#but I have also . not started my honors project for that class . which I really should

[flowersfallingdown]

I have less homework this semester than last semester but gah . It is much longer/harder than last semester

[owliellder]

Two's A Crowd

College Bully! Leon Kennedy x fem! Reader

MDNI 18+

(Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5)

Description: College is proving to be a lot harder than you imagined. You cannot fail this math class. So when you've tried everything else, a well-known student is recommended to you by your professor for tutoring lessons, not really leaving you with much of a choice but to work with him.

Warnings: Not proofread, No Use of Y/N, Dub-Con, Unprotected Sex, Bullying, Yelling, Cursing

Tags: College AU, Bully! Leon, Shy! Reader, both are in their early 20's, Leon is Rude AF in the beginning, Loss of Virginity, Oral Sex, Fingering, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Additional Tags to be Added

Author's Note: Yay!! New multi-chapter fic in honor of 800 followers!!

I'm a sucker for tropes and mean Leon is one I can't keep out of my head. If you're not good at math then this is the fic for you! (also don't mind me slipping some Sky lore in here...)

Cross-posted onto AO3

Chapter 1

Growing up, college had always been a big dream of yours, leaving you fantasizing day in and out about all the possibilities that would open up, along with actually getting to live through the renowned “college experience”.

In reality, college was a lot harder than you were expecting. Your parents had told you to jump right into it after high school, fearing taking a gap year would ruin your good streak. The stress was starting to get to you and it was only a semester into your freshman year. All the tests, projects, and general studying really wore down on your mental health, not to mention you were failing the one math class you had.

You couldn’t tell your parents, no, they’d probably have a heart attack, especially since that math class was a prerequisite to another class that you needed to take. They were already worried enough that you hadn’t picked a major yet, so who knows how they’d take the news that you were failing right off the bat.

It was hard enough that you were feeling homesick. This was the first time you’d ever been this far away from home, studying at a university when you would’ve been perfectly content going to a community college closer to home. Your roommate was nice, but the two of you weren’t growing any closer than mere acquaintances, so it always felt awkward to just exist in your own dorm room.

Your eating habits worsened with the lack of any real food within five miles of campus. Sure there were a couple fast food chains on the campus itself, but they closed incredibly early. By the time you finished studying, which was around six in the evening, it had already closed. Not to mention that when they were open, the lines were comically long. University food was out of the question after you got violently ill from their “chicken nuggets”, so you were left with the little money your parents provided once a week to order takeout or make quick trips to the store to buy a frozen meal. Only one, since the mini fridge in your dorm was almost always occupied by your roommates stuff.

Everything was so exhausting and you were way out of your comfort zone having to use the community bathrooms for all your hygienic routines. Walking in always made you feel like you were interrupting a meeting in the president’s oval office with how many nasty looks you were given when all you were trying to do was brush your teeth.

The first thing you saw whenever you opened up Canvas was a massive F staring you down from the little box that comprised the majority of your math assignments and tests, making you feel less than worthless. This one semester alone helped you understand why so many people dropped out, this was hard.

By now you’d already gone to your math professor multiple times asking for redos or extra credit work. He was probably sick of seeing you since you showed up after almost every single assignment’s grades were submitted.

“Heeeyyy, Mr. Lebovic..” You said after knocking your knuckle against his open door to grab his attention. “Listen, about that last quiz, I-”

He cut you off with a wave of his hand before gesturing towards one of the chairs sitting in front of his desk. You hurried to sit down, watching nervously as he slowly pulled his eyes off his computer and onto you. “I get it, you don’t need to explain yourself.” His relaxed tone and faint smile was enough to ease your nerves a bit, letting your shoulders slump with a sigh. “You’ve been trying really hard, I can easily recognize that.”

You nodded eagerly, licking your dry lips as you opened your mouth to speak, only to be cut off again. “I’ve been looking into studying options that might help you. Resources are scarce for this material, but I think I finally have a tutor to help you out.” 

A wave of relief washed over you at the mention of tutor. Maybe you wouldn’t have to face the wrath of your parent’s disappointment after all! “Oh.. o-okay…” you stuttered, eyebrows furrowing as you silently beckoned him to continue.

“I teach another math class, it’s higher level, but I have a student in there that’s just taken up tutoring the material you’re learning.” Your professor seemed just as happy as you were about the opportunity. “His name is Leon Kennedy, he’s got one of the study rooms in the library from three to five in the afternoon on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.”

It took you a second to process everything Mr. Lebovic was telling you before you scrambled to pull out a sticky note and a pen to write all the information down on. You heard the older man chuckle softly, looking over at him when he held out a small piece of paper to you. “I wrote it down already for you, don’t worry.” You wished you could’ve thanked him tenfold, but his office hours were closed for the day now, so you said a quick goodbye and hurried back to your dorm, holding onto the piece of paper like a lifeline.

Contrary to what your math professor thinks, you knew the name “Leon Kennedy”. You had a couple friends that you hung out with occasionally out in the grass in front of the science building and they’d brought him up before. The few vague bits of info that you’d heard weren’t flattering, painting this Leon in quite a bad light; the stereotypical jock in a frat flying by on a full-ride scholarship. However, he was your saving grace now and you needed to develop more of an unbiased opinion of him if he was going to help you raise your grade from an F.

“Yeesh, sorry I’m not better at math or I would’ve helped you.” One of your friends, Sky, spoke up as they read the piece of paper your professor gave you yesterday from over your shoulder. “Even if you were better at math, I still wouldn’t trust you.” Ella, your other friend, laughed out.

“Ha ha, yeah, Sky failed math four times. Big whoop.” Sky waved their hands dramatically before walking over to sit down next to Ella in the dead grass. “Seriously though, you’re better off taking a failing grade and dealing with your parents. Kennedy is the devil incarnate.”

“The devil incarnate sounds easier to put up with than my parents, so I’ll take my chances..” You grumbled, taking a seat on a medium-sized rock close to the pair. “Maybe he’s turning a new leaf? Deciding to tutor?” 

Sky crossed her arms and rolled her eyes which made Ella elbow them in the side before giving you a sympathetic smile. “Maybe so, but please just be careful. I don’t want you having to put up with some jackass that has an ego bigger than Texas.” 

You nodded with a slight frown, moving your foot side to side lazily to push the grass blades around. You didn’t even think to consider the repercussions of studying with some random junior. “I’m sure it’ll be alright. Besides, just tell Sky and I if he’s giving you any trouble. I know damn well no man likes to put up with two women yelling in his face.” Sky nodded and pointed to Ella for added dramatics. “Yeah, and I bite. My top six teeth are porcelain so that shit hurts. Trust me.”

Your friends never failed to make you laugh, a slight resolve in a pool full of worries, you suppose. “Don’t worry, you guys’ll be the first to know if Leon is mean.”

“Good. Now, when’re you gonna go see the guy?” Sky rested their arms on their knees before looking up at you. “Uh.. in a couple hours I guess. I already made the appointment.” Your response seemed to surprise both of your friends, giving them a confused look in response to their shocked ones. “Is that.. Is that not a good time?”

“No no, just.. I thought you would’ve maybe taken a little longer to go and see him.” Ella shrugged, reaching a hand up to scratch behind their neck. “Proud of you, taking the initiative like that.” She then looked at her phone before pulling herself off the ground with a small groan. “I got class in a couple minutes. Good luck with the frat boy.” 

She patted your shoulder as she walked off towards the larger building on campus, leaving you and Sky alone for the rest of the time. Part of you wished both of your friends could walk you to the library when the time came, but having Sky was enough. “So.. Leon’s bad bad?” You needed a bit more clarification on the guy you were going to spend one-on-one time with, something to calm you down after running through countless scenarios in your head.

“He’s not all bad, 'least I don't think. I’ve exchanged a few ‘hello’s’ and ‘excuse me’s’ with him here and there since we apparently frequent the same building.” Sky scooted over to the rock you were sitting on, placing the back of their head on your legs. A couple brown leaves blew over from a nearby tree which they grabbed and crunched with their hand. “I haven’t personally experienced any bad happenings around him, but he is part of a pretty notoriously rowdy frat, so you have to promise me that you’ll only study with him on campus and never go to that frat house or any frat house in general, alright?”

Sky pointed up at you, poking the underside of your chin which made you laugh again and swat their hand away. “As much as I rave about wanting to have the stereotypical college experience, going to a frat house was never part of my daydreaming.”

“Good. Keep it that way.” They switched their fingers to give you a quick thumbs up before letting their arm flop down into their lap, eyes closing with a sigh. “Anyways, besides all that, wanna go get some food? I don’t have another class today and you’ve got about an hour and a half to spare, so actually you have no choice. Get up.”

You stood up with a shake of your head once Sky pushed off of your legs who stood up as well with a small stretch. “Don’t burn me at the stake, but I kinda want grocery store sushi. I’m feeling lucky.”

“Please don’t.” You sighed, pocketing the piece of paper before beginning to follow behind Sky as they started to walk across the grass. 

After the two of you shared a sandwich from some random shop not too far off campus, Sky walked with you up to the library, stopping just before the front desk. They agreed to not wander in with you under the condition that you’ll go to their dorm straight after to discuss details.

To say you were nervous was an understatement. Most of what you heard about this guy meant he was bad news, though you really didn’t have much of a choice when it came to seeing him. Like your math professor said, there weren’t a lot of options when it came to studying the material you were learning. Sure you had the internet and other students in the class, but you preferred the idea of a tutor since you’d already exhausted yourself trying to follow along with various youtube videos. You needed the in-person teaching, it just stuck better in your head that way.

Slowly starting to walk, you made your way over to the study rooms lining the back of the library. The rooms seemed pretty private with the only window being on the door, which had glass nearly top to bottom. Thankfully the rooms were numbered and Leon had texted you which room to go to when you made the appointment with him, you had no idea what he looked like and you didn’t want to look like a creep eyeballing people through the door until you hopefully found the right person.

Standing off to the side, you could see the number you were looking for sitting above the door, taking a brief moment to collect yourself and hype yourself up to talk to someone who didn’t have the greatest reputation. Set aside everything you’ve heard and just hope for the best..

You took in a deep breath as you strode over to the door, glancing inside through the window before knocking to let him know you were there. The table was angled off more to the left so you didn’t immediately see him until he leaned over the table to see who had knocked. Confidence left you as soon as you made eye contact with Leon due to the groan you could hear through the door. It took you a couple seconds, but you eventually managed to get your body to work with you, hand turning the handle to let yourself in.

“-the last thing I need..” You caught the end of his little rant to himself as you opened the door. The saying “fake it ‘till you make it” is harder than it sounds since your entire body decided to betray you, deciding that shrinking in was the best move. Quietly, you shuffled over to sit across from him at the table, placing your backpack in your lap in some weird way to provide comfort in this situation.

“You weren’t supposed to show up.” Leon grumbled, sitting far back in the tilted chair as his feet lifted the front end of the chair slightly. His arms were crossed and he was giving you probably the nastiest look you’ve ever seen, next to your parents, of course. All you did was sit there giving him a blank stare. It was obvious what he’d said, yet the sheer forwardness of that snide comment had you more than confused. “What?-”

“You weren’t supposed to show up.” Apparently he felt the need to repeat himself with some added bite, barely letting you get a word in. “No one ever shows up to these shitty tutor- whatever the fucks.”

Wow. Okay. “Uh..” You didn’t even know what to say to that. It completely caught you off guard. You’d run through countless ways this interaction would go in your head, but this wasn’t one of those ways. The two of you sat in a very tense silence with Leon just glaring at you from across the table, continuing to rock back and forth in the chair.

Without uncrossing his arms, Leon lifted a hand and waved it around slightly while shaking his head. “Are you actually still gonna sit here orrr…?” The sound of his voice finally snapped you out of shock, causing you to shoot your gaze down to your backpack, fumbling with its partially broken zipper. “I-.. Mr. Lebovic recommended you..?”

You pulled out a few of your failed assignments from your bag before setting them down on the table with shaky hands, keeping your eyes glued to the papers to avoid that burning stare the man in front of you has. “I need-.. I need help..?”

“Do you?” Leon let the chair fall forward, his sarcastic tone starting to make your whole body tremble. “You don’t sound like you do.” He snatched one of your assignments from the table and held it up, pursing his lips as he studied the various red marks made on it closely. You chose to not respond to that, letting your hands rest on top of your backpack so you had something to squeeze.

He turned the page around, the sound of the paper wobbling the only thing you could hear right after the sound of the central heat blowing through the vent in the room. Suddenly, Leon started chuckling to himself, shaking his head incredulously as he flipped the paper back and forth a couple times before letting it fall back to the table. “This is terrible!” His laugh grew louder as he tilted his body to the side to pull out his phone, taking a picture of the assignments you’d put on the table. 

How on earth were you supposed to react to that other than just sitting quietly? He was actually making fun of you right to your face. Hell, he might as well point and laugh if he’s going to be this brasen. 

The most you could muster up was a quiet yet high-pitched “... huh?” in response to him. This whole ordeal was spiraling a little too fast for you to keep up with. You were expecting to put up with some grown man with a bratty attitude or even just a very uninterested, not all there jock with how Leon’s been described to you, not blatant bullying.

“Huh?” He mocked, taking one last look at his phone while loudly sucking on his teeth before pocketing it again. “Anyways, this is actually sad. How are you managing to fuck simple math up like this?” He roughly grabbed all the papers on the table and stacked them before partially tossing them back at you, some slipping onto the floor. “You’re too far gone, even I can’t fix that.”

You let out a gasp when the papers were tossed at your face, scrambling to catch some of them. Pushing the chair back, you leaned over to grab the few that fell on the floor, desperately holding back tears. “Please, you don’t understand.” You pleaded, voice cracking as you tried your best not to start crying in front of him. “I-I need to pass this class. I’m passing everything else, I just can’t keep up with this one!” You were speed-talking to try and argue your case, sitting back up with the small pile of papers that you struggled to stack properly.

Leon started rocking back in his chair again, arms back across his chest as he watched you with squinted eyes. The corners of his lips soon turned up into a smirk, taking in your sorry state before rolling his eyes with a dramatic groan. “Alright, alright, stop whining, jesus..” He cleared his throat, letting his head fall over the back of the chair. “I’ll help you only because I feel bad for you.” It’s not like he was going to admit that he was being forced to be a tutor, no one needs leverage over him like that

You couldn’t help but give a small smile despite his implication. It was a start. “And I’m not gonna do it today, either.” Well, the sooner the better, but still, it’s a start.

He then stood up from the chair, fixing his jacket with a sigh. “If you show up even a minute late on Friday, I’m not helping” and before you even had a chance to reply, he walked out of the room, the door shutting with a slam which made you flinch. Luckily, you were a very punctual person when it came to this kind of stuff. This was important, so if you had to show up early, so be it. You hurriedly shoved your assignments back into your backpack, not even fully zipping it up before rushing out of the study room, back through the library, and to the dorms.

“He said that?!” Sky yelled, quickly wiping their hand over their mouth to quiet themself once you shushed them. “I don’t really feel comfortable with you going to another ‘study session’ with that guy if he’s just gonna bully you.”

“I wouldn’t call it bullying-”

“He was bullying you.”

“OKAY! So what if he was?!” You fell back onto Sky’s bed with a sigh, arms splayed out with your legs dangling off the side. “I can handle it. As long as I get my grade up, who cares?”

Sky sat down next to you on their bed, giving you a sad look as you sat yourself up with your elbows. “I care. So does Ella. You shouldn’t put up with that just for a grade. I’m sure if you explain to your professor and-”

“And what? Tell him that I’m a grown woman getting bullied over something I should know by now?” You sat yourself up fully now, leaning forward to place your elbows on your thighs as your head rested in your hands. “It’s only until finals are over and we’re already halfway through October. Maybe I won’t even need that much time, maybe I’m just missing one simple… math move and it’ll get the gears in my brain moving again.”

You tilted your head to the side to look at Sky, head now resting only in your right hand as you took in their annoyed look. “Trust me. I can handle this.”

“If you say so.” They ran their fingers through her hair before looking away from you, directing their attention forward to stare off at nothing. “Just remember that I bite and I’m not afraid to use my fake chompers on that no good-”

“I don’t wanna think about escalations right now, but thank you.” You chuckled, playfully nudging Sky with your free hand before moving it back to hold your head up with the other. Though you were trying to convince Sky on this, you were mostly just trying to convince yourself that you could handle this. Handle Leon and his.. alluring charm..

Only until finals, maybe even sooner.

[demonicnarwhale]

So for my first project in my Proprint class, we had to make 5 separate prints (draw or photograph something then print it on a 17x22 paper, same thing as last semester) so here's my stuff!!! Oh! And the prompt was basically anything but monochromatic or black and white, but we can either use one or two colors

They're all based on my Small Town AU because I thought it'd help get my ideas for this AU thingy situated a bit, and cuz it's fun

The first one to start us all off is Doc Scratch! The one and only, the catalyst (if you will) of this small town turning to shit. It's basically him bringing a sort of day of reckoning thing going on. But not like reckoning in the idea that they're getting judged by god or whatever. In this case, Scratch himself just plays around in this universe (this is the "bad" ending). Basically, the townsfolk begin to turn and hurt each other (reasoning will be explained in the 2nd project tehee and the wording here is like this just so I don't spoil too much) (also the top is just the different edits I came across and thought looked pretty)

Motifs / Symbolisms:

- The time on the clock reads 3:19. So specifically Genesis 3:19 is pretty much just when Adam and Eve are cast out of the Garden of Eden. The idea here is that Scratch will turn this thriving and self sufficient, almost found-family-like town into a big ol' graveyard. That paradise they all have come to enjoy and build a community together? Buh-bye!!! Cast out! Into the miseries!!!

- The picture of the oil painting is of The Agnew Clinic 1889 painted by Thomas Eakins. The painting was commissioned in honor of David Hayes Agnew, a pretty well known and respected surgeon of his time, a leader in a way. And I just felt like Scratch would have some of these "lesser" known art pieces of important figures of the past around his house. (Die would approve of this painting I believe)

- The apples are purposefully way too round, almost Christmas tree ornament looking. It's to allude to this feeling or idea of something being too perfect, but very off putting. Basically Doc Scratch himself. He's a man that's a part of the town but also not there. He's a total enigma for everyone and most people will chose to just accept that and just be cordial with him, that placid and simple smile just has something deeper going on teehee

- The card he holds is a nod to tarot ones (obvious I know but I ain't no tarot or star signs believer so I had to search up which card would make sense here). So seven of swords just means betrayal so haha on the nose

- There was gonna be a violin added but I just wanted to get this drawing done so I said "screw that". The reason why I was gonna go with the violin is cuz that idea of "haha Scratch is another name for the devil" and I remembered a song The Devil Went Down to Georgia which I fuckin dig. Also the idea of the devil having a violin playing contest with a kid is so fucking funny cuz he got his ass kicked. (oh yeah and just the idea of the devil being associated with the violin)

So yeah! I just had a lot of fun just coming up with this drawing and doing a little breaking the frame/boarder with the small apple branches reaching into the top box.

What can I say? I love marine associated themes so of course I gotta draw Trace and Fin. Oh and the sketches (or draft) I did just made me feel so proud and happy. Cuz even though it's a bunch of mumbo jumbo, it all just managed to flow out really well with this one. It's a shame that the digitalized final piece isn't as impressive to me as my sketches. The two compasses are also pointed at 3:00 and 5:00 cuz, ya know. That's their numbers. The fish from bottom to top are sockeye salmon, moray eel, tunas, and I didn't look at one fish for the ref with the top one but let's go with red snapper.

i sadly had to rush this one as it was getting close to critique day (aka the 26th) and some of my other classmates needed to print too so I didn't want to get in their way and such later on. (originally we had to make 5 prints but he saw not a lot of people would be able to so he cut it down to just 3. And so I already had 3 prints done so why not just let everyone else who really needed to print, print)

So this print was going to have PM, AR, and WV doing their own things (as seen in the first draft) but I changed things up so it'd be simpler and allow me to work on the last 2 prints. But hey! At least WV's there!! And then I was messing with shadows and the last one just looked really funny. OH! Oh and the 2422 was when PM made her appearance in the webcomics (at least, that's what I think or recall) and since that's her plane, it was a little nod. And this is her logo thing (still being worked on but you get the gist of it)

I do however feel hella bummed that I wasn't able to keep the mechanic tidbits (for AR) in this drawing since I hate drawing cars, the tools I tried drawing didn't fit the look of the finalized drawing. I'm sorry AR </3. Oh and I completely forgot about WV's lil torn up red flag, but it wouldn't really match i feel anyways in the end results. WV being a farmer, PM a mail woman hence the stamps, and AR being a (car) mechanic!!!

Ok so that's all for now, I'll upload the 4th and 5th print and photos of them all printed in another post since this is fuckin lengthy

PT2 HERE

[renthony]

Hi! Could you talk about what it’s like being an independent media researcher and how you became one? Did you go to school for communications or media studies? How do you make money?

I’m about to graduate college and I really want to go into the media studies field but I haven’t really figured out what the best way for me to do that is. I have a lot of similar research interests as you (animation, censorship, media analysis, queer media) and I’m disabled so I’ve been worried about not having the energy for a traditional 9 to 5 sort of job, so I’d love to hear more about how you’re able to do the research you’re passionate about!

Honestly, I got here by accident, and I'm still figuring things out as I go. I don't make much money and right now I feel like my work is in a period of transition. I have plans, but some days it feels like I'm barely making baby steps.

I started writing when I was pretty young, and I read every single "how to write" guide I could get my hands on via the library or bookstore. I wrote constantly. Short stories, various false starts at baby's first novel, even newsletters for school activities and community clubs. I was most focused on fiction at first, but I learned a lot about nonfiction as well.

I got involved in online writing communities back when forums were still a big deal, and I joined Twitter back in 2009 when it was still new and there was a massive author and freelancer community. (Anyone else remember before retweets were a thing? We had to copy, paste, and manually type out "RT @[user]" like barbarians.) I learned an absolute fuckton about the craft and the industry by talking directly with other writers, literary agents, editors, and various other people in the field. From the time I was like 14, I was interacting with professional writers, sharing my work for feedback, and racking up rejection letters from magazines and literary agents (which was a badge of honor in the communities I was hanging out in, because it meant you were working hard and refusing to quit). When I was 17, my best friend even scraped together money from their shitty fast food job to pay for us to attend a major writing conference in Denver, where we participated in all kinds of classes and panels with industry professionals.

My mother was also writing at the time, and I got a lot of support from her. She had a blog that got a decent amount of interaction, because this was right around the rise of the Mommy Blogger and my mom wrote from the perspective of a socially-isolated tattooed punk mom who never planned to have kids (which was unusual in a landscape of perfect housewives with perfect photogenic babies with weirdly-spelled Mormon names they chose when they were kids). Eventually my mom started writing for a website owned by Yahoo, to supplement the household income while staying home to care for my little siblings. When I decided I wanted to take a whack at freelancing, she gave me a lot of advice on how to get started. I also had a writing class at school taught by a teacher who made it a class project to submit to magazines, so I basically got a head-start on freelance life. I wrote a lot of random articles for a website that's since gone defunct, and I submitted a lot of short stories to contests and magazines. Didn't really make a lot of money, but I learned a ton and got a lot of experience.

When I made it to college, I studied anthropology and French. I'd planned to study history, but switched my track after a single semester because anthropology suited me better. I took a lot of AP classes in high school and did well on all the standardized testing, so I managed to get a full academic scholarship and skip right past a few of my gen eds. Unfortunately for me, I had a lot of difficult life experiences during that time period, and I started to struggle in pretty much everything that wasn't directly related to my degree. I failed Latin so bad I didn't bother to go to the final exam, because even a perfect grade wouldn't have saved me. I fucked up my algebra grade beyond salvation. Those two classes alone tanked my GPA enough that I lost my academic scholarship, and I wound up dropping out entirely. Grades in my required courses were solid, but the scholarship requirements meant I had to do well across the board or lose my funding.

My mother still has debt from getting loans to pursue a master's degree, and I knew damn well I didn't want that kind of student debt piling up on me, so I opted for dropping out. Sometimes I regret it a little, but I honestly think it was the best option. I was having so much emotional upheaval on top of the academic stress that I needed time away to figure myself out. I graduated high school early, so I was like two years younger than everyone around me, and I didn't have many friends. I lived at home and came to campus just long enough to go to class, so I had nothing in common with my classmates who lived in dorms and participated in campus activities. I missed orientation because I registered late, the administration sent me to the transfer student registration day instead of the new student registration day, and I didn't get any "here's how you navigate university life" support. I didn't know I was supposed to have a one-on-one academic advisor for a year and a half, and when I finally met him, his only comment on the matter was, "wow, I wondered why you hadn't come to see me yet!" without any sort of inquiry into how a fuckup on that scale was allowed to happen in the first place. I wasn't set up for success by university administration, and I burnt out hard. I dropped out.

My wife encouraged me to do what was going to be best for me mentally instead of letting finances dictate my next step. She had a steady job, and even though we were still pretty broke, her support let me drop out of college and focus on recovery. A lot of people gave me shit because their perception was that I was dropping out of college to become "just a housewife," and they couldn't fathom why. From my perspective, I'd been given a lifeline.

I took care of our shitty little one-bedroom apartment. I read a lot of books and played a lot of Minecraft. When I felt up to it, I did some more freelancing. My wife was working unholy hours in a factory and we didn't get to spend much time together. I started doing tarot reading as a side hustle, and we started making vague plans to move somewhere better for us, but saving up was hard.

Things felt stagnant for a long time. I didn't write very much, I wasn't really doing anything related to my studies. I wrote when I had energy, and I kept scraping together extra cash doing tarot readings while my wife started working a new job in a lumber yard. Her support is the only reason I was able to recover and figure myself out, so big shout-out to my beloved working woman wifey. God, I love her.

Eventually we packed up and moved to a different state so we could be closer to my family. I got a job baking for a coffee shop. I wrote whenever I could. When I got laid off from the coffee shop, I realized there was no way in hell I could keep working a regular job without sacrificing my health, so I went back to writing full-time. (The Queen of Cups was written during this period.)

At some point I started getting back into anthropology and history research, just for fun. I didn't have money to finish my degree, but I had enough academic experience to know how to track down and evaluate good sources. I wasn't really trying to do anything for career purposes, I was just incredibly bored and wanted to study something again, so I got really, really into studying local history. Once I read everything I could about that, I jumped to another topic I was interested in, and then another. Media studies became my biggest focus as a natural outgrowth of my interests in speculative fiction, animation, and the history of the entertainment industry. I studied anthropology in school because I loved learning how and why humans do the things we do, and media studies always felt like an obvious facet of that. It's part of why I was always obsessed with cave paintings and paleolithic sculptures--people make art! It's what we do! It's what we've always done!

Anyway, I now live in a university town that has resources available to the public, and I have friends who work in various university libraries or as professors. I started making use of whatever I could get access to. I read a lot of nonfiction books from independent researchers pursuing their own passion projects, I got really into video essays on YouTube, and I had the epiphany that you don't actually have to finish college to study and write about things as long as you put in the quality research and source all your information. At some point I started calling it my "DIY academia," which my university-employed friends found utterly delightful.

Honestly, I credit my formal-academia friends with a lot. They've all been an incredible source of support and reassurance, and have helped me track down quite a few sources I was having trouble getting my hands on. Everyone do yourself a favor and make friends with someone who works in a university library.

I started a Patreon several years ago (in like 2017 I think?), primarily for my fiction writing, but there's plenty of other things that have shown up there over the years (art, cosplay, essays, etc.). As I started getting more into my DIY academia, folks started expressing interest in seeing me write about it. My tumblr posts about media generated a decent amount of attention, I'd managed to build up a platform, and it wasn't hard to say, "okay, screw it: I have freelance experience and I know how to write a paper, does anyone want to pay me for it?"

I haven't been submitting to existing publications like I used to, mostly because I don't have a decent portfolio assembled. My old freelance work in high school and college was for a platform that closed down a decade ago, and no matter how popular they get I can't bring myself to include tumblr posts alongside professional credits. My current plan is to build a portfolio on my website showing off the commissions I've been taking, and then start submitting to magazines and newspapers again between my other work. I'd love to eventually write for something like Polygon or IGN.

It's hard. I love research, I love writing, and I love sharing information with people, but having to DIY everything is really, really hard. I often feel like I'm just throwing nonsense into the void in the hope someone will like it and leave a tip in my Ko-Fi. I don't have formal academic credentials beyond "I was planning my senior thesis about the ethics of investigating ancient burial sites, but then I dropped out." I just have a neurodivergent brain, a handful of special interests, a wife who works the graveyard shift in a lab to pay our bills, and the ability to hyperfixate on research for absurd lengths of time.

The most common advice I used to get about freelancing is that you just have to keep throwing things at the wall to see what sticks. It's been years since then, but I think the advice still applies. Read a lot, learn a lot, and write about the things you're most interested in. Search around and look for magazines and newspapers and websites that accept unsolicited freelance submissions. Read the other articles they publish to see how your work stacks up. Submit, submit, submit. Rake in rejection letters and keep them as a reminder of how hard you're working. If you're up for it, start a Patreon to post the things you don't submit elsewhere. The worst thing that can happen is that people don't give you money, but maintaining it still helps you lay the groundwork for a portfolio and a reader base.

I deal with a lot of hellacious impostor syndrome. I worry a lot that I'm just a hack who doesn't actually know what they're talking about. Like I said, I got here totally by accident, but whatever I'm doing seems to be working for me. I'm broke, but my work is being read, and opportunities for more work show up when I least expect them. I'm not sure what's next for me, but I'm excited to figure it out. Money's tight, but I keep enduring despite the chaos. I throw things at the wall, I see what sticks, I clean up whatever flops and then try it again later. Wash, rinse, repeat.

It's hard, but so is everything else. I like it better than a lot of other things I could be doing.

[angelosearch]

Little life/fic/project update...

I absolutely love my grad program and learning all this art therapy stuff but sometimes the spoon drawer just gets empty even when all you're eating is ice cream, you know?? Definitely hit a bit of a wall yesterday, especially with how stressful/unpredictable my internship has been. I took a mental health night (still had to intern for 5 hours and sit in an hour of traffic) and skipped class this evening... hoping that recharges me at least a little.

I fell behind with Inktober and it doesn't seem like I'm going to catch up. I have two sketches that I might ink and post but if it's between that and writing... I'm going to write.

The next chapter of "Chaos Theory" is in progress. I might finish it this week, but I'll have to see if it feels "complete" after I finish the current scene or if I want to add more. After that there is just two more chapters and the epilogue and two out of three of those I already have extremely strong drafts for!!

The one thing keep asking myself is have I answered all the questions? From watching the numbers I am guessing I have between 60-80 consistent readers (WHICH IS INSANE. And a huge honor!! so happy to share my story!!!!) and I don't want to let anyone down!! If you read CT, please let me know any outstanding questions you have in the story (like 'what's going on with x character?' or 'what's the explanation for this?' etc.). I have room to answer some things I might not have considered, but I need to know what I haven't considered!

Because I am so close to the end of CT, I haven't really touched anything else lately! Here are my rough writing goals looking toward the end of the year:

Finish posting CT before December. If I can, finish writing this month!

Finish writing CT "Rewind." I am about 60% of the way through overall and 50% through the next chapter.

Post at least one more FFVIII The Musical song by Halloween since that's when I started writing it last year.

Finish my Bingo card!

Write and post for my Yuletide exchange.

Write and post "Angelo: Search" (the next installment in the Angelo Combine series)

After that, I will probably try REALLY HARD not to start anything new (at least in the FFVIII fandom) until I finish some of my current multichapters. Update priority as I see it is:

Minute Hand

The Sorceress Awakens (and the rest of the New Beginning Series)

Vessel of Hyne's Grace

FFVIII The Musical

Of course, I have other non-fanfiction things I want to do before the end of the year/January, too. I have some people I want to visit, outstanding art projects, my new year's journal, holiday gifts to make (watch out my friends 👀), AMVs, class/finals... Yeah, so who knows how much of that is possible! Also I have SO MUCH reading to do!!

As always, these posts are more for my planning purposes than anything else!! I love a prioritized list, haha. Please continue your regularly scheduled scroll.

[inkabelledesigns]

I know I'm posting a day late here, but Happy Birthday Bendy! February 10th, 2024 marks the 7 year anniversary of when Bendy and the Ink Machine came out. And boy, has it been a wild ride. Normally I would reserve this for my Bendy sideblog, @angelofthepage , but I'm posting it here because this is where I started years ago, and I want some of those people who don't see that blog to have a chance to see this. Because you guys are a part of this story.

In about three months, seven years ago, I was in finals hell, working through my process book for my packaging design class in one of the dorm lounges while my roommate had taken the room for herself again. And the only thing keeping me sane was putting Can't Be Erased and Build Our Machine on loop as I worked. BATIM only had two chapters out, and I didn't know everything about it, but I was so intrigued by what its deal was. I took one look at Sammy Lawrence and I wanted to know everything about him. Something about this barely started game, the idea of your characters coming to life to kill you, it thrilled me, intrigued me. It was something I was really afraid of, being so attached to my characters and putting so much of my identity in my art. And while the story isn't really all that much about cartoons themselves being alive, it gave me something else that ended up changing my life.

Over that summer, I would become obsessed, and for the first time in years, I let myself be a fangirl again. And maybe one day I'll pull up the timeline and tell you how it all went down. But right now, after all the celebrating of yesterday, I just wanna take a moment to appreciate the last seven years. All the people I've met, all the friends I've made. All the experiences we've had together, big and small. Some have been incredibly close, and others have been people I still smile about whenever I see them on my feed, even if we're not all doing stuff in the same fandom anymore. There's some people I've fallen out of touch with that I likely won't ever see again that I miss. There's some I'll be lucky if I never see again. There's the official voice actors for Dark Revival, which I've had the pleasure of working with on community things here in the fandom. I regularly moderate their livestreams (or Lovestreams as we call them) where they sign prints and interact with us fans (and sometimes I'm tech support, once an ink machine technician, always an ink machine technician xD). I'm honored to call a lot of them my friends, we've had some truly wonderful conversations. I've spent a lot of time in a variety of servers, trying to uplift people and make for a positive fandom experience for everyone, fans old and new. Sometimes it lands me in interesting places, like helping out over on the Inky News channel. The host, Brandon, invited me over to guest star on his anniversary stream yesterday, and in the past I've been fortunate enough to showcase my art on two of his interviews, one with Dave Rivas and one with Adrienne Kress. Sometimes it lands me on fun projects, like working on a fan game, and for the first time it's not as a voice actor! I'm a writer. I've had my work uplifted in turn too, meeting people who value me for me and also cheer me on when I try new things (sometimes entirely new mediums like doll customizing). I got my first helpful constructive critique in this fandom, and it was something I ASKED for. That is a huge personal milestone! I have a really complex and twisty set of feelings about critique, and finally, I feel better, because someone helped me start to unravel that just by being themselves and being thoughtful. It's inspired me to want to be better in how I handle critique and problem solving with others.

I spent so much of my life putting my self worth in other people's hands. I thought I would never be good enough to have friends who didn't treat me like garbage. I thought I'd never be a good artist in any sense of the word either. But I was wrong. I've grown. I'm valued, I'm wanted. I don't have to hide parts of myself to be desirable. Sometimes being the silly, goofy, fangirl that is Kat is enough. My art is enough, my ideas are enough, my flavor is tasty, and I am a goddamn treat. And after so many years of not knowing that, I'm glad I finally do. And it's all because of the people. It wasn't ever that my flavor was bad, it's that I hadn't found people with a taste for it yet. Bendy's greatest gift was giving me a fresh start, a chance to meet new people, good people, and for that, I'm forever grateful. Even though things have changed, I'm glad I met each and every one of you, you all taught me something valuable along the way, and I think about those experiences we shared often.

I won't lie to you, I've been rather frustrated with Bendy lately. And I think a lot of it has to do with the games not truly having grown with me. At some point our paths deviated, and there are elements of what's come and what's coming that are getting away from what really enticed me about the very first entry, the things I valued most in it. But in some ways, analyzing that has led me to figure out what made that first game so special. It was human. It was a character focused game, and each of the characters, while vague, gave us just enough about themselves that we could feel for them, get invested, imagine, maybe even sympathize. Everyone is a tragedy, but they're all different flavors of tragedy. And it was seeing people explore that, seeing people write these characters in ways that were so human, that really built a connection. For some people, Bendy is another indie horror experience. For others, it's something to indulge in that hits hard on a personal level. In many ways, it attracts a lot of us who feel like misfits. It's many things. But to me, the magic was in the people. The people in this universe, and the people in its real world community.

It has solidified my belief that people should play with fiction however they want, no matter how far it deviates from the canon, no matter how weird it is. Go be interpretive, go tell your story, go be free to make what speaks to you! (All I ask is that you're thoughtful about tagging it so people can make smart choices about engaging with it.) All stories are worth telling. Even if no one gets into it, having told it makes a difference.

Whether you're someone who's been there from the beginning, or someone that's new to Bendy, I hope you're all having fun. Whether you've finished exploring the world or you've just begun, I hope you've found something valuable. Thank you, for coming along for the ride. Here's to many more fun experiences and stories, be they official or be they in the fandom. Happy Bendyversary!

[incomingalbatross]

Finished my first week (I don't go in on Fridays) of Commute Listening! (Plus a day technically because I did have to go in last Saturday.)

Here's the summary of the undertaking so far...and of just how much car/public transit time I've logged:

Bach's Brandenburg Concertos 1-6 My beloveds--the only classical music that IS for sure on my faves list, because in the period when I had a CD player in my bedroom and about three CDs, these were two of them. Still not sure how well I could identify them, but I recognized them once they started playing and greatly enjoyed them.

Artifexian podcast ep 1. Interesting! All about worldbuilding. Just far enough removed from my own interests (yes I love fantasy, no I don't enjoy worldbuilding, it took me years to process that) that I can listen as, like, a spectator, but also listening to two people who do love worldbuilding makes me feel more positive about it. Like the energy.

Several Masses by Haydn (St. Cecilia, Mass in B flat, Mass in honor of the Blessed Virgin). Beautiful, obviously, but... did not grab me. Might just be that Masses and commuting are not the right combination. Might be my chant-inclined mind going "you're drawing out the words too much." Idk.

Art of Manliness ep 1, about Easy Company. INteresting and informative—a window into a subject I wouldn't have sought out on my own.

Out Alive ep 1. About a skier buried in an avalanche! Again, not something I would have sought out myself, but hearing the skier and the other people involved talk about the impact of a crisis situation and near-death experience, without any polish or dramatization... oof. Really interesting.

Reply All Billed as a "podcast about the internet," the first ep was about a social situation enabled by the internet. Also interesting as a window into someone else's personal experience that I don't think you'd quite get in any other medium than this unpolished interview format. This time about relationships instead of death, though.

In the Wind (album) by Peter, Paul and Mary. Branching aside from classical for some folk, since I was in the headspace for something between podcasts and instrumentals. Good! I recognized several of the songs but definitely not all. They also reminded me of several other country and folk artists I could listen to if I want to keep going down that road, in addition to listening to more of their work.

Vivaldi Concertos for Diverse Instruments GOOD. I loved these! They got stuck in my head afterward! Definitely want to try more Vivaldi. Also reinforcing my theory that any kind of music is good music if it involves violins going wild.

Mozart Violin Concertos 3-5 ALSO very very good. And I think I could hear the cleaner/plainer sound of Mozart as opposed to the baroque I'd just been listening to.

My Writing Sucks podcast ep 1, in which an author lovingly roasts her 14-year-old self's writing. Very fun. Endearing. Kinda makes me want to pull out my oldest, worst writing and approach it from an outside perspective, which I think would be Growth if my fragile ego could actually follow through on that. :P Maybe after a few more episodes of this.

Pints With Aquinas episode 1. This is an introductory episode giving background on Aquinas, as opposed to later episodes which will have more actual theology. Already good, though. Little harder for me to stay focused than some of the more fun ones, but I'll be coming back.

Classics for Kids Short and educational segment about classical music. Definitely told me things I don't know! A little short and a little flat in delivery for my needs, but good stuff.

Stuff You Missed in History Class ep 1. Interesting, but same issue as the above—it was just short. I need to check if episode length varies, and if they're all short I might load up six or so at once to give it a better trial. It was interesting but I couldn't get much flavor from one segment.

In conclusion, this project is definitely a success so far. I've been enjoying my commutes even when there's traffic, and I feel like I'm taking in things that I enjoy and are constructive in some way! It's fun for me. And I have a bunch of podcasts in store for next week that I haven't even touched yet.

[algumaideia]

Don't know if you guys can tell but I'm not good with romance

...

Jason’s day was going as expected until the afternoon. He went to his classes, made a presentation of a school project, ate and now was going to his room. Nothing unusual. Until a classmate said the following:

“Your boyfriend is waiting for you at the front desk.”

Most people in this situation would ask what boyfriend? Because Jason Grace did not have a boyfriend, he had been single since he and Piper broke up. But Jason wasn’t most people, he just nodded and went to see the person or creature that was calling itself his boyfriend. Maybe it was a monster, he didn’t understand why it would go to such trouble to get to him, however it was definitely a possibility. It could also be a minor god, trying to reach for him. In the end he wasn’t prepared for who was waiting for him.

“Hey, Jason, it’s good to see you.”

Nico di Angelo was there in all his glory. His hair was longer, reaching the shoulders, he had gained some weight, had no black eyes, and just better. Nico was wearing a white shirt with a black skull melting on it, black jeans with chains. He looked good. But most important, Jason missed Nico. A lot.

“It’s good to see you too.”

Nico seemed amused. It was probably because Jason was a little awkward, still trying to process the situation.

“Can we go anywhere to talk or now is not a good moment?”

“Huh, no, I’m not busy. We could go to a restaurant or to my room, I don’t share it with anyone.”

“Your room sounds good.”

So they went to Jason’s room.

One thing was still a mystery though.

“Why did you say you were my boyfriend?”

Nico looked at Jason like he was crazy.

“I didn’t?”

“Oh.. George must have heard the message wrong then. Or maybe he was just messing with me.”

Nico still looked at Jason like he wasn’t making much sense, but didn’t say anything else. They walked in silence. It was weird.

When they got in the bedroom, Nico sat in the bed and Jason in the chair next to his desk. Things didn’t become less weird. They stared at each other. Jason still was unsure about what was happening.

“So, what brings you here?"

"You."

Nico said it like it was a reasonable answer.

"You were so happy when I said I would say at camp and then you just went away, after you and Piper broke up you barely keep in touch, you haven't been at any camp for months, whenever anyone sees you, you look exhausted. What is happening?"

Jason had no words. He cried. Nico hugged him.

…

“I could help you.”

"What?"

They hadn't properly talked, Jason did tell Nico how he felt about the break up with Piper, but obviously that wasn't the only problem.

"Your job with honoring all the gods. I could help you. I have contacts and I can travel easily."

Jason didn't want to be pitied or a burden.

"You don't have to."

"I want to do it. It would be nice to spend more time with you."

Jason also didn't know how to deal with this.

…

Nico started to spend a lot of time with Jason which made Jason worry if he was being treated well. Nico always said it was fine. Jason wasn't so sure.

…

Jason sighed.

"Thank you, if it wasn't for you I wouldn't have gone to see Leo if it wasn't for you. I really needed it."

Nico smiled.

"Of course." …

"I still don't understand the appeal of Tennis."

"Maybe you would if you tried to play it."

"Nah. I'm fine with just watching."

…

"I shouldn't have taught you how to play mythomagic."

"Don't be so bitter, Nico. This is just the natural course of things. The student always gets better than the teacher."

…

They were lying in the grass, with cuts and bruises. They had just fought a group of cyclops and were laughing.

Nico looked at Jason. Jason looked at Nico. They never felt so lonely when they were together.

They kissed for the first time in the afternoon.

[phoenixpearl-ashes]

Alright, I've had food and gathered my thoughts (though to be honest most of them are still just incoherent happy yells) regarding the new finale party. So here we are, divided by each character below the cut, in roughly the arbitrary order I talked to them in.

Halsin- I was pleasantly surprised he went back to the moonrise region. Less surprised that he chills as a bear a lot of the time, but still delightful. But oh my goodness hearing he gets to settle down and take care of a bunch of kids? Highlight of the conversation. And he gave me a wooden duck! I will treasure it forever. Hug 10/10, one of the few party members not being just dwarfed by my dragonborn durge.

Astarion- Yes I know I arrived with him but I wanted to make sure he was good. As mentioned already I was so freaking happy to see how much he's managed to relax in the six months. And oh my gods him saying six months with Aeranan was equal weight to the literal 200 years of torture? Good gods. Aeranan loves this vampire so dearly. Also, absolutely fascinated by one of his lines saying that we have eternity likely confirming my theory that redeemed durge is still immortal. Which is awesome both for further story purposes and because I would absolutely hate to leave him alone again. Hug was 100/10, fucking loved the zoom in on him just tucked close and relaxed.

Lae'zel- I was incredibly happy to see her, even astrally projected because I royally fucked up her quest last game and she was a fugitive. So to see her this time, not only alive but in good spirits, was incredible. Orpheus remains alive, albeit in mind flayer form, and it seems likely to me that they stay in touch. She's doing amazing as the leader of the revolution. I wanted to hug her very badly, but alas, magic projection says no. Teensy bit sad I couldn't say hi to the red dragons but maybe after the whole war thing is over I can go and visit. ALSO she admitted she missed me so I am feeling so very loved right now.

Karlach- Karlach! I was so happy to see her okay. I missed the chance to hug her because apparently it's a missable dialogue choice so that was sad. But, the fact that she's up here again and there's actually hope to fix her engine!!! I'm so fucking happy about that. I hope they fix her heart and we all get to chuck the old engine at Zariel's head as it explodes. Also really happy she's getting on well with Wyll. She didn't deserve to be alone ever again.

Wyll- The blade of Avernus is as dashing as ever. Absolutely love that he reclassed into ranger and is just massacring devils. Fuck them up Wyll. Also the fact that we managed to keep his father alive this time around and they;re both proud of each other is just. Yes. I don't know if he'll stay in Avernus if Karlach can leave but I hope they stay a dynamic devil slaying duo for as long as they can.

Gale- Ahh he's a professor! So proud of him for not going mad with power and getting to settle down sans death orb. I'm less enthused he seems to still be vying for Mystra's attentions, but hey it's his life. I hugged him immediately because we are magic pals forever and he always looks like he needs on quite frankly. Another 10/10 hug Genuinely love his sincerity all through the game on his care for our friendship, and this portion was no different. Aeranan is going to guest lecture at his class with Astarion sometime and make every student gag at their lovey-dovey behavior.

(Bonus Tara)-I love Tara so much. Fantastic tressym no notes. Absolutely an honor to meet her. I would 100% give her the best place by the fire.

Jaheira- Friendly teasing with her continues as always. Teased Aeranan about the idea of starting a family although quite frankly I'm not sure that would even work given Aeranan and Astarion's...everything. But cute thoughts regardless. Any future kids would call Jaheira auntie and she would complain the whole time and love it. I did promise not to let any of them get into blood duels though. Aeranan's life aside, it was excellent to hear she's doing well and reconnected to her kids, and is getting the Harpers all coordinated on the city restoration. She seems happiest when she's busy, even if it does involve saving Minsc from himself every day or so.

Shadowheart- I'm really glad she's getting to live that free life she was robbed of as a child. Perhaps one day Nocturne can rejoin her as well but in the meantime its a lovely thing to think of her just drifting through the world as she pleases, making some alcohol perhaps, calling on old friends, and simply put, living. Hugged her with zero hesitation as well. 10/10 gave her multiple hugs throughout the evening because she always deserves them. I'm glad she's decided to pick up the responsibility of party planning in future though because Aeranan does not have the social skills to arrange this nonsense every 6 months or so. Well. They'd try for this group.

Minsc- Not even remotely surprised this man had to be portalled in from a jail cell. I was worried for about 5 secinds and them remembered him tearing open a mimic from the inside, so I think he'll be fine. Besides, Jaheira wouldn't leave him to rot in a jail cell, no matter how foolish he was to land himself there. Boo was cute as ever.

Scratch- Happy to see the good boy still doing well. Did not remember to have an animal speaking potion but ah well. Hilarious that the astral prism is a fetch toy now.

Owlbear Cub- Extremely cute and sweet as always. Gave him many many pats. Also arranged for him to live with Halsin. I think he'd be well able to take care of him and was very enthusiastic about the kids loving him. Our little cub deserves a happy and chill life.

Volo- Hilarious that he showed up without an invitation. Probably going to have to sue him for fraud/identity theft/libel at some point but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Milil- I adore that we had a forgotten music deity as our evening entertainment. Super happy when I recognized him, obliged by playing songs that made me cry before the party was over. Hope I can chat with him again at future parties.

And there it was. A night to fondly remember and a group to return to time and time again. Friends, comrades, and the family Aeranan would always choose.

To us.

[therulerofallpotatos]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ❤

Curious what ur fav fics of yours are? 👀🖤🩷

Like ever?Like my five favorite fics of ever? oh boy ok lemme pull up the list

Well immediately I Bit Him so He's Mine is coming to the top of the list which isn't even done yet but is sitting rn at around 40k, is my longest project ever and officially novel length. Between the writing a murder mystery, writing a low fantasy adventure, the gothic/fairytail romance, the hyde wednesday/hyde tyler scenes, the subplots, and the fact that I'm not able nor do i want to rely on psychic visions for information, this is the most involved and exciting project I've probably ever done. Before Wednesday, I hadn't really sat down and written a proper drawn out mystery plot and this is the first where there were no psychic visions either. It's also officially longer than my Absolution novella which is not on this list just because that fic was one of the first I ever wrote and it shows. (though it is special to me because of that)

2. I'll add Wandering in the Dark because it was born of a prompt that my hs senior english teacher gave the class for a project that'd been anticipated (or dreaded depending on who you were) all semester. Basically, we all got to draw a disease (chronic I believe or at least mine was) out of a hat and then just do whatever we wanted writing a story with it. He gave me complete creative freedom. I wrote steter fanfiction which is also why it reads for someone who isn't familiar with teen wolf. I got an A.

3. My Lost Soul (Lead Me to Redemption) was my baby for a long time. It was one of the first pieces I ever wrote in a creative writing class which I then rewrote as sterek fanficiton and evolved into a whole series with Derek, Stiles, and Peter becoming the Hale Pack again. My writing style and quality drastically changes from beginning to end and there's something special about getting to see that firsthand reading this series. I'm sure it would only have continued if I hadn't lost steam for the story.

4. This is not a fair game. I'm not even left my teen wolf list yet.

4. I suppose I'll put Have You Seen Me? because idk I just like it. I like it a lot. I like exploring Tyler immediately after the cave. I like the title and the way the summary is just Tyler's wanted poster. I like how it leads into Wednesday going to Nevermore and I like how they interact with each other and Tyler being an Addams

5. Hold Me Close and it's sister fic Pin Me Down (to be posted) will have to take place as well. I'm counting both because I love them for the same reason. I've been writing officially since 2016 and for at least as long I always knew that I would eventually write my own fuck or die/sex pollen fic and that I'd take the approach of approaching the potential trauma and very present vulnerability present in the premise. Plus, the sex marathon aspect was a good writing challenge to stretch out the sex scene long enough to actually feel like a marathon reading it. Hold Me Close's sex scene was around 3000 words. Pin Me Down's sex scene is 3455 words long.

Honorable mentions for an abandoned multi-chap from high school that I hadn't thought about for years solely because I recently went to a convention where I met a lot of local authors and talked their ears off about writing and the genres we do and our current projects (and I had plenty due to wyler week and the bingo) and this one author recognized my ao3 alias and loved the fic in question. Mark Me an Angel for the hannigram fandom which also is a good example of why you plan a basic plot/direction when you start something.

[mysterystarz]

match up exchange post

for @shxtodxroki because we came to a cool deal so hi there bee <3

you’re actually extremely cool i really enjoyed learning about you because you’re actually awesome

anyways………

after careful deliberation, i’ve chosen to match you with……..

IWAIZUMI HAJIME !!!

runners up: kuroo tetsuro, yamaguchi tadashi

WHY DID I PICK THIS PAIRING?

when i was reading your info, i noticed a lot of softer qualities and a lot of deep and insightful thoughts. literally iwaizumi was the first person who popped into my head because truthfully, i think he would absolutely adore you (let me dive into this)

we all know iwaizumi is dependable. he’s shown time and time again that he can pick up the slack for seijoh when oikawa needs it. he also grows up to be a sexy athletic trainer which means his job is literally caring for people.

i think when he meets you, iwaizumi would genuinely be fascinated by you. i feel like you’re the type of people to have a class together and are paired up for group work simply because of seat proximity. you share some small talk and work on projects and slowly get to know each other. when you open up to him and start rambling about your interests, he’s a goner and he’s in love.

i feel like iwaizumi would absolutely love a soft s/o. you’ve got a lot of amazing qualities and values, and he likes how you’re sentimental. i feel like he’d also be a sentimentalist as well (can imagine you guys sitting on the couch and looking at remnants of past — you and your merch and him and his jerseys)

he is absolutely a conversationalist when it comes to you and would absolutely have a back and forth with you!! he is also super methodical so i think he could also help with your procrastination!

i also think he’d just adore your major. you’re studying something super cool and i just know he’d like to hear all about it.

speaking of love languages — this man will melt for your gifts. anytime you give him a thoughtful token he will literally treasure it with his entire soul. he loves whatever you give him and is always honored to be the object of your affection. even better, iwa-chan is literally the poster child for acts of service and physical touch! he would absolutely do gestures of love for you and reassure you that you’re amazing. his entire presence tends to be pretty soothing and i just know he’d be really understanding about your anxiety and always make sure you feel okay.

he is definitely out and proud with his partner. it’s a subtle way but he is in no way ashamed of you. you will hear from tooru that he thinks about you all the time. he is patient and caring and would absolutely take care of the bugs for you. i can also imagine him watching movies with you in his free time (i think he would also suggest godzilla at least once — indulge him)

and yes swapping playlists too! anytime you’re on drives i feel like the two of you would swap playlists. also spotify blend <3 he enjoys mixing your taste with his and carries it with him.

he’s a soft and patient lover, and i just know he would absolutely ADORE YOU.

SOME QUICK HEADCANONS

- iwaizumi would ABSOLUTELY start to read whatever mangas and watch whatever shows you like. it’s his way of staying connected to you.

- will lend you his hoodies as a subtle act of “hey you see bee. that’s my girl.”

- finds all your merch absolutely adorable. will take the time to learn the history behind each and every single one.

- he’d find your love of teaching just so amazing.

- he love love loves your pink hair. if you’re into hairstyles he would totally learn them just to have the chance to feel it and pop a forehead kiss on you

a song i think would be cute for you two is:

fluorescent adolescent from artic monkeys - light and energetic like your relationship

another potential song could be the walker by fitz and the tantrums

oh and maybe even body talk by red velvet

[jibbi]

Am I...lesbian?

Happy last day of Pride Month! I feel like I really haven't done much of anything this month in honor of pride, so I want to write a post about my identity. Maybe some people can relate to my own experience.

So, my whole life, I dated, hooked up with, and had endless crushes on men. It's always boys, boys, boys. However, when I was 18, I started identifying as bi after realizing I liked a girl in my class (in the midst of a serious relationship with a man). But, I've always been too scared of actually pursuing anything with a woman - I'm used to dating men and there are many people in my life who don't know I'm bi.

But, I really started questioning things during a (close to) 3-year period of being single, from 2020 to 2023, and even questioned it in my most recent relationship with a man (which ended 6 months ago). I feel like me jumping from guy to guy, trying so hard to make something work with them feels performative, like I'm trying to prove to myself that I'm comfortable enough dating a man and not confuse people in my life who don't know I like women, too. It seems like comphet behavior.

One big thing is what seems like self-projection. I have a lot of friends who identify as bi, too, except they're all with men. I always make that judgement in my mind "don't they feel like they're missing out? How are they so in love with him when they could be in a potentially happier relationship with a woman?" There's really no reason for me to be making that judgement, but I realized it's something I do a lot.

I've also identified as being on the asexual spectrum because I lack the desire to even simply learn and explore sex on my own, let alone with guys I've seen. I've always been like that. And the times I've had sex, there's physical pleasure but not so much emotional pleasure.

I'm not automatically jumping to the conclusion that I'm a lesbian, but I've picked up on a number of signs here and there, to a point where there's a list of 20-something signs that I might be.

Exploring your identity can be really difficult and it can be quite a challenge to determine what is and isn't comphet behavior. But, know you're not alone in figuring it out - I hear you and understand completely.

[urlocalsadkid-l]

HEY BABES HRUUU TELL ME ABT YOUR DAY (if you arent too sleepy!!)

NEW DAY, 6 HR OF SLEEP - SICK AGAIN

so my sister had to take me to school yesterday cause my mom got a flat so my dad couldn’t take my other sister and i, then when i got to school my bf wasn’t standing in our spot and then sent me a large paragraph as soon as i got there and i almost started crying then my bff showed up and i was crying (i feel safe around her so im able to cry around her), then it was time to go to our lockers and i was still upset

then in 1st our we went outside and played frisbee, 2nd hour im stuck on my project still and am working really slowly, 3rd we read, 4th we studied for a test, 5th we still had to play our instruments even though we had a sub, 6th i had a meeting for honors so i missed my class, and 7th it started storming really bad which was amazing but i had to walk home.

then on my walk i walked with a friend which was really nice cause we hardly ever talk and then when we parted ways he was texting and being really clingy. he also said that sometimes he just wanted to hug me (and that he hoped that that wasn’t weird to say), and later i said that i didn’t feel good or something and he said that he just wanted to hold me. with him it’s really dependent on how he feels for how often we talk. like sometimes he isn’t in the mood but that mood lasts for weeks then he’ll have bursts of being super clingy and nice. it’s odd.

anyway, sorry for the ramble. how was your yesterday? (or today, whichever is more eventful??)

[ostermad-blog]

📖, 💡?

Two excellent questions. We'll take 'em in order!

📖 My favorite class or playbook from a game.

It's funny, this question. I'm someone who prefers to run games rather than play in them, so I don't really spend a lot of time thinking about classes/playbooks unless I'm designing a game (my current project has had me doing a lot of reading over different playbooks for inspiration). So I'm going to cheat and give you two answers.

The first answer is the Ghelf from TheOriginalCockatrice's game Troupe. The Gelf is a preening pissant, someone petty and small and full of self-importance with a flair for the dramatic. They are hard and bitter but believe themselves to be loving and sweet. They are in so much agonizing denial that my heart hurts to think about it. I think TheOriginalCockatrice did a phenomenal job expressing the ghelf's wretchedness, their vulnerability, and their allure.

The real answer is the one I am embarrassed about, the one I knew was my answer as soon as I read the question, the one class that has stuck with me since I read it as a middle schooler in the Complete Warrior book for dnd 3.5. I feel like an indie ttrpg poser that my favorite class is one from dnd, but let me talk to you about the Warshaper and maybe you'll see why it has been in my bones since I was 13.

The Warshaper is a prestige class, something that doesn't exist in dnd 5e (thank goodness). Prestige classes had to be built into, you had to multiclass in just the right way, do the right in-game things to qualify, take the right character customization options. And some of them were utter garbage and some of them were incredibly powerful. Like many things in 3.x, there was a kernel of a good idea somewhere in there, but the implementation was horrible.

The Warshaper's most onerous requirement was that you had to be able to change your shape, to transform from one body to another. A wizard's polymorph would do, as would a druid's wildshape. As would being a werecreature, as well. And the central premise of the Warshaper class was: what if you could change your body better? Now, this was dnd, so the implementation was all about combat - you can grow more natural weapons, they do more damage, you can rearrange your organs and muscles to make you immune to critical hits, your limbs can extend up to 10ft away from you. But the idea behind the class was immediately compelling, and as a deeply, deeply closeted trans teenager, as soon as I read this class I knew I wanted to be it, in a powerful and personal way. I also, being a deeply, deeply closeted trans teenager, never attempted to build a character that could take the class. I thought about dnd a lot more than I played it, and I made dozens of characters. And I was never brave enough to make someone who could transcend their body-of-birth and take this class, at least not until many years later, in college, when I played my first female character. Playing her was probably the closest I came to realizing I was trans until my egg actually did crack.

So, yeah, the answer I like to that question is the Ghelf. My real answer is the Warshaper.

💡 A game that inspired my own design or creative practice

Here I have many equally true answers. Honorable mention to dnd 3.5 for being so poorly designed that I had to start designing for it to patch up the gaps and salvage something good from it.

The actual answer, well, one of them, is Kazumi Chin's Rogue 2e, which is a love letter to the OSR and storygame ttrpg genres. Rogue 2e is an elegant game. It uses as few rules and mechanics as possible to communicate worlds of potential. Chin's game really opened my eyes to indie ttrpgs more broadly and proved that the adventuring ttrpg experiences I had grown up on could be built in so many more ways than I had thought possible.

Another answer, and the last I'll give for now, is Alexis Smolensk's D&D. Smolensk is a phenomenal writer and his blog (tao-dnd.blogspot.com) is an invaluable resource to anyone looking to run, play in, or design adventure ttrpgs. He has been building his world and expanding his rules for decades with the care and artistry of an expert craftsman. He showed me what adventure games could be, that the skills involved in running them could be deeper than I had ever imagined. I will spend the rest of my life trying to meet his skill level, and I hope that one day people playing in my setting can have half the fun I had playing in his.

[arcstral]

ooc; TOA Anniversary Munday!

Celebrating TOA and the people who contribute to make our group what it is. Repost, don't reblog. Only fill in what you feel comfortable sharing! Happy anniversary, TOA! Here's to many more years spent together.

Name: Soji

Pronouns: She/her

Birthday (no year): October 14

Where are you from? What is your time zone? United States. Both my parents are from South Korea. East coast resident (EST)

Roleplay experience: A little over 13 years of roleplay experience

Got any pets? One chinchilla affectionately dubbed Souji Man and a 'Shavanese' dog (short-haired Havanese) named Happy

Favorite time of year: Autumn

Some interests and things you like: The holy trinity of cosplaying, writing, and drawing

Some fun facts & trivia about you:

— I joined TOA during the peak of Covid quarantining in 2020 when there was a huge convention dry spell. The indie roleplay scene for Fire Emblem during this time was uneventful too. Having no productive outlet for cosplaying or writing, it lead me to join my first RP group which was (jazz hands) TOA

— My zodiac animal is a rabbit

— I have hundreds upon hundreds of hours clocked on Super Smash Bros from Brawl to Ultimate. You'll never guess who I main.

What non-Fire Emblem games do you play? Final Fantasy XIV, Project Zomboid, Phasmophobia, Touken Ranbu, and Stardew Valley in order of frequency.

Favorite Pokemon type & Pokemon: I like bug types; my favorite Pokemon is Scizor. While not Pokemon my favorite Digimon, Kabuterimon, is also a bug. Honorable mention goes to Greninja.

How did you get into Fire Emblem? Saw Shadow Dragon in my local Gamestop one day and didn't buy it even though it stuck out to me with its somber and less colorful boxart. Next time I saw a Fire Emblem game in the store, i.e., Awakening, I bought and played it. The rest is history.

What Fire Emblem games have you played? If we're talking start-to-end I've played and finished FE1, FE3, FE7, FE9, FE11, FE12, Awakening, SOV, 3H, and Engage. The remaining games in the series I've played to either early or mid game.

First Fire Emblem game: Awakening

Favorite Fire Emblem game: FE11 Shadow Dragon

Any Fire Emblem crushes? FE7 Rath was my first and only concrete FE crush. Marth was initially more of an aesthetic source of admiration though knowing his character better he likely exemplifies the ideal partner. Similar to Marth he's not really a crush, but right now I think a lot about Rafal, ironically less in the realm of looks or perfection and more at his attractive hot-and-cold personality.

If you’ve played the following games, who was your first S support? - Awakening: Chrom - Fates: Kaden was my forecast - Three Houses: Dimitri - Engage: Alfred

Favorite Fire Emblem class: Dracoknight

If you were a Fire Emblem character, what would be your class? Archer. My first class in FFXIV was an archer and my FE tastes will reflect that too.

If you were a Three Houses character, what would be your affiliation? Blue Lions

If you were an Engage character, which Emblem would you Engage with? Marth. Need me a princely ghost boyfriend I mean advisor with a good head on his shoulders.

How did you find TOA? Through Fire Emblem roleplay related tags

Current TOA muses: Marth and Rafal

Who was your first TOA muse? If you don’t have them anymore, could you see yourself picking them up again? Marth is my ride or die Fire Emblem character and that extends to him as a muse.

Have you had any other TOA muses? Besides Marth and Rafal I've also written Xane. Though there isn't a lot of data, my second muse slot historically (and presently) being reserved for dragons tickles me a lot.

Do you think you have a type of character you gravitate towards? Not really. My tastes are unexplainably versatile. I can favor the sweet and friendly golden boy type characters, or the less pristine and morally ambiguous "bad boy" types, and everything in-between. This isn't just true for TOA but also for characters from different series. My friends have a lot of trouble forecasting possible favorites for me because of it.

What do you believe you enjoy writing the most? Emotions. Conflict with those emotions. Mwahahahaha

Favorite TOA-related memory: The first few months into my TOA debut when everything was bright, fresh, and new. Meeting new friends and forging bonds with other characters was super fun and I still remember who was around me during that time. Farina (written by Maxie) is the closest muse to Marth in terms of when they joined TOA and who has stayed to this day.

Got any delusions that didn’t see the light of day in TOA that you’d like to share? I tend to be very stable, loyal, and proactive in my delusions. If they're strong enough I pursue them, like Xane and Rafal. Rath would be among them if I ever replayed FE7 and if I determined having three muses wouldn't make my performance suffer over all.

[romancomicsblog]

What the new "Heroes" of Superman Legacy can tell us about the DCU

To somehow everyone's surprise, it seems DC has jumped the Gunn. (See what I did there?)

While many were convinced the antagonists of the 2025's Superman Legacy would be The Authority, The Elite, or even a mixture of the two, it appears for now it may be a prototype version of the Justice League.

James Gunn has casted three JLA members including Isabela Mercad as Hawkgirl, Edi Gathegi as Mister Terrific, and Nathan Fillion as Green Lantern AKA Guy Gardner.

While the Authority, the Elite, or even another major Superman villain can play a part, I believe the spot of heroes who "do what they have to" may have been taken.

While this is a shocking turn of events, and one that may be regretful as over world building was the death of the DCEU, I do think these castings and choice of characters tells a good deal about Gunns priorities.

You see, unlike Black Adam, which brought together a team Justice Society members who it seemed Warner Bros said The Rock could have, this team seems purposeful.

So let's go through the characters and see their potential for the DCU:

Starting with the one I'm most excited for:

Isabela Merced as Hawkgirl

You thought I was gonna say Green Lantern, didn't you?

Isabela Merced is a fairly young actress, known for roles like Juliet in Hulu's Rosalind, The Widow Queen in Maya and the Queen, and most famously....

Dora Dora Dora the Explorer.

Merced is a bright young talent, who has been consistently working since 2014 and landed decent roles in big projects. Whether she continues on to be a great character actress or a leading actor, adding Merced in the DCU early almost guarantees having a star down the line.

But even more importantly than any of that, Hawkgirl is a great choice to begin a DCU.

Like Clark, she is an alien, a young hero, and a brawler. The two can find common footing and begin a very heartfelt friendship that can last throughout the DCU.

Unlike her counterpart Hawkman who isn't really any interesting, Hawkgirl was a founding member of the team for many peoples introduction to DC, The Justice League and Justice League Unlimited cartoons.

More than that, her betrayal for her home race of Thanagarians is one of the most iconic parts of the show.

If that is part of the larger narrative Gunn is trying to tell, that tells me Gunn is honoring what fans actually love.

Plus having a Peruvian woman play Hawkgirl just makes my Latinx/Hispanic heart happy.

Edi Gathegi as Mister Terrific

I'm glad Darwin is getting another shot at this superhero thing.

Known for his roles in X-Men First Class, Twilight, The Blacklist, and The Harder They Fall, Edi Gathegi has also had a rather impressive career.

I like this trend Gunn has currently with Gathegi, Merced and Corenswet of actors you may recognize but not know.

What's more interesting than the cast is the character.

Mister Terrific is considered the third smartest person in the DC Universe. While he is known to use T-Spheres as a weapon, he also is an extremely skilled hand to hand combatant, a Renaissance man if you will.

To put him in perspective, he often has a friendly rivalry with Batman.

Terrific is a fan favorite character, and one we haven't seen before in film. He can bring a dynamic fighting style, and a perspective of advanced intellect that can challenge Clark. Gunn clearly wants to bring in the characters people love, in a way they don't expect.

Which leads me to:

Nathan Fillion as Green Lantern

Just not the one you're thinking.

I could go into Fillion's history, but you know him. Castle. Firefly. The Rookie. He's an icon.

While he was famously fan casted and even voiced Green Lantern Hal Jordan in several pieces of animated media, Nathan Fillion is now the DCU's Guy Gardner.

Which is, bizarre.

While Fillion is more than a capable enough actor, and has the comedic timing to play the role, I never would've expected a Green Lantern in the first Superman movie, let alone THIS one.

For those not in the know, Guy Gardner is the asshole Green Lantern. He was a football star who suffered a career ending injury in college, and kind of lives in his glory days. He's a more aggressive, often more obnoxious Lantern. Definitely the least heroic of the bunch.

Introducing Guy as the first Green Lantern, and likely leader of the JL that lost their way, makes a lot of sense. It could tempt Clark to be more like Guy, and even better, remind Guy what it means to be a hero.

In any case, character shows me Gunn is not following a specific playbook. There is no order to which Lantern comes first, nor Flash, nor any character.

Which is kind of exciting.

James Gunn has hit us with a huge curveball, basically telling us to expect the unexpected.

Which to me is a breath of fresh air.

Thank you for reading! If you'd like to support me you can follow me on my socials here!