#nor will i ever forgive the other parties for pretending their hearts are red and best to the left

[shararan]

Sweden is all for Palestine until it's actually about doing something. Fucking cowardly nation hasn't changed since WW2, propping ourselves up as particularly enlightened by being ""neutral"" when that's just not admitting the actual stance we take as a nation. Easy to preach about peace and putting aside our differences when not having to face the consequenses of the lack of said peace, all while profiting from our weapons export and playing a major role in upholding the global status quo.

Kräket Kristersson can whine all day about "fighting antisemitism" but if he and his gooneys cared even the tiniest bit about such then it's curious how non existent the care for swedish jews is. But what is the othering of one minority group when the oppression of our many minorities is a century long tradition amirite?!

It's literally just wanting a piece of the colonial cake in the region, all while islamophobia AND antisemitism both have brewed non stop for years. The government approved public quran and torah burnings in the same time period, going against the supposed laws and regulations they fervently claimed allowed it.

Not only does the state now debate whether or not Sweden should withdraw our recognition of Palestine's statehood, we can't even grow enough of a spine and instead abstain in the vote for ceasefire.

Never in a thousand years fall for the self infantilizing marketing scheme Sweden has painted up for itself. This is no socialist paradise, and the heroic deeds the nation prides itself on were done by individuals who went against the machine of uncaring indifference. Never forget how far our capitalism reach all over the world while acting like the consequences is somehow just an unfortunate coincidence ("not as bad as USA"), and never forget that our 200 year long freedom from war and conflict is only because we sacrificed others around us.

It's not unexpected for Sweden to pretend Palestine cannot be saved and that it's too complicated to take a stand after our part in WW2, but you'd hope that the self righteous and conscious ignorance act would get fucking old to people at some point.

[emo-toaster]

Since some of you asked— I'll be trying to write a Beauty and the Beast fic with YN and Gyutaro . Yay (๑>◡<๑)

This post contains both prologue and chapter 1! Also, I'll try to make Y/N as gender neutral as I can!

Warning! English is my second language. If you find any errors in my writing, please understand. I used autocorrect to help me with my grammar and spelling, so I'm deeply sorry if any mistakes were made. Dyslexia + writing in a second language = challenging task (ᵕ—ᴗ—)

Anyways, enjoy!!!

✦————————————————————————————————————————✦

✦————————————————————————————————————————✦

Beauty and the Beast.

Miko’s attempt at making a good fic.

✦————————————————————————✦

Prologue

✦————————————————————————✦

Once upon a time, in the heart of Japan, on the outskirts of Yoshiwara, there was a castle. In this very castle, there once was a prince. A prince with a heart so cold, cruel and petty that people’s faces twisted with disgust and fear even by hearing his name. He taxed the district that was under his rule; so he could fill his castle with only the most beautiful, expensive objects and to have only beautiful and high-ranking guests at extravagant parties he threw.

But one night, a ‘doctor’ with her assistant entered the castle; looking for shelter from the ruthless storm and bitter cold outside. In exchange for help, the doctor wanted to offer the prince a single red rose. The prince wanted to turn them away immediately, ignoring the gift, blinded by his own bitterness, but the woman warned him not to be so quick and act without thinking about his actions first. When the prince wanted to turn to violence instead, the woman revealed herself, surprisingly due to her calm nature, as a powerful demonic being. Seeing that there was no love nor compassion in the prince’s heart, she and her assistant transformed the prince into a literal demon, casting a powerful spell on the castle and all those who lived there.

The rose; a gift from the mysterious Lady, would bloom until the prince’s 26th birthday. If he could learn to love another and forget about his violent ways until the last petal of the flower fell, the spell would be broken. If not; he would be doomed to remain a bloodthirsty monster for all eternity.

Days bled into years, and the prince and his servants were forgotten by the world... The powerful castle, claimed by the deep, snowy forest around it, became cut off from the rest of the world. With every passing day, the prince fell into despair and lost all of his hope.

For who could ever learn to love a beast?

.

.

.

✦————————————————————————————————————————✦

Chapter 1: One single rose

✦————————————————————————✦

”Good morning!”

There was silence for a moment, before at least ten different voices repeated the greeting. Little town, a small, quiet village; every day was like the one before. People rushed to the market, buying eggs, rice and vegetables. Merchants walked through the main streets, selling coal, wood, fabrics or such. Children played around, running, singing songs or fighting each other with long sticks, pretending to be mighty warriors. Your basket was slowly filled up with groceries; fish, fruit, vegetables. There was the merchant with his rice as always, the same old things to sell. Every day was just the same, since the day that you and your father came to this small, safe town. People talked, laughed, or even gossiped. Every second, a new voice was audible in the crowd.

“Ah, good morning there! ” A sweet voice called to you before a sweet maiden came over.

“Good morning. Miss Koyuki! Have you lost something again?” You called back with a smile as the girl approached.

“I’m not sure…oh well, I’ll hopefully find it one day. Where are you off to?” She asked with a sweet smile, looking over at you with those big, warm eyes.

“I’m going home…with a new book; it’s about two lovers who lived in the west”

“Sounds so sweet! Hm— I feel like I'm missing something again, forgive me!” Koyuki answered before waving goodbye and going back to her own problems. It was always like this, something seemed to escape her mind every time you saw that sweet damsel. As if something was there once, but then suddenly disappeared.

It was another day, like dozens of other days here. The same people, same routine and same town over and over again. You were never a permanent part of any crowd, maybe because sometimes your head was stuck on some cloud, and people saw you as the funny one. Father said that it was safe, that it was good, that it was just how things were everywhere. But how can this be compared to all the stories you saw written on paper? Brave warriors, beautiful women, curses, battles, monsters and so much more were right there, in the books you managed to collect over the years. Even if it wasn’t much, it had to do. How many times have you dreamt of leaving this place, of just seeking something more out there? This place wasn’t bad of course, but you had a feeling, a small voice inside your head was telling you that something way greater was waiting out there just to be discovered, seen, understood. There had to be more than this simple life.

You seemed so peculiar to all those around you, like a puzzle to be solved, but all those things could just fade away when a book was opened by you. Oh, it was so amazing. And this exact book had your favorite part in it; the one where the protagonist meets their prince charming, but they don’t discover that it’s him until chapter 6.

The town lived its own life, but there was one person focused on you at that moment. Kaigaku. His eyes narrowed slightly as he looked in your direction after finishing his spare with Zenitsu.

“Look there, my future spouse. They're the fairest of them all in this little shithole. When I become a great samurai, they will be right at my side, all sweet and all.”

Kaigaku hummed before tossing the wooden katana away, before Zenitsu picked it up.

“True, but they're more into— you know. Doesn't grandpa say it's good to share interests?”

Zenitsu answered meekly before looking up at Kaigaku while they both stared at you passing through the market.

“I don't really care, but I feel like I'm missing something…and they give me this thrill”

Kaigaku hummed before walking towards the market as Zenitsu followed along. From the moment Kaigaku met you, saw you, he thought you're gorgeous and he fell. So he had been making plans to woo and marry you for a while now. It was like chasing something so rare and unobtainable, it always gave him those chills that he slowly grew to like more and more.

You slowly moved through the streets, looking into one of the books belonging to you, moving towards your house.

In the exact same moment, a hand snatched the book out of your hands. A familiar face showed up with a small grin on his lips. Kaigaku. And Zenitsu not far away from him, of course. Their master, or rather ’Gramps’, as they both called him, really wanted them to get along, so they were spending a lot of time together. Even when Kaigaku showed clear displeasure in that.

“I thought we lost you there for a second. How can you read this crap, there are no pictures at all… I thought they’re making books more interesting now, but this is just disappointing. Absolutely nothing to focus your eye on. Funny how you can even read all this...”

He muttered before the book came back into your hands. Funny; that’s your role around here. You seemed to be the only person who wasn’t able to get used to the very boring reality. People thought you were daydreaming too much, it was harmless of course, but there was always an excuse that there were more important things to do instead.

“Well, I guess you could always use your imagination when reading a book” You answered before Kaigaku raised his eyebrows and huffed softly

“Well, it’s a waste of time anyway, I focused just on my training and the world around me, and I’m turning out just fine.”

He answered before making an angry face as Zenitsu was about to say something in protest. The yellow haired boy then looked away, not bothering to say anything, clearly intimidated by Kaigaku and the possibility of getting punched for saying anything.

“Well, I was thinking that you could come, watch me train, maybe I’d inspire you like I did to many other people already...” Kaigaku added with a smug look on his face, trying to show off.

“I’m afraid I can’t, I’m sorry.”You answered, getting ready to leave, yet his hand stopped you.

“You’re busy?”He asked quickly before you yanked your hand away and moved away.

“No, not really.”

Those were the last words leaving your lips before you walked away. Zenitsu just waved you goodbye before Kaigaku scowled at him and punched him on the arm, making Zenitsu whine in slight pain afterwards.

_________☆____________

The door opened quietly as you walked into your house. A soft sound of tools being used while soft muttering started being audible as well.

“Hello, father.” You said softly, gently putting the grocery basket next to the door. As you stepped out of your geta, your father turned towards you, noticing that you entered due to the door leading into his working room being open.

“Welcome back— uh…could you pass me the…” The old man didn't get to finish before you passed him the right tool and he immediately started working. With western culture slowly entering Japan, many new items became popular, like music boxes. You felt lucky that your father quickly picked up on making simple and then complicated mechanisms, and soon enough began creating music boxes, just like those from the western countries! Maybe one day he would sell enough and that would help in getting a new house in a new place where something new could be already waiting for you? Who knows…

While father was working, you wandered off into the kitchen, taking out some of the groceries you got from the market. The sounds of water boiling soon enough filled the room as breakfast was being prepared. Miso soup was poured into two bowls, steamed rice was put into others as you chopped down some veggies and fried some eggs into tamagoyaki.

Once you sat down by the table, father joined you as you both ate. The old man swallowed his meal rather quickly, but how can you blame him? Your dear father was a busy man who constantly worked to try and make your lives better. He was really passionate about assembling his music boxes and other gizmos he produced in his room all day. That's how it just was, just you and your father trying to reach out for the stars.

.

.

.

“Is it the last one?” You asked as your father carefully packed the finished music box. As it joined the others, also beautifully packed, your father nodded, slowly turning to face you.

“Let's hope I can sell those to very wealthy people. Next time, maybe I'll take you to sell the music boxes with me? You've always wanted to see some new places, so once I figure out where to sell my creations, we'll be able to go together.” Your father smiled, slowly walking towards the cart outside to put his creations inside it.

“Are you sure you can pull this cart all on your own?” You asked, slowly leaving the house alongside your father as he prepared for his journey.

“Of course. I'm not that old! I'll manage, I can work on my own just fine.” The old man answered with a smile as he finally got ready.

“I'll be passing through bigger towns and districts, would you like me to bring you something? Maybe a fan, or a new haori…perhaps a whole new kimono if I find one with a nice price.” Your father chuckled, waiting for your answer.

“Oh, that's too much. I don't need anything right now so…I just wish for a safe journey for you. As for any souvenirs— a single rise will do, really.” You answered, feeling the soft rays of sun hitting your and your father's faces.

“A single rise? Oh well, I can't argue with you about it, especially if you truly want it, even if it's so little.”He answered, chuckling quietly once more, before starting to walk down the path that would lead him out of the village.

You waved your father goodbye, hoping his journey would be safe and that he would hit the market with his handmade music boxes. With this on your mind, you couldn't help but wish that everything would go as planned, that your dear father would earn as much money as possible and that your life could perhaps change for the better? There had to be something waiting for you in the great, wide somewhere. Something was waiting, yearning, screaming to be seen. Hidden away deep in the darkness just to be discovered. When you couldn't see your father anymore, you just peacefully walked back into the house. There were still some things to be managed, and once father returns, he'll be happy to see everything done. Once father returns, everything can get only better, right? Father will return, and everything will be good, wonderful even.

✦————————————————————————✦

Okay! Here we are with the prologue and the first chapter! I hope I did good, since this is literally the first fanfiction I ever published for everyone and not just my friends— ( ˶°ㅁ°) !!

[infernalenginesheart]

Return to Avernus

My tav Odile X Karlach (newer relationship, conflict)

Odile knows they should talk with Karlach about what is to come, but it seems there would never be a "good time". Now or never, apparently.

Content warnings: swearing - Dammon said a return to Avernus was the only way to ensure Karlach's engine wouldn't blow.-

At least a week had passed since Karlach had been "fixed". Fixed was such an odd way to describe it, Odile had already found her rather perfect before, but the inability to touch was something to be remedied. That's better- remedied.

But Dammon's words kept rattling around their brain, not much better than an illithid tadpole, if they had any say in it. How the fuck were they supposed to bring this up to Karlach? Had the two of them not just confessed their love to each other? Had Karlach not just touched someone and had someone touch her in return-? It wasn't that easy. Nor could it ever be.

Karlach stood on the balcony of the Last Light Inn, her arms resting on the railing. The party has just returned from helping Thaniel and Oliver return to each other, but time for rest had not yet risen in the party's conversation.

Odile approached from the side, like one would a horse as if not to spook it, though Karlach surely had heard them taking their sword off their back and leaning it on a barrel. Wind seemed to curl around the edges of Karlach profile, her expression stoic.

"You're never one for such a serious expression," Odile smiled lightly, leaning on the railing. The red tiefling let out a soft sigh.

"I know what you want to talk about." Odile's hand gently trailed up their lover's arm, picking at leave stuck in her cape.

"I have half the mind to pretend I'm not sure what you mean," Odile cleared their throat, shifting their weight uncomfortably. They turned to face over the railing, shoulder to shoulder with Karlach.

The lake beyond the Inn was black, expansive, the waves breathing in the evening air. The breeze wafted back over them, Karlach's cape fluttering against Odile's. Karlach's tail sliced at the air in a short, swift motion.

Quiet hung between them for more than a moment. Odile was terrified to look over at Karlach.

"We could just... not talk about it at all," she whispered.

"Karlach...."

"We could pretend we didn't hear him say a thing, just carry on the two of us like we had been."

"Karlach..."

"Don't say my name like you pity me," Karlach's voice rose, just the slightest. Odile felt their heart jump at the burst of energy, moving from such quiet and stillness.

"I'm sorry, I would never- I don't mean-"

"I know. I'm sorry, soldier."

Karlach moved back to the railing as her outburst had carried her back, away, but her forearms came back to the railing this time. Her hunched stance was closer to Odile's relaxed height, the other tiefling hesitating before their body seemed to sway towards their lover. Their chin rested on her shoulder, their arms snaking around one of hers, so strong and sturdy.

"I can't go back, Odile," Karlach shook her head, looking down at her hands.

"I would rather die tomorrow having gotten the freedom I've had than go back. I can't- I won't- I-pfft," Karlach gave up on words, blowing air between thinned lips.

Odile's grip loosened.

It was understandable, not wanting to go back. More than understandable. They knew that, understood that. "W...H...Mm," Odile cut themself off before giving up.

"You're going to protest that? Say I should go back?" Karlach was the one to withdraw again, standing up, torso finally facing towards Odile.

"I don't want... to write it off compl-"

"Don't want to write it off? Fuck, Odile! Did you not listen to anything I told you about where I'm from before or-or-or was I not convincing enough?" Fire grew in her chest. The flames kicked up beneath her armor, her eyes wild.

"Karlach- forgive me. Forgive me for I am selfish at heart, and considering you could drop dead at any second- making that not as much of a possibility is selfish but can you blame me?"

Karlach's chest heaved with furious breath's at first, but they grew jagged. Unstable, shaking. The hot, angry tears followed easily, her fists balled up at her sides.

"You... I want to be selfish, too," Karlach was fighting hard against the tears and her breaths, trying so hard. "And I'm going to be."

"Karlach-"

But it wasn't worth it. Karlach had already grabbed her greatsword and gone back inside.

As night took the party back to camp, Odile knew they couldn't leave it alone, or they would toss and turn on their bedroll till morning arrived. It would eat them up from the inside.

Karlach lay in her tent, strange considering she was always outside of it, it seemed. Odile could see her outline from inside, the soft glow of candlelight outlining her silhouette.

They knew Karlach would hear them outside, the grass under their feet.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Karlach, I won't be able to sleep if we don't talk about it."

"Not my problem," she tried to say with bite, but it was a weak attempt, her voice not convincing. Odile pushed aside the entrance to her tent, seeing the large woman curled up on the ground with Clive. Odile sat behind her, their legs crossed, hands in their lap, like a child in school.

They wanted so badly to reach out, to touch her.

"I think... everyone is inherently selfish. I will claim that more than most. I am selfish to keep my loved ones so close. And I am horribly, viciously selfish to want my lover to remain on this existence with me. I am selfish to ask that. But Karlach- I can take your face in my hands," their voice fell to a hush as they used the gentle pads of their fingertips to move Karlach's chin towards them, forcing her to roll over to them, "and I can watch your eyes from between my hands till sleep takes me. And forgive me for wanting to do that until the end of time."

Karlach sat up finally, facing Odile. "You are selfish."

Odile dropped their hand, looking to the floor of the tent, strewn with pillows. "But I need you to channel that selfishness into finding a way to fix me that doesn't involve me going back there. To that place."

"I can touch the ones I love for the first time in ten years, Odile. And I want to hug you until the end of time, I really do, but I can't do it if that is the price I have to pay."

"I would come wi-"

"Odile..." Karlach cut them off, their hands cupping Odile's face.

"I don't have a death wish. I want to... be with you until I can't."

"But what if that isn't much longer," Odile felt their own breath hitch.

"We will get there when we get there! But I just want to focus on you and me, and touching you, the way I've wanted to touch you now that I can. Shit, Odile, I just want to focus on that."

"I need you to promise me first."

"Yes, soldier?"

Odile took Karlach's face in their hands, now mirrors of each other. "If I cannot find another way to fix you, to keep you here, promise me you'll go with me to Avernus."

"You will find another way, you selfish asshole," Karlach chuckled, but brought her forehead to theirs.

"You will find another way."

"I need a promise, you big stubborn woman."

"Fuck off, Odile. I told you I'm not going back." Karlach straightened back up, her hands dropping. Odile's hands, surprised, now hovered near Karlach.

Odile's hands finally moved to their lap again. "You better hope I can find another way to save you, Karlach, or I'll kill you myself," they cracked a joke through watery eyes.

It seemed enough for them both, to lie to each other like that. To create a false plan. At least Odile's plan wasn't entirely false- they would try to find an alternative for Karlach, of course they would. But if going to Avernus was it, that was what they would do.

As Odile lay with their face buried in the muscular back of their lover, arms wrapped tightly around her, the sounds of the night filling their ears, they felt the urge to pray.

For Karlach's sake, for their own- for the solution to be anywhere but where Dammon had said it would be.

"I am going to fix you," they whispered, such a soft whisper it was like a ghost over their lips, lips that pressed into Karlach's warm shoulder blade.

For I cannot imagine who I will become if I cannot.

[itsuki-minamy]

“K SIDE: PURPLE 09”

Translation: Naru-kun Raws: Ridia

K - Side: Purple (Chapter List)

"Is it Miwa Ichigen-san?"

As he wiped the sweat from his neck, Mishakuji shook his neck and asked.

It was the usual vacant lot that he used as a training room. Hase hung up when the sun went down and it was time to finish the day's lessons.

"Oh. I think I've talked about it sometime, but he's my swordsman friend. Why don't you meet him?"

Hase said with a smile. He may have been smiling too much. Yukari narrowed his eyes a bit, turned his back on Hase, and started preparing for his return.

"What do you think, Yukari?"

"I am not particularly interested."

Yukari answered Hase, who asked again, without looking back. Hase's smile was a bit stiff and the sweat that flowed under his armpits was different from practice. But, fortunately or unfortunately, Yukari stopped, so he didn't have to worry about distracting him.

However, Yukari was cunning. It is possible that he had already noticed Hase's true intentions.

"That said, if you were learning alone, you would eventually get stuck. The sword can only be expanded by interacting with many people. You want to be stronger, right?"

"……"

"I can't bear to see your sword talent keep showing up. Miwa is a trusted friend. I definitely want you to see his sword."

Before he knew it, he was pleading. Hase didn't have the heart to confess that. He's been stuck with an idea ever since he drank it on Massive Boys.

Gather Miwa Ichigen and Mishakuji Yukari.

That is why he came here to "Niibangai".

Yukari's sword talent far surpasses Hase's. It is possible that Hase is even stronger now, due to the difference in experience and physique that he has accumulated. Yukari will grow steadily from now on. In the not too distant future, Hase will no longer have anything to teach Yukari.

But Miwa Ichigen is different. That bottomless man has the ability to accept Yukari's sword talent. Hase was convinced of that. The two sword monsters he encountered in his life, Miwa Ichigen and Mishakuji Yukari, should meet. That was Hase's conclusion.

However, even when he spoke all the words from him, Yukari's back did not move firmly. Hase was about to give up on Yukari who got up with all his luggage.

"His sword is beautiful."

The words he said at the wrong time shook Yukari's shoulders.

"The most beautiful thing I have ever seen is Miwa Ichigen's sword. I want you to see that sword, which is incomparable to mine, take a look at it and you will know."

There was no lie in the clinging words. The truth is that it was etched in Hase's mind as the most beautiful thing in the world.

That night, in the Kendo hall, Miwa brandished his sword as if he were dancing alone.

Hase had no choice but to go out because it was so beautiful.

"Yukari, by all means…"

Yukari slowly looked back at Hase. Seeing that expression, Hase swallowed the words. He was angry.

Indescribable anger, dissatisfaction and irritation appeared on Yukari's beautiful face. It was the first time the boy had such an emotional expression. Not knowing where it came from, Hase could only be confused.

"Don't do the same thing over and over again."

Yukari said that shaking his voice from him.

"I'm not interested. It is enough if I can learn to use the sword from my master."

"Nevertheless…"

"Sensei..."

Yukari turned around. He frowned and bit his lip to kill something.

"My master says to go somewhere far away, should I go?"

For a moment, not knowing what was being asked, Hase listened carefully.

"What?"

"Everyone is saying it. I think I'll do that. Taka-san, Seiya-san, Mi-chan, Sayuri-Onesama. I'll go somewhere someday. I'm going to disappear from here."

His words were familiar to him.

That's exactly what Taka-san said that night. A child as beautiful and talented as Yukari is not suitable for a gloomy place like "Niibangai". He should be able to walk into a brighter world.

"It's like it's natural. I didn't want that. I'm sure it will happen one day, so I'm not asking for it."

That should have been hope. It must have been a blessing for the future, for the possibilities. But…

"Everyone says it's natural for me to think that, and that's a good thing. Not being here. I should get out of here someday."

Yukari was walking away. As if he was afraid that he would see his wet eyes.

Seeing that, Hase's chest quickly settled in his understanding.

(Oh, what is it? This guy…)

"Yukari. Do you think you're going to get rid of me?"

Yukari's face quickly turned red. Like a child struck by a star.

Hase was about to laugh and hastily put his strength into his facial muscles. No matter how experienced he is, he knows how miserable a person is who is laughed at because of his true feelings. If he does that, Yukari won't forgive him for the rest of his life.

"No, Yukari. It's not like that."

Naturally, Hase was getting closer to Yukari. When he put his hand on his shoulder, he noticed that Yukari's shoulder was unexpectedly small. It was the shoulder of a 15-year-old boy, of course.

"Everyone says that because you are important. I am the same. I don't think you are a bother to me or that you should go somewhere far away."

"……"

Yukari looked down as if he couldn't believe it.

It may not be unreasonable to think that.

Yukari is a foreign body to "Niibangai". Beautiful, noble and full of talent. Even if he is favorably accepted by other residents, it will not be possible not to see him as a foreign body. Sayuri and her friends love Yukari, but wasn't it such a love as treating a little bird with broken wings instead of a compatriot?

How did this sneaky kid take it? Hase cannot fully understand.

Yet he seemed possible to imagine it, albeit vaguely.

"Neither Taka-san, Seiya-san, Mi-chan, nor Sayuri-san want you to go far. Somehow they want you to stay."

Yukari looked at Hase with dissatisfied eyes.

"Then, why?"

"They don't want to get hurt."

The word passed through Hase's mouth before he thought.

"If they don't, they won't be able to bear the loneliness of losing you. If you don't prepare ahead of time, you will hurt yourself when the time comes when you're not ready for it. Everyone is afraid of that."

As he said, Hase noticed that he was smiling. The slight smile was also a bitter smile for him.

Someone who is beautiful enough to long for will stay with them forever. Everyone knows that such a thing is just a dream story.

The more beautiful a dream is, the greater the difference from reality. You can imagine the pain when you fall from there. That's why they wanted to put a cushion in beforehand, and Hase could understand that feeling painfully.

"I'm not going anywhere."

The tight voice trembled like a child. Hase was great and dominated many times.

"Yes. You don't have to go anywhere, but you can go anywhere."

"……"

"We don't want to get in the way. You know, Yukari?"

After a moment, Yukari slowly took it easy.

"Ok!"

He changed his face and started packing his luggage. Yukari was looking at him with wide eyes.

"Would you like to go home? If you don't go home and take a shower, you will catch a cold!"

"Ok."

"Let's get Sayuri back to making rice! Sayuri's rice is delicious!"

With a deliberate and high voice, Mishakuji still smiled.

"Only the sensei can say that."

"Hmm? Really? Good things are good though. That's the one thing that can't be changed."

"Originally, there is hardly any place to change, sensei."

While exchanging such a conversation, the two of them walk through "Niibangai". It seemed that something bad had fallen. It took him a long time to remember that Yukari was a 15-year-old boy.

Still, along the way, Hase finally brought it up.

"Ichigen Miwa…"

Yukari's eyes stiffened for a moment, but they quickly melted. Hase continued, admiring that it was clear.

"I won't force you to meet him. If you don't want to, there's no point in doing so. Forget my words."

The vision of that night in his mind, strangely, did not seem so bitter in Hase today.

"Remember this. Miwa Ichigen's sword is beautiful."

"……"

"Whenever you want to see something beautiful, say so. I can write a cover letter."

Yukari blinked slowly. Hase noticed a kind of flame ignite in the back of his eyes.

Hase walk slowly, without laughing.

++++++++++

"Hey, Mishakuji-chan, are you going somewhere?"

Mi-chan said such a thing, mixing surprise with his stiff voice.

Even though it was Saturday night, the only guests from "Hanawarabe" were Taka-san, Seiya-san and Mi-chan. After hooking up at another store, they seem to have fallen for "Hanawarabe", and were drunk with a good feeling. On the contrary, Mishakuji was impressed that he had never seen a place where they were not drunk.

"I'm going to meet Hase-san's friend. He lives in the mountains somewhere, so it's a day trip from tomorrow. I guess..."

Sayuri looked at Yukari only from the edge of her eyes. Yukari concentrated on washing the dishes and pretended not to notice.

"Is his friend related to Kendo?"

"That's right. He is an old friend. He asked me if I wanted to see him, in that case he would write a letter, he said that the people there would be excited and I could go see him right away."

"Well then it's a training trip. At first I thought that Mishakuji-chan had started something strange, but you are completely absorbed in it."

"Mishakuji-chan will grow up like this~. Somehow I feel lonely~"

With a sigh, Mi-chan insisted on a glass of beer. When Taka-san, who was next to him, smiled and tried to say something, Mishakuji opened his mouth silently.

"I'll be right back."

"Eh?"

"'Niibangai' is my hometown. I will be back."

The thick eyes that are peculiar to drunkenness turned towards Yukari. After blinking slowly, Mi-chan happily collapsed.

"Oh, that's good."

"I mean, that's not the norm. Mishakuji-chan is still a high school student. If you forget to study, you won't learn."

"Oh, my, when did Sayuri become an educational mom?"

"I wonder if all of today's accounts are attached to Taka-san."

"Really? It's a party, Taka-san!"

"Banquet!"

"Hey, no one told me to skip it, right?"

Looking away from the three people who started making noise, Mishakuji smiled calmly alone.

It wasn't long after he spoke to Hase in the wasteland, that he decided to meet Miwa Ichigen.

If he had been the Yukari back then, he would not have refused and they would have finally met. Sayuri's words that he would go somewhere far away were etched in his heart all the time. There was such a suffocation that everyone looked forward to Yukari's future and decided that they would not be ahead of the game. There was so much loneliness that people she thought were friends said, "You are different."

But…

(You don't have to go anywhere, but you can go anywhere.)

When he heard Hase's words, he felt his chest support.

That's right, Yukari thought. Being able to go anywhere also means you don't have to go anywhere. It is not decided by others, but by Yukari himself. Yukari doesn't have to be caught up in anything. He didn't even have to be trapped in his heart.

If he wants to go somewhere far away, he can always come back. "Niibangai" will not change, will always be there.

When he thought that, the first thing he wanted to see was Miwa's sword. He couldn't help but want to see the sword muscle that he made Hase Isshin say, "It's more beautiful than anything else."

So he's going to find it. He was surprised that it was effective, but mindless patience is not included in the beauty that Yukari thinks. Seeing beautiful things was Yukari's greatest joy, and even now, he still had the feeling that his expectations of him are bloody.

"Mishakuji-chan, it's time to go upstairs. I'll do the rest."

Suddenly Sayuri said that. Looking at the clock, it's still 12 o'clock. It should rather be the future in which "Hanawarabe" will be busy.

"You're leaving early tomorrow, right? You can't meet someone there with a sleepy face, so take a break today."

"Onesama."

Yukari looked away slightly at the soft voice. But the surprise soon turned into a miserable joy. He was sure that Sayuri still did not think about his involvement in the sword. However, this person was still willing to send it herself. Nothing more than because she thought of Yukari.

"Yes. Thank you. Well, then I'll go rest."

Yukari, leaning slightly, took off his apron.

Mi-chan laughs and lightly sets the glass down.

"Well, Mishakuji-chan. I can't wait for you to buy me souvenirs!"

Seiya-san smiled and waved his hand towards Yukari.

"See you, Mishakuji-chan. When you come back, tell me what kind of person he was."

Taka-san gently narrowed his eyes and waved softly.

"I'm glad, Mishakuji-chan. You found something you can absorb yourself in."

Yukari smiled and leaned in again.

"Goodnight everyone."

Then Yukari opened the door and went upstairs to where his room was.

That was the last time he saw Mi-chan, Seiya-san, Taka-san and Sayuri.

[evphology]

— [ ✎ . . . . ] ; this is for you, @kodzukenscorner!

happy, happy birfday, angel 🥺 you hold such a dear place in my heart since you’re the first person i’ve ever talked to here on tumblr. i was so hesitant to reach out, so when you welcomed me and treated me so kindly, i decided that tumblr wasn’t such a bad place after all. so thank you so much for being such a sweetheart, because if it wasn’t for you, i wouldn’t have met many other moots or even posted anything.

n e ways, i know i’m very inexperienced with the whole writing/headcanons thingy, but i do hope that you still enjoy this just as much as i enjoy your content. p.s. is the gif working? 

➞ the day starts off with an unusual message from your boyfriend of 10 months — it was an audio message with his morning voice greeting you with a ‘happy birthday, my sweet angel, i can’t wait to see you in an hour’

➞ he usually sends you a simple good morning text, so to receive a voice message with more than just a ‘good morning’? you legit thought you were still dreaming

➞ you two usually meet at the school gates, but today was different; he greeted you at your doorsteps with the dorkiest smile a person could ever muster, and a big bouquet of your favourite flowers in his free hand

➞ “happy birthday, love” is the first thing he says before he gives you a hug and a soft peck on your cheeks, which is sooo different from you two’s usual simple good morning greetings; he also holds your hand all the way to school 🥺 you ended up thinking he was on something because it was so unusual of him to show affection unless you’re both alone

➞ you see that the whole vbc’s waiting for you and akaashi at the school gates, and the moment bokuto’s wandering eyes landed on you two, this man just turns into a megaphone that only speaks birthday greetings

“y/n! hey, hey, hey! happy birthday! it’s your birthday— your special day!”

“bokuto-san, do you really have to announce it to the whole world?”

“...but that’s impossible. they can’t hear me all the way in a different country...”

➞ now everyone in fukurodani academy knows that it’s your birthday whether you like it or not (you’re also carrying this big bouquet of flowers, so maybe because of that, too) so expect greetings from left to right

➞ if akaashi was being completely honest, he didn’t even want the others to know that it’s your bday since he wanted it to be a special occasion that you two would celebrate privately; but he realized that he would be such a selfish boyfriend, so now he’s just enduring the slight hint of jealousy he feels with the massive amount of attention that you’re getting (bcause he still wanted you to pay lots of attention to him, not the other guys wishing you a happy bday🥺)

➞ he made you a bento box filled with your favourite food that he all made from scratch — most of it were shaped into hearts; he also fed you, which again, is sooo out of character for him (pls appreciate his efforts)

➞ the teacher asked you to stay after classes to help them with something, and so you couldn’t hang out with the vbc like you usually do after school, but akaashi ofc stayed behind for you since there wasn’t a volleyball practice scheduled

➞ when you finally got done, he asks you if you wanted a piggy-back ride and hang out at his house for a bit — ofc you accept — and now he’s carrying you back to his place with the smallest and softest smile on his lips (he was having so much heart palpitations from nervousness, omg help the poor boi)

➞ okay, so i won’t lie, they planned a surprise bday party for you; the reason why the vbc left early was to prepare it at akaashi’s house, and they actually asked the teacher to make you stay a lil’ longer since they needed time to prepare

➞ but the thing is, when you neared his house, you heard an oh-so familiar muffled voice screech “y/n’s here! she’s he—“ and you see bokuto’s figure getting dragged away from the living room window 😭 so much for a surprise... but he’s just really excited as well, okie?

➞ akaashi sighs and asks you to pretend that you didn’t hear nor see that since the vbc (and him, but he didn’t want to say that) worked really hard for the bday surprise

➞ so you turn the knob, akaashi behind you, and you haven’t even fully opened the door but you’re already tackled in a bear hug by yukie, konoha, and bokuto — akaashi catches you from behind to stabilize your stance again and he literally had the deadliest glare set on the trio, so ofc they back away but not too suspiciously

“you guys forgot to pop your streamers.”

“oh, yeah! wait— there you go! happy, happy, happy birthday, y/n!”

➞ tbh, akaashi ended up ust being on the sidelines for the most part of the party; he wanted you to enjoy your special day with everyone else you loved without having to worry about him; seeing and hearing your beautiful laugh and smile was already more than he could ask for

➞ when it was times for presents though, he made sure that he was sat right next to you— his hand was also resting on the small of your back the entire time you opened the presents you received from the vbc and his parents (yes, you’ve already met his parents and they love you so much)

➞ everyone finally finished giving you their presents (it’s your usual designer bags, shoes, money, etc. though bokuto actually bought you a huge owl cake for a present) so it was finally your beau’s turn

➞ you could see a soft hue of red creeping up from his neck and little beads of sweat on his forehead, but it’s because he’s so nervous, okay? 🥺 he’s never been so affectionate with you in public, so this was very different to him

➞ he first gave you a box filled with various things: clothing, snacks, makeup, perfume, lotion, etc.

➞ once you gave his cheek a kiss to thank him and thought that that was that, he pulls out a velvet box and bro, when i tell you everyone went wild, they went wild

“akaashi, no! you’re too young!”

“bokuto-san, this isn’t a—“

“i don’t want to be old yet 😭 i can’t be your kids’ uncle, i don’t have money yet.. i don’t even know how to boil water! please, akaash—“

“...ahem. sorry about that, akaashi, pls continue 🙂”

“thank you, konoha-san.”

➞ it was the ring you were eyeing when you two went on a shopping date last month

➞ you could see his hands shaking as he held it out for you to put yours in; he slowly put the breathtaking ring on your ring finger (bokuto almost lost it bcause he legit thought it was a proposal) once it was perfectly placed, he let out a breath he wasn’t even aware he was holding in

“this isn’t a proposal, i know that we’re both too young for that... perhaps in the future, but this is a promise ring. i know we haven’t been together for long, but you give me so much happiness and motivation; you just make my life so much better and you fill it with love everyday. so this is a ring to symbolize that i’ll continue to love you and wait until the day comes when i can finally switch this with an ᵉⁿᵍᵃᵍᵉᵐᵉⁿᵗ ʳⁱⁿᵍ”

➞ then kith... he kissed you... while people are around... let alone in front of them?! chaos has began: bokuto almost faint, yukie’s squealing, konoha’s in a state of distress because of the ace, kaori’s being emotional and wiping the tears from her eyes, onaga, sakurui, and komi were cheering their homeboy on, while washio just has a huge smile on his face

➞ but while chaos unfolded and surrounded you and akaashi, you two were both too lost in each other’s eyes that shined with pure adoration and love; every sound was muffled, but the soft and genuine whisper of ‘i love you so much’ that fell from his lips, you heard loud and clear

➞ to say the least, it was by far the best birthday you’ve ever experienced, and akaashi has now made it his mission to surpass it every year ‧₊˚✩彡

lmao, this is so short, forgive me but you said short hcs so i didn’t want to make it too long 🥺 anyways happy birthday again! hope you enjoy this... whatever this thing is that i’ve made. love ya’, angel!

p.s. can you teach me how to write hcs? cause like how do you make yours sound so good 😭 i’m legit confuzzled

[ga-yuu]

Story 1~“If I were to punish you, I would praise you...”

Morinaga: “.....Okay, looks like that’s all.”

Shigehira: “All the bandits are arrested.”

Yasuchika: “Thank you so much for your hard work.”

The court ordered Yoritomo and his army to capture the bandits who frequently attacked a town of Kyoto.

Yoritomo: “Well done everyone. We have completed our mission. But---”

Then Yoritomo frowns and his gaze drifts to his side.

Yoritomo: “I never thought I’d be fighting with these guys.”

Yoshitsune: “That’s my line.”

Yasuchika: “Well, you all worked together and it made the capture easier.”

Benkei: “We weren’t cooperating or anything.”

Yoichi: “We just slaughtered some thieves who got in our way when we were heading home after work.”

Kagetoki: “Hmm. Work. Was it a meeting with the warriors of the west, if I must guess.”

Yoritomo: “ That sounds interesting. Yoshitsune, take me with you next time.”

Yoshitsune: “....”

Yoritomo: “........”

Yasuchika: “Ohhh so scary. Oh, by the way, you both were really scary earlier too. But Yoritomo had a cool face when he hunts down the thieves. It was still terrifying.”

Yoritomo: “No one said to me that I should be going easy on the thieves.”

Tamamo: “That’s how Yoritomo is. I don’t dislike it though.”

Kurama: “...Wait. Tamamo.”

Kurama instantly cuts of Tamamo’s words and places his hand on Yoshitsune’s shoulder.

Kurama: “Yoshitsune is no slouch when it comes to fighting with a cool face.”

Benkei: “Yes. I agree.”

Yoichi: “Kurama himself is not bad. We even have Benkei. Benkei is hot than cool.”

Benkei: “Ha?”

Yoshitsune: “As Yoichi says, Benkei is terrifyingly strong. He is so strong that he can fight off more than a dozen bandits with a single swing of his sword.”

Yoritomo: “That’s it? Then you still have a long way to go, because Morinaga can cut twenty thieves in one go.”

Morinaga: “ If you’re going to compliment me like that out of blue, I will be a little shy.”

Shigehira: “If we’re talking about greatness, then Kagetoki-san’s fighting style is also....”’

Kagetoki tilts his head as Shigehira turns to look at him.

Kagetoki: “Me? I don’t remember doing anything unusual.”

Shigehira: “I’m referring to Kagetoki-san’s ‘usual’ way of doing things. Making the thieves kneel down in despair just by talking is not very ‘unusual.”

Kagetoki: “I don’t like wasting my physical strength. Also...Even Shighira fights mercilessly when he has something important to protect.”

Shigehira: “Ha!?”

Kagetoki: “For example, when you defended a soldier who had volunteered to join the party because he admired you.”

Shigehira: “...I wasn’t defending him or anything. It's just I found his sloppy way of fighting, annoying.”

Morinaga: “You looked very strict, but you still are so kind. Shigehira.”

Yoritomo: “Well that’s because our Shigehira has a big heart.”

Shigehira: “You two...when are you going to stop laughing?”

Kagitoki: “You could have been honest and said ‘I wanted to protect you’ instead of giving mindless reasons.”

Shigehira: “Please stop making stupid speculations....”

Tamamo: “This is interesting.”

Tamamo, who had been watching everyone, shrugged his shoulders.

Tamamo: “I don’t think a man’s physical strength or counting how many people he killed are the criteria to measure a strong man.”

Benkei: “You look like you’re up to something. I’ll wipe that smile off your face if you’re planning anything fishy?”

Tamamo: “Oops, don’t do that. Or else Yuno will be scared of you.”

Tamamo gracefully covers his laughing mouth.

Tamamo: “You guys, don’t you dare scare Yuno by showing your evil face.”

Shigehira: “Ha!? We wouldn’t treat Yuno as how we treat our enemies, right?”

Yoritomo: “That’s right. But when it comes to punishing her......I think I’d enjoy punishing Yuno more than the thieves.”

Yoshitsune: “....Yoritomo!”

Yoritomo: “It's just a joke okay. But think about it. What if.....you had a chance to punish Yuno. How will you do it?”

Part 2~

Yoritomo: “It's just a joke okay. But think about it. What if.....you had a chance to punish Yuno. How will you do it? If it was me I’d hunt her down slowly so I can enjoy her rebellious face to my heart’s content.”

Kagetoki: “As expected of my lord. It’s the basic torture technique to get the words out of a person.”

SHigehira: “This is not about torturing someone.”

Yoritomo: “What about you, Shigehira?”

Shigehira: ‘No. I won’t---”

Kagetoki: “Shigehira would probably forgive Yuno once she starts to cry and begs him to stop.”

Yoritomo: “Well that’s true. But it will only happen if the other party is Yuno.”

Shigehira: “Why do I have to make her cry? You guys are horrible. I won’t make her cry nor would I let her go until she is sorry for what she has done.”

Tamamo: “Oh dear. You all are so offensive.”

Shaking his head lightly, Tamamo puts his hand on his hips.

Tamamo: “ Don’t you think her blushing red face is more tempting than the rebellious one.”

Yoichi: “Ohh...I see what you’re getting at.”

Tamamo: “See. I’m sure you’ll agree with that. Don’t you think that’s a great idea?”

Yoichi: “You mean, saying mean things on purpose to make her blush.”

Tamamo: “Yes, that’s what I’m talking about. You are clever. I'm impressed.”

Yoichi: “No no. We both just think the same way.”

Benkei frowns at the two men grinning at each other.

Benkei: “Well, I think you both are nasty ....” 

Yoichi: “Oh no, not again. Benkei, don’t start nagging at everything. It’s natural to have thoughts like that, isn’t it? What about it Benkei....and Yoshitsune-sama too?”

Yoshitsune: “Me? Well....I don’t want Yuno to be scared, even if it’s just a punishment. But if it benefits Yuno, I don’t mind being rough with her.”

 Benkei: “You’ll be rough with her? Well I don’t want to put Yuno through too much.”

Kurama: “Don’t be too sweet. You have to push her to the limit to make her pay. Make her beg for mercy till she won’t be able to stand up to you again. Isn’t that the best punishment?”

Benkei: “Okay. Don’t you dare touch Yuno.”

Kurama: “Why?”

Benkei: “You know what? There are many ways to make them feel sorry for themselves without scaring them.”

Yasuchika: “Then how is Kei-chan intending to punish Yuno-san?”

Benkei: “I have no plans in telling you.”

Yasuchika: “Don’t be so cold....”

Yoichi gave a bitter smile when he saw Yasuchika with his lips sharpened.

Yoichi: “As for me, I feel like Yasuchika-dono's punishment scares me the most.”

Yasuchika: “What! My punishment...I can’t...Maybe I’ll wait until Yuno-san comes and says sorry to me. Forever and ever and ever...Isn’t that sweet?”

Benkei: *sighs*

Yoichi: “Hmmm. You know your....?”

Yoshitsune: “Your words are unpromising.”

Benkei&Yoichi: “That’s it.”

Yasuchika; “Aaah...You all are so terrible.”

Morinaga: “Please cheer up, Yasuchika-dono.”

Morinaga gently taps on Yasuchika’s shoulder.

Yasuchika: “Mo-Mori-san.....”

Morinaga: “Isn’t that what you always do?”

Yasuchika: “Mori-san!”

Yasuchika casts a resentful glance at Morinaga while pretending to break down in tears.

Yasuchika: “Wait. You’re not getting into this at all. What about you? How are you going to punish Yuno-san?”

Morinaga: “Hmmm, punishment.”

Scratching his cheek lightly, Morinaga squints softly.

Morinaga: “If Yuno is really a bad girl, I will punish her properly. But....”

Yasuchika: “But?”

Before they knew it, everyone was paying attention to the conversation between them.

Morinaga: “I’d spoil her till she feels remorseful.”

Morinaga smiles and looks at everyone.

Morinaga: “Wouldn’t you guys also agree? When Yuno looks much better when smiles happily than saying sorry.”

I know it's incomplete because I don’t have the 3rd part. Sorry!

[simsadventures]

After All: Chapter 4: Whatever

Summary: The next day comes and you built the walls around yourself higher than ever. Warnings: angst, tears, sad reader, fluffy Bruce, Bucky (I feel like he is a warning now), mentions of physical abuse

Word Count: 1959

A/N: What do you guys think, should the reader forgive him at some point, or do we want to see a different romance sparking? Let me know, love you all. xx

Series Masterlist __ Masterlist

< Previous Chapter 

You woke up with the biggest headache you’ve had since high school. Your whole body hurt, and for a second you thought you were abducted and now held prisoner. However, you soon realised that the nightmare you had was no dream at all, but your real-life and that your head hurt probably from the extensive crying you did last night, and your body was stiff from falling asleep in your bathroom.

You needed good 5 minutes to get up, your limbs not listening to your orders at all. When you managed to stand on your own, with just a slight help from the sink, you dared to look in the mirror. And you almost screamed from the shock you received. The reflection in the mirror looked like a completely different person. She wasn’t you. This was a broken person, her make up smudged across her whole face, eyes still red and puffy, but otherwise the shade of the skin was almost greenish. You shouldn’t even be surprised. Nobody was suited to cry as much as you did last night.

Just the thought of what you overheard the night before almost sent you hurdling again, but you stopped yourself. You weren’t about to let them destroy you. Nope. You were stronger than that. You made the mistake of trusting people again, and you were damn sure you wouldn’t ever do it again.

You clenched your tears, tear up the dress that bitch picked for you only to be able to laugh about it behind closed doors with her precious Bucky. You cleaned your face, took a long hot shower, trying to wash away all the sadness left in you. You knew it would take time to get over this, because after a lifetime, you opened up to someone, only to let them rip you open and laugh about the shattered pieces.

But you weren’t willing to let them win. You would bet that they wanted to crumble in front of them, but not if you could help it. Your decision was quick and final. You would just ignore them. You weren’t the type of person to call people out, and even if you wished nothing more than to see them suffer as much as you did, you decided against it.

Karma would bite them both in their asses, you were sure of that.

You texted Tony that you drank a little too much and wasn’t feeling like working on the project today, which he completely understood because he apparently flew around in his Iron Man suit and was showing everyone how many backflips he could do until he threw up in the mask. You were just sorry you weren’t there to see this.

You also exchanged few texts with Bruce who was still baffled why you left so suddenly last night, but you had no energy to explain everything to him. Bucky was his friend, he was part of the team, and you weren’t. You didn’t need people telling you that you destroyed the Avengers by telling Bruce the truth. Not now, anyway.

At the same time, you couldn’t be entirely sure if he wasn’t in it with them. Your mind was screaming at you that Bruce wouldn’t be able to do such a thing to anyone. Still, the same mind was telling you just yesterday that Bucky was definitely into you. You had your reasons not to trust your own judgement right now.

You took a nap in your bed, to relieve your mind from the spiralling, even if only for a few hours.

It was around 6 PM that you heard a familiar light knock on your door. Your heart stopped in that very moment, and you had a lot to do not to vomit again. You pulled yourself together and went to open the door.

“Hey, doll,” Bucky smirked at you, leaning against the door frame. “You ran away last night, I thought you could take more.”

You huffed sardonically, and smirked at him, venom driving from your eyes. “Felt tired, you needed anything or?”

He looked at you, little surprised at your reaction. You were never this direct or unfriendly to him. “Well, it’s our movie night, so I cam here for the movie, you remember?”

Oh right, you even had a weekly movie night, because you thought you both liked spending time in each other’s company. “Not in the mood, Barnes. Goodnight, and greet Hannah for me, will you?” You smiled all too sweetly and closed the door in Bucky’s shocked expression.

“Hannah? Doll, I don’t even talk to Hannah, you know that.”

You didn’t even have the energy to fight with him, so you just laughed dryly and yelled back through the closed door, “whatever, Bucky, whatever.” He didn’t leave right after that, still tried talking to you, but after about 10 minutes, you got tired of his bullshit, telling you to open the door, that he doesn’t understand what’s gotten into you, and blah blah blah. You put on your earphones and watched John Wick without him. You didn’t need him. Hell, you didn’t need anyone.

You didn’t know how long it took for him to leave your door, but you were glad that by the time the movie ended, there was silence outside the door. Hannah sent you multiple messages, to none of which you have replied. She even texted you she was worried about you and you scoffed out loud. Worried my ass, you thought.

Next day came much sooner than you wished to, and it meant you had to go out of your room and face the world. Worst of all, you had an appointment with Bucky, to try some models of his soon-to-be new arm. You didn’t want to be that close to him, but there was no other way to deal with it. You needed to learn to share the same space with him and totally ignore him. That could become your life mission if need be.

You had a polite small talk with one of your colleagues, but not his too extensive or too detailed. She just told you about Tony and his drunk self and how her head hurt even today. You just nodded and smiled lightly, not willing to share anything.

About an hour later, the door opened, and Bucky came marching to you. “What the hell, doll? I was knocking on your door last night and you-“

You stopped him with a raised hand. “I wasn’t in the mood, and I’m not in the mood now. I have Dr Cho here to help me with your current arm, to make it as painless for you as possible, and so that we could safely try your new model. Can we start?” Your face was void of any emotion. You could see Bucky searching your face, trying to find a hint, anything that would tell him why the sudden change in your behaviour.

“Doll, I-“ he started again, but you weren’t having it. “Can we start now, Bucky?” you raised your voice a little so that he got the message you weren’t willing to talk about anything else that your job. He just nodded wordlessly and let you and Dr Cho do your job.

He was watching you intently the whole time, speaking up only when asked, and you made a little victory dance in your head. Maybe he’d actually stop talking to you, and your ignoring him wouldn’t be that difficult. This happiness, however, didn’t last long, because as soon as you were done, and sent him on his way, he grasped your upper arm, and whisper yelled at you, “mind if we talk, Y/N?”

You just clenched your teeth and nodded, you really didn’t need to cause a scene at work. You weren’t about to let him destroy the one thing that actually made you happy and feel like you could be yourself. When obviously, being yourself wasn’t enough for him, nor for Hannah.

“Care to explain why have you been acting so weird since the party?” He was seething, and all you could do was laugh. He really wanted YOU to explain yourself to HIM, hilarious.

“Look, we can stop pretending now, Bucky. Go your own way, I’ll go mine and the only place we will see each other will be here, and we’ll keep it strictly professional, ok?”

“What the fuck are you talking about? How can you go from us being that close to strictly professional, huh? What happened? Did someone tell you something? Because if so, I’m 99% sure they’re lying.”

Now you had to laugh out loud. “Oh, don’t worry, nobody told me anything. I didn’t want to do this, because I couldn’t care less right now but ok. Let’s do this. What the fuck am I talking about? I don’t know, Bucky, let’s ask your girlfriend Hannah, what the hell I’m all about.”

“I told you, I don’t even-“

“At least have the fucking decency and don’t lie to my fucking face, Barnes. I saw and heard everything, ok? I mean, why would someone like YOU be interested in someone like ME. I’m just a hideous lab rat, and you wouldn’t be caught dead actually seen with me.”

You were seething, venom dripping from your mouth. Bucky was staring back at you, horrified. “Doll, I-“

“Please, don’t. I got it, ok? She’s gorgeous, I’m not, I know that much, I’m not stupid. I just thought you could see past that, from how much time we spent together. I told you everything, Bucky, my secrets, my fears, all of it. I hope you two had a good laugh at all that, how a desperate, ugly girl fears someone will notice she’s just not enough. That must have made you snicker for days, huh? Or the fact that my own father beat the shit out of me when I was younger must have been a hilarious topic after you fucked her!”

You didn’t want to resort to violence, but your hand itched to slap him across his face.

“Look, Y/N, I would never-“

“I don’t care, Bucky, I really don’t. I hope you had a good time making the ugly girl feel worse about herself than she did in a long time. I’m not gonna be the entertainment for you and Hannah anymore, I was stupid enough to think that for once in my life, I would be important to someone, that just this once, I was the lucky one.

But it’s ok, I got this, just like I always had. So go, and enjoy your miserable life, because you can’t be happy if you’re able to do something like this to an innocent bystander. Just please, whatever your sick games, or foreplays, or whatever this is, are, stop it. I’m an actual real-life person, with genuine feelings, I’m not sure the two of you realise. I’m going to be ok without you, but some other girl might not, so please, end this, and find some other thing to rile each other up.

Have a good life, Barnes, I really wish for you to wake up one day, and try and redeem yourself, because you might be a hero out there, in the world, but here? You are just one rotten, sad guy, who doesn’t have a bit of respect for himself or anyone around you. Goodbye.”

Few tears slipped by now, but you didn’t care. You were proud of yourself for telling him all that, turned on your heel and went back to the lab.

Bucky was left in a hallway, staring at the door, through which you left, suddenly realising how big of a mistake he just did. And he wasn’t sure if there was any going back.

/ Next Chapter >

Tags: @iheartsebastianstan @owlyannah @readermia @kolakube9 @ibookishqueen @thewintersoldierswifu @emogril @the-melancholyfeels @pinkleopardss @supervengerslock @the-soulofdevil @jessyballet @sebbbystaaan  @38leticia @sparkling-gayyyy @bxrnsfeyson

If you’d like to be tagged comment/message/send an ask. If you like the story, please reblog :) any comments are appreciated, even the critical one. Always a space to get better, so let me know what you guys think.

[blackbutlerfandomnerddomain]

I'm a sucker for Masquerade scenarios so, Masquerade for PhoWill if that's okay!

You got it @annelaurant, a PhoWill 33-Masquerade coming right up!

Masks. 

Odd yet simply beautiful objects used to cover someone up from others.  Faces, Emotions, Pain, Thoughts, Memories, Life, Wounds, Tears, History,    Beauty, Ugliness,   Masks cover them all. . .

    Phobos had long since gotten used to every masks over the many years. His fair skin, hair, and eyes forever covered in darkness like a mysterious angel hidden within Hell’s very own shadows. A flower in the deepest, most secret part of a garden. A single star in the night sky.

That was him.

He knew he was going to be alone for many many years, he was alright with that.  It still hurts when one wants something warm in the dead of a cold night... It still makes his heart ache when he walks within the fresh air of the castle’s gardens with no one to admire the world around him... It is still cold when there’s no one to talk to during dinner...

Masks are the only things he can truly depend on.

His masks are far more convincing then one would give credit for.  Red wine so dark one could assume it’s the entire darkness in a pretty cup, Robes and silks of many dark colors of blacks and red and violets that suits the fairness of his eyes skin and hair so well, Jewels all adored on his body like the steamy waters in which he bathes constantly in and wrapped like thorns on fearsome beautiful roses, Once ruling a entire kingdom and nearly a universe with a iron grip with such masks before those masks shattered all started by one single person who threw him over like all that hard work was nothing...

Her hair red like the finest of blood gems, Her skin smooth and gentle like the fine silk he wraps himself into like a butterfly waiting to become, Her eyes large and round like two soft chocolates he so craves, Her heart, different to the Heart in which she protects, is strong and fierce much like every Queen of his world. Since the very first time he saw her trapped within a few feet from his throne all wrapped in his thornless roses something shifted inside him... A single small crack against his mask. Now the wine he drinks tasted bitter in his mouth, His robes and silks felt like burns against his skin, His jewels no longer giving him the pleasure of beauty when he adorn them. His kingdom, his universe, his life, his masks were all snatched away from his iron grip and broken apart before his eyes no matter how much he would beg and plea.  All because of that Guardian...!

However nothing he wanted, desired, craved for most when he was tossed in that cell was walking across his garden’s beauty beside someone dear... Someone to chat and eat a meal at the grand dining hall... Someone to hug close to his body during the latest of cold nights... Someone to see through all his masks even the broken ones so he doesn’t have to pretend anymore...

After years of sitting there in the cell and earning himself the time to wander about the gardens’ air and eat a warm meal within a room and wear the robes and silks he used to adore with his jewels he was slowly getting used to his life as his sister’s personal professor. Teaching her her skills, showing her all of Meridian history and culture, even telling stories of his youth and their parents and family she never gotten a chance to ever meet... Through these times of her caring heart and bright angelic nature he shaped a new mask. One of which he wears only when he can’t bring himself to fully dive into her pond of forgiveness and light. He can’t dare bring himself to answer the question he knows she’s been wondering: “Why do you hate me brother?”  How can one answer such a heartbreaking question? He knew his answer, he knew it would bring her pain and misery, and for the first time he didn’t want to do such a thing to her...

Snow covered up Meridian like a cold beautiful blanket of pure whites while every guest warms up and dines and dances in the castle’s strong walls, all dressed in fine gowns and smiles on their mask covered faces as the dance and feast and laugh and enjoy the time of Yule within the place that was once a place of evil now a place of happiness and freedom.  Prince Phobos watched some from the side lines as music fills his ears and the taste of the ball’s feast dancing across his tongue.  He had grown used to no one speaking to him since his invite back to the castle by the Queen everyone loved so much.  Much like his past he adorn the outfits of black and deep violets with some flares of red all done in smooth movement of his masquerade costume, his elegant violet and black mask stopping just above his nostrils as it covers the beak of his nose, his fair eyes watching as everyone move about on celebrating this night of the year. 

At long last his eyes found themselves fixed upon a certain guest.  He watches silently as the Guardian Will accepts a dance with a castle guard, her deep violet purple ball gown so slim it shows her figure perfectly without any means to do so alone swishing back and forth across the glimmering marble floors, her short red hair shining like millions on millions of ruby threads sewed into his pretty head as a flower crown rests softly on top of her dome, her brown eyes now shining with happiness and excitement like crystals within a dark cave, her lips soft to stare upon adoring a smile only she could wear with her lovely light pink and purple mask that just hangs over her eyes. . .  Indeed, she was a fine gem to admire from afar. 

With a soft shrug of his shoulders he began to make his way out of the party with no one noticing or caring in the slightest of the prince’s whereabouts. The winter sky always brought a strange feeling of light inside his bone cage for his bird like heart, has been since he was a small child watching within the castle gardens during the nights of his parents’ Yule Ball much like tonight’s. There’s just something about the sky slowly turning blacker then the very silks he wore so much with the soft shines and sparkles of the stars mixing so well with the small snow fall that seemingly just appears without a cloud or two to make it and watch as your breath soon becomes visible and more warm against your face and fills your nose that makes all his masks lay across the snow like actors on a play... A calming feeling always entered his soul at the memories of all the times when he was outside for a long time his clothes made him bring the winter with him which forced him to remove each piece and taking a warm bath before wrapping up in a soft and comforting blanket while sitting by a isolated fire. 

“Do you always run away from conversation or is it just tonight?” 

Phobos felt his skin slowly tug upward as he smiles softly at the voice behind him, knowing very well who it is long before hearing her sweet voice of her tease like tone.  He turned his body and head around to face the one and only Will Vandom standing there just like she was before in the enclosed warm castle halls but now added her outer lair over her gown. 

“Do you always arrive at events human and in sneakers or is it just tonight little Guardian?” He asked with a smug smile, his smile growing more when her’s drop slightly. 

The two, for obvious reasons, hasn’t have the time or pleasure to speak or be around each other since the events of his welcome back into the castle. Though their eyes always lock and smiles are at times exchanged between hall walks and events much like this one, the prince would never admit it but he would be very happy for a moment much like tonight to happen between the two for a long time since he arrived back. 

Slowly, he stepped forward and pass the Guardian as his voice only echoed to her, “Well, little Guardian, I shall hope to speak to her again soon enough. But for now, I much stand beside my dear sister?” He let his voice drop some at the wording when speaking of Elyon much to the habit of his new mask does often nowadays. 

“Why do you hate Elyon Phobos?” Phobos stopped at his tracks when he hears that question he dreaded leave the red haired Guardian’s lips.  “She is your sister after all. She did nothing wrong to you, she even gave you another chance! So why, Phobos? Just tell me why right now, why do you hate your own sister?” Slowly... he could feel the cracks reappearing and slowly began to grow... “I don’t hate my dear sister... I envy her. I despise her.” He slowly mumbled, his cracks growing deeper and long with each tremble of his hands... “What blesses her with ever so much love and joy long before her very birth? Why was I - someone with the same blood flooding my veins as her and share the very same name - be hated and mocked from my own birth all because of what I am?! I never asked to be born! I never wanted to be who I am! It was you who ruined my world! My life! The one thing people can be proud upon me...!” 

Will just stood there with her brown eyes now widen and full of sadness and pain as he screamed his words out at her, almost like the hard and sharp broken pieces of his masks stab and hit her like bullets against and within her very flesh.  Never once has she seen this side of the man she fought countless times nor has he ever seen such a pitiful expression on her face... Both hearts ached and plushed at these emotions overflowing their bodies but yet neither can dare speak even after the screaming has long ceased... What would one say after all?

The prince breathed in the cold hair and out his warmed up breaths as he stared back at the Guardian for anything at all from her... A scream. A hit. A apology. A cry. ANYTHING would be better then this torture for the poor boy of silence after revealing himself to his once enemy and favorite jewel to watch from afar...

“...Phobos...I-” Will began, her voice leaving off a small crack of emotion as she tried to gather her words for him, but the man dare not want to hear her words anymore as his long since kept emotions flood over him like a ocean against the rocks of a shore as he swoops down and cups her face, forcing their eyes to meet yet again. He grasps onto her mask’s edge and carefully removed it, admiring so closely now the beauty in which she possesses completely once it was removed and discarded to the snow covered ground beneath them, his head slowly moving forward on it’s own just until his lips were barely a inch against her’s. 

He could smell her scent of peppermint she most likely wore for this party, He could feel her skin growing colder and her hair slowly going slightly damp from the melted pieces of snow in her red tread strains, Her breath now tickling him softly... The desire was there but how long was it going to take to-

“You know, this isn’t fair.” She said before she grabbed and threw his mask onto the floor like her’s was, once it was done, she then quickly grabbed his costume’s fabric and closed their tiny space with their lips colliding eagerly and warmly for the two. 

Her lips taste like warm melted chocolate and strawberry from her treat while his tasted like warm soft fire spice and grape from his wine as their skins endure the warms and the colds of their kiss and touches as the snow fall around them as if the universe was granting them a gift. Prince Phobos’ chest slowly grew warmer and warmer between the soft touches and kisses like a fire creating and spreading inside him... It burns and it hurts but he never wanted to cease the feeling ever. Never again He thought to himself as he feels all his pain and misery slowly melt with the broken rumble of his masks now gone for good... 

All he needs as of now is the very maiden within his arms...

       Phobos felt the warm sunlight touch his eyes as he turn his body inside his soft comfortably warm bed, those said fair eyes slowly fluttering open and staring at the deep red hair that shines in the morning sunlight.  He smiled softly as he scoots closer some towards his pretty Guardian, his eyes slowly drifting to the soft shines of something within his finger and her hand and clings to the blankets and his night shirt... Pretty matching silver rings hugging nicely around their fingers. The man let out a soft gasp as he stared at the rings and at the sleeping Will in his bed before his eyes glances slowly at the remembrance of new warmth between the two in the form of a small sleeping child with long red hair like the Guardian that brought him light yet the child’s resting face matches one of which is his soft snarl. 

Tears soon peeked in Phobos’ eyes as he stared at everything he woke up to as memories pass that night rush back to him... The many events of their relationship, the wedding, the birth of his daughter, and the announcement as of last night of their upcoming second child...  He honestly couldn’t help but let out a soft weep as a smile appear upon his lips as his arms wrap carefully and warmly around his family as his teary fair eyes watch the morning snow against his bedroom window, just wondering to himself how he ever said such a thing back then. He doesn’t hate his sister in the slightest nor does wishes he was never born, for if it wasn’t for either he’d never have ever even met his wonderful wife and have such a beautiful daughter and soon another.

He has been blessed with someone to hold close during the coldest nights.

He now has people to admire the garden’s beauty.

He never has to dread a meal for now it’s warm with love and compassion he was given thanks to the pretty red haired Guardian he was more then happy he met no matter how he wishes it was different... 

I hope you like it! Sorry if it’s kind of crummy, I’m running on no sleep and caffeine but seriously I’m happy with this request and hope you and everyone else enjoy!

[cagestark]

Ok here's my prompt: college winterironspider, established winterspider and they want to do a trio costume with Tony as a way to show him they want him 💕💕

A late Halloween Prompt whipped up in thanks for boosting my friend’s rpg. Thank you! (Also you all say that Halloween is a 365 day event so 3 days late shouldn’t stop you right? ;)

Warnings: homophobia including slurs, some mention of smuttiness but nothing explicit, foul language. WinterIronSpider. 3.6k.

-

Tony flings open the dorm room door, already toeing off his sodden shoes. New England weather could turn on dime, and it had a habit of turning unfavorable on the 15 minute trek from the Chem labs back to his dorm room. His shirt is sticking to his skin, jeans heavy with rain. He can feel his hair, getting just this side of too long for how Howard likes it, dripping down the back of his neck.

Mother Nature hates him, and she’s not the only one, because Peter Parker is lounging on Tony’s roommate’s bed. Bucky is nowhere in sight, but the bathroom door is closed, so deductive reasoning is barely required. They’ve probably been fucking; the room has that musty scent that makes him twitch in his wet pants. Parker lays among the mussed sheets and blankets like the pillow princess he must be, curls riotous, beaming at the sight of Tony.

“Hey, Tony,” says Parker in the softest, cracking voice that Tony’s ever heard come from a nineteen-year-old. He blinks dazed, whiskey-colored eyes. “Y’re all wet.”

“I know. Where’s Barnes?”

“Bathroom.”

Tony hums. Barnes liked to take ridiculously long showers, conditioning his ridiculously long hair, moisturizing his ridiculously huge and attractive body. The guy was the antithesis to his boyfriend, large where Parker was small, dark where he was light, brooding where Parker was a goddamn ray of sunshine sneaking in through a crack in the curtains and blinding Tony. With Barnes in the shower, Tony is stuck shivering in his wet clothes, wishing he’d stayed out in the downpour and smoked a cigarette. Instead, he just sits on his bed—his sheets have seen worse than some rainwater. Opening up his bookbag, he sees that his textbooks are unscathed. Thank fucking God.

All the time, he feels Parker’s eyes on him. The kid is too pretty for his own good—both he and his boyfriend. When he came to MIT, he had envisioned dozens of nightmare scenarios regarding roommates. Maybe they’d steal his clothes, eat his food, leave their hair in the drain. Instead, he’d gotten a goddamn Calvin Klein model and his twink. Sometimes, Tony had to lay awake facing the wall on his side of the dorm room, pretending he didn’t hear the breathy giggles and dirty, foul whispers as the two fooled around while their roommate was ‘sleeping’. It left him unbearably hard, determined not to rut into the mattress lest they find out that he was still awake (and stop, God, please don’t stop—).

It was all very, very fucked up: how much Tony liked them; how much it made him hate them.

“You’re gonna catch pneumonia,” Parker says.

“What do you want me to do about it, kid?” Tony asks. He’s only three years older than Parker, but the kid seems so young—the enthusiasm, the naivete, the buoyancy. Tony can’t help but call him kid.

Parker raises his eyebrows. “It’s your room. Take off your clothes.”

Tony stops where he’s flipping through his textbook. He lets it fall closed with a thud, assessing Parker’s gaze. He looks innocent enough, maybe a little sleepy, but he wasn’t dumb by any means (a full ride to MIT proved that). Surely he had to know how that sounded, for him to tell his boyfriend’s roommate to undress in front of him.

“In front of you, Parker? I’ll take the pneumonia.”

The kid just grins, shaking his head. “Whatever. Are you going to the Halloween Party at Delta Psi?”

“Everybody is going to the Halloween Party at Delta Psi,” Tony answers flatly.

“Are you going to wear a costume?”

“Fuck no.”

“Because you have no idea what to wear, right.”

Tony rolls his eyes. “You’re a shit, Parker. So, what if I don’t? I’m an engineer; what do I need to dress up for?”

“I’m dressing Bucky; I could dress you too.”

“Yeah,” Tony snarks. “That’s just what I want.”

The bathroom door opens. Bucky appears in nothing but a towel around his hips. His abs violate state and federal laws—or at least if they don’t, they should. His hair is wet and up in a bun. Eyes like the ocean iced over drag up and down Tony’s body, making him feel heated despite the goosebumps on his skin. Tony is keenly aware of how his nipples have hardened, somewhere between the icy downpour and the sight of Parker looking fucked out on the twin-sized bed.

“Took you long enough,” Tony mutters. He grabs some clothes from the drawer and disappears into the bathroom, cranking the shower (and the drain is spotless because Barnes is a fucking good guy who cleans up after himself, the asshole) up to hellish proportions and peeling his wet clothes from his body. On the other side of the door are warm voices that are easy enough to tune out, or to tune into when he’s standing under the burning spray with a hand on his cock.

-

When he gets out of the shower, Parker is gone back to his own dorm. Bucky is eating a bowl of cereal, still shirtless. The words come out of Tony’s mouth before he can stop them: “Barnes, I think your boyfriend hit on me when you were in the shower. I just thought you might want to know that.”

Barnes stops chewing. He’s got the best poker face Tony has ever seen, no hint of anger or jealousy or surprise. His jaw closes again with an obscene, sugary crunch. After he swallows, he says, “Thanks, Tony. You’re a good friend.”

-

The first package arrives two days later. It’s for Tony, with no return address. He rolls his eyes—that’s just like his mother to be so dramatic as to not even say she’s sending him anything nor leave her mark. When he opens it though, there are no deliciously baked treats, no heartfelt (maybe a little distant) cards with carefully crafted handwriting, no trinkets that are hideous which he will be forced to cherish. Instead, it’s the ugliest pair of pants he’s ever seen: straight-legged and a size too big for him and a dirty gray.

“The fuck, mom,” Tony mutters. He tosses them aside. “Really off your game, crazy old bat.”

But when Barnes gets out of class and spots the box sitting on Tony’s desk, he points to it. “Did you get the first part of your costume?”

“Excuse me?”

“Your costume?” Bucky enunciates more, the fucking asshole, like Tony didn’t hear him the first time. “Peter told me that you said you were cool with him getting you a costume. He gets really fucking into Halloween. I saw this picture of him up in his Aunt’s apartment in Queens—”

Tony holds up a hand. “Stop. Rewind. I in no way told Parker he could dress me up for Halloween. Period.”

Barnes just raises his eyebrows. “That’s not what Peter thinks.”

“I couldn’t care less what he thinks, I’m not some doll for him to play with.”

“Next time he’s over, you can tell him so.” The guy’s pale eyes fucking glitter—glitter—like he knows that’s not going to go over well for Tony. And maybe it won’t, maybe Tony’s going to have to break some fucking hearts, but there’s no chance in hell he’s going to be caught dead in a costume, especially not one picked by a doe-eyed little twink like Parker.

But when Parker arrives for his date with Bucky two hours later, pink-cheeked from the windy cold, he’s got another little box tucked under his arm that he thrusts into Tony’s hands.

Tony thrusts it back. “Nope. Don’t want it.”

Parker frowns, looking up at Tony with those flat brows curled in confusion. “What do you mean? It’s for your costume.”

Barnes watches everything through the reflection in the mirror he keeps by his bed. He’s currently combing his hair like a schmuck (fuck, he looks so handsome), mouth pressed into a flat line, though Tony suspects that it’s more from holding back laughter than expressing any discontent. Tony chooses a point on the wall above Parker’s head and stares at it. The kid’s got eyes like vortexes, and Tony isn’t getting sucked in, no sir, not today.

“No costume. I’m not wearing a costume.”

“Sure you are, I’ve already bought the stuff. It’s started to arrive—did you get the pants?”

“Pants? Is that what they’re called? They’re hideous—” Barnes makes a noise in the corner that has Tony throwing a fuming glare his way. “I’m not going to wear them, or anything else. So return the stuff, kid.”

Parker stares down at the small package in his hands. “I—I can’t. I had it expedited so that it would get here in time for Halloween. No returns.”

“No re—? Well, fuck. That’s not my problem. I didn’t ask you to buy me stuff for a costume. What the hell were you going to dress me up as, anyway? A corpse from the 80’s?”

When Parker looks up, his eyes are a little misty. He rubs at one with his forearm, probably scratching himself with the wool from his coat. “It was gonna be a surprise.”

And yep. There it is. That does Tony in, because as much as Tony wishes he was the no good cruel piece of shit that plenty of people around MIT and the New England area like to label him as, he’s a sucker for tears. He’s seen his mom cry too many times, it just—it gets to him.

Tony snatches the package out of the kid’s hands. He points a finger at him. “No cartoon characters. No cross-dressing. No dorky inanimate objects, like a fork or a wet floor sign. Got it? Swear to God, kid, if you embarrass me in front of the whole school, I will never forgive you.”

“Why would I want to embarrass you?” Parker asks. He holds out a pinky. “It’s not embarrassing. Promise.”

“Fuck your pinky, man. Go on your date. Get out—you too Barnes, I don’t want to see either of your faces for like, two hours or something. Swear to God. I’m at the end of my rope, do you hear me? The end of my fucking rope.”

-

In the box is a scarf, long and plain and red. Tony rolls his eyes and sets it with the pants.

That night when he returns from his evening class, he finds that Barnes and his boyfriend have dragged all the blankets off of Bucky’s bed and onto the floor creating the warmest, coziest looking nest Tony’s ever seen. It looks like a slice of Heaven after coming in from the brutal cold. The best spot of all looks to be somewhere in between Barnes who is sprawled on his back, one arm behind his head and the other outstretched, and Peter who lays with his head cushioned on that ridiculous bicep. The size different between the two of them makes Tony’s mouth go dry.

On the wall, a Star Wars movie plays: The Empire Strikes Back.

Parker leans his head up, blinking at the sight of Tony in the doorway. He smiles, so soft and sweet that it hurts. “Hey Tony,” he says. He pats the blanket beside him. “Want to join us? There’s room.”

Tony hasn’t the slightest idea what to make of that. Not even a little one. Doesn’t Parker know how awkward that would be? For Tony to just cuddle in a pillow fort with Barnes and his boyfriend? Doesn’t Parker know how much that would hurt—

“No, I’ve got somewhere to be,” Tony lies. He steps out the door he had just came through and shuts it behind him. The library is always open on campus, and Tony falls asleep bent over the table there, cheek pressed into a book about the latest breakthroughs in Artificial Intelligence.

-

The next day arrives a plain white t-shirt in a plastic bag. Begrudgingly, Tony tries it on. It clings to his chest and the gentle six-pack he sports (nothing like Barnes who spends five days a week at the on-campus gym and drinks protein shakes in the morning). Turning sideways, he eyes himself in the mirror. At least this doesn’t look bad, certainly not with the way it clings to his biceps, but he will be fucking freezing.

Barnes comes in and catches Tony checking himself out in the mirror. For a moment, Tony thinks that maybe Barnes is checking him out, too, but—

“Looks good,” Bucky purrs. Making fun of Tony, surely.

Tony flips him the bird, but the guy just laughs.

“What is he dressing you up as?” Tony asks. Purely out of curiosity. Knowing how whipped Barnes was, Peter could dress him up as anything and he’d take it. Even something embarrassing or emasculating.

Barnes just rolls his eyes. “You know him. It’s a secret.”

The comradery with which he says it, like of course Tony knows how Peter is—something about it itches at the back of Tony’s brain, a mosquito that has landed and started to suck at his blood. But it’s no surprise that Barnes and his boyfriend are weirdos who like to spend more time having ‘dates’ in their dorm room with Tony rather than at a restaurant or the movies or any fucking where else.

But, like all things that Tony doesn’t want to wonder about, he pushes to the back of his brain.

-

The next day, it is a denim jacket and hideous combat boots.

“Fashion homicide,” Tony mutters.

-

The day before Halloween brings Tony a red flannel shirt.

“Goddamnit,” he says, holding it up so Barnes can see. “What is he dressing me up as, a lesbian?”

-

It isn’t until he’s assembling it all in the bathroom that he puts it together—and okay. It’s not bad. Bender was easily the coolest character in the Breakfast Club, though his fashion sense was nothing like Tony’s. The layers—white shirt under flannel under denim—are a little stifling, but out in the cold fall air, it would be perfect. He even combs his hair back.

All in all, Parker could have done far, far worse.

But when he comes out of the bathroom and finds the two of them in the dorm room, he sees that Parker has done worse.

Matching costumes.

Parker is Brian through and through. He looks like a total scrub in his khakis with Nike sneakers on, the long-sleeved sweater that clings to his thin frame. A ballpoint pen is tucked behind his ear, wrist-watch circling the delicate little wrist, and to top it off, a pair of sunglasses are looped over the collar of his sweater.

And Barnes? Forgone are his goth threads. He sits on his bed wearing blue jeans that hug his broad thighs, the whitest shoes that Tony’s ever seen, and a goddamn blue wifebeater that shows off his arms, both heavily muscled. Folded on his pillow is a letterman jacket, and Tony doesn’t even like jocks, but his cock twitches at the sight, thinking of slipping it down off of Bucky’s bare shoulders.

“No—we match,” Tony says.

Peter lights up. “Yes! You got it! The Breakfast Club is a classic.”

“I should have said no matching costumes. We look like—” like boyfriends, Tony thinks, “—like queers. I’m not going out like this.”

“Watch the slurs you throw around,” Barnes says, his mouth an unhappy, flat line.

Tony winces. “I—I didn’t mean it like that. But this is taking it to a whole new level that I’m not comfortable with. Not to mention, three gays all going out in matching costumes? Isn’t that a little suggestive?”

“Suggestive of what?” Parker asks. He’s holding fingerless gloves—the last part of Tony’s costume. It’s the cherry on top. With the cigarettes that Tony plans to be chainsmoking thanks to the stress of this whole event, he’ll be method acting his character all night.

“Come on. Suggestive, suggestive. Like we’re all—” Tony mashes his hands together.

Barnes reaches out, hand flat, arm flexing nicely. He doesn’t even look at Parker and Parker doesn’t look at him, but they slap hands in a high five.

“Am I speaking in tongues? I’m not fucking leaving like this; I’m not going to have the whole campus thinking I’m your loser third wheel.” It would be too painful, when there’s a shameful part of him that would gladly be the third wheel to them, that’s desperate to be between them. This feels like the crudest parody.

“You wouldn’t be,” Peter says.

“Pete, maybe we shouldn’t do this right now,” Barnes interrupts.

“No, Bucky, this was supposed to—supposed to be cute!” Parker turns away from them, towards the wall by Tony’s bed. He drops the gloves there and crosses his arms. It would be petulant if it wasn’t so heartbroken, the curve of his shoulders, his head drooping down morosely. Instead, the kid just looks like he’s trying to hold himself together.

Tony sighs. It takes Herculean strength not to roll his eyes. “Kid. I’m sorry. Clearly this meant a lot to you. Fuck knows why, but—”

Peter turns around, eyes tearful and flashing with anger. He reaches up to his ear, fiddling with the lobe with trembling fingers. Grabbing Tony’s wrist, he puts a little diamond earing in his palm, just like Claire did with Bender.

“What’s this?” Tony says, shoulders hunching. “My ears aren’t pierced.”

“Yes they are,” Peter says through his teeth. “You probably got them pierced five or so years ago, but your dad was an asshole about it and made you take them out. It’s been ages and the holes are hard to see but they still won’t close.”

Tony blanches. He can still hear the way Howard demeaned him, spent the whole dinner talking his Tony’s mother about how ridiculous the boy looked, how it gave people ideas about him, because pierced ears are for women and the only men who have them are faggots. “How the fuck do you even know that?”

“Do you think I’m dumb?” This is the loudest Peter’s ever been, his usual fragile voice replaced by this one that is sure and angry and doesn’t crack.  “One: I spend every moment that I’m not looking at Bucky looking at you. I’ve got eyes; I know what a hole in an ear looks like, thanks. Two: your dad is an asshole about everything. He’s probably the reason why you don’t drink mixed drinks, why you call us queers even though you’re bi, why you lie and say you’re going to spend the whole holiday break at home but then come back and spend it here alone in the dorm. Because your dad is an asshole.

“He’s probably the reason why you’re such a fucking dunce too. A thick skull must run in the family, because Bucky and I have been hitting on you the entire semester and even though you go into the bathroom to jerk off every time you come back to the dorm and catch us making out, you won’t make a move or, or let us make the move, and—”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Tony says, his own voice rising to a shout. “You’ve been doing all this bullshit on purpose? Blowing Barnes when you know I’m awake? Skipping around here in your underwear because, what, you know it turns me on? Because you want to out me? Am I a fucking joke to you?”

“No,” Peter shouts, slapping a hand flat on Tony’s chest. “We like you, fuckface!”

The force of Peter’s tiny hand barely makes Tony sway, but the words—those might as well knock him to his knees. He feels like the scarf around his neck is on too tight, like there’s not enough air in the room. He licks his lips, his eyes moving between Peter’s red-rimmed eyes and nose (he’s an ugly crier) and Bucky who is still sitting on the twin bed watching them, his face white and afraid.

“You like me?” Tony asks. “What does that even mean? You two are together.”

“It means,” Peter says, taking Tony’s fist, coaxing open the anxious fingers to wear the diamond stud earring still rests, cutting into his palm. Peter presses his thumb against it, tenderly. “That we like you. We want you. To get to know you. You—and not your hang-ups.”

Tony shakes his head, taking his hand from Peter’s burning grip. “I—I can’t do that. My dad—”

“—is an asshole,” Bucky mutters.

Tony snorts softly. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re not wrong.”

“We don’t have to go home with you at Thanksgiving or Christmas or ever, if you don’t want,” Peter says. “We just want a chance. We want you to do something for yourself. Not your dad. Does that make sense?”

The silence lingers around the room. Somewhere in the distance, Halloween music is playing, ghoulish noises and moans and witch-like cackling. Mouth dry, Tony takes the backing off of the stud earing and reaches up, feeling for the holes in the lobes of his ears. It’s been years since he wore them, and his hands are trembling so badly that he can’t even find them—

“I’ll help you,” Peter says tenderly, taking the earring. He has it in in a moment and leans back, taking Tony in from head to toe.

“Well?” Tony asks. He clears his throat—there’s something stuck in it, some lump that he has to swallow away. He holds out his arms. “How do I look?”

“Gay,” Bucky says from the corner, smiling.

“That’s it!” Tony shouts. “I’m not going! Thanks for nothing! I’m out!”

“Tony,” Peter groans. “He was just joking, he’s—”

But Tony is already stalking to the dorm room door and pulling it open. He stops to glance over his shoulder at Bucky and Peter who are watching him with wide eyes. “Well?” he says. “I’m all for being fashionably late, but if we don’t get going, there’s not going to be anything left of the keg—”

The two scramble for their jackets and follow him out the door.

[uyumllks]

and nothing changes

Jisung x Reader (Angst)

Words: 524

“No! No. You do not get to show up and ruin everything for me. What gives you the right? Huh? You shouldn’t be here.” Her voice wavered and every drop of alcohol in her system had absorbed into anger. The people around them had begun to focus less on the party and watched in curiosity. The moment was still for a moment before Jisung spoke up.

“L-listen, I know that I don’t have any right to come up here and ask for forgiveness and I’m so sorry for what I did to you. I just… I cannot live without you, Rina. You mean the world to me and I know that I don’t deserve you but I’m just asking for you to think about it. Think about me, about us.” Jisung’s voice was soft and barely heard over the lowered music. His eyes were red and puffy and his face looked so solemn. Rina’s stomach clenched at the sight and she felt herself wanting to cry. It was so fucking unfair how every time she felt safe and like herself again he’d somehow come along and mess it all up. It’s like the world had some screwed agenda to completely destroy her life until there was absolutely nothing left. 

“Jisung, you need to leave. This is not the time nor the place. I’m tired of having to run from you. Please, just leave me alone.” She turned away from his figure, walking to the front of the house. The door was wide open and she shoved past the partygoers lingering in the frame. She could feel him trailing after her, body warm and so unwittingly inviting. The vivid memories of being held in his embrace were like a slap to the face and the tears that came with them rushed out like molten lava. 

“Jisung, don’t follow me, I can’t do this tonight. I-I don’t think I can do this ever. You need to go.” 

“Why, Rina? I know what you’re thinking, I’m thinking the same thing, there’s no need to make this harder than what it is. Please just come back home to me… I’m begging you, Rina. I still love you, I have always loved you and I’ve never stopped.” He took two steps forward before embracing Rina from behind, holding onto her trembling body tightly. 

The moment felt so soothing and perfect, just like old times. Rina felt she could lie to herself and pretend that everything was going to be okay but going back to Jisung would do nothing but cause more heartache. There was nothing left for her with him but at this moment she could at least let herself believe. Her eyes closed and she allowed herself to focus on the pounding beat of Jisung’s heart. Was it as broken as hers? Did he feel the same pain she was feeling at this very moment? 

“I need to go… I-I’m sorry, Jisung.” She removed his arms from around and pushed him away. He didn’t follow her as she ran this time, the night eating up the last of her silhouette. Just like every other night, nothing changed. 

[erineverly]

            FATHER’S  DAY.  each  year ,  while  other  children  and  adults  hit  the  stores  looking  for  the  most  adorable  cards ,  colorful  bouquets  and  other  sweet ,  thoughtful  gifts ,  erin  attempts  to  ignore  even  the  tiniest  things  that  could  remind  her  about  the  loving  dad  she’s  never  had.  as  the  radio  stations  across  the  country  play  songs  dedicated  to  all  these  admirable  parental  figures  who  have  inspired  their  offsprings  to  achieve  great  things  in  life  and  the  commercials  on  the  tv  speak  only  about  spoiling  the  ones  who  have  taught  the  future  generations  how  to  be  better  people ,  she  pretends  she  doesn’t  hear  the  obvious  messages  they  carry  and  avoids  turning  these  two  devices  on.  she  even  goes  as  far  as  trying  to  convince  herself  that  everything’s  simpler  and  better  the  way  it  is  —  she  doesn’t  have  to  spend  hours  wondering  how  to  honor  her  dad ,  how  to  be  more  creative  than  her  siblings ,  how  to  outdo  herself  and  whatever  gift  she  gave  him  the  previous  year.  she  doesn’t  want  to  be  pitied  and  tries  to  play  it  cool  but  deep  down  it  tears  her  heart  to  pieces.  unfortunately ,  there’s  nothing  that  can  be  done  to  change  it.  her  father  has  been  gone  for  exactly  twenty  years ,  absent  physically ,  as  well  as  emotionally.  he’s  missed  all  of  her  birthday  parties ,  all  of  her  recitals  and  school  plays ,  wasn’t  there  to  teach  her  how  to  drive  a  car  or  fix  a  dripping  faucet  or  even  just  watch  her  fly  her  first  kite  at  the  shore.  all  he’s  left  her  with  are  thousands  of  scars ,  the  constantly  bleeding  wounds  that  refuse  to  gradually  go  away  as  time passes ,  and  the  only  lesson  he’s  ever  taught  her  is  how  to  question  every  person,  or  rather  every  man ,  who  tries  to  offer  her  his  LOVE.  he  doesn’t  deserve  to  be  called  a  father  and  for  two  decades  erin’s  tried  to  erase  this  day ,  behave  as  if  it  was  just  another  sunday  in  june ,  as  though  there  was  nothing  special  about  it.

            however ,  ever  since  learning  that  she’ll  become  a  parent  herself  this  november ,  she’s  been  thinking  a  lot  about  her  own  childhood  and  how  it  shaped  her  into  the  person  she  is  today.  her  father’s  absence  is  the  reason  why  she  constantly  questions  her  worth  and  worries  her  husband  will  one  day  abandon  her ,  too.  her  mother’s  authoritarian  personality  is  the  one  to  blame  for  her  shyness  and  anxiety ,  her  extremely  protective  nature  the  cause  for  erin’s  childish  and  naive  behavior.  her  parents  have  never  been  perfect  but  she’s  been  doing  her  best  to  try  and  understand  them ,  forgive  and  learn  how  not  to  repeat  their  mistakes.  she’s  been  thinking  about  all  the  difficulties  that  come  with  parenthood ,  all  the  struggles  and  tears.  it  terrifies  her ,  makes  her  wonder  if  a  person  as  broken  as  herself  is  fit  for  this  extremely  important  and  challenging  role.  the  only  thought  that  can  put  a  genuine  smile  on  her  face  and  keep  her  sane  today  is  the  one  that  crosses  her  mind  every  time  her  stormy  gaze  flickers  to  her  husband’s  bright  emeralds  —  their  child  will  never  feel  the  way  she  has.  they  will  never  feel  worthless  or  inadequate ,  unloved  or  unwanted.  their  child  will  have  someone  who  deserves  to  be  called  not  just  farther  or  dad  but  daddy  or  DADA.  someone  who’ll  truly  care  about  him  or  her.  although ,  the  first  few  weeks  have  been  nothing  but  a  gigantic  struggle  for  both  of  them ,  it  seems  that  they’re  finally  coming  to  terms  with  the  fact  that  their  lives  are  inevitably  changing.  this  giant  responsibility  has  landed  upon  their  shoulders  a  little  sooner  than  expected  but  she  doesn’t  want  to  pull  her  hair  out  or  cry  all  night ,  anymore.  she  wants  to  hope  for  the  best  and  enjoy  their  time  together  as  a  family.  

            today  is  an  extremely  special  day  because  not  only  is  it  axl’s  first  ever  father’s  day  but  also  the  very  first  father’s  day  that  erin’s  truly  excited  about  and  wants  to  celebrate  to  the  fullest.  their  baby  hasn’t  even  been  born  yet  but  her  husband  has  already  made  her  believe  that  he’s  a  better  man  and  a  better  father  than  don (  or  william ,  or  stephen ,  or  any  other  sperm  donor  in  this  world  ).  he’s  proven  that  he  can  be  the  kind  of  parent  everyone  wants  to  have.  he  hasn’t  left  her  alone  with  this.  he’s  been  extremely  caring  and  supportive ,  even  though  she  can  tell  that  this  new  role  isn’t  something  he’s  adjusting  to  easily.  for  this  very  reason ,  as  a  little  thank  you for  his  kindness ,  she’s  decided  to  give  him  an  unforgettable  day  —  one  that’s  solely  about  him.  first ,  she  let  him  sleep  in ,  get  some  much  needed  rest.  then ,  she  made  him  heart - shaped  waffles  for  breakfast  and  brought  them  on  a  wooden  tray  to  their  bedroom.  later ,  they  went  for  a  long  walk  with  their  dogs  and  got  ice  cream.  and  now  she’s  taking  him  to  malibu ,  to  their  favorite  spot ,  the  same  one  where  many  years  ago  they  had  their  first  real  date  and  realized  they  had  fallen  in  love  with  each  other.  if  she  closes  her  eyes  even  just  for  a  moment ,  she  can  still  see  this  young ,  bashful  boy  with  dreams  bigger  than  both  of  them  and  a  heart  so  full  of  affection  and  devotion ,  love  for  her  that  it  could  barely  fit  inside  his  chest ,  his  porcelain  skin  basking  in  the  sun ,  his  green  eyes  reflecting  the  color  of  the  ocean.  at  the  time ,  he  was  as  poor  as  a  rat  but  he  still  made  sure  her  stomach  was  full  and  her  mind  at  ease.  he  brought  homemade  food  and  even  somehow  found  a  picnic  basket  ( to  this  day  she  has  no  idea  where  he  got  it  from  ).  it  was  a  magical  date ,  one  of  the  most  memorable  dates  ever  for  sure.  it’s  hard  to  believe  that  shy  boy  is  going  to  be  a  father  in  a  few  months  and  the  third  sunday  of  june  will  always  be  all  about  him.

            as  they  stroll  along  the  shore ,  bathing  in  the  warm  glow  of  the  afternoon  sun ,  erin  can  barely  take  her  eyes  off  of  her  husband.  her  husband.  she  still can’t  believe  he  really  is  her  husband,  not  her  boyfriend.  husband.  while  she  continues  to  gaze  at  him  as  if  he  hung  the  stars  and  the  moon ,  she  comes  to  the  conclusion  that  neither  the  ocean ,  nor  the  blue ,  cloudless  sky  above  their  heads  can  compete  with  his  beauty.  the  corners  of  her  lips  twitch ,  a  look  of  sheer  happiness  passes  over  her  visage.  she  has  to  admit  that  despite  being  insanely  handsome ,  he  also  looks  a  bit  ridiculous  (  or  rather  ridiculously  adorable ) with  his  red  bandana  no  longer  tied  around  his  head  but  wrapped  tightly  a  few  inches  lower ,  covering  his  starry  eyes ,  preventing  him  from  peeking  and  ruining  the  surprise.  she  can’t  let  him  see  what’s  awaiting  him.  it  has  to  be  kept  secret  until  the  very  last  moment.  after  all ,  that’s  what  makes  things  even  more  exciting.  erin’s  right  arm  remains  draped  around  his  slim  hips ,  guiding  him  and  making  sure  he  doesn’t  lose  his  balance  now  that  she’s  taken  away  one  of  his  senses.  the  sand  is  warm  beneath  the  soles  of  her  bare  feet  (  she  could  barely  wait  and  took  her  wedges  off  the  second  she  parked  her  car  and  got  out  of  it  ) ,  tiny  grains  falling  from  her  skin  with  each  step.  she  blissfully  lifts  her  chin  a  little  higher ,  closing  her  eyes  for  a  second  as  the  salty  breeze  flows  through  her  dark  ringlets  and  kisses  her  rosy  cheeks.  her  blue  cotton  summer  dress  billowing ,  delicate  fabric  dancing  in  the  wind ,  threatening  to  uncover  what’s  beneath.  it  makes  her  giggle ,  has  her  feeling  all  carefree  and  joyous.  her  fingers  curl  a  little  tighter  around  axl’s  hip  as  she  pushes  herself  up  onto  her  tip  toes  and  plants  a  gentle  kiss  on  his  cheek.  she  wishes  they  could  spend  the  rest  of  their  lives  right  where  they  are.  ❛  alrighty !  it’s  right  in  front  of  you ,  ❜  she  softly  coos,  coming  to  a  stop.  ❛  are  you  ready  ?  ❜  to  finally  see  what  this  grand  surprise  is.  she’s  thrumming  with  a  combination  of  nerves  and  excitement  as  her  slender  fingers  carefully  work  on  undoing  the  knot.  with  his  red  strands  and  the  summer  wind  in  the  way ,  it  takes  her  a  good  minute  to  succeed.

            right  before  them ,  in  a  more  secluded  area  of  the  beach ,  with  a  beautiful  cliff  on  one  side  and  azure  waves  crashing  against  the  shore  on  the  other ,  erin’s  created  their  charming  picnic  spot.  all  she  needed  was  an  ounce  of  creativity.  when  combined  with  some  stunning ,  exotic  flowers ,  a  bohemian  teepee  tent ,  a  few  fire  logs  (  in  case  they  decide  to  stay  long  enough  to  watch  the  sun  set  on  the  horizon  and  it  gets  cold  )  and  some  sweet  treats ,  it  resulted  in  a  picture  perfect date  plan.  with  a  little  help  from  her  brother ,  erin’s  managed  to  make  it  look  more  than  just  decent  —  something  straight  out  of  a  movie  or  a  fairytale.  the  linen  walls  of  the  tent  are  meant  to  protect  them  from  the  wind  and  keep  the  bright  rays  away  from  her  husband’s  porcelain  skin.  garlands  made  of  lilies  and  peonies  adorning  the  entrance ,  their  smell  a  combination  of  sweetness  and  happiness.  inside  the  teepee ,  to  make  it  even  more  cozy  and  inviting ,  there’s  a  pile  of  soft  blankets  and  a  bunch  of  colorful  pillows ,  as  well  as  a  picnic  basket  with  all  kinds  of  delicious  teats  underneath  its  lid.  there’s  also  a  blue  bag  —  a  little  gift  from  their  unborn  child  to  the  greatest  daddy  in  the  world.  inside ,  among  torn  rose  petals  and  a  few  other  presents ,  he’ll  find  a  t-shirt  that  says  dada  bear  and  a  tiny  onesie  that  says  little  bear ,  an  album  with  pictures  of  them  and  captions  explaining  (  in  simple  yet  poetic  words  )  their  journey  together  from  the  night  they  met  to  the  day  they  found  out  they  were  having  a  baby ,  a  brand  new  video  camera  so  that  they’ll  be  able  to  record  all  the  precious  moments  with  their  son  or  daughter ,  a  tape  with  some  of  their  favorite  songs  turned  into  lullabies  that  her  brother  and  his  friends  had  worked  in  secret  for  weeks  on  and  a  red ,  heart - shaped  card  .  .  .  a  small  letter  from  their  baby  to  him ,  written  in  erin’s  handwriting :  

           happy  father’s  day,  daddy  !            it’s  the  very  first  one  that  we’re  celebrating  and  i’m  just  a  teeny  tiny  human  now  but  i  already  want  to  tell  you  so  many  things  !  first  and  foremost  — I  LOVE  YOU  SO  MUCH !  i  love  you  the  mostest  !  and  even  though  you  sometimes  doubt  yourself ,  i  know  that  you  are  the  best  daddy  in  the  whole  wide  world  and  i  am  so  grateful  that  it’s  you  i’ll  get  to  learn  from  in  the  future.  my  favorite  part  of  each  day  is  the  one  when  you  talk  or  sing  to  me ,  or  when  you  kiss  and  hug  me.  i  can’t  wait  to  finally  meet  you  and  fall  asleep  in  your  arms  or  on  your  chest  or  even  in  my  crib  with  you  watching  over  me  but  i  have  to  be  patient.  just  a  few  more  months ,  daddy.  i  may  not  be  able  to  give  you  many  precious  gifts  now  but  i  promise  to  draw  plenty  of  pretty  pictures  just  for  you  in  the  future  !  i’ll  bake  thousands  of  cakes  and  cookies  for  all  your  favorite  holidays  and  i’ll  sing  all  of  your  favorite  songs  in  the  car  with  you.  i  can’t  wait  to  finally  hug  you  back.  next  year ,  we’ll  do  all  these  fun  things  that  dads  and  their  babies  do  !  i’m  looking  forward  to  meeting  you  and  celebrating  many  more  father’s  days  with  you  —  the  coolest  daddy  in  the  universe  !              i  love  you  so  much ,              your  teeny  tiny  rose.

            clutching  her  husband’s  red  bandana  in  her  left  hand  and  squeezing  his  wrist  with  her  right  one ,  erin  carefully  studies  his  expression.  her  heart  has  somehow  left  her  chest  and  is  now  beating  within  the  confines  of  her  throat ,  not  even  the  delicate  breeze  can  carry  away  all  of  her  worries.  what  if  instead  of  making  him  happy ,  she’ll  only  stress  him  out  ? what  if  he  gets  upset  or  decides  the  gifts  she’s  picked  for  him  are  too  cheesy  ?  she  can  only  hope  it’s  not  too  much  for  him  to  handle.  after  all ,  she  wants  this  day  to  be  special ,  not  terrifying  and  stressful  for  him.  ❛  happy  father’s  day,  axy,  ❜  she  whispers ,  pressing  her  lips  to  his  soft  cheek  and  kissing  it  again.  her  hand  curling  a  little  tighter.  ❛  our  lion  cub  wanted  to  do  something  nice  for  his  or  her  favorite  dad  and  so  .  .  .  this  is  what  we  came  up  with.  we  know  you  like  picnics  and  the  ocean  ?  i  got  applesauce  and  peanut  butter  sandwiches  ?  happy  first  father’s  day ,  baby.  ❜

☆  ;  @thornrosed​

[mistersandmangivemeadream]

a tribute/love letter

Intro: This was a request from @cerem00ny​ to talk about the Good Omen boys. As is usual, I seemed to have let myself get ahead of myself, but it was all in honest earnest admiration.

As Death says, “there are many men (anybody really) who have said it better or more succinct(ly)” than what I am to attempt. 

This is Death to @neil-gaiman​

CW: Death (figuratively and well quite literally), References to Alzheimer's

Read on Ao3

Dreams are my brother’s work. 

You know my brother’s work well. 

But have you wrote Gods out of existence like me? 

Does your son know of me? Or will you leave that to my sister, Time? 

But what of me?

There are many men who have said it better or more succinct-certainly better than what I am about to attempt. 

~

My children fight. For they are all my children. Before they were Gods’, they were always mine.I have always been. And one day when I meet with God and the anger at being separated for so long is all that is left in the inky black. 

I will say, 

‘I did your work.’

‘Please, forgive me.’

~

As leaves shook in the London breeze under a  gazebo at the end of the world-I felt what I had not felt since the Beginning; An apocalypse that was mine. 

‘Unforgivable’

“Unforgivable.That’s what I am.” 

So when that damned demon got to it before me, I felt the abandonment imminent and on my tongue as ice gathered at my scythe. And I could not move. 

Then as the nightingales sang a treble tune for the two of you, Angel, you looked scared and momentarily confused. 

As if you could forget anything. Aziraphale, acting falsely against your nature, boy.  Your holiness that had been forged from a quasi-devotion forged in your kind since before you could remember blinking. I was there beside them the day of a thousand eyes. You did it because That Was What Angels Do. You love my Beloved because there never was any other choice. 

You love him, before you, without a single demand. 

Was it the day they bombed that church as if everything was a penniless thing except your faith. That had always been well placed? 

There was bones that day, Aziraphale. I did not see your doubt in the ashes. I saw your compliance. Your punishment is God can not take that away come disease, famine, or ruin. And God did not, will not smite you. 

Don’t you think it strange? 

If you can pretend to forget him. There is not a thing you can do for that splinter in your heart now. 

What are you going to do when you are not saving the world? 

Crowley.  O’ where does your fear sleep at night? For it is not with me. Or my brother. Or my sister. Though she says ‘hello’. Nor is it with my lover in prayer. Your wordless lips in tangled sheets have given far more service to an angel than ever to your God that left you. Now, he too might leave you? If I could shout at you I would. My jaw twitches. I remain silent. 

Death is only good for endings. 

~

I switch off the television. Waiting for the things in the walls to stop. I remember what I am king of again. I consider dinner. 

I am saying it was good. What you did was good. The work was good.

And I will tell him hello from you. 

For the days he forgot you, I promise you I sent Dream, Neil.  You know my own brother  better than I though occasionally they too answer my calls. Though the man wanted me. I ignored his voicemails. I hope you too, can forgive me for that. 

My sister said it was a loan. I can only imagine what the price will be.

Perhaps the cheap red lingerie she always has threatened to put me in. 

To remember the songs; 

I needed him to not forget even for a second what you had done with all that well-placed faith. I am a selfish thing Mr. Gaiman. I may have cheated (I am Death.  I’m allowed) and shown him the gazebo at the end of the world. For Death is only good for endings after all and it was Time. He of course had commentary, as you very well know our Terry would have, but you know what was not there? 

Confusion. Not an ounce of anger. 

I let him hold my scythe.

What utter delight that man had at holding me at last. I smiled as I had not smiled for five thousand and one lifetimes. 

Teeth you know are the only bones that show.

Maybe, I was bored.

 Or….it was your service Mister Gaiman. 

To your small gods, your American gods, mischievous gods, your goddess wife, changeling child, to the old & new, to Aziraphale & Crowley, to Sir Terry Pratchett,

To memory and to your grief, I raise a glass. 

To all your tomorrows, 

Death 

P.S. I thoroughly enjoyed the portrayal of ‘Death’ in the Sandman Chronicles. In particular, I am flattered you think I could have such an exquisite shape. The last time I tried Kohl was during Thutmose III’s going away party and I think I put it much too thick.  

Though your portrayal of incorrigible sass was practically well done. 

[boneslaw]

Basement

Ausland grabbed a knife from the kitchen block. He descended the stairs two at a time. Wood planks creaked like the neurotic swing of a cradle, seconds after the footsteps that threw her head into the table. She panicked, she tried to hide, but there was no hesitation from him. His chest heaved after a half mile sprint. His ribs were on fire. Nettles from the trees hadn't been shaken off his arms, pine needles in his Chucks-

He didn't trust the visions pushed through his head. He wanted to believe that all this faith in her wasn't for nothing. He had to see for himself. Asclepius' warning didn't help. He swung off the handrail, crashing onto the ground floor of his basement. Whatever it was that lurched up his throat, lumpy and burning like bile, was easier to swallow than the body laying there at his feet. “It's not something I want you tangled in..." He told her. Two weeks prior was their six month anniversary. The moment was magical in every sense of the word until it wasn't. It was marred and the culprit was foreshadowing only visible in retrospect. He held onto her that night. His fingers intertwined with hers but his grip was anything but soft. Desperate, he held on like he'd lose her. "It's not something I want for us. Not when we have plans. Trust me. Trust me. Please?" The request was simple. That should have been the end of it. But she didn't call. She didn't ask. She went into the basement. What was a relationship without trust? What was a promise- twice made- if she couldn't keep it? Every blood vessel swollen from its root. Wide-eyed, he prowled over her body. She drew wispy breaths through her bangs. Blood that pooled around her head gave a slight shake like gelatin. Her phone laid cracked to her side, spinning in a slow rotation after her fall. He wanted just one sign that this was an accident. A mistake. That this can end in him sweeping her off the floor, and tending to her wound in the kitchen with a chuckle and a kiss. That stopped being probable when her phone was left unlocked. 9-1... displayed across the screen. His gut sucked in. His abdomen knocked against his spine, as a a convulsive gasp threw him onto the floor. Trust was broken, but he'd made promises to more than her. His opposite hand, one that worshiped her like a Goddess, dug into her hair. He pulled her head from the floor, hand knotted and ready to slam it back through the wood until Mia, his Mia, a self-fulfilling, ingrown parody of Orpheus and Eurydice, soaked through in the floorboards she was never supposed to touch. 'Stop.' Asclepius' said. An amalgamate of flesh and stone towered over them. It had fallen into the backdrop once its grotesque moment in the limelight was over. Ausland didn't pay it mind. Leniency wasn't available when his heart was hammering, when his pleas for her safety and his future had depended on her not doing one thing. Just one thing, the only thing he had ever asked of her. Hesitation nor opposition stopped the swing of the knife- but what pulled the momentum was clarity: his head was blank. There usually was an X. An arc, a graphic connect the dots of where he had to strike to incisively end it. Killing did not come naturally. There was no muscle memory when it wasn't extended. It was always there- but not that he could see. Her face would be cleaved at a slipshod angle. The blade would get jammed in cartilage. She'd wake, screaming and crying, steel between the eyes, and try to say something. He'd listen to a bullshit apology through a sectioned face, split lip weeping an excuse why of he should forgive- He twisted his wrist like he was pulling a rope. His hand wound in her hair so tight it stretched the skin from her skull. He could do it. He could do it. He could ignore Asclepius and finish it, but the fact of the matter set in: Their life was over. She was always on his mind. She was never not on his mind. The last six months was a break from the endless morbid monotony. She was the one. His soulmate. The fixture his future would be sculpted around, the lively ying to the third party in the room. Asclepius had his psyche mired in a warped reality, but the need for normalcy was inherently human. It was inscribed in the bones so deep years under its oppressive power hadn't yet shaken it. His whimpering bordered on incoherence. Asclepius was hardly a sympathetic ear but he had no one else. "She shouldn't be here." He broke. Nose to nose, he pulled her in, openly weeping into her unconscious cheek. The hold he had over her scalp had her eyes open- just a sliver- offering no motive. "Why? Why did you do it? I didn't want you here, Mia, I didn't-" 'Neither did I.' Asclepius said. It's exposed rib cage expanded and deflated slower now that the excitement passed. 'But am I surprised?' "You were right about her..." 'And I wish I wasn't.' His knuckles blanched around the handle. Mia laid as a blondish, pinkish blur at his knees. Motionless, she hadn't moved since he'd arrived- despite how much he wanted her to explain. How much he wanted to scream, to ask why. And how much he wanted to punch a hole through her brain when asking lead to further deception. Hatred and heartbreak were a volatile cocktail his body didn't know how to process. 'She saw the best sides of you and took advantage of it.' Asclepius narrated his thoughts. 'Boston wasn't going to happen. That future she fabricated? A pipe dream. She wanted in your head.' It said. 'And it worked. Because you are compassionate. You're a beautiful soul and she saw the idealist in you, the creative artist- but she's a manipulative parasite who takes and destroys. She was only out to corrupt everything you worked for.' He saw the cabin. The dirt road sprawled through the woods, in a sweeping view until the brush broke onto the asphalt. The highway drew a distinct line between obligation, his past, and everything else life had to offer. The City On The Hill was a fantasy. It was a bustling metropolis where he could pluck a guitar in a different hipster joint every night, singing his heart out to the captive audience of a coffee shop And she was with him. Mia was warmth. She was comfort. She was inside jokes, domestic bliss. She was inspiration, words coming to him easy in the quiet moments were fondness filled his chest cavity like helium. She'd be in the papers. A household name. He'd tell everyone on the street who he was with. He'd sing about her, she'd write about him. They'd be proud, dumb, in love, and they'd build a house together. They'd meld their styles until it produced something so distinctively theirs that they couldn't imagine life any other way. But that fantasy caught flame. Colliding with the Earth, it burned like the Hindenburg, razing along Interstate 93 and following them back to where they were now: her head in his lap, and a knife focused for her temple. Tightly wound tendons in his fingers ached. Curls wound in his palm shook loose. His grip slipped as he trembled but he couldn't hit her if he tried. "I could've run away with her. I could've ruined everything." 'Drop the knife.' "What if I had gone? What would she have done?" He swallowed, though his throat felt like ash. "You said that's what'd happen, you've been right the whole time-" 'Did you think that's what this was about? Do you think this is vindicating? Look at me.' His head- eyes red, and ringed with guilt- lifted. When he blinked back the tears, its eye focused on him. It rolled into the stone web of petrified fingers to meet his gaze. It's pupil narrowed to a pinprick. It was sympathetic, when everything human deceived. 'When you said you loved her more than me- I was not thinking about myself. I was thinking about you. You refused to see how dangerous she was. Do you understand what that's like? Watching you poison yourself? Watching you get sicker every time you looked at her, hanging off everything she said?' An ashen limb reached out. Attached at an angle too obscure to be anatomically correct, it rubbed rhythmic circles in his back. Its knuckles grazing his shuddering shoulder blade. Asclepius' presence was smothering in a way he found familial. It wanted the best for him, even if it meant tough love and everything that came along with it. 'You didn't see her scoping the house when you were 'sick.' You didn't notice the knife she left on the kitchen counter. She went for the basement on your first date and you thought it was an accident? It wasn't chance she found you- she was hunting you down.' The handle was slipping. His hands were sweating. Every good time they had disintegrated. She was subterfuge. She was lies. He was right. Down to the Superlike, she'd been playing him. She pretended to love his poetry, the art she inspired. She kissed his neck, saying all the right things and making the right moves to make her worm her way into his heart and rewire every capillary until it functioned for her. He buckled. Folding over, his torso blunted the explosive, plangent wail from his chest. He had no neighbors for miles, but his cry sent birds from the trees. "THEN WHY CAN'T I END IT?" His shoulders racked with a sob. "Why can't I end it, huh?! Why can't I cut her off, why can't sever this? She destroyed everything. She made me think we had a future- that I'd have a white picket fence. That I could have a dog, a family, a life I can put on Instagram and be proud of. Someone I could bring home to my parents. She made me think I could balance you and the American dream, that I could love you both-" Asclepius' arm crackled. Joints of a closer, separate arm that hadn't moved since rigor mortis closed around the hand holding the knife. His head buzzed with a steady command, borrowed a voice different from his own. 'Drop it.' 'Drop it.' 'Drop it.' It chanted. 'No one understands more than I do how much you're suffering.' It layered over the cadence. The rock's eye, soft without a lid to inflect, dipped low. 'I am the only one who understands. But there's more to this than what you're feeling.' 'Drop it...' 'Drop it...' "No." He swiped his eye with his shoulder. 'You will reprimand her for the breach of privacy,' It intoned. 'But you will forgive her. You will call me an art project. You'll tell her it's not done.' "You're letting her go!" He railed. "You're letting her go. Why do you want to save her? You showed me how to throw her head into a faucet. You told me to sink her in the lake every chance you got. I've seen you imagine every bone in her arm breaking, but this is where you quit?!" 'And this is the time you choose to doubt me?' It said. 'Think.' His head flooded. Memories- not of Mia, but his life. Every time fight with his parents. When his band disbanded, and every girl that broke his heart from high school to college. The degree whose chance he spoiled, Exam after exam failed, results in envelopes he shredded before opening. Asclepius was always there, ready to console and build him back from the ground-up... But this time felt different. Ausland's posture slipped, falling off his ankles and onto the floor. "I can't do this, man. I loved her." 'You can, and you will. I would never hurt you like she did. Drop the knife.' Necrotic fingernails sank into his wrist. Gently, it pressed, until his thumb slacked. The blade fell. It notched the wood, severing a curl with it. An errant, twisted ankle kicked it away. 'Good. And now...?' It provided the next step. Imagery burrowed into his head like a parasite. The guidance he craved, the resolution to this heartbreak wasn't supposed to be mercy but it was all Asclepius was offering. This request in particular was sadistic. "Why are you doing this?" He asked. "You want to talk to her?" 'Ausland...' He felt the contrasting sensations of what it was asked of him against his palm. Warm blood against stone. Asclepius had a spot picked out, lovingly offering a blank face of caprock, ripe for the taking. Blood meant he would be continuing the charade. "I loved her, man. I loved her so much..." 'I know.' It said. 'There will be time to deal with that. But trust me.' It refreshed the favor. Surrendering to the only force that'd been a constant, his hand moved. Blind, apathetic faith, he followed the direction the phantom thought laid out. Blood spilled over his fingers. His palm smeared a layer off the ground, and crosshatched it across the slate. He painted in broad strokes, splitting his own palm with the pressure. The game would go on. This time, with two players. 'This isn't the end.' Asclepius rewarded. 'The world feels like its over, but this is the start. You did the right thing.' Various limbs bristled. The red, pulsating glow from its 'chest' momentarily brightened. Ausland didn't know what it meant but he wasn't considering much of anything. Pent up rage and sorrow receded. In its place was a numbness, a coping mechanism, so when she opened her eyes she wasn't staring abject homicidal intent in the face. 'She's waking. Wipe your hand. Straighten up. You're a concerned boyfriend. You want to know how she hit her head. You were so scared. You were crying because you were worried. I will handle the rest.'

[caps-lockdown]

Operation: Man Flu Part Five

Operation: Man Flu part five!

This is it folks the last installment of this fic! I’m constantly blown away from all of the kind words from all of you, especially since I’m new to this whole writing thing. I truly loved writing this, and even though I am SUPER sad to see it go, I’m really excited for what’s to come! Enjoy!

Pairings: Steve x Shield Agent Female Reader!

Words: 4,150

Ratings/Warnings: I’m going to put hard R here for the whole thing because there’s going to be cussing, mentions of sickness, alcohol consumption, physical fights, mental breakdowns. Jealousy, love triangles (sort of), and lots of crude humor. Just strap in.

Also no Beta so my mistakes are my only thing to claim, I don’t own any characters either, with the exception of the reader, a doctor, and some random characters here and there.

It is in Y/N (Your Name) L/N (Last Name) format. Enjoy!

Part 5

Monday 1130 Hours

“Where are they?” Sam questioned, tapping his foot impatiently as he and the rest of The Avengers sat at the table for their Monday morning meeting. Y/N was never “one to be late, and the fact that Steve “Mr. Punctuality.” Rogers was with her made it worse.

Tony sighed, clearly annoyed. “I’m sure they’re fine Wilson, take a pill.”

“But what if something happened to them last night? They never came back to the Tower!”

“Again, I’m sure they’re fine. If they were smart they probably ran far away from all of you man children when they had the chance.” Pepper added, sticking her tongue to Sam when he glared at her, before going back to staring at the large doors.

It was true, neither you nor the good captain were seen after you had left mid-afternoon the day before to get coffee. You were nice enough to have the rest of the team’s orders delivered, but even your phone went straight to voicemail when Sam and Nat tried calling you. It was beginning to worry your close friend, who had never expected you of all people to act this way. He just hoped you had a good reason.

As if on cue, you pushed through the doors that lead into the briefing room, a tired but elated looking Captain America at your heels. Everyone didn’t take long to notice your joined hands, and you felt a surge of pride when the room burst out in hollers and cheers.

“So sorry we’re late.” You quickly apologized, noting the glare both Sam and Tony were sporting towards you. “Traffic was murder. But we brought lunch!” You slammed the many paper bags on the table, Steve following suit with a case of soda.

“No, you don’t get to go M.I.A for nearly twenty four hours and expect us to just forgive you!” Sam huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “You didn’t call! You didn’t come home! You didn’t even leave a note! Where the hell were you Y/N? You worried us sick!”

“I would like to add here that Sam was the only one really worried about you. But he was extremely annoying about it.” Tony deadpanned, glancing over to the food and eyes instantly becoming wide. “Wait…are those cheeseburgers? From Kay’s?”

“As an apology for ditching you all last night.” You nodded, noticing the brunette licking his lips and slowly making his way to the table.

“You’re not out of this by a long shot Y/N. Explain yourselves!!” Sam clucked his tongue and pointed his finger at the two of you.

“We didn’t mean to stay out so late, honest.” You started, looking at the ground before meeting your friend’s inquisitive stare. “We just went for coffee…” Your heart raced as Steve lifted your joined hands to place a kiss on the back of your hand.

“Which lead to a walk in central park. Which lead to dinner.” The blonde added, you feeling all sorts of fuzzy when he didn’t break eye contact. “And then a night in with movies. Y/N here overslept and I didn’t have the heart to wake her. You guys did run her ragged the last few days. “

“You spent the whole afternoon and evening together? Alone? And all you did was eat and watch movies?” Bucky stated, obviously in some kind of shock at his best friend.

“Hey we had to make up for lost time.” Came your quick remark, giving Steve a quick kiss while the ladies almost sighed blissfully at the two of you. Bucky and Sam still looked skeptical, but Tony had full on forgotten about the whole conversation at hand, pulling a cheeseburger and fries out of the bag and wasting no time stuffing his face.

“What the hell Stark?” Sam growled, you laughing as Tony looked like a deer caught in the headlights. “Who’s side are you on man?”

“I got Kay’s Wilson, all is forgiven on my end.” Tony muffled out, bits of burger falling out while the rest of the team joined in on the laughter.

“Traitor.” Sam muttered bitterly as you sat down next to him, Steve taking the seat opposite you.

“I’m so sorry Sam I really am. I know I should have called or texted I just.” You sighed, forcing yourself to look at him straight on. “I promise to let you know in the future.”

Your close friend leaned in closer to you. “Annnnd?”

“Annnnd I’ll give you all the juicy details later.” You whispered. Sam wasted no time clapping his hands and nodding at you, opening a bag and grabbing his own food. Everyone else followed suit besides you and Steve, the two of you grabbing breakfast before you came in.

“We can be friends again then!” You snorted as he bit into a french fry, groaning at the deep fried perfection.

“Now that that’s cleared up, I’m happy for you two by the way.” You gave a small smile to the red head at the front of the room. “Y/N you did mention that you had some footage from this weekend you wanted to play for me?” Pepper asked, and you had almost forgotten about the video you had recorded using Sam’s phone. Quickly snatching his cellular device, you made short work of finding a way to cast the clip onto the large screen. Everyone erupted in chuckles and laughs as Pepper watched her husband in horror.

“Do you have a kiss for your favorite hero sweetheart, or are you going to make me beg?”

“I honestly don’t remember this happening at all!” Tony cried out, watching Nat slap him hard across the face in the video, it shortly ending because you couldn’t stop laughing.

“You don’t remember a thing?” Nat asked, a perfectly arched eyebrow raised at the confused man.

“No…but that explains why my cheek hurt so damn much the next day.” He mumbled, another wave of laughter coming over the room.

“Man it really does look better in HD.” Clint called out, everyone agreeing with him. Tony meanwhile was trying (in vain) to suffocate himself with one of the empty burger joint bags.

“I really don’t think that will ever get old.” Bucky chuckled, pretending to wipe a fake tear from his eye. “Y/N I really don’t know how to thank you for that. Or this weekend for that matter.”

“Yes that’s correct, we are in your debt.” Your eyes moved to the god of thunder, shaking your head. “No no we insist. Anything you wish, we must try to make it up to you. Handling all of us was a major feat, and we owe you.”

You put a finger to your chin, pondering for a few moments before looking at Steve with a mischievous smirk, “Well, there is one thing I’ve always wanted to do…”

One month Later, 1700 hours

Nat stared down at her outfit. “Laser tag Y/N? Seriously? What are we, ten?”

You giggled, bouncing up and down on the balls of your feet as you stood in the foyer of the arena. You could hear the techno music blaring through the walls, all of you barely able to hear the gangly teen as he went over the “Rules” of laser tag. You calmly readjusted the vest, looking to your group of friends and beaming at them. Tony and Pepper rented the whole place for two full hours, complete with a pizza party afterwards.

“Yep! This is what I wanted, so deal! Now who’s gonna be the team captains?” Your eyes immediately shot to Steve, who was buckling the rest of his vest shut. “I volunteer Rogers!”

“Then I naturally, must be the other Captain.” Tony cut in, causing you to roll your eyes.

“Sure Stark, whatever floats your boat.”

“Do I get to pick first then too? That would also float my boat.” Stark’s remark earned an exasperated groan from you. The absolute gull of this man was going to drive you to commit murder today.

“Sure, unless Rogers has any complaints?”

“None from me Doll, let Tony have his fun.” The blonde smirked to you, your face flushing when he gave you gave your hand a squeeze.

“Great! Then I pick Y/N!” You choked on nothing, whipping your head around to see Tony sporting the biggest smile you’ve ever seen.

“Fine, then I get Pepper.” Came Steve’s cool reply, you suddenly feeling like this wasn’t a good idea.

“Bucky.” Stark pointed at the soldier, Bucky grumbling to himself about having his best friend ditch him for a Stark. The two of them continued picking until their teams had been formed. Team Tony consisted of Stark, You, Bucky, Clint, and Bruce. Steve had Sam, Nat, Pepper, and Thor. The teen signaled it was time to head in, you sidling up to Steve to wish him good luck.

“Take it easy on me out there? I don’t have as much on field training as Captain America.” You pleaded, the blonde shaking his head at you.

“Sorry Doll, no promises.”

“Can I give you a kiss for good luck?” Your eyes darted to his lips and then back to his eyes, Steve chuckling as he closed the distance between the two of you.

“Well I won’t say no to my best girl.” You leaned in, only to be ripped away from him by a cocky looking Tony.

“NO FRATENIZING WITH THE ENEMY Y/N!” Offering a small smile you were pulled into the arena, your team heading up to the upper level while Steve and his team stayed on the ground. Tony handed each of you your own communications ear piece, which you were more than thankful for, knowing Nat had brought enough for everyone earlier that day.

“Check check is this thing on?” You spoke into it softly, the static clearing out once everyone had theirs on.

“Hear you loud and clear sweetheart.” You smiled at Steve’s voice. At least you’d be able to hear him.

“Yea Y/N, prepare to lose!” Sam’s taunt crackled in your ear, you smirking as both Clint and Bucky took to perching on opposite sides of the room, giving your team a much needed advantage with Nat and Steve working together.

“Alright everyone, no cheating of any kind will be tolerated. This is your only warning.” Bruce threatened, all of you agreeing as the teenager outside began the countdown. Crouching low, you made yourself extremely small, fitting into a dark corner which gave you full visual access to both ramps coming up to the floor.

“Three…Two…One…GO!”

The loud techno music from earlier came as an assault to your ears from the sound system, the walls vibrating as the bass matched the beat of your heart. You could hear the sounds of other’s vest’s being hit, the game starting out with a bang.

“Is that all you got Rogers? I’ve seen better shots from seven year olds on Call of Duty!” Tony taunted, you watching as he ducked behind a large neon green barrel while your blonde boyfriend came running up the ramp to your left. A large flash of light to your right resulted in you bringing a hand up to your mouth to conceal your laughter. Sam had rushed the other side and caught Stark, shooting him square in the back.

“So you want to play dirty huh?” Tony asked before slipping into the darkness while his vest counted down the reset time. Well that can’t be good.

Meanwhile Nat was dodging shots from Clint and Bucky, flipping her way across the bottom floor while Bruce and Thor just kept shooting at one another from behind half walls. You could hear their laughter, happy that at least some people hadn’t been taking the game so seriously. Slowly creeping out of your hole, you made your way to the ledge, aiming your weapon carefully. Steadying your breathing you squeezed the trigger of the gun, pulling it when your target was in sight.

“What the hell? Who shot me?!” Nat yelled into the earpiece, you standing up to your full height and looking over the ledge.

“Gotta think faster than that Red.” Her eyes came up to yours, narrowing into slits as you blew her a kiss. Panic quickly set into your veins as she began making her way to the upper level, quickly scaling up one of the half walls and touching down maybe five feet in front of you.

“Fast enough for you L/N?”

Letting out a nervous chuckle you turned around. “You’ve got to be shitting me.” Pepper and Thor grinned at your fallen face, Pepper not wasting time and shooting you.

“Nice shot Missus Stark.”

“Thanks Lightning bolt.” You flipped them the middle finger, stomping off to find another hiding spot before your vest signaled to the others you were fair game again. The carnage continued on for another fifteen minutes, everyone getting really into the trash talk.

“Hey where’s Stark at?” Sam asked, you realizing you hadn’t heard from your captain in a while. “Tonnnnyy…oh Tooonnnyyy…Come out come out wherever you are…” Sam sung quietly, jumping into dark spots of the arena in search of him.

“Please never sing again Wilson. My ears are bleeding here.” Came Stark’s reply, you laughing as Sam’s voice cracked in annoyance.

“And what the hell are you doing?” You jumped at Sam’s bark, looking around to see if you could find the two of them.

“Obviously I’m busy. Go get your own hiding space.”

“That’s CHEATING! YOU’RE CHEATING!” The two teams ceased in an instant, all of you looking to the far left side of the room, Sam with his hands on his hips in rage.

“Who’s cheating?” Thor inquired, sidling up to you while Steve called for a time out.

“Seems like mister billionaire couldn’t stop himself from upgrading his laser.” Sam accused, Tony looking up at everyone while the lights came up. You could see the laser had been partially disassembled, and the genius had very much been tinkering with it.

“Come on, seriously? It was a few simple rules and you couldn’t follow one? You’re supposed to be Captain!” Clint snapped into the comms link, you looking up to see him wipe his face with his hands. Everyone on your team were feeling extremely pissed off at the current situation.

“I say we throw him out of the game.” Bruce suggested, Sam and Nat nodding in approval.

“What?! No come on guys, I just feel naked without my suit!”Came the billionaire’s half-assed plea, Steve having none of it.

“Tony rules are rules. You’re out pal.” You couldn’t help the giggle that bubbled out of you as Bruce and Steve hoisted the sitting Stark to his feet, Tony whining the whole way out of the arena. You shook your head, looking to the remaining members of your team.

“Well I’m not surprised, but who’s going to be Captain now?” Bucky questioned into the earpiece, Clint looking over at him with a shrug.

“I volunteer as tribute!” You raised your hand, Sam bursting into laughter while Nat shook her head.

“This isn’t hunger games Y/N. And you don’t need a bigger ego.” You pouted openly at Nat and your other so called “Friends”. Sam only nodded between laughs.

“She’s right Y/N. Not to mention the fact that you can’t seem to hit the broad side of a barn.”

“Hey now guys, let’s not be rude it was Y/N’s idea.” You beamed at Steve as he walked back towards the group, the music beginning to grow louder again. “You can be Captain Y/N. It’s not like you’re going to win anyway.” Amusement danced in his eyes while your face fell slack. “Sorry sweetheart. No hard feelings?”

“You’re going to eat those words Rogers, and I’ll be holding the fork when you do.” You growled, anger setting your adrenaline on fire as he gave you a playful wink.

“Promise?”

“Would you two please quit with the foreplay and get back to the game? Geesh. Save it for the bedroom.” Sam pushed you aside, heading back into the fray as the sounds of lasers and yelling became the background vocals to the room shaking music. You smirked at the tall blonde as the room began to darken, you using it to your advantage and running your hand up his left arm. You could hear him take in a sharp breath, closing his eyes while you lightly traced his muscles with your fingertips. You let your hand cruise up to his shoulder, giving it a light squeeze before letting it graze along his back muscles, watching them tense under your touch.

“May the odds be ever in your favor, Captain.” You whispered hotly at him, rushing to duck into a small tunnel when he whipped around to grab at you. Covering your mouth you went back into stealth mode, managing to score a couple times by shooting Sam and Thor without them figuring out where you were. It wasn’t that you were a terrible shot, you just hated shooting without concentrating. You couldn’t fire on a whim, not that there was anything wrong with that. Just made laser tag very difficult.

“On your six L/N.” Your head snapped as Tony’s voice rang into the comms link, you narrowly avoiding a shot from Pepper and retaliating with a shot of your own, nailing her in the shoulder. “Sorry honey. I love you.” The female Stark only responded by flipping off the nearest camera, plunging back into the darkness.

“No interference Stark.” You squinted to see Nat’s figure coming into view, chuckling at how seriously she was taking this. “Time for some payback Y/N.” You didn’t have time to react as the redhead knocked your gun out of your hand, pulling up her own to take a shot at you. “Any last words?”

Smirking you brought your chin up to glare at her defiantly, looking above you. “Just one. Barton.” Moving within an instant you moved her gun out of the way in time for Clint to shoot her from the top part of the arena. Giving him an air high-five you ran the opposite direction, laughing the whole way. You could hear Nat screaming obscenities to Clint without using her earpiece. I owe you one Barton.

~~~Sometime later~~~

“Alright guys, your scores are nearly tied, you can still pull this win out Y/N. Just focus. And don’t get shot.” You rolled your eyes as Tony continued his commentary, the game getting to you and wearing you down. You couldn’t help but feel like your head was in a fog for some reason, your movements becoming slower. Trying to shake it off, you continued to hide in your safe space, listening to the others still battling it out.

“You gonna come out of your ivory tower up there Barnes and face me like a man or are you too chicken shit?” Your pulse began to pick up at the sound of Steve’s gravelly taunt on your comms link, you bringing a hand up to fan yourself. Jesus this man was going to be the death of you. Was it hot in here or was it just your gorgeous boyfriend? His “take charge” tone always did wonderful things for you physically, but you were honest to god glad this wasn’t directed your way. You’d surely turn into a puddle if it had been.

“Rogers you are only saying that to impress Y/N. We both know I’d kick your ass six ways from Sunday.” Bucky scoffed, “But if you insist on embarrassing your girl, then I will be happy to oblige.” Noticing movement above you, silently you began to scope out the best viewing point for the show that was about to go down.

“I’m calling a personal truce, just so I can watch this.” Sam said, placing his laser gun to his side, everyone else of both teams following suit. That didn’t include you. You kept to the right, staying hidden and watching from afar. Steve and Bucky met in the middle of the ground floor, only a few barrels and a half wall separating them. Steve had this look in his eyes that made you go a little weak in the knees. He looked so determined, jaw tight to match Bucky’s calculating stare. That’s the guy you were dating. And you couldn’t root for him right now.

“Let’s dance Stevie.” Bucky called before rushing forward, diving over a barrel and taking a well aim shot at Rogers. The blonde ducked to dodge the shot, and did so, but barely. He took to running to take cover behind the half wall, the one that was currently in front of where you were crouching. You took this moment to admire his amazing backside, thanking the big guy upstairs that for the last month you got to go home to that fine specimen. God bless America’s Ass.

“What’s the time left Tony?” You whispered into your ear piece, trying not to reveal your prime location of perverted real estate.

“Fifteen seconds. Both of your teams are tied. Someone needs to shoot someone already.” Tony complained, tired of watching the two men dodge shots and miss their own.

“No problem.” Was all you said, stepping out of the shadows and aiming your weapon carefully. Taking no time you pulled the trigger, nailing Sam, Nat, and Thor within seconds. Pepper was out of your range so you settled on your beloved blonde boyfriend, watching as he turned around as the clock counted down.

“Sorry sweetheart. No hard feelings?” Pulling the trigger you watched as he failed to move in time and the beam of green light hit him in the chest. The alarm sounding the end of the game was muted to you from your heart thumping in your ears. Not sparing Steve a second glance you walked confidently out of the arena, your team cheering for you. Tony clapped you into a one armed hug when you reached the main lobby, already having helped himself to some pizza and beer.

“That was incredible Y/N! That’s how you play laser tag! I’m sorry I doubted you.” Bucky congratulated you, your other teammates chanting your name. Taking a bow you laughed as a very sad Steve entered your line of sight, pouting and holding his chest like he had actually been shot.

“Come on it’s just a game sweetheart. I would never actually shoot you.” You cooed, but it came out a bit raspy.

“You alright Y/N?” His demeanor changed at an instant, taking in your slightly labored breathing with a worried glance.

“I’m…I’m fine Steve.” You coughed out. “Just different air than in the arena.”

“Don’t be getting sick on me.” He chided, you waving him off and going to load up a paper plate with breadsticks and stuffed crust pizza.

~~~Two Days Later~~~

“Gentlemen, seriously. I’m fine.” You got out in between sneezes, looking around your bed to find Earth’s Mightiest Heroes staring at you. “Doc says it’s just the flu. It’ll be over in a few days.”

“Then we shall help you recover!” Thor shouted, you wincing as the god of thunder took off out of Steve’s room. You had stayed over after your victory, waking up at two a.m with a fever and the shakes. Of course your boyfriend was nothing short of amazing, bringing Doctor Hooper to check on you. He got you whatever you needed after Hooper diagnosed you. Word had spread quickly that you had fallen ill and now you had to deal with these men all over again.

“Do you need your pillows fluffed?” Bucky asked, Sam running into the room like his ass was on fire.

“Does your grams chicken noodle soup recipe say two carrots?” You held up a weak two fingers.

“I picked you up the cherry medicine, I hope it tastes better than the foul purple liquid did.” Thor returned, handing you the small shot glass of medicine which you downed instantly.

“I brought fresh, cold water.” Tony chimed in, placing the bottles on the table. Your heart swelled with appreciation as Steve stood at your side, smiling down at you. You sighed as his hand brushed through your hair lightly.

“I’m not leaving you. I promise Y/N.” His voice was soft, filled with tenderness as you recalled saying those same words to the super soldier when he was sick.

“Thanks Steve. I don’t deserve you. Any of you.” You corrected yourself, the men around you smiling before breaking apart to help make you more comfortable.

“Just don’t ask us to make sure you don’t die in the shower Y/N. That’s officially Roger’s job.” Sam chuckled, walking back out of the room to check on the soup.

“Damn right it is.” Steve whispered, dropping down to kiss your forehead while you started to drift off. There were perks to being sick after all.

The End

Tag list: @kaytizzle @cuffski @giggleberts

[rosegoldquintis]

Bookstores & Cigarettes

Paring: Calum Hood x Reader

Warnings: Cheating, smoking, alcohol, break up, swearing, self doubt  mentions of sex? shity writing, attempted angst

Word count: 3k?????

A/N: This is the longest fick I’ve ever written and idk how I feel about that! But I am kinda proud of this so let me know what you think!

Also, I was planning on posting this on my birthday which is on Tuesday so you got this a couple of days in advance:D 

She brought the cigarette up to her lips wondering how she ended up here. She usually never went to bars or parties but tonight seemed to be appropriate to drink yourself into oblivion.

When she first met Calum she was on cloud nine but then everything changed once she saw him she cheating on her in her own bedroom.

She had been seeing Calum for almost 6 months when it happened.

She was on her way home from work after 12 hour shift. Everything that day had gone surprisingly good, but as soon as she started to approach her apartment complex she started to get a weird feeling in her stomach. Right as she put the key in the lock and turned it something that feeling in her stomach turned into small stabbing pains.

When she stepped into the apartment everything was quiet, the lights were off even though it was nearly 10 PM on a Thursday night. She went up to her bedroom because she just wanted to go to bed immediately, she had to work the early shift the next morning.

As she got closer to her bedroom she could hear quiet female moans. She thought she was imagining it since she lived alone and the only person who had a key to her apartment was Calum. She had given him a key in case of emergencies.

When she opened her bedroom she saw tell him on top of a girl and they were making out in her bed. She didn’t say anything she just stayed frozen in the doorway, not knowing whether she should scream, cry or throw something at the pair.

So she did the only thing that her body allowed her to do. She dropped the bag she was holding which made the pair break apart, she could see how something changed in his eyes, the went from lust, to fear.

She turned in the doorway, made a beeline for the living room where she had placed her phone and keys just moments before, she then walked right out of the apartment, got into her car and drove off in the middle of the night.

That’s how she ended up in a bar, smoking her boyfriends cigarettes at 11PM on a Thursday night. She had two people come up to her that night, the first was the bartender who asked what she wanted to drink or if she was fine,

“Give me the strongest you have” She said “Because tonight I’m drinking myself into a oblivion.” She mumbled once the guy turned his back to her. The bartender turned back around and poured her a drink. She didn’t remember putting the glass to her lips or anything after that. But somehow she remembered the second person that came up to her that night. It was a woman, a few years older than herself.

“Are you okay?” She asked as she looked Y/N up and down. “Do you want me to call you a taxi?”

“I’m fine.” She mumbled as she stood up, she remember nearly falling over the woman but regaining her balance just in time.

She started to make her way out from the pub. She tried to figure out which way to go but it didn’t go as good as she had hoped. She didn’t remember picking up her phone, calling someone nor does she remember being picked up and falling asleep in someone else’s bed that night.

The next morning she woke up in all-too-familiar sheets and in an all-too-familiar room. She sat up too quickly which made her see stars, she closed her eyes and tried to focus. She was still dressed in the same clothes as she had on last night, she stood up from the bed. She went over to the door so she could pick up her shoes which were neatly placed beside a pair of black vans. Y/N carefully opened the door and as soon as she did she bumped into the person she least wanted to see, Calum.

“I’m sorry.” He said “I didn’t mean for this to happen, I was drunk.”

“That’s always the excuse.” she mumbled “You where drunk, someone else was drunk.” Tears started to roll down her cheeks as she looked at Calum.

“But the truth is, it’s never anyone's fault.” Calum looked down at the wooden floor, he didn’t know what to say or how to act. He knew he fucked up big time and there was no second chances.

“I’m sorry honey.” He said “I truly am, this wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“Will you just shut up already Calum.” She ran her fingers through her hair. “You’re the one who ruined this relationship and it’s always gonna be your fault no matter how much you try to fix it.” She said, she was angry. She couldn’t understand how someone who’s been cheated on could do that to another person.

“Are you ok?” He suddenly asked, he had looked Y/N up and down. Her eyes were red and puffy, her clothes had become a mess after she had slept in them and her hair was no longer in a bun on her head.

“What kind of question is that?” She hissed at him

“Do I look okay?” She motioned pointed at her red eyes. “Can you just fuck off?” She spat.

She started to walk towards the door and as she passed though the living room she was met with three familiar faces, Ashton, Luke and Michael. As soon as she saw them she froze. She could tell that they were there so they could try and convince her to forgive their best friend, except she couldn’t forgive him for cheating. Before they started to date they had been good friends and she had nearly giving her cheating ex a second chance but Calum had been the one that told her not to. He told her that people don’t change, no matter how much you want them too, so she didn’t see a reason to give him a second chance because after all, people don’t change, right?

It had been exactly one week and four days since she found her boyfriend cheating on her. Right now it was a 2:45AM and she was sitting out on her balcony, looking out over Los Angeles. She hadn’t slept in her bed yet, she couldn’t bring herself to remove the sheets or even touched the bed. Y/N had been sleeping on her couch, she had also moved most of her things to her guestroom, sure it was smaller than her room but she felt sick whenever she was in the room.

At first time moved so slow, she counted every tear that fell and she could feel herself slipping away. Then time moved so fast, she had gone to sit on her balcony at 10pm. She had gotten herself some food and was listening to some music, but before she knew it, it was 6AM and the sun was starting to rise.

She had been calling in sick to work for the past week because she couldn’t sleep at night. Y/N worked at a small bookstore in the middle of LA, she had never missed a day at work so after a week she had forced herself to go to work.

At around 9AM she arrived the the store, she unlocked the door and walked inside.

Her first day had been such a good day, there had been people coming in and buying book and talking to her as if they had know each other for forever. Once her lunch break came around she told her boss that she was going to run across the street to buy some lunch.

“Do you want anything?” She asked her boss, Kristine.

“I’m good.” She smiled as she helped the next customer.

As she opened the door to the cafe she saw a familiar head of beautiful curls, but she pretended that she hadn’t. The cashier took her order and she then waited for her food to be prepared. When the cashier called out her name Calum looked up from his phone, she could feel his eyes on her back as she walked out of the shop. She was just about to dig into her food when a colleague came into the breakroom.

“There’s a guys out front asking for you.” She seemed confused “He doesn't want our help.” The woman walked out of the breakroom and as she did Y/N let out a frustrated sigh. When she came into the store she locked eyes with the person she hadn’t seen for almost two weeks and she could feel the tears form in her eyes.

“What do you want?” She asked

“I wanted to see how your were doing?” He said as if he hadn’t done anything wrong. “How do you think I’m doing?” she asked frustrated

“I haven’t been able to sleep in my own room for two weeks and you think I’m doing fine?” “I don’t think you’re doing fine.” He said casually “I know I’m not.” Y/N looked at him. “Calum you were the one who told me that I shouldn’t give people second chances because people never change.”

“Well you shouldn’t always listen to me.” He said “Because if you hadn’t noticed, I can be quite stupid.”

“What are you trying to achieve here Calum?” She asked “Because I am not going to forgive you and I’m not going to get back together with you.” He ran a hand though his curly hair and sighed

“I was just hoping we could at least be friends.” She looked at him like he punched a puppy, he cleared his throat. “Because we were friends before we even dated, don’t forget that.” He said.

“I don’t want to see you Calum.” She said deflated. “You broke my heart, I wish I could avoid seeing you but your face is everywhere!” She felt like yelling but she couldn’t.

“If I invited you to a party.” He said “Would you show up?” He asked.

She didn’t try to talk to him anymore because this conversation wasn’t going anywhere, she just shrugged her shoulders and went back into the breakroom. Her appetite had almost disappeared but she forced herself to eat the food so she would have the strength to work for another 6 hours.

The following Friday she got a text message that read ‘Party at Ashton‘s place at 9 PM.’ She threw her phone onto the sofa and she laid her head down and suddenly there were tears rolling down her cheeks.

She didn’t plan to go to party at first but then she remembered that there would probably be free alcohol there, so she figured that getting drunk wouldn't hurt. Once she reached the house she could see that the hour was filled with people and she knew none of them. If she had been with Calum he would know everyone. She walked into the house and bumped right into Ashton, who clearly was the only sober person in the house. He want to hug her but she took a step back and shook her head, his smile dropped and he stepped to the side so she could walk past him.

She walked into the kitchen, took a beer and sat on the kitchen counter. After three hours of small talking with different drunk people two people stumbled into the kitchen, giggling at each other and talking among themselves. It was Calum and the girl from that night, his arm fell from the girls shoulder and the girl whined in protest. She hopped off the counter and as she was leaving the kitchen she purposely bumped into Calum and she walked right out of the door.

During the next week he tried to call, her text her and he even went to the bookstore again but this time she had no intention in talking to him so she told her boss that he had to leave or she would, that night she cried for 3 hours. She felt like giving up but that wasn’t her, she wasn’t going to give up because she was cheated on for the second time in the course of eight months. She didn’t know what to do, most of her friends had been friends with Calum so she couldn’t talk to them about it because it felt like hanging out Calum.

Nearly a month after being cheated on she was feeling better, she didn’t cry as often and she had just recently changed the bedsheets in her bed and moved back into her room. She had blocked Calum almost everywhere and apparently he was now dating the girl that Y/N had seen in her bed and at the party, her name was Agnes. After a while of stalking her instagram Y/N could see why he would chose Anges over her, she was so much prettier. Y/N found herself falling back into the same routines day after day, she didn’t really know what to do so one day she just decided that she should take an opportunity that had fallen into her lap a few days before she broke up with Calum. She had been asked if she wanted to write a book, it didn’t matter what kind but Y/N knew just what she wanted to write. She was going to write something that would help her heal and feel better.

Another week passed by and she had now quit her job at the bookstore and Calum had announced to the world that he was dating Agnes. He never told the world about Y/N, and they had been seeing each other for 6 months.

It was friday night and she was packing her clothes, since most of her friends stopped talking to her once Calum announced her relationship she was left to her own devices. She was listening to music and drinking some wine when the doorbell rang, it was nearly 9PM so she stood up from her sofa and when to open the door. When she opened the door she came face to face with none other than Calum Hood.

“Hi?” She said, Calum looked up at her in surprise, clearly shocked that she opened the door. He opened his mouth but closed it again, not not knowing what to say.

“Uh, hi.” He said, he then proceeded to ask if he could come in, Y/N didn’t say anything, she just stepped to the side and let him walk into her small messy apartment for the first time in nearly two months.

“Going somewhere?” He asked, she looked down at her feet and said,

“Uh, yeah I am.” She cleared her throat. “Well, technically I’m moving.”

“Oh.” He seemed surprised by her answers.”Can I ask where?” He asked

“To New York City.” She said, Calum’s head snapped back at the woman, he had known this girl for so long and she wasn’t the type that would just up and leave in the dead of night. Especially when she had a stable job and family in LA.

“Why are you moving?” He asked. “I thought you liked it here?”

“Well I don’t really have anything that’s keeping me here so I figured why not.” She grabbed her glass of wine and took a sip. “And since my publisher is located in New York I thought it would be best if I move there.” She smiled.

“Wait what? What publisher?” He said.

“I was going to tell you.” She said. “But then I found you in my bed.” She almost mumbled the last part but Calum was used to her mumbling so he heard her anyway.

“Oh.” Was all he managed to say, it almost sounded like had forgotten about that part. “So you would just have dropped everything and moved to New York?”

“Well if we would have stayed together I would have stayed her and just fly out to New York now and then.” Calum opened his mouth and Y/N could see that he wanted to argue back.

I think you should leave now Calum.” She said, he had been in her apartment for nearly an hour and she still had so much to do.

“Well I don’t want to leave.” He said “I want to know why you been ignoring me for a month and a half.”

“Why do you think I’ve been ignoring you?” She asked.

“HOW SHOULD I KNOW? YOU BLOCKED MY NUMBER Y/N!” He was now yelling at her and she was not having it!

“I don’t want to talk to you anymore Calum, can you please just leave?” She could feel the anger crawling up her back and she didn’t want to scream at him and she didn’t know what to say or do.

“NO, I will not leave until you fucking explain!” She could feel tears forming in her eyes. “Please just leave.” She said deflated, she walked up to Calum, she put a finger to his chest and said

“If you don’t leave my apartment now Calum, I will call the guard because I don’t want you here.” He could see the tears that now where rolling down her cheeks and he didn’t know why she was so upset.

During their dating period they hadn’t said I love you and since Calum had lost all his faith in love.

“It’s not like we loved each other.” He spat at her as he looked down at her.

“What do you mean?” She said as her voice broke, she had been in love with him since the start.

“Yeah, we didn’t love each other.” He said. “We never once said, I love you.”

“Well I loved you Calum, I loved you with my whole heart and you broke that into a million pieces.” She said, more tears were streaming down her face and she didn’t know what to do.

“If you ask me out relationship was doomed from the beginning.” He said, not affected by her tears.

“Fuck you Calum.” As she said this she pushed him towards the door, without saying anything he walked out the door, slamming it behind him. She fell into the door and slid down to the ground, when her knees met the ground sobs took over her body. She finally let her emotions free and after god knows how long she let herself fall into an empty darkness.

Tagging some cool people and mutuals

@glitterprincelu @futurewriter2000 @talkfastwalkfaster @geekygoddesss @anashtonkink @c-sainthood @astroashtonio @softforcal @irwinkitten @fratcalum @lilbabycalum

[galadrieljones]

A Funeral: Chapter 9

Fandom: Red Dead Redemption 2 | Pairing: Arthur x Mary Beth | Rating: Mature

Content: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Touch-Starved, Humor, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Angst, Violence, Hurt/Comfort, Fake Marriage, Epiphanies, Backstory, Banter, Deep Emotions, Sharing a Bed, Swimming, Arthur to the Rescue, Forests, Abduction, Angst, Heavy Angst, Mutual Pining

Summary: To help her process Sean’s death, Mary Beth asks Arthur to take her on a hunting trip, somewhere far away. He agrees, and on their journey, they find quietude and take comfort in their easy bond. In their desperate search for meaning together, they endure a number of trials, some small, some big—all of which bring them closer to one another as well as to the future, and to the unchecked dangers of the natural world.

Thanks @bearly-tolerable for the lovely banner!! <3

For the rest of this story, you can visit the masterpost, linked directly in the menu at my blog, or find me at AO3 as galadrieljones. ^_^

Chapter 9: The Polar Bear

He had let her kiss him. She didn’t know. It took all her breath and made her very weak. She had thought about kissing him a million times. Who hadn’t? Living in a camp full of unwashed cowboys, always grimacing. Going into town where the men were either perfumed and entitled or stinking of pig shit to high hell. Arthur was the cute one, his fair hair flipping out behind his ears, kind blue eyes with the crinkles, always with a flower in his hat, writing while sitting under a tupelo tree, smoking, chewing a reed. Chopping firewood for the camp. He lit her cigarettes, popped the caps off her beer bottles, gave her his hand, danced with her at the parties. It is easy to want to kiss this kind of boy.

But actually kissing him was much different. He wasn’t a boy. He was a man, and tender, like he knew it. Mary Beth was still a little young, and she didn’t quite get it yet, but the thing about a good man is, as he gets older, he gets softer. He just loses that bluster, the immediacy, that thing that once let him think he knew everything, that which guarded him from the world’s trials and tribulations. As a good man ages, he has less to prove, less petty errands to hang onto in the way of his pride. Sure that pride is still there and it’s tiresome, and it’s heavy. It’s harder to lift. But it’s not angry anymore. It just is. The underbelly to all this is that, by the time a man reaches Arthur’s age, while he is still open to the possibility of the future, many of the old sad things from his life and his past have already cemented themselves into the faraway basements of his heart and soul. There is no starting over, not really. They will always be there.

But Mary Beth was sage to this, at least a little, even if she didn’t know it. If living in a camp full of angry, unwashed cowboys had taught her anything, it was how to choose the good men from the bad, the lovers from the fighters, the intelligent from the simple. There were the men who knew themselves as hard men and that was all, and then the men who struggled to parse the ironies of their rough and gruff exteriors from the softness of their own desires. As far as she could tell, the good men of their camp were easy to locate. Charles, Hosea, and Arthur. They were good men. She didn’t know about John yet. She thought he was trying. After Jack disappeared he seemed to change and to quiet into his ways, and he began listening to Arthur. Dutch was lost. She was worried about how lost he had become, and she rightly did not know what to think of him—if he was a good man, it might’ve been buried by now. Lenny was still a boy, as was Kieran, and Sean, too. Sean had died before getting this chance to actualize. The other men of the camp were not necessarily bad. It’s just that they were not what her intuitive heart would have counted as good.

Mary Beth had talked to Sadie about this once, back at Clemens Point, after she’d gone into Rhodes with Arthur and come back, newly dressed and having killed several men. Sadie said to Mary Beth, “Arthur is a good man.” She was shining up her gun, determined. “I couldn’t’ve seen it before, with my head so deep in my grief for Jakey, but now I do. It is a pity he has ended up here, in this waste bin of existence with Dutch and the boys. He deserves more than this. He don’t see me like they do, like a burden. He sees me for what I am and for what I want to be, and for that, I will always be thankful.”

At the time, Mary Beth didn’t think much of it. She was desperately intimidated by Mrs. Sadie Adler. But afterward, she noticed how Sadie and Arthur were friends. And so Mary Beth would chat with her by the morning fire and have coffee sometimes, and she learned that Sadie, while a little scary, was actually very thoughtful, and then Mary Beth began to think about what she had said more carefully. Arthur had opened up to Mary Beth about his fears and trials so many times in that past year especially, particularly after that whole mess in Blackwater, when it seemed the course of their lives had changed forever. She began reaching out to him when he seemed in need of guidance. She noticed he did not open up to very many of the men or women—that included Sadie. He was concerned with maintaining the morale of the camp, and he could not do this if he was showing signs of inner conflict. She sometimes witnessed him and Charles, smoking together by the water, talking something through. Charles was similarly soft beneath his hardness, and he was very kind and protective of the women and also of himself. He carved wonderful animals out of pieces of wood and would give them to little Jack. She wondered if Arthur could carve shapes out of wood. She thought it was something he probably could do but just kept it to himself, a secret.

Now, he was looking at her, but then his eyes were dropping, a little. He was going into a place of thought. He still had his hand in her hair, his thumb tracing the curve of her ear, almost absentminded. He licked his lips and swallowed and then he closed his eyes. She became nervous now. She worried she had broke their friendship, a sin for which she could never forgive herself. And yet, he had kissed her back. It was two-sided, she thought. She had not kissed a man like this maybe ever, in a way that made her want. Boys, sure. And even then, it had been some years. But kissing Arthur made her feel different somehow, responsible and real.

“Arthur?” she said in a little while.

He looked back up, his eyes very soft. He was very vulnerable. “Yes, Mary Beth.”

“What are you thinking?” she said.

He held her hands then, cupped them inside both of his, held them tight. It took him a moment, to gather his thoughts. He cleared his throat. “I am not thinking much, Mary Beth. My brain seems to be malfunctioning at the moment.”

She smiled, and he smiled. “What are you feeling?” she said. This was the better question.

He looked up at her, and he touched her ear again, like he kept going back to it, playing with the hair there, how it tucked behind. Every time he did this, she kind of felt all the nerves in her body zap into existence at the same time. But everything about him was very grounded and settled in that moment. He was neither ecstatic nor distressed. “Like I want you,” he said eventually, very calm and deep, looking at her, then looking down at her hands. “I want you, and it’s railroading me.”

“How so?”

“Because it’s drawing to the surface all these…old wounds,” he said. “It’s hard to talk about. And once again, I am not sure how I should proceed.” Then, it was like he had a thought, he looked up, curious. “What do you want, Mary Beth? What do you see?”

She smiled. Unlike him, she did not feel unsure of how to proceed. “I see you, Arthur,” she said, tucking the hair behind his ears. He seemed comforted by this. “I ain’t a complicated girl. I’m glad I came with you on this trip. I want you, too. You’re a good man.”

He sighed, like he was afraid that was the thing she’d say. He gathered her hands again into his, but he wasn’t looking at her. He was looking down at their hands together, touching. “I wish I could just…be the thing that you need,” he said, coming apart a little. They’d tipped over some ledge, accidentally. She could feel them going real fast. “Want and need. They’re so different. I really wish, Mary Beth.”

“What do you mean?” she said.

“I ain’t—you don’t wanna be with me,” he said. “I can hear it in your voice. You think it’s something good. You think I’m something else. But you don’t wanna be with me.” He was shaking his head, and then he looked up at her finally. “I promise. I shouldn’t’ve—I shouldn’t’ve kissed you tonight. It don’t matter what I want.”

“Why?” she said. “I don’t understand why what you want don’t matter.”

“Because I will fail,” he said, still looking down at their hands. He had opened up her palms. He was drawing little shapes in her palm with his thumb, even as he said these things. “I’m a wanted man, Mary Beth. I’ll fail. I can’t protect you.”

“All you’ve ever done is protect me,” she said. “And I’m wanted, too, by the way. In at least three locals west of the Mississippi.”

He smiled at this. “I know.”

“I’m just saying.”

“I know.”

“If you could have exactly what you want, right now, what would you choose, Arthur?” she said. She picked up his face so she could look right at him, right into him. “What would it be?”

He seemed confused by the question, like no one had ever asked him what he wanted before. “I don’t know,” he said.

“Yes you do,” she said. “Right now. In this very moment, at Hamish Sinclair’s house in the middle of a proper thunderstorm. The old man is snoring downstairs, and you’re sitting here with me up in this loft, and we just got done with that poem, and we just kissed. Pretend like there’s nothing else. Nothing in the way. Nothing waiting. What would it be?”

He seemed to freeze. So did the whole world. It was very strange, like time casting inward and stopping all of a sudden, everything but the storm. The thunder picked up outside. The rain seemed to be getting stronger, too. You could hear the wind howling through the chimney. For a second she thought a tornado might rip right through the cabin, take them all away into the sky. She had not seen a tornado since her youth in Kansas. But she remembered that they were full of wrath and magnificent.

“Arthur?”

“Yes.”

“Did you hear me?”

“Yes.”

“What’ll it be.”

He shook his head, very subtle, like he was dumbfounded. He placed both of his palms on her neck, held her gently behind her ears, searching with his eyes. “I still want you, Mary Beth. I ain’t lying. That ain't what this is.”

“Then take me,” she said, palming his cheeks again, very serious, drawing him. “Take me, Arthur. I want you to."

He blinked rapidly, shook out his head a little. “I can't,” he said.

“Why not?” she said.

He was incredulous. “Because I’ve made mistakes. In the past. Mistakes with women that I could not fix or rectify. I’ve hurt every woman who’s come into my life with my inability to be who she needed me to be. I won’t do that to you, too. I won’t get you pregnant and leave you to suffer my indecency alone. I won’t. I just won’t.”

She felt herself becoming frustrated now, with this. “But I know you,” she said, shaking her head. “You would never do that.”

“I have done that.”

“It ain’t the same. You told me yourself. That was more than ten years ago, and even still it wasn't like that. You know it. And I don’t need you to change, not unless you want to change. That’s not what this is about.”

“That’s always what it’s about, Mary Beth.”

“Well, I want to be with you,” she said, very matter of fact.

“No, you don’t,” he said.

“Don’t tell me what I want, Arthur Morgan. I ain't no child.”

His jaw firmed up. He nodded, resigned, looking like he’d been kicked in the stomach. “I’m sorry. I know.”

She withdrew her hands, hid them in her lap. He seemed to get the message. They weren’t touching anymore. She looked away. She felt like she might cry. Not for his rejection specifically, but because of all this stuff he was saying. She was lost for her words and didn’t wanna argue him no more. The night was full of drama. It had happened very fast. She tried to remind herself of this as she stared down at the elegant stitching of Hamish Sinclair’s late wife’s nightgown, and how it touched her skin so delicately. She closed her eyes then and tried not to be mad at Arthur Morgan.

He sighed. He was shaking his head. “I just—” He stopped himself. “Godammit. I am rightly screwing this up. That ain’t what I want.”

She still wouldn't look at him. She shook her head. She would not cry.

“I’m so sorry,” he said. "Mary Beth. Look at me."

So she did, feeling stupid. She waited on him. She said nothing, her body going limp like a ribbon. He grazed her chin with his thumb, held her face, gentle. He looked so serious, almost full of regret.

“I ain't saying no to you, Mary Beth," he said.

"Then what are you saying?"

"This is very...serious for me," he went on. "I feel a damn fool, but the truth is, I ain’t given myself to no woman in many years. I ain’t even considered—that just ain’t what I do. I am trying to be decent. I am trying to be honorable. I know I'm saying all the wrong things. That seems to be what I do, invariably, but I do not want to hurt you, Mary Beth. That is the last thing I want."

She looked at him. He had so much inside, so much he was carrying around. She didn’t feel sorry for him. Why would she? She looked up to him and she remembered who he was and who she was. She sighed “I understand,” she said, real quiet. In some way, she knew he was right. Moving too fast—that wasn’t the answer to any of their predicaments. Still, it stung a little.

“Thank you,” he said, relieved. “But you don’t have to, Mary Beth. Understand, I mean. You can just say no.”

“Be quiet, Arthur,” she said. It startled him, but in a good way. “I know I can. But I can also wait a little. You don’t need to explain no more right now. It was a bad night. We can sleep on it."

"That sounds good," he said.

"But when you feel like it, remember I'm still your friend. I'm always here to listen. No matter what.”

He smiled at this, seeming crushed by her reassurance. “Let’s go to sleep,” he said.

“Okay,” she said.

She turned the lamp down, left it on just a little. She didn’t want the loft to be full dark. The rain was big and scary. She realized then she was still a little shook from the encounter on the bluff, and with the lights out it rushed to the surface. She kept hearing things. She curled toward him beneath the heavy linen covers. He pushed the hair off her face and smoothed it down the back of her head, and then he just held her, no questions, very strong. She was glad. It was an acknowledgement, no matter how subtle. He wasn’t pretending like they’d never kissed, or like his feelings weren’t real. And her nerves and everything calmed, and she felt his muscles calming around her, which told her that it was all okay. She closed her eyes sometime after he closed his. She fell asleep to his big, even breaths, making her feel safe from harm under the rain.

That night, Arthur had another dream. But it was different this time. Instead of being inside the polar bear, he was in the woods, and he was being hunted. He thought it was the polar bear, but he did not think a polar bear had such lengths of intelligence to hunt him with such a vision of perfection. Everywhere he went to hide, either the ground was sinking underneath him, or the sky was trying to suck him into its endless void. He knew nothing of his life other the fact the was trying to get back to somebody. Somebody was waiting for him. That was all. And it was a gnawing anxiety that made his stomach hurt, and his body burn. Where the hell was he?

He woke up with a start. He sat straight up. He looked around. Mary Beth was asleep beside him, hard asleep, breathing deeply. He looked at her and  then he dropped his face into his hands, because he very much wanted to touch her, just her hair again, put it off her cheeks, go back to holding her like it was all fine. She slept so peacefully. He rubbed his eyes with vigor. His heart was still beating hard. He tried to get up but bumped his head on the ceiling which jerked him out of his half-sleeping confusion and set him right. He swore under his breath and scrubbed the place on his skull where he’d bumped it on the hard wood. Outside, it was still raining, he could hear. But it was calm. The storm had past, and now it was just showers, just water falling from the sky in a steady flow. He exhaled and decided he was thirsty. He climbed past Mary Beth and down the ladder to the kitchen. He turned up the lamp a little bit on the kitchen table, but the hearth was good light down here. He poured a bit of water from a pitcher on the counter into one of the tin mugs Mary Beth had washed in the basin. He sat down at the table and drank the whole cup of water. Then he poured another cup of water, took a long drink and nursed the rest. His face was hanging in his palm. He felt very old, very tired. He was thinking about the dream, about her. His mind was like bees buzzing. His head hurt.

There was stirring then, from behind Hamish’s curtain. Arthur looked up. Hamish himself came out, rubbing his own eyes, hobbling against a sturdy cane. He made eye contact with Arthur and then gave him a canny look, like he was unsurprised. He pushed over to the table, hauled out one of the chairs, and sat down. Then, he gestured toward the basin and let the cane lean against the table top. “Would you grab me one of them mugs?” he said. “I’m properly parched this fine evening.”

“Sure,” said Arthur. He reached without standing, picked up one of the tin mugs off the counter and then set it in front of Hamish.

Hamish poured it full of water, took a drink. Then he sighed and squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. “Goddam liquor,” he said.

“I know the feeling,” said Arthur.

“Sounds like the storm’s letting up,” said Hamish, looking up at the ceiling now. “Good news.”

“Yes it is.”

Hamish drank, scrubbed at his beard. Then he gave Arthur a long look, prying into him a little. “Trouble sleeping?” he said. “I hope the loft ain’t too uncomfortable. I ain’t been up there but to dust in some years.”

“The loft is fine,” said Arthur.

“What’s on your mind?”

Arthur sighed, holding his mug with two hands. “Mary Beth,” he said. He took a drink.

“What’s the problem?”

“She’s—” Arthur hesitated, glanced up to the loft. There was no disturbance. “She’s got some...expectations for me. Took me on a run for my money tonight. I’m used to expectations. But not like hers.”

“What sorts of expectations are you used to?” said Hamish.

“The stressful kind,” said Arthur, smiling in spite of himself. “Do this, do that. And mostly just—to be something I’m not. If that makes sense.”

“Oh, it does.”

“Only I don’t know that I knew too much about what I was before these last few months, and now this hunting trip, with her,” Arthur continued. “It's confusing. Now, I just—she’s up there. Asleep. We’s on uncertain terms. I ain’t seeing things too clear, Hamish. I fear that I am ruining everything.”

Hamish straightened up in his chair, flung one of his arms around the back and sort of hung there. He was thinking something over deep. He drank and set his cup down and continued to scrub at his beard thoughtfully. “What does Mary Beth expect of you?” he said. “Why are her expectations so different?”

“Because,” said Arthur. “She expects me to be…me, I guess. Or something like that. I never had no problems opening up to her. But opening up to myself, that is a whole new journey of indecision. I ain’t—I ain’t loved a woman in a long time. Last time I did, it didn’t work out. Her daddy hated me. Called me a thief, and I am a thief, but he was a whoring, drinking son of a bitch. Gambled away their money, their safety. He called me a thief.” Arthur laughed to himself. “Anyway, she loved me. I loved her. But it was always—she wanted me to change. And maybe I want to change. Maybe so. But the terms she provided, they were impossible. And we fell apart. I left. She married another man. Anyway. What I’m saying is, Mary Beth ain’t like that. She’s a thief, too, if you can believe it. Sweetest outlaw in the west. Only of course, that don’t matter. It don’t matter what she is. She just…is.” He took a deep breath. “I’m lost,” he said. “I don’t know how to be me, for her. Is there anything gotdam stupider than that? A man who don’t know who he is, who only knows how to be put upon by the things he most certainly is not.” He finished his water. He set down the cup and folded his hands on the table.

Hamish had been listening very closely. He was nodding the whole time, and he was still nodding now, taking it all in. He spoke slow now, and with great decision in his voice. “It sounds like you’ve had some difficult times,” he said, “with women.”

“Yes. I have,” he said. “I keep—failing to be the thing they need me to be. They want me. I’m strong. I’m brave. I know my way around a gun. Around the wilderness. But what they need—I can’t provide.”

“What does Mary Beth need?” said Hamish.

Arthur thought on this. He looked down at his knuckles as he so often did because they were complex weavings of past bloodshed. He thought. He thought some more. He had not thought of this. “I don’t know,” he said.

“Well, it sounds like she just needs you,” said Hamish. “Like she needs you to be…whoever you are, or whoever you want to be. You know that ain't unusual, right? You know that’s what love is. It’s needing a person for who they are. Not for what they can do for you, or for how they look, or what material life and provisions they can provide. She followed you here. It sounds like she’s followed you for a while now. Has she ever complained about the life you’ve given her?”

“No,” said Arthur, decisive. “Never.”

“Then what’s the problem?” said Hamish.

Arthur felt his throat tightening, his face feeling hot. “I don’t know.”

“Well, I do,” said Hamish.

“Then what is it?”

“The problem is, there ain’t no problem. For once, there ain’t no problem, and you’re used to solving problems, I reckon, and so now you don’t know what to do. You’re…lost.” He finished his water, poured another cup. “Let me tell you something, Mr. Morgan. If fighting in that god forsaken war taught me anything, it’s that life is short, and it’s mean. It’s ugly business. And if you find someone who you like spending your time with, and who likes spending their time with you, you ought to keep them as close as possible, for as long as possible. It’s the only thing makes life worth living. It don’t matter who they are, what they done. My wife died, and now I am alone, but I am not afraid, because I found someone I truly needed, and I knew it, and I kept her as close as possible for as long as possible. The last thing you want, Mr. Morgan, is to wake up one day, open your door, and find you’ve aged twenty years, and to look around and see no one dear to you. Because then it’s just the long, ugly earth, opening up. One day it’ll swallow you. That part is inevitable. Will you go down knowing you found the thing that you want, that you need most in life, and you held onto it with pride? Or will you go down in regret.” He lit a cigarette from his front pocket. Then, he slid one across the table to Arthur, set down a single match, and smoked. “Those are your only options, Mr. Morgan,” he said, very sure of himself. “Which will you choose?”