#not even death could do them part. they finally had a final reunion a bittersweet epilog a last touch to share I'm a mess

[calmao666]

We meet at the appointed place

[eisforeidolon]

Tumblr shows me such horrendous posts sometimes especially from tags like #dean winchester People genuinely with their whole chest think that he could have been saved from that rebar with a first aid kit 😂(even though he obviously couldn't plus they didn't have gods power anymore) and also thinking he gave up lol as if he hasn't said all along how he knew he'd die a hunter, wanted Sam to have a peaceful life & him dying first was best case scenario. They never listen to Dean the show or Jensen

Oof, yeah. It's been ages since I braved the main tags because - at least on tumblr - this fandom is a trashfire of bizarre and ignorant opinions. Like, just as a thought exercise, let's give the maximum benefit of the doubt possible.

I can see, to an extent, why after the light fantasy irreverence of the Dabb years, someone might be wishfully tempted to forget SPN's horror roots and think the Winchesters might not die at the end. Except Jared and Jensen made it pretty clear every time they talked about the ending that they saw the Winchesters dead at the end, one way or another. Except even when we were full on in the hunting-is-a-lark and constant resurrect-o-rama of Dabbernatural, it was still a show that revolved around monsters and death almost as much as it did the brothers' relationship. Except how do you even end a show where the characters constantly bring each other back from the dead in a way that feels significantly final other than them accepting death?

I can see, to an extent, why there would be some confusion over the severity of injuries, because the show never took them as serious as they would be IRL, Chuck or no Chuck. TV in general is pretty terrible about that. Except as much as I loathe the concept of the Winchesters only being competent and surviving because of Chuck, it was a thing in the show. Except we're talking about being stabbed fully through the main body cavity where there are a lot of pretty vital things you can't live with shish-kebabed. Even if it would have been possible to survive that injury IRL as some kind of medical miracle, it would definitely require medical professionals for him to survive getting off that rebar and they were in a barn in the middle of freakin' nowhere - being realistic is not "giving up". Except we're talking about a fictional character where the entire point was that the writers had decided Dean was going to die then, so it was a fatal injury because it was written as fatal. Except I think it's pretty obvious some fans only wanted Sam rushing around trying to do first aid to avoid 7 minutes of incest Dean's speech showing Sam was still the most important person in Dean's life to the end and he was perfectly capable of saying I love you - despite their reams upon reams of meta claiming otherwise.

I am not in any way saying anybody needs to be happy that Dean died, or even needs like the finale. I actually agree Dean's lack of self-worth and fatalism about how he'd inevitably die fighting monsters relatively young (especially when he said that in a particularly low moment) aren't good things, so him being ultimately right is actually really fucking sad. As is Sam getting the normal life he once wanted when IMO he no longer particularly wants it and it's at the expense of losing Dean after all they'd been through together. Disappointment, even disappointment one should reasonably have seen coming, is totally fair. The ending is meant to be bittersweet with the sweet part coming from the heaven reunion, and even dismissing delusional shippers? Not everybody is going to like that kind of ending. Except there's disappointment and then there's being really fucking weird about that disappointment by insisting a tv show owed you to end the way you wanted and further, it personally wronged you because no one tried to put a band-aid on a sucking chest wound. Also, a character dying from doing something dangerous and acknowledging they are dying when they get a fatal wound doing it instead of trying to insist they're okay is ... endorsing suicidal themes.

[gakriele-lvs-blog]

My thoughts for the last episode [Spoilers]:

---The beginning(approximately 5 minutes) was paced quite decent, they manage to cramp the Collector's development in all of that and it kinda works because the guy was never bad, just innocent and unaware of the bad things they had done.

---Belos as a whole was spectacular. The bastard really lives up to his expectations. And as a villain, he is one of my favorite characters by far. Possessing the Titan? We saw it coming, and they execute quite well for my perspective.

---They pull out an Anne Bounchoy in reverse here. They killed Luz to bring her back in an overpowering form. Not sure how to feel about that one. On one hand, it was a beautiful and climatic final confrontation. On the other, It undermines Luz's own achievements by giving her what she needs instead of finding it herself. Yet, I can see why they choose to do this, is just cool and considerating what she was against what else was she supposed to do?

---They really give Raine a protagonistic role on this, not unwelcome but feels a little out of the blue. Still their inclusion and relevance feels organic enough as to not to feel oppressive.

---The Hexsquad and Camila really get sideline in this one! Like, they weren't even relevant through the whole episode! Truth be told, they got more than enough development from the last episodes so I can understand why that was the case. Eda and King deserved and needed a lot of screen time to compensate for their lack of relevance through the third season. Still... Something like Hunter being present for Belos's death or Camila's reaction to Luz's "death" would have been a welcome addition

---The Collector leaving was to some extent unexpected and personally unnecessary. They kist learn a lot in a couple hours and them just leaving instead of staying and learning more feels kinda anticlimactic, let Eda be the mother's figure they need!

---The conclusion was just as expected, reunions after reunions, what else was meant to happen? It worked perfectly and it was quite a peaceful and hopeful resolution. And Luz losing glyphs magic was the perfect bittersweet closure to it. With the true death of the Titan, it makes sense that she would lose said magic, a noble sacrifice.

---Time Skips... Honestly, I hate those for a lot of reasons. Especially if they take place through multiple years. Luz's quinciallera a couple days/weeks should have been the ending, allow everyone's family to gather to celebrate together, give us as many small interactions as possible

-Vee hugging Camila and Luz upon their return and for the former to call them mom and sister

-Eda and Camila's proper introduction to one another (and the latter's reaction to harpy Eda)

-Have Lilith just randomly getting harpy form just for the giggles (the owl beast is just that happy)

-Have Hunter together with Vee, and King during the final parts of the Quinciañera giving Luz a tearful speech about how much she changed their lives for the better (They are siblings!)

-Willow and Hunter could ask at the same time to become partners (Maybe the same with Matt and Gus?)

-Have more and more people coming through the portal to see Luz (She changed a lot of lives after all)

---Basically, let the audience materialize their own far-away future. Time skips have the drawback of leaving too much development in between. Using one for Thanks to Them was understandable. But here it feels unnecessary. Instead of Luz's incoming stay on college, let's us see a open ending focus on showing us the many adventures and mysteries left unresolved, letting your audience's imagination go rampant with everything that was left to cover and wish for more!

Still, just because I have my own opinion and vision doesn't mean I didn't enjoy the episode. Although the shortening will forever taint my joy for the show, eternally wishing to see the missing potential we never got to see... I love it and nothing will change that.

[emmym1]

My thoughts on... Captain Marvel: The End 2020 (#1)

So as part of my read through of the 2019 Captain Marvel run i've been told that 'Captain Marvel: The End' is an important read that will factor into the story later on. This comic is part of a series where they showcase a possible end for a certain character, these comics take place outside of the normal continuity. So i was quite curious to see what this was all about and how it'll tie into the story. So in this comic we catch up with Carol in the year 2051. Carol is quite litterally a different person now, she doesn't seem to be made out of flesh and bones anymore but moreso out of pure energy. This alone had me very intrigued as it's clear that some really big stuff happened to her that caused her to transform into this energy form. She gets an Avengers distress call from earth and is quite shocked when she recieves it. It turns out that decades ago earth was destroyed by an unknown threat and Carol was at the other side of the universe while it happened. When she arrived she only found destruction and remain of what once was earth. Because of this Carol has a lot of mixed emotions about returning to earth. When she arrives things look worse than she initially remembered them to be. When she finally finds the source of the distress call she is quite shocked to see who is behind it are Gerry & Jessica Drew along with other people whose parents once were heroes. It's revealed that they called upon her to deal with her a radioactive monster that is coming out of the sea. It turns out the earth is a radioactive wasteland and that Hazmat is creating radioactive free zones with her powers. This allowed the remaining civilization to live, however they all live underground. Carol initially thinks this is because of the monster but once they defeated the monster it's pointed out to her that the sun is dying and that normal humans can't surivive outside. Upon learning about this Carol knows what she has to do. And Hazmat realizes this too, she tries to stop Carol from going but Carol points out that Jessica knew that this is what was going to happen from the moment she contacted Carol. So Carol flies into space, to the sun and transforms into the sun itself as she dies. And so this comic ends with the remaining survivors on earth being able to live again and Carol finally being able to save them after not being able to the first time around. This comic was honestly so emotional to me and it made me tear up quite a few times while reading it. Seeing Carol deal with her guilt of not being able to be there when earth initially fell, wondering if she could've made a difference. It was really heartbreaking to see that and how she then realizes that she wasnt there then so she could save them now. Her death was incredibly emotional and honestly was the perfect finale for her character. It was a super bittersweet moment. The way the art visualizes her transforming into the sun was also really beautiful. It was such a perfect moment.

Carol going back to earth and seeing all the survivors who turned out to be the children of certain heroes was also really emotional. Such as Rhodey naming his child after Carol or Nat and Clint naming their daughter katie. It was also really bittersweet because in the beginning you see a bunch of old pictures of Carol and her friends on her spaceship and then you learn most of them are death or have aged significantly compared to Carol. I feel like it must be really rough to see everyone around you die and grow old while you yourself are basically immortal. Carol & Jessica's reunion was also very emotional to me. They shared such a strong bond together and it shows when they finally see each other back after decades. It becomes even more emotional as you realize why exactly Jessica called upon Carol, knowing what she was going to do. It was pretty hardhitting to see how the guilt of not being there for the initial battle destroyed her. Her talking about she hasn't been this happy in ages after meeting the remaining survivors on earth and how no matter how many battles she won or how many good experiences she had, that she always carried the guilt of not being there to save earth. It hit pretty deep to see how all of this affected her. And that her death basically was a moment of freedom for her as she finally was released from this guilt and was able to save earth in the end. It's really well written and it's such an emotional finale for the character. This was an amazing one shot and me tear up quite a few times while reading it! It's a super emotional read and seeing Carol in her final moments and how she thought about her dying was really bittersweet. Seeing her reunite with some of her old friends and meet the new generation of some of her old friends was also incredibly emotional and it really showed how much time has passed around Carol. Her new energy form was also intriguing and really showed she went through a lot through these decades and it really makes you wonder what happened to her. So yeah this was an absolutely amazing read and i'm super excited to see how they'll tie this into the 2019 Captain Marvel run!

[pa-stella]

Flufftober 2022 - 27.10

Prompts | @flufftober

This is based on @jyushibat’s idea. Thank you for inspiring me! I took some liberties so it might be different from what you had in mind. I hope it's not a problem! Also, this took a different turn while I was writing it. Less romantic, more............... whatever is happening here. It's more Jakurai focused than what I had predicted. Weird.

Title: Yesterday and You Fandom: Hypnosis Mic Pairing: Jakurai/Hitoya Prompt: Reunion Words count: 1450 Contents: T-rated, mention of alcohol, mention of death, Hitoya is basically a therapist here.

I see your face, it's everywhere

I close my eyes, but you're still there

Reminding me of things we used to do

A long tired breath escaped Hitoya’s lips as he played with his almost empty glass. The bittersweet notes of that song and the alcohol weren’t helping his mood at all. 

Accepting a case in Shinjuku hadn’t been one of his best choices. He knew that part of Tokyo well enough to walk around without getting lost, but wherever he went giant posters and led screens would show him the known face of an old friend. Could they still be called that? Friends?

Far were the times when the two used to spend afternoons playing basketball or reading in silence, when the most important thing was a red number on a final test. The same times when kind smiles and calm words were enough to cool down any sort of argument. The same times when they’d look at each other a second too long and their cheeks would redden a little… 

He emptied the glass in one last sip and refused the bartender’s offer to refill it.

They had both made many mistakes that ruined their friendship but, in retrospect, Hitoya knew that his inferiority complex had played a large role in their distancing. He had taken all the grudge and the pain from the past and poured them in his career, reaching the highest point of satisfaction. But then, when the rap battles had started, all the feelings from his childhood had resurfaced. He had wanted to show him that he wasn’t living in his shadow anymore, that he had changed… but he had lost again and it hurt in the same way a lower grade did back in high school. 

Has Hitoya really become a different person? Why was he still trying to impress Jakurai? 

He was too tired to answer those questions or, maybe, he was trying to find one more excuse to avoid them.

After paying for his expensive whiskey, the lawyer stood up from the high stool and made a move to leave. He stopped at the entrance to zip his leather jacket up, but his eyes settled on the last thing he expected to see in a luxurious bar in the middle of the night.

That wasn’t a billboard, a screen or a hologram. No. Jakurai was really there.

I wonder what your heart is saying

When you hear a jukebox playing

The song that brings me yesterday and you

An hour had passed since the end of his shift, but he was still driving around the busy city. The doctor was tired, however there was something that made it hard for him to go back home that night.

He had lost a patient during the afternoon. The surgery had been successful, without mistakes or doubts, and yet… the young man’s heart had stopped anyway. It happened while they were moving him back to his private room. All the attempts of reviving him had failed and Jakurai, still wearing the bloody gown, had watched helplessly as life disappeared from his eyes.

He stopped the van at a red light and sighed loudly.

His knowledge, his talent, his skill… everything had been useless. How much did he still need to improve to prevent those things? Or was that proof that even he couldn’t fight against fate?

Somebody once told him that, no matter what others would say, he was just a human with limits and flaws. He chuckled remembering those words spoken with venom, those icy eyes burning with resentment. The very same eyes that had glared at him during the last rap tournament.

Jakurai sighed once more. 

He missed those days when they would chat for hours about nothing in particular. Those days when Hitoya’s tenacity would inspire him to work hard as well. Those days when he would spend nights thinking about all those silly and unique things his friend had the courage and ability to do.

If he had been more open and honest about his thoughts at the time, if he hadn’t been so worried about what was right and proper to think and say, would their friendship have lasted more? Would they have faced their personal tragedies in a different way?

Jakurai shook his head a little. The physical and mental fatigue of that day was making him dwell in the past. He noticed a dim lit bar and, without thinking, he parked right in front of it. He knew alcohol wasn’t good for him (Hifumi-kun had kindly shown him the videos of how bad it affected him), but maybe something light wouldn’t have the same effect. 

He waited for the quiet song to finish before turning the car off and entering the bar. The warm air invested him as soon as he went beyond the entrance, making him stop to take his coat off. A small movement in his peripheral vision caught his attention and he raised his head slowly.

It seemed as if fate had decided to play a little more with him that day.

After the initial shock, Hitoya just shrugged. “Jakurai.” He murmured.

“Hitoya.” Jakurai sounded surprised for once. “What brings you here in Shinjuku?”

“Work, obviously.” The lawyer sighed. “If I had time for a holiday, I wouldn’t be here.”

Jakurai just chuckled.

“What about you? What are you doing here?” Hitoya asked then.

This time the doctor didn’t answer and moved to the bar counter instead. He sat on one of the stools calmly before being approached by the bartender. “I’d like something…”

“Alcohol-free.” Hitoya finished his order while sitting down by his side. “And another glass of whiskey for me, thank you.”

“Hitoya…”

“Listen, this is a nice place. I don’t want you to destroy it in a booze induced rage fit.” 

The bartender took Hitoya’s money with a worried face before getting to work.

“Last time we met in a bar like this, it didn’t end well.” Jakurai commented with a sad smile. “Are you sure you want to join me?”

Hitoya chuckled bitterly. “We might not be friends anymore, but it would be cruel for me to leave you here when something is clearly wrong.”

Hesitation filled Jakurai’s chest. Was it right for him to talk about what had happened? “It has been a long day at work.” “Uh, really?” The lawyer thanked the bartender as he placed two glasses in front of them. “Let me tell you this. Alcohol is not the answer.”

“And yet…” He pointed to the glass half-full with whiskey.

Frowning, Hitoya turned to look at him. “Always so clever, huh?”

“...am I?” The question came out in a whisper as Jakurai took a sip of his own drink. The taste of black teas and spices lingered on his tongue.

“What happened?” Hitoya asked and the doctor really wanted to talk about that, about the thoughts he had while driving… but at the same time it was the last thing he wanted to do. He had no right to complain about something unfortunately so normal in his field. He had no right to keep bringing old memories up.

So he just smiled in his usual kind way. “As I said, it has been a long day. Nothing happened. I apologize if I made you worry.”

Different emotions appeared on Hitoya’s face, but in the end he just looked furious. “This is still your problem, Jakurai. You can’t expect people to understand you if you don’t talk.” He huffed. “And you should know by now that if you hide something, it won’t disappear.”

“...”

“What the hell am I doing here…” Hitoya murmured to himself in disbelief. He chugged the rest of his whiskey, but a hand placed right on his tight stopped him before he could get up. “What?”

“Hitoya.” He hesitated again for just an instant. “Please.”

The small pleading shocked the lawyer. He did not expect that. He was ready to tease Jakurai a little, but when he looked at him in the face, words got stuck in his throat. For the first time in decades of acquaintance, he saw despair and helplessness in Jakurai’s eyes. He hated that sight.

“Ok, fine!” He sighed while looking at his empty glass. “I didn’t even savor it…”

Jakurai chuckled. “I’ll pay for another one.”

“That is the least you can do.” Hitoya replied. When Jakurai tried to move his hand away from his leg, he held it there. They looked at each other again and, after some long seconds, Hitoya posed the same question as before. “What happened?”

Jakurai took a deep breath before finally beginning to talk. “A few weeks ago, I met a new patient…”

[tennessoui]

this is probably too many prompts lol but uhhh obikin: #6 meeting at a coffee shop au; #24 literally bumping into each other au; #40 exes meeting again after not speaking for years au (i'm a sucker for breaking up and getting back together again lol); #42 star-crossed lovers au; #48 meeting again at a high school reunion au

hi!! you probably forgot you sent this at all and I wouldn't blame you in the slightest. I'm pretty sure someone else already asked for 24, 40, and 42, so I wrote #6 instead! warnings for this one: bittersweet in that both anakin and obi-wan are sad, also the author is sad, also this takes place in the midwest in america (this is the first fic that is obviously set in america!!! wow!!)

6. Meeting At A Coffee Shop Diner AU (1.9k)

“Have a seat anywhere you want,” the hostess tells Obi-Wan without looking up from her phone.

Obi-Wan blinks and then looks around the deserted seating area. “Thank you, uh.” She’s not wearing a name tag.

“Angel’ll bring you the menu and take care of you, thanks for coming in,” she says, glancing up at him and then away.

Well then. Obi-Wan reminds himself that customer service isn’t everyone’s strong suit, that she might have had a rough day, that he’s here for the quick food on his way through town, that his ego isn’t fragile enough that he needs to be led to a table with a smile.

The restaurant is almost completely deserted. There’s two truckers eating their weight in bacon and eggs at the counter, and a family of four seated around a table, resolutely picking at their food instead of talking to each other. And then there’s Obi-Wan.

He chooses a booth by the window, one that overlooks the absolute nothingness of midwestern American scenery. If he cranes his neck, he can probably see corn.

God, Obi-Wan’s sick of seeing corn, and he’s only been in this part of the country for a few hours. He needs to go right through most of it to get where he’s headed. He’s not sure how he won’t die of boredom.

The thought sends a pang through his chest. It’s too soon to think of death even in an offhand way. He taps his fingers on the cover of his leather journal, before a line of dark brown under one of them catches his eye. He studies his hand critically.

It’s been two days since the funeral. Surely he wouldn’t still have grave dirt under his nails. Surely things like that wash away eventually.

“Hey,” a voice says from in front of him. A man is turned around and kneeling up in the booth in front of Obi-Wan’s, leaning over the garishly red vinyl of the empty seat with a menu clutched in one hand. His hair is short and dark blond, an undercut with a long fringe settling over his forehead. He has a nice sort of smile, one that looks genuine but doesn’t touch his eyes. Obi-Wan notices how long the man’s neck is and how predominant his collarbones appear in the loose white shirt he’s wearing, before he forces himself to focus only on his face. “I’m Angel,” the guy says, passing over the menu. “Can I get you anything to drink?”

Obi-Wan accepts it gingerly. It looks like something that’s perpetually sticky. “Water is fine,” he says politely. “Thank you.”

“Will do,” Angel salutes him and ambles away. Obi-Wan watches him go before shaking his head to rid himself of any sort of thought, and opening the menu.

It’s standard food fare, of course. Breakfast options served all day if anyone were to come in and request them. Lunch and dinner options are also served all day, probably for the same reason: a diner like this can’t afford to turn anyone away, even if they want a hamburger at nine in the morning.

A glass of water clinks down onto the table next to him, making him look up at Angel, who’s looking at him curiously.

“You ready to order?” he asks, even though Obi-Wan is still very much looking at the menu and it’s also only been a few minutes at most since Angel gave it to him in the first place.

“Do you have any suggestions?” Obi-Wan asks politely. “I’ve never been here before. What’s good?”

“The water,” Angel says and then laughs like he’s said something funny. Obi-Wan finds his own mouth curling up at the sound. Sometimes people’s laughter is contagious, like a yawn.

And then Angel says, “You’re not from around here, are you?”

“No,” Obi-Wan admits. “North of Boston.”

Angel whistles, like Obi-Wan has said something impressive. “Boston, huh? What are you doing all the way out here?”

The pit in his stomach intensifies. He does his best not to look at his nails and the grave dirt that might still be under them. “Driving,” he finally says. “And are you...from around here?”

Angel’s eyes grow distant for a second, and when he focuses again on Obi-Wan, they’re cold. “Born and raised,” he tells him flatly. “Never got out.”

“Oh,” Obi-Wan doesn’t know what to do with the sort of bitterness in Angel’s tone. It complements his own well enough.

“If you like eggs, I’ll put you in for the house special omelette,” Angel declares suddenly, all business again. “It’s four eggs, tomatoes, peppers, cheese. The usual.”

“What makes it special?” Obi-Wan asks, closing his menu and setting it down on the table in front of him.

“For you?” Angel drawls, “I’ll watch the cook to make sure he doesn’t get any egg shells in it,” and then he winks, holding out his hand.

Naturally, Obi-Wan shakes it. Naturally, Obi-Wan realizes a second after feeling Angel’s warm, calloused rough palm against his own that the man had meant to take the menu from Obi-Wan.

He can’t remember the last time he’s blushed this red, but he is absolutely regretting everything about this road trip. God, he’d pay money just to be able to leave now.

He should get in his car and drive back to Boston. It had been a stupid idea to come out here anyway, a result of stir-craziness and a desire to outrun the death of his father.

And now look what he’s doing. Shaking hands with his handsome waiter, as if he isn’t thirty-nine and perfectly aware of social norms.

Thankfully, miraculously, Angel laughs and this time it sounds real. “It’s okay,” he tells him, reaching out to pick up the menu.

Luckily for everyone involved, Obi-Wan finds it very easy to laugh at himself. “Well. It’s nice to meet you, Angel, I’m Obi-Wan.”

“I’ll go put the order in,” Angel says, “Obi-Wan.”

He’s back within five minutes, sliding into the seat across from Obi-Wan. So much for no eggshells in his omelette, but he can’t bring himself to be disappointed. There’s something magnetically fascinating about Angel. He’d like to know more.

“So you’re driving?” Angel asks, picking up a thread of conversation from several minutes ago. “Where are you going?”

“I was thinking of Alaska,” Obi-Wan says. “I’ve--I’ve always wanted to go.”

“You’re driving from Boston to Alaska?” Angel whistles, raising his eyebrows in shock. “I think the gas money alone would cost me two months of work.”

Obi-Wan shrugs. It’s not like he makes much himself as a teacher in Massachusetts. “My father was a lifelong gambler,” he discloses without really knowing why he’s telling this to a stranger. “He came into a bit of luck near the end. A bit of a fortune as well. And when he...died, I inherited it and his house.”

Angel touches his hand softly. “I’m sorry,” he says. “When did he pass?”

Obi-Wan huffs out what might be a chuckle. “A week ago, actually. It’s summer break in Massachusetts--I’m a teacher--and I suddenly had nothing to stay for, for a bit. It was either leave for Alaska or find some other way to cope.”

He runs a hand--his free hand, the one Angel isn’t touching--over his beard as he gives the man a rueful smile. “Dad always wanted me to see more of the world.”

“My mom was the same way,” Angel leans forward to tell him, as if it’s a secret. Obi-Wan feels like it is a secret, that there’s something delicate and fragile in the air. Something that matches whatever emotion is filling up Angel’s eyes. “Always telling me to leave, go get famous, go get happy, come back and tell her about it.”

“You didn’t?” Obi-Wan asks, his chest tightening at the thought that the man before him could be unhappy.

“I couldn’t,” Angel sneers, looking out the window and propping his chin on his hand. Some things must be too close to the heart to tell someone to their face. “Mom got sick. I wanted to get out, I was so close. Graduated high school, packed my stuff. I was going to go to California. To Los Angeles, really make it big.” He rolls his eyes and scoffs, as if there’s something inherently funny about the dreams he must have cherished for so long.

“Then mom collapsed going down the stairs. Just passed out in the middle of the day. Doctors told us she was sick. Then life became all about treatment plans and monitoring symptoms and getting the money for the medicines and I never left. Got a job here when I was eighteen years old, right before I graduated high school. It’s all I’ve ever known, I guess.”

“And your mother?” Obi-Wan asks, mouth dry and heart all tangled up in itself for this stranger man, for Angel with the hard, sad eyes.

“Died a year and a half ago or so,” Angel says flatly like he’s repeated the words so often in his head that the truth digs no barbs into his flesh. Obi-Wan knows that voice is a lie. How often has he looked in the mirror this past week and told himself, ‘Qui-Gon Jinn is dead’? He can’t imagine a year and a half would make the pain go away.

“I’m sorry,” Obi-Wan says seriously, reaching across the table to touch Angel’s hand this time.

Angel shrugs but doesn’t pull away. “Is what it is, I guess,” he says. “I’ve made my peace with it. And the fact that I’ll never leave this godforsaken town.”

“You could,” Obi-Wan points out hesitantly. “You could leave tomorrow.”

For a second, a wild and previously undiscovered part of Obi-Wan wonders what it would be like, if Angel did leave tomorrow--with him. If they got into the same car and headed to Alaska together and Obi-Wan wasn’t alone at the wheel and Angel wasn’t alone in this town. If Obi-Wan could look over at the man in the passenger seat, asleep against the doorway as they crossed into Canada.

Obi-Wan wonders. Obi-Wan aches.

“I could,” Angel says, laughing once. “I guess I could. I guess I just can’t think of a good enough reason to.”

There’s a call of his name from the kitchen, and Angel stands and stretches, checking the time on his watch. “That’ll be your omelette, sir, which is perfect timing considering I’m off shift as of five minutes ago.”

“Thank you then,” Obi-Wan replies, ignoring the pang in his gut at the knowledge he won’t be able to keep talking to him. “It was nice meeting you, Angel.”

Angel’s face grows dark for a second as his jaw clenches. “That’s not my name,” he finally says, scratching at his neck with one hand. “That’s just what they called me when I started working here. Angel, like Los Angeles. Cause I told everyone for weeks this was a temporary thing, you know? I’d be going to California soon as mom got better. Guess they knew better than I did.”

Obi-Wan has never wanted to kidnap a grown man away from a place more, so he hides his hands under the table instead. “Would you tell me your name then?” he asks, wondering if he’s overstepping but needing to know too much to censor himself.

“It’s Anakin,” his waiter says, sticking his hand out, no menu to grab.

Obi-Wan takes it gently, turns it over, and cradles it between both of his hands. “Then it’s nice to meet you, Anakin.”

Maybe, he thinks as he picks at his omelette and watches Anakin shoulder his way through the front doors of the diner before disappearing down the street, maybe he can stay a day in this nowhere town. Just an extra day.

Yes, he thinks, taking a sip of his water. He’ll try the pancakes next.

[oopskashish]

Hi! Can I request a one shot Sirius x reader, where she is James sister, and tells Harry how she fell in love with Sirius at Hogwarts? Let’s pretend that Sirius did not die and Harry went to live with him and reader as a family. Thank you :3

A Promised Family

A/N: I am so so so so sorry for making you wait for so long. I was first thinking of writing everything from how he escaped and all that but damn that was too much. Instead I came up with this idea which seems pretty good to me and I am kind of rough with emotions of a reunion I read 5 minutes ago so I wrote something on basis of that. I hope you like it!

Pairing: Sirius Black x Potter!reader, Harry Potter x Potter!Aunt!Reader

Warning: heavy emotions, mentions of death, but there is fluff. And something that SHOULD have been done in the books but Rowling was a bitch to not do that.

Summary: After the war, Sirius, Harry and the reader reunite. They become a proper family as Sirius had promised, and a bittersweet truth from the past comes up.

Y/N ran through the broken halls of Hogwarts. She pushed her tired legs to their limit, her eyes wildly searching for two most important people in her life. She pushed through the crowds which consisted of people sobbing, laughing, hugging, and kissing each other.

But none of that mattered to her right now.

She came to a stop at the gates of Great Hall. Her eyes were somehow aching yet wide ache. She say the Malfoys hurdled in a corner, holding onto each other, Neville's grandmother hugging him tightly, and then finally she saw the spectacled boy.

Her nephew.

Harry Potter.

Her anxiety which was previously rushing along her veins calmed down by a half when she saw him hugging Ron. His brilliant hazel eyes lifted up and she saw tension leave his body as she saw him.

They both ran towards each other, not caring if a crowd was watching them. She enveloped the boy in her arms, holding him close to her as tears she has held back for months come pouring down her face.

She held him just as she did after the triwizard tournament when he was plagued by nightmares of watching that horrifying moment over and over again. When she laid awake at night, surviving on caffeine, because she didn't want to leave her nephew alone to deal with them. She would hold him to her chest and whisper that none of it was his fault.

But now, it seemed like both of them were doing that job without a word. They held onto each other, feeling the gust of relief wash over them in a blissful manner.

Neither of them could imagine what would they do without each other. She raised him through the most painful moments of her life. She raised him into the wonderful human being he is.

There was only one person in front of whom Harry could truly reveal who he is, his deepest of insecurities without having slightest fear of being judged. Whether it was asking how to ask a girl out for a ball or how to tame a dragon, he could trust his aunt with anything, including his tears.

Sobs wrecked his body as he cried into her neck. All the pain he has felt got undone in her arms through his tears. The world seemed to be a place so dark right now and he could only hold onto her to guide him through the dark he was so terrified of.

"Oh my sweet, sweet boy," Y/N whispers, her voice so heavy with emotions that she could break down into sobs at any moment. "You are so brave, so very brave."

For a moment, she reminicsed how she felt when she held her twin years ago. She had almost died during a mission but she survived, pushing death away and bidding it a farewell, she came back to life.

She remembered holding James in her arms so tightly because both of your biggest fears were the same.

Losing each other to death.

She remembered how they both had to hold each other and assure each other that they're alive for the rest of the day, after their boggarts came out to be each other's dead bodies in DADA class.

The marauders could not comfort him, your friends couldn't comfort you. Only each other's presence helped the two of you in both the situations.

And now, she felt just the same as she held Harry.

The pain only seemed to increase as she heard Harry's sob. Each sob shot a wave of pain which tore her soul into innumerable pieces. Each cry emitted a pain that would make cruciatus curse seem like a mere scratch.

"I am here with you, Harry, until the very end." She whispers in his ear, as his sob only seem to increase at her words.

After what felt like infinities, they both parted away, holding onto each other's hand. She wiped his tears away gently, giving him a watery smile that said words he needed to hear.

"Sirius." She heard him whisper as he stared straight ahead.

She exhaled and turned around to find the man she fell in love with in her sixth year. The man for whose innocence she faught so hard. The man whose innocence she proved to the world after the battle of ministry.

The man who could undo her soul just by looking into her eyes with those shiny grey eyes she found comfort in. The man who could make her feel like she is home just by holding her to his chest.

She seemed to still for a moment, as if someone has put a body binding spell on her. She could only look at him.

She noticed how his hair were tied into a little bun which made her knees week every time she saw it. She noticed a deep scratch over his sinfully handsome face which seemed to have stop bleeding.

Harry first hugged Sirius, seeking his warmth he needed so desparately. Sirius held him just as close, muttering words of comfort in his ear as tears whelmed into his eyes.

At that moment, she realised, she wanted nothing more than to be finally at home and bake something while they both prepared the dinner. She wanted nothing more than midnight conversations with Harry and Sirius, with hot chocolate in their hands.

She wanted nothing more than a proper family with them.

After a few moments, the two of them pulled away. Sirius turned to Y/N and he had a desparate look on his face which made her heart beat faster and faster.

She leapt into his arms, holding him by shoulders and one of his arm wrapped around her waist, holding her impossibly close to him and the other went to cup her jaw.

And they kissed.

They kissed each other slowly, desparately, and so passionately. They held onto each other, as if they would lose each other into the oblivion if they let go.

The sadness, tension, happiness, and a million emotions they were feeling right now all accumulated into a kiss they would never forget. They were like letters of a word, clinging to each to have some meaning and value.

Their kiss was so passionate that it could inspire another universe to be formed, sun to shine, and to create another heaven for each other. The universes could collide and the world could topple over but nothing could have broke them apart.

Y/N parted away, tasting salty tears on her lips. She didn't know if it was his or hers, she didn't know how many traumatic nights were to come, she didn't anything at that moment but that she could not lose him again.

"Y/N." Sirius whispered her name as he pulled her closer, resting his hear in her neck and taking in a deep breath of her scent which and calmed him to an incomprehensible extent.

"I thought I might lose you." Sirius squeezed his eyes close when he heard her voice whisper in that desparate tone. That tone which made him want to take away every ounce of pain that was in her and make it his own. It was that tone that made him want to hold her close and shower her with all his love and happiness till she was filled with it to the brim.

"I am here," he whispers, rocking her back and forth slowly. Holding her as the sky hold its stars. "I am here, and nothing can take me away from you. Nothing."

And nothing ever did.

-/-/-/-

It had been an year since the battle of Hogwarts. The final battle which left trauma in hearts of so many people, that plagued so many people's sleep, that left so many people haunted with emotions no one deserved to feel.

It was utter chaos but everything was settling back into place. With Kingsley as the minister, everything went as smoothly as it could. The death eaters, all of them, faced trial and litres of Veritaserum was used on everyone.

Mistakes of past couldn't be repeated afterall.

And in the midst of the chaos in the world. Y/N and Sirius were blessed with children of their own. Twins.

The two of them had been clinging to each other and crying out of sheer delight when they got the fantabulous news. Sirius wanted nothing more than settling down with his wife and godson in a place where they could see the sky and feel the sunshine.

And so they did. A quaint little cottage that had just enough rooms to fill in every detail they needed to have. Harry lived with them, and he would have even against his will because neither Sirius or Y/N were going to let him go after the battle for at least a few years, but luckily he needed their presence just as much as they needed his.

And now, as Y/N talked with George on the dining table, her hand resting on her very pregnant belly as Ginny and Harry prepared the dinner.

George had gotten closer with Y/N after the death of his twin because only she could truly understand how it felt to lose a twin. She helped him through emotions he could barely handle and helped him get back into a new life without twin but still managing to be happy.

They both knew it well that a part of them was dead along with their twin but they had to live on and carry on till they could meet each other again.

George had made a joke which made y/n laugh loudly, throwing her head back as she made a remark which made them laugh even harder.

Sirius smiled as he entered with groceries in his hands and set them on table. He made his way to his wife and kissed her lips and her belly, just as he always did when he entered the room in which she was.

"Hello, darling." He smiled.

"Hi, handsome. Got everything that was needed?"

"Yes, I did. Including your Hershey's chocolates and butterbeer." Y/N grinned and kissed his cheek in delight, already reaching for the bag and rummaging through it to find that chocolate that Remus introduced her to during her pregnancy.

"The cravings have gotten even sweeter?" George asks Sirius.

"You have no idea," Sirius says with a sigh, shaking his head. "Either she is having food which can burn her tongue or sickly sweet food. Or sometimes both at times."

"You put these children in me. Don't complain now." She says breezily, taking a sip of her drink and gave Sirius a glare.

Sirius leaned in and kissed her belly and her cheek. "I would never dream of doing that."

"Good."

Sirius chuckled against her lips and kissed them one more time till he heard three people gag. The couple rolled their eyes and parted away, a little disgruntled.

"Is the dinner ready?" Y/N asks eagerly.

"Yes, Aunt." Harry says, taking the pot off the stove. Sirius got up and helped with him and Ginny to serve while George made the table.

It was almost a rule that y/n couldn't do any household work. Considering she is very near to her expected delivery date and is very heavily pregnant.

At first she threw a fit but when her feet started to swell, she stopped that fit because Merlin knows how hard it is to do chores with them. Ginny had moved in with them recently to help with the pregnancy for which everyone was beyond grateful though she had a little knowledge about it, she was very helpful anyway.

The dinner was served, and y/n had it with a side of chocolate. Her steak was extra spicy, just enough to satisfy her and the babies.

"Have you guys decided the names?" Harry asks them.

"Well, somewhat yes. We are keeping a few options and then we will choose whatever suits the best." Sirius answers him, giving y/n a smile.

"We were meaning to ask you, Harry, if it would be okay if we name one of our sons after James. I will understand if you would want your son to have his name. In that case we can choose another name." Y/N asks him.

Harry thinks for a while before saying. "Actually I never told you this. I am sorry if I cross any boundaries, Sirius, but your brother Regulus was actually a true hero."

Sirius raised an eyebrow, hiding away his pain behind his gorgeous eyes and burying it further in his soul. "What do you mean?"

"Regulus actually hid one of Voldemort's horcrux in his room and had ordered Kreacher to destroy it. He had replaced it with another fake locket. It was what caused his death."

Sirius bows his head, squeezing his eyes shut.

He remembered how his little brother told him not to runaway, how he told him that they had to be together in this. How when Sirius was pushed to his limits, Regulus tried to comfort him.

He remembered pushing Regulus away and calling James his true brother, leaving Regulus in tears. How he ignored his letters after reading them.

He wished he could have done something different.

Something that would have kept his little brother alive. He realised that Regulus was a boy who didn't have a choice. In the seek of approval of his parents, he did things that he himself didn't approve of.

But he was proud of his little brother, for he managed to be braver than Godric Gryffindor himself. He was proud that at least he realised what is right and what is wrong and acted upon it.

Y/N reached for his hand and squeezed it, she leaned in his ear and whispered.

"My love, it's alright. Please don't worry. None of us could have known his actions."

Sirius nods at her, kissing her knuckles as if it could provide him some sort of comfort. He took a deep breath in and pushed away his doubts which he knew y/n would help him with after the dinner.

"I think you should name one of your sons after him, if you wish to." Harry whispers, unsure if his words are pushing his boundary or not.

Sirius squeezed her hand, gesturing her to speak on his behalf. "Thank you Harry, we will think more about it."

Harry bit his lip. "And if it's okay, can you choose another name or change the one of Dad a little? I always wanted to name my son James."

"Of course, sweetheart." She smiled at him.

And after a couple of weeks, Regulus and Rigel Black were born. Some of the, perhaps, most loved children ever to exist.

Sirius would smile at them as the twins would sleep, happy that his promise of having a family with Y/N and Harry was finally complete in the most lovely manner possible.

-/-/-/-

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[hotcheri]

Always Something There to Remind Me (a Jen/Khalil Black Lightning fanfic)

by hotcheri © 2021

DISCLAIMER: I own none of the Black Lightning characters. They solely belong to DC Comics and the CW Network. This is just my take on what could have happened after the show ended.

Prologue

Khalil's POV

They were meditating when TC crept into Khalil's mindscape like a thief in the night.

Well, at least, Khalil was meditating. He loved to empty his mind of all thoughts and focus on his breathing, relishing the mental stillness and the sense of peace he didn't have in his normal life.

Painkiller sat to the side of the mental dojo like he always did whenever Khalil was centering himself, a mocking sneer twisting his lips up as Khalil tried to ignore the rage that was baking off his mind twin like a rabid fever.

Painkiller was always angry, and the people he was mostly enraged at were the Pierces. Jen, to be exact. They lived in Painkiller's head rent free, and since Khalil shared the same mind as him, and almost all of his thoughts, the image of Jen was never far from Khalil. Pain in the ass Jen, who also happened to be Khalil's first love. What a mind fuck to love someone with all your heart while part of you needed to kill her and was in pure agony every second she was alive. Khalil didn't need anyone to tell him about mind fucks, having Painkiller relentlessly prowling through his mind was more than enough.

Every time TC appeared in Khalil's mindscape, Painkiller leapt up from his seat and started pacing back and forth in a tight little line like a tiger stalking its prey, hands clasped behind his back, nostrils flared, glaring at TC as if he wanted nothing more than to boot him out of his head after savaging him a little.

Too bad it's our head, and I'm trying to hear what he has to say.

The thought flitted through Khalil's mind grimly, and he sucked in a breath before opening his eyes and gazing at TC, who kept shooting quick little fearful glances at Painkiller. Khalil knew how he felt. Until he had started working actively with Painkiller, forcing the duality in his brain to coexist, he'd been terrified of him too.

"Uh, hi guys," TC started, his voice trembling as he looked around for exit points even though all he had to do was break the connection with the chip in Khalil's brain if he wanted to leave. Khalil supposed when someone entered a room and found themselves face to face with Painkiller, even if it was a virtual reality room, that person could get very scared very fast. In cases like that, logic was the first thing to escape.

Khalil liked the kid, had liked him even before he had locked Painkiller behind a firewall in his head and had shown Jen how to coax Khalil out of the safe space he'd created in his mind. Khalil knew without a doubt that the Pierces, especially Anissa, would have taken him out after Jen had blasted him with lightning to ward off Painkiller's attack on her family as he tried to complete the kill directive, because that's exactly what he would have done.

But TC had done the inconceivable. He'd managed to read Khalil's real thoughts, thoughts that had somehow filtered through the Painkiller operating system as soon as he set eyes on Jen. Thoughts that he must have been hiding way down in his secret heart, feelings that must have survived the A.S.A. mindwipe that transformed him into a lean, mean, biological weapon. As he lay prone on the table in Gambi's work station, on the verge of unconsciousness, his sharp ears had listened as TC, a total stranger, had his back.

"Hey. Who's Jen?" TC had interrupted the post fight argument, glancing around at the faces of people he didn't know.

Impatiently, with the touch of heat that Khalil loved and had missed with a sudden depth of emotion he hadn't felt since he was just track star Khalil, and not two warring parts of a government weapon whole, Jen replied, "That's me."

"He loves you."

And Jen's suddenly shaky, tear-filled voice had whispered, "How do you know that?"

TC's answer had been simple. "He told me."

Yeah, TC was good people. And even though the reunion between Khalil and Jen hadn't lasted, even though it had been bittersweet and doomed to fail with a painful, brusque ending, for a short, sweet time, he had been happy again.

But there was no use in thinking about that, no use in brooding over something he couldn't fix. With Painkiller in his head, being with Jen wasn't an option.

Painkiller was the first to talk, stepping forward as TC gave Khalil a half-hearted wave. "Oh, you must be crazy bringin' your ass here," he growled out in his distorted, angry voice.

TC took an involuntary step back, wringing his hands. Khalil could feel the fear in the kid increase as Painkiller stopped inches from his face, glowering down at him.

Raising a hand, Khalil talked to Painkiller like a patient parent calming down a tantrum throwing toddler. "I invited him," he lied, not caring that Painkiller would know that he hadn't.

Sharing his mind with a psychopathic, heartless killer sucked all the time, and keeping secrets was nearly impossible. Painkiller knew he was claustrophobic, that he loved trains, and that he thought about the one that got away daily. But when it came to people Khalil cared for, he didn't give a fuck if Painkiller knew he was lying to protect them from his rage. TC was a friend, and he wasn't going to let Painkiller's angry ass intimidate him.

"Don't think I won't kick your ass, too," Painkiller growled. Khalil fixed him with a steady look. He'd won more fights against Painkiller, especially after his return after a year long silence, and Painkiller knew it. After a few seconds, Painkiller sucked his teeth and resumed scowling at TC.

Spreading his arms out placatingly, TC asked, "What if I come with good and great news?"

A curious expression darted across Painkiller's face. Khalil caught it and grinned to himself. Psychotic or not, everyone liked the idea of good news.

"Speak," Painkiller ground out.

Swallowing nervously, TC said, "Tobias Whale is dead."

Okay, that was unexpected, and so was the rush of relief that coursed through Khalil's body, relaxing muscles that had been tense ever since he had started working for Tobias. Even though the A.S.A. mindwipe had taken all his memories and locked them away, they had been retrieved as soon as TC had put the firewall in his head, and so too had the underlying current of fear that always pulsed whenever he thought of Tobias.

And now his former boss, the man who had ripped out his spine and dumped him on the church steps when he was done with him, the evil torturer who had been responsible for leading Khalil over to the dark side was finally dead. Closing his eyes, Khalil sent up a prayer of thanks to a God he no longer strictly believed in.

Even after becoming Agent Odell's  chief asset, Khalil still harbored thoughts that Tobias would come to him, eager to finish what he had started, wanting revenge for Syonide's death, the attempted robbery at the club before Khalil and Jen became runaways, and every single other thing he'd done that had pissed Tobias off. He'd reluctantly come to believe that a showdown with Tobias was inevitable, and even though his road to atonement had led him to Akashic Valley and a new life, he always knew that Tobias would eventually come for him. It was in his nature. But now this piece of good news had been thrown into his lap and Khalil took a moment to bask in gratitude.

Painkiller's reaction was the polar opposite of Khalil's restrained joy. Anger blazed onto his face and his brow creased as he listened to TC give Khalil the best news he'd heard in a while.

Sounding like a petulant child after being asked if he had McDonald's money, Painkiller groaned. "Damn. I wanted to kill him." He fisted both hands into his unruly curls and glowering up at the ceiling. "That's not good news." Turning to Khalil, his voice turned wheedling. "Let me kick his ass just a little."

With a quick glance towards Painkiller, TC cleared his throat before dropping his bombshell. "I've isolated the system code for the kill order. I can free you."

TC backed away till his back was against the wall, as far as he could get from a snarling Painkiller. When he got furious, Painkiller acted just like a wolf ready to attack. Luckily, Khalil had him on a mental leash. Ignoring him, Khalil focused his attention on TC.

"TC, what is your other news?"

Khalil let out a shaky breath, a glimmer of hope blooming in his chest.

At last.

"Good." Both TC and Khalil turned to face Painkiller, who had a look on his face so unnatural that Khalil didn't immediately recognize it. He looked like a doomed man seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Is he...is he happy? "Let's do it."

"But there's a catch," TC started slowly, plucking nervously at his sleeve as his eyes slid from Khalil to Painkiller and back again. Khalil sighed, motioning to TC to continue. There was always a catch and he knew that better than anybody, but for a second he had allowed himself to believe that getting rid of the kill order that brought such pain to both Painkiller and him, finally being freed from the chains that the A.S.A had wound around his body and in his mind, was ripe for the taking, with no blowback. "It's linked to everything you know and love about the whole Pierce family. If you break the kill order, you won't remember the Pierces at all."

The breath went out of Khalil all at once, leaving him feeling weak and boneless. He was glad he was sitting down, because if he had been standing when TC spoke, the strength would have ran out of his legs. And even though this was all in his mind, his physical body had stopped breathing for a second, and he felt his heart skip a beat.

This wasn't a catch, it was a fucking dilemma. There had to be another way.

Chewing on his bottom lip, Khalil found himself thinking about the technology he and Painkiller had found in Maya's safe house. Surely there was something there that would help isolate the kill switch without messing with his memories more than they'd already been messed with? Because this alternative that TC was suggesting... it wasn't fair. After leaving Freeland to keep Jen and her family safe and away from him, hell, after saving Anissa's wife from kidnappers, after everything that had happened in Khalil's life to get him to this point in time, losing the only good memories he had left just plain wrong.

"So what?" Painkiller asked, his top lip turned up into a snarl. Whether he was oblivious to the wave of emotion Khalil was weathering, or if he just didn't care, Khalil didn't know. Painkiller knew what he wanted. He was tired of the agony that came with not fulfilling the kill order. "They're pains in the ass anyway!"

In a chillingly calm voice that brooked no argument, Khalil stared evenly at Painkiller and said, "Shut up and sit your black ass down." Shocked into obedience, Painkiller sank down to the floor as Khalil looked at TC, a pleading tone in his voice. "TC, there's got to be another way around."

"There's none." Khalil could hear the despair in TC's voice, and he knew he was telling the truth. Of course he was. "I've checked and I've double checked."

Painkiller was still silent, and Khalil turned to look at him. "Damn!" He clenched his fist so hard that the veins in his arm popped out, but he took no notice. "You won't stop, will you? Sooner or later you're going to kill Jen and the rest of the Pierces."

Nodding sagely, like he had been the one meditating, Painkiller said, "Best believe. But I'm not nobody's puppy." He pointed at Khalil, his face stern and absolutely serious. "Cut the damn cord."

The muscles in Khalil's jaw worked as he stood up, turning his back on TC and Painkiller so that they couldn't see the emotions playing across his face. He wanted to be free of the kill code more than anything, needed Painkiller to be at rest so that he could figure out a way to become whole again. But the cost- losing Jen again- was it just too great?

Khalil closed his eyes, and suddenly, he was back on the Pierce's roof with Jen after Painkiller had broken free of the firewall for a couple of nasty minutes to wrap his hands around Jen's neck. He could feel everything in that moment, the wind brushing lightly against his face, the shingles of the roof under his sneakers, the terrified look Jen shot him before schooling her features into a coolness Khalil had never seen on her face. Both looks hit him like a ton of bricks.

She was scared of him.

Painkiller had shown her his true colors and had, once again, pushed someone he loved away from him. And what she had said had chilled him to the core, a sudden lump rising in his throat, and tears smarting in his eyes as she let him go.

"I can't love a weapon that's pointed at my family, even if it does have a soul." Her shoulders hunched pitifully as she wrapped her arms around her legs, all at once seeming far younger than her years. "See you around, Khalil."

He took one last look at her, her curly hair brushing past her chin, her eyes chilly and flinty in the dusk as she turned away from him, blinking away tears of her own. "No. You won't," he said, and with that, he had exited Jen's life.

Some things you can't go back to. The way Jen had ended things between them still hurt, and the realization that he wasn't going to be able to salvage things with her caused him pain that was almost physical, but if TC was able to isolate the kill code and erase his memories of her, the pain would go. All the pain would disappear, and his fresh start in Akashic Valley would be just that, a fresh start.

Behind him, TC started to say, "If you need more time, I can-," but by now, Khalil's mind was made up. There was no other choice.

"I always known I'd give my life for that girl." Khalil heaved a sad sigh, running a hand over his face as he turned to look at a nervous TC and an impassive Painkiller. Painkiller smirked, knowing what decision Khalil had made, and in that moment, Khalil hated him, the A.S.A., Odell- everyone who had gotten him into this situation. Especially himself. "Never thought I'd have to forget her." A nod towards TC. "Do it."

TC nodded dumbly, just as another thought flitted into Khalil's mind. If TC was able to isolate the kill code and erase some of his memories, wasn't it possible that he could remove his very worst memory?

Before he left Freeland for good after shooting Odell and letting Black Lightning deal with the evil son of a bitch however he saw fit, Khalil took a detour to the cemetery, picking a bunch of blooming flowers from the ramshackle garden of Mrs. Sutton, the Payne's old landlady. Khalil didn't think she would mind, she had loved Nichelle Payne dearly.

Once at the cemetery, he had laid the flowers on his mother's grave, sat down with his back resting against her tombstone and cried a little. Nobody had been around to see him; Freeland residents weren't crazy about going to the graveyard at nighttime.

"I shot the guy who made me kill you, ma," he'd whispered, his words blown away by the breeze as the tears blurred his vision. "I know you always said vengeance never pays, but I had to do it. I'm sorry, ma. I love you, and I'm so, so sorry."

Nichelle Payne had raised him to be the best in whatever he did, and what had he done in return? Snapped her neck, and the best excuse he could come up with was he'd just been following orders. The knowledge weighed heavily on his soul, and he knew that he would pay for it in time. Everything comes due. But if TC could somehow make him forget...

"I can try," TC said doubtfully, and Khalil raised his eyes from his clenched fists, remembering where he was through the sadness that engulfed his soul.

"No." Khalil shook his head, resigning himself to reality. "It's part of who I am, and I need to find redemption for it, or a way to live with myself."

TC opened his mouth and hesitated before shyly asking, "Do you want to- I mean, I could give you Jen's number and you could talk to her one last time?"

Painkiller groaned, storming around the circumference of the dojo angrily. "Can we fucking do this already? No more flashbacks, no phone calls- get this kill order the fuck out of my head!"

"Our head," Khalil reminded him. "And right now, I'm in charge." He bit his lip, wrestling with himself. Saying goodbye to Jen wouldn't make things better, it would just bring home the truth that he would never see his first girlfriend again, and even if by some weird coincidence he did, he wouldn't know her. It was stupid. They already said their goodbyes on the Pierce roof, what would he gain from this? "What's her number?"

Painkiller actually growled at this and stomped off somewhere. Khalil could still feel him burning in his mind, but it looked like he had opted out of being a part of Khalil's final goodbye. Not that Khalil minded in the least. Before Painkiller, his relationship with Jen had been special. He didn't want his insane mind twin tainting the very last moment he would have with her.

Courteously, TC severed the connection with Khalil's brain chip, promising to return when the phone call was over and start the process. Khalil stared down at his phone and punched in Jen's number before he could lose his cool. Meditation seemed like a lifetime away, it was all he could do to keep his heart from galloping away like a war horse.

Jen's phone rang once, twice, three times, and Khalil was just about to hit the end button when suddenly-

"Hi." Jen's bold, brash voice was in his ear, and Khalil forgot to breathe. The background noise was filled with laughter and music, a noise that Khalil associated with family time, even though he was never fortunate enough to have enjoyed family time with his mother working two jobs, his father in jail, and his brother running the streets with the 100. "You know you're calling from a- Anissa, stop!" Khalil closed his eyes, savoring the sound of Jen's hearty giggles as someone- Anissa, probably- tickled her or something similar. "You're calling from a private number, who is this?"

A male chuckle sounded, and Khalil recognized Gambi's voice sounding from the distance. "Probably a scam, hang up before they get all your info."

Same old Gambi, trusting nobody. A wistful smile turned up Khalil's lips, but he still couldn't come up with a thing to say. It was like all his thought circuits were down, and he wondered if Painkiller had something to do with it.

"Helloooo? Who is this?" Jen's voice turned speculative, and she gave a derisive snort. "This better not be TC playing with me again, how many times do I have to tell you I'm not going to prom wit' you?"

"I'm literally right here," TC protested in the background.

And Khalil found that he couldn't bring himself to say anything, let alone goodbye. He wasn't great with goodbyes, anyway, so who was he fooling? "Uh, sorry," he muttered. Why had he thought this would be a good idea again? "Wrong number."

In the few seconds it took for him to press the end call button, Jen's voice sharpened with recognition and she exclaimed, "Wait, that sounds a little like-."

Call ended blinked up at him from his phone screen as his pulse jumped in his throat. Safe getaway. Of course, he'd ended the call before Jen could say his name, or even more hurtful, the name of somebody else.

But fuck, hearing her voice was bittersweet.

"You hung up?" TC was back in his head, eyes gleaming with relief that Painkiller wasn't around.

Nodding, Khalil strove to keep his face blank and impassive. "Yeah. I'd rather remember her the way she was on that phone, happy, carefree, pain in the ass J."

She sounded happy and normal, like the old her, before the 100 had kidnapped her and she had discovered she had powers. She sounded like the Queen of Garfield. By coming back into her life even for a few seconds, he might jeopardize that happiness, and if there's one thing he wanted her to be after the events of the past few years, it was at peace and she wasn't going to find it with him.

"But you didn't get to say goodbye."

Pity was written all across TC's face, and once again, Khalil felt the wave of sadness engulf him. Did it ever stop? Even with his memories of Jen gone, would he really be at peace?

"I didn't need to." Khalil stopped, his shoulders slumped, and came to stand next to TC, who was still looking at him with that sympathetic look on his face. "TC..."

Looking up at him, TC said, "Yeah?"

"Don't tell her."

TC let out a dramatic gasp that made Khalil crack a smile, even though he had never felt less like smiling. "What? But I was just about to-?"

"No." Khalil shook his head resolutely. "Let her live her life." TC opened his mouth to protest, but Khalil talked over him. It was the only way. "You told me she lost the guy she was seeing, and she's already lost so much. Just- let her think what she's been thinking, that I left Freeland to live my life." He started pacing like Painkiller sometimes did, back and forth, his arms behind his back as he spoke. It felt like atoning for his sins. "I poisoned her. I almost killed her."

Interrupting, his voice utterly horrified, TC exclaimed, "That was Painkiller, not you!"

"Yeah, but don't you get it? He's in me, so even if I know that I'm not the one doing the poisoning, everyone else thinks it, because he's in my head wanting to kill all the time." Khalil stopped pacing and turned to TC, his face serious. "With the kill code gone, we can co-exist without the anger and rage that drives Painkiller. I came here for a fresh start and removing the memories of the Pierces will give me that." To show that he meant business, he clapped his hands together. "Let's do this. How's it gonna work?"

Getting back to business removed the pity from TC's face, and Khalil was glad. Seeing that look on his normally cheery friends face and knowing it was directed at him made him feel like even more of a shitty person.

Tapping his chin, Khalil asked, "So I won't remember that they're metas as well?"

"You'll forget about them. Anything related to them, too."

TC's eyes started to flash green as he went over the logistics of changing Khalil's life.

"No, you'll remember that, you'll know about Black Lightning, Thunder and Lightning, you just won't know their identities. You won't remember they're Pierces."

Nodding, Khalil said, "Got it." Actually, it sounded confusing to him, but he would cross that bridge when he came to it. "But if I want to reinstate my memories, can't I just come to you and-."

TC laughed as Khalil made a casual popping noise with his tongue in his cheek. "No. You won't even know that your memories are gone."

"And you're sure they'll stay gone."

This was the most important part. What ifs ran through Khalil's mind with the speed of a Formula One car. If he somehow ran into the Pierce sisters on vacation. If he helped someone from a mugger and it turned out to be Doctor Pierce? If Black Lightning ended up in Akashic Valley like Anissa had and they ran into each other?

Shifting from one foot to the other, TC said, "Um, 90% sure."

"90?" Khalil asked incredulously.

TC shrugged. "That's an A."

"I used to get straight A's in school," Khalil said musingly. "And then Odell dropped a few Master's degrees into my head, but that happened after I stopped caring about grades." TC gave him a confused, yet concerned look, and Khalil said, "Let's get rid of these memories."

A few minutes later, Khalil was lying on an operating table, a brain scanner that looked like a crown on his head. Philky just happened to have one lying around, which was pure Philky, and after TC had uploaded his program into the lab's computer, he'd told Khalil's master of tech exactly what to do. Donald was on standby in case something went wrong medically. And Painkiller? He was still in the dojo, and Khalil could feel the excitement thrumming through him. Khalil didn't blame him; he was excited too.

A high-pitched whine started up, and Khalil felt a pinprick of electricity tickle his forehead as the process started. TC had warned him about this.

What TC hadn't warned him about was, as the memories left, they replayed in his head, almost like a flashback reel.

Khalil saw himself on the Pierce roof with Jen, giving her a chaste, shy kiss as she agreed to be his girlfriend.

He saw himself stealing into Garfield High and meeting up with Jen by the lockers after enduring more abuse from Tobias, knowing that she was the only person he could really talk to despite what had gone down between them. Sitting down in silence, not needing to say a word because their connection was that powerful.

He saw them running away together, Jen using her lightning powers in front of him for the first time and blasting the 100 hoodlums. How he'd kissed her later on and it had been electric, and the hottest kiss he'd ever had.

He saw himself (the memories were blurry around the edges, soon they'd be gone but so would the kill code, it was for the best but it hurt, TC didn't say it would hurt this much) sitting next to Jen in his special place, his private place, his favorite place, the abandoned subway car, eating ramen and reminiscing on how he had asked her to be his girlfriend, and he had been so shy when he gave her the necklace, something that had caught his eye in Freeland's jewelry store and he'd saved up for two months to buy it for her, a necklace he was giving to her for the second time because he loved her, and he'd lost her once and wasn't about to let her go again and...

The memories faded as Khalil's mind cycled through the deepest, darkest levels of consciousness, and there was only darkness, and finally, blissfully, peace.

(See more on ao3 or wattpad!)

[wishingtobeinadifferentuniverse]

Never Was Part 2(Bilbo x Elf!Reader)

PART 1

Summary: Just a continuation of the first part, nothing super special

Warnings: None, fluffy

Word Count: 586

A/N kind of a drabble, but I got this great idea from a friend on how to continue it! Enjoy xx

~~~~~~~~60 Years later~~~~~~~~

A new age approaches. Threats are rising. The time of elves is ending. But an unexpected visitor arrives In Imladris, unbeknownst to me. He walks slow, wearied, old. Older than the last time he set foot here. Lord Elrond had summoned me, having me help him with preparations to leave. The time of elves was ending soon. I had been gone, preparing, waiting. The visitor arrived while I was departed, asking for me. Waiting for me. I did not know.

I left, like many of the elves, to the docks. Leaving the humans to their fate. We made our way there, saying our last goodbyes to Middle Earth. But something changed. I did not, could not, leave with the rest of them like I was instructed. I felt a pull, indescribable, back to Imladris. Stronger than the pull to the sea. Everyone else was safe. I would be alright, granted that I met no orcs along the way. So I traveled.

The visitor still awaited my arrival. He had finally come back to me after all, even after I believed he wouldn't. After all, an evil unknown had befallen him, twisting his mind, his livelihood. Subtly, but enough for him not to come back to me. Slowly, he walked, picking up bits and pieces of my hearts left with others. He gathered them, one by one, reassembling them. After all, it was meant for him. He heard that many elves had left, and he assumed I was one of them. It almost broke the little that was left of his true self. He wallowed, wishing, hoping, finally feeling what I had felt all those many years ago.  

I rode back to Imladris, much to the surprise of Lord Elrond. But he welcomed me home with gracious hands. He walked with me through the halls, hearing my reasoning for coming back. He smiled, very obviously knowing something I do not. We entered a room, and I stopped. Could it be? Elrond departed discreetly, millions of emotions going through my mind. He was...older. Much older. But still a small skip to his step. He smiled hesitantly as if he was worried to overwhelm me. But that was the least of my concerns. I walked over to him, kneeling down, breathing in the scent I thought I had forgotten. He lifted my chin with his hand, pressing his lips to the top of my head.

It was a bittersweet reunion, what with the occasion that he was here. Elrond later explained to me that the ring of power had been in his possession, therefore corrupting his mind and well-being. Why he hadn't come back to me as he had promised in his silent goodbyes. But he had finally come back now. He came back, to me.

Yet the war was looming, death another threat. We stayed in this safe haven, all until his young nephew did what no others could. He somehow aged even more after coming here, and I worried. I would not lose him, not now. Not after everything. Then I realized, the time of elves was truly over, leaving and never coming back. This caused another worry. How was I to leave him, meleth nin (My love)? I could not bear it. Time passed. Emotions swirled all around me, threatening to take me. But I would not leave, follow the pull. I would stay with the stronger pull on my heart. And so we set off, to Valinor, for the life we would build together.

[vxlkyrie]

bittersweet - i

pairing: spencer reid x reader, jay halstead x reader, sonny carisi x reader

genre: angst, fluff

warning: cursing, violence, graphic crime details, mentions of rape, mentions of death, mentions of alcohol

word count: 3.7k

summary: a huge case calls for the bau, intelligence, and special victims, causing you to cross paths with your ex – that no one in your team knew about

other parts: two, three

a/n: holy shit it’s crossover time! this is my first series, so i hope you guys enjoy this first part. i also want to point out that the members of each squad don’t line up (we have the current svu and chicago pd squads with the bau team from like season 7) so bare with me lmao

you were sitting at your desk, twisting the ring on your left hand that sparkled under the office lights.

you and the bau were having dinner at rossi’s house celebrating your five-year anniversary dating spencer. everyone was in their own little world, conversing with one another.

“happy anniversary babe,” you smiled at the love of your life, planting a kiss on his lips. “i love you.”

“i love you too.” he smiled back, admiring your features. spencer took his wine glass and stood up.

“spence, what are you doing?” you whispered as he clinked his glass with a fork, turning everyone’s attention towards him.

“i would like to make a toast,” he started. “as you all know, today is a very special day for me and y/n.” he turned to you.

oh god. you thought to yourself as you felt your face heating up.

“i remember the first time we met. you walked - well, stumbled, into the bullpen, and almost dropped the box you were carrying.” spencer said, causing the others to laugh. “i turned around and ran over to help you. as you thanked me, our eyes met. and in that moment, i knew that i was going to be a sucker for you.” he continued, making you smile wide. “after a couple of months of pining over you, you made the first move of asking me out – you weren’t one for tradition anyways. and ever since then, you have continued to make me into the man that i am today.”

you could feel tears building up.

“i was the most awkward guy in the office that annoyed everyone with statistics, but you never interrupted me. you listened to the many thoughts and facts that run through my mind every second of every day. you’ve helped me come out of my shell, taught me how to love, and i will forever be grateful to you. to five years.” he finished, taking a sip of wine before setting down the glass.

“to five years.” you and the rest of the room said, raising their glasses.

“and to five more years. and many more.” spencer said, getting down on one knee and revealing a small velvet box that contained a simple, yet beautiful ring. “y/n l/n, will you marry me?”

you slapped a hand over your mouth as tears started falling. everyone screamed in shock, with derek cheering at how bold his best friend had become.

“yes! oh my god spence, yes!” you nodded furiously, wiping the tears off your face as you let your other half slip the ring on your finger. spencer held your face as he pulled you in for a passionate kiss, cheers echoing throughout the dining room.

you were smiling to yourself, before a familiar voice catches your attention.

“y/n?” you turned to see spencer giving you a small smile. he bent down to give you a kiss on the forehead.

“hey, what’s up?”

“hotch just said we got a case.” he chuckled, knowing that you weren’t paying attention to anything but the little ring that adorned your finger.

“oh right,” you said softly, feeling like you were a kid who was caught stealing cookies from the tin. “let’s go.” you grabbed spencer’s hand and walked towards the conference room, sitting down with the rest of the team.

“glad you two could join us.” hotch teased, earning giggles from emily and derek.

“now that the lovebirds are here, let’s get started,” penelope said. “we got a call directly from captain olivia benson from special victims in new york.”

“y/n’s old boss?” spencer asked, earning a nod from you and penelope.

“anyways, there has been nine victims from new york, chicago, and richmond. most recent one was a few days ago. all women were raped and murdered.” she continued.

“none of the victims look alike, do you know if any of them are connected in any way?” jj asked. 

“not as of right now, but i’m still digging.” penelope shook her head.

“if there’s no victimology, why do they need us?” derek asked.

“maybe they were victims of opportunity.” you chirped in.

“could be. but we also need to help build a profile of the unsub. maybe predict what he’s gonna do next.” rossi added.

“and we know he’s not gonna stop anytime soon. wheels up in 30.” hotch announced, cueing the rest of the team to grab their go-bags.

-

you felt anxious as you and the bau head up to the special victims office. it’s been years since you’ve seen anyone from your old squad.

“hey liv, you wanted to see me?” you said as you stepped into your boss’s office, taking the seat in front of her desk.

“yes. you’re going to be transferring to the behavioral analysis unit in quantico.” olivia stated. your eyes widened.

“fbi? there must’ve been a mistake.” you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion.

“oh there is indeed no mistake. i put in a recommendation for you myself, and they had just approved it. i think you’ll make a wonderful addition to the team.”

“but,” you paused. “i love it here. i don’t see myself in any other unit other than this.” you explained as you tried to keep tears from falling.

“y/n. i know that you love it here. you are great at your job. but i see the potential that you have. you were meant for so much more. working for the fbi is an amazing opportunity for you to grow. you’ve already proved to me that you are a great detective. now prove to the rest of the world that you’ll make an even greater agent.” olivia said, ignoring that tears that ran down both of your faces.

“y/n!” a female voice called out as soon as you walked through the opened door. your eyes locked with olivia’s as you practically run into her arms, giving her a tight hug. “how’s my baby been?”

“i’ve been great.” you said as you pulled away from her. you see amanda and fin walk up to you, greeting them with hugs, as well as briefly introducing yourself to kat.

“it’s a pleasure to finally meet you.” you smiled at her.

“you too, i’ve heard you left quite a legacy in special victims.” she complimented you.

“thank you. where’s sonny?” you asked, looking around to see if he was around.

“he’s on his way from the a.d.a.’s office.” amanda smirked.

“what? no way!” your jaw dropped. you smiled, feeling proud that your former partner’s late nights at fordham paid off.

“hey, whatchu doing?” you asked sonny as he opened a big textbook on his coffee table.

you decided to crash as your best friend’s apartment after a long case.

“studying. i’m taking the bar exam pretty soon.” he answered as you took the seat next to him on the couch, leaning your head on his shoulder.

“it’s already late,” you whined. “and besides, you have plenty of time until the exam. we’ve had a long day, don’t stress yourself even more.”

“i would like to sleep too, but this exam is really important to me. i’m sleeping on the couch anyways.”

“no you’re not. this is your place, you should be sleeping in your own bed. i’ll sleep here.” you pouted.

“not a chance y/n. go to sleep already.” sonny said.

“not until you go to sleep.” you squinted at him as you stayed on the couch. sonny chuckled at you, returning to his textbook.

you played with your phone on the couch for what seemed like forever. you felt your eyes slowly take over as you slipped into unconsciousness.

sonny turned to your sleeping figure with your phone laying next to your head.

“dork.” he chuckled, picking you up bridal style and laying you on his bed, placing the comforter over your body.

“sleep well, doll.”

“no way. is that y/n l/n?!” a loud voice echoed through the squad room.

speak of the devil.

you turned around to see sonny standing tall and proud with open arms. you walked towards him, wrapping your arms around his torso.

“i’ve missed you so much, doll.” he laughed. “how’s everything?”

the rest of the team laughed as they watched your little reunion with your old friends. spencer couldn’t help but smile, remembering the times you told him about your days as a special victims detective in new york.

“this is my boss, olivia benson. the sweetest woman ever – she’s basically my second mom. her son, noah, he’s the absolute cutest. she told me he started taking ballet lessons,” you said as you pointed at a picture of you and the squad eating dinner. “this is fin tutuola. he’s like my second dad. he helped me when i first started in special victims. helped me with being more tough.” you continued, flexing your arms.

“well, you are pretty tough.” spencer chuckled as he hugged his pillow closer to him.

“right here, that’s amanda rollins. she’s a total badass. she’s like jj and emily combined,” you said, earning a surprised look from your boyfriend. “she has two girls – jesse, total sweetheart, and billie, who she had recently given birth to. and this guy,” you pointed towards a taller man. “is dominick carisi jr., but we call him sonny. amazing detective. even passed his bar exam. he was my partner before i left. he was there for me when i felt like giving up, but he never gave up on me.” you smiled sadly.

“he sounds like a great man.” spencer said, running his fingers through your hair.

“he is,” you nodded. you looked up at spencer. “you okay baby?” you asked, noticing his demeanor had slightly changed.

“yeah, everything’s alright.” he gulped.

“you know i love you and only you, right?” you said, lacing your hand with his. spencer nodded. “you have nothing to worry about. sonny is my best friend. he sees me as a little sister. nothing to worry about.”

“i know.” he smiled at you. you weren’t convinced.

“hey,” you gently placed your hands on each side of his face. “seriously, you have nothing to worry about.” you practically whispered.

“and i believe you,” spencer said, placing his hands over yours. “i’m sorry if i get jealous when the love of my life talks about another man.” he confessed.

“don’t be sorry,” you sighed. “i’d be jealous too.”

“can i ask you something?” spencer asked as you took his hands into yours. you nodded at him. “did you, uh, ever had feelings for him?”

you inhaled deeply. you knew you had to be honest with him. you love him enough to trust that he wouldn’t be hurt by what you’re about to confess to him.

“for sonny? to be honest, yeah, when we first became partners,” you started, your grip on his hands getting a bit tighter. “we were just so close to each other and he protected me, and i couldn’t help but fall for him.”

“what changed?”

“i guess he only saw me as family. he told me about his little crush on amanda, and i knew that he would never see me like that. i got over it quickly, especially because i never told him how i felt. i knew that i can’t let my feelings affect my work.” you sniffed.

“thank you for telling me this y/n.” spencer said.

“well, you asked. and i trusted that you wouldn’t get mad.”

“thank you for trusting me.” he smiled, pecking your lips before you both fell asleep.

“it’s great to meet you captain benson.” hotch said, shaking hands with your former boss.

“it’s great to have you all here.” she grinned.

“this is ssa emily prentiss, derek morgan, david rossi, jennifer jareau, technical analyst penelope garcia,” hotch said, pointing everyone out as he introduced them to the special victims team. they all shook each other’s hand (with spencer waving his hand from the back of the group). “and this is doctor spencer reid.” he finished. the rest of special victims turned their heads towards the tall man that stood out from the rest of the bau.

your phone rang, notifying you that you were getting a facetime call from your old partner. you pressed the accept button, seeing the screen fill up with sonny as well as the rest of your old team.

they must be having dinner together.

“hey everyone!” you beamed at them.

“hi y/n!” sonny said first, followed by the rest. 

“it’s been so long since you’ve called.” olivia said.

“i know! i’m sorry! i’ve been flying everywhere for the past few weeks.” you apologized.

“don’t worry doll, we’ve all been busy trying to save the world.” he teased.

“so, how’s that boyfriend of yours?” fin chimed in from the background.

“yeah, what’s his name? sean?” amanda asked.

“spencer.” you laughed as you corrected her. “and he’s great! he actually fell asleep earlier.”

“damn, and just when i thought we were gonna see his face today.” amanda sighed.

“well, i think you guys are gonna meet him real soon.” you smiled.

“i know that look on your face. what do you mean by real soon?” sonny squinted at you. you smiled even wider as you held your left hand towards the camera, ring on full display, laughing as screams came from your phone.

“congratulations!”

“so this is spencer?” olivia quirked an eyebrow at you and smirked, making you and spencer blush. everyone else giggled. “come on, i’ll get you guys a room so you can set up. hotch, y/n, can we talk in my office real quick?”

the detectives led the agents into a big conference room. you glanced at spencer, giving him a look to tell you that it’s probably nothing and he shouldn’t worry about it. derek and penelope looked at you like you just got called into the principal’s office. you rolled your eyes as you stepped into olivia’s office.

“what’s up liv?” you asked as olivia closed the door.

“well, i’m sure you know that the murders took place here, virginia, and illinois.”

“that’s correct.” hotch affirmed.

“i wanted to let you guys know that i’m having chicago pd come in as well to show us what they’ve been gathering.” she said, looking at you.

“it’s a full house today.” you quipped. olivia took in a deep breath.

“specifically their intelligence unit.” she finished. your eyes immediately widened as your shoulders tensed up. your actions don’t go unnoticed by your current boss.

“are you okay y/n?” he asked, earning a nod from you. “is there something about intelligence that i should know?” he raised an eyebrow.

did someone turn up the temperature?

“i, uh, i used to date someone from intelligence.” you confessed.

“and you didn’t bother to inform me?” hotch sighed. “who?” he asked curiously, raising his other eyebrow.

“hey babe.” a male voice greeted through your phone as you held it up by your ear.

“hey jay.” you answered back as you laid in your bed.

“when’s the next time you’ll be in chicago? i heard this new japanese restaurant just opened up. we should definitely check it out when you fly over here.” he said excitedly. you smiled bitterly to yourself.

“as good as that sounds, i don’t think i’ll have time to be visiting chicago.”

“well, yeah. i mean we’re both busy, but i’m sure olivia would let you have some time off.” jay chuckled.

“i don’t think she will.”

“what do you mean?”

just spit it out already damn it.

“i-i, uh, i’m transferring units. i’ll be working behavioral analysis – in quantico.” you said, basically ripping the band-aid off.

“you’re gonna be an fbi agent? babe, that’s great! congratulations!”

“thank you. but it means i’m gonna be even more busy with work. i’ll be called in more, flying everywhere. i don’t even know if i can get a day off.” you explained.

“we can still work something out. and besides, you can come visit me when you have cases in chicago.”

“and what happens when the second i see you, i have another case in another state and have to leave?” you said, getting a little annoyed.

“y/n, it’s okay. i’ll understand.”

“jay, i don’t want you to keep waiting for me. you deserve to be with someone who will be there for you.” you felt tears building up.

“you’re there for me, even if it’s just by phone.”

“you need someone who will be there for you, physically.”

“that doesn’t matter to me, i just want you!” he exclaimed. you gulped, trying not to choke on your tears.

“you say that now. and then later you’ll be pissed that i had to cancel another flight because of another case coming in. you’ll be hurt, and i don’t want you to go through any of that. please, this is the best for the both of us.” your heart raced as jay stayed silent. “jay, please say something.”

“so, we’re just gonna break up like that?”

“jay,” you sighed. “you know i love you, and i always will, but you deserve someone who will make you happy, both emotionally and physically. and i hate that i can’t be that someone. we can’t do this anymore. don’t fight me on this one.”

“well, you can be stubborn sometimes.” jay laughed bitterly.

i can’t believe he’s trying to make me laugh while i’m covered in tears and breaking both of our hearts.

“i guess this is it then, y/n.”

“i’m sorry.” you simply said.

“yeah, me too. i won’t forget about you, you know that?”

“yeah, i know.” you softly exhaled through your nose.

“if you need anything, and i mean anything, i’m one phone call away.”

“thanks jay.” you sniffed, wiping your face clean of any remaining stray tears.

“have a good night.”

“you too.” you said, letting him hang up.

“jay. jay halstead. we broke up after my transfer got approved. but it’s not like we’re on bad terms or anything.”

you two weren’t on any terms at all. you haven’t spoken to him since the breakup. it’s as if you never knew him.

whenever the team had cases in chicago, you never mentioned to anyone about your history in that city.

“does spencer know?”

“n-no,” you said quietly, earning a look from hotch. “he never asked. look, what i had with jay was years ago, and you know i love spencer – no matter what. my past relationship will not affect our work, sir.” you explained. hotch nodded at you.

“i’ll see you in the conference room.” he said, leaving the room. you turned to olivia.

“it’s good to see you again, in person.” she said, giving you a small smile.

“you too.” you said as you got up.

“so you really love him, don’t you?” olivia suddenly asked. a smile instantly painted your face as you touched your ring.

“i do.”

-

you and hotch walked into the conference where your team was setting up, files laid out on the table as well as pictures and maps being hung on several white boards.

“you didn’t tell us you were dating an actual genius.” amanda smirked as she, kat, and carisi stood near the door, watching spencer mark the maps.

“i didn’t know shaking hands was dangerously unhygienic. should’ve introduced myself to reid with a kiss.” carisi joked, making you chuckle. you could hear derek, emily, and jj giggling at their comments.

“i like this one.” rossi said, pointing to the other italian man in the room.

“so what did benson talk to you guys about?” derek asked out loudly.

“the intelligence unit from chicago will be joining us on this case.” hotch announced, causing your old team to snap their heads at you. you remained quiet as you pressed your lips together, walking towards your fiance.

“you okay? you seemed very flushed.” spencer said as he rested a hand on your cheek.

“yeah. what do we have so far?” you changed the subject, looking at the different boards that seem to have been separated by state.

“three victims from each state.” emily said, sighing as she hung up photos from the crime scene.

“at first, we thought there were no connections between the victims, but garcia found out that one woman from each state was an alumnae of the same sororities.” spencer said as he added pictures the victims in each of their greek letters.

“these three,” you started, looking at one victim from chicago, one from new york, and one from virginia. “were in kappa alpha delta. these three,” you looked at the next set of victims. “were in sigma phi kappa. and these three were in delta xi.” you said, turning around to see derek with a surprised expression. “i was in a sorority.” you clarified.

“in all the years i’ve known you, i didn’t know you were a sorority girl.” he smirked.

“you should see her apartment. she has letters everywhere.” spencer laughed.

“anyways,” you shook your head. “are we looking at an unsub who was probably rejected by someone in each of these chapters?”

“a man whose sexual advances were rejected?” amanda asked.

“probably. it could also be a woman who wanted to join a sorority and was rejected by all of these houses.” you said.

“those three chapters have been said to be top houses.” penelope added.

“house rankings are bullshit.” you muttered to yourself. but apparently your fiance heard you, quietly chuckling over your comment.

“that doesn’t explain the rapes.” carisi quirked an eyebrow.

“what did the autopsy report say?” jj asked.

“cause of death was a clean slit to the throat. each woman was sodomized before they were killed – wait a minute.” kat said as she read off the file.

“what is it?” emily asked.

“blood report found traces of rohypnol and brodifacoum.”

“brodifacoum?” derek asked.

“rat poison.” you answered. “we’re looking for a female unsub.”

“why female?” carisi asked.

“poison is usually associated with female killers,” spencer answered. “also, the m.e. wrote down that each woman was sodomized with what could possibly be a blunt object.” he explained, carisi nodding at him.

“damn, they’re good.” fin said.

a knock caused everyone to turn their heads towards the door that quickly opened, revealing olivia.

“hey liv, what’s going on?” fin asked.

“intelligence just arrived.” she said. you gulped the lump that suddenly appeared in your throat.

shit.

[luxshine]

The Great Supernatural Rewatch Project - Salvation

I started writting this in the middle of season 13 but RL and work and some mental health issues made me take a step back from fandom in general and well, I was also fearing this would be an unending job since the series JUST.KEPT. GOING.

However, now that the series is done (And omg, what a clusterfuck that was. My tallies are going to go insane if I get there) and thus there’s an ending in sight, I will do my best to finish season 1, and try and get the rest of the seasons in a more timely manner. Say, before they do the inevitable reunion and ignore the last episode completely.

(I’m going to be honest, part of the problem was that Supernatural used to be SO good back then, and when I see the new episodes I weep a bit inside. I can’t believe they were so much better at creating story arcs when they weren’t TRYING to create story arcs)

Of course, now we all know that Dean’s plots in general will not have a happy ending no matter what, and that makes that particular tally bittersweet. But there are STILL people who claim that nope, Dean was never mistreated by the writers and well, Jack damn it, I am not going to let that claim go without bringing numbers to the table. Hopefully, it won’t take me 15 years to finish (Because by then, I would be the only one caring I guess)

In any case, last lap for Season 1 and we begin with Salvation.

General stuff

A specific reason for me having rage quitted this episode in particular for so long: For some stupid copyright thing with Netflix, they don’t have Carry On My Wayward Son as the song for the final recap –at least in Netflix Latam. And Supernatural without Carry On My Wayward Son is no Supernatural. So I had to hunt my DVDs. Then my computer DVD player died. Then I decided to make 5 webcomics at the same time. THEN I decided to start doing illustration works, and three other projects and let’s just say I am a bit of a workaholic and leave it like that as the rest is not SPN-related.

Ahem.

Funny thing about the Road so Far –you know, besides being a LOT shorter than the ones we’re getting now- is that it focuses a lot more on DEAN at the beginning, while if you watch the show, well, we know most of those Dean scenes come from MoW episodes and not the actual mytharc. Another interesting thing is that if one believes those things to be chronological, it makes it as if the Colt had been with the brothers for a lot longer than half an episode, and that Sam’s issue with the visions is not that recent. Edition Magic everyone! Also, omg, they were babies when the series started, and how WEIRD is to see John looking at them with pride and smiling at Dean at some points.

Anyway, the recap and the epicness that is Carry On my Wayward Son ends and we start the actual plot.

Hello Pastor Jim. Goodbye Pastor Jim. And here Supernatural begins the long, long tradition of killing characters who could’ve been useful later on, and more importantly, that could’ve been the boys’s support system later on. While here it’s understandable since we need to show how dangerous and vicious Meg is –ah, irony that in about 8 seasons people will be rooting for her Redemption- it also makes the Hunters kind of useless. I mean, he has all that weaponry and only uses a knife? Sigh. Really, a waste. Pastor Jim as a concept was really intriguing –and I don’t think we’ve heard of any other hunter who was also a priest. Funny, when we have so many demons free now. There’s also the fact that when Pastor Jim claims that she can’t be in the church because it’s hallowed ground, she replies that “That might work with the minor leagues, but not with her” and I wonder… did we ever got a demon that couldn’t enter a church? Because right now out of the top of my head I can’t remember, and yet Pastor Jim was surprised but later no one seems to think it weird there were signs of demonic activity around his body. Another sign that, as engaging as the series was, once we start digging the world building, things fall apart very quickly.

Actually, if I may digress for a bit, here we have the very first look at Supernatural´s second biggest problem: killing support characters that may have been useful lately. Here it is because Kirkpe had this weird idea that Hunting would never be glamorized by the show/fandom and it would be a completely miserable and lonely existence. He also didn’t think that the series would survive past season 2. So, ok, killing the guy we only knew by throw away lines didn’t seem so bad. By season 13 every single recurring character had died at least once –and there were petitions to bring back I think every one of those who haven’t come back- it’s a big problem.

As I restarted writing, I also realized that the mere existence of Pastor Jim and his room of awesome research and weapons creates a problem in the future about the Men of Letters because… ok, so ONE member of the clerigy knew enough about demons and stuff to be a hunter and have THE Hunter as his main contact (John Winchester was sort of a legend back then. And he had also fell out of contact with many others so the fact that he and Pastor Jim were still friendly? Kind of interesting), but what about the rest? Did the Vatican have any contact with the British men of Letters or the American ones? And if so, what the hell did they think when suddenly ALL the Men of Letters disappeared? Ok, so that’s a lot of stuff that doesn’t matter right now as it won’t actually exist until much, much, MUCH latter, but see what I mean when I say that they didn’t plan anything and the lack of a series bible hurts the show more than it helped it thrive? I am realizing right now I could write a whole treaty on the Men of Letters and their non-relationship with hunters ONLY using this cold beginning and the Henry Winchester episode.

But this is not the time for that, so we get our title card and a very, VERY young Jeffrey Dean Morgan.

We move to John who is explaining off camera everything he knows about Yellow Eye´s plan. We can tell it´s not much as he thinks it came out of hibernation and that the whole attacking families is part of a cycle, but back then it was impressive how much he had managed to find out about this demon. We also know that it attacks exactly when the baby in the house is six months old, which brings us to this little jewel:

JOHN It starts in Arizona, then New Jersey, California. Houses burned down to the ground. It's going after families, just like it went after us.

SAM Families with infants?

JOHN Yeah. The night of the kid's six-month birthday. 

SAM I was six months old that night?

JOHN Exactly six months.

SAM So basically, this demon is going after these kids for some reason. The same way it came for me? So Mom's death...Jessica. It's all because of me?

DEAN We don't know that Sam.

SAM Oh really? Cause I'd say we're pretty damn sure Dean.

DEAN For the last time, what happened to them was not your fault. 

SAM Right. It's not my fault but it's my problem.

DEAN No it's not your problem it's our problem!

 Now, in the following seasons we will know that yes, it was ALL about Sam. But right now, the characters and the viewers don´t know that. We know that a lot of families were killed by the demon (That at this point was still “The demon” and wouldn´t become Azazael until later), and that he doesn´t take the children. So… how did Sam leap from “this demon attacks families with 6 month old children” to “It´s all about ME!”? He even ignores that Dean and John lost Mary for his last line, when he decides it´s his problem and not their problem. Also, and this is important for the “Dean is the most awful person to Sam” crowd… Dean immediately tells Sam that no, it´s not his fault. While he could harbor some ill feelings against Sam –and demon Dean, 8 seasons later, will voice them- at this point he is 100% on Sam´s side. There’s also a sideway glance from John to DEAN when Sam claims that everything is about him, and then I wonder exactly why, if John knew all about the fact that the demon chased six month old children specifically, he never resented Sam over it. One would think that given John’s love for Mary and deep desire to revenge, Sam would really be the outcast and the one only treated like a soldier (as he claims he was, but not really as we’ve seen), instead of Dean who was completely blameless in the whole thing.

(Also, this is the first time we see that Azazael´s plan didn´t make much sense IF we believed that Kirkpe had everything planned. But that´s a discussion for another time)

Anyway, John interrupts the argument to explain that while he has no idea what the demon is after (Another thing that later would be contradicted as he knew Sam had powers), but that he has managed to figure out his pattern of attack to the point that it even repeated it for Jessica’s killing (Even if much, much later, we’ll learn that it wasn’t Azazael the one who killed her, and Demons would completely forego the signs when attacking. Have I mentioned I miss the times when the myths made sense?) and the three of them pack up for their first real hunt together as they decide they will save the next baby on the demon’s list, in a town named Salvation.

Important thing to note: when John recites the demon signs, Dean immediately replies “that happened in Lawerence”. He remembers, quite clearly, what happened a week before his mother died even if logistically, at his age? He wouldn’t care nor notice. Sure, he remembers his mom’s death because that was traumatic. But random cow deaths before that? Weird show.

If Sam noticed or not the signs before Jessica died, we don’t know. John is the one who points out they happened.

After two gorgeous road shots where we see John’s truck being followed by Baby (yet another thing we lost, John’s truck. I know we needed to have the guys together all the time, but man, if Sam had inherited it, they would’ve been able to cover more terrain at times, have double the arsenal and maybe not being identified by everyone and their leviathan in season 7, but I digress), and just entering Salvation John stops, obviously spooked by something. As Dean stops behind him, they find out that Pastor Jim is dead, and John got a call from another hunter named Caleb to tell him. They assume it may be the demon they’re chasing, or maybe another demon that was looking for Pastor Jim specifically but that last theory is not very probable.

Here I have to pause to applaud Jeffrey Dean Morgan’s acting, as you can practically FEEL John’s despair at knowing an old friend of him died, and that HE was probably the cause for that death. A Winchester trait, of course, blaming themselves for everything bad that happens in their world, but unlike Sam’s early outburst, here it seems far more desperate. Of course, JDM had a lot more experience than Jared at that point, but I really wanted to make a note of it because we lost a LOT of that characterization for John, where he actually WORRIED about people and not just the hunt. Even as he decides the plan for finding out what baby the demon will take in a week, we can see him broken and confused. So much that while Sam calls him “sir” when receiving orders, Dean continues the conversation by calling him “Dad”.

John then declares that this ends now, obviously feeling responsible for what happened to his friend. A long shot from the flanderized man we’d hear about in future seasons who was infamous for letting his hunting partners die without so much as a second glance.

Also, and not to be mean to the writers, but in their endless accidentally making Sam unsympathetic, they made him say that there were too many children in the county that could be a victim and that it would take forever to check all of them. While I KNOW the intent was to make clear that they had a deadline of one week, it comes out weirdly as “I don’t want to do the footwork.” Seriously, writers should be careful with that.

Actually, let’s dissect that. Because I just thought of two ways they could’ve fixed it AND give us more info.

JOHN Now we act like every second counts. There's two hospitals and a health centre in this county. We split up, cover more ground. I want records. I want a list of every infant that's going to be six months old in the next week.

SAM Dad that could be dozens of kids. How do we know which one's the right one?

JOHN We check em all that's how. You got any better ideas?

SAM No sir.

So, first way to make Sam not look that bad: Give the line to Dean. I wouldn’t like it specially, but hey, he’s the sidekick, not the hero, and so far he has only wanted to bail on ONE hunt because he wasn’t sure it was a supernatural hunt so he’d be better standing than Sam in that regard.

Second way: Make Sam say that YES, he has a better idea. Because the brothers ALREADY faced Max, so he could say they could look for a baby that was a bit “strange”, like, with poltergeist stuff going around. John could not believe him, but at least Sam would be being proactive.

In any case, they separate as John planned and we see each of them get into the hospital records. We get a glimpse of John’s collection of fake IDs, that include one for a Morgue forensic doctor, then Sam getting a homely nurse giving him files and him taking notes, and Dean… getting flirty with a very hot nurse.

And I make a point of the “Oh, look, Dean is an irresponsible womanizer” trope because once again the writers shoot themselves in the foot by showing the opposite of what they were telling (And no, this time I can’t blame it on Jensen’s acting and refusal to look at his female co-stars without respect).

WOMAN Hi. Is there anything I can do for you?

DEAN (smiling) Oh God yes.

She smiles and looks down.

DEAN (Holding up his ID) Only I'm uh....working right now, so...

The writers here make us remember that a) Dean is AMAZINGLY charismatic, as the woman IS flattered and seems interested, and b) That he will NOT dump his work for a quickie. We don’t even get a “maybe later” that could make him look as if he was really into her. It’s just that he flirts naturally, or at least, this is what we can infer now, as so far he hasn’t had any one night stand fling. The one time we saw him have a sexual encounter in the middle of a hunt was with an ex-girlfriend.

And again I have to wonder what was Sera Gamble’s intention with those scenes as yes, this was written by the same team as Faith, another episode where Sam’s good intentions tend to have a darker side, and gave Dean some amazingly cool scenes.

We don’t know what Dean says to the woman, as we cut back to Sam, coming out of the hospital just in time to have a very convenient vision of a woman, a nursery and a fire. Thankfully, the vision also comes with the useful audio hint of a train passing by, so Sam gets out his map and starts checking where that could be, which leads him to the house in his vision.

And by this point, we know we’re in the right track and this is an important Myth Arc episode, because Sam only has multiple visions in Myth Arc episodes, and he has one the moment he steps in front of the house in said vision. The gods of convenience smile upon him as right then and there a woman pushing a pram comes by, and he manages to talk to her, all friendly like by pretending to having just moved. Then Sam learns the woman’s name is Monica, her baby is Rosie, and Rosie is just six months old, exactly to the day.

Also, that she’s a very quiet baby and that it sometimes seems as if she was reading your mind. Oh, and that Monica really is blind to suspicious men asking her about her family with a face that reads “Oh shit, this is bad”.

Now, HERE is where the whole “five year myth arc” story falls completely. I mean, we already knew it was pretty unlikely it was real, given Kirkpe’s original interviews, but the mere existence of Rosie contradicts every single future story beat. Because if SHE has powers before Azazael goes into her house, then it means that the babies he was hunting didn’t get powers because of him, just that his blood either connected them (hence Sam’s very specific visions), made said powers far more powerful (quite likely), or made them a little bit more prone to violence/prideful behavior. All of those possibilities match with the plan of “raising” a new King or Queen of Hell, that would be faithful to Azazael, but are a bit iffy on the “finding Lucifer’s vessel” thing. Especially since we later learn that the Angels were also helping, and all Hell knew that Lucifer’s vessel HAD to come from the Winchester/Campbell bloodline due to Cain and Abel being the roots of said bloodline, and later pretty much everyone knew Sam was Lucifer’s vessel so the whole targeting a ton of kids, in particular after Mary’s death, is kinda weird.

Oh, Lux, you will say, it is because he wanted to hide his true intentions! No one knew that Sam had been feed demon blood!

Except that the important parties, namely Heaven and Hell, did. Michael had Heaven convinced of his orders, so even if a rogue angel found out that they were speed running the Apocalypse, said angel could be killed. And any demon who was against getting Lucifer back on top would be smart enough to keep quiet so, why the secrecy?

And again, ok, I buy the original demon blood kids being important to “hide” Lucifer’s vessel but… Rosie? What good would it do to Azazael’s plan to have a psychic 4 year old when Lucifer rose? Was “little four year old girl” a good match against a grown up hunter? What was Azazel thinking, if that was the plan all the time?

Now, I want to make clear this doesn’t make THIS episode or the Season-myth arc bad. This original “Boy King of Hell” storyline WAS good. It had a lot of potential, made sense for Sam and since it was before the days of the eternal “What is wrong with Sam?” seasons, there was no boredom of a repeat. It also set a very good question of what made a monster a monster, which would be explored a bit more in Season 2. And it was long before we realized Dean having a myth arc was a pipe dream, so there was no issue there either. It made sense.

But the fact that the writers kind of forgot about everything I just pointed out with Rosie’s scene to try and weld this to the “Heaven vs. Hell” storyline in season 4, and then just promptly forgot because Sam’s powers were then firmly connected to Azazael’s blood so they never came up again and even worse, we never find another psychic kid that could’ve been feed blood by Azazael THIS year that John was chasing him? (Since we know there were no other survivors from Sam’s generation, and later we have a scene that proves that there were no previous generations to Sam’s), it's kind of weird. Personally, I dunno about you, but maybe a return to this storyline in season 6 would’ve been a lot better than we got. Maybe.

By the way, I am not counting the Boy King of Hell story arc as a dropped plot for Sam yet, as we’re going to keep with this at least until season 3. Yes, now we know it didn’t go anywhere, but at the time, and for these episodes in particular, it was THE myth arc of Supernatural. So it can’t be counted as dropped plot yet.

In any case, Sam goes and tells John and Dean about his vision and… oh, boy do we have to move John’s reaction to Emotional Violence.

It’s not good.

But before he can do more damage to Dean’s psyche, Sam gets a call from our favorite demon, Meg. Even if he doesn’t recognize her voice immediately which is weird because a) he did throw her off a window and one would think that makes a girl memorable, and b) it’s not as he knows that many girls who would call him, despite Dean’s best efforts to get him a new girl.

Meg dismisses Sam and asks for John. She makes clear that she is not playing, that she knows he has the Colt and that he will kill every single person who has ever helped John unless he gives it to her that same day at midnight. And to the brothers’ surprise, John accepts those terms (Unfortunately not before we loss Caleb too. I have a lot less interest in Caleb as a character given that he has exactly half a line in the whole show, but it’s still it’s sad to see a guy so defiant even in the face of death go so soon).

Meg also points out that John having the Colt is a “declaration of war” which is interesting as it sort of implies that if he hadn’t gotten it, then the demons would leave him and the brothers alone. And I find that incredibly funny since… no they won’t. And Azazael would’ve been ok if Sam kept the gun anyway, given why they really wanted and once again I am putting holes on the idea that this was planned from the start, aren’t I?

In any case, John declares that Meg is a demon “or is possessed by one” which… ok? First and only time we get the possibility of a demon not using a meat suit. I don’t think this is a mistake, because after all, this is back before the guys faced demons in a normal basis so they could believe that they had their own bodies besides the ones they possessed (And, more importantly, before there was a retcon that made the brothers face and know about demons since pretty much ever). To be completely fair, as much as I love Jimmy and the whole Lucifer arc once it started to make sense… I would’ve been ok if vessels weren’t needed. It added a lot of complications and ended up making the brothers actual serial killers.

Ahem.

After that little gem of wisdom that will be ignored forever, John declares that he will be taking the gun to Meg to avoid more killing and we get another questionable line for Sam. And I am curious as to how to tally it as it’s the opposite of him wanting to leave the hunt, but it’s not that nice either:

DEAN What do we do?

JOHN I'm going to Lincoln. DEAN What? JOHN It doesn't look lilke we have a choice. If I don't go, a lot of people die, our friends die.

SAM Dad, the demon is coming tonight. For Monica and her family. That gun is all we got, you can't just hand it over.

I mean, yes, it is true that the demon is coming for Monica (Well, actually, he’s coming for Rosie, the baby, but I will let that slip pass. Sam is not interested in married ladies), and that with the gun they can kill the demon but it’s not all they’ve got. By this time, Sam has already had his big hero moment when he exorcised a plane in free fall so they could do that, then chase the demon again and then kill it.

But what is jarring is how he hears “a lot of people die, OUR FRIENDS die” and he goes “yeah, whatever, we have a mission to fulfill”.

Which is precisely what later episodes will tell us John used to do, and was the reason why John was not exactly liked by the general hunter population. And at the same time, it’s an eerie reminder of Wendigo, where Sam is willing to let innocents die (his family friends, in this particular case, just as he heard Caleb choke on his own blood) in order to get his way (revenge on the demon that killed Jess. NOT revenge on the demon that killed his mom, since at this point, Sam is still on the “I never knew that woman” train of thought).

Sure, his mind is in the hunt, and that’s commendable because yes, in the long run, killing Azazael would save more innocents (And probably stop the Apocalypse, not that Sam or the writers at that time know it), but it is still strange to see our nominal hero simply not care for his friends’ lives. I mean, at this point WE don’t know about Bobby, so the closest to a parental figure that is not John that Sam had was Pastor Jim and he just DIED.

Worst part is, this could be solved really easy: Just have DEAN be the one who voices the complaint, and have “empathic” Sam mumble that there has to be a way to save everyone (Which, of course, John will mention in a second). It would make Dean look bad, sure, but we’ve been told once and again that Dean never, EVER goes against John plans. Which… not true, ut we will talk about that later. The scene continues, and John declares that he will go to Meg alone, with a fake Colt and while Dean thinks that that won’t work, Sam has a different complaint:

DEAN Yeah but for how long? What happens when she figures it out?

JOHN I just...I just need to buy a few hours, that's all.

SAM You mean for Dean and me. You want us to stay here, and kill this demon by ourselves?

JOHN No Sam. I want to stop losing people we love. I want you to go to school, I want Dean to have a home. I want....I want Mary alive. It's just....I just want this to be over.

And oh, boy. Do this four lines again hold so much weight.

First, once again, Dean seems to be worried for John (logically, he’s their dad), while Sam is making the weirdest line in the universe sort of work because he’s complaining that John is trusting them to kill the demon, something HE wants to do and not four seconds ago was saying they had to do, as if it was John shifting HIS job to Sam. Seriously, I don’t want to think the worst of Sam but when you take out Jared’s acting, the text doesn’t do the younger Winchester’s any favors.

And finally… John’s lines that encompass pretty much Dean’s philosophy in the following seasons. “I want to stop losing people we love” is pretty telling, but what comes next? He actually WANTS Sam to go back to college and not worry about the Supernatural. He actively agrees that Dean doesn’t have a home, and WANTS Dean to have one. It’s as close as love as we’ll see from John to Dean in Season 1, and it hurts. It hurts because we can tell he knows he won’t be there to see it… and now, in hindsight with the finale having aired, we also know Dean didn’t get that. (And to be fair, this is the John who did deserve Heaven. Not the flanderized version we’d get in the future)

Although, ironically, Mary got to be alive again, so… One out of three?

(No, seriously, it’s obvious the writers didn’t even remember this speech when Season 12 hit, much less Season 15)

Ahem.

Dean is sent to get a fake Colt, while Sam and John wait for him. If they talked about anything, we don’t know, but when they exchange guns, Dean voices what we all know is true:

DEAN You know this is a trap don't you. That's why Meg wants you to come alone?

JOHN I can handle her. I got a whole arsenal loaded. Holy water, Mandaic, amulets...

DEAN Dad... JOHN What? DEAN Promise me something. JOHN What's that. DEAN This thing goes south just...get the hell out. Don't get yourself killed all right, you're no good to us dead. JOHN Same goes for you. (There is a long pause) All right listen to me. They made the bullets special for this colt. There's only four of them left. Without them this gun is useless. You make every shot count.

SAM Yes sir.

JOHN Been waiting a long time for this fight. Now it's here I'm not gonna be in it. It's up to you boys now. It's your fight, you finish this. You finish what I started. Understand?

 Again, I wish they remembered all they had to get rid of demons before, you know, killing everyone willy-nilly. I mean, I don’t even think I know what Mandalac IS but hey, John says it works, it works. And once more, Dean gets a line that makes clear he is the empathic, loving brother, when it wouldn’t have hurt Sam to say it. In fact, it would make clear that no matter what, he doesn’t hate John. But nope, Sam only acts like the soldier we’re TOLD Dean is, while Dean makes clear that for him, family is more important than revenge (And boy will that come to bite him in the ass later, not in the series, but in this same episode).

Also, I have to admit. When I started this rewatch, John’s final line was just a good moment for John to start letting go of his anger. Now? After that horrid finale? It hurts so, so much. But it hurts more because I KNOW that there’s no way it was intentional. Obviously, Kirkpe didn’t know the series would last 15 years, and I highly doubt Dabb remembered this scene when writing 15x20. But even so, it ends up being Dean’s epitaph. OUCH.

In any case, the Winchester separate again, and we go into act three. Get ready for the feels.

John Winchester hunting alone is a thing of beauty. Seeing him scope the place, check the water tank and immediately think of a plan? Makes me wish Jeffrey Dean Morgan had stayed longer on the show. Sure, John became an asshole, but in this episode he’s still not that bad, we still have no episodes that make clear he didn’t care for Dean, and wasn’t textually abusive. And I am willing to bet that if JDM had stayed, John would’ve evolved more to be a Bobby-like character. But well, What ifs is not why you came to this meta for.

As John is hunting, the brothers are staking out the house were they know Azazael will attack. And while they talk and decide that they have no way to get the family out (In a nice callback to how none of their excuses ever work) we get to this little gem of an exchange:

SAM I wonder how Dad's doing.

DEAN I'd feel a lot better if we were there backing him up.

SAM I'd feel a lot better if he were here backing us up.

Where once again we see where the brother’s priorities lie, and I wonder why the hell the writers ever thought they were writing Sam as an empathic character.

Because yes, Dean is wishing he could be out there helping his Dad, proving that for him, it has always been about the family. Not the hunting, but the protecting. But Sam doesn’t want to protect John. He wants John protecting Them. And helping them in the revenge hunt, not trying to save others.

Sure, we know the brothers are there to save an innocent mother, but John is also saving a ton of hunters and people who, in the past, were nice and open to the family. And it would’ve been so much easier to make Sam look better if he instead had said “I’d feel a lot better if we hadn’t had to separate” or something like that, that proved he saw BOTH missions were important.

Seriously, I do wonder why the writers made these choices, and I wish someone had asked this at cons.

We go back to John, who, really, Is an amazing hunter even if he is a horrible father. Also, I wonder if he got ordained at a web church, in order to be able to sanctify water. That would be such a John Winchester thing to do, and I do wonder why the boys never did it too. ANYWAY, he hands the gun to Meg, and to her ally that came so that we could have a scene to prove the Colt is fake as the ally shoots Meg.

As John says, Meg was lucky the gun was fake. And once again, I do wonder what the plan was if it WAS the Colt. I mean, Meg was Azazael’s second in command. Why would nameless demon risk killing her? Or did he kinow the gun was fake?

In any case, this makes the moment where we can be 100% sure that Meg’s meat suit 1.0 was dead. I mean, she could’ve survived the fall in Shadow, but a bullet to the chest? No way.

We go back to the brothers, and Sam breaks every single law of a procedural show by giving this great speech about how thankful he is to Dean for everything, and how he needs to say that “in case” something happened.

Dean is definitely not impressed and reminds him that the only one dying today is Azazael.

As we see John temporarily escape from Meg and her muscle boy, we go back to the brothers who see the demon omens start up so they get ready for the final fight.

The brothers manage to save Monica and her baby, despite the very understandable interference from Hubbard, the husband (I mean, you would not react nicely to two strangers intruding in your house and yelling to your wife to not go into the nursery room), however, before Sam can shoot Azazel, he disappears into smoke (A really interesting question here is, WHY did Sam wait to shoot and then wasted a bullet, but I digress).

Going completely against M.O, Azazael makes the CRIB burst into flames, but fortunately Dean has already gotten Rosie out of it so the brothers escape the flaming house. While Monica cries her thanks, Sam notices that Azazael is still inside, and tries to go after him, but Dean stops him because he is not going to lose his brother to the fire. By the way, I am not counting “Dean stopping Sam from going into a burning building” as “Dean forcing Sam to do something” since, uh, he was saving Sam’s life and it’s something anyone in Dean’s place would’ve done.

At the same time, we see John getting captured by Meg and her muscle boy because he didn’t think about getting a third escape route (But honestly? That was pretty much a plot necessity. John was HEAVILY prepared for that fight)

Back in the hotel, Dean is worried that John is not answering his calls, while Sam is furious that Dean didn’t let him kill himself by running into a burning house. They have a nasty fight that mirrors the one they had back in the pilot, but since it IS a fight between the brothers, you know the drill. We’re examining it under Violence.

Once Sam calms down, he tells Dean to try calling John again. Unfortunately, it’s Meg who answers and she tells Dean that they’re never seeing their dad again.

And we get the first “To be continued” for the series (Which to be honest, despite all the little continuity mistakes I mentioned here? Is still pretty epic)

Violence

Well, we had to run out of episodes where the brothers don’t fight each other at some point, didn’t we?

This fight, over Sam wanting to kill himself in his search for revenge, is a very neat parallel to the fight they had back in the Pilot, over Sam NOT wanting to even involve himself in the family’s search for revenge. Which I know it’s supposed to be ironic and a show of character growth since now Dean is the one saying that revenge is not worth their lives but… it falls a little bit flat because the reason why Sam is so gung-ho in killing Azazael is, once again, a very selfish one and the way in he expresses it makes it quite clear. (Again, I do wonder if the writers stopped to think about the implications of Sam only getting really into hunting when it was about him or his losses?)

But let’s start at the beginning:

SAM If you had just let me go in there, I coulda ended all this.

DEAN Sam, the only thing you would have ended was your life.

SAM You don't know that.

DEAN So what, you're just willing to sacrifice yourself, is that it?

SAM Yeah. Yeah you're damn right I am.

DEAN Well that's not going to happen, not as long as I'm around.

This right here? Is a nice summary of the relationship of the brothers for the whole series. Sam wants to do something stupid, like, say, running into a burning building, Dean is there to stop him before he hurts himself.

Also, let’s make clear the use of first person by Sam. It’s not “We coulda ended this”, as in the family ending the hunt, but “I coulda ended this”. Again, at this point, not something that is a problem, but considering hindsight, we can see how the writers are completely invested in SAM as a sole main character, and write him as such, while Dean is more of the sidekick.

In any case, the argument continues, still not escalating to violence.

SAM What the hell are you talking about Dean, we've been searching for this demon our whole lives. It's the only thing we've ever cared about.

DEAN Sam I wanna waste it. I do. Okay? But it's not worth dying over.

SAM What?

DEAN I mean it. If hunting this demon means getting yourself killed then I hope we never find the damn thing.

Important thing how Sam apparently forgot he left for four (two) years and wanted out of the family business, now that he is angry and into the revenge thing. It’s not “You’ve been searching for this demon your whole life”, which would’ve been correct AND a logical counterargument against Dean. Before this episode, Sam was supposedly the brother who understood that revenge was a way of living, while Dean is the one who was Daddy’s little soldier. But here, when it actually would matter to the narrative, it is as if Sam’s wishes for a normal life are completely forgotten and it’s Dean the one who understands that there’s more to living than revenge (Which, btw, is consistent through the season despite everyone claiming that Dean needs Sam to keep hunting. All season, Dean has been giving Sam outs, telling him it’s ok to quit)

And of course, Dean here proves that Sam is more important to him than revenge for his mother, as he is willing to never get to kill the demon as long as his family, his brother in particular, survives.

Poor Dean.

SAM That thing killed Jess. That thing killed Mom.

DEAN You said yourself once, that no matter what we do, they're gone, and they're never coming back.

SAM Don't you say that, not you! Not after all this don't you say that.

DEAN Sam look. The three of us...that's all we have...and it's all I have. Sometimes I feel like I'm barely holding it together man...and without you or Dad....

Unfortunately, script doesn’t quiet convey the scene as there’s a LONG pause between “That thing killed Jess” and “That thing killed Mom”. Enough so that we can believe that Sam is using that second phrase not because he cares (in the Pilot he made clear he didn’t), but to make Dean get on board with the whole “I can kill myself if it means getting revenge” plan. In other words, once again, Sam is weaponizing Mary against Dean, and that is a really nasty habit the younger Winchester never quite shakes out of. Instead, Dean shows how he LISTENED to Sam back in the Pilot and repeats Sam’s words to him on the bridge.

Which is when Sam loses it and pushes Dean against a wall, Dean not defending himself at all, and yells that Dean has no right to say what Sam told Dean the very first hunt they had together after years of separation.

And of course, once Dean mentions their father, Sam starts calming down. NOT when Dean says that he’s barely holding it together, or that he only has them.   Just when he mentions their father who is, in Sam’s mind, the one who can help him get revenge.

The fight ends, but Sam never once apologizes for what he said to Dean, nor for the fight. Which, by the way, contradicts his claim that Dean “always has his back”.

Emotional Violence

Whenever we have John on an episode, we’re going to have to talk about emotional violence and I kind of hate that because on one hand, I get how John could’ve been a very tragic figure that loved his sons but still wanted to avenge his wife, and not being the abusive bastard we know and don’t love that much.

When Sam and Dean explain about Sam’s visions, and how they started as nightmares but have grown in intensity, his reaction is quite subdued, but clear. He is not happy, but the problem isn’t the visions –for a man obsessed with the supernatural, his outward reaction to his younger son being a psychic is quite calm- but that they didn’t inform him of what was going on:

JOHN All right. When were you going to tell me about this?

DEAN We didn't know what it meant.

JOHN All right, something like this starts happening to your brother, you pick up the phone and you call me.

DEAN dumps the coffee jug and cup back on the counter and strides toward JOHN.

DEAN Call you? Are you kidding me? Dad I called you from Lawrence all right? Sam called you when I was dying. I mean, getting you on the phone? I got a better chance of winning the lottery.

JOHN You're right. Although I'm not too crazy about this new tone of yours, you're right. I'm sorry.

And let’s be clear, John’s anger is not directed at Sam, it’s directed at Dean. “Something like this starts happening to your brother” is not “Something like this starts happening to either of you”. Which is also a show of how good an actor JOHN is in universe because WE know that he knew. Missouri TOLD him point blank that Sam was powerful and that he could have known that John was around during the Home episode. But here, he acts as if this was news to him when he could ALSO have told them what to expect if that happened. (Mind you, I am assuming that Sera Gamble knew or remembered about Home’s script when writing this and didn’t just forget or was unaware that John was supposed to know)

Now, all season, Sam has been complaining and yelling about how John doesn’t answer their calls, doesn’t seem to care what’s going on with them. So it’d be logical and in character for Sam to say something here. But instead is DEAN, Dad’s little soldier, the one we’ve SEEN obeying John without question finally have enough and talk back to his father with some truths. And it’s VERY interesting that his first complain is not that John didn’t care that Dean almost died, but that he didn’t reply when Dean called from Lawrence. One could almost infer that Dean expected John not to care if Dean died, but was honestly hurt that he didn’t care about a case that could’ve involved MARY.

John, surprisingly, sort of agrees. He does say “I’m sorry”, which makes him the Winchester who is quicker to say those words… but he still manages to make a threat against Dean “I am not too crazy about this NEW tone of yours”.

Making it clear that before? Dean never talked back. And John doesn’t like it when his soldiers talk back.

It makes it hard to believe John ever thought of Dean as his son and makes it very clear why Dean never understood Sam’s confidence that Dean was the favored one.

Speeches and Apologies

I considered not including this particular speech, but then I remembered that Supernatural is ALSO famous for their big emotional speeches, and this is Sam’s first, and also, Dean’s first time listening to someone he cares about give him the “I am saying goodbye because I am going kamikaze” speech and after all the drama in season 15, I guess it’s necessary to do some dissection.

It is important that despite all the things that Sam has done to Dean, the words “I’m sorry” are never uttered here.

SAM Dean...ah...I wanna thank you. DEAN For what? SAM For everything. You've always had my back you know? Even when I couldn't count on anyone I could always count on you. And ah...I don't know I just wanted to let you know, Just in case DEAN Whoa whoa whoa, are you kidding me? SAM What? DEAN Don't say just in case something happens to you. I don't wanna hear that freaking speech man. Nobody's dying tonight. Not us, not that family, nobody. Except that demon. That evil son of a bitch ain't getting any older than tonight, you understand me?

 This is not a bad “freaking speech”. I understand why Dean didn’t want to hear it, because it is like jinxing the mission (And, let’s be honest, it did), but it’s not a bad speech.

Except that, reading it again, it lacks one important part. Sure, Sam thanks Dean for always being there (Forgetting that, at least three times this season alone, he has accused Dean of not having his back and being unreliable. Which will ALSO be a constant theme in the series’s long run), but he never mentions the times HE did things that would be hard to back up. Which, again, I am not counting as a bad thing against him in this precise moment in time, since he is young, in his roaring roadtrip of revenge, and we’ve only know the brothers for a year, but it is the beginning of a series’ long crutch to make us forgive all of Sam’s sins without him actually doing the work to be forgiven.

On the other hand, it all goes to waste a bit later when Sam starts hitting Dean for the horrible sin of not letting him run into a burning building and kill himself so… it’s not really a “thank you for having my back” speech but a “You better remember, you never fight me and my choices are the best” speech in hindsight. Which… not good on Sam, no.

Double narrative standards

This episode is kind of balanced, except for that little moment where we’re supposed to think Dean is wrong for telling Sam that revenge is not worth their lives. So there’s not much to write in this particular segment.

Final Tally

Ok, back in the saddle. And after all that, I decided not to tally Sam’s little slip about not caring if their loved ones die as long as he gets to kill Azazael. Let me know if you disagree.

The count is still not good on Sam’s side, but as always, you are free to disagree with me, and dm me if you think I missed a tally or I should change one. If your argument is solid and canon based, I will listen to it and may change the numbers.

Numbers (or the TL;DR summary)

(Episode/Total so far)

Times Dean has lied to Sam or to a loved one: 0 / 0

Times Sam has lied to Dean or to a loved one: 0 / 3

Times Dean has been caught in a lie: 0 / 0

Times Sam has been caught in a lie: 0 / 1

Times Dean has hit Sam in anger: 0 / 1

Times Sam has hit Dean in anger: 1 / 4

Times Dean's lies or secrets have caused someone's death: 0 / 0

Times Sam's lies or secrets have caused someone's death: 0 / 1

Times Dean has abandoned (Or wanted to abandon) a hunt in the middle for his own needs: 0 / 0

Times Sam has abandoned (Or wanted to abandon) a hunt in the middle for his own needs: 0 / 7

Times Dean forced Sam to do something: 0 / 0

Times Sam forced Dean to do something: 0 / 7

Secrets kept by Dean: 0 / 1

Secrets kept by Sam: 0 / 2

Times Dean has blamed Sam for something: 0 / 0

Times Sam has blamed Dean for something: 1 / 4

Times Dean has apologized with words to Sam: 0 / 3

Times Sam has apologized with words to Dean: 0 / 2

Times Dean has respected Sam's boundaries and/or rules: 0 / 7

Times Sam has respected Dean's boundaries and/or rules: 0 / 0

Times Dean hasn't respected Sam's boundaries and/or rules: 0 / 0

Times Sam hasn't respected Dean's boundaries and / or rules: 0 / 13

Times Dean has made fun of something Sam does or has: 0 / 6

Times Sam has made fun of something Dean does or has: 0 / 31

Times we focus on Dean's needs: 0 / 1

Times we focus on Sam's needs: 1 / 6

Arc episodes dedicated to Sam: 1 / 7

Filler episodes dedicated to Sam: 0 / 6

Arc episodes dedicated to Dean: 0 / 0

Filler episodes dedicated to Dean: 0 / 4

Arc episodes dedicated to both brothers (or to none): 0 / 2

Filler episodes dedicated to both brothers (or to none): 0 / 2

Dean's Dropped Plotlines: 0 / 1

Sam's Dropped Plotlines: 0 / 2

[flabotanum]

The AoS Finale - Where Everyone Ended Up

A Positive Review:

I’m just gonna preface this by saying: I don't think this was a perfect end to the show but in my opinion it came pretty close and I'm happy with it, so this is a positive outlook on where all the characters ended up. I’m not super interested in dwelling on what could have been and this show means a great deal to me so the fact that I’m overall happy with where everyone ended up is something I was hoping for and glad came to be. (This also ended up being way longer than anticipated hence the “keep reading” if your interested in my rambling)

The Nature of Family:

“Yet, this is the nature of families; I have seen it countless times on countless worlds. People arrive so we celebrate, and people leave us so we grieve. We do what we can with the time in between but the cycle is always there - no-one escapes it, not even me.” - Enoch (7x09)

The found family has always been my favourite aspect of the show, so finding out that the team wouldn't be together at the end (ever, because Deke stayed behind but also just them not staying a team) hit me hard. But after seeing it and how it was done, it honestly feels like a pretty realistic and bittersweet ending that fits the characters’ progression without ruining what I loved about their relationships. Because it doesn’t feel like they've really broken up the family – in fact, they feel like they're practically an actual family despite being apart now. That VR meeting they had was very reminiscent of an awkward family reunion, except we can clearly see that they all still love each other and aren’t interested in losing contact – there's no longer an imminent threat and so life goes on; the team members have their own lives now and those lives involve them not being together beyond meeting up every so often.

(Also, the spirit of a found family isn’t lost with the addition of Kora and Alya into these characters’ lives - sure, Daisy now has a biological sister and Fitzsimmons have their own kid but that doesn’t negate any of their other relationships to the team but instead makes it so that Kora and probably more so Alya are extensions of this larger family - like Deke was)

Happy Endings and New Beginnings (Each Character’s Ending):

LMC!Coulson: I fully expected LMC!Coulson to deactivate himself at the end of the season, but I actually like what happened with him in the end. Real Coulson being denied a peaceful death is what started this show and so when season 5 came, I was honestly happy that they ultimately let him die and it was a major concern for me that LMC!Coulson would take away from that, so seeing that in the end he was given full autonomy over that choice made me very happy. He's still with SHIELD but is also being allowed to do his own thing, and he is finally being left in charge of his own fate: the team obviously wants him to stick around but they are respecting his choice to decide that for himself. Plus, ending with him and Lola 2.0 flying off felt like a very good and satisfying bookend for the show to me.

May: I'll start with Philinda – I couldn't see any way for Coulson and May to end up together because the real Coulson had died and LMC!Coulson is ultimately not him; as much as I enjoyed their scenes together this season, it wouldn't have felt right to me for them to end up in a relationship together (and as for saving Real Coulson – they didn't go anywhere near that time and honestly saving Coulson would've been unfair to both him and LMC!Coulson, so I don't think it would've worked properly, especially with only 13 episodes)

So for May's actual ending: I think it's great. Over the course of the season it seemed to me that she was getting semblances of emotion back and in the VR meeting it looked like she was almost back to normal (I’ll admit that this should have been confirmed explicitly and overall explained a bit more but I digress). And as for being a teacher, she has been a maternal figure and S.O. for the majority of the show to several agents (primarily Daisy) and so ending the show with her retired from active field duty and becoming a teacher for a whole new generation of SHIELD agents (at Coulson Academy no less) felt like a wonderful ending for her character. It also felt - to me at least - like she and LMC!Coulson still have a bond (her offer was the only one he really responded to) and I think leaving it open was the best thing they could’ve done.

Daisy: I was always one of the fans that wanted Daisy to be the director at the end but given the character’s progression, I’m happy with what we got. Daisy has always been shown to be a good leader for small teams; we saw that with the Secret Warriors and the Space Team at the start of Season 6, so giving her a team and her own Zephyr to go out and explore space felt appropriate. She's in a place where she's comfortable with who she is and so allowing her to fill the role that Coulson had in her life with Kora brings her story full circle. She's "loving the journey" with Sousa and seems to be actually happy with her smaller space family. She was definitely the least comfortable with leaving the team for good, as shown by her looking at all the empty chairs at the end of the VR meeting and everything she said to Mack in 7x11, but I think it was important to show that despite the team splitting up, she still has that family - it’s just that she doesn’t see them all the time and that’s okay because they’ll still always be her family. (Also, Coulson asking her to give him a call when she got back felt a lot like a parent who’s kid had moved away which drove home that idea for me)

Fitz and Jemma: Not much to say for these two – they got their happily ever after with Alya and I think that's beautiful. Fitz fully retiring felt like the right call given that being a SHIELD agent was the cause of a lot of pain for him (I'm not saying it didn’t result in a lot of pain for everyone else because it definitely did, but I've always felt like Fitz would be better off living a peaceful and uneventful life since he's never really much enjoyed the good parts of being an agent like the others did). Jemma sort of retiring but helping Daisy with some stuff was also great. Honestly, just the two of them raising Alya is a good ending for them (not to mention Alya having this massive extended family that spoils her - it just warms my heart)

Deke: Deke probably has the most bittersweet ending because he doesn't get to see the rest of the team again. I have no doubt he'll look after the versions of the people he loves in his new timeline (like he told Mack he would) and he also has his own little found family with the Deke Squad (if I recall correctly, they said they’d be at the Triskelion after a few weeks so I don’t think they got killed when it went down) so I think he'd ultimately be happy. Sometimes you don’t get the girl but Deke made a major sacrifice for the girl he liked and the family he'd grown to love, and that’s a testament to how much he had grown from the guy we met in the future who didn’t understand how people would be willing to sacrifice like that. (Also, as much as it'd be nice for Alya to actually be Deke's mum - they kept saying “maybe” so I think they know the odds are extremely slim and are just being very hopeful - this ending made it so that messing up another timeline had actual consequences that Deke has to deal with and I can appreciate that)

Mack and Yoyo: I don’t have much to say for these two either. I was surprised that Mack remained at SHIELD but honestly, he's really grown into the job so him being the Director of a fully re-established SHIELD and getting to continue working with Yoyo, May and Coulson (and Daisy I think) in some capacity is nice – it also seems like he's enjoying it so that's great. Yoyo being a highly decorated agent, getting her own team and working for an institution she trusts (in no small part because Mack is in charge) is also a great ending for that character, because when we met her all she wanted was to make a difference which she can continue to do with SHIELD. (also Yoyo usually seemed to, for the most part, enjoy being an agent so that’s a happy ending I think).

All in all, I think that the way in which the show ended and where we see all the characters after a year was handled well. They’re all pretty happy but there’s a bittersweet realism in that they’re no longer all together and sometimes you have to embrace that life goes on. As far as I’m concerned, they’re still a family but they’ve entered new chapters in their lives - like Mack and Daisy said in 7x11, it’s not the same but that’s okay.

[lanzhanlanzhan]

Wei Wuxian - On Loving Lan Wangji

(Or 'I was supposed to be writing fanfiction but my character notes got ahead of me and now I have another meta')

One of the most charming things about CQL!Wei Wuxian is this: up to the end, I don't think he has realized that he is in love with Lan Wangji.

I mean, we know. The world around them knows. Heck, I think even Lan Wangji knows, because bless this boy, I think he resolved his own 'I am in love with Wei Wuxian' arc even before the show's half-way point.

Wei Wuxian, though? I don't think so. Funny enough, in CQL-verse, there were already hints of something promising between Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji even before Wei Wuxian's death, unlike in the novel where Wei Wuxian was completely in the dark and only developed feelings for Lan Wangji in his second life. CQL-verse though gave them that foundation of them being two people who were drawn to one another from the start, who became friends and even established a bond so close they can consider themselves as soulmates. Again, all these before Wei Wuxian even died.

I would like to once again send my heartfelt gratitude to Xiao Zhan for all those interviews that gave us a glimpse of his headspace as Wei Wuxian. In a few of these interviews, Xiao Zhan mentioned how part of Wei Wuxian's next life involved having to resolve things in the last one, and this actually included his learning to trust Lan Wangji again. 

In his old life, Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji had to struggle with a beautiful relationship on the verge of collapse, brought by Wei Wuxian's seeming refusal to let go of his ghost cultivation path, and Lan Wangji's conviction that Wei Wuxian had to return to sword cultivation because any other path would harm him. The tragedy of it all was that they were both in the right—Wei Wuxian required an alternative path to fight for what he believed was right despite having lost his golden core, and Lan Wangji (who did not yet know about Wei Wuxian's core) was also correct in that ghost cultivation was affecting Wei Wuxian's psyche. All these came to a head at Nightless City, with Wei Wuxian, heartbroken over having lost the people he fought so hard for, went against the whole cultivation world. In that state, he also saw that Lan Wangji was still against him, tried to stop him, even though Lan Wangji himself was still conflicted though his heart was still with Wei Wuxian in the end. 

Now, this time it would be Wei Wuxian's character song that makes things interesting. His character song seems to be set while he was in that space between his two lives, looking back at a life that strayed so far away from where his good intentions would have wanted it to go. He recounts his life, but interestingly and heartbreakingly, when we reach the chorus, although the words are actually never the same, the lines are nonetheless about the same single thing:

Chorus 1:

I have tried to take a jar of liquor with a smile

And once fought with the most beautiful person in Gusu

Chorus 2 (here, the lines dedicated to the subject are even longer):

I was once stunned by someone

And teased the cloud patterns with my fingertips

The sudden vibrations of a zither

I wonder why I am remembering these deep in my dream

Chorus 3:

I also once had someone in the mortal world

To love and to long for

The chorus always starts talking about Lan Wangji—and yet, it doesn't really sound like Wei Wuxian fully realizes how much this person means to him. He looks at it from a distance, perhaps because it was a life that was already over and he was regretful about how things had ended. The feelings are bittersweet—and just wow, those lines where Wei Wuxian calls Lan Wangji as "the most beautiful person in Gusu" are just too powerful for my poor, weak heart. Note though that with Wei Wuxian, this could mean either he did think of Lan Wangji as the most beautiful person in Gusu, or he just took it for granted that Lan Wangji was known as the most beautiful person in Gusu. Or it could be a bit of both, with not a lot of overthinking because... ah, Wei Ying, Wei Ying.

Fast forward now to after Wei Wuxian's resurrection. We know he and Lan Wangji were not in a good place because Wei Wuxian hid from him at first. He got anxious when he heard the juniors talking about Hanguang-jun, and actually discouraged them from calling him over. This was the man he once called his soulmate! How bad of a fall-out had theirs been for things to change so drastically. It definitely took some time for Wei Wuxian to feel comfortable around Lan Wangji again. 

Two things, I think, softened Wei Wuxian. First, Lan Wangji's drunken confession in CQL-verse was that he regretted the events leading to Wei Wuxian's death. It made Wei Wuxian realize why Lan Wangji was looking for him in the first place, all this time. He sought to comfort Lan Wangji and explained that he was not to blame. We can see Wei Wuxian was moved by how gently he took care of Lan Wangji that night, drunk as he was. 

Second was Lan Xichen telling Wei Wuxian about the events after his death, what punishments Lan Wangji endured and how he retained his faith and conviction about Wei Wuxian even after all of that. Even the story about their mother was telling; it was a glimpse of how strongly and stubbornly Lan Wangji loves someone, and how deeply that love goes, even if he does not say anything in words. Lan Xichen reminded Wei Wuxian of how adamant and persistent Lan Wangji had been about saving Wei Wuxian in his past life. Wei Wuxian said that it was unnecessary for Lan Wangji to have done these things, to suffer through his loyalty to Wei Wuxian especially when Wei Wuxian was already dead. But somehow it must have proven something to him, too, and gave him a sense of security with Lan Wangji.

After these things, love (or at the very least, trust and attachment) just seemed to develop naturally from there. Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji are good together especially as "partners-in-crime", so to speak. They are a very effective team, and while this goes to show how naturally compatible they are, the adventures they go through just also strengthen the bond between them. What finally cemented their relationship in this second life, resolving any other doubts Wei Wuxian might have had with Lan Wangji, was that face-off at Lanling, where Lan Wangji had the opportunity to deny Wei Wuxian again in order to retain his respected status in the cultivation world. Lan Wangji refused, announced that he knew it was Wei Wuxian from the start, and told Wei Wuxian that it wasn't so bad, walking in this path of his. 

They were noticeably inseparable from there. What makes my heart sing about this is that this time, Wei Wuxian is more actively sticking to Lan Wangji. He needs no one else other than Lan Wangji, has complete faith in him. Back in Yi City, we saw how confident he was that Lan Wangji would win against Xue Yang, he was not even worried when he took the kids to safety. Then at the Burial Mounds, when he drew the spirit attraction enchantment on himself to drive away the corpses, he refused any other help, saying Lan Wangji was enough to protect him. 

There were many other instances. In Lotus Pier, he was constantly with Lan Wangji, and even presented him to his family. He accepted insults about himself from Jiang Cheng, but not even his guilt towards Jiang Cheng would allow him to let his brother insult Lan Wangji. Even his asking Lan Wangji to take him away from Lotus Pier after the confrontation with Jiang Cheng was telling, because Wei Wuxian used to be self-sufficient and was uncomfortable asking for help. But he was doing so freely with Lan Wangji. 

Even before entering the Guanyin Temple, Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji had a conversation about Wen Ning—another staple in Wei Wuxian's life—needing to find a life for himself. Interestingly, the thought that Lan Wangji (who was about as attached to him as Wen Ning was) similarly needed a life free from him did not even occur to Wei Wuxian. He would let Wen Ning go, but Lan Wangji stays.

Then, at the Guanyin Temple, when he found out that everyone seemed to know about his losing his golden core, Wei Wuxian checked with Lan Wangji first, asking, "So do you also know?" By this point, Lan Wangji had become a far first in his mind, far from everyone else. Wei Wuxian looks to him first, and before facing anything else that remained against him, he has to check first that things between him and Lan Wangji were okay.

This is also why the last episode is so heartbreaking. After the events at the temple, Wei Wuxian whisks Lan Wangji away and makes a run for it. Escaping did seem to be his intention, too, because when Wen Ning and Lan Sizhui—the most harmless, loyal people to them both—caught up to them, Wei Wuxian looked disappointed that they were caught.

Of course, he then learned that Lan Sizhui was none other than their beloved A-Yuan, and that was a heart-warming reunion all around. Eventually though, Lan Sizhui and Wen Ning said their goodbyes, and Wei Wuxian turned to Lan Wangji, wondering where they would go. He never thought to even ask Lan Wangji where he would go, never thought it would be anywhere Wei Wuxian wouldn't be, because already he learned to be secure that Lan Wangji would never leave his side. In a way, he took it for granted that Lan Wangji would no longer leave him, but to be fair to Wei Wuxian, after everything that had happened and given his own feelings towards Lan Wangji, it was an easy assumption and mistake to make, to have that sense of security towards someone to whom one's heart was so drawn to.  

Somehow though, I do think their parting might have done Wei Wuxian some good. Again, Wei Wuxian is a dense motherf*cker not the type who digs deeply at his own mind and feelings (heck, the boy falls asleep during meditation, and never forget the 'Do you like Mianmian?' incident), doesn't label things and just rides those feelings out openly and freely. Time apart from Lan Wangji could have given him more space to assess what he was feeling for the guy, what it meant to miss him, how badly he was missing him, and so on. And we know he missed him badly, because who in their right mind would play their theme song atop a mountain, looking like they were about to cry? How afraid he was to look behind him and find that maybe Lan Wangji wasn't really there, that it was all in his head… oh, Wei Ying. 

So, yes. We did not get the "I love you's" (nor "that night, I really wanted to sleep with you!" lmao) in the drama, but this also makes sense because Wei Wuxian probably also did not even know, or did not know what to call it, or whatever the heck they were. But spending those days (perhaps even months or years) away from Lan Wangji were clearly difficult for him, enough for us to know that their reunion would bring Wei Wuxian such relief, he likely would never let Lan Wangji go again. And maybe, just maybe, when they meet again, that's when it all comes to Wei Wuxian, the feelings he isn't able to keep anymore, and he would just burst out, "I miss you! I love you!"

[inevitably-johnlocked]

hi steph, is there any mycroft-centric fic?? i just have mycroft feelings recently

Hi Nonny!

Ahhhh, most, if not all, of my recs are Johnlock centred :( BUT do have some where Mycroft is in the fic or plays a part in Johnlock, so I shall direct you to this list below, AND take an opportunity to update another Mycroft List I have had ready-to-go for awhile now, Pt. 2 to my “Mycroft Plays a Role” list :) 

Here are the ones more focussed on Mycroft:

Mycroft Flirts With John

Matchmaker Mycroft 

Big-Brother Mycroft 

Big Brother Mycroft Pt 2 

Whereas in this list below, Mycroft helps Sherlock as a character to move along a plot or helps Johnlock happen (hence the difference in Big Brother and Playing a Role... it makes sense in my head lol). I hope it’s okay I’m using your ask to launch this part 2! <3 I just really like having excuses to post lists I already have done LOL.

As always gang, if you have a fic that Mycroft plays a significant role to help move the plot along, please add them below! I genuinely like Mycroft in fics as the deus ex Mycroft, LOL. :D Enjoy!

MYCROFT PLAYS A ROLE Pt. 2

See also: Mycroft Plays a Role in This Fic

Black Cars by johnsarmylady (T, 1,186 w., 5 Ch. || Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Post-TRF) – John is getting on with his life...if only he didn't see black cars everywhere! A short Post Reichenbach tale in 221B style in 5 parts.

3:00 in the Morning is a Great Time to Talk by Aztecwarfareandcrumping (K+, 1,775 w., 1 Ch. || Hurt / Comfort, Friendship, Bed Sharing, First Person POV John, Cuddling, Worried Sherlock, Comforting John, Platonic Affection/Love) – "Are you trying to talk your way into my bed?" "Obviously."

Crisis Averted by Spartangal22 (T, 2,188 w., 1 Ch. || HLV Fic, Missing Scene After Confronting Mary, Canon Compliant, Sherlock Whump / Mary Shot Sherlock, Family / Friendship, Hospitalization, Sherlock POV, Holmes Brothers) – Lying in the hospital, Sherlock receives some surprising visitors, and manages to deal with two problems he's been having lately. A missing scene from HLV about a formal introduction that was never made and a visit that was never shown.

As You Wish by PipMer (K, 3,311 w., 1 Ch. || Bromance/Pre-Slash/Epic Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, John Whump, Hospitals) – When John woke from his coma, he wasn't at all surprised to see the wrong Holmes brother sitting at his bedside. Disappointed, but not surprised.

Caffeine and Adaptive Programming by DemonicSymphony (E, 5,540 w., 1 Ch. || Androids AU / Bond Fusion || Android Sherlock, Coffee Shop AU, Pining John Hinted Bond / Q, Toplock) – Sherlock is a coffee shop android slowly falling for a regular customer. But he's not supposed to be able to feel emotions.

Hide and Seek by Arwen Jade Kenobi (T, 6,934 w., 1 Ch. || Angst, Rev. Reich-ish, Mycroft is a Dick, Depression, Case Fic-ish, Friendship, Reunion) – Pseudo sequel to "The Refining Fire." "You owe him the truth, and you owe me the proof that will convince him that I had no part in this."

What Did I Do Wrong? by Starlight05 (T, 7,880 w., 5 Ch. || Hurt Comfort, Angst, John Whump, Hospitalization, Worried Sherlock, Emotional Turmoil, Nightmares, Sherlock Being Dumb) - After John almost dies on a case, Sherlock disappears. So John is left to figure out what he can do to get his best friend back. Meanwhile Sherlock, guilt-ridden and willingly alone, is doing everything he can to stay away.

There's So Much Labour Just in Breathing Lately by Susan (E, 12,708 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF / Mentions of S3 Events, Romance, Angst, Grief/Mourning, Grieving John, Mutual Pining, Meddling Mycroft, Therapy, Ambiguous Hopeful Ending, Infidelity) – The dreams he hated most – the ones that left him a sweating, shaking mess when he woke – were the ones in which Sherlock was just Sherlock. Laughing or drinking tea. Sitting across the table from him at Angelo’s eating pasta. Trailing his open hand behind him on the way to the bedroom. “C’mon, John. I’m about to have my way with you.”

Shuteye Shenanigans by Ayakae (K+, 13,263 w., 8 Ch. || Post-TRF, Friendship / Epic Bromance, John’s Nightmares, Angsty Fluff, Bed Sharing, Humour, Cuddles, Taking Care of Each Other, Domestics) – John Watson has never slept with Sherlock Holmes. Never ever ever. And never will, thank you very much. Well, there was that one time, but John didn't count that. It was completely different, just like the second time it happened. And the third. And the fourth. Epic bromance, but it can be read as pre-slash if you wish.

The Palmyra Atoll by elwinglyre (E, 16,609 w., 3 Ch. || TSo3 Divergence / Episode Fix-It, Stockholm Syndrome, Kidnapped John Watson, John Whump, Evil Mary, Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Toplock, Limited 3rd John POV) – As John's preparing for the wedding, Sherlock is preparing to have his heart broken, and Mary is prepared to do the unthinkable. Intervention required. Enter Sherlock. Set before Sign of Three with a far different outcome. John is drugged, kidnapped, and left on an island, but not just any old island.

Hope for Heroes by Richefic (K+, 16,887 w., 5 Ch. || Post-TGG Fic, Introspection / Flashbacks, Friendship/Epic Bromance, Hurt/Comfort, Worried/Anxious Sherlock, Sherlock Admires John, BAMF John, John Deduces, Fancy Party, John’s Self Esteem, Domestics) – In the final moments of "The Great Game" Holmes hopes he will have the chance to tell his flatmate that he was wrong. Heroes do exist after all and the one in front of him is called Dr John Watson.

I Think I've Come A Long Long Way To Sit Before You Here Today by ArwenKenobi (T, 18,251 w., 3 Ch. || Grief/Mourning, Passage of Time, Major Character Death, Alternating POV, Sherlock Whump, Pining Sherlock, Hospitalization, Coma, Revenge Murders, Hallucinations, Love Confessions, Brutal Accident, Mystrade, Ghost John) – One year after John is killed Sherlock starts to wonder whether John has actually gone anywhere.

The Kepler Problem by kinklock (E, 24,270 w., 1 Ch. || Sci-Fi AU, Alien Sherlock, Space Repairman John, Alien Biology, Horny John) – Working in uncharted space exploration was not as exciting as John had hoped, especially when it turned out to be mostly bot maintenance on uninhabited planets. However, the mystery of the repeated, unexplained malfunctions on planet BAK 2212 might turn out to be exactly the kind of adventure he'd been craving.

The Winter Garden by Callie4180 (T, 31,213 w., 13 Ch. || Post-S4, Retirement, Christmas, Slow Burn, Grown-Up Rosie, Parenthood, Rosie’s Cat, Angst with Happy Ending, Holidays, Beekeeping, Magical Realism, Sherlock POV, Sherlock’s Violin, Future Fic, Sussex, Honey, Magical Healing Honey, Love Confessions, Sherlock’s Scar, First Kiss, Touching, Mycroft is Dying) – As Sherlock nears the end of his career, he's given the gift of a cottage in Sussex. The honey from the beehives out back is amazing. Almost...magical.

The Whore of Babylon Was a Perfectly Nice Girl by out_there (E, 32,897 w., 1 Ch. || Past Drug Use, Blowjobs, Toplock, Mentions of Switching, Rough Sex, Background Cases, Sherlock’s Past, Sherlock’s Sexual History, Experienced Sherlock, Past One Night Stands, Fingering, Cuddling, Possessive Sherlock, Paris Holiday, Bed Sharing, Naked Lie-Ins, Bathing Together, Confessions, Worried Sherlock, Laying in Bed All Day, Meddling Mycroft, Naked Lazy Day) – Sherlock walks into a room and takes all the space right out of it. He does the same inside John's head.

carrying up his morning tea by darcylindbergh (E, 34,504 w., 5 Ch. || Post S3, Minor Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Wakes/Funerals, Estranged John, Pining Sherlock, Depression/Insecurity, Slow Burn, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Chronic Pain/Injury, Reconciliation, Awkwardness, Loneliness, Scars, Angst With Happy Ending) – His fingers tremble as he dials and he can’t force them steady. Familiar number, even though he hasn’t used it in two years. He isn’t even sure he should be calling it now, but she’d asked. She’d made him promise.

we have never seen a greater day than this by Lediona (T, 36,420 w., 7 Ch. || A Royal Night Out AU || WWII / VE Day, Prince Sherlock, Soldier John, Alternating POV, First Kiss, Bittersweet Ending, Homophobia, Dancing) – Peace. At long last. It’s VE Day and Prince William desires to join the celebrations. It is a night of excitement, danger and the first flutters of romance.

A Week is Just Seven Days Isn't It? by scifigrl47 (T, 39,906 w., 4 Ch. || Humour, Friendship/Bromance, Stroppy/Bored Sherlock, Undercover/Army John, Texting, Pining-ish Sherlock, John Whump) – When John heads overseas for a week, Sherlock's forced to fend for himself. It goes about as well as anyone could have anticipated. Which is to say, very, very poorly. Don't worry, things'll be fine in just seven days.

(Never) Turn Your Back to the Sea by DiscordantWords (M, 39,968 w., 7 Ch. || Post S4 Fix It || Grief / Mourning, Victor Trevor, Friendship, Sherlock is Not Okay, Nightmares/Flashbacks/Panic Attacks, Parentlock, Pining Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, John Comes Home) – Baker Street is very much the same. Only different. And Sherlock is just trying not to drown.

Guidelines by WithLoweredVoices (M, 43,018 w., 15 Ch. || Winglock || Angels, Fantasy, Angst, BAMF! John, War, Jealous Sherlock, Possessive Sherlock, Jealous John, Falling in Various Ways, Needy Sherlock, Wings) – The Good Soldier, one of the oldest and strongest of the fallen, is offered a bargain: to live as John Watson and to Guide a fledgling archangel so that he will stay on the path of good. Of course, Sherlock Holmes has different ideas about his destiny. Fantasy AU. Warnings for violence, occasional gore, and a whole load of hurt and angst.

The Real Great Perfumers by shelleysprometheus (E, 45,355 w., 68 Ch. || Case Fic, Alternating POV, Gay Sherlock / Bi John, Canon Compliant with Divergence at TRF, Friends to Lovers, Oral / Anal, Pining, First Kiss / Time, Dev. Rel., Drugging, Body Worship, Bathing, Love Confessions, Travelling, Bottomlock, Cranky Sherlock, BJ’s, Alternating POV, Jealous John) – The case, this case. This extraordinary, fascinating, scintillating case. A house. Designed entirely by its eccentric owner, built by no less than five hundred expert tradesmen in the heart of Marrakesh. A house that had, seemingly not only driven its owner out, but also to his quite unpleasant death. And a perfumer, a chemist no less, the very thought of the secrets that house could reveal, would reveal was irresistible. Sherlock had to have this case ... and it seems, he also had to have John! Part 1 of the Forethought and Fire series

Impossible to Feign by achray (M, 49,204 w., 12 Ch. || TRF Rewrite / Reverse Reichenbach, Suicidal Ideations / Discussions, Drug Use/Abuse, Mutual Pining, Friends With Benefits, John Accepts his Sexuality, Anxious Sherlock, Meddling Mycroft, Depression, Hallucinations, Secret Agent John, BAMF John, Reunion, Make-Up Sex, Ambiguous Ending) – Sherlock leant forward, his long fingers curving round to grip John’s.“I won’t let him win,” he said, eyes hard. “I will do whatever it takes to get you out.”

Anchor Point by trickybonmot (E, 49,856 w., 80 Ch. || Truman Show AU || Psychological Drama, Suspense, Slow Burn, Dark Characters / Fic, Alternating First/Third Person, Protective John, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Tender Moments, Love Confessions, Hand/Blow Jobs, Cuddling, Jealous John, First Kiss/Time) – The world tunes in nightly for Sherlock, the ultimate in reality TV: Sherlock Holmes, a real person with a legendary name, unknowingly lives out his life in a staged setting contrived by his brother. Things get complicated when a retired army doctor joins the show to play the part of Sherlock's closest friend. This fic borrows its concept from the 1998 film, the Truman Show. However, you don't need to have any knowledge of the movie to enjoy this story.

Repairing the Broken Things by BakerTumblings (M, 75,252 w., 15 Ch. || S4 Compliant, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Trauma, Hospitals, Big Brother Mycroft, Misunderstandings, Realizations, Severe Accident, John Whump, Pneumonia, Medical Procedures, Bed Sharing, First Time, Healing, Happy Ending) – "I'm calling today to notify you that there's been an accident."

Points by lifeonmars (E, 53,791 w., 42 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || HLV Rewrite / Canon Divergence, Married Life, Pregnancy / Baby Watson, Drinking to Cope, Boxing / Fisticuffs, Clueless John, Angst, Minor Medical Drama, Tattoos, Christmas, First Kiss/Time, Eventual Happy Ending, Love Confessions, Doctor John, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Burn, Case Fic, Drugging, Blow/Hand Job, Emotional Love Making, Parenthood, Passage of Time) – What if His Last Vow never happened? This fic picks up a few months after John and Mary's wedding, in an alternate universe where Magnussen doesn't exist, but Mary is still pregnant. Life continues -- just in a different direction. And slowly, Sherlock and John find their way to each other.

Never Change a Running System by Lorelei_Lee (E, 54,246 w., 18 Ch. || Pre-TRF, Romance, Humour, Drama, Sex Toys, Anal, Rimming, Masturbation, Frottage, Blow Jobs, Public Sex, First Kiss / Time, Virgin Sherlock / Loss of Virginity, Accidental Voyeurism, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Experiments, Naive Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Jealous Sherlock, Possessive Sherlock, Straight With an Exception John, Hand Jobs) – Sherlock discovers his sexuality – with far-reaching consequences for John.

A Hundred Crimson Sols by elldotsee (E, 55,536 w., 16 Ch. || Astronauts AU || Mars Exploration / Space Travel, Slow Burn, Shy Sherlock, Scientist Sherlock / Biomed Engineer John, Alternating POV, Mutual Pining, UST, Angst with Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Injuries, Suicidal Ideation, Zero-G Sex) – Will Holmes is a chemical researcher recognized widely for his contributions to the new Mars exploration program. Thanks to his ground-breaking developments, the IMMC (International Mars Mission Corporation) is one step closer to Martian colonization. Will and his team of scientists are headed out on the first of three manned missions before the first group of settlers arrive. Three days before launch, one of the crew has to be replaced. Will panics because...new people. The replacement is of course one John Watson, biomedical engineer and space hottie who was pretty sure he had retired from actual space exploration and was now content to work in the nice, quiet research lab. Can the crew survive this TOTALLY ROUTINE trip? Will they be able to endure each other for the looooooong trip in close quarters? Gonna be a wild ride... prepare for blast off. Part 1 of the SpaceBois go to Space series

The Thing Is by TSylvestris (E, 56,743 w., 21 Ch. || Case Fic, Dev. Rel., Anal/Oral, Blow Jobs, Meddling Mycroft, Drama, Romance, Humour, Casual Encounters, Pining Idiots, Possessive Sherlock, Orgasm Delay, Rough / Alley Sex, Public Sex, John Whump, Drugged John, Emotional Love Making, Awkward Relationship, Marriage of Convenience, Switchlock, BAMF John) – The problem with living with Sherlock, John thought, was that you never, never, ever knew the significance of anything. Like your flatmate's nose buried in your hair. Whilst you're in bed. Part 1 of Nitroglycerine

Lunar Landscapes by J_Baillier (M, 57,046 w., 21 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || S3/TAB Fix-It, Slow Burn Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Confessions, Drugs, Pain, Medical, Injury, Sherlock Whump, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Romance, Secrets,  Tragedy, Trauma, BAMF John, Doctor!John, Drug Addict Sherlock, Injured Sherlock, Grieving John, Idiots In Love, Protective John, POV John Watson, PTSD Sherlock, Sherlock is a Mess, Medical Realism) – An accident forces John to face the fact that Sherlock's downward spiral had started long before his flight to exile even left the tarmac.

The Burning by SrebrnaFH (M, 60,658 w., 24 Ch. || Reverse Reichenbach, Suicide, Depression, Hurt Sherlock / John, Separation, BAMF John, Good Big Brother Mycroft, Angst, Implied/Referenced Torture, Fake Character Death, Rescue Mission, Reconciliation / Reunion, Hospitalization, Marriage Proposal, Illnesses, Physical Therapy, Happily Ever After) – Something went very, very wrong. John had seemed, if not happy, then reasonably content with his life. Sherlock had never predicted something like THIS might have happened. Not in his worst nightmares. He was the lousiest friend ever, apparently. At least Mycroft found him something to occupy his mind with, so that he didn't have to go back to 221B and stare at the walls and the chair, where John Watson would never sit again.

The Bells of King's College by SilentAuror (E, 64,019 w., 5 Ch. || Post-S4, Missed Opportunities, Angst, Fake Relationship, Case Fic, John POV, Jealous John, John in Denial, Travelling / Holidays) – It's only been two weeks since Eurus Holmes disrupted their lives when Mycroft sends John and Sherlock to Cambridge to pose as an engaged couple at a wedding show in the hopes of solving six unsolved deaths...

Hell Sent, Heaven Bound by ConsultingHound (M, 64,381 w, 16 Ch. || Angels / Demons AU ||  Fallen Angel Sherlock / Angel Cop John, Alternate First Meeting, Slow Burn, Case Fic, John & Lestrade are Friends Before Sherlock, BAMF John, Mind Palace John, Friends to Lovers, John in Denial, Sherlock Picks Out John’s Clothing, Clubbing / Dancing, Mildly Jealous John, Awkwardness, Kidnapping, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Sacrifice, Worried / Anxious Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Immortal to Mortal) – Ex-War healer and current angelic guard John Watson is not having the best day. He overslept, he’s underpaid, and now there’s someone tagging the Council’s building walls. However things may be about to get interesting: there’s an unusual stranger hanging around (the definition of tall, dark, and handsome), a literal underground cult is brewing, and rumblings are coming from hell. Can he keep his neighbourhood safe, how and why is he being connected to all this, and who the hell is Sherlock Holmes?

Being John Watson-ish by elwinglyre (E, 69,902 w., 17 Ch. || Bodysnatcher AU || Author John, Cranky Sherlock, Angst, Sexual Tension, First Kiss / Time, Falling in Love, BAMF John, Past Soldier John, Feelings, Inside Someone’s Brain, Shy Sherlock, Sherlock Loves John, POV Sherlock, Switchlock, Slow Burn, Internal Dialogue, Mental Turmoil) – When consulting detective Sherlock Holmes steps on one toe too many at a crime scene, he's consigned to a desk job in an archaic office on the seventh-and-a-half floor of the New Scotland Yard. It’s in this bleak office that Sherlock discovers a portal into the mind of renowned author John Watson. Grander than his mind palace, this new wonderland affords Sherlock new vistas of experimentation. To learn more about the mystery behind the portal, Sherlock seeks out and befriends Watson. But then it all goes wrong when others find the secret portal door—including the man whose brain he visits.

The Vapor Variant by 88thParallel (CanadaHolm) (M, 72,684 w., 18 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-THoB, John Whump, Protective Sherlock, Guilty Sherlock, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, PTSD John, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Suspense, Virus, Sick Fic, Big Brother Mycroft) – They stood face to face in the middle of a clearing. The dim light of the moon barely allowed Sherlock to see the glassy terror in John’s eyes and the sweat that glistened off his forehead. His nose was bleeding again, blood dripping in a slow stream from his right nostril. They were both gasping for air, John’s eyes locked on Sherlock’s. There was no recognition there, just wild animal fear. Time stood still for an eternal few seconds, and Sherlock took a shaky breath. “John—”Spell broken, John spun and bolted back into the woods. Still heaving for air, Sherlock took off after him.

The Monument of Memory by J_Baillier (M, 79,663 w., 14 Ch. || Post S4 Fix It Fic / S4 is Canon, Angst, Family Drama, Guilt, Case Fic, John Loves Sherlock, Complicated Feelings, Mentalism / Hypnosis, Murder, Grieving John, Sherlock is a Bit Not Good, Team Work, Trust Issues, BAMF John, Psychological Trauma, Protective John, Autistic-Spectrum Sherlock, Parentlock, John POV) –  A genius traumatised by a past he's only beginning to recall. The psychopath sister that time forgot. A missing woman and a mentalist who may or may not be a murderer. And, in the middle of it all, stands John Watson.

The Summer Boy by khorazir (T, 94,706 w., 6 Ch. || Post S3/Post TAB/Alternate S4, Friends to Lovers, Asexual Sherlock, POV Sherlock, Flashbacks, Bullying, 1980′s Kid Sherlock, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Inexperienced Sherlock, Grief/Mourning, Pining Sherlock, Case Fic, Sherlock’s Past, Awkward Conversations, Anxious Sherlock, Mycroft Involved with Baby’s Separation from John) – About half a year after the fateful events at Appledore, Sherlock and John embark on a private case in Sussex. For Sherlock, it’s a journey into his past, bringing up memories both happy and sad that he has locked away for almost thirty years. For John, it means coming to terms with the present – and a potential future with Sherlock. Part 1 of the The Summer Boy series

Northwest Passage by Kryptaria (E, 95,157 w., 27 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Canadian AU ||  BAMF!John, Canadian John, PTSD, Anal / Oral Sex, Rimming, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Drug Rehab, Falling in Love, Pining Sherlock, Love Confessions, Sherlock’s Violin, Panic Attacks, Switching, Anxious / Protective Sherlock, Hugs for Comfort, Suicide Mentions, Healing Each Other) – Seven years ago, Captain John Watson of the Canadian Forces Medical Service withdrew from society, seeking a simple, isolated life in the distant northern wilderness of Canada. Though he survives from one day to the next, he doesn't truly live until someone from his dark past calls in a favor and turns his world upside-down with the introduction of Sherlock Holmes." Part 1 of Tales from the Northwest

Given In Evidence by verityburns (M, 97,884 w., 19 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-TRF, Angst, Drama, Case Fic, Romance, BAMF!John, Submissive Sherlock, First Kiss, Humour) – Coming back from the dead can be a complicated business. With a new case on the horizon, rebuilding a life is one thing... rebuilding a friendship quite another. For Sherlock and John, things may never be just the same...

The Cost of a Wish by slashscribe (E, 102,493 w., 12 Ch. || xxxHolic Fusion || Spirits / Ghosts and Magic, Love Confessions, Slow Burn, Soul Mates / Fated Lovers, Adventure, Immortal Sherlock, Powerful John, POV John, Frottage, Wish Granting, Angst with Happy Ending, Nightmares) – John has been plagued by a secret his entire life that has made him feel hopeless until he meets a mysterious, seemingly omniscient man named Sherlock Holmes who owns a wish-granting shop. Their meeting sets off a series of inevitable events that will change the course of both of their lives forever.

Two Two One Bravo Baker by abundantlyqueer (E, 114,574 w., 27 Ch. || Military AU || Afghanistan, War Story, Thriller, Switchlock, Rimming, Emotional Lovemaking, Lots of Sex, HJ/BJ’s) – Captain John Watson of 40 Commando, the Royal Marines, is assigned to protect and assist Sherlock Holmes as he investigates what appears to be a simple war atrocity in Afghanistan. An intense attraction ignites between the two men as they uncover a conspiracy that threatens everything they’ve ever known, but Sherlock is as much hunted as hunter, and everyone close to him is in deadly danger. Can he solve the case in time to save himself and John? Part 1 of Two Two One Bravo Baker Universe

The Bang and the Clatter by earlgreytea68 (M, 137,049 w., 37 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Baseball AU || Slow Burn / Dev. Rel., Possessive/Obsessive Sherlock, Jealous Sherlock, Mutual Pining, Body Appreciation, Depression, Closeted Sexuality, Family, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Ogling Each Other, Anxious Sherlock, Panic Attack, Drunkenness, Talk of Forever, Big Feelings™) – Sherlock Holmes is a pitcher and John Watson is a catcher. No, no, no, it's a baseball AU. Part 1 of Baseball

Proving A Point by elldotsee & J_Baillier (E, 186,270 w., 28 Ch. || Me Before You Fusion || Medical Realism, Insecure John, Depression, Romance, Angst, POV John, Sherlock Whump, Serious Illness, Doctor John, Injury Recovery, Assisted Suicide, Sherlock’s Violin, Awkward Sexual Situations, Alcoholism, Drugs, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn, Body Image, Friends to Lovers, Hurt / Comfort, Pain, Big Brother Mycroft, Intimacy, Anxiety, PTSD, Family Issues, Psychological Trauma, John Whump, Case Fics, Loneliness, Pain) – Invalided home from Afghanistan, running out of funds and convinced that his surgical career is over, John Watson accepts a mysterious job offer to provide care and companionship for a disabled person. Little does he know how much hangs in the balance of his performance as he settles into his new life at Musgrave Court.

[otonymous]

Origins (MLQC Lucien)

Description: Discover the truth about the MC (MLQC AU) Warnings: 18+:  Explicit/graphic language — reader discretion is advised.  Potential trigger warnings: mild mentions of violence, blood and gore; scientific experimentation & related unethical behaviour.  Spoilers for chapter 13. Word Count: 1647 words (~8 mins of darkness, angst, and (hopefully redemptive) fluff at the end) Author’s Notes:  

@marytheredqueen​ requested a drabble about Lucien with a s/o he created himself (like a romantic version of Victor Frankenstein).  This was an intriguing Ask that took me in a very interesting direction which, unfortunately, was more conducive to angst than lascivious thoughts (and also turned out to be much longer than a drabble)!  So apologies, dear requester!  I do hope you enjoy this story nonetheless, as I had a lot of fun writing it 😊

This piece contains some spoilers for Chapter 13 of the game, but the rest is a conglomeration of speculative AU dabbling.  The lines marked with an asterisk were taken directly from Chapter 1 of the game.

Please note the trigger warnings listed above, and happy reading! 👍🏼

All characters & Mr Love: Queen’s Choice owned by Elex

Blood splattered thick across bulletproof glass, crimson smear obscuring the view into the room, grey and bare save for a single straight back chair of brushed steel and an overturned table resting against the far wall.  

And the woman, chest heaving as she stood beneath fluorescent lights, impeccable were it not for the wayward splashes of red marring her white gown like macabre polka-dots.

“I didn’t mean to do it,” she would later tell him, head bowed and gaze on the ground before it swept up to meet his, her eyes wet with tears.  "I thought they were going to hurt me.  I was scared.  Do you believe me?  Are you disappointed?”

Panic had set in her voice when her hand, delicate and small, flew up to encircle his arm in a grip firm enough to make even the strongest of men flinch.  But Ares didn’t even bat an eye.

He could never turn away from his own creation.

“Of course I believe you, foolish girl.  Why would I be upset with you for disposing of garbage?"

He placed a gloved hand over the crown of her head to see her smile of relief, felt the warmth seep through black leather as she nuzzled into his touch.  Ignored the soft groans of the men in neon hazmat suits when they entered the room, trying their collective best to hold in stomach contents while gingerly sidestepping body parts strewn across the concrete floor.

“I hate having to clean up after his experiments.  That girl is a fuckin’ freak, tearin’ apart all these guys without even having to touch ‘em.  Scares the living shit outta me.”

“Shut your goddamn mouth or he’ll hear you.  You may have a death wish buddy, but I wanna live.”

The faintest expression of amusement crossed Ares’ face.  As if he had the time or inclination to deal with every small fry who spoke behind his back within those walls of black steel, the carbon towers of the Black Swan collective stretching high into the sky like impudent fists bucking the laws of nature herself.

Freak, they had called her, when beautiful was what she really was.  Surpassing all of Ares’ expectations even when those convened in that hall of polished obsidian murmured objections under their breath, the organization’s top brass silently gloating that finally, finally…there was something that Ares, the golden child, couldn’t do:

“I heard the project was a failure.  The subject’s too violent…”

“Out of control.  Unpredictable.  She’s a ticking time bomb.”

“Hiding in plain sight?  Ha!  The girl won’t even be able to integrate into normal society.  It's out of the question...”

Even still, the lot had gone silent when Ares swept his cool gaze in their direction, the placidity in dark eyes sinister in a way that none dared to challenge.  It wasn’t until a metal ring began to tap sharp against steel that the tension in the room was broken.

“They say the subject is unstable, Ares; that your project is unsalvageable.  Why do you persist in a futile endeavour?”  The voice projected from the shadowy dais, bouncing off expansive walls in an eerie echo.

“Oh?  And who, pray tell, is best positioned to determine whether or not an experiment has yielded usable results than the scientist himself?  Subject LUC13N is the most advanced prototype I have developed to date, and is, as it stands, our organization’s best chance at achieving its goals.  But you don’t need me to tell you that.  You’ve already witnessed first-hand what she is capable of.”

The metallic tapping ceased, an uncomfortable silence descending upon the standoff between the two men until it was finally interrupted by the one seated on the dais, speaking in a tone both amused and threatening at once:

“Proceed with your plan, Ares.  But know that I do not tolerate failure.”

The scientist rose from his seat at the glass table, the long tails of his black coat sweeping behind him as he left the others in the rumble of discontent that erupted in the wake of the proclamation.

He had no time to listen to the fallout.  There was still much to do.

“I’ll get better, train harder…try to control my abilities!  Isn’t there another way?!”  Her hysteria dies down the moment she sees the look on his face: firm, resigned.  Studying the matte, black capsule on her palm, her voice grows small.  “I don’t want to forget you, Ares.  You’re everything to me…everything I know.”

His large hand reaches out to cup her face, thumb rubbing against the softness of her cheek when he says in a voice laced with fatigue, “It’s the only way.”

She blinks, delicate eyelashes fluttering to make the breath catch in his throat.  The hitch in his movement is slight; Ares is careful to conceal it.  She mustn’t know that as she had begun to change, evolving into something greater and far more complex than his initial designs, so did the way he had come to see her.

As something more than a test subject.  A person.  The woman who carried the genes he so painstakingly extracted and recombined within the mutating cells of her beautiful body.  Tremendous power hidden in an unassuming package — soft and tender and always so pliant in his hands.

And — in what might be the most surprising discovery of all — a creature who had unwittingly breached the barriers to human emotion and learned what it was to love…teaching him how to love in the process.

Ares pulls away, reaching for the tall glass of water on her bedside table to hold it out in offering.  She takes it in a trembling hand, hesitant.

“What’s going to happen?  I swallow this and forget?  What of my mission?”  She looks again at the pill, rolling it about on her palm as if all its implications could be revealed in the contemplation of its featherlight weight.

Kneeling before her, Ares’ lab coat spreads about his legs in a bright halo on the muted concrete floor.  He brings his face level with hers, slowly sliding the glasses down the bridge of his nose before resting them on her bedside table beside a pair of paper cranes.

“You’ll forget all of this.  Forget Black Swan, forget me.  I'll give you new memories: a happy childhood, friends and family who love you.  You'll get the chance to know what it's like to live like a normal human being.  Go to work, come back to a warm place you can call your home.  Eat foods you’ve never before tasted.  Laugh and cry at the movies.  Maybe even fall in love-”

“I’m already in love with yo-”

Ares silences her with a long finger laid gently upon her lips.  He hoped she wouldn’t catch the way it trembled with the force he exerted to keep himself from losing control, holding back the painful emotions that stabbed deeply into his heart.  He couldn’t stand to hear her state what they both already knew to be true, even if they had refrained from confessing up to now:

That Ares had fallen in love with a creature of his own making.  And in an unlikely miracle, she returned his feelings.

“In exchange, the pill will bury the power inside of you until the time is ripe for you to awaken."

The girl remains motionless save for the gentle rise and fall of her chest, slowly processing the words of the man who made her.  “Awaken…and when is that?”

“That’s not for you to worry about, silly girl.  I'll be there when it happens, watching over you. Or did you think I'd leave your side?"

At this, her head snaps up, eyes darkening as pupils expand in an attempt to capture this last image of the man more important to her than life itself.

“Never leave me,” she says, pinching the pill between thumb and forefinger and lifting it to her lips.

A faint smile, beautiful and bittersweet, graces Ares' handsome face when he nods.  "I promise."

Her lips part, sealing their fates as the capsule disappears into her mouth to be swallowed whole.

“Hello, I’m looking for Professor Lucien."*

The woman approaches him on the stairwell of the research centre, eyes squinting for a moment as bright sun shone through the windows to set her face aglow in a way that took Ares’ breath away.

Finally, together again.

He schools his voice, trying to temper the euphoria that threatened to overwhelm him at their reunion.  "Lucien?  What do you want with him?"*

“I’m a producer from the Iridescent Images company.  Here’s my card.  I want to invite the professor to be our guest on the show ‘Miracle Finder.’”*

Ares looks at the delicate hand extending the business card in his direction, remembers the way it used to grip his arm whenever the girl was anxious or scared.  Sees the shy hesitation in the eyes that once looked upon him with love and affection, and is warmed by the prospect that they could have that happiness once more.

And so, it begins…

Thank you so much for reading!  Check out more of my work here! 📚

[i-dream-of-twilight-sparkle]

Chapter 27: Starlight’s Mother, Part 3 - Where Did She Die?

Starlight: But wait… if Sunset is both my mother… AND Sunburst’s Father’s little sister…

Starlight turns towards Sunburst

Starlight: Sunburst… that makes us cousins!

Sunburst: Oh my gosh… you’re right!

Starlight and Sunburst has always been close friends, Sunburst was Starlight’s only friend before getting his cutie mark brought him to Celestia’s school leaving Starlight behind that would end up practically being the final straw for Starlight who was already dealing with a highly secretive but well-intentioned father and no true mother figure to care for her when Firelight was working. As they just discovered now, they were related the whole time through a common link with Starlight’s mother who also happened to be Sunburst’s aunt.  Sunburst looks on over to his newfound Aunt.

Sunburst: I guess I should start calling you my Aunt… but wow… my father has been looking all over the world for you… I don’t know how he’s going to take it that his search has been in vain and you’ve really been dead for so long…

Sunset: Sunspot’s been looking for me this whole time...?

Stellar Flare: *sigh* Yes… though maybe not for the whole time you’ve been gone… he was with us for a good while, up to and including when Sunburst got his Cutie Mark... 

But once he realized you haven’t shown up at all for about a decade he decided to try to look for you, and he was so dedicated in trying to find you that he pledged he’d only come back if he had found closure. He still wrote letters to us every week or so to inform where he is, give us input if we had anything to ask of him, and/or to assure us he’s safe. But he obviously still hasn’t found the closure he’s wanted.

Looks like we just found it for him…

Sunset lowers her head

Sunset: Oh…Sunspot… he didn’t have to leave his family behind to try to find me… I guess I should have told him not to look for me either before I went…

Stellar Flare: And now that I know that you were her all along… now I understand why he never gave me or Sunburst your name… cause of a similar reason Firelight didn’t tell Starlight about you...

Sunset: Do… you know where he is right now?

Stellar Flare: I think in the most recent letter he sent, he said he was going to New Haven?

Twilight: New Haven? Isn’t that the small town in between Klugetown and… Nightmare Cliffs?

Time suddenly feels like it slows down for Sunset as she hears a mention of Nightmare Cliffs

Sunset: Nightmare… Cli-…?

*THUNDER BOOM*

Most of the Thunder strikes have been generally muffled now that they were in the house, but suddenly a close one makes a huge boom that startles the whole group. And at the same time, Sunset has her hooves on the sides of her head as suddenly she remembers something. She remembers a storm, but not the one currently raging above Sire’s Hollow, but one at the edges of Nightmare Cliffs. Two shadowy pony-shaped figures in front of her, and a 3rd much smaller figure up above her.

The rest of the group just watching as Sunset suddenly froze up, eventually Sunset heaves her chest as if heavily breathing despite no longer needing to as a spirit.

Starlight: Mother! What’s wrong?!

Sunset: I… remember… a little more…

Starlight: Huh? Remember what?

Sunset: It’s… not alot of details still… but... Nightmare Cliffs was where I died… I’m now sure of it!

Everyone in the room gasps that mentioning Nightmare Cliffs has resurfaced some memory of Sunset’s death. It seems it will just take mentioning a few key details about what happened in order to unlock Sunset’s full memory of how she died.

Twilight: Is that the only thing new you remember now?

Sunset: Unfortunately, yeah… anything else is information you already know or doesn’t entirely matter. The three anarchists just appear as shadowy figures, two were facing in front of me, and another smaller one flying above me… and that it was storming at the time. But if there’s more things that can point towards what happened, and what was at least one of their names… I might be able to get my full memory awakened.

Starlight: At least we know where you died now, that’s still a pretty big jump from where we were… so Sunburst’s Father is currently in a town near there?

Stellar Flare: He’s certainly been looking everywhere if he went to a small town like New Haven…

Sunset: Well, if you listened to our conversation… dedication to one goal seems to run in the family. I don’t think my brother was an exception, you could also say he wasn’t named Sunspot for nothing. He was pretty good at spotting/finding things out, he certainly never lost a game of hide n’ seek when we were kids. Sometimes I’d even enlist his help when tracking down some threats when I was still Princess Celestia’s Protege

Starlight: In hindsight, Sunset and Sunspot certainly sound like a solid pair of names for siblings. Not to mention we have Sunburst too. All ponies who happen to be named in some way after the Sun.

Sunset: Our family’s been deeply connected to service of Princess Celestia for generations. I’m not even sure how far back exactly, though I’m willing to guess our ancestors include some of Celestia’s most loyal guards or staffers. Don’t suppose you know who it may have been, Princess?

Celestia: I’ve had many wonderful staffers or guards over many generations, it’d probably take some time to find out which ones ultimately led to you, Sunspot, and now Sunburst and Starlight.

Starlight: I’ve alway felt like being named Starlight meant I was more likely former night guard or staffer related in my ancestry, but then again… the sun itself is a star, so it may be a little more vague then I realize.

Sunset: I suppose it’s a good time as ever to go see my brother, especially if he’s been searching for me for so long. I’ll be bringing him back to Stellar Flare and Sunburst for good too. Though it’s going to be a pretty long trip from here to New Haven...

Stellar Flare: Not totally… Princess Twilight actually has a little trick for us to get there quick: Portal Gum! She and her friends have been using them since yesterday and 2 weeks ago to get to and from all around the world instantly. We can get to New Haven pretty quickly... always pretty handy to have that genie magic of hers!

Sunset: Oh yeah, genies have some impressive magic given they’re stock full of soul magic aren’t they? Though first… we should probably discuss how we’re going to do this.

Stellar Flare: Hm… how about me and Sunburst go in together to see him first, and then at some point we’ll tell him that his search is over. And that’s when you’ll walk in

Sunset: Alright, that sounds like a plan…

Stellar Flare grins and winks

Stellar Flare: If there’s one thing you should know about me my dear sister-in-law... is that I’m always chock full of plans. ehehehe!

Twilight pulls out a piece of gum to allow Sunburst, Sunset, and Stellar reunite with Sunspot over in New Haven. She blows and soon an image of a rather rickety tiny town shows up

Twilight: Here’s your portal to New Haven. If you can, try to bring Sunspot back here too

Sunburst: Of course, he may even just want to use the portal to his advantage by simply bringing anything he wants to keep from wherever he’s staying. Seeing Sunset’s spirit will bring the closure he’s so sorely wanted, he’ll want to move in back with me and my Mom for good.

As Sunset, Stellar Flaree, and Sunburst get ready to reunite with Sunspot. Some of Twilight’s friends get in a comment on what’s happening thus far.

Applejack: Ah lot o’ reunions happening today, ain’t there Twilight?

Twilight: Sure is, Applejack. But they were all needed, once we discovered this. We’re getting a lot of answers about some important questions, not to mention bringing closure and a chance for friends to talk with beloved relatives and/or other friends of their own that are among the deceased.

Rarity: All these bittersweet, but also happy reunions… I’m starting to fear my eyes are going to have no more tears to shed, with so many of these happening in a row!

Rainbow: Even I’m getting a little emotional about what we’ve learned so far! Sunset’s seems like such an awesome pony... and thanks to her we understand why Starlight’s magic is so amazing!

Scootaloo: We sure do!

Sweetie Belle: Now we sorta have the full context for Starlight’s cutie mark!

Starlight turns toward the 3 fillies and smiles

Starlight: Yes, I now understand my cutie mark much more then I did even just hours ago. So I’d like to thank all three of you. Once we’ve figured out everything that’s happened to my mom... the next step is deciding what I’ll do now with these revelations...

((Story continues after the break))

Stellar and Sunburst go through the portal, Sunset just says behind the portal until they’ve found where Sunspot currently is. Though she stays behind because as Stellar planned, she’s going to come in as soon as Sunburst and her inform Sunspot that his search is over. Sunburst looks around the small town, and very few amount of ponies who don’t even bat an eye as strangers come through a portal. Sunburst looks around the small town, asking what few citizens there were of a light yellow, orange maned unicorn with a cutie mark of light blue clouds.

They point to one particular house, Sunburst and Stellar thank them for the directions. Stellar heads over just outside the door… or rather lack of a door since none of the houses in New Haven really had one, while Sunburst fetches Sunset to come on over from the portal. Stellar & Sunburst head on in, while Sunset waits outside. Stellar & Sunburst then find Sunspot sitting nose deep reading a book.

Stellar: Sunspot, dear?

The voice of his wife surprises Sunspot, and with the book down his appearance in full view. He doesn’t have the mohawk he once had, instead it’s a pretty disheveled and long mane, and he’s even sporting a large beard.

Sunspot: Stellar… Sunburst… did you really come all this way on the train just to see me?

Stellar: We… actually came through a different, and much quicker way. But we hope you have been well, I get all your letters. So I know you’ve been ok this entire time, certainly doesn’t look like you’ve kept up your hygiene though...

Sunspot: Aheheheh… yeah… I’m sorry... it’s just I’ve still been on this search for so long… but…! I think I recently found a major clue when I searched around the top of the Nightmare Cliffs...

Sunburst: Um, Dad… about your search… you have no need for clues anymore…

Sunspot: Huh? What do you mean by that?

Stellar: Sunspot… dear… your search is over…

Sunspot gets out of his chair to stand and looks puzzled

Sunspot: Just what are you implyi-

Sunset’s spirit then walks into the house right in front of her older brother’s view. He’s mouth agape at first, wiping his eyes to even see if this is real. Sunset takes this as a need to speak to help convince her she’s really there

Sunset: I’m sorry, Sunspot… I’ve been dead since barely a week after I last left Sire’s Hollow… I’m afraid your search has been in vain…

Similar to Firelight earlier, he falls to his knees at the confirmation that Sunset, his sister, has been dead all along. Though unlike breaking down like Firelight did, he silently tears up and quietly says...

Sunspot: …I knew it

Sunset, Stellar, and Sunburst all gasp

Stellar Flare: What do you mean you knew it?!

Sunspot: It… relates to the clue I mentioned…

Sunspot brings out a jar, and within it… a disembodied yellow horn. Sunset takes a look and just as suddenly as when Nightmare Cliffs was mentioned, she reacts putting her hooves on the side of her head again as more memory pours in. This time remembering a large rock that was dropped on her head at a precise spot that broke off her horn and gave Sunset a nasty head injury, preceded by and followed by, the sounds… of a child’s laughter.

Sunset: Aaaaagggggghhhhhh!

Sunspot: Sunset! What’s wrong?!

Sunset: Ergh… just… I… remember more… of the moment I died… this wasn’t what killed me exactly… but a big rock dropped on the base of my horn, and it was heavy enough to break it off and I got a brief concussion…

Sunburst: Then that horn in the jar…

Sunspot: Is all that’s left of her body… of course, it being just a yellow horn couldn’t 100% confirm it was Sunset’s... But… when I found it after carefully searching all around the top of the cliffs… I think my heart sank thinking it was hers… and now I know for sure it was…

Stellar and Sunburst both being unicorns themselves reflexively shiver at the sight of Sunset’s horn. The loss of a horn is many a unicorn’s worst fear.

Stellar: Sunset… did perhaps a stalagmite from the cliffs, fall and break your horn? Perhaps then you were fell down into the water not able to swim due to your concussion... and thus drowned…? Perhaps your death may have all been an accident?

Sunset: No, I was on top of the cliffs, I wasn’t down by the ocean where cliff stalagmites could fall on me. Somepony dropped that rock on me, on purpose, and thus crippled much of my control over my magic… it most certainly had to have been a catalyst for my death then… I still don’t have names or the exact moment of death made clear… but… I’m getting there… one more push could do it… if there’s something else that triggers more memory… I feel like it’s close.

Sunspot: A lot must of happened… but… can we begin with… how are you even able to appear after death? This seems like something out of Star Mares, but it couldn’t be that but for real… otherwise you would of been able to do it the moment of death…

Sunset giggles a bit hearing Sunspot mention one of his favorite book series.

Sunset: It’s… not quite the Star Mares force ghost thing… but basically Princess Twilight’s dragon son Spike summoned my spirit via a powerful gem called a Dragon’s Tear on Spike’s necklace. that’s how I was summoned here. It’d take a while to explain everything at once about our… let’s just say afterlife I guess.

Sunspot: I’m surprised there even is an afterlife at all… it astounds me. But I guess I did hear something about Dragon Tears having incredible powers in the hands of a dragon. Spike’s Dragon Tear is what saved Twilight’s friends in a battle in Saddle Arabia. Whatever the facts about our afterlife are though, I am so happy I get to see and talk to you again, Sis. I wish I could hug you again, but I bet I’d just go through you.

Sunset smiles, and decides to try to surprise him

Sunset: Go on, try anyway.

Sunspot: Why? What’s the point?

Sunset: Just do it, bro!

Sunspot: Well alright… but if I fall over…

Sunset: This is starting to sound like whenever I prank’d you when we were kids. But you can’t exactly tell Mom and Dad to ground a spirit *giggles*

Sunspot: That just makes me think that I will fall over *he spits his tongue out at his sister*

Sunset stretches her hooves out into a t-shape anticipating a hug with a smug look on her face

Sunset: Only one way to find ouuuuuut!

Sunspot anticipates he’ll fall over but even if he does, at least he’d be having fun with his sister again and make her laugh. So he gets in closer fully expecting to just slip through, but he is then surprised… with an actual, honest and surprisingly warm hug from his sister that he’s been searching for any trace of for just about an entire decade.

Sunspot: Wow… I didn’t expect Spirits to be so warm… can all Spirits actually hug anypony?

Sunset: Only those who were blood related, lovers, or close friends. I unfortunately wouldn’t be able to hug your wife for instance. But Sunburst probably could, he’s my nephew after all

Stellar shows that by trying to touch Sunset but her hoof simply just goes through like nothing was there. Sunburst approaches to ask for a hug

Sunburst: Mind if I give that a try?

Sunset: Of course!

Sunburst gets a warm hug of his own from his newfound spirit Aunt.

Sunspot: This is all quite interesting, I’d certainly like to know all about what’s been learned if I can

Sunburst: Princess Twilight, Princess Celestia, Spike, the rest of the Elements of Harmy, and a few other ponies are back in a portal back to Sire’s Hollow. If you have any stuff to bring back from this rather rickety home, you can move back in with us pretty much immediately. Now that we’ve found your sister at last, even if it was finding her spirit more then anything.

Sunspot: Of course, now that I know at least the conclusive part of my sister’s fate. I can finally return home for good.

Sunspot turns toward his wife

Sunspot: I’m sorry I made you wait, only for my sister to have been gone long before I even began my search…

Stellar: Oh it’s ok, dear… both me and Sunburst knew you were on a noble cause… and you at least kept us updated where you were, we missed having you at home, but we understood why this was important to you. Especially now that we know Sunset Shimmer of all ponies was who your sister was the whole time… she was a pretty important pony, not to mention she also turned out to be Starlight’s mother…

Sunspot: *gasp* Sunset, you were Starlight’s mother?! I remember Starlight from my time in Sire’s Hollow… but I never knew you married Firelight…

Stellar: I… can only recall that I saw Sunset visit Firelight from across town. But never really got any farther in knowing their relationship. it was before you moved in with me at Sire’s Hollow after our marriage in Canterlot. I didn’t even really get to know Firelight much until Sunburst became friends with Starlight. I’ve always wondered why Firelight didn’t have a mother around for Starlight, but I guess I didn’t realize that the time I saw Sunset may have been more then a random visit from Celestia’s protege at the time.

Sunset: I had a highly secretive wedding with just me, Firelight, and a trusted royal staffer in Canterlot to handle our vows and could keep a secret. They were allowed to mention it to Celestia, but only that I was married, and not who I married, but with some assurances that I wasn’t like… marrying somepony who was a threat to Equestria. I wish I could of gotten a normal wedding, but that was just too risky. I was still hot on the trail of many enemies.at the time. The next few years I managed to get most of them locked up or reformed, but who knows what the future held.

When I felt Equestria was likely to be safe in the time Celestia could find a new protege, I proceeded to start carrying a foal, step down from being Celestia’s protege within the first few months, give birth to Starlight about 6-7 months later… and unfortunately, ended up dying at Nightmare Cliffs while on one last job to save Equestria close to 3 weeks later…

Sunspot: I see now… Perhaps, I’ll have more of a reason to come back to Sire’s Hollow. I can reunite… with the niece that I didn’t even know that I had.

Sunset smiles

Sunset: I’d appreciate that very much, Sunspot. How about we get going back now?

Sunspot: Sure thing, I don’t actually have a lot of stuff to bring back, so you can probably close that portal once I’ve gotten through. I’ll certainly take back the Jar with your horn, the others will want to know the updated facts about your death, and the horn will be evidence. Anything to help you jog your memory, and figure out all that happened.

Sunset nods. Stellar gives her husband a smug look.

Stellar: Are you gonna do anything about your rather… disheveled look? *giggles*

Sunspot: Well… I’ll try to find a barber who can get me my ol’ mohawk back up, but I kinda want to keep the beard.

Stellar: I… guess that’d be ok… I do kind of like how rugged you are now~ Though can I at least ask you to trim it to a reasonable length?

Sunspot laughs

Sunspot: Sure thing, dear. I’d be alright with that

Sunspot, Sunburst, Sunset, and Stellar all walk back to the portal. Another family reunited, and a mystery closer to being solved once and for all.

UP NEXT: Chapter 28: Starlight’s Mother, Part 4 - The Tragedy of Starlight’s Past