#not having access to my computer is driving me insane

[sexynetra]

SIX SENTENCE SUNDAY

I asked my editor what section to post but then my computer crapped out on me and I couldn’t do any of the edits she made 😔 also she never got around to telling me which part to post so uh. Up to me. Time to find a section that doesn’t have too many edits to post since I can’t actually do any of them until I fix my laptop 😭

~~~~~~

“Can I help you?” Marcia asked, propping herself up on her elbows.

It was too dark to make out Anetra’s expression clearly, but somehow Marcia knew she was blushing. “So I had a lot of fun tonight,” she started lamely.

Marcia couldn’t help but smile. “I did too.” Anetra was silent. “Is that it?”

“I guess. I just… I really liked it. Maybe we can do it again sometime?”

“Of course we can. Now go to sleep,” Marcia giggled.

[track-five]

hi again

this was a very strange year.

so much has changed. some regression, some progression - the lines sometimes blur together a bit.

i hadn't ever planned to take a break, but i found myself stepping back for a while. i was wary of writing a long distance relationship while being in one, knowing that the person would read it. i wouldn't have been able to authentically portray the "reality" of the relationship (that i built in my personal canon), since i worried that any conflict stemming from their ldr would make that person uncomfortable or could be taken the wrong way. i didn't want to change the HL dynamic or cause issues in my real life, so i chose what was most important to me.

i had to step away again after i tried coming back this year for my sake and yours, since trying to depict a loving couple while grappling with the end of my relationship made my writing awkward and insincere. i felt i couldn’t know how to write something realistic if i was questioning how much of my own relationship had been real. i was alone again, but in a way i’d never felt before. i think it showed. i figured if i waited long enough, being alone would stop feeling like the punishment i knew i deserved and become a source of inspiration again. it didn't take as long as i expected, but the way things unfolded only enforced the long-established feeling that i'm not meant to be loved...which didn't exactly resolve the authenticity issue, but we persist!

i was also unable to access my work for seven months. my laptop split clean in half, and i couldn't afford repairs, let alone my rent. i was worried i would never get my files back, but luckily i saved them in icloud. i had to finish my degree with no computer which was difficult, but i did it! i got new jobs and worked overtime for months now, and i was able to get a new computer (and found the license for my writing software, since i can't open my documents without it).

ever since then, i've reread all the fics i posted and my drafts so i can refresh my memory on everything (which took forever!). adding details that validate a fic’s connection to the real-life timeline is so important to me. that’s always been a huge undertaking which requires extensive research and fact-checking before i even start writing most things. it comes down to silly things like how long someone's hair was in that specific month of whatever year, the fifth song on a setlist of a show from ten years ago, the length of flights, matching their individual travel timelines post-1d, seeing if the pacing of conversations across time zones make sense…all the little things that i guarantee have no impact on anyone's enjoyment of the story but continue to drive me insane!

i didn't think to check here, as i really didn't expect anyone would be around. so many of you are in my inbox and i can’t believe you all still cared enough to check in. i’m going to try to answer questions over the next few days! if i don’t respond to yours, just know that i see it and i appreciate you <3

thank you for waiting for me. i hope i haven’t disappointed. 

[kde-plasma-official]

okay, nightmare storytime:

I'm sitting my friends cats in his apartment this weekend (he's on a funeral) and he gave me access to his his pc. up until now I've been repurposing my work macbook for my own entertainment or brought my own pc (just my ssd) so I have seen some of his computer stuff but bc he is mostly playing some games on fullscreen I haven't been able to look at it in all its glory

Up. until. now.

First thing I've noticed is Windows 11 light mode with base wallpaper. I've sat in his room and it hurt my eyes.

I created my own user account and switched to it immediately.

I've tried to change the theme to dark and noticed the "Activate Windows" watermark. He has his PC for months now, and never actually bothered to activate it. He has a Windows license, but the watermark "doesn't bother him". Wuh?????

I was about to look for regedit keys to activate dark mode without activating windows and he uses OperaGX. Real Gamer right there.

I plugged in my external drive and started to use Floorp (Firefox with extra customization options) instead.

Also he uses WinRAR instead of 7zip.

I'm just here right now and trying to figure out what changes I can make to my user account without affecting his because if I keep it like that I am going insane. I've also thought about going back home and bring my own PC but then the cats would be alone and I don't want them to take the blame for that.

[h0jos-f4vorite-t3stsubject]

Friends, hear ye hear ye

So, I'm heading to Job Corps soon, like in 5 days soon. The original plan was that I was going to take my dad's computer with me as a means of communication between my family and friends. Well, that fell through because we are missing cables. But I have a last idea before going silent for 9-12 months. Trust me, not talking to people drives me insane

In the event that I have to stay offline (off tumblr, insta, fb), but can email or text when I get a government issued phone or the Job Corps issued laptop has access to Gmail, I want to gather up the emails and phone numbers of my friends. I might be selective because I know I talk to some of you, but not everyday. If you wish to talk with me everyday over email or the occasional text message, please DM me so I can have that info on hand when I get the means to text/email.

[threehuskiesinatrenchcoat]

Well well well, we‘re back at it again.

You‘ve seen a big part of this before bc I can’t keep this shit from you, it’s a bit embarrassing ngl lmao. I finished it now tho!

The rest of it is on ao3 bc I refuse to post smut on here. Do others do it? Yea. Have I read it? Yea. I won‘t tho. I wanna be able to show my blog to friends, sorry. Can‘t have horny mfs on there for that /hj

This drabble is inspired by the John Wick movie-verse. people r legit sleeping that one

For easy access imma give y’all the link for the series real quick (and yes, I made it into a series, so any and all comments on later chapters r lost but it’s easier to navigate now, hopefully):

https://archiveofourown.org/series/3828004

Enjoy!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Vargas was looking at him, all half-lidded eyes and contemplative smirk and it was driving him insane. They’d been at the bar for about an hour now, low lights dancing through the room, bathing it in a dizzying mix of pinks and blues, drinks flowing freely for everyone around them. Phillip knew this wasn’t the moment to get drunk, though. The mission to infiltrate the club and keep an eye on their mark had priority, no matter how much attention his mission partner was showering him with.

“If you’re not careful, someone’s gonna see the way you look at me”, he mumbled into his drink, surveying the dancefloor. Their mark wasn’t as far away as just a minute ago, making her way towards the bar they were sitting at. It was an opportunity, but he needed the Mexican to keep a cool head if he wanted it to work.

“What if I want them to see? The type of rumours it could spark…” The other’s taunting grin irritated him and he shot him a frosty glare.

“It won’t be as fun when the families get involved, believe me.” He ignored Vargas’ dismissive scoff and noted the mark’s position just two seats over. Honestly, there were better ways to spend a Saturday night, but the woman had dirt on high-ranking members of both their families. Discretion was needed and goodwill had to be shown, hence the involvement from both families – no one could secure the information to use it against the other later. Of course, it was Phillip’s luck to get paired with Vargas. Their continued shared work in the past, if reluctant, had proven successful and success was all their families needed right now. Personal vendettas were of no importance in this, never mind any other kind of previous mingling.

With a last warning look towards the other, who rolled his eyes and ordered another drink, he turned around, acting surprised at seeing the young woman close to them. He smiled charmingly when he caught her eye and feigned interest. “What’s a fine-looking lady like you doing here. We haven’t met before, have we?”

She seemed a bit suspicious of him, but smiled nonetheless, pushing a strand of her hair behind her ear, revealing a glittering earring. “I don’t think we have, no.”

“That sounds about right. I’d remember a woman as stunning as you. I’m Jason by the way, it’s nice to meet you,” he drawled, putting on his Southern charm and holding out his hand. He didn’t like leaning into it, but many people outside the South liked it enough for him to use it again and again.

She gingerly took his offered hand, shook it once and they got talking. Marienne was French and had studied computer science, she owned a small poodle and had a sister. Phillip nodded and smiled along despite knowing all of it already. There was nothing new she could tell him except where she had hidden the information she had hacked their databases for. He would find out, one way or another, the pressure of his gun against his back where he had tucked in into his waistband a welcome reassurance.

Marienne smiled at him again as she leaned forward, asking him to come home with her for the night. It went just as he had hoped it would, but before he could agree, a hand landed on his hip, making him lose his train of thought as Alejandro stood right beside them, eyeing the woman. Graves’ heartbeat synced with the song‘s bass reverberating through the club, heat spreading from where their bodies touched. He must’ve been listening in to their conversation and gotten up when he heard her request. Something dark glimmered in his eyes and Phillip had a bad feeling about it.

The Mexican looked her up and down and then spoke, voice rough and dangerous. “I didn’t think you would want to get back at me that badly. Is she supposed to make me jealous? You can do better.” It was clear he was talking to Phillip despite looking at their target. Graves was speechless; partially out of surprise, partially out of anger. Couldn’t Vargas take the mission serious for even a moment? This was a huge opportunity he was ruining, as the woman looked from him to Phillip and back again, a sliver of apprehension and fear in her eyes.

She was starting to stand up. He had to save this somehow. Standing as well, he forcefully, if discreetly, removed the other’s hand from his hip and pushed him away as inconspicuously as possible. “He’s joking, I’m not with him.” He smiled reassuringly at her and winked. “Why don’t we get outta here, it’s getting late.” She nodded, but was hesitant about it. Graves slipped a tracker into her handbag while she was distracted by Alejandro still only a few feet away from them. It turned out to have been the right decision, as the other grabbed Phillip’s hand still keeping him in place and brought it up to his mouth to kiss the inside of his wrist.

“Oh please, you can drop the act. My attention is all yours.” He practically growled the last words, sending a shiver down Graves’s spine. This was not the plan. Their target took that moment to give a hasty goodbye and vanish into the crowd. Angry, the American turned towards his assigned partner and glared at him. The bar was more populated now, so he ripped his hand out of the other’s and seized his arm, steering Vargas outside and into a nearby alley.

“What the fuck was that? We almost had her!” Alejandro just grinned and Phillip’s blood started to boil. He pushed the other up against the dirty wall of the alley, the suit’s lapels clutched in his fists and his own nose just a few centimetres away from the Mexican’s. With bared teeth, he had to hold himself back from pulling a knife and getting rid of the nuisance in his grasp. “Why can’t you behave like the professional you’re supposed to be for one evening.”

WELL WELL WELL dw dw ily and i would be offended if you _didn't_ give me spoilers to chew on sjhgfdjsfhgsdf >:)

with that i can finally post this thing i drew for it!!! yay

yall, go read the whole thing NOW as usual im losing my mind and screaming and crying and everything in-between im gonna bite my laptop in half and it's gonna be YOUR fault sir

[youre-in-big-trouble]

omggg im so glad i saw you were awake before going to bed <3

So!! I continued trying to do my hold despite my pretty... busy night... My game session with my friends went on for longer than i thought, it was supposed to end around 12am (since usually thats just when we're gonna start getting tired and stuff) but we stared talking about personal things and stuff so I stayed despite being so frantic. We were just talking and laughing about silly drama that happened in the past, I was just gripping my desk and having to mute myself as I felt a wave hit me so I wouldnt accidentally whimper on the mic.

Until I did accidentally,,, but luckily they were like "was that a yawn or were u trying to growl at us" so i quickly was like "no i was growling grrr haha no i was totally just yawning..."

but MAN i was so desperate at this point, I was either gripping my desk or holding onto my chair to, like, push myself further into it? To grind on the seat to keep everything in? Im not sure how to describe what I was doing but i was FILLED my bladder was rock hard and if I leaned back a little, it was genuinely bulging. And the wetness was driving me more insane 😭 I was so turned on it was painfulllll

Since our game session went on longer than I expected, I had to basically jump immediately into our dnd session and of course it took like 40 minutes for it to start! No, we were still waiting on someone too! And at this point im quite literally just dribbling so slowly... I had a moment where I had a hiccup and I just knew it was my time. I frantically stood up, twisted my leg in my headphone cable and in my panic i was like Fuck it i'll just yank it out i need it off of me now. Then it reminded me that I didnt mute myself on discord yet but my button wasnt working so I just... frantically shut off my computer.

How, you ask? Well there is a conveniently placed button on the powerstrip to turn it off - thats easy to access - so I just stomped on it and RAN to the bathroom. I literally left a trail!! I didnt even get my clothes off, i slammed open the door and stumbled into the tub and just let go.

When i tell you that nothing could compare, im being so serious. Being able to just let go after being desperate for SO LONG was the most blissful thing I ever felt...

The only disappointing thing was i never got to cum.. I think i was close, but didn't get it... So I quickly peeled off my clothes, showered in a few minutes and sat back at my computer just in a robe as I plug everything back in and tell the party that my computer died and wouldn't turn back on for a minute, no one suspected a thing hehe

I was tempted afterwards to finish the job and get the orgasm i wanted but something told me not to, so even long after all this happened im still feeling so needy,,, im rubbing my legs together as I type this in bed...

but yeah thats what happened hehe sorry for the word vomit, super sleepy now

🐦‍⬛

THATS AN ADORABLE STORY youre precious ♡♡♡

im so glad you're still staying needy with us! horny motherfucker solidarity ♡ and that piss sounds AMAZING, i hope you get to experience that again real soon :)

sleep well! dream sweetly for us~!

[walkawaytall]

Okay, something that has been driving me insane as an iPhone user for probably close to a decade now is that I have songs and albums that I would have ripped from CDs back in the late-aughts that my iTunes app decides seemingly at random just aren't valid any more. My phone will say I simply need to sync with iTunes on my computer to fix the issue, but it never makes those tracks playable. Like, the main reason I pay for Apple Music at all is because I haven't been able to sort out how to access music I own (this I believe also occurred with digital albums I bought using Amazon back in the day. I was able to import them to iTunes and listen to them for years, and then tracks would randomly be unplayable).

But, I have a lot of time on my hands right now. And I'm going to figure this out.

[londonfoginacup]

I am so intrigued by your 54k fic collection… It is honestly so amazing to me! I’m so curious as to how/where you keep them and how you organize them all?? Anyways thanks for saving all those fics for us, library queen 👑

Ooooooh hey hi!

Lmao initially it started back when I started reading fic, I downloaded them to the Pocket app, which was a good start and that's a GREAT app for reading fic on because it saves your place no matter how many YEARS you left it, but at the time I was only using it for fic I was actively reading/just read/was going to read.

But I am nothing if not an archivist (actual profession) and digital hoarder (hobby). So NOW my setup is using Calibre! It's a program that's an open source e-book manager, basically a digital library. I have a few extensions that I use with it that make it super handy-- fanficfare being the main one. I can download a whole page of fics (you know, like when you're searching ao3 and it comes up with 20 at a time) at a time that way.

That's a screenshot of my library hahaha, I give everything a generic 1D cover unless I've found a custom cover somewhere (or made my own for my fav authors). Everything is downloaded in epub version, which is my personal favorite format to read.

Calibre automatically sorts them into folders by author, then fic, so it's super organized without me having to do much. The only big issues are when someone orphans or anonymizes their work, sometimes I get duplicates from that but overall I think it's a pretty low error rate.

And I have the actual folder library saved to the cloud, so I have access on my phone and on the go! ...this many fics does take a VERY long time to load though, so sometimes it's easier to just wait until I'm at my computer.

At this point I've gotten into the habit of once or twice a month going on a mass download spree for new fics. I specifically search for ALL !1D completed fics in english, and then go back and delete podfics because they. don't really work for epubs. I DO plan on separately making an a/v library for those eventually!

Now, to be fair, I'm missing what I estimate to be about 2k fics (...up to 5k) from 2014 to 2016. It DOES drive me insane, but it's like shooting a gun into the sky and hoping to hit an eagle blind. (don't do that the bullet will come back down). SO... ah well. I try my best.

Anyway THANKS U FOR ASKING, does that answer your question?

[coffeeknife]

blog reintroduction

the last time i used this account was when i was still a teenager. didn't feel like deleting and remaking on this handle though so uh. hey, i'm robin. i'm a married butch lesbian in mn. mostly logging back in so i can archive stuff on here where other people can see if they want

stuff i might post abt (under the cut)

managing physical/mental disability (my wife and i both have eds)

being broke and maintaining sanity/quality of life

it stuff. i have a cluster of servers at home running a lot of stuff to automate life. some stuff replaces subscriptions but i also do some budget smarthome stuff to make our living situation a little more accessible. i've also dabbled in backing up my personal healthcare record

more generally, extending the lifespan of (sometimes much older) tech & bending it to your will

some interests, though i tend to stay out of fandoms: trigun, dunmeshi, pokemon, ffxiv, persona series (but i dont touch that fandom with a ten foot pole) and a few others im sure i cant think of rn

also, feel free to send me asks about random tech things. i'll post some of my stuff later, but a quick rundown of my daily stuff

JUST replaced my phone. i only got my head out of the apple brainrot very recently, but my phone is a refurb'd note20 ultra that i intend to use for a very long time

desktop i built on the cheap. i5 (dont buy intel new, theyre zionists), intel arc graphics for video encoding

working on moving from a 2018-ish macbook air that's somehow barely runing to a 2010 thinkpad i salvaged from an ewaste bin. it's running pretty well on arch with a cheap SSD but it needs a new battery and a better display (and a modern wifi card eventually)

my server cluster that i've built over the last 10 years or so:

the manager computer is a 2017 imac i cut open to put more ram in. it was my primary computer until this year

2 raspberry pis that the manager dishes out tasks to. one is hooked up to an 8tb hard drive that it serves to the other 2 computers. the other has a zigbee receiver to handle cheap smarthome devices

3rd raspberry pi dedicated to networking. outside of the cluster, hosts a vpn so i can get into my stuff from anywhere without exposing it to the internet

salvaged two acer EEE laptops that i really want to convert into parts of the cluster bc i'm running out of cpu. they didn't come with power supplies and i have yet to get them to turn on

part of my goal for being active on here is to put some accessible resources on home servers out there. bc imo theyre insanely useful and learning how to do this stuff in general is good in the age of technological walled gardens

ok bye. follow me if you want ig, send me asks abt it stuff and i'll probably have something to say

[galexibrain]

One of the things that are driving me insane now that I'm full-on back into DB is how utterly "out of the loop" I am regarding additional media.

I read the manga from start to finish at least four times, individual storylines far more often, and I've watched DBZ more than once, though only once or twice the full run from start to finish without starting somewhere in the middle. Recently I watched Kai, which leaves out all the fillers. I never even watched the original DB anime.

I did watch GT yeeeeaaars ago when it aired in Germany. Or rather, didn't. Bc the TV channel that aired it thought it was a good idea to air it EARLY AFTERNOON, which means it had to be cut so much that only 2/3rds of the episodes were even shown, with 10 consecutive episodes towards the end left out completely. LMAO.

Anyways, I didn't like GT from the start. I hated the idea of "evil Dragon Balls", of Goku becoming a child again, I hated the ending ... basically all of it safe for the soundtrack and the scene where Vegeta rips off the steering wheel from those guys that gave Bulla shit.

I watched ... one Z movie and didn't like it (no idea which one it was) because it didn't logically fit into the point of the timeline where it supposedly took place. I read a comic about Goku Jr. that I didn't rly like bc to me it made no sense.

And that's it.

No additional movies, no video games. Never watched or read Super.

30 minutes ago I learned Dragon Ball Online exists and how vastly it expands on the DB universe (I've seen some stuff about it that I do kinda like, mhmm).

I'm so ridiculously clueless about so many things it's hilarious. I look like Cell did in the face of Gohan.

DB never was my main fandom. My oldest, yes. A deeply deeply defining experience that forms me until this day, as a person and as a writer. But I was never involved in the fandom. I got into it in 2002 but had no access to any kind of fandom space, online or offline. (I was fucking ten lmao and we didn't even have a computer at home.)

When I started writing fanfiction and slowly got involved with fandom spaces I was 17 and thought I was past DB. I've gone years without watching the anime or reading the manga.

And now I look at it and the additional content is ten times larger than the initial manga ever was. What is "officially" canon? What isn't or isn't anymore? What should I watch? What should I skip? What should I personally accept as canon, and what's better left out?

And I think I'll do what I do best: stick to the manga, take from the other media what I like, and forget about the rest.

[birlwrites]

what's wizarding music like in the ttdl universe? i've almost always got music on in the background and especially when i'm studying, but all of your characters are just. they're just sitting there studying and doing homework in silence! that would drive me insane!! so i was wondering what wizarding music is like, how available (? accessable? idk) it is in day-to-day life, and if you know, what are the 5th year slytherins' musical preferences? :)

anon you have hit on something that i think about a LOT and still don't have a totally developed 100% this-is-ttdl-canon answer for, so you're going to get a ramble!! and also INFORMATION ABOUT JOHN DOWLAND

(note from the birl who has completed her ramble - actually, less about john dowland than i anticipated, because i had Restraint because there was too much other stuff to talk about. i also haven't really read anything about dowland in like 2 months so WHAT IF MY INFORMATION ABOUT SOMEONE WHO DIED IN 1626 IS OUTDATED)

i generally think of wizarding technology as being behind muggle technology, for the obvious reason that it is. in the 1990s, they've got radio, but they don't have telephones, television, CD players, or computers

some of this is explained by the 'magic and electricity don't mix!!' principle but i'm a little suspicious of this principle bc... well, because i am afjslkghsjkdf. mostly because of 'how do the radios work then'

so imo the REAL reason wizarding technology is behind is because of, as with many things, Blood Purity Mentality. they're not really inspired to figure out how to adopt these things

so, where are they at in the 1970s? there's still radio - it operates on a ~magical frequency~ that manages to get down into the dungeons of hogwarts, so go magic. i think they have gramophones and even vinyl (just in time for muggles to figure out cassette tapes ajfslkghkjldsf), but a certain class of pureblood will sometimes sneer at vinyl for being Too Muggle.

if we think of wizarding culture as being, say, 15-20 years behind, then vinyl's been around for about 10-15 years, so it's been adopted pretty successfully in wizarding culture, but it's viewed as inferior to live performance (create an idea of scarcity and exclusivity!!!!)

like, with things like pensieves and enchanted art, the idea of recording a song so you can play it again without needing to go to a concert where they happen to play it is less special. can you afford a reasonably-sized enchanted oil painting of a string quartet? if you commission one with a list of your favorite pieces etched into the back of the canvas so it's guaranteed that they'll know the pieces you want to hear, you're good to go, no record player needed

so record players definitely aren't ubiquitous, and they tend to be a little unwieldy, so the only people who are going to be lugging those to hogwarts are people who really care about being able to listen to Specific Music. radios are more common. (people also generally aren't lugging oil paintings of musicians to hogwarts ajfskhgskf - wealthy students interested in music might have a miniature- to medium-sized painting with one to three musicians and up to 8 pieces on their 'setlist')

the rosiers have like. over a dozen small portraits of john dowland with his lute the dream and OH MY GOD i don't have room to talk about this on this post this post is already long and hhhhhhhh ANYWAY. if your family ever acted as patrons for a musician, you've probably got at least a couple of paintings of them lying around

but live music is still definitely viewed as Elite. ghost ensembles are popular to hire for events - they have basically infinite time to practice and learn new pieces, and they really don't ask for much in return beyond an audience and applause. live music performed by live people is Especially elite, bc exclusivity mindset

lucinda grew up listening to popular music on the radio and she got maeve into pop with her - there's definitely a radio in the girls' room, i just can't decide which of the two of them it belongs to ajfslkghlksjdf. charlotte will start pulling her hair out if people are playing music while she's trying to think, so they have a lot of Quiet Hours, but charlotte does a lot of her homework in the library anyway so it's not a huge restriction. emma will beg and plead and bribe people with candy to listen to as many quidditch matches as she can possibly manage - lucinda's usually down to listen to pro matches, but sometimes she'll go 'emma i have literally never heard of those teams' and emma goes 'THEY'RE THE FARM TEAMS FOR THE BRITISH LEAGUE' and that's usually when the bribery starts happening, because lucinda likes quidditch but she doesn't like it That much

(maeve gracefully avoids being dragged into those discussions. she's down for whatever :) which means she does not actually want to listen to an exhibition match between farm teams but emma does so)

evan's got a radio stuffed into his wardrobe somewhere - he usually listens to quidditch matches in the girls' room with emma and other than that he doesn't really care ajfslghsjdkf

barty's family has a ton of records thanks to his mom, spanning a wIDE range of genres - he doesn't really bring any of that with him to school (his trunk is already full of books and, you know, unimportant things like his uniform) but he knows a surprising amount about random things here and there. lots of information from liner notes his mom read aloud. he's a mars the bringer of war basic bitch but i forgive him because it is a banger and aren't we all, and also mars the bringer of war is significantly less basic in wizarding culture because it's a Muggle Composition

and regulus fjslghslkdghjsljk. regulus LOVES his peace and quiet. there's a reason he used to do almost all of his work in their dorm room and only moved out into the common room to be Seen. like charlotte, he would lose his mind a little if he was trying to listen to music and do work at the same time - he'd have to block the music out. no radios or enchanted oil paintings for him

so for regulus, listening to music is an Activity all by itself. he's been to a handful of (classical) concerts, and heard plenty of live music at the more salon-y high society gatherings, but his education in pop music (or other genres of commercial music) is,,,, sub-minimal ajglshkgjsldf. (evan's not much better tbh - lots of those salons are In His House, he's just as immersed in art music as regulus is, except for when he happens to be in the girls' room when they're not listening to quidditch)

i haven't put much thought into the development of magical instruments or techniques, because tbqh i am a singer and things like the mechanics of instruments often totally fail to enter my mind as a thing that should be thought about - now i'm having thoughts about dark arts applied to vocal abilities to build quite literally superhuman voices

but i think that one of the reasons that regulus doesn't listen to a lot of music is because it affects him too much. that boy is repressing so much shit and if he listens to too much beethoven or tchaikovsky or dowland or god forbid a REQUIEM MASS (other than like. fauré's) it's all going to come out

[shi1498912]

Yeah we don't necessarily need to jump right onto the next exciting band wagon of technological advancement just because everyone else is on it, or just because it's new, you know?

I will still keep using wristwatches, despite by phone having a clock on the lock-screen. Checking time on the phones involves the steps of fishing the phone out the pocket/shoulder satchel, and then press a button to light up the screen to see the time. With a plain old wristwatch? Just turn your wrist and look at the time, and that's that. You may need to push your sleeve back a little, but that's still faster than having to pull out your hand-sized phone out of your pocket and turn the screen on first.

You can still buy new laptops with optical disc-drives. They do cost more now, though, but I am willing shell out that money once my current laptop bites the dust, simply because I refuse to engage with devices that try to force me to save my data on the cloud. The cloud is bullshit by the way. It's just sotrage space on someone else's computer.

Besides, when initiating a new computer (windows) you still have the option to install/use the computer on a local account. You just have to purposefully type a made-up nonesense e-mail a couple times, when Windows 11 asks you to enter your Windows Account during the installation/set-up phase. I think after the fourth time of entering the wrong E-Mail, Windows 11 asks you if you'd rather prefer to install the OS locally.

You all are mourning that things like the optical drives on laptops, even desktops are becoming obsolet. Mourning how we have access to virtually everything now, but don't actually own anythign anymore, because everything is either subscription based, or hinges on the mood of some batshit insane Silicon Valley CEO who's only real achivement is that he's bought three companies with his family's blood money, and is driving each of them in the ground a varying speed, while trying to book it to mars.

Y'all a mourning how we don't actually own anything anymore, and curse capitalism for it, but you forget that we consumers are complicit in all of this as well!

We've happily sacrificed our autonomy at the Altar of Mammon for the promise of convenience.

There's still time to save some. Drop Spotify and go buy actual CDs of albums. Drop Netflix/Amazon/etc. that whols streaming bullshit, and go buy actual DVDs or Blu-Reys of your favourite movies and shows! That's a one time investment compared to the total of monthly subscriptions you have to pay for every streaming service you use to watch all your shows.

the older I get, the more the technological changes I've lived through as a millennial feel bizarre to me. we had computers in my primary school classroom; I first learned to type on a typewriter. I had a cellphone as a teenager, but still needed a physical train timetable. my parents listened to LP records when I was growing up; meanwhile, my childhood cassette tape collection became a CD collection, until I started downloading mp3s on kazaa over our 56k modem internet connection to play in winamp on my desktop computer, and now my laptop doesn't even have a disc tray. I used to save my word documents on floppy discs. I grew up using the rotary phone at my grandparents' house and our wall-connected landline; my mother's first cellphone was so big, we called it The Brick. I once took my desktop computer - monitor, tower and all - on the train to attend a LAN party at a friend's house where we had to connect to the internet with physical cables to play together, and where one friend's massive CRT monitor wouldn't fit on any available table. as kids, we used to make concertina caterpillars in class with the punctured and perforated paper strips that were left over whenever anything was printed on the room's dot matrix printer, which was outdated by the time I was in high school. VHS tapes became DVDs, and you could still rent both at the local video store when I was first married, but those shops all died out within the next six years. my facebook account predates the iphone camera - I used to carry around a separate digital camera and manually upload photos to the computer in order to post them; there are rolls of undeveloped film from my childhood still in envelopes from the chemist's in my childhood photo albums. I have a photo album from my wedding, but no physical albums of my child; by then, we were all posting online, and now that's a decade's worth of pictures I'd have to sort through manually in order to create one. there are video games I tell my son about but can't ever show him because the consoles they used to run on are all obsolete and the games were never remastered for the new ones that don't have the requisite backwards compatibility. I used to have a walkman for car trips as a kid; then I had a discman and a plastic hardshell case of CDs to carry around as a teenager; later, a friend gave my husband and I engraved matching ipods as a wedding present, and we used them both until they stopped working; now they're obsolete. today I texted my mother, who was born in 1950, a tiktok upload of an instructional video for girls from 1956 on how to look after their hair and nails and fold their clothes. my father was born four years after the invention of colour televison; he worked in radio and print journalism, and in the years before his health declined, even though he logically understood that newspapers existed online, he would clip out articles from the physical paper, put them in an envelope and mail them to me overseas if he wanted me to read them. and now I hold the world in a glass-faced rectangle, and I have access to everything and ownership of nothing, and everything I write online can potentially be wiped out at the drop of a hat by the ego of an idiot manchild billionaire. as a child, I wore a watch, but like most of my generation, I stopped when cellphones started telling us the time and they became redundant. now, my son wears a smartwatch so we can call him home from playing in the neighbourhood park, and there's a tanline on his wrist ike the one I haven't had since the age of fifteen. and I wonder: what will 2030 look like?

[lefae]

Personal Update

On December 1, mom broke her ankle horribly enough to require surgery to fix it. I stayed with her through most of the hospital stay (I only came home one night because I have PTSD issues regarding that hospital and wasn't getting any sleep there because of it), and have had to spend most of my time since then at her house because she's completely non weight bearing and is incapable of much mobility at all on her own right now...

Given that I am physically disabled, with mobility issues - spinal damage and a once broken ankle that needs surgery again that I can't afford, both of which demand I severely limit the amount of time I'm on my feet or I risk losing my ability to walk completely even faster than I'm already losing it - you can just imagine the struggle that this is, given how difficult it is to simply take care of myself, much less another person. Add to that that we don't always get along when forced to be around each other for extended periods of time, and I don't get any chance to rest during my chronic illness flare-ups or to recover from them...

The rest of my family who had been helping with at least meals, running errands, and a couple overnight stays a week all have COVID right now as of December 24. Thankfully, there wasn't any family gathering, so neither mom nor I got sick, but that also means all of what minimal help and breaks I got have disappeared, to where it was a while production when I needed to get my aunt from the sperm donor's side of my family to give me a ride to the store to get a few things I needed for myself because no one else picked them up for me like they were supposed to.

I am bloody exhausted, in severe pain, dealing with severe depression on top of it all, because in all this, one thing has been made abundantly clear: it doesn't matter how fucking disabled I am, my family honestly doesn't give a shit and it's actively exploiting the fact that I'm unable to work (even if I found a job I could handle, it wouldn't be available here locally, the internet sucks to much to be able to do it remotely (plus they wouldn't leave me alone to do it regardless), and any commute would be insane even if it was in the immediate area since it's a 30 minute drive to the nearest fucking grocery store as it is, etc) to have me essentially work literally 24/7 with no compensation, I'm not even able to sleep in my own fucking bed, I don't have access to my computer at all most days, I have to work regardless of flare-ups or migraines or pain levels, and I've actively noticed a severe decrease in my own mobility trying to do this because no one else will, and the hospital sent her home instead of putting her in rehab like we were told they would because no one here was able to handle doing this but apparently that didn't matter and no one would listen to me when I tried to kick up a fuss despite my being the one who has had to do the vast majority of the work since, all while completely neglecting my own living space because I haven't even had time to go home and take out the fucking trash or clean out the fridge because apparently no one cares if I get sicker or permanently injured in all of this.

And the real kicker is when everyone else is being all "woe is me" because they miss my uncle who passed away in September, and expecting me to comfort them when I'm well past my breaking point to where I simply want to run away and never look back because I can't keep this up, I'm so tired and I'm so much pain and I'm scared that by the time this is over, I'm going to be unable to even stand on my own two feet anymore and it will be entirely their fault at that point and they'll just leave me to fend for myself like they've always done, yet expect me to push myself to the point of sickness and injury for them even when I say I'm not able to do it because they'll threaten me with taking away the financial support I'm dependent on them for.

So yeah... Don't expect a lot of activity from me right now, since I have a lot of trouble trying to type on touchscreens and I'm largely stuck on mobile for the foreseeable future. And if you can spare a few dollars so I can try to just order some things for myself to have it delivered rather than struggling and fighting with family to get any bloody help around here, I would deeply appreciate it (links to buymeacoffee & Amazon wishlists are in my pinned post, or it's possible to tip through this blog).

[crimmson]

hi I hate hormonal fluctuates do y'all wanna know the absolutely unhinged runaway train of thought that upset me so fucking much the last couple of days very suddenly and for no discernable reason??

so a while ago I also had a mini meltdown about how frustrated I was that my whole life is pretty much stuffed into my childhood bedroom. I am a grown-ass 32 year old adult, and this like 10x10 room is effectively my bedroom, dining room, gaming room, hobby room, etc. I was getting annoyed and trying to rearrange my desk to optimize the space and couldn't and started like frustrated half-crying with a bunch of half disassembled shit on the floor around me.

my dad very graciously talked with me and was like why don't you move some of your stuff into [my mom's old home office/unused exercise room/misc storage room] and that has become my Computer/Game room. and that has certainly helped the last couple of months.

HOWEVER, a couple of days ago I was already just on edge for unidentifiable reasons and my dad has been prepping some stuff because we're getting windows replaced this week. so he was hammering and drilling and stuff, and even with the door shut and my headphones on I could still hear it, and for whatever reason that was just Enough. i already wasn't fully in a gaming mood so I just quit my game and I started just angry-straightening-up my desk and laundry and shit and getting snippy so he was very understandably like "what in the fuck"

THIS led to me getting annoyed again that I just don't have the fine, granular control over various house stuff that I'd like to have. and general lack of ~privacy in my own home~ kind of shit. like I feel weird walking from the bathroom to my room in my underwear after I take a shower but I don't wanna bring the towel with me because then I'll have to go back and hang it up. just stupid little shit like that. and the fact that he will bitch at me about his brother coming up to ramble at him for 20 minutes about shit he doesn't care about, with the irony that he's doing the same fucking thing to me just sailing right over his head. but then I feel like an asshole for not having the patience anymore to play along. I wanna do my own shit but then I feel guilty.

or the fact that I'd love to have easy access to maintenance shit like thoroughly cleaning out the washing machine or the dishwasher filter. or doing my laundry on a schedule. but I can't really do that shit because I'd have to organize around other people in the house. and some small stupid shit like my dad and uncle leaving their dishes in the sink for days at a time if not a couple of weeks, whereas I put my shit straight into the dishwasher. or leaving wrappers on the counter instead of putting them straight into the garbage.

but at the same time I have no real right to complain, because there's plenty of shit I leave around because the moment I put something down and walk away, there's a 50/50 chance I will forget it's there. so it's like. kind of an asshole move for me to get prickly about things when I do similar shit.

then THAT led to me being like... he's already compromised for me before, and compromises go both ways, and I know this. so why am I still so annoyed. so NOW I'm annoyed that I'm annoyed.

(also at some point the annoyance of 'why on earth does he even need the larger master bedroom at this point when he effectively just uses it for sleeping and he has the whole living room' floated through my mind but it's also insane to switch up bedrooms at this point)

but then THAT led to "oh my god, if I'm ultimately always going to be unhappy with compromise and demand more then the problem is me, and nobody should ever live with me because I will drive them up a fucking wall, which means nobody should ever like-like me (because mentally I'm 12 and love is a scary word)"

which THEN led to "oh my god am I doomed to always inevitably become unhappy with every situation because everything I've done that I thought would magically fix my problems has not, eventually the relief fades and there's always something that seems to creep up"

and then THAT turned into "oh jesus christ i can't even afford to live on my own if I want to because it's too expensive here but I hate the idea of moving and learning how to do a new job and I LIKE my job despite my bitching and I'm comfortable with it, I just dont know how tf anyone is supposed to actually survive in this expensive fucking area when rent is like 60% of my monthly income so im LUCKY to live rent free with my dad. so I need to just deal with it for now. because no matter what I'm trapped and I just need to make peace with that."

AND THEN I SLEPT FOR LIKE 10 HOURS TWO DAYS IN A ROW AND IM MOSTLY BETTER NOW SO WHAT THE FUCK

[goddessofliteratureandsarcasm]

There’s this thought that’s been percolating in the back of my mind. I’ve been doing my usual rounds of looking at fandom meta and shipping discourse, and I’m starting to wonder. Other people have done a really good job of explaining the connection between purity culture and this new generation of fans, who seem to want to sanitize everything, so I won’t go into that. But I was looking specifically at shipping discourse where one side’s major argument was that their pairing was canon. And it got me thinking, why is that such a weird argument to me? I basically grew up in fandom, it taught me a lot about how to read media and what a compelling argument looks like, so why doesn’t this one ring true?

And then I realized I’ve been reading a lot of nonfiction in my spare time about millennial burnout culture, and the overachievement culture that’s been driving high schoolers into burnout before they can even get to college. And then I thought about the phrase “ teaching to the test”, and then it clicked. Teaching to the test when I was growing up meant that your teacher was essentially coloring inside the lines, that they had a pretty good idea of the kinds of things and questions that were going to be on standardized tests, and that they stuck to those concepts because school funding was becoming more and more based on student testing results. But, and I’m speaking as an elder millennial here, back then we still had free time. Not tons, but enough for a hobby or two of our own preference that didn’t make it onto our college application list. And kids now just don’t seem to have that. There’s increased pressure about school, and not just for the ones who want to go to Harvard. There’s increased pressure about extracurriculars, and making sure that everything you do is optimized for your college application. And every other spare minute is taken up by doomscrolling and optimizing social media.

That’s insane! Fandom has been my hobby since I was 11 years old and had unrestricted computer access. As long as I wasn’t on “chat rooms” no one gave a damn what I was doing on the internet, and, of course, the first thing my nerdy ass did was look for what I now call fan content. And I wasn’t alone! One of the top five students in my graduating class introduced me to deviant art when we were 13.

But now kids don’t have or give themselves free time to let their brains play. And in the process of “studying for the test”, they’re not giving themselves the opportunity to come at media from the direction of “what if?”. What if things were different? What if that character didn’t die? What if that letter didn’t fall into the wrong hands? What if they all just packed it up and moved to New York and opened a coffee shop?

You can’t ask questions like that when you’re studying for “the test”, the test that will determine your entire course in life, or at least you and everyone around you thinks so.  You’ll get points taken off if you don’t know exactly what happens, so you learn to hold up the original piece of media as sacred without questioning it. Oh sure, they’ll talk about what makes an old novel problematic, but they won’t move past banning it to reimagining it. And the same goes for the media that they consume as fans.  Cannon is a sacred text, not a starting point.

I don’t know, it’s just a little sad to me that alongside purity culture these kids are losing their sense of play. Fuck knows I need it.

[bi-disastersoup]

Alright, so.... it's kind of a long story.

I grew up not really playing RPGs at all for... multiple reasons that aren't really relevant. My husband Jax, on the other hand, grew up practically learning to read on JRPGs. So when we started dating, he decided I needed to be exposed to all these wonderful stories that he had grown up with. One of those was FFVII, and then he had me playing through them all in order for the next several years.

So in summer 2013, I was in the middle of playing FFIX. We had started hearing about the reboot of FFXIV and, ironically, were actually in the market for a new MMO to play together, because while we enjoy playing games together we were having a hard time finding one that would really stick. He had heard the horror stories of the failed launch of 1.0, and I was foolishly under the impression that he wouldn't let me play it without catching up with the single-player games first, so we both kind of ignored it for the first few weeks.

But then it was actually really good and wildly popular. So we decided to give it a try. Unfortunately, it was so insanely popular that they stopped selling digital codes, and we had to drive out halfway across the state to find a Gamestop that had a single physical copy in stock so we could load it onto both of our computers. And the servers were so full that the only ones accepting new players during the day when we were creating characters were on the EU data center, so we actually started on Cerberus.

And the rest is kinda history. We were hooked, we were very impressed, and we reached level cap in an MMO for the first time ever (and still the only time, actually, nothing has ever kept our attention like this game has).

We've lived through all of the big changes and seen all the expac launches live. We spent actual real world money on an in-game wedding when the feature first launched. He woke me up at ass-o'clock in the morning during early access for StB so I could get through Raubahn Extreme. We quit raiding for a bit when our kid was born, but then came back after only a few weeks because our static was having so much trouble with their pugs and it was painful to watch. We've been through so many ups and downs with this game, and only allowed our subs to lapse once during the entire ten year run, for about six months and for reasons that I honestly regret.

Question for the ffxiv fandom!

How did you all get into the game? I love hearing everyone's stories about how they found the game.