#not in a fun way :(
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california votes pleaseee come in california votes pleaseee
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And a happy new year....I think?
facing 2025 I've been a bit in shock all day, because to be totally honest, a part of me is surprised I lived through 2024. It was one of the hardest years of my life, and mentally, definitely the darkest. A lot of good things happened to me in 2024 (a film I worked on got into a prestigious festival, I finished university, I ate a really good bagel this one time) but with it came more pain and instability than I was prepared to deal with, and it's not the kind of thing that can be resolved in just a year, I'm gonna be taking these burdens forward into 2025.
There's not really a point to this rambling, but this is MY blog and I say what I want. I'm mixed parts hopeful and terrified of another year, but at the moment, it's just one day at a time.
#merc speaks#yeah not art but i want to talk about it! year was crazy insane and i too went crazy insane#not in a fun way
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Visiting family today 🙃
#i love em#theyre just a lot#not in a fun way#was up all night baking bread for them to calm my nerves#🙃🙃🙃#gilverrrambles
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I think I lost my notebook with my full name on it. It's about my life and vulgar sex details and my non-monogamous thoughts about the older man I had a thing with a long time ago
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We get a Ratchet flashback scene in chapter 8, folks. Strap in, it’s gonna be rough
#he’s going to be so mean to Roddy#not in a fun way#like he’s going to rip into him#deservedly#I can’t wait#transformers fanfiction#idw ratchet#idw rodimus#winnersandlosersfic#megarod#megarod fanfic
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Oh no the camera is full of spit now.
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Shit
I am spiraling
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I will be fine I know that
But still I’m small:(
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Me oh yeah yeah I'm fine not going to explode at all
#goblin speaks#im going to explode#not in a fun way#i was just trying to do fuckin laundy and when i got back to the apartment door i opend the screen door and it suctioned the normal door#shut. and i dont have keys on me so im locked out and my aunt is two hours away at my moms house#and the one apartment person that could help is put camping#my bike is locked up#im not dressed to go anywhere. so i dont wanna take the bus#so.now i just have to rot away in the laundy building for two hours#my phone is at 52%.....
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inevitable "Fallout"
I guess it counts as minor SPOILER,
but, speaking from unfortunate experience:
if you consider checking out “Fallout” solely because you've heard it has Michael Emerson's character befriend a dog –
– DON'T!
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Apparently I found out tumblr brought back porn 9 months after the fact. So that's how up to speed I am on current events, just in case anyone is wondering...
*This is my favorite gif, probably forever.
#a couple of those months I can let go#I was not ready#but that probably would have helped a TON when I tried to get back into cam#/online nakedness whatever#the beginning of the year was really hard#not in a fun way#I can't help myself#anyway#I handled it really well#and the year continues to be one of the hardest#but I'm still handling it really well#the last two and a half years have been a rebirth#losing everything I ever was#and starting to build something new#I don't know what it is yet#but I can feel it#I think that I have done so much healing#and then I look back a couple months and cringe#like wow I thought I was doing better then#and I know I will feel that way about right now#honestly I just don't know how to live with this much heartbreak#I know that it's about unconditional love#and I have that#and that I have to love myself#I used to have that#I have to make it on my own#and not need anyone to take care of me#I don't think I need that anymore#despite being very very poor lol#I think deep inside I have to know that I can do it
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Is anyone else getting their butt absolutely kicked by work this week?
I feel like I'm melting
🫠
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Denim jacket soaking in bleach and water overnight and now it’s the color of piss.
Good thing I love piss 😏
#I’m dying it some shade of yellow tomorrow anyway so this is fine#dying? dyeing? is it dyeing?#oh… okay it is dyeing. that keep the E in there. good to know good to know#I underestimated how heavy duty this denim is. wow. it’s heavy.#makes me feel a little guilty for fucking with it#my bathroom smells of bleach soooo bad!#I usually honestly love the smell of bleach. I use it a bunch for cleaning. so good.#but this is like… potent.#it’s been sitting in a big bucket in my bathtub and the smell is brain damage inducing#not in a fun way#oh well. gonna drain it and begin rinsing when I get home later#the jacket looks like a bloated jaundiced corpse#oh well…#rest in piss#text
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Is anyone else actually physically incapable of liking things normally to the point where it literally sucks the life out of you and consumes you 👍👍 like I do not know anything other than painful obsession over things I enjoy
#not in a fun way#I don’t know if it’s some kind of Mental Problem but i want it to stop#I have never liked anything normally in my entire life#why can’t I stop thinking about British freaks all day. genuinely why#I don’t even want to make art if it’s not related to my interest
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