#norseland

[thechurchofsplatterdaysaints]

[witekspicsbanknotes]

NORSELAND banknotes with Viking motives - fantasy, private.

[vse-kar-vem]

imagine: it's the year 1540 and you step into ye olde tavern to hear your favourite troubadours, jester out, perform their ballad "ye sunne side o' london"

[crimealleythief]

God I’m starting to get tempted to just start drinking Mead instead of water cause I don’t trust any water that comes from Gotham anymore.

[im-a-wizard-dammit]

Jim: I think you’re overthinking this Grommock

Grommock: Why don’t you take the lead on this then?

DM: To be fair, you’re all overthinking this.

Medici PC: Except Medici, who isn’t thinking anything.

[moniquill]

@travellingdragon , because you asked:

Dragon descriptions by breed:

Nampeshiwe - the indigenous dragons of North Markesland (specifically a northeast woodlands breed)

In general, North Markesland dragons are somewhat mustelid in conformation and gait 

A description of Kasaqua’s mother:

It was red and gold and glorious with the evening sun behind it, like a hillside in autumn. From nose to tail it was twice as long as my canoe, and its wings opened half again that wide. It had a crown of antlers that must have come to thirty points or more. It stretched its wings, and the sun came through them, showing the scarlet net of its bloodworks. It had a long, sinuous body, like an otter or a fisher. Its neck double-curved like a heron's. Its mane was blood red, each spiky feather tipped with black, and it had black markings on its eyes and muzzle and along the rims of its deer-like ears.

Kasaqua upon hatching:

Overall it was about the size of a marten, dull yellow and speckled brown and black across its back. Its wings, as it stretched them out and flicked off bits of slime, proved much smaller than its mother's had been. They didn't look at all suited for the task of getting it into the air. Its head was overlarge for its body, and so were its feet. It had no sign of antlers or feathers. It looked as soft and bald as a baby songbird.

Word of Author on Nampeshiwe:

Average size when adult is twenty feet from nose to tail and thirty feet from wingtip to wingtip at full spread - this makes them middle-sized as dragons go. Bodily conformation of hatchlings should put one in mind of a ferret, sable, or martin - a mature adult is more like a wolverwine or honeybadger. The skin of the body ranges from buff gold through ginger and even orange, while the wingleather shades smoothly from that color at the wing wrist to scarlet red at the leading edge. Mane feathers of adults are red or ruddy brown and may or may not have darker veins and tips. Adults females have manes on the crows of thier heads and backs of their necks, while adult males have a mane that fully encompasses the throat and chest, like a lion’s mane and may or may not have a beard. Adults males also have bronze iridescence, especially on the breast feathers.   

Introduced Dragons

In general, dragons from the old world are somewhat wolfish or doggish in confirmation and gait

Akhari - an introduced breed developed in Kindah and Kedar

One of the dragons saw us coming and rose to its feet, approaching with great interest. It was a breed I didn't know from the book, light brown with black stripes across its back and wings, pale on its belly. It was as tall as a pony, but longer from nose to tail. It yawned hugely and loped forward with a wolfish gait, and Kasaqua bounded ahead to meet it. 

Arin - an introduced breed developed in Vaskosland (closely related to Bjalladreki)

In the next cell, a somewhat smaller dragon lay on its back, belly up and legs splayed. It was a shade of green that reflected blue, like the head of a drake mallard, and had a thorny crown of bone-white quills.

Professor Ibarra's Arin, Abiadura, looked like an especially lean and lanky Bjalladreki with shorter and stouter quills.

Bjalladreki - an introduced Norseland breed

This dragon had a crown of brown and white striped quills, the ones nearest to its face webbed like a fish's fins. It was a ruddy brown color overall, fading to gray on its belly and beneath its wings, with brilliant sea-green eyes. The webs around its face were mottled with green markings, too.

Niklas’ dragon was a bjalledreki as well, and having three of them at such close quarters allowed me to examine the breed in a detail that I hadn't been able to before. Ivar's dragon was the largest of the three, and broadest across the chest. Niklas’ dragon was smaller than Sigrod but larger than Magnus, and more gray than either of the others. The quills of its crown were especially long and finely formed, their banding more subtle and dappled, and they were each tipped in brilliant white. Magnus looked rangy compared to the other two, plainly more juvenile in conformation and demeanor.

Bjalladrekis were far and away the most common breed in the academy’s dragonhall, probably because the breed was famously even-tempered and versatile. Also because bjalladrekis begat more bjalladrekis, so their being popular meant more of their eggs were available. Marta’s dragon, Magnus, was a bjalladreki. The breed was ruddy brown and gray, with a mane of quills like a porcupine’s, and teal-green markings on the face and the backs of the wings.

Word of Author: This is the Labrador Retriever and American Quarter Horse of the dragon world, at least in New Anglesland dragoneering culture - wildly popular for being a dependable, middle of the road kind of creature.

Falterdrach -  an introduced breed developed in Tyskland

The dragon in the next cell was red and black, with a pair of recurved black horns. It was worrying at a bone big enough that it had to be a cow's leg. It flicked a wing open as we passed by the front of the cell, and I saw that it had great black patches on a red field, like a butterfly's wing.

Professor Mesman’s Falterdrach, Kostbar, was a smallish black dragon with brilliant red patches on his wings reminiscent of a butterfly.

Jirada - an introduced breed developed in Kindah

In the cell after that, a brown and gold dragon was lying with its back to us. I couldn't see its head at all, but it seemed to have very long, narrow wings.

Professor Nazari's Jirada, named Zati, was dusty brown with especially long and narrow wings.

Kessledrach - an introduced breed developed in Tyskland

It was an altogether larger creature than Kasaqua's mother had been—stockier and more forwardly-built. If Kasaqua’s mother could be likened to an otter, this dragon could be likened to a bear. It was green and bronze, and instead of antlers it had a pair of sharp horns that swept back from its brow.

Frau Kuiper’s Gerhard, an enormous dark green Kessledrach, was built like a bear 

Silberdrach - an introduced breed developed in Anglesland

All of the other cells—something like seventy or eighty of them—appeared to be empty save one at the very end. In that cell a huge white-and-gray dragon with pale eyes stared at us with keen interest. Its mouth was partly open, its black tongue flicking out between glittering fangs.

Two of the dragoneers visited north village. Not dragons like yours, thorny silver-white monsters eight foot tall at the shoulder.”

“Silberdrachs,” I said, nodding. “They’re a favored breed in the dragonthede, along with Kessledrachs. Most of the jarlsgards who are dragoneers are bonded to Silberdrachs, I think.

Captain Einarsson’s ill-tempered Silberdrach, whose name I’d never learned, was white and gray - though her tongue and gums were black

Velikolepni - an introduced breed developed in Russland and Roveland

It was only a little bigger than Kasaqua, and it had a very distinctive look. It was very pale all over, wheat-colored above and below with bands of white along its flanks, shading to brilliant gold on its tail and the backs of its wings. It lacked any sort of a mane, but had three sets of little horny nubs on either side of the crown of its head. It had a pair of barbles sweeping back from its nose, another above its eyebrows, and a double pair sprouting from its chin—taken together, I was reminded very strongly of a catfish.

Sander’s dragon, Inga, had grown enormously since I’d last seen her. She was now the size of a pony, and her triple set of golden horns had grown out to three or four inches in length. 

In general, dragons from Markesland and the Far East have brachiating antlers that shed and regrow annually and elongated bauplans, while Norselandish dragons have horns (1-3 pairs) that do not shed and more compact bauplans.

[hitchell-mope]

Descendants celebrity au

Benjamin LeRoi. The latest in a long line of French born Australian family of Shakespearean actors. Wanting to get out of the pigeonhole he was raised in he auditions for and wins the role of dashing rogue Balthazar Buckingham in Persey Pantheon’s directorial debut Reincarnate next the highly sexually intriguing Mallory Perrault as Emmeline Atkinson.

Mallory Perrault. A rockstar whose act would make the Pussycat Dolls look like the nuns from The Sound Of Music. Her first acting role is alongside Ben in her half sibling Persey’s directorial debut Reincarnate as the ingenue Emmeline Atkinson and Ben as the dashing rogue Balthazar Buckingham.

Evangeline Grimhilde. An accomplished singer known for her sugary sweet stage persona which she hopes to break out of with her boyfriends latest movie Baby It’s Cold Outside as the seductive demon Seraphina

Douglas Greenman. An EGOT winning director, actor and dancer. He’s been reluctant to cast Evie in his works for fear of nepotism accusations. But she’s finally persuaded him to cast her as Seraphina in Baby It’s Cold Outside alongside him as Reverend Oliver Bentley after a very spirited late night talk.

Carlos De Vil. A sitcom actor known for his role in The Isolation Room as the nerdy technology teacher Miles Carp who has a long winded relationship going with the rebellious art teach Allen Qasim that he oversees detention with. Unfortunately this has led to a rather rabid fan base who insist he and Jay are dating in real life despite the both of them being in very stable relationships with other people.

Jane Babineaux. A rather mousy Broadway actress with a very powerful voice. Carlos’s girlfriend. Currently cross cast in a revival of The Phantom Of The Opera as Erika the Phantom. Tries to be okay with Carlos’s TIR fans. But the invasion of privacy is starting to affect her performance

Jay Tahan. Carlos costar in The Isolation Room. Dating Gil. Decidedly less kind to the fans than Carlos and Jane are to the point that he’s disabled all of his social media accounts except for the shows official twitter account. Sadly no amount of flaunting his and Gil’s relationship has quelled the fandom yet.

Gil Legume. A lead on the adult fantasy epic The Norseland Empress as Viking Chieftain Sigurd Nordling alongside Lonnie as Ancient Chinese Empress Liu Cheng. Dating Jay. The fanbase is for TNE is just as bad if not worse than the TIR fanbase due to all the contractually obligated love scenes that Gil and Lonnie are required to do which the fanbase uses as “proof” of an offscreen romance.

Li Lonnie. Gil’s leading lady in The Norseland Empress. Liu Cheng is her first leading role in a drama show. Her background is Janeane Garofalo type standup comedy. As such. She wasn’t ready for how rabid the fanbase became. But fortunately for her, she’s got Jay on her side to tell the fans where to shove it.

Nedahk Thatch. Singer, dancer, choreographer and actor. Playing Patrick Swayze’s role in a musical adaptation of Dirty Dancing alongside his girlfriend Uma. They’re celebrated for their chemistry. But a favour for her father threatens to overhaul the movie.

Uma Facillier. Actress and singer. The Dirty Dancing musical is her first leading role. Before this her biggest role was one of the muses in an off-off-broadway production of Hercules. She’s enjoying the newfound recognition. If only her dad hadn’t begged her to play act at dating a volatile train wreck.

Harold Hook. A punk rock singer. Wants to be the next Sid Vicious. He doesn’t have a single talented bone in his body. Well. Unless you count his almost prodigious ability to cause scandal and ruin everywhere he goes. It’s gotten so bad that his father and Uma’s dad had to set them up in a fake relationship in the hope he gains some good will from the press. It’s not working.

Persey Pantheon. Actor and director. Reincarnate is their prospective comeback after losing over half of their fanbase when they came out as non-binary. They didn’t plan on Reincarnate being political. But it’s an occupational hazard when you make a movie set throughout and beyond human history

Maddox Hatter. Persey’s girlfriend. Recently played Margaret White in a revival of Carrie but had to be let go after an on stage psychotic break led her to fall to pieces during “And Eve Was Weak” at the start of the eight performance. She’s on medication now and is the researcher on Reincarnate

Hadie Pantheon. Persey’s twin brother. Harry, Mal and Evie’s half brother. Aspires to be the next Johnny Cash. Only he can’t play guitar. He can however play the piano. So he’s settled for being a mix between Johnny Cash and Ray Charles. He’s also a gifted song writer and serves as the lyricist on Reincarnate.

Antony Tremaine. Hadie’s boyfriend and singing partner. Guitarist. Serves as the composer for Reincarnate. Gave Persey the idea for the movie by gifting them The Time Traveller’s Wife for their birthday. He’s also giving Mallory elocution lessons in preparation for the Regency and Victorian segments of the movie.

[millennial-book-review]

Sea of Storms

I recently finished Sea of Storms and my review is now live.

Sea of Storms is a 2022 fantasy romance novel by Lindsey Pogue. It was published by Roar Press and was released in November 2022. The novel is the second entry in the Ruined Lands series, but it can be read as a standalone. It’s a retelling of the Norse myth of Skadi and Njord. The Reaper’s name is whispered throughout Norseland–the infamous sea captain who visits the frozen kingdom with each…

[archonofdivinity]

I am not fucking kidding by the way this all happened. every time I relook at this stuff I cry

“When you see how they look at each other you can tell they’re not just prime minister and deputy” honestly politics rpf haters would lose their minds at the absolute shit that was happening in 2010

the idea of political rpf is actually hilarious if you think about it. back in the 1960s a band made a postcard to promote one of their songs and it pictured the prime minister in bed with his secretary. in the 2010s everyone thought there was something gay between the prime minister and his deputy and they made a ship name for it and everything. thank you british politics fandom

[hjordiscave]

🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑

[im-a-wizard-dammit]

"The weather is relatively queer--I mean clear."

--the DM

[detroitlib]

From our stacks: Cover detail and excerpt from Valhalla. The Myths of the Norseland. A Saga, in Twelve Parts by Julia Clinton Jones. New York: R. Worthington, 1880.

[quinloki]

Since I suppose I should shout out a book if I going to mention it:

The Angel Wore Fangs: A Deadly Angels Book

Our Viking Angel Vampire's name is Cnut Sigurdsson.

and yeah, I read that first name wrong too.

Back cover blurb under the cut

Once guilty of the deadly sin of gluttony, thousand-year-old Viking vampire angel Cnut Sigurdsson is now a lean, mean, vampire-devil fighting machine. His new side-job? No biggie: just ridding the world of a threat called ISIS while keeping the evil Lucipires (demon vampires) at bay. So when chef Andrea Stewart hires him to rescue her sister from a cult recruiting terrorists at a Montana dude ranch, vangel turns cowboy. Yeehaw! 

The too-tempting mortal insists on accompanying him, surprising Cnut with her bravery at every turn. But with terrorists stalking the ranch in demonoid form, Cnut tele-transports Andrea and himself out of danger-accidentally into the 10th Century Norselands. 

Suddenly, they have to find their way back to the future to save her family and the world . . . and to satisfy their insatiable attraction.

My favorite human read me a thing about a romance novel that had two of the following elements:

A viking angel vampire who fights nazis, who's so hot to trot for his lady love he almost had an - and I quote - "dick aneurysm." (cock stroke was RIGHT THERE, how could you?)

and

A penis so large his lady love was "fulfilling fulfilled."

I really don't want to hear ANYONE say fan fic gets cringe.

Not that I wanted to hear it before now, but still.

[darkdevasofdestruction]

Beauty and the Beast ~ Ajax x Reader

Yes, I am writing a fanfic for Ajax from Age of Mythology.

Don't question my judgement, for I have none.

I seriously need to stop writing random things and playing long-ass strategy games and actually fkn study for my exams ;;

--------------

Today was supposed to be just another casual day in the life of Y/N, a woman that preferred to live a simple and solitary life away from the busy streets of Greece. What is better than dedicating your life to serving the most amazing Goddesses, Artemis and Athena respectively, considering they were the sole reason this woman was still alive, for the matter?

They mercy manifested since she was just an infant, as she was abandoned in the middle of the forest, ready to be prey for whatever animal there was, but a mystical silver deer appeared and took care of her as if she was her own child.

Later on in life, she trained and trained to be a powerful warrior, for beauty and intelligence she had plenty, and she couldn't rely on the blessings of the Gods alone to survive in life.

And that is how she met Arkantos one day, an Atlantean general who set to fight the numerous pirates and villains that were attacking his homeland and his beautiful family. This man had a wife and a son just about her age, at the time they met and fought together, fearless, side by side, and so, he became protective over her without even realising at first. He and his wife even offered her shelter, and she accepted, at least for a little while, until tragedy befell them, and Kamos, the horrible minotaur pirate, somehow managed to kill Arkantos's wife, and since then, nothing was ever the same.

Over 15 years passed since than, and Y/N found herself in yet another adventure, guided by her Goddesses, into the unknown land of Troy, only to find the very man in cause on a small island close to country that was raging with war, as he was fighting his way to defeat Kamos and take back Poseidon's stolen Trident.

"Arkantos, what a surprise. I never believed we'd meet again, especially under suck circumstances." Y/N chuckled, offering the man a light hug as soon as the battle was over and they sailed for Troy. "Likewise, I might say. You've grown up so much, but you remained as beautiful as ever. The Gods truly favour you. What brings you here?" he asked, leaning his back on the edge of the boat, as the girl was looking into the horizon. "I don't really know, to be fair. Athena told me that I am ready for another adventure, but told me naught any detail. Well, I was getting pretty bored, I might say, so there's no harm. Besides, Artemis promised me that I would find a Teumessian fox, isn't that incredible?" she smiled softly and very much carefree. "Yes, that would be quite a feat. We are going to war, Y/N, are you sure you want to put your life at risk for something that doesn't concern you?" the Atlantean asked, only to receive a scoff of annoyance. "Doesn't concern me? Arkantos, as far as I'm concern, you are the only father figure I've had in my entire life. If your home is at risk, then my own home might as well be, even though I'm Greek, not Atlantean myself. Besides, we both know we won't die so easily. We've been through worse things, I'm sure we can handle some...Some stupid minotaur pirate and his angry force of plebeians." she glared at him, which made him laugh and loosen up. "Yes, of course, you are right. Then, you better sharpen your sword and poison your arrows, it's going to be a hell of a fight and a very long journey." he explained casually, and letting the soothing sound of the waves breaking against their boat, they finally arrived at their destination.

The troops followed them down, out of their boats, and as they were ready to make further into the the land, they were stopped by a man clad in silver armor and a ridiculous helmet...However, he seemed to know Arkantos, considering he talked so casually.

As they greeted each other, Y/N took out a poisoned arrow and shoot just past Agamemnon's ear, ready to find its way into the man behind him, only for him to block it easily with his gigantic shield.

"That's no proper way of greeting an ally, I'd say." the man wearing the head of a lion spoke in a gruff, yet somewhat amused voice. "Y/N, this is Ajax, an old friend and a great warrior. He is our ally." Arkantos almost sweat dropped at the impulsiveness and slight daring playfulness of the girl's actions. "Oh...Well, when you look like a giant monster, you have to expect to get attacked more often. Besides, it's your own fault for wearing such a thing, it almost makes you look like a Chimera or a...dumb Troll." Y/N's sharp tongue lashed out, making her friend almost panic at how terrible things were going. "Hah, what a daring lass!" Ajax's barking laugh echoed through the place as he made his way in front of her, towering over her seemingly double in height and four times in terms of mass. "You see, most people are so afraid of me, they don't dare approach me enough to attack me." he continued, and to continue the string of unexpected feats, he picked her up effortlessly, putting her on his shoulder as if she was nothing more than a little girl's doll. "Arkantos! Make your dumb bear friend put me down! This behaviour is incredibly disrespectful and I do not appreciate being picked up so randomly by such an impolite brute!" she struggled to get out of his grasp, but the man only seemed to laugh even more. "Honestly, Ajax...I'm very surprised to see you still drawing breath. Do put her down, it's been a long journey and I fear how much more fighting we're going to have to endure further." the poor man tried to pacify the situation, as, with great displeasure, the bear man let her unceremoniously fall down on the ground with a pained huff. "These Trojan dogs keep trying, my friend...Good to see you again. And you too, missy. Who did you upset this time to get sent so far from home?" he asked with as much glee, yet it was pretty difficult to realise what emotion he was feeling, considering his voice was constantly one octave lower than anyone else's. "Well..Someone had to come and help you put an end to this." Arkantos jokes, happy that their little banter finally stopped. "Helen is behind their walls, and we've had little luck breaking through." the shieldman spoke, explaining the situation, though, very much ambiguous and vague for the girl to understand. "We are about to change that. You have arrived in time for our final push. Get your men ashore, you can make your camp to the east - But be careful. The Trojans have some scouts in that area. When you're done, we will start preparations for our assault." the King explained the situation, but it only confused the girl even further. "Hold up, someone explain this to me...You're fighting...Over a woman? A woman who ran away from her future husband to elope with a man whom she finds more attractive? And now you are actually going to war to rescue her when she doesn't even want to be rescued?" the look of disbelief on Y/N's face made the trio of men look at her weirdly, and the king was almost offended. "There's no way Helen would want to marry someone else other than my brother!" oh, the indignation... "Tell that to Paris. Anyway, wherever Arkantos is going, so am I, so let's get this over with. I just hope this silly war isn't the reason Athena dragged me away from home..." shrugging, Y/N went on, following her friend to establish a settlement and get enough resources to build an army and destroy the enemies.

Many days passed, and Y/N continued to avoid Ajax like the plague, much to his confusion, but whenever he'd look at Arkantos questioningly, hoping to get an answer from him, if she wasn't going to speak to him, the man would just shrug since he wasn't completely sure why she was avoiding his friend like that, but also, he didn't quite yet forget the Goddesses she was worshipping.

Though it may seem tragic or sad for a human to be so lonely all the time, without a partner or a family to be there for them, for good and for bad, both Athena and Artemis vowed to remain unmarried and virgin, and by the looks of it, Y/N was going to follow in their path.

But she wasn't a Goddess, she wasn't truly immortal, so why did she have to submit herself to such martyrdom of loneliness, when she was so beautiful and bright that she could capture any man, so much more than Helen ever could?

And thus, they set out to defeat their unlikely enemies, they met up with the mighty Odysseus and managed to siege the gates of Troy while Ajax had to aid the King to infiltrate and rescue the problem woman.

However, things didn't go as smoothly as expected, as a messenger came up to the three commanders and told them the very bear of a man was surrounded by enemies who attacked his camp.

"Odyssues, Y/N, we must rescue them!" Arkantos exclaimed, as the woman's sharp sight analysed carefully the battlefield in which the giant man was fighting all by himself, circled by enemies. "Ah...So I guess he isn't as unstoppable as he thinks he is. Too bad." she chuckled, taunting him, as she extended her arms as if she was drawing a bow of light, sent by Artemis and her twin brother, Apollo, to aid her, and thus, a great arrow of light pierced through most of the enemies. "Are you going to just stand there and watch me in wonder, or defend yourself? If you wish to build me a temple and start worshipping me, I won't say no, but you must be alive to be able to do such a feat." she spoke up louder, from the top of the hill she was staying on, she she could have perfect vision and aim on the enemies. "Now that's what I call a rescue!" Ajax guffawed mirthfully as he used his spear and shield to do away with the rest of the parasites. "Ah, nice even a single scratch! That's what I call a flawless victory!" he boasted, only to get kicked in the shin by the girl who scowled at him. "Say that without needing a rescue next time, you dumb bear." she scoffed indignantly at him, almost missing the amused grin on his face. "This lass is really something else." although, the bickering didn't stop for the whole time - Hell, even when they recaptured their camp and completely destroyed the enemy.

That is, until they found out Agamemnon's been attacked while they were too busy fighting, and thus, they had to go back to him and rescue him...But the coward wanted to escape instead of fighting back smartly.

He was completely demoralised upon seeing how the Trojans burnt their food rations and most of the ships, so he thought there was no means of winning such a war! Oh, how stupid one must be, when you have the best fighters in the whole worlds by your side!

"We should think of a way of fighting smartly...To deceive them somehow into thinking we've surrendered, but instead, we'll attack them at night, when they least expect it." Y/N pointed out, pondering a plan. "Oh, of course! Poseidon is the lord of horses. In Atlantis, a defeated general surrenders his horse when beaten." Arkantos explained, concocting a great scheme. "Ah...! Yes, that could work!" Y/N smiled at the brilliant idea. "A horse...Yes! A great wooden horse!" Odysseus seemed very pleased with the idea as well. "I don't understand...Will it fight?" hearing that, the trio facepalmed in disbelief, choosing to ignore his comment. "I know you're a dumb bear who's only good for fighting, but I didn't imagine the Gods didn't bless you with any amount of intelligence." Y/N sighed, shaking her head. "Then make sense when you're speaking!" he shot right back, but Odysseus intervened. "We can have this done quickly and we don't have to rebuild any of the siege." he spoke, and Y/N looked at their surroundings, thinking carefully. "We will need most of the villagers on chopping wood. I think about...1000 pieces would be about enough. Until then, we better protect everyone." Y/N explained, leaving her spot to go up on the hill and be on the look out for any enemy scouts or armies that may attack.

Thanks to her perfect accuracy and precision, however, she managed to repel most of the riding scouts. She didn't realise when it happened, but she found herself back to back with Ajax who said he was bored of standing around with the other two who were overseeing the construction of the great wooden horse.

"Your hair is messy." he said rather awkwardly, putting a loose strand of hair over her ear. "Wait, what, really? How did that happen?!" she blinked in shock, quickly putting back the bow and arrow and taking out a hand mirror from her pouch and inspecting her hairdo. "Why didn't you say anything sooner? It looks awful! Here, hold this, I need to redo it quickly." she thrusted the mirror in his hand and guided his hands so it will stay perfectly still in the position she needed so she could see herself and dexterously style her hair.

Ajax watched with a foreign kind of admiration as the girl let her long hair down, just curly enough to be stylish, as it was previously braided tightly after washing it, and now she did a very complicated hairdo with a thin shawl, yet her hair was still cascading gracefully over her shoulders, down to the middle of her back. She looked more like a Goddess than even Aphrodite, Ajax thought, as he watched her fingers work to quickly, and she made it look so easy, but he was well aware that, should he be in the tragic position to attempt something like that with his thick, calloused and awkward fingers, he'd very much fail.

However, his admiring was cut as he intercepted a stray arrow coming towards them, aiming straight for the girl, so with his falcon reflexes, he put his arm around Y/N, pulling her protectively into his chest, while he used the mirror to block the arrow.

And, of course, the silver mirror broke.

"Are you alright, Y/N? Those damned Trojans just never know when to stop. I will put their heads on a spike very soon!" he growled, as the girl said nothing but snatched the broken mirror from his hands. "...Great. You have a shield bigger than me, but you had to use my mirror to block a stupid arrow." she sighed, looking down with an upset expression. "I couldn't reach it in time, and I don't think you wanted to have an arrow sticking from your back." he commented, but his comment only made her shrug. "Well, the only inconvenience would be that my clothes would be stained with blood. Not like I was going to die or anything...But what am I gonna do now, anyway? I have no more mirrors so I can't do my hair or make up, and what is worse, this was a gift from Arkantos's wife who, mind you, was killed by Kamos some time ago, so there's nothing I can do about it now. Too bad." she threw the broken mirror back in the pouch, turning around to look at the approaching army and the nasty chimera. "Uh...Sorry? I think?" he awkwardly apologised, but he got no response from her - Instead, with a composed aggressiveness, she started shooting poisoned, flaming arrows towards the enemies approaching, trying to kill away the frustration caused by them. "Well...The horse is almost completed, it seems. We can return now. Oh, by the way...Next time we make camp, let's stay near a waterfall or something. I need some clear water soon." she spoke with a cold nonchalance as she jogged back to the camp, leaving the man to trail behind her like a confused puppy.

The plan was for Agamemnon to take the boats and the rest of the soldiers and sail out of the sight of the trojans, while the quartet would hide inside the Wooden Horse and infiltrate the base of the enemies and destroy it from within, giving the King the opportunity to strike back as soon as they open the gates for him.

It was a pretty difficult feat for the big, burly man who was used to being very load, so sneaking around came with a lot of scolding from the girl and plenty of slaps on his arm.

At least this mission was easy enough and the King came by just in time to destroy everything with the aid of his Golden Colossi. However, Arkantos's boats were completely destroyed, so they had to sail to the nearest dock and get new ones...And Ajax decided to continue following them.

There, they learnt from an old man that nasty pirated terrorised the island and captured the centaur Chiron, and now, they had to rescue him.

"Who is...Chiron?" Arkantos asked, making the girl gasp, very much offended. "What do you mean - Who is Chiron -?? You don't know the legendary Centaur? The wisest of them all? Also, my master who taught me medicine and archery. You are a disgrace, Arkantos! Unbelievable!" Y/N scolded her friend, only for him to nod with a sigh. "Fine then, if he is so important, then let's save him." he agreed, and in the meantime, they rescued a lot of imprisoned citizens and centaurs, using them as army.

Of course, the rescue went smoothly, and with this, their united forces were enough to kill Kamos...But now, Gargarensis and Kemsyt were a much bigger threat.

And then, after such a long journey, they found their way in Egypt, where they met a woman, Amanra, over whom Y/N fawned, since her beauty and strength were legendary, and after helping her out with some tasks, she guided them to one of her camps, where they could rest. This camp was near a small waterfall and the girl told them she was going to bathe and fix herself up. It has been a while since she's properly done her hair and make up, so why not get prettied up before the big battle?

Taking out her clothes, she got into the water, shuddering a bit at the cool water, but it was pretty refreshing, considering the hot and cold they've been through, and the long journeys that took a toll on their sore muscles.

She hummed softly to herself, a passive smile gracing her features, and resting on a rock, she started combing her long hair, looking up at the fluffy clouds, allowing herself to relax a bit.

The sound of someone exhaling content and the sound of entering in the water. Y/N squeaked in shock and quickly dived back in the water, hiding behind the rock, only timidly peeking to see who it was.

And of course, it just had to be Ajax.

"What in the world are you doing here, you dumb, very very dumb, stupid bear! I told you I was going to be here, can't I even bathe in peace?" she scowled at him, only to see him look at her with shock. "Uh...I think Arkantos forgot to mention that. Well, uh...I had something that I wanted to clean and give to you. But, uh...I guess I didn't choose the best time, huh?" he chuckled awkwardly, taking off the lion head from his head and scrubbing the thing, before extending his hand to show it to her. "...Is that a mirror?" her voice was much softer, and her face was no longer twisted with annoyance, was calmer and much more curious. "Yeah. I felt bad about what happened before, and uh...Amanra gave me this. It's not as great as the one you had, but...Sorry, I guess." he apologised, making the girl look at him with wide, shocked eyes, and blushing, she hid a bit more behind the rock, bashfully. "Well...I guess you're not as bad as I thought. You're forgiven. Although...I was never mad at you to begin with. Thank you...Ajax. But if you want to stay here, you have to turn around." she commanded quickly, which amused him. "You worship Artemis and Athena, but you're better than them. Your husband must be lucky." he laughed, only to be met with silence. "I...I'm not married, Ajax. What gave you that impression, anyway?" she asked in shock, only for the man to turn around, surprised at what he heard, which in turn spooked her, making her dive down into the water. "Idiot, don't do things like that without a warning!" "How are you not married?! You must be joking!" he asked, making the girl blush. "...My Goddesses are sworn to remain unmarried and virgin forever." she muttered, looking away. "But you are not them. Besides, didn't they fall in love at some point, or something?" he pointed out, which was met by silence for a few seconds, before Y/N rose from under the water, her long hair gracefully covering her torso. "And their lovers died. Every time. Orion was killed by Apollo, jealous on his relationship with his sister, Artemis, and his body was made celestial, up in the sky. And Prometheus...You know very well he is still out there, immortal, getting his liver eaten daily by an eagle, because he insulted Zeus. Now, why would I go through the pain of falling in love, only to have that snatched away from me like that? I am selfish, Ajax. You wouldn't understand. You don't fear the Gods. You defy them...But sooner or later, you will do something stupid and get yourself killed." as she said that, she made her way in front of him, taking the mirror from his hand. "People know me as Ajax the Great. I've made my way here without any help from the Gods, there's no way I'd let them take me away from you, just like that." he boasted confidently, pulling Y/N into an embrace, cradling her to his chest, which made her squeak in surprise and tense up, her hands resting on his broad chest. "You are reckless, Ajax. Make sure it doesn't come biting you. I won't forgive you if anything happens to you. I had to save you once, better not make me save you a second time. It would be embarrassing for someone like you to be saved by someone half his size, don't you think?" she jested, casually teasing him, only to feeling his large hands cupping her face, and as she timidly looked up at him, he leaned down to kiss her. It was unexpectedly loving and passionate, not rough and aggressive, as he usually is, and if he wasn't going to worship any Goddess, he was going to worship her. "I'll let you kill me if I do something ridiculous again, how is that?" he grinned playfully at her, making her nod. "Okay, fine, sounds fair. We can work with that." she agreed, and walking away from him, she went to the shore to get dressed and do her make up - Once again, Ajax was the one to hold the mirror for her. "Since when do you do this?" he asked casually, and without breaking concentration, she answered. "Quite a while. Arkantos's wife said that even though I am a fighter, I am still a woman, so I should take care of how I look...So I'm doing that. It's not bad,

you know? It feels rather good to be pretty while you massacre an army of Trojans." she laughed, carefully applying eye shadow and eyeliner. "And it's nice for my eyes too." he laughed, making the girl shake her head in disbelief. "No, don't put that thing on your lips. It will smear all over your pretty face...And mine too." he smirked boldly, only for the girl to look at him with a warning look, before looking away to laugh. "You're a fool, Ajax, do you know that? A very bold one, while at it, but still a fool." yet, nonetheless, she closed the small lipstick container, putting it back in her pouch. "There, are you happy now? Everywhere else is off-limits, I don't want to have it completely destroyed because of some silly bear who can't keep his hands to himself." she taunted him, only for him to pick her up again, a barking laugh resounding through the place. "You say I am bold and reckless, but you are no different, lass." this earned an eyeroll, but it was no longer hostile or annoyed.

Since then, the atmosphere around the group lightened significantly, but neither was upfront about this new affection towards one another, yet the protectiveness was pretty obvious, and while Arkantos noticed this change in behaviour quite fast, he wasn't going to say anything. Sometimes, it's better to let things be and go along with the flow of the Nile, as Amanra once said.

Sooner rather than later, the campaign in Egypt was finished, and they found themselves braving the merciless cold of the mighty Norselands, where they were met with a gorgeous Valkyre leader called Reginleif who could heal her peers, the same as Y/N could.

Chiron's unexpected death in Erebus was a huge blow for Y/N, and she has been distraught ever since - To save your master, only to have him die to save everyone isn't the most exciting thing that could happen, and since then, Y/N has been much quieter and more pensive than usual, much to Ajax's dismay, who realised that he wasn't really sure how to comfort someone, except to hold them as they wept.

Thankfully, this fateful journey was nearing its end, as they reached the borders of Atlantis once more, ready to take on Gargarensis and finish this whole ordeal forever.

Arkantos and Odysseus talked the right side of the place, while Y/N and Ajax went to the left, both to cover more ground, but also, catch the enemy in a pincer attack.

Unfortunately for the couple, they had to split at some point, since a very annoying bifurcation in the path appeared, and with heavy hearts, and the promise of returning as fast as possible, they went along their respective path.

Y/N's path led into a dead end, a huge mountain that seemed never-ending wall that blocked her way, so she rushed to backtrack her steps so she could hopefully catch up with the bear man.

Much to her dismay, she found him being painfully squished by the horrible giant cyclops, the very dreaded enemy Gargarensis. Despite all her training, Y/N panicked, unsure of what to do - The enemy was so close to the edge of the cliff, she was afraid that, should she start attacking him with arrows, he'd just throw him away, so she had to act smart.

"Athena, Artemis, please, hear my plea! Give me strength and wisdom on how to rescue the one I love!" and she waited...And waited...But she got no response.

Why aren't they answering her call? What happened?

Were the Goddesses...Jealous...? That she, who swore herself to the same life as them, found a lover, and they wanted him to have the same fate as their own lovers did?

How selfish.

"Aphrodite, please, I beg of you, help me out. I love Ajax as much as you love Ares, so please, give me a sign...Anything! I just want to save him, no matter what happens to me!" however, this plea wasn't answered either, which meant she had to act alone...

As Ajax once said - I can do anything I want without the help of anyone - Then, in this situation, she must act sooner, or else he will perish.

Biting her lip, Y/N took out her bow and started shooting arrows at the massive cyclops, shouting swears and insults at him, hoping it would anger him enough to avert his attention to her.

And it worked.

With a mighty growl, he started charging at her, his huge club swinging madly around, as all she could do was jump around, trying to avoid getting swatted like a fly.

But she got caught, and with his gigantic hand, he trapped her petite body, squishing it as if she was a mouse with its right to breathe completely revoked.

She heard her name be shouted numerous times, and she new by whom, but in the end, she looked up at the sky and before realising, she started glowing very powerfully, blinding the cyclops enough to let go of her - And thankfully, her lover caught her just in time, so she won't hit the ground.

"Are you alright?! What the hell was in your head, doing something like that?!" Ajax scolded her, as she tried to regain her breath. "I had to rescue you, right? You got yourself caught, the Gods didn't answer, so I had to act! Besides...I think Aphrodite answered, in the end." she chuckled softly, jumping from his arms and dragging him away. "Well, you should glow more often, it suits you." although he said that, Y/N stopped abruptly in her tracks, looking at him weirdly. "Ajax...Have you always...Had shadows around you?!" she asked weirdly, as the man looked at the dark aura around himself. "Nope. But I think Ares wants to protect Aphrodite as much as I want to protect you." he smirked, fearlessly looking at the cyclops approaching. "Don't get cocky, Ajax!" she warned him, but there was no way to go through his thick skull. "Don't worry, I can't get more reckless than you, Y/N!" his boasting made Y/N feel more at ease, as he charged to the cyclops, bashing him with his shield and piercing him with his spear.

Likewise, Y/N took out her arrows - Now blessed with the light and poison of Aphrodite, and started continuously shooting them at the enemy who kept getting blinded by her, and very much annoyed by their new powers.

Because of such a powerful light, Arkantos and Odysseus found their way to aid them, and thus, the final boss was killed once and for all, never able to achieve the gift from Kronos, the ultimate immortality he dreamt of for so long.

"We have defeated Gargarensis!" Arkantos hurled his weapon high into the air in victory. "Now then, let's get this over with!" and so, taking a large age, Ajax had Gargarensis kneel on the ground as he finally decapitated him - Something he promised since the beginning of this campaign. "Finally! Now we can live in peace. Honestly, this adventure was more of a hassle than it had to be. Can we go home now? Wait, not you, Arkantos, you're already home!" Y/N teased, feeling at ease knowing that the evil has been defeated. "You're right. It's about time I go back to my wife. I'm sure she's worried sick about me." Odysseus smiled, thinking about the woman he loves so much. "What about you, Ajax? What are you going to do?" Arkantos asked, seeing his friend shrug. "No clue. Where do you wanna go, Y/N?" he smirked, and while the woman was ready to tear him apart, she merely sighed, defeated, already used to his silly behaviour, and shrugged as well. "Might as well visit Aphrodite's and Ares's temples, and then...Who knows? I'm sure we'll find a new adventure to go on pretty soon. There's no moment of stillness with you around...You absolute dumb bear of a man." she laughed at him, unable to even bother trying to scold him anymore, knowing there was no way to stop him. "Take care of him, Y/N, he'll need that. Don't let him get himself killed, he's known to have such tendencies." Arkantos teased them, as Y/N waved at them, hooking her arm with her new lover and walking away. "Sure, I'll make sure he stays alive, somehow. See you again, you two!" and thus, the couple left their friends to their own lives. "So...Where are we going?" Ajax asked once again, once they were far away from the others. "No idea. Let's explore the world and have fun. How's that sound?" she asked, getting on her tippy toes to get closer to his face. "Haven't heard better words in my life, Y/N." and saying so, he engulfed her into a warm, loving embrace pulling her flush against his chest, and gazing into her lovely eyes. "By the Gods, how happy I am I told you not to wear lipstick." ending with a smirk, he captured her lips in a passionate kiss, hearing her sweet giggle between each one, more and more playful.

[tunemyart]

Please, Amy, please write the Xena-is-actually-Sappho crackfic! I could think of no one better suited 😁

I've been saving this bc I don't think I'll ever be able to provide in prose format but can absolutely write as a bullet point list.

In S1, Xena doesn’t accompany Gabrielle to the Academy, though she volunteers to take her “at least as far as Athens.” Why would Xena not volunteer to accompany her all the way to the Academy if she’s gonna go all the way to Athens anyway? Could it be… because everybody knows her there and would be like “oh hey what’s up Sappho?”?????

Xena won’t read Gabrielle’s scrolls until S5! Which is also really sus!!! WHY NOT SAPPHO?? Already too much hero worship? Can’t stand ur girlfriend’s early writing? (She’s working on it!!!) Don’t want to end up turning every cuddling and canoodling session into a writing tips session?? (Okay valid, but - )

Which is another thing!! There’s a certain point at which it’s gone on for so long that there’s no way Xena can possibly reveal she’s Sappho, simply bc Gabrielle would never believe it. Like can you imagine - hey, Gabrielle, I just came back from the dead/we’re about to be crucified together/you just delivered my child and now we’re moms, I have something to tell you.

I mean, consider the fact that when we do see Xena writing, she writes Gabrielle actually beautiful and poetic letters. I mean, can you even believe some of this stuff: [upon the occasion of their being merged into the same body] “In the same way that the world shares day and night, and never sees the same two together” [and all our personal favorite, upon going to the Norselands by herself] “Whatever happens, know that my love for you is endless.”

Does this sound to you like somebody who is not good at writing? Bc it does not to me!

I know, I know, now you’re gonna ask me - but what about all those sold out Sappho concerts? It’s hard to hide from your wife that you’re THE rock star of the ancient world. Au contraire! They split up often enough, sometimes we don’t even get a reason for why they’ve decided to do so.

Salmoneus is absolutely her stage manager, and it’s a running joke how often he’s 1) almost given it away to Gabrielle and 2) how oblivious Gabrielle remains despite that, probably bc she quite logically thinks there’s only room for one famous bard in her and Xena’s relationship.

Which leads me at last to: Many Happy Returns.

We're to believe that Xena went to all the trouble of not only a) buying tickets to a Sappho concert for Gabrielle (for which she, a detail-persnickety long-con-runner, forgot the dates? twice???) but b) getting an audience with her? and c) commissioning a poem from her??? which Xena then d) very unconvincingly playacted not knowing what said poem contained???? The poem was clearly the intended gift all along, sure, but I’m twirling my mustache re: why…

(*cough* it’s bc she was actually in cahoots with Aphrodite during Many Happy Returns to both plant the idea of meeting Sappho as a plausible thing Xena might have done and then distract her from the dangerous idea fact that there’s a suspicious connection between Xena and Sappho *cough*)

Also insert your Xena(Sappho)/Aphrodite headcanon here all “Ode to Aphrodite” style

In conclusion! Xena: Warrior Princess is actually the story of one bard who writes about the woman she loves and one poet who finally wrote a poem for the woman she loves in the triumphant series finale.

#lovewins!!!!!