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shihalyfie · 4 years ago

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Shiramine Nokia, and her role in Cyber Sleuth’s narrative

This one’s on request! Cyber Sleuth is quite the interesting game and a rather landmark entry in the franchise, mainly for being a love letter to the franchise and its long history itself, and for being the franchise’s very first work exclusively aimed at adults, meaning that it can explore different topics that wouldn’t normally be Sunday morning timeslot material, while also being a little more willing to assume that the people playing this are familiar with a lot of older parts of the franchise (not that it’s advisable to have complete lockout, but the game benefits greatly by not needing to assume lockout by default).

One of the ways Cyber Sleuth exhibits its “franchise love letter” status is by starting off the game all the way back at the franchise’s roots, before Digimon Adventure changed the game and everyone’s perception of Digimon and Digimon partnership, when the V-Pet lore was intertwined with Digimon as elements of hard sci-fi. As the game proceeds, the atmosphere slowly starts to resemble the more fantasy-like version of the franchise established by Digimon Adventure and its follower entries -- and that change is represented in none other than Nokia herself.

Before we begin: As anyone who follows my meta work has probably noticed, I generally prefer to have my analyses use tons of references and screenshots so that it’s easy to follow and the evidence is concrete, but Cyber Sleuth is a game, and it’s much harder to get those things without replaying the entire game, so I hope this won’t be too hard to follow despite being mostly text.

Nokia’s background and personality

If we want to apply the producer’s statements on Twitter, Nokia is 17 years old at the time of Cyber Sleuth, and has a backstory of having originally been a shy, bullied child who broke out of her shell thanks to the influence of her cousin (who, of all people, happens to be none other than Date Makiko). The flashback we get with Nokia in chapter 18, however, portrays her as just a fairly cheerful, go-getter child, but (although we only get to see her hair) she’s not quite as “flashy” or in-your-face as the description entails.

A possible hypothesis for rationalizing this all together comes from a what we learn about the process of memory wiping in Cyber Sleuth chapter 14: even if memories are extracted from the person, there’s some kind of residual memory left behind (the producer’s above statement also states that the same thing had even happened to Suedou). In Hacker’s Memory chapter 16, Arata confesses to Ryuji that the first Under Zero incident and Jude's loss to the Knightmon had re-triggered his trauma from having lost Yuugo years prior -- “not the memory, but the feeling.” So in other words, there was some feeling of loss that came after the loss of Yuugo that impacted those involved -- and it’s very possible that this deeply impacted and traumatized Nokia as well.

Assuming we’re still following this line of thought (since, again, this background point wasn’t actually in the game proper), Nokia eventually decided to break out of her shell thanks to Makiko’s influence, and become eccentric and assertive, and thus, the game begins.

While we’re here, I also want to point out that Nokia is also voiced by Han Megumi, possibly the Digimon franchise’s most notorious ��promoted fangirl” who freaked out after getting to meet her childhood characters’ voice actors while cast as Airu in the Xros Wars crossover and ended up casted in a handful of major Digimon roles thereafter as a result. Which is not to say that her voice performance wasn’t also absolutely perfect for the bright and aggressive Nokia, but, you know...considering the below analysis, food for thought.

Nokia as a representative of “the conventional franchise”

Cyber Sleuth opens on a world where Digimon are largely seen as hacker programs, and even the hackers themselves only see them as non-sentient programs; there are ones like Chitose who treat them with empathy, but his attitude seems to be kindness towards them in a way not entirely unlike a family would treat a Roomba. Although he doesn’t admit to it at first, Arata himself also comes from this “world” of hackers, and we later learn that Yuuko herself is as well (via her “Yuugo” persona), meaning that, other than the playable protagonist, Nokia is the only “outside-context” person -- a completely ordinary civilian who’s gotten dragged into all of this.

Much like, say, the protagonists of Digimon Adventure.

With this background behind her, once she’s thrown into the world of hackers, she immediately has a “fateful encounter” with Agumon and Gabumon, instantly recognizable as two of the franchise’s most prominent Digimon (and complete with their Adventure voice actors, too). And I do especially bring up Adventure specifically, because while Nokia’s position in the game does end up taking in certain elements that roughly came around that era and possibly slightly predated it (mostly Digimon World and V-Tamer), Agumon and Gabumon weren’t particular mascots of the franchise until Adventure basically blew everything to pieces.

Right off the bat, Nokia does not have a single shred of doubt that Agumon and Gabumon are living beings and should be treated as such (again, much like the protagonists of Digimon Adventure; even Taichi in his “is this a game?” mode never doubted this). And they open up their meeting with this conversation:

Agumon: Umm, who are you? Nokia: It... It can talk?! It's so... so... so adoooooorable! M-M-M-M-My name's Nokia. What're your names? Agumon: Me? My name is Agumon! Gabumon: I... I'm Gabumon. Nokia: Agumon and Gabumon? Hee hee! What weird names! Gabumon: Hey, they're not weird! Agumon: You're the one with the weird name! Nokia: As if! My name's not weird! Hee hee!

And on top of that, Agumon refers to Nokia as having a “familiar” scent. Remember this for later.

Nokia’s second encounter with Agumon and Gabumon in Cyber Sleuth chapter 3 involves her properly partnering herself with Agumon and Gabumon, and learning about the existence of the “Digital World”. Note that, for all intents and purposes, EDEN had been treated like the functional equivalent of the Digital World in this narrative up until this point -- cyberspace with hackers, coming from the network, it’s basically a “digital world” from top to bottom, and yet here Agumon and Gabumon are introducing the concept of a more fantasy-esque incarnation of a digital world. (And, in fact, despite EDEN being right there, many long-time Digimon fans playing this game often complained about how little you get to see the “Digital World” in this game, because of how associated that term is with something more fantasy-like.) So, again: here we have Nokia, who’s forming a partnership with Agumon and Gabumon as equals instead of recruiting them as hacker tools (even the protagonist wasn’t immune to this method), and being indirectly responsible for introducing the more fantasy-like concept of the Digital World that the modern franchise is currently associated with.

Nokia embarks on the conventional shounen anime character arc of starting off cowardly, but eventually learning to have her own inner strength, with her Digimon evolving in accordance to her emotions. And, eventually, in Cyber Sleuth chapter 8, she decides to form her own hacker team, called the “Rebels”. She ostensibly bases it off the old creed of Jude, having heard that they were a team that never caused trouble for others, but we later learn via Arata turning out to have been its former leader, and the even later portrayal in Hacker’s Memory of its spiritual successor Hudie, that this is an extremely rose-colored image of them -- Jude (and Hudie) was not a well-intentioned team by any means, but rather a sort of mercenary group meant to enforce the “freedom” of EDEN, often taking on shady jobs and “punishing” entities they considered to be causing chaos. But in this case, Nokia forms her team under the idea of legitimately fighting for justice and good will -- again, much like a Digimon Adventure protagonist.

In case the metaphor weren’t clear enough, Nokia decides that the members of her group will not be called “hackers”, but “Tamers” -- the same lingo used by the franchise to refer to a human who partners alongside a Digimon to help them get stronger -- and that she wants to promote the idea of humans and Digimon working in tandem (complete with emotional bonding exercises). For this, everyone looks at her weird, and yet her methodology, initially naive as it seems, keeps working, because Nokia’s natural charisma starts bringing people from different places together and making quite the formidable team. Everyone is perplexed by this, but perhaps it’s only natural, because Nokia has just independently invented the modern concept of Digimon partnership in a world where it did not exist. And this is eventually solidified by the Under Zero invasion in Cyber Sleuth chapter 10, in which Omegamon is finally formed (from sheer guts on her part).

Omegamon is yet another symbol of the modern franchise, but it’s important to remember that he hasn’t always been so; even his appearance in V-Tamer was as more of a tactical piece than any kind of game-breaker, but the impact of Our War Game! has led him to constantly make a resurgence in major franchise roles (maybe a little too much these days). However, on top of Nokia basically embodying the modern franchise itself by doing this, Nokia and Arata’s positions are an obvious reference to Our War Game! in particular, being Omegamon and Diablomon Tamers -- but they’re not seen directly fighting each other. In fact, Arata’s partner only ever reaches Diablomon when he’s at the highest point of his morality, so the reference is more ideological; Nokia represents the more idealistic and heroic side of Digimon, whereas Arata represents the more dirty-playing and cynical hard sci-fi side of it (remember that Diablomon himself was rather detached from the fantasy conflict of Adventure, being a mysterious entity that sprouted out of nowhere on the Internet and wreaked havoc). Moreover, Nokia’s usage of Omegamon embodies a theme that’s central to both Our War Game! and Cyber Sleuth itself as a whole -- while most people associate Omegamon with Taichi and Yamato these days, the original method of formation back in Our War Game! came from “bringing people from different places together”. Nokia managed to bring together a formidable army in a place where everyone else in the hacker world was trying to promote a dog-eat-dog philosophy, and the sense of cooperation is arguably making her stronger than anyone else.

(I should also point out that Nokia’s name is, obviously, a reference to the Finnish telephone communications company, and this has a lot of relevance to the game’s theme of connection, along with her phone Digivice...and, also, the method used to bring everyone’s powers together in Our War Game!’s spiritual successor, Diablomon Strikes Back. Feels a bit too on-the-nose here.)

In the second half of the game, when the world starts falling apart due to the Digital World portal opening, Nokia becomes one of most important people holding everything together as Arata goes off the deep end and Yuuko starts fixating on her own personal problems and revenge -- because she’s the one most in tune with treating Digimon as the living beings they are, she’s most active in advocating for them and helping them bond with humans, and and she’s the one making the chaos be a little less chaotic. The second half is basically the more fantasy-esque version of Digimon leaking into the sci-fi, with the sidequests progressively resembling your average Digimon anime monster-of-the-week episode, and holding that all together is Nokia, who becomes a vital figure in maintaining that fellowship by being in tune with the modern franchise’s philosophy.

Through all of this, Nokia ends up taking a role rather similar to a Digimon protagonist, which is highlighted very strongly in Cyber Sleuth chapter 18 when she ends up literally becoming the player character while the main protagonist is out of commission. During that time, Yuuko and Nokia learn the truth of what happened during the EDEN incident eight years prior -- and we also learn that the five children involved had an extremely conventional “first meeting in the Digital World” experience that could have been pulled right out of the first episode of a Digimon anime, with them having a lovely adventure meeting new creatures. And at the center of that “first contact” was none other than Nokia, Agumon, and Gabumon themselves:

Agumon: Um... who are you? Nokia: Ahem! I am Nokia! And just who are you? Agumon: Me? My name is Agumon! Gabumon: I... I'm Gabumon. Nokia: Agumon and Gabumon? Hee hee! What weird names! Gabumon: Hey, they're not weird! Agumon: You're the one with the weird name! Nokia: As if! My name's not weird! Hee hee!

Nokia, Agumon, and Gabumon’s meeting at the beginning of the game had been an (accidental) reenactment of their first meeting in the Digital World eight years prior -- and, in the flashback, Nokia invites them to go on an “adventure” with them. So in other words, Nokia getting involved in the hacker conflict at the beginning of the game was, unknown to all of them, her attempting to restore that beauty and idealism of the Digimon Adventure-esque philosophy and fun in a world where the Eaters had torn it away and EDEN had turned into a haven of cynicism and hacker battle royale.

In the end, the game’s conflict is only resolved by bringing everyone together; Arata has to be retrieved from the deep end, and Yuuko has to settle her deep-seated personal grievances. Everyone makes a promise to return together, in the sense of making things right and repairing the connections between them that had been cut in that incident. The final battle (momentarily) causes the playable protagonist to literally fall apart, and the one reaching out to them and sending her message to them at the end of the game is none other than Nokia herself -- again, in the absence of the game’s protagonist, Nokia is the one with the closest role, because in the face of the new world going forward, she was the one who contributed most to restoring its idealism.

Ultimately, all of this is especially because Cyber Sleuth works under one of the most terrifying imaginable premises for a fan of a kids’ franchise: “we made an entry for this, but for adults.” Many of us can testify that this kind of premise can go very well, or very badly -- the latter especially in the case of things that decide “taking the opportunity to do things that you can’t do on a Sunday morning kids’ timeslot” means “going out of your way to put edgy violence and sexy things and cynicism just because you can”, or, in other words, looking down condescendingly on its kids’ franchise roots with malice and deciding that something for adults means “more suffering” and not “issues that require more life experience to understand”. The reason the game ended up getting as much acclaim among longtime Digimon fans as it did was that despite being the franchise’s first venture into this territory, it did end up setting itself up as something that took that opportunity to do something new and unique that would have never made it into any of the prior entries (holy hell the doll quest) and yet never gave up on the idealism and themes of connection that make up the franchise at its core, and paid respect to everything that had contributed to all of that while it was at it.

And at the center of that is Shiramine Nokia, who is effectively the spirit of Digimon Adventure, condensed into a single character.

#digimon #digimon story cyber sleuth #shiramine nokia #nokia shiramine #shihameta

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sparklinpixiedust · 4 years ago

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Basic Training

This post has been sitting in my drafts for months now, during which I've come up with a few ways I wanted to write this post. This is what I've come up with.

Basic Training is the episode which made me hate Ben the most. The whole episode consisted him of being a stuck up brat only to be rewarded for it in the end.

This episode was the perfect opportunity to have Kevin in the spotlight and show how skilled and smart he is.

Gwen's presence in this episode was actually fine, there's no change needed for that.

Look, I know the shows named Ben 10 but we have seen Ben be the hero tons of times already.

And Ben being egoistic about his heroism is not something new in the franchise.

There have been episodes on the OS where Ben got a big head, yet I dont ever see anyone complaining about that.

Was is it because he was 10 that we excuse this behaviour? Nope.

15 - 16 is still pretty young and his attitude can be excused at this age as well.

My opinion? It was handled better in the OS.

There were times when Ben wasn't always the main focus.

In Lucky Girl, Ben has his ' who's your hero?' Moment.

They showed Gwen feeling jealous and hurt by the fact she wasn't noticed much.

It was realistic.

Then the epsiode proceeded to focus on Gwen , having Ben being kind of like a sub plot to the story.

Towards the end Ben compliments her.

So yeah Ben got big head, but at the same time they shifted focus so that the audience wouldn't find it annoying.

Gwen was in the spotlight for a bit, giving people a break from Ben.

Secondly , in Be Afraid Of The Dark, Ben again is shown to be slightly stuck up, but towards the end of that episode he learns and acknowledges Gwen and Grandpa for help and understands his crime fighting is more of a team effort.

In Galactic Enforcers, we are shown there are other heros besides Ben as well.

Ben wasn't the sole focus of that episode. Yes it was about him but also about the Galactic Enforcers.

I don't think he was shown to be over confident here , but it was nice to see some other heros in the scene.

The Ben 10,000 episode focuses on how Ben was too focused on his job and the lesson at that was Ben needed to relax and have them Galactic Enforcers take the lead instead.

Again , his attitude towards everything was brought in focus but towards the end he learnt something.

I recently started watching Generator Rex and I can't help but compare Rex's character to Ben's.

Rex is also proud , rushes into things and considers himself to be a hotshot. But they also show him being down ,having trouble with his nanites and actually voice out his insecurities.

He's still the hero, still has things go his way most times but it's not annoying like Ben.

( I've only seen like 7 episodes so far so I don't know if this going to go down hil or not but so far so good)

The issue with the sequels after the OS was that Ben was the focus a bit too much.

We as the audience were rarely ever given a break from him.

Other than a few conversations here and there about his attitude, nothing really was done about it.

Gwen should've been appreciated more for saving Kevin and Kevin should've been appreciated for stopping Aggregor.

But they weren't.

If it had been Ben , they would've made sure to show him getting some sort of recognition or trophy.

Back to the Basic Training episode.

We know he's the legendary Ben Tennyson, we know he's a hero. We didn't need another episode on it.

Instead the plot should've focused on Kevin. His skills, his abilities.

Ben would act the same but Magsiter Hulka should've put some sort of cover so Ben couldn't use the omnitrix.

Ben goes on breaking rules, and having a hard time being a hero without the watch.

Towards the end, it should've been Kevin who cracks the case and saves Hulka. Ben is mad he can't use the omnitrix but instead uses the guns and other weapons he's learnt to use at the academy

He's not amazing at them , but it makes him realise that he is hero , watch or not, something that has been emphasised in the show. Its not impossible for him to function without the watch.

Towards the end, Ben getting a 95 was a stretch. I'm sorry , but the guy wasn't great with using weapons and without the watch I dont think he would've been able to complete that hostage excercise.

I'm thinking more like 89%.

Gwen gets 98, that's fine and Kevin gets a 100.

Hulka comes in and awards the medal (?) to Kevin, suggesting he's becoming more like his father.

( im ignoring the ret con, plus the retcon I'm assuming wasnt thought off at this point by the writers)

Ben is shown to take one of the guns back to earth, because he thinks they're cool and he wants to practice and get better at them.

The whole hostage situation makes him want to get better at making strategies.

Yes he's good at improv, but he needs to learn to properly plan as well.

It doesn't matter if he's never shown to use the gun ever again, and he's back to relying on the omnitrix.

Or maybe some time down the line, he could use the weapon, even if it for a second, to show that he is improving and getting better.

Before you say 'he's already a hero, he doesn't need to learn anything ' sorry but no.

He's 16. He may have saved the world but he still has growing up to do. Different battles are going to arise all the time.

Saying he is perfect at 16 is dumb. Saying he's perfect when he's ben 10k , it'll make some sense. He's been around for a while and is pretty experienced.

The watch is a part of him, but seeing him try to explore other options would've been a fresher idea.

Another scene that made me mad was the court (?) scene in Vreedle, Vreedle.

Ben being a hero shouldn't make him above the law.

Domstol ruling in favor of Ben just because he's the legendry Ben Tennyson was stupid.

After Ben's little monologue , and destroying Domstols desk, the judge should've just informed him that being a hero does not excuse him from following the law.

Kevin could've had his little moment doing some negotiation ( would've been nice to see how he works as con artist) and Ben could've jumped in and helped while making some good points for the argument, showing us he's not stupid.

Then having Domstol rule in their favor would've made sense.

On the way back to earth there could've been a joke about how Ben watches Judge Judy too much which is where he learnt about trials and stuff. Or maybe Gwens dad taught him a thing or two at some point.

All this doesn't mess with Ben's character all that much, he's still the hero of the show, he still has his ego but it makes him more likeable, shifts focus from his attitude, and shows us he's pretty smart and is growing into a good hero.

Ben's not a bad guy. I mean he is the hero of the show. There are tons of scenes which show he's good , like the whole sacrificing thing so the ultimates could live and all.

But little scenes here and there tend to be enough for someone , especially for someone who isn't a super hard-core Ben lover to form negative opinions on him.

Although calling him a psychopath / narc is out of line because I don't find him to be like that. His attitude was magnified by him being in the spotlight too much and writers not having a good balance in writing situations.

Ben being the main character of the show is at risk of becoming hated or less appreciated just because he's the font runner of the show.

Admit it, side characters tend to get more love most times than the main agonist of shows.

I've been watching videos on YouTube on this topic as to why this happens , and what I've come up with is that writers of shows tend to focus too much on main character. Things seem to go their way most times and this tends to get on peoples nerves, consciously or subconsciously because it's not exactly realistic.

Having shows where everything focuses on one person most times tend to backfire.

I don't mind Ben having a big head, I dont mind him making jokes and being so casual.

It's his defense mechanism to protect himself from drowning into the struggles and pressures of being a hero. But always having him be that way isn't good.

The writers should've executed it properly.

( okay this post got really long, more than I thought it would. If you're read the whole things , congratulations on making it here lol.

I'm not going to stop anyone from replying to this because everyone has different opinions and we all have the freedom to express them.

Although I believe I've made my point and I've made sure to keep in mind all the arguments about why bashing Ben is wrong when he's not a bad guy while typing this out.

I don't think I've directed any major hate towards him , its mostly towards the writers for making the situations like that,but if you think I have you can reply to it.

I'm not gonna reply back though , because again I feel I've made my point.

Any agreements / disagreements you have with the post feel free to share because it is your right.

Any disagreements you have with other members, as long as its related to the post you can share it.

Any issues you have personally with other members, please keep them to your selves.

I will not tolerate bullying , harassing, name calling and petty arguments on my post and blog page.

If this happens I will simply delete this post and re-upload it.)

#ben 10 au #ben 10 #kevin levin #ben 10 alien force #ben tennyson #ben 10 reboot #ben 10 omniverse #ben 10 analysis #ben 10 series #ben 10 critical #ben 10 classic #my take

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dianapocalypse · 4 years ago

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Alright y’all, with the release of Mass Effect: Legendary Edition, it’s time for me to share my playlist for the entire trilogy.

I’ve refined this over like six years so scientifically speaking it’s probably good right. oh also it’s four hours long. so if you have a road trip or a boring job, this one’s for you. disclaimer, it’s entirely possible I have garbage taste in music. I also missed some characters and moments because there’s 65 songs here and I am merely human.

If you don’t have the patience for four hours, I recommend starting at track 45 and listening to the end, as the Mass Effect 3 portion is the strongest in my opinion.

UNDER THE CUT FOR DESCRIPTIONS WE GO!

FIRST MOVEMENT - MASS EFFECT 1

1. Atlas - Coldplay Eden Prime

“Sometimes the wire Must tense for the note Caught in the fire, say oh We're about to explode“

I really like the atmosphere of this song. It’s ominous, but also somehow hopeful, and makes me feel like Something Huge Is Coming.

2. I Will Not Sing A Hateful Song - Constantines Paragon Shepard

“But I was also born and raised To always speak and listen clear To know the last sound that I make Could be the last sound that I hear“

OK, listen, I think this song is about vampires, and I’m not sure if it’s supposed to be a metaphor or not. But I think this is a great song about controlling one’s temper, about knowing that you have to Rise Above the parts of you that want to lash out sometimes to get things done and have peace. Seeing as how paragon Shepard, to me, always seems like they’re three deep breaths away from snapping, but manage to keep it in check, it fits them to a T.

And also maybe they’re a vampire.

3. Hard to Kill - Beth Crowley Renegade Shepard

“So I let the rumors Turn me into a legend 'Cause I'm only human But a good myth is hard to kill”

This one’s a recent addition, but holy cow, I love it for Renegade Shep, particularly an Earthborn or Ruthless, but it works for any of them.

4. We Own the Skies - Five Iron Frenzy Joker

“My hands are bleeding where they often crack The stars will sometimes burn with longing Through the choking black Of night shifts piling each against the next”

This really vibes with Joker’s backstory for me, his super driven serious self in flight school, contrasted with who he is when he can fly a ship. He’s the best pilot in the goddamn fleet and I love him.

5. I Just Wanna See - Smash Mouth Kaidan Alenko

“Mister moon checkin' on how y'all livin' The stars all winkin' at the day that's dimmin' I just wanna see”

This song fits into his reactions to first showing up at the Citadel and his former romanticism about living in space. Ironically, it’s a song about Earth, but I feel like it works well for him. Also, Smash Mouth absolutely sounds like the kind of music Kaidan would listen to, no I will not be taking questions or constructive criticism.

6. Don’t Give Up - Noisettes Ashley Williams

“She's got a talented face and a suitcase Ain't got no desire to go no place In her case she's got no desire with her hand in the flame say's she don't feel the fire “

The energy of this song is just perfect for Ashley’s no-nonsense chip on her shoulder attitude.

7. About As Helpful As You Can Be Without Being Any Help At All - Dan Mangan The Council

“I was thrown in the boat/Cast out to sea Friendly with waves/There were sharks below Hungry for me/So I dangled my leg”

I mean, the title says it all.

8. The Captain - Guster Anderson

“Courageous, just like the captain Marching forward with no doubt in his head”

I have adored this song ever since my friend played it for me, and it’s the ultimate mentor-protégé jam for me.

9. Secret Agent Man - Johnny Rivers Garrus Vakarian

“Here's a man who leads a life of danger To everyone he meets he stays a stranger Oh, with every move he makes another chance he takes The odds are he won't live to see tomorrow”

I have to poke a little fun at Garrus and how seriously he takes himself in Mass Effect 1. I romanced him across four playthrus, I’m allowed!

10. I’m Getting Too Old For This Shit - Kill Lincoln Urdnot Wrex

“This random apathy/I swear it's killing me But I guess it's all the same, till the devil knows my name”

I don’t know ANYTHING about this band, but this song fits Wrex’s disillusionment with the Krogan well, plus, like. The title. (And also, that he secretly DOES care what happens to the Krogan.)

11. Bird Song - Juniper Vale Tali’zorah nar Rayya

“I want to dance on the horizon line But there is something I am caged behind I have a heart made for take flight But I'm low, so low”

I adore this song and the sound of Juniper Vale in general. The etherealness of this one, combined with the youthful optimism, feels very Tali. The line about ‘something I am caged behind’ works well for the suits, too. This one’s especially good if you’re a Talimancer!

12. 11. Green Garden - Laura Mvula Liara T’Soni

“And I’ll fly on the wings of a butterfly High as a tree top and down again Putting my bag down, taking my shoes off Walk on the carpet of green velvet”

I really like this song’s vibes and I feel like Liara fits it well, particularly in ME1, before all her youthful optimism is stripped from her. The scenery descriptions feel very Thessia, too.

13. Feed Me (Git It) - Little Shop of Horrors The Thorian

“The guy sure looks like plant food to me!”

Do you get it. Do you get my joke. It’s because the Thorian is a plant that eats people. (I’m not funny)

14. Blindness - Metric Matriarch Benezia

“I was a blind fool, never complained All the survivors singing in the rain “

I don’t love the use of blind here as a negative, albeit metaphorical, descriptor, but I think this song fits Benezia’s indoctrination and death well. If you have suggestions for another, though, let me know!

15. Technologic - Daft Punk Saren

“Buy it, use it, break it, fix it, trash it, change it, mail, upgrade it”

I just think it’s Neat

16. Watershed - Vienna Teng The Reapers

“ While you were building your empires I was still sleeping”

I think this is the song that inspired the entire playlist. Vienna Teng sat down and decided to write a song from the perspective of a natural disaster, and it’s so ominous and gut-wrenching.

17. Hourglass - The Hush Sound Virmire

“This is how it ends We believe every lie and say we'll be friends How long will it last? Before we scratch all the scripts and we rework the cast “

hahahahah rework the cast get it because you have to pick who DIES

Seriously tho I really like this song for Virmire and that moment of choice that feels like it lasts 100 years on some playthroughts.

18. Pompeii - Bastille The Siege of the Citadel

“ And the walls kept tumbling down In the city that we love”

Throwback to when this song was on the radio like three times an hour. Which is around the time I made the first draft of this playlist, incidentally! It’s such a good Final Battle Jam for the Citadel, and the part about “if you close your eyes/does it almost feel like nothing’s changed at all” I think work really well for Shepard in this sequence. Shepard knew the Reapers were coming, had been fighting them all along; this attack on the Citadel is just retreading familiar territory for them, as horrifying as the war being brought to their doorstep is for the Citadel’s citizens and the council. James Vega has some good dialogue about that kind of thing in ME3.

INTERLUDE THE FIRST

19. Starships - Nicki Minaj The Normandy Crew

Starships were meant to fly Hands up and touch the sky

I like to have a little fun OK

20. Gravity - Yoko Kanno The Death of Commander Shepard

“Am I alone? is somebody there beyond these heavy aching feet still the road keeps on telling me to go on”

Welcome to mood whiplash, it’s my specialty! This is the part where you die. I think it also works for her coma very well, when she’s just drifting between life and death, not sure what’s going on, but something keeps trying to pull her back to the world.

SECOND MOVEMENT - MASS EFFECT 2

21. The Phoenix - Fall Out Boy The Lazarus Project

“Hey young blood, doesn't it feel like our time is running out? I'm gonna change you like a remix Then I'll raise you like a phoenix “

this song has no right to go as hard as it does and if you think it’s melodramatic shut up

22. My Body Is A Cage - Peter Gabriel Commander Shepard

“I'm living in an age Whose name I don't know Though the fear keeps me moving Still my heart beats so slow “

This works particularly well if you romanced The Virmire Survivor, but this song captures the energy of Shepard freaking out bc they are trapped with Cerberus, because Cerberus rebuilt their body from the ground up. That jarring, caged feeling is so palpable in ME2 that when they gave me back Joker the first time I played, I BURST INTO SOBS from relief.

23. The Lady is a Vamp - The Spice Girls Miranda Lawson

“That's all in the past, legends built to last But she's got something new”

Listen. She’s a bond babe. Handbags, heels and pistols rock. She’s got class. This is a song about Miranda. That is all.

24. Kryptonite - 3 Doors Down Jacob Taylor

“ I watched the world float to the dark side of the moon After all I knew, it had to be something to do with you “

This one’s about the Vibes for me. Also can apply to his past relationship with Miranda. I’m also super showing my age on this song, oof haha.

25. Stable Song - Death Cab For Cutie Colony Abduction

“Rows of deserted houses all Our stable mates highway bound “

I really like the mood of this one for showing up on the very first abducted colony, the eerieness and sadness of it all and Shepard’s resolve to do something about it.

26. Konichiwa Bitches - Robyn Kasumi Goto

“I'm so very hot that when I rob your mansion You ain't call the cops, you call the fire station”

THAT COUPLET ALONE MAKES THE ENTIRE SONG. I love how playful and cheeky it is.

27. Seven Nation Army Glitch Mob Remix - The White Stripes, Glitch Mob Zaeed Massani

“And I'm talking to myself at night Because I can't forget Back and forth through my mind Behind a cigarette”

Pretty sure we all had this on some playlist or another when it came out, and it’s the perfect Badass With A Grudge song.

28. Science is Real - They Might Be Giants Mordin Solus

“ And when a theory emerges Consistent with the facts The proof is with science The truth is with science “

This one actually got added by my wife to replace a song that wasn’t on Spotify, but that has the same energy; Hank Green’s “I Fucking Love Science”. I get more into the emotional side of Mordin in the ME3 section, but I also really just love his Hamster On Coffee energy and this song captures it really well.

29. Prove Yourself - Radiohead Garrus Vakarian

“I can't afford to breathe in this town Nowhere to sit without a gun in my hand Hooked back up to the cathode ray

I'm better off dead “

The absolute rock bottom mental state Garrus is in when you get back to him in ME2 is so heartwrenching. Might not always agree with my boy’s methods, but he’s one of my favorite fictional characters of all time.

30. Rat a Tat - Fallout Boy Feat. Courtney Love Jack

“We are professional ashes of roses, this kerosene's live You settled your score, this is where you come to beg”

It helps that Courtney Love sounds exactly like Jack to me, NGL.

31. Defeat You - Smash Mouth Grunt

“Hey I know what you've done It makes it that much better to defeat you “

Only I am brave enough to put two songs by Smash Mouth on the same playlist, to be shared in 2021

32. The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot - Brand New Horizon/The Virmire Survivor

“If it makes you less sad I will die by your hand Hope you find out what you want Already know what I am “

Hits harder if you romanced the Virmire Survivor. Mostly from Shep’s perspective. This is a Shep that feels Bad after that encounter rather than Mad, so Your Mileage May Vary.

33. Violet Stars Happy Hunting! - Janelle Monae Tali’zorah vas Neema

“I'm an alien from outer space I'm a cyber-girl without a face a heart or a mind”

I just like the vibes of this one for Tali! I know it’s more about an actual AI but...IDK. I like it. So there.

34. Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd Thane Krios

“There is no pain you are receding A distant ship smoke on the horizon”

This song works both on a Literal level with his Kepral’s syndrome struggles, but also Metaphorical re: his Battle Sleep. Plus, Thane is a dad, so he gets Dad Rock.

35. My Medea - Vienna Teng Samara

“For I have made her prison be Her every step away from me And this child I would destroy If you tried to set her free “

Mom of the year award, here

36. Toxic - Britney Spears Morinth

“There's no escape, I can't wait I need a hit, baby, give me it You're dangerous, I'm loving it”

If Morinth weren’t so under-utilized after recruitment and didn’t get killed off in the background of ME3 I’d probably actually recruit her sometimes. I almost did on my most recent playthru bc that Shepard just HATES SPACE COPS. Anyway the song explains itself

37. Turn me On - David Guetta feat. Nicki Minaj EDI/The Collector Attack

“My body needs a hero Come and save me Something tells me you know how to save me”

I know this song is a metaphor but also it works really well both literally and metaphorically for Joker saving EDI

38. Robots - Dan Mangan Legion

“Robots need love too They want to be loved by you “

The Geth just want to live peacefullyyyyyy

39. Be Still - The Killers Love Interest Theme

“Be still / someday you’ll leave fearlessness on your sleeve”

This song works so well for the night before Omega-4. If you had an ME2 love interest, anyway. Also “fearlessness on your sleeve” is one of my favorite set of words ever written.

40. No Cars Go - Arcade Fire The Omega-4 Relay

“We know a place no spaceships go We know a place where no subs go “

This one’s pretty literal.

41. Rocketman - Elton John Suicide Mission

“ And I think it's gonna be a long, long time 'Til touchdown brings me 'round again to find I'm not the man they think I am at home “

I like sneaking some Classics onto my playlists, and I think this is how I generally approach Shepard’s mindset during the Suicide Mission, mostly the chorus. I’m also a sucker for ballads during action sequences. This one isn’t a perfect 1:1 but the Vibes check out.

42. Blast Off - David Guetta feat. Kaz James The Normandy Crew

“Got all my people with me And none of us give a fuck So put dem hands up higher Let's smash this party up”

You have to imagine they partied HARD after recovering from Suicide Mission, but before Shep got arrested, right??? This is the Starships for ME2.

INTERLUDE THE SECOND

43. I’m Not Your Hero - Tegan and Sara Liara T’soni

“ Feeling like I am now lighting up the hall I was used to standing in the shadow of a damaged heart Learning all I know now, losing all I did I never used to feel like I'd be standing so far ahead “

This feels like a good coming of age moment for Liara, as she copes with the choices she made in the 2 years of Shepard’s death (giving them to Cerberus), losing Feron, etc. This is her coming into her own as the Shadow Broker. She’s not meant to be an uncomplicated Big Damn Hero, but she can do good from this position.

44. The Well and the Lighthouse - Arcade Fire The Alpha Relay Incident

“I'm serving time All for a crime I did commit You want the truth? You know I'd do it all again“

These opening lines I feel capture the Alpha Relay Incident really well, and how Shepard did what they HAD to do there, and would do it again, but it still feels like shit. I always wished there was more choice on that mission, but also, having something like that happen without player agency is interesting. Shepard is at their most interesting, I think, in times where we DON’T have a say in what happens to them.

45. Reignite - Malukah Commander Shepard

“Crush my heart into embers, and I will reignite”

Is it cheating to use a Mass Effect fan song on my playlist? I certainly don’t think so, and this is the best Mass Effect fan song ever written.

THIRD MOVEMENT - MASS EFFECT 3

46. This Is War - Thirty Seconds to Mars Leaving Earth

“It's the moment of truth, and the moment to lie The moment to live and the moment to die The moment to fight, the moment to fight To fight, to fight, to fight “

It feels Too Easy to use this here but I’m gonna anyway. You’ve seen AMVs of this set to everything. It’s the ending song of DA:O. It’s the quintessential World At War song.

47. Battleborn - The Killers James Vega

“Up against the wall There's something dying on the street When they knock you down You're gonna get back on your feet”

James Vega is massively underrated and I will love him til I’m cold in the ground. Aro icon.

48. Handlebars - Flobots The Illusive Man

“I can hand out a million vaccinations Or let 'em all die of exasperation Have 'em all healed of their lacerations Have 'em all killed by assassination”

The way this song escalates fits TIM and Cerberus’s fall back into being Just Full On Evil really well. Perfect song for a power trip.

49. Here I Dreamt I Was An Architect - The Decemberists The Virmire Survivor

“And I am nothing of a builder But here I dreamt I was an architect And I built this balustrade To keep you home, to keep you safe From the outside world”

I like this song for how the Virmire Survivor feels about their survivor’s guilt and also about Shepard. I honestly wish they were both more heavily utilized in ME2 and 3, but I realize it’s hard to write a ton of content for characters who just aren’t in half of all peoples’ playthrus.

50. Heaven Knows - The Pretty Reckless Grisson Academy

“One, two, three and four, the devil's knocking at your door Caught in the eye of a dead man's lie Show your life with your head held high“

This song is so perfect for Jack and her biotic kids that she’s one of the only returning characters that gets her own song on this playlist

51. The Great Fire - OK Go Javik

“But when the flames die down, and everything is gone, Will there be fire under the ashes still?”

Self explanatory. Javik is the fire remaining under the ashes.

52. Bring the Hammer Down - Paragon Priority: Tuchanka/Kalros

“ Hammer strikes the anvil A rage that breaks the chain Strikes down like a lightening In our ranks “

KALROOOOOS

53. Wake Up - Arcade Fire Curing The Genophage/Mordin Solus

“If the children don't grow up, Our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up. We're just a million little gods causin' rain storms, turnin' every good thing to Rust I guess we'll just have to adjust”

I just really love this song as an image of Mordin’s spirit looking out over Tuchanka as the genophage cure is dispersed, and watching over future generations. If you didn’t cure the genophage, how dare you. No song for you.

Anyway started tearing up listening to this one while writing the description don’t look at me

54. Ballad of a Politician - Regina Spektor Councillor Udina/Priority Citadel 2

“A man inside a room is shaking hands with other men This is how it happens/Our carefully laid plans”

traitor

55. Cyborgs vs. Robots - Ludo The Geth-Quarian War

“But your iron fist will never knock me down 'Cause I'm powered By a conscious right to conduct my life without fear.”

This is probably a bit silly for this awful war. But also. It does fit. You can’t tell me it doesn’t. Just save them both at the end and you can feel fine having some fun with it!

56. Artificial Heart - Jonathan Coulton The Geth

“It's not a real heart It is a real artificial heart”

Just a little fun with the Geth! This works best with Reaper Upgrades.

57. With A Little Help From My Friends - Joe Anderson, Jim Sturgess The Citadel DLC

“What do you see when you turn out the light? I can't tell you, but I know it's mine

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends”

I happen to prefer this version to any other because of how much fun it sounds like they’re having

58. Dark In Here - The Mountain Goats Priority: Earth

“Steal away at sundown, pick a place to hide Check for signs of ambush, hunker down inside Tired of running, tired of never standing still Hear them riding up the hill“

You know I had to get the Goats in here. Would it be a fan playlist if there wasn’t one?

59. Adieu - Yoko Kanno Leaving your Love Interest/Shepard and the Beam

“My love for you burns deep inside me / So strong Embers of times we had And now, here I stand / Lost in a memory I see your face, and smile”

...do I need to say more than that?

60. My Way (Minor Key) - Chase Holfelder The Indoctrination of The Illusive Man

“Regrets, I've had a few/But then again, too few to mention I did what I had to do/I saw it through, without exemption“

This cover takes this song from something I tolerate when I hear it to one of my FAVORITE songs. The frenzied way he sings the “through it all” verse is PEAK Indoctrinated TIM.

61. I’m Alive - Disturbed Refusal

“There will never be a reason why I will surrender to your advice To change myself, I'd rather die/Though they will not understand”

Honestly I didn’t “get” the Refusal ending until I heard this song, then I was like, OH, I SEE IT ALL SO CLEARLY NOW. This is my favorite in-universe Shepard take on the Refusal ending. I always got it from the player’s perspective of being dissatisfied with the options, but this one puts it into the world for me. This is a Shepard who does not trust the Starchild. This is a Shepard that chooses to end things on their own terms rather than submit to their designs.

62. Machine - Regina Spektor Control

��I collect my moments Into a correspondence With a mightier power Who just lacks my perspective And who lacks my organics And who covets my defects “

I used to have Adieu here, actually, because like Refusal, I didn’t used to GET the Control ending. Now, I do, in part thanks to hearing this song. I mean, just go look at the full lyrics. If this song hadn’t been written years before the end of Mass Effect 3, I’d swear it was a fan song for it.

63. Maybe Tomorrow - Yuki Kajiura Destroy

“The moon is gone And the night is still so dark I'm a little bit afraid of tomorrow“

I’m a Destroy Ending person, I won’t lie. Full on “the starchild is a liar and my synthetic friends are FINE” indoctrination theory level destroy ending. But this song is not about that. It’s about the canonical destroy ending, and if you prefer a Shep that survives it, this song’s for you.

This song captures the exhaustion and melancholy of the end of a long journey so well. Shepard is afraid of what comes next, the collateral damage resulting from their actions. But they know that, at least, it’s over now. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

64. Waiting For the End - Linkin Park Synthesis

“ I know what it takes to move on I know how it feels to lie All I wanna do is trade this life for something new Holding on to what I haven't got”

This is one of my favorite songs of all time. The hardest part of ending is starting again. Oof. Gets me every single time. Shepard finding the resolve to sacrifice themself for the hope of something better, of things not going how they planned, ever, of learning to make peace with that and the people who loved them learning to carry on without them? OOF.

65. Shine - Vienna Teng Epilogue

“Shine with all the untold Hold the light given unto you Find the love to unfold In this broken world we choose“

Vienna Teng is a master of capturing life’s softer emotions, and this fits perfectly with the epilogue scene for me. Tell me again about the Shepard.

“Find the love to unfold in this broken world we choose” has to be one of the greatest lines about the human experience ever written.

#mass effect #mass effect legendary edition #no one's gonna listen to this #but i need the world to know it exists #it took me as long as the playlist is to put this together

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retvenkos · 5 years ago

Text

“does this come in black?”

SOME GENERAL HEADCANONS ABOUT PANSY PARKINSON, BECAUSE SHE DESERVES TO BE FLESHED OUT...

(i’m disregarding canon because canon sucks for so many slytherins. anyway...)

so pansy is the youngest of a family of three

she had two older brothers who were older than her by like, 8 and 9 years

so when she goes to hogwarts, she does not have a clan, thus her immediately making friends with draco. she had to find a pack quick.

also, since her brothers are so much older than her, she has this kind of weird attitude where she had the attention of an only child but also the power of being the youngest sibling?

her parents definitely dote on her. she’s the only girl in the family, y’know?

but also, because of that, a lot of pressure is on her shoulders

she has a lot to live up to and she is very much that kid who wants her parents’ approval

i think what puts pansy in slytherin is her cunning

pansy definitely knows how to get what she wants, and even if she isn’t always subtle about it, she manages to get it, in the end.

and she loves gossip, so she learns so much from the grapevine that she could use against you in she really wanted to...

i also think she has a fair bit of self-preservation

although blaise is clearly the best in this category, maybe he gives her tips every once in a while

i agree with the majority of the fandom that she is a lesbian and pretends to be in love with draco as a cover up

they’re actually just really great friends. i think that around fourth year, draco stops seeing her as being lesser and actually starts to enjoy her company.

yes, pansy can be annoying as hell, but so can he so honestly kudos to them for being able to handle each other

also! pansy, draco, theo nott, and blaise zabini are an iconic friend group, you cannot convince me otherwise

and being the only girl in the group, she has an interesting role to play

again, pansy has two brothers, so she’s definitely comfortable hanging out with the boys - maybe even more so than hanging out with other girls

she’s also very blunt

which means if any of the boys are saying anything sexist, she is calling them out before they even finish, her argument very convincing because she knows your every thought and will use it against you.

so she can definitely hold her own in the friend group, don’t think she’s out of place, because she most definitely is not

she and draco are the more dramatic friends

she and blaise are the silently-judging-you friends

and she and theo are a more unlikely pair but they can bond over feeling left out or alienated, sometimes

(theo is a half-blood with some clear daddy issues that make it hard for him to socialize and pansy is disliked by the other girls in her year for a number of reasons. the two of them often go to each other to have someone to study with or talk literature. any emotional or quiet moments are spent with theo.)

and what i also love is that pansy is affectionate and she brings that out in all of the boys

draco definitely lets her do it the most: he will 10/10 put his head in her lap and allow her to stroke his hair while he complains about potter, weasley, and granger

and theo will let her hold onto his arm while they read in the common room

and while blaise is the least into her affection, she will put a hand on his shoulder before leaving the group and he suppresses a smile

give blaise affection, damnit

i just feel like pansy can be really sweet with those she cares about

and she really does c a r e about those boys

maybe she became friends with them for the clout at the beginning, but she really grew to trust them and lean on them in her times of need.

and i feel like the stereotypical mean girl™ pansy is a phase that she kind of grows out of by fourth year

because after cedric comes back dead, things are real

i wish we got to have a slytherin character that the trio was friends with in the 5th year and on, because there could have been so much insight as to how the kids of death eaters were coping. but i guess that’s too much for j.k. so...

and yeah muggle-borns are beneath her and shouldn’t be able to come to her same school, but should they die?

i feel like that’s a big leap in ideology right there, and it’s hard to know who would be fine with taking that jump.

but, remember, pansy wants her family's approval

so, for the sake of appearances, she does her best to hold things together

and maybe it’s blaise that gives her quiet, innocuous tips on how to keep a stiff upper lip.

he’s been there. he knows what it’s like to have rumors swirl around your family.

and maybe it’s draco that sits with her in the common room, letting her vent while he braids her hair

he’s been there. he knows what it’s like to have people be wary of your family.

and maybe it’s theo that slips her notes in class with inspiring quotes from his latest novel

he’s been there. he knows what it’s like to be a mistrusted outsider.

and she keeps it all in.

oh! and i know that hermione says that pansy is thick, but pansy isn’t an idiot.

she’s average at most things, and if she loves it she will put in the time to improve.

she’s actually really good at defense against the dark arts

and in the summer before her sixth year she made her own spell to bypass the charmed locks on her parents’ liquor cabinet (she had been trying to get in for at least a year)

she, theo, draco, and blaise drank together for the first time that night and got piss drunk

draco is actually a weepy, sad drunk

blaise is a happy, affectionate drunk

theo is that kind of philosophical drunk who just wants to give an entire essay on the meaning of life or wants to talk for five hours about his favorite kind of chocolate

and pansy is that kind of reckless drunk who just really wants to slide down the banister

they tried to play truth or dare but draco wouldn’t stop crying about how he had actually been really mean to buckbeak and pansy was one dare away from attempting to apparate without prior training.

ANYWAY

yes, pansy’s mean and she’s a bully, but she is loyal to a fault when it comes to her friends

and she is protective as hell

she wants you to pull a wand on her. she dares you to.

she will hex you into next week without a second thought

oh, and as for physical traits, i’ve always imagined pansy with a black bob and bangs

she definitely has the best winged eyeliner and dark lip

and if another slytherin asks her how she does it, at first she’ll think it’s some kind of roundabout way to be mean, but when she sees they’re genuine, she will 100% teach them, giving them an old eyeliner she doesn’t use anymore

she’s also short! blaise will make fun of her and she will not hesitate to obliterate his kneecaps.

i like to think that she thought of herself as not being pretty when she was younger, but blaise was like,,, beauty is literally just makeup

and then she learns and is instantly in love.

she goes for a dramatic look. all. the. time.

and being a part of the sacred 28, she probably got a dark mark alongside draco - maybe after him, before their seventh year

and he is there for her, telling her everything is going to be okay.

and after voldemort is gone, they leave ugly scars

and theo knows what that’s like - to have ugly scars that remind you of terrible realities - so he takes her to get a tattoo to cover it

and it’s a vine full of flowers - black and white pansies

AND FLUFF ENSUES.

#hp #hp golden trio #pansy parkinson #slytherin #hogwarts #imagine #would include #headcanons #draco malfoy #theodore nott #blaise zabini #fluff #angst #general headcanons

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thesoobfiles · 5 years ago

Text

one stubborn senator – a. skywalker

Words: 2.1k

Summary: Senator (L/N) of Kyoi knows what she wants and she wants Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker; however, she’s also very stubborn and refuses to acknowledge her feelings for the prophesized Chosen One. Will her false front crumble when a certain Skywalker is assigned to be her escort?

A/N: this story is inspired by write-i-do’s drabble, ‘The Senator’. i suggest reading it because it’s great and maybe you’ll have a better grasp on this one. i might have used some of it (i hope that’s ok) in order to keep true to the drabble… also, Kyoi is not a real Star War planet. anyways, i really hope you guys like it, especially @write-i-do. since it’s based off your drabble and i don’t want to disgrace it with this madness… enjoy!

Anakin thought he was a generally lucky person; however, his luck seemed to change whenever you were involved. Whenever he wished to talk to you, you were always whisked away by another; whether it be Senator, clone or Jedi. He thought he had finally caught a break when he was assigned to be your Jedi escort.

Anakin waltzed up to me and began his introduction, “Senator (L/N), it’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m-“ He was quickly cut off with my snippy remark.

“Anakin Skywalker. Yes, I’m aware; I’ve seen the holo-net before...” I said, unimpressed, “Decorated General, poster boy of the Republic as well as close, personal friend of the Chancellor.”

“What kind of Senator would I be if I didn’t know who you were?” I asked, a bit coldly; however, Anakin couldn’t help the blush that bloomed across his cheeks.

He cleared his throat, trying his best to hold some semblance of professionalism, “With the pleasantries out of the way, shall we get going?” I looked downwards at his extended hand and turned away with a huff.

“Why did the Council send you anyways?” I asked, making my way to the door, “It’s not like I can’t take care of myself; plus, I think you’re much more useful on the battlefield.” I said as I finally exited the room and left behind a much frazzled Jedi.

Little did he know, your distant behavior didn’t express how you truly felt; it was a front to hide your adoration for him.

I hope my cold demeanor wasn’t too much... Just wait until my Senator friends hear about this one! How lucky I am to have the Anakin Skywalker assigned to me! I thought with excitement as I made my way onto my ship, Anakin not far behind me.

He walks on the ship and heads for the cockpit, throwing a glance your way. You’re sitting on the bench attached to the wall with your legs crossed one over the other and your eyes closed; a mix between a scowl and a blank expression over taking your features. He continues his trek to the pilot’s seat and sits down, defeated.

Even with her face in a scowl, she is the most beautiful creature I’ve had the pleasure of casting my gaze upon. He thought while preparing for take-off.

I wonder the purpose of her prickly exterior… Anakin began to ponder, whenever I see her conversing with others, she always has a magnificent smile on her face and her eyes twinkle with joy… Perhaps the next time we engage in conversation, I can try and sense what the issue is… Anakin decided as he notes the ship is approaching the Kyoi system.

He puts the ship on autopilot as he heads to where you’re seated. Your face is still contorted into the blank expression from earlier as you appear to be… meditating? Your hands rest on your knees and you rest crisscrossed on the floor.

Has she been sitting this way for the entirety of the trip?

“Senator, we-“

“We’ve entered the Kyoi system, I know.” I respond with my eyes still closed, “Did you know it’s considered rude to interrupt meditation, Master Jedi?” I say as I open my eyes and tilt my head up, Anakin’s face coming into view.

“I apologize, I’ll-“

“No, it’s fine. The aura has dissipated anyways…” I reason as I leave my spot on the floor to walk up to Anakin, “and yes, I have.”

He furrows his brows in confusion, “You have what?”

“I have been sitting that way for the entirety of our journey.” I reply coolly as I make my way to the cockpit, sitting in the co-pilot seat and overseeing the rest of the trip to Kyoi.

“I didn’t say that out loud… How did you know?” Anakin asks curiously as he reclaims the seat of the pilot.

“The ability of telepathy is rare among my people. Many years ago, telepaths were hunted and killed for being… different.” I say, looking out the large window that separates the cockpit from the vast, emptiness of space, “Our ways have changed since then; however, there are still those who hold strong grudges against telepaths.”

“Do you wish to expose me, Master Skywalker?” I ask, turning in his direction. His mouth hangs open before he quickly closes it.

“No! Of course not!” He rambles out, “I was just unaware of this part in your history…” He trails off.

“Not many are; consider yourself lucky…” I say as I flip the switch that opens the door of my ship and leave him with his thoughts.

He does not remain there long as he hurriedly joins my side.

We exit the ship and head for my residence near the crystal caves.

The walk is filled with silence and Skywalker’s mind runs like a faucet; thought after thought entering his mind.

I wonder how much longer the walk to her home is... I’m not complaining, just curious…

The terrain here is wonderful… This is truly an amazing place to live, unlike Tatooine… I wonder if the crystal caves are anything like Ilum…

I wonder what I could do to change her attitude towards me…

Oh, an interesting thought indeed; but, in order to hide my affection, I’m afraid my attitude won’t be changing anytime soon, darling.

-like? Wait, I forgot she was a telepath… what if she’s listening?!

Anakin’s eyes glance over at me and my eyes are trained on the path in front of us. His gaze returns to the front and his thoughts continue. However, I’ve decided I shouldn’t abuse this power; I wouldn’t want anyone listening in on my thoughts…

While (Y/N) has left Anakin to his thoughts, Anakin has not left (Y/N) to hers.

Almost home, a little longer on this path and we’re there. Wait. We. Anakin and I… Oh my stars, I never took into consideration that he’d be in my house... THE Anakin Skywalker, in my house; how unnerving…

I wonder how much longer I can really keep this up… Why waste time hiding my adoration when I can just say, ‘Anakin Skywalker, I love you.’…

WHAT?!

Actually, that might come off a bit high strong and this is only our first meeting… But, he’s so amazing… It’s honestly hard NOT to adore him… He fights selflessly for the Republic and his compassion knows no end; not to mention he’s crazy good-looking.

Anakin raises his eyebrow and smirks in the Senator’s direction; however, she is none the wiser and is completely lost in her thoughts.

I mean, wow. His shoulder-length hair looks so soft and lush I just want to run my fingers through it all night… Seriously, what kind of hair products is he using?

Anakin holds back the urge to laugh.

He also smells amazing. I have no idea how, but he does. He spends his days fighting, probably sweating buckets, and he still smells great. Do all Jedi’s smell this good?

Probably not; Padmé actually insisted I try this new body wash because ‘It’s better than the cheap crap the Jedi make you use.’

And his skin is practically flawless… I have no idea how, but I’ll have to ask what his skincare routine is…

Also thanks to Padmé; she’s vowed to provide me with all of my toiletries from now on because she despises how much chemicals are in the ones the Jedi give us…

He looks up to see that they are within a 10 foot radius of Senator (L/N)’s home.

I’m impressed. She does a really good job of making it seems like she hates my guts. It’s crazy how she can keep such a straight face when her thoughts run rampant like this…

It’s a shame the Jedi are so conservative…

She walks up to the door and places her palm on a rock next to the door; it’s flat and embedded into the structure as if nothing was there.

Those robes probably cover up the most delicious muscles and no one would ever know…

I’m dragged out of my thoughts and stop walking in when Anakin bursts out laughing. I furrow my eyebrows and look at him with confusion as he doubles over with laughter. An unexpected noise, but a pleasant one. Who knew Anakin Skywalker’s laugh was such as blessing to hear?

“You, Senator, are a master of deception.” Anakin manages between laughs as he tries to catch his breath.

“How so, Master Skywalker?” I ask curiously, walking the rest of the way in my house with Anakin right behind me.

“How can you look so stern yet think such thoughts?” He asks with a smirk as he shuts the door behind him.

My eyes widen at the accusation and I swallow the lump in my throat, “What thoughts?”

“Shall I repeat them for you?” He asks with that glorious smirk on his face.

He holds up one finger, “My compassion knows no end,” My eyes widen once again.

He lifts another finger, “You wish to run your fingers through my hair all night,” I can feel the heat beginning to form in my face as he slowly walks towards me.

Another finger joins his other two, “and my personal favorite, how these horrid Jedi robes could possibly be covering up the most delicious muscles and no one would ever know.” He finishes with a triumphant grin. By the time he’s finished, my entire face is flushed and my heart is beating out of my chest. I collapse on my couch and bury my face in my hands.

“How embarrassing! Having such thoughts about a man who is forbidden from forming attachments…” I mutter from within my hands. I feel the couch cushion on my right sink and an arm wrap around my shoulders.

“If it’s any consolation Senator, I think you’re compassionate as well. Fighting for your people not on the battlefield, but in the Senate chamber.”

“And your hair looks as soft as it is feels.” He says as he takes a piece and twirls it around his fingers.

“And fortunately, your people are not as conservative as the Jedi.” He finishes as his fingers stroke the skin of my upper arm. I remove my hands from my face, sit up and look in his direction, “Are you flirting with me, Master Skywalker?”

His signature smirk returns as his beautiful blue eyes look straight at my (E/C) ones, “Would it be so bad if I was?”

“Oh no, quite the opposite in fact; however, what about the Jedi code?” I ask, concerned.

He looks thoughtful, facing forwards and he stops stroking my arm.

I would leave the Jedi Order for you.

“What?!” I exclaim and push him away, his hand dropping from my arm, “No, you can’t do that.” I say, crossing my arms.

“You’ve probably trained your whole life to be a Jedi! You can’t give that up; especially not for me!” I say, surprised by his words.

“I’m only 21, Senator. My whole life only consists of 21 years and 12 of those years were dedicated to becoming a Jedi.”

“That’s more than half of your life!”

“So far…” He counters, “I’ll hopefully live many more years and I wish for those years to be by your side.” Anakin looks over at me and grabs my hands.

I look him; I look into his captivating blue orbs and really think about how he’d give up everything to be with me and we’ve only just met.

“2 years.” I say. He raises his eyebrow in return and I elaborate further, “If you still love me in 2 years, you can leave the Jedi Order and I’ll accept what I assume is your proposal.”

“Deal.” He replies with a toothy grin.

#anakin skywalker #star wars #anakin x reader #anakin skywalker x reader #senator reader #anakin skywalker x senator reader #star wars x reader #anakin

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corpsentry · 5 years ago

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behind the taylor swift gundam was in fact another, smaller gundam: a brief inquiry into the events of june 2020

so back in june this year june and i got together and we made this motherfucker of a story with this motherfucker of a thread to keep track of it all. but you already know that! and i’ve already got one foot and three elbows in my grave, so i’ll spare you the long-winded stuff. you wanna know how i wrote 93,035 words in 4 weeks? i’ll tell you how i wrote 93,035 words in 4 weeks-

-by linking you guys to copies of my planning documents because i feel like those words speak louder than any words i can offer in the present day. these are long documents. but they are also historical artifacts. very interesting. very weird. very, uh, full of cussing. so anyway, here’s

BIG DADDY: THE ORIGINAL PLANNING DOCUMENT

for those, like me, who have no motivation left in life to do anything and rely on summaries from others to acquire new knowledge, it all started with a single line.

prince of a fallen kingdom atsumu tries to kill hinata but falls in love with him instead

june, april something, 2020

with that in mind i tested the concept out with a few paragraphs of text, which you can find at the bottom of the Big Daddy document in the graveyard segment, accidentally sold my soul to the image of hinata with epaulettes, and then worked backwards, structuring an entire plot around two images:

a) hinata getting the shit beat out of him, with snark b) hinata and atsumu dancing in an empty ballroom under the stars

if you want a betrayal, you have to have something worth losing. if you want to fall in love with someone you don’t know, you have to meet them. if you have to meet them, there has to be a reason for that meeting, and so somewhere in between atsumu became a sword instructor and hinata the prince with daddy issues. june and i used this method of glancing anxiously over your shoulder to see what you’d missed to fill out the blanks in the story, after which i tacked up a bunch of post-its, typed out the plot, consulted june, typed out the plot again, and then broke the characters down into a bunch of questions, like ‘what do they want?’ and ‘what do they have?’ and ‘what are they afraid of?’

with the plot more or less ironed out, i decided it was time to start writing, and then i decided that i was actually too scared to start writing after all, so instead i set a couple of timers using classroomtimers.com (15-20 minutes long) and i sat down and i wrote about the world that hinata and atsumu inhabited.

each warm-up was 300-500 words long, and for the first few days, i’d write one before getting into writing the story proper. later these evolved into simply picking a scene from the story and launching straight into it, which became useful for opening those scenes later when i got to them organically.

then i got lazy! so i stopped. but these shitty little exercises were really useful for me because, unfettered by plot, convention, or any kind of tradition hovering over my shoulder, i was able to fuck around loosely enough to realize what i wanted this story to be. it was a very contrived kind of trial-and-error, an exploration of the characters, the story, but most importantly, the tone.

RESEARCH, PLANNING, AND VICTORIAN BOUGIE FASHION

this is a loose map of the castle and Important Locations within it, which i drew up at the start so i could keep track of where everything was and how i could get my characters from point A to point B. i wanted the story to have Some kind of internal logic, you know, even if that logic amounted to ‘a compass would function normally in this world whereas kageyama tobio would not’.

99% of my planning and organizing within those five weeks took place in this lovely dotted cat journal which my sister gave me for my birthday and i repurposed into a metaphorical Diary of Suffering while working on juno. i used it for everything from keeping track of narrative threads to clothing consistency checks, but the main purpose was this: each day at about 10 pm i’d crack open the cat book to a fresh page, stamp the date and the day of suffering at the top, and then write down a list of things i wanted to write, address, or fix today. then i’d sit at my laptop and write like a madman until about 7 in the morning. with breaks, of course, for sitting in the bathroom and staring at the wall and sitting in the kitchen and staring at the wall, but mostly i was writing. and complaining about writing. you were there, you probably remember that.

anyway, here are some pages from the cat book.

aside from the fact that my handwriting is complete shit, you can see that i made zero effort for any of this to be presentable. it was mainly a way for me to keep track of my thoughts because i have the attention span of an ikea wardrobe and tend to forget things as soon as i think of them. the lack of structure also mirrored the way that i went about writing juno. while i did proceed, for the most part, in chronological order, i had a lot of weird and useless revelations during lunch, which by this point was happening around 2 am, and in the 5 minutes before the exhaustion finally hit and carried me down to hell. i changed A Lot. again, to understand exactly how much the story evolved from day one onwards, please consult the big daddy document.

in the meantime, here’s something else.

once june sent over hinata and atsumu’s character designs i sat down like the fucking fool i am and spent 2 hours poring over a document about victorian and other fashion movements of the past so i could assign a noun, adjective, and verb to each element of their outfits. i don’t know why i did this. i certainly could have not, but i attempted to make sense of their ‘fits from a logistical perspective and that went into the cat book too. everything went into the cat book. the cat book is a relic of the past now, stuffed with artifacts such as the birth of oikawa tooru, and also his demise.

MEDIUM DADDY: EDITING, PROOFREADING, AND CREEPY MURDER CATS

i finished writing on june 26th, 2020, approximately a month after i’d first started planning, somewhere around may 27th or 28th. at that point i had about 90,000 words’ worth of story and no sanity left whatsoever, so i took a day-long break to stare at a wall and listen to taylor swift’s enchanted on loop.

and then i made a new document, which you can look at using the link above, and i laid out everything i had to do. i’d discovered a fuck ton of plot inconsistencies and general errors while writing and lying awake in bed at 9 a.m., sleepless in seattle, and now that i was free of the demon egging me towards the first finish line, it was time to Deal with them. i speed-scrolled through the draft, which was 200+ pages compressed into one google doc, because i like to tempt god’s wrath, and fixed up all the plot issues over the course of a few days. this was the fun part.

the actual, hard editing was the extremely un-fun part. i reread the entire thing, paragraph by paragraph, line by damn line, from start to finish, paying especially close attention to awkward phrasing, incomplete dialogue, and moments which had fallen flat in my haste to get on to the next one. this was really fucking terrible. i spent more time lying facedown on the floor than actually editing anything, but after a long time (about a week), that, too was done.

SMALL DADDY: TITLES, SUMMARIES, AND GOOD FUCKING BYES

i spent a good eighty days thinking about the title, though hilariously enough we ended up with something that was a blend of our names. june + elmo = juno, which is, all things considered, pretty perfect, but the process of picking the title was Hell, and i Did Not Come Up With The Title until about 2 hours before posting. you can take a look at the haphazard clusterfuck of my title-selecting process in small daddy, which is linked above.

so the title was a last-minute choice. so was the summary. and the chapter divisions. and actually all the songs in the playlist for juno. the day we dropped juno onto planet earth like a newborn baby pitched out of the sky, i spent an hour hunched over my laptop, cutting my 213 page google doc into chapters based on nothing more than a Vibe. two days before that, i also attempted to voice-act the entirety of juno, an affair which ended at the 20,000 word mark with a sore throat and the kind of exhaustion one typically wants to sleep in a coffin for 23 years to get rid of. so in all honesty, i did very little editing, which is why there are definitely minor typos and/or mistakes hanging out somewhere on that chunky ao3 webpage. but whatever.

my attitude by july 5th (was it july 5th? or 4th? somewhere around there) was basically whatever. anything so i could get finish this damn thing, chuck it out of the window, and never see another google doc until the next century. i’ve been asked a few times how exactly i wrote at a rate of roughly 2000-3000 words per day for four weeks straight, and my answer has always been this: i died. what died, you ask? my soul. my spirit. my Will To Live. i’m a creature of fixations, and juno was my fixation for june. will i ever be able to do this again? would i recommend this experience to anyone? is god real? the answer to all of the above is probably no. juno was a fever dream, and so is my cat book. and so are all the lattes i had. and so was my 9 am to 4 pm sleep schedule.

but what we made is real. the research, oikawa tooru, the 4 am conversations in which i was like ‘how the fuck do i end this’ and june was like ‘jade proposal’ (the proposal was her idea. all rise for twitter user atsuhinas. she is the mastermind behind all of the Inch Resting moments in this story; i just flapped a korok leaf in her direction and made sure the air circulation was working properly) are real as fuck, and looking back, there’s a lot i’d change, but i’m lazy. and college is starting. and anyway, i did write 93,035 words in just under five weeks, four if you don’t count the week of Editing Hell, so i think that’s pretty cool.

thank you for reading this to the end, and for following us on our journey through the enigmatic taylor swift gundam fic which quite literally consumed my entire twitter account for the five weeks i spent working on it. retrospectively speaking i really was butt-obsessed so i am frankly incredibly impressed with everyone around me for putting up with a Husk of a Man for a month. thank you for doing that. thank you for indulging my vague tweeting, and our butterfly dns, and for reading 93 thousand words of gay fanfiction set in a high fantasy world with epaulettes and galettes. on behalf of june, once again, we are incredibly grateful for all your support.

if you have any questions about specific aspects of the writing process, or anything you’d like to know in general with reference to JUNO, feel free to drop me an ask through my tumblr inbox, or through my curiouscat over here. i’m aware i didn’t cover everything, but there’s frankly too much to put in a tumblr post without passing away somewhere around the 56% mark, so let me know what’s on your mind, and i’ll try to answer that to the best of my abilities. but anyway, before i go, here are some

TAKEAWAYS

one: don’t try to write 93,000 words in five weeks. seriously don’t fucking do it you will end up jittery and sleep-deprived and you will leave all your friends on read for a month. pace yourself. set realistic goals. you wrote 2k this week? that’s fantastic. you wrote 4k in a day? you absolute motherfucker. i hope you’re taking a long fucking break tomorrow. your story will not run away from you, but if you run too fast, you will get tired, and then you will pass away.

two: you don’t have to know everything about your story before you start writing. in fact if you have a single camera shot of two characters holding hands under a rose garden awning, i think that’s fucking wonderful. if you look at big daddy, you’ll realize that my initial plot draft, and all the ones following that, are not perfectly aligned with the final version of juno. i improvised over half of the scenes in this motherfucker, and to be completely honest, some of the improvised scenes were the best. fucking oikawa tooru was improvised out of nowhere. he only got written in way later, around chapter 8 or something, because i realized i needed a plot device and a source of information to keep the playing table from toppling over. i Sat Down one day and was like ‘okay, it’s time to write oikawa into the introduction. because he matters now. he didn’t matter last week but now he does, and soon he’s going to be the fulcrum of the entire story, because it’s like that with oikawa tooru’. it’s okay to change your mind halfway. it’s okay to go back and rewrite entire scenes or segments. it’s okay to highlight 4 pages of fresh, sentimental writing, and hit delete. writing is a fluid process, and you Will make discoveries as you progress through your story alongside your characters. be understanding of that iterative process. be kind to yourself.

three: You Are That Motherfucker. you, me, your dog, your dog’s friend, your dog’s enemy, all of us are that motherfucker. i never thought i’d be able to write anything longer than the great big map, which was a much simpler, linear story in which the other main character did not appear in the current timeline until like the eighth chapter. juno was different. juno was the motherfucker, and i was scared shitless of it, and to cope with that fear joked constantly while writing that it’d never see the light of day.

but it did. it was a rocky process, and i was awake for 48 hours after posting it because of the sheer adrenalin stuck in my skull, but i got through it. and i wouldn’t have been able to do it without june, who stepped in when i flopped over facedown on the floor and dragged me to my feet like the badass friend she is, and without everyone else in my life, who put up with me talking about The Thing that i couldn’t really talk about, but juno’s up there now. forever, or until the internet collapses and civilization goes extinct. and if the nineteen year old clown with the attention span of an ikea armchair and an a level certificate from hell wrote the 93,000 word long thing, so can you. i mean this completely unironically and with every ounce of genuine emotion i can summon from the cracked asshole of my heart.

writing is hard. writing is scary. writing is an investigation of the world around you and therefore, by extension, yourself, and that kind of honesty is freaky. it’s like going skinny-dipping next to the president’s mansion. who’s going to see you? what if they take a photo? what if you lose your spot at university?

but don’t think about that. our world is overrun with stories the way cereal bowls are full of cereal, but it’s those stories that keep us all sane in the disgusting day-to-day muck of reality, so think about your story. what’s haunting you today? what message do you want to leave printed in font size 666 comic sans across the southern hemisphere of the planet? what will you be tomorrow?

a writer. you’re going to be a motherfucking writer.

#my stuff

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fingersinmyhair · 4 years ago

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Full Tilt by Neal Shusterman

My rating: 6.5/10

Rated: Child - Teen

SFW or NSFW: SFW

There are spoilers under the cut! You have been warned!

Overall Review:

At the request of a close friend, I read this book alongside them, as they'd read it once years ago on assignment in class. They swore by the book and said I'd enjoy it, and I couldn't agree more. This book was an easy read, but still keeps your eyes on the page wanting to find out what happens next.

I was impressed by how much happens in the book, as it's only around 120-135 pages of reading, but every chapter was eventful and detailed, giving the reader a clear vision of almost everything that happens.

As the main character, Blake, searches for his brother in the metaphysical amusement park where he and his friends must ride seven rides before dawn, he finds inner strength where he once only found cowardice and fear. The park conjures his worst memories and fears, using even his interests and insecurities against him and his friends, Maggie and Russ. The book ends with a clear resolve and a happy ending all wrapped in a pretty bow, but it wasn't forced or undeserving.

The characters and plot worked well together, in my honest opinion. There were many chuckle-to-myself moments and it was nice to root for the main character, not only to reach his goal but in pride as he found his strength.

Characters:

Blake: The main character and the biggest show of character development aside from Quinn and Cassandra. The park and his love for his younger brother push Blake to act entirely out of character in the perspective of the first few chapters. It's said multiple times through the book, even by Blake, that he's a coward, fearful and skittish, yet he storms into every adversary to his health - physical and mental - and perseveres only to save his brother and his friends from Cassandra and her park. It's also worth noting that Blake also finds comfort in having complete control of his environment, needing everything to be comfortable, neat, clean, and organized. He makes a remark to himself that he doesn't "have some weird disorder" about it, and it felt like it was meant to sound like he's in denial about it. It doesn't address this again in the book. At the beginning of the book, he is unsure if he will actually go away to college, but he's decided wholeheartedly that he wants to go and will be by the end of the book.

Quinn: Quinn is my favorite character in the book. It's said in the beginning and end of the book that many, for a long time, thought he was autistic when he was young because he was nonverbal, had poor social skills, and refused to make eye contact. The reasons for him, apparently not being autistic, are that he stopped being nonverbal when he was three and a half (after experiencing a roller coaster for the first time, an intense stimulus that he enjoyed greatly) and is now "self-centered" (as he thinks and acts impulsively based on his own emotions and needs). Since Quinn's first roller coaster ride, he was attracted to high-stimulus things, such as having a large number of piercings in his face and ears by age 13 (his age in the book), loud music, neon-bright colors, and eating mainly things with a large amount of sugar. I fully believe he is neurodivergent in the vein of either ADHD or being on the spectrum, if not comorbid. That being said, Quinn shows a lot of character development in the book. He goes from reclusing and even suicidal (he goes to the amusement park and willingly leaves Blake behind after learning that if he stays he will die, stating emphatically that he doesn't want to live in the real world anymore and so be it if his soul is trapped in the park for eternity) to being cooperative and working with his brother actively to find a way out of the park and beat Cassandra at her games. He tells his brother he loves him for the first time by the end of the book as well because of this development in his character.

Maggie: One of Blake's two best friends, his other being her boyfriend, Russ. Maggie is all but introduced as insecure and unsure of herself, but a good friend to Blake. She takes his side in most arguments that he gets into with Russ, as Russ usually starts them and is wrong, to begin with. She's very kind, though her insecurities in her appearance and how unsure of herself she is comes back later to bite her in the ass, physically altering her appearance to look how she feels on the inside. She is also a love interest to Blake, as they share a kiss while she looks like a monster and he tries everything he can to save her before failing to do so and having to move on due to time and urgency. Russ asks Blake if something is going on between him and Maggie when they're all out of the park, safe and sound, and Blake says, "I don't know. Maybe." She's the first person Blake comforts and assures when they reach safety as well.

Russ: Russ is introduced as a jock with no chosen sport, more so having the physique and interest in physical activity, but not having the attention span to focus on staying in a sport for too long. He's also, from the get-go, not very smart. (He interprets Blake's news of going to Columbia University as Blake would be moving to Columbia, making a remark that he didn't know Blake spoke Spanish.) At one point in the amusement park, he breaks before any of the rest of the group. He leaves Maggie behind when he sees her turn into a monster, not caring that it was her. When he gets on the Ferris Wheel, he sees something not detailed or described that shakes him to the core enough that he strikes a deal with Cassandra. If he saw Blake's death or demise, Russ would be released from the amusement park. Despite this, Blake still forgives him. Russ is absorbed by the park moments later for failing.

Mom & Carl: I do not like Blake and Quinn's mother. Several of her exes physically abused Quinn, and most likely Blake as well, and she knows this. It isn't detailed if she knew while it was happening or later on, but the way she handles Quinn not being comfortable around her new fiance and being "too" wary of him as a person in general due to her track record with me and him believing Carl will leave like all the others, including his father, is uncomfortable. She even complains to Blake about Quinn's attitude to the news she and Carl gave him, saying that not everything is about Quinn and that he essentially needs to get over it, negating Blake saying that not everything is about her to defend the way Quinn feels. If she's aware that her exes, including the father of her children, have either been physically abusive or have left her with no warning, why is she being harsh about Quinn being wary that the same thing is going to happen, not letting Carl's sunny disposition make him drop his guard? Carl himself is nice and tries to understand, so I don't have a problem with him.

Cassandra: A timeless, beautiful being that invites Blake to her amusement park, specifically so she can right the only wrong she's ever had. She's a fantastic antagonist, aloof and flirtatious (and even helpful) the first few times she's seen, but she slowly devolves into an angry and fearful being that wants Blake to stay with her, period. She goes from wanting to claim his soul to be absorbed by her park to wanting him to rule alongside her and bring balance to both her and the park, giving Blake the opportunity to carve out a realm of peace and fun for his loved ones trapped in the park, but he declines, infuriating her further. They even share a kiss intended to convey determination and the denial of her offer. Her world falls apart because Blake is, for lack of a better phrase, the one that got away.

#full tilt #neal shusterman #book review #ya novels #character analysis

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techouspeaks · 4 years ago

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Short Review on Ducktales 2017

With it’s cancellation announced, I take a look back on the reboot and share my final thoughts on it.

Now, a while back I did say that I didn’t care too much for the show, that I couldn’t get into it, but that was when the first or maybe even second season came around and I wondered if my thoughts changed over time after watching some episodes.

What are my thoughts on it? About the same...-ish. I dunno if I stated this before but I always felt that the 2017 reboot was trying to be too edgy and what I mean by that is that it tries to do more of the Darkwing aspect and often seems to put too much action when Ducktales was more about adventure than action. I mean, sure in some episodes they do stop a bad guy or they save the world in the old show, but they kept this more humble and light hearted feel to it and overall, kept it more of an adventure than just action. All the characters are always pumped up for action and adventure and craziness and not enough seem to be in between that. I especially didn’t like what they did with Webby because she felt like a Gosalyn 2.0. I don’t mind strong female and flawed leads but I felt like 2017 DT was always afraid to show a full on nurturing character, especially a female character.

Don’t worry, we’ll get to her in a minute!

Take Flora from Winx Club.

Her nature is kind, loving and nurturing. She’s completely feminine and vulnerable too. However, she can be pushed to her limits especially when she realizes she’s been taken advantage of and she’s useful in terms of magic and her nurturing side is seen as a strength since she can heal others and take care of things when it’s time for relaxation.

In DT 2017, all the female characters are strong and do have a nurturing side too but there aren’t too much of variety. They’re usually tomboys and as a tomboy myself and gender fluid, there’s nothing wrong with that but I like variety. I don’t think all female leads have to wield a sword or desire action all the time. Sometimes the greatest strength can come from say a seemingly “weak” character because their kindness and even loving nature is their strength and as long as they seem to be useful in some regard and have a brain, I don’t think it’s bad. I think what people assume feminism is that you can’t have even one or two female characters that aren’t bad ass action packed girls and that’s not really what it is. Basically there’s hardly any balance of female characters or even characters in general. They’re all about the same always crazy and pumped up characters or they’re too serious.

Louie is kinda not so much that but he also comes across as whiny especially since his actor is clearly a man doing a kid voice and more often than that I don’t mind it, but their voices for all triplets sorta grated on my nerves and even though I appreciate making the triplets different and having different voice actors, they still kinda sound the same and when they whine it actually hurts my ears. If you don’t have child actors, maybe settle for a woman doing a kid voice. Least even when it’s sorta noticeable it’s not as annoying and yeah I get it. The voices of the old triplets were annoying too but least they sounded their age. I always felt like their voices in the reboot sounded like a man getting strangled whenever they shouted.

Than you have Gyro in the 2017 reboot. They took what used to be this humble, shy friendly male character and turned him into a hipster jerk! I mean come on! Look at his get up! The moment someone sees him they’re gonna know the show was done in the late 2010s. He’s not settle in that appearance and his attitude. He’s so full of himself too! I absolutely HATED that! He’s not even like how Darkwing was full of himself, where he was full of himself but because it was sorta childish full of himself, he came out as charismatic! 2017 Gyro is just...Stuck up, jerk full of himself. I mean, yes he has his kinder moments sometimes but if you’re gonna do strong, action packed female leads, why not make some of the male leads have a humble, shy side? You could go Flora with him and made him sweet and nurturing but still very brilliant. That’s what Gyro was! And I know they wanted to change him up but they didn’t change Scrooge all that much, so I don’t see why they couldn’t have kept Gyro the way he was!

What made the old DT good and even timeless was the fact most of the characters were more humble, the show had a humble feel and I get that the new series characters can be too but the thing is they CAN be, but not most of the time. It’s not their complete nature and yeah that makes them seem rounded in some ways but it also can take away what made the old show welcoming.

And again, I feel like the show is trying to be a bit too action packed and not enough of the adventure or mystery. It seems like the characters are always on edge and ready for anything and again maybe trying to be too much like what Darkwing was instead of more of it’s own thing. Though, again, this is just my opinion and maybe I’m just trying to explain more of the feeling of why I can’t get into it as much as others do and I’m not a nostalgia purest either! I really do try to be open minded with new things! I do even like some of the Disney remakes even if they’re not perfect or no way close to the original. Shoot, another reason that could be is while I did like the original DT, I wouldn’t say I was a die hard fan of it either. In some ways, I think even the original DT can be overrated and wish other shows of the old days got more attention.

Color pallet and art style is okay. I kinda miss the more colorful pallets they used but by no means is awful. It goes make the colors they want to pop out do pop out so it does it’s job. I just think it could have a bit more brighter colors.

Now does that mean I hate DT 2017? No! Far from it! As much as I complain about certain aspects of the show, there’s a lot to enjoy too and even the aspects I don’t like about the reboot, I can understand and get why others may like it. I can admit when something just simply doesn’t do it for me but by no means makes it awful. I do really like Della Duck, despite being another crazy tomboy! She kinda reminds me of me in some ways except for the fact I’m not adventurous in that way and I hate traveling due to anxiety.

I think why I like her the most instead of the other female leads is just she feels more genuine to me. I feel like with characters like say Webby or some of the other female leads, they were like “See! We got a crazy tomboy gal! We’re going against the gender norm!” and focus too much of that and not enough of just making a female strong lead for just simply making a good character.

With Webby, I felt like they were trying too hard to go against the gender norm. Like “Look, she’s totally not the old Webby so you gotta like her! She’s smart, she’s over the top and total geek!” Which, with her I found kinda cheesy and almost fake. I know that’s kinda harsh to say and I kinda feel bad saying it, cuz I know people like this version and I don’t hate the character, I just couldn’t get into her character and again, it felt like they made her the way she did because of the SJW appeal and not out of honesty.

(Note: I’m not entirely against SJW since I do agree with some stuff, but I’m not completely for them either. Put it short, I put myself in between AntiSJW and SJW as I always believe in being more balance especially when it comes to certain topics, thus being fair to both point of views.)

While with Della it felt they just honestly wanted to make her a good character and really funny too! I also like the fact she’s an adult and admits to her mistakes and tries to do better. That’s how you make a strong, GOOD female lead.

(Disney, take freakin note when doing your live action remake female leads! Lookin at you Mulan 2019!)

And lastly, the stuff with Darkwing Duck, YES! I loved it! Anytime they do something that had to do with Darkwing Duck I was down for! I felt like I did when I was watching Darkwing Duck back in the old days! Took me back to my childhood days! I even started to like the new Gosalyn! Like I was with everyone else and wasn’t sure if I liked it but she really grew on me! I really do like her and I’m all for the new remake of the show if it starred these characters!

And I think that’s why I felt this sort of action pack and kind of edginess with the characters fit more with Darkwing Duck than it does with Ducktales. When they did Darkwing Duck it’s fine because Darkwing was about that. With Ducktales, it’s okay but it also feels a bit out of place for me anyway, cuz I always associated the old show with adventure with more humble characters.

So how would I even rate Ducktales. I would probably rate it around a 6 or 7 out of 10 stars, if I had to rate the show at all. It’s not bad and the stuff I don’t like really has to do with more of a personal opinion, rather than something I find wrong with the show. I do recommend seeing it at least a few episodes before drawing a personal opinion and if you have kids that like action and adventure, I know for sure they will get into it.

#darkwing duck #ducktales #ducktails 2017 #ducktails reboot #Disney

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404fmdhaon · 4 years ago

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aesthetic & headcanon — re[gone] analysis of each song

summary: re[gone] is the title of haon’s first full-length album. each song becomes something personal that dives into gyujeong’s own versions of freud’s theory. id becomes the ‘i’m so sad, boohoo.’ sad boy hours. ego becomes ‘life’s whatever’. and superego becomes ‘hahaha im on top of the world, fuck you all.’ rebellion, sadness — he calls it a mix of what the past decade’s been. elaboration on the songs below. (yes i know that’s not correct freudian psychology, but im saying it’s how gyu separates the songs into threes). warnings: none wc: 1569

middle fingers up

middle fingers up is the opener of the album and falls into the big ‘fuck you against the world’ type deal. it’s almost cheery in nature if you just listen to the beat, but the lyrics dig a lot deeper into how gyu feels as an idol.

he doesn’t have many friends to begin with, but that doesn’t stop people from approaching him and wanting to be “friends” which he just sees as a business transaction. because for the most part, he’s kept to himself. yet, doesn’t see why that would make people want to be his friend aside from the ‘he’s in knight’ factor

so it’s his fuck you song where he tells people to shove it. eat it. because in the end, what he’s left with is that ‘i don’t need you’ attitude. i’d see it more as a defense mechanism because he just doesn’t want to let people in? so he puts on this fake bravado of i don’t need you.

artist

artist is what he calls the thing between ‘i’m on top of the world’ and ‘life’s whatever.’ this song was written with his friend, and mentioned before in past headcanons it was meant to give his npc friend more clout so that his friend could make a living from music

it’s a fun song, a very serious juxtaposition of very different sounds. as a result, at first listen it’s not that good to the ears when you hear it without the lyrics / vocals.

this was the song that was finished the fastest in the span of one night? and after performing it many times on shows, it’s just not his favorite to perform. the styling was not his forte either as bc put this weird outfit that just seemed to not fit with what he envisioned

but he will say, the royalties his friends are getting makes him proud.

omen

omen is another ‘fuck you’ song to the world. it’s meant to be a response to everyone in the underground community who has looked down upon him for being an idol rapper

it’s saying that they’re the ones complaining about him, yet the ones that are trying to be like him. this goes in his top three from this album, and one he begged bc to let him release because at first bc was like ‘idk.. it kinda doesn’t sound as bc as we want.’

however, the result of this song made the underground rappers he was targeting release a diss track? and though he wants to respond to it, it seems unlikely seeing as how he’s still an idol

this one does not get accepted well by knight’s fan base but does drive attention from the underground children

phone ft. jiah

originally, gyu didn’t have anyone in mind for the feature. just knew he wanted a feature, so when the song was given to bc to analyze — they decided to push the “bc family image” between him and jiah (natural blonde line holla). as a result, jiah became the feature

though gyu wouldn’t admit, the song does become better because of jiah’s vocals.

it’s a story written in the lyrics, autobiography? not really, well kind of. there’s bits and traces of his own life inside the song where discussions about a fight / lapse of communication of the girl picking fights because she hasn’t figured herself out

that frustration? he’s felt it many times in the past with his first love, and that in turn made this song — though, he no longer harbors those frustrated feelings towards her anymore. he just misses her.

let’s not love anymore

this is a more singing rap song, as he wanted to involve as many genres as he could in one album. mainly because it was a hail mary, and he didn’t know when his next opportunity would be?

the singing rap fit this song well enough, and it becomes a song where he highlights the hopeless romantic in him? he fell for someone who used to be a close friend, and the song was written during the “some” phase, where they were in limbo to the point they didn’t know what they were or a will-they or wont-they dynamic

explains the concept of ‘why we should not be in love’. and mini-memoirs of things he’d do while he was falling into place. though the person and him ended up badly to the point where they don’t talk anymore, gyu still enjoys the song because it teaches him to 1) never act upon feelings and 2) stop writing sad love songs.

take care of you

i’m going to keep this short and simple that this song is the most personal one on his album. the song he loves the most, yet hurts the most to sing. as a result, he doesn’t want to touch it but instead it was released for the person whom it was written about to hear.

the mv was low budget via bc. (gyu doesn’t care. just wants her to hear it).

beautiful

beautiful is another on the sad love song train list, only it’s not so sad. in retrospect, he finds it sad? because he was a lovelorn schmuck when he wrote it — that feeling of love he hasn’t experienced again. and that in turn causes him to cling on?

the piano use is frequent in a majority of the songs but i think it’s most prevalent in this track mainly because it dealt with parts of his past where the person whom it was written about knew about his family ties and he ties starting music to her.

fun fact: this is the song that suddenly makes fans all ‘look at how romantic haon is.’ and leads to some speculation as to who the girl is (newsflash: it’s not an idol — but his fans don’t know that)

aslyum

very similar to omen — it has a nice singing portion to the chorus which gyujeong wanted to keep for fluidity of the songs.

however, despite the easy listening it becomes a song more towards omen and the ‘fuck you all’. only this time it’s a response to when people in the underground community ask if it’s nice living life at the top

idol life isn’t all what it is, and hence how the song came about. wanted to express that life at top is lonely, and that people should not judge based on what’s flashed on tv. however, he doesn’t bet anyone got that since most fans skip over the song (for what he’s been told).

downtown baby

maybe it was all a dream? but this song was inspired by his one night stand in berlin. he basically never indulges in those but there was something enticing about the woman, reminded him of a girl from his past.

she spurred a week long escapade? where he thought it was in love. but it started as quickly as it ended, and he lost contact with her altogether. in reality, he still debates whether it was a dream, vivid and full or whether it was real. wonders how she does time to time.

the charming point of the song is the easy singalong, and the addicting hook? which he didn’t intend on making that way, but it fell that way when he found himself singing the songs long after recording.

he’d give this song a personal 7/10. high-mid range on his album, but bc loves the outcome bc 1) it feeds into knight bad boy image and 2) it does well

meteor

once again this was done with an npc friend in the underground scene. gyujeong wanted something triumphant, and it’s embarrassing but he used to listen to one republic a lot as a kid in boarding school. fell upon their music, and that subconsciously inspired the general beat of the song

the song becomes his ode to how far he’s come, and how the difficulty of an uphill battle lead him here. it’s starts off showing off his material goods and throwing a huge party in the mv, but in the end what becomes is his declaration that he’s the meteor that will break the world

high self-esteem in this song, but it��s really not real. he just felt in that moment weightless because he was with good company, and the vibes were good

the best part about this song is that his friend saved up enough money to buy a car and start producing for other big names. and gyujeong gains secondhand satisfaction from that

superstar

meteor was the come up, superstar was the come down back to reality. superstar talks also about a lot of material goods — people always talk about the money knight makes and how nice it must be to live large, etc.

however, gyujeong combats these stereotypes talking about how it’s nice yeah — and he’s this bigshot doing all these things. yet, there’s a cry out for help.

in retrospect, this is his cry for help where he wants someone. anyone to listen. because the more fame dwells upon him, the more pressures become heightened and he feels more isolated from the world around him

he acknowledges his position and his privilege but still finds life lonely — another song making him wonder if people got the actual meaning of the song.

this also makes his top three on his album.

#머리속에 — 생각 #뀨뀨 — queue

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adozentothedawn · 5 years ago

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This has been on my mind for a while and since I’m once again in this weird limbo of wanting to write yet also not wanting to, I finally did it for watcher wednesday. :)

@orime-stories, @brightoncemore, you up for it? Everyone else is invited as well of course. Specifically priest watchers would be interesting I think, because they logically tend to have the most opinions about the gods, but of course you’re welcome to use any kind of watcher you feel would be interesting. :)

What does the Watcher (Favaen) think about the gods?

1. Abydon: Besides Eothas, Abydon is certainly Favaen’s favourite. Before finding her place in the Eothas clergy, she spent a few years as an acolyte of Abydon and has some experience blacksmithing. She appreciates his straightforwardness and his earnest representation of his portfolio. He stands for doing things yourself with hard work instead of shoving the work on someone or complaining about it, which is something Favaen can support.

2. Berath: Berath is neutral ground for Favaen, as they should be in her opinion. Death is a fact, nothing to be worshipped or cursed, just a necessity. What comes after is what’s important. Berath has to exist as a mediator, and they do their job well. Of all the gods, Berath is the one Favaen can interact with the most naturally. They are a respected superior of sorts, but not someone to be worshipped.

3. Eothas: Eothas is a lot of things for Favaen, the hope that everything can be made better, the assurance that you can redeem yourself however many attempts you need, but also home. He is the star she uses to orient herself, while she is the lantern other people follow. He is the unobtainable perfection she strives after, but knows she will never reach, which is why she doesn’t believe in just blind following. No mortal can reach the actual star, and sometimes there are obstacles in your way, so you have to find your own path as close to the star as you can, even if that sometimes means taking detours. Eothas is the destination, the light guiding the way, but not necessarily the way itself. She regrets the events of the Saint’s War but trusts that he knew what he was doing. The destruction of Caed Nua hits closer, but her absolute love for Eothas is so ingrained in her being that even through her conflicting feelings she cannot let go of the hope that his cause is worth all suffering on the way.

4. Galawain: Favaen considers Galawain a joke. A dangerous one, but a joke nonetheless. With his one minded pursuit of, well, pursuit, without actual care for his followers, she deems him hardly worthy of the title “god”, much less “the changeling god”. She particularly despises his hypocrisy of demanding constant improvement and strife from his followers yet feeling threatened by actually being challenged.

5. Hylea: Hylea has always been an ally of Eothas, and as such deserves a certain amount of reverence in Favaen’s opinion. Especially the birth aspect of her portfolio is an important and valued aspect of hers in the Eothas clergy and therefore for Favaen. She also appreciates Hylea’s support of the arts but is a bit weirded out by the bird aspect.

6. Magran: Favaen has a sort of begrudging respect for Magran. As much she despises Magran’s attitude to suffering, at least Magran sticks to her guns and has an actual motivation. Favaen highly disapproves of said motivations and of course there is the issue of Magran murdering her god, but even so Favaen can admit, painfully, that Magran does mean well, in her own fucked up way.

7. Ondra: Like with Magran Favaen can recognize that Ondra does have some good intentions, but Ondra annoys her more on a personal level with her refusal to even consider learning from the past. Her tendency to cover up uncomfortable truths, especially at the cost of Abydon, makes it even harder for Favaen to respect her.

8. Rymrgand: There is no god that pisses Favaen off more than Rymrgand. Even Galawain has at least some vague thing that he does, but Rymrgand’s only contribution to the world is him lazing around in some corner being an asshole to everyone who actually tries to better the world. He doesn’t even pursue his own goal and forbids his own followers from assisting his cause, which is his greatest crime in Favaen’s book. He claims something, sets an expectation, and then makes it a crime to reach for it, leaving everyone who places their trust in him in an endless spiral of misery. And the greatest insult for Favaen is that he is entirely aware of the suffering he causes and doesn’t care at all. He doesn’t even enjoy it like Skaen does, he does it exclusively because he deems it “in his nature”, which is about as far away from Favaen’s believes as you can get.

9. Skaen: Skaen is a special case, because as much as Favaen despises his methods, she understands his reasoning. Since even she can realize that attempting to convert a god is bound to be met with failure, she aims for the misguided souls following him and strives to better their lives and turn them towards more productive endeavours, such as, though not limited to, the faith of Eothas. For Skaen she holds less hatred and more frustrated pity than for Rymrgand.

10. Wael: Wael is a fascination for Favaen. She would never trust them with anything important, but there is something about their childlike joy that makes it impossible for Favaen to truly take offense at their carelessness. For Favaen Wael is a delightful distraction every once in a while. The fact that Wael isn’t one to hold grudges and is in general one of the more forgiving, or at least distractible, gods is certainly helpful as well.

11. Woedica: Favaen, unsurprisingly, does not like Woedica. In a way that also comes from a place of jealousy, though she would never admit that. The art of talking anyone into anything without the need of bloodshed is a talent that she considers horribly wasted on Woedica’s selfish ambitions. Woedica’s hypocrisy is what really makes Favaen despise her. Justice isn’t a concept Favaen is terribly wild about in first place, as it often gets in the way of the far more important process of true redemption, but Woedica’s appropriation of the notion just makes Favaen loath her even more. Berath makes a much better leader in her opinion.

#Pillars of Eternity #watcher wednesday #asks and tags #Watcher Favaen

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safetypinkerton · 4 years ago

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Hollywood Propaganda by Mark Dice

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/hollywood-propaganda-mark-dice/1137833508

Christianity Under Attack

In order to destroy America, the conspirators are determined to eradicate faith in God and dismantle organized Christianity. Attacking Jesus and Christianity is a sacrament in Hollywood because the far-Left hates Jesus and everything He stands for. It’s not an overstatement to say that many in key positions of power in the entertainment industry (and politics) are Satanists who will someday openly embrace Lucifer as the rebel angel kicked out of Heaven for defying God.

“I’m glad the Jews killed Christ,” ranted comedian Sarah Silverman in one of her comedy specials. “Good. I’d fucking do it again!” she declares, as her audience agrees in laughter.158 While accepting an Emmy Award one year Kathy Griffin said, “A lot of people come up here and they thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus. He didn’t help me a bit…so all I can say is suck it Jesus! This award is my god now!”159

I’m not saying people shouldn’t be able to make fun of Christians, but no mainstream celebrity would dare make such insults or jokes about Muhammad because Muslims (and Jews) are vigorously protected against any criticism or mockery and only wonderful things can be said about them. Even a slightly edgy joke ignites a barrage of attacks with cries of “Islamophobia” or “anti-Semitism” and gears start moving in the well-funded and massive smear machines like the ADL and the SPLC which quickly move to destroy the person’s career before they can utter another word.

Hating Christians is almost as necessary as believing in climate change if you’re going to be a mainstream Hollywood celebrity. There are very few open Christians in Hollywood, most of them are has-beens like Kevin Sorbo and Kirk Cameron who have been basically blacklisted since being open about their faith.

Kevin Sorbo was banned from Comicon because he’s a conservative and “pals with Sean Hannity.”160 He and other Christian actors are stuck doing low budget films that get little attention. They’re allowed to exist (for now) as long as they never point out the Bible’s teachings on homosexuality. Only watered down and generic Christian messages are allowed to be said.

After Guardians of the Galaxy star Chris Pratt appeared on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert and happened to discuss his “spirituality,” many online began attacking him for being a Christian and attending a church. Actress Ellen Page (a lesbian) from the X-Men and Inception tweeted, “If you are a famous actor and you belong to an organization that hates a certain group of people, don’t be surprised if someone simply wonders why it’s not addressed. Being anti LGBTQ is wrong, there aren’t two sides. The damage it causes is severe. Full stop.”161

Singer Ellie Goulding threatened to back out of her scheduled performance at the 2019 Thanksgiving NFL halftime show if the Salvation Army didn’t pledge to donate money to LGBT causes. She got the idea after her Instagram comments were flooded with complaints from her fans because the Salvation Army was sponsoring the game to announce their annual Red Kettle Campaign (bell ringers) fundraiser for the homeless.162 Since the Salvation Army is a Christian charity, Goulding’s fans freaked out, accusing them of being “homophobic” and “transphobic.”

They quickly bowed to the pressure and “disavowed” any anti-LGBT beliefs, which basically means they’re disavowing the Bible because even the New Testament denounces homosexuality in Romans 1:26-27 and 1st Corinthians 6:9-10. Many critics claim that only the Old Testament does, but the Book of Romans makes it clear that just because Jesus came to offer salvation doesn’t mean God’s law regarding homosexuality changed.

The Salvation Army also removed a “position statement” from their website that had made it clear “Scripture forbids sexual intimacy between members of the same sex,” and replaced it with one saying “We embrace people regardless of race, gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, or gender identity.”163 One of the world’s largest Christian charities whose very name “The Salvation Army” refers to the salvation of Christ, cowardly bowed down to the Leftist activists out of fear they would be branded “homophobic.”

Christians are easy targets since they’re much more passive than Jews and Muslims when attacked, and Hollywood loves to stereotype them as a bunch of superstitious bigots who don’t know how to have fun. In the rare case that there is a movie favorable to Christianity that gets widespread distribution, that too is attacked.

Passion of the Christ was deemed “anti-Semitic” because it depicts the story of Jesus’ arrest, sham trial, and crucifixion.164 It was the most popular film about the events to be made and wasn’t a straight to DVD release like most others. With Mel Gibson behind it, the film became a huge success, which caused a tremendous backlash.

The ADL [Anti-Defamation League] denounced the film, saying it “continues its unambiguous portrayal of Jews as being responsible for the death of Jesus. There is no question in this film about who is responsible. At every single opportunity, Mr. Gibson’s film reinforces the notion that the Jewish authorities and the Jewish mob are the ones ultimately responsible for the Crucifixion.”165 That’s because that’s what happened!

Technically, the Romans did it, but at the behest of the Jewish leadership in Jerusalem at the time. The Bible makes it very clear what led to Jesus being crucified. Pontius Pilate is quoted in Matthew 27:24 saying, “I am innocent of this man’s blood,” and “It is your responsibility!” meaning the Jewish Pharisees. They were the ones who conspired to have Jesus arrested and killed for “blasphemy” and being a “false” messiah. Pontius Pilate even offered to release Jesus, but the crowd demanded he release Barabbas instead, another man who was being detained for insurrection against Rome, and for murder.166

A critic for the New York Daily News called The Passion of the Christ, “the most virulently anti-Semitic movie made since the German propaganda films of the Second World War.”167 Many others angrily denounced the film when it came out in 2004. Some in the media even blamed it for a supposed “upsurge” in anti-Semitic hate crimes.168

When the History Channel miniseries The Bible was released in 2013, the same cries of “anti-Semitism” rang out.169 The New York Times opinion editor Bari Weiss went so far as to say that it’s a “conspiracy theory” that Jews killed Jesus.170

Even though most Christmas movies aren’t overtly Christian and instead focus of the importance of families reuniting and spending time together, that doesn’t mean they’re not going to come under attack. As the war on western culture continues, the Marxists have set their sights on Christmas too.

Online liberal cesspool Salon.com ran a headline reading “Hallmark movies are fascist propaganda,” and complained they promote “heteronormative whiteness” because there aren’t enough LGBT characters or people of color in them.171

“Hallmark movies, with their emphasis on returning home and the pleasures of the small, domestic life, also send a not-at-all subtle signal of disdain for cosmopolitanism and curiosity about the larger world,” Salon said, “which is exactly the sort of attitude that helps breed the kind of defensive White nationalism that we see growing in strength in the Donald Trump era.”172

The article went on to say that because the Hallmark Channel airs so many Christmas movies, it is promoting, “a set of patriarchal and authoritarian values that are more about White evangelicals defining themselves as an ethnic group, and not about a genuine feeling of spirituality…The very fact that they’re presented as harmless fluff makes it all the more insidious, the way they work to enforce very narrow, White, heteronormative, sexist, provincial ideas of what constitutes ‘normal.’”173

The article wasn’t satire. Salon.com has a deep-seated hatred of Christianity, conservatives and families, and is another cog in the Cultural Marxist machine working to destroy the United States.

Comedian Whitney Cummings was reported to the Human Resources department of a major Hollywood studio after she wished the crew of a TV show she was working on “Merry Christmas” when they wrapped up for the year. She made the revelation while speaking with Conan O’Brian the following December. “Last year, I was working on a TV show, [and] got in trouble with Human Resources for saying ‘Merry Christmas’ to an intern,” she began.174

Conan asked her if she was being serious and she said it was a true story, elaborating, “I was leaving, like on the 18th or whatever…and I was like, ‘Bye guys, Merry Christmas.’” When she returned from vacation after New Year’s she was called to HR and scolded. She joked, “I don’t even care how your Christmas was. It was just a formality. It’s what you say when you leave.”175

Conan O’Brien then replied, “In these times we’re in, that could trigger someone or offend them if it’s not their holiday.”176 She didn’t say which network it was, but she’s been involved with some major shows like NBC’s Whitney (where she played the main character), as well as the CBS sitcom 2 Broke Girls, which she created and was a writer for.

While today it may seem impossible that Christmas movies may become a thing of the past, nobody could have ever guessed that reruns of the classic Dukes of Hazzard would get banned after the Confederate flag was deemed a “hate symbol” in 2015, or that Aunt Jemima pancake syrup, Eskimo Pie ice cream bars, and Uncle Ben’s Rice would be deemed “racially insensitive” and pulled from production a few years later.177

Once someone reminds liberals that the word Christmas is derived from Christ’s Mass and that it is actually a commemoration of the birth of Jesus, they may finally go over the edge and deem Christmas just as offensive as Columbus Day or the Fourth of July. And with the Muslim and Sikh populations increasing in the United States, the American standard of Christmas music playing in shopping malls and retail stores all month long every December may one day come to an end because it’s not “inclusive” and leaves non-Christians feeling “ostracized.”

#hollywoodpropaganda

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redglassesgirl-maruma · 5 years ago

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Live reaction/post to the new Drama CD

I decided to listen to it and live-write in a post with whatever I’m thinking XD

For the ones who want the general summary of this new CD, here’s marumafan post. You can get a good idea of everything that happens in it from the summary alone and skip this post if you’re not interested, there’s nothing new and I don’t have the japanese level to explain anything, I’m just doing this for entertainment purposes ^^

Aw, I missed the voice actors, they’re great as always <3 I understand like 20% or less of what I hear but it doesn’t matter haha.

That first reference they do is killing me, I strongly believe the “hot limit/revolution” thing Yuuri says about Wolfram’s costume is related to TM Revolution’s song Hot Limit, a video that was very sexy for his time and the costume the singer is wearing resembles the designs for this Halloween CD. Video here in youtube, I feel so old watching it again xD The dictionary Wolf’s using is making things worse but I love it, I hope they keep it as a running gag.

Anissina’s costume is super sexy, and now I see her voice in the CD is pretty sexy too. The whip and all, dominatrix style like Cherie. And I’m dying with Wolf crying and talking about Günter’s fate hahaha, so dramatic. He rolls back pretty quickly to “Sorry Günter, I’ll save myself” haha, same as previous CDs where he wouldn’t even sacrifice for Gwen. Hahaha they drop the CD name so casually, like “ah, here I have to say the title...” xD I love these funny details when they break the wall.

Oh man I couldn’t recognize Conrart’s voice at first, until he calls Gwen aniue I was wondering who was this. I had to go back here and listen to their scene again. Aw so cute when Conrart says daisukidayo to him, loved that. Specially because I always remember from the special The Maidmer Princess and I and the way Conrart thinks about Gwen there, so cold and distant, like they’re not even friends. I would like it so much if they maintain this development where they’re all close.

Ahhh, my Jozak xD I love to hear his voice, and he’s arriving with Mura. The “gaooo” Mura does is so cute, Gwen I feel you hahaha. The changes in Jozak voice are always amazing, the voice actor is so versatile, but Anissina in the first part also impressed me with her voice acting. Mura always breaking the 4th wall, that’s his thing . I’m sad I don’t understand some parts I was interested in detail from the summary haha, my second OTP being Jozak and Mura wants me to understand more moreeee.

Poor Gwen being whipped, but he seems to be enjoying it? XD so M, your Excellency. Jozak calling her Anissina-chan, he’s the only one that dares, hearing him is great.

Hahahhaa, the censored word Anissina is saying makes everyone loose their mind. And she keeps repeating and repeating, this part is hilarious. Excuse me, what did you say girl? XD

So, in this part in the summary she’s basically saying “pussy juice” and I just can’t when Yuuri ends up drinking the morning dew (aka the juice) and faints. Boy so gay he can’t stand anything related XDDDDDDD And he’ll end dreaming sad things, but also being married to a guy with an adopted daughter and enjoying his happy gay family hahaha. There’s so much to analyze about Yuuri here but it’s also very self explanatory.

Anissina goes from sexy queen to a lolicon voice in a split of a second, calling Yuuri-kun and all in a childish singing voice. Hhahaha, when Yuuri drinks the juice, Wolf screams “Yuuuuuuri” (Nooo, don’t go to the dark side of heterosexuality! xDDDDD Can’t help it).

So, now Anissina is just a chibi or something, her voice is 1000% loli. I applaud this woman with that range of voices and that control. We have the best seiyuus and I’m so glad. Everyone has been amazing so far, not just her, but I’m just impressed hearing Ani for so long this time.

Now the dream is happening. Gwen really sounds calm and happy, I’m so glad. I can’t say much about this part because I don’t understand much of what they’re saying, now Jozak is at his bar and all. Same as Apollo but hearing it makes me feel way less depressed than the written version. The Apollo ending made me so sad, so I don’t re-read it as other specials and parts of the novels. I think now Jozak is complaining no one comes to visit him and yeah, that’s sad. Yuuri is not having a good time, every time he steps in and out of some sort of room while seeing these dreams he’s like living a nightmare. Chibi Anissina is there to guide him trough the changes.

It’s Conrart part now. Well, it starts cheerful, then romantic and then they end things very badly. A roller coaster that I’m not a fan of, specially because I don’t like this ending for Conrart, I think he deserves better than “repenting” alone and nothing else. Like, let the man be happy for once. Yuuri’s even punching his clothes or something, and Conrart drops a sayonara there, so cold man so cold.

Now is Wolf time! Yuuri summarizes everyone’s situation to Wolf very quickly and they sound super casual with a romantic jazz music as OST xDDD Then the music turns serious and kind of epic when they speak about Conrart and also Shin Makoku, the decision to come to Earth, it’s quite nice. Wolfram’s always wonderful when he’s prince like. The wife/husband discussion again hahhaa, but so SO casual~ then they just talk about Greta with more slow music. So the topic about hey we’re newlyweds is very cute and super mega casual with no tsundere attitude at all.

They’re so married~ I can die happy now, this is enough for me specially because the dream is a about the actual future Yuuri shouldn’t have seen. It’s something that is actually true, and that’s sad because some characters endings could be better, but at the same time I’m so glad they’re fucking married, finally xDDDDD

And this ending just happens in two years, we can calculate thanks to Greta’s age, and I think Yuuri just said it to Anissina, that she’s 10 now and she was 12 in the dream/future. Now Mura calls by phone to wake him up, and Yuuri is sad about everything except Wolf and Greta. Now Yuuri must forget the spoilers xD Mura special powers/knowledge no one understand but are very convenient.

Yuuri wakes up, Murata says the prohibited word and the biiiip keeps being a great gag for me, with a 5 years old sense of humor. Jozak making Wolf calm down is great, let’s be zeeeeen. I think I understood Jozak said he likes Anissina because x and x reason. And now we go to another pairing, with Yuuri trying to remember the good part of the dream, but Wolf’s too excited and mad for his back and forth, some sort of hilarious discussion and misunderstanding I’m not getting XD

Something about Yuuri and Greta haha, and Wolf saying he’s not forgiving him. Nooo, the OST is the marriage song. Wolf’s voice when Yuuri actually explain they’re both dad and daddy, awn. The dictionary again haha, Wolfram keeps using it and making everything worse. Marriage fanfare again hah, but I don’t understand what’s happening here, there’s Jozak and Conrart commenting too. Then, something about Anissina torturing Gwen a lot aaaand... the end.

The rest of the CD is the freetalk with the seiyuus, and this is a challenge because even if I listened to it fully, I don’t get what they’re talking about. I’ll just leave this at a one time listening and go back to my favorite parts to listen again and again and practice my hearing skills xD

So, I really enjoyed this CD. My way of listening to it has been messy, a little bit here and there over an enteire week when I had the time and wasn’t dead tired. Slowly trying to understand but replaying and going back and forth. I have to listen to it again just in one go without stops, but I’ll not do the live writing again, it’s just pointless, once is more than enough!

#kkm #kyou kara maou #kyo kara maoh #maruma

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kagemajaya · 5 years ago

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Hidamari ga Kikoeru - Part 2: From iyashikei romance to conventional romantic drama

I Hear the Sunspot - 2013, Fumino Yuki - 7/10

Kouhei and Taichi being sad and alone under the rain

You can read the first part of this post here.

The healing has ended and now it’s time for some romantic drama tropes to take over. I will be quite harsh in the rest of this review and focus on the manga’s flaws, but bear in mind, this is because I loved this story and expected more out of it. It is of course still leagues ahead of many others of its kind.

With the second volume of Hidamari ga Kikoeru, we step into a territory that we haven’t been in yet: proper romance. That is not to say Koufuku-hen (vol.2) and Limit (vol.3) do not delve into other topics at hand, coming of age and disability, but they are now tools to give us more and more melodrama between our “established” couple. Kouhei and Taichi aren’t exactly going out at the beginning of Koufuku-hen, but all intentions are there and we know why we are getting these sequels: the boys will need to get together.

Koufuku-hen introduces the first two obstacles to our boys’ soft romance: an entitled rival and worries about future occupation, classic go-to’s in any elementary romance story. (For an almost exhaustive catalogue of what drama a simple first love story should include, check out Doukyuusei, it does it well and without pretense.)

Maya, the rival to Taichi, is a total bitch. Whether her disability is supposed to make her sympathetic, I don’t know, but she is the sort of character I can’t stand in any story. Actually stopping Taichi, someone she’s just met, from meeting Kouhei, and Kouhei and Taichi both allowing her that power is lazy narrative. Where does she get that power? Why is it okay for her to be mean to Taichi? And why is Taichi a pushover? Is that what being nice means? Certainly not in my dictionary. And certainly not by the standards of what we’ve seen from Taichi so far. He’s been quite defensive and protective against mean people - does Maya being a girl make it okay? Is it because she hangs out with Kouhei? None of these reasons work for me. As the story continues into Limit, she mellows out a bit, and even reluctantly helps Taichi. Unfortunately, this was nowhere near enough to redeem her character for me. As a tool to further the boys’ relationship, she was rudimentary. If we look at her as her own character, Fumino certainly gives her character development and her own plotline, neither of which are things she gave me a reason to care about. Maya was in the end Strike One towards a suffocating, trite melodrama that Fumino did so well keeping away from in volume 1.

Aren’t you the one who acts like that Miss Prejudice?

Strike Two is future worries. Now as a topic for a 19 year old who has no idea what he’s doing with life, it makes total sense. When we come to its execution however, I have huge problems. Taichi quits university because now he knows what he wants to do with his life: help Kouhei with his hearing problems. In essence, both his wish to work with the hearing disability community and Kouhei’s reaction of feeling like a burden to Taichi are realistic, and could have been explored much like Kouhei’s original issue was explored in volume 1- quietly, without melodrama, with respite. Instead, what we get is, lack of communication and many many misinterpretations of each other’s feelings, not seeing each other for ages (and the normalization of that - two adults in a relationship not having time to see each other is bullshit, also propagated across many manga as if it could be real.) and once again, we are drowning in the sad feelings of youngsters who feel they are just not loved.

Of course, the work environment itself, which we get into more in Limit, carries the melodrama a million steps further. Taichi’s colleagues are generally nice people. The one that stands out the most is his de facto boss Chiba-san. He is the tough love type who teaches well and cares about you in his own grumpy way. Taichi of course loves to complain about him - which leads to Kouhei being jealous. And of course that’s not enough, whilst he is being jealous, but also feeling like a burden to Taichi cause he changed his future plans for him, he also decides to stay away from him, and be friends with another character who can’t hear, Ryuu, who is both vehemently against deaf people being with hearing people, and also - a shocking twist of fate - turns out to be Chiba-san’s little brother. With his venom, he convinces Kouhei that he can’t be with Taichi forever, and that he doesn’t need to get better hearing. I call it venom because before his own plotline is revealed, he comes across quite villainous. In fact, he is a sad, sensitive young man because he thinks he ruined his brother’s life, much like he makes Kouhei think he ruined Taichi’s life. The generalizations made and the entitlement to butt into other people’s life choices and the self-righteous attitude that comes with it bring us even more melodrama and suffocation. On the other hand, Chiba-san and Ryuu’s plotline is nicely resolved by the end, unlike Maya’s, it resonated with me as its own story. One reason for that could be that the only major female character we get ends up a part of the romantic plotline, and boy that is a turn off. Is that all girls are for? (Not saying Fumino-sensei is the sort to do this on purpose, but it is still quite boring to see it happen over and over again.)

Don’t fuck with a sensitive guy’s head dude...

In the end, rather than envisioning ways to execute these plotlines better, I ask myself the question - was this continuation necessary at all? Apart from turning all the earlier beautiful drama into a tool to create romantic melodrama, what did we achieve? I guess we did get Kouhei and Taichi together by the end, but the somewhat open ending of the first volume had already done a classy job in making me think they were going to get together. It is of course natural to want to see your favorites continue to be a part of your life, and that is how I had felt at first when Koufuku-hen had come out. However, this is another lesson in how carrying on with an already finished story is almost never a good idea. Koufuku-hen and Limit did not entirely fuck up Hidamari ga Kikoeru, but they were far from ideal. Rather than enjoying the journey, I looked forward to it finishing as I waddled through Kouhei and Taichi’s endless troubles.

The latter volumes get a 6 from me - a score I give to manga that I think are fine enough but I don’t want to read again. Surely, most of these flaws will get lost in the original sensitive choice and execution of the topic and will get ignored, branding Hidamari ga Kikoeru a master work. I’d like to reserve that epitaph for stories that carry that sensitiveness throughout. Maybe the solution is to regard these volumes as separate works, as I still love the original and will cherish it among my other favorites. Would also love to hear about your thoughts on these points - did you feel similarly as you read? Or did you only notice after reading this? Maybe you still loved the manga just as much as before? Either way, here’s hoping good stories aren’t dragged down by editor/reader pressures or a hunger for fame and money and we stop where they should.

A dramatic chase, a traffic accident scare and we’re there… take a chill pill Fumino-sensei and see you next time...

#hidamari ga kikoeru #i hear the sunspot #fumino yuki #bl manga #manga #manga rec #manga review #series review #bl rec #bl recs

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tommybaholland · 6 years ago

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Working Hard Or Hardly Working? | tom holland x reader

(beefcake bby image is not mine)

Summary: the one where you’re struggling with working on your body, but tom isn’t far behind

Word Count: 2.5K

Warnings: body image issues, swearing, the fluffiest shit ive written in a min

———————————

“3, 2, 1 REST…”

“Next up, spiderman plank!”

You groaned as the automated voice instructed you to assume the position. And yet, you proceeded to push through the exercise in hopes that one day, it would be easier. But for right now, you sigh and grunt through every tense muscle and that ache in your lower back.

Tom watched you from a few feet away as he was doing a cooldown run on the treadmill. He has to admit, he was a bit amused with your frustration at the gym. You both used to exercise together, but lately you’ve been preoccupied with this app that tells you what to do, and you do it. You had gotten a head start getting back to the gym after the premiere of Far From Home and downloaded it to help give you direction on what to do for what you wanted to work on. And for you, it was probably the best thing you did.

Also the fact that Tom is one of the most competitive people you’ve ever met.

That didn’t bother you, usually.

But he couldn’t help but notice your attitude at the gym has changed since the press tour ended. You’d been wanting to do your own routine more often, only offering to warm-up and sometimes cooldown routines with Tom. So he allowed you to do your own thing, and would on occasion tease you with,

“S’okay babe, you probably wouldn’t be able to handle my routine anyway,” while flexing his muscles, which you knew has become thicker and more defined since before Far From Home had begun shooting.

He honestly couldn’t complain though, watching you and that ass throw down some squats had never been better.

Other than you doing your own thing at the gym, you also seemed more aggressive with the workouts. When you and Tom first came to the gym together, you would just do some cardio on the elliptical or the treadmill and then finish with some yoga. But now you seem more committed and will do HIIT routine after routine and even lift weights some days as well.

He had also noticed your eating habits had changed drastically as well. He couldn’t remember the last time you had both eaten the same meal. In fact, he couldn’t even remember the last time you had eaten, in general. You just didn’t seem to want to enjoy the usual things you and him would indulge in lately. He minded wandered to last night, when you turned down a legendary pastime you and him would take part in from time to time.

“What kind of pizza should we order?”

“Oh, uh, I’m actually not that hungry.”

“What?” Tom questioned in disbelief. “You’re still drinking though, right?”

You shook your head. “No, sorry. I think I’m going to just have water.”

“You’re kidding, right? You love our beer and pizza nights,” Tom replied, in disbelief.

“You can still order it and we can still watch something!” You reiterated. “I’m just––taking a break from pizza and beer.”

Something seemed off to him. Normally, he just brushed it off, thinking that you missed being active and wanted to catch up. But your mood and behavior didn’t seem right to him.

Frankly, you didn’t look very happy.

You had finished your last exercise, and were left panting and dripping with sweat. You took a sip of water before getting a disinfectant wipe to wipe down your yoga mat. Tom stepped off the treadmill as you finished cleaning your mat, calling over to you.

“Ready to go soon, love?”

You nodded, still trying to catch your breath. Your heart was racing, and your muscles felt thoroughly worked, despite that you skipped some exercises or took more breaks during the hard ones.

As Tom was putting away some of the free weights he has used, you decided to weigh yourself on the scale in the gym. You took a deep breath before stepping on the scale, something you always did, calling it the “moment of truth.”

Standing up straight and sucking everything in, you looked down at the numbers to see your fate.

No change.

It wasn’t the worst thing in the world. You didn’t gain weight, but nothing had been lost either. You sighed, rubbing over your face and through your sweaty hair before stepping off and putting your shoes back on.

Grabbing your stuff, Tom rejoined you at the front of the gym, wrapping an arm around your shoulders to pull you into his side, placing a small kiss on your temple.

He quickly pulled his hand off of your arm, rubbing the excess moisture onto his shirt.

“You’re quite sweaty,” he chuckled. “A bit smelly, too.”

You gave him a small chuckle and smile, humoring him. But it wasn’t as big of a reaction as he normally would get from you.

The ride home was silent between the two of you. Tom posted on his insta story for the thousandth time about Far From Home while you sat in the seat adjacent to him, dealing with your own business.

Leaning your cheek on your hand that was propped up on the window by your elbow, you looked at the graph that the app had created with all the data points you had entered for your weight.

You tried to weigh yourself everyday, or almost every day, once reading somewhere that people who weigh themselves regularly have more motivation and therefore, lose more weight. You’d been committing yourself to working out everyday and trying to make healthier choices for about a month now and you would’ve thought you’d see a small difference in the numbers.

But the graph didn’t show that.

The trend was an absolute mess, with hills and plateaus everywhere. It was disappointing and frustrating to you. And it wasn’t just about looking good,

It was about feeling healthier about yourself.

It almost made you feel like you weren’t allowed to have that. Tom worked hard and trained enough to make his body “Spider-Man ready” but he was also naturally athletic. His body was practically made to look like that.

You, however, are soft and round with some strong build. It was just extremely hard to get that build to show.

Upon arriving back to Tom’s apartment, he went straight to the kitchen to make his usual post-workout protein shake, turning to you as you put your water bottle down on the counter.

“You want one, darling?”

“Uh, no thanks. I think I’m gonna go shower,” You could feel the redness still on your cheeks. “I feel gross.”

And it wasn’t just from the sweat.

Tom nodded, giving you a small smile before you turned and went into his room to grab a change of clothes before walking down the hall to the bathroom to shower.

Tom could sense that you wanted to be alone, deciding that he shouldn’t join you in the shower like he normally would do.

You took your sweet time getting clean, mainly focusing on how your body didn’t feel much different as you rubbed body wash over your skin.

One thing that you and Tom had in common was you both liked the idea of a challenge and would persevere through anything that stretched beyond your normal abilities. That’s why he loved being Spider-Man. He gets to show people what he can really do, even if it takes time, or 40 takes, to get there.

You’re the exact same way. You never really like repeating the same thing over and over again with work and want to show off your capabilities. Normally you would see this as a challenge and keep trying to see it through to your goal.

But lately just the thought of perseverance has been the real challenge.

You wanna just say ‘fuck it’. Some days, you just want to go to the gym and spend time with your boyfriend without being distracted by some app telling you what to do. Some days, you wanna eat all the pizza and drink all the beer you want while watching stupid late night movies with Tom.

Some days, you just want to give up.

And that’s how you’re feeling right now.

You knew Tom was catching on to your behavior, especially with eating. You felt ashamed when you had to decline the traditional things you would eat together and drag his spirits down with you. You had to admit, sometimes you would become jealous that he could eat whatever he wanted, and burn it off quickly without a change in his sculpted body.

It didn’t seem fair to you.

Getting out of the shower, feeling cleaner, you decided to hop on the scale one last time, completely naked. After taking your habitual ‘moment of truth’ deep breath, you stepped on and the result was the same.

“Fuck,” you swore under your breath. It was true.

You stepped off and proceeded to dress yourself with anger, not wanting to dry your hair.

Exiting the bathroom, you passed Tom, who was still in the kitchen, and walked over to the sectional couch where you took your usual corner spot. Tom eventually bumbled over, holding two glasses of a brown, thick liquid.

“I made you one anyway,” he voiced, handing you the fuller glass before sitting down next to you, his knees tucked up and turned towards you. “I figured you hadn’t eaten yet.”

Ugh, why did he have to be so good?

You returned a quiet ‘thanks’ as you accepted the glass. You didn’t take a sip but just stared down into it, the smell making your stomach yearn for a taste.

“It’s chocolate,” Tom pointed out, beaming with pride. “Your favorite.”

“....What time is it?” You asked in response.

“It’s,” Tom paused, checking his phone for the time. “10:10. Why?”

“I-I can’t eat until 11,” you remarked softly.

Tom’s expression contorted into confusion. “Well, that’s the point, babe,” he chuckled. “It’s a protein shake, you’re not eating it.”

You could hear the smile in his voice, wanting to roll your eyes playfully or do something that showed him you were amused. But you just kept your head down, letting out another sigh.

Tom’s tone changed as he saw you were serious and continued to not drink it.

“Aw, c’mon, love, please drink it. Can’t remember when you last had something to eat. And I know I would be starving after what you did at the gym today”

You hated making him feel responsible for your health. You knew you needed to eat, but you couldn’t bring yourself to tell him the whole truth.

“I just….want to feel fuller throughout the day,” you explained.

Tom nodded, shifting his own gaze down to his fingers, which were tapping the glass of his cup. He suddenly put his glass down on the coffee table in front of you, before moving closer next to you, placing a hand on your shoulder.

“Y/N….why can’t you eat until 11?” He asked earnestly.

You could feel the tears welling up in your eyes. That was like the equivalent of stressful things building up and you break down once someone asks ‘you okay?.’ You turned your face away from him for a second, trying to gather the words.

“I….don’t w-wanna gain weight and then regret everything tomorrow after I work my ass off at the gym and then don’t see the results,” you spat, the first tear beginning to fall.

“Aw, love,” Tom consoled, taking your glass from your hands to place it next to his on the table before moving slightly behind you so he could pull you into his arms, his chin resting on top of your head.

“What’s all this about? You know I think you’re beautiful,” he reminded you.

You sniffled, wiping your face before pulling away from him. “That’s the thing, Tom.”

“This isn’t about you. I mean, I want to look good for you but that’s not why a-and not to sound vain but...I know I’m pretty,” You rambled out, making yourself chuckle a bit.

He chuckled with you, reaching up to wipe away a tear, pushing a piece of your hair behind your ears before letting you continue.

“I know how you feel about me...and I’m glad you remind me but I just,” you paused for a moment, shifting your eyes from eyes, trying to find how to say it exactly.

“I just want to feel healthier,” you finally get out.

“I haven’t felt that way in….a while,” you admitted. “Especially when the movie premiered, I could just...feel myself going over the edge.”

More tears came to surface, you took a moment to breathe through them.

“And my body just isn’t like yours, I gain weight so easily! And working out everyday isn’t enough; I have to practically not eat anything to see any change in the numbers...right now I’ve been fluctuating back and forth...I just can’t seem to get out of this spot..I-I just,”

You broke down at that point, leaning back into his body as he comforted you, pulling you into his lap.

“It’s okay, baby. You’ve just worried me, ‘s all,” he admitted.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. Didn’t mean to make you worry,” you apologized as your tears subsided, resting your head on his shoulder. “But I’m putting in more effort than I can give and it leaves me exhausted everyday. I’m just….frustrated.”

“I’m sorry you’re having a rough time, love. It is hard,” Tom agrees. “But just remember that you’re your own toughest critic and I know you’re strong enough to overcome that. I, for one, think you look sexy as fuck,” he voiced, a hand squeezing your hip.

You chuckle a bit, sensing a similar situation. “I could say the same for you.”

“What do you mean?” Tom questions with a smirk.

You sit up again, leaning back into the cushion of the couch with his arm still around you.

“You’ve just openly talked about how you thought you looked better in the last Spider-Man than in this one so,” you shrugged.

Tom scoffs a laugh. “Yeah, but, that was different. I still look good, I just thought I looked better in Homecoming,” he clarifies.

“Okay, well, I, for one, think you look sexy as fuck anytime,” you emphasized, throwing his words back at him, while squeezing his thick bicep.

Tom tipped his head back, laughing before wrapping you in his arms again to squish you into a hug. Pulling away, he kissed your lips quickly before pulling away slightly, his nose brushing yours.

“Well, my point is, we can figure out what you need together. I’m glad that you’re trying to help improve on yourself but just know that I’m here to support you all the way.”

“Thanks, Tommy,” you giggled before placing your lips on his again, your hand going to the back of his neck while his pulled your waist closer.

“Starting with,” he spoke against your lips before pulling away and reaching over.

“Chugging this,” He held the drink he made for you in front of you, prompting you to finally drink it.

“Are you serious?” You laughed, raising your brows.

“YESSSSS,” he replied, singing loudly. “You’re gonna have to drink it if you wanna build that muscle,” he pointed out, squeezing your bicep, which had a little more loose skin on it than his did.

You sighed dramatically, taking the glass from his hands, looking down at the thick, brown liquid again.

“Weeeeeee like to drink with Y/N because Y/N is our mate—” Tom started sing-yelling again, this time belting out one of your infamous drinking songs.

“—Okay, okay” you shushed him, covering your hand over his mouth to silence him. “But if I puke, you’re gonna regret it.”

“And she gets it down in 8, 7, 6…”

Bitch.

A/N: im back bitcH. heres a lil surprise for everyone, i know its not GRIND but i want to thank everyone for being so patient with me while i was away! i wanted to start with something a lil smaller before i get back into GRIND but i have been writing for it and it’s coming, i promise. i thought of this idea this morning and wrote it today (fastest i’ve written in a while) and this ones pretty personal for me rn bc i have been struggling with trying to take care of my health and i thought it tied in well with toms comment about his physique in ffh. anyway, be patient with yourself and consistency will take care of you!!

xx. tommybaholland 🌺

i haven’t written in a minute pls tell me ur thoughts!

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