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tteokdoroki · 10 months

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✩࿐ TRACK 04: UNDERSTAND. shoto todoroki (1K)

about. until he met you, shoto todoroki wasn’t really sure what being loved felt like. now that he knows, he’s sure that he wants love with you - for the all his days.

warnings. minors, blank and ageless blogs do not interact!, sfw, fluff, happy ending, established relationship, sunday snuggles, proposals, afab!reader, pro hero!todoroki.

things to note. eee i was meant to post shoto’s last saturday but i got rlly busy! i hope you enjoy the double update today, sero later <3 - masterlist / series masterlist / series playlist ✩

todoroki never knew what love truly felt like.

to be held like tomorrow has not been promised is something he hardly remembers from his childhood — sometimes if he closes his eyes and tries hard enough, he can catch whiffs of his mother’s shampoo and the feeling of her cashmere sweater against his chubby cheeks.

but it’s always fleeting, never fully present. never really telling of what love feels like.

you were the one who taught shoto that love shouldn’t be something that he has to try and grasp for. that it should be unconditional, that it’s an experience that he deserves.

the half and half hero never thought that he would find someone who cares as much for him as you do — even from the very moment you met. you chose to befriend him despite how callous and cold his exterior was at the time. willingly, you spent years chipping away at the cool layer of frost that prickled on the surface of todoroki’s skin like a sculpture working with the perfect block of ice, desperate to see the real him. not the mould his father had carved him out to be.

you did not seek to change todoroki, to shape him into something new — you simply wanted to see the real him, the warmth in him you knew already existed. it just needed a little coaxing out. you’d told him that on night, your hand sifting through soft peppermint swirl hair. moving as if you couldn’t feel shoto’s heavy heterochromatic gaze on you.

“i like you the way you are, not the way you think you ought to be.”

shoto’s heart had flipped at your confession — like it had done so many times over the years. but being raised in a place where love was replaced by fear, he’d no idea that he was slowly, albeit, surely falling in love with you. oftentimes, you would remind shoto that you found his obliviousness to your feelings for him endearing and adorable. your romance was somewhat of a slow burner, melting like a frozen over fireplace during the winter season. where lingering touches were over analysed and where your cheeks burned hot whenever you stared at one another for too long.

reciprocating your feelings had been a learning curve for the half hot, half cold hero but he had learned from his friends that there is a point to trying (if watching kaminari and his endless attempts at bagging his girlfriend from high school to present day wasn’t motivation enough, todoroki isn’t sure what is). after a patrol through the bustling city some years back, early on into his career as a pro — shoto had held your hands close to his chest, warming you up through the sleet and snow and asked.

“maybe we could try, if you let me?”

he’d not expected you to understand his simple words or burst into tears, nor to say yes and leap up to his height for a delicate chaste kiss. “it’s about damn time, shoto.” you’d replied, beaming so bright he was sure to see galaxies.

he had no idea that the one person he would want to be with for all his life was so close to him, nestled between the milestones and the memories. but now that todoroki has you — he can’t see himself spending a single second away from you. and you, the same with him.

today is no different to how it’s always been since dating todoroki. you lie in his sheets, your bare limbs intertwined and your fingers locked as if you’re never going to let go. todoroki, though lost in his thoughts, worries that you might be able to hear the rapid thump of his heart hitting the inside of his rib cage. if you do notice, you ignore it in favour of drawing shapes along the ridge form of shoto’s naked body, listening out for the sound of his breathing.

he’s scared, truth be told. he worries that despite all this time together — being accustomed to one another’s quips and squicks, that you might leave or abandon him. love is freighting, even if it is supposed to be unconditional. “darling,” the man coos gently, brushing a knuckle over the apple of your cheek.

“hmm?” you sound so dreamy and relaxed, curled up with him like this — you don’t have a care in the world, completely unaware that you make up shoto’s entire world. “yes, my love?”

the wisps of a smile catch on the corners of his mouth, dragging them upwards at the sight of you nuzzling into his warm palm. “i have a question to ask,” todoroki lets out a shaky exhale and shifts to sit against the headboard with you still tucked into his side. he watches as you glance up at him through long lashes, worry dancing amongst the flecks in your eyes.

you nod and take his hand to reassure him that you’re listening.

he decides then, that you’re worth the risk.

“this may seem spontaneous,” todoroki starts slowly, making sure to keep his voice even as though not to spook you. as if you’re a deer in the woods and he’s a hunter on the prowl. “i can assure you that it’s not. i’ve thought about this more times than you could count, but first. you’re aware that i love you. right?” the press of your lips against his sensitive collarbones is enough for todoroki to assume that your answer is yes — he appreciates you giving him the space to talk too. “not a moment of my time goes by where i’m not longing for you, even when you’re right here next to me.”

shoto takes a moment to pause, pushing the question he wants to ask around on his tongue — he wonders how to frame it, how you’ll take it but with one look into your gleaming pretty eyes (he should have known you would get teary from his speech), he knows exactly what to say. “you’ve…shown me a lot of things, a love that shouldn’t be granted. a life that i deserved to lead and so,” he grasps at your fingers with his colder hand, giving them a gentle squeeze before thumbing over your ring finger. “i think it’s about time that i asked you to be mine.”

he wants you, forever and always. for all of his days — if you’ll stay, that is.

drawing your body up so that you can kneel before him, you squeeze todoroki’s hand back and bring it up towards your lips to press a chaste kiss to the back of it. “sho,” you sigh, the words warmly coasting over his cool skin contrastingly. “are you—?”

“i’m asking you to marry me. that’s if you’ll have me, darling.” the hero feels a little shy at how tenderly you treat him, a rose coloured blush blooming on his milky skin at his cheeks and the tops of his ears.

“i’ll have you in every single lifetime,” you say urgently, throwing your arms around todoroki’s broad, shoulders in a tight hug. “i can promise you that.”

like always, you take todoroki’s hand and he lets you lead him down the path — changing his future, soothing his past. because of course, you’re the only one who truly understands.

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novalizinpeace · 4 months

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Okay, i had this analysis in my notes for a loooooooooooong time, and idk if anyone had take a look in this aspect of Poppy Playtime/the Biggers Bodies Initiative, but is something that REALLY make me raise a eyebrow when working in the VHS for the critters.

So, let's talk about the confuse and inexplicable choices in Play.Co while creating the BBI

First of all, let leave it clear WHY they started this project.

Everywhere it said that they start it for two reasons: The first one, Ludwig's wish to revive her daughter/relative (something that worked i guess, since we have Poppy), and second reason, the one that the company care most, to reduce cost in employees with creatures that would take orders without asking questions (yay, no healthcare for the experiments!), since Play.Co was having a huge financial crisis at said moment (Again, due Ludwig draining all the money into the poppy investigations and the creation of playcare).

Okay, till then everything's right, the project started and the prototype and Poppy were created, for this analysis, let said the prototype is just like a humanoid/android amalgam, something they created to see if it was possible to bring someone to life, so they didn't care a lot about looks. Okay, good...

Then we got Boxy Boo

WHY IN THE LIVING HELLSITE WOULD YOU GIVE HIM TEETH AND CLAWS?!?!

''Oh his cartoon counterpart have it'' No, Cartoon Boxy had ONE little pointy tooth, and tiny claws, nothing this extreme.

''His purpose was to dispose any lower-ended employees aware about the Initiative.'' okay, right, first of all, gross, second of all, what they would do with him once there's no employees? 'Cause the plan was to not have more humans working in the factory at some point, this is basically the equivalent of adopting a lion to stop a mouse infestation, wasn't more easy to force everybody to give their resignation letter? Oh right, don't wanna loose those last paycheck, i see...

Okay well, such mistake with this fella, let see the next succesfull experiment-

WHY????

''His purpose was to function as part of the factory's security.'' No, no no no don't try to give me this bullshit, theres no need for the teeth, Huggy as a 8ft tall walking anomaly is enough to make any thief or tresspasser shit their pants if they saw him, the double set of pointy teeth in that big mouth of his is highly unnecessary, where they even got the teeth?!? Nor Children or human have teeth like that!!

Well, with this clear at least we can make a kind of timeline with the rest of the experiments before Catnap, 'cause we can see theres a change between teeth experiments and no teeth experiments like catnap or Mommy, maybe they learned that giving such weapon to the creatures they're trying to control isn't the most bright idea...

But still, said leasson didn't prevent them from creating the mini huggies, that remember, ARE ALSO REALLY AGRESSIVE!

And see, they weren't create for security like Huggy, no, this one were created TO PLAY WITH THE CHILDREN, but they basically break your neck if they catch you, and also, maybe is not the biggest part of them, but they have little pointy teeth too, again, why?

I can keep going: Why created a Pug-a-Pillar so big? Maybe something half the size would be good for children and less dangerous. Why give Bunzo pointy teeth if they're just a music player for a game? Why make Catnap so big if probably a half a size creature would make the same work with the red smoke? Why let Mommy so much mobility aroung the factory? She's not just the biggest experiment so far, but she also is able to free herself in any case thanks to the material she's make of, don't mention the fact that everybody knew she was hostile with adults, what, praying that there was always a child present to keep her grounded was their best idea?

Where i'm going with all of this? Well, Basically, Play.Co was doomed till the beginning with this iniciative, 'cause instead of created more physically controlled creatures or make better security systems, they basically created killing machines with plush textures to feed the sadistic mind of a mad scientist and fill the pockets of the shithead behind the administrative part of the factory, and instead of take all the security step you should take when dealing with dangerous creatures,they just treat them like emotionless toy without batteries that they could boss around without problem, and then Poppy react all shocked while retelling it.

Endint this, i hope all of the corporative and administrative members where in the factory during the hour of joy, 'cause they fucking deserved it.

#There a lot more i want to tell #Like the things that connect poppy with the prototype #But that for another post #Poppy playtime #Nova is having a long boring day at work

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starberry-cupcake · 2 months

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I've been reading, but didn't have time to sit down and do this, so you're getting a bit of a mess in this one, sorry about that!

I want to clarify, before starting, that if I ask questions to the void in these posts, or if I wonder very loudly about something, I'm not really looking for answers immediately nor am I doubting that things will be explained later, I promise I trust the process. If something's going to be explained, somewhere in the books, I'll get there eventually, I promise I will. You have probably noticed by now but, if you give me a hint, I'm gonna grab onto it for dear life, so better not give me anything at all. Just leave me here to die, I beg you.

previously, in harrowberry the ninth:

this happened

currently, chapters 17-19:

I'm gonna start by the end, actually

which maybe is fitting for this book

but I'll start by the end because I have a new theory and I feel this one in my bones

(pun intended)

I might be totally off but I'm gonna say it anyway because I'm excited about this one

so much so that you'll get no memes while I explain it

it's about G and P

yes, I know, I'm fixated with that, but hear me out

I think Lyctortus isn't actually called Ortus

I think his name is Gideon

let me explain

at the end of chapter 19 (I'll get there, but I need this off my chest, I really do) harrow asks mercygirl why ortus the first wants her dead

to which mercygirl distractedly answers "who?"

that's the last thing I read so far, but it got my wheels turning so fast I came running to write it down

I thought "wait, what if, just like ortus is replacing gideon in the gideon-less re-telling, the name is also a replacement?"

so I went to the character list and lyctortus's cavalier was called pyrrha

so what if they're G and P

Gideon and Pyrrha the Second

and what if the Gideon in the paper was this guy

so this is not a case of Ortus 1 and 2 but of Gideon 1 and 2

not!dulcinea told our gideon "you're very brave—a bit like another Gideon I used to know. But you're prettier in the eyes"

which is, all things considered, actually funny, because it's a reversal of what mercygirl was saying, that yandere twin and harrow aren't as pretty as their predecessors

I'm gonna risk looking like a fool later and calling this now because I really feel this one

again, let me clarify, I'm not asking you to tell me whether I'm right or wrong or anything at all, I'm just placing my bets with myself

and I know starting by the end isn't really the best way to go about a recap, but I think I'm on to something

MOVING BACK, to chapter 17

harrow starts looking into mercygirl for her new and probably not improved diary, because she knows less things now

augustine the saint of annoyance tells harrow that mercygirl and him are the oldest lyctors in the band and that it took generations for these space planet destroyers to assemble

emperor john silver tells harrow that his stupid nicknames that don't fit were meant to represent the cavaliers and not the necros

of course augustine's brother was patient, he had to put up with augustine

mercygirl is also a body expert

an anatomist, if you will

which will come in handy later/earlier (later in the reading order, earlier in the timeline order)

augustine says that he didn't bother learning that because the only use for it would be to kill lyctors

tbh it'd come in handy right now that I want to kill him, but I digress

here, harrow again mentions that ortus the first (also known as lyctortus, also known as allegedly gideon the first, also known as I'm super super sure of this you guys) wants her dead

CHAPTER 18

we're back on canaan house in the gideon-less version

these are the chapters I'm having the most fun with, which wasn't what I expected

I don't know why, I really like this whole re-written mystery thing

the slasher film vibes have doubled this time

I keep drawing parallels and enjoying my time with these old and new friends

and, talking about old and new friends, judith is dead

remember judith? remember how she died?

it wasn't like this

in this gideon-less version, instead of becoming besties with the sixth, harrow and ortus have become besties with the fifth

because 1) the fifth didn't die and 2) the fifth is in a polycule with ortus

with gideon there, they befriended the sixth because gideon saw camilla fight 5 seconds and was like "she's friend shaped :)"

so, the fifth and the ninth are taking care of judith's corpse

she was shot repeatedly with a carbine rifle

harrow says "it would have been like being set upon by a ghost out of time"

gonna put that in the 3d model

martita is outside and she's the only pseudo witness to this situation

the gideon-less version of the deaths so far is being handled like this

martita says to harrowbean "why am I here?"

she explains that they were doing the two door test thingy and, while she was in the other room, judith was shot

now, here's the thing

I thought the Sleeper that had been mentioned was the construct thing but no, it's not

it's a new thing

I'm picturing sorta this

it very well could be a person though

it's person shaped

huh

it's in a coffin where it sleeps unless it's woken up, but they don't know how it wakes up, because martita went to town kicking and punching the coffin after judith was obliterated and nothing happened

and what keeps it contained, snow white style, isn't plex glass, plex or glass

ortus proceeds to say a eulogy

martita says "Is this really how it happens?" like we've been hearing all this time

harrowbean tries to make her feel better by telling her that, at least judith died quickly

mmm...about that

martita says "No. That's not...Don't know why I thought...No."

martita doesn't know judith died slowly and painfully and wrong about everything btw, she died first, it memory serves

but still, savage

harrow regrets not telling ortus to take the pledge of silence and says "but only a very obedient idiot of a cavalier would have stuck to that"

she's your obedient idiot, though, harrow

so, the rundown is this:

the sleeper can move

the sleeper can pass necromantic wards

the sleeper shouldn't be waken

people don't know what wakes it

it has a rifle

the sleeper is lying on top of sword that's a two-hander

me, having breakfast while reading this

I didn't mention this but

harrow and abby say that judith was killed by a deadly shot and then was subsequently used for target practice and left like a colander without any reason for it

judith disrespected camilla, so

that's what you get, bitch

CHAPTER 19

we travel in time, but in the timeline of the emperor's bolthole

because WHY NOT, AT THIS POINT

we're keeping track anyway *picks back up the timeline I keep discarding and re-using*

this one is 10 months before the emperor johnny boy is ended, so this is before what we've been reading

we are told the following essential info:

harrow has written a letter for yandere twin in case of harrow's death that says: "Get what joy you can from my corpse, you devious bitch"

filed under potential resignation letter drafts

apparently a lyctor can live without food but not without water

so harrowcita is getting herself a sopita

and then lyctortus also known as I'm sure he's gideon the first stabs her

this tiny baby kitten with her sopita

man has no heart

no decency

no decorum

not his real name, according to me

mercygirl helps harrow with a lot of skill (those anatomy skills we talked about) but not much empathy

she tells alleged gideon who goes by ortus, when he says "I do things face-to-face" that "that is what got you into trouble nineteen years ago"

HELLO TIMELINE

nineteen years ago takes us back to the whole leader of the BOE going missing and gideon's mom drifting into space and the person sent with the eggs and all that

well, the eggs thing isn't directly related yet but I'm relating it

especially since there were lies involved and somebody sent to placate another somebody

DUDE CAN YOU IMAGINE

IF HE WAS INVOLVED WITH GIDEON'S MOM IN SOME WAY

AND OUR GIDEON IS NAMED AFTER THIS GIDEON????

LIKE ON PURPOSE????

HELLO?????????

AGAIN, NOBODY TELL ME, I'M ASKING AT THE VOID

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE IMPULSE OF TELLING ME BUT DON'T DO IT

I'm making up telenovela theories about how this gideon could be involved into our gideon's mom business and our gideon being named after him

and gideon's superpowers of being hercules having something to do with all this

I need to stop before I say too much and then feel embarrassed at my theories

ALSO

gideon ortus wants harrow's sword

harrowbean doesn't want to give it to him

it is at this point when mercygirl says "who?" at harrow's question about "ortus", so we end how we begun, because today it's that kind of day

also, another day without her coming home

I may be late but boy do I have theories. And yeah, nobody tell me any spoilers, please. Let me make a fool of myself.

#luly reacts to tlt #harrow the ninth #harrow the ninth spoilers #tlt spoilers #the locked tomb #long post #gif cw

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italoniponic · 5 months

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Burger (Short) King | Epel Felmier

Synopsis: It’s date night and the place you selected to go with Epel was this humble fast food restaurant that serves the best hamburger in the north part of the island. Well, even if you weren’t that curious about the truth in those rumors, you just wanted Epel to have fun at dinner for once.

Epel Felmier x gender neutral reader / fluff / appleboy's accent / established relationship / use of “you” pronouns / word count: 900 words / Masterlist

Notes: This idea came from one of my talks with @pandoa about Epel’s SR Cerimonial groovy and I just idealized this dinner night with Epel. What can I do? I love bacon and the smile of happiness shining on Epel's face. And, like always, I tried my best to write him with a southern accent... I really tried ;w;

Burger (Short) King

The burger had barely been brought to your table and you just sat there in wonder on how Epel got so quick to devour the meal. It was just a dinner date in the Sage Island village at a decent Saturday night time.

But there he was — your little lilac gremlin of a boyfriend — stuffing his mouth full of meat, bacon and lettuce with gravy as if it were the first and last meal of his life after centuries of starvation. Manners at the dinner table aside, the promotional burger was really that delicious.

When you saw the announcement promo on Magicam, you immediately remembered Epel.

It was a double steak burger, with bacon and thin onions fried in shoyu sauce, keeping company with lettuce and fresh tomatoes, tasty pickles and a special sauce “ala Chef’s mode”. Everything a delicious fast food meal could offer in carbs and a few extra nutrients.

Or it was what Epel tried to justify on the way there, which made you both ask for apple juice. But the juice alone wouldn’t nullify the bacon or the steak, you assumed with good humor.

It was then that the real reason for Epel’s enthusiasm occurred to you: most, if not all, of Pomefiore would not take your dinner so good-naturedly.

You knew that clogging up with fast-food wasn’t beneficial in many ways, but it was only for one day. Epel wouldn’t die if he ate enough meat for one night. In fact, with the addition of the potatoes and the pie he planned to buy for you both as a dessert at a nearby bakery, you wondered how much Epel usually ate for dinner.

You knew that before Epel met you, he sat alone in the cafeteria most of the time at the beginning of the year. Sometimes he was accompanied by Jack because they were the same class, other times his dorm leader and vice would personally supervise him — if there was time on their lunch schedule.

Epel even had a bag of onions in his blazer pocket to put for lunch if he needed it, which usually drove Jack’s sense of smell crazy. But he didn’t have to bring anything like that to your date, fortunately.

“Is it good?,” you asked after taking your first bite of the burger.

Epel had his mouth full of bacon and chips when you asked him for his opinion. He swallowed it all before answering you.

“Delicious, I tell ya what!,” he replied with a big smile.

It took a few minutes but Epel’s mouth was freer to talk — and let slip a little of the accent you loved so much.

“You know that no one is going to steal your sandwich, right? You can eat more calmly. You know, like really chew and enjoy the food,” you giggled, trying to reassure him.

“Have ya forgot who my dorm leader is? Well, I s’wanee I’ll be damned if not admit that, without Rook, I wouldn’t even be here. 'To thank lil’ someone don’t kill nor take a bite out of ya', meemaw say.”

You didn’t remember hearing anything similar before, but if it was advice from Marja Felmier, there was nothing to question.

Not to mention that it was a big truth — it took a lot of bribery and dramatizations of your wish to have dinner alone with your boyfriend to convince Rook to be your accomplice in this far from nutritional crime.

Just in case, you two were in the corner closest to the back exit of the diner, with no windows in sight and with a lot of things around to keep people from recognizing you.

You never know when you’re picking a poisoned apple from a seemingly well-meaning old lady, or even an extremely romantic hunter. Can’t never risk enough, you could only suppose. You would do anything to ensure the success of that date.

Epel took advantage of your thoughtful moment to eat some more. His eyes, when not closed with satisfaction, had a delightful shimmer to them that put the night stars to shame.

It was the best gift you could have given him. In fact, the boy could only think that apple carvings wouldn’t be enough to reward you.

He was actually going to try to plan something truly worthy of your kindness to him — and his countryside stomach that wouldn’t deny good meat in front of him.

But you didn’t feel like you needed any reward. Watching his joy was enough to make your heart happy. You took a sip of the apple juice, amazed at the way Epel smiled even while chewing. You held back a laughter as you watched him lick a sauce mustache that was forming above his lips.

Epel’s joy was your greatest and most precious treasure. It was enough.

“I’d do anything for you.”

“What didja say?,” the boy asked, distracted.

“C-can you pass me a napkin?,” you tried to disguise your words, not wanting to scare him with the intensity of your emotions.

Although confused, Epel shrugged and held out the small box of napkins to you.

While you were bothering to wipe non-existent crumbs from your mouth, the look of your boyfriend and his smile went unnoticed by you. Even if it took a long time before you could repeat that kind of date night, nothing would change within his heart.

Epel would still love you tons.

| Special notes: I wanted to make it a little longer but maybe another time. And I stand that I would fight all Pomefiore just to deliver the most crazy stuffed burger from McDonalds to Epel. They can't hold the power of sertanejo in my veins!! |

#twisted wonderland #epel felmier #epel felmier x reader #epel x reader #twst x reader #gender neutral reader #twst scenarios #twst imagines #twst fanfic #fluff #date night #i'll give epel all my love and burgers i can buy #cherry's writing #cherry's mumbling about twst

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yamayuandadu · 10 months

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Horned hermits and immoral immortals: an inquiry into Zanmu's background

As you might remember from my previous post covering Zanmu, I was initially unable to tell how her historical background led to ZUN choosing to make her an oni. The historical, or at least legendary, Zanmu seemed to be, for all intent and purposes, a human. That has since changed, and the matter now seems considerably more clear to me. Read on to learn more about the real monk Zanmu is based on, and to find out what she has in common with the most famous Zen master in history, Taoist immortals, and Tsuno Daishi. Even if you are not particularly interested in Zanmu, this article might still worth be checking out, seeing as the discussed primary sources are also relevant to a number of other Touhou characters, including Byakuren, Yoshika and Kasen.

As in the case of the previous Touhou article, special thanks go to @just9art, who helped me with tracking down sources advised me while I was working on this.

The historical Zanmu

Statue of Zanmu from the Sazaedo pagoda (Fukushima Travel; reproduced for educational purposes only) As already pointed out by 9 here even before my previous post about Unfinished Dream of All Living Ghost, Zanmu is based on a real monk also named Zanmu. His full name was Nichihaku Zanmu (日白残夢), and he also went by Akikaze Dōjin, but even Japanese wikipedia simply refers to him as Zanmu. ZUN basically just swapped one kanji in the name, with 日白残夢 becoming 日白残無. The character 無, which replaces original 夢 (“dream”), means “nothingness” - more on that later.The search for sources pertaining to the historical Zanmu has tragically not been very successful. In contrast with some of the stars of the previous installments, like Prince Shotoku or Matarajin, he clearly isn’t the central topic of any monographs or even just journal articles. Ultimately the main sources to fall back on are chiefly offhand mentions, blog articles and some tweets of variable trustworthiness. The only academic publication in English I was able to locate which mentions Zanmu at all is the Japanese Biographical Index from 2004, published by De Gruyter. The price of this book is frankly outrageous for what it is, so here’s the sole mention of him screencapped for your convenience:

The book referenced here is the five volume biographical dictionary Dai Nihon Jinmei Jisho from 1937. I am unable to access it, but I was nonetheless able to cobble together some information about Zanmu from other sources. Not much can be said about Zanmu’s personal life. He was a Buddhist monk (though note a legend apparently refers to him as “neither a monk nor a layperson”, a formula typically designating legendary ascetics and the like) and a notable eccentric. Both of these elements are present in the bio of his Touhou counterpart.

The Sazaedo pagoda (Fukushima Travel; reproduced for educational purposes only)

Zanmu’s tangible accomplishments seem to be tied to the temple Shoso-ji, which he apparently founded. He is enshrined in the Sazaedo pagoda near it, though this building postdates him by over 200 years. It’s located in Aizuwakamatsu in Fukushima. You can see some additional photos of his statue displayed there in this tweet. It’s a pretty famous location due to its unique double helix structure, and it has a pretty extensive article on the Japanese wikipedia. It’s also covered on multiple tourist-oriented sites in English, where more photos are available (for example here or here). There’s even a model kit representing it out there. Sazeado’s fame does not really seem to have anything to do with Zanmu, though. While many Buddhist figures ZUN used as the basis for Touhou characters in the past belonged to the “esoteric” schools (Tendai and Shingon), Zanmu was a practitioner of the much better known Zen, specifically of the Rinzai school.

The kanji mu (無 ) caligraphed by Shikō Munakata (Saint Louis Art Museum; reproduced for educational purposes only) Since the concept of “nothingness” or “emptiness” represented by the kanji 無 (mu) plays a vital role in Zen (see here or here for a more detailed treatment of this topic; it’s covered on virtually every Zen-related website possible though), and there’s even a so-called mu kōan, it strikes me as possible this is the reason behind the slightly different writing of the names of ZUN’s Zanmu, as well as the source of her ability. Granted, the dialogue in the games makes it sound like Zanmu (and by extension Hisami) just talks about nothingness as a memento mori of sorts, which is not quite what it entails in Zen. Of course, ZUN does not adapt Buddhist doctrine 1:1 (lest we forget Kasen seemingly being unaware of the basics of Mahayana in WaHH) so this point might be irrelevant.

The legendary Zanmu

The eccentric monk Ikkyū (center), as imagined by Kawanabe Kyōsai (Egenolf Gallery; reproduced for educational purposes only)

A number of legends developed around the historical Zanmu. If this blog post is to be trusted, there is a tradition according to which he was a student of arguably the most famous member of the Rinzai school, and probably one of the most famous Buddhist monks in the history of Japan in general, Ikkyū. He is remembered as the archetypal eccentric monk, and spent much of his life traveling as a vagabond due to his disagreements with Buddhist establishment and unusual personal views on matters such as celibacy. As I already said in my previous article pertaining to Zanmu, long time readers of my blog might know Ikkyū from the tale of Jigoku Dayū and art inspired by it, though since this motif only arose in the Edo period it naturally does not represent an actual episode from his very much real career.

A page from Ikkyū Gaikotsu (wikimedia commons)

In art a distinct tradition of depicting Ikkyū with skeletons developed, as seen both in the case of works showing him with his legendary student Jigoku Dayū and in the so-called Ikkyū Gaikotsu. Skeletons also played a role in Zen-inspired art in general (for more information see here). Whether this inspired ZUN to decorate Zanmu’s rock with bones is hard to determine, but it does not seem implausible. It would hardly be the deepest art history cut in the series, less arcane of a reference than the very existence of Mai and Satono or Kutaka’s pose. Obviously, it does not seem very plausible that Ikkyū ever actually met the historical Zanmu. Ikkyū passed away in 1481, and Zanmu in 1576, with his birth date currently unknown. Even if we assume he was a particularly long-lived individual and by some miracle was born while Ikkyu was still alive, it is somewhat doubtful that an elderly sick monk would be preaching Zen doctrine to an infant. However, apparently legends do provide a convenient explanation for this tradition. Purportedly Zanmu lived for an unusually long time. The figure of 139 years pops up online quite frequently, and does seem to depend on a genuine tradition, but even more fabulous claims are out there.

Kaison Hitachibō, as imagined by an unknown artist (wikimedia commons)

According to another legend, Zanmu was even older, and in fact remembered the Genpei war, which took place in the Heian period - nearly 400 years before his time. Supposedly he told many vivid tales about its famous participants, Yoshitsune and Benkei. A tradition according to which he was himself originally a legendary retainer of Yoshitsune, the warrior monk Kaison Hitachibō (常陸坊海尊) developed at some point. This has already been pointed out by others before me in relation to the Touhou version of Zanmu. From what I’ve seen, some Japanese fans in fact seem excited primarily about the prospect of Zanmu offering an opportunity to connect Touhou and works focused on the Genpei war. The tradition making Zanmu a centuries-old survivor from the Heian period must be relatively old, as his supposed immortality is already mentioned in Honchō Jinja Kō (本朝神社考; “Study of shrines”) by Razan Hayashi, who was active in the first half of the seventeenth century, mere decades after Zanmu’s death. While I found no explicit confirmation, it seems sensible to assume this legend was already in circulation while Zanmu was still alive, or at least that it developed very shortly after he passed away. Perhaps he really was invested in accounts of that period to the point he sounded as if he actually lived through it.

The choice of Kaison as Zanmu’s original name in the legend does not seem random, as there was a preexisting tradition according to which this legendary Heian figure was cursed with eternal life for betraying Yoshitsune by fleeing from the battlefield instead of remaining with his lord to die. You can read more about this here. Apparently there is a version where he instead becomes immortal to make it possible to pass down the story of the Genpei war to future generations (this is the only source I have to offer though), and there's even a well-received stage play based on it, Hitachibō Kaison (translated as "Kaison, priest of Hitachi") by Matsuyo Akimoto. Another thing worth pointing out is that Kaison was seemingly a Tendai monk from Mount Hiei, which means that even though Okina isn’t in a new game, you can still claim she’s metaphorically casting her shadow over it in some way if you squint (and that’s without going into the fact sarugami are associated with Mount Hiei). I've seen two separate sources which mention that according to a legend he trained Benkei there, and that the two did not get along because Kaison was a corrupt monk (lustful, keen on substance abuse, greedy, the usual routine). You can access them here and here,but bear in mind they're old. Zanmu’s Genpei war connection does not really seem to matter in Touhou, though, as ZUN pretty explicitly situated his version in the Sengoku period, with no mention of earlier events. Granted, if you like it, this should not prevent you from embracing the view that Zanmu is an alter ego of Kaison as your headcanon - as I said people are already doing that. It seems equally fair game as “Okina is Hata no Kawakatsu”, easily one of the most popular “historical” headcanons in the history of the franchise. According to this twitter thread, the legends about Zanmu’s longevity (or immortality) have a pretty long lifespan themseles, as they were referenced by relatively high profile modern writers, like Orikuchi Shinbou and Tatsuhiko Shibusawa.

Buddhist immortals

A word carving of a sennin, "immortal" or "hermit" (wikimedia commons)

Legends about long-lived (or outright immortal) monks, such as Zanmu or Kaison, are hardly uncommon. A work which seems to be the key to understanding their early development, and by extension possibly also the portrayal of Zanmu in Touhou, might be Honchō Shinsenden, “Records of Japanese Immortals”. This title refers to a collection of setsuwa, short stories typically meant to convey religious knowledge or morals. Its title pretty much tells you what to expect. Honchō Shinsenden is an interesting work in that while it in theory deals with Buddhism, and largely describes the individual immortals as, well, Buddhists, it ultimately reflects a Taoist tradition. There is a strong case to be made that it was an inspiration for another Touhou installment, specifically Ten Desires, already, seeing as it mentions prince Shotoku and Miyako no Yoshika and its Taoist-adjacent context has a long paper trail in scholarship, but I will not go too deep into that topic here - expect it to be covered in a separate article later on. Stories of immortals are pretty schematic, and their protagonists can be categorized as belonging to a number of archetypes. I think it’s safe to say this has a lot to do with the self-referential character of this sort of literature - compilers of new works were obviously familiar with their forerunners, and imitated them for the sake of authenticity. In China, literary accounts of the lives of immortals circulated as early as in the first century BCE, with the concept of immortals (xian, 仙, read as sen in Japanese; this term and its derivatives have various other translations too, with Touhou media generally favoring “hermit”) itself already appearing slightly earlier. It seems Shenxian Zhuan (Biographies of Spirit Immortals) by a certain Ge Xuan, certified immortals enthusiast and cinnabar-based immortality elixir connoisseur (discussing and developing immortality elixirs was a popular pastime for literati in ancient and medieval China), can in particular be considered the inspiration for the later Japanese compilation. While the concept of immortals was largely developed by Taoists, tales focused on them were already not strictly the domain of Taoism by the time they reached Japan. They were embraced in Chinese culture in general, both in strictly religious context and more broadly in art. In Japan, they came to be incorporated into Buddhist worldview, and in fact Honchō Shinsenden states that their protagonists can be understood as “living Buddhas” (ikibotoke), a designation used to refer to particularly saintly Buddhists. Their devotion to both Buddhas and other related figures, and to local kami, is stressed multiple times too.

Presumably this was the result of the influence of the Japanese Buddhist concept of hijiri (聖), a type of particularly rigorous solitary ascetic in popular imagination regarded as almost divine. Needless to say, most of you are actually familiar with the hijiri even if you never read about them, as this is the source of Byakuren’s surname and a clear influence on her character too. In Honchō Shinsenden, it is outright said that the sign 仙, normally read as sen, should be read as hijiri in this case.

A portrait of Huisi (wikimedia commons)

The notion of extending one’s lifespan was not incompatible with Buddhism, as evidenced by tales of adepts who lived for a supernaturally long period of time to show their compassion to more beings or to get closer to the coming of Maitreya. Even the founder of the Tiantai school of Buddhism (the forerunner of Japanese Tendai), Huisi, was said to meditate in hopes of extending his life to witness Maitreya. At the same time, Chinese compilations of stories about immortals do not list Buddhists among them, in contrast with Japanese ones. This might be due to the rivalry between these religions which was at times rather pronounced in Tang China, culminating in events such as emperor Wuzong's persecution of Buddhism. Let’s return to Honchō Shinsenden, though. Its original author was most likely Ōe no Masafusa, active in the second half of the eleventh century. No full copy survives, but the original contents can nonetheless be restored based on various fragmentary manuscripts. Some of the sections are preserved as quotations in other texts or in larger compilations of stories, too. I have seen claims online that the historical Zanmu is covered in some editions of the Honchō Shinsenden or works dependent on it. So far I was only able to determine with certainty that Zanmu is covered alongside the immortals from Honchō Shinsenden in at least one modern monograph (Nishi-Nihon-hen by Kōsai Chigiri; if anyone of you have access to it I’d be interested to learn what exactly it says about Zanmu) and a number of posts and articles online. However, he lived around 400 years after this work was completed, so he quite obviously does not appear in its original version, contrary to what the Touhou wiki says right now. Masafusa does not necessarily portray the immortals as pinnacles of morality, and indeed moral virtues do not seem to be a prerequisite for attaining this status in his work. It is therefore possible that despite being setsuwa, his tales of immortals were an entirely literary endeavor and were not meant to evoke piety, let alone promote the worship of described figures.

A recurring pattern which unifies all of these tales is describing immortals as eccentric. As I already noted, this is a distinct characteristic of the historical Zanmu too, and it comes up in the bio of his Touhou counterpart as well. She has “reached the absolute pinnacle of eccentricity”. It seems safe to say ZUN is aware of that pattern, then, and consciously chose to highlight this. He also stresses that Zanmu has lived through an era of marital strife, specifically through the Sengoku period. The inclusion of such episodes is another innovation typical for Japanese immortal tales, and does appear to be a feature of the tradition pertaining to Zanmu’s counterpart too, as discussed above. Horned hermits?

A modern devotional statuette of Laozi with horns, found on ebay of all places; reproduced here for educational purposes only.

There is a further possible feature of Zanmu that might be tied to Honchō Shinsenden. While there are numerous physical traits attributed to immortals in Chinese sources, Masafusa decided to only ever highlight two. One of them are unusual bones, the other - horns on the forehead. Tragically one of my favorites, square pupils (mentioned in Liexian Zhuan), is missing. Masafusa relays that an anonymous hijiri, the “Rod-Striking Immortal”, grew stumpy horns as a sign of attaining his supernatural status.This might be a stretch, but perhaps Zanmu, due to being the Touhou version of a legendary immortal, also already had horns before becoming an oni. You have to admit it would be funny.

The two horns - or rather small bumps, based on available descriptions - characteristic for some immortals were known as rijiao (日角; “sun-horn”) and yuenxuan (月懸; “moon crescent”). Such unusual physical features were already attributed to various legendary and historical rulers and sages in China in the first century CE, so this is not really a Taoist invention, but rather an adoption of beliefs widespread in China in the formative years of this religion. They also intersected with the early Buddhist tradition about the so-called “32 marks of the Buddha”, documented for example in Mahāvastu and later in Chinese Mahayana tradition which Taoist authors were familiar with. Yu the Great, the flood hero, was among the legendary figures said to possess horns in Chinese tradition. It is even sometimes believed Laozi had them when he was born, which according to Livia Kohn was meant to symbolically elevate him to the rank of such mythical figures as Fuxi.

While this is ultimately a post focused on Zanmu, I think it’s worth pointing out this belief in horned ascetics has very funny implications for Kasen. Being a “horned hermit” is not really an issue, it would appear. If anything, it adds a sense of authenticity. Clearly Kasen needs to study the classics more.

Immortals (and mortals) in hell

One last connection between Zanmu and legends about immortals is her role as an official in hell. However, this is much less directl. Early Chinese sources mention “Agents Beneath the Earth” (dixia zhu zhe 地下主者), a rank available to low class immortals choosing to serve in the land of the dead. They could be contrasted with the immortals inhabiting heaven, regarded as higher ranked than them. However, note that there are also many narratives focused on mortals becoming officials in hell - in Japan arguably the most famous case is the tale of Ono no Takamura, a historical poet from the early Heian period. In Chinese culture there are multiple examples but I think none come close to the popularity of judge Bao. It does not seem any immortals playing a similar role retain equal prominence in culture. Ultimately this paragraph is only a curiosity, and a much closer parallel to Zanmu's role in hell exists - and it’s connected to materials ZUN already referenced to booth.

Corrupt monks, oni and tengu

Ryōgen, the most famous monk turned demon, and his alter ego Tsuno Daishi (wikimedia commons)

In addition to characterizing Zanmu as eccentric, ZUN also wrote in her bio that she is a corrupt monk. As we learn, she developed a belief that the best way to reconcile the Sengoku period ethos which demanded boasting about the number of enemies killed with Buddhist precepts was to focus on spirits rather than the living, since she will basically deliver salvation to them. She ultimately “absorbed some beast-youkai spirits, thus discarding her life as a human”. This to my best knowledge does not really match any genuine tradition about the historical Zanmu, related figures or anyone else. As far as I can tell, it’s hard to find a direct parallel either in irl material or elsewhere in Touhou... at least if we stick to the details. More vaguely similar examples are not only attested, discussing them was for a time arguably the backbone of Buddhist discourse in Japan, and neatly explains why Zanmu became an oni. The idea that monks who broke Buddhist precepts in some way turned into monsters is not ZUN’s invention. It first appears in sources from the Heian period, and gained greater relevance in the Kamakura period. Particularly commonly it was asserted that members of Buddhist clergy who fail to attain nirvana turn into tengu. However, oni were an option too. Bernard Faure points out that Ryōgen, the archetypal example of a fallen monk (see here for a detailed discussion of this topic, and of his return to grace as a demon keeping other demons at bay), could be described as reborn as an oni, for example. The Shingon monk Shinzei is variously described as turning into an oni, a tengu or an onryō (vengeful spirit). Oni are also referenced in a similar context in Heike Monogatari alongside tenma, a term referring to demons obstructing enlightenment in general.

Corrupt monks turned into tengu in the Tengu Zoshi Emaki (wikimedia commons)

Typically it was believed that monks who turned into demons went to a realm variously known as makai, tengudō or madō. As you may know, normally there are three realms one should avoid reincarnating in - beasts, hungry ghosts and hell - but this was basically a bonus fourth one. Granted, this view was not recognized universally, and the alternative interpretation was that it was just a specific hell with a distinct name. At the absolute peak of this concept’s relevance, the foremost Buddhist thinkers of these times, including Nichiren, were accusing each other of being demons. Additionally, some of the past emperors, especially Sutoku and Goshirakawa, could be presented as tengu, for example in Hōgen monogatari. There was also an interest in finding gods who could keep the forces of disorder at bay. You can see echoes of these beliefs in rituals pertaining to Matarajin, which ZUN rather explicitly referenced in Aya's route in Hidden Star in Four Seasons. Typically the reason behind transformation into an oni, tengu or another vaguely similar being were earthly attachments. Alternatively, it could be pursuing gejutsu, “outside arts”, essentially teachings which fell outside of what was permitted by Buddhism. Note this does not necessarily mean anything originating in religions other than Buddhism, though, the term is more nuanced. So, for instance worship of kami or following Confucian values are perfectly fair game. A synonymous term was gedō, “heretical” way (on the use of the term “heresy” in the context of study of Buddhism see here). We can make a case for Zanmu’s bio alluding to that - she wanted to adhere to the social norms of the Sengoku period by symbolically taking in a headcount by absorbing spirits, I suppose. That’s not really a thing in any Buddhist literature, though, and I assume ZUN came up with this himself. Conclusion While this article is slightly less rigorous than my recent research ventures pertaining to Matarajin, let alone the Mesopotamian wiki operations, I hope it nonetheless sheds some additional light on Zanmu. I will admit I already liked her even before I started digging into the possible inspiration behind her, and finding out more only strengthened my enthusiasm. While there are clear parallels between Zanmu, her namesake and a variety of other characters from Japanese and Chinese literature and religions, as usual for a character made by ZUN her strength lies both in creative repurposing of these elements and in adding something new.

Postscriptum: Zanmu and Tang Sanzang?

Xuanzang, as depicted by an unknown Qing artist (wikimedia commons) While much about Zanmu’s character - her backstory as an eccentric fallen monk who became a demon, her apparent zen theme, and so on - all form a coherent whole, there is a tiny detail which does not really match anything else discussed in this article. It does not come from her dialogue or bio, but rather from Enoko’s. As we learn, she became immortal herself after eating a piece of Zanmu’s body back when the latter was still a human. Or rather, the combination of that and subsequently consuming a magical gemstone as recommended by Zanmu did it - I’m pretty sure I misread this before. As 9 pointed out to me, probably the implications are just that Enoko’s backstory is a partial reference to Perfect Memento in Strict Sense, which does state that consuming the flesh of a monk would be a particularly suitable way for an ordinary animal to turn into a youkai. Still, comparisons between this tidbit and Journey to the West have been made by others before already, so I figured it would be suitable to address them here even if they lie beyond my own argument about the inspiration behind Zanmu. In this novel, many demons want to devour its protagonist Tang Sanzang because his flesh is said to make anyone who consumes immortal. This is because he is a reincarnation of Master Golden Cicada (Jinchan zi, 金蟬子), a disciple of the Buddha invented for the sake of the story. Interestingly, Sanzang is portrayed as an adherent of Chan Buddhism, the school from which Japanese Zen is derived (note that his historical forerunner Xuanzang belonged to the Yogācāra tradition instead). Despite the vague similarities, I ultimately do not think there are particularly close parallels between Zanmu and Sanzang. For starters, Zanmu is meant to be a corrupt monk, while Sanzang is the opposite of that. Their respective characters couldn’t differ more either. Throughout the entire novel, Sanzang is a pretty poor planner, shows doubt in his own abilities, and regularly misjudges the situation. Needless to say this does not exactly offer a good parallel to Zanmu. Sure, she creates a bootleg Wukong, but Sanzang did not create Wukong, the famous primate was just assigned to him as a bodyguard. Therefore, until evidence on the contrary appears (for example in an interview) I would personally remain cautiously pessimistic regarding a possible connection here. Recommended reading

Bernard Faure, Rage and Ravage (Gods of Medieval Japan vol. 3)

Noga Ganany, Baogong as King Yama in the Literature and Religious Worship of Late-Imperial China

Zornica Kirkova, Roaming into the Beyond: Representations of Xian Immortality in Early Medieval Chinese Verse

Christoph Kleine & Livia Kohn, Daoist Immortality and Buddhist Holiness: A Study and Translation of the Honchō shinsen-den

Livia Kohn, The Looks of Laozi

James Robson, The Institution of Daoism in the Central Region (Xiangzhong) of Hunan

Haruko Wakabayashi, From Conqueror of Evil to Devil King: Ryogen and Notions of Ma in Medieval Japanese Buddhism

Idem, The Seven Tengu Scrolls. Evil and the Rhetoric of Legitimacy in Medieval Japanese Buddhism

#touhou #zanmu nippaku #nippaku zanmu

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onyourhyuck · 1 year

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MRS NA? | NA JAEMIN. | PART TWO.

— Prologue: “It’s midnight, where the hell were you?” + “What the hell is your problem?”

— Summary: Wherein Go Yeeun wakes up from a coma and meets Na Jaemin claiming to be her husband and have five children together.

— Genre: jaemin series. Romance. Found family. Mystery. Smut. Crack. Fluffiness.

Notes: THIS IS A JAEMIN SERIES ON MY BLOG. reblog and follow me for more daily updates.

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The night was long for Go Yeeun. She couldn’t sleep it off no matter what and the only person on her mind was Jaemin, who wasn’t home no where to be seen or heard of. To add on the list the children are fast asleep and she’s laying in the double bed finding nothing out of her brain. Not a single reluctance memory to remember. It was stressing the poor woman out considering she can’t sleep now because of it. The night looks too dark, darker than usual.

The bedroom felt stiff and tense. Yeeun buries the body deeper into the blanket laying on the right side of the bed, while the left side was unoccupied and empty.

‘Was this really the life I chose? Seriously?’ It rang through her mind like a truck driving down a fast lane. It just didn’t make sense to her why she would chose this life. It did not feel like even it was her life previously.

Then the sound of the rustic doorknob turning wakes up Yeeun’s thoughts to vanish. She slides up from the bed putting on a gown robe over the shorts and the shirt she found from Jaemin’s wardrobe. Yeeun walks down the stairs in a hurry catching Jaemin taking off the shoes mid action, the lights turn on.

All the man saw was a dangerous stare from Yeeun pointing directly at him, she didn’t look happy nor impressed.

Yeeun taps the fingers on the side forearms repeatedly in silence until she finally asked one of the questions she was dying to ask him.

“It’s midnight, where the hell were you?” Her voice was hushed and quick, describing the anger boiling deep within her.

Jaemin sighs. “I told you where i was already before I left bunny lips.”

The man pulls the leather jacket away hanging it on the cloak hanger and then opening the fridge wide to stare inside. Bunch of beer bottles were in there as well as orange juice. However most of the fridge was empty.

Yeeun goes downstairs following Jaemin behind. “Don’t you think it’s inappropriate to come home this late? Have you got no sense of time in your head.”

He stops putting the beer back in the fridge. ‘Damn my appetite is ruined.’ He thought and turns around to look down at Yeeun.

“What the hell is your problem?” Jaemin slants closing the fridge with a large slam. Yeeun takes a step back when Jaemin took his feet forward approaching her from where she’d stood.

He continues talking making Yeeun’s skin crawl up. “Before you had no issues with me arriving home late, why is it a problem now. You let me do whatever without questioning.”

“Well I have an issue with it now.” His wife divulges raising an eyebrow at him.

“I don’t need a drunk man coming home to get more drunk.” Yeeun sighs looking around before going up the stairs. Jaemin caught her back leaving him and he sighs deeply out, this wasn’t how he planned it would go like down.

Yeeun could hear his footsteps from the stairs echoing and coming in the bedroom his stare lands on Yeeun. He unbuttoned the one button of his shirt and then the second. As much as he pissed her off Yeeun couldn’t take her eyes off him when he was about to undress until suddenly he opens the door widely.

He clears his throat. “Uh bunny lips. You get backache on the bed so you usually sleep on the couch.”

The stare at his collarbones being revealed shifts and deadpans onto the man up front. Yeeun let’s out a confused ‘huh’ as if this was a joke or something but the way he was being serious in that rasp out tone made it impossible to be light.

“I’m sorry I get what—”

“Yeah…” Jaemin crawls on the bed lifting Yeeun over his shoulders suddenly she nearly screamed but held it over her hand remembering the children are asleep. It was a nightmare getting them to listen and to finally sleep too so, it would’ve been terrible if they woke up now after all the effort.

“Let me go..! Do you hear me?” She whisper yells as quiet as possible.

She slams the back until she was thrown on the couch with Jaemin throwing a pillow and blanket over at her head.

“Sweet dreams. Don’t let the bed bugs bite.” He smirks turning around, not a single hesitation.

Yeeun gasps taking it off angrily and saw Jaemin slamming the bedroom door shut. She grips the warm blanket huffing out. “Dickhead… why did i marry him god tell me.” She lays on the couch grunting.

This couch wasn’t at all comfortable. Yeeun couldn’t get comfortable in any position. All night she was twisting and turning side to side, back to front. She even tried to change the pillow positions and that did not help.

‘I hate my life.’ She pleads shutting her eyes tight.

‘I’m sorry father. I can’t do that anymore.’

‘What do you mean? You don’t have a choice Yeeun.’

‘I don’t want to do that.’

A swung hand thrown like a fast bullet slaps the face until cold sensation pours down like the Antarctic snow has landed on the face. Waking up breathing heavily and coughing out water from the mouth and the nose, she saw blurry until rubbing them wide open to see the five children and her husband have poured a bucket of water down her face.

She chokes coughing. “What the hell was that for?!” She couldn’t believe this. They were spawn of satans most definitely.

Jaemin smirks patting her wet hair. “The kids need you to make their lunch for school. I’m off to work now. Make sure they get there on time.” He walks to the door and Yeeun twists around on the couch.

“Wait don’t leave yet!” She was about to shout but Jaemin left unable to listen, or rather want to listen to her. She sighs turning around.

“MUM HANUEL STOLE MY BUNNY.” The young girl cried from the other room.

“MUMMM YONGSOO IS EATING SPONGES AGAIN.” Insu shouts looking at the younger brother chewing on the fabric.

Insung runs to Yeeun. “Mum I can’t find my school shoes!”

Yeeun rubs her head friending a welcoming headache on the temples. This much responsibility and not a single person they can ask other than her. So this was motherhood? It truly did not look bright. She stands up rushing to grab the baby, Yongsoo, who munched on the sponges and grabs it away. She stares at the bitten fabric in disturbing light.

“Okay… Yongsoo go wash your mouth and brush your teeth.” Yeeun told the boy and he waddles to the bathroom, he pulls the little step up box and stands on it to get the similar height to the sink.

Her attention was quickly taken over to the shoes hidden underneath the couch. She grabs them and looks around.

“Insung are those your shoes?” She points and the little six year old boy with adorable ears nods grabbing them. “Thanks mum.”

She would start making the sandwiches for them unable to think what they want or whatever. But she did her best to make something nice and healthy too. Yeeun chopped cucumbers and tomatoes in a box putting them in the school bags. She created peanut butter and jam sandwiches in a separate container box.

Haewon comes behind Yeeun pointing. “Can I please have cranberry juice with my lunch?”

She looks down at the younger girl. “Sure can you take it out the fridge and I’ll put it in your water bottle.”

Haewon walks away to the fridge grabbing the juice box and puts it on the counter. Hanuel grabs the orange juice pouring it in the glass.

She puts the cranberry juice for Haewon in the bottle and puts it inside her princess pink Aurora school bag. “Okay you’re done. Here you go.”

Her gaze turns to the smaller bag and she finishes putting the last lunchbox that was finished in the bag. Yongsoo comes out of the bathroom all ready for his school and she looks at the toddler.

“You hungry for something that isn’t sponges for washing?” She points and Yongsoo pouts.

“I want cheese crackers.” He said sitting on the couch. Yeeun brings the cheese crackers on the plate to Yongsoo and then saw out the window the yellow school bus.

She turns to the children. “Kids your bus is here! Go and catch it.”

Yongsoo grabs a few crackers quickly eating them. They all were helped putting on shoes and jackets. It felt worse than a workout Yeeun could imagine, she never thought being a mother was a full time consuming job and gym session in one. The children ran out saying goodbye to their mother and leaving her all alone. Luckily she saw them get on just fine on the bus so somehow all that stress was gone.

She pulls on the couch and saw a paper note attached on the table, it was written by Jaemin.

‘Do these chores below before everyone gets back home! Thanks!’

With a smiley face written next to it. She glared looking at the section it was like a whole list for multiple people to do all day.

Yeeun scoffs. “Somehow I feel more like a freaking servant than a stay at home wife.”

The first chore was to cut up wood for the fireplace because during the night it gets way colder. Yeeun walks to the back yard only to be jumped by two large shepherd dogs licking her face and running in the house as they please.

She yells. “AH MY GOD NO ONE TOLD ME WE HAVE BEASTS IN THIS FREAKING HOUSE.”

Yeeun gets up and seeing them on the couch occupying it she wipes the dogs saliva on her face in digust. ‘I think I’ll be sick later.’ She couldn’t believe they haven’t told her they have freaking dogs!

Going outside she starts to put up the wooden logs and grabs the nearby axe. She wobbles to the side everytime trying to lift it with her weak arms she nearly trips over a rock on the ground and almost chops herself up. She sighs looking back at the dropped axe on the floor and grabs it again.

Positioning it with extreme focus, Yeeun managed to cut open two logs in half. She comes back flinching seeing the logs fall apart so easily. It was almost satisfying to watch but not as satisfying to do.

The next chore when you’d finish chopping up freaking wood for the house, it was to take care of the farm animals. This includes so many stations, cleaning them, feeding them, grooming them and their hair for the horses. Milking the cows was one thing. The sheep’s needed to be shaved for the wool. Yeeun sighs.

All of these works took hours upon hours. Yeeun was busy just by doing something. Milking the house was a hassle because everytime she tried to grab the cow to milk them she would spray the milk on herself — it was an insane experience. Later on the sheep were next and shaving the sheep went surprisingly smooth until they start moving around too much. Afterwards Yeeun had to put on the black farmer boots on, which were probably Jaemin’s because they were a little too big on her. However they did the work. Yeeun goes inside the pig pen holding her nose at the animal smell.

It really wasn’t pleasant to smell. They weren’t even that cute up close. Yeeun takes a step forward, she had to wash the pigs but in the process one pig ran away seeing her come close and Yeeun in panic slips on the muddy ground in the pig pen. She gets surrounded by pigs smothering her and the mud on her clothes and the willingness of the boots.

She wanted to scream in frustration, but she couldn’t because the pigs where crushing her almost.

Yeeun comes out when finishing the job all dirty and smelling all sorts of things you couldn’t even tell what animal smelled like hers. When looking back at the list of notes she saw the chickens becoming next and all she had to do was collect the eggs.

Yeeun thought it was easy, well that was the most wrong assumption step ever. Because when the young girl got in that chicken coop she never saw that many chickens chirping on her skin and feet. It was considerably very painful it felt like a pink on your skin. She would come out with the eggs in the basket and closed the pen door.

The very last thing was the horses and these were probably the most intimidating creatures she encountered. As far as she remembers, she couldn’t find a single recalling memory coming across a horse before the car accident.

She had to clean the horse shoeshine and then groom their hair as well as feed them the nutrients. She’d watch the horse eat calmly.

‘Well these were the most calm animals. The pigs and the sheep were a hassle.’ Yeeun thought to herself.

By the time she was done with farm work, Yeeun took a shower inside the house to clean up. She really needed a bath, a relaxing one where she could relax. But forgetting the dogs were inside they all sat in front of the bathtub watching her.

She side eyes them splashing water on the dogs. “Shoo! I’m tryna bathe here.”

Yeeun stares at the dogs not budging, as if they were protecting her from intruders. She can’t believe she has two freaking border collie shepherd dogs watching her right now, naked in a bath to get the mud and the animal smell out.

She looks at their collars.

“Ruby and Pearl…” She repeats. Their names were Ruby and Pearl. Yeeun looks back at them.

“You. Ruby. Go away.”

Yeeun repeats but the dog only tilts their head not understanding. At this point Yeeun gives up and just loudly groans sinking into the water pushing her head underneath.

‘What was I thinking talking to a dog.’

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

@onyourhyuck please refer from translating and copyrighting my work thank youu! Reblog and follow me for more updates on this series it helps a girl out <3

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wyvernne · 7 months

Text

see you through til the day’s end (rewrite) teaser

taking a quick study break to post this for y’all. i have not read over it again nor has it been edited, so forgive me for any errors. i know a lot of you are also dealing with final exams, so good luck, and remember to take care of yourselves!!

————-

It was a stupid way to get caught. You’re not sure if it was the cold that dumbed you down, dulled your senses so gravely.

You slipped. That’s all it took. A single misstep is going to cost you your life.

What was supposed to be a simple reconnaissance on the growing Fatui encampments has quickly become the site of the last moments of your life.

You sigh. What a pathetic way to die. The soldiers did quite a number on you, too. You’re sure you have at least a concussion. Maybe a few broken ribs.

You tug halfheartedly on your restraints. The Fatui are no strangers to taking captives. Of course they know how to keep one tied down.

“Oh? What little mouse fell into the trap?” You freeze. It’s a voice you’ve only heard once before.

Your heart thumps sickeningly in your chest for a beat before you raise your head. It’s… a different one. A little older, but still a young man.

Dottore smiles at you. His face is entirely obscured by his mask, save for his eerie, chilling grin.

“I don’t believe we’ve had the pleasure of officially meeting before,” you offer. You try not to sound afraid. Your heartbeat gives you away, certainly. You’re fucked. You’re so fucked.

Dottore’s smile never changes. “Is that so? You seem quite familiar.” He tilts his head. “Ah. Perhaps it’s the scent of the Abyss. It does quite remind me of that young man.”

He must be talking about the eleventh. You grit your teeth. “You must be mistaken.”

“Surely not,” Dottore replies pleasantly. He’s taking his sweet time getting to the point, really.

“Ah, that’s it!” He snaps his fingers dramatically, as if he’s suddenly remembered a particularly amusing factoid. “You’ve been in the company of a certain young winery owner before, too.”

A chill slips down your spine. You maintain your smile. “I’m merely a distant associate.”

Dottore’s doesn’t even grace you with a response, and the silence makes your heart beat faster.

You continue speaking, struggling to keep your voice steady. “I’m flattered that a lord harbinger himself is even gratifying me with his time.”

Dottore guffaws, doubling over in laughter. “Ah! So much spunk. It’s refreshing to have a subject who isn’t cowering in fear. How exciting.”

His laughter dies down abruptly. It’s just as chilling as when it began.

“Shall we run a little impromptu experiment?” he asks. Bile rises in your throat. You’d rather just have a swift end, really. Who knows what kind of circumstances Dottore will keep you alive under.

He draws a knife from his belt. It’s… it’s far more mundane than you thought. At the very least, it seems like he won’t be injecting you with some strange substance. “It’s a pity I don’t have my laboratory equipment with me here… but I supposed we’ll just need to make do. After all, the process is the fun of it.”

“Process,” you repeat, stupidly. It’s too cold, and your head was hit too hard. Your brain isn’t working like it should. You— you should be planning some grand escape. Instead you can barely follow the conversation happening between you.

“Do you know how much blood is in the human body?” he asks, spinning the knife carelessly in his palm.

You manage a dry laugh. “I haven’t measured. Don’t tell me you treat all your hostages with such hospitality?”

“How arrogant,” he scoffs. “You’re merely the delicious morsel of cheese. The real prize has yet to show itself.”

What the fuck is he on about?

He pulls something out of his pocket with his free hand. You spoke too soon.

You jerk against the restraints reflexively at the sight. A small vial. He pops the stopper with practiced ease, dribbling the viscous liquid over the length of the blade.

He pulls you up against him, sliding an arm around you. It’s like you’ve been already been drugged, your mind slow to comprehend what’s happening. His words keep ringing in your head. “You’ve a little more blood in you than… say, six and a half bottles of wine.”

And then there’s a sharp blow to your back, sending white hot pain jolting through your body.

You gasp, as if the air has been knocked from your lungs. The wheezing, wet sobs that rip from your lungs shake your body, but it hardly compares to the searing ache in your back. Dottore smiles. “I wouldn’t move so much, dear. Unless you’d like me to sever your spinal cord.”

He jerks his arm up, lifting you with the sheer force of his movement. He’s playing a dangerous game, cutting into you so blindly, so close to your spine—

You choke on the thought. He doesn’t care.

You don’t scream. Can’t. It’s like the air around you has been sucked away, and you can’t seem to get a single breath down. The only thing that comes from your mouth is a horrible, strangled gurgle.

He laughs, pulling the dagger out with ease. You sag, eyes wide. Move. Do something. Fight back.

You’re still gasping, choking on nothing. What is the point? Of this? Of any of it?

Dottore chuckles, wiping the dagger haphazardly on your shirt. “I guess you do bleed like we do. Shall we continue?”

You’re bleeding too much too fast. You can see it starting to pool around your feet, blossoming out in the snow.

You jerk against your restraints, throwing your knee up with a shout. You catch Dottore in the stomach, but he hardly reacts to your blow. He leans closer, so close you can feel his breath on your face.

“How impudent,” he mutters, smashing the hilt of the knife into your temple. A shock of pain shoots through your head, and you bite down to silence a sob.

Why is he wasting his time on you? Your thoughts feel hazy. Maybe it’s just pain for the sake of it.

Pain for the sake of it.

Why can’t you catch your breath? You’re teary, but still, no sound can form in your throat. You feel like you’re suffocating.

An agent materializes behind him, kneeling obediently.

“Didn’t I say to leave me to my work?” Dottore huffs, exasperated. He’s speaking so flippantly, like someone just interrupted his daily newspaper reading.

You can’t tell how deep the wound is like this. It’s— it’s long.

You have… minutes, maybe, until you’ve lost too much. There’s no fighting your way out of this. There’s no winning here.

You barely catch the last wisps of conversation.

“…Forgive me, lord harbinger. The Tsaritsa has sent a message.”

Dottore clicks his tongue in annoyance, tossing the dagger into the snow as he turns away. “Well, I’ve lost interest, regardless. Lucky little you.”

The agent slices the restraints down with a swift movement. You crumple to the ground, gasping desperately for air. Dottore starts away from you, but then stops and smiles over his shoulder. “Your life is ticking away, you know.”

You barely register his words. Every second matters, now. You clamber unsteadily to your feet. Despite the freezing snow you’ve started to sweat, your muscles trembling with the effort of holding yourself up.

You take a stumbling step backwards. Not a single Fatuus makes a move to stop you. They watch you with their robotic, empty gazes. You take another, and then turn on your heel and run.

It hurts. It hurts like death. But you won’t win a fight here, and Dottore is bitterly right. Five minutes, at most. Five minutes before you’ve lost too much blood.

Your movements are sluggish and stilted, and the world seems to teeter on your vision. Like hell you’ll let yourself die without putting up a fight.

It’s only a few yards to the cliff side. Water rushes past you and you sway for a moment, nearly losing your balance.

You feel ill. This rush of adrenaline won’t last you much longer, not with how badly he’s cut you. Not with how much this hurts.

It’s a long drop. You know better than anyone. Still, you launch yourself forward, feet slipping on the last rock, and plummet into the raging water below. If you’re going to lose your life, you’ll lose it to the torrents of nature. Not to some damned harbinger’s passing fancies.

———————————

You’ve broken… something. It’s hard to tell at this point, even as you drag yourself onto the snowy banks of the river. Everything fucking hurts. It’s a miracle you didn’t split your skull in half on the rocks below, although the intense throb in your right ankle says you didn’t make it out entirely unscathed. Thankfully it’s cold enough, and you’ve lost enough blood. The bitter ache of any broken bones seems dulled entirely.

You can see the fading lights of Dawn Winery in the distance, but you’ve lost your gamble. You have minutes left, at most. You close your eyes.

You’re going to die here, bleeding out in the snow. Pathetic. To survive the Abyss only to die like a drowned rat.

You’re tired. So, so tired.

Even in this unbearable cold you feel sleep calling you, soothing you from your wounds and fatigue.

It would be so easy, just to let go.

You open your mouth, but all that comes out is a drawn, shrill gasp, drowned out by the sound of the waterfall behind you. Fucking hell.

One chance. That’s all you have.

It takes tremendous effort to get your tongue in the right position. You suck in air desperately, flinching at the shock that travels up from your ribs, and blow.

It’s a weak sound, at first, but it’s all you have.

Luckily, her hearing is better than any human’s.

It takes… twenty seconds, maybe. Thirty at most. You hear her shrieks overhead, having spotted her prey. But she’s no ordinary bird. You’re thankful for that, at least.

She vanishes again, and you’re left alone in the snow.

You jolt, startled. You nearly fell asleep. But you can’t. Not now. Just a little longer.

It feels like an eternity. You can’t feel your hands or feet anymore. All that’s left is a dull ache, and each breath you take feels like an enormous amount of effort.

In. Out. In. Out. Stay awake. Stay awake.

Finally, there’s a murmur of voices, the thumping of feet along the ground. Hands coming up to lift you from the snowy bank. You can’t focus well. Spots dance beneath your eyelids, and your breathing feels fluttery and faint.

“Stay awake, now,” One of the voices whispers. You’d know it anywhere. The warmth, the scent. Diluc.

‘Sorry’ you want to say. The words don’t come. Nothing comes, after that. Just darkness.

#hoping this will be posted very soon y’all #also subject to change because i’m still undecided about some things #wyvernne’s ramblings #diluc ragnvindr #genshin fanfic #diluc fanfic #genshin impact #diluc ragnvindr fanfiction #dottore #hurt/comfort #cw: violence

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egberts · 10 months

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i hope you take this as the genuine question it is and not someone trolling or trying to be obtuse. i think i just spent about an hour writing this! 😅 i am fat, i first learned about and “became a part of” so to speak the body positive/fat liberation community my senior year in high school (8 years ago now). i cannot stress enough how much this question is coming from a well meaning place i just am curious your thoughts on it.

(re:girl dinner)

when we talk about body positivity, it’s understood your health is not determined by your size, no one can look at you and determine how healthy you are. your health, as well as the amount of food you eat, also has no bearing on your moral character. eating a conventially unhealthy amount of food doesn’t give anyone the right to try and shame or silence you, no matter their personal feelings or discomfort for various reasons (“you’re glorifying an unhealthy lifestyle!!” etc).

these principles are not even a question, so why do they not apply to people eating smaller quantities of food? why is the knee jerk reaction to call out how unhealthy it is and how they’re glorifying an unhealthy lifestyle and encouraging others to do the same, especially when that’s what fat people have been accused of forever? it seems so, so disconnected from and counter productive to the entire point of liberation from societal body/diet standards.

if it’s purely concern for the possible encouraging or egging on of harmful eating behaviors, even that could be said to go both ways. i struggle with binge eating disorder and have horrendous troubles with impulse control. to the point that concepts like intuitive eating would leave somebody like me lying in pain on the floor after a triggered binge. i know i personally have to be careful with what i eat because trigger foods could end with me sick. yet how downright inappropriate would it be to make that the problem of someone just enjoying a larger meal? someone who goes about their diet in a different way and has different limits than me? or god forbid even just also struggling with binging!? i mean, underlying eating disorder or not, whether they eat that way frequently or not, none of these things really make it okay regardless to comment on how much someone’s eating or propose that showing the amount of food they eat is not okay.

something i personally have had struggles with in my journey of self acceptance and navigating life in a marginalized body is having to unpack the aspects, and what i believed to be values, of my body positivity that i clung to for reasons that weren’t truly in line with fat liberation. so much of my activism was just me serving my insecurities because i hadn’t truly worked through them yet. just remember to check in on yourself sometimes and really dig into the root of some of the values you hold and make sure they’re coming from a place that’s beneficial.

tldr; someone showing off their small meal is fundamentally and healthwise no different from someone showing off their large meal. neither is inherently bad nor good, it just is. so why do we show double standards(on an across the board principle)?

I cannot stress enough just how flawed your comparison of fat people existing to people promoting two almonds and some water as "girl" dinner is not the same thing. yes, fat people are ACCUSED of glorifying disordered eating, but they are not actually doing that. people who use the term "girl" dinner are actively linking the act of eating small amounts of food or no food at all with being a girl, that's the major takeaway from this discussion. this isn't about shaming big meals vs small meals, either. this is about calling out actually actively advocating for eating nothing for dinner and going to bed. nobody is looking at the thin people promoting girl dinner and calling them out for being unhealthily skinny, we're calling them out for promoting not eating, which is something your body needs to do to function or your brain will shrivel up and you'll die. "girl dinner" is a depression meal, it's food when you can't afford groceries, it's a snack between something more substantial. also, how can you actually come to me and think that defending the slippery slope into eating disorders is a logical thing to do? tiktok is full of teenagers, dude, somebody needs to tell them that it's not fucking healthy to eat a slice of cheese and nothing else for dinner. this also isn't about shaming people at home living their personal lives and eating what they can to get by, this is about people actively posting to thousands of young impressionable followers that it's cool and fun to eat nothing, and in some cases it's literally being used to justify weight loss and being skinny. I would legitimately be just as critical about this if it was fat people eating piles of donuts and calling it lard dinner. but ultimately none of this even matters to either of us, I'm not going on tiktok and telling the teenagers that they're learning dumb shit, I'm not going and personally calling out the women responsible for corrupting a harmless trend, I'm just here sitting on my couch giving my opinion on my blog, and while you might not be on your couch you are certainly here giving your opinion in my ask box, at the end of the day we are just two clowns honking around 🤡

#genuinely mean no offense anon but i stand behind saying your logic is incredibly flawed #long post #tw disordered eating #ed tw

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carolinahope · 1 month

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I was right about the double whamy of a cliffhanger. And about the ceremony taking all of 5 minutes of the episode. But that's about it.

They better not kill Bobby off. His whole spiel at the beginning felt like the last montage of a series finale. Not like the penultimate episode of an already renewed show. He is the heart of the 118. And he still has so much to give. Seeing the guilt eating him up again was heartbreaking. Neither Buck nor Eddie nor Athena and even Hen are not in a place where they could lose him. Athena trying to help backfiring and causing harm is so sad. But it felt very understandable from Amir's perspective. That he would spiral after all these years at seeing Bobby's seemingly perfect life. But at least we got a scene with Maddie and Athena.

And poor Hen and Karen and Mara and Denny. I know grief can make people do stupid things but that woman is just plain cruel. But I loved the scene at Casa Buckley-Han.

And Eddie, my poor boy. He really stepped into it now. I was hoping for at least one feelings realization by the end of the season. But Buddie aside, I really wonder how they plan on getting out of the hole they dug for Eddie and themselves. Unless getting out is planned for S08. And in the last episode we are only digging a little deeper. But this should at least lead to the nun being gone *fingers crossed*

I still think Eddie calling Shannon the love of his life is part of the problem. And he won't be able to move on until he acknowledges it, that he is remembering and wishing for what-ifs. I'm not sure what Kim did was the healthiest but Ryan killed it as always when he can really sink his teeth into Eddie's emotions. I'm confused and scared. And I can't even think about the Christopher of it all.

I loved the talk Buck had with Eddie and the way Buck approached it. With so much care and worry and support. And Eddie opening up. They are so perfect for each other. They are not in the right place yet to see it. But we are getting closer.

I do fear the last episode more than ever. I would like to trust the process but I think I will need to borrow some trust till next Thursday.

#Buddie #Buck/Eddie #Evan 'Buck' Buckley #Eddie Diaz #Evan Buckley #Ryan Guzman #Bobby Nash #Henrietta 'Hen' Wilson #Karen Wilson #Denny Wilson #9-1-1 #911 abc #911 on abc #7x09 Ashes Ashes #Athena Grant

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versutusdea · 10 days

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hello everyone! my name is fey (23, est), and i’m currently looking to pick up some more writing partners interested in any of the fandoms listed below. i typically prefer to write on discord, though i could be persuaded to try other platforms as well. beneath the cut, you’ll find more information in regards to my rules, things i’m looking for, etc. ☆

IMPORTANT INFORMATION:

01. first and foremost, i will only write with those who are older than 20 years of age. this is for my own comfort, and its a boundary that is very much set in stone!

02. i don’t generally prefer to write smut-centered threads. if that’s all you’re interested in doing, then we’re probably not the best match! it’s certainly not something i’m averse to writing every once in a while and if appropriate, but i do not write smut for the sake of writing smut. i’d much rather prefer to focus on character development and world building!

03. please understand that i am currently in college full time, and am not always able to be as active as i’d like. i also work full time during the summer months! i do try to be around as much as possible, but sometimes life gets in the ways. i always strive to be as informative as possible if there are instances where i’m not going to be around as frequently. if you’re expecting 2-3 thread replies weekly, i’m probably not the person for you.

04. i looooove chatting with my partners about our plots! expect me to send loads of headcanons, pinterest boards, playlists, etc. i get really super enthusiastic about the characters i’m writing, and i’m equally as invested in those my partners are writing as well! it might take me a bit to warm up to you and gauge just how annoying i'm allowed to be, but we'll get there! if you’d prefer not to talk much ooc for whatever reason, do let me know, and i’ll absolutely lay off the gas.

05. i am doubling / mumu friendly. though it isn't necessary, i've always felt that the more, the merrier! it’s just important to remember that with my busy schedule, more threads may mean that it takes me a bit longer to reply. i’m always making an effort to give every character equal attention, and never want anyone feeling neglected. this does not mean i will not double up, of course, especially if that’s your preference! i just don’t want to set any unrealistic expectations.

FANDOMS & CHARACTERS:

game of thrones : sansa stark, daenerys targaryen

harry potter : hermione granger, ron weasley, newt scamander

the hunger games : katniss everdeen, haymitch abernathy, lucy gray baird

star wars : padmé amidala, ahsoka tano, obi–wan kenobi, leia organa, cassian andor

avatar the last airbender : katara, sokka, aang

dune : paul atreides, chani kynes

percy jackson : annabeth chase, nico di angelo

i will not write things like incest, age gaps (nor will i age up characters if there would otherwise be an age gap), etc. i also do not write smut with characters that are minors regardless of whether or not they are aged up. sorry! again, i'm fine with doubling up as well. ships can be mxf, mxm, or fxf. i’m open to most ideas, so feel free to suggest whatever’s on your mind and i’ll let you know if it’s something i’d be into trying! also, our pairings don’t have to be romantic! i loooove writing platonic stuff as much as i do romantic. currently, i'd prefer to do strictly cc x cc pairings. depending on the themes of the plot, i ask that characters be aged up to be 18+.

if any of this sounds like something you’d be interested in, leave a like on this post and i’ll reach out to you as soon as i’m able! please do not dm me first, as this will make it more difficult for me to keep track of everything.

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tetrakys · 10 months

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Are we all secretly Argentinian? A brief history of VPN in Beemoov's fandom

Once upon a time, when only High School Life and maybe Eldarya TO were out, players were able to choose their own bank when making a purchase on the games websites. Some banks were extremely cheap compared to others, the cheapest of all being Argentina. This from the perspective of people living in other countries. As an example:

2800 Gold coins were worth 39€ or 49$ or 400 ARS 400 ARS were the equivalent of 27$ in 2016.

So, clearly, anyone given the chance would spend less with such a big discount. And the chance was indeed given, since it was easy to just select another country's bank on the website.

Fast-forward a few years, the option to choose a bank was removed, and people could only use the bank associated to the country they were connecting from. It didn’t take much time for people to realise that it was enough to change IP via a VPN to make the games think you were connecting from Argentina and still access its bank. Additionally, Argentinian's currency was getting more and more devaluated in time and prices were never really adjusted at the bank. So, those 2800 Gold which were worth 400ARS or 27$ in 2016, were now worth 11$ in 2019.

This VPN trick has been around for years now. Not all players were aware of course, and not everyone was comfortable in using a VPN or able to. But still, quite a lot of people were doing so. Some of them even made a business out of it, recharging other people's accounts using a VPN and taking a fee for their "service".

Fast-forward again, to 2022. The VPN trick escalated, the secret was not that much of a secret anymore, especially because people were freely talking about it everywhere, Discord, Facebook, all social media really, even TikTok videos were made explaining how to do it. Very simply, too many people were using it. Consequently, Beemoov worked on it and managed to remove Argentina's bank from most VPNs for people playing from Europe and North America. (NOT South America, as I vaguely remember it was mentioned that they were trying to protect the Argentinians living in nearby countries). This led to a crazy uproar, mostly from the biggest fandom affected, the French one. People were leaving tons of messages on all socials demanding the reinstatement of Argentina, and also sending curses and death threats to Beemoov employees. The most recurrent message was of people outraged that the company had blocked VPNs without telling their players and demanding dialogue and compromise. On the other hand, Beemoov replied that VPNs were never a functionality of the games, and they don't need to discuss it with players.

Approximate translation of Beemoov's official reply (neither French nor English are my mother tongues so feel free to double check):

"Goodmorning. The use of VPN isn't a functionality offered by the game, just like it isn't normal use of the game to circumvent the base tariffs. Thus it's normal and logic that the company would put a stop at this technique. (Without having to communicate it since it's not a functionality of the game that we are retiring or modifying, but the exploitation of a fallacy.) The tariffs that each country pays are established according to their buying power. Of the 2 euros payment that can be done by the players via VPN Argentina, the company only earns a few cents. And with just a few cents it's clearly impossible to cover the costs of the episodes production and business costs in general, pay our employees, and create new content for our players. Under these conditions, it's certain that the company would eventually go bankrupt. (Like many of you wish, but us not that much.) To give you a less abstract example, it's as if someone would accept to see their salary of 1329 euros (minimum wage, for example) drop to 44 euros. Do you think this person would be able to live without any problem? We are sorry if our base tariffs are not convenient for you and we understand that they are not accessible to all of our players, but these are what allow the company to survive and to make new content. Of course like in all free-to-play games you are not obliged to pay and you always have the possibility of playing for free (and this is thanks to the players who pay the normal price)."

Fast forward again to this year, August 2023. The economic crisis in Argentina has led to high inflation and 22% devaluation of currency. All businesses have had to up their prices, including Beemoov. Those 2800 gold coins that used to be worth 400 ARS ~ 27$ in 2016, and then 11$ in 2019? Are now worth 1.14$. Beemoov has had to up the prices and now these are costed at 6,800 ARS (or 19.43$), an increment of 17 times its original value (but still less than the 2016 dollar equivalent).

Consequently, we have seen now the rest of the fandom, the part that hadn't been affected one year ago, going ballistic. And the same kind of threats and complaints that were posted last year by the European fandom are now posted by the American fandom. One would assume that only the Argentinians are complaining, rightfully so, since they are the ones directly affected. But actually most of the complaints come from people living elsewhere who were either using VPNs for their own benefit or created a business out of it.

(these are from 4 different people I found with just a 5 minutes search, we really live in a capitalist dream lmao)

Additionally, people have been upset about the company's reply. This message has been circulating in several social media, and people wonder if it's true or fake.

I don't know who originally posted so I can't say if it's true or not. (Personally I tend to believe it is.)

(Using Google translate here because I don't know a word of Portuguese, so please correct me if this is wrong.)

"To be fair, Latin America is far from our biggest customer, but that's not the point. Beemoov was forced to take action after numerous abuses by players (and in particular 80% of purchases from Brazil) using VPNs to connect to Argentina and take advantage of this country's poor financial situation to buy APs and other in-game currencies. The few players currently residing in Argentina are unfortunately affected by the situation and we are very sorry, but we could not remain inactive in the face of a fraud of this magnitude that puts the company's sustainability at risk (payment of employees, office rent, work equipment, taxes, creation of new content, etc... Each of these must be paid in euros following the French currency - as we are located in France)."

People have been particularly offended by that "LATAM isn't our biggest customer" which isn't hate, it's a fact. Despite the LATAM fandom being big (second only to France by number of players), the currencies of all the countries involved are worth less than euros, and that's why it can't be the biggest client, it's just math.

Some math below for who is interested, but feel free to skip: For example 1300 gold are costed 200 in mexican pesos which is 10.7 euros. Similarly this same amount of gold is 30BRL in Brazil, which translates to 1.6 euros. Compared, 1300 gold in France are costed 19 euros. (On top of these there are also bank fees and currency exchange fees). This means that, if no one were using VPN, it would take two mexican players for Beemoov to earn the same amount as they earn from a French player. And even more, 12 Brazillian players to pay what they get from one single French player. (Again, I'm not considering bank fees, so these numbers should actually be higher). Of course this is just an example on one single purchase. It's not representative of the whole bank. But with some very hacky math, approximately I think that LATAM doesn't contribute to more than a quarter of Beemoov's revenue (and keep in mind that for the past year LATAM could use Argentina VPN and Europe couldn't). Of course, again, this is veeeery approximate, but I remember Brazil wasn't included in Uncoven, so I think that if they are cutting another bank in the future it might be that one. This is not the case for New Gen of course since we know Brazillian is one of the languages included.

So, where are we now?

VPNs are still being used of course, not Argentina but other countries (mostly Brazil, Turkey, and a few others). I don't think there's any stopping VPNs for good in the old games, but I'm pretty confident the company might've found a way for New Gen.

What do I think of all this?

These up here are facts. Now my personal opinion is that things aren't that black and white. I totally agree with the fact that the company has expenses and needs to pay salaries of their employees etc etc. At the same time it's also true that for whatever business when a product is faulty prices are lowered. Eldarya ANE has not the same quality as the other games, prices should reflect that but they don't. Similarly, some episodes are released very bugged, and people have to replay 3, 4, 5 times to get the illustration they would've been able to get in one playthrough and should be compensated for that. In Moonlight Lovers there was a crazy bug for more than a year, me and the friends I made guides with had to replay each episode at least 5-8 times. I don't even want to try to estimate the amount of money I wasted on that game otherwise I would curl in a ball and cry. The company should've provided compensation to us and all the players who played Moonlight Lovers during that year, but they didn't. So when episodes are bugged and people have to replay many times I see VPNs as morally justified.

But bugs asides, the point is that if VPNs were used only a few times, and only by those players who really would not be able to play otherwise, then nothing would've happened. But as always, when something is abused the "authorities" try to put a stop to it. (Because really it's crazy that a middle-class European via VPN spends only a few cents on each episode and then expects to see more content. This isn't only fraud against the company, but also disrespectful toward the players who pay full price and allow the games to keep existing.)

However, I want to end this post with a positive message, if anyone made it this far it's earned. During my deep dive in the fandom to write this post, I saw that the trolls, the haters, the death and violence threats against Beemoov workers or other players, the wishes to see the company go bankrupt and everyone left without a job, all these came from Europeans and Americans alike. Seeing all these curses and threats in english, french, spanish, brazillian portuguese etc warmed my heart. There is no racism when it comes to hate, humanity sucks everywhere 💕

#beemoov #eldarya #my candy love #mcl #peggy's corner

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