#not having time or energy to do creative stuff gets me so pent up too

[simlit]

3, 6, 7, 9, 13, 19, 22, 24, 25, for VEN

What is your OCs fatal flaw? Are they aware of this flaw?

In his current state? Probably his selflessness. He gives too much to people and has a hard time drawing lines if it's someone he deeply cares about. Case in point, letting Naida more or less railroad the entire family into chasing the Fountain of Youth. In his defense, Naida isn't really someone you can win fights against, but considering the dangerous nature of the voyage, one would think he should have fought against it a lot harder. I do think he's aware of it, but not in a way he can actively check, because it's a lot of him overcompensating for the way he used to be and the things he's done. So I guess a larger and probably more fatal flaw is the fact that he carries around so much guilt and does a lot in the name of reparations.

How easily could your OC be convinced to do something that goes against their moral compass?

Easily, but tbh I feel this is one thing Ven shares with Kato. His morals can be bent depending on who is involved and the consequence of the situation. Ven isn't standing on moral highground in the first place, despite understanding right and wrong well enough. He certainly doesn't care enough about authority not to break rules, and as far as life or death is concerned, a life will always matter less to him if they're at odds with someone he loves. That being said, I think he's resourceful enough to find ways around making risky choices.

What's one way your OC has changed since you first came up with them?

Also a really fun question, cuz I haven't thought about it in years LOL. Though Ven stayed mostly the same from conception, he was supposed to be a bit more "roguish" even after his Reaper years. More of the typical pirate: loose, unkempt and thieving. But he ended up being way more charitable and straightlaced than I'd initially planned, but that ironed itself out almost immediately so I don't really consider it to have been "the plan" just "what I had had in mind at some point" lmao. Now the idea of Ven sleeping around with literally anyone is goddamn baffling to me.

Do you have a specific lyric or quote which you associate with your OC?

Every single word of his theme song, "The Balancer's Eye" by Lord Huron, but all of this: Nothing's waiting for us in the great sky Life is equal to dust in the Balancer's eye Now I know that I can't lift an old curse Tell me, how does a man change the universe? Will I ever be forgiven for the crime of my life? Will it haunt me till I die? To the end of time?

If you met your OC, would the two of you get along?

I think Ven is one of the few characters I can genuinely answer "yes" to this question lmao. Just because Ven is hands down the least judgmental of my OCs, not to mention packing all that charisma, he can literally talk to anyone. Although I probably would just be dead on the floor so it wouldn't be a very interesting conversation.

How does your OC behave when enraged?

We so rarely see Ven angry. Honestly, a bit like Kyrie, Ven has a quiet temper. He's good at restraining himself now, because he knows intimately well just how horrible of a person he can be, so he makes a concerted effort never to let anything get him that upset. Mostly, things don't anger him as much as he may be disappointed or saddened. There is one scene in OST:O I've had planned for years that actually showcases Ven's true anger and it is very much "silent and lethal" lmao.

What character alignment would you consider your OC to be?

Oof, I dunno, somewhere between neutral good and chaotic neutral. Hard to pinpoint lol

What is an alternative life path your OC might have gone done? How different would their life be if they'd made those decisions?

Oh, this one is interesting. I think Ven could have easily continued down the path he started on when he got the sight. That is, had he not been able to pull himself back from that maniacal person he'd become as consequence, he'd be unrecognizable today. That's not to say he isn't already because he absolutely was that person for a moment in time. The Reaper King wasn't just a persona, it was his entire essence. He was ruthless, violent and he did very literally kill dozens (I won't say 100s but it's up there) of people. We like to imagine him as the loving father and perfect husband he is now, but outside of maybe Elsera he's my OC with the highest bodycount. And while in a way you could justify he killed people because "they deserved to die" he was never in the right to pass that judgement. Had he not eventually woken up from that state of trauma and derangement, he'd still be a completely unstable murderous lunatic .-.

What is your favorite thing about your OC?

How hot he is. The end.

[avissapiens]

Jockbull Summer Week 6 Set B (18/12/23-24/12/23)

Model used Onome egger(yes this is reused, didn't have time to make a new one)

1

So this is the first time I fucked up the fast. I still did manage to keep a net caloric intake of about 700cal because of cardio. But I was so out of it in the morning that i forgot to remove the egg yolks in my eggs. And egg yolks are so full of carbs and delicious delicious fats.

It didn’t ruin the day by any means, and arguably made the morning much more bearable. But it was an extra like 200 calories that I could have docked.

2.

Only one meditation this week and it was very standard. Just trying to sort out my brain and prioritize things so i don’t feel so overwhelmed. Coalesce and relax and remind myself that not everything is actually important. Things can go undone if they don’t need to be. Set things in order so that you can deal with the few important things and everything else can go on auto mode.

3.

Always doing this ngl. I wake up from my pre-gym nap and i stroke a bit before getting ready. But also i did break the edging streak…several times..with a cute himbo slut tho so it’s alright. Was so pent up. Bred him and *literally* tore him open with this fat fucking bull cock. Disturbed all his neighbours for hours. But i Can't wait to build back that energy.

4.

Okay I am working on an ACTUAL creative work right now in the form of an avis abstraction. But I am gonna cheat and declare this as one too.

I have a 600 song music playlist that i’ve been building and curating since I was about 13. My music tastes are very incongruent and eclectic and i love them.

So what I’ve done is I went through the songs and picked out a few for each archetype and put them into little vibe playlists that i thought evoked their essences. Enjoy them! (Alpha/Bro/Bull/Jock/Himbo/Pup/AVIS)

5.

I didn’t write up Last week’s Set C. For that I apologize. If I did I would have told you all how the routine feels set now. I’ve got a whole bunch of skincare stuff. Supplements. A process. And its really helping me I feel. It doesn’t feel monotonous. I feel like its placing me into a good starting position for the day to feel good about myself. 

[tleeaves]

you mentioned you're exploring neurodivergence: characters you relate to in a way that migghhhht be related to neurodivergence and why you relate to them and i'll do my thing that i do with the characters

Thank you so much for this ask, lovely <3 so, yes, I am exploring neurodivergence, specifically along the lines of ADHD and CPTSD, but if I've learned anything while learning about neurodivergence, it's that certain aspects of disorders can overlap or even be mistaken for something else. Eventually, I intend to consult a professional. In the meantime, I make do. And I do have characters I relate to, in ways that might be related to neurodivergence.

We'll mostly deal with TSC characters. So, this is sort of combined, but James Herondale and Matthew Fairchild. I don't self-identify with them the way I do more with Cordelia, but I relate to things about them that just aren't quite present in her that are important to me. It's a bit difficult to talk about all the ways in which I relate to both James and Matthew without sharing some incredibly vulnerable stuff that I generally just don't like to talk about, but I'll try and pick out the things that might be related to neurodivergence.

This is... so so so tricky, actually. I mean, how do I even pin-point traits and things? How do I do this without sounding way too random and vague and end up just talking about things that might have nothing to do with the topic at hand? Matthew's mannerisms feel like mine, theatrical, flourishing hand gestures to accompany speech, being able to switch topics quickly, feeling like my creativity is stifled, way too focused on my physical appearance though I personally do my best to hide it, my reasoning for keeping fit is half about self-defense and protecting my siblings and friends and half about looking good which always makes me think of the way Matthew would treat training, I love finding and wearing unique clothing items that may or may not cost way too much and so it's lucky I just find these treasures in thrift stores, I also have a tendency to Smile my way through social circles (there's a running joke that I can approach absolutely anyone and strike up a conversation. Anyone), I flirt with everyone because I like the thrill of it and it allows a sort of distance from vulnerability in a way I can't exactly explain, this guy has depression and I have depression, I am often the comedian of the group or at least the entertainer (my failed dates and weird social encounters make for exciting conversations), and because of that... I don't know. Matthew feels like he's almost always acting. The world is his stage. And I feel like that all the time. I don't even know who I'm performing for half the time. It gets a bit exhausting in some ways. I struggle to always be an entertainer, to be social, to respond to conversations properly and not get way too hurt over little comments people make that they probably don't realise were taken the wrong way. I am a massive overthinker and the only times I can escape that are in entirely different environments where I basically have permission to have no outside obligations and relax or when I have the rare alcoholic drink that forces my body and mind to lose tension. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately), my health doesn't allow me to drink often if at all these days.

So, I get broody, and that reminds me of both Matthew and James. I can be a very deep brooder. Silent, stone-faced, almost apathetic. That reminds me more of James. I'm a passionate person with a temper that I've spent years getting under control, but it means I need a lot of outlets for all that emotion. Getting too stuck in my own head makes me restless and I have to move and push myself physically to make myself too exhausted to be so deep in my thoughts. It's interesting, to me, that I workout for defense and aesthetics, but that it's also a crutch at this point for letting out pent up energies. If I don't, I go into weird, fairly brief episodes of extra excitable and sort of reckless behaviour (more like reduced inhibition), which can be worsened at night compared to if it happens during the day. If you hadn't clued in yet: it was after I analysed James in the post I have pinned on my blog that I realised how much his night on the town in TMH reminded me of myself, which is why I couldn't think of a reason for a while of it being a symptom of anything but him being himself just as I know that's how I can act. His cause for that episode may be different to mine, but I definitely felt some similarities there. Even James' performance-like behaviour called to me, his Chesire grin, the absolute mischief--as much as I am charmed (it's James Herondale after all), I also have this feeling of "that's me! I get that!" And yet I can't even name or explain it.

Which in turn makes me think of Will Herondale. I very rarely talk about this because a) one of my friends is in love with him and I don't need her associating me with him or vice versa, b) an ex of mine has expressed an affinity with Will which makes me feel like I can't have it either since we relate to him in fairly different ways, c) everyone would just roll their eyes at me. Oh, and, you know, it's weird because he's the father of my fictional crush 😭 Anyway. There's something about Will growing up in the countryside of Wales (I come from the countryside of Victoria where I spent just over half my life so far on a farm) and caring so deeply for his sisters, being connected to his culture and missing parts of it, being loyal to Jem and, eventually, Tessa to a point it's almost self-destructive and yet feeling like he's stumbling in the dark when it comes to getting people to like him and to being a good friend to people, being a little shit in general, spinning tales (I've done this since I could even talk, to the point where I used to fabricate so many lies as a kid, simply because I could, and because so many other kids had experiences and things that I never did and I tried to lie about it to make up for it), and I just... in the weirdest way, I relate deeply to Will. I'm not even as attached to him as I am many other characters, but he's who I think of first most of the time when it comes to his rather silly behaviour, his excitability (after finding out the curse was not real), his solitary walks, going to rare bookstores and knowing a bunch of classics, having a tendency toward poetry but only for certain people and rather privately, the messiness of his room even. My best friend jokes that my room (whenever she sees it) is actually Jace Herondale's room because it's "monk-like and bare", but she doesn't see it when I have a burn out period and I'm too exhausted to even put clothes away or cups of tea, or do anything about my piles of books or pens and papers everywhere. I leave jewellery out too. It feels like a dragon's den, which is what I think of Will's room. I rarely make my bed properly. There's nothing necessarily stopping me, and in fact I feel happier and better when everything is neat and clean and organised, but I just can't bring myself to do anything for certain periods of time.

There's also Jem, but he and I understand each other on a chronic illness level, which to me has always been a separate sort of mental framework. But while he makes music to sort through his feelings, I listen to music to help me focus (I space out and my thoughts derail and I'm rather time blind and hours will pass unproductively and music (or urgency/deadlines) so far is the only thing that gets me honed in on an activity/work). That's also a little in connection to other things though where music is my crutch. I tend to dissociate from reality and it's an alarming and distressing feeling. I've never seen it done in fiction quite like how I experience it, so I tend to just write it myself (you can see bits of it with Lila in WBITHOM, such as outside The Devil Tavern going after Matthew and in the dark ballroom scene the night of the Institute dinner with the Lightwoods). I've reached out to others who experience it and even did research, and I actually cried with relief because I thought I was going crazy and losing my grip on everything, but I'm not alone and there is every chance I can end these episodes. Music helps me focus and sort of tie me to reality/myself/the present moment, so that I don't "slip", because when I do I forget myself and my surroundings and started wondering where I am and how I got there and who I am and why I'm here--it's like an existential crisis except you've forgotten literally everything and you're stunned and everything looks weird and the people are familiar yet unfamiliar and all the sounds are kind of loud but also muffled. This is often a dissociation that can occur due to trauma, though also unknown reasons and triggers, and sleep deprivation is thought to either cause or worsen it in some instances (and I have not had enough sleep in some time, let me tell you).

Edit: also, for the derealisation/depersonalisation above, I do relate to Katniss Everdeen from The Hunger Games who uses this technique where she mentally goes through a checklist of things that identify herself and reality, i.e. My name is [full name], I am 19, I live in Australia, I am half-Greek, I have such and such sisters and so and so brothers, I am here right now with my family/friends, we are doing [activity], I was born [birth date] etc. Recalling these facts and things helps reel everything in, but I am still left rather fragile feeling afterward.

So, there's kind of a lot going on in this noggin of mine. I don't fully understand a lot of it. Life can be scary and frustrating and downright exhausting. But I'm determined one day to finally seek some help. As I mentioned earlier, I do what I can on my own and with friends. Anyway, that's me on the nature of, well, me. Feels weird to talk about myself this way, even if it was tied with characters. Sorry for the wait, by the way, this was really tricky to try and write (and then I kept forgetting, whoops).

[scorpio-marz-tingz]

18+ Observations 😛

This is legit for the freaks ight😈

Pisces 🐻Moon/Venus🐻 are so connnected to the arts and creativity this isnt a suprise at all but they can be sexually attracted to characters and other stuff related to the realm of fantasy like moody musicians, they can get off by creating images and scenarios in their minds eye that generate feelings/sensations similar to the real act and its a gurantee these mfs either have their eyes closed while fucking or they're making some very intense eye contact🤭

Aries 🐻Moon/Venus🐻 are some of the most erotic, passionate women ive ever had experience with (😩omg😩) its truly amazing how powerful her sexuality is when on full display with her deep.. deep pleasured moans and expressive dominance, this is the woman you will hear in the bedroom as she isnt scared to release her screams into the atmosphere, your only reaction to hearing the pure pleasure in her screams will be to give her more of what she needs and for this reason this woman is on the conquer or be conquered list

This woman doesnt fake and if she does then her planet is afflicted/harmed, she knows truth is more important than feelings, she will help you get better in my own experience I had a Aries Sun gf and she could get so fucking wet it was outrageous, id pull my hands from her pants and theyd be soaked it was such a pleasure to eat her Grade A p***y, our first time hooking up i road to her house and she kicked out the screen to her window to come out and i always thought that shit was so badass/aries of her

Leo Women (👑) particularly if its her moon or mars, will have dominatrix tendencies and will do yo ass like cat woman🤭 literally getting pleasure from crowning herself queen over the peasant that has wandered into her chambers, she will play with you like a mouse.. leo moon women are like sexy man eaters, she wont tolerate a weak man and after shes had her way with you she'll kick you out like trash and forget you ever existed, only the remenants of your spirit will be left in the form of newfound confidence🤣 (😩sexy asf😩 my cap moon says "mommy")

My capricorn moon mad turned on by this behavior ngl

Virgo Men (Mars/Venus) oh gosh you poor overly talented human beings i really do feel for you, everything is perfect for yall and just the way you want (main character vibes) and that includes the way you pleasure your partner, blessing your partner with hours of pleasure and multiple orgasms is literally an easy task for you, so attentive and detailed, you know womens body like you know your own, so be wary of the women who thinks its your job to fulfill them sexually because they wont return the gesture and they will drain your divinity one unreciprocated orgasm at a time🖕

I had this Sag Sun, Venus Scorpio and Mars Aquarius gf and i swear she was a literal zombie in bed she didnt even like giving head lmfao how the fuck? she got more orgasms from me then all her lame ass exes combined bahha, she didnt even manage to make me come 75% of the time i legit had to finish myself she just wasnt sex material no matter how much i talked to her about my experience or lack thereof(mars square venus) but she was super thicc and that @$$ was on a million.. turn me on 😛🤣

Capricorn placements like to give and take it rough, @ scorpios😛😛 and might be the best fit for scorpio in the inner planets, they can take your intensity like its nothing because theyve been through hell just like you, pluto-saturn dynamic is sexy, your dark energy is apex to capricorn and your pent up PURE sexual energy is heaven to scorpio, they can satisfy you like no other partner can, test it i promise you. So intense these orgasms will start to create ripples in reality around yall, im telling you the truth bruh dont take this for a grain of salt, its the whole barrel🤣

Saggittarius placements have superior drunk sex although im not too sure whats happening since were drunk🤣 it just feels right

Lets Spice it Up😛

*the persona of a dominant man*

*he doesnt move like other men, he has a dark aura, almost as if space and time crack around him as he directs, all women stare no exceptions*

"you wish to please me by getting on my good side, how foolish to make a slave of yourself"

- Capricorn Inner Planets

Taurus 5th house typically have larger more full goodies (male and female) and they're pretty thick, they are the real performers (not lazy at all) and even their head game is super STRONG Leo in 8th makes them secretly arrogant in their sexual ability but rightfully so since these are the sex gods/goddesses here to bless us all and evolve sexual conciousness as a whole (Neptune Mars Jupiter Sun and even SATURN in taurus/leo increase effects)

Adding Taurus/Scorpio energy to Leo creates magical sex ability, Ruler of 5th in Aries Aquarius and Capricorn Scorpio people are hung too🤔 but ruler of 5th in 8th makes you the BEST sexual partner and 8th in 5th creates a mutant🤭 go grab dem charts ladies

Mars Opposite Jupiter creates unlimited supply of sexual energy and might last longer than mars-saturn aspects simply because the energgy is renewing as its being used whereas saturn only endures, no renewal is happening there, they will be able to go all night and physically fucking exhaust their partner, these people will make you tap out no if or ands only ass🤭 they wont hold it against you tho as they probably planned out exactly how they would fuck you/punish you for what you did last week (which you undoubtedly forgot abt.. better think long and hard *pun intended* abt this shit next time you act up) they couldnt wait to get that ass bent over the bed, table, counter, balcony, or just abt anywhere else they can rail you, legs shake uncontrollably and your puddles' visible to them through the sweat thats blocking their vision, sometimes theyll have to finish by themselves as their partner cannot take it anymore.. *this aspect make you lowkey always horny and ready/down for a quickie* if your exploring sexuality they are the catalyst to some of your most important discoveries

Dom Energy

*Mars in 1st, 5th, 8th, 10th (7th and 11th makes u dominant amongst partners and friends alike)

*Mars/Moon in Aries/Capricorn (Leo/Scorpio must be in 8th/10th house to negate switch tendencies)

-Mars in a fixed sign makes you dominant by nature and aggressively so in 8th and 10th whilst in mutuable it makes u a bottom (sag and gemini are switch but their houses are not, it creates a pattern too tho but i wont explain only some will pick up on it, aries cap, libra cancer)

Eros in 8th/Scorpio - wants to be taken by force and love when you roughly spread her legs, she wants to be dominated completely but with sincere care, she has a thing for deep penetration she prefers length over width and she can probably take a full foot of dick

Mars-Uranus - such a fiery combination think of fire tornadoes with this one, real freak of nature and their sex will probably make you completely obsessed no joke.. these people get hit with the "im pregnant" more than any other even tho they're more than likely strappin up😐 probably because their partner senses that flightiness, that flightiness is just their sexual desires being fulfilled by multiple people not just one, they have different sexual partners that they specifically pick based off a specific sexual need, you were indeed chosen because these poeple know what you have to offer them in terms of sex and will exploit this, best fwb because if you give them freedom they will fuck you better than anyone else, they see bringing their partners together for a night of wild, unforgivable sex as the ultimate sexual victory

Mars-Saturn dominate or be dominated

*Taurus mars give best head*

mars trine/sextile venus are fucking eaters

*Neptune in 2nd are packing heat or maybe they are sexually talented*

Juno-Lilith people have the wildest sex with their parnter and if its conjuct then these people can tame a lilith woman and end up marrying her/making a genuinely good wife/mother out of her especially if its in scorpio, cancer, 4th/8th house, these people will indulge your sex fantasies no matter how dark or unacceptable and they legitimately will not judge you for them because they see lilith whos usually shunned, as the ideal partner, her flaws and sins are ideal to this guy *Flaws and Sins by Juice Wrld* "your scars are really gorgeous, aint that a weird way of giving compliments i see your light in all the darkness"

Taurus (Moon/Venus) loves foreplay and you can probably force them to come before you even sex each other.. hehe talk abt a tease 🤤🤭

So in my own experience but for sure, the venus taurus girl loves to get ate out, completely devoured, within a fraction of all her bodily fluids.. and if your skilled enough you can see the blood rush to her face as she is truly amazed and astonished by the sensation she cant quite grab onto or truly fathom... all she knows is shes in heaven and she doesnt want to ever leave, ive never seen so much cum flowing nonstop, it truly pleasured me to pleasure her for she also had the most beautiful pussy i cant make it up i tell ya i can have my mouth on that girl for hours or til my tongue gets way too sore🤫 i lowkey hope she see this im tryna smash again bahahaa

Last but not least i want to expose virgo for being so fucking nasty and even more kinky (i literally wanna use so much profanity when i talk abt virgos🤣) i have such a thing for virgo-pisces axis ill take such good care of all your wildest dreams... at the same time tho youd never truly know what im talking about unless a virgo exposes themselves to you, its truly fucking shocking, alot of the females have natural promiscuous vibes and dont think its fake because shes really fucking like that🤣🤣🤣 so fucking breedable im down for yall

[defiledtomb]

Ouroboros IF - FAQ

When is the next update? Let’s just get this one over with right off the bat -- I don’t know! When I started writing Ouro, I saw it as a hobby project to get all that pent up creative energy out after working a soulsucking job. If I gain enough momentum and support on monetary sites such as Patreon and Ko-fi, I do have dreams of scaling back my work hours to focus on getting regular updates out. Alas, it is a lofty dream. In writing as a hobby, there is an ebb and flow in how I work on Ouro. Some weeks my keyboard is on fire, others it’s collecting dust. I can’t force myself to write when I’m bogged down with other stuff, it just turns into mindless, boring writing. I expect that to change as I grow used to writing regularly, but I’m still learning that! For now, I ask you to be patient with me; I love working on Ouroboros so much, but sometimes there just isn’t enough time or energy to do so. Besides being a complete novice at coding, Ouroboros is a beast of a story, and it grows exponentially with every chapter as more and more variables become relevant. Rest assured that I work on it as much as I possibly can.

Is there a discord/patreon/ko-fi? Not yet. There will be announcements made when I launch either of the above; I just need the time and bravery to take the plunge. If you’d like to create a fan-made discord, just let me know so I can lurk it.  👀

How many parts do you expect Ouroboros to have / How long is the story? For now, it’s planned to be a duology with part 1 being the shorter, more plot focused part, to really allow you to sink your teeth into the world and characters. Part 1 will still contain romance, but part 2 will have heavy branching depending on what character your MC romances. I might even split into 3 parts if part 2 gets too long. I don’t have any estimates on what the wordcounts for each game will be, as this is my first foray into writing a CYOA game, but Ouroboros is an epic science-fantasy with all that implies. It will not be a short story, that’s for sure.

Where and when will the full game be released? This is very far off still, but I plan to submit the game to hosted games when it is finished. This might change. I have a year of development for Ouroboros part 1 as a goal, but I am very lenient on that.

Are N/S/F/W questions ok to ask? They are absolutely welcome, however until I have launched discord/patreon/ko-fi, there won’t be any explicit content on tumblr. I answer the asks that I can answer implicitly.

Will there be a love-triangle route? No! We talk about our emotions here! The emotions explored in a love-triangle might be present.

Will there be poly-routes? I’m thinking about it, but it is not a priority for now.

Will there be asexual/ace routes? That is the plan! Though they will be written “last”, so to speak, as I want to write out the heavy romance first to understand how the characters would feel about it, to figure out where asexuality sits in their relationships. This is not to say that me or the characters will be reluctant to ace MC’s, quite the opposite. I’m just inexperienced in writing this and it will take lots of research and feedback to get right. I will also have to choose which part of the ace spectrum I want represented in Ouro, which is not an easy task as it is such a broad subject!

Will there be platonic routes? Though friendships with the RO’s are entirely possible, Ouroboros is a romance at it’s core. Your MC has the option to reject any relationships but you might find the content lacking if you do. 

You will always be able to opt out of any N/S/F/W scenes, too.

Will there be RO POV’s? Yes.

Can my MC romance L even if they were just friends? Yes, that’s in my planning!

Can I use your art of the characters as my profile picture/avatar? You can, and I’m honored! :> If you want to use any of the fanart, please talk to that artist first.

Can I suggest choices or scenarios for in-game Ouroboros? Absolutely! Some might not make it into the game for one reason or another, but I cherish the suggestions you come up with; they spur my creativity. Suggestions are more than welcome.

Where do I submit bug-reports? Either here through tumblr, or on the forum. Thank you for taking the time to locate them!

How often do you answer asks? Whenever I can. I can go through periods where I only reblog stuff and don’t have any energy to answer anything, but they usually don’t last very long. If you see me goofing on tumblr when your ask still waits for an answer, I can promise you that I’m not ignoring it; I just need some down-time to recharge my social battery.

Can you tag the stuff you reblog that isn’t related to Ouroboros? No. This is my personal blog, too, and was never meant to be an official site for Ouroboros. If it bothers you I would ask you to unfollow and instead keep an eye out on the forum post  -- I will post all major updates there too! You can also follow the tags found in the tag directory.

Want to see another question included here? Send it in!

[eddiemvnsonsbabymama]

Often

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

Summary: Dating Eddie Munson was like trying to train a disobeying dog and you two had some fun thrills throughout the relationship. However, after getting home late from work tonight, you were definitely not in the mood to deal with Eddie’s bullshit however the Munson boy was incredibly creative with how this situation could end.

THIS BLOG INCLUDES: Plot with lots of porn, penetration, angry sex, Eddie being obnoxious and loud asf during sex (i know that headcanon y’all), shouting, alcohol, spanking, choking

BEFORE READING: consider this an my apology for the last one shot. Too much plot, so little porn. I’m sorry, but personally, I hate when there’s like no context to smut but hey, that’s just me. Anywaysss..uh enjoy?? idrk and uh my request box is open than a can of dicks so yeah 🕴

───────────────

After you graduated high school, your parental figures ushered you to get out of Hawkins and get into some fancy college like Harvard or Carnegie Mellon. Anywhere far from Indiana. However, you stuck around for one..two..okay, maybe a ton of reasons but the number one reason was because of a boy named Eddie Munson. He was everything that a parent feared within a child: an alcoholic, a drug addict, a rock and roll listener, a sinner to be vague. You were almost the complete opposite of him which made you two click together so easily and after you graduated, you packed your bags to move in with him in the Forest Hills trailer park. Your parental figures simply looked at you in disbelief that you’re actually moving in with your boyfriend that couldn’t even graduate, let alone twice.

The rent for the trailer wasn’t that bad nor was it cheap so holding down a job 24/7 with his uncle while Eddie tried to graduate with overnight studying was a hassle but to you, it looked like he was spending too much time on his guitar. It felt like he loved that guitar more than he loved you. These thoughts felt like misery as you unlocked the door to the entrance and it slammed behind you after you had walked in. Dealing with customers in Melvald's General Store left you battered as you shrugged off your coat however a stack of letters on the counter caught your attention.

Your coat folded within your arms as you placed your satchel down and began shuffling through the mail. Half of it was for his uncle; magazine subscriptions, alerts from the power plant, etc. But one particular envelope had caught your eye since it was stamped and you hastily ripped it open to see..that the rent was two weeks late. But, you gave the money to Eddie so he could pay the rent. Your eyebrows furrowed in complete disbelief as you stared at the red bolded letters that sprawled across the white letter and you didn’t even bother to read what the hell the landlord wrote.

Rent was two weeks overdue?

“Hey, babe!” Eddie’s voice rung out as his white Reeboks hit the floor but he suddenly stalled after seeing your face, pent up with anger and he winced slightly. You held up the letter as lights shone through the paper but the red words were highlighted and you felt like an enormous weight had came down on your body. “What’d you do? With the money?” You asked in a low tone of voice even though you swore your voice broke a bit at the last word and you saw the guilt in Eddie’s face.

“Eds, where is it?”

“I..I had to get my stuff refilled, and—“

“Oh, my God.”

He was halfway through his explanation but you already knew what he meant by his stuff and your hands flew to your face. You had a hard day at work and you definitely did not have the energy with Eddie’s drug shenanigans. He lifted his arm up to place it around your shoulders but you moved away and slapped his wrist which caused him to look at you in disbelief. “Y/N, I’ll give you the money back, I swear.” Eddie basically pleaded, reaching out to grab your hand but you push past him and pull open the door of the rusting refrigerator.

The Munson boy looked at you as you popped open the opaque bottle of alcohol and began to drink heavily from it. “Babe, calm down. It’s not running away from you.” He said, grabbing the glass bottle from your hand and took a quick sip before placing it onto the counter. “I can’t believe it! Eds, that was for our rent, and if we don’t pay it, then we gotta go somewhere else.” You explain, hoping it would get through that thick skull of his and you watched his face drop as he played with a strand of hair.

He opened his mouth to say something. “You..you don’t have to be here, y’know? Yo-You could..uh, go to college instead of worrying about me and my uncle!” He said with an excited tone of voice, hoping that you won’t take it in the wrong way but that sentence alone caused an argument to spark between the two of you. Did he really want you gone? If it weren’t for you, the place would’ve fallen in like the ending of that one Stephen King movie you both watched, clinging onto each other while scared shitless. You did most of the scolding with him stuttering but then he would raise his squeaky voice at you and then your yelling would get louder.

He said some stupid shit before but you really couldn’t stand it as you sat on the kitchen counter, palm flat against your forehead and the familiar feeling of a migraine headache pounded the sides of your head. Eddie looked especially worn out with the tiredness within his somewhat pouchy face and the two of you fell silent after awhile. Your throat hurt as your tongue ran across your cracked lips before your face felt like it was heating up like a stove and you rubbed your eyes. You often cried after something had set you off like angry patrons and you would always excuse yourself to go somewhere to cry at.

But not today. This argument felt more grown up, but Eddie was 20 and you were 19 so it was bound to happen sooner or later. Your head pounded with a headache as you played with the ends of your long sleeve and you said, very slowly,”I worked hard for that money. I worked overtime, I covered someone else’s shift so I can help contribute to this little shithole so a thank you wouldn’t hurt, would i—“ Your sentence was cut off by Eddie wrapping his hand around your cheek and reeled you into a heated kiss which only lasted for a second before the two of you pulled away.

You guys didn’t talk for a second yet you were already clawing at Eddie’s shirt while your hips snapped up as he pulled off your pants and your hands went to unbuckle his handcuffs that served as a belt. He rushes to kiss you again, both of your chests rapidly rising and falling as he sloppily kisses you. Your teeth clash together before he pulls away and you tilt your head back as he kisses your head. His hands grope your breasts greedily while his other hand reach down and push your panties aside.

You felt a bubble of hatred burst within yourself, your eyebrows furrowed together as you pull off his boxers and you gasp loudly when he slipped his cock inside you. He reacts the same, his face slightly screwed up as he groaned loudly and his hand grab onto your hips. You shiver at the cold contact of his rings but his grip was bruising and your hand dig into his shoulder as payback. His hips snapped into you, making the kitchen be filled with the noises of your thighs slapping against his hips. Your legs were wrapped around his waist as you toss your head back, gasping whilst he fucked you and he leaned down to continue to kiss you.

Instinctively, your hand reached up to grab his mousy hair which makes him groan loudly and he pushes your hand aside. Your shirt was starting to slip off your shoulder as your body bounced with whatever thrusts he was doing and you hold onto the counter for stability. Your moans were loud, almost pornographic, but how could you conceal them? He loved hearing your moans too which drove him crazy and he groaned just as loud as you. “You like that, babe?” He asks you, but you definitely weren’t going to answer that.

“Fuck you.”

“That’s exactly what I’m doing.”

If it weren’t for his cock inside you, you would’ve walked off and blow off some steam, but he was fucking you so that definitely was blowing off some steam. You moan loudly as your thighs shake and his hand reached up to gently cup your throat which emits a strangled moan from you. His eyes were suddenly brightened by the sight: you on the kitchen counter with your legs wide open, red marks around your neck, your shirt falling off as he fucked you. It made him sorta proud as his thumb stroked your throat and you felt the arrival of your climax.

It seemed like he sensed it too since his thrusts began to slow, the friction was gone and you whimpered at the lost of contact. He pulled you off the counter, your legs a little shaky from how hard he thrust into you and your hips hurt but he whirled you around and slammed you against the counter. You felt awfully exposed as you listened to him suck air in through his teeth and you yelped when a stinging sensation had rung throughout your buttocks. “All this for me.” Eddie says as you feel his fingers crawl along your spine and he pushes your panties to the side as he easily re-enters you.

You moan in satisfaction at the feeling of being full and you pull your upper body up to stabilize yourself whilst his thrusts returned to its same energy: hard. Your body basically bounces with whatever energy he has left and listening to him moan loudly made it worth the while. Your back arched as your fingernails scratched the countertop and you moaned louder as your climax re-approaches. “Eddie!” You cry out, the feeling was too overwhelming and you swore that your fingernails were going to fall off from how hard you were scratching the countertop.

“You close, babe? Fuck, me too.” He groans, his fingers digging into your hips and he adds on: “Go on. Cum for me. No one’s stopping you, baby.” You felt like this was a trick but his hips only speed up and you felt stinging around your ass which was starting to hurt. “Oh, fuck!” You cried out, your moans were louder as you orgasmed and your grip upon the countertop had loosened. Your body shook as his thrusts slowed down, milking out your orgasm and he groaned loudly as you feel the warmth of his cum just above your pussy.

“You still mad at me?”

“Fuck you.”

BONUS:

Water dripped off your body as you stood in the shower, closing your eyes as you scrubbed off the sweat on your body and sighed lightly. Your fingers were lightly bruised but your hips were tattered with yellow bruises and you jumped when the shower curtain was rudely pulled open. Eddie had his hair tied in a low ponytail and he held up a wad of cash with a proud smirk.

“I told you I would get you the money.” He says as you grab a towel, wiping your hands, and your eyes widened as you skimmed through the green paper. He grabs it from you as you have a dumbfounded look on your face and he merely smiled goofily. “Got room for one..” His voice suddenly drops after seeing the bruises on your hips and he lowers himself to his knees to exam the bruises. “Holy shit. I did this to you?”

You giggle lightly as his fingers trail against your hip bones, making you extremely giggly and you grab his arm to pull him into the shower. He yelps as water now hit him, getting his clothes completely wet and he groaned in annoyance. “Babe, my hair!” Eddie complained as you sit yourself on his lap and smiled even though soap was now running down your face.

“Calm down. Thought you wanted to join.” You said, teasingly and his hands fall onto your waist as he pulls both of you into a chaste kiss. “I love you.” Eddie says which certainly catches you off guard and you felt your stomach lurch again. “I love you too.”

───────────────

AUTHORS NOTE.

that..was truly something. uh again idk what to say but hoped you enjoy that. this smut is dedicated to my bsf meowlia ofc so yeah 🕴 pls tell me y’all caught the reference of this smut cause i WILL cry LMFOAOAKAHSH anyways eddie angst next week

[beels-burger-babe]

LMAOAOAO tell me more abt how you’d react to stuff so i can capture you more accurately :)

Alright folks, here we go. Bee as a MC

I'm gonna be following a character info format just FYI, do with this what you will

Basic Info

Full name: Bee Age: 19 Gender: Female Nationality: Canadian/French Nickname: B, Bumble Date of Birth: August 21

Physical Appearance

Race: Caucasian Height: 5'3" Hair Colour: Dark Brown Skin Colour: Fair Build: Curvy (I'm a mid-size queen according to TikTok) Eye colour: Dark brown (And I mean dark. It's almost black in some lighting, in the sun it gets some like lighter brown, chocolate hints) Significant props: Scrunchie on the wrist since I'm constantly taking my hair up and down. And if I'm at school, guarantee there's a pencil behind my ear. Costume/Outfit: My current fav is a black camisole with a knitted cardigan and denim shorts. I like to be cozy but stylish.

Personality

Intro/Extrovert: I describe myself as an Extrovert with Introverted tendencies. Accent: I don't know??? Atlantic Canadian with a very faint french accent on certain words I guess?? Hero/Villain?: I'm more Hero esque. I'm a goodie too shoes and hate breaking rules soooooooooo Hopes: To travel the world and become a travel journalist/Best selling author Fears: The dark, abandonment, and failure

Behavioural traits:

Hyperactive: I do have ADHD and as a result, I have a lot of pent-up energy. I usually let it out by stimming in some way or form. Usually humming or talking in a sing-song tone. Sometimes if I'm super bored or I can't focus on something, I'll just do a lip trill. If I'm trying to think, I'll tap my middle fingers and thumbs together repeatedly. etc etc. I have the tendency to ramble, especially when nervous.

Empathetic: I am too kind and polite for my own good. I apologize for everything, whether it's my fault or not. If I see someone struggling, I will offer my help, even if they're a stranger. I just don't like seeing people sad and do what I can to make others happy

Creative: 90% of the time, I am creating something. Whether it's drawing, writing, singing, cooking, dancing, I am almost always doing something creative, or I'm doing something to get inspiration for said creativity. This means I'm a half-decent problem solver, but I also have tendency to go "OH OH OH!!" Out of no where and either rush off to go do whatever the idea was or start rambling about it to whoever is closest.

Socially Awkward: If I am with strangers or am near a person I have feelings for, this is when I pull into my shell. I get all blushy, play with my hair a lot, ramble, make lame jokes, it's...it's a sight to see.

[permian-tropos]

diary entry sort of thing. personal. content warnings under the cut 

cw: mentioned suicidality

I’m trying to look with a clearer head at like... how, if it is possible, to heal my passion and relationship to this fandom, and I keep going back to this really early incident that was an obvious bad omen.

Last summer I got in the habit of exercising and it was really fun, me and my brother were really building muscle and it felt great, and I actually got into Pathologic specifically because I put playthroughs on in the background. I’d be holding planks and trying to do dips while watching the funky plague game on my tiny iphone screen, it was pretty great. 

So I watched parts of playthroughs of both games, I’d already started consuming some fandom stuff, funny youtube memes mostly, and met a few people while poking around on tumblr and reddit, and the endorphins I got from exercise put a rosy tinge this experience. 

And then I saw the first thundercloud of discourse on a blog I was scrolling through, where someone was trying to stir up trouble against a particular content creator for associating with ~gross kink~ and there were several other gut punches when I saw people I recognized whose fanwork I’d begun to admire joining in. 

The next exercise day came around and in the middle of it I genuinely started crying from stress. If you think this is cringe then like... you’re wrong lol, people have feelings. But whatever. I was worried that the handful of friends I’d already made would abandon me if they found out I didn’t approve of policing ~gross kink~ and that I’d be dragged into a) admitting the dark kinks I do have and getting people to treat me like shit or b) hiding it but having to witness constant discussion of kinks that do squick me out, conducted in a manner to deliberately exacerbate the disgust, which is super awful for someone with anxiety and intrusive thoughts. Because that’s how these discourses always go. 

I couldn’t finish the day’s exercise routine because of the emotional distress and that was the last time I worked out. I couldn’t go back to it, the routine just fell apart. And that was probably quite bad for my long-term mental health. The discourse was kind of a hypervigilance trigger, where I couldn’t release pent up stress physically because my body feared it would leave me too exhausted to deal with the Looming Threat of social rejection or trying to figure out who was safe to interact with.

But with that in mind it especially sucked later on to have troubles with the people who sort of innocently advertised “safety” to me because the “safety” was only in the form of not being judged for your fiction, and for a collection of reasons it wasn’t safe for the problem of being neurotic in fandom. In letting out their frustrations with being treated badly, in trying to protect themselves in an unideal situation, even if they were being hyperbolic and didn’t intend to do anything untoward, people were communicating their own hypervigilance. It was clear that being in the fandom meant being scrutinized on all sides. Almost every conflict I got into was about this issue of keeping tabs on others, because I would be thinking, “oh god, if I wasn’t here in this conversation, people would be scrutinizing me, and some of the stuff they’re reacting badly to seems like stuff I could hypothetically say/do... maybe? I don’t know”. 

People found that I was triggering their neuroses by reacting badly, because now I was scrutinizing them back. Well, fuck me, if it isn’t my old friend the mortifying ordeal of being known. Plus, their perspective of “I genuinely feel unsafe” was being greeted with what seemed to be “don’t worry so much”, so that felt insulting. But it wasn’t really that I didn’t want people to worry or be upset about being wronged. It was that I had no way of communicating or fulfilling a need I had for a fandom space where none of this was necessary.

I didn’t want a choice of what to be neurotic about. I didn’t want to be neurotic at all. 

I said in a now deleted post that I regretted socializing at all, but the thing is that’s not true, I really did need to try to socialize. Except... well... this fandom was kind of a toxic fucking minefield (especially back then) and there was no way for me to engage with it without something going wrong.

That moment when I felt like I couldn’t exercise anymore because all my spare energy was inevitably going to go towards ruminating and fixating on how not to let things Go Wrong in some way... that wasn’t the point where things started to go bad because almost everything good came after that too. But it was still pretty indicative of the problem to come. 

In the end of summer 2020, after battling through the horror and ennui of the early pandemic which definitely was not easy, I was starting to find ways to be consistently happy, and briefly I was physically healthy, creatively inspired, eager to make friends. A year later, I took a long walk in the woods at night, heard a creaking tree branch, and imagined the sound was my body hanging from a noose. 

There’s no one cause for that. There’s other stuff I haven’t mentioned. This is hardly a full picture for anyone on the outside. I’m not assigning a villain, I’m just saying... yes, something obviously went wrong. 

It really didn’t have to be like this. But as a reassurance: yes, I’m well aware that the person I was a year ago would not want me to feel this way, and in a way I’m inviting them to come back from the past and take charge of how I’m going to care for myself moving forward. Maybe I’ll try working out. 

[cynicalrainbows]

Writers Block Pt 4

Shameless fluff. Utterly self indulgent. Possibly some self projection onto Cathy. Hopefully still readable. If anyone isn’t clear, the incident I refer to in the fic in which Henry nearly has Cathy beheaded is true.

Her own voice sounds quiet and flat compared to Anne’s more energetic efforts- pathetic, just like she is- but Anne is beaming at her as if she’s actually done something and that’s encouraging.

‘Sometimes, I hate research too. I hate all of it.’

It’s slightly louder but there’s still not much energy behind it. Even so… having said it out loud feels oddly pleasing. She’s said it- and Anne doesn’t look horrified. The roof hasn’t fallen in. no one has swept in to take away her credentials for her ingratitude.

‘I hate how it takes forever and I hate that I’m so tired all the time. I like writing but…. Sometimes I just want to rest, you know? We do the show and it’s like ‘Oh obviously Cathy’s going to work’ but sometimes I just want to chill out with you guys! But then I feel like I’m letting everyone down-’

Anne’s nodding at her frantically- ‘Keep going, keep going!’- so she does.

‘I can’t write anything else. I’ve been trying and trying and…. I’m just done. I don’t even care anymore, I don’t care if I finish the book or if I lose readers… I just want to not have to be working for a change because it’s too much, it’s too much to do as well as the show and I just, I can’t anymore- I dont have any ideas, I don’t have any plans, I don’t even know what I want to say anymore and nothing sounds good and…..’

With every word, it gets easier- it’s traitorous, it’s true.

‘-and I hate that I’m the only one to have to do all this, and I know I chose to and I know I like it…. but sometimes I don’t and now everyone expects things from me and it’s so hard because I’m letting everyone down, I’ve made Catalina hate me, and I’m meant to be the writer and I can’t even do that anymore-’

She can feel herself starting to cry- she tries to brush the tears away with her wrists but it doesn’t help, it just makes everything blur. She feels pathetic, she feels like a child. They’ve all seen Kitty cry, she’s even seen Jane give in to tears a couple of times….but she’s meant to be beyond this. 

She’s calm, she’s rational. (Except she isn’t.) Anne will surely be uncomfortable, and who can blame her, since Cathy is essentially just bewailing something that she brought entirely on herself. Perhaps if she doesn’t look at the other girl, Anne will be able to leave the room without it being too awkward-

And then arms- Anne’s arms- are wrapping around her, pulling her close. Her face ends up buried into the soft worn cotton of Anne’s green hoody and despite her best efforts, she hears herself let out a sob of pent up exhaustion and fear.

Anne doesn’t pull away- she just holds her more tightly and it’s a surprise, how strong her arms feel. For a smallish person, she feels reassuringly sturdy, stable. Safe.

(Or perhaps it’s just that it’s been a while since anyone touched her.)

‘It’s alright.’ Anne’s breath tickles her ear. ‘It’s all going to be ok.’ 

She’s grateful for the hug but platitudes have always irritated her- she wants to tell Anne that of course it isn’t alright- nothing is alright- but the thing is, she can’t really talk properly yet and her words are jumbled, blurry with tears. Anne seems to understand though.

‘We’ll fix this.’ Her voice is serious- it sounds like she actually means it. ‘We’ll sort something out, I promise. I know it feels awful right now and I don’t even blame you babes, but I promise, it’s all solvable. You just really need a break, huh?’

Cathy nods pathetically into Anne’s chest and Anne’s hand starts to rub across her tight shoulders.

‘Fuck your fans… I mean…. Not like literally or anything. Unless you want to. I guess.’ (It must be the muddled feeling brought on by the shouting and crying because why on earth would Anne sound almost jealous when talking about…..that? It’s surely proof Cathy is more sleep deprived than she thought)

‘Anyway….. What I mean is, you don’t owe them anything. You’ve given them two books and now you need to take care of yourself, ok?’

‘They’ll be….so disappointed….’ She knows it sounds a bit conceited to say it…..but it’s true (she wonders if Anne thinks she’s terribly egocentric…but she’s just shrugging, as if Cathy is right but that it doesn’t really matter. It’s the same way that she shrugs when Catalina warns her that her clothes will be creased if she throws them straight from the dryer onto her bedroom floor, or when Jane warns her that a bag of skittles does not a healthy breakfast make.)

‘I mean, probably? You’re an amazing writer.’ 

It’s a minor shock to Cathy to hear that Anne has actually read her work. She knows that the other queens have but Anne has never mentioned doing so, and Cathy isn’t exactly going to demand it of her- she hadn’t even expected the other queens to be interested, really. Not that Anne isn’t a reader- she must be, to have had such a reputation for learning in her first life- but….Cathy just assumed she wasn’t interested.

(She isn’t sure why the thought of Anne reading her work gives her butterflies- she’s sure she never felt them when she learnt that the others had read it…)

‘But books get delayed all the time. It’s just one of those things- people might whinge a bit but everyone who matters knows that you can’t force creativity. And you’ve already built up a good reputation- it’s not like you’re trying to get noticed, people know you can write already.’

Anne’s reassurance is welcome- but she also can’t suppress the flood of weariness that courses through her.

Having to justify herself, having to explain, having to find out the protocol for this… it has to be done, of course but….she’s tired. She’s just….so tired.

Then she realises she’s said it out loud. She expects Anne to be annoyed at her ingratitude- but when she risks a quick peep at the other queen’s face, there’s nothing there but sympathy.

‘I know babes. You won’t have to do it alone though, ok? I’ll talk to Jane and Aragon- I bet they’ll know more than I do, or they’ll know who to talk to anyway. Whatever. Just don’t worry about it- we’ll sort it all out for you ok?’

It sounds so reassuringly real when Anne says it like that- like she has people on her side, people to do her fighting for her when she’s not able to fight for herself. Funny that it has never occurred to her before that she could just...ask for help.

‘Thank you- I don’t know if it’ll be that easy… but thank you.’

‘We’ll make it work out.’ Anne repeats it stubbornly. ‘I’ll fight anyone you need me to.’

Cathy doesn’t want to ask if she means it literally or figuratively.

‘You can even-’

Anne draws back a bit and looks at her, serious now. ‘You can say it’s me if you need to.’

‘What?’

If you need like an excuse or something. If you don’t want to have to just say you’re tired. You can say it’s me. That I’m going through something, that you need to support me and you don’t have time to write. If you don’t want to ask for yourself.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Oh I don’t know- say I’m having post traumatic stress, say I’m having some intense therapy and you’re my support person. Say I’ve had a pregnancy scare- anything, I don’t care really. Just- if you need to make up a reason, I’ll back you up in anything you say. Just warn me first, ok?’

Anne really seems like she means it and her ernest expression makes Cathy’s throat tight all over again- the way she offers without hesitation, as if it doesn't even matter. She likes to think she’d do a lot for the other queens but she can’t imagine promising to fake a pregnancy scare for any of them- at least, not without seriously thinking it through first.

(It’s not as if she’d actually ask Anne to do that for her either… but the fact that she offered…. It makes her feel lighter, lighter than she has in weeks.

She wants to tell Anne how grateful she is…. But it turns out that all she can manage is a mumbled thank-you before she’s crying again. This time, they’re tears of relief. She feels so much better…..although being so emotional really isn’t her normal state.

Anne doesn’t seem phased though- she just draws her in again with one arm and digs in her pocket for tissues with her free hand.

‘There was something else you said-’ She passes the tissues over to Cathy who wipes her eyes gratefully. ‘You know Aragon definitely doesn’t hate you right?’

She really doesn’t want to think of that right now- she definitely doesn’t want to talk about it- but she thinks Anne probably deserves an explanation. She’s taking up enough of her time (and her tissues. And Anne’s definitely going to have to wash her hoody now.)

‘I…. got a bit cross with her earlier.’

‘Ooh!’ Anne looks interested. ‘What did you say?’

‘I shouted. Told her to go away. Stop nagging, leave me alone….’

She wants to bite out her tongue for saying it at all… but Anne, when she looks up at her expecting to see her looking disgusted with Cathy’s ingratitude to the person who loves her most…..she’s laughing.

‘Is that ALL?’

‘….yes?’ (Isn’t it enough?)

‘Oh my god, of course she won’t hate you for that!’ Anne tries to bite back another giggle and fails. ‘God, I know you’re always working but you’ve got ears- haven’t you heard us screaming at each other before?’

‘Well-’

(Now Anne mentions it-)

‘It’s...what half past two?’ Anne checks the time by just full-on rotating Cathy’s wrist to see her watch. ‘I’ve already called her a bitch twice this week and it’s only Tuesday. And she threatened to strangle me with my scarf if I left my stuff on the bannister rather than hanging it up. And don’t even get me started on last week when i used her conditioner-’

It’s true, Cathy supposes. Shouting matches aren’t exactly uncommon in the house. But somehow it’s different when it’s between Anne and Aragon- or even Anna and Anne. 

It’s loud but it doesn’t mean anything really- its just how they communicate. That Anne calls Aragon a bitch for using up the last of the hot water does not prevent her from offering to drive her to church when Aragon’s car won’t start. Aragon threatening to kill Anne in ever more inventive ways for leaving her belongings scattered around the house does not prevent her from making the younger queen a cup of tea after she’s done shouting.

That’s…..not her though. She and Kitty and Jane dont really go in for shouting or threats and so it feels different. More serious.

She tries to explain it to Anne.

‘- and then she just left’

‘Did she say anything?’

‘No. She just… went.’

Cathy presses her hands over her stinging eyes. ‘What if she was really hurt?’

‘Probably wanted to give you some space babes.’

‘But-’

‘That’s what she said to me anyway.’

Cathy’s head snaps up.

‘What? When?’

‘Well I was coming up to check on you anyway but then she was coming down the stairs when I was going up and she asked if I’d look in on you because she was worried…’

‘Did she look upset?’

Her heart lifts a bit anyway. Catalina did still care, at least a bit….

‘Mmm…..concerned, I’d say, more than upset. She really cares about you.’ Anne squeezes her hand. ‘Honestly, I think she just didn’t want to make things worse by staying because you seemed so stressed out. But she’s not cross, honestly.

‘Are you sure?’

‘Of course! In fact, if you’re that worried, just come and talk to her- you can even say sorry if you really want-’ Anne sits up. Cathy is dislodged and it feels suddenly colder, now she’s not nestled against Anne’s chest. ‘-but I bet she won’t let you.’

Anne makes it sound so easy but…. Cathy knows she won’t be able to make anyone else really understand. That’s not how it works, not for her.

They had all been clear that talking to Henry wouldn’t work- it was beyond that. She hadn’t been aware at the time that she’d pushed too far but she knew she had- the warrant in her hand was proof of that. It was terrifying really- how you could so carelessly talk your way out of someone’s favour without even realising, without even knowing you were doing it… or perhaps it was just her. In fact, it probably was her, there must be something wrong with her, that meant she couldn't read people, that she didn’t know when she was going too far. Even now, it scared her sometimes when she let herself think about it.

‘Hey-’ Anne’s hand touches her hair, brushing aside a wayward curl. ‘She’s not him you know.’

‘How did you-’

‘Because I was married to him too, remember?’ Anne smiles gently at her. ‘He screwed us all up a bit, in his own way.’

And Cathy supposes she’s right.

[thewritewolf]

Eating Habits Chapter 9: Warmth

The incoming chill of late fall might be making Paris cold, but the love of friends and family keeps Adrien and Marinette warm. 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 (Final)

Enjoy!

Read on Ao3. 

The letters in front of Marinette swam as she tried to focus on them, her laptop screen getting blurry intermittently as she blinked away the gnawing tiredness at the edges of her mind. Between her exhaustion and the lingering after effects of her cold from last week, she was having an awful time studying. Maybe she should have tried getting back onto a regular sleep schedule, but there was too much to do after being bed ridden for a few days.

Thankfully, there was the power of energy drinks to save her. The caffeine was probably the only reason she was even still awake right now. Not that being conscious was a huge help if she couldn’t process what she was reading. After a few more minutes of unsuccessfully staring at her screen, she sighed and leaned forward, rubbing her forehead.

Once she wasn’t hyper focused on her work, her attention drifted to a conversation from a couple boys at another table. They weren’t very loud since they were all in the campus library, but she could still hear them pretty clearly. Without meaning to, she listened in.

“...Crazy, right?”

“Man, you’re super lucky. That would’ve been just the thing to make calculus less dull.”

“What? Haven’t you had a class where that Agreste kid just waltz in with a boxed lunch?”

Marinette froze. They couldn’t be talking about…?

“He’s been in so many frickin’ classes but of course he doesn’t show up to any of mine.”

“Bummer, dude. It’s pretty hilarious, and kinda cute.”

“Well, he was a model. Or is he still one? That was pretty ambiguous-”

“No! I mean he brings the lunches for his girlfriend.”

“Aw, that’s sweet. Feel bad for his girlfriend though. Must be a little embarrassing, ya know?”

Meanwhile, Marinette buried her scarlet face in her laptop, being careful to keep it between her and the two boys while they kept talking. Maybe it would be worth eating proper meals just to keep Adrien from these over the top antics.

Despite her embarrassment, Marinette’s stomach growled treacherously at the thought of his boxed lunches. She wondered where he was right now...

------------------

“Geez, dude, can’t even go easy on me for a minute, huh?” Nino threw his control down in faux anger. “Have I even one a single match yet?”

“Hm…” Adrien tapped his chin as he pretended to give it some thought. “Well, you did beat up my character when I went to the bathroom. Does that count?” Adrien ducked out of the way of a playful punch aimed at his arm. “Ooo, too slow, turtle boy.”

“God, you’re such a smug dick,” Nino said with a grin. “Can’t believe I ever thought you were an innocent homeschooled boy.” He leaned back, settling his controller on his lap. “How’d you even get so rockin’ at this game?’ His eyes narrowed and he pointed a figure into Adrien’s face. “And you’d better not say ‘natural talent’ or I’ll send M that clip of you drunkenly crying to that one Inuyasha scene.”

“We’re all friends here, shelly, no need to pull out the big guns.” Smirking, Adrien held his hands up in surrender and shrugged. “Well, you know how Marinette is into the Mecha Strike series. Ever since we started dating, every time a new title would come out, I’d get it for her. Then we’d play it a ton. Early on, it was after dates, but after I moved in, we’d stay up late and fight into the early morning.”

“Sounds like you were having a ton of fun,” Nino said with a small smile. “You ever actually win any of those matches?”

“Hell no. Why do you think I like playing against you so much? I got years of pent-up frustration to take out.” They shared a laugh. Adrien stared wistfully into space. “But yeah. It was like a sleepover every night with the person I cared the most about.”

“Harsh, dude.”

“Hey, you’re a close second! And that’s saying something since she’s literally the love of my life and light of my heart.”

“...Yeah, I can see how you two and your over-the-top ideas of love mesh together.” Nino snapped his fingers. “Speaking of crazy acts of love! Weren’t you making tons of trips to M’s university? What happened with that?”

To his surprise, Adrien blushed and he rubbed the back of his neck. “About that… Turns out, doing it once is cute. Two or three times is adorable, but getting annoying. But apparently two meals a day for three weeks - minus her sick break - is crossing a line.”

“Bummer. So she chewed you out?”

“If by ‘she’ you mean ‘all of Marinette’s professors’ then yes.” Adrien sighed dramatically. “Now I’ve been banned from interrupting all her classes, at least for the semester.”

Nino laughed at a pouting Adrien. “Uncool of them, but I get it. Can’t have some stray cat runnin’ around, getting everyone all riled up.”

“Anyway… at least she got a few weeks worth of regular meals out of it. I just wish it could have gone on for a little longer.”

“It is what it is, big cat. You did what you could and that’s what’s important.” He pulled out his cellphone and started composing a text.

“Who are you talking to?” Adrien craned his neck over, shamelessly reading over Nino’s shoulder.

Nino leaned away from his prying eyes. “It ain’t for nosy cats, that’s for sure. If you gotta know, its for my babe. She’ll think you getting banned is hilarious, and I gotta be the one that tells her.”

“Oh sure, laugh at my pain.”

“That’s the plan, dude.”

Adrien shook his head, but there was a glimmer of mirth in his eyes. He stood up and walked to the kitchen, leaving Nino to send his message in peace.

-------------------

A few days later, the apartment was quiet once again. Nobody had come over to visit, which was more the norm for his life. On some level, the stillness bothered him, like there was something missing. Or maybe it was just because it was harder to distract himself if there wasn’t any noise or energy in the house.

Either way, today Adrien didn’t mind as much since the solitude would make this a little easier. He didn’t want word of his plan to leak out before he was ready or else Marinette might catch wind of it and clam up. Which wouldn’t help anyone, least of all Marinette herself.

Adrien hung up the phone and took a seat at his kitchen table. Normally at this hour it would be covered in fresh ingredients for whatever he was planning on making that day. But where chopped vegetables usually sat was instead advertisements and a few bank statements. The latter was probably unnecessary - he knew without looking that’d he’d have enough for what he was planning. But it was reassuring to see, at least.

Knowing Marinette, it was good to have as many loose ends tied up as possible, and leave nothing to chance. He loved her to pieces, but she could work herself into an anxious lather if he let her.

“Are you sure this will work out?” Adrien worried at his lip as he sightlessly looked over the papers.

“Listen, kid,” Plagg said as he gnawed at a wedge of cheese. “You want to help her, right? And she isn’t budging despite everything you’ve done so far, yeah?”

“Yes…”

“Then trust me. I’ve known more than a few Ladybugs in my day and most of them are way too stubborn for their own good. And we both know Pigtails hasn’t bucked that tradition in the slightest.”

“I know, but… it’s a big step. Shouldn’t we talk it out as a couple?”

“Maybe. And I’ll grant that Pigtails is a great planner.” Plagg gulped down the last hunk of his cheese, letting out a satisfied sigh once it hit his stomach. He shook his head and looked back at Adrien. “But she’s also her own worst enemy. If it isn’t urgent, she’ll just plan and plan and plan forever without actually doing anything.”

Adrien smirked, remembering the times Marinette had shared - after some help from a bottle of wine - some of her more… creative plans to confess her love to him. At least, until he beat her to it. Maybe Plagg had a point.

“We can always plan together later,” Adrien said with a nod. “I just need to make sure she doesn’t reject it out of hand.”

“That’s the spirit, kid. Now, onto the important matters - where’s my second dinner?”

-----------------

Tonight was their anniversary, a chilly December day, and Adrien wanted to make sure everything was perfect. He’d gotten permission to leave the bakery early. Probably way earlier than he’d needed to, but Tom and Sabine had insisted that he take the whole afternoon off. Especially Tom, Adrien remembered with a smile, who could barely hold back the tears as he waved Adrien off.

A quick stop at the market for fresh ingredients and Adrien was home.

As much as he had wanted to go out to a fancy restaurant or do something special with her, he knew that the best way to spoil her now - after the semester she’d been having - would be a nice relaxing night at his apartment, eating a home cooked meal and cuddling in front of the television.

And by all the kwami was she going to get the best meal and the most snuggly cuddles he could possibly make. She deserved nothing less.

He became a man possessed, putting all those cooking classes to good use as he crafted the greatest lasagna he could make. While that was cooking in the oven, he began gathering all the softest blankets and pillows he could find and stacking them on his couch. Half the fun of a pillow fort was making it with someone else, but he knew she’d rather be able to collapse into it as soon as she got there.

It was just as he placed the finishing touches on the fort that he heard a knock at the door before it swung open.

When his eyes met hers, a big grin spread across his face as his heart raced. She wasn’t even a step inside before he’d rushed across the room and swept her up in a hug, holding her off the ground with his arms just below her waist.

She laughed as she pressed her hands against his shoulders for support. “At least let me put my stuff down first, you ridiculous man!”

He simply grinned up at her, eyes sparkling with happiness as he slowly let her down just enough to put them face level. He kissed the corner of her mouth and whispered:

“Happy anniversary, bugaboo.”

[edelgoth]

conquest matchup

@the-alpahaca hi hi!! happy new year to you too!! also, it’s good to see you back with another request <3 sorry it took me so long to get this to you; i’ve been in a bit of a writing slump hhhh (the fact i’m saying happy new year goes to show how long i’ve kept you waiting i am SO sorry jlgdfdgfklj)

also i felt that “tend to waste my life away daydreaming” and having it be more of a defect down to my gut skljdfslfk. 

also, since you wrote me such a lovely matchup (and now headcanons), i’ve made this a little longer <3 

so, i match you with...

leo!!

listen, the contrast in this relationship. the balance that contrast brings. i’m living for it. 

you’re the bubbly & friendly to leo’s calm & somber. i think you two just have such so much to offer each other? 

for example, i think leo could help you keep your scatter-brain in check. or, if that’s out of the realm of possibility, he’s just so organized & purposeful that it balances out (watch me write the word balance one too many times dslkjfd) 

but on the other hand, leo could really do with having someone who likes cheering other people up around (hell, all the nohrian siblings could dskljflfkj) someone’s gotta make him smile, and that person is you!! 

leo needs some kindness to stoke his intensity; it’s an intensity that’s developed quite naturally out of the circumstances of his birth and his upbringing. so, i think your personality would help remind him how to be kind, and he’s very grateful for it 

furthermore, you two would have a good balance when it comes to understanding & forgiving too easily vs drawing the line too harshly; i think you two could really learn from each other and come to a healthy equilibrium!! 

leo can come off as quite cold, but honestly? i reckon he’s got a bit of awkwardness too. so sometimes he finds your own awkwardness adorable (good luck getting him to admit to that, tho), and sometimes he finds it painful because it hits too close to home. idk if that made sense dkljfsdsflkj

he’d find you quite intriguing at first (probably a bit suspicious of your motives, but that’s just how he is), because of that mysterious vibe you give off; finding out that you’re actually quite kind and scatterbrained would be quite endearing to him 

furthermore, because of the sort of person he is, he can help bring you back down to earth when you’re daydreaming 

but, at the same time, he admires your creativity!! it’s something he cherishes in you, and he never wants you to lose that streak

your wish for romanticism (the most traditional sense) in the everyday may just wake something up in him? the want to see the beauty in the world around him, to find meaning; and while your romanticism has caused you some strife in the past, i think leo’s very logical, analytical and observant nature may help you unpick that?? because it’s a very precious thing to want to find that which is worth loving, but he might be able to help you do that in a way that doesn’t cause you pain (i feel like this made NO sense i’m so sorry) 

nerd that he is, he’s impressed by the fact that you’re trilingual!! (so am i dflkfjf) i can see him being interested in learning key phrases from each of your three languages 

he loves your cooking!! (it’s taking everything within me to not make a tired joke about tomatoes hhhh) i can’t remember if his opinion on sweets is stated anywhere, but you can bet he’s going to appreciate anything you make for him  

definitely a documentary guy in a modern au

leo’s very observant, which means he always has something nice to say about every outfit you put together. it’s usually about your attention to detail  

pls use your fashion skills to fix his collar i’m begging you-- 

also!! the contrast in your tastes in fashion. high art.  

leo’s an introvert himself (i think), so he’d respect your need to recharge and will give you that space. it sounds like your energy levels match quite well!! 

leo knows what it’s like to isolate himself; with a childhood like his, it’s no surprise that he tends to hide himself away in his studies. i think that’d help him identify when you just need some time alone to catch your breath, or when he should be concerned. 

because he’s had such a different upbringing (one that’s like,,, sheltered, and yet also the opposite of sheltered,,, wtf is going on in nohr) he’d offer you quite the different perspective on life and the world and our place in it 

leo would really enjoy talking about philosophy with you!! or, rather, existentialism; he doesn’t have anyone to even touch on those subjects with, so you’d end up getting the full brunt of what he’s really thinking and feeling 

it might get overwhelming at times (boy’s been through some Intense stuff), but it also means he’d be very attentive in return; he genuinely enjoys hearing you talk through your thoughts and how you’ve arrived at them 

he’d definitely be able to talk for hours and hours with you about life, and actively encourage you to share your thoughts with him!! 

in general, i think he needs someone insightful and perceptive, not only to keep up with his own mind, but to understand him 

he’d love that you’re so interested in the world and people and that you just want to know about it all; it’s a part of him that he’s pushed down after prioritizing learning just to survive 

leo can be very no-nonsense, and from one melancholic to another, that can be very helpful at the right time asjkf 

he’ll constantly be telling you that you’re smart and intelligent and he will not hear otherwise; if there’s something you’re not getting, he’s going to do his best to try and explain it to you in a different way 

he’d point out when you were being too harsh on yourself. he thinks it’s absurd that you can be so cruel to yourself when you’re so kind to him and the people around you. he just can’t wrap his head around it 

he admires your kindness in general; especially the way you... think of other people and their place in the world, if that makes sense?? the reason being that, once again, his childhood didn’t leave much space for that sort of mindset (i’ll literally pay myself to stop talking about his childhood i askjfdfldkj)

funnily enough, i feel like leo is the opposite of you when it comes to the cold/warm dichotomy; where you’re very good at taking care of people and being a good friend, you’re able to let them go when the time comes. leo strikes me as the opposite; distant and hard to reach, but gets quite attached (i’m mainly thinking of his retainers and his siblings). i wanted to say something #deep about it but i’ll go back to the fact you have great contrast yet again 

i feel like leo would be okay with the fact that you’re not super affectionate, too; he’s a bit of a romantic, but i don’t see him being big on physical affection? like of course he enjoys it, but it’s not high on his love languages. i have nothing profound to say, just thought it was of note skljffdlj

but, he’s proved time and time again that he’s capable of being quite the romantic; so, he’d be able to meet you in the middle when it comes to finding a life full of romance!! 

i feel like he’s a big gesture guy, and he prefers using them to express how he feels over words

he’s very good at complimenting you (especially if he thinks you’re being hard on yourself), but he struggles to get frank with his own feelings; so instead, expect a lot of thoughtful gifts and dates

loves your writing. is always asking if he can read it. has a particular love for your essays, just because he’s also got an analytical mind

likes getting you to brainstorm with him whenever he’s stuck on a particular problem!! he just appreciates how your mind works and it can be such a contrast to his own (i get the feeling he’s got tunnel vision), so it’s a big help!! 

he’s not very artistic himself, but he loves seeing whatever you create, be it drawings or written pieces. i feel like he’d be surprisingly good at motivating you, without making it too obvious that that was his goal?? i’ve made less and less sense the further down this matchup we go

because he struggles with his inferiority complex, i feel like leo would be quite understanding of your own insecurity. of course, he disagrees (he thinks that being a jack of all trades certainly has some benefits over specializing, like him), but he’d be able to handle it with a sensitivity and thoughtfulness beget only by someone who truly understands 

and finally, he’d be grateful that you’re good at understanding people. leo’s got a lot pent up, and i think someone like you would be the perfect partner for someone like him!! honestly, he probably needs a bit of help understanding himself (same thing could be said about the rest of the nohrian siblings tbh), and i think you’d be able to help with that 

essentially, you connect on a lot of your core traits, but there’s still a contrast which could help incur growth!! bless this couple it’s such a high tier concept 

alternate matches

kaze: a big reason i chose leo over kaze is that i think you’d have more of a intellectual connection with the former? i think your personalities would mesh quite well, as you’re both kind and thoughtful and yet also a bit stoic. there’s still a good bit of contrast, where he’s reserved and you’re quite bubbly, which’d make this pairing quite cute. the general vibe i get from this pairing is ‘uncontrollably fond’, and i really like it? regardless of if you were romantically involved or not, i think you and kaze would get along wonderfully (and would likely end up as best friends?) 

laslow: now this guy is quite different from the other two. firstly, he matches your more bubbly side, while also being prone to moments of introspection. i think laslow has a certain maturity to him in fates that’d make him a good person to rely on. but, he’s not too serious and mature, so he’s still someone you could have a lot of fun with. but, while i said he’s prone to moments of introspection, i don’t think he goes quite as,,, deeply, as you do?? i can’t see him debating philosophy, tbh. but, i think he’d still be a really good match!! leo is just better

also silas was being VERY LOUD so he’s here too, i guess 

[pekorosu]

Interview Translation

Taken from “Akimi Yoshida A to Z: Special Talks and Interviews” pg. 45–54

The World of Yoshida Akimi

From the magazine “Queer Japan” which discusses matters of sexuality and gender.

An interview held by author Fushimi Noriaki is included in this special feature: “The Sexuality of Expression.”

Here, Yoshida Akimi’s works are examined from a different perspective thus far.

(Yoshida Akimi’s “Yasha” was in the middle of serialization in the year 2000)

-

First publication: 2000, “Queer Japan” Vol. 2 (Keiso Shobo)

-

Am I hurting gay people by drawing about homosexuality?

Fushimi: It’s good to see you again. The last time we met was about 8 years ago, wasn’t it?

Yoshida: Fushimi-san, you’ve aged a little, haven’t you? (laughs) You were more of a lively young university student back then.

Fushimi: I was only in my 20s at that time, after all. I’d just made my debut as a writer, and being an up-and-coming young gay man was basically my selling point (laughs). But more and more youngsters are showing up after me now, so within queer circles1 I’m like that old hag from your in-laws’ family that won’t shut up. Anyway, the reason we got to know each other was because I received a courteous letter from you after sending you a copy of “Private Gay Life.” 2

Yoshida: It was a very interesting read.

Fushimi: I was so surprised, I thought, “Why is such a big shot even replying to someone like me!?”

Yoshida: I think you must be mistaken. Within the manga industry, I’m still considered fresh from the country. I’m pretty much smaller than a small fry (laughs).

Fushimi: What are you saying, sensei? In last year’s manga feature of “Da Vinci”3, “Banana Fish” took first place in popularity polls and even beat all-time classics like “Phoenix” and “The Poe Clan”!

Yoshida: Wasn’t the selection for “Da Vinci” biased to begin with? (laughs)

Fushimi: No, I’m sure everyone in this country has read “Banana Fish”!

Yoshida: That’s not true. I mean, none of my relatives have read it (laughs).

Fushimi: Ahaha, is that so?

Now then, going back to the topic of how we met. In the letter that I received from you at that time, you mentioned that you were worried about being hurtful to gay people because you were drawing about homosexuality in your work. I was surprised to hear that you had those kinds of feelings while drawing.

Yoshida: I’m not gay myself, so while I think that the oppressive weight of falling in love with someone of the same sex is something incredible, it’s not like I understand it in an intimate way. So when people read my works, they might go, “It’s not like that.” There are times when I’ve felt apologetic, thinking about if there are gay readers who’ve found my works offensive.

But the tough part is the other side to it, that is, there just has to be some level of embellishment when it comes to expressing things to the general public, even if it hurts the people in the core group. Somehow, the depiction will always end up exaggerated in some way and because of that, there will always be someone who will get hurt. It’s extremely difficult to strike a balance there, isn’t it?

Fushimi: There’s also the reality of the story’s setting that we have to consider. For example, in “A California Story,” the people who live in New York, they say things like “You shitty faggot!” in their conversations, don’t they? Those are slurs of course, but I think it’s necessary for it to be expressed that way in order to adhere to the story’s reality. It’s to be expected after all, since the intention is to portray those characters realistically.

Yoshida: There’s that too… And there are very basic things like how I might be writing gibberish when portraying how it’s like to fall in love with someone of the same sex, and things like that… Of course, it’s not like I’m drawing it with the intention of hurting people, but I think that saying “I had no bad intentions” is just an excuse to escape responsibility.

Fushimi: It’s the opposite for the Yaoi crowd, isn’t it? Their perspective is that they don’t mean to depict real gay people, so their depiction of “homosexuality” is ultimately imaginary or just a fantasy that exists only in their minds. Have you ever thought of it that way?

Yoshida: Within myself, I have my own yardstick and I split these things into “lies that are okay to tell” and “bad lies.” But I feel like this is an issue that’s going against morals, or rather, maybe it’s reached the point of “a lie that strays from the right path.” I do have a “things I can definitely lie about” category inside myself as well, though.

Fushimi: I’ve had the chance to speak with not just manga artists, but also people who express their creations in various ways. But this is the first time I’ve met someone like you, who is in a sense, extremely proper when it comes to the issue of discrimination. No, I get the feeling that this is probably the first and the last time (laughs).

And so it was after receiving your letter that I was invited to a roundtable with “June.” 4

Yoshida: Right.

-

“Banana Fish” is a version of a girls’ soccer team

Fushimi: Within our line, there is a word called “homophobia” which refers to the feeling of hatred or abhorrence of homosexuality. However, when I’m reading your works I sometimes feel a sense of heterophobia, or something like a loathing of heterosexuality, instead of homophobia. Sexual relationships between men and women tend to have a secondary position within your works, don’t they? Even though that’s supposed to be the main theme when it comes to shoujo manga. Is there perhaps something you feel like you want to eliminate when it comes to heterosexual relationships?

Yoshida: Hmm, I’ve never examined myself so I’m not too sure either… For me, I think of action-centric works like “Banana Fish” and “Yasha” which I’m currently working on, as a “version of a girls’ soccer team” (laughs). Girls wanna play soccer too, and outwit their opponents and make a run into space with the ball, that kind of thing (laughs). During my school years, when the guys get to have fun kicking balls and stuff, we girls were made to do some nonsensical creative dance. I was thinking, why do we have to do this sort of ridiculous thing? So maybe this is just a result of all that pent-up resentment (laughs).

Fushimi: You just said “girls’ soccer team” but the central characters in your works are mostly guys, aren’t they? If it’s connected to the idea of a “girls’ soccer team,” why aren’t they girls instead?

Yoshida: That’s because, something just didn’t feel quite right when it came to characterising girls back when I first started out drawing manga. After all, girls were kind of passive, right? Not so much anymore these days, but that was why I had to twist another aspect in order to make that “version of a girls’ soccer team” a reality.

Fushimi: You made your debut in 1977, so it’s been about 20 years since then.

Yoshida: That feels like an eternity ago… ah, I don’t wanna think about it (laughs). But at that time, people like Ms. Takemiya Keiko and Ms. Hagio Moto were drawing about relationships between boys, so it felt like that was an acceptable way to go about it. The manga field is just like the legal field in the sense that, it’s okay as long as there’s a precedent.

Fushimi: Ms. Takemiya and Ms. Hagio used that setting of a relationship between boys within a purely aesthetic world, but in your case, you went for a “girls’ soccer team” vibe (laughs).

Yoshida: That’s how it is when I’m making it into a manga. But the main reason I came to want to draw stories like this was because… back in high school, I saw a revival screening of “Midnight Cowboy” starring Dustin Hoffman. The impact of that movie was astounding. In the same way that a baby chick thinks that the first thing it sees is its mother, I think I now have the tendency to keep trying to replicate that pattern. That movie was really shocking. I can’t forget it even now.

Fushimi: “Midnight Cowboy” is less “aesthetic” and more “dirty” (laughs). It’s a story about the bond between two not-very-beautiful men, isn’t it? It’s not exactly a clear-cut homosexual love either.

Yoshida: That’s right. But, they had a connection that felt like, without each other they would drown and their souls would die, right? It just so happened that they were guys, so I get the feeling that the imprinting has caused me to keep replicating that sort of relationship between men whenever I draw as well. If that had been a movie about two women, maybe I would’ve been drawing about women instead. I don’t know.

Fushimi: That kind of connection… doesn’t it appear in heterosexual, or rather, in romantic and sexual love between men and women as well?5

Yoshida: When it comes to men and women, their romantic energy or their motivations towards each other felt a little different. Even when it’s based on my own experiences. As far as I’m concerned, I think shoujo manga are fundamentally stories about relationships. I think that’s where it differs greatly from shounen manga.

Fushimi: Speaking of relationships, do you perhaps feel that setting it as male/male instead of male/female makes for more interesting drama? Since there’s a barrier against homosexual relationships born out of societal taboos, and it’s precisely because they’re both men that there will be backlash against it.

Yoshida: I think there might be something like that.

Fushimi: Currently within the sociology field, it is said that this is the era where sexual love reigns supreme. However, in your works, sexual love (including heterosexual) seems to take a backseat. More than romance and sex, the connection between souls is of higher priority for you, isn’t it?

Yoshida: I think so. But, I also get the feeling that there’s love and eros and all of that inside a soul.

Fushimi: But in your works, sex between guys don’t get depicted explicitly, yes?

Yoshida: That’s because John Boyd and Dustin Hoffman didn’t have sex. The first thing I saw was like that, so (laughs).

Fushimi: It’s already fixed, like grammar rules (laughs).

Yoshida: It is. It always stops at the very edge (laughs).

Fushimi: By the way, I’m still in a relationship with the same guy as when I met you 8 years ago.

Yoshida: I’m still married too, not divorced. As always (laughs).

Fushimi: At that time, I was interested in sexuality, eroticism, why do people get drawn to each other, why do people have the urge to have sex, and things like that. Lately, I feel like that has already concluded inside me. Instead, what I’m most interested in now is: regardless of whether sexual love has ended, exists or doesn’t exist—do people have a partner that they can never let go of? It’s no longer about why people get drawn to each other, but why can’t they let go? Maybe it’s because I’ve become an old lady (laughs).

Yoshida: I feel the same way too (laughs).

Fushimi: It’s not about sexual love when it comes to long-term connections with people, isn’t it.

Yoshida: It’s not just about sex, but I think it’s definitely there.

-

Banana Fish was about to be laid off!?

Fushimi: Your works span all the way from science-fiction stories like “Yasha” to daily life stories like “The Cherry Orchard.”6 You sure have drawers full of stories to tell!

Yoshida: I wonder about that. It feels more like I have lots of shallow, wide but tiny little drawers (laughs).

Fushimi: Shallow? That’s nonsense. All your stories are very deep and meaningful!

When coming up with those stories, do you first decide on things like the characters’ personalities and upbringing, and make plenty of notes as you’re drawing?

Yoshida: Actually, I’ve never made notes. Out of 100 manga artists, there would probably be 100 different ways of drawing manga and I’m sure there are those who are very meticulous about their characters’ backgrounds. But I don’t really do that. Of course, I do sketch out the designs for the characters and show them to my editor before serialisation begins, but I don’t make detailed notes or write out the story. I just get a blank piece of paper and start drawing off the cuff.

Fushimi: For the real thing itself!?

Yoshida: I do sketch out storyboards and stuff, but mostly I just look at the paper and go, “Alright, time to draw!”

Fushimi: Are you able to see something on that blank piece of paper?

Yoshida: Hmm, I’m just getting out whatever’s inside my head. Kind of like downloading.

Fushimi: So you don’t come up with the whole story before drawing it, but instead let the story develop as you’re drawing it?

Yoshida: I do come up with a bit of it at the start, but anything after, I leave up to instinct.

Fushimi: Taking “Banana Fish” as an example, did you not think of the story from the start to the end? Did you not have a fixed composition of the story before starting serialization?

Yoshida: Nope. My thought process was like, “It’s probably something like this” (laughs). In the middle, it became “This way? Or that way?” and that’s how I proceeded.

Fushimi: I believe you’ve been critically acclaimed as a creator for your amazing sense of composition, but it turns out that you don’t draw only after making sure decisions?

Yoshida: Not at all.

Fushimi: In other words, the deadline for “Yasha” that you had been working on until late last night was all based on instinct?

Yoshida: Only instinct (laughs).

Fushimi: Don’t you get scared? Not knowing if you’ll make it to where you need to get to, not knowing if you can fold up the wrapping cloth that you’ve laid out?

Yoshida: Things will work out somehow. That’s just how it is.

Fushimi: So then, “Banana Fish” was in serialisation for about 9 years, but have you ever felt worried or wondered “Is everything going to be okay?” in the middle?

Yoshida: Not at all. The one thing I did worry about was whether it would get discontinued. It’s mostly just that (laughs). My works tend to do badly at polls, so it’s not very good for the magazine.

Fushimi: Huh? Your works? That can’t be true...

Yoshida: It’s true. I’ve almost gotten laid off a few times.

Fushimi: Unbelievable! But your works are all bestsellers!

Yoshida: Sales of the magazine and tankoubon are completely different, so in my case, it’s tough because I do noticeably worse in the magazine department. Even now, I’m working with this constant suspense (laughs). I’d be like, “Editor, please, just one more!” Every time the editor gets changed, I wonder if this is when I’ll get sacked for real. Up until now there have been a couple of times it almost happened.

Fushimi: Whoa, do they just come up to you and say, “I think it should be about time to end the story”?

Yoshida: It’s not even “should be about time,” it’s straight up, “You can stop any time now. It’s just not doing very well.” (laughs) I got told that about twice during “Banana Fish.”

Fushimi: !! No way…... Even though it’s such a famous work that would go down in history…... Absolutely unbelievable…...

Yoshida: Oh no, it happens all the time.

Fushimi: The shoujo manga industry is so harsh, or maybe, they just don’t understand what’s truly valuable.

Yoshida: But that’s how it’s like for everyone in the manga industry. It’s like soccer; the moment the coach gets changed, the fates of the players are changed as well. The players get transferred around based on the coach’s ideal composition.

Fushimi: Huh…… I guess it’s because it’s so unforgiving that good quality works will spring up again. The pure literature world is the complete opposite. We’re not exactly doing important work but the authors are all pampered, so good quality works don’t get produced as much.

-

“Lovers' Kiss” is a favourite

Fushimi: This is probably a given, but is the main character your favourite whenever you’re drawing a story?

Yoshida: Hmm, it’s not about like or dislike… but I do feel like they’re the one that I work the hardest on.

Fushimi: I get the feeling that you add more venom when you’re drawing female characters compared to male characters. To quote an example, characters like Sayoko from “Kisshou Tennyo.”7 Or, side characters like Toshi-chan’s sister in “Longer and Slower than a River.”

Yoshida: I wasn’t really aware of that myself.

Fushimi: Do you not like that naggy side of women?

Yoshida: On the contrary, I think I do like it. It’s not so much “venom,” but a deeper, darker side. I don’t actually hate women who are like that.

Fushimi: Who’s your favourite character out of everything you’ve drawn so far?

Yoshida: I like them all in their own ways. After all, they did come from within me. I think it’s hard for me to say who I like best, but… among what I’ve drawn so far especially the more recent ones, personally speaking, it might be those from “Lovers' Kiss.” That’s if I were to disregard popularity. I grew up in Kamakura, so I’ve always wanted to draw a story that’s set there.

Fushimi: I wanted to ask about that too. I think, even if we were to go as far as to consider “Banana Fish” a same-sex love story, it would just be a fanciful depiction. But in the case of “Lovers' Kiss,” it feels like it’s dealing with real life same-sex love. Plus, it’s a work that properly parallels its depiction of homosexual and heterosexual love, isn’t it?

Yoshida: I was sort of conscious of that too. That series does have love as its main theme. “Banana Fish” or my current work “Yasha” are power game stories. Those have “power game” as its main theme, while this one is “love,” so naturally my stance would be different. It becomes a more personal story. When you fall in love with someone, you start to grow afraid of many things, right? That feeling of confusion and hesitation in one’s heart… I find that sort of thing very endearing.

Fushimi: That series is quite popular in the gay community.

Yoshida: Really? That’s nice to know (laughs).

Fushimi: It seems like a real tough feat to come up with just the romantic correlation chart for the characters. Did you think that up at the very beginning?

Yoshida: I actually like that sort of story composition. I did it in “The Cherry Orchard” and even before that. I like the idea of setting a specific location or a world, and then compiling everything that has been captured through different cameras into one story.

Fushimi: It’s such a tender story. You’ve mentioned splitting your works into “power game” and “love” but the characters in either of them are always people who have been hurt, who are trying to figure out how to mend their injured hearts. They’re ultimately stories about self-acceptance, aren’t they?

Yoshida: Yeah, that’s right. People hurt each other, but healing each other is also what people do. Or at least, that’s what I think. Things like pets and music don’t really heal; they merely offer temporary comfort and distraction. I strongly feel that the only thing that can truly heal a person is another person. That’s something I want to believe in.

-

Thanks if you’ve read this far! I hope you’ve found it an interesting read, just as I did the original :)

Final disclaimer: I’m not a professional and I’ve translated this to the best of my ability, so please forgive any inaccuracies or mistakes!

-

Footnotes that are not marked with "T/L note" are translated from the original interview.

T/L note: ヘンタイ業界 (hentai gyoukai): “Hentai” is probably being used to mean “perverted/abnormal” here, so I’m making an assumption that it’s reclamation of a term used to disparage LGBTQ+ people and went with “queer (circles).” But… now I’m wondering if it’s actually closer to something like “freak industry”? ↩︎

Private Gay Life: Author Fushimi Noriaki came out as gay in this book. It is a book that had a huge impact on the gay movement in the 90s. ↩︎

Da Vinci: A monthly general literature magazine published by Media Factory, beginning in 1994. ↩︎

June: A magazine that published stories and manga based on the theme of “homosexual love between boys” which is called “tanbi.” It was published by Magazine Magazine up until its 87th issue in 1996. Kurimoto Kaoru’s stories have been illustrated by Yoshida Akimi as well. (T/L note: To be clear, June was a BL magazine. Check out the wiki for additional reading.) ↩︎

T/L note: This bit sounds strangely redundant, doesn’t it? I’m not sure why he rephrased “heterosexual” as “romantic/sexual love between men and women” either. It’s possible that I’m missing out on some background context or something, but anyway I tried to keep it as close to the original phrasing as I could. ↩︎

The Cherry Orchard (Sakura no Sono): A short series depicting the daily activities of an all-girls high school drama club that is preparing to put on the play “The Cherry Orchard” for the anniversary of the school’s establishment. Serialised from 1985 to 1986 in LaLa. ↩︎

Kisshou Tennyo: An ambitious work depicting human passion and karma, centering a mysterious girl named Kanou Sayoko. Serialised from 1983 to 1984 in Bessatsu Shoujo Comic. Received the 29th Shogakukan Manga Award. ↩︎

[coldtomyflash]

Weird question, and it's perfectly okay if "I don't know" is your answer: How did you manage to do grad school AND finish writing so many good fics? I'm writing the lit review for my dissertation right now, and I want to finish several WIPs I have (if nothing else, just to prove to myself that I can), but it just feels like I can barely do either, much less both. Any advice at all?

Ah, no worries! It’s not that odd a question. Actually, someone’s asked me before ^^;  My reply to them at the time was here. No need to read it, but it’s some context? 

My reply now that my head is in a healthier place is... long and winding and not actually full of that much advice but eh, I rambled as I do. If you just want the advice, scroll all the way down and it’s there. 

For starters, I’m not a normal comparison point. This isn’t to pat myself on the back, but for a variety of reasons, writing is something that comes really naturally to me. I’ll detail those reasons, but before I get into that, the point I’m illustrating here is that... sometimes I think people compare themselves to how much I wrote and what else I accomplished in that time and think “hey cool - that is a function human! Why can’t I do that?” And the answer is short answer is that my brain is programmed for pretty much one thing, and that thing is writing writing, and holy crap I was the opposite of a functional human when writing that much and that quickly.

The long answer is - 

I’ve been making up stories literally as long as I can remember. I spent my childhood consuming stories. I taught myself to read and was during school I was consistently reading about 8 grade levels above my reading level, and loved learning about narrative structure. I annoyed the shit out of my older brother by reading the same book series as he read, but guessing plot points that were going to happen either in that book or else 2-3 books out. he didn’t get how I would just know and I’d be like “it’s obvious - that’s where the story has to go!” Because I was imagining it in my head - what i would do with it, where it would go, where it had to go. Closing the page mid0chapter and imagining the next-scene, and then picking back up to see how right or wrong I was.

And I had a best friend for most of my childhood through to early adulthood with whom I made stories. Every weekend, creating narratives together, not writing them down but basically roleplaying them by talking them out (voices and all, it was a heck of a lot of fun, as much as it made me pretty much the nerdiest teen in existence). We tried to write a novel when we were 12, got about 7 chapters in. We had a lot of starts and stops on other stories too.

Which isn’t said to stroke my own ego, it’s said to highlight that I have a metric fuckton of explicit and implicit practice at storytelling. It was and sort of is my “whole life”. I also had teachers that helped me develop storytelling skills, and was really freaking lucky to go to a school with an AP program for English that seriously stretched my ability to write fast. We had to write an essay every single class, during class, and have it finished by the end of class (or in less time if we had lecture stuff to go over too) in my last year of high school. The essays could be creative response (i.e., short stories). I wrote a short story almost every week in the space of an hour when I was 17. By the time I got to the end of year final and actually got to use a computer and type that shit instead of hand-cramping halfway through, I somehow managed to write the two-essay final in the allotted 3 hours and, i shit you not, had a wordcount of 6000 words. 

That’s still my record. It was probably a dumpster fire but I got 100% probably for sheer volume.

Anyway that was over a decade ago, but the whole reason this life story is pertinent is because - 

I have practice. The only way to improve at anything, to get faster at it, for it to ease, is to practice. Practice at storytelling, practice at having to set a scene using just words sitting in my BFF’s room and trying to describe the image I had in my head for how I wanted her to see the scene as it was playing out. Practice at writing fast and getting feedback on how to write. Practice implicitly at trying to imagine what routes stories can take. Practice taking stories apart and piecing them back together, in my head, all the time.

So that’s part of it. 

The other part, and this is what I said in my previous post, was depression. I was seriously fucking burnt out and depressed when I started writing coldflash fic, and grad school took a huge toll on my mental health. It’s easier to write when you’re doing it to procrastinate working on your dissertation, and easier to keep writing when you get positive feedback and it feeds those lovely dopamine gremlins in your brain who aren’t getting any positive validation from grad school because holy damn that shit is hard.

I had no balance in my life for a long time. It wasn’t good. I went to counselling. I got more balance. Fic slowed down. Still finished, but not 120k words in 3 months (that was the pace when I started fic writing...jfc I don’t know how I managed.) Life got harder. Fic was now harder to write. I got more counselling. Fic was easier to write. I moved around the world. Fic got harder to write. I started anti-depressants. Narratives now seem to be flowing again. 

Regardless of the state of my mental health though, I’ve never written as much as quickly as I did during the middle of grad school. And I think that’s because I was very narratively pent up when I started writing fic. I had been so busy and pushing myself so damn hard in grad school that I didn’t make almost any time for stories, for fic, for imagining my own stories. I was suppressing that side of myself in the service of Focus. So when I burnt out, my narrative side rebounded and said “fuck that noise, I still exist, and we’re making space for me”. It took over. I came literally a hair’s breadth from quitting my PhD post candidacy. Idk what type of program you’re in, but business schools in North America? It’s a 5 year PhD typically, and I was at the end of year 3 and eyeing the door.

Anyway - I say all that because - 

I am not a good example and you should not do what I did. Finishing that many long WIPs that quickly wasn’t healthy, and was only possible because I didn’t do much else at the time, and had a lifetime of practice and a narrative rebound to make it even possible. 

But - 

My actual advice?

1) Practice. Practice. Practice. 

Not all at once, but everything counts. Daydreaming counts. Watching shows and thinking of how they could be improved counts. Talking out story ideas with friends counts. Just make it fun. Practice is something we think of as arduous and annoying. Learning new words is practice. Meeting new people and considering their traits is practice. Everything can be practice for writing. All the research you do can be practice for writing. (Random note: a childhood coping mechanism for anxiety that I had was to narrate what I was doing to myself in my head in the 3rd person. Like telling a story of myself walking to gym class in my own head. That was also practice.)

2) Have fun with it! 

Don’t making writing an obligation. Then it’s another thing on the list of things you avoid. Finishing stories often feels like an obligation. I’m going through this right now with Needs Must. It can be hard to complete a WIP because you start to have internal anxieties about disappointing readers, not living up to expectations, exhaustion from that narrative, distraction / temporary loss of interest (which is normal! and not actually a bad thing!). All of that then makes you feel guilty, which makes it impossible to get into a creative space to write. You can’t work on the thing you’re avoiding.

3) It’s okay to give your WIPs breathing space. 

When you hit a wall, you may need to set it aside and read it again in a month with fresh eyes. You may need to treat your story like someone else’s story. That’s, again, literally where I’m at right now with Needs Must. I just reread a bunch of it and hadn’t really forgotten the details but once they’re on the page they’re out of my head, and so taking some time before going back to reread it made it easier for me to think of like I think of every other story: “what would I do next with this? Oh that’s a twist, that needs to come back later. There’s a theme here, we’ve seen that three times. What’s the best ending I, as a reader now, can imagine for this?”

If avoidance, guilt, and/or writer’s block aren’t your issue, and it’s literally just down to time management - 

4) Your graduate degree is more important than your WIPs. 

Your WIPs aren’t going anywhere, they don’t have a deadline, and your readers will wait for you, and new ones will find you. Time management is an essential, awful, part of being an academic. 

I get more done, both at work and creatively on fic, when I’m just a bit too busy, but that’s me. Figure out what is optimal for you, and do it. When do you get the most writing done? When you’re relieved? When you’re anxious? Late at night? First thing in the morning? When does it flow? When won’t it ruin your graduate career?

(Seriously I was writing fic at work last week and was kicking myself. I don’t have time for that shit! Set boundaries on your time!)

But full serious here, graduate school is exhausting, and almost inherently de-motivating, and even the best damn students eye the door a lot of the time, even if they do finish. It’s stressful and you feel constantly powerless. It’s a lot to need to cope with. I found writing to be a way to cope. That lit review you’re working on? Yeah, it’s zapping your time and energy. That’s normal (unfortunately). And it’s good to give yourself breaks from that to write. Don’t feel guilty for taking time here and there for yourself - to write, or to not write. To relax, unplug, unwind. To close your eyes and daydream (if you’re me) or have a bubble bath (if you’re my sister), or do whatever helps you honestly, genuinely destress. The best thing you can do for both writing and for graduate school is to take breaks and take time for yourself. There is actual science on the importance of breaks, and academics are fucking notorious for putting too much pressure on themselves to actually relax.

5) If you’re burnt out and/or depressed - seek help! 

Most universities have resources for mental health! Talk to a doctor! Don’t put too much stress and pressure on yourself! Almost half of grad students are mentally ill at some point!

6) Talk out your stories with friends! 

I know I already said this under “practice” but having a fandom friend to bounce ideas with and cheer you on is amazing and essentially. I was in constant contact with Bealeciphers when I started writing, and now I have a different friend who’s helped me the past couple years with writing and developing my stories. Mostly they cheer me on, and when I’m stuck, I tell them where the story is going and what I need help with. But honestly, writing doesn’t need to happen in a vacuum and doesn’t need to be you hunched over a laptop in the dark all alone and staring blankly at a screen (I’m definitely not projecting here, no siree). It’s amazing how motivating it is and how much it can help you stay on track to check in regularly with other writing friends!

7) Pick your battles.

You say you have a... couple(?) of WIPs? How many are you juggling? Is it too many? Do you need to set one (or two??) aside? When my steam was slowly and AATJS and Tumbling Together started to feel like a chore, I set TT aside and took a month break from AATJS then dived right back into AATJS (with the help of the friend mentioned above, cheering me on) because I knew it would be the harder one to finish, and the one that I feared I’d never finish if I put it aside too long. I tackled the biggest hurdle first. If that’s the type of thing for you, I recommend it. Pick the story that’s either the most or least likely to get finished, and focus your energy there.

Another battle-picking thing here? It’s okay to outsource. I’m terrible for not using a proofreader beta. It’s a weird control thing, despite the fact that I love people pointing out typos in my works so I can freaking fix them. The point here is: don’t be like me. If you suck at finding your own typos, use a beta or proofreader. My writer friend who helps me helps when I get stuck. I help them when they need feedback on specific scenes and tones, and I’ve recently discovered they hate editing (I love editing) so this entertains me to no end. Just - you don’t have to do it all yourself. If you feel like you do, see points 5 and 6 again.

Aaaannnddd that’s that. Whew. I just spent... wow, too long on this. I spent as much time on this as I did on my own grad student’s lit review I was providing feedback on today ^^; #whoops 

[carpisuns]

I didn’t have advice at the time I posted this but im actually feeling a lot better now so here are some tips that might help!

Tips for burnout in general:

Take a nap. Seriously. Treat yourself like a kindergartener. Have a little snack and tuck yourself in and take a nap.

Better yet, go to bed a few hours earlier than usual. Do you usually stay up till 3 am on Friday nights? Go to bed at 10 and get an actual good night’s sleep. It honestly does wonders. Sleep deprivation makes everything so much harder to handle and rest is what your burned-out brain craves more than anything else right now! If you do not rest your body will eventually force you to anyway and you’ll crash. Lights out binch!!

If you are able, take a day off. Call in sick to work. Skip classes for one day. Give yourself one long weekend dedicated solely to rest and relaxation. Do not do any homework. Do not check your work email. Do not do anything that stresses you out! If you’re at the point where you are so physically and mentally exhausted that you can’t even enjoy the little free time you have, rest is an absolutely necessity. You can’t do quality work while you are that burned out, and there is almost nothing that can’t wait for one day. You need this time to recover so that you can come back to your tasks more refreshed and when you do, chances are they will feel a little less overwhelming.

If burnout is an ongoing problem for you, take a high-level look at what is on your plate and what you can offload. Is the number of credits you’re taking this semester actually too much? Do you need to discuss your workload with your boss? Or maybe seek a new position at a place where you can have a better work/life balance? Are there people in your life who can help you carry the load?

Look for small ways to make your life easier. For example: Grocery shopping is exhausting to me, especially after a long week of work. But I found out that my local grocery store has free grocery pickup, and it saves me so much time and stress and energy! I also hate taking out the trash bc I live on the third floor of my building and the dumpster is a little bit of a walk. So now when I leave for work I take the trash down with me, toss it in the trunk of my car, and stop to dump it on my way out. Maybe these things seem really lazy but they help me complete necessary tasks in a less burdensome way so I don’t care!

Tips for creative burnout specifically:

Try some low-pressure creative exercises. If you’re an artist, give yourself time to do some silly pen doodles or freestyle sketching to loosen up. If you’re a writer, try doing some short, 100-word drabbles. Don’t worry if it’s less than your best work. Let it be ugly! The point is to just release some pent-up creative energy and hopefully have some fun with it.

If your time is limited or you don’t have the energy to give much, working in short sprints could help. Set a timer for however long you want and try to stay focused on one creative task until it goes off.

If it helps, rotate between multiple projects so when you get bored or frustrated with one you can move on to something else and come back to it later

Conversely, it might be better to choose one project you would really like to finish and focus on that until you’re done. i often get like decision fatigue from having so many wips to choose from and if I haven’t actually finished something in a while I feel even more frustrated/discouraged so sometimes (depending on my current situation) it’s really nice to just power through something and be done and feel that sense of release and accomplishment

Break bigger project into small, manageable pieces. Like, today I will do some rough thumbnails of this comic idea and the next day I’ll draw the first two panels. Or, today I’m gonna do an idea dump for this fic and the next day I’ll organize it into a timeline before I start actually writing.

Skip the stuff that feels like a burden and either come back to it or don’t do it at all. If you hate lining your art, then don’t. Just color your sketches. Leave the anatomy a little wonky if you have to. If you’re stuck on a scene you’re writing just put what’s supposed to happen and come back to it—“they have a long epic battle and then kiss with the passion of a thousand fiery suns” or whatever. If prose sounds like too much work and u just wanna write dialogue, try writing a chat fic or a play script with simple stage directions! If a wip no longer appeals to you, save it for later or just scrap it. The purpose of hobby creation is enjoyment. So do the things you like and don’t feel like you have to force yourself to do things you don’t enjoy.

Shake it up! Try switching creative gears. If you’re both a writer and an artist but have been focusing on one over the other, shift to the other one for a little while. Even if you’re only one and not the other, trying the other one out could end up being really fun and refreshing. Or try something totally new! Origami, embroidery, blackout poetry, calligraphy, songwriting, collages made from magazine cutouts, fancy finger food, little fairy houses for your yard. Whatever! I think a creative mind always itches to create somehow and maybe that itch can be satisfied in a lot of ways you hadn’t considered before

If the burnout is super bad, sometimes the most helpful thing is not just not create at all, even if you want to. Sometimes your brain need a hard reset before it can get back in creative mode, so give yourself a break and instead of stressing about not being creatively productive, just lean into that. Catch up on some reading, watch some TV, whatever. And when you’re ready you can come back to whatever you were working on

Obviously none of these things are like a surefire cure for the problem and it’s not a one size fits all kind of thing—these are just some things I have personally found helpful. I hope this helps you too and that you feel better soon! 💜

when u are a creator and you Love creating and you get the Itch To Make Stuff and you just Need to create to stay sane and feel creatively fulfilled BUT you are so burned out by other concerns/responsibilities that you don’t have the time or energy (or both) to create and you still have a million ideas but it’s hard to find the motivation to work on anything or even be excited about it bc you’re just so Tired and your brain is Dead and you feel like the creative equivalent of a shredded tire on the side of the highway

[taeguboi]

BTS as... Punks

So hahahahaha idk why it posted my extremely incomplete draft earlier (bug with the app?) So consider that now deleted post as a preview hahaha

Requested: “BTS as Punks please!”

RM

activist

anything that's for a good cause

he's behind it

probably makes his own charity

for something close to his heart

and puts on punk events a few times a week

music

poetry

all kinds of food stalls

suitable for everyone’s dietary needs

the occasional street protest

quite laid back though

but the things he has done have had a huge impact on people’s lives

he feeds the poor at his music events

he takes in donations from people to aid the homeless

basically against those unfair imbalances you get in society

he wants to be in a punk band 

but at the same time it isn’t really for him

so sometimes he just grabs a guitar 

and busks with improvised lyrics 

things that are on his mind

things about the world at present

and the things the talks and posts about to people inspire writers of bands

kind of like a journalist

he knows everyone on the local punk scne

he’s been involved ever since he was a kid

smokes a fair amount like

“cool mate, cool beans... right, I’m just off out for a fag”

not many piercings as you might expect

like mostly his ears

and a few intimate areas...

always has colourful punk hair

probably a low key mohawk

several meaningful tattoos

because his family is everything

so is this one person in his life

some drunken tattoos also hahaha

couple of face tatts

always a gentleman to girls

if there’s a creep on the scene 

just tell him

that guy will be exposed 

and gone for good from this local punk scene

and beyond as far as his contacts can take him

he just wants a safe scene

will fend for anyone though really

has a local watering hole

go down to that pub on any afternoon 

and there’s 90% chance he is there

mostly just for the people

maybe buys only 2 drinks the whole time usually

but if he gets drunk

get your notepad and pen

he’s gonna throw 196489 contacts your way

so if your band are ever in need of a gig

you know who to call

Jin

at first, doing punk music is merely a hobby

but then it turns into something more

his pleasure in busking turns into a passion

a dream to make it with a band

so he gets together the best people he knows

and they fucking rock

no one can say a bad thing about Jin’s punk band

they rehearsed diligently for so long

so they sound so tight

he rocks the denim jacket

with all the patches

some badges too

a ton of badges are on his bag though instead

and stickers on his guitar case

a fan of every band he performs with

his guitar case is choc a bloc with local band stickers

so he doesn’t have a mohawk

but his bangs progressively get messier

occasionally he dyes them [example, like V’s green bangs in hyyh era]

he changes loads in little ways

like you leave school and he’s this ‘ordinary’ lad

but then you bump into him like 7 years later 

and wtf he’s stunning

like his aura changed

you thought maybe he’d go into like a business job

but he’s rocking the stage most nights a week

you can’t help but go support him more

and maybe something happens from there but that can be a story for another time

and so maybe he doesn’t get BIG with this band

but he earns a sustainable income

and that’s more than good enough

life is good

music, booze and girls

no drugs tho

wise in that sense, contrary to some punk stereotypes

kind of fluffy actually

some say he’s a poser

but he just likes to look good

and is aware how certain rougher looks just really don’t suit him

so that’s all there is to that 

actually that’s all there is to this

the end :P

Suga

probably a performer too

maybe more into the dub / ska kind of genre

full of stage presence and hype

when he has a message

he fucking gets it across

because he’s so assertive

as well as those catchy melodies

just messy af hair

doesn’t care for it to be any particular length or style

just keep it natural

in fact, fuck visuals

no dress sense whatsoever

like he has a green shirt on with pink jeans and yellow converse

sound is all that matters

so what else?

solitary

like he could be backed up by a band

but fuck that

if he has the equipment that can do it all then why not?

it’s easier to work alone

so he supports like 876 charity events

and has a big share of festivals

headline material

especially at the proper hippie festivals

great for people high af

great for drunkards

great for sober peeps too

you get it, great for everyone

apart from perhaps kids 

cos swearing

sometimes you need that bit of aggression in lyrics, right?

he’s not as aggressive as he might seem on stage

but something is pent up in there

and he is one rough boy

actually, a lot like badboy!suga

can handle anything

but can you handle him?

J-Hope

idk why I always imagine him as a skater

but here we go

in a skate punk band

bass player

can also do drums tho

backwards caps for life

that one band member you think is shy af

cos he seems so quiet

but the moment you say ‘hey’ and congratulate him on a good show

he can talk your ear off for hours

again no drugs

but plenty of beer

cos getting drunk is funnier

the world is a more enjoyable place with skate punk and alcohol

seriously it really is, take that from me hahah

graffiti projects

either for promotion

or to help like restless kids as a distraction or something

let’s just say that’s something he can relate to

may or may not be how he got into this whole skate punk stuff

so yeah will take any charity gig

doesn’t mind if venues pay him in beer

he would have spent the dollar on that anyways

all about living it up with his mates

bros before hoes

has a side band that’s like party punk

any excuse to get bros together

for a good old knees up

only bands of his close friends get played in the car

girls are quite interested in him

but lmao he’s having none of it

he just wants to embrace life

don’t need anything more than mates and family

but he writes really cool songs on the topic of love

you know without being too soppy with it being punk and all

but it’s fucking amazing

but no one knows where he gets the ideas from

no one knows where he gets his energy from either 

will jump off everything and anything

on certain days, he’ll climb everything and anything too

just a fun loving cool punk

Jimin

more or less that one guy you see everywhere on the scene

he’s not in a band

doesn’t really do his own music

but he’s a fan of his scene

every weekend, he’s somewhere to see punk music

be it the local pub for one of his faves

or a town centre for a punk charity thing

or even miles away to see someone he knows getting bigger

leather

with a few patches

piercings

all the ear piercings you could imagine

lips and tongue

used to have an eyebrow one

but decided he looked too generic

or like a chav

something or other

he knows he doesn’t have the most original look

but he can’t stand being too similar to someone else

if anyone in this room tonight is wearing a leather jacket and completely black clothing

he might just tear it off himself and / or burn it

abs and tatts are a good look anyone so doesn’t matter

probably works out to punk music

high school drop out

because he started to realize how useless it is

so he’s generally clever where it’s more relevant in life

saves money well

good paying job

can fund his love for punk basically

and each and every band he supports fully appreciates it

I’m sorry guys I swear there isn’t a not fluffy Jimin gif for me to use hahaha

V

so yeah I’m sorry if this turns out too similar to

badboy!V

because I literally made him a punk in that hc

I’m thinking he’s a lead singer of a punk band

that raspy voice works to his advantage

capable of hardcore punk genres

but prefers and sticks to a more rock n roll kind of punk

long hair

whatever colour he feels like this month

piercings galore

tatts galore

will put a needle anywhere on his body

lives on the edge

lives in the moment

yolo

arrests

protests

he’s done it all

cos fuck the law man

if something about society bothers him

he will speak up

fearless boy

will get his band a gig anywhere in the country

he has things he needs to say

thoughts to spread

only uses social media for punk

his profile is just of gig pictures of his own and sharing events

not your typical singer

kind of writes everything

the band just copy / pick up what he shows them

busks alone sometimes too

may or may not make extra dollar from sneaky acoustic gigs

but it’s not out of selfishness, no

he will always have a goal in mind

and good intentions

like he wants to band to afford professional recordings

or he wants to set up and event

that kind of thing

pay attention

to the things he talks about in his music

you’ll learn a lot

Jungkook

drummer

just needs to hit something

so as long as it isn’t people then great

basically the world screwed him over in some way at some point

and it made him rethink his views about the world

for ages it was restless frustration about it all

but then he discovered punk

the day he discovered his local scene

he wrote random poetry for days

the words had flow to them

but they were unconventional

and then a mate sees it

and he’s like “dude this is sick”

and a band is formed

likes a bit of everything

has friends he can go to the skate park with

has mates to mosh with at hardcore gigs

has friends he can chill with for ska

quite a late learner with the drums

but he must have a natural talent for it

because he becomes amazing in just under 2 years

can do any genre of punk

everyone wants him in their new projects

he’s the guy everyone needs if their guy quits

you know, the demand for Jungkook’s drumming is insance

fortunately he’s wise enough to just stick with the first 3 bands

cos like I say not only does he drum for them

but his creative input for lyrics is huge

just sit him down, give him a topic and bam

he’s just written you a verse and chorus

what else?

50% backwards caps

25% forwards cap

25% lost his cap

somewhat forgetful in areas other than drumming

maybe a bit of a stoner like

“oh yeah man! I forgot about that!

the way his cap is on does often depend on level of alcohol in his blood

forwards for business

backwards for sloshed party animal

breaks a lot of drum sticks by accident

breaks a few hearts by accident welp

I guess girls and guys just notice the muscle 

which he never hides well

cos of course as a drummer, you’re gonna wear a vest really

yeah, that’s pretty much it

[mariniacipher]

Names

Summary: Vigilance had always tried to protect Thomas. Anxiety had never been his name. Virgil had a reason for not telling the others his name.

Word Count: 1.880

Warnings: none that I’m aware of.

ao3 link

When he first introduced himself, he was insecure and saw danger in every corner and every shadow, but he had managed to keep calm, even as the others had stared him down, clearly displeased. “I’m Vigilance” he had muttered, playing with the sleeves of his shirt and trying to swallow the air that was stuck in his throat.

“Hi! I’m Morality, I was here first” the tallest of them grinned, and Vigilance had nodded, a small but grateful smile on his face. Seemed like at least someone didn’t hate him on sight. But he knew those were bad thoughts, so he dragged them to the back of his mind, where they wouldn’t disturb him or Thomas. “Well, Vigilance, I don’t know what you want here, but we managed fine without you, so sit back and watch, okay?” Creativity said, and as he glared at Vigilance he felt his shoulders rise, the pumping of blood beginning to echo in his ears. But… he knew he was here for a reason! “Oh yeah? ‘Cause I think Thomas would be really hurt if I hadn’t been there” he muttered, even though he hated having to bring it up. He had managed just fine doing his job out of the subconscious, without a physical form that would weigh him down and forced him to experience everything so much more intensely.

He knew he should’ve formed years ago. But he couldn’t change it now, could he? “Now, no reason to argue” Morality smiled, even if it seemed a bit strained. He didn’t want his family to fight! It didn’t matter that Vigilance had formed a few hours ago, he was obviously here to stay.Morality could see how he was different to Mrs. Dragonpuff and Mx. Hydroprank, who had both gone off after a few months.

Vigilance shrugged and flopped down on the couch Creativity had created for their main hub. Logic looked up from his book. He was currently reading the book on the rainforest that was already showing signs of its regular use, even though there were always pages being added whenever Thomas learned something new. But he quickly returned to his study and Creativity huffed before turning tail to go into Imagination. He didn’t want to deal with this new annoyance. It had been infuriating enough when Logic had gained more power until he was on par with Morality... He didn’t want to think about what would happen if Vigilance would grow in power the same way.

Morality looked after him but suppressed the urge to go after him. He knew that Creativity would come to him when he wanted to. Also, Imagination was scary. He sat down next to Vigilance, his hands under his thighs so he wouldn’t gesture as much he knew the others didn’t mind, but his Friend had told him it was annoying, so he wouldn’t take any chances with the new Side. He still almost jumped in place with pent-up energy, but that was normal for him. “Do you want to do something?” he asked, grin still plastered on his face. Vigilance flinched at his voice and stared at him for a second, before gulping and nodding. “Yeah. Sorry I spaced out, this place is… different from here” he whispered and now Logic looked up from his book again, even putting it down. “You mean that you were here before forming?” he asked, but Vigilance shrunk under his scrutinizing gaze. “Yeah? I… I thought I could do my job just fine out of the subconscious…” he murmured.

Morality really hoped that the other would quickly grow comfortable enough around them to speak normally. “That’s really interesting, so you already had a-“Logic’s face scrunched up in thought as he searched for the right word. Morality didn’t really understand why he always tried to sound like their teachers, especially since it made it so difficult to understand him sometimes. “Had a sentience? Even though you were just” he waved his hand around. “Subconscious stuff?” “Uhm, yeah. It was like… I was me, but I could… see you more? Like, I could see the energy around you and stuff. But otherwise I was me, but I had no form… it’s nice, you’re never lonely, and there’s always some comforting thing when I panic too much” he tried to explain, playing with his sleeves as he watched down at them. Logic continued his questionnaire, eventually getting paper and a pencil and to Morality it seemed like they got along fine. They both talked like their teachers, but Vigilance was obviously still anxious. ~ It turned out that Vigilance was anxious most the time. And even though Logic could often calm him with his reasoning and his Teacher Voice, it still had an influence on Thomas. He grew more shy and reserved, it got more difficult for him to ask for help and he wasn’t as adventurous as before. Creativity was having none of it.

He was frustrated, he was angry at Vigilance, he didn’t want to deal with his dumb worrying- He just wanted things to go back to normal! But it didn’t, and it was getting annoying. He tried all he could, he made it a game to force Thomas out of his shell, he took out some of the more threatening parts in his daydreams to make it seem easier for Thomas, he did all he could. And yet, Vigilance always had something to complain and whimper about. It was simply not fair! ~ Creativity was currently going with Ashanti, a name she had read in one of the books she had to convince Logic was worth their time. And Ashanti was also currently in a fight with Vigilance, because he was afraid of a freaking birthday party!

“I don’t care that they stared at Thomas that one time! They invited us and our friends are gonna be there! Can’t you-Logic, can’t you tell Negative Nancy why he’s being stupid right now?” she asked, gesturing at the logical Side, long hair obscuring her vision. But of course he had his head in a book –Chemistry now- and rose an eyebrow at Ashanti. “I can see Vigilance’s concerns, even if he blew them a bit out of proportion. And it’s just a birthday party, we have tests to study for and homework to do, not to forget that Mom’s birthday is coming up and you still have to think of something to get her” he said, before looking back down. “But shouldn’t we go meet our friends? We were all so excited about it until a few hours ago, and it took so long to choose the right gift” Patton chimed in. “Yes, Patton!” Ashanti proclaimed. “We were happy about it, but then a special someone had to be overly anxious!”

Vigilance crossed his arms, standing up. “Listen, I’m just saying that it probably isn’t worth the risk of public humiliation to go to the party of a jerk who looks at us funny every time we see them in the hall!” “Vigilance, you’re blowing things out of proportion again” Logic noted, turning his page. “So?” the Side screeched. Couldn’t they at least try to understand? “You’re all going to get Thomas bullied, because there’s going to go something wrong, and everyone’s gonna see it, and we’re gonna end up-“

“Can’t you stop?” Ashanti shouted. “Why can’t you take a risk for once? It’s a freaking party, not a snake pit! But no, you have to be anxious and annoying and altogether unnecessary!” She ignored the alarmed look from Patton. “Why do we even bother? You’ll just play up all these small details and end up in a panic anyway! You’re just Anxiety, you know?” “I am not!”  “Oh really? Because last time I checked vigilant people weren’t so fucking pathetically anxious and nothing else!” “You-You-Do you…. Okay, what-ever! I’m out of here. Go to your stupid party, I don’t care!” Vigilance’s voice broke and he had tears in his eyes, but he managed to swallow his hurt and hide it behind nonchalance as he sunk out and directly into his room. ~ They ended up going to the party, but were too anxious to have fun. Vigilance never found out about Patton and Logan scolding Roman. As Roman still continued to use the name, the hurt grew and turned into bitterness and anger. Vigilance told himself it didn’t matter when his name was forgotten. Anxiety told himself he didn’t mind at all. ~ Anxiety was hidden in his room, Creativity had just chosen a new name, but it seemed like the Royalty had become part of their Personality so maybe they would soon settle on a name as well. Or even a gender.

The Dark Side was listening to some My Chemical Romance songs that had just come out and looking at the book that was lying on the other side of the room. It seemed to mock him. And it wasn’t like he needed one…. Even if both Patton and Princey had one. But he knew he wasn’t part of their group, he knew it wouldn’t change anything. So really, it was quite ridiculous that the book was even there, and he really should put it back-

Anxiety chose that moment to take the book. It was heavy, counting way over thousand pages, holding all the names Thomas had ever heard. He looked through it, and scrunched his nose at the names he found. Even the few that didn’t sound awful didn’t sound like they matched and he really should have known better.

He put the book away. ~ Anxiety looked through the book whenever he couldn’t sleep, which was most times. It took way too long to even get through the names with an “A” but he couldn’t stop himself, driven by the desire to belong, at least in one way. ~ Months had gone by when he finally got to names beginning with “V”. He knew that he was on the right track as he looked through names that at least shared the first letter of his real name. Still, he was almost afraid to get through the section and come out empty. ~ “Virgil”

Anxiety murmured the name to himself, listening to it curl around his tongue and dance over his lips. It was… an unusual name. It sounded like some important person from Rome-maybe a poet? He didn’t know as much about history as Logic. It was definitely not fitting his Emo-aesthetic, and really, he thought again, he should be satisfied with Anxiety, it was maybe not his name, and maybe it didn’t match him at all, and maybe it stung a bit whenever he heard it, but… It wasn’t that bad. But… as he looked at it. He knew that it was right. Virgil smiled despite himself as he closed the book and moved to get it back to Memory. ~

Virgil laughed when he found out that his name probably literally meant vigilant.

It ended up a bit choked and a bit wet. But he managed to cover it up when he went to talk with the others. ~ It would take much longer for him to trust the others with this name.

Afraid Roman would replace it yet again.

Afraid the others would go along with it yet again.