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mysticstrawberryphantom · 3 years ago

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Nightmarish Infatuation Part 5

A/N: Hello! Hope you lovelies are well! Who knew a full time job would take away so much of my time just like school did ): Fortunately, and unfortunately in some ways, I got COVID for the first time and had time to write. This is the second to last chapter. It’ll get a little intense, so I hope y’all like thrillers lol.

Warnings: Light gaslighting, manipulation, creepy yandere behavior (It is only for entertainment purposes, I do not condone this behavior).

Part 4: https://at.tumblr.com/mysticstrawberryphantom/nightmarish-infatuation-part-4/1plzrhjftfpu

Shock.

Disbelief.

Confusion.

Excitement.

A hint of offense.

Dream-like.

All those feelings hit you more than once during Dr Crane's stay at your home. More specifically, during your first kiss with him.

Or rather kisses.

That shocked you the most. For a week you didn't believe that he actually had kissed you since it had been done in such an impulsive manner. Not to mention that after kissing you he just stared at you until you said his name. To which all he responded with:

-"See you tomorrow."

His stare burned into your memory and would even surface a negative bodily response when it came to your thoughts. You wouldn't call the image of the look he gave you scary, but you also wouldn't call it comforting. Something inside you wanted to run away after seeing him look hungrily at you. It wasn't even a micro expression or feeling you picked up from physical contact. It was what you saw written all over his face clearly. His eyebrows raised, eyes half lidded, and mouth curled.

He wanted you.

The next day you couldn't even look him in the eye. After two hours of speaking to each other while you face every wall possible, Crane suggested you take a break and return to your nurse duties for the rest of the day.

It actually helped you a lot and you felt more at ease, that was until you were leaving the asylum and Crane was at the exit.

-"I just wanted to see you, and wish you a good night." His eyes burned into your skin.

You didn't need to touch him to feel his sincerity. -"Goodnight, Dr Crane."

And that charade continued for about thirteen days. Other doctors assumed you were taking a break after the Joker, you must've gotten scared, so rightfully so, you were resting.

It wasn't until Jonathan joined you for lunch and he spoke to you softly.

-"May I sit here, Miss L/N?"

-"S-Sure. It's free for anyone to take." You muttered before quickly taking a bite.

-"Miss L/N." He called out after a few minutes of silence.

-"Hmphrrph?" Your throat croaked due to your mouth being full of food.

-"You're making a mess." He responded while taking a napkin and wiping your mouth. You were eating a sandwich and some mustard had been taking a free ride in your bottom lip for the last minute.

He also nonchalantly wiped some crumbs near you off the table.

You, of course, flinched at him touching your bottom lip.

-"You could've just told me."

-"I know, and I usually don't even care." Jonathan began. -"I acted on impulse and instincts again, I apologize."

-"Again?"

-"Yes. Our kiss. I can tell that it has been bothering you greatly, I am sorry for causing this emotion based dilemma you are facing at the moment due to my advances." Adjusting his glasses, he finished. -"I will keep matters professional again, and will not seek you after work anymore. I even understand if you ask for a new mentor. I offended you, I should not have done that."

-"I, uh, wouldn't go that far. I'm not offended, and I definitely don't want to change mentors."

He leaned in, expectantly interested in what you were saying carefully.

-"Regardless - I wish you would've given me a warning or asked." You huffed while looking away so he couldn't see your embarrassed expression.

He, in turn, chuckled internally, how could've she not known he was going to kiss her after getting close in like that?

-"I just wasn't ready for that, is all. .. .. we both like each other, I simply wasn't expecting for us to do anything about it due to our work relation. I'm not sure if us changing our dynamic would be prudent."

Jonathan purred in almost a muted fashion. -"You'd prefer we forget that night and continue being work colleagues?" He purposely made his face look sad, disappointed.

-"I would, in normal circumstances, say that would be ideal. But I noticed that even though it's public knowledge, no one has changed the way they behave around us. Nor have any work interruptions, other than the ones by my hand, have occured."

Dr. Crane slid his hand so close to yours so you could feel his warmth near your skin. -"Are you-"

-"L-let's have a trial period. I'm just worried about my studies and how much it would affect them. Not to mention if we have a fight? What would happen then?"

-"Completely understandable, Ms L/N. I concur with your logical thinking." His lips slightly curled into a smile. -"I'm glad to have you be so thoughtful to counteract my impulses. I promise I will follow suit." He then longingly looked at your lips for a moment before leaning slightly forward.

Before you could protest, he spoke. -"May I kiss your cheek? Would you feel comfortable with that in this environment?"

After giving it a thought, you nodded. Dr. Crane then carefully and languidly pressed his lips on your cheek, a smile soon after being felt on the same cheek.

________________________________________________________________

It was raining.

Not really pouring.

Just raining.

Water was falling at a constant, relaxing rate. It was Sunday night and you were sitting at your kitchen island sipping on apple cider while reading a class assignment. "Reaching Down The Rabbit Hole." Unfortunately, this read was painful as it was interesting. Learning how diseases affected the patients depicted in the book caused thoughts of a sorrowful and aching past to dance in the back of your mind.

Sighing, you placed the book face down, open to the page you were on. Ever since you had started dating Jonathan, thoughts like those not only had become more frequent, but also held more power to sway your mood. Before you could easily dismiss them. But now as if you had a curse, they'd linger around you. Work, home, school. Places you frequented the most.

You got up, mildly frustrated, and walked to the window of your balcony to let your mind and eyes rest. Not that you could see much on a rainy night, but the city lights did look ethereal at times.

And then you saw something flutter in the corner of your eye. Quickly, your hand threw the balcony door open and you jumped outside.

-"Get out now!" You yelled as the other hand searched frantically and blindly for the broom you kept outside. -"Whoever you are!"

-"Ms. L/N, I don't mean to harm you. I just have questions." A very tall, dark figure with two spikes on top of his head and a cape that frapped alongside him as he showed himself.

-"Batman. " You inhaled almost silently. -"H -how long have you.."

-"Not long, just got here, and need to leave soon."

-"I won't offer you anything then." You responded professionally.

He nodded in agreement.

-"These flowers, how long have you had them?"

-"Not long.. .. why?"

-"Who gave them to you?"

-"My boyfriend, recently."

-"You've been experiencing nightmares, or intrusive thoughts, or perhaps old hurtful memories as of late. Correct?"

You nodded hesitantly.

-"Throw them away immediately. . .. Actually, can I take them?"

You hesitantly nodded.

While he picked them up, he said nothing.

-"Tell your boyfriend to change florists." He abruptly voiced loudly. -"Or break up with him."

Confused, you grimaced. Batman, upon seeing how perturbed you felt, before jumping off the roof he nodded kindly at you.

-"I'll be around if there's trouble again."

And somehow, that brought you peace.

________________________________________________________________

Monday morning after your nighttime visit with Gotham's famous vigilante seemed a little more lackluster than usual. In all honesty, these recent few weeks had been in comparison. Jonathan at first would wait for you to arrive outside of the asylum, always with a present in hand. Coffee, tea, warm hot cocoa, a pastry, flowers, a key chain, a set of pencils, etc. He'd then chastely kiss your cheek, or palm, or hand, or head. You were at work after all. He'd then always ask how you had slept and other menial things about the time you spent apart. For some reason he cared.

He wasn't just like that when he first saw you. He was like that all day. Some would say the Doctor was quite clingy. You, somehow, didn't mind. Though at times you did have to calm him down when you'd say goodbyes. He seemed to hate them, and soon, so did you. If you weren't a psychiatrist in training, you'd probably would've fallen into some type of anxiety with attachment issues. Thankfully you both were healthy professionals, of course. Everything you did together was healthy. Crane's attachment was healthy, though clingy.

Everyone is different.

He was pretty different.

And that would confuse you. You thought you knew he was thinking, but it seemed the closest you got was 50/50 even with your abilities.

These last few weeks were different and confusing.

Jonathan wasn't a clingy, excitable, puppy like boyfriend. Work suddenly had gotten intense. Research had very close deadlines now. You were second place, or less. Hated goodbyes that lasted thirty minutes now were practically non-existent. He couldn't bother to wait for you at the entrance anymore.

Yet, he'd show up with flowers, the flowers Batman took away, and smother you with affection at home. He'd then leave and at work acted like he hadn't missed you at all.

You were patient, however. Stress did that to people.

-"You're early, Y/N." Dr Crane commented cheerfully, well cheerful for him, when you walked into his office.

-"I didn't have to water the plants." You carefully said.

-"It did rain a good amount last night, hmm?"

-"More like Batman stole my flowers." You muttered.

He jumped up from his desk.

-"Batman?" His teeth chattered.

-"He told me to break up with you if you didn't find a new florist." You voiced monotonously.

Suddenly his lean arms wrapped forcefully around your shoulders and abdomen.

-”I am vastly glad you are safe.” He heaved slowly into your ear. -”D-did he do anything to you?” His voice shook in an uncharistic manner.

You placed your hands over his trembling appendages. His embrace felt needy, almost an angry jealousy. Protectiveness over someone he considered a fiend.

-”He didn’t do anything. He’s just Batman, and I’m not a criminal so-

-”I-I’ve been neglecting you recently. You were lucky last night that nothing happened. But if Batman is showing up at your residence, who else will? There’s no way I can leave you alone tonight, or the rest of these following nights at least.”

Jonathan turned you around, still embracing you. You now perceived he wanted to keep you safe, as if you were to precious to lose now. Like it would be huge waste?

-”You’ll stay at my residence tonight.” He ordered.

-”Excuse me?” You blurted out, blushing. -”I-I’m not ready to do that.” Your face looked away so quickly, you almost gave yourself whiplash.

-”No? Then I’ll come over to yours as always. I’ll leave early and pack.”

-”T-That’s not what I meant.” Your face now facing the ceiling, hoping the blood would leave your face. -”You don’t have to do that.��

-”I’m not taking any chances, Y/N.” He voiced sternly while his hands gripped your shoulders. -”Don’t worry, I’ll just stay with you until I know it’s safe.” His right handly delicately caressed your right cheek while he grinned, as if he was satisfied with the situation.

-”It’s too soon.” You mumbled, defeated.

Chuckling softly, Jonathan gripped your chin and placed a peck on your bottom lip.

-”There’s nothing to fear when you’re with me, I’m always respectful and I’ll always protect you and your feelings.” Another kiss was planted, one that clouded your judgement.

Nodding, you patted his chest and mentioned that you two should get to work.

Ironically, and most certainly tragically, his presence at home, though physically comforting, did not lessen any of the anxieties you had been feeling as of late. Instead, your resting heart rate could rival that of a machine gun. You couldn’t explain why, but those nightmares worsened. You’d wake up in cold sweat, and refuse to go back to sleep. After a couple of nights, you caved in and let Jonathan share your bed, respectfully of course. That helped a little. His embrace was like a remedy, though not one that brought full recovery, just enough that you still depended on it.

You wished it would just end.

Jonathan Crane on the other hand wanted to live with this bliss for eternity. You were finally reacting to his fear chemicals. Little by little the same heavy doses from before were having heftier consequences on your psyche. That on its own was a treat for him, however this treat soon became a feast when you began to depend on him. His months of preparation for this moment had paid off, even if it had been excruciating for him. A simple use of the push-pull technique had left you vulnerable, wondering if you were truly important to him as he would so easily profess in your presence.

It made you question reality.

You, of course, had put on this facade that you didn’t care, that you were understanding. It had all melted away once he spent time in the one place you knew to be your safety net. Now you needed him, even if you hadn’t realized it yet.

His experiment was almost complete, and soon you two would be bonded irreparably and inseparably, is such a way that any separation from him would deal a heavy blow to your psyche.

He, of course, had promised you he could never let harm come to you, so he’d always be there by your side. Dr. Jonathan Crane would be close beside you to take care of you forever.

How lucky you were to have him.

How lucky he was to have you.

He chuckled. He loved saying that in his mind. It’s because he loved you.

You were all consuming, almost as much as his research, and yet Crane was the only one being nourished from the relationship. It fed parts of him that he didn’t know were famished. Thankfully they were beginning to be satiated now.

Thankfully he had you.

And no one could take you away from him, not the Warden, not Batman, not-

-”Ladies and Maniacs, this is the Joker speaking!~” A voice shrilled through the speaker system of the asylum. -”Pardon the interruption, but I just wanted all of you to know that I’m in control of the madhouse now! It was getting boring, so I thought a little party would liven things up! It’s time us patients were able to roam these halls freely with all the lovely toys we want.”

The voice then chuckled darkly before continuing.

-”I’d hide while you have the chance.”

#Jonathan Crane #jonathan crane x reader #jonathan crane x you #scarecrow x reader #scarecrow x you #scarecrow dc #scarecrow #yandere jonathan crane #yandere #yandere x you #yandere x reader #yandere x darling

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neonacity · 4 years ago

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LUCID | NCT DREAM ‘00 LINE X READER | CH.6

LUCID DREAMS - A TYPE OF DREAM WHEREIN THE PERSON IS AWARE THAT THEY ARE CAUGHT IN A DREAM WORLD.

Summary: It was supposed to be a harmless, professional transaction. You were to tutor a group of boys, get your pay at the end of the day, and go home to your loving fiance. Kids aren’t supposed to be dangerous, right? So why, then, are you caught up in a web of madness that slowly makes you feel like you’re in a living nightmare?

NOTE:This is a yandere plot featuring NCT Dream ‘00 line which means there will be mature themes in the story as well as obsessive, toxic behavior. If you’re a minor, please refrain from interacting. If this isn’t your thing, then just scroll and skip. In no way am I condoning anything written here— this is not love, this is obsession—nor do I think that any of the people mentioned here will act any way like in this story. This is purely a work of fiction.

Genre: yandere, horror, suspense

TW: abuse, obsessive behavior, toxic relationships, suggestive scenes, stalking, possible kidnapping, mental health. Age gap–though nothing dramatic. Everyone is of legal age, drugs, slight smut for this chapter but nothing graphic, questionable consent (?) I guess? Creepy, creepy, creepy! This will be updated as the story goes along.

CHAPTER 1 | CHAPTER 2 | CHAPTER 3 | CHAPTER 4 | CHAPTER 5

“EVERYONE HAS A DARKER NATURE. EVERYONE. GOOD MEN FEAR IT, AND EVIL MEN EMBRACE IT.” - JAMES ISLINGTON

The silent hum of the air conditioning filled the space like a foreboding chant. Nothing else but the sound of the hospital machinery and random noises outside pierced the stillness of the room as you stared, unseeing, at the green and orange numbers that blinked on the monitor above the bed.

You barely have any recollection of how you managed to find yourself in the hospital, but you do remember brief memories of Taeyong picking you up from the floor you found yourself crumpled on after you got the call. You remember seeing Jaehyun's parents at a brightly lit corridor and his mother pulling you into a hug as she broke down and his father telling you how his son hasn't woken up since he was brought to the emergency room.

You remember your heart breaking in shock, mind too numb from the godforsaken pills you have been taking and your own injury. So many times you wondered to yourself if you were still caught in one of your nightmares, but every time you tried to break free from it, you're slapped back with the reality of how all of this is real.

Your fingers gently tightened on Jaehyun's hands now as your gaze landed on his face. He looked so peaceful, like he's just sleeping, that you almost wanted to bend over and try to kiss him awake. You don't even have any idea what time and day it is already, but you have barely left his side since you were brought to him. The nightmares and sleeplessness? They're barely a problem for you anymore because right now, you're entirely not resting at all unless your body forces you to crash from physical exhaustion. Even then, you usually only sleep for about two to three hours at best to make sure that you never miss a moment with your fiance.

"Severe traumatic head injury. He was lucky enough that the airbag shielded him from the worst of the impact."

The words of his attending doctor echoed in your head again like a faraway voice. You could only remember bits and pieces of what he said to his parents back then as he reported his findings, but you caught enough context for you to draw a picture of the situation. You remember Jaehyun's mother asking the chances of her son waking up again, her voice barely holding up from her emotions.

"I cannot promise anything, Ma'm. I'd say he has a 60 percent chance. He's fighting."

And he is. You know Jaehyun inside out. He might be unconscious now, but there is no way he is giving up. Not from something like this.

"Keep fighting baby…" you whispered in the stillness of the room as you lifted his hand gently to your lips to kiss. "I'll wait for you. We still have a wedding to do."

The slight creaking of the door barely made you look away from his sleeping face. You only did at the gentle sound of a throat clearing, your eyes slightly widening as you recognized the man who just walked inside the room. Taeil had the same mildly shocked look on him as he stopped on the other side of the bed across from you.

"You…"

"Are you a relative of the patient?" He asked now as he tucked his clipboard under his arm. You simply nodded, watching him quickly glance at the numbers on the monitor before his eyes settled on you again.

"I'm his fiancee."

That made him raise his brows slightly. He pulled a pen now from the pocket of his coat to quickly write something on his file. "What a coincidence. Not a good one obviously. I'm sorry to hear about him. Mr. Jung, right?"

You swallowed. You didn't want to acknowledge anything that he just said so you tried to divert the conversation instead.

"You're not his doctor. Why are you…"

"Oh. He was turned over to me today. I am one of the resident neurologists here but he had to be moved to me because his first doctor has too much in his plate already. Don't worry, I was briefed properly about his case."

Your gaze followed Taeil as he bent over to check Jaehyun's oxygen level as well as the other wires attached to him. You don't know what to feel about him taking over, but at least you already know him previously.

"Are there any changes? Positive ones?" You asked in a frail voice that Taeil definitely didn't miss. You told yourself to not act silly and ask questions that probably do not have answers yet, but you couldn't help yourself now. The man seemed to think over his words first, noticing your state, before calmly giving his reply.

"No particular ones, but the fact that there are no negative developments is… something. I will have to request for some tests to be done on him again tomorrow so we can see if there are positive changes in his brain."

Neutral. Not good, but at least it's not bad either.

"How are you? I was about to check on you again. Is your head okay?"

You were still thinking over his words that you barely caught his question. Looking up, you tried to scramble for an answer to give. To be honest, you haven't given proper attention to your own injury since this happened. You would even only remember to take your medications on your clearest, less anxious moments, which, honestly, isn’t a lot.

"I'm uh… the wound has closed. But the headaches. They're still there."

He simply nodded. "Any other side effects?"

You didn't immediately answer. You didn't want to sound whiny, but it's not like you're going to lose anything by telling him the uglier parts of your recovery. You swallowed to try and dislodge the slight blockage in your throat.

"Nightmares…" you said now, voice soft. You briefly remembered the last one you had back in the manor before you woke up to the bad news and you felt your stomach turn again. "Lots of them. Hallucinations sometimes…"

The doctor watched you carefully and you know he is trying to compute things in his mind despite his face remaining calm.

"Have you been keeping to your schedule with your medications? Are you taking too much?"

You firmly shook your head no to his last question.

"No, I haven't been overdosing. But… I've been skipping my pills the last few days because of...because of this."

"How have you been feeling since you started missing your dosages then? Do you remember?"

That made you actually stop and think about it for a moment. Now that you are paying attention, you did notice how the nightmares have calmed down slightly. Even the hallucinations are almost gone. You frowned slightly to yourself.

"A bit… better actually."

Taeil took his time to observe you a bit more before writing something on a new page of his clipboard.

"You must have had severe reactions to the mixture of pills I gave you. I'm going to prescribe you new ones and ask the nurses to pick them up and bring them to you here. Can you promise that you'll try and take them though? You really need them to fully heal."

You nodded and gave him a slightly sheepish look.

"I will, thank you very much."

Taeil dug his hands into the pockets of his coat and gave you a gentle smile.

"Well, that's it for today. I'll come back tomorrow to give you updates about Mr. Jung." He had already turned and started walking away when he suddenly stopped to look at you again.

"Oh, and another thing. Please try and get some sleep. Recover… and then focus on helping your fiance."

******* You didn't really know what woke you up. Stirring from your sleep, the first thing that registered to you was the sound of distant traffic mixed with the gentle chirping of the morning birds from outside the window. A warm feeling radiated on your cheek and made the back of your eyelids glow red.

You flickered your eyes open and immediately rolled away to escape the ray of sunshine that slipped from the open curtains and shone directly at your face. You easily evaded it as you moved over to the other side of the bed which was empty and cold from the night before.

That was when you finally remembered that you were back in your home, in the same bedroom you share with Jaehyun. The day before, his mother offered to take the responsibility of watching over him so there was a sudden change of plans that finally gave you the reason to check back into your apartment after so long. If it were you, you would have preferred not leaving your boyfriend’s side until he wakes up, but you also knew that your future mother-in-law wanted to spend time with him so you relented.

Of course you weren't thrilled to be home alone, especially with Jaehyun not being there, but the comfort that a real mattress provided—over the small couch you used to sleep in back at the hospital—is definitely a welcome change for your body. You even tried to take your medicine properly, the new ones that Taeil had provided, in the hopes of getting knocked down fast. Your adrenaline and anxiety had been fueling you in the past days, but you know from the way your heart thumped and your hands shook that you need a solid rest.

And you got it. You still feel a little groggy now but your body is definitely lighter and your head clearer. The nightmares didn't even come, and while they were replaced by total darkness or dreams in white that still made you anxious, you are willing to take those anytime over the graphic ones that you used to have.

You gently sat back against the headrest of the bed now and reached out for your phone to check the time. It's barely 7AM but as expected, Jaehyun's mom has already provided you with updates from the hospital. He’ll have some tests taken today as Taeil advised and then they’ll hear more about his progress. From the looks of it, she seems still set on watching over her son, which means you still have at least today free to yourself.

You quickly typed a reply to her and sighed. You’re thankful that even though you weren’t related by blood, his parents have always treated you as if you were their own. Having a family is not something you’ve really experienced in your childhood, so that’s something you’ve always appreciated about them. That is also the reason why you wish for the best out of this situation, because you also couldn’t bear seeing your fiance’s mother and father heartbroken. He’s their only son, after all.

A quick look around your room left you feeling empty. The last week has been so hard that it felt longer and now you’re struggling to find your normal pace again. In an effort to bring yourself to focus, you decided to pick up your phone once more and started flipping through your calendar to check your schedule. It didn’t take long for you to frown when you realized the upcoming dates there. You’ve plotted important academic schedules in advance and one quick look at it told you how much you’ve obviously missed in the past week. You’ve been so lost in the mess of everything that has happened that you’ve entirely forgotten about your job at the manor. You realized that they didn’t even call you once to ask about your absence, probably because they also know about the situation, but even that is not enough excuse for you to entirely fall off the radar.

Biting your lip, you quickly scrolled through your contacts now to look for the number you need. Your thumb hovered over the call button momentarily, but you eventually pressed it anyway. Your eyes wandered towards the clock on the wall, hoping silently to yourself that it wasn’t too early for you to call.

“Rosewood Manor, how can I help you?”

You straightened on your seat.

“Hey, Taeyong. It’s me. Sorry if I called so early.”

The other boy seemed to have been taken slightly by surprise by the way he fell silent at the other end of the line. You tapped your finger against your knee, waiting for him to speak again.

“Hi. No, it’s fine. Work started for me about an hour ago. Are you okay? How’s things on your end?”

You nibbled guiltily on your lower lip and finally got off your bed to walk over to the window. You pushed the curtains open and stared at the slight snowfall that had started falling on the ground. You’ve missed so many days of reporting to them but the first thing he does is to check if you’re fine.

“I um—things are still the same. My boyfriend’s still at the hospital.”

“Oh… I’m so sorry to hear that.”

“Look, I want to apologize. I haven’t really reported to work and I didn’t even call about it. It’s just that—things have been so crazy lately, but still that isn’t an excuse for me to just not show up.”

Taeyong, however, was understanding as always. You were about to go off for another round of apologies when he gently cut you off.

“Hey, it’s fine. We know you’ve been dealing with a lot lately so we also weren't expecting anything. Don’t worry too much about it.”

“But, the boys’ examinations and portfolio review is happening in three days and I haven’t really checked in with them. How are they doing now?”

“Oh...that. Well, we actually tried looking for a temporary tutor to help out but I...uh… I think he isn't really cutting it. Maybe because he isn’t the one who started the program with them. But he’s a big help still.”

“Oh god, I’m so sorry about that. I should have at least—look, I can drop by today and just try to fix things.”

“Are you sure? You really don’t have to. Don’t you need to be at the hospital?”

You started going around your room now, trying to gather the scattered papers and files that you’ll need. It’s a good thing you woke up early so you still have time to prepare for work. “My boyfriend’s mother is the one watching over him today so I have the day off.”

“And your injury? How is it?”

Your eyes landed on the new bottles of medicine sitting on your bedside table.

“Better. I’m feeling so much better.”

You heard Taeyong sigh in relief over the phone. “Thank god. We were so worried about that. Well, you really don’t need to go, but if you have time, I guess doing it today won’t hurt. It will help us a lot.”

A small smile tugged at your lips now and you switched the phone over to your other ear as you started arranging your bag. “Thank you so much for being understanding. I need a distraction anyway. I’d rather work than stay home alone… Thanks for not firing me.”

That made him laugh a little. “I’ll tell the boys that you’re coming over. Oh, and be careful on your drive here. The roads are a little bit slippery today because of the snow.”

“I will, thank you. I’ll be there by 9.”

******* “Noona!”

You have barely finished arranging your materials on your desk when the door to the room burst open and ushered an anxious-looking Jisung inside. You looked up quickly at him, only barely catching Chenle wobbling with his crutch before your vision of the entrance was blocked by Jisung’s tall frame. His hair looked swept up as if he ran and there was a slight flush staining his cheeks. He stopped right in front of you, stopping just in time for him not to topple you over.

“Hey, Jisung how are—” You tried to give him a smile but he was quick enough to grab your hands between his.

“Are you back? Are you really back for real?” He pressed now, eyes wide as he tried to bend over to look closely at you. He looked like a puppy, the only missing thing being a wagging tail to complete the look. You couldn’t help the brief laugh that passed over you as you tried to calm him down.

“I am. For the day, yes. Sorry I missed so many of your sessions.”

“We thought you left us,” Jisung continued, his lower lip protruding just a bit. Just then, Chenle had finally reached the two of you, a slightly embarrassed look on his face. This is actually the first time you saw him again since the day the two of you had your accident and you’re glad to see him healthy despite his broken leg.

“Hi, Chenle. How are you?”

The boy scratched the back of his head and looked away slightly. “Fine… I’m sorry, noona. I wasn’t able to visit you when you stayed with us. I’m really really sorry about what happened in the forest.”

You tried to give him a reassuring smile and freed one of your hands from Jisung’s hold to ruffle his hair. The action seemed to have calmed him down a little because he finally looked at you again, a small apologetic smile on his own lips.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s not your fault. But be careful next time, okay?”

“Are you going to be our tutor again, noona?” Jisung pressed once more and you turned your attention back to him. To be honest, you’re still not sure how your schedule will turn out after this, but you couldn’t really bear to break the poor boy’s heart at the moment.

“Yes… I’m here to teach your big brothers today for their tests though. We’ll have to schedule you and Chenle’s lessons again. Is that alright?”

A brief look of disappointment flashed on his face but he was quick enough to pick it up. Jisung smiled and gave your hand a squeeze.

“Okay. We can wait. It’s good you are back, Jaemin-hyung was so—”

“Yah, don’t hog her by yourself. You’ll scare her away.”

A new voice made the three of you look back to the doorway. Haechan smiled at your little group as he strolled casually into the room followed by Jeno and Jaemin. The three of them joined your crowd and you felt Jisung finally let go of your hand as he stepped away to go over to his brothers’ side.

“Hi. Sorry, I only returned now. Taeyong told me that you—”

You weren’t able to finish what you wanted to say as Haechan gently stopped you mid-sentence. He leaned his head to the side, eyes briefly scanning you from head to toe. Unlike Jisung, he looked calm and only barely excited.

“It’s fine. We knew you’ll come back. How are you?”

“Oh… I’m good. My head is better. I haven’t had the chance to thank all of you for taking care of me when I was here.”

“How about your boyfriend?” It was Jeno who asked this time and you quickly turned to him to address his question. Your eyes briefly slipped to Jaemin who was standing behind him before you could even speak though, and for a moment you had the impression that Jeno was shielding him—or blocking him from you. You blinked a little bit in confusion, wondering if it was just your imagination that was making you think that way.

“He’s still… still unconscious,” your smile dropped a little but you tried your best to keep your voice casual. “We’re getting more tests for him. His doctor said that he isn’t showing bad signs at least.”

“I’m so sorry to hear about him,” Haechan said with compassion and you gave him a grateful look. Your gaze settled on Jaemin again, however, who for some reason had barely looked at you since he came into the room. You know that he can be quiet and reserved at times, but there is something in the air around him that makes you slightly worried. He’s so still, but the way he carries himself makes it seem like he’s so strung up at the same time. It also doesn’t help that Jeno seems to be almost pushing him back from view.

“Hi Jaemin… How are you?” You tried to gently ask him to make sure that he is okay. He didn’t look at you at first, but when he finally did, you felt yourself freeze a little. His eyes looked dark and almost emotionless when he met yours and there were shadows under them as if he hadn't slept properly for days. He didn’t even answer and just simply stared, his gaze blank and accusing at the same time.

Haechan casually glanced over his brother and chuckled. “Our Jaeminie here has been sick for the past couple of days so he’s a little out of it. But he’s going to be fine now,” he put a hand over the other’s shoulder and gave it a slight squeeze as if to calm him down. “Right, Jaemin? We’ll try our best to go to class today since noona is finally back, hmm?”

Jaemin, however, didn’t even seem to hear him. He continued staring at you the same way that kept you pinned on your spot.

“Are you leaving again?” he finally asked and you almost felt goosebumps rise on your skin. It didn’t sound like a question… but more of a threat. You swallowed.

“I’m going to have to arrange my schedule till things get better…” you answered carefully, as if you’re navigating dark waters. That didn’t seem to cut it for him, unfortunately.

“So you’re not leaving. Forever?”

You blinked. To be honest, you’ve been thinking of quitting and just finishing the rest of the month if things didn’t improve, but you don’t think that’s the right answer to give at the moment.

“No… not for now,” you finally managed to say. You watched as Jaemin seemed to visibly relax, his stiff shoulders loosening under Haechan’s grip. He didn’t say anything after that, but he at least looked away, seemingly more satisfied with your words.

“Great. I think we should get to work,” Haechan broke the silence and looked around the room as if the tension you were feeling was just something only you could feel. He nodded towards Chenle and Jisung then. “You guys go back to your own classes. You’ll have your share of noona once it’s your turn.” He then glanced at you, smile still in place. “Should we start then?”

You nodded. “Is Renjun still not back?”

“Not yet. He’s going to be here tomorrow though,” Jeno answered as he took his seat on one of the desks.

“I see…”

Haechan also found his spot, but not before you’ve noticed him urging Jaemin to do the same. Playfully, he took the pencil you’ve arranged on the desk and started tapping it against the wood of the table.

“Don’t worry. We’ll tell him you’re back. I’m sure he can’t wait to have his lessons again~”

******* You looked over the window for the third time in the last fifteen minutes and sighed. The day had been busy with you trying to catch up on the boys’ lessons that you barely even noticed the state of the weather outside. When you finally did, it took you by surprise when you saw how much of the ground was covered by snow—one look at it told you that it is at least a feet deep by now. Your first instinct was to try and maneuver your car out of the lot before your tires get entirely buried in it, but then you remembered that you promised to wait for Taeyong to come back before leaving the manor. The butler requested for you to temporarily watch over the manor while he tries to do some last minute errands back in the city, but it’s been two hours since he originally promised to come back. You eyes glanced at your watch now, then back at the quickly darkening view outside.

“...severe snowstorm has blocked some of the main roads in the city at the moment. Expect heavy traffic and don’t forget to drive safely.”

You turned to the television now to catch the last of the rambling dialogue of the reporter about the weather. You’ve been debating on whether to call Taeyong or not to check on him, but you didn’t want to seem impatient to go home when you only really wanted to make sure if he’s safe. From the looks of it, he’s stuck somewhere because of the hale, too.

You were on your way to get your phone from your bag to at least try to shoot him a message when you suddenly heard it ring. Getting it just in time, you almost sighed in relief when you saw his number there. You quickly took it and went over to the window to answer it to make sure you get some proper signal.

“Hello? Taeyong?”

“Hey. Finally. I’ve been trying to call you for the last hour, thank god it finally connected.”

“Oh, sorry, my phone’s in my bag. I think the signal’s getting bad because of the snowstorm. Where are you? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, about that, I’m still stuck in town. The traffic’s so bad here because a section of the main road is blocked. Road maintenance is supposed to come thirty minutes ago but I think there’s a delay because there are other roads they are working on.”

Your gaze drifted back to the television where scenes of the same blocked avenues were being flashed. “Yeah… the news says the same. Are you safe though?”

“I am. I’m really sorry for making you wait. I’d tell you to drive back and not wait for me anymore but I don’t think you’ll also make it home in time with all this traffic going on. I don’t think it’s going to be safe. Do you mind waiting for a little bit more? I’ll tell you once the roads are better.”

You thought it over quickly, a frown settling on your face. You really want to go home, but he’s right. There’s no point in trying to drive back if you’ll only find yourself stuck in the roads for hours. Not being a big fan of night driving yourself, you can already imagine the stress waiting for you if you add a snowstorm to the mix. As much as you wanted to leave, you’re left with no choice, at least for the moment.

“I can… I’ll just wait for you, I guess. Do you want me to do anything here while you’re gone? Dinner for the boys?”

“Oh no, no, you don’t need to do that, that’s not part of your job,” Taeyong sounded abashed when he said that. You stepped away from the window then and took a seat by the fireplace that Jeno started earlier. Half of your concentration was on the news which has now shifted to a different set of reports also caused by the snowstorm. “They’ll know when to go down and eat. Don’t worry about them. Where are they right now?”

“Ah, I think they went back to their rooms? I did tell them earlier that I’ll try to wait for you.”

“I see. Yes, I think that’s better. Don’t worry, I’ll keep you updated. If things don’t get better, I think I’ll have no other choice but find a hostel here and wait for the weather to calm down. You can stay there and just ask for help from any of them. You can stay in the same room just in case.”

You didn’t quickly react to the offer. Instead, your eyes flickered to the doorway of the room before refocusing your attention back to the conversation. It’s not like you have anything against spending the night again at the manor—you’ve done it before, after all—but it’s honestly not really something you’re comfortable to do again. Maybe it’s because you’ve never really been okay with overstaying at strangers’ houses but your gut feel is also telling you right now that it shouldn’t be your top option regardless of the situation you are in.

Still, you didn’t want to come off rude to Taeyong, not when he is only being kind to offer you temporary shelter while being stuck in the middle of nowhere himself. So instead, you went against your initial doubts and offered him your thanks in return. It’s just Plan B that he’s proposing after all.

“I will. Keep me updated though if you need anything you think I can help with.”

“Thank you and I will. I have to go now though. Please make yourself at home. I’ll try to call again after an hour.”

“Okay. Take care.”

You put your phone down now with a worried frown as you heard the line drop. You couldn’t believe this is happening the first day you got back to work but it’s not like you can really blame anyone for it. The only good thing is that you’re sure Jaehyun is being taken care of right now so that is at least one thing off your shoulders. You didn’t really need to rush anywhere, not especially to a vacant home. Leaning back against your seat, you tried your best to relax as your gaze travelled around the room once again. You deliberated on sending a text to your mother-in-law to tell her about your situation but decided against it, not wanting to worry her more. You sighed. For now, you guess you didn’t have any other choice but to wait.

You did try to distract yourself by watching the news for a few more minutes before finally giving up on it. With resignation, you picked yourself up from your seat again and turned the television off. For a moment you simply stood in the middle of the room, trying to figure out what to do with your time when your gaze settled on the door again. Everyone retreated to their own rooms after they finished with their lessons so it means the house is pretty much yours for exploring if you wanted to. You toyed with the idea for a little bit, before finally resigning yourself to it. It’s not like there really is anything else left for you to do, and Taeyong did say you can make yourself feel at home if you wanted to. With a sigh, you finally turned on your heels to leave the room and peered silently into the hallway. It was deserted as expected, but still your eyes travelled left and right to check if there’s anyone out and about at this hour. It was only after you made sure that you were alone when you finally allowed yourself to step into the corridor.

Of course, you have a plan. You’re pretty much sure that checking out the rooms on the first floor is acceptable since it’s where you’ve been rotating your classes so you’re going to stick to those areas. You remember finding a library there once and you focused on finding your way to it to maybe check out some of the books in the collection.

It did take you about five minutes to finally find the place you were looking for. For some reason, the sections in the manor always confuse you no matter how many times you try to memorize each one, probably because of how big and similar-looking they are on the outside. You’ve already tried four doors when you were finally welcomed by the familiar-looking bookshelves at the fifth one. You sighed and gave one quick look around the room before slipping yourself inside after making sure that you’re alone.

There will probably never be a time when you won’t find yourself fascinated by anything in this grand home. If the architecture of the mansion is not enough to convince anyone how rich the family is, their book collection is enough to assure that at the very least. You’ve only ever taken a quick glimpse of it once during one of your lessons with the boys, but one look of the titles in their shelves is enough to make any literature major excited. You looked at the floor to ceiling collection now, your fingers gently running over the spines of the books you could reach with a small smile on your face.

You were about to check out the rest of the collection on the other side of the wall when something in the middle of the room caught your attention. You didn’t really catch it at first because of the shadows that concealed it when you first came in, but you could pretty much discern the outline of a blanket covered standee now from where you stood. You frowned. Taking careful steps, you closed the distance towards it to try and figure out what exactly it is that you’re seeing.

A closer look revealed it to be an easel covered with white cloth. You could see the outline of the canvas where the blanket falls over it while shadows of colors peeked out into the thin fabric from the surface it was covering. How odd… you knew that Renjun had a different art room for his paintings so to see this now here in the middle of the library seems uncanny.

You didn’t know how long you remained standing in front of it, too. You know you should have walked away—after all, the white cloth hiding it away from plain view means whatever is on that canvas is not meant for everyone’s eyes to see, but you simply couldn’t tear yourself away from it. It’s as if there was a silent force asking you to pull that cloth to reveal what’s underneath, the inclination so strong that you could almost hear its voice breathing down next to your ear, unrelenting until you do what it says.

The next thing you know, you had your hand attached to one end of the fabric. You stared at it now, wondering last minute if you should go ahead or not. You swallowed and glanced around one last time around the room. If you’re alone… it wouldn’t hurt if you could take a peek, right? Nobody will know. You just have to see, then cover it back again. Before you could even think about it too much, your arm was finally moving on its own as it gently tugged at the covering. You watched as it fell gently on the floor, like a bodiless ghost melting into the shadows on the ground.

Your eyes couldn’t make out what you were seeing at first. The dim lighting of the room wasn’t helping at all, but you were sure that it was a woman’s silhouette that was staring back at you from the canvas. Colors swirled around her, like some unknown mass trying to drag her back into unknown depths. Shapes and tones jumped from the picture, but her form stood out from the rest, gracefully twisted as if she was in the middle of trying to fight and succumb to it at the same time. You frowned. Taking a step closer towards it, you tried to study its details under what little illumination the lamps above afforded you.

That’s when it all happened simultaneously. Your heart stopped beating the same time your eyes widened as they finally focused on what’s in front of them. It’s as if the ground suddenly vanished from underneath your feet and you were falling, falling, deep into the abyss despite your body being frozen in fear and shock.

You know this painting. You’ve seen it before. It was the same one by Renjun, the one that you saw on your first day working in the manor.

But it was different now. Instead of the unfinished state that caught your attention before, everything about the picture now is in sharp focus. The lines on the woman’s nude body, the hands—which you thought were simply dark swirls dragging her back—and her face twisted beautifully in pleasure and madness stared back at you like a nightmare.

But it was not those which truly shook you to your core. It’s the realization that it was your own face in the portrait that was staring back at you, silently screaming for you to run away.

You stumbled back in shock. Your chest felt tight as you tried to grasp for air while your hands fumbled to find something to hold on to keep you from crashing on the ground. Before you could even take another step, however, something hard hit your back and you felt strong arms wrap around your waist like a vice. You have barely realized what was happening when you felt someone lean over your shoulder, lips pressing against the shell of your ear.

“Isn’t it beautiful? You’re the perfect muse, don’t you think?” Renjun asked softly as he pressed a gentle kiss to your temple.

******* You didn’t know how long you stayed frozen in his embrace. For a brief moment you thought you were dreaming again until you felt his arms slowly tighten around your waist. As if a jolt of electricity shocked you, you immediately turned to push him away as you scrambled to put some distance between the two of you.

Renjun didn’t seem the least bothered when your eyes finally focused on him. He remained on his spot, his gaze on you unwavering. You, meanwhile, were shaking from head to toe, the vision of the painting still branded vividly in your head.

“Renjun—what’s this?” you managed to stutter as you pointed at the artwork in the middle of the room. You couldn’t even spare to look at it again while he merely gave it a casual glance.

“It’s you. I’ve been working on it for a long time. I was about to show it to you but it seems like you couldn’t wait for it yourself.”

You felt nauseous. A part of your rational mind was slowly losing it as you tried to process his answer. Something's not right. Something is so terribly wrong.

“Why—why did you do this?”

Renjun simply stared at you and leaned his head a little bit to the side as if he was only mildly curious of your reaction. Your stomach turned even before hearing his answer.

“You said it’s beautiful.”

“This is not right—!”

“I came home because they said you were leaving for good,” he continued speaking softly, effectively cutting you from what you were about to say. The hairs on the back of your neck stood on end and you took another step back as you watched him get close to his artwork. You watched in horror as his thin fingers lovingly ran over the corners of the canvas. “Jaemin almost lost it… It’s a good thing I got here on time.”

And just like that, everything seemed to have clicked into place. The glances, the touches, the words that seemed to have a different undercurrent under them… they weren’t just fragments of your imagination. Every little thing that has gnawed at you from the inside came into crystal clear focus and you felt your knees go weak from the weight of it all. It took every fiber of your being to try and keep yourself steady now, your legs moving on their own as they took small backward steps away from the boy staring at you now with dead eyes. You couldn’t breathe, but it was the last words he told you that finally snapped you to run.

“I don’t think you’ve realized it yet. But no, you cannot leave. Ever.”

You didn’t know where you got the energy for it but in seconds you were flying out of that room and running blindly down the darkened corridors. Your blood pumped noisily in your ears and your chest felt like it was going to split from the sudden exertion you put on it, but you didn’t stop, not even looking back as you tried to put as much distance between you and the library. You didn’t even know where you were going. All you’re focused on is to find the exit and leave the house as soon as possible.

A loud bang that sounded off to your right startled you and you screamed, the force of your shock making you whip around and almost lose your balance. Before you could even hit the floor, however, a pair of hands caught you and you immediately turned, grasping at the chest of your rescuer.

You froze. Haechan smiled down at you as he tried to steady you on your feet.

“Haechan,” you gasped as you took fistfuls of his shirt and tried to shake him in your panic. “Renjun—he’s—please, help me. He’s after me—” you gasped out, almost out of your wits. You’re on the verge of a total breakdown that it almost escaped you, the way he simply smiled down on your shaking form. It was only when you felt one of his hands gently caress the top of your head that reality slapped you in the face again. You suddenly stopped struggling in his hold, pupils shaking as you watched him study your features lovingly.

“Shh… it’s fine. I got you,” he whispered and you could swear ice pricked you from the inside. A slight movement to the right made you turn your head and you saw Jaemin lean casually against the banister of the stairs, his face serene. He gave you one quick look before a gentle smile finally lit up his features.

“Has it started?” he asked and you felt Haechan’s hold on you tighten.

“It has.”

You didn’t struggle. It was as if any trace of fight you had left you in that moment and you let your hands fall limply on your sides. Haechan also loosened his grip on you and you stared at the two boys blankly, your chest heaving as if fighting for air. They didn’t move from their spots and simply followed you with their eyes as if relishing the fear and realization flashing in your face.

Trapped.

You’re trapped.

You’ve always been.

You didn’t even realize that your legs had started moving again on their own as the pieces of the puzzle started to fall together in your mind. You were only shaken from it when your back finally hit the front door, the cold metal of the knob pressing against your spine. Jaemin and Haechan remained on their spots still, even as you blindly reached out for it from behind.

You were expecting it to be locked, so you were a little bit surprised when you felt it give way under your hand when you tried to turn it open. Just before you could even entertain the idea of escaping, however, any trace of hope you had quickly died as you turned and came face to face with Jeno standing right in front of the entrance. He didn’t look the least surprised seeing you there, as if he was waiting for you in the first place.

You eyes took in his calm countenance before slowly moving to stare downwards at what he was holding by his side. Your gaze locked on it in fear, and that’s when the flight response in you flared up again.

Jeno’s hunting rifle shone dully in the light of the entryway, his pale fingers wrapped on its handle.

“There’s really only one place you can run, noona, but I won’t advise it,” he said evenly and you felt your blood freeze in your veins.

“After all, no matter where you hide, I’ll still find you in that forest.”

It happened all at once. You broke into a run, your body screaming at you to go faster as you heard gunshots pierce the air.

---

CHAPTER 7

A/N: Good lord, I wasn’t expecting I’d finish this today but I got one large iced coffee and well... things happened. Anyway, enjoy! Let’s hope the format won’t mess up this time. T.T Finally, all hell broke loose~ <3

Tag list!

@negincho, @jhornytrash, @jaeminhyuckiii, @jungwoosswhore, @jsturkey, @aj-7, @pukupukupawpau, @tomiesgirlfren, @vsszn, @those-winternights, @xsnelly, @lihyuck, @laheyspizza, @miyeux27, @haoshitt, @mindofthescattered, @huangberryyy, @d1nne, @choppedupcactus, @neokat, @yutasnabi

#nct dream yandere au #nct dream yandere #nct dream yandere fic #jaemin x reader #jeno x reader #renjun x reader #haechan x reader #nct dream 00 line fic #nct dream 00 line x reader #nct horror au #nct dream yandere imagines #jaehyun x reader #yandere!nct dream #yandere!jaemin #yandere!jeno #yandere!renjun #yandere!haechan #nct-writers #yandere!nct dream 00 line

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ktheist · 5 years ago

Text

(why) we got married | m

synopsis. they say the 7th year of your marriage is always an uphill battle - but with the existence of your prenup coming to light thanks to taehyung’s lawyer slash family friend’s slip of tongue - first it reached your and his families, and then your family’s close friends and then your family’s close friends’ friends until - almost everyone is speculating on the grounds of you and taehyung’s marriage being anything but love.

you’re not sure if you’re even going to make past the second year mark in your marriage. but is the reason you got married really as important as why you choose to stay or leave?

muses. chairman!taehyung x stewardess!reader

alternative title. as you are.

inspired by. the 1 by taylor swift

genre. arranged marriage au with a pinch of drama and angst

words. 12.5k

warnings. explicit content

verse. knj. ksj. myg. kth. pjm. jjk. jhs. story time.

in your defense, neither you nor taehyung made an elaborated plan to deceive both his family and yours with the marriage which yes, had been founded upon a contract. but that’s not the point - the point is, your father and brother never sat down with taehyung and had a man-to-man talk. and his mother never sniffed out your reason for marrying her son being his abundance of wealth. but when all comes to light, thanks to taehyung’s lawyer slash family friend who made a slip of tongue - your parents and his were the ones most vindictive about who’s digging whose gold.

and to be completely frank, you were one article away from calling up your mother and telling her that you seduced taehyung into marrying you - just so she’d stop baring her fangs at mrs. kim. these days the headlines keep blowing up your mother and mrs. kim’s completely-by-chance meeting at a five star restaurant that erupted into manic yelling and pointing fingers.

“what did you say, you-” the audio bleeps for a split second before your mother in law’s voice comes back on, “-it was your daughter that seduced my son!”

“you crazy-” the audio bleeps again, “-you better watch your mouth or i’ll-”

the remaining seconds of the video are filled with bleeps that make it hard to even understand what either woman was saying. a wave of regret floods your chest as you scroll down the words strewn out into a juicy, tea-spilling commentary on your and taehyung’s past - the writer seems to pick up the minor little details that, in hindsight, leaves a big fat question mark out in the open.

when exactly did ___ ___ and kim taehyung start dating?

the answer was never.

the two times you and taehyung were photographed together was at a cafe near your office and the other, near his penthouse wherein you were discussing the terms of the contracts by yourselves. the one near taehyung’s penthouse being the final stage where you both signed it on your ipads. to the naked eye, you probably looked like you were on a date and being young professionals, it was only a given that both of you had some sort of electronic on you at all times - even during dates.

everyone just assumed you were together and with the assumption of being together, comes the conclusion that you were deeply, madly in love. was it the way the picture caught you two looking at each other with smiles on your faces? was it it’s sister picture that stilled you in a frame where you’re looking at your ipad and taehyung looking at you with the same - possibly remaining - smile from the moment the first picture was taken? that, you will never know.

but so it goes, you started going to socials together because taehyung needed some cleansing from his... charm-filled past. he used to go to those with different partners each week, and the previous woman that went with him always ended up refusing to talk about it or boasting about her ‘relationship’ with him. that was of course, after yoo now-kim jeongyeon got married three years ago. he used to attend those socials with her for the most part.

but someway, somehow, his public record was clean of any drama.

you would know, you’ve seen the man in action with your very eyes. on your 7th social event together, son chaeyoung had marched up to you and him like a ticking time bomb, red-faced and flaring nostrils and all. you were about ready to stand your ground when taehyung softly touched your hand that was around his arm and asked if you minded if he left for some fresh air.

of course you didn’t - respectfully, you couldn’t care less what taehyung does as long as it didn’t bring a negative light to you and him and the dynasties you both carried over your shoulders. everyone had their eyes wide open and ears perked for what was to come when taehyung walked chaeyoung out to the hallway. but nothing happened, and you were left to mingle on your own until he returned, looking devilishly handsome as always and strutted up to you with an air of refined sureness.

chaeyoung didn’t come back with him but everything remained quiet - not even a dramatic “stay away from my man!” at any point of your contract. you never asked how he did it - you thought it involved money, but over time, you realized it was just kim taehyung and all the things that made those women attracted to him. and just like a flame, he’d burned the moths’ wings until they couldn’t flutter over to him anymore after your wedding.

“uh, miss, we’re here,” the driver calls, meeting your eyes through the rear-view mirror.

it takes you a few moments to close the cover of your ipad and shove it into your handbag before pulling out bills that’s worth more than your car ride, “thanks, keep the change.”

and with that, you hop out of the cab, ready to put on a facade of grace and confidence. the staff who knows you greets you with a range of emotions, some with unhinged admiration from day one, others with curiosity on what’s truly hidden beneath those darken ray bans - without a doubt, aware of the drama going on between their boss’ mother and their boss’ wife’s mother.

either way, you make sure to return each smile and greeting like you always do. red lips sewn across your face like an ever smiling doll.

it’s only once you’ve entered the elevator and luckily left to your own devices, do you let your shoulder sag, the smile downturned into a frown all the way until a ding echoes into the small compartment and a red ‘8′ flashes on top of the doors.

you don’t fail to fix the secretaries a smile, relief flooding over you at how their warm - or was it profession-required - greeting hasn’t changed even after the rumors spreading about your inevitable divorce - of course, purported by you and taehyung’s mothers.

“son, if you don’t divorce that woman right away, i-i,” and here you see for yourself, the woman who called you ‘my daughter’ with the most loving voice, stuttering into a fit of rage, “i don’t think i can face my friends anymore - that bitch jihye has been slandering our family saying you used her daughter to get hold of the company!”

mina is about to knock on the door and announce your arrival when you hold a hand up before placing an index finger to your lips. she doesn’t need to be told twice when she nods once and steps back to leave you eavesdropping on your mother in law and husband.

“that’s fair,” there isn’t even a stuttered beat in his response.

“what-”

“that’s part of the reason we got married,” he goes on, “and ___ needs some help setting up her brother with some connection so it works out - and mom, please refer to ___ and mrs. jeon by their names, ___ is still my wife and mrs. jeon is the woman who raised her.”

“y-you-” mrs. kim stutters out in disbelief just when you decide to make your presence known, hand on the door, “you ungrateful child, oh my- oh my-!” you walk into the sight of the woman falling backwards with mr. ji the kims’ lawyer stretching his arms out to catch her, shouting “madam!” while taehyung launching himself across the room, “mom!”

mrs. kim ends up hospitalized.

“it was a case of stress and overworking that should go away with a good few days’ break,” chairman kim who also opts to assume his seat as part of the hospital’s doctor and a family friend of taehyung’s, fixes you with a reassuring smile.

the stethoscope and white robe gives off a more professional vibe than the sophisticated air you see him wear at family dinners.

“that’s a relief - it’s nothing life-threatening,” the smile you return doesn’t seem to sit right with him as his eyebrows knit together and a cloud seem to loom over his face.

“it’s really not in my place but,” he pauses, probably weighing out the pros and cons of offending you with what he’s about to say - but he doesn’t need to worry too much because after today, you probably won’t be seeing each other at dinners any time soon, “me and jeongyeon,” he means his wife and taehyung’s childhood friend, “are here for you if you need to talk - i know mrs. kim can be a little unreasonable at times, but give her some time. don’t give up on her.”

you nod once, murmuring a hollow ‘thanks for that, seokjin’ before watching the man strut down the hallway, the sound of his footsteps accompanying his leave. only when you’re left with the sound of your breathing, do you finally allow chairman kim’s words to sink into the deepest depth of your heart.

it’s not an easy task to keep your heart still and unbothered by your own mother in law’s words. even now, you can still hear her embellishing her headache, back ache, joint pains and every sort of non-fatal pains she has enough to get taehyung to stay by her bedside - so he doesn’t go home. doesn’t go back to the place where you two have built for yourselves.

and yet you can’t help but agree that - “if you’d divorced her just like i told you, i wouldn’t have fallen so ill!” she sighs, just as you’re about to slide the door open.

all of a sudden, the image of the delicate woman swaying and tumbling towards the ground flashes at the back of your head and you instantly recoil, as if the door was made from fire.

the fear of worsening mrs. kim’s health at the sight of you has you backing away, choosing to wait at the seat in the hallway instead. seconds stretch into minutes and minutes into hours until you feel your body being shaken.

your eyes which you never noticed fluttered close - snap open only to gaze at the face of an angel - a concerned one at that judging from the way his eyebrows knit together. and then you’re hearing the smooth baritone of his voice. you almost pulled out your phone from your purse to ask if you could have it recorded so you could listen to it as a lullaby.

that is, until you realize the angel’s disheveled wavy hair and eyes that look like they’re well on their way to falling asleep standing.

“taehyung,” the name slips out of your mouth with a surprised gasp as you note the pristine pastel background of the vip section, body jolting to sit up from your previously slumping position.

“have you been waiting all this time?” he takes a seat next to you - and only then do you notice the unkempt mess that he is.

the first few buttons of his shirt is undone whilst it hangs over his shoulders, untucked, tie hanging loose over his chest as he drapes his blazer over his arm. the sight is almost alien, especially coming from someone who can’t even stand a crease in his shirt.

“what time is it?” you wonder, reaching for your phone while he checks the rolex on his wrist - which proves to be faster than rummaging through your bag.

“seven-thirty - you’ve been waiting here for more than five hours,” and just your luck, right as the words hit the air, your stomach decides to remind you of the meal you’re about to miss if you stay here any longer.

the heat rushing to your cheeks a second later is immeasurably hot, “o-oh, okay.”

clearing your throat, you ask, “so how was mother? seokjin already told me but i wanted to hear it from you that she’s okay.”

“you know how mom is - keeps saying her head hurts from the fall even though mr. ji managed to catch her halfway,” in any other circumstances, you and him would have found humor in how your mother in law’s overembellished diagnosis to gain attention from you and taehyung - but this time, it’s only one of you she wants that from.

it doesn’t stop you from chuckling though, “it sounds just like her - maybe i should make some ginseng chicken soup to help her get better... or beef seaweed, you know, her...”

swallowing the lump in your throat is a feat - and unfortunately, you’ve failed terribly as taehyung gather you his arms.

only then, do you realize you’re sobbing like a child, emotions running wild as everything comes crashing in like a storm - his mother, your family, the whole fucking tabloids that’s being written and ready to be posted in the next few hours and the fact that the marriage may have been a fraud, but the bonds you made along the way had been more than just business. mrs. kim was a mother to you as much as yours is to taehyung. there may have not been any love between you two but you cherish his family like he cherishes yours.

“i’m sorry - for causing a- a scene - for causing mother to f-faint-” you weep and weep.

in your crying fit, you barely notice the way his arms tighten just the tiniest bit as he sways you left to right gently, one hand on the back of your head caressing your hair as he whispers something along the lines of “it’s not your fault” and “we’ll figure it out together.”

and so for the nth time in your one year of marriage, you’re banding together to capture mrs. kim’s heart again. the first time you visited her with taehyung, she narrowed her eyes at you and demanded taehyung explain as to why he didn’t come alone through the very same eyes next second.

when the man pretended not to notice and even placed a hand on your lower back just as your steps faltered in a ‘i’m with you’ kind of way, she opted to stare out the window while you unpack the broth you made onto the table. the portion you poured into the bowl you brought was getting colder by the minute as you spoke to her, “mother, i made beef seaweed soup, it’s your favorite, isn’t it?”

the only indication that she was listening was the way her eyes scanned the bowl of broth in front of her and proceeded to keep them on the window until you had to leave.

and so goes your second and third visits being received with shoulders made of ice a kind of silence that never fails to make your stomach churn with a sort of nervousness you should have felt when you meet your future husband’s parents for the first time. but the first time you met mrs. kim, your chest was filled with nothing short confidence and woo her you did along with taehyung’s relatives and closed friends. at the time, you didn’t think what you were doing - fooling everyone into believing that you’re marrying each other for love - would come biting you in the ass.

if karma existed then this probably you getting what you deserved.

on your fouth visit, you’d come alone because taehyung had an urgent meeting to attend. mrs. kim spared you a once over just like a rabbit who voluntarily and follishly hopped into the lion’s den.

“mother,” you offer her a smile, “how are you feeling?”

when silence is the only response you get, you quickly rummage through the paper bag you’d brought with you, “have you eaten? i made chicken soup-”

“don’t bother,” her voice cuts through the air like a blade. eyes as piercing as spears, “sit down, i know taehyung has an urgent meeting - it’s the only way to get him off my back.”

you’re not quite sure what she means but you have an inkling that the reason her hostility has yet to reach its pique is because taehyung has been giving her subtle looks to ‘mom, be nice to my wife’.

with a nod and a smile that seems to be glued to your face, you ask, “how was the bibimbap yesterday?”

though she didn’t cut you off, her response doesn’t exactly shed hope to your efforts being paid off when she dismissively says, “i gave it to mr. ji.”

the immediate ‘oh’ that tumbles out of your mouth is purely reflexive even though you know she’s never touched the meals you packed for her. but having her admit it is a different kind of heartbreak.

“i see,” is all you can say as you feel tears prick your waterline, a lump in your throat.

“this,” she places a folder of documents she seems to have ready by her bedside into your hands and without any explanation, sends you off with, “if you have any conscience at all, you’d sign these papers and stay out of our lives. even though i never read the contract but i’m sure a smart woman such as yourself would’ve thought to include the alimony as well - you understand what i’m saying right?”

you tried to say something - anything but at that point, the look in her eye already paints a picture of you clinging onto taehyung’s wealth. and yet you still tried, “m-mother, i-...”

but no words come out and as though her point had been proven, she’d huffed out a sigh and tuned you out like she always did on your previous visits.

so you walked down the hallway with shades covering your tear stained eyes and a skip to your step that oh-so-badly wishes to break into an unceremonious run to a place where nobody knows you. where nobody looks at you with rounded eyes for the briefest moment that easily translates to mrs. kim ___, wife of kadore’s chairman who married her husband for money.

but all you can afford to do is keep your head up until you reached the bathroom door, check each stall one by one to make sure no one’s inside before you finally set down the document and your handbag on the sink. the first sob hits the air as soon as you see the woman in the reflection’s reddening eyes and smudged makeup.

it takes you several breath-holding, eyes-shutting and a couple more sobs breaking through the cracks of your walls before you can finally pat some powder onto the patch of skin under your eyes and on your cheeks where most of the damage was done. by the time you’re back in the hallway with shades darker than the night sky, you find your feet melting and becoming one with the floor at the sight of a man with jet black hair standing at the reception.

and almost as though sensing the heat of your gaze through your ray bans, the man turns around to reveal a pair of doe brown eyes and the smile you’re so used to seeing now missing in action and replaced with a straight line.

“jungkook...”

“how’d you know i’d be here?” you start once you’ve both placed an order for your drinks at the counter.

“how long are you going to keep doing this?” instead of answering your question with a real answer, jungkook heaves out a sigh, eyebrows knitting together in vexation as he fixes you with one of those ‘i’m not telling mom and dad but this is our problem now’ kind of look.

“how ever long it takes,” is all you say, reverting your gaze to the smooth surface of the table.

“are those the divorce papers?” you refuse to look at him but you know he’s burning holes inside the beige colored folder sitting underneath your handbag on the seat between you and him.

“i don’t know,” you shrug, shoulders squared as you meet his eyes through your shades, “i haven’t opened it yet.”

but jungkook being jungkook, he takes that as a bare affirmation, choosing to interrogate you on a different topic, “have you seen what people have been saying about you?"

“i don’t really care about what people say,” is all you have to offer.

“you haven’t,” he nods in conclusion, “they’re saying you can’t have enough of your husband’s money... they’re saying you’re coming here everyday to grovel over his mother’s feet to let you stay married - that’s how i know you’d be here. and judging from the looks of it, they’re not too far off.”

it takes you a good solid minute to stomach the new found information. you haven’t been checking social media because of those same exact malicious comments but that was just the beginning of a downward spiral of your reputation - you never thought your efforts and hard work of burning your fingers on hot stoves and redoing dishes to get a perfect one would be met with an assumption of groveling over mrs. kim’s feet all for your husband’s money.

“god, i need a smoke,” jungkook huffs, receiving a look from the waiter that’s setting your drinks down. only after she’s gone does he present you with another set of questions. “was he the one that paid off dad’s debts? all of them? even the loan sharks?”

“that...” you nod once, failing to keep your head high as you twirl the straw of your frappe around but don’t even take a sip, “and the money i said i had saved up and lent you to start your company,” you quickly add,“- but taehyung doesn’t care about that - he wouldn’t accept it even if you wanted to pay him back twice the amount.”

“then why are you...” it’s the way his voice breaks at the end that makes you look up only to see a man whose eyes are a little sunken and cheeks a little hollow - almost as if he hasn’t been sleeping nor eating well because of his foolish sister, “why are you letting that woman trample all over you like this? wouldn’t it be easier to just get a divorce-”

“that woman is my mother in law, jungkook. at least, practice the same level of respect you’ve been preaching about,” you speak over him - it’s funny how taehyung once stood up against the same woman you’re standing up for, for you.

when all that follows is silence, you go on. this time, in a much demurred tone, “and it’s not about letting myself get trampled over... if mom found out you lied about something and she’s acting like mother does because she’s hurt, would you just go on with your life like nothing happened?”

it takes a moment for him to register what you said before taking on a much less hostile tone though still just as firm, “___, this is your life... i don’t know what kind of ‘happy family’ delusion you’ve been living in but i’m willing to bet all my money that it’s not taehyung that gave you those papers to sign and made you cry in the bathroom stall for thirty minutes-” he throws you look, “yeah, i saw you go into the washroom after coming out of her room. i was gonna call you but you looked like you had to take a huge dump so i waited but we know that’s not the case now.”

silence lapses between you for the umpteenth time before you stubbornly announce, “i could’ve been taking a dump - you don’t know.”

the sight of jungkook’s jaw dropping and hitting the ground is laughable, if not for the fact that he’s shaking his head five seconds later. vexed. irritated, “this is getting ridiculous - we’re going home. now.”

and he doesn’t mean the penthouse that you and taehyung shares.

shooting up, his hand grasps your wrist and he would have dragged you all the way to the car if you hadn’t protested.

“jungkook, no - i’m not going anywhere,” pulling your hand back, you stand a good one head shorter in front of your brother which doesn’t do much for your cause.

“___, if not for you then do it for mom and dad - they’re getting too old to be worrying about their one and only daughter’s marriage prospect,” he tries to coax, knowing full well your heart would wither like a flower at the mention of your parents worrisome nature - especially when your business is out in the open no matter how hard you try to hide it, “and you haven’t been answering their calls either.”

“i know, i just-” before you can even finish your sentence, a flash of garnet and bridal pink catches your eyes.

“____... jungkook, i didn’t think you’d be in korea. how are you?” taehyung’s warm baritone is laced with confusion as he stares at your brother and then at you for a sort of explanation but before you can even open your mouth, jungkook’s already has his hand wrapped tightly around your wrist, “yeah, well someone’s gotta clean up the mess you started. ___’s coming back home with me - back to her real home.”

“i’m not - stop saying that and let me go,” you tug on your wrist only to wince at the pressure of his grasp, “jungkook, you’re hurting me!”

“hey, let my wife go,” taehyung takes a peaceful step forward, “we can talk ab-”

“oh no,” the laugh tumbling out of jungkook’s mouth drips with malice, “no, see, you lost your knight in shining armor privilege after you quite literally lied to our faces about how you’ll take care of my sister until ‘death do you apart’ when all it took was mommy dearest pretending to get sick while everyone labels my sister a gold-digging wh-”

you taking a step forward with a balled fist, is completely instinctive and you would say taehyung prancing towards the dark haired man with a fist that actually hits the mark, was also instinct-driven. except that he probably has better aim and his punches hurt more than yours ever would.

the first one, you admit was satisfying but when your brother ends up on the ground with your husband throwing blow after blow, you have no choice but to intervene.

“taehyung, stop!” the shriek that echoes against the walls almost burst your eardrums. you would have believed it to be mrs. kim if not for the fact that she’s nowhere in sight and you’re the one with your hands grasping onto your husband’s arms, trying to hold him back from sending blow after blow onto your brother’s half-conscious face.

“taehyung, don’t stop,” you frown, taking a seat next to him while swiping the ice bag off his lap before gently pressing it to his darkened jawline, “seokjin said to keep the ice on the bruise for at least an hour.”

“ahhh - ow - ow-!” the man whines, eyes screwed shut as his grits his teeth together but doesn’t recoil from your touch.

“maybe you should’ve thought twice about throwing a punch at a trained boxer,” you shake your head, lips curling into an inevitable smile.

after taehyung’s had a round of punches in, jungkook managed to flip them over so that he’s the one pinning the elder man down. the events that unfolded after that were the least bit pretty. the nurses and doctors attending nearby patients rushed to the two struggling men and then there’s you, shifting the shouting to your brother to “god damn it, jungkook! stop being a dick!”

it took five men - doctors and just-arrived guards alike - to pry your brother off your husband who still tried to get a punch in and was held back by seokjin who finally arrived at the scenes with half a mind to knock the both of them out as he calmly orders for jungkook to be dragged into one of those empty rooms akin to the one mrs. kim is staying at.

because taehyung was the one who started the fight, seokjin decided that an ice pack would do for the taller man whilst he treats jungkook and orders the other doctors to go back to their post.

picking up the mixture of garnet and bridal pink roses, he stares at their wilted petals for the longest moment, face painted with dejection. they must have been specifically ordered for mrs. kim-

“these are for you,” your train of thoughts halts in its track at taehyung’s words. his hand levitating midair as though unsure of whether to hand the bouquet to you or toss them away, “or were,” then he captures your gaze and you don’t think you can ever find your way out of the maze he’s able to hold you captive in with just his eyes, “you deserve fresh flowers specifically plucked from its stalk - you deserve a whole garden, actually-”

“taehyung,” your free hand covers his as if to say, “they’re lovely, thank you.” placing the ice pack down, you cup both hands around the flowers, bringing them to your nose, “and they smell wonderful - i love pink roses.”

“i know,” the tiniest smile peeks from his lips, “you told me that.”

“i did?” you blink, surprised.

“at our wedding reception, you got a little tipsy and started sobbing because the roses were blush pink and not bridal pink,” the sound of his chuckles drums in your ears like hymns just like it did a year ago.

back when you were decked in an elegant off shoulder white gown after changing out of your wedding dress. you’d stood in the sidelines while your families and friends danced to their hearts’ content to the sound of the music. white champagne in your hand, the background beginning to turn fuzzy and your thoughts began to get louder.

it didn’t help that the object of your frustrations was smack dab covering every inch of the vicinity from the gargantuan rose covered backdrop, to the tiny vases in every single table.

the sob hits the air like the first raindrop. you had to clasp your hand to your mouth as if you were about to cough to hide your mouth stretching into your crying mouth - you don’t know how to explain it but your lips tend to morph into an unshapely sight whenever you cry and covering it when you feel the waterworks coming has always been second nature. as for the tears - they were concealable because the lights were dim enough.

but then there was someone next to you - he just popped up out of nowhere really and because you were standing in the darkest corner, you couldn’t pick out any defining features besides his height but you didn’t have much time to ponder on that as his question fills your eardrums, “so, how does saying goodbye to the bachelorette life feels like?”

“it’s terrible,” you’d wept some more and he shifted on his feet slightly, as though noticing the tear in your voice but luckily for him, he didn’t even have to ask because you were spilling your innermost thoughts out loud, “they- they gave me blush pink and garnet roses- i want bridal pink and garnet roses.”

“oh,” distinctively rang in your ears among the sound of instruments and joyful laughter.

then comes another input, “i didn’t know they messed up your request,” and you didn’t know why he’d sounded like he was about to murder someone.

“yeah and,” you sniffle, “- and i didn’t wanna say anything because- because i don’t wanna be that bratty bride who picks on every little detail.”

that morning, you woke up to a box full of roses and they were the lightest shade of pink. taehyung was already awake and offered to ring up breakfast for the both of you after he’d bid you a good morning and a “something came in for you.”

the gifts were prearranged to be sent to the penthouse instead of your suite but then again, there were chocolates and champagne bottles that made past the hotel doors because of its edible nature - the roses too... their fleeting livelihood seemed like you’d enjoy them better in your hotel room than a week later after you’d come back from your honeymoon.

the card didn’t even leave initials but had ‘roses for a rose’ playfully written in cursive black ink. your heart blooms a garden but your head is what makes you search for your newly wed husband, only to see him looking at you with a tender smile - one that you thought manifested because of your own involuntary smile when you’d read the note.

“i don’t think these are for us,” you could feel the frown setting into your features, causing taehyung’s own brows to furrow.

“i think these are for... me,” and so you told a tale of a woman with ambitions rather than stars in her eyes, who felt a compulsion to at least tell the truth to her husband and the stranger whom she met at her wedding. of course, omitting the teary eyed part and the blush and bridal pink roses part.

taehyung had easily chuckled while the staff set down plates of delicacies on the round meant-for-two-people-on-a-honeymoon table, saying, “he has fine taste - they’re from halls & tara,” after the staff left.

it didn’t occur to you that the h&t initials on the top right corner of the card stood for the most well known florist in seoul until he’d pointed it out, which could only mean he’d been suspicious enough to take longer than a glance at the flowers.

“do you mind if i keep them? at least, until they’re not as fresh anymore.” you quickly added the last part.

“you can keep them in a vase and have them live longer... why? are they not the shade of pink you wanted?” he blinked once, hand halting midair as he was about to take a mouthful of pancakes.

“well- no, they’re perfect actually - i love them,” you almost stutter in your haste to explain while trying to be casual about how devastated you would be if- “it’s just that... i really didn’t know him or who he was- but he obviously knew me because it’s hard not to know the lady of the day- i’m not breaching any terms-”

it’s the way the trickles of laughter filling the otherwise silent room that got you to clamp your mouth shut. the way kim taehyung looked so ethereal and majestic in the pristine black and white setting of the room.

“i don’t mind,” he’d clarified a moment later, eyes twinkling with the remnants of laughter, “i understand why he’d want to desperately send you these if only to see you smile softly like you did - you look beautiful when you smile, by the way.”

the compliment had caught you off guard and your heart might or might not have somersaulted but if there’s anything seven years of becoming a stewardess has taught you, it was to always prepare an adequate response to every situation - and at that time, kim taehyung was infamous for his quick wits and reputation with the ladies. of course, words sweet as honey would come easy for him.

“thank you,” and so were the words of gratitude on your part as you schooled a smile and dug into the pancakes your husband made.

but sitting on the black leather couch, holding onto a similar colored bouquet, you can’t help but blurt out, “that was you? i was bawling my eyes out because of some mismanagement to my husband who didn’t even recognize?” something between a disbelieving scoff and an irony-induced laugh escapes your mouth, “why didn’t you tell me?”

taehyung’s shoulder line shakes as he shrugs, hand going up to scratch the back of his head as he drops his gaze, as if searching for the answer only to look back up into your eyes with a, “i didn’t think you’d be as happy if you knew it was me,” his gaze falters, like a bud of fear blooming behind his irises,

“why wouldn’t i be?” you blink once, not quite understanding where he’s coming from.

that is, until a small smile slips onto his lips and it’s heartbreaking to witness and even more devastating to know you’re in no place to let your arms gather him into a hug like you wish. to kiss his forehead until his worries disappear.

he twines his fingers with yours, thumbing the diamond on your fourth finger, “i’m sorry that i took away your choice to marry for love - that’s a bit corny isn’t it?” he scrunches his nose and you can’t help but giggle, “it’s not just some short term contract since we both agreed divorce is never in the equation,” neither of you believe in tainting the sanctity of marriage - no matter what cause it was founded upon - with separation, “but god, the things you’re going through right now - i promise i’ll make things right.”

taehyung’s eyes tend to appear in different shades along with his emotions - though you know it’s most probably the lighting. dark brown is for when he’s scrutinizing the hollow smiles and empty compliments he gets at functions. but sometimes you find yourself catching hazel.

like right now, as they capture yours and look at you as if you’re the only one he sees.

“taehyung...” you thought you knew what you wanted to say when you said his name but as you get lost in the midnight dessert of his eyes, you’re not sure if you can even muster so much as a squeak without falling apart.

and that’s when a knock reverberates into the air like thunder, forcing you to jolt away from the man until no part of you is touching any part of him.

“hey,” a somber voice greets as jungkook leans against the doorframe, “so they fixed me up and the chairman wants me gone in,” he looks down at his wrist, “two minutes and fifty-three seconds.”

blinking away the remnants of the emotions away, you stand up, giving the man a once over. his button up is marred with a trickle of deep red a few inches over his chest, hair matted and face sporting different stages of bruising. the bleeding’s stopped for the most part.

“you’ve definitely seen better days,” you announce, walking around the couch to get to where the man is rolling his eyes at.

“sorry for calling you the w-word,” that’s definitely wasn’t what you were expecting which prompts the belated, almost suspicion induced,“...okay.”

“i did that because i needed to confirm something,” he goes on, eyes flitting over your shoulder where you know your husband is staring right back, burning holes inside your brother’s head before he looks back at you, taking a full 180 in attiude, “and don’t worry about mom and dad - i’ll take care of them.”

it takes you a moment to digest his proclamation, all the whilst hyperly aware of the hand that makes its way on your lower back as a familiar dior scent fills your senses, “so you’re not gonna drag me home?” as though disbelieving the words that came out of your mouth, you add, “that’s all it takes? a few punches to the face?”

the twitch of his eyebrow doesn’t go unnoticed by you. nor does the deep breath he forces himself to take at the blatant insult and insinuation of your future boxing lessons to which he warns, “don’t get any crazy ideas,” then he turns to the man next to you, “i let you hit me - let’s get that out of the way first.”

and before either you or taehyung manage to get a word in, jungkook hand comes flying to your forehead, a loud sound of skin smacking against skin echoing throughout the room as you tumble backwards with an audible “ow- hey!”, barely noticing the much larger hand that’s covering yours. inspecting the patch of skin where jungkook just flicked.

without even an apology for the uncalled for assault, he nods at something over your head, probably taehyung, “you take care of my sister, you hear me? cause there won’t be a second time.”

and then he’s gone like the wind - you would have tracked down that wind and give him a taste of his own medicine like you did when you were children. you’d jump on his back and attempt to bite a chunk of his head if your nannies didn’t pull you apart - but right now, you couldn’t escape taehyung’s hand on your waist even if you wanted to.

“let me see,” he instructs, gently coaxing your hand to unclasp the patch of skin on your forehead so he could softly blow on it.

you stay like that, standing at the doorway with your bodies too close and taehyung refusing to unhand you until your cheeks are replaced with a different kind of heat than the anger you felt for your god forsaken brother.

“god he’s an ass - you should’ve messed up his face more,” you huff, and you don’t know why - maybe it’s the way you stomp your foot, maybe it’s the way your cheeks tend to puff when you’re feeling vindictive or maybe it’s a mystery locked in taehyung’s head that you’ll never know but his chuckles sound like hymns in your ears.

and you thought that was the end of the electrified sensation on your skin where his touch lingers until you feel a pair of the softest lips on your forehead, right where the flick was supposed to throb. a grinning taehyung looking back at you as if asking, “my nanny used to do this to me when i bump my knee against a furniture...” a flash of worry blooms in his eyes for the briefest moment before he voices his concerns, “hope the magic still works.

the sight is heartwarming. endearing even. and you can’t help smile, cheeks hot, “it does - it doesn’t hurt anymore.”

and just as you thought he’s about to release you from the torment of having your heart skip multiple beats at a time and step back, he presses another peck on your forehead. a smile gracing his features, “another one for good measure.”

it’s a surprise your legs are still holding you up with how jelly-like they’ve become.

“th-thank you.”

mrs. kim discharged herself a week after the fight but not without standing in front of the hospital with her frilly fur coat and gucci handbag while she looks at the camera and consequently straight into the screen, “i have yet received a publicly apology for what jeon jungkook did to mine by the jeons. my taehyung couldn’t even kill a fly, let alone start a fist fight-” she shivers uncontrollably as though overcome with chills, “such a barbaric, uncivilized act can only come from-”

“you’re watching that?” a smooth baritone fills the room as a figure struts in beige slacks and oversized creme sweater, “again?”

he sits on the edge the backrest of the couch, looking down at you with an expression that makes your stomach churn. with butterflies or guilt for breaking your promise to stop checking out these articles, you don’t know.

“sorry,” you mumble, placing the ipad down a few inches from your feet as you bring your legs up against your chest, arms wrapped tightly around them, “worrying about how the press twists mother’s words comes from the plentiful of time i have on my hands after being sacked, i guess.”

it’s been a week since you’ve received your new schedule. to which you received a call right after to head to the headquarters in the heart of seoul only to be told that-

“___, you gotta understand, this whole fiasco going on with your family... it’s giving the airline a bad rep,” mr. bang leaned back against his recliner, his eyes hiding behind the beam of his glasses, “people are leaving bad reviews on the website that has absolutely nothing to do with our services but has everything to do with you and your husband.”

he meant the growing dissatisfaction upon the revelation of the artificiality of you and taehyung’s marriage.

nobody’s caught jungkook and taehyung in a video but there’d been witnesses and ‘sources’ affirming the two getting into a fistfight at the hospital. and so another record has been made in your long list of family drama.

“sir, please,” you could feel your eyebrows joining together from the sheer frustration and reality anchoring into the pit of your stomach, “i’ve been working for korean air -for seven years now- check my reconds,” hope blooms in your chest as you suggest the idea to your superior, “i’ve never been late, never had a customer complain about me, never made any mistakes prior to this-”

“it doesn’t matter what you did before this, ___,” he cut you off, voice heavy with emphasis.

but you weren’t backing out that easy, “please, it’s not fair to lay me off for something i have zero control in.”

at your wording, the man physically flinched, almost as though struck by a spear before he shook his head, denying your claims.

“you’re not fired,” he corrected, “you’re on paid leave... until everything calms down.”

it took everything in you not to let the frown slip onto your face. first it’s paid leave and then it a one month notice before they officially sack you - you’ve seen how this played out one too many times.

so you smiled, “with all due respect, mr. bang, how long is ‘until everything calms down’?”

the man’s shoulder line jolted as he shrugged, lower lip jutted out in a nonchalant nature, “that depends on how you choose to solve it, ___... i assume you are working on a solution, yes?”

it was a trick question. if you answered the affirmative, it’d be admitting what mrs. kim and almost everyone have been demanding - a divorce. if you answered no, then you’re as good as jobless.

“my husband and i are working on it,” was all you say.

when taehyung found out later that night - he was livid. he was a phone call away from calling up mr. ji to sue the airline for discrimination. it took you stealing his phone away and running around the penthouse until you made him promise that he’d listen to you first.

he did, and you’d wanted to wait it out and see because, “there isn’t any damage to build our ground on anyway because i’m not fired yet.”

“well, dinner’s ready ” taehyung’s soft as silk voice tears you apart from your memroies, hand levitating midair until you take it, hoisting yourself up.

taehyung pushes himself off the couch, walking on the other side with your hand in his. it’s comical but endearing all at once and you giggle at how neither of you are willing to let the other go even though you’ll have to once you reach the four-people dining table.

“thank you,” you say as you lower yourself on the seat while he pushes the chair in for you.

home cooked meals have become a norm for the both of you ever since that day taehyung punched jungkook in the face. at first, you insisted that you should be the one cooking since he was injured but he stayed with you in the kitchen and you talked about your day and reminisced about your childhood and how you similarly had nannies that forbade you from coming into the kitchen.

then there was the peck on the top of your forehead he started doing a few days ago after you were sat and before he went around the table to get to his seat that’s across from you.

“did you go shopping today?” he asks in between cutting up the steak which he stole a whole plate from you into mini slices.

“yeah, with hwasa,” you nod - the woman had been all too delighted to see you after mismatched schedules and ghostly texts because of life and work getting in the way.

“the friend from high school?” taehyung surprises you yet again as he places your plate back in front of you, this time with the pieces all cut into edible bites. you’ve never mentioned hwasa to him - but it’s not a lie that she’s your closest friend from high school who got accepted into the same training programme as you at the beginning of your career.

“thank you-” you shoot him a smile before picking up the fork and knife, “and yeah, that’s her. we haven’t seen each other for months so we kind of went a little crazy with the dresses.”

he doesn’t look up when he speaks his next words which is why you have a trouble digesting them as you involuntarily blurt out a, “sorry- what?”

“the dresses you bought,” he reiterates, an amused smile on his lips - possibly because of your almost-choked state, “- can i see them?”

“oh,” clear your throat once, sipping down the red wine before chuckling nervously, “hwasa bought dresses - didn’t.”

taehyung hums, head tilting to the side as though trying to capture your avoidant gaze, “then put on whatever you bought that i saw lying on your bed - the door was open when i passed your room.”

at that moment, to say your heart quite literally crash against the floor, would be an understatement. it takes you a minute to gather yourself, another to force out a laugh as you attempt to brush the thought of taehyung seeing the black and red laces from savage x fenty hwasa adamantly insited you get after a story time on why you decided to get married to how something has definitely shifted between you and taehyung.

but no amount of gushing and squealing about made up scenarios brewing from hwasa’s little head could prepare you for what’s happening right at this moment.

“oh those?” a chuckle, “those are aren’t even worth showing.”

and just as you thought he’ll let the matter go like he would when you dismissively mention something that he inquired about, taehyung takes a full 180, eyes clouded with a sort of emotion you don’t dare delve into, “that’s for me to decide,” he takes a sip of the wine, pushing his chair back as he stands up, “i’m done,” with that, he places his plate down where geom, your mixed breen papillion and silky terrier shouts out an appreciative woof at the pleasant surprise.

patting the canine briefly, he turns to you, those clouded eyes seeping into your soul, “put them on - i’ll be waiting in my room.”

his footsteps echo against the walls as he ascends the stairs and disappears into the hallway where his room lies across from yours. it is a whole solid minute later, once you hear the door of his room click shut, that you make a beeline for the couch where your phone lies lonely.

dialing up the only person you know you can hold accountable for, you quite literally scream at the ‘hell-’ with a “hwasa, he wants me to put the lingerie on and show him!”

while your voice drips with dread, the other woman, choosing to be willfully oblivious, screams into your ears, “oh my god - oh my god. then what are you doing calling me?! go put them on!”

and that’s how you end up holding in a breath while deliberately repeating hwasa’s not so helpful pep talk of ‘you’re the hottest’ and ‘kim taehyung will be wrapped around your fingers by the end of the night!’

“but it’s been over a year - i’m not sure if i even know how to moan!” you’d protested while pull the strap of the garter around your thigh.

that was half an hour ago.

now, you’re debating on whether to knock like you would have before you started cuddling into the other while watching tv. but before that, you’d never did anything together unless it was family dinners and gatherings.

so you opt for pushing down the handle. the sharp ‘click’ being the only announcement of your entrance. taehyung’s walls are a deep shade of maroon almost black with the lights on its lowest setting. the sound of music playing in the background barely registers in your mind as you focus your attention to the figure that’s pushing himself up from his laying down position.

you resist the temptation to run and hide under the comfort your covers - an opposed response compared to your confident stride, placing one foot after the other until you stand a good two feet away from the bed and taehyung.

“what do you think?” the smile brandished over your face is nothing like your racing heart whlist you do a little twirl- but then again, you’ve always been such an actress.

“if the world were made of diamonds, i’d choose the rose before me... because you’re the most beautiful thing i’ve ever laid eyes on,” you wonder how he doesn’t even blink as those words pour out of his mouth, hand finding its way in the dip of your waist. staring. admiring.

“always the charmer,” you want to curse yourself for the unoriginal come back yet taehyung doesn’t seem to notice as he lets you push him to the bed whilst his eyes undress what little piece of clothing you have on as you crawl on top of him.

your toes curl at the sound of taehyung’s excruciatingly slow exhalation - almost as though he intends for it to caress your ears and seep into your pores before settling into the pit of your core.

the sharp charm of dior fills your senses as you place kisses on his neck, tucking his flesh between your teeth ever so gently, not expecting the delectable surprise that slips out of his mouth.

who would have thought kim taehyung was a moaner?

the giggle that trickles out of your mouth is blamelessly involuntary but catches his attention nonetheless, “what?”

“oh, nothing,” you nibble on his earlobe before whispering into his ears, “just thinking of how cute you’ll look moaning for me.”

and you’ve easily add to the long list of things you won’t forgive yourself in the morning. yet you still caress his growing size through his pants, giggling when the delicious sound hits the air for the second time.

“take it out,” he whimpers after one too many teases, “please.”

“only because you said please,” the way his chin tilts to follow your lips after you pecked them doesn’t go unnoticed by you but you clasp your hand against his chest, pinning him down with a shake of your head “uh-uh, you get up when i tell you to.”

the excruciating ‘fuck’ that leaves his lips is what truly lights up the flame in the pit of your stomach. you watch as his hand goes up to run through his hair in a sexually frustrated nature but doesn’t attempt to push himself up after that.

it only takes a few pumps for the clear fluid of precum to trickle over your hand, letting you smear all over his hardened dick and causing it to glisten underneath the luminescence of the room.

sparks shoot through your core and strike your heart into an erratic rhythm when you lower yourself over him, holding the slit of the black lace undergarment apart until he’s hitting every delicious inch inside of you.

you’ve barely even started to move when you break out into a cry, falling into his arms like a puppet whose strings got cut off. the arms around you are gentle as they hold you against him until you’ve come down from your high.

by the time you push yourself up, your knees are still trembling yet you nod when he cups your cheeks and forces you to look into those concern filled eyes, “are you good?”

“i’m fine,” the sniffle is probably the last thing you need to convince him, “i lost myself for a moment.”

this time, it’s his turn to chuckle, lips curling into a smirk, “it’s completely understandable to admit that you couldn’t hold out for more than a minute because i stretched you out so good.”

you want to protest - want to gain back the control you lost when he hit that sweet spot not even, yes, as he says, a minute into taking him in. but one single thrust right against that same exact spot and you’re whimpering in utter submission and devotion.

“that’s what i thought,” that damned smirk is the last thing you see before you succumb to his every wishes and command until you find yourself with a strong arm banded over your stomach, another arm reaching for a pillow and puffing it up before you feel yourself being gently lowered face flushed into it - the smallest gesture of tenderness that you didn’t expect to witness when you decided to tease him in the beginning.

the yelp when taehyung’s hands slip under the strap of the garter, doesn’t even manage to form fully when a moan replaces it as he yanks the garter and consequently, your ass against him, forcing you to swallow his entire length in one stroke.

“god, you’re so big,” if you were a little sober and a whole lot more conscious, you would have added that into the list of things you said that you would cringe at in the morning.

but you’re already one orgasm down in the foreseeable long list of orgasms that kim taehyung promises you as he sinks into you, moaning out your name like a holy mantra.

“i know you love it,” he agrees oh so innocently for someone who’s about to thrust into you like a godless being.

five strokes in and you’re cursing and screaming out in pleasure, hands gripping onto the duvet for dear life as you feel you convulse into a state of toe-curling euphoria. the way taehyung stops moving and trails down butterfly kisses down your back until the tensed muscles in your lower abdomen simmers down into pleasured twitches, doesn’t go by you.

“you can move now,” another sniffle, but this one has completely and irrevocably succumbed to your rawest desires.

it’s the soft chuckle and the one last peck on your left shoulder blade that has your heart stuttering. ungodly opposite to the way he moves his hips as he thrusts into you without so much as a warning - your last two orgasms were just preambles. ones out of the many that night that has you writhing and moaning in pleasure. some of which were incited by sides of you, you didn’t know existed.

the last thing you recall is taehyung gathering you in his arms like he couldn’t bear to be apart from you even in his sleep now that he’s had a taste. it’s endearing and daunting all at once. because for the first time since your marriage, you’re afraid of losing him.

a few days after that, you’re tying away on your macbook when taehyung comes home looking less like the man you knew. his hair, disheveled from having run his hand through them more than his hair gel allows. his eyes, carrying a sort of weight that latches onto him like parasites - or maybe that’s just the papparazzo that you noticed have been following you around. their numbers have decreased considerably after the rumor of taehyung hiring a team of lawyers which was no rumor at all.

it was the morning after you woke up with tingly legs barely able to function like it should and muscles sore but a sort of fullness in your chest when you noticed the man whose arms are wraped around you like a protective cocoon as he faintly snored away.

then came the muted sound of your phone from the other side of the hallway where your room door beckons you into its domain. it wasn’t as obnoxiously loud since it was at least twenty feet away and you would have ignored it and gone back to bed if not for the short interval signaling the person calling had finally reached the mailbox or hung up on their own. that was, before they hit call for the second time.

slipping out of taehyung’s arms, you trudged to your room with half a mind to give whoever this caller is a piece of your mind - god’s sake, the flashy red digits on your alarm clock stares at you at 5:23 in the morning.

“this better be good, hwasa or i swear-” before you can even finish the woman is already screaming into your ear like she’s being chased by an axe murderer.

“oh my god, oh my god - have you seen the news?!” except no woman chased by a murderer would sound this exhilarated, she went on before you could even get a “no one in their right mind would be checking the news at ass crack-” out.

“oh shoot, it’s still 5 something in korea, isn’t it?” she gasped - if you weren’t on paid leave, you’d be in hong kong, probably sharing rooms and getting tipsy in some club there, “but anyway, kadore’s chairman is suing insight, pullbbang and other websites for slander!” she shrieked.

"what?” you could feel the muscles on your face pulling into a contorted confusion but

after hanging up and telling hwasa you were going to look into the matter some more, you’d come up with multiple articles stating a similar fact as your overly enthusiastic best friend did. still in denial, you’d confronted your husband about it- he was still sleeping soundly when you strutted in and shook him up to which he confessed, eyes droopy and face puffy. the sight was so foreign to you because you were used to seeing him fresh and suited up but you’d found yourself making a little space in your heart for barely-just-woken-up-taehyung to reside in.

first came anger - you didn’t ask for him to do this, “what would everyone think if i went to you crying about a little bit of criticism for something i did do?” then came confusion because what exactly did you do that was so horrendously heineous to warrant these websites to write such malicious statements about you?

taehyung had seen every flash of emotions that pooled in your eyes and tugged on your fingers - you weren’t sure if he’d meant it but it successfully pulled you from drowning in your own thoughts, “i told you i’d make things right - these people won’t be able to say another word about you unless it’s the truth- that you’re a hardworking, amazing woman who deserves everything she has and yes,” he fixed you the most tender, sleepy smile “that includes the money i make - what’s the point of working if i can’t even provide my wife with the best?”

taehyung tosses the beige tuxedo onto the handrest of the couch adjacent to where you’re sitting with one leg up in nothing but a loose fitted sweater that hangs off your left shoulder. the half empty wine glass lies untouched on the coffee table since you’d put it down.

with a thump, he sinks himself into the leather material of the couch, hands cupping his face, as though if he rubs it hard enough, the deadset frown would go away.

before you know it, you’re padding over to the couch he’s on, hands finding their ways onto his shoulders, massaging the noticeable tension in his muscles until a grateful sigh slips out of his mouth, hand guiding your own to his lips where he presses a kiss on your knuckles.

only when you go around to take the spot next to him, hand smoothing out his hair, do you finally say, “is it the board again?”

mina has been keeping you updated on the turbulence that was caused by your fraudulent marriage being exposed. the chairman seat became taehyung by default when he got married as per his father’s will. but the board members have been vocal about abrogating his rights to succeeding kadore.

“there’s talk about votes demoting me to director,” he’s never sound so fragile - in taehyung’s long list of fluctuating interest from women and men to art and sculptures and to yatches and sports cars, kadore is probably the only thing he’s ever taken seriously.

you would know - seeing him decked in armani with soft wavy hair contrasting his strong features, weren’t your only reason for accepting his proposal of marriage. it had more to do with the way he spoke about the company. in a dimly lit room just like now, with a wine glass in his hand and the cityscape underneath that gave an illusion of stilled fireflies scattered all across the city, taehyung had spoken of his unforgivable regrets. the deals he’d let pass by. the merges he’d settled with instead of aiming higher. the brands he didn’t reach out to.

those regrets birthed fears and those fears were what made him even entertain the notion of a beneficial marriage.

or as the board likes to call it, an atrociously wickedly schemed marriage.

“they won’t have a ground to depose you to a director’s position if they can’t provide a solid reason,” you say and he blinks, clueless, hopeless.

it’s almost as if you’re facing a whole different man.

“what do you mean?”

“i’m talking about us doing what we do best,” you fix him a smile - one that probably needs a little convincing and grounding but a smile nonetheless, “we show them that the kims aren’t to be messed with,” you pause, letting the silence settle into brimming suspense before finally saying, “it’s been awhile since we’ve made a public appearance together, hasn’t it? how does lunch sound like?”

and so goes your multiple appearances in the most top notch restaurant together. the lack of chauffeur wasn’t intentional but helpful nonetheless to prove that the chairman was hopeless and irrevocably mad for his wife that he’d drive all the way to wherever she was to pick her up and then drive them to the designated restaurant instead of the convenience of meeting at said restaurant from wherever you both were prior to that.

then there was the hand holding, hip grabbing and not going a minute without smiling and giggling about what the other said. to outsiders, it would have looked as if things hadn’t been all that different - except you’d finally came out of your 1 billion doller cave after the whole ‘fiasco’ with your families. but it was the little hand kisses and forehead pecks in between taehyung making mini runs to get to your side to open your car door.

and the ‘how was your day’s and which are followed by a ‘you’re still deadset on working, huh?’s each time you told him about your in-the-work resume since you’re ‘at the risk of getting a notice of resignation any time soon’.

“what if you started your own business? i could buy a whole building in nonhyeon-dong that you could make as your headquarters?” he offers in between twirling the pasta around his fork after you insisted that- “my job is the only thing that i’ve got going on for me to prove that i’m not a gold-digger that everyone thinks i am.”

“i was thinking more like travelling from place to place like...” you shoot him a ‘you know’ smile before adding, “a cabin crew.”

“one of korean air’s biggest shareholders are letting go of her stock because her color pencil business isn’t doing so well these days,” he nods, deeply contemplative, “they’re gonna be sacking a few employees if they don’t get buyers by the next two months,” he surmises with a concluding nod to which you end up laughing and almost choking on your food.

picking up the water on your right, you quickly gulp it down before clarifying as to why you found his statement so funny that you’d risk your esophagus in the process, “no, tae,” that nickname is also one of the little things that just happens - you don’t miss the tuck in the corners of his lips when it slips off your tongue, “it’s sweet of you to want to buy me a share of the airline i’m working for but that’s the thing, it’s your money,” you reach out for his hand, smiling when he meets yours halfway.

a warm pressure engulfs your hand as he squeezes briefly, “and i told you, what’s mine is yours.”

“likewise,” you fix him a grateful smile, “but i like flying. i like being a cabin crew - on top of holding onto my job to prove people wrong, of course.”

the longest pause hovers over you like a grey clouds with taehyung’s beautiful but contemplating eyes holding you captive. as though trying to take you out part by part, trying to figure you out.

“then, what would you like me to do?” the question catches you off guard, like being hit by a wild baseball even though you’re walking right next to a baseball field, “you’ve always been so good at taking care of yourself - when you broke down in front of me... at the hospital... i didn’t know what to do-” his lips quiver just the slightest bit, almost as though holding back invisible tears, “tell me what to do. because it feels like everything i do isn’t the slightest bit helpful. ”

all of a sudden, the sands of time seem to have stopped, levitating midair within the dip of the hourglass. it’s daunting but heartbreaking at the same time - the sight of raw fear and uncertainty that’s pooling within taehyung’d eyes like unmoving river - you never knew your attempts to hold up your values reflects as a declaration of nonessential to taehyung’s own attempts to reach out to you.

“i don’t need you - to fight my battles, to solve my problems for me - though i’m immensely grateful that you did,” you say after what feels like an eternity, “but i want you so... stay as you are, supporting me like you’re doing now.”

“i don’t know if that counts as support - i’m not doing anything,” he counters, eyes downcasted until you reach out your other hand to cover his that’s already holding your left hand.

“you are - you never invalidated my feelings of wanting to work, you encouraged me to do bigger things and that means you believe in me - maybe i will take up that offer in the future but right now, i want to keep doing what i always have been,” you fix him a smile, “and i want to do it with you by my side.”

the tiniest of smile that slips onto his face tells you that his heart is still in a state of unrest. unconvinced. but he’s trying as he nods, “if that’s what you want,” and you thought that’s the end of it. until the foreshadowing “but,” that comes a second later, “i’m not gonna stop worrying and trying to fix things - we’re married, your problems are my problems too.”

the chuckle escapes your mouth signifies the good natured jest of your next words as you summon your hands back, already missing the warmth of his much larger ones around you, “well we weren’t exactly on that term until just recently.”

a shadow casts itself over taehyung’s handsome face as he picks up his fork, “that’s something i’ll regret for the rest of my life - not getting to know you beyond the contract sooner.”

“everyone makes mistakes,” you shrug before taking a peek at his expression as you mention a certain free spirited woman, “besides, you were too caught up with jeongyeon on our first year of marriage.”

she had been one of the few people who’d managed to bring out a side of taehyung you never knew existed.

boyish. bratty. someone who actually bicker and whines about the littlest things and everything that was on the opposite spectrum the crisp, suit-wearing, slicked back hair, charming man you married. sometimes, when you go out to dinners or the little moments when you find yourselves alone while attending functions, you see glimpses of that playful, boyish side of him. the human side of him.

over time, you realize that that’s also part of what makes taehyung... well, taehyung. it’s just only recently that you start seeing more than glimpses of these sides behind closed doors.

the way his eyes widen is enough for you to know that you’ve hit the nail right on its head. if the incomprehensible stuttering isn’t, “that... i was... we didn’t-”

“i know,” you fix him a jesting smile, “you may be a certified charmer for the most part but you’re not a homewrecker, tae.”

lunch goes on with you talking about how your father and brother are thrilled to have you and taehyung over for your monthly dinner. to which the man was partly confused and partly shivered in his seat at the thought of sitting down at a table with two of your favorite men in the world no doubt shooting him daggers while you’re not watching - or pretend that you don’t notice.

“i can’t avoid father forever,” he laments, finally giving into his fate as you walk out the restaurant, “and i have a lot of owning up to do to your family.”

“as do i,” you hum in agreement once before murmuring a ‘thank you’ as he holds the car door open after tipping the valet.

it’s only five minutes into the ride, once the car rolls to a stop at a red light does he turn to you, “you know, you don’t have to... with mom, reconciliation is a two way thing and she...” you notice the way his grip tightens around the wheel, eyes darkening as he breathes in, grounding himself “- she even made you file for divorce.”

the papers she’d given you that day still lied in your drawer, hidden away from taehyung’s pyromaniac hands. you’d caught him almost setting them on fire when you he found it lying on the counter after he’d returned home. all because spent a good chunk of the afternoon staring at it before leaving it to take a hot bath, not realizing taehyung would be home any time soon. ever since then, he hadn’t been on speaking terms with mrs. kim. turned down offers for dinners and luncheons, as he had directly told her in front of you through a phone call, “...not until you apologize to ___ first.”

“tae, mother was hurt by our lies and i understand why, i can’t promise i’ll be as accepting if i found out the daughter-in-law i cherished so much didn’t marry my son for love like i thought they did,” you lightly pat his hand that’s on the gear but instead he captures your fingers between his and guide them to his lips as he traps you within those beautiful eyes.

“you’re too kind for your own good, you know that?” there they are again, hazel underneath the light. but clouded with a sort of emotion you can’t pinpoint.

but before you can even muster a word, his eyes are already focused on the road as the car propels itself forward. but he doesn’t let go of your hand. he keeps it twined with his between yours and the gear. almost as if he didn’t want to be apart from you if he could help it. and neither could did you as you rub tiny motions into the back of his hand.

in your defense, you’ve stolen a precious gem from her that no money or gold could ever replace. and no matter how much you cherish the bond that formed after hours spent on shopping, tea times and mother-daughter (in-law) vacations, you’re not kind enough to unwrap him from your little fingers.

a smile curls on your lips as you guide taehyung’s hand to yours, placing a kiss on his knuckles and watching as his own lips tuck at the corners.

you’ll just have to make it up to mother some other way.

note. if you enjoy this then please leave a comment either below or in my inbox! and check out the other members’ installments to the series filed under ‘verse’ on top!

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twentytarot · 4 years ago

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hi everyone! i’ve been hard at work with my job this past month but i am finally done and back with a reading. today, we’re doing a reading on marriage in your life in general. pick the tiffiany ring that sets your thoughts off, triggers a memory or invokes a strong emotion and scroll right down for your reading. see you there! 💍

CONTENT WARNING: there are negative piles here. not every pile has a future spouse.

PILE ONE: CUSHION CUT

if you were handed an ultimatum and forced to choose between marriage and work, you’d probably get into your car and go to work the next morning. this makes things a little complicated, because you’re ambitious, you’re feisty, you hate it when your time and attention is used up on something that doesn’t matter to you. if you get married, however, your time will be eroded by many things that don’t matter in hindsight. you see, there will always be ridiculous in-laws, there will always be someone that will want your help so long as it is available. someone is going to want kids, even if that decision is completely irrelevant to them, or something dumb like that. no married couple gets out of having to deal with these things, and no couple gets through it without fighting over it a single time. so, my question to you is: will you have the patience to see this through? or will you fold?

unfortunately, the cards don’t predict the best of outcomes when it comes to your marriage. you probably will decide not to get married in the first place. if you do, you might remarry, or get into a questionable third-party situation. yet, i don’t see this being a huge hindrance on your life as a whole. you seem to me like the kind of person who cares less about having an other half compared to your friends, and i think you are going to have so much going for you in other facets in your life that you won’t be clinging onto this relationship when it goes south. this gives me celebrity vibes, almost, like someone who can never be home and the relationship ends because work is so demanding. so this will be a little sad, but i’m confident you will pick yourself back up quickly.

astrologically, cancer came out very strong, and the interpretation i want to go with is that your most significant relationship will be very cancerian in nature. comforting at first, but ultimately probably not aligned with what you want to do with your life. that’s alright, you’ll be able to afford your own diamond ring anyway.

PILE TWO: SOLITARE

well, pile two, it looks like someone told you “if no one is going to marry you, i will”, and then they took it seriously. i kid, but i do see an element of your future spouse being someone you didn’t expect at all. perhaps you thought they would just be a best friend that knows all your secrets. and yet, this person knows your darkest secrets and then offers you love in its purest form. i get the feeling you’re not quite used to that, pile two. i’m hearing this underlying feeling of “what if i give too much, wait what if i give too little”, and i think this is partly because you haven’t seen first-hand a marriage that is of the kind you want to be in. it feels like you’re not sure if happy marriages exist in your world. well, they do. it just turns out that you give just the right amount when you’re not trying, which is why a best friend finally becomes your spouse.

this person will be with you through thick and thin, you will feel like they are your soulmate. you will always feel balanced in your relationship with this person because they will always be silently watching the scales, tipping it this way and that whenever something is about to swing out of balance. they will help you feel like you have nothing to worry about, they will bring a childlike kind of happiness into your life.

now, onto a little bit of warning. no marriage is only ever happy, and i sense that your source of pain will come from outside influences. money is one, health is another. you will be very much together, but it’s a blessing and a curse because when one goes down, the other follows. the advice to you is to try your best to lift each other up through bad times, and know when you have to detach and go do your thing alone for the good of your future with them. you don’t have to always turn around to make sure they’re following, they’re your forever! they’ll be there.

PILE THREE: ROSE INFINITY

your marriage isn’t going to be a very fast-paced one— when you meet your future person, you’re going to be eons away from being ready to get married, and they will be the same. i almost feel like you will laugh at yourself when you start dating this person. the relationship just isn’t... pretty. this person almost brings out the worst in you: you fight them about the stupidest things and rile them up all the time just because it’s funny. there’s ten separate occasions where you’re pretty sure you should have been dumped or dumped them for some iconic out of left field insults, but for some reason it’s just funny after you’ve both calmed down. so it’s fun, and it’s so 20-something, but you’re preparing yourself for the inevitable breakup. and then... it somehow never comes.

somewhere along the lines, you grew up, and so did they. you didn’t know it then, but this person brings the best out of you as much as they bring out the worst. like a tantrum that just has to be thrown before a little child can settle down, you took your growing pains out on each other, and then somehow managed to fit into each others’ lives forever without even thinking about it. you give each other love naturally, flowing with each other and keeping each other sane. after you get married, there’s a feeling of “i can rest when this person is around” kind of energy because you trust each other to come out with the truth when it needs to be said, but you also trust that the person will be there to pick up the pieces if you break.

so this person isn’t as good-looking as you hoped or imagined. or they’re not the type to show you off, and they’re not really the type that wants to be showed off either. so maybe someone made a joke at their expense and you laughed. the beauty of all of that is, despite all of that, they love you and will for a long time. isn’t that already more than we can ask for, as mere mortals?

PILE FOUR: YELLOW HALO

okay... there are two groups of people in this pile. let’s talk similarities first. your partner is going to be quite eccentric. visual arts came up in particular, so perhaps your partner will be an artist? the last similarity is that marriage is unlikely, but as for why, it depends on which interpretation resonates more with you.

for the first group, this is probably my lgbt+ in a place that hasn’t legalised marriages not between a man and a woman pile. for reasons that seem bigger than yourself, marriage is unlikely in your life. i feel a lot of unwelcome judgement coming from this group. i think you might not get too much support around you; maybe your parents have something against people who are not in “professional degree” jobs, or your family and environment as a whole is very conservative. regardless, you will be with this person, but it might be beyond both of your abilities to get married for real. :( i’m sorry, i wish the world were kinder.

if the first interpretation doesn’t resonate, then it has something more to do with your stubbornness. everyone wants someone that will take them for exactly who they are. that doesn’t change the fact that no two people are completely perfect for each other, though. every couple starts by taking apart their schedule and fitting the other’s in. tolerating strawberry shortcakes on their partner’s birthday even if they hate strawberries. stopping their work short even if it means that coming back to it will be hard because their partner needs something. advice here is to rethink your mindset. you could be very successful in your career, but if you think you won’t be able to go home to an empty bed, or you know that family is what you want in the future, then see how you can be more considerate to the people around you. we don’t always like to hear this, but being considerate and selfish is a never-ending balancing game, so don’t feel too bad. you’re not a bad person! these things just take time. whichever way you choose, i hope it’s the one that makes you the happiest!

#pick a card #pick a pile #pick a card reading #pick a pile reading #tarot reading #free tarot reading

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crazycatsiren · 4 years ago

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Let's talk about witchcraft and emotions

This is something that's been on my mind for a while. I'm going to talk about this based on my own experiences and personal thoughts. This may or may not be the case for others, so take it and use it as simply my advice that may or may not be different from others.

My opinion: it is not only impractical, but also impossible, to perform witchcraft with a calm, still, blank, neutral, or peaceful state of mind every time and at all times. In fact, I think it is downright counterproductive and even hindering.

My magic works, because I pour so much of myself into it, and my emotions and feelings and states of mind are all parts of the package. My spells work, because every one of them carries a bit of me in it, and that includes me mentally and emotionally.

I'm going to give you an example dear to my heart here. One year ago, a very close friend of mine suddenly lost someone whom she'd known her whole life. A dear friend of hers died very unexpectedly and tragically in a car crash, and when the shock wore off, she was a puddle on the floor. She sought my help, because she desperately wanted to cope and to move on. So I brought her into my sacred room, cast a circle around the two of us, and the first thing I did was to give her a safe space to cry and let it all out. And I shedded my own tears with hers, because seeing my friend whom I love so much in such grief broke my heart. Then I performed my part of the ritual, and left her with instructions to perform her part. Later, after everything was complete, she came to me and told me that she was "back", that she had let him go, and that although she would continue taking her time to grieve for him, she was able to go on with her life and move forward from there.

Mental health professionals everywhere have their bits to say about human emotions. They will tell us that suppressing and refusing to acknowledge emptions is not healthy and not beneficial to anything. Humans are emotional beings. Emotions make us human. Our emotions make us who we are and give us our powers. Emotions are natural. Repressing emotions is the unnatural thing to do. Being as empathetic as I am, being able to feel so much and so deeply may sometimes feel like a curse. But over the years, I have learned to channel this ability and use it to help others.

There are witches out there with chronic illnesses and mental illnesses, for whom moments of complete and total tranquility are few and far in between. Negative feelings and emotions aren't all "bad". All positive all the time is simply not realistic. There's always going to be a balance, a contrast, a yin and a yang. As we mature, we learn how to process and moderate our negativities. For me, with the help of medications and therapy, I'm able to keep my negative feelings and emotions from consuming me and taking over my life. As a witch, with time and experience, I've even learned how to use them to my advantage.

Yes, there are times when I do need to "clear" my mind. There are times, when self control is a necessity on my part. Divination is the main case here. But this is a skill that's taken many, many years for me to hone and master. Mental clarity is not always without effort and control. When impartiality is called for, I am able to compartmentalize and put everything in my mind on the back burner. For my readings and interpretations to be accurate, objectivity is a priority. And if that means momentarily "emptying" my mind out and letting myself be in the state of a shell, well, it works for me. It's how I know that divination is my niche.

Allowing myself to naturally feel and emote is what fuels my magic. The fire in me is what makes me the artist that I am, and the witch that I am. If I were totally chill without an ounce of madness in me, I doubt I'd be successful at being either.

(Photo by Helen Warner)

#witchy queue #witchy advice #witchy thoughts #witchy life #witches of tumblr #witchblr #feelings #emotions #magic #witchcraft #witch community #also personal #solitary witch #eclectic witch #witchcraft and emotions

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mysticalnightenthusiast · 3 years ago

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S.N.A.F.U CH66-‘Your Story’

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After lunch at a nearby café during which he stayed resolutely silent Daniel returned to the courthouse for the afternoon session. Before he joined Darren, Wills and Ralph Eadaoin pulled him aside and hugged him.

“Be strong,” she said “you’ve got this, I love you.”

Daniel met her eyes and managed to force a small smile.

“Love you too,” he murmured pressing a kiss to her forehead and returning her hug “I love you so goddamn much.”

Eadaoin gave her boyfriend a final peck on the lips then squeezed his hand, turned and made her way back to the public gallery where she resumed her seat between Michael and Max. Justice Wickstead was announced back into the court then the proceedings resumed. For the rest of the afternoon Lewis, Toto, Valtteri, Zak, Lando and Esteban made their way up into the witness box and all gave glowing and very detailed assessments of Daniels character in personal and professional capacity. Toto recalled how Daniel taught Jack his youngest some Italian every time the child came to the track and volunteered to baby sit him when he and Susie had a date night when in Monaco, Valtteri told the story about when he first came into F1 how Daniel was the first to welcome him into the community of drivers even though they were in different teams and how when he made the move to Monaco Daniel helped with the heavy lifting and helped him unpack his belongings and set up his apartment. Zak told the court how though not known to the public Daniel was a driving force behind the social justice causes McLaren supported and often attended marketing meetings outside the time he was require at the MTC because he believed so fervently in the company he worked for. Esteban told the story of when he came back into Formula One Racing after a difficult year on the sidelines that Daniel welcomed him back into the fold quite literally with opened arms and his support on and off the track meant that the two men were fast friends and whenever they were in Monaco made the time to socialize or have a game of Padel or squash and last of all Lando gave the longest and most impassioned statement that aside from his family the one person who supported him most after being mugged at the Euro 2020 final football match and helped him deal with the negative impact to his mental health was Daniel. He recounted an incident during which he had a severe panic attack at before the Russian GP the curly haired Australian had talked him through the attack and made sure he was seen by the then on course doctor and later McLaren’s psychologist. He got quite emotional toward the end of his statement and reiterated “I’ve known Daniel for three years and been his team mate for nearly twelve months, not once in that entire time have I ever seen him be rude, sarcastic, angry or in anywhere near violent to anyone. I have never been so sure someone is lying like the plaintiff like I am today and that is a hill I am more than willing to die on!”

“Thank you for your assessment today Lando it’s been extremely appreciated,” Darren said in a soft voice “m’lady I have finished questioning the witness.”

“Would you like to question Mr Norris Mr Albrecht?” Justice Wickstead asked.

Albrecht hurriedly conferred with Jem then got to his feet.

“Not at this point in time m’lady” the barrister replied “I have what I need to at the moment.”

“Alright Mr Norris unless you have any more information you think would be beneficial to the court you may vacate the witness box.”

Lando nodded then got up and made his way back to the public gallery. Eadaoin excused herself to Max and Michael then quietly got up and went to the row behind her seat and sat next to Lando who was clearly still distressed, his face red and tears threatening to spill down his cheeks.

“Thank you for standing up for Danny like that,” she murmured embracing the younger man “will you be alright?”

Lando sniffed and nodded

“Yeah I’ll be alright,” he murmured returning her hug.

Eadaoin reached into her handbag and fished out a clean handkerchief.

“Here,” she said “take this.”

Lando took the handkerchief with a watery smile and quietly blew his nose. Eadaoin then grasped his hand and squeezed it reassuringly before turning her attention back to the front of the court room.

“Mr Cook I understand you have one more witness to call to the stand?” Justice Wickstead said peering over the top of her glasses.

“I do m’lady and if it pleases the court I would like to call Daniel Joseph Ricciardo to the stand.”

There was a tense silence punctuated only by Jem’s audible huff as Daniel got to his feet and chin held high strode to the front of the court room where he ascended the steps to the witness box and was sworn in. Darren sat on the edge of the desk and put on a smile.

“Thanks for coming to tell your story Danny,” he said “How are you doing?”

Daniel took a deep breath and exhaled noisily

“There’s room for improvement,” he admitted “Definitely had better days.”

“Of course I totally understand, now I was wondering if you’d be so kind as to tell the court about your relationship you shared with the Plaintiff, right from when you first met?”

“Sure, well we met in year ten at Newman College when she transferred from another school and joined the Italian Language and Culture club I was involved with. We didn’t become a couple straight away because I was with someone else and rally busy with karting,” Daniel began “fast forward eighteen months and I had broken up with my first girlfriend and our year twelve formal was coming up, I was a bit down about the end of my previous relationship and she asked me to be her date and I thought ‘what the hell’ and said yes. From there we became a proper couple in all aspects. She came to all of my races and spent a lot of time at home with my family. She and my sister Michelle became good friends and for all intents and purposes she became part of the family.”

“And what happened when you left Australia to drive overseas?”

“It was difficult,” Daniel admitted “with the time difference in Italy and the fact she was in uni and studying there weren’t too many times we could stay in touch but I flew home whenever I could and she came to Europe whenever she could, usually in the uni holidays. It was like that for the longest time then I got into F1 and she graduated and had a bit more of a flexible schedule. She would come to Europe often and for weeks at a time and it was wonderful it really was. I was living the dream, I had my dream job, dream girl and loads of money-much more than I was used to anyway.”

“So would it be accurate to say your relationship at that point was solid?”

“Yes very much so, we both worked hard at what we had,” Daniel replied “we both come from families where both our parents had been together since their teens like we had been and even though my main life priority at the time was my career I thought one day we would get married, move back to Perth and have a couple of kids you know the usual thing.”

“At any point did you doubt the strength of your relationship?”

“Absolutely not, I thought we were solid right up until I caught her in the company of Cyril,” Daniel replied honestly “not once in the twelve years we were together did I ever doubt her commitment to the relationship. I had no reason to doubt it, No one in my family has committed adultery against their partner and I was brought up in a home where the solid relationship of my parents and grandparents and our faith were the cornerstone of my own beliefs.”

“So where do you think it all went wrong?”

Daniel took a deep breath and exhaled noisily.

“I’ve asked myself that question hundreds of times since last December.” He replied in a thick voice and I honestly couldn’t tell you. Having not stepped out on anyone I’ve been with I couldn’t tell you what the motivation for doing so is.”

“Of course, could you please tell the court....for the benefit of clarity and the truth what happened on the night you found Miss Boskovich in the company of Mr Abiteboul?”

“Um okay,” Daniel replied in a very shaky voice “well seeing as it was the final race for that season she flew into Abu Dhabi with me on the Monday immediately preceding the race. I don’t normally fly to a race destination that early because my commitments don’t usually start til media day on the Thursday, I wanted to spend some time with her so we flew in early and once we were settled into our hotel we hit the town and did all the usual touristy couple-things, went to the movies, went indoor sky diving and ate out somewhere different for every meal, I had a great time. Then Thursday-media day began and I had to focus on the tasks required of me for my job.”

“What sort of contact did you have with Miss Boskovich from the Thursday onwards?”

“Very little,” Daniel admitted “if she came to he track with me we’d see each other for meal breaks or five minutes here five minutes there until I could leave and return to the hotel otherwise I wouldn’t see her all day til I returned to the hotel at night and even when I was exhausted and only wanting to go to bed I always made sure to share dinner with her or stay up and ask about her day.”

“So could you tell us about the night of the pitlane party?”

“O-okay, well things had been chugging along really well, music was blaring the booze was flowing it was an up-beat casual atmosphere. I was talking with Max and Christian outside the Red Bull garage when I noticed I hadn’t seen her for a while so I finished my drink and went in search for her further down the pitlane. I heard some....erm noises coming front the Renault garage and went to investigate and that’s when I found her-”

“I have a name you know!” Jem interjected loudly.

“Will you just shut up for once?” Albrecht hissed in a rather carrying whisper “Jesus Christ!”

Daniel couldn’t help it and let out a snort of laughter which he quickly covered by grabbing the glass of water in front of him and taking a huge gulp if its contents.

“Anyway I found her leaning on my car having rather loud and enthusiastic intercourse with Cyril,” he continued.

“And could you tell us-the court what happened next?” Darren asked.

“Well I don’t remember anything aside from this deep burning level of rage I’d never felt before or since,” Daniel replied “I remember shoving Cyril aside, he then tripped over because his jeans were literally around his ankles I then grabbed a tyre iron and threatened to hit him with it then the next thing I remember was Toto, Lewis, Valtteri, Christian and Max grabbing me and holding me back.”

“Did you at any point strike Mr Abiteboul with the tyre iron, fist or other weapon?”

“Not with the tyre iron but I did punch him,” Daniel admitted “only once though, not for a lack of trying though, because his jeans were around his ankles and he kept tripping over himself in an attempt to get away from me I suppose.”

“Did you yourself suffer any injuries?”

“Yes, I broke the scaphoid bone I my right wrist, thought I didn’t know that at the time,” Daniel replied “I didn’t know what happened til later that night when Max an Robert the Renault team doctor made me go to hospital where I was x-rayed and casted.”

“Do you think you broke your scaphoid bone because of punching Mr Abiteboul?”

“Possibly?” Daniel replied a questioning lilt to his voice “I was full of alcohol and adrenaline, I didn’t notice my wrist hurting til Max and I got back to the hotel.”

From across the courtroom Jem huffed loudly and rolled her eyes.

“At any point since you entered the garage and found Miss Boskovich and Mr Abiteboul together did you hit, or strike Miss Boskovich or make any attempt to hit or strike her either with your fist or any other weapon at hand?”

“Absolutely not,” Daniel replied emphatically “I don’t believe in hitting women, never have, never will hit a woman. I’ve never even put myself in the position of being able to hit a woman. My parents brought be up better than that. I didn’t speak with her at all, not until the next morning when I was having breakfast.”

“And could you tell us the court about that exchange the following morning?”

“Well Max and Robert took me to hospital and stayed with me til I was released then we all travelled back to the hotel. Max bought me breakfast and we sat down in the little outdoor dining area,” Daniel replied “I was reluctant to talk about what happened but eventually Max got me to spill my guts and we chatted about how I was feeling for a while before Toto, Christian and Valtteri arrived and sat down with is, at this point Lewis was on his way back to Monaco-we all chatted about what happened then about half an hour later she arrived asking to talk. We had a rather....heated discussion during which she tried to explain why she had been cheating on me with Cyril and how long it had been going on and after giving her the opportunity to explain herself I ended our relationship and didn’t physically see her again til the confrontation at the Viaduct Tavern during which Kelly caught her filming us. Three or four times a week since Abu Dhabi she’s tried ringing me or texting me but I consciously ignored her efforts to communicate. I was so hurt by what transpired and still am really that I didn’t trust myself not to say anything I would end up regretting. Besides my new relationship deserved all my energy not my old one and doing so I’ve healed or I feel better each and every day anyway.”

“That’s really good to hear,” Darren said encouragingly “do you have any ideas why Miss Boskovich went to Deux Moi and told them the story she did?”

“I have a few but I don’t think it’d do her, me or the court any good to reveal what they are,” Daniel replied a definite shake creeping into his voice “that’s the thing when your girlfriend is a lawyer and a good one at that you tend not to deal in speculation, at least not in this context.”

Darren turned around in doing so caught Eadaoin’s eye and flashed her an amused eyebrow wiggle.

“I understand,” he said in amusement “well thankyou for your candor Danny, I have finished questioning the witness m’lady.”

“Mr Albrecht would you like to question the witness?

Looking like he’d rather do anything but Albrecht got to his feet and nodded.

“You may proceed then.”

Albrecht inhaled then made his way over to Danny who was now regarding the QC with a combination of derision and amusement.

“Mr Ricciardo I refer to your answer about the night at the Yas Marina circuit,” he began “you said when asked if you had punched Mr Abiteboul and I quote “Not with the tyre iron but I did punch him, only once though, not for a lack of trying though, because his jeans were around his ankles and he kept tripping over himself in an attempt to get away from me I suppose.” Wouldn’t you suggest that admission shows you have somewhat of a temper and its not out of the realm of possibility you could have turned an your words “level of rage I’d never felt before’ toward my client?”

“No,” Daniel said at once.

There was a long and very awkward silence and Albrecht raised his eyebrows silently urging Daniel to elaborate.

“No?” he said “howso? Care to elaborate?”

“Look I’m here because I’ve filed a suit against your client because of baseless claims that I bashed her,” Daniel said “you’re asking me questions about the man I caught her having sex with. If he was here instead of her I’d be more inclined to agree with you but he’s not so I’m not.”

“Mr Ricciardo you admitted to punching another person, sure it wasn’t my client but to all reasonable people it does indicate its not out of the realm of possibility that you could have done the same to my client....”

“That’s no more likely than me wanting to punch you, or the man who made the bagel I ate for lunch or even Justice Wickstead,” Daniel said with a barely concealed eye roll “it would be reasonable to assume I was likely to punch the defendant if there was evidence to suggest I had done so in the past and there isn’t even a skerrick of it. There’s ten people here today that have truthfully sworn on the bible to say they have never seen me act in any way violently and every single driver on last year’s grid four of whom are here today have echoed those statements. You’re trying to get me to admit fault based purely from your client’s statement. I’m not lawyer but even I know that’s hearsay. You and your client are going to need more than trying to goad me into admitting something that never happened to make your case even halfway stick.”

Albrecht regarded Daniel for a moment then gave the curly haired Australian a curt nod.

“Very well,” he said stiffly “m’lady I have finished questioning Mr Ricciardo for now.”

“Is that all?” Jem hissed “is that fuckin’all?”

“Shut up.” Albrecht hissed in a no-nonsense tone.

“Alright I think it’s time to wrap things up for the day,” Justice Wickstead announced “go home, rest up and take time to decompress, you’ll receive notice for our next hearing dismissed!”

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#Daniel Ricciardo #Daniel Ricciardo FanFiction

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jayankles · 4 years ago

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The Culmination: Endgame

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader

Word Count: 2362

Summary: Y/N doesn’t feel so good and it’s not like her to not answer the phone to Sebastian. He was right to send over Josie, Y/N’s friend, over to find out what’s wrong.

Warnings: Angst, Implied Smut, Fluff

Written for: @anyfandomangstbingo | @anyfandomfluffbingo | @anyfandomgoesbingo

Squares Filled: Sick fic | first time | “I really don’t like doing this over the phone”

A/N - Blake Lively is not a representation of the reader; it’s just for the dress. And the other beautiful woman is exactly who I pictured for Josie.

Feedback is gold and appreciated

Of course, you were sick today. The day that Sebastian had told you that he was to take a day at the gym then spend it with Don. You knew that when you woke up this morning it wasn’t going to be a good day, the cold sheets a little foreshadowing of how your day would have gone. The little guttural feeling you had punching you in the gut right now, it had you on the floor, bent over the toilet seat with your head in the bowl.

You felt awful. Unable to move, unless it was your throat spasming. Definitely the worst day so far, you couldn’t move and when you finally were able to move at all you felt like a robot. Not a good look.

You decided that it was time to head back to bed, none of your food would stay down so you made yourself a bottle of water and stumbled into bed with a bucket in your hand, ready to put the bucket on the floor beside your bed.

Pulling at the covers, you curled up under them and took a swig of your drink. Tears rolled down your face as you felt the pain grow stronger, you rubbed your stomach in hopes it would make you feel better; it didn’t.

All you could do was pray that you would fall asleep to not feel this pain anymore. Sleep evaded you. The pain is all there is that you feel. You threw up another three times before you finally succumbed to the pleasures of sleep. Rattling of keys had been the object that had drawn you out of your few moments of slumber. You didn’t dare move though, there was no point, you couldn’t move anyway.

“Y/N! Y/N, where are you?” It took you a minute to realise that it was your friend, Josie, shouting your name in hopes of finding you. “Y/N, Whe- There you are. What are you still doing in bed? Oh...”

She looked as if she sighed out a breath of relief before she retracted, covering her mouth and nose with her hand. Inhaling the stench of the room, she quickly ran out of there, returning with air freshener, spraying it around you to make her feel better.

“You need a bath, babe. Stay here and I’ll run you one. Of course you’re going to stay here, you poor thing.” Josie rambled, you stopped her before she could go on for another hour.

“Jo, pour some lavender in there. Love you.”

Freshly out of the bath after thirty minutes, you were wrapped up in Sebastian’s bathrobe, a reminder that he was home as it still smelt like him. “I hate feeling like this. It sucks. But I feel better already.”

Josie softly smiled at you, pity in her eyes. “Must have been that nap you took but I know it sucks. Could you imagine Seb with this kinda illness, though? It would be 100% worse just because it’s man flu.”

“Thank you for being here.” You said, taking a seat on the couch. “What are you doing here anyway?”

“Seb called, said he tried texting and video chatting you but you wouldn’t pick up. I guess he was right to have me come over and check on you.”

“He’s such a cutie.” You groaned as you walked, the bath only slightly relieving some of the pain.

“I know. It makes me wanna barf… not like you, though. That shit is nasty, no, thank you, ma’am.” She tutted through a pinched nose, reminding of just how gross you felt and smelt not even a mere hour ago.

“You’re a pleasure as always, Jo. Always so kind to me, when I feel like shit. Thank you.”

She shrugged knowingly, a smirk on her face as she reached forward for the remote, finding a music channel and turning it down a little so it faded into the background becoming nothing but white noise. “So do you know what brought this on? Eat some bad food?”

“I don’t think so, otherwise Seb would feel the same way right?”

“Well you aren’t pooping as well as being sick so this isn’t a viral or bacterial thing. You’re not burning up? No severe migraines?” She asked and you only had one answer.

“Nope. And no, my appendix hasn’t burst because I’ve already had it out.” You said, becoming tired again as you let out a yawn.

“Well, I think I might need to slip out for a little bit.”

“Why? Where are you going? I thought you were going to take care of me?”

“I am. I’m just gonna head to the store and grab you some stuff to make tomato soup. I’ll be twenty minutes tops.” Josie was true to her word, never taking more than the twenty minutes she promised. Putting the bag of groceries on the counter, Josie pulls out the contents, revealing the ingredients she offered to get for you but you could tell that there was something else in the bag.

“What’s in there?”

Josie was fidgety, her fingers twiddling together. “I need you to keep an open mind because I think I know why you’re grossly throwing up.”

“Hit me. I wanna know how I can feel better right now.”

“It’s a good thing that you’re sitting down because…” She paused, making a face that she knew you weren’t going to like. “Because I think you’re pregnant.” her face unchanging as she pulled out the pregnancy test.

Then it hit you.

No.No.No. Fuck!

Hands dancing.

Tongues twining.

Passion blooming.

It was everything you could have asked for when he was away but now that Sebastian was back, you couldn’t keep your hands off of him. You covered every area of the apartment possible.

Oh crap.

“Fuck!”

“Yes you did.” Josie laughed at her own joke, the reaction not quite the same on your end.

“Oh god, Sebastian is going to kill me. He’s never going to want to talk to me. Why was I so stupid? Oh, I’m never gonna hear from him again. I’ll be kicked out. I’ll be a single mother. I’m gonna have to live with you and if I have this baby, you’re gonna hate me, then you’re gonna kick me out too. ”

Josie scoffed at you, helping you scurf back your hair away from your face, making you look into her wide eyes. “First of all, chill. I gotchu, you know I gotchu forever. Sebastian isn’t like that, but if he is you will never see him again and that is a promise and maybe a little bit of a threat. He’ll deserve it if he hurts you so. Just be my alibi if anything ever happens. Just go take the test. Negative? You’re just sick. Positive? You call Sebastian and you talk to him like an adult.”

“Why are you always right? Don’t you ever get sick of it?” You huffed before you smiled at her, squeezing at her hand after taking the small handful of the pregnancy test boxes back to the bathroom.

Five minutes passed and you were holding the peed on sticks in your hand, four out of five of them being positive. “I think I need to call Sebastian, and a doctor.”

After making an appointment with the doctor, you took a deep breath and pressed the button to call Sebastian. He picks up the call pretty quickly and you are not surprised.

“Y/N! Finally! Are you okay? What happened?”

“Hey bubba. I’m fine, just a little sickness. But I really don’t like doing this over the phone. When are you coming home. We need to talk.”

Two months later.

It was the night of the premiere of Avengers: Endgame and you couldn’t be more thrilled for the success that the Marvel Franchise had. It was 10 years of absolute lovable craziness. Thank you, Stan Lee.

You had no idea that you would be here on the aptly coloured, purple carpet with Sebastian after all you would have thought that you would still be with him after the whole pregnancy fiasco but the two of you were able to talk things through. Things were thrown, voices were raised, and tears were shed but still after all of that, Sebastian made the executive decision to calm the two of you down. The stress was no good for anyone at this point. You were both going to be parents; it’s what was established.

The two of you walked hand in hand, palms sweating as the cameras flashed, and photographers called out to each and every star that was involved in the production of Endgame. The culmination of the whole franchise was just so surreal, the fact that it was ending with a bang both made you swell with pride but it also made you a tad emotional because this collection of amazing characters wouldn’t continue but the legacy they left would. And that was what mattered.

“Sebastian! Y/N! Over here!” You heard from one of the interviewers, looking beautiful in her outfit, Sebastian rubbed his thumb across your knuckles, you were going to be okay. He was right there with you and you had done this a few times before. He was there for you.

“Hi.” “Hello. You and Sebastian answered at the same time, making the interviewer laugh.

“Wait, I remember you. I bought you a soup in a thermos and Tom gave you his jacket. I see we got lucky with good weather today, huh?” You said, smiling at her.

“Yes. You remember me?!” The woman turned to the camera looking right into the lens of it. “Guys, I’m fangirling so hard right now. Ah!”

Once the woman got her fangirling out of the way, she moved onto the interview, trying to get any information that she could before the movie premiered. Sebastian took over that one, telling her that there was no way that they were allowed to say anything about the movie other than he was dust.

“Now we’ve got that movie non gossip out of the way. Are you okay to talk freely about your pregnancy?”

You looked to Sebastian, it was his decision just as much as it was yours, you knew that Sebastian wanted to keep his private life separate from his professional acting career. “It’s okay, honey. Go ahead.”

“I think you’re good to go.”

“Thank you. I must say that you do look stunning in that dress.” She gushed, you thanked her, hiding your face a little. You loved this dress, the nude under layer and the little white and purple flowers that scattered across your dress, your bump barely visible through your dress.

“How far along are you?”

“Well, we’re in the first week of the second trimester. So I’m a little more confident when telling you that.”

“That’s amazing. Was the pregnancy planned at all?”

You made a face, sucking in a little air, looking to Sebastian for a little light to be shed on the situation. “Not at all. It was Y/N’s friend that actually realised that her morning sickness wasn’t her having the flu. She felt absolutely awful that morning, it was enough to know that it was bad when I tried to call her and I didn’t get an answer.

“We had our issues, you know, we didn’t know what to do, we're new at this. But I think that it’s important to know that you don’t abandon your family.” Sebastian softly smiled at you, subconsciously putting a hand on your slowly growing stomach. “I guess that is what this franchise is about though, right? It’s about family and- and looking out for one another. Everybody’s got a somebody here and I love that.”

“And Thanos, fucks it all up and snaps his goddamn fingers.” The three of you and the cameraman began to laugh at your little outburst about the mad, purple titan. “God, I can’t wait for the premiere tonight but I’m scared. For everybody. But especially for me, you know, I’m an emotional person anyway, add a hormonal woman to the mix and a whole lot of angst. Get my ice cream and tissues ready, because I’m coming for you, Thanos.”

“I heard that!”

“Love you, Josh. For the record, Josh is a nice guy, the character he plays is a big old sack of balls and I have no idea how he does it so convincingly.” Lovingly, you made eyes at Seb. “But it’s just like my Sebastian, a dark hydra assassin but in reality he’s a big ball of sunshine and goofiness. And I love him for it.”

“This is- this is what gets me.” The interviewer leaned in a little as Sebastian’s voice dropped to a slight whisper. “I know that she is going to be the best mom for our child because Y/N loves everything and everyone and that is a great quality to have but she’s also caring and matches my goofy side but her sass outweighs mine of course, no one can beat that.”

“Aww, he’s making me cry already. Seb,” you whined. “My makeup.”

“Well that's it folks.” The woman spoke, telling the audience that this was one of the cutest interviews that she had ever taken, that she could die happy and quickly saying congratulations before the two of you were whisked away to walk the carpet again and pose for pictures.

“You’re way too good to me, you know that right?” You said to Seb as you admired the sky blue suit he was wearing over his plain white tee. “I never even got to tell them that this baby will have the hottest dad in the world as well as the sweetest man. Thank you for being my baby daddy.”

Unbeknownst to you, the cameras had caught every single moment the two of you shared. The kisses you shared together, were now shared with the world, all over social media. At this point you didn’t care, you only cared about the man in front of you and the baby growing in your stomach. And this god damn movie!

Feedback is gold and appreciated

#anyfandomgoesbingo #anyfandomangstbingo #anyfandomfluffbingo #sebastian x reader #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan angst #sebastian stan fluff #sebastian stan x pregnant!reader #sebastian x pregnant!reader #mcu fic #rpf fic #sebastian stan fic #sebastian x reader fluff #queue you!#jayankles #jayankles writes #bailey writes

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mshomestyle · 4 years ago

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Can I request about a short story or head canon for Midoriya, Hawks or Shoto( any of the three will do) about S/O who experience a trauma about her work before due to abusive management, coworkers who bullies her and clients that demands the impossible things/wants them to break the policies for them because they are from influential family. That incident leads her to resign. S/O keeps the incident from Midoriya, hawks or shoto but her past keeps haunting her, how can Midoriya, Hawks or Shoto will help their S/O?

My ask box is crickets rn, so I can do all three! I will do a drabble writing about what happened to the reader and then do HCs for the rest!

Reader who was Abused at her Old Job x MHA Multiple Characters [Drabble and Head Canons]:

(Midoriya, Hawks, & Shoto)

The incident:

Oh, how you hated this place. There was currently not any better options for you out there, so you had no choice but to just take it. Your coworkers were rude and bullied you every chance they got, only to tell you things like ‘It’s just a joke, why are you taking it so seriously?’ when you reacted negatively towards them. You knew they weren’t fully joking, but all you could do was grin and bear it.

The upper management positions were filled to the brim with people who not only abused their positions, but also their employees. You were often stuck doing tasks not in your job description only to get written up and scolded for “neglecting” your actual job. And it usually happened by the same bosses who made you stop doing your work in the first place.

Lastly, and perhaps the worst of all, was the clients. They walked all over you and demanded things that just weren’t possible, and no matter how many times you politely told them that you would lose your job if you were to fulfill particular requests of theirs, you would get told in response ‘Don’t you know who I am? My family practically built this city! I’ll get you fired if you don’t do as I say!’

Day after day you came home wondering when this would all end. You just couldn’t take it anymore, but sadly this was all you had. There was nothing to save you from this.

Until one day, you were discovered so to speak. Your work was recognized by a top hero, who immediately wanted you to work for them, and you had to say that seeing your bosses beg for you to stay and your coworkers’ mouths dropping was satisfying.

It was great to be gone from that nightmare, but as time passed, you learned that you weren’t truly free from it just yet.

Midoriya:

-All Might had actually scouted you out to work for the Pro-Hero Deku at his agency.

-It was easy to tell that Izuku was caught off guard when he first met you, but not in a bad way.

-He was not only interested in your talents, but also you as well.

-So, once he worked up the courage to ask you out on a date, your relationship began. And you had to admit, Izuku was an incredible boyfriend.

-He was always so sweet, though he didn’t make you feel as if you had to date him because you worked for him.

-Everything seemed perfect, until these negative thoughts started to arrive.

-You wondered if you would ever have to deal with rude coworkers, or if they were talking about you behind your back. You wondered if any of the clients asking for Deku’s help would try to get you to manipulate the system for them. And sadly, you wondered if Deku would start to abuse his power.

-These thoughts were small at first, but as they grew, they appeared in your actions. You became more quiet and tried to make yourself seem less noticeable to those around you.

-You just couldn’t help but to feel that way as it seemed as if your old Job still had a hold on you.

-But, you did have an amazing boyfriend, so Deku noticed in no time at all. “Are you okay? You’ve been acting kind of strange at work lately.” The two of you were at his place when he expressed this concern.

-”Y-Yes, I’m fine,” you quickly told him, faking a smile. Izuku didn’t buy it one bit, and you could tell that by the look on his face. You let out a sigh, “Sorry...It’s just...My last job was so horrible. My coworkers, clients, and even my bosses were just so harsh and demanding...I guess it still stuck with me because-Well, I’m afraid that it’s going to happen with you and your agency.”

-Izuku looked taken back by this, and immediately he reached over and grabbed your hand, “Oh, you don’t need to apologize!” he told you, “I’m sorry that you had to go through that, but I promise I’d never let that happen to you again. Everyone at my agency likes you, and I’d always take the side of my employees over a rude client. I know my words can’t undo all that you’ve went through, but I promise that I won’t let that happen to you again.”

-He sounded so genuine and earnest, and you knew that he was. It would take some time, but you knew everything would be alright with him there with you.

Hawks:

-”You have a high profile client in your office, now hurry it up or you are fired!”

-You nodded quickly to your boss before rushing into your office, almost tripping on your way in as you made it to your desk.

-Hawks was a well known hero and deeply loved by people, so needless to say, your coworkers were pissed that you would be the one seeing him.

-“How may I help you?” Your tried to act as professionally as possible, but you were actually a mess on the inside.

-Hawks looked at you with an eyebrow raised, “Does your boss always talk to you that way?” he asked. Your mouth dropped as you were asked that. He heard?! Hawks started to chuckle, “Sorry, my feathers pick up vibrations, allowing me to easily overhear things.” You quickly tried your best to overcome your embarrassment.

-”No, no, it’s fine,” you told him, “I couldn’t keep you waiting. Now, what do you need?” This seemed to earn you an amused look.

-”I actually came here hoping to poach one of the workers for my agency,” Hawks told you, “With the way that asshat of a boss is, I’m sure this will be a good opportunity for you, too.” You were taken back by this, the wind seeming to knock right out of you.

-”E-Excuse me? Did I hear you correctly?” you asked.

-”I can even match your salary,” he smiled, “Now tell me, what’s the funnest and most satisfying way that you can quit?”

-You started to work for Hawks less than a week later, and then a month after that, he asked you out on a date.

-He was such an incredible man, that it was no wonder so many people fawned over him, and the more you got to know him, the more you felt as if he deserved that.

-But then...the doubts started to set in.

-You were starting to remember your old job and the way that you were treated, and despite the fact that the employees that worked for Hawks were so warm and friendly, you still felt a nagging pit in your stomach.

-What you had dealt with before was no joke, and sometimes thoughts from it kept you awake at night.

-It was just a good thing for you that your new boyfriend was so attentive. At the first sign of changes in your behavior, he confronted you about it.

-”Hey, you alright, baby? You’ve been kind of down recently.”

-You felt kind of unsure if you could truly talk to him about this, but he was such a good man that maybe his help was what you needed.

-”Remember my old job? Well, what you saw wasn’t the half of it. My coworkers and even my clients were just horrible pieces of work. They bullied and abused me, and well...I’m haunted by that.” You looked away from him, crossing your arms as you thought about the past.

-Hawks easily walked closer to you, reaching out and lifting your chin. “Sweetheart, you’re so much better than those kinds of people. I saw it, and I’m sure they knew that, which was why they targeted you. Good people don’t hurt others. Besides, I’m here for you, and if you ever have to deal with someone like that again, I’ll save you,” Hawks wrapped his arms around you and kissed the top of your head, “Now, the next time I see your old boss, I’m going to thank him for giving you to me, then call him an asshole.” You couldn’t help but to giggle at that.

-Hawks was just what you needed.

Shoto:

-Moving on and putting the past behind you was all you wanted to do, so when you received a job offer from the pro hero Shoto himself, you took it without delay.

-You were a bit intimidated at first, knowing that this was one of the best hero agencies in the country, but everyone around you just made you feel so at home-Especially your boss.

-And speaking of your boss, when he first laid eyes on you, he became a bit of an awkward mess.

-Eventually, he worked up the courage to ask you out, and several months later you were in a happy relationship together.

-Shoto was sweet, caring, and very loving towards you. You honestly felt as if you didn’t deserve a man this good, but there he was happily dating you.

-Everything seemed fine, until you felt a strong relapse in emotions. You were working in a safe and kind environment, so why was your anxiety about your old job starting to creep up?

-You began to remember the way your coworkers treated you, the way your bosses would demand the impossible, and the way your clients spoke to you as if you were nothing.

-This sort of thing had you tossing and turning at night and becoming very nervous about your current job. What if you messed up? Would your new coworkers start to criticize you? Would Shoto?

-”...Hey...Hey?” Shoto didn’t yell much, and even now he proved that as he gently got your attention. “You okay?”

-”Yeah, I’m fine,” you quickly faked a smile. Shoto had invited you to his office to eat lunch, which was a pretty regular occurrence.

-”I see...,” he spoke softly, indicating that he didn’t believe you. He then remained silent for a while before out of nowhere-”You know...You’ve been like this recently. I even notice that you have such a stressed look on your face when you sleep.” You felt your cheeks warm up at the latter thing that he told you.

-”Seriously, I’m alright,” you insisted. Shoto just looked at you, though; his disbelief in your words more than clear.

-”You also seem a bit distracted at times when you’re doing your work here,” he said. At this point, it became easy to tell that he was going to keep listing off your recent behavior until you told the truth. So, you took a deep breath.

-”Okay, I get it,” you said, “Look...I-...The place that I used to work at was a nightmare. Everything from the bosses to the clients was just brutal to the point where just thinking about it keeps me up at night...I hate that it still has this power over me, but I can’t help it. That time really scarred me.”

-Shoto watched your expression as you spoke, and then let out a sigh. “I’m sure it will take time before you can feel better about that sort of thing and move on, but if you keep it bottled up that won’t happen.” You looked at him curiously, “I’m here for you, alright? Instead of letting these thoughts just stay there, tell me about them. I’m sure once you get it out, and I tell you how awful the people you worked with were and how much better you are than them, you’ll be able to sleep with no problems at all.” You couldn’t help but to smile at his words.

-”You’d really do that for me?” you asked.

-”Of course. You mean the world to me.”

-You were sure that with Shoto’s help, you’d feel a million times better.

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mjgauthor · 2 years ago

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“Damn the torpedoes, full steam ahead!”

-David Farragut

Anger is a negative emotion, but it’s also a raw emotion that can be harnessed. Used. Maybe I sound a bit like Emperor Palpatine, trying to lure Luke Skywalker to the dark side, but I think sometimes in order to get a literary agent, you need more than some Jedi in you. You need a little bit of Sith, too.

Okay, so…what is a literary agent?

A literary agent, much like a sports agent, gets you or your work in front of the right people. If I was a basketball player trying to go pro, I’d want a sports agent who could get me into the gyms of teams where I might be successful. I’d want them to setup interviews for me. Give me advice to help my career.

The Utah Jazz are not going to invite regular people to shoot around in their gym. They’re certainly not going to sign random people off the street, either. The same is true of book publishers. Many of them will not consider any work sent to them unless it has been sent by a literary agent first.

For most people, you need a literary agent to have a chance to succeed.

Problem is, getting a literary agent is like trying to shoot a basketball through a hoop, but while you’re shooting, a man-eating lion is chasing you, your pants are on fire, and little gremlins keep untying your shoes. Some literary agencies get 30,000-50,000 pitches from writers a year. Some of those same agencies only take on a handful of new clients a year. And by a handful, I mean maybe four or five.

Do you see what I mean when I said you need a little Sith in you?

“Damn the torpedoes” indeed!

The Beginning

On December 18, 2011, I sent my first batch of query letters to literary agents. A query letter is essentially a pitch of your book. It includes a short, enticing message about the work (think the back of a book cover) and about 5-10 pages of your book. When I finally hit SEND on those first letters, my hands were shaking. My chest was tight. It was hard to breathe. But I felt an odd sense of accomplishment because I’d just joined the club. I was a real writer and I was sending my work to industry professionals.

Soon after, I got into the car to pick up lunch and I was thinking that I had a long wait ahead of me. Remember how some agencies get 30,000 queries a year? Well, less than an hour later, after eating a cheeseburger, I got a rejection and it was a form—a copy and paste rejection. I sat in the car thinking, “Well, that felt terrible. I hope I don’t get many more of these.”

Well, I got more. A lot more.

How many? About 500.

As the years went on, I wrote more books. I shelved more books. There were several nights when I decided it was time to give up on a book and it felt like someone died. My house was quiet. My wife didn’t know what to say and I didn’t either. People who aren’t writers, who aren’t artists, may not understand. For each book I wrote, I spent at least six months making it the best I could. I had revised them. Looked at them through every angle. Cut characters. Added scenes. Removed backstory. Focused on syntax, or diction, or my use of metaphors. I made them the absolute best I could.

Problem was, no literary agency wanted them.

“You are a Good Writer”

On November 8, 2012, almost a year after my first query letter, I received an email. It was from a literary agent. At that point, I’d had about 30 rejections, so I was braced for the worst. However, I froze when I read the agent’s words. “You are a good writer. Want to send along the book?”

The food in my mouth almost fell out. I gasped and stumbled out of my chair. I shouted and ran around the room. My dog started chasing me, barking, thinking I’d gone insane.

At that moment in my writing career, just being told I was a “good writer” was enough to make me smile and hug random strangers. I seriously felt like a million bucks. I had dollar bills in my bloodstream.

In professional boxing, there is a term called “puncher’s chance.” It means that anyone at any time has a shot in the ring. One punch and they can be victorious. Well, if I was truly “a good writer,” then one of my haymakers would surely drop this agent. And man, this agent was good. He’d sold books to all the major publishers. Made big deals. The books he represented were all amazing. His clients on Twitter raved about him.

I sent the full book to him and waited anxiously for him to reply.

I waited.

And I waited.

And really, that’s all I did, because this agent never replied, not even after I nudged him twice. It was legitimately one of the worst feelings of my life. I felt like someone close to me had died but I wasn’t even invited to the funeral.

The Switch

For the first five years of querying agents, I’d been writing middle grade fantasy. Some of the more popular middle grade projects include Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, Fablehaven, and Wonder.

In that time, I’d received a grand total of five requests for material from literary agencies. That’s when an agent asks for more material, it could be a full (whole book) or a partial (first 50 pages). Well, three of those five requests never bothered responding to me. One was a rejection where the agent kept calling me “March.” But the fifth request was different. On January 26th, 2016, an agent that had the first 50 pages of my latest middle grade fantasy enjoyed what she’d seen and asked for the rest.

When that happened, I was thrilled.

I sent it on, hoping for the best. More than a month later, she replied, sending me paragraphs of things she liked and a couple telling me where it didn’t work. She rejected it, but she was open to me revising the project and sending it back. So, I spent three months revising it. I sent it to my readers to ensure it was quality. I read the whole book aloud to my wife, twice, to ensure every sentence was perfect. Then, once I felt it was the best I could make it, I sent it back to her.

Less than a month later, I got an email. Turns out, this agent had left the literary agency and now someone else had my book. A couple weeks after that, this new person sent me a rejection. Her reasons for rejecting were completely different from the prior agent and she hadn’t even read past page 20.

I remember leaving my college class and reading her email as I was walking to my car. And for the first time since I’d started querying, a rejection didn’t make me sad. No, it made me MAD.

As I was driving home, my jaw clenched, I decided to take all the frustration I felt and stuff it into my characters. When I got home, I was fuming. I immediately went into my office and started writing a powerful opening chapter to a new young adult project called DOWNFALL. As the words came out of me, something was different. This project had energy. Voice. Emotion. Not too much later, I sent off the chapter to my test readers to get their thoughts.

Their response? “Holy crap!”

“So good.”

“I can’t wait to read more!”

Their comments invigorated me. The switch to young adult from middle grade was so incredibly freeing. I could tell a longer story with more complex themes, a darker, bitter tone, and create my own swears (“birdshit” anyone?). I went all in on world-building. Spent more time devising this world than I ever had with any prior project.

I’m an emotional writer—every scene I write, I write to convey an emotion. I used my anger and stuffed it into Conrad—a boy desperate to rise above the Lows.

Then I started querying his story.

And literary agents took notice. At one point, I had almost 10 agents considering the full at the same time. I was ecstatic. Finally, I thought, it would happen. Then, one-by-one, the rejections came. Most were complimentary, many enjoyed the voice and characters, but all passed on DOWNFALL for various reasons.

I was in the gutter.

I tried reworking the opening pages. And for a bit, I was getting more bites. But those different pages ending up being a mistake—the request rate was MUCH lower than my first version. For some damn reason, the industry didn’t want this book, either. So, I stopped querying it. Stopped thinking about it.

I threw my hands in the air and walked away.

Finally, one day, as I was working on my newest project, SICO, I noticed I hadn’t moved DOWNFALL into my “Shelved Projects” folder. I move all the books I give up on into this folder. Once it goes in there, it never comes out. Well, as I was dragging DOWNFALL to the shelved folder, I got a feeling. Some of you aren’t religious, but I am. And something told me not to do it.

So, I opened my DOWNFALL folder and looked over the version I sent out originally that had garnered so much interest from agents. It was far superior to the newer version that had little luck. The voice was powerful, angry, bitter.

I decided to give DOWNFALL a second chance.

I did some research on literary agents, sent out a batch of query letters, then went back to working on SICO.

“I really loved Conrad and DOWNFALL”

On May 30th, 2019, I got an email requesting to see the full of DOWNFALL. At that point, I was used to getting requests for the book. I knew the drill. I sent off the requested materials and went back to work on SICO.

While I waited, I had a pretty good distraction, too. I was proud of how SICO was developing. It was even angrier than DOWNFALL and it had fuzz on the peaches, so to speak. While Malcolm was burning his heatblade into the hearts of his enemies, an agent was reading Conrad’s antics in DOWNFALL.

A few months later, this agent emailed me and I kind of stared at the words on my phone. I was in the middle of a call with my wife when I got the email, and I remember saying, “Oh.”

Then I proceeded to read the email to my wife. This agent said she “really loved Conrad and DOWNFALL” and wanted to see samples of my other projects. I was excited, it wasn’t an offer yet, but I knew I was close. I needed to seal the deal.

Soon after, once I had pitched this agent SICO, she asked me to send that whole project over to her.

Then, I waited.

“I’d love to see what publishing doors we can burn down together”

On March 27, 2020, I woke up to an email on my phone. An email that I had to rub the sleep from my eyes to believe.

The literary agent wanted to talk.

I hurriedly sent her off an email and we setup a time for a call. A few days later, we had an awesome conversation. This agent loved my work, was incredibly knowledgeable, and had multiple ideas on how to proceed with editors. She offered me representation, then recommended I take two weeks to decide and let other agents know.

After the call, I stepped into my backyard and stared at the trees, thinking how weird it was that life was going on as normal. I’d romanticized this moment of getting an offer so much, that I almost half-expected to have a Prince Ali moment, where I got to be in a big parade, and everyone would think I was awesome. Instead, I heard my neighbor’s dog bark, and I went back inside because it was a little chilly.

A few minutes later, I took this agent’s advice and let all the other agents with my material know.

The next two weeks were a blur. Agents who I’d been waiting months to hear back from were replying within the hour. They said they’d speed read. Others who only had my pitch were requesting. In an industry full of silence, suddenly someone invited the whole band into my living room. Despite all the interest, I really connected with the first agent.

And she really sealed the deal a few nights before the deadline when she sent me a sample of her editorial notes. I’d already contacted her references (i.e. clients) and they loved her, but the depth of her editorial prowess was incredible.

The next morning, even though I was still waiting to hear back from several agents, I told my family that my mind was made up. I was going to sign with Heather Cashman at Storm Literary.

Heather, before we setup the call, told me she wanted to “see what publishing doors we can burn down together.” Well, as far as I’m concerned, if Heather brings the matches, I’ll bring the gasoline.

Let’s light it up!

Note: This was posted on my website in 2020. My agent and I have since burned down a publishing door. My book, called DOWNFALL in this post, is now called SKY'S END. And it is getting published in Spring 2024 by Peachtree Teen. 😀

#ya author #ya fiction #booklr #fantasy #literary agent #traditional publishing #querying #am querying #query letter #author #success

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aphrostarot · 4 years ago

Text

Month of August Pick a Pile

What do you have to expect for the month of August?

Please remember that this is a general reading and some things may not apply to you. Don't force it to fit. I offer paid readings on my page if you would like a personal reading. Prices are listed there. Please message me if you are interested!

Pile One (Tigers Eye Star):

Who are you currently?

Five of Wands:

In July, your friend group was very tense. It may have caused some disputes because you did not see eye to eye with them. It doesn’t feel like anything too serious, just some petty arguments. Your relationships didn't end in July, at least not any serious ones.

Seven of Pentacles:

You learned a lot in July. You learned some new things about the people in your life that you did not agree with. This left you contemplating your relationship with them and wondering what you truly know about them. To me, it seems that July was hard for you mentally and you are really hoping that August will be better for you.

What is your personal theme for the month?

Seven of Swords:

I am sorry to say that having this card come out as your theme for August tells me that you will experience some sort of betrayal this month. It seems to me that this person with whom you had an argument in July is going to create more drama in your life this month.

The Wheel of Fortune:

The Wheel of Fortune describes life cycles. When I channeled for you, I kept hearing the phrase "what goes around comes around." My impression is that they are getting payback because they feel that you have wronged them. If this is not the case, then you may feel this way about this person. August will allow you to learn more about this person and what their place in your life is.

What will you accomplish?

Temperance:

The purpose of temperance is to heal. During this time, nothing seems to be happening to you in a positive way. Over the course of this month, you will heal wounds that have accumulated over time. This person seems to exacerbate these wounds. On the surface, it may seem like this month will be very difficult for you, but your guides are telling you that this hurt is helping you heal and become your best self.

What should you avoid this month?

Three of Swords:

The classic card of heartbreak. During this month, your guides warn you to avoid doing things that will only hurt you more. You may want to seek revenge against this person at some point this month. You're being told not to do that by your guides. You are being told to focus on yourself and your healing, and part of that is not seeking revenge on others.

What should you embrace this month?

Nine of Swords:

You may have suffered with anxieties your whole life and recently they have only gotten worse. You feel like the only way for you to feel comfortable and at ease is to run away from those anxieties. During the month of August, your guides advise that you stop running from your anxieties. You may need to consult a medical professional if you feel that is necessary. If not, try finding things that help ground you when you feel anxious. This month is about healing for you and a part of that is through embracing every aspect of yourself, including the parts that you don’t like.

What obstacle will you face this month?

Two of Wands:

According to your guides, August will bring you trouble in a partnership. Based on your personal theme in the month of August it seems to me that this person is who the obstacle is.

Where can you find support?

Three of Cups:

This is the card of celebration and having it come out in a particularly negative reading tells me that soon you will celebrate. Your guides are telling you to ride the wave of this month, and you will soon celebrate. You can find support in the fact that good things are coming your way.

What action should you take this month?

The Emperor:

This month, you need to regain control over your mental health. Your guides have been urging you to stop running from your problems for so long. This month you are to heal and a part of that is you regaining control over your health. You are being urged to find ways to heal this month by finding things that make you happy and healthy.

Advice/Support from Spirit:

King of Swords:

Your guides are telling me that you are very intelligent, wise, and just. These qualities are what make you a great person. They are saying that these traits are what will help you this month. You need to embrace these things as you embark on your journey this month so you can help yourself to heal.

Pile Two (Green Aventurine Moon):

Who are you currently?

Five of Wands:

Seven of Pentacles:

What is your personal theme for the month?

Six of Pentacles:

August will bring you a lot of generosity. Whether that is someone being generous to you or you being generous to others. It feels to me as though you will be pressured to over-extend yourself this month. The people in your life will demand too much of your energy and time this month.

What will you accomplish?

Nine of Pentacles:

You will achieve serenity this month. It seems to me that you have been working very hard to feel secure in your life. This month, your guides are telling me that you will accomplish this. In August, you will be celebrating all that you've accomplished and accumulated. You will experience serenity this month.

What should you avoid this month?

The Sun:

Having the happiness card come out here is interesting to me. It seems like you are stuck in the mindset that you should always be positive. So much so that you do not allow yourself to feel any negative emotions, thinking that it will only hinder your progress on your journey. These actions, according to your guides, do not help you at all, they actually hinder you. Toxic positivity is a thing and you seem to be stuck in that mindset. In August, you are to avoid staying in this mindset.

Page of Pentacles:

Even though you lack the finances, you are very ambitious and have been thinking about pursuing your dreams. This month, your guides advise you to avoid adding to your debt. This month is not the time for you to pursue your desires. You’re being told that this month you should celebrate all that you have accomplished, not try to accomplish more.

What should you embrace this month?

Four of Pentacles:

Your guides are telling you to embrace being possessive over your time and energy this month. You will struggle with your generosity this month. The fact that you want the best for everyone you care about makes you overexert yourself to ensure their happiness. This month, your guides are saying you should not overextend yourself. Take time to treat yourself and spend time with yourself.

What obstacle will you face this month?

Two of Wands:

This month, you will face difficulties in a partnership. If you are in a relationship with someone, this month you are being told that there will be some trouble in your relationship.

Two of Cups:

This person seems to be a soulmate of yours. If you are not in a relationship with this person then this is your guide’s way of saying that this month you will experience some setbacks in getting with them.

Where can you find support?

The Star:

You seem to be the type of person who jumps to conclusions and worries constantly. Hearing that there will be problems in your relationship this month made you very concerned. As your guides advise this month, you must keep your hope alive in order to find support in your problems.

The Emperor:

This may only apply to some. If your problems are with your partner or potential partner trying to control you then this message applies to you. Your guides are telling you that this month you are to find support by reclaiming control over yourself and your life with this person.

An alternative message to this card is for you to seek support from someone who embodies the emperor’s leadership qualities. If you know someone in your life that you both love and respect who has a higher social standing than yourself then you can find support from them.

What action should you take this month?

The High Priestess:

You are a very spiritual person and I think you are aware of this, but you do not use it much. In this month, your guides want you to improve your spirituality and intuition.

The Tower:

They say that this month you need to let go of the notion that you can't succeed in your spiritual life. It is your guides' message that you possess the potential to be successful in your spirituality, the only reason you haven't is that you think you aren't capable of it

Advice/Support from Spirit:

Queen of Swords:

In order to avoid being perceived as a bitch, you tend to avoid standing up for yourself. This month, your guides are telling you to embrace the Queen’s energy. By repressing your emotions, you are not giving your inner child a chance to express themselves and you are also not allowing yourself to be in touch with your ancestors and spirit guides. You should start standing up for yourself and you will be able to get in touch with your spirituality if you do so.

Pile Three (Goldstone Star):

Who are you currently?

Ten of Swords:

June was not a good month for you. Whether it was a relationship, work, a friendship, etc., some things in your life ended. June could also have been a difficult month for your health. Regardless of what it is, your guides say that you struggled a great deal in June.

What is your personal theme for the month?

Ace of Wands:

The month of August is all about creating new beginnings. Particularly in your hobbies. This month, your creativity will be enhanced and you will be more motivated to pursue your goals.

What will you accomplish?

Death:

You have been putting off your death cycle for a while now. The month of June forced you to let go of some things that were no longer serving you. It was obvious to you that those things were not serving you, but you did nothing about it, so your guides took matters into their own hands last month. However, you will be blossoming into a better version of yourself this month, allowing you to complete your death cycle.

What should you avoid this month?

The Sun:

Seven of Pentacles:

This may only apply to some. If you are making plans to go back to college or pick up some online courses this card coming out is your guides telling you to avoid this in August. In August, do not start making new investments or new pursuits to expand your knowledge.

What should you embrace this month?

Three of Cups:

This month, you need to embrace celebration. Your accomplishments in life deserve to be celebrated this month. You may feel as though you cannot celebrate your accomplishments because in your eyes it is bragging. In this month, you need to release the notion that celebrating yourself is bad and begin to celebrate yourself.

The Moon:

This month, you are being told to embrace the unknown. There is a possibility that you have control issues and so you fear the unknown. For you to start a new project, your guides are telling you that you have to release your fear of the unknown.

What obstacle will you face this month?

Ace of Swords:

Based on the energy I'm receiving here, I feel as though things will not be happening fast enough for you this month. You will struggle this month to allow things to unfold at their own pace since you want results right away.

Where can you find support?

The Chariot:

Movement is what is needed for you to find support. Move forward in your life, allow change to come in. You can find support in you accepting change and not fearing it.

Eight of Swords:

You can also find support in leaving your past in the past and moving on to the future. Allowing yourself to accept change and move on to the future is what your guides say will bring you support.

What action should you take this month?

Two of Swords:

Nothing seems to be moving in your life currently and as we have established, this month you will be making changes, but they may not come as quickly as you’d like. You are being guided to take action this month to break out of this stalemate and improve your future.

Advice/Support from Spirit:

Page of Cups:

Your guides would like you to get in better touch with your sensitive side this month. They say that this is what will help you through the obstacles you will face this month.

Ten of Cups:

You do not think that you are capable of having a happy ending in your life and having this card come out is your guides telling you that you are more than capable. You are deserving of one. You just need to hold onto the belief that happy endings are coming your way.

Pile Four (Moss Agate Moon):

Who are you currently?

Ace of Cups:

You may have just gotten into a relationship. It feels very sweet to me, like innocent love. I can tell that you have very strong feelings for the person you are currently in a relationship with and you think that this person could be the one you are meant to be with. June brought you nothing but love and happiness, something you have been dreaming about for a long time.

What is your personal theme for the month?

Four of Wands:

August will be filled with you finding stability. Balance is coming your way this month and you will be filled with nothing but contentment this month. Contentment in your home, family, and relationships.

What will you accomplish?

Page of Swords:

Someone in your life has been spying on you and spreading gossip and drama on behalf of someone else. You may be aware of who this person is and this month you will be standing up to this person and exposing them for what they are trying to do to you. If you are unaware of this person then this is your guides telling you that you will soon find out who this person is and expose them for what they’re trying to do to you.

What should you avoid this month?

Seven of Cups:

You struggle with making decisions in your life and this month your guides are advising you not to make any major decisions. You have not made good decisions in the past and this month your guides are telling you to restrain yourself from making split decisions. They will not serve you well at all this month.

What should you embrace this month?

Knight of Wands:

This month, your guides want you to embrace your more enthusiastic side. This month, let loose and have fun. It may be difficult for you to get things done in your life, and this card is your guides telling you that this month you need to embrace your more energetic side in order to begin getting things done.

What obstacle will you face this month?

Knight of Pentacles:

This month, you will struggle with patience. You are to embrace your more enthusiastic and fast-paced side this month which will then make you struggle to wait for things to come.

King of Wands:

You have spent a great deal of time trying to achieve all of your goals, but this month you will not feel like you have achieved anything. Because of your insecurities, you will struggle in your hobbies as well.

Where can you find support?

Six of Swords:

This is the card of travel so, having come out here is your guides telling you that you can find support in travel this month. It doesn't have to be far, just somewhere that will allow you to clear your mind and reconnect with nature. Get in touch with your inner self by taking a walk in a nearby park or taking a hike.

The Hierophant:

Support can be found from the people in your life that you trust. This card coming out is a sign that they love and support you and are willing to do whatever it takes to help you. It could be a family member of yours.

What action should you take this month?

Temperance:

You are to find balance and equilibrium in your life this month, according to your guides. This is their main objective for you this month. By doing things that will bring balance back into your life, you will be able to feel content in your life. Try to center yourself. Grounding yourself in nature should help.

Advice/Support from Spirit:

Two of Pentacles:

Having yet another card come out as a symbol of balance suggests that your guides are very eager for you to find balance in your life. This month your guides are telling you to focus fully on maintaining balance in your life.

Judgment:

You are being told that a result is on the way and the first step in getting it is by getting balanced. When you follow your guides' advice this month, significant life changes will occur for you.

Though tips are not required, they are very much appreciated. Thank you!

Venmo: @ aphrostarot Paypal: paypal/aphrostarot

#pick a pile #pick a card #pick a crystal #spirituality #astrology #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #leo #virgo #libra #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #aquarius #pisces

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plussizeappreciationfics · 4 years ago

Note

Hi!! What do you think Milo Ventimiglia/Matthew Gray Gubler/ Bucky Barnes/Thor Odinson would react to reader taking their time in showing more intimate physical affection like cuddling or showering together?❤

I picked 2!

Milo Ventimiglia: Holding hands

-Milo is very patient when you tell him from the very beginning of your relationship that you have trouble initiating physical contact due to the lack of physical touch you had to grow up with.

-He is very patient and supporting, never getting annoyed when reaching out for your hand or pressing a tender kiss against your lips. He can see through your eyes that you want to break down the walls of trauma, but have many issues in doing so.

-Whenever your negative thoughts get the best of you, Milo is always there in a heartbeat, holding you close and letting you know how much he loves you.

-The endless love and support doesn't stop when you seek professional help because you realise that he is your ideal match, your ideal person to be with, but your traumas are making it hard for you to make any process.

-Your therapists explains to you that in order to initiate any physical contact with the person you love (and with someone with your issues), you need to accept and love yourself. That once you're able to see yourself in a positive light despite the unfortunate events you've dealt with, you'll be able to look at your partner and see how much they love and care about you, that they won't reject you and your love.

-You do all the little exercises your therapist gives you and slowly start feeling the shift in between yourself, there are days were they bad memories and anxiety come back but you slowly are able to fight your way through the bad days and grow stronger on the better ones.

-So, it's a very delicate surprise to Milo when weeks into your relationship, you slowly intertwine your hands during a movie night. You stare down at your linked fingers, loving the sight of how perfect your hands fit together. You feel the love overwhelm you, especially when you look up and see Milo staring at you in pure shock and amazement.

-He bites his lip, trying to keep the tears of joy and surprise to himself as he is an emotional person who feels every single feeling strongly. You can't help but grin at the sight of your love, looking at you with nothing but pure love in his eyes.

-You hold his hand for a while, feeling so happy and at peace with holding his hand. Milo doesn't mind that at all as he got the silent message that you're evolving and he plays an important part in it.

Bucky Barnes: Kissing

-Many gave you weird looks when you told them how you and James got together; the super soldier had been visiting your small bakery for weeks, trying to gather the courage to ask you out and when he finally did, the two of you already were head over heels in love with each other without even having touched one another.

-The truth was that you were very sensitive when it came to kissing. James hadn't been your first kiss, it was just that you looked at that delicate activity differently. Many kissed out of boredom, being in love (duh) or with the goals to hook up with someone. You had always been a hopeless romantic who loved doing things their own way.

-Bucky had no problem at all with waiting to kiss you because he had his own (almost endless) list of intimacy issues he was trying to deal with due to his (countless) abusive traumas. He loved sitting at your bakery and watching you bake or clean the counter, your presence alone kept his night terrors at bay, and made him come out of the dark shell he had been forced to hide himself in for decades.

-You had no problems holding hands, cuddling and hugging. Shit, you loved that so much because it was another way of slowly letting James know that he could trust you with his life, and that you were trusting him with yours.

-James was a curious man and often wondered why you were waiting to kiss him. "It's because I just don't want to feel a pair of lips, I want to feel reassurance, love and a strong bond" is what you always said, which was a half truth. The other part was that you were also a little afraid that the strong love you had for the super soldier wouldn't be real, that maybe your brain had tricked you into thinking you liked him and that upon kissing him, you'd feel nothing and be forced to end things with him.

-You don't even know how James was able to get you so angry on the special day you caved in and kissed him. The two of you had a disagreement about something that didn't even make sense. One second you were ready to start a new book with him, and the next you were cussing and shaking your head in frustration.

-James stood in front of you, the same angry expression on his face, but not once did he raise his voice or cuss at you. He continued to try and explain his point of view, share his feelings with you while being completely calm and collected with you.

-It was in that moment that your body and mind told you that that was the moment you wanted to kiss him. You were staring at his face, watching the anger slowly subside but his words not making any sense to you because your brain had started to slowly tune out his voice. It sounded like he was talking to you through a long tunnel, his low voice close but the words being far, distant.

-You didn't breathe a word when you stepped towards him and gently placed your hands on his warm cheeks, making him stop talking and staring intensely into your eyes. Your eyes slowly looked down at his perfect, soft lips and suddenly your body was on autopilot. You leaned in and gently pressed your lips against his, your knees instantly bucking when you felt a delicate warmth fill your whole body up.

-James kissed you back slowly, like you were made out of glass as he didn't dare to ruin the beautiful moment. Words couldn't describe the intense sensations you felt, you could feel his love for you. You could sense by the way he was kissing back that he cared so much about you and only wanted to treat you the right way.

-The kiss lasted for a good minute but it felt like longer. By the time you had pulled away, your heart was pounding loudly, you could feel your blood pumping harshly through your ears and your knees were buckling. "Wow" was all the two of you were able to say while staring deeply into each other's eyes, feeling complete.

Tag list: @jamesbarnesappreciationclubub l @pleasantdreamqueen l @disneymarina l l @harleycativy l @sparklemichele l @melaninmarvel l @amethyst09 l @the-force-of-imagines l @bossyboyd03 l @pebblesz892 l @stars8melanin l @brittyevans l @toc1985 l @janeyboo l @badassbaker l @winters-beauty l @cannonindeez l @ilovefanfic86 l @adorablespecialsnowflakes l @brittanyovens l @kanupps06 l @jazmynejack l @thebookwormslytherin l @theunsweetenedtruth l @talannalew l @littlexmissxfandomxlover l @amethyst-dreams-and-candy-canes l @crimsonash330 l @booklover2929 l @aranelgrey l @panda-duuu l @thisismysecrethappyplace l @titty-teetee l @honey-anon l @princess-evans-addict l @hp-hogwartsexpress l @malindacath l @letsdisneythings l @scorpionchild81 l @shado-raven l @alisoncdariel l @plutoneu l @queenoftheworldisdead l @briannab1234l @miyaeadys-blog l @thenamelesscorpse2185 l @hihellogoodbyebruh l @nackrosor l @nerdgurl1985 l @2darkskinbeauty l @bugngiz l @african-melanin-goddess l @barnes-wilson-love l @ktiz90 l @let-the-love-in l @forlornfortitude l @robinredboob l @hopefuloperaangelnerd l @kola95 l @partypoison00 l @alwaysadreamingoptimist l @reniescarlett l @g0thicdream l @mayasopinions l @captaintightpants58 l @leillee l @kayleighsimone l

-Emmanuelle 💋❤️

#Milo Ventimiglia #milo ventimiglia x reader #milo ventimiglia x plus size reader #Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x plus size reader #plus size reader

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thisaccisdead · 4 years ago

Text

montreal - roman hurt/comfort

pairing: this was written to all be platonic prinxiety, but can definitely be interpreted romantically !

warnings: unconventional self harm, non-graphic descriptions of wounds/injury

summary: a post-POF roman hurt/comfort fic in january 2021? yes <3

word count: 3.2k

notes: large portions of this were salvaged from one (1) night last summer at 4am when i was having a . time. the rest has been mainly recently written before i go to bed, with some extra bits added during my history classes B)) also shout out to [REDACTED]. u may not read this but if u do, i hope u know who u are & ilu

Virgil had been trying to calm himself down for the better part of an hour, as soon as they got back from the wedding fiasco; and he was doing a relatively okay job. Considering the circumstances, at least. Or so he thought, when he registered a spike in Thomas’s anxiety. This only served to make Virgil more anxious, because he had thought he had been doing well—until, he realized it wasn’t anxiety, not exactly, not fully—and it wasn’t coming from him.

Once he'd figured that out, it wasn't hard to trace the feeling to the imagination. He paused at the door. If this was where the strongest negative emotions were coming from, he already knew which side this was about. And could he really be surprised? Roman had wanted that callback for so long. Even at the court case, even when Roman gave Thomas his sentence, Virgil knew it killed him. And Virgil didn't do anything. Because he was so fucking scared of Thomas being bad, or of Janus winning, or something, and now whatever was going on was his fault, and--

And now was not the time for these thoughts. He breathed in. He opened the door.

Immediately, he was coughing out soot, heat burned his cheeks, his eyes blurred with protective tears forming against the smoke. It was hard to see, let alone process, what was happening. Then, he caught sight of the Dragon Witch. And he caught sight of—

“Roman!” Virgil choked on the yell, coughing again.

Obviously Roman couldn’t hear him from the distance, especially considering the brutal roar of the creature. Adrenaline kicked in, and as Virgil began to sprint towards the prince, he took in the entirety of the scene with alarm. Roman was...fighting, sure, except that Virgil had seen him fight before, and this... wasn’t right. Roman bested manticore-chimeras like it was a breeze, he HAD bested the Dragon Witch herself in every form she took, “just for training.” He always moved like he was in a ballet, not a battle, like it was more for show than challenge, and now...

Virgil watched Roman fall to a hard swish of the creature’s tail, and stay there. He almost expected the Dragon Witch to take mercy, or at least, to accept an early victory. But he watched her rear back, raise a taloned hand, the magma-red in her throat glowing brighter and brighter—just as Virgil got close enough to let fight win over flight.

Virgil crashed into Roman; they rolled just far enough that the swipe of claws only ripped the edge of Virgil’s jacket.

Immediate danger out of the way, Virgil clenched his eyes tight, trying to do it how Logan taught him. He found something that didn’t make sense--the grass. The grass was dry, therefore it should have been burning, but it wasn’t. He took that foothold to dispel all the fantastical elements of the scene, Dragon Witch and all her carnage blinking from existence. The new calm of the scene was jarring.

That just left a great big field, Virgil, and one absolute dumbass.

"What the fuck, Princey?!"

Virgil’s voice was distorted with stress, and Roman stared up at him wide-eyed, unsure—even terrified in a way that hurt. Virgil quickly pushed himself up so he wasn't pinning the other. Roman tried to copy this movement, only to groan, start coughing, and fall back again.

“Shit, I—“ Virgil looked at his hands and found red on them, looked at Roman and saw the color painting his chest. “I thought I dispelled all the imaginary stuff, why—?“

“Left brain sides can only dispel so much of what right brain sides feel,” Roman said, voice rough and thin and upsettingly casual, “Since they feel so real to me, you can’t get rid of them.”

“They feel…? Christ, ok, you need a medical kit, uhm—“ Virgil closed his eyes again; he was notoriously shitty at summoning things, and he had to concentrate for this—

“That’s ok; I’ve got it,” Roman said, letting out a quiet hiss as he propped himself up on one arm, and summoned the medical kit with the other, “You can go now.”

Virgil gaped at him in disbelief. When Roman attempted to stand up, and Virgil could no longer deny he wasn’t joking, he exclaimed, “Like Hell am I going, idiot!”

Roman just stared at him, and Virgil cursed under his breath. “Ok ok, let’s just... we should do this in the bathroom, uhm—“

Virgil awkwardly clambered over to Roman again, taking his hand, so he could blink them over together. He knew it would probably be more comfortable for Roman to sink in and out, but considering Virgil wasn’t practiced at that, he wasn’t going to risk screwing it up.

They apparated into the bathtub, and Virgil scrambled up, taking the med kit from Roman's hands.

Ok, ok, now Virgil just had to remember that one time Logan lectured them all on “Side Safety.” He took a shaky breath and washed his hands quickly, before turning back to Roman. He allowed himself to fully assess the prince this time and… Jesus. He was slumped against the back of the tub, having given up his attempts at composure while he thought Virgil wasn’t looking. His litany of scrapes, cuts, bruising, his shallow breathing, and--most of all--the wet, red patch slowly growing on his shirt, sparked renewed panic in Virgil.

“Ok, fuck, ok--let’s do this,” Virgil said, mostly to himself, as he knelt down by Roman to undo his already tattered shirt and take a wet towel to his chest. He had to suck in a breath at the sight of the jagged wound, a nauseous feeling catching up to him.

“You’ve already done a lot, you know,” Roman insisted. “You can--”

“If you tell me to go, Princey, I swear I’ll make these wounds worse myself,” he said, not meaning it in the slightest, which he would assume Roman knew--but the way Roman flinched and shut his mouth told a different story. “Shit, I didn’t mean that. Of course I didn’t mean that!”

Roman glanced away, and Virgil reached to cup his cheek, an instinct he didn’t know he had. Luckily, he caught himself in time to retract his hand. They both avoided eye contact for a second; Virgil cleared his throat; and he reached for the bottle of hydrogen peroxide before pausing. He vaguely recalled Logan mentioning how strong alcohols would only cause more harm, and they should just stick to mild soap instead. He gave the cut a longer look-over—it was certainly not a pretty sight, but probably not as bad as it looked. It was large, but not too deep. Plus, as sides, it would heal itself without needing anything like stitches or professional medical work. The past scars littering Roman’s body were proof of that. Actually--had he always had this many scars? Virgil squinted. How often did he do this?

Virgil finished cleansing and bandaging the wound to the best of his ability, with little talk beyond the occasional, soft “sorry” at Roman’s winces. When he had finished, he gave Roman his hoodie (an action the Prince was too tired to take much notice of), since summoning a new shirt seemed like a waste of whatever energy he had left.

“Ok, Princey, all done. Uhm, are you—how, how are you?” Virgil mentally kicked himself.

A small, bitter smile tugged at Roman’s lips for just a moment. He opened his mouth and then closed it, and finally shrugged. “Thank you for your help.”

It hurt, Virgil realized. Roman’s quiet voice, where near-shouting was his usual speech. His unkempt hair sticking to his forehead, where it was usually styled to be very lightly and intentionally ruffled. The bags beneath his eyes where there was usually concealer. All of it hurt.

Virgil sucked in a breath. “Look, I’m sorry if I’m being annoying, but I hope you know there’s absolutely no way I’m leaving yet.”

“Virgil,” Roman almost said it as a whine, which was closer to his usual style, so Virgil considered it progress.

“Roman,” Virgil deadpanned back.

Roman huffed. “Maybe I need space to really explore my feelings, and you’re actually being a terrible friend right now,” he argued.

“Uh-huh, well being a terrible friend is always my favorite, so,” Virgil leaned down, fumbling slightly as he picked Roman up bridal style, “We’re gonna get you to bed, and you can explore your feelings by sleeping.”

“Great, now you’re damsel-in-distressing me,” Roman said sarcastically, but he leaned his head into Virgil’s chest as he did so, which kind of ruined his point.

“Yeah, yeah. Act more like Megara next time, and maybe it’ll be different.”

•••

Roman groaned upon waking up. His whole body ached, but mainly it was focused around a sharper pain in his chest. He let his eyes flutter open, only to find Virgil staring at him from his desk.

“Ah,” Roman uttered, a jumble of memories from the past few hours returning. They felt foggy and mildly icky, but mainly the pain in them was the numb kind of pain, the tired kind. Really, it was indistinguishable from the dull ache of his bruises and cuts.

“Yeah,” Virgil said, as though he understood, even though he couldn’t possibly. “Uh, wanna talk about it?”

It was clear Virgil felt awkward asking the question. It was unclear whether that was due to his tendency to be embarrassed by everything he said, or—far more likely—that he wanted to stop babying a stupid prince, and just go about his business.

Roman sat up, suppressing a wince as best he could. “Do you want to hear about it?”

“Of course I do.” Virgil said it without an ounce of hesitation. Roman’s breath caught.

“Oh.” Roman shifted slightly over, and Virgil took a seat by him on the bed. “Okay. Uhm. I don’t know, I just—I messed up.” What else was new?

“...What did you mess up?” Virgil asked, with an inkling of suspicion, like he knew what this was about. But it wasn’t that; it wasn’t the callback—that was over and done and dead. Roman had created so many fantasies, so many crazy scenarios where they could somehow still make it in that stupid movie, and it had always filled him with hope or crushing pain or something, but as of this afternoon? He didn’t even care. It didn’t matter.

So, Roman ignored the question, and instead commented, “Janus got accepted.”

“What the fuck.”

Roman observed Virgil’s stricken expression like an unsettling kind of mirror of himself when—

My name is Janus.

“Yeah,” Roman sighed, “I didn’t take it so well either.”

Virgil looked at him for a long moment, seeming to go through several series of emotions, before he was able to ask, “...What happened?”

Roman inhaled sharply. “I was wrong about being wrong about the wedding. Patton was also wrong; Janus was right, and then Patton was right because he wasn’t a total asshole to Janus, and I’m evil; Thomas hates me; whatever, you get it.”

He thought he would break down, saying it, but he felt oddly… fine. He sat, staring at the same spot as he was before, absentmindedly annoyed at the way his bandages itched. The normalcy of the situation almost made it worse. This sucked. This wasn’t even bad.This was the worst he had ever felt.

“Oook,” Virgil said, clearly not knowing where to start, “I—you—what do you mean:��Thomas hates you?”

“Thought that one was self-explanatory.”

“He can’t hate you,” Virgil said with a laughable amount of conviction. “You’re still his… y’know.. goals. Desires. Hopes. Whatever. Just because this one didn’t go… perfectly, doesn’t mean you won’t keep—“ he struggled to find the phrasing for a moment— “...fighting, uh, valiantly for Thomas’s dreams!” he attempted at the encouragement with a weak smile.

Roman just shook his head. “No. I don’t know what he wants.”

Virgil’s smile dropped into confusion. “But… you are his wants.”

“That’s kind of the problem.”

Virgil seemed at a loss, and Roman felt like an asshole. Here he was trying to help him, and Roman couldn’t even be bothered to put on a smile to dismiss him from the duty.

“Please go,” Roman attempted weakly when he couldn’t find a more convincing argument in himself. He was meant to be an actor, but he knew he couldn’t hide the fact that he wanted him to stay, of course he did, so badly. He hoped Virgil would just quit with the chivalry and go despite that.

Virgil sighed deeply and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Shit, I'm going about this all wrong.”

Roman knew it probably wasn’t really him Virgil was mad at, but it was hard not to shrink away anyway.

“Look, Roman—“ Virgil turned to him, looked at him seriously, took his hands in his— “To be honest? I don’t care what happened. I don’t care who was right or wrong—I mean, we all know I’ve been in the wrong more than my fair share. It doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

Roman didn’t miss the ambiguity of the end statement. “But… look, you don’t get it. When you mess up, you’re still you. You’re still...,” Roman gestured vaguely, which upset his bandages, and when he looked down at himself, he took note of the black/purple hoodie he was wearing. He melted slightly. This was exactly the point he was trying to make, “You’re still... y’know. Important.”

“Wh—? Of course you’re important, Ro. You’re creativity—“

“Thomas has two of those.”

Virgil looked at him like he was stupid. “Right, as if you’re anything like Remus.”

Roman’s lip quivered at that, and he had to look away, which was so stupid. And suddenly he felt all of the embarrassment at once—of this situation, of everything that had happened before, of the way he was about to cry, in front of Virgil, after he said that, which must look so—

“Roman?”

A hand was on his cheek, softly turning his face towards Virgil’s, though Roman still refused to meet his eyes.

Virgil cursed to himself under his breath. “Shit, this is exactly what I was trying not to say.” He sighed, and Roman hesitantly looked up at him. “Look. Even if you weren’t creativity, if you weren’t hopes or dreams or any of it—if you were a completely pointless side, which you aren’t, but if you were—I wouldn’t care. What I care about is that you’re... Roman. That you bother me until I sing Disney with you, that when you put your heart into something, you do it to a stupid amount, that you make Thomas take trashy buzzfeed soulmate quizzes when he’s stressed, and that you fucking try so hard for everything, even when I’m being a little bitch about it,” he paused. With the hand on Roman’s cheek, he traced the line of a scar down his jaw. It was one of the ones Roman usually made sure to put an illusion over, he noted offhandedly. “I care, because you’re my best friend.”

“Don’t say that,” Roman choked out. He couldn’t handle it if it was a lie, and part of him couldn’t manage hearing it as anything but exactly that. “Just—just—“

“Oh, Princey..”

Virgil held him as he broke. Roman didn’t know how long they sat like that as he let everything wash over him for a final time, let it all truly sink in at long last. He took heaving, messy sobs, no doubt ruining Virgil’s shirt in the process—he was quiet, though. He shook silently, save a couple choked breaths, in the other’s arms--that was a habit he had taught himself long ago.

When Roman had tired himself out, when all that was left was the pain in chest, (which was also suddenly duller—he was healing fast, even for a side—) he pulled back from the embrace. Virgil didn’t move by much, kept them so their fingers were laced together, as they sat staring at each other.

“Uhm. Thanks,” Roman gave a shaky smile, “You really—uh... I... I said some stupid stuff, huh?”

Virgil hesitated before he spoke, as if he knew he shouldn’t ask this right now, but needed to anyway. “...Roman, why’d you go to the Imagination?”

Roman felt ice stab at his chest upon the question. He didn’t want to do this. They had already talked about so much that he shouldn’t have gotten into; this was meant to be the part where they either parted or watched a stupid movie. And this, out of everything, was the conversation he most needed to avoid.

“Uh—I mean, to let off steam?” Roman gave a laugh as best he could. “Obviously, it didn’t go to plan—“

“Didn’t it?”

Roman’s face fell immediately. He struggled to come up with an answer, and even if he had had one, he didn’t think the sound would come out. This was enough of an answer in itself

“Shit,” Virgil breathed. Roman couldn’t help but be mildly annoyed by his surprise—clearly he had already known, he didn’t have to make it a big deal now.

“I… Princey—Roman…” Virgil looked him up and down, and Roman wanted to curl up and hide. “...how many times?”

“Not many,” Roman mumbled. Virgil must have known he was pushing the subject too far, because he just frowned and said,

“OK. I mean...it’s not OK, obviously, but you already know that, I just—“ he sighed. “Just… can you talk to me? Instead? Please? When you feel like… that.”

“Yeah, that sounds good,” Roman responded hastily, wanting an out from this topic.

Virgil gave him a look. “I’m serious. I mean—look, you don’t even have to talk about it if you don’t want. Just, come to me first, yeah?”

Roman’s face burned; he was embarrassed; he wanted to shrug this whole thing off, or roll his eyes, or maybe scream in annoyance. But the rational part of him knew Virgil was right. “OK,” he agreed softly, “...Thanks. For everything.”

Virgil looked surprised, and then flustered, and then waved off the earnest reply. “I mean, it wasn’t--I didn’t--it’s not like I did anything really--”

“You did.”

Virgil’s face softened. “Yeah, well... you’d’ve done the same for me. You... have done the same for me.”

Roman smiled gently at him. “By the way, Virge--” He hesitated. He was about to sound like a real dumbass if Virgil had only been saying this stuff for comfort’s sake. But making a fool of himself was becoming a theme for him anyway, so he continued, “You’re my best friend too.”

I love you.

In the same beats Roman thought it, Virgil squeezed his hand lightly 3 times. A breath passed between them. An understanding. That Roman couldn’t say it out loud, and Virgil wouldn’t.

Instead, Virgil fell back across the bed, bringing Roman with him in the motion. Roman let out a startled gasp and elbowed him lightly. “Hey! I’m injured, that could have been a fatal impact for me!” he whined.

Virgil snorted. “Yeah, yeah, OK. So, do you wanna watch a stupid movie, or what?”

#lucy.fic #romangst #roman sanders angst #roman hurt/comfort #prinxiety #platonic prinxiety #ts roman #ts virgil #everyone ik reading the title of this fic: ohhh my god we know u like penelope scott we know #‘we know u associate this song w roman we KNOW</3’#roman sanders #virgil sanders #sanders sides #also standard statement that im not a writer i just write sometimes pls do not. judge thishehusgs

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