#not entirely sure how to describe it but by 'charmed' i mean the part where he. well. puts you under his spell.

[anderfels]

how does your rook deal after blood of arlathan? how did they feel when elgar'nan spoke to them directly? after they were charmed by him?

[peachyscenes]

from the gazebo | mafia!werewolf!ateez x fem!reader

note: this is a snippet of a piece that i'm currently working on. it's definitely not finished nor is it halfway completed, but out of the 10k words written so far, this is one of my favorite parts. publishing date to be determined. definitely inspired by ice on my teeth.

San and you spent most of the day walking about the estate. You had most of the layout memorized. Their bedrooms were also in the right east wing, but scattered, half of them on the third floor and the other half on the first floor. Employees slept in the left west wing of the estate. You asked San if you’d be sleeping there as well since you're also an employee.

“You're a Helper. Very different from regular staff.” You cocked your head.

“How so?”

San helped you pour your tea, insisting on doing so even when you told him it wasn't necessary. You mentioned how beautiful the gazebo looked from your floor, so he took you. You’re both currently taking a break from the tour. The Victorian style of it, of the entire estate actually, was hard to describe as just beautiful. It took your breath away, and you couldn't believe that you'd be living here from now on.

The little girl inside you is squealing with excitement. If only you could tell her that the prince charmings that saved you were not your average, good-doing citizens.

“How do I put this… You're like a personal assistant. It's pretty common for therianthropes to have Helpers, though usually they're put in education programs to be more… refined?”

“Oh…,” you look down at your appearance. You left some buttons undone of your sleep shirt, the bandages peeking out of the opening. Seonghwa had given you some ointment to help get rid of the faint bruises that scattered your body quicker. Your hair was also untamed at the moment, too tired to brush it out when you woke up this morning. “I don't think I have the refined part down.” San chuckles, sipping on his own tea before continuing.

“There are special circumstances where someone can spontaneously become a Helper. In this case, when the contract was signed for you to be… given to us…” You notice how he chooses his words carefully. “You became a Helper. It's illegal to give or sell people without a reason, hence why most are labeled as Helpers.”

It makes more sense as to why you weren't taken seriously when you were with Dongwook. You were considered a Helper for him, which you didn't even know such a concept existed until now.

“The werekin world sure is different.” San lets out another chuckle.

“You’ll get used to it.”

You want to say more, because it's obvious that their world is different from the regular therianthrope world. You're literally in the hands of the biggest crime syndicate of your city. There's a prolonged silence between you two, just enjoying the weather and the comfort of each other's company. Some minutes pass by when another thought occurs to you.

“I’m sorry for all of these questions, but when you said I’d be like a personal assistant, do you mean like waking you up in the morning?”

San nods slowly, but you know there's more to it. He seems to hesitate to tell you, but you place your hand on his. There's a small smile painting your face, and though your face looks tired with sunken eyes from being bedridden for so long, he can't ignore the small palpitations of his heart when your eyes reflect stars.

“Helpers are companions. Kind of like…,” he pauses, thinking of the right way to describe your role.

“Lovers?” You finish for him. He nods, feeling a bit bashful. He wants to say more about it, but he doesn’t want to make you anxious or feel pressured.

“I'm sure Hongjoong won't push you to do more than what you're comfortable with, but the average Helper assists in companionship, that's what makes them different from staff.”

You nod, thanking him with a squeeze of your hand. You notice the faint bruises that litter his knuckles and you want to ask San about it, but you're not sure if it was appropriate, so you opt to stay silent.

You both sit together under the gazebo, sharing things about each other. From the window of his bedroom, Seonghwa spots the two of you as he's finishing his phone call with Hongjoong.

“Should I go over the details of her contract with her? She seems to be getting along well with some of them.”

“Some?”

Seonghwa chuckles at Hongjoong's tone.

“Wooyoung said she hasn't met anyone else yet. Only him, Yeosang, San, Yunho, and I.”

“And me.”

“Yes, and you, Hongjoong.” He hears a sigh from the other end of the line.

“I would've liked to go over it with her… but I'm getting some serious information here about Dongwook.” Seonghwa hums. While you have knowledge that Dongwook has been taken care of, it seems that he wasn't alone. He was double crossing Hongjoong, so now they have to find out who he was actually working for. “Not to mention… I sent some people to look into her sister.”

“Her sister?”

“Yeah, I met with Stray and Chan said she looked familiar. Felix confirmed that he bought a document from her parents three years ago for a job and confirmed it was her. Saw her in a family photo.”

Seonghwa looks out again at the garden, this time, someone else has joined San and you. You laugh hard at what Jongho says to you, with San seemingly trying to disprove or defend himself. He gets back to Hongjoong.

“Let's not tell her anything. At least not until we have confirmed information.”

They bid each other goodbye. Seonghwa turns back around to look at you and his breath hitches. You're staring up at him and once you both make eye contact, you wave up at him. A small smile spreads on his face, and he waves back. Seonghwa leaves the window, turning towards Wooyoung and Yunho. Wooyoung looks bored as he lays on Seonghwa’s bed facing up. Yunho is leaning on his vanity, picking at his nails. Seonghwa had to hold back from scolding him as his perfumes were moved.

“Hongjoong sent some people to look into it already, but I need you two to look into her sister as well.”

“Huh?” Yunho quirks an eyebrow. “How come?”

Seonghwa’s eyebrows furrow as he purses his lips in thought. To be frank with himself, he's not quite sure either. But after having Yeosang look into your family history and your connection to Dongwook and what he's been up to for the last couple of years behind their backs, it's likely that you have eyes on you. From who? He can't say.

“It's just a hunch. I’m not even sure myself, but we need to keep her safe.” He looks back at the window. If he's quiet enough, he can hear your laughter.

“We made a promise to her. No harm will come her way.”

[simpingland]

Sōnar Māzis// Jacaerys Velaryon x fem!oc.

Summary: arriving at Winterfell was the main mission for Jace and Gaella. Cregan likes Jace almost instantly...Gaella doesn't have it that easy. She counts with Jace's support on her, but jealousy and insecurity gets on the way. Part 1, part 2 and part 3 here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was intensely cold, and Gaela's lips, her fingertips and her cheeks were freezing at every instant. If Jace was feeling the same, he certainly did not look like it. Vermax roared the second the three of them reached Winterfell, and the relief of touching the floor made the cold a bit nicer. The last week, during their stay at The Vale, Jace had been playing his part as Prince incredibly well. Gaella could see in every discourse, in every decision, in every polite glance he made his dedication to his title as Prince. He had gathered the men from the Vale, he was gonna gather the men from the North. The approval of Lord Stark was the approval of almost half of Westeros. Gaella had regretted not entering that room where Lady Arryn and Jace had discussed the war. Was this her way of helping? By standing behind the Prince and reassuring him only when he had nightmares? No, she wanted to be part of history, and Lord Cregan Stark was just that.

The place was humble, nothing rich and somehow, incredibly beautiful, leaving Gaella with no words to describe it. And so it happened, when Cregan welcomed them at the gates, the Princess was too stunned to speak.

"Winterfell for sure is simple..." she muttered. The Lord gave her a strange glance, not sure of the compliment. "Lord Stark, Winterfell is not at all like how I imagined."

"For sure it's poorer than The Red Keep, Princess. But it is the happy people and community that makes it the great land the Crown has come to visit. Seeking for help I assume..."

Jace gently pushed Gaella aside, almost instantly, pushing away someone so they didn't step on the mud. He smiled at the Lord, charming as always.

"Indeed, my Lord. Princes Gaella and I have traveled a good distance to discuss an urgent matter. The House Targaryen needs the House Stark at this moment."

"Prince Jacaerys Velaryon. You are not as I expected you to be. Sure you are serious, I just thought of you a bit..."

"Taller?" Interrupted Gaella, a playful yet nervous smirk on his face. Both men looked at her, Cregan amused, Jace annoyed.

"I was going to say blondier, Princess."

"Well, these things are amystery. My mother's hair is auburn color. And me and my siblings are blonde. Hair means little to nothing."

"Gaella," Jace stopped the girl. "I think we should talk about other matters."

"Sure... Apologies."

Cregan gave her a small smile, almost a mocking smile. And before she could realise, both men walked before her, leaving the Princess completely behind. The small talk of Lord Stark's wife made Gaella feel out of the entire mission. With a polite apology, she upped her pace trying to reach the men. They were already deep in a conversation.

"We wanted to discuss matters of loyalty, Lord Stark" you interrupted.

"I know, Princess, the Prince has already commented the same."

Gaella stared at the other boy, it was getting annoying for the young Lord and Jace could tell.

"Princess Gaella, Lord Stark was mentioning to me that there were a lot of duties he needs to attend before a proper chat" said Jace.

"But there's nothing more important than the Realm."

The Lord signed, and Jace tried his hardest not to scream at the girl. Was this her way of helping?

"Well, we are the ones interrupting Lord Cregan's duties as the protector of the North. We might as well wait."

Gaella looked at Jace looking for a signal, he could not be serious...he was the Prince of the Seven Kingdoms and Lord Stark could not put on hold some chores? But she knew better, it was a bad impression to contradict the Prince. So she left it for the privacy of the hall where their rooms were assigned.

"I wonder, what are Lord Cregan's duties? Putting salt on the neighbor's doorstep to melt the ice? Ripping of animal skins so the woman could knit their cloaks?" Gaella rolled her eyes, trying to gain a smile from Jace. She failed.

"Simple? You called Winterfell 'simple'?" He scolded her in a whisper.

"You did not let me finish."

"'Taller'?"

"He was going to question your legitimacy!" She protested again. Jace took a second not to scream.

"He was going to make a jest, Gaella."

"Well, good thing I made the jest myself, then."

That did manage to get a smile from Jace. Soft and sweet, he tried to hide it. He took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry, my Prince. I should have not commented on something so stupid. Not about Winterfell...not about you." Gaella stared at her hands, still colder than usual.

"Do not worry, Gaella. I don't need someone to point it to know who I am...what I am." He lost the smile, and he stared at Gaella's hands as he lowered his gaze.

She knew at the instant what he was talking about, and as a reassuring gesture, she stepped closer to him, put hand on his chest and searched for his eyes.

"Oh, Jace...being this short is not a problem when you own a dragon."

He pushed the girl away with a mixture of offence and amusement, Gaella laughed at him before going separate ways.

Lord Cregan asked for Jace to accompany him to some of his duties, and Gaella knew at the moment that it was a strategy from the Lord to show the future King how the North worked. Maybe he wanted his help in the future, or wanted to warn him to stay away from his Kingdom. Sure it was simple, but impressive. An ambient much sweeter and safer than the beautiful streets of King's Landing. They left Gaella, once again, behind, but she saw the people's reaction to Jace's presence. They stared with a polite and honest curiosity, no one reached to beg for money or favours, and Cregan even saluted a few of them using their names, and Jace saluted back. Oh...he was going to be such a loved king, of that Gaella was more than certain. And Baela was more than fortunate to be betrothed to the best men in Westeros.

Something that Gaella did not notice was the quiet stares Jace caught of her wherever he could afford. He looked back at her, she was listening a bit impatiently to the men trying to impress her, or maybe she was listening to the woman sharing their daily lives and gossips, and the children staring at her silver hair and fancy jewelry. He could also hear the men getting confused at Gaella's smart responses to the flirting, the laughter of the woman as she gave them her opinion, or the children's awe at her narrations of the Targaryen's history. How much he had missed her soulmate.

At supper time, the girl was styled by the Lady Stark's maidens, and, unable to dress her in southern fashion, Gaella accepted to put on a simple gown, with a simple hairstyle that made her natural curls and snowy hair shine at the light of the candles. When she entered the room, Jace's chat with Cregan got lost in the wind. They stood in the presence of the Princess, Jace being the first one when he, indeed, was not required to stand before her.

"My Prince..." Cregan called him. The boy turned back at the Lord. "May we sit?"

He had stared for too long, and Gaella was confused and blushed by that point.

"Sure. Let's eat."

The music soundsd calmly as a background, never distracting enough, and Jace took the opportunity to sell Team Black a bit more to the Lord. Gaella decided to do the same, with the people around her, hoping they would pressure the Lord in case of future doubts. At a certain point, a melody crossed the room, a special tune. Gaella recognised it at the instant and Jace did as well. They locked eyes, and for an instant they were kids again, in their dull dinners with Lords, hoping for an opportunity to cross words. Jace excused himself before standing up, signing to Gaella to stand with him.

"I hope you got better at this, my Prince...I did not" Gaella whispered to the Prince's ear. He smirked.

"Let me lead."

She tried her best, but still, she stepped on him multiple times. The people around decided to join in but the couple did not notice. Jace's smile was contagious, and Gaella blushed and giggled every time she felt trip. They would quote the instructions learned as kids, disagreeing with a few of them.

"How much I have missed this, Jace" confessed the girl.

"Maybe as much as I have missed you."

When the dessert was announced, the people started to leave the dancing, and Jace and Gaella found a sign, that they should concentrate again on their major task.

He kissed the back of Gaella's hand, led her back to the table and with a polite apology, he suggested Lord Cregan to swap seats on the dining table, leaving Gaella to sit beside the Lord and Jace beside his lady wife.

"What are you doing?" Gaella whispered at a moment of chanting and movement.

"I have talked enough with him today. Now it's your moment to try and show your charms."

And so Gaella did. A bit nervous at the beginning, Lord Cregan seemed to forgive her clumsiness and comments about his land, lending his ear to Gaella's discoveries made that day. She managed to make him smile in genuine amusement, with the gossip of the woman close to his castle, retelling stories that House Stark got wrong about the Hightowers and Targaryens, anecdotes of Jacaerys being a kid on the Red Keep and his fantasies of becoming a secret knight on tournaments. She even taught him how to say "winter is coming" in Valyrian.

And at those giggles being shared, Jace started to feel a pang of jealousy, and he felt even dumb for having the idea of putting them together in the first place. The most beautiful woman of the Seven Kingdoms with the most important young men in Westeros. He tried hard not to show it, but...his urge to finish his cup of wine was a showing, and Gaella caught it but did not understand it.

"Thank you for letting me have a second impression with Cregan, Jace" Gaella spoke behind the Prince right before he could lock himself in his room.

"I am more than sure you got what you wanted..." his tone was desperately trying to be kind, but his dead eyes were betraying him.

"Aren't you happy we are securing the North for a lifetime?" The poor girl was losing her joy by the minute.

"Yes I am, Princess...I'm just tired, I want to call it a day." He was about to close the door.

"With all that wine you had today no wonder you feel dizzy" she cut, harshly, making sure he knew it was not a joke. Jace opened the door wider, frustration sober him up a bit.

"Don't you dare judge me, Gaella..."

"I am not."

"YES...Yes you are. Like everyone else is."

"Jace--"

"And you have no right to do so, because, just like the Hightower that you are, you pull a veil of dignity and superiority to make yourself stand out. But to get what you wanted you need to flirt and swing your hair in the right direction. And then, you have all you want."

"I can't believe you are jealous of me."

"I am...jealous." But not of her...of Cregan, but she did not need to know that.

They had a strange and painful silence. Gaella had many thoughts, and the anger she kept all that day was about to disappear forever, but then Jace decided to get drunk and speak. But Gaella was tired of arguing, of screaming to a boy she had always loved in some type of way, no matter where they were. At this point she was just sad.

"Jace...you should know it has offended me, deeply, that you did not count onme throughout the day. But what hurts...what pains me... is that you are the only person who knows me in every single way. And you see me just as a Hightower with nothing more than shallowness and manipulation skills. Just when I was begging to think the world of you."

A tearfelll down her cheek.

"You thought the world of me? That is why you humiliated me in front of Cregan?"

"Gods no!"

"I tried to get you in the conversation, but every time I did it was a mistake. At the Vale, at the gates of Winterfell, at this dinner with Cregan!"

"He liked me!"

"THAT'S NOT ENOUGH!"

"And what advice would you give me, my Prince?" Gaella's tone changed to a raging and sarcastic one.

"Can I please be respected? All those stories...all those jokes...I think it's more than obvious I will not be a legitimate monarch, and I can't keep my thoughts away from that every single day. If you loved me as much as you claim you do, you might as well leave it to rest? At least in front of others...or me."

"Well I did not know--"

"Yes you did. Just let me rest for the night, Princess Gaella. It won't sit right with me to shut my door in your face."

He stared at her for a second, letting a sight of pure deception, maybe on himself, and finally closed the door softly, almost gently. He left Gaella outside, a pity feelinginn her gut. How could someone be as foolish and careless as her? She had been a participant in that pain, as a kid and a young woman. She wanted to knock on his door so bad...but she decided to give him this one night. As a punishment, she felt unable to sleep.

And therefore, Gaella woke up from something so poor she couldn't call it rest or sleep. When she walked out of her room, she had the terrible luck of running into the one and only Jace. Eyes tired, strangely awake and proper, not at all hungover.

"Jacaerys, please--" the girl muttered, completely unprepared and with the urge to gain his strange friend back.

"I'm afraid our conversation has to wait, Princes Gaella. Lord Cregan in waiting for me."

"May I accompany you?" She asked, a tiny hope in her voice.

"I don't think the top of the Wall is a proper place for a lady."

"As you wished, my Prince..."

And so he left, Gaella behind, with her wishing to hit him and hug him. Maybe both, one after the other multiple times. What they did not know, as the Prince distracted himself with Cregan, learning about the North and listening to the story of the Night's Watch, Gaella would open a letter. A black raven, sealed with Rhaenyra's stamp informed of the terrible news. This news where read by the Princess, who abandoned her breakfast, running around the castle, begging a guard to take her to the Wall. She rode there, she cried on her way up on the elevator, alone in the cold. How could she word it? How did this happen? Poor and sweet Jace.

"Jacaerys?" She called once she reached the top, running as fast as she could in the snow. She even tripped, and she stood up again to keep on searching. "Jacaerys!"

He heard the girl, her voice getting louder. But once she saw him, she went mute.

"Gaella? I told you..." he saw her eyes, full of tears about to fall. Her mouth was upturned Jacaerys nightmare became true as Gaella finally spoke.

"Luke is dead."

Taglist: @mariaelizabeth21-blog1 @bellstwd @kuroladykana

[wayfayrr]

I’LL THROW HANDS WITH ANY OF YOUR EXES THAT MADE YOU FEEL LIKE LESS, YOU ABSOLUTELY ARE LOVABLE, NEVER LET ANYONE TELL YOU OTHERWISE MOSS <3

But also had me clutching my phone to my chest with the luck part 😭 you’re so sweet I’m sending so much love through the internet <33

I know I already made a request (which again, take as long as you need, I am more than happy to wait however long <3) but I’m so serious when I say that I need to request something sweet with self aware asexual Sky, specifically him cuddling with reader, just lying his head on their chest as they rest their cheek against his head while like, maybe they play a lil cozy game; Stardew or something- whether they are playing that game together, or Sky is just watching reader while they play, I have no preference, I just need wholesome fluff <333

~🍀 anon

I'm pretty much over it now!! made me feel like shit but eh - I'm so happy to be separate from them now :P they were a real piece of shit ngl but they don't matter anymore!

I couldn't help myself!! what can I say, it was just so tempting to refer to luck in some way - I mean your emoji is a four-leaf clover!!/aff

I did choose to do this request first cause it felt fitting for pride month (I say posting this within the last 10 minutes) but I also realised there's no way to make something noticeably ace without announcing it - so this just comes across more as soft cuddles <3 but I still think it's sweet

[masterlist]

He’s much warmer than I thought he’d be, considering he hasn’t had a pulse, or blood, or a body for very long at all, only about a week as of now. Yet he’s already mostly a natural with it, only needing a gentle reminder every now and then to breathe compared to when he was freshly - fresher out of the game and needed a nudge every couple of minutes to remember. 

It’s perfect for times like this though, just the two of us lying together taking the time to be in each other's presence and it’s hardly surprising that he’s stuck to me like glue knowing what he’s been through. I can’t help but become more enamoured with him through it all as well, while he’s not entirely like how I imagined his character would’ve been like if this kind of thing happened, if anything I’d say… he’s better. Cuddly, soft and sleepy like you’d assume from how he’s shown in-game but also just so, so much sweeter and sassier than he was shown. It’s charming. 

“You forgot to water the pumpkins my dove.”

“I didn’t but thank you for the reminder sweetheart.”

It feels comfortable calling him that now, It wasn’t immediately and he respected that, now I really couldn’t help falling for him. Right now I can feel myself slipping and falling in love with him more and more, he knows what he’s doing I’m sure of it but despite knowing that it’s impossible to stop myself. The smallest things like how he intertwined his fingers around mine while I hold the switch, resting his head on my chest. Even how his hair rustles on my chest with how he’s laying on top of me is downright addictive, driving me deeper and deeper into his spell. 

“[name], [name] love you still haven’t watered the pumpkins.”

“I’m walking over to them, I know you can see our farmer moving.” 

“Mhm, but I know you aren’t focused on the game.”

“How can I be when you’re acting like this?”

“Acting like what love?”

Where do I begin to describe how he’s been acting? That he’s been extra soft tonight? That he’s been even more gentle than usual with how he’s holding my hands and resting on me? That he’s stolen the softest clothes I own to wear right now? That since he’s started washing his hair with my conditioner his hair is so silky and fluffy and good melling that I just want to bury my face in- He knows exactly what I’m struggling to say out loud, his little giggle spelling it out instantly. 

“Acting like your partner?”

“...”

“Acting like your boyfriend?”

“...Wouldn’t any way you act be acting like my boyfriend?”

“I-!”

Never in my life would I have thought something like that would slip from my mouth that easily, making him stop breathing. And for once? It makes me forget to remind him to too.

[hungharrington]

this might sound a bit weird, but personally i find comforting someone and like. boosting their confidence really fucking hot. like i get off to fixing someone’s insecurities

like maybe an insecure steve about how he’s not the same person he was in high school, thinks he’s lost his charm and attractive looks or whatever due to his scars as well as change in body (he’s not 16 anymore, he’s gonna have a bit of pudge)

just like body worship and, in the best way i can describe it, fucking the belief into him that he’s still gorgeous. like lots of praise

hot or not?

HOT !! HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT!! i'm not sure if 'fix' is the right word for it but i am GOBBLING up what you are putting down my god <3 lots of praise is my fuckin JAM MDNI this entire blog is 18+

i actually don't think that steve is overly that insecure, especially to do with his appearance-- most of the insecurities that pop up with him are to do with his abandonment issues :( but that does not mean there aren’t little moments, yknow?

sometimes it’s a comment, sometimes it only takes an old photograph, especially something something from his earlier years when it was just sport after sport after sport— and look, he likes that he's not as lean as he used to be but then, well sometimes old jeans just don’t fit right and his tummy pushes over the waistband and steve doesn’t hate it, he swears he doesn’t, he just spends a couple extra minutes in the mirror.

he thinks you won’t notice— thinks there wouldn’t be any way you would be able to tell and honestly, he thinks he gets away with it- his usual charm gets all the laughs and you seem to be more giving with your kisses tonight, on his neck and cheeks whenever you can, but he doesn’t make the connection at all. but then back at his, when the kisses get more heated and you’re sprawled in his lap, both of you half undressed, steve starts to notice the extra attention. the lingering lovebites on the inner of his thighs, the nuzzling along his happy trail and tummy — these these motions that draw attention to these parts, these fickle little moments of insecurity, all while you douse him in pleasure.

steve doesn’t mean to let you lead, to let himself squirm on the sheets while your hot tongue licks up his cock but you have a determination in you tonight that he’s far too willing to submit to. every moment your lips aren’t stretched around him, not making him cry out and tremble with how good it feels, you’re whispering into his skin— “feeling good, baby?” you murmur sweetly, pulling your mouth off and pumping the length of him in your hand, teasing at the top. steve nods quickly, arching his back as you speed up your hand. you kiss the skin where his thigh meets his pelvis, your free hand soothing up to his tummy.

“mm, good,” you hum, lightly tonguing his vein, as your hand slides back down from his tummy, gripping into the flesh of his thigh. “s’want you to feel good, stevie— want you to feel good always, cos you are. so fucking good and so fucking beautiful, hmm? my beautiful boy.” and god, steve knows what you’re doing now, a loud whimper slipping out his throat at the realisation - that you’d somehow picked up on his own disappointed looks at his appearances and taken them in stride, showing him in a way he’d understand just how easy it was to love all of him.

steve moans loudly, the noise all high pitched and pitiful, his hands pawing at the sheets for one of your hands to hold, that familiar hunger in his gut boiling hotter and hotter— you release your hold on his thigh in an instant to reach out and lace your fingers together, squeezing tight, and when you take him back in your mouth, steve whines again loudly— feeling hot, feeling loved, and the sour thoughts about the extra pudge on his tummy far far from him now <3

[wntrmelts]

Why I view/write Kaeya as living an inherently feminine experience

(reposting this essay from twitter)

This entire post will be a long string of observations and headcanons surrounding why I believe Kaeya’s story is an inherently feminine experience. It includes canon interactions but also explanations as to why I write him in a certain way in my works. Also, I would like to establish that with ‘feminine’ I am not explicitly talking about gender expression, but more so the societal expectations and gender roles that have been put on women. By this definition, a feminine experience is not exclusive to women only.

Starting in his childhood, Kaeya is described as being gentle and polite by Adelinde (1) whilst Diluc was described as more rambunctious. As they grew up, Kaeya, being the more reserved one, seemed to always stay in Diluc’s shadow (2).

The question is whether this was by choice or something that was imposed upon him. In a way, I think it’s both. To survive, he made sure not to cause trouble or speak out of turn, listening to and pleasing the authoritative figures in his life instead.

After Diluc was out of the picture and out of the KoF, Kaeya was given a completely different role. He was expected to lead now, his previous persona would not suffice in an environment like this. He had to be respected, and in order to gain the respect of his new subordinates, he had to change. He became louder and more visible, he had to learn how to stand his ground. This isn’t only reflected in his personality, but also his appearance. A big silhouette that exudes status with the gold accents and fur coat; it demands attention and communicates confidence to outsiders.

Kaeya as we know him has a very big personality. It’s hard to definitively say whether he enjoys the attention he gets from outsiders. Where does the act stop and his true self begin?

In his hangout, we can see him scurrying away with the traveler once he starts getting approached and praised for his on-stage performance in Port Ormos (3).

From the way he treats the interactions, it seems that he can humor these interactions when needed, but does not particularly enjoy them. There seems to be a dichotomy between the way he presents himself and how wishes other people to perceive him, and his true desires. I don’t think this means that he completely dislikes the way he presents himself. After having played this part for so long, it would make sense that at least part of it melds into his true self, but it does imply that his change post-fight isn’t 100% a case of ‘flourishing into his true self’ as his Vision story might suggest.

On that note, the attention Kaeya seems to get from bystanders seems to be something he does not seem /entirely/ comfortable with. Besides the fan interactions in Port Ormos, Kaeya also mentions in his hangout that he got approached by a group of mercenaries to dance (4).

The subtext suggests they were flirting with him, and whilst it is possible Kaeya genuinely did not realize this, I don’t believe someone like him would be oblivious to the implications of the interaction. He doesn’t name for what it was, plays it off lightly, and moves on. 

(To be fair, you can also take him at his word for this interaction. It really depends on how much you want to believe him. But also, my mans is not smiling in these?? At all??)

Now this goes into headcanon territory but I believe Kaeya is very aware of how people look at him. He’s been described to be eye-catching in his character story 5 (5), good-looking by multiple NPCs, even the traveler calls him handsome (6).

Point is: Kaeya looks good! He knows it, but as we’ve established before, he does not always like it. Despite his own discomfort, he still believes he can use this to his advantage. Because as we know, for him, the ends justify the means (7).

Perhaps he plays up his charm a little because he knows what it will get him, or because people will underestimate his true nature if he keeps it up. 

So for my personal interpretation: he’s ‘flirty’, not because he likes it, but because it helps him get things done. The reactions he gets out of it may or may not disgust him a little, but his sense of self-worth is not enough to stop him from using these tactics to get ahead.

Lastly, I would like to discuss how Kaeya, despite everything that has happened to him, does not outwardly express any of his anger frequently. At least, not in an obvious sense. To keep up appearances and to maintain his image, he never bursts out in anger, shouts, or yells. He is always hyperaware of how other people view him, and being angry is simply not appropriate. He remains composed in the presence of others even if he might want to shout or be angry. 

In short, the performative aspects of Kaeya’s character reflect a very specific part of the female experience to me. Always keeping in check with what other people’s expectations are, not wanting to take up too much space when he was younger but having to learn how to take up more space to gain other people’s respect when he got older, dealing with unwanted attention but not voicing complaints and dismissing them to not make a big deal out of it; these are all parts of it. 

All of this is super self-indulgent so don’t take it too seriously~ Just wanted to justify why I think he gets to sit with the girls :D

References (yes, I'm extra):

Kaeya Hangout: Taste of Home https://genshin-impact.fandom.com/wiki/Taste_of_Home 

Kaeya’s Vision Story https://genshin-impact.fandom.com/wiki/Kaeya/Lore 

Kaeya Hangout: All the World’s a Stage https://genshin-impact.fandom.com/wiki/All_the_World%27s_a_Stage#Must_It_Be_So? 

Kaeya Hangout: Poems Dedicated to the Wind https://genshin-impact.fandom.com/wiki/Poems_Dedicated_to_the_Wind 

Kaeya Character Story 5 https://genshin-impact.fandom.com/wiki/Kaeya/Lore 

Archon Quest: Prologue: When the Wind Dies Down https://genshin-impact.fandom.com/wiki/When_the_Wind_Dies_Down 

Kaeya Character Story 2 https://genshin-impact.fandom.com/wiki/Kaeya/Lore 

[loonybun]

Meeting Aisling (CYOA) 3

hiiiii ough this took forever :( don’t feel like it’s super good but new character! yay!!! he’s normal guys i promise (fingers crossed behind my back)

contains: captivity, faerie carewhumper, dryad guy of unknown whumperee status, references to past abduction(s), fantasy whump, fantasy setting, manhandling.

—————————————————

You decide to look for anything that could help you escape— or at the very least tell you where you are. The window is the obvious thing to look at, considering it’s the only other possible way out of the room. The gaps in the vines are big enough for you to stick your hands through, but you probably couldn’t get much further.

From the holes, you can see a village beneath the structure you’re in. People. There are people here. If you made enough noise, maybe someone would come and save you.

The trees around the village are thicker than most of the houses. Massive structures that you can’t even see the tops of. Branches as big as trains.

Even if the window wasn’t obscured, it’d be too high to jump from. You’re not going to have much luck with it.

You walk over to the vanity in one of the other parts of the room. The mirror greets you with your disgruntled state, twigs and flowers sticking out of tangled hair.

The table is covered with all kinds of trinkets. Bells, flower circlets, crystals, little animals made of glass. It may have been a charming collection under different circumstances, but unfortunately you don’t have time to focus on something so small.

Besides the vanity, there’s also a desk filled to the brim with papers and books. Bottles of ink line the shelf above it. Great, the weirdo that kidnapped you is a writer. You can definitely use that to escape. Maybe threaten to set some of his manuscripts on fire or give him a bad review. That’ll show him.

You groan and go back over to the bed, flopping onto the soft mattress. Despite your amazing investigative skills, you’d somehow neglected the plate of fresh berries on the bedside table. Just looking at them makes your mouth water.

If you’re going to escape, you have to have some fuel in you, right?

As you reach out to grab one of the fruits, something snaps around your wrist and yanks it away.

“Don’t eat that.”

The roots around your arm squeeze it tightly. After you recover from the shock, you turn to face the source of the voice.

The tree.

The fucking tree.

Or what was a tree five seconds ago, at least. Of course. Why not? Magical bug men, talking trees, sure. Just throw in a dancing bear at this point.

The tree— or man, you’re not sure what to describe it as— is giving you a hard glare. It’s entirely made of wood, save for its flowering hair and a few rogue blossoms. If looks could kill, you have a feeling that they wouldn’t be able to put your corpse back together.

It slowly retracts its branches from your wrist, forming them back into a more hand-like structure.

He inspects you for a moment.

“…His standards get lower by the hour. Goodness, where did he even find you? A dog park?” The— whatever he is, scoffs.

Your cheeks flush with embarrassment. He wasn’t wrong, you did look like a mess, but that doesn’t mean his words don’t hurt.

He plucks a leaf from your hair and grins. “I mean, this is just sad. And I thought the last one was bad… No, you take the cake. Anyways, how long were you planning on staying here? Come up with any daring escape plans yet? Please, do tell.”

Even if you had, telling this thing seemed like a bad idea. He definitely doesn’t have your best interests in mind.

“What?” The man(?) frowns. “Too harsh? Alright, fine. I should have just started with names. Have you given yours to him yet?”

You shake your head.

“Good. Don’t. Anyways, since you won’t have much of a use for it anyways, mine is Oleander. You don’t have to give me yours if you don’t want to. I’d like to keep this interaction as quick as possible. Feel free to ask questions though. Better to hear it than learn from experience in this case.”

Well, you sure had a lot of questions. Why are you here? Where is here? What is he? What snatched you away to begin with?

“Ohh, you’re one of the panicky ones. Alright, well, for starters, you’re in a tree. Or a palace. Whatever you’d like to imagine it as, honestly. I don’t know the exact reason you were brought here, but I have a few guesses. Let’s just say none of them are situations anyone would want to be in.” He keeps up with your rapid-fire, only taking a moment in between questions.

“I’m what’s called a dryad. Essentially, a plant with a consciousness and a body created by magic— You do know what magic is, right? Yes? Alright, that saves some explaining. I don’t really want to get into detail about what a faerie is, but that’s what the other man was. Anyways, I’ll be brief, I don’t want you here, and I’m assuming you don’t want to be here either, right?”

You nod.

“Good. That saves me some trouble. I’m going to help you escape. Now, he’s probably going to be back within the next ten or so minutes. You’re not going to mention me to him, understand? He doesn’t know I exist, and I want to keep it that way.”

After you give another nod, he sighs in relief. You watch as Oleander moves back towards the center of the room, his wood skin slowly morphing, bending, and reshaping until you’re left “alone” again.

Your chest feels lighter. There’s still a chance to escape. While you’re still not entirely sure you can trust your new companion, he’s still a failsafe if you can’t find another way out of here.

Just a few minutes later, the door swings open and a familiar person enters the room.

Person? Was that right?

Ai smiles at you, slit pupils you hadn’t noticed previously practically glistening when he spots you at the far end of the room.

“Oh— Hi! You’re awake now? Is everything alright? You look a little shaken up…” He flutters over to you.

Flutters. Right. Wings.

You can’t help but stare. Whatever you’d met in the woods hardly resembled him now. The fae in front of you dawned a long, fairly intricate cloak. His skin— or fur, it’s honestly hard to tell, is a soft pink. He’s not unpleasant looking in any sense, just… Unusual. If it weren’t for the sharp teeth, he’d almost look approachable.

He’s acting like he’s actually concerned about you. Like he didn’t just take you to an entire new dimension. Like there’s any other reason that you’d be upset. You just continue to stare, unable to create a response with the knot in your throat.

Ai sets a hand on your shoulder reassuringly. “Upset? That’s okay. I know it’s a lot for you to take in. I hope you don’t feel like I was trying to deceive you before in the woods… I just thought you seemed interesting! I wanted to get to know you a bit before… Well, before all of this. I didn’t mean to rush you.” You’re hardly paying attention to what he’s saying. He kidnapped you. Of course you’re upset!

“You probably feel scared, don’t you? I… I want to say that I won’t hurt you. Those aren’t my intentions with you. Why don’t we get to know each other a bit better? I want to understand you, and I want you to be able to understand me, too. I know this isn’t the best first impression… But I really didn’t want to have to mess with your memories again. I want to do it right this time.”

This is insane. You can’t read him. What does he want from you? He said he doesn’t want to hurt you, but none of his actions so far have even slightly supported that. He abducted you. He chased you through the fucking woods. What other reason could he possibly have for keeping you here?

“Go ahead, ask me anything.”

taglist: @whumpy-wyrms @inkwell-and-dagger @lordcatwich @kawaii-cakes @enigmawriteswhump (let me know if you want to be added!!!)

[myrandomscribbles]

My Own Timeline of How I Watch Christmas Movies

Short disclaimer before we begin: I meant to post this before Christmas, but I am a busy elf so here we are.

Every time the holiday season starts creeping in, people tend to be more busy and barely in one place. There's always so much stuff to finish, so many things to buy; your to-do and gift lists are endless. (Personally, on most days during the holidays I feel like Joe Pesci in the gif below.) I mean, there's barely time to watch movies in between all of that chaos, right? Wait lol did I just describe my usual holiday scenario? Aha, but that's just the irony - me, have no time for movies? I don't think so!

So because I am a nerd, I'd like to share with you the holiday movies I either A) must watch during the holidays, B) would recommend watching during the holidays or C) both. But here's the catch (& here's how I'm a nerd too) - there's a specific point during the season when it's the perfect time to watch said movie. You'll see what I mean.

Again, we've established that Christmas is one of, if not the busiest time of the year. Ain't nobody got time to watch a list of holiday movies, let alone in a chronological manner! But in case you do, here’s how I’d likely watch them:

First to second week of December:

You’ve Got Mail (1998)

Actually, I normally rewatch this towards the end of November because it still has more of a fall vibe (and that’s what it’s more known for). But since it actually goes through the seasons as Kathleen and Joe’s relationship progresses from haters to lovers, we can consider watching it during the early days of December too. One of the most crucial scenes also happens during the winter anyway!

The Holdovers (2023)

I’ve grown to love this film so much because of the warm fuzzy feeling despite the entire story taking place during the winter. Even if the most important scenes take place at exactly Christmas Day, the film starts as the students are about to take their holiday break. That’s why it feels wrong to watch this before December 1st, but also feels wrong to not watch it on December 1st, does that make sense?! LOL

Anastasia (1997)

This one’s a no-brainer. It’s technically not even a Christmas movie, the first half just takes place in a magical winter wonderland Russia. But I mean, “Once Upon A December” - need I say more? That song, though haunting, along with the beautiful animation just screams pure magic. To this day I can never accept that this does not have an Oscar in animation.

Bonus: any of Netflix or Hallmark’s [trashy] Christmas romcoms

In recent years, I’m trying to understand why Netflix keeps releasing Christmas romcoms with plots that make you go ✨what the hell sure ✨🚬 but here we are! LOL that said, this is a good time to watch those - the most notable ones are The Princess Switch & A Christmas Prince trilogies, both of which for some reason are part of the same universe. I don’t understand it, but again, here we are! There’s a lot more in Netflix’s catalogue; don’t even get me started with Hallmark (and its posters!)

Week before Christmas:

The Holiday (2006)

Also known as Jude Law Flirtation Season, this Christmas classic is rewatchable over and over again because of its charm. We all wanted to be Cameron Diaz at one point, be for real. And since her character and Kate Winslet’s goes on their holiday switch literally the week before Christmas, isn’t it just fitting to watch it around that time too? It’s the closest we have to flirting with Jude Law!

Last Christmas (2019)

I remember watching this in cinemas when it came out, and we all thought it was going to be another fun Christmas romcom. Boy was I wrong. The lady beside me in the theater shared the same sentiments it was so funny lol. But most of the film takes place on the days leading up to Christmas Eve, where the most important scene happens. And let me tell you, not a dry eye in that theater. Not a dry eye.

Happiest Season (2020)

I love this underrated romcom. I honestly think more people should watch it because it’s so wholesome and heart-tugging. Though to be honest, I’m with the majority on saying that Kristen Stewart’s character should have ended up with Aubrey Plaza’s characters. Nevertheless, since the plot takes place on the days leading up to Christmas when Mackenzie Davis brings home Kristen Stewart for Christmas Eve, it’s only fitting to rewatch it on the same time!

Christmas Eve:

Home Alone (1990)

This is not only a Christmas classic for everyone but it’s an automatic rewatch at my house during Christmas Eve. I can’t not go through the 24th without putting this on, even if it’s just in the background while I wrap my gifts! I may be playing it in the background but it doesn’t mean I’m not paying attention though - especially when the Christmas soundtrack comes on? Absolute banger.

Home Alone 2: Lost In New York (1992)

Obviously, if you’ve started with the first one, then continue with the second one! In my opinion, Home Alone is one of the rare film-duo that are both hits and neither are misses. Though some believe the sequel is funnier, I think both are equally hilarious and heartwarming. Christmas Eve is not complete for me without marathoning Home Alone 1 & 2 for sure; that’s a package deal in this household!

Love Actually (2003)

Another absolute must on Christmas Eve for me is this classic (and now somehow criticized) romcom. I realize now that yes there are many problematic parts of it, but the whole Christmas vibe is undefeated. I would watch this on either the days leading up to the 24th or on the day itself - while, again, wrapping presents. No matter what people think of it now, I’m still gonna rewatch this every year.

Christmas Day:

Little Women (2019)

Usually for most families, Christmas Day is full of reunions and get-togethers. For me however, we don’t really do that stuff a lot, so I spend the day mostly watching, guess what, more Christmas films! And on the morning of Christmas Day, I first put on Greta Gerwig’s version of the March sisters’ story - mainly because of Jo saying “Merry Christmas, world” when she wakes up in the morning. I just adore this film so much, I could write more about it but probably another time!

Little Women (1994)

My second favorite adaption is the 1994 Winona Ryder classic, primarily because the Christmas theme is just all over the film. Like the 2019 version, it’s such a warm hug, but with a more classic vibe since it was released in the 90s. I actually love how this was released on my birth year!

It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)

I recently just watched this for the first time, and wow it’s incredibly moving. To say that it truly is a masterpiece is an understatement; I think it’s one of the most beautiful films ever. Though the climax of the film happens on Christmas Eve, the spirit of giving and community in the ending scene is just so heartwarming that you forget it’s only the eve of Christmas. But contrary to the films I watch on the 24th when I’m mostly busy with presents & cooking, this is one of those films that can’t be in the background.

In between Christmas and New Year:

When Harry Met Sally (1989)

To many people, including myself, this is a fall movie. And I agree. But, alongside You’ve Got Mail (1998), it’s part of the “Meg Ryan spends the holidays in New York” cinematic universe, aka gotta be one of my favorite genders! LOL but the reason why this is best watched after Christmas and before New Year is because the height of the film begins around that time, all leading up to the beautiful ending of Harry and Sally getting together on New Year’s Eve.

While You Were Sleeping (1995)

I also just recently watched this and it can technically be a Christmas Eve movie because they actually show the family celebrating (and it's when Sandra Bullock and Bill Pullman first meet!), but the rest of the hilarious events take place after. This is going to be a regular holiday classic for me as well moving forward because of its simple charm, the beauty of Chicago during the holidays, and Sandra Bullock's gorgeous face card.

Serendipity (2001)

This is one of the more underrated ones in my opinion. I absolutely adore Kate Beckinsale in this one - how on earth can someone be that beautiful?! I understand John Cusack lol. But like the previous romcoms above, we briefly go through Christmas but everything happens after, however still during winter. Every time I rewatch this I just want to teleport to New York during the period between Christmas and New Year and just ice skate in Central Park.

New Year’s Eve:

Silver Skates (2020)

I cannot stress this enough: I love this film! An original all-Russian production, it was one of the hidden gems I discovered on Netflix the holiday season following the pandemic. It's absolutely beautiful! It's your typical poor-guy-falls-for-rich-girl plot, but set against the snowy & magical backdrop of Russia at the turn of the 20th century. I always recommend this to people when they are looking for holiday films or period films; this is a bonus because it's both! (Not to mention the main cast is absolutely good-looking)

New Year’s Eve (2011)

Also known as the New Year's version of Love Actually's Christmas, this is another no-brainer. Who doesn't love a good romcom with a stacked cast with characters' stories who intertwine on a holiday? And personally - don't judge me for this if you're American & reading this - I would also like to experience the ball drop on December 31st. There's just something special about being a part of a public crowd on New Year's Eve versus just staying at home with just family. Maybe it depends on each one's traditions but all the same, 12 midnight is what we are all waiting for!

This is obviously a personal and subjective list; there are still loads of Christmas films & classics that are not on it. But make do what you will with this one! This is a free world where we can enjoy these movies whenever we want and at our own pace :)

[vickyvicarious]

Today's entry is another one with strong comparisons to be made between the asylum pair and the castle pair. We start off with Renfield-Dracula comparisons: both his eating other creatures in order to gain life and his cheerful attitude here remind me of the Count. Whenever Dracula had won some new victory over Jonathan (typically by doing something offscreen to foil his latest effort) he tended to get very cheerful and charming. Renfield has circumvented Seward's refusal to give him a cat by eating all his birds and then restarting his experiment, a victory of sorts for him, and is correspondingly quite cheerful.

But it's Seward's response to this behavior which is especially reminiscent of Dracula, and chillingly so: he drugs Renfield to sleep and then goes through his belongings.

I gave Renfield a strong opiate to-night, enough to make even him sleep, and took away his pocket-book to look at it.

While it's never explicitly confirmed, I have a theory that Dracula had been exercising control over Jonathan's sleep throughout his stay in the castle. There are repeated instances where he tells Jonathan to rest well or to sleep soon and Jonathan always follows up with confirmation that direction was followed (when other times there are hints towards unsteady sleep/nightmares). And while it isn't as directly a scene of magical influence, the day Dracula stole Jonathan's papers and other belongings was while also he was locked in a room, sleeping.

That's creepy enough, and it speaks to Seward respecting no boundaries at all with his patient, but the part that sticks out to me most of all is the way this is a direct parallel to a worst-case scenario for Jonathan. Because what is described above is quite simply: the captor, having noticed his captive is keeping notes that he doesn't understand, forces his captive into a vulnerable unconscious state and takes said notes to read and use for his own purposes.

Isn't that exactly what Jonathan lived in such dread of happening, all that time? If Dracula had ever spotted Jonathan writing in his journal, I'm sure it would have happened. And while he wouldn't understand the exact meaning of the shorthand (much the same way Seward doesn't initially understand all Renfield's figures) the gist of the idea would be communicated (he'd realize Jonathan is keeping a secret record and the implications of that, much the same way Seward here is able to finally put together the pieces and figure out Renfield's general ideas). And what comes next? Well, it wouldn't be good for Jonathan, obviously.

Seward doesn't punish Renfield for what he discovers. Not directly. But his reaction is just as terrible because the realization tempts him all the more to indulge his 'mad scientist' instincts. He wants to make a name for himself via Renfield's heretofore unknown madness, and it doesn't really matter how Renfield feels about that or is treated in pursuit of that. Oh, sure, he confines himself here to speculation about whether it might not be worth it to see how far he'd go - tells himself I must not think of this. And yet he's incredibly attracted to the idea (re:dracula did so well with putting voice to how EAGER he is and how reluctantly he pulls himself back - and then only partially before dipping his toes in again), and is already behaving well outside of any appropriate motivation. And so... while Renfield isn't going to suffer in the same way Jonathan would have from the discovery of his diary, he still is worse off. By completing his long-awaited thought and coming up with a name for Renfield ("a zoöphagous (life-eating) maniac") Seward has fully finished shifting him into a mental category entirely separate from all the other patients, and it's definitely not one that has his best interests in mind. He's possessive, too invested, dehumanizing (yesterday's "my friend" has become today's "my homicidal maniac"), and it's all just not good for either one of them.

I think Seward realizes that this isn't good for his own mental health as well, but he can't help longing for it. This is getting more into just me musing aloud here, but... A while ago he spoke about relative dangers of selfish vs. unselfish people, and concluded that people who dedicate themselves to a duty are more dangerous because they throw themselves in fully. And yet that's something he seems to be longing for:

If only there were a sufficient cause! I must not think too much of this, or I may be tempted; a good cause might turn the scale with me, for may not I too be of an exceptional brain, congenitally?

He knows that he is susceptible to that kind of temptation, to ignore all moral qualms for the sake of (making a name for himself with) Science. And he's trying to pull himself back from that brink... but a part of him wants nothing more than to find a cause worthy enough to do it anyway. He wants to dedicate himself fully to something important. He knows that he isn't entirely normal himself, and that once he gave in there would be no turning back. The idea appeals to him, even as it repels him - which in itself is very vampiric, actually. It's like the idea of finding a "sufficient cause" is his own trance which he must try to resist.

And the way he thinks of Lucy right after this seems telling to me. Perhaps he hoped that Lucy would balance him out, would help pull him away from these kinds of impulses, would make him Normal in a way he can't be on his own. But she didn't pick him, in fact she picked a man who is also much more Normal, and they're both wonderful and happy together. And he's happy for them, of course, but it leaves him on the outside. And on the other hand there's Renfield, who seems fully lost (and happy to be so) inside his own mad devotion to his cause. Seward seems to be pining after both Lucy and Renfield in this entry. Not romantically for Renfield, but they represent to him opposite extremes. Lucy is the life he could have if he didn't feel so drawn to odd and amoral ideas; Renfield is the fulfillment he could feel if he didn't feel sufficiently sane to let morals hold him back from indulging those urges. He knows Lucy doesn't love him back (symbolically: that he can't ever be fully normal) and that Renfield isn't someone to imitate (symbolically: that he can't let himself give in fully), so he's just stuck teetering between them at the moment. Of course, with Lucy's rejection leading him to isolate himself in his work (and away from his friends who also pull him back more to better behavior) he keeps tipping more and more towards becoming mad himself in his own way. But he still retains enough control over himself to feel bad about it and refuse to indulge himself fully... even as he fails to notice, or simply doesn't care, just how badly he's already failing to act in Renfield's own interests.

[stutee]

Thoughts while and after watching The Crown Season 6 part 1 -

1. As the crown was and is about the Queen(now Late Queen), this season made me dislike her character more. Claire Foy's character was, if not sympathetic, at least helped us in humanising her as a young woman who did not like the spotlight but had to become one of the important people in the world. With Olivia Coleman's queen, her coldness grew. And Imelda Staunton strengthened her position as the cold mechanical Queen. Still won't deny that she had some sort of charm that made people like her or at least be intrigued about her but other than that, there is nothing

2. Season 3's Charles deserved sympathy. He had so much potential to do something but was constantly shut down and beaten until he lost that battle and ended up being ruthless. But if at one side you wish to show the utter heartlessness with which he and others treated Diana, then how can you show Charles as someone who needs to be sympathised and felt sorry for. Sure as any other human he deserved happiness but on the cost of what? This whole thing with Diana was a huge chain of events that resulted in this. There are articles which wrote that in a better way on how if at one side the crown shows him as the selfish husband, on another side it shows his political/royal campaigns as an attempt to show that he is not entirely a bad person?

3. Which brings us to here, the Ghost of Diana. That was terrible. If that all, we were supposed to have Diana's spirit visiting someone it should be only and only her sons. Some article or someone here wrote how it would be better if Diana haunted the Queen and Charles provoking feelings of regret and guilt rather than a learning and a redemption arc. But out of all the people she went to comfort and impart wisdom to the two people who were the most responsible for her pain.

4. Showing Diana as reckless and seeking attention was a terrible move again. Okay maybe they showed how the royals perceived her but the writing was also aimed at showing how she was also not without her faults and even going to the extent of showing Charles as the bigger person.

5. What's interesting is seeing the growth of Prince Philip. From someone who valued his freedom and independent thinking to becoming one with the royals. Sure if we see from Season 1 and 2's perspective of the husband he was, this is better in how Elizabeth and Philip have now become partners. He advises her and supports her and even fights for her(season 5) but now he is just another royal. Telling her how she should not go to London to offer her regards to Diana's funeral. In real life he is known for weird racist remarks which obviously weren't shown here and yes he wasn't any better either way. But still, he eventually became the Prince of windsor from just Philip.

6. There is obviously a grey area where one finds themselves standing, when we see a personal tragedy depicted in a fictional series. Sure Diana was the people's princess and a public figure but somewhere it felt slightly strange witnessing the whole thing. I can't name or describe the strangeness but well it was there.

7. Last and not the least, there is this one thing that I conclude every season i complete, that is, the royals are utterly useless. Now I get that you are all from a large history and it is nice to keep your traditions and cultures alive but not growing or staying stuck to it even after the world outside was changing rapidly? Saying the same old scripted speeches when the common people were desperate for food and better living conditions is terrible. I am not saying to abolish the monarchy, I mean yeah that would be great but sure if you wish to keep that culture but why the pomp and show and treating them as invincible and even funding them. Why can't they have normal jobs? Sure some royals lead pretty normal lives, so why can't they just be normal? Why on earth do they still feel so superior and God like even in the 21st century? The recent events of King Charles lll speaking of poor living conditions sitting on a throne of jewels. That's such a poor taste and being so ignorant of basic things.

I have always loved the cinematography and acting of this series. No wonder it won awards. And while some of it remains in the final seasons, it lacks the same charm of the initial seasons.

Waiting for part 2 to see how this series concludes.

[aishangotome]

Main Story Chapter 10 BTS Episode 3: Utmost Sincerity (至诚之心) | Light and Night 光與夜之戀

Episode 2

♡———♡

A new, young doctor recently joined the hospital, Dr. Zha. I heard he was an external consultant.

Before he became known throughout the hospital for his handsome looks, Dr. Zha established a reputation for being aloof and serious, so much so that no one dared to engage him in casual conversation.

Then, some time later, the hospital organized a team-building event. As one of the organizers, I steeled myself and approached Dr. Zha, who had just finished a surgery, to invite him. To my surprise, after a brief pause, he agreed. "Team building? Sure, I'll participate."

I looked up in astonishment, meeting his smiling eyes, which seemed to melt away the coldness of his surgical attire.

The team-building event was held at a nearby barbecue restaurant. Dr. Zha, dressed casually, held court with grilling tongs in hand, his jokes and laughter filling the room. As the atmosphere grew lively, someone suggested playing "Truth or Dare." But to everyone's surprise, Dr. Zha, who was always so decisive in the operating room, was repeatedly targeted by the spinning bottle, becoming the main subject of the "interrogation."

Someone jokingly asked, "Dr. Zha, you're so handsome, do you have a girlfriend?"

Dr. Zha's lips curled into a gentle smile. "Although I'm aware of my own charms," he replied, "My heart already belongs entirely to my fiancée."

-

Everyone was stunned.

They hadn't expected the seemingly unapproachable Dr. Zha to be engaged. A wave of curiosity about this mysterious fiancée swept over them.

"Dr. Zha, what's your fiancée like? How did you two meet?"

Dr. Zha didn't shy away from the question, his eyes sparkling.

"She's a dedicated, hardworking, and charming woman. Although she's a bit shy about our relationship and often says the opposite of what she means, that's part of her charm."

"It was love at first sight for us."

"It was dusk. She walked onto the plane, like the most beautiful skylark, and landed before me."

"At that moment, I suddenly understood what destiny meant. She brought me to a world I had never known."

"I love her unyielding spirit. She's the one I'm meant to be with."

Listening to him, I couldn't help but feel a yearning for love.

A relationship where both people are devoted to each other must be wonderful, I thought.

-

From that day on, Dr. Zha became the envy of the entire department. Not only was he a skilled doctor and incredibly handsome, but he also had a loving fiancée.

One day, I noticed that Dr. Zha's locker door was slightly ajar. As I reached out to close it, a book fell out.

"Dr. Zha is already so skilled, and he's still so dedicated to studying?" I picked up the book with admiration, but when I turned it over, I realized it wasn't a medical textbook, as I had assumed. It was a romance novel titled Where the Heart Leads - The Long Road to Pursuing His Wife!

"Could it belong to a patient?" Curiosity led me to flip through it, but after a few pages, I noticed something strange—the scene where the male and female leads met seemed strangely familiar. Then it hit me, wasn't this the same as how Dr. Zha described meeting his fiancée?!

I quickly shoved the book back into the locker and shut the door, my heart pounding. I think I just stumbled upon an incredible secret!

Later, while Dr. Zha was between consultations, I cautiously asked him, "Dr. Zha, do you also enjoy writing novels in your free time? I saw a novel in your locker..."

"Of course not!" Dr. Zha's expression was even more surprised than mine. But when I mentioned the similar encounter scene, he became flustered. "All happy stories are similar! Anyway, please don't mention this to anyone."

Seeing his serious expression, I nodded solemnly, determined to keep this coincidence a secret.

-

Some time passed, and still, no one had seen Dr. Zha's fiancée. I had almost forgotten about it.

Then, that girl appeared, and I finally understood what Dr. Zha was like when he was with someone he loved. His eyes lit up, and his gaze was always following her.

Driven by curiosity, I cautiously asked the girl about it, but she shook her head repeatedly. "I haven't known Charlie for very long," she said, "We're just ordinary friends."

She seemed sincere, but I was even more confused. But gradually, as I observed them, I noticed a strange connection between Dr. Zha and the girl.

Although they always seemed to clash, when faced with a crisis, they were in sync, completely trusting each other. Sometimes they didn't even need words to understand each other's intentions. Around the girl, Dr. Zha displayed a childlike side we had never seen before, straightforward and pure. And the girl seemed to possess a clear understanding of him, accepting him completely.

One day, when I opened the office door, I found Dr. Zha, who had been working all night, asleep at his desk, along with the girl. The soft morning light streamed through the blinds, casting a delicate veil over their hair.

I quietly closed the door and left, thinking to myself, This isn't like those cheesy romance stories. They're a truly unique couple.

-

After a painful struggle, the family finally decided to let go of the critically injured burn victim. The hospital also acknowledged that his chances of survival were slim. But two people refused to give up.

Dr. Zha and that girl shared an unwavering belief in the sanctity of life. They were like lone warriors, upholding their principles in this murky world where everyone else simply followed the rules.

Watching them tirelessly working at the hospital, I was suddenly reminded of my own initial motivation for becoming a doctor—to protect life. Within the walls of this hospital, life was paramount.

"Doctor, how is my child doing? Will he be in pain for the rest of his life...?" Looking into the tired eyes of the patient's family member, I swallowed the excuses that were about to spill from my lips and said sincerely, "Don't give up while there's still hope. Don't spend the rest of your life regretting this decision."

The man's furrowed brow finally relaxed, as if he had found a renewed strength to keep fighting. He gave a heavy, yet determined nod.

At the end of another long day, as I was leaving work, I sent a message to the doctor I had been secretly admiring for a long time, inviting him on a date. Turning off my phone, I looked at the brilliant sunset and smiled. I want to be like Charlie, I thought, Honest to my profession, honest to my heart.

Though I still didn't know if that romance novel was actually written by him.

.

.

.

.

.

Charlie - My Heart Descends (我心降落)

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to leave me a tip here or buy me a coffee through the "Leave a Tip" button on my navigation bar!

[lv-iceprince]

🍃🍡...overall ship...🍡🍃

@margumis

i literally feel so embarrassed by how chummy i was with you, just assigning you the "my gumis" title when i hadn't even touched your ship description, but oh my god, your personality and your visuals??!! i am so enamoured like wow, you really got everything going on for you, you're such a cool person, i could have shipped you with the whole entire group, no joke.

you're just everything with the sweetest personality on top of your sabrina carpenter visuals.

xx

wren

xo

~stray kids~ changbin🍃🍡

You can only express so much through the written word, so all of this probably won’t come close to fully explaining just how much I ship you with Changbin. It seems very on the nose but shipping him with someone who expels such intense energy but seriously pairing him with someone so bright and enthusiastic is big yes.

There is something in you that would strike Changbin as odd (in all the right ways), you just had this natural ability to stand out in a crowd with little to no effort. Or at least that’s how he perceived it, you weren’t a try hard at all, but you totally put a little extra effort in to charm Changbin.

We all know that Changbin is a bubbly mess off stage, but you really help remind people that he has like no chill at all.

 Now, let’s be real Changbin would adore you inside and out but, I must talk about how the two of you are a happy pair of visuals. I’m trying to not be violent with my analogy, but your collective visuals will give any person who sees you two together a finishing body slam.

You both have such a bold look, something so striking and sharp, it’s lethal.  As you can tell by my gushing you are so pretty, and I really mean it. I just love how much duality is present in your visuals, you look like a cold, femme fatale ice queen but there is so much kindness and softness in your eyes.

Even though I would describe Changbin in the exact same way, there is still such a contrast, somehow your visuals feel so damn sharp and refined, compared to the 50% macho man 50% soft boy thing he has going on. It really does seem like you’re the inverted version of him, at least visually speaking but you have everyone else, including me, in awe.

My favourite part of these ships is always the personality part of these ships, and this is no exception. I promise I’m not trying to flatter you; you just have the most fascinating personality. Even from  two paragraphs worth of description you felt like an old friend, there was a sense of familiarity with you, and I feel like that’s just the impression you give off.

So, in Changbin’s eyes you are just that, a safety blanket, a familiar person who he wishes to spend a large portion of his time around.  There’s an inside joke where you are everything Chan wants to be and that you’re lucky Chan falls short otherwise Changbin would be in a dating scandal with 1racha.

Honestly, it would be hard to tell whether he is joking or not and that is the thrill you’ve always wanted in a relationship.

Though I lowkey gag at the thought of “fitness” couples (nothing against them I swear) I really love the idea of Changbin trying to bench press you, or you both deciding on the tame route of hiking together. 

You just have so much in common, so even if you want to do something more domestic and lowkey you still have heaps of fun together. The coffee dates, the late-night drives that are reminiscent of those specific aesthetic audios, that’s what makes this is how pretty your relationship is.

You push all his buttons in the right way, you excite him, he literally welcomes your unserious side.

Each subtle thing that either of you did, brought you closer together, some days Changbin is sure that he stumbled upon his soulmate, one thing is certain in his mind. Each cold distant stare you give him sets his heart ablaze.

......

......

p.s. if you ever need a headcanon or a x reader drabble/fic with this changbin x you energy i will deliverrrrr

[writergod0]

WEAK-tober | Day 9: Bloody

How Late? 6 months, 12 days

AHahhaaha, still keeping this up-- Mostly because I'm avoiding my homework.

Category: M/F

Pairing: Kenny Ji/ Reader

Tags: #Angst

Words: 2,297

Current TW: Author Chose Not To Use Warnings

Author's notes: So there's this one person on discord that I just know likes Kenny angst, and another who hates it. Lmao, so here this is. I'm very happy to be part of the discord, because damn, it is hilarious to watch from the side lines.

The first time he sees you, it’s at some shitty ass convenience store where he and the fucks he takes care of decided to hang. It was one of those days where he takes his subordinates out for something small, just a couple of beers and some chicken, because it’s a lazy day where one could just sit outside on the pavement and smoke.

Some days, one just has to say fuck to that high-end bar that Manwol frequents. There’s a calm about hanging around shitty 24/7 convenience stores; it brings back memories of times when things were simpler.

Kenny watches you walk inside while he drags his cigarette, he’s leaning back on his chair at the outside patio of the store.

Pretty, the leather jacket is definitely a plus in his books. You browse through the store, easy smile on your lips as you talk to someone on your phone—A friend, perhaps? It’s as big contrast from the bad girl outfit you pull of seemingly… which is nice.

Definitely his type.

Fucker #1, who Kenny Ji reluctantly takes care of because of his position, snorts; pulling his attention away from you when he glares at the shit.

“You got something to say, you bastard?”

The bastard still has the audacity to look smug, “She has braces on, and they’re pink.”

“And you…” Kenny drags out as he flicks his cigarette away, stomping on it when he stands; he dusts himself off and pops a mint. “Have no taste.”

He could do charming.

He could also use the excuse to tell his subordinates to fuck off and leave him alone for the rest of the night. It’ll be a nice change of pace, and he’ll get a date out of it.

…

It’s seven dates later, the last date being you teaching him all the ways one could make a gun using a 3D printer, showing off all your stuffed animals you had since a child, and barbecuing at your place because it was cheaper, that he realizes:

Holy shit, that is definitely my type.

It’s also when he realizes that he’s been dating you without realizing it.

What the fuck.

…

“You have a brother?”

Kenny doesn’t know if you told him that before, because it felt like you told him that before and he just forgot. Which would be bad, very bad, because—

You blink, “I never told you?”

“No.” He says, “I don’t think so.”

Your eyes narrow, because for the past several minutes you were talking about this annoying dude that you know, what he did not know that it was you talking about your brother; and Kenny can feel his soul preparing to leave his body.

“For real?”

“Pretty sure.” Well, not that sure, but whatever. Wait… “I would have told you about my own brother if I did—”

“You have a brother?”

Wow.

It’s a full circle.

…

Things with Manwol start falling to shit. Changyeon Lee, the bastard, is being more ruthless than before; but Kenny owes him.

So he goes out and gets his hands dirty.

Kenny doesn’t want Jake to follow in his steps.

Kenny doesn’t want you to know this side of him.

But Changyeon Lee is owed.

…

You find out.

He doesn’t mean for you to find out, but life is shitty enough to throw you right in front of him when he’s doing the shit he does for Manwol. Kenny doesn’t even does this type of job often, he hasn’t bothered with high schoolers for an entire year until now because some fucks called the Un—

It doesn’t matter.

You find out, and he doesn’t follow when you leave with an expression he dares not describe. Manwol and every other fucker out there is watching him for a weakness he cannot afford, he reasons, and keeps the charade up long enough until he’s alone.

He vomits just before he manages to reach your place; the disgust builds itself, and maybe he deserves it.

So he leaves before he could knock on your door.

…

You ask him too meet at a restaurant; one of those Japanese food places that provide private rooms. You like things like that, you enjoy the privacy and kicking off your shoes and sitting cross-legged; though maybe you just want the privacy of breaking things off.

He can’t help but smile and let his shoulders sag in relief when he sees that you’re okay.

You smile.

Any other day, it would have been comforting; Kenny would have been mentally patting himself good job, definitely not blushing, and he’d be able to smile right back.

But he remembers what he did, and now that smile feels less than it ever should be. What would life be like if you decide to look past the deeds he’s done, because you’re kind enough for that. Truly.

Kenny doesn’t deserve that kind of forgiveness.

Not when he knows he can’t leave Manwol; knows that if he stays with you, then it’ll be some kind of fantasy that could be torn down at any moment.

“The kid.” You say, “Did you at least know his name?”

Of course he doesn’t fucking know, he just knew that it was a job that he was assigned to save face; the closest thing to a name for the kid was Motherfucker.

“No, I never really bothered with that.”

Your eyes widen at the admission, and your nails dig into the table; a habit of yours when you’re holding yourself back from being angry or from being excited.

Kenny could guess which.

Fucking Changyeon Lee.

Fucking Manwol.

Fuck all this shit to hell.

And Kenny isn’t one to shy away from accountability, isn’t one to deny that is position in Manwol is a burden his to bear; so he’ll make this easier for you.

“Let’s break up.” He says, determined—

Then you laugh and it’s so much crueler than he ever thought it could be; and Kenny deserves it, and it’ll be so much easier this way to.

“I can’t stand this anymore, fucking bastard.” You sigh, reaching into your purse to toss over one of those cute pink and plastic whatever the fuck they’re called folder envelopes. Your gaze is cold, “Here, read this.”

He takes it, opens the folder and—

There’s a million of things he could have said then, but the words die in his throat. He doesn’t know he’s shaking until you’re holding onto his hand.

Comforting?

No, of course not.

Your nails dig into the back of his hand, it’s too sharp; and when he finally composes himself to look at you, all there is is detachment.

“I had to move the schedule up because of your little stunt.” You say, kissing the back of his knuckle, “But that’s alright, better for the truth to come our sooner than later, right? Better to cut than to hold on.”

The folder drops, spilling its contents throughout the entire floor.

“It’s everything about Manwol.” You tell him as if he didn’t know that two plus two equals four. “You could double-check it if you want. Though I highly doubt you won’t find anything that’s missing.”

Kenny stares at it, he knew the folder was heavier than it should be, but to see the amount of it spread across the floor is another thing entirely. Several pictures, he knows instantly.

He swallows.

“How many copies?”

You let him go with a hum, leaving his side to pick up the files which has fallen. This was planned, he realizes, for a long, long time.

“I have plenty of copies.”

“Why?”

You look at him as if you want to laugh, as if the his questions pains you so that you are torn between hysterics and being furious; you glare at him and in the same breath you smile, and it’s the pain from where your nails dug till it bled that keeps him seated.

“Why do what you do?” You mock, snarling. “Don’t you know it’s dangerous? Don’t you know you hurt people? That the ones you hurt are loved? What did you feel when you hit that kid? What did you think?”

And the disgust builds itself.

“Did you really not know?” You ask him, pleading for what he cannot give; because apologies are useless when it cannot be fixed. “How bloody your hands are because of it, and you don’t even know who I’m talking about.”

You sigh.

He stays seated.

“You’re going to destroy Manwol with this, won’t you?”

Because Kenny doesn’t quite care anymore for what happens to it; and it’s justice at it’s finest. It’s also him, remembering the sea of the nameless and the named of those he hurt; and not knowing who was the one so important to you.

So, yeah.

He’ll deserve everything coming to him; he won’t even care if this was planned since the beginning. Doesn’t have the right.

“No.” You say, “I won’t.”

The confusion must have been evident, that you laugh at him; you’re holding back, he knows, from screaming and crying—

“I won’t, and it’s not because I love you. I don’t.”

Your smile is wry, your smile is sad.

“But because I know that you dug your own grave, that one day that that gang of yours would be the death of you.

Even if not that, I’m not going to go to the press, to the police, or to whatever authority out there that can deal with you fucks; because every week I will do a little thing.

When I do that, these files won’t be sent to every news outlet and to every station. I would do that every week, constantly saving your ass and you’ll know the reason why you’re still walking the streets is because of me.”

And you’re no longer smiling, but absolutely furious. There’s no excuse he could say, no explanation— And all he could do is watch as you break down in front of him and his choices.

“But you’ll be stuck with the knowledge that I could decide any day that it’s not enough, that one day I couldn’t stand the thought of you out there and I just let it happen. Maybe I could forget, maybe there was an accident and I just couldn’t.

How long do you think it will be? A week from now? A month? Several years?

You’re going to live with the knowledge that whatever you build from now could be torn down at any moment. Because this is about you and what you did that cannot be fixed.”

And the long monologue ends, leaving nothing but silence; He doesn’t know who he harmed that made you like this, but knows that it’s on him. If it were any other day, had he been younger or had he not known you, then he would have done anything in his power to burn away all that proof you had thrown in his face and snarled.

But he’s old enough that the awe of joining a gang had worn off into bitterness, and he’s far too fond of your smiles and your company, far too much in love, to take anything more from he than he already has.

And he’s already taken something from you that he cannot remember.

“Sorry.” Kenny says, as if it would change anything. It won’t. “I’m sorry that I hurt you. I wish I didn’t.”

That startles a laugh out of you, who has fallen to your knees, who’s crying as quietly as you can because this is not a revenge plan but a shitty attempt at closure; it’s wet and broken laugh.

“You could have been great, you know.” And those words of yours will haunt him more than your monologue of lies; because he knows when you lie, knows that there’s no copies and no carefully crafted long con for his demise.

Yes, the proof your threw in his face took a long time. Yes, he knows that you knew what he did ever since; but he knows that you long since gave up on using it. Because if you really planned on doing that, he wouldn’t know it until it was already over.

“You’re such a lovely person, truly—”

If he had left behind all those things that made him worse, if he had left Manwol, if he had left Changyeon Lee to rot, if he hadn’t hurt someone that you loved; Kenny wonders if you would have stayed with him.

“—But your hands are too bloody.”

You leave him there.

He takes care of the bill.

…

The first time he saw you, it’s at some shitty ass 24/7 convenience store; you’re definitely his type, and he made his move the moment one of his jackass subordinates made some type of snide comment.

It was a good idea at the time, perfect excuse to ditch his subordinates and the leather jacket you wore that day provided an even better on.

You frowned when you paid for the candy you brought to the store counter, thankful while also unimpressed at the same time with how your eyebrows were raised.

It was fucking hilarious.

He had asked you on a date then, doesn’t remember if his clothes were clean or dirty but knew that he smelt of smoke and alcohol, you had asked in return: “What if you hurt me?”

“A pretty face like yours? Never. Plus, I think you could crush me anytime you want and no one would be able to find the body.”

There was a lot of talking after that, plenty of jokes; they were morbid jokes, and before the night had ended, it had led you to ask him this:

“You know, what if I really did hurt you?”

He grinned.

“I would have deserved it.”

[the-way-astray]

starting to think the way you ship sokeefe is similar to the way i ship jurdan. let me explain in this far-too-long ramble.

don't know if you've read the cruel prince but for the sake of this explanation i'll pretend you have. (there's no spoilers in case you haven't. well except for. jude and cardan get together. but that's fairly obvious. it is kind of the selling point.)

like their relationship is kind of toxic! but that's kind of part of the charm? the dynamic is very much leaned into and acknowledged as toxic? but also they genuinely care about each other? and it's so cute? but also it's kinda fucked up how they started.

don't know how else to describe it like they're perfect for each other but in such a messed up way.

i ship them not in a “oh they're so sweet!!! so healthy!!! so perfect!!! this is exactly what i want in a relationship!!!” way but in a "wow they have. something there. for sure. and it's so interesting how much they care for each other not despite but because of each other's flaws as well as respecting each other for their good qualities too" kind of way.

but i think the difference is perception is all chalked up to the way they're written and the way the authors want you to perceive them.

jude and cardan are both incredibly morally gray and toxic as fuck and holly (author) very much understands that and wants the reader to understand that too. jude and cardan are not good people. you should not want to be like them or have a relationship as fucked up as theirs. that's kind of the point. they are so fucked up and that's why they're so interesting. because you can root for them and the way they embrace each other's flaws and good qualities despite knowing exactly what that means. it's almost like they see their own monster reflected in the other, and that's why they're so into each other. it makes their relationship feel more multifaceted and fleshed out, and overall i do love that series (haven't read it in a hot minute though, so if some of this is slightly inaccurate, sorry about that, lol).

but shannon clearly wants you to perceive sophie and keefe as a fluffy, cute, little teenage romance. that's the problem i have with the way they're written. i love me a good toxic, fucked up relationship with flawed people, but those flaws have to be portrayed as such, or else the entire thing just falls flat (for me). if an author includes all these flaws, but doesn't explore what that means for the relationship, and instead tries to pretend it's all fine and dandy, that's where they lose me. honestly, if sophie and keefe had been fucked up and full of flaws that shannon acknowledged and built their relationship around, i could've really enjoyed them (not saying that's really an option, considering the target age range, but hypothetically speaking). in other words, if shannon had leaned into the flawed dynamic, i think they could've been so good, not from a relationship perspective, but from a character study/writing perspective.

all this rambling is to say, i think this may be the way? you perceive sophie and keefe's dynamic? or at least the way you perceive keefe's flaws? as more of a character study into what trauma can do to a person rather than a more three-dimensional look at how it affects his interpersonal relationships or the story in general? that might be a bit wrong but i don't really know how to explain it better than that, lmfao. and honestly, that's a really interesting way of looking at keefe. it's why i said i don't hate fanon keefe, because there's so many ways to explore and interpret him that make him way more fascinating to me than whatever it is shannon did with him. but in canon, keefe's more negative traits are completely brushed over and not at all delved into, which is honestly such a shame. he could've been so interesting. it's (mostly) why i despise him in canon, or at least the way he's written.

i haven't read any of your fanfics or anything, so i don't know how precisely you see keefe as a character or as a love interest for sophie. i could be completely off the mark, but based on what you've said, i think this is it???

One of my favorite things about unlocked is seeing how broken keefe and Fitz’s relationship has become. Because yes, in the healing center scene, fitz is just trying to help and keefe is being extremely difficult, and while most of that can be chalked up to the fact that he just went through, like, insane trauma and is less okay than he’s ever been in the series (which is saying something), his narration explicitly cares more about Sophie’s feelings than Fitz’s.

Add this onto the list of things that make keefe interesting to me I suppose

[alazyparallelworld]

heh im doing some middle of the night oversharing too i guess- i did mean i wishes for myself to ramble more, its cool to create a catalogue of myself in a public diary format, but i struggle to do it when it doesnt feel like people are "seeing" me or are at least interested, so i only do it to a really tiny audience on a secret blog... not exacty the same. so i think its interesting to see people so it a different way and being more open. though it would also be nice to see more pepple ramble/do it more often because then i can connect with them more

also... I've thought about downloading said diary blog so there is a record of it, and i hope i remember to do it before tumblr becomes obsolete. but youre right that a lot of it is in the moment especially the actual interaction part of putting yourself out in public

hahhhh, and how keen of our differences. i miss being shadowbanned for some select key features - i wasn't appearing in anyone's notifications, i was totally unsearchable and i Especially liked that for tumblr-native searching, etc. i'd trade my minute audience with you, in a heartbeat.

(don't worry, you're fine... idk how familiar you are with, The Lore, but i am haunted by 'gossipy' sort of outsiders. neutral-positive interaction is fine.)

Now. 'Audience'.

preliminary: I am not suggesting that you're here for advice, I have 'midwest polite' where I incline towards suggestions... to which, I have, none. I don't know why I have a magnetic pull. '200 people' has always been my balking point, one I've hit numerous times, over an array of social media sites, fandoms. Apparently... I am charming... and despite my best efforts to hide under a rock, without fail, someone lifts it up. Uncountable how many times have I've changed houses (DRYLY)

for content creation, the practical suggestion is to, 'keep at it! Eventually SOMEONE will notice you...!' but we're talking about, circulation of the self. "I want people to listen by my talk of, breakfast. What I ate, how it tasted. I want someone to notice my subconscious neurotic tics. What I say, how I say it."

can you art a person? Become someone appealing - a Casanova in a social web - and should you...? Happiness will be found upon reception, you're sure. But how do you attain that status? Is the journey worth the destination?

I cannot speak for you, nor do I wish to. I am quite happy that you're here at all - although you describe it as 'oversharing,' which implies unpleasantness. To me this is a simple back-n-forth engagement. This isn't a burden; hell, it's more likely I am weighing on you with either deadringer observations or total bombs. Of course, I won't forget the inverse; you could mean it as the unpleasantness of revelation... but, these are all semantics for the same answer. "It's fine. Really."

Total clarity: I am not trying to eek self-identity out of you. "What do I want?" I'm extrapolating. If it's disturbing, I can understand, and vice-versa if you find it pulls your heartstrings I understand that too. Regardless, you're free to be here. If the talks are continuous, I may make a specific tag - at the moment I'd like to keep you as anonymous due to. Uhm. The irritated Psychosis ordeal, which is entirely my fault, it is a safety measure towards you.

Anyways. Err. (scratches cheek) Considering how vine-spread that whole monologue was, I'll pause there. Feel free to respond, clarify, or dispel.

(nod, nods) ...permanent residences... given how Twitter has kept on with an emptied gas tank, I would archive steadily versus a rush. You can window-shop in the medium; in the event of an apocalypse, you can have a prepped vacation house.

[pearl-neo]

Paranoia

Pairing ⬩ Reader + Johnny

Genre ⬩ psychological thriller \ suspense \ mystery \ angst

Length ⬩ 13k — one shot

Plot ⬩ After a year spent living as a shut-in, you finally agree to go on a drive with your sister. When a storm steers your plan off course, you find yourselves brought closer to two charming strangers—but an unsettling tension lingers in your mind.

Warnings ⬩ anxiety; agoraphobia; implications of depression; ongoing feelings of helplessness, general discomfort, self-doubt; mental breakdown; minor violence; character death

‹ Note › The feelings/mannerisms that come as a consequence of (mild?) agoraphobia in this story all come from a personal place. I don’t mean to make light of anyone’s experience with mental illness.

Disclaimer! I don’t know any of the nct members personally, and would never claim this is how they behave/think in real life. They only inspire me to write these stories, and I think of them as a cast of actors like in a drama or movie. It’s never my intention to project on or disrespect any of the people mentioned.

A sliver of light escaped through the window blinds as your fingers pulled at one of the blades. Despite the clear and sunny sky outside, it was dim in your apartment. It often was. Your eyes rejected the foreign light for a brief moment before they readjusted.

Outside, a pale pink Cadillac convertible was parked in front of the building’s entrance. The kind where the back just above the tail lights rose in a theatrical peak on either side. The roof was down, revealing the velvet white interior. You liked the velvet, it was comfortable; you could almost remember what it felt like.

Although, right now, it only served to remind you of how much time had passed since you were last in it. Maybe a year, maybe a little longer than that… Right before your driver’s license got revoked and you gave up entirely.

“Are you gonna keep staring at it, or are we gonna go get in?” Your sister quipped from behind you, resting her chin on your shoulder. “Not that this isn’t a killer view.”

Even though you appreciated her keeping up a humorous air for your sake, you could still feel the tension. She had been trying to get you to go outside for at least an entire year. Yet you still always managed to back out at the last second.

“We’re absolutely not going to get out of the car?” You asked, probably for the tenth time now. For the whole duration of this past month, you would ask and she would reassure. Over and over again, that it would’ve made anyone else sick of you by now.

She squeezed your shoulders. “Nope, just drive around. Eat something nice. Drive back home before sunset. We’ll get on the coastal highway so there won’t even be that many cars.”

Opening the front door wasn’t a problem—online shopping was basically your lifeline. The slight nausea began only after you stepped out for the first time. Autumn was coming to an end, with the beginnings of a fierce winter approaching eagerly on its heels. The cold wind bit at your flushed cheeks, and you closed your eyes to take it in before willing yourself forward.

It almost didn’t feel real. That somehow made it easier.

The sky was so blue, the trees so green, you couldn’t quite stop staring as everything sped past you. The sun breathed life into the colors of its surroundings in a way that it could never fully achieve inside your apartment. Even having the sun directly on your skin felt foreign. Car roof down, the chilly wind engulfed you in waves.

Soon, you were on a curving highway by the sea. The road was flat and stretched as long as you could see, with only the odd car here and there. What you could only describe as psychedelic pop music played in a pleasant volume in the background.

The drive would be four hours long, two to the end of the coastal road and two back, but you took that as an excuse to stop by three different drive-throughs to assemble what was surely going to be a magnificent spread. A car picnic was part of how your sister had managed to entice you, after you saw some characters on a TV show do it. She even let you pick all of the food.

Breaking the trance-like silence, you said, “I don’t know if I can stand the smell of that food much longer…”

“Same,” she said, “we’re almost there, you see that?”

She nudged her head at a square brown building in the distance. It looked like one of those rest stops that would have a shabby family pool up front. You felt a sense of relief that you wouldn’t have to go in. Maybe you would get the courage to venture out of the car next time. Or maybe the time after that. You let your mind wander as you got closer and closer.

There was one other car already parked there, a jet black Brabus G Wagon. It was a monster of a car, so big and square you thought it almost looked like an armored hearse. When your car pulled over a few spaces away from it, it still managed to dwarf you by comparison.

The music kept playing as the pair of you laid out all of your food, placing it on a checkered picnic blanket that you had covering the trunk of your car, and pushed the front seats as far as they could go for you to stretch your legs out on.

Thankfully, the food was still hot when you took it out of the thermal containers. You had yourself to thank for that idea, so you mentally patted yourself on the back.

“The chicken is all limp,” your sister whined after she picked one up. Just as you reached out for a strip yourself, a drop of cool water landed on the back of your hand and slid off to the side. The colors had grown faded, and the air felt different.

“Oh no.”

And just like that, in under a minute, a few stray drops turned into one of the quickest downpours you had ever experienced. A strong wind came and blew some of the smaller containers off, while you both rushed to hold down whatever you could.

“This doesn’t look very partly cloudy,” your sister laughed. You admired her ability to laugh it off while you panicked and scrambled around dramatically, making a mental note to never trust the weather forecast again.

“Go on, you bring up the car roof and I’ll take care of these,” she called to you over the wind that was continuously growing louder.

The moment you let go of what you’ve been holding down, they slid away from you but mostly held their place (for now). The retracted roof only budged by the tiniest margin despite your incessant pulling. All this rain must’ve done something to it…

At that moment, the door of the black SUV opened and a young man with soft facial features half-jogged to your car. Fighting your instinct to recoil, you found yourself avoiding his eyes instead. You really weren’t ready to talk to anyone. Not to mention, you didn’t get a chance to do any mental preparation for it.

He, on the other hand, had an effortless smile on as he approached, and you almost rolled your eyes at yourself for noticing his dimples right now. But you didn’t, your brows furrowing instead.

“Hi,” he called, “let me help you.” Smoothly, he joined you in pulling the roof up. You could only manage a small “sorry” but your sister added a friendly “thank you!”

He was only wearing blue jeans and a lightweight white sweater. The expensive kind of fabric you wouldn’t want to get wet. So you glanced at him with guilt as it got wetter and wetter.

“It’s like it’s nailed down,” he laughed, eyes squinted in what looked like embarrassment.

“Oh!” he added, looking behind you. You turned to see one more young man coming out of the rest stop this time. It was a bigger guy dressed all in black. Despite his tall and muscular build, something about him was gracefully cat-like.

“Johnny! Could you give us a hand?” The dimpled guy beckoned him over, although he was already on his way to you.

“What’s up? Ah.”

Soon, it was all three of you yanking at it together. Ridiculous. For some reason, it didn’t feel any different than when you were pulling on it by yourself. You prayed that it would be over as soon as possible. You could already feel your breath constricting—even looking their way was difficult. Like they were radioactive.

“Okay, I don’t think this is working out. We might actually damage it if we keep this up,” Johnny said, looking between the three of you, “you’re better off coming inside for now. At least until this storm is over.”

You looked over at your sister, who had just successfully put away all she could save from the food, which was now stacked in a corner in the back seat, getting pitifully hammered by the rain.

Her smile was stretched from ear to ear. You tried to catch her eyes and somehow telepathically communicate to her how uncomfortable you felt, but she had already moved on to observing the dimpled guy’s physique.

Under other circumstances, you would’ve found it funny that you could see the exact moment she snapped out of it. But you were sad to admit that over the past year you rarely found anything funny anymore. A few moments later, her eyes found yours, apologetic.

“Actually, we really need to get going,” she turned to them. “Thanks for your help, though!”

Owing to the storm, it had gotten darker much earlier than anticipated. A glance at the road ahead only discouraged you further when you saw just how thick the fog had gotten—even with the roof up, driving in this weather would certainly be a questionable choice… You would never forgive yourself if you were the reason your sister got into an accident.

Frozen with your hands clenched by your sides, you mentally talked yourself into it. Just one night. Clearing your throat, you gave a hesitant “okay. Let’s go in.”

Her eyebrows shot up in response. “You sure?” Even though she was offering otherwise, you could see how tired she already was. You could also feel the eyes of the two men on you, although you didn’t look up to confirm it.

“Yeah. It’s too dark. We’ll leave as soon as the sun comes up, okay?” Although your words were directed at her, part of it was also said to yourself for reassurance. You continued in a low voice, forcing yourself to look up at them, “uh, thank you so much for trying to help.”

“No worries,” the dimpled guy smiled at the both of you.

If your sister had a tail, she would’ve been wagging it. It was hard not to see that she had a type. The dimpled man, who had a laid-back demeanor and a twinkle in his smiling eyes, was exactly the type she always gravitated towards. The type that looked like he would never hurt you.

A stagger in your step, you found your body resisting the walk inside. Something felt very wrong in your gut, twisting a knot into your stomach. Sharp feelings of regret started to find their way into your mind at having offered to stay. Today wasn’t supposed to go this way. You weren’t supposed to run into anyone.

It could’ve been your imagination, but you felt Johnny’s stare linger on you as you finally followed everyone inside.

*

You were wrong about there being a pool by the entrance of the rest stop. That was probably for the best, because everything else looked fairly uncared for, and the rain only exaggerated all the dirtier aspects.

Past the small courtyard covered in dead (and now, wet) leaves, and a lone vending machine with a few snacks covered in a thick layer of dust, the four of you walked through a smaller door leading to the lobby.

It was just as shabby on the inside as it looked on the outside. Dim, warm-toned light-bulbs provided less-than-ideal lighting so that you could only just make out your surroundings. A musty smell wafted your way almost as soon as you stepped in.

“I’m Jaehyun, by the way,” the dimpled guy’s voice made you turn, and you saw that he still had a relaxed smile on. You and your sister introduced yourselves as Johnny went ahead to the front desk, which was manned by an old woman and her cat. The cat sat with its front paws tucked into its chest, unfazed by the new guests.

“Are you guys staying here, too?” Johnny called back to the two of you.

“Go on,” your sister encouraged. You shot her a look, and she returned it with two thumbs up, miming you can do it.

Keeping any further signs of discomfort to yourself, you agreed that you were in dire need of practice. Given that you hadn’t spoken to anyone other than your sister for the past year, even the thought of a brief exchange with a clerk was enough to set you on edge. You approached the counter with heavy feet.

“Good afternoon,” you started, but the woman spoke right away in a sharp tone. “No vacancy. Under repair, dear.”

“Oh. Well… We’ll just wait in the lobby then, if you don’t mind.”

Your sister had moved on with Jaehyun, the pair of them talking by the entrance. Sopping wet and looking giddy, their laughter and voices were drowned out by the storm outside.

Johnny looked down at you then back to Jaehyun across the lobby before offering “you guys can crash at our room if you want.”

His smile was cat-like to boot, and he was even bigger up close. Absurdly attractive, too. Something about that almost made you queasy, but you passed it off as your nerves building up. How long was the storm going to last?

“We couldn’t. Thank you for your offer, though.” You managed to return a small smile, but by then there was something else in his eyes that you couldn’t decipher. Interest? Amusement?

It must’ve been something you didn’t like, after all, because you hurried away and hooked your arm through your sister’s. She took her time before finally turning away from Jaehyun and back to you.

Deciding it was best to speak away from Jaehyun’s ears, you dragged her farther away. Just in case he felt charitable enough to repeat the same offer—at this point, you weren’t so sure she’d turn it down.

“No vacancies. We can just wait in the lobby for now,” you relayed, steering her towards the waiting area. At least you would get it to yourself.

There were only two shabby couches facing each other, with peeling wooden legs and faded out green fabric. With a start, you noticed for the first time that it wasn’t empty after all.

There was someone sleeping with his legs stretched out on the floor in front of him, ankles crossed. His head slumped forward so that his red hoodie obscured his face, his arms folded against his chest. He was only as big as you or maybe a little taller. Strange. You hadn’t noticed any other cars parked outside.

“Is he with you?” Your sister whispered to Jaehyun, who had followed the pair of you and was suddenly looking around the lobby awkwardly, brows slightly furrowed. He shook his head no.

There was still water dripping from the ends of his hair. He must’ve noticed you unconsciously stare, because he said “I’ll go get us some towels” and went up a narrow set of stairs to their room. Johnny glanced up at him only for a second, before going back to playing with the cat on the counter. The cat squeezed itself past his hands and stalked away into the shadows somewhere.

Why was Jaehyun sitting in the car, if they already had a room with their things in it?

“She doesn’t like us very much,” Johnny said to himself, his tone light. You don’t know why your heart did a little jump. He was talking about the cat. Not you. Right?

That was a non-ideal time for him to look straight at you. But nevertheless he approached, and his quiet walk reminded you of the cat he had just been petting. When he got close enough that it made your body tense up, you were relieved that he didn’t stop and instead kept walking past you.

“Forgot something in the car,” he said to no one, and left the lobby.

A pang of guilt sounded in your chest. You knew you were coming off as stand-offish, but you had your set limits. Especially today.

Your sister had her back turned to you, and was observing a large, muted painting of a tall ship sailing through turbulent waters. There was an ornate but faded golden frame around it.

Reaching out for her hand, you opened your mouth to say something, and—

“Towels?” A smooth voice spoke up behind you, and you spun around so quickly that you almost twisted your neck.

“Aww, thanks!” Your sister took one and let it fall over your head before taking another for herself. That made Jaehyun laugh, twinkles in his eyes. Everything seemed to make him smile or laugh, like he didn’t have a care in the world.

You grabbed the towel off of your head and absentmindedly held it out to your sister until she took it, then you turned to follow Johnny out into the rain.

A cold hand gripped your arm, stopping you. Turning around, you saw Jaehyun’s pale face staring back at you. “You’re gonna catch a cold if you go out there again. Do you need me to get you something? Your roof is open anyway, so I don’t need your keys.”

Next to him, your sister was looking at you with a puzzled expression. You hoped your voice wouldn’t crack, and said “uh, no… No, nevermind, it’s nothing.”

“You okay?” Your sister put her arms around you. “Long day, huh,” she said, rubbing your back.

“Yeah.”

When Johnny came back, you noticed he didn’t have anything in his hands.

What did you forget in the car? You wanted to ask him. But you knew better than to share what was on your mind, with everyone around.

You cursed under your breath at Jaehyun, who was still buttering up to your sister. The curse wasn’t only for how stuck to her he was, or how taken she was with him. It was also for how despite that, he still wouldn’t let you follow Johnny outside.

Although you supposed you had yourself to blame for that, too. It’s not like he forced anything on you. But somehow, when he told you not to go, you felt rooted in place and could no longer do anything other than what he told you to do. Somehow, your body was under other people’s control more than it was under your own.

The whole past year, you had felt yourself slowly slipping—you had been at a war with yourself that went on for so long it left you only as a ghost of who you once were. A silent shadow etched onto the pavement you once sat on.

All the new activity must’ve been noisy, because the sleeping man (boy?) took a deep breath in, sat up, and stretched his arms out in front of him. When he looked up at the three of you and his big eyes caught the light, you decided it would be more accurate to call him “boy” rather than “man.” Wide, circular glasses framed his youthful but angular face.

He immediately looked away and awkwardly drummed his hands on his knees. His clothes were wet, but his hair was dry underneath his hoodie, so you guessed that he must’ve ran in just before your group did. Probably while you were all struggling with pulling the roof up.

“Hi there, storm messed with your plans, too?” Your sister scrunched her nose at him playfully. “Sorry if we woke you, by the way.” She was still rubbing your back.

“No, not at all! Um, I wasn’t actually sleeping or anything. I just ran in a few minutes ago, actually,” he said, “that storm really came out of nowhere! And there was nowhere else to stop… so, yeah.” he paused, then added “I’m Mark.”

You introduced yourselves, and Jaehyun asked if Mark wanted him to check the front desk for a towel for him.

“No, I’m okay, thank you,” he pulled his hood back and shook out his hair, running a hand down its front to calm it down. Something made you instinctively look to your side, and you caught Johnny quietly staring at Mark. His eyes looked different when he wasn’t smiling. He glanced back at you, and that blank expression disappeared just as quickly.

Johnny took that as a chance to address you. “Hey, could I talk to you for a second?” When you nodded, his hand brushed gently against your wrist and led you to a more private space.

“I’m really sorry if I made you uncomfortable earlier.” He leaned into you, his voice soft. “It wasn’t my intention…”

“Don’t worry about it,” was all you could scrape together. You’d be lying if you said this hadn’t caught you off-guard. That being said, you still kept your defenses up. You were a naturally wary person. To be honest, you weren’t even sure what he was apologizing for.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, so…” You trailed off. You used to be so much better at talking.

“Didn’t I? Asking you to share a room with a stranger you barely just met,” he gave a soft laugh, and you could feel his warm breath on your face. Peppermint. Was it just you or was he closer now than when the conversation started?

Feeling the heat rising to your cheeks, you realized you needed to end this exchange soon—you weren’t ready for whatever this is. Willing yourself to continue, you said “you were just being considerate. I can understand that.”

“Is that so? Well, we’re in room two if you change your mind,” he countered, only half-joking, a glint of whatever you caught in his eyes earlier still there.

“But hey,” he said, as he reached to take his jacket off, “it’s chilly out here, so at least let me give you this.” He draped it over your shoulders and walked away, letting his reiterated offer hang without rejection.

* *

The rain outside was relentless. The gaps in the wood of the windows had the cold wind whistling through them, and rattled the glass rhythmically. It made your bones feel damp. Your sister had you wrapped in a tight hug both for her warmth and yours.

Quite the opposite from how you were feeling, these circumstances had her vibrating with excitement at all the possibilities. She adored movies where a random ensemble of characters were stuck together and had to find ways to get along.

Much to your sister’s disappointment (and your relief) Jaehyun and Johnny had went up to their room soon after that encounter. Thanks to the lack of Wi-Fi, she had spent her time so far pestering Mark out of boredom. As the conversation went on, he had loosened up and politely entertained her with whatever random topic she sprang on him.

It was just like your sister to quickly get people to open up to her wherever she went. But soon enough, even she was running out of things to talk about with Mark.

The pause in the conversation left enough room for your sister’s ears to perk up, picking up on the noise coming from down the hall. Considering the fairly small size of the rest stop, and the fact that you watched the two men walk into the room right across from the few steps leading up to the corridor, you could somewhat see their door from here if you strained your eyes hard enough at the dark.

The gap between the door and the floor told you that their lights were still on, and seeing the shadows moving around was the final push your sister needed to bounce up and practically skip there, dodging your desperate hands that clambered to pull her back down.

“Shh, I’m bored, I’ll just go see what they’re up to, that’s all!” She giggled. Your heart just threw itself against your ribcage miserably, in slow but heavy thumps. All the will in your legs escaping, you accepted that you probably wouldn’t be able to get yourself to stand up and follow her. You were under an invisible binding spell. So you and Mark watched her disappear down the short corridor.

She knocked a musical tone on the wood of their door, and it opened in no time, unleashing the light from their room and illuminating their silhouettes. Judging by the size of it, you guessed that it was Johnny. His head bobbed, going along with whatever she was saying to him.

He stepped aside, and your body tensed even more when you saw her go in. From here, it was hard to make out his features as he stood still, facing you. Was he looking your way? He held that position for a little longer before finally closing the door and drowning the corridor back in shadows, making it seem darker than it was before.

You couldn’t tear your eyes away from the corridor. It was as though everything stood still as you watched that door. Almost like all your surroundings shifted, steadily bringing you and that door closer, everything else around you disappearing.

Mark cleared his throat, asking “are you okay?”

That made you snap out of your hyper-focused state, sparing him a glace before returning it to the corridor. “I think so. Sorry.”

“Um… Do you wanna, like, go after her?”

You nodded, almost as though you were given validation to move. Just as you braced yourself to get up, the door opened again. The sight of Johnny stalking down the corridor and coming towards you made you stop, confused.

He sank down into the space next to you, casually flashing you a smile. “Hi again.”

You gave him a curt nod in reply, before impulsively shifting your gaze away. When your eyes found him again, through a great deal of effort on your part, they lingered this time. At that, his eyebrows went up inquisitively.

“Is everything okay?” He finally asked.

Before you could answer, you jumped at the sight of your sister already approaching you with Jaehyun on her tail. You really must’ve been out of it staring at Johnny…

As they maneuvered to find an empty spot to sit, the pair had ditzy smiles across their faces, and you could even see a hint of childish mischievousness.

“You won’t believe what Jaehyun here had in his suitcase,” your sister teased, both of her hands holding something behind her back. “Which was immaculately organized, by the way. But…” She pulled out a long rectangular box, and it took you a moment before you recognized that it was a Jenga tower. “Who the hell travels around with this thing?”

All four of them laughed at your sister’s presentation, and you felt like the odd one out for not having it in you to laugh along with them. Your sister plopped down in the space between Jaehyun and Mark, and began setting up the tower on the short coffee table that stood between the two couches.

“We might as well make use of it, right? You’re all playing,” she said. After that, it was mostly quiet as she finished working on it. It wasn’t plain wood like what you usually saw on TV, but instead with blocks tinted red and green.

“How about you go first?” You found your sister pointing at you excitedly. Now that she was guaranteed time spent together with everyone for at least the duration of one game, she was practically bouncing in her seat. And you knew perfectly well that she didn’t plan on letting it end after only one round.

“Let’s go!” Mark clapped, saying your name to hype you up.

You reached out and plucked an easy red block towards the top of the tower, which you were eager to set back on the very top to get everyone’s eyes off of you.

“Not so fast,” your sister said, finger twirling playfully in the air, urging you to pick the block back up. When you did, you noticed a line of small print on the underside of the block:

Whisper one of your deepest, darkest secrets to the person on your left.

Truth or dare. You never thought it was something that you would have to come across again as an adult. When participating was unavoidable, you had always defaulted to truths. But looking at it now, you concluded that the green blocks must be truth and the red ones must be dare. Although this one felt awfully a lot like both.

“Well?” She pushed, “read it aloud!”

“Whisper one of your deepest, darkest secrets to the person on your left,” you read, and Johnny perked up as he held his long hand up to his ear. Pathetically, your own hand shook as you leaned forward to set the block back.

“The darker the better,” Johnny winked at you.

“Oh. Well…” For starters, telling him anything personal was out of the question. What was something believable you could come up with on a whim? Finally, you leaned into him as close as you could get yourself to go (which wasn’t very close at all) and whispered “I cheated on my college final.”

“That’s all you got?” He feigned an expression of disbelief.

“That’s all I got.” You said, deflecting.

“You’re welcome to give us a dark secret of your own then, mister the darker the better,” your sister teased, earning a playful nudge from Jaehyun, who seemed to be enjoying driving Johnny into a corner.

“Oh, trust me, I have plenty,” Johnny’s tone was lighthearted, but your eyes met his and you caught that same look from before, lurking just beneath the surface. He didn’t look away, almost like he was pausing to savor your discomfort, so you broke eye contact first and cleared your throat.

“Mark, your turn.”

When you glanced up at Mark, you caught his eyes darting from you to Johnny. Too caught up in whatever was going on between you two, you had failed to notice that Mark was somehow under the same blanket of tension. Or at the very least, he was an observer. Had Johnny noticed?

Mark mirrored you in clearing his throat, then pushed a finger into a block towards the middle of the tower. A green one stuck out on the other side, and he reached around to take it. Truth.

“What is the most childish thing you still do?” He read.

“And try to limit it to one, kid,” Johnny stared ahead at Mark, his calculated smile delayed.

So he had noticed.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Mark said, although he was visibly trying to keep his tone light. Meanwhile, a laid-back Jaehyun still had his amused smile on as he watched Johnny. When Johnny didn’t comment, Mark moved past it and gave a half-baked answer to his prompt.

“Finally!” Your sister gave an exaggerated sigh, probably relieved to have the focus shifted away from Mark and Johnny’s strange tension. She went straight for a red block, picking out a dare. “Hm, dance with no music for one minute… See, no, that’s no way to treat the game master.”

“Game master?” Jaehyun echoed, grinning.

“Yep. You may be the landlord for packing the Jenga, but I dug the thing out, so I hereby officially declare myself game master. Everyone kneel—or actually, I’ll settle for some singing this time.”

Johnny held a conceding palm out to Jaehyun, who pondered for a moment before slipping into smooth singing. You weren’t surprised by how it sounded just as rich and smooth as his speaking voice did.

“I fall in love too easily,” he sang extra slowly, earning a smack on his shoulder from your sister for picking a ballad, followed by some passionate head-banging as she pretended to dance at a rock concert.

“I fall in love too fast,”—his voice broke at ‘fast’ as he held back his laughter—“I fall in love too terribly hard,”—it was getting harder for him to maintain his composure when Mark and Johnny didn’t share his reservations, with Mark clapping like a seal right next to him—”for love to ever last... Okay, okay, I think the minute is up. You’re gonna dislocate something.”

Out of breath, she flopped back down onto the couch, hands busy fixing her wild hair. “Your turn,” she panted to Jaehyun, “And don’t be lame. Dares only.”

“Okay, dare it is,” he laughed. Then proceeded to laugh even harder when he read out his dare. “Serenade the person of your choosing.”

Needless to say, of course your sister was serenaded twice in one night.

The game went on for a while, with Johnny, Jaehyun, and your sister routinely picking dares. The group would eventually get loud enough to warrant an occasional scowl from the old lady at the front desk, until it was late enough for her to call it a day and disappear into a door tucked away behind the counter.

Meanwhile, you and Mark had mostly stuck to truths, as the Jenga tower grew more and more unstable. It was Mark’s turn again when he picked yet another green block.

“Name one thing you’d do if you knew there would be zero consequences.” He read in a drowsy voice, going on to give a quick answer. “I don’t know, I guess I’d knock some snacks out of that vending machine. I don’t know why I said that, I wouldn’t actually do that. I really am getting kinda hungry, though…”

“Your mind went straight to burglary? You guys better watch your bags tonight,” Johnny said, and what you assumed was supposed to be a humorous jab came across a little too sharp-tongued. Everyone’s energy levels had been depleting over the past couple of hours spent on the lobby’s less than ideal couches.

“I’m sorry, do you have some kind of problem with me?” Mark retorted.

“I don’t know, should I?” Johnny said.

“Dude, if you have something to say to me, just say it.”

Your sister pushed herself off the couch. “Well, I’ll go use the bathroom until you guys figure this out like big boys.”

“Nice and condescending, yeah?” Johnny said, not bothering to look up at her as she retreated to their room.

Jaehyun hid his evident enjoyment long enough to hold both of his hands up and say “okay, guys, how about we take a break?”

“Nah, I’m good.” Johnny shot back, his face anything but. His demeanor was scarily calm throughout the entire exchange.

That cold atmosphere went on for the next few rounds. You hadn’t forgotten that you were merely attempting to get along with strangers you knew nothing about. Johnny with his two sides, all calculated smiles and concealed stares. Jaehyun with his eerily laid-back demeanor and strange enjoyment of the conflict. And Mark. You didn’t know what to think of him yet.

With the added tension, you stopped trying to look up at any of them.

Before you knew it, it was your turn again. Would this cursed game ever end? So far, you had exclusively picked truths and lied your way through all of them. Your eyes scanned the tower over several times, before you gave up finding a green block that was stable enough. You picked your second dare of the night, this time voluntarily.

Let the group look through your phone for one minute.

A whole host of reasons rushed through your mind at how bad of an idea that was. At the very least, they would know that the only contact on your phone was your sister. You had virtually no pictures, and no apps. Everything pointed to your ghost-like life, so empty and unremarkable that it was practically a burner phone.

“Well?” Jaehyun said.

“I don’t want to do this one.”

“It can’t be that bad, can it?” Johnny asked.

“She just told you she’s not comfortable with whatever it is, though.” Mark spoke up, having mostly kept his silence for the past few rounds.

Johnny reached for the block in your hand, and your body flinched involuntarily, the block flying out of your hand and skidding across the floor.

“Whoa,” Johnny hung back, “I’m sorry. I wasn’t gonna do anything.”

“I think you’re scaring her, Johnny.” Jaehyun said, his voice ominously quiet. Was there a hint of a smile in his voice? Were you imagining things?

“Am I?”

No one said anything for what felt like a long moment, until finally, as if on queue, your sister was back in the lobby.

“What did I miss?” She said, entirely missing the atmosphere of the room.

Johnny reached forward and tugged one of the legs the tower was supporting itself on. The entire thing came crashing down.

“Oh.” She stopped midway, hovering awkwardly next to them. “Okay then.”

“Good night.” Johnny said, getting up and giving you a brief pat on the head, before slowly making his way back to their room. Your scalp felt like pop rocks as you watched him walk away.

* * *

It was past midnight. Now it was just the two of you again, along with Mark. Your sister was sleeping soundly next to you, her head on your shoulder.

Mark was still awake on the couch across from you, but he was back to sitting quietly in the corner and avoiding eye contact. Save for the occasional accidental eye contact with you, which he responded to by sending a small smile your way before going back to aimlessly staring away.

His hands were curled around the warm thermos your sister had given him earlier. He set it down when the owner’s cat sauntered towards him, and patted his lap for it to come up. It deliberated for a moment, then jumped and curled up on him as he stroked it.

Your mind couldn’t help but go back to your interaction with Johnny, running it over in your head again and again until you had positively squeezed the life out of it. One minute he was cold and calculated, and the next he was the gentlemanly romantic lead. Or at least he knew how to make people perceive him that way.

You shivered—the weather was getting colder.

“Mm?” Your sister looked up at you, eyes barely able to open.

“It’s nothing, go to sleep,” you reassured her, then took the chance to get up now that her head was no longer resting on you.

The front desk was empty now, but you attempted to ring the bell on the counter anyway. A while of waiting made you accept that no one was coming. It was probably safe to assume the old lady ran this place by herself, and was most likely asleep by now.

You needed to go to the bathroom. A quick look around led you to a door with a sheet of paper taped to it, reading “Staff Only.” You twisted the doorknob, your guilt a second priority right now. Locked.

It might have been the hope of almost finding a bathroom, but suddenly your mild need for it turned into a more urgent one. You looked around some more, before cursing under your breath and going up the narrow staircase that led up to the rooms.

To your surprise, the hallway was very short. It was even darker than the lobby, so you gave your eyes some time to adjust. There were only three doors, the one in the center had a brass number 2 on it, and was right across from the staircase.

We’re in room two, if you change your mind, Johnny’s captivating voice played in your mind for what felt like the hundredth time. Feeling your heartbeat speed up again, you took deep breaths and willed yourself to calm down. The other rooms were under repair, but maybe their bathrooms weren’t.

First, you attempted to open the door with the brass 1 on it, but it didn’t budge. Then the one with the brass 3, but that one wouldn’t open either.

You clenched your fists and cursed your terrible luck. Would they even be awake?

After a lengthy struggle, consisting of an internal argument about whether you’d rather ask them for help or go out into the nearby wilderness in the middle of a storm, you knocked on the door of the second room.

As you waited, you glanced back down the stairs behind you, your eyes searching for your sister. She was now lying down on the couch, breathing deeply…

The door springing open made you jump, and Jaehyun was positively beaming in the center of the door frame. Following a quick scan, his smile faltered when he realized your sister wasn’t in tow.

He looked like he had just showered, his hair damp again, and his skin glowing. Johnny was stretched out on the bed behind him, awake.

“Welcome,” Jaehyun said, picking his spirit back up. “Did you change your mind?”

“No, but would you mind if I use your bathroom?” You died a little on the inside.

“Of course not, come in,” he made way for you, and you abandoned your last remaining shred of dignity as you sprinted to what you assumed was the bathroom. Jaehyun giggled behind you before you closed the door and finally got some privacy.

Despite being done, you stalled going back out, probably out of dread. You supposed it was in your favor that the bathroom was by far the cleanest place in the entirety of this pit stop. A quick look around told you that Johnny and Jaehyun were comfortably settled in. An electric shaver was strewn on the counter, and a travel-sized toothpaste tube lay feebly next to the sink, almost all used up. Peppermint.

Finally, you took a deep breath and opened the door. You were immediately met with Johnny, who was leaning on the wall by the bathroom, not even an arm’s length away. Behind him, Jaehyun was nowhere to be seen, and the door leading out of the room was closed.

Momentarily dizzied from the blood rushing to your head, you took a step back to create some distance.

He smiled sweetly, “the storm sure is taking a while to settle down. Where were you two on your way to, again?”

“Just a short trip. They’re expecting us back at work tomorrow.” You lied, knowing full well there was no one there who would notice your absence, save for your sister.

“Oh, you two work together? Jaehyun and I work together too, actually.”

His eyes watched you patiently as you flipped imaginary pages in your head, scrambling for something normal to say next. You felt like it would be the polite thing to do to continue the conversation, but your heart was beating too fast for that, which made you that much more nervous and jittery. Johnny seemed to be enjoying your visible anxiety. You weren’t sure if it was your imagination that his smile was getting wider. Something about it wasn’t so sweet anymore.

“I should get back. To the lobby, I mean. Thanks again.” He didn’t lock the door, did he? The nausea was creeping back up.

You speed-walked to the door like you used to do when you were little, when you were alone in the dark and scared of whatever thing that might snatch you and drag you away before you reached the light. You could only feel fear. Fear of how powerless you felt about everything.

It felt much longer than it should’ve but you reached the door. The hair on your neck stood and your breath quickened. You turned the knob, and it swung open.

In a hasty moment, you tripped at the first step of the stairs, and a big arm grabbed you around your waist. You could see Johnny’s profile in your peripheral vision, curling down for his cheek to meet the side of your head, slow breaths against your ear. His chest rose and fell gently against your back; he was holding on so tightly.

He felt like a solid wall, and you knew it was impossible for you to get away unless he was the one who chose to let go of you. He alone should’ve been able to pull up the car roof with ease.

“Back when we were playing that game,” he said, his voice so low you could barely hear it, “did you feel like I was gonna hurt you?”

What was he saying? You left his words unanswered as you were still engulfed by your silence.

From here, you could see that your sister was still sleeping peacefully, and Mark had his head turned away. Nevertheless, just having your sister in your sight helped soothe your nerves. That feeling was fleeting as Johnny spoke his next sentence.

“Are you scared of me?”

Trapped in what felt like an iron embrace, you opened your mouth but you still couldn’t make any noise come out. Some hunch or instinct, or maybe just pure chance, must’ve been what made Mark’s head turn your way out of nowhere.

He was staring for a while with an expression that told you he wasn’t quite sure what he was looking at. His eyes must’ve finally adjusted to the darkness of the hallway, because he suddenly got up, making the cat on his lap scuttle away offended.

“Dude, what are you doing?”

The entire building let out a groan, and whatever dim lights were there all blinked out simultaneously, plunging you into complete darkness. Johnny held on for a few more seconds before finally letting go. You ran down the steps without looking back.

Mark called your name, his voice alarmed, “is everything alright?”

Your throat was still squeezed shut, as you walked into something and stumbled in the dark until you felt your way to the couch your sister was on. Your hands found her sleeping from, and you shook her awake.

“Get up, we’re leaving,” finally finding your voice, you spoke sternly. She was still in a daze and clearly confused.

“Wha- what? What?”

“We’re leaving. I’m gonna call us a ride, I just need you to be awake with me,” you stammered. Your sister sat upright, most likely still processing.

Mark’s voice spoke up. “It’s pitch black outside, the roads around here aren’t lit very well. Did something happen? Are you okay?”

You couldn’t put it into words. The familiar dread that built up in your gut.

At this point, you just wanted to go home and shut yourself in again.

You ignored Mark, and ruffled through your bag for your phone. You went through every corner of it four times, your heart sinking deeper with each try. “My phone is gone. Where’s my phone?”

Without waiting for a reply, you tossed your bag aside and felt around for your sister’s this time. Also gone.

“Wait, mine’s not there either? That’s weird…” Your sister went through hers again for good measure, her voice thick with sleep. “Do you think we left them in the car?”

“No, I always have mine on me.” Something suddenly occurred to you. “I was awake the whole time, wasn’t I?”

You felt your sister shrug next to you. Hesitantly, Mark answered instead, saying “I don’t know, you both kinda drifted off at some point.”

“And you? You were awake?” You pushed.

“I was, yeah. I went to check on my Vespa for a second.” You couldn’t quite grasp what it was, but something was off about Mark’s voice.

Paranoia now had you firmly in its grip. You decided it was best to watch your words until you could see again. But you couldn’t stop a wave of helplessness from washing over you, making your limbs go cold.

“Could we borrow your phone, maybe?” You asked Mark. One final attempt.

“Oh, man, I sent it for repairs this weekend,” Mark said, apologetic. Why did his voice sound like that?

“Let’s go.” Resolute, you grabbed your sister’s arm and attempted to head towards the exit.

“Just give me a minute!” She said, releasing her hand from yours. “You go on and get the car started, okay?”

You hesitated, before making up your mind and following the only source of light, out into the storm.

The rain immediately battered down on you, and if you thought it was cold in the lobby then this was absolutely freezing. You could only barely make out the silhouettes of the parked cars.

If you just turned on the headlights all the way, the two of you could probably drive through the dark. And if you kept moving, the rain wouldn’t bother you. You had the keys ready in your hands, and you were grateful that at least they were still in your sister’s bag. Maybe you really did forget your phones in the car, after all.

But something was squirming in your gut, making your stomach do desperate flips as you jumped into the driver’s seat, slamming the door behind you.

You slid the key in the ignition and turned. Nothing. Not even the sound of the engine trying to start. The sounds of the howling wind and heavy rain carried on.

Reaching for the glove compartment, your hands found the flashlight, and a weak beam of light pierced its way through the darkness. You stepped out of the car, wrapping your other arm around yourself to stop from shaking. When the hood of your car was open and you shined the light at its interior, you doubted your eyes.

The battery was gone.

You were just silent. Your own worse fears coming into realization right before your eyes. After what felt like a second and an eternity of staring down at the empty spot in the hood, you felt a light touch on your arm when your sister joined you by your side. She looked exhausted, her breathing heavy. Calling over the storm, she said, “should we ask them if they can do something about this?”

Your head snapped to her in bewilderment. Could you be wrong? You doubted yourself for a second, but then got a grip back. There was no other explanation. You were stuck here, and it was too late to speak up. The words collided into themselves and were left mangled somewhere in your throat. But you had to say something, anything.

“Listen,” you started, and she looked at you attentively, concern clouding her face, “I think—”

“Is something wrong?” A voice spoke up from behind you. Jaehyun. Again.

“We were just talking about you!” Your sister chimed. “Take a look at this. Think someone stole it?”

You were dumbfounded as he leaned in between the two of you to take a closer look at the car’s contents.

“Mmm,” he didn’t look very surprised. He turned to your sister and said “we can give you a ride tomorrow morning. You might need to get it towed.”

“Okay... I can barely hear you. Let’s go inside?” She turned to you. Your face must’ve looked terrible because she did a slight double take and put her hand on your shoulder. “Come on.”

Shining the flashlight ahead, the three of you walked back to the rest stop.

When you were back inside, Mark was gone.

* * * *

At least an hour must’ve went by until Johnny was back. He didn’t acknowledge anyone as he came in, just silently sauntering past the lobby. He was completely soaked again from head to toe. Drops of dark water trailed behind him as he made his way back to their room.

You resolved that you would find a way to take your sister and leave any way you could. Maybe you would find a way to take their car. They were only human, they had to sleep sometime.

For now, Jaehyun was still in the lobby with the both of you.

“You don’t think he took our car battery and our phones, do you?” She was talking about Mark. Your sister was sitting next to Jaehyun and mostly addressed him, since she hadn’t gotten a word out of you after you failed to leave. Having Jaehyun hovering around took away any of your will to speak up.

“He didn’t seem like the type…” She trailed off, still thinking about Mark.

The night felt longer, probably because of the changing seasons, but it might as well still have been midnight. You lost track of how much time was going by and doubted yourself when you remembered that this has all been just one long day. The power was still out. You had the flashlight off to conserve its battery.

Down the hall, you heard the room open, and after a minute you felt the cushions next to you gently sink with a familiar weight.

“I found some candles and lit them in our room,” Johnny’s voice spoke up. You could only see his outline and features like a hazy dream. You avoided looking at his face. You were too tired.

There was a soft, dancing reddish light coming from their room now. Gently, Johnny spoke again. “It’s too dark out here, isn’t it? Let’s go inside.”

Your sister shifted, and you noticed for the first time how close she had been sitting to Jaehyun. Were they holding hands? You didn’t know if your mind was playing tricks on you. She got up before your eyes could decide what they were looking at.

“I need to wash up,” she said, sounding just as tired as you felt. Getting up, you followed her to their room. You couldn’t care less if you looked completely unhinged, sitting on the floor right in front of the bathroom door after she closed it.

“You two are so close,” Johnny spoke though the dark, face hidden in the shadows cast by the candle light. You still refused to look up at him, but you could hear the tone of amity. The candles on the night stand behind him exaggerated the size of his shadow and made it dance over you.

“You look tired,” his voice was gentle, surreal, “get some rest.”

You hugged your knees closer to your chest, fighting to keep your eyes open. The sound of the water running in the bathroom was steady. Your eyes kept rolling back into your head, and you kept dragging them back into focus…

But they were so unfocused…

And the steady stream of the shower ran…

And everything swayed in the candle light…

Everything swam…

and the water ran…

and ran…

You dreamed that Johnny was carrying you and wading through a crimson sea. Gently. Gently.

You were floating in crimson.

Or was he the one floating?

Daylight. Your body woke up with a jolt, eyes snapping open. The first thing that screamed out at you was how incredibly sore your body was. It must’ve been from all the tension that you had built up. You were curled up on your side, holding your own body close.

Small mountains of white sheets were piled up around you, and strips of sunlight draped over the bed and made their way to your skin. It was so silent; last night’s storm almost felt like a distant dream.

Moving excruciatingly slow, you lifted your head and looked around. Your heart hammering in your chest when you saw that Johnny was sleeping over in the other bed, his large frame rising and falling slowly with each breath.

The bathroom door was open, and you could see from here that it was empty, too. It was only the two of you in this room.

Logically, you knew that there was still a possibility that Jaehyun and your sister chose to sleep on the couches outside. But there was a pit in your stomach that crippled you. It made it hard to move. Hard to think.

As quietly as you had it in you to move, you left the bed. The cold floor against your feet made you notice for the first time that you were barefoot. Good. With quiet footsteps, you made your way to the bathroom to double-check. The floor was wet under your feet, like someone had walked in from the lobby straight to the bathroom not that long ago.

But just like you suspected, it was empty. The curtains drawn shut over the bathtub caught your eyes, but one look at the material told you that it would be too noisy to try and move it right now. It was too quiet for anyone to be sleeping there, anyway.

You turned back towards the bedroom door, taking glances behind you to make sure Johnny was still asleep. You didn’t take your eyes off of him as your hand gripped the doorknob and turned it. It opened without resistance, and you peeked outside at the lobby past the staircase. Empty.

Trying to slow your breaths and breathe more quietly only proved to make things worse for you. It was as though you were running out of air. Before you could give your brain more time to panic, despite your overwhelming instinct to just run out and start calling for your sister, you walked back towards Johnny, who looked so peaceful in his sleep that your own panicked state was almost laughable.

At this point, you must’ve gone out of your mind, because suddenly you found yourself fighting the urge to laugh. You were hysterical. You had to stop and put your hands over your face, as your body shook with silent laughter, but tears started to stream down your face.

Thoughts of your sister were racing through your mind. Maybe she really was cuddling up to Jaehyun last night. Maybe they went somewhere together. Maybe she thought she’d be back before you woke up.

But you knew deep down that she wouldn’t leave you behind. You were so convinced of that, that any what ifs you tried to feed to your worry, to keep it from consuming you, just felt forced.

You knew she wouldn’t leave you because she knew how fragile you were after what happened last year. You were so fragile, you saw everything through the lens of a horror movie. With your own little cast of strangers.

Something caught the light just outside of your line of vision, halting your chaotic train of thought. Your hands wiped away any tears that lingered on your eyelashes so you could see more clearly. There, carelessly tossed away on the nightstand by his bed, a set of keys were reflecting the sunlight. Among them was a car key.

Well, if you really were crazy, then you might as well see where it led you.

The closer you came to Johnny, the harder it was to breathe. Until you couldn’t bear to do anything but hold your breath. Finally, when the keys were within your reach, your hand closed around them. There was only the slightest sound of scraping against the wood of the nightstand.

With no time for you to worry about the sound the keys had just produced, Johnny’s hand shot up and grabbed your wrist. But it didn’t stop. His grip got tighter and tighter until the ends of his fingers yellowed, and your hand shook and dropped the keys with a clatter. Even so, he didn’t release his grip.

“Where were you gonna go?” He spoke slowly.

“It depends—where’s my sister?” You shot back, voice shaking.

He laughed quietly. He had a gentle laugh. Finally letting go of your wrist, his hand instead brushed through his hair. “I told her you might get worried. You must’ve gotten a scare… Sorry about that.”

You turned to him with an inquisitive look, hanging onto his words. He looked sleepy and relaxed, his hair tousled. Not like someone who almost broke your wrist less than a minute ago.

“Jaehyun told me about all our phones going missing, and your car battery. That Mark might’ve made away with them or something. He and your sister went to pick up a new one.” He explained. And as you listened, your heart sank.

“Okay. Please take me to her, then.”

“You know, I think they wouldn’t have minded some time alone, too,” he chuckled, “but sure, if you’re so worried. I’ll take you.”

Passing through the lobby, you noticed the old lady was back at the front desk. Were you brave enough to finally say something? Everything in your body screamed at you not to, straining your muscles into place.

Your heartbeat quickened, and you used any strength you had left and turned to approach her. Before you could go on, you felt Johnny’s hand hold onto your upper arm and pull you closer, wrapping you into a hug by his side.

“Let’s not waste any time,” he whispered, and held on as he led you all the way out of the rest stop. He only let go of you when you were in the shadow cast by his giant car.

The day you stopped for the car picnic, you had parked farther away on the left side of it, but as you approached the other side of his car this time, you saw what had been obscured by the SUV. A turquoise Vespa came into view.

Mark’s.

Seeing it sent goosebumps down your back and up your neck, but you dragged yourself away. You couldn’t afford to comment on it right now, not to Johnny. You would talk to your sister when you saw her…

A sting creeping into your eyes warned you of incoming tears, but you blinked them away rapidly, not ready to face a possible reality. When you saw your sister, you would tell her everything you had on your mind and you wouldn’t care who might be listening in.

Johnny was making his way to the driver’s side when you spoke up abruptly, before you could help yourself. “One more thing?”

“What is it?”

“I just want to get something from the car. My sister’s car.”

“Go ahead,” he leaned an arm over the car roof as he waited for you.

In the trunk, a few thermos flasks were stacked neatly to the side, with small labels taped to them, reading “12” and “24” and “48.” Your sister had always been meticulous when it came to packing. This would be all you had of her with your right now. You found the one labeled with the number twelve, and hugged it close to your chest. Twelve would do.

For now, you walked with your own two feet right to what felt like your doom, and hoisted yourself up into his car. A second after you got in, all the locks snapped shut.

* * * * *

He drove with the two of you in silence for a while, his eyes focused on the road, one hand on the steering wheel. You were getting farther and farther away from the rest stop, in a stranger’s car, your sister nowhere in sight.

Reality finally crashed into your chest like an icy wave. The tears you were holding back fell down your cheeks, making your chest heave in small, irregular breaths.

Incoherent thoughts raced through your head, and you started hyperventilating, your seemingly never-ending tears threatening to choke you.

“Hey, hey,” Johnny reached his other hand out, the one that wasn’t on the steering wheel, and brushed his long fingers against your face, lulling you, “deep breaths. In… out… that’s right. Just like that. In… out…”

Your rattled breathing slowed, your mind halted.

He didn’t turn your way once, his cold stare on the road, face expressionless. But his voice was gentle. Effortlessly soothing. If you looked hard enough at his face, maybe you could find something you wanted to find. Maybe it wasn’t cold. Maybe he was just tired.

“What are you so afraid of? You’re safe. Everything’s going to be okay.”

He sounded so reassuring that for a long moment you doubted that anything out of the ordinary had happened today. Maybe you were just imagining everything. Maybe your isolation had finally gotten to you.

You were glad someone kind like Johnny was here to look after you.

Taking his outstretched hand into your own, you nestled your face into his palm and closed your eyes.

“Good girl,” he said.

That was the last thing he said for a while.

Hours must have passed by the time you realized you had fallen asleep out of exhaustion. Orange hues now stretched across the sky in broad strokes, clouds almost dissipated. Next to you, Johnny was still silently driving, soaked in the orange light. Everything was so saturated, it looked like a painting.

“How did Jaehyun leave without his car?” You asked, your voice coming out small.

“This is my car,” Johnny said. “But we came with two. I told you, we work together.”

“Oh.” Somehow, the more time you spent with them, the more you didn’t have it in you to know more about them. Ask about their life or what they did for a living.

“You know, I had this car modified. It’s sound proof. And bullet proof, even.”

“Hm.”

The silence was strangely comfortable now. You closed your eyes and leaned your head back on the headrest.

“You cold?” He asked.

“No.” You said, your hands unconsciously pulling in his jacket tighter around your frame. “I never thanked you for giving me your jacket… Here. I want you to have this,” you handed him the warm thermos. The last thing you had of your sister’s.

Somehow, you felt like everything would be okay. Just like he said it would be. He gave a grateful smile and took slow mouthfuls from the flask, as you watched the sun outline him through his window.

The trees that were scattered more sparsely before now gathered into denser bunches the farther along the road he drove. Before you knew it, you were driving into the middle of a forest thick with pine trees. The car rocked left and right underneath you as the ground grew wilder. At some point, all directions started looking identical.

Eventually, the car slowed into a stop and he cut the engine. You were surrounded by nothing but trees, in what seemed like the middle of nowhere. “Get out,” Johnny said, not looking your way.

The silent bubble you were in was broken by a rush of cold wind when he opened his own door, stepping out. Following him out into the forest, the smell of pine twined with the cold air seeped into your lungs. The silence was only broken by the sound of Johnny’s and your shoes against the vegetation.

Your body felt so heavy with sleep, it only exaggerated your dream-like state of mind. The orange light of the sunset warmed you to your core. You were the calmest you’ve been in a very long time, as you followed him deeper and deeper into the forest.

“Where are we?” Your own voice sounded jarring against the silence.

“Jaehyun likes it here. It’s quiet, and there are no eyes around. I’m just making a guess that they made a stop here.”

The trees parted and the sea revealed itself for the first time. It had been years since you were this close to it, and the air coming through over the water felt nice on your face.

Johnny had stopped walking ahead of you, and you were now the one in the lead. You stopped as soon as you got to the edge of the water, staring down at the crimson ripples.

There was a trail in the sand that looked awfully a lot like something heavy had been dragged away, back towards the thick of the trees.

“Why are we here, Johnny?”

Johnny’s arms reached around from behind you, slowly, wrapping you into a snake-like embrace, his broad hands curling around your frame. His movement was tentative, like he was giving you a chance to pull away.

It was quiet for a while before either of you said anything.

“Back when we were playing that game,” he repeated, before stopping to recollect his thoughts, and starting again, “look, I know I haven’t known you for long. But this whole time, I was watching you, you know.”

“It’s just… Something about you seems off,” he continued, “You’re scared of everything. And there’s the way you walk all folded into yourself… I wasn’t sure at first. I thought maybe you were just having a bad day. Then I thought maybe that guy Mark was bothering you or something. Until you flinched at me like I was gonna hurt you.”

For the first time, nerves were evident in his voice, “like… I don’t know, like that’s something you’re used to. Like you’re in trouble… Or you’re trying to hide from it.” He paused to take a shaky breath, his words dripping with uncertainty, his voice odd. Just like Mark’s had been.

“You seemed like you’ve been trying to say something these past couple of days. No one is around here right now, you can talk to me. Whatever is going on with you, I think I can help.”

You kept your eyes ahead of you, watching the sea. There was nothing you could say or do now. You understood now that last year’s events had their claws on you too deep to shake off. You were a haunted house.

Like how he had been holding you back at the corridor, his embrace lingered. But this time, he let it linger indefinitely. It was comfortable.

You don’t know how long the two of you just stood there in silence. Over time, his grip loosened just a little but kept hold. Then it loosened more, until it completely slipped away from you. There was a loud thud behind you when he hit the ground, but you didn’t turn around. Caught on watching the crimson ripples for a moment longer.

You still had twelve hours.

That would be enough.

When you finally turned around to face his slumped body, your eyes didn’t go up to scan the forest. Instead, you trained all of your focus on Johnny, because you knew everything counted on these next coming moments. Because you couldn’t let things end like they did last time.

Getting down on your knees, you pushed his heavy body until he was flat on his back. Then you put your hands around his neck and squeezed.

You knew how hard you needed to do it to cut off someone’s air supply. How long you needed to keep it cut off until it was too late. So you knew your limits perfectly well, and how to do it just enough to be convincing. Just enough not to really hurt him.

And when your hands finally withdrew from his neck, you stayed perfectly frozen in place, not moving a muscle or making a sound until you could make sure that he was drawing the shallowest of breaths again.

Finally, your hands roamed his pockets until you found his car key. Your grip wrapped around it tightly.

A rustle and the crunching of leaves told you that your spectator had finally come out of hiding. The crunching stopped as your sister walked onto the sand of the small beach. She was scanning your face carefully. In her hand, a long metallic baseball bat.

“I almost thought you wouldn’t be able to do it.” She said, proud.

“You told me I would develop a taste for it sooner or later.”

“And I guess I was right, huh,” she teased, nothing different from the usual way she spoke. She didn’t let go of the baseball bat as she raced towards you and drew you into a big hug. “I’m so proud of you. I can’t believe it’s finally happening! We’ll be so good together!”

Your body tensed up, and she withdrew to look at your face. “Something wrong?”

“No! No. I’m just… tired.” You pulled her back into the hug, spinning your bodies ever so subtly. Shifting her view away from Johnny.

“You’re acting weird. Are you mad at me?” She said.

“Why would I be mad at you?”

“You could barely stand looking at me after last time.”

You mustered up everything in you to stop your voice from wavering. “Because it was my first time ever seeing anything like that. There was… so much blood. There was so much blood on you, I would see it again in my mind every time I looked at you.”

She drew away from you again to give you an understanding look, before saying “Well, now you can do things your own way. No blood. Right?”

“Right.”

“We’re in this together, right?” She beamed at you. You nodded in a silent reply.

“You’re avoiding my eyes again,” her face dropped into a cold stare almost instantly.

“I’m not… I told you, I’m just tired. I wanna go home.”

“I know I promised we wouldn’t do anything this time… But you know I can’t keep doing this alone. It just doesn’t feel the same. We’ve always done everything else together, and I wanted you to finally accept this side of me.

"You accept it now, don’t you? You just did it, too. You just killed someone! We’re the same now,” her eyes were shining as she kept filling the silence. “How did it feel?”

“It felt… It- it felt,” you stuttered, “I was the most scared I’ve ever been in my life. I want to go home now. Please?” You felt the urge to throw up, which you held down by swallowing your bitter saliva repeatedly.

Thoughts of Jaehyun and Mark weighed heavy on your mind, and thoughts of what she would do if she noticed Johnny’s shallow breaths made your body start shaking out of your control.

“Wow, you’re really taking this hard. Shhh,” she held you to her side, supporting you back into the woods, “it’s okay. It’s okay…”

“Is Jaehyun here? Is he somewhere in this forest?”

“He is.” Her reply was curt.

“And Mark?”

“Poor baby…” she cooed like she was talking about a wounded puppy, “he followed me right out into the storm. So eager to help. After I was done with him, he had to spend the night out in the rain. I had to lay his body in the bathtub the morning after, early enough while you were all sleeping.”

“Oh.” Bathtub… Bathtub…

You left her with him. Why did you leave?

“Anyway, we’ll need to actually go get a battery now. I don’t think the one I took out is usable anymore.”

“Hm.”

“Which car do you wanna take back? I got Jaehyun’s keys. It’s a pretty nice car. He had good taste in music, too.”

Had… You were the one who agreed to stay at the rest stop.

And it cost two people their lives. 

Your step faltered. “Johnny’s.”

She side-eyed you, “you’re talkative. Okay then, lead the way.”

It felt as though your blood had entirely escaped your body by the time you were back by the car. The keys were clutched so tightly in your hand that you wouldn’t have been surprised if they drew blood. You doubted that you would’ve felt it right now.

“Can I drive?” You asked.

“Ooh. Are you sure?”

“I think so.”

She gave you a proud look once again, and she threw the baseball bat into the car before she finally got into the passenger seat. You, on the other hand, had been pretending to circle around to the driver’s side after having used the remote control key to activate the locks. Ten more seconds before deadlock would be activated.

Nine… You walked as slowly as you could, but not slow enough to draw any suspicion.

Eight… What would happen to her if you turned her in?

Seven… What would happen to Johnny if you didn’t? And every other person after?

Six… She said she wanted you two to be together. You would be. You were just as guilty.

Five… You were positive that these were the longest ten seconds of your life. Everything seemed to move in slow motion.

Four… Your eyes betrayed you as they stole a worried glance at her.

Three… She held your eyes for a moment, before you watched a slow change in her expression.

Two… Her eyes went wide, realization dawning on her face. She lunged at the door, and—

One.

You couldn’t hear her screams as she thrashed at the door handle, shouting something at you. Then, all at once, she stopped. There was a crazed expression on her face as she pulled out her baseball bat. She waved at you before pointing at it, giving you a wild smile.

Your heart sank. Your knees weakened under you and made you slump to the ground like a rag doll, using your arms to brace yourself against the soil of the forest.

It was over.

You had ruined everything.

Of course it wouldn’t have worked.

You betrayed her.

What were you thinking?

She swung the bat at the window by the passenger’s seat, and you couldn’t do anything but watch in stunned silence as she bounced right against the glass. Coming back for a more charged swing than the one before it, she bounced back as harshly as she had swung.

And then you remembered why you couldn’t hear her screams one bit from out here. Johnny had modified the car. It was soundproof. Bulletproof.

You scampered away from the car, your legs still refusing to carry you. She wasn’t giving up, baseball bat bouncing off the glass over and over again. When she finally stopped, staring into your eyes like an animal whose leg got caught in a bear trap, your heart hammered so loudly that it was all you could hear.

Please, she mouthed at you.

She was bargaining.

You weren’t sure which stage weighed heavier on you, this or the anger from earlier. She dropped the bat and splayed both of her hands against the glass.

Her eyes were so wide, so scared, that you had to fight the urge to run back to her and unlock the door. She was all you had. Your sister, your best friend. You only had each other.

But you knew that more than anything you could give her, she needed help. And you needed help. If you went on living like this for any longer, you were sure you would only lose your mind more and more. That was if you hadn’t already lost it.

You took a deep breath and looked her squarely in the eyes, then you shook your head no.

Her face broke down into a silent sob as she slapped her hands at the unmoving glass. Crying for the freedom she knew she had just lost. Grieving for it.

Then you were reminded that the stages of grief weren’t always linear. Because just as quickly, she was back to anger, and your hand went up over your mouth as you watched her bang her head against the glass.

Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang.

Maybe she was hoping you would let her out before she hurt herself too much. And then it dawned on you that this wasn’t anger. This was really just her final bargain.

You couldn’t do anything but sob quietly to yourself as you watched your sister. Before long, she grew sloppier and swayed against the glass until she finally gave out and collapsed.

Turning away, you walked back to where you had left Johnny, and followed the trail you had spotted earlier in the sand. Where it looked like someone had been dragged away.

Surely enough, Jaehyun was at the end of that trail, propped up under one of the thicker trees. His face was pale and peaceful, his back leaning against the tree as though he were sleeping. Your movements stuttered as you approached him.

Getting a grip on either side of his face, you pulled him forward. One look at the back of his head was enough to tell you that it was too late for him. You cried for the lives ruined and lost because of one reckless decision.

The more your adrenaline tapered off, the more your muscles reminded you of how sore you were, and the more the hammering of your headache increased. What now?

Call the police? None of you had your phones.

Drive back to the rest stop and do it from there? Your sister had the keys to Jaehyun’s car. The thought of unlocking the car and attempting to get the keys from her unconscious body spiked a horrible fear in you that you couldn’t possibly face right now.

Getting on your knees next to Johnny, you lied down on the sand and watched him as he slept.

You wondered if his neck would bruise, and whether he would be as sore as you were when he woke up.

You wondered how many hours were left until the sedative from the flask weakened in his system.

You wondered what he would do when he finally woke up.

You wondered about what kind of person he was, and whether he would still help you after he found out how much trouble you were really in.

When you noticed the first signs of his understanding, you were nothing short of terrified. The past year felt incredibly lonely. But the thought of someone finding out about the burden you carried was frightening.

You had never taken a life, but you were there when your sister did—and you were too damaged to say anything about it. All you had in you to do was shut yourself away from the world and live the life of someone who had died a year ago.

And as you wondered many things, your eyelids grew heavy. From here, it almost looked like Johnny was floating on the surface of the crimson sea. So you watched him and watched him until you couldn’t anymore.

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