#and let them see themselves represented so they feel less alone

[tleeaves]

you mentioned you're exploring neurodivergence: characters you relate to in a way that migghhhht be related to neurodivergence and why you relate to them and i'll do my thing that i do with the characters

Thank you so much for this ask, lovely <3 so, yes, I am exploring neurodivergence, specifically along the lines of ADHD and CPTSD, but if I've learned anything while learning about neurodivergence, it's that certain aspects of disorders can overlap or even be mistaken for something else. Eventually, I intend to consult a professional. In the meantime, I make do. And I do have characters I relate to, in ways that might be related to neurodivergence.

We'll mostly deal with TSC characters. So, this is sort of combined, but James Herondale and Matthew Fairchild. I don't self-identify with them the way I do more with Cordelia, but I relate to things about them that just aren't quite present in her that are important to me. It's a bit difficult to talk about all the ways in which I relate to both James and Matthew without sharing some incredibly vulnerable stuff that I generally just don't like to talk about, but I'll try and pick out the things that might be related to neurodivergence.

This is... so so so tricky, actually. I mean, how do I even pin-point traits and things? How do I do this without sounding way too random and vague and end up just talking about things that might have nothing to do with the topic at hand? Matthew's mannerisms feel like mine, theatrical, flourishing hand gestures to accompany speech, being able to switch topics quickly, feeling like my creativity is stifled, way too focused on my physical appearance though I personally do my best to hide it, my reasoning for keeping fit is half about self-defense and protecting my siblings and friends and half about looking good which always makes me think of the way Matthew would treat training, I love finding and wearing unique clothing items that may or may not cost way too much and so it's lucky I just find these treasures in thrift stores, I also have a tendency to Smile my way through social circles (there's a running joke that I can approach absolutely anyone and strike up a conversation. Anyone), I flirt with everyone because I like the thrill of it and it allows a sort of distance from vulnerability in a way I can't exactly explain, this guy has depression and I have depression, I am often the comedian of the group or at least the entertainer (my failed dates and weird social encounters make for exciting conversations), and because of that... I don't know. Matthew feels like he's almost always acting. The world is his stage. And I feel like that all the time. I don't even know who I'm performing for half the time. It gets a bit exhausting in some ways. I struggle to always be an entertainer, to be social, to respond to conversations properly and not get way too hurt over little comments people make that they probably don't realise were taken the wrong way. I am a massive overthinker and the only times I can escape that are in entirely different environments where I basically have permission to have no outside obligations and relax or when I have the rare alcoholic drink that forces my body and mind to lose tension. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately), my health doesn't allow me to drink often if at all these days.

So, I get broody, and that reminds me of both Matthew and James. I can be a very deep brooder. Silent, stone-faced, almost apathetic. That reminds me more of James. I'm a passionate person with a temper that I've spent years getting under control, but it means I need a lot of outlets for all that emotion. Getting too stuck in my own head makes me restless and I have to move and push myself physically to make myself too exhausted to be so deep in my thoughts. It's interesting, to me, that I workout for defense and aesthetics, but that it's also a crutch at this point for letting out pent up energies. If I don't, I go into weird, fairly brief episodes of extra excitable and sort of reckless behaviour (more like reduced inhibition), which can be worsened at night compared to if it happens during the day. If you hadn't clued in yet: it was after I analysed James in the post I have pinned on my blog that I realised how much his night on the town in TMH reminded me of myself, which is why I couldn't think of a reason for a while of it being a symptom of anything but him being himself just as I know that's how I can act. His cause for that episode may be different to mine, but I definitely felt some similarities there. Even James' performance-like behaviour called to me, his Chesire grin, the absolute mischief--as much as I am charmed (it's James Herondale after all), I also have this feeling of "that's me! I get that!" And yet I can't even name or explain it.

Which in turn makes me think of Will Herondale. I very rarely talk about this because a) one of my friends is in love with him and I don't need her associating me with him or vice versa, b) an ex of mine has expressed an affinity with Will which makes me feel like I can't have it either since we relate to him in fairly different ways, c) everyone would just roll their eyes at me. Oh, and, you know, it's weird because he's the father of my fictional crush 😭 Anyway. There's something about Will growing up in the countryside of Wales (I come from the countryside of Victoria where I spent just over half my life so far on a farm) and caring so deeply for his sisters, being connected to his culture and missing parts of it, being loyal to Jem and, eventually, Tessa to a point it's almost self-destructive and yet feeling like he's stumbling in the dark when it comes to getting people to like him and to being a good friend to people, being a little shit in general, spinning tales (I've done this since I could even talk, to the point where I used to fabricate so many lies as a kid, simply because I could, and because so many other kids had experiences and things that I never did and I tried to lie about it to make up for it), and I just... in the weirdest way, I relate deeply to Will. I'm not even as attached to him as I am many other characters, but he's who I think of first most of the time when it comes to his rather silly behaviour, his excitability (after finding out the curse was not real), his solitary walks, going to rare bookstores and knowing a bunch of classics, having a tendency toward poetry but only for certain people and rather privately, the messiness of his room even. My best friend jokes that my room (whenever she sees it) is actually Jace Herondale's room because it's "monk-like and bare", but she doesn't see it when I have a burn out period and I'm too exhausted to even put clothes away or cups of tea, or do anything about my piles of books or pens and papers everywhere. I leave jewellery out too. It feels like a dragon's den, which is what I think of Will's room. I rarely make my bed properly. There's nothing necessarily stopping me, and in fact I feel happier and better when everything is neat and clean and organised, but I just can't bring myself to do anything for certain periods of time.

There's also Jem, but he and I understand each other on a chronic illness level, which to me has always been a separate sort of mental framework. But while he makes music to sort through his feelings, I listen to music to help me focus (I space out and my thoughts derail and I'm rather time blind and hours will pass unproductively and music (or urgency/deadlines) so far is the only thing that gets me honed in on an activity/work). That's also a little in connection to other things though where music is my crutch. I tend to dissociate from reality and it's an alarming and distressing feeling. I've never seen it done in fiction quite like how I experience it, so I tend to just write it myself (you can see bits of it with Lila in WBITHOM, such as outside The Devil Tavern going after Matthew and in the dark ballroom scene the night of the Institute dinner with the Lightwoods). I've reached out to others who experience it and even did research, and I actually cried with relief because I thought I was going crazy and losing my grip on everything, but I'm not alone and there is every chance I can end these episodes. Music helps me focus and sort of tie me to reality/myself/the present moment, so that I don't "slip", because when I do I forget myself and my surroundings and started wondering where I am and how I got there and who I am and why I'm here--it's like an existential crisis except you've forgotten literally everything and you're stunned and everything looks weird and the people are familiar yet unfamiliar and all the sounds are kind of loud but also muffled. This is often a dissociation that can occur due to trauma, though also unknown reasons and triggers, and sleep deprivation is thought to either cause or worsen it in some instances (and I have not had enough sleep in some time, let me tell you).

Edit: also, for the derealisation/depersonalisation above, I do relate to Katniss Everdeen from The Hunger Games who uses this technique where she mentally goes through a checklist of things that identify herself and reality, i.e. My name is [full name], I am 19, I live in Australia, I am half-Greek, I have such and such sisters and so and so brothers, I am here right now with my family/friends, we are doing [activity], I was born [birth date] etc. Recalling these facts and things helps reel everything in, but I am still left rather fragile feeling afterward.

So, there's kind of a lot going on in this noggin of mine. I don't fully understand a lot of it. Life can be scary and frustrating and downright exhausting. But I'm determined one day to finally seek some help. As I mentioned earlier, I do what I can on my own and with friends. Anyway, that's me on the nature of, well, me. Feels weird to talk about myself this way, even if it was tied with characters. Sorry for the wait, by the way, this was really tricky to try and write (and then I kept forgetting, whoops).

[8housevenus]

astrology observations

pisces suns always have this karma mindset. some people often confuse pisces suns as step-overs, but these people are always trying to spread hope and good into the world. they usually get all the good coming back to them in some way. for them it pays off to give unrequited favors, love, etc. makes sense since pisces rules over the 12th house and that usually represents our psyche and our association with present-past-future.

jupiter in 12th house people are truly blessed with navigating the unknown. these people take a shot in the dark and it turns out for the best.

wherever you have pluto in your chart is going to be the area in which will trigger you the most, also the sign can be revealing of how you need to go about these changes. ex; pluto in 12th in sagittarius. triggers will come from feeling trapped, over analyzing to the point of destruction, etc. it being in sagittarius can symbolize that the best way to get over those obstacles is to change environments (freedom), or full throttle all of your emotional investments (feel all your feels until you can fully let go).

the sign that rules over your 8th house is usually the sign you will resent the most.

partner sun as your moon and vice versa synastry is overrated. i notice the moon person will always be more secretive towards sun, and the sun person will always be more naive to moon. there can be a lot that lacks here and it isn’t a connection that remains consistent.

^ the most strongest bonds will always be when your partners sun is opposing your moon, vice versa. we call them sister signs for a reason because it is such an intimate connection. there’s a feeling of being understood from a whole new lens. these people can give you a real breakdown on who you are and can shape new experiences better than anyone else.

people with mars in water sign houses (12/8/4) usually have a lot of trauma they don’t share. mars can symbolize aggression upon us or onto others, and when it falls in these houses, there can be fears of opening up their wounds for the world to see them. a lot of their struggles are silent, and a lot of their fights are silent as well.

cancer/moon in 11th house is the friend that gets invited everywhere but chooses not to go because of minor inconveniences.

mercury dominant people are so comforting. they are so open about themselves that it makes you feel less alone about your situations. they have the best stories, the best conversation skills, and they are very charming with their expression.

it’s so easy to spot libra women. they have such harmonious features, delicate sense of style, always in company by others, and keep everything classy. they have the best composure and patience.

chiron aspecting mercury harshly can mean that somebody develops insecurities very quickly, or gets told that they need to change a lot about themselves. sometimes they can feel ashamed to speak or express themselves authentically.

saturn opposing/square jupiter people can struggle with letting life play out how it needs to. sometimes they forget that they must learn to let go of control and leave it up to chance. they are worried about things not working in their favor since they are used to needing to do a lot from scratch more than others.

capricorn moons usually turn pain into humor. many things do bother them more then they like to reveal, but they would rather make it seem under control.

the best looking men i know all have prominent libra in their big 3 and capricorn & pisces placements. men with libra placements are self assured and know they look good. men with capricorn placements are humble about their appearance and it is so important that they get the details of their aesthetic perfect. men with pisces have such a good taste in fashion and have a very adorable demeanor.

a sagittarius mercury favorite line is “im bout to crash out”.

gemini mars are the realest people i know. you would only ever call a gemini mars 2 faced if you did something to provoke them and they told you how it is. they are good at observing and thinking before acting. they are calculated and don’t take much convincing on anything, these people can make their minds up very fast and problem solve better than anyone else.

gemini and libra friendships are so unserious, in a good way though!! libra provides a safe space for the gemini, and the gemini allows libra to be themselves. it’s sweet.

2nd house/3rd house taurus/cancer, venus, mercury, neptune can make somebody a great singer or very alluring with their voices. if your mercury aspects saturn well or it is in your first house, you have a voice that people can listen to forever.

avoid synastry where the suns square each other, too much ego clashes and will bud heads on the tiniest things where there is always an ego attack.

[guided-by-stars]

I have so many thoughts about the depiction of queer characters in Stars and Time and I fear I will never be able to express all of them…let alone coherently. One of the things I think about the most is the variety in aroaspec experiences represented. As someone who is aroaspec myself, it means so very much to me.

Mirabelle is very clearly romance and sex repulsed! She says explicitly that “doing things” with others is something she would never ever be able to bring herself to do, and that the idea of it is gross, and being in a romantic relationship would make her uncomfortable and is not something she would want to do at all. That she hates thinking about the idea of it for herself. She doesn’t merely not desire/care for it, she’s repulsed by the very idea of doing any of it. With that being said, she loves to read about romance! She finds it fun! Thinking about people in her life being together is cute to her.

On the other end of the “idgaf about romance” side of the party, Odile says that she hasn’t felt romantic love in many years. That she doesn’t care to. It’s not a priority for her. In a world where romance is seen as the end goal, something to strive for, she just…couldn’t care less. At the same time, the romantic desires she has felt in the past are also non-normative! She didn’t merely crush on a rival, or whatever most “enemies to lovers” media depicts, but she desired someone she hated!

Siffrin, the other ace of the party, differentiates themselves from Mira every time the concept of sex or romance comes up. In the writing room, they initially see the "people doing fun stuff" drawings and looks at them with curiosity. In later acts, his curiosity turns into a sick feeling, and another important factor to point out is that Siffrin has always seen his desires as “gross” and “shameful”, and the longer he stays in the loops, the more disgusted he is with himself. When talking to Mira about the topic, he thinks to himself about how sometimes he wishes he didn’t feel romantic love. When relating to Mira’s lack of sexual desire, he expresses that he finds sex “weird”, which contrasts against Mirabelle’s much more harsh statement of sex being gross and awful. Clearly he’s not repulsed, at the least, but shares Mira’s lack of inherent attraction to others in that way. Still, there’s a curiosity there. It seems that he wonders what makes it something that others like so much.

[phanb]

Can we… can we talk about how underrated Kakashi's relationship with Gai is by everyone?

I start my essay by stating that I have been visiting many pages about Kakashi (biography, psychological analysis, etc.) and many of them have disappointed me by barely mentioning the relationship these two have. Kakashi, at first, didn't like Gai much for his boisterous way of being, but over time they hit it off, enough that Gai, a fairly confident person who rarely expresses any negative sentiment, confesses to Kakashi the shame he has that his father is still a genin. One would expect, with Obito not yet dead, that Kakashi would mock or belittle Gai, but instead, he, the prodigy of his generation and a cold genius, tells Gai that his father is "the coolest shinobi out there." This is incredible knowing that he was a little shit with everyone.

Changing the subject by mentioning Obito, can I also add a perspective that many people often confuse? Both boys considered themselves to be Kakashi's rivals, but for different reasons; Obito was constantly jealous and envious of his teammate's successes and even the attention he received from his crush (Rin), while Gai never felt anything like it towards Kakashi, rather seeing the boy as a personal ideal of a perfect shinobi that he wanted to achieve and surpass, without any animosity in between. Gai constantly cheered Kakashi up and always seemed happy to see him, while Obito, even though he cared for him (Kakashi), he always felt less than him, which made him very angry with his teammate.

Making a timeskip after his and Rin's death, a rather significant scene of what Gai represents for Kakashi is when he is sent on a mission by Minato to protect him in case something happens to him. Minato is absolutely right since Kakashi, in the middle of the mission, has a panic attack that causes an enemy to almost kill him, being saved by Gai who soon comforts him. What can be taken for granted is that Gai somehow managed to calm him down, surprisingly.

When Minato and Kushina die, Kakashi is left alone and unappreciated in a rush to fibally die. At this point we know that they both have a good and strong relationship apart from fighting each other, so it's no surprise when the only one who still believes there's good in Kakashi is Gai, who tries his best to help him, to the point of begging the Hokage to let him into Ambu so he could help and protect Kakashi.

In an intense mission in which Gai watches as Kakashi kills with unwavering coldness, he knows that the best option to get Kakashi out of the black hole he's stuck in is to get him out of Ambu. He is so worried about Kakashi that he constantly makes demands to get him out, to the point where the Hokage, knowing that Kakashi is an invaluable asset in Ambu and an extraordinary ninja, grants his request.

How are there people who believe that these two are just "friends"? And I'm not talking in romantic terms (not now). I'm talking about them believing they don't have "a strong connection" or that Gai is just an "old friend or close acquaintance". It's almost insulting.

Many believe that Gai is the only one who participates in the challenges and that Kakashi doesn't like them, but we know that they did more than a hundred challenges in the course of their lives. If Kakashi found them ridiculous or wanted Gai to leave him alone, he could. He was stronger than Gai, he could even disappear or manipulate him into leaving, but he accepted those challenges, he even keeps score! He likes them, he enjoys doing challenges; he is as into it as Gai.

They both have fun together no matter what. The two talks, understand each other and know each other well. They are not just "rivals" or "just friends"; Gai is a very important part of Kakashi's life, he is the one who kept him away from death (by suicide or being murdered), he is the one with whom Kakashi feels safe enough to faint from exhaustion in the face of danger (the attack of Itachi) or to guide him when he is blind. Despite his attitude towards his friend, Kakashi knows that Gai is precious to him; many times he has protected him, encouraged him or cared for him, and not just because he is a ninja comrade.

End of my essay. Talk to me if you want to continue discussing or talking about why Kakagai is so fascinating and amazing.

[honestlyvan]

id be really interested to see you talk about the dynamic btwn Haseo and Ovan + how it changes over time, love ur dothack thoughts so far

(Now on DW!)

I had to take a vigorous walk around the block and a shower before I could sit down to write this, lmao.

God, nonny, they are So Much. An unbelievable amount, even.

To step back from the mythical framing for a little bit and to just look at them as people, one of the things that makes me bark like a dog the worst is how all of the Epitaph are all circling and struggling with the similar kinds of of identity issues -- presumably being the reason the Epitaphs attached themselves to them, there's no room in the mind of people who are too secure in who they are to carry the duties of a Phase with them.

Each of the Epitaphs represent the temptation to fall into a variety of self-protective but futile failure modes that let you define yourself on your own terms but ultimately limit growth, and while I have thoughts about all of the Epitaph users and how they interact with each other, I definitely think Haseo and Ovan get the version of it that is the most brutal in its compatibility.

For Haseo, Skeith represents a temptation to do as thou wilst, to eschew a communal and social identity in favour of only exclusively defining himself -- which is, incidentally, how Ovan comes across initially. You could not find a guy who moves through the world with more assurance and less need to explain himself. Ovan appears to have a kind of singularity of identity that nobody else can get a word in edgewise -- and Haseo, who spends a lot of time feeling off and unsure and wordlessly anxious about having lost sight of who he is, that's like the holy grail.

Of course, the reason Ovan is so singular in his identity is because his sense of self is practically transparent and he exists almost exclusively as the life-support system for a machine that makes Aina happy. From the start, there's no way for Ovan to recognise Haseo the way he wants to be recognised because Ovan barely knows who he is, let alone what Haseo sees in him that is so admirable because Ovan is just reflecting back the thing Haseo wants to see in himself.

Because in contrast to the fundamental mistake in Haseo's thinking, Ovan is very clear-eyed about what Haseo is like. That's one of the core paradoxes of his character, he's very good at reading other people and completely oblivious to how they read him back. He's great at anticipating and manipulating people's behaviour, but is critically disconnected about how he should feel about the way other people feel about him. Haseo needs to see him as something to chase and grow into? Okay, if that's what he needs to be, it's as simple as that. The terms of their relationship are set forever now.

So, in a way, as much as Ovan's plan relies on Haseo growing as a person, as much as he frames it in those terms, what he actually needs is for Haseo to stay exactly the same. Stay exactly on the terms that Ovan needs him to stay on for his plan to succeed. Ovan can never let Haseo reach him because that would change the terms of their relationship, and make him truly unmanageable.

Which, really, is just how Ovan deals with everything in his life. He keeps it all at a distance, because he doesn't really have a sense of self to let people close to, except in the sense that he knows everything that has happened to cause this situation has been done by him, and that the only way to set it right is to find a way to cross himself out again. And if he has to let Haseo catch up to him, it's explicitly so Haseo can be his executioner, and help him rectify the mistake of existing in the world in the first place. Corbenik, the meaning of life and death, can only exist in the void.

And tbh, if Ovan's plans had actually worked out on the timetable he intended them to work out on, I think Haseo may have been fulfilled by that. From the start, he sees himself as the aspirant to Ovan's paragon, wants to reach him through his own effort, to exist in the world the same way he thinks Ovan does.

However, the rest of Haseo's arc is learning that none of us exist in the world alone. That we are defined by the experiences we have with other people. If he reaches Ovan and Ovan is no longer there, what does it still matter to have reached him?

[arromantica-lucha]

i got a lot of thoughts about loveless by alice oseman and if this post seems very one sided well thats just how it read to me. my opinion isnt the end-all and i value how everyone interpreted and was affected by this book. this isnt a closed topic lets talk about it

gripes with loveless by alice oseman

took a while to actually explain that ace and aro are two separate identities and still not that well. it makes aro seem like a subset of ace which is entirely false. its cool there was an aroallo character involved but still

the book title 'loveless' is a real term and identity and the entirety of the book kinda shits on it by enforcing the ideal that its still okay to be aspec cause platonic love can be experienced and any type of love is required or at least better than "not feeling anything and being alone forever"

it was weird for her friends to forgive her over gestures that had nothing to do with apologizing before georgia actually apologized and explained but that may just be more of a personal thing that i didnt like. likewise the story being about platonic love it kinda sucks her deepest connection is with her roommate and not the people shes known for years and wronged

kinda sex negative. i mean rooney says she doesnt dislike casual sex but then that whole thing becomes the reason she hates herself and a reason to cope with being "unloveable" and its kinda lame. you can tell that story without making it seem like casual sex is just a means of devaluing yourself. and you can be sex repulsed and still not do that. it just feels unfair to aroallo people especially who are told they are monsters for enjoying and only wanting casual sex when this book is supposed to be about aromanticism too

(can we also be done with harry potter references??? lets stop hurting trans and jewish people thanks)

basically particular identities' stories shouldnt come at the expense of others and other ways of life. its great and important to write different experiences because no one is gonna relate to them all but no one has to replace romantic love with ANY type of love to feel good about themselves and be human. loveless and aplatonic people shouldnt have to read something that uses rhetoric against their identities within a book about aspec people

things i like about loveless

i didnt relate to it personally but the experiences felt very genuine. internalized aphobia, being hounded by aphobic comments, finding it hard to portray love even in a fictional or artistic sense, etc.

I appreciate the references to race and intersectionality that come with being queer even if they were minimal. so few times is it actually acknowledged that there is privilege when it comes to being understood, coming out, being accepted, etc. the references to that were nice to see because too often intersectionality being brought up is brushed off and blatantly ignored or people pretend like they understand

it was written by someone who is aroace even if there are some things that can be less isolating within the aspec community with the language being used. someone being open about their identities and how they choose to define them in the mainstream world is how we get more peoples voices in there

it has helped people discover their own identity though id still recommend further research on the actual identities being named and ones not named. these stories are the first introduction of aspec identities in mainstream and that hopefully means itll start to expand to other identities within that community that have not yet had representation

this should be the start of developing more rep. the first takes are not gonna represent everyone and its a good thing it exists to tell a few peoples story. but that doesnt mean it should be free from any criticism because thats how we make them continuously better. i hope to see an aroallo character soon. i want the term loveless to be properly used in media and expressed for what it is. i want to stop pretending like ace is the umbrella term for all aspec identities. i want amatonormativity explained as the sociological term it is that harms all life not just aromantic and polyamorous people. i want a polyam aspec character and polyam characters in general. i want disabled and ethnic aspec characters where the intersectionality is just as important to the narrative. i want a whole lot more and to stop prentending like any of that should be unreasonable

[karinamay]

OC deepdive: Tav'ará Naldarai

Thanks for the tag @cinnamontails-ff <3

What common/uncommon fear do they have?

She's very scared to let people in, to trust them, which is just because of how she was raised. She's scared of being unimportant, of not making an impact in the world. She's also very scared of snails, but we're not going to talk about that.

Do they have any pet peeves?

When people ask you a question solely so they can talk about themselves. Also she loves physical intimacy but she hates when she can feel someone's breath in her face and she feels like she's breathing in their out-breath.

What are 3 items you can find in their bedroom?

Her bedroom is extremely tiny, basically just a mattress shoved into the attic space right under the roof. There's no shelves, or anything, but she does have fairylights, and a lot of pictures up, of her and her friends mainly (two of them are very important, one of herself, Alfira and Dammon when they graduated high school, and where Shadowheart is giving her a piggyback ride and Karlach took a picture mere seconds before Shadowheart misstepped and the two of them fell into Grey Harbour.)

What do they notice first in a person?

How they present themselves. (Their vibe if you will.) Not in an "are they attractive" way, but how they want to be perceived. Do they take care of themselves or is their appearance unimportant to them, do they like being the centre of attention or prefer being left alone.

On a scale from 1-10, how high is their pain tolerance?

Probably an 7. She absolutely hates pain, which is why I won't put it up to an 8 or a 9 even, even though she's very accustomed to dealing with pain and can technically deal with a lot. It just pisses her off too much to deal with it in a more composed manner.

Do they go into fight or flight mode when under pressure?

Fight 95% of the time. She's act first, ask questions later. There is however a 5% chance that she'll freeze, in very specific circumstances.

Do they come from a big family/are they a family person?

Tav has a pretty terrible relationship with her parents, which is fair. Jorgeon is just an absent father, and Eildys is extremely strict and holds Tav to an impossible standard, all while just not being very nice. That said, Tav does have a certain level of respect for her mother. She's not a family gal, she prefers her found family.

What animal represents them best?

My first thought it maybe a fox? I'm not sure that's just the vibe.

What is a smell they dislike?

Honeysuckle.

Have they broken any bones?

Yes, she broke her left arm once when she went on vacation to Elturel with Alfira and Dammon. No one is exactly sure what happened, but the doctor that took the x-rays at 3am was hot, though.

How would a stranger likely describe them?

"Loud" may have been a word used a lot to describe Tav, although that's gotten less bad over the past few years.

Are they a night owl, or morning bird?

She leans to being a night owl, but she also just doesn't need a lot of sleep. She likes being awake at night to see what happens in the dark, though.

What’s a flavor they hate and a flavor they love?

She kind of hates the taste of honey in any form - mead, honey cakes etc. She likes powerful flavours, salts, bitters, sours. She likes seafood, pickles, black licorice, campari, the weird kinds of gin & tonics etc.

Do they have any hobbies?

She really likes dancing when she has time to go, whether that's a class or just out at a club.

Boom, surprise birthday party! How do they react to surprise?

She would try very hard to pretend she didn't already know it was happening.

Do they like to wear jewellery?

Not particularly, she doesn't like rings or bracelets to get in the way of her movements. She used to have a lot of piercings but that was mainly to piss of Eildys and now she just has her ears pierced. She is currently wearing a tiny locket with a snowdrop on it. It's new.

Do they have neat or messy handwriting?

Messy, but definitely legible.

What are the two emotions they feel the most?

Determination and joy (shocking, but true)

Do they have a favourite fabric?

She loves knitwear, so chunky woolen sweaters, she's very partial to jeans, but not new jeans when they're still stiff, old jeans when they're soft.

What kind of accent do they have?

Tav has done her very best to take the posh out of her accent, and she's now stuck with what we'd recognise kind of as estuary english, but she does have a certain way of speaking that's still kind of melodic, due to having spent the first years of her life in Astrazalian, and solely speaking Elvish.

[homunculusalphonse]

You know, I've compared Connie to Sadie (and Sapphire) before, but I just now realized how similar she also is to Lars.

[IDs: From left to right, Connie and Lars crying, talking about their loneliness. /End IDs]

Connie and Lars start out as lonely characters. Neither of them have friends besides Steven and Sadie respectively. Connie, however, is a lot more introverted, while Lars does his best to socialize with the Cool Kids, yet pretending to be someone he isn't. Even then, both of them really care about outside opinions, hence why Connie, for instance, doesn't like dancing in front of other people, and Lars for most of the show hides his baking - which is not because of skill, but because of what it represents to him.

And then you have their roles in Steven's life. Connie thinks Steven's "magical destiny" is amazing, while Lars doesn't think much of it. But regardless of their feelings, they become more and more involved with it, to the point of their lives being at risk multiple times. Connie is more prepared to fight back while Lars spends most of the time running away from conflict. Though what I think solidifies their similarities is their big moments alongside Steven on Homeworld.

Besides being stuck in a prison to starve (even if she's very familiar with being grounded, obviously that is still messed up), Connie has to fight the mindless bodies of the Crystal Gems, and she's forced to watch White Diamond remove Steven's gem out of his body without being able to do anything. Connie is the only one who can help Steven reach out to his gem self. And as far as we're concerned, Connie is also the only one who knows about all this, since the gems don't have any memories of it, and Bismuth, Peridot and Lapis only arrive when everything is already solved. It's likely that Steven never told them, and I don't think Connie has, either. Unfortunately, on screen, we never see how much her experiences affected her. Connie is even younger than Steven and she also went through a lot. Not to mention she's basically the only one who stands up for Steven in Future, being the voice of reason while the gems could only pity themselves.

Similarly, Lars is also helpless during The Trial, unable to even hear anything given his head was inside a bubble. Lars had even less context of Homeworld here, while Connie had more experience. Still, like her, he also had to throw himself in danger to protect Steven and the Off Colors, who were all going to be killed for merely existing. While yes, that's a big character development for Lars, and I'm proud of him for sticking up for people he barely knew, it's also tragic that a human teenager with no powers and fighting skills ended up saving everyone, at the cost of his own life. He also becomes the mature voice of reason for standing up for Steven and letting him go back home without him for Steven's safety. Hell, Lars was willing to end up alone in the Kindergarten so everyone else could go to Earth.

Lars says, "You brought me back to life! Just let me be somebody who deserved it". I can't help but remember Connie internalizing she should prioritize Steven's life over hers in Sworn to the Sword. At the very least, she's eventually taught to fight alongside him instead of sacrificing herself for him. Interestingly, like Lars becomes the captain of the Off Colors, Connie briefly becomes the leader in The New Crystal Gems. She's not patient like Steven is, but she shows herself to be organized and calculating, and she's not afraid to put the gems in their place, as we see later in Future.

If anything, I feel like Lars would get along well with Connie. Although they're insecure, they're not afraid to call something or someone out when they have to (Connie snaps at Steven for minimizing the danger they were in way back in Bubble Buddies, for that matter!). They also realize how unfair the gems (and Homeworld in general) are towards Steven - Lars gets to see Steven's most vulnerable side when they were kidnapped, realizing how afraid he really is underneath, so he insists that Steven needs to be safe first and foremost. Connie rightfully calls the gems out in The New Crystal Gems, and later on in I Am My Monster, because no one has ever actually sticked up for Steven all these years. No one has dedicated themselves for him the same way he does for everyone.

Basically, Lars would be a great ally to Connie, especially when it comes to Steven. Again, I always felt it was unfair that a young girl was the only one who snapped the gems out of their pity party. I know she already had Greg as a human ally in the middle of the gem stuff, but she could definitely get some use of Lars' no-nonsense attitude, too. She could confide in him with her fears and trauma, knowing she's not entirely alone.

In short: Connie and Lars are Steven's best friends. You can't convince me otherwise. /half-joking

[mangomybeloved]

my favorite small artists:

the aces: if you want alternative pop but it's GAY AS FUCK from the lyrics to the music videos, the aces are for you!!

"The Aces, an alternative pop band hailing from Provo, Utah, have known and loved one another for as long as most of them can remember. Henderson and Petty are childhood best friends of the Ramirez sisters, and three of the girls share the experience of growing up and coming out as gay after a Mormon upbringing. (Petty, who is straight, is a devoted ally.)"

"To the people that really need us, I think we're an absolute beacon of light," Cristal says. They've had many fans, especially young queer women, come up to them and say that "what you're doing for women in Utah, women in Salt Lake City – the kind of hope that you give us is just replaceable," she says.

"There's so many queer people who are stuck" in places where they can't always be themselves, Cristal says. "How can we give up on those people? I think we have to keep fighting to create safe spaces everywhere we possibly can." x

some of my favorite songs from them: girls make me wanna die/attention/i've loved you for so long

:::

Kississippi: if you're a fan of chappell roan's aesthetics and looking for a new pop singer to love, may i recommend kississippi!!!

"Before putting it out, aware of the sonal leap, she wondered, Are people gonna be down with this? “And then I was like, well, how could they not be down with this if this is the best thing I’ve ever done?” That level of confidence can only stem from the gut feeling that Reynolds is finally making music cut from cloth that is wholly her own—a prismatic assortment of electric shades and sparkles." x

some of my favorite songs from her: we're so in tune/around your room/cut yr teeth

:::

UCHE YARA: An artist based in Berlin, I adore her music cause it's such a mix of pop and soul and jazz/various music genres and it's so invigorating to do exercise to!! 10/10 would recommend!

“My dream is to have that moment where people scream my lyrics back at me. Where we just sing together and people feel understood. I want to share that experience with the whole room.

“I’m a fan girl too, so I know how beautiful it feels to stand in the audience and feel so connected to the artist on stage. I want to give that to people and show them: ‘I see you. Let’s do this together.’” x

some of my favorite songs from her: www she hot/sophie/panama

:::

future teens: a rock/bummer pop band from boston consisting of 4 friends i found through my spotify weekly and they're just so good, they're like the music that plays in a montage of a movie and it's just 10/10!!!

"While FUTURE TEENS may make you feel less alone, in most cases they will not physically be present during your listening. FUTURE TEENS formed in 2014 with little aspiration outside of playing a Fourth of July BBQ. In the subsequent years the band wrote and released more songs, steadily growing more serious about their goals. In 2017, they released HARD FEELINGS with TAKE THIS TO HEART RECORDS. Use of FUTURE TEENS may lead to random and frequent crying punctuated with strangely joyful laughter.  FUTURE TEENS is not liable for any emotional distress caused by listening." x

some of my favorite songs from them: in love or whatever/frequent crier/BYOB

:::

weston estate: an indie music band who are everything to me cause 4 of the 5 members are desi boys <333 and i always have to rep for my fellow brown kids!! PLUS THEIR MUSIC IS SO GOODDD

"It always makes us really happy to hear other people of color come up to us and say that they feel represented by us and that they’re proud of how far we’ve come as a band of color. It makes us feel like what we’re doing is actually having an impact on people and making them feel heard and understood in ways that they usually don’t see in traditional media. That’s always an amazing feeling and it has a profound impact on all of us every single time we hear it. At the same time, the last thing we want to do is be boxed in as the “brown boy band,” since, at the end of the day, our music and personalities should speak for themselves. By the time we’re done, there should be so many other bands of color succeeding in this industry that it becomes normal and doesn’t even need to be mentioned." x

my favorite songs from them: pears/stoked/slowly

enough about taylor swift already. reblog and tag the smallest, least known artist you listen to

[odysseykallistethiras]

MARK Santorini and its (lack of) Street Art

As discussed in my previous blog post about the symbols of Santorini, its architecture is known to be devoid of colour, let alone graffiti or street art. In this post I will be discussing the implications of a city that is missing graffiti, rather than the art itself.

In her essay ‘The critical impulse in street art’, Jaqueline Millner postulates that street art is born from a sense of resistance, from discontent with urban powers and is a form of abstract criticism against those in authority. Does Santorini’s lack of graffiti mean that all citizens who reside in this unmarked city have zero qualms about the government that preside over them? This is unlikely- Athens, also situated firmly in Greece, is prolific with street art. It’s supposed ‘defacement’ of the city is so copious that tourists have found themselves repeatedly shocked by the sheer amount of it all over the city, as if there is not a surface left un-spraypainted. Athens’s street art ranges from petty vandalism; youth marking territories with spray cans and markers, to cultivated vast murals that represent and communicate through art.

Of course, the lack of street art in Santorini does not make it any less of a city or its residents any more placid and uncritical than any other place in the world. The most common interpretation of why Santorini has almost no graffiti is for the benefit of the tourists. When visiting the ‘white city’, do you really want to see it doodled on? It would be akin to the feeling of a toddler with a sharpie scribbling on your lovely white wall. But why should societal rebellion be repressed for the benefit of those who do not live in that society? Unfortunately, the subject of this blog post leaves us with more questions than answers.

Coleman, D. (2024, April 25). Athens is Paradise for Grafitti Artists. David Coleman Photography. https://davidcolemanphoto.com/athens-greece-grafitti/

Mavsc79. (2014). Graffiti ruins Athen’s charm (old topic I’m aware) [Online forum commnent]. TripAdvisor. https://www.tripadvisor.com.au/ShowTopic-g189400-i194-k7548727-Graffiti_ruins_Athen_s_charm_old_topic_I_m_aware-Athens_Attica.html

Millner, J. (2017, August 10). Visual poetics: The critical impulse in street art.

[wolint]

FRESH MANNA

ABUSE IS UNACCEPTABLE 1

Psalm 10:17-18

Abuse is the oppression or domination of an individual by another or within a group or religious organization. Simply put, abuse is the improper use of something: power, knowledge, information or thing.

Unfortunately, the abused person follows the abuser without dissent or question. Any abuse committed intentionally or otherwise negatively impacts a person’s life, emotions, and spirituality, effectively diminishing or breaking their spirit, confidence and self-esteem.

Abuse is unacceptable!

There are so many abused people in society, even within the body of Christ: some people are not even aware that they are being abused, some have accepted abuse as their lot in life, and others are too ashamed to talk about it.

There are all kinds of abuse: the most obvious one that everyone knows and talks about is physical abuse but there’s emotional, mental, verbal, sexual, financial, physical, and even spiritual abuse.

Spouses abuse each other even though Colossians 3:19 say no to this. Colossians 3:21 says fathers (parents) should not abuse their children.

Ezekiel 34:1-4 talks about church folks abusing each other and church leaders abusing members. Those who represent the Lord should not place heavy burdens on the people of God that Christ died for as seen in Matthew 11:30, while some family members abuse each other. If the very one who's meant to look out for you and protect you is abusing you, to whom then do you turn?

Whatever form abuse takes, it is not deserving and is unacceptable, Jesus died to save and deliver us and no man has the right to bind us in ways that hurt because it reduces the sacrifice of our Saviour according to Luke 4:18-19.

Christ died to free us says John 8:36, let him help you come out of abuse, leave abusers, toxicity, aimlessness, and pain behind, and move forward into peace, wholeness, and blessing and begin to enjoy, experience the honour, and respect you deserve as a child of God.

No one has the right to make another less of who they are. We all have the responsibility of looking out for each other, supporting those too weak to support themselves according to 1 Thessalonians 5:14 and helping them cultivate the boundaries and standards that they may not have set for themselves to feel worthy of who they are.

If you're in an abusive relationship, seek help! Psalm 118:7 says God is on your side, seek healthy, covenant friendships, which will encourage and support you in aligning with God's Word for you.

1 Peter 2:9-10 tells us of God's vision for our lives, how He sees us; wealthy, healthy, safe, cherished, adored, courageous and alive; which we may not be if we don't get out of the thumb of the abuser.

We’re not responsible for other’s behaviour and actions, everyone is accountable to God and to themselves, and therefore have no right to take out our shortcomings, inadequacies, and anger on others, see Luke 6:31.

The man who covers selfish and vicious devices under a veneer of professionalism, religion or friendship, will be condemned, says Proverbs 12:2.

Domestic abuse is cyclical; even when intentional intervention occurs, abused people often find the fear of isolation, financial struggle, single parenting, and other factors too difficult to manage alone, so, they remain or return to the abuser. Galatians 5:1 says not to submit to the slavery we’ve been liberated from, so, exercise your freedom in Christ.

PRAYER: Oh Lord, set me free from whatever is abusing me and help me not abuse others in any form in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Shalom

Women of light international; prayer ministries.

[firsttarotreader]

Did Pedro ever experienced inappropriate sexual behavior from producers or co stars?

*Sensitive topic will be addressed*

Hello! If you are uncomfortable with this topic, I would advise you to skip this reading.

The first thing I asked is if he could have possibly experienced some type of inappropriate sexual behavior in the industry. The Major Arcana were Temperance, The Tower and The Devil. Well, Temperance could be pointing to him being very cautious and levelheaded about it, knowing that it was a possibility but taking care of himself and managing things as harmoniously as he could. However, with The Tower followed by The Devil, we could be seeing here that there was a potential event that changed things, a moment of destruction that shook his foundations, and it's one linked to The Devil, representing an unhealthy behavior and a possible episode of harrassment.

The Minor Arcana were Ace of Wands, 6 of Wands and 9 of Pentacles reversed. Ace of Wands with Temperance might be showing us how optimistic he could have been at first, like he thought he would be fine, and he was excited for the new job, new career, new situation, whatever it was. After the calamity of The Tower, the card was the 6 of Wands, which means it was a difficult and painful change, but there was growth and learning from it and it could have changed some of his views on the industry or the people involved. 9 of Pentacles reversed after The Devil might suggest that this possible event could have also had an impact on his self-worth and his self-steem and it could have made him feel really insecure and not good enough.

So, from these cards, I would say it's very possible he has experienced inappropriate sexual behavior in the industry at least once, but of course I am not saying it's for sure, but more like the cards indicate this possibility very strongly.

Then I asked how he could have handled it. Using my Alice in Wonderland deck, I first pulled the 3 of Teacups, Temperance and 3 of Hedgehogs. 3 of Teacups followed by Temperance could be pointing to him trying to stay balanced and moderated about it, but going through a healing period with the love from his friends and through his art (acting). The 3 of Hedgehogs is once again about partnerships, including at work, and he might have started to count on the people he could trust in the business to help him protect himself (and to help them protect themselves), because not being alone and getting support and guidance from others was key to him.

The last cards were 7 of Spears, 8 of Flowers and Ace of Teacups. So, 7 of Spears might be about him trusting people less when it comes to inappropriate sexual behavior. As in, it could come from anyone, anytime, and he started to be on guard to avoid being tricked into a situation that could lead to it. 8 of Flowers shows the idea that things might change radically and really fast, and he needs to be ready for that. With the Ace of Teacups, we could be talking about how he can't let himself be emotional about people, rush to trust them, rush to feel comfortable or too open around them (which he might tend to do and it could be a problem) because that also leaves him vulnerable and increases the risk of someone being inappropriate.

So I would say he could have handled it with the love and support from his friends and business partners he could trust and trying to avoid the situation to happen again.

[astrolovecosmos]

Vertex: What We Can’t Control

Vertex is a point located in the right-hand side of a chart that represents the intersection of the ecliptic and the prime vertical. In astrology, it is considered an auxiliary or extra Descendant. Some astrologers refer to the Vertex as the “third angle” of a chart.  It is associated with wish fulfillment, awakenings or realizations, the idea of destiny or fate, and some use it for moments that are life changing such as meeting your spouse, a death of a loved one, birth of a child, etc. My focus isn’t on predictive astrology and because of this I don’t use Vertex often in my own readings. Vertex can be popular in synastry but I also don’t typically incorporate it into those charts. I analyze it from the perspective of how we approach what we can’t control, realizations, and our view or approach to wishes and “fate”. 

Vertex in Aries: There is a pull or call to be a leader in some fashion. This person may also feel like they are constantly fighting against “fate” or has a focus on making their own destiny. This person can feel like they are always falling into situations where they are forced to lead, fight, or assert. Defining the self may be important to feeling fulfilled. Self-expression and honoring the importance of the individual can help them feel more stable in a chaotic world. 

Vertex in Taurus: Anyone familiar with that scene from Frozen 2 where Olaf goes “we’re calling this controlling what you can when things feel out of control”? That is the first thing I thought of for Vertex in Taurus. The fear and frustration surrounding what they cannot control can be real. In terms of fate many describe this position as being about finding inner security and being more independent. For many Taurus placements there is the reoccurring theme of learning to overcome fear of the unknown, let go of control, to find flexibility, but most importantly to cultivate inner stability. With Vertex this individual may find themselves falling down a rabbit hole of unpredictable fate, but none of that should matter as long as they understand the power they hold in their own actions and decisions. 

Vertex in Gemini: Here we see someone who tries to get a handle on the unknown or their own destiny via learning as much as they can about the world, themselves, the occult, science, etc. Communication is also important to them in easing anxieties or feeding curiosity. They love to theorize or talk hypotheticals. Here we almost see a reflection of their polar opposite Sagittarius - there is a desire to find meaning in the world. Communicating their needs, fears, and wants can be helpful with feeling fulfilled or like they are on the right path. 

Vertex in Cancer: All of the water signs have a powerful relationship with the idea of fate and Vertex. Here we see themes of strong intuition, attachment, or maybe even psychic abilities. There is a close tie to their fate, whether they are making their own destiny, getting hunches about what path to take, or have world swallowing doubt and fears. Their relationship to the unknown, the instability of life, and to ideas of destiny are deep and felt strongly. With Cancer there is a focus on protecting and nurturing the self and others. They need to be careful of focusing too much on taking care of others or taking on their feelings. Reexamining family, making a new family, or dealing with family cycles or trauma may be in the cards for them. Attending to the inner child or wounded self is important in making themselves sane in such a crazy world. 

Vertex in Leo: Individuality, creativity, self-expression, and empowerment are themes surrounding this Vertex. To become the best version of yourself could summarize this placement when talking about destiny. To adapt or cope with a world that is outside of their control they must create their own world or path. To stand out and/or lead the way is what will help them feel most fulfilled in life. Authenticity is a buzzword now-a-days but that trait or way of being is a necessity for Vertex in Leo as they plummet through the universe. Feelings of grandeur, uniqueness, power, or nobility may go through them sometimes. While they need to be careful of not letting this go to their head or tripping them up - these feelings of power are important in shaping their own future and self. 

Vertex in Virgo: Much like Taurus there is a fear of the unknown or not being in control. To find inner stability could be a struggle. The focus for Vertex in Virgo is to find a way to feel purposeful, needed, or useful. This gives them a sense of direction and stability. This Vertex prefers routine, predictability, and structure. They may be overly practical in terms of fate - believing there are no other influences that determine their life other than them. Similar to Vertex in fire they can have a “I make my own destiny” attitude. Vertex in Virgo may have a pull to work on their intuition. The Vertex sits on an axis like all other points in a chart. The opposite sign is the Anti-Vertex which some astrologers believe to be how we shape our fate or what we have to offer in relationships and life. With Virgo Vertex and Pisces as the Anti-Vertex there is an opportunity to hone their intuition. On the subject of helping others or finding meaning - it is listening to their feelings and hunches that might lead them to how they can do this. 

Vertex in Libra: Trying to see their fate in other people or believing other people are their fate is associated. Learning to create their own destiny or standing on their own or standing out can be a lesson surrounding this Vertex. Finding peace by connecting with others and feeling less alone is also associated, especially in terms of dealing with what cannot be controlled or foreseen. Cooperation and adaptability are strengths needed to feel whole. 

Vertex in Scorpio: There is a lot to be said about willpower here. This person likely is a strong believer in making their own destiny. Strong premonitions and hunches can lead them into believing in a higher power or feeling in tune with the spiritual or unknown. Scorpio is pulled to master their turbulent emotions and intensity as well as conquer and understand the mysteries inside themselves. It’s about learning self-control but also when to unleash. To transform and do all of the hard work in the background so that when life throws you curveballs you are ready. They master themselves, master their life, master the universe. 

Vertex in Sagittarius: It is through faith in themselves, the universe, or that everything will turn out okay that this person gets through the unpredictability of life. There can be a desire to find meaning, especially through spirituality, religion, or a unique philosophy. Sagittarius is a sign that chases truth and by chasing it they can make sense of the world. Being in the role of teacher and student helps them feel right in the universe. They must always be searching, learning, and exploring. 

Vertex in Capricorn: In a world they can’t control this person can face a lot of challenges. They can be tempted into acting authoritative or controlling. However respect and self-authority are important for this person to feel more stable, concrete, fulfilled. To lead others with a level-head and patience is the best route for them. Even better is to focus on their own success and lead by example. This placement is prone to a highly realistic and sometimes negative view of the world and possibly the idea of destiny. This placement can bring about big rewards and depth when they listen to their heart and to loved ones and when they focus. 

Vertex in Aquarius: Aquarius is known for not fearing the unknown and embracing the unpredictable. When Vertex is in this sign there are lessons about acceptance, tolerance, cooperation, and communication. It is the craziness of people and the harm people can do that gets them wanting to become a hermit or to leave the narrative. There can be a temptation to hide away from intimacy, passion, and attachment. The Futurama “I don’t want to live on this planet anymore” meme is for them. Being boxed in by the idea of “destiny” might not appeal to them. To feel fulfilled in life is to feel connected and belonging. Embracing all different types of people and relationships can help them feel more sure of the world, of humanity. 

Vertex in Pisces: This person likely is a strong believer in fate and destiny. If you are one who believes in psychic abilities, this could be a strong indicator for some. This person should be careful of getting lost in wild dreams or a big picture that doesn’t include themselves or include others in their lives. Fate may have big plans for them but it is through their loved ones and how they can help others that they feel most fulfilled. They may feel like life is always throwing them into situations where they are forced to help or to empathize. Learning discernment and protection is important. They don’t need to help or heal everyone, in fact it is in their choice who to help that might make them feel the most sure and solid in life. 

[plus-size-reader]

Why

Cato Hadley x Plus size!reader

Word Count: 2108 words

Warnings: none

Summary:  Reader is a tribute for the Hunger Games, no one thinks she’s going to make it until Cato steps in. The one thing you don’t understand is, Why does he care? 

Updated version of “Why Does He Care” an old fan favorite. 

—————————————————————————————————

They knew you wouldn’t win. 

It hadn’t even registered as a possibility in most of their minds, but that didn’t matter all that much. 

All the game makers cared about was that you made a show of it, and if you could, got stabbed in view of one of the thousands of cameras surrounding the arena.

That was all you had to do. 

You weren’t the strongest, the fastest, or the smartest that your district had to offer and everyone seemed to have already come to terms with the fact that you would be leaving the arena in a body bag.

They just didn’t see how a woman of your status and stature could ever hope to compete with others in the games. Against the Careers, a group of highly trained young people whose lives revolved around being able to win, you would surely meet your end. 

However, you weren’t going to just accept defeat right off the bat. 

Even if you didn’t win, you were going to put up one hell of a fight once that canon went off. You owed that to your family, and your district, and yourself. 

No one in their right mind wanted to participate in the Hunger Games,and you certainly didn’t want to either, but you had been chosen to represent your district and you weren’t going to shy away from the responsibility. 

At the very least, you had to try. 

If nothing else, the fact that no one believed in you could serve as an extra push, the push you would need to take down as many other tributes as possible in the process. 

You knew that you could do that. 

Though, that fire did sort of dull as soon as you walked into the large training room, surrounded by all the other tributes from all the other districts. Once you got a look at them up close, you were less sure of yourself than you had ever been. 

How quickly it had all changed.

From the moment you walked into that room, which was more of a cell of brushed aluminum and cool steel, you were forced to recon with the reality of the situation. 

This was happening. 

You were going to die. 

The way in which you would die wasn’t something you were all that fond of considering, but as best you could tell, the Career pack would be to blame. 

Stories of what they were capable of, training tirelessly to volunteer for their games and slaughter the competition were widespread all over Panem but you couldn’t have imagined how intimidating they were in real life. 

Each one of them was a skilled, and accurate, death machine and you had no chance of surviving an altercation with even the weakest among them, who you had ultimately decided was Glimmer. 

She was talented and smart but lacked the determination that the others had. 

Even in her case though, you could see what they always said about the Careers. They were raised to believe there was no other point to their lives other than to win the Hunger Games. 

If they didn’t win, they weren’t worth anything, not that it would matter. If they didn’t win, they would end up just the same as all the rest of you, in a shallow grave somewhere. 

That was just how it was. 

You did your best to keep to yourself at first, not wanting to elicit any more violence than absolutely necessary right off the bad. It was no secret to you that the other tributes didn’t take you seriously. 

The last thing you wanted was for them to try and prove themselves at your expense before you were out in that arena. 

Unfortunately, the other tributes, namely the Careers, had already made up their minds. In the few days that you had been training, they had been making fun of you the entire time.

For them, it was one big joke.

When they looked at you, it was clear that all they saw was the first person they were going to stick their swords into. They didn’t take you seriously at all and at this point, you weren’t even sure if you blamed them. 

Each time you threw a punch or swung your axe at a target, they hooted and hollered from their place on the sidelines and called you out for each imperfection they saw in your maneuvers, and they weren’t wrong. 

You had no idea what you were doing. 

This was all new for you, because where you were from, hand to hand combat just wasn’t something you would have ever come across. Before now, you hadn’t even seen most of the things in front of you here. 

You were out of your element.

By the end of the first week, you hadn’t even begun to make any progress. However, there was one thing that had changed and you couldn’t even pinpoint when or why it had happened. 

At some point, Cato had stopped criticizing you in the same way his compatriots were.

You weren’t sure why he would even bother, but seeing as you didn’t really talk to him, you couldn’t ask. It was much easier to just be silently grateful for the break, and try to focus on what you were doing. 

While it wasn’t looking good to start, you didn’t want to sabotage your chances of survival with any more wasted time.  

The other Careers had noticed the change in him too, but not one of them dared to comment on it, even if it didn’t make any sense to them. The anger that they would risk in doing so just wouldn’t be worth getting answers. 

Instead, they let him do whatever it was he was doing, waving it off as some kind of tactical maneuver. He knew what he was doing, and it wasn’t their place to ask too many questions and get him off his game. 

When Cato first headed in your direction, closing the vast distance between you on the training floor, you assumed that he was intent on proving to you just how out of place you were here. 

...But that couldn't have been farther from the truth. 

In truth, what Cato was doing was far from a tactical measure. More than anything, he just couldn’t bring himself to make fun of you anymore. 

He didn’t think that your weight alone was enough to warrant the constant abuse you were suffering. 

Besides, It was clear that you were putting in a lot of work to get better, which was more than most of the other tributes were doing. You weren’t going to take this lying down, which he could respect. 

From the looks of it, your technique just needed some polishing, and you would be just as good a fighter as anyone here, with the exception of himself.

“You need to strike higher” he prompted, coming out of nowhere and nearly shocking you out of your fighting stance. You had been so focused that you didn’t even hear him approach. 

Still, it didn’t occur to you that he might have been trying to help at first. After all this time, he didn’t strike you as the friendly, just trying to help type. He was much more of the scowl and stab sort of person. 

You couldn’t be blamed for feeling that way. 

“Strike higher” he repeated, closing the space between you to wrap his arm around your frame, moving your axe in the exact way he had been telling you to do. 

There was nothing snide or rude in his tone, but you couldn’t focus on that.

All you could think about were his strong hands on your body, and the clear concern he had for whatever in the world he could have wanted from you. 

You tensed under his touch, desperately trying to decipher how you had gotten to this point or what you were supposed to do now that you were here. 

There was nothing particularly romantic about his touch, which you understood, but it was still foreign to be on the receiving end of. No one had ever held you like this, under any circumstances.

“Hit here, not here” he muttered, his voice far too close to your ear this time, forcing a breath from your lungs you weren’t aware you’d trapped there. He moved the axe, and your arm attached to it, to demonstrate what he meant. 

...And as much as you hated to admit it, he was right. 

When he moved his arms, in succession with his words, he hit the target at jugular height, instead of in the trunk where you had been aiming.

It was a much better hit than you had been landing all day, showing how much more experience he had with this than you. 

“Thanks” you muttered, glancing at him quickly, desperately hoping that he wouldn’t look at you but you wouldn’t have been so lucky.

Cato looked down just at the same moment as you turned your head to take in his profile. 

You expected him to say something about it but he offered nothing, content to just stare back down at you with a slight smirk on his face. 

“Somebody bigger than you is going to be able to push back if you aim here” he explained finally, lightly resting the palm of his right hand against your abdomen where you’d been aiming before. 

It made sense, of course. 

“If you aim at the weakest part, it doesn’t matter how much stronger an opponent is” he hummed, this time bringing that same hand up to where your throat was, not missing the way you gulped under his touch. 

“And you can’t kill anyone aiming at their ankles” he laughed, shrugging at that, as if he shouldn’t have to explain that part to you. Even someone who knew nothing about this wasn’t going to be shocked at that. 

Cato just didn’t want you to think that he was playing some sort of sick game with you. He was really trying to help, even if that wasn’t really in his nature. 

Never in his life had Cato cared about anyone, or been drawn to another person like he was with you. 

His entire life was all about winning the games, and there was nothing more than that. 

That was all he’d ever cared about. 

...But for some reason, making sure that you survived this whole thing was becoming really important to him. 

There was just something about you that he couldn’t put his finger on, but whatever it was, he didn’t have all that much time to figure it out. This whole thing was happening, whether he wanted it to or not. 

The best thing he could do for you was prepare you to survive, with or without him. 

“Oh, I couldn’t kill anyone” you hummed, doing your very best to be as nonchalant about it as you could. You were doing your best to figure out how to protect yourself out there but you had already made you mind up on that front. 

You weren’t going to kill anyone. 

It was something you had decided on before you even knew your name had been drawn the day of the reaping, but this was new information for Cato. 

New information that almost shocked him into silence. 

Cato had always known that he would need to kill someone, at some point. It was never a question in his mind, or something that even had any effect on him. It was part of his life, and to hear that someone else had never even considered it was new for him. 

If you didn’t kill anyone the entire time you were in the arena, you would die. 

You had to know that. 

Surely you knew that. 

“If you don’t, you’re going to die” he spoke, the words leaving his lips before he even had time to react. There was a finality to it, something you hadn’t seen coming, and at first, you thought it may have been a joke. 

The two of you really didn’t know each other all that well, or at all, so making jokes seemed sort of strange but it wasn’t necessarily something that upset you. 

You were just shocked at his urgency. 

This really was something that was bothering him, but there was one thing that was still bothering you. This was the first time you had ever spoken to him in your life, and as flattered as you were that he cared about what happened to you, it didn’t make any sense. 

Why did he care about someone like you? 

[pardy-dardy]

some thoughts on spamton

// SPOILERS FOR DELTARUNE CHP. 2, DUH

TLDR: Spamton scares the shit out of Kris not because he’s freaky and glitchy and plays off some classic uncanny-type tropes, but because he very closely represents how Kris feels about their own life. Watching Spamton try and fail (and go nuts in the process) to cut his strings is like watching a tragedy, starring you, where the ending realizes your very worst nightmare.

Kris doesn’t feel great about themselves or their future, and if you happened to read my last post about this beautiful thing Toby Fox has created, you’d know what I think on that matter. To give a little summary-- Kris played second-fiddle to their brother their whole life, they’ve grown up physically (they’re human in a town full of monsters) and socially estranged from their community, and thusly, they’ve turned into a bitter, isolated, awkward preteen.

That kind of living situation, even in the face of a loving mother and a generally jovial community to be around, can twist your outlook on life pretty hard. It shouldn’t be a stretch to assume that Kris would feel like they’ve never been the one in control. They’re Toriel’s Kid, and they come to school every day with their mom. They’re Asriel’s Sibling, and they go everywhere with him, the poor thing.

And I think, personally, that we’ve come to inhabit Kris at one of the apexes of that feeling. We, as the Player, quite literally are able to take hold of Kris while they’re in a Dark World (aka a World of their own creation, fueled by their own imagination + others’ influence, alongside environmental bits and bobs). As soon as Kris believes they’ve got a good thing going in the creation of the Dark Worlds, it’s choked by the realization that though they can provide the options, they’re not the ones choosing the outcome in the end while they’re in there.

Rough shit doesn’t begin to describe it. All their life, they’ve gone by feeling like they’ve gotta cling to what’s good (Asriel). That person goes off to school, Kris is left with nothing. But then, they find a way out through the Dark Fountains. Everything is cool, even if their first encounter with it is with the class bully-- and all of a sudden, they realize that it’s not really them. By letting us into the Dark Worlds, Kris has given not themselves, but US, freedom. And that fucking stings. It stings so bad that they’re willing to rip us out every time they want to do something alone, something without our guidance. It’s why we hear about them acting out, even before we’ve inhabited them. They want attention, and by proxy, control. It matters less how they get it than the fact that they’re getting it at all.

You see where I’m going with this? Spamton is literally a puppet. From day one, he realized that he was never truly in control. But he wanted that control. He wanted to be a Player, not an NPC. And thus, he had to rely on outside help to get [[ Big ]]. When the outside help left high and dry, both his mental state and his bank account sank like a stone in a lake. He starts living in the garbage, rotting away with every waking moment he spends there. Then, he just so happens to come across the motherfucking creator of the world, and he seizes his opportunity the only way he knows how. He’s going to convince Kris to help him get [[ Big ]], so that he can truly see what it’s like to Play, and not be Played. And even with all the power he could want short of US, he’s still bound by his strings. When Kris cuts them (whether out of mercy or self-defense is a great question), he falls flat on his back, entirely unable to function without his puppet master keeping him up. The only option he has left, in the end, is to tag along with Kris on their journey to get [[ Big ]]. Again, just being a piece in someone else’s game.

Think about it this way-- imagine your worst fears. Now imagine someone else living through it, in front of you, on a theatre stage. They lay it all bare for you to see, even going so far as to parallel some of your own life experiences. You want the best for this character, but in the end, even though they grow strong and powerful (at the cost of their friends and sanity), the play you’re watching turns out to be a tragedy. You see the character you relate with most trying YOUR solution to YOUR OWN issues ending up flat on his back, dead to the world without his strings.

    Spamton is Kris’ cracked mirror, their worst case-scenario personified. It’s why after the Pacifist Spamton NEO fight, Kris freaks the fuck out completely independent of our choices. They have just watched themselves fail catastrophically, only realizing in said failure that they are nothing without that which binds them.

    And you know what? I can’t help but wonder whether Kris would’ve let Spamton take us if we didn’t intervene. We’ve been a help at best, but an existential nuisance at worst for them. I don’t think it’d be a stretch to say that Kris would’ve considered just getting rid of us, hoping that without our involvement, our “strings”, they can go back to living the way they were (no matter how shitty that way was).

        God. See, Jevil wasn’t like this. That guy just got Jokerified through realizing that his world is but a figment of someone else’s imagination, a game. He realized that the only way to exist is to play, and if he’s going to play, he’s going to have a damn fun time playing it. Perhaps he mirrors some ideas Kris might have about the world itself, but I think that Jevil’s purpose is to let Kris know that things aren’t quite what they seem.

    Spamton, on the other hand. Whooooo baby, Spamton is fucking terrifying. 

If in creating the Dark World, Kris thusly created Spamton? Holy shit, that means that there’s aspects of this whole “life creation” thing that the angsty preteen still doesn’t fully grasp, and that their deepest fears are beginning to physically manifest. 

If folks like Spamton and Jevil aren’t being created by Kris (in the form that they are in), but rather being manipulated post-creation by an outside force? Holy shit, that means something even outside OUR jurisdiction is trying to fuck with the psyche of an angsty preteen. 

Pulling back a little before the end, god, I just have to praise Toby Fox again on his writing. It’s so goddam impressive how he structures his narrative leads and themes. If you were just playing thru the story normally, you’d pass by the Spamton stuff and think to yourself “oh wow that was weird haha what a funny guy”. But that fucking dog does such a good job of allowing you to peek behind the outer curtain, get a glimpse of the flesh mass underneath, then tell you where you can find more of it, that he’s one of the only storytellers to this goddamn day that I think I truly get envious of sometimes.

I thought I was out, man. It had been a month or so since my last post. I thought I had gotten it all out. But here I am again, thinking about that dirty, grimy, ad-flinging tragedy of a salesman. Writing it out in a goddamn essay like I’m back in undergrad. 

I want to shake your hand and give you a kiss and punch your teeth down your throat you fucking dog, let me pay you for the best piece of media I’ve consumed in just about ever. I am running out of room in my dresser for skeleton merchandise just please god take my money i just want the gaming experience you have to offer

[dannyphantom-rewrite]

Character reference / Redesign; Plant! Sam:

(Art by; @morning-wolf-designs

Click for higher resolution)

-Alright, first off let's break down that wardrobe update!

-The Dress: Purple Calla Lily. Picked for color and shape as well as the fact that they represent passion, and are notoriously toxic.

-The Cape: Kudzu vine. This plant is invasive in many parts of the world and grows crazy fast- strangling and choking out any other Flora in it's path.

-Belt and Flower crown: A combination of Black Ipomea (sweet potato vine) and morning glories. Sweet potatos symbolize peace and resolve while morning glories are tied to unrequited love or Obssesion.

-Urban jungle plays out a bit differently since I've scrapped Danny's ice powers and may or may not be doing the same for Vlad's Mayoral campaign.

-Undergrowth themselves is also a bit different. While their powers are primarily plant based they happen to be the Ancient Spirit of Flora and Fauna. So they have some influence over animals as well.

-Their appearance is also altered to match this, being built out of animal bones strung together with vines. I fully intend to give them their own character ref but for now I'll let y'all simply speculate as to what that looks like.

-Undergrowth is significantly less "evil" here than their Canon counterpart- and yes they're still absolutely enraged by the destruction of nature, but in inevitably turning Amity into an "Urban Jungle" their goal is a little less about "resetting" the planet and more about getting attention and Recognition, something they don't get from the other Ancients, who are very often disinterested or straight up dismissive of them and their work.

-There are plants and animals native to the ghost zone, but Undergrowth has more of an interest in the Living ones. The other ancients don't see any point to his cultivating human plants when they're just going to die anyway, not understanding that that is part of the beauty of it, the cycle of renewal, the death of one creature allowing the birth of another.

-The episode would start out with Undergrowth, understandably fed up with this, retreating into the human world for a nice long dirt nap. They are very angry and insulted and taking a couple centuries alone in their element is their Version of leaving the room to cool down.

-They bury themselves in the woods somewhere with just their head sticking out and that's that.

-Meanwhile Sam is having a very similar issue. She's used to her parents and other people being indifferent to her activism, but she'd expected more from her best friends. But Danny and Tucker keep Blowing her off to do ghost related things.

-They were supposed to come help with the park cleanup for earth day, but neither showed, just texting her an excuse and an apology. The event had a shit turn out for volunteers and she's already in a foul mood. She storms off into one of the hiking trails.

-she sits down at the base of a tree to catch her breath once she's feeling tired and burnt out, and notices a skull. It looks like it came from a deer- but it's much larger, and toothier. It's the roses vining up the antlers that really catch her attention. Poetic symbiosis, new growth supported on a trellis of bone.

-She digs up the roses at the root and cuts the strange skull loose to take it home, repotting it in her green house.

-Waking up to find yourself decapitated is probably rather shocking. They're annoyed- but they can grow back, given time. And this human that moved them is making sure they get plenty of sunlight and water.

-Sam spends a lot of time in the green house, and Undergrowth watches her. She alone takes care of all these plants. And she cares for them. The plants have names. She talks to them, words of encouragement and praise. Sometimes when she arrives she is sad or angry and she vents to her leafy charges.

-The more Undergrowth learns about Sam, the more he starts to care about her. At times she feels to him like a sapling planted in a bad spot, struggling as she's repeatedly ignored by her peers.

-He especially dislikes his Sapling's parents, because when she rants about them she rages and cries. They are her propagators, they should want nothing more than to see her Thrive and yet they seem to do nothing but stifle her growth.

-And eventually, when Undergrowth has their strength back, to re-grow bone and vine and pull themselves from their pot, and go to their sapling.

-"Do Not Be Afraid, I'm Here To Help You Bloom."