#not like your habits say anything about the person you like BUT CMON.

[autism-corner]

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[stinmybubs]

“Rot My Brain” Fluff!

AN: I cannot stop thinking about Katsuki, he’s rotting my brain to the core. I’m gonna mix in some of my irl bfs actions with Katsuki’s personality cuz sometimes they clash. And omg I can write Kenma off my bf for sure. This will be my titles for all my brain rots!

Here’s a lazy Picrew banner divider thingy -

B. Katsuki x AFAB! Reader!

Katsuki can’t keep his hands off you. Every minute he has his hands somewhere on your body, for him it’s not only comforting but he loves to keep you close. Making sure every moment he has is next to you, not to mention he barley knows how to express his love in any other way.

This became a habit ever since you two became close friends, except it was more platonic touches than how of course. When you were friends he would put his hand on your back any time you were just standing next to him.

Katsuki doesn’t care for other eyeing where he touches you, because why would he care what a bunch of extras think? You’re his girl now, with your consent he can touch you wherever he wants!

“Katsuki~!” You giggled as he grabbed you from behind and just sat there for a minute, pressing his face into the nape of your neck. “My love!” You smile in the comfort of his arms. The two of you were currently in the dorm room hallways, he had caught you on the way back to your dorm from the showers.

“Hm?” He answered, just trying to soak in the fresh smell of your shampoo and body wash. “I need to put all my things away.” You place your empty hand on his arms, hanging on to your small basket of shower necessities. “Don’t wanna let you go..” he tightened his grip onto your waist.

“Love I need to put these away then go talk to the girls about something.” You try moving forward a bit only to be stopped in place by your bulky boyfriend. Damn, why’d he have to be this beefy? You thought to yourself trying to look at him by turning your head slightly, only seeing the top of his head.

Katsuki loved holding you. It felt like everything would melt away as soon as you were in his arms. He felt just lighter, calmer, and overall recharged after dealing with the idiots in Class 1-A.

“One min’…” he pressed his face deeper into your neck, taking a deep breath. This action tickled you, letting out a beautiful giggle as he took in your scent. “Katsu that tickles!” You laugh.

Oh how Katsuki loves your laugh. He can never get enough of you.

Katsuki was clingy, indeed. But he of course gives space you need or space he needs. But sometimes you two don’t even notice when he’s clinging onto you, or any sort of touch he has because it’s just so normal for the two of you.

Well everyone else knows and try not to say anything about it.

“You and Bakugou are so cute!!” Mina cheers, shaking you violently “oh how I wish I had a man like that…!” She was so giggly. Finally you were able to hang out with the girls after Bakugou let himself recharge and let you be.

“Thank you Mina.” You grab her arms to stop her from shaking you. The girls loves to gush about relationships, especially as one as lovey dovey as you and Katsuki’s relationship. They always tell you to spill, kiss and tell.

You only shared small details, not too many because you knew how Katsuki likes to keep your relationship stuff private. He really doesn’t want it to get to the guys. Even though they see how clingy he is and tease him about it all the time.

“Fuck off! Yer’ all just mad you can’t get a girl to touch ya!” Katsuki yelled, rolling his eyes at Sero and Denki’s teasing.

Katsuki, sadly his room was bombarded by some of the Class 1-A idiots. What did they want? To poke, tease, and stick their noses in each others business. All he wanted was you in his bed, letting him hold you.

“Cmon man! You don’t even hide it, at least some guys would keep the touching on the low!” Denki teased. Katsuki just glared at him, slumping against the edge of his bed.

“Guys he does have a point, how can you tease him for loving his girl when you guys don’t even have one?” Kirishima, always coming to defend Katsuki. At this point Katsuki was just tuning them all out, he just wished he stopped you from going to hang out with the girls so he could cuddle you.

Katsuki loves you, he wouldn’t stop you from pursuing anything. He wouldn’t stop you from having friends, or even going out with them. Sucks that he just wants to be with you all the time. Just being around you was comforting.

Katsuki was getting impatient, he wanted these guys gone and you in here pronto.

“Alright fuckers get out.” He stood up, starting to push out the protesting guys. And once those guys were out, he pulled out his phone to text you.

Katsu( ˘ ³˘)♥︎: cmover. Now.

The sudden buzz of your phone startled you, going to see who had texted you, a smile spreading across your face. You excuse yourself from the rest of the girls and they all happily wave you bye. Off you go to see your clingy loving boyfriend.

Katsuki loved touching you. No matter what nothing will change. His eyes will never leave you, and his hands will always cling to you. You’re a high that never ends. And he loves that you accept his touch, his love, and his temper. He loves you.

AN: I hope you like this! I was spit balling and just rotting my own brain with Katsu :3 let me know if you’d like a tag list or anything! Love you guysss.

[chiquitafresa]

I hope you don’t mind me sharing my staticapple headcanons in return-

My favorite headcanon is that Vox teaches Lucifer how to game and Lucifer is comedically bad at it . But if anyone in the shared lobby says anything, you bet your ass whoever did it is getting doxxed .

Also! I don’t think either of them can cook to save their lives . On one of their early dates, Lucifer invited Vox to his house for a home cooked meal, and realizes a tad too late he has no clue how to cook . Vox comes to see him fussing over burnt ramen . They end up ordering in . (They might learn to cook later though, who knows)

Lucifer makes a habit of showing up to places like hours before it’s time to start and just waits at the door except Vox has cameras everywhere so he notices this and ends up letting him in early (Lucifer gets pretty flustered at this the first time it happens). Vox does consider telling him a meeting time that’s later so he’s not comically early, but part of him enjoys getting to spend a few hours before schedule with his bf.

Vox doesn’t really know how to connect to Charlie at first- well he does, but it mostly involves several manipulative tactics that pray on her better nature instead of genuinely just letting her get to know him and vice versa . Eventually they bond by drawing together, even though Vox isn’t the best at it-

Also Lucifer has really horrible memory with conversations, but luckily Vox has surveillance everywhere! He can just record his bf’s conversations for him! Wait what do you mean that’s a breach of privacy? (They have a very long conversation about boundaries after this . )

I think Vox would hype Lucifer up so fucking much too . Not that it’s really necessary cause cmon, king of hell, but it’s like that meme . If I had a lame ass boyfriend I would hype him up so much, I’d be like here comes the specialest boy ever if you don’t clap I’ll blow up this whole building . That’s them . It’s even funnier because Vox is just as much of a cringefail dumbass as Lucifer is .

They talk about how much they hate Alastor but Lucifer notices that Vox is putting waaaaayy too much weight on it . I think they could actually help eachother a lot in this specific aspect because they’re both people who tend to define themselves off of their relationships, and obsess over one particular relationship to the point of it being unhealthy . (Like, I’m not sure if you’ve seen it, but theres a post about how Vox isn’t really happy or excited about anything until Alastor shows up? And Lucifer is the same way with Charlie calling him! I think Lucifer having a person in his life that has nothing to do with his daughter before meeting him would be pretty welcome, and Vox having someone who can validate his feelings about Alastor without enabling him is also just soooo)

Okay yeah that’s my take on them . I really like how you draw them btw . They’re very cute <3

OH MY GOD ANON I LOVE THIS!!! Your making me cry over how cute they’re are ❤️

I mean like they’re so cute to think about, like how would they first meet? How will Vox react to Lucifer asking him out???

They are having me on a choke hold 😭😭😭

[colourstreakgryffin]

Just figured out you are taking requests for my sweetie L lawliet, so could you do L lawliet with a little sister (reader) probably a 8-10 year age gap between them, she's shy, introverted, quiet, and is always avoiding anyone other than L. She's sneaky and noisy. Her and L has that same crouching position while sitting, you'll never catch her eating anything unless she's eating with L. She's always around L and is with him while sleeping or basically while L speaks on the computer about cases she'll be there sleeping quietly in his lap She's a mini version of him and if she speaks to someone she either responds very mean and blunt with a monotone voice like she doesn't care or will just respond with one word or just a nod. Just recently thought of this sooo yeah🤯!! Anyways have a good day💕

Hmmm! So we’re basically just L again! Well… I suppose I can try already but thank you anyway, I’ll do my best!

Lawliet L- Kindred Shackle

A second L you say? The Taskforce will blow up in flames when they meet you, stood alongside your biological older brother, L. Not in a bad way but in a; “God, there’s two of them” way. One L is bad enough, two Ls is almost like hell

You and L match so much, you might as well wear matching clothes or be the same age since you two mirror each other to a extreme. You’re just as introverted and quiet as L, you’re just as devoted and stubborn, and most importantly, you’re as attached to L as attached he is to you

No joke. You will not eat nor sleep without L present and he knows that as much. So he has you hooked to his hip 24/7 and he never lets you out of his sight. All to make sure you’re healthy and okay

L views you as a cute little lady and he does get a bit scolding when you speak all monotone and blunt to people. Cmon, be nicer! He always tries to encourage you to be a kind, sweet young lady since he wants you to have friends. You should have everything he can’t have

L doesn’t really mind having a littlest sister as clingy and puppy-like as you. You’re a very helpful source, both in work and in his person as he can rely on you in all fields, rather you be MUCH younger than him. He’s 24 and you’re 15!

L believes he works better with you around. Either sleeping on his back or baking with Watari only a couple feet by him, he is fully convinced you provide him with the energy and motivation to work harder on cases, especially the Kira case

L prefers you not adapt to his habits in the slightest. His insomniac sleep patterns, his sugary diet. He is a awful role model and he knows that so he openly tells you to never follow in his footsteps and be like him; it may be intriguing but to him, your health is so much more important than a title

L is a very loving older brother. He may not seem like it but he is, he’ll comb fingers through your hair to help you fall asleep faster, he’ll buy you all kinds of cute accessories and clothes, he is practically your caretaker as the only family you have left. It explains the equal attachment you both have for one another;

L carefully shuffled against the plush couch cushions in order to get more comfortable whilst you were cuddled up in his lap and arms, he had you caged to his scrawny chest with the way his arms stretch out to type on his laptop, the jingle of metallic chains echoing through the spacious room with each wrist movement. You had always been next to L, ever since he willingly took on this horribly deadly murder case and you were willingly to die for your older brother

He is the only thing you have. And you are the only thing he has, L remembers how he carried the only few months year old newborn you through the orphanage when Watari was introducing him to the establishment and the children inside. How he beat down every single one of the kids that dared to try touch you, no, L will never let anybody touch you. Especially when you’re asleep and vulnerable

Light merely approaching or leaning over to L at the very moment to discuss topics or hand over file documents had the pale insomniac man kicking at him in a protective panic. L almost lost you to a horrible rainstorm-induced cold, where he had to use everything his IQ could prosper at that young age to produce a effective medicine alternative to save your life. After that, L has always been overprotective and as your caretaker, he must do everything to raise you and still work as the World’s Greatest Detective

He was very against you joining the case but you went everywhere with him, to every case and to every country. He would never leave you alone, not even for a minute. The only person he truly trusted you with was Watari but since the beloved elderly man was nowhere to be seen, L has to protect you from basically nothing but his own anxiety. He knew his protectiveness was nonsense but he didn’t care, his brotherly love was stronger than his rationality

You’re the only blood he has left in this cruel harsh world and you’re now sitting in the building complex where the Police try track down the world’s most deadly killer. He can’t lose you. To nothing, no Kira, no Taskforce, no wannabe Detective Ls. He will die to the Death Note for you and only you, he won’t let Kira discover your name and drag you into heaven far too early. You must live your life first and if risking his means it will happen, it will happen at all causes

“Dokusha… sweetheart. Up you go, Watari has arrived to transport you to our room. Don’t fret, I’ll be joining you after I’m finished with my duties here, alright?”

[thechillsquid]

Blind Eyes- Random Bullshit

Drabble bs cause I’m tired and wanna sleep but I can’t because there’s a caterpillar crawling across me right now at like the fucking slowest speeds imaginable

—

“Hey… Fidds,” Stan muttered slowly, “Why are the cops here…?”

Fiddleford, who’d be lazing by the coffee machine blinked slowly, “The cops are what now?”

“They’re… just sitting there.” The other man muttered, squinting out the window before saying lowly, “Did you do anything cause I can’t think of anything I’ve done lately that might have caught their eye.”

Fidds frowned slowly, “Uhhhh… I might’ve detonated some dynamite over by the lake?”

“Oh okay— you what!?”

“Mmm. Yeah. Might’ve scared some kids out there now that I’m thinkin’ bout it.”

“So… we just gonna pretend we ain’t here and wait for em to leave or…?”

“I’ll get the memory gun,” the other sighed walking out the room.

~

Fiddleford didn’t think of himself as a squeamish person per say, but having a half-rotted raccoon crawl into your bed while yourself asleep and wake you up by letting maggots fall out of its mouth was probably a thing most folk would scream about.

The man had just taken his third shower that morning and it still wasn’t helping the absoute disgust he felt. He swore, him and Stan had to either figure out better locks to keep Bill’s possessed corpses out of the shack or get the damned demon something less likely to rot to have.

He shuddered and glared pointedly at the triangular shadow floating besides his own shadow. “That was just wrong,” he muttered pointedly.

~

Bill wasn’t sure when the habit started, but he wouldn’t complain about these dumb movie nights. Espically now that he could be present whenever he wanted, the shapeshifter corpse afterall was pretty damn hardy and he could barely feel it decaying around him!

He was currently sprawled across the top of the couch (he’d made it a game these last couple weeks to find weirder and weirder places to watch the movies from) while Fez and Specs were sprawled out on the couch itself. The demon wasn’t sure when the two had gotten some comfortable with one another, but he figured it was something with how humans were a simple, social species.

And so what if he just so happened to spend time around them when they were awake and about, he was just keeping an eye on them. That was all.

~

Stan glanced from Soos to Bill and back again, squinting tiredly at the two before saying flatly, “Why is there a hole in the floor?”

Soos at least had the shame to look nervously at said hole, fidgeting with his fingers while Bill just grinned at him. “What hole ya talkin’ about Fez?”

The man stared at the demon long and hard, “I ain’t stupid, ya know.”

“It adds character to the place.”

“It adds character,” he echoed drily, pinching his brow, “Ya know what… I don’t care. Just fix it.” He gave both of them a look, “Got it?”

Soos nodded sharply, the kid even giving him a salute while Bill shrugged lazily. Stan admittedly got a bit of a chuckle when the demon was nudged sharply by the kid, “Cmon, dude!”

A dramatic huff and the demon stood, “Alright, alright, you two are no fun!”

“And you’re insane.”

Bill shot him a grin and finger guns, “You’re too kind!”

~ Mabel beamed at Wendy, “Heyyyyyy.”

Wendy glanced over with a hum, setting the magazine she’d been looking over off to the side. “Wassup.”

“Can I do your nails sometime?”

The redhead raised a brow, “Ya know what, sure. When we you—“

The girl grinned and slapped down a lot more bottles of nail polish than Wendy thought one person should be able to just carry on them. “I was think like a fiery red or maybe like a cool blue to go with your vibe—“

~

Dipper paused in the kitchen doorway as he stared at the scene infront of him, mouth opening and closing a moment before he asked flatly, “Why is no one in this family normal?”

Fiddleford, who was currently balanced on Stan’s shoulders with his elbows resting against the other man’s head looked down at the preteen. “I ain’t think no one in Gravity Falls can be called normal.”

Stan nodded as he flipped a pancake, barely even seeming bothered by the other sat on his back, “I think it’s a requirement around here, kid.”

A rattling from one of the cupboards made them glance over, Dipper looking on in sheer bafflement as a hand shoved the cupboard open and Bill poked his head out. He raised a finger pointedly, “It would be rather boring if things were normal.”

Stan grunted in a free ment before sighing, “Get out of there, you’re freakin me out.”

Bill snorted before with a lot more shuffling and rattling, the guy just let himself slowly fall out. He then regathered himself off the floor, brushed his shirt off with a wide grin, and sauntered out to the living room.

“Seriously, is it something in the water? Should I be concerned,” Dipper asked after a long, long moment.

[moonangelxo]

Something for your mind

wanda maximoff x avenger!reader

please follow my new (side)blog here !

 summary: reader has been having nightmares due from the stress of their last failed mission. But good thing their crush Wanda is there to save the day!

warnings: fluff! hurt/comfort, unspoken feelings for each other, reader has a nightmare of said mission. Lmk if I missed anything?

note: this is my first fic… I’m very nervous to post this. Please lmk what you think 🥹 also the gif is not mine nor do I claim it to be! The nightmare is all in italics!

All you could hear was screaming. Dust clouding your vision from everything, filling your lungs as you tried to catch your breath from the impact you had just took. The mission had gone sideways.

“Wanda!”

You remember calling out, but it was no use. Your throat was all too dry, and with all the people still screaming in horror and the rubble falling, there was no way she could’ve heard you. Crying as you tried to stand, the pain in your ribs almost unbearable.

“Wanda please!” You cried out yet again for your teammate, knowing you were too hurt to go on. And for once, truly scared for your life.

Suddenly you flung yourself upwards in your bed as you screamed with almost all your might. Shaking, no, more so trembling. You immediately started to rock yourself in your bed as you took in the surroundings with a shaking breath.

You’re at the avengers tower, in your room. You’re home. Immediately your chest started to feel at little better at the thought.

Although the small comfort in your chest didn’t last long, as you heard the door to your room literally fly across the room. You almost let out another scream, until your eyes noticed the scarlet red mist surrounding the now broken door.

“Y/n! Oh my god, are you okay?” You saw Wanda rushing in, her facial expression showing nothing but concern as she gave you a look over.

“M-my door!” You say, completely ignoring her worries for now.

“Did you really just use your magic to breakdown my door?!” You leaned over your bed to get a better glimpse of the cracked and crumbled door now laying at the other side of the room.

“It was locked and I heard you scream! Now hey, hey, look me,” Wanda said, her voice getting softer towards the end.

She grabbed your cold face softly in her warm hands, as she sat on the edge of the bed. Her eyes looking all over your face to see if you were hurt. Her presence immediately comforted you. It always did.

You leaned your face into her hands further as you slowly closed your eyes, sighing softly as you did.

“I’m fine, Wands.”

Wanda leaned in slowly and gave a soft kiss to your forehead, the act sending butterflies straight to your stomach.

It had been like that for as long as you’ve known her. Wanda never failed at making you feel wanted. Loved. Appreciated. Accepted. She was comfort in a person.

“Was it another bad dream about..” she didn’t finish her sentence, as if saying it out loud would be too much.

“Yeah.. unfortunately..” you sighed out. Pulling away from Wanda’s hands. You could feel the tears swelling in my eyes.

Wanda watched you for a moment as you played with your fingernails, it was a nervous habit that you do that she picked up on. To her it was adorable.

“Cmon,” Wanda said in a breathy voice, climbing more into your bed further. She moved the blanket over so she could lay under it.

You two had done this a few times before, and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t enjoy it more and more each time.

You laid down next to Wanda, immediately putting your head on her chest as you held her tight, Wanda tugged at you even tighter.

“I’ve got you y/n, you’re safe. Get some rest.” Wanda laid yet another kiss on your forehead, this one lingering just as long as the last. It was nice.

“Thank you..” you said lowly, listening to Wanda’s heartbeat as you slowly closed your eyes. Sleep finding you easily as Wanda held you tight.

You weren’t even worried about the stupid nightmare anymore, or even about how mad Tony will get once you tell him about your door. For now, you were in Wanda’s arms, and that’s all that mattered. You would be okay, she was here.

[tears-of-boredom]

played the first two episodes of Tell me Why today. damn. still wanna know the context behind why they call her by her first name. and also i kept calling Tyler gay in my mind and i kept reprimanding myself for that because its not a good habit to call literally every dude gay. but also...was i wrong. see if you call every single dude "gay as fuck" you'll be right some of the times at least. world philosophy right there. i have no idea what "world philosophy" means. i just say shit and hope it sounds right most of the times. oh and also i feel bad cuz i dont remember alyson's friend's name, like i somehow mi.....its michael isnt it. yeah theyre name is michael. at least i hope so. anyways so their vibe is so me. like we are on the same wavelenght vibe-wise. except i dont got game like him. man has rizz not gonna lie. smooth mother fucker. i did blush at those dialogues. you know the ones if youve played ep2. my mans got rizz like no other. also he's hot. and has a septum piercing. and i did call him gay as well just out of habit. tbh i really missed the opportunity to call alyson gay. i need to get on that tomorrow when i continue the game. to be honest i think its because i call attractive people gay. i dont know why really, but if i see an attractive person, i will call them gay as fuck. ig because in those moments i myself feel gay? idk. and sorry alyson, ig youre just not my type. girl's real pretty but i like my women with a bit more moustache ya know. and that isnt a way to say that i dont like women. i mean that whole heartedly: i lfind women who have moustaches attractive. mostly just because facial hair looks good on about anyone. clean shaven face aint my thing just in general. which is why im so fucking sad that i cant grow shit on my face. like bro cmon i have testosterone in me. atleast some amount. give me a fucking moustache.

anyways yeah i forgot to say that tyler is hot too. and also one thing is specific: theres one scene where i got this vibe that he wasnt angry at a person because there was a reason to be angry at them, but because, well,, when youve been angry at someone for so long, and people confront you about it, sometimes you just get stuck on like, defending yourself. defending your anger. even if there isnt a reason for it anymore. you dont want to feel like all the time youve been angry at them, you were wrong to be so. and when you get riled up, its hard to calm down and regocnise that forgiving someone in the present, doesnt invalidate the feelings you had of them in the past. and you just get stuck having this tunnel vision where you are angry at this person. doesnt matter why, you just are. because youve always been angry at them.

yeah so, i was probably just reading into that scene a bit too much, but i just related real hard alright. its the one with tyler and alyson talking to brown for the second time. it just fucking hit me. and then there was that later scene with tessa. and,, the vibes were just different. it was much calmer, and no one said anything that would've made him feel the need to be defensive. they had a conversation. and i think, if tyler and brown could manage to let out their steam, and then have a calm conversation, tyler would probably forgive him.

i just. i know that feeling so well. being mad at someone just because, well, you hate them. and you dont even remember why, but wouldnt you be such an asshole if this whole time youve been angry at them for no reason. so you double down. think that whatever it is that made you hate them, it was bad enough to warrant your grudge. and you nitpick all of their actions to find little things that annoy you, or something about their behaviour you didnt like, or maybe you didnt like the tone of voice they used that one time. and when your anger is running out of steam, you remind yourself of all those little things. and its hard to talk to anyone about it, because everytime you do, you find that there isnt really a reason for your feelings. and confronting that is hard, especially if youre doing with the person you are angry at. and the smallest of things they say or do in that calm moment can feel like an attack on your character. belittling you. or maybe they just laugh. and you dont like how lightly they seem to be taking this conversation. they arent taking it seriously. they arent taking you seriously. and you go quiet and add that conversation into the pile of reasons to hate them.

another media post that turned into venting. sorry. and yes that was about my mother, surprise surprise. though ive got testimony from third parties(mys sister), about how my mother sucks, and that evidence will last me for a while. im not even trying to forgive her at this point, im just trying to save myself.

she likes to say that im stubborn and resiliant. when adults ask what kind of person i am. i guess sometimes i feel stubborn in my anger, but that does not last for good things. i have no patience for myself, and no resilience to keep trying. i am pretty stubborn when it comes to proving people wrong. but most of the time im just trying to prove them that im not as good or smart as they think. showing that i dont have "potential for anything, if you set your mind to it". showing that i dont have the strenght to get out of bed. proving that "only a week of school" isnt easy for me.

god okay i dont want a repeat of yesterdays whole ordeal so im forcing myself to cut this now. sorry for the typos, i cant dwell on this longer.

[ohmykazuha]

♡ 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐞 𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞

♡ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: xiao, kaeya, diluc, thoma x gn!reader

♡ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: fluff + comfort <3

♡ 𝐚/𝐧: i love u all. mega hugs and mwahs for each of you! | like and reblog if you liked this!

XIAO.

- xiao is genuinely such a good roommate!

- he's responsible and cleans up after himself ><

- he also has this little duty roster to say who does what chores on what day XD he's very organised!

- i think xiao also cooks well >< yes. he pretty much eats almond tofu but he knows that you have to eat other things as well.

- the two of you study together at the dining table frequently! your table is a mess of cables and phones and pens and earphones but sigh. college students </3

- but...

- xiao. hates. mess. continuing from the previous hc, he would pack everything up really fast when you're done :"D

- i feel like he would be those types of people who get containers for literally anything. big batteries. small batteries. medicinal cream. plasters. kitchen utensils. literally everything

- oh, but you like it. >< it's such a wonderful sight to see him pack up like marie kondo XD

- there's so many things he just does for the dorm and you're super grateful to him for it hehe

- conclusion: clean freak. marie kondo. best college roommate <3

KAEYA.

- ooh kaeya. okay

- he's... messy, to say the least. he has a disorganised aesthetic, if that makes sense?

- cold winter nights mean that you get to see him in a turtleneck~

- he uses the excuse "but i'm cooooooold!" to hug you XD

- i think kaeya is genuinely a... clutter person. he's a hoarder bc he's sentimental? perhaps? he has lots of old trinkets lying around bc he can't bear to get rid of it.

- (its cute though)

- kaeya can cook.

- he can cook well. like pastas and soups and stews and stuff like that. he's awesome that way XD

- you'll see him doing the uh... he do the cooking but you do the cleaning <3

- he makes breakfast and dinner for the both of you! kaeya also makes sure you eat proper, regular meals – he doesn't want the two of you to be the stereotypical college student living off ramen

- yes. kaeya KNOWS how to get a good bargain at the market >:D

- conclusion: 10/10. best malewife. his food is AMAZING.

DILUC.

- diluc 🥺💕

- late night tea sessions with him. literally tea while you two talk about everything and anything

- like kaeya, winter season is turtleneck season <3

- cmon! you can't tell me that you can't imagine him being in a black turtleneck!

- anyways, i think he's pretty good at cooking! probably even better than kaeya XD he can make pasta and sandwiches and fish and chips and stuff like that •u•

- diluc likes to switch on the lamp next to the couch and read a book: a thread inspired by my neighbour <3

- so my neighbour has this beautiful lamp that she puts next to her couch, and at night its just this... cozy, warm place. i love it so so much

- and that's what i envision for your apartment!

- its just warm and cozy. the door is always open for anyone who needs shelter or someone to talk to, there's always a fresh plate of cookies

- conclusion: he's the besssst roommate <3 10/10 would recommend... maybe not. you want him all for yourself. XD

THOMA.

- ahhhh!!!!

- ahhhhh!!!!!! (2)

- thoma is genuinely such a malewife wonderful roommate

- he do the cooking he do the cleaning XD

- thoma is really organised! he's one of those people that stick labels on each thing so its all clear and neat >< he also cleans like.. you know the way of the househusband? tis him, but gentler!

- i mean. not that the mc of WOTH is not gentle LOL

- thoma is really good at keeping the house habitable!

- and good at taking care of you as well! he ensures regular meals and if you're sick, he'd boil chicken soup for you or something XD

- the two of you make dinners together frequently heh. one time he brought back an entire lobster LMAO

- but thats a story for another day

- he's such a good roommate pls come home c6..

- conclusion: I LOVE HIM. 10/10 an amazing roommate you'd definitely miss after college!!! <3

woooo its done!!! man that was long. like and reblog if you liked this please!!! lets try to get this past 100!

taglist: @bookuya, @mikachuchu, @starglitterz, @cherubbic, @noirkkat, @the-gayest-sky-kid, @ajaxeology, @icecappa, @almondoufu, @gnyuvile, @yeetmeoffjueyunkarst. @simplyxsinned, @heaven-dissolution, @xiaoyksa, @yua1106, @gnyuvrse, @mayple, @rim0na, @kamitoge, @abyssheart, @hushyouu, @thaliastea

[yearningandpatheticaboutit]

SPEAK FOR YOURSELF

CHAPTER 9: LOOK AT THIS PHOTOGRAPH

A/N: i made a moodboard for yaera and im really proud of it lmao

warnings: blood mention, drugs mention, suicide/self harm mention, gambling

wordcount: 8000 and some change

prev chapter

***

i remember climbing out my window that night. the moon was full, my stomach giddy thinking of seeing his pretty eyes. he said he wanted to meet me, i couldnt believe that what people said was true.

guys really were MEAN to the girls they liked.

being made fun of constantly? not my love language. never was. it reminded me too much of how my parents treated me, and i never found comfort in that at all.

my insecurities getting pointed out, getting mocked for the enjoyment of others. how could you like someone who did all those things to you?

i wondered that for a while. i was too hopeful, i guess.

that didnt stop me from doing my hair and finally making use of all the designer my mother brought home. i curled my fringe and the ends of my black hair, giving myself the look only a stupidly happy person could muster and snuck out of my house.

i didnt expect to see my twin sister doing the exact same thing.

our mouths collectively dropped open when we saw one another, completely baffled that neither of us had said anything. i wouldve told her where i was going, but she hadnt given me the time of day.

"i can explain," she nervously said, laughing. "okay nevermind, you first."

"no way!" i said, shaking my head. "you? sneaking out? fess up!"

yasmine was like the model twin to everyone. of course she wasnt perfect, she had flaws just like everyone else. she was a massive people pleaser, so i wondered just exactly who she was trying to impress with her new sneaky habits.

anyone that had my goodie two-shoes sister sneaking out of the house couldnt be good news, i thought. i was also impressed by how they managed to actually get her to go through with it.

"im just meeting...someone," she giggled dumbly. it was almost pitch black in our yard and yet i knew her cheeks were stained red.

"and you didnt tell me about him? who is it? someone from a rival school?"

my sister was dramatic enough to hide something like that. she had just broken up with her asshole boyfriend, collin, who no one liked, so i would have gladly encouraged this phase.

"its just someone. you dont know him."

i raised an eyebrow. "so when will i get to? whats his name?"

"im not saying anything, yae." she deadpanned.

"what?" i couldnt hide the disappointment from my voice. "but we tell each other everything."

she sighed. "relax, i will tell you just not right now. gosh quit being so codependent."

i frowned. "im not codependent i just care about your life. but whatever since you wanna be a massive bitch about it."

silence filled after a familiar insecurity rose to surface level. my sister knew how much i loved and needed her. she was my sister. some siblings were close, some werent. but my sister was my only friend. and all i really had. she knew that.

and sometimes she reminded me of how much i held her back.

she would sit with her massive friend group with attractive, sociable and fun people. she would always try to push me to talk to them or even make my own friends. i tried, i swear i did. it usually didnt go well. i never understood why.

maybe i was the problem. i could only really care about one person at a time. i didnt know what that was called. it took time for me to get close with people, the fear of being judged and abandoned an imminent one.

my brain always told me, my own sister would never abandon or judge me. we were blood. we were in this shit forever.

apparently i was the only one passionate about it.

"yae, cmon dont be like that," yasmine sighed. "i didnt mean that. i will tell you i promise."

i didnt answer her, only wiped the tears that gathered in my eyes for that moment. i crumbled up the letter he gave me as i rolled it into a fist in my pocket.

"its whatever, i guess ill see you in the morning," i muttered and started walking to the gate.

"wait!" she whisper-yelled. "where are you going?"

"ill tell you later. good luck with whoever youre meeting."

i called an uber to the address, trying to lighten up my mood on the way there. i put lipgloss on, trying to smile in my compact mirror. i wasnt really good with make up, but since i had a good feeling about this boy, i would need to start getting good.

this was the first time he'd invited me to his house. usually when yasmine went it wasnt a mutual invite. now i was going solo. he really changed his mind about me.

i kept impulsively eating mints, practicing my facial expressions and the uber driver probably thought i was crazy. when i got dropped infront of the wrought iron gates, he was standing there waiting for me.

in a white tshirt and grey sweatpants. he was so beautiful. he pulled his lips into that sly smirk i knew, as if he got everything he wanted. and being who he was, he did.

i mean, thats how i was here even though he bullied the fuck out of me whenever he could.

"hi," i said, giving a small wave. the wind blew my skirt a little, making me hold it down embarrassingly.

jongho continued giving me that satisfied smirk as he eyed me up and down. "you know its two am. i really didnt expect you to actually come."

i mean you asked me to. of course i would. im almost in love with you.

i shrugged like it was nothing. "you told me to come when i was comfortable. i thought this was appropriate."

"i see you dressed appropriately too. nice legs," he said, making my face heat up. "goddamn, model genes really runs in your family. well i dont wanna keep you in the cold. lets go inside."

he guided me into his home, his hand on my lower back. i swear i couldnt breathe. he never touched me like this infront of the others. infront of her.

his house was dark except for the light in the living room and up the staircase. the sound of my miu miu boots on the marble made me realize how empty everything sounded.

"are you alone at home?" i asked, kind of excited for the answer.

"yeah, my folks left for something in singapore. you know how it is," he casually said, showing me into a room. "make yourself comfy."

it was his room. i dont know what i imagined, but seeing it, it was so jongho.

trophies for singing competitions, soccer, and some even for academics lined the walls around his massive bed. he had a large mirror directly opposite his bed and a balcony that overlooked the infinity pool in his backyard. i strolled around in admiration, turning around when i heard two loud pats.

jongho sat on his bed and was gesturing for me to do the same. the led lights in his room were red and so dim, making him look far more hot than he already was.

i reluctantly planted myself next to him, my heart rate going higher than a kite. jongho licked his lips and took a heavy breath as he prepared to speak. god he was so attractive, i hated how much i liked him. i left my home at two am just because he asked. fuck.

"thanks for coming to talk," he muttered, his voice deeper and hitting the perfect spot in my ear drums. "i know it was kinda a lot to ask."

i rolled my hair behind my ear and shrugged. "its no big deal. what did you wanna talk about?"

jongho moved closer, now he was so close i could feel the radiation of his body heat. oh god.

"i know ive been hard on you for coming into our friend group and everything. im really sorry for all the mean things i said."

the apology struck me, hitting the thoughts from my brain. that wasnt what i expected.

"i called you clingy and made yasmine think you were a loser," jongho sighed, shaking his head. "she doesnt believe that of course, but im really sorry. i know i can be mean sometimes but its just how i give affection. youre cool with that, right?"

i nodded thoughtlessly. i was just happy to have him talk to me.

"yea, thats fine. i get it. im not that sensitive dont worry," i forced a smile, knowing his insults hurt more than anything. but at least he was sorry. right?

"cool, cool." he smiled down at me. "i hope we can be good friends then, yae. can you do me a favour then?"

"what kind of favour?"

my mind was running wild right then. all the insane teenage hormones were overflowing. the close proximity and how handsome he was, the fact that my short skirt had such easy access. choi jongho was a hard guy to resist. and i was failing.

i didnt hear his words, i was so focused on his lips and the cute mole in his neck, i acted without thinking.

i leaned forward and pressed my lips to his, softly grabbing the side of his face. i couldnt believe what i was doing. for a second his warm mouth welcomed mine, taking it in fully. then, i felt coldness on my lips as he pulled away.

"what are you doing?" he scoffed, his eyes narrowed spitefully. my stomach shrunk.

"uh–i–" i stammered, only to be cut off.

"are you fucking kidding me right now? are you deaf?" he raised his voice. "did you not just hear me ask is yasmine if interested in anyone? why the fuck would you kiss me."

"im sorry–i–" i couldnt believe what i just did. what was wrong with me. he wanted to know about yasmine. not me. what the fuck. this was so awkward.

wait. so i read everything...wrong?

"shit," he cursed under his breath. "this is bad."

"is that why you called me here?" i asked, fearing the answer. "to find out if yasmine is interested in anyone?"

"obviously. why else are you useful?" he meanly answered. i felt an embarrassed pang in my chest. "did you think i liked you?"

the mocking laugh that fell from his lips after made me flinch. because how stupid was i to think he actually saw me differently now.

to think that someone like him could actually like someone like me.

"youre so fucking naive, yaera," he kept driving the knife in, shaking his head with that taunting smile. "just cause you look like your sister doesnt mean you should have the same confidence. youre setting yourself up."

i remembered the first day i sat with yasmine's friend group, jongho pointed out that even though we were twins, i wasnt nearly as attractive as yasmine. i laughed it off awkwardly because i thought he was joking.

"you know desperation is unattractive as fuck, right? i cant believe you drove here at two in the morning because you thought i liked you."

i was shivering in my skin, trying not to completely burst into tears. my entire body was flushing hot with anger and spite, and the most embarrassing of all–heartbreak. because deep down i knew he would never get over my sister. it made me insane.

why did everyone fucking act like i wasnt worthy of being liked just like everyone else? but as soon as they saw the scars on my arms they wanted to tell me the same bullshit.

youre loved, yaera.

stop hurting yourself, yaera.

stop using this for attention, yaera.

i couldnt bear to stay a second longer. i wiped the wetness of my cheeks and got up from the bed, immediately going to leave. jongho got up and tugged at my wrist, pulling me back to him.

"you havent told me about your sister yet," jongho said, making my rage spike. because who the fuck did he think he was. "cmon, dont cry because of silly shit like that. its water under the bridge."

"i hate you," i seethed through my tears. "i dont know why yasmine is friends with someone like you in the first place."

"because shes like me," jongho taunted. "and thats what you refuse to see. you dont realize how much of a burden you are to her. you dont realize the only reason she hasnt ditched you yet is because youre related to her."

okay, so he was continuing then?

"you always act like youre so perfect," i spat. "you talk about how much of a burden i am? imagine how much of a burden you are to yasmine because you keep trying to date her. shes never gonna like you. you're just another guy friend in her collection, cunt."

i ripped my arm from his grip and stormed out of his room. he followed me till i reached the bottom of the staircase, where he just watched me spitefully from the railing. now he was angry? of course. pieces of shit like jongho were great at dishing it out and not taking it back.

i felt so petty. he could have rejected me normally but he thought he could say whatever he wanted to me. tearing the little self esteem i had down was fun for him.

i turned around and smiled. "you really wanna know what yasmine thinks of you? she doesnt. in fact, she snuck out of the house to meet someone. shes probably getting fucked as we speak. enjoy that mental image, fucker."

"get the fuck out of my house!"

***

YAERA

an hour has passed since san left me in his apartment. im worried and have a weird feeling in my stomach just imagining what he's doing right now.

despite the anger i feel toward him, i hope he's safe. that's all I hope for. he's hurt badly, looking more damaged than when he fought the last time. he definetely has open wounds. so i look around for any first aid. he's gonna need it for when he comes back.

i rummage through his cabinets. there's so much empty spaces but its filled with random stuff. this guy needs to go shopping. he has so much expired medicine. i find a thin roll of bandages and plasters in the very back of a cupboard but when i take them out, something falls on the ground.

its a folded up piece of paper. when i pick it up, i realize its actually a crumbled up picture. a picture of a family.

my stomach immediately sinks.

a young asian lady and her husband are holding their toddler son. it looks like theyre at a carnival. everyone is smiling, except for the kid. hes pouting.

he was so cute as a baby.

a weird feeling of melancholy hits me hard realizing the people in this picture are no longer around.

san lives alone. apparently hes been alone for a long time. i can tell by the way he operates. hes selfish, not even in a bad way. i get why he caters for himself and tries to keep away from others.

im not even angry anymore. it just makes me sad.

i put the picture back where i found it and go sit by the bed. san doesnt have any alcohol in his house, so i end up having to look up the nearest pharmacy.

i make a quick run for it, deciding to buy him some more medicine and fill up my asthma pump while im at it. i dont know why im doing this when he probably hates me. i guess im always gonna be a sucker for the men i like.

when i get back, his door is unlocked. i panic, but then i find him and his friend eyeing me like they want to kill me.

"where were you?!" san asks me, raising his voice. "dont walk around here. you know this isnt the suburbs."

i lift the pharmacy bag. "i was just getting you medicine. i threw out your expired packs. which were all of them, by the way."

he has a lost look on his face. i turn to his "cousin" and hold my hand out. "the name's yaera marino, san's fake girlfriend. good to officially meet you."

"im wooyoung. san's fake cousin," he says, taking my hand with reluctance.

"are you sleeping here tonight?" i ask him.

"yes he is," san answers. "we're sharing a mattress. you can still sleep on my bed."

i feel a pang of jealously. goddamn it that should be me.

i nod to san. "go take a shower. im gonna give you first aid."

san is confused, looking at me like he doesnt understand english. "you know how to do first aid?"

"i learned it when i was still doing karate. go shower." i chase him away with my hand.

san awkwardly goes off, leaving me alone with wooyoung. i quietly take in the boy, who now that i can see clearly, is obviously younger than san. i cant believe hes in the gang too.

"what took you so long?" i ask him, frowning. "i was worried."

"we had to get rid of the license plate," wooyoung answers, his tone curt and cold. "and you were worried? dont make me laugh."

his words are sharp and sound spiteful. im guessing he knows how san and i began this partnership. i hold my tongue and let him snap.

"you dont care about san. youre using him," he says, but still quiet enough so that san doesnt overhear. "i just want you to know, i can make you disappear at any time i want. all i need is the greenlight from san and you'll be scattered across a lake."

"you think that will protect him?" i ask with a wry smile. wooyoung's fist clenches on the side of him, his knuckles bloody and bruised.

"what makes you think i dont have a million copies of that video? that i dont have a plan in case one of you hurt me? im not some dumb bitch."

wooyoung shakes his head and laughs scornfully. what did he expect me to say? shiver me timbers? i literally know he shot someone tonight.

"and here san thinks you wouldnt hurt him. i dont care what kind of plan you have. if you hurt san, i'll fucking kill you myself," he threatens.

i wouldnt ever hurt him. not even in my dreams. unless he hurts me first, then fuck him.

"trust me, i wont be an issue," i say nonchalantly, sitting on the bed. i lean back and feel a pain in the spot where san kicked me. right above my boobs.

"i just need enough money by the end of the school year. then i'll go back to my country and disappear from your lives forever."

"do you know how much of a risk this is? what san is letting you do?" wooyoung scoffs. "thats if you even make it to the end of the year. if anyone finds out about this, youre both fucked."

"no ones gonna find out unless you tell them," i eye him sharply. i dont trust this guy but apparently san does, enough to tell him about our parternship.

"san has a hard life already. you should just get out of his life," wooyoung snaps. "if you knew why he was in the gang, you'd never ask him to do what youre doing now."

his words somehow make me feel guilty. but why? why should i feel guilty when san doesnt even tell me whats going on.

"woo."

wooyoung's demeanor changes when he hears san's voice. he immediately stiffens and acts completely clueless.

my breath gets stuck in my throat. san is standing there in nothing but a white tank top and a striped red pyjamma pants. his muscles and skinny waist are on perfect display. my mouth suddenly goes dry.

no. fuck. yaera, focus.

"what are you doing?" san asks like hes talking to a kid. i find it highly amusing but keep my face blank.

"i was just defending you," wooyoung says with a scowl.

"im not in any danger. like i told you."

"yeah but–"

"jung wooyoung."

wooyoung groans at san's warning and shoots me a hard glare telling me this conversation isnt close to over. he storms into san's extra room and shuts the door, probably thinking the worst of the situation.

i cant lie, despite his intimidating and handsome appearance, i cant take him seriously at all. i find it endearing that he cares so much about san that he even threatened me. so san isnt alone after all.

he looks at me and sighs, his face adorably awkward. the black strands of his hair are wavy against his forehead, making him look so soft despite the bruises and cuts on his face.

its embarrassing how quickly i forgot how badly i wanted to hurt him today.

"sorry about wooyoung," he says and comes to sits down on the bed. "hes just...possessive."

"you mean protective," i correct him and smile. "its good that you have someone looking out for you. you need it."

san goes quiet but is looking at me like he has a lot on his mind. right, he had to get someone killed tonight. how could i forget.

i take out the first aid materials and scoot closer to him. the warmth of his body is already wafting towards me, the scent of the soap so potent on his skin. its an intoxicating smell.

"can i see where you got hurt?" my voice is so hesitant it doesnt even sound like me.

san is slow with lifting his top. i refrain from visibly gulping at the sight of his beautiful lower body, my mouth going dry when i notice the large gashes against his ribs. they cut him with a knife.

"why would you put on a white shirt to bed?" i ask him with a scowl.

"the bleeding stopped in the shower," san shrugs embarrassedly. "plus this was all i could find."

i inspect the wound and it looks like he cleaned a whole lot of it in the shower. "it looks like i just have to put ointment on and wrap you. you need to go to the doctor if it gets infected, you know that right?"

"i dont think that will be necessary. ive never needed to before," san says coolly.

i cant believe hes just brushing this off. "how often do you get injured like this?" i ask him as i dip a finger into the antibiotic cream. i gently run it over his gashes and he winces. .

"now and then," he forces out, as if trying to hide that it hurts. "it wouldnt really matter the extent. i'd still have to go to school."

i roll my eyes. of course. the perfect student.

i rub in the ointment and it feels like my cheeks are on fire. ive never been this close to anyone. ive never done this for anyone. my hands are shaking as i reach for the sterile bandage.

"are we ever going to talk about what happened tonight?" i ask quietly. "because i dont want us to forget."

san is staring through my soul with his intimidating, and pretty brown eyes. i can see him withdrawing. hes already far away.

"i know i was reckless and im sorry. but please dont lie to me, san. i really fucking hate not knowing whats going on. i know you were probably trying to protect me, but you could have been honest."

i expect him to say sorry too. but only silence is returned.

"i wont lie to you again. ive seen the effects it has," he mutters.

"i dont want our partnership to be us just lying to and antagonizing each other. i know you dont trust me. but we're gonna have to trust each other for this shit to work."

"i do trust you," san says after a few moments pass. he tightens as i roll the bandage around his torso. "i just dont trust myself. and everyone else."

i stay quiet hoping for him to elaborate. i feel it coming. the hope is bubbling in my chest.

"i watched yunho die," his voice is flat, as if drained from emotion. "he got stabbed right infront of wooyoung and i. we should be used to it, we've seen tons of people come and go in the last four years."

i finish bandaging him and lower his shirt reluctantly. san watches my every move, and im surprised he lets me.

"im sorry you had to go through that so young," i tell him, genuinely. the look on his face is so distant that it feels like hes given up a long time ago.

"is this is how its gonna be? forever?" i ask. "is there any way out of this for you?"

i remember san implying that he wasnt doing this out of his freewill. which means his boss must have a lot of leverage over him.

"i dont know. im still trying to figure that out."

"what do they have on you?"

san chuckles darkly, his soft laugh full of scorn and hopelessness. "well, they know where i live, for starters. they know where i go to school. they know everything about me."

and his parents? where the fuck are your parents san?

he can see the question in my eyes. his smile is filled with gloom. "you can thank my dad for that. hes the reason all of this started. the reason ive been in this servitude for most of my childhood."

i frown. "servitude?"

"my dad...he was a shit guy," san sighs. "he was an alcoholic gangster with gambling tendencies. he made a bet with the 105ths he couldnt repay. so he took off. and when they couldnt make him pay it off, they took me instead."

"im paying off hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt, thanks to my shit father. and i dont have any money so i had to give all i could so they dont kill me. myself."

i cant believe it. san is basically in a slave contract. and theres nothing he can do about it. my chest feels tight.

"what about your mom?" i ask softly. 

san shrugs and lays down on the bed, looking straight at the ceiling as he crosses his arms behind his head.

"shes gone. she left when the gang stuff got too complicated. they sent a warning to our apartment telling my dad to pay his debt, in the form of a petrol bomb. it scared the shit out of her, so she took off."

"without you!?" i ask incredulously.

"while i was at school. i just got used to it. coming home to nothing."

what kind of parents...fuck. i cant even say anything. im just fucking sad. i feel a hundred times worse about blackmailing him now.

"the 105ths said they would let me go if i paid off everything. theyre still letting me go to school as long as i dont neglect the gang."

"what if you ran away?" i ask curiously. san stares at me blankly.

"they would find me and do to me what they did to yunho. or even worse. its not worth it really. im just hoping it ends soon. then ill disappear. for good."

and now im dampening his plans by making him share his money with me. god i hate myself.

"how much do you owe?"

"i dont know. i just know the deal ends when miss A calls it off. she deems how much is enough."

i scowl. "what? and what if it never gets called off? what if they trap you here?"

"im hoping it wont come to that. ive been loyal for a long time."

that doesnt mean shit when people only love using you. but i dont say that. it already means so much that san decided to say something. to be honest. i cant lie and act like im okay after hearing the truth. but i wont pity him. san deserves better than that.

"ill help you," i look down at him fiercely. "ill help you cancel out your dads debt."

san looks at me deeply. "thats not necessary."

i hold out a hand. "dont even say it. get a fixed amount from your boss and ill help you get it."

"why would you do that?"

my stomach turns at the question. i dont even know. i cant say its because of the mild lady boner i have for him. its more than that. choi san deserves more than what happened to him.

"its only fair, isnt it?" i say with a small smile. "i get to go back home and you get to go to...where was it? nottingham?"

he wants to study pharmacy. i wonder if he meant that.

sans cheeks are red. is he...blushing?

"why do you remember that?" he asks with a soft groan.

i chuckle to myself. "cause its weird as fuck. england? what the hell do you wanna do in england? seriously if you want to go to europe there are so many better places. why nottingham?"

san shrugs embarrassedly. "i like football."

"you? like football?" i scoff. "that's the reason you wanna live in england?"

"why do you sound so shocked? can't i like football?" he asks defensively.

"you don't even look like you've watched soccer a day in your life. i'd never guess that you'd like an english team."

san snorts and laughs to himself a little. my legs go jelly a little. i keep underestimating how adorable he can be.

"my mother is a huge soccer fan," he admits fondly. my smile is quick to fall away. "once we went to watch her favourite team play in nottingham. she was so excited about it, she got me interested in it."

i feel myself soften. "so you want to go for your mother? is she going to move with you?"

"no," he sighs. i must be shit at connecting the dots because i still dont get it.

"she's in Korea. i can't go back there. i had to give up my Korean citizenship this year because I'm not enlisting."

"so you'll never see her again?"

my question hangs in the air. san doesnt answer it, because even he doesnt know. he still has hope. i can tell. he just doesnt know if its still worth holding onto.

everything has gotten deep so fast.

"maybe we should go to bed. we still have school tomorrow," i say and lie down next to him. theres a small gap between us that i know neither of us will close. but it feels good to hope.

san tries to get up but groans as he holds his injured side. i push him down gently by the shoulder, his eyes slightly widening.

"youre too tired to get up anyway," i say softly. "just stay here. i promise i wont bite."

unless you want me to.

san looks at me awkwardly and nods, lying back down on his back. his eyes are aimed at the ceiling and i pull my knees inward as i lay on my side looking at him.

everything about him is so...i dont even have the words to explain it. i just have a feeling that everything will work out for us exactly the way we want it to.

"thank you," i say. san slowly turns his head and raises his eyebrows at me in confusion.

"for being honest. i know you didnt wanna mention all that. but thanks."

san doesnt say anything more. theres a  ghost of a smile on his face, but its enough for me to hold onto. choi san, maybe youre not actually that much of an asshole.

"goodnight, yaera."

***

san

i thought i imagined it. having her curled up in my arms. i felt it that night, her warm skin against mine and her soft breaths and hair on my chest. i told myself i was imagining it. because the morning after, she was gone.

yaera vanished like thin air. i feel embarrassed for everything that came out of my mouth last night. i cant believe i actually told her what happened to my family.

are you that desperate for friends? i ask the loser in the mirror as i get ready for school. the bruises in my face are so bad it looks like im going to have to wear a mask all day.

wooyoung comes out of the spare room as im almost finished with breakfast. he doesnt greet me with a good morning, instead he looks around expectantly.

"wheres the blackmailer?" he asks sarcastically. "is she also a magician?"

"her parents drop her at school so she left," i answer dryly. "morning to you too, asshole."

wooyoung gives me a bland stare. "you didnt come to bed last night."

"sorry? are we married?"

"what the fuck are you doing san?" wooyoung shouts at me. oh god are we really doing this at six in the morning.  "do you actually like this chick or what?"

"where did you get that idea?" i ask him calmly, knowing it will rile him up even more.

"maybe the fact that you slept in the same bed. youre letting her blackmail you for fucks sake–"

"wooyoung, we both passed out. with clothes on. and didnt i ask you to fucking trust me?" i glare at him. because why is he acting like my wife.

"i dont like this one bit." he shakes his head like a disapproving parent.

"you dont have to like it. all you have to do is let me do the work."

i feel my phone buzz in my pockets. i open it and see a missed call from yeosang. ugh this loser.

i open a message from him and its a birthday invitation. oh shit i almost forgot.

"woo, wanna come with me to a party?" i ask him. maybe he'll be less annoying if he can get the attention of some private school girl too.

"is it gonna be one of those fancy private school prick parties?" woo scowls, then smiles. "free food. im in."

"not to mention you could probably sell some stuff from there."

woo suddenly gets a burst if excitement. "that reminds me, i stole from that black dragon dickhead. we still have to split up the cash."

now that hes reminded me, i move to punch woo in the arm. "owwww!" he yells and shoves me. "what the fuck!"

"youre worried about me getting blackmailed when you possibly started a gang war," i snap at him. "when are you gonna tell miss A?"

"i dont plan to," woo says confidently. my face pales. no way.

"are you serious?" i ask worriedly. woo nods confidently. too confident who saw one of our own get mutilated last night.

"since im keeping your secret, you better keep mine."

thats entirely different, i want to say. i wanna argue with woo but the annoyingly playful nature on his face tells me hes not going to take me seriously at all.

"you know what they say," woo says with a grin. "out of sight, out of mind."

***

yaera

"youre in a good mood," my father notes as we get in the car that morning. and hes right. i cant take the smile off my face because i woke up on choi san's chest.

"i have a good feeling about this week," i say. my mom snorts, her eyes glued to her phone.

"and what brought on this feeling?"

its weird that my father is asking, because he genuinely never seems interested in anything i do. but since we're on the topic...

"miss evans got me a tutor. i invited him to come over after school today, is that okay?" i ask them. my mother immediately turns around with the signature sneer on her face.

"and who is miss evans to assign you a tutor? does she plan to pay for this?" she asks.

"uh? my AP bio teacher? you met her the beginning of the year?" i remind her. "and no, im paying out of my own pocket."

"good," she dryly says. "in that case its fine. the maids will all be home. as long as hes gone by dinner."

i quietly fistbump myself in the backseat, my stomach filled with butterflies. san, in my room, teaching me stuff i dont care about at all. what a dream come true.

best part is? he wont have to meet this family at all.

im skipping out of the car by the time they drop me off at school. i light up a cigarette as i stroll through the parking lot, feeling like a girl from some book who just landed a date with her crush. maybe life is worth living.

"marino!" a voice calls me. i pause in my tracks as i blow out my steam, turning around slowly to see...

...ah fuck.

"hey marino!" kang yeosang calls me with his signature douchebag smirk as he walks up to me. "long time no see."

i take an extra long drag from my cig because god it is needed for any conversation with yeosang.

"what do you want?" i ask him. he acts surprised and offended.

"wow, is that how you greet an old friend?" he shakes his head with a sigh. "kinda mean you know?"

i roll my eyes. "get to what it is you want, you know you and i have never been friends."

yeonsang clicks his tongue, his half smile not even shrunken by an inch. "always the pleasantries with you, marino. i just wanted to know if youve seen lazarus. since i hear you two come as a package nowadays. congrats by the way. you two totally look good together."

"lazarus?" i repeat dumbly. "who the fuck is that?"

"choi san," yeosang giggles like its the funniest thing ever.

"why do you call him lazarus?"

yeosang tilts his head at me like its obvious. "cause hes a scholarship student? hello?"

this fucking asshole. i toss my cigarette at him and he dodges fast enough to my dismay.

"dont call him that," i hiss. "plus why do you want to see him?"

"thats between us men, sweetheart," he says as a matter of fact. "just let him know when you see him, to give me a call. he doesnt answer my messages."

"maybe you should take the hint then."

yeosang looks at me with strange fascination, as if hes high in this very moment. its like he finds me amusing, hes just always giving me that stupid lopsided smile.

"i wonder how it happened, the two of you," he says with a glint of mischief. as if he cant wait to say something offensive. "its just funny how your type went from jongho...to him."

heat hits my face in embarassment. "jongho isnt the only guy ive had a crush on you know, you can stop bringing him up for every fucking thing. we never even dated," i say defensively.

this is why i hate talking to anyone my sister was friends with. all they could talk about was the past. not to mention most of the people she liked were fucking horrible.

"you never dated, but you were in love with him," yeosang childishly points out. "and even if he wont admit it, he probably felt something for you too."

i scoff. no he didnt. choi jongho doesnt love anyone but himself. id learnt that too late.

"i dont care," i grit out. "why are you even bringing this up?"

"yas would have wanted you to be with jongho. especially because he couldnt have her," yeosang just keeps boiling my blood. i cant believe this. i cant believe he just said that.

"i dunno how she would feel seeing you with...lazarus."

"shut the fuck up," i snap.

yeosang lifts his hands in defense. "im just saying because i care, yae. you cant just date someone you dont know. choi san might not be the sweet guy you think he is."

what is he even playing at? does he think san will sell him drugs if he goes around badmouthing him?

"and youre sweet?" i scoff. "you and jongho and whoever else was in that fucked up group? you think you can talk because you knew my sister? dont act like you ever cared about me."

"god youre so sensitive," yeosang laughs meanly. "i was just playing with you. and you wonder why you never got invited to our parties. youre just the strawman of fun arent you?"

"that doesnt make any fucking sense," i snap at him. "i can never get back the time i wasted having this conversation. mind your business and leave me alone, yeah, stronzo? and dont mention san to me ever again."

"dont forget to let him know i was looking for him!" yeosang calls after me as i storm off. i dont even need to turn around to know hes smiling, completely full of himself.

***

i only see san when lunch rolls around. all our common classes are later in the day and ive been obsessively waiting to see him all day. ive got a busy day ahead, my mind set on a very specific target.

i find him by the abandoned stairwell, and its like hes been waiting for me.

he shakes his head at me as i come, i narrow my eyes in confusion.

"am i missing something?" i ask him. "whats with the face?"

"why dont you check your phone?" san grumbles at me. his eyes trail behind me, where i turn to see jongho descending the stairs.

hes smiling like a prick. oh god. two assholes in one day.

"i guess the two of you dont learn," he says tauntingly. "this isnt a place for your dates."

"we havent done anything wrong," san says annoyedly. im glad he finds jongho as annoying as i do.

"maybe not you. but her," jongho turns to me with a smile. "i see your hair still isnt dyed back. you were given two warnings. one more and its suspension. i dont think your failing grades can afford two weeks out."

looking at him now, i dont know what i ever saw in him. im so embarrassed to say ive been rejected by this asshole like a hundred times.

i cant risk detention today. it would spoil mine and san's plans and would just be boring as hell. i guess im going to have to cave.

jongho smirks dreadfully. "why you so quiet, yae? didnt i tell you'd get you back?"

"look, im sorry okay," i say against my will. "i didnt mean to punch you. and ill have my hair dyed by tomorrow. good enough for you?"

san looks between us in confusion. i hope he doesnt ask any questions. if he thinks im crazy now he shouldnt ever hear of jongho-obsessed yaera.

"not good enough, sorry," jongho starts writing on that stupid peach notepad and i sigh. this time he only writes my name. meaning ill have detention without san. miss morri will love this.

"maybe next time you'll watch your mouth," jongho smiles at us before strollling away like the arrogant pig he is. i sigh heavily as san turns to me with narrowed eyes.

"why does he hate you so much?" san asks me annoyedly. "he just came here asking specifically. what did you do?"

"why are you assuming i did something?" i scowl. san gives me an obvious look.

"why else would he hate you that much?"

"because hes an asshole," i scoff. "i might be one too, but im nothing like him. my sister never reciprocated his love and he made it everyone elses problem. he also told me i should have died instead of her."

"what the fuck. he needs help."

"most people at this school do," i sigh. "speaking of help, i need yours."

san gives me his suspicious, pretty eyes. i smile excitedly. "im letting you into my side hustle. you remember how i told you i got my savings?"

"you said you stole most of it..."

"bingo."

san groans. "i hope you dont expect me to help you steal a car or something."

i roll my eyes. he must think im an adrenaline junkie or something. "dont be ridiculous. all i need is a look out before school ends. you think you can do that?"

san sighs hopelessly, surrendering. "what do you need?"

"get me into the boys lockeroom."

"...what are you doing there?"

"if i tell you it wont be special, would it?" i say and he scowls.

"dont do anything stupid. what about detention? are you going?"

i smirk. "obviously not. you still owe me a tutoring session."

san nods in a way that tells me he definetely forgot. how shameless.

"luckily for you, my parents allowed you to come over. and they wont be home till night and i'll make sure youre out of sight before then."

san nods. "just tell me what to bring."

the day goes by quickly until the last period finally rolls around. its geography, and as much as i love this subject, i end up skipping. san is having english and i couldnt convince him to skip, so i wait for him after school near the sportsfield.

the school soccer team are practicing, meaning all the lockerooms are unoccupied. its perfect.

i didnt usually target them, but the plan felt brilliant when i thought of it. usually i went for the girls, they were easy. expensive phone cases, airpods, clothes, and luxury perfume. all things that sold so easily online. people would do anything for a bargain.

can you imagine how much soccer gear would sell? i know damn well not every one of those players were using ALL of their gear.

plus, i need to get back at that asshole jongho. i didnt know his number so i'd just have to look around and guess whose locker smells the most potent and obnoxious.

san comes jogging around the bend, looking so prim and proper in his school blazer. i smirk in greeting. "you ready for some fun?" i ask him.

"i hope this doesnt take long, you know we have to catch the bus if we're going to your house," he reminds me.

i managed to convince my parents i was taking the bus with him home so they didnt have to pick us up. they called the school and made sure san wasnt a trouble maker and questioned his records. you know, a completely normal response.

"dont worry. i'll be in and out, lets go."

i take san's arm and we sneak into the separate building reserved for the boys lockerrooms. of course it smells like stale air, cologne and dampness.

i walk past the lockers and gaze at the numbers and locks. i check my watch. practice ends at 4:30 pm. its currently 4:00.

i nod to san and gesture with my eyes to the door. "guard while i get busy." i take various pins out of my pocket, having brought them specifically for this purpose.

"how are you gonna get those lockers open?" san asks me. i bend down infront of the first locker and start fiddling with my pins.

"lock-picking," i answer distractedly.

"you know how to pick locks?" san says in disbelief.

"you dont?"

"no. im not a weirdo."

"youre such a lousy gangster. arent you supposed to be street smart?"

"im not a gangster," san corrects me with an eye roll. hes feeling sassy today. "im a part time employee."

i cant take him seriously and end up chuckling. the locker clicks open and i find only a folded uniform on the inside. i rummage through the pockets and find a wallet. i open it and theres no cash, only cards. useless because as soon as its found to be missing they'll all be blocked.

i sigh and check deeper. i find a silver watch. its an omega brand. jackpot.

i slip it into my pocket and fold the uniform back. they should really secure these lockers better.

"are you getting somewhere?" san asks as he nervously looks out the door.

"of course," i say with ease and move onto the next locker. its slightly harder to open. i remember a specific scenario like this coming up in the youtube tutorial i watched. all i have to do is whatever that guy did.

it takes longer than i thought. when it pops open i can see san's distressed eyes glaring at me to hurry up.

and thats when i see it. the treasure guaranteed to win us a mini lottery.

"holy shit, look at this baby," i gasp and take out the camera, showing it to san.

"who leaves a camera in their gym locker?" san scowls. "that person deserves to get robbed."

"its expensive too!" i giggle in excitement. "its a Lumix GH5! you know the price of this? we're gonna be fucking rich!"

"who does it belong to?"

i shrug and look back inside the locker. there isnt much except the camera and a few pairs of gym socks and knee pads. "i guess we'll figure it out when we look at it."

i slam the locker shut and we're about to leave when san suddenly shoves me back. i stare at him in confusion as he runs out and i hear voices on the outside.

"what are you doing here?" someone asks him suspiciously. oh god. i recognize that voice. jongho.

"i...was looking for you," san says, and i can tell hes fighting for his life thinking of a good lie. "are there still spots left on the team?"

jongho scoffs. "youre kidding, right?"

theres an awkward silence. oh fuck i need to save him from himself.

"stick to the books, choi san. at least you dont embarrass yourself there."

"no im serious...i wanna join your team. is there anywhere to sign up?"

jongho groans. "im team captain, you have to go with me to the coach for this."

"lets go now then."

"i need to get something from my locker."

"uh...im in a hurry. can we just go now? i cant miss my bus home."

hes trying to get jongho away so i can sneak out. theyre right at the door. ive never held my breath so long.

"ugh! fine! couldnt you have asked earlier?" jongho snaps. "im guessing you need soccer for a sports scholarship too, huh? you wont get into any schools if you suck ass by the way."

i can just picture san's clenched jaw as he holds himself together around jongho. i hear their voices fade and steps grow further away. i stuff the camera and watch into my bag and sprint out and make my way around the school buildings. now i can jump the fence on the other side of the field.

i call san instantly when im alone, looking around for any security. he picks up on the first ring. "hey, im at the fence we jumped after detention. the bus stop is somewhere nearby here."

"okay okay mom, I'll be home right now," san says into the phone and im guessing hes making an excuse to get away from jongho now.

its funny how everything plays out. san gets to me within a few minutes and his face is red with stress. i hold my laugh in.

"next time YOU be the lookout," he says with a scowl and it makes me burst out into laughter.

"i thought you could lie better than that!" i nearly double over from chuckles. "you shouldve heard yourself. seriously youre a criminal and thats how you lie?"

"oh shut it. he wouldve seen you!"

san's angry face is really so adorable. he expects me to take him seriously like this?

"you should have hit him over the head instead," i sigh. "we couldve made him believe everything was a dream."

we jump the fence and end up catching the bus somewhere near my neighbourhood. the entire bus is empty, and san is on the verge of falling asleep, leaning his head against the window. im severely bored and decide to take the camera out to inspect the specs.

its such a good camera. i dont know a lot about cameras but i know by the brand its quality. i wonder which soccer guy has this hobby. maybe he wants to be a professional photographer.

i open the existing pictures and find random pictures of cars, birds, sunsets, and aesthetic places around the school. theres a folder named "her", so i click on it hoping to see something different.

...pictures of me.

thousands of them.

i feel my face pale, which is wrong on so many levels because im brown as fuck. the first few pictures are of me with a cigarette, smoking on and off campus. theyre from a year ago based on my hair colour. the other pictures are dated from two years ago and theyre filled with me in my school uniform.

the point of view is the part that leaves me cold in my bones. from above, places that cant easily be spotted. random corners capturing me sitting on my phone, bending over...looking around...

thats until i realize the lavender scrunchie in my hair. and the lack of bangs.

these arent just pictures of me. in fact, most of them are my sister.

next chapter

[kkusuka]

Unsupervised

Dabi/ Touya Todoroki x Fem reader

Genre: Smut

Synopsis: You haven’t seen Dabi in a year and he seems to miss you a whole bunch.

words: 1.9k

Cw: minor manga spoilers, slight degrading, overuse of the word doll, you get walked-in on and I'm sure there's a word for that I just can't think of, voyeurism

The threat of being arrested loomed over your boyfriend's head since becoming a villain. Apparently, the fear of never being free again was stomped out by his ambition to overthrow his father.

So when he was captured during an ambush, you felt your heartbreak for him. No matter what had happened in his childhood, life in prison was the only outcome you could think would happen.

Your heart shattered when you were proven right.

You haven't seen Dabi in a year, he was constantly being transferred into higher security prisons. Not to mention the times you tried to visit but he was placed in solitary right before, his bad habit of getting into fights finally caught up to him.

The time made you think about all the nights you spent laying under the stars talking about your future, a peaceful life, maybe a family. Or all the evenings you would dance around your living room in that shitty apartment as a soft waltz plays from the speaker. You’ll never get the chance to have a nice wedding or that baby girl, he would treat so well-

“Um, Y/n? You’ve been cleared to enter.”

Shooting your head up at the mention of your name you take notice of the guard holding the door to the visitation rooms open. You could feel his eyes on you as you placed the fashion magazine back into its place, before grabbing your small purse and walking over to the man.

He led you down a monotonous hallway bringing you to a stop before door number 12.

As he went to open the door he asked once more if you had anything in your purse that could aid in an escape of a high-class prisoner, you're sure the reminder of just who your boyfriend is was a dig at you. But you couldn't even care about that.

He warned you one last time before opening the door and stepping in, taking a second to stand there when a deep familiar voice rang out from the depth of the room,

“Dude, no offense but I was getting in the mood to see my girl, and seeing you really turned me off, where is she anyway?”  you rushed to step in immediately noticing the taunting smirk on his scarred face, “ah! There she is! How are ya Doll?”

Unable to hide your overwhelming rush of emotions, you almost ran towards the man, who promptly stood, letting you wrap your arms firmly around his waist. He maneuvered his still cuffed wrists over your head, pressing you into his body.

Slightly swaying your bodies, he lifted his head towards the guard, who was stationed in the corner by the door ( observation, a skill you picked up from one of Dabi’s impromptu survival lessons) raising his hands, “Man couldn't you undo these one time? They're ruining our reunion.”

You let out a soft, wet laugh at the humor that you missed so much, letting a sniffle out as he stuffed his cheek into your hair, eyes still burning into the guard.

“You know we can’t Mr. Todoroki, it’s against policy for high-class profiles”  You could tell this guy did not like you or your boyfriend and wanted to make sure you knew it.

At the excuse, Dabi let out a loud groan and spun you to sit on the couch adjacent to the chair he plopped himself onto. Settling from across from him you finally got to take a look at him, the look was reciprocated as he stared back at you.

He wasn't as skinny as you expected, that meant he was eating well, or as well as he could in this situation. His skin looked less blistered, definitely from the lack of quirk use. The staples on his hands were replaced with actual stitches and seemed to be healing.

But most notably was the white roots poking out of his dyed locks, something you would never see. He would dye his roots the second his natural color peaked through. It was almost like looking at a different person.

But his eyes, the slight upturn of his lips as he smirked back at you, and the deep chuckle when he noticed your stare. All telltale signs he was the same man you knew, and loved, for the last six years of your life.

“Whatcha lookin’ at doll?”

You couldn't help but let out a smile at the nickname, “Your hair, and your eyes, and your arms, and your, your everything. I can't believe it’s really you” Yu tried to laugh the last phrase out but your soft sobs got in the way.

He gave you a smile and held his arms out, making small ‘grabby hands’ at you, motioning you to come back into his arms.

“Well you didn't come all this way to just look at me, and, dude can’t you just take ‘em off for a minute. These things are totally ruining our moment”

Before the man could answer an intercom blared into the room a fight had broken out in the main corridor and they needed all guards in the area. Meaning he had to leave, at least for a few minutes.

He shot the both of you a look, reaching to grab his keys from his belt, opening the door, “I will be right back, I’m locking the door, the cuffs are staying on. The door will be locked until I come back, no funny business. Am I understood?”

You gave the man a curt nod as he shut the dock, as the lock clicked in place you were thrown onto the couch, your coat and purse threw to the floor. Dabi was looming over you in seconds, pulling his arms apart snapping the chain of his handcuffs.

“H-hey! What-”

“Doll, I haven't gotten off in a year and all of a sudden you show up and we were handed a golden opportunity I will not waste”  he growled as he slipped your top off.

Reaching behind you he unhooked your bra, throwing it into some corner of the room, something he’ll probably manage to sneak back into his cell with. He kneeled in between your legs leaning to take a nipple into his mouth, rolling the other, maintaining eye contact.

“Fuck I missed these, my head doesn’t give you credit, mouse” you missed this, you missed his voice, you missed the way he bit your neck as a hand reached down to maneuver your shorts down your legs.

He lifted his head, admiring the marks he left on your neck, pushing you to sit against the armrest. Then pulling your thighs to his shoulders pressing his face into your dripping core. Giving it a small lick and a guttural rumble from his throat. “Oh, baby you shaved just for me? Now I've got to give you a taste. And you’re just as wet as I remember”

Attaching his lips to your clit, giving it a suck, you followed his command of playing with your hard nipples aiding in the build of your orgasm. Reaching a hand to hand onto his colored locks, pulling him closer to you while tightening your thighs around his head. His chuckle sent shivers to your core, adding to the wetness.

His tongue was shoved deeper into your cunt as you clench around him, riding through your orgasm. Letting you fall onto the couch, painting as he released his cock from his boxers

“You know what to do Doll, get in position.”

You couldn't forget how he wanted you if you tried. It's been buried, fucked really, into you. You're sure you would have pulled your knees to your chest, opening yourself completely, presenting yourself to him, as he fucked you.

He laughed at your submissiveness, “I’ve trained you that well? All this time and you're still my cockwhore! Say it, tell me I was a bitch in heat you are for me.”

Instead of letting you answer he fully sheathed himself in your heat, his hips flushing against yours.

“I’m not hearing you talk Doll! ‘Cmon you’ve said it before, tell me how much you love my dick in your pussy.” he accompanied each word with a roll of his hips, brushing into your clit. Bringing a hand up to roll your nipple.

“I-i’m a whore for you cock, I’m a-a well-trained bitch in heat”  

“Hah! Yes, you are, my bitch in heat!”

He was pounding you into the couch, thrusting with his entire body weight straight into your cervix. Your mind was a mess of his soft growls and the finger rubbing circles around your throbbing clit. Only knowing the feeling of his cock re-carving his way into your cunt.

Mid-thrust the door swung open and you could make out the face of the shocked guard frozen in the doorway. Dabi shot a glare over his shoulder at the intruder before letting out a mocking laugh as he slowed his hip, eliciting a whine from you.

In a second, Dabi fell back, dropping you onto his cock, facing the shocked guard, who was opening his mouth attempting to speak.

“Dude, don't just stand there,” Dabi mocked snapping the guard out of whatever trance he was in, he opted to step in and shut the door going back into his former stance, “ha! Give him a show doll!”

He helped you start off by picking up your hips and dropping you back onto his cock, settling you into a steady rhythm. When you try to hang your head and look into Dabi’s burning eyes, he seems to have other ideas.  

He placed his hand under your chin and pushed your face to meet the eyes of your observer, “Not at me baby, give ‘em a show, it's what he stayed for afterall” keeping with your rhythm his other hand flew down to your clit, fondling with it, laughing when you let out a gasp of his name.

You felt eyes fall onto your bouncing breasts, taking Dabi’s words too great you reached a hand to play with your pebbles nipples, letting out a pornstar worth moan, and Dabi let out a fake moan to pair with yours.

As you felt the coil in your core begin to grow, you lost your pace opting to let Dabi bounce you on his cock until he took mercy and flipped you over, throwing a leg over his shoulder.

Sensing you were close Dabi aimed for the spot in your depths, “Please, gonna cum, Please, please!” the coil was getting tighter and your cunt was squeezing him.

“Go, whore” and with that you fell apart around his cock, milking his orgasm from him as he shoved his cum, farther into your cavern.  

A minute of breathing passed before he peeled himself off you and glanced towards the guard who choked out a command to clean yourselves up and that you only had five minutes left. Scouring the room for your clothes, Dabi surprised you when he handed your bra back until you noticed him pocketing your panties.

After staying in his arms for whatever remaining time you had left, the same guard came back and yanked the man off you and replaced the broken handcuff, locking them on his wrists.

As he was escorted out he glanced back, winked, announcing, “Bye-bye Doll, wait for next time, I’ll stuff your throat full, ok? Just wait.”  

Two weeks and he’ll have to make do on that promise.

[baya-ni]

Renga Shouldn’t Be Canon (clickbait)

No but seriously, I hope that Renga doesn’t become canon, at least not in the way that I think a lot of people are hoping that it will. Personally, I’m not expecting anything close to a kiss and confession and that’s fine by me.

Queerbaiting is a problem in mainstream media, there’s no doubt about it, and many people both within and outside the queer community are right to feel wary about hoping for that kind of representation. Personally, I’m still caught by surprise every time a queer person or couple is depicted in a normalized and healthy way onscreen. And that just speaks to the appallingly poor representation queer people are so used to seeing.

But I think that fandom likes to throw the word “queerbaiting” around a bit haphazardly, much in the same way faux woke people throw around words like “gaslighting” and “cancel culture”. They’ve become buzz words to evoke immediate feelings of self-righteousness and to prey on person’s fear of appearing ignorant or bigoted.

Unfortunately, I worry that when the season inevitably ends without Renga’s “canonization”, people will unfairly label Sk8 as Queerbait. And I have many Feelings about this- mostly frustration.

But we’re only mid-season. I can only guess where the show is going to go and only make assumptions about fandom behavior based on personal experience, and there’s a high possibility I’ll be proven totally wrong so... take whatever I say with a grain of salt. But anyway, let’s get on with it.

Fundamentally, Sk8 isn’t shoujo, it’s not BL- it’s a sports anime. And while that doesn’t preclude a total absence of romance between its characters, ultimately those aren’t the kinds of relationships that sports anime concerns itself with. The most prominent relationships you’ll see will be more along the lines of Teammates and Rivals (there's also a third dynamic I'm calling Opponents which is Not the same as Rivals but the Opponents dynamic is less relevant to my point so I'll focus on just the first two).

However, it's not hard to see why romantic interpretations are so common among fans of sports anime. At their core, the basis of Teammate and Rival dynamics bear many similarities to that of a compelling romance. Both Teammate and Rival relationships are built upon two characters' mutual admiration and respect for one another, they involve characters learning from one another and being inspired to push themselves to be their best. There's a great deal of trust involved, as is vulnerability, communication, and empathy. In other words, all the essentials of any healthy relationship.

But context and genre are important. I think that a good romance is one that is unique to its characters specific personalities and needs, as well as is believable within the context of the setting and story. For an anime like Sk8, I would find an on-screen kiss strange and out of place (unless it was done for comedic effect which would be... bad).

I'm reminded of this quote from Portrait of a Lady on Fire, which is one of my all time favorite films:

"Do all lovers feel as though they are inventing something? I know the gestures. I imagined them all waiting for you."

And that basically sums up what I've described, albeit more poetically. Love is invention. Romantic gestures form a unique language between lovers. And if I may add, genre and narrative establish the basis for the emotional significance of these gestures.

In a genre like action/thriller, one of the most meaningful things a character can do is risk their safety or straight up sacrifice themselves for another, because bodily harm and physical risks drive the tension in these kinds of narratives. In the romance genre, confessions, physical intimacy, and grand romantic displays serve the same purpose. In something like sports anime, I argue that its gestures like physically accommodating for your teammate, supporting them when they feel dejected, and being motivated to train harder and be better for the sake of being allowed to stand beside them, that hold equivalent significance.

But this is all broadly speaking, and genre is just one element. Characters’ personalities, habits, insecurities, and trauma, as well as a story’s themes, further specify the kinds of gestures that hold the most meaning in a narrative.

Let’s look again at Portrait of a Lady on Fire, on my favorite scenes:

Portrait is interested in subverting the power imbalance inherent between the Artist and the Muse, the Voyeur and the Subject, the Looker and she who is Looked At. Heloise’s observations of Marianne hold great significance because of this theme; she disrupts the power imbalance by taking back agency as the Subject, demonstrating that she is just as capable of Looking at the Artist just as the Artist does at her. This is visually represented by the framing of the final shot. With the camera pulled back, we now see Marianne as Heloise has been seeing her, and she is now subject to being visually scrutinized in the same way that Heloise has been up to this point in the film.

This scene is so poignant because the romantic gesture it depicts ties heavily to the story’s themes, its characters’ personalities, and its existence is believable within its genre.

Now, let’s bring this all back to Sk8. In this show, what sort of gestures are given the most significance?

Skateboarding. Duh.

Basically, this line establishes that “basis for emotional significance” that I mentioned earlier, such that skating is the means by which characters and relationships are developed and the plot is driven forward, that any and everything related to skating potentially holds symbolic meaning.

And specifically, equating the act of skating to love then allows for more romantic interpretations of all kinds of scenes. Take for example, these parallel sets of shots from ep 1:

(I mean cmon look at his tiny blush, it’s fucking adorable) And:

In a show that equates skating to a “ritual of love”, these scenes can be realistically be interpreted as Langa and Reki falling in love with one another. Skating acts as both the catalyst for their relationship as well as later on being the means by which they express their feelings and develop their relationship.

Skating is their love language.

Ok, I’ll try to wrap this up since this post has gotten wayyy too long. But basically my point is that Renga is about as canon as this show could possibly make it within the confines of its genre and narrative. Romance in sports anime is different from romance in shoujo, but it’s romance all the same, in the same way that different people express love in different ways.

A kiss and confession is not the only means by which a ship can become canon. And I personally would much rather have this kind of carefully crafted symbolism than a kiss just randomly shoehorned in.

But I understand that in the face of centuries of censorship, cop-outs, and barely believable and forced heteronormativity, people want same-sex intimacy onscreen, unapologetic and normalized. I get that.

But in my opinion, Sk8 isn’t queerbait, and it shouldn’t be accused as such just because its characters won’t kiss onscreen. I think this show depicts a wonderful and loving relationship between two boys, that isn’t any less loving just because it doesn’t fit into conventional romantic tropes.

Edit: I did a followup post about Sk8 and its queer representation here, where I go more in depth into the ways that Sk8 represents queerness through beyond its implied homo-romantic relationships.

So yeah, I’d love to hear yalls thoughts :)

[yoichichi]

Modern!au Connie Headcannons

Modern!Connie Springer x reader

a/n: I just love best boy Connie and whenever I think of something about him I jot it down in my notes and the list was getting a little extensive so I figured I’d share! These are just some random Connie HC, can be platonic or romantic reader insert! Please feel free to come in my inbox and talk about Connie I love him :(🖤 I hope you enjoy!

gif not mine, credit to owner

His snapchat is literally so chaotic, half of his memories he just doesn’t remember

And it’s usually a cursed video involving Sasha

WILL FaceTime you just so he can see your reaction to a TikTok he sent that you have to see now

Don’t ask me why but he will give you wet willys any chance he gets he finds it so funny

BRUNO MARS STAN I DON’T MAKE THE RULES

He’s just always bumping Bruno so loud when you’re in the car together to the point where all you had stuck in your head was Bruno - he gets limited access to the aux now

His favorites are That’s What I like, Young Girls, Treasure and Gorilla 😐

An actual good driver but is always a few above the speed limit

Got pulled over once and when the police came to the window he stuck his hand out the window and went “what man you’re not gonna dap me up?” - they made him take a sobriety test

Makes you shave his head and clean up his edges for him - has tried to convince you more than once to shave your head so you guys can match

Idc he’s a god tier kisser like king of make out sessions

He’s never too rough or fast with it, and he’s always making sure to give your lips a break and kiss your neck for a bit before he comes back up

His right hand is always holding you by the back of your neck to keep you in place ugh

Moving on

Collection of beanies 😌

Ok but if you’re sad he has a whole change of demeanor like

intently listening and humming to show he’s invested and if you’re really torn up he has one of your hands in his and he’s rubbing it softly - and if you need to cry he’s literally so good at makin you cry LOL

Like he’d just squeeze your hand and go “hey it’s ok babe, you’re allowed to feel that way” whether your relationship is platonic or not he’s calling you babe

And he’s so good at knowing when to switch up the mood and make you laugh and happy again ugh

He has a list of movies in his notes app that he wants to watch with you and half of them are really awful horror movies that he thinks “might actually be worth it cmon, what’s it gonna hurt?”

Him, he’s a baby and no matter how awful it is he’ll be a little jumpy after LMAO

I just, he’s a chronic sock stealer

He just loses his so easily?? And he has no qualms about strutting into your room to steal a pair of socks and soon you’re like??? Where the HELL are my socks?? And he’s like yeah jeez you gotta get some more.... cause what’s he supposed to do when YOU run out

Ok but more on him being a good driver, he only got pulled over before because his taillight was out and he actually isn’t an angry driver either, like he gets cut off and just kinda sighs or completely ignores it he just doesn’t care, unbothered king

One time someone pulled a random u-turn in front of him so he had to slam on his brakes but his first instinct was to swing his arm over you and then ask if you’re ok 😕

HE WAS SO SILENT TOO no honking, no gasp, and when he asked if you were ok he literally just went “you good?” In a super soft voice

He is ALWAYS humming something to himself and if you ask what he’s humming he doesn’t get embarrassed just excited to tell you :) but you’re obligated to listen to the song after too

And he always has a favorite part and he’ll go omg it’s coming up it’s it’s right here ugh omg did you hear that? And play it for you one more time

He just can’t get rid of anything electronic it scares him

He has all his old phones, game systems and an old laptop stored away somewhere

“Where the hell do I even throw them away??! There’s no way they go in the regular trash cause, like, there’s acid in them or some shit. And all my personal info is on there! And they say you should shred any paper with your info before you recycle it, and I can’t shred my mf PHONE!”

Sometimes he thinks he wants a nose piercing but he has a fear of it getting ripped out in his sleep or something (I’ve had it happen, it was god awful, I have so many nose piercing horror stories...)

He does have his ears pierced though

He had those little diamond studs when he was younger, too

He just thinks they’re stylish :)

Looks the best in sweatpants idc

Isn’t actually that bad at flirting like he’s just goofy and nice so like ~swoon (idk maybe I’m projecting here 🙄)

His favorite place to eat out is L&L, he’s a regular customer and his fav is just some simple spam musubi or the kalua pork and cabbage 🤤

Ok he’s loud but also a little shy like the kind of guy where if it was his birthday and you were singing happy birthday he’d get a little bashful and be all like omg,,, ok y’all I get it thanks jeez

Sometimes when he laughs to hard he snorts and covers his face with his hands cause he’s just dying and can’t help it

I feel like he has a habit of having to keep his hands busy and fidget with stuff so when he’s doing something mindless like watching TV he’s pulling on his bottom lip or pulling at the skin around his nails, but one time your head was in his lap and so he started just running his fingers along your skin or playing with your hair if he could and now he prefers doing that instead 🥺

He just pats his lap and looks at you with a lil smile expecting you to cuddle up

TL;DR: Connie is best boy and I love him

—————————

That’s all my most recent thoughts on Connie y’all ☺️ I might make a pt 2 in the future but lemme know if y’all liked it and would be interested in that! ily 😽 and if you’d like to be added to my taglist just lemme know! I write for aot and hq so you can specify for both or one!

-🐇out

taglist: @plutowrites

[secretsappyabode]

You're so lovely thank you for your sweet support on my Texfred art Tiff, I appreciate you for taking the time to write such kind things ;-----;✨🧡👑!!!

I wanted to come ask, what are some of the ways the twins like to make you laugh, especially when you could really use a good cheer-me-up :o?

Clover @tex-treasures

its my absolute pleasure clover!!! :''''') ty for the ask!! <33333

AAAAAAA this question is so sweet!! honestly, making each other laugh is like ESSENTIAL in my relationships yknow jkfgkljdfhgkjhd. cuz the moment you know another persons sense of humour, and knowing what makes them laugh/smile? such a nice way of making them happy and idk theres something personal about that. laughter is the best feeling in the world and if you can make ur partner feel that way? idk to me thats the way to my heart hehehe

Stan is a really funny person, like its one of his strong traits. even if hes not trying to be funny, his snark and bitter sarcasm is enough to make me crack a smile. like.....hes also just really rude?? hfjhdgdfk like he will outright tell someone that they have an ugly baby like "woah lady you have one ugly baby!!" AND I JUST- ON ONE HAND ITS LIKE STAN U CANT JUST SAY THAT BUT ON THE OTHER HAND HOLY SHIT HIS BLUNTNESS CAN BE REALLY FUNNY not because of what he says but more so how hes just NOT ASHAMED LIKE STAN PLZZZZ this man cannot be contained

honestly??? anything he cld do to try cheer me up cld work! crack a bad joke, share a funny story, or maybe an impression of some jerk that gave me a hard time, heck even insulting the jerk somehow (not necessarily to their face, although stan wldnt hesitate) stan: ooh look at me i wear too much cologne to compensate for my tiny dick stan: uh oh karen u dropped smth, its the stick that u lodge up ur ass stan: i tell u what tiff u got real good taste, and not just cuz ur dating me and sixer, but everyone in this hick town is ugly as shit like yeesh did they get hit w the ugly stick when they were born or what me: (clutching my sides and tears streaming down my face) STAN PLZ- stan: eheyyyy theres that smile ;)

Ford is a bit different. he doesnt rly use the "make her laugh" tactic to cheer me up, he lets stan take care of that. hes more of the "give her the plaidypus treatment and make her fave drink" guy. basically a lot of holding and words of affirmation, a kiss on the forehead or two shld def do the trick.

HOWEVER, doesnt mean the guy aint funny. hes a diff brand of funny though, he can be sassy and mischievous when he wants to. (when both stan and ford get snarky its a real fuckin treat lemme tell ya) according to journal 3, he used to prank fiddleford by messing w his rubiks cube. its small and harmless, but tiny pranks is his way of playing around and teasing others. sometimes when i enter a room, he starts to sing an old 50s song rly loudly and grabs my hands to swing me around in a bad waltz cuz he knows i get embarrassed easily and i start to giggle out of habit (FJHKJDHFDG IT JUST FLUSTERS ME OK)

also??? yknow his bit with "princess unattainabelle"??? cmon....cmon.....its small instances like that, showing how he can be playful when he wants to be. also he loves to tell bad puns. everytime, its a bad one. and i may groan but i smile and shake my head fondly. ford: u wanna hear a chemistry joke? me: (knowing its gonna be bad) ok sure why not ford: ford: ford: me: yeah? ford: oh sorry were u waiting for a reaction? me: (smiling) oh my goddddddd sTOP

ford can be a little shit hfljhgkjfdhg

also can i just say??? i really like the fan interpretation of the twins done by this person here. he draws them (and everyone in general rly) so well and the silly comics he makes is just so good??? and funny??? like ive basically adopted it into my headcanon that the twins are just Like This

[tatyana-dreaming]

Eugene Onegin: Finale Analysis

*apologies in advance for a LONG POST! any TYPOS! and also that the Russian has been latinized (is that what we say?)*

I have often read opinions and observations about the finale of Eugene Onegin along the lines of “there’s no new theme;” it’s “not as intense as the Letter scene;” it’s “anticlimactic...” etc. (those last two comments are found in Eugene Onegin: The Opera Lively Guide by Luiz Gazzola).

Clearly, these are just opinions and I’m not here to disprove anything... but I am here to retaliate with a whole lot of love for this particular 14 minutes of music so buckle up :) I’m going to try to mainly be objective here and just offer my observations/analysis. Maybe you’ll find some newfound appreciation along the way...and please pitch in if you have your own comments or have noticed things I haven’t necessarily picked up on!

Before we start, you may want to pull a recording of the finale (this one is my favorite of course), and potentially your favorite CD/recording of Eugene Onegin, if you want to listen along and compare. If I had more time and skills I would have done this for you in a video or added trimmed audio bits throughout this post but alas. Maybe one day! For now, enjoy these screencaps from the 2007 Carsen production at the Met with Fleming and Hvorostovsky.

1. Gazzola points this out in his book - and thank goodness, because I’m not sure I would have made the connection myself. The final scene opens with a motif that is more or less a repetition of Gremin’s theme (in rhythm, at the very least), “Lyubvi Vsye Rozrasti Pokorni/Love conquers all ages,’” foreshadowing Tatyana’s decision/steadfastness to the mature, stable love or contement, or whatever we want to call this - we can have an analysis of ‘love’ in Eugene Onegin in another post! Already I’m thinking back to the opening of the opera when Larina and Filipyevna sing in unison “Privichka svishe name dana, zamyena shchastiyu ona / Habit is sent us from above in place of happiness.” Tatyana’s mother used to read and dream like Tayana herself and was even in love, but eventually had to marry someone else and “became resigned and settled down.”

And as @lizlensky​ recently reminded me, of course Filipyevna did not get to marry for love either, not that Tatyana was really listening to her story. In fact, maybe I’m looking far into deeply, but it seems to me the strings underneath this “Gremin motif” at the opening of the finale and also when Tatyana eventually sings to that tune “Onegin, ya togda molozhe/Onegin, I was younger then”  are also mimicking the strings underneath Filipyevna when she sings the morning after the Letter Scene, explaining how her mind is getting older and reflecting upon her youth (I’m generalizing a bit - Tatyana certainly isn’t complaining about having an old brain but she is thinking of the past). Make of that what you will! But it gave me chills.

2. Oh no, I’m already getting ahead of myself though. Before Onegin even comes on the scene, we also hear what some call the “Fate motif” but what I prefer to call the “Dream motif” (if it is fate, why does it follow Tatyana all over dreamy Act I but disappears except for this tiny reminiscence? But of course, up for discussion as it’s the prelude/introduction to the opera, and it comes back when Yevgeni does, haunting her like a ghost, which I suppose is fate-y). Here it is again when Tatyana sings “Kak budto snova dyevochkoi ya stala/It’s as if I’m a young girl again” - which is then followed by what I might personally call the fate theme, since it foreshadows the anguish Tatyana will face when she is rejected in Act I, and before she rejects Onegin in Act III.

This is where I wish I had an audio clip but I think you know what I mean; it’s the really dramatic climax that comes right when Tatyana enters the stage in Scene 3 of Act III (before “Zdyez on, zdyes on, Yevgeni!”) and right before Onegin comes onstage in Act III, Scene 2. Or ha, maybe this is just “Onegin’s Arrival Theme” since there’s a similar kind of orchestral panic before he arrives in Act I (though of course, not in Scene 1 of Act III since it is Tatyana who enters rather than Onegin who was in the room already, at least in the productions I’ve seen.)

3. Okay, so now Onegin’s here, what does he have to say for himself? We hear a bit of the Onegin aria theme -  “Mechtam i godom nyet vazvrata, nye obnovlyu dushi moyei/Dreams and years cannot return, I cannot renew my soul!” as he (in some versions) falls to Tatyana’s feet, exclaiming “O, szhaltes, szhaltes nado mnoyu!/ Have mercy on me!”  Clearly has some srs regerts. But also perhaps Tchaikovsky foreshadowing what is to come... not only that we shouldn’t expect Tatyana to act with any less honor (or prudence/reason) towards Onegin as he did towards her in Act I, and that indeed she sings “proshlogo nye vorotit/you cannot bring back the past.”  I know I’m grinding a lot out of this particular moment, but... would you expect anything less from me? Or (thinks of Petya) HIM? :)

4. As Tatyana reminds Onegin how he rejected her and begins to question why he is suddenly in love with her now, we get to revisit some of the music from the Letter Scene - at least in the orchestra. Tatyana’s line differs slightly than her original melody in the Letter Scene when she sings “Togda, nye pravda li pustine, vdali ot suyetnoi molvi/There in that backwater, far from vain society” - and just so, as it is far from its dreamy, romantic parallel in her letter - “Y v eto samoye mgnovyenye ne ti li, miloye vidyenye/And in that very moment, wasn’t it you, beloved vision [...who whispered to me words of hope].” I find this throwback incredibly clever and gutwrenching, as I believe it’s clearly a bitter and ironic jab at the hope that Onegin crushed, even honorably as he did, and now the two of them have changed positions. Whose dreamy hopes (which are... questionable at best at the moment) are getting schooled now? Cmon’ Onegin, “learn to control yourself....”

5. Let me take a moment to admit and agree with many analyses/critics (although Tchaikovsky knows what he is doing, convince me otherwise) that Onegin is pretty fragmented and lacks a coherent theme, and certainly has no original “love theme” of his own to offer Tatyana  - after all, Onegin as a character, especially in the book, is pretty hollow, someone who isn’t so much a “self’ as a person who knows how to go through the motions of life... He’s intelligent but not creative, full of potential but lacking any real direction. (Ohhh I am going to cry because that’s so sad but also so relatable, but crying is coming up next so I’ll hold off). The opposite of Lensky’s “poet spirit” that lives life romantically, and is in love with life itself, seeing the infinite everywhere rather than seeing life so pessmistically (with the mask of pragmatism/”maturity”) as Onegin does, a mask that keeps Onegin from truly engaging with life or his own sense of self.

So as Onegin sings, we hear that lack of originality, though I will pull a Valery Gergiev here and say one “cannot be impartial” to Onegin’s music here (*clutches chest - that’s Tchaikovsky, even though I think it’s clear Onegin is not his fav) - Onegin may not be original, but there is no less truth or heartfelt emotion in what comes through. Luckily, Tatyana knows that it’s still not a good choice... he’s still not very substantial, at best, and at worst truly is only infatuated with her because of her reputation. It would mean ruin for her either way so :( (read: Anna Karenina) (here are some sad Onegin pictures just for fun because it’s all been Tatyana mainly but also: sorry this is Tatyana’s big moment so)

6. Time for tears! Do you hear a familiar theme when Tatyana sings “Ya plachu/I’m weeping?” It’s Lensky’s aria theme making a comeback- what!??! And particularly, the same melody as these two phrases, when Lensky sings: “Shto dyen gradushchi mnye gotovit/What does this day hold for me?” and perhaps more salient to this moment: “Pridyosh li, dveya krasoti, slezu prolit nad rannei urmoi/ Will you come, maiden, to shed a tear over my untimely urn?” Ahhh, I see what you did there, Petya.

But wait, Onegin hates crying! This isn’t explicitly in the opera of course, but Onegin in the novel all but tells Tatyana that her tears (as he rejects her) only vex him - another reason marriage would be a torment for them (not a bad reason and look, we always respected his honesty, right?). But now? I think it’s a crucial moment; it shows there has indeed been some development on Onegin’s part and uh oh, he’s actually in love (ironically in a very Lensky - that is, poetic - way)  even if it’s not for the best of reasons.

7. Fun (pain) pact: “Tak blizhko! [happiness was] so close!” is the only time Onegin and Tatyana sing together or are on the same page, so to say. Nice. (*cries*) The only other times people sing completely lined up together like this in this opera, choruses aside, are when:

Larina and Filipyevna sing “Privichka svishe name dana, zamyena shchastiyu ona /Habit is sent to us from above in place of happiness”  in the opening scene

Onegin and Lensky sing “Nye zasmeyatsa l nam, poka ne obagrilasa ruka, ne razoitis li polyubovno? Nyet... /Shouldn’t we burst out laughing, rather than staining our hands with blood, shouldn’t we part as friends? No...”  before the duel

Moments of truth. And mostly pain. :) Again, please chime in if there are others, I’m sure I’ve missed something.

8. Time for Tatyana to refuse! This is where I completely disagree that there is “no new major theme” in the Finale; Tatyana’s “rejection theme” holds its own in my books. Interestingly, it’s in D-flat major, just like the main themes in her Letter Scene (”Puskai pogibnu ya/Let me perish,” and “Kto ti? Moi angel/ Who are you? my [guardian] angel..” aka the descending/Russian 6th theme). Tatyana is just as earnest/decided/resigned* (yes, all three of those adjectives) in her decision in the finale as in the Letter Scene, so maybe that has something to do with it. (I always remember her words in the Letter scene: “Uvi, nye v silakh ya vladyet svoyei dushoi!/Alas, I am unable to subdue my soul!” but just like Onegin learning to be endeared by tears - she has indeed learned to subdue her soul, or perhaps she has simply matured and her priorities have changed. (And of course, who lectured her to subdue her soul in the first place, even though he meant well? Yours truly!)

*resigned might seem an interesting way to describe the Letter Scene, but don’t forget “No, tak i bit! Sudbo moyu otnine ya tebye vruchayu/So be it. Henceforth my fate belongs to you....”  I tend to interpret that as Tatyana actually taking her fate into her own hands and deciding to go all in with her decision, despite the words that seem to make her position passive. In the finale, she is ‘resigned’ in a similarly active manner - this is not a passive resignation. But I still would use the term resigned, if only to draw the parallel between Tatyana and her mother....  “I became resigned and settled down.”  And so she has, even if she has to struggle to push Onegin away from the settled life she has, loving him all the same.

And in comes some of my favorite music of all time - Onegin’s desperate, even malicious pleas and a good dose of mansplaining how Tatyana “can’t” abandon him, quoting back her letter. Extra ouch, because do you remember in Tatyana’s letter when she tells Onegin if he has any pity, “vi nye ostavite menya/you won’t abandon me.” And what does she have to beg him to do over and over until she finally runs offstage? “Ostav menya!/Leave me!” heheheheh *laugh-cries*  everything is fine.

9. And we’ve nearly reached the very end. Almost a year into listening to this particular piece of music and I only recently realized what was going on - yeah, I know. When things get really heated at the end and pain reaches a maximum, Tatyana sings “Gluboko v syerdsta pronikayet, yevo otchayanni priziv no, pil prestupni podaviv/His anguished cries penetrate my heart, but the fire of passion has been extinguished” (well, I’m still not quite sure on the ‘correct’ English translation but it doesn’t sound good for Yevgeni regardless...)

That melody in that last line calls us back to its twin sister at the end of Scene 1 in Act I when Onegin is talking about how bored he was with his uncle, waiting for him to die. So a) I hear this as Tatyana “ending things once and for all” (parallels between the death of Onegin’s uncle, and the death of their relationship), as well as possibly (again I read 10,000% too much into things) b) Tatyana realizing that Onegin’s words to her back in the garden were true - habit [routine] would kill their love; they would become bored (or at least he would). The passion would burn out.

Which brings us back to c) heaven sends us habit in place of happiness [=passion?]- which, OH, RIGHT, OF COURSE has the same rhythm of the aforementioned “boredom” theme and “the fire of passion has been extinguished.” But you all probably already realized that because oF COURSE.. that’s how the opera OPENS... and now how it is CLOSING... AHHHH!!!

I know I’m not original or anything for realizing that parallel, but yeah. I’m pretty happy about it.

Tchaikovsky is absolutely genius. Unbelievable. And paired with Pushkin? I’m not surprised I’ve clearly lost my mind over this masterpiece.

Anyways, this was an extremely long post but I hope you enjoyed it immensely, especially if you read this far!! Please chime in with your own comments! I LOVE THIS PIECE OF MUSIC!

[gh0stiegirlie]

synopsis: all it took was one glance at the hotheaded boy at the U.A. exam, and you were smitten. for deku, it was a single act of kindness that instigated his immediate attraction to uraraka. several months into school, best friends y/n and deku are left heartbroken when. uraraka and bakugou start a relationship. when you and deku find yourselves confiding in each other, a question arises; is this love, or loneliness? are you two better just as friends?

length: 3.5k words

                                                                                                      pt. 2  ->

a/n: that moment when you start a new bakugou series in the middle of another bakugou series 🤡 I hope you enjoy the result of procrastinating on my other story and writing a little too much.

It all started the day of U.A.’s practical exam. 

You were pushing your fingers down on every tender joint you could pop, loosening your body as much as possible for the physically strenuous activity ahead. When you bent over into the downward dog position, through your legs disheveled blond hair caught your eye. His hair was so spiky if you pricked your finger on a strand, it would draw blood. You stretched out your back before crawling your arms up your body until you were standing, then turned to examine the boy.

It looked like someone had glued a golden porcupine on his head, a hairstyle that on the majority would look hideous. But the way his bouncing spikes threatened to poke anyone who came too close as he stomped around, made it suit him. When you lowered your eyes to the rest of his body, that was when you discovered this pomeranian boy was not only super hot, but super fit. His tight black tank top hugged his upper body, and his shoulders and biceps alone were so bulky it looked like the straps may snap. Along with that, the flimsy top did nothing to hide his abs from the imagination. He had developed muscles in places you never knew muscles existed. 

As you were not-so-subtly checking this guy out while pretending to stretch, another contender approached the boy. She was stereotypically hot, with full features and an unattainable sinched waist. A flare of jealousy hit you like a wave of heat, and you nearly used your quirk to warn the girl to back the fuck off. This feeling immediately dissipated when he aimed his hand at the girl and dismissed her... with a fucking explosion. Within seconds, she was in a dazed heap on the other side of the warm-up room with some minor burns. The whole room fell silent, turning to the boy with petrified expressions. He nonchalantly shoved his hand in his pocket, leaned on one leg, and clenched his jaw. Although his posture was shit and his pants were sagging, you could tell he wasn’t a fool.

“Now, if any of you other extra’s feel like messing with me,”  his vermillion scanned the crowd for someone attentive and vulnerable, and they eventually fixed on you with a smirk, “don’t.” 

 He made your knees weak with one word.

 That’s when you started falling.

When you discovered you were in the same class as Bakugou, you were ecstatic. Back then, your crush was a minuscule weed in your garden. It sat among the fully grown flowers of your aspirations, completely harmless.

You’re now halfway through your first semester at U.A., and your crush on Bakugou has fully blossomed. Whether it’s grown into the weed or a rose, you’re unsure. All you know is your love weed is now the size of a goddamn oak tree, and for it to grow to this extent, it has pushed the rest of your garden out of the way. 

You spend half of your Math class stealing subtle glances at Bakugou, watching him repeat the teachers' lessons to himself in hushed mumbles as he writes down every word in his notebook. He has a habit of vehemently taking notes to the point of dulling out his pencil, groaning when he has to shove it into his pencil sharpener (he used to use the schools, but he grew too irritated of leaving his seat every few minutes), only for his poor pencil to require another sharpening moments later. Following Math is English, and during this class you enjoy gazing out the windows to daydream. Your English classroom was built with large oblong windows that stretch from the floor to the ceiling to reveal the grand U.A. courtyard below and you tend to use it to study the upperclassmen. You watch the class of 2-A enjoy their lunch hour as they walk, eat, and hold hands around campus. Sometimes you imagine them as you and Bakugou. You think about holding his hand while dancing around the cherry trees, eating lunch with him and his ‘Bakusquad’ and much, much more.

Love is a strong word, and you’re hesitant to label your feelings accordingly. But damn, are your feelings strong for this boy.

Deku can say the same about Uraraka. He literally fell for her on the way to the practical exam. And even though she caught him, he’s continued falling ever since.

Everytime Uraraka spars during training, Deku gives her his undivided attention. Not because he’s a perv or anything-- he just admires her so much. Her quirk requires her resourceful and thoughtful, so she always has a brilliant plan up her sleeve. His favorite part about her battles is the way she smiles when she knows she’s won. It’s never a smile of egotistical pride; It’s a smile that displays she’s satisfied with herself. That she acknowledges she’s victorious, not because “she’s the best”, but because she worked for it. He can never hold back from beaming himself. When someone that cute smiles, how can you resist?

But, there is a difference between you two. Deku holds the advantage of being friends with Uraraka; You simply adore Bakugou from a distance, while everyone else hates him from that distance.

Until one day, Aizawa mentions the first-semester partner project. You already know Izuku is going to choose Uraraka, and you know Iiada wouldn't be caught dead partnering with you (even though the class calls you the 'golden girl', you're still a bit too 'rebellious' for his taste.) From the way Kaminarai and Kirishima smirk at eachother, you're pleased to see they're going to pair up, because this leaves Bakugou with no partner. A spot you would love to fill.

After class you don't rush to make it to Bakugou, knowing no one else wants to be his partner after what happened between him and Kirishima (Lots of Bakugou yelling how “shitty hair is an idiot!” and using textbooks as a weapon to smack Kirishima’s head). But you wouldn't mind. You would be happy just to be his idiot.

You're snapped out of your daydreams when Uraraka spontaneously approaches Bakugou. You smirk and lean against your desk, expecting a hilarious interaction that starts with a heated “GET AWAY FROM ME WEIRD GIRL!!” and ends with a very large explosion. I mean, at the sports festival, not only could he not connect her name with her face, he had absolutely no fucking clue who she was! But instead of blowing her away in a fit of rage, as he did with that girl so many months ago, they talk.

You and Deku never discussed your feelings for those two with each other, but you acknowledged them. You being his closest friend, it’s clear as fucking day that Deku is head over heels for Uraraka. And being your best friend, it’s obvious to Deku that you want to smash faces with the class hothead. 

So, naturally, as the two of you watch this interaction unfold, there’s a mutual feeling of disgust. An unspoken what the fuck?! is exchanged between your eyes, until Deku’s lip quivers and he quickly looks away while you glare daggers into Uraraka’s stupidly hot body. After a few infuriating minutes, it’s grossly clear their conversation isn’t concluding anytime soon. You’re repulsed as you ask Deku to be your partner, to which he responds with a meek head nod. You sigh and hug the poor boy. Surprisingly Deku doesn’t start crying blood when you, a girl, touches him. Instead, he nuzzles his head deep into your neck, as by now he’s comfortable with your friendship.

"Hey, do you wanna go out for ice cream?" you ask when you pull away. You nudge him with your elbow. "I'll pay!"

Izuku blinks away his tears as he agrees, desperately trying to block the waterworks from leaking. 

"Cmon, Zuzu." you coo, exiting the classroom. Before you and Izuku head to the dining hall, you shoot a quick glare at Uraraka, who is purposely shoving her tits out in Bakugou's face as she laughs at whatever he just said. At least you know he's better than to fall for that... Hopefully.

"One Yukimi Daifuku and one chocolate Sofuto Kurimu, please," you ask the cafe cashier. She mumbles the amount you owe, and you shuffle your hand around the change in your pocket before handing her a few dollars. 

When you bring Izuku his icecream, he lifts his head off the table. He plays around with his food for a while before sloppily shoving a scoop in his mouth. You moan when you take your first bite.

"I swear, this ice cream is top tier!" you boom in enthusiasm. "Like, seriously, who allowed cafeteria food to be this good?!"

A short chuckle escapes Izuku's frowning lips. "That's U.A. for ya. The food somehow gets better every day."

"I know, right!" You use your spoon to point at Izuku's Yukimi Daifuku. "I feel like they handpicked that rice in your Yukimi from U.A.'s personal rice fields." you joke, which finally breaks Izuku's drab demeanor. He lets out a genuine laugh.

"I don't think U.A. has it's own rice fields." he rationalizes. The knot in his stomach loosens every time you make him laugh, allowing his appetite to grow. He takes a few eager bites of his Yukimi Daifuku. You playfully punch Izuku's shoulder.

"Really? This place is so fucking big I wouldn't be surprised if it had its own strip club or someth-MFF!" Izuku cuts you off by slapping a hand over your mouth. He pulls it back to his and signs "shh".

"Y-Y/n! Be quiet!" he warns, his face dark red from stifling his laughter. 

"What?! You don't want to think about All Might gettin--" you stop here, because Izuku has buried his face in his hands in order to ignore you. You laugh. "Okay, okay Deku. I'll stop." You ruffle his hair platonically.

"Thanks. I was afraid I was going to throw up my Yukimi if you kept going." he expresses, to which you laugh again. There's a fleeting pause as the two of you take a moment to appreciate each other's presence. Maybe all you really need is each other. 

Maybe, as long as you're just friends, everything will be okay.

"Thanks, Y/n. I needed this." Izuku smiles, and you can't help but smile with him.

One week later, the project is due and the weird partnership between Uraraka and Bakugou remains unmentioned between the three of you and Iiada. You’ve wanted to discuss it with her, but Izuku keeps holding you back. So the four of you engage in breakfast per usual; laughing, talking, and stuffing your faces. By this time, you assume Uraraka has forgotten about her little stunt. But it remains at the forefront of your mind, because what the fuck?! 

Deku believes it to be a momentary lapse in judgment, but you know girls better than that. She had been plotting that move for a while. Uraraka probably spent weeks building up her self-esteem enough to talk to him, and then another few days encouraging herself to actually do it. 

So, when Uraraka skips over to Bakugou that day, you’re not surprised. But, what she does next shocks you.

Uraraka kisses Baugous cheek.

You wait expectantly for Bakugou to send her flying out a window. Instead, he smirks and wraps his burly arm around her thin waist. Her waist is so thin, his arm fits around it like a bracelet. How can you even compete with that?!

And then, they walk out of the classroom. Just like that. Like a fucking couple.

That’s when the world crumbles around you.

Friday nights are always the days you and Bakugou attend the gym at the same time. Normally, his presence is a positive motivation to work harder, knowing he can look over at you at any moment. 

Tonight, you bury your eyes into the back of his head and pretend he's the punching bag. You restrain yourself from using your quirk to explode his brain (you actually can’t do that, but still), as if he even has one. If he’s dating Uraraka, he must not. You understand she’s cute or whatever, but they’re so fucking different. 

Apparently, this past hour you were hitting the punching bag vigorously enough in precisely the right places for it to tear. Sand pours onto your feet, and that's when you decide to call it night.

You manage bottle most of your emotions until you’re alone in your room. That’s when you shut off your lights, put on your sad vibes playlist, shelter yourself in fleece blankets and let the tears flow. Your shaking shoulders churn your stomach, and it feels like you’re vomiting out your emotions. Your heart stings with every beat, and every sob irritates your raw throat. You're not just another teenage girl crying over a stupid boy. You've grown up putting all your energy into improving your quirk, always two steps ahead of the rest of your class’ mentality. When you first saw Bakugou, you saw someone whos grown up always giving everything his all. You saw someone like you, and you fixated on something that wasn't just being a hero. 

At this point you've been fighting for Bakugou for so long, he's grown beyond a dumb crush. Now that you've lost this battle, you realize how alone you feel.  He’s a motivation. Not only do you train hard to improve your quirk, but you train hard to surprise Bakugou with your strength. You don't just study for good marks, but to impress Bakugou. 

Your goal to be a hero has always occupied your whole heart, but Bakugou managed to slip in there somewhere.

And you can feel the hollowness of his gaping hole.

Eventually, you compose yourself enough to grab some Suppa-Mucho Premium Ponzu, a jar of Nutella (with a spoon to eat it out of, of course), and a cup of hot chocolate from the kitchen.

On the way back to your room, you hear sobs emitting from a nearby hall. As you follow the twists and turns of the dorm, the cry grows familiar. You soon find yourself standing outside Izuku Midoriyas' room. You quickly (but carefully) run to the kitchen to microwave another cup of hot chocolate before knocking on his bedroom door. 

“Duh-Don’t come in!” his voice is nasally, but he lowers it an octave to sound like his usually preppy self. Although hero-training teaches you students how to put on an emotional mask, you’re able to tell when your best friend is faking. 

“It’s me, Izuku.” 

“Come in,” his raspy reply is barely above a whisper.

You jiggle the door handle open with your elbow and find Izuku wrapped in a blanket of feelings, like you were earlier. He wipes the tears off his cheeks and rubs his eyes, burying his head deep into the blanket to hide his sadness. Though his loud, shaky breaths give away the fact he was crying. Like you couldn’t hear him from across the dorms.

“Hey. It’s okay, Zuzu.” You’re standing behind the door, presenting snacks and two drinks with a somber smile. “I’m here.”

Izuku lifts his head when he smells the steaming hot cocoa. He grabs the drink that has whip cream with tiny marshmallows and flakes of caramel sprinkled on top, just the way he likes it. You set down the snacks on a nearby coffee table, then drink your hot chocolate beside him. When a sip leaves a small white mustache above his upper lip, you can’t help but giggle. He does the same.

You don’t ask why he was crying, and he doesn’t ask why you were walking around with comfort food late at night. Instead, you enjoy each other’s company. The events of earlier today have made you realize that things will always be the way they’ve been since the start of this year. That you’ll only ever have each other. 

 And maybe that’s why what happens next… Happens.

You are wrapped up in a blanket next to Izuku watching Whisper of the Heart and munching on a bowl of chips. Like some sort of cliche, the two of you reach for a chip at the same time. Izuku immediately pulls away, an incoherent apology spilling from his lips. You ignore it, overwhelmed with a sudden bubble of emotion. It was only extreme for a brief moment, but the remnants of the feeling linger. The electricity he transferred to you keeps your fingers twitching as you grab a snack. So now you’re pondering over the feeling while nibbling on a chip;

 How come, when Izukus hand brushed against yours, you felt something?

Everytime you’re near Bakugou, your heart palpitates. Not only out of fear-- because the man is fucking terrifying --but of recognition of his power. Out of admiration of his intimidating, yet confident personality.

When you touched Izuku’s hand, your heart fluttered. A cocoon of butterflies erupted in your chest and tried to lift you off his bed-- but why? 

Was it because now that Bakugous out of the way, your true scandalous feelings for your best friend are no long eclipsed? Or is it because now that Bakugou is out of the way your brain needs a new hot boy with biceps to focus on?

Izuku questions the same thing himself. If you took a second to look, the light of the TV would reveal the blush on his cheeks. His hands tremble in his lap as he hopelessly attempts to cover the growing boner in his pants, a side effect of thinking about you in this new romantic light.

All this time, has he been love with you, not Uraraka? Or has her sudden abandonment left a vacancy that needs filling, so he’s turning to his best friend? 

You move the bowl and scoot next to Deku. Your body heats up as his tenses. 

“Hey, do you wanna share a blanket?” You ask, forcing yourself to sound as casual as possible. Even though trying to flirt with your best friend is way out of your comfort zone.

“Uh--sure!” Deku squeaks as he wraps his blanket around your shoulders and you throw your fleece over your laps. You arrange yourself so the side of your thighs press up against Deku’s, and rest your head on his shoulder

He sweats nervously, and smells of bergamot and… Fresh laundry. It’s pleasant, though not as hypnotizing as Bakugous sweet caramel. Bakugous scent leaves you hungry for him, while Deku makes you feel… Comforted. Like receiving a warm hug from a friend. A completely non-romantic friend. A platonic friend. What the fuck are you doing?!

You repeat the words “platonic” and “friend” in your mind to remind yourself what Deku is to you. But the longer your bodies touch, the anstier you grow to touch more. Just to see what it feels like.  

Yes, Zuzu has been your friend forever-- Doesn’t that the experience of dating him even better? Doesn’t that make you want to steal his first kiss, so he’ll forever hold you in his heart?  Doesn’t that make feeling his body shudder from pleasure under yours even hotter? 

You bite your lips at these thoughts, unaware Izuku is imagining the same. His face is practically the color of a strawberry-- his green hair really bringing the image all together.

You turn to one another in unison, searching for the answer in each other’s eyes; Is this love? Or is this emptiness? You and Deku silently struggle to figure out an explanation, though it doesn’t matter. 

Because you kiss anyway.

As soon as you make contact, those sparks that frazzled you earlier return. When you push your mouth harder against his, they dazzle you.

Izukus lips are thin, but creamy. He’s the kind of guy who carries chapstick with him everywhere, and apparently his favorite flavor is vanilla, because when you run your tongue along his lip it tastes like ice cream. He whimpers at the feeling, and you take advantage of how sensitive he is. When you bite his lip he moans into your mouth and pulls you closer.

Kissing Midoriya is as gratifying as it is dissatisfying. Kissing someone so desperate-- so needy, for you, is empowering. It fills your Bakugou-sized hole with pleasure. But, his kiss is also cold and lifeless. The only emotion that fuels it is rejection. Behind this kiss, and behind your lips, is loneliness. You’re both anxious and uncertain, so you’re kissing what’s comfortable. And you keep kissing to replace these problematic feelings with something exciting. 

Soon, your kisses become hollow. The sparkes evaporate. Izukus lips aren’t as delicious as they seemed when you first started, and the way you nibble on his lip begins to sting.

You slow to a mutual halt, deciding to bask in eachothers warmth through cuddles instead of kisses. Even though Izuku’s body is alive with the heat of your kiss, he feels cold.

You return to the movie, but the kiss leaves another question lingering in the air.

You’re best friends.

What does this mean?

Something has shifted between you two, and you can’t tell if its for the better or the worst.  

[taehyungs-perm]

strawberry girl pt 2

taehyung x reader; college au; childhood best friends to lovers au; jock!fratboy taehyung

genre: fluff; major angst lol

word count: 11k

summary: i can pretend i don’t miss you. i can pretend i dont care. all i want to do is kiss you. what a shame you’re not here

part 1 here  part 3 here; part 4 here; part 5

playlist vibes 

electric | alina baraz ft khalid

goodnight n go | ariana grande

here | alessia cara

teenage dream | katy perry 

floating | alina baraz ft khalid

singularity | bts

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------You woke up in a panic to the shrill sound of your phone alarm. You turned over to your side to shut off the alarm, briefly glancing at your roommate’s empty bed. 10:34. You rubbed your eyes while yawning, you had a restless night of sleep. You couldn’t stop thinking about Taehyung. You felt butterflies in your heart when you thought back to last night: the way he called you cute, the way he hugged you, the way he nuzzled the crook of your neck. But those warm feelings were immediately squashed when your phone buzzed. 

Tae: hey so i got a bit held up but i just need to shower and ill be at lilys! I’m sorry!! 🥺

Then, you remembered what actually went down last night. Jennie telling you Taehyung would never even look at someone like you, some girl grinding on Taehyung, and, oh yea, the fact that he fucked some girl last night and that’s definitely the reason why he’s late this morning. Your mind was swimming with thoughts. You exhaled deeply and sat up in your bed, staring at your wall covered in polaroids. Taehyung doesn't like me. Why would he like me? You’ve seen the girls he’s been with. They are so beautiful. How could someone like you even compare? 

You fell back into your pillows and wrapped your arms around your fluffy white pillow, hugging it. And you don’t like him either. You can’t. Because you can’t handle all the pain that comes with it. Your phone buzzed again.

Tae: should be there in 10

You: same

It was definitely a lie but you doubted Taehyung would be on time.

Tae: ur lying. Ur def just lying in ur bed. Bet ur still in pajamas 

How the fuck did he know you so well. 

You: 🖕🏽 

Tae: 🥰

God, he is such a headass you thought, shaking your head. You managed to pull yourself out of bed but all the while you got ready, you kept thinking about him. You wondered if he thought about you as much as you thought about him. Probably not. 

You were definitely 20 minutes late but you really didn’t care since it was just Taehyung. You pulled open the door of the diner and inhaled the scent of freshly cooked waffles and fried eggs. You scanned the restaurant and saw Taehyung sitting in a corner booth. He was wearing a light grey sweatshirt. You loved that sweatshirt. You thought he always looked adorable wearing it. You walked over and sat across from him. He was so absorbed in his texts that he didn’t notice you sit down. 

You stared at him and he still didn’t look up. Annoyed, you huffed loudly but he still was preoccupied in his phone. 

Fine. He’s being a little bitch then. You leaned over and flicked his forehead and he yelped loudly. 

“Ow! What the fuck was that for?” He said whining.

You huffed, “Oh shut up. I’ve been sitting here for like ever and you've been just staring at your phone.” 

He was rubbing his forehead, “Sorry I didn’t mean to ignore you. It’s just like there’s a lot happening at once.” 

You were about to ask him what was going on but then the waitress came by to take your orders.

You ordered chocolate chip waffles and Taehyung ordered 4 different dishes. You glared at him as the waitress took your menus away. 

“What? I’m hungry.” he said innocently.

“Whatever. You're paying. Anyways, what’s going on?” 

“Oh yea, so like we just have this huge game coming up next week. It’s against our rival school and it’s the championship game.”

You interrupted “It’s the championship game already?”

He gruffed, “You would know if you came to any of my games.” 

Oh shit. Taehyung had been asking you to come to at least one of his games, but you had been brushing it off. You had been giving him the excuse of having too much school work. The truth was you didn’t really want to go to his games and see his personal cheerleading squad on their knees for him. Hana went to a few games to see Jungkook play and she told you about them. Jennie was the leader of the group of the three girls and they were at every game, wearing their cheerleading uniforms, screaming Taehyung's name. The very notion of it made you feel nauseous so you just avoided going to any of his games just so you didn’t have to witness it. It’s not that you had a direct issue with the girls themselves but they were just a reminder that Taehyung would never look at you the same way he looked at them. 

“Oh sorry. I told you it w-“

He interjected, “Yea, I know you said you needed to study.” He looked upset. Fuck. The words came out of your mouth before you realized, “I promise I’ll be there for the game next Saturday.” 

His eyes lit up, “Really?”

You nodded, “Okay so continue.”

“Yea, so we are all really stressed about the game and like Hobi hyung wants us to practice everyday for like 3 to 4 hours until the big game. But like I’m trying to take school more seriously now, and I don’t know how I can manage that much soccer on top of school. Namjoon hyung is on my side but like there’s just this huge argument in our group chat right now.” Taehyung was rubbing circles on the temples of his head. 

His phone started buzzing, like he received a chain of texts. Then he growled. You were in shock. You had never seen Taehyung this pissed off before. 

“Then this fucking girl won’t leave me alone.”

You were kind of scared but you asked in a calm voice, “What girl?”

“The girl from last night. She keeps fucking texting me. She won’t stop.” 

“What’s she saying?”

“She keeps asking to hang out. And I don’t want to. I told her last night before anything happened that this was just a hookup. Just sex. And if she wanted something more or if she wasn’t okay with that, then I would stop. But she said she was fine with it. Then it took me forever for her to get out of my room this morning.”

“Taehyung!”

“What? “

“You kicked her out? That’s so mean!”

“I didn’t kick her out. I just said I had shit to do so I needed to get ready. But she wanted to stay and I thought she wanted to fuck again and like we did which is why I was late. But she’s still texting me. And I told her nicely that I just wanted to stay friends, but she’s relentless!”

“If she’s bothering you that much, just block her number.” 

“Can I? Would that be mean?”

“Well...kinda but like if she’s causing you stress then it’s fair.”

“Okay bet.”

He instantly looked relieved. He was about to say something but then the waitress arrived with your food.

After hearing about Taehyungs fuckboi antics from last night and apparently this morning, you suddenly lost your appetite. You started slowly cutting small pieces of your waffle. 

Taehyung asked in a concerned voice “Hey. Why aren’t you eating?”

“Oh. I’m just stressed. About school.”

Taehyung pointed his fork at you with his mouth full of waffles, “You need to find a stress outlet.”

You rolled your eyes, “I do have a stress outlet. I bake.”

He covered his mouth with his hand, laughing, “Clearly that’s doing jack shit. You need something better.”

You threw your hands up, exasperated, “What then? What do you suggest for a stress reliever?” Even though the cause of your lack of appetite wasn’t stress, you did feel like picking up new habits could help with your overall anxieties. 

Taehyung looked you straight in the eyes and said confidently, “Dick.”

You choked at his bluntness, “Excuse me?”

He shrugged and continued to shovel waffles in his mouth, “You need dick. You’re so tightly wound up. You just need some dick to relax”

You scoffed at his words, “Taehyung, unlike you my life doesn’t revolve around sex okay? I’m honestly doing perfectly fine on my own.”

He looked at you with serious concern, “Okay, tell me this when’s the last time you got laid.”

Oh god, you were not going to tell Taehyung about your completely nonexistent sex and romantic life. 

You forced your eyes to the table, looking at the marble pattern, “Uh it’s been awhile.”

He asked curiously, “How long like 2 weeks? Or..”

You moved your eyes to your plate and said quietly, “I don’t know.”

You were staring at the syrup patterns in your waffle and Taehyung seemed to be getting fed up, “Cmon _____ I tell you about my life, just tell me.”

You snapped, angrily glaring at him, “Taehyung it’s really fucking hard to get laid when you haven’t even kissed a guy yet.” 

You saw his eyes widen in shock. 

This is so fucking embarrassing. You covered your face with your hands, mortified.

Great now he thinks I’m a prude or a weirdo. With your million thoughts running through your mind, you realized that Taehyung was silent this whole time.

You couldn’t take the awkward silence anymore, “Okay, I’m going to leave since like it’s really fucking awkward now.” You began to slide out of the booth, but then Taehyung grabbed your hand, “No! Sorry I didn’t mean to make it weird. I’m just shocked I guess.”

You sunk back down into the booth seat and snatched your hand away from him. 

“I don’t really think it’s a big deal that you haven’t done anything but like is there a reason why?”

“I dunno. School is just like all I focus on so it’s kept me busy.” 

“That’s such bullshit. School doesn’t occupy every waking moment of your life so there’s obviously more to it.”

You racked your brain. There were many reasons why. One of them sitting across the table in front of you. You could give him a partial truth. You sighed and fiddled with your fingers, “Because I want my firsts to be with someone I love. I’m so scared of regretting it if I just gave away those special moments to someone who didn’t actually care about me.” You paused then continued, “It’s dumb I know.”

Taehyung smiled, “That’s not dumb at all. I had no idea you were a romantic.”

You squinted at him, “Yea well if you tell anyone I will personally see to it that Hoseok makes you run laps until you puke.”

Taehyung rubbed his forehead with his hand, “You give a fucking headache you know that right? There’s this one side of you that’s like an innocent naive romantic and there’s the other side of you that will start a fight with anyone who underestimates you.”

You took your straw wrapper, crumbled it, and flicked it at Taehyung, “Fuck off. I’m not that complicated.”

He, of course, dodged it, “It’s okay cause I’m the only who knows both sides of you” he said with a wink. 

You internally winced because he had no idea how right he was.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You left the diner about 20 minutes later as Taehyung said he had soccer practice soon and you needed to get some work done. You were going through your mental checklist of things that needed to be done: I need to go to the grocery store and pick up some actual food I need to revise for chemistry because there’s an exam coming up. You were so invested in your thoughts that as you unlocked your room door you didn’t hear the distinct voices coming from inside. 

Your thoughts of your checklist were interrupted as you saw Hana and Jungkook laying in her bed (fully clothed thank god).

Your eyes widened and your jaw dropped at the sight. At the beginning of their friends with benefits relationship, Hana made it very clear to Jungkook, they would never hook up in her room. As a result, Jungkook had never been over. You knew Jungkook from your writing course. You and him worked together sometimes, but you two weren’t close friends. 

“Hey _____,” Jungkook said from the bed, in a casual voice.

“Um hey Jungkook,” you tried to say as calmly as possible because, internally, you were freaking out. If he was here, it meant something had definitely changed with Hana and Jungkook’s relationship at the frat party last night. You made eye contact with Hana and her face was completely red.

“So where were you this morning ________?” Hana said, trying to maintain a calm demeanor.

You set your purse on the swivel chair next to your desk and held up your bag of uneaten waffles, “I was at breakfast with Tae.”

“Oh nice. Are those.... leftovers?” Jungkook said in an innocent voice.

You threw the bag at him and he caught it, “Go for it. I didn’t really have much of an appetite.”

“Bet thanks,” he said, opening the paper bag and pulling out the cardboard box containing your chocolate chip waffles.

Hana looked disgusted and exclaimed, “You are not eating on my bed and getting crumbs everywhere!” Before Jungkook could retort, Hana pushed him to the ground.

“Ouch!” He said rubbing his leg that he bumped against the side of the bed. 

The room was awkwardly silent because you and Hana were both staring at each other, trying your best not to laugh at the situation. 

Jungkook broke the silence in a careful tone with a mouth full of waffles,”I thought Taehyung was...ya know..with someone.” He looked back and forth between you and Hana.

You said quietly, “Yea...he was.”

Hana folded her arms across her chest and said forcefully, “I don’t get him, _______. Like he literally doesn’t make any sense. I saw him last night. He was being so flirty with you. But then he goes and fucks some random girl? He’s just making things so confusing for you.”

You sighed and looked at the ground, “There isn’t anything to be confused about. He doesn’t like me. And I don’t like him. We’re just friends.”

“Well, why do you sound so sad then?” Jungkook asked from the ground. Fuck I forgot he was here.

You snapped, “I’m not sad. I’m fine. I don’t give a shit about who Taehyung hooks up with.”

Jungkook raises his hands in defeat, “Okay okay. But like I want to say, I’ve spent a lot of time with Taehyung these past few months and I’ve never seen him happier. And I know it’s cause you are in his life again. I don’t really know what his feelings are but I do know that you mean a lot to him.”

What does that mean? Does that mean he could maybe like me? No that’s crazy. He’s still fucking different girls every weekend. He couldn’t do that if he had feelings for me. 

Hana shook her head, “I don’t know. This all feels really weird to me. Boys are so fucking oblivious. Men are trash.” Jungkook looked up at her and pouted. 

“Except for you...I guess” she said looking down at him

You were so shocked at what was happening in front of so you just blurted out, “Okay I really need to ask because I’m so fucking weirded out right now, but are you two together?”

Jungkooks jaw dropped and he turned to face Hana. He said, hurt, “You didn’t tell ________ about us?”

“Oh shut up Jungkook. We’ve literally been together since last night. When would I have told her?“

You cleared your throat, “Wait wait just to clarify....you two are dating?”

Jungkook stood up and wrapped his arms around Hana tightly,“Yep she’s my girlfriend.”

Hana nodded weakly, “Yea I’m dating this idiot.”

You clapped your hands together, “Oh my gosh I’m so happy for you two! I’ve been rooting for this since Jungkook sent you that candy bouquet.”

Jungkook's phone started ringing and he looked at you, “It’s your man.” He answered the call before you could say anything.

 “Hey man, what’s up?” Jungkook paused before his eyes widened in realization, “Oh fuck I completely forgot. I’ll be there now.”  

He hung up the call and quickly started putting on his shoes and jacket, “I forgot we had a practice scheduled for today. I’m so fucking late.” 

Hana rolled her eyes, “You are so clueless” 

Jungkook was about to leave but he walked over to Hana and planted a kiss on her cheek, “I’m your clueless boyfriend now.” 

You saw her cheeks turn red and you knew she was head over heels for Jeon Jungkook. 

“Ugh just go to practice,” she said trying to remain cool. 

“Bye ______! Bye, love! I’ll text you when I’m done.” he slammed the door shut.

You turned to Hana and smiled widely teasingly, “Someone’s in loveeee.” 

“God I hate this,” Hana said, drowning her face in a pillow. 

“You’re so whipped. But good thing he’s a simp too. You’re both perfect for each other.”

She removed her face from the pillow and looked at you with a love struck gaze, “I am so whipped. I really like him ________. And I really like being with him. I never thought I would say this but he makes me really happy.”

Your heart melted at her words. Hana was only this sappy when she really meant it. You felt a sudden ping of sadness in your heart. It’s not that you didn’t want it. You wanted love. You wanted romance. But in order for any of that to happen, someone has to like you back. Someone has to want you in that way. And that’s only something that could happen in your dreams because you had always been the girl no one had a crush on. So your fairytale romance was something that was unattainable for you. You knew if you voiced these thoughts to Hana, she would tell you that you needed to try first. That you needed to actually tell that special someone that you liked them. But you couldn’t do that because you were so afraid of rejection, so afraid of letting someone in and having them walk right out.

She noticed your change in expression softly, “Hey. What’s actually going on with Taehyung?” 

You laid flat on your bed and exhaled deeply, “I don’t know. I just know I feel really unsure but I really don’t think I like him. I also think I need to stop hanging out with him.” 

She didn't press further, “If you think that’s what you need, I’ll support you.”

“Thank you Hana.” You were glad she didn’t start any arguments with you. She just listened to your wishes. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------You had been sitting in the library all morning trying to avoid Taehyung. Just all of the things that he did this past week had been making you feel ~things~ but you felt sure that you didn’t like him. You knew if you hid out in the library Taehyung would never find you mostly because you were certain he had never stepped foot in the library. You told Hana where you were and made her promise to not tell Taehyung so you were quite surprised when you heard a chair pull out in front of you and there was Taehyung and his mischievous smile.

“Hey strawberry girl,” he said plopping down in the chair in front of you.

You asked in a concerning tone, “Taehyung.... you realize you’re in the library right? Like you aren’t lost?” 

He was wearing black sweatpants with a plain white t-shirt. He looked like the dictionary definition of a fuckboi with his backwards black SnapBack on. With a confident smile on his face as he took out his laptop from his bag he stated, “Nope I’m exactly where I need to be.”

Alright what game is he playing? “What the fuck are you doing here?” you said in a harsh whisper. 

“You know what I realized? Everyone thinks you’re this naive innocent girl but I swear we have not had a single conversation where you didn’t say fuck.” He saw your pissed off face and then went on to say, “But if you are so curious, I’m here to do work. You’ve bailed on me all week claiming you had ‘work’ so here I am. You’ve really forced my hand. Bringing me to the library to study. Imagine that.”

“Taehyung, I came here to do work alone because you always distract me.”You looked up from your books and noticed the sly glint in his eye and realized what you had done. But it was too late. 

Taehyung broke out into his signature huge smile and said, “Oh so you find me distracting?”

“That’s not what I meant Taehyung. I mea-”

He ran his hand through his hair and raised his eyebrow at you, “Is it because of my insanely good looks or because of my witty charms?”

You dropped your head against the notebook lying out in front of you and then looked Taehyung directly in the eyes saying, “God, I hate you”

He raised his eyebrow in a cocky manner with a wide grin on his face, “You're lying.” 

“Oh fuck off.”

“It’s okay cause I know you love me.”

Your stomach did a flip flop. You caught yourself; he didn’t know anything because there was nothing to know. 

“How the fuck did you know I was here?” you said exasperated.

“Your best friend has a weak will. Maybe don’t trust her with secrets.” He then did his annoying wink that always sent chills up your spine. 

Why did Hana tell him? Whatever. It was too late now. You resumed taking your notes and luckily Taehyung was able to do his work quietly. 

You became absorbed in your biology textbook until you heard a squeal, “Taehyung!”

You looked up and saw a really pretty girl standing by your table. She looked vaguely familiar but you couldn’t place where exactly you had seen her. She had a huge smile on her face as she was intently staring at Taehyung. 

Taehyung looked up from his laptop with a bit of a shocked expression on his face. He glanced at you quickly and then looked at the girl, “oh hey Eunjae.”

She was twirling the front strand of her hair with her finger and giggled, “What are you doing here at the library? I’ve never seen you here before.”

He chuckled nervously and nodded his head to you, “I’m here studying with _________.”

She turned her head to you and flashed a gorgeous smile. You gave a smile back and then went back to looking at your notebook. “So what are you studying?” She said leaning her hands on the table, craning her neck to see his laptop. 

“Um I’m working on a paper. It’s due next week so I’m trying to work on it before I get busy with practice,” Taehyung said, typing on his computer. 

“Oh yea! The championship is next Saturday. I’m so excited to be there to cheer for you! I've been to every game this season so I would never miss your biggest game!” Eunjae said gushingly.

“Oh wow. That’s really nice of you to come to every game.” Taehyung said.

Ugh. If he’s going to flirt, why does he have to do it in front of me? You tried hard to focus on your biology notes but the conversation between Eunjae and Taehyung was especially distracting. You were hoping she would leave soon so you could study in peace but once she pulled out the chair next to Taehyung to sit down, you knew she wasn’t planning on leaving anytime soon. 

You tried to tune out their conversation but something Eunjae said caught your attention. You weren’t sure exactly how Eunjae and Taehyung knew each other. You figured it was because she came to every game but even Taehyung didn’t know that. Then she said softly, but definitely loud enough for you to hear, “You know, Tae, I had a really good time with you last weekend. I was wondering if we could maybe hang out this weekend or something.”

Last weekend? Then it clicked. Eunjae was the girl at the frat party. She was the girl who was sitting on Taehyung's lap. I guess Taehyung never actually blocked her number. Of course he wouldn’t. She’s a really pretty girl giving him attention. You internally rolled your eyes. 

You heard Taehyung clear his throat, “Uh yea. That sounds good. But like this would be just as friends?“

She gave a high pitch laugh “Of course! I just want us to be friends. And then I mean, whatever happens, happens right?”

Taehyung said, “Yea I mean that’s fine with me.”

You hoped the conversation would end there because it was becoming excruciatingly awkward for you since both of them were blatantly ignoring your presence. But of course it didn’t end there, and Eunjae began talking about the cheer team to Taehyung. 

You didn’t want to be rude but you honestly felt yourself losing brain cells at this conversation. 

You had enough of their flirting because it was distracting you from doing your work. Not because you were jealous or anything. You closed your notebook and started packing your stuff. The sound of your backpack zipper caught Taehyung's attention and snapped him out of his conversation with Eunjae. 

“Hey _______ you're done studying?”

You didn’t really wanna want to get into a conversation with Taeyhyung so you simply nodded.

But of course Taehyung wasn’t satisfied, “So what are you doing now?”

You rolled your eyes. Why couldn’t he for once mind his own business? Eunjae desperately wanted his attention. Why couldn’t he just give it to her and not involve you?

“Back to my dorm.” you said not looking at him. “Bye Eunjae. Bye Tae.” And you stalked off.

You didn’t look back at him. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You were going to murder Hana. You told her specifically not to tell Taehyung where you were. But what did she do? She told taehyung.

You burst your room dorm open and there she was laying on her bed, with her laptop balanced on her knees.

You smiled sweetly at her, “Hana, I'm going to kill you.”

“Perfect, because I’m really sick of studying for chemistry and if you could kill me before our exam next Wednesday, that would be great.” she said excitedly. 

You dumped your stuff on the ground and jumped onto your bed, “Maybe then I won’t kill you, so you can suffer.” 

She laughed, “Okay okay but what did I do?”

You tapped your index finger to your cheek, pretending to think, “Um...lemme jog your memory. Did a certain headass ask where I was today?”

Her smile dropped from her face, “Oh fuck.”

“Yea oh fuck. I told you that no matter what, Kim Taehyung was to not find me. What happened?” you exclaimed as you slammed your head against your pillow. 

Hana sat up straight in her bed, crossing her legs beneath her, “I’m sorry okay! I really did try to keep it a secret but he came over here because you weren't answering your phone. And I told him you were busy and he just kept on badgering me. I ended up telling him to shut him up.”

“Ugh. He actually came here? That’s so gross. Did he say what he wanted?”

“No he just said he needed to see you. Did he ask you anything at the library?”

You thought about it for a minute, “No he didn’t ask me anything.”

“Well then,” Hana said in a smug voice, crossing her arms. 

You turned your head to face her, “What?”

“It’s obvious _______.”

“What’s obvious?”

“Oh my gosh how are you this dense? He likes you.”

You scoffed in disbelief, “He doesn’t.”

“Cmon _______. When he came in here he was begging for me to tell him where you were, it was annoying but he was so genuine. I can tell there’s something.”

“There’s nothing.” you said flatly, turning away from Hana.

She said insistingly, “Why are you being so negative about this? He’s trying so much with you!”

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, “Hana, I can’t fucking like him. I did once and it fucked me over.”

She went quiet. “What happened?”

“When we were highschool, I liked him. I’m pretty sure I loved Tae. And I was so sure he felt the same way. He gave me so much attention just like now. He cared about me so much. I was so convinced he liked me too. And when I was going to tell him, he said he started dating someone. And that someone became his forever for highschool. It fucking hurted so much, seeing him with her. It broke my heart over and over. And I just needed to get the fuck away from him. Because the worst part was, he had no fucking idea I was hurting so bad. So yea, I don’t think he likes me and even so, I don’t like him anymore. I honestly don’t have the emotional capacity to fall in love again.”

Hana whispered, “I’m sorry. I think you’ve moved on and I don’t want you to go through it again. Whatever it is, I’ll be there for you. I’ll help you keep your distance from Taehyung.”

You opened your eyes and looked at her. You were so grateful to have such an understanding friend like Hana,  “Thanks. You’re such a good friend.” 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Your plan to keep distance from Taehyung was going down the drain really quickly. It started off with an unlikely text.

Jimin: hey ________ this is last minute but i had an idea. This is jimin btw.

Jimin texting you was a bit out of place. You had only exchanged brief hellos and words when you encountered each other. 

You: hey jimin. whats ur idea 

Jimin: taes birthday is during break so I was thinking we could surprise him and celebrate it early. 

You: when were you thinking 

Jimin: this Saturday. That way we can all have some fun before finals and the soccer match 

This Saturday was a bit soon but you figured if anyone could pull it off, it was Jimin. 

You: sounds good. But we better start planning right away

Jimin: already on it. Jin hyung said we could use his apartment 

Kim Seokjin. You hadn’t personally met the guy but you knew he was on the soccer team and in the BTS frat. However, since he was a senior, he lived in an apartment off campus. 

You: bet. We need to figure out food, desserts, and invites 

Jimin: do you want to meet up tonight to figure out all the details 

You: sure. 

Jimin: you can come by the frat tonight. Taehyung will probably be out.

After finishing some homework, you grabbed your jacket and walked over to the BTS frat. As you approached the door, you saw Jungkook and Hana leaving. 

“_______? Are you here to see Taehyung? I think he just left,”  she said with concerning eyes.

“Hey Hana. I’m actually here to see Jimin.”

Her mouth gaped open but before she could ask you any questions Jungkook pulled her along.

“Sorry, love, but you can interrogate ______ later. We’re going to be late!”

“Bye Hana! “ you called as she waved bye.

You walked into the house and saw Jimin sitting there with Namjoon and Hoseok. You knew Namjoon because he was your biology lab TA. He had helped you with many frustrating biology labs and he was probably the only reason why you were passing the class. You only heard about Hobi from Tae’s stories of soccer practice. 

“Hey_____!” `Jimin called motioning for you to sit down.

“Hey,” you gave a little wave to all of them. 

Hobi smiled brightly “I don’t think we’ve met properly but I’m Hobi. “

You smiled and introduced yourself to him. 

“Finished with your biology lab presentation?” Namjoon said with his dimpled smile. 

You chuckled nervously and brushed your hair behind your ear “Uhh working on it. It’s taking much longer than I thought it would.”

“Phylum Nematoda is definitely a hard topic because there’s not that much information,” he said understandingly.

“I know and it’s jus-“

Jimin interjected your incoming rant, “As riveting biology lab is, we are here for a reason.”

“Right! So Yoongi is taking care of the catering. He has a family restaurant that he claims served the best korean food in the area so we don’t need to worry about that,” Hobi said reading off his phone.

“And Jimin knows all of Taehyung's friends so he will take care of all the invites,” Namjoon said.

“And all there’s left is the theme and desserts,” Jimin confidently stated.

You were confused “Theme? Why do we need a theme?”

“It would be fun ________!” Jimin said. “It can be lowkey but I was thinking we should do a formal theme. To appeal to Taehyung's bougie side.”

You thought for a moment and nodded, “Taehyung honestly does love getting dressed up.”

Hobi stood up from the couch and said, “Okay so then it’s settled. Everything is planned.”

Namjoon laughed and you chimed in, “Not yet. But I can take care of the last part. I’ll order a cake for Taehyung and have it delivered to Jin’s apartment.”

Jimin stood up and stretched his arms, “Okay, now everything is planned.”

You got up and said goodbye to Namjoon and Hobi as Jimin walked with you to the door. 

Jimin smiled at you, “Thanks for coming and helping us plan this. Taehyung’s going to love it. He’ll definitely surprised”

You both stepped outside and stood on the porch. “I mean I’m not sure how much I’m doing but I'm glad to help,” You said with a light laugh. 

“Well we’ll try to clean up Jin hyung’s apartment and decorate it on Saturday before the party. If you're free, we could definitely use the help then.”

“Yea I’ll be there. You can text me the details.”

You were about to head down the steps and say bye to Jimin when you saw Taehyung and someone else walking up to the house. 

You were trying to see if there was maybe a way you could hide from him or leave from a side path but it was too late. Taehyung had seen you.

“_______! You’re here? You didn’t tell me you would be coming over” he said walking onto the porch. You didn’t recognize the girl he was with but with her arms wrapped around Taehyung, it was clear that they were going to hook up. 

You gave Jimin a panicked look. Before you could say anything Jimin put his arm around your shoulder, just like how Taehyung did at the party, and said, “Well she wasn’t here to see you. She was here to hang out with me.”

You smiled weakly ,“Yep. Jimin and I were just studying chemistry. We have an exam coming up/”

“Yep chemistry,” he said nodding.

Taehyung had a weird look as if he were mad or something. His eyes lit up with a dangerous, angry glint that sent a shiver down your spine, “Oh. That’s nice. I didn’t realize you guys studied together.” 

You knew Taehyung well enough to know that he was using his fake polite voice. Jimin glanced at you and you realized he also knew that Taehyung was angry.

“I just was having some trouble and _______ said she would help.” 

Taehyung's eyes narrowed, “Maybe you should just get a tutor next time.”

You could sense the tension escalating, “Yea that’s probably for the best. I don’t think I was very helpful anyways.”

Taehyung opened his mouth to say some retort but the girl by his side whined, “Taehyung, can we please go inside?”

You smirked. Taehyung had been kind of irritating you with his weird interrogation so you plastered a fake smile and said in a fake sweet voice “Yea Taehyung. You should go inside. It’s getting cold out here. Bye Jimin.” You waved bye to Jimin and gave a glare to Taehyung.

God, boys give you a fucking migraine.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You and Taehyung had been in that weird fight for about a day before things went back to normal. He just texted you as if nothing happened 

Tae: are you busy Saturday night?

Saturday evening was Taehyung's surprise party so hopefully he wasn’t making plans then.

You: uh not sure yet. What’s up?

Tae: the guys are having a dinner to like get hyped for the game next week. Do u wanna come?

Ah. That must have been the excuse to get Taehyung to Jin’s apartment.

You: lolll no way. but try to have fun and not stress out about the game 

Tae: ugh ig. wish you wanted to come tho :(

You: we can hang out some another time. 

Tae: you say that EVERYTIME.

You: i mean it this time 

Tae: i’m holding you to it 🍓 girl

You turned off your phone and tried to fall asleep but the warm fuzzy feeling in your heart kept you awake. The sound of your phone ringing woke you up. 

You answered the phone groggily “Hello?”

“_______? Did you just wake up? I told you I was going to pick you up at 9:30!”

You looked at your phone. 9:21. Fuck. 

“I’m up and ready Jimin. No need to freak out.”

“Good cause I’ll be there in five.”

Hana groaned from her bed, “Why are you up this early?” 

“I have to go help set up but I should be back by 4.”

“You better. We have to get ready together.”

You quickly brushed, washed your face, and pulled on sweatpants and a hoodie. By the time you had your shoes on, Jimin was texting you to come outside. You said bye to Hana and raced out the door. You spotted Jimin waving in his black Audi and jumped in the car. You and Jimin chatted on the way there. You found yourself actually enjoying Jimin's company. He was very smart which you already knew since he was taking the same pre-med courses as you but he was also very sweet and funny. He pulled up to a very tall apartment building and you both got out of the car. You helped take out some of the boxes from Jimin's trunk that had tablecloths, plates, and other silverware. You two made your way up to the 7th floor where Jin lived. Jimin led you to his door and knocked. The door swung open and there was Kim seokjin. 

“Jimin! You’re late! It’s 9:41 and you said you would be here by 9:40.”

“Shut up, hyung,” he said, shaking his head.

You got a good look at Jin and he looked like he came off of the vogue runway with his blue button down tucked into brown slacks. Were all of Taehyung's friends seriously good looking? You finally understood why there was so much hype around them. They were all hardworking, handsome, but also genuinely kind, funny, down to earth guys. 

Jin took the box from your arms and said, “You must be ________. Nice to finally meet you. I’m Jin. I’m the most handsome and funny one of the BTS frat.”

You were taken aback by his forward ness but went along with his comment, “I mean your only competition is Taehyung and Jimin so no wonder that is.”

He laughed loudly, “See even she agrees and she just met me Jimin.”

Jimin rolled his eyes as he put down the boxes, “You can’t encourage him. It’ll only get worse”

Jimin, Jin and you cleaned his apartment and began to decorate. After listening to what it seemed like the 30th dad joke from Jin, you heard the doorbell ring. Jimin went over to the door and it was a guy who looked like Jin’s age carrying foil covered trays. He was wearing an oversized flannel and black skinny jeans. 

“I brought the food but there’s still a shit ton more trays in my car,” he said as he entered. 

He placed the trays in the kitchen and looked at you, “Who are you?”

“I’m _______” you said as you took the tray Jimin handed to you.

“Ah you're Taehyungie's girl. I’m yoongi, one of his hyungs on the team.”

You placed the tray on the table, “Nice to meet you. But I’m not Taehyung's girl. Just a friend.”

He laughed, “Maybe you should tell him that. He’s constantly talking about you. ________ made me cupcakes. ________ helped me study. ________ went to breakfast with me.“

You fought back a blush and said in a bored tone, “Yea well, We’re just friends. He doesn’t like me and I don’t like him. I’m so sure at this party he won’t even talk to me. I bet he’ll be busy with Jennie or something.” You felt like Taehyung always got distracted with other people whenever you guys went out. That’s why it always ended with you ditching Taehyung. 

“Really? I’ll take that bet. $20?” Yoongi stuck out his hand.

“Bet,” you said, shaking his hand. “He has to imitate the conversation and it can’t be small talk.”

Yoongi nodded in agreement picking up a tray and putting it in the oven,“Can’t wait to make $20 tonight.”

“In your dreams.” you said as you helped him put another tray in the oven.

The cake you ordered got delivered and Jin placed the large strawberry chocolate cake in the fridge. 

Since everything was ready, you and Jimin were about to head out from Jin's apartment. 

Hobi called from the kitchen in a stern voice, “You both have to be here by 7:30 otherwise I will make you run laps.” 

You and Jimin laughed and said goodbye to Hobi.

By the time you got to your dorm, you were kinda exhausted but Hana wouldn't hear it.

“Get up!” She said tugging your arm as you laid on your bed. You reluctantly got up and got ready with Hana. Hana had to force you to actually buy a nice outfit for Taehyung's birthday because you had left most of your nice clothing at home. You helped lace up the back of Hana’s dress and looked at her in admiration. She was wearing a satin navy blue dress that coordinated perfectly with Jungkook's navy suit. 

You opted for a floor length skirt that was black with dark pink and white flowers and simple black top. 

Once you and Hana were finally ready your phone read 7:15. Hana and you raced out the door after putting on your shoes and found Jungkook leaning against his car outside. 

He walked up to Hana and placed a kiss on her cheek and smiled, “Wow, love, you look...so beautiful. I mean you always do but wow.”

Hana gave a shy laugh ,“You have such a way with words. You look handsome too, I guess. C'mon we have to go! Hobi is going to kill us.”

Jungkook opened the door for Hana and looked at you and smirked, “Wow ________ not wearing jeans. It’s a fucking miracle. But I guess she’ll do anything for Tae. Am I right?” 

He opened the door for you and you narrowed your eyes at him, “I suggest you watch it Jeon Jungkook if you still want me to proofread your next essay.” 

He smirked at you as he hopped into the driver's seat and drove to Jin's apartment. 

You hadn’t realized how many people Jimin invited until you went up into Jin's apartment. Jimin had invited, of course, Jennie and the cheerleading squad, some guys from some other frats like EXO and ATEEZ and sororities like TWICE and LOONA. It honestly felt like way too many people but Taehyung was a social butterfly.

By 8:00 Namjoon arrived at Jin's apartment with Taehyung in tow. The surprise went well but you couldn’t really see much as you lingered in the back of the crowd with Yoongi. 

“You know you can’t actively hide from Taehyung. That’s not a part of the bet,” Yoongi said as he shoved his hands in his dress pants pockets. 

“I’m not actively hiding. I just don’t like crowds,” You said shrugging your shoulders. 

Yoongi nodded, understanding the feeling. You got a glimpse of Taehyung and he looked like he just got off of a photo shoot for GQ with his black curly hair and silver earrings. He was wearing a fitting black suit with white shirt and black Tie. Instead of a handkerchief, he had a dark pink carnation pinned to his suit jacket. He was saying hello to everyone, greeting all of his guests in a friendly manner and genuinely chatting with them. You really liked that about Taehyung. He obviously had his people he didn’t like but he was always kind to everyone. He was heading in your direction but Taehyung got pulled aside by Jennie. She pulled him to the couch and practically sat on top of him. Jennie looked really pretty wearing a short satin dark green dress. You sighed, once again feeling those familiar feelings of insecurity. You knew once Jennie got to Taehyung, he would be completely distracted by her. Well at least I’ll get $20 out of it. You sat down on the opposite side of the couch and looked around.

Hana was dancing with Jungkook. Hobi and Jin were trying to get more people up and having fun. Namjoon was with his girlfriend, talking with Yoongi and a couple other guys. 

You were wondering where Jimin went but then you felt someone sit next to you on the couch and heard his voice, “Hey _________ why aren’t you dancing?”

You turned to Jimin and saw his beautiful smile flashing at you, “Not really one for dancing I guess. Hana’s the one who dances.”

“Bullshit. Everyone dances. You just gotta be comfortable and have fun.”

“I guess.” You shrugged “There’s just a lot of people here.”

He smiled sheepishly, “Yea I guess I went overboard with the invites.”

“Well I mean as long as Taehyung is enjoying himself,” you said trailing off and glancing in the direction of him. Jennie was still on him, with her hands traveling on his jacket and his tie. You felt a bit nauseous at the sight. 

“I think Taehyung is having a good time,” Jimin said laughing at him and Jennie.

You felt that Jimin might have sensed a bit of sadness from you at the fact that you had worked hard on this party for Taehyung and he wasn’t even talking to you as Jimin spent the next hour or so sitting and talking with you. 

You could totally understand how Jimin got so many girls with his enchanting smile and charming personality. Your conversation about the stupidity of learning about the cow digestive system in biology was interrupted by Hobi calling everyone over to cut the cake.

Jin placed the cake you had specially ordered for Taehyung in front of him. Taehyung glanced at you for a second because who else would get him a cake covered in your shared favorite fruit. Jennie clung to his arm and squealed, “Okay let’s sing!” 

After singing happy birthday, Jin sliced the cake while you and Yoongi took out the food. 

“Seems like you’ll be giving me $20 tonight,” you said softly to Yoongi. 

“Hmm, I'm still pretty confident. A little hindered for sure, but I do think you’ll be the one losing twenty bucks,” he said smoothly, uncovering the foil from the trays.

You shook your head and resumed sitting on the couch while everyone got food and cake.

You were scrolling through Instagram and suddenly felt your arm being pulled.

By the time you fully registered what was going on, you realized you were being dragged to the guest bedroom in Jin's apartment. 

“Ow what the fuck!” You exclaimed, yanking your arm from the person's grip. You looked up and you saw Kim Taehyung.

He closed the door of the bedroom and walked right up to you. You had to almost crane your neck to look up at him. He looked pissed off. It was kinda hard to tell because his curls covered his eyes slightly but you could tell by his silence he was mad. But you were annoyed at his behavior: him ignoring you all night, Jennie being all over him, and him physically dragging you from the party.

You crossed your arms, “What’s your problem Taehyung? Why did you do that?”

Probably not the best way to start off a conversation with the birthday boy but you didn’t really care.

“Excuse me? You’re asking me what my problem is?” Had his voice always been this deep or is it because he’s angry?

“That’s what I fucking said, right?” You said back aggressively. 

Then he growled. You had never been particularly intimidated by Taehyung but right now, you were questioning all of that. 

“How about the fact that you didn’t talk to me all night? It’s my party for me and you spent the entire night eye fucking Park Jimin. You were talking to him all night and didn’t say a word to me!” He leaned his face closely to yours. His eyes were a fierce obsidian. You could smell his cologne, your knees went weak.

Why the fuck was he acting like this? Was he being jealous or was he actually just mad his friend didn’t say hi? Probably the second one.

You put crossed your arms defensively and stabbed your index finger into his chest, refusing to back down, “Okay Taehyung, chill the fuck out. I was just talking to Jimin because he sat next to me and actually talked to me. You literally went and said hi to everyone but me so it seems like you were ignoring me. Also, how could I come and talk to you when Jennie was sitting on your dick the entire party?”

He scoffed at you, “She wasn’t sitting on my dick. You could have walked over and just said hi. I don’t get why you’re hanging out so much. You’re mine.”

You widened your eyes at his words but before you could say anything He cleared his throat, “I mean you’re my friend.”

You were getting fed up with Taehyung's childish behavior, “Okay first of all, we are just friends. And I’m allowed to have other friends that aren’t you. And you don’t get to say anything about me talking to Jimin because that’s more than you did. Sometimes, I don’t understand you, Taehyung. I never say anything about the way you live your life so why are you saying shit about mine. But I guess if it isn’t clear enough, Jimin and I are friends and if your whiny male ego can’t handle that, then maybe we shouldn’t be friends.” You narrowed your eyes at him and then left the room.  

You were furious. How dare he say anything about you when all you do is try to be a good friend? This just reaffirmed your feelings about Taehyung: you didn’t like him. He was completely reckless. He was being so weirdly possessive and jealous even though you two were not dating and didn’t have feelings for each other. 

You put your face in your hands and sighed deeply. You felt completely drained and just wanted to go back to your bed to curl up and watch a documentary. These past couple weeks had been so busy that you barely stress baked other than the cookies you made on Monday.

You felt someone sit besides you on the couch and you peeked out of your hands. It was Taehyung. His head hung low with his curls completely covering his eyes.

He whispered in a hoarse voice, “I’m sorry. I'm a dick. And inconsiderate. And a jerk. And I shouldn’t have said those things. I don’t know why I did but I did. And I’m sorry.”

He looked at you and you saw his puppy dog eyes and melted immediately. How the fuck does he have so much control over you?

“It’s okay,” you said quietly

“No it’s not. You didn’t deserve that. You literally planned this party for me. You’re such a caring friend and I’m an asshat.”

You laughed softly, “I mean that’s true but it’s okay cause I know you're sorry.”

“Do you wanna get out of here?”

“What? Like leave?”

“Yea. I like this party and all but it's getting a little hard to breathe in here,” He said tugging on his shirt collar.

You laughed, “I’m always down to ditch a party.”

He pulled you up by the hand and led you through the crowd. He grabbed something from one of the coats hanging by the door and walked out of Jin's apartment with you in tow. You honestly had no idea where you were going but Taehyung kept a firm grip on your hand as he pressed the G button on the elevator. 

“Taehyung where are we going?” You said insistently. 

“Just relax. Don’t worry. I’ll bring you back to his apartment in one piece,” He said with that iconic mischievous glint in his eye. He led you to Jimin's black audi and opened the door for you. You got in and then he got into the driver's seat.

“Does Jimin know you took his car?” you said pointedly. 

“Jimins has been pissing me off and it’s my birthday so he’ll be fine,” Taehyung said as he put his hand behind your chair looking to the rear view window to back up.

You kinda forgot about the destination part of the journey as Taehyung drove. You got lost in the moment of chatting with him about his friends while The Weeknd played in the background. You snapped back to reality when Taehyung put the car in park and you looked around. He had parked in a vacant parking lot overlooking the sea. You stepped out of the car and heard the soft crashing of waves. The scent of salt water immediately relaxed you.

“Nice right?” Taehyung said, making his way to the hood of the car. 

You nodded, taking in the beauty and calming scenery, “How did you find this place?”

“I came out to take photos this morning and I drove around the area and stumbled on this place. I knew you would love it.” He sat on the hood of the car and patted the space next to him. You hopped onto the hood of the car and stared at Taehyung. You were always aware that Taehyung was insanely good looking but moments like this where you two were alone and you could clearly see him made you really appreciate everything about him. His boyish innocence, his kind nature, his ability to actually apologize for his actions. It only took the words ‘I’m sorry’ from Taehyung to make you forgive him. 

Your eyes drifted to shine that caught your eyes. It came from the rings on his hands. His fucking hands. How the fuck did Taehyung make hands look attractive? You loved the way he wore simple silver rings on his long fingers, the way he always wore the same three bracelets on his wrists, and his vintage Cartier watch on his right hand he received from his parents. You realized you had been staring at his hands for quite some time because he waved his hand in front of your face and said, “Hello? Earth to _______? Why are you staring at my hands?”

You felt a blush creep over your face.“Oh sorry. I just was looking at your rings. It’s cool,” You tried to say as nonchalantly as possible. 

“Thanks. I saw Jimin wearing rings the other day and it looked really good so I decided to incorporate it into my style.“

You cleared your throat, trying to change the subject, “So are you and Jennie like together or?”

He chuckled nervously and started to mess with hair like he usually did when he was getting nervous, “No. I mean like we fuck occasionally but like we aren’t an official couple.”

“Oh. That makes sense. I just wasn’t sure with the way she was acting today. It seemed like you guys were a couple. Other than the fact you weren’t matching.” You said with a small laugh.

“Yea. I’m honestly not sure why she’s like that. Whenever she sees me when there are other people around, she gets so clingy. And I don’t really know what to say to her because I’ve made it clear that it’s just sex,” he said, adjusting his watch on his hand. Then he looked at you, “Why do you ask?”

“Oh no reason. Just wanted to make sure.”

“Why? If I said we were together, would you ditch me again?” Taehyung said in a serious tone. 

You realized he was referencing how you two became distant once he started dating Yejin. 

“Taehyung, it’s more complicated than that.”

“Why is it complicated? You gave me a completely bullshit answer when I asked you.”

You sighed and turned your gaze away from him to the blue sea in front of you, “Because Tae, you can’t have a girlfriend and a girl best friend. Your girlfriend should be your girl best friend. Having both makes things complicated and I didn’t want to fuck anything up between you and Yejin. It was just easier to become distant from you.” That was partly the truth. You didn’t want to be that girl in the relationship and you truly felt that Yejin and Taehyung's relationship deserved to grow without any obstacles. Because that’s what you were: an obstacle in their love. 

Taehyung gently placed his hand over yours, “I wish you told me that. I thought you hated me or something.”

You tore your gaze from the crashing waves and looked into Taehyung's dark eyes “I could never hate you.”

He smiled  and winked, “Don’t worry. I know that strawberry girl. It’s comforting to know you’re just as whipped for me as I am for you.” 

You pushed his shoulder, “Shut up. I’m not fucking whipped for your dumbass.”

He went quiet for a moment and looked deep into your eyes, “I think it’s really sweet you're waiting for love. That you want to experience your firsts with someone you love.”

“You don’t have to say that. It’s really fucking lame.” you said, playing with the ends of your hair, twisting the strands around your fingers. 

“I don't think so. It actually makes perfect sense for you.”

“What do you mean?” you said confused, not understanding what he was saying.

“I mean there's a lot of different types of girls. Some like to fuck different people and some would rather not. And that's all fine because everyone has their preferences and a right to live their life the way they want to. I think girls like you are meant for something lasting, girls like you are meant for love.” 

You wish you could tell him all of your insecurities about love and romance; that you couldn't possibly fathom someone liking you back but of course, you had insecurities about talking about your insecurities. 

All you said was, “One day.”

“I think you’ll find the love of your life soon. You better introduce me to him right away.” He said chuckling, bumping his shoulder against yours.

It was getting really dark but you and Taehyung kept talking as if you had all the time in the world. 

“Okay, what’s your favorite quote?” Taehyung excitedly asked. He always came up with the most random but interesting questions to ask you. 

“Like from a movie or book or show or poetry?”

“Anything. I know you watch and read a lot of stuff so you must have some lines that have stuck with you.” 

“Um. Lemme think. You have to do yours too.”

“Okay bet. Well mine is ‘I wish they would only take me as I am’. Van Gogh said it,” he said in a soft tone. 

“Why do you like it?” 

“I just...feel like everyone has this perception of me you know? And I have to live up to it.”

“What perception do you think people have of you?”

“I guess the perception that I’m some stupid frat boy who only cares about soccer. I can’t have things I care about like photography or school. I constantly have to be this upbeat happy guy. I can’t have other feelings than that. I can’t have people I care about like my hyungs or you. And I’m automatically a douche for sleeping around. I mean I just wish people understood that I never try to fuck with feelings and I’m always upfront about everything. And no one ever wants to talk to me and get to know who I am. It feels like everyone wants something from me. I just wish” he exhaled deeply, like all of his anxieties were coming out of him, “that people took me as I am.”

You were quiet for a moment. Taehyung had a lot of expectations weighing on him and you had never really considered this internal conflict he was having. You said sincerely, “I hope you get to a point in your life where you don’t have to pretend for other people.”

“I don’t have to pretend when I’m with you.”

You smiled at him “I like the real Taehyung. The one who likes sitting by the ocean and taking pictures of his friends.”

He leaned back on his arms “I’m hoping other people will too. Okay, your turn.”

“Um okay, so mine is from a book. ‘Each of us is more than the worst thing we’ve ever done’. It’s from the book Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson.”

“Why do you like that quote?” 

You thought for a moment carefully choosing your words, “Because so many people are hard on themselves. Myself included. And we like to beat ourselves up for the mistakes we made. Just dwell on it and let these mistakes define us. It’s hard to pick yourself back up and move forward. But I guess that quote gives me hope. For myself, for humanity.”

Taehyung nodded “I agree. It’s beautiful. I think, humans as a whole, we just are wired to constantly critique ourselves.”

You added, “And also, as a society, we tend to dehumanize anyone who does make a mistake. Like with our system of law and order. Our entire justice system is fucked and is a form of systemic racism that cultivates a binary understanding of morality. It punishes individuals who make mistakes rather than working on reform. It’s just-” you realized you had been talking for a while and turned red, “Sorry I kinda just went off there”

Taehyung just stared at you with awe, “No I like hearing you talk. You’re so fucking smart. Keep going, I wanna hear more about how our justice system is fucked.”

You felt your heart flutter at his words. You continued to explain to Taehyung about the internalized racism in the American justice system and the contemporary issues that are rooted in the systemic oppression of people of color as he listened intently. 

After talking for a little while longer, Taehyung glanced at his watch. “It’s almost midnight. We should probably head back.” 

You agreed and went to the car. The drive back was peaceful, with you two just enjoying each other’s company. Taehyung parked Jimin's car and you guys headed up to Jin’s apartment.

Before you knocked on Jin's apartment door, Taehyung pulled you to the side. He was holding your hand gently, “Hey. I’m really sorry for how I acted today. It was really bad and you had every right to be mad at me.”

“Tae I told you. It’s okay I’m over it.”

“I know. Thanks for making this night fun.” Then he leaned and planted a kiss on your forehead. You felt his warmth envelop you. Your cheeks turned red immediately and you felt your heart pounding. It felt like time had slowed down as his eyes completely entranced yours. Completely mesmerized, you thought, All I really want to know is what’s running through your mind when you look at me.

You tried to ignore the feeling of your heart melting so you crossed your arms defensively and retorted, “Even though you ditched the fucking party I planned.”

He smirked and knocked on Jin's door, “We both know you wanted to leave.”

Yoongi opened the door and when he saw the two of you standing at the door, a huge smile spread on his face,  “Well. Look who it is. I guess the lovely matching couple finally decided to join the party.”

You and Taehyung looked at each other. Fuck. It does look like you’re matching. Taehyung's dark pink carnation pinned to his black and white suit coordinated perfectly with your pink and white flowered black skirt. 

“Fuck off,” you glared at Yoongi.

Taehyung just laughed and entered the apartment. As you brushed past Yoongi, he snarked “So where’s my $20?” 

You flipped him off, “You’ll get it later.”

You saw that most people were gone which was a bit strange but it made clean up easier. It was just the BTS guys, Hana and you at Jin's apartment from what you could tell. You got to helping Hana clean up all the trash lying around. You were pretty absorbed in cleaning up and didn’t notice all the snickering coming from the direction of the BTS guys.

You looked at Hana in confusion and she shrugged her shoulders, also confused what they were talking about.

You heard Jimin and Hobi laughing really hard and looked over. You saw them doubled over in laughter and a very angry Jin. 

“Why the fuck is this happening to me?” He grumbled. 

Jungkook patted his shoulders, “Hey hyung. You just gotta let it go. It’s his birthday.”

Then it clicked to you that you hadn’t seen Taehyung since you guys entered the apartment. Hana and you walked over to the kitchen where they all were standing. 

Hana, with her hands on her hips, stated, “What in the world is going on? Why are you guys laughing and why is Jin mad?”

They all go silent and look at you. 

You furrow your eyebrows, “What? Why are you all looking at me?”

Then you hear it. A very loud and clear moan of Taehyung's name by none other than Jennie. Somehow you manage to remain emotionless and maintain a stone cold face but internally you felt your heart sink to the ground. 

“So you guys were laughing over the fact that Taehyung is fucking Jennie in Jin’s guestroom?” You scoffed, “How old are you guys? Five? I’m trying to go home as soon as possible so if we could all hurry this all up, it would make my life infinitely easier.”

You turned your back to the group and hope they bought your indifferent reaction. You continued to clean the apartment and tried to breathe shallow breaths. You tried to ignore the sounds coming from the room as much as you could but Jennie and Taehyung were being very vocal. You felt sick, with waves of nausea hitting you. After 20 minutes, you felt like your head and heart were going to explode. 

“Hey Hana. I’m really tired so I’m going to head back.”

She had a concerned look on her face, “Do you want me to come with you?”

“No, no I’m fine. I’m going to crash as soon as I get back.”

She nodded, “Okay text me when you reach.”

You gave her a hug and waved bye to the guys. You somehow were able to find the strength to make it back to your dorm.

The second you closed the door to your dorm, you sunk to the ground and the tears you had kept in came pouring out.

It hurt.

Fuck it hurt. 

author’s note: thanks for reading! lmk if ur enjoying the fic so far and if u would like to be tagged. pt 3 will be up soon!

tags: @fleurmoon @tangledsparkles @chocolatebelievercrusade @brokenobserver @ncitydreamies @soulstaes @bonnyskies @thelilbutifulthings @busansgloss @imluckybitches @xlectrahearts