#not a sign to tell me to toughen up

[jessicas-pi]

A Thing Happened. I Want To Complain About It. I Don't Want To Talk About It. I Want To Cry. I Don't Want To Cry. I Have Feelings. Actually No I Don't. This Is Not A Huge Bad Thing I'm Just Tired And Emotional BTW

[saetoru]

✩ ‧₊˚ ✩ SORCERY SCHEMES — GETO SUGURU.

contents. non sorcery au!, husband! suguru, gn! reader, nanako and mimiko are still your kids, silly lil shenanigans of cult leader! suguru being in your dreams

suguru has been the source of your anger for lots of things over the years. some fair, others not so much.

that one important date he accidentally missed because he got caught up at work. that time you vented and he tried to tell you to toughen up instead of picking your side. that time he accidentally shrunk your favorite sweater in the laundry. that time he fell asleep while you were talking late at night (he had insisted he was tired, in his defense—you were just too stubborn to let him sleep.)

marriage has its ups and downs, but suguru likes to think you’re a strong couple—but this? this is the most outrageously ridiculous reason to be mad at him—he’s simply at a loss.

“so let me get this straight,” he starts slowly, as if trying to comprehend something far too complex for his simple mind, “you’re mad at me because i had some superpowers in your dream—”

“it was sorcery,” you hiss, “were you even listening?”

“right. sorry. i was…a sorcerer,” he apologizes. he looks at you like you’re insane—your eye twitches just a little. “and then suddenly i went crazy in the head and killed a village and adopted nanako and mimiko and…left. to basically cleanse an entire demographic. is that right?”

“you had a cult too.”

“and the cult,” he nods slowly, “can’t forget the cult.”

“yeah,” you glower—if looks could kill, suguru thinks he might have never been born at all. this is a new one, he has to admit. “and it was really fucking rude. you left. and you took the kids before i could even meet them.”

“okay,” he says tiredly, rubbing his forehead, “baby, i don’t know if you realize this, but i don’t…i can’t perform sorcery. and i don’t have a cult i can lead either. i’m just a literature teacher—”

“i know what you are,” you snap, shoving away the hand he tries to reach at you with, “you’re a selfish psychopath who committed heinous crimes and left me single and alone as you led a group of people to follow your crazy ideas. don’t even think about touching me—”

“so do you want me to apologize?” he sighs, “because i’m sorry—”

“what if i left you? huh? and just started killing everyone who has blue eyes? what then? i’ll take the kids this time and leave you alone, see how you like it.”

“well, at least that gets rid of satoru,” he mutters quietly. and then he grins—chuckles a soft little laugh that makes the edges of your lips curl just a bit. “you’re crazy,” he snorts, shaking his head. and then— “but i love you. c’mere.”

you don’t fight the hand the reaches towards you this time, letting his arm curl around your waist and pull you into his side. that’s a good sign, he thinks, so he tests the waters and plants a kiss to your head. you melt just a little.

“i’m still mad at you,” you mumble.

“yeah, i figured,” he grins, “anything i can do to erase my sins as a mass murderer?”

“you can make breakfast,” you hum, leaning closer as you rub circles into his chest, “and wash the dishes.”

“easy enough,” he nods, pulling a scowl from you.

“you’re not off the hook yet,” you click your teeth.

“of course,” he nods in agreement, “i still have to atone for my radical actions. i’ll start by resurrecting all the people i killed. that should do it, right?”

“suguru, be serious,” you huff, “i was very sad, okay?”

“did you miss me?” he wriggles his brows—you look at him incredulously before slapping his chest. he chuckles a little too long for your liking.

“what a stupid question,” you pinch your nose, “so if i became delusional and ran off to erase a population, you wouldn’t be upset with me?”

“actually, i’d follow you because i love you,” he shrugs, pinching your nose lightly, “i’d be your cult’s second-in-command. obviously you just didn’t love me enough in your dream to do the same for me.”

“you didn’t invite me,” you pout through a glare, “what was i supposed to do? show up unwelcome?”

“well, nothing was stopping you. was i at least a strong sorcerer?” he asks in wonder.

you think for a moment before nodding. “yeah,” you say thoughtfully, “one of the strongest.”

“nice,” he grins—he seems a bit too pleased for something that happened in your dreams.

you decide to deal the harsh blow. “but not nearly as strong as satoru. you know he was the literally the strongest?”

“okay,” he scowls, “if you do kill blue-eyed people, start with him.”

you giggle, leaning up to kiss his jaw as he lets a soft grin pull over his features. he laughs with you—and suddenly, you’re both chuckling together uncontrollably.

it’s a bit of a silly circumstance, but he kisses your forehead and means it when he says, “sorry i left you to kill people and led a cult and committed a bunch of crimes while i wiped out a whole group of people. i didn’t mean it.”

“you took the kids too,” you remind him.

“i don’t know what i was thinking,” he shakes his head, “those two are a handful. how was i managing being a single father with all that on my plate?”

“that’s why you shouldn’t have left me,” you point out.

“you’re right,” he agrees, “i’ll invite you if i ever snap and lose my sanity.”

“good. you’re forgiven. now, i want chocolate chip pancakes—and make coffee while you’re at it.”

“yeah, whatever,” he rolls his eyes. he kisses you though, a soft little peck over your lips as you hum into the kiss and cup his cheek, “you got it. whatever you want.”

“i want you,” you murmur, “unhinged sorcerer and all.”

he laughs at the craziness of it all—but he loves it anyway, loves you despite it all.

“and i want you too,” he grins, hopelessly in love, “if you’ll do me the honors and join my crazy sorcery schemes.”

hi i’m tee and i had a dream that my rude ass sister stole my car and totaled it and now im very mad at her and i am not speaking to her until she apologizes. she refuses so im now double mad

[faggy--butch]

sorry to ramble in your inbox but its kinda fucking me up how "trans man with a cishet boyfriend who misgenders him behind his back" is like seen to be a person to make fun of in the general queer tumblr space instead of a person who is in a vulnerable situation. i know that there is trans men who are also women and there are trans men who are genuinely okay with dating a cis man who considers himself straight but people talking about these hypothetical couples arent talking about these situations but rather about "haha stupid trans man doesnt realize hes dating a bigot"

theres this attitude that the hypothetical cishet boyfriend is actually a conservative so it should be obvious to trans man that he doesnt respect his identity but i feel like its less "oh its obvious that this specific man is a bigot" and more "obviously cishet white men are bigots" and its weird how people laugh at this person instead of acknowledging that even if you are dating a bigot its usually not a big win for you personally. like the bigot cishet boyfriend isnt going to be okay with his trans man boyfriend starting testosterone. like we can sympathize with emotional abuse happening towards other groups but when its gay and mspec trans men its like "oh he should have known that would happen" or "its his fault for dating a bigot"?

of course people have the same making fun of the victim narrative with afab nonbinary people who date cishet men who misgender them [and im sure this bleeds over to affecting all nonbinary people if people arbitrarily decide theyre afab if the nonbinary person refuses to tell them personal information about themselves but the larger narrative always specifies that this is an afab person] and its almost like a "this is what you get for being attracted to men" sort of thing.

and also i theres something to be said about warning people for signs their partner or potential partner doesnt respect their identity but considering i imagine its a common anxiety among trans and nonbinary people who are into that sorta thing to wonder "am i ever going to find someone who loves me and is also accepting of me for being [insert gender here]?" its sort of fucked up for it to be common to basically claim "yea if youre dating a cis man who said he was straight before he started dating you but says he respects your identity hes probably just straight up lying to your face" and then laugh at the person getting misgendered for not knowing they were being misgendered.

anyway sorry for this big ramble i cant even remember specific instances of this to reference so i might seem like im making up a guy to be mad at but i swear this is like a general attitude and almost running joke i see around. anyway. have a good day.

I absolutely see that too, and I think it's a mixture of straight up victim blaming, because oh noo how dare you WANT to date *gasp* cis men

but it come with an intense transandrophobia and exorsexism because there's a lot more sympathy when it comes to cis women dating cishet men "poor things uwu" but when it's trans men or in this case non binary people assumed to be women, it's always "see I told you so" smug superiority. (cis women get this too, because of misogyny obviously, but it's different and worse for trans men) People are just waiting for a chance to be misogynistic and trans men are an acceptable target. This is honestly extra fucked up when we remember that trans men experience some of the highest rates of domestic violence and rape in the community though.

being trans is such a vulnerable place to be in, and a lot of people, trans or not are insecure or just want to be loved, that's normal. A lot of people are willing to accept certain behaviors from their partners that are bad, because of those reasons as well, victim blaming, and ESPECIALLy telling trans men to toughen up or "what did you expect" is apart of the toxic expectations that get placed of trans men as well. I could honestly go on for hours about this. good ask,anon

[rockrosethistle]

I actually fucking hate Mr. Jägerman here's why

Mr. Jägerman is a character in the Hatchetfield universe who is never onstage and only mentioned in 1 (one) line. This was enough to ignite my rage.

It's because in this one line, so much is revealed about Max's character. So let's dissect that.

Max is mean. We know this. The very first thing established about him is how threatening he is. But I think his character often gets lost in the 'bully' identity, because just like every other Hatchetfield character, he is layered and complex.

We also find out two other things about him pretty much immediately: He has a crush on Grace (we'll come back to that) and he needs to feel in control.

There's a lot of evidence to support this. He repeatedly refers to himself as the 'god' of Hatchetfield High. He creates arbitrary rules around who his friends can date. He creates arbitrary rules around where the nerds are 'allowed' to go. And the moment someone implies he is not as powerful as he thinks he is, he retaliates violently.

This isn't just Max being a jerk. These are all signs of someone who is almost certainly deprived of control in their home life, which forces them to find it elsewhere. Max likely has little to no say in what happens to him at home. He's clinging to a sense of control wherever he can find it. And that line basically confirms that his home isn't a safe place for him.

Back to the crush on Grace, when you look objectively at the actions Max takes in the show, you'll find that he's not really a bad person, he's a mean person. He's a little shit that processes his need for control in the entirely wrong way, but people are shaped by their surroundings. The actions that come from him are different.

His crush on Grace only supports this. Every other bully in every piece of media sees the girl they like and whistle and say "yo lemme hit that." And if the girl rejects them, they resort to "tease bitch." Not Max. The first thing he does is start a conversation with her, laughs at (what he thinks is) a joke, then offers to carry her books. Like, I wish my highschool bullies were that nice to their own girlfriends.

When she rejects him, it's true that he continues to pursue her and calls her "dirty girl," but that once again comes back to his need to feel in control. But he doesn't get aggressive, he doesn't do anything that screams 'bully.'

We don't get a lot of scenes with pre-ghost Max. But when we do, they're interesting to analyze. Like, have you ever noticed that when he finds Steph in the Waylon Place, his very first instinct is to tell her, "Get behind me, I'll protect you" from, as far as he knows, actual ghosts? He feels like his life is in danger, but he's still putting Steph's safety first, despite having no interest in her romantically. That's huge.

There's even some evidence to support that Max terrorizing the nerds is, from his perspective, not so one-sided. When he finds out they were the ones who pulled the pranks, he says "I thought you guys hated me."

And he's open to change. He's not stubborn, he's not brutal. He doesn't continue hating the nerds just because it is what it is. Moments before his death, he is showing signs of opening up to them, and actually seems like he's coming around.

And none of this is meant as trying to defend Max's actions. I know he's the antagonist. I know he treats people unfairly. But all of this has to come from somewhere. I'm trying to say that there was clearly a foundation of a good person underneath all that cruelty. So what toughened his shell?

Mr. Jägerman. Max reveals in that one line that if he were to go back home from the 'party', his dad would call him a 'little cuck.' "can't even fight off one lousy skele'uhn." In this, he reveals his dad is demeaning to him. He's the kind of man who would hear that his son was in a life-or-death situation, and instead of comforting him, he would have made fun of him.

What must that do to a person? As someone who grew up in a home where Dad wasn't always a safe person to be around, I know that when I was younger, a lot of my bad bad behaviours were something I learned from him.

The prank meant to scare Max was the nicest thing anyone's ever done for him.

I think a lot of what happens in NPMD is indirectly Mr. Jägerman's fault. "Knowledge is knowing Frankenstein is the doctor, wisdom is knowing Frankenstein is the monster" type of shit. It is directly because of his actions and the way he treated his own child that any of this happened.

or maybe I'm reading too much into this. But I fucking hate Max's dad so much.

[patriwoso]

squished

alexia putellas x child!reader

Alexia helps a young fan who is getting crushed in a crowd of fans.

You grew up with brothers, they were rough and put you in goal for their football games with their friends. To say you took a battering everytime was an understatement. You papa put you in a boys football team when you turned 4 to 'toughen' you up.

You would watch Barcelona mens games on TV, never being allowed to go to the Camp Nou with your brothers and your papa as you were too young. Instead, your mother put you infront of the Barcelona femeni.  You would skip down to the Johan ever week with your mama, wearing a hand me down jersey with your brothers name on the back.

You soon got to learn everything, by 5 and half you knew all the players and even joined in with the chants too, waving your small flag around.

"Aleexxia! Alexxxiiaa!" You'd sing, proudly showing off your Barcelona jersey on the way to the game, your cuddly toy in your hand.

"Are you excited for the game today, bebita?" Mami asked. You'd nod. "Who are you excited to watch?"

"Alexia!" You'd show off your little toothy grin and shake with excitement.

-

Mama put you on her shoulders so you could see better, you'd raise your arms and cheer and squeal throughout the 90 minutes.

Alexia socred and you went crazy, jumping up and down and giggling with you mama, the couple next to you smiling at your happiness.

"Alexia, Mama!!"

At the end of the game, the team won 7-0. You were so excited you wriggled your way through to the front trying to see past everyone. You waved at the players as they walked past.

"HOLA MAPI!!" You grinned, waving your hand franticallly.

You gasped a little as you felt an older girl behind you shoving you against the railing, looking down you see someone else stepping on your foot, squishing it inside your pink trainers.

"MAPI POR FAVOR!!!"

"ow!" You tried to move but you kept getting pushed and shoved.

You were a small five year old, and getting pushed around in a crowd of shouting people wasn't something you wanted to be in.

"MAMMA!" You called out, but mama was no where to be seen.

Tears filled your eyes and spilled down your cheeks.

"Ow! You are hurting!" You tried to call out to the people around you but no one seemed to listen as they waved their shirts down at the players.

“OW! POR FAVOR!” You teared up more, being barged around between older children and adults, being squished against the barricade.

Alexia came over towards your stand, not having seen you squished in and teary eyed. She signed a few shirts and then caught sight of you.

"Alexia!" You cried, in both happiness and fear. You tears became more violent as the crowd pushed closer and closer to the barrier to see sight of the footballer.

"Hola bebita, your ok!" She shouted at the crowd around you to stop pushing and this caught attention of her teammates. Patri, Aitana, Mapi and Claudia rushed over jsut as she pulled you over the fenced area. 

You tears didn't stop, they couldn't. You were scared and frightened.

The players created a circle around you, Alexia holding you against her chest as you legs wrapped around her.

She rubbed your back softly and gently swayed you side to side.

"What's your name?" Patri smiles softly, rubbing your cheek to clear the drying tears.

"I'm y/n." You sobbed, holding your soft toy in your hand still, a tight grip on the cuddly penguin.

"How old are you, y/n?"

You held up five fingers on your small hand,  dropping your head onto Alexia's shoulder.

"Your so tiny!" Alexia smiled. Are you here with mama and papa?"

"Mami" You told her.

"With you mami." she nods. "Does she know where you went?" She asks, looking around back to the stands she pulled you from.

You shook your head, you'd slipped out of her reach and was just too excited to wave to the team that you forgot to keep near her.

"Who is this?" Claudia points at your penguin, Alexia shifting you onto her hip as you show your cuddly toy.

"Pepa" You tell her, your voice soft and quiet.

The girls keep you calm and security goes to find you mama. Alexia keeping hold of you the whole time.

"You must have been scared in there, huh?" She smiles softly, tilting her head.

You nod. "I just small!" You tell her.

She chuckles softly. “You are! But it’s okay, your safe now.”

“Did you like the game? Alexia scored an amazing goal didn’t she!” Mapi smiles.

“Sí! I did lots of clapping” You grin at the defender. “Mami put me high so I could see.” You tell them.

A short while later, security come down to the pitch with your mami.

“Y/N!” She rushes over, taking you out of the Barcelona captain’s arms. “I told you to stay by my side!” She sighs.

“Lo siento Mami. But this is Alexia!” You giggle, looking at the midfielder who’s smiling at you.

“Well thank you for helping her, Alexia.” She smiles.

“It’s not worries, I loved spending time with you y/n! I’ll see you at the next game?” She asks.

You nod. “Sí!! And Pepa!” You hold up the penguin and wave it at her.

“Say bye now, we need to go.” Mama hurry’s you up.

“Bye Alexia!”

“Bye Y/N! Bye Pepa!”

[whathorselegs]

Between my recent skk emotional hurt/comfort fic and my older one, its got me thinking about the differences and similarities in how I depict Dazai and Chuuya's depressive episodes.

The similarities would be that, they both try to hide it and are both quiet when struggling with their mental health. They don't reach out for help. Chuuya doesn't because he views it as a sign of weakness, he can't afford to show within the mafia, he's an Exec, he has to be strong. He'll tell himself he needs to toughen up and push through it. Dazai doesn't because he convinces himself through his self-destructive tendencies and self-loathing that he doesn't deserve help. He allows himself to spiral because he can't bare the shame of being a burden to someone else.

And the differences are how they react physically to their depressive episodes.

In a way Dazai deflates. He's so exhausted because he starts to deny himself the things he needs to function and engaging in more self destructive behaviours, until it leaves him at the point where he can't get back up. He lays down and just goes numb. Dazai experiences almost a conscious coma where his mind his still running, telling him awful things, but he just can not move his body and if he's left like that he'll just keep getting worse. I think in the beginning stages, it often gets mistaken for him being lazy, but he's not, Dazai's genuinely exhausted and can't perform simple tasks when his mind gets that bad.

As for Chuuya he goes tense. Literally, he'll be on edge and agitated, because he'll refuse to give in to how tired his body feels. His depressive episodes, to me, constantly fire his flight or fight responses until he gets so wound up he's scared relaxing will break him apart completely. In both fics I wrote Chuuya getting to the point where he's literally curled up a fetal position completely tense because he can't let his body relax. He's got nothing to fight, nowhere to run, so he goes defensive and makes himself as small as possible to avoid the threat. But the threat's himself, so he can't escape it.

It also effects how I write them helping each other through their depressive episodes too. Dazai gives Chuuya the space to safely fall apart and Chuuya helps pull Dazai back together again.

They're both gentle, yet forceful about it, because they know their partner will resist the help before giving in, but they know what each other needs to get back on track. Or they do when they're older anyways, they stumbled through it when they were younger because they'd both think, "Well, what would I want in this situation? To be left alone." and that's not an option they are comfortable with, so until they learned what each other needed, they clumsily tried to help each other with little tact.

However, eventually Dazai recognizes Chuuya needs someone to tell him "It's okay, whatever it is, you can let go now." he needs that reliability, someone to be the protector, the stable one, so he can safely fall apart for a while. Whereas Chuuya knows Dazai needs some one to literally (and figuratively) pick him up off the floor and help him with preforming the basic acts of self-care so he can start to feel more like himself again.

[punkpandapatrixk]

🐶The Moon’s Message to Your Inner Child ♦︎ Timeless Pick A Card

This PAC is in collaboration with @faerytreealtars and her part of the PAC covers a message from the Sun🌞Check out her PAC to get a full circle reading~🍃😉

["Wisdom from the Sun" – how to reach your divine self]

‘Do you like to draw with crayons? I’m not very good at it. But it doesn’t matter. It’s the fun of doing it that’s important. Now, I wouldn’t have made that if I’d just thought about it. No matter how anybody says it is, it feels good to have made something. The best thing is that each person’s would be different. In a way, you’ve already won in this world. Because you’re the only one who can be you. And that’s the way it’s supposed to be.’ – Mr Rogers

SONG: Take Me by Miso

MOVIE: Finding Neverland (2004) & Goodbye Christopher Robin (2017)

[PAC Masterlist] [Patreon] [Paid Readings]

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Pile 1 – Kinder and Kinder to Your Younger Self

VIBE: BAD MODE by Utada Hikaru

your heart’s secret desires – XIX The Sun

You are actually somebody who believes deeply in world peace. You desperately want to see the world become a sweetly welcoming place for all, especially children and animals. You have a belief that children and animals are so deserving of gentleness and safety. But you often forget that all adults are just as deserving of the same kindness we bestow children and cute animals.

At some point if Life, you grew up and became tough. I think you thought that you needed to become so. I think your environment made you believe it was important to become so tough the world you wouldn’t beat you to it. You’ve experienced quite a bit of hardships, too, so it was rather easy to fall prey to this cruel notion that adults must all toughen up.

‘If you’re tough with yourself, the world will be gentle with you.’ ??

Though it may seem like those words contain so much practical wisdom, deep down, your heart is terribly disturbed by it. There’s just something that’s not quite right about it. If everybody is hard on themselves… how can anybody be gentle with someone else?

in your element – 2 of Swords

Irrespective of what your Moon Sign is or where in your natal chart it is placed, you’re technically not a person who wants to toughen up. I think you’re a deeply sensitive Soul who still believes that patience and compassion can solve many of the world’s problems. Because in fact, your Higher Heart knows this to be true. You’re somebody who can make real compromises to accommodate the needs of others and you’re genuinely capable of real charity because you’re the type that tries to understand wholeheartedly where somebody else is coming from.

When you help others, you do so with their best interest at heart and you don’t even expect anything in return. When you are useful to other people, when your existence can improve other people’s life situations, you feel most like yourself. All that you hope for is that people are at minimum grateful because when people are grateful, they’re really only increasing their own ability to manifest even more ease and abundance. You’re not even expecting them to be grateful to you. My goodness, you must be God🤩

But uhm… You sure, honey, you’re not compromising way too much because you’re also somewhat people pleasing for a lack of gentleness in your childhood?

making dreams a Reality – V The Hierophant

See, The Sun is no.19 in the Major Arcana; that reduces to 10. The Hierophant is no.5 and this is telling me that you’re about halfway to manifesting all your dreams of ease and world peace. The half of your manifestation is already stored in your Higher Heart and you have nothing to worry about it. What you do need to focus on is learning to be kinder and gentler with your own younger self. You’re so kind and accommodating to others but often forget that you need tender care yourself.

There’s a possibility that you grew up with stern adults who didn’t know how to be gentle with children. You grew up being a victim to this kind of behaviour so you overcompensate by being overly nice to others because you don’t want to become like them. But you’re still hard on yourself because this is like already programmed in your subconscious, and if you notice, you have a tendency to also be quite stern with those closest to you. And wow… that often kinda gets messy.

Can you imagine if you became a parent yourself? You could become a perpetrator of a cycle of old people pointing fingers at young people who are still trying to figure out their place in the world. I don’t think you’d be happy with yourself in your older years when you realise you haven’t broken this pattern yourself. I believe you’re someone who wants to leave a legacy of a more peaceful nature🍂It begins by creating a new world by creating a new you, after forgiving yourself for past mistakes you made when you didn’t yet know so much🍃

INNER ALCHEMY🔻❤️

balancing logic and emotions – Silver Astrologer (John Dee)

speaking with conviction – Priestess of Inspiration

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Pile 2 – Baby Venus, You Came Here to Beautify This World

VIBE: Forever by aespa

your heart’s secret desires – Ace of Cups

You are for sure a Lightworker. Maybe even a Starseed. Or something of a cosmic mystic. Could also be from the faery or elven realm. The point is, your Soul is deeply connected to a realm other than this Earth we perceive consciously right now. That makes your heart EXTRA pure and sparkly because the essence of your being is more refined, baby!

What does it even mean to be Human? Often you don’t have an answer to that. Only thing is, a lot of things about common human conducts that seem to denote their humanness don’t seem all too humane for you. It’s like you’re wondering, ‘If these are the traits that make people Human… then what am I? Because I certainly am not that harsh, deceitful, destructive, or whatever else!’

You have a strong morality about you and you should damn well honour this. The Human world is ugly, indeed, and from your place of beauty, your Soul volunteered to be born here to teach Humans about beauty. Beauty is nice. Beauty is good. Beauty elevates the Human Spirit and if only more people would open themselves to the possibilities, surely everyone would be a lot happier than they are now.

That’s your philosophy, more or less✨🪷

in your element – VI The Lovers Rx

You may resonate to a large extent with being an activist of sort. Whether or not you call yourself an activist or are involved in any real activist project, you know deep down that you’ve always been an activist before even knowing such a term exists. You want to fight for something good in this world. You want to bring an end to all these uncomfortable things that you are witnessing being perpetuated in the Human world. Problem is…

It's been quite hard for you to find people who are on the same bandwidth of frequency as yourself. I think you have a lifelong mission to find your Soul Tribe whilst being incarnate on Earth. I mean, your kind is far and between, honey. It may take some time to find each other and unite for a good cause.

Although you may feel misunderstood and lonely from time to time, the way I see it, you could view this whole journey to finding kindred spirits as a wholesome adventure story. Like a fairy tale, you know. After all, you are a faery. Your Life Story has a purpose to beautify the human spirit later when all’s weaved together to create a grander story with your kindred spirits. It’s all written in the stars already, so might as well enjoy the story writing itself from now🧚🏻‍♀️

making dreams a Reality – II The High Priestess

For you really aren’t of this world, I sense that you actually possess some kind of a superpower. Sure, others might think you’re a weirdo (even a freak for some of you) and that your interests and hobbies are strange and taboo. But what do they know? These mortals are prisoners of their own fake realities.

Since you were a kid, you’ve always known there are holes within this perceived reality and somehow, you’ve always believed there are ways you can bend reality with thought alone. You kinda just didn’t know exactly how that works, you just know it. Like breathing—unless you’ve studied biology, you wouldn’t know how to explain how breathing works but you just know that it happens and how it feels. Something like that.

Your connection to your personal spirituality, your personal occult practices, and everything else of that nature, holds the key to making your Divine Dreams a part of this mortal reality. It’s a beautiful process that only you can experience in your own divine ways, so I can’t tell you what to do exactly to manifest your Destiny. You’ve just gotta keep going at what you know to be your truth🧜🏻‍♀️

And the truth is, you are a magical being who doesn’t even play in the same dimension as the mortals😉Keep doing your magical shit!

INNER ALCHEMY🔻💗

balancing logic and emotions – Silver Astronomer (Galileo Galilei)

speaking with conviction – Priestess of Illumination

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

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Pile 3 – Don’t Kill Your Dreams No Matter How Wild

VIBE: Anata (Darling) by Utada Hikaru

your heart’s secret desires – 5 of Cups

Hellow, wildchild. It seems you’ve been through quite a bit in Life. There was something in your childhood that erupted in ways your child mind couldn’t have anticipated and it broke you emotionally and spiritually. You’re a pretty logical person, actually, so there’s a part of you that’s been wishing you could get over this heartache. But it hasn’t been easy, at all.

The reason for that is that you care too much. Because you’re incredibly sensitive and kind, you couldn’t help but care. Your heart gets easily disturbed by any small distortion you perceive in this Matrix Reality. You have spidey senses for this kind of thing. Your inner world is so expansive and this is partly why you always feel like you want to help. You want justice to win over evil.

You tend to feel like you’re the one who has to be strong and prove everything to everyone. Not only are you helpful, but you’re truly heroic! That’s how I see it😎The problematic thing is… human beings are not exactly a grateful bunch, so… Maybe being so helpful and heroic isn’t always the best way to nurture your Soul whilst living in this human world?

in your element – Page of Wands Rx

I’m not saying you should stop caring and become a coldhearted bitch. But perhaps posing to be one is a good strategy to preserve your sanity?😜The truth of the matter is that you’re really too precious for this world. You know when people say, ‘We don’t deserve this man or woman or dog or cat.’ You’re exactly like that.

Your passion for making the world a better place is often used against you. I’m kind of thinking of someone like Elon Musk in your case. He was bullied badly at school, but look what he’s doing now. He’s making attempts to improve the lives of everybody that even those bullies are bound to benefit from his passionate work. The haters today are probably gonna benefit just the same, right?

Well, I’m a coldhearted bitch, so my petty view is that these losers don’t deserve to benefit from the works of Elon Musk LMAO But what do you think of yourself? I know that in this lifetime you are going to make great leaps that will improve the lives of those you care about. But what about your heart? Will you be able to forgive those who have made hell out of your Life? Or will you become a vengeful barbie bitch who shows them the door to hell of their own making?

It’s up to you and it should be a very exciting spectacle to anticipate👻

making dreams a Reality – XII The Hanged Man Rx

The Hanged Man is a card that has some relations to The Lovers (to think you even get the Priestess of Love for the bonus content🤯). The Hanged Man often talks about compromises and sacrifices. It’s like, when you love and care so much you’re bound to make sacrifices because the world is far from utopian. In an ideal world we wouldn’t have to hurt just to manifest blessings and abundance, for ourselves or everybody else. But… this is what we have, so…

But although this world is messy and hurtful, it wouldn’t be wise for you to reduce the brilliance of your dreams just to avoid heartache or disappointments. You’re avantgarde; not that many people can see the value of what you wish to achieve with your talents. Never kowtow to the convention. Although you’re helpful and a very pleasant person to be around, you’ve got your own big dreams that are needed by the community. I think you just haven’t allowed yourself to fully embrace this idea.

Know that you’re supported by the cosmos in pursuing to improve what you know to be your true talents. One day, the world will be so grateful that you never gave up on your Light. But when that day comes, what’s your care? Gratitude is the least of your concerns. Basically you just want to live on your own terms and create magical pathways for the world to enter into🌏Whilst at it, might as well do whatever you like🌞

INNER ALCHEMY🔻🧡

balancing logic and emotions – Gold Historian (Raphael Holinshed)

speaking with conviction – Priestess of Love

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☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

[PAC Masterlist] [Patreon] [Paid Readings]

[ms-cartoon]

So sorry for the wait! I wanted to take a break from Helluva Boss for a little while because I needed to focus on other things. I feel like I’m a little late for it, but I don’t care all that much. As much as I like to have fun criticizing Helluva Boss, I don’t want my blog to be completely centered around the topic. I mainly signed into this site for my art, despite the lack of attention it gets. So you probably won’t be seeing so much post about the show as much as you used to. It’ll probably only be a once in a while kind of thing. But anyway . . . .

For once, we actually have an episode where the plot is focused on IMP doing their JOBS since the Cherub episode! Bet y'all this won't last long.

 Of course, this is another “Let’s shit on Moxxie” episode and it sucked a**. Moxxie was surprisingly annoying this whole episode. I feel like the writers just straight up ruined his character for me. It’s bad enough that his story arc is really repetitive where he’s a scrawny loser that nobody likes to him toughening up at the last minute, but with this episode being the same damn thing only with him being a big crybaby about it and so desperate for attention???? And from some petty teenagers too, like--

Plus, Blitzo stays an asshole to nearly everyone around him like always. And the fact that we’re supposed to sympathize with him this whole time because he’s in his feelings and is all boohoo because his sister don’t like him is even more ridiculous and irritating. 

On the plus side, Millie actually has some character development to her, but not even that is satisfying. Actually, I think the writers may have just failed with that one and I’ll explain why later.

So most of this episode is mainly centered around Moxxie and Millie who had to complete a mission for a client while Blitzo is taking care of whatever he has his concerns about, being his sister, Barbie. So, he leaves Moxxie in charge and the two arrive at this summer camp where the client was killed. To disguise themselves, they dress up as the opposite of their genders and they pretend to be brother and sister.

One of the issues I had with this episode is that, like always, there are up to three plots mixed in one pot. We have Blitzo trying to search for his sister, M&M completing their mission without Blitzo, and Moxxie all up in his feelings about his insecurities yet again. Like bro- why can't we just save one of these for ANOTHER EPISODE. Honestly, it’s not like we need a Moxxie episode anyway. We already have enough of that, and lets be real, no lessons are learned. Like this could've been a two-part episode where in the first part Blitzo is looking for his sister and we get a flashback on their childhood and why their relationship is the way it is, and the second part would be focused on Moxxie and Millie on their mission while Blitzo is handling what he's handling. Even then, Moxxie's insecurities could still be a side plot to that second part. But we can't have NONE of that, because the writers just have to rush everything!!

 -- So Blitzo is trying to visit Barbie at the rehab center. . . . through a window??? Like, why can’t you check in at the front door?  As soon as he sneaks in, he’s caught by one of the workers there who tases him and tells him to go away.

So when Blitzo asks about Barbie before leaving, she tells him,

"She's got a job now. A life."

A "job" that consists of illegal drug dealing? Unless this woman doesn't know what Barbie is really involved in, she shouldn't be vouching for her as if she got her life together. And it's also pretty ironic because this is a REHAB Barbie came from. Either the rehab didn't do a good job of helping Barbie or Barbie is so irresponsible and inconsistent, she just left and is using drugs again. Considering the results of her life now, I'm going for the latter.

-- Also, if Blitzo hasn’t seen Barbie in months, why does he decide now that he wants to visit her?? Why hasn’t he been contacting her until now.

-- So Blitzo shows up at the office while M&M are taking care of a client. Moxxie tries to talk to him about it, but Blitzo keeps brushing him off telling him, “Now’s not the time Moxxie!”

Dude! Just get the stupid mission out the way and you could look for your sister then! You got PLENTY of time right after! I don’t care how frustrated you are, you’re their BOSS! What’s the point in you trusting Moxxie to get anything done if you just end up talking shit to him in the end just to be a jerk??

-- Moxxie: Don't worry sir. We'll find your killer, and give him what's coming to him . . . And/Or her . . . .Or they . . . .

Just say "them". That should've been the first pronoun that comes to mind when you're describing someone you don't know the gender to. I might just be overthinking it, but if this dragged-on line might've been Viv's way of showing everyone that she and the writers are acknowledging the LGBT community, then . . . No shit, ma'am. We get it, more than enough of your characters have a sexuality that is anything but straight. We can't even count!

-- So M&M makes it to the human world in gender switched disguises and this is where Moxxie starts to become a nuisance from now to the rest of this show. They're hiding in the bushes, and they spot an obvious suspect of the murder. Millie correctly assumes he was involved, but Moxxie keeps brushes off her assumptions saying,

"That's all circumstantial at best."

My guy . . . . He has a whole bag of CASH and DRUGZ the client mentioned, he's holding a DRILL he most likely used to sink the boat to drown the client, and he's sneaking in a shed with a cautioned look on his face!! HE’S OBVIOUSLY THE MURDERER!! You're so hellbent on wanting to take charge and here you are already f**king it up!!!

So now Moxxie is wasting his time associating himself with these stupid adolescents to investigate even though the murderer was RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM!!! Like, he literally ignores him for the rest of the day, not even suspecting him in the slightest!! Aren't you supposed to be the smart one here???

-- Moxxie tries and fails immediately at this whole roleplaying shtick, lol! Nah cuz first off, how you just gonna barge in on somebody's conversation?? Much less approach these girls as if you know them?? You obviously didn't think things through. Also, seeing Moxxie act like a teenage girl is like watching SpongeBob in a dress with a southern accent.

Freakin' Bugs Bunny can pull off a better female disguise and he can act like ONE HELL OF A WOMAN. He'll make you question your sexuality without even trying.

What I'm trying to say is Moxxie is trying too hard with this roleplay and it's making me cringe.

-- Moxxie with try-hard valley girl accent: “I’m Moxxine and I’m the prettiEst gurl in my school! And all the bois want meee!”

“My favorite coloouur is hot-pink because normal pink is SOOOOoooo basic!”

“I gAt my first periAd last year... and it was sOOo heveey.”

“YEEou wAnnA be FrieeeENDs???”

Moxxine. . . . Do us all a favor and SHUT. UP.

-- Female Camper to Moxxie: “The f**k is wrong with your legs??”

One of the rarest of times in Helluva Boss where a human is actually questioning one of these characters’ very obvious demon features. But it doesn’t matter cuz they continue to act stupid for the sake of the plot throughout the rest of the episode.

-- Y’all see how these girls jump from making fun of Moxxie’s red skin to swooning over Millie and saying this-

“Look at how beautifully tan he is!”

Bish, both of them practically have the same skin!! TF!!!??

Also, I know Millie’s supposed to be a dude right now and the kids are supposed to fall for it and believe that she is a dude, but-

I don’t even understand the point of these gender-swapped disguises aside from them only to add comedy to the plot or something or to make it convenient for everyone.

Okay, let's just say this little shot of Millie turning around right here doesn't help. THIS does NOT convince me that Millie is a boy. Especially with them long AF eyelashes. If anything, she looks more like a tomboy with a pretty face.

-- I’m not gonna jump back and forth to Blitzo and his situation cuz I just don’t care and his little side plot seems unnecessary in this episode (or maybe just the other way around. This episode could’ve been about Blitzo and his sister). But the gist of it is that he’s asking around for Barbie’s whereabouts and he immediately gets violent if anyone even slightly questions him. And there’s even the part where he comes across a succubus (or incubus since he’s male) that has an asmodean crystal and he gets violent with him too, putting him at gunpoint to force him to open the portal to the human world. 

First off, I get that he’s desperate to look for Barbie, but is it really necessary for him to hurt people and force questions out of ‘em?? Are we really supposed to be siding with Blitzo here???

Second off, why does Blitzo even bother trying to force a succubus to open a portal with the crystal?? HE ALREADY HAS STOLAS’S GRIMOIRE! He could just go back to the office and use it there! Plus, it’s WAY too much of a coincidence that the portal would immediately take Blitzo where Barbie is, not to mention them being in the same summer camp that Moxxie and Millie are in. It makes more sense for the portal to stop somewhere randomly and Blitzo would have to continue looking for Barbie like he’s been doing.

-- So everybody is just okay with Millie practically killing these children? Like I get its just for comedy, but . . . . they’re still adolescents. These staff members should be fired.

-- Millie is feeling so happy and joy-joy over these kids liking her that she sings a song about it, which bored the hell outta me, so I skipped it. Why is she feeling suddenly ecstatic over this sudden fame?? As if she’s NEVER been acknowledged for her strength and skills before when she already gets enough of that from her husband, Blitzo, and her family. And even then, she wasn’t even that excited over those acknowledgements. Why is it so different with a bunch of random human beings you’re never gonna see again. I don’t even think Millie should be happy over this anyway. It’s not like these kids even like her genuinely. All there is her (or in their eyes, his) pretty face.

-- Why is there suddenly so much merch of Millie?? It hasn’t even been a day yet!!!

 -- Moxxie is sitting in the sidelines feeling jealous she’s suddenly gaining all this attention. He even tries to sing a song as Millie suggested that goes along the lines of

 “Hey! Pay attention to me! I’m better and prettier than all of you and you should like me! Pay attention to me! ME ME ME ME ME ME--”

Which is so out of character for him, btw. Like- WTF am I watching right now??? It’s just beyond embarrassing! You forget this is CHILDREN you’re singing too! Also, not to disrespect Richard Steven Horvitz. He’s a good voice actor and he played some awesome characters I like, but he is NO singer and he’s not even that good. I mean, he can stay on note, but that’s it. I don’t know what fans are going gaga about. Of course, this stupid song doesn’t work, and everyone continues to put their attention on Millie, so Moxxie walks off and cries like a bitch baby. . . . . No, I’m serious! He’s hiding in a tool shed and balling like a little petty teenager screaming, “Go away! Leave me alone. I wanna go home.”

Like bro- Did you just forget why you and your wife are even here in the first place?? Why are you even feelin all bad about a bunch of kids not liking you?? There not even that likable enough to be gaining attention from. And Millie trying to coax him and get him out of his temper tantrum is honestly stupid and embarrassing cuz first off, she shouldn’t have to and second off, she’s basically giving him the same advice she’s been giving him since the harvest moon festival when she shouldn’t have to. You see what I mean when I say this is another Moxxie episode with the same damn plot??

Viv and the crew are really screwing with Moxxie’s character here, from him being an untalented loser to him crying because he’s an untalented loser and suddenly getting jealous of his own wife (who’s suddenly talented at EVERYTHING for some reason). Like its kinda hard for me to even look at him.

Millie tells him once again to just do what he’s good at and continue to investigate by playing to his strengths, in which he keeps failing at the rest of the week, getting eaten by bears and sharks, hit with by a volleyball, shot with bow and arrows, y’know just constant Moxxie torture porn as if we’ve haven’t had enough of that already.

-- Excited for a concert she’s suddenly getting involved in (okay I thought this was a summer camp. Why is there a concert involved??) Millie shows up and tells Moxxie about it, not even realizing he’s not feeling the best of moods right now. Alright. . . . I know Millie’s having fun here, but she cannot be that unaware that her husband is having a hard time.

Now this where we finally get to see Moxxie and Millie having a serious argument for a change. And it’s pretty interesting to see. I was actually hoping to see the day where we see M&M fighting for once to show they're not always a perfect couple, and now here we are. Still, how the show goes about their argument doesn’t exactly work . . . . for either of them really.

On Moxxie’s end, he’s upset and jealous that Millie is practically a celebrity to these kids and suddenly goes off on her for it. And he had the absolute AUDACITY to say this- 

“We have a JOB to do, Millie! Meanwhile, you’re dancing for views!”

Um, EXCUSE YOU SIR- What do you mean, “We have a JOB to do”? You’re the one that wanted to waste your time associating yourself with these kids and investigate THEM instead of the actual murder who was right there under your nose!! You weren’t even worried about the mission this whole damn time! You were so stuck on wanting to get so much attention from these campers, you completely ignored it!

On one hand, you’re like, “HiiEEE! I’m Moxxine!! Everyone pay attention to me!” Not focused on your job AT ALL!

On the other hand, once you see Millie getting so much love, you’re like, “Millie!! We got a job to do! Stop paying attention to these people and focus on the mission!!”

Bro, this has NOTHING to do with Millie not being focused! You’re just jealous she’s getting the attention that you want. Like seriously- This is unrealistically so out of character for Moxxie! Why is he being such a hypocritical dick here???

On Millie’s end? She pretty much has every right to be upset with Moxxie because he was being unreasonably mad at her. But what she says here was completely out of nowhere!!

Millie: "For once, I feel like I . . . like I'm important!"

Frikin WHAT Millie!!??

What do you mean?? Since WHEN have you ever felt unimportant to anything?? Literally, WHEN was there a time when you felt inferior or second-best to ANYONE!! This entire show, you've been shown already to be much more stronger and talented than your freakin husband!! With looks, your fighting skills, and precisely everything else you've shown off this entire episode!! The only one who should be feeling unimportant, who HAS been feeling unimportant is MOXXIE!! From Blitzo whose been treating him like crap, to Loona whose also treating him like crap, to Millie's parents and everyone else in her family who don't even like him, to Striker showing off and trying to be better than him, his own damn FATHER, his ex-boyfriend, a ton of kids at a stupid camp-- Freakin EVERYONE is always shitting on Moxxie while Millie is getting the most acknowledgment. Are we sure Moxxie is the only one being selfish here??

Also, I can get that Viv, Adam, and the writers FINALLY gave Millie a certain character and development to her here, but it still doesn't work and they failed! Know why? Cuz once again, where did this sudden inferiority come from??!! Since when has Millie felt she was unimportant to anyone or unworthy of praise? She already gets enough love and praise from her parents. Blitzo always acknowledged her and is hardly mean to her at all. And of course she get's enough support from her husband who loves her more than anything and he always notices her. So honestly, she shouldn't be feeling unimportant to anything. 

Y’know, Millie’s side of the argument here would’ve made sense had there already been an episode just about HER! It would’ve made sense if we we’re shown that Millie had once felt unimportant and that she was no one to be proud of. Then we would’ve understood her side of the argument. But instead, the writers suddenly just drops some angst onto Millie out of nowhere with no kind of depth or build-up. We don’t even know why Millie is feeling the way she never felt before because it was never acknowledged.

And what’s worse is that this is another MOXXIE episode where we’re meant to pay more attention to Moxxie and his little insecurities for the FIFTH DAMN TIME! Where Millie’s feelings and development are only used as a tool for Moxxie to make up his development. Similar to Octavia or Stella who are used as underdeveloped tools for us to sympathize with Stolas and make him out to be a good person when he’s actually pretty selfish and terrible.

Lemme just jump to the next topic before I get off track here.

-- Moxxie finally continues with the mission like he should’ve done already, and he bumps into Blitzo. Realizing Moxxie is still getting the mission complete after a week, Blitzo replies with-

“THIS is why I don’t trust you with dick, Moxx.”

Bro stfu! The first time Moxxie brought it up to you in the office, you told him to get out and handle it on his own. You probably should’ve expected something like this. Also, how did you not realize Moxxie and Millie have been gone for a week??? You couldn’t have been that hellbent on finding your sister the entire time you couldn’t notice anything!!

-- Moxxie (about Barbie): Do you know her?”

Blitzo: Do I know her- That’s my SISTER, f*ckface!”

Ay man! Dial it back with the name-calling!! How was Moxxie supposed to know that’s your sister, especially with the human disguise?

-- OH!! So Barbie can have a human disguise while being an imp, but with Blitzo, Moxxie, and Millie, Viv or any of the artist working on this show won’t take the time of day to come up with their human disguise!!?

Not that her human disguise is all that great anyway. Like, why are her arms and hands still the same, but with different skin.

-- As expected, Barbie turns out to be a bitch and unlikable. Like if you just take away her human form, you’d see a gender swapped version of Blitzo, and I’m not just saying that cuz they’re twins. It’s honestly disappointing, cuz I was actually looking foward to seeing her and was at least hoping there would be something good about her only for me to see her shaking her stuff to this minor. I mean- what the hell?? And NO Viv! It doesn’t matter if this boy is 18. Barbie is Blitzo’s age (around 30) with a huge age gap and it’s freaking wrong!! She even acknowledged that he was way younger than her when she confessed to manipulating him. She’s literally grooming this kid!!

-- How many times is Moxxie gonna fall in and out of being a great fighter!? He’ll be weakling at one point, to being strong the next, right back to being a weakling the next episode, being strong the next, and repeat. CAN HE FIGHT OR NOT??

-- I don’t like how we’re jumping back n forth to Millie wowing these campers.  Can’t we just focus on the fight? How is she doing all these tricks while playing music at the same time? That’s tiring as hell! Since WHEN was she a musician!! And did this bitch just swallow a whole literal SWORD!!!!

-- Okay, I’ll give it to ya . . . I laughed at that one.

-- Blitzo: Barbie wait! Let me help you. . . . . you’re clean now.”

No, no she isn’t.

-- As stated above, Blitzo wants to reconcile with Barbie, begging her to let him help her and even suggested they eat somewhere, but she immediately turns him down, telling him she never wants to see him again and to never look for her. But WHY though!!? What happened between these two? What did Blitzo do that was so bad, she ended up hating him?? How’re y’all gonna keep introducing characters that have bad blood with another and NEVER explore it the rest of the episode?? You see what I mean when I say this episode could’ve been about Blitzo and Barbie and what went on with the two??? But instead what we get is Barbie just being on screen for less than 4 minutes!!

-- HOLY MOLY SHIT, VIV AND ADAM!!! What the hell is it with y’all and these incest jokes!!!

Yeah, I know they’re not actually brother and sister, but to everybody else they are! If they were just gonna end up getting it on in the end, why didn't they just pretend they were boyfriend and girlfriend or something?? And y’all really couldn’t wait until you were in private where nobody is around.

How y’all like Millerd now?

-- Blitzo: “Gotta be honest Moxxie . . . . not to bad for your first solo mission.”

Moxxie: *Gasp* Really sir?

Blitzo: “Nah. . . . You’re a f*cking disgrace.”

Says the guy whose sister can’t even stand him!!?

And why is Moxxie sittin there and on the verge of tears? Usually if Blitzo is talking shit to him, he would talk back. If not that, he would glare and growl at him. And Millie! Why is it that every time your husband is getting shat on, you just sit there??!! Actually stand up for him instead of just sitting and glaring.

-- These animators really can’t keep up with where to draw Millie’s beauty mark. It’s underneath her corner of her eye in one shot to it being on her cheek in the next. Sometimes, it right beside her lip.

So yeah, this was just plain DUMB! To Moxxie’s character turning into shit, to Millie’s character development making no sense, to Blitzo’s being an unsympathetic jerk, to Barbie being a groomer and a jerk.

*Sigh* I need a nap.

[greatprotector-if]

I am the devile on your shoulder and I am asking you to tell us the premise... tell us the premise......like maybe a teeny tiny hint at least🤲🏼🤲🏼🤲🏼🤲🏼🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

(btw forget what I said about urban fantasy within the last however-many minutes I have changed my mind. Have no idea what time period it's set in but I literally only wanted it to be city and modern to insert guns in it so maybe it's medieval fantasy with guns /j)

(P.S. it is a fandom IF. Takes place in the world of Fire Emblem: Three Houses <3 You do not have to have played the game to understand what's going on, I'm changing a lot anyway!)

It's your second year at the Garreg Mach Officers Academy — an elite establishment renowned across the entire continent. It's where the next leaders of nations are trained for warfare, as well as the nobles, the heirs, and the prodigies, even though the continent has been peaceful for decades. There is no sign of a real war, but you've followed your two best friends here: one idiot of a spoiled imperial prince/princess, and one idiot of an infamous and unofficial royal knight. Then there's you, a commoner who doesn't really fit in here, but you're one idiot of a weapons prodigy and your friends would never leave you behind.

The issue is this: you aren't just here to have fun and keep them company. You aren't here prepare for some hypothetical war.

You are here to prepare for the very real war only you know is looming just over the horizon, because you were sent with a job to do. Just a few months ago, the Emperor summoned you into his office. You. Not anyone else. He smiled with all his teeth when he told you not to mention this to your friends, to your family, to anyone — but especially not to his child.

You will continue at the Officers Academy in the coming year, he said pleasantly, folding his hands together. And I need you to keep a close eye on someone for me, until I know it's safe for you to dispose of them. A mark, if you will. You can do that for me, can't you?

Your mark: the next crown of Faerghus. The heir to the Holy Kingdom.

Little was known about them before they came to the academy; they were hidden away from the public after the passing of their mother, the Queen. All you remember are the whispers. Pacifist. Anti-war. Too soft for the crown. They'll crumble.

You saw them a couple of times last year. How the weapons instructor coddled them. How they shook when they held a sword.

You suppose the purpose of them coming to the Officers Academy was to toughen up. But it is too late now. They will be dead before the year is out.

[bougiebutchbitch]

Fuck it, okay, they’re Yondu-feels.

Just. Imagine.

Your parents sold you into slavery as a baby.

You are to become a cybernetic soldier, fighting for your imperialistic masters. You’ve known nothing but hardship, struggle and trauma. No one cares for you. No one protects you. You have no childhood - you grow up quick and you grow up alone.

At some point, you escape. A bunch of rowdy space pirates take you in - your first friends, your first crew, your first family. You want to help them. You want to impress them. You want to impress the whole damn galaxy.

You’re not just a slave anymore. You’re a Ravager.

So, you work your way up. You get your own crew, you take your own jobs. Still, there is Code to be aware of. Laws even among thieves.

The first and foremost law is close to your heart, as well as that of many others from your gang of outcasts and misfits, the castaways of the galaxy:

Don’t ever deal in kids.

You don’t think much of it. Like you’re gonna push little babies into the sort of hell you crawled your way out of.

But that isn’t the way the old god sells it to you, is it?

“They’re my children,” says Ego. “They have no one else - their mothers are mortal, and they’ve passed away. But I can care for my wayward offspring. With me, they will have family again. With me, they will be loved.”

So, you bring him one child.

And another.

And another.

They’re all so excited to meet their daddy, and Ego pays a sweet fuel-fee, with bonuses for swift delivery.

But eventually, you start to suspect. Because every time you drop a new kid off, there’s never any sign of the others. By the time you realize (by the time you stop denying what you’ve been a part of) it’s far too late. Your friends know. And they hate you for it.

One fucking rule. One rule above all others. And you broke it.

You’re out. Stripped of the flame, banished from the fleet. Your new family - gone. Your future - ruined. You’ll even be barred from their afterlife.

But you still have your ship. You still have your crew - the dregs of them, anyway; thieves and killers and far, far worse. And there’s a new message on the comms from Ego. Telling you about another kid of his - a son, on a backwater planet called Earth...

You scoop the brat up. Of course you do - if you didn’t, another merc would. One who’d actually deliver him to his daddy.

He’s a sobbing wreck. Ma just died, or whatever. Plus, apparently alien abduction is pretty traumatic.

Half your crew wanna take him to Ego for one last paycheck. The other half wanna toss him out the airlock. They certainly don’t think he’ll be useful, and your insistence that he be kept on as crew is met with scoffs and sneers. Accusations that you’re becoming the one thing you can never, ever afford to be: soft.

So, you yell at the kid until he quits crying. You tell him he oughta be grateful to you, since you stopped your crew from eating him alive (slight exaggeration, but hey. You’ve always had an odd sense of humor.)

You smack him around, too. Not for the fun of it - just trying to teach him how to fight. You’ve gotta toughen up this squishy little Terran. You can’t let him be soft either, because the galaxy won’t be soft on him.

Even when you give him presents, they’re guns.

Years pass. The kid grows into a somewhat decent thief. He has plenty of opportunities to run back to his primitive planet, but he never does. You tell yourself that means he’s happy. Hell, you gave him the entire galaxy! He oughta be grateful.

But it doesn’t change the fact that you can’t ruffle his hair, except when you’re alone. Can’t hug him when he cries or tell him how proud of him you are. Can’t tell him you’re so glad that he keeps dancing, keeps laughing, keeps smiling.

It doesn’t change how he takes his Milano out on longer joyrides every time, like he’s considering not coming back.

(Not that he’d run. He knows you’d hunt him to the ends of the universe.)

Your lone, exiled crew make a name for themselves, working the worst jobs around - the ones the others in your old gang won’t touch. Which is good, because anyone who deals with you immediately loses the right to deal with the other 99 factions. That’s your punishment.

(As much as you resent it, you can’t deny it’s deserved. When you confront Stakar, years later, on a planet of neon and snow, you still won’t be able to look him in the eyes).

The ship is held together with rust and hope, and every time an old, trusted crewmate dies, they’re replaced with a scummier, crueller one. You rule with an iron fist. First hint of weakness, and they’ll be on you like sharks. They’ve gotta be tough to survive life as an outlaw - but you’ve gotta be toughest of the lot, to survive them.

You certainly can’t be seen to care for the Terran.

But you do, anyway.

When he finally betrays you (steals from you, deserts you) he knows damn well you’ll come for him with everything you’ve got. You demand that the bounty be alive, not dead, telling yourself it’s so you can kill him yourself. You race to save him when he’s dying, telling yourself the same. You punch him in front of your crew, but grin when he makes you an offer to make all your money back, with interest.

Fool kid ropes you into saving the entire galaxy. Little thanks you get for it. He robs you again and makes his own way, with his own crew - and as you open the orb and realize the little shit outsmarted you one last time, you can’t help but grin, because you know this ain’t goodbye.

Goodbye comes later, on a monster of a planet you’ve flown to far too many times before.

By now, you’ve lost everything. Your crew. Your rep. Your weapon.

All that’s left is him.

And as you fly him up through the atmosphere -

As you slap the spacesuit onto his chest instead of your own -

As freezing tears bud at the corner of your eyes because you know you’re exiled from the afterlife of your kind, and as he screams ‘no’ in your ear when he realizes what you’ve done -

All you can do is cup his face as you die, and stare into the eyes of your son.

[themultifandomgal]

Finn Cole- Red Carpet Interview

Finn and I exist our car together ready for our season 5 premiere and interviews. I smooth out my dress before taking Finns arm and we make our way down the carpet taking photos and doing interview

"Hi, how are you both this evening?" One of our interviewers asks

"We're good thank you, excited for tonight" I smile replying

"Watching the show it's about the Shelby family, but I get the impression you guys are actually a family off screen. You both seem to be with Harry a lot when your not filming"

"Yeah we're definitely a family, and I think we're lucky that we can say that" Finn says with a hand now around my waist

"Harry and I are the closest in age he's only like a year older than me so we have really grown up together from season 1. I always say that Harry is my annoying twin, Cillian is the dad, Paul the cool uncle, Sophie is my big sister and Jos like a brother to me"

"A real family then. I guess that makes filming so fun and easy for you guys?"

"Definitely. I can't imagine working on a set we're you haven't got these friendships" Finn replies

"I have to say in the last season we saw YCN toughen up a bit, will that continue throughout the next season?"

"For sure. We are going to see a lot of different things that YCN will struggle with which makes her really angry I guess and at times she will loose her cool"

We're then moved on to our next interview

"Hi how are you doing?" we're asked again

"We're well thank you"

"It's so lovely to see everyone coming out and dressing up. I've seen some people in period clothing"

"Oh wow I love that"

"That's brilliant. That's what we've, we've created a show we're people can get involved and can dress up and can enjoy it for the same reasons we can enjoy it and it's a really special thing in tv..." I see Natasha walk over to us smiling

"Oh hello" I smile interrupting Finn

"Hello" she smiles back

"Sorry babe carry on, I get distracted so easily" I tell the interviewer who laughs

"We we're just saying how nice it is to see everyone dressed up"

"Oh I love it, and the vibe, I wash just told that this is where they would stand to sign up for the war. And since the show focuses so heavily on PTSD it's really quite emotional" Nat says

"As actors what is it about Stevens writing that jumps out of that script when you first see it"

"Oh I only read my parts" I joke but don't last long because I start laughing "No I'm kidding. Erm for me it's how I'm kept at the edge of my seat. Like I can't ever predict what's going to happen"

"You can hear the music coming of the pages"

"It's one of those experiences reading something where it's so visual but every sentence is so exciting" I nods agreeing with Finn

"YN in season 4 we finally got to see YCN fall in love. Will that transpire into this season?"

"Yes. Unfortunately Jordan had brier engagements so wasn't able to film with us anymore so Daryl was casted and he's just slotted right in with all of us"

"What about Micheal. Will we get to see him fall in love this season?"

"Ah that you'll have to wait and see" Finn says making me chuckle because his answer basically was yes.

Move move on to another interview this time just Finn and I. This time it's an interviewer who has interviewed me since season 1

"It's good to see you both again"

"It's good to see you as well. How have you been?" I ask

"I really good thank you. You know I look back at my old interviews with you all and everyone looks practically the same, but then there's you and Harry who now look like actually adults" I laugh at her making the comment

"I know it's crazy. We filmed the pilot when I was 12 and now I'm 20 so it's crazy that nearly 10 years I've been with these guys"

"Well what is the dynamic like on set of a program of a drama like peaky blinders because it's very intense"

"Oh it's horrible" Finn jokes earning a nudge off me

"You know what's weird we would be doing a really intense scene but the moment we hear cut, we all burst out laughing" I say smiling "in season 4 I had to throw a drink at Lizzie but I only really had one chance so we did it over and over again with an empty cup. Then when we were ready we did it for real and I felt to bad. So as soon as we stopped filming I hugged her and kept apologising while Nat was just laughing the whole time"

Finn and I finish up with more interviews and some photos, watching the first episode of season 5 and then finally going to a little after party with all of the cast.

[kinkandkreep]

Hello at your opinion what would be he is type of woman of Connor ? :)

My first Connor request! Thanks for sending this in hun. 😁 Feel free to send in more Connor requests y'all, my ask box is open!

Also, y'all do let me know if any of this comes off as offensive, as nothing of the sort was my intention.

Ratonhnhaké:ton’s Type: 

So, what is Connor’s type?

Well, I can tell you right off the bat that Connor, while possessing standards, isn’t exactly what you’d call picky

Now, that is not at all to say that he’ll just take anybody

I mean come on, he’s way too hot and amazing to be desperate in that sense 🙃

I just mean to say that he looks more at the inward than outward appearance 

Because he’s well aware, looks can be and often times are deceiving 

Now that that’s established, let’s move on to what he typically looks for in a potential wife 

External Traits/Characteristics:

Connor does have his preferences, and while not all are deal breakers exactly, there are some things he would really prefer his girlfriend/wife to have 

He would like someone who is more independent, but not to the point where she becomes the second man of the house

Independence for him is important because, while he does plan on settling down at some point (and preferably sooner rather than later), his work for now requires that he be absent from the house for prolonged periods, and he would very much appreciate the peace of mind associated with knowing that his lady can fend for herself while he’s gone

On the flip side, a must have on his proverbial list is a woman who has good self-care habits

(In colonial times, Europeans had pretty poor hygiene, whereas Native Americans conversely took extra care of themselves. Connor is no exception.)

I always make mention of how much Connor cares about his hygiene, and he holds whoever he’s with to a similar standard 

To sum up, for Connor you don’t have to be vain, but you just can’t be slubborn

He also would appreciate someone who knows how to or is willing to learn how to manage a household, and isn’t so dainty that she can’t do anything beyond look cute

(Connor comes from a matriarchal society, where women primarily ran the show and still maintained their role as homemakers)

I said before that Connor will always be gentle with you, and he will, but he would just like it if you had only slightly toughened skin

Like, don’t be so hard that you’re impenetrable, but just enough that you won’t absolutely shatter at the first signs of trouble in the relationship

(Idk how many of y’all know anything about k-pop, but Connor is looking for someone who’s, in essence, Antifragile 😂) 

Connor would very much appreciate a woman who knows how to speak for herself 

Like, he’s more than willing and able to speak up for you if need be

I mean don’t get it twisted, he is by no means a punk 

But he would think it so hot if you were able to stand up for yourself when the occasion called for it

Another non-negotiable concerns the topic of children

Connor wants children, such that he truly couldn’t see himself maintaining a lasting relationship with a woman who didn’t

The difference in desires would be too much for Connor 

He wouldn’t want to come off as bothersome about the subject and potentially string you along, and he also wouldn’t want to waste his own time

And I’m debating whether or not to put this next one in the needs or wants but either way, Connor would very much like a woman who can appreciate silence

A woman who wouldn’t mind the two of you just quietly spending time together outside or curled up in front of the fireplace 

Speaking of outside…

Connor really thinks he’s gonna need someone who likes the outdoors to compliment him, but I personally don’t think that’s an absolute need, just a want 

If you don’t like hunting and being outdoors for extended periods, he’s fine with that, he knows that’s not everyone’s, especially not every or even most women’s, taste 

As far as looks are concerned, again, Connor's not picky, but I do think he'd have a preference for bigger girls with larger busts and thighs

He also thinks freckles and chubby cheeks are cute, and brown and green eyes are his favorite

Internal Traits/Characteristics:

Because of his upbringing, and how most of his life has played out (🙃), Connor positively needs someone who is naturally nurturing 

And I’m saying this more so than him because he really, truly needs a nurturer

You don’t have to baby him; as a matter of fact, he would really dislike it if you did, but doing little things to show you care and love him will always make his day a thousand times better than however it was before you did or said that thing that showed you care 

Connor really wants someone who has a sense of humor

Like he sorta has one, but though he doesn’t do it often, Connor likes to laugh 

Having someone by his side that could make him laugh would be amazing, and would help Connor to relax and bring him joy after spending long days being an assassin

Another need is someone who is kind

It should be obvious why this is a necessity, but Connor himself is very kind and he really, really wants someone who can reciprocate that 

He needs kindness, the other inhabitants of the Homestead need kindness, shiii the whole world needs kindness

Connor refuses to be with a mean, grouchy person

That just is incongruent with his new life’s vibe (my Hobi stans will understand that reference 😉)

I think that overall, Connor just needs like, a good person who understands there’s sometimes a need for silence and can respect that, while also being able to stand her own ground. 🙃

Did that all make him sound picky? 😬 I really hope not, I just thought of basic things I imagined Connor would like in a wife and kinda ran with that. 😂 Hopefully you enjoyed! 😁

[whitexdove]

ough. i have thoughts on my rufus. i don't typically go into my thoughts on him/explore his character, typically just writing silly things or more lighthearted plotlines, but like... i really have thoughts.

it's pretty long. so yeet. a lot of speculation/kind of rambly, this is a post of me getting ideas in one spot. i'll probably expand on things later! but yeah.

potentially triggering content -- talk of abuse, neglect

like... yeah. his father wasn't around like he should have been, even had rufus in a separate house + had others raising rufus FOR HIM after rufus' mom left, but the fact that he (and im sure others) groomed rufus into taking over as president from an early age. while even if there was that chance that it could've gone to lazard instead, that's all rufus was ever going to be. even if he got to work other jobs before that, he never had a choice in what he got to do. with some of his experiences in shinra, he's very aware of how bad the place is. there's a resigned acceptance as he takes over, it's his responsibility. if he doesn't. someone worse will. he has to scramble to fix his father's mistakes.

the abuse and neglect. his father was not a stellar father, and maybe it's because reginald wasn't exactly shown how to be a good dad, but it doesn't matter. he was a bad father to rufus, he hurt his kid. it's physical and mental abuse -- leaving rufus with injuries he often had to hide. he got very good at relocating dislocated body parts. as well, ignoring and dismissing rufus' feelings. telling rufus to toughen up, not even trying to validate rufus' feelings and generally pushing rufus into the idea that maybe it was just rufus' fault. more things here, obvious signs of neglect and abuse, but it deeply affected rufus. he has severe trust issues, can't form or maintain new relationships, and so on. there's a long list. it's bad.

hypervigilance -- a result of trauma. constantly on edge, assessing threats around him. major trust issues, and mild people pleasing habits (these died very fast, but are pretty bad with the people he's close to). struggling with his own needs and suppressing parts of himself to avoid conflict.

his avoidant behavior may also be a result of his hypervigilance but im putting it separately because i DO want to look into this and explore options because i have mixed feelings. it might not be avoidant behavior. but the note is here for me.

the lack of autonomy -- procedures he didn't consent to. experiments in the lab. choices being made for rufus even though he is perfectly capable of making choices for himself. he's very protective of himself as an adult.

[raincitygirl76]

We need to talk about the Bambi situation. Specifically, Wilhelm shooting Bambi. It was raised recently in a different post that Wilhelm has no apparent hobbies, hence fic writers latching onto the frog stuff. But I suspect there are hobbies.

We see from the shooting range scenes that Wilhelm knows how to handle a gun. He’s not especially brillant at clay pigeon shooting, but he’s clearly not a beginner, either. And in 2.06, he threatens August with the shotgun, but keeps his finger BEHIND the trigger at all times. The only time his finger is on the trigger is when he fires into the air.

I suspect the Swedish upper classes like to hunt, shoot, and fish just like the British upper classes. And someone, maybe Erik, Ludvig, or a gamekeeper, drilled into Wilhelm as a child how to handle a gun without accidentally shooting anyone with it.

As far as I know (although I don’t know much about it), fox hunting is an exclusively British pastime. Or was, since I think it’s banned now. But all other types of “country sports” seem to be mostly Europe wide. There’s lots of forest in Sweden: I suspect salmon fishing, game bird shooting, and deer stalking are probably big things for people who can afford it. I don’t mind about the salmon or the game birds, but I cringe at the thought of poor Bambi. I suspect Wilhelm was not brought up to cringe at poor Bambi, though.

A quick google search confirmed that yes, the real life Swedish royal family shoot deer.

And there are lots of other animals you can legally hunt in Sweden. Including moose, which are enormous.

Pulling back to the macro-European level, in 2012 there was a huge fuss when King Juan Carlos of Spain (since abdicated in favour of his son, partly because of this scandal) broke his hip while secretly on an elephant hunting safari in Botswana. Not a photo safari, a safari where the elephants die. Massive ructions, since nobody knew where he was, and it looked really bad when Spain’s economy was still reeling from the worldwide financial collapse of 2008.

It had already been known than Juan Carlos liked to fish, hunt, and shoot. And ordinary Spaniards were generally OK with that. They were significantly less OK with their king shooting an adorable endangered species while on a lavish top-secret trip to another continent.

Because evidently the Spanish royal family or their courtiers realized the king couldn’t be perceived as massacring elephants for fun. But rather than saying, “No, your majesty, it’s bad PR to go to Botswana and shoot Babar,” they apparently said instead, “Your maiesty, please don’t get CAUGHT shooting Babar.”

But when he broke his hip and had to be airlifted out, the secret stopped being a secret and became a scandal. Shades of Kristina of Sweden there. “Do whatever stupid shit you want, just don’t ever get caught by anyone who hasn’t already signed an NDA.”

I sincerely hope Wilhelm wouldn’t want to shoot Babar. I’m already cringing at the idea of him shooting Bambi. It’s only the longstanding connection of the upper classes with blood sports that forces me to realize it’s a distinct possibility.

I don’t much like the large land mammal idea myself. I have much less emotional attachment to pheasants and geese, so will make it my personal headcanon that Wilhelm is accustomed to shooting clay pigeons and game birds. But his nanny let him watch Bambi at a formative age.

Whenever Wilhelm was subsequently taken deer-stalking as a slightly older child, he devolved into hysterics at the idea of ANYBODY shooting the poor deer. And eventually his family gave up trying to toughen him up on the subject. Especially because him making a ruckus kept scaring off the damn deer and ruining their sport. That’s my headcanon, and I’m sticking to it. It’s probably false, but I’m happy with it.

I don’t have a problem with hunting provided it’s not an endangered species, the rules are followed, and it’s not just trophy-hunting. If the meat gets eaten, then it’s useful. If don’t want to hunt myself, but I’m not against it.

But I watched Bambi at a formative age, and the thought of a character I love getting Bambi in his sights, pulling the trigger, and killing Bambi makes me freak out. Even though I realize my headcanon about Wilhelm being too squeamish to shoot Bambi is most likely bullshit, and he probably has killed deer.

Edited to add:

@sflow-er confirms in replies that hunting is a very big thing in the Nordics. Although it’s not just an upper class thing, plenty of working class people hunt too. They just probably don’t hire an expert tracker (like the one in the People article who gets paid to help the real Swedish royal family hunt deer). Note also that in Marcus’s Instagram feed, it shows he hunts.

Consistent with Canada. Plenty of working class Canadians hunt. Mostly (but not all) people who either live in rural areas now or grew up in rural areas. But Canada also has the very expensive guided hunting expeditions available for people with more money than sense. Which sounds like the guy in the first article linked above, who has been leading the real Swedish royal family on guided hunts for 30 years.

[ina-nis]

“So your mind wants forever.”

I just want someone to stay, I just want to feel loved and actually wanted, I want to be someone’s first choice and not a backup plan or second option.

Yeah, “forever” is not realistic or healthy but it feels safe.

Nothing is forever, but there’s ways to assure things will continue, there’s commitments and compromises, there’s stuff to be done to keep things working, there’s maintenance and communication too. That’s a good sign that things can go on long-term, that’s what I want.

Telling me to suck it up and understand that the current model of relationships (of any kind) is the only way to be, or the only viable way, or the only way that’s not completely unhealthy, will not change my mind because it looks like a very unhealthy way in my eyes. I don’t want it.

Telling me to toughen up and accept rejection as a part of healthy relationships won’t either. I don’t want relationships based on exclusion, I don’t want to keep going back and forth doing things that are not good for me. I don’t want many beginnings and endings. I want something that feels familiar and that can build a good, solid foundation.

Rejection sucks, it’s not something that’s going to empower me or stop hurting me just because I understand it and know it’s part of life. It harms me and there’s no point in pretending it doesn’t.

If the whole problem is that I need to change my cognition and behaviour, then I’m screwed because I can absolutely rationalize and see things through a nuanced lens: that changes nothing.

It’s like telling me to learn how to take punches when what I need it to not be punched anymore. I don’t want to learn things I already know. I don’t do them because they do not work.

If I’m here telling people to stop punching me, and that means I’m being “too strict” or that my “standards are too high” or that I need to look and sound more friendly and vulnerable, if I need to lower all my defenses and do all the stuff that I started avoiding in the first place to have a chance at what I want, then I don’t want it.

This is not good and I’m sick of bad things. I’m sick of thinking this is my fault and blaming myself.

I dumb down, I look friendly and non-threatening, I water my whole identity and personality down to be palatable to others and that’s not enough. Or only enough for me to look exploitable or easy to manipulate. I show my truth, how I look after years of trauma and that’s too “horrible” for others to deal with, I’m too bitter and too broken. I’m old and have nothing to offer but more pain - and I “should go to therapy” because of course therapy is going to “cure” me.

My reality is uncomfortable and makes others uncomfortable, but I should hide it for their comfort. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I don’t go out of my way to wallow in self-pity - I don’t really do that at all actually - I’m just sick of trying to change and twist myself to try to fit somewhere and it’s never enough: I’m too little, I’m too much, I’m faking, or I’m sick, but stuff requires nuance, and oh boy do I try to be nuanced?

No matter what I do, it’s not enough. And if I don’t do anything, it’s not enough either. It’s like I can’t win because the game is rigged from the start!

It really is rigged. That’s the whole point.

I’m done with hiding. I think my standards are good enough, if other people cannot meet them, it’s their problem. It’s the kind of stuff that, to me, feels like the bare minimum because I am the kind of person who have put years and years of work at bettering myself. I’ve honed my everything to achieve what I want. Most people don’t do that and it’s on them. Why do I have to step down on their level? Why can’t they get on my level then? It goes both ways. If I’m expected to do the work, so should the other, I’ll definitely expect that. It’s only fair.

I need therapy? Oh, this version of me is a product of therapy! It’s a result of a process of healing and “fixing” my issues that’s been ongoing for very long. To me, this is what “I know better now” look like.

You know what empowers me? Following my heart, following my desire, striving to heal even more every day, doing it all for myself - as ironic as it sounds, because it is something that I am doing for myself. I have no one but myself and that’s not a bad thing.

If anything, strengthening a connection with myself and with what I want, knowing where I want to go and what I want to do will drive people to me. And weed out most people, too.

I am a social person and I thrive around people, too, even when solitude and introspection is my main refuge, I will never close my heart completely and I’ll never lose my longing.

My longing is one of my sources of hope, and one of the keys to establish connections. If not now, maybe one day, perhaps never, but I’ll never be able to tell for sure, and that shouldn’t stop me from moving forward.

[blowflyfag]

Wrestler ANNUAL: Winter 1983

A young blond wrestler trotted down the aisle, hurrying from nerves and awkwardness. This was his first pro match and he fumbled keeping the perspiration from dripping into his clear, alert eyes. As he neared the ring, a chant exploded from the crowd. “Tommy, Tommy,” fans shouted. Already, you Rich was a crowd favorite. He beamed and waved to the fans. After the match, Rich patiently signed autographs. Over the months, he always answered his phone, always stood outside the dressing room entrance talking to the fans, no matter the hour or weather. He loved his fans. And his fans loved him. 

HIS FANS’ FEAR: SUCCESS WILL SPOIL TOMMY RICH

With each success comes a price. Few greats maintain their sense of perspective and continue to view their accomplishments as simple specks upon the world plane. Big heads and overblown egos are common and somewhat understandable. Has the same happened to Tommy Rich?

PHOTOS BY BILL APTER

AT HEART, TOMMY RICH is kind, decent and relatively unassuming. But success demands a certain price, often reflected in the altering of a personality. Rich isn’t immune to such changes. He has been substantially changed by his success and the adoration. The question becomes has it permanently spoiled him?

“I was outside the arena last Friday night.” recalled Art Detore, of Macon, Georgia. “And I was waitin’ for Tommy to come up, heck, I remember Tommy’s first match ever. I remember how I waited and got his autograph ‘cause I knew it’d be worth a lot someday.

“So there’s a bunch of us waitin’ out there, dunno, maybe 20 or so, somethin’ like that, jus’ hard to tell sometimes. Gettin’ off the subject, huh? So Rich comes out an everyone starts hootin’ and hollerin’ and wavin’ their pencils know, that kinda shy smile he got, and signs a couple and says he’s gotta go. Wasn’t nasty, mind you, not in the least. But he wouldn’t sign autographs. Gotta wonder why.”

[Tommy Rich stomps the head of Harley Race as the NWA champion lay across the ring apron (above lest). Race grabs a handful of Tommy’s hair and slams his head back to the canvas (above right).]

Another fan recollects a similar incident. 

“I got Tommy’s pictures all up my room, gosh, my momma wants to tear my rear if I don’t keep some order. Keep a scrapbook, too,” said Tammy Winters, Atlanta. “And I’d do anythin’ for Tommy. Every time I go to the matches, I get his autograph. Must have ‘bout 60 of ‘em.

“But last time, Tommy only signed one or two before leavin’ Made me mighty hurt, you know what I mean? Mighty hurt.”

Actions beyond the squared circle do not fully convey the extent of Rich's change. A new ferocity, perhaps unleashed by the broken leg inflicted by Harley Race, alarms some of Tommy’s friends. 

“Tommy’s toughened up a lot since he first broke in,” said a fellow scientific wrestler who requested anonymity. “I don’t say that’s bad. You gotta develop a hide, both in and out, to survive in this sport. 

“But I worry Tommy doesn’t know how to check his rage, that it’s gonna ruin his game. You gotta channel your anger and not let it control you. I don’t think Tommy understands that yet. He hates Harley Race so much he can’t handle it. I’ve been watching Rich and he isn’t as solidly in control of his strategies like he once was. In one way, he’s better because he’s more aggressive, but on the other hand, he risks blowing his cool by not harnessing all those hostile and violent emotions.

[Race takes aim and drives his knee into Rich’s chest (above). Race has Rich tied in a small package, but Tommy is able to get part of his foot through the ropes (top right).]

Rich appears both angry and confused by reaction to his recent matches.

“Heck, what do people want from me? I’ve never refused a fan or been nasty. Darn, I owe everything to my fans, everything. They come before anything in my life. I’d never turn my back on my fans. Never.

“But I’ve been so busy lately. My matches take me all over the area and sometimes I have to rush from the arena to catch a plane. It isn’t that I don’t want to sign autographs and talk, it’s just I don’t have time.

‘As for my aggressiveness, heck, I want Race to pay for what he did, and I’m determined to blast his face across the state. I know what I’m doing. I’m able to handle my hate. But Race won’t. He’ll lie in a million little pieces.”

Perhaps Rich doesn’t realize the fundamental changes. Perhaps he can never return to the innocence of a rookie. No one can ask that of him.