#not me becoming a late seasons defender lol

[fallenangelblade]

people bitch about the bunker and the way the late seasons lose the nomadic element that was so vital and inherent to the kripke era but have you considered. the bunker as a sound stage for the denouement of chuck’s winchester saga. the world becoming smaller and smaller as the narrative flattens and collapses in on itself. dolls in a dollhouse. the gothic ancestral house and sitcom interior all in one, equal parts warm and bleak, simultaneously labyrinthine and claustrophobic.

the bunker invites its own sort of horror within the broader context of the metanarrative: you’re too distracted by the comforts of the home you’ve craved all your life to notice that it’s just set dressing.

[flythesail]

Over a month after Nancy Drew s4 I'd say my opinion is still largely the same. Not my favorite season, but I enjoyed most of it. Like I wish they did something different with the black door and the sin Nancy erased, but I can also see why they wanted to go that route and how it lines up with the show's themes. Is it effective? Eh, I think the payoff could have been better. The unfortunate thing is that regardless of whether or not it was the final season, trying to fit that into a handful of episodes would always be hard. But at least if it wasn't the final season, they could have addressed it more going forward rather than wrap it up all at once. Plus, it's just never going to sit well with me introducing Alice to kill her. There's just better ways they could have gone about that mystery. All this is going on as Bess is committed to proving the good and necessity of the supernatural too. I can do my own analysis there. Yet if they had more episodes, maybe these two storylines could have intersected on screen.

Overall though, what I have to keep coming back to is how different it would feel if this was just another chapter in the story rather than the ending. I wanted more nace and I wanted more scenes with the drew crew this season. Ace missing out on the cake fight is ESPECIALLY disappointing because I'm always going to want the characters over plot. That's not what happened. Yet if there were two or three or even one more season to come, there would still be time to fill in the gaps that s4 left.

[james-bucky-barnackle]

Froyo

Synopsis: During a premiere red carpet with Drew, an interviewer’s question accidentally reveals that a seemingly ordinary dinner was actually Drew’s attempt at a first date covered by two random tiktoks. Pairing: Drew Starkey x Actress!Reader Word Count: IDK I'm too sleep deprived to count A/N: I know I still owe you guys a Gwayne Hightower fanfic, but the chokehold Drew fucking Starkey has on me is insane. btw, I realized this is the second time I've created a fic based on real people vs the normal Marvel character thingy I do. And to be honest, there's gonna be a lot more... so maybe I should make this a series considering they're all triggered by an interview and Y/N's always an actress lol. ALSO at the end, there's a poll on what you think should happen next, and best believe I'll do my best to write that.

There’s an edit circulating on TikTok of you and your co-star Drew Starkey from your red carpet interview together. You’re both starring in an Amazon limited series about college classmates who become close after witnessing your professor’s murder and are now on a shared mission to solve the crime. You’ve known him closely for a year now, but have been following his career even before that. I mean, who wouldn’t? The man is gorgeous. But of course, you couldn’t let him know that.

As shooting began, the two of you grew closer, and you decided to be professional and put that whole fascination aside. You’ve both even dated other actors and celebrities, which have also been topics for gossip channels and paparazzi photos. Despite all that, you’ve hung out plenty, mostly in groups but also during breaks in filming—often grabbing lunch and coffee together.

Today, you and Drew are laughing as you finally see the edit that’s been at the top of both your PR’s nightmare list.

You’re dressed in an elegant beige gown, skin-tight and slightly sheer, which Carrie Bradshaw would definitely call the naked dress. Your hair is pulled back in a low bun, bangs effortlessly framing your face. You’ve just arrived at the red carpet, taking your time to chat with interviewers. The first few questions are light, mostly about how fun it was working on set and, of course, what you're wearing.

After a few minutes, Drew catches up to you. He’s in a baby blue suit, sepia shades covering his eyes, smelling incredible. His presence is like a tight, warm hug—well, a little tighter on your chest. His voice sends tingles down your spine as he whispers, one hand casually placed on the small of your back.

“What did I miss?” He smiles at you and the interviewer.

“Oh, nothing much, I was just telling Amelia how you’re always late to everything.” You smirk, shooting a playful look at the camera. Amelia, your interviewer, raises her eyebrows dramatically, playing along. Both of you laugh as Drew backs away, feigning offense.

“I’ve been here since like—” He starts to defend himself.

“Like five minutes ago,” you say, rolling your eyes.

“Valid,” he agrees with a shrug, laughing.

Amelia continues her interview, moving on to ask about the possibility of a second season.

“I mean, yeah, I’d love to do a second season, for sure,” you nod, glancing at Drew, who’s nodding along, letting you take the lead. “But I’m not sure if it makes sense, since it was originally written as a one-season story. For that to happen, someone might have to die again so Kelsea and James can investigate something new.”

Kelsea and James are the names of the characters you play—who, of course, end up dating on the show.

“So you’re saying someone has to die for the two of you to get back together on set?” Amelia jokes, her deadpan delivery only making it funnier.

“I mean, I don’t know!” You laugh. “You’re twisting my words, Amelia!”

“I honestly think you just don’t want to hang out with me anymore, Y/N,” Drew chimes in, a playful pout on his face. “I’m hurt.”

“Is that why there wasn’t a second date?” Amelia asks, teasingly. Her tone is light, but the question lands hard. Drew’s eyes widen in surprise, his smile freezing as if even he didn’t see that one coming. He covers his mouth, trying not to laugh while you stand there, looking utterly confused.

“Second date? What?” You laugh, trying to figure out if this is some sort of red carpet joke you weren’t briefed on. You glance at Drew, who’s just shaking his head, still grinning but not offering any explanations.

You lower your voice, leaning towards him, “What is she—what date?” You chuckle awkwardly, trying to maintain your cool, though the confusion is clearly written all over your face. Drew glances at Amelia, then back at you, and you can tell he feels a little bad now.

Finally, after what feels like an eternity of awkward silence, Drew admits, “When we got dinner and froyo.” He says it so nonchalantly that it takes you a second to process.

“That was a date?!” you whisper-yell, smacking his arm, your jaw practically hitting the floor. “You said it was just dinner!”

“I know!” Drew laughs, his cheeks turning a little pink. “I said that because I thought you didn’t like me back! I was sending out signals!”

“What signals?” you ask, still reeling from the shock. “That’s unfair, you said it was just dinner! I feel so bad—I didn’t know!” You place your hand on his arm, squeezing it apologetically. You’re both laughing now, but you’re also genuinely flustered.

“I did tell you!” Drew protests. “I said, ‘Do you want to have dinner with me?’ And you were like, ‘Are we bringing Madz along?’ And when I said no, you were like, ‘Why?’”

“That is not enough, Drew!” You laugh, cheeks burning with embarrassment. Your PR team is probably dying, but at least this little moment might boost some publicity for the show. You actually remember the video Amelia might be referring to; your assistant had sent it to you a few months back. You found it interesting and even funny because you honestly thought it was just a fan shipping the two of you together—cutting together videos and photos of you and Drew when you were out to eat. You try to recall what that day was like and pick apart whatever signals Drew was referring to, but you really can’t remember anything different from the way he’s interacted with you since you two first met.

You realize the gag has gone on long enough and decide to wrap it up before the awkwardness can escalate further.

“Amelia, I’m so sorry about this,” you say with a dramatic sigh, trying to regain your composure. “Even while confessing his undying love for me, he’s still late. Men, what can you do?”

Drew, still chuckling, wraps an arm around you and presses a soft kiss to your forehead, his way of apologizing. You feel a warmth settle over you, even as your mind is still catching up to everything.

The camera flashes pop around you, and suddenly, those TikTok edits of you looking perpetually confused start to make a little more sense.

When the premiere starts, halfway through the screening, you excuse yourself to the bathroom. You check your makeup, but instead of heading straight back to the theater, you decide to take a moment. The whole "date reveal" situation has thrown you off more than you realized, and you need a second to process it. You stare at your reflection in the mirror, replaying the interview in your head. You haven't had the chance to talk to Drew about it since, and the thought lingers in the back of your mind. You don’t want another clueless moment to make it into the tabloids.

You wash your hands, fix your makeup, and prepare to head back out. But as you step through the door, you see Drew standing there, waiting.

“Well, look who it is—the jokester,” you say, crossing your arms with a mock grin. “Here to ask me out on another one-sided date?”

Drew smirks, stepping closer. “Huh? What are you talking about? I’m just here to pee,” he teases, nudging your shoulder.

“Not funny,” you mutter, rolling your eyes but feeling a smile tug at the corner of your mouth.

“Hey, I’m sorry.” His smile softens, and for the first time since the red carpet, you can tell he actually feels a little guilty. “I really am.”

“You should be!” You huff, but your tone is playful now, your annoyance melting away as you meet his eyes. "That was so long ago."

Drew takes a step closer, and you suddenly become very aware of the quietness around you. It’s just the two of you now, the noise of the premiere distant, almost forgotten. His gaze flickers to your lips for just a second, and your heart skips a beat.

“Y/N…” He hesitates, like he’s trying to find the right words. “About that second date…”

“You mean actual first date?” you correct him, raising an eyebrow, trying to keep your cool.

Drew pauses, then chuckles softly. “Yeah,” he admits, rubbing the back of his neck. “Actual first date. What do you think?”

You stare at him, caught off guard. You weren’t expecting him to just put it out there like that. His easygoing nature usually means he hides behind jokes or avoids direct confrontation. But now, with no cameras, no noise—just you and him—he’s being sincere.

“You know,” you say, your voice quieter now, “if you made it clear the first time, I still would’ve said yes.”

Drew’s eyes widen slightly, and a smile slowly spreads across his face. “Really?”

“Yeah,” you nod, feeling a mix of relief and excitement. “Really.”

His grin widens, and there’s something boyishly excited about it, like you’ve just given him the best news of the day. “No froyo this time, I promise.”

“Good,” you laugh. “Because that wasn’t a date.”

“Duly noted.” He steps closer, his hand brushing yours, and this time it doesn’t feel accidental. His fingers curl around yours lightly, the touch sending a spark through you.

“You know, we could leave early,” he suggests, glancing back towards the theater. “Skip the rest of the screening, maybe grab some dinner… somewhere where I make it clear it’s a date.”

You bite your lip, considering it, but your eyes narrow playfully. “And deal with the wrath of our PR teams later? You must love living dangerously.”

He chuckles, shaking his head. “You make a good point. But I promise, after all the photos, after all the interviews... we’ll do this right.”

You nod, smiling at him. “I’ll hold you to that.”

With that, you both walk back into the theater. His hand lingers on yours for a moment longer before he finally lets go, and even as you take your seats for the rest of the screening, the air between you has changed.

You glance at him once more, feeling that familiar warmth return, only this time, it’s not confusing or awkward.

The noise of the film dims around you, though you’re still hyper-aware of the room, the hundreds of eyes on the screen, and the occasional flash from the press in the back. Drew leans back in his seat, arms crossed loosely, but he’s not watching the movie either. Instead, he looks over at you, catching your eye.

You feel the heat rise in your cheeks, and you quickly face forward, pretending to focus on the movie. But then, from the corner of your vision, you feel him move slightly closer. The tension that was always there, that you’d pushed aside so many times, is undeniable now.

After the premiere ends, there’s the usual round of applause and the hum of people slowly rising to leave. Drew stands up first, offering you his hand, and even though you can stand up just fine on your own, you take it. There’s something about that gesture that feels significant—like you’ve crossed a line you didn’t realize you were approaching until now.

You’re both still in work mode, nodding and smiling at the industry people you pass, but the moment you’re outside, the cool night air hitting your face, Drew turns to you, a glint of mischief in his eyes.

“Alright,” he says, running a hand through his hair. “How do you feel about grabbing that dinner tonight?”

You blink, caught off guard by how fast he’s moving. “Tonight? We just got out of the premiere,” you laugh, though there’s excitement bubbling under the surface. “I know, but if I wait any longer, who knows what crazy schedules we’ll get caught up in again.” He steps closer, his smile genuine, warm. “I’ve waited this long to actually do it right. What’s a few more hours?"

“Alright,” you say, a grin breaking through. “Let’s do it. Dinner—our actual first date.”

His eyes light up. “Great. I know a place.”

The restaurant Drew takes you to is tucked away, quiet and intimate, and you laugh at how quaint it is, most of the other diners are old enough to be your grandparents. You feel comfort knowing most of them don't have phones let alone know who the both of you are. For all they care, you could be two kids coming home from a costume party just ending the night with a bite.

“So,” you say as you both sit down, menus in hand but neither of you really looking at them. “This is what a proper date feels like, huh?”

Drew leans back in his chair, grinning. “Better than froyo, right?”

You laugh, rolling your eyes. “Significantly better.”

There’s a moment of comfortable silence, the kind where you both just look at each other and realize this is happening—really happening. You’re on a date with Drew, and it’s not some PR stunt or a casual hangout. It’s real. And for the first time, you’re letting yourself want it. "You think they're wondering why we're over dressed?" You hide behind a menu. "Overdressed? Excuse me? This is what I wear everyday." Drew retorts, making you chortle.

“So,” you say, resting your chin on your hand, “What’s the plan after this? Froyo?”

Drew chuckles, shaking his head. “You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?”

“Not a chance.”

He grins, eyes glinting with that same playful energy you’ve always liked. “Well, I’ll make sure tonight’s memorable enough that it overshadows that.”

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[ilikekidsshows]

i’m not super active in the ml fandom anymore so i’m pretty out of date when it comes to fandom drama. are there still fans out here thinking that adrien being a sentimonster would make a good metaphor for child abuse? looking through some of your posts kinda brought flashbacks lol

i remember seeing some fans using it to explain why sentiadrien would be a good storyline in ml buy i always thought it would’ve been unnecessary. I mean adrien’s abuse storyline already existed before all that. sentimonsters were only introduced in the season 2 finale, and the whole sentimonster theory never even existed until that one season 3 episode…I think it was called “Ladybug”? and that was close to the end of season 3. Before that, adrien’s abuse storyline had no mention of sentimonsters and the show did a pretty okay job at handling it, so I think the sentimonster plotline was unnecessary for adrien’s arc (after all, why include a metaphor for something that’s already there in the story?) and would’ve just made it more complicated in a way I think the show’s writers would not have been able to handle.

The whole idea of sentimonsters in ml always gave horror vibes due to the whole lack of autonomy thing. I think if the writers wanted to make adrien a sentimonster, they should’ve leaned into the horror aspect because I think that’s the only way that story would be treated with the seriousness it deserves (but i also don’t expect them to do that since this is a kids’ show we’re talking about, which is also why I thought that idea never should’ve been included to begin with but I digress).

I remember seeing some fans say that sentiadrien was a good metaphor for abuse and while I disagreed with their takes, I figured they trying to see things from an optimistic perspective and were in that denial phase since many of us didn’t want to admit ml was becoming a shitshow…but do you wanna know something funny? actually, it’s not funny, it’s pretty sad.

I moved on to another fandom for a story that includes this character who is a canonical abuser. This character is extremely popular in that fandom, and I saw posts from this one ml blog I recognized (that used to talk about sentiadrien being a great metaphor for child abuse) defending the character that verbally and physically abused their victim multiple times throughout the story. their reasoning was that the victim didn’t react too badly to the verbal and physical abuse (victim has a habit of downplaying their hurt to seem tougher like many teenagers do) and the abuser can not be abusive because they were also abused and struggled a lot when they were younger?

so it’s kinda funny but also very sad that one of the very vocal defenders of sentiadrien being awesome for adrien’s abuse survivor arc doesn’t actually seem to know that much about child abuse…or they’re just ignoring what they should know for their faves…reminds me of some certain stans in the ml fandom.

…and i didn’t mean to make this so long, whoops

---

I blocked all the SentiAdrien defenders and the phrases they use years ago, but I do think I’ve been seeing less “this post has blocked content” posts lately, which implies the SentiAdrien defenders finally shut up after the show dropped the ball on it in a very expected but still extremely infuriating way. The only defense I’ve seen is the usual “season 6 will fix this” bullcrap.

Frankly, I think the defensive side of the fandom is mostly ignoring what canon did with their “cool concept, that's totally a good metaphor for abuse”. Now they're instead treating Marinette doing the bare minimum of giving Adrien his free will back (while risking it further by not telling him that's what she’s doing) as romantic, because Adrien's free will takes the form of wedding rings. Oh, what an act of true love, that Marinette gives Adrien his remote control without the knowledge he needs to keep it safe. She was so selfless for not keeping it for her own even though the knowledge she holds makes Adrien dependent on her for his safety without his knowledge.

Truly, if this is the fandom’s idea of selflessness and romance, I really do think Adrien giving her one or both of the rings as a sign of his commitment would be met with jubilant screeching instead of the horror it should be. This fandom already sees Adrien as Marinette's property and that's why the dehumanization never bothered them; it makes it easier for Marinette to claim possession of him and control him if he has no human rights, after all.

In hindsight, the warning signs for this fandom reaction were there. The common refusal to see anything Marinette does as wrong and the extreme hostility towards any girl being in Adrien's vicinity despite everyone knowing that the love square would be endgame, while Marinette could collect a harem with the OTP defenders’ lack of reaction to her having competing suitors shows that the fandom has always been ready to devalue Adrien for Marinette's benefit. Adrien needing Marinette to make decisions for him on who he can see was a common idea even before Marinette started making decisions for Adrien over his dad's identity and his own free will.

Almost all the Married AUs I’ve seen also have Marinette take over his father's company, while Adrien is a stay at home dad or works at the bakery or has some other “commoner” job. The idea is that Adrien wouldn't want it, and Marinette would make the company better than Gabriel ever did because she's a better designer and kinder boss, but you can see how this common, unquestioned aspect of fandom lore devalues Adrien for Marinette’s literal monetary gain. We also have so many posts about Adrien donating all of his wealth away and buying extravagant things for his friends because he doesn't want it. Basically, Adrien shouldn't have financial independence, but Marinette should, so Marinette has to seize his wealth. Everything about Adrien gets weighed based on how it benefits Marinette.

As such, yeah, I do think people in fandoms tend to overlook and excuse abuse when their favorites are the ones benefiting from it or committing it, and the Miraculous fandom is a prime example of this. The Miraculous fandom has been spouting literal abuse apologia to excuse Marinette treating Adrien the exact same way Gabriel did, stuff like “Adrien is too emotionally volatile to know the truth”, “Adrien can’t be trusted to make his own decisions” and “Marinette has good intentions, so Adrien should forgive her anyway even if what she’s doing is wrong”. And the show's writers are encouraging them to think this way, the "Adrien is too emotional" excuse came straight from them. There's a reason I've been calling Miraculous "Abuse Apologia the Show" lately.

[variousqueerthings]

hi hello the exorcist show for the ask game please!!! (hope you are well!)

AHHH HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO

awwyeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (also known as: the show of all fucking time that nobody watched before it was too late, including my good self but lbr they were never giving it a third season but does it matter???? we got two seasons of some of the most beautiful narrative you can imagine. chill im chill you know im chill gosh im so happy you watched this show still!)

my favorite female character ooh, this is interesting, because I never had a Fave fave out of all of them, but i think a toss-up between Angela Rance (duh, perhaps, my beloved Geena Davis), Mother Bernadette (i miss u babe), and Rose Cooper (head solidly on her shoulders as she navigates the utterly bizarre, adopts all the kids 😭😭😭)

my favorite male character YOU KNOW! HOW DIFFICULT! THIS IS! YOU KNOW I HAVE TO GO MARCUS BUT THEN TOMAS WOULD ALSO SAY MARCUS (but then Marcus would say Tomas, so forwards and backwards we go) - my midlands orphan who was groomed and abused by the Church to become an object/weapon, who has somehow maintained an inherent belief in People, in Goodness, and above all who will never ever let another child suffer on his watch!!!! who sees abused children and wants to save them!!!!!!!!! who is queer and deeply repressed (canonically this time, we say this about many a character, but Canonically!!!!) and working through it!!!! played by the beauteous and yet rugged Ben Daniels!!!! This character Did Things to my psyche forever and always, he is nestled softly in there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my favorite book/season/etc Mmmmmmm there's only two to go for... I think........ argh. hm. ok. no. i can't do it. coward's way out. soz babe

my favorite episode (if its a tv show) me like, damn it's so episodic, what happened wheeen but ok in terms of Moments in the story: s1: when we properly discover who Angela is. the rug pull is so so good for me and pulls everything into focus as a Story! s2: toss up between "Marcus makes out with a sexy fisherman (called Peter!!) while Tomas embarks on The Horrors alone," and the finale............. gosh that s2 finale!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my favorite cast member I've seen Ben Daniels onstage and it absolutely rocked my whole world, but I cannot go without shouting out Alfonso Herrera (yes, he of Sense8 fame to anyone reading this trying to connect the dots!) Geena Davis, and John Cho!!!! like!!!! this cast is fucking Stacked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my favorite ship Tomas/Marcus. whatever they are, they are everything to one another! which is the whole core of the show

a character I’d die defending Father Devon Bennett!!!!! I don't know if he needs defending from fandom, but holy cow the way we leave him is so so bleak it hurts my soul!!!!! can someone come save my baby boy 😭😭😭

a character I just can’t sympathize with Idk man. the demons? OH NO WAIT I KNOW FUCKN! MARIA WALTERS!!!! Truly a "ok sob story, still evil" kinda thing (which is the point, this woman!!! this fucking woman!!!!!!!) -- i do like how absolutely pathetic she was in a particular way I usually see in these powerhungry guys! girlboss! cancer killed the demon inside of her (lol)

a character I grew to love I'd say Mouse. I think the thing about Mouse is simply that we didn't get to the next part of her story, so she's In Potentia permanently. I also think it was a slight misstep to ground her in a past will-they-won't-they with Marcus, because it puts her into that fatal position of "oh so she's just a love interest after all" vs giving her her own journey, BUT! HOWEVER! She does have her own journey! very much so in fact! it's just that that wig Ben Daniels had in the flashbacks was fucking atrocious and you were maybe more interested in the current-day stuff on first watch but then on second watch she really came into her own for me, especially everything she was doing with Bennett! I wish we'd had more of them doing Stuff together! I wish we could have seen her and Tomas properly bonding!!!!!!!!!

my anti otp um. dunno really. Marcus and the wig. I wasn't necessarily compelled by Marcus and Mouse romantically either, I will say, but her hero-worshipping him and misreading it a certain way (she was a young nun, he was a mysterious exorcist), that I can get behind, especially since present-day Mouse is so Capable and Jaded, we like that journey for her

Anyway... that fucking show. forever in my mind. forever hurting my soul. forever waiting for a third season. forever recommending it because even without a full ending it's so so satisfying!

sry needed to add gifs of marcus touching tomas like he's precious

[numberonetacostan]

I'm glad you were able to answer my first ask lol- I just love the Paco Swap AU, since I've always loved swap AUS

Soo I'm gonna ask/yap more about the AU (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)

Whenever Pickle lashed out (like right before he left) How did people think about the things he said about Taco? Like it must've been like shocking, even if they didn't talk or care much about the two of them. Just hearing someone so close to her, often defending and helping her throughout the season, just up and insult her and call her and idiot right Infront of her. And everyone knowing that she can't understand a thing- must be like jarring. And those who 'elected' themselves to help her afterwards, how could they bring themselves to explain or attempt to explain what he was so angry about? I don't think they'd ever truly tell her what he'd said, she was already extremely sad that he was gone, so trying to tell her what he was talking about? That would be near impossible.

Also on the subject of the hotel, and the language barrier. Would Pickle attempt to learn more French even after leaving? You said he knew a few phrases he would use with Taco, but would he want to learn more to maybe try and talk to her again (Btw how much French does she know? It's likely the language she knows the most, but is she like fluent?) This is mostly because of the letters. In the original Taco would send letters to Pickle, hoping he would answer, but instead he would burn them. (Don't think Paco Taco would ever burn his letters, possibly keeping them in her shell or room). But I don't think Pickle would be fluent enough in French to write, and who knows how much she would be able to actually read from it? (Due to either Pickles spelling, Tacos literacy, or even due to another contestant finding the letters before Taco did, and possibly keeping them.)

But what would even happen during Pickles attempt at an apology. Taco probably still struggles with English, even then, so would he try speaking French? Would he even be able to get though his apology? Taco just rushing up to greet him, because he was finally back? Only to see X (I kinda have this head canon that the presence of X would terrify anyone, I mean some objects who didn't know what was going on with X, like Pickle or even Test Tube in II, felt genuine fear. It must be something that just comes from Xs presence. So she'd likely be scared, if only for a split second) What would Pickle do? Seeing her body on the floor, not knowing what was going on, only for Mephone4 to come back and not be able to recover her. Would he feel regret for not coming sooner? For being too late to fully apologize? What about the contestants? Would they hear her scream?

It's likely Paco Taco would take the original Pickles place on the couch, so she'd likely become closer with Cheesy, Bomb, and such. (Bomb being one who knew that Taco primary spoke French and not English)

Erm

Just a lighthearted one next, you recently made a post of Taco and Mic head canons that Taco doesn't like anyone(?) aside from Mic looking through her shell (With permission of course) What would be Paco Tacos feeling about others looking though her own shell? What would she keep inside? (Lemons perchance):D

-

I'm a yapper, who didn't properly lok though tis one so Grammer mistakes might be in here, light hearted apologies in advance(⁠･ั⁠ω⁠･ั⁠)

Also Paco Taco is soo fun to say out loud

Hi (⁠･ั⁠ω⁠･ั⁠)!!^^ Welcome back, and thank you for saying in an ask!! :] I'm so glad you like the au so much!!! It makes me very happy!!!! X)

Yeah, they were very surprised!! They'd seemed so close, but here he is spitting insults at her when she can't even understand what he's saying. A similar reaction to how they reacted to Taco's betrayal, I suppose.

As for explaining to her why he was upset, I think they'd be vague and emphasize that it was not her fault. Pickle was mad at her, but it was because of him, not Taco. They'd be very gentle with her, and probably say it was money-related, since technically that is more or less what he was mad about.

I think it would take some time for him to start trying to pick up French for real this time, but I do think he'd do it. He'd study especially hard when he's with Mepad, since he would have access to tools like duolingo or other such apps, and because he's preparing to apologize to her and wants her to be able to understand how sorry he is.

Taco would be fluent in French, yes! And by season 2 finale, probably mostly fluent in English as well, since it's been quite a few years. She's mostly just non-verbal in general, but when she does decide to say something, by that time it makes a lot more sense. She still yells nonsense if she so desires, though. Her not understanding things is, at this point, not so much a language barrier as much as it is that she's silly and spacey and not the smartest. If she's sat down and someone explains something to her clearly and patiently, she can get it!! She's usually just not really paying attention, she's too busy enjoying herself and being silly. She has her priorities very straight, I think. So, she understands more in general, but will still get confused if she doesn't put the effort into paying attention, which happens a lot.

Pickle's letters would probably mostly be in English, since he wouldn't know that much French. He didn't put much effort into learning it, just enough to give Taco the occasionally empty platitude to keep her happy. He'd try to write in simple English, but she still wouldn't be able to read it. And even then I don't think she'd ever see them, the others wouldn't pass them on to her, they'd probably get burnt.

He'd get through most of his apology, but probably choke up at a point and she'd take out her little arms (something she still rarely ever does) and give him a big (for her size) hug!!! She would nuzzle him and probably say his name again and again!! She missed him so much and now he is back and talking to her nicely again!! She'd probably start crying too because she missed him very much.

As for MephoneX, Pickle still gets offed first in this!! He's trying to get Mic to let him stay with Taco instead of kicking him out right away, and X comes from behind Mic and deactivates him. Taco would screech and cry, and Mic would also be confused and rather terrified, but then X would start going after Taco. She'd run away screaming, ending up in the middle of the party backed against the doors the same way OJ was, and get deactivated as well. So yes they'd all hear and see her scream!!!

She probably would take the place on the couch!! She'd be pretty lonely after Pickle leaves, so I think she'd like staying out in the common area where people pass through so she has company!!

As for Paco Taco's feelings on people looking through her shell, I'd like to direct you to this post in which I mention that she bites OJ when he tries to reach inside her shell. She would not like it!! Pickle can do it because he's her forever bestie, and maybe Knife is allowed to sometimes, but she wouldn't love it when people reach inside of her. She'd bite them for trying. Yup!! She'd keep lemons, cool rocks, Pickle's old stuff because she misses him, pretty leaves, etc. in there!!

[puckpocketed]

hi van!!!! I know you follow prospects and I know absolutely zero about them, so I was wondering who your faves are / do you have any thoughts about who might be 10A? :)

Hello!! This ask was sent to me very early in the season, and since then two other people have asked similar things and I’ve started and restarted the answer at least 5 times. DEEPEST apologies for the late answer anon/s if you’re still hanging about!

“Follow” is such a generous word for what I do lol!! These are like, vague vibe checks with a side of hockey interest for flavour. Please don’t come here for deep insights or super serious takes on prospects I have no method or process to speak of and mostly just drift around getting attached to whoever looks fun! <3

If you're new around here, all of my draft-related media gathering is filed under #puckscouting and subdivided by year e.g. #2024 draft class, #2025 draft class. More on my navigation page.

Who goes 10th overall?

If you go looking you’re gonna hear a lot about how this class just isn’t that deep. I’m coming to understand that this doesn’t mean a lack of talent, it simply means the “project” type players start a lot earlier. If you’re drafting in the top 4-5, the going sentiment is you’ll probably get a top-6 NHLer, but beyond that there are fewer guaranteed hits in the first round than usual.

Given this, I feel that it’s such a crapshoot to try and predict who goes where. It really will depend on who drafts 10th and what type of player they like, and despite my appetite for losing dogs idk what every basement team needs in their prospect pool or who they’ve been inclined to draft in the past. I don’t know if I could make a serious prediction here, I’m sorry <3

For the sake of the exercise, I would say Caleb Desnoyers. Lots of buzz right now!! He’s a late riser, and though I’ve seen him listed as high as #5 in draft rankings I think having no standout tools will knock him down a few places in favour of some guy that’s 6’2 and can’t use his inside edges (MANY such cases)

Desnoyers is a coach's dream apparently, and despite a lack of flash he earns critical minutes wherever he goes. He’s described as a hard worker who plays an honest and consistent brand of hockey, a “winner” if you will. He’s considered right outside of that truly gifted tier but has a lot going for him in terms of character + work ethic. I’m sure some team is going to be very happy drafting him and letting him cook in juniors/the AHL for a few years before bringing him in at 3C.

Who are my favourite prospects

This entire season I’ve really enjoyed live blogging the WHL’s weekly free streamed games (Wednesday Night in the Dub -> #wntd lb) and have become quite attached to a few guys! Beyond that, between cracking open backdated draft guides and scouting podcasts and following my various NHL teams, there are almost too many to mention <3

By far my favourite prospect currently is Luca Cagnoni (2023 SJS #123) whom everyone will have seen recently on account of how I was experiencing crazies beyond mortal comprehension during his NHL debut (the first couple times I drafted this I said he would definitely get a call-up <3)

He is a shifty, smart, puck moving defenseman, and he’s just so fun to watch. No panic, always has a plan if he’s got the puck, lots of slick one-touch passes, lots of excellent stick checking, lots of noodling through people with his skating <3 He was excellent when I watched him in juniors and he’s only gonna get better with our young core. I loved seeing what him and Celebrini were able to accomplish during their short time together in preseason.

Cagnoni’s story is the stuff movies are made of, going from undrafted in the WHL -> being the first defender from his draft class to play in the NHL. I know it’s too early and he’s still got a long way to go before he’s a regular in the NHL, but what he’s already done this season in his first full year playing pro in the AHL has been stunning.

During the offseason there was some speculation that we’d send Cagnoni back to juniors with the Winterhawks. Instead, he was one of the last camp cuts in preseason and got sent to the AHL where he carved out a permanent spot playing pro. Everything I read from coaching/management has him ahead of schedule. He has exceeded all expectations. He’s 20, he turned 20 in December, he’s one year younger than the other undersized puck moving defenseman who made a splash this season (we have Lane Hutson at home…..)

Post-deadline the Sharks, who are hurting for defensemen (the eternal search to fill EK65’s hole) (THE HOLE HE LEFT. THE HOLE HE LEFT), have called Cagnoni up. The other night we watched him get thrown into the deep end against the Canes, who are known for their fierce forechecking, and we watched Warso send him out for the critical 6v5 minutes at the end when they were trying to tie up the game. He’s gonna be so good. I write this with tears in my eyes like I’m soooo emo about this kid <33

Barring disaster I think Cagnoni is going to make it real hard to keep him off the Sharks next training camp. He probably won’t make the cut (depending on how contracts shake out over the summer) but I’m not penciling him in as a Cuda mainstay either.

I know he’s not exactly GM Mike Grier’s usual violent-goodboy / skilled bigboys with glaring issues on draft day type — but he’s a Grier draft pick nonetheless. I think it has to mean something that he was picked by Grier in spite of the size thing. If I’m wrong and he gets tr*ded on the draft floor or over the summer you will see me on the evening news + in the liveblog tags of whomever he goes to !!

Every time people have doubted Cagnoni he has proven them wrong. I can’t wait to see what he does next!! <3

From the 2025 draft class in no particular order:

Ivan Fomin (Cocaine Rabbit)

SHRIMP (rabid variety). He is playing on a bottom tier team in one of Russia’s junior leagues, likely not on any NHL team’s radar, and stands at five-foot-nothing. Since I heard some guys talk about him on a podcast (transcript here - featured on my pinned because i LOVED it) I’ve come to root for some team to take him in, like, the 7th round of the draft and let him cook for 4-5 years and see what happens.

His shift compilations I can only describe as watching a little dude go extremely hard, vs guys that have more than a foot on him, for 40-60 seconds, risking life and limb for the puck. Intensity is the word here, and cocaine rabbit is an apt nickname. I worry for his health and safety. HE HAS TO MAKE IT PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE.

Victor Eklund (the smaller, more evil Ekky)

Won’t lie, half the reason I’m fond of him is because I keep hearing about how he “seeks more contact” than his brother William. I love a spark plug, and he was one of the hardest working players on team Sweden at this past WJC. He worked his way up that team’s depth chart, going from the 4th line to taking on critical minutes in their final games, all while being their youngest player. I really don’t know much about him at all but I really need him to come to the Sharks and cause a Swedish locker room schism.

The other name you’ll hear in conjunction with Victor’s is the other big Swedish draft-eligible, Anton Frondell. Frondell was a projected top 5 pick coming into the season and fell a little in draft rankings due to injury and since coming back he’s playing at a blistering pace. Victor Eklund as far as I can tell has been considered as hovering just outside of the top 5 tier by most of the big draft ranking lists (though he’s got his dedicated supporters !!).

They both play on Djurgarden in the HockeyAllsvenskan and last I heard they’re linemates and pretty good friends! It tickles me knowing that somewhere out there scouts are having heated debates about whether Vekky is an Anton Frondell merchant or if Frondell is an Eklund merchant <3

Sidebar: it would be stupidly funny if Victor Eklund fell to 10th because he’s smaller + a winger. I was listening to a Ducks podcast and one of them said it best: he’s everything we love about watching hockey. The energy, the speed, the skill, and the violence. Unfortchies he’s not 6’4! <3

Benjamin Kindel (Bindel! Who did NOT embarrass me in front of all my friends at Wednesday Night in the Dub)

A fun watch every time I’ve managed to catch a Calgary Hitmen game. The passing, the pure skill is !! Wow!! He’s . idk. Tactically very fun? He chains together plays with fakes, dekes in tight, passes you don’t expect. Don’t have to be a hockey genius to recognise and love that kind of player. He’s one of those public scout darlings you hear about again and again if you’re really listening. I find it all so fascinating… I love to pick out guys draft writers and prospect analysts fixate on. He also wears #11 and I have a big soft spot for #11s <3 

He’s a HUGE mid/late-season riser and people think he’ll go early in the first round. There’s something about his game that has scouts intrigued, so I do wonder if a team takes a swing — you never know which team will go off the board! 

Cole Reschny (Mr. Glitter)

If you see me post “MR. GLITTER” I’m talking about him. I think by now it’s obvious I’m partial to the skilled type. I must have said this a million times but he caught my eye during a game where I was supposed to be watching Cameron Schmidt (your 2025 draft class Goal Scorer). Reschny has questionable skating according to some — I’m not knowledgeable enough to tell the difference <3

He’s always. doing stuff? He’s very involved is what I’m saying. You can’t help noticing him in a game because he’s always in the play when he’s on he ice — and he is always on the ice. He’s become an all-situations player for the Victoria Royals so there’s plenty of time to get his reps in post-draft. Really excited to see where he goes! Lots of doubts as to how his skill will translate to the NHL (he does a bit of everything and he does it well, my read is that they don’t know what role he’ll take on) but a veryyy fun junior hockey player.

Blake Fiddler (the Stars’ prodigal son)

I did a bit of a trawl through his media during and after a wntd game! Haven’t really paid attention to his actual play but he’ll probably go high (6’4/good skater/RHD), what’s interesting to me is his bespoke rinkrat status!! He’s the son of former Stars player Vernon Fiddler and grew up in NHL locker rooms, deeply admires Heiskanen, and has spent his summers skating with the likes of J.Benn and WyJo.

If the Stars don’t get to draft him, I’ll understand. Given they’re in their contending window, I don’t imagine they’ll keep their early round picks. But I will be sad the whole time </3

Clippings here, here, and here — some interesting stuff about the growth of hockey in Texas + his (surprisingly healthy sounding) relationship with his jockfather.

Matthew Schaefer (^_^ the Usurper)

How does a guy’s stock actually rise while he’s not even playing? Going into this season James Hagens (of Boston College Remarriage Line fame) was the consensus 1OA. Since around the CHL/USA prospects challenge earlier this season all eyes have been on Schaefer.

I distinctly remember checking in on the prospect writers I knew were gonna be at the event and all of them were enamoured with him. He then made an extra strong statement in the few games played for team Canada at the WJC, and his impact was emphasised by how they promptly fell apart after he left the tournament with an injury.

All of that, combined with Hagens’ production taking a WILD dip (miserableeeee shooting %, pretty middling performances compared to what he was expected to accomplish playing on a stacked BC roster), and Michael Misa exploding in the OHL meant that 1OA was suddenly up in the air. This is a Sharks blog, I know the gaps in our prospect pool. We need a bona fide no. 1 defenseman, there are still doubts about Sam Dickinson, and like many pundits I suspect we’ll try to draft Schaefer wherever he happens to fall. 

HOWEVER I have to stress what’s most important is he looks like ^_^ and there was a really fun mic’d up video he did earlier this season where he looked extra ^_^ Darling of the draft class to meeee. I was SO charmed. NHL scholars will look back on these times and ask: does Matthew Schaefer have aegyo? ^_^

Think I could probably list every Sharks prospect drafted in recent years but here are the greatest hits:

Sam Dickinson (No. 3, London Knights)

Drafted #11 overall last season, same draft we got Macklin. Fun to look back and remember that Dickie was a contentious pick on draft day. I remember talking in discord as the Sharks were gonna make the pick and really hoping it was him and being SO excited when we ended up getting him. I’d known about him peripherally from following Kasper Halttunen and checking out the London Knights and was utterly charmed by Dickie’s tiktoker swag <3

At the time, Zeev Buium was still on the board and no one could believe those two hadn’t gone yet, and Dickinson was considered the less exciting of the two as someone who can do a bit of everything. He's very mobile and describes himself as a 2-way defenseman. Interestingly, one of the issues people talked about on draft day was Dickinson’s offensive upside. He responded by breaking a scoring record, taking sole possession of the London Knights’ franchise record for most points by a defenseman in a single season.

Sooooo fun reading scouting reports on him and listening to people talk about how he is progressing. it all sounds so out of pocket?? Like they’re calling him a big stupid jock </3 “decision making issues” and “struggles with high end processing” go crazy as insults ijasdkadjl 

He is SO comfortable on camera and I think that did numbers with the shmedia the short time he was in San Jose over summer?? I anticipate many, many years of our beat reporters mining him for anecdotes for their fluff pieces. Definitely need to start archiving the videos he’s done for London.

And if nothing else, we still have Sam Dickinson Smoke Alarm PSA on this bitch of an earht <3

Kasper Halttunen (Big Tuna. Kalttunen. Hubris if it took human form — meant with deep affection)

Halttunen is one of those we-can-fix-him bigboys Grier and his scouts seem to love drafting. His shot is NHL-caliber, that’s the first thing you’ll hear about him. The rest… well! We love a project <3 No seriously, I love hearing about player growth. He’ll probably never be a Selke nominee but from all reports he’s worked hard to become more than The Shot, and there’s nothing more interesting seeing what guys with the Goal Scorer identity do at the crossroads… <3 (they were giving him the Ovechkin treatment all through WJC, just hilarious seeing penalty killers cheat towards him. He ended up only scoring 1 goal, but his celly was very funny <3)

He seems like a big sweetheart and a goof <- two of the best things a player can be! And I went on an insane media gathering expedition like a month ago. If anyone here remembers that. It’s cool if you don’t, the evidence is there if you check out the Kasper Halttunen tag, there’s a giant chunk where it was just me posting the fruits of my prion disease (Kalttunen Derangement).

He is also one of those guys that gives banger quote after banger quote after banger quote (gmmg keeps drafting guys who were made for baiting Sheng Peng??) Call him a fucked up Christmas jingle because listening to him it’s Hubris All The Way. I aspire to be able to live through this cycle of over-confident sound bites -> being brutally humbled by the hockey gods the way Kasper Halttunen does. I’d simply shrivel up and die. He somehow keeps doing it? A sampler

WE NEED 10 OF THESE GUYS MIKE. MIKE ARE YOU LISTENING.

Quentin Musty (WHO is doing it like him)

Went 1OA to the Sudbury Wolves in the OHL draft and like, by junior hockey competitive cycles that team should absolutely be taking a serious run at the Memorial Cup this season and going all in… last I checked they were getting blown out by teams like Windsor and London (actual real contenders) and even dropped random games to teams at the bottom of the league.

There was this whole thing over the summer where they were playing chicken; Musty held himself out of games demanding to get traded and Sudbury put out a statement that they were suuuper-boohoo-sad that he wanted to leave because they made the house SO niceys for him. He lost the game of chicken. He’s still there. He is trapped there. I think about it all the time. <3  

Also he broke his paw around the time WJC selections were gonna be made and everyone was real sorry for him and then it got SO awkward cause someone leaked that Team USA wasn’t even gonna invite him to selection camp <333 One time when he was 16 he said no to that junior hockey cult (USNTDP) and joined the other junior hockey cult (CHL) and they’ve never let him forget it.

I love when players make choices for themselves and get punished for it yayyyy

Completely baseless speculation but if he gets to the NHL I think he’ll either be one of those players they make clickbait rumour videos about (you know the ones. where he’s like, a “locker room cancer” or whatever phrase they’re using by then) OR he’ll be THEEE Glue Guy of all time holding the Sharks locker room together through whatever slump they’re experiencing in 7 years when we’re chasing a cup. He’s just sooo fascinating to me. 

Everyone else:

Carter George (a little silly, a lot good)

Kings prospect. Oppressed juniors goalie. Really good. Really, really good. He plays behind a team that gives up close to 40 shots a night. He still managed to maintain a .909 SV% this season. He went CRAZY and put up a .927 SV% in his last 18 starts of the season to drag his shitass juniors team to OHL playoffs. They’re vs the London Knights and it’s probably gonna be brutal losses or narrow 2-1, 3-2 wins thanks to Carter <33

I was sooo naive thinking I’d see him in the AHL with the Ontario Reign soon </3 But if he stays on track and the Kings keep to their identity, one day he’ll be standing behind one of the strongest defensive teams in the league . isn’t that scary!!! :3

Aatu Jamsen

Kings prospect. Winger, rapper, hypebeast obsessed loser. I maintain a healthy adversarial dynamic with Marco Sturm because he won’t play Jams on a higher line and scratches him sometimes (this is a reasonable position to have. No don’t check my blog) Jams is cringefail and lame and I love to look at him and imagine pushing him into a puddle. Propaganda post here.

Isaiah George

Smooth skating defensive defenseman. Isles prospect. I noticed him during London’s Memorial Cup run last season, he was very steady and satisfying to watch. Loved gifing his detailed defending. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was underrated his entire career.

He got a bunch of NHL games earlier this season when their entire roster was decimated by injuries and didn’t look that out of place. Patrick Roy threw him to the wolves giving him some tough minutes, which is probably why his microstats aren’t great. But for a kid who went from playing junior hockey straight to the NHL with a handful of AHL games between, he did really well. He scored his first goal already and he was sooo :D <- his smile could save lives actually!!!!!!.

George is back down with Bridgeport for now but I suspect he makes a real run at the main roster next season depending on what Lou Lamoriello does with the aging defensemen on the Isles.

Owen Beck

Habs prospect. 2-way center who is GOATED at the faceoff. Another player I became enamoured with at the Memorial Cup, though he played opposite London for Saginaw. He was such a clutch player for that final game and I’ve been a fan ever since!

He’s had a few games in the NHL and I’m really excited to see him make it full time soon. There’s nothing particularly flashy about his game but I’m struck by his consistent growth and generally very fond of hard working role players. I ride so hard for 3rd/4th liner types who are good at their jobs. THAT’S what a championship roster is made of!! <33

There’s some potential that he tops out as more than a 3C on a contending Habs roster!! It would be super neat if it turned out he had another gear. But it’s a long shot and not why I like him as a player. Regardless, I can’t wait to see where he goes from here !! 

Tory Pitner

NEVER EVER BE AFRAID TO BE SOME GUY’S ENTIRE TAG!!! RAAAH!!!!! Avs prospect. Another defensive defenseman. He’s very raw by all accounts, but SO smart. There’s a couple interviews he did with EP where he talks through the details of the game and how he thinks about defending, and it was just fascinating. Clippings of the interviews here. There are a couple of paywalled articles about him in the New England Hockey Journal that I’m desperate to get my hands on and they haunt me 

Sometimes you’ll find me yelling at David Carle in #pios lb — this is Pitner’s college team, Denver University, where he has spent his freshman season as a 7th defenseman </33 I am feeling normal about this!!! 

I don’t know what he’ll be, I want him to make it to the NHL so I can see him play. If he gets there, he’ll be an excellent insulator for whatever puck mover they pair him up with. If he doesn’t, he’s gonna make a hell of a coach/analyst <33

Closing thoughts

Thank you so much for asking and sorry to take months to get back to you!! It WILL happen again </3

[cancerian-woman]

🔥 + bonnies friendships (either in general or with a specific person)

unpopular opinion: on Bonnie’s friends but in the end it makes sense why Enzo, Damon and Caroline are arguably the most important people to Bonnie first then Elena etc etc. Bonnie(and the rest of the group) would’ve been okay if she/them let Elena go. I know the writing says otherwise but hear me out. — lowkey turned into a barolena meta lol.

Bonenzo/Bamon both are built up on Bonnie depending on them when she had nobody else. It gave her room to see the good in them from her side of things. Makes her very dependent on somebody else. It filled up her abandonment issues. Which is never properly addressed in canon & she definitely has issues with her parents. The feuds for both ships is funny sometimes bc well…Enzo/Damon both started their relationships with her that way.

Elena reminds Bonnie of life pre-supernatural world. The life that was safe and normal. Bonnie spent most of her time with Elena and had her to lean on for anything. We don’t get enough of Bonnie’s emotions but we can tell Bonnie sees Elena/her orbit (and then everyone else as family) vice versa. Back to the point BE seemed to do just about everything together naturally. Cheerleading, sleepovers etc.. Bonlena also play into that Petrova x Bennett line repeated circle—which i think can have negative tones but pen in that lmao. The writing stopped aiding in Elena caring about her friends when she certainly did at first and thus Bonlena fell out without actually falling out heavily. But this does build an argument for Bonnie being okay, if Elena left her alone. With Bonnie having feelings in her own friendships and those feelings being loud.

Caroline plays into this because she slowly becomes the friend Bonnie needs without it being given too much focus. Baroline isn’t necessarily about life or death and has plenty of more non-serious moments. Keeping tvd’s weird “we’ll talk about Bonnie’s relationships without giving it focus” Caroline does defend Bonnie here or there. doing things like: begging Abby to stay or telling Elena, Bonnie suffers because of her. killing witches. Having Caroline admit when she’s selfish. stealing from Elena there with her happier bonding moments with Bonnie. Both Caroline and Elena have their moments just like the rest of the gang with Bonnie. Where Elena lacked, Caroline filled up the spaces that Elena had with others.

During Elena’s no humanity arc she didn’t act like Bonnie’s friend. Or anyone’s really. I think it’s something to be said here. That Bonnie is actually reflecting her choices in what Elena said to her. I know people think Elena attempting to kill Bonnie was the last straw or should’ve been. I think this should’ve been the moment the wheels started turning in Bonnie’s head. Plus Elena’s attempt. If Bonnie was allowed to be mad and stay that was after Elena bit her then it wouldn’t have been much Elena could’ve done with that. But fight for forgiveness. Humanity-back on/Human Elena would have a bigger time struggling without Bonnie’s presence than Bonnie would’ve had without Elena. Both Bonnie and Elena have lost a lot yes. But Bonnie is known for that independence and Elena isn’t.

Neither Rudy or Abby ever apologized (well)for how they treated Bonnie and while an apology from somebody would’ve been seasons late. It equally could’ve been nice coming from Elena during season 5-6. Bonnie still NEEDED family or support from them. Which she never actually has outside the vortex of the MFG. Yet has no feelings or ill thoughts to her family.

[juniperhillpatient]

I didn’t want to share this with the link but my one & only criticism of that video I shared is super specific & it’s that the video essayist doesn’t like Dennis trying to kill Dee in the castle. In my opinion that was a beautifully hilarious scene / culmination of a hysterically entertaining subplot & I strongly disagree with her that it fell into the same category as other cases of the show becoming too mean spirited & neglecting to show that these characters care about each other in the latest seasons. I do agree that this is a huge issue & literally everything else in the almost 3 hour video I fully agreed with though so please still know I loved the critique. I just really liked the castle episodes & this is an excuse to talk about it lol -

I actually found the sibling dynamic weirdly sweet in the Covid episodes. The joke was funny because it wasn’t that Dennis literally wants to kill Dee, it was that he was delirious with Covid & thought he was communicating with a ghostly castle which is so funny cmon. And before that they were renting a castle together & she was teasing him while also taking care of him & in a giant castle they still chose to share a room like they’re so cute. It’s my favorite plot we’ve had in so many seasons & I must defend it with my life.

To me it was mean in classic sunny fashion which is VERY very notably different to the way new sunny is mean. It called back to such iconic scenes as “Dee? I swear you would be of more use to me if I skinned you and turned your skin into a lampshade. Or fashioned you into a piece of high-end luggage. I can even add you to my collection” followed by a hilariously horrified expression from Kaitlin Olson.

Dennis rushing at Dee in a deranged attempt to behead her only to pass out & she has to take him to the hospital is great. It’s the above mentioned scene with talk of skin luggage - or Dennis & Dee’s talk of murder & Dee’s confusion and about what the “actual plan” is in “Mac is a serial killer” amped up to 100 to me. It’s “Dennis is a serial killer” jokes done right much like “making Dennis Reynolds: a murderer” & NOT like “The Gang Gets Cursed.” That last one takes the joke way too far by leaving the implication that Dennis might actually be a killer which completely ruins the joke both by explaining it & botching the punchline which should always be that Dennis is a pathetic bitch who WISHES he was a serial killer (side note - other than that, I mostly enjoy “The Gang Gets Cursed” btw).

This became an essay but I wanted to share that extremely good & insightful video without my huge block of text commentary on something extremely specific. However I did want to rant about how much i LOVE the siblings in the castle episode imo that is pure classic sunny dynamics shining through the fog of late seasons overall crappiness lmao I’d actually categorize that specific sub plot as one of my favorites in the whole show which is insane given that it’s from season 15. I just really really love the Reynolds siblings being fucked up but in a funny way that has almost sweet aspects hehe

I also think this is an opportunity for me to discuss WHAT the notable difference is between the “mean” aspect of sunny here & why it works SO much better than the other mostly uncomfortable humor of later seasons. The joke’s punchline is on Dennis - something that’s desperately been needed in the sibling dynamic & the way it’s narratively framed for a LONG fucking time. As discussed in that amazing & super insightful video, new sunny punches down & it’s frankly cringe more often than not. Old Sunny knew who it’s jokes were on & it was always the person just asking for comeuppance by being awful. I’m not saying Dee isn’t awful because that would defeat the purpose of her character but she does suffer from what I call “the Meg Griffin effect.” It also hurts such characters as Britta Perry from Community, Jerry Gergich from Parks & Rec, & Toby Flenderson from The Office. It becomes more uncomfortable & off putting than funny as an audience member after a while to see everyone being consistently awful to one specific character who is not inherently worse than the others but is always the butt of the joke. It’s a trope I will simply never enjoy, personally.

But the castle plot works because it’s certainly deranged & mean (it’s literally not even always sunny if it’s not deranged & dark & mean you might as well give up & watch a different show if you don’t like your dynamics fucked up) but the joke is not -

A. Dennis is a serial killer ooooh edgy! - tired, contrived, Reddit core, unfunny, defeats the point of sunny which is that these guys are all incompetent losers

B. Haha dee is gonna die! She sucks lol! - that is one way to interpret the joke I guess but it’s so clearly actually that Dennis is in a fucking fever infused hallucination about ghosts & dee ultimately has to take his passed out ass the ER because this stupid bitch didn’t get vaccinated

Like it redeems so much or the awful dynamic they’ve built (which they unfortunately double down on anyway later. *cough* the gang goes bowling *cough*) where it’s like…. Isn’t it hilarious that Dennis constantly abuses his sister guys? Haha what if dee literally killed herself lol? Isn’t this so funny aren’t you having fun?

Classic sunny is mean. I’m not trying to say I dislike mean punchlines. But……. Dennis passing out & almost dying Covid IS mean? Dee having to deal with her brother almost beheading her & listening to his deranged conversations with “the castle” IS mean? It’s just that it’s mean in a FUNNY way. Like Charlie getting rejected by the waitress in the musical episode. Like Dee realizing how disgusting her schemes are in “PTSDee” & feeling sickened by herself. Like Frank getting told to fuck himself in his fat fucking ass in the Christmas episode. Or Mac shitting his pants in “Mac Day.” These are all examples of times I’ve found the meanness of sunny funny because it’s about showing what happens when you’re a horrible person who never learns.

Anyway in conclusion I love the Reynolds siblings & the castle plot is the only good part of new sunny goodbye

[happysparklingshadows]

A Certain Hunger (7/?)

Chapter 6 ✿ Chapter 8

Summary: A heartbroken reader is trying to piece her heart back together as best as she can with all the resources she has available. The reader tries to be a good friend as she tries to find meaning in dreams and maybe helps with an abortion. The adult reader is trying to connect with her own ghosts as she tries to get through another brunch.

Pairing: Surviving!Poly! Yellowjackets x reader (slow burn)

Warnings: There is talk of abortion (spoiler: it doesn't happen), another trippy dream sequence, sexual tension, ghost Jackie, heartbroken Reader, Adult Reader lore dropping this chapter, and making Natalie jealous with Lottie is becoming a thing, lol.

Word count: 15.7k

Notes: I hope you guys will forgive me for posting this morning instead of last night. I completely crashed after I got home. This needs another edit, but I hope you enjoy it! Also, please tell me what you think about the outfits at the end of the chapter! We did another Poll to see what will happen after everything with Natalie and this was the outcome!

❀ A03 ❀ wattpad ❀ spotify playlist  ❀

‘96

You groan in frustration at the small nut in your hand, which is rotten and has a small hole made from an animal. You throw the chestnut onto the forest floor with a sigh. “It’ll just make us more constipated,” you think as you focus on whatever small nuts could still be on the ground. You didn’t have much hope to forage like everyone else, as things have been getting harder lately. No luck with the hunter, and the fishing season was leaving as September started. You sigh again as you roll your eyes. 

“Seriously? How the fuck are there no berry.” Mari grumbles as she stands up from a bush. She pulls her leg up and kicks the branches.

 “The birds could be picking them off? Or-or mice?” Akilah tries to reason as she rests her hand to cover her eyes. Everyone was feeling the frustration of hunger. 

You sigh softly and say, “We’re not the only animals out here looking for food.” 

“I’d eat the crap out of a mouse right now,” Van confesses as she sits on a rock for rest. 

“Ew.” “Gross.” 

“You know, some animals live off eating their own vomit.” Lottie adds, trying to get the attention away from her best friend. 

“Okay. Thanks for the image, Lot.” Van sighs back to Lottie, a whisper of a smirk on her lips in humor. 

“Did dead cabin guy tell you that, or do you guys just chat about blood and stuff?” Mari snickered to Lottie as she looked over to the crouching girl. 

“No, we mostly talk about how Danny Mears dumped you for his own cousin,” Lottie said with a mocking smile, sending it to Mari as she stood up and walked away. 

You couldn’t help the chuckle that left your lips. Your eyes followed Lottie as she walked away toward the fork in the trail, leading towards the field area and the thicker parts of the woods. Mari looked at you and then back to Akilah and Van: “Hey! They’re second cousins. And that’s totally legal, you know.” 

You look at Mari with a snicker growing wider on your lips as you say to her in your kind voice, “Stand up, girl. You don’t have to defend your cousin's fucking ex. Danny Mears is fucking weirdo.” 

You couldn’t help but giggle as you followed Lottie onto the path, ignoring Mari, who was trying to defend herself again. You felt Van behind you as you approached Lottie, who quickly turned around in fear. Van said before you could speak, “Hey, look, ignore Mari, okay? I don’t think she has taken a shit in, like, two weeks.”  

You pause as Van speaks to look over Lottie’s face. She had seen something. You felt it in the way her eyes looked burdened. 

“Yeah.” Lottie breathlessly replies. 

“Are you okay?” Van asks Lottie quickly as she looks her over as you did a moment ago. Seeing the same thing you did in Lottie. Lottie looks behind herself for a second, and both of your eyes follow hers to see only empty bushes and leaves. “What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing,” Lottie replies again with a soft smile on her lips. “It’s- it’s fine.” 

Van nods her head softly and looks her over a little. “Okay.” 

Van accepts what Lottie says to her and returns to the others foraging, but you stay planted in your spot. 

You didn’t want to sound crazy, but you couldn’t help but feel the need to say. “It’s okay, you know. I’ve seen and heard crazy stuff out here, too, since we’ve been here. I don’t think you’re crazy.” 

Lottie looks at you with wide eyes for a moment, then looks behind herself again, and says, “I am crazy. I-I don’t understand what I am seeing. These are wrong.” 

You paused as you took in her words, trying to find the right thing to say: “I don’t think you're completely crazy, then. Like the seance thing, I know you can’t speak French. I’ve seen things on my own out here.” 

Lottie’s eyes soften as she slowly lowers her eyes to the ground in a mix of confusion and fear. “Like, what did I even say? I’m not good at French, I don’t even-”

“You spoke it like you lived in Quebec, Lottie. It was scary.” You admit to her without needing to think. You didn’t want to tell her what she said as you didn’t want to think about what she said that night. “That’s why I don’t think you made it up like the others.” 

Lottie looks back up to you quickly as she studies your face. She shakes her head softly and says, “I didn’t fake it. I don’t even remember anything after the fake boob question.” 

You nod and touch her arm for reassurance. “I know. I don’t know if ghosts or spirits exist, but after that, I don’t know if I can say that anymore.” 

“What did you see?” She asks, almost desperate for someone to reassure her and tell her she wasn’t the only one seeing what she saw that night. 

“Well, what I saw wasn’t during the seance.” You spieled off as you looked back at the others, ensuring they were out of earshot. You said, “I saw it that day; I was gone all day. It-It just wasn’t right.” 

Lottie looks at you with an intensity you can’t place. She asks, “What was it?”

“It was this weird-looking tree. It was familiar, but I knew we didn’t have one like that on the trail. It looked like a woman peeking out at me because it curved and stuff.” You try to explain, but you can’t find the right words to convey the horror you felt that day. “I kept walking on the trail, and when I got to the plane, it was like I couldn’t go past it. I felt like I was walking for hours in circles, always coming back to the nose of the plane even though I had passed it moments before. I don’t know if I was asleep, dreaming this all, or something was turning me around for a reason…” You confess to Lottie, who stares at you with wide, concerned eyes, and you let your gaze drop to the ground in embarrassment. You shouldn’t have said anything. “Sorry, I must sound crazy right now.” 

Lottie looks at you deeply and is almost lost in your words, looking at the wrinkle in your eyebrow that has formed since the crash. “I don’t think you're crazy. (Y/n), I don’t think you were just seeing things.” 

“Well, I have to be because there is no such thing as a tree woman.” 

“No, but dreams are said to have meaning to them. My mom always told me that my daydreams were so intense because of my imagination and anxiety.” Lottie explains, her voice growing more passionate as if she is finding a solution to her problems. “But I don’t think it was my imagination. I think it was a vision.” 

You paused in your listening to her for a moment to feel the weight of her words because, for the first time in a while, you believed Lottie’s words weren’t out of mental illness but out of her own perspective truth. You couldn’t help but take in her words as a smile comes to your lips. “Like a psychic medium?” you ask her as you lean toward her with a chuckle. “I would believe it. You always know something before something comes out. Like Rebecca Glassmen.” 

She chuckles as you remind her of the old gossip about Rebecca being pregnant. Lottie says she was faking it to get her boyfriend to stay with her. It turns out to be true after they break up, and her ex-boyfriend tells the whole school how much of a psycho she is. Lottie clocked it as soon as it was whispered at the Lunch table. 

“Yeah, but it’s more than that. When I was 6, my parents took me to the World Trade Center to see where my dad works, and we had a day out in the city. But, on our way back home, we were at this red light, and my parents were talking about something on the radio. I felt this rush through my body. I saw meat and glass and blood everywhere on my mom’s face and my dad’s; I screamed.” Lottie paused as she continued, her eyes glossed over momentarily, and she didn’t seem to notice. You did. “They both looked at me, telling me to shut up, but when I was screaming, the light went green. The car next to us went ahead just as a semi-truck had brakes snap; it was a horrible crash. My mom is convinced I can see things because her mother, I guess, did the same thing. But, um, yeah, the driver of the car survived, but the passenger passed away in the crash, and it’s something not even my dad can explain. My dad doesn’t believe in any of this shit, so he has me go to therapy and take pills to stop them. I wish I had them again.” She says this almost breathlessly, as if she is lost in the present moment but completely focused on your conversation. 

You don’t know if you fully believe in all the psychic talk, but it was interesting. You weren’t completely closed off to the idea of the spiritual realm, but after what happened in the attic, you believe there are things you can’t explain. You tell her, “Well, I don’t think I ever disbelieved in the supernatural. My grandparents' house was scary, and I am sure I had seen something before when I was young. I think you did see something before that car crash, Lottie,” You say to her with a soft nod. She beams underneath this almost gloss in her eyes, and you pause as you carefully place your words together.

“I think that not everything you see has a meaning, but something does have meaning because we place it on them. The cross means nothing to Taissa, but to Laura Lee, it means everything because it means something deeply to her. I do think that sometimes we need to place judgment on them and see if they do connect. I think that maybe what happened to me meant that something within can’t get past the plane crash, like I can’t even get in feet of that thing without having a panic attack, and maybe I can’t move on from it. Like, I’m mentally stuck on the plane. I know that sounds crazy, with us being stuck here, but something within my soul is more disturbed by the crash.”

Lottie nods her head and smiles. Her hand comes to her upper arm as she steps closer to you. You two stand so close together that it makes your heart skip a beat and halt your breath. “I think we should meet in the morning to discuss our dreams. I feel better talking to you. How do you feel?” 

You wouldn’t help as your eyes scanned over her face. You felt her breath on your skin, breath lodged in your throat, and you felt yourself stunted for a moment. You took a moment to get lost in her brown eyes and tan skin. She was so beautiful. You remember how it felt to kiss her, but you couldn’t let yourself feel that way for her. Both of you placed a boundary around your friend to protect it, but at this moment, it felt like both of you were going to risk ruining it.

Lottie just waits for your answer with her eyes looking down at you like you were prey. You felt the electricity in the air between you two as you finally found your words. 

“I feel good. We should.” You breathlessly say to her as you step back against the tree. A cavil memory comes to your mind of when you were pushed against a tree by Natalie. You didn’t want to remember that day. You didn’t want to believe that she didn’t want anything to do with you after everything. But you couldn’t help but lean onto whatever feeling this was as you locked eyes with Lottie. It was something thickening the air around you quickly. You almost felt yourself pull forward to Lottie’s lips by some pressure in the back of your head. 

Lottie’s lips started to move before she could speak, and a snap of a branch ripped the two of you from the moment. Lottie snaps her head behind herself, and you peek over her shoulder to see bottle blonde streaks of hair. 

You felt a red-hot embarrassment come through your body. 

“Hey, uh, I wanted to tell you everyone left- I was just passing through,” Natalie says quickly to Lottie as she looks at her and back to you. You locked your eyes to the ground as a sour pout came to your lips. You couldn’t help but want to cry. 

“Oh- Okay, Nat, me and (y/n) were just talking,” Lottie says with an almost nervous friendliness. 

“Oh, okay,” Natalie says slowly, with a rasp, as she looks at the two of you. Almost a darkness comes over Natalie’s Aura as she looks at the two of you. 

You wanted to sprint away from both of them and cry. You say quickly, “So, anyways, Lottie, let’s do a morning dream circle or something. I’d like that,” as you move yourself off the tree and back to the trail. Your neck clicks as you rush out of your situation. “I’ll talk to you guys later.” 

You literally felt your heart start to pound painfully against your chest as you stormed out of the clearing. You wanted to scream.

Why did Natalie look at you like that? 

Why did Lottie?

What fucking right does Natalie have looking at you like that with Lottie? All you did was talk. All you did was look.  Fuck her. Fuck Travis. Fuck them. Fuck you, Natalie Scatorccio.

You bite your lip in frustration as you look down at the water, praying that something will finally take a bite of food. The river bank was still and smelled of hot milkweed peeking out of the water; the wilderness singing all around you didn’t stop the inner turmoil burning your insides. You couldn’t help but let your mind dwell on Natalie and Travis as they normally did when you were alone. 

What were they doing? Hunting? Kissing? Fucking?

You couldn’t stop the spiral of cruel thoughts. It makes you want to vomit sometimes. It made you resurface every insecurity within yourself and blossom under the burning sun of jealousy and bitterness. She loves a boy, and you're not a boy. It’s that simple. 

You were only for fucking. And Travis was for love and companionship. 

You were just a passing pleasure. 

A simple masturbatory lay. 

She knew you liked her. She knew you were a virgin. She had to know how you felt and knew you would give anything to her if she acted like she liked you the same. She knew you were desperate for a companion. For someone to love you and for you to love them. 

“Natalie sees me the same way she sees Misty.” You miserably thought as you tried not to let the tears form in your eyes. 

Her not talking to you has been getting to you. She would be dismissive towards you, didn’t even look you in the eyes at your morning announcements anymore, and giggled at Travis while you tried to get through your words.

 You couldn’t help but feel little pieces of glass stab into your flesh every time she stole a glance back at him in your presence. Jealousy has been evergreen within your veins since you lost your virginity. 

You knew you shouldn’t be worried about this. Shauna is pregnant, we’re losing food every day, and you miss your family. But Natalie greedily stole all the space in your mind. 

“Hey, you okay?” Van asks from the brush behind you. You didn’t notice her walking towards you with a laundry basket. She only saw your back quivering as you were trying to fish. 

You glanced behind your shoulder at her as you felt your lip quiver. You were going to cry. You try to calm your voice as you squeak, “I’m okay!” 

All efforts to stop her from coming closer were dead in the water as she put down the basket and came to sit beside you. Van quietly looks over at you in concern as she tries to piece together your pain. She gently asks, “Do you wanna talk about it?” 

You felt your lip shake as a tear rolled down your cheek. You tried to steel your face, saying, “I don’t know if I should.” 

Van jooks at you and scans down to your hands holding the old fishing pole. They shook slightly. The pressure of her kind eyes allowed you to vomit out your feelings. 

“I don’t think I am lovable.” You sob out as your face twists into an ugly cry of despair. Your body shakes as you let out your dark thoughts, “I did something stupid, Van, and now I am just feeling so alone because I can’t tell anyone!” 

Van is shocked at your outburst but comforts you with her hands on your shoulders. Your body violently shakes, and you feel sadness come over you. “Hey! Hey! What happened, (y/n)? You can tell me!” 

“I don’t think I can!” You sobbed as you felt as if your eyes wouldn’t stop rivering down your cheeks. You said, “I could be outting someone.” 

Van’s eyes widen for a second, but she quickly says as she grabs your shoulder firmly, “I don’t fucking care, why are you crying?! What happened?” 

You cry as Van’s hands lead you down to their chest, and you feel yourself curl into her arms, crumbling under the comfort. You cry harder as you say into her chest, “I had sex with Natalie.” 

“What?!” Van says, shocked, but as softly as she can manage not to upset you. 

“Me and Natalie, two weeks ago, had sex in the woods when we were alone. She fingered me, and when I tried to reciprocate, she just pushed me away and told me it was all a mistake. She likes Travis-” 

“She told you that just after she fingered you?!”

“Yes! She did. She just told me it was all a mistake. She likes Travis. I knew that when I was doing it.” You sobbed as you pulled away from your embrace with Van. You held a palm to your quivering lips. The weight of your emotions cut out your words. “I don’t know why I did it. I-I knew I wasn’t who she wanted.”

“I’m so sorry, (y/n). I’m so fucking sorry.” Van says as she pets the back of your head. She just watches you as you are crying. She is trying her best to calm you down from your helpless sadness. “Tai and I talked about how Natalie was giving you the cold shoulder, and we didn’t know why. Tai asked Natalie what was up, and Natalie said nothing was up and that the two of them were fine. I never would have thought-”

You sniffle as you shake your head, and your eyes close in pain. You didn’t mean anything to her. 

“I meant nothing to her.” You quietly say as you look away from Van. Looking at her in the eyes would be too vulnerable for you. “I don’t even get a good lie. I just get we’re fine.” You darkly chuckle at the realization. You felt a twist in your core and changed the emotion consuming you. A giggle formed in your throat as you joked, “At least I know it’s not because I’m fat. It’s because I'm gay.” 

“What?” Van asks, bewildered but amused at the mood swings. You turn your head to face her again.

“I know it’s not because I’m fat. I was always worried someone wouldn’t want me because I was too fat.” You laugh as you wipe your nose with your sleeve, cleaning the drips of snot. “It’s because I’m a dyke, and she’s straight!” 

Van chuckles softly at your words, but your laughing amuses her. She rubs your back as your laughs slowly morph into cries again. Your hand comes over your face to hide it. You felt much more sadness than Natalie rejecting you, but you couldn’t help but focus only on this nasty feeling.

“I don’t know. I’m hurt because I don’t think Natalie is my friend anymore.” You wept into your hand, feeling yourself shake as you finally released the words into the air. “S-she wants nothing to do with me!” 

Van pulls you into another hug as she rubs your arm. She brings you so close you are almost in her lap as she says, “Fuck that. Nat used you and acted like it was your fault. If she doesn’t want to be your friend, then that is on her and not you. You didn’t do anything wrong.” 

You paused as you let Van comfort you in this moment. You looked at her and asked, “I don’t understand. I don’t get why she wants nothing to do with me now.” 

“Because she knows she fucked up. Fuck her. I don’t want to leave you now. I’m so sorry. Seriously, I am going to sit here with you all day.” 

You try to pull away from her hold, but she keeps you in her grip. “You don’t have to.” 

“No, I will.” Van says with a stern lip, “I’m not going to leave you today. You don’t deserve that shit from that fucking burnout. It’s wild.” 

You let yourself breathe and calm down as you nudge Van with your shoulder, a smile softly coming to your tear-stained face. You didn’t have any fight in your body anymore. “Okay. Is it okay if we just sit here and look at the water for a while? I can teach you to fish.” 

Van nods and softly smiles, “Yeah-yeah, whatever you want.”

‘21 

You rub your ring finger with your thumb as you nurse your cigarette. You sat relaxed on the small kitchen table of Natalie’s hotel room as you looked out the window to the parking lot, waiting for Shauna to finally show up. 

You knew she was going to be mad at you. She doesn’t even know you’re still in contact with the others. You didn’t know that she kept their numbers. You and her always had some secrets from each other, but Shauna was one to hold a grudge. You normally forgive her misgivings without thought, but she will hound you for weeks about even the smallest withholding of information. 

You felt the chair beside you move as someone pulled it out to sit next to you. You slowly glanced at the woman next to you and looked back out the window. 

“What have you been up to? I heard about that, uh, ‘Blood Oath’?” Taissa asks as she looks over you with a softness in her eyes. 

You softly smile at the words and shake your head as you ash the fresh cigarette. “Yeah, you hear about it.”

“I mean there isn’t a lot of lesbian media out there.” 

You look over at Taissa and say, “Yeah, I’ve written a few lesbian romance troilys. I have Blood Oath and Mushroom Circle about a fairy, and I am currently writing Three Wishes about a jinn. I am finally using my history minor and going on a press circuit. I have a whole panel to go to in a few days.” 

“How has that worked out for you?” Taissa says as she pulls out a cigarette from your box. Something was comfortable with the women you were with, but you didn’t know how you felt about Taissa coming closer. 

“It’s worked out good. I got my dream job, and it keeps the lights on. I think I might be taking a break after this.” 

“Why?” 

“I’m getting old. I’m losing steam over romance altogether. I’m thinking about finally dipping into sci-fi.” 

“I mean, it’s about time. How many times have you read Dune?” She jokes softly as she lights her cigarette. You look at the woman, let your eyes study her, and take her all in. You don’t feel anything negative when she mentions the book you brought to the wilderness. You read it repeatedly, let the others burrow the behemoth, and still found yourself reading it when you were deathly bored. It had something new every time you read. You remember the second spring and summer out there, conversing about the book in an almost book club. It felt light and nostalgic. It was odd, but you didn’t let yourself stop.

“Yeah, I was thinking the same. It could be me correcting all the male centric bullshit.” 

“Make it lesbain somehow?” Taissa jokes with a snicker, her nose crinkled playfully, as she puffs from the cigarette. 

You roll your head back with a cackle. “You better know it.” 

You notice Natalie pacing by the bathroom, but you ignore it. Your attention was off of Taissa, which felt very familiar. These women with you in a closed-in space were something your body seemed to remember as your heart beat faster in your chest. You noticed your fingers didn’t stop rubbing on the other. It was a tick you’ve grown to have over the years, and you looked down on it. 

Taissa looks at your hand, then stares down at your ring finger. You felt the hairs on the back of your neck raised as you realised this is the first time she has seen you without your old engagement ring. 

“If you're going to ask about it, just go for it.” You sigh as you ash your cigarette in a vodka bottle cap. 

“Um,” Taissa looks almost longingly at the table and back at you and asks, “How are you and Van?”

You take a long drag on your cigarette. “We didn’t end up getting married. Van’s mom got sick, and my dad got dementia, and we- yeah.” You sigh. And you felt something sharp come over you as your eyes slice to Taissa’s, and you ask, “How’s Simone?” 

Knock! Knock! 

 A polite knock against the hotel door saves you from hearing more from Taissa. You didn’t want to get any closer to Taissa. She scared you and was a coward when you needed her most. You were too grown to be getting closer to her again and having another toxic cycle begin. Luckily, you have learned how to shoo away politely as possible while letting someone know you weren’t happy with them. Natalie rushed to the door but paused as she held the door handle and slowly opened it to look at Shauna for the first time in almost a decade. 

You stood up as you looked out the window to see Shauna awkwardly standing in front of the door, looking behind herself, paranoid. You took your last puff to ready yourself for whatever was to come. 

Natalie opens the door wider for Shauna to come in. Tension is thick in the air as the two women lock eyes. You look on at them and smile at Shauna as Natalie paces to the other side of the room and towards the bed. 

Shauna looks at you sharply as if to tell you to stand near her, and you find yourself coming closer. With the tension in the air, you can tell there was something more than terror and memories; it was jealousy. 

“You look like shit.” Natalie chuckles, sarcastically,  as she looks on at Shauna.

“Uh, well, back at you.” Shauna retorts with a pinched smile. 

“How’s Jeff?” Natalie whispered in a hiss to Shauna. It was goading and mocking. You knew what she was mentioning, and you couldn’t help yourself as you grabbed Shauna’s forearm gently. “Is he still hocking futons?” 

“Okay, no, no!” Taissa says as she leans against the counters with her cigarette in hand. “We’re not doing this, okay? Not after all the shit we’ve gone through. Now, we’re in a situation here. We’re gonna deal with it.” She paused as she looked at Natalie, then back to Shauna, and then back again to let the air settle. “Together.” 

You rub Shauna’s arm, comforting her, saying, “It’s bigger than our feelings right now.” 

“Okay, fine. What’s- what’s going on?” Shauna asked, exacerbated. 

Natalie walks gently to the table where Travis's crime scene photos are. You still can’t make yourself look at them without feeling a rumbling of fear inside you, still marked with the symbol. Shauna looks over and leans forward to look closer, her eyebrow crinkled with caution. “Is that Travis?” 

Natalie's eyes looked haunted for a moment, water lining them. You wanted to cry when you felt yourself nod, “Yeah, Shauna. It’s Trav.” 

Shauna sits down and looks closer. Natalie says as Shauna looks closer, “Someone stung him up and then tried to cover their tracks.” 

Taissa adds, puffing her cigarette, “We think it’s the same person who’s blackmailing us.” 

Shauna’s head snapped up in confusion and worry. “What? Blackmail?”

Taissa and Natalie share a look, and then Natalie looks back at you. Neither of you got a text about it. “But you didn’t… get one of these?” as she leans back to the bed to pull out a postcard. 

Shauna is completely bewildered as she looks at the postcard. She leans forward, says, “What?” and investigates the rest of the card. She pauses with almost anger in her eyes when she sees the symbol. “No. What do they want?” 

Natalie rolls an eye of frustration, and Taissa says before Natalie can speak, “50 grand in cash to keep their mouths shut. We’re not sure exactly what they know, but we don’t want to find out.” 

“You all got one?” Shauna asks, and she looks over to you. You feel a lot of pressure on you now, and you quickly blurt, “No. I didn’t get one. Misty did, though.” 

“I mean, it’s got to be someone from the team, right? I mean, who else would know about this?”

“That reporter, " Natalie said with a smug smirk. She felt like she knew exactly who had done this. 

“Wait, wait. I thought I told you to take care of her,” Shauna says to Taissa, which raises an eyebrow. She was also talking to the team members behind your back. 

“I threatened a lawsuit. I told her to back off.” Taissa, crossed her arms, defended. 

“Fuck this.” Natalie snaps as she grabs her phone. 

“What are you doing?” Taissa asks. In this moment, you feel yourself rubbing Shauna’s shoulder for your own comfort and her own; she feels less tense as the girls talk. 

“I’m gonna bring Jessica Roberts- great fake name, by the way- to us. And I’ll just say, 'I’m ready to tell my story.'” Natalie says as she starts to form a text with her thumb. 

“No, because if it’s not her, then we are handing her the exact kind of story she is looking for,” Shauna says with a wave of the hand over the crime photos. 

“Shauna’s right.” You mumble as you try not to panic. You knew in your heart that Jessica was out of anyone, but you didn’t like the logic of going to her now. 

“Yeah, Shauna’s right, Nat. Please.” Taissa agreed as she looked at Natalie worriedly and shook her head. She was rightfully worried as Natalie didn’t stop sending texts to Jessica. “Please, just put the phone down. Stop it. Stop it!” Tassia stressed as her eyes started to widen. 

“Natalie!” Shauna calls out to have Natalie stop. 

“Please, Nat, stop it. Please, don’t talk to her!” You worry and come closer to Natalie, making Natalie look up at you, annoyed. 

“Fucking put the phone down!” Taissa hissed at Natalie, who was slowly putting down the phone. 

Natalie tilted her head to Taissa and said, “You know I don’t like it when you yell at me.” She dramatically puts the phone down. 

“Can you get the money?” Shauna asks Taissa. You bristle a little at the question but don’t want to make it a big deal. 

“I’m working on it.” 

“Once you do, we put a GPS tracker in the cash, and that way, we can follow it, and see who, what we’re- we’re dealing with.’ Shauna says, planning out what the mission will be. It felt familiar and quiet; you didn’t know how you placed yourself. “Together,” Shauna added as she looked on at Natalie. 

Natalie smiles at Shauna; a little bit of the hatchet was buried, as they agree with the plan. 

“I cannot believe I’m about to say this, but should we loop Misty in?” Shauna asks the group, and you feel yourself lean forward on this. You add, “Yeah, I think we should. She could track down the sender of the text from a pin or something, and she could-” 

“No. She could be part of it.” Taissa shook her head, and you couldn’t help but scoff at the idea. 

“That’s a little far-fetched.” You say to Taissa with a smile, “She would lie about something to make us closer to her, but blackmail us. That is too far for even Misty.” 

“Well, she did take me to see Travis, but first, she fucked with my car.” Natalie paused to inform the other two about your trip together. You felt yourself doubting Misty at that moment because it was all odd. “Still, she’s been helping me to figure this all out.” 

“Oh, yeah, ‘cause, naturally,” Shauna says as she waves her hand, dry and sarcastic. “Is there anything else I should know about, or does the blackmail, Travis maybe being murdered, and this one playing buddy cop with Misty Quigley just about cover it?” 

Natalie sniffed in response. 

You sigh and nod as you rub Shauna’s shoulder again. “Yeah, that about does it.” 

You feel yourself relax on the sand as your eyes open to an open lake view. It was beautiful. The water simmered in the lake like glitter in the air, making you want to walk into it. A summer breeze gently caresses your face as you gaze at how the sun sets on the horizon's edge. It was pure and something made by loving hands, as Laura Lee once said. 

There was someone familiar in the water. Your mother looked at the sun and turned around, the rays of light highlighting the baby hairs that stood atop her head. “Peanut, come into the water! It’s heaven!” Your mother says to you with a giggle in her throat. She was healthy. She looked just how she did in your childhood before her illness. Before, she let her hair go grey. Before, she went bald. She made the scene beautiful. 

A lightness spreads all around your body. You feel warmth you haven’t felt in months. Your mom is here, and she is healthy and young. 

You call out happily, “I’m coming! I’ve been waiting for you!” 

You stand up and feel almost nothing around you, not even the sand or your clothes, as you yourself strip down to your underwear to swim. 

You walk towards the water, carefree and almost relieved to see her.

Absentmindedly, you glance down at your feet in habit only to find coldness touching your feet. It wasn’t water of a hot summer day. It was frost.

You take a second to look at the snow that fell onto your foot as you walked forward; your toes have the white fluff in between, and you notice how cold you are. You look up to see not only your mother gone but you're no longer at the lake. You're on the snow-covered cliffside. 

You hesitated as you slowed your movements. It was your feet in snow. You were in your underwear. Long hairs your legs and even from your feet stood up. As you looked down at the dirty toes of your body as something change in the air. 

The stillness of everything wasn’t right. It’s not winter yet. The wilderness is never this quiet.

You panic silently as you start to look up. It was all tall birch trees with autumn leaves still attached at the tops. Red and violent oranges stared down at you.

You look back down to a pond or a river. It wasn’t clear, as most of your legs were now submerged in it. It was all red. It made you shiver when the water brushed against your thighs. 

Laisse l'obscurité te libérer. 

You heard something from within the water. You didn’t like this, and you didn’t want this. The coldness of the water stabs into your fleshy thighs.

The water was corrupted—something rotten like the smell of eggs and iron. You felt yourself walk across this water bank, fearing something might grab at your legs. 

‘It’s blood.’ you say out loud, as you try lto leave the tainted water. It was death. It was something dark. 

“No, no, no. Mom!” You called out in a panic. Did she fall in? Is it red because she is hurt? No, the whole body of water is red; it was like a vein of the forest.

You felt your lips quiver as you struggled out of the water towards the shore, you trip on your foot in the sand and fall into the water until your knees touched the bottom. “MOMMY!” You sobbed out as you tried to look around as you felt yourself not finding your footing. 

Splash! Splash!! 

You hear splashing in the water before you feel your nose fill with the thick pond water. It tasted as it smelt: “AH!” You yelped when you found air. You tried to move away from the force that pulled you under, only to find yourself being pulled down deeper. 

Your thrash and kick, flailing your arms, as you open your eyes to the metallic sting. Darkness tugged on your leg, wrapped around like a tentacle of some Greek myth, and you can’t help but panic.

You were drowning, but there was no pain. There was no sting of water in your throat. 

Waving your desperate arms to the sky, only to see the disgusting water above. Praying a hand will come and save you.

Splash!

As you fight with the darkness below, an another body is thrown into the water. As you stared at the body, it was thin, and you couldn’t make out anything to identify the girl whose lifeless body floated down like a rock.

You struggle as the exhaustion comes to your legs, the being tightens its grip.

It doesn’t stop pulling, but you stopped swimming.  

You feared what was at the bottom and who had just fallen into the water. But it was peaceful when you stared up at the stain translucent water. It was enough for you to feel at ease. 

You close your eyes.

‘96 

You gasped awake in a panic, a hand resting on your frantic heart. Your body shook as you looked around the dusty, dank attic, and Shauna was lying beside you now, stirring at your noise. 

You felt tears fall out of your eyes without you realizing you were tearing up as you try to push air into your body, you were awake. It was just a horrible dream. 

Shauna stirred in her sleep and slowly opened her eyes, a frown on her lips. “Are you okay?” she yawns. 

You pant as you nod your head. “Yeah, horrible nightmare. I’m fine, go back to bed.” 

Creak!

There are the sounds of someone softly stepping up the ladder to the attic, and a pair of shoes are gently placed on the floor. You see Taissa’s head pointing out from the hatch. She almost widens her eyes when she notices both of you awake. 

“Hey. where have you been?” 

“I had to pee,” Taissa quickly says as she looks to the floor. She goes to her sleeping bag and asks, “What are you two doing up?”

“Bad dream,” Shauna says before you can, stretching her arms on her side of the makeshift bed. You look to Taissa as you try to fix your hair in your grogginess. 

“What was it this time? A Cheeseburger-baby?” Taissa chuckled as she stood still at the foot of your bags. You giggle as you try to braid your hair back to where it was before falling asleep. 

Shauna laughs, “I should have never told you about that.” She looks down to the ground, and worry seems to pass through her. “What am I going to do?”

Taissa’s eyes soften as she slowly lowers herself to the floor to look Shauna in the eyes. You tie the end of your braid to get closer. “What do you mean?” you ask softly, as your eyebrow crinkles in worry for her. 

“I heard that Katie Lindstrom did with the underwire of her bra last year,” Shauna states as she looks at you. She was serious. You just look on at her with wide, concerned eyes. “Shauna, that was a rumor-”

“Have you lost your mind? You’ll die.” Taissa adds with a grave undertone. 

Shauna’s lip quiver as she whispers back, “I’ll probably die either way. I’m in the middle of nowhere, and the Ob-gyn on call is Misty fucking Quigley!” she took a breath as she looked away with eyes in her eyes. You wanted to sob at the way she spoke, and you wanted to vomit at the idea you were going to lose your best friend. You grab her arm and rub it to comfort her as a tear rolls down your cheek, looking down to Shauna’s lap, as she continued her rant, “At least this way I won’t die having my best friends-” she cuts herself off. 

You paused as you slowly looked up at Shauna’s face, your eyes widening as you turned to look at Taissa. You couldn’t speak, think, or move. The information was just not expected. 

Shauna hates Jeff. She doesn’t like him and cheers whenever Jackie and him break up… You couldn't help but look back at everything that happened in your friendship and see the truth. Shauna was sleeping with Jeff, not the whole time, but at least since her hatred for him formed. 

“What… what were you about to say?” Taissa asks Shauna with wide eyes, and she also takes in the bombshell and you. 

For a moment, only the summer crickets' song could be heard. You looked on at Shauna in disbelief. You couldn’t believe she would betray Jackie, but you couldn’t help but be hurt that she didn’t confide that in you once. “Shauna?” Taissa asks again, more momentous. 

“At least this way I won’t die having my best friend’s boyfriend’s baby.” She whispers with a stammer in it from her emotions. She is crying now as she finally looks at you; she feels judged and disgusting. You rub your hand softly. You ask, in disbelief, “It’s Jeffs?” 

Shauna doesn’t say anything as her teary eyes burn into yours, almost begging you for forgiveness, like you were Jackie. You couldn’t help the betrayal that painted your face as tears welled in your eyes, overwhelmed with the truth. She was telling the stone-cold truth. You were starting to accept the facts, but it hurt you to think about what Jackie would say. 

“Whoa.” Taissa sighed as she felt what everyone was feeling. “Okay. I mean… Wow. Yeah.” She processed as she has Shauna looking at her, “But still, Shauna, it’s not worth dying to keep Jackie from finding out.” 

“It’s not Shauna.” You agreed as you sniffled a little bit. You were overwelemingly sad, and your dream didn’t help you prepare for the heaviness of the situation. “Jackie doesn’t have to find out.” As you grab her arm, you quickly say, “We must lie to her. We can’t let this get out. It-it.” You try to find an easy lie as fast as you can. “It was Randy! Randy marsh and you fucked at the party and I saw it! It’s okay! Please, we don’t have to do that, Shauna.” 

“I have a plan, alright?” Taissa cut in, “To head south and find help. So just wait.” 

You nodded at Taissa’s words. We all needed to leave, and the group needed to start being more aggressive with our approach to leaving. You turned your head to Shauna, came closer, and rubbed her back as lovingly as possible. You were angry with her, but she was deeply regretful in a dire situation; you loved her more than any other feeling. “Yeah, please just wait.” 

“Please, promise me not to do anything stupid,” Taissa begs as she puts a hand on Shauna’s knee. You kiss Shauna’s temple, rub her back, and Taissa moves to lie down on her bed. 

Shauna was silent as her eyes dried, her tear-stained face plagued by heavy thoughts. She doesn’t respond to your affection but doesn’t push you away when you lightly push her to bed. You cuddle beside her and plead, “Shauna, I will be here no matter what. I love you. Please, we need to find our way out, and I will go with you to get an abortion at a clinic with professionals.”

Shauna nods her head with empty eyes. “Okay.” She weakly says as she turns away from you so you can cuddle her back. You feel her shaking as she starts to cry into her pillow. She cries softly, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” 

You quietly rub her back and look at the back of her brunette hair. You feel a shy tear fall off the side of your eye and into your ear. “It’s okay. It doesn’t matter anymore. What matters is you surviving this. Fuck everything else.”

Shauna just cries as you softly pet her hair and hold her shivering body. Taissa looks over at the two of you from her bed, concerned, and turns to keep an eye on them. 

You wake up in the early morning hours with an ache in your body, and your neck is stiff as always. You feel dark circles under your eyes as you rub your eyes to wake up fully. You sit up and look around the room to see Taissa and Shauna still resting. You felt pressure on your blader as you sat up in your blankets and didn’t bother to mess with your undone hair. 

You yawn into your hand as you quietly creep to the ladder and descend. You saw the girls sleeping on the floor, but empty beds were lying about like they were going to where you were going now. You don’t think much about this morning as you peacefully walked out of the cabin and onto your trail to the pooping corner. 

As you finished your business, Lottie walked by with a wide-eyed look of excitement: “(y/n)! You’re up!” 

You zip your pants and chuckle, “Yeah, I’m up. I had a fucking crazy dream.” 

Lottie stands next to you from the other side of the bushes. “I did, too. I asked Van to come with us because her dreams have been off, too, if that's okay.” 

You smile and nod, “Oh, yeah, that's fine. I love Van.” 

Lottie almost dropped her cheerful smile as she furrowed her eyebrow a bit. She quickly smiled again and nodded her head. “Yeah, she’s great. She’s been my best friend since diapers.” 

You nod your head as you try to explain the swing of expressions she made, you walk beside her and say, “Van’s always been nice to me, but since we’ve been here she has been such a good friend to me.” you look down to your feet and back to Lottie,

Lottie nods her head with a pinched lip. She looks away for a moment and then smiles back at you. “She’s a good friend. I’m happy you two have gotten close.” 

You look at the side of Lottie’s face, not knowing where her cheeriness went as you say, “Dreams last night?” 

Lottie looks back at you in surprise. You were looking at her, thinking, and she says, “Yeah, I had some weird ones last night.”

You return to the cabin to find Van and Laura Lee standing around the fire. Lottie nods over to them with a smile and cuts off your conversation to sit in a circle. Van is placing logs, while Laura Lee is placing kindling in the places between. 

You sit down and feel yourself hug the blanket closer in the crisp morning breeze. The others slowly sat beside you in the circling trunks surrounding the main fireplace. Lottie cleared her throat, saying, “Alright, let's start this thing. I had a dream about a talking squirrel, “ She blurts out with a giggle. Laura chuckles as well as Van, “It was saying something about breathing in life and that if I just go with the flow, I would be fine.” She confesses with another chuckle. 

You narrow your eyes as you snort, “That’s it? Anything else?” 

“Do you have anything better?” Van snarks with a chuckle. She looks over at you with a joking look. 

“A little.” You smile at her as you look down at your feet and put them closer to the small fire. “I had a dream about my mom at the lake. I, like, went to the water, and it then became winter. Snow everywhere and shit, in my toes. I saw this lake of blood.” 

“Exodus 7:14.” Laura Lee mumbles beside you; you turn your head to her with confusion. 

“What?” 

“A river of blood is in Exodus 7:14, part of the ten plagues God sent upon Egypt to convince Pharaoh to release the Israelites from slavery.” She says to you, her legs crossed and her hands clasped in her lap. She is trying her best to be here as a spiritual guide, and you are not uncomfortable with her religious lectures. 

“Did it have a meaning behind it? Like, was it a metaphor for something?” You ask her as you rub your hands on your thighs, “I don’t know. It was kinda scary.” 

“It was retribution for the drowning of the newborn Hebrew boys in the Nile. It took all the water to drink and to water their food.” 

You nodded your head as you rocked gently in your seat. “Well, I saw the lake, and somehow, I am inside the lake. I am standing on the shallow end, and it just smells horrible. I got scared thinking my mom fell in, so I looked for her, and then I was pulled in. I woke up as I was being pulled down.” 

The three look on at you with some concern, but Van says, “That was a crazy nightmare. If this is to put meaning on dreams or whatever, I think your dream was about you worrying over your mom.” 

Lottie nods and says, “Yeah, I think you were thinking about your mom last night before bed, and you felt all those feelings. I’ve had a few nightmares about my parents since I’ve been here.” 

As she plays with the cross on her necklace, Laura Lee says, “I think we should pray together. I’ve kept your mother in my prayers, (Y/n). How about we do one together?” 

You felt your heart punch when you were touched by the idea that Laura Lee had been praying for your mom since she got sick. When she told her she would keep her in her prayers the first time, Van and Lottie looked uncomfortable, but you didn’t stop yourself when you said, “You know what, Laura, sure. I think that would make me feel better.” 

Laura Lee beams as she grabs your hand in her thin pale one; she grabs the hesitie Van’s. She looks at Lottie and slowly grabs Van’s, then yours. You look on at Laura and Lottie, bowing their heads and closing their eyes. You look at Van doing the same as you, looking at the other, trying not to laugh and being sincere at this moment. 

“Dear heavenly father, Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us; And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. We ask you to look over Mrs. (L/n) and (Y/n) (L/n) in this time of uncertainty and to have mercy on the health of Mrs. (L/n). Amen.”

’21

You sit across from Mr. Taylor as you try to fix your skirt, desperate for a good brunch. You look back up and say, “So, yeah, my sales have been very good this last quarter because my next book-”

“The Three Wishes thing.” Mr. Taylor asks as he sips on his coffee. He is trying to be interested in your life. 

“Yeah, and-” 

“What were the sales? Number wise for books?” He asked you before you could speak. You felt 15 again in his kitchen. Shauna looks on at you with a wary expression as you are cut off, but there is a small shimmer in her eye that you know but never said. Envy. 

“About 100,000 copies, especially because there is this app that younger people like called TikTok, which has gotten much attention for my work. So, if we’re talking about my other books included, it would be about 400,000 copies of them together. It’s getting decent, but when the whole Twilight thing was happening, I had a peak of 1,500,000 copies.” 

“You haven’t gotten a movie deal yet? It sounds like you are doing amazing.” He says with a smile growing on his lips and somewhat pride in the little girl he has known for 35 years. You smile back at the praise and nod. 

“I haven’t had any deals in the talks, but some are whispering about the rights going to Netflix or Hulu to adaptation because romance is becoming a big genre for teens again.” 

“Ta-da!” Mrs. Taylor says with a smile as she presents her dish. Tuna Quiche. 

“Oh, wow,” Shauna says with a nod as she looks at the food with a painfully fake positivity. Jeff smiles, and Mr. Taylor smiles as Mrs. Taylor places the dish in the center of the dining table. 

You fake a big smile and say, “Thank you, Ms. Taylor. This looks delicious.” 

“I know it’s silly to do this each year,” Mrs. Taylor says with a distant look as she turns to the side table where Jackie’s cake and two presents stood. She lifts the two small box presents wrapped with a blue and a yellow ribbon. “It’s not a real birthday without presents.”

The older woman hands you and Shauna the two boxes that are presented. Shauna is trying to be okay as you beam up to her. 

“Thank you, Mrs. Taylor, " you say as you gently pull the ribbon, and Shauna unwraps the small box. You already know what it is, and you want to cry. 

“Oh, god, look how cute!” You pull out a small porcelain bunny. The brown rabbit is anthropomorphic and dressed in a purple dress and a white parasol. She looks to be dancing like a southern belle with a winked eye. 

“Oh,” Shauna sighs as she tries to smile. She pulls out a mother rabbit with babies hanging from her white skirts. It was cute, but it was heartbreaking. 

“Oh, yup.” Jeff nodded as he leaned in, “It’s- she’s got little babies. That is nice. That’s very nice. It’s very pretty.”

“It’s- it’s lovely.” Shauna agreed with a forced smile. 

You put yours before your plate as if you were happily claiming it. “You even remembered our colors. Right, Shauna, You’re blue, and I’m purple, and Jackie was pink.” 

Shauna nodded her head with the same smile. You smiled as you looked at the disappointed Mrs. Taylor. She nodded lightly and said, “Jackie just adored rabbits.”

You just nod as you see Shauna pursing her lip at Ms. Taylor’s comment. It was a mismermory of Jackie. 

Mr. Taylor says as he grabs the pie knife, “Dig in before it gets cold.”

“Great.” “Deal!” 

You smiled as Mr. Taylor placed a large slice of the quiche onto your plate. You looked over to your side for a piece of toast. You weren’t excited to taste this. You could die without eating fish again. 

“Yum! Where did you get this recipe?” You say as you politely eat at her table, remembering how she corrected you in childhood when you slept over. But you know why she needs you here, why you play like you were her child for this hour. “I would never have thought to put tuna in a quiche.” 

Mrs. Taylor beams at your compliment and nods, “I got it from Paula Deen! I just love her, and I wish people didn’t judge her so much.” 

You felt Shauna kick your leg as you professionally held in a cackle. You lick your lips as you grab your mimosa. “I agree. I mean, what are we comparing her to? The KKK?” You lie through your teeth to appease the racist old woman you can’t stomach upsetting. 

“It’s Jackie’s birthday. Just breathe and lie. Just get through this, " you thought as you let Mrs. and Mr. Taylor ramble about how wrongfully she was canceled for her remarks. You wanted to peel your skin, but you bit your tongue. They have always been this way, but at least they were polite. 

There was a lull for a moment as Mrs. Taylor looked on at Shauna, a mix of longing and bitterness. 

“You two have an anniversary coming up, don’t you?” She asked as she looked at the couple pointedly. You glance up to Mr. Taylor, who has his gaze on his plate. You drank the rest of your mimosa. 

“Yup. Yeah, pretty soon.” Jeff answered with a smile. He was in good spirits despite the tension building. 

“Jackie would’ve been so happy for you.” She says in a wispy way, you knew that her Valium was kicking in as as then blinks, “I truly believe that. She was generous that way. And always worried about you finding someone, Shauna. And you too, (y/n).” She added, sending you a small smile at the end. You didn’t know how to take any of the tension as you didn’t in previous years. An ongoing feud only on one side out of grief. You knew Shauna enough to know why she still comes; you come for similar reasons. “Sliver linings, I suppose.” 

“I think Jackie would be happy with my New York lifestyle.” 

“She would be so impressed with how slim you got. You look just like your mother when you were young. You dress up like those girls on Girls. It made me think if you two went to Rutgers.” Mrs. Taylor compliments and aims through your heart like an arrow—one about your mother, another about Jackie, and a comment on your body. Triple digits in one go.  

You smile as you take a bite of your quiche. “Oh yeah, I like to think me and her, and Shauna would go the clubs I got to go to. I went to one with pink lighting and flowers on the wall, and my first thought was, 'Jackie, would love this!’” You thoughtfully replied, as you wanted to bite through the tip of your tongue. 

Mrs. Taylor almost ignores you as her head sways back to Shauna. “You two are a-a better match. You're both the type to be content. You don’t want more than, well,” she stops, continuing now, hearing the anger in her words. You look down as you nibble on your croissant. You glance up to see Jeff looking at you in shock. “What you have?” 

“Um—” Shauna starts, almost instinctively standing up for herself, but she is too shy to continue. 

“Oh, I didn’t mean that in a bad way. No, I mean… It’s nonsense all this talk about having it all. The fact is that you can’t be remarkable and raise a family.” 

“And you’re the mother of such a special little child.” Mr. Taylor added to lighten the mood a little bit. 

“I don’t even like my own daughter.” Shauna retorts with a dryness that matched the food. 

Jeff and you hold back giggles as she says that to say professional in this brunch. 

“I don't,” Shauna says again as she looks at you. You knew it was a lie but also not dishonest. You couldn’t help but agree that you disliked Callie's behavior but thought it was too far. Jeff chuckles and shakes his head, thinking it was all a joke, “It’s an inside joke. She’s kidding.” 

BRINNG! BRINNG! BRINNG! 

You widened your eyes as your phone rang in your purse. You quickly turned to the bag hanging on your chair and picked out your phone—it was your publisher. 

“I’m so sorry, I have to take this business call. I will be right back, " you say as you take the purse strap on your shoulder and stand up. You smile to Mrs. Taylor. “Delicious food. I’m excited for cake.” 

You leave the dining room quickly as you answer the call outside on their back patio. You sit down on their pool chair, stare off at the flowers in their garden, and pull out a cigarette, resting it on your lower lip. 

“What is it, Anderson? What's the good news?” 

“We’re underestimating the excitement for the third book. Marketing and Production have called me saying they are seeing the number rise and will print about 100,000 more books.” 

You nearly choked as you lit the end of the cigarette. As Anderson spoke, you said, “What?! What happened?” 

“Well, there was this TikTok edit for your Vampire Annette, and now we are finally starting talks about a movie deal!” The young man beams into the phone and rambles on, “And, that gives you that needed break, lady.” 

You are stunned as you just blink and look at the green weeds. You were lost for words. This was amazing news. You took a drag of the stick and say, “Holy shit.”

“Yeah, Holy shit! You’re going to see a lot of attention soon. I just had to tell you. We will be in touch soon.” Anderson says cheerfully, as he hangs up on you. 

You felt yourself still for a moment and held your phone up to your ear still as you smoked away. You didn’t feel happy. You didn’t feel anything for some reason. This brunch has taken out most of your energy for anything else. 

“You should be happy, you know, not everyone can make a living off of porn.” A girlish giggle says beside you. You felt your lip quiver as you realized why there was a numbness inside of you: it was because this was going to happen. You turn your head to see Jackie in her orange ruffled bikini from her 15th birthday party, a pool party. She looked so small and childish as she smirked, “You know, if I knew you like vampires so much, I would have watched Nosferatu with you finally after your years of begging and begging.” 

In middle school, you three had a movie phase and would watch whatever the other said when you slept over. You pick Nosferatu, but Shauna and Jackie rejected the idea because it was too old, so you all watched Jackie’s pick of It Happened One Night. 

You look on at her as you puff your cigarette, a small smile creeps on your lips as it quivers. “You would have hated it.”

“I would have. But we would have been together.” She says with a cheerful smile, it was like a memory of a memory playing out in front of you. You felt 15 again under her gaze. 

You had to physically stop yourself from letting yourself cry at those words. You quiver, “I would have, too.” 

“If only you said something. None of this would have happened.” She says with a twist in her smirk becoming dark. You wanted to scream with guilt at those words. 

You look to your feet as you ash the cigarette and look back up to see the phantom gone from the pairing patio chair. A stinging feeling comes over you that you can’t shake as you slowly look up to the sky. You let yourself cry, smoking the cigarette as if it would clear the stress. 

“Jackie should’ve been here.” You think as you shakily take a breath in. Your grief, guilt, and nostalgia lock you in place for a moment. 

‘96

Shauna and you crouch down at a Rabbit trap as Jackie says, “I never thought I’d be desperate enough to want to eat a rabbit.” 

Shauna sighed as she stood up with nothing. You don’t say anything to Jackie out of exhaustion with the day already. Jackie continues, “Oh, well… I mean, what even is a rabbit? A squirrel with floopy ears and a pom-pom on its ass? Like why? What even is that?” 

“It’s a rabbit. What’s this question?” Shauna says warily as she walks forward. She seems as exhausted as you as you walked beside her for support.  You stop with them as Jackie moans displeasure at the leaves nibbled on by the clever rabbits that missed the traps. 

“I’d sell my firstborn for a cheesesteak right now.” Jackie moans to the two of you. 

“Can we stop talking about food?” Shauna quickly says as she rests her fists on her hips. You could feel the silent tension of knowing something Jackie didn’t grow inside you. The firstborn comment made you feel like you were walking on eggshells. 

“I think I miss Cheesesteak more than I miss Jeff,” Jackie blurted out. Looking at Shauna, you both chuckled at her statement as she continued, “Is that even possible?”

Jackie sighed as she looked away at the trees and crossed her arms. “No, I miss Jeff more. Fuck. I miss his smell and…” Jackie rants as Shauna walks away. You felt the hairs on your neck standing up when you remembered hiding everything from Jackie. She didn’t do anything wrong. You stand there at full attention to Jackie’s words to not let her notice how Shauna looked hurt, “the way he rubbed his wrist with his thumb when we were holding hands, and I even miss his stupid Ace Vantura impressions.” 

You rub Jackie’s arm with comforting eyes. “I’m sorry, Jackie. I know you must miss him, " you say as Jackie starts to follow Shauna down the trail. Jackie smiles back to you, understanding and loving the attention you are giving her. 

“He must be losing his mind right now. Did I tell you guys he said he loved me before we left?” Jackie says as she looks back to you, and you couldn’t help but express your shock. She just couldn’t tell your shock wasn’t because of the confession. Shauna stops dead in her tracks and turns to look at Jackie. “No, you didn’t,” Shauna replies evenly. 

“Did you tell him you loved him back?” You asked quickly to Jackie. 

“Yeah. Yeah. I-I didn’t say it back, and… I should have.” Jackie says, keeping her arms crossed. She looks down at the forest floor with a mix of emotions. For a moment, all of you pause the conversation to only hear the crowing in the distance. 

“I’m sure he knows how you feel.” Shauna says as she starts to walk on the path, but she stops and says, “Wait. Do you.. Love him?” 

You paused beside Jackie with wide eyes, almost wanting to scream at Shauna to shut up, as Jackie looks at Shauna for a moment as Shauna continues, “I just thought that-”

“I don’t know. I-I just shouldn’t have made him wait, that is all. I just got so caught up in making everything perfect, and now, if we die out here, someone else will be his first, and I’m-”

As Jackie was ranting, Shauna stopped to lean against a tree out of exhaustion. She held her stomach as she took a deep breath. You and Jackie quickly came to her side, concerned. “Shauna?” You yelped as you grabbed her shoulder. 

“Whoa. Hey, hey, hey. You okay?” Jackie says as she circles the two of you to be in front of Shauna. 

Shauna pushes a hair behind her ear and says weakly, “Yeah. I’m just hungry.” 

Jackie quickly reaches into her pocket to pull out her last piece of fish jerky and says to Shauna, “Oh, here. Take this.” 

“It’s your last piece, I-” Shauna tries to say, as you pull out your last piece of jerky. 

“You need it more than me. Here,” Jackie says as she smiles at Shauna to take the food. She doesn’t understand how much truth is in her words. You were sweating bullets at the many opportunities to tell Jackie come up in your face, and you had to resist telling her that Shauna is pregnant. 

“Just take it.” You softly push as you look deeply into Shauna’s eyes. 

Shauna nods weakly and says, “Thank you.” She takes two pieces and eats them. 

You quickly turn to Jackie to lighten the mood, “By the way, if he has his first time with someone else, it doesn’t change you were his first love. And sex is so overblown!” 

Jackie chuckles and nods her head. “Yeah, I am. He will just have to think about me when he sleeps with whatever skank you took my place.” She snorted at her joke. 

You chuckle with her as you refuse to look at Shauna, knowing this hurts her. " Yeah, you were the most interesting part about Jeff, anyway.” 

You all giggle at that joke as you feel Jackie nudge you, “How do you know sex is overblown, huh?” 

You blush as you shake your head, turning to walk away. “I may have been fingered before, but it doesn’t count!” 

Jackie gasps and slaps Shauna’s arm for attention. She quickly perks up to follow you to get more. “It does, too! I told you when Jeff did!” 

“Well, it doesn’t matter now!” You giggle with blush on your cheeks, trying to run away from your two friends who are now pestering you for more information.

You sit beside Jackie, holding her hand gently as you paint pink on her fingernails. “Do you even think that’s true?” Jackie asks Mari, besides her, between the legs of Akiliah, who was braiding her hair. 

You snicker as you add, “I don’t think she is a prostitute if that is what you're asking, Jackie.” 

“I mean, you can’t not be a prostitute if you're offering blowies for 20 dollars.” With a snort, Jackie says Mari and Akiliah giggling at the rumor about Jessica Lowa. 

“Ooohh!” The girls who circle the fire are sent to Natalie and Travis when they return. The whole cabin ground was giggling and whistling over to the couple; you bit your lip as you focused on not painting on Jackie’s cuticles. 

“Natalie and Travis sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-” Laura Lee was teasing with a playful smirk. You feel yourself have to hold in a small gasp from your lips as you try to stop the blurring of your eyes from tears. Dear god, you didn’t need them being together rubbed into your face. 

Lottie giggles and shakes her head at Laura, “I think they were doing more than kissing.” 

You couldn’t help but agree. You wanted to cry.

Mari calls out from the porch, “Hey, Nat, how exactly are you and Flex hunting for out there anyways?”

“I hear it’s beaver season!” Van cuts in with a joke, making you all snicker. 

“Maybe a condom.” You giggle yourself at Akilah’s little joke. You push her knee to approve the joke, and she sends you a beaming smile at the praise. 

“Ah! Sit and spin, assholes.” Natalie says as she flips off the group, turning for everyone to see it sent their way.  When you finish her picky finger, Jackie pulls her hand from your hold, and you look up to see her frowning deeply in anger. 

“Is this why we don’t have any food? ‘Cause you been too busy running for mayor of Pound city.” Jackie cuts into the laughs towards Natalie. You look at Jackie and back to Natalie, feeling the tension building. 

“Uh, go fuck yourself.” Natalie retorts. 

“I guess we shouldn’t be surprised. Nat’s always down for a good time, right?” Jackie says with a tilt of her head. She steps down the steps slowly, coming closer. Everyone pauses what they are doing to see what Jackie is going to say, listening to every word. 

“I can’t magically conjure a deer, Jackie.” Natalie says and then points her finger at her for a second, storming closer to jackie herself “But keep talking your shit, I’ll find something to shoot.” 

“Oh. Wow. Oh, you’re so tough.” Jackie mocked as she came into Natalie’s face. “I’m not scared of you, burnout.” 

“No.” Natalie stares daggers into Jackie’s eyes and says, “You’re jealous. ‘Cause your an uptight, prudish little bitch.” 

Taissa runs between the two and pushes Natalie off of Jackie. “Hey! Knock it off!” she says, turning to Jackie, “Both of you.” 

The two girls turn their backs and walk away, Jackie sending a middle finger to Natalie as she storms off. 

“Fuck that bitch.” Jackie huffs as she passes you to get into the cabin. You just sit there in shock. 

You wanted to cry. Natalie wanted Travis and was showing off her claim to him. 

You look to your side to see Van whispering to Taissa, Van’s blue eyes look at yours as you get off the porch step to check on Jackie. 

‘21

You: I know we haven’t spoken in a while, but I wanted to know if you want to go to the reunion together.  You: I also got great news from my publishing house and wanted to celebrate with you sometime.  😊 Van: I don’t think I can go to the reunion.  Van: I’m happy to hear about that! Please call me when you can to talk more about this because I can’t stand texting.  Van: 3====D You: Okay! I would have called if I wasn’t in a situation! It’s all good.  You: I’ll come by after the Reunion. They wanted me to give my graduation speech, which I never got to give. I wanted to give you the chance to make fun of me.  Van: I would never. 

When you came back inside Jackie’s parents' house, you were scolded by Mrs. Taylor about your smoking, which Jeff and Mr. Taylor only added to. You smiled and apologised on your way out to go to the bathroom real quick, even with Shauna’s pleading eyes for you to stay with her. You sat on the toilet as you typed a text to your ex-fiance, now a long-distance friend, and you sighed as you felt yourself smile. You knew you needed to speak to her about everything happening with the team, but you hadn’t found the time or the mind to do so. You miss her and want to tell her about your life again, even with how things ended the last time you were together. It felt like something within you was looking for Van’s comfort and her presence. 

You leave the small bathroom across from the main bedroom and enter the hallway, only to find Shauna standing outside Jackie’s room. The door closing behind you makes Shauna turn to the side to meet your eyes. The two of you share a quiet sorrow this morning. She returns to Jackie’s bedroom and walks into it, leaving you alone in the hallway. 

As you reach the white doorway, you slowly step down the hall with a heavy heart. Leaning on the door frame, you look on as Shauna silently stares at the bed. The room was untouched from the day you all left. The white silk of her bed and curtains were meticulously cleaned and steamed, the pink carpet was spotless of any dirt or life, and her vanity was still messily scattered from her rushed packing of her makeup the day of the trip. It felt like her room was stopped in time and space, like the ghost of the homecoming queen was still living there. 

As you shyly walked into the room, you felt like a teenager. It made you think of a good memory of one of the many sleepovers you shared. Shauna went into her purse and started to text someone on the other end. You assumed it was Callie as you slowly came over to the end of the bed in the center of the room. 

 You’re parents were very strict about you going to your friends' houses when you were a child, and they never let you have a sleepover until you were 12 years old. It didn’t matter how many camping trips you went on with Shauna, Jackie, and your parents. They didn’t like the idea of you sleeping away from them. It didn’t matter how much they knew Shauna’s parents or Jackie’s, and they didn’t let you stay longer than 9 pm. It took you, Shauna, and Jackie begging your mother for weeks for her to finally agree that you were to sleepover at Jackie’s at her birthday party, rules being you had to call your mother when you were going to bed and when you woke up to pick you up as soon as possible.  A smile comes to your lips as you remember your first time sleeping over at Jackie’s house.

“You remember when we finally had a sleepover with you guys?” you ask quietly as you look at Shauna. She was now looking at the small dairy you both bought after you were rescued to make cute favorite pages of things you knew Jackie would have loved if she was still around. 

“Yeah,” Shauna chuckles as she looks up from the pages. “We finally won. We've got to all be together finally…” 

You felt sad at the memory, feeling that innocence and triumph were the highlights of your childhood. You felt yourself almost melt into the memories as a chill crept up your spine. 

“Okay, read it back to me.” The sweet sound of Jackie’s was heard behind you. She was young, with pigtails on her crown. Her body was petite and still childish, and she looked on at a younger version of you and Shauna. 

You had turned your head to the scene. You smiled as you saw your chubby self giggling into her fist as she tried to let Shauna speak. “Okay, so I’ll go. You’re Jeff, right?” And then he will nod or whatever, and then I’ll say, “Your friend Randy told me that you asked him to ask me to ask Jackie if she likes you.” Shauna excitedly reads off the notebook paper, her small finger moving along with the words. 

12 year old Jackie blushes as she shakes her head a little, “Just don’t say that I told you that I like him. I don’t want him to think that I’ve been, like, pining over him or whatever.” 

You saw your younger self giggle harder in her hands, blushing at the idea of romance, as you said, “I bet you have been writing little doodles about him for weeks now.” 

Jackie giggles and pushes your shoulder, pushing you back to the pillows. “Shut up, (y/n). It’s not like you don’t pine over Joshua!” 

“Stop it!” Your younger self squeals with Jackie, grabbing her hands to hold yourself up with giggles. You never remember how happy you were as a kid. You smile at the scene as you feel Shauna’s arm brush against your own. She is looking on at the bed as you were. 

“What if he says yes?” Shauna asks Jackie as she holds her tassel pen. 

Jackie straightened her back, “Then just be like, “Okay, Cool… But definitely don’t act like you know I like him back.” 

“Wait. Do you, like, like like him?” Shauna asks Jackie with wide eyes. “Oh my god, Jackie, why didn’t you tell me?” 

All your younger selves giggle and are excited. You feel a tear come down your cheek, and your hand comes up to wipe it. You look away for a moment to look at the smudge of black makeup on your fingers. 

“It’s not your fault,” Jackie says as she sits alone on the bed. She looks at you with her big innocent eyes and looks at you with pity for a moment. “What happened.” She added, to explain what she was talking about. 

“I know,” Shauna says beside you. You look to her quietly as you realize she was seeing everything you were seeing, too. It was real or not real. It didn’t matter. 

“Actually, you don’t know.” Jackie retorts with a pout on her lips, mocking. “It’s totally your fault. It’s your fault for not stopping it, (Y/n).” She looks to you with a smile and back to Shauna. 

Your lip quivered as you looked at her round face. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I should have stayed with you that night.” You whisper to the phantom.

“But we were kids. And it was awful.” Jackie says again, more calmly and sweetly. A mood swings with each word the phantom has. 

“Why are you here?” Shauna asks softly.

“Why are you here?” Jackie whispers back with a small smirk growing on her lips. 

You both look at the bed and whisper together in the bedroom, so you don’t notice when Jeff enters the doorframe. “Where have you guys been?” he says softly as he pauses at the doorframe, unable to walk through. “You left me all alone down there.” 

Shauna sighs softly as she looks at her husband, and you quickly try to fix your black makeup. You quickly lie: “Sorry, Jeff. The door was open, and I got emotional. I needed a moment. Sorry I stole your wife.” 

You felt a sting of guilt when you knew what you said was truer than he knew. 

Jeff nods his head and smiles softly. “It’s okay. Shauna, if you wanna go, we can go.” 

Shauna doesn’t react to his words or your lies. She walks past him and says, “We just have to make it through dessert.”

“To Jackie, whose light shone too bright ever to be extinguished from our memories. Happy Birthday, baby.” Mrs. Taylor roasted, you all held up refilled mimosas. You smiled widely as you looked at her. 

“Happy birthday.” Mr. Taylor agreed as he momentarily looked up to the ceiling and sipped. 

“Cheers.” 

“Happy birthday, Jackie!” You say with a cheerful smile as you sip your drink, you don’t stop yourself from drinking it all in one go. “To Jackie.” Shauna adds,

“We’re reading Elena Ferrante in our book club, and it reminds me so much of you girls.” Mrs. Taylor says as you take a piece of cake. 

You nod as you push a hair behind your ear, “Oh! Which one? Lost daughter, Days of abandonment? 

“My Brilliant Friend.” She beams happily and looks at you as if you were the smartest person she has ever met. You feel yourself pinch a smile back at the mention of the book. Of course, she would think of Jackie when reading that book. “It can’t always have been easy for you, Shauna. Jackie was just so… gifted. I can’t imagine how exhausting it must’ve been, for both of you, to always comparing yourselves to someone so beautiful and smart. ” Mrs. Taylor ranted as she ended, her emotions painting brightly in grief.  

You wanted to scream. You never knew why there was so much animosity toward Shauna, but you knew that at some level, everyone saw the marriage as one Shauna stole from Jackie. Shauna was living the life Jackie would have had if she had survived. 

“Shauna got into Brown.” Jeff defends with a slight move of his hand. He was over this whole facade. “She’s, uh, the smartest person I’ve ever met. Are-are you a genius?” Jeff turns his head to Shauna to ask. You smile lightly as you eat more of the cake, letting everything happen before you. 

Shauna is stunned to silence as she opens her mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. Jeff asks again, “Did you ever take one of those tests? You should take one of those.” 

“I haven’t.” Shauna bashfully looks down, quiet, uncomfortable with everything. You couldn’t help but feel the same. 

“Shauna and I were sleeping together when Jackie and I were a couple.” Jeff blurted out to the old couple. You choke on your mimosa as you try to sit up straighter at the news; a little juice falls on your shirt. There was silence at the table as Mr. and Mrs. Taylor looked on with horror. You couldn’t help but look at Jeff with wide eyes. “Which is, obviously, you know, a shitty thing. But there it is.” 

Mrs. Taylor sends a look to Mr. Taylor as ‘I told you so’ as you put down your drink. You wanted another cigarette. 

“Because the truth is that Jackie was amazing.” Jeff sighs as he looks at the couple, “But so is my damn wife. And she still is. And I may have been an Idiot then, but I was smart enough to see that.” Jeff looks around the table, and for a moment, your eyes lock together, and you give him a nod of approval. He did right by Shauna, defending her but exposing that was wild. 

“And this really is the best Tuna Quiche I’ve ever tasted, Mrs. Taylor.”  He added as he toasted to Mrs. Taylor. 

You just sit still in your seat for a moment as you find your words: “I found out in the wilderness.” You say as you look at the Taylors. As you spoke, you could see shock written on their faces, adding to this scandal. “It was heartbreaking, but even then, I knew it was them being stupid and not understanding the gravity of how it would hurt Jackie.” You confess as you frown for the first time since being here. 

You sigh as you look up to the couple. “Jackie was our best friend. She drank Rum milk punch at parties, and stole your Valium for the trip, and she used to talk about how my arms were chucky. She wasn’t perfect, and I don’t want to remember her that way. She was Jackie. Our Jackie. No amount of years or regrets will change that. She would be happy knowing we all still come together for her birthday; she was humble enough for that.”  

You smile and raise your glass again. After your speech, the couple smiles weakly as they agree, and Shauna and Jeff go along. 

‘96

After comforting Jackie and trying to bite your tongue about Natalie, you decided you needed to let yourself vent for a moment. With a growl in your stomach, you crawl up the stairs to the attic, logging your emotional day. Exposing every secret, every dirty detail of your night with Natalie, how you’ll go to hell for lying to Jackie for so long. You cuddled in your blankets and didn’t look up when Taissa approached the attic. 

She started to unbutton her shirt without even greeting you and paused for a moment. Then, she approached your shared pile of clothes and grabbed Shauna’s white push-up bra. 

“Um- Where’s Shauna?” Taissa snaps to you with a grave tone. You turn your head to her as you put down your journal. You don’t understand why the importance right now. You then look at the bra in her hand at the rough cut on the inseam; the wire was ripped out. 

You shoot up from your bed, “Oh my god! Shauna!” as you run out of the attic. Taissa is right behind you as you stumble out off the ladder. Once your feet find ground, Taissa slides down the ladder and rushes past you against all your might. She was on the actual soccer team; she ran outside. 

Misty spun around to you while holding a cup of ‘medicine’ for Ben. She asked you with furrowed eyebrows, “(Y/n), everything okay?” 

“Yeah, don’t worry about it, Misty!” You dismissed her as you moved her out of your way, softly, as she stared at the back of your head when you stormed outside. 

You come to the door when Taissa grabbed Lottie’s shoulders and asked, “Lottie, have you seen Shauna?” 

“Uh…”

“Lottie, have you?!” Taissa pressed harder as you approached the girls, who were already slightly out of breath. 

“I think she went that way. Wait! Uh…!” Lottie stops as she looks concerned at Taissa. "Were- were you outside last night eating dirt?”

You paused as you looked at Taissa with wide eyes. The night with dirt under her nails comes to mind. 

“What the actual fuck! No!” Taissa hisses as she turns around to run into the woods to find Shauna.

 Lottie grabs your arm before you can follow behind her, “Is everything okay?” 

You push her hand off as gently as you can as you say, “No, stay here! Don’t tell anyone about this!” 

You pull away from her completely, noticing how concerned she was about you and feeling touched by it. Then, from a distance, you follow behind Taissa. 

You weren’t in shape before the crash, and you had only lost weight from not having enough to eat. You weren’t doing your best as you panted through the greenery. You were still behind Taissa by a few feet. 

It felt like hours as you ran behind Taissa. She stopped to look around momentarily, and you leaned your hands on your knees as you desperately tried to breathe. You saw a footprint in the moss that led to your left. You and Taissa continued as you found your breath again. 

You two finally find her sitting against a tree with a blanket under her body. She laid out her supplies beside herself. “Shauna!” Taissa yells as she turns the corner of the tree. Shauna is lighting the end of the wire with your weed lighter.

Witch hazel. A underwire. A lighter. A rag. 

You felt your lip curl into a sob when you looked at the broken girl on the forest floor. You couldn’t stomach that this is what you have. You were shaking when you came over to her side, Taissa the other, as you looked over her body. 

“Okay. Okay. Um…” Taissa processes as she sees what is before her; she is trying to stay strong. “You’re not going to do this alone, okay?” 

You nod your head as you kiss Shauna’s temple. “We’re going to be right here for you. I promise. I will always love you, Shauna.” 

Shauna’s lip quivers as she rests her head in your chest. She cries heartily, and Taissa grabs the wire from her hand. She took in a deep breath as she positioned herself in between Shauna’s legs. “I’m going to help you,” Taissa says as she takes another big breath. “If you let me.” 

Shauna pulls her head out from your breasts to look at Taissa, and she nods her head. She couldn’t muster up any words for this moment. “Okay.” 

You rub her shoulders as you move behind her. You lean Shauna into your body as you hover over your back, putting your legs beside her body to stabilize her. All you could muster in comfort was a shaky, “It’ll be okay. It’ll be okay, Shauna.” 

Taissa puts up her curls in a ponytail as she then leans down to perform an abortion as best she can. Shauna lets a shakily breath as she leans down on your body and slides to rest on your stomach. You pet her hair gently and feel fat tears roll down your cheeks. You look at every curve of Shauna’s face, fearing it will be the last time you see it. Shauna nods as Taissa places her hand on her thigh to move the wire inside. You couldn’t help but hiccup a sob as you say, “It’s okay.” 

Shauna was panting as you tried to comfort her with your hand in her hair, your kisses to her temple, but she was panicking softly as Taissa inserted the underwire. You hid your eyes into Shauna’s shounder as it shook. You couldn’t watch this. “Okay. Keep going.” Shauna whimpers to Taissa below. 

You slowly breathe as you rub her arms and hear Taissa sniffling back. She cries as she pushes the wire further in. Shauna shakes in pain as an agonizing moan comes from her mouth. She bites her fist as Taissa continues to press inward, and she whimpers, but it becomes hard to hear anymore. “I love you, Shauna. Everything will be okay.” You whisper into her ear. 

Shauna sobs into her fist and yells, “Stop! Stop! Take it out! Take it out!” 

Taissa takes it out as soon as she hears Shauna’s cries. She starts crying as Shauna sits up. “I can’t do it! I can't do it!” Shauna sobs. 

You hug your arms around her shoulders as you kiss her temple. Taissa rushes over to hug Shauna’s waist, and Shauna clings onto both of you. “I know! I know. It’s okay.” 

Shauna sobs into Taissa's chest, “I don’t want to die!” 

You sob yourself as you hear her say that. You rub her back and say, “I won’t let you die, Shauna. You’re not going to die.” 

“It’s okay.” Taissa cries as she hugs onto Shauna. 

And for a moment in those woods, you all three cried like children in each other's arms. Then, you all quietly, without any words spoken, walk back to the cabin as the sun sets in the distance. You hold onto Shauna’s hand as you walk back and tuck her into bed as soon as you all return. You don’t even think about your journal that wasn’t on your bed anymore. 

Taglist: @zhivaxo @h-doodles @homopheli @bigtimesalt8196 @juniperjean @scatorccioz @juniperjean @yaakooi @lottieswebs @juchily @freezinggay @deathly710-blog @ghostoflesbianism @marvelous-wandanatangel @errriiie @anskkks @deathvidal @slutforhotpeople @thursdayygrrrl @day-ziez @evewasheretoday @mayasaurusss @captainbabybear @eleanormall @mommyeater2000 @leonchef @mikititta @tigersarrcool @nyasbae @dykepvppy @jax1118 @oakwave @mmiah @dvrkhcld @swiftin0f @opheliadeservedbetter-27 @psychicdreamwonderland @pinkmoonzzz @under-your-bed-not-in-it @sadsapphic-rose @fictitious-sapphic @gayandfairycore @modernvenuss

[m00ngbin]

mp100 for the ask game?

I did answer mp100 already BUUUUUT I can tell you my second faves bc I love talking about mob psycho and I will never shut up about it if I have the chance

My 2nd fav female character: MEZATO. I'm a mezato guy until I die, I adore her to death. Wdym this girl basically wriggled her way into a position of leadership in a cult just because she was bored? She's so smart AND she gets herself into really dangerous positions all the time because she either doesn't think or is so passionate about what she's doing (in the moment) that it doesn't matter to her (thinking specifically about when she tries investigating LOL and doesn't realize the position she's in and how dangerous it could be until they're right about to force the hood over her head.) She means a lot to me and she's awesome and I'm so upset we don't get more of her. 3rd is Tsubomi

My 2nd favorite male character: Uhhh I might as well just say Serizawa and my reason bc I guess it's not THAT tmi. He's not actually my 2nd favorite, he's my other favorite, but I didn't talk about him before. His whole entire character growth and arc of finally being able to come out of his room, go straight into being with people who did not care about him and just wanted to use him, but eventually being able to move on and join society again and learn to manage his anxiety and be more confident and just LIVE is so important to me on a level that I genuinely cannot explain to you. The message that it is NEVER too late to start and live your life and become a real, productive member of society despite everything has meant everything to me since his first appearance. I wish I could like grip him by the shoulders and give him the most sincere, emotional Thank You I've ever given anyone. Also ocd serizawa is real to me and nobody gets it like I do. My ACTUAL 2nd favorite is one of the kageyamas. They're tied

My 2nd fav season + episode: my 2nd favorite season is season 3 and my 2nd favorite episode is either Poor Lonely Whitey or the main big cleanup arc episode

My 2nd favorite cast member: unfortunately I still have not seen the stage play, but my 2nd fav va was emi's. Just because.

My 2nd fav ship: Maybe ritshou? Queer platonically? Studying them. ALSO EVERYONE GETS THEM SO WRONG THEY DONT UNDERSTAND THEM

The 2nd character I'd die defending: still would be easier to tell you who I would NOT die defending, I would defend most of the people in the series with my life

2nd character I just can't sympathize with: so I can Understand why he did it, and I do feel bad everything that happened to him before he trapped mob in the torture maze, but after it. I can't sympathize with Mogami Afterwards. He got his ass exactly where he ended up. ALSO HE COULDA LEFT AT ANY TIME COULDNT HE? Maybe he liked hanging out with matsuo

2nd character I grew to love: Not LOVE per se, but not hate. I learned to not hate minori MONTHS after I watched the mogami arc for the first time, and I know why but also like. She is a middle schooler. Middle schoolers are shitty and she eventually became a better person and she didn't Technically do anything to Mob. It was mogami

My 2nd anti otp: I don't hate any ships other than the obvious, but the other one I like the least (NOT DISLIKE AT ALL) is emimob. Only because I feel like that goes against the point of the episode, but I could be wrong and I CAN be convinced that they're awesome. Because they probably are and I'm just not seeing it

Edit: idk why I didn't put like tsubomob, I like emimob enough

[socksnstuff00]

MORE GAY ANIME

cause you guys asked for it i bring y'all EVEN MORE GAY ANIME!! :D

11. Hina Logic from Luck & Logic. - based on a game, very gay, very cute, and very funny lmao. perfect to watch all at once and end up with a mushy feeling inside

12. Akanesasu Shoujo. - a very eneterteining one with an odd premise oO travelling through other dimensions, love and friendship. and it ends actually GAY lol when first watching i wasnt expecting it ngl,but it was a lovely surprise xD

13. Otherside Picnic. - horror, and when i say horror i mean it lmao. prepare for some disturbing shit. also interdimensional travel and Gay :) what else can you ask for?

14. The Executioner and her way of life. - great story, very nice characters, very gay, very entertaining isekai with some twists oO and this just season one.

15. Lycoris Recoil. - a lot of you could argue on how this one is not GAY but i could spend two days defending its gayness and no one will convince me otherwise. there's a reason why Chisato and Takina have become one of the favorite couples of the last years as long as they appeared and with only one season. this one is full of comedy, girl assasins, inmaculate action, beautiful animation and ITS GAY! lmao istg

16. Mobile Suit Gundam: the Witch from Mercury. - when ppl say its Utena in space is bc thats exactly what it is lol. this past season has brought a lot of good entries but this one is the jewel of the crown OO jesuschrist. Gundam is a franchise with more than 30 years of history and for the first time a female protagonist and also the whole argument revolving a gay love story. as a longtime Gundam fan myself saying that i was excited af is an understatement. on top of that the story is SO FUCKING GOOD! the animation, its dark undertones, THE GAY, like holy fuck. and this is only season 1 of what is gonna be IMO the best anime of the season and all the seasons to come.

17. The Magical Revolution of the Reincarnated Princess and the Genius Young Lady. - another gay isekai bc thats like the new normal lmao. this one just started airing but its so good lmao purely gay and funny af. go watch it right now! i have read the manga and the novels and you won't be disappointed. lol very worth it!

now speaking of manga, there has been a wave of gay manga about to be animated SOON which has been the highlight of my year LMAO i've read all of these and I CANT FUCKING WAIT im so excited! now watch out for :

18. Im in love with the Villainess. - another gay isekai cause dreams do come true sometimes!. girl dies and its reincarnated on her favorite dating game but she doesn't want any of the male love interest, her gay ass wants the villainess lmao. idk how far the anime is going with the story but i've read the novels and it ends SO GOOD! (airing summer 2023)

19. Whisper me a Love Song. - music gay manga that also received the green light for animation. very cute, highschool piece of life drama and gay as it can be <3 (airing sometime this year)

20. Yuri is My Job! .- comedy gay manga to be animated this year as well ^^ cute girls, nice storytelling, comedy and of course gay drama! (airing april 2023)

--------------------------------------------------------------

and here's the first part of the list :D

[runlikethewynd]

Takashi Shirogane 🖤💜

Okay, so I just started watching VLD A.K.A. Voltron: Legendary Defender about a week ago after I kept putting it off for so long (yes I'm so late, I know...) and now I'm in love!!! I'm currently in season 4 now. Shiro is definitely my most favorite character in the series by far. I just adore him! I mean, don't get me wrong, I love the rest of Team Voltron and the characters are all great, but Shiro just has this special place in my heart.

When I first planned on watching VLD, I thought Keith was the main character since I saw a lot of fanarts of him and Lance, and like, usually the color red is always the leader in team-like shows. Take Power Rangers for example, or Powerpuff Girls. Heck, even Alvin and The Chipmunks will do! But when I found out that Shiro's the leader, I was like, "Wait, wait, wait. He's the leader? Does that mean he's the MC?! I thought it was gonna be Keith. OMG!!"

Y'all have no idea how happy I was back then because like I said before, Shiro's my favorite character. Like, the second he appeared in the first episode, I knew that he's going to be one of my favorites, along with Keith and Lance!

When Shiro supposedly disappear at the end of season 2, I was shocked and sad because even though I knew that he couldn't possibly be dead, it would still mean that he wouldn't be showing up for a while. But when he returned, I was like, "OMG yes finally. I knew it!" although I was kinda bummed he wouldn't be piloting the Black Lion anymore because Keith was it's pilot at the time. And when I tell you the moment Shiro became the Black Lion's pilot and the Black Paladin again, I literally screamed for joy.

As much as I liked Keith being the leader and the Black Paladin for a while, it's just not the same as Shiro whenever he says, "Form Voltron!" Like, no one could've done that better than Shiro. You can't change my mind! And so, now that Keith has left the team to join the Blade of Mamora and continue his training, I kinda miss him and his emo-ness lol. Hopefully he'll come back soon!!

Oh gosh, sorry for the long rant. I'm just so excited!! I regret not watching VLD sooner. It has definitely become one of my favorite animated shows EVER!!! Anyways, after Shiro became the Black Paladin again, I just had to draw him to celebrate lol! So here you go, our beloved Space Daddy (I heard that's what the fandom has been calling him and I love it!)

[bokutosworld]

convenience store stranger | suna rintarou

pairing: suna x f!reader  word count, genre: 2.1k words, college au. fluff. another meet cute story lol.  warning: none  summary: in which your late shifts become less boring and more interesting when a cute stranger stumbles in at 2 AM.  a/n: my first time writing for suna god im scared but i really liked how this turned out!! 

The first time he meets you happens on one of his late night convenience store runs. It was exams season and Suna’s been pulling all-nighter after all-nighter. To say he was exhausted would’ve been an understatement. 

He’s barely making it through on the third night and if he didn’t take a break soon, he was sure he’d have passed out on his desk. With his mind hazy from reading too many words and trying to understand a semester’s worth of lessons in one night, he decides to stand up and get some fresh air. 

Which is how he found himself currently standing at aisle four of the only convenience store that was still open near his apartment. He scans the rack for something that can wake him and his brain up. He doesn’t know how long he’s been standing but he could definitely feel eyes burning holes in the back of his head. 

He settles on a pack of jelly sticks and a cup of spicy instant noodles and heads towards the counter. You mutter a greeting when he reaches the cashier and begin scanning his items. 

When he hands over the cash for payment, your fingers brush with his cold ones, making you recoil harshly as if he was repulsing.

“Something wrong?” He laughs when he sees your reaction. “I know I look like a mess now but I won’t bite you.” He bends his knees slightly, tilting his head to get a look at your embarrassed face.

“No, I’m sorry.” You avoid his intense gaze, continuing to pack his purchase. When you look at him, he’s still staring with his piercing eyes that it almost takes your breath away. 

Shaking your head to bring yourself to reality, you give him his items. “Your hands felt cold and I was just shocked.” You feel that same electricity sparking between you again when he takes the bag from you. “I.. well.. thank you. Have a great evening.”

“It’s 2 AM,” Suna chuckles and you sigh before correcting yourself and bowing to him in goodbye. “See you around,” he shouts over his back as he walks out the door. It was the first time he saw you in that store and he was sure it wasn’t going to be the last. 

The second time he’d actually planned it according to your shift. If his past trips to the store were anything to go by, he’d learned that you always took the evening shift. It was something he discovered after being called out by your co-worker on the third time that he restlessly looked around the store during a visit. 

He should be on his bed, phone in his hand as he mindlessly scrolled until he fell asleep. But with the memory of his interaction with you lingering on his mind, he wanted to see you.

“Hey, got time for a customer?” He greets the moment he steps inside the empty convenience store. You look up from the book that you were reading and quickly stand to welcome him. “What are you reading?” 

Hiding the book from his view, you retort, “Aren’t you going to buy something?” 

He grins, taking in your tired disposition and the bags that had formed under your eyes before retreating to the shelves. When he returns, he slides over a can of energy drink, iced coffee, and a large bag of chips. 

You assume he’d leave immediately once he’s paid for everything. You certainly didn’t expect him to take out the coffee and give it to you. 

“This is for you.” He opens his own drink and leans by the counter. “Doesn’t it ever get boring here? I mean it’s midnight and you’re alone. I’m betting not many people even drop by at this time.” He faces the door, crossing his arms around his chest and staring at both of your reflections at the glass. 

Worn out from your classes in the day, you take his coffee offering, instantly feeling the rush of caffeine flow through your veins and waking you up. “The job pays relatively well. Besides I can’t really work in the mornings, I have uni.”

“So you’re a college student too.” He turns around and extends a hand out to you. “I’m Suna Rintarou.”

You introduce yourself as you shake hands with him. And as soon as pleasantries were exchanged, he immediately launched into a story about how his earlier day went. He was a natural conversationalist and despite this being your first time talking with him, you didn’t feel an ounce of awkwardness. You didn’t know what it was about him but his presence made you feel comfortable. 

You learned about what he was studying (to your surprise, Psychology), how he spends his weekends playing volleyball (he was a middle blocker and an excellent one at that, he boasted), and how he ended up here during the night he first saw you (the all-nighter went well and he passed all his exams). 

He rips open the chips he bought and offers you some as you lay your story before him. He munches as he listened to you rant about how you loathed your course (Business Management) and the many case studies and papers you had to do each day. He nods his head in understanding as you explain why you needed this part-time job (to pay for apartment fees). 

You were having so much fun in his company that you didn’t notice the time pass by. (He arrived to the store at 12:32 AM. The clock on the wall now reads 2:32 AM). And for the duration of his stay, you were surprised that no one ever came by. He only ever left your side when a taxi driver walked in. 

Suna steered clear from the counter and kept his distance as you did your job. From your peripheral, you could see that he watched you like a hawk from the side and it made you somehow conscious. When the customer exited, you playfully threw a tissue at him, 

“I couldn’t concentrate when you were standing there and looking at me like that!” 

He went back to his position but this time, he leaned close with his hands on the counter. “Like what?"  

Well how could you say to him that you thought he looked effortlessly hot in his sweatshirt and track pants? And was that an adorably messy bedhead? How could you say that you liked the teasing smile that he’d been giving you throughout the night?  

You chuckle and shake your head, “Nothing.” You reach for the book you were reading prior his arrival and took your seat. “Don’t you have classes tomorrow? You should go back.”

“Do you not want me around anymore?” 

“It’s not that, I…”

He cuts you off, “Good, then it’s settled. I’m not going anywhere. I like talking with you too much to go back home. Let me entertain you some more.” He sits down at the chair on one of the tables near the counter and then goes back to chatting with you. 

Since that night, Suna had been scheduling more trips to the convenience store. Sometimes, he’d really only visit to bother you. At times, he’d bring his books and laptop with him so he could work on a paper while you restocked the shelves and cleaned around. On rare occasions, he’d help you out on a business plan and the customers who’d enter the store would be amused at the sight of you and him huddled behind the counter with your serious thinking faces on. 

He’d become a part of your life that it felt unnerving not to have him around on your shifts. And it certainly showed on your face how disappointed and heartbroken you were when consecutive nights passed without his visits. Your co-worker even called you out on it. 

“So where’s the cutie been?” She asked one time when the two of you were at the back lounge while you logged in for your shift. You groan at the nickname she gave him and she laughs at you.

“How would I know?” 

“Don’t you guys talk almost every day and night?”

“Only on nights that he visits me.” You pause, thinking about the possibilities why he could’ve stopped coming. And before you knew it, you were ranting. “God, are we even friends? I don’t know his number. Did he ghost me? Is this considered ghosting? It’s been a week. I’m scared I did or said something.” 

She’s watching you pace around the room. “Maybe he got bored of me. Or maybe he realized I’m not really worth his time and dipped. Sleeping is much better than hanging out with me at 1 AM anyway.”

You’re stopped in your tracks when she suddenly grabs your shoulders. “Overthinking is not a good look on you.” She makes you take deep breaths to calm down. “I’m sure he’s just busy right now. He’ll visit again soon.” 

“I don’t know why I’m being like this.” 

The look she gives you is incredulous, her mouth gaping wide at your statement. “Are you serious?” 

“What?” You ask, not anticipating the next words that would come from her. 

“It’s obvious that you like him.” 

The next time you see him was on campus. You don’t know how long it’s been since he last spent time with you on your shift. (Though if you were counting, you were definitely sure that it’s been two weeks and three days since then.) 

You tried not to think too much about what his absence could mean but the pang in your heart never left. Those two weeks that he didn’t show up allowed you some time to think about your conversation with your friend. You like him. 

Back then, you were too quick to shut down the idea. Denying any ounce of feeling for the boy as you saw him as no more than someone who had too much time on his hands to bother you on your shifts. A good friend is what you specifically used to defend your relationship with him. 

So then why was it that your heart was beating so rapidly as Suna waved at you from across the cafeteria? Why couldn’t you stop smiling as you watched him make his way to your table and sit down beside you?

“Hey there.” He slings his arms around and pulls you for a side hug. “Long time no see.” 

You almost couldn’t hear him over the loud thumping of your heart in your ears. He’s still smiling and waiting for you to reply. “Yeah, been a while. I’ve gotten the peace and quiet back in my shifts.” 

He breaks out in laughter while opening a snack bar. “I’m sorry I haven’t been able to stop by. I just came out from a major presentation that I’ve been preparing for during the past weeks. And guess what?” 

You perk your eyebrows at his question. “What?” 

“Our group did great.” He raises a hand for a high-five and you indulge him. “The teacher liked our slides and our analysis of the topic. Ah, I feel so good right now!” He leans back with his hands behind his head, but he suddenly jerks. 

“We should go out!” Suna grabs your hands and looks at you expectantly. “You’re free the whole day tomorrow right? You’re not working the shift? Let’s celebrate. It’s my treat!” 

Feeling overwhelmed by his invitation and his overall excitedness, you laugh and pull back. “Calm down, Suna. I don’t know about tomorrow.” 

“Why? Are you busy?”

“Not really but..” 

“Then it shouldn’t be a problem.” He tucks a loose hair behind your ear, leaning close with his voice barely over a whisper, “It’s perfect. I’ve wanted to take you on a date for a long time now.” 

“What?” You stare at him wide-eyed. 

“Come on, you’ve never thought about us?” He finds the situation entertaining. Your flustered reaction reminds him of the night that he met you. 

“Why do you think I’ve been coming to the convenience store when I could be sleeping at that time? I like being around you. My day doesn’t feel complete if I don’t at least see you or tell you about my day or listen to you rant about the latest episode of your favorite series.”

You like him. 

“Go out with me.” He kisses the back of your hand. “Please?” 

The corners of your lips unconsciously curves up and Suna sends your heart doing somersaults when he says something about how he’s finally got to see the beautiful smile he’s been wanting to see for weeks. 

Your friend was right. You do like him.  

[makeste]

some follow-up thoughts on BnHA 306

mostly Deku angst, but also a little Baku angst (and some TodoBaku angst) mixed in for good measure. because there’s plenty of angst to go around.

1. “if I’d only been stronger...”

I’ll talk more about Deku later in this post as well, because there’s definitely plenty to talk about; this is the most character development he’s gotten in almost 200 chapters. but for starters, I want to discuss the possible parallels between Deku’s current character arc, and what is arguably the most iconic moment of angst/character development in the series.

remember how this kid, who up until this point had rarely seemed to give two fucks about the world around him, suddenly revealed that he blamed himself for being the downfall of All Might? remember how it came almost out of nowhere? how he’d been hiding it, and trying to suppress it? “but even if I try to forget... sometimes it all just comes rushing back.”

yeah. so anyway, I got to thinking -- if being the cause of one hero’s downfall could affect someone this badly, what about being responsible for the downfall of all heroes?

what if a boy who wanted nothing more than to keep people safe suddenly found himself at the epicenter of a disaster that killed hundreds, possibly even thousands of people?

now obviously, this is not the sole thing that’s troubling Deku right now; this kid has a whole array of traumas as of the War arc. like, you know it’s bad when Society As We Know It Coming To An End Partially Because Of You is the least of your problems. but still, I think this is worth bringing up, because the hero kids blaming themselves for things that aren’t their fault is hardly anything new. and yet, what with everything else that’s been going on -- all of the Todoroki drama, and Vestige revelations, and hospital antics, and political strife -- I feel like it’s easy to forget or overlook this little detail.

the fact is that AFO put this entire plan into motion solely in the hopes of finally obtaining OFA. every single thing that happened at Jakku -- Tomura powering up; Machia waking up and going on his rampage (after being ordered to do so by Tomura); and even Dabi/Touya choosing this moment to finally strike (because he knew this was when the reveal would do the maximum damage -- when people’s faith in heroes was already wavering) -- every last bit of it can ultimately be traced back to AFO’s desire to steal OFA. which, obviously, makes it AFO’s fault, not Deku’s. but then, Kamino wasn’t actually Katsuki’s fault either. it wasn’t his fault the villains went after him (but he blamed himself anyway), and it wasn’t his fault that people got hurt in the ensuing battle to save him (but he blamed himself anyway).

just. I think we’re underestimating just how strong of an impact all of this likely had on Deku. we haven’t really had the chance to see him process it yet. he’s been too busy, and there have been too many other things going on. but I’m telling you guys, that empty look in his eyes in the final page of the chapter? I can all but guarantee you that at least some of that emotional weight is coming from this.

sure would be nice if he had a friend who knew exactly what that was like, and could help him process the guilt and all of the other associated emotions, just like Deku once helped him. unfortunately I’m not so sure things will be that easy this time around. anyways though let’s move on to a couple of other thoughts and speculations.

2. “...and I bullied him.”

one of my least-favorite BnHA fanfic tropes is the one where the rest of class 1-A somehow finds out about Katsuki and Deku’s history -- i.e. that Katsuki bullied Deku throughout most of their childhood. mind you, it’s not the concept itself that I dislike; it’s mostly how it’s used. a lot of times it’s just an excuse to have all of the other kids turn on Katsuki and ostracize him; either because the author thinks that’s what he deserves, or else so that Deku can eventually come to his rescue and defend him and shame the rest of the class for not seeing how much he’s changed. either way, it’s usually pretty awkward to read, and more often than not the characters are pretty OOC (especially Ochako and Todoroki).

however! there’s a big difference between fanfic and canon, and just because I’m not a fan of this trope in the former doesn’t mean it couldn’t be executed well in the latter. and lately I’ve been thinking about this a lot. mainly for three reasons:

the recent (can we still call it recent?? well whatever) scene where Katsuki confessed to All Might that he used to bully Deku is now one of my favorite scenes in the entire series, and proof that this can be executed well.

both Todoroki and Deku have finally had their respective big secrets revealed to the rest of the class. so like, idk. feels like it just might be secret-revealing season now, you know?

and lastly, as a result of Deku’s secret about OFA finally being revealed, the rest of 1-A now either knows, or can extrapolate, that he used to be quirkless.

and from there, I feel like it’s not all that hard to put two and two together with how terrible Kacchan and Deku’s relationship was when they first started at UA. that’s not a terribly difficult puzzle to solve. so I feel like it might come out anyway, and if so, I’d prefer Bakugou telling them himself, and taking responsibility as part of his atonement process. because we know that he regrets it. we know their relationship has changed. we know that he has changed. and so I think I might like to see this.

alternately, if confessing to the entire class is too much, at the very least I could see him confessing to Shouto, because I’ve always felt like this was one of the big things that made Katsuki so resistant to letting Todoroki call him a friend. because I feel like there’s a part of Katsuki that saw the parallels between Endeavor’s abuse of Shouto and his own bullying of Deku, and thought, he wouldn’t be so quick to call me his friend if he actually knew the truth. and so there’s actually been this roadblock wedged between them this whole time that Shouto doesn’t even know about. because Shouto hates Endeavor. and so it’s not such a leap to assume he’d hate Katsuki too if he knew just how terrible he’d been to Deku when they were younger.

not that I think he actually would! actually I don’t think either of those things is actually true (because Shouto clearly doesn’t hate his father either, in spite of everything that’s happened). but the point isn’t what I think -- the point is what Katsuki thinks. and I really do think there’s a good chance he’s worried about Shouto hating him, and it’s one of the things that’s made him so reluctant to accept his friendship. anyway, so I’m really just rambling now, but you get my point. I don’t know if this is actually going to happen, but it’s a scene I would like to see if Horikoshi decides to indulge me.

3. “...so when you wake up, please give him my best.”

and now, as promised, back to Deku.

ngl guys, when I first saw this image, my immediate thought was that Gran must have died. because I mean, hello, leaving U.A.?? donning himself in his teacher’s old cape?? empty, exhausted look in his eyes?? what else were we supposed to think lol.

but maybe that was an overreaction. because when I think about it more, Gran’s death isn’t strictly necessary in order to push Deku over the edge. first of all, there’s already the whole “hero society is in ruins now because of you” thing I mentioned earlier. but also, there are just so many other things. like, let’s just list them here because omg. what a rough couple of days this kid had.

he was forced to battle TomurAFO and was terribly injured in the process (most of which was his own fault, but he wouldn’t have gone that far with OFA unless he felt like he had no choice)

and it wasn’t just him that was injured, either. in fact, even though he tried to act as bait to keep everyone else safe, he wasn’t able to stop three of the people closest to him from nearly being killed right before his eyes

and of course that last one was especially traumatic, because it was Kacchan, and because he had to watch Kacchan nearly die just to protect him. out of all the things that Deku witnessed in this arc, this might be the one that had the biggest impact on him

he was also basically helpless to do anything to protect Shouto and Endeavor when Dabi showed up. so again, we have this running theme of people he cares about being hurt and him not being able to save them

and he also got sucked into the OFA Interstellar Dream Vortex for a brief spell during the battle, during which he learned that AFO had possessed Tomura. more importantly, he learned that Tomura was Nana’s grandson, a fact which was only briefly touched on during that scene, but which I think wound up being the trigger to the whole avalanche that ended with Deku leaving UA. but more on that in a moment

anyway so just to wrap this all up, the battle eventually ended, Tomura got away despite all of their efforts, and then Deku wound up comatose in the hospital for two days. which brings us to the most recent chapters, during which

Deku learns that he will be the last wielder of OFA, whether he likes or not

Deku learns the identity of the last two mystery OFA users

and then at some point, he wakes up and presumably talks to Gran, and winds up with his cape

something happened during these last two scenes which helped to push Deku over the edge. I won’t delve into the matter of the Second or Third users for now, although most of you already know my suspicions regarding that, and I do think that would fit into the general pattern here (that is, the pattern of Deku feeling more and more strongly that he is putting the people around him in danger, and his fear of losing them becoming so overwhelming that it eventually pushes him to leave).

but that’s not what I want to talk about for now. what I want to talk about is Gran. specifically, what it is that Deku discussed with Gran. and this is where we come back to that reveal I mentioned earlier -- that Tomura is Nana’s grandchild.

basically, what I think happened is that Deku mentioned seeing Nana in the OFA Zany Psychedelic Spirit Void, which led to the topic of Tomura, and the fun fact Deku recently learned about him being related to Nana. this, in turn leads to Gran divulging his various regrets about everything that happened with him and Nana and Kotarou. his intent is to apologize to Deku for placing the burden of their failures on him. unfortunately, the part that Deku actually gets fixated on instead is this:

All for One hunted down and killed Nana’s son (and probably her husband as well), and stole her grandchild and psychologically tortured him into becoming a mass murderer, for no other reason than that Nana had once held OFA

in other words, AFO can and will hurt and kill anyone Deku is close to, anyone who has any kind of connection to him at all, without mercy, and regardless of whether it actually gives him any kind of tactical advantage or not. he’ll do it simply to hurt him. no other reason necessary.

I don’t know about you, but for me that would be a terrifying realization. and for Deku, I think it just might have been the tipping point.

so, let’s recap.

Deku learns that AFO is after him

AFO/Tomura very nearly kills several of Deku’s most important people, including Kacchan

and then he learns that this is just the tip of the iceberg, and realizes that all of their lives are still in danger and will continue to be as long as Deku is AFO’s target

and then add to all of this the misplaced guilt about society already being shambles, and the heroes already having more than enough to worry about. they’re barely holding things together as it is. and we already know how Deku feels about being a burden to them:

and so instead, he leaves. of course he does. in hindsight, I think this was inevitable.

the question is, did anyone else also put the pieces together in time to realize what Deku was planning before he actually left? specifically, did Katsuki, who understands Deku’s self-sacrificial nature better than anyone else, see the signs and put two and two together? like he did back at Jakku?

and if he did, would Deku have been willing to accept his help again?

somehow, I can’t help but think it might not be that easy this time.

anyway, so that was a lot of rambling, lol. sorry about that. I JUST HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS about all of this angsty shit. tired nomad Deku needs hugs and comfort and someone to reassure him that he doesn’t have to face this alone, and that everything is going to be all right. HE IS JUST A LITTLE BOY. this is too much, and I cannot handle any of these feels, and oh my god, somebody please help him.

[stonesparrow]

Wha- WAIT!! you have an MLB Dr Stone au?? That's so freaking cool!! Give us some snippets!! Who's ladybug? Cat noir? Will senku get piercings? (Sorry this is me projecting lol) tell meeee...

Well two days ago I was scrolling through some mlb (btw I always read that as Major League Baseball it’s a legit problem) reblogs by my mutuals (two of them are pretty into MLB and one of them recently did a ranking of all the villains), and even though I haven’t watched any of the episodes, I was like lmao what if superhero (I like the concept of kwamis and superheroes).

Also I was literally writing Episode 1 when I decided to check my tumblr lmao, should I try not to spoil it? Ok here’s an idea - I’ll give the whole Episode 1 summary under the cut, but above the cut will be the “pitch” I wrote for it. (For all of my fanfics, I write a short pitch at the top of the planning document labeled PREMISE, which I usually later use for the summary in ao3)

Ogawa Yuzuriha is a mild mannered 15 year old girl in her first year of high school with aspirations of being a fashion designer, when one day she meets a tiny red creature named Tikki who wants her to be a superhero! As Carmine, Yuzuriha must rise up to be the protector of Tokyo alongside her new partner, a mysterious yet caustically witty boy her age called Kurodora who seems...familiar, somehow. Together the two of them will defend Tokyo from the villainous machinations of the enigmatic Sphinxmoth. Can Yuzuriha find a way to balance the duties of a superhero and a high school social life? Find out in Miraculous: Adventures of Carmine and Kurodora!

SEASON 1 EPISODE 1: Origins (alternatively titled Lioness)

On the first day of school in April 2019, in the city of Tokyo, Japan, Yuzuriha rushes to meet Taiju and Senku at the train station so they can commute together like they always have. Except while she’s on the way there, she spots an elderly man who has fallen down at the side of the road, and stops to help him up, even offering to call an ambulance if he’s seriously hurt. The old man simply thanks her and tells her she should probably get to school, and as Yuzuriha walks away, he smiles after her.

Yuzuriha catches up to Taiju at the train station - apparently Senku is running late on the first day of school. They’re not surprised - Senku does have a bit of a reputation for staying awake long past the time he ought to be asleep (mood, Senku. Mood).

What they don’t know is that Senku is actually only a few blocks away - in fact, he’s just stopped an elderly man from walking directly into the street! After angrily asking if the old geezer is losing it, Senku waits with the man and despite being a little abrasive about it helps him cross the street when it’s safe (fun fact apparently Japanese crossing lights play the tune to a children’s nursery rhyme when it’s safe to cross go google it). The old man thanks him and says to himself, “A little rough around the edges, but I think he’ll do fine.”

Luckily Senku manages to catch the train just as the door closes, with both Taiju and Yuzuriha gently admonishing him for not learning his lesson about staying up too late in middle school. They make it to school, where they meet their homeroom class for the first time. In their class, we meet Hoseki Kohaku and Shizaki Chrome (workshopping these names rn), as well as Takara Amaryllis, who just moved into town.

Kohaku is recognized as the sister of Hoseki Ruri, the most beautiful girl in school. This becomes a problem when later Kohaku spots school brute Magma forcefully asking her sister out, while also gifting her a pretty lapis lazuli pendant. Kohaku confronts her sister and Ruri admits that Magma has been hounding her to go out with him for a while now, and she hasn’t reported his harassment to the teachers out of fear. Magma steps in and tries to push Kohaku away, causing the spirited girl to attract an oddly colored butterfly floating nearby...

After lunch, Yuzuriha’s class is just chilling waiting for the next period to start when suddenly there’s a huge commotion and a bunch of people start screaming. Loudly. A young woman in an amber colored outfit with a fluffy boa around her neck is holding Magma hostage, and seems to be taking him down the street, leaving a path of destruction in her wake and police cars chasing after her.

Students start freaking out, and in the chaos Yuzuriha, Taiju, and Senku get separated despite their best efforts to stick together. Taiju ends up going into the bathroom to call his grandparents and make sure they’re safe, while Senku runs to the roof to get a better view of the situation and Yuzuriha finds herself hiding in the school library.

As Yuzuriha tries to gather her thoughts and begins to text Senku and Taiju in their groupchat to ask where they are, she notices a box sitting on the table next to her that definitely wasn’t there before. Curiosity gets the better of her and she opens it, of course.

Out pops Tikki! Yuzuriha momentarily freaks out before Tikki manages to explain a few things about the situation. Unfortunately however, when Yuzuriha says “I can’t be a superhero! I don’t have time to change into a suit or learn how to fight or anything!” Tikki replies with a placating, “Oh don’t worry it’s easy! You just have to say ‘spots on’ and-” “Spots on?” “WAIT I DIDN’T FINISH-”

Thus Yuzuriha is left transformed in the school library without the detransformation phrase and armed only with the knowledge that: 1. Tikki is a “kwami” from the Ladybug Miraculous; 2. The Miraculous will give her the power to stop the villain rampaging outside. 3. She will be paired with the chosen wielder of the Black Cat Miraculous. Her outfit is a very fashionable looking red jacket over a black long sleeve shirt and leggings, with a red skirt decorated with black spots, and black boots and gloves. The final adornment is a spotted headband that takes the place of the white one she wears normally. [also, she’ll get a new, cooler outfit in season 2, because I like the concept of evolving outfits that reflect character growth].

After falling out of the library window in an attempt to get out without being seen Yuzuriha discovers her enhanced physical abilities and takes a few experimental leaps across buildings before trying to locate the villain. Luckily for her, she actually starts to get the hang of it - right before a boy dressed in all black crashes right into her from behind screaming bloody murder.

The boy apologizes and helps her up - his pale green hair is tied back in a ponytail, and he’s dressed in a black trenchcoat over a vest with a tie, along with boots and gloves. And cat ears, of course. In Yuzuriha’s fashionista opinion, he looks like a cross between a noir detective and a mad scientist.

When she asks his name, the boy tells her that they’re not actually supposed to know each others’ real identities or they risk getting their Miraculouses stolen - didn’t her kwami tell her that? Yuzuriha flushes red and admits she didn’t get a chance to learn everything. The boy says they should stick to codenames - she’ll be Ladybug and he’ll be Black Cat.

“Wait, you just want to use the names of the Miraculouses? That’s kind of...bland, isn’t it?”

“Well what do you want then, miss fancy pants?”

Yuzuriha looks the boy up and down and then says, “How about...Kurodora?” He blinks and then tilts his head curiously. “Like...kuro and dora, for dora neko? I...I actually kind of like that.” (kuro - black. dora neko - stray cat. Totally coincidentally, it’s where Doraemon gets his name.)

“Great, Kurodora it is! Then for me...” -cue loud crashing sounds-

No time to waste! The heroes leap into action to fight the akuma, who introduces herself as Lioness, predator of predators. She’s holding Magma hostage at the top of Tokyo Tower, and threatens to bring the whole thing crashing down unless the heroes surrender their Miraculouses to her so she can bring them to her master, someone called Sphinxmoth.

Throughout the battle Kurodora refers to Yuzuriha by experimental nicknames, which she reacts to with varying levels of enthusiasm.

“Hey Red, on your left!” “Red? Kind of simplistic, don’t you think?”

“Watch out, Spots!” “That’s so silly!”

“Headed your way, Bug Girl!” “Ack, just go back to Red!”

Lioness tries to convince Yuzuriha to join her, since they’re both women and surely Yuzuriha knows the frustration of being victimized by men and feeling powerless, right? Yuzuriha says that doesn’t mean she wants to hurt people, and successfully distracts Lioness so that Kurodora can grab her necklace and destroy it, with him instructing her to purify the akuma with her powers (He was very meticulous and made Plagg explain everything in detail).

After Miraculous Ladybug returns everything to normal, Kurodora raises his hand. “Nice job, Red.” They high five. It is epic.

Ace reporter Minami Hokutozai then appears on the scene to interview Tokyo’s newest heroes, asking for their names on live television. Kurodora gives his, and when the microphone is put in her face, Yuzuriha thinks for a moment before answering.

“Carmine, like the shade of red.”

Kurodora smiles, and Tokyo cheers.