realized hey i can just draw it there's no schedule#who would have thought#but yeah it was decided early on that charles would be the one to confess#hope you like my little version of charles' hell!#he doesn't like multitudes#trains or enclosed spaces#did edwin eventually understand what charles meant?#uuuuuuh yeah a bit but he's in denial#also i want you all to appreciate how much courage it took for edwin to go to HELL being the religious person that he is#cw blood#i guess?? idk if i should tag something else#I... I didn't proof read and I'm a better drawer than writer be easy on me yeah?
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Song - å¤ē« by å¼ č·
[eng by me]
#douyin#douyin comments#humour#food#tbh i don't really like 'oh boy' as a tl of 儽家ä¼#the other alternatives were like 'goodness' or 'heavens' etc and i personally feel those were worse options#1. bc they're religious and å„½å®¶ä¼ is very much not and 2. i feel like when you read them it feels very old-texan-lady#i was gonna go w 'this guy' as a tl bc it's smth i'd say but i didn't go with it bc idk if other ppl read it the same way as i do
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Maybe the problem with Christian fiction is that it's non-denominational. People are just "Christian", with no effort put into showing what practicing that religion looks like for them specifically. No indication that there are other Christians who could have different beliefs. No wrestling with differing ideas and the struggle of how one should live out their Christian faith. And that makes it unrealistic and unrelatable.
#me reading any christian historical fiction set in england: why are none of these gentry anglican??#they ARE all anglican and if they are not it is extremely plot and character relevant you can't just have them using evangelical buzzwords#but i'm also thinking of this because i started another charlotte yonge book#that is by far my favorite of the things of hers that i've read#because it has characters who have different upbringings and religious opinions#instead of just 'here's a bunch of high church anglicans judging people who don't live up to their victorian standard'#you have the very high church anglican rector whose wife is worldly but still a very good person#the girl raised in a very strict protestant family who is more scrupulous than the anglicans but is still recognized as a good person#you have people who are trying to work out the nuances of different issues#and that makes it so much more realistic and so much easier to integrate into the story#(the politics though are hilarious)#(most of the classics that survive are the ones that were 'ahead of their time' in politics)#(so it's equally fascinating and refreshing and a bit infuriating to see one that is very very of its time with regards to women's rights)#('why did this woman get up at the meeting and explain her very good ideas for rebuilding after the fire? she should have had a man do it')#(meanwhile i'm just screaming 'why on earth SHOULDN'T she???')#(it's almost enough to make a feminist of me)
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girls who are going to be okay
#i'm not a religious person but i might start praying for them#unironically#they deserve so much better#i would also look at franco like that#williams racing#franco colapinto#fc43#qatar gp 2024
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One really awesome thing about being a Jew is how widely accepted it is in our people that we all have very complicated and personal feelings about the idea of a god, or any sort of religious concept at all. I love being able to explore my own beliefs as a person who doesnāt believe in a higher power, and I fucking love seeing those beliefs represented in so many Jews, in so many theological Jewish sects and schools of thoughts, in so many centuries of Jewish history. Judaism is all about those in-betweens, itās all about complex ideas and shades of greys and personal understandings of life
Above all else, thereās always a search in Judaism for meaning, for purpose, for the human experience. And wether that manifest itself into ideas of a tangible higher power, or some vague feeling of something making existence meaningful (like for me!) or anything in between or outside of thatā itās all accepted, itās all genuine and okay and valid interpretations of Jewish beliefs. And itās also accepted to not believe in any sort of spirituality or religion, or to not know, or to not care! Weāre all just Jews and weāre all just walking through the world together! I just love it so much, words escape me when I think about it
#I donāt want to go too into my beliefs because itās very personal#also Iām not religious and Iām not an atheist which is too much for this culturally Christian anti-any-sort-of-belief website#but right now Iām going with āabstractly believing in the meaning of life and the uniqueness of humankind in a Jewish wayā#itās great#Jewish stuff#jumblr#Jewish joy
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may i have the 10 wholly unasked for paragraphs of semen retention belief lore please š
Ok
MEDICAL MODEL:
The philosophical core of Wardi medical model revolves around the universeās primal dualism- it exists in between the extremes of Sea (cold wet dark female) and Sky (hot dry bright male). These forces are sterile and stagnant when separate, God emerged at their interacting boundaries as their synthesis, capable of creation. Life itself required Godās sacrifice of Its living spirit and the shedding of Its blood, which rendered sterile earth fertile and inhabitable and kicked of the perpetual death-rebirth flow of living spirit that maintains all life. The body is a reflection of this primordial state- it is maintained by the flow of living spirit (contained in the blood), and its core matter is an interactive mixture of primordial Hot Sky and Cold Sea, Warm in balance, with male and female physically differentiated by the presence of primordial extremes- the male has Hot testes, the female has Cold womb, the interaction of these extremes allow for creation.
(I promise this will have to do with semen retention eventually.)
Blood is understood as carrying the bodyās living spirit, the animating force whose proper flow maintains life and health by balancing the bodyās primordial extremes. Semen is a type of blood, given Hot nature by its isolation in the testes, and also carries the living spirit. It functions as the active seed of the living spirit. It is the Hot element planted in the Cold of the womb, the mingling of these forces allow for creation, and insemination with living spirit creates a living body that can host an immortal soul. (Wardi belief describes two souls- a living spirit that animates and maintains the body and an immortal soul that houses the mind).
Male gender designation revolves almost entirely around the testes, the Hot extreme of the body where semen is (assumed to be) produced and stored. In addition to its procreative functions, the testes are an organ whose function is to masculinize and strengthen the rest of the body. Each organ requires the proper flow of healthy blood/living spirit to function properly, and thus loss of this living spirit must be performed with great care- bloodletting in offering is highly controlled, bloodletting in medicine is carefully selected and done in accordance with balancing procedure. Since testes are regulated specifically by the living spirit in semen, semen should not be discharged with reckless abandon.
SOCIAL SEXUAL NORMS:
Cultural ideals for sexual behavior revolve around moderation and self-restraint. Sexuality itself is not demonized. There is nothing wrong with nonprocreative/nonmaritial sex in of itself (unless it is adultery on the part of a woman (male adultery is ostensibly bad too but is rarely treated as gravely), or a girl losing virginity prior to marriage, or it violates a litany of gender-sexual norms), but sexual RESTRAINT is an expectation.
Having an active but controlled libido is idealized, particularly in men. A man who is an absolute paragon of ideal masculinity has a libido, but is not ruled by it. He does not masturbate and rather seeks a partner for sexual release. He usually has a wife for this, and otherwise is capable of the patience and restraint to attain a quality sexual partner rather than finding the easiest release out of desperation. His partners are suitable to proper male interest, being good looking women or pretty beardless youths (going for 'unseemly' women or older, masculine men (so long as one performs the penetrative role) is not wholly unacceptable but suggests desperation and a weak control of libido).
This is an IDEAL and not strictly enforced- very few people will think youāre a weak failure of a man for jerking off sometimes or bragging about fucking some random tail, and hiring sex workers is entirely normalized (and will only be condemned if deemed notably āexcessiveā and disruptive to a normal patriarchal role, or truly symptomatic of being unable to get laid without paying for it). Rather, if someone is already identified as a weak or effeminate man, āexcessive libidoā may be cited as a cause or symptom, or rhetoric to criticize them.
THE SEMEN RETENTION:
Encouragement of semen retention/regulation stems out of both of these forces. Proper masculine social/sexual behavior encourages a limitation to discharge of semen, and medical thought deems it necessary for physical masculinization. A man who does not 'excessively' lose semen via an uncontrolled libido is thought to be physically more masculine- it is assumed to directly make the testes larger since they are Storing More Cum, but also to deepen the voice, assist in the growth and maintenance of the beard, and generally enhance strength, mental acuity, and vitality. Men are regarded as innately physically and mentally stronger than women, with the medical model slapped on as one of the means of explaining patriarchal norms (in addition to spiritual concerns of pollution and metaphysical vulnerability). Regulating semen is one of many behaviors that allows a man to stay this way.
This is also an element in why 'effeminacy' in men is linked to hypersexualization- there is an assumption that men who are physically or behaviorally non-masculine have exaggerated, uncontrolled libidos. Effeminancy or āsoftnessā in men is a failure to perform a wide set of behaviors and not strictly an accusation of receiving penetrative sex, but this is often an element- a man who receives is presumed so desperate and out of control of his libido that he will submit to debasement and shame for fulfillment (an un-masculine man who cannot be a penetrative partner could at least retain his dignity by having enough self-control to abstain entirely).
Some scholars, high ranking warriors, and politicians will (at least claim to) be functionally celibate and refrain from all discharge of semen in order to function at peak performance. This total abstinence is rare and NOT culturally mandated, and is often looked on with a little snide derision as a tryhard performance. More commonly, men will attempt to live a life with a controlled libido, and may temporarily abstain from sexual activity leading up to situations that require physical and mental acuity (combat, debate, sport, etc).
Of most concern to the average day to day person is accidental loss through nocturnal emission. While this is harmless every once in a while, it is cause for concern if it occurs frequently- your body is discharging part of its living spirit completely outside of your control, you are directly weakened by this and you donāt want this happening on a regular basis. Recurrent, frequent episodes may indicate polluted blood, or outright inhabitation by evil spirits.
The only level on which semen retention tends to be actively, directly enforced is with children. Teenage boys are typically discouraged from masturbating (especially during the early stages of puberty)- retention of semen masculinizes the body, therefore will contribute to a healthy and normative puberty and should be preserved at this vulnerable time. It is considered normal to chastise and punish a pubescent boy for masturbation. This is seen as preventing him from harming his health, and to teach him to regulate desire and exercise self control, one of many facets of shaping a boy into a proper man during this critical time. This norm does not contribute to children developing lingering psychological issues AT ALL.
Wardi traditional medicine is a holistic methodology of spiritual/physical treatment, using a base system of items (foods, animal parts, herbs, metals, stones) with Hot or Cold properties and individual Essences to manage imbalances in the body and it's blood/spirit flow and dispel evil spirits. This medical system (and related subdivisions of folk medicine) is commonly used to treat nocturnal emissions, and may also be used to lower libido and/or discourage teenage masturbation. These are largely medicines with Cold properties and noted anaphrodisiac Essence. Eels are a big one- given that eels, obviously, are sexless and emerge from river mud, their bodies are anaphrodisiacs and consumption of eel meat/eel based tinctures can lower libido (this should be done with caution, as it also lowers fertility in humans and animals). Medicines may be directly applied to the penis, this does not interfere with the intended function of the testes but subdues excess lust. Phallic amulets are worn regardless of gender and have holistic nonsexual protective properties, but may also help defend against nocturnal emission. Other medicines are worn in sachets that are tied around the hips during sleep, often weighted with lead. In very severe cases (mostly associated with other dysfunction), the penis or testes may be infected with polluted blood and should be bled.
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Tangent: If the Wardi community had reddit you would occasionally see threads like "DAE eat their semen after masturbating so you don't actually lose any?" and most responses would be "no wtf" but there would be a decent number of people going "omg yes I thought I was the only one" "I mean that's kind of weird but I guess it makes sense if you really think about it" and then one very angry commenter ranting about how, No, eating your semen DOES NOT suffice as mitigation of the loss, this is why so many boys are SOFT AND EFFEMINATE these days, the men of old NEVER jacked off and NEVER ate their own cum and had MUCH FULLER BEARDS AND LARGER TESTICLES.
#I also promise I did not intentionally milk this into 10(+) paragraphs I just like to be thorough . Like you need to know how cosmological#philosophy filters down into common practices of semen retention#It should also be noted that in general when I describe these deeper philosophical models it should not be interpreted as things#that Every Member Of The Population Is Routinely Thinking About#The primordial SEA/SKY dualism has philosophical significance and directly informs the medical traditions and practices of some#priesthoods but does not factor directly and explicitly into everyday practice.#Most people's religious practice is based around active interaction with God and Its Faces (and for that matter much of the public#experiences this religion more like a pantheon than a singular monotheistic god with different aspects)#The everyday person is thinking of semen regulation as 'it keeps you healthy and masculine' and not 'it ensures flow of living spirit#through the Hot masculine element of the body and improves the health of this system'- they'll be aware of the core concepts#like blood/semen as a carrier of living spirit but not necessarily thinking about it in THIS level of detail#imperial wardin
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#sote spoilers#seen so much 'it goes against his character' but like. WHAT CHARACTER. WE NEVER MET HIM#everything we heard about miquella was from 1. his religious devotees 2. his loyal guard dog#why would anyone ever take that as unbiased information.#like yeah sure he has good intentions. but that doesn't mean good actions#I thought it was really obvious the entire question of his character was 'how much bad is worth it for the greater good?'#you mean to tell me y'all WEREN'T picking up on that ????#why would you ever trust someone to be a 100% good person in a fromsoft game anyway#that has literally never happened#sanders bullshit#elden ring#saw a post that was like āsick of empathetic characters who turn out to be huge bastardsā HEāS STILL EMPATHETIC#it's about shades of gray it's about hubris what's not clicking here
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got curious after a convo about finding artists through fandom tags, of course you don't have to sweat it if you followed me for so long that you don't even know anymore, buuuuuuutt if you happen to remember-
#my tagging 'rules' are such that i don't use too many tags bc i find it infuriating exhausting and not really effective#like i personally don't check ffxivart for example and so i don't tag my stuff as that#i do however religiously use character and ship tags because i also view those tags on the daily basis#i might be an outlier though idk how many other people have the same browsing habits#and i believe that someone's reblog has much more value than 20 tags on each post#but idk let's see
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There's a LOT of things people do wrong when constructing fantasy beliefs in pantheons of gods, but one of the more specific is having only one god related to fertility and it kind of being just a horny sex thing.
Like you'll have one in the entire bunch whose sphere is listed as fertility and it's basically like Yeah this is the sex one. She's always depicted naked (but not TOO naked because censorship and/or the writer's own skittishness). She's going to have the exact body type epitomized in contemporary western beauty standards and there's usually no chance in hell that she's gonna be fat (unless MAYBE they're referencing 'venus' figurines). Her thing is fertility, which means having sex and making babies. Might be a goddess of beauty or love or marriage too, because these are kinda sex things, but that's probably it. And yeah that sort of thing is virtually nonexistent in real life.
Like the concept of fertility is so fundamentally important to the function of most societies in human history in ways that it is just Not in industrialized imperial core countries. Most people are getting food from stores, and not having to worry about harvesting crops or breeding livestock or foraging for food or having enough animals to hunt, so fertility only really comes up as a concern if you're trying to have kids (and there is certainly societal pressure to have children, but your wellbeing and survival is rarely going to Depend on it). And I think writing only from that perspective and not even trying to learn about WHY fertility is so conceptually important is why you see this trend.
There's no absolute universal statement about how people believe in gods but it's broadly accurate that systems with many deities will Usually have more than one deity associated with fertility, and these associations will certainly include human reproduction but also the fertility of livestock/hunted animals, plants, the land itself.
Some fertility deities may also be heavily associated with seasonal changes or environmental factors that agriculture or foraging is dependent on (spring/summer/fall, seasonal rains, seasonal flooding, rain itself, sunlight, good soil, rivers, wetlands, etc). Some certainly might be related to love, marriage, sex, and beauty, but that's VERY RARELY going to be the sole way the concept of fertility is embodied. And they'll often will have other associations not directly about fertility, or related to fertility in culturally specific ways.
#I think a lot of the time people are using Aphrodite as their sole reference for the concept of Fertility Deity (and even then#not really grasping the nuances of her depiction/worship or place in the broader ancient Greek religious worldview)#Or understanding that she isn't the Only fertility related deity (like jsut off the top of my head there's fertility associations with#Hera + Artemis + Pan + Dionysus + Demeter + Persephone + Priapus and I'm pretty sure I'm missing several here)#Just in general pantheons where there is only one god associated with any given concept are very rare (unless the concept is very specific)#Like a pantheon with dozens of gods will probably have more than one solar deity but might have only one that presides specifically#over a certain crop or something#Also in a wide reaching/long-spanning religion associations might change with time or as a result of religious syncretism#Or gods may be worshipped under specific and/or localized epithets which describe the god specifically as it presides over this#location or the god as it relates to specific parts of its nature.#It might be a little different if you're writing in a context where the gods are a confirmable part of material reality but even then like#unless your gods are extremely active in managing how they're worshipped culture is going to shape their perception.#Also as a side note if you are completely within your power to depict what you want you should probably be okay with depicting#nudity. Like there's always cultural variations in what/how much/under which circumstances nudity is acceptable (and many cases#where personal nudity is not okay but depictions in art are). But the outright refusal to show a Bare Tit or Flaccid Penis even in art is#virtually nonexistent throughout the vast majority and wide span of human history and like realistically speaking there's going to be#Erect Phallus too. Phallic imagery isn't quite Ubiquitous but VERY common across human history like.. You gotta get over it
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i keep thinking about this coz it's such a common trope in media but i can't even guess how common it is in real life so
#i hope i covered every answer???? idk this is such a fascinating topic to me#coz personally i know i could never die for anyone no matter how much they meant to me#maybe my family never being religious has smtg to do with that idk but like. the#whole ''i might be gone but at least they'll be alive'' never comforted me#like im dead. i wouldn't know#also my will to live is far too strong i think but idk it's just such a cool question to me#barking#my polls#mypolls#polls#forgot my darn tag
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#my godddd š®āšØā¤ļøāš©¹#life is so beautiful you guysss#bless Sufjan's fucking precious mindš®āšØš©·!!#everything writtenā produced and recorded by him + all the artwork and essays also by him!! he's everything!! ā¤ļøāš©¹#the entire album sounds both familiar and new (like Goodbye Evergreen is literally how The Age of Adz goes from Futile Devices to Too Much!#sounds very atmospheric and melancholic and bittersweet but also dreamy and euphoric. and very gentle#and there's a sense of urgency and helplessness but the album ends in a very hopeful note which is so beautiful!!#lyrically is so impressive and breathtaking. man the way he feels everything so deeply š«Øā¤ļøāš©¹#stunning compositions + so much heartbreak and existential despair and unsettling imagery and self-sacrifice#and distress and personal atonement and resignation and so much HOPE and LIFE and LIGHT#and also religious devotion (shocker i know lol)#and the Neil Young cover (shoot me!) is better than the original lol it's just so sweet and hopeful š#i really loved it so much!!#sufjan stevens#javelin#š
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love thinking kipperlilly spends her afterlife looking for lucy in a familiar forest
#not art#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#like. does she have a mean of knowing lucy and yolanda got sent to cassandra's domain to hang out for a bit#kipperlilly's isolation means so much to me. she is punished for everything she's done she just doesn't pick up on it#until the moment she dies! one more funky thing that mirrors riz in which he's actively tried to cultivate a community and denied it#until the bad kids. while kipperlilly does not want or care about a community she just wants someone who validates her#but she does Need a community so she latches onto the person she lets closer to her to fulfill her emotional needs#she took the ritual willingly so this might genuinely be her first death. probably terrifying#probably not even enough bandwidth to feel mortified. maybe immediately seeking something comforting out of instinct alone#lmao honestly thinking too much abt fantasy high afterlifes gives me a headache And a visceral fear#Im not religious but I grew up in a culture with a dominantly buddhist/taoist cosmology its Scary that u just go to A Place after u die!!#and then ur still urself!!! thats scary to me what do u mean u stay like that forever. thats fucked#but yeah I think this influences how I see kipperlilly turn out a little bit. in a sense I think of her as being a ghost now#yknow. trying to solve something from life so she can move on and. stop living this life etc#man the reveal that lucy took being killed pretty seriously and is like yeah the others are decent and even sweet#and probably was just trying to hold her party together and do what she thinks is moral by hearing kipperlilly out#lol lmao etc. gods I gotta wonder how kipperlilly's mindset handled jawbones' help#it really is damn tragic tho. I stand by what I said folks like this will complain and be nasty to be around#but they dont have enough desire to inconvenience themselves to off the bat do something abt what they find unfair or whatever#its when theyre handed the seemingly very easy means to be right that they'll start being dangerous#its horribly tragic that the supposed metaplayer and the self-perceived mastermind turned out to ultimately be just an useful idiot#yknow what. I think personally in my heart kipperlilly moves on from her afterlife the moment she says sorry#doesnt even have to be to lucy but that's probably gonna be who received it#ah.... teenage rebellion. teenage gamejacking
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I've been reading Exodus lately and I've just gotten to the portions where God gives the first commands to the people via Moses (twice), and then goes on to give detailed instructions about the tabernacle and how it should be built, and I'm just... we think art is unimportant?? we think things only mean as much as their functionality?? we so easily fall into the trap of believing that beauty means nothing, that it's cheap and only worth whatever mindless distraction it brings, that it's barely more than a cheap sensual thrill, that buildings should just be practical and plain and cheap, that everything should be functional but ultimately disposable, that paintings and dresses and mugs and curtains and carpets are just pretty but have no real value, that beauty is fleeting and vain and therefore shouldn't be thought about too much, if even looked for at all... we fall into these traps so easily, and we forget that there are chapters upon chapters of painstakingly detailed plans to build one portable worship tent, and those plans have been handed down through thousands of years of human history, because beauty and art and skill in craft is important
#I have to go get ready for work now but I will come back to this#and don't even get me started on the parts about God calling specific craftsmen *by name*#he called them!! by name!!! he said 'this man is good at his job. he creates beautiful work. he will build my temple and make it beautiful'#and even more--God inspired him!!!! it was a calling of GOD for him to create beautiful carvings and tapestries and candlesticks!!!#look even if you're not jewish or christian or religious at all you have GOT to see what it means that all these incredibly detailed plans#for building this tent-temple are extremely important#because even if you don't believe in God and don't think that this is all significant bc he personally gave the instructions#and then helped preserve this record of them so we could still read them today#you do have to see how important they were to the people of that time who first wrote them down#and the extreme care that was taken to record all of those detail#AND the fact that it's been preserved for so long and we can still read all the care that was put into creating this incredible piece#of artwork and worship they made#gurt says stuff#I just. gahhfhhfj. I'm feeling emotional about chapters of the Bible that I can't even fully force myself to pay attention to#bc there's so MUCH and I'm bad at visualizing this stuff and I tend to zone out while listening to it#but the fact that it IS that much!!! that there SO MUCH DETAIL and it goes on for SO LONG that I even struggle to pay attention!!!#that this was THAT IMPORTANT to the people who wrote it and to God!!! as an artist and someone who has always cared about art#this means so much to me ok#christianity#bible verse#bible thoughts#exodus#art#theology
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I love getting my silly little dose of validation whenever I explain something as small to my childhood as "yea they taught us to be prepared to be soldiers in spiritual warfare between angels and demons from a young age" and having my therapist or a friend respond like
#my therapist thought I was making a crusades joke and looked genuinely distressed when I said No No. I mean literal spiritual warfare.#I've never seen a person go thru the 5 stages of grief faster than that man in that moment#by spiritual warfare I mean the demons and angels fighting around us at all times or whatever the fuck#the thing that causes people to say the devil is attacking them#but yea no that fueled my martyr complex but not nearly as much as other things#cause this one was at least hypothetical and invisible#'She Said Yes' and whatnot was much more real and much scarier#my paranoia was awful in middle and high school#But yea me and a friend of mine were both raised in separate cults so we were explaining our cults to a friend and it was a great time#it's fuckin wild out here#ex christian#religious trauma
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