#not even kidding look up Adam driver pictures of him young he looks like one

[sluttylittleslashers]

I just called him a cat

[saintescuderia]

STUCK ON THE PUZZLE // DR3

(a pancakes! one-shot)

AKA - how daniel's famed 2018 monaco win was the beginning of the end

series masterlist here :) // the pancakes recipe here :)

A/N: hi there. apologies for being mia. lot of life changes. here's something i started pre-hiatus. also shout out to dr3, mans had such an impact on my life. the prince who would've been king. words: 9.6k (strap yourself in kids) warnings: angst. like a whole lot. breakup. bit of cheating. etc. (was cathartic to write tbh)

You loved Daniel. 

You had loved Daniel with your whole being. 

Because Daniel was not someone to take half-heartedly. People either loved him or hated him - there was no in between. And when you first properly met Daniel, sticking chopsticks under the gums of his mouth to make a young Max Verstappen laugh after a bad race, you found your mouth falling open at the sight of such person. 

“Hi! Nice to meet you. I’m Daniel!” He had smiled with his whole face, eyes crinkling even all those years ago when the sun had yet made its mark on his face. A younger, fresh-faced Daniel still smiled with his whole being. Seeing Daniel smile made it feel as if the sun had decided to stop shining on the world - and, instead, focus all its rays onto you. A singular sort of warmth filled you from head to toe as you met the famous Red Bull driver who somehow made everything around him a few shades lighter, warmer, more yellow. 

Love. 

You fell in the category of people that loved Daniel Ricciardo. 

To say that you fell in love then and there would be an insult for the love that steadily grew within you for the beautiful boy who lit up your entire world. Because he did. Every time you walked into a room and found him there, you found yourself able to breathe easier. It was as if you finally could gasp at air, unaware you had been holding your breath until then, until you saw him.

When you would later talk to your therapist about it all, you would compare to when you were younger and had really bad asthma. 

“Daniel was like my puffer. I could breath easier around him.” You had said. “Now it just feels like I’m drowning again.” 

The first time you had properly hung out with Daniel, it was because of Max. Your best friend had dragged you to some campfire that Daniel was having with a bunch of his friends. You felt awkward and out of place since Daniel had invited Max - not you. Still, Max was adamant you come. At the very least, you could keep each other company. Or so Max had argued by way of finally convincing you.

And so you followed Max through the nice looking beach house Daniel had rented out. It was even more picturesque with the sun that was just about to set. Your grip on the two cases of beer you had brought with you now becoming a lifeline as the social anxiety set in. 

Walking closer, you heard music. Soft strums of a guitar playing. It was interrupted by a loud round of raucous laughter. You took a deep breath. 

Daniel was playing the guitar. He was laughing. And you finally exhaled. 

God, he looked beautiful. There was no other way to describe him.

Your crush aside, even a blind man had to admit it. The whole scene of him was beautiful. To this day, you could paint the picture clear as ever. The black and white striped Stüssy shirt, the bright pink board shorts and the bare feet. Tattoos spotted all over his body.

He was sitting right in the middle of everyone, a half drunk corona light - lime, not lemon - pushed in the neck of the beer bottle by his tattooed thigh. The flickering lights of the dancing flames shining on his tanned skin as the sun continued its slow decent to the horizon behind him.

“Ah, here they are!” Daniel said, putting the guitar away as he spotted you and Max. His smile grew and he stood up to dap Max. You, however, were awkward as fuck. You gave a general wave to everyone else, the boys nodding or holding up their beer in greeting. You suddenly realised how there were all guys here and felt even more out of place. 

But then Daniel turned to look at you. 

“Uh, hey. I brought more beer.” You immediately said because you weren’t sure what else to say.

“Oh, thank you! Legend!” Daniel said, taking them from you and setting them down. He then turned to give you a hug and you found yourself holding back. His arm went right around you and you wanted nothing more than to that just melt into him. Did everyone find him this cuddly?

“Did you find the place alright?” 

It took you a second to realise he was asking you, and not Max. Daniel’s eyes were on you. His big brown eyes and the wide smile, teeth and all. On you.

“Uh, yeah. Actually no.” You said, realising you were just on auto pilot and needed to snap out of the nerves. “Max wouldn’t listen to my directions.”

“Tsk, Maxie. You need to listen to her. Look what listening to her got you.” Daniel said to the boy behind you who was now sat, holding a beer. Max had recently been upgraded from Torro Rosso to Red Bull and, as such, now went to social events like Daniel Ricciardo's private hang outs.

Though why Max made you come with him was beyond you. 

“You’re lucky to have a trainer like this one, mate.” 

You had to steel yourself from that compliments Daniel was giving you. You watched him open the esky and dump the beers you had bought into it. He then pulled a cold bottle out and opened it to shove a lime into the neck. Daniel then turned to you, hand slightly outstretched. “I’m gonna guess beer is okay since you brought more?”

“Yeah, no worries.” You said even though you were trying to cut and technically weren't supposed to drink. It was one of the many reasons you thought it not fitting to come but Max had just dismissed a hand anyway.

You watched Daniel use a keychain to open the bottle lid and felt the need to also explain, “Max kept saying I should come but I didn't realise it would be all guys and - ” You were interrupted as Daniel handed you the drink. “- oh, thank you.”

“Don’t worry. I wanted you to come. I told Max to bring you.”

“You… oh.” You found yourself unable to form a response at that. Your body did that for you. Your cheeks warming up with the blush that set in. 

“Yeah. You’re cool. And we always have fun so it’s nice to shoot the shit outside of the garage and all the cameras of the Paddock.” Daniel said. “But, uh yeah my bad. I hope you don’t mind us guys. All these guys are lame and don’t have any girlfriends.” He raised his voice, aiming the last part at his friends who were all sitting just to the side. 

One of his friends flipped him off. “Oi mate, neither do you!”

“Yet.” Another said quietly, taking a sip of his beer as he did so. The friend beside him laughed. You found yourself blushing even more and you wanted to meet Max’s eyes - but the idiot was too busy looking up at the sky. 

Fuck's sake, Verstappen.

“Anyway, listen since we finally have a girl here you can give us advice.” One of the boys called out as you came to sit down. You ignored how Daniel didn’t go back to where he was sitting before, opting to sit next to you on a log that was definitely too small for two people. “So our mate Tommy here is slowly falling into the friend-zone. Tell him what he needs to do.” 

And so the night passed where you hung out with Daniel Ricciardo and his friends. The sensitive soul, Tommy, who was in love with his neighbour. The trainer Blake who had known Daniel since they were both three years old - and it showed in how many inside jokes they had. The cousin Corey, who worked as a teacher and was a serious lightweight. Then, of course, there was Max. You hadn’t realised how close Daniel and Max had gotten but seeing them outside of racing suits put a new perspective on their friendship with how integrated Max was with the rest of Daniel’s friends.

It all made the imposter syndrome deepen. Even though the boys included you in the jokes and explained the context behind all their stories, you couldn’t get it out of your head. Why were you here exactly?

And so on the drive back home, you grilled Max. Incessantly.

“Daniel called me said if you would be down. I said yes.” Max explained. “Maybe it was a mistake. Were you that uncomfortable?”

“Yes. No. They were all guys.” Your response was pathetic at best. That reason wasn’t justification enough. Most of your social circles lay in cars and sports. As such, Max gave you an odd look and you shook your head. The universe, as if to prove the point, Charles’ name came up on the car screen as your phone started buzzing. 

You pressed decline and huffed. Max gave you another suspicious look. “I’ll call him later. I just — “

“What?”

“I like Daniel!” You finally snapped, saying It. “Alright, Max. I like him. And it’s fucking awkward. I can’t hang out with him like I would with you and Charles and the whole thing is fucking messing with me. We work together, he’s your teammate. More than that, he's Daniel fucking Ricciardo.” You finished with a huff. You ran a hand over your face and took another breath. “So next time he asks you just say no."

“Why?” Max asked calmly, not commenting about your abrupt mental break down. Or even the fact that you had just admitted you liked his teammate. 

“Did you not hear me?”

“I heard you. I don’t agree with you. At least, not for those reasons.” Max said. “You and Daniel are cut from the same cloth. I can see it happening. He might need to grow up a little but…” Max pursed his lips. “It’s you and Daniel.”

“Well there's the big thing about him not ever liking me back.” The tone of retort was a harsh but Max ignored it. 

“Who says he doesn’t?” Max said with a shrug and a smile. “I mean, he asked me to bring you there. Daniel never brings just anyone to those things."

You were silent, pressing your lips together. You couldn’t — Daniel was — what? Daniel didn’t like you. Daniel was just a nice guy. That was — no. You couldn’t bring yourself to accept that fact. You had been crushing on Daniel for how long now? From before you even started working at Torro Rosso and saw a charming Australian grinning widely on the podium beside Seb. You’d always noticed Daniel. 

It was Daniel. 

Daniel remembers all too well the first time he really noticed you.

You had been walking by yourself in the Paddock. It had been a windy day and your hair, curls and all, were blowing from the wind. Music had been playing from the headphones Daniel had kept over his ears during the trip to Paddock.

Now, as he watched you, two things happened simultaneously.

Alex Turner’s voice fills his ears with the lyric: “I’m not the kind of fool whose gonna sit and sing to you about stars, girl.”

His brain buzzes with a sole thought passing through his mind: 'God, she’s beautiful.' 

He blinked and pulled down his headphones. Someone called out your name and you turned to look and see that new Torro Rosso kid bounding up to you. Daniel pulled his headphones back up and shook his head. You were in the uniform so he could easily find you later and talk to you but - nah. What would that achieve? If he was going to approach you, it wasn’t to just be mates. He would want your number. He would want - what? A quick fuck? That wasn't uncommon in the Paddock but that could also get messy if you worked in Red Bull's junior team. He didn't know what you'd be like.

All he knew was that you were beautiful.

Maybe that’s why Daniel didn’t know how to act around you. He was nice, perfectly polite. He would joke around - as he did with everyone. But inside he considered the bonus points for every time his jokes brought you to tears. Because he was always secretly waiting to see if you would laugh or not. 

Daniel joined you and Max for track walks, he got you a coffee every so often, sprayed the champagne directly at you when he won. Then he give you a big hug as everyone rushed to congratulate him. And he would count the seconds where your arm was around him. He basked in that. He liked hugging you. 

But he never asked for your number. He didn’t hit follow when he finally found your Instagram. Which was surprising considering how close you two seemed, how well he got along with you and enjoyed your company. 

“Ah, my phone died. Daniel can you call Y/N? And tell her to bring Max with her.” Christian said, sighing at his dead phone that he set on the table. You and Max were late for a briefing meeting. 

“Oh, I don’t have her number.” Daniel said. Some people looked at him. Even Christian Horner frowned in surprise. 

“What? Oh, uh. Okay. Angela can you try?”

“Sure thing.” 

Daniel wasn’t even sure how he got your number. Probably needing to call you for something and Max gave him the number. Or it very well could’ve been Christian giving it to him. Either way, your name was saved in his phone without much intention.

Because he didn’t have any. He couldn’t. 

As always, there was just that something missing. He had something missing.

But he liked spending time with you. He liked seeing you rip into Max for not following the routine you’d planned for him. He liked seeing you talk soccer so enthusiastically with Guenther Steiner or that Spanish Toro Rosso kid. He liked how nice you were to hospitality workers and kids. He liked how knew cars and even managed to fix the temperamental engine in his own car once or twice. He liked that you never got starstruck and were honest and straightforward and that the gym was your safe spot. He liked how you wore your hair with a bandana — even if meant you often got in trouble with Christian for the 'creative liberties' you took with the Red Bull uniform. And he really liked seeing you in a hoodie. He knew you often wore them outside F1. 

All your interactions had been through Formula 1. Daniel thought about it for five seconds before dropping a message in the group chat during the winter break. 

Catch up in the beach villa. 

Then he dialled Max’s number. “Hey Max! Are you free this weekend? We’re planning on having a bonfire, you should come.” Then Daniel paused and added, “And, hey, bring Y/N with you.”

It was only a few weeks later that Max finally just asked him the question.

“Why don’t you just date her?” Max said as Daniel watched you talk to that Spanish junior, Carlos Sainz, about some soccer team you both liked. Daniel knew Max’s old teammate had a thing for you but Daniel wasn’t worried. Carlos would’ve made a move by now if he had the balls. Then again, Max’s question pointed out the very same thing about him. 

“What?” Daniel asked and then grinned when Max gave him a pointed look. “Ah, Maxie. You’re too young to understand love.”

“I understand that Charles is debuting soon.”

“And?” Daniel asked, puffing his chest. He knew briefly of your connection to another driver, some rich Monaco guy called Charles Leclerc. But you’d always spoken of him like he was your brother. You referred to him as ‘bro.’ From how he understood it, Charles was to you like Blake was to him. Best friends that grew up together. 

Evidently not, according to Max. “And I have seen the way Charles looks at her.”

“Yeah?” Daniel said, staring at how Max’s race engineer, GP, called you over and Carlos watched you walk off. Did you not notice this? Carlos was literally all over you. 

“Yeah. It’s similar to how you look at her.” Max said with a huff. Daniel considered this and suddenly looked away from Carlos to stare at his own two feet - and the fancy sneakers you had bought him.

“Look, you like her, yes?” Daniel looked up at Max who was watching him, expectant. He nodded. “So what’s the issue? I said it before - you both cut from the same cloth. And I say that when her and Charles grew up together. You and her have something… you’re the same.” 

You reappeared with GP beside you, papers in hand that he was clearly reading aloud to you as he gestured to Max’s car ahead of the upcoming race in Germany. You were nodding but then looked up and caught both him and Max looking at you. You smiled widely at them, at him. 

From outside the garage, the wind blew, the papers and your hair rustling.

“I’m not the kind of fool whose gonna sit and sing to you about stars, girl…

Daniel stared at you. He liked you. He really, really liked you. And Max had a point. 

… But last night I looked up into the dark half of the blue. And they'd gone backwards.”

“Alright, deal.” Daniel said, looking at Max. “If we win today, I’ll make a move.” 

“Daniel said that he told Max, ‘If we win today, I’ll make a move.’” You said, looking at the young woman with the notebook in the chair in front of you, “He always liked to leave things to chance and stuff. But, he didn’t win. He came second. Maybe that’s why it failed. Bad luck because he didn’t actually win.” You shifted in your seat, the used tissue in your hands half ripped to shreds. 

“Is it not considered a win if they are on the podium?” Your therapist asked, not very aware of the ins and outs of Formula 1. 

“No, only if you come first.” You explained. “Then it’s a win. In Hockenheimring, Lewis won. Daniel came second and Max was third.” 

Louise, your helpful therapist, jumped in. “But Daniel did say we. So I don't think it mattered much who was first or not."

“So then why would he start something if…” You stopped and found the lump in your throat growing again. You looked down at the tissue that was too ripped up to be of much use. Even with your eyes blurring, you still saw Louise push the tissue box over to you. 

“I think that’s the current problem. It’s not very helpful in your state to go down these rabbit holes of if thinking. Because then we can start hypothesising this and that and you’ll fall into more downward spirals.” Louise said. “Any time a thought begins with ‘if’ I want you to try and practice what we said before about curbing those thoughts.”

If. 

It was something you thought about a lot. 

If, in late July 2016, at the Hockenheimring, Daniel and Max didn’t get on the podium. What would’ve happened then? Would you have still have had the tears in your eyes, feeling like you literally burst from happiness? Would you have stared up at Max filled with love and fondness for the boy who was starting to break through all his past hurt and make it. Seeing Max’s hard work finally pay off and placing on the podium had set you off. 

And he was on the podium alongside Daniel. 

Daniel who had somehow wormed his way deeper and deeper into your heart with every passing day. Christian Horner had even waived the family exception of your contract for Daniel because there was no way he couldn’t. You and Daniel were attached at the hip - even beyond the scope of you training his teammate. 

He had starting joining you in your personal workouts - and now was your workout buddy. He had built up a habit of always asking whoever was sat next to you on the plane to switch. To the point that just last weekend Taylor, a nice PR lady, saw Daniel walk in and immediately started unbuckling her seatbelt to move for him. 

Not Max - him. 

You went for coffee runs during your break with him, not Max. You complained about your day to him, not Max. You wore his DR3 merch, not Max’s. And even though Max was yet to release any of his own branded merch, there was no denying it. 

You fell asleep to Daniel’s voice, not Max’s, sounding through your phone after your call duration ticked over the 2:00:00 mark. 

There was always the nagging thought, though. What are we? Where are we going? Daniel had made it clear many times before that he wasn’t looking for a serious relationship, not at all thinking himself mature for those responsibilities. 

But then he would send you pictures of him with his nieces and nephews. But then you would spend two hours on the phone even after being around each other all day. But then he would fall asleep on your shoulder half way through the movie - and you didn’t have the heart to get him to move. And so you slept beside him. 

You had grown up with the Leclerc boys, all of whom you were super close with. And if you got married tomorrow, you would probably get Max to be your Man of Honour. Being friends with boys was not exactly knew to you. 

With Daniel, it was different. From the very first bonfire, you knew it was different. Hanging out with him was different. You did and said things you didn’t share with just anyone. 

You shared your thoughts, your dreams. You told him how your missed your father and still hated your mother. You told him about the bullying. You told him about the feeling of hollowness you sometimes felt - and the fear that it would never go away. 

“You… you actually make it go away. I never feel it when I’m around you.”

“Then I just need to always be around you, huh.”

Daniel had come 2nd and Max 3rd. You still congratulated Lewis’ 1st place but you were more excited to see your boys and celebrate accordingly. You couldn’t contain yourself seeing them spray the champagne. Your phone was out, snapping as many pictures as possible. In that moment, you felt pure joy. Looking up at them, at your boys, you wanted the moment to never end. 

Daniel then leaned into Max and whispered something. He pointed down, down at you. Max followed his hand and suddenly both the Red Bull drivers were looking at you and spraying their champagne directly at you. The people around you cheered and your name was called out amongst all the ruckus of the celebrations. 

Everything after that race passed by as a blur. You couldn’t even tell Louise how it happened. The boys had to go to the cooldown room and then the media with the post-race briefing. However, in amidst all of that, you managed to see Daniel. 

Still in his race suit, the top half hanging off his hips and his entire body and hair drenched in sweat. Your face lit up seeing him walk towards you. 

“Hey, there you are! Wait, aren’t you supposed to be in media? Where’s Max — “

Daniel didn’t even say anything. He just grabbed you and wrapped his arms around you to press his lips against yours. When he eventually pulled back to rest his head on yours, he said something that set you off. 

“Okay, what now?”

You should’ve known. You really, really should’ve known back then. It wasn’t even the wishful if thinking. You just should’ve seen it coming when he was asking you what the next move was. 

But back then, you were too dumb to know better. Back then, you were still trying to process the kiss, let alone his words. Back then, all you wanted to do was kiss him again. 

And so you did. 

Being with Daniel reminded you of one key factor - you either loved or hated him. You couldn’t be indifferent to the guy. He was not to be taken lightly. And much like he was not to be taken light, he also himself did not take things lightly. 

When he laughed, Daniel laughed with his whole body. 

When he cried, Daniel let the sobs wreck through his whole entire being. 

No one saw that, though. Daniel never let anyone get close to that side of him. You had come close, but he always still held you at arms length. Even in the peak of everything, when the sun was shining and the flowers smelt sweet and you two were in the utter bliss of the honeymoon period… he always had a part of him that he didn’t let anyone get to. Not even you. 

You had tried. Many times. But he wouldn’t. 

He would just smile, shake his head and say he was “wired that way.” Then he would shut you off and you would be left to try and pick up the pieces until the door slowly fell ajar once more. 

Because you loved Daniel. You loved Daniel with your whole being. And if all he could give you were these pieces… then surely it would be enough? You loved him, and Daniel loved you. 

He loved you in how he arrived to work every day with your coffee order “extra hot so it’s still nice and warm for you.” He loved you in how he spent the time every night doing your rehab with you after the foot injury. He loved you in the goofy selfies he sneakily took on your phone for you to later find, in the hoodies he bought as “joint custody for me and you.” He loved you in the lyrics he would randomly text you of songs he thought you might like or that reminded him of you.  

He also loved you in how he was always driving you anywhere and everywhere. In the three years you were with Daniel, you probably needed your license once. And that was for the time you had to pick him up from the airport - flowers and sign abandoned on the floor when you saw him walk through the gate and you rushed and jumped into his arms.

He loved you in all of this. He just never said the words to you. 

But that was fine because you still had him. You had the Daniel who ran on the treadmill beside you, who stopped by Max’s side of the garage to give you a hug and a coffee, who cracked jokes when you were stressed and made you feel seen. Any time you felt yourself floating away, Daniel was right there to ground you, the asthma puffer to make you smile and breathe.

So, for a while, you managed to live in bliss. 

Even with all teammate drama, it worked. Somehow. Sometimes you needed to step in between the two highly competitive men and remind them of how they were friends. Occasionally you might use the ‘it’s hurting me’ card which wasn’t the biggest lie. Max was like a brother to you and Daniel - Daniel made you start thinking about guest lists and buying property. The entirety of 2016 and 2017 was marked with such joy from the fact that you had your best-friend and boyfriend always beside you. 

The late night car rides where you and Daniel argued about music. Or the late night Fifa championships where you and Max argued about football. Or, your personal favourite, the early morning meetings where you all three took the piss with an exasperated Christian Horner.

In short, you felt yourself finally making a family for yourself. This wasn’t yo, an added extension of the Leclerc family - this was you and what you had built for yourself.

In fact, you were starting to feel that your world and Daniel’s were becoming all the more closer. Tommy called you every so often for girl advice, Blake and you sending each other gym memes and Corey needing your help to buy Daniel a birthday present. It seemed like the years of loneliness was starting to pay off and God was finally giving you what you had spent so long wishing for. 

Of course, nothing stays the same. The one certainty about life is that everything changes. 

It happened during the Hungary Grand Prix. You had gotten a call from Pascale about a family friend’s upcoming wedding. You had received the invitation from the bride herself not too long after that in a group chat with you, her fiancé and Charles. You four had all gone to school together anyway. 

Her wedding was just over a year away but she wanted to know RSVP’s ASAP because it was happening Monaco and she needed to plan around the Grand Prix. Such was life. 

Not thinking much about it, you told Daniel.

“Oh, yeah sure. May - wait, that’s like… next year?” He said, pausing what he was doing on his phone to stare at you, confused. 

“Yeah. She needs to know responses because I think she’s planning to have it close to the Grand Prix so the venue needs numbers now.” You explained. “But it’ll be nice since you’ll be there anyway and you can finally meet Charles and the Leclercs properly. I can show you where I grew up and - “

“Uh, I mean. Babe, that’s kind of far away.” Your enthusiasm slowly died seeing the tells of Daniel slipping away slightly. He brought his hood up and went back to his phone. 

“Ah… yeah.” You said. For some reason, that feeling was coming back. Panic. Stress. Unease. You tried to play it off. “I can… go with Charles, if you don’t think you can make it.” 

“No. Fuck that I’m your… Charles can - no.” Daniel shook his head. “Look can we just…” He let out an exhale and sat on the hotel bed and pulled up a pillow behind him. “What do you wanna do for dinner?”

“I - “ You tried to think of answer but food was the furthest thing on your mind. You looked down at your phone and Charles’ response to the save the date chat. 

Felicitations ! Of course I will be there with my family !

You knew you had to respond but hated that you couldn’t send your own message with the same level of surety. Will you be there? And with Daniel? The bride was asking how many plus ons to pass the number of heads to the venue. Charles had made it clear. You - not so much. 

“I need to know Daniel.” You said, feeling a bit fed up of not being able to be sure of things with Daniel. “She’s asking me for numbers. Do I put you down or not?”

Daniel let out of very heavy sigh. "Does this really matter right now?"

“Yes it does.” You stuck to your gun. “I mean, what’s the problem? That it’s in a years time?”

“I’m not having this conversation.” He immediately dismissed and went to fluff the pillow, hitting it with a little too much force. 

“Well I want to have it. What’s the problem?” You asked, coming round to stand in front of where he was sitting. “You literally couldn’t even say it before.”

“Say what?”

“Boyfriend. When I said I can go with Charles you said ‘No, fuck that I’m... ’ and then trailed off. Like you always do.”

“I don’t always trail off.”

“Yes, you do! I mean, we’ve been together for how many months and we’ve never even had the conversation about it being official.”

“Are you being serious right now?” Daniel said with a dry laugh. “Seriously? Are we fourteen and kissing in a tree also?”

You frowned and felt the hurt wash over you. It was one thing for him to not understand but to make a joke about it. You clenched your hands into fists, the nails digging into your palms. “Daniel.” You said, trying to be calm. “It feels, to me, like you’re scared to fucking commit.”

“Oh for fuck's sake, babe! What? Because I don’t know if I can make it to a fucking wedding in a year!” Daniel yelled back. He then pushed himself off the bed. “Fuck this, I’m going out.”

“Daniel! We’re talking.”

“Yeah? I’m done talking.” 

The door slammed on his way out. Daniel didn’t come back to the hotel room. Around 3am you texted Max to see if Daniel had gone there instead. 

No, he’s not with me.  Are you okay? Did something happen?

You didn’t respond. You just continued to cry in the pillows of the too large hotel bed. They still smelled like him. 

Max swore it was not because of you. 

But then you saw how cold he’d been to Daniel all weekend. But then you saw the crash on the opening lap.

Max cared about you, and seeing you cry about Daniel pissed him off. 

You heard Daniel swearing on the radio as he spun out of the race. Thankfully, he recovered to 6th, his original starting position behind Max, who also originally started 5th. All in all, it could’ve been much worse. Still, everyone in the garage was fuming. A few members gave you the side eye, knowing your relationship between the two of them. You couldn’t even be mad at the “trouble in paradise” comments because, well, they were true.

You went to Daniel’s driver room and let yourself in. 

“I said don’t bother me for — oh.”

“Hi.” You said, closing the door behind you. You went to him and kneeled down on the ground to bring yourself eye level to him. 

“Shouldn’t you be with your driver?” He asked, not meeting your eyes. 

You took a breath, ignoring it and letting him just let it out. Instead, you forced a smile on your face and look at him with gentle eyes. “I’m with my boyfriend.”

“I can’t say that word, remember?” His voice was sardonic and you rolled your eyes. 

"Can we stop it with the dumb shit?" You said and lifted a hand to his face. "None of that matters right now."

"I thought it did."

"Daniel." You exhaled. "Where do I go home to?"

"What?" He frowned and gave you a confused look that bordered on annoyance. You ignored it and repeated your question.

"Home. Where is it?"

He frowned. "Fucking Monaco? I don't know."

"True. I go to Monaco and dump my bags at your doorway, kick off my shoes by your mat and raid your fridge. Every track, I leave Max's garage and go to your hotel room. You're home. That's all the matters."

Daniel's face changed at your words. Gone were the tells of anger and now you saw something that hurt a little more - the sadness. Daniel being sad felt unnatural. To see the happy-go-lucky boy do anything but smile felt wrong.

"This weekend has been a shit run. Not just on track. But don't think that means I'm not still by you."

Daniel's eyes welled. He put a hand over yours. "Fuck, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

You weren't sure what he was sorry for. So you ignored it. And you smiled at him. "It's okay. I'm here. And I love you."

He didn't say it back. But he hugged you. And for that moment, it was enough.

After a while, a new pattern emerged between you two. 

You and Daniel would be good. In fact, you would get closer and closer. He would get a tattoo of something that symbolised you. You would change your emergency contact to him. You two would get so close in fact that you would continue to be deluded that everything was fine and that you were both on the same page of where you would both heading. 

Then something like your friend's wedding would happen. 

Daniel doesn’t politely reject the advances of the model hitting on him at some PR event. Or he ignores you for most of said PR event. He goes on a three day fishing trip without telling you about it. He gets mad that you planned a week in Hawaii for summer break without telling him.

He doesn’t say I love you back. 

Not that he ever did. It was the common recurrence. But sometimes his lack of response to the three words hurt you more than others. Especially because you would say them hoping that that time would be enough for him to say it. Because you needed to hear him say it. Just once. 

Maybe if he said it, you would’ve been fine. If he said it, then you wouldn’t feel the need to say it less. If he said it, you wouldn’t get hurt when he declined moving in together, when he made up an excuse as to why he couldn't go for dinner with Pascale and the Leclercs.

If he said it, you wouldn’t get mad when he left you at a party to hang out with Heidi Klum or some other Victoria Secret model. If he said it, you wouldn’t find yourself stressing between the hours of 11pm to 3am when he didn’t answer his phone and no one seemed to know where he was. 

You and Daniel would be good, great even. 

Then someone would happen that made you need to bring up the future, the reality of you and him. 

Daniel would then freak out and close himself off. This would end up in an argument. 

And then he would disappear and leave you for the night. Maybe a whole day if it was really bad. 

But he would come home and you would make up and things would seem better, stronger even, as you both got closer. He would get another tattoo, burn you an actual CD mix of songs and whisper sweet nothings in your ear. 

Looking back, that should’ve been the part that made you end it. The toxic cycle you had found yourself in with Daniel was not helping anyone. It was dangerous and damaging and even Max was getting sick of it. “I said you were both cut from the same cloth but I also said Daniel needed to grow up a little bit.” 

Because Daniel wasn’t ready to stop having fun. That fact never became more apparent than it did when it came to the 2018 Monaco Grand Prix. 

And if Max was starting to get tired of you and Daniel, then Charles was beyond over it. 

“Where’s Daniel?” Charles blue/green eyes shone in the sun as he helped unhaul your bags from the taxi. 

“He’s coming later. Apparently, there’s a yacht party. Don’t tell your mum. Pascale invited him to breakfast and I feel bad.” Charles opened his mouth and you gave him a look. “It’s impolite, I know. We just had a fight and I don’t feel like talking about it.”

“A fight about what?” Charles asked, rolling your bags into the Monaco home you and him had grown up in. And it was this very home that you and Daniel had argued about. 

You saw Monaco as a way to be at home with your family - to get your yearly haircut (yes, yearly) from Pascale and visit Hervé’s grave. But it was also time for you and Charles to hang out the house the two of your grew up in. To play Mario Kart with Arthur, workout with Lorenzo or cook dinner with Pascale. You liked to be at home with your family and take it slow. 

Whereas Daniel didn’t see Monaco as this. Instead, he was hitting up every party, every club. He was sleeping on yachts and drinking his weight in mimosas for breakfast. At first, you had accepted it, thinking that maybe that was just the Formula 1 driver life style. 

But Max never did this. And Charles had invited Lando, George and Alex over to play video games and have lunch. A lunch that was likely going to be cooked by you and Pascale. They weren’t going out clubbing or anything. And you saw Carlos Sainz up bright and early every morning when you tapped in at 6am to go the local gym.

No, it was just Daniel being Daniel who wanted to follow any sounds of heavy bass, laughter or glass clinking. Sure, he wasn’t the only person in F1 who did this - quite a few tended to - but you had hoped that now he was with you that he could give Monaco a chance to be a place of calm, a place for family. Weren't you guys growing up and sharing your lives together? Wouldn't that mean he saw Monaco for what it meant to you, and not what he always knew it to be; a hunting ground for a good party.

It didn't help that Charles was always feeding into these thoughts. Like right now when he sighed deeply and went on to say. “The boys are coming at midday.” He said, seeing your lack of response as Charles set your stuff down in the spare room that was, really, just your room. “You’re more than welcome to join.” 

“I might take a nap.” You said, looking at the bed. “Or go for a run.”

“I think Lorenzo was going to go for one.” Charles said. 

“Actually I might go by myself.” You went to unzip the bag but Charles’ hand came over to yours. You looked up at him and Charles quietly used your hand to pull you into him. He wrapped his arms around you and you tucked your head in between his shoulder and neck. 

Then, you started to cry. 

Daniel was driving beautifully.

He finished first in all three practice sessions. Come qualifying, he was one with the car and it would not at all be a surprise to anyone if he got pole position. 

Max was fairing much worse. He had crashed in FP3 and the mechanics had been unable to fix it for ready for qualifying. You knew seeing Daniel do well was only adding salt to the wound and after doing all you could, felt it best to leave Max alone in his room for now. Besides, you needed to see where Daniel finished in Qualifying. 

“Excuse me, where is the VIP section?”

“Oh, who are you?”

“Monica Richelli. I’m a friend of Daniel Ricciardo’s.” 

It was hearing his name that had you turning to look. There in front of you was perhaps one of the most beautiful women you had ever seen. And considering your time in Formula 1 and the constant parade of models back and forth, that was saying something.

However, as your time in Formula 1 had taught you, the constant parade of models back and forth was usually for one thing. Models were never just friends of someone. Everyone knew. You knew. The guest pass, the way she smiled coyly, the fact that this was Monaco.

You wanted to throw up.

Qualifying suddenly became background noise. The rest of the time in the garage you stood there unable to focus on anything else. Monica. Her name was Monica. She has beautiful blonde hair. She has great posture. You stared at the effortless way she stared at the screens with the headphones on, as if that in itself was a posed picture for a brand. Her waist was thinner than anything you could ever train yourself to get. Her fingers were long and delicate and covered with pretty gold rings. She was so pretty. You wanted to cry. You wanted to throw up. You wanted to scream and die and get rid of this feeling because why did Daniel invite some pretty girl to the Monaco Grand Prix?

Daniel got pole position. Unsurprisingly. You ignored the fact that you were not the first person he celebrated with. We need to be discrete. We've always needed to be discrete.

You ignored the way he gave her a big hug, the way Monica wrapped his arms around your boyfriend. You shook your head. Many girls had thrown themselves at Daniel. Horner had given you many apologetic looks over the years when a sponsor's daughter got too comfortable with your boyfriend and Christian nor Daniel could do much since, well, they were a sponsor's daughter.

This was just like all those times. Daniel is excited and everything's fine.

That thought became a bit more concrete in your mind when Daniel finally did come up to you. Away from the cameras, he lifted you up in his arms and screamed.

"Fucking pole baby!"

The energy had you bursting out into laughter. He pressed kisses all over your face and you felt all your anxiety melt away. This was Daniel. Your Daniel. He loved you.

Tucked away in his Driver's Room, you two could finally be. You and him. No one else. Seeing him like this, you forced all the doubts and worries of earlier out of your mind. He's a driver and he's currently competing against Max right now. Daniel's had a lot on his mind and you could excuse all the funny behaviour as Monaco stress.

"I'm proud of you." You said, grinning wide. Seeing him so happy, you could excuse it all. This... this was worth it.

"Man, I feel good. I'm feeling so good." He said, taking off his helmet. "I'm going to win this. I feel it."

"I know you will." You smiled, letting him hand you his helmet. "Just remember to keep that part in portier - "

"Daniel?"

You both turned to see a pretty head of hair peeking her head in his doorway. Your eyes grew seeing Monica there. Your stomach dropped and whatever reprieve you had felt suddenly was ripped apart as that feeling came right back.

"Oh hey Mon." He grinned. "Good to see you."

The growing ache in your chest hurt just that little bit more hearing the nickname. Mon.

"I hope I'm not interrupting." She said smiling, letting herself in through the door. Your mouth fell open at the familiarity and, well, audacity. "I just wanted to congratulate you on pole. I hear that's the secret to winning in Monaco."

"Yeah it is." Daniel laughed. Ever so cheerful, ever so happy, ever so easy-going. Completely different to how you were feeling inside.

"Oh, sorry. Is this your assistant?" Mon's eyes finally fell to you.

For a second, all the anxiety was replaced with white hot anger at the fucking gall of this bitch. "Excuse the fuck outta me - "

Daniel said your name. You stopped and looked at him. He didn't meet your eyes. Enraged, you forced yourself to bite your tongue.

"This is Max's trainer. She was just helping me out since he DNF'ed. Shall I meet you outside?"

"Yes, that sounds lovely." Mon's eyes darted to you once more before she smiled up at Daniel then she left the room.

He just got pole in Monaco. He just got pole in Monaco. He just got pole in Monaco. He just got pole in Mon -

"Who the fuck is she Daniel?"

You couldn't help yourself.

"Come on, I just got pole in Monaco."

"I know. And you just dismissed me as Max's trainer."

"That isn't the first time we've had to do this. You knew what it was going to be like dating me." Daniel argued back. His voice was clipped and, to be fair, you couldn't understand why. He had just gotten pole in Monaco and you were arguing with him about a girl. Daniel was right, there were numerous times where you two had to downplay your relationship in front of some sponsor or big name.

If anything, him doing that should just be reassuring that this was another case of some random big wig's daughter they had to appease and play the game again with.

But... you just had that feeling.

She had come into his room.

"Daniel. How does she know you?"

"Maybe because I'm a fucking Formula 1 driver and it's the fucking Monaco Grand Prix."

"Don't speak to me like that."

"Then don't be a fucking idiot." Daniel dismissed. "What do you want me to say? Why are you jumping down my throat right now about some girl? Now? When I just got pole? You're my girlfriend. Shouldn't you be celebrating with me? Not worried about some dumb shit in your head."

"It's not in my fucking head. Since when has a some sponsorship bitch come into your room? We're in Monaco and this shit doesn't even happen with Charles and - "

"Fuck's sake!" Daniel snapped. "I don't fucking need this right now!"

And then he stormed off.

And his helmet was still in your hands.

You looked down to the DR3 print and saw yourself in the reflection. You weren't sure at what point you started to cry.

The celebrations for Monaco 2018 were some of the worst days of your life.

Even after Daniel won and fell into the pool, something didn't feel right inside, in your gut. Naturally, the parties went all night long and Red Bull spared no expense. Even Max eventually got over his own shit weekend and mood and join in the festivities.

But you weren't. No amount of alcohol helped seeing your boyfriend dance with all those girls. Not that you could drink. It felt like anything you consumed might just come right back out.

Monica had been there every single second. You had to watch as she sat in his lap, as she pressed kisses on his cheek. Max was nowhere to be seen and Charles had decided to leave the parties to go spend time with the family. Something you really should be doing. But you couldn't drag yourself away from it.

It hurt, it down right fucking sucked to watch Daniel like this - completely in his element and overjoyed - and that you were in no way part of his picture.

"You should go home."

You looked to where the Spanish-lilted voice disrupted the tunnel vision you had on Daniel pouring tequila straight into Monica's mouth.

Carlos was smiling softly at you. He had a gin and tonic in his hand and was dressed in a white linen shirt. You frowned, wondering since when he looked so grown up. Like a man.

"You look like a man." Maybe you were a lot more drunk than you had thought.

His smile became slightly amused. "Maybe because I am, bella."

You smiled at the pet name and found yourself tilting your head to the side. "Did you shave?"

His amused smile turned into an all out laugh. "I did. I felt like Monaco needed a clean face."

You nodded, considering this. In hindsight, the alcohol was a blessing since you could stand here and talk to Carlos about his hair habits and have a momentary reprieve that that was the only thing your mind was processing.

Not the girl dancing on your boyfriend.

"Ricciardo doesn't deserve you."

You looked up at Carlos. He was staring at the scene you had been studying for the past two hours, ever since you had arrived. You had decided to play a toxic game with yourself where you would wait until Daniel asked about you and then you would reveal yourself. After forty five minutes of this game, you ended up at the bar wondering you were even in this relationship. If you could even call it that.

"Thanks Carlos."

"Can you let me take you home?" Carlos asked. "Please."

You blinked at this, at his gentle insistence. You knew it stemmed from pity, that he really wanted to save you from the embarrassment that was your partner going off with anyone woman right in front of you.

"Okay."

Carlos helped you up and put a gentle hand on your back as he guided you out of the club. You thought it very kind and gentlemanly of him. And whilst Carlos would pride himself on being a gentlemen, the real act of kindness was guiding you away so you wouldn't see Daniel stick his tongue down a model's throat.

Carlos' kindness, however, was short-lived. He blames himself. He had wanted to take you for the scenic route around Monaco, get your mind off of it. He bought you ice-cream and was pleased that he would be walking a now smiling you to your hotel room.

Only that you'd open your door and be met with groans and moans. Familiar groans and moans.

Daniel. With multiple women.

In the hotel room you both had shared. As you always had shared. Your home. Supposedly.

You said nothing. What could you say? You weren't exactly prepared to go in there and scream and wail about him - him -- Daniel your -

No.

You found yourself closing the door. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath.

"Please... don't tell anyone." You spoke to the man beside you.

"Bella..." He began in a soft voice.

"Please Carlos."

"Of course." He said and reached for your hand. You looked down at him reaching for your fingers, holding them oh so gently. "You've asked me to."

Carlos pressed your fingers to his lips. Your eyes watered at the kindness.

"Please don't cry about that fool."

But you did. Carlos pulled you close as your tears spilled. You weren't sure how or when but Carlos had brought you into another hotel room, one less flash and in retrospect, it had to be his. But in that moment, nothing made sense. Your attention was focused on one thing and one thing alone: Daniel didn't want you.

And so you spent the entire night crying on the bathroom floor.

And it wasn't even yours.

Charles eventually found out.

Not from Carlos. You were surprised he stuck to his word. He had reached out in the few days following Monaco but you ignored him. You just didn't - you couldn't.

It happened, again, in the bathroom. You were brushing your teeth in Charles' ensuite. He knew something was up - you were always asking what he was up to and if you could do whatever with him. Not that Charles minded but he knew you. You were avoiding something.

And if you wanted to avoid Carlos and Daniel and even Max, that was doable. But you couldn't have foresaw the text you'd get one random day.

I didn't realise you were his girlfriend. I'm sorry. He never told me.

You stared the message. Three lines. You stared at them for a good few minutes. Then came the three dots dancing. Then came the screenshots. All the screenshots. Screenshots of Daniel messaging Mon. Messages that dated all the way back before Hungary.

You had toothpaste in your mouth. You immediately spat it out. Then you went to the toilet and heaved. The sounds of vomiting must've alerted Charles because in he came and held your hair back.

You cried and cried. It all broke you again. You don't remember at what point you were verbal enough to tell Charles. Or maybe he read your phone. Nonetheless, Charles somehow figured out what happened and boy was he furious.

That had caused some commotion in the Leclerc household since Charles was all ready to grab his keys and drive to Ricciardo's place. It took Lorenzo being the calm, sensible elder to point a finger at you and ask Charles what was really important now.

"Pense à elle! Maintenant, elle est la plus importante!"

And so the t-shirt Charles had been wearing, a strippy oversized T you'd bought him one random Tuesday, became ruined from your tears. Snot, mascara, the works.

You slept in Charles' arms that night.

You woke up in Charles' arms the next morning.

You spent the day in Charles' bed.

You spent the next week in Charles' bed.

Charles went with Lorenzo to pick up your stuff from Daniel's apartment. Charles copped the earful from Pascale for punching Daniel in the face when the Australian kept probing him for information on your radio silence. Charles bought you a new phone and set it up - making sure to block Daniel's number. Charles sat through all the Top Gear reruns. Charles made sure you ate, even just a little bit. Charles organised a lawyer for you to speak to Christian Horner and Daniel Ricciardo. Charles prepared the paperwork for you to move from Red Bull to join him at Sauber and then, God hoping, Ferrari afterwards.

"Imagine it mon tresor! You and I at Ferrari. We win the Championship and you can fuck off all the idiots." You smiled at Charles who was once again doing the most to make you smile.

"Thank you Charles." You said, smiling at the beautiful boy. You were laying on his bed and Charles jumped on to land on his stomach with an oof.

He booped your nose and then rolled over to turn on the TV and cast the next Top Gear special onto the flatscreen. "Okay, Middle Eastern special. Vas-y!"

You looked at your best friend, your Charles. The break-up with Daniel was going to suck - it was sucking - but Charles made it all the more easier. Everything would get easier. 'Just give it time.' As he said. In time, you'd be working with him and not have to ever talk to Daniel Ricciardo ever again.

It's okay. You reminded yourself of this fact over and over again. Looking over at Charles, you felt some serenity. It would suck, but you knew you could live life without Daniel Ricciardo. But losing Charles? God help you, you'd probably die.

A month later, Charles left.

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[my-weird-news]

🔥 Shocking: Celebs' R-Rated Debuts! You Won't Believe Who's #1!

Hollywood's R-Rated Adventures: Celebs Gone Wild on the Silver Screen! Ah, Hollywood, the place where dreams come true... and where even the sweetest stars occasionally dabble in a little cinematic debauchery! 🎬 It's no shocker these days when a celeb stars in an R-rated flick – it's like spotting a pigeon in the city: they're practically everywhere. But let's hop in the time machine, way back to the late '60s, when the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA), now the MPA, was like, "Hey, we need to rate these things!" And thus, films started wearing their rating labels with pride, like badges of honor. But oh, the scandal! 🙊 Back then, pint-sized future superstars were innocently popping up in movies even their teddy bears wouldn't be allowed to watch. The kid actors were like, "Mom, I've got my first role!" and Mom was like, "Oh, that's nice, dear. Wait, you're doing WHAT in the movie?" 😲 Leonardo DiCaprio: Remember when Leo was a fresh-faced youngster, before he became the master of raising one eyebrow and winning Oscars? Well, his initiation into the R-rated world was "This Boy's Life" in '93. Yep, even before Titanic, he was navigating his way through R-rated waters. And look who was there to greet him? None other than Robert De Niro, probably asking, "You talkin' to me?" Kerri Washington: Kerri didn't tiptoe into the world of R-rated films – she dove right in with "Our Song" in 2000. It's like she skipped the kiddie pool and cannonballed into the deep end. The film was set in Brooklyn and was all about teenagers' lives intertwining. It wasn't exactly a critical darling, but hey, it got her foot in the door for bigger things, like "Save the Last Dance." Natalie Portman: Natalie, oh Natalie, you truly were a "Professional" – at just 11 years old! In "Leon: The Professional," she played Matilda, a girl orphaned by a family tragedy. This was a character who could hold her own against hitmen – and at that age, most of us were still figuring out how to tie our shoelaces without falling over. Elisabeth Moss: Ah, Elisabeth Moss, our beloved Peggy Olson from "Mad Men." But before she was slinging ad pitches, she was sleuthing around in "Separate Lives" at the tender age of 12. The film was a mystery about multiple personalities, which sounds like a super advanced game of hide and seek. Jennifer Lopez: J.Lo, the ultimate triple-threat – dancer, actress, and pop star. Who could've predicted her trajectory from "Fly Girl" to R-rated film queen? Her R-rated debut, "My Family" in '95, had her journeying across the border with a child. Talk about multitasking – from Fly Girl to Super Mom! Amy Adams: Now, Amy Adams didn't exactly kickstart her career with an R-rated escapade, but she did have a saucy detour. Remember "Cruel Intentions 2," that direct-to-video gem? Yep, Amy was right there, stepping into Sarah Michelle Gellar's shoes. But hey, it's all part of the Hollywood shuffle, right? Selena Gomez: Our Disney darling decided it was time to break the mold. So, she left the sunshine and rainbows behind and hopped into the world of "Spring Breakers." Selena was ready to show that she's more than just a sweet princess – she's a serious actor, y'all. 💪 Zac Efron: Ah, Zac Efron – the heartthrob who went from Disney prince to R-rated hunk. "The Paperboy" was his ticket to the R-rated club, where he teamed up with none other than Matthew McConaughey. And guess what? Love bloomed in the sultry Southern air. It's like a rom-com, but with more legal drama. Jennifer Lawrence: Before she was catching fire as Katniss, JLaw was dealing cards in "The Poker House." But don't worry, it wasn't a movie about poker strategy – it was Lori Petty's autobiographical story. And yes, she's been collecting Oscars ever since. Jodie Foster: Way back when she was just 12 years old, Jodie Foster hopped into a taxi... driver. In "Taxi Driver," she played a young prostitute. And guess what? Her sister even stepped in for those "explicit scenes." Sisterly love, right? Amy Poehler: Who knew that the queen of comedy, Amy Poehler, had her first R-rated adventure in "Wet Hot American Summer"? Alongside Paul Rudd and Elizabeth Banks, they were all basically unknowns at the time. Look how far they've come since then! Alexander Skarsgård: Before he was conquering TV screens with his Viking charm, Alexander Skarsgård graced the R-rated world in "Zoolander." He played a male model named Meekus, and guess what? He even kept his real Swedish accent. Authenticity, folks! Michael Fassbender: Long before he was bending metal as Magneto, Michael Fassbender was flexing his acting muscles in "300." He played Stelios, a brave warrior in the Battle of Thermopylae. It's like a history lesson with more six-packs. Ryan Gosling: Oh, Ryan, you smooth operator. "The Believer" was your R-rated initiation, and boy, did you dive in headfirst. Playing a Jewish Nazi, you went full method – shaved head, weight gain, and all. Now that's commitment to a role! Carey Mulligan: While we often remember Carey for her Oscar-nominated performance in "An Education," she also dipped her toes in the R-rated pool with "Public Enemies." A versatile star from the get-go! Scarlett Johansson: In 1995, Scarlett popped onto the R-rated scene in "Just Cause." A serial killer thriller with Sean Connery and Ed Harris? Well, that's one way to start building a diverse filmography. Viola Davis: Viola Davis didn't just tiptoe into the R-rated world – she strutted right in with "Out of Sight" in '96. The film did wonders for her career, proving that sometimes, taking a walk on the wild side pays off big time. Anne Hathaway: From princess to provocateur, Anne Hathaway broke free from her good-girl image with "Havoc" in 2005. Nude scenes and lewd situations? Anne, you were really getting... ahem, "Havoc"-y. Vanessa Hudgens: Before she was a Disney sensation, Vanessa had a teeny, tiny R-rated cameo in "Thirteen" in 2003. Just a little taste of what was to come! Abigail Breslin: Abigail Breslin didn't waste any time – at just seven or eight years old, she starred in "Keane" in 2004. Sundance loved it,# Hollywood's R-Rated Adventures: Celebs Gone Wild on the Silver Screen! Ah, Hollywood, the place where dreams come true... and where even the sweetest stars occasionally dabble in a little cinematic debauchery! 🎬 It's no shocker these days when a celeb stars in an R-rated flick – it's like spotting a pigeon in the city: they're practically everywhere. But let's hop in the time machine, way back to the late '60s, when the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA), now the MPA, was like, "Hey, we need to rate these things!" And thus, films started wearing their rating labels with pride, like badges of honor. But oh, the scandal! 🙊 Back then, pint-sized future superstars were innocently popping up in movies even their teddy bears wouldn't be allowed to watch. The kid actors were like, "Mom, I've got my first role!" and Mom was like, "Oh, that's nice, dear. Wait, you're doing WHAT in the movie?" 😲 Leonardo DiCaprio: Remember when Leo was a fresh-faced youngster, before he became the master of raising one eyebrow and winning Oscars? Well, his initiation into the R-rated world was "This Boy's Life" in '93. Yep, even before Titanic, he was navigating his way through R-rated waters. And look who was there to greet him? None other than Robert De Niro, probably asking, "You talkin' to me?" Kerri Washington: Kerri didn't tiptoe into the world of R-rated films – she dove right in with "Our Song" in 2000. It's like she skipped the kiddie pool and cannonballed into the deep end. The film was set in Brooklyn and was all about teenagers' lives intertwining. It wasn't exactly a critical darling, but hey, it got her foot in the door for bigger things, like "Save the Last Dance." Natalie Portman: Natalie, oh Natalie, you truly were a "Professional" – at just 11 years old! In "Leon: The Professional," she played Matilda, a girl orphaned by a family tragedy. This was a character who could hold her own against hitmen – and at that age, most of us were still figuring out how to tie our shoelaces without falling over. Elisabeth Moss: Ah, Elisabeth Moss, our beloved Peggy Olson from "Mad Men." But before she was slinging ad pitches, she was sleuthing around in "Separate Lives" at the tender age of 12. The film was a mystery about multiple personalities, which sounds like a super advanced game of hide and seek. Jennifer Lopez: J.Lo, the ultimate triple-threat – dancer, actress, and pop star. Who could've predicted her trajectory from "Fly Girl" to R-rated film queen? Her R-rated debut, "My Family" in '95, had her journeying across the border with a child. Talk about multitasking – from Fly Girl to Super Mom! Amy Adams: Now, Amy Adams didn't exactly kickstart her career with an R-rated escapade, but she did have a saucy detour. Remember "Cruel Intentions 2," that direct-to-video gem? Yep, Amy was right there, stepping into Sarah Michelle Gellar's shoes. But hey, it's all part of the Hollywood shuffle, right? Selena Gomez: Our Disney darling decided it was time to break the mold. So, she left the sunshine and rainbows behind and hopped into the world of "Spring Breakers." Selena was ready to show that she's more than just a sweet princess – she's a serious actor, y'all. 💪 Zac Efron: Ah, Zac Efron – the heartthrob who went from Disney prince to R-rated hunk. "The Paperboy" was his ticket to the R-rated club, where he teamed up with none other than Matthew McConaughey. And guess what? Love bloomed in the sultry Southern air. It's like a rom-com, but with more legal drama. Jennifer Lawrence: Before she was catching fire as Katniss, JLaw was dealing cards in "The Poker House." But don't worry, it wasn't a movie about poker strategy – it was Lori Petty's autobiographical story. And yes, she's been collecting Oscars ever since. Jodie Foster: Way back when she was just 12 years old, Jodie Foster hopped into a taxi... driver. In "Taxi Driver," she played a young prostitute. And guess what? Her sister even stepped in for those "explicit scenes." Sisterly love, right? Amy Poehler: Who knew that the queen of comedy, Amy Poehler, had her first R-rated adventure in "Wet Hot American Summer"? Alongside Paul Rudd and Elizabeth Banks, they were all basically unknowns at the time. Look how far they've come since then! Alexander Skarsgård: Before he was conquering TV screens with his Viking charm, Alexander Skarsgård graced the R-rated world in "Zoolander." He played a male model named Meekus, and guess what? He even kept his real Swedish accent. Authenticity, folks! Michael Fassbender: Long before he was bending metal as Magneto, Michael Fassbender was flexing his acting muscles in "300." He played Stelios, a brave warrior in the Battle of Thermopylae. It's like a history lesson with more six-packs. Ryan Gosling: Oh, Ryan, you smooth operator. "The Believer" was your R-rated initiation, and boy, did you dive in headfirst. Playing a Jewish Nazi, you went full method – shaved head, weight gain, and all. Now that's commitment to a role! Carey Mulligan: While we often remember Carey for her Oscar-nominated performance in "An Education," she also dipped her toes in the R-rated pool with "Public Enemies." A versatile star from the get-go! Scarlett Johansson: In 1995, Scarlett popped onto the R-rated scene in "Just Cause." A serial killer thriller with Sean Connery and Ed Harris? Well, that's one way to start building a diverse filmography. Viola Davis: Viola Davis didn't just tiptoe into the R-rated world – she strutted right in with "Out of Sight" in '96. The film did wonders for her career, proving that sometimes, taking a walk on the wild side pays off big time. Anne Hathaway: From princess to provocateur, Anne Hathaway broke free from her good-girl image with "Havoc" in 2005. Nude scenes and lewd situations? Anne, you were really getting... ahem, "Havoc"-y. Vanessa Hudgens: Before she was a Disney sensation, Vanessa had a teeny, tiny R-rated cameo in "Thirteen" in 2003. Just a little taste of what was to come! Abigail Breslin: Abigail Breslin didn't waste any time – at just seven or eight years old, she starred in "Keane" in 2004. Sundance loved it, Read the full article

[thatesqcrush]

The Nanny, Part 3.

Bryan Kneef x Reader. Follow-up to part two. You can read part one here. Warnings: NSFW - smut, spanking, oral, squirting, daddy kink, p in v sex, masturbation (m & f), language. Also CW: physical violence (smack across the face). WC: 6.5K

S/O: @beccabarba for beta'ing not 1 but 2 versions of this story and for words of encouragement/support.

If you had a nickel for the amount of times you and Bryan each said “this can’t happen again”, you wouldn’t even need to be a nanny anymore. Once again, you found yourself tangled in Bryan’s sheets in post-coital bliss.

You were laying on your side, with your head propped on your hand. “That’s one hell of a way to wake up.” You murmured, to which Bryan let out a low chuckle.

“You’re welcome.”

You rolled your eyes. “Sometimes I swear that ego of yours is bigger than that cock of yours.”

“You fucking love it.” Bryan replied as he covered his body with yours and rolled, so he was on top of you. He used his knee to part your legs, not that they needed much from his part to open wide.

Your eyes searched his green eyes, which were sparkling. You wrapped a hand around his sweat slicked neck, and pulled him down for a kiss. The kiss started softly, but quickly ramped up in intensity. A low rumble emanated from his chest as he started rocking his hips into yours. You felt his cock, beginning to harden once more and your arousal shot through you like lightening.

Bryan’s lips found purchase on your neck and you let out a gasp as he sucked a mark into your skin, leaving a bruise. You let out a throaty moan as he followed with his teeth grazing the bruised skin before soothing the spot with his warm, wet tongue.

Your nipples were rock solid, despite his warm body on top of you. You elongated your neck to give him further access to your neck when your eyes caught the time on his clock.

“Shit I should go, the kids will be up soon for school!”

Bryan pressed a kiss on your lips before giving your ass a sharp smack. “Okay.”

You swung off Bryan and grabbed your clothes that were crumpled in the corner of the room. You playfully tossed your ruined panties to Bryan before you slipped on your sleep shorts and t-shirt. “I can’t find my panties.” You stated out loud, really to yourself more than to Bryan.

Bryan let out a low whistle and when you turned to him, you saw he had them hanging off the tip of his index finger. You smirked and you walked over to him. You reached to grab them and he pulled them back, balling them up in his fist.

“Fine, keep them. May they bring you fond memories.” You poked his chest with your finger. “Since this is the last time.”

Bryan’s gaze changed and his eyes hardened. He reached for you, and pulled you close to him with a strong arm. “Right.”

You leaned up to kiss him, and the kiss was quick and brief, as he pulled away. You opened your mouth to say something but found yourself unable to say anything. So instead, you spun on your heels and made your way out. You quietly shut the door behind you and when you turned around, you nearly bumped into Jasper. He rubbed his eyes before looking at you curiously. “Ms. Y/N, what were you doing in my dad’s room?”

“Jasper! Um.” You began, your cheeks burning, racking your brain for something to say to the seven year old. “I had to help your dad with something. It’s still early, why don’t you go back to bed and I’ll come get you when it’s time for breakfast. How about chocolate chip pancakes?”

Jasper yawned and rubbed his eyes. “Okay.” You sighed inwardly and walked Jasper down the hall back to his room.

Back in your room, you showered and freshened up. You were still tingly all over from sleeping with Bryan earlier. Part of you wondered if it was really the last time and if you thought about it too much, an uncomfortable feeling gnawed at your insides.

Deep down though, you knew, it wasn’t.

***

Later that evening, you settled into bed with your tablet, hoping that a good book would quiet your mind from other thoughts. You pulled the comforter up to your waist and turned all but one light off. Before opening your latest read, you decided to check your email.

“Junk, junk, junk.” You murmured to yourself as you went through your inbox. There was one email that caught your eye.

It was from your cousin in New York who was getting married in less than a month. You were a bridesmaid and it was an invitation to her bachelorette festivities in The Hamptons.

You made a mental note to ask Bryan about time off to attend in the morning.

***

“Where are you going again?” Bryan asked as he followed you into the kitchen. You pulled a carafe of orange juice from the fridge as well as some cut-up fruit. You used your foot to shut the fridge door and set everything on the marbled breakfast bar.

You watched Bryan as walked by, inwardly groaning. He was shirtless, in casual sleep shorts. Your eyes raked over his muscular chest, knowing how good it felt to grip when you rode him. How the smattering of salt and pepper chest hair felt against your nipples. How he always kept it trim and it made a perfect trail to…

“The Hamptons.” You replied, shaking your head out of its reverie. “She rented a beach house for the weekend and we’re just basically going to drink and work on our tans.”

“Mmm.” Bryan reached for a glass and made his way towards you. Your breath hitched as he approached you from behind. You could feel his breath hot on your neck as he reached past you for the carafe of orange juice.

“I should be so jealous.”

You tensed, straightening your back. “How so?” you squeaked.

You felt Bryan push your hair off your neck and felt his beard tickle your skin. “I’d love to see you in a bathing suit.”

You laughed and turned around. Your heart raced as you were almost nose to nose with the litigator. “Bryan, you’ve seen me naked. I have had your dick in my mouth.”

Bryan smirked. “It’s different.” He brought the carafe to his mouth and drank it. You watched as his Adam's apple bobbed in his neck and all you wanted to do in that moment was to hop on the counter and let him have his way from you. Bryan set the orange juice down and licked his lips. Your cunt clenched around nothing and you were certain your face was flushing.

“Oh.”

Bryan winked and left, but not before grabbing a piece of melon and plucking it into his mouth.

***

Time flew and soon it was the morning of when you were to head out to the East Coast.

“Jasper, Sandrine, be on your best behavior this weekend.” You said, crouching between the two tow headed children. “Try not to give your dad a hard time.” Please.” you added after a beat.

“We won’t.” Sandrine replied. “Promise.”

Jasper nodded eagerly. “Bring us a souvenir?” he asked, his voice hopeful.

“Of course!” You replied. You heard a car honk outside. You stood and ruffled Jasper’s hair. You looked past him, to Bryan. “That must be my ride.”

“Really should have let me drive you.” Bryan gruffed.

You smiled. “It’s not a big deal. I’ll only be gone for the weekend. I’ll be back Sunday night. Not even a two hour flight.”

“Let me at least walk you out and help you with your luggage.”

You didn’t miss how his hand cradled your lower back as he walked you out. After your luggage was put in the trunk, Bryan handed the driver some cash, telling him to keep the change. Before you got in the car, Bryan surprised you by kissing you. “You’ll be missed.”

The two of you were completely unaware of four little eyes watching from behind the window adjacent to the door.

***

Bryan was sure you were having a great time. He didn’t want to seem overbearing but he was curious as to how you were doing. He quickly learned how much of a good time you were having through your instagram since you followed each other. He smiled at the pictures of you and your cousins. It looked like you were having a great time. Bryan couldn't help but admit that his feelings for you were becoming more.

You were dancing with your cousin and her friends at a dive bar. You were in a bikini top and shorts, rolled at the waist but undone, around a bonfire. Random shots of you hugging people. There was one photo in particular he wasn’t wild about but he was sure it was nothing more - you were in the middle of the shot, sandwiched between who he deduced was your cousin and some young blond man. The blond wrapped his arm around your waist and you were smiling.

There were also some interesting text messages. One was a photo of you in your suit, as he requested, and then there was one of you nude, from the neck below.

You were back in your room, after having one too many drinks. You changed your clothes and climbed into bed. A thought occurred to you - your roommate - a friend of your cousins - was off hooking up with some random person - you could call Bryan and have a little phone sex. You climbed into bed and reached for your phone.

You pouted as your call went to voicemail. “Hi Bryan - oh, I’m sorry.” You slurred. “I mean daddy. Right? You like it when I call you that right? I miss you so much. I wish you were here with me. I am so lonely and so fucking wet for you.” Your hands drifted down to the middle of your legs and you began to touch yourself. You continued to play with yourself while talking into the phone. “It’s never off the table - you and I. I am always yours for the taking.”

You began to rub yourself more quickly, feeling the coil inside of you about to burst. “Oh yes, daddy! Fuck!”

As you came down, your phone beeped. You looked back at the phone. It was dead.

You threw your head back onto the pillow, irritated. You sat up and reached for your charger and plugged it in. As you waited for the phone to charge, your eyes became heavy and soon you were asleep.

***

Meanwhile in Chicago, Bryan sat in his office, trying to finish a brief. The kids were asleep in their rooms. He looked at the clock, and wondered if you were still awake. He picked up his phone and was about to call you, when he changed his mind and decided to pull up the picture of you naked once more. Bryan’s cock twitched and his thumb trailed over you. He stood and lowered his pants and boxers, so they were around his ankles. His cock was hard and weeping. He stroked himself as his mind drifted back to the last time he fucked you. He remembered how your body swayed from the pull of his hands drawing you back on his cock.

He stroked himself rhythmically, squeezing at the base with every downstroke. Bryan let his thumb glide across the head of his cock, smearing pre-cum. Bryan released himself and spit into his hand before resuming his movements, now stroking faster. Bryan stared at the picture of you and let out a moan, imagining it was you sucking and stroking him instead. He recalled how wet you were, how good your pussy felt wrapped around his cock, taking him deep.

Bryan’s balls began to feel heavy and that familiar coil in his gut began to emerge, signaling his need for release. He began to stroke himself feverishly, working faster and faster. He gripped his phone hard before releasing it knowing he wasn’t going to last much longer. Bryan’s hips jerk forward as cum pumped out in hot and fast spurts all over his fist. He attempted to make it last by continuing to stroke himself languidly, squeezing out every last bit of cum. With a grunt and shuddering sigh, Bryan felt incredible relief. Bryan tried to bring his labored breathing back to normal so that he could clean himself up. He was so distracted while cleaning up, he didn’t see the incoming missed call from you, or your voicemail.

***

The next morning, you woke up to a few texts from Bryan double checking when your flight came in. You responded and inquired how the kids were in your absence. ‘Fine.’

If you were paranoid, you would have felt uncomfortable at his short reply. You showered and since it was still warm out in New York, chose a sundress and a cardigan.

You said goodbye to your cousin and her friends, and took a cab to the airport. You made sure to stop at the giftshop to pick up some souvenirs for Sandrine and Jasper. You found a chintzy cigar ashtray emblazoned with I “heart” NY and picked that up for Bryan.

It was to your surprise that you found Bryan waiting at arrivals with Jasper and Sandrine. You laughed at the sign Jasper held with your name. “Did you all miss me?” You asked.

“Dad doesn’t make the pancakes like you make them.” Sandrine replied, with a roll of her eyes as you all walked to the parking lot.

“I am sure he did just fine.” You replied.

Bryan grunted in response and you looked his way, your brow arched. After waiting a beat and realizing he wasn’t going to say anything further, you turned your attention back to the children.

“Well, I missed you all tons. It was not the same without you three.” You replied as Sandrine took your hand.

“You sure looked like you were having fun.” Bryan muttered under his breath as you all approached his car. Bryan took your bag and unceremoniously dropped it into the trunk. While you knew Bryan had a temper - you couldn’t chalk what you did to upset him. ‘Maybe just work bullshit.’ you thought to yourself as you got in the car.

***

Dinner that night was takeout - Chinese - and you all sat around the coffee table, very informally as a movie played. Bryan sat on the couch, sipping his drink and picking at dinner. After the last fortune cookie was read, Bryan cleaned up and you got the kids ready for bed.

You tucked the kids for the night and then made way to find Bryan. He was in his study, his back to you as he looked out the window. Before you could even announce your presence, he beckoned you in.

Still looking outside the window, Bryan took a long sip of his drink. “You had a lot of fun this weekend, didn’t you?”

“I did.” You admitted, rather slowly as you approached him from behind. “Is there some kind of a problem?”

“You were naughty. I saw the pictures, prancing around in that little bikini, flaunting those tits. I saw how that guy had his arm wrapped around you.”

“Him?” You exclaimed before letting out a sardonic chuckle. “He grabbed my ass and I smacked him. Besides,” you continued, “what does it matter? It’s not like I am your girlfriend. What? Are you pissed you had to deal with your children for once on a whole given weekend?”

“Excuse me?” Bryan turned to face you. “What did you say?”

You crossed your arms, which pushed your tits further up in the sundress you still wore.

“You heard me.” You challenged, your chin jutted upwards in defiance.

“I heard that little message you left me too.”

You stared at him confusedly for a minute and then your eyes widened in realization.

Bryan took out his cellphone and pressed play on the voicemail message that you didn’t recall leaving. Your mouth dropped as you heard yourself masturbating and then coming.

Bryan tossed his phone onto the desk followed by the glass, which left the sound of a plink. He stalked you with long strides and when you blinked, he materialized in front of you. You looked up at him, and he could see the fire in your eyes.

Bryan pulled you to him, and his hands were immediately on your ass, squeezing and groping. Your hands cupped his cheeks as you pressed your lips to his, kissing him. Your kiss was desperate and your cunt ached with need.

He tilted your neck, exposing the slope and he latched his mouth on your sweet spot. He sucked a mark into your skin and then used his teeth to scrape the wounded area, causing you to hiss.

There was a couch in the study and normally you would find Bryan there, asleep when he’s worked too late. Now instead, he was sitting, with your bottom-half draped over his lap.

Bryan flipped your sundress up, delighted to find you wearing a thong. Your breath hitched as his hands gently caressed your exposed flesh and then pulled the back of your thong up, so it disappeared more between your cheeks. His other hand dipped to your pussy, feeling how hot, wet and needy you were.

“Such a fucking tease. We agreed we weren’t going to do anything else, did we not?”

His fingers dipped slightly into your folds, teasing.

“I’m a tease? Please, you loved it.” You retorted before letting out a moan.

“Watch that mouth.” Bryan growled as he removed his hand from your already soaking cunt, and moved it to your hair where he gave a firm tug. “You’re going to get spanked for that little comment.” Bryan grabbed a handful of flesh and shook it.

His tone took a deeper, darker, authoritarian tone. “Count.”

The first spank was light, almost like a test spank. Still, you couldn’t help yourself. “You call that a spank? C’mon, if you’re going to spank me, make it worth my while.”

A rumble emanated deep and low from Bryan and you tensed, bracing yourself for the subsequent spank. His heavy hand landed on your skin, sharp and hot, the sound nearly reverberating in the otherwise quiet space. You let out a gasp as you jolted slightly off of him.

“That better?” Bryan asked. Your skin was tingling and you found yourself unable to formulate words. Another smack landed, this time on the opposite cheek, sending a shot of arousal through your core. One of his hands soothed a reddened cheek while the other twisted into your hair and tugged harshly. “Well? Answer me.”

Your eyes pricked with tears; the pain mixed with your arousal - it hurt, but in a good way and you wanted more. “Yes.”

“Adding another ten. Keep it up and I’ll add another ten. Right now we are at twenty. Count.”

You took a deep breath as Bryan’s hand came down hard on your ass once more.

“One.” The spank that followed was delivered just as harshly, maybe even more so.

“Two.”

The sting stuck around a few seconds longer and your skin began to feel more and more sensitive. Your pussy throbbed and you knew if Bryan were to touch you, you would fall apart.

As if reading your mind, you felt Bryan’s hands at the sides of your panties. He nimbly removed them, and lowered them down to the widest part of your thighs, the material stretching. The air of the room caressed your folds and Bryan hummed pleasantly. His fingers skimmed your cunt, which was hot and wet. Over and over, Bryan teasingly played with your cunt - stroking inside and out. His fingers were coated in your juices. You were whimpering, mewling under your breath softly, but you were stuck there on his lap. Your breath was heavy, your heart was pounding in tandem with the throb of your pussy.

“Daddy, oh fuck, please.” You begged. A tear dripped down your cheek. “I want to come! Please!”

You tried to squirm, desperate for some kind of friction, but Bryan just held you there.

“Good girls get to come. You’re my dirty little slut. Tell me do you think of me often when you touch yourself?

“Yes.” You whimpered. “All the time.”

The flat of his palm was against your skin, delivering yet another controlled and calculated spank. Over and over again, alternating sides of your cheeks while you counted. By the time the final spank was delivered, the skin of your ass was red and hot. You took another deep breath as Bryan delivered the final spank – that final spank was the hardest spank you’d managed yet. Your whole body tensed for a moment as the pain radiated around you, more tears falling.

Bryan’s cock was painfully hard, aching against you. All in that moment was him inside of you, to quell that ache that he had created. Instead, he stood, shifting you back onto the couch so that you laid flat.

“Don’t move.” His voice was firm and you nodded. Your eyes tracked him as he walked out of the study. Your mind began to drift to where he was going. Was he going to leave you there? Was this some kind of kinky test?

Before your mind could drift any further, Bryan was back. He sat next to you and you heard the sound of a lid being unscrewed. You jumped slightly as you felt something - a cream, an ointment - you weren’t sure - being applied to your skin.

“It’s a salve with comfrey.” Bryan murmured. “You did so well.”

When he was done, your panties were tugged back up and your dress smoothed down. You winced as you sat up. Your face and chest were flushed and Bryan could see the outline of your hard nipples. You were doe-eyed, your mouth slightly parted.

Bryan rubbed his thumb over your bottom lip, in a gentle almost caressing way. You darted your tongue out and nipped the fatty pad of his thumb. Bryan took a deep inhalation and your eyes drifted to his cock, which was still pressing against the front of his pants.

Bryan watched as you undid the straps of your dress, one shoulder at a time, and then shimmying it down, exposing your breasts.

You reached down to the button of his pants but Bryan caught your wrists instead.

“Not now. Later.” Bryan stood and then turned to help you stand. As much as he did want to fuck you, he wanted the satisfaction of denying you. Instead he pulled your straps back up. “You need to rest for what I have in store for later. Now what do you say for earlier? Did you learn your lesson?”

You nodded and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Maybe.”

Bryan leaned down to whisper in your ear. “Such a slut for daddy’s cock.” And with that he pinched your nipple hard, causing you to cry out once more.

***

The following day and the rest of the week that followed, Bryan made no further move other than little kisses and touches here and there. By the time the end of the week rolled around, you felt as if every nerve ending was electrified, like a ticking bomb waiting to detonate. You were so thrilled that the kids were going to their mother’s for the weekend. You would finally be alone with Bryan, with no interruptions.

As you hugged the children goodbye, Constance glared at you as she leaned against her car. The driver of Constance’s car came around and picked up the children’s overnight bags and loaded them into the trunk.

You waved goodbye and as you spun on your heels to go back inside, you heard your name called.

Constance crossed her arms. Her gaze was hidden by her oversized sunglasses. “May I have a word with you?”

Your heart was in your throat and you could feel the bile in your throat rise.

“Sure.” You replied weakly. “Inside, so as to not disturb the children.”

Constance pushed past you and into her former home, whipping her long blonde hair in your face. The sound of her heels echoed throughout. You followed her, feeling as if you were walking in molasses. She spun around, while removing her sunglasses. The tension was thick - easily cut through with a knife.

“The children told me they saw you and Bryan kissing.”

You swallowed hard. You opened your mouth, but she raised a finger at you, shushing you.

“And while the children don’t have an issue with it, I do. And don’t think for a minute that Bryan loves you. I see through you. You’re nothing more than the hired help, someone who can be easily replaced. I have made sure to protect my assets and I will not have some two bit tramp take what is rightfully mine.” And before you could even further digest what she said, Constance delivered a sharp smack across your face.

You cried out, covering your face from any other infliction. To add insult to injury, when Constance slapped you, the stones of her many rings were on the inside of her palm, which cut your face. Your face grew hot, matching the heat that emanated from your bruised cheek.

You watched through tears as Connie stormed off and got into the back of her car. You continued to watch until the car drove off. You went over to the hallway mirror, checking your face. You gingerly touched your cheek, wincing as you did so. And it was only then, you allowed yourself to cry.

***

Hours later, Bryan came home from the office; you were nowhere to be found. He searched his home and then your apartment. Your car was still parked, so he knew you couldn’t have gone far.

When he did find you, he found you sitting at the pool edge, with a pack of peas on your face. Your eyes were puffy, streaks of mascara had dripped down your face and dried.

You couldn’t bear to look at him, fearing you would burst into tears once more. So when he crouched down next to you, you instead chose to look into the pool’s reflection, explaining what had happened.

“Come.” Bryan responded, offering his hand to you. You sighed and stood, taking his hand into yours. Bryan led you to the bathroom, where he cleaned your face and applied the same salve on your cheek as he did on your rear, just days prior.

Bryan offered dinner, but you refused, just wanting to go to bed. Bryan pressed a kiss to your forehead before excusing himself to make a call. As you reached the door to your apartment, you could hear Bryan yelling on the phone. And fresh tears fell once more.

***

You woke up the next morning, your head pounding. You showered and tied your hair into a loose wet braid. You found Bryan in the kitchen, plating food from containers. He gave you a small smile as you padded in.

“You know I can’t cook for shit.” Bryan apologized. “Coffee?”

You shook your head. “In a minute. I just wanted to say about last night --”

Bryan came up to you and placed a finger over your lips. “Nothing. It wasn’t your fault. It was Connie’s.” Even hearing her name made you wince.

To your surprise, Bryan enveloped you in a hug and you nuzzled against his chest, taking in how warm and solid he was. The embrace was comforting and as his fingers trailed your spine, you felt yourself grow warm in other places. Gently, you pulled away from him and looked up at him. Constance’s words reverberated in your head. Instead you decided to lean into it. If you were going to get smacked, then at least make it worth it. “You know, you were going to make good on that promise to me…”

Bryan raised a brow. “Are you sure? Look, last night was a lot --”

You shook your head as you repeated the words from your voicemail. “I’m yours for the taking… daddy.”

Bryan took a deep breath and something in his whole demeanor changed as you called him that. He cupped your face and pulled you in for a searing kiss. His tongue rolled against yours, exploring your mouth. You could taste the lingering coffee on him and he could taste the minty remnants of your mouth. You reached down and rubbed the front of his pants, feeling his cock harden beneath your touch. Bryan took the bottom of your lip and gave it a nip.

***

In all of the places you imagined having sex with Bryan, the middle of his open concept kitchen was not one of them. You were on your back, on the rug that usually was by the sink. Bryan loomed over you. You eyed the large tent in his pants and licked your lips hungrily. Bryan climbed over you, covering your body with his. His hands threaded in your hair as he slanted his mouth over yours. Your legs wrapped around his hips, interlocking at the ankles. As the two of you kissed, he rutted against you. Your hands ran down his sides, using your nails to scrape his sides.

Bryan broke the kiss and sat back on his haunches, before reaching for the hem of his shirt and removing it over his head. You admired his broad chest, with the smattering of greying chest hair that you loved so much. Your eyes followed the trail down to where it disappeared under the waistband of his pants. You leaned up slightly and removed your top before reaching back to unclasp your bra, freeing your aching breasts.

Bryan’s mouth latched onto a nipple immediately, swirling his tongue over the pebbled flesh. You arched slightly into his mouth as his teeth gently scraped over the sensitive and heated flesh. One hand wrapped into his hair, and the other cupped your other breast. You tugged on his hair so he could equally lavish the other breast. He suckled hard on your tit, leaving a purple mark.

“Oh yes, Bryan.” You moaned. You were already so wet and ready for more. You raised your hips, desperate for some friction. Bryan moved further down your body, leaving a trail of wet kisses along the valley of your breasts. His tongue laved on and over your belly button, causing your muscles to quiver. He finally made way down to just above your pelvic region where he made quick work of your pants and underwear, removing them simultaneously. Bryan tossed your clothes carelessly to the floor. You spread your legs, but he spread them further, hooking his arms under your thighs and bringing your sweet cunt to his mouth. He nuzzled your pussy, taking a deep inhalation of your scent. His hot breath on your cunt made you so eager in anticipation as to what was to come. You propped yourself up on your elbows and let out a giggle as Bryan gave you a wink before he dipped his head.

You let out an obscene moan and threw your head back as he flattened his tongue and licked a broad stripe up. The warm, wet muscle of his tongue circled your clit before his lips closed around it, suckling hard. You ground and rocked against his mouth, as he worked you closer and closer to orgasm. The enthusiastic sounds Bryan made as he ate you out only further served to heighten your arousal. Bryan would sporadically pause to lavish bites on your thighs but then would dive in, pushing his tongue inside of you as deep as possible.

“I’m going to come!” You cried out, feeling your orgasm about to crest. Bryan removed his mouth from you and you let out a whine at the denial. “Bryan!”

Bryan responded by sliding two of his thick fingers inside of you, using his thumb to roughly rub your clit. “You’ll come sweetheart. Don’t you worry. But you know what I want and I want you to give it to me.” His fingers crooked in a come hither motion towards your navel and a different kind of pressure began to quickly build. You grasped at the floor, your legs trembling. The pressure burst and your back arched in a bow as you came hard, squirting all over Bryan and the rug.

You barely had a chance to come down as Bryan eased out his fingers briefly and then thrusted three fingers deep inside of you, to the knuckles. “Fuck!”

“Give daddy another one sweetheart. You earned it.” Bryan commanded. His mouth returned to your clit, abusing and torturing it as his fingers began to jackhammer into you. You squeezed your eyes tightly, feeling the pressure build again.

“I’m gonna… I’m gonna… oh God!” You wailed as Bryan removed his mouth and rubbed your clit with the flat of his palm rapidly. Warm wetness released from you as you squirted again.

“God I wish you could see how beautiful you are when you come for daddy.” Bryan purred as he licked your pussy juices off your thighs.

Your breath was shallow, your body trembling as Bryan stood to make removal of the rest of his clothes. His monstrously sized cock stood proudly, the meaty veins glistening with arousal. Bryan gave himself a few pumps. You widened your legs and Bryan shook his head. “All fours.”

You did as told, turning over on wobbly legs and positioning yourself on all fours.

You felt him line up with your entrance and you pushed back eagerly. His hands ran over your hips and then ass, grabbing the flesh. Teasingly, Bryan slipped the fat head of his cock inside you and then slipped out. He did it a few times and you let out an annoyed whine and pushed back once more.

Bryan pushed inside of you deeply in one smooth thrust, your cunt gripping him tightly once he was fully seated. Bryan groaned, deep and throaty, relishing in how your pussy took him so well. If he could have seen your face, he would have seen the dreamy smile on your face. Bryan’s cock was perfect and no one fucked you as good as he did. Bryan withdrew and then snapped his hips against the round of your ass, tearing a moan from you. Bryan grabbed the flesh of your hips and began to thrust in and out of you, setting a brutal and fast pace.

“Oh fuck yes daddy, give it to me!” You cried out, dropping your head. Your hair fell over your face, swaying in tandem with his thrusts.

“That’s it, take daddy’s cock.” Bryan growled as he placed a hand on the small of your back and leaned back slightly, watching as his cock, covered in your juices, disappeared in and out of you.

The sounds of obscene moans and deep, throaty groans filled the room as Bryan fucked you mercilessly. The sex was raw, primal and animalistic. Bryan withdrew and pulled you into standing position. You were about to question him, when he propped you on the table. He threw your legs over his shoulders and slid his cock back into you.

“Fuck, yes, oh Jesus fuck, give it to me! That’s it! Harder! Deeper!”

The table creaked and the table moved slightly as Bryan began to pick up the pace, his cock slamming inside of you over and over again. You could feel how his balls slapped against your cunt.

“Yes! Yes! Like that!” You panted. Bryan turned his head to one of your legs and licked the salt off your skin.

“Gonna come for me?” Bryan growled. “Gonna cream on my cock?”

“Yes, yes! Gonna make me come!” You cried out. Bryan dropped over you and a hand wrapped around your neck. Bryan squeezed and the air around you became thin. Bryan continued to fuck into you and you reached down to rub your clit.

Your walls began to tighten and flutter around Bryan’s length. “That’s it, give it to daddy.” He purred. “Let me feel you come and then I’ll fill you up real good.”

Bryan let go of your throat and moved to rub your clit as well, pushing your fingers away. You gasped, your lungs burning as air rushed in.

You came hard, your cunt squirting. You squeezed your eyes so hard that when you opened them, you saw floaters in your vision. Your cunt clamped on his cock again and you wailed again. “Bryan! Bryan! Oh my God!”

Bryan suddenly withdrew and he watched with obscene pride as you squirted again all over the table and floor.

“That’s right, make a mess for daddy.” Bryan growled. He then pushed you back down on the table, lifting your hips ever so slightly. He easily slid his cock inside of you once more and pounded into you erratically, chasing his own release. Bryan let out a deep groan, stiffening as he came, shooting his creamy hot load into you.

Bryan slumped over you and let out a sigh of content. You turned and pressed a kiss along his sweaty bearded cheek.

He withdrew and you let out a whine, already missing the feel of him inside of you. Bryan bent your legs to the knee and pulled your legs apart, his eyes focused on your pussy. “So full.” Bryan replied, again with pride.

You used the opportunity to squeeze some of your muscles, forcing some of his come out of you. Bryan let out a groan watching it drip out of you and onto the floor. He scooped some of his come that dripped out of you and slid his fingers inside of you, effectively fucking the cum back into you. You let out a shiver in response. Bryan slid his fingers out of you and sucked them clean before moving to stand you up.

You wrapped your arms around him, your mind still whirling. You were never going to be able to look at mealtime the same way again. “That was amazing.”

Bryan pressed a kiss to the top of your head. “And we have the whole weekend to ourselves.” He murmured and you hummed contentedly.

“I suppose we should clean this mess.” You stated, feeling yourself blush, despite the fact that you were both standing fully nude in his otherwise, pristine, white kitchen.

Bryan ran his hands through his hair, nodding. He then spoke again. “Don’t worry about Constance. I handled her.”

You looked up at Bryan, a small smile on your face. “Yeah?”

Bryan nodded and walked over to the sink, where he grabbed a rag. “She won’t be bothering you again or else. She’s just bitter and jealous. Her anger is misdirected - she should be upset with me. And even if she was, I don’t give a shit.”

You hummed and began picking up all the fallen clothes. “Thank you.”

Bryan wrapped his arms around you. “Now lets finish cleaning up and then let's take this to the shower.”

FIN.

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[teamhappyme]

my world is grey without you

pairing: nick amaro x reader

warnings: tissues. this is not happy.

word count: 1.7k

a/n: this is pure sadness. i am so sorry, it is all hurt and the smallest pin point of comfort. my first nick amaro fic, and it’s gonna be ~heartbreaking~ but this idea has been in my head for weeks. hope you enjoy some of the pain im serving. 

****

You think Mother Nature must be in tune to your emotions, when you wake up that early May morning. The clouds were grey, rain pouring from the sky, collecting in puddles on the cracked sidewalks of New York City. If you had to describe to someone how you were feeling today, you would just tell them to look outside. You felt as gloomy as it was in the city today. 

Normally, your walk to the coffee shop was bright and full of sunshine, especially during spring. The flowers were starting to bloom, the sun was staying out longer, and the weather finally started to reach past sixty degrees. Instead it was filled with droopy tulips and black umbrellas covering everyone’s faces. 

You got your usual order, and one black coffee to go, hailing a cab across town to your destination. You planned on walking yesterday; the half hour walk would help clear your head and calm your nerves. But today, it would only leave you wet and cold.

Once you pulled up to the brick apartment building, you paid the driver and quickly ran up the stoop and into the entrance. You buzzed apartment 3G, and after a few seconds, you were let in. You rode the elevator up to the third floor, your foot tapping against the linoleum floor the entire time. 

You stepped out and took a right down the hall, stopping at the fourth door on the left. After three knocks, the door swung open, and there stood the man of the hour.

“Hey, Nick.” you gave him a small smile, lifting the black coffee you got for him on your way here. “I know it’s early, but I figured this may help you with any last minute packing.”

“I,” he started, running a hand through his hair, “what are you doing here?”

“What, you think you can just leave without a proper send off from your partner? Besides, I’ve owed you this coffee for three years. I had to pay up before you left.”

That got a smile out of him, as he reached for the coffee, and opened the door up a little wider. 

“Come on in,” the foyer of Nick Amaro’s apartment usually greeted you with an onslaught of pictures of Zara and Gil, accompanied by many drawings and art projects from the young girl. Now on his last morning here, the walls were stark white, void of anyone ever living here.

“I can’t believe you got this place packed up so fast. It took us a whole day just to get that giant brown couch into the apartment.” You said, as your eyes looked over what was once the living room. 

“Well, that’s what movers are for.” He followed in behind you, taking in the apartment he called home for the last two years. He moved in to the first place he could find, not wanting to spend another minute thinking about living without his baby girl. “I would offer you a seat, but my furniture is in a u-haul, probably crossing Kansas right about now.”

You smiled, as you crossed your ankles and sat criss cross applesauce on the hardwood floor. “That’s alright. I prefer the floor anyways, keeps me grounded.”

You were ready for the pointed stare you got from him, only making you laugh harder at your awful pun.

“Three years we’ve been partners, and you still have awful jokes I’ve never heard.”

“Hey, I gotta keep you on your toes, Amaro.” he sat down next to you, leaning back on his hands and crossing one foot over the other. You knew there wasn’t much time before he had to head to the airport; you purposely gave yourself a small window to minimize the hurt. “How long do I have you for until you head for the sunshine?”

He looked down at his watch, letting out a small sigh as he checked the time. “My cab will be here in about twenty minutes.”

“Alright. Then we have twenty minutes to make the best cop movie script out of our careers together.”

And for the next twenty minutes, you remembered almost every moment you spent with Detective Nick Amaro. From the first day you met, which had a rocky start, to the day he turned in his papers to be with his kids. There were stories of stakeouts that always included pizza and blaring rock music to keep you awake, monday morning bets on who would be in the precinct last, and endless amounts of coffee runs to keep the other person going. 

There was a lot of trust built between the two of you over the last three years. Nick had been through hell and back in the time you were partnered together, and there was no choice but to trust each other. At work, he needed somebody he could trust without any doubt, and you made it so easy for him. The kindness and empathy you treated him with from the beginning, even when he didn’t deserve it, made a difference in his life. There was no one else he’d trust with his life more than you.

After some time, you two were in sync with one another. You always knew what the other person needed, whether that was a coffee, space, or comfort, the two of you knew what to do. It made work that much easier, it made the bad days that much better, when you didn’t have to tell them how you were feeling; they just knew.

You had just finished the story about your first undercover op together, when his phone lit up.

“My ride is five minutes out.” he said, the trip down memory lane coming to an end. Your smile morphed from a shiny grin, into a small close mouthed line. It was time to say goodbye.

“I’ll walk you out,” you got out, barely above a whisper, as Nick stood up. He held his hand out to you, helping you onto your feet. 

You watched as he grabbed his backpack from his room, patting his pockets to double check he had his phone, wallet, and boarding pass. He took one last look around the place before walking out and closing the door behind him for the last time. 

The elevator ride down was quiet, you spent those thirty seconds regulating your breathing and swallowing the growing lump in the back of your throat. This wasn’t about you.

Once the doors opened to the lobby, you felt soft fingers inching their way into your palm, lighty holding you together. You looked over at Nick, slowly, but he was looking straight ahead. You saw the twitch in his jaw, and the bob of his adam’s apple, and you knew he was holding back his own tears.

Moving your hand the slightest bit, your fingers fell into place with his. You gave his hand a gentle squeeze, before following him out.

The rain had subsided considerably since you arrived, the downpour now more of a spring mist. You stood at the edge of the sidewalk with him for a few minutes, until he got the notification that the car was only five blocks away.

“Well, are you ready to turn into a Cali boy?” you asked, finally turning to see his face. 

“I’m ready for no more New York winters. I am gonna miss just about everything else, though.”

“But you’ll have Zara, and Gil, and that’s all that really matters.” you said with a smile, while gently letting go of his hand. “Besides, I’ll make sure to send you endless videos of me shoveling myself out of my apartment building, just to let you know you made the right decision.”

“Please, please keep that promise and send me those videos. There is nothing more amusing than you swearing at snow.” you rolled your eyes, and nudged his shoulder in annoyance. 

Instead of bouncing back off his body, you felt his arm snake around your waist. You leaned into his touch, letting your head rest on his shoulder. You felt the exhale of his breath before you heard it, along with the rapid beating of his heart.

“I’m gonna miss you, you know,” he started, as you focused on the way his fingers were moving up and down along your hip. “I wouldn’t have made it through everything without you.”

“I was your partner,” you said, the past tense already tasting like bile on your tongue. “I would’ve done anything for you. And I know you would’ve done anything for me.” You turned your head the slightest bit, just enough to see his face. “I’m gonna miss you too. More than I already do.”

He looked down at you, his brown eyes full of emotion and tears. His eyes flickered to your lips for the smallest moment, and you nodded, giving in to the moment, and the man you cared so much for.

His lips met yours in a chaste kiss, just long enough for you to remember what it felt like to hold Nick Amaro this close. 

He pulled away, gently resting his forehead against your own. You let the moment last as long as it could, before the inevitable beep left Nick’s phone. They were here.

You pulled away from him, your waist growing cold without his arm wrapped around you. There was a beep from a blue car a few cars up, and you let out a sigh.

“Your ride’s here, Cali boy.” you said with a smile, wiping away the stray tear that traced your cheek. “Don’t be a stranger, okay?”

“I won’t. Call me, whenever you need me, alright?” you nodded, trying to memorize the smile on his face. He found your hand one last time, giving it a comforting squeeze. 

“I will. Now, go, you’re gonna miss your flight if you hit any lunch traffic.” He looked up the street to the cab, before looking back at you.

He leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to your cheek, and then your lips one last time. 

“I’ll see you later, y/n/n.” he said, and you watched him walk down the streets of New York City for the last time. 

But you knew you would cross paths with Nick Amaro again one day.

****

tags: @hurricanejjareau @qvid-pro-qvo @crazyshannonigans

[sprnklersplashes]

driver’s license

post-canon, angst ahoy

She gets her driver’s licence on Saturday.

On Sunday morning, she takes her first drive alone, and it’s to the last place she should go.

The roads are empty, the rest of Sherwood sensibly asleep in their beds. Last night was another sleepless one, bolting up in her bed with her hands clamped over her mouth and her whole body trembling violently, not stopping until she had paced the length and breadth of her bedroom about fifty times. She was wide awake by that point, too shaken by her nightmares to even try to go back to sleep. She sat against the window, head against the wall, watching her breath fogging up the glass, obscuring the perfect picture on the other side.

He was there, of course. He’s always here in the morning, especially when she wakes up like this. She didn’t turn around, didn’t see him, but felt the weight of his gaze on her anyway. Pleading, lonely, begging her to turn around and come back to him. To slip into his arms and get lost in his words again, to let him strip her away with his touch. And the worst part is that she wanted to. She wanted to do it; there’s some magnetic force that still sits in her and it keeps pulling her towards JD even though she knows he’s gone. It becomes a game two of them play and she loses every single time; if she resists, it hurts, and if she gives in… she doesn’t know, she never has, but it can’t end up good.

Her keys were in her hand before she even knew what she was doing, and she was pulling out of the driveway as the sun rises.

She’s not dressed for a drive; a pair of black pyjama bottoms and an old, old blue sweater. It’s one of the things from before she was a Heather and most importantly-something JD had never seen her in. That’s one of the worst things about this, about him. His fingerprints aren’t just over her body, but all over her clothes too. Invisible to everyone except her. Lines run up and down her blazers where he caressed her, the outline of his hand on her skirt where he ripped it off her body. When she first saw him, she thought ‘now there’s a person I’m never going to forget’. Now she’d give anything for that to be wrong.

She doesn’t think she knows where she’s going, not until she turns right at one junction and feels her blood run cold. It’s funny, she thinks. She hasn’t been here in months and yet it still looks exactly the same. She avoided this place like the plague afterwards. She still could. There’s no-one here and no-one checks the traffic cameras here, not in a street like this. She could turn around and head in the other direction, and she should. But the wheels keep turning, slow but still forwards, and her hands stay locked where they are. The steering wheel barely budges.

She must have been on this street before him. She’s lived in this town her whole life and could draw out a map from memory. It’s not that big after all. She has vague recollections of a birthday party happening somewhere around here, and another of a family barbeque on this street. She trick or treated a few times here as well, first with her parents and then with Martha. But all those are irrelevant now. From here on out this will be known as JD’s street and JD’s street only.

She pulls the car into a sloppy park, thankful for the cautious residents keeping their cars in garages, and leans back in her seat. She doesn’t need to turn that much to see the house beside her.

There’s a new family that lives there now. A mom and dad and two elementary school kids. Both girls. One with dark curly hair in pigtails and the other with a black ponytail, secured with a ribbon. She had watched them the first day they moved in, laughing together, the dad tugging on the girls’ pigtails, the mom organising the move in. What must it be like inside now, with boxes unpacked and furniture sitting proudly. A home, not just a house. A place big enough for all of them. It must have been excited, to have so many of its rooms used.

That’s what struck Veronica when she first went over with him. How big it was, for a family of two. She shakes her head. You could hardly call JD and his father a “family”. Not because of their size, but because of them. They were barely even acquaintances. They merely lived under the same roof and shared the same blood; that was the beginning and end of their relationship. Veronica had wondered why Big Bud Dean had chosen this house, how much it must have cost him, and it was only a week or so ago she had realised; he didn’t care. Why would he, when he’d just leave in the next three months anyway? He picked the first available place, and it just so happened to be a family home.

She had watched him leaving. She swears to herself she isn’t a stalker, but she’s finding that harder and harder to believe. What would you call someone who goes through hoops to find out the day and hour a man is moving out of his house and then skips school just to stand on the street and watch him? What must he think of her, that is, if he even noticed her at all. Too busy wrapped up in himself to notice other people, that’s what JD always said about his father. There’s not a lot she agrees with JD on, but she has to give him that.

She pulls her sweater tighter around herself and blinks, her eyes suddenly stinging and blurry. The last time she went over there, really went over there, rather than hovering on the other side of the street, was the day it happened. She had walked up to that door with ash in her hair and blood on her face, and knocked three times before he had answered. He regarded her with this cool, confused glance, as though he was trying to remember when he had seen her before, and she had bitten her tongue and watched as realisation dawned on his face.

“You’re Jason’s girl, aren’t you?” he had asked. That was the first time she had heard him say his son’s name, she realised. Their little game must end whenever JD wasn’t around. He took a long drink of his beer then and shrugged at her. “Whaddya want?”

Her nails had dug into her palms, leaving burning red marks, and she just about manged to say “your son’s dead” through her tight throat, tears plink-plonking down her face.

He blinked at her, a moment passed, and then another, before he let out an unimpressed-sounding “really?”.

She does wonder what would have happened if Heather Duke hadn’t stumbled upon her at that moment and dragged her away from him, kicking and screaming and swearing all the way down. She pulls her sweater tighter around her. Her throat hurts at the memory. The entire street had come out to see the commotion and what little good standing she still had blew away like dust. Good, straight-A, Harvard bound Veronica had screamed “go fuck yourself” at a seemingly innocent man who just lost his son.

She doesn’t regret it though.

The first hues of blue appear around the edges of the sky now, but according to her clock it’s still far too early for her parents to be up. Her body goes limp in the seat, her head falling to the side, and her eyes flicker up to the window on the second-floor window. On the day they moved in, she saw the light go on in that bedroom and the pink paint going up on the walls. One of the young girls is using it as her room now, and she almost laughs. She plays with her dolls, no idea what two stupid kids did in there, oblivious to how he had pinned her against that wall and she had stripped him down, shivering as he whispered “you’re mine” in her ear.

Or about the soft, stolen kisses they shared on his bed at night, the two of them lying on his bed, their eyes on the ceiling, and talking about the future. Their future, he had said. Where she would go to college and where he would go. Where they should move to, because Veronica was adamant she wasn’t staying in Sherwood forever. And when they’d get their driver’s licences.

“I want mine as soon as I can,” she had told him. “I’ve been dreaming about it since forever. I’ve practiced in my dad’s car.”

“I was wondering how that dent got there,” he had said. She elbowed him in the ribs for that comment. “Suppose I don’t need to. I have my bike.”

“You have a licence for that thing, right?” She turned to him then, studying his profile and feeling a lingering sense of doubt in the back of her mind. That feeling always accompanied them wherever they went, like the hangover to the ecstasy his touch brought. “JD?”

“Course I do, Ronnie,” he had told her, and he pulled her against his chest. “You think I’d take my favourite girl on a bike if I didn’t have a licence for it?”

His favourite girl. He didn’t call her that a lot, maybe once or twice in their entire short-lived relationship, but damn did she love it. He was like that. Good at making her feel special. Like she was made of something precious. Diamonds in her eyes, gold in her veins. To him, she was better than every other girl around and she’s so, so ashamed of the fact that she liked that.

But how much did he really value her in the end?    

She slams her hand on the dashboard, hard, and cries out as the dull pain pulses beneath her skin. Tears run down her face, replacing those from earlier this morning. Those haven’t yet dried. She tucks her knees up against her chest, burying her face in them so that the sound of her cries is muffled. She doesn’t know why; not like anyone is awake at this point to be disturbed by a stupid girl like her crying in her car.

He swore he loved her. Over and over again and you’d think that the words would wear themselves out but they never did. They just kept getting bigger and he kept burning hotter and brighter until he scorched her hands when she tried to touch him. He had whispered it reverently into her hair as she slept and murmured it against her lips and even in that house, with the barrel of a gun pointed directly at her, he said it. That was the moment she realised it wasn’t true. Somewhere amongst the pain and the confusion and the splitting headache she looked at him, and she looked at the gun, and asked herself, how could his lips say he loves her while his hand is ready to kill her? Not that he needed a gun to kill her. Maybe he knew that, and so the gun was just to play with her.

He had promised her. That’s the part that hurts more than anything else. The promise he broke, and how he used those jagged edges to cut her open. He promised her he was going to change, swore to her on the love he claimed was God. JD was nothing if not passionate, and for all she knew he meant that at the time. Or maybe he didn’t, and it was all just a game to him. It’s been so long now and it’s still so hard to tell.

She sobs again, a heavy pain tugging on her torn-apart heart. She’s an idiot, and a fool, and a fucking moron and every other damn thing Heather Chandler has called her these past months. Not that she had much of a backbone before but now she can’t even bring herself to be annoyed at her. Because it’s true. Because what kind of person lives through all that, lives through JD and all manipulation and all his lies, and watches as he points a gun at her with nothing but coldness in his eyes, and is still in love with him after that? How does she spring awake from nightmares in the morning and spend the afternoon missing the feeling of his lips against hers? If she loves JD, despite everything he was, then what kind of person does that make her? What gives her the right to lie awake at night and mourn the future she would never have, when three people are cold in their graves because of him?

Her hand finds its way to the glove compartment and suddenly the little plastic card is in her hand, her eyes staring up at her. No-one has commented on it but surely everyone sees it; the look in her eyes that’s hung around ever since that day. She flinches sometimes, when she sees herself in the mirror. What’s become of her; thin, hollow cheeks and shadows beneath her dull, dead eyes, clothes hanging off her shoulders. JD didn’t just end his life when he took that bomb. She might still be breathing, but most days it feels like that’s all she’s doing.

She slams her hand on the dashboard again, and then it happens again, and again and again until she’s banging against it in a fierce, fast rhythm, her mouth open and a burning, broken scream pouring out of it. It tears out of her throt and fills the car, shaking the glass in the windows and ringing in her ears. This isn’t how it was supposed to have happened. She was supposed to run out of the DMV and into his waiting arms, have her feet swept off the ground as he tells her how proud he is of her. She was supposed to drive through the streets with him in the passenger’s seat, sneaking sideways glances at him as the wind tousled his hair. They were supposed to drive up to the hill together and sit over the town, her head on his shoulder and his arm wrapped around her, making more stupid plans for the future. She was meant to tease him about getting her licence first and he was meant to roll his eyes and kiss her to shut up her up. He should have been something else, and she should be waking up with butterflies in her stomach rather than lead in her lungs.

She sits back and shakes her head at herself. Her hand is red and pulsing with pain from where she smacked it. She’s ridiculous. Since when does she have the right to decide what was ‘meant’ to happen? JD thought that. He declared it on the other side of her closet door- “I was meant to be yours, we were meant to be one”. As far as he was concerned, the universe is, was, theirs, and they were the masters over what happened in it. And she’s not that person, she’s dragging herself away from being that person every day, even if it means her nails are caked with blood and dirt. She doesn’t get to choose what happens, not or herself or anyone, and she doesn’t get to sit here and claim what that he should have been something different.

It doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.  

Her mom told her she’d love someone again, a few weeks after the pep rally when she was in a particularly bad state of mind. She had sat on the edge of her bed and run her fingers through her hair and told her that he might have been the first, but he wouldn’t be the last. Her heart won’t be broken forever. She had nodded and murmured something in agreement, and waited until her mom smiled and patted her head before she left. What her mom doesn’t know is that JD didn’t break her heart-he put a bomb in it and blew it up. And whatever she felt for him, there’ll be no feeling it for anyone ever again.

She looks back over at the house. There’s a light on in the kitchen and she slides lower in the seat, despite being safe from view already. Who could it be? The dad maybe, or the mom, getting ready for the day ahead, or maybe one of the kids catching the morning cartoons or treating themselves to cookies for breakfast. It doesn’t really matter, what matters is they’re in that house now and neither Jason nor Big Bud Dean are. For better or worse, there’s no trace of him left in Sherwood, Ohio, not except her memories and one page in the yearbook. One day she’ll make peace with that fact.

She turns the key in the ignition and the car rumbles into life again, annoyed after being neglected for so long. She lets out a long, steady breath, the last of her tears running down her face like rain down her windshield. She turns the wheel, peels away from the kerb, and hopes she’ll never come back to this street for as long as she lives. She doesn’t know if her heart can take it again.

[loudsuitlover]

Doctor Harry XXVIII. Tercer movimiento: Lo de dentro.

A/N: Long ass chapter but lovely, I think. I hope you like it too <3 Every other part can be found here

BLUE’S POV

“Are you done?” I giggle as my mum keeps taking pictures of me in our garden.

“Yeah, I think so but I hope you send me some more with Harry at the reception.”

“I will.” I promise her.

I walk inside towards the kitchen and she follows me. It wasn’t really hard to find a dress for the wedding. Coco, Ollie and Marie offered to go shopping with me on Monday afternoon and we genuinely thought it might take all week to find the right dress but it didn’t. It only took a couple of hours.

I asked Harry if there was any sort of etiquette or particular dressing code but he just said apparently you can’t attend a wedding dressed in white and then I asked if he had any preferences in colour but then he just said what he wanted didn’t matter and to wear whatever I wanted. He wasn’t of much help but I wouldn’t have wanted for him to say anything different from that.

I have never dressed for anyone other than myself but I hope Harry likes my dress tonight. I chose a floor-length slip gown made of silk. It is a soft baby blue colour and so soft to the touch I think I could sleep on it. It’s backless too because I’m a sucker for backless shit and I hate bras so I don’t have a problem with going braless. I keep the jewellery and makeup to a minimum but I do wear crimson lipstick and my thin white gold choker. I wear Coco’s long bright grey fur coat and bright grey heels salon heels.

Harry did ask me about the colour of the dress but I guess that has to do with his choice of tie or handkerchief. I know it’s cheesy but it excites me that he would consider my dress so as to match me.

The bell rings and I get the door as I put on my coat. When I open the door, my breath catches on my throat as I’m faced with a very sexy, annoyingly handsome Harry that looks like a bright peaky blinder without the cap.

He’s wearing a fucking bright cream colour vest and cream colour jacket and pants and a baby blue silk shirt, matching my dress. The first few buttons of the shirt are unbuttoned so the almost looks like a handkerchief.

“Fuck.” He grins. “You can’t be prettier than the bride, Blue.”

I giggle and he leans in and touches my Hollywood style waves and lets them drop back against my chest. I knew he would appreciate the hair down.

“I thought you said you couldn’t attend a wedding dressed in white.”

He smiles.

“This is cream” he defends “and the bride knows what I’m wearing.”

“You look dreamy.”

“Let me see!”

My mum comes running from the kitchen and I feel the heat on my cheeks hot enough  I’m sure they look like my lips at this point.

“Oh my God! You look like a brunette James Dean!”

Harry laughs but blushes and I giggle along with my mum like two teenage girl.

“Grasias, Alisia.”

I raise my eyebrows as I remember.

“Está aprendido español, ¿sabes, mamá?” (Did you know that he’s learning Spanish, mum?)

Harry smiles with his lips closed and my mum swoons.

“¿En serio?”

“Sí.” Harry nods. “No sé mucho pero entiendo algo.” (I don’t know much but I understand some.)

“Nena, cosételo.” (Baby, tie him up.)

I chuckle and pray to God he didn’t understand as I gently push him away from my drooling mum towards his car. He gets on the driver’s seat and doesn’t say anything else as he drives away.

“Are you nervous?” I ask him.

He sighs.

“A little.”

“I’m sure it’ll all be beautiful.”

“Yeah, it better be or else Gemma might kill some people.”

I laugh but think it to be true. I’m familiar with the term bridezilla and something tells me Gemma has a character. I guess we recognize each other.

There’s a small grey stone church with a big colourful rose window over the door at the top of a hill and Harry parks the car on an esplanade some meters away from it. When I step out of the car, I notice the ground is covered with loose small white stones that sort of look like snowflakes.

Harry is smiling, waiting for me to join him and only then I realize I’ve been gawking around. It’s such a beautiful place and I didn’t even know of the existence of this church. Then again I’m an atheist.

“I think you’re the most beautiful creature I have ever seen.”

“Creature?” I smile. “I knew you’d like my hair down.”

“Come here.”

His hands wrap around my waist through my thick coat before he pulls me to him and his lips press against mine. Thank God Coco had that fixer spray for the makeup so he doesn’t ruin my lipstick too much.

Inside the church, it’s warmer than I expected. Despite the stone on the outside, the inside is wood and I’m thinking the architects, whoever that was, did a good job with the insulation. There aren’t that many people on the church but I guess it’s normal for the bride’s brother to be one of the firsts to arrive.

The ceilings are so high it’s even hard to appreciate the reredos but it gives the chapel some sense of highness, even I, an atheist, feel closer to heaven. It’s the last hours of sunlight of the day and the winter can be heard outside in the form of wind and leaves but I still think it’s such a nice time to get married. It kind of feels as if they would be safe from the storm, because they’re together, and it also feels as if it doesn’t matter how’s the weather outside, it would always be warm if they’re together. I know, weddings really turn me into a softie.

Harry’s hand on mine guides me along a corridor on the left side of the church. I know in a church, the left side is the right side for us to stand, for it’s the side of sin and that’s where we belong. At the end of the corridor, a few very elegant people are gathered.

“Hey, son.”

A man with grey hair short hair and a gentle smile, a few inches shorter than Harry, gives him a hug.

“Hey, dad.”

He doesn’t look much like Harry and neither does his smile really for he doesn’t have any dimples and his lips are quite thinner but he’s got the same air of kindness about him and he transmits the same goodness as his son.

“This is Indie. Indie, this is my dad, Des.”

“Hello, dear.” He politely offers me his hand and I shake it.

“Nice to meet you, sir.”

He asks me how I’m doing and we start a casual conversation but I can’t help my eyes from drifting to Harry as he frowns and looks around. He really is nervous so I forgive him for abandoning me with his dad.

“Your sister is inside.” He answers his silent question and Harry’s eyes set on him.

“Do you think I can go in?”

“I think yes. She did kick me out but try your luck, son.”

He nods and gives me a look.

“You go.” I encourage him.

It’s way too intimate for me to be in there after talking to Gemma just the once. I don’t even know his mother.

“I’ll be fine.” I tell him.

“Yes, I’ll look after her.”

His green eyes set and travel between us both as if he was considering whether to leave me here or not. But after a few seconds he nods his head as if convincing himself and knocked and opened the door that hid her sister.

“Way to introduce you into the family, huh?” Des starts. “My son and his weird ways, I guess. It’s okay if you don’t remember everybody’s names.”

I giggle.

“I’m pretty good with names.”

“The thing is every young female in the family look alike. Even I get confused and they’re my sisters’ daughters.”

He starts telling me about the members of his family and asks me about mine and I tell him about my siblings and my parents. He finds our names very interesting, naturally, and tells me about how they decided on Harry’s name. I also learn his middle name is Edward.

I don’t know how much time has passed when Harry finally exits the room but his eyes are teary when he does and he’s holding a flute glass with what looks like a mimosa.

“I gotta go check on Michal.” He tries to sound unaffected but I smirk because I know better. “But my mum gave me this for you. She says it’s good.”

I smile and gladly take it from his hand as he turns to his dad.

“I tried sneaking one out for you, dad, but they said some shit about us men having enough with not having to do our makeup or something like that.”

I giggle and Harry smiles teasingly at me.

“That’s alright, son.” Des chuckles. “Thank you.”

Harry nods and like that he leaves us again and opens another door on the same wall. I think it’s beautiful that both bride and groom are that close together only with a wall apart. Des keeps the conversation going about my personal choices on Medicine, whether I like consultation over surgery and so on, until Adam joins us and shakes his head.

“Hello, Des. Long time no see. Hi, Indie. You look beautiful.”

“Thank you.” I give him a smile.

It’s such a shame Marie couldn’t come but your grandparents’ golden wedding is not something one can say not to. I know she would have liked for Adam to be there but she understood his motive. After all, Adam is a part of the Styles’ family and that makes Gemma sort of like a sister to him too. Yet I wish Marie were here. I know for a fact we would have had so much fun and she would have been a cheerleader for me if I freak out at meeting so many important people to Harry in the same day.

“Where’s Harry?”

The moment he asks that, as if on cue, Harry comes out of the groom’s room and places a hand on my lower back. He sighs.

“Just making sure Adam wasn’t having a panic attack or climbing out the window, Gemma’s words not mine. I’m gonna tell her he’s not so she can keep it together.”

The three of us laugh as he rushes to her sister’s room now.

“I remember my wedding day” Des said “I have never been more nervous in my entire life, not even when my kids were born.”

“I don’t think he would climb out the window on this weather though.” Adam jokes.

I laugh with them but don’t say much. I’ll admit I’m nervous. I don’t know what to say to seem worth it of Harry. Thank his mum for the alcohol in this graceful mimosa.

“Alright” Harry says as he joins us “I look like the errands boy but now they want me to say hi to guests and show them to their seats. The things one has to do… Would you accompany me?”

I panic. He wants me to stand there and say hi to every single guest? But he looks so good… And I’m going to say yes.

“I’ll help.” Adam smiles.

“Thank you.”

The three of us say goodbye to Des who has to wait for Gemma to be ready since he’s walking her down the aisle and make our way towards the flowers arches that mark the aisle.

“My mum wanted to meet you already” Harry says “and she’s sorry she didn’t come out to at least say hi but her hair wasn’t done.” He smirks.

“Oh, no, that’s fine. She shouldn’t worry. It’s her daughter’s wedding day. I’m not the important one here.”

“I know.” He smiles. “But you’re the first girl I bring home and she’s excited. Let the woman dream.”

I blush as I look at Adam from the corner of my eye. He’s smirking before he stands on one of the narrow corridors on the sides of the benches and Harry and I continue walking until we stop and stand on the main arch.

“How was your sister?”

“Gorgeous” he states but he’s rather stern “and nervous. She made me go check on Michal because she was at the verge of a panic attack herself.”  

I smile because I know he’s exaggerating. He always is and he looks down at me with a big smile.

“What did you and my father talk about?”

“Family, mostly. He also told me how your mum and him came up with your name, Eddie.”

His jaw clenches and he gives me a death glare but I just laugh at his reaction. Our conversation dies the moment the guests start arriving without giving us enough time to talk in between. I don’t know how many times he’s said this is Indie, my girlfriend but if I concentrate, I can hear him on my mind now.

“I wish there was some sticker or something we could stick on your forehead” He jokes “I’m Harry’s girlfriend.”

I chuckle but when I’m about to playfully swat at his arm, a blonde girl wearing a lilac gown indicates us to our seat and Harry guides me to the very first row. Oh, boy, where have I gotten myself in?

Less than a minute after we sit, his mother stands next to him. She looks even prettier than she does in the picture he’s got on his bedside table and even if she could be my mum, she intimidates me. She’s absolutely gorgeous, with lively green eyes and dark hair and for the love of God she looks so much like her son.

“Finally” she smiles at me “I get to meet you.”

“Hey, mum” Harry stands up from the bench and I follow suit “this is Indie. Indie, meet my mum, Anne.”

“It’s really a pleasure to meet you, darling. Unbelievably, you are even prettier than in pictures.”

Harry grins. Is he proud? I think he’s proud at his mother’s compliments to me. I smile despite the heat on my cheeks.

“Thank you. You look stunning too.”

“Thanks. Uh, here comes the groom!”

We all sit down and see Michal walking down the aisle with his arm intertwine to the one of a woman. I suppose that’s his mum. He smiles at Anne when he gets to us and then he takes his place on the altar and holds his hands together over his belt. He looks at the flowers arch with a big smile waiting for his lover.

A few minutes after, not making him wait too much, everyone in the chapel turns her head and down the aisle, we watch a stunning, very happy and extremely beautiful Gemma making her way all dressed in white; wheelchair included. Her dad walks on her side and their arms are intertwined and only when Gemma’s past us, three little girls dressed in white too come into view. They have spread flowers all over the floor after Gemma and one of them had actually been pushing the chair. They look like little angels.

Michal sits down on a white metallic chair adorned with white flowers, just like Gemma’s, and they both stare at each other and giggle and that’s when the bubble forms and everyone different from them two just gets to stare but we’re all out of it.

I hear the ceremony and as beautiful as it is and as gorgeous as the two of them look, my eyes keep drifting at Harry because he’s smirking the entire time and I have never seen him so handsome.

I cannot believe, out of all the people in the world, he chose me to sit next to him today. I am the first girl he brings home and there’s one part of me that feels so special but there’s another part who wished that wasn’t true because it makes me realize how hard it’s really going to be for this to work. After all, who stays with the first girl they bring home forever?

His green eyes set on me for a second and he smiles. The air is out of my lungs.

“Gemma, you are the smartest person I know but not even you could understand how incredibly lucky I feel to be here with you today and become your husband. I remember wanting to have, and sometimes making up, excuses to talk to you and now look at us.” They both giggle “You are my best friend, Gem, and you’ll always be so today I vow to change your name in my phone from ‘lady friend’ to ‘wifey’.” Soft giggles accompany Gemma’s through the chapel and Michal grins at her before continuing. “I vow to always appreciate your laugh, your smile, your caring nature and that face you make when I add too much chili to your nachos. I promise if there's only one beer left, I'll let you have it and to always make sure there’s Earl Grey on the cabinet. I promise to always love you without conditions or reservations, even when you make me watch the Bachelor, and to show it with care and consideration. I promise I’ll be patient, even if that means I’ll have to listen to how I should have gotten you ice-cream even if you said you were on a diet.” He smiles. “I vow to always remember these vows and to love and honour you for as long as I shall live.”

“Those were really great vows.” Gemma nods her head.

“Right?” Michal’s nose shrinks as he nods along with his almost-wife and everyone starts laughing. “I felt it, I felt like I owned it.”

“You really did, babe.”

They both giggle and just as fast as the distention of laughter have fallen upon us, a sort of intensity covers my shoulders but the smile is still on my face, and on Harry’s, when Gemma clears her throat.

“Michal, I had never believed in destiny until God gave me a second chance and ever since then I’ve always thought he didn’t let me go then because I didn’t yet know you.” I see Harry’s emotion on the way his shoulders tense and hear his breath getting stuck on his throat. I land a hand on his shoulder. “So thank God you took that gap year in Colombia.” And then he lets out something similar to a chuckle and I realize Gemma’s a master, much like her brother, for she knew she had dropped the mood and then masterly lifted it up again. “I have thought very hard about what to say today because I could never list all the things I love about you for I love your thoughtfulness and your kindness but also the way you weirdly get excited about pumpkin late and how your eyes crinkle when you laugh very had. And it’s for those things that today I want to vow that I will never forget that you are the love of my life and that in the darkest moments, I will always have a friend in you and you will always have a friend in me. From this day on, you will never walk alone. I mean, technically you will, but you know what I mean.” Michal shakes his head and laughs and Harry clicks his tongue at her sister’s dark humour but smirks anyway. “I vow to be your strength when you feel weak, to only fight you when you’re fighting yourself and to fight beside you for the rest of the times. I vow to pretend not to be annoyed when you pretend you don’t like The Bachelor and to listen to you when you talk about footie.” She takes a deep breath that can be heard through the church and Michal gives her a loving smile. “You know, when I was studying journalism with Chloe, before every presentation we would look into each other’s eyes and tell each other ‘I believe in you’ and even though we never really talked about what that really means, to me it meant ‘I love you and whatever happens out there, I’ve got your back’ so since words cannot do it, I promise to show you, for the rest of my life, how much I love you because Michal Mlynowski, I believe in you.”

Harry and I stand behind as the just married couple exist the church and I don’t say anything because I know he needs this moment to himself. His eyes are shut and he’s looking up with his hands on his hips. Respecting the silence, I wrap my arms around his waist and rest the side of my head on his chest and it takes him about a second to wrap his arms around me too. I feel his muscles relaxed until he’s as soft as his muscles allow him to feel and rests his cheek on the top of my head.

“You know you’re not alone, right?”

He doesn’t answer nor move so I pull away from him enough so I can look into his eyes. His eyes lock with mine but he remains expressionless.

“You’ve got me.” I offer.

My words change the pattern of his breathing and his eyes set on every inch of my face, as if he was looking for a tiny wound. After not finding any, his eyes set on my lips and even though he doesn’t say anything, I know that look. I’ve seen it before and I know what he wants so I tilt my neck back and press my lips against his in a tender, innocent kiss, letting a flood of butterflies loose on my belly and my heart. When I pull away, he presses a tender kiss on the tip of my tongue and then on my forehead.

“I know, baby.”

He leans down and kisses me again but since he was the one initiating the kiss now, he’s also the one taking control of it, and this time he deepens it and I suck his breath on my throat. My heart’s beating fast and I… I…

“You have no idea what you’re doing now” he whispers “but the only reason I managed to go through that without any artificial sedatives was because you were there.”

I swallow the lump on my throat. I really don’t want to mess up and I don’t think there’s anything I could say to him right now that would really hold the meaning of whatever it is that I’m feeling right now.

             Dinner was surprisingly fun. I thought I was going to be awkward, always measuring what words I could use or what I couldn’t say around them and I genuinely thought the mood was going to be a lot more tense but Harry isn’t as bad around his family as I thought he’d be.

We’ve been casually talking and his mum Anne has proven to be the sweetest woman in the world, explaining Harry’s caring nature and his own kindness, and welcoming me in the family like I had been coming over to birthday parties and family dinners for ages.

Gemma and Michal are also quite funny, which I had already realized as they vowed, and I’ve found out Michal has a real talent when it comes about teasing Harry, which has been quite funny to me.

“Harry, I think it’s time.” Michal tells him.

I tilt my neck to give Harry a look but he just nods at Michal before he stands up. He makes his way towards a little stand I haven’t even seen before after taking a glass of champagne from one of the trays the waiters are holding and I watch him, completely hypnotised, as he smiles and runs a hand through his hair in front of the microphone.

“Hi” He clears his throat “Good evening, everyone. I’m Harry, I’m Gemma’s younger brother, even though I think you all know that and I’m standing here about to give a speech ‘cause she’s begged me to, quite simply.” Everybody laughs but he just raises his eyebrows and shakes his head as if saying it’s the truth. “Uh, when I was thinking about what to say tonight… So 30 minutes ago,” He knows when the laughter is coming so he stops and grins and my heart stops every time “I thought that, uh, I should really start thanking my sister; thank you, Gem, for making it so easy for me to be Mum’s favourite child.” Gemma laughs out loud and everyone joins her. “As most of you know, I’m a doctor, I’m an Anaesthesiologist and Gemma is… Gemma’s brave.” His sister laughs. “She was brave when she stood her ground and decided to study journalism even when most people would tell her no; she was brave when she learnt to live a new life, in a totally different situation and she taught me how to do that; she was brave when she started her own business but mostly she was brave when she agreed to marry Michal.” Michal laughs and nods approving his brother-in-law’s joke and I didn’t really know Harry could be so funny, except I did know. “It’s such a blissful, beautiful thing for me to see my sister trusting and loving someone so much, someone who loves her and trusts her just as much and who clearly married up” He grins and I love it because I can see the chuckle he’s holding back “and it’s also a wonderful thing to win a brother like Michal because… Michal, I love you, you love me, we love each other… Although” he stops to add some dramatism and everyone smiles in anticipation “we kind of are polar opposites. He’s funny,” his hand opened in the air points at the direction of the groom before he rests his palm on his chest “I’m smart. He’s athletic, I’m incredibly good looking” he chuckles and so does everyone else “but the thing we both have in common is Gemma and how much… It annoys us when she makes the whole family watch The Bachelor.” He chuckles. “No, but seriously, Gem, you’re my best sister and I love you more than I could ever say to you. Growing up, we didn’t always see eye to eye, I used to kidnap your dolls and ask you for ransoms and you didn’t let me use your karaoke but I can’t imagine my life without you and I know I wouldn’t be half the man I am if you hadn’t been there to show me what it means like to be strong, to be brave and to be kind. I was told recently that it shows that I was raised among women, and this includes you, dad” he jokes “because I am protective by nature and I think it’s true” his green eyes, amused, nervous and brave look at me for a second before they set on his sister “because, even though I’m younger, I have always been and will always be protective of you, Gem and I’ll protect you because I need you.” He clears his throat but I know it’s an attempt to get rid of the emotion clinging on his throat. “I have always admired you and I always will and I wish you and Michal the very best and a long, happy life full of love and joy because that’s what you deserve. Mum made me say that.” He grins at bride and groom and lifts his glass in the air and so do we all. “So let’s have a toast for Mr and Mrs Mlynowski and for all the good they’ll bring to the world. To Gemma and Michal, I believe in you.”

Bringing my glass to my lips, I still see Harry having a sip of his champagne. I tense up. That’s the first time I see him drink. He comes back to the table and hugs both his brother-in-law and his sister for the longest time and then Michal indicates we shall mingle around for a few minutes whilst they get dessert ready.

Harry rests his hand on my waist and gently pulls me away from the just married and towards the very centre of the hall. I politely decline yet another glass of wine I’m offered and the waiter walks away.

“You can drink in front of me, you know?”

“I know. I’ve done it plenty of times before.”

“I’m not an ex-alcoholic, if that’s what you think.” He smirks.

“That is not what I thought. You said you didn’t drink because you don’t like alcohol. You never said you had trouble with it.”

He nods his head slowly before he leans down until his lips brush the shell of my ear.

“My mother does.” He whispers. “The reason I don’t drink is because I’ve seen what alcohol did to my mum when she was indeed an alcoholic and I don’t want that for me.”

My blood boils. I get furious that he had to go through that too but then I look at him, and it’s like I realize I won’t help anybody with that anger, and then I feel cold that he’s dropping a bomb like this in the middle of a wedding and that he’s trusting me with this now. I give him a lips closed smiles.

“It looks like you enjoy dropping bombs at family reunions.” I joke.

He chuckles. And when a waiter passes next to us with a tray full of champagne glasses, he takes two of them and hands me one with a big smile. I take it and inevitable smile back at him.

“That was such a great speech you gave.” I congratulate him. “Funny, witty, tender… I enjoyed it.”

“Thank you.”

“I didn’t know you had such a way with words.”

“Yeah, I understand why you wouldn’t know that.” We both giggle at his comeback. “But… I actually write sometimes.”

“Oh, you do?”

He nods.

“Yeah, I started doing it as a thing in therapy. You know I had like this journal where I was supposed to write my own feelings and like elaborate on them as part of a bigger understanding… And now, I just… Still write sometimes.”

“Have you written anything about me?” I smirk.

A timid smirk escapes his suppression and he looks away from me. Oh, God; he has.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“You so have.”

I’m about to ask him more on that when a few young people join us. There’s the blond girl who told us to take our seats at the beginning of the ceremony, a tall brunette guy with short hair and a quarterback’s smile and a lanky guy with kind eyes but naughty smirk.

“Nice speech, Harry.”

“Funny.” The girl said.

“Thank you, lads. I think you all know this is Indie and Indie, these are Laura, Max and Liam, my cousins.”

“Oh, hi.”

“Hello there.” The girl I now know is named Laura smiled. “D’you know Mum and Auntie Sally have been talking about you two all dinner?” She smirks.

Harry shakes his head.

“I mean, even at your sister’s wedding, dude, you’re the one who makes the family talk.”

“Your mum and Aunt Sally don’t need a reason to gossip though. We both know that.”

“I suppose you’re right.” She giggles. “But hey, how are you holding up? I bet everyone is driving you crazy, coming up to you to talk, get to know you… Only Harry would introduce his first ever girlfriend in such a day.”

“She can take it.” He grins.

“It’s actually been quite fun.” I admit. “My mum’s Spanish and she’s got eleven siblings so-”

“Crap!” She says.

“Holy shit!” Harry chuckles.

“I’m used to big family gatherings.”

“For the love of God, eleven siblings are quite a lot of siblings.”

“Do they all also have many children?” Harry asks.

“Not all. I have 24 cousins.”

“What?” They all laugh and I laugh along with them.

We keep on talking and I learn a lot of things about Harry’s family, the big picture, but he also learns his fair amount about mine. We also chat with his grandparents for a while and they both are so sweet and British they make my heart swoon.

Harry’s Nana keeps insisting on him bringing me over some time for tea and biscuits for she still keeps of her silk clothes from when she was young and she wants to show them to me. She used to be a dressmaker and she used to design and sew her own dresses so I bet she’s proud of them. Her grandad just sits there and stares at her but he also adds some of the dresses he remembers and that just has me turning into mush. I love elderly couples what can I say?

We go back to our table for the wedding cake and I am so happy and excited I even have one and a half pieces. Harry and I shared the second piece as I talk with Anne about her mother’s dresses. She herself tells me about her wedding dress and it’s only when her eyes drop to my knee and she smiles that I notice her son has his hand resting there. I’m so used to our physical contact, that I think it would be easier for me to notice its absence at this point. My cheeks tinge pink.

The little angels that were throwing flowers after Gemma come running to our table with flowers crowns on their little heads and I recognize those curly locks, similar to Harry’s, on one of the little girls’ mane of hair. The must all be under 5 years old and they look so adorable I wonder how I haven’t noticed them during dinner. The tallest one blows on a bubble blower on Harry’s face and he tilts his neck back frowning jokingly and making the little one laugh.

“Oh, bubbles on my face, just what I wanted.”

He leans down, resting his elbows on his knees, so he can see the kids eye to eye.

“They dressed you up like little angels today, didn’t they? Then why are you still fighting to be the devil?”

“I won gold on my last gymnastics competition.” The little kid just changed the topic and Harry gasps exaggerating his surprise.

“That is very impressive, May.”

She nods her little head and I notice her eye drifting to me intermittently. She clearly doesn’t know who the fuck I am but I think she’s too shy to ask. Harry follows her sideways gaze until our eyes meet and then he smirks and leans down to whisper something at the little girl’s ear. Her mouth opens wide as she stares at me and I smile at her before I give Harry a look. He just smirks.

“She has got such long hair.” Little May says.

“She does.”

“Lucy, Lucy!” May tilts her neck so she can talk to younger little girl. “She’s a mermaid.” She whispers.

I look at Harry but he just grins.

“Why don’t you guys introduce yourselves?”

“My name is May and I’m 4.”

“My name is Lucy Ecran and I’m 3 and my mummie is called Angela and my daddy is called Finn.”

“We are sisters.” May explains.

Yeah, I figured that on my own the moment they started talking. I grin at then and offer they my hand and they shake it.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, girls. I love your dress and your flowers. And congrats on the gold.”

“She really is a mermaid, Lucy.”

I suck my lips inside my mouth so I don’t laugh but before I can tell Harry to tell the girls the truth, a little boy dressed like a man comes running and tags May. She panics for a second but then her little chubby hands swats Harry’s chest as she yells tagged and runs away.

I was not expecting Harry to stand up from his chair and jog after the little girls but the two of them erupt into an adorable fist of giggles and the image warms my heart. I don’t know why I’m surprised, Harry’s so caring it makes sense these little girls would like him. He’s funny too and I’m sure he actually listens to them when they want to tell him stories about kindergarten or gymnastics.

“They love him.” Anne says.

Tilting my neck, I realize she’s also looking at them as they run around.

“Naturally.” I agree. “He’s sweet.”

Her green eyes, much like her son’s, lock with mine.

“I am so happy Harry finally found you.”

I swallow at the way she said that. Finally found me… As if he had somehow been looking… But I have to admit, sometimes I feel like we found each other too. I guess… I never thought I was going to find any other person ever again and yet, when we’re alone and I look at him and we I hear him breathing beside me on the bed, I just think… It kind of had to happen.

“I thought I was never going to say the day.” She smiles but her eyes are getting teary. “He’s been… Like… Gone, for a while.”

“How was he? Before the accident.”

She takes a deep breath. I don’t know her but I think my question caught her off guard.

“He was… He laughed a lot and he had all these plans; he could talk about the future for hours… He joked all the time too.”

“Well, he still has his fair amount of jokes.” I smile.

She grins.

“I guess he now has someone who laughs at them.”

“He’s great.” I nod. “I actually admire you for having raised such a wonderful, caring, kind man. I don’t want to take the credit away from him, after all, he chooses to be like that every day, but I still think the bigger part is thanks to you.”

“I’ve always wondered how he’d do in a relationship because, as caring and affectionate as he is, he’s also always had a very clear, very private inner world. He’s a private person, he’s always been, so I wondered… You know, if he would actually let someone really in. We’re very close, we’ve always been… He’s helped me so much, even when he was just a boy, but still sometimes I felt like there was always another part of him I couldn’t really reach.”

My eyes look away from hers. I can’t tell her that I’m worse than her son at that. I don’t know what to say so I just sigh and shake my head.

“Well, I… I think that’s… Good.” Anne’s eyes set on mine and I can’t believe I’m about to sort of contradict her on the first night we met. “I mean he doesn’t have to share everything with me.” I need to fix this. Come on, explain yourself, Blue. “I’m happy he shares whatever he needs or wants to, but if he wants to keep some things to himself, that’s cool too.”

The corners of her lips curl up in a lips closed smile and I feel relieved that she didn’t feel offended. I mean I never meant to, but some people these days, they take everything to heart…

“That’s a beautiful way to see it.”

I smile.

“I love the way his mind works, the way he thinks… Fascinates me and every time he shares that with me, I feel… Lucky and special and I think it’s a gift he’s giving me but he doesn’t have to.”

“Who doesn’t?” Harry runs a hand through his hair as he stands before us and his mum giggles.

“Did you catch her?” I ask.

“May? She’s a gold medal gymnast.” He frowns as if saying are you crazy?

I laugh and he smirks.

“I tagged Adam.”

The three of us giggle and in the background, we see Adam running after the kids. I think Marie would love to see this.

“Harry, dear.” Harry’s Nana reaches her hand to Harry’s waist and he turns his body and hold her hands to welcome her in our small group of three. “I wanted to come chat some more to Indie.”

Harry gives me a smile and helps his grandma sits down on his chair. Michal calls his name and he gives me questioningly look as asking for my permission so I frown and shrug and he reaches his now brother-in-law and his sister. His mother, his grandma and me start a conversation about books and I feel excitement takes over me as the three of us talk about Virginia Woolf and Sylvia Plath and Anne tells me growing up her mum and dad used to have this little library, on such small house, but that to her it always looked quite big and she wondered how it was possible for someone to read that many books.

My parents themselves read quite a lot. I don’t remember a single moment on the garden, being little and playing with my siblings that my dad wasn’t reading a book. He used to read them with a pencil too and he used to underline shit. I think I got that from him, all my copies are underlined.

Anne excuses herself to join her children and Harry’s Nana, Esme, tells me about her own experience, growing up and getting married and having kids, when all she was supposed to do was just that.

“And I was happy, I swear, I don’t think two people could love each other as Edward and I love one another but that is because he knows, you know? He told me, when we going to get engage, he said to me ‘Esme, I know you don’t love me now, but you will and that’s a promise’ and he was handsome, you know, he was very handsome but all I wanted back then was to have a voice of my own.”

“A room of one’s own, eh?”

She smiles.

“That’s right. And that’s what I got. I could do whatever I wanted, you know, Edward was just the guy who would support me, no questions asked. I think that’s why I did that many dresses. It was my own thing… And he loved them all.”

From the corner of my eye I can see Harry’s grandad surrounded by his family and yet his green eyes would look for his wife. They got married in 1950 and it just sounds so crazy to me that in that time, I mean it wasn’t that long ago, was it? Still women had to do as men told them.

One of Harry’s cousins, a pretty girl as well, for everyone in this family seems to be out of a magazine, joins Esme and me and Esme starts boasting off her granddaughter, much like she would do of Gemma or Harry, I’m sure.

I see Harry making his way towards me. He has been talking to his mum and I wonder whether she’s told him about our chat over him. I wouldn’t mind if she did, I think it would be nothing new for him.

“Blue,” he bows a little so I can listen to him better from my sitting position “do you want to dance?”

My lips curl up at the corners and I stand up. My eyes lock with his. He seems timid.

“Thought you said you didn’t dance.”

“Mum told me to ask you. Come on, I asked for this song.”  

I roll my eyes but let him guide me to the dance floor. It sounds like a song from the eighties and it doesn’t surprise me but I don’t know what to expect when a very deep voice starts saying “Girl, you know we belong together. I have no time for you to be playing with my heart like this. You’ll be mine forever, baby, you just see.” But after that, a very beautiful, soothing voice takes the lead and I haven’t seen the singer but I know he’s black. We belong together and you know that I’m right.

Harry’s hands rest on my back, behind my waist, and mine intertwine behind his neck as we slowly move. I have never done this with him but my heart is about to explode. Why do you play with my heart? Why do you play with my mind? He doesn’t say anything and neither do I for I’m listening to the song he said he asked for and I feel like a tide untie inside my body. I feel the waves moving up and down and I swear I feel just like I do after we untangle from one another after our closeness. I am on my tippy toes at the edge of losing conscience, right in that place where so far he’s only got me naked, but right now, even though I’m fully dressed, I am feeling naked on everything that’s not clothes.

When I can't sleep at night without holding you tight

Girl, each time I try I just break down and cry

Pain in my head oh I'd rather be dead

Spinning around and around

“D’you know the song?” He asks me at last.

I shake my head and he just nods but his green eyes don’t leave me as his gaze undresses me.

“You introduced me as Indie to everyone.” My voice comes out as a whisper but he’s unfaced by it.

“That’s how everyone calls you.”

“But you call me Blue.”

His eyes look into mine but he remains silent and stern, his lips are closed and I know he’s not going to comment on that. Yet somehow I understand, not everyone gets to call me Blue and he likes it just as much as I do.

“Mum loves you.” He says out of the blue. “I can’t leave you now.” His eyebrows raised on his forehead but I swat his chest because I know he’s kidding.

“We should visit your grandparents one day.”

“You wanna visit Esme?” He smirks.

“And Edward.”

“Oh, so you wanna make sure I really don’t leave you, eh? Becoming Nana’s friend too… Should have known before I brought you in here…”

I roll my eyes and he just chuckles.

“You don’t have to worry, baby, don’t have to try either.”

“I like them.” I confess. “You have a beautiful family and your speech was beautiful too.” He smirks. “And… I mean… So are you. You’re beautiful as well.”

His lips, still closed, curl into a smile and I feel my face heating up.

“Thank you, baby.” He leans down and presses a chaste kiss on my lips. “Mum’s probably watching us.” His whisper sounds muffled against my lips and I chuckle.

“Do your cousins still think I’m a mermaid?”

“Now they think you’re the princess of the sea.” I give him a warning look but he swears to be innocent. “That was all Max. So are you having fun?”

“I am, yes. And you?”

“Yeah.” He smiles. “I meant every word I said up there.”

“Guay.” I smile. “Me alegro.” (I’m happy for you.)

I tilt my neck back and capture his lips with mine and we kiss slowly and intimately, even though yes, his mum is probably watching and who knows who else but I can’t bring myself to care. When we pull apart, out of breath, he pecks the tip of my nose and smiles.

“I realized something today…”

My pulse accelerates and I swallow the fear and the anticipation of what might be to come but he just smiles and his green eyes burn into mine and he doesn’t say anything else. I don’t need him to. I know what it is.

I rest the side of my head on his chest and we keep dancing for Lord know how long. But after that slow dancing of ours, there comes some drinks and he actually drinks a little too and we end up jumping and dancing with his cousins and Gemma and Michal and I’m happy to see him like this.

I don’t know what time it is when Anne approaches the two of us with her coat on. Harry and I are resting our bags on the structure that holds the white marquee where the party is dying down.

“Here you are.” She smiles. “I was wondering, would you guys like to sleep at home tonight? You can leave whenever you want tomorrow but just so you don’t have to drive all the way back to Grad now.”

Harry’s eyes search for mine but I have nothing to say.

“Thank you very much Mum, we would really appreciate that.”

“Of course!” She smiles. Wow she really did want us to stay. “Go grab your coats, say bye. I’ll wait by the car.”

We do as we’re told and I walk with Harry towards his car. Anne’s standing next to the driver’s door and I almost smile. I don’t know why it surprised me that Harry lends his mum his car but for some reason I had pictured him to be some sort of car lover that doesn’t let anyone drive it. I wonder if he’d let me. The ride is silent and I take this time to myself. There’s nothing wrong with any of this. There can’t be.

I recognize the main road of Bellamond from last weekend. We pass the football field where Harry parked when we went to Tino’s and take a turn to the right. We drive past a school, an outpatients clinic and past a small park.

“Was that where you went to school?” I ask Harry.

“Yes.” He smiles.

“Is it still the same? I mean, was it like that when you were little?”

“How old do you think I am, miss?”

I throw my head back and laugh while he jokes about how there used to be dinosaurs when he went to school but for the rest of it, it’s pretty much the same. I imagine a little Harry with huge green eyes and curly hair walking inside school, when kids are so little their school bags are bigger than them. I imagine him having a cupcake on the recess for somebody’s birthday and eating a small sandwich with pickles the rest of the days.

“And we’re home!” Anne croons.

Stepping out of the car, I can’t really see much in the dark but I see a huge garden, carefully looked after, and a two floors house with a white door and white windows that contrast with the bricks.

“Your bed is made.” Anne whispers as we enter the house. “Now, I’m exhausted but you kids can have a cup of tea or something. I just… You will have to excuse me but I need my beauty sleep.”

“Sure.”

“Of course, Anne, thank you very much.”

“Oh, nonsense, this is your house.” She dismisses me. “Anyway, good night. Sleep well.”

“You too.” Harry smiles. “So… Do you want tea or water or milk or even… I don’t know, are you hungry?”

“No.” I frown. I’ve eaten so much I think if I roll up in a ball I might actually make one. “I’m good, thank you.”

“Okay.” He whispers. “Then let’s go to bed.”

He walks past me and turns on the light in the kitchen. The cupboards are white but the countertop and the household appliances are dark grey. Harry gets two glasses from the cupboard over the sink and fills them with water and asks me to turn off the light before we make our way upstairs.

I’m the one opening the door for his hands are full and when I enter his childhood room, I have a look around and feel my insides warming up. My house is a lot less personal. Even growing up, my Mum did the decorations of the entire house and even though she did it thinking of us and I loved my room, it still doesn’t feel as personal as this. There are posters from different bands and Elvis on the wall and he’s got a record player on the corner near the window. The room is painted a dark blue and even if it might make the space smaller, it also makes it cosier.

He takes off my coat and places it on his desk alongside his.

“I quite like your room.”

“You do?”

I nod at his rhetorical question and feel his hands over my ass. I tilt my neck to look at him.

“Come here.”

His hands fully wrap around my hips and he pulls me to him until my chest collides with his and he kisses me. His lips mould against mine and his tongue gently pushes inside my mouth. He smells so good… And fuck, this suit… Looks so sexy on him. This Peaky Blinder thing is really doing wonders to my sex thrive. I gasp and his hands grab my ass and I feel his nails sinking down the back of my thighs over my dress.

“H” I gasp “your Mum’s here.”

“My Mum’s passed out on her bed.”

His lips from my mouth to my chin and to the side of my neck and his warm tongue makes my skin cold when he moves away. He nibbles on my neck and his hands squeeze the flesh on my body through my silk dress. His touch is exquisite.

“She could hear us.” My voice comes out as a desperate moan, betraying me like a bitch, and I feel Harry smiling against my skin.

“Well, then you’d have to be quiet, won’t you?”

His mouth comes back to mine before I can answer and his hand, warm and big, cups one of my breasts and makes me moan on his mouth. His hands caress my legs, from my knees to my hips and the dress slips against my skin when he opens his fists.

His lips kiss my neck again. He knows it makes me fucking wet when he does that.

“I haven’t told you” I whisper “but you look so fucking sexy in this suit.”

His white teeth skim my skin as he grins.

“D’you like it?”

“You look like Tommy Shelby.”

He chuckles against my skin.

“And that turns you on?”

“Can you imagine if you were a Peaky Blinder?” I cup his jaw so he looks at me.

Fuck me, he is so handsome. I can feel the definition of his jaw on my hands and his eyes look so hungry and intense with dilated pupils against the brightest green I’ve ever seen.

“I would die.”

He frowns amused.

“Do you want me to be bad and rough?”

My cheeks tinge pink. No, I don’t. I like it the way he does it; gentle until he drives me crazy and then fast and hard and rough. My lips clench between my legs.

“I want you” My heart beats furiously on my chest “in my mouth.”

He doesn’t have any witty remarks to give me and that’s what I thought. Any other day, I would have teased him but he looks so fucking good and I can have him to myself now.

“You’ve been driving me crazy all night.” I confess.

I carefully lower down my hand from his shoulder to his chest and I feel his heartbeat, as fast as mine, and I love the way he’s looking at me. I touch him, I touch his chest and his arms and the buttons of his vest and he just lets me give me the same lustful adoration he’s given me plenty of times before.

I can say anything else because his mouth crushes against mine and he can posses me with one kiss and he does, his warm powerful tongue pushes my lips apart before it finds my own and caress it. His fingertips sink on my hips as he takes a deep breath through his nose and then his hands caress my belly until he cups both my breasts and squeezes them.

“Fuck, I want you.”

Still in my dress, I make a show of it as I get on my knees before him and his lips part. I unbutton his pants but keep the rest of his clothes on so I can see him and hooking my fingers on the hem of his pants, I slowly pull them down his thighs and leave him on just his boxers.

I love having him like this, all to myself, without saying a word or having control of the situation. He’s let me have the control for now and I know he trusts me like that. He doesn’t need to know what I’m going to do next. He just stands there and lets me have him and I feel fucking special for that.

I snake my hands under his shirt and caress his abs as I watch every seam of his jacket and the way it hugs his muscles. He is so fucking hot. I hook my fingers on his boxers and pull them down his legs so his hard, healthy, desperate cock is right there for me. I lick my lips before I hold the base between my fingers and lick a slow, timid stripe from the base to the line where the head begins. He gasps. I do it again.

“Please, baby” he groans “don’t play.”

Our eyes meet and I give him a little smile before I wrap my mouth around him and give him what he wants.

“Fuck.”

I feel his fingers tangling on my hair until his palm massages my scalp and I bow my head, slow and superficially at first, so he’s not yet reaching my throat, before I take him out of my mouth and lick him. His lubrication mixes with my saliva and always holding his base, I devour him like I’ve never devoured anyone ever in my life.

I want him and I want him forever and I know this might not be the most romantic time to realize that but that’s what it is. My yearning for him overcomes every other thought I might have in this moment and all I can think about, and all I am even, is just another part of him.

This time he doesn’t need to ask me to look at him because my eyes search him. I can’t take them off him. The sight of his manhood, this thick and close, drives me crazy so I think the fact that my eyes still look for him talks about how wonderful he really looks tonight.

Our eyes lock and I let my tongue out as I feed myself with him before I wrap my lips around him and suck. I feel him throbbing on my tongue.

“Fuck me, baby…” He groans. “You’re driving me crazy.”

Every time my tongue takes an extra slow lick he closes his eyes so I do it all the time because I love watching him and the way he grunts and moans when I suck him. I free him with a pop and pump my wrist instead, sucking his balls inside my mouth instead and his grip on my hair tightens.

“Shit.”

He’s fighting for breath and I revel on how vulnerable we both are right now. I’m keeling on the floor for him and yet he’s the one at my mercy. I lick him from the base to the tip and lick the crown of his hard on in circles. I smile when I look up at him.

“Fuck, you know perfectly fine…”

What I’m doing. I hold his thighs so I can use him as counterweight and leverage as I bop my head and feel his muscles tensing under my hand.

“Oh, baby”

I clench my thighs together trying to relieve some of the tension his grunts and moans are building on the lower side of my belly and between my legs and Harry places one hand on the wall beside him to support his weight whilst I bring him closer and closer to the climax with my mouth. I don’t take my eyes off his and I know that drives him crazy. His jaw is clenched when his lips don’t part and he lets out soft grunts. His hand moves from my hair down my cheek and his fingertips caress my upper lip.

“Fucking hell, love.”

I have all of him and I moan as he fills my mouth until I feel him on the back of my throat. I know when to stop so as not to gag and when I look up at him, he moans.

“I’m gonna cum, love.”

I nod my head while I keep on sucking and in a second, like he promised, he moans and I feel his hot cum on my tongue. I lick and swallow all of it whilst his thumb caresses my cheek lovingly and I lean my head on his head, revelling on his tenderness. When I get him out of my mouth, I give him a shy smile and he chuckles softly before he lifts me back to my feet. When I’m standing up before him, he wraps his arms around my body and pulls me to him in a tender hug almost unsuitable after what I just did to him. I hug him back and we stay like that for a few seconds.

Then his hand moves to the low of my back and he lays me on his bed but stands between my legs. His hands grab my thighs and pull my body to him until my ass is on the edge of the mattress.

“You look so fucking gorgeous in this dress, love.” His hand moves from my thigh to my belly until he cups my breast. “So fucking sexy.”

I desire him so bad it’s starting to hurt but he’s right there for me and I just have to be a little patient. He takes off my heels and then his hands caress my legs from my ankles to my hips, pulling my dress up with them. I moan when his fingers move my knickers away and he touches me. I’m dripping for him, I don’t think I’ve ever been this soaked and I feel like if he touches me twice I’ll combust.

He gathers some of my wetness on his fingers and slips two inside me and I moan and bite my bottom lip because I have to be quiet. I close my fist on his duvet and cling onto it while he thrusts his fingers slowly in and out of me.

I try to be as quiet as possible so only muffled strangled moans leave me every once in a while but I can listen my own wetness and Harry’s breathing. His other hand snakes up my torso and takes the strap of my dress off, exposing my breast before he wraps his lips around my hard nipple. He sucks and licks my breath and I arch my back and bite on my bottom lip. He’s taken off his jacket but it’s even sexier to see him with the cream vest and the blue silk shirt.

“That’s it, baby, you’re being so good, so quiet.” He whispers against my skin.

“Oh, Harry…”

I feel his hot hard on against my thigh as he keeps moving his fingers in and out of me. He hovers me and I hold onto his arm that’s moving his fingers inside me.

“Harry, please” I whisper “get inside. I need you, please.”

I don’t have to say it twice before I feel him filling me and satisfying my frustration. My hands curl around his biceps and he grinds his hips with a delicious, torturous rhythm and we both gasp and softly moan as much as we try to be quiet.

“You’re so beautiful.” He moans. “And you feel so good, fuck.”

I moan and feel my nipples hardening and the knot on my belly tightening and tightening and tightening. My walls flutter. And so does my heart.

“Are you close?” He whispers.

“Yes, fuck, yes.”

His lips cover mine and I feel my muscles tensing before I lose conscience for a couple of seconds. Harry keeps pounding over me trying to reach his own climax and overstimulating me. I moan and he kisses me so as to muffle my sounds. We could be heard but fuck, I think I’m gonna pee myself and if I pee on him I’d die from embarrassment.

“Harry, I-”

“Fuck, baby, you’re squirting.”

With another thrust he comes inside me and kisses me deeply but slowly, as if trying to calm me down. I have never felt like this before. I mean sex with him is always amazing but fucking hell I am exhausted, beyond consumed. I kiss him back and take deep breaths.

I’m not fully aware of the next few minutes, but I know he got me cleaned up and took my dress off for me before he took the rest of his clothes off and got in the bed with me. When I turn around, he’s grinning like a kid and I ask him what’s on his mind.

“I’m just thinking, teenage Harry wouldn’t believe this.”

I laugh.

“I’m serious” But he’s grinning when he rests his weight on his elbow next to me and hover my torso. “I can’t believe I just fucked someone as fucking gorgeous as you and that you’ve had me in your mouth and that you’ve fucking squirted. Jesus Christ, I think this was the best night of my life.”

I blush.

“That… Uh… That had never happened to me before.”

He grins.

“If only I had known about this Tommy Shelby fantasy of yours sooner…”

I laugh again but it’s harder and harder to keep my eyes opened so I rest my head on his chest and he hugs me.

“That had nothing to do with Tommy Shelby… It was all you…” I yawn. “I’d have you over him any day. I’d have you over anyone.”

[diyunho]

The Joker X Reader - “Ghost Driver”

When The Joker says you’re his, it means you’re essential to him because he needs your services for his own gain; it literally has zero affectionate connotations. Turbo is The King’s Ghost Driver and although she’s a legend, her life is far from perfect.

Part 2

“Where’s all your stuff?!” Frost asks since the apartment is pretty much empty.

“Gave it to Adam,” you sulk. “He wouldn’t sign the divorce papers so I gave in; I don’t even care… I’m glad he’s out of here.”

Jonny gazes at you in silence, a million words rushing through his mind and The Joker’s henchman can’t articulate anything close to what he would like to vociferate besides foolish small talk:

“How are you holding up?”

“Not sure… I don’t even know what the hell happened to us…It used to be so great and then he started making comments about my weight, gossiping with his friends behind my back, then cheated… I couldn’t handle it,” Y/N confesses although Frost is already acquainted with the dreadful story of her crumbled marriage.

“Not what the hell happened to us,” he decides to underline his personal opinion. “I think the question should be what the hell happened to him: you didn’t do anything wrong. And I believe you look perfect,” he mumbles the last sentence.

“What was that?” you search the fridge for his favorite soda.

“Nothing... nothing…”

“Here you go,” you offer the cold Fanta to a distraught companion.

“Thanks, Y/N. Here’s the money for tonight,” he gives you the envelope. “As usually, half now , half after the job is done.”

“OK,” you accept the terms without issues because it’s how The Clown Prince of Crime pays for your services. “Jonny, why is there an extra thousand dollars in here?!”

“Ummm…” the man tries to find a reasonable explanation yet Y/N can’t accept his strategy.

“Should I text Mister Joker and thank him for the bonus?”

“Nope,” he bites on his lip.

“I appreciate it,” you return the extra cash to Frost. ”I’m fine. Really.”

“Well…” he takes the bills and stashes them in his wallet, “… let me know if you need anything, alright?”

“I promise I will, “ you smile. “I swear on my Turbo honor,” the joke makes him smile also.

“Hey Y/N… I was thinking… maybe one of these days, if you feel like it, we could… and it’s entirely up to you, no pressure… maybe you would want to… ”

Frost’s phone keeps ringing and he retrieves from his suit’s pocket, annoyed about the interruption.

“It’s Audra,” he huffs while declining the call.

“Might be important,” you sort of urge him to answer.

“Meh, I doubt it. She will chew my ears off regarding our relationship that ended 3 months ago. I’m not interested,” he strolls towards the exit due to another pressing matter he has to attend. “I have to go, Mister Joker has a meeting soon; I’ll see you later, Y/N.”

“See you,” you wave and lock the door when your cell alerts of an incoming text from The Joker.

Downloading two pictures… Pictures?!

“Oh…my… God…!” you hold your breath when the first image depicts a totally naked King of Gotham reflected in the mirror at his gym and squeal when the second one shows a close up of his mid-section.

“Oh my God!” you burst out laughing as you admire the unexpected missive. “Heeeelllo Mister Joker,” you mutter and actual phrases pop up on your screen.

“I sent these to the wrong number, Y/N. Ignore and erase them!”

“Of course, sir!” you immediately reply with no intention of doing it for the moment.

Why?

The hilarious error shook you up from apathy and it’s worth saving those pics for a bit longer since you can’t remember the last time something got your attention after the messy divorce.

***************

11:49 PM

The Joker is the first one to get in the car next to you, firmly clutching to his suitcase full of diamonds freshly stolen from “Diamond Emporium” store on Glissan Avenue. You notice the other goons sneaking to the cars deliberately positioned around nearby streets for tonight’s robbery. How come J doesn’t go with them?

The dilemma is simple:

The green haired menace typically arrives with his regular crew when he plans heists but has Y/N pick him up after the job is done.

“Hi Mister Joker,” you greet your employer.

“Hey,” he acknowledges your presence. “Did you delete the pictures?” The Joker gets straight to the point.

“Yes,” you lie and tell the truth in the same time: you erased the whole body image but kept the close up one for future reference.

“Good. What did you think?” the hasty interrogation prompts a careful chosen response.

“You look very…,” and you pause in order to find the correct term since a tiny mistake could set him off. “… Healthy, Mister Joker.”

“I do,” he huffs quite pleased with your statement.

You wish to add more but Frost and the new hire squeeze in the back seat awaiting orders.

“You’re in luck kid,” Jonny places a box filled with precious gems at his feet. “Your first assignment and you get to meet Turbo.”

The young man opens his mouth in amazement as you move the fingers from your right hand in the air instead of a proper introduction.

“You’re Turbo?! I thought you’re a guy!” Nick blurs out and Frost punches him in the head, displeased with the observation.

“Sounds empty,” you growl while The Clown snorts.

“My Ghost Driver A GUY??!! Ha-ha-ha-ha!” the unnerving, screechy noises make the newbie shrivel up. “Turbo, A GUY!” he continues to amuse himself before giving Nick a psychotic glare.

“I’m…I’m so sorry, I meant no disrespect,” he nervously stutters especially since J called you “his”.

The poor bastard’s oblivious about what the label implies in The Clown’s universe: when The Joker says you’re his, it means you’re essential to him because he needs your services for his own gain; it literally has zero affectionate connotations.

“Where the fuck did you find this buffoon?” you chew on your gum, irritated.

“He’s Richard’s nephew,” Jonny sucks on his teeth.

“Uncle Panda is infinitely smarter,” Y/N barks at the revelation.

“I’m truly sorry,” Nick apologizes again and you cut him off.

“Save it!... … I hear sirens,” you slowly inhale and The King calmly articulates:

“I forgot to mention I accidentally triggered the silent alarm.”

Translation: he did it on purpose.

You snicker at the first lights blinking in the distance, excited to have some fun after stressing so much in the past weeks. The vehicles belonging to the gang scatter in different directions as you step on the gas pedal, accelerating towards the numerous police cars answering to the 10-64 code.

“That’s my girl!” J cracks his neck, already hyped at the adrenaline rush burning his veins: The Ghost Driver is perfect to offer him what he craves and she always delivers.

That’s why Turbo is his.

************

4:37 AM

“Hi…Mister…Mister Joker…” you attempt to talk without slurring.

“It’s Ella,” his girlfriend snarls.

“Why…where is he?” you guzzle down half of glass of wine, adamant in having a chat with your boss.

“Well, after you two had a merry time being chased by cops all over town, he came home and now he’s sorting out the diamonds,” the woman bitterly reports.

“I wanna talk to him,” you sniffle and drink some more alcohol.

“You just saw him. I’m sure it can wait until tomorrow.”

“I’m sure it can’t!” you shout. “I just received important information he’d be i…interested in,” you finally make it through the whole sentence.

Ella stomps in the living room, vexed at your behavior.

“It’s Turbo,” she shoves the phone in his fingers. “The bitch is wasted!”

“What did you call me?!” the appalled Y/N is about to burst when The Joker’s deep voice resonates I her ear.  

“Yeah?”

“Sir,” you correct your bitter tone. “I h-have very important news!”

“I’m listening,” J ignores his woman as she cusses you out.

“I have to tell you in person, sir. Let’s go on a date and I’ll reveal the entire shocking...”

“Huh?!”

“I have crucial information…”

“Quit repeating yourself!” The Joker interrupts. “You’re not making any sense. Go to sleep and we’ll catch up after you sober up.”

“But I wanna go on date Mister Joker,” you gulp the rest of the wine and prepare for a fourth round.

“Why, because I look healthy?” J mocks and Ella sighs, not understanding the odd conversation she’s witnessing. “… …. … Hello?”

A loud thud, then dialing tone at the other end of the line.

“I think she passed out,” The King of Gotham concludes, not particularly worried at the sudden halt of your monologue.

***************

3 Days Later

The late meeting is almost done: the buyers already purchased the diamonds J had for sale, among them your ex-husband Adam that has a small crowd gathered next to him; he’s supposedly famous for his crappy attitude enjoyed by jerks sharing the same ludicrous humor.

“You know I’m sensible when it comes to challenges and I couldn’t grasp why she doesn’t want my help in shedding a few pounds. What’s the harm in that?! I love curves but sometimes I don’t, ya’ know?” he winks and the group laughs.

The Joker is arranging money in duffle bags, his concentration diverted by the impromptu comedic performance. What the heck are they yapping about?

Frost is certainly in a foul mood: J can guess his trusted henchman is worked up since the usual chilled Jonny can’t control his anger.

“What’s wrong with being voluptuous, hm?” he addresses Adam and it clicks for The Joker: this is about Y/N.

“Nothing at all,” he smirks and the laughter around the room dies out because not too many dare screwing with Jonny Frost. “I was merely emphasizing that if a woman can’t lose weight, she’s doomed. Y/N lost me, how is she going to get another stud if she…”

“Perhaps she’s not interested in pieces of shit; definitely had her share!” Frost grumbles at the absurd remarks.

The Joker has no clue about what’s going on, yet he won’t deny today’s entertainment is far from boring.

“Give me a break!” Adam scoffs. “Who’d sniff her tail if she refuses to get skinnier? Ooohhh, wait a minute, we might have an admirer,” he arrogantly slides your cell out of his coat. “I was browsing her pictures and what do you know? A gentleman sent Y/N a picture of his junk three days ago. I am deeply sorry, my bad. She does have somebody sniffing her tail. What kind of loser sends images of his dangling goodies to another dude’s wife?!” 

“Ex-wife!” Jonny sneers whilst J’s calculation leads to an easy verdict: you kept one pic.

“Whose junk is this?! Is it yours?” your estranged spouse accuses Frost without any evidence.

“It’s my junk,” The Joker’s serene revelation makes everyone freeze: they have no idea how to react at the puzzling escalation of events.

Is he bluffing?!

“I wasn’t aware I require permission in order to text whatever I desire to whomever I want.”

Awkward silence and Frost approaches Adam, boiling with indignation.

“Why do you have Y/N’s phone?”

Your husband doesn’t have a chance to justify his action: Jonny’s punch throws him to the ground, immediately followed by his unsettling ultimatum.  

“You son of a bitch, what did you do to her?”

Your former husband gets on his elbow ready to attack when The King’s stern inquiry stops his motion:

“WHERE.IS.MY.TURBO?”

****************

After 1 hour

Frost lifts you higher in his arms while you keep wheezing, trying to regain control.

“I’m sorry…I attacked you,” the weakened Y/N whispers. “I thought you were Adam...”

After being abducted and left to starve for the last 3 days, you had one clear purpose: to kill the guy that did it. Adam surely crossed the line with his despicable plan of making you lose weight: he creeped in your apartment, kidnapped you and took you to his home where you were chained in the cellar until Jonny found you. The basement was dark and you couldn’t see, that’s why you used whatever strength you had left in order to attack the individual responsible for your misfortune.

Turned out it was actually a rescue party although Frost is now the proud owner of a beautiful bump courtesy of Y/N.

“No problem,” Jonny takes you to his SUV, carefully laying you down in the passenger’s seat. “How’s your head?” he wipes the dried blood on your cheeks since Adam knocked you out unconscious while you were talking to The Joker after the heist.

“I’m OK,” you start crying, mostly mad at yourself for being such an easy prey, yet you didn’t see it coming.

“You know… It’s OK not to be OK,” Frost opens a bottle of water and gives it to you. “I’ll take you home, you can take a shower and I’ll have the doctor come for an emergency evaluation. Are you hungry?”

“I’m so hungry,” tears stream down your face and Jonny has a great proposal.

“I’ll order some food and if you want me to I can stay with you. After you feel better, we could… and it’s entirely up to you, no pressure… maybe you would want to…”

The Joker rolls his eyes, deciding to emerge from the shadows.

“Wow, this is painful to watch. Frost believes he’s still in high school: basically he’s asking you on a date. There, done. No need to beat around the bush. Jesus!” J scolds about a subject he shouldn’t mess with. “I have a heist next week, you better be good to go by then!” he gestures at the confused duo. “If you’ll excuse me, I have my own date to honor. We’re done here, yes?”

“Yes sir,” Jonny replies for both, unwilling to split hairs with The Joker and his obnoxious aberrations. “Here’s your cell,” he returns the item to you and you snatch it, relieved. You seem to have an outburst of energy as you unlock the secured folder.

“Where’s Adam?”

“I don’t know, we had an altercation at the warehouse then he scrammed,” Frost reports, ogling a strange looking Y/N typing on her phone.

“He won’t be able to hide,” you grin and send the attachment to The Joker.

*************

“We’ll be late for dinner,” Ella kisses The Clown. “I’m not a 100% positive why we had to waste precious time and come for her,” she pouts and drags him after her towards their vehicle.

J’s phone chimes and he stops in his tracks, not expecting a message from you seconds after the encounter.

“Mister Joker, you were very generous to share pictures with me.

Allow me to do the same.

Your Turbo.”

Imagines downloading and he’s not sure what to do when pics appear one by one: frames taken by the private investigator you hired to follow Adam when you suspected he was cheating. The bastard was diligent, but he was eventually caught in the act three days ago.

Who’s the woman he’s with?

The Joker’s Queen.

“What’s wrong?” she frowns at the visible switch in his temper.

The Clown ruthlessly slams Ella against the hood while her cell also receives a text from Y/N:

“Who’s the bitch now?”

 Also read: MASTERLIST

You can also follow me on Wattpad and Ao3 under the same blog name: DiYunho.

[nialledfromfics]

The Dating Game | Chapter Three

~~

He couldn’t get her off his mind. Her infectiously bright smile, the sparkle in her hazelnut eyes every time they locked on his. The way her hair smelled like the sweetest apples ever grown. Her soft giggle, which played over and over in his head like a never ending carousel. They way his body nearly melted any time she got close to him. He barely knew this girl, but he just could not get her off his mind. 

Niall woke up early that Sunday morning after the festival so he could sneak in a small workout. But his concentration wasn’t on his squats or the thirty minutes of treadmill time he was required to do. No, it was stuck on her. On her voice, her hair, her lips, her skin. Every part of her made an aching warmth fill his belly, and his heart race like a goddamn horse in his chest. He hadn’t felt that way about someone in a long time, longer than he could remember. And he had no idea how she felt about him, or if she even thought about him at all, but he was determined to keep this girl, this girl he barely knew, in his life. Somehow.

Wiping the sweat from his browline with a small towel, Niall stepped off the treadmill and chugged back some water. He pulled his phone from the pocket of his shorts and switched off the music that had been playing through his earbuds before opening up his texts. His thumbs idled over the screen, almost like he was too nervous and didn’t know what to say and for Niall, that was something very new. He was usually a pretty confident person and had been so used to networking and meeting loads of people over the past ten years of his career, that talking to others always came easy to him. He was incredibly personable. So, sending a simple text to a girl normally wouldn’t stump him up. Normally. 

Niall ran his finger over his bottom lip in precarious thought, nervously scratching his nails though the side of his beard before he decided to just bite the bullet and...hit send.

Hey Joey , it’s Niall. Just wanted to see how your date went last night. no puke I hope .

The text sent and Niall stood there in the middle of the gym, staring down at his phone like an idiot. Was he waiting for those tiny little bubbles to pop up? He wasn’t sure but he knew he wasn’t moving a muscle until he was positive she had seen it. 

Joey, on the other hand, giggled like a giddy teenager as Alexis jumped up off the sofa and came bounding over to where her friend was standing. “Lemme seeee,” she whined, “what’d he say?” 

“He writes like one of the kids in my class,” Joey playfully teased, Alexis gasping and swatting the side of her arm.

“Be nice.” 

Joey smiled. “I’m only kidding. It’s cute actually.” 

Hooking her hand on her hip, Alexis urged Joey on. “Joey, c’mon, text back. You have to text back.”

“Relax,” she replied, looking over at her best friend, “I am. I’m just...figuring out what I should say.” 

Nipping at the inside corner of her mouth, Joey thought for a minute before sending a text back to him. 

Hi Niall! Date was okay, no puke, thank God. How was your night?

It wasn’t but a few seconds before another text from Niall had popped up onto Joey’s screen. 

N: We had a good Time. it was nice seeing ya . like talking to you .

Slowly flicking her eyes to her best friend as they both read over the text, Alexis tossed her hands up to her mouth to hold in her squeal. She was always a bit over dramatic. Joey smiled and sent him another text. 

J: It was nice seeing you too.

N: I’ve asked my agent and manager about gettin you those tickets . . they’re looking around to see what they can find . It shouldnt be too hard though

J: Oh wow, that’s awesome, Niall, I really appreciate it!

N: No problem , Joey , really. I’ll definitely let ya know when I get me hands on some.

Joey bounced happily on the balls of her feet. “This is too much, you think he’s gonna ask you out?” Alexis said. 

“Shhh…”

J: You are a Godsend, honestly. The best person I have ever met in probably forever. 

“Wow, Jo, way to inflate his ego.” 

Joey rolled her eyes at her best friend’s sarcastic comment, dropping her hands in a huff. “Shut up, he’s not like that. I’m just being nice, like you said.” She smiled big at Alexis and raised her brows.

N: Hahahahaha 😂

J: You think I’m kidding, Niall, but I’m serious lol 

N: Well . . . I can say the same about you .

J: Now you’re just trying to charm me, aren’t you? 

N: eh Maybe 😉

Running his tongue over his lips, Niall fought off the smirk that wanted to invade them as he softly chuckled to himself. He switched his music app back on, sticking his phone into the pocket of his jogger shorts and hopped back onto the treadmill, now having the focus to finish his morning workout. 

•

The texts left a blissful smile on Joey’s face that lasted for the next few days. She’d find herself thinking about them, about him, as she was applying her makeup in the bathroom mirror each morning, or drowning out the sound of her shoes on the sidewalk every time she took Sadie for a walk. Or while reading the children their weekly storybook, and fixing herself dinner every night. Her mind was so preoccupied with the fleeting, and foolish, thoughts of Niall, that she had almost forgotten about her date that coming Thursday. 

Joey would normally not agree to a date on a weekday given that she had to be at work early the next morning, but the guy she was meeting up with, Felix, was very adamant on seeing the premiere of some sci-fi movie that Joey, frankly, had zero interest in. But she decided that she should just suck it up and file it right into another one of her ‘experience’ folders. It was just a movie, right? She could live through it? 

Felix wasn’t the usual type of guy that Joey would go for. He had long unruly hair, seemed a bit unkempt in his general appearance and from what he mentioned, wasn’t very goal oriented; he was in between jobs at the moment but taking his time trying to figure out what he really wanted to do. He was a slacker by all definitions. But he was really sweet in their conversations back and forth, insisting on taking her out, and she thought that there would be no harm in going on a date with him. She didn’t get home from work until a bit after 4pm that Thursday night, and made sure to hop in the shower first thing. After blow drying her long red hair, Joey slipped on a pair of ankle length jeans and a black fitted top, Sadie already jumping at her legs to be pet. 

She let out a sigh and bent over to squish the little dog's face, giving her a sweet kiss on the top of her head. “You’re the only one I really need in my life, Sadie girl.” 

Joey was to meet Felix at the theater complex around 6:30 as the movie was to start at 7pm. Standing outside the front of the theater, Joey watched as people went in and out of the doors, and it was nearing 6:45 by the time a car had pulled up right in front of her. The passenger door swung open and a guy wearing ripped jeans and a raggedy worn old t-shirt, and matching the pictures she had seen on his profile, stepped out. He waved to the person driving, an elderly looking lady, as he slammed the car door shut and stepped over to Joey. 

“Hey, I’m Felix.” 

The young woman smiled politely. “Hi, I’m Joey.”

They shook hands, Joey fumbling with keeping the strap of her bag hooked on her shoulder as Felix peered up at the large marquee sign above the entrance. “Sorry for being late, I had to wait for my grandma to get done making my grandpa his dinner.” 

Her lips parted briefly and Joey pointed a finger at where the car had come to a stop. “That was...your grandmother?”

Felix nodded. “Yeah...I live in their basement. And I don’t really have a car right now, so she drives me.” Joey stayed quiet. “Should we go in?”

•

Joey was right about the movie, absolutely zero interest. And she had just about as much interest in Felix. That had to have been the longest, and most boring, two hours of her life. She was not just bored out of her mind, she was also well beyond annoyed. Not only could Felix not hold a conversation to save his life, but he dropped their only bag of popcorn into Joey’s lap when he got up to use the restroom and he also completely misread a polite lean in halfway through the movie to quietly inquire about a character and tried to unexpectedly kiss her. Totally unprovoked and very much unwanted. It did not go over well. 

Walking out through the theater doors in a huff, the night air hit with a gust and Joey felt like she could finally breathe again. She quickly yanked her phone out of her bag and, without saying a word to her date, requested a Lyft home. The driver was only three minutes out. Felix followed behind as she stepped closer to the street and paused to stand right next to her. “Thanks for paying, I really can’t believe I left my wallet at home.” 

Joey rolled her eyes, checking on how close her ride was. “No worries,” she told him with a forced smile. “It happens.”

He ran his hand through the front of his hair and chewed on the corner of his lip. Joey’s Lyft pulled up and she looked over at Felix. “Um...I guess I should go-”

“Hey do you maybe wanna go get something to eat? Nothing too fancy since you’ll be paying and all.” He laughed, as if what he was saying was an actual joke. It wasn’t.

Furrowing her brows, she just stared at him and shook her head. “No, thanks I’m-”

A text message coming through her phone interrupted her, the device vibrating in her hand. Joey glanced down and clicked open her messages. 

N: Hey Joey. . I know this is last minute , but I just got u some tickets to a Wildflowers show at the Echo on Sunset that starts in about an hour . u down?

Her heart nearly beat out of her chest as she read over the text Niall had sent and she quickly sent him one back. 

J: Holy shit, yes!! I can totally meet you there in 20?

N: yeah sure . see ya There

Clamping her teeth on her bottom lip to hold in her ever growing smile, she looked up at Felix. “Sorry, I gotta go,” she said, clambering into the backseat of her ride, “thanks for-...uh, yeah, have a good night!” She slammed the door shut and told the driver where she needed to go, the car pulling away and leaving Felix there alone to wait for his grandma.

•

The ride to the venue was one filled with giddiness and a tinge of nerves. Joey had no idea why she was nervous; seeing her favorite band live for the first time, maybe seeing Niall again, she really wasn’t sure, but she did know she was beyond excited. Coming to a stop out front of the club, Joey could see Niall already standing there waiting for her. He was wearing fitted trousers, a vintage t-shirt and a jean jacket. His hands were stuffed down in his pockets, his hair gently tousled to the side and he quietly watched people shuffling into the venue as Joey’s eyes stuck to him like there was no one else around. He looked incredible. 

Climbing out of the vehicle, Joey thanked her driver and it was then that Niall finally saw her. The smile on her face was brighter than he had ever seen before, her light brown eyes sparkling in the neon lights that laced the street above them and for a moment, as his stare locked on hers, he could have sworn that everyone else around them had vanished. His heart picked up its pace as she walked towards him, flicking her long red hair over her shoulder and before he could even register what was happening, Niall found Joey crashing her body against his in a hug. 

She wasn’t even thinking. She saw him standing there waiting for her, his cheeks rounding in a huge smile that caused the cutest dimple to crease his skin and for a split second, Joey lost all control over herself. Her breath caught in her throat the second her body touched his; her arms curling around his neck so tight like she was a drowning victim who needed rescuing and Niall barely hesitated before his arms wrapped around her middle. Closing her eyes as she inhaled along with him, she felt his splayed hand gently rub just a fraction across the span of her upper back before Joey clumsily cleared her throat and pulled away. 

An awkward giggle left her lips but Niall just smiled even bigger at her. “It’s good to see you.”

“It’s good to see you too,” she replied, biting her lip as she took a tiny step back and adjusted the strap of her bag on her shoulder. “You actually kinda saved me.” 

Niall’s brows wrinkled. “Yeah? How’s that?” 

Flicking her stare off of his, Joey dropped her chin down. “Well, I was on another date, a really shitty date actually and you texted me and-…” she peered back up at him, “you just have impeccable timing.” 

He laughed, his head tossing back a bit. “I’m glad I could save ya from another disaster.” 

“Me too.” 

Licking across his lips, Niall found himself locked in her gaze for a moment, unintentional but not surprising before he realized why he was there meeting her in the first place. He shook his head out of his daydream. “Oh…” he mumbled, reaching into his back pocket and pulling out two ticket stubs. “Here, these are for you.” 

Joey glanced down at the tickets held out towards her and she stared at them for a second, a slight disbelief coming over her. He really did it. He really got them for her. She gently grabbed the tickets and looked back up at him. “I can’t believe I’m really holding Wildflower tickets,” she giggled, not even bothering to fight the huge smile on her face, “it’s like a dream!” 

Niall chuckled, lowering his head as he carded his fingers through his hair. “Well, I hope ya have a good time.” 

“Wait…” Joey tipped her head to the side, her brows cinching in, “you’re not coming in with me?”

Locking his gaze on hers, Niall’s mouth gently parted. “Did...did ya want me to come in with you?” he asked, his brows raising. 

“Well...yeah,” Joey scoffed, “I-...I mean, I was hoping you would, if you don’t, like, have other plans. I wouldn’t even have these tickets if it weren’t for you.” 

Niall darted his stare with hers, Joey softly biting down into her bottom lip as she waited for his answer and he gave her a faint nod, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Okay...yeah, I’d love to.” 

“Yay!” she squealed, causing a chuckle from Niall. “We’re gonna have so much fun!” Handing him one of the tickets back, Joey stepped past Niall to lead the way into the venue and he followed behind her, staying as close as he possibly could. 

•

He couldn’t take his eyes off of her. She was the prettiest, most alluring woman he had ever seen and the way she let go to the music, the way she felt it, singing along and smiling and laughing, it was all so...captivating. Her eyes gleamed every time he caught a glimpse of them, her body moving like a dandelion seed in the wind; effortless and free. She was beautiful. 

Joey did not stop smiling the entire night. Happiness seemed to come naturally to her, it lit her up from the inside and was nearly infectious. So much so, that Niall, keeping his stare on her as much as he could, found himself smiling right along with her. There was something about her that he liked, really liked, almost admired and he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. But he enjoyed being around her. More than he had enjoyed being around anyone in a long time. 

The concert ended a bit before midnight, and Niall and Joey filed out of the venue along with the other concert goers. Stopping right out front, Joey eased her eyes up to Niall’s as she faced him. Taking in a deep breath, they both stood quiet for a moment before a few giggles broke the silence. Joey tipped her head down in shyness before peering back up at Niall. 

As his eyes fawned over her face, soaking in the beauty of the delicate slope of her nose and the fullness of her bare lips, he slowly reached out to her. Joey’s breath stalled. “May I?” he whispered. She nodded, unsure of what she was consenting to as Niall moved his hand closer and lightly brushed a few strands of her red hair from off her cheek to tuck behind her ear. 

Her lips gently parted and her eyes fluttered as the warmth of his skin touched hers and Niall froze just as his fingertip slipped down the shell of her ear. Swallowing hard, he flicked his stare over hers before quickly retracting his hand, hastily shoving it into the front pocket of his pants. Joey smirked at his nervous reaction. “Thank you so much for the tickets,” she softly spoke up after clearing her throat, “I feel like I should repay you but...I don’t even know where to begin.” 

“No, no...please,” Niall said, shaking his head as he attempted to run his hand through his dark hair, “no need, really. As long as you had a good time, that’s all

that matters.” 

She smiled at him again. “I did...thank you.” Letting out a short sigh, Joey peeked over her shoulder at the traffic buzzing past their intersection and grabbed her phone from her back pocket. “I guess I should be getting home.” 

Niall watched her click into her phone and start to scroll through. “Did you drive here?” 

“No,” Joey replied, catching his stare, “but it’s fine, I’ll just get a Lyft or something.” 

“I, uh...I’m only parked a couple blocks up,” he mentioned, pointing up the street from them,”if you don’t mind walkin’ a bit, I can take ya home.” 

“Are you sure?”

“Of course!”

A soft grin spread over her lips. “Okay, thank you.”  

They began to walk in the direction of where Niall’s car was parked, not stressing on time or needing something to chat about. There was no rush, there was no pressure and Joey slowly kept pace with Niall, their shoulders bumping every so often. It was a clear night out, a soft breeze kissing their skin as the bright lights from the storefronts and the blazing of car horns in the distance seemed to drown out between their harmonious giggles and easy flowing small talk. 

“By the way, that show was fucking amazing,” Joey commented.

“You enjoyed it?”

“Enjoyed it?” she laughed, “Niall, this was definitely one of the best nights of my life in, like,...forever. It was like a fucking dream.” 

Niall’s head tipped back in a laugh, his hand perching on the front of his stomach. “Good,” he managed to stutter out, looking back over at her, “I’m glad you had a great time.” 

She brushed some hair from her face and smiled at him. “The best time.”

“Better than your date earlier?” he asked, raising a brow.

Joey playfully narrowed her stare. “What, are you keeping score?” 

“No, no...just curious.” 

The young woman tilted her head down in a bashful smile before she peered back over at him. “A hundred times better than my date earlier.” 

Giving her a nod, he raised his hand up and motioned a checkmark symbol into the air. “One check for me.” 

Not being able to hold in her laugh, Joey pinched her eyes shut as the sweet sound left her lips and leaned her face over to rest against the peak of his shoulder. Niall slowed his steps as he flicked his eyes down, seeing just the top of her head. She quickly looked up at him, a smile still tugging at her mouth. “You are too funny.” 

“I try,” he shrugged with a half smirk.

“Hey, out of my own curiosity,” Joey started, crossing her arms over her chest as they continued walking, “do you think you’d ever...join one of those dating apps?”

His brows furrowed. “Tinder?”

“Yeah.” 

“Oh...fuck, no,” he scoffed, his bluntness causing Joey to cover her mouth in a giggle. Niall’s eyes went big as he caught what he had said and looked over at her, rubbing a hand across the back of his neck. “I...I don’t mean that in a bad way, Joey, ya know, more power to ya and all, but, it’s just…with what I do, with who I am, I can barely trust the people I already know in me real life. No way I could trust some random strangers I met off if an app.” 

Nodding her head, Joey dropped her stare. “Yeah, I mean, I obviously don’t do what you do, so I can’t really even begin to know what that’s like, but...I do understand what you mean about trusting people.” 

Her tone had softened with that last bit and Niall instantly took notice. He licked across his lips as his eyes tried to read her face. “You have a hard time trustin’ people too?” he asked her.

Joey nodded and caught Niall’s gaze once more. “I didn’t before,” she began to explain, “you know, I was probably the most trusting person you’d ever meet, which...was probably a fault in the end. But my ex, Jake-...he was...not the greatest person. He was manipulating and controlling and just not a nice guy, and I wasted three years of my life on him. Even when I knew that I shouldn’t have.” 

“I’m sorry, that’s fuckin’ terrible.” 

“We broke up, like, two years ago, and it’s taken me that long to even think about trusting anyone again,” she lifted her shoulders in a shrug, “It’s pretty much why I haven’t started to date again until now.” 

“Yeah, that makes sense. I dunno, though, I just think datin’ is...too time consumin’, ya know?” Niall said with a short laugh, holding out his hands as he looked over at Joey, “I mean, gettin’ to know someone should feel more...organic, it should come easy and not feel so...forced. I dunno.” With a little shrug, he peeked down at the toes of his shoes, “Like I said, I don’t date much. I love the actual relationship part, that’s nice, ya know, bein’ with someone, havin’ all those experiences with ‘em, but the whole...meetin’ someone for the first time and goin’ out and gettin’ to know the person...fuckin’ hell.” 

He shifted his blue eyes over and locked his stare on Joey’s. “Kinda wish you could just...skip all that.” 

A smile pulled at her lips and she pushed out a tiny giggle. “Yeah, I know what you mean.” 

“It’s not like I never dated anyone or anythin’,” Niall went on, “Me last girlfriend...she was a great girl, don’t get me wrong, we were together for nearly a year but...it got to a point that I just wasn’t feelin’ it anymore and I had to end it. I felt horrible, ya know, ‘cause I did love her in a way, but...it just wasn’t right anymore, somethin’ wasn’t right.” 

There was a fraction of quiet that wafted between them as Niall’s words left his lips before Joey spoke up. “Well...at least you didn’t lead her on for years to the point that she was expecting you to propose or some shit.” 

“Oh…God,” Niall threw his head back with a loud groan, running his palms over the front of his face. “I can’t even think about that at this point in me life.” 

Joey giggled again. “I’m now picturing myself married to that guy from tonight and...wow, complete shitshow.” 

They both bowed over in laughter. “At least you can admit it.” 

“That’s the first step, Niall.”

After a few more laughs and about half a block, they finally reached Niall’s car. Yanking the keys from his pocket, Niall unlocked it before stepping over to the passenger side door to kindly open it for Joey. 

Her brows raised at the chivalrous gesture and she peered at him as she climbed in and settled into the seat. “Still trying to charm me?”

“Absolutely.” 

With a lopsided smirk, he gave her a playful wink and closed her door. 

Joey lived in Toluca Lake, which was about a thirty five minute drive through Hollywood from the concert venue. Not really unheard of for LA, but still out of the way from where Niall had mentioned that he lived. They had to literally pass his house on the way. If Joey had known that, she definitely would have insisted on getting a Lyft instead, the last thing she wanted to be was a bother. 

Despite the extra time in the car for Niall, he rather enjoyed the aspect of driving Joey home. It gave him more time to get to know her, to talk to her. To hear her voice and her laugh and see her smile. Joey was even more enthralled with Niall. Hearing him go on and on about his music and his many passions, seeing the way his face lit up with the mention of his favorite bands and athletes. The deep tone of his voice was so rousing, his accent so sexy, it sent shivers down Joey’s spine with every mention of her name. The way his stare stayed focused on the road ahead, his big hand perched up on the steering wheel as his thumb gently tapped along with the low hum of the music that was playing on the radio. 

She couldn’t take her eyes off of him. 

Pulling up to the front of Joey’s apartment building, Niall stopped the car and put it in park. Joey turned her head to stare up at the modest brick-front building, and scraped her teeth along her bottom lip. She almost didn’t want to get out of the car. Looking back over at Niall, she smiled. “I had a really great time, Niall, it was nice hanging out with you. No...weird expectations, ya know?

He nodded, dropping his hand into his lap. “Yeah, I had a good time.” 

“Thank you again for the tickets, seriously,” she said, “It was one of the best shows I’ve ever been to.” 

“I was actually pleasantly surprised, to be honest, I had never seen them live before.” 

“Now you know why I love them so much.”

They both let out soft chuckles and Joey peeked down into her lap. “Hey, um…” Niall began, causing Joey to flick her gaze back to his, “would it be weird if I, like, texted you some time? Just to, like, chat or whatever. I quite like talkin’ to ya.” 

Joey tucked her bottom lip into her mouth. “I like talking to you too, that’d be great. I’d like that.” 

“Cool,” Niall said, carding his fingers through his hair, “Maybe we can, um, go get some coffee or somethin’ this weekend, if you’re free or whatever.” 

“Yeah, sure, that’d be fun,” she replied with a nod, reaching down to unhook her seatbelt. 

Niall smiled. “Alright, well...I’ll text ya then. Have a good night, Joey.” 

Opening her door, Joey stepped out of the car. “You have a good night too, Niall,” she said with a sweet smile before giving him a wave and shutting the door. 

Niall watched with hooded eyes as she walked up to her building's door and put in the code, Joey sweeping her hair to rest over her one shoulder as she disappeared inside. Sitting there for a moment, Niall let his eyes fall closed and tipped his head back on the seat, a long and heartfelt sigh sliding past his parted lips

[eliza-makepeace]

Okay I know I've talked about my disappointments with the sequels plenty, and some of you may know that I have my own ideas and headcanons about the future of the Skywalker family that has nothing to do with the one d*sney created. BUT, every time I see Anthony Ingruber (who is an AMAZING actor) doing his own thing I feel personally attacked that he wasn't involved in a more decent version of the ST.

(pictures taken from Anthony's Instagram page) Just look at this guy. Not only does he look like Han (for those who don't know, Anthony played young Harrison Ford in the Age of Adaline, having been hired bc the director saw his impersonation of Han Solo he did on YouTube), but he also resembles Anakin, with the curly blond hair and the blue eyes.

I wouldn't have wanted him to play Kyle or anything of the sort, but it legitimately infuriates me that they picked Adam Driver as Han and Leia's child when he looked nothing like either of them PRECISELY since this kid was there and up for it. He could have been Kyle's other brother, ya know, the decent one that cares for his parents and is Poe Dameron's best friend, Bail Organa Solo, even Skywalker if he should feel like it, since he's also very close to his uncle Luke.

Anyway, I could ramble about my headcanons about this character DLF were too big cowards to create for days on end, but I won't. I just wanted to share my frustration.

[lycorogue]

Marinette’s Song: Chapter 2

You can read Chapter 1 here.

UPDATE (2/15/20): You can also now find this story over on AO3, on FFN, and on DA.

Summary: Whenever Luka creates music it affects people. He can’t handle having to hide his music anymore, and so he goes to the Tom & Sabine Charms and Potions shop for some help. Can Marinette’s witchcraft allow Luka to finally share his music with the world? Witch and Mythological Magic AU

Rating: General Audiences

Words: 10,943 Words This Chapter: 1324

Status: Completed; 7 chapters

Disclaimer: I wanted to anchor Marinette’s magic in Wiccan as opposed to “Hollywood witchcraft”, but I’m Christian. I tried to do my research, but I also know I’m taking a lot of creative liberties. If you notice any glaring misrepresentation of Wiccan, please let me know.

Luka regretted leaving his bike behind about four blocks into his run. He only managed to spur himself forward with the promise of two things: finding a way to dampen his power, and the prospect of seeing Marinette. She was one of Juleka's friends and classmates. A sweet girl that always treated his sister with kindness and appreciation. It kept Luka quite some time to officially meet her, due to the awkwardness even two years age difference caused when one was young. Once he did though?

His fingers twitched as if he were playing strings on his guitar. He concentrated on his breathing, pushing himself to run faster; fast enough that he had no spare breath to hum, no matter how many notes sang in his head whenever he thought of Marinette.

Focus on a solution instead, he reminded himself. Any way to suppress this curse has to be priority.

It kept him nearly ten minutes, but soon the Place des Vosges came into view. Shortly after, the little charm shop at the end of the encasing terrace houses peeked out from behind the park fence. Tom & Sabine's Charms and Potions was probably the greatest magical establishment in all of Paris. The greatest one Luka knew of, anyway. It was pure luck that it happened to also be owned and run by Marinette's parents.

Either that, or perhaps Fate?

He skidded to a stop in front of the store's door, bracing himself against his knees as he took in a few panting breathes. Slowly raising his head, he looked through the glass storefront, and his lungs stilled. Leaning on the check-out counter as she doodled was Marinette, oblivious of Luka watching her from just outside her family's store.

She leaned heavily on her left arm, propping her head up as her right hand scribbled in a fury across the paper before her. The rest of the store was still. Even Marinette herself was like a statue, her eyes already so heavy lidded Luka barely noticed her blinking. Her hand, though, never paused as it danced across its canvas.

Luka no longer knew if his heart was pounding from his run, or from watching Marinette. His throat still burned, but his breathing evened out; mostly because it was hard to re-catch it. Notes buzzed loudly in his mind, frantically scrambling into the perfect formation to play out the aura that shone from Marinette. His fingers again twitched on their own as they bent to the guitar chords best fitting the melody singing inside him.

He needed to hear it; to make sure it truly was Marinette's music serenading him. Despite the fire smoldering behind his Adam's Apple, Luka softly hummed his Ballad of Marinette. It wasn't quite right, but the proper base was there. It was plucky, a little clumsy, but somehow moved gracefully, as if the clumsy bits were on purpose. It was strong, with powerful notes hummed loudly, but also held meek movements that were soft and sweet. It was simple enough to hum, but would be so much better once the true complexity could be played on his guitar.

Luka desperately wanted Marinette to hear it; to know how he saw her, and what he thought of her.

Behind him, a couple of kids squealed with delight as they sprinted down the sidewalk towards the park. There was the quickened pounding of their little feet, the high-pitched chime of their tiny laughs, and then the loud screech of tires skidding to a stop.

Luka whipped to his left. A car was partially in the intersection separating the little charms store and the park, barely stopped a meter from the four children who were carelessly still laughing as they played tag in the street. They didn't seem to even notice the car, despite the driver's window now down so she could shout at their obliviousness. The children ignored her, too drunk on the joy Luka poured into the world with his song.

Burning from guilt, Luka stumbled his way into the store, ringing the single bell that hung above the entrance.

“Luka?” Marinette was already on her feet, racing towards one of the store's side windows. “Is everything okay out there? I heard the car-”

“The kids are fine.” He wasn't sure if he was informing Marinette or reminding himself.

She pressed a hand to her heart, heaving out a sigh with closed eyes. “That's good to- Luka? Are you okay?” She jogged to his side, and rested a hand on his chest. Her eyebrows knitted together as her eyes scanned him. “You're shaking, and you look pale. The car didn't almost hit you, did it?”

“No, I-” His fingers twitched once more, so he calmed them by wrapping them around Marinette's hand. A soft blush stained her cheeks, and the world became alright again. “I'm better now that I've had a chance to talk to you,” he cooed.

Marinette whipped her hand away and took a step back, her blush deepening as she broke eye contact. A hint of a smile teased at her lips, and her arm jerked towards her ear so she could play with her crimson studded earring.

Luka didn't bother fighting against the smile stretching across his own face. He kept his distance though, not wanting to rattle her any further.

Marinette cleared her throat, and shook her head to help clear that too. “Good. I'm glad you're okay. Is- Was that why you came here? To, uh, to talk to me?”

Luka's smile vanished. “Actually, no. Well, maybe yes? I was looking for something that would negate hereditary magic, and I hoped you might be able to help.”

“Hereditary magic?” Marinette's eyes grew wider each time she frantically blinked at him. “You have hereditary magic?”

Luka nodded.

“Juleka too?”

Nod.

“Your mom? Or was it inherited from your dad's side? Oh!” Marinette slammed both hands into her mouth to shut herself up. Slowly lowering her hands back down so her lips were just barely visible, she softly spoke. “S-sorry. I know you two don't really talk about him. I didn't mean to bring up a sore subject, I just-”

Luka held up a hand to stop her apologizing. “It's alright. I know you need to know so you can better find a solution for me. It's alright. I'm not offended. Truth is, we're not entirely sure who we inherited it from. My mom seems to know a lot about it, but doesn't have our power. So we're not sure if it came from our dad, or if it just skipped a generation. Maybe both parents had really thin bloodlines, but combined it was enough for a power resurgence?”

“Like a non-dominant gene activating? Yeah, I can see that being possible. Come in, let's figure this out.” Marinette started walking towards the back of the little shop and wove for him to follow. She laced around the check-out counter and snaked towards the back room. Luka stopped at the register, assuming she had to fetch something and then return.

While he waited, he took in the doodle Marinette was so fixated on a few minutes before. It was a cocktail dress design: thin straps, squared neckline, and close-fitted bodice that then flared at the hips. The design also had sleeve fingerless-gloves that attached at the middle fingers, and matching thigh-high stockings. Also included were designs for round-toe heels and a headband with flowers and a ribbon bow down the one side. Luka admired the skill Marinette had in design, and pictured her wearing the outfit. Maybe on a date.

Realizing Luka wasn't behind her, Marinette jogged back, and grabbed his hand to tug him behind the counter. Her hand never left his as she led him through the dark curtain separating the back room from the rest of the store.

And the whole time, Luka's heart belted out Marinette's song.

Read Chapter 3

@discoveringmiraculouswriters​

[itsclydebitches]

Battle -  Pepper has some opinions regarding Madame Tracy's new look.

“Here we are. Isn’t this lovely?”

Pepper, as a rule, hated when grownups lied. There was nothing ‘lovely’ about the apartment complex she was currently getting dragged into. Everything was painted in shades of beige and it smelled exactly like her Nan’s place: mothballs and hand cream. On second thought though, it made a certain amount of horrible sense. She’d seen the decor of Aziraphale’s bookshop, so it was entirely possible that he did think this place was some kind of lovely.

She would have rather he lied.

“Do I really have to stay here?” Pepper asked, but she already knew the whine was going to fall on deaf ears. They’d all been playing hot potato with her since this morning. First Dad said he couldn’t drive her into the city for her dance lesson because he’d been called into an unexpected meeting. Then Mom said she couldn’t either because Mrs. Miller down the road was ill and you know she has no one else to help her. Each left the house that morning not realizing that the other wasn’t picking up the slack. So she’d ridden to the Young’s house, only to be told that Mr. Young was already at work and Mrs. Young would love to take her, really, but she’d just put a stew in that needed watching up until dinner. Why in the world do you need to go out during winter break? Pepper was about to head down to Brian’s when Adam suggested calling Crowley instead, their discussion producing the same passively bemused expression on Mrs. young’s face that appeared whenever something Armageddon related got mentioned. She’d handed Adam the phone without fuss.

Except instead of a demon in a Bentley she got an angel on a bus, one that definitely didn’t have a route out this far. Pepper was left scrounging up change for a very confused driver while Azirphale miracled her into a warmer coat and Adam snickered at the door. To quote the bastard who’d abandoned her, could she get a wahoo?

Now Pepper was getting fostered off on this lady.

“Terribly sorry about this,” Aziraphale was saying, puttering into Madame Tracy’s apartment and pulling her along for the ride. “Crowley went and got himself discorporated, can you imagine? Really, he never takes care of the bodies he’s given. Normally I wouldn’t pay him any mind, let the fool stew for a couple of decades, that's what I say. But given everything that’s happened I hate the thought of him down there for any considerable length of time.” Aziraphale looped the chain of his pocket-watch round and round his finger. For the first time that day Pepper decided to keep her mouth shut. “I intend to put a bit of pressure on Below with the hope that they’ll assign him a new body sooner rather than later. Perhaps even perform a summoning if necessary. If us angels are capable of a discorporated existence on this plane then it should be old hat for a demon of Crowley’s age. Oh, but of course you already know all that—”

Madame Tracy took Aziraphale’s twitching hand, giving it a pat. “He’ll be just fine. As will Pepper.” For the first time today an adult actually looked at her. “We’ll have great fun until your Dad picks you up, won’t we?”

“Eh,” said Pepper.

“You go off and give Crowley a hand. Tell him he’s more than welcome to share my body if he needs a place to stay.”

That brightened Aziraphale considerably. He gushed a couple more thanks, saying that yes, they just might take her up on that offer, before bending to sweep a hand through Pepper’s hair. She squirmed—what, did he think she was five?—but by then Aziraphale was already out the door, muttering something about occult incantations and misplaced books.

Kind of amazing. That this was her life and all.

“Well,” Madame Tracy said, surveying Pepper with the same look a butcher might give a yet ungraded cut of meat. “This is a surprising way to spend one’s Thursday.”

“You’re telling me,” and Pepper chucked her dance bag into the corner.

“Ballet?”

“Tap.”

“Can I see a bit?”

“...No.”

“Fair enough.” Madame Tracy chuckled. “I’d show you some of my burlesque, but I don’t think you’re old enough for that yet.”

Pepper was left with her mouth hanging open as Madame Tracy wandered into the kitchen.

Actually, it wasn’t that surprising now that she thought about it. Pepper cast her mind back to that day at the airbase, picturing the woman who’d drawn her attention by arguing with herself before trying to shoot her best friend. That woman had fit in perfectly with the rest of the insanity around them, flaming swords and dying whales and Adam with glowing eyes. Pepper remembered thinking, in the disconnected way you notice things when everything else has gone to shit, that her wild hair was a much better red than that War lady’s. Her dress was objectively horrible, but it suited her, somehow. Pepper didn’t even know how she could say what suited a woman she’d barely met, but out of everything she could question that day, this wasn’t something Pepper was inclined to put much energy towards. The point was Madame Tracy had looked fun. Kooky, but fun.

“What happened to you?”

This Madame Tracy, the one whose hair had been washed of that fiery color, whose shirt matched the beige walls, no more makeup or big, sparkling jewelry, she paused in the act of making tea and hunched her shoulders, silent. Pepper wasn’t stupid. She’d heard all about Madame Tracy getting together with that guy she’d arrived with. The ‘finger guy’ as Brain called him and the horrible implications of that nickname were precisely why it had stuck. He’d been all critical and blustery. Calling Madame Tracey a ‘whore.’ Pepper might have said something if they hadn’t all been preoccupied with other things.

But hell, she could say them now. Pepper looked at the laundry pile on the kitchen table, a man’s shirts stacked on top. Looked next to Madame Tracy’s equally bland top. She put two and two together and came up with something like four.

She crossed her arms, all her weight settling into one hip. Pepper wished she had gum so she could pop it. “Right. You love this asshole?”

“Pepper.”

“I’m just calling it like I see it. Do you?”

Madame Tracy’s bright, artificial, I’m-suddenly-interacting-with-a-child-and-trying-too-hard smile melted into something soft. “Yes.”

“Well, can’t account for taste. But I’m gonna tell you a story. You listening? Because I charged Wensleydale five Wonder Woman comics and a chocolate bar for this same advice. Be grateful you’re getting it for free.” Almost free anyway. She might not have gum, but there was a selection of muffins on the counter. Pepper grabbed one on top before hopping up next to it. “Once upon a time my uncle told my mom she was too old to get another tattoo. She told him to flush his head in the toilet. The end.” Mmm, poppy-seed.

Madame Tracy, meanwhile, was wringing her hands. Huh. Kinda looked like Aziraphale. “No, no. It’s not as if Mr. Shadwell has ever said I couldn’t—wait. Why were you telling Wensleydale this?”

“He wanted his ears pierced. I did it for him. It’s super easy. I mean, as long as the guy you’re doing it on doesn’t squirm that much. Wensleydale kinda has two piercings on his left ear now.”

“Oh good lord.”

“Are you sure you and Aziraphale aren’t still sharing a body?”

“Now see here, young lady.” Madame Tracy marched up with what she probably thought was an intimidating air, but after an hour of Mrs. Rogenspern’s tap instruction no beast could have scared Pepper, let alone a friend. “You seem to be fond of making snap judgments, so let's set the record straight. Mr. Shadwell and I are very happy together and part of being happy means making accommodations for the person you love. It... unsettles him to have me be so,” she gestured at the whole of herself and Pepper dutifully imagined something other than that horrible wool skirt. “Flamboyant. A few sacrifices are a part of a healthy relationship. You’ll—”

“If you say ‘understand when you’re older’ I’m filling the toe of a shoe with peanut butter. And no, you won’t know which one until you’re wearing it.”

Madame Tracy blinked.

“Besides, if a healthy relationship is all about sacrifice how come Mr. Shadwell isn’t making any? If you can put up with his stupid, misogynistic comments then he can damn well put up with your wardrobe.”

“Language,” she said, but it was an automatic response. The kind of thing adults said when they didn’t know what else to say so wahoo. Progress.

Pepper jumped down from the counter. She came up and took Madame Tracy's hand, tugging. “Listen to me for just half an hour. That’s it. You can pretend you only did it to entertain me, if it makes you feel better. Tell him the same if you want.”

Insults aside, there was a comfort between them. Pepper guessed that’s what happened when you were two of three women in a six men set. Which meant that later, when Madame Tracy went rigid over the sink and started speaking in what some might term tongues, Pepper just went on eating her third muffin. When it was over—damn but possession took time—Madame Tracy looked back up into the mirror and yellow, slit eyes stared back. Crowley blinked.

“Kid? What are you doing here? We’re babysitting for a bit. Lovely to have you back among us! Eh, thanks? Wait, are we dying your hair purple?”

“Uh huh,” Pepper said, tossing the muffin wrapper at their chest. They caught it with a fumble. “Purple’s gonna look great with your eyes. Now help me talk her into a nose piercing before my dad gets here.”

Pepper wasn’t sure who was smiling at her then. Didn’t really matter.

"Nose piercing? Nah, they're out of style nowadays. Trust me, we want one in our brow."

Point was she’d won.

[avengerscompound]

Finding Home - Chapter 12

Finding Home: A Captain America Fanfic

Masterlist Previous //

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing:  Bucky Barnes x Steve Rogers x OFC (Daisy Adams)

Word Count:  3339

Warnings:  Angst, mentions of torture, violence, major character death, mentions of sexual abuse/rape, pregnancy, smut (vaginal sex, oral sex, pregnancy sex, Bisexual MMF threesome)

Synopsis:  Daisy Adams has abilities. She can read minds. Force her thoughts onto others. As a child, she is taken by Hydra and raised as a weapon. Daisy finds another and speaks to him in his dreams. He has been taken too. He wants to return to the man he loves. Can she get them back together? Will she even want to once she realizes that she’s falling in love?

Chapter 12

Time moved on as it usually does.  I found out I was pregnant again. Steve and I had not been particularly careful because, after James’ violent introduction into the world, I’d been told I probably couldn’t have any more children.  I didn’t know how to tell Steve. He was so good with James, but he was still so reckless all the time and his thoughts were rarely about being a family unless they involved Bucky.  So I kept it to myself.  Wanda scolded me constantly for it.  She told me she was going to tell him if I didn’t soon.  I knew she wouldn’t.

I was slowly working myself up to telling him when the news broke that Rumlow had escaped from prison and was basically just going on a rampage under the name Crossbones.  I became obsessed with just that. Rumlow had taken part of me when I was in Hydra.  He couldn’t just get away with it like that.

We had finally received intelligence about a target Rumlow was planning to hit and Steve had called us together to plan an attack.  We sat around the briefing table.  Everyone else was relaxed and in that boring meeting mode, people fall into when they just want to get on with things.  I, however, was buzzing.  I sat bolt upright, fixed on Steve.

“I’d like to take Sam, Natasha, Vision, and Wanda.  It should be a relatively straightforward extraction.”  Steve said.  “Any objections.”

“I want to go,”  I said.

“You know that’s not practical,”  Steve interjected.  “Until James is able to be left with other people …”

“So what am I here for?  Why even bring me into these briefings?  He’s one.  He can be left with other people.”  I yelled.  I needed to go on this mission.  I needed to get back at Rumlow for what he did to me.

“Perhaps she has a point, Captain Rogers?  It may be the perfect opportunity for Miss Adams to test her abilities in the field.  I could always stay here with the child.  He responds to me.”  Vision suggested.

“You are a fighter, she is not,”  Steve said.  “The team stands as is. We leave in an hour.  Suit up.”  

He got up and headed for the door.  I chased after him.

“You have to stop trying to protect me from this world we’re part of,” I said jogging along behind him to keep up with him.

“I’m quite confident that’s not true,”  Steve said.

“Am I an Avenger or not?”  I asked.

“Not.”

I grabbed his arm.  He stopped and turned to face me.  “Then why am I here?”

He cupped my jaw with his hand, stroking his thumb along my cheek. “Because I love you, and it’s the safest place for you to be.”

“I’m not helpless,”  I said.

“But our son is.”  

I pulled away from him.  Fucking Steve, throwing out the ‘our son’ to try and manipulate me into staying.  “So you stay with him and I’ll go.”

His hand went to my back and he ran it down my spine.  “I don’t understand why this is such a big deal to you.”

I turned and opened my mouth to tell him, but I couldn’t do it.  I didn’t want him to know about my history with Rumlow.  How Rumlow had started having sex with me while I was still too young and ill-informed to know better.  I didn’t want him to look at me differently.  “I can make you change your mind you know?”

“Daisy.” He scolded.  “I know you won’t do that.”

“Then let me come.”  I was whining like a petulant child and I hated myself for it.

“Why do you want this so badly?  You’ve never cared about going on a mission before.”

I started walking away from him.  This wasn’t going to end well.

“Daisy.” He called and this time he jogged to keep up with me.  “Convince me.”

I kept walking in the direction of our quarters.  “Back in Hydra, I knew him.  He did things to me.”

Steve caught my arm and I tried to shake him off.  He didn’t let me and I spun around to face him.  “What kind of things?”

“Please don’t make me say it,”  I said looking at my feet.

“Daisy.” He said my name softly.  Like it was a plea.  As if by saying it, I would suddenly not have had to live through the things I did.  Or that I’d tell him everything and he’d magically be able to fix it.

I tried to pull my arm away from him again but he held me in place and just stared at me.  “Let me go!  I need to go check on James.”

“No, you don’t.  I know you’re always connected to him.  So talk to me.”

“I was a child.”  I cried.  “I was a kid, Steve.  Please, I need to come.  I can’t let him get away with what he did to me.”

Steve’s face turned dark.  “Tell Vision I’m switching you out.”

I stood on the rooftops of Lagos with Sam.  I was scanning the crowd for anyone who may have seen Rumlow and not known about it.  There were a few, but they were old memories.  A good sign that he’d been here to stake things out but not helpful for right now.

Steve’s voice came through the comms.  He was using this mission as a teaching tool.  “Alright what do you see?”  He wanted to see how much Wanda had learned.  He wanted me to learn from her.

“Standard beat cops.  Small station.  Quiet street.  It’s a good target.” Wanda replied.

“There’s an ATM on the South corner which means?”  Steve asked.

“Cameras,” Wanda answered.

“Both cross streets are one way?”

“So compromised escape routes.”

“Means our guy doesn’t care about being seen.  He’s not afraid to make a mess on the way out.”   Steve paused for a second.  “Daisy?”

“No one has seen him today but he’s definitely been here,”  I answered.

“You see that range rover halfway up the block?”  Steve asked.

“Yeah, the red one?  It’s cute.”  Wanda replied.  She sounded cocky.  She knew how powerful she was.  She thought she was invincible.  

“It’s also bulletproof,”  Natasha added.  “Which means private security.  Which means more guns.  Which means more headaches for somebody.  Probably us.”

“You guys know I can move things with my mind right?”  Wanda teased.

“Looking over your shoulder needs to become second nature.”  Nat scolded.

“Anyone ever tell you, you’re a little paranoid?”  Sam teased.

“Not to my face.  Why?  Did you hear something?”  Nat returned.

“Eyes on target folks,”  Steve said sternly.  I smiled at him entering dad mode on us.  “This is the best lead we’ve had on Rumlow in six months, and I don’t want to lose him.”

Sam laughed, peering over the roof.  “If he sees us coming that won’t be a problem.  He kinda hates us.”

“Sam, Daisy, see that garbage truck?  Tag it.”  Steve said.

Sam let his robotic bird out to scan the truck while I focused on the driver.  The driver didn’t speak English, so shuffling through his thoughts took a little effort.  I had to sort pictures together and work out what they meant exactly.  

“He’s heading to the Center for Infectious Disease,”  I said.

“Yeah, that trucks loaded for max weight,”  Sam added.  “And the driver’s armed.”

“It’s a battering ram.” Natasha yelped.

“Go now!”  Steve ordered.

Everyone jumped into action.  This was the bit I was a little useless for.  I abseiled off the side of the building as Sam flew off in the direction of Steve.  

I met with Natasha and was sat on her motorcycle as we waited for orders.

Steve’s voice came over comms.  “Body armor, AR-15s.  I make seven hostiles.”

Sam then started counting them down.

After a little while, we saw a huge cloud of gas billowing up into the sky, glittering with the telltale sign of Wanda’s magic.  

After a few more beats Steve’s voice crackled through comms. “Rumlow has a biological weapon.”

“I’m on it,”  Nat said bursting into action.

As we headed in through the gates of the facility I jumped clear of the bike.  I hit the ground awkwardly.  Damn it.  I needed to listen to Steve more.  I clambered to my feet, as a couple of Rumlow’s men came at me.  I was dazed from the fall, but I managed to shut down their minds.  They fell to the ground unconscious.  I staggered towards the truck where Natasha was much more effectively taking out Rumlow’s men.

I saw Rumlow throw her into a truck and I went to touch his mind to stop him.  Take him out.  The familiarity of it.  The depth of hate. The remainder of my old life.  It froze me.  I just stood.  Unable to act.  Completely repulsed.  

Rumlow climbed into a truck and as it drove away he started firing on Steve. I saw Steve fall from the window and I ran to him.

“Sam. He’s in an AMV heading north.”  He said through comms.  “What just happened with you?  Why didn’t you take him out?”  He said taking my arm and running in the direction of Nat.

“I froze.  I’m sorry.”

“I knew this was a mistake.”

Shit. Fucking shit.

He pushed me towards Nat and we both climbed onto the bike again and she sped off in the direction of Rumlow and his men.  

“I’ve got four and they’re splitting up,”  Sam said.

Nat pulled the bike into a crowded market.  “I’ve got the two on the left.”  She said as she dismounted.

I looked around.  There were so many people here.  All of them in danger.  This was how I could fix this.  I closed my eyes and sent my mind out to all of them.  I touched each one, one at a time and when I felt like everyone in the square who were just there to shop, or socialize, or run their business, was connected to me I took hold. I had become a hive mind.  Pushing this group of people out of the square, as far away as possible.  The moved slowly like zombies, but they moved.   I moved them.  

There were explosions and the fight was sending people flying through structures.  I didn’t pay any attention to that.  That was all happening far away.   I just moved the people out.  

There was a huge explosion.  It broke my connection with everyone.  I looked around.  The square was empty except for a few unconscious people, Steve and Wanda.  The building in front of them had a hole in the side and was burning.  I could feel the pain from injured people inside.  Wanda looked devastated.  I staggered towards them.  My face felt wet.  I looked down at the ground, blood ran from my face and pooled on the ground.  I left a trail of it as I walked.  

“What happened?”  I asked.

Steve turned to me.  His face went white.  Everything went black.

I woke on the Quinn Jet feeling light-headed.  I had my head resting on Steve’s lap and he held a cold compress on my head.  Wanda was crying.  I went to talk to her using my mind but it was like I’d stepped in front of speakers with an active microphone.  I clutched my head at the loud shriek that filled it.  Steve looked down at me.

“Taking you was a mistake.”  He said.

I looked away from him.  

He turned my head back to face him.  “You’re going to have a brain scan when we get back.  These nosebleeds are getting worse.”  

“Stop talking to me like that,”  I whispered.

“You wanted to be on the team.  On the team, I’m your commanding officer. This is how commanding officers talk to their subordinates.”

I sat up and curled my legs to my chest.  “I saved those people.”

“You nearly got me killed and yourself.”  He snapped at me.  

“Steve, that’s enough,”  Nat interjected.

“Nat, she …”

“She did fine.  Nothing that happened today was anyone’s fault except Rumlow’s.  Least of all Daisy’s.  She cleared the plaza of everyone. I get you are scared about something happening to her.  Treating her like this isn’t helping anyone.”

When the jet had landed, I jumped up and dashed into the compound.  Vision had come to meet us holding James’ hand.  He looked so comical wearing a v-neck sweater with Jamie’s hand clasped in his.  In normal circumstances, I would have stopped and taken time to really soak it in.  I just took James offering Vision a quiet thank you and hurried to the room I shared with Steve.

I collapsed on the bed.  James sat next to me looking at me.  I felt his concern for me and tears started leaking from my eyes.  James put his hands over my face and I suddenly felt really calm.  

“Did you just do that?”  I asked pushing his hands away from me.

He looked at me and I knew that he had.  

The door opened and Steve entered.  James stood and held his arms up to Steve pushing the desire to be picked up.  Steve came and lifted him.

“I’m sorry, Daisy.  I got scared when you collapsed.  You need to stop pushing your abilities like that.  I think they’re hurting you.”

“You were right though.  I shouldn’t have gone.”  

I felt the bed shift as he sat down next to me.  He rested his hand on my ass.  “You saved a lot of people.  I’m glad you did.”  I rolled over to face him and he ran his fingers down my cheek. “You’re still covered in blood.  You should take a shower.”  

“You can talk.”  

“You have one first and I’ll watch Jamie,”  Steve suggested.

“What about Vision watches Jamie and we have one together?”

I was under the water rinsing the caked off blood from my face when Steve entered the bathroom.  I turned to him and watched him undress. He had bruises up the left side of his ribs and the right side of his abs.  There was a large one on his back over his left shoulder that stretched down and across his spine.

When he stepped into the water I trailed my fingers over his ribs.  “You worry so much about me getting hurt and look at this,”  I said.

His hands went to my face.  “Those will all heal.”

“You’re pretty reckless, Steve,”  I said trailing my fingers down his chest.  “I know you think you have nothing to live for.  Maybe you should look a little harder.”

He looked at me sadly for a moment.   I wanted to read him.  See what he was thinking.  I’d promised I’d stop doing that.  So I let him keep his privacy.  I guess I was learning to people after all.  I nearly told him about being pregnant too.  The words were on the tip of my tongue.  His reason to live.  I couldn’t do it though.  Not after what had just happened.  We’d just end up fighting.

He pulled me up into a kiss and I wrapped my arms around his neck.  He moved his hands to my back and then slid them down to my ass.  His fingers gripped my flesh briefly before he turned me and guided me towards the wall.  He stood me under the showerhead, placing my hands on the shower wall above my head.  He shifted my legs apart and engulfed me from behind.  His hands roamed my body, traveling from my throat to my breasts, down my back, and between my legs.  He stroked his fingers up and down my folds, pressing down on my clit before releasing and swiping back down again.  

I felt his lips against my back followed by his tongue as he lapped stripes up my spine, collecting the water that rolled down my skin. His teeth grazed over the back of my neck and I let out a soft moan.

I let my hands fall from the wall and pressed myself up against him. His erection pushed against my ass and he wrapped his arms around me. One hand gripping my breast the other he returned to my cunt.  He pushed two fingers deep inside of me, curling them and pressing against my internal walls.  He rolled his thumb against my clit and pinched my nipple.  

I moaned loudly and ground into his hand as he sucked on my earlobe. Heat pooled in me, making my skin prickle.  My muscles clenched and I reached behind me and began stroking his cock, pressing it against my ass and running my hand up and down.

He turned me again and lifted me like I weighed nothing.  He pressed me against the wall and entered me. I gasped and wrapped myself around him, pulling him tightly against me.  

“I love you, Steve.  I love when you’re inside of me.”  I purred, nuzzling against his neck.  

He grabbed my hair and pulled my head back.  I opened my mouth letting the water from the shower pool and spillover my lips.  He bit my throat as he thrust into me.  It sent jolts through me.  My orgasm crested.  I dug my nails into Steve’s back, clinging on for dear life.  He picked up the force of his thrusts and I came.  My whole body clenching around him.  

“Fuck! Steve!”  I cried out.  

He grunted and thrust hard into me.  I felt him spill inside of me, and his whole body seemed to suddenly relax.  His mouth met mine again and we kissed slowly as he let me down.  

“I love you too, Daisy.  I’ll try and be less reckless.  You’re right. I still feel so constantly on the outside.”  He said.   It made my heartbreak for him.

“I know.  I feel the same way.  It’s like I’ve never had anyone.  I kind of had Bucky, but not really.  Now I have Jamie.”  I took his hand and kissed it stepping out of the shower.  He switched off the water and followed me.

“You have me too,”  Steve said.  It was almost like a question.  Like he needed the validation.  

I wrapped a towel around myself and looked up at him. “I sometimes feel like I have you but also … I’m not good enough for you.  You are so good.  I feel like the only thing I have in common with you is Bucky.  That that’s all you see in me.”  I shook my head.

Steve pulled me against his chest and I melted into him.  “I think originally maybe that’s true.  You were pregnant with Jamie.  I just saw you like this link to him.  It’s more than that though.  I hope you know that.  I do love you.  As for being too good for you.  People always look at me as this perfect man, who has only pure thoughts and virtuous actions.  You’ve seen in my head.  You know that’s not true.”

“You love him still.  If he came back. I’m still the second choice.”  

He didn’t answer for what felt like forever.  I nearly scanned him.  It took all my willpower not to.  All I would have to do is relax and stop blocking him and I’d know every thought he had.  Instead, I used the time to think.  What would I do if Bucky came back?  All this time I had been so set on the idea that his being here would make it better.  That we could somehow be a family together because of what I’d seen in Steve’s mind.  I’d forgotten that what people think and what they do aren’t always the same thing.

“Do you love Bucky?”  Steve asked, finally breaking the silence.  His hand went to my hair, tangling his fingers in it.

“Yes. Not the way you do though.  But I do.  He’s the only family I’d ever known.  Until now.”

“Maybe … when Bucky comes back he’ll choose both of us.”

// NEXT

[thisguyatthemovies]

D-i-v-o-r-c-e

Title: “Marriage Story”

Release date: Netflix, Nov. 6, 2019

Starring: Scarlett Johansson, Adam Driver, Laura Dern, Alan Alda, Ray Liotta, Julie Hagerty, Merritt Wever, Azhy Robertson, Wallace Shawn, Martha Kelly, Mark O’Brien, Brooke Bloom

Directed by: Noah Baumbach

Run time: 2 hours, 16 minutes

Rated: R

What it’s about: An avant-garde theater director and his actress wife divorce and battle over custody of their young son.

How I saw it: Meet the Barbers. Charlie (Adam Driver) is a self-made, self-absorbed, critically acclaimed avant-garde theater director who fit right in when he moved from Indiana to New York. Nicole (Scarlett Johansson) is an actress from a Hollywood family who put her promising career on hold to follow her husband to the East Coast and star in his plays. He likes that she talks to strangers for too long, handles family issues with ease, is fully engaged when playing with their young son, frequently brews cups of tea she never intends to drink and doesn’t know how to close a cabinet door. She likes that he doesn’t let criticism bother him, is competitive, is energy conscious, attacks food as if someone is trying to take it and is a good father to their son. They complement each other well and tolerate each’s idiosyncrasies. They love each other.

And they are getting a divorce.

Director-writer Noah Baumbach’s painful, touching, smart, insightful character- and dialogue-driven drama “Marriage Story” could have been called “Divorce Story,” because that’s what it’s about. It follows Charlie and Nicole Barber through a divorce and custody battle process that is uglier and more contentious than they could have imagined. It takes a toll on them emotionally, physically and financially. They are aware there will be no real winner, that the best they can hope for is some sense of closure and the opportunity to move on while their lives still are linked by their son.

Charlie and Nicole will take wildly different approaches to the legal proceedings. Nowhere is that more apparent than when they hire (or try to hire) lawyers in vividly contrasting scenes that Baumbach uses beautifully to set up a refreshingly even-handed look at divorce. Baumbach doesn’t ask the viewer to pick sides; neither Charlie nor Nicole is all victim or all villain.

Nicole, who angrily ends an attempt at mediation, takes the divorce more seriously. When she returns to Los Angeles and takes their son Henry (Azhy Robertson) with her, she hires high-priced attorney Nora Fanshaw (Laura Dern). When the two meet at Fanshaw’s office, they sit close together on a plush sofa and sip tea and eat gourmet cookies. When Nicole tells the story of how she and Charlie met (a story that grows sadder as it devolves into one about the Barbers’ marital issues), Fanshaw sits quietly and listens, only occasionally reassuring Nicole. Contrast that with when Charlie, who was assuming the couple could work out their issues without lawyers, attempts to hire Jay Marotta (Ray Liotta). Marotta and his partner do almost all the talking, and most of it is about money and the need to crush Nicole and her lawyer. Marotta speaks from behind a huge desk with his credentials hanging on the wall behind it. When Marotta tells Charlie how much his services cost, Charlie balks, returns to New York and pretends nothing is going to happen.

When his hand is forced, Charlie hires an older, more friendly and less expensive attorney, Bert Spitz (Alan Alda). But Spitz is no match for Fanshaw, and he seems too willing to concede. When the Barbers’ case goes to court, Charlie shows up with Marotta, and the gloves are off. He and Fanshaw go toe to toe, and all the Barbers’ weaknesses are exposed as they sadly listen to the arguments. Charlie had an affair; Nicole found out about it by hacking Charlie’s email. Nicole occasionally drinks too much around their son; Charlie isn’t willing to give Nicole any credit for his career success nor share a prestigious grant he has received. Even something as innocuous as a child booster seat that wasn’t installed properly in a rental car is fair game.

The Barbers eventually get their divorce, but not without many tears and harsh words. Divorce has turned them into something they are not, or at least something they did not know they were. At no point does Baumbach hint at a reconciliation, so the real tension is whose lawyer can get the better deal. The Barbers just seem to be along for the rocky ride.

Driver, Johansson and Dern are sensational. Johansson’s Nicole always seems to be on the verge of tears, which she holds back until alone. Just when it seems she is being cold and ruthless, she makes some small gesture that shows she has at least some of Charlie’s best interests and all of Henry’s best interests still at heart. Driver is fascinating to watch as he goes from driven to confused to exhausted to explosive to resigned to his fate, sad and then hopeful. Dern is great as Fanshaw. She is a woman who has it all (a highly successful lawyer who also insists on dropping off and picking up her kids from school) and is compassionate about helping women but also can be vicious for her clients. When she tells Nicole that she got her a 55-45 custody split (Nicole wanted it to be 50-50), Fanshaw says she did it just so Charlie’s side couldn’t say they won.

Driver, Johansson and Dern all get chances to stretch out in a movie that seems at times to move in real time. Driver runs through nearly every emotion when he and Nicole decide to talk away from their lawyers. The conversation quickly escalates, and a screaming, threatening Charlie lets out all that has been building up before sobbing and falling to Nicole’s knees. Driver also is mesmerizing when he, post-settlement, vents to his theater company in a bar and then gets up and sings Stephen Sondheim’s “Being Alive,” slightly off-key notes and all. For Johansson, it is the scene in which she recalls the Barbers’ love story; she is comfortable in telling it (she moves freely around Fanshaw’s office as she talks) that it seems we are listening to someone we have known and liked for years. For Dern, it is a speech in which she reminds Nicole how difficult women have it not only in marriage and divorce but in the world in general, just in case Nicole is entertaining thoughts of conceding to the men.

“Marriage Story” is not all gloom and doom. Baumbach has woven in bits of humor (a scene in which Charlie and Henry are observed by a stone-faced case worker provides the funniest moments), though the drama far outweighs the laughs. Marriage and divorce are serious stuff, and “Marriage Story” takes them seriously, but with a sense of humanity and compassion. It is a brilliantly written, directed and performed film that demands to be viewed. It would be a deserving Best Picture Oscar winner.  

My score: 96 out of 100

Should you see it? Yes, it’s a mature, engaging and heartbreaking study of marriage and divorce that features brilliant performances across the board.

[thezachrogers]

The Best and Worst Films of 2019.

We are THREE days away from the Academy Awards and I know this is way overdue, but I made the deadline and have brought the films to watch and avoid that came out last year. We will be counting down from the films that were best all the way down to the worst.

2019 was the best year for film in a long time and I will go down saying I LOVED my top 26, I liked 27-65 and I only disliked/hated four films I saw last year. Overall an excellent year of endings to series, a great year for original films, and we are in for one of the most competitive Academy Awards yet. So here it is, counting down from best to worst, the 69 films I saw in 2019:

Avengers: Endgame - NOW AVAILABLE ON DISNEY+ nominated for 1 Oscar, one of the best films I have ever seen in my life and my current all time favorite comic book film. 

Ford v Ferrari - nominated for 4 Oscars including Best Picture. Wow, wow, wow; what a movie, see this movie ASAP. Hands down the BEST performance of Matt Damon’s career, a definite snub for Best Actor, directed by 2017′s Logan’s James Mangold.

Jojo Rabbit - nominated for 6 Oscars including Best Picture, Best Director, and Best Supporting Actress, this film gives you all the feels. Border lining on the edge of offensive, this story is about a little boy growing up in the Nazi Regime learning that everything he loves about Nazi Germany and what he believes about Jews just doesn’t add up. 

Marriage Story NETFLIX ORIGINAL - nominated for 6 Oscars including Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, Best Actress, and Best Supporting Actress, this cast brings it in this tragic story of marriage and divorce. I’m rooting for my boy Kylo Ren Sunday Night even though I know Joaquin Phoenix is going to win as the Clown Prince of Crime.

Bombshell - nominated for 3 Oscars including Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress (GO MARGOT ROBBIE), this is based on the true story of Roger Ailes’s firing at Fox News due to Gretchen Carlson’s accusations. Robbie gives the performance of her career and Charlize Theron plays a very convincing Megyn Kelly starting the “Me Too” movement.

The Two Popes - NETFLIX ORIGINAL nominated for 3 Oscars including Best Actor and Best Supporting Actor. This true story and Netflix original is about Anthony Hopkins portrays Pope Benedict leaving the position and asks the now Pope Francis (Jonathan Pryce) to fill his shoes.

Once Upon a Time...in Hollywood - Nominated for 10 Oscars including Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, Best Supporting Actor (guaranteed win), and Best Original Screenplay, Quentin Tarantino’s masterpiece is LOOSELY based on 60s Hollywood during the time of the Manson Family murders.

The Irishman - NETFLIX ORIGINAL Nominated for 10 Oscars including Best Picture, Best Director, and Two Best Supporting Actor Nominees, Scorsese brought it in this four hour Netflix Orginal.

1917 - Nominated for 10 Oscars including guaranteed Best Picture and guaranteed Best Director, 1917 takes place in real time and is shown in two takes. Brilliant cinematography and direction, this is one to see in theaters.

A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood - Oscar Nominated for Best Supporting Actor, this movie brought me to tears. I grew up with Mr. Rogers and Tom Hanks absolutely kills it in this role.

The King NETFLIX ORIGINAL

Parasite - Nominated for 6 Oscars including Best Picture and Best Director. This Korean Film has the craziest plot I have ever seen in a movie. See it. You will be blown away.

Star Wars Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker - Nominated for 3 Oscars including Best Score this was quite the underwhelming finale compared to Endgame, I mean a 42 year buildup and it just did not hit home like it should have. Now they ended the big three’s (Luke, Han, and Leia) arcs very well and FREAKING KYLO REN has become my all-time favorite character. We all need to thank Adam Driver for carrying this trilogy on his back as Rey, Finn, and Poe’s arcs where just meh. I do believe JJ did everything he could do with what he was given with The Last Jedi. All the fan service was amazing and very appreciated like bringing back Wedge, Lando, Han, Young Luke, Young Leia, Red 5, and Palpatine back for last ride. I will be in line at Target at 7am to pick up their exclusive packaged Ultra 4K Bluray and yes, I’ve already started the paperwork on financing the Best Buy exclusive complete Skywalker saga (I’m not joking).

El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie NETFLIX ORIGINAL

Honey Boy PRIME ORIGINAL - 2019 was the comeback of Shia LaBeouf’s career. This movie was written by him and loosely based on his life. LaBeouf plays his father and brings the best performance of his career.

The Report PRIME ORIGINAL 

Spider-Man: Far From Home

They Shall Not Grow Old NOW AVAILABLE ON HBO

Uncut Gems - Snubbed by the Golden Globes and the Academy Awards, the Safdie brothers deliver a masterpiece and the performance of Adam Sandler’s career.

Togo - DISNEY+ ORIGINAL

Frozen II - Nominated for Best Original Song, if it doesn’t win, lets riot.

Knives Out - Nominated for Best Original Screenplay, this Rian Johnson directed film was snubbed from every other category due to everyone remaining pissed off about The Last Jedi.

Toy Story 4 - NOW AVAILABLE ON DISNEY+ Nominated for Best Animated Film and Best Original Song, another underwhelming finale (that no one asked for, because we already got it with Toy Story 3), I still loved this movie and it is well deserved for best animated film but not more deserving than the snubbed Frozen sequel.

Little Women - Nominated for 6 Oscars including Best Picture, Best Actress, and Best Supporting Actress, Florence Pugh and the rest of the cast delivered in this reboot and this was a film I thoroughly enjoyed at home.

Richard Jewell - Nominated for Best Supporting Actress

The Peanut Butter Falcon

The Farewell

Harriet - Nominated for 2 Oscars including Best Actress

Klaus - NETFLIX ORIGINAL Nominated for Best Animated Film

Dolemite Is My Name - NETFLIX ORIGINAL Eddie Murphy’s triumphant comeback delivers. Definite snub, this is not the last we will see of Eddie in the coming months with Coming 2 America and Eddie’s much anticipated standup special

Missing Link - NOW AVAILABLE ON HULU Nominated for Best Animated Film

Joker - Leading the Oscars with 11 Nominations including Best Picture, Best Actor (guaranteed win), Best Director, Best Cinematography (Guaranteed win), Best Score (guaranteed win); Joaquin Phoenix delivers a career-defining performance (that still does not touch Heath Ledger’s) in a quite underwhelming plot with beautiful cinematography and a masterful score, this movie is turning the tides for the comic-book film genre.

Late Night PRIME ORIGINAL

John Wick Chapter 3: Parabellum NOW AVAILABLE ON HBO

Shazam! NOW AVAILABLE ON DC UNIVERSE

Fighting With My Family NOW AVAILABLE ON HULU

Long Shot NOW AVAILABLE ON HULU

Doctor Sleep

Hustlers

Fyre: The Greatest Party That Never Happened NETFLIX ORIGINAL

The Highwaymen NETFLIX ORIGINAL

The Laundromat NETFLIX ORIGINAL

The Aeronauts PRIME ORIGINAL 

Always Be My Maybe NETFLIX ORIGINAL

Maleficent: Mistress of Evil - Nominated for Best Hair and Makeup

Chasing Happiness PRIME ORIGINAL

Good Boys

Fast and Furious Presents: Hobbs and Shaw

Aladdin NOW AVAILABLE ON DISNEY+

Captain Marvel NOW AVAILABLE ON DISNEY+

The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part NOW AVAILABLE ON HBO AND HULU

Isn’t It Romantic NOW AVAILABLE ON HULU

Detective Pikachu NOW AVAILABLE ON HBO AND HULU

Lady and the Tramp DISNEY+ ORIGINAL

MIB: International NOW AVAILABE ON HULU

6 Underground NETFLIX ORIGINAL

Noelle DISNEY+ ORIGINAL

Ad Astra - Nominated for Best Sound

The Lion King - NOW AVAILABLE ON DISNEY+ Nominated for Best Special Effects

It Chapter Two

Ready or Not

The Lighthouse - Nominated for Best Cinematography

Dumbo NOW AVAILABLE ON DISNEY+

Little NOW AVAILABLE ON HULU

Happy Death Day 2U NOW AVAILABLE ON HULU

Triple Frontier NETFLIX ORIGINAL

Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile - NETFLIX ORIGINAL Another gem from Netflix, Zac Efron gives the acting performance of his career as Ted Bundy.

Glass NOW AVAILABLE ON HULU - The final film in the Unbreakable trilogy that no one asked for...yet we didn’t know we wanted. This film was highly anticipated for a sad (yes, tears) ending to same great characters. Glass does not hold a candle to Unbreakable, nor Glass, but it is still loads of fun.

Dark Phoenix - They say they save the best for last...well it X-Men’s case, they don’t. This film was a polished turd with great acting from McAvoy and Sophie Turner. 

Murder Mystery - NETFLIX ORIGINAL Oh look, another movie where Adam Sandler went on vacation with his buddies and said “lets get Netflix to pay for a Eurotrip by making a movie,” and then you get Netflix’s Murder Mystery. Looks like they will be paying for another vacation with 2021′s Murder Mystery 2. No, I am not kidding.

Wine Country NETFLIX ORIGINAL- This film had literally all the SNL power women except for Kristen Wiig...I wonder why? JK, horrible...no wonder it went straight to Netflix

Us NOW AVAILABLE ON HULU - The worst and most overrated movie of the year. I was so excited, I went to the theater opening night. What a disappointing follow up to Get Out and a complete waste of time. Do not watch this movie.

[facepalming-since-chernobyl]

Can we talk about how Lena was never trully good and piss off my stalkers?

Let’s start with her early life, shit taken from her fabulous Arrowverse Wikia page, written by a hormonal, brainwashed kid with Lena’s panties in a skull:

Aside of the dumb as fuck plot to kill her “Irish” Mother So CW Can Stop Wasting Money On Lena’s Actress Accent Coach, this was said by Lena, Age 20 Something. Where is the problem? Lena,  Age 20 Something is old enough, and so called genius, to understand that her 4 year old ass couldn’t do a shit in that situation (well, she could drown along wiith her mother *stares longingly at the wasted potential*). So, Lena The Age 20 Something tells this traumatasing for everyone’s ears story to make herself look sympathetic. Or she is super fucking dumb, but the writers try to tell us she is a so called genius. Ouch.

Planning a shit for months that in the end RUINS someone’s life and “regrets” it (*Len a sniffs, wipping her tears with a silky handkerchief that is worth 1500$*) is well, a perfect example of a future sociopath. Also, notice how she still remembers how Lilian was proud of her. Aka destroying someone’s life maybe was a bad thing to do, but her adoptive mother was PROUD of her. This is an example of what is the most important thing for Lena - her EGO and constant praise of her HORRIBLE adoptive mother.

You won’t find it on wikia page (wonder why *sarcasm*) that Lena threw a microscope at Jack - her boyfriend, what is hey!, a violent, abusive, toxic behavior!

Aka Lena The Snowflake Queen has NEVER stood behind a man... only behind Lex’s back... as long as he was in the picture...and she became the CEO of LuthorCorp only after... he was out of the picture... because....that’s the easiest shit to do. And she ceased contact with Lilian... because she GOT WHAT SHE WANTED. Earlier she didn’t mind Lilian and Lex’ shady shit and did nothing to stop that, huh? Wonder why. This is called not standing behind men’s back. Brothers are not men, I guess?

Insted of kicking the young mother to her home, to spend time with her daughter, Lena The Slave Driver (too soon? :) and The White Face Of Aggressive Capitalism gives her a blessing. And this article suggests that everything what Sam achived was all to Lena, not her own abilities. Feminism, yay!

Because who cares about people’s privacy when they are not humans but some alien scum, right? You can’t ask for people’s believes or sexuality but can easily check your neighbour origin! Yay! Who cares that alienphobes would buy it for horrible reasons? Because moneeeey, moneeeeey, moneeeeey! 

Btw, remember how Lena was pissed off at Rhea, because she was ALIEN? It was not because the lie, it was because dear Rhea was alien, so hello ALIENPHOBIC Lena :D Also, Lena ignored Rhea lied to her and just followed The Daxamite Queen like a lost puppy only because Rhea praised her ass. Lena was easily manipulated, because oh her mommy and ego issues xD Cheer for the genius!

Btw, remember how big damage the Phorians did to National City BECAUSE of Lena’s exeperiments with the portal? And again, she didn’t face any consequecens. 

Remember how  because of this portal she can stop starvation blah blah blah? Well, nah, it’s all about her ego. And after Daxamite invasion, what she has done about that starvation? NADA :’) She proved her portal works, who cares about the rest.

What happens next? A hostile Daxamite army invades USA THANKS TO LENA and... nothing happens. How many people died? How many buildings were destroyed? Did Snowflake Lena meet any consequences? Did they accuse her of being a TRAITOR? She is not a traitor, her brainwashed minions say. Yeah? Think about Snowden and Assange. And now you can laugh.

Then she spreads lead into atmosphere and yep, nothing happens. Weirdly, no other country is pissed off that some American bitch spread fucking lead all over whole fucking world. Who cares, American capitalism! *Afghanistan, Iraq, South American countries, Vietnam, South Korea stare into the void*

Lena buys CatCo ONLY to keep her name clean and - Money, money money!

Plus, Lena reveals she didn’t talk with Kara for months (friendship goals! pure heart! friendship over work!).

Few things here:

1)during it, Edge’s bodyguard was killed, what means that Lena getting what she wants is more important than random people lives

2)she did that on a gala, full of innocent, not aware of the danger people. She purposely put them in the danger

3)getting that record of Edge’s confession was absolutely illegal and any judge would fucking die hearing how she got it

4)she corrupted Kara to do this shit

5)cried about how ONLY her friends keep her from crossing a line - bitch, you already crossed that and your friends should take your ass to a psychologist, lol

6) did i mention that Edge’s BODYGUARD WAS KILLED?

(And now a short break for a laugh:

My poor Lena’s phone! What have you done to piss Sam so much? :((((( )

Also hey, Lena is a gun lover. 

During this time, Lena was experimenting on Sam. Alone. Not telling anyone. Because you know, EGO issues. She told DEO only when her ass was satrting to burn.

We are glad that Lena’s stans are aware she constantly LIE and loves EXCUSES of her shitty actions. KUDOS, guys!

Also yeaaaah, I reluctantly intend to tell my father I destroyed his fave  set of stamps. Someday. But after 10 years he is still not aware so maybe, not today, yeah.

Also, Lena plays the “innocent victim” when she reveals she produces Kryptonite. That can be used only to kill Kryptonians, but she doesn’t see why Supergirl is so pissed off. It’s not like it’s some 100% deadly weapon for Kara Zor El and her cousin. Calm down your tits, Supergirl, ok? Every day Lena can choke to death eating fucking avocado and she doesn’t throw tantrums about it!

And then Lena basically used Harun-El for her own experiments. Did she tell Alura she stole some of it? Nah. Did she inform anyone about her experiments? Naah. Why when she can play a god?

Remmeber Ben Lockwood? That horribly written bad guy? Who turned evil because Lena The Capitalistic Bitch Who Swims In Money didn’t help his father’s bancrupting factory? Becasue:

When you think about, if Lena wouldn’t have been a white typical American aggressive capitalistic bitch focused on making money and doing illegal experiments, there hadn’t been Agent Liberty. I think it’s hilarious. Lena wants to “help” the world *cough* by polluting it? *cough*  by some fucking useless portals, while all she needs to do is helping people and saving their buisness :D

Then we have some sweet talk including Lena and her so called friends, about powering up humans. And we clearly see that Lena wants to play a god, because of her EGO. Who decides who is good enough to be powered up? Lena. Who holds the power to make humans superpowered? Lena. Who doesn’t say a shit about these experiments and doing it in secret? Lena. 

And here comes our poor young Adam. Adam, who is depressed because of his brother’s death and driven by guilt. And Lena, for some fucking reason, choses him. UHM? And then, even if she KNOWS this experiment is deadly (no SANE scientist allows human trials when the possibility of death is higher than 1% - (you have animal trials for it for fuck’s sake), that is a FACT, in Lena’s case it was about 40%? or even more). But he filled the aplication! Yeah, and this makes it legal, LOL. But Lena wanted to stop it and he FORCED her to keep doing! Yeaaaaaah, depressed, driven by guilt kid forced poor innocent Lena to kill him. Holy crap! Lena! You poor baby!!!!

No shit guys, LENA IS MURDERER. And she doesn’t tell anyone, becasuse she knows it was illegal.

But! But! But! GOVERMENT knows! She works for them!!! Yeah, she works for alienphobic goverment and Ben Lockwood, what can go wrong?! :DDDD

And then, she basically saved a mass murderer and helped him escape.

How the FUCK her ass is not rotting in jail is a mystery, but I guess when you are a white loaded American capitalist you can do whatever shit you want and won’t meet consequecnes of your actions. 

And now cheer for Lena The Snowflake Queen Luthor stans who love her and don’t see a one single thing in her doings - it’s good to be murderer’s apologist, huh? :D

(all caps taken from Lena’s wikia page -> x)

I want to dedicate this post to my stalkers aka KramReceipt crowd from twitter - please, be more butthurt in the future, I have more ideas to expose your Snowflake Queen ;*

Also