#not even iggy fucking koopa

[hana-bobo-finch]

I’m a survivor of being a young kid looking up images of my favorite characters on google

[askthekoopsandjr]

Iggy you like corn?

[freakartack]

more tons

Morton Koopa Jr. is a really good little guy actually a really good big guy. And just an aside but nobody making mario games right now has ANY idea what to do with him because prior to "lately" he'd been portrayed as a normal intelligent character but in a few of the newer games they keep making him inexplicably talk like a caveman and act stupid but HE'S NOT STUPID you're stupid. Anyways. Morton's claim to fame before they fucked that up was his BIG MOUTH which he uses to prattle on incessantly with his EXTENSIVE vocabulary. Unfortunately extensive. He's very talkative but he's also a slightly neurotic character so he talks even more when he's nervous which just creates a cycle. A lot of people think that the Jr. in his name is indicative of some long-lost Morton Koopa Sr., maybe bowser's late father, maybe the blue bowser in lost levels that mysteriously disappeared, but personally I think that there is no Morton Koopa Sr. and that Bowser really did just name him after Morton Downey Junior. Is often at the recieving end of roy telling him to shut up which is very unfortunate because morton really looks up to his big brother roy but once in a while roy will throw him a bone and they'll play nice together. Morton koopa jr thinks that yoshis are adorable and is very sad that they can't have a pet yoshi in the castle becayse iggy will flip his shit. He loves desert worlds but if he doesn't get dibs on desert he'll take a mountain region instead. I think he just likes rocks? Morton also really loves wedding cake. how he originally gained access to wedding cake i do not know because his father is terminally divorced to the point where he is divorced before even ever having married (a phenomenon i will now opt to call a "divortion") but he loves it regardless. Will also settle for birthday cake.

[perch-the-cat]

Chapter 2: The Apocalypse: Day 1, 9:37 pm

 By this time at least half of the people that went to the art exhibit were turned into zombies, including Ludwig and Morton. Iggy, Wendy, Roy, and Lemmy got a good distance from the building. They didn't know if the rest of their family survived or got zombified. The only thing on their minds was escape. The four of them eventually get to Castle Koopa's grounds.

 “If we get inside we can avoid these zombies! Come on!” Roy demanded as he led his siblings.

 Seemingly out of nowhere, there was an entire crowd of zombies standing in front of the entrance. Roy, Wendy, and Iggy stop in their tracks. Roy grabs Lemmy so he stops running. Lemmy realizes there are zombies and jumps behind Roy in fear.

 “How are we gonna get inside? They are blocking us off!” Wendy urgently asks Roy.

 “I guess we have ta run for it-” Roy responds, charging off like a football player barreling into the zombies knocking them over.

 “And I thought I was the crazy one” Iggy stands there watching Lemmy jump onto Wendy as they run through the zombies that are starting to stand back up again.

 Wendy and Lemmy get through the door and start shouting at Iggy to run for it. Yet Iggy just stands there, not being able to move. Just standing there zoned out. After a few seconds, Iggy snaps out of it.

 “Oh right, run…” Iggy stands there and the zombies slowly walk to him. Iggy takes a deep breath and tries to do what Roy did and attempts to charge through them.

 The zombies reach over and grab Iggy, forcing him down. Iggy manages to throw some off of him but there was one annoying koopa troopa zombie grabbing onto his arm, attempting to bite him. Iggy punches the zombie trying to get the zombie off. When hope seems lost and Iggy is about to get turned into a zombie, Roy, our knight in shining pink sunglasses jumps in between the zombie that is about to bite Iggy, chainsaw in hand, and cuts Iggy’s entire arm off. Iggy stares in horror as he sees his older brother completely amputate his arm as if Roy was using Iggy’s arm as a sacrifice to some sort of god (that god being the zombie). The blood gushing from Iggy’s torso where his arm would be, flowing on the ground.

 Roy was in time though, if he was even a second late, the zombie would’ve bit Iggy and turned him into a zombie. Roy yanks Iggy off the ground, throws him onto his shoulders, and carries him into the castle slamming the door shut. There were a few guards inside along with Wendy and Lemmy finding things to keep the door shut. Roy sets the traumatized Iggy onto the ground and helps with finding things to enclose the door.

 Iggy sits on the ground, looking at the empty space where his arm should be. The blood still flowing strong. Iggy takes all his energy into not screaming or crying in pain. It was agonizing horrible pain, especially since Iggy was looking at his wound.

 After a few more minutes the others got the door good and barricaded. Lemmy then rushes over to Iggy and hugs him, not caring that he’s getting his brother’s blood all over himself. Iggy weakly hugs Lemmy back with his one single arm.

 “Thank GOD you’re not a zombie, I don’t know what I’d do if you turned into one!!” Lemmy murmurs.

 “We should probably fix up your wound before it gets infected or something-” Wendy suggests.

 “We probably should,” A guard responds.

 Roy looks at Iggy, who seems to be zoned out… or dead, one of the two. Roy waves his arm in front of Iggy’s face and tries making some noises, getting more anxious when Iggy doesn’t respond.

 “Hey, bitch boy, wake the fuck up- IGNATIUS KOOPA, WAKE THE FUCK UP!” Roy shouts at Iggy while clapping to get his attention.

 Iggy finally stops zoning out and looks over at Roy, “What happened?”

 “We thought you died! Don’t zone out like that again Ignatius-” Roy looks over at Iggy giving him a look that makes him look unimpressed.

 “Sorry, I think the lack of blood from you cutting my arm off is getting to me, and you know I don’t like being called my full name!” Iggy irritatedly retorts.

 “SORRY! I didn’t know you wanted to be a fuckn zombie!” Roy sarcastically snaps back at Iggy.

 “Please stop arguing children,” Lemmy says trying to be the older brother he is.

 “Shut up, faggot!” Roy snaps at Lemmy. “You’re not a part of this!”

 “ROY THAT IS AN OFFENSIVE WORD!” Lemmy shouts at Roy.

 “OH FUCK YOU! I DON’T GIVE A SHIT, MIDGET!” Roy shouts more aggressively this time.

 Wendy pushes Roy away from Iggy and Lemmy, “Guys, stop fighting. This is a waste of time! We need to get to a secure place and the castle and help Iggy heal-”

 “UGH… I guess you're right!” Roy rolls his eyes and helps Iggy up.

 They walk to the little mini-hospital in the castle. A few guards start acting like nurses. They put Iggy on a bed and ushered him to sleep. The last thing He saw before his sleep was some guards, Lemmy, Wendy, and Roy with his glare towards him.

Beginning/Chapter 1/Chapter 3

[spikedsoul]

Can I please request a sequel to the small Drabble you wrote on Bowser meeting his future children, the Koopalings and Junior? Only this time they accidentally brought one more person on their mission, their baby sister. Who somehow snuck on the back of one of their shells, and she can’t even WALK yet. Quick no one tell Queen Mama! 🤣

((I'm super sorry this is so late😭hopefully this makes up for it......................................))

Bowser rubbed his face as he listened to those crazy koopa kids bickering outside his room. This was the second time they'd found him, once again claiming to be his kids from the future... yet there was still zero indication Peach would give it up... wait.

Didn't they tell him last time that he needed to give up on Peach? He would never! But it probably isn't a bad idea to just... y'know, keep looking, right? Not put all his eggs in one basket?

"I'm tellin' you the more we come back to this time, the more we risk actually fucking things up!" he heard Roy tell his siblings. Roy was the pushiest, the one most against these apparent missions, but Ludwig was the one in control of these little escapades.

"Ludwig is positive it'll eventually work," one of the twins replied. He wasn't sure if it was Lemmy or Iggy.

"What, just so the oaf is happier earlier in his life?" Roy muttered. "What if he doubles down on Peach? I'm tellin' you, any more than this will fuck things up!"

Bowser groaned quietly to himself; how the fuck was this happening? Randomass kids worrying about his happiness, telling him Princess Peach, the love of his life, is not actually the love of his life and to forget her instead... are they insane?! Maybe if he lies and says he'll lay off of this Peach thing, they'll go away...

A light touch to the top of his foot made him nearly jump out of his skin from the unexpectedness, but he froze the moment he looked down.

A tiny, redheaded human infant looked up at him from the floor, her little hands resting on his scaly foot.

"Papa!" she chirped happily, holding her arms up to be picked up.

Silence immediately fell on the other side of the door. He bent down, gingerly picking up the baby girl, and held her close; she wasted no time tucking against him like it was the most natural thing in the world. His mind reeled as he gazed down at her, utterly stunned that this fragile, tiny thing was... was his.

There was no denying that her hair was the same color as his, even the texture as he gently ran a finger over her soft head.

"Spitfire?" Wendy called.

The little baby made an affirmative sound and instantly Bowser knew how big the kids fucked up - there was copious swearing suddenly coming from the other side of the door.

...They accidentally let their baby sister join them. Were they dumb? What were they thinking?!

Bowser scowled and finally turned around, yanking his door open; the kids all wilted a little under his intense glare as he held Spitfire close to him.

"How irresponsible can ya get," he growled quietly at them; none of them could meet his gaze, even Roy who'd been against the idea from the start. "What if y'all left and this poor sweet girl in the wrong time, huh? Somethin' tells me you're gettin' lucky with these time shenanigans. Go home, and if y'all are tellin' me the gotdamn truth, expect some punishment!"

He was careful to keep his voice low so as not to upset the baby nestled happily against him. Despite the harsh warning, Junior boldly stepped forward and pointed at the bundle in Bowser's arms.

"Okay, but just know that her mother isn't Peach," the little look-a-like stated.

Bowser's gaze snapped down to the baby. Not from Peach, huh... okay, that was actually convincing. If giving Peach up meant he'd eventually get to meet this precious daughter of his, then absolutely he'd drop her like a fucking stone! A human daughter meant someone actually gave him the time of day... and enjoyed his company...

Spitfire sneezed softly into him, and he felt the unmistakable heat of fire singing his chest scales.

"Her mother will hear about this little escapade," he warned as he forced himself to hand her over to Wendy, who was hovering anxiously nearby.

"How?" Morton snorted, "You don't even know the woman yet!"

Bowser smirked dangerously at them as they gathered in the same area to go home. "Not yet... but you can bet I'll remember this little interaction later. So yes, I'll be tellin' her mother."

The last thing he saw before they disappeared was a bunch of pale, terrified faces, plus one happy baby making grabby hands at him.

They were so fucked when they got home with Little Red.

[bowser-is-the-best]

Bowser had headed out early today, Junior said he wanted to explore the island and who was he to say no to his son? The two were just going around route 8 near the Lush Jungle looking for anything interesting. Well it was more Junior was but Bowser was going along with his son.

Everything was normal until what sounded like a big branch, no a few branches, breaking came from nearby. Soon after came what sounded like a bunch of people yelling at each other, those voices sounded very familiar.

Junior seemed to have taken note of it too, immediately turning his attention away from whatever pretty rock he had found.

"What was that?", Junior asked looking towards the source of the sound.

"I don't know...", Bowser replied.

"Well then let's go find out!!!", Junior said as he began running towards where the sounds were coming from.

"Wait Junior-", Bowser tried telling his son not to go but before he could he was already gone.

The Koopa King simply followed behind his son to the source of the noise. As they got closer it was easier to hear the exact words that were being said and separate the voice better.

"I'M BEING SQUISHED HELP ME!!!", one very strained voice said.

"Excuse my language BUT WHOEVER IS SITTING ON MY TAIL GET THE FUCK OFF", Another one said, that particular phrasing and how it was said was very familiar to Bowser.

"SORRY BUT MAYBE IF ROY COULD GET OFF MY LEGS I COULD!!! NOT MY GODDAMN FAULT I CAN'T!!!", this voice was distinctly more feminine than the others.

"IT WASN'T MY CHOICE TO FALL ON TOP OF YOU WENDY!!!!"

Now that he thought about it, that did sound like Wendy. Oh fuck did this mean the rest of the Koopalings were here now?

Finally getting to the source of the yelling, yep that was a pile of kids alright. Junior had stopped nearby a tree, and his father joined him soon after. Bowser was still trying to figure out if these were in fact his other kids. He didn't have much time to think before another voice spoke right next to the two.

"Who are you two?", a small kid probably only a few years older than Junior with multicolored hair asked.

"AHHH!!", Junior exclaimed as he jumped into his father's arms.

Bowser was equally surprised as he caught Junior. This was probably Lemmy judging by the hair color, how'd he get out of the pile so fast?

"Uhhh...", Bowser didn't have a good response.

"WAIT WHERE'D LEMMY GO?!", one of the people from the pile, which was no longer a pile, exclaimed.

"HI I'M OVER HERE! THERE ARE TWO WEIRDOS HERE AS WELL!", Lemmy replied pointing and Bowser and Junior.

The other seven people that were other there looked over at the two. They definitely reminded the Koopa King of his kids and Kamek.

"Hi?", Bowser said, not knowing what to do now, as he put Junior back down.

The person who Bowser assumed was probably Kamek took a long look at the two before seeming to recognize them.

"Your Surliness, is that you?", Kamek asked

"It's nice to see you again Kamek...", Bowser replied trying not be be awkward.

All the Koopalings looked over at Bowser and Junior with wide eyes.

"WAIT THAT'S KING DAD?!", Larry asked.

"It makes sense if you ask me, we were turned to humans, well mostly human, upon arrival I wouldn't see why he and Junior wouldn't as well.", Ludwig responded.

The twins Larry and Iggy didn't even wait another second before running up to Bowser and just hugging him.

"YOU'RE NOT DEAD YAY!!!!", Iggy said extremely happy.

"AND YOU'RE ALL HERE NOW TOO!!!", Junior added as he joined the hug.

It devolved into everyone just joining in the hug, Bowser liked this. It had been a while since he had seen his whole family and this was nice. After the hug he quickly explained the basics of the world and the situation, he wanted his kids to be up to date on this all. He'd need to have a more private talk with Kamek about this later however. Right now he just wanted to head back to the Pokemon Center.

YES I DID BRING ALL THE KOOPALINGS PLUS KAMEK HERE!! PEER PRESSURE GOT THE BEST OF ME! Plus now Bowser gets to actually be happy for a bit, and I get to roleplay the little shits. I don't have designs done for all the Koopalings yet and not all of them are Pokehumans because Idk what to make them all or just think it'd be funny if they were just human.

The ones I have figured out are Kamek (Alakazam), Lugwig (Braxin), Morton (Quilladin), Iggy (Froakie), and the twins (For now human but will change if someone has a funny Pokehuman idea for them)

Yes I did to Kalos starter trio for three of them I thought it fit.

[lexicorp]

Background: Before Lemmy was abducted and turtified, he lived in a big, constantly busy family where he often tried to stand out by being his own version of wacky. He definitely has the little sibling energy and isn’t afraid to show it. After getting involved with the Koopa Clan family, he assumed much of the same role he had in his previous one as a way to cope and to try to solidify who he is as a person even after all the weirdness that’d happened. Truth be told, he likes his new family more because he feels like he’s more successful at butting in and being a nuisance and likes their chaotic energy. Still misses his old fam sometimes though and hopes sometime to let them know that, at the very least, he’s all right. He has an obsession with mexican cuisine and loves quesadillas in particular because that’s what he’d usually get when his family would go out for dinner together once a week. Often gives his controversial opinion that pizza is a poor man’s quesadilla because they’re both bread with cheese but the toppings actually stay inside a quesadilla.

Generally, Lemmy prefers to come across as unpredictable and a bit of a dangerous type. He likes to be spontaneous and hates solid schedules because they remind him of how it felt to be in an uptight family and to be under the thumb of the Kraang. He is totally the type to just take a look at a wall or sidewalk and say “yup, good place for some art” and just do it out of nowhere. Building off of this is the mood he likes to have around himself where he’s that unpredictable kind of dude, where he also does magician tricks and never reveals his secrets. In fact, being so closed off is why most people think he’s just kind of a wild and crazy dude, which he prefers. He and Iggy hit it off because Iggy feels a little more normal with Lemmy around and Lemmy likes how Iggy just goes with whatever the hell. Surprisingly Lemmy’s pretty chill with the rest of the crew, even when they get onto em, cause he can’t be bothered to give a damn, but still doesn’t like when one of them tries to act like some kind of leader and will tell em off cause he thinks they’re all just the same: fucked up kids who screw around and find out.

First post

[boredandelusive]

TokRev Mario Kart 2

In the previous part, I did Baji, Kisaki, Mikey, Chifuyu, Takemichi, Hinata, Rindo and Ran, Hanma, Hakkai, and Draken. The link is here. 

Part two has the following characters: Taiju, Yuzuha, Senju, Akashi, Koko, Inui, Mitsuya, Shinichiro, Sanzu, Pah, Peh, Smiley, Angry, Izana, and Kakuchou. 

Taiju Shiba as Donkey Kong.

I shouldn’t have to say anything, right? The vulgarness of them both is too annoying and I can’t stand it. That’s my decision and I’m sticking with it.

Yuzuha Shiba as Green-Haired Inkling Girl

Now, I know she’s blonde, but I feel like the green hair fits her more, especially because I feel like if she died her hair, it would be that color. Green inkling girl looks like a badass, and you can’t change my mind.

Senju Kawaragi as Isabelle

So I don’t know if it’s because of the height, or maybe to give into the illusion that because she’s a girl, she “doesn’t know how to fight.” Manga-readers know that’s utter bullshit. I know she would play as her and make sure she gets her money’s worth. Make the boys earn their stripes.

Akashi Takeomi as Metal Mario

I think it’s not only about him knowing how to read the room, but this mf is almost as heavy, if not the same, as Donkey Kong and Bowser. Like, you’re gonna sit here and tell me that if he wanted to, he wouldn’t be a pain in the ass and make shit hard for you? Deadass?

Kokonoi Hajime as Morton

I feel like I shouldn’t have to say anything, but in case I have to... Morton looks like he’s hungry, like he’s power-hungry and money-hungry. Now, I could be wrong, but with as pretty as Kokonoi is, you’re telling me you don’t see him playing this koopa jr?

Inui Seishu as White Shy Guy

I know he doesn’t fit the character, like at all, but Inui would have to choose some character. I feel like it would take after Takemichi with the whole 11th gen vice-leader thing. That and he knows how poorly the game treats Yoshi, he wants no part of that shit.

Mitsuya Takashi as Red Yoshi

Listen, listen. I love Mitsuya, I truly do, I love him with my heart..... But he would get his ass demolished if he tried the team games, alright? The balloon games, the team racing, even the grand pix. He would get molly whopped, alright? The game hates Yoshi, you can look at Dashi Gaming or you can trust me when I tell you I’ve played as him. That’s a no on that, bud. 

Shinichiro Sano as Ludwig

So I feel like it’s either because I know Shinchin would stay up on his Nintendo 64 playing Mario or some shit, but when he gets introduced to Ludwig, something either clicks positively or negatively. I feel like it would be negative, considering all of the fucking kids Koopa Troopa has. So now I feel like he’ll play the character out of spite. Once he gets used to Ludwig? That’s a different story.

Sanzu Haruchiyo as Iggy

Just look at him. Just look at him. Look at him and tell me he doesn’t look like some sort of pothead or something that would involve drugs. Look at his pupils. Are those pupils that belong to someone sober? Absolutely not. Guess what, Sanzu and Iggy are one in the same. Both some damn potheads, pill-poppers, call it what you will.

Pah (Haruki Hayashida) as Wario

As much as I hate Wario, I kinda hold respect for Pah, so I’ll put him with Wario because of his childhood. I feel like when Pah first met Wario, he started liking him because he was a villain who was closer to his build, ngl. I mean, you’re telling me the two don’t remind you of one another?

Peh (Ryohei Hayashi) as Lemmy

So I don’t know what it is, but I feel like this would work because it does. As much as I wanted to put him as Waluigi so they could be like siblings in the game, I just couldn’t do my boy like that. So instead, I put him with this kid. I can’t explain it, so I’m not gonna try.

Smiley (Nahoya Kawata) as Peach

If you talk shit about the character I choose, he’s gonna jump through the screen and beat you up. It was more of an experiment for him at first, but considering he managed to win against Mikey and Draken because the hefty levels of acceleration she has and how she’s medium-heavy. If he gets the red shroom, he’s in first place automatically. I don’t give a damn.

Angry (Souya Kawata) as Daisy

I feel like this would be a “look up to my older brother” moment. Peach and Daisy have similar feats when it comes to speed and acceleration. I feel like because Angry’s the usually quiet type, he would be the type to not flaunt off how he’s in the top three places, but the second he passes in like first or second place, the others would be absolutely befuddled with how he gained on them and didn’t say anything until after he passed.

Izana Kurokawa as Baby Peach

When I tell you I can’t stand baby peach, I fucking mean it. Throwin’ my controller, fumes comin’ out of my ears, breakin’ the damn buttons angry, I mean it. She always gets ahead of me, and for whatever fucking reason, you can’t hardly pass her, especially on the final lap of whatever map you play. I don’t tolerate the idea of hitting children, but baby peach is gonna have to go. I’d uppercut Izana so fucking bad, you have no idea.

Kakucho Hitto as Black Yoshi

He’s just in a little goofy moment, ya know? He has no idea the amount of pain he’s brought on himself, but lemme tell you when he first plays as Black Yoshi, he almost broke his TV. The game hates Yoshi, and I mean it. E for Everyone when it comes to him. 

[blackhakumen]

Mini Fanfic #584: Enter Bowsette! (Super Smash Bros Ultimate)

Ganondorf: Uhh.....

Hades: (Starts Smirking) Well, Well, Well~

Dark Samus: ....................

Mewtwo: ..........................

Ridley: (Eyes and Mouth Widened as He Starts Blushing at a Woman in a Black Dress.....Who Almost Resembles a Certain Princess) !!!......

????: (Chuckles Evilly While Doing a Fashion Pose) Surprised to see me like this, boys?~

Ridley: Uhh. (Immediately Got Up From his Seat) E-Excuse me! Gentleman, I uh....I had to uh....go outside to uhh....do stuff. (Sprints Away Towards the Mansion Door)

Ganondorf: I'm sorry, but...do we know you? Are you like..... another one of Peach's cousins or something?

????: What? No. Guys, it's me: Bowser.

Mewtwo: (Raised an Eyebrow While Crossing his Arms) If you really are Bowser, then tell me: How many children you have and what's their name?

Bowser(?): You're kidding, right? I have eight kids! Their names are Junior, Larry, Morton Jr., Wendy, Iggy, Roy, Lemmy, and Ludwig von Koopa!

Mewtwo: Hmm....I see....In that case, then tell me.... What is your thoughts on the Mushroom Kingdom's Hero, Mario and how a lot more often he has beaten you-

Bowser(?): ('Grrrrr') Fuck that Italian Plumber! Everytime I set my plans to action, he always had to fine some way around them! One of these days, I'm gonna rule that Mushroom Kingdom and beat stupid mustache loser...(Slams her (His) Fist on the Table) ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!

'Silence'

Mewtwo: ('Sigh') I believe that answers our question, gentlemen. She is really Bowser as a woman.

Bowser: Well, duh! That's what I've been telling you for the longest. Why didn't you believe me sooner?

Mewtwo: Simple. I just didn't believe that a woman, who looks exactly like the Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom, or any other woman in that matter, would ever come over here and directly tell us that is she is you.

Bowser: (Shrugged) Eh. Fair point.

Ganondorf: Sooooooo......Bowser.....You mind telling us why you turned yourself into a woman in the first place?.....Or better yet how?

Bowser: Well, to answer your second question, Ganon....(Proudly Points at the Crowd He/She is Wearing on His/Her Head) I was able to have this bad boy with me!

Mewtwo: A crowd?

Bowser: Oh it's not just any crowd. This right here is a Super Crown! It allows whoever wears, turn into a literal princess.

Ganondorf: Interesting......

Dark Samus: .......................

Hades: (Chuckles Lightly) It's sounds a bit more kinky if you ask me.

Mewtwo: (Turns to Hades in a Bit of Annoyance and Disgust) Keep your disturbing fantasies to yourself, Hades.

Hades: Hey now. No need to get all fussy with yours truly, Mewwy boy. Just speaking the truth is all.

Mewtwo: (Grits his Teeth While Balling his Fist Up with Dark Magic at the God of the Underworld) Never call me that again, swine. In case you already forgotten, the only one has the privilege to call me that alone is Zelda.....

Hades: Oho! (Gives an Angry Mewtwo a Smug Look on his Face) You don't say?

Ganondorf: Calm yourselves, boys. This isn't really the time for antagonizing each other.

Bowser: Yeah! I still got a lot to tell you about this bad boy!

Hades: Why, certainly. I'll stop as long as Mewwy here calm himself down.

Mewtwo: (Starts Growling at Hades)

Bowser: Mewtwo. Don't make me get Zelda up in here.

Mewtwo: (Sighs in Defeat Before Going Back to his Previous Posture) Fine.

Bowser: Good. Now, as I was trying to say.....(Starts Grinning Evilly) I can totally use this to my advantage of winning for once!

Ganondorf: Oh really? If so, then have you come up with a plan to use it yet?

Bowser: Well, you see, I....uhh....uhhhh....('Sigh') Okay, so maybe I haven't come up with an actual plan yet.....

Hades: (Rolled his Eyes) Big surprise....

Bowser: But know this, fellas!! Once I come up with one, not only will I finally beat that stupid plumber in own game, but me, my kids, and my subjects finally reign supreme, or my name now will not be QUEEN BOWSETT-

?????: Bowser!!

Bowser: (Turns Around to See Peach Glaring at Him/Her) Oh! Uhh. Peach! (Chuckles Awkwardly) Hey! How's it going?! I-I was just.....you know.... walking around.... Hanging out with the fellas and what not.

Peach: (Points at the Super Crown on Bowser's Head)

Bowser: O-Oh! You're uh... wondering why I got this silly looking crown on my head, huh? (Chuckles Awkwardly Some More) Funny story really. You see, I-

Peach: Gimme back the crown, Bowser.

Bowser: B-But-

Peach: (Shushed Bowser to Stop Talking) Give it to me...... Now.

With a groan of defeat, Bowser (or Bowsette) finally takes the Super Crown of his head, instantly turning him back to the King Koopa he always was.

Bowser: (Gives Peach the Super Crown Back) Here.

Peach: Honestly. How many times do I have to tell you not to steal this from me and try using it for your schemes?

Hades: Wait. (Starts Chuckling) You mean to tell me this isn't the first time Koopa boy over here try to steal that crown of yours?

Peach: ('Sigh') Unfortunately..... He's been trying to steal it from me non-stop ever since I first brought it here. It's already starting to get way out of hand.

Ganondorf: Now that you mentioned it, why did you have it here in the first place?

Peach: No real reason really. I just thought it look adorable. I didn't know it had that much power in it. But since a certain King Koopa....(Glares Back at Bowser) had to go and steal for the millionth time, I guess it's for the best to put it back from where it came from.... Wherever that is. Until then, I don't want any of you to try and lay a finger on this crown. Do understand me?

Ganondorf: (Shrugged) Eh. Sure.

Hades: Whatever you say, princess.

Mewtwo: I wasn't even interested in it to begin with.....

Dark Samus: (Simply Nodded) ..............................

Bowser: (Groans While Tapping his Claws on The Table and Looking Away)

Peach: Bowser..... (Pinches Bowser's Cheek) I want you to promise me!

Bowser: (Winches in Pain) Alright! Alright! Fine! I promise I won't mess with it anymore! You have my word!

Peach: (Sighs as She Finally Let Go of Bowser's Cheek) Good. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go out and buy another safe. Maybe some protective security to go with it..... (Walks Away While Calling Out For Someone) Mario!Will you go shopping with me please?!~

Bowser: Well...... That's another golden opportunity thrown out the window.

Ganondorf: I'm sure you'll think of another plan to claim victory soon enough. No need to rush with one now.

Bowser: ('Sigh') Whatever......

Ridley: (Rushes Back to the Table with Bouquet of Roses While Wearing a Tuxedo) I'm back, mila- Wait. Guys, where the woman with the black dress go? D-Did she already left home or something?

Bowser: (Whispers to Hades) You guys wanna tell me or should I?

Hades: Nah. Let's not anything. (Starts Smirking Evilly) I honestly wanna see how this stupidity plays out.

Ridley: Guys, seriously, where the fuck she is?!

@keyenuta

@cyber-wildcat

@italian-love-cake

@26shann

@ma-lemons

@albion-93

@gengar-sans

@chompycroc

[castellankurze]

just rewatched the Mario movie

So awhile back I found out the production and shooting on the movie were absolute hell for people, so I can’t support it in that aspect, but seeing what we got on screen?  Yeah I still love it.

1993 Brooklyn made me homesick.

The Mario Brothers said unionize, found family is family, and fuck cops.

The whole ‘it’s Toad but he’s low-rent Johnny Cash’ thing would get so much fanfiction if this movie came out today.

Y’know, Nintendo mighta disowned this movie and swore off Hollywood for a generation, but even they liked that Luigi/Daisy ship.

Iggy and Spike’s “0 for 5, what percent is that?” “I don’t know.  Let me think...I don’t know, but it’s not good.” is the funniest shit on the face of this planet.

Big Bertha is the original Bowsette.

Princess Daisy grew up at a church-run orphanage.  It took 65 million years but dinosaurs are Catholic now.

Thing I missed as a kid: after their intelligence upgrade Iggy and Spike attack Koopa as “fascist” and “oppressor of the proletariat.”

I still want a pet Yoshi like he looks in the film.

[variabels]

Fictober19 #2 Babysitting the Koopalings

A/N: What you need to know for this chapter is that R.O.B. married Marth’s iPhone because Roy set them up one year ago.

Prompt number:  2  “Just follow me, I know the area.”

Fandom (AU if applicable): Super Smash Bros

Rating: T because of the implications at the end.

Warnings/Tags: R.O.B. overheating

Words: I forgot to count

Ships: R.O.B. x Marth’s iPhone, Palu and Bayo are Kirby and Joker’s moms

R.O.B.’s life had been going through many changes lately. It had gotten married to its beautiful wife, Marth’s iPhone. They had been living a happily wed life but something was missing. The one thing that most married couples strive for, kids.

The robot did not want to disappoint its wife when it came to child-raising. It wanted to be prepared for the most troublesome kids imaginable. But it didn’t have much money.

The robot was a decent fighter but there were many fighters that were way more talented than it. R.O.B. didn’t have the money to pay for anything a child needed. Heck, it didn’t have the money to adopt one.

It would take so much time to raise enough money with the results it was having in tournaments. The poor robot had no way to become a top tier fighter in the blink of an eye. Even if by some miracle it did become top tier, it would still lack any knowledge of child-raising.

R.O.B. decided it needed advice. It could not give up, it needed to make its wife happy. The robot went around the Smash Mansion asking fighters for advice. After consulting all the parents in Smash, it came to the conclusion that a part-time job as a babysitter would help it gain money and learn how to raise a child.

---

If R.O.B. had been programmed to feel excitement, it would be feeling it right now. It was time for its first job as a babysitter.

The robot knocked on the door eager for it to be opened. It could hear footsteps of someone running and the door was quickly opened. The robot was met with a huge smile for one second before it turned into a frown.

“Dad, R.O.B. knocked,” Roy Koopa stomped his way back to the sofa.

“Oh, just in time!” Bowser smiled as he let the robot into the Koopalings’ apartment, “The children are all waiting.”

The robot followed Bowser into the living room. The apartment was quite spacious and nicely decorated. There were photos of all the Koopalings on the wall alongside badly illustrated drawings. R.O.B. couldn’t help but imagined what its living room would look when it had kids.

“Kids, R.O.B. is here,” Bowser announced to his children, “He’ll be babysitting you.”

“But he’s a robot,” Wendy protested, “How can he play fashionista with me?”

“Aw, Roy had me all hyped up for nothing,” Bowser Jr. pouted, “He made us all think big Roy would babysit us.”

“Wait, Roy’s not babysitting?” Roy yelled in shock as he made his way towards the door, “That’s it, I’m leaving!”

“I’m sure you’ll all have lots of fun,” Bowser reassured his kids, “If any of you leave or misbehave, you’ll all be punished. Have fun!”

Once Boswer left, R.O.B. knew it had a lot of pressure on it. The most likely scenario would be for the koopalings to misbehave. R.O.B. could sense that they didn’t like it, it needed to gain their trust and respect if it wanted to avoid having problems with Bowser later on.

---

“No!” Wendy yelled, “You can’t walk like that Iggy! You’re ruining my fashion show!”

“That’s not true!”

R.O.B. had no idea what to do. How did you stop two kids from fighting? It’s actually quite easy.

“So, we’ll be allowed to play on iPads all night?” Iggy asked.

R.O.B. nodded which made the two koopalings grin. They had always wanted to stay awake all night and now they could. Babysitters were awesome.

---

Lemmy, Larry and Morton wanted to do nothing but eat chips. Naturally, R.O.B., being a robot, had absolutely no knowledge of the fact that chips weren’t exactly healthy. He took all the koopalings to town to buy them whatever they wanted.

R.O.B. had spent way too much money on the eight mischievous kids. He needed to make sure Bowser paid him a lot.

“We need more chips!” Larry told the robot, “It’s unhealthy for kids to not eat chips.”

“Yeah!” Lemmy smiled, “We read it on a YouTube comment so it must be true.”

“These with lots of sugar and fat will do!” Morton grinned, “They’re the healthiest!”

Kirby and Joker just happened to be walking by with Palutena and got really excited.

“Mom?” Joker asked as he made puppy eyes, “Can we have some chips?”

“No. We have chips at home.”

“They’re apple chips!”

“Healthy and delicious.”

“Fuck you!” Kirby pouted, “Bayo’s a better mother than you. At least, she’s willing to try to get me whatever I want.”

"Actually, I know a place with the most healthy chips in the world," Joker lied.

"You do?" Palutena asked full of interest.

"Yeah! Just follow me, I know the area."

---

R.O.B. took the koopalings back to the mansion where most of them were satisfied with eating chips and playing on their iPads all day. However, Roy, Ludvig and Bowser Jr. had other plans.

“Playing on iPads is so boring,” Ludvig snickered, “Let’s sneak out!”

The three brothers quietly exited their apartment and ran all around the mansion causing chaos. They were running into people and pranking everyone. They were about to prank the inklings when Roy saw his idol, lord and savior, big Roy speaking to some loser called Ike.

The pink koopa ran towards him but by the time he reached them, big Roy had left after yelling and throwing a box on Ike. Little Roy picked it up and looked at it.

He saw a small letter written on it. He couldn’t read most of it because Ike’s handwriting was crap but he could make out a bit.

“To our boy, Roy,” Roy read out loud, “Something, something. I hope you like this gift, you’ve earned it! Remember to be careful.”

“Roy, why did you run off?” Ludvig asked, “What’s that?”

“I think it’s a present for me from Ike. Roy must have gotten angry at Ike for giving it to him instead of me!”

Roy opened the box and found things in it. He didn’t know what those things were. Neither did Ludvig but they both had an amazing idea. Bowser Jr. wasn’t sure why his brothers were looking at him with such intensity. It was like they were trying to prank him.

---

“R.O.B.!” Bowser Jr. yelled, “I need your help!”

R.O.B. rushed to the koopaling not knowing what to expect. The robot was surprised to see him stuck in what appeared to be a weird type of balloon. R.O.B. started overheating as it couldn’t handle another situation of not knowing what to do.

“Hi, I’m back!” Bowser greeted full of joy before seeing the scene unfolding in front of him, “Why’s my son stuck in a… Um… Balloon?”

“It was Ike!” Roy spoke up as he showed the box and letter he had taken earlier, “He got this gift for me.”

“Um… Yeah… I think I’m going to leave for the night. I’ll pay you extra, R.O.B.”

R.O.B. was so overjoyed that it had done a seemingly good job that it started overheating once again. It was going to be a great parent. Now it just needed Marth’s iPhone’s parents’ blessings.

[perch-the-cat]

Chapter 7: Day 24 Middle Of The Night

 “N-no, d-dont,” Iggy mutters, rolling around in his sleep.

 The 3 Koopalings found a hollowed-out tree to sleep in for the night. It might've been cramped but it did the job to keep them warm while they slept. Larry and Wendy were sleeping peacefully, cuddling each other. Iggy on the other hand was curled up having a nightmare.

**Iggy’s Dream**

 It was a blank void, it was blinding from how bright white it was, like a piece of printing paper in the sunlight with nothing drawn on it. In the middle of the room was a table, two chairs, and a chess board with all of its pieces ready to be moved. Iggy was sitting at one of the chairs, looking at the board with a blank stare.

 An entity comes into the room. He floats over to the chess board and hovers over the chair as if he was sitting, but he cannot due to the fact he has no body. This entity looks over to Iggy with their piercing red eye. A blue sparkling flame thing appears around the entity and a pawn as they move it two spaces and then the flame dies out as if the oxygen has been cut off.

 Iggy moves one of his pawns one space, “Why am I here, Obsidian?”

 Obsidian was the entity. He was an on-and-off friend to the Koopa family, mostly he would be with Ludwig. He's basically an embodiment of wrath. The blue flame appears around the floating eyeball and another chess piece and then disappears after it was moved.

 “Oh, this place? It's just a little area spirits bring people when they want to talk with them in their dreams. You've been here before, you probably just don't remember…” Obsidian responds looking up at him. “So Ignatius, how's the apocalypse going for you? Bad? Great?”

 “You know fully damn well how it’s going…” Iggy moves another chess piece. 

 “Yeah I get it, you're one of the only survivors… You and the rest of your living siblings are in danger and you'll only just die or get turned into a zombie! Tsk tsk…” Obsidian moves another chess piece. “You are screwed, my friend!”

 “We aren’t really friends, you have literally helped people that’ve tried to kill Bowser… “ Iggy glares at Obsidian moving another chess piece. “We aren’t screwed though, I know at some point someone, probably me, will make an antidote to this whole zombie thing!”

“So naive you are… Iggy, you are in territory with more zombies than any other kingdom! How do you know you aren't just gonna get turned into a zombie at any point? Even right now you have that high risk of turning into one!” Obsidian moves another chess piece. “You are going to die! If Roy didn't cut off your arm you'd be a zombie, just like Ludwig~!”

 “DON’T SAY THINGS LIKE THAT! I'M NOT GONNA DIE!” Iggy slams his hands on the table in anger making a few chess pieces fall over. Obsidian stands them back up (not in the same places though). “What even makes you think that?”

 “Ignatius, I know you're gonna die, I know the future. For when and how I'll let you find out but you are fucking doomed…” Obsidian moves his queen to Iggy’s king, “Checkmate…”

The blue flame appears around Obsidian and his queen as he uses it to knock over the king. The flame disappears once more like a candle. Iggy’s eyes widen. He looks up at a smug Obsidian. He looks back down at his fallen king lying in his lap. Iggy’s breath starts to get shaky. As much as Obsidian can be helpful (or annoying) he is smart and does know a lot. Iggy knows what Obsidian is saying is probably true (probably because everyone dies at some point anyway). But this apocalypse is gonna kill him at some point…

 The void started shaking like an earthquake, the chess pieces falling over and an undecipherable voice coming from the ‘sky’.

 “Well I guess this is your queue to go… I'll see you once you're dead!” Obsidian says tauntingly as Iggy finally wakes up.

**Real Life**

 It's about 9 am. Wendy and Larry sat over a sleeping Iggy, shaking him awake. Iggy slowly opens his eyes, letting them adjust to the light before looking at his siblings, now understanding their calls of waking him up.

 “Bout time you wake up!” Larry smirks hugging Iggy.

 Iggy looks off to the side, not wanting to talk, letting what Obsidian previously said, sink in. Iggy’s mind races with thoughts of, “When will it happen?”, “Am I gonna die alone?”, “Is Obsidian even right?”, “Will anyone miss me?”, “Will there be a cure for the apocalapse when I die?”. While sitting there Wendy and Larry look at Iggy with his face of trauma.

 “Iggy?” Larry asks snapping Iggy out of his ‘trance’.

 “Wu?” Iggy looks up at his siblings leaning over him.

 “You ok?” Wendy tilts her head.

 “Uh, yeah-” Iggy lies while scratching the back of his head. “J-just a bit of a headache, that’s all…”

 “Ok, well get up then, we’re going to mainland Jungleland today!” Larry says pulling Iggy up by the arm.

 The 3 start heading off to mainland Jungleland. Iggy was writing in the journal, while Wendy and Larry engaged in a conversation.

 ᗪ卂ㄚ 24:

山乇 千ㄖㄩ几ᗪ ㄥ卂尺尺ㄚ ㄚ乇丂ㄒ乇尺ᗪ卂ㄚ! 丨ㄒ’丂 几丨匚乇 ㄒㄖ 丂乇乇 ㄒ卄卂ㄒ ㄥ丨ㄥ 匚卄乇卂卩丂Ҝ卂ㄒ乇 几ㄖㄒ ᗪ乇卂ᗪ. 丨 山卂丂 ᐯ丨丂ㄒ乇ᗪ 乃ㄚ ㄖ乃丂丨ᗪ丨卂几 丨几 爪ㄚ ᗪ尺乇卂爪 ㄥ卂丂ㄒ 几丨Ꮆ卄ㄒ. 卄乇 丂卂丨ᗪ 丂ㄖ爪乇ㄒ卄丨几Ꮆ 卂乃ㄖㄩㄒ 爪乇 ᗪㄚ丨几Ꮆ ᗪㄩ尺丨几Ꮆ ㄒ卄丨丂 卂卩ㄖ匚ㄥ卂卩丂乇… ㄒ卄乇 ㄖ几ㄥㄚ ㄒ卄丨几Ꮆ 丨’爪 山ㄖ尺尺丨乇ᗪ 乃ㄖㄩㄒ ㄒ卄丨丂 丨丂 ㄒ卄乇尺乇 乃乇丨几Ꮆ 几ㄖ 匚ㄩ尺乇 千ㄖ��� ㄒ卄乇 乙ㄖ爪乃丨乇丂 山卄乇几乇ᐯ乇尺 ㄒ卄丨丂 ᗪㄖ乇丂 卄卂卩卩乇几. 山卄乇几 卂几ㄚ乃ㄖᗪㄚ ᗪㄖ乇丂 尺乇卂ᗪ ㄒ卄丨丂, 丨 ㄥ乇卂ᐯ乇 ㄚㄖㄩ 爪ㄚ 乃乇丂ㄒ 尺乇Ꮆ卂尺ᗪ丂, 千ㄖ尺 山卄乇几乇ᐯ乇尺 ㄒ卄丨丂 卄卂卩卩乇几丂, 丨 卄ㄖ卩乇 ㄚㄖㄩ 卂尺乇 丂卂千乇

丨Ꮆ几卂ㄒ丨ㄩ丂 Ҝㄖㄖ卩卂

 Iggy puts away the journal and listens to what his siblings are talking about.

 “King Boo should definitely be fine we should go by his mansion and camp out for a while!” Larry says.

 “We passed it before we found you,” Wendy shrugs.

 “I know but, he’d be useful to us, besides if Bowser is alive he’d go to KB’s mansion!”

 “Yeah, I guess so if you think two drunk bastards are helpful in any way,” Wendy rolls her eyes.

 “Ok, they might not be all that great but we should still go by and try to find them there!”

 “I feel like Bowser would’ve gotten bored of sitting inside that creepy ass mansion and would leave dragging KB with them anyway.”

 “Fair point, but we are going this route to find survivors, we might as well grab them”

 “UGH, fiiinnnneee! Iggy come on we’re goin back!” Wendy grabs both of her brothers by the wrist and starts walking in the other direction.

Beginning/Chapter 6/Chapter 8

[turtle-pen]

Can you explain what happened between Ganon and Bowz or link to any posts that detail it? I hear it referenced every so often but I'm actually not too sure what happened.

That’s cool, we’ve only ever hinted at it but never really outright stated what happened!

Well hmm. [Thinking emoji]

- Basically Ganon waltzed into Bowz’s life. I don’t think we had the specifics of how they hooked up, but most likely during the events of the earlier Smash games (Melee or 64). I can only assume as royalty and cool dark wizard guys, they’ve exchanged talks with one another in an upper class setting prior to their official dating.

At this point Bowz had gotten most of, if not all of, the koopalings together. 

- Ganon and him started dating and it was… bad. Bowz was head over heels for him and would do anything he asked with little to no hesitation. But Ganon is very… toxic for him. Veeery very toxic. (X)

(Example A: Bowz and Ganon were having issue with communication between Hylian/Gerudo and Darklandian. Bowz suggested they study one another’s language, but immediately that was rejected because Darklandian is a Frankenstein’d hodgepodge filthy language and he refuses to learn it. To which Bowz was like “……Kay.” And learned Hylian for Ganon instead of meeting in the middle.

Example B: The first time that Bowz finally convinced him to visit the castle, (to which throughout the entire visit he was very judgey…), they settled into a room and he asked about the disgustingly colorful little minions running around like they owned the place. O which Bowz was like “My kids?” and Ganon was like “Is that what you call them?” And this WHIPPED AF KOOPA KING WAS LIKE “….” I think I had Wendy overhear this convo)

- The koopz and Junior HAAAATED him. They hated him more than they hated anything in the world. The environment in the home got incredibly tense and hostile. Honestly I wouldn’t say to the extent it was a trigger for them, but Bowz even bring up Ganon or stuff he did with him or whatever would make them see red. Which lead to a lot of arguments and fighting.

- There was a break up after the events of the Subspace Emissary. (X) (X) Things remained tense cause Bowz kept trying to (and sometimes successfully) crawl back to Ganon afterwards. Like I said, whipped af. The koopz and Junior were very emotionally drained by this.

- It got to the point where the koopalings split up for a short stint. Idk maybe a month or two? The Bowz mun actually references it a few times. (X) I feel like it’s because Bowz successfully gets back together with Ganon AGAIN and it just becomes the last straw between all of them.

Iggy wants to leave cause like fuck this? And cause of his attachment to Lemmy, he wants to take him with him too. Roy begrudgingly goes with him cause they’re best friends and he knows how Iggy is.

Wendy’s feeling like absolute trash through this whole thing and holes herself up in her room. At this point Lud and her are kneedeep in their rivalry but a ceasefire happens and they’re each other’s only comfort through this whole ordeal. (To a point where Ludwig ugly cries on Wendy for a little bit, something none of the other koopz have seen)

Larry gets uh. Pretty… messed up for a while. He’s not doing the stuff he did during this time anymore.

Morton tries to be the rock between them and keep them all together but, being mildly controlling, only messes up things more and he ends up isolated to his own elements.

Who the FUCK knows where Junior is in all of this, I sure don’t.

- The koopz’ split-up gives Bowz the motivation to finally cut Ganon the hell off for good.* Those runaway boys come back after a while, and the koopz make sure that every bit of Ganon is out of the castle. No photos, no numbers, nothing, and Bowz is all for it. Even if his heart stings still. But they’re more important to him than that Gerudo asswagon.

*Results may vary

Which brings up to where we are today. Which is… Bowz is still… crushing hard on Ganon but keeps himself vigilant and busy with other things and tries not to think of him anymore.

Ganon’s motivations at first were to expand his reach across kingdoms but after seeing Bowz fall right into his hands, he was like “This is fun.”

And because of this, every once in a while he tries to poke the hornets nest again.

But don’t worry, the koopz have emergency plans for any possibility. Mostly they involve maiming either Ganon or Bowz.

tl;dr -

-Dated cause of early smash-Ganon’s super toxic and the koopz hate him-Broke up cause of Subspace Emissary betrayal-On-again/off-again dating-Family breaks apart-Bowz puts his foot down against Ganon and mends the pieces-They’re on the look out for that douchey pig man

OH YEAH AND BOOM GOT FUCKING SUCKER PUNCHED INTO A COMA BY GANON WHEN HE TRIED TO DEFEND BOWZ. (X) (X) (X)

[stairblog-archive]

Chris McKinley: Pre-SQUIP

((Penguin: As promised, a somewhat angsty fic for a Somewhat angsty boy :p))

—

Today fucking sucks. Maybe I should be lighter on it considering today has barely happened… But no, it already fucking sucks. I woke up late, I didn’t eat, I forgot some of my homework. Everything that could possibly go wrong was just stacking up on top of me. It was so streamlined how wrong everything was going, you could make it a children’s book: Chris McKinley and the Never-Ending Nightmare That Was High-School. Sounds like a best-seller to me!

I pushed my way through the School halls, trying to ignore any passing glances. It was a tad difficult, for some reason my presence attracted a lot of attention… Usually not the good kind, either. They were almost like knives, stabbing right into where everything felt like goo and nothing could make it right. I kept my gaze ahead, noticing a familiar hat among the crowd…. Oh thank god. I picked up my pace, catching up with the hat until I could see the familiar face wearing it.

Unfortunately, I crashed into someone. I stumbled back a bit. I didn’t really have the strength to look up at them.

“Sorry.” I said, trying to move along. However, I only found myself being tugged back. The person glared at me, their teeth were gritted.

“You think you can just go around bumbing into people?” They asked.

“N-no… I was just-” I never got to explain myself, I never do.

“Fucking freak!” Suddenly they shoved me. I felt walls on all sides, and realized I was now in an empty locker. The door slammed on my face. I could hear laughing and sneering on the other side of the door. I shook, I probably would have slouched down if not for the much too short space. I covered my ears, letting my rapid breathing and quiet sobs drown out everyone else.

The crowd eventually quieted down and moved on. I heard someone fumbling with the lock and froze. Who was doing that?… My answer came sooner than I thought. The door swung open again, revealing the same hat and face I had been seeking before.

“You okay, Chris?” Roman asked, outstreatching his hand. I grabbed it, pulling myself out.

“No, but what else is new?” I mumbled, wiping my face. Roman didn’t let go of my other hand, and instead guided me down the hall.

“C'mon… we’re gonna be late for class.” He replied. I could tell by his voice alone he was upset. I let out a sigh, following him as best as I could.

“Thanks for um… Letting me out of there.” I said, managing to flash a small smile. Roman smiled back.

“Hey, you would have done the same for me… Transbros for life.”

“Yeah, Transbros for life.”

After this exchange we’d gone to class…. Which ended up being somewhat uneventful. I’m actually a little greatful for that. What had happened in the halls had been bad enough, I don’t think I could stomach another event like that. Luck seemed to be on my side with that, as I managed to go through most of the day without too much trouble. I honestly thought maybe the universe was trying to apologize…

—

I had Drama after school. I wasn’t really much of a performer, But I took my stagecrew duties very seriously. Hell, it was one of the few times in my day I got to hang out with people who liked me (Aside from my classes with Roman).

Me and Anita were currently trying to pry up a very heavy setpiece. The Drama Club got a budget increase this year, so we were actually able to buy extra materials to make slightly more impressive sets.

“Hey, Chris?” Anita called up. I glanced down from the ladder I was currently standing on. “Do you think you could hold this for a few minutes? They need as many people as possible for this next job.”

“Yeah I got it! Don’t worry.” I called back, tightening my grip. The set was currently being held in place by a Rope-Pulley system. Anita had very securely tied down her own rope, but mine still had to be held manually because there simply wasn’t enough of it (There wasn’t enough in the budget for a longer rope, either).

At first, I was managing pretty well with the rope. In fact I was quite confident that there was no way someone could screw this up… Then I noticed the ladder was starting to tilt. I jerked a little, trying to shove it back into the right direction. But, that backfired, and I only caused it to tilt over in the opposite direction. Then, I lost my footing completely…

This next moment was probably one of the most terrifying of my life, Because I was dangling ten feet off the ground with nothing but a rope that was probably older than I was suspending me as I swayed back and forth. So, natually, I screamed. Suddenly the entire room stopped, and everyone’s attention was stuck onto me.

I saw faces starting to merge and swarm together along with various shouts and yells. Suddenly the room filled with nothing but undecernable noises. I could feel my head grow slightly numb as an indescribable sensation shot through my body…. the old, corse rope started to slip through my hands…

Then I felt an arm pull me in. I looked over. Apparently Anita had managed to position the Ladder upright during this time and had Climbed up to get me. I shakily grabbed one of the wooden steps and gripped it with the strength of… Well, A lanky high-school boy in complete shock. I could see Anita mouthing words but I couldn’t bring myself to make them out. Instead I just let her carefully guide me back to the ground.

I could make out a few whispers now… “Who the fuck left Clumsy Chris alone like that?” “That bozo could have wrecked the whole thing.” “Honestly I kinda wish he fell.” I shook my head, trying to block them out again. Anita kept lightly tugging me along until we were outside the auditorium.

“You okay?” She asked when we were finally outside. I nodded, taking a deep breath.

“Y-yeah… Just kind of…. out of it.” I mumbled. Anita’s expression shifted to concern.

“I think you should head home, Chris… You don’t really look like you’re well enough to work.” She said.

“…Yeah, sure.” I mumbled. Really, I had my suspicion she just didn’t want me to hear anything else the club had to say. And the fact she told me to just wait outside while she got my bag further confirmed this… Or maybe she just didn’t want to be seen with “Chris the Clumsy Fuck-up”, not that I blamed her for that.

I noticed something move next to me. I glanced over, seeing a somewhat unfamiliar person… I wasn’t sure who they were, but I was certain I’d seen them in the halls. I glared.

“What do you want?” I snapped. I didn’t wanna hear any more sneers or gross names today. However, the person merely leaned back.

“I’m gonna be frank with you kid, I’ve been observing you. No offense, but you seem like you could use some assistance with your daily life.” I cocked an eyebrow at them.

“What the hell are you going on about?” I asked. The person smirked.

“I was a lot like you once. A loser, a nobody, a clumsy screw-up. I couldn’t talk to anyone or go anywhere without being looked down upon… Then, I got a SQUIP.”

“A… A Slip? Like, from the consoling office?”

“Not a ‘slip’… a 'SQUIP’. It’s a pill-sized computer, you take it and it implants in your brain and tells you how to live without problems.” I looked at him like he was insane.

“That’s… I’m not sure I believe you… Are, are you high right now?” The guy shrugged.

“No, but I don’t blame you for being sceptical. Look, if you really aren’t sure… My dealer, Roy, works at the Bowling Alley in the mall. Tell him ol’ Dusty sent ya, he’ll hook you up for only $200.” Then, the kid turned around, vanishing as quickly as he came… I had to admit, even considering the people who go to this school, this guy seemed pretty sketchy.

But, his story also seemed… Alluring…

—

I ended up heading to Roman’s house once I’d gotten my bag. We lived practically next-door to eachother, and I would have had to pass by anyways. I was over there often enough to where I was basically allowed to walk in whenever I wanted uninvited, though I kept my manners in mind when I did show up.

I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. I picked it up and glanced down at it.

Message from Mom: Working Late. You’re on your own for dinner.

I put my phone away, Sighing. This happened way too often, I dunno why I still didn’t expect it to happen. Maybe I could ask Roman for some chips or something…

I entered Roman’s house to find him and Kaede playing Mario Kart. Yoshi was in first, so I assumed Kaede was currently winning. But, at the last second, Baby Luigi (Roman) pulled through and crossed the line first.

“Damn it!” Kaede Groaned.

“Never underestimate the power of a 3 year old.” Roman said with a shrug.

“Did they ever confirm the age for the babies?” I questioned. The two of them jumped in their seats, glancing at me with a look of terror.

“Jesus! Chris, I didn’t hear you come in.” Roman gasped.

“Don’t you have stage crew today?” Kaede asked.

“Uh, Yeah, We had a really productive day and got enough done to end early. I thought I’d pop in since I was passing by anyways.” I explained. I didn’t really want to talk about what really had happened. Though, they seemed to by this well enough. Even Kaede didn’t seem suspicious, and he was good at noticing these things.

“We’re gonna start another round, You wanna play?” Kaede asked. I flashed my first real smile of the day.

“Sure.” I said, taking a seat between the two of them. I played as Iggy Koopa, a personal favorite of mine. We ended up racing for a while. It was nice to forget how bad my day had been for a little bit, though at the same time I felt distracted by that kid’s words… What if he was telling the truth? Sure, $200 was a little pricy for me… But I did have the money. Hell, it was even in my wallet…

Maybe Kaede knew something about this SQUIP thing? He usually knew about sketchy stuff like this, he’s probably at least heard of it. And if he didn’t know about it than maybe the kid actually was just spreading a story.

“Hey are you guys hungry at all? I think I can get my parents to buy us some pizza…” Roman offered. I snapped out of my thoughts.

“Pizza sounds pretty good right about now.” Kaede said, “What about you, Chris?”

“Uh, sure! That’d be great.” I replied. Well, that took care of my food problem. Roman left the room. Me and Kaede sat in silence for a bit.

“So, you wanna tell me why you really came home early?” He asked. I froze, taking in a sharp breath… Yup, there was no getting past Kaede.

“I may have… Accidentally…. fallen off a ladder…. while I was holding a rope… ten feet off the ground.” I mumbled. Kaede’s eyes widened.

“Holy shit, Are you alright?”

“Y-yeah I didn’t get hurt… Just, scared and confused.”

“Confused?” Kaede questioned.

“Yeah um… See, after the whole ordeal this guy named Dusty came up to me and told me about this thing called a SQUIP? He said it was like, a computer or something… You ever heard of it?” I asked. Kaede’s expression changed again. He glanced over to where Roman had left, then turned back.

“Look, don’t go tellin’ Ro about this alright? I’m only telling you because I trust your judgement on this thing,” He explained, “But, yes… I have heard of it. Some of my cousin’s in Japan told me about it once, apparently one of their friends got one. It’s basically a literal 'Chill Pill’. The thing implants in your brain and talks to you, helps you with whatever you task it with.”

“Yeah, Dusty said something like that.” I confirmed.

“Well, Listen, I dunno where… 'Dusty’, got one… But I’d be careful about these things, alright? For all I know, he just coincidentally made up a story to get a couple of bucks outta you. He might just be spewing something he overheard out of context. Plus, I don’t really know that much about it myself… I might be able to get ahold of my extended family and ask them about it but that could take awhile.” I thought more about it. It almost felt like Kaede wasn’t saying everything… But I didn’t pester.

“Well, thanks anyways… And Don’t worry, I won’t go telling-” I froze, noticing Roman just starting to enter the room. I quickly changed my sentances. “Roman! Yo, we still on for Pizza?” I asked.

“Yeah, But we’re only getting one so… What toppings do you guys want?”

“I’m good with anything… EXCEPT Pineapple, alright Chris?” Kaede teased. I gave a look of faux offense.

“Good sir, Fruit was made for Pizza.” I said,“The minute Pizza Parlors start including strawberries, it’s over for you Fluffs.”

“Ew, Gross!” Roman said, “What if I got it half-cheese half-pineapple? Would that please your angst-driven soul?” I thought about it.

“Yeah, that works… The angst is Very pleased with that decision.” I confirmed. Kaede seemed to be okay with this, too. Roman left again, but came back pretty quickly, and we continued our game while we awaited our food.

—

I left Roman’s house at about 6. He’d probably have let me stay the night if I asked, but I didn’t really want to overstay my welcome. I thought more about this SQUIP thing as I walked… Maybe I could just… try it out for a bit? If it was a computer then that meant I’d have some way of turning it off, right? Unless… It can’t be turned off…

I walked into my room, dropping off my bag. I reached in and pulled out my wallet, starting to count my cash. $250, that was more than enough… Right? I sighed a moment, glancing at some of the posters on my wall. I was seriously considering going for an overpriced tic-tac. This was quite an extreme decision. One poster stared back at me, specifically one of Christian Slater and Winona Ryder. Heathers was a personal favorite film of mine. I had quite a few posters for it around, this one just so happened to have the honor of being the first thing I saw when I woke up… I stared at Slater for a bit longer.

The extreme always seems to make an impression.

Fuck it.

The mall wasn’t too terribly far away. I was able to bike there in no less than 10 minutes, which gave me pleanty of time since most of the stores didn’t start closing until around 9. Plus I was pretty sure the Bowling Alley was open until 11 anyways. I walked through the mall, keeping my hood over my head just in case someone i knew was there. Luckily, I didn’t run into any familiar faces.

I walked into the bowling alley, and upon hearing just how rowdy the place was almost turned back… But my curiousity got the better of me in the end, and I pushed forward. Eventually I reached the counter, where a somewhat spooky looking guy stood.

“What can I do for ya, kid?” He asked.

“I’m looking for a guy named Roy?” I replied. The guy raised an eyebrow.

“That would be me. What brings you here?”

“Um, Well… This guy named Dusty said you could 'hook me up’?” The guy rolled his eyes.

“Fuckin’ Dustin… Alright, I’ll hook you up. But you tell him to pay his tab before I cut him off.” Roy dissappeared after saying this, then reamerged a few minutes later. “You got the cash, right kid?”

I pulled out $200. Roy counted it out, then handed me a little baggy with a pill inside.

“Take it with Mountain Dew, I don’t know why but Mountain Dew is the only thing that activates it. And all sales are final! Don’t go coming back here for a refund! Now, Scram!” He shooed me off. I was kinda happy to leave, what with the noise and all.

I started making my way towards the food court. I stared at the tiny, grey pill as it sat in it’s bag. It was jarring, but something about it also brought comfort… maybe my life was about to get easier.

I bough a single Mountain Dew from one of the machines, and sat myself down. I was a bit hesitant about it now that I was so close… I held the bag up to my face, eyeing the SQUIP.

“Well, little guy, I guess we’re doing this…” I told it. I twisted the cap off the soda, and unzipped the bag.

There was no turning back now…

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[jenna347-blog]

Chapter 5 (Koopa Kingdom fanfiction) draft I may edit this later on

                               Chapter 5

               (Meanwhile Ludwig point of view)

Me, Lemmy, Morton jr., Iggy, and Roy went out to find and rescue Kamek and King/Prince of Koopa. As soon as they arrived at the kidnappers' hideout according to Iggy’s’ tracking device, and the castle looked familiar. “If my calculation is correct, I believe our father, brother, Kamek all should be here you guys.” “I hope you’re correct Iggy because I don’t want to go through this bullshit again.” Roy said in a concerning tone. “Yea Iggy, maybe this could be a damn trap bruh.” Lemmy replied while Iggy pulled out a 3D blueprint watch layout of the building. “Look, I know this could be a damn stretch, but I placed a tracking device microchip while they were sleeping, and those dots on my blueprint is their exact location. At longs, we follow this carefully we may rescue our king, prince, and Kamek….” I interrupted him. “Sorry to interrupt you, Iggy, even though this is a good idea. But I should make the decisions around here as a true leader should.” “Well, “Mr. Leader” if you let me finish maybe you know that I was going to say that we need to make sure stick together and make sure we’re not detected, it shouldn’t take us maybe not even 30-60 minutes if you follow my league.” They all agreed, Iggy made sure to disarm any type of alarm, CCTV, and in case they had body heat sensors. As soon he was finished, he finally transported us inside making sure no one notice once we entered. “Okay guys, and before you say or do anything stupid like you always do Roy. Roy gave Iggy type of look how dear you say something so foul. Don’t give me that look, Roy, you know it’s true, but anyway it says that they’re located on the other side of the building. If we are very careful and not make any sound, we could rescue them in a snap.” “Don’t you think we should split up to make sure we get every area in this castle bruh?” Lemmy asked I replied to his question by saying. “You may have a point, but like Iggy had said before we need to make sure we stick together just in case we can charge at our enemies head-on. Plus, this place is like a maze and could be boobytrapped” “I guess you’re a right bruh.” “Stop lollygagging around chumps, let’s get our family and get the fuck out of his, the others are probably worried sick about us by now.” I thought to myself that Jennifer was worried about me as well, felt the same way about her. I knew I couldn’t contact her to make sure she was okay, because we both knew if she ever gets caught in my room she could go straight to the dungeon. Feel like I love way too damn much to ever lose her, it’ll break my heart. “Look I’m the only one who should make the decisions here wellbeing the leader and all. I think we should split up: I and Lemmy will go left and two just go straight, think we could make it out better that way. Not just that we have wands and not just that Iggy and I aren’t stupid, unlike some people that we know.” “HEY!! Who are you calling…”? “Who cares, and you two want someone to hear us you loudmouths, and back to you Ludwig you may be the oldest and share the same IQ, but I still have the right equipment to figure out our way around this damn castle, so if you just want to use your wand fine by me. Just don’t cry to me when you both are going to bloody die, let’s go Roy seems like our brother thinks he’s better than us.” Lemmy shockingly looks at me. “Ludwig, this doesn’t seem like you in any way, not just that I never would think you’ve called me and Roy stupid. If you feel that way about us, then I think that we should separate as well. This is probably why dad picked Jr to become the future king of our land, going with Iggy and Roy, please think about it for a minute because I don’t want to be near someone who acts like because I miss the old Ludwig. Yo, wait up for me bros.” While walking towards the end of the hallway had long thought about what Lemmy had said and he was right about it including Iggy and Roy. But at the same time should know that I’m trying to prove to our father that I could take charge, even though I truly hate my ratchet family still must have to make my father think I’m better than those morons. They just don’t understand I must take over that kingdom for my own, at the same time can’t allow them to see that maybe the reason why I reacted the way I did towards them was that I truly miss Jennifer even though we just that but it felt like that we knew each other for a very long time. As soon as I went towards the end of this hallway, I hear some mumbling in one of these rooms it could be them or could be a trap, placing my hand against the wooden door trying to magically can see what’s going on on the other side of the door. Looks like them but at the same time it doesn’t, trying to phone-in Iggy, Lemmy, and Roy nobody answers thought they were still pissed, so I left a message trying to tell them that I could’ve found them in this room. Once I did so, Lemmy was the one who called me back via face cam but only wanted to communicate in a whisper. “Yo Ludwig, when I, Iggy, and Roy went to our separate ways somebody just snapped them into a room, but I ran away before they could get to me. You need to come by, and we need to figure out what to do bruh.” “Sure Lemmy, I’ll be there in a quick minute. Replied and used transporting spell to his location. Ok, so what the hell happened, and why didn’t you help in any way?” “I got scared okay damn bruh. Let’s just find them including pops, Junior, and Kamek.” I just wish he wasn’t so damn careless, so he shows me the room that the guys that grabbed them into. Like I thought it would be bloody empty, and I asked him was he sure that he saw these unknown people snatch them into this room. He was for certain that he had seen them doing this, thought maybe they had gone into a hidden passageway either behind the bookshelf or underneath the floor, the only one that would work was the false floorboard. “Ludwig, I don’t think we should go down there, because we could get caught.” “I don’t think we have anything to worry about don’t be stupid and so damn scared of everything.” “Yea, tell that Iggy and Roy the same thing bruh.” While rolling his eyes, I could tell that he felt like a total wimp kind of like Larry in away.  “Whatever, just help me get this bookshelf open maybe they through here.” (I just wanted to get this over with and make Bowser see I should be the one who could take over the Koopa kingdom and not that damn brat, while my beloved become a queen of all koopas. I miss my princess the sooner I get them the better.) “Damn dude it's so damn dark in these halls.” “What do you expect? It’s a damn tunnel and keeps it down we may get caught.” “Maybe we should at least have a torch to lead the way you know how I feel with dark areas.” (Please kill me). “Okay, let me figure out where we could find something to “light up this room” or I got one deal with the darkness… Forgot about his rainbow hair and war face makeup tends to act like a glow stick. Maybe we could use your hair and your war face paint as a glow stick to find our way towards our family.” “Bruh, I’m just hoping that we don’t run into a trap would be a bummer…. (Mumbling). If I’m correct that sounds like Iggy and Roy.” “Let’s slowly go in to make sure this isn’t a trap like you had mentioned before. As I slowly crept up towards “Iggy and Roy” only finding out that these were dummies and a recording the door behind had slammed shut before it did, we saw the crooks who kidnapped them in the first place. Damnit, can’t believe we fell for that bull!” (Fawful on a projector) “Is this mic working? There it goes, hello Ludwig and Lemmy, I hope you like your new room because I wanted to make sure you koopalings were in a pleasant place to be in.” “Where’s our family you monster?” Trying to act like a tuff 4-year-old child. (Great job Lemmy) “Aww! You’re so damn cute little Koopa if I told you that what would be the fun in that right. Oh yeah, before I forget Ludwig, I think you would love this new gift that one of my goons had grab from your room. But some birdy had told me that nobody in your family knows about your little princess I heard she’s from a different universe, you’re probably wanted to know how I know all about this outsider. But Fawful would promise you that this young lady would be treated so damn well, don’t worry about anything my dear Ludwig, because if you try anything maybe just maybe you’re going to be the next red cap mustache fat plumber, who knows right but I’m going to keep you from your woman, adopted father, grandfather, or your brothers right. Oh yeah before I let you two go also got the rest of your clan as well, just because like before Fawful is going to take over Koopa, Beam Bean, and that got damn mushroom kingdom a place that your dumb drunk ass father tried to take something that belongs to yours truly…. Muffling and crying Fawful slaps Jennifer. You better shut the hell up! I wanted to kill him so damn bad I think I’ll let you go have a great day.” “Ludwig, you allowed an outsider into our castle, what the fuck is wrong with you bruh? You always called me and Morton dumb, but I think this is the worst thing that you ever have done.” “I didn’t she came all on her own, I thought she was working for the Mushroom kingdom but the time we got to know each other we started to love each other. Look Lemmy I know you wouldn’t understand, but she’s my princess and my everything, if I lose here don’t know what I’m going to do anymore can’t live without her.” “Hey look, man, even though I shouldn’t get mad at you because our dad did the same thing right. We could get through this just need to figure out a way to fight for our family, you’re the best leader that we could ever ask for, so why are we standing around and acting like the end of the world let’s go get them. So, what do you think do you want to save our family and your princess? While holding his hand out, I guess he was trying to say was “everyone can fall, but we can get back on the horse again”. Hmmm. Maybe we could use our wands to get out of here and try to reach towards them.” “The only problem would be if Fawful has CCTV with audio around here, don’t want him to catch on with our plans.” Lemmy took out a pen and notepad he said, “just take your wand from your hair, try to see if they’re any cameras in the room and if so, try to get rid of them.” I thought this could work but had to think about this, even though we can’t just sit here and do nothing while our family even though I kind of despise them, but I need to save my deadly princess she needs me more than ever. So, I went along with his plans did so, but I had to make sure I do this correctly without setting any alarms. (One of the Cameras breaks and waits). “Hopefully that works, but I have a feeling that’s not the only one in this room. I don’t know why but that was too damn easy.” “Maybe I could get a whack at it bruh. Putting his wand on his temple guessing if he could find a trick on allowing him to find a way to destroy the motherboard. Okay, bro, I found something to make sure he wouldn’t expect a damn thing, Iggy once showed me a trick to destroy a switchboard if it connects via CCTV going towards body heating type scanners.” “Don’t just tell me this just do it, Lemmy.” Heard something in the distances, then the door finally opened, didn’t think he was this clever with anything, or at least listen to either me or Iggy. “Okay, hopefully, that’ll allow us to get around this castle for now before Midbus tries to fix it. But I don’t have to worry about old pig boy though bruh. Saying all of this while laughing. But maybe I could my wand to try to use it like a wishbone and try to find them that way.” “You mean we could’ve done that from the start, Lemmy!” Grabbing him by his shirt. “Oh, I didn’t say that before, even though if I did tell you, you’ll think I was beyond stupid bruh.” “And if you fuck up this time, and my princess dies. I’m either going to kill you by breaking you into pieces or allow Fawful to do anything he wants to you.” “Yeah bruh you got my word, please let me go. Replying as he was barely breathing, then I let him go. Thought you would never let me go, don’t know what’s wrong with you man starting to worry me bruh, just calm down we’ll find her trust me on this one bruh. Trying to get a signal on his wand finally got something northwest of the castle. I think we’re so damn, says that they should be right in this room.” “You better be right boy, like I said someone is going to see their maker. Once we enter this room, and there was my beautiful princess including our family. Trying to untie them, as soon they were free my dear love was trying to say something and looks like she wanted to tell us someone was behind us. “Oh, Ludwig and Lemmy Koopa, you thought it was going to be that easy to defeat me. Midbus, get these nasty little Koopas and show them how we do it in Bean Beam Kingdom mon.” “Sure thing Lord Fawful.” “Lemmy, just try to get them out of here I’ll take Midbus head-on.” Lemmy took his wand and tries to take them back to the castle, but some reason his wand doesn’t work in this room. “Dammit, dude! I guess we must do this old fashion way. Saying this while Midbus is beating every living shit out of me. (Muffling). Are you trying to say something strange lady? Let me take this bandana off your face okay.” “First Lemmy I do have a damn name, and second Fawful if you don’t let us go, I’ll make you pay for everything you have done to us.” “Oh, Jennifer, you think you could do anything in this universe. Not even the Mario bros could finish me off, it got so bad that they needed King Bowsers' help tried to stop me from taking over Bean Beam, Koopa, and the Mushroom Kingdom. But guess what Fawful keeps coming back for more Fawful never stops keeps moving forward, so if you think some low life human could stop me, I would like to see you try.” Starts laughing, but that quickly ended when he heard Midbus being dropped to the ground moaning in pain later died when from having his neck snapped. “Don’t you lay a hand on her you little ingrate. I can see in the corner of my eye my deadly princess whispering to Lemmy with an evil smirk for some reason I already knew he was going to do something looking back at Fawful. I think my love wants to do something to you, Lemmy maybe we should allow her to torture Mr. Fawful. I want you to untie our family get them out of here while I and Jennifer deal with him” “Sure thing bruh.” “I know you want to hate me King Bowser, but this isn’t the time to do so we can talk about this when we get back to the castle. Now for you Fawful, you had kidnapped the wrong chick today little boy. As Jennifer throws him across the room. Is there any way to reverse the spell barrier, so we could make this torture so much fun? Bowser nods even though I could tell that he was kind of piss for her trespassing into our castle, but also knew this wasn’t the perfect time to start an argument and started to head back to the castle while I and Jennifer handle Fawful.  Now back at you little monster. Would you like to know what I could do? Well, when I was back in Ludwig’s’ room, found a book that I could let say have 2 voices in the same mind, instead of rambling on, Lira can just show you what I’m rambling on about right.” (summons Lira). “It’s nice to meet you Mr. Fawful heard so much about you my dear….” Fawful interrupts her after he spits in her face and being tied up. “I don’t know who you think you are, but when I get out of these ropes you and the Koopa clan are freaking dead. Not just that I’ll soon enough control all of these fine kingdoms.” I placed a gag ball in his mouth to shut him up. “His voice was so damn annoying now would you finish Ms. Lira.” “Oh, I sure can Mr. Ludwig, thank you so very much. Where was I oh yes, Ludwig could you help me torture our guest? He agreed to her offer. Great, Mr. Fawful would love to show you what we going to do for you and to you (a table full of drills and many other dangerous tools). Ludwig, please pick one of these lovely blunt objects to make our guest feel so good dear sir.” “Sounds good to me Ms. Lira, maybe I should try this torch lighting up this steal pole placing this on his face” An evil smile was upon both of our faces, too bad that my beautiful princess couldn’t experience this pleasure. While burning the pipe, Lira finds out that Fawful tries to untie himself and she prevents him to free himself. “Mr. Fawful you think you could get out of here that easily, not under my watch. Explains to him while giving out an evil laugh. Now, Ludwig, I hope that pipe is ready for some great burns, don’t worry my dear sir this wouldn’t hurt a bit maybe in my point of view, but a lot on you though.” Telling her that it finally was ready, placing it upon his face turning it around slowly, she told me that my beautiful princess was so damn happy that I cause him so much pain she also felt the same way. “Well, Fawful, I think it’s Lira turn to cause you some pain, and if she doesn’t mind it’ll get to the point, we may just torture you so much to the point you may die.” “Oh, Mr. Ludwig, my mother (Jennifer) picked the most perfect man, maybe we both could pour some acid on his pants and poke a hole through his cheeks and leaving it there.” Told her that we could use our magic to pour it on him so it wouldn’t cause any type of damage towards us. And when I tell you the sound of him suffering brought a joyful tear into my ears, it gave me a type of high I never had before, not just that reminds me of going to a classical play just so damn calming to me. “Aww, I think Mr. Fawful wants to leave because he is so much pain, even though we just starting this joyful torturing, so you can meet your beam bean kingdoms god right. Oh, I think my mother has a great point in trying something more painful. What do you think Mr. Ludwig? hopefully, you’re on board with her plans to make sure his death is the most dreadful and painful. I told her and my beautiful deadly princess that wanted to hear their ideas. Well, Mr. Ludwig, she wants me to take this drill and placing it into his bloody head to see how much these ratchet Beam Bean can take, then put it on repeat. What she meant by that is magical fix the hole but make him go through the same type of pain kind of a loop, I guess I shouldn’t take this forever. (Lira/Jennifer does this torture for about an hour). I think we need to move this torture along and just straight up kill him, because we’re getting kind of bored Mr.Ludwig I guess you can take the truly sweet lead my dear, this should be fun. Well, Mr. Ludwig, hopefully you have fun with our guest here Jennifer would see you back at the castle dear.” Explaining while disappearing. “Oh I’ll have so much fun with you. Maybe I’ll take my time, because you look like you could last a very long ass time dear sir. Let me see maybe I could grab this machete and start skinning you but you going to have this fun pain for hours on repeat till I feel bored enough to just end your life for good. Only reason I agree for this to happened not just because of my deadly princess/Lira, but our kingdom wanted to do this to you that ratchet stack of bacon for far too damn long now mostly me, and now that my dreams are coming true. Starting to skinned him from his left shoulder to his wrist, the screams that he made like I mention felt so wonderful to me like if I had a expenivse steak and red wine. (A hour later) See Fawful, that wasn’t bad right, now I’m going to gash your eyes out and after that I’m going to set you on fire. (gashing his eyes out with a sharp blade slowly he started to cry for bloody murder)After I done so grab myself a seat and just flat out told him. You know what Fawful, I may not even burn you alive. Shocking I know, but wouldn’t be fun if I did at the same time I don’t want to have my deadly dark princess waiting in the castle with those no good losers. Maybe I should just cut your head off and put it on the stakes, you’re head would put me first in line for Koopa Kingdom throne, (Got the biggest knife that I could find plus making it sharper) I’ll make sure your death painful as possible.” Started to cutting his limps off piece by piece very slowly, dumping his limbs in a bucket filled with a very strong and deadly acid. Now all was left was his torso, after that I chup his head off and placing it in a burshack bag. Decided to take some gasoline making a trail from this room-outside about 30 feet from the castles entrance, using my wand as a made shift ligther. Then magically tellaported back to the castle, just like I thought everyone was waiting on your one truly. (Koopa Troopas chants Ludwig 4x) Brings a smile upon my face, but I didn’t see my princess anywhere maye she’s probarly in crowed cheering me on. “Koopa Kingdom, I come before you today to let you guys know that we don’t have to worry about that unlawful bean beam ever again include his minion Minbus. Because I of his head and blew up layor, but I didn’t act alone with the torture/killing of Fawful, would to like to announce if it’s okay with King Bowser that I bring up my beautiful partner Jennifer.”

[askwendyokoopa]

Keep in mind Rosalina is a 'cruiser' along with Waluigi, and I doubt either of them are heavier than, say, Mario. I think while they count them as 'weight' classes, it might be more down to their sizes, since Waluigi and Rosalina are tall. The only one that I think it wouldn't count for is Wario and Metal Mario, who'd need heavier cars since they're really damn heavy.

“What about my Dad, he’s the size of a mountain! Just not in that particular game…”

((I think Nintendo switches them around arbitrarily based on aesthetics. Like ‘we have two light plumbers (the babies), two medium plumbers (the Marios), let’s round it off with two heavy plumbers (the Wario Brothers, yes I consider them brothers, fuck you Miyamoto!).’ They had light and medium female monarch characters, so they were trying to come up with a large female and came up with Honey Queen before ultimatley inventing Pink Gold Peach.

For the Koopalings, even though all of them are larger than Mario, I believe they felt that having that many new heavy characters would be unbalanced. So they were all divided amongst themselves, like Wendy is light for a Koopa, Iggy is medium for a Koopa, Morton is large for his age but nowhere near his dad.))