#not EVERYTHING is about stede and what izzy ‘did’ to stede sometimes a line is just a joke

[who-the-fuck-knows-blog]

giggling bc its so fucking silly to me to have everything ed says to izzy be about stede. even lines about ed and izzys relationship are now about stede. everything ed does to izzy is about stede. these two dont have a relationship outside of stede and didnt know eachother before stede or anything like that i guess!

[sherl-grey]

dangerous words I fear but I’m craving some OFMD critical but civil discourse… s2 finale spoilers included below the cut. this is incredibly long FYI bc I’m truly desperate to get all my thoughts out

I want to preface by saying I loved S2. I think I loved it more than s1, I think there were some absolute GENIUS moments this season (the entire Calypso episode was *chef’s kiss* my favorite), and I think the cast, crew, and DJ deserve a lot of love and, of course, a renewal for another season.

I know there’s been a lot of anti-finale-critiquing posts out there (and yeah, I also don’t want to see baseless hate or, god forbid, people trying to interact with the cast/crew with anything less than love and respect) but personally, I think the biggest sign that I love a show is me wanting to pick it apart. I think digging into the writing and decision-making and characters of a show means you really appreciate the choices that were made even if you don’t agree with them, because you’re working to understand the story on a level most people only dive to if they’re forced to in an English class. No story is going to be perfect. No story is going to be written specifically for me unless it’s literally by me. But sometimes I still want to study it like a bug under a microscope, you know?

So here we go: I didn’t like the finale, and I didn’t think it fit very well with the rest of the season/show. Weirdly enough I didn’t feel a need to discuss online until I started reading the interviews DJ has been giving about the finale (specifically the choice to kill Izzy and Ed/Stede’s ending) and I’m so curious as to whether others interpreted things the same way. (Yes, they’re DJ’s characters. No, I don’t think all viewers are obligated to interpret things the same way as writers did—that’s half the beauty of storytelling and media consumption.)

Izzy’s Death

Let’s unpack the big one first. I think a lot of what DJ/finale defenders (if I may respectfully call fans who enjoyed s2e8 that) have mentioned is that Izzy’s arc was over and he’d served his narrative purpose. I’ve got a few different issues with this:

1. Part of what I love(d?) about this show is that I did not think this was a show that kills characters once they’ve served their narrative purpose, or a show that kills characters as punishment/retribution for mistakes/earlier actions. To me, OFMD symbolizes the idea that everyone is deserving of love, forgiveness, and second chances. I truly trusted that no one on the Revenge crew would die in this show, and to be proven wrong was a bit disheartening, to say the least. Will talk more on the suicide notion in the next bit because I think it was symbolic, but Izzy also now represents a suicidal character who finds the will to live again. I’d argue that a “full arc” for a character like that should be ending in happiness, not death (and especially not with a line like “I want to go” or whatever the specific words were).

2. DJ seems to describe Izzy’s role as being a mentor to Blackbeard, which I personally struggle to see at all. Despite the Captain/First Mate status difference, I think most signs have pointed towards them being roughly equals—the unrequited love Izzy feels for Ed, the way the two of them stand right up to each other when everyone else would be afraid to, the clear shared history and longevity of their friendship/companionship. (If anything, I’d argue Izzy takes on the mentor mantle for Stede in s2, though it’s a bit glossed over because of how crunched for time everything was.) I certainly have trouble seeing the “father figure” relationship that DJ mentions in interviews, because I think Izzy is the one crew member that puts himself on even ground with his captains.

But even humoring that, Ed’s story has been about shedding Blackbeard. And DJ has a great quote in the Entertainment Weekly interview where he says that Izzy and Ed are both Blackbeard, that the two of them together are what makes Blackbeard “happen.” So in theory, if we’re killing Izzy off to further Ed’s storyline, it’s to ultimately kill Blackbeard, right? Especially since his line at the end is to “just be Ed.”

Except we already have metaphorically killed Blackbeard, several times. I think S2E3 is a really interesting episode because in season 1, it can be argued (and is, by Chauncey Badminton) that Stede kills Blackbeard in his own pirate-y way—with kindness. The crew is also somewhat a part of this, as they all accept and love Ed for who he is and not only because he’s Blackbeard; the crew follows the example of their captain and it changes who Ed is as a person. S2E3 is a crew under Blackbeard, and they also kill Blackbeard following the method of their current captain—violence. And this “death” is, in my mind, the death of Blackbeard while Stede symbolically saves the part of him that is just Ed. (Bonus: we also get Ed trying to sink his leathers, and while it might just be because he’s on a damn boat, it’s interesting that Blackbeard’s clothes are drowned/sunk while Ed’s metaphorical comeback was being saved from drowning by Mer!Stede.)

So Ed’s half of Blackbeard is dead. If we stand by DJ’s idea that Blackbeard is half Izzy, we’ve still got half of Blackbeard left, right? Well, that would’ve been right immediately post-S1, but then they gave Izzy a beautiful arc that seems to be a shadow of Ed’s S1 track. Ed and Izzy are very similar characters, but in S1 Ed is on the receiving end of love, acceptance, and admiration—namely from Stede, but also from the crew. Meanwhile, Izzy is subject to contempt and hostility… once again, namely from Stede, and also from the crew. Ed blossoms under the love during S1 until that’s taken away; Izzy simply moves in the reverse direction. He continues to be an antagonist while being treated like one, but once others start treating him with kindness (Fang hugging him, Jim and Archie amputating his leg while Frenchie lies for him, the whole crew making him the unicorn leg), he too becomes a part of the family. And wouldn’t you know it—Izzy has a near death scene as well, a suicide no less. Izzy is the one who is responsible in S1 for “bringing back Blackbeard,” so the symbolism of him pulling the trigger on himself is huge. This is Izzy killing his half of Blackbeard! Because Izzy Hands continues to live, even if it takes him some time to remember how to live without Blackbeard at first, and his relationship with Ed effectively dies here.

(As a side note, this growth arc and the way Izzy fully transforms into a member of the Revenge crew afterwards—whittling Lucius a shark and talking to him about forgiveness, dressing up in drag and singing to the crew, cracking silly jokes about Ed and Stede’s relationship—are also why I find the “Izzy Hands is the symbol of traditional piracy and his death is symbolic of traditional piracy dying” argument to be weak. In season 1, he was that definition, but we’ve literally watched him grow out of it. He’s no longer symbolic of something stagnant that will remain the same or be destroyed—he’s symbolic of something that grows and adapts to the new situations, that survives when all of the rules change on him.)

And then we have the return of Blackbeard: Pop-Pop pushing Ed to go back to doing “what he’s good at,” Ed fishing his leathers out of the ocean, Ed killing a ton of people because he thinks Stede is likely dead or at minimum in captivity/grave danger. This bit seems to go against everything the season was building towards; Blackbeard was almost entirely gone, but Ed is now the one who brings him back because he thinks Blackbeard is the one who can save Stede. And that’s fair, but what does that have to do with Izzy at this point? Why does he need to die for Ed to put that part of him away again? While we’re not owed a main character having a death that serves a narrative purpose, I’d hope for that to be the case, and I struggle to interpret what happens to Izzy as beneficial to either plot or character.

3. I think the actual core arcs of the show are character arcs and not plots. I get that they might’ve been trying to wrap plots with Zheng and the British in case they aren’t renewed, but I don’t think it was necessary—the pirating has always been secondary to the rom com and the found family, IMO. In S1, we had two main characters, but I’d argue Izzy got enough focus and attention to be a third this season. Which left us with a great character-driven story: we’re watching all 3 of them come into their own and discover who they are individually, while also discovering that the changes in themselves are causing friction between them now that they’re growing into new people. Which is an amazing story to tell, if you ask me, but the fulfillment of that story requires all three characters to be there. The conflict to be resolved is how these characters can become the people they want to be and still coexist together, because on some level they’re family now. Notably each pair combination of these characters grows together or apart (or in Stede/Ed’s case, both) during this season. Ed and Izzy are growing apart because they hold each other back from becoming the person they want/need to be; to complete this narratively, I would’ve expected the next challenge to be finding a way to become friends again as their new selves while letting go of the fact that they used to have a toxic relationship when they used to be different people.

Ed and Stede’s S2 Ending

So Izzy’s death is the big talking point, but I also think DJ’s take on Ed and Stede was interesting. He said that they deserved a happy ending for the work they put in this season. I agree with him in theory, but I’m curious as to whether others agree that they put in a lot of work. I think Stede followed through with his goal to come back and tell Ed how he feels, and to stay instead of running away from his problems. I think Ed followed through with trying to understand who he is and what his needs are while also trying to find the courage to open himself up to love again. But critically, they never talk. E7 makes a point to highlight the miscommunication/lack of communication between them, and then in E8 they still aren’t shown talking.

(I realize part of the issue is the limited amount of time and the amount of plot shoved into episode 8. I get it; personally, I think the plot should’ve been sacrificed for the characters. At this point, we were 7 episodes into a very character/relationship-heavy season. Plot could’ve waited for a potential S3.)

What’s more—there’s a huge, glaring gap between where they left off and where they end up. Ed left in S2E7 after he begins panicking and realizing Stede is becoming deeper entrenched in pirate life just as he’s finally finding his way out of it. Not once do they talk about this, but suddenly they’re retiring together? And right after Ed says Izzy was his only family and Izzy calls the crew his family (which… is also an unearned line, as Ed and the crew have almost no bonding or forgiveness this season, since we focused mainly on Izzy with the crew and Ed with Stede), they leave the crew to do their own thing? They’re all relatively minor things that could be fairly easily addressed by dialogue, but they fact that they’re not only serves to underscore the way that Ed and Stede really aren’t on the same page.

I want them to get their happy ending. They deserve it. I’m just not sure that I agree that they earned it to the degree that it was received, with retirement alone together without their crew, if that makes sense.

Positivity Tax: Calypso Love 😊

I’ve probably got more to say but those were the big ones on my mind after reading the Vanity Fair and Entertainment Weekly interviews. Just to counterbalance some of the more critical things I’ve said, I wanted to share some loving analysis of the Calypso episode:

1. It’s a minor thing, but the way this episode shows that Ed’s actions as Blackbeard had consequences is amazing. Despite him arguably committing the more grievous wrongs in S1, he’s the one we get the least redemption for in this season (his apology to the crew wasn’t great, and most of his screen time is spent repairing his relationship with Stede), so for him to have to face something that happened because of his past actions is cool, especially because it was done in a way that doesn’t further damage his standing with the crew.

2. The way Stede saves the day is incredible. Competent Stede this season has been an absolute joy to watch, and his success in this episode is twofold: first he wins his way, with signature Gentleman Pirate flair. He listens to Ned’s crew, helps facilitate communication between them, and encourages them to stand up for themselves and demand better treatment. That’s a very classic Stede win. But then he wins in the traditional pirate way, and it’s absolutely glorious; he’s been working towards becoming a better pirate, both in terms of stomaching violence and building up the necessary skills. Ned’s crew can be taken down with kindness, but Ned himself is a pirate and will only be matched by another. I genuinely cannot think of a more perfect way to show that Stede is still himself while also showcasing the newer side of him that he’s been working towards this whole time.

3. Speaking of that newer side of him, the way this episode starts to open up Ed’s insecurities? The combination of seeing his least favorite parts of himself reflected in Stede as well as watching Stede grow into the career that he’s trying to leave? Amazing conflict development.

4. I’ve already talked so much about Izzy but the way this truly caps off the crew’s acceptance of him as part of the family is gorgeous. He’s an entirely new man at this point and there’s no jokes made, no friendly ribbing… just love and acceptance. It highlights both his newfound comfort and familiarity with the others as well as the extent to which they care about him.

5. Less analytical, but it’s also just a really pretty episode.

Considering the fact that I have zero OFMD mutuals and this was a whole essay (I’m on mobile and can’t see how long this is but I’m honestly scared), I would be shocked if someone made it down this far, but if somehow people are here and open to civil discussion… I’d love to know how you felt about this, if you thought DJ was right, if you were a little more on my wavelength and thinking things weren’t adding up, etc. Realistically I’m not sure if anything could change my mind as I’ve done a lot of stewing, particularly about Izzy arc, but new perspectives are always refreshing. Much love to the fandom and of course the creators, who hopefully never see this and get their s3 renewal 🤞🏼

[bougiebutchbitch]

AUGH your bit about izzy giving jim lots of praise and reassurance and stuff after they rake him over coals in a sex way. that's one of the things they show him re: how this should actually go - because yeah izzy never GOT aftercare from ed (and the aftercare he got from stede was blatantly manipulative) but he also never had any chance to GIVE it, and now with jim (et al) he gets to find out how deeply rewarding it is to do. which in turn eventually leads him to the slow and painful but healing realization that ed and stede didn't just make ignorant or careless mistakes, and maybe they didn't have any real malice either and maybe they did love him in some type of way, but they treated him that way because they just didn't think of him as quite as much of a person as either of them. and that isn't something jim intended to show him or thought needed showing, and maybe sometimes they feel a little selfish "making" him take care of them after they drag him quipping and sneering to the edge of his limits by the hair, and they have to have a (deeply awkward, uncomfortable) talk about how being respected and depended on in that way makes izzy feel (finally) truly valued.

:hollers and hoots and waves my arms like a gibbon: oh my god this is everything. yes. yes. yes.

'they treated him that way because they just didn't think of him as quite as much of a person as either of them' hits so fucking hard. That's exactly it. That's exactly the dynamic. And it hurts so good.

And Jim worrying that they're being 'selfish' by getting aftercare from Izzy while Izzy 'pathological need to be Of Use' Hands is just like '????? I will literally explode (while pretending I don't care in the slightest) if you take away my PurposeTM'... words cannot express how perfect that is!

I also think it's very indicative of his control-freaky tendencies, that he needs to be able to 'break' in a controlled environment with someone else taking the reins, otherwise he'll just snap under the pressure like a rat-chewed line. But he also needs to 'rebuild' himself afterwards, reassuring himself that he can take charge again and step under the heavy mantle of First Mate once more.

Providing aftercare to his doms is a lovely, productive, mutually rewarding way of achieveing that. And now he's past the whole 'after sex I just go to my corner like a kicked dog and try to hide it if I cry because how fucking pathetic is that; they touched me; I'm grateful; that should be enough' stage? He can't get enough of it.

Also: consider the first time after a REALLY rough scene where Izzy, still kinda half-down in subspace, says 'okay thank you that was good. I'll just... go... now' with a broken little voice and tries to stagger back to his room alone... he doesn't even curse. and Jim is like. What. The FUCK. >:3c

[khruschevshoe]

OFMD Critique: the Handling of Female Characters, "Girlbosses," and Dropped Polyamory in Season 2 (aka Why the HELL did you give Zheng Yi Sao that ending?)

For this one, I kind of just want to gesture at the ending of 2x7 and the entirety of 2x8 and scream at the top of my lungs, "What the FUCK was that SHIT?"

But I already did that when the finale itself came out, so instead I'm going to stay calm and give a genuine critique (though still as rambly as always).

The handling of this show's women is...questionable. I think the only woman that was handled 100% well is Mary in Season 1. No real notes there. I love her and how her storyline is written to bits.

But in season 2, all 3 major women characters (Archie, Zheng Yi Sao, and Spanish Jackie) have their storylines hamstrung by romantic plot lines.

In Archie's case, the romance plot works. Not every character needs to have a subplot. The bits that flesh out her character are well integrated into the story, whether that be her first kiss with Jim directly leading into the fighting to the death plotline/Jim finally standing up to Blackbeard or the lines "you have hope, it's cute," "this is just kinda how things work," and "they just kind of get away with it, you know" (though it still pisses me off that that last one goes unchallenged in the narrative) being used for plot progression, or are fun character details, such as all of the snake cult hints. (Do I wish that the poly aspect of her, Jim, and Olu's dynamic was better executed so that I didn't feel like the tealoranges plot was yanked out from under my feet? Yes. Of course.)

But as for Zheng Yi Sao?

The treatment of this character makes my blood boil.

See, I'm not opposed to her having a romantic plotline. In fact, I think it could have been fun. A woman can have romance and power. 2x7 even looked like it was building to that sort of conclusion, with Jim, Olu, and Archie joining her crew in one of the very few actual canon implications of poly (though no confirmation, sadly- have y'all seen the info about the deleted scenes that could have confirmed it? I can't believe so much ended up on the cutting room floor.) But then the end of 2x7 strips all power from Zheng Yi Sao.

The show pulled one of the most powerful pirates and most accomplished women in history (also a woman of color, btw, a fact which only doubles the weird fucking undertones of her treatment as a character) into the show only to strip her of her power, shove her into a romantic plot line on a ship where she isn't even a captain, and expected me not to pick up on ANY of the fucked up optics of the writing? The fact that we end the season with Zheng and Spanish Jackie both losing their power as pirate queens in exchange for setting them on a ship with only one singular boyfriend grinds my fucking gears, man.

There are ways to give Zheng a romantic plotline without it making her an idiot (ala what happens with Olu in 2x3) or making her lose all of her power (ala the finale). Jackie's case is less infuriating, but it does remind me of the fact that a lot of the casual poly/open relationship rep from the first season got stripped from the second season (and before you come at me with the Zheng/Olu/Archie/Jim storyline, look me in the eye and cite to me any concrete canon evidence we have of it. I ADORE the fanfic as much as the next person, but I mourn the lost potential every day. Check my previous tealoranges meta for that- I might write a long version of it sometime). Lucius and Pete lost all their open relationship implications and Jackie's husbands are dropped from the finale in favor of her running off with the only one who gets a name.

I understand that they probably wrote Zheng Yi Sao this way to show Stede's growth as a Captain by showing that he brings more flexible ideas to the table (which, by the way, is completely undermined by the fact that his plan actively kills Izzy in the process), but they really should have thought through the...everything in regards to the implications of writing Zheng Yi Sao this way. Because if you bring in one of the only female characters with speaking lines onto this show, a Chinese woman at that, make romance actively make her stupid, have her be fooled by a white man (who, by the way, kills THOUSANDS of unnamed women off-page in explosions and it's just kind of treated as a plot point for the whole Zheng/Auntie/Stede/Izzy/Ed comparison which gives me the ick), strip her of her fleet and her power, and then have the GALL to not even make her the Captain of the Revenge at the end of it all? I'm not sure I trust you to handle her legacy, much less write women in general.

TLDR; Writing a very queer show does not resolve you of sexism.

[nicnacsnonsense]

can i ask why you thought ofmd s2 was bad? unrelated to you disliking it, i mean.

Oh Nonny. I could write you a 10000 word essay on the problems I see in OFMD s2 and still have much more to say. I am currently sitting on nearly six hours of footage going episode by episode detailing issues I see and the corrections I would make and why, and that still doesn’t fix everything. And part of the issue is all these things are so interconnected that it is hard to sit here and make a brief list of problems because it all feeds back into each other. What I will try to do here is list some of the broad topics of where I see issues, and you or anyone can ask follow up questions if you would like more info.

1) Character arcs

With the exception of the mini arc Ed goes through across the first three episodes, which is generally very well done, none of the characters go through any sort of satisfying coherent arc throughout the season. I count Ed’s reconciliation with the crew & retirement arcs, Stede’s manliness arc, Izzy’s “redemption” arc, Lucius’s trauma arc, and the arc related to Olu and his romantic relationships, all of which were poorly done.

2) Antagonists

Much like in s1, s2 has 3 characters seemingly set up to be major antagonists. However in this case none of these antagonists live up to their set up or potential at all. Ned gets killed off the same episode he’s introduced in and ceases to matter as a character after that, Ricky is a complete nothing of a character, and Zheng drops all the compelling themes and contrasts to Stede and the looming threat of her fleet to actually be our friend who we like now. And the plot that these antagonists deliver is underwhelming to say the least.

3) Humor

One thing the first season handled really well was the balance of the humor and the more emotional moments and more serious subjects. It was always careful about who or what it was making the butt of the joke. It did sometimes delve into slapstick or otherwise make a joke out of things that should have been painful or otherwise traumatizing but it didn’t generally ask you to laugh at trauma and certainly never invited you to laugh at trauma that you were at other times supposed to take seriously.

Another issue with the humor I have in this season is that there are a number of jokes that exist at the expense of characterization. The first season did have the occasional one liner that maybe didn’t totally fit in with the character, but this season has multiple extended joke sequences that bend characterization in order to work, which ultimately sucks a lot of the potential humor out of it.

4) Themes

This one is a bit of a odd one out in that in a different show I would not count it as point against the show that it fails to have meaningful themes. But the first season of OFMD set the standard for the show as one that does have a lot to say about things like trauma and recovery and emotional support, about masculinity and toxic masculinity and patriarchy, about racism and colonialism and white supremacy. Season 2 seems vaguely aware that it is a show that is supposed to have themes along those lines, but largely fails to incorporate them beyond the occasional wink at the camera and often ends up perpetuating the same things that the first season was trying to criticize.

5) Just the writing in general?

I realize this is kind of a cop out, but yeah. There’s just a pervasive problem with the writing throughout that’s hard to put into specific boxes. Set ups with no or underwhelming pay off, pay off with no set ups, characterization frequently feeling a bit off, characters lacking a clear motive for their behavior, and a tendency to jump from big emotional moment to big emotional moment where each individual moment is well done but there is a serious lack of connective tissue in between or even consideration for how these emotional moments reflection on each other.

Hopefully that helps give you an idea of what some of my issues are Nonny; like I said I can offer more specifics on any of these points on request.

[some-anonymity-preferred]

Izzy Hands as an Old Guard Queer (spoiler: no he ain't)

The discussion of Izzy Hands as an old queer who cares about his pre-existing found family and is protecting his safe space from suspected narcs has been flickering through my feed, and it just keeps going on, and I just keep going no.

I grew up in the 70s and 80s in a Mexican-American family that included a great uncle who was openly gay enough that he brought boyfriends to the asadas, and also an uncle who was so deeply closeted and self-hating that he made my skin crawl.

My family did not discuss any of this openly, and I was young, so there's a lot that I missed. I don't know how my great uncle evaluated any new people that other family members brought to the party, or what actions he took to protect himself and his "friends" if a newcomer's vibe was off. Having been a queer adult myself for going on three decades now, I have some educated guesses. What I do know is that my great uncle was a deeply loved favorite, at least in my branch of the family, and he for sure never freaked out and called the cops on us, nor did anyone in the family do that to him.

My uncle, on the other hand. Woof. He was not well liked. He was a walking, talking caltrop bomb. He both complained about racial discrimination and was a consummate boot-licker. He never called the cops on an asada, either, but if I had to choose one family member I would never put it past? It would be him.

Which of those people sounds more like the Izzy Hands we see onscreen?

My vote is for Uncle Bad Vibes.

I don't know my great uncle's role in the gay community he lived in, but he sounds a lot closer to the idea of an old guard queer who lives quietly and quietly protects his own, doesn't he? And not like OFMD Izzy at all.

There is one fic I enjoy that does cast Izzy that way:

Izzy is literally cast in an avuncular role here. He is older than Ed and Stede. He owns a gay bar. His partner is in prison due to a past raid on said gay bar. He is protective of his bar and community, and he is suspicious of Stede. He's bitchy to Stede, he discusses his misgivings with Ed, he's not nice about it. He tries to pull rank, and it works in the narrative of The Reno Cure because he actually does have a position of some authority, vis a vis Ed. Which he does not (except in his own mind; and, in the world at large, as a white man) in OFMD.

But you know what Izzy does not do in The Reno Cure? He does not call the cops into his own damn bar to get rid of Stede.

I really cannot stress that enough. Protective Old Guard Gays do NOT call the cops. No one who is part of a marginalized community and prioritizes keeping that community safe calls the cops on that community. They may engage in a kind of policing within the community, and that may cause conflict with others in the community who are sick of respectability politics. That happens. All the time. I grew up with it. People I loved and admired did it. Sometimes they directed it at me. I still see it, among my co-ethnics and among fellow queers. I've done it myself, and I work not to. I've worked my entire life and will continue to work the rest of my life to make my peace with it. It is not and never will be the same thing as calling in the literal fucking cops.

I told myself I wouldn't write a long post, that I wouldn't get too deep into this. Whoops.

Nearly everything I've already written ignores the racial dynamics at play in OFMD and in the fandom. And I just can't do that.

The thing that set me off this morning was a new argument that basically says, "Ed doesn't care about his crew and Izzy does." Using, as proof, Ed's line that dying is kinda part of the pirate job, in response to Izzy pointing out that crew died because Ed pursued Stede onto the Spanish ship.

Ed and Izzy are already in the middle of an Old Marrieds' argument that started with the frankfurters. Ed is being dismissive to bait Izzy. Later, he expresses the exact opposite attitude toward the crew to Stede, also to bait Stede. Throughout most of that episode, Ed is a deeply unreliable narrator, and on this point I think it's because he truly feels both. He expresses passive suicidal ideation throughout, which jibes with the "part of the job" line, and he expresses burnout under the pressure of being Blackbeard to Stede. He chooses which element of his complex emotions to share according to what will rile up his given interlocutor the most.

But maybe big scary brown men aren't allowed to have complex emotions? I dunno.

There's that. But what really got under my skin was then thinking about the contrast between how Ed treats Ivan and Fang, with how Izzy does. I think a lot about how, in the snail fork scene, Ed outsources the violence he wants to inflict for the French captain's racial slight against him to Fang. The even bigger, even browner, big scary brown guy. And Fang acts like it's NBD, happens all the time. That is a whole essay in itself; all I want to do right now is lay out there that I clock that. It's bad. It's complex. It's realistic. And it's just about all the abuse Ed lays on either Fang or Ivan. (ETA: That, and Fang’s puppy. Part of me asks, Did Ed say get rid of it, or kill it? And did Izzy relay the order as get rid of it, or as kill it? Because:)

But Izzy? Yanks Fang's beard, does it all the time. Calls Ivan and Fang "the boys." Acts like he's the only Competent Adult in the room in a room (ship) full of non-white people. Acts like he's Blackbeard's keeper and that Ed could not live or function without him. Wants Ed to be the Big Scary Brown Man Fucking Viking Vampire Clown, wants it so much that he's willing to threaten his captain's life if he won't fulfill that role. (Loyalty to your captain my ass.) Gets off on having forced Ed to fulfill that role. Literally buys Ed from the British. Calls the cops on a ship full of non-white queers who are in no way harming him, unless it's by keeping Ed from performing as his big scary racialized fetish object.

Just fucking fuck. Seriously.

Also, not one single thing Izzy does in OFMD indicates that he thinks Stede is a narc. Not one single thing. If that reading were intended, I'd expect these very skillful, very deliberate writers to fucking indicate that. They do not.

The rest of that, though, that I described a couple of paragraphs ago? The mediocre white man with a superiority complex shit? The things that make Izzy a hair-curling, skin-crawling, fan-fucking-tastic antagonist? (not the goddamn hero, what the fuck is wrong with people) That is all there on the screen. So don't at me. Fuck.

[prettybluelites]

Thoughts: The Innkeeper

Ahhhhh here we go, part 3 of 3. I'll do the new episodes next week once I've had time to digest. Ugh, I can't believe I have to wait until I get home from work tomorrow to watch, what the actual fuck? Anyway!

That little lick of flame to open is kind of elegant, I like it

"Soul Reaper" makes me laugh because I can just imagine that guy being like, "Yeah, I'm a reaper of souls but also...I've got soul" and it's doubly terrible.

Just watching Zheng in action and thinking about "Every pirate captain captains pirates differently"

I really love Stede's crew lined up and watching as they approach the Revenge, I think they all look suitably shellshocked and I think they're all at least a little bit thinking of it like Jim was when they were talking to Archie, a place where their lives meant something

Stede scaling the side of the ship, not wasting a thought on something as trivial as a rope ladder

One moment to survey the devastation and then back to action

"Guys, hi!" Like there's nothing amiss about the scene he just walked in on. Never change.

"I thought you'd be taller" is such a great callback

"He retired" belongs in the Treacherous Liars Hall of Fame. And "If you don't want to work anymore, you can just give up, I guess," is another early favorite for best line delivery of the Season

Love Zheng's face when she says "Leather. And B.O."

When I watched the trailer and I saw the bits that had this blue saturation to them I called a dream/vision situation and I guess I wasn't far off. Everything about the way this is shot is gorgeous.

My sis: "Why is there a pig?" I think since it's a dream (-ish) it's one of those things where the brain just tries to plug in something, I don't think Ruthie has any real significance but I would love to hear thoughts if anyone has any. It did remind me a little of the bit in "Cold Mountain" where Inman meets the goat woman who cares for him for a time. Like, some mysterious hermits have goats, some have pigs. *shrug*

I think i want to start a band and call it the Coolin' Bevvies

Better name for a band than Shit Tits, anyway

Jim and Olu forever, even if not as a capital-c Couple, even if only as best friends they tell stuff to

The way Con's voice trembles when says "I dared to mention your fuckin' name" - masterful

Stede seems to be realizing that for everything he's coming to understand about Ed and about pirating there's still a whole world of stuff he needs to learn.

Okay, dumb question, is Ed's shirt black or is it purple? Or is it legit changing from shot to shot? Or is it just the...the filter or whatever they used here? (Sorry, I don't know the lingo) whatever, I love it, sometimes his hair even has a purple cast to it, so cool.

Aw, Stede, listen to you, talking it through

When Ed starts flashing back in reaction to Hornigold going at him and there's that one tiny burst of Izzy laughing at him - oh god, that's such a gut punch

Gravy Basket would also be a great name for a band

In all seriousness, Taika is so good in this whole scene

I really like Olu defining a friend as "someone I'd like to see grow old"

Lol every time at "This one has a smell" because yes, chamomile has a smell and it is weird

"I never said that"/"You say that all the time" - another hilarious callback/inversion

Between multiple viewings of both this episode and the trailer, I've seen this bit with Black Pete and the crossbow probably dozens of times and I still laugh out loud every time

Madeleine Sami is gorgeous, just sayin'

I think...Izzy's trying. That's all I'm gonna say for right now. I think he's trying.

"I hate you. I've always hated your guts." Oh, all my insides clenched. Oh Ed.

And then...and then. I don't even know where to start about this whole sequence. I loved it the first time I watched it, and I sobbed (always a good indicator in my book, I think Stede saying "I messed all of this up" is what really touches me off) and I think I've loved it more every time I've watched it. It's beautiful and perfect and sweet and just the right amount of dramatic and just the right amount of...silly, which doesn't mean I'm selling it short or diminishing it in any way, I mean silly in the best possible way. And the way they smile at each other when they're finally face to face? And the way Ed leans in? That's it, going to watch again....

I was too young (and too American, probably) to have really gotten into Kate Bush in her heyday, I knew "Running Up that Hill," and her album "The Red Shoes" got played a little on the radio around here when it was out, but I honestly don't think I knew "This Woman's Work" until recently. I now love it just by virtue of it being so perfect in this scene. The ethereal-ness of it and the way it builds with the action, or the action builds with the song - I can't think of something that would have been better.

The way Stede kind of steels himself before taking the towel off Ed's face

And the way Ed's fingers immediately close around Stede's

If I'm that far in my feels after 3 episodes what is the rest of the season going to do to me??

Thanks for reading, if you're still here! Everybody enjoy episodes 4 and 5!

[palavapeite]

@aha-my-villainous-thoughts tagged me in the Last Lines game thingie. Thank youuuuuuu!!!!

Not quite sure how that works, but since I haven't touched any of my WIPs in a month and also have a bad habit of not writing from start to end necessarily, I'm just gonna have to wing it, won't I? For some of these it's gonna be the last sentence of the draft/manuscript and for some the last bit I remember writing. Also, it is highly likely that more than half of these will never actually get written, some of these files are more like thought playgrounds than actual WIPs.

From oldest to newest, here we go:

Blonde & Leggy 3: [Subtitle redacted]

Stede’s mouth keeps talking – thankfully, on the subject of Ed he can keep talking for quite a while without having to think about what to say next – but his thoughts are already elsewhere. 

This won’t do. 

It simply, he decides, won’t do.

[I am afraid this is where the fic's been stuck for months and everything past this is a construction site because eeeeeeh I'm having some problems with flow and figuring out the right order of scenes and events. ]

(Did you expect a love song?)

Seeing Dion and Anton exchange a look, Viago grinned awkwardly in a manner that he hoped conveyed how much of a fucking embarrassment he thought Deacon was (not without affection), just in case there was any doubt.

[I really really want to finish this, I just need to find the voice again and it's not been happening for me...]

What is left for encore

“Power metal, huh. Well… I like the sound of the rest though. Nothing I trust as much as Izzy’s taste.” 

“Right?”

[aka the metal band AU I will never realistically actually write/finish. but i've been nostalgia-watching so many of my fave band documentaries and this is the WIP file where I go to vibe, alright?]

Your smile is like a breath of cringe

Glancing around his cabin, he was relieved to see that Izzy had left unnoticed sometime in the past three to thirteen minutes that Ed guesstimated he had been staring out between the drawn curtains.

Time to get ready for battle, he figured, and looked around for his gun and his knife.

Fine. He was fine.

This was fine.

[@thebeautifulsoup and I were both going to write a Jason-Isaacs-as-Stede's-rebound-boyfriend fic, but she was the only one who actually pulled through with this beautiful fic. Mine got kneecapped by seasonal depression and self-doubts, so it's just been... sitting there.]

Bonnet's Playthings: Brothel, Baths and Bed & Breakfast

This was how Stede Bonnet found out that he had been having breakfast with Blackbeard. 

[This could have been another silly frenzied 10k in two days, but then I got bogged down in, like, scene 3 and I've not yet made up my mind on how to best fix it.]

The not-technically-a-wip-more-of-a-notes-and-snippets-cluster

"Not really. More like…" Stede releases a shuddering breath. "Like I was wrong. I came out as gay thinking it would set something inside me free, make something inside me finally make sense, but then life went on and I still felt trapped, and I thought maybe I’m not gay at all, maybe I’m just broken."

[I don't think this will ever come to anything, but I might harvest some of those 5 pages of dialogue if ever I need something depressing...]

AND THANK FUCK THAT'S ALL OF THEM, I BELIEVE WITH REASONABLE CERTAINTY.

This was fun! Tagging, if they haven't already done it (I've seen this float about recently) and only if they feel like it: @slow-burn-sally , @thebeautifulsoup , @emmyllou , @pudentilla and @greaseonmymouth :-*

[edactually]

Stede POV - 6.9

They met at a café of Ed’s choice, one that he frequented a lot when he had the time because he was yet to be recognised there. It was a small independent place, and Stede could see the appeal as every table had some kind of privacy shield, whether that was a bookcase or a large potted plant. Ed took them to his favourite table, tucked away in a corner upstairs where they were shielded from other patrons by an ornate wooden divider, similar to the changing screen from Ed’s dressing room at Spanish Jackie’s.

Stede had briefly considered not accepting the invitation after the incident at Anne’s birthday dinner the previous evening, but the days before Ed left on tour with his band were ticking away ever faster, and Stede knew he’d kick himself if he didn’t grab every opportunity to spend time with the man before he left.

Despite Ed’s suggestion of coffee, Stede had managed to talk him into trying an earl grey tea. He had seen the variety of teas behind the counter when they’d been waiting to order and had chastised Ed for never trying even one for all the times he’d come in here. It was a good blend as well - floral with a touch of bergamot, that classic earl grey flavour, not overly complicated. Ed seemed to enjoy it, giving Stede an appreciative nod after his first sip.

“How’s the tour planning going?” Stede asked, clutching his cup between his hands, appreciative of the warmth that radiated into his palms.

Ed groaned, and Stede sensed this café (not) date had been scheduled with the intention of brief respite from tour planning. “I always wonder if we should have just signed with a record label or manager every time we tour. Planning it all ourselves is an absolute nightmare. Even though we’ve had everything arranged since the end of last year, there’s always a ton of shit that crops up right before we’re due to head out.”

Ed had been very busy lately and Stede had noted that he always looked tired. Sometimes Stede thought he should cancel their hang-outs so Ed could use the time better to get some sleep, but he selfishly didn’t want to miss out on the time he could get with Ed before he spent months travelling the country. “When do you leave again?”

“September 30th.”

They didn’t even have a full two weeks left. Stede had tried not to think about it, but the date was creeping closer every day, and every day he wondered if he’d made a mistake by drawing that firm line in the sand about keeping things strictly platonic. He’d thought he could handle it, but whenever he’d seen Ed since their kiss at Spanish Jackie’s, Stede found himself unable to think of anything else but getting his hands all over the man. Stede knew it made sense in terms of keeping their friendship going to not stray into physical territory again, but every time he saw Ed, he just couldn’t help but ponder the question.

What if he just told Ed how he felt?

He was assuming that Ed didn’t want to think about starting a new relationship right before he went on tour for months, but maybe he was wrong? It wasn’t like Stede had asked him about it. He had just believed Ed only wanted something casual and had jumped straight into ruling that out because he knew he couldn’t keep himself from letting feelings get in the way. 

They always had such a good time together, what if there was a chance that Ed would consider something more? Stede wasn’t proposing or anything, he was only asking for a date and he appreciated the timing wasn’t the best, but was it worth taking the risk?

All he had to do was ask, then at least he would know.

He was so lost in thought that he hadn’t heard Ed’s phone chime, but he did see Ed unlock it to check the notification and his smile dropped.

“Do you have to go?” That was usually what a sudden text in the middle of one of their (not) dates meant.

“Potentially.” He turned his phone round so Stede could see the screen. “Izzy sent me this and wants to talk damage control.”

It was exactly what Stede had been dreading. When he hadn’t heard anything immediately after the museum, he had thought they were safe. He should have known that the couple they had run into were getting over the initial shock before going public. “Oh no. I’m so sorry, this is all my fault.”

“Your fault?” Ed set his phone down on the table and reached across it to grab Stede’s hand. “Stede, I’m the one that smashed that guy’s phone, this is all on me.”

“But you only did that because of what he said to me.”

“And I’d do it again.” Stede’s heart fluttered. “No one talks to you like that.”

“But they’ve gone public with the story.” Stede’s fluttering heart rate had changed to an anxious pounding in his chest as he thought about what that meant. How the best case scenario was that the publicity negatively impacted the upcoming tour, the worst case scenario was… well, he didn’t want to think about it too much.

“Stede, it’s ok.” Ed squeezed his hand. “There are articles about me like this all the time. Just rumours that gain a bit of traction then die off. Besides, the article isn’t even on a reputable news site, just one of those listicle-type ones where anyone can write stuff and it’s mostly just ads. People will either assume it’s a fake story or forget about it when something more interesting happens. If I make a statement, it’s as good as acknowledging that it’s true, so I’ll just stay quiet and let it blow over.”

Stede was still unsure. Ed seemed very calm and confident about the whole thing, but he could be a good liar. Stede wouldn’t put it past him to mask his own fears for the sake of making Stede feel better. But it was hard to focus when Ed was holding his hand across the table like this, and Ed squeezed his hand again.

“They make amazing scones here, I’m going to get you one.” Ed let go of his hand to stand up.

“Don’t you need to meet with Izzy to do damage control?” Stede asked as Ed headed towards the stairs.

“He can wait a little longer.” Ed called back, and Stede watched his silvery waves disappear as he went to fetch the scone. The whole tour, Ed’s entire career , could be hanging in the balance and yet his primary focus was getting Stede a little treat to make him feel better.

Ed was so considerate, so caring, so… wonderful .

Stede was going to ask him out.

As soon as he came back, Stede was going to do it, just blurt it out without overthinking the best way to phrase it so he didn’t lose his nerve. He’d have to be quick, Ed would need to leave soon to sort this mess out with Izzy. It was just asking the man out on a date, no big deal, he could do it.

He could do it. He could do it. He could do it.

Ed’s phone chimed again, several times in quick succession. It was wrong of him to look at Ed’s phone without permission, but it was just a quick glance to check it wasn’t urgent. If Izzy needed Ed to leave right this second to sort this mess out, then Stede was ready to run down the stairs with Ed’s jacket and phone and go with him. He could ask Ed out on the way.

The photo that followed the messages was far too obscene for a Sunday afternoon.

Stede quickly flipped Ed’s phone over, hoping that the man wouldn’t remember he’d left it lying face up. Stede didn’t want to see any more texts, it served him right for snooping.

His assumptions had been correct, Ed didn’t want anything more than no-strings attached fun. He’d probably texted Jack after Stede had told him he wanted to just be friends. Jack had been his friend with benefits first, after all, it made sense that he’d be Ed’s first port of call while he was touring.

Stede had no right to be jealous. Absolutely no right at all.

He definitely had no right to cry about it.

What had he expected really? That he would ask Ed on a date and Ed would say yes and they’d have a lovely dinner at a fancy restaurant and play footsie under the table properly this time?

Don’t be so pathetic, Stede. You’re lucky Ed wants you as a friend, why would he ever want to date you?

It was never going to happen. Stede needed to get over it and just let the hope die already.

He pulled a navy blue handkerchief out of his pocket to dab away the tears on his cheeks, and even handkerchiefs reminded him of Ed. Thanks to his stupid bloody research on the hanky code, he even knew what the colour of this one meant. 

He had been dreading Ed leaving for his tour and being apart from him for months on end, but maybe it was for the best. The distance between them could help give him some clarity and some time to get over his stupid crush. He could find ways to distract himself and keep his mind off Ed.

When Ed returned with his scone, Stede smiled like nothing was wrong. He took the scone and said he’d have to eat it on the way back to his car as he’d received an urgent call from Mary asking him to pick Louis up from his friend’s house. The truth was that he didn’t want to look at Ed’s expression when he picked up his phone and saw the texts from Jack.

Ed looked surprised but let Stede go with a cheerful wave, and Stede ran down the stairs before Ed could see the tears were starting to well up again.

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[dragonmuse]

this is maybe more silly than what you’re feeling but I think at one point eddy mentioned she and stede tried some kinky stuff and it just ended in them laughing their asses off??? would love to see that (or anything with those two tbh)

(so yeah, not entirely smutty, but could be smitty! hope you like!)

“Come here,” Eddy said with steel in her voice. The tone that has always made Izzy collapse at her feet so long ago. The voice men twice as wide as her had obeyed without thought. 

“Yes, dear,” Stede was smiling, puckishly. 

Eddy’s lips twitched, but then schooled back into a stern flat line.  “Kneel.” 

It took a second. Stede considered the space around Eddy’s feet, apparently looking for the best place, before folding himself down. He was repressing a full on grin and they could fucking tell. Menace. 

“When I tell you to do something, I expect you to do it fast,” she snarled. Or tried to. It was really hard to keep growling, when Stede was looking up at her with those doe brown eyes. 

“Yes, dear. I mean. M’am....we should’ve discussed terms.” Stede realized. 

Eddy closed her eyes, reigning her expression back in.  “If you call me m’am, this isn’t going to work. I feel like a school teacher.” 

“We could try that at some point,” Stede decided.  

“Just...fuck. I don’t know. Call me whatever.” 

“That doesn’t seem in keeping with the spirit.” 

“Fine. Maybe I’m ‘mistress’  here,” Eddy decided. “That’s fine.” 

“Okay,” Stede said peacefully, then tacked on, “mistress.” 

“Oh fuck,” Eddy had to look at the ceiling. It did not sound respectful on Stede’s tongue. Filthy. But not respectful. “Right. Do something useful while you’re down there.” 

“Like what?” Stede asked merrily. 

“...for fuck’s sake, just take off my pants,” Eddy kept looking at the ceiling. 

At least eager for that, Stede reached for the button and got it udone, then slid the zipper down. Then he leaned in and kissed her stomach like he always did. 

“I didn’t give you permission to touch me,” Eddy snapped. 

“Sorry, mistress,” Stede got all wide-eyed, and then looked down at the ground. His shoulders started to shake. 

“Stop that,” Eddy groaned. “Stede.” 

“Sorry, honey! Really I am, but you’re so cute when you get all commanding.” 

“I can’t be cute! This doens’t work if you think I’m cute,” Eddy groaned. “You have to be hot for me.” 

“I am hot for you,” Stede assured her. “All the time. Sometimes it’s actually problematic.” 

“Like when?” They asked, distracted now. 

“Oh, like when you’re talking with one of our friends and you get excited about something and it makes me think about other times you’ve gotten excited and I still have to pretend I’m listening to whoever I’m talking to,” Stede sat back on his heels. “You know.” 

“I do,” Eddy allowed, reaching down to ran a hand over his golden hair. “Been there. When you’re all in a huff and you get flushed.” 

“Oh,” Stede leaned into the touch. “I didn’t know that. See how useful role play is.” 

“Mate, this is the least successful roleplay I can think of. You can’t obey me worth shit.” 

“I never promised too,” Stede pointed out. “We took it out of the vows and everything.” 

“Yeah, but you wanted to play this game and that’s how it works.” 

“Why?” Stede challenged. 

“What do you mean, why? It’s the whole point of the whole...dom thing. Like it’s short for domination, not short for give the dom a headache.” 

“I think that’s called being a brat and it’s encouraged,” Stede corrected. “I looked it up.” 

“You’re not a brat,” Eddy sighed. “Brats want the punishment. Do you actually want me to punish you? Cause you’re not even that into spanking.” 

“Well a little pain is fun, real pain isn’t. Not for me anyway,” Stede sighed. “I don’t know. I thought it could be...playful?” 

“I guess it can be,” Eddy gave up and sat on the edge of the bed. “But I don’t think it is for me. When I go there, I go all the way there. Didn’t really think about that before we got into it.” 

“Maybe you didn’t know? I’m going to sit next to you, honey, my knees are killing me already.” 

“Yeah, sure.” 

They pressed together, Stede putting his hand on their thigh. “Mistress Eddy has a ring to it though.” 

“If I were your actual mistress, you’d be in for it,” Eddy warned him. 

“What would you do to me?” Stede asked, kissing her shoulder. “Would you be terrible?” 

“I’d torture you within an inch of your life.” 

“But if I was agreeing then it would have to be something I liked too. And torture sounds unpleasent.” 

“Maybe I’d tie you up and tickle you,” Eddy laughed just at the thought. “Get you under the back of your knees until you giggled yourself to death.” 

“Awful,” Stede did giggle, just at the thought. “I’d curse your name.” 

“Then I’d make you sit at watch while I tore the pages out of a book.” 

“Demon!” He accused. “What else?” 

“Mm, I’d...touch myself and not let you touch me.” 

“Oh, that would be very cruel,” Stede decided. “More for you than me though. I like watching you.” 

“Voyeruism is more your kink than pain,” Eddy agreed, putting their hand over his. “Want to just fuck regular?” 

“Yes,” Stede said feverently then with a cheeky grin, “or maybe it’s yes, mistress?” 

“That’s it!” Eddy did tickle him and they rolled around on the bed while Stede laughed manically. 

They had sex eventually, but it was nearly an hour later. 

[feverishfatale]

ERROR: 2848 (Sick)

I've officially fallen in love with the AI Iz/zy stuff I've seen around here lately!

—

"Edward! What in the world was that noise just now?"

Ed glanced up from the tablet screen, letting his eyes adjust back to the ambient glow of the ship rather than the harsh blue that made up all the auxiliary screens.

"What was what, mate?" He asked.

Stede frowned from where he had suddenly appeared in the captain's quarters.

"The … flickering."

"Flickering?"

"The lights. They seem to be out of order, somehow. I haven't seen anything like it on any ship I've encountered. One moment they were perfectly functional … and then–"

Stede broke off with a suspicious glance towards the ceiling. His eyes were practically boring holes in the upper paneling that ran along the ship and his mouth was set in a pout as he regarded the AI's wiring placement.

"Then, there was an absolutely awful noise and everything went dark for a moment or two."

"Ah, yeah." Ed huffed. "Makes sense, I suppose."

"It does?"

Stede looked even more off-put by the idea that the system failure was routine enough to be recognized, and Ed fought down a chuckle at his indignation.

"Yep." He shrugged, letting a few of the knots in his shoulders relax after hours of work on a screen no larger than his palm. "Happens sometimes."

"What exactly was it?" Stede asked pointedly.

"Iz must've sneezed."

"I'm sorry … did you just insinuate that IS-R43L, the AI who is functionally in charge of all the ship's mechanisms, can sneeze?"

Ed shrugged again.

"I mean, more or less, man. It isn't quite the same since he doesn't exactly have sinuses to clear or a respiratory tract like we know it, but it's still the same idea."

Stede only blinked.

Slowly, his eyes narrowed and he glanced back at the ceiling.

"He … sneezed."

Ed nodded, letting the tablet finally go dark and glancing upward himself at the silvery lines that traced all the ship's ceilings.

They were all glowing faintly, the pink luminescence bathing the room in a pleasing shade and providing a perfect atmosphere for the finicky system maintenance he had been doing before Stede had showed up.

The equipment didn't appear out of order upon first look … yet if Izzy had sneezed earlier.

"Hey, Iz?" Ed called out.

A pulsing flash from the lighting panels answered before Izzy's eerily raspy hum echoed through the room.

"Yes, Captain?"

"Everything alright?"

"Based on what parameters?" Izzy replied hoarsely. "There are several minor issues to be resolved, but nothing that compromises crucial systems or safety."

Ed ignored the slightly horrified look that Stede was shooting him at the casual conversation with the AI, instead stroking one hand down the nearest wall and letting the faint warmth it emitted soothe any lingering joint pains from hours of typing.

"How about temperature regulators, Iz?"

"They are satisfactory."

"For the crew's quarters or for your personal servers?"

There was an awkward pause as Izzy made a faint whirring in lieu of replying.

"Izzy, answer me." Ed repeated, putting a hint of command into his voice and pointedly pressing against the wall where his hand rested. "I really gotta know."

"The crew's quarters are satisfactory. My personal servers are … marginally overheated."

Even Stede frowned at the response.

Ed found himself copying the motion.

"Iz, full status report on your servers."

"Is that–"

"Yeah, it's necessary, mate."

A soft whuff of air rippled from the ship's air ventilation systems– the IS-R43L version of a sigh.

"Overall function is uncompromised, Captain." Izzy droned. "But there are several minor issues, like I reported earlier. It seems to be a technical problem that has resulted in temporary temperature fluctuations, increased air ventilation due to clogging of my ducts, and a reduced capacity for rapid calculation."

Ed frowned deeper at the admissions. While none were critical, it also was not ideal.

"You have the flu?" Stede blurted out in the sudden quiet.

"I do not." Izzy snipped back almost instantly. "I am incapable of contracting a human virus."

"Yet, somehow, you seem to have developed a fever, stuffy nose, and are fatigued."

"That is not an accurate paraphrasing of my report, guest crew member Bonnet."

"I don't know about that, mate." Edward said slowly, letting the dots connect in his mind. "Think he might be onto something."

Another whuff of air echoed from the vents. It felt oddly warm in the chilly air of the cabin.

"What time did the system errors pop up, Iz?"

"Approximately two and one quarter hours ago."

Ed nodded to himself.

"In that case, I gotta say it's probably my fault. That's about when I tried a new section of code."

"I am aware." Izzy droned.

"Do you think that's what made you get sick?"

"It is … possible."

Meaning it was the exact cause, but since it was Edward's actions, IS-R43L would never admit that it was the issue.

Another gust of air wooshed down from the ceiling, followed by a brief flicker of the lights and an oddly mechanical grinding noise.

"My apologies, Captain." Izzy said curtly.

"S'fine, Iz."

Ed carefully scooped the tablet back up, clicking at the new section of coding until it showed the error warning he had missed previously.

It showed a clearly flawed string of code. Not quite a fatal error, but enough of a malfunction that Izzy had to be miserable with the havoc it was wrecking on his system.

"Ah, Ed?" Stede asked pointedly.

"Yeah, mate?"

"What is plaguing IS-43L is not contagious, correct?"

"Huh?"

Ed glanced up from the screen again.

A brief whir sounded above his head as Izzy echoed the confused noise.

"Well, er, I just wanted to make sure." Stede shuffled in place awkwardly. "Since I wasn't aware an AI could even be ill."

"Nah, it's not contagious." Ed chuckled. "Just give me a sec."

Quickly, he tapped out a placeholder code and inserted it into the existing protocols. He made sure to permanently trash the previous error riddled section rather than let it be saved in any nook or cranny of Izzy's memory banks.

"And … here we go."

A brief flash of light filled the quarter's and another mechanical hum echoed loudly in the small space.

"That should feel better, yeah, Iz?"

"Much better, Captain." Izzy hummed, his vocal simulation sounding less strained even as it kept the usual hoarse undertone. "All systems appear to be functional again and negative effects are diminished significantly."

"Good, good."

Ed nodded at the tablet before carefully shelving it alongside the array of tools that kept IS-R43L in perfect order.

"That should take care of the sneezing too, mate." He added, nodding again at Stede.

"Oh, right, perfect. In that case." Stede stammered. "It truly frightened the crew. I believe there was talk of crashing into an asteroid or another disaster."

"Nah, Iz would never allow it. No matter how sick, he'd never put the ship into danger."

"That is rather reassuring."

"I suppose I ought to go let the crew know everything's alright, though." Ed continued, glancing at the open door to the hallway and the crew's quarters beyond. "Think it'll help 'em to know the bug is fixed."

Stede nodded eagerly.

"It would certainly help the overall morale!" He chirped.

"You okay if I go, Iz?" Ed called up to the ceiling. "Sure you're feeling better?"

"Of course, Captain. All parameters are restored."

"Cheers, mate."

Slowly, Ed stood and stretched, shaking off the hours of work with a long groan. He couldn't help but wonder how Izzy felt the sensation of muscle aches, even as he followed Stede out to the communal areas.

A question for another time.