#not being able to do the thing because I'm tired!

[thesevenwondersofawitch]

This this this

I grew up homeschooled in a family where my parents basically had us fend for ourselves, while also discouraging us from doing any sort of activity or maintain friendships, so the vast majority of my life was spent feeling cut off and inadequate compared to my peers

Shockingly, I ended up having severe depression, (as did my siblings) and developed extremely unhealthy coping mechanisms and habits as a young teenager, as well as other mental issues.

When I finally was able to start the process of getting help(which truly didn't start until the last few years, despite me being in therapy a decade) and started to do things outside of my usual habits, such as going to school and also getting a job(despite my parents trying to discourage me on my bad days), I was now an adult and felt like there was so much I missed out on, especially when looking at my friends experiences at the same ages.

It's so easy to dwell on those thoughts and revert back to old habits, and even harder to try and work through them(like pushing myself to get out of bed, or go to a function with friends). So many people I know who don't have depression just assume it's a little bit of laziness and sadness, and act like everything would be fixed if I just listened only to happy music and refused antidepressants because my generation is 'overmedicated'. And while we definitely are over medicated, without those medicines, so many people (myself included) wouldn't be here.

While my depression is better, and thankfully I've been pretty good with catching up on lost time academic wise, I still struggle with depression and the fallout from everything that has contributed to it. I hang out with friends but almost always end up feeling drained or depressed afterwards, even though I'm around people I care about and like, and I know they feel the same, there is always that voice in my head that one day they're going to change their minds and realize I'm not worth it or that maybe they don't actually like me.

Depression takes a huge toll on my body, I am always tired and overwhelmed, and when I am around friends and peers I feel like I'm an imposter just hoping no one catches on and questions the fact I try to mimic others behavior in hopes I blend in better (even if it's something I know to do, I suddenly feel awkward and panicked and act like I've never dealt with it before, thus watching others and trying to copy movements/actions, even if it's something I'm very knowledgeable about/good at)

I am drained because I feel I have to put on a front that everything is fine, and I feel bubbly and happy all the time, because otherwise people think I'm ungrateful/slighting them, or there out of pity(my sister is someone who thinks all of those reasons unless I'm all happy on the outside). Even though so many times, I was looking forward to doing something or spending time with someone, but for no reason I can think of, I get struck by depression when the time comes, but I still want to take part, because I worry I'll regret missing out, so I go and spend the time trying to act how people want me to, which is exhausting.

It's taken years to get used to these bad days, and I am working to let myself have a breather or just listening to what my body needs when it happens, (I've been better lately and I'm proud of that, but I still struggle occasionally). It's taken years to learn to stop comparing my life with what my younger cousin or old friend is doing/has done by my age, (or if they've done even more), slightly less to learn to ignore the timeframe society(and family) deems is 'normal', and since then, my quality of life has been better.

All this to say, depression has ruled my life and I deal with that everyday, and it is hard to ignore the sadness I feel for my young self and all she never got to do. But, I made it to 23 (something my 13yr old self never thought would happen), and even tho I didn't get to experience things on what is considered a 'normal' timeline for people my age, I have a whole lifetime of experiences to look forward to, and while my depression may be a part of those, it won't be for all of them.

You know what people don’t talk about often enough? Playing catch up in life after spending your teens or early 20s suicidally depressed. There’s so many more layers than just being able to say “I don’t want to die anymore.”

The difficulty in academia or a career after spending years thinking you wouldn’t be alive long enough for any of it to matter.

The exhaustion that comes from self awareness and self soothing, with the constant voice in your head saying “don’t go backwards.”

How lonely it is to watch the people your age starting families when you’re just barely learning what stable relationships are, and the sudden societal pressure of being “up against a clock” for these kinds of things.

The judgement from others if you change your image or interests this late in the game just because you finally figured out who you really are under the demons.

Be kind to those who are developing and blooming after years of not planning on being here long. We are living a life we absolutely didn’t think we’d have, and it’s hard enough without society reminding us there’s expectations of our age.

We didn’t get to be young; we were too busy fighting battles few know.

-

[dreamerimpossible]

Tokyo Revengers Jealousy Scale

Warnings: A little toxic

Mikey 7/10

Totally petty, he'll get upset if you pay attention to someone else and depending on the timeline he'll act differently depending on the potential threat. But in all of them he's partially jealous, he could be a lot more, but he's always very busy with his own business; so, for that reason he doesn't give many jealous scenes.

Kazutora 10/10

He's not even funny. He's usually always on the defensive, so you can see bad intentions everywhere. So, it'll be hard to deal with his jealousy and accusations that you'll leave him. It can get tiring, but he makes up for it by being charming for most of the relationship. So, he's not that bad.

Baji 4/10

He'll only get jealous if he witnesses an interaction that clearly has ulterior motives. Only in that scenario will you be able to see him being insecure and jealous. But it's the only time, because he has a lot of trust in the people he chose to be with, so he doesn't distrust them often. Pretty calm, in general.

Sanzu 6/10

Too mindful of his own business. He consciously chooses to trust you, so if you don't give him reasons, he'll give you some freedom. But he's very cunning, and always on the lookout for the slightest stimulus, so if he sees something strange, his toxic side will come out. And that won't be nice at all. Not for you or the other person.

Izana 10/10

If he chose you, it means that you are totally valuable in his eyes. He will realize that others will see the same thing he saw, so he expects you to be with him at all times to avoid getting too controlling (although he gets that way anyway). He'll only put up with it if you're close with Kakucho, but up to a certain limit.

Ran Haitani 2/10

He's very observant, he'll quickly know if he needs to feel threatened. So if he sees that you're crazy about him, he won't be worried and he won't feel jealous at all. In fact, it can be annoying to a certain extent, as nothing seems to make him feel jealous. If I'm honest, you're probably the jealous one in the relationship and not him.

Rindou Haitani 4/10

He might only feel a little jealous of your interactions with his brother. With the rest, no, he just can't feel threatened by them, as he considers himself better. Also, he's very sincere, he doesn't waste time with scenes, if you spend a lot of time with someone, he'll ask you directly and expect total sincerity. If you reassure him, everything will be fine.

Kisaki 7/10

He's jealous, but he doesn't waste time confronting you. He sees someone strange in your life, gets rid of them, and is smart enough to evade your questions. He's silent and unfazed, so you'll never know that he's actually jealous. It's a bit annoying too, as he will always hide his feelings and you'll never know that he goes crazy when he sees you with someone else.

Hanma 4/10

He feels too good about himself. Plus, you'll always be by his side, as he always has something fun to do with his time. He'll always keep you entertained and in love with him with his crazy antics. So, he himself will realize that you have no time or energy for someone else. Both win.

[artist-issues]

I'm tired of being disappointed. By far the best part of the movie was the what-could-have-been in the soundtrack. Mufasa had seeds of being good but it suffered from a lack of focus and terrible visual language, so it was ultimately unsatisfying. 

I think it's actually worse when you can see the threads and interesting seeds of a good story just wasted and abandoned under a pile of Bad Storytelling. 

Lack of Focus:

The movie was trying to say something about Bravery, and Bloodlines, and Vengeance, and Going Against the Status Quo, and Self-Reflection, and Loyalty, and Family, and Relying on One Another Instead of Just Yourself, and Belief in Yourself, and even Vague Spirituality, all at once. So it wound up giving the movie-equivalent of two or three disjointed sentences about each topic, and never actually made a clear point about any of them. 

For example, Mufasa is afraid of water. Rafiki says that this is because Mufasa is afraid of his own reflection, even though the audience would have been assuming that it was because Mufasa almost drowned as a cub. Then in the climax, Mufasa and Kiros are battling underwater and Mufasa remembers his foster-mother telling him to close his eyes and use his other senses to hunt. So he does, and he realizes I guess through the currents, that a big rock is falling toward them, and pushes Kiros into it.

What does that tell us? That Mufasa was taught to hunt like a lioness, so he can use those skills when he needs to. Which he's already been doing with no hesitation for the whole movie. Just because he's in water during the final battle, doesn't mean that's a satisfying conclusion to what they were doing with water, as a symbol for his character.

IF Mufasa had been embarrassed about his lioness-observational-skills, thinking it made him less of a lion, or weird, and therefore rarely used those skills because he was always trying to be more like Taka or the other males—conserving energy, not being mindful of what's around him—THEN finally embraced his weird skills at the end, while in water fighting—that would be something thematic. 

You would be able to say, "he's learned not to be afraid of where his skill-set is, as a leader, ergo: he's learned 'not to be afraid of his reflection/the water.'"

But that's not what happened. Because they didn't devote time to developing what, exactly, Mufasa is afraid of seeing in himself, or WHY he's afraid. Because everything he does succeeds. He wins his first race, wins his first fight, wins the favor of his adoptive father, survives diving into water even though he's afraid of it, wins at saving sarabi and then wins her affections even when he's actively trying not to—there's no reason for him to be trying not to. Not any that tie back into "Mufasa is afraid of himself." There's no reason ever shown for this weird halfhearted insecurity he sometimes has, and has to overcome.

So then it's not compelling. And that sort of thing is sprinkled all over the movie.

They keep mentioning "Milele," which means "forever" in Swahili, but that whole concept is alternately described as a "dream," or "a place you feel inside of you," but basically it's also a physical location that becomes the Pridelands. And nobody ever clarifies what exactly Milele is. It's treated like a fantasy concept or a spiritual vision or a physical utopia whenever the film needs it to be those things. But if it's never clearly defined, it's not compelling, which sucks when Milele is what the characters are "searching for." Another example of starting a concept and then never following it through to a satisfying conclusion.

They have seeds of Mufasa being the only lion to ask for help and be willing to cooperate with other animals besides lions—but they are few and far-between. He doesn't ask Rafiki for help; Rafiki sort of convinces him not to eat him. And asking animals for help like he does with the elephants or the Pridelands animals isn't unique to him; the first to do it is Sarabi, who willingly accepts and relies on Zazu despite others' scorn—and MUFASA is one of the ones who is scornful, initially! So they plant seeds for the big climax where he's the only voice that can unite animals across species by the climax, but they're don't water or tend to or help those seeds to grow. So the climax feels a little out of nowhere and less compelling.

If they had just focused on one of these things, it would've been tighter and more emotionally impactful.

Except NO, it wouldn't have been. Because you will have a hard time connecting, emotionally, to photorealistic-CGI lions even if the story's focus was tight.

Bad Animation and Filming

Lions in real life move with too much weightiness and heavy-animal-breathing for you to commit to that weight 100% of the time AND have good character acting. You can only really commit wholeheartedly to one or the other.

So you can tell in this movie the eyes are bigger and more expressive than in the first CGI Lion King. But that doesn't save it. It doesn't cut it. 

When Taka is giving Sarabi his last longing look, he just looks like a vaguely displeased large animal. There's no human heartbreak in his expression. 

When Mufasa is singing a fast line about not knowing how to respond to Sarabi, he should be swinging his head back and forth, like he's looking around for something in desperation—because that's what the song sounds like—and his walking, if he's walking, should be fast. A cross between running from something and searching for something. Because that's what's happening in the emotion of the song.

But lions don't move that fast, because they're heavy. And when they're looking around for something, they do it with their noses and long head-turns in sweeping motions. No fast eyes-darting-around. Certainly no human conflict of desire in their faces. So photorealistic Mufasa can't do any of those things. Which sucks, because the actions of the characters and the action in the scene should match the emotions they're feeling, and the emotion the audience is supposed to be feeling. But it can't, so everything is flat and boring. 

And even if you could connect to photorealistically emotional lions—you might, we connect with our pets emotionally all the time—you wouldn't get the chance because the film avoids their faces every time something emotionally interesting is happening. 

For example: my favorite part of the song "I Always Wanted a Brother" is when the beat appears to hard-drive, and it feels like a "stop everything" moment, to match Taka's outrage that someone is dissing his brother. And he goes, "what did you say 'bout my brother? That's not a stray, that's my brother! You stay away from my brother 'cuz I say so."

That whole moment, I'm envisioning Taka getting all up in another animal's face, maybe taking a swipe at it, throwing his little weight around and puffing his chest, fearsome-face. The song FEELS like that's what's happening; like he's going on and on,  exploding with insistence and protectiveness.

Something similar to the "stop everything-angry" vibe of this:

But in the movie, is it a close-up shot of Taka invading another animal's space? Does the camera follow him from behind in a slow zoom, and then when he says, "what did you say bout my brother?" He spins and looks directly into the camera (in the direction of the animal he's talking to) and the camera stops while Taka charges closer? Do we get to see his angry face at all?

No.

The camera does this stupid boring thing where we, the audience, are in the branches of a tree (where the animal Taka is addressing is safely out of reach) and it pans slowly along, unfocused, like we're casually passing this interaction by. Taka's face is far away on the distant ground and you can't really see it's expression, his body language isn't doing anything interesting (he's just standing there for the whole part of the song) and at one point because of the panning, the tree the camera is in has a branch that actually hides Taka completely from view during the song.

We don't even get to see the animal he's talking to react. All we see is the back of its head.

They do this over and over in the movie. When Rafiki is finally running to meet his long lost brother, we get the back of his body, one quick snapshot of the underside of his face, and then it's flyover drone-style shots. When Sarabi and Mufasa decide to love each other, it's a close-up on the backs of their chins; no eyes, no mouths, no head-body-language. When Sarabi and Mufasa are singing a very back-and-forth interactive duet to one another, the camera is, again, far-off and distant for most of the song, rotating slowly around a landscape that they're lion-lumbering through. Boring. Distant. Wasteful.

Sometimes the movie tries to match the emotional pace in the way it's shot. When Kiros is readying a killing blow and Taka has moments to decide if he's going to save his brother, that scene cuts well between the raised paw and Taka and Mufasa's faces—for example. But those are the most basic ways to shoot those scenes, and scenes like them are few and far-between.

What it needed was one overarching idea to connect the character threads, and give them time to unspool. And then it really, desperately needed to be animated traditionally so that the lions could emote like humans.

So! I'll probably be writing a series of posts exploring what could've been to correct the fumble. Because I did enjoy the concepts in Mufasa.

[anbaisai]

Finally had time to sit down and write, but honestly there’s not much to be said other than thank you to everyone who wrote a message on my tree! I really enjoyed reading every single message and screenshotting to save them into a folder for when I need a lil boost ww (including one from Mr. Viper himself above that got a laugh out of me, thanks Jamil really appreciate you thinking I’m cool)

Some sappiness under the cut:

I never expected to receive this much support for my silly yume/oc ship content when I began posting, and I really don’t have the words to express how grateful I am. I’ve met many wonderful people through this fandom, and also just had lots of fun in general making art. I mean it when I say I genuinely never had this much motivation and inspiration to create for any fandom (or original content) in the past. There was a long, long period in my life during which trying to find even a crumb of motivation to draw felt impossible. There was always some reason that I couldn’t - be it school/life being too busy, feeling too tired, having other stuff to do first, etc. I thought I’d never rediscover my love and passion for art, until I finally pushed myself to design my Yuu for real (instead of just thinking about it) and then everything just snowballed from there. (For context, I began playing TWST in 2020 and, despite being very much in love with it, only began drawing anything for it this year.)

I have such a massive list of ideas that I still want to draw (plus several asks that I want to answer that I just haven’t had the time to yet), so I’m certainly going to be kept busy for a while. After previously making every excuse possible for not drawing, I’ve learned that yeah, once you really love something you will squeeze time out for it no matter how hard things get, because it kills you not to. All those times when I wondered when I’d ever be able to draw as much as my favourite artists now feel like a distant relic of the past, and I have Twisted Wonderland (especially Jamil) and this community to thank for it. If anyone reading this is going through something similar, I promise it gets better - you will need to put in the effort to make it start, but you will get there.

There’s also my past experiences of being in fandoms that, well, did not welcome yume/self-shipping type content. If I so much as thought of creating any, the fear of being ridiculed would make me back away from the idea immediately. I’m glad to see that sentiment seems to be no longer the norm, but also the TWST fandom has been one of the most supportive of yume content I’ve ever seen. To everyone wanting to participate but has been hesitating, you absolutely should! My only regret is not starting sooner, seriously. In a sense I feel like I'm fulfilling a childhood dream of mine, and all of my past hesitation and anxiety just dissipated once... as cringe as it sounds - once love took over. So go pour your love and passion into that character you adore, they deserve it.

Anyways, wishing everyone a happy holidays and happy new year! Here’s to another year of enjoying TWST and creating for the things we love ❤

[grabowskibeepboop]

Okay, I tried reading though all of this, but it started turning into utter jibberish, now this might be because I'm tired, but I also think there are so many details in this that it's starzing to bore me, as well as words I don't know what they mean, but I do like the mentioning of leabians, so far it's only a mear mention tho

So I could not read though all this, but it did make me come up with my own idea for a show about the alliance of two different kingdoms, where the "normal" one, the one without magic, the sorta "good" one (there would be no good and bad, only weird culture and bad reputation on the magical side ig) is the one that's portrayed as strange, because they're always overly kind, naive and understanding, to the point where the folk from the other kingdom start questioning how they're even still alive, eventually making an inside joke about them being extremely lucky or smth

Now I do love a good straight but queer couple, but I also love a good fake dating/arranged marrige plot where the participants don't actually end up falling in love. Paired with me not being able to not make everything gay, I imagine the princess, who for the sake of difference is from the "good" kingdom, is more so the clear minded, cautious, rather pessimistoc than optimistic but still able to see things in a good light kind of person, the kind that would be from the "bad" kingdom, and allthough in her day and age it wouldn't be likely that she's able to put a lable on it, but she is aroace, and her closest allies, her platonic partners are all members of the royal staff (idk the medieval word for that). Now the prince of the "bad" kingdom on the other hand is more "lucky" than the "lucky people", he is sincere, kind, a great, cheerful and bright person. Multiple assasination attempts failed on him, eventually leading to the most tryhard assasin falling in love with him, allthough you would never catch him admit that. Who that assasin is, I haven't got the best idea yet, but he doesn't have either kingdom's wellness as his best interest, and it's because of him that the royal wedding always gets cancelled, not letting the soon to be queen to unite the two kingdoms, finally creating peace and making them greater than any other kingdom around. The show's finale is when this finally happens, and it's able to happen only after the prince is able to (wether knowingly or not, maybe we never actually get to find out of the assassin ever gets find out) convince the asassin to leave it be (him realizing his feelings amd that they have been the driving factor in all this, and that the marrige doesn't mean any more than an alliance to either parties)

Idk just brainstorming

As for the og post, I haven't even got to the fanart area it's so goshdarn long, it's frustrating because I want to read it all but it's also kind of boring (no offense), I can't seem to be able to gnaw through it

Daughter of fantasy villains decides to rebel against her parents by actually going through with her arranged marriage to a local golden retriever of a prince instead of running off with some local villain-to-be or conquering said golden retriever’s kingdom and ruling it solo like her parents expect her to. Plus, sue her, she’s into the clean-cut earnest look.

At the same time, local prince charming discovers that he’s actually very into the gothic fiance his parents have landed him with in order to try and establish peace with the local evil lair down the lane, he would never have guessed a spiderweb pattern could look so fetching on a ball gown…?

Meanwhile, two pairs of parents in a tizzy because they both expected their offspring to whole-heartedly reject this union and give them an excuse to conquer their goody-two-shoes/evil neighbours, they’re not supposed to actually like each other-!

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

HA I'm 100% not making this camp nanowrimo goal

[mythicalcoolkid]

You don't wish your disability was worse or more visible, you wish your disability was taken seriously. Please stop confusing the two, I guarantee you would not get the support you need JUST by being more severe or more visible. Please listen to visibly disabled people when we tell you it isn't better on our side

[deoidesign]

Wearing your boyfriend's jacket

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

me stubbornly forcing myself to drink green tea and rest from my THIRD COLD THIS MONTH

[ameiniateria]

consistently I'm a little annoyed about the rift between c!Tommy and c!Dream fans in this fandom. like I like your guy too! I think he's great! actually, I think our guys have a lot in common! I'd love to see your take on this really messy, complicated relationship!

oh wait you think c!Dream is a pure evil, completely heartless villain that exists to do nothing but torment c!Tommy, who is of course a sweet innocent uwu baby who did absolutely nothing wrong, and therefore deserves to be murdered twice, imprisoned, isolated, starved, and tortured with no control over his own autonomy (but prison was actually way better than exile, which was the worst thing that ever happened to anyone on the dsmp. obviously. because c!Tommy tried to kill himself. yeah. don't think about c!Dream walking into a wall of lava and burning himself to death multiple times because he was so incredibly desperate for human connection. that was to escape, right? c!Dream couldn't possibly feel real emotions -- that would mean he's a person that -- oh no -- deserves compassion despite the terrible things he did. oh no -- that would make him -- gasp -- a lot like c!Tommy!) and actually he deserved more than that. he was never actually punished. c!Dream always won (citation needed).

also, c!Tommy was a child. do I have to say that again. well, I will anyway. c!Tommy was a child. c!Tommy was a child. c!Tommy was a child.

great.

[la-galaxie-langblr]

Year abroad declaration of intent due in 12 days and I'm kind of freaking out about it 😭

[thefrogdalorian]

Some days being autistic feels like you're playing a video game on the hardest possible difficulty settings, with no instructions and your health down to 1%, while everyone else gets to play in easy mode with directions (so they always know what to do next) and unlimited health cheats.

Sure, being late-diagnosed means you're aware that you're playing on hard mode. Now you know you will struggle and you can give yourself grace and accommodations.

But some days it all feels so unfair...

Why do I have to constantly struggle at things that seem to come so naturally to others?

[thelivingsin]

it's normal to be disappointed when you learn that your dreams are already dead. but just like a phoenix, our death will lead us to our own rebirth; and like a supernova, some deaths are beautiful.

[pekoeboo]

man. I've been reworking a lot of content involving Act II of Home Is Where You Are and like. ugh. it'd work so freaking well in novel form but I just Do Not have the dedication or the drive to start from scratch and rewrite everything that happens.

idk how else to share the updated version of that part of the story with y'all tho, considering that Khalan's journal is insanely outdated now and isn't entirely canon anymore, so I'll probably just have to accept that I likely won't ever be able to update the story for y'all in the way I wish I could. >n<;;

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

[anastacialy]

y'know, i keep making a habit of swinging my bat at hornets nests, but i have to say i'm getting so, so tired of people complaining about shows not making perfect sense when they aren't even close to done. we're four episodes into this season of doctor who. we're four episodes into this season of bridgerton. and yet in both fandoms i keep seeing people whine that such and such didn't make sense or it wasn't explained all the way and by god you guys i think maybe explanations might come later in the season. this is something most viewers will recognize as being called a 'plot.'