#honestly the inclusion of ISIS and the phrase “Lucipires” kind of turns me off from it

[quinloki]

Since I suppose I should shout out a book if I going to mention it:

The Angel Wore Fangs: A Deadly Angels Book

Our Viking Angel Vampire's name is Cnut Sigurdsson.

and yeah, I read that first name wrong too.

Back cover blurb under the cut

Once guilty of the deadly sin of gluttony, thousand-year-old Viking vampire angel Cnut Sigurdsson is now a lean, mean, vampire-devil fighting machine. His new side-job? No biggie: just ridding the world of a threat called ISIS while keeping the evil Lucipires (demon vampires) at bay. So when chef Andrea Stewart hires him to rescue her sister from a cult recruiting terrorists at a Montana dude ranch, vangel turns cowboy. Yeehaw! 

The too-tempting mortal insists on accompanying him, surprising Cnut with her bravery at every turn. But with terrorists stalking the ranch in demonoid form, Cnut tele-transports Andrea and himself out of danger-accidentally into the 10th Century Norselands. 

Suddenly, they have to find their way back to the future to save her family and the world . . . and to satisfy their insatiable attraction.

My favorite human read me a thing about a romance novel that had two of the following elements:

A viking angel vampire who fights nazis, who's so hot to trot for his lady love he almost had an - and I quote - "dick aneurysm." (cock stroke was RIGHT THERE, how could you?)

and

A penis so large his lady love was "fulfilling fulfilled."

I really don't want to hear ANYONE say fan fic gets cringe.

Not that I wanted to hear it before now, but still.