#not even just sanctuary / kingdom hearts related just. the things I liked back in school there was maybe 3 people who got it -

[aequitaes]

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[starryevermore]

icymi: colby’s tattoos and meanings (and some bonus stuff)

In case you missed the Stereo show and just want a run down or couldn’t download the app, here’s the breakdown: 

Swallow: This bird is known to find always its way back to its nest if it ever leaves. Was going to a simple bird, but was convinced to a swallow by the tattoo artist. Least confident about this tattoo because he realized afterwards that Shawn Mendes had a swallow on his right hand. One of his favorite tattoos. “I love my little birdie, man.”

Crown: Second tattoo he got. Just Kingdom Hearts, a necklace that Sora wears. He explained a lot about the game, but he spoke too fast for me to type lmao. Overall, he related to fighting the light and the darkness like in the game. The game inspired him to think differently. 

Dead Sunflower: Sunflower is the Kansas flower, it’s “a wilted part of [his] past”. Got a matching tattoo with Nate. Was supposed to get it together after Hawaii. Colby got it a week afterwards, but Nate didn’t do it until the Oregon trip. Sam said something about it being symbolic of having the same roots and even if you leave, you’re still the same little flower (I think he said that’s how Nate felt? He spoke too fast lmao). It’s the tattoo Colby forgets he has the most.

Moon and Wolf: Wolf is apparently actually a coyote. Wolves actually have their tails down when howling at the moon, learned this at the wolf sanctuary with Elton. Symbolizes a lone wolf at the moon (nice Colby) and being independent. Constantly felt like he was relying on others, and got the tattoo to remind himself to be his own person. On the lower end of his favorite list. Perhaps the most recognizable.

Simple Pickup Heart: Two meanings: “Protect your heart” and Simple Pickup. Learned confidence through Simple Pickup. Doesn’t think the keyhole is Kingdom Hearts, more of a guarding his heart. 

Bleeding Rose: Didn’t expect it to be it that big. Symbolizes getting over an emotional time in your life. The tattoo that people like the most. 

XPLR Logo: Of course, the logo of their brand. His first tattoo, got it around 2017. Doesn’t think he’s going to do anymore on his back. 

Water Droplet and Ripple: Live in the moment, something that Nate always talked about. Sam said it was really last minute, but he really likes it because of the meaning and the depth of it. Represents 25x25 and all of their high school friendships. Sam said it took some getting used to, but now he really likes it. 

Two Skulls: Two skulls represent him and Sam. Through life and death, Sam will always be by his side and will have the same sort of outlook on life. Best friends in life and death. 

Sacred Heart: (not a full sacred heart) Scythe is a symbol of what death holds, kind of like memento mori, remember that you’ll always going to do. When he dies, he’s going to be holding onto the love of his creator. Holding onto the love of the high power he believes in. The chain does have a Kingdom Hearts symbol on the end, and he put it there before it was all of the Kingdom Hearts symbols in one.

Shatter: Joked that it was the shattered hoodie. Two meanings: represents the abandoned locations they explored, and if you get pushed, you can be cracked but never be broken. He can be knocked down, but he can never be broken. “The next time we’re on the road, I want you to SHOVE ME TO THE FLOOR.”

25: Done by Sam, of course, and he did one on Sam’s leg, and represented 25x25. Colby’s is healing strange and has some white blotches, but he loves how raw it looked. 

Sam likes how Colby’s tattoos all of meanings and tell a story. Colby’s going back to get two more tattoos, and is going to put some clouds below the Sacred Heart and it going to get an hourglass to represent “now or never”. 

They also mentioned doing a live tour once COVID’s over. 

From a fan question: 

One tattoo he would get rid of if he had to: the wolf because it’s actually a coyote. 

His favorite would be the two skulls tattoo (it had also been worked on for 6 months before he eventually got it).  

From a fan question: where they see themselves in 3 years: 

Colby: Still doing YouTube, but on a crazier level. Getting more into the business side of life. Maybe going into real estate or property owning. Knows they won't be leaving social media. 

Sam: Knows they’ll be challenging themselves, traveling the world, and trying to inspire people.

From a fan question: will you make a video game/mobile game:

Sam says they haven’t solidified anything, but it’s something they’ve talked about. Colby says it’s going to happen, and he’s manifesting it, and that they’ll figure things out once COVID is over. 

From a fan question: why did he get tattoos

Grew up around the emo scene/Warped tour because of his brother, so he always like it on other people.

Also a “YOLO” thing.

They all have meaning, and he wants them to be a storybook of his life on his body.

[cartoonfangirl1218]

Winner’s Curse Ch. 26

Two days before

Ben’s eyes grazed the royal document detailing the tuition plans for the 101 dalmatians but didn’t truly comprehend the words. He had too many other things to think about.

Truthfully that was his usual state of mind for when he had to focus on writing a moving commencement speech for the Camelot School for Junior Wizards, his mind was occupied by the pollution problems plauging Atlantica. Or when trying to encourage more farmers to send their children to high schools, his mind would be going over the new list of complaints by the Auradonians for Safety Committee that were against Ben’s current plans for more Vks to come to Auradon. A plan that they’d been stalling for months.

Now his mind was on the lost communication with his friends on the Isle. One moment Uma had been settling her agreement that she would help in exchange for freedom for Vks, the next moment his communicator fizzled out. A trouble of wifi or magic, he didn’t know but Carlos and Jane were working on it so he could focus on his thirty other duties.

However, his mind could not focus knowing that Jay, Uma and the others were in the heart of the Coven’s nest, where last he heard, they were making their final preparations to attack.

Which made Ben even more nervous as Uma could be trying to send him vital information like where the Coven would attack first- Arendalle? Kuzcotopia?- or if they would hit various places at once. He didn’t know so he had ordered the royal guards of each kingdom to be doubled, stationed and prepared at each entrance. But what if that was a waste of resources and they were all needed in one place? There were so many factors and questions, but he could do nothing.

Just like he was helpless in the face of the Auradonian Royal Committee. They were his people, and he had to put their wants and needs into account, as they continually reminded him every time he brought up his VK plans, but he thought he should use his power to help those less fortunate. Not the loudest majority.

He felt helpless which made him frustrated, he was king and yet he couldn’t utilize his powers to the full extent, not without angering a swarth of his citizens and being accused of a tyrant. And he couldn’t delegate his tasks. Mal was still in the midst of her lessons with Cogsworth and he didn’t want to stress her out like before.

He was trying his best… he was trying and he was still helpless.

Then a tap on the window startled Ben out of his reverie, he whipped his head around to see an absolutely drenched blonde girl, dressed in a brown leather corset and a raggedy skirt, clinging picariously to the window frame and tapping to be let in.

Ben was so startled at the sight he fell out of his chair, before recovering his manners and letting the stranger. Trying his best to remain calm and not give into the fear pounding at his chest and urging him to yell at this intruder, he managed a whispered, “Who are you? How did you get to my window? This is the top floor of the palace!” “I climbed.” The blonde blithly answered, flexing her buff muscles before gathering her up her wet hair and squeezed the water onto the cream white rug. Ben cringed at how Fifi would complain of the mess but there were bigger matters at hand.

“I’m Cosette,” The blonde introduced herself, “Gaston’s daughter. Uma sent me to tell you that the Coven has insiders in Auradon. The insiders have been helping the Coven widen the hole in the barrier and set up weak points for them to get through.” Ben staggered and almost sat down on the damp floor but steadied himself as a king shou;d. He was king, he needed to be strong even though the news made him lightheaded.

There were Auradonians willing to work with the kingdom’s greatest villains? Why? It just didn’t make sense. Did they hate his rule so much, they wanted him as well as everyone else dead?

Then a new fear gripped his mind. The communication had been down for a week. Had been Uma trying to send him the message all this time? Was it too late now to catch these insiders? What if-

No, Ben told himself. If he let his mind think too much on the questions, he’d only become muddled and panic. He needed to be clear headed. Besides he had Cosette right here, she would give him the information he needed.

He breathed deeply five times to get himself into the present. He shrugged off his jacket and handed it to Cosette even though it was a poor replacement for a towel. Had she really swam across the ocean? Cosette was truly the strongest and toughest person he knew if she did so by herself.

“Do you know who the insiders are?” He asked

Cosette pulled the jacket tighter around herself, the cold air seeming to get to her, “Yes,” She closed her eyes and thought hard as if trying her best to focus on a long list or listing something in chronological order, she counted on her hand, “It’s a mini Coven with- with Alexandria of Atlantis… Kyro? Morgaine Le Fey and… and Victoria Potter?”

Ben froze as he tried to comprehend the names. Alexandria? Victoria Porter as he guessed Cosette got the name incorrectly but was close enough he knew who she was talking about. His very own classmates, people he had known since he was a child? They were helping the Coven?

Kyro, he had limited contact with. He knew he was the son of the mean dragon Kyto and the nasty Never fairy, Vidia, who escaped an Isle sentence thanks to Mother Dove pardon. That was about it. Why he was in contact with the other three when he didn’t even go to Auradon prep, Ben could only guess he flew back and forth. Directly against the Magic Ban, but hey he was working with a Coven, such a thing as the Magic Ban was just another rule to break.

And though he didn’t know Morgaine Le Fey, he knew of her mother’s devious ways. That’s why she had been sent to the Isle, and Merlin had warned that she’d seek revenge for it. Neither of them had considered that her daughter might help. That would explain how the mini Coven kept in contact with the Isle.

But still, why Alexandria and Victoria? They were so rule-abiding. So good. Alexandria was often the first to sign up for Ben’s charity drives and marine-related non profits. Victoria helped with her parents’ gorilla sanctuary. In fact, Victoria was one of those against Vks, why would she team up with them?

Unless they were being used by Morgaine and Kyro. Fey were tricky beings, and Victoria and Alexandria, usually being good Auradonians must have fallen for their ways. They needed to be rescued!

“St-stay here, Cosette, I’ll be right back with warm clothes and coffee au lait,” Ben stammered and ran off, heart pounded as he raced down the stairs, nearly tripping over his own feet in his desperation to get to the female dorm rooms.

He thanked his lucky stars that he followed Cogsworth advice in memorizing the student room numbers. It made it feel like Ben really cared, which he did though memorizing had been boring. Now it was coming to good use as he practically ran into Alexandria’s dorm, not bothering to knock.

It wasn’t locked, and if Ben had been in a less frazzled state he would have been surprised at that. Then again if he had been in a normal state, he would have knocked and asked to be let in, which in this case had been a great boon that he hadn’t.

For there stood Morgaine Le Fey, leaning over a pale Alexandria as if to give her a pep talk.

“Step away from her,” Ben stated calmly yet an undercurrent of anger was strong in his tone, surprising himself as well as the two other girls.

Alexandria yelped and Morgaine raised one green glowing hand before setting it down at realizing it was Ben who had come.

“Hello there, my liege,” Morgaine curtsied, placing a hand over her heart as if pleading fidelity to him.

Ben didn’t lose his defensive stance though he spoke in a more polite tone. He didn’t understand why Morgaine was not on the defense but even if she was controlling Alexandria and Victoria, maybe he would be able to talk her out of it. What if, like Uma, she just wanted to be heard.

He was willing to do that.

“Hello, Morgaine. You’re quite far from your home in Camelot Heights,” Ben began testing the waters.

“I came to visit my friend,” Morgaine gestured to Alexandria. The mermaid princess cringed as if Morgaine had physically pinched her, confirming Ben’s suspicions that she wasn’t allied with Morgaine willingly.

“Wonderful. That’s great.” Ben nodded, though he wasn’t able to fake a smile as he wished. He was too tense for that and lying never came easy to him, “I’m sorry for barging in so rudely .” “Yeah, why was that?” Morgaine asked, far too calmly, her smile too saccherine while her eyes were guarded.

Ben pursed his lips, choosing his words carefully as it would determine the sorceress’ next move.

“I- I have some intelligence from my-” He paused, not wanting to reveal his friend’s presence on the Isle while Morgana was still there and could expose them, “My royal guard that you’re still in contact with your mother.” Ben said slowly.

“Is that wrong?” Morgaine’s smile grew wider, “She is my mother. We’re very close even though the distance you’ve put between us has made that hard.”

Ben gulped, not from guilt in tearing Morgana and Morgaine apart but knowing that he had done the same to less treacherous villains and their children. A letter he had received from the despondent son of Medusa echoed poignantly in his mind.

“My mother is not how people view her. They don’t know her at all. And even if she did stone a few people, she wouldn’t do that now. She was a sculptress and my best friend. I miss her so much. Please bring her back.”

“I’m sorry for that. I do not fault you for wanting to remain in contact with her, but I have had my sources from the Magic Council that she has helped form an alliance- a Coven to be more exact- with twelve other prominent villains on the Isle. Did you discuss that with her?” Morgaine’s sickly sweet smile remained in place, “No, she didn’t. We’re close, but she didn’t tell me that. I guess she wanted me to have deniability.”

Ben twitched, his instinct and brain fighting an internal battle. Knowing that Morgaine was lying but unable to prove it. Knowing that he could get Alexandria, and later Victoria, away from her clutches if only Morgaine would leave.

But he couldn’t. He couldn’t accuse her outright without proof or Morgaine’s own confession. He couldn’t do that now when he was weaponless and her previously glowing green hand proved that she would spell him if he got in her way.

And it was clear Morgaine knew that from the way her forced smile turned into a triumphant one. Mocking his helplessness.

“Well,” Ben bowed, going for the diplomatic approch he had intially planned, “I can’t get your mom off the Isle without more support. But if you have any complaints that I could help with, please come to me. I want to help.”

Morgaine walked toward the door, forcing him back to the doorway. Bringing the door close, Morgaine’s demenour was too gleeful even though her words dripped with faux gratefulness, “Thank you so much, my King, and I will come to you if I ever need anything from you.”

“You too, Alexandria,” Ben called as the door began to shut, “Whatever you need, I want to help.”

But Alexandria didn’t answer, she only glanced helplessly at him, nauseous-looking as the mahogany slammed.

Ben sighed, leaning his head against the door in defeat and walked back to his office where he had some new battle plans to draw up and an urge to call up Auradon’s most magical. They needed all their defenses.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Morgaine, he knows!” Alexandria gasped once they heard the king’s retreating footsteps. She jumped from her bed, a mistake as it only increased the lightheadedness that hadn’t faded from her previous panic attack, “He knows. Oh gods, we have to call this off. We have to tell him everything!”

“No, we’re not.” Morgaine said firmly, reminding Alexandria of her mother. The way she got when things were final.

Which only made Alexandria’s stomach sink even more. Down to the depths of the sea if that were possible.

“Who cares if he knows. We’re attacking in a day’s time. He can’t do anything about us. It’s too late.”

[justjessame]

The Deal Chapter 47

The Kingdom was something that I wasn’t expecting. Well, I wouldn’t have known what to expect, but this- This wasn’t what I would have imagined. There was a corral for the horses. The brick buildings had white trim. There was a gazebo where people sat and chatted. A garden, a clothes line, and people glancing up as the men who found me rode with me through the community. Picnic tables dotted the area they took me through.

“What was this place before?” I whispered, feeling awed by the simplicity of the life here contrasting against the opulence of the buildings.

“School.” One of my companions grunted.

I nodded, thinking it must have been a boarding school for diplomats’ children or politicians and the rich. I felt a flash of curiosity about Deanna’s boys, and whether they attended school here. I was still taking in my surroundings when the horses halted. We were in front of a building with the words “Post Theater” engraved into the white wood trim. I was helped down and pushed forward, toward the steps of the building.

“Go on,” the man who’d rode behind me said, coming up behind me. “You have to be presented to King Ezekiel. He’ll decide what to do with you.”

King Ezekiel? What did you expect, my mind screamed, it’s called the fucking Kingdom after all? I walked up the steps, wondering if I looked as certain as Negan had said I had when I left the tree line that first night. And then inside, I was directed toward the actual theater, and seated on a throne with a tiger at his side was a man I had to assume was the king himself.

I bowed. What else could I do? Clearly this was some type of cosplay kingdom, yet they all seemed to be taking their roles pretty damn seriously. And if I wanted to find a place here, then I’d play along.

“Rise up, young maiden.” Dear Lord, are you serious? “I am King Ezekiel. Who are you?”

I truly hoped that this theatrical man, with his graying dreads and regal attempts didn’t expect me to go ‘Shakespeare in the park’. “Jessica Grimes, your majesty.” I answered, rising and looking him straight in the eye.

“Grimes?” Ugh, there it was again, recognition. “Are you related to Rick Grimes?” I closed my eyes and prayed for composure.

“Yes, I’m his oldest daughter, sir.” I answered, breathing through my nose, hoping that he wouldn’t send me away.

He gestured for the men who were clearly still crowding me to move, or leave. “I thought you were-”

I wondered if I was supposed to be dead? Or a traitor? Or something truly offensive? “I offered myself as a trade for Glenn Rhee’s life, sir. I had no idea that I wouldn’t die for it. I-” I glanced down, collecting myself. “I left the Sanctuary. I feel I won’t be welcome in Alexandria, and even if I am, I’d rather not return.”

I could see the questions in his eyes when I raised my head. Questions that bubbled and churned. I was surprised he fought them off. “We have two of your people here, Jessica.” Shit. Who? He nodded at the men who hadn’t left, but had pulled back. “Have a seat, please. I’d like to see what they have to say.”

Great. More people who would assume I was a turncoat. Or that I was dead. Or who knew what else I’d have to face. More expectations. More crap that I was trying to avoid.

I was surprised when ‘my’ two people arrived. Carol? Morgan? What the hell? Carol took one look at me and rushed forward, pulling me from my seat and hugging me to her. I felt myself lean into the comfort she was giving me. And Morgan met my eyes over her shoulder. I didn’t see it. The judgement. The disappointment.

“Jessi,” Carol breathed, pulling back and brushing my hair from my face. “I thought you were-” She pulled me back into another hug. “I thought you gave up, sweetheart. I thought you gave up.”

I felt the burning in my eyes warning of tears and fought them. I shook my head and she released me. “I did too.” I lost the fight, tears brimmed over and were running down my cheeks. “I can’t go back, Carol.” It was a whisper, but she heard me and nodded. She moved away from me and I heard her approach the king.

“Jessi,” Morgan was staring at me, at whatever expression had taken over my face. He shook his head, his eyes tight. “I worried,” he started, moving closer, but not touching me. “I thought that you might have-”

I brushed the wetness from my face. “That I’d traded sides?” I asked, shaking my head at the horrified look he shot me. “No? That seems to be the popular opinion in Alexandria.” I fought to regain my control. “No one understood, I guess.” Feigning a lack of concern was harder when your face was challenging it. “I just can’t-” I shook my head again. Not able to continue my sentence as the feeling of pain took over.

“Jessica Grimes,” King Ezekiel’s voice sounded powerful, but gentle at the same time, a rare talent if I’d ever heard one. “Carol has vouched for you, and so, I welcome you to The Kingdom.”

Carol insisted I come to her house. That I stay with her. And Morgan followed us, letting the two of us walk side by side, letting us have some privacy. It was unnecessary since I was silent during the walk. And Carol, knowing far better than most what I was dealing with, let me have the quiet.

Her house was quaint, on the fringes of the Kingdom, surrounded by the same type of walker warning system I knew from my time at Daryl’s side. Seeing the ring of noise making paraphernalia made my heart clench painfully at the mere thought of him, and I thought I hid it, but Carol’s hand found mine and gave it a squeeze. I’d never escape them, any of them, I realized no matter where I went. Memories would torment me until the day I finally died.

Inside was just as cozy as the exterior, and I stood awkwardly in the middle of the room that was clearly meant to be a living room, unsure of what to do. “Sit, Jessi,” Carol offered, gesturing toward her couch.

I sat, hands clasped in my lap, waiting for it. The interrogation. The questions. The curiosity that was no doubt flowing through her and Morgan. Nothing came. I heard a bit of rattling in another room, and looked up to find that I was alone in the room. No Morgan. No Carol.

I sighed and let myself sink into the sofa. I hadn’t rested since leaving the Sanctuary. I didn’t trust that I wouldn’t be ambushed by walkers or worse humans. I let my eyes shut, for a moment, and when I opened them again, it was dark outside. It took a moment for me to remember where I was, but when I did, I wondered where Carol was.

“I’m right here, Jessi.” Her voice came from my right, and I saw that she was sitting on the other side of the couch. I’d fallen asleep sitting up. “You look exhausted.”

I couldn’t even find the energy to snort. I was exhausted. Completely and totally. “It’s been a long couple of-” I stopped. It seemed like it had been a long couple of years. My entire life was just a long series of pushing forward when I should have been sitting it out, it seemed. I sighed. “Thank you.” I offered.

“Hey,” I turned to look at her. “You don’t have to thank me, Jessi.” She smiled, and I could see the guilt in her eyes. “We really didn’t take care of you, did we?” She asked, studying me far too closely for my comfort.

“I don’t know what you mean, Carol.” I deflected. I ran my hand down my face and nearly laughed. Dear God, had I picked up Negan’s habit? “I’m tired, but I’m fine.”

She shook her head, I saw it from the corner of my eye. “You’re tired, but you’re not fine, Jessi.” I started to speak, but she stopped me. “Don’t bullshit a bullshitter.” I heard her give a bit of a chuckle, but didn’t know what she found funny.

“Everyone seems to think they know me, Carol. What do you see when you look at me?” I asked, wondering if she saw a martyr, a broken woman, or a suicidal mess?

She moved over, close enough to offer comfort if necessary, but still leaving me space. “I see a woman who shouldered every single thing that life and her people threw her way without a single complaint. I see a woman who loved so deeply that people took it for granted. I see a woman who would have taken on everyone else’s loss or sorrow or pain, just to keep them from feeling it. And I see a woman who offered her own damn life in the place of someone else’s because she gave up HOPE and wanted someone who still had it to live.” She took my hand in hers, and squeezed it. “Am I close?”

My tears were falling again, even as I shook my head, trying to deny how right she was. “You all did the best you could.” I was absolving her of any type of guilt she might have had, that they might have had.

“There it is.” She said, drawing my attention to her face. Her smile was sad. “You’re doing it again. You’re trying to make ME feel better about failing YOU.” She shook her head and she brushed my hair out of my face again. “Jessi, we were a family, we ALL should have seen it. We should have seen that you were breaking, but we didn’t. Not a single one of us.” Another shake of her head. “I can’t believe I made you come to defend Rick. I should have seen it.” She meant when all hell broke loose in Alexandria, the day Dad saw a glimpse of it. “So worried about those three questions, but never worried about the real cost.”

I pulled my hand from hers to swipe my tears away. “No one needed to fix me, Carol. Not when we’re constantly fighting everything this world keeps tossing at us.” I stared at a framed print on her wall. “Everyone had their own burdens. No one needed to take on mine.”

“You took on ours.” She reminded me, voice as quiet as mine. “Jesus, Daryl-” She stopped, seeing me flinch at the mention of his name. The thought that she would dare question his motives or his love for me, that the mention of his name would now be forever linked to Negan. To his insistence that I give up Daryl and his memory. “Jessi? Have you seen him?”

My eyes stayed on the painting. “I’ve been back to Alexandria twice since-” I didn’t have to say since when I knew she’d fill in the blanks. “He stared a hole in me the first time. I doubt he noticed me the second.” I was proud of how I sounded like I didn’t care.

“I’ve seen him. And your dad.” She offered, but my eyes were following the lines of the painting. “He misses you, Jessi. He, they love you so much, honey.”

I nodded. I didn’t doubt either assumption. I’m sure they did, or they told themselves they did. That they SHOULD miss me, that they SHOULD still love me. “You aren’t going to try to talk me into going back are you?” I had to know, because if that was something she wanted, then I would leave. I would venture into the unknown. I would become completely isolated before I was forced back.

“No.” She was firm. “I can understand you needing space.” And then it came, a question I should have anticipated, but didn’t. “Negan? Did he force you to-”

“NO.” My tone startled her, I felt her body tense. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have-” I closed my eyes and turned to face her again. “He isn’t like that.” With me, I added in my head, since I wasn’t sure his wives would tell the same story. “He-” how do I explain it without giving anything too intimate away? “He helped me break free from-”

“You wanted to die.” She said it so matter-of-fact that I knew she understood. “He helped you through that?” I nodded, praying she wouldn’t pry further. “That’s one good thing he’s done.” She sniffed, and I could tell it pained her to even give him that much credit. “I made some stew, would you like some?” A change of topics was welcome, and I nodded again.

Days in the Kingdom were different. I offered to do any job that needed done, bar planning for what was to come between the Saviors and Ezekiel’s people. I had a feeling they wouldn’t have agreed to allow me to join even if I was amiable. There wasn’t the same distrust I’d seen in Alexandria here, but I knew that my last name, and my disinterest in returning to Dad’s side was enough to make some question my purpose in their community.

Laundry duty. I nearly laughed at the irony of being given laundry duty. Once upon a time, I’d become a hunter and tracker just to escape laundry duty.

I didn’t complain or talk much at all while working. Getting lost in the physical aspect of the job, letting muscle memory be retaught to do this rather menial task was a form of escape too. I spent my day washing clothes for the community. Bedding, linens, clothing I washed and hung. I folded the dried batches, and I helped sort with the other workers, who showed me their system.

When I was dismissed, I’d walk back to Carol’s. Usually she was waiting for me, but if she wasn’t, I’d sit on the top step of her porch and look out over the grass. I’d watch it bend in the slight wind. I’d let my mind pretend for a while that I wasn’t hiding and waiting.

Carol would make us dinner. We’d sit in her living room, and she’d try to get me to open up more. Not as antagonistic as Negan, she usually managed to get me to talk a bit before I’d feel she pushed too hard and I’d close down again. ANY criticism toward Dad, Daryl, or anyone I considered family or, in the case of Negan that I felt anything for, was off limits.

And then it happened. I had just come back, with our clean laundry in tow, when Carol told me to sit down. I knew, from her tone, from the way she could hardly look into my eyes, that it was time. That they were going to be heading to the first round of a war that I wanted no part in. And for once, the only time I truly remembered feeling this way, I didn’t want anyone to say goodbye to me before leaving. I didn’t want to see her go. I didn’t want to see Morgan walk away.

I also knew that I’d sit behind in the relative safety of The Kingdom, waiting, and feeling like I was hovering in limbo. And I wondered, whomever came back, what would they find in my place?

[mariaclaragomez276]

Meet the SLH Marketing Team

A creative think tank of travel experts specialising in luxury brand positioning, we’re proud to be a small yet mighty team of independently minded individuals. Each with our own unique skill-set, from illustration, graphic design, content creation to copywriting, our marketing knowledge spans across three continents and the same number of decades. Here’s a little bit more about the people behind the brand…

Richard Hyde – Chief Operating Officer

Three fun facts about yourself…

On a work experience week at the Amstel Hotel in Amsterdam a guest called to complain about the soap not soaping. He didn’t realise it had a thin plastic wrapping. That person was Bill Gates.

My first job was advertising microwave ovens. We put a massive billboard on the Cromwell Road with a 25 ft rubber chicken. Within 24 hours it had disappeared, never to be found again. But someone in Earls Court must have it.

I am a big reindeer fan. On a visit to Lapland to see Father Christmas (he does exist), I befriended a reindeer with one antler called Nobby. I paid for his upkeep for a year and got an ownership certificate. If you enjoyed the Chernobyl series on Sky, spare a thought for all the wildlife in Scandinavia, which caught the brunt of the radiation fall out. Another sad fact, there are no wild reindeer left in Scandinavia. Every single one is accounted for and tagged.

Which destination is top of your bucket list?

I’ve always wanted to cycle from New York to San Francisco, but apparently it is better the other way due to the prevailing wind, but it’s not same to end 6 weeks of pain in the East River rather than the Pacific Ocean.

The one SLH hotel you’d like to visit, and why?

A hard question but I’ll say the new Kontiki Yacht experience around the Galapagos.

Where is your happy place?

In a large double bed with the family, watching an old Sophia Loren movie and Jennifer Lawrence whispering bed time stories in my ear.

Your most memorable travel experience?

Going on a moped tour of Lahore in Pakistan. Just the friendliest people and most exotic markets. Shame it’s ruined by internal strife.

Abi Tottenham-Smith – Head of Social Media

Three fun facts about yourself…

I am a big musical theatre fan and love nothing more than a cheesy musical. I have been dancing since I was a kid and still like to do classes and workshops every so often now to get my fix!

I have worked and lived in both Singapore and NYC for a few months each. Even though I have bought a flat in London and have a dog, I still have an urge to live somewhere else for a short period of time – anyone in NYC want to house swap?

I studied Fashion Marketing at university and always thought I wanted to get into the fashion industry – particularly mens fashion. After a short stint in the fashion industry and then the world of beauty, I moved into travel and couldn’t see myself anywhere else now!

Which destination is top of your bucketlist?

I had a trip to South Africa booked to visit friends before lockdown which sadly got cancelled so I am desperate to re-arrange that as soon as possible! I am also craving a wilderness escape in Canada and it would be a dream to one day visit Bhutan – it sounds like a truly magical country and it still seems like it is relatively untouched by tourism.

The one SLH hotel you’d like to visit, and why?

There are far too any and I had already mentioned in my previous interview that I was desperate to visit Sikelia, Trout Point Lodge and Petit St. Vincent but now on top of these I love the look of Hôtel Crillon le Brave in France, Villa La Madonna in Italy and Villa Geba in Montenegro.

Where is your happy place?

On Compton Beach in the Isle of Wight. I have been going there with my family since I was a child as my grandfather bought a small coastguard cottage on the island at an auction in the 1960s. My parents now rent it out during the summer but we try to go down as much as possible when its available. It’s the one place where you can truly relax, go on long beautiful walks, play board games by the fire and turn off from city life!

Your most memorable travel experience?

We arrived on a tiny island in the Philippines in the middle of the night and had to get to our accommodation on the opposite side of the island. We managed to find a lovely man who took us in his tuktuk – little did we know the roads meandered through thick woods and hovered over steep cliffs and our new pal was a maniac on the road… two hours later we arrived shaken but unscathed and hiked down to the little hut we had booked. We had no idea where we were or what the surroundings were like but woke up in the morning to the most incredible view over a river, in the middle of nowhere. We ended up staying there for three nights and enjoyed swimming in the river, hiking the cliffs and relaxing in the hammock (mostly psyching ourselves up to take the journey back again!)

Maddy Morgan – Director of PR Worldwide

Three fun facts about yourself…

I once went to circus school to learn how to be a trapeze artist.

In the 90s I was a clog dancing champion and went on tours of Europe and the US.

I have visited pretty much every corner of California – it’s my specialist subject.

Which destination is top of your bucketlist?

It’s not a destination so much as an experience – I would love to take an extended trip with my family and follow the sun and the surf around the world. No fixed agenda just pure freedom and the opportunity to take forest school to the next level for my kids!

The one SLH hotel you’d like to visit, and why?

Brazil has been on my wish list for a long time so Kenoa – Exclusive Beach Spa and Resort near Maceio is top of the list. It describes itself as an eco-chic design hotel where luxury is defined by earth given beauty – I feel relaxed just thinking about it!

Where is your happy place?

For me it’s Portugal – I spent a lot of time there growing up and then studied at university in Coimbra. I go at least once a year and love the fact that when I’m there I feel completely at home and not a tourist. The smell of pine trees will always be one of the most evocative scents for me and takes me straight back to hot summer days in Algarve.

Your most memorable travel experience?

I worked at an orphanage in rural Sarawak for a year when I was 18. The locals were incredibly generous taking us on trips to visit their families in nearby longhouses and including us in special occasions like weddings – it’s a cliché but there really is nothing like a totally immersive travel experience. One of them who I hadn’t seen for 20 years just sent me a video message out of the blue for my birthday in June which was the most amazing present. If I’m allowed a second one it would be filming on Alcatraz and being left alone in the cell block while the crew went outside to shoot the sunset. I’m not sure many people get to experience that and it was terrifying!

Dana O’Malley – PR Director Americas

Three fun facts about yourself…

I used to live three blocks from the White House.

I was on the field for an AC Milan v Chelsea match.

I’m half Trinidadian, half American (by way of Eastern Europe).

Which destination is top of your bucket list?

Japan has been on the top of my bucket list for a few years now and I’m determined to get there soon! I’ve always been infatuated by the culture and food, and can’t wait to explore the cities and further afield.

The one SLH hotel you’d like to visit, and why?

I would love to visit Dar Ahlam in Morocco. It’s a very special retreat situated near the Moroccan desert which caters to your every whim.

Where is your happy place?

Anywhere with my husband! We’re always ready for an adventure and experiencing new things, especially with our young daughter in tow.

Your most memorable travel experience?

Pimalai Resort & Spa in Koh Lanta, Thailand holds a special place in my heart. We spent our honeymoon at the resort basking in the sun, enjoying private dinners on the beach and taking a boat tour to visit nearby islands.

Juliana Tan – PR Director Asia Pacific

Three fun facts about yourself…

I take care of Public Relations in Asia Pacific, and live on the sunny shores of Singapore.

During my free time, I enjoy photography and jewellery making.

I have recently taken up gardening too, inspired by the farm-to-table concept that I see at many SLH hotels.

Which destination is top of your bucket list?

North America! I have travelled to almost every part of Asia Pacific, but have not ventured to the Americas yet. I was supposed to visit this November, so that is definitely top of my list for 2021.

The one SLH hotel you’d like to visit, and why?

I would like to go to Hacienda Zorita Wine Hotel & Organic Farm Hotel in Spain. I love to eat, and just reading up about the hotel makes me hungry – for their fine Spanish cuisine and culinary adventures at their organic farm and vineyard. I am especially looking forward to meeting their special residents who live in the 30-hectare evergreen oak tree forest – the indigenous Churra sheep, near extinct Verata goats and endangered woolly Mangalica pigs. The hotel is committed to preserving indigenous, rare and endangered species in the Duero Valley. If the place is good enough for Christopher Columbus (who reputedly once visited, restored and modernised the 14th-century Dominican monastery), Hacienda Zorita Wine Hotel & Organic Farm Hotel is definitely good enough for me to explore!

Where is your happy place?

Cliché as it sounds, the Kingdom of Bhutan warms the cockles of my heart. I was intrigued by a place which seems to have stood still in time, by their very colourful culture and historic architecture. Beyond The Tiger’s Nest and Dzongs, there’s so much more to explore in Bhutan, like staying in a farmhouse, making your own buckwheat noodles from scratch and ending the day with a hot stone bath (you can try a luxurious version at Gangtey Lodge and Bhutan Spirit Sanctuary). Most of all, the sincere and welcoming hearts of the people I met left the deepest impression, so much so I started to read up on the Kingdom after I returned home, and I am planning to go back again soon.

Your most memorable travel experience?

My first safari to Botswana was an eye-opener, literally. Being a city dweller, the concrete jungle with its gaudy lights, deafening noises and rushed footsteps were what I was used to. During the week I was on safari, I was greeted with glistening sunshine accented with the happy chirping of birds and the rustling of leaves as wildlife walked alongside. I learnt to stay still and just observe the animals, thoroughly enjoying the antics of the young. The entire experience enhanced my senses – by day three, I was able to clearly see the vast plains lit solely by the moonlight and interpret the calls and footsteps of wildlife; our safari guide (interestingly, his name was Fish) taught us well!

Jessica Sparkes – Head of Digital Performance

Three fun facts about yourself…

Recently, I reignited my love for musical theatre, completing a beginner course and singing ‘I dreamed a dream’ in the end show.

I have a little Maltipoo pup called Gus. We like to do tricks together, currently we are learning to dance.

I’ve tried every last minute holiday diet available.

Which destination is top of your bucket list?

Argentina Wine Trails, Cambodia and the Philippines.

The one SLH hotel you’d like to visit, and why?

There are far too many to choose from! Finca Serena for the ultimate, European, countryside escape. Huvafen Fushi Maldives – you just need to view the hotel gallery to understand why! And Le Barthélemy Hotel & Spa because I absolutely love the Caribbean and this is another beautiful location to tick off my list.

Where is your happy place?

The minute I buckle up my seat belt on a plane out of here! The happiest of places is when I have my toes in the sand, face in sunshine and reading a book.

Your most memorable travel experience?

I did a sunrise climb of Mount Batur in Bali a couple of years ago. I had absolutely no idea what to expect and probably for the best. A pick up time of 2am, three hour trek in the thick darkness of the night with head torches and then climbing towards the top on my hands and knees! Once you have made it to the top of the volcano, you see the most incredible views across Indonesia with the sun rising over the horizon. There was also a guitarist singing “Hotel California” – such an incredible experience.

Laura Bizayi – Senior Digital Campaign Manager

Three fun facts about yourself…

I was born 11 weeks premature and weighed just the same as a bag of sugar.

I have a 6 month old Pomapoo called Luna, so we have the same initials (LB).

I once took part in the world’s biggest egg and spoon race at school.

Which destination is top of your bucketlist?

Maldives. Philippines. Mykonos. I’m more of a sun searcher, I admit.

The one SLH hotel you’d like to visit, and why?

Kenoa – Exclusive Beach Spa & Resort. New to SLH and looks completely lush. I haven’t travelled to South America yet and this is the perfect excuse!

Where is your happy place?

Honestly, anywhere (mostly) abroad where I can appreciate the beauty, locality, food and culture of a destination. I genuinely love travelling, so my happy place changes. Besides this, anywhere with my Pomapoo puppy Luna, she’s my forever happy place.

Your most memorable travel experience?

I loved South Africa. I visited Cape Town and Johannesburg. The thing that topped South Africa as potentially my favourite holiday is the beauty – the driving routes are absolutely incredible (but scary, the cliff-edges terrified me every single day!), while Cape Town as a place is eye-opening, particularly post-apartheid, and more so since I was travelling with my husband who is African. I’m particularly happy we now have some new hotels in this destination, and would certainly go back and drive the Garden Route to see more of the country and visit The Cellars-Hohenort, The Plettenberg, and The Marine.

Sorry, I also have to mention Bali. We visited for our honeymoon so it’s got to be top of the list. Balinese hospitality is just so lovely and not like anything I’ve experienced before. We stayed at Viceroy Bali and it’s a true gem!

Jemima O’Lone – Digital Content & Design Manager

Three fun facts about yourself…

I used to be a chef and for the last six years I have made hand-painted cakes for weddings and events.

I adore skiing and winter tends to revolve around when and where I am going.

Like many others in my team, I love dogs and always have my eyes open for my own – I’ll know when the right one comes along.

Which destination is top of your bucketlist?

Bhutan for this once in a lifetime itinerary.

The one SLH hotel you’d like to visit, and why?

Halcyon House for interiors and Dar Ahlam for the experience – apparently it is life changing.

Where is your happy place?

Meribel, France – where I lived for three winters. I try to visit every year and this year I was lucky enough to visit Le Coucou, a super stylish ski-in ski-out hotel. Look out for the beautiful mural of owls on the ceiling of the reception.

Your most memorable travel experience?

Touring the local cafés and eateries of Mumbai – my favourite city because it is so vibrant and full of life.  A must visit is Café Leopold, which is still littered with gunshot holes from the famous scene in the book Shantaram, unsuspecting Café Olympia where you will eat the most incredible food for £1 and Chowpatty beach for Pav Bhajis.

Chloe Frost-Smith – Digital Image & Content Executive

Three fun facts about yourself…

I was born in Hong Kong and spent my early childhood in Tokyo, Japan – my first holiday was to Bali when I was six weeks old (wish I could remember it!)

I studied Classics at university, which means I can read as many ancient languages as I can speak modern languages (in fact, I am probably more fluent in the ancient ones – useful, I know.)

I am an Advanced PADI scuba-diver and qualified shark specialist with dives logged all over the world, including the Maldives, Turks & Caicos islands, Saint Vincent & the Grenadines, Egypt, and Greece.

Which destination is top of your bucketlist?

It’s impossible to choose just one, so here are my top three:

Iceland – to ride ponies across black beaches with volcanic views.

Morocco – to shop the souks of Marrakech, and explore Chefchaouen (the Blue City) or Ouarzazate in the High Atlas Mountains, the gateway to the Sahara Desert.

Egypt – I still haven’t seen the pyramids (despite writing my dissertation on Cleopatra) and would love to take a trip down the Nile.

The one SLH hotel you’d like to visit, and why?

It would have to be Castello di Reschio – I dream of watching the weekly dressage performances in their Teatro Equestre, and would love to ride around the ancient Umbrian estate, followed by making my own pizza in an authentic alfresco class. I would also love to experience the Wild West at one of our American ranches, Rawah Ranch and Riverview Ranch both look incredibly rustic and rugged. In fact, any of our horse riding hotels would top my wish list.

Where is your happy place?

Underwater, on a horse, or on the slopes in a pair of skis (or one if you catch me after après hours…) When I’m on dry land, I am happiest on the beach in Southwold sharing fish and chips with my boyfriend and our new family puppy, Truffle.

Your most memorable travel experience?

Spotting a mother bear and her cub from a chairlift while skiing with my sister in Whistler, coming across dolphins on a cliff-walk off the coast of Ireland with my boyfriend, watching the sun rise over the temples at Angkor Wat in Cambodia, taking part in the early morning alms-giving ceremony with the local monks in Luang Prabang, swimming with sea turtles in the Tobago Cays, milking a buffalo in Laos in an all-white outfit (this did not end well), a beachfront yoga session on Petit St. Vincent, and living out my Gertrude Bell fantasies horse riding across the desert in Morocco with my father – sorry, there are too many to choose from!

Becky Underwood – Senior Marketing Manager

Three fun facts about yourself…

At the age of 14, I completed a World Challenge expedition to Tanzania, which involved climbing to the summit of Mount Meru, roaming the safari plains of the Ngorongoro Crater, dancing with the Maasai whilst learning about their customs, and completing local community projects such as rebuilding a primary school. This was a transformative experience as we were totally immersed in the culture, living alongside the villagers.

I’ve always been fascinated by architecture and property design and hope to be able to build my own house one day, perhaps I’ll even make it on to Grand Designs. For the time being, I’m still on the hunt for the perfect plot of land!

Back in 2009, I was awarded by Nottingham University for a piece of research carried out on the tourism industry and turtle conservation. A whole eight years later I planned my first trip to Costa Rica and was able to experience turtle conversation in person in Tortuguero National Park. It was magical observing newly hatched turtles dig their way to the surface of the nests and scuttle across the beach to the surf of the sea.

Which destination is top of your bucketlist?

I love the thought of completely switching off and escaping to the rugged and captivating scenery of Norway with just a backpack. In summer I’d explore by rail, kayak or boat, taking in the colourful towns and waterfalls dotted along the Fjords. Come winter I’d cosy up in a boutique hotel in front of a log burner or fire, master a snowmobile and experience my first taste of reindeer!

The one SLH hotel you’d like to visit, and why?

It’s close to home, but The Fish Hotel in the Cotswolds has been on my to visit list for a long time. Perhaps it’s the child in me, but I am desperate to escape back-to-nature and relax in one of their quirky hill-side huts and treehouses. For me the perfect stay just wouldn’t be possible without a soak in the outdoor bath or hot tub. Plus, it’s impossible not to be intrigued by a hideaway hut named ‘Boaty McBoatface’, which comes with its own private lake and island.

Where is your happy place?

There’s something that soothes my soul when I’m by the British coast. The waterways, small inlets and little villages surrounding Chichester are close to my family home, so I often escape to Bosham and Emsworth. The Deck is a great little restaurant overlooking a working yacht harbour, where you can settle in for hours over fish and chips or a coffee and cake. Then swing by the fishmongers to pick up a catch of the day for dinner.

Your most memorable travel experience?

The views from Santorini will never leave my memory. Whether it was an early morning breakfast on our balcony, or a lazy afternoon dip in the infinity pool, I was never able to divert my gaze away from the view of the Aegean Sea. So much so we took the caldera-edge pathway walk to Oia, over rough trails, to admire the captivating sea view. A particular highlight was the sunset boat ride we took in a traditional sailing boat, a great way to enjoy nature’s spectacle and to escape the crowds.

Clive Ritchie – Design Consultant

Three fun facts about yourself…

I brew my own kombucha, play keys and can walk with my feet pointing backwards.

Which destination is top of your bucketlist?

The remote atolls of the Pacific.

The one SLH hotel you’d like to visit, and why?

Pacific Resort Aitutaki, Cook Islands – I’m fascinated by remote islands and this ticks all the boxes.

Where is your happy place?

The lakes behind a town called Sedgefield on the Garden Route, near Cape Town where I spent my summer holidays as a kid.

Your most memorable travel experience?

A few days of bliss anchored at Tobago Cays in the Southern Caribbean on a catamaran – snorkelling around the reef and exploring nearby islands.

The post Meet the SLH Marketing Team appeared first on Small Luxury Hotels.

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[pastordorry-blog]

Gritty

Ash Wednesday

2 Corinthians 5:20b-6:10

March 6, 2019

           Back in September, the Philadelphia Flyers introduced their new mascot to the city. Gritty is a fuzzy orange, seven foot tall creature who wears size 33 ½ ice skates.  At first, most fans found him off-putting and awkward.  He has googly eyes and a long orange beard.   He’s shaped a lot like the Phillies Phanatic, but he’s not nearly as classy.  Or as coordinated.  At his first home game appearance, he fell down on the ice.  One twitter comment said Gritty is the Phanatic’s cousin from Delco.  I thought that was hilarious.

But for all his quirks, Gritty seems to have won over the people of Philadelphia. Guess how many followers Gritty has on Instagram? 170,000! Gritty has his own page on the Flyers website, and he is available for public appearances. Should we see if he wants to come to Vacation Bible School?  Believe it or not, he is also available to come to weddings.  I think he has captured a place in our hearts, because Philadelphians have long valued “grit”—which we loosely define as determination, scrappiness, perseverance, willingness to sacrifice and get injured, and the ability to tolerate being booed on occasion—in our athletes.

I don’t think the word “grit” appears anywhere in the Bible, but it is closely related to the “great endurance” Paul refers to in verse 4.  It is this great endurance—the Greek word here is hupomone—that allows him to persevere through thick and thin.  We know Paul endured beatings, riots, sleepless nights, hunger—without grit, Paul would have thrown in the towel very early on!  Paul calls hupomone, grit,  the “queen of all virtues”, because without this great endurance, faith fizzles out.

University of Pennsylvania professor Angela Duckworth has researched grit and concludes that, more than talent, more than intelligence, grit is a determining factor in a person’s ability to succeed.  You can be very smart and talented, but without this intangible quality, you will have trouble making your greatest contribution because, sooner or later, hardships come to us all.  Without grit we give up.  With grit, we find ways to overcome.  

I mention this to you tonight because, in my experience, the ashes we impart on Ash Wednesday are gritty.  On Ash Wednesday we have it literally rubbed in to our faces that life is hard and then you die!  But these are no ordinary ashes.  These are hupomone ashes, ashes of the Great Endurance.  Our faces are marked by ashes made by burning last year’s Palm Sunday palms.  Palms of victory.  Not of superficial victory over temporary circumstances, like overthrowing the Romans, which was the hope of the first people who waved the palms.  We know that Jesus came for so much more than that.  These ashes are made from palms that symbolize Jesus’ own hupomone, his willingness to suffer and persevere and turn all of that into eternal life for us.  We are marked by ashes of alchemy, ashes that turn tribulation into strength and glory.

The first time I imparted ashes as a pastor, I made the sign of the cross on each person with the ashes and said the words my clergy mentor told me to say, “From dust you have come, and to dust you shall return.”  But that felt incomplete to me.  That felt almost blasphemous, because we know that even though our bodies will return to dust, our souls are transported to glory.  So without even thinking, I added a second line.  “From dust you have come, and to dust you shall return; but in Jesus Christ you will live forever.”

A few days later I was talking to some clergy colleagues about our experiences, leading Ash Wednesday worship for the first time.  Everyone said, “From dust you have come, and to dust you shall return”, but some people used a different second line, “therefore repent and believe the gospel.”  I told them how I added that second line, “in Jesus Christ you will live forever.”  People smiled and said, I like that, that’s nice.  But one man disagreed and said, “No, Dorry! You have got to make them feel the death!”

I have been thinking about that every year during Lent ever since.  The season of Lent is a period of 40 days, not including Sundays, set aside for us to focus in on spiritual life.  It’s like a tithe of the church year.  Roughly 10% of our money we give to God; roughly 10% of our days we give to God.  Maybe what we most need to do during that time is to focus on our death so we can figure out how to really live.  But I prefer a more positive approach.  God does not ask us to give up our money in order for us to feel deprived.  God asks us to give our money in order to help us be fulfilled.  I think that same thing is true with the season of Lent. It is not a time set aside to make us feel deprived.  Lent is a time, a gift from the church year to us, to help us feel more fulfilled, to help us become stronger and braver and experience now the abundant and forever life Christ came to bring.  It is a time to develop grit.

         We have just finished the season of Epiphany.  We had our white paraments (lliturgical cloths at the front of the sanctuary) up for much of that time.  Now we have the purple ones up.  In about six and a half weeks, we will change over to white again, as we celebrate Easter.  The white seasons are when the church is supposed to shine the light of Christ in to the world.  They are punctuated by dark seasons, a time when we turn inward and look at our own souls. The poet Rumi said, “Yesterday I was so clever I wanted to change the world.  Today I am wise so I am changing  myself.”  That is what Lent is all about.  It’s like spring training for our souls.  We intentionally close the world in on ourselves a little bit—by fasting, or giving something up, or committing more time to prayer and study, or some other act of self-denial—so that we can practice breathing the spaciousness of heaven even when we’ve closed ourselves in.  That way, when the world for real challenges us, when it starts to constrict us and hurt us, we will be able to rely on our training, and breathe the oxygen of the Kingdom of God even if we are stuck in a noxious dump.  

If it’s hard to imagine being able to do that, we don’t have to look any further than Good Friday for an example of the great endurance we are trying to cultivate.  We know from the cross Jesus asked God to forgive those who put him there. Even though he was struggling to breathe physically, his soul was still saturated with the oxgen of God’s kingdom. He could still breathe out mercy and grace.  This is the kind of grit we are trying to develop.

         Hupomone.  The great endurance.  It’s what allowed Paul to persevere, not gritting his teeth, but as he wrote, in “purity, understanding, patience, and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report.”  We don’t have to worry about grittiness turning us into a seven foot tall orange fuzzy creature with size 33 ½ ice skates!  No, grit turns us in to the likeness of Christ.  Will you receive this season of Lent as a gift, given to help us develop grit, to develop the endurance that transforms every obstacle, even death, into strength and glory?  Amen.

[svtfoefan1976-blog]

Star vs the Forces of Evil - Poker Arc. It’s gonna get a little wild.

The episodes from The Battle for Mewni were a game changer.

For my point of view, literally.

The card game was already set since start, Star goes to Earth, when we see that Queen Moon and Star have card suits on their cheeks. Diamonds and hearts, respectively.

As stated in the first post of this series, we see on St. Olga's reform school for wayward princesses episode that Heinous has the clubs suits. But she keeps them always hidden from everyone. She doesn’t want anyone to see that cheek marks, except for Rasticore, as we see on Heinous episode when she sees pretty confortable to take her make up off with its arm. Well, he doesn’t have eyes at that moment but she loves so much that little arm...

And, as it happens just after Sleepover, and the shock and awe for the shippers, people may not pay attention on what happens in the beggining of Gift of the Card episode and get back only when Star and Marco wanted to hug like so everyone sees they died as - humm... cough! cough! Sorry, something in my throat - friends.

But we have this interesting dialogue in the very beginning:

Heinous: Thank you for meeting us today, Rasticore. We have a problem about some rogue princesses, which I hope you can help us with.

(Rasticore grunts and approaches)

Heinous: Destroy the blond one, but bring the dark hair one to me.

We trully understand the hatred on “Princess Marco” as the leader of St. Olga’s rebellion and Star as his/her sidekick. But why to “destroy” Princess Butterfly, while she knew her origin as Mewni Princess and keep alive “Princess Marco” unless both movements would give some advantage to her? In this case, I don’t believe in a simple revenge, like the one tried on Heinous episode.

And in episode Into the Wand, we see Queen Eclipsa’s tapestry and that she’s known as Queen of the Darkness. Pointless to show, she has the spades suit on her cheeks. Star’s reaction after reading her history?

Star: Huhuhuh. Bad girl.

And a face like “I loved that attitude. Inspiring.”.

Yes, the Poker arc intertwines with the Chess arc, but was not the main arc or the main game throughout the show. Until Queen Eclipsa arises from now on, because of the deal shown on episode Moon the Undaunted.

And even on this episode Moon couldn’t see Eclipsa as evil.

Moon: She didn’t seem so evil.

What about poker? Well, poker is not a game where luck takes the most importance, when well played. Intelligence, mathematics, odds and psychology to end the hand before the cards are shown down are way more important than luck. But it is also there. The most common poker game is Texas Hold’em, the modality in which the Main Event of the WSOP (World Series Of Poker) is played.

Remeber when Einstein said that “God doesn’t play dices with the universe”. Well, I feel he was partly right. If there is a God playing something with the universe, He would not be playing dices, but surely poker. And we would be His chips.

Eclipsa and Heinous might be doing a tactic plan that sometimes is common at a poker table: to look like something they aren’t. A tight player (who usually plays only with the most important combinations in a table) would act as a loose player (who may play with hands that some people believe that doesn’t have initial big value or bluffing, with cards which are not good to play as starting hands). An aggressive player (which is always raising hands in which he comes in) may become a passive player (which only calls, keeping the pot low and waiting what is going to happen in the other steps). Of course, the opposite may happen.

The chips (yes, ships sound alike, don’t ya?, nice choice of gaming from the show...) are the measure to see which player is more powerful at the table. But every player will play according to their interests. Everyone against everyone, until the player is kicked out from the table or changes table.

Even the poker language was used sometimes within the show, for example, in Starcrushed, Princess PonyHead (or Miss Lilacia, to the most intimate ones) first makes her bet during the emergency friends meeting while Star tried to bluff (decieve) them all:

Star: Uuuugh! So now, Marco and I can barely make eye contact because of Ruberiot’s dawn song! I mean... Marco actually thinks I have a crush on him. (Laughs nervously)

PonyHead: Yeah, but like, don’t you though?

Originally from here

In this scene, Star gives a huge tell, a reaction showing what she wanted to hide (in poker, would be the cards or the kind of the game she has, in this case, her crush on Marco) the nervous laugh, that she was lying about what she spoke before, to which PonyHead - as she knew more Star than any of the others there - answers with a question and a “poker face” trying to put her into telling the truth, “calling the bet”. Star denies - doubtfully - at first, but after her confession in the end of the episode, PonyHead couldn’t resist to show she “had won the hand”.

PonyHead: Who called it?! I called it! BOOM! (StarFan13 faints) I called it.

Bet, call, raise, bluff (deceiving) are traditionally used at a poker table. And it is like this the action plot will be structured from now on. We will have lots of characters (or groups of characters) moving according to their own interests.

We know that probably Heinous is not only seeking for revenge against Star and Marco. Some interesting questions on her:

1. Why she didn’t try anything to Star on the Diazes home, but wanted to kill Star at Quest Buy? Not to draw any attention from the Butterflies?

2. It looks like that Rasticore was in Toffee’s army when Queen Moon fought him. Did they still keep close relationship after Moon’s incident? Is Heinous a third insterested behind another war between Monsters and Mewmen?

3. The princesses’ brainwashing was intended only for princesses posture training or to control their minds in some way? For Heinous worked as a way to herself to get calm down also not to panic but also to remind what was her objective?

Of course, all what was spoken would be too clever for what she has shown us until now, I must admit, but anyway, she still has her own interests on the Butterfly family. Let’s put her in the game, but with a short stack. This way, she plays, but as an underdog.

Queen Moon, by now, has the most chips. She is the one that has everything to lose. The kingdom - to her enemies -, her credibility - when Queen Eclipsa is seen alive, because of her deal - and even the Magical High Comission support - assuming that even when Rhombulus unfroze Eclipsa, the Magic High Commission never knew what were the terms of the deal. If Queen Eclipsa is seen as not evil, even Star may get attracted to learn from her... And if everyone comes to see the effects of what the use of dark magic does on Moon’s arms? That is a lot to lose. She will play passive and try to bluff whenever needed, after all “the truth is dangerous”. But she has a card to use: Lekhmet.

Remember that besides being turn into ashes in Starcrushed, he was being carried in the magical carriage to the sanctuary in Return to Mewni. But he was not put to be healed immediately. Why? She lost him? Only three at a time? Or because she wanted to keep the healer under her hands to control the possibility of a Magical High Comission rebellion as she would be the only one to be able to heal them and keep things in an agreement? That is a question.

Queen Eclipsa is the most unknown and mysterious character in the show and how she will play at the table is a complete mystery. What we know for sure is she is a fan of dark magic, has the guts to unmarry a Mewman, being Queen, to marry a Monster, even it was forbidden and, if evil, she has the greatest poker face of all, being able to cry, faking empathy only to reach her objectives. She is trully a remarkable opponent as everyone compares magic powers to her, as she used as comparison to Star’s habilities in Baby episode. 

We know also that Mewni’s tapestry is good propaganda, but doesn’t represent fully the true reality. What will be the other characters reaction to Eclipsa’s arrival to the game? What is her true self, good, evil or neutral? And with how many chips she’ll arrive and will she play for fun or for real? Wouldn’t bet a single chip on what path she’ll take. Only that she’ll do whatever she pleases.

This said, how the Magic High Comission will react with Glossarick’s and Lekhmet’s loss? Will they turn against Star and Moon? Or, maybe put daughter against mother because of other reasons, for example, Eclipsa? Well, assuming that Glossaryck and the Magical High Comission were always there with every queen of Mewni, how the loss of members may affect them? And relations were quite electrical with Moon during Face the Music. And we have seen that their own members do not agree among themselves in Page Turner and Moon the Undaunted. They may not behave as a group themselves throughout the game.

Star, poor Star, must know what she wants. She wants Marco? She wants to be queen somewhere in the future? Who she will need to face for that? What are her actual threats? What does she needs to achieve her plans, if she has any plan?

Looks like she’s playing randomly in the game. In poker that’s dangerous. Because such random player can go winning or losing hands by pure chance. And be decisive for the game. By now, she is winning. But from now on, what will happen? She may put all her stakes to lose in a few hands.

And who else more could join this game? Toffee seems to be out, playing at the Lizard’s farm, but we don’t know who are the ones in other tables or outside the game but might come into it. An example: what was wacky Mina Loveberry doing inside the Monster Table (oops!) - sorry - Temple? As we have seen B4 -couldn’t resist - Eclipsa wasn’t put as an Easter Egg in Rhombulus dimension in Cristal Clear. Because of this, I simply can’t believe Mina will be only an Easter Egg from episode Book be gone. She might be playing for something.

Originally from here

This is an example on how other players may be moving up to the main table. Multi-way play leading into multi-way pots. Poker is such a simple game after explained, but its final results and actions are rather underteministic. Can’t count that all information you have in the game is true, just in terms of odds and of what hands you might be winning or losing.

And straight flushs and royal straight flushes - the maximum results on cards arrangements - are extremely rare. You can’t wait them to do a move. Anyway, out the show, the fandom loves to bet on their favorite ships. Even the weirdest ones...

The true moves begin November... Shuffle up and deal!

[picturebookmakers]

Victoria Turnbull

In this post, Victoria talks about her third picturebook, ‘Pandora’. This stunningly illustrated tale of hope and regeneration was originally published in the UK by Frances Lincoln Children’s Books, and has been translated into several other languages.

Visit Victoria Turnbull’s website

Victoria: ‘Pandora’ is the third picture book I’ve both written and illustrated. My first two books were developed on my MA in Children’s Book Illustration and published consecutively after finishing the course. So this was the first one I’d written outside the sanctuary of the MA, and it felt like a big step.

The seed of the story was planted after reading a news story about recently discovered cave paintings, where footprints of a child and a fox were also found. I began to imagine a world where man no longer existed, yet one where his former existence was evident in all the things he’d left behind. In this grey desolate landscape of rubbish I was starting to picture, a fox seemed like a natural protagonist. The fox has become a feature of our urban landscape and I felt this enigmatic creature would adapt well to a man-made environment.

‘Pandora’ was always a story of regeneration. Whenever I considered it, an image would pop into my head of a vast landscape of waste mountains that transformed into rolling hills at the turn of a page. Visually it felt like a satisfying conclusion and if I could figure out the catalyst for the change, it also told me how the story would end.

I searched for influences to fit this idea in the form of other stories, such as ‘Pandora’s Box’ and ‘Noah’s Ark’. Around this time, I also rediscovered a book of fairy tales from my childhood. In ‘The Nightingale’ by Hans Christian Andersen, an Emperor prefers the song of a mechanical bird to that of a real nightingale – only realising his mistake when he’s close to death. The story echoes the notion of mankind valuing material possessions over the natural world and added to the connections that were starting to form in my mind. Eventually these thoughts tumbled out onto a page in my sketchbook.

I came to picture book making through my love of drawing, and I still find creating a narrative an incredibly difficult process. By this stage I had an idea of the shape of the story but I didn’t know how it was going to fit into a 32-page format. In an effort to organise my thoughts, I started laying it out as thumbnails. In one of my early drafts, Pandora constructs a mechanical bird out of the objects she finds on the dump and the bird brings back seeds that transform her landscape. It seemed like a neat solution but I felt something was missing.

At the heart of all my stories is a search for something: a journey of self-discovery where the character finds the inner strength needed along the way. Pandora’s story only became clear when I realised, like the Emperor in ‘The Nightingale’, she wouldn’t be happy with an imitation of nature. She needed a real connection. Once I decided a wounded bird would come into Pandora’s world, the narrative fell into place much more easily.

I worked on the text and the illustrations simultaneously, adding corresponding text to my sequential drawings to show what was happening in each panel. The text reflects Pandora’s limited understanding of her world and serves to enhance her feelings of isolation. It changed very little from here to the final book.

I submitted the final storyboard alongside a couple of character sketches to my publisher and they liked the concept, so I was able to start work on the roughs. At this stage, compositions can easily change so I don’t like to invest too much time in the drawings. I try to keep them quite loose, so there’s still more for me to discover when creating the final artwork.

Sometimes a character just speaks to me in some way, and that’s how it was with Pandora. I really empathised with this little fox and I wanted that feeling to come across in the drawings.

I thought Pandora should look small and vulnerable in relation to the environment, so I proportioned her like a child and put her in a dress that allowed her tail to poke out from underneath. I also liked the way her markings gave the appearance that she was wearing socks. When I draw, I’m often looking for something elusive, a feeling I get when I know it’s right. It usually takes many failed attempts but it’s exhilarating when it happens.

I felt emotionally invested in telling this story and I wanted to do that as best as I could. My concern was that setting a picture book on a rubbish dump could potentially feel a little depressing. I also much prefer to draw natural forms than man-made objects but there was nothing I could do to avoid it here. So just as Pandora manages to bring beauty into her imperfect world, I endeavored to find little things of interest to love as I created the pictures.

My first step was to go to various London museums to photograph all the things that seemed to belong in this world I was creating. I wanted it to look alien yet familiar, so I tried to choose objects that reflected this. My hope was by introducing lots of detail, the reader would be forced to stop and consider the environment. But as a consequence, it also made me consider the areas of white space and how important it was for the book to work as a whole.

I try to adapt my technique to each narrative. For this book, I knew I wanted very little colour in the initial pages, with gradually more colour creeping in as the story progresses and as nature prevails. In an effort to preserve the spontaneity of my original sketches, I scanned and printed out my pencil drawings onto thick paper. These line drawings were then coloured with a combination of graphite pencil, coloured pencil, pastel and linseed oil. Creating the artwork by hand is quite a laborious process, and after straining my arm, I struggled to complete the final few spreads. But I think in the end it was worth it.

For me, ‘Pandora’ is a story of hope and humanity. Even though man doesn’t appear in the book, he is always present. Children have an innate sense of wonder and curiosity in the natural world, but it’s easy to lose that connection as we grow older. I hope the reader takes from this book the knowledge that they can affect their own story, and the story of the world they inhabit.

Illustrations © Victoria Turnbull.

Buy this picturebook

Pandora

Victoria Turnbull

Frances Lincoln, United Kingdom, 2016

Pandora lives alone in a land of broken things. She makes herself a handsome home from all that people had left behind, but no one ever comes to visit. One day, a bird with a broken wing falls from the sky. Pandora nurses the bird back to health, and it begins to fly away each day, bringing back seeds and small plants. When the bird stops coming, Pandora is heartbroken. But day by day, things begin to grow...

A beautiful tale of hope and regeneration.

English: Frances Lincoln (UK) — Houghton Mifflin Harcourt (USA)

German: Bohem Press

Dutch: Clavis

Chinese (Simplified): Beijing Green Beans Book

[helloworlddemo1122-yahoopar-blog]

Bryce Dallas Howard on Fertility Struggles and How a New Zealand Healer Helped Her Conceive (Exclusive)

Bryce Dallas Howard was just 5 when she awoke in Queenstown, New Zealand, and gazed out enormous windows into a stunning, awe-inspiring vista. Accompanying her father, director Ron Howard, while he filmed Willow, she was wowed by her first glimpse into a world outside her American homeland, and the powerful moment would stay with her for years to come. But little did the wide-eyed youngster realize that the nation would one day have a profound impact on her journey into motherhood.

In a revealing new interview with ET, the Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom star is opening up about the health struggles she faced in her 20s and how the country helped her start a family, find solace and make a life-changing decision to leave Hollywood.

Born in Los Angeles to director Ron Howard and writer Cheryl Alley, Howard was educated on the East Coast, going to school in Connecticut and New York and later attending New York University's Tisch School of the Arts. She eventually returned to Los Angeles after her film career took off following her debut in 2004’s The Village.

It was at New York University where she met actor Seth Gabel, whom she would date for five years before the two got married in 2006. Soon after getting engaged, the couple found themselves facing major hurdles with their family dreams. “I was really struggling and having some challenges,” Howard says. “I learned that I was going to need minor surgery in order to conceive. Then my friend had an appointment with a New Zealand man, Papa Joe, who would come over once a year and stay in this incredible house in Topanga Canyon, where he and his folks would heal people. I was sharing my woes with my friend and she said, ‘They’re leaving tomorrow, you should take my appointment!’”

The late Maori elder was a well-respected healer who traveled throughout the U.S. and Europe helping people and released a book in 2006 about his spiritual methods. Howard took the opportunity, but walked in with doubts about how much his practices could help her. Yet, within seconds of arriving, she recalls feeling the “powerful” nature of his practice.

“Instantly, without me saying anything, he saw what was going on and explained the situation,” Howard recalls. “He did very physical, rigorous body work, and there was a midwife there who helped me breathe through the experience.”

Howard and Gabel married on June 17, and seven days later, Howard learned she was pregnant. “We weren’t even trying! His session healed me completely,” she says.

Shortly afterward, Howard attended her first midwife appointment and noticed a photo of Papa Joe on the wall, only to find out that he had died six months earlier. “I was so grateful that I got to be a part of that last group of people who were treated by him. I’ve always felt a great amount of indebtedness and thankfulness,” Howard says, revealing that when she returned to New Zealand 30 years after her first visit to film Pete’s Dragon, “I kept thinking, ‘I would love to visit the group to say thank you, even though Papa Joe is gone.’”

While staying at the Treetops Lodge in Rotorua for her 34th birthday, Howard, now a mother of two, signed up to get a Romiromi massage, a holistic Maori body treatment. “I was telling the Maori gentleman my story, and as soon as I said, ‘Papa Joe,’ he just lit up and went, ‘My teacher!’” she recalls. It turned out that Papa Joe had trained him. “It’s funny how I was 24 when he treated me and this encounter was on my 34th birthday, 10 years later.”

While Howard is eternally grateful for the healing rituals of the country’s native Maori people, her joy was temporarily jolted to a halt with the unexpected turbulence that swept through her life after welcoming her son, Theo, in 2007. The Black Mirror star has openly discussed her battle with severe post-natal depression and, in a blog written for Goop  in 2010, she shared how she “heaved uncontrollable sobs,” referred to her newborn as “it,” greeted Gabel with expletive-filled outbursts and frequently broke down in the shower during her first 18 months of motherhood.

Reflecting on the emotional roller coaster and irony of having struggled on her path to having a baby, only to plunge into depression once she did, Howard says she frequently felt like her mind was playing tricks on her. “It was the worst! You think the one thing you’re going to be able to control in life, to a certain extent, is your own feelings, especially when it’s so obvious what you should feel. But all of a sudden, I went through this experience, which was truly chemical. It absolutely changed everything, and it’s just horrifying. It’s like your heart, your body and your mind are ripped apart and it takes a while to piece it back together.”

Eventually, a homeopathic treatment plan, a mothers’ group and Brooke Shields’ memoir Down Came the Rain: My Journey Through Postpartum Depression helped her recover. “It’s been a journey, but I’m really lucky because I had a second pregnancy [with daughter, Beatrice] where I didn’t experience that, so that was also very healing for me,” Howard says.

The biggest lesson from the ordeal has been to give herself timeouts. “When I think back about what I would have done differently [while suffering with PND], I would have given myself time and space to be alone and process and have some perspective, whether that’s 10 minutes in the bathroom -- well, it shouldn’t just be 10 minutes in the bathroom, but that’s what it ends up being!” Howard says.

Bryce Dallas Howard seen in front of the Tāne Mahuta, a giant kauri tree in the Waipoua Forest of New Zealand.

Julian Apse

“In a way, that’s what New Zealand has felt like for me and for a lot of people I talk to,” continues the actress, who was named New Zealand Tourism Ambassador to the United States and Canada in 2017. “You get that moment to step out of the fray, good or bad, and be in a place where you’re nurtured, replenished and brought back to your center. Every single time I’ve gone there, I’ve felt totally restored. It’s a very healing part of the world and there’s just a lot of people who live there who are very happy -- and that’s infectious!”

It was while living in dreamy spots like Mount Maunganui, during filming of Pete’s Dragon, that Howard started noticing a shift in her children, which instigated her and Gabel’s recent decision to leave Hollywood. Theo was almost 7 and Beatrice was 3 when the family left behind a Californian winter to wake up to summer in the South Pacific. “Right off the bat, the kids were like, ‘What kind of magic is happening here?’”

Quickly becoming immersed in Kiwi life, the impact of their new environment became evident as the family settled into their new seaside home, where the children soaked up “tropical summer living,” and attended a local school. The family relocated to a farm in the South Island town of Tapanui, near Dunedin, where they reveled in country life and relished every inch of expansive open spaces.

Having spent her childhood running around the woods of Connecticut, Howard was frequently sentimental about her own youth. “Both environments we lived in were very different, yet the similarity was that connection to nature and that sense of being in a sanctuary. They just became wild, happy, fulfilled kids, who were tired and dirty at the end of the day. It sounds overly simplistic, but I felt that they were safe -- so then they felt safe. And that feeling really empowered them as young people to explore, have adventures, walk a little further out of the yard than they normally would, climb a tree and follow through with curiosity.”

With her kids being closer to nature than they had ever been before, Howard encouraged them to be free. “It woke them up and made them excited to go outside,” she says. “That’s something they haven’t let go of, and seeing them in that environment hugely inspired us to move out into the country, because I saw how much they blossomed.” Now back in the United States, the family left Los Angeles for upstate New York, where they’re now living in the countryside.

Of course, it’s the dinosaurs stomping into theaters in June that many fans are most excited about, and having reprised her role as Claire in Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, Howard promises the film will wow in a way the franchise never has before. “There’s something happening on Isla Nublar putting all the dinosaurs’ lives in jeopardy and Claire and Owen go to save them. The story really goes in a direction where the franchise has never gone before -- ultimately, taking these dinosaurs off the island.”

While she's tight-lipped about plot details, Howard did admit that Claire is sporting more appropriate footwear in the new installment, which is even better for outrunning dinosaurs. But what really prepared the actress for all that intense filming and dino-chasing were extensive hikes in New Zealand. “My favorite active thing to do is to hike. It’s not just about keeping fit and preparing for the film; for me, it’s also about de-stressing. When I’m hiking, it gets me back to a very grounded, healthy, centered place,” Howard says.

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[jess-oh]

Reflection

“But even if you should suffer for righteousness’ sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear, nor be troubled but in your hearts, honor Christ the Lord as holy. Always being ready to give a defense to anyone who asks you for the hope that is in you; yet do this with gentleness and respect. So that, when others slander you and revile your good behavior in Christ, you may put them to shame. For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that should be God’s will, than for doing evil.” - 1 Peter 3:14-17

Actual passage ESV:

14 But even if you should suffer for righteousness' sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled, 15 but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, 16 having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame. 17 For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that should be God's will, than for doing evil.

I’m getting closer! I’m still processing the lock-in I think but I have a much brighter view of the future. I’m learning a lot about myself and God and how to best serve the Kingdom. I actually went to bed last night before midnight and I was pretty dang proud of myself. I woke up fairly early today, took a shower, and headed to Jason’s car outside of the Dwight with Angela and Dana. When we got to church, I immediately made a B-line for the kitchen in order to do the dishes that we failed to do last night. I do think a part of me was expecting the ahjummas to thank me for doing both our dishes and their while I was doing them but they didn’t say anything at all. These feeling were soon dispersed when I was finishing up, Pastor Josh rushed in, and they started scolding him. And I felt so bad. I almost wanted to cry because I felt so bad. And I tried explaining to him that it was my fault and when he tried to reassure me that it was fine bc we were all tired anyway, I revealed that I did remember and try to do it but Pastor William stopped me and told me to join the other college students but honestly, I wasn’t even really hungry and while I am glad that I got to share my experience with everyone, I wish i didn’t. I wish Pastor Josh didn’t have to take the fall for my mistakes. And I could blame it on the rest of my team but ultimately, the cooking committee was my responsibility and I have to take ownership of that and Pastor Josh didn’t do anything wrong. I hope it didn’t sound like I was blaming Pastor William for making me leave because I wasn’t. I was blaming myself for not just doing it when I had the chance. So when I did finish up, I rushed into the main sanctuary for service and in a moment, I decided to sit by myself instead of with the other college students. I just kind of wanted time to myself. I later realized that Jason was sitting pretty close to me when we made eye contact during the service but I did my best not to think about him. I only looked toward him maybe three times but did my best to stay vigilant and focus on the sermon and my notes. And it was a great decision. I prayed and recentered my heart around God and when we were encouraged to speak to our neighbors, I rushed over to the guy in front of me to say it and he laughed and smiled at my enthusiasm. It was nice. I wanted to ask him for his name after the service but he left pretty fast. I’m guessing he had some things to do. I keep complaining about how I don’t have a lot of opportunities to talk to other people in the church bc I’m restricted to Movement but that’s just not true. Because I was sitting more towards the back today, I got to the cafeteria faster and thus, was the first to sit. I assumed other people would eventually join me but when other people outside of the college ministry decided to sit with my instead, I didn’t reject them. The first was a boy I smiled at. His name is John and he’s in 7th grade. He went to 8 churches before Lakeview due to bullying and when I pressed him for information, he didn’t want to talk about it which is understandable. He soon left, probably to find his friends and to get rid of the uncomfortable atmosphere. The next girl that sat next to me nervously approached my table before I invited her to sit. I actually don’t remember her name. I think it started with an “M” but she’s 26(?) years old and from Columbia. She came to Chicago to study on a foreign exchange program and recently graduated. She’s been here for about 8 months so she has 4 months left and it was just really nice getting to talk to her. Then Dana saw me and joined and listened in on the conversation as well. The next man to sit was Mike. He’s definitely a dad and appreciated my spaghetti regretti shirt. He has a daughter named Myra(?) and she was so cute and he talked about how his humor has gotten a lot cheesier since becoming a dad. Then Jason and P. Josh joined me for lunch and questioned why I was sitting where I was and I simply said, “Why not?” and they joined me and it was so nice to be with a few familiar faces. We all engaged into our own separate conversations from and it really felt like we were the church instead of being at church. I saw John pass by and felt bad that his seat got taken by Jason but he simply walked away. I’m hoping to find him again next Sunday or via social media and reach out to him and get to know him on a deeper level and really share God’s heart and love with him. Jason and I then faded out so that we could work on reimbursements and ran into Esther on the way. It was pretty lighthearted and Jason seemed to be in a much better mood today than yesterday. Oh, on the way to church today, I asked him and Angela about what they plan on doing post-lockin and how they’re going to utilize what they’ve learned. Jason said something along the lines of really loving others and didn’t want to go into detail so I’m assuming it’s something personal and didn’t want to push him into it too much. I later asked Angela and she said that it’s really hard for her to love others, especially when they’ve wronged her in the past, but she wants to work on learning to love and make active efforts towards that. But back to post service! So Jason and I did reimbursements and then we headed back to the MPR to sit with everyone again. He became to mother pigeon as little kids swarmed him for candy. Eunice and I helped out too and I did feel a bit out of place but it was nice to see all their faces and how happy they looked. Then we bumped into one of the ladies from the panel yesterday and introduced ourselves and when she asked Eunice for her skills, I mentioned how she’s a dancer and Eunice got super embarrassed and lightly pushed me. Once the lady started pressing us to become teachers for the electives, I playfully said that I realized why Eunice didn’t want me to say anything and started “running away.” Once they started talking about VBS and Eunice mentioned how she’ll be back home for the summer, I jumped in and talked about how I’ll be here and how much I love VBS and body worship. Tbh, I didn’t really want to talk to her bc she was really in the answers she gave yesterday. I’m pretty sure she knows that I’m the one that asked about 2/3 relationship questions, lol. I wonder how her perception of me will change after she does. But she mentioned how I’m an answer to her prayers and we talked about exactly what my job would entail and how I could best serve and what she needed me to do. Once she found out what school I went to, she talked about how this game named Chris Helzenga(?) is teaching a class and encouraged students to study three nonprofits and I asked her for more information bc I’m actually really interested in the nonprofit world and want to get more involved with it. She also asked about how our discussion later went and I mentioned how a lot of people related to Elder Jisu’s story about forgiveness and how we all have some burden and weight within our own hearts and realized that we needed to let go of it. Which was true. About three people related to it and a lot more got involved with the conversation. I think it was a totally valid statement. After that, I decided to sit down and play with the kids some more. When I saw a group of girls playing with the balloons, I asked to see one of the faces and complimented her skills. And then I turned it and it said, “I hate you” and when I asked why, she said because they were going to pop the balloon outside. As soon as I saw a blank balloon, I whipped out my sharpie and drew a sad face since they were going to destroy it and they excitedly asked me to draw a different face on each of their balloons. Eventually, they just took the sharpie away from me and went crazy with it but I didn’t mind. I let them be. I thought about scolding them but no one was actually getting hurt so I assumed it was fine. When I saw Angela and knew it was time to leave, I started asking for my sharpie back. Then I found out we couldn’t find Jason so I just rejoined my old table. Only Mike and P. Josh remained and were in a pretty intense conversation so I just sat in my old seat, looked at my phone, and waited until we found Jason and it was time to leave. He had been working on encouragement notes for everyone. I guess they’re due next week and I’m thinking of rewriting a few bc they were pretty lame in the moment. I’m excited to see what he writes for me. We’ve been getting a lot closer this semester so I want to know how his perception of me has changed. 

Now onto the ride home!

It was pretty quiet at first but I didn’t mind. I just zoned out for a while. Then I started talking to Claire about homework and graphic design related things and future careers and travels. While we talked, I heard Angela and Jason start talking and I was lowkey really interested in what they were saying so I listened in but I also felt bad for not paying attention to Claire and she could obviously tell so I did my best to come back to my conversation with her. It was actually really interesting and I did enjoy talking to Claire about everything. I talked about how I want to work with nonprofits in the future since no one is there for the money and it is still a livable salary and how I don’t need that much money to be happy. She tried to interrupt me a few times but eventually I got my point across and she understood. We talked a bit about personality types and how Claire and Angela are both an INFJ while I’m an INTJ and mentioned how obviously, some personality types may be better in some circumstances. Like an ISTJ would probably hate being a counselor. But overall, since she’s an advocate, she can still use her personality type to her advantage. She can better reason with her clients which was interesting to her. I’m excited to see her again on Friday for life group and I’m hoping that Dana can come too. 

When I got home, it was only 2pm and I was still in a good mood and could have done homework but I decided to catch up on a few shows instead and then I took a nap for a bit. Then I ate subway, did my laundry, caught up with Emily, and now I’m here in the lobby, ready to do my homework. Kind of. Loren wants to talk to me so I’m gonna do that and I am excited to share my experience at the lock in with her and encourage her to go to church in order to have that relationship with Christ and not for the sake of going to church. 

Oh, before I end this. We sang “Lay Me Down” and I felt the joy of the Lord and it’s playing on my Spotify now and it’s just so encouraging!!!

I’m so excited for what this year will bring. 

And finally, I’m still trying to assess where my relationship with Andrew is right now. Last night, I muted our chat with him and Sofia. I did snapchat him today to keep up our streak but I don’t think we’ll be talking for a few days. We’ll see if he messages me and what he says and we’ll see if I respond from there. I don’t know if he’ll think I’m mad at him or if I’m just busy. He’s probably just gonna think I’m busy but... we’ll see how long it takes until he realizes that something else is wrong. And even right now, I don’t know what to do. I do still think I want to ask Jason about what I should do. Since he’s a Vietnamese boy that was kind of a Buddhist but not really and that’s how Andrew is too. And I want to know how to best reach out to Andrew and bring him to Christ. For his own sake and not my own. I would love to keep him as a friend but I do really crave friendships where I feel like I can really tell them anything. Including my beliefs. So, we’ll see how it goes from here. 

[callmehawkeye]

Watched in 2018

The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story (Season 1): I didn’t expect to adore this as much as I did. Everyone knocked their roles out of the park. Crushes for dayyyyys.

The Keepers (2017): A serial documentary about the unsolved murder of Sister Cathy Cesnik and the most-likely possible connection of systematic abuse at the Catholic school she taught at.

Mindhunter (Season 1): Dramatization of the FBI in the late ‘70s as the Behavioral Science Unit developed their profiling and understanding of serial killers.

Roots (1977): I remember watching a bit of this mini-series in middle school and needing a signed permission slip. But that’s the extent of it. Happy I finally got a chance to watch it all the way through.

All the Money in the World (2017): Gorgeous film, noteworthy performances. I’m happy to give my money to a filmmaker who made a decision not many would try. I respect Scott a whole lot more now.

Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey (Season 1): The show’s budget is bananas and I love everything about it. SCIENCE RULES.

Proud Mary (2018): I found the trailer to be rather misleading in that I didn’t exactly get what I paid for. The genre was definitely more drama than action and Taraji was great, although I wished she had more screen time instead of the focus being on tired plot points and themes.

Mary and the Witch’s Flower (2018): More witchy cartoons, please. This was delightful.

Bill Nye Saves the World (Season 1): BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL!

Bill Nye Saves the World (Season 2.1): I can’t believe how good this is. It’s so open-minded and clever and validating.

The Watcher in the Woods (2017): The remake certainly isn’t as good as the original; it strips away too much of the mystery. But please cast Anjelica Huston in more projects, please please please. She’s still so captivating. 

Luke Cage (Season 1): I feel like Mahershala Ali is what mostly held my attention......... And then.........

Lowriders (2016): I had an opinion about this, I’m sure. But I don’t remember this movie at all now.

Human Planet (Mini-Series): BBC docuseries about how people adjust to their natural environments.

 Maria Bamford: The Special Special Special (2014): Maria’s slow return to standup by performing in her parents’ living room.

Los Angeles Plays Itself (2003): In-depth documentary of Los Angeles’ place in film history.

Maria Bamford: Old Baby (2017): Maria’s latest standup special that begins in front of the mirror, progresses to a small backyard crowd, and evolves to a full theater set.

Black Panther (2018): WAKANDA FOREVER!!! This better get some recognition come awards season for the visuals.

Chris Rock: Tamborine (2018): Some of his jokes fall flat, but he’s still engaging and it’s good to see Rock on stage again.

Queer Eye (Season 1): I have done nothing good enough in my life to deserve the wholesome goodness of this show.

Annihilation (2018): It’s not perfect, but not deserving of the backlash it got from its own studio. This was a perfect, immersive sci-fi thriller on par for me as the likes of Alien.

The Killing of America (1981): The brutal, graphic documenting of America’s violence problem in a condensed timeframe starting with the JFK assassination and ending on the murder of John Lennon.

A Wrinkle in Time (2018): There are many intricacies from the novel that I disagree with being excluded from this film adaptation. HOWEVER. It made me feel all the same feelings I did from when I first read the book as a child. I ADORED it.

Pacific Rim Uprising (2018): Okay. Buckle in. I have a lot of feelings to the point where I’m updating my film list of the year immediately afterwards and not waiting to stack up a good amount of viewings to justify an update. It was horrible. Third time in my life I ever walked out of a theater. Second time I’ve ever asked for a refund from a movie theater in my life. I don’t know why I’m so righteously disappointed. I didn’t expect it to have Guillermo’s direction nor heart; but it so thoroughly missed the mark I can already say in mid-March that it’s my biggest disappointment of the year. It was void of any charm the original had, took its faults that I recognized and viewed and magnified it by a trillion. It felt like an unfinished television pilot. DIAF.

Ready Player One (2018): Spielberg tried his best to make a better version of the novel, but it just felt soulless.

A Quiet Place (2018): One of the better horror movies I’ve seen in some time. I’m so proud of John Krasinski.

Love, Simon (2018): This was such a solid romantic comedy, I can’t even find a way to summarize it.

A Series of Unfortunate Events (Season 2): The best original series Netflix has. Don’t @ me.

The Family I Had (2017): The true recounting of a mother whose 13 year old son killed his 3 year old sister.

Genie: Secret of the Wild Child (1997): Documentary of the alias-named child Genie who was isolated and uncared for, for 13 years by her parents.

Rampage (2018): Delightfully stupid, but made me realize I can never go to an IMAX screening again because it was just like having someone shriek in my ear for two hours.

Isle of Dogs (2018): So beautiful, sweet, and heart-warming. 

Welcome to Leith (2015): Unenlightened hypocrisy at its finest -- white supremacists try to make a small town their sanctuary only to be aghast no one wants them there.

The Avengers: Infinity War (2018): In typical Marvel Avengers films fashion (this is a comment excluding the standalone character films -- not Civil War, please, they stole Captain’s movie from him), it’s over-bloated and the good sum of its parts does not a good movie make.

The Americans (Season 1): I’ve forgotten to add this.

The Americans (Season 2): I marathoned everything.

The Americans (Season 3): To make it to the season 6 premiere in time.

The Americans (Season 4): It was great.

The Americans (Season 5): And then season 6 happened.

John Mulaney: Kid Gorgeous: The most relatable standup I’ve ever seen and now quote daily.

Billy Nye Saves the World (Season 3): BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL!

Evil Genius (2018): Docu-series about the murder of Brian Wells, also known as the collar bomb case.

Deadpool 2 (2018): It’s not better than the first one, but it was a breath of fresh air in the superhero fatigue I’m in.

Born in China (2017): Nature documentary focusing on some of China’s most famous animals, narrated by my boo John Krasinski.

Death Becomes Her (1992): Ridiculous and good camp.

The Girl Can’t Help It (1956): A fairly good fluff film about the entertainment industry with a solid fucking soundtrack.

Bell, Book, and Candle (1958): My aesthetic.

Near Dark (1987): A refreshingly different vampire movie with Bill Paxton shining in the center of it all.

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (Season 4): I wish this entire show was just Titus.

Chef’s Table (Season 1): Glorious, glorious food and the methods of the people who make it.

Chef’s Table (Season 2): I can’t get enough of this series. But it just makes me sad none of these restaurants are down the street from me.

Chef’s Table (Season 3): This season includes Jeong Kwan. And I would die for her.

Arrested Development (Season 5): Sigh. I guess this is fine.

Ocean’s 8 (2018): Not my favorite heist movie. Not gay enough. Still a decent sit.

The Staircase (2018): The docu-series returned this year with new episodes. It’s a very back and forth issue for me.

Queer Eye (Season 2): This is the only show that matters anymore.

The Incredibles 2 (2018): Not a bad sequel. Very entertaining and I laughed a lot. Not a lot of the usual Pixar emotion, however.

Carmen Esposito: Rape Jokes (2018): I haven’t had a cathartic laugh this good since Tig Notaro’s Live.

Chef’s Table (Season 4): I’m crying because it’s all so beautiful.

Won’t You Be My Neighbor? (2018): I cried throughout this entire, lovely, tender-hearted documentary about a perfect man.

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018): I left in the last 20 minutes to get an alcoholic beverage and didn’t return because fuck it, I was so damn bored.

A Star is Born (1976): Eh, at least we got Evergreen out of this.

Gaga: Five Foot Two (2017): This revitalized my respect for the woman.

Breathless (1960): I can see how this was so influential. Very romantic and wonderful outfits.

Tag (2018): I laughed so hard, and I haven’t enjoy a straight-up recently released comedy in so long.

Let No Man Write My Epitaph (1960): Can’t lie, at the 40 minute mark, I couldn’t believe there was another full hour of this slog left and turned it off.

Nailed It (Season 1): Comedic genius.

Nailed It (Season 2): Let Nicole Byers host everything.

Black Sunday (1960): May I present to you, my new favorite movie. It has everything I need.

Murder on the Orient Express (1974): Wow. Wow wow wow. Why did they remake this movie? This version was perfect and so, so superior in every way. I think I cried at one point?

Häxan: Witchcraft Through the Ages (1922): A documentary with excellent reenactments that made me think, “How’d this get past the Hays’ Code?!!?” before realizing it was an import.

Whitney (2018): Documentary about the woman herself with the people who were there with her through it all. I’m shocked by some of the things people admitted to on-camera and that they got Bobby to say anything at all. Denial runs deep. It was excellent to see her live shows on the big screen.

The Vietnam War (2017): An 18-hour documentary series that follows every year and major milestone of the war. Very bipartisan, honest, and I learned a lot.

Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018): Legitimately entertaining and a great refresh from Infinity War (which I hated).

The Witches (1966): Joan Fontaine is in the midst of a small-town conspiracy when she moves in as the new school teacher. Spoiler! The answer is the occult.

Jim Jefferies: This is Me Now (2018): Not bad, but didn’t encourage me to find another of his specials. It’s fine.

Hannah Gadsby: Nanette (2018): Challenge the form more!! This was so inspiring.

Growing Up Wild (2016): Disneynature division really needs new footage. Daveed Diggs was at least a great narration choice.

Sorry to Bother You (2018): Not at all what I was expecting -- although I did expect to like it and that was indeed met. I want to tell you nothing. Go in blind.

Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation (2018): How do these movies continue to be the best thing Sandler is attached to in near a decade?? They honestly retain the level of quality film to film. I love it all.

Iliza Shlesinger: Elder Millennial (2018): I cried I laughed so hard.

Paint Your Wagon (1969): Clint Eastwood singing!! Polyamorous cowboys!!

Mission: Impossible -- Fallout (2018): I want more action movies like this. The stunts and fights were just so beautiful. I can’t express how great this movie is and how well it works in the genre. I wish there were more like this.

Eighth Grade (2018): One of the more honest teenage-centric films about being a teenager in recent memory. So cathartic. So proud of Bo Burnham.

Grace and Frankie (Season 1): I literally love everyone more in this entire cast.

Grace and Frankie (Season 2): Powering through because I’m still waiting for my shows to come back and I’m watching it between episode breaks from Black Mirror to lighten my mood.

Dark Tourist (Season 1): It’s horrifying in about 40% of the cases for me; but god does it make me want to travel again.

The Meg (2018): Do you want to see Jason Statham fight a fuckign shark?! Of course you do. This was genuinely a fun film to watch.

BlacKkKlansman (2018): Spike Lee’s best in years. Beautiful filmmaking.

Crazy Rich Asians (2018): I loved this so goddamn much. This is what a good romantic comedy looks like. More like this, please, Hollywood. Romcoms can be good, respected, and worthy of praise if the effort is there!!

Black Mirror (Series 1): Well, shit. The first episode was overhyped to me but overall, I’m not disappointed in waiting so long to finally start this.

Black Mirror (Series 2): This show is fucking addictive.

Grace and Frankie (Season 3): This show is so pure and funny.

Black Mirror (Series 3): Contains my favorite episode I’ve ever watched of anything ever. 

Black Mirror (Series 4): Give. Me. Mooooore!!!

Sylvia Plath: Inside The Bell Jar (2018): A short documentary about Plath’s life surrounding her writing of her famous book.

Destination Wedding (2018): Two of my favorite people act out what is quite possibly what would be designed to be my life were it suddenly a romantic comedy. Love is stupid! I’m a cynic and happy in my cynicism! ...BUUUUT.

Searching (2018): This is like a very well-done, well-acted, well-budgeted ID channel original movie. I had a great time watching it.

Grace and Frankie (Season 4): I hope I have as much game as Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin do when I’m their age.

Black Narcissus (1947): Absolutely beautiful technicolor and impending dread. But then BOOM! 1940s blackface.

Night of the Eagle (1962): Delightfully bizarre.

Slice (2018): Modern B movie. I loved the concept more than the execution: I loved the ensemble so much, but they somehow didn’t have enough of any of them in it.

Leave Her to Heaven (1945): The Original Amazing Amy!

A Simple Favor (2018): I am so excited about how unexpectedly fun, entertaining, and even compelling this film was.

Sharp Objects (Mini-Series): A tough, but addicting sit. I watched the entire series in one go.

Strong Enough to Break (2006): The behind the scenes documentary of Hanson being put on hold by their record company for a three-year span which lead to frustrations and the eventual formation of their independent company.

Bad Times at the El Royale (2018): This movie wasn’t bad. But I feel like I’ve seen and read better takes on this type of story/stories before.

The Bitter Tears of Petra von Kant (1972): Harold, they’re lesbians. 

RBG (2018): An awe-inspiring individual receiving the documentary she deserves.

White Zombie (1932): Bela Lugosi puts a voodoo curse on Madge Bellamy. 

Castle Rock (Season 1): I sincerely hope this is a sign of the times that the success of IT is going to bring about more and more Stephen King-inspired media.

The Haunting of Hill House (Season 1): Please please PLEASE don’t do a second season. This was so cathartic and splendid on its own.

The Mummy (1932): I grew up with the Brendan Fraser one, but this was just delightful.

The Curious Creations of Christine McConnell (Season 1): Quite possibly my favorite tv watch of the year.

Love, Gilda (2018): Documentary taking a look at the life of Gilda Radner with lots of lovely, private home videos. My favorites were of her and Gene together.

The Exorcist (1973): Yes. My first time watching it from beginning to end and in full. It’s an entertaining sit for the acting and practical effects!

Hush (2016): I already ranted about this on my Twitter, but god this was patronizing and horribly cast. It had such potential so it was vastly disappointing. 

Dog Soldiers (2002): This is the perfect example of how if I’m told the ending, I just don’t find any enjoyment in watching it. Sigh.

Ghost Stories (2017): And this is the perfect example that if you overdo the slow burn, I’m going to pull up the film’s Wikipedia summary and spoil myself so I don’t have to sit through it anymore.

Fahrenheit 451 (2018): It’s too bad this wasn’t good. Lost a lot of its nuance. 

Halloween (2018): THIS IS EVERYTHING I WANT OUT OF A HORROR MOVIE/SEQUEL. I LOVED EVERYTHING. I LOVED EVERYONE. I LOVE YOU SO DAMN MUCH, JAMIE LEE CURTIS.

Like Father (2018): The only good part was the acting in the scene between Kristen Bell and Kelsey Grammer at the waterfall. The rest was just an obvious 1990s script dusted off. Complete with minority stereotypes that have nothing better to do with their lives than to help the poor, messy white girl.

To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018): I always get so, super excited when I find a good romantic comedy. This is wholesome, relies on clichés but makes them its own, has wonderful characters played by great actors, and I cannot wait for the sequel.

Solo (2018): Forgettable.

Suspiria (2018): It had a rocky start, but I believe this very well could make my end of the year list. I adored 94% of it.

Corrina, Corrina (1994): They should have leaned into the romance more.

Bonjour Tristesse (1958): GOD Jean Seberg was GORGEOUS. 

Jane the Virgin (Season 1): I finally got spoiled by something pretty big, so I gave up not searching the tags for this show and putting these out of sequence -- I love this show. It’s right up there for me with Parks and Recreation, The Office, Parks and Recreation, and Brooklyn Nine-Nine. There is no character I dislike unless specifically, unequivocally written for me to. It’s so engaging and charming and hits all of my requisites to be loyal to a show ‘til the end.

Jane the Virgin (Season 2): Team Michael and trying to catch up before the final season premieres.

Nailed It! Holiday! (2018): God I’m crying with laughter. Nicole Byer should be so much more famous.

Jane the Virgin (Season 3): Almost caught up and loving it!

On the Basis of Sex (2018): My favorite movie to see on Christmas. Well acted. Well paced. Loved RBG’s cameo at the end. I think it was a great depiction.

Mary Poppins Returns (2018): It was fun in the moment, but the more I sit with it, the less I remember of this movie -- much like the songs as soon as the next scene happened. It’s such a tall order to follow up Mary Poppins. Emily Blunt is dipped in gold as usual, but it’s sort of a middle tier installment in the new line of Disney remakes/reboots. Great dancing and spectacle. But just okay overall.

Creed II (2018): Now if you’re just gonna do the same thing over and over with new generations, this is how you do it. 

Widows (2018): My last movie of the year. Such great performances. I wish there was more to see with the female cast -- this would have been great as a limited series (such as the one it’s based on).

2017 | 2016 | 2015 | 2014