#not even talking self diagnosis here im talking about diagnosing OTHERS. even if u have a diagnosis urself it doesnt mean ure necessarily

[1eeminho]

should be illegal for people to use psychological diagnoses to describe others if they arent psych professionals im soo serious pls stop u do more harm than good.

[bitchin-tubs]

Complain time again tee hee but I’m just like UGHHHH talking genuinely to these ppl is SO hardddddd

With girl A, I spent almost a whole class lecture (friendly) debating with this one girl on why people medically diagnosed as psychopaths and sociopaths are not inherently dangerous, are not narcissistic by default and how ‘masking’ is not a form a manipulation. Her source for all of these… You. The Netflix show…

With girl B, I feel like she’s sooooo,,,, dismissive ?? Idk like I tried to introduce her to my friends once and she genuinely did not gaf. Like I said hi B this is C then she says hi to me and me only. Like my girl C is right here. But at the same time she’s always bringing me into her friend groups which is fine but I dont connect easily so most times I’m kinda just there SPECIALLY if it’s an all men group when I have specially told her I tend to be uncomfortable with men for “no” reason

I was having a conversation with girl A and the topic of autism was brought up, I told her that I think I may be low on the spectrum but there are some things I tend to relate to with autism behaviors, and considering opened up to me about her anxiety and how she had previously talked very openly abt diagnosis I thought maybe she’d get it. I know,,, self diagnosis (u are free to feel any type of way abt it) but idk I thought she’d have any type of nuanced comment about it but I should’ve known from the psychopath talk… I had told her that I find meeting new people very hard, I have difficulty talking to said people and I tend to be very restrictive about who I make a meaningful connection to. She said that my personality is and I quote “mamona” (jerk/snob/asshole ish) and completely dismissed my masking, overstimulation, 10 year old special interest, taking shit to literal and not understanding social cues or instructions as “just being different” yeah so I thought… yknow I might not have autism valid but idk I felt so ignored at that moment

Also don’t think I just unpack shit on her unannounced, we talk and convos play out as they usually do and since the topic was out I was like sometimes I wonder if I have it because of so and so plus she was unwinded with me before so it wasn’t impossible for us to talk abt personal stuff, even though we not so tight we are still close

Another thing I’m very bad at making friends, I think I mirror good enough to have nice interactions with people but not to the point they invite me to shit or talk to me outside of classes. Back when I was in my exchange program I was sharing a room with 3 swifties so I had to pretend to like Taylor swift so I wouldn’t feel singled out, I also watched the summer I turned pretty and witnessed these girls thirst over bad boy #2 when I thought the character was so shitty (the actor is good looking but I’m not attracted to him) and also would also unknowingly spend all-nighters on school nights (as in I didn’t know they were meant to be all-nighters) with them watching a movie I didn’t particularly like and see everyone thirsting over annoying man on screen (one of them was some straight outta wattpad step-sibling story ew, the other pride and prejudice IM SORRY YALL I DIDNT GET THE HYPE 😭 call me uncultured it’s okay

A and B are sólo also hardcore swifties and I can only be neutral abt her otherwise they get on my ass about it and saying I like Taylor swift or her music is too big of a lie even for me

I told girl A about this (or at least a bit) and she said that I should’ve just been me. Girl I can’t be me we were both witnessing a girl being actively bullied (tv show ass bullying they printed a picture of her and drew over it ugly, taped it to her dorm room. Still hurtful and bullying tho) I’m NOT about to ostracize myself

HOWEVERRR these are not my main friends, these are like the friends I made to not be lonely in these extra classes for an American 🦅🦅🦅 diploma. My close CLOSE friends are from my same career classes and they are so much more understanding and can interact more naturally with. So in my day to day I got good genuine friends by my side

I recognize that I can be perceiving these memories differently than how they actually happened, misinterpret their actions and just be in my feeling right now but idk I feel like I’m so difficult and constantly just have to comply with people in order to make others comfortable

[1o1percentmilk]

hi! regarding your social queues post

i feel like i'm experiencing a thing that's a bit similar to what you are dealing with down to the "I'm not autistic but this shit isn't neurotypical" thoughts (and if not, I'm really sorry for an impromptu vent just ignore all of this please and have a kitty ฅ/⁠ᐠ•⁠ﻌ⁠•⁠ᐟ⁠\ฅ)

several of my prev psychologists link it to general anxiety and social awkwardness and yeah, that sounds reasonable, but what bothers me is that idk how to improve

i tend to overthink everything I say to the point where, even though I know what a normal response should look like I can't convince myself that what I said/wrote is articulated in a way that doesn't sound dumb/conveys literally the opposite of what I'm trying to deliver. answering a message after days of silence, which actively worsens my relationships, while I fear that answering with a 'stupid' message would be even worse or agonising over a comment I'm trying to leave on someone's work because, well, I think it's neat and cool and I want the artist/author to know it, but when I start typing my words look wrong and not genuine is a constant thing and I'm tired

and yeah, the worst is comforting people. my friend feels terrible, I can clearly see that and my heart is breaking for them, but I can never find a good thing th say. irl you at least can physically be there((maybe)) but online it's a nightmare

I was always told that words should come from the heart and I never got a feeling that was the case for me which just. i dunno what to do with this

hi hello! no, you're good, I have my ask box open for a reason and that includes venting n stuff like that, i don't mind at all!

yeah this is exactly what i'm talking about... like i have no problem picking up on things between the lines... but i always take too long to respond and by the time i think of something i am either too nervous or the window has passed. in my case, I know its because i have a "slower processing speed" than other people, which i've had since I was little, it's easier to think when i can type on a screen and be able to check if im making sense, but i don't do verbal stuff very well.

i've been in therapy as well, a long time ago, and i've been told i might be on the autism spectrum, and/or have add, but i'm pretty resistant to getting a formal diagnosis or even self diagnosing for some reason.

i think for me, and i don't know if this will help for you, i want to 1) get rid of the... mental block? filter? that my thoughts have to get through before I say something... because sometimes i come up with the thought, but don't say anything due to nerves. that'll help me get more thoughts out there and 2) get more practice with people... which is hard! i tried out both improv and drama club in high school because this is an issue i've been working on for a long time... it didn't really work, but i've learned that there are a lot of... scripts! that i can just use in a pinch. even if its just like, small talk and stuff, or if i don't have anything, i just turn the question on the other person and just listen!

i've been trying to make peace with the fact that i will probably never be as good of a talker as other people, but you and me brother we are probably just meant to be listeners... and nothing wrong with that... there IS stuff we can do to get better at talking, which i encourage. but don't get down out of reason for being quiet.

SORRY that got really long despite me not having alot of good advice but im struggling with it with you, good luck with finding something that works.. if u want to talk u are always welcome here, i enjoyed reading your ask!

[elytrafemme]

actually im going 2 rephrase. im not against self diagnosis & im happy if my experiences can help other ppl figure things out & im sure im a hypocrite bc even my BPD thing is like... well u werent given a questionnaire and diagnosed professionally so none of the other stuff that went into this realization both on my and my therapists end matters. so its like im sure ppl think that im faking this too and by God i am scared that IM faking this lol. 

but what i just get. upset by ig is like... i think bc im in the same shoes but like. sometimes u read info abt mental health disorders & the info is online and meant 2 distill the experience down to be easily understood and ppl are like ok! This Applies To Me bc ultimately every disorder at its basis relates to some kind of human experience it just gets amplified thats all the controversy with the dsm5 etc etc

and i know bc i did that! when i was trying to figure out what was wrong w me (and repressing any part of me that thought it was BPD) i looked into disorders and went Oh Shit Thats Me bc i wasnt looking at testimonials or actual diagnostic info or studies yet i was like. well this summarized version (still from a reputable source or primary source. thats important these arent like random ass websites right) makes sense to Me. i did this with bipolar because i knew i had depressive episodes and i kenw i had periodic hypomanic (which i think at this point is below hypomanic but still some sort of psychological manic response, its complicated i can explain if anyone cares etc) so i was like this is probably it! but when i actually figured out ok how does bipolar affect ppls lives how does it manifest across a WIDE sample i was like oh, no. this doesn’t really make sense at all. 

and when u further deconstruct disorders as like... theres so much overlap and sometimes the traits that could be explained by X disorder are better explained by Y disorder bc to an extent these labels are ‘arbitrary’ (not the right word but u get it), you realize like ok. what im worried about IS valid but these arent the explanations. 

this is all to say that i get it and im not upset at ppl for being in different stages of realizing that. 

i think what upsets me is when i try to articulate 2 people like. here’s my experience w/ this right and its like, already so so hard to articulate bc  how do i capture this in a way that doesnt raise alarm but is inherently alarming but without that element of risk it just sounds too abstract? it sounds very much non maladaptive when i try to take out the parts that are really really bad so even trying to explain why i act the way i act is extremely vulnerable. and then bc i cant explain it ppl are like “oh omg i do that too” or they do the far less favored “girl that’s normal” which ppl, actually do say to me.

and i dont like this idea of ‘trauma olympics’ or comparison or whatever but i do think to an extent its important to emphasize that like... a lot of symptoms are really intense versions of what a person may everyday experience heres a BPD related example right. everyone has had times where they are irrationally hating a close friend of theirs. ESPEC if that relationship is already complicated . so whenever i talk about splitting ppl are like no no thats normal or Oh yeah i get it.

but splitting isnt “i have a complex dynamic w a person i have heavy emotional investment with therefore sometimes i really hate them” and splitting isnt “me and my friend have this underlying tension and now i kind of want them dead”. splitting for me is like... i would throw away my entire future for someone bc there is no no way that anything they want could be morally wrong. and then in the next moment i am CONVINCED i have to kill them because they are immoral and deserve to be hunted down because they are manipulative and vile and abusive. and its the same person and this could be an ENTIRE fucking stranger, ive done this with ppl ive known for like. a total of an hour. 

so its not like im trying to tell people like no you dont have BPD no you dont split etc. but its hard to say like. you dont get it. bc that makes people want to duouble down right!

but sometimes ppl dont get it. and it sucks bc i feel like im at a place where i HAVE to explain whats going on with me (tho ive resisted telling some ppl thank God) but whenever i do i regret it bc they very clearly do not get it and they’re trying but they like. make jokes about me being “actually a horrible person” or talk about how i need medication and its like. if you listened you would remember why i cant do that but at this point i dont think u listened i think the words went to your ears and you forgot what they all meant at all. 

[mistergoddess]

i get rly sketchy on myself about like. my autism diagnosis status being rly ambiguous bc i went thru diagnostic testing as a kid and was put in special classes n shit for a time in public school and essentially never was told what that was about or why i was going thru that and it was never explained to me and it took becoming an adult and learning about autism online to like... unlock those memories and realize what that must have been and the fact that i had those experiences coupled with some of the ways i remember my abuser treating me afterwards and mainly just being called retarded daily afterwards....... makes me think.... like... i was diagnosed as being on the spectrum :) and just never told :) and i cut off contact before making these realizations on my own time so i can never go back and ask what was the truth yk (but would probably never get a real answer anyway) and i've asked my dad who has denied it but also he wasn't in my life growing up much and she likely would have lied to or withheld that info from him as well. and i've found paperwork and planner writings from him at his house that have confirmed that that's what those tests and psychiatrist visits and special classes n stuff were for. SO LIKE. i truly do not know if i was officially diagnosed as a child and i probably never will but i feel like it's likely, and as a teen/adult i've had non-qualified mhps tell me that in their opinion they think i am autistic and would likely be diagnosed if i pursued it from a qualified mhp, and have had ppl close to me confirm like yeah i just thought u were autistic... so given all of that + personal research i do feel comfortable calling myself autistic even w/o an on paper diagnosis. but idk i just get squirrely about it like. it's not something i bring up especially not irl, and i NEVER bring it up in an official capacity unless i really truly need it and i have had to do so like after meltdowns at jobs... but ya idk i feel weird and like imposter syndrome-y about it. mostly i'll only talk about it openly and openly self label w other online ppl who also are self labeled autistic and even then i don't wanna like... overstate?????? how autistic i am???? bc i know ummm my social functioning tends to be quite low but i'm also good enough at masking to just seem like that's run of the mill shyness/awkwardness and then occasionally i can be v socially functional, my sensory functioning is consistently quite low, my independence n self care functioning is mostly fairly high but also has its super low points especially w food and hygiene, but overall i think i land in """high functioning"""" territory even tho i know HF/LF are problematic labels... but idk i just feel like oooo im not ~really autistic enough~ a lot of the times

BUT THEN. i watch vids about autism and interviews w autistic ppl and im sitting here fucking crying bc hearing ppls thoughts and stories and just seeing the way others act resonates SO much with me and it's like OH. oh. yeah. YEAH. fuck.

[transgods]

okaay heres context

basically a few days ago i was hanging out with the new people ive been making friends with from the acapella group i joined this year. we went to like a pub idk i had a few drinks in me 😁 and one of the other ppl was talking about they'd kind of been drafted into looking for nonwhite trans autistic people to do like a research project for one of their other societies theyre in idrk the details and i was like oh i cant think of anyone who ticks off all the categories off the top of my head womp womp sorry cannot help and they (and also the majorityof the group of people i was hanging out with) looked at me kinda funny and was like slowly... are u sure. and i was like ohh u think i am. well im not autistic but i believe in their beliefs (joke phrase that i say semi regularly whenever this comes up) and most of them laughed (joseph w) and one of them was like what does that even meaaaan and i was like 🤷‍♂️

uhh memory fuzzy conversation continued onwards and then the original person was like 🤨 and ur rocking back and forth in ur chair like ur stimming AND TO BE FAIR i was rocking but idk i do that a lot im only very still when im actively trying to be and then i was like ah? and they were like and you just stopped it like ur masking again its okay u dont gotta and i was like internally what do i do now.. because now whatever i do im gonna be thinking about it which body language wise i think comes off as pretty disingenous

tbf most of the people there were austistic so its not like i was getting singled out or anything but i just personally dont think i am? even though ive been told i could be before by someone else completely unrelated.. however i have two cousins who r autistic and theyve both been diagnosed as such since literally as long as i can remember so i feel like if i were then my family wouldve picked up on it by now? idk? i wont deny that im usually extremely careful and self aware whenever im around them though

ok im getting bored of typing out this incoherent ass thing but i will finish off by saying my biggest point in the no autism camp is that i am prettty decent with like. understanding tone and body language and social cues? like i dont take things as Literally as ive been told i would be etc. but (this is lame) ive been watching people in the dunmeshi tag diagnose kabru as autistic and hes kind of sort of just like me fr so 🧍‍♂️yeah. peer diagnosis it is LDHSKDKLSKS

no nuance 2 option poll ill explain context later but this has been... on my mind?

[whyihatetonystark]

as someone who is autistic im suddenly scared of the new influx of autistic!stark fics because for one there might be misinformation if the authors aren’t autistic themselves, and two, they might woobify him even more because some people have a tendency to baby us because of our autism. i just wanna see someone like me written as a normal fucking person, not a super genius or a poor widdol baby but fic writers are gonna make his super genius thing bc of autism or woobify him imjust. ill fight

Anon, I feel this in my soul. People like them make it so hard to talk about the real life issues neurodivergent people have to grapple with. They just perpetuate these stereotypes that autistic people are either infantile or sociopaths, that people with adhd need someone to do everything for them, that people with depression are egoistical and self-centered and that mental illness doesn't have to be treated as long as that person has others who u n d e r s t a n d. I hear this bullshit everyday in my home, no kidding, and I really don't need it on here as well. Also, I would love for some of them to get diagnosed because there are just too fucking many people running around on tungler dot com who tell everyone who listens that they have autism or adhd but never got diagnosed and never got treatment and every time they are absentminded or distracted go like "whoops, guess my adhd is acting up again". I know it can be so hard to get a proper diagnosis but self-diagnosing is not the answer. And it's especially horrible when neurodivergence is used as a knock out argument against people who criticise content creators for the insensitive stereotypes they use to make people pity their fav.

Yes, there are autistics who have it so bad that they need care. Yes, there are people with adhd so bad that they cannot live alone. But I am begging you to stop looking at Tony's asshole behaviour and come away with "that guy is clearly depressed/autistic/has clearly adhd". You make the rest of us looks so bad.

I know that it's hard to find a balance between the real life shit we have to endure and the extreme internet victim mentality we are drawn into on here. Fuck, my mother keeps calling depressed people egoistical. Her husband couldn't stop telling everyone who will listen that he thinks depression, adhd and burnout are a hoax and people should just stop being pussies if his life depended on it. Guess who i'm never telling about me being suicidal in my teens or me grappling with anxiety? Last time I tried my mother laughed and called me insane. And guess who i'm never telling about my suspicions that my brother might have asbergers? Yeah.

But coming on here and claiming the right to speak for an unbelievably diverse, widespread group of people who have completely different experiences with their neurodivergence won't make the ignorant people in your life shut up. All it does is perpetuate these exact stereotypes and cause rifts in a community that needs to be supportive of each other. Stop fetishising mental illness. Stop making us look bad so your fav can have the pity party you think he deserves.

[brownheadedcowbird]

i wish we could be friends tbh, u seem cool and yr outlook on t1d is refreshing (im newly diagnosed and tryin to dispel stigma),,,

hey, diagnosis is a huge change!! the first few years are all about adjusting, believe me, it gets way easier. people can be massive dicks about it and all you can really do is try to educate them, but sometimes u just gotta tune it all out and focus on keeping urself happy and healthy. i always try to look at it like something cool, like, hell yeah my fuckin ORGANS don’t work, i make myself bleed and have a robotic body part, it’s so metal?? you’re badass in a way that they can’t even comprehend.

(people usually think of romanticizing illness as a bad thing, which is valid with regards to other people’s struggles, but i think it also has tremendous power as a coping mechanism- especially with something that can affect self image as much as t1d does. look @ yourself like the beautiful and tragic protagonist of a sappy medical drama, a gritty sci-fi action cyborg robocop, whatever tf u need! we have to make our own fun here!!)

sorry this got so long and off topic haha i have a lot of feelings :/ BUT i know how hard it is, especially at first- come talk to me if u want advice or just need another diabetic to vent to! i promise i'm very friendly :)

[flarebossmalva]

hey! im writing a story in which one of the main characters has DID. it's not a central part of the plot or anything, but i wanted to know if u had any opinions or tips or whatever on how to write a DID character (as a singlet ? i think thats the word), or if i should even do it at all. thank u and i love ur blog

i’m dumb as shit i forgot this was in my inbox and you asked me this like 6 months ago

disclaimer, i am a writer with DID but i’ve never written a character with DID so this is just going off my experience having DID and not my experience writing about it

under cut

first off avoid online sources that talk about “natural multiplicity” or tulpas or any of that astraea’s web shit. there’s a lot of misinfo about what DID is actually like bc it’s such a sensationalized disorder. make sure the source looks reputable! 

the leading theory on how DID develops is that it stems from childhood trauma that happens sometime before age 8 (that’s when children start to develop a unified sense of self, so a traumatic event later than 8 or so doesn’t cause DID). most people don’t figure it out or get diagnosed until they’re older, and it’s possible to form new alters later in life (in response to more trauma, typically). 

your character is going to have comorbid disorders! i was in a psych ward specifically for people with dissociative disorders (not just DID, but stuff roughly in the same ballpark) and everyone there had comorbid PTSD and a mood disorder (major depressive and bipolar were the most common). people with DID tend to meet criteria for upwards of 5 other disorders, and of course disorders interact with each other (bipolar episodes make my dissociation worse), so put some thought into exactly what kinda fucked up mental health cocktail your character has got going

dissociative amnesia! writers have trouble with this one. the tendency seems to be to write characters with DID where the host is completely unaware of the alters. i think in real life that’s extremely unusual. i don’t always know what the others are up to, but i definitely know they’re there! they know about each other, too. 

having a child alter is really common. having a nonhuman alter is also common. if you’re me your kid alter is also nonhuman (luka, baby cat), but idk how common that is. 

systems can have anywhere from 3 to hundreds of members, including the host. you can pretty much pick any number above 3 but obviously the more members there are the more confusing it gets both as a writer and as a reader. probably between 3 and 10 is good?

you have a little creative wiggle room here because DID is pretty variable from person to person and it’s still poorly understood from a medical perspective. if you keep the diagnosis criteria (easily googleable) in mind when writing, it’s gonna be hard to go wrong, i think

[smallblanketfort]

How did you get diagnosed with bpd? Did you suspect it before? How did you deal with it? Did you feel like anything changed after a diagnosis? Do you feel like people treat you differently when they know you have it? How do you deal with all the negativity around the diagnosis? ps: sorry for so many questions

it’s okay. i feel like a smart person would say, come off anon and let’s chat, but u know what, i’ll totally embarrass myself for the common good. oh man.

short answers. click keep reading for the in depth, tmi answers.

How did you get diagnosed with bpd? Did you suspect it before? short answer: self dx followed by psych. yes. kind of.

How did you deal with it?short answer: i feel like i’m still “dealing” with the diagnosis, and my stance on it changes constantly lol, but probably better in the beginning. it didn’t really change a ton for me, bc i felt like it was just a word for what i had already been experiencing. i decided not to tell anyone, so i didn’t feel like things had changed. at the same time i refused to believe it. i have tables and tables of notes in my journals, trying to convince myself in and out of it. i did know that to be healthy, i needed to acknowledge it. i tried.

Did you feel like anything changed after a diagnosis?short answer: it brought some clarity, some understanding and validation, that i think really helped me. sometimes it brought hopelessness, sometimes motivation. i mean, i was still the same person, just with a label. it started me on a road i referred to as resurfacing.

Do you feel like people treat you differently when they know you have it?short answer: depends on the person and how much they care about you as a person.

How do you deal with all the negativity around the diagnosis?short answer: i dont lol

babe i hope this helps a bit and idk. im being honest here, so idk how much comfort is here, but if you find any, good. be safe. lmk if you have other questions! happy to answer.

How did you get diagnosed with bpd? Did you suspect it before? short answer: self dx followed by psych. yes.long answer: i had a slight mental breakdown in uhhhh fall 2015-january 2016, and i work at the library which slows down in the winter. i was going a little nuts with nothing to do one day in late december/early january, so i planted myself in the mental health section and read all the requirements in dsm-iv book for mental disorders. i think i was half curious and half knew something was wrong. i had dealt with depression and anxiety in the past, but i felt mentally dizzy all the time, if that makes sense. just generally unstable and lost and worried. Not Okay. self harming and finding comfort in it. i was totally bleary going through my daily life and i felt extremely unstable in my relationships. i also was trying to work through this whole hallucination/voice in my head thing that sparked it in september(?). so i remember taking these books to the break room and taking these convoluted notes on tiny scraps of paper, trying to make sense of what was happening. i found the notes a couple weeks ago, and it was really weird, but i was so careful about it. i really didn’t want to feel like i had anything, but i was getting desperate. i would copy out the requirements and tally up what i had. i remember contemplating a couple things i knew i could diagnoses with by a doctor who didn’t care, like avoidant pd, but i realized it was definitely not the one, at all. when i read bpd, it took my breath away. i was shocked, bc it was like reading a book about myself. i remember getting goosebumps, and shaking. i spent months researching and researching it, trying to convince myself i didn’t fit the criteria. at the time i was in several psych classes, and one of my professors had us write a 15+ page paper about our own life and psych development. it was hella weird, but i ended up pouring myself into it and my psych prof, who runs his own practice was like “Lol yeah omg” and we chatted a bit and sure enough, i am most likely a bpd bug. i’m not “formally” diagnosed but i have talked to several psychologists at my universities about it and they’re all like “lmao yeeeah” so

How did you deal with it?short answer: i feel like i’m still “dealing” with the diagnosis, and my stance on it changes constantly lol, but probably better in the beginning. it didn’t really change a ton for me, bc i felt like it was just a word for what i had already been experiencing. i decided not to tell anyone, so i didn’t feel like things had changed. at the same time i refused to believe it. i have tables and tables of notes in my journals, trying to convince myself in and out of it. i did know that to be healthy, i needed to acknowledge it. i tried.long answer: idk!? like on one hand i was relieved like “okay so this is a thing with a name, now i can start attacking it. i was really good at mood tracking for about 6 months. no more lol. anyway, i still go through acceptance/denial cycles constantly. just today, i decided to watch youtube videos about it to prove to myself that i didn’t have bpd. my reaction? o shit i guess i have bpd. every couple weeks ill come across an article or video or something about it and they’ll talk about other quirks of bpd and it’s so accurate it’s scary. but kinda cool (like perceptions of time and such that dont really hurt anything, but i thought everyone had. whoops. just my bpd showing again lol) it’s like when i climbed over a wooden fence in colorado and realized i had a sliver in my leg and then when i got it out, i realized i had another sliver in my leg and then when i got it out i realized i had another sliver in m-and so on. it never stops really. maybe it’d help if i told more ppl. idk. 

Did you feel like anything changed after a diagnosis?short answer: it brought some clarity, some understanding and validation, that i think really helped me. sometimes it brought hopelessness, sometimes motivation. i mean, i was still the same person, just with a label. it started me on a road i referred to as resurfacing.long answer: i mean, i was still the same person, just with a label. it definitely brought gravity to it. sometimes it made me hopeless (can you even recover from a personality disorder?), but sometimes it brought me hope bc i wasn’t alone and there are coping methods made esp for me. it helped me understand myself and why i did what i did. it helped me be more proactive, and im getting better at it. it helped me accept some of my quirks, and helped me communicate. it’s a constant learning process like battle.

Do you feel like people treat you differently when they know you have it?short answer: depends on the person and how much they care about you as a person.long answer: lmao so like i haven’t told my parents yet, didnt have to since i was over 18. lately my mom is becoming more aware tho i think, and she’s being really supportive. my friends (irl and online, they all know) are really supportive and patient and encouraging and kind. they’re so great. the two ppl i dated since were lovely. about a month after diagnosis, however, i told my boyfriend of the time whose only response was “why didn’t you tell me this before i got emotionally attached to you?” :-) THAT fucked me up, but i still think it’s fair. lately im super worried about it though. 

How do you deal with all the negativity around the diagnosis?short answer: i dont lollong answer: so i had never heard of it before 2016 sooo i actually don’t really know about the stigmas even now? i try really hard not to hear about any of it, bc if i do, im going to shrivel and not have the confidence to be open about it, which really helps me and my relationships. being open about it is what destroys the stigma. at the same time, im totally terrified of telling my family for some reason. my mom used to say anxiety was a hat i put on, bc she was a nurse in the mental ward, so her view of mental illness is basically of non to low functioning people. she;s a lot more supportive and validating of it now but idk i cant.OKAY ALSO negativity with recovery high key sucks. for a solid year i was convinced that there’s no recovery and i’ll probably kill myself before im 27, im so screwed blah blah blah, but then i FINALLY starting finding resources that consistently said 50% of adults find themselves recovered after ten years. im also really working hard on self care and coping rn. making good choices for myself to hopefully stay as healthy and happy as possible.

lmk if you have other questions!

xo

[asterlark]

heyy long time no personal post. ive been thinking a lot lately and i think i might be autistic and the more i think about it the more it makes sense? theres certain things i do that arent explained by my anxiety or depression that really make sense if i think about autism like

i have extreme food anxiety bc i have such bad sensory issues when it comes to food so i only eat things i know i like and i get super anxious at the prospect of eating new food especially when it’s in a place with other people

im a stickler for routine and i like to do things the same way, going outside of this makes me feel weird/anxious and i feel super panicky if i dont have a plan when im going somewhere or doing something

i cant stand ambiguity like i cant do like “yeah maybe we’ll do this thing maybe we wont” i need to know if it’s going to happen or not, i need to know whats going on so i can plan accordingly

i have a really hard time focusing on some things and it makes me so overwhelmed i cant do anything

i always need to either be eating something, chewing gum, or doing something with my hands/body i literally cant be sitting still and quiet

im literally never not thinking which is why i have insomnia bc i cant fall asleep without thinking over 2343253 things; i talk a lot around people im comfortable with but i still feel like 99% of my thoughts are internal bc im just constantly processing

work is hard bc i never know if im acting ‘normally’ if that makes sense? & like this is partially the anxiety too but i have a script for what i say to customers and if something happens to where i have to stray from the script i get super flustered and it takes me a second to readjust

idk thats just some things, theres more stuff i cant really articulate here but i basically just dont know what to do bc.. i really dont care about a professional diagnosis lol like i just dont care. i know they’d look at my other illnesses & be like you already have these things, you just think you’re autistic shut up go home. and i 100% dont wanna talk to my family either bc my brother’s autistic & very different from me so they’d prob look at him & me and say no way could i be autistic. which sucks bc autism diagnoses are super skewed towards boys and it makes me question what im feeling even more and idk

i guess what im looking for is like, if anyone who follows me is autistic wants to offer advice or resources? i’ve been looking at resources online for women with autism (even tho i dont necessarily id as a woman thats the closest i got lol) and so much of it really, really resonates with me so i feel like im not just being ridiculous here? but i wanna have some other perspectives from folks themselves and maybe if you self diagnosed like how you came to that conclusion and how you knew and stuff like that. idk its not like im gonna use this info to go to therapy or get meds or anything bc like i said i do not care about a ‘professional’ opinion i guess i just wanna know for myself? so yeah. idk. help would be very much appreciated and thank u in advance <3

[dbtgroupjournal]

TW// mentions and breif description of abuse, discussion of mental illness, mentions of suicidal thoughts

my name is madison, im 18, and i use she/her and they/them pronouns. im lucky enough to have gotten diagnosis for my issues and have a supportive dad. my parents are divorced since i was around 5, and my mother was emotionally abusive and occasionally neglectful since i can remember. i am no longer in contact due to the abuse escalating and things getting physical, combined with refusal to attempt therapy and options to make our relationship less harmful for the both of us. i was diagnosed with adhd, depression, and generalized anxienty disorder when i was 11, and later a binge eating disorder at 17, but dealt with it for a few years

(long description now lol)

this assessment was prompted by a call to a hotline while at my mothers. my binge eating disorder was diagnosed later, and i believe part of the reason i developed it was the body/food based shame and restrictions that were a part of my mothers abuse. adhd has pretty much fucked me over in the school area, barely passing only due to test scores. i test super well, but executive functioning makes homework hard. ive tried a lot of medication over the years, and im currently on concerta. my depression has been there most of my life, coming in waves and ive also switched those meds a few times. im currently recovering from a bad episode, and considering changing meds based on a genetic test i got that evaluates med effectiveness. im currently on lexapro. my history of depression symptoms have been inability to perform basic tasks, like putting off leaving bed to use the bathroom until about to pee urself, not showering, not talking to others, u know the basics lol. i havent had a history of self harm, only attempted it once, and used nails to scar legs during a panic attack once. my suicidal thoughts were never really acted on and were mostly just let me sleep forever or go into a coma, but when paired with panic attacks, things have gotten close to serious attempts. my goal in life is to just fuckin try at least lol. ideally i would get my bachelors in biology and go on to work in research lab jobs. honestly i dont have too much hope. i know i am smart enough for it, i was able to get a 34 on the act and can learn quickly, but my adhd effects my way of doing things and getting that degree and maintaining a job is going to be the problem. ive barely even made it here without dropping out. it just makes me really mad that neurodivergent ppl arent able to do the shit they are talented at bc the world as it is is not really made with us in mind. thats pretty much it. expect my posts to be mostly like vent posts, and cool stuff i learned from the group in a better format occasionally. stay safe everyone and i hope some of my posts can feel like a friend infodumping on you or venting to keep you company at the very least, and helpful and applicable coping skills at best :) even if you join me for just a post or two, thank you for coming and reading ❤❤

[dbtdays]

Im studying the book the best i can. Next month i’ll start therapy again. It has been over a year. I didn’t end things on a happy note with the therapist she was annoying me and stopped being a good listener and told me i was wasting her time, so smart me just gave up kn therapy. I wanna read all i can about DBT, i want to print exercises and have a rough idea of what areas i wanna work on, i dont want her to control the sessions. She just forces me to do mindfulness techniques without context or pointers or useful distress tolerance things, but hey she’s the best i can get here. Maybe she changed it has been like 16 months. Any way i want to get better, i AM better, i wanna stay good and even improve i am willing to work on my self.

I would advice anyone, teenagers or middleagaed or business women/men (capitalists are inhuman) to R ad Up On Therapy, learn from the perspective of A Therapist

Look up exercises on your own, watch ted talks, follow tumblrs and print out articles, especially young patients like me. It gives u a sense of power, and might even increase ur trust in ur doctors and therapists. They hate when u suggest a diagnosis for some reason, in all fields of medicine, but that should NOT discourage u from researching and reading, just make sure to diversify ur sources, and look into official shit, websites that end in .org or .gov or u know.

Have a background, remember ur past independently of ur sessions. Listen to other patients, not as mentors but rather as colleagues or classmates, they could be dumber than u or skarter than u, either way listen and talk.

Therapy is not one sided, it’s not even dual work, it’s a lot of effort and a balance of trust and independence.

Read up on meds, read up on diagnoses, read up kn therapy styles, guidbooks technique, Don’t just stick to patient autobiographies, don’t read an unquiet mind then calk it a day

having a sense of control not feeling like a doll they experemnt on and try to fix randomly, but being an active agent in the process of understanding ur self, finding a centre with in yourself, building on and shaping what is yourself.

I love you. Stay safe.