#not because i’m afraid of being old but more like i’m afraid of being irrelevant

[oysters-aint-for-me]

currently stoned and wondering if i actually prefer long-distance relationships or if i just didn’t like my most recent partner enough to care that we were in one

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

My thoughts on Mai is probably so irrelevant right now but i love thinking about the wasted potential in exploring Megumi’s dynamic with the Zenin Clan because he had to have some contact with them over the course of his childhood, meaning that Mai had to interact with the kid at some point (which she did I think it’s canon) and for Mai to instantly know that Megumi is a little child genius/prodigy. Also for Mai to have a little crush on Megumi (I know most find this disgusting seeing that those two are family but I think everyone forgets that the Zenin is built on incest)

Mai putting her hopes into Megumi of him somewhat changing the Zenin when he becomes Clan Head only for those hopes to be crushed bc Megumi fucked off? I find that so depressing because she probably didn’t understand (or fully comprehend) the reasoning behind Megumi cutting off contact. I know it probably hurt her for a while because she genuinely wanted to be close to him seeing as he was the only boy (i’m assuming) that was ever truly kind to her and her sister.

I’m clinging onto that Mai tag for dear life because I’m really interested in seeing her thoughts on Megumi. Admittedly, she probably grew out of the hero worship she had for him. Maybe it was replaced with some bitterness seeing as he wouldn’t be the Clan Head now unless something happens to Gojo, so Megumi won’t be her hope in that clan. She’s stuck with Naoya who probably wants her as a wife.

NAOYA. God my thoughts on his dynamic with Megumi…it could be something so complex. Like Naoya could see Toji in the boy, who he has an obsession with but he also see Gojo, and he also see the little brat who may fear him on some level but is not afraid to stand up to him which pisses him off. He also sees his replacement, a boy who has the potential to rival Gojo, making him the potential heir. I could see him being like the only one out of the Zenin who wants that kid gone, out of sight and out of mind. Like everyone else abuses him to make him become something great. Naoya would do it to take out his anger on the kid who is everything he always wanted to be and he doesn’t even know it.

Naobito. I have no thoughts on the old drunk. I do find it interesting how Kamo said something about how Megumi is either more useful or more suitable than Naobito. I forgot the wording. I can see Naobito truly caring for Megumi though in his own fucked up way because Megumi is everything he wanted in a heir. But that care doesn’t really stop him from hurting Megumi.

Maki. Well. Best aunt/nephew duo. If the Zenin ever had a family dinner or get together, those two are definitely the ones who sits in the corner and talks shit. They definitely try and fuck shit up in the house. You would find them in the kitchen spitting in Naoya’s food. You’re gonna look me in the eyes and tell me I’m wrong? I dare you. All in all, they see a sibling in each other. Especially after losing Tsumiki/Mai. Megumi if definitely her favorite kouhai. Some may argue it’s Nobara. But listen. SEE THE VISION. Megumi has the family pass. Megumi gets Maki in a way that most don’t. But Megumi is still Yuta’s boy though. Maki sometimes fight for custody however.

Excuse my rambling guys. I was just in a silly mood thinking about Gege and his….questionable writing decisions lately.

This has been sitting half answered in my asks for like a month. If you have an ask that never got answered please know that it’s probably in my drafts haunting me.

Oh Gege’s sure. Made some decisions recently. And they’re uh. They sure are decisions. That he made. For some reason.

Maki and Megumi are the bio family dream team to me. I simply love their bond. They have identical resting bitch faces. They’re always on the same bullshit. Both are completely insane in the same way. The bio family they each always wanted but never had. Megumi is Yuuta’s Boy but that doesn’t stop Maki from making her own play for the title.

Mai’s entire thing with having a crush on Megumi becomes a little bit more comfortable if it’s framed like “he was the best option.” The Zenin do practice incest, so her entire dating pool was likely framed to her as blood family from the start. She also is the only female (other than Maki) born to that bloodline around clan leadership that we know of, so she was probably viewed as a “desirable” spouse. Marriage was probably used as a means of navigating social status, so her parents are probably planning to use her as a chip for their own political games now that their own future has sort of stagnated. After all, both their kids are sort of failures by Zenin standards, and they don’t have any other kids incoming that could do better. This is basically canon to me—they did try to make a marriage contract with Naoya, who’s very high in the clans leadership and the only other contender for clan head other than Megumi himself. She’s probably spent her entire life knowing that her parents would try for marry her off to the person in the clan with the highest status, and that’s probably been considered Naoya or one of his brothers for a long time.

There’s Naobito, the actual clan head, who appears to have had all sons. Toji appears to be Naobito’s nephew, meaning his father or mother was directly from that same line, and Megumi’s its continuation. And Naobito’s brother is Maki and Mai’s father, who produced the only girls.

The Zenin clan values power above all else, so we can assume that the line that is leading the clan tends to have a lot of cursed energy and skill. Mai and Maki didn’t get that, but they are still close tie to the line.

Mai was never supposed to be a jujutsu sorcerer. She didn’t have enough cursed energy for it. She only ended up going to the Kyoto school because Maki fucked off and the Zenin wanted to make a point. But we know how the Zenin treats women—since she didn’t have enough potential to be a sorcerer but was a member of a powerful bloodline who had cursed energy herself, she was probably viewed as a prime candidate to continue the family line, as seen with them trying to marry her off to fucking Naoya, who was a pretty high candidate for heir to the clan.

Of course, Megumi inherited the Ten Shadows. He actually did beat out Naoya for the position of heir without having put any effort or involvement into the position. He likely would have instantly shot to the top of the list for clan heir the second they knew he existed. Like, he was still installed as clan head when he actively had nothing to do with the clan. When he was a kid, and everyone was assuming they’d be able to bring him back into the clan and raise him as Zenin? It would probably be considered as close to an absolute as anything gets to them.

I could see Mai kind of romanticizing the idea of Megumi as a result, especially when she was younger Naoya was actively abusive to her and had the personality of a used gym sock dipped in shit and left on highway to rot. Megumi 1) wasn’t raised with them, so felt the least like her family 2) was actually nice to her, the one time she got to spend time with him and 3) was nice to Maki. And as bad as it was for Mai, Maki was the least accepted member of the clan at the time. She was a girl and she had little to no cursed energy. Mai canonically idolised her sister as a young girl and probably hated to see how everyone mistreated her.

Megumi intervening on her behalf when Naoya targeted her would have been monumental to her. It would have been the ultimate way of saying “everything will be okay” when she just didn’t have that sense of the future growing up.

For one thing, Megumi was guaranteed to have a position of extreme authority within the clan itself as he got older. But when he intervened on her behalf, he didn’t.

He didn’t save Mai with his own authority within the clan. He didn’t extend his protection over her, because he didn’t have any protection. When they finally all got caught, the first thing Naoya did was strike him across the face hard enough to knock him over.

They all got beaten horribly for that stunt. And they all expected it from the start, because that’s what their family did.

Megumi stuck his neck out for her. He took a beating because he didn’t like Naoya bullying her around. He intervened for Mai when it was to his own direct detriment, and she never forgot it. Her own parents weren’t doing that.

Which meant that she sort of hoped that when Megumi got older and became an authority in the clan, people would stop hurting her entirely.

Megumi didn’t have the authority as a little kid to just order Naoya to fuck off, but he was pretty much guaranteed to have it one day. There had always been people in the clan where, if you had their favor, no one could touch you. Mai had just never had anyone’s favor before. But Megumi was the Ten Shadows, and he was practically cosmically ordained as the most important person in their clan in five hundred years, and he was kind to her, and he said they could be friends. He said they’d stay friends.

It cost Megumi a lot to protect her as kids. It gave her a lot of very real hope that he’d keep doing it when it cost him nothing, and that there would come a day where it would just stop hurting so much.

And it wasn’t just her. It was also a future where Maki could maybe be happy.

One of the central facets of Mai’s character is that she desperately wishes for a world where Maki would have stayed in the clan with her. She wanted Maki to keep her promise. She wanted Maki to just be content doing a few chores and keeping her head down.

At this time, Maki hadn’t broken her promise yet, but I think that Mai still wanted that as their future. Her and Maki together, with Maki never leaving her, and both of them safe in the compound from the curses that terrified Mai.

Even if Megumi was nice to her, there should have been the lingering doubt as to whether he would also make the clan safe for Maki, but that fear got shattered when she joined them in Mai’s hideout.

He didn’t treat her like garbage. He said that they could be friends too. Maki bossed him around while they played, and the most he did was grumble at her. He treated Maki better than their own parents were treating them, and he did it without a thought.

So yeah. Mai had a lot of hopes pinned on Megumi when she was a very young girl. And I think if she had any feelings for him, it was more trying to force herself to have those feelings, because the world he offered was by far the one she wanted the most. Whether she was in love with him was almost the least important consideration.

If Mai was going to be married off to the heir to the clan, better Fushiguro “respect women” Megumi than Zenin “if she breathes she’s a thot” Naoya. He made her see a future she and Maki could be happy in for once, and then it all got ripped away.

I definitely see Mai as having a lot of bitterness towards Megumi leaving the clan, but I don’t think it was initially against him. I think she was initially bitter as hell against gojo. She was a little kid buying into the propaganda, which is that it wasn’t their Ten Shadows rejecting them, no, it was gojo stealing him away. That’s definitely changed and developed over the years, but I won’t say how.

[andivmg]

(big paragraph rant ahead thanks to madison beer’s memoir)

okay so i finished reading The Half of It today and i have a lot of thoughts. but i’m gonna post just the pages that spoke to me the most in regard to online stuff and rant

i remember 2021 as being literally one of the worst years of my life this far because of twitter (obviously a bunch of personal stuff too but yk). to this day i’m mildly afraid of the internet which is very silly but very real. because of the part of the internet i was “famous” in i was forced to see every single thing people wrote about me and at first it was super fun super cool but it very quickly shifted into people picking me apart for everything i did or said. then i started associating myself with my ex and his circle of people and it only got worse. their audience was welcoming at first but after a week i would see people call me annoying and a pick me on a daily basis. and this was before i got “called out” for some stuff i don’t wanna get into now because i feel like it has been discussed enough but iykyk. so when that happened people latched onto that and to this day i still get the one off rude message about it. and when people tried to stick up for me i was reduced to sex. which was so demeaning in so many different ways. like the only reason i would ever be worth defending was because of my “pussy”. like that was the only thing about me that mattered. and as a woman on TWITCH of all places i was already hearing that enough. it was even more infuriating knowing that my male counterparts had done so much worse than me and faced maybe half the backlash. and even then had their mistakes and behaviors excused to the point of them not having to own up to them at all. as a woman of color i was held to a much higher standard than a lot of my peers. i was expected to know everything and to never make a mistake. so yeah, i wish i had been kinder to myself at the time. because no matter how mean the internet was to me, i was meaner. at the time it literally felt like my life was over. i would go online and only read bad things about myself. it was such a small group of people though, but i was so chronically online that it felt like the whole world was against me. and it sounds dumb and self centered but it’s how it felt as a teenage girl whose whole life was centered around twitter, tiktok, and twitch. once a big group of us went to universal and i tried to stay out of as many pictures as possible. whenever a fan would approach us as a group i would always offer to take the picture for them because i didn’t want to be in any of them. my friends told me i was being dramatic but i was trying to avoid what ended up happening anyway. people quote tweeting the pictures and making comments about me. i expected every fan that came up to either not know who i was (ideally), or worse, to know and hate me.

madison also talked a lot about being paranoid about her personal life being leaked online and talked about and i felt that deeply as well. once on stream i accidentally showed my lock screen (a picture of me and my ex) for like half a second. then immediately after, i ended stream and deleted the vod along with most of the clips but people had already had seen it and a week later my ex called me up mad as hell because people were posting screenshots of it on twitter and he was not happy about it. people were speculating on our relationship and making fun etc. and i just felt so powerless. like nothing i could do or say would change their mind. now i realize it literally does not matter what people say.

anyway yeah clearly madison’s book brought back a lot of memories for me. it was honestly oddly comforting to read. i know so many people that have gone through similar things and it’s never handled well by anyone involved. i feel a lot more comfortable talking about it now and especially here because i know it won’t become a huge thing since i’m irrelevant now and this is old drama. it’s just nice to write to the void sometimes (you guys aren’t a void i promise but yk what i mean). but yeah i’m over most of the stuff that happened that year. my therapist is amazing and helped me through it all. and now i can talk about it without feeling any type of way. it is something that happened. and i am okay now.

in conclusion, i love madison beer

[go-to-the-mirror]

I really wanted to draw for this episode, but my head's been kind of messed up lately, so I'm just gonna ramble I guess. I've been so excited for this episode :3

Firstly, this is one of my absolute favourite episodes ever, and I Will Not shut up about it, because it's so good! Literal suburban hellscape!! To be honest I relate a little more to the other themes in this episode, being quiet fear, no one knowing or caring that you died in some supernatural suburban hell, and your body is just rotting there. An irrelevant name, an irrelevant face, just another victim of this place. Spooky stuff! Not too afraid of suburbs themselves lol, though I doubt many are.

This episode is SO neat! :D Right, on with the ramble/analysis because I have GREAT words for this episode.

@a-mag-a-day

Content warnings for everything in this episode + some themes of domestic violence/abuse.

Before we go ahead with the episode, here are some highlights from text conversations.

WHEN YOU CANT TRUST COMFORT!! (MAG 162, MAG 170, MAG 181, MAG 186, MAG 187 (to an extent)) MAG 150 (I love Cul-de-Sac and will never shut up about it) MAG 188 but when Jon' talking about how The Lonely is familiar to Martin and how the suburbia domains have quiet suffering (Will never be over that actually i have So Many Feelings) MAG 32 I can make a little quote thig one second actually because I have Thoughts god i'd be so cool on tumblr but i'm too anxious to post there, this is a tragedy [...] "I was going to die. I knew that now, just as she had, just as anyone else who came here had. How many corpses lay waiting behind the placid façade of this endless false suburbia?" Screaming Every time I think about cul-de-sac it becomes even more my favourite statement

(Messages to Mapleejay, 22 December, 2022)

One day I am going to write a statement and it's going to be like eye, lonely, idk, but it's definitely going to be eye and lonely and it's going to be so horrifying because combination false comfort + THAT being desperate for help people watching and laughing and judging but passing by + that line from cul-de-sac I'm obsessed with [...] Being lonely isn't just about being alone physically Being alone in an uncaring crowd [...] No one knows or cares what you're dealing with The line from cul-de-sac is "Her face was bloody but I was sure I didn't recognize her. She had a bag with her, and her ID read "Yetunde Uthman," not a name I'd ever encountered before. Just another victim of this place" but also "How many corpses lay waiting behind the placid facade of this endless false suburbia?" And "I checked to see if I could find anything out about Yetunde Uthman, and I did find a few old social media profiles, but I wasn't able to get through to any family or friends. As far as I can tell she disappeared a year ago and nobody noticed."

(Messages to Mapleejay, 29 December, 2022)

Now, onto the actual reaction, posting it on tumblr dot com because I am no longer too anxious! Hell, I might even post the previously mentioned compilation of quotes with commentary! Fun times.

You’re all alone, trying to connect with people, trying to find your place in the world, but in the end the only person you really know is yourself, and even then, not all that well. There’s plenty of things I’ve done I couldn’t explain to you.

Shout out to that time my sister tried to convince me that she knew me better than I knew myself. Not in a malicious way, mind, we were kids, and she just figured that because she could remember more of my life, she knows me more.

Yeah, I mean, I guess it's for everyone I guess, but here I am with my impulsivity and memory issues having no idea why the hell I did so many of the stupid things I've done. You whole life is just justifying to yourself the decisions you've made, so maybe I'm just not grand at that /hj.

“What an idiot! How the hell could he have done such an obviously stupid thing? How was I surprised it went so badly? What a relief I’m now so much older and wiser.” Except that last part never really turns out to be true, does it? The line of when you were your dumb younger self seems to keep moving forward with you, until each more mature and reasonable version of you eventually falls foul of it and becomes a young idiot.

A year ago, I thought I had really worked on my anger and just become an all-round nicer person to be around, and then I look back and realize that yes, my anger was still very much there, and also that I was quite... passionate? I am still, I'm pretty loud, it comes with the territory, and that can be misinterpreted as or become anger, given the right (or wrong) circumstances.

It's not really worth it, is it. I can berate myself from 4 years ago for being an angry, clingy little prick, but there's not really a point anymore. I understand them, I understand why fae was angry and clingy and sort of mean, and now I know how to not be angry and clingy and mean, and being angry at your younger self really doesn't accomplish anything. This is @ jon sims, pull yourself together man.

The thing is, when we both found ourselves in positions to be working from home, we actually thought it was going to be really good for our relationship. The two of us, spending all our time together; we reckoned it was going to be real romantic. We were real stupid back then.

If I know anything from the statistics of domestic violence in the pandemic, then yeah no. No. Not that their relationship was abusive or anything.

Also, I like how Herman goes from saying how believing you're much older and wiser is a lie, to saying that they were really stupid "back then," there's something in that. I don't know what.

Hell, technically it’s not even a suburb. It’s just a village that looks so much like a suburb that you could pull it up drop it on the edge of any dull town in England and it would look the same.

Can't believe the suburban hellscape episode isn't even set in a suburb.

Just street after street of identical, blandly pleasant houses, all winding around each other in dead ends and cul-de-sacs and one-way streets, making sure every house has plenty of inoffensive garden. I’ve never seen people happily living in a place so obviously dead.

CAN I QUICKLY TALK ABOUT GRASS?

Grass, the short lawn grass, it's not great. It is bad for the environment actually. Suburbs slash neg.

Just that last bit of that paragraph. Real.

I’d say that cheating on him was a foolish act of past me, but honestly, it’s one of the few decisions I’ve ever made that I completely understand. I didn’t even try to hide it, not really, and when he found out and it all ended, I kind of hated myself for just how relieved I was that I’d finally be able to leave that place, to get in my car and drive away from that gentle suburban nightmare.

I like that phrase, "gentle suburban nightmare."

I got a cheap apartment in Liverpool and tried to tell myself I was happier. The single life, footloose and … sitting at home binging bad TV. I tried to get back into the club scene, but honestly, I think I’m just too old now. The music was too loud, the drinks were too expensive and the sort of thing I used to take to be dancing all night now hit me with a comedown so hard that I had to write off almost the entire week.

As mentioned above, I don't really think The One Alone is only about physical isolation. It can be, sure, but I feel like it's also about the failure to connect. There are so many people and none of them see you, and you don't see them, and there's an insurmountable difference between you and them.

It didn’t help that, over the course of a ten-year relationship, “my friends” had become “our friends” and there weren’t any of them siding with me in this situation. Some would drop platitudes about maybe reconnecting after the fallout was done with, but I know when I’m being handled by people who “don’t want to create any more drama.”

✨ loosing all of your friends at once ✨

Ah... good times, good times.

It's like, not only have you lost one person, then you lose everyone, and if you had anyone left you just sort of... assume you don't. It's so easy to cut yourself off, and when you've done it once you can do it again, and again, and again, and again.

I don’t know. I was younger, then. Foolish.

There is something there!

Then Jon does a litte laugh, assuming in statement character, so I'm guessing the statement giver was laughing at himself. Neat detail.

It was late when I got to what I thought was his street, driving through the one-way signs and well-maintained gardens that bordered that snaking road. The sun had disappeared, but the sky was still fairly light, that late-summer twilight that seems to just drag on forever.

Mate, I love the aesthetic of the fog and The Lonely, but that's not really what feels lonely to me. This feels lonely, slightly humid, sun shining into your eyes, slight breeze, no one around, flat and empty.

Yes, I know I'm just describing an Ontario summer.

There was no answer at any of them. There were no lights on behind the drawn curtains, and all the house numbers were zero.

It's so freaky! The growing dread, you know this could almost be an I Do Not Know You statement, what with the things playing at being normal houses, and the tv show shown later.

I wished I hadn’t thrown away the wristwatch Alberto had given me, but it was too late for those regrets.

I may be reaching, but could this be a microcosm of Herman's regret at having thrown away him and Alberto's relationship, and seeing it as too late to salvage it. Now he's left with no way to tell the time, as it were, in a manifestation of The Lonely.

At the start, I was counting how many houses I passed, but when I got to a hundred, I stopped. It was beginning to eat away at my careful rationalisations, and I couldn’t allow that.

I'm just highlighting it because I find it interesting how his mind works. Not in a bad way or even a good way. It just is.

I marched up to a nearby front door, prepared to kick in the flimsy-looking wood, but trying the handle revealed it was unlocked. I don’t know why I picked that house. It was exactly identical to all the others, and I’ve often wondered if there was anything that drew me to it. Perhaps I was just unlucky, or perhaps there only ever was one house.

I just really like this section. "Perhaps there only ever was one house," should be up there with "the blanket never did anything," as creepy lines. The theme of inevitability. This is going to happen, there is only one possible way this can end.

It feels tired, that's the lonely to me. Just being tired. You can cry all you want, you can be afraid but... at the end you're just tired and alone and it hasn't changed a thing. Inevitability in that way.

Or maybe, inevitability that you were always going to be alone. Maybe there's just something wrong with you.

Hhhh I love this episode so so so so so much.

The lights worked, which was a relief, and the inside looked exactly how I expected it to. And I mean, exactly how I expected it to: from the blank IKEA furniture, to the subtly-patterned cream wallpaper, to the picture frames lining the wall containing what were clearly stock photos, each of a different family pantomiming a scene of domestic bliss.

Firstly, the line "pantomiming a scene of domestic bliss" is just so... I love it so much. I love this episode so much. A family home, a happy family home from the outside looking in.

Secondly:

I did find several pictures of her and her new boyfriend though, which puts my mind somewhat at ease. Well, mostly. There’s something about him that doesn’t seem quite right. Something about the smile, maybe? I mean, they’re all pictures of Sasha and Tom, as I’m told his name is, having fun together, but… it’s hard to put into words exactly, but every one of them looks somehow like a stock photo.

(MAG 57 - Personal Space)

I could point to this and say that this is an example of it potentially being The Stranger, however I'm going to use it to point out something else.

You’re thinking too literally. Examining the physical categorisation, but ignoring the meaning of the thing. What are the bones? In the Distortion, your “Michael”, the structure of a skeleton, an established reality in your mind, is twisted and warped into an impossible form. But in other cases? Are they a symbol of slaughter and butchery? Are they the familiar made wrong? Or are they simply part of the messy, physicality of flesh?

(MAG 80 - The Librarian)

What matters is what it is, in this case the stock photos, what matters is what it means, what it makes the person looking at it feel. In Tom and Not!Sasha's case, it's representing how Not!Sasha is pantomiming as a real person, everything looks like a stock photo because she isn't actually a person going on dates with her boyfriend, she's pretending to be.

The stock photos in this episode are representing the pretense of this home where atrocities are committed being a normal family home. It's set up like a little suburban home, beige walls, sofa tv, family pictures, lovely place to raze a child - sorry raise a child - just so long as you ignore the blood dripping down from upstairs!

She was talking, or at least, it sounded like she was. The cadence and the sounds were so much like English that it took me almost a full minute to realise that she wasn’t actually saying words.

I recently relistened to episode 48 - Lost in the Crowd, and it's reminded me just how much I like the little bits of it focused on language. Easy to feel alienated when you don't know what people are saying.

The Lonely and The Stranger are pretty similar - one could say that they're part of the same thing and separating them with no room for nuance was a stupid thing fictionalized Robert Smirke - but yeah I mean, it's pretty easy to feel lonely in a crowd of people you don't know. The Lukas', the crowd, these people on the TV, they're all strangers, people you don't know who you feel scared of.

It's interpretation, really.

I hit the remote again. A shopping channel. The host was a tall, clean-shaven man with close-cropped hair. He was holding a brick and talking about it in that same flow of non-words, that still had a familiar salesman’s patter. The screen scrolled the message “buy now!”, though there was neither price nor contact details, as this man, who wouldn’t look at the camera, earnestly pretended to sell me a brick.

Firstly, Spamton G. Spamton is that you? Secondly, this is so freaky, I like it a lot. Just someone really trying to sell you a brick in complete gibberish, that's just so cool! Jonny just blew it out of the water with this one (it's my favourite non-metaplot episode).

I didn’t know them, as it turned out.

OOOOH JUST! HM! Just another person, dead upstairs, unknown even in death, not missed, alone even in death.

"I didn't know them."

She had a bag with her, and her ID read ‘Yetunde Uthman’ – not a name I’d ever encountered before. Just another victim of this place.

The line "just another victim of this place" is making me so unbelievably bouncing at the walls, tearing and ripping. Just another person, one of a million, just happened to be here, just another victim of this place.

I... don't know how to describe what I'm thinking when I hear that line. Just another victim of this place, just another poor unfortunate soul (in pain, in need) who somehow stumbled upon this suburban hellscape and died for it. Just another person with no one who would miss them, no one who'd notice they were gone. Just another lonely person, one of millions.

I am so abnormal about that line.

It looked as though she had forced her head through the mirror on the dressing table, the shards cutting her face and neck to ribbons, a particularly large piece piercing her jugular, spilling blood all down the unremarkable white table and onto the light brown carpet below. I don’t think she’d been dead that long, but I’m not a doctor and I didn’t really try to check.

I like how it's noted that their blood was spilled onto another piece of set dressing for this ordinary suburban household. "Spilling blood all down the unremarkable white table and onto the light brown carpet below." Noting the how the table is "unremarkable"... I just think that's neat, you know? How her blood has shattered the illusion of a normal home, a normal family posing in the picture frames.

How many corpses lay waiting behind the placid façade of this endless false suburbia?

Quiet terror. Private terror - you can't let anyone know. Put up a united front, and let things fall apart at home. Houses so put together in the front exactly like the others, but when you get inside there is the unmistakable sent of rot.

I need to write something with this, good lord.

Also, this reminds me of a line in 188.

ARCHIVIST But if you think there’s a lack of violence or suffering, then I’m afraid you’re mistaken. There’s plenty, it’s just… hidden. Trapped behind identical doors and down silent streets of unknown neighbours. The suffering here is deep. And it’s private.

(MAG 188 - Centre of Attention)

I say this as if I did not already think this already. I was not just reminded, I think about this podded cast quite a bit.

He was calling me; I don’t know how. But the tears came even faster now, as I answered, sobbing with relief to hear him yelling at me for taking so long. Had I forgotten? Was I even planning to bother? I tried to reply, to explain, but all I could manage to say, to get through the shaking sobs, was, “I love you.”

That's just a really beautiful moment, you think you're going to die and then you remember you love someone, and then someone comes to help you, because people love each other.

It's just... I really love that the way to beat The Lonely is love. Being loved, loving, not necessarily romantically, but human connection, love from person to person, in families, romantic partners, strangers, friends.

I think it's really great, I think this moment is really great, and I know Gerry says there are no entities of hope or love but I don't think we need them, 'cause we love enough on our own.

We’re working on it, the two of us. We’re not exactly back together yet, but I think it’s going well.

Yay! Fuck yeah! They're okay, or they're getting there, and you know what, great for them, great for them. Goddamn horror podcast with hope? And love? Hhhhh /pos.

As far as I can tell, she disappeared a year ago. And nobody noticed.

I've said this before in this, and I'll say it again. That really gets to me. Just being alone there, having no one even look for you, notice that you're gone, even care.

It's... horrible.

It’s not that easy though. When everyone has so many walls, so many defences, sometimes you can feel lonely even when you’re all in the same room. But it’s better than the alternative, and at least none of us are suffering alone.

That must be so awkward, like they all have so much baggage with each other, what do they do? Play scrabble? Jenga? They can't play cards 'cause Jon would accidentally cheat - or they'd accuse Jon of accidentally cheating - which sucks, because Sevens is fun. I learned Sevens from some guy in a pub in Ireland. It was fun.

MELANIE Jon, have you got a moment? ARCHIVIST Uh, course, I was just, um, having a statement. MELANIE Oh … A-an old one? ARCHIVIST Wha— Yes, an old one! I’m not— I’m doing my best. MELANIE Sure. ARCHIVIST What do you want?

My first reaction was "there was no reason for it to get so antagonistic in five seconds, Melanie" but then I reconsidered, and I understand why Melanie would say that, but why did she though? Like, what was the reason? He's in his office? The statement's right in front of him? Why? Like, fine, whatever, I get it, I can be nice and nuanced or whatever, but sometimes I don't want to and I want to get a bit miffed at Melanie for making it an angry conversation when it didn't have to be.

MELANIE Look, I’m not going to do my job anymore. ARCHIVIST I’m not sure I follow. You know we can’t quit. We’ve all tried. MELANIE I didn’t say I was going to quit. I said I’m not going to do my job: no researching, no filing, no field trips, nothing that is going to help the Institute in any way. I’ll still be around, I just … I can’t be a part of this anymore. If I get sick, I get sick, and if I die …

I get why they were still doing their jobs, out of the fear of getting sick or dying from it.

MELANIE Because this place is evil, Jon. And so, doing this job, helping it out, even in small ways, is in some ways evil tool. Every time we try to use it to do good, it just seems to make everything worse. And … And I will not be a part of that anymore. ARCHIVIST What about the Unknowing? W-we saved the world. MELANIE Did we? I-I mean, I think it was the right thing to do, but how many people were killed to do it? W-we weren’t even a neutral party. We did it as agents of The Eye, because Elias told us to.

Yeah! Yeah it is evil! Good on Melanie, honestly, for Jon it's... less of an option, but I'm glad Melanie's doing it. Also why is she nearly spot on-

MELANIE Martin put him there. A-and he’s still doing harm! You ever think that maybe this whole ritual business is just an excuse, and that we’re all just part of some huge, miserable fear machine?

So, what if I told you-

I mean, she's not wrong. She is not wrong.

Does this count as striking? Is she striking from her evil eye job?

MELANIE Right, right, okay. I know. That is why I ruined my first four sessions and almost torpedoed the chance at a genuinely really good therapist, because I was so paranoid that she was going to turn out to be some … some thing trying to manipulate me. But no. She’s not full of spiders, or made of wax, or wearing the therapist’s skin or whatever. She’s just a well-trained professional, who I am paying to help me.

Look hm I'm just, I'm cheerleading. Go Melanie! (woo) Idk what to say. Don't really care about this post statement.

MELANIE Look, I didn’t come here for a fight. I just wanted to let you know what was going on. If you need me, I’ll be trying to get Daisy drunk.

Hey, I mean. High stress situation, they're bound to be a bit snappy. And by them I do mean both of them, whatever, my blorbo isn't infallible or something.

I don't really care about the post statement.

In conclusion, I love this statement so much. I think it's really cool, I like the themes of quiet and private terror, and love saving people. Cul-de-Sac my absolute beloved, I started this at ~4pm, it is now ~8:30pm.

[katieqnmr]

Keeper? I hardly know her…

Apologies. I can’t help but echo the stupid joke that ping-ponged around the set of Keeper…Dumb enough to laugh at every time I heard it. (Wonder whether the folks working on Popper had the same issue…)

I think being a 1st AD on set was a very different viewpoint from any other I’ve had on any set. (Okay I techhhnicallly 1st AD’d Nat’s ‘about that one time’ documentary but I really had no clue what I was doing… I think I booked some kit…(?) (sorry guys) ….

So this was a BIG STEP UP. And a key difference…Ben actually asked me to 1st AD Keeper, I didn’t even think I would be a part of his film!

But Ben ended up explaining his vision for what a good 1st A.D. was…and I kind of felt like I could manage what he was describing. Also, lots of what he wanted was a good attitude, patience and clarity. Things I felt I could manage okay. But…. I could feel the ADHD demon stirring within me at the idea of… organisation(!!!) now… it’s not that I can’t be organised… but I know that I am easily distractable. I mean I actually struggle keeping these blog posts coherent a lot of the time, always wanting to start new thoughts in between old ones, which means I lack a … level of detail. Which I think is quite important as a 1st AD. However Ben assured me I would be fine. And I think generally I was!

^ We had meetings where I arranged the strip board for scheduling (which would inevitably change as days went by and we had to re-assess some things 😃😃)

I also was in charge of call sheets, which I’m afraid to say went out pretty late each night… but in my defense I got home at 11-12 each night..! But I should have had them all ready to go so I could send them out from my phone… lessons learned. The thing is, we changed so many timings each day that any pre-prepared call sheets would become rather irrelevant so I’m not sure what the fix is there.

Also the main difficulty of this shoot: we had for almost all days (pitch days) we had from 19:00-21:30(MAX) to shoot all our footage for the day, as the venue needed us OUT by 22:00, and we had to shoot at black for the shots to all match (and for Ben’s vision). This was a huge challenge for everyone, and Alex and I discussed at one point any alternatives- more shoot days possibly? But with good old British Summer Time approaching and the clocks going forward (yayy!!!) there was bad news… the darkness that we so needed would be another hour gone. Realistically I knew we could get everything shot in the days we had allocated, and we did. But I do feel bad that I had to really be on everyone as though they weren’t being fast enough, when it was actually just the parameters of the shoot.

What did I do right?

I think I was generally keeping to task. If I hadn’t been there, they would have overrun by miles… there were a few times Ben and Alex gave me this face when I told them the time…

I think it just goes so fast! Especially when it’s not your job to keep track of it. So it’s good that I was there, I made a material difference whooooo!! 🥳🥳

I think I also was pretty encouraging to everyone, and was able to call all decisions that needed to be. There was one time on day 3 where we had shifted some times around and basically Ben was hoping we would get way more shots on that day. I had been observing the last few days, felt pretty well acquainted with the patterns of shooting and thought ‘hang on, that’s never going to happen.’ But I didn’t crush Ben’s dreams and we talked about how it might work. I promised we could try his plan, because if it didn’t work out we could shoot what we hadn’t in the next 2 days, and there was plenty of time for them. As the day went on I was becoming increasingly stressed, and I had to pull Ben aside at dinner and tell him that we could not get those shots done. He at first was determined we could, but eventually I think he realised that it wasn’t possible. He very gracefully promised to trust my judgement in the future, and apologised which was really kind. I know it’s not easy at all to cut things from the schedule especially when you’re in a creative mindset. I know in Saint Catherine’s I was always asking for a a bit more time where I could.

Other good things:

I was able to reunite with Monica the 2nd AD!!!^

And a tonne of people on Saint Catherine’s were also on Keeper, so it felt very homely when I was missing the set of Saint Cats.

(Sorry this photo just makes me laugh)^^

Some things I could have done better:

I was pretty distracted (mainly Monica’s chats were pretty enthralling, and sometimes I forgot where I was(!!) but luckily we had so much prep time (arriving on set at 3pm). Constantly hounding them to be ready felt really patronising and uncessesary, so I would check in with them to see their ETA’s but there really wasn’t much I could do besides that. I would remind them of when would be good to start, but basically we were constantly chasing time when 7pm rolled around. It was quite frustrating, I think I wonder what it would be like to AD on a set with less of a shooting time constraint!

I also was not hugely confident, I think I don’t command an air of respect hahaa but the crew and supporting actors/cast were all very good at listening. I also wasn’t hugely keen on running the main meetings because it felt like all the words disappeared from my head as soon as people were looking at me. But I did manage them okay……..

Also the weather did not play nice on the 3rd day particularly (wow that day was hard) - it was raining hard and it was the sort of cold that stopped your fingers from moving. I wanted to make sure all cast and crew were safe and dry (especially those cast/SA’s who were wearing shorts!!) so this meant we lost a lot of time having to usher them in and out constantly for each different shot.

I think overall it was a really fun experience, and I’m really glad Ben trusted me. Everyone was so lovely to work with, and the film was looking (and sounding) beautiful! Even through freezing rain and darkness, everyone’s spirits were up.

Thank you Keeper,

From Katie xxx

[skullbowz]

Reposting of something I posted 2 days ago - I had a conversation with the civil person and I decided to remove the reblog attachment because I knew that’d just lead to more issues. This is what the rest of my post said.

Pink = edits within the text of the old reblog

~ ~ ~ ~

I didn't wanna interact with this post at all (reblog removed) and I wanted to leave it be, but the people in this call-out and their friends have decided to drag me into it for some fucking reason and I want to get my voice out there. stop accusing me of shit and twisting the hell out of my words. Thanks. Idgaf if u have beef w my friends:

I AM NOT MY FRIENDS.

Just a bit of context,, We got banned from a server that was dehumanizing my friend and questioning her for her source and appearance as a nina fictive because I was “spying” HABIT (who was fronting at the time) had screenshotted nitpicks of what the people in that server had said about my friend and told her about the situation, in which the next morning we had two people dming me (who I will not name because I don’t want shit to escalate. I just want my point across) upset that we had leaked what they were saying about my friend in that said server.

It was also revealed that we were banned because one of the two people who had DM’d me was suspicious that HABIT was a spy. We had assumed it was because, in the server, there were not only mentions of my friend (the nina fictive) but us as well and Celeste and Danny, whom the people who were called out in this doc had bad blood with, and they didn’t want us knowing they were talking shit about us.

There had been a more civil conversation between the first person who DM’d me, so I don’t care about that. Though we aren’t as comfortable interacting with them anymore even if they are still a friend because of the circumstances. We’ll talk for now but keep our distances + im paranoid that something will happen to me for speaking my mind. But the second person was just accusing us of spying and only wanted to leak the messages of my friend to my friend, which first of all if I was spying, why are you so afraid and upset your chats got leaked? Hm? Because you’re aware that what you’re doing and saying is wrong.

I’m not a part of this doc and I never was. Idc if the people involved in this doc have some sort of beef with people they assume have made it and are taking it out on neutral parties, just stop. I’m not naming names. But if this escalates I’m leaking screenshots on here. Stop trying to make it seem like the people who aren’t even involved but deemed guilty anyways are fucking criminals and should be crucified for speaking up against you. Being a teenager/minor or also having disorders doesn’t make u any less problematic and ableist then you’ve already proven yourselves to be. That’s all I have 2 say thnx ^.^ ! !

Also, just an FYI the person who had gotten me banned (person number 2 that DM’d me) had claimed they got banned from my server, which they WERE NOT. This person has spoken about leaving servers and GCs by mistake numerous times before. I believe they also used this claim against me on why they thought it was a good idea to ban us, but the only reason why they weren’t brought back in immediately was because I wasn’t fronting and HABIT was already defensive because I was in a bad mental state. To which this person responded hoping that I’d feel better soon, maybe like an hour before getting us banned. Again. DO NOT INVOLVE ME. I AM A NEUTRAL PARTY AND NOT APART OF THE DRAMA.

I will only get involved if someone forces me in. Which is what happened. Idc about the doc and the people involved are irrelevant to me. I believed it was necessary reblogging because I’d been personally targeted as of today, and not only by the people in the doc, but their friends too.

+ things might be repetitive. I’m not proof reading English isn’t my first language so womp womp

ADDING ON —

I ain’t talking to these people again unless they approach me first. I deserve an apology and so do other people. We shouldn’t be your fucking victims because we personally know people you don’t fucking like. We are beings with our own lives too. They don’t revolve around the people you hate unless you make it seem like we do.

Also, we had talked to a friend of these 2, (3) (who is also a neutral party!! I’m not dragging them in whatsoever. And they had actually said that we were banned because HABIT was being ‘rude.’ Like stated above: HABIT was being blunt.

A friend who is also neutral, yet also got banned for the same associations, had warned the people who were talking to us that I was tweaking. HABIT did not out right state it was fronting but it didn’t say anything about people assuming it was me. Which I can’t blame. But I just love how people are being told we were banned for being RUDE (??) when the people who did actually fucking ban us did it bc of COMPLETELY DIFFERENT ACCUSATIONS.

ok im officially done

[dreamingsushi]

See You in my 19th Life - Episode 9

Last episode ended on a major revelation, which is Ji-eum telling Seoha that she used to be Juwon in her past life, in hopes that she can comfort him after he’s in disarray from learning that the person trying to kill him was no one but his favourite uncle. Madam Jang is also starting to become a problem and I sense a lot of drama to come in the last four episodes. Wish us good luck!

So obviously, Seoha doesn’t believe it. So Ji-eum tells him about Juwon’s favourite book as a 12 years old. She tells him that the key to the box she gifted him for his birthday is in that book. And once he finds the key and opened the box, to read the note she just gave him before leaving. Do it in the right order. He almost opens the note right away, but refrain from it. Good boy Seoha.

Mrs Jang is planning something bad. She met with the chairman. She didn’t reveal much. But I know she’s up to no good.

When Ji-eum goes back to her room, the shaman bells are hanging in there. She doesn’t want to touch it anymore, because she has more important stuff to do. Also, her first life isn’t that important anymore to her. She gives the bells back to Mingki. He doesn’t seem to be happy about her decision. But it’s not for you to decide sir.

When Seoha goes to his house to find the key to the box (which he does), he bumps into his uncle. He can’t be warm towards him, knowing he tried to kill him, obviously. His father impedes any revelations to be made. Because it seems Seoha’s uncle feels bad. Anyways.

I don’t like those heels for Ji-eum. It makes her feet look like horse’s hoofs. It’s really unflattering. But that’s my opinion. That’s irrelevant to the story, but I had to say it.

Doyun’s brother is throwing a fit about ice cream since he’s drunk. Chowon sees him grabbing Doyun and she rushes to rescue him. Then she apologizes when she understands she was mistaken. She tells Doyun she thinks they can overcome what he’s afraid of. Together. But he once again rejects her and apologizes for giving mixed signals. Those two make my heart break, seriously. It’s so sad.

Seoha finally opens the box. Inside, there’s a storybook about Juwon’s life. JI-eum’s note is the last page to that story, where she gives a rendez-vous to the amusement park to Seoha. He finds her at the merry go round and he believes her when she says she was Juwon. Mingki and Hanna are worried about Seoha and Ji-eum getting closer. To avoid him hurting, the pain will only stop when they become normal. Ugh... That’s so unnecessary. That wasn’t in the original story. Why adding all this drama? Wasn’t it enough that Seoha’s uncle is his attempted murderer? I mean... that’s plenty dramatic. His first love died violently in a car accident for being with him at the wrong moment. She comes back reincarnated? Isn’t that dramatic enough? His mom died when he was kid. The sister can’t be with the one she loves even though he loves her back. THERE WAS ENOUGH DRAMA AND PAIN AS IS, WHY ADD MORE??

Hanna asks Ji-eum to play a prank on miss Jang. She pretends to have talked to Seoha’s mom ghost and being relaying her message. She seems really scared. Hanna tells something that sounds a little mysterious to Ji-eum, that she should make new connections when she’s reborn. She won’t be able to pick up her calls anymore.

Seoha confronts his uncle about the accident. Apparently is intent wasn’t to injure Seoha, but his dad. He was mad about him not taking care of his wife and that Mrs Jang would still stick to his side. I’m starting to wonder if that lady even existed in the Webtoon. I don’t remember this... Anyways. Seoha forces him to turn himself in before he reveals everything. So the uncle does.

Ji-eum takes Seoha to a place related to her first life. Doyun sees a picture of that place and seems troubled. Mingki is looking even more creepy than before. He’s shaking those bells. Ji-eum remembers a memory of her past life. In which she stabbed the man that looks like Seoha. And she gets shot by an arrow. And obviously, we need to wait for the next episode to get to know more about the meaning of this.

I’m actually pretty upset at the modifications about her first life. They changed something great, for something cliché. I mean, I still don’t know everything, but it looks like something very cliché, maybe star crossed lovers or something like that. It bothers me so so so so so much. Why change something that was already great and close to perfection. Unique. For something we’ve seen over and over and over and over again. Please writers, surprise me properly with the last three episodes. I was so hyped for this series.

[talesoftheinsomniac]

2:50 am

What a bizarre feeling when you read on your old posts and the problems from your past are irrelevant to you now. While it’s not completely irrelevant, my past self had troubles with depression and suicide thoughts. The thought of ending myself occurs here and there, not as strongly as I did in the past. I’ve mentioned in the previous post that it doesn’t even feel like me when I read on my old posts. However, reading on my suicide posts, it seems very much more something close to me. The main similarities are the feeling of struggle in life to move forward, the feeling of doing it by yourself, and the feeling of exhaustion. The differences are the struggles are different, I’m a more mature person now, I struggle with anxiety rather than suicidal thoughts.

How much have I grown since? What are the same and what are different? The same as follows: I’m still struggling, stubborn, running away, dishonest, wants attention. The differences are I’m much older, I’ve gain a little patience, I’ve learned to slow down and try to listen and understand better. I’m not completely in touch with my emotions and feelings, but I’ve become more aware of them once again. Reading up on my old posts, I did at least understand my pains and feelings. Not completely though, but at least I was able to write down my feelings rather than being too vague.

To reflect on the past is a tiring task. I learned about myself a bit today by surfacing the obvious problems about my current self by reading about my past self. I’ve written the things that are the same from now and before, the things I need to change and work on myself. Let’s break it down a bit. Why am I so stubborn? Everyone’s technically stubborn, but what is it about me or my beliefs that makes me want to stick to what I want? It’s just because it’s what I want and it’s selfish. Why am I selfish? Why do I not want to give but only take? Initially, I think that I just want it all, sharing myself to others is something I don’t want to do. Because sharing myself is vulnerable and I tend to hide the flaws and failures about myself. I run away for the same reason. Because I don’t want to be vulnerable and face the consequences of my actions. I run away because it shows others a crack in myself. A crack I so deem a weak spot about myself. Being vulnerable and weak is something I apparently don’t want to show others. My dishonesty comes with my fear of vulnerability and selfishness. “I want this, I want that” mentality. It’s never “this is good for us, this is good for others”. “I want attention” is a cry from my insecurities. My insecurities about not having anything interesting about me, being broke, and saying something that doesn’t have any value.

To accept my insecurities, to accept my stubbornness, to accept my selfishness and owning up to my actions, is a progress to accepting myself. Obviously, I need to acknowledge these things, then work on the problems. I need to understand myself why I am this why and then find solutions. One thing from writing this post tells me that I still suffer from hiding away. That I don’t want to be vulnerable. Heck, I don’t even want to be vulnerable towards myself. But the truth is here, I don’t want to be vulnerable. But why? Afraid of being judged? There must be more about it. Afraid that people will see that you’re actually a horrible person and shallow? Why am I afraid? Because in reality, I don’t have anything to offer? Build up your personality! Be sociable, be sympathetic, talk and do the way you want to.

[voxiiferous]

Extra! Extra! Exclusive Interview with Overlord Vox!

If anyone else wants to fill this out for their muse, go for it! It's also far and away The Longest sort of these I have ever done for any muse. Hence the read more.

G E N E R A L

[ name ]: Vox... though in life it was Vincent Price.

[ nicknames ]: In life it was Vince.

[ birthday ]: January 19th

[ birthplace ]: Pennsylvania.

[ age ]: Counting since death? 108. If only until, then 40.

[ eye color ]: Red.

[ height ]: 7'0"

[ weight ]: Synthetic parts don't weigh the same as flesh.

[ nationality ]: American... though America doesn't exist in Hell, so... Pride?.

[ astrological sign ]: Capricorn/Aquarius cusp.

[ location ]: My living room.

[ siblings ]: No.

[ pets ]: Just Vark.

[ in the morning i’m ]: Awake? At work?

[ all i need is ]: A vacation would be nice.

[ love is ]: real? Dia and Hellaina are certainly in love.

[ i’m afraid of ]: Failure, mostly. People finding out my secrets.

[ i dream about ]: Work. My life.

H A V E . Y O U . E V E R ?

[ pictured your crush naked? ]: yeah of course. Who hasn’t?

[ used someone? ]: You don’t get to where I am without it.

[ been used? ]: most people have the good sense not to, but yes.

[ been cheated on? ]: It's not cheating if you're broken up. It's not cheating if it's an open relationship.

[ considered cheating? ]: same rules apply.

[ been kissed? ]: I’ve been in a relationship for 50 years. What do you think?

[ done something you regret? ]: ... ("You have to answer the question, Vox.") Yes.

F A V O R I T E

[ food? ]: I haven’t been able to eat in seventy years, at this point, anything.

[ fruit? ]: I probably had more cherries than anything, but that’s just because they were everywhere.

[ candy? ]: I make candy, so V&Vs. (“You’ve never even tried them.”) Irrelevant.

[ color? ]: Blue

[ number? ]: Who’s got a favourite number? (“You’re being paid to answer the question.”) π (“An actual number.”) I don’t even know? 5?

[ animal? ]: Sharks

[ drink? ]: Old Fashioned

[ soda? ]: I haven’t had a soda in a long time.

[ book? ]: Anything other than my engineering textbooks.

[ room? ]: probably my living room?

[ movie? ]: The Old Dark House from 1932-- the original one.

D O . Y O U ?

[ have a boyfriend/girlfriend? ]: Yeah— Valentino for the last 50 years. (“He’s a rat bastard.”) Hellaina doesn’t like him as you can tell.

[ like cleaning? ]: why the fuck would I when I can pay people to do that for me?

[ have a tattoo? ]: nope

[ have any piercings? ]: Also no.

[ cheat on tests/homework? ]: I was the kid people wanted to cheat off of.

[ drink/smoke? ]: do? No, not for lack of desire, just lack of ability.

[ swear a lot? ]: take a wild fucking guess.

[ like watching sunrises or sunset? ]: Eh? Hell’s aren’t really that aesthetically pleasing. Just sort of red and darker red.

[ pray? ]: I thought the whole thing was ridiculous when I was eight, that’s not changed.

[ go to church? ]: not a lot of churches in Hell.

[ have secrets? ]: Consider who I am and the answer is real clear.

[ have a best friend? ]: Yeah of course. Vel’s a delight. (“Seriously? I’m right here.”) And also Hellaina.

[ like your own handwriting? ]: I haven’t had to hand write anything in decades— I wouldn’t even know.

A R E . Y O U ?

[ obsessive? ]: In some things.

[ excited? ]: Not really.

[ bored? ]: Constantly.

[ happy? ]: ... let's not answer that one.

[ missing someone? ]: No one to miss babes.

[ confused? ]: No.

[ tired? ]: At this point I think 'perpetually exhausted' is just a state of being.

[ mad? ]: ("As a hatter,") No, in fact.

[ sleepy? ]: Tired yes, sleepy no.

D O . Y O U . E V E R ?

[ wait around just to talk to someone? ]: People wait to talk to me.

[ write about those ‘special’ moments? ]: What do I look like? A sentimental fool who needs a diary? ("Voxtagram?") Like that's the same.

[ wish you were a member of the opposite sex? ]: Not something I want to bring on myself.

W H O . W A S . T H E . L A S T . P E R S O N . W H O ?

[ you talked to? ]: Hellaina.

[ you hugged? ]: ...does Vark count?

[ you kissed? ]: Val.

[ sent you a letter? ]: An actual letter? Hells... my mother before I died? Email's easier, that's one of the architects.

[ you sent a letter to? ]: If I go email, then the same architect, if I go actual letter, I don't know, someone in life.

[ you laughed with? ]: Hellaina.

[ slept in your bed? ]: Me.

[ you shared a drink with? ]: If I need to drink for it to count, with a couple of people in 1955, if not, probably Val.

[ you went to the movies with? ]: It was a premier, so Hellaina and what sometimes seems like half my staff.

[ yelled at you? ]: An unhappy client.

[ you called? ]: Katie Killjoy.

[ you kicked? ]: Uh... ("Was it that guy from the last hostile takeover?") Yeah, I think. So nameless goon whatever.

[ you saw? ]: ("I'm still right here.")

W H O . I S ?

[ the most handsome person you know? ]: Val probably won't read this, right? Because it's not him, it's Angel Dust.

[ the weirdest person you know? ]: Velvette.

[ the funniest person you know? ]: Also probably Vel.

[ the loudest person you know? ]: That one harpy actress, she's awful.

[ the quietest person you know? ]: I don't know a lot of 'quiet' people, but maybe Adelard.

[ the sweetest person you know? ]: Adelard. Not a lot of sweet people left down here.

[ the most serious person you know? ]: ("It's you.") Nah, it's... not Alastor. Shit, is it me?

[ your best friend? ]: We covered this.

[ the person you hate the most? ]: Alastor. ("Are you certain there?") ...no, you're right, he's too fun to mess with. My former co-worker and producer for the few people old enough to know that reference.

[ the person you see most? ]: To Val's chagrin, Hellaina.

[ your soul-mate? ]: There is nothing but laughter heard for several minutes from both Vox and Hellaina.

W H A T . I S ?

[ the first thing you thought of when you woke up? ]: It's too early for this nonsense.

[ the song that best describes you? ]: [Nothing but a shit-eating grin as he presses his phone and Video Killed the Radio Star starts to play].

[ your best feature? ]: If you say smile I'll demote you. ("No you won't".) My sense of style.

[ your most treasured memory? ]: .........uh. Hellaina's wedding.

I N . T H E . F U T U R E

[ what is the age you hope to get married? ]: It hasn't happened yet so sometime after 100.

[ number and names of kids? ]: Not much of an option down here.

[ where do you see yourself at age twenty? ]: Fucking hell, that was a long time ago.

[ describe your dream wedding? ]: I don't know. To someone I love?

[ when and how do you want to die? ]: Not the way I did, I can say that for certain.

[ what are your career plans? ]: ("Ruler of Hell.") Don't be ridiculous, just... what isn't a heretical answer? I've already gotten as far as I pictured.

[ some place you’d like to visit? ]: Is 'not on Pride when the Exterminators come' a viable option?

L A S T . T I M E

[ last time you went out of state? ]: 1955 when I fell down here, because even counting Pride, I've never left.

[ last time you were outside? ]: Uh... three days? Most things just require going up and down the building.

[ last time you had a snowball fight? ]: I don't even know. Some time before I moved to New York.

[ last time you were listening to music? ]: [Pans back to the song still playing].

O T H E R

[ how many people would you say are good friends of yours? ]: "Four," ("Three,") Yes, thank you Hellaina, I do know your opinion on Val.

[ what hurts the most, physical or emotional pain? ]: What idiot says physical? That can be great in the right circumstance. ("Is the right circumstance after winning a fight with the Radio Demon?") Oh yeah, for sure.

[ have you felt this recently? ]: Of course not. Believe me.

[ what do you wear to bed? ]: Sweatpants.

[ when’s the last time you slept with a stuffed animal? ]: Oh fuck that was a long time ago. I was… 7 maybe? 8?

 have you ever used a ouija board? ]: Once in university.

[ how many rings before you pick up the phone? ]: That is entirely dependent on who is calling. Velvette I tend to pick up quickly, unhappy directors go to voicemail.

[cxncordia]

Teen Wolf : The Movie and Wolf Pack.

I’m too old for this shit.

That’s it. That’s the review.

No, but in all honesty, if I have to be absolutely honest here: the movie isn’t bad. But it is passé. Maybe 10 years ago it would have been relevant, but today it just feels old.

Teen Wolf relied on two things: the ability to connect to kids by presenting their “reality” in the screen and the ability to connect to what they wished they were. In a way, Jeff Davis alliance with Sarah Michelle Gellar for Wolf Pack makes sense, because in Teen Wolf, Davis was following the formula that made Buffy so perfect: metaphorize the inner turmoil of growing up as supernatural fears. But it differed from the Buffy formula by making everyone special and distinct. That way the thing that you are afraid is also the thing that empowers you, a social discourse that we needed back in the 10s when the push for social equality and justice was more than needed.

But in a world post-Euphoria, what can you possibly show that makes us not cynical?

Because that is the problem. Series like Élite and Euphoria (and to a muuuuuch lesser degree Riverdale) show how fragile and dark are teenagers nowadays. Or maybe we have always been like that but our 90s cynism, the 00s hopeful future and the 10s desire for perfection never really let us be as authentic as we were. A thing that Gen Z is actually doing right.

And that is the problem. Scott’s story is irrelevant, the characters are struggling and yet, we never see them suffer that struggle. Which makes their plight feel un-interesting and boring. Again, a glamorized version of how we are meant to deal with our pain.

In that regard, it’s one of the things that I praised Rosewell, New Mexico and that not very few managed to understand. It really showed what we as young adults/adults have to deal with when we go through a pressured adolescence, the traumas we deal with, the fears that have sunk so deep and the disenchantment with the dream that everything was going to make sense when we were adults. All weaved through a tale of alienism that Teen Wolf seem to just... not be aware of it. Or even care about it. And that had the potential.

It is also very... clumsy on it’s execution. There are scenes that are missing and you can tell and then there are unused Chekov’s guns. So what use had all the silver that Parrish and Malia brought? Where was Malia’s tomahawk in the final battle? Why Jackson keeps talking about his claws and tails and never once turns? So, Liam and his best friend are not friends at all anymore or why do they act like they are complete strangers? It conveniently forgets it’s own lore when it’s needed (like the fact that Scott could potentially gave Allyson all of her memories back or that the freaking Kanima was bullet proof). I’ll give them that the main antagonist is a good call back, though not one surprising. (The second they said that they used chemical accelerant for a series of fires provoked I knew who was the mysterious man... though again, it makes no sense.)

And my final complain: they had to get rid of Derek. Just because.

One of the few great things of your saga and you shit on it.

I will admit that while Derek as a character had it’s flaws during TW’s run, looking at the whole arch, it made sense. He is a man who was raised into the idea of toxic masculinity. He represented the Gen X that we knew and the one that we didn’t want to turn into. Little by little, Derek realizes of his short comings and that anger is not a solution to everything. He develops other emotions and seeing him being a caring dad it’s the cherry on top: he made it! He pushed back against the idea that your nature defines you (a good discourse to have in the era where we are challenging gender stereotypes and finding new masculinities) and pulled out of the whole idea that men can only feel anger. Only to be unnecessarily killed in the end: if the Nogitsune needed to be held for Parrish to burn him, he could always push him down he’s a cop, he certainly knows how to restrain him. If the problem is that he could run they all had guns and knives to cut his limbs or damage them. Like, honestly... why did we need to have Derek there?

So, yeah... two hours of a large episode of Teen Wolf that was... meh if I want to feel generous.

And don’t get me started on Wolf Pack which is a thing that is boring and... absolute garbage. One complete hour where the plot advances so insignificantly and redundantly that it’s boring. With a cinematography that is mid at best and a cast of of actors who are more worried about looking god than actually acting. I’m sorry SMG, I freaking love you but... Ringer had more potential than this (because all the intrigue and drama could have served well in the original GG era) and you cut it’s throat. Hope you do the same for this one.

So, in general, there you have it. I would not recommend watching.

[moonbaby26]

@tuquidflamingo I feel like Tsuru is who I would literally be if I was really in One Piece. I’m in my 30’s, so by Tumblr standards I am “old” already 😅. No wrinkles yet, but me and her look similar in face and build. Just add a grey wig and a bit of a scowl, I could totally pull off a Tsuru cosplay! One day I’d love to. I have never cosplayed before because I have no one to go with. But I’m hoping at some point I’ll say eff it and do all these fun things anyway. At least the older I get, the more accurate the likeness will become! 🤣

I feel a little guilty sometimes in that new One Piece fans may see the Doffy/Tsuru stuff I post, then be disappointed when they get to her in canon and find it’s mostly crumbs of what backstory we get of the two of them. But I really feel the connection of Doffy/Tsuru and Rosi/Sengoku is meant to be mirrored. As well as it’s no coincidence that the very first time we are introduced to her, she’s calling Doflamingo out with zero fear (and much to his delight) at the warlord meeting. The TRAVESTY is that this interaction is cut from the anime. I’m hoping it gets put back in the remake.

But then when we get to Dressrosa to finally learn the backstory of Doflamingo, she’s in it. She has chased this bastard from day one. Her boat just keeps showing up for him. And he’s afraid of her! Tsuru’s home sea is also the North Blue. And they have the same blood type. Irrelevant to the story right now, but just more little choices that I think put them on the same wavelength.

The thing that cements it for me though is her coming immediately to Dressrosa when things started going sideways for him. I like to think Fujitora only beat her and Sengoku there because Fujitora was closer somehow. But for Oda to first introduce Tsuru in panels where she is talking to Doflamingo, then show her again as a constant presence during Doffy’s rise as a young pirate, and then bookend it with her being the one to sit with him and talk freely together after he’s fallen…

That’s intentional to me. Their stories are tied together from beginning to end. No other reason narratively for it to always be her when we have tons of other notable, named marines.

I hope, hope, hope that we get to see them together again though. I would faint and die if in some final war situation Doflamingo did something chivalrous to protect her on the battlefield, or was just clearly happy to see her again. I really think he has a soft spot for her.

You battle/chase someone long enough, you can’t help but get to know one another well. Sorry for typing so much, clearly I am passionate about them! 🥰

The crane and the flamingo. One Piece card game art. My favorite marine mom and her brat problem child. 💕

(top right is from @bisaiiiii on X)

[bukojuiice]

— genshin boys as your college roommates who are head over heels in love with you

ೃ ft. childe, diluc, kaeya, zhongli, and xiao x gn! reader

ೃ 400-600 words per character!  ♡

ೃ warnings: mention of alcohol drinking ( but aside from that, just lots and lots of fluff!)

ೃ this is my very first writing contribution to the genshin fandom, so i hope everyone likes it!  after 5 months of playing genshin, i think it’s safe to say my brainrot for it has finally consumed me and i’m confident enough to brew something up! <3

ೃ genshin impact masterlist 

ೃ if you want to be a part of my taglist, answer this form! ♡

CHILDE:

– You and Childe are the perfect embodiment of the best friends to roommates trope. Whenever you wanna sleep in for 5 minutes more and you’re about to run late for your first class, Childe never fails to slowly drag you out of your bed, laughing as he does so. “Wake up sunshine!” is the first thing you always hear in the morning and you don’t complain if you get to hear his smexy voice anyway. He is a confident flirt and is not afraid to show you how much he cares or how much he pines over you. 

–  He’s always always there to save the day. There was a time when your classmates stood you up on the group project you were making, and guess who comes up to you with glitter, glue, and colored paper? Childe, of course! He stayed up until the wee hours of the night with you just so he can help you finish it. He even promises to set things in a “very civil way” with your absolute jerk groupmates the very next day. You practically hang out with him 24/7 as most of the time he just barges in your shared apartment with some amusement park tickets on hand or to some expensive yoga or judo class. There’s never a dull moment with him and with each passing day, the more you fall harder for him.

–  After a morning jog with him and seeing cute little dogs frolicking around with their married owners, Childe suddenly had the urge to adopt a dog with you.  But, due to a no pets rules established by the landlord, the two of you opt to owning hamsters instead! Childe named his hamster, narwhal (after his favorite animal of course!) whereas you named yours bunny, to match his irrelevant pet name picking. your hamsters both share the same house/cage and even they are pining over each other.

  –  His siblings visit a lot, especially Teucer. At this point, there was never a day the little boy didn’t ask when are you and Childe going to finally become “playground playmates” (a term for lovers that they use in second grade apparently) since the two of you are living with each other and seem so close. Childe is always able to successfully change the topic and shift away from talking about the shared feelings that the both of you have for each other. But, alas, the day had finally came to be and during your monthly trip to the amusement park, Childe confidently confesses to you on top of the ferris wheel.

“So... everyone in my life knows that you’re my best friend. Yea, that’s pretty cool and all but... Can we be more than just that (Y/N)? Is there hope if I think there could be something between us?”

DILUC:

– Diluc is your posh and rich roommate who sounds and looks too good to be true. The fact that you’re roomies with the literal heir to the country’s biggest wine and beverage company sounds like something straight out of a fanfic. But, it was of his volition to decide to live in a penthouse near Teyvat University. It was the doings of his step-brother Kaeya who tricked him into getting a roommate so that he won’t be alone for the rest of his college years... aaand that’s where you come in. practically barged into his life, but, you were a blessing. an angel sent from the skies.

–  He’s quite cold and unapproachable at first, only greeting you whenever he sees you but never bothered to engage in small talk with you. Even if the both of you go to the same university. It wasn’t until your second month as roommates, when you accidentally had too much to drink after a friends’ night out. You come home to see him in the living room, drinking grape juice from a wine glass, and watching a rerun of Hannah Montana. You practically collapse at the front door, he rushes to you and helps you up as you drunkenly confess to him in tears how you wanted to become much closer to him especially since the  two of you are going to spend the rest of your college years together. That was when Diluc realized how distant and aloof he’s been and vows to make it up to you.

– Diluc is very talented. Albeit in very discreet way, he makes sure to make use of his talents especially if it’s an opportunity to make memories with you. He is an amazing cook as much as he tries to deny it, He’s a secret virtuoso caught in 4k when you impulsively bought a guitar one time and you asked if he knows how to play, and he does so well. He practically serenades you in the most non-obvious way possible. Lastly, He’s very athletic. You invited him to play tennis one time, betting that if he won, you would do his bidding for the rest of the week. Before you could even blink, he wins. His “punishment” for you was that you accompany him in binge-watching TV Dramas. Grey’s Anatomy and Downtown Abby are just some of the shows the two of you would watch. It is absolutely adorable seeing him so invested in these dramas. and since the next on Diluc’s list were sit-coms, you were preparing yourself to answer his questions on the context of jokes that he didn’t get. In a poor attempt to flirt with you, he calls out your name and recites in the most Joey Tribbiani voice he could muster, “How you doin?” You were laughing so so hard that night because his pick up line actually worked on you and suddenly your realizations came full circle: you were very much in love with him too.

–  His naturally cool yet shy nature had always gotten the best of him.  He’s always wanted to ask if you wanted to carpool with him to school. Riding with him in his Tesla sportscar that goes 150 Mph? Heck yeah. However, it took quite a while before he could muster up the courage to ask you (4 months of being roommates until he finally popped the question) Since then, the two of you go home to and from University whenever you had similar schedules. Ever since then, Diluc had began to soften. His cold and hard facade slowly melted. Asking if you could help tie his floofy red hair then he’d let you play with it and let you style it in different ways. He takes you out on café dates during lunch breaks and take you out to watch a movie after both of your late night lectures. Everyone in campus thinks the two of you are practically together at this point. All that was left was to bare your feelings with one another through a fumbling and awkward confession.

“Words cannot not suffice these feelings I’ve been harboring for you since the very beginning. I L-like you a lot. Do you feel the same way too?”

KAEYA:

- Everyone loves Kaeya. Your friends and family, The School Faculty, The owner of the Convenience Store from down the street, The old lady who lives next door, The little kids from down the hall, and even the angry brown poodles from the farthest apartment to your right absolutely loved him. it was hard to keep up with having a roommate that not only were you crushing so hard on, but also had such a vibrant social life. Kaeya interacts and socializes with a lot of people and he admits that it does tend to get tiring at times. But, if these sacrifices lead to coming home to his cute roommate who has captivated his heart since Day 1, then it’s all worth it.

— Despite how warm and friendly he may seem, Kaeya is a very private person. He’s brought two or three friends like Jean, Lisa, Albedo, or Rosaria. But, only to discuss school affairs. He wasn’t the kind of person who trusts others easily, even if he was giving off the impression that he was a trustworthy and reliable person himself. He’d much rather spend time with you on days off from school. He may be a party guy on the outside (he insists he does it for future connections when he graduates) but he’s quite a homebody. Kaeya is the type to watch korean dramas and anime with you, go on late night convenience store cravings, and these always resulted in a perfect evening spent with him. When the both of you are fully immersed into the anime and things get a bit cozy, you rest your head on his shoulder, huddling for warmth.

— Kaeya would always come home with a little something for you. May it be take-out food, A trinket, a board game, an accessory, and even skincare products. The indigo-haired man is very particular about self-care and you bet that he’s bought different kinds of face masks, ointments, and even matching cute headbands just for the two of you! He’s very flamboyant and flirts with you a lot. Trying to impress you with pick up lines and suggestive jokes, but you always thought that he was just joking around because that was always a part of his personality. It was always a part of him. For Kaeya on the other hand, it seems to him that you don’t take him seriously and it's possible that you don’t return his feelings at all. He had to set things straight and it didn’t take long until Kaeya found the perfect opportunity to do so.

— With the help of practically everyone in the apartment, Kaeya is about to surprise you with a candle-lit dinner up on the apartment rooftop. His sly smooth-talking quickly convinced you that the both of you were just going to go out on your nightly convenience store trips. Your curiosity grows when he takes you by the hand, covering you with a blindfold, and whispering to your ear, “Do you trust me?” Gripping onto his hand tightly, the both of you go up some stairs and you reply, “Yes Kaeya, I do.” He slowly uncovers the shield from your eyes and your eyes sparkle at the sight of the candle-lit dinner, complete with jazz music, and a romantic view of the city.

“(Y/N)... You are the most precious person to me. I hope you can take me seriously, especially my feelings. I am saying this with my heart in my hand and with nothing but genuine love in my soul.”

ZHONGLI:

— Zhongli is truly husband material. You’re saying this as his friend, as his roommate, and as someone who’s absolutely smitten over him. He’s a third year environmental archaeology student at Teyvat University. Gentle, kind, and has nothing but wise and intelligent things to say. your lovestruck self can’t help but just admire him from afar, not knowing that he too has been entranced by you ever since you moved in.

—He's always the first to wake up in the morning. The first thing he does is make you a cup of coffee. He's got your favorite memorized, (Coffee with cream. Not to sweet and not too bitter.) The both of you own matching mugs, (written in colored scribbled letters, “The Wise Roommate” for Zhongli and “The Cute Roommate” for you.) He always wants to spend his free mornings with you. Both of you have different schedules so you never see each other at Campus and this was the only blissful time of the day you can spend with one another. Once you get home for dinner, (Zhongli is always the first to get home if he doesn’t stay too long at the library or strolling around the city) If it’s your turn to cook or if it’s his, he never forgets to brew you oolong tea after dinner. A perfect chance for the two of you to just talk the night away and engage in deep and meaningful conversations.

—Zhongli fell in love with you because you just quietly listen to him. Sometimes, you would share your thoughts and insights, even sharing your own personal knowledge that Zhongli had not known prior. You were one of the very few people in his life whom he could talk about absolutely anything with. Well, who wouldn’t listen to a handsome man who has a voice as smooth as butter? He is very passionate about his studies. Taking a lot of extra courses and spending a lot of money on his research. and so, most of the time, he spends all of his Mora on his extra studies (excluding the money he needs to pay for rent) and other interesting antiques. You understood why though. So, instead, you ask him to accompany you to do mundane chores. Going grocery shopping, doing the laundry and cleaning the apartment. He always helps in any way he can. The prying eyes of people around you and the old lady fr next door boldly coming up to you to ask if you and Zhongli were a married couple. You blush profusely whereas Zhongli coolly denies the woman's claims. It hurt quite a little but who were you to complain?

— It was during one of your night strolls with Zhongli. He had invited you out after dinner under the guise of wanting to have some fresh air and find a clear spot for the fireworks from a nearby festival. Your heart was thumping loudly to a non-existent rhythm, blissfully unaware that Zhongli was feeling a burst in his chest too. He clears his throat and his shoulders straighten. Zhongli puts his hand on your shoulder and breathes deeply. His cool and gentlemanly aura still radiating off of him as always. A wonderful array of colors fill the sky as his lips began to form the words he's always wanted to say:

"Tonight is beautiful isn't it? I thought that this would be the perfect time to open my heart up to you... You are a diamond in the rough that few see the beauty of. My beloved– Will you accept my feelings?

XIAO:

—  Having a popular twitch streamer as your roommate was a one in a million chance. Especially if you’re not even an influencer or internet figure yourself. But, how did this come to be? Why have you developed a crush on Xiao aka VigilantYaksha without knowing who he was? A gamer with over 6 million followers on different social media platforms? Simple, a high-end apartment near Teyvat University had a special discount if you were willing to be roommates with someone. It’s an amazing deal, near your school, cost-efficient, and you believed the 10% chance of scoring a hot roommate as seen on reality TV and romantic comedies. It was like rolling through a Gacha Game and getting a 5 star character. As that “character” is soon to be revealed as Xiao.

— Things started off rocky at first. On your first day, he flatly welcomed you by the door, introduced himself, then quickly retreated back to his room. As soon as you locked eyes with him, he gave off a certain cold and unfriendly aura. You wanted to get to know him better. Maybe with a little love and care, he could open up to you and you could become friends! That same day, you had mistakenly thought of your room as his and you walked in on him streaming a horror game. He wasn’t spooked by the jumpscares. But instead, he was looking at you in horror because you’ve just exposed yourself to thousands of people. You wave at the camera, apologize, and left. Since then, his fans, (called the Anemo Tofus) have been shipping the two of you together. Creating fanfiction and fanart of Xiao and the mysterious roommate that accidentally walked in on him. They practically begged Xiao to at least talk a little bit about you, to which, he declined. When you surprised him with dinner (as a little treat since this was your first week with him) He sits across the table from you, his eyes gazing deep into yours, as he pops the question, in a very tsundere tone: “Would you like to appear in my streams? T-the Anemo Tofus wanna learn more about you. B-but, if you don’t want to, it’s alright! You don’t have to-” You cut him off before he could continue his doubts, “Xiao! What are you saying? I’d love to!”

  —  There was something blossoming between the two of you after that particular dinner with him. Starting with your first “roommate video” that you had thought of when you were brainstorming for video ideas. It was an Almond and Mapo Tofu mukbang whilst the two of you answered questions from fans! The viewers noticed how visibly comfortable he was around you despite his usual reserved attitude. He was cracking up a lot more sarcastic and self-deprecating jokes whilst Tofu filled both of your mouths. Outside of the confines of social media and inside the comfortable space that was your apartment, you and Xiao grew closer. Wearing matching hoodies, going on midnight snack runs, playing in arcades, and stargazing with him up on the rooftop as you contemplate about life and talk about the mysteries of the universe. There were times when you would stay up late doing school works and would accidentally fall asleep on the sofa. Xiao would come out of room because he periodically had cases of insomnia. When he sees you on the sofa, he can’t help but smile at your sleeping figure and admire your beauty. First. he brings all your clutter back to your room then slowly picks you up from the couch, into his arms, and brings you back to your room. He places a blanket on top of you and your stuffed plushies next to you so you can hug them any time. 

— On a particular night, you fell asleep on the sofa once again and begun to  have recurring nightmares. Xiao was there to witness you whimpering, muttering to yourself, and shivering to a mental image that he could not see. (He wishes he could erase all the pain that these nightmares were giving you) You subconsciously grab onto his hand, murmuring to yourself: “Xiao, please don’t go.” He whispers back, “I won’t.” Your nerves slowly relax when you feel the Yaksha squeezing himself to lie next to you on the couch. Holding onto your arm, he continues to reassure you that it was going to be okay. You grab onto him, hugging him from behind. He feels your heartbeat revert back to it’s normal pace and you return back to your peaceful slumber. “I’ll always be here for you, (Y/N). I’ll be here to protect you. Forever and always.”  Turning to you to plant a kiss on your forehead, you nestle your head on Xiao’s chest. He watches as you cling to him for love and warmth until he is slowly whisked away by his weariness, rewarded with a peaceful sleep he hasn’t felt in a while.

“And they were roommates.”

[aggressive-positivity-network]

i love your debate style so much cause people will say the dumbest shit and complete misrepresent trans rights and you'll just be like "oh of course not! here's a well reasoned counter :) also would you like to hear about this lighthearted but irrelevant thing" your url is completely correct and you are braver than any cop

And it works!

That’s the great thing about it!

If you treat every argument like a formal debate, TERFs shrink from it like a vampire from the sun. They aren’t used to people being so willing to calmly write a rebuttal and treat them like you’re both in a real debate. Without emotion and insults, whatever argument they are using falls apart - and the more detail you make them go into, the more they squirm.

Ask for sources. Ask for articles. Ask for clarification.

Take everything literally.

Show them that you aren’t angry, because why would you be? This is just a friendly debate, right? We’re just doing this over the benefit of knowledge.

I’ve gotten asks and comments that people either don’t respond to when I give them this treatment, or they get mad and block me, telling me that I’m too stupid to have this argument anyway. Okay! Take something from the prize box on your way out!

It’s been two days and I’m already scraping the bottom of the barrel of hate anons. No new ones are coming up, and if they do, it’s what usually amounts to a pitiful mew for attention. I’m imagining a toddler stomping their feet and whining, on the verge of throwing a fit.

“Why aren’t you maaaaaad? Pay attention to meeeeee! Why aren’t you doing anythiiiiiiiiiing? WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

I think I’m really taking a chunk out of them, and I couldn’t be happier. If you want, try using the same tactics! Here’s the steps, just in case you want to practice before you have your own tantruming child in your inbox:

How To Tick Off A TERF

1. Get the ask! Or the comment, post, or reblog. Take a good, hard look at it. Make sure you understand everything that the TERF is trying to say. This also keeps you from going in guns blazing when there’s really no need to respond at all. I’ve lost plenty of debates because I didn’t read everything clearly.

2. Take a deep breath. Maybe more than one, if you need. The best way to tick a TERF off is to not be pissed yourself. No matter how stupid they are being, remember that this is like a school debate, and they’ve pitted you against what amounts to a twelve year old child. Take a walk. Think about your response while making lunch. Sleep on it. Let your brain marinate in it. Don’t answer until you are completely calm. Remember not to take this personally, even if you know someone who is trans or you are trans. Anger is not how you win this battle, I promise.

3. Kill with kindness. When you start writing your response, put yourself in the mindset of a kind, child-like entity that’s just excited about learning together with someone. It sounds super weird, but that’s how I do it. Pretend that the argument you received has merit and weight, but don’t trick yourself into thinking that it has any bearing on anything. Don’t use insulting or emotional language. It may feel good to let off steam, but it doesn’t prove your point in the long run.

4. State your case. Write your rebuttal in a clear, well-worded way. Stay away from long metaphors or examples - they’ll just get more confused and angry. If you can, include articles, statistics, and sources for all your information, if you can find them. Keep going back to the TERFs argument to make sure you don’t miss anything. Try to predict any obvious arguments they may make and prepare for them. Read it once more before sending.

5. Let you phone boil. What I mean by this is to leave your phone somewhere for a while while your post/message circulates. This not only rests your brain, but it keeps you from anxiously waiting for the TERF to respond. Turn your notifications off. Relax. You did good.

6. Repeat. This person may send you several messages, and may reblog several times. Make sure to follow the steps each time you make your next rebuttal.

7. Use positive language and reinforcement. Like I said, the best way deescalate is to be as formal, put-together, and kind as possible. Treat them like a very misguided child - because that’s truly what they are sometimes. And this also brings up the possibility to younger TERF members that maybe the trans community isn’t so bad (like they had been taught to believe), and that maybe they shouldn’t be afraid of us. We aren’t dangerous. We just want to support the people who don’t get a whole lot of support. Bring up a happy memory. Include a picture of something cute. Make a cute little scenario (my favorite is the prize box). This will either lower their anger or heighten it to a rage, where their true intentions come to light and they lose the debate.

8. Have fun! Really, have fun. Misinformation is bad, but you can’t convince someone who won’t listen. Just treat it as a game, because that’s all it is to you. Unlike the TERF community, you have better things to do than argue with people on the internet. Put your own spins on it! Support people who choose to change! Ignore people who don’t! In other words, take the piss out of people who are full of it.

I hope this helps, my friend! This will probably get a lot more hate anons, so feel free to stick around for the show.

I’m anxiously waiting for the first KYS. Feel free to place bets on when that’s going to happen. I’m saying before the next ten asks. Any takers?

[ziltoidcoffee]

Would Terry ask Mr. Miyagi's permission to marry Daniel? Would the first time they interact since kk3 be as awkward as I think it would be

(A+ prompt. I love this idea so much. 💙 Idk if below is what you wanted, but I was trying to think of how Terry would without being deceitful again.)

When Terry arrives at Little Trees, the store is still open despite the late hour. The doors are still wide open, inviting customers inside, and the old man is still at work, rearranging a group of pots near the window. His head is tipped down, focused on what he’s doing, and Terry wonders briefly if he will have to make noise to get his attention. But then Mr. Miyagi looks up from his collection of bonsai to gaze at Terry from across the room.

There’s no shock in his eyes, offering only a black, unreadable stare, and Terry thinks for a minute that the old man has forgotten him. He is rather old after all. Maybe he’s already senile. Then Mr. Miyagi tells him, “Daniel-san not here. Out with friends,” and his voice is as calm and collected as ever.

“I know,” Terry responds because he always knows where Daniel is. He hasn't let the boy out of his sight since they first met. Even after he betrayed him, before they got together, Terry still had someone follow him around.

It was initially because he was looking for Daniel’s weakness, some way to get back at him, but then his monitoring became watching and looking out for him. And maybe he was also a little paranoid. But anyone in his position would be afraid of someone stealing Daniel away. The kid was too perfect, too good for him. Still, Terry was selfish. He wanted him all for himself, whether he deserved Daniel or not.

He’d make that clear today with Mr. Miyagi. It’s the entire reason for his visit. Not that his answer even matters. Terry would do whatever he wanted anyway. He just knows Daniel would appreciate his asking, and there’s nothing better than a pleased boyfriend—soon-to-be fiance. Plus, Terry needs to know if he should prepare for battle. Mr. Miyagi took down John once. He is a formidable opponent, and no good soldier attacks without first knowing what’s on the other side. Daniel is worth fighting for, after all.

“Then why here?” Mr. Miyagi asks as he moves across the store, and there’s not even an ounce of concern in his stride.

Terry at least thought the old man would question his presence, considering the last time they saw each other. He doubts Mr. Miyagi approves of their relationship despite Daniel’s assurance that he doesn't care.

“I’m here to speak with you, alone,” Terry explains. “About Daniel.”

Mr. Miyagi finally shows some emotion, his eyebrows rising. “Daniel-san okay?”

Terry nods. “He’s fine,” he says; then after a pause, “More than. We are very happy.”

“I know,” Mr. Miyagi echoes his words back to him, and Terry is a little smug.

Daniel is such a chatterbox. He probably brags about Terry all day. It’s only fair when he has to listen to Daniel talk about Mr. Miyagi. Sometimes he even gets a little jealous of how often the old man comes up. But Terry gets to kiss those lips shut, and that’s worth enduring some ranting.

“Good. Then you should know I plan to stick around for a long time,” Terry tells him with a shrug, acting like he doesn’t care what the old man thinks.

But he feels his lips tug up in a smile when Mr. Miyagi nods and says, “If that what he want.”

What Daniel wants is irrelevant, Terry wants to argue. Only because he plans to convince the boy to marry him even if he has to ask several times. At least it would be a fun challenge. But he’s almost certain Daniel will say yes. Even if it’s not legal yet, Terry’s aware of the boy’s desire for a family, and marriage is the logical first step. Kids can wait a bit. He’s not that crazy. They’re still young, or at least Daniel is.

Terry crosses his arms over his chest. “Then you approve?” he asks.

Mr. Miyagi stares at him. “I only want Daniel-san to be happy.”

So does Terry. The old man is missing the point. “And if marriage makes him happy?” he asks.

A heartbeat of silence passes, and Terry’s heart pounds in his chest, something he wishes he could stifle. But his body can’t ignore his subconscious need for Mr. Miyagi’s approval. He doesn’t care what the old man thinks, but Daniel would likely never marry him if his “best friend” disapproves.

Finally, with a sigh, Mr. Miyagi picks up a bonsai in a blue wooden box and walks around the counter to hold the plant out to him. “If Terry-san makes Daniel-san happy, then Mr. Miyagi approve.”

Terry can't help but go still, shocked by the turn of events. But finally, he declares, "I will," and accepts the plant.

Mr. Miyagi smiles. "No tell Daniel-san you here."

Terry grins back. Maybe the old man is an ally and not the enemy he feared.

[thisdreamplace]

I know the principles of the law and I’ve been manifesting my sp who I was with for 4 years but at this point in my journey I feel grossed out by him and his behavior in the 3d. It’s difficult to generate any good feelings about him with the way he’s behaving. I know in times like this it’s when you have to really persist. But right now I’m like do i even want him anymore, how could i continue liking him when he’s like this. But i also cannot/will not let go because I’ve gotten so far in my journey and i know who he is right now is my creation. I guess I could use some kind words because i can’t really talk to anyone about this. I keep reminding myself that God is real and is working miracles for me behind the scenes but I’m also just disgusted with what I saw. I know very well that this incident is probably part of the bridge since I’ve already been affirming heavily for a specific aspect of my sp and then I immediately see the opposite. Probably just the old story clearing out. Still hurts tho.

On the bright side i know my self concept has improved because in the past, i would’ve probably been spiraling right now but I’m actually weirdly calm. I’m also more accepting of the idea of life without him.

I’m simultaneously amazed and horrified that i created this version of him over the course of four years. I just cant let things stay the way they are because i know he’s so much better than this. It just hurts. 🥲😔🥴😓

okay i want to begin with words of love and encouragement bc you mentioned it <3

feel it. feel the pain. it’s okay, it’s always the right thing to do even when it feels so scary. confront it and release it, free yourself. i don’t know what your sp is out there doing. but i wanna say that there’s nothing wrong with wanting him anyway. idc what the world or your ego may make you feel like at times, your feelings are valid and so are your desires. they’re absolutely beautiful ane full of true love. like you said, thinking of your godself working miracles is the attitude to have. plus, if our desires are a promise and our godself sees the way even when we don’t, then know that even this craziness is perfect. it is. you deserve exactly what you want to experience. do not be afraid.

now for some advice <3

something i feel inclined to mention is in regards to this issue with your sp specifically. when i get asks, i usually don’t really dive into the circumstances because what’s happening outside of us is irrelevant. but i want to offer you another perspective. if it doesn’t resonate — you don’t have to take it ofc. but i want to mention this bc you’re feeling very off put by him. but what if you truly accepted him as your mirror ? not as “someone you created” bc actually… you’re not “creating” anything. you’re just experiencing yourself. this is what makes manifestation effortless. truth is, this isn’t the true him. at all. it’s a part of you that he’s mirroring. i say this to encourage you to let go of your judgement. you’re only judging yourself. and what we judge in this way, we often prolong the experience of. i think with sp manifestations they often hit deeper than mainstream info leads us to believe. and so i think it’s important to just breathe. and allow. and make peace with the entire situation. realizing how it’s only you being shown to yourself.

so yeah, there’s no point competing with resistance. the more you resist the more you breathe life into it. plus, you’re questioning him but really, it’s showing the wavering in yourself. do you want him ? yes or no ? i think your following sentence does yourself justice, because you’re right. all that matters is you and what you want, not these circumstances. because you’re only ever experiencing yourself. this of course isn’t done by outer force, but by changing your inner self. you’re obviously a bit too concerned with him ‘out there’ — when really the only thing that matters is what is happening within you.

i think that realizing the god within is unconditional love could help so much with your situation right now. you’ll extend that love to him and more importantly to yourself, and all the judgments will begin to fade. and love will shine through. and it’s such a beautiful feeling to choose love even when the world shows you otherwise. you deserve that lovely experience. <3

anyways, i hope this helps. let him be for now, and focus fully on changing self. even though it’s dark right now, remember that YOU are the light. YOU are the way. 🌤💙

[danielxricciardo]

Hi love the writing! Could you do something angsty around 26 or 35 with max??

Summary: You found out Max cheated on you

Warnings: angst, swearing

Word count: 2.5k

26. “Those things you said yesterday, did you mean them?”

35. “What will you do if we break up?”

'Max is looking at you' you read what your best friend Anthony, an engineer at Red Bull Racing, wrote.

And you worked at Red Bull Racing too, you decided with Max Verstappen, your boyfriend, that this is the best way for you to travel with him. You didn't have a complicated job. You dealt with filtering the negative ad on the team and then you gave it to Victoria to deal with the articles as she knew.

'Okay, let him look,' you write on the piece of paper that Anthony wrote quickly on.

You were at a meeting with all the Red Bull Racing employees, to your bad luck. Being in the same room with Max Verstappen was the last thing you wanted at the time.

Sure, your relationship was beautiful, or it had been anyway. He was whatever you wished from a man and more. He looked like a bad boy but he was the cutest and most thoughtful man you knew and he made you feel safe even when you couldn't see him.

His words still resonate in your mind and you had to make a supernatural effort not to cry.

You knew Max Verstappen loved you. He told you that every day and showed you through the gestures he made. He never gave you a reason to doubt him, and you didn't look for scandal either.

But every time you saw her, a lump appeared in your stomach. Without wanting to, you became careful around you, looking for her or Max. When you saw them talking, you looked for any excuse to go near them.

But your fear was unfounded, wasn't it? Max loved you, you were together for two years and you were fine.

But you also looked at her. She had also had a long-term relationship with Daniil Kvyat, a relationship of almost three years and they have a little girl together. There can be nothing between them.

Anthony has told you several times that Max and Kelly have been spending a lot of time together, at least lately, and you said you weren't worried. Why would you be?

But last night all your worries and fears came upon you at once. Anthony told you he saw Max leave the paddock with Kelly and didn't come back for about three hours. He didn't want to pay attention to this thing but when Anthony went to the driver to show him some sketches he noticed a small bruise on the backside of his neck.

"Really?" he tells you laughing. "How old are you to leave hickeys on your skin? Only teenagers still do that."

You felt all the color drained from your face. Hickey? You never left anything like that on his skin.

Anthony probably realized that what he said was not about you.

"Y/N... I'm so sorry..."

"It's ok," you say and smile at him even though you wanted to die at that moment. "I need a little bath, I'll be right back," you say and get up from the chair.

You started crying in the bathroom. You were disappointed, scared, disgusted, and shocked. To learn that someone you trusted unconditionally had been lying, cheating, and had developed an emotional bond with another woman behind your back was not registering in your brain.

Yes, you weren't a model, you didn't look like one, but Max always told you that you were perfect and that no other woman compares to you.

You literally could not wrap your head around what was happening...

You hoped that your darkest thoughts would never come true, but they did. Max and Kelly. Together. Behind your back.

It feels like every nerve in your body has either frozen or left your vessel completely. Your body literally enters a state of shock; adrenaline. You are absolutely stripped. Vulnerability. Disbelief. Disgust. Horror. Anger. Confusion. Shattering, crippling, traumatizing heartbreak.

Trust, honesty, and respect are necessary for a relationship, and Max just shattered all three at once. You have been the victim of an emotional crime. You ask yourself, how could this person fuck me over like this?

I trusted them.

I loved them.

I was loyal to them.

I kept my end of the fucking bargain.

How could you emotionally manipulate me?

What was I lacking?

Am I the problem?

Truly sickening, reality-twisting, mind-fucking stuff. You just couldn't believe that this was happening to you. Infidelity is something you hear about quite often, in books, movies, the media, or to other people, but not to you. This was somebody you loved with all of your heart, who told you he loved you, who had never shown the slightest inclination of dishonesty or moral transgression or disloyalty.

"Y/N, are you okay?" you heard Anthony behind the door, the fear and worry present in his voice.

"I'm fine," you say, though no one would have believed you. "I'll be there in a moment."

You splashed some water on your face, looked in the mirror, and bit your lip. You looked like hell. The eyes were red, the small veins that irrigated the eyeballs were broken, the face was red, in a combination between the violent crying crisis and the anger you had.

What were you going to do? Will you pretend you didn't know anything? Will you tell him you knew? Were you going to break up with him or were you going to wait for him to break up with you to be with Kelly?

You finally came out of the bathroom and Anthony was waiting for you at the door. He hugged you tight and assured you that everything would be fine. But he had no way of knowing that. It was nothing more than his simple hope that his best friend would not lose her fucking mind.

The phone starts ringing. Anthony lets you go and he goes to see who's calling you. He gives you a worried look. You immediately realized that it was Max who was calling you. Tears began to flow down your cheeks again and Anthony took your reaction as an invitation for him to answer the phone.

"Hey, man," he replies, and you don't hear what Max is saying. "No, she went for a coffee and left her phone on the table. Okay, I'll tell her. Okay, bye."

You approach him after he's finished the call to make sure you don't hear Max's voice.

"He said to go to his room."

"I don't want to see him."

"I realized that. Let's go, we'll deal with this problem later."

You went for a walk. The fresh air calmed you down a bit, but you had all kinds of thoughts in your mind.

How many times has this happened? Did you really want to know that? You really wanted to know how many times he kissed her and then he would come to you and tell you that he loves you.

If Anthony hadn't seen the hickey, how many more times did he planned to cheat on you?

Did he love her? That would have hurt you the most, knowing that you failed to give Max the love he needed and had to look for it in the arms and bed of another woman.

"Just know that I understand your feelings. I've been through this myself." Anthony breaks the silence and you look at him. "To be cheated on, it's a feeling of helplessness and zero self-worth. You feel as if you didn't do enough for that person which is why they reached out for someone else sexually or romantically. You blame it on yourself half the time. You dig for answers in your memories to try to figure out where you went wrong, where things started to go in a different direction. You hope that it won't happen again. You hope that the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" it's just a myth. They broke your trust, how could you ever trust them again, right? You become paranoid when they go out at night or they don't answer your phone calls by the first ring. You find yourself having more down and depressed days than happy days. And a lot of questions will always replay in the back of your mind. Why? Why now? Why with them? How could this be happening to you? No matter how many times you get an answer, it won't be enough. Day after day, it'll get better but worse at the same time."

After two hours you returned to the paddock. You were immediately notified that Max was looking for you everywhere and he was worried he couldn't find you. Ironic, isn't it?

"Y/N!" you hear Max's voice.

"Do you want me to stay with you?" Anthony asks, standing in front of you to block your image of Max.

"No, it's okay. I'll handle it somehow..."

Anthony nods and leaves, staring angrily at Max.

"Hey, I was looking for you everywhere. Are you okay? Your eyes are a little red." he asks and if you didn't know better you'd think he cared.

"Let's go somewhere private."

You went to his room. You sat on his bed and thought about what you could say. You were thinking about what Anthony told you when you walked together.

Max hands you a dose of Red Bull and you take it, feeling your throat very dry.

"We need to talk," you tell him and you feel your eyes start to sting. It was not yet time to start crying.

"Okay? Is something wrong?"

"Is it true what Anthony told me?" you ask and you see that Max doesn't know what you mean; how would he know? "Is it true that you and Kelly spent some time together?"

His face went blank for a moment as he tried to understand.

"What you mean?"

You reach out your trembling hand to the collar of his polo shirt to lower it where Anthony told you it was the mark.

And Anthony was right. There was, in front of you, the hickey Kelly made on him.

Max didn't expect that. He looks at you with wide eyes and you hear his heart start beating harder. Sweat dripped down his forehead.

He looked away from you, numb. You discovered his secret. You didn't know if he was afraid of your reaction or sorry you found out his little secret.

"I didn't intend to hurt you," he says, and you realize he's telling the truth.

He had a guttural voice.

You smile at them. A broken smile that hid the primordial desire to cry and hit him with all your best.

"I don't care about your intentions. They're irrelevant. You didn't intend to hurt me? Well, you didn't intentionally try to keep me from harm either."

You don't know where you had the strength to look into his eyes and not cry. Max looks crushed. Because you found out? Because you're breaking up? Because he has to put an end to the affair with Kelly?

"How long was it actually going on before I found out?"

You see Max trying to think of an answer that doesn't affect you so much or destroy you at all.

"For less than a month," he answers.

One month? Where were you a month ago? In Spain. Did something happen there? Did you notice anything strange about him? To his behavior? No. You didn't notice anything.

Was he really that good at hiding his mistakes?

That, of course, if he considers the relationship with Kelly a mistake.

"Did you ever think of me when you were with her?"

He did not answer. You didn't even know if you wanted to know the answer to that. What would it be like to answer that he never thought of you and that his mind was soaked in serotonin that only Kelly could think of those moments?

"I never stopped loving you."

"I don't believe you loved me while you were cheating on me. Love and betrayal are incompatible. I don't feel safe with that kind of 'love.'"

"So? You're breaking up with me?" Max asks.

Although you still had so much to say, you no longer had the power. You were so mentally and physically exhausted that you just wanted to be alone and cry.

"There's nothing else to do, is there?" you say and leave his room.

Anthony was waiting for you. He noticed that you had no tears on your face and frowned.

"What happened? Did you guys make up?"

You hug Anthony hard and cry. At that moment you gave up being strong. You gave up pretending, even in front of you, that you were fine.

Fuck it, you weren't fine. You were far from fine.

You looked back at Christian Horner, who was presenting something on the video projector. You lost the whole meeting with the crew. You had no idea what was being said.

Honestly, you don't even care what they said. You only worked there because you were Max Verstappen's girlfriend. But for eighteen hours, this was no longer true. So what's stopping you from going to Christian and telling him you're resigning? What keeps you from going home and forgetting about Max, forgetting the last two years of your life and starting over?

"That's it for today, thank you very much, friends, and let's get back to work, yeah?"

Everyone gets up from their seats. Anthony draws your attention and beckons you to look at the garage door.

You could faint then and there. No one and nothing ever prepared you for the emotions you were experiencing then. Kelly Piquet was at the garage door, waiting for the meeting to end. She was staring at Max, but he was just looking at you.

"Can we talk a little?"

You nod to Anthony that you're fine and he can leave. You look at Max and you see that he doesn't look very good. He had dark circles and you're sure he didn't sleep last night either, just like you.

“Those things you said yesterday, did you mean them?” he asks, looking down at his shoes.

"Yes," you answer categorically, looking at his face, waiting for him to raise his head so you can look him in the eye.

“What will you do if we break up? You will leave here or-” you interrupt him.

"Not 'if I break up with you,' we've already gotten over it," you say and Max looks at you with wide eyes. "We already broke up last night. I'm still here because I haven't had a chance to talk to Christian yet to tell him I'm resigning."

"Are you leaving?"

"I have nothing to do here. I came to Red Bull Racing for you."

A tear runs down Max's cheek.

"What can I tell you to stay?"

"There's nothing left to say. Now go," you say and you feel a lump in your throat. "She's waiting for you."

Max turns to the garage door to see who you're talking about.

"I gave her a text message last night and told her it was all a mistake between us."

You smile at him. "Goodbye, Max," you say then you shout for Christian.