#not excited about this annotated bibliography we have to do though…

[flowersfallingdown]

I have less homework this semester than last semester but gah . It is much longer/harder than last semester

[waitimcomingtoo]

Kiwi

Pairing: Peter Parker x film enthusiast!reader

Synopsis: Peter is skeptical of your new guy friend

Masterlist

You were a bit of a film nerd.

You always had something to say about a film. Whether it was random trivia about the actors or the original version of the script, you knew it and you had to share. Every time Peter heard you say, “did you know…”, during a movie, he knew he was in for something great. You seemed to know everything about every movie, and it brought Peter a great deal of amusement. His favorite thing, however, was when you showed him your favorite movies. You’d stay silent during these, always so enchanted by them. But when your favorite scene was coming, you’d let Peter know by giving his hand an anxious squeeze. That’s when he knew he had to stop looking at you and pay attention.

“Okay.” You turned the movie off and looked at Peter. “Be honest. What did you think?”

“I liked it.” Peter lied. He had barely paid attention. He couldn’t keep his eyes off the soft smile that rested on your lips throughout the film.

“That’s all?” You whined. “Did you know it took seven years to animate that dinner scene? Seven years for a three minute sequence. Isn’t that amazing?”

“It is.” Peter chuckled. “I was very impressed.”

“Me too.” You gushed. “It gets better every time.

“I bet. So how was your day today?” Peter asked as you laid your head down on his lap.

“I had a great day, actually.” You smiled up at him.

“Yeah?” Peter grinned as he stroked your hair. “What happened?”

“I was talking about The Babadook in theater today and this guy chimed in and told me it was his favorite horror film. Other than Midsommer, obviously.” You began. “Apparently he loves movies just as much as I do. Can you believe that?”

“Wow.” Peter nodded. “What’s his name?”

“Kevin.” You answered. “We’ve been texting all day. He’s making a list of his favorite movies and I’m making him a list of mine. God, I love when you meet someone and instantly click.”

“Yeah. Me too.” Peter said a little flatly. He didn’t love that you’d been texting this guy all day, especially when Peter didn’t know him. What he loved even less was how much you had in common with this guy.

As the weeks went on, Peter heard at least one mention of Kevin a day. Whether he was sending you a funny Tik tok or asking you for movie recommendations, Peter always saw his name on your phone. He checked out Kevin’s Instagram to see what he was like and saw a picture of the two of you with your arms around each other. Whenever Peter checked Kevin’s story on Snapchat, you were usually in in the background. It bothered Peter more than he liked, but he didn’t want to tell you he was jealous. He didn’t want you to think that he didn’t trust you, but he wasn’t so sure he trusted Kevin.

“Whats so funny?” Peter asked when he heard a giggle escape your lips. You were sitting on Peter’s bed, staring at your phone while he did his homework.

“It’s Kevin.” You chuckled as you typed something back. “I thought everyone in that class was uptight but he’s hilarious. I can’t believe we never spoke before this month. He’s like the funniest guy I know.”

“Wow. Good for you.” He smiled softly. “I’m glad you made a friend.”

“Me too. But enough about him. I want to hear about my lovely boyfriend.” You left your phone on the bed and went to Peter’s desk to sit with him. You sat down on his lap and wrapped your arms around him, bringing him into a long kiss.

“Your lovely boyfriend is very stressed about his annotated bibliography.” Peter sighed when he pulled away.

“Aw.” You cooed. “What’s it on?”

“Residential segregation in urban areas.” Peter told you.

“Hm.” You frowned. “I don’t know too much about that. But I could tell you five films that deal with it.”

“I’d love to hear them.” Peter smiled before leaning in for another kiss. Your kiss was cut short by the sound of your phone ringing.

“Hang on.” You sighed. “Sorry.”

“Who is it?” Peter asked as you went back to your phone.

“Kevin.” You answered before picking up. Peter frowned, feeling insecurity settle in his tummy.

“Hello?” You laughed softly. “I’m good. Yeah. It was Moonrise Kingdom. You’re welcome. Bye.”

“Sorry.” You said as you tossed your phone back on the bed. “He couldn’t remember the title of the movie I told him to watch.”

“Hm.” Peter nodded, not trusting himself to say anything helpful.

“Is everything okay?” You asked as you sat back down on his lap.

“Yeah.” He lied. “Everything is okay.”

A few weeks later, Peter was walking down the hallway when he spotted Kevin by the water fountain. He was too busy talking to some boy to notice Peter. Peter was thankful for this, since he was supposed to meet you between classes and he didn’t want Kevin to interrupt.

“There you are.” You came down the hallway and threw your arms around Peter. “Hi baby.”

“Hey princess.” Peter smiled before pulling you into a long kiss. He opened his eyes and flicked them up to see if Kevin was still there, which he was. He closed his eyes and deepened the kiss out of spite.

“Woah.” You pulled away breathlessly after a minute. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Just wanted to show you some love. Since I love you so much.” Peter shrugged before kissing you again.

“I love you too.” You giggled between kisses.

“Do you want to come over after class today? I have a lot more love I want to show you.” Peter mumbled against your lips. He flicked his eyes to the side again and this time, Kevin was watching. He was too far to hear your conversation, but he could clearly see how affectionate Peter was.

“Yes, please.” You bit your bottom lip. “But I can’t come until after four. Kiwi and I-“

“Kiwi?” Peter wondered.

“Sorry, Kevin. Kiwi is my nickname for him.” You explained as Peter’s smile fell. “He and I were gonna get coffee after class.”

“Alone?” Peter pulled away a little with a pour. “Like on a date?”

“No.” You laughed. “Peter, Kevin is-“

“Can we not talk about Kevin?” He cut you off and pulled you back into his arms. “I want to hear about your day. How was class?”

“Good. It’s just so long. I can’t sit through it all without zoning out. That’s usually when I start thinking about you.” You smirked as you rubbed your nose against his.

“Thinking about little old me?” Peter touched a hand to his chest before pulled you into another kiss. He slid his hand down your body and gave your butt a squeeze, making sure he was extra affectionate in front of Kevin.

“Whew.” You pulled away in surprises for laughed. “We are in the hallway, mister. Save that for later.”

“I will.” He smacked your butt for good measure. “I’ll see you after four.”

“See you.” You blew him a kiss as you walked away. Peter smirked and leaned against the wall, pleased with himself for his little public display of affection.

Since Kevin was so very fond of posting you on his social media, Peter made sure to put a picture of you sleeping on his story. He added the caption “when she sleeps in your bed more than her own” just so everyone knew what was going on.

A few weeks later, you went to Peter’s dorm after a long day of classes in need of some cuddles. You opened Peter’s door and found him laying in his bed.

“Hey, princess.” He sat up a little in his bed. “You had a midterm today right?”

“Yeah. I didn’t do too well though.” You sighed. “There was an essay at the end that I didn’t really know how to answer.”

“I’m sorry.” He frowned and opened his arms to you. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay.” You mumbled as you climbed into his arms. “I was kinda bummed but then Kevin and I went to Dunkin so I feel better. It’s just a test.”

Peter quieted down when you mentioned Kevin, feeling that familiar sense of jealousy in his stomach.

“Is something wrong?” You noticed his mood change.

“Why are you and Kevin always together?” He asked quietly.

“I don’t know.” You shrugged. “We just like spending time together.”

“Do you hang out in a group or just you and him?” Peter wondered.

“Usually just me and him.” You told him, which is exactly what he didn’t want to hear. Peter pouted and tilted his chin up, not wanting you to see that he was upset.

“What’s wrong?” You asked, sitting up a little to stroke his face.

“He knows everything about movies. He’s the funniest guy you know.” Peter repeated the words you used. “And he takes up all your time. I don’t know, I’m a little worried.”

“About what? Kevin is just a friend.”

“But is that all he wants to be?” Peter asked. “Think about it, princess. You have the same passion as him and you’re drop dead gorgeous. There’s no way he’s not into you.”

“I promise you, he’s not.” You chuckled softly. “And he knows I have a boyfriend. I talk about you all the time.”

“You talk about him all the time too.” Peter said quietly.

“Hey, Petey.” You rolled on top of him and cupped his face. “You have no reason to be worried or jealous. I love you, okay? No one could take your place.”

“Okay.” Peter nodded, satisfied with what you said. “I believe you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’m glad you told me how you were feeling.” You smiled softly. “I’ll stop talking about him as much if it bothers you.”

You kept your word and stopped bringing Kevin up, which Peter appreciated. What Peter didn’t know was he’d still have you watch you laugh at Kevin’s texts and see the two of you in the hallways.

A few weeks later, Peter surprised you outside of your economics class during his free period.

“Hey, princess.” He came up behind you and pulled you into a hug.

“Peter!” You lit up. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Really?” Peter asked hopefully.

“Yeah. Kevin is about to get out of class. You can finally meet him.” You told him, and his smile fell. Of course your excitement was Kevin related. Before Peter could respond, Kevin walked out of a classroom and went up to you.

“There’s my girl.” He squeezed your hand. “How was economics?”

“Boring but he wore those pants again.” You laughed a little. Kevin seemed to know exactly what you were talking about, but Peter didn't.

“Did you take a picture?” Kevin’s eyes widened in excitement.

“I couldn’t.” You whined. “He was always facing us.”

“Ugh. Next time.” Kevin laughed. Peter looked between the two of you and cleared his throat, signaling that he was there.

“Oh, right.” You giggled. “Kevin, this is Peter.”

“It’s about time.” Kevin reached out to shake Peter’s hand. “Y/n told me all about you, Mr. Biochemistry and engineering major.”

“Nice to meet you.” Peter said stiffly as he draped an arm over your shoulders.

“You too.” Kevin smiled. “I gotta say, you’re the luckiest man in the world to be dating Y/n. I’m ready to marry her and I’ve only known her two months.”

“Yeah, well.” Peter smiled tightly and pulled you closer. “She’s taken.”

“I know.” Kevin sighed wistfully. “She never lets me forget it.”

“Haha.” Peter faked a laugh and hugged you even tighter. “I won’t either.”

“Aw.” Kevin smiled at the two of you. “Well, I wish I could stay but I have class in five minutes. It was great to meet you, Peter. We should all hang out soon.”

“Yeah.” Peter nodded. “Sure.”

“Bye Kiwi.” You called after him once he w no as walked away. You turned to Peter to see his reaction and noticed the displeased look on his face.

“What’s wrong?” You asked.

“Did he seriously just say he wanted to marry you? In front of me?” Peter asked angrily.

“He was kidding.” You assured him. “He would never marry me.”

“He didn’t take his eyes off you the entire time we were talking.” He grumbled.

“Hey.” You put a hand on Peter’s chest to calm him down. “You have nothing to worry about. Kevin is harmless. He likes me as a friend. He would never see me as something more.”

“I don’t know, princess.” Peter sighed and put his hand over yours. “He seems to really like you. I don’t think I’m comfortable with you guys hanging out alone all the time.”

“I understand what you’re saying.” You nodded. “But I promise, I wouldn’t be hanging out with this guy if I had any impression that he liked me.”

“Maybe he’s just good at hiding it around you.” Peter shrugged.

“He and I were gonna watch Eternal Sunshine this Friday. Would it make you feel better if you came too?” You suggested. “I’ve been meaning to show you that movie anyway.”

“Okay.” Peter nodded, feeling a little better. His frown didn’t let up, so you pinched his cheek.

“I love you.” You teased him.

“I love you too.” He broke into a smile finally.

Come Friday, you, Peter and Kevin were sitting in your dorm in front of a white sheet. Peter and Kevin sat in awkward silence as you fumbled with the projector.

“Okay, I think I got it.” You said finally, and the image appeared on the white sheet. You went to sit between Kevin and Peter, but Peter had other plans.

“You can sit with me, princess. Right here.” Peter loudly patted his lap. You laughed a little and took a seat between his legs, letting him pull you into his body. He wrapped his arms securely around your waist and pressed loud kisses to your cheek.

“You guys are so cute.” Kevin commented as he grabbed some popcorn.

“Thanks.” Peter said through an evil smile. He kissed your cheek again and snuggled you closer.

As the movie went on, Peter became progressively more affectionate. Usually you wouldn’t mind, but you didn’t want to make Kevin uncomfortable.

“Baby, not now.” You whispered to Peter as he kissed your neck. He had already left a hickey right where Kevin could see it.

“Sorry. I just can’t resist you.” Peter whispered back. Instead of kissing you, he slid his hands up your shirt and cupped your boobs. You craned your neck to raise an eyebrow at him, but he played dumb.

“What?” He asked innocently. “My hands were cold.”

“Sure.” You chuckled and let him keep his hands there the rest of the movie.

The following week, Peter walked through the halls feeling better about the whole Kevin situation. You spent the weekend in Peter’s dorm, only ever leaving for the bathroom or food. Peter made sure he posted pictures of you together throughout the day for Kevin to see. He could tell his jealousy was getting a little out of control, but he couldn’t help it. As long as Kevin was around, he had to keep his guard up.

Peter spotted your backpack in the crowded hallway and began to make his way to you. You usually walked back to the dorms together on Mondays since your classes ended at the same time. Peter stopped walking when he saw Kevin come out of a classroom and go over to you. He kept his back against the wall as he watched you and Kevin talk, feeling insecure once again. You were laughing loudly at whatever Kevin was saying, which made Peter roll his eyes.

“See you tomorrow, okay?” Kevin asked, brushing your cheek lightly with his thumb. You smiled excitedly and put your hand over his to keep it in place. Peter felt a white hot jealousy shot through his body when he saw this, a jealousy that quickly turned or anger. It was made even worse when Kevin pulled you into a hug. Peter had seen enough at that point and walked over to you and Kevin with heavy footsteps.

“Hey.” Peter said, shooting daggers at Kevin as he put a protective hand on your shoulder.

“Hey Petey.” You smiled and leaned into him.

“Hey, Peter.” Kevin waved. “Your girlfriend is a saint, by the way. I would not have made it through this semester without her.”

“Aw.” You gushed. “Stop.”

“I wouldn’t have.” He insisted. “I wish I could stay but I better run. Austin is waiting for me.”

“Ooo la la.” You teased. “See you at rehearsal.”

“See you.” He waved goodbye to the both of you and Peter was finally able to let out the breath he’d been holding in.

“Are you ready to walk home?” You asked as you turned to Peter.

“What the hell was that?” Peter jumped in right away, surprising you with his tone.

“What do you mean?” You blinked in confusion.

“You and Kevin.” He said. “Why was he touching you like that? And why were you touching him back?”

“Kiwi was just-“

“Enough of this Kiwi shit.” Peter cut you off. “How are you going to tell me I have nothing to worry about and then let him touch and you like that?”

“He was only touching me because-“

“Because he likes you? Like I said he did?” Peter didn’t let you finish. “You guys are together all the time, you’re always talking about him, and now you’re openly affectionate right in front of me? If you’re going to cheat on me, you could be a little more subtle.”

“Cheat on you?” Your eyes widened. “I am not cheating on you. I thought we cleared this up.”

“I thought so too. But apparently not.” Peter snapped. “Apparently you and your new boyfriend just can’t keep your hands off each other.”

“Kevin is not my boyfriend. You are.” You said quietly. “But you’re really hurting my feelings, Peter. How could you accuse me of something like that?”

“How could I not? It’s not like you’re trying to hide it.” He scoffed. “If I wasn’t standing right there, he probably would have kissed you.”

“I can promise you he wouldn’t.” You said as you looked at the ground.

“I can’t believe you’re still denying it after what I saw.” Peter said, getting emotional now. “How can you throw away everything we had for a guy you just met?”

“I didn’t throw anything away.” You looked up with tears in your eyes. “You’re the one ruining things with this stupid fight. How many times do I have to tell you that there’s nothing going on between me and Kevin? And how could you accuse me of cheating? Do you really think that little of me?”

“Now that you’ve shown me who you really are, I do.” Peter shot back. You sucked in a sharp breath and took a step back from him.

“You can walk home yourself.” You said through tears. “I don’t want to talk to you ever again.”

“Fine by me.” Peter shrugged, but he was already starting to regret everything. Before he could apologize for making you cry, you walked away. He decided to give you some space instead of running after you right away. Instead, he walked in the opposite direction and began to wander around campus. And sure enough, he ran in to...

“Hey Peter.” Kevin greeted with a smile. “I thought you were walking home with Y/n?”

“She left without me.” Peter grumbled without looking up. Kevin was the very last person he wanted to talk to right now.

“Is everything okay?” Kevin asked when he noticed Peters angry demeanor.

“It’s not really any of your business.” Peter narrowed his eyes at him.

“Okay.” Kevin backed off. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine, Kevin.” Peter rolled his eyes.

“Ugh. I hate the name Kevin.” Kevin tried to lighten the mood.

“Why?” Peter took the bait.

“It’s so masculine.” He grimaced. “It’s like, ‘hey, I’m Kevin. Wanna hear how loud my car engine is?’ Please. It’s so not me.”

“Is that why Y/n calls you Kiwi?” Peter asked, genuinely curious.

“Yeah.” Kevin smiled. “Cause I’m little fruity.”

“Fruity?” Peter wondered.

“Sorry.” Kevin chuckled. “I mean gay.”

“You’re gay?” Peter’s eyes widened. “Like, gay gay?”

“Yes sir.” Kevin replied. “But I haven’t come out to everyone yet. Only Y/n and my boyfriend Austin know. I asked them not to tell anyone. I don’t need anything else for people to target me for, you know?”

Peter stared at him for a moment, feeling a panic run down his spine. He had just accused you of cheating on him with your gay best friend.

“I didn’t realize you had a boyfriend.” Peter mumbled, feeling himself begin to sweat. You endured all of Peter’s accusations to keep Kevin’s secret, and now Peter felt awful.

“Damn.” Kevin said. “Does Y/n not talk about me? I tell Austin all about her.”

“She tries. I never let her.” Peter said sadly, angry with himself now.

“Why not?”

“Because I was stupid and super jealous.” Peter sighed and rubbed his face. “I was jealous even when she told me not to be.”

“Jealous of me?” Kevin laughed. “I don’t even like girls.”

“I didn’t know that. All I knew was you could talk to her about films and movies and I couldn’t.” Peter shrugged sadly. “I kept thinking you could make her happier than I could, so I got jealous. I’m such an idiot. You know I yelled at her today because of this?”

“What do you mean?”

“I saw you touching her face in the hallway and nearly lost my mind. I completely took it out on her.” Peter stressfully tugged at his hair.

“Oh, that.” Kevin laughed. “I’m the male lead in Y/n’s film project. My character is straight and I was having trouble portraying an accurate straight guy. She was teaching me some mannerisms that you do so I could use them on my scene partner. That thing in the hallway was just me joking around and showing her that I had been practicing. I never would’ve gotten through this theater class without her.”

“Oh my God.” Peter covered his mouth with his hand. “I made her cry over that? I thought you guys were sleeping together or something. I didn’t know she was helping you.”

“Yikes.” Kevin grimaced. “That’s not really fair. It’s not like she was the one touching me. Why would you yell at her over that?”

“Because I’m an idiot.” Peter said lamely. “And I don’t listen. She told me so many times that I had nothing to worry about. She said you didn’t like her like that, said you’d never marry her. She told me you weren’t a threat in every possible way without telling me your secret. And I just didn’t listen.”

“Peter, Y/n loves you. She would never cheat on you.” Kevin said like it was obvious. “She deserves a better apology than “I’m an idiot.” If my boyfriend tried to apologize to me like that, I’d tell him he was right and dump him.”

“Do you think she’s gonna break up with me?” Peter worried.

“Well how did you end things with her?”

“She told me to never speak to her again and walked away crying.” Peter recanted.

“Oh.” Kevin said quietly.

“What?” Petwr panicked.

“The good news is she’s not gonna break up with you.” Kevin began. “The bad news is she already did.”

“What?” Peter worried. “That was her breaking up with me?”

Before Kevin could answer, his phone buzzed with a text from you. He looked at it and cringed before looking at Peter.

“Oh no.” Peter gulped. “What did she say?”

“She said she just broke up with you and needs a coffee pick me up.”

“Okay.” Peter nodded.

“She also says she hates you and you broke her heart.” Kevin continued.

“Fuck.” Peter sighed. “I really messed up.”

“Yes. You did.” Kevin nodded. “And I’m sorry, but have no sympathy for you. She told you I wasn’t a threat and she was right. We both know Y/n, and you know her even better than I do. So we both know she’s not a cheater or a liar. She’s just a film nerd who likes to talk about her passions.”

“I know. I really fucked up.” Peter mumbled. “You’re her best friend. How can I win her back?”

“Why would you ask a gay man how to win a girl back?” Kevin asked. “Fuck if I know.”

“Right. Sorry.” Peter stammered. “Did she say anything else?”

“She said she’s meeting me at Dunkin in five minutes. And then she wants to watch Pride and Prejudice. Jesus, Peter. Pride and Prejudice? How bad did you hurt her?”

“Really bad.” He feared.

“Well now I have to go clean up your mess.” Kevin sighed. “And just so you know, I will be telling her the best way to get over you is to get under someone else. It’s always been my dream to say that.”

“Please don’t do that.” Peter begged. “Don’t tell her to sleep with anyone else.”

“If you’re under him, you ain’t getting over him.” Kevin shrugged as he sent you a text.

“What?” Peter asked. “What does that mean?”

“I’m sorry, Peter. But I’m on Y/n’s side with this. I can’t help you anymore. So don’t show up, don’t come out, and definitely don’t start caring about her now.”

“Are you speaking in riddles?” Peter whispered.

“Walk away.” Kevin nodded. “You know how.”

With that, Kevin walked away and left Peter all alone.

Peter trudged back to his dorm alone and sent you a long apology. You texted him back a day later and told him you needed some space, which he understood. He let two weeks go by before knocking on your door.

“What are you doing here?” You asked when you opened the door for Peter. He could tell you had been crying and could hear a movie playing in the background.

“Apologizing to my beautiful girlfriend who’s feelings I hurt.” He said sheepishly as he held out the ice coffee he had brought you.

“I’m not your girlfriend.” You stated, eyes flicking to the ice coffee. Peter held it out further and you took it from him, grabbing a reusable straw off your dresser.

“Yes.” Peter agreed. “But for the small price of letting me in the door, you could be again.”

“Fuck off.” You scoffed and tried to close the door.

“Here me out.”Peter pleaded and stuck his foot in the door. “What if I fuck in so we can talk? Please? I really miss you.”

“I don’t miss you.” You said without missing a beat.

“You posted the lyrics to All Too Well three times this week. You have to miss me a little.” Peter reasoned.

“What are you doing here?” You sighed, knowing he was right. “I thought I told you not to talk to me.”

Peter frowned and looked around for anyone who might be listening.

“I didn’t know Kevin was gay.” He said quietly.

“He isn’t out yet.”

“I know.” Peter nodded. “He told me.”

“You talked to him?” You raised an eyebrow at him as you sipped your drink.

“Yeah. He’s a cool guy.” Peter smiled shyly. “I see why you hang out with him.”

“Yeah. He is a cool guy. He trusts me when I ask him to and doesn’t misplace his anger.” You said through a tight smile as you walked into your room. Peter followed and shut the door behind him. He saw that you were playing Little Women on your projector and had tissues strewn all around the room.

“I fucked up.” He told you. “I never should have accused you of cheating. And I shouldn’t have yelled at you. You didn’t deserve that.”

“How many times did I tell you Kevin wasn’t a threat?” You set down your drink and folded your arms. “You said he made you uncomfortable so I stopped talking about him. You said you didn’t want us to be alone all the time so I invited you to hang out with us. I did everything I could to make you feel more comfortable without outing my friend and it still wasn’t enough for you. You just don’t trust me.”

“I do trust you.” He promised. “But I was insecure and jealous, even when you told me I didn’t need to be. I couldn’t help but feel like he could be a better boyfriend to you. He can talk to you about your passions in ways I can’t. That’s why I got so mad. I felt like I couldn’t measure up.”

“No one asked you to.” You shrugged. “I never expected you to know random shit about movies. It’s just something I like. I was happy with you just the way you were.”

“And I was too blinded by my jealousy to see that.” He sighed. “I’m sorry. You told me to trust you and I didn’t. I can’t tell you how sorry I am.”

“I don’t care.” You told him. “I just want you to leave.”

“I’m scared that if I walk out, we won’t fix things.” Peter said softly.

“Good.” You said flatly. “So get out.”

Peter opened his mouth to speak, but realized he had nothing productive to add. His eyes shifted to your projector, where Little Women was still playing.

“Did you know the costume designer made the same article of clothing for Saoirse and Timothee so it could look like Jo and Laurie shared clothing?” Peter asked quietly.

“Yeah, I did know that.” You nodded. “How did you?”

“I’ve been doing research on films you like to impress you.” Peter admitted. “Did you know they used Angelina Jolie’s real daughter in Maleficent because all the other children were scared?”

“I knew that too.” You cracked the faintest hint of a smile.

“Well did you know that Psycho-“

“Was the first film to feature a toilet flushing.” You finished his sentence for him. “Yeah, I know. You googling top ten crazy movie facts isn’t gonna fix this.”

“I know.” Peter agreed. “But I hope it shows you how badly I want to try.”

You stared at Peter for a long time, unsure of what to do. You chewed your bottom lip as you mulled over your options. You knew he was sorry, but you didn’t know if you were ready to forgive him.

“You asked me to leave. I’ll listen this time. I’m sorry about everything.” Peter gave you a soft smile before turning to leave.

“Peter, wait.” You said, and he internally rejoiced.

“Yes?” He asked innocently as he turned back around.

“I made more popcorn than I can eat.” You said timidly. “You should stay and finish the movie with me so I don’t waste it.”

“Okay.” Peter smiled in relief and took a seat on your floor. You sat down next to him and handed him the bowl of popcorn.

“But just so the popcorn doesn’t go to waste.” You reminded him and he took a handful.

“No, of course.” Peter nodded, not wanting to push his luck. You stared at him for a minute as he fought back a smile, losing his battle in no time. You rolled your eyes at him before resting your head on his shoulder.

“I’m only doing this for neck support.” You told him.

“I believe you.” He answered as he wrapped an arm around you. “I love you, princess.”

“Yeah, yeah.” You smiled a little as you put some popcorn in your mouth. “Whatever.”

Tag list 🏷

@awesomebooklover17 @thebookwormlife @imanativeofswlondondahling @weirdr-artiest @serendipitous-amor @dummiesshort @foreverxholland @lavender-writer @michaela072796 @whatareyouhidingpeter @takenbyheartstrings @ultrunning @imyourliquor-youremypoison @andreasworlsboring101 @waiting-to-be-myself @letsloveimagines @peterparkoure @a-villain-vying-for-attention @justcallmehitgirl @jackiehollanderr @tiny-friggin-human @mara-twins @iamaunicorn4704 @maryjanee23 @geeksareunique @emmamarshmellow @unbelievableholland @flixndchill @sovereignparker @thisisthebiplace @spideydobrik @every-marveler-ever @undiadeestos @caelestii-e @eridanuswave @itscaminow @fiantomartell @solarxmoonchild @canyouevencauseicant @illwritetomorrow @thehappygrungelife @saysomethingspiderman @smilexcaptainx @quaksonhehe @kelieah @kickingn-ames @seasidecrowbar @lovelessdagger @love-sick-blues @electraheart-3174 @unbelievableholland @yourtypicalhotmess @spideyanakin @horanxholland @thesuitelifeofafangirl @anapocalypseinmymind @marshxx @heyheycharlatte @nooneinvitedfascistbarbie @tomshufflepuff @cookiemonstermusic258 @maybemona @alexxcorona113 @lethal-wisdom @xo-spidey @im-still-tryin-to-find-it @big-galaxy-chaos @pandaxnienke @theincredibledeadlyviper  @thestylestour  @officialsimppage @mrvelscaptains @peterbenjiparker @itsemohours @satanswitchings @okkulta @parkerlovebot @jungkxxkk @friendlyneighborhood-mendes @whatthefuckimbisexual @olixerwxxd @starkbrain @creatorofthegalaxy @sunshine-spencie @f-hollands @ilovefrogs1000 @itstaskeen @itmatteredatthetime @wrendermeuseless @amazinggracy @slutforsebstan @iprobablyshipit91 @magicalxdaydream @whereismytelephone @theonly1outof-a-billion @leilanixx @namoreno @bi-lmg @dracoswhore007 @tomhollandloml @avengers-hamiltrash @sunshinepeterparkr @gh0stgurl @so-very-asleep @veryholland @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @white-wolf1940 @spideycheles @w0nderzwndaya @fanficaddict13125 @pinklxmonade @thebestqueenoftheworld @nowayhomeparker @willowestelle @imobsessedzs @spideyspeaches @bookfrog242 @mathletemadison​ @hihiweezing​

[ohthehumanities]

29 October 2021

[Image description: Esther’s computer setup. In the center of the screen are her monitor, showing a textbook open in Calibre and an outline open in Word, and under the monitor are her black keyboard, a pen, and wireless earbuds. On the left is her laptop, which shows a studying playlist on Spotify. End ID]

Sorry for being off for so long! I was finishing a graduate class last week and starting a new one this week. I had to work on Sabbath the past two Sundays to finish my ANOVA final project. Alas!

A lot of these autumn studying questions are less like “What does Esther prefer?” and more like “What does Esther’s chronically ill body prefer?”

Autumn Studying Challenge

18th October - Sunny autumn days or rainy autumn days?

Sunny autumn days. I like the sunlight and the cold air in the morning. It’s so invigorating!

19th October - Pumpkin spice lattes or hot chocolate?

Don’t make me choose! If I had to pick one, Mexican hot chocolate. It has some of the spice of pumpkin spice lattes with the comfort of hot chocolate.

20th October - What is your usual autumn outfit?

Flannel shirts and jeans all the way!

21st October - Falling rain or a crackling fireplace?

Ouff! Can I say both? I like having both in the background. I have tinnitus (mostly taken care of by eating enough and not drinking coffee, but it’s still there sometimes), so most soft background noise is welcome.

22nd October - Pumpkin pie or apple pie?

Pumpkin. I fully take advantage of the season!

23rd October - Walk in the woods or read a book in front of the fire?

Another hard choice. But in autumn, a walk in the woods. It makes me nostalgic about my cross country days. Reading in front of the fire is also very cozy, but around here we can only do it in the winter.

24th October - Fluffy socks or slippers?

Given that I have Raynaud’s phenomenon, I use both . . . But again, to pick one, I have five or so pairs of hospital socks that I usually wear when it gets cold. Hospital socks are where it’s at.

25th October - Fireplace or bonfire?

Fireplace. Fires are cozy but open fire triggers my asthma.

26th October - Spooky mood or cozy mood?

Give me the cozy mood! I like the excitement but I like the comfort more.

27th October - Trick or treat?

Treat.

28th October - Haunted house or Halloween party?

I prefer Halloween parties, even though I don’t go to them (or to haunted houses)! Haunted houses have jump scares. I’m a little too traumatized for those.

29th October - Buy a Halloween costume or make a Halloween costume?

Make a Halloween costume! I love getting the chance to flex my creativity muscles.

Accomplishments

Submitted three grad school applications.

Read five chapters of assigned reading for Experimental Research Methods.

Took two quizzes this week.

Tasks

Read the assigned study for Experimental Research Methods.

Work on hypotheses and references for Experimental Research Methods project.

Write a reading summary for Experimental Research Methods.

Complete the Experimental Research Methods reading quiz.

Work on my Research Experience annotated bibliography.

[jordanrosenburg]

Capstone Project: Telling Your Story Through a Vlog - Part Nine

Masterpost

So many things can happen in such a short amount of time. I am excited now more than ever to teach my courses, but it has definitely taken some time to get here. I was almost told once again that I wouldn’t be able to teach, due to some accreditation things. My capstone course finishes two days before I actually begin teaching, so that was the snag. However, this is the last class in my program, so it’s all going to work out. 

The other snag I was facing, due to all of this, was being assigned my moodle courses. It took a couple of weeks, but I have them now, and I’m so excited! I have two to design. One for the four day intensive course, and one for the weekly course. I have a syllabus for both, but I need to make some scheduling changes for the second one as our semester has been shortened. My university is planning to open for Fall 2020, so we will be going from Aug. 24 - Nov. 24. Students will be able to go home for the Thanksgiving holiday and just stay there. 

I’ll be honest, I’m feeling a lot of things about going back to campus. I’m nervous enough as it is to teach for the first time, and now I’m going to be doing it in a classroom where everyone needs to wear a mask, and sit far away from each other. Not complaining about those things, I’m very pro-mask! It’s just going to be an interesting experience for everyone. 

The person running the ascent program, whom I’ve known for nearly seven years, offered to be a teaching mentor for me. I feel so honored and grateful to have so many people in corner. I got to speak with my capstone advisor a couple of weeks ago over the phone, and she was also able to put me at ease. I’ve been working on this project for almost a year, and she thinks I’m in really good shape. She gave me some feedback on my syllabus and UbD, and I will be looking at her suggestions as I begin to design my courses. I basically have a blank canvas, and I can’t wait to dive in. 

//

Today as I was working on my course shell, I realized that I still needed to do some planning. I am adding in documents and forums that make sense for now, but I realized I have some filming of my own to do. I want to make an introductory video of myself for the students. In a way to show them what I’m looking for in a video, and also because I’m aware that this course may need to be set up hybrid style. There are going to be some students in person, and some potentially will be online. I want to set up the course so it can be done fully online if need be. I think this will be good for the incoming students either way. It will help teach them a little time management. 

I realized on my syllabus I had a section where I use some time to explain the final assignment, but I have yet to make a rubric for the project itself. I remembered, though, for another course I took back in September, as I was designing a course in Canvas, I had to create rubrics for many assignments, one of them being for a vlog. I’m happy I won’t have to recreate the wheel. There will be things to change and tweak, but I’m happy I found the document with all of my sample rubrics. 

//

Yesterday I had a fantastic zoom meeting with my capstone advisor. I was able to show her my courses. We talked about making sure the assignments were connected back to the objectives of the course itself. She suggested creating a reflective journal for the students on the weeks there weren’t any forum posts. I completely agreed, and added them in.

She loved seeing my video and seeing a couple of my pictures, and suggested I add a picture for each week. She told me about unsplash so I was able to add some really great pictures in for each week. It makes the course look way better and more engaging. 

I flipped some of the weeks around, bumping up the week I talk about copyright and fair use, and I also edited the syllabus to reflect those changes. Things are getting closer and close and I could not be more excited. I just need to finish these final edits, create a reflective video of my capstone experience, and then I am done! 

//

Adding the reflective journals helped me see just how I could connect the objects for the students. I am excited to see what their responses will be. I have finished editing the course, and I am really happy with it. 

The other day I filmed my capstone journey and talked about everything that led up to the project itself, and the gap I am trying to fill. That can be watched here. 

My last task was to create a bibliography, which I decided to annotate to explain how those sources have helped me. This has been an exceptional journey, and I’m glad I blogged about it so I can go back and see how far I’ve come. 

[petuniatom]

No. 1 Party Anthem [1] | College!Tom AU

Pairing: College!DJ!Bartender/Barista!Tom Holland x Fem!Reader

Series Summary: You’re coming up on your last year of college, grappling with finally getting ready for the actual “adult” world and being in two majors you’re not crazily passionate about. When you’re in the middle of a stressful essay at your favorite local coffee shop/upstairs bar, Dommo’s, you meet Tom Holland, a barista and bartender. 

You slowly get to know each other over sangria, and soon enough manage to slip your way into his world where the days don’t usually end until about 5 a.m., music is everything, and uncertainty is your best friend.

A story about late night laments, sangria, and a whole lot of growing up.

SERIES MASTERLIST | Ch. 2

Word count: 4.5K (short and sweet for now, but we’ll get in some longer chapters soon enough)

A/N: Welcome to my new series! I’m dropping this chapter a lil bit earlier than expected! I’m really excited for this one, and I’ve been cooking it up for a while. This series is going to be split up into two major parts: fall 2018 and spring 2019. This is chapter one of fall 2018! So we’ve got a long story ahead, and lots of character development to come. In the mean time, leave your thoughts. Chapter two of part one will hopefully be out by Monday :-)

“That’s why I’m standing on the overpass screaming at myself HEY I WANNA GET BETTER!” you sang along loudly in the car, speeding along the street with your best friend Tony in the passenger seat.

You were both on your way back to your apartment complex, enjoying the autumn air as you let your car’s windows stay open just a crack and the tunes of your mutual favorite campus DJ. It was about a month into the semester and the stress was mildly starting to hit you, but you were momentarily celebrating the start of the weekend. For a moment, it felt perfect — a drive, a best friend, and a good song.

“All right everyone that was ‘I Wanna Get Better’ by Bleachers, cos some of the first grades of the semester are coming in and well… it’s not looking too optimistic for us over here in this booth for sure,” the radio host said. You and Tony both chuckled in the car. “I’m afraid we’re about to wrap up. But our good friends Aurora and Quentin are about to take over and you’ll be in good hands. Thanks for tuning into ‘Across the Pond.’ I’m Dutch.”

“And I’m Haz,” the other host said.

“And we’ll see you next week. In the meantime, here’s ‘Learning to Fly’ by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers.”

And like that, another song drifted onto the radio, and you and Tony began to relax to the soothing sound of Tom Petty’s voice.

“This is the only radio show I ever listen to,” you commented lightly. “They’re always surprising with their music tastes, but like, never in a bad way.”

Tony nodded his head. “It’s kind of refreshing. Remember when ‘Cum Talk’ had this slot?”

You groaned and rolled your eyes. “Do I ever. I can’t believe they were able to get away with that title.”

“Or their shitty content,” Tony mused. Then suddenly, “Hey are you coming out with Jacob and I tonight?”

You shook your head. “Nah, I’ve got this paper I have to finish.”

Tony frowned. “It’s Friday? Can’t you just save it for the weekend? C’mon dude, there’s gonna be free jello shots!”

You tried not to gag. Though you were always down for a good jello shot, it always inevitably left you incredibly hungover and reeling the next morning. 

“Nah, it’s due at midnight because I’m a lameass who didn’t do it earlier in the week. So, I’m gonna head over to Dommo’s tonight and finish it up.”

Tony shook his head. “Whatever, you suck.”

You stuck your tongue out at him and he waved you off. “C’mon, I know it sucks but I’ll go out with you guys next time.”

“You’re our fellow weekend warrior, Y/N! It’s not the same without you!”

You laughed, remembering part of some of the other antics you and your best friends Tony and Jacob had gotten up to over the course of the past few years. It’d been nice to always be one of the boys, taking vodka shots with them at wild house parties and always managing to come back with one crazy story of the night. It was weird to think that in another year or so you’d all be done with college and off in different parts of the world, where you most likely wouldn’t have as much of the fun stories from the weekend to tell as you would have liked.

“It’ll be all right,” you replied. “Why don’t you invite your third roommate instead? It’s always the quiet ones that are the most fun.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “If he ever comes home. I swear I haven’t seen him in about a week.”

You frowned. “Is he okay?”

“Yeah, he’s fine. This guy just has one the busiest and most odd schedules I’ve ever seen. I don’t know. I don’t know too much about him because he’s never home for us to actually get to know him.”

“Well, maybe you should text him and ask him if he wants to come out with you both, then you can get to know him. He sounds cool from what Jacob has told me.” And because you were with Tony, you couldn’t resist throwing in a teasing quip. “And I bet with that busy schedule he’s got some pretty cool friends. We could use more of those around here.”

“Oh shut up,” he said, laughing. “I’m mad you’re not coming out with us though, you gotta come next week for, when we have our first Whine and Wine at the new apartment. We’re going to be griping about our first grades, it’ll be fun.”

Whine and Wines were a tradition in your friend group. The rules were for everyone to bring their own glass and bottle of wine, so everyone could switch around what they were drinking at the party. They were always on a weekday night when things were not incredibly busy for everyone, but it was far enough in the week for everyone to have at least one thing to complain about. While it was always a more calm, laid-back gathering, you enjoyed it, mostly because they got everyone in your friend group to open up with each other. Besides, you didn’t mind all the wine you got to drink.

“I’ll be there for that one for sure. I have a hell of a lot to complain about. Might fuck around and bake a cake too while I’m at it.”

“Oh please get us a cake for the first Whine and Wine. It’s the only good idea I think you’ve ever had.”

You hit him playfully in the arm, and pulled up to his apartment. As he excited you called out, “See you tomorrow loser! Mimosas at mine!”

He turn around and gave you a thumbs up. “That’s not if I’m too fucking drunk from tonight!”

****

Gotta get this done, you’d thought, typing furiously on your computer onto a word document in front of you.

You were slightly aware that everyone in this coffee shop was glancing over at you. You’d been used to your loud-typing inciting some speculative looks whenever you’d study in libraries, but you’d learned to ignore it so much after a while.

This 12-page paper was due by midnight and you didn’t realize earlier exactly how much work you had to put into this thing. It wasn’t the worst assignment you’d ever had; you’d done far longer papers before. But the stress and anxiety was swirling around in your brain and it felt like the end of the world for you.

You already had an annotated bibliography and a rough outline prepped. Now, all that mattered was actually getting it finished.

You were so close to the end, so close to your cut-off point when you’d heard some cheers be incited from upstairs. A group of fellow college students slowly shuffled down the stairs, practically barking at each other.

You should have known that this would happen in Dommo’s of all places. It was a Friday night after all. But this was your favorite coffee shop in town, and yeah, maybe they did have an upstairs bar that could be a little bit distracting at times, but you always came here for the nice, specialty lattés.

You tried to keep your gaze fixated on your screen, blocking out the outside noise.

Of course, the universe didn’t want that for you.

“You all right there?”

You glanced up, catching the gaze of a Dommo’s employee, who had a rag in one hand and an empty coffee mug in the other. You perked up even a little bit more of at the hint of the accent he had. He sounded British.

“Fine, thank you,” you said, allowing yourself to flash him a quick smile.

He nodded his head. “All right, let me know if you need anything. I’m mostly going to be working upstairs now, so if you need any more coffee just let me know.”

He started treading away, back over to the counter to clean up a bit more, and you glanced around, suddenly surprised.

You were the only person left downstairs.

You checked the time. It was still well within Dommo’s hours, so you weren’t intruding by any means. But you couldn’t help suddenly feeling a bit weird and uncomfortable downstairs.

You were frazzled as your eyes returned to your screen. Admittedly, you were a bit jealous of all the people upstairs. You had to mute your notifications earlier when you saw messages from Jacob and Tony, both discussing this house party on the east side of town tonight that they were at. It was mostly Tony teasing you about all the jello shots you were currently missing out on, and you got a nice photo of Jacob pouring out a drink in your honor. While they were shotgunning beer, you were chugging down cups of coffee to keep you fueled.

When you’d finally finished the paper, you practically cheered to yourself. All you needed was someone to do a quick readover to catch any grammatical mistakes you made. Then, you glanced up at the time. It was 11:35 p.m.

Fuck.

You wouldn’t have enough time to find someone who could look over it.

Unless…

“Hey, I know this is a bit weird, but would you mind reading over my paper for me?” you called out to the coffee shop employee that had asked you if you were okay earlier.

He glanced up at you, amusement etched across his face. But he said, “Yeah, sure,” and you quickly scurried over to him with your laptop.

“What’s this for?” he asked, glancing over at you across the counter as you set your laptop in front of him.

“A political science class, just on like, how voter laws are causing issues in states across the country,” you explained.

He nodded his head, his eyes moving along the lines of your own words. He came to a brief pause, then asked you, “Mind if I... ?” His hands were looming over your keyboard, and you understood what he was asking.

“Oh yeah, go ahead, do whatever needs to be done,” you said, waving it off. “It’s due by midnight, though, so I’m in a bit of a rush here.”

He nodded his head, quickly typing to fix whatever mistake he’d noticed at that moment.

For the most part, it continued that way for a few more minutes. You toyed with your cell phone, trying not to make him feel uncomfortable by staring at him. You heard him type on your own computer, your lips curling up a little bit when you realized he was a fellow loud-typer.

He was brisk. Soon enough, he turned his laptop back over to you and said, “I just skimmed over it. Fixed a few things, but for the most part I think you’re good.”

You let a long sigh of relief when you realized you still had about ten minutes left to turn it in. “Oh my god, thank you so much. I’ve been stressing about this thing all day.”

You pulled up your professor’s portal to turn into the paper, feeling victory wash over you as you uploaded the final document. When you got a confirmation message, you cheerily closed your laptop.

“I can’t believe you had to write a 12-page paper already,” the employee remarked. “We’re only about a month into school.”

“It’s a 500-level class,” you moped. “I think that’s why.”

He frowned. “That sucks. I’m sorry. And it sucks that you had to do this on a Friday night too, but at least you can go out with your friends or something now.”

You gave him a soft smile, returning your laptop into your backpack by the back table. “I wish. I think I’m a little bit too burnt for a party though. I’m thinking about just going back home and watching a movie, maybe drinking some wine or something.”

He nodded his head. For a minute, he looked like he was debating something before finally saying, “How ‘bout this? I have some sangria I made earlier today, and I’ll let you have some of it for free. It sounds like you’ve had a long day and could use some of it.”

Your eyebrows peaked with interest. “Can you do that?”

“Yeah, you’re over 21 right?” You nodded your head. “Then, yeah, we’re good. C’mon up. I was pretty much done down here anyway.”

You followed the employee up the stairs to the bar, your backpack slung behind your back. As you entered the upstairs area, you noticed that most of the crowd had settled down, leaving just a few people around in the room. Granted, since it was Friday, this didn’t surprise you. Dommo’s Upstairs brand was all about being a morning cocktail spot and the place you’d go to cry into a peach pale ale during the school week. It was more of a pre-game spot, than an active party spot in town. You figured most of the town at this point in the night was now starting the actual party portion and heading out to all the wild gatherings on the other side of town.

You set yourself up at the bar as the employee who had treated you so kindly went around the corner and prepped a glass of sangria for you.

“I never asked your name,” you commented lightly, accepting the glass of sangria with a grateful smile. “What is it?”

He smiled. “I’m Tom.”

“Y/N,” you introduced, waving slightly. “And you go to college here too?” He nodded his head. “What are you studying?”

“Theater and finance.” You raised an eyebrow and he lightly chuckled. “I know, it’s an odd combination. But I love acting, and finance is just kind of my back-up if nothing quite pans out. What about you?”

“I’m political science and economics. So lots of crying and wishing the best for my prospective career.”

Tom laughed. “Well, I can definitely relate to that. But it seems like you have quite the workload a lot of the time and you’re handling it pretty well, so”

“Dude I deadass just wrote a 12-page paper today due at midnight, I’m the worst at handling it,” you replied, slightly chuckling.

“That’s impressive! I would honestly have gotten flustered up and somehow made this elaborate excuse to turn it in late.”

“Honestly, that might have been a better idea, at least for the sake of enjoying the weekend,” you mused. “See I’m incompetent!” You took a sip of the sangria finally, pleased with its taste. “This is really good. You made this?”

He nodded his head. “It’s my own recipe.”

“Can I have that recipe?”

His eyes glimmered. “M’afraid that’s a secret love.”

“Oh whatever,” you replied in a playful tone. You took another sip. “But anyway, theater and finance. How do you balance that?”

He shook his head. “I also don’t really. But I think since I love acting so much it kind of feels like a nice break from the rest of the craziness that’s involved with finance, you know? Like the math can stress me out that’s associated with finance, but since these two majors are almost what feels like on the opposite side of the spectrum at times, they can kind of alleviate one another.” He shrugged. “I don’t know if that made much sense.”

“No, it did. That’s nice. I’ve never really felt that. Political science and econ I feel like have a lot of the same people most of the time, so even though they’re different majors, it’s just like the same type crowd anyway. And even though I think poli-sci is more liberal arts-esque in a way than economics, they still kind of interweave with one another. I don’t know. It’s weird to explain, but like, just all together it can be annoying.”

“Do you like your major though? It seemed like you were kind of into it when you were slamming on your keyboard down the stairs. ”

You shrugged. “It’s all right. I don’t know. And I was only slamming on my keys because I was in a rush and type loudly to begin with, so I don’t know if that’s the best measurement of my passion for it! Honestly, I would rather do something like creative writing, but… You know, stability is important so I strayed away from it.”

Tom shrugged. “I mean, you’re talking to the guy who is studying theater here soooo.” You laughed. “But why didn’t you do that instead? Or like, at least get a minor in it? Is it your parents or something?”

“Isn’t that always what it is?” You took another sip out of your sangria, still impressed by the taste. You might just down this whole glass and another, then have to walk home instead. “I mean like, parents and I don’t know, this weird thing happened my senior year of high school where I started telling people I was interested in creative writing, and they’d always give me those fucking lectures about the future. And so, I don’t know, it made me change my mind. And I can just creatively write in my spare time, right? And like I said, poli-sci and econ aren’t bad or anything; I enjoy them. It’s not what I’m most passionate about, but I care about them still in a way.”

Tom nodded his head. “That’s fair. I remember those talks too from over in England from all the adults. Though, they stopped caring about my major as much when they learned I was leaving the country to study, and then it became a, ‘Are you really sure you want to leave your family behind?’ type deal.” He rolled his eyes. “It was all total bullshit. Want more sangria?”

Oh, you hadn’t even noticed you were close to being done. You nodded your head and passed the glass back over to him. And while he poured another glass, your mind traced back over what you’d just spilled to Tom in the past few minutes. It usually took you awhile to admit these kind of things, especially your insecurity about your own major, to your friends. Yet somehow, this British boy you’d met at your favorite bar and coffee shop managed to sneak that information out of you with ease.

You weren’t sure if it was the sangria, your stress, or him that got you talking. But either way, you were suddenly embarrassed for pouring out so much to this random stranger. He was handling it well, but you figured it might be better to transfer to a lighter topic. At least, one that you wouldn’t immediately regret opening up about in the morning.

“So, Dommo’s huh? What’s it like?”

Tom grinned as he passed you back a glass. “S’all right. I usually do the early morning shifts, and apart from the work rush, it’s normally empty so I can do homework or something. Plus, it lets me get creative with my bartending and by being a barista, so it’s always kind of neat when you try something new out and it becomes the specialty drink.”

“I’m sure it’s handy for parties and stuff with your friends too. And if you’re doing the morning shift you get all this shit to work with to make a cup of coffee before class.”

Tom chuckled to himself. “Yeah, I’ve been known to be the bartender friend of the group, so I’m almost always on drink-duty.” He stared at you for a long moment. “You should come ‘round, the next time we have a party or something. I think if you like my sangria, you’d like my mixed drinks too. I’ve been known to make a good gin & tonic every now and then.”

You raised your eyebrows appraisingly. And that’s when it hit you — this bartender was subtly trying to flirt with you.

You eyed him for a second. He was pretty damn cute. If you hadn’t been in your complete anxious haze earlier, you might of hit on him when you first walked in. Now, that you were out of it, well…

“Yeah, I think I’d be down for that sometime. I mean, just let me know when and where, and I’ll find a way to get there.”

Tom grinned and you realized that your earlier plans of sulking at home this evening were already cancelled.

Four glasses of sangria later, you were sufficiently drunk. Dommo’s Upstairs had pretty much emptied out, and the other bartender was heading back, leaving just you and Tom in there. You glanced up at the clock, noting that it was 1:30 a.m. Had you really been talking to Tom for that long? How had all that time fly by?

You checked your phone, noting a whole flux of texts from Tony and Jacob that you hadn’t read yet. They were mostly asking how your paper went, though there were many typos in the messages from the duo. You knew your friends were just as drunk — if not more drunk — than you were.

“You all right there?” Tom asked.

You glanced up, smiling. “Yeah, m’friends, they’re just super drunk. Those fuckers can’t even type right now.” Your words were slurring together and you laughed at yourself.

“And you’re obviously in pristine condition,” he joked.

You feigned offense. “I’ve never been drunk in my life, Tom!”

“Okayokay, you’re right.” He lifted his hands up in defense, chuckling. “Now, how are you getting home tonight dear?”

“I live not too far, so I’m just going to walk back I think.”

Tom cocked his head. “You sure you don’t have a friend who is sober you can call or something? Or I can call you a Lyft, but it’d be safest for you to call someone you knew really well.”

You frowned. “Well, Jacob and Tony are both drunk. I have some gal pals that might be able to, but… not anyone I’m super close with. I don’t know.”

Tom thought for a long second, then said, “If you’re comfortable with it, I could drive you. But only if you’re comfortable with it. We just met so I would totally get any uneasiness you’d have here.”

You grinned. “Tom, we’re like, best friends now! That’s super okay.”

He laughed at your exclamation, and nodded his head. “All right, we close at 2 a.m. I’ll start cleaning up early so we can leave immediately. You just hang out, all right?”

You nodded your head in agreement.

As Tom shuffled around the bar, setting everything in motion, you began to sing along again to “Learning to Fly” by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. The song had been stuck in your head ever since you’d heard it on the radio this afternoon.

“I'm learning to fly, but I ain't got wings.”

“Coming down is the hardest thing,” Tom sang out from across the room. “Dude, I love that song.”

“It’s been stuck in my head all day,” you said. “Ever since I heard it on the radio this morning, Do you listen to ‘Across the Pond?’ You might like it.”

Tom seemed smug at your response. You raised an eyebrow. “I actually host it,” he admitted. “With my friend Harrison.”

You nearly dropped the glass of sangria you were nursing.

“Are you Dutch? Holy fuck. My friends and I listen to the show all the time. I love it.”

He beamed. “You do? I wasn’t sure if anyone was really paying attention to us.”

“Are you kidding me? Like half the campus is in love with you guys. Everyone I know listens. You’ve got the best taste in music out of all the shows. Remember Cum Talk?”

Tom gagged a little bit. “That show was absolute shit. I don’t know how they got that slot last year.”

“Exactly! No one liked it! But seriously, when you guys did your first episode, my friend and I were hooked on the show immediately.”

Tom’s smile grew. “Well, I’ll have to tell Harrison. We both thought we were shouting into the void for a while there.” He cleared his throat. “I’m gonna go grab something from the back room though really quick, then I’m ready to go. It’s just my jacket and keys.”

You nodded your head, waiting patiently and replying to more of Jacob and Tony’s texts. He came back out after a few seconds, now with a denim jacket around his shoulders and a set of keys in his hand. “Ready to go? I just gotta lock up.”

You nodded your head. “Let’s go, m’kinda tired.”

Tom quickly locked up both the upstairs and downstairs of Dommo’s. He was parallel parked right in front of the shop, and you were grateful he offered you a ride back in your inebriation. You hadn’t realize it was so chilly outside and you knew you would barely survive the short walk back to your apartment.

There were other drunk college students wandering around downtown. There was one small group in particular the two of you passed in Tom’s car, loudly singing “All Star” by Smashmouth and you couldn’t help laughing. In the back of your head, you realized faintly this was truly going to be your last school year to be a part of all of this. Even though you knew you could always go out to bars, drink and have fun, you had the terrible suspicion things wouldn’t just quite be the same. The thought made you incredibly sad.

“Hey, you still holding up okay?” Tom asked.

You nodded your head. “Just thinking bout how this is my last year is all.” You let out a long sigh. “I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do after this. Oh, fuck, turn left here.”

Tom quickly turned the car, having you glide to the side of the seat. Your apartment complex was now in sight.

“Hey, it’s okay, none of us really do,” Tom said.

But he didn’t get it, since he still didn’t know you well enough. Even though you were the friend who enjoyed to go out — one of the so-called “weekend warriors” — you were also the friend of the group who always had it together. You prided in being functional and having a plan. Now, when it came to life after college, you only felt concern.

He came to a stop in front of your building.

“I didn’t know you lived so close to me,” Tom said, changing the topic effectively. “I’m actually in the same complex a few buildings down from you.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Well, you should come over and visit some time then.”

Tom studied you for a long moment in the car. You bit your lip, feeling like maybe he’d just lean over and kiss you right then and there. After the long night of discussion, you thought maybe he’d make the move it felt like he was slowly nudging toward all night.

But instead he said, “Well, thanks for sticking around. I’ll see you sometime again.”

You tried to stuff down your disappointment and said a simple, “Okay, yeah. I’ll see ya.”

You exited the car, giving one last glance back over at Tom. He looked so good. You felt this excitement creep up on you, as you thought of all the possibilities and all the adventures you could have with this person you’d just opened up so easily to in Dommo’s this evening. 

It wasn’t until you walked back up the stairs into your own apartment that you realized you never actually got his phone number.

[portiaphotographer-blog]

The Web We Want: Jeremy Bailey and New Media Art

December 11, 2018

Professors Cara Tierney & Julia Martin

ART 3116A

Thesis and Annotated Bibliography

Portia Lavallée

Links That May Help Contextualize This Essay: 

http://jeremybailey.net/

https://ca.linkedin.com/in/jeremy-bailey-0327052

https://www.youtube.com/user/jeremybailey06

Jeremy Bailey has a critical approach to art production, to engage with the elitist mainstream art world he strategically uses humour as a tool to parody, satirize and subvert their conventions and traditions. One of Bailey’s main tropes is the shameless self-promotion of his art practice and himself over the internet. Calling himself “Famous New Media Artist Jeremy Bailey,”  allows him to create a humorous narrative about the effects the often impersonal nature of the internet has had on social culture. Although Bailey’s practice is, ironically, largely internet-based performance through video, he also performs and shows his work in galleries all over the world. A major part of Bailey’s performance involves coding reactionary programs that allow the computer to become part of his work.1  

With his technology-centred approach toward interactivity, Bailey has adopted a method of making contemporary art that successfully questions the institutional framework of the traditional gallery and museum space. Bailey did this by: 1) creating interactive technology which not only utilized but influenced popular internet culture and social media and 2) by acting as an art-activist who challenges the ‘cannon’ of art and strives for inclusivity within the art world. Bailey’s practice, after its initial experimental stage has been strategically played, if not planned. With the help of his alter-ego based on his real, and less “famous”, self Bailey carefully executes every aspect of his performance.

Bailey’s elaborate performance and practice is based on the New Media art movement within which he has placed himself. Artists began working with technology in their homes as early as the 1940s and ‘50s; many of these experimented with military technology and their goal was to create “exciting new forms of artistic expression.”2 By the 1960s this form of experimentation became more institutional and artists began working with “computing technology” in American and European universities.3  By the 1990s the movement had grown in great significance and dialogue inevitably occurred between those within the traditional art-academic and gallery space, collectively they named the movement “new media art”.4

Bailey’s decision to identify as a New Media artist is best understood in the context of his artistic practice. Bailey started working over the internet around 2003 when he began to post video clips of interactive software he was working on, in the early stages of its creation, over YouTube. By working with the software over social media Bailey provided a level of accessibility to his work that few other formally trained artists had done in the past. Although many artists had begun to show their work on the internet, the gallery was still thought of as the primary place to experience art. In contrast, Bailey’s work was largely designed to be experienced over the media of the internet and his performative involvement essential. Showing his work to an online audience allowed him to remove the elitism of the gallery experience and question the idea that the museum and gallery space is the only legitimate space to host art; however Bailey’s way of working has not been without backlash.

Julian Stallabrass gives reasons for this backlash in his satirical essay Can Art History Digest Net Art. He talks about how art history is separate from other forms of history in “that it describes not merely an institutional category, or even a particular kind of human activity, but that it also carries with it a judgement about quality.”5 Stallabrass also explains that one of the main critiques of internet art, is that its accessibility makes it a lesser form of art than that which is found in the museum and gallery space; this is the same thing, that in my opinion, frees internet art from arbitrary institutional judgements about what constitutes art.6 

These judgments are largely why Bailey, being the well educated artist that he is,  strategically participates in the movement through the character of his alter-ego. Bailey’s alter-ego allows him to seriously challenge the state of the traditional art world yet do so in a palatable enough manner that he has been accepted into circles that may have otherwise shunned him. Bailey’s MFA with a specialization in Art Video from Syracuse University and a history of residencies all over the world allow him to operate from an art historical perspective. Kholief identify’s Bailey with a small group of internet artists whose use their alter-egos to create a critical narrative online, often using parody to question the ‘cannon’ of art.7 Kholeif notes the effectiveness of this strategy when he states that “mockumentary and mock-narrative practices have long been used as postmodern methods of critiquing culture, as comedic tools to subvert hegemonic discourses, and as props to interrogate artist practices”.8  I think that what makes Bailey’s work so interesting is that it does all three. With his work Bailey carefully questions the power of the internet and its potential to provide artistic freedom and enslave the masses. Bailey is also critical of the elitist power structures that divide high and low art and questions their legitimacy. 

While working over the internet Bailey has in many ways fed the culture he has relentlessly critiqued. The creation of his interactive software has not been without consequences. Many writes have assumed that Bailey “works over snapchat” while in reality he contributed to the apps technological innovation albeit against his will. Snapchat lenses are in actuality the result of Bailey’s technological genius. Bailey’s reactionary programs were “developed while at the Shargorod residency in Ukraine” in 2009.9 In 2010, he released a video that he had been working on using an antiquated version of the program that now makes up a large part of his practice, while Snapchat was not even in existence until September 2011. Additionally, Snapchat “lenses” were not released until September 15, 2015.10 It is interesting to note that he in fact has not co-opted existing programs but has been in many ways been a cultural creator.

Bailey’s work The Web I Want, released in 2015, may be a stab at Snapchat’s appropriation of his software. Software which is rumoured Snapchat tried to purchase to no avail. Bailey’s clear refusal and the subsequent intellectual property theft which resulted appear to be subversively addressed in the hilarious narrative of his YouTube video. Bailey begins The Web I Want with ever-so-subtle-sarcasm “so excited to be here...to present new, new ideas to you really” he quips. “When I thought about the internet we want I thought, well what do I want? What do I need, I really need more people to pay attention to me I decided. I looked around, everyone is on their devices...the internet is very successful, I’m very happy for you internet great job! But now what about me?” Bailey asks.11 Then Bailey jokingly comments about how he decided what consumers of the internet need is a screen on their bodies, poking fun at Snapchat’s decision to appropriate his work in order to make cheap entertainment for the masses.12 The fact that his comments are subversive protects Bailey’s ‘freedom of speech’ which is realizes is to a point a fallacy. 

Bailey is fond of using satire and parody as weapons which allow him to act as an art-activist and push for a more inclusive art-world. “‘In my world of media art, there's a bit of a boys club going on’” Bailey says attributing this to “‘male ego”’.13 Seeking to disrupt elitist tendencies by showing just how absurd they can be Bailey often creates art that mocks the lack of inclusion in the art world.  Bailey’s Penis Paint interactive program is one way he has subversively addressed the exclusive nature of the art world. 

In Bailey performative work he asks women to perform on stage while fitted with a large strap-on, soon they find that the thrusting motions of their hips translate to “brushstrokes” on a large screen in front of them.14 The work shows that it is ridiculous that the act of attaching penises to women somehow gives them the right to participate creativity.15 Yet, historically masculinity has  been a large reason for the exclusivity of the art world and the lack of female representation in it. Bailey wished to challenge this with his work. Because of the humorous nature of the work it allows those who operate in the art world to consider Bailey’s point without the conflict that a serious political discussion might create. Thus in this way Bailey’s use of satire and parody are safer tools for discussion. However, does Bailey play it too safe now that he has been accepted into the space of which he is critical? 

Early in Bailey’s practice his brand of art-activism was almost entirely performed over the media of the internet. However, eventually throughout the course of his career, Bailey, like many artists who historically pushed against the institutional framework of their time, quickly moved from being an outsider to an insider. This leads one to question if the many opportunities which have been presented to Bailey have changed his modus operandi, especially since his work began appearing in galleries all over the world. Yet, it is important to consider that if money, acceptance, or fame were going to influence how Bailey operated as an artist, he would have accepted ‘corporate funding’ though Snapchat rather than worry about his authenticity as an artist. Instead, though Bailey has grown in maturity as an artist, his method of working has essentially stayed the same.  

For Bailey it is essential that his ideology is as much as part of his work as it first was. Although his art has evolved and the internet with it, Bailey still questions the institutional framework he operates within by challenging the perceived superiority of the gallery and museum space. In addition, he questions the elitism of the art world by looking honestly at who is included or excluded from that world and why. In Nail Art Museum Bailey uses his hands and nails as the gallery space to display plinths with art historical works.16 He asks himself and thus his audience how art has changed after the internet and subtly pushes them to consider how the internet can be a gallery space in its own right.17 However, for those that desire to hold on to this elitism the internet is  far too accessible a space; perhaps, because the internet effectively renders the boundaries between ‘high’ and ‘low’ art invisible and gives those who may not otherwise be a part of the elitist facade a chance to participate. 

 Endnotes:

1. Kristin Trethewey, “Famous New Media Artist Jeremy Bailey Finds Facts Funnier Than Fiction,” Creators, February 17, 2012, Accessed October 13, 2018, https://creators.vice.com/en_us/article/qkz7bm/famous-new-media-artist-jeremy-bailey-finds-facts-funnier-than-fiction.

2. James J. Hodge and Jacob Gaboury. "New Media Art,” Oxford Bibliographys, April 28, 2017. Accessed October 13, 2018, http://www.oxfordbibliographies.com.proxy.bib.uottawa.ca/view/document/obo-9780199791286/obo-9780199791286-0110.xml

3. Ibid.

4. Ibid. Yet the conversation space was not traditional as many of these conversations took place over Nettime.org and Rhizome.org see Ibid. for more information.

5. Julian Stallabrass,“Can Art History Digest Net Art?” In Netpioneers 1.0 — Contextualizing Early Net Based Art, edited by Dieter Daniels and Gunther Reisinger, 170. Sternberg Press. 2010.

6. Ibid.,172-175.

7. Omar Kholeif, “The New Self,” In Goodbye World! Looking at Art in the Digital Age, 122, Sternberg Press, 2018.

8. Ibid., 124.

9. “Public Sculpture,” Performed by Jeremy Bailey, YouTube, February 28, 2018, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=avtYNFqspew. There are also other works that predate this that show even earlier attempts at making the technology work. See YouTube.

10. Alex Heath,“I tried Snapchat's trippy new selfie filters and found some other big changes, ” Business Insider, September 15, 2015, https://www.businessinsider.com/snapchats-new-selfie-filters-2015-9. & Jesse Wojdylo, “When Did Snapchat Lenses (Face Filters) Come Out?” Wojdylo Social Media, December 25, 2016, http://wojdylosocialmedia.com/snapchat-lenses-face-filters-release/.

11. “The Web I Want,” Performed by Jeremy Bailey, YouTube, June 7, 2015, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9eJKUzeIvLE. See YouTube.

12. Ibid.

13. “2015 UCLA Game Art Festival: hands-on at The Hammer,” UWIRE Text, (2015): 1. GALE InfoTrac.,Accessed November 5, 2018, http://go.galegroup.com.proxy.bib.uottawa.ca/ps/i.do?&id=GALEA434956980&v=2.1&u=otta 77973&it=r&p=AONE&sw=w

14. Ibid. 

15. Ibid.

16. “Nail Art Museum.” Performed by Jeremey Bailey. YouTube. June 19, 2014. Accessed October 13, 2018. https://www.youtube.com/user/jeremybailey06.

17. Ibid. 

Bibliography:

“2015 UCLA Game Art Festival: hands-on at The Hammer.” UWIRE Text, (2015): 1. GALE InfoTrac. Accessed November 5, 2018.http://go.galegroup.com.proxy.bib.uottawa.ca/ps/ i.do?&id=GALE|A434956980&v=2.1&u=otta77973&it=r&p=AONE&sw=w

“About Famous New Media Artist Jeremy Bailey.” Tumblr. Accessed October 13, 2018. http://jeremybailey.tumblr.com/.

“‘I Was Raised On The Internet,’ Impact Of The Internet On Our Contemporary World At The Museum Of Contemporary Art (MCA)” Accessed on November 5, 2018 http:// www.Artjaws.Com/En/I-Was-Raised-On-The-Internet-Impact-Of-Internet-On-Our- Contemporary-World-At-The-Museum-Of-Contemporary-Art-Chicago/". 2018. ARTJAWS. http://www.artjaws.com/en/i-was-raised-on-the-internet-impact-of- internet-on-our-contemporary-world-at-the-museum-of-contemporary-art-chicago/.

Heath, Alex.“I tried Snapchat's trippy new selfie filters and found some other big changes.” Business Insider. September 15, 2015. https://www.businessinsider.com/snapchats-new- selfie-filters-2015-9

“Jeremy Bailey: Famous New Media Art Patent Office.” New Exhibitions Museum. Accessed October 13, 2018. https://www.newmuseum.org/exhibitions/view/jeremy-bailey-famous- new-media-art-patent-office.

“Jeremy Bailey.” Pari Nadimi Gallery. Accessed October 13, 2018. https://www.parinadimi gallery. com/jeremy-bailey

“The Web I Want.” Performed by Jeremey Bailey. YouTube. June 7, 2015. Accessed October 13, 2018. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=40pSU5ZM784

“Nail Art Museum.” Performed by Jeremey Bailey. YouTube. June 19, 2014. Accessed October 13, 2018. https://www.youtube.com/user/jeremybailey06.

“Public Sculpture,” Performed by Jeremy Bailey. YouTube. February 28, 2018. https://www. youtube.com/watch?v=avtYNFqspew. 

Cooley, A. (2015, Fall). CLICK PERFORMANCE. Canadian Art, 32, 90-90,22. Accessed November 5, 2018. https://search-proquest-com.proxy.bib.uottawa.ca/docview/1719434062?accountid=14701

Hodge, James J., and Jacob Gaboury. "New Media Art." Oxford Bibliographys, April 28, 2017.Accessed October 13, 2018. http://www.oxfordbibliographies.com.proxy.bib. uottawa.ca/view/document/obo-9780199791286/obo-9780199791286-0110.xml

Kholeif, Omar “The New Self.” In Goodbye World! Looking at Art in the Digital Age, 121-132. Sternberg Press. 2018

Martin, Colin. 2016. "“YOU NO LONGER NEED YOUR PRE-INTERNET BRAIN”." The Lancet Neurology 15 (11): 1127-1127. Accessed November 5, 2018. https://journals-scholarsportal-info.proxy.bib.uottawa.ca/details/14744422/v15i0011/1127_nlnypb.xml

Molloy, Mark. “Who owns Snapchat and when was it created?” The Telegraph. July 25, 2017. https://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/0/owns-snapchat-created/

Rose, Frank. 2018. "Young Digital Artists, Anxious About ... Technology". New York Times. https://www.nytimes.com/2017/07/24/arts/design/sothebys-digital-artists-bunker.html.

Sandals, Leah. "Jeremy Bailey Aims at Change with Important Portraits." Canadianart. May 22, 2013. Accessed October 13, 2018. https://canadianart.ca/reviews/jeremy-bailey/.

Stallabrass, Julian “Can Art History Digest Net Art?” In Netpioneers 1.0 — Contextualizing Early Net Based Art, edited by Dieter Daniels and Gunther Reisinger, 165-179. Sternberg Press. 2010.

Trethewey, Kristin. “Famous New Media Artist Jeremy Bailey Finds Facts Funnier Than Fiction.” Creators. February 17, 2012. Accessed October 13, 2018. https:// creators.vice.com/en_us/article/qkz7bm/famous-new-media-artist-jeremy-bailey- finds-facts-funnier-than-fiction.

Wojdylo, Jesse. “When Did Snapchat Lenses (Face Filters) Come Out?” Wojdylo Social Media. December 25, 2016. http://wojdylosocialmedia.com/snapchat-lenses-face-filters-release/

[von-ranke-blog]

Disappointment over my Target Beauty Box aside, I have good news on the thesis front! I have an advisor and even though I felt really awkward going into the conversation it went really well! I asked my friends, “How do you not go ‘willyoubemyadvisorplease?’“ Everything went great though. Since I changed my time period to the 1850s I asked Dr. R. She’s a Civil War historian so she’s not an expert on my subject, but definitely on the time period.

I have a meeting with Dr. B tomorrow where I was initially going to ask her to be my advisor or help me figure out what to do, but now I’m just going to ask her (waaaaay early) if she’d be my subject expert or if she has any tips or anything. She theoretically knows more about the subject area, but I’m not sure.

It’s not officially Spring Break for me yet, but I don’t have class again until the 28th. Dr. M cancelled class for tonight and Dr. R is going to be out of town the Monday we get back from break. I’ve got a Lit Review to do (already got a hiccup but I’m not worried) and an Annotated Bibliography and Prospectus due the 28th and April 2nd respectively. A couple of my classmates were worried about the Lit Review because two weeks isn’t a ton of time to synthesize all the material, but I reminded them that this one’s basically the first draft. We’re expected to continue it over the course of the semester until the draft of our Master’s Prospectus is due.

I’m currently working on a list of stuff I want to get done / work on over Spring Break which I’ve already started completing somewhat. Once I’ve got it actually typed up I’m going to post it here for ~accountability. Because I was supposed to take my car in for an oil change like a year ago. And I didn’t. And since now I’ve got a taillight out too...

And in even more personally exciting news...our flights to Orlando have been booked! I’m going to attempt to do some Disneybounding this time. I’ve looked at some stuff for inspiration and I’ve discovered I have opinions on what certain characters would or would not wear. Also, why is everything dresses and skirts and heeled shoes? I’m going to be trekking around a goddamn theme park.

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[twins-parted]

allbravado​:

     Oh, wrong question, Seth. Asking Rosie about anything death-related meant that you were going to get a whole essay, with a bibliography and annotations. That would happen, if she wasn’t busy getting all of her stuff so she could go to her workroom. Just across the back parking lot was an old maintenance shed. It had gone unused for years until she decided to convert it into the ultimate crafting room. Her bedroom was both too small and crowded to work in, and not ventilated enough to make it safe to use the chemicals she worked with.

[TXT: seth ✨☕] great question!!! ✨

[TXT: seth ✨☕] diaphonization is preservation method where, if you do everything right, the specimen ends up looking see through!! it’s really cool!!

Her parents were busy chatting in the kitchen when she slipped out the back door. They were getting breakfast ready, but the second they saw Rosie going towards her workroom, they knew she wouldn’t be joining them. Giovanna, her mother, shook her head with a smile at her daughter. Even on the weekends, Rosie was busying herself with a brand new project.

After she got all of her tools ready and the specimen itself laid out, Rosie got to work. The initial process wouldn’t take that long – diaphonization was more of a waiting game than anything. The only labor-intensive part was the skinning, really. It would also be a terrible time to FaceTime anyone, even though that was what she wanted to do. Instead, she just stuck to texting.

[TXT: seth ✨☕] things are kind of bloody right now, but after i have everything not-so-gory, want to talk??? ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ oh!! tell jonah i said hi btw!! hope you guys are doing well today!!

[ Text: Rosie ] ... Then, I’m doubling down on my 2nd text. Sounds cool !!!

[ Text: Rosie ] Sounds good, I think I might have some good news later anyway. Talk later then !

He continued forward, opening the door to he and Jonah’s room. As expected, there was his brother: watching an old episode of ‘ I Love Lucy ‘ on the desktop in the corner. 

“ Good news - we might be able to see people sooner than we thought. We’ll just have to feed  more until we look like ourselves again. After that - as long as we keep a big thermos of you - know - what on hand, we should be golden. “

The episode came to to an abrupt stop and the desk chair spun around to reveal a sleepy looking Jonah. He simply stared up at Seth, confusion on his face:

“ What about being a danger to everyone around us ?? I mean, it sounds really nice ... but, I’m not sure we should risk it. “

“ Come on, you’re excited about it too. We just need to make sure we have a steady supply of ... juice. Imagine it, we can see movies again & go to the diner on the corner ... it’ll almost be normal again. I can’t wait. “

Jonah watched Seth’s face as he continued. Just like Edith had been afraid - - - the OCD was amping up again. This was the temporary relief phase: but when the hammer came down and Edith had forbidden them from venturing out until their change was complete ... Seth would be back on the fast track of obsessing over ‘ The Project ‘ and making sure he could regain control of the household.

Jonah supposed there was a good reason Edith referred to Seth as ‘ The Little Lord ‘, behind his back. Still, he could see the need for Seth to get back into a routine & he was willing to at least entertain the idea. 

“ Edith won’t allow it ... you know, in case we get too hungry. We can’t have a scandal again - she’s already said she’d ‘ whip our uppity little asses until hell won’t have them again ‘. “

Jonah knew that Edith had their best interests at heart, but the idea of seeing Eve sooner was, in all honesty, a little appealing. 

“ Ol’ Edie can come along - and Jasmine, and Eve too for all I care. I just want to watch those cheesy old horror movies the theater likes to hype up. I have missed exactly 3 showings since this all started. I’m not going for a 4th. “  

He takes another sip from the baggy before offering it to Jonah. He doesn’t read Jonah’s expression as disgust at first. Then it sinks in & Seth rolls his eyes:

“ Sorry, forgot you and Edith were on a vegetarian diet. Also, get out of here - I’m about to talk on the phone with Rosie & your ugly face is going to scare her off. “ 

Jonah turns back to the computer and starts the episode again, garnering a quick middle finger from Seth. Instead, he propped himself up in bed and continued to read his textbook until Rosie called. He was careful to keep the bedside light off, only allowing the faint glow from the blue  neon lamp over his left shoulder. 

Anything to keep the truth at bay until he knows exactly how to address it. 

[brassyy]

Decluttering more papers tonight... so here comes a few more fortune cookie slips! Exciting. 

Tomorrow, I probably get to see tuba player, as long as he shows up at this marching band open house. This color guard I have been talking to about him is ALSO going, so... hopefully something good comes of this. I wish he would’ve come into the band room during the intermission the other day! I don’t know where he went - he might have just stayed out on the stage...

I sort of neglected to do my language homework on Thursday, and I’m debating on if I should finish it up tomorrow. I was focusing more on this annotated bibliography for music last week, which was supposed to be due Friday, but the professor gave us another week. That’s great... I also slept in Thursday morning, which didn’t help, but it was so nice! We didn’t have this language class because the professor’s out of town, so there wasn’t really much of an incentive to do the homework Thursday morning. I was going to do it Thursday night, but I was doing music homework for Friday... and now I feel as if it’s too late, so I don’t know. The professor is pretty chill, though. I did the reading today on the bus, so I’d just need to make a posting about it...

...I guess I might just continue avoiding it and move on with life. Stuff happens, and that’s generally alright. There’s a couple other projects I can be focusing on. 

[man-without-a-plan-45]

Writing Portfolio Reflection

Well, another semester has come and gone.

This one has proved to be one of the most interesting thus far, and with all of its struggles and shortcomings; I have to admit I’m sad to see it end at least under these circumstances.

I wasn’t sure what to expect from this class, it had been a while since I had taken English 1010 and even though the majority of my writing that had taken place in the semesters since then were mainly lab reports I felt confident that things in this class would run smoothly. After all, it’s probably just like any other English class.

Boy was I wrong.

From the very first class when you posed as one of the students to see if anyone would notice I knew that this was going to be something different.

This English class has made me realize that I am not perfect. I came into this class being used to hearing that I am a good writer in a traditional sense. My expectations were to write about certain authors and styles of papers just like any other English class and instead what I found was that I struggled with my writing, struggled with being uncomfortable, struggled with being honest with myself. What was merely just a general credit course for me has transformed into a humbling experience that has left me with valuable lessons how to grow not just as a writer but in my own life.

In life it is important to have humbling experiences like that and I am fortunate to have taken this course. The concept of a free write where to begin a class being able to write whatever it was that was in your head down on a page, no pauses, no opportunities for your hands to leave the keyboard. Just two minutes of adrenaline-fueled panic to try and not be caught when you lost your train of thought. With each class I grew more and more comfortable just expressing my thoughts into writing, something I had not practiced before and now it is how I begin each paper and plan out loose ideas on what it is I want to write about.

As much as I struggled with this class and found myself falling into old habits of procrastination there is so much I have learned and taken away from this course I am glad to have had this experience. Fish, you are an eccentric artist whose mind is a wasp’s nest stirring to try and inspire your students to see a small fraction of what you see, and I love everything about it. The passion and drive you have for the expression of writing and art in general is tangible and unlike anything I have seen before. I could not cheat myself into simply laying into the hole I had dug myself, wasting both your efforts and my own. Something important I have learned from this semester was that I will not give up on myself, and I will not give up on my writing. After all exciting things tend to happen in the bottom of the 9th inning.

I have always believed myself to have a creative mind and the things I have learned in this class and the ways I have been able to structure my writing have shown me the potential I have. This entire class has revealed that I am uncomfortable in my writing and throughout each paper I found new things that I struggled with, but also ways in which I had grown from the last.

From the very first project proposal, the ability to pick a topic based around our own interest was exciting at first but grew to be uncomfortable when feeling confident in the topic I had chosen. Being far too focused on future assignments didn’t allow me to cultivate and grow ideas to branch out with the project proposal I had in front of me. The annotated bibliography next made me realize that my topic may prove to be difficult with the limited amount of resources available to me, however I wanted to challenge myself and make an effort to think more how you taught me to; to branch out and explore the genealogy of the field. From there the assignment I struggled with the most was the opinion series; I had a hard-enough time finding my own voice and now to find voices relating to multiple perspective proved to be an area that I need to work on. Overall, I am content with my research project, I had found a topic that was compelling to me and hope to continue to learn about and perhaps educate others. This experience has taught me to use my voice as a tool to express what I believe in and what I hope to learn, not simply a means to pass a class.

In the beginning of the semester we had posted what we believed was our best piece of writing up until this point. The writing I chose was a philosophy paper from one of my more recent classes. Searching for my best writing assignment was my first realization at how little I wrote for myself outside of academics. At the time I enjoyed this piece analyzing a topic I do not find myself spending a lot of time it as if it is a guilty pleasure for me to explore the arts. The way I wrote this paper however was an extremely “cookie cutter” style and lacked real inspiration and construction like the techniques I have learned in this class. The fact that I can now begin an assignment and view it as a project to architecturally craft step by step has taken a lot of the stress and headache out of discovering a flow.

In the future I hope to venture more into writing that challenges me to join discussions and have others view and critique my work. This is something I missed out on participating in this semester however this does not mean I have missed my chance personally.

I have no one to blame but myself but instead of dwelling on what could have been done, I have many experiences to learn from in my future studies and hope to continue to grow not only as a student, but as a writer.

From now on my studies will be accompanied by the soothing sounds lofi lo-fi hip hop beats.

Thanks for everything Fish.

[nmlewis1025-blog]

4/14/19 Blog

This semester, my favorite project was the annotated bibliography. Out of all of the projects, this one was by far the easiest to do. Although the annotated bibliography did not match my research project, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was. For a long time, I was confused as to what it really was. I thought we were going to write the actual research project. Even though this was my favorite project of the semester, I am actually excited about the remix project. I enjoy being creative and it will give me an opportunity to share my information to others. My least favorite project was the rhetorical analysis. The reason that I disliked this project is because I felt like it was hard to relate to all of the options. I found it very hard to reach the word requirement because I just could not get into it. Even though I disliked this project, I did not think it was difficult at all. The hardest mishap that I had with this project is when we had to provide examples of logos, pathos, and ethos. It was hard for me to grasp what it was especially when it came to logos. I did not understand the logical appeal and what it really was. Now that I have done two papers since then, I have gotten far much better at providing examples of all of these rhetorical appeals. Another reason I disliked this project is because I thought it was quite boring. I always was in your 101 course and we had written about writing that entire fall semester. I was over it by spring time.

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Annotated Bibliography

Citation: Barakat, J. (Director). (2014, August 25). Technology & Social Interactions [Video file]. Retrieved January 19, 2017, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwOVktZR2h8&feature=youtu.be

Summary: This video begins by how explaining that today, more and more family and friends have become geographically isolated. Through the innovative technology that we have today, we are now able to connect with those loved ones over long distances almost instantly. By using technology, we are able to meet new people, learn new things, and get to know people from all around the world. But with all of these new ways to connect with other people, our ability to interact with one another socially in real situations has been greatly diminished. It mentions that we need to be able to interact with those around us and it is important that we balance the amount of time we spend on our devices.  

Analysis: The video does a good job of explaining the situation and the issues that are at hand. Using only words, it was able to effectively communicate the issues of technology. I whole heartily agree that now more than ever our ability to socially interact with one another is not what it used to be, and it is all because we are constantly using social media as an outlet to communicate with one another. Technology is great, but it is important to use it in a timely manner and not to spend so much time on it.  

 Citation: Devlin, K., & Rosenberg, D. (2006, May). Information in the Study of Human Interaction. Retrieved January 26, 2017, from https://web.stanford.edu/~kdevlin/Papers/HPI_SocialSciences.pdf

Summary: Keith Devlin and Duska Rosenberg together studied how social interaction works and in explicit detail explain what is happening behind the scenes as we communicate and pass information to one another, breaking down our every movement and explaining how it affects those that are being interacted with. How everything from your body movement to how the other person processes the information. Each reaction is different, but it is predictable. They tested the connections of information when it passes between two objects. With the results, it is easy to see that we associate the passing of information with the source that we receive it from, if we were to spend less time today on devices we would be able to interact with one another better as we share information.

Analysis:

 Humans using words can then exchange information with one another and are able to bond through communication. We live in an age where sharing information has progressively got faster and quicker as it moves from person to person. Boats, cars, planes, and the internet allow us to exchange information quicker than ever before. Allowing us to share news with each other even though thousands of miles could be separating us. Because of the invention of the internet humans have become able to communicate within seconds and anybody can use it. However, as new kinds technology is developed and continue to advance, other forms of communication are slowly disappearing and becoming irrelevant. We now use the very thing that would allow us to do more and be more productive, to become even less productive than ever before. This kind of communication is valuable, but is destroying our ability to talk to one another face to face. I feel like I have seen that become worse and worse as I’ve gotten older. Sometimes when people have free time, they pull out their phone even if they only have a minute or two of free time. It has become sort of an unspoken social norm that you don’t have to talk to anybody, but I wish it were not this way! Even if it’s just for a minute or two, getting to know someone new is always fun and exciting and even more memorable than being on your phone. Taking that first step to breaking the awkward silence is always the hardest part. But once you get the ball rolling, it becomes so much easier and you get better at it the more often you practice.

 Citation: Reidy, H. (2015, December 20). How social interaction helps people with mental health difficulties. Retrieved January 27, 2017, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dyjkn2JN8wE&feature=youtu.be

Summary: Reidy a PhD Graduate in Sociology explained how humans are dependent on social interaction and need it in order to live a happy life. People who are deprived of this social interaction often turn inward and become anti-social. Reidy studies how using new Virtual Reality(VR) technology can be used to treat these patients. VR technology is not a total replacement for social interaction, and also requires a social intervention. A social intervention study that she participated in called the “Connecting People” study in which they measured people’s “Social Capitol” or their ability to call upon certain people in times of need, and tried to help them find ways to increase it. They found that increasing levels of social capitol showed improved results in all aspects of the patient’s life.

Analysis: The entire idea of using Virtual Reality technology to treat patients that suffer from mental illness is kind of mind blowing and seems like instead of helping people improve their social skills it would do the opposite, but the treatment works when being paired with this social intervention helped those people re-establish their ability to socially interact with other people and increase their social capitol. Being socially connected is important, so it is important that we place ourselves in situations that will cause us to branch out and meet more people to interact with.

 Citation: Graham, A. (2014, November 10). How social media makes us unsocial. Retrieved February 02, 2017, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d5GecYjy9-Q&feature=youtu.be

Summary: Alison Graham is a screenwriter that has worked on several big projects at big film corporations. She spoke about how in today’s technology centered world, we are becoming more unsociable than ever. As there has been an ever-rising popularity in the social media that have been created, people are in search of finding new ways to communicate, via new interesting social platforms that still bring us further apart, rather than being more connected with the world around us. This digital age is affecting the rising generation more than anything, it is important that today’s parents help teach their kids what it is like to not live a life in front of a screen. To look up, and notice the world around them, and interact with the other people in it.

Analysis: Social media, and having that instant gratification of being entertained in seconds slowly causing us to lose those skills to interact with others, and it is happening fast. In the TED talk a study was mentioned that ten years ago, on average everyone surveyed said they had 10 close friends. The exact and study was done today and results yielded that on average we have 2 close friends. Social media is slowly replacing and changing the way that we connect with each other. The increase in technology is affecting the rising generation more than anything. I long for the days where you had to memorize people’s phone numbers, or when you spent hours creating a single CD full of your favorite music. Now, it is all at our fingertips, and can be accessed in a matter of seconds. By making us more connected, it is making us less willing to interact with others around us.

 Citation: Millar, P. (2013, September 13). A year offline, what I have learned. Retrieved February 03, 2017, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=trVzyG4zFMU&feature=youtu.be

Summary: The subject of this TED talk is this man named Phil Millar, an American Technology Journalist who felt overwhelmed by all of the internet so he stopped using the internet for an entire year. By removing the distractions of the internet, he felt this overwhelming feeling of freedom, he had all this time that he never had before. Disconnecting from the internet help his personal life as well, his sister talked about how he was more socially invested, and he was able to build relationships with his friends that he never could have before. But being away meant that he missed out on certain opportunities online as well. Upon being back online, Phil was able to find a balance between his life online and his life offline, and finally be satisfied with his results.

Analysis: The decision to go offline for a year is a pretty admirable choice, but I think rather than taking away the internet in increase productivity, it would be more valuable and applicable to learn of to manage your time. The internet is a great tool and can be used for so much good. There is however, such a thing as having too much of a good thing. So being able to find that balance is what it is really all about and everyone can figure out how to balance it all in different ways, for Phil it was taking a year off the internet.

 Citation: Gilbert, D. (2012, April 26). The surprising science of happiness. Retrieved February 09, 2017, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4q1dgn_C0AU&feature=youtu.be

Summary: In his lecture, Dan Gilbert spoke about how humans unlike any other animal have developed a large brain that possesses the ability to mentally simulate scenarios before they happen. This amazing and unique ability has aided the human mind to better plan out situations that will make us happier with the results. The two kinds of happiness’s that are produced are what are known as Natural Happiness and Synthetic Happiness. It is natural happiness that is affected directly by our choices and synthetic happiness is affected about how we react to our choices.  

Analysis: This lecture’s central message is that no matter what happens in our lives, whether it be good or bad, will only temporarily affect our happiness. Happiness is not determined by us getting our way, but rather is determined by our attitude towards the situations that happen in our lives. No matter what we choose, we will be happy in the end, as long as we have a positive attitude towards what are the consequences of our choices.

 Citation: Waldinger, R. (2016, January 25). What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness. Retrieved February 10, 2017, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KkKuTCFvzI&feature=youtu.be

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 Citation: Killingsworth, M. (2012, November 05). Want to be happier? Stay in the moment. Retrieved February 16, 2017, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qy5A8dVYU3k&feature=youtu.be

Summary: This TED talk was about a study that was done that involved 15,000 people from all kinds of different backgrounds. This study accumulated over 650,000 data entries, that were measuring the feelings moment to moment. By sending out daily questions via texting, Killingsworth wanted to know if his patients were focused on what they were currently doing, if they were not, he called this “mind wandering.” The results of the study showed that those who often found themselves mind wandering were not focusing on their current tasks were significantly less happy than those who were.

Analysis: Being able to focus on the here and now is so difficult to do. It requires a lot of self-discipline to change your entire mindset to think like this and often can be difficult to ignore past of future events. With this study, it shows that we are not all as different as we think we are. Many of us suffer at different times, but we all learn for our experiences and need apply what we have learned to better our present self. This will benefit us while we learn to apply those teachings to our present selves, to better our future. That kind of seems like it maybe contradicting, but if we are able to think of both of those to influence our actions in the now, we will be able to enjoy it more knowing that we have an idea of what the future may hold for us. Finding a balance might be difficult, but it will be worth it in the end.

 Citation: Seppälä, E. (2016, April 14). Breathing happiness. Retrieved February 17, 2017, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uvli7NBUfY4&feature=youtu.be

Summary: Stress is such a powerful emotion in our lives, that sometimes it can take control of our day to day activities. Emma Seppälä spoke about how we may not be able to control everything that happens to us, but we can control our state of mind. By studying and perfecting berating techniques, Seppälä found ways to help reduce stress just by berating. Conducting an experiment teaching patients how to control their breathing, showed positive results and the techniques stuck with those patients so long that even a year after the experiment, they were still able to use the techniques and gain the benefits from them.

Analysis: The idea that we are able to fall back on this breathing technique in times of stress and be able to use our breathing to help control our emotions is invaluable tool. Not letting your emotions control you is such a hard skill to learn, but is so beneficial to have once you understand how to use it.  

 Citation: Fern, A. (2013, August 13). Why Happiness Is A State Of Mind. Retrieved February 23, 2017, from http://elitedaily.com/life/what-even-is-happiness/

Summary: Throughout life, we are often searching for the answer to a common goal, Happiness. Trying to achieve happiness is not easy or small goal, but requires lots of time, effort, and patience. There is no right or wrong way of achieving happiness, no guidebook, just other people’s advice. An advisable way to gain happiness is from surrounding yourself with people that you care about and people that will lift you up. Surround yourself only with those who will help elevate you and make you feel happy. You do not need to make yourself miserable just by keeping around a person who only brings negative things to the table. Happiness does not happen overnight, it requires a lot of work. Find the things that make you unhappy and remove them from your life.

Analysis: The ideas that were share in this article ring so true to me. I have had times in the past when I have felt unhappy but haven’t been able to figure out why. It was not until I took a great step back to realize that the things that were making me unhappy were my “friends.” When I had cut ties with them I was able to begin to feel happy again and was able to improve more aspects of my life to feel even happier. Finding happiness is not easy, but if you are willing to work for it you will be able to find that happiness that you had been searching for.

 Citation: Caillet, A., Hirshberg, J., & Petti, S. (2014, December 08). Retrieved February 23, 2017, from https://hbr.org/2014/12/how-your-state-of-mind-affects-your-performance

Summary: The article spoke about finding ways to help control your emotions and thoughts. They have given the following 4 practices that will bring your happiness: thoughts and feelings, physiology, external environment, and health and well-being. First, thoughts and feelings is the idea of being in total control of your feelings within a few short minutes of reviving them. Physiology is a physical way to calm down and control your emotions. Being aware of your external environment is crucial, put yourself in a place that will help you control your breathing. Listening to using for deep reflection, to control your anxieties and re adjust your focus on the task at hand. The idea of being physically healthy and being positive in your well-being.

Analysis: Actively engage yourself in what you are currently doing and immerse yourself fully. Appreciate the fact that you are able to do whatever it is you are doing and realize how fortunate you are in being able to shape your own life by being able to use techniques and practices to your benefit. If you are able to just let go and breathe a little bit, you will be able to slow down and enjoy those precious moments in life.

 Citation: Ryff, C. D. (1989, December). Happiness Is Everything, or Is It? Explorations on the Meaning of Psychological Well-Being. Retrieved February 28, 2017, from http://coursedelivery.org/write/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/2-Happiness-is-everything-or-is-it.pdf

Summary: Trying to understand exactly what makes humans happy can be difficult, because there is no sure way of understanding perfectly what brings happiness. Sociologists wanted to know how present cultural phenomena were affecting the happiness of those who were following it. Finding that those who were aware of what was going on were more stable and happier than those who were not aware of cultural phenomena.

Analysis: Feeling that you are a part of something and are connected to others is an important idea to remember. Humans need be social with each other to be happy, because we have always grown up in the company of others and it is in our nature to want to feel included and like we belong to the group.

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