#none of this flashback to getting OUT??? bullshit???

[glossysoap]

just wanna be yours ; ghost

tags/featuring: fem reader, misogyny, unwanted advances, reader experiencing what literally every fem presenting person experiences on a daily basis, ghost protecting reader, ghost drinks respect women juice, simp ghost, smut, multiple orgasms. very first cod piece so excuse any mischaracterization 👍

notes: italics are flashbacks.

playlist: i wanna be yours - arctic monkeys, will be linked as well

word count: 3,257

Your senses are overwhelmed by Simon and Simon only.

Tears pricked at your eyes and you panted with every thrust of his hips. It took every ounce of your willpower not to let out obscene moans when he hit a particularly sensitive spot.

“No, no, no. none of that. You’re gonna let out every single moan and fucking whimper,” Simon growled, biting against your shoulder.

It all started when Graves directed his attention towards you.

Now, Simon couldn’t blame him because he didn’t want to become official with your relationship yet. He insisted that it was because he didn’t want you to get hurt, but since you work on the same team, you’re going to get hurt regardless.

So, to the rest of the team, you were completely available. Soap would throw in some harmless flirting from time to time but that was nothing compared to Phillip Graves, who would constantly ask you out on dates or comment about your love life.

Soap’s harmless flirting also never made you uncomfortable or scared, unlike Graves’ whorish attempts that always put a pit in your stomach. Thankfully though, Graves’ attempts at pursuing you were always slyly shot down or interrupted by Ghost.

Whenever you asked him why he would interfere constantly, he would stick with the same bullshit answer, “I can’t have him distracting you on the job.” You would scoff and roll your eyes, and he would let you because it was easier than telling you the truth. That he blocked any of Graves’ advances towards you because he’s in love with you. That he needs you in his life more than he needs the very air in his lungs. That he can’t breathe at the thought of you getting hurt.

He convinces himself that you’re safer if you’re not in a relationship with him. He convinces himself that if he lets you into his heart, a target will be painted on your back.

So he resigned himself to loving you from afar. That was good enough for him. As long as he could protect you and your friendship, he would be alright with not loving you openly.

Protecting you meant that every single time Graves approached you with that slimy grin, Ghost wasn’t far behind - ready to cut Graves off and shield you from his unwanted attention. He is hot on Graves’ heels the second he sees your eyes widen a fraction or your breath quicken. Ghost’s hackles rose the most when he sees the tale tell sign of an oncoming panic attack; you picking at the skin around your nails, leaving them raw and bloody.

Wherever Graves struck up a conversation with you and Ghost was in your vicinity, the Lieutenant would bark a command to some poor recruit. His loud, booming voice would simultaneously distract Graves and pull your attention back to your Lieutenant. Just the way Ghost liked it.

Other times, he would make up tasks for you that involve following him to his office or to the gym. Or following him to literally anywhere that Graves wasn’t. He might tell you that he’s having trouble with documents so he needs you to follow him to his office. He might say that Price called a meeting, when in fact, he never called one at all.

This was one of those times. Ghost was in the gym doing deadlifts when he heard Graves’s grating voice peeking out from his headphones. He tried to ignore it as he kept pumping the weights and pushing his limit, but to no avail.

“I mean, I see you around here all alone, and I just think it’s such a waste.” Ghost hears as he turns his headphones off. He waited a moment to hear whoever Graves was flirting with, if you could even call it that.

Ghost continued lifting the weight, jaw ticking when he heard your timid and shaky voice respond, “That’s nice of you to say, but—,” before Graves rudely cut you off.

“I could treat you—,” Graves was interrupted by Ghost dropping his iron weight on the padded floor, letting it bounce loudly. Graves was jolted from the conversation immediately and his eyes flashed to Ghost, who was now striding over to the two of you.

Your anxious demeanor calmed immediately once Ghost approached Graves, now replaced with a mixture of nerves and excitement. You knew Ghost had a possessive nature about him but no matter what, he would always put your safety first. And the second he noticed that anxious look on your face, or the way your eyes glanced toward the exit door as if planning an escape? His instincts went into overdrive, to not only claim what was his, but to protect what was his.

“Can I help you with something, Lieutenant?” Graves asked, annoyed that he was interrupted. He crossed his arms as he stared back at Ghost, who was now only standing a few feet from the two of you.

“You can, as a matter of fact.” Ghost replied cooly, without missing a beat. He spared a single glance at your nervous figure and without any hesitation, waved you over to stand next to him. You obeyed immediately, moving to stand behind the brooding soldier as he held his arm out to protect you.

As you eagerly took your spot behind him, your eyes grazed over him. You gulped, watching as his arms flexed and his veins bulged as his hands balled into fists.

You could tell he was getting agitated.

“What you can do is take a fuckin’ hint and leave her alone.” Ghost shot back.

Graves scoffs.

“And how exactly does this concern you, Riley?” The American shot back with a roll of his eyes, which Ghost didn’t take too kindly to.

“It concerns me because you can’t take no for a fucking answer, you piece of-” Ghost spat, taking a step further until he was in Graves’ face.

You reached for Ghost’s shoulder and tried to pull him away. You would love nothing more than for him to put Graves in his place, but you knew Ghost would get punished as well for getting into an altercation.

“Okay, LT. I think he gets the point. You get the point, don’t you, Graves?” You narrowed your eyes at the American, daring him to go any further.

“Sure do. I’m sorry, it won’t happen again! I assure you.” He scrambled, his southern drawl breaking as he apologized. He looked back and forth between you and Ghost, gauging his reaction.

“Okay, great! Then why don’t we get out of here?” Without waiting for Ghost’s response, you dragged him out of the gym and away from Graves.

You kept dragging him by his wrist all the way to the showers, his boots hitting the pavement behind you.

“You know I appreciate it when you do that but you’re just gonna get yourself in trouble one of these days.” You muttered as you put your locker combination in for a change of clothes. He waited patiently next to you, studying your face while you opened your locker. You could feel his gaze burning into you.

“I’ll deal with that if it comes to it.” He waved your concerns off. You sigh at his nonchalant attitude, grabbing your towel and change of clothes.

“Not if, when, Ghost. You keep putting yourself in positions like that and Shepherd will have you on probation. Especially for something stupid like that..” You mumbled the last sentence under your breath as you slammed your locker. You turned to walk away from him only to have him grab your wrist and pull you close to him.

Impossibly close.

“Defending you from that pervert is anything but fucking stupid. I can’t stand how he makes you feel. How you tuck tail and freeze whenever he talks to you. I see that.” He grounds out. His hand moves from your wrist to hold the small of your back, bringing you flush against his chest. His dark eyes bored into yours, you couldn’t look away even if you wanted to.

“I see how scared you are, even if you don’t want to admit it. Even if you don’t wanna accept my help. I’m always going to be there.” He almost growls, his other hand moving to cup your cheek. His thumb traced small circles on your skin.

“I will always protect you.”

“Why?” You shot back, fire burning in your eyes. He visibly recoiled at the rare sight of your glossy eyes glaring daggers at him. He was so accustomed to two expressions from you: The first being your bright eyes, crinkling at the edges from laughing so hard at some dumb joke of his. The second being your face contorted in pleasure, throwing your head back as he pulled orgasm after orgasm from you.

“Why do you care so much? You’ve made it clear that you only want something physical and I’m trying to respect that, I really am.” You blink at the rapidly building tears in your eyes, forcing your emotions down. You refused to break down in front of him, not when you knew how this would end.

You knew that he would brush off your feelings as just a lust fueled crush that would pass any day now.

“But you make it so fucking hard.” Every word that comes out of your mouth is like a punch to the gut for Ghost. He can hear the pain in your voice and he hates that he’s the cause of it.

“One day, you tell me that we can’t keep doing this because it’s a distraction for you. The next day, you’re showing up on your white horse to ‘defend my honor’.” You use your index fingers to make quotations in the air while you spoke the last three words. You’re animated as you rant, waving your hands and raising your eyebrows. It was clear as day that you’d been holding this feeling in for a long time.

“So which one is it? Do you want me or not?” Ghost felt his heart sink when your voice broke. You were at your breaking point, he knew that. You were done playing games. He knew that if he wasn’t honest right here and now, you would end this arrangement for good. He would never get to feel your soft skin under his callused fingertips or have your soft moans hit his ears.

So being honest is exactly what he would do.

“What kind of question is that? Do I want you? You.. you consume every thought in my head. Every room I walk into, you are the first person I look for.” He speaks every word so slow and languidly, leaning down closer to you. He moves the hand that was on your face down to your back so that both of his large hands were splayed across your back.

“You occupy every fucking inch of space in my soul. I cannot breathe when you’re not near me. Of course I fucking want you.” He shouts, his voice echoing off of the lockers.

You jolt a bit in surprise and your eyes widen in shock and disbelief. You bite your lip to keep it from trembling as your mind races.

“That’s a sick fucking joke, Ghost.” You almost whisper, stomach feeling like lead as you avoid his gaze. There’s no way. There’s just no fucking way he would ever feel the same way about you, not after he adamantly denied it time after time. Not after he made the two of you promise that your arrangement would always be no-strings-attached.

“You don’t believe me?” He scoffs in your ear, his hands still sending tingles down your spine. He didn’t wait for your response before moving closer, so close that you could feel his warm breath on your neck.

“That’s fine. I’ll make you believe me.”

That’s how you ended up here.

In your quarters, naked, moaning and trembling under Simon as he thrusted into you. His big, rough hands were holding your thighs so your legs were pushed against your chest, putting you in a mating press position.

Skin slapping against skin, your breasts bouncing with each thrust. Your face was contorted in pleasure, brows furrowed and mouth hung open. Simon’s face was buried in your neck, grunting as his cock was squeezed by your tight cunt. Your cunt was sopping wet, your juices soaking his cock and mixing with his seed.

His mouth went to work on claiming you as his, for everyone to see. Licking, sucking and biting on the span of your neck, painting it with teeth indentations like a necklace.

When he got to your jugular, he bit hard. You let out a particularly loud moan at the mix of pain and ecstasy. You could feel him smirk against your neck.

“Atta’ girl.” He praised, angling his hips to thrust even deeper.

“Oh God!” Your eyes rolled back as he hit the spongey spot over and over, the knot in your stomach unraveling as you came on his cock. That would make your first of many orgasms of the night.

“Just me, love.” He muttered, pressing a wet kiss against the skin of your collarbone. The pet name fell from his lips so effortlessly, so naturally. You were too deep in your fucked-out state to even notice him use that name for you.

“I’m gonna ask you again. Do you believe me?” He asks, reaching two fingers down to toy at your swollen clit. Your juices mixed with his cum made obscene wet sounds as he rubbed the bundle of nerves. You cried out, still so sensitive as he rubbed mercilessly, not giving you even a moment of reprieve. His hips continued thrusting against your sweet spot. You could already feel the warmth in your stomach build again.

“I asked you a question. Do you believe me?” He demanded, slowing his thrusts so you would be able to respond.

You shook your head. It was small, but he noticed it all the same.

He clenched his jaw, and decided on a change of plans. He would fuck you until you believed him. He would pull every orgasm from you until you believed that he loved you. Every last drop.

So he hiked your legs up even further, ankles by his ears, and began pistoning into your swollen entrance. Your breath got knocked out of your chest from him hitting your cervix, only to turn into a wail as he slapped your abused clit, over and over.

Your second orgasm washed over you in waves, cunt squeezing around him and making him groan in pleasure. He fucked you through your high, rubbing your clit until your orgasm died down. By now, his happy trail was painted with your cum.

He never pulled out though. Instead, he stayed sheathed inside your warm pussy and pressed kisses to your ankle that was still hiked up on his shoulder. He watched your blissed out face as you came down from your high, admiring your parted lips and furrowed brows. Your chest heaved as you panted, reminiscent of how your breasts bounced just moments before.

“How ‘bout now, huh?” He murmured against your ankle, dark eyes trained on your face. Your eyes opened after a moment, still a bit unfocused from two consecutive orgasms. You still looked up at him through your lashes, eyes all glossy and pupils blown from lust.

His eyes peered into yours, almost daring you to shake your head again. He almost wanted you to, truth be told. That would mean he would get to coax more toe curling orgasms from his girl.

You rolled your eyes just a fraction and let out a scoff. To others it might’ve sounded like a pant or just an exhale, but he was perfectly attuned to every noise and expression you ever make. He knew it was a scoff of denial and doubt.

“So fucking stubborn.” He growls deep in his chest, wrapping his arms around you to manhandle you as he wished. You let out a yelp as he completely changed positions.

With your cunt still squeezed around his cock, he sat back and pulled you into his lap with your legs wrapped around his waist. Your cunt was now damn near impaled on his cock, feeling impossibly full of his cum. He didn’t let you set the pace though, no. He was in control and you knew it, if the pathetic whimpers falling out of your mouth were anything to go by.

He palmed at your ass with his large hands, feeling your hips instinctively grind down as you immediately moaned against his shoulder. Hands grasping and clawing at his back, desperate to find purchase as you bounced on his cock. With every bounce, he met it with an equally strong thrust into your cunt. Every thrust hit your g-spot just right, making the knot in your stomach tighten for a third time.

Your hips instinctively bucked towards the source of the mind numbing pleasure, grinding yourself on his cock. You let out needy whines with every sway of your hips. Every sound that fell from your lips was like music to his fucking ears.

Once you started building your own rhythm, he took his opportunity to remove one hand from your ass and use it to reach down past your stomach, and torture that swollen bundle of nerves once more.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck—,” You babbled, slumped against his chest. Your throat was raw with how much you’ve been moaning, whining, screaming in ecstasy. Your nails were leaving red scratch marks across his back and he would wear them with pride.

You squeezed painfully tight around his cock and he knew you were so close, teetering on the edge, and you just needed some encouragement.

“Come on, give it to me. I know you can do it, love.” He murmured right by your ear, his husky accented voice sending shivers down your spine.

He rubbed your clit a few more times as he leaned down a bit to bite your neck, growling into the skin.

The knot in your stomach broke and your mouth fell open in a silent scream as your third orgasm cascaded over you. You squirted onto him and milked his cock for every bit of cum it was worth, making him moan into your neck.

He felt warm puffs of air hit his shoulder as you panted in exhaustion. He reached up to cradle your head and stroke your hair.

“You believe me now? You believe that I love you with every fiber of my being? Because I do. And if you want me to, I’ll spend every waking moment proving it to you. No matter what. Whether that means protecting you and making sure you feel safe, or worshipping you like the goddess you are, I’ll do it. Whatever it takes.” He pressed a kiss to the crown of your head.

“That sounds good.” He heard you mumble sleepily against his chest. He chuckled, relief flooding his chest because you were giving him a chance.

bonus:

“…You know I believed you the first time right? Just wanted to see how many times you could go.” You mumbled as you laid against his chest.

You felt his chest rumble with laughter at your admission.

“You little fucking minx.”

©️ glossysoap 2024. please do not steal, copy, plagiarize, translate, or repost any of my works without my permission. do not steal any elements of my theme without permission. you can use this work as a scriptfill for gonewildaudios as long as you credit me and link me.

🏷️: @viylikescats @warenai @briacreations96 @fullmoon-94 @breadboyye @kiroshang @zvdvdlvr @lunitalloronaa @itzzjxlyn @lonely-ofc @m0rganit3 @badbishsblog @wolfyland07 @angelsdemonsmonsters @unkn0wnd3ad @itstokyo-cos @c1rice @venusianlustt @bugonawall @blackrose4242

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 424: Detroit Tears

Previously on BnHA: You know what, fandom is way too heated about this still so we’re just going to leave that be that for now and not get involved. I have some conflicted feelings about it, but this is not the place or time. This is a happy post.

Today on BnHA: Oh right, Horikoshi still owns the rights to my soul. And I’ve just been reminded of why I willingly signed them over to him so freely.

Quick heads up that this isn’t going to be my usual style of chapter reaction post, in that it’s really just going to be a ton of rambling about That One Scene. Partly because I’m only halfway caught up with stuff, but mostly because tbh, this is the only thing that matters to me right at this moment.

Also this is your friendly neighborhood spoiler warning that I’m posting about a chapter which hasn’t officially been released yet! So proceed at your own discretion. This reaction is based on @pikahlua’s excellent spoiler translation writeup here. I’ve officially lost all of my fucks about spoilers and it’s extremely liberating.

I’m glad that Kacchan’s arm isn’t just magically better and that he’s never going to be 100% again. and also that the doctor mentions him needing to rest his heart as well. because I did feel like there needed to be at least a few lasting consequences from him LITERALLY DYING AND UNDERGOING OPEN-HEART SURGERY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BATTLEFIELD. but I’m also glad they established that it wasn’t career-ending or anything. he’ll probably have some chronic pain and occasionally aggravate his old injuries while fighting, all of which is great for angst purposes. but it was good to see him being calmly accepting of that while also being determined to put the work in to rehab it as much as possible.

also enjoyed the doctor summing up Kacchan’s highly improbable main character resurrection and subsequent antics as basically being some wild bullshit that nobody can explain. lampshaded the shit out of it. “I don’t really understand” lol. nobody understands. in truth it’s that his secondary quirk is bending reality to his will in order to kick ass.

moving on to the main event now! so Kacchan and Izuku’s reunion was obviously the highlight of this chapter and of my life, probably. I’m not gonna sit here and pretend like it wasn’t. y’all know how it is.

what really made this scene for me was Kacchan being more upset at Izuku’s loss than Izuku himself. all those callbacks and all that guilt. that careful selection of flashback panels. the fact that Kacchan’s past bullying of the quirkless Izuku wasn’t glossed over or forgotten, and in fact is the emotional core that fuels Kacchan’s reaction here. Horikoshi didn't have to cut that deep, but he knows what he's about.

and then the crying. I need to write a lot of words about this right the fuck now. first off, having Kacchan just flat out sob while Izuku for once is the calm one (at least until All Might goes in for the emotional kill later on), is such a beautiful reversal and really shows how far they’ve come. even better is that none of it was even remotely out of character. I’m always appreciative when an author can produce top tier emotional hurt/comfort like this and have it feel earned and authentic rather than forced. well done.

also, “Na--cchan!!” fuck yeah Izuku. we’ll never let him live this down. (but also, him later trying to reconcile his forever-tough image of Kacchan with the crying, hiccupping version standing in front of him, by blaming it on Kacchan’s weakened physical state... oh, Izuku.)

also the fact that Kacchan so easily reverts to this smol crying boy even after defeating the world’s greatest evil pretty much activated every protective instinct that I have. he’s seventeen. he’s practically a man now. he’s objectively one of the strongest and toughest people in the entire world. and yet his eyes still go so wide and his face is still so young and Horikoshi still draws him so tiny and vulnerable whenever he’s like this. goddamn gets me EVERY single time. let’s be real, it’s been this way ever since the “you looked like you needed saving” scene back in the literal first chapter. just, omg. he’s still just a kid and he’s too small to contain all these feelings SOMEONE HELP HIM.

anyway so NEEDLESS TO SAY, Kacchan full on mourning in between sobs because he wanted to keep being rivals with Izuku cut me to my core. I cried too, goddammit. because in Katsuki’s mind it’s like. he wasted a dozen years of potential friendship by being a giant asshole. and they were only able to start getting things back on track less than a year ago. and that was probably the best year of both of their lives. and that rivalry meant so much to both of them. pursuing their dreams together as equals. and he wanted it to continue!! he missed out on so much, and it was his own damn fault, and now it’s all being taken away again maybe!!

and I think it’s especially devastating to Katsuki because he was trying so hard to make up for how he treated Izuku, and then this comes along and now he’s worried it was all for nothing. he’s scared that Izuku will maybe have to quit being a hero. (we know that won’t happen, obviously, but Katsuki is living this and not just reading it. he’s never met narrator!Deku and doesn’t have the benefit of all that foreshadowing and stuff.) but even more than that, I think he’s scared that it will undo all of their progress toward mending their relationship. not because Katsuki thinks any less of Izuku now, quirk or no quirk; but because of how Izuku might feel about being quirkless again, and because of the memories it might bring flooding back to the surface. I don’t think Katsuki fully believes that Izuku has forgiven him. so that’s a major fear potentially rearing its ugly head once more now.

and of course, he’s also just sad and upset on Izuku’s behalf, because he knows Izuku is sad about it too, even if he’ll never show it and will just downplay it because of his selfless nature. it’s a major loss, and one deserving of tears being shed, even if Izuku won’t shed any of his.

so yeah. it’s a lot. in Katsuki’s mind it’s the potential loss of a partner (if Izuku quits heroics), and a friend (if Izuku does cool toward Katsuki as a result of being quirkless again), and a dream (of them reaching the highest heights together), and his friend’s dream. so it makes perfect sense that all of that would overwhelm him. all of this is stuff that’s broken him down on past occasions as well.

so anyway it’s going be very cathartic when all those fears prove to be unfounded (because they better be unfounded lol). but in the meantime it’s a very moving reminder of how much he really does care and how far the both of them have come.

also Horikoshi really couldn’t resist giving Nobu one last chance to destroy everyone when this scene rolls up in the anime. that’s so reckless of him. there will be no survivors.

All Might telling both of them they’d become the greatest heroes was also the perfect chef’s kiss moment on top of everything else. we already knew it, of course. but it was good to hear him say it. and they needed him to say it. they needed and deserved to hear it.

and I really love that the qualities he specifically praised them for were the same things that each of them had struggled with the most in their respective journeys. he tells Izuku, who had such a difficult time learning how to tell the world “I am here!!”, that he inspires everyone and has become everyone’s hero. and he reminds Katsuki, who struggled with learning how to save people, and has especially struggled with his guilt over what happened to All Might at Kamino, that he saved All Might’s life and is the reason he’s able to still be there with them. both of them just really needed to hear that acknowledgement and encouragement, and it was such a powerful passing of the torch moment. All Might gets so much shit from the fandom, but he really is a phenomenal mentor when he’s in the zone, and I’ll die on that hill.

also a nice touch keeping the focus of those panels on the two boys and their reactions. even though I would have liked to see All Might’s face when he thanked them at the end, it definitely felt deliberate. this is their moment. their soft little tearful smiles afterwards punted my heart off a cliff and then picked it up and held it gently.

lastly, let it be known that I’m still convinced Katsuki has OFA (All Might vestige explanation when??), and it’s not lost on me that that would be a mighty convenient way for Izuku to potentially still go on a-quirkin’ in the end, if that’s how Horikoshi wants to play it. I'm just saying.

also before I forget, just a quick shoutout to Horikoshi for FINALLY showing all three members of the Bakufam in a scene together in which they finally managed to not be completely dysfunctional lol. my deepest darkest BnHA secret is that Mitsuki is secretly super high up on my list of favorite characters. and she was great in this chapter, and I love how she was just “WHAT THE FUCK” aghast at Katsuki using his main character powers to continuously ignore his injuries. and then she and Masaru kind of silently agreeing to step outside the room and let the boys and All Might have their moment. while still secretly listening in. because you know they were. good for them.

lastly for reals, I just want you all to remember that as great as this chapter was, the one thing that it was STILL missing which we have STILL not gotten is a HUG. we demand HUGS. I’m not leaving this manga till I get a bkdk hug goddammit. I will stay here all night if I have to.

[scuderiasundays]

the way i do

summary: holiday traditions lead to flashbacks of the right person he met at the wrong time 💌

words: 706

a/n: haven't written in ages but something compelled me to write this short piece (slightly inspired by "long live"). timely considering it’s taylor’s birthday! tagging @vamossainz55, @sainzcaleruega, @monzabee, and @silverstonesainz just because. any and all feedback much appreciated as always! hugs and kisses 🫶🏼

"Papa, who's this? The lady standing beside you?"

Isla, the spitting image of her father, looked up at Lando with those piercing blue-green eyes. With Christmas just around the corner, the Norris family honored their long-standing tradition of leafing through old photos together. A storied career and a blissful family life had amassed into a pile of scrapbooks as tall as young Isla herself.

Yet, Lando found himself taken aback as Isla's chubby pointer finger rested on a particular figure in the photo. This image, long tucked away in a box of sentimental keepsakes, hadn't seen the light of day in ages. He was captivated by the scene of pure elation, his champagne-soaked figure, and the look of admiration in her eyes. This was São Paulo 2023, his last podium in a tumultuous season. Coincidentally, it was the last time he laid eyes on her, though not by his own choosing.

-

The stakes were palpably high as the Formula 1 season drew to a close. Despite the heightened cheers from the crowd, the pressure bore down on Lando, almost devouring him whole. The two were similar in that way, devout believers in what Lando playfully termed a "don’t let them in, don’t let them see" mentality.

You had known for months that Lando wasn’t being upfront with you. You hadn’t been there as much as he desired in a season that had tested his belief in McLaren and, more importantly, his self-confidence. It resonated in his voice and his wandering gaze when he spoke of other drivers’ partners following them from race to race. Lando had always made it a point to acknowledge and champion your genuine passion for clinical genetics. You had been the one to introduce Lando to Girlstart, a nonprofit dedicated to exposing young girls to high-quality STEM experiences. Your heart grew twice its size as you watched him interact with the girls throughout the race weekend. However, it wasn't lost on you that, despite honoring your independence, half of his being yearned for the simplicity of going to bed and waking up beside you every day.

As the team gathered for a celebratory group photo, you entwined your fingers with his as you lined up in front of Lando's garage. Three reassuring squeezes, a habit from their early dating days when privacy was paramount. He squeezed right back. Mentally, you pledged to open up to him later, fully aware that you risked losing the person who mattered most.

-

You sat with him by the hotel pool, a glass of rosé in hand. You needed all the liquid courage you could get for what was about to ensue.

"What’s the matter?" Lando gently brushed a strand of hair out of your face.

"I need you to be honest with me, not just because I’m asking, but because you love me. Do you think this is working?"

"What kind of question is that, love?"

"I know this might seem out of the blue, but I’ve been contemplating this deeply, and I-." A single tear fell as you struggled to gather your thoughts.

"Hey, hey, hey. I already know what you’re about to say. It’s alright."

"You do?"

"I’ve had this strange feeling all weekend. Something about our connection and all." Your heart shattered as his eyes fell.

"I wonder if I’ll ever find a love like ours again," he said, his voice shaking.

"Oh, but you will, Lando. I just know it."

"Feels far-fetched at the moment."

He leaned into the crook of your neck, the cold metal of his necklaces laying against your skin.

"Are we consciously uncoupling right now?" you asked, seeing the faintest smile emerging on his lips.

"An amicable separation in every sense. None of that Hollywood bullshit."

-

Just one glance at that photo had transported Lando to that night so many years back. The years that had gone by allowed him to really take her image in. The way her eyes crinkled, the dimples he so loved, and the evident pride emanating as she cupped his face.

She must’ve really loved me, he thought to himself.

"That’s Y/N, darling. Someone special who made daddy smile like no other."

"The way I do?"

"The way you do, sweet Isla."

[millerscoffee]

dancing is a dangerous game | part one

you're a bandit like me, eyes full of stars.

5.5k | joel miller x f!reader

masterlist

rating: 18+ MDNI

tw: brief mentions of using your body for trading purposes, you shoot at joel miller????, light dub-con but that goes away quickly

warnings: post-outbreak au. no ellie. angsty smut, semi-dom!reader and dom!joel so that's fun, power struggle, age gap (joel is 56, reader is late 20s or early 30s), enemies to lovers, voyeurism (f watching m), masturbation (m and f), pet names/degrading names (baby, honey, darlin', brat, bitch, slut, etc.), dirty talk, choking, oral (m receiving), fingering, spanking, p in v (unprotected - wrap it up folks), joel is mean but not unkind. no use of y/n.

summary: inspired by "cowboy by me" by our lord and savior taylor swift. this is a post-outbreak world and joel has his own land. think bill, but a little less... deranged. kind of. you essentially are a raider, but make it fashion. when you stalk joel's cabin for the third day, that's when you get interrogated by none other than joel miller himself.

A/N: hi, i'm bee! this is my first fic on tumblr, and my first stab at this whole stratosphere. longtime listener; first time caller 💅. i was ALSO inspired by an ask i saw on @swiftispunk's page (hi! i love your writing sm??) and kinda just... ran with it. i honestly wasn't anticipating writing stuff during the outbreak, so i apologise if it's not quite right. imagine me living during that time with a tube of lipgloss and one (1) bullet in my pocket just in case. this... may be a series. i don't know yet. see ya! enjoy!!!

The first time you meet Joel Miller is down the barrel of your gun.

You can hear your father's voice telling you 'Back out, girl. Don't get too big for your britches.' Look where that got him. His ashes against your chest in a makeshift pendant necklace, buried by your clothes.

Still, you listen.

"It don't have to be like this," you drawl with index over the trigger guard. You've heard of him. Joel Miller. He's notorious, and even though you've kept to yourself most of your life, his name still roamed throughout the abandoned towns you passed. Someone always owed him, and he always owed somebody.

Your dad would've been older than him, but not by much. You knew of the world before this, was just a little thing. Still, you heard stories undulate from your father's southern voice that mostly left you bored on long days searching for food or shelter. You'd give anything to hear them now.

Part of you died when he did.

You were young when the outbreak happened. Resourceful, your father made it work in raising you. Taught you how to fend for yourself, rely on no one. Which was no easy feat considering how unbelievably stubborn you were. Were? Are.

Maybe he loved you. Maybe it was the chip on his shoulder. The kind of anguish that comes from not being able to give your mother the same kind of life. A promise to her.

Yes, you were young when the outbreak happened, but flashbacks of her getting attacked by a clicker burn you alive at night.

"Y'er on my land." A gruff voice calls you back to reality. Few words for someone who held your life in his hands. His own gun pointing back at you. Of course it would be.

"I was just passin' through." The lie flies through your teeth. You had been circling the place from a reasonable distance for a few days now. Scoping out when this man in front of you was his busiest, when he patrolled, when he slept. This was a heist situation, no doubt about it.

"Bullshit. This s'the third fuckin' time I seen you 'round here. And it's y'er last."

Shit. Fucking shit.

Your eyes dart to the side, really trying to pattern a plan in escaping but your breathing would say otherwise as calm and collected as it was.

In any other situation, you wouldn't be so willing to comply, but considering he's got you cornered and his gun is quite literally cocked and ready to go – you're not exactly in the position to make hasty decisions.

Goddammit if there wasn't something about him that made you nervous.

"Listen. Just was lookin' for somewhere to sleep. It's fuckin' cold and your stables look warm." Your head tilts in the direction of a lone horse's home in a bed of hay, and you're not fully lying. It's not that you have set up camp by any means, but you've noticed.

"We could trade. You give me y'er ammo, and I g–"

"You give me your cock, I get it. You really could be more original." You were used to this. Bartering, some might call it. Living out here on your own was dangerous, and running into men who wanted to use your body in order to get supplies wasn't that uncommon. If they were that kind, even. You'd heard the horror stories.

Albeit, most of these men met your gun in the end. Enabling you acquire their supplies, keep all yours, and your dignity. Win/win.

"...I give you the pleasure of livin' another day. Really? Y'think it's that easy?"

There was something in the way Joel says this that makes you grateful for the jacket you're wearing. Goosebumps prickle your skin, bile creeping up your throat and you will it back down again. Y'think it's that easy? As if he thought you wanted it.

If circumstances were different, you'd be rubbing the crimson off your cheeks. Flashing him a sheepish grin in an attempt to resolve whatever misunderstanding there was... but this wasn't the environment to elicit such conversation.

And you weren't that type of person to begin with.

Instead, your index sweeps from guard to trigger when you fire off at his leg. Hasty decisions be damned. You're quicker than him, so why're you tryin' to save him? You're a 'shoot to kill' type of person, and as the bullet grazes past his calf – part of you wishes you had.

Because not only did your bullet not make contact, Joel gets worse. You two lock eyes. His rifle is thrown over his shoulder as he grunts and walks perfectly fine over to you – despite the way his eyebrows knit together, jaw ticked. Was that a grin? Do something, anything – run.

Joel grips the nape of your neck, and you yelp in surprise.

Who the fuck does this man think he is?

His large hand eclipses your wrist as he maneuvers the gun from your hand. The action makes you writhe in pain, and it sends a shiver down your spine to know he's only using an ounce of his power.

You dig your elbow into his ribs despite him stronger than you. Stomping, kicking, punching anything you can find.

"What the fu–"

"Little girl, you picked the wrong one." His breath edges at the shell of your ear, and every sign should be pointing for you to hate this, but it almost feels familiar. Like yourself. It's only then when you worry.

---

You don't realise it, but Joel is pushing you inside his cabin. Keeping your head in direction of the ground, thud of the door heard somewhere behind you.

"You want to be treated like a big girl? Get these fuckin' pants off."

"What... what? No I'm fuckin' not–"

Joel chews up the space between you when he pushes you to the nearest wall. Your back at his chest, a cheek flush against the cabin's support.

Pine, tobacco, and whiskey fill your senses and you bite back the urge to whimper. He wouldn't see you like that.

"You're not? That why you were watchin' me jerk off last night? 'Cuz you don't wanna give it up?"

That alone makes blood creep up your neck and spill over your cheeks. You have to squeeze your legs together to quell the ache.

It was lonely on your own.

Most nights were spent half asleep on a cold, hard surface. Tired and hungry more days than not. You don't remember the last time you got a hot meal, much less been touched. So when you heard Joel's low grunts coming from the window (a window from a cabin you don't know quite yet that he built with his own hands) you become intrigued.

It's in this moment you're certain it must have been the rustling of branches just outside his room. You remember it happening last night, cursing to yourself for making noise. His fist stalled around the girth of his fat cock before spilling his seed over his stomach. As if that is what caused him to come.

It makes sense now, and it equally causes you to become dizzy and filled with rage. You bite your bottom lip, unable to think of a response.

"Mouthy thing ain't got much to say now. Now c'mon. I ain't taking these off you, doin' it y'erself." More of a warning, Joel lets up on his grip on you, but you're defenseless. No weapons, no pack. He's got your world in his hands.

With the newly found space between the two of you, you turn around – back of your head against the wall as your eyes find the other set for, perhaps, the first time. And they're deep. Deeper than you were aware of. Dark, impossibly round. Wrinkles reside on the sides of them, and if you knew any better, you wouldn't admit they were doing something to you.

But not only are you stubborn, you're too forthright to beat around the bush.

"I shot at you, and you want my cunt? You must be lonelier than I a–"

"Now."

Your words don't match your actions as your hands fall by your sides. Fingers play with zipper of your old, faded jeans that have seen better days.

You can't help but snicker an awkward laugh from how he's just watching you. Insecurities rise when you realise you're not laughing at him, but more his eyes on you. How intense it feels suddenly. He wants this. Wants you.

His eyes draw impatiently, broad frame leaning against the opposite wall, arms crossed.

"Ain't got all day. Still considerin' your death."

His arms. Bulging through the fabric of his shirt, his body was built in a way that you could tell he worked with his hands... maybe in his past life, too. Throat dry, you shimmy out of your pants until you're left in your cotton panties.

Ones that you are becoming more aware the condition of. A small pool of wetness forming at the core of you clings to the fabric.

"Top, too."

Is that? It is. Your eyes wander down to see the growing bulge in Joel's pants. Not even the hem of his flannel could hide it. Sure, you'd seen it in its full form the night before, but that was with distance and without the heat rising between the two of you.

You bite your lip without hesitation, pulling the layers of jacket and a handful of tops onto the ground until you're bare. The cool air passes over your nipples and wills them into stiff peaks.

"Ain't you somethin', baby."

That's the first time Joel Miller draws a shaky exhale out of you. All from a single sentence.

When Joel steps over to you, that calm and collected breath is nowhere to be found. Your chest rises and falls at a random pattern, feeling more and more naked by the second as his clothes are completely kept on his body. A purposeful tactic.

He bends down to collect your clothes along with everything else that yours, and you are truly at his will. So busy on the precipice of pleasure that you don't even think about trying to get away.

"Stay."

"Ain't a dog." You glare, standing with your legs brushing together.

"Then quit actin' like a bitch. And quit movin', I'm gettin' to you."

It shuts you up quick, jaw snapping shut. You're certain if he told that to anyone else they'd be reduced to tears, but you can take it. It coils a heat inside the pit of your stomach that you've never felt. Causes your clit to feel as if it's on fire from the need to touch it.

Joel turns on his heel to walk away and it's as if you're able to breathe fresh air from the humidity he brings. You notice he's putting your things and his rifle away on his kitchen counter before coming back to you. He must really trust his ability to keep everything out like that.

Then again, have you even moved in the last five minutes?

The last thing he is, is worried.

You're able to look around, if only for a moment. Though, is it really looking? Your adrenaline is pumping, pupils blown from the fact that not only are you in the house you'd been stalking... you're about to fuck the man in it. And you almost tried to kill him. You definitely didn't miss on purpose. Couldn't have.

All the same, the cabin was nice, and you could take in briefly the light wood – old and weathered. A record player in the corner beside a guitar. This stuff could get you a lot in return, but for whatever reason that doesn't even cross your mind. Maybe your heart beating in your ears is a handy distraction to keep you walking the line.

Your eyes track the rugged man instead.

---

"Here's how this is gonna go," he announces, coming back to you and not phased that you haven't moved a muscle. "You are gonna take your ass over there on the couch. You're gonna make me come, then you're gonna go. Understand?"

"Well... I guess it is that easy."

Your bratty mouth getting you in trouble again. As if you're in the position to say anything. Naked as you are.

---

Joel's jaw ticks forward in a way that makes you feel fear, yet there's a direct correlation between it and the slick gathering between your folds. The same wide hand that gripped the nape of your neck wraps around the front of your throat while he pushes you against the wall, and your shoulders slump – all but folding instantly.

His mouth is inches from yours, forcing you to look him in the eyes.

"Listen here. I've been real kind to you. Coulda killed ya day one, tryin' to steal my shit like that. Was gonna be real kind in where I fucked ya, too. Now we're gonna fix that mouth a'yours and fast. Knees. Now." You soon come to know this isn't a suggestion. It's not even a warning. It is what's happening.

It's in the way Joel's hands guide you down onto your knees. He goes for his belt and you hear and see that distinct clang of metal untangle before your very senses. Your mouth waters instantly, teetering into fully giving into this struggle of power.

Joel's hands are calloused. You can tell he takes care of them, but that doesn't hide the wear and tear. Specifically on his fingertips. They grip your jaw roughly, and you choke back a moan as your mouth hangs open pliantly from this. Every nerve ending buzzing to be touched.

"Where'd that bratty girl go, huh? You done bein' big and bad – wanna be a slut, don’tcha?"

Your eyelash splay along your cheeks as you nod, and you feel his grip tighten, tugging your chin up higher.

"Look at me. You want this cock? I need your words. Tell me you wanna be a slut."

You're not sure when it happens, but hot tears run down your cheeks as everything comes to a head. Your body is trembling with raw desire right at your fingertips, just within reach. You can't hold back anymore, it physically hurts to.

"I wanna be a slut for this cock... please."

"Fuck, even a please. Oughta eat you out for that, sugar. Maybe next time."

Your brain is swimming at the thought. Next time?

With his free hand, Joel sets his cock free from his jeans, giving a satisfying smack to his abdomen quickly. No need for another piece of fabric keeping him from getting what he wants as you soon take note he isn't wearing boxers.

There's no denying what you're met with as you get to view it from this close. Joel Miller has a pretty cock. There's a soft, but bulging vein on the underside to match how big and thick it is. The rosy tip greets you, and it's the first time you get to see how much you've turned him on.

Your mouth is drooling while it's pried open and meets the tip of him. A moan from you is instantaneous, yet feels so distant from yourself, it doesn't affect you until much later. The taste of his precum coats your tongue as he slips past your lips and it's all you can experience. Your moans slip in and out of the sloshing sounds of your mouth. Keeping your hands by your sides, you don't tempt to touch him in fear he would pull away, so instead you twirl your tongue around his leaking head. Bob your head up and down in a slow, but sultry rhythm that causes him curse under his breath. He's not stoic above you, he's reacting.

He's clawing for every last bit of the upper hand.

"S'a lot, innit, babygirl? That's alright, you can take it." It's then you can sense Joel's guard slipping. Could be the fact that your mouth is suctioned perfectly around the length of his cock, but his voice gets damn sweeter the longer you go like this. His hips also have no problem in thrusting shallowly every now and then to knock the drool off of your dripping chin.

Even if you could form a thought, you don't know you would.

His fingers tangle in your hair, pulling it out of your face as you maintain eye contact. Intuitive in your approach, he told you to look at him earlier, so maybe he likes it? The groans filling the room lead you to believe you are correct. It feels so removed from who you were moments before: snickering because his gaze felt intimidating. Now, his pupils are blown as they pour into yours and his neck hangs back when your mouth makes those pretty, sloppy popping noises – testing your gag reflexes as you will them to relax.

It's way more intimate than anything you've ever done with anyone you've ever been with, and this stranger is pulling it out of you. Within the mess your brain is in, you remind yourself if you want to stop you can, and not a bit of you does.

The hot tears that were once down your cheeks swell in your eyes once more, but this time from the sheer size of him. You moan vibration after vibration against him, shifting and pushing your cunt against your calf, thigh – anything to feel some sort of friction.

He lets out a growl when he notices you, "Honey, if it's that bad, touch yourself." If your cheeks weren't red before, they are now.

It's him calling you out, slight embarrassingly, but not letting up with his hips. It's the way the embarrassment builds the fire in the pit of your belly. It's your hand pushing inside your panties at the sound of his command. And it's you practically choking on his cock from the gasp you let out through your nose – stunned at how wet you are.

Your fingertips barely brush over your clit when you notice the slick collecting, bubbling right at the very top of your slit and slutty moans fall out of you. Your eyelids droop as you try to keep your gaze up to Joel, but the way your fingertips roll over the hood of your clit in satisfying circles sends you over the edge way quicker than you anticipate.

"Shit, baby. Just like that. You filthy thing, can't hold off another minute longer, can ya? Need it right fuckin' now."

The sound of Joel's deep voice looms overhead as you come completely undone.

Unable to stop yourself, the suction on his cock pops free for a moment. Your moans hitting the air as your eyes roll back. Your body rushing to find each wave of pleasure roll off your back. Joel's cock still nestled in your mouth, but his hips still. "Goddamn, look at that little slut come out. Such a needy fuckin' kitten."

When Joel makes sure you've ridden it out, he pulls his cock from your mouth. Your body feels weak despite how eager your mind is now, face-to-face with Joel's cock, you watch as his scarred hand glides your saliva over his length entirely. It puts you in a trance, quickly getting out of it when he taps his cock against your cheek. "Pretty kitten want this? C'mon."

If your moans felt foreign to you, you don't even know what to do with yourself at the twinge of a grin that spreads on your face. The sheer audacity of his taps right against your fucking cheek. Orgasm-drunk, you shuffle to your feet and Joel has no problem in tossing you – finally – to the couch.

Your back is to him while the front of your body brackets the width of his couch, arms hunched over the back of it, knees dig into the cushions. You're grateful for the lack of eye contact in this position as it gives you a moment to press your face into your bicep, an attempt to collect yourself. But all of it obsolete when you sense Joel's presence at your ass.

His body heat unmistakable to miss. You bite at your own skin, neck craning to behind you to watch him.

"Shit, darlin', look at you. Ass up like this like y'er in fuckin' heat for me." You whine at the fact his clothes are still mostly on, and you know he must be sweating underneath them, but he won't give it to you like that. Not yet, 'maybe next time'. "You know I can't go any further 'til you get a spankin'. Need to be punished for tryin' to hurt me like that. For tryin' to take my things. Ain't right. Need you to learn your lesson."

Where are you? A part of you knows this is a tactic. That Joel is lulling you into a position you can't say no to. It already shows itself in how you're splayed on his couch. Yet, you can't find the person you were before you stepped into the cabin. Not yet, not like this. You nod weakly, and Joel swipes the cotton undies down to your thighs so quickly the rush of air cools the heat of your folds. A flutter runs through you.

"Count. To ten. If you don't, we start over. Say, yes sir."

"Y-yes... sir. Yes sir."

A searing, mind-numbing spank wallops over your ass and it causes your hips to jut forward. Whimper hitting the top of your throat, you almost, almost, forget to count. Everything in your senses distracting you from completing the simplest tasks such as fucking counting.

"O-one." Another. "Twooo." And again. "Th-three!"

You start sniffling by the third smack of his wide hand, and you hear mocking sniffs behind your head. "Aww, pretty baby can't take the hurt she tries to give to others? That must be really tough. Y'heart's bleedin' all over my couch, honey."

Your cheeks burn, you really feel sorry for what you've done. Or at least, what you were planning to do.

The next spank leaves a welt of Joel's handprint across your skin. "FOUR!" Your body begins to feel weak, sliding against the couch, you know talking back is useless as you silent tears stream into your arm.

There are six more blinding slaps to your ass by the time he's done with you, and you feel him pull back when he's through. You imagine him wringing his palms, the roughness of them. You begin to wonder if that's how they got to be so weathered, and pretend not to be weirded out by the ache of jealousy.

"Y'know for somebody whinin' the whole time, your pussy is just droolin' from that," any narrative you wandered off with disappears in its replacement of Joel's fingers gathering slick between your folds. No announcement, just go. It was just within reach, feeling him inside you. You ride the shudder your body makes, licking your lips as you realise the unspoken rule is free and you can speak. "N-need it. Need your cock, please... please." "Need it, and you don't even know my name?" His index and middle finger waste no time in pressing into your aching core. Sounds of your wailing mix with his words as he lurches over, lip close to your ear. "Or maybe you do already."

"Please, please, please," your fingertips grip for the worn fabric of his couch while your hips that try to jut back are quickly halted by his other palm, a strong stopper at the base of your spine. "Not 'til you tell me my name." "I-I don't know. I don't know it, I swear." Joel's thick fingers slip completely out of you and you mewl pathetically, pussy clenching around nothing and he can see every last detail of it behind you. "Last fuckin' time, better tell me the truth." "It's Joel," you cry, hips pushing back against the resistance as much as possible. Anything to be filled again. "Joel. Joel. Joel. I was... I was– I don't know anybody. Not with anybody, I swear! Joel, I swear. Please! Just grew up hearin' your name. I swear on my life, Joel, please! I know I lied, didn't think you'd believe me."

You don't know why you're begging like your life depends on it, but your pleasure surely does, and there's a longer pause than you want lingering behind you. As if you can palpably feel Joel contemplating whether you're being truthful or not. But if there's one thing about you, aside from this moment in this compromising position: you don't answer to anybody.

Joel's cock bottoming out inside of you at the drop of a hat is confirmation enough that he believes you.

And you not only wail, but scream at the stretch and irresistible contact that punches you straight to your gut – right where you can feel the tip of him. Half-moon prints dig into your hips by his short fingernails when he grabs ahold of you and you're on your forearms, head hanging between your shoulders. Your panties keep your thighs straying too far apart if there is such a thing.

"This what you wanted when you watched me?" Joel grips your torso now, pulling you closer to him as you become more upright, his cock more accessible to the spongy spot inside of you and your nipples stand erect, eyes rolling back as it takes all of you not to rest your head back against his shoulder, and you fail. Hard. Your occiput makes contact with his shoulder. Joel brushes your hair back to the side, lips graze but never fully touches the column of your neck. "Thought about this tight cunt last night. Left the window open on purpose, but you knew that already, didn't you, pretty girl? Clever little thing and so fuckin' dirty."

Joel's hand snakes around the front of you, spreading your folds as he dives his fingers over your glossed-over clit your wetness claimed and that sends a whine off of your depraved lips. "That's it, honey. Show me what this cock does to ya. Makes you downright brainless from how well you take it." While his skilled fingers, toy with your clit, the other set of digits graze over your breasts on their way up to your mouth. You take them inside the warmth of your wet mouth easily, rolling your tongue over the digits until you can only focus on the white hot pleasure beginning to boil over. You keep his fingers between your teeth, a faint realisation that you can taste yourself on them. That's what does it.

His hips are relentless as they pound into you, the repetitious slaps of his skin against yours, of his balls tapping your cunt again and again sends you into a place that he knows you're approaching when you tighten and pulse.

"Y'know how tight and wet you feel around me, darlin'? Never had a fuckin' cunt like this. Let it out, let it out, just like you wanna. Just like you did last night around your fingers. Nothin' like this cock though, and you know it now, don't you? Oh, fuck yeah– thaaat's it. Look at you." "Joel... Joel!!!" Joel talks you through it, sending your body diving off the cliff that is your second orgasm. The undeniable gush of your fluids around his cock. His name stays stuck at the your tongue, the constant thud of it vibrates your lungs.

It starts at the attention on your clit. The raw bundle of nerves send signals outward as it spreads down your legs, up your stomach, to your nipples and down your spine. Your brain feels effervescent, toes curl, and it comes back again right to your heart. Your beating heart, wild, and every moan, whimper, scream that comes from you sounds like it is from someone else's chest. But it's yours, and you know that when you start to feel hazy, unable to hold yourself up anymore.

"Good for my cock after all. Ain't ya, baby? Shit."

Your torso leans forward while your cheek rests on the top of your hand that's gripped on Joel's couch, and your body is relaxed and fucked. Comfortably silent, just the way Joel would want you. His cock slips out of you, unable to stop the slew of grunts and groans that acts as an anchor to keep you from slipping under. You lick your lips, looking back at him with a nod, unable to stay silent for long. That struggle of power coming back for vengeance. "That's right. Come all over this ass you ruined. See those handprints? Dirty fucking man, you just met me. Show me how much you enjoyed doing that."

That's as far as you get when you feel the heavy streams of his hot, white come rope over your skin, and for someone who is no position to be smug, you sure do have a shit-eating grin on your face. Pure, and the simplest thing the two of you accomplish.

Joel shakes his head, shallow breaths become him as he staggers back and you pretend not to notice. "Gonna kill me, kid."

"Almost did."

---

You don't know why, but neither of you hold the promise of you leaving right away. You linger, both of you half naked and spent. You take your time cleaning yourself off, slipping your clothes back on. Day becoming night.

You tiptoe into the living room where Joel is unfurled on his couch. His eyes are closed, the back of his head inches away from where the two of you just had sex.

Planning your goodbye, you sit at the edge of the couch cushion, knowing he wasn't really asleep. Just restin' his eyes.

"I am sorry...," you finally say into the dimly lit room, pangs of annoyance fizz at your tongue for even apologising. For shooting him, for trying to steal from him. All of it.

It's not his fault. It's just how you are.

This is dichotomous in relation to your eyes. They're bleary when a yawn pulls deep from within you. As if rest had been climbing up to the surface this entire time.

"Maybe you should be apologisin' 'bout your shitty aim. Could teach you a thing or two." Joel's eyes remained closed, arms crossed. If you could let yourself experience this, you would notice how soft he looks in this moment. Instead, your stomach is recoils in fight or flight.

You're glad he can't see you swallow the knot in your throat.

There was no magical solution for your life, and a part of you wishes you hadn't chosen his cabin to raid. You wish you hadn't met him, because now you could feel yourself want to notice the small things in him. Already.

You felt it dangerous to let anything that close to you.

You scoff to play it off, giving his chest a light shove and very accidentally getting lost in the light landscape of hairs that resides at the top of his flannel. "I could teach you a thing or two." A pathetic response for a pathetically spent human.

"We could both teach each other," he resigns and you're grateful he doesn't point out your lack of wit for how worn out he's made you. Perhaps the smugness settles in the things he doesn't say. Really, it's in what Joel spouts off next that throws you upside down.

"S'why you should stay. One month. That's it."

"Excuse me?"

"Didn't stuttered," your eyes roll and somehow, despite Joel's own being shut, he tuts his teeth. "Don't roll your eyes at me, little girl. You need a place to sleep. Besides, I could use an extra set of hands. Way I see it, best offer you've had in a while. Got a shelf life, though. Don't like to wait."

A part of you is suspicious, and if this man didn't make sure you orgasmed twice, you would suspect yourself to be dead within a matter of minutes.

There's something true about him, though. You're unwilling to look at it directly, but you trust him.

"Fine."

"Gonna need clearer confirmation, darlin'. Really need you to want this if you're gonna stay with me." He knew exactly where to press.

"Fuck, I shoulda killed you when I had the chance. I want to stay with you. One month." You try to ignore the grit between your teeth as speak, but your shoulders eventually soften. And you really do mean it. It's just... you're hardened from years of misplaced trust.

Your hand goes to the pendant around your neck subconsciously.

Joel either doesn't notice, or gives you the space.

You're grateful either way.

"That's that, then."

If anyone could understand the concept, it's Joel.

"That's that."

[martialartslover7]

Unpopular opinion incoming: ...Why do NaruHina fans even like The Last?

Unironically, I really want to know why, because, I am a huge NaruHina shipper myself, and even still, this movie never fails to aggrevate me in the worst way possible, even now, not even getting angry or anything, but... I just feel empty. I feel nothing. Not even the kiss made it worth, and I am HUGE sucker for sappy romances from time to time. Hell, I am a romance author, as a hobby. But this movie, it legit felt like, I just wasted my freaking time. That's a far worse sensation than getting mad, because, I just got nothing smart to say about it.

So, let me get this straight, and I am pretty sure, I am speaking of behalf of anyone that even remotely supports these two as one: The series NEVER making Naruto acknowledge Hinata's confession, was just damned moronic, even from a writing standpoint, because, yeah, in Japanese, it can mean two different things when you say "I love you", I know that, it might just mean "I love you as a teammate", but honestly, considering that NaruHina, by this point, was always meant, even according to Kishimoto, in hindsight, not acknowledging this moment for years to come, until the movie had to speak up about it: You lost the plot. If it was always meant to happen, why did you write it in a way as if Naruto straight up ignored everything she said?

And listen, I know, Naruto is a really delayed mofo, but the movie tried to paint it as if, "Naruto is a dense idiot, who isn't in touch with his own feelings, so you have to put him in a Genjutsu to """see the depths of her feelings for him"""", but honestly, to me, this just felt like a really convenient excuse to just regress Naruto as a person, just so the ship can happen, essentially, "guilt-tripping" him into going, "Ohhh, Hinata always had feelings for me, I didn't notice, even though she risked her life". Again, again, again, none of the events would even bother me so much, if it weren't for the undeniable fact: Somehow, during Shippuden, they tried to make it seem "ambigious", by not addressing her confession, EVER. Like, almost as if, Sakura was meant to be "the final option, because of Kushina", but it was clearly bullshit, and the movie wasn't subtle on that front either. But then, WHY WASN'T IT BROUGHT UP? WHY DID NARUTO NOT SAY ANYTHING?

And before any of you stupid motherfuckers are going to accuse me of being a "closeted NaruSaku shipper", I am not. These two simply wouldn't have ever worked out in the long run, for one thing, because I am not a fan of this trope, of the girl always needing to use violence, on an already traumatized individual (not to mention, that being played for laughs, which also rubs me the wrong way, especially in regards to comic relief characters), and him just going with it, which, by the way, isn't very realistic at all, as to why Naruto never got cross with Sakura at one point or another (one can of worms, I want to talk about some other time), and secondly, c'mon now, look at these two. They are more siblings than anything. As if, two different halves and shades of Kushina live inside the two of them, individually.

Not to mention, why are you NaruHina fans so comfortable with pardoning bad writing, brushing it off as if it's "deeper than you think"? Because, I just can't see it any other way, both Naruto and Hinata were frankly OOC in this movie, considering, this is all supposed to take place after the war. I can forgive Naruto being an idiot, who is slow on the draw, but straight up going "he is just dense", is frankly retarded, considering, we are talking about the equivalent to ninja Jesus Christ with him here, who basically loves everyone like family (safe for the villains), but then comes Hinata, he confesses first, but somehow "he is dense"? Why do we even need a fucking Genjutsu for all this? Doesn't he remember a person he truly loved like her, of ALL people? So we are left with having to rely on made-up flashbacks, which never even happened in the original series (only in Shippuden, late-game), and a contrived plot device, that comes in the name of "Otsutsuki"?

On that note, I really do not like what this movie did with Hinata. Look, "Toneri was messing with her chakra", even if that were true, it doesn't change anything, because it's still an excuse to make her another damsel in distress for Naruto to save. I get it, Hinata is not like Naruto in that, she bears his battle attributes, but sheesh, man, are you really fine with regressing her back to the Genin, who can't even run down walls to save her life? This is a mess, I really cannot approve of this, Hinata is way stronger than that, and we all know it, this just isn't acceptable to me. I want my couple dynamic to be evenly distributed to feel absolutely comfortable.

And this is acceptable to you all? I call it, for what it is: Terrible writing. Stitched together with convenient excuses, just to have the ship happen somehow, in an artificial way, despite having criminal lack of shared screentime together, non-canon content excluded, by the way (I am sorry, I have to be consistent here).

With all this knowledge, the movie comes off as a truly cringeworthy attempt to try appeasing to us, who love these two together. The sappy music, the "larger-than-life" presentation, the overt reliance on spectacle, rather than substance, is just making this experience even worse for me.

Peace.

P.S.: This is just my silly, personal opinion, if you love this movie, more power to you. But to me, this is one of those pieces of media that genuinely make me feel miserable.

[justbeingbuck]

Chasing the Wind - Chp 2 a/n: thank you for all the love on chp 1! we start w a bit of a flashback this chapter. i'm seeing the movie again friday and going line dancing saturday so this fixation shouldn't stop soon. Ao3: here! fic masterlist: here! Pairing: tyler owens x fem!reader Rating/Warning(s): none for the chapter! but there will be smut at some point. Words: 1,267 Fic Summary: Tyler and Reader knew each other back in his rodeo days and had a falling out with each other. But by some twist of fate, you two are brough back together. Will you rekindle what could've been or let things be?

--During the Rodeo Days-- Tyler had just gotten thrown off a bull and was a little messed up. Luckily, you were right there to administer some first aid after. You kept telling him that he should get checked out at a hospital just in case, but he refused. You dabbed at the small cut on his forehead, and he was gazing at you. He hated that you were with Luke if he was being honest. He knew that he should’ve asked you out that one night, but he was so caught up in his own head and he hated that.

“You don’t have to do this, y’know,” he said. You looked away from the cut that you may have been looking at for a little too long. Your eyes moved from the cut to his eyes.

“I want to, plus you’re refusing to go get actual help so I might as well make sure you’re taken care of,” you told him.

“With you, lightning, I’m always taken care of,” he said with a smile causing you to roll your eyes a bit and return the smile. He chuckled, “It’s true!”

“Maybe,” you said looking away. You had yet to tell him about college.

“Is everything okay?” He asked, looking at you with concern in his eyes.

He took your hands in his which caused you to look at him. Your eyes went wide, and your heart raced at his touch. You did have a crush on Tyler, and you stupidly waited for him to make a move and when he didn’t, Luke came into the picture. You wished that you had made a move first, but you were so scared of being rejected by him, so you didn’t make that move.

“Owens!” Luke’s voice carried over to the two of you. Quickly you and Tyler stood and dropped hands. Luke came up and shoved Tyler while yelling. “Just what in the hell do you think you’re doing with my girl?!”

“Luke, I was just helping him with his wounds,” you said. Luke glared at you with anger that you’ve seen too many times to count.

“You shut up!” Luke yelled. You briefly closed your eyes and bit your lip to fight back the tears. Luke glared at Tyler again, “Seriously, Owens! You can have any girl you’d like, and you pick mine? What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

“Luke, we were just talking, nothing serious. And we’re just friends,” Tyler said calmly.

“Bullshit!” Luke yelled before punching Tyler.

Before Tyler could react, Luke tackled Tyler to the ground and the two fought. Tears pooled in your eyes, and you felt that this was all your fault. Luckily two other workers came over and pulled Luke off of Tyler. The two said that they were fine and there was no need to get any authorities involved. Luke grabbed your arm and dragged you away. You looked back at Tyler who was getting looked at. You knew you had to check on him later.

Luke had brought you back to his hotel room and nearly shoved you through the door. You looked at him in shock. He was usually not this rough with you. Luke sat on the bed, expectantly.

“What the fuck was that all about, Luke?” You asked, anger flowing off your voice like a waterfall.

“You tell me! Why was Tyler holding your hands?” Luke asked.

“Because he was concerned about me!” You said.

“Why? There’s nothing going on with you because you would’ve told me otherwise,” Luke said. You glared at him, you had yet to tell him about college too.

“Because I’m leaving! I’m going to get my degree in meteorology. I don’t want to do this anymore,” You said before running your hands over you face.

“You’re leaving?” Luke asked.

“Yes, Luke, I’m leaving. Tomorrow,” You told him.

“What does that mean for us?” He asked.

“There’s no more us. I’m breaking up with you, something I should’ve done a while ago,” You said. You walked over to the door and glanced back, “Goodbye, Luke.”

With that, you left and went to see Tyler. You were heading back to the rodeo grounds across the street when you saw Tyler in the parking lot. You two made eye contact and he continued walking. You quickly jogged over to him.

“Tyler!” You said. He stopped walking and turned to face you.

“What is it?” He said, sadness in his voice.

“I- I’m sorry. For what Luke did to you,” You told him, still scared to tell him about going to college.

“Of course you are and let me guess, you’re still with him after all that. I thought we were friends,” he said.

“What? Tyler we are friends. Luke is complicated but-“

“But I can never measure up, I can never be more important than him. I’ve seen how he treats you after talking to any guy. I’ve seen how upset he gets when you’re around me. Why do you stay with him?”

“He just has issues! I can’t control how he reacts.” You felt tears start to stream down your face. Tyler shook his head and started to walk away. You wiped away your tears, “Tyler! Please. Just hear me out.”

Tyler stopped and moved to be in your space. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be your friend and your boyfriend’s enemy. I’m sorry.”

“Fine. You’ll never have to see me again come tomorrow, anyway,” You said, anger now taking over.

“What? What do you mean?” He asked.

“I’m leaving tomorrow for college, getting my degree in meteorology,” you told him. You crossed your arms, “So you won’t have to be my friend and Luke’s enemy.”

“What?” Tyler looked at you in shock. He knew that he was losing you and he was terrified.

“You don’t have to decide anymore between being my friend and Luke’s enemy. I don’t how else to make that clearer,” You said. You huffed out a breath after a beat, “Whatever, it doesn’t matter anymore. Goodbye, Tyler.”

You turned and left him, tears streaming down your face. You hated leaving him the most.

--Current time-- It was less than an hour later and the three of you arrived at the motel. Kate led the way to your room which happened to be right next door to Tyler’s room. Tyler bid you and Kate goodnight before heading into his room. Kate looked between you and Tyler since you two were definitely sharing a longing look. After Tyler disappeared into his motel room, you and Kate went into yours.

“So, you and Tyler?” Kate asked as soon as the door was shut.

“There’s nothing between us, Kate,” you told her.

“He called you lightning, and I’ve never seen him look at someone the way he looks at you,” she said. Kate frowned, knowing you weren’t fully ready to relive that past yet.

“It’s complicated,” you told her.

“Well, you two should talk. I’ll come get you in the morning, Goodnight,” Kate said before leaving.

After she left, you sat on the bed, alone with your thoughts. Kate was right, you did have to talk to Tyler. You just didn’t know where to begin or what you would even say to him. You let out a sigh and decided that it was best to talk to him sooner than later. So, you got up and walked over to the door to his motel room. You were about to knock on the door when he opened the door. You two held a gaze, unsure of what to do.

[pluckyredhead]

Red Hood and the Outlaws #6 (2011)

Hey, remember when I was recapping this series? Well, unfortunately for all of us, I'm gonna do it some more.

I will admit this is a pretty good cover.

This shit, however, makes me so mad. What an absolutely lazy waste of space. This comic is 20 pages long, not including the cover. That means that this two page spread is literally an entire tenth of the story, and it's used to convey...what? That Jason just fought some guys who were trying to smuggle nukes into Miami.

A two-page spread is meant to deliver impact: a crucial moment in the story, a stunning piece of art, an impressive sense of scale (Galactus looming over the Earth, whatever). This does none of that. Most of the page is just a teal gradient; Rocafort didn't even bother to draw an impressive underwater scene. (I kind of don't blame him, because it would have been a waste of his time, since this scene is NOT NARRATIVELY IMPORTANT.)

Also, the page before this is also a splash, and the one after is three panels depicting Jason caught in an explosion, and that's a generous description considering that one of the panels has nothing in it but bubbles. So now we're up to TWENTY percent of the comic, a full FIFTH of the story, and we have conveyed LITERALLY NOTHING except "Jason got caught up in an underwater explosion."

This is lazy writing and lazy art. This is charging the reader for 20 pages of story and delivering maybe seven, content-wise. It's shamelessly ripping off the audience, and they aren't even trying to pretend they aren't doing it. I don't know if Lobdell didn't have enough story in him or if he was trying to give Rocafort more time to drawn stupid little lines all over everything, New 52-style, but it pisses me off.

Anyway, Jason wakes up on an island a few days later (and a narration box on the first page established that this takes place before RHATO #1):

This page has six panels which is a very respectable amount, although I still don't think it's a great use of space. But I guess Rocafort was really busy adding wood texture to all the panel borders for no reason. Anyway the little pile of leaves Kori has graciously dropped over Jason's dick is very funny.

Jason wakes up, tries to demand his pants from Kori at gunpoint, and passes out again. He has a flashback to the world's most hideous Nightwing costume:

Awful. Also, Jason flounces off in a bratty little fit in the next couple panels, but I support him, because if you actually read what Dick's saying, it's meaningless filler.

See, now this is an appropriate use of a two-page spread for impact and scale. Much more effective. Imagine how effective it would have been if every other spread for five issues hadn't tried and failed at this!

Kori offers Jason some clothing, which turns out to be the hideous Nightwing suit, and Jason flashes back to Under the Red Hood: Shitty Version:

Who needs "Because he took me away from you" when we have whatever the fuck this is?

Jason gets all upset. Kori sniffs Dick's costume and says she can't remember his name, but she has fond memories of the guy who used to wear it. There's a flashback of her and Dick and Roy in action together. Okay, so she clearly remembers Dick and Roy at least somewhat, which is probably Lobdell starting to walk back the controversial amnesia bullshit in the first issue.

Jason tells Kori his connection to Dick and asks if she's mad, which...even setting aside Kori's memory issues and general lack of grudge holding in any continuity, why would she be mad that Jason has the same mentor as a guy she remembers fondly? Anyway, she is indeed not mad and they hug it out. If this is supposed to be depicting Jason's smug "I've been with her" in the first issue, it...really doesn't read like they boned.

Jason's narration on the last page further obscures things:

"Friendship and romance are really the same thing. Anyway LET'S TALK ABOUT ROY HARPER." Okay I know that's me reading with ship goggles but it truly is a very funny transition.

So that's how Jason met Kori! She...pulled him out of the water, and they discussed how they both knew Dick. Definitely worth spending a whole issue on that very interesting story!

[lazycats-stuff]

Jason Todd x male!reader

This is the continuation to the Joker!son reader. It seems that people have liked it and want a part two, so I will get to writing. It may be a bit short, but I just wanted to write something.

Summary: It's been a week since the night in the club and Jason is confused. It seems that fate has different plans when he bumps into (Y/N).

Warnings: Jason having an existential crisis, Jason being confused about his feelings.

It has been a week since that night in the club and Jason was a mess. He refused to leave his apartment, simply burrowing himself into his bed, refusing to talk to anybody. His brothers have called and even Bruce, but he refused to talk to them.

He needs time to think about what happened at the club. He really doesn't know what happened at the club. He thought about all the possibilities that could have gone done. Was he drugged? Was the alcohol too strong and he was lightweight? No...

He groaned once he heard somebody unlocking the front door. He took his gun from the nightstand and moved into the living room, ready to shoot his brothers or father. He makes no difference between them.

It was all of them apparently.

" Why are you here? " Jason asked, lowering his gun down.

" We are worried about you Jay. " Dick started.

Jason could tell that this was rehearsed. He was going to throw them out.

" Huh. "

" You have been acting weird for a week, you haven't been out in like a week. " Dick started once more.

" And? " Jason asked, putting the gun on the table, moving to the kitchen to get some water.

" And I'm worried. You have been withdrawn, you don't talk to anybody, you didn't go on patrol and you are simply... I don't know, I have never seen you like this. " Bruce said, looking Jason straight in the eyes.

" There is nothing to be worried about. I'm fine. "

" Jason... " Bruce started, taking a tone of voice that made it known he won't hear anymore bullshit.

" If I tell you, you will be mad. You might blow a fuse. "

" Jason, I won't be. "

" Then sit down. You will need it. "

Everyone sat down on the couch. Jason took a quick breath and then started.

" So, a week ago I went to a club. I saw (Y/N), Joker's son... " He stopped here, watching their reactions. Curiosity, interest... Okay.

" And... I kissed him. "

" WHAT?! " And there it was. Bruce was the only one who was quiet, trying to process the information he got from Jason. The brothers on the other hand were losing their shit. Firing question after question.

Jason was getting a headache.

" OKAY! " Bruce yelled, silencing the boys.

" Jason, " Bruce started gently, clearly shocked by the information, " Do you have any idea what drove you too him? "

" I don't. We simply met and... I think he ignited something in me, but nothing bad... I just... I don't know. "

" Okay... And you are sure you want to dabble into that territory? I mean, even if he doesn't have anything to do with the Joker, I don't want you to hurt yourself. " Bruce said to Jason.

" Do you want something more? " Dick asked. Jason chuckled at the question.

That was the question he was asking himself for the entire week. It was impossible for him to answer. On one hand, he wanted something more. Something normal in his crazy world. But on the other hand, Joker was still in his head and there were times where he couldn't sleep due to the flashbacks.

It was the question that would be answered when humans answer the meaning of life. Which is never...

" I don't know Dick. That's why I'm so torn. He is so... He is the opposite of the Joker, but on the other hand, I still remember Joker from time to time. "

Dick nodded, looking off.

" And that's why I'm in this predicament. " Jason said, crossing his arms across his chest.

The silence stretched through the living room. Nobody had an advice for Jason.

" Jason, I think you need to go for it. " Bruce said. Everyone turned to look at Bruce as if he grew a second head.

" None of us fall in love easily, especially not you. So, go for it. "

Jason looked at his adoptive father in shock. Bruce, out of all people is approving this? What the hell?

" So, if I were to pursue (Y/N), I could? "

" Yes. He has nothing to do with his father. "

Jason had to sit. He quietly said wow. Okay.

" Now, how do I apologize? Flowers? Chocolate? " He asked.

" Both. " Bruce answered.

Jason sighed. Great. Fricking great. He will need to be a sweet talker to do this.

Jason glanced at the bouquet in his hands. It was a bouquet of Hyacinths and in the other was chocolate. He smiled slightly at the familiar face who stepped out of the building. The said face was shocked.

" Jason? "

" Hey. "

(Y/N) looked at the bouquet and the chocolate. He put two and two together.

" Is this an apology for the last week? " (Y/N) asked Jason as he accepted the bouquet and chocolate.

" It is. I'm sorry for running out like that. It wasn't your fault by any means. "

" That's good to know. " (Y/N) said, bringing the flowers closer to sniff them.

" Fun fact, these are my favorite flowers. "

Jason was surprised. He looked into flowers that meant forgiveness, but didn't know it was (Y/N)'s favorite.

" Really? "

" Yup. You got lucky. " (Y/N) said.

" Good for me. I would like to make up to you. "

" Before you make your suggestion, l would like to ask you something. How did you know where I worked? "

Jason's brain short-circuited for a moment.

" You mentioned a shipping company that pays well. The only one in Gotham that fits the description is behind you. " Jason lied, shrugging his shoulder.

" Hm. " (Y/N) nodded, not knowing what to say.

" How about I take you out tonight for dinner? "

" Where? "

" I know a small place, not far from here. "

" Will tell me what made you run? "

" Maybe. " Jason said, smiling.

" I will take it. "

Jason smiled sincerely for the first time in a week.

" Here is my card. It has my number on it, so just text me when. " (Y/N) gave Jason the card, brushing his hand against Jason's.

" Will do. "

" See you later Jason. "

" See you. " Jason said, still smiling. Mission accomplished.

Now he just needs to get ready for the dinner.

[shurislover]

Baby Mama Drama

Letitia Wright x Y/N ( Black Fem Reader )

Summary :

Imagine being in a relationship with the one and only Letitia Wright… Being married for 5 years and having a child together. Sounds like a dream right ? Wrong ! Cheating , Lying , Arguing was all that could happen in this relationship, so you took it upon yourself to file for divorce and joint custody of your now 5 yr old daughter.

Warnings : Angst ? Cursing

“ Do I have to go ?” - your daughter asked

“ Yes Aria , you know it’s what the court ordered , and plus she wants to see you today “- you sighed as you tied her shoes

Aria rarely liked going to her “ Mother’s“ house, it was never fun. Letitia would always shit talk you , talk about how the girl she’s with now is much better etc. You never understood why she did what she did when shes the reason you both spilt up.

She’s cheated on you countless times, you’d ask her about it and it would lead to arguing or sex. Don’t get me wrong the sex was phenomenal you honestly still think about it till this day, but besides that… this was something you couldn’t handle. The cheating….. the lying…., the arguing was doing nothing but destroying you

“ Why does she want to see me, she didn’t care about me before ?” Aria tilted her head

Letitia didn’t put very much effort into caring about Aria until the media was on her ass.

“ Where’s your daughter “

“ We always see Y/N with your baby “

“ Are you even in your child’s life “

flashback

“ Bro can you let the media know i’m good to my child ?” Letitia sighed on the phone

“ Why would I lie for you ? You rarely take time out your day to see her. At this point i could’ve filed for sole custody “ I snapped back

“ Why didn’t you ? Media out here thinking i’m some shit parent when i’m not. I send you money to get her whatever she wants. I speak to her on the phone. I always get my baby anything she asks for. She wants it I give it her.

“ see that’s the problem, all this I buy her this I buy her that is bullshit Letitia. You need to spend time with your child. When Aria asks for you how the fuck am i supposed to tell my child “ oh baby i’m sorry your mother is too busy at clubs and kissing other women “ You snapped back

Don’t play with me Y/N , I take care of Aria. These interviewers on my ass about you and Aria, fans are on my ass about Aria. I love Aria so I suggest you let them know I care about her

YOU can tell them. You know what is insane your cast mates and your little girlfriend Eva care more about Aria than you do. I think that’s a damn shame Letitia.

flashback over

You hear your doorbell ring and sighed as you walked toward the door

“ baby your mother is here grab your bag” - you opened the door and met with your ex lover

“ is she ready ?” Letitia questioned as she walked inside

You followed her back into your kitchen

“ she’s getting her things “

“ Why you are you acting so cold to me , you really think this is a good look with Aria here “ - Letitia questioned

“ Don’t start this shit I know you talk shit about me at your home. Aria hears and sees everything and comes home and tells me. Maybe be more cautious of what you say about me“ - You answered back

Letitia rolled her eyes

She knew you were not dealing with her crap today.

“ Be glad i’m here to get my child “ - Letitia groaned

“ Glad ?? Nah she’s your responsibility too “ Letitia “ it takes two to make a baby. I didn’t do this shit by myself. You want the media off your ass so act like a good mother. Aria is 5 years old always worrying if she’s a mistake or if she’s the reason we don’t love each other anymore, and as her Mom i have to sit and reassure her that none of this is her fault meanwhile I’m here on the verge of another mental breakdown. This shit is hard and you don’t make it easy for me. You make it so hard for me Letitia you really do. During this whole fucking break up there’s been times I asked myself if i wanted to be here anymore but I stayed strong for that little girl because she atleast deserves someone who cares about her “

You felt hot tears run down your face, you haven’t been able to express your feelings to anyone because you’ve been in hiding and pushed everyone away.

You were so caught up in your thoughts you didn’t even realize Letitia pulled you into a hug

“ I’m sorry “

Those were two words you’ve been waiting years to hear

“ Im sorry. I’ve been a shit wife & ex wife. I’ve been a shit mother. You nor Aria deserve this. I’ve treated you wrong and I know you didn’t deserve any of that. You’ve always shown me what love is , you’ve opened my eyes to so many new things. Aria does deserve loving parents and I’m glad she has you. Y/N you’re the most amazing mother Aria could have. I was so caught up with myself and trying to satisfy my needs I didn’t think about you or how this might affect you. I’m sorry Y/N . I’m so sorry. “- Letitia spoke as she rubbed your back and held you tightly

“ I’ve started up therapy to work on my self, I want to become a more active parent in Arias life. I want to become active in your life again only if you let me, whether we stay friends or whatever. You both deserve the world and I want to give it to you both”

“ therapy “ you whispered

Letitia smiled a little

“ Yes , therapy. I know you’ve been trying to get me to go for months and I finally started going. I’ve given up drinking. 2 weeks sober. I’m learning to control my anger. I’ve blocked nearly every person I’ve had one night stands with, cheated with. I even broke it off with Eva”

“ You broke up with Eva ? Why “ - You asked

“ I only got with her to make you upset. It’s better for us to stay good friends that’s all “ - Letitia pulled back

You sighed and stared at her

“ I want you in Arias life I really do, but you have to be there for her. Not just showering her with gifts. I mean being there for her. Mentally , Emotionally, Physically. She needs to know you truly love her and will always be there for her. If she calls you one day crying cause she’s upset you need to comfort her not just buy her something. Me ? it’s gonna take a while but i wouldn’t mind you in my life again. I think it would be good not only for us but for Aria.“ - You spoke

“ I will do anything it takes to keep you guys with me forever and always. “

Letitia kissed your forehead and smiled

“ Ready Princess ?“

“ Yes mom “ - Aria smiled

Aria ran up to you and gave you the tightest hug

“ I love you baby and be good for your mother okay? Remember i’m only a call away if anything “

“ I love you too “ - Aria whispered

You watched as they both left hand in hand

Maybe it wouldn’t be that bad letting Letitia back into your life……

———————————————————————-

this is my first story on here so please bare with me. i used to write on wattpad but stopped lol. i hope you guys liked this one and if you have any tips to become better PLEASE let me know.

[d3adlyromb3ar]

✰ sinking lily pads

— synopsis. he thrived in the sorcerer world, she was forced into it. how could two people that strayed so differently from each other become so close?

— pairing. gojo x oc!fem!reader (main), toji fushiguro x oc!fem!reader

— word count. 4k

— contents. heavy child abuse, torture, neglect, abandonment, angsty asf, injuries, blood/gore, depressing thoughts, suicidal ideation, dissociation, ptsd, mentions of death, jjk violence/fighting

— notes. italics are flashbacks 🤍

series masterlist | previous chapter

✰ chapter three. no point in forgetting

June 10th, 1999

The wood traced her exposed back, the end trailing down her spine. Her hands gripped the bars tightly in front of her— palms squeezing the cold metal so tightly it threatened to burst.

I know it’s in there somewhere.

The bad man had said. Tsking in disappointment as she had failed yet again in perfecting her rising technique.

She had just discovered the mere sensation and instincts of something new— yet the bad man had demanded she perfected the ability. It seemed unfair, but she also knew that she failed.

Again and again the bad man forced her to focus and tried desperately to pull the technique out of her. Unbeknownst to him, it just didn’t work that way.

Quit holding back, it’s only gonna make things worse for you girl.

The bad man would taunt, every threat causing goosebumps to cover her flesh.

It didn’t matter. No amount of screaming, training or torture would bring it out. But in the man’s eyes, she failed— and she deserved to be punished.

The wood leaving her skin brought her back to reality, remembering her position and how badly she wished to escape from this situation.

“How many hours of failure today?” The bad man spit, his eyes glaring into the untouched skin of her back.

She forced her lip to stop quivering, needing herself to answer strongly.

“14.” She whispered, voice still weak.

The man leaned down and swept her hair off her neck, his lips dangerously close to her ear as he hissed his next words.

“Then that’s how many you’ll get.”

The words were enough to bring tears to her eyes, shivering in disgust as his voice almost sounded excited to inflict such damage. She couldn’t find it in herself to be ashamed of her state, she wailed and screamed— but not once did she let go of the bars. Staying completely still.

She felt his presence leave her, and knew that the little shuffling sounds indicated he was pulling back the stake. Her body could only tense up as she prepared herself for hell.

“I’m very disappointed in you Miss Dair.”

✩ ‧₊˚ ✩。✩ ‧₊˚ ✩。✩ ‧₊˚ ✩。✩ ‧₊˚ ✩。

“I’m very disappointed in you Miss Dair.”

Yaga’s voice boomed. Although he was speaking at a normal frequency— she couldn’t help but wince as the words rolled out.

“I thought I could count on you to be honest with me. With your classmates…” He paused and looked at her more intensely, “With your friends.”

Moon narrowed her gaze slightly at him, knowing he was trying to get some kind of reaction— but she had none. She knew he had the right to be upset, as she was upset with herself just as equally.

“It’s important you inform me of details so severe as your life. You do realize not to take your 9 lives for granted, yes?” He questioned, more like interrogated.

Moon’s eye twitched.

“Yes sir, I understand.” She replied almost robotically.

Yaga wasn’t have any of it though.

“No, you don’t understand. That’s the issue I’ve realized,” He stated bluntly, “You don’t value your life, and it saddens me.”

Moon’s jaw dropped and she went silent for a few moments. Watching Yaga lean back in his seat and cross his arms.

It was her turn to lean forward.

“Principal Yaga, I do value my lif—”

“We can cut the bullshit.” He interrupted harshly. “Really Miss Dair? Do I look like someone you should lie to right now?”

Moon clenched her jaw, her nose burning with a familiar sensation that tears were threatening to come.

“With all due respect sir, I didn’t intend on dying. It was a mistake and it won’t happen again.” She voiced lowly, not even believing herself.

Yaga scoffed and shook his head, but he wasn’t trying to seem rude. He was worried deep down and extremely disappointed in this change in his student.

His silence gave Moon time to overthink, and she couldn’t stop herself from speaking.

“Do you… do you think I meant to die?” She asked, wondering just what it was he was thinking.

Yaga adjusted his glasses, before leaning his elbows on his knees.

“I don’t think you did, I just think you don’t care that you did.” He told her.

She found herself stuck in a tough spot. Her body wanted to escape, to run away and hide from the truth that was being spat at her. Another part of her realized just how right Principal Yaga was.

The principal watched as Moon was left speechless, fiddling with her fingers in her lap anxiously— as she couldn’t come up with anything.

It only saddened him more. A part of him wishing that it wasn’t the case.

“What’s going on?” He asked her, his voice softer than earlier.

Moon didn’t know why she felt like she could talk openly with him. It wasn’t like her to express herself— at least not anymore. Although, it was hard to forget what Yaga had done for her, and maybe that’s what forced her to talk to him.

Yaga had saved her from the horrid clutches of the Zenin Clan, to which now she felt like she owed it to Yaga to at the very least— talk with him. He deserved that, and of course so much more.

Moon took a deep breath, tucking a fallen strand of hair behind her ear.

“I never asked for this life.” She whispered, just barely loud enough for him to hear.

But he did.

“I know you didn’t.” He agreed gently.

“So you understand.” She assumed.

“Understand what? That getting yourself killed is supposed to be okay?” He spoke, voice rising but still trying to remain calm.

Moon sighed, throwing her hands up in frustration.

“No— I…” She trailed off, “You know what… forget it.” She had more words to say but held herself back from voicing them.

Yaga narrowed his eyes.

“Moon,” The principal started, grabbing her attention seeing as he rarely called her by her first name. “I know you’ve been through a lot, and whether or not you ever fully open up to me about what exactly they did to you. I know they hurt you. In ways I’ll probably never understand.”

The burning sensation within her nose grew stronger from his words.

“But everything they did to you, everything that happened— you deserve to live a happy life.” He told her, wishing so badly that she could believe the words he said tonight.

“You’ve told me this before.” She whispered, her gaze focused on the floor.

“Because it’s true, and I need you to believe it.” He pushed, his voice softer again.

She shook her head, her vision blurry with tears— but she’d be damned to let them fall.

“Life has been cruel to you, but it doesn’t have to be anymore.” He told her, “I want you to live and be happy, because it’s what you deserve.”

She stood up from her spot and turned away from him, not walking away— but she couldn’t allow him to see the tear that managed to slip down her cheek. She wiped it away, before facing him again. This time she stayed standing.

“It’s difficult to live a happy life when I’m stuck doing something I don’t want to do.” She spoke carefully, turning defensive from his kind words.

“You’ve never been forced to do anything here.” He stated calmly.

“Then let me leave.” She argued.

“No ones stopping you.”

She felt her tongue become led in her mouth, swallowing as yet again— she was left speechless. It was cruel in a way that Yaga was always right, and he was.

Not once was Moon ever forced to go to school here. Not once was she forced to fight, to spar, to train. Not once was she forced to exorcize curses— it was all her choice. Yaga made sure of that.

He also knew that deep down under that facade of the girl she presented, the one who wishes to run away— to hide. He knew she was still a good person, someone who couldn’t walk away from the opportunity to help people. To save people.

He knew she was more at a battle with herself than anyone else.

“If that’s all sir, I’d like to be excused.” She muttered quietly, clearly finished with the conversation.

He let out a breath, knowing it wouldn’t be that easy to convince her of all he said today.

“One more thing and then you may leave.” He stated and she looked up to him, “There is an upcoming mission, one where you will work with your classmates. It’s important and I suggest you screw your head on straight before you take it on.”

She nodded in understanding.

“More information about said mission will be provided tomorrow. I suggest you relax today, get lots of rest.” He recommended sternly.

Something about his words made it sound like she was going to need her rest for this mission. At that, she became intrigued with what this mission was exactly. Time would tell.

“You can leave now.” He said lastly, his attention back in front of him.

Moon bowed her head lazily, making her way out of the room. She had a lot of thinking to do— a lot of reflecting. Yaga’s words weren’t said to deaf ears, and now they swirled around her mind.

I want you to live and be happy, because it’s what you deserve.

Those words specifically echoed throughout her head, the kind sentence causing her to scoff.

What did I deserve?

She wondered bitterly.

The school grounds were quiet and calm today. Usually the ambience of people wandering about, the different conversations being held— it was comforting. But the silence wasn’t unwelcome, and it seemed rather peaceful.

The dark haired girl made her way down the steps of the school, when a familiar voice caught her attention.

“Well well, look who it is.” The white haired sorcerer acknowledged from his spot under a tree— relaxing in the shade.

Moon glanced at Shoko and Geto to his right before meeting his eyes through his glasses.

“Hope we weren’t missing out on important information about our upcoming mission just now.” Geto teased.

Moon wished to of gone back to her room to rest, but couldn’t think of an excuse to leave them now that they spotted her. Plus, she wanted to see them.

She shook her head, walking over to the trio.

“Nah, just Yaga being… well… himself.” She mumbled.

Geto snorted, always finding Moon and the Principal’s relationship silly. He knew that Yaga had taken you in when you were young, but he didn’t know any further than that.

“Don’t disrespect the man.” Gojo commented.

Moon turned towards him, giving him a glare. Shoko chuckled at her reaction, her cigarette resting in between her fingers as she observed her friends.

“C’mon Satoru, be nice.” Shoko warned.

Gojo looked around dramatically, lifting his hands up in the air. The whole act only causing Moon to roll her eyes, even though deep down her lips threatened to curve.

“I didn’t even do anything!” He whined before locking eyes with Moon. “Right Nines, y’know I was just joking if anything.”

Even though she told him not to use that nickname anymore, she couldn’t find it in herself to care at the moment.

“It’s fine.” She shrugged, taking a seat next to Geto.

Furthest away from Gojo, causing him to pout slightly. Unnoticed by everyone.

“So what do you think this big mission Yaga keeps mentioning is about?” Geto wondered.

Gojo sighed loudly, gaining everyone’s attention. Typical.

“Who knows, probably a small job.” He assumed.

“You think so?” Geto asked, and only received a shrug back.

Moon let her classmates voices turn into background noise as she got lost in her thoughts. She knew better than to be hanging around them, trying to steer clear of getting close with anyone. But every interaction, even the tiny ones that led up to this point— she clenched her jaw in defeat. Whether or not she wanted to believe it or not— she had already created bonds with these people.

She only felt one thing for herself: disappointment.

“…right Moon?” Geto’s voice suddenly registered.

She glanced to the three who were now staring at her, clearly waiting for her answer. It was evident that she hadn’t heard a thing they said.

“What’d you say?” She asked, a little embarrassed.

“I said given the choice pairing up with me or Satoru for the mission, you’d pick me right?” He asked again, a grin on his face.

Despite his concerns for his friends behavior.

Moon scoffed but had a playful grin.

“Oh yeah, no question.” She played along.

Gojo pushed his glasses back up to cover his eyes completely, rolling his eyes behind the black lenses.

Moon smiled wider at his reaction, lowering her gaze to the grass. Missing the way Gojo was staring at her lips.

It was easier to pretend nothing was wrong sometimes, these lighthearted moments almost convincing her to quit her efforts to keep them away completely.

Your friends worry about you. Yaga’s words from a previous conversation, echoed through her head.

It wouldn’t be wise to head into a mission with everyone’s heads in the wrong spot. Maybe she needed to do her part, and reassure the ones she was surrounded by. It wouldn’t matter if she didn’t believe any of the words she said— she just needed them to believe it.

“Hey,” She nudged Gojo’s leg with her foot, “Take a walk with me?”

His head had leaned forward again, allowing his blue eyes to peak over the tops of his shades. He studied your expression, making out one thing quickly— genuine.

“Sure Nines.”

The two promised to come back to Shoko and Geto.

As soon as they made it far enough, where soon it was just them two secluded— Gojo was the first to speak.

“Gotta say I’m a little surprised.”

Moon turned her head towards him, confusion washing over her features.

“Surprised?” She asked.

“Well yeah, you’re actually talking to me. Correction— you’re talking to me first. Without me starting the conversation, like I always do.”

“Okay, I get it.” She stopped him, the corners of her mouth turning up.

“So what’s with the sudden change— ya know not that I’m complaining or anything. Just curious.”

Moon walked with even steps, keeping up with his larger strides as they traveled deeper into the woods.

“Well, I needed to apologize to you.” She uttered quietly.

Gojo tilted his head slightly, confusion washing over his features this time. He kept his gaze on his feet in front of him.

“Apologize for what?”

Moon swallowed, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear nervously. Or was it guilt?

“I’ve come to realize that I’ve been making you… unfocused.” She was careful with her wording. “I’m sorry for any stress I’ve been causing you, as for the others as well.”

Gojo stopped walking, causing her to stop and turn towards him as well. He didn’t know why her apology was ticking him off. Mainly because he didn’t see a good reason why she was apologizing in the first place.

“Making me unfocused?” He asked carefully, making sure he heard that right.

She nodded shamefully, the action making Gojo’s cheekbone twitch in irritation.

“Nines, you do realize that you shouldn’t be apologizing to me right now.” He surprised her.

“Wha— why not?”

“Because you just shouldn’t be.” He argued.

She was silent for a moment, gazing deeply into his shades— desperate to see his eyes. Knowing that it was the only way to depict how he was truly feeling.

“You have been so stressed out lately.”

“Yeah but that has nothing to do with you.” He lied.

Yes he was stressed, and yes maybe you were in a way the cause of it— but only because he worried about you too much.

“Listen Nines,” He took his glasses off, looking down to lock eyes with hers. “Anything that’s going on with me, isn’t your fault. So don’t start beating yourself up.”

“How can I not? With the mission coming up, I don’t need you to be distracted— and getting hurt because of it.”

He smirked slightly, unable to control himself.

“Weird, for a second there— it kinda sounded like you cared about me.”

Moon rolled her eyes.

“I’m serious Gojo.”

“And I’m serious Moon, you shouldn’t be apologizing.” He tried to convince her. “Plus, I’m not unfocused… if it’s anything, I’m just worried about you.”

She knew he was, but it was completely different hearing himself say those words.

“You don’t need to be worried about me, I’m fine.”

“That’s just the thing you don’t understand Nines,” He trailed off, taking a few steps closer to her. “I’m always gonna worry about you.”

His words had her shuttering, her chest warm with an unfamiliar sensation. She couldn’t confirm whether she enjoyed the feeling or felt indifferent about it.

“Why?”

He stepped closer again, and had to think of his words for a moment as the view from his perspective of her— distracted him. Her eyes were round and slightly glossy as she gazed up at him.

“Why wouldn’t I? You’re important to me.”

She felt her chest tighten slightly, one of her hands lying over her heart. This wasn’t what she was hoping would come of this conversation. But she also knew that these talks were almost inevitable.

“Don’t seem so shocked. You know that I care about you.” He added, her silence irritating him.

She swallowed, needing a moment to clear her head.

“You shouldn’t. You need to focus on the mission.” Was all she came up with.

“I can do both. I’m a great multitasker.”

She huffed and let her eyes drop to the grass, focusing on the grass blades instead of his intense blue eyes— she found it hard to focus when she gazed into them.

“This is pointless…” She muttered under her breath, which Gojo didn’t miss.

“Ouch.”

“I’m serious, this isn’t some kind of game—”

“I am serious Moon,” He repeated himself, growing agitated, “God, why is it so hard for you to understand that people care about you?”

She could only stare at him, coming up with nothing to say. She really found it hard to believe people cared about her. 

“I know I’m not the best at expressing emotions, but fuck— I hope that at least my friends can see that I care.” He huffed, turning away from her. 

She felt bad for making him frustrated, that wasn’t her intention— it never was. It seemed she was always causing him to be though. 

“You’re fine Gojo, I’m sorry. I don— I didn’t mean to make it sound like that.”

He turned back towards her, gazing into her eyes and taking in her shameful expression. 

“Why is it so hard for you to understand that people care about you?” He asked again.

She swayed in her spot and debated whether she should cloak and run away— it was always the first thing that came to mind when she was put in these situations. Although, she couldn’t bring herself to leave him. Not when he sported this kicked puppy look— it had her feeling all that more guilty. 

“Moon.” He got her attention again, watching as she spaced out. He walked closer to her until there was a little space in between them. It had her craning her neck up to meet his eyes bravely. “Why?”

“I don’t know…” She whispered, her eyes dancing just below his eyes to watch the muscle in his cheek flex. “There’s something wrong with me.”

His gaze softened as he found her telling the truth. 

“There’s nothing wrong with you Nines.” He started and thought about the line he was dancing on, “You just need to be nicer to yourself.”

She scoffed and lowered her head, her stare on his shoes. 

“It’s not that I… I just feel like I don’t work right. Like… I don’t know.” She tried to explain, but grew frustrated when she couldn’t voice what she wanted. 

She felt slender fingers grab her chin gently, and tilted her head up so that she was looking back into his eyes. She couldn’t ignore the flipping sensation in her stomach from the gesture. 

“You’re not broken like some toy, Moon.” He tried to tell her.

“Maybe not physically but, it just feels like that. Like everything I went through with the Zenin Clan…” She rambled on, catching herself before she could say anymore. 

Gojo knew she was saved from the Zenin’s clutches— but he didn’t know of the details. Nobody did. The only person who knew a little more was Yaga, but even then he didn’t know everything. She had never uttered a word to anyone of her experience. 

“It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me.” He reassured her, noticing her nervous look. “But you can if you want.” 

She gazed into his eyes and found herself reliving the same exact sensation she got the very first time Gojo tried to… kiss her. She didn’t know why she felt it— especially when he wasn’t showing any signs of leaning closer to her. It was after a couple seconds stuck in her thoughts, when she realized she was the one who was moving towards him. 

She stopped herself instantly, swallowing harshly when she still felt his fingers on her chin. 

“I know deep down that people care about me. It’s just hard to truly understand that.” She answered his question, not going into her past. 

He let go of her chin, letting his hand slide down her arm as he grabbed her hand. 

When was he this touchy? She wondered. 

She didn’t stop him, or pull away as she let herself enjoy the comfort his touch brought. She’d usually stand a little farther away than necessary— keep her distance. But she was starved and let herself have this moment— this sliver of affection. If that’s what it was. 

“So deep down, you understand that I care about you right?” He asked, his eyes glancing back from one to the other. 

She’d never seen him look so— desperate. 

The question circled within her. Yes, she knew he cared. But no matter how much convincing to herself— she’d always have that doubt in the back of her mind. The one the Zenin’s damaged to a pulp. 

“Yeah, I do.” She told him, the words feeling bitter coming off her tongue. 

She watched his shoulders sag with a huge breath he had been holding in, and she didn’t know why the little act had her heart hurting. The fact that even in this gentle moment— she was still causing him pain. 

“Good.” Was all he found himself saying. 

He wasn’t sure if this version of his Moon would stick around— whether or not she would revert back to her isolated self. But he would appreciate her in any form she presented herself in— he was learning quickly that his sorcerer friend was right. 

Our Moon is very much there.

Geto’s words finally made sense as he realized that maybe things wouldn’t go back to the way they were— but he still had her. That was enough for him, and he’d stick by her until the end. Now only if he could voice those words to her. One day. 

He smiled at her and let go of her hand, despite him not wanting to— he didn’t want to overstep. 

“Come on, let's head back.” He told her, starting to walk back to Shoko and Geto.

Moon followed after him, her shoulders feeling a bit lighter— her mind feeling a little more at ease. She wondered why the sudden change in how she was feeling— but couldn’t care enough to complain. Her feet moved quickly, keeping up with his long strides. All while there was a small smile on her lips. 

Maybe things weren’t so bad after all. 

— ending notes. pls lmk what you think of this series so far, feedback always appreciated 🤍

[echowithpain]

Alright, it's been a bit since 911 has a done an episode following one storyline (with a few flashbacks) and holy shit they deliver every time.

The first 10/10 episode of the season!!!! 🥳🥳🥳

Seeing Bobby's backstory with how he grew up/what his family was like... I... genuinely have no words.

I do, however, have words about the main story with Bobby trying to talk to Amir.

One of those words being "incredible". I was so invested in the absolute cinema that, you guys saw, I was barely commenting I was so engrossed. Just taking it all in.

(Again, fuck the promo for making it seem like Amir was gonna go psycho crazy on Bobby with repressed anger. I know the promos are made to get you excited about the next episode, but they could've just had Amir's speech at the AA meeting and Bobby going out to the desert and asking about Amir. But whatever, I'm not on the promo team)

One thing I can point out that I absolutely loved was when Amir told Bobby the reason he spoke up was because he was sizing him up, trying to see how someone who was responsible for so much loss and pain was able to carry on. "Pretty damn easy it seems." Bobby says "that's not actually true" but as Amir goes on about how Bobby was talking about how blessed he's been and how he doesn't want Bobby's apologies or any of his ways to make amends, Bobby doesn't jump in at any time and try to correct him about his own struggles.

He doesn't bring up how he lost his family, how he went even deeper into alcoholism, or how he had a book where he would write down the names of 148 people he saved as a way to make up for the 148 ones who died because of the fire he caused, and that once the book was filled he was gonna kill himself.

People are allowed to be angry. If you screwed up something in someone's life, intentionally or not, and they are angry at you for that, trying to put your perspective in how things went or trying to tell them how you've changed as a person since then is a fucking terrible thing to do because then you'd be invalidating their feelings and making it about you.

None of that.

He let Amir speak his mind and tell him his pain, even if he didn't know the whole story. If Bobby tried to correct him or interject about the fact that he actually suffered greatly, it would've felt like he was trying to make what Amir was saying seem almost irrelevant because "you're wrong, I was hurt by my actions too and I'm still trying to get over it just like you".

There are some people in this world who will never forgive you for some of the things you've done, whether it's genuine wrongdoings or petty bullshit. If you try to insert yourself into their life, just to bring up how wrong they are about you because you've changed/they don't have the full story or how they're being childish and need to just forgive you already, you're being an asshole.

Even when Bobby and Amir are in the hospital after everything's said and done and Bobby talks to him one more time, Amir even says "Please tell me you're not gonna keep coming back here until I forgive you because that's not-" before he gets cut off by Bobby saying he doesn't expect his forgiveness. Thank fuck.

Bobby just lets him know that he's heard him and he acknowledges the pain he's caused him. And while he does bring up he didn't just walk away from the fire, instead of taking that time to express his own loss and pain, Bobby just tells him that he's carried it with him every day and night since and that he knows there's nothing he can do to erase all the pain he's caused to Amir and the other families. He even proves that he's carried it with him by giving Amir his wife's info, including which number she was on the list of people who died in the fire. He doesn't make it about him, he keeps focus on the feelings of Amir and the others he's hurt, and I'm so thankful for that. Amir may never want to see Bobby again after this, and that's okay!

That is one thing I've gotten sick of seeing in cartoons/movies/tv shows/etc. The whole forcing forgiveness trope thing is so overdone and unnecessary. The amount of times I've seen people or characters doing the most horrendous stuff only to be forgiven by the people they've hurt because of "forgive and forget" and "letting go of the anger in their hearts so they can move on" is absolute bullshit. Or someone would've done something in their past and as a different person in the present, they go out of their way to track down the people they've hurt and won't leave them alone until they can see just how much they've changed as a person and eventually decide to forgive them.

Fuck off.

I was a bit worried at the beginning that that's where 911 was taking the story, but they didn't and I'm so fucking glad. They had their talk and while he didn't have to say anything, Amir tells Bobby that he became a nurse so he can do for others what he couldn't do the night of the fire and that's saving his wife. That's the last thing we hear from him. He could later tell Bobby he never wants to see him again, to get out of his life, or even to go fuck himself. We don't get full confirmation if he actually forgives him or not after their second talk, and you know what? I didn't mind that one bit.

If you've wronged someone and try to make amends for what you've done, no matter how big or small, but they never want to see you again, leave them be. If you've wronged someone and try to make amends, but they don't want to listen to you and instead decide to spend their life constantly reminding you of what you did and harassing you about it to make you feel bad, block them on social media and get a restraining order.

It's that simple.

(btw if we go into the next episode and Bobby is constantly checking up on Amir but Amir didn't forgive him or it turns out Amir is the one who set the grill(?) on fire outside of Bobby and Athena's place as a way to "get back at him" then I'm disregarding everything I'm saying about this episode and the score will plummet from a 10/10 to a 2/10. 911 I've got my eye on you.)

[mi-rae07]

Jung Wooyoung : Again

Pairing : Jung Woo-young (Ateez) and named character (Shin Iseul)

______________

Synopsis : Wooyoung left her thinking she had cheated on him. But when Iseul catches a fever few days later and is at her lowest, wooyoung seems to find her. Will he take care of her all over again? Or is his pride going to come in the way.

_______________ 

Iseul coughed as she felt her eyes get blurry from how sick she was, her hands fumbling around to find some medicine. But she found none, she just couldn't in this state. Iseul bent down on the floor, sniffing as she felt liquid run down her nose.

She needed him, god she wanted him close to her so bad. But he had left her, he had said he never wanted to see her again.

______________________

FLASHBACK :

Wooyoung : you were with that man.

Iseul : no! no, woo I was not.

Wooyoung : really? You're lying to my face now, iseul?

Iseul : him and I are just friends, I swear-

Wooyoung : MINA SAW YOU KISSING EACH OTHER, ISEUL! WHAT ARE YOU SAYING!

Iseul : why do you trust her more than me? Why do I have no say in any of this?

Wooyoung : a cheater has no right. I gave you my entire heart and you broke it apart. And for that I hate you, iseul. I will always fucking hate you.

Iseul : I have only ever loved you, wooyoung. I have not even thought about cheating on you, even once. You keep believing that lady over me, ALL THE TIME-

Wooyoung : BECAUSE SHE'S NEVER ONCE LIED TO ME, WHILE YOU'VE LIED EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU WENT OUT WITH HIM!

Iseul : THAT'S BECAUSE I'M SCARED OF HOW YOU MIGHT REACT, WOOYOUNG!

Wooyoung : GOD, FUCK THIS!

Wooyoung took his bracelet off and threw it at iseul, the edge hitting her tear-stained cheeks as his promise bracelet fell to the floor in front of iseul's feet.

Iseul : no-

Wooyoung : I'm breaking up with you.

Iseul : wooyoung, I swear I did not kiss him. Why won't you believe me-

Wooyoung : I SAID WE'RE DONE, SHIN ISEUL!

And before she could say anything, he had already left.

__________________________

Iseul was now sitting on the floor while trying to breathe through her mouth, her nose already blocked and bleeding. She needed to wipe the blood off of her nose, but she couldn't stand up and neither could she see straight.

Maybe she was going to die here like this. And maybe she didn't mind.

??? : ISEUL! PLEASE! OPEN THE DOOR FOR ME!

Iseul's eyes widened as she recognized the voice outside her apartment door, her hands clenching against the fabric of her sweaty dress as she kept quiet.

Wooyoung : NO, PLEASE. I'M SO SORRY, LET ME TALK!

Iseul said nothing, partly because she was gasping for air and partly because the blood tricking down her nose was starting to somehow scare her. She had never been this sick, wooyoung had never let that happen.

Wooyoung : ISEUL! I'M GOING TO BREAK THIS DOOR OPEN IF YOU DON'T LET ME IN, PLEASE!

Iseul could care less. She couldn't even move from her place anymore and was barely managing to so much as breathe. A few seconds later iseul heard the click sound indicating the door was now open, letting wooyoung in. she wasn’t shocked he knew the password, she hadn't really changed it.

A gasp was heard as wooyoung walked into the room where iseul was sitting crouched on the floor, her hands chipped with blood.

Wooyoung : oh no no no, iseul.

Wooyoung rushed towards her, kneeling on the ground as his breathing got heavy from sheer panic. He had never seen her this way before.

Wooyoung : no, what's…what's wrong with you. What's going on, please just-

Iseul : le-leave.

Wooyoung brought his trembling hand towards iseul's pale cold ones, his eyes teary

Wooyoung : I'm so sorry. God, this is all my fault I never should have left.

Iseul : but you di-did.

Wooyoung : seul-

Iseul : why'd you come back? That bitch told you the truth?

Wooyoung : no, no she said nothing. I just…I decided to come by myself because I missed you. And I just…I had this feeling you were hurt-

Iseul : don't give me bullshit, wooyoung.

Wooyoung moved closer to iseul, holding her cheek as he said

Wooyoung : I came back because I wanted to. I came back because I realized I was stupid to not trust you after all the love that you had showered me with. I was…I was wrong, iseul.

Iseul looked up at wooyoung with her hazy eyes, her nose still runny. Wooyoung leaned forward and kissed iseul's forehead before whispering

Wooyoung : I'm here right now and I'm going to make this better for you. Even if you don't love me anymore, let me do that. Please.

Iseul just stared at wooyoung as he lifted her up, carrying her in his arms as iseul's arms and legs wrapped weakly around wooyoung's body. Wooyoung laid a hand on the back of her neck, iseul's head on his shoulders as wooyoung carried iseul to her bedroom effortlessly. He knew what had to be done.

Wooyoung laid iseul on the bed before rushing outside, taking all that was required before rushing back to iseul's room.

Wooyoung : you have to eat your food and then your medicines, and I'll clean you up because the sweat and blood contributes to your being ill. And then I-

Wooyoung paused as he realized iseul was just staring at him, a blank look on her face.

Wooyoung : seul-ie?

Iseul : you're terrible. You…you hurt me and now you're trying to he-heal me?

Wooyoung : I regret hurting you, baby. I wish I had never done it, I regretted it every single fucking day.

Iseul looked away, coughing hoarsely as wooyoung sighed and kept the food tray on the bedside table before holding iseul's arm.

Wooyoung : you have to sit up.

Iseul : I don't want to.

Wooyoung : iseul-

Iseul : I will not eat the food you made.

Wooyoung pressed his lips together at the harsh words, his heart clenching.

Wooyoung : I…I didn't make them.

Iseul : don't lie to me, wooyoung.

Wooyoung : please, just this once. Iseul, you're too sick love. Please just let me-

Iseul : you're making me feel even sicker.

Wooyoung : is this what you want? Do you want to keep hurting me?

Iseul stared at wooyoung as he sat down, taking the bowl of soup in his hands before saying

Wooyoung : then do it. Hurt me all you want, say whatever you want to say. While drinking this soup, you can. You can call it bad, you can say it tastes terrible, say whatever the hell you want. But please, please just have this.

Iseul stared at wooyoung, not saying anything back. Wooyoung sighed and brought the spoon of soup closer to her lips as iseul slowly had it, the liquid soothing her dry, burning throat.

Iseul : you left me. You left me when you were supposed to fucking stay. And now you're here feeding me soup.

Wooyoung fed iseul another spoon of soup, not saying anything.

Iseul : you broke all the promises you had ever made me when you left. You broke it all apart.

Wooyoung still said nothing.

Iseul : what makes you think I would take you back after all that?

Wooyoung : I don't. I don't think you will ever take me back. I just don't want to see you sick, that's why I'm here.

Iseul : stop lying, jung wooyoung.

Wooyoung : you wouldn’t believe me even if I said the truth anymore, seul-ah. You're allowed to hate me all you want, I was wrong.

Iseul : you're trying to play the victim now.

Wooyoung : I'm not, I'm only trying to make you get better.

Wooyoung brought another spoon of soup forward before feeding it to iseul, her eyebrows furrowed at the taste. She missed his food, but she wasn't going to tell him that.

Iseul : what if you hadn't come today? What if you'd have continued to believe that I cheated on you? Would I have just died in here-

Wooyoung : don't say that! Iseul, you are not going to…to die. Not before I do.

Iseul rolled her eyes, looking away as she said

Iseul : because we totally get to decide that.

Wooyoung sighed as he kept the soup bowl away, taking the medicine before bringing it towards iseul's lips

Wooyoung : open.

Iseul opened them as wooyoung put the pills in her mouth before handing a glass of water, iseul drinking it down quickly.

Wooyoung : now sleep, I'll be right outside. If you need anything, just call me.

Wooyoung was about to get up and leave when iseul whispered under her breath

Iseul : you're leaving again.

Wooyoung : no. no iseul, I'm not going to leave you. I'll be right outside-

Iseul : and I can believe that? That you're just going to stay outside until I wake up?

Wooyoung : iseul-

Iseul : stay here next to me.

Wooyoung stared at iseul, half shocked. She'd told him she hated him, and now she wanted him to stay. Iseul lifted her hand and held wooyoung's arm, pulling him down on the bed as wooyoung fell right next to iseul.

Iseul : stay here until I wake up. You cannot leave.

Wooyoung supposed he could do that.

________________________________________

In fact wooyoung didn't leave. Because even when iseul had woken up hours later, dehydrated and half-asleep, wooyoung had his head rested on her hand, his eyes closed. But she did not fail to notice the dry tear-stains on his cheeks, and the irregular breathing pattern that he now possessed. He was having a nightmare, it was obvious with the way he was clenching his hand and mumbling small things under his breath.

Iseul reached out for him, hating the way her body reacted to seeing wooyoung in pain. She unconsciously brought her hand to wooyoung's hair, slowly resting her hand on it before whispering

Iseul : wooyoung.

He did not wake up. In fact, that only seemed to make it all worse. Iseul stroked wooyoung's hair, now slowly starting to sit up as she said

Iseul : wooyoung wake up, it's only a nightmare.

Again, he did not wake up.

Iseul : wooyoung! Wooyoung, you have to wake up, I'm right here!

At that wooyoung seemed to flinch hard as he quickly sat up straight, his teary eyes blinking as it tried adjusting to the surroundings. Wooyoung was breathing heavily, his eyes staring into iseul's worried, concerned ones. Wooyoung gulped as he looked away before asking

Wooyoung : did you need something? Water?

Iseul frowned at that. Wooyoung was clearly a mess from the nightmare he just had and the first thing he asked was whether she needed something?

Iseul : what was that?

Wooyoung : what was what?

Iseul : the nightmare.

Wooyoung : nothing, it was nothing.

Iseul : wooyoung, tell me. What was that nightmare about, what about it was so scary to you?

Wooyoung : you don't have to know-

Iseul : except I want to, so tell me.

Wooyoung sighed, looking away as he said under his breath

Wooyoung : I have a fear of abandonment. Autophobia, it's called. I just…I have these nightmares sometimes, that's all.

Iseul : you…you didn't have them when we were together.

Wooyoung : because we were together. Now you're gone, and that sort of…triggers the phobia, I suppose.

Iseul felt her heart drop at his words.

Iseul : wooyoung-ah, why didn't you tell me?

Wooyoung : because I didn't want you to stay only because of that. I'm not entitled to any of that from you after what I did.

Iseul stared at wooyoung who had his head lowered, his shoulders slumped. Iseul let out a breath and held a hand out for wooyoung to hold before saying

Iseul : come here.

Wooyoung : no. no stop.

Iseul : woo, I said come to me. You listen to me when I tell you, okay? So come to me.

Wooyoung slowly got onto the bed, the blanket engulfing the lower part of his body as iseul pulled wooyoung towards her. She put her arms around his upper body, wooyoung's head now rested on her chest as his hand gripped the side of iseul's waist.

Wooyoung : you don't have to-

Iseul : shh.

Iseul pulled the blanket over wooyoung and herself, her hands gently tapping the side of wooyoung's biceps as wooyoung slowly brought his head up to look at iseul with his teary eyes. She held his wet cheek, stroking her thumb along it before whispering

Iseul : don't cry.

Wooyoung : I'm sorry.

Iseul : no don't be sorry either. Woo, I'm not abandoning you.

Wooyoung nuzzled his head back into iseul's chest, tears falling down his eyes as he whispered

Wooyoung : you are abandoning me, iseul.

Iseul : no. you abandoned me, wooyoung. It's not the other way around.

Iseul paused as wooyoung suddenly sobbed against her chest, his grip on her waist tightening as he said in a broken voice

Wooyoung : I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean it, I regret it, iseul! I wish I hadn't done it and I-

Wooyoung cut himself off with another heart-wrenching sob, iseul's grip on wooyoung tightening as he whispered

Wooyoung : I miss you. I miss you so fucking much, I don't know how to even function without you, iseul.

Iseul pressed her lips against the top of wooyoung's head, sniffling as she said

Iseul : I missed you too.

Wooyoung looked up at iseul, his messed up, teary face coming to her view. He looked up at her with eyes filled with desperation and plead, his hands shaking as he said

Wooyoung : please don't leave me. Please don’t let go, please. I have…I have no one except you, please don't leave me iseul.

Iseul : I won't leave you, wooyoung. I never was planning to, until I got sick. I was planning to prove my innocence to you-

Wooyoung : I don’t need it. God, I don't need it!

Wooyoung leaned forward and captured iseul's lips in his, making her eyes widen as she said

Iseul : no! I'm sick and you'll-

Wooyoung : let me catch it. I can suffer a million of these fevers if it means being able to kiss you. Again, and again.

________________________

[sourbinnie]

title -> el tonto genre -> angst to fluff plot -> remembering what your ex did to you didn't affect you like it used to when someone else took his place and showed you true love. pair -> jeongin x gn!reader warnings -> seungmin being a seungmeanie + cursing + mentioned cheating words -> 1306 lowercase intended

el tonto que me dejaste pero no estoy triste salgo de noche hasta tarde y tú solo quieres saber como pude borrarte yo sé que me viste el gucci que me regalaste puesto pa' salir con él

el tonto / lola indigo & quevedo

"so now you're with my best friend? very classy of you (y/n)".

i heard behind my back when i was leaving and i just sighed. it was as if i was hit with a wave of flashbacks, him saying the nastiest things possible to me, him trying his best to break it down to me that he found somebody new, him in a very subtle way trying to put the blame on me for not being enough & finally him deciding to end things with me because i am way too complicated for his liking.

i spent months in my bed, tears running down my face as i tried to think of everything i did wrong (or what i thought i did wrong at the time). looking for the mistakes that could have been, looking for a way to fix things, to let him know that i am not all that he's thinking. i didn't get out of my house, i tried to compose myself and still do my daily tasks: eat, work, hang out with friends, visit family but i wasn't the same inside and you could tell by looking at me outside. the worst part was probably the fact that my friend group and his collided, i always tried to chill with one friend at a time but sometimes i would see his crew looking back at me like i was a piece of trash. all except for one.

"it's none of your business who i'm seeing, seungmin." i said and just smiled bitterly as i did not want to see him right now. but he kept on following me and shaking his head like he needed an answer from me when there was nothing to say. "okay what is it? just say it and we can get it over with." i said to him and this time i looked at him in the eye. 

it's been so long since i saw him and it felt so weird, so distant and so unfamiliar. it was as if he never meant anything to me when months ago i was bawling my eyes out over him being with a new guy/girl. turns out that relationship ended as soon as it started and i wonder why? that's when the turning point started and i started realizing maybe it wasn't me all along who was the problem.

"what makes you think you can just leech onto jeongin like that? he's gonna realize who you truly are, you know that right?" and i couldn't help but snort like what was he even saying? sounding like a cartoon villain. it was my turn to shake my head and respond to him.

"who i truly am? oh right complicated, clingy, too much for you and guess what? he loves those things about me," i said proudly since i learned to embrace my flaws but also realize that they're not really bad things. so what i want cuddles, i want attention and love to go on dates? he provides all of that while i also understand that we sometimes need space from one & another, that his work isn't the most normal out there and that he isn't always available. i tried my best to be there for him like he was there for me, that makes me a bad person? jesus, how delusional is he? starting to think about what i saw in him in the first place. "also why do you care so much? yes he's your friend but you know at the end of the day all the things you said about me were bullshit, all the accusations and the insults are so immature on your part and he's happy with me, let him be happy with me seungmin".

he was clearly shocked that i was speaking to him this way, he really thought i couldn't stand up for myself and my relationship. it's like i could hear his thoughts right now, calling me awful things one after the other. i decided it was my cue to leave as i grabbed my things again and tried to walk away.

"didn't i gift you that?" he asked, looking at my outfit. and fuck, i forgot really that the shirt i was wearing was one of his gifts. i was hoping that it wouldn't be a big deal.

"yes and they're wearing it because they look amazing in it." it was as if he was a dream come true, jeongin appeared right beside me as he grabbed my hand. i just smiled and blushed like i was in high school all over again as i looked at him, he always brought the butterflies to my stomach, the blush to my cheeks and i fell in love with him all over again as i saw him. "hyung i know that you're trying to protect me and that this might be weird but i'm not a kid anymore and i made my decision to date (y/n) because i'm in love with them".

silence fell.

for seungmin because jeongin never spoke back to him, sometimes being too shy to do so and sometimes out of respect since he was one year older than him. for jeongin because he couldn't believe he just did that, it wasn't disrespectful but it was kind of surprising for him to do something like this. for me it was...

"you're in love with me?" i asked, my voice getting smaller as i was in disbelief. 

"of course i am darling." he said as if it was the most normal thing out there and i was about to kiss him but then i remembered, yeah we're standing in front of my ex boyfriend. "just please hyung, stay out of my relationship and tell the others the truth, i'm tired of everyone looking at (y/n) like that when they didn't do anything wrong." as if he wasn't perfect enough, he knew exactly what to say and at what time.

seungmin nodded finally and decided to back off from me.

"i'm sorry (y/n), i'm happy that you found someone and if it's innie, i'll understand," he said and before he left, one last thing was still on his mind. "you guys do look good together, i hope you find happiness like you deserve."

i just nodded and waved as he left, i couldn't even fake a smile because of how much it still hurt deep down inside. but in reality now, on the outside you could see me glow like something new in me was sparkling. maybe it was the lesson that i was taught, the things that were slowly progressing how i liked or maybe it just was finding him. like i said earlier, innie was the only one who never looked at me that way. he wasn't close to me when i dated seungmin but when we broke up, it was as if something pulled him to me, to protect me and to be there for me. as much as i wanted to do things my way, all alone and not receive any help, i could not say that it was all my effort. jeongin showed so much love and care for me, he listened to me and didn't know what to say most of the time but he was there to hold on my worst moments and that's all i could ask for.

"what are you thinking about love?" he said and i looked at him but then quickly closed my eyes and gave him a sweet kiss. his hands traveled to my waist as he brought me closer to him. not wanting it to end but i couldn't help but smile and when i saw his smile glowing, it was enough to make me feel like home.

"you, always thinking about you innie..."

[theninth09]

This isn’t anything deep but I just love that both Liam and Theo know how to fake cry and have utilised. Liam when Scott and Stiles tied him up and Theo in the police station and in Scott’s car.

Also off topic, but is Liam blonde? Cuz I see illustrations and some fics where he is written as a blonde guy. I honestly kinda like the idea of blonde Liam.

omg you're right. liam even went all out with those teary puppy dog eyes and that weird whimper he does... like its not just forcing a little tear, he actually tries to appear as if hes scared with his facial expressions. and i mean, maybe he was a bit scared. just a lil. he doesnt believe that sciles are telling him the truth at that point (obviously) but getting attacked by some creature-person, scott biting him and then kidnapping him? even though liam handles that situation impressively well, i do think there was a little real fear inside of him. so maybe he drew on that as well to be even more convincing.

actually- this would fit thiams conversation in the truck from s6ep16. "people only feel one emotion at a time, liam. which is why you get angry when you're afraid." if we assume that he was afraid because of getting tied up and everything, this would explain his aggressive behavior afterwards. i think he definitely fakes most of it (the crying), but this may be a pattern for liam, as theo points out. instead of demanding an explanation from sciles, he attacks them and runs away. sure, he just thinks they're crazy and wants to get away from them. but its not like scott kidnapped him for no reason. liam saw. he witnessed a "person" not looking or acting like a person. he got attacked by it. he felt scott's fangs, he saw scott. as a human, none of that has a reasonable explanation. so him getting angry and running away... that was probably him actually being scared bc he cant make sense of what happened to him.

regardless, its impressive (and really funny) that he makes himself cry and puts on this "im just a scared boy :(" show. its even more impressive bc stiles seems to fall for it? stiles, famously known for Not falling for anyone's bullshit, stilinski? believing liam? like, okay. this feels like further proof to me that liams fear, at least, was real bc in later seasons hes kinda bad at pretending (that scene in s6a where him and mason show up at the house where sciles were bc of the ghostriders and he goes "h-hey what. what are u doing here" lmao) Anyway. love this instance of his quick thinking skills. hes actually very smart (when he wants to be.)

and theo does it constantly, yeah. those scenes are actually some of my favorites, if not my absolute favorites, from him in s5. its just so good and so hilarious how he makes himself small and makes his voice go all quiet and he literally starts stuttering and stumbling over his words, just for him to do his Evil Grin as soon as no one is looking at him anymore. makes me wonder what watching s5 would've been like if they hadn't shown us who theo actually is. i think that would've been kinda cool, getting manipulated and lied to by him as a viewer, just as he does to the pack. the twist at the end of s5a not only being a surprise to the characters, but the one's watching as well. and then getting shown his evil schemes in flashbacks... idk. could've been fun.

and okay omg. liams hair is so confusing to me. because in s4, he definitely looks blonde to me. look at this.

thats blonde. not the lightest blonde ever, sure, but still. maybe a dirty blonde or whatever term fits here. i personally wouldnt call this brown. right? right. i think we can agree. blonde. in s5 his hair looks much the same, maybe a tiny bit darker but still.

and then. Then. s6ep1. excuse this weird fucking picture, its the only scene where his hair is like this.

like. okay... on top it looks blonde, but it's noticeably darker at his neck. but again, this is the only scene in s6 where his hair is like this. in the same episode, even before this scene, his hair is darker, like its the entire rest of s6. pics for reference:

the first one is the very first scene of s6ep1 and the lighting is shit but its still obviously dark. like that's brown. that is Brown.

so like obviously they filmed that kissing scene before any other scenes. makes sense, since that exact hairstyle is also the hairstyle he has at the very end of s5b. so like. is he blonde??? did they dye his hair??? i have genuinely no idea. if they did dye his hair, why? or did his hair just become darker as he aged? but in some scenes it looks like his roots are lighter than the rest of his hair...

i wish i could tell you what his hair color is. people have their own opinions about this, bc ive seen fanart where hes very blonde but ive also read fics where he gets described as having "raven locks" which?? i think of black when reading that. idk. its whatever. hes a blonde, a brunette, go wild. whatever makes you happy.

[sardonic-the-writer]

↳ notes: basic unfinished information on my supernatural sona, ezra/azrael. more info to come. art in the middle by @noxious-fennec

↳ playlist: supernatural/ezra playlist

unfinished basic information. will be updated overtime

• real name azrael, uses ezra larue as an alias. it’s an anagram. his full real name is azrael rue basil. his mom named him that because she believed that giving him a biblical name could help keep him safe from the demon she made a deal with all those years ago

• born 1976 in maine, america, to a single mom. she died the night the yellow eyed demon came and bled in his mouth, marking him as one of the chosen kids. later on we discover his powers are being extra good at communicating with the dead (i.e, he can see them without having to summon them, and talk to them with no problem. his powers stop when he dies, but it’s not like it really matters considering he becomes a ghost himself)

• appears officially in the show season two episode twenty one in the ghost town with all the other special kids. only it’s that sam is the only one who can see him, and he only appears in short bursts. it isn't explained what he’s doing or who he is in that episode, and we only see him again at the end of season three episode two, and he sort of sticks around with the winchesters for a while after that.

• is a ghost; only nobody figures that out for a few more episodes. mainly up until season three episode nine where he’s outed by demons and promptly yelled at by dean and sam

• his personality consists of being very exhausted with everyone's bullshit, while also contributing to said bullshit. as seasons pass by he ends up trying to make the best of his predicaments instead of stewing in them like he could

• he wears a beanie constantly. at first its just because he physically can’t change clothes, constantly wearing a dark blue beanie, an overcoat, patchy pants and shin length black boots; but after that changes, he still wears the thing. almost never takes it off, and no one has ever seen him without it. it’s a staple of his wardrobe. he gets his kicks from wearing ones with different colors nearly everyday

• when he’s a ghost, ezra has a nasty open head wound at the base of his skull that’s just barely concealed by his beanie. it’s the injury he sustained in one of his last living moments that caused him to bleed out, and he keeps it hidden from nearly everyone — even after he’s discovered to be a ghost. other than that, he has a pair of nasty claw marks running across the blunt of his face in a horizontal motion. they work wonders when trying to intimidate people, but he is a little disappointed when they don’t go away when he’s revived

• after season three episode nine, there's an episode dedicated to how ezra got to where he did. it’s an episode dedicated to purely just him; retracing all his steps up until he was killed in the ghost town, what happened after, why he decided to work with the winchesters, and basically everything someone would need to know about ezra. the episode doesn't end there, and comes back to the present where it’s revealed all of that had been a flashback as ezra explained himself to the winchesters. the episode goes from there, and in a moment after the conversation/fight, ezra decides that it’s best if he leaves, so he does. none of them hear from him again until the season three finale where he comes back in a dire moment of need to help dean

• prefers to keep going by ezra even after he’s outed as a ghost. he feels weird when people call him azrael, so he prefers that they don’t. the only time he’s ever called that is when someone that knows him personally (like sam or dean) gets real mad, or upon first meeting castiel who doesn’t grasp the idea of nicknames for a bit

• a bit of what was included in the backstory episode goes as follows: he died in the little hunger games type situation that the yellow eyed demon had going on months before sam arrived, but for some reason he didn’t just completely die. most of his remains were salted and burned, save for a pinky bone he keeps tied around his neck in a little pouch, which is the explanation for how he's kept a spirit, but also can move around freely and is not tied to one place. the necklace is one of the few things he can touch normally almost immediately after his death. everything else takes a little time and practice. his favorite way to do so is by tossing a stress ball in the air constantly. it’s almost like training a muscle

• when he comes back during season four, it’s almost immediately. he shows up, hair wild and out of breath on sam’s doorstep. also, alive. that’s the big one

• apparently once he heard the news about dean coming back, he decided to come out of whatever place he’d holed up in and reunite with the brothers. they thought he had been put to rest after lilith beamed him with the white light, but lo and behold, he’s alive and well. and looking about ten times better now that he is. the logic behind it is unexplained for a bit

• he’s immediately roped into about everything that goes on with the winchesters; i’m talking hunting trips and all. not that he cares too much. this is what he signed up for. in his own words, ‘i got a second chance. i’m not gonna waste it this time.’

• before he was killed, he hated touching people. but after not being able to touch people, touch anything, for nearly a year and a half, he changes his mind a little. he still isn't partial to touching, but sometimes he needs it to ground himself. to remind himself and his body that he’s still living, still present, and not going anywhere anytime soon. his favorite way to do so is by gripping someones hand as tight as possible, or simply pressing his forehead to someones palm. a lot of the time it ends up being sam since he’s a little better at empathizing on the fly, but later on he’ll use castiel for those sorts of things since he won't ask a ton of questions. usually.

• after meeting castiel for the first time in the shack while defending anna, they finally realize where they recognized him from. it took them a hot minute, considering the feeling that they knew him was only a faint tug at the back of his brain, but ezra eventually recognizes him as the faint figure they saw in the background after lilith blasted him with the white beam. the only thing they remember after that was waking up covered in nothing but a blanket inside some musty hotel room weeks later,

• he’s a great artist. he loves to draw, even if he barely has time to do it anymore. can occasionally be seen with a sketchbook, but his skills are never brought up unless they are needed for a case (i.e, posing as a police sketch artist to interview people)

• hates hates hates small spaces and werewolves. the former is less of a fear and more of a phobia, but i digress. his fear/fears stem from his first ever official interaction with the supernatural world when he was a teenager on a camping trip at a summer camp. one of his counselors turned out to be a werewolf (because what better way than to rip prime human hearts out then at a secluded summer camp) and nearly massacred his entire camp before ezra managed to stumble away. it slashed him with its claws across his face while chasing him, hence his life long scarring, but wasn't able to kill him, as he narrowly evaded the monster by falling down an abandoned well that the camp used to use before decommissioning it. he was stuck there for over a day before the police showed up, and he's been claustrophobic ever since

• slept with crowley in one of the earlier seasons. it was a whole mess, and it nearly severed him and deans relationship as a result. but they managed to pull through. as a result, they have a really weird relationship with crowley, especially while he’s teetering on being the winchester's mortal enemy and an ally

• there’s an air of unspoken mystery around ezra. for example, in the french mistake, there’s no actor for ezra in the universe. just an unnamed intern that looks like ezra, and wears ezra’s clothes, but has no name and no role. doesn’t mean much to sam and dean or really anyone ever, but its a nod to the fact that he’s technically a sona and not canon in the spn universe (our universe)

• ezra and gabriel are best friends for life, actually. he’s devastated when he quote unquote ‘dies’ in season five. really really liked the trickster/archangel, even if he flirted with them a lot

• ezra’s nicknames for the following people goes as so: dean (dean-o, hot-shot), sam (samantha, gigantor), castiel (feathers, cassie), gabriel (casanova), lucifer (horns and pitchfork). more to come

[woodsfae]

Babylon 5 S03E20 And the Rock Cried Out, No Hiding Place previous episode - table of contents

It's kinda wild how much b5 is exactly to my tastes. Take this (and many other!) episode titles for example. Pretentious? Maybe. Poetic? Certainly. Full of allusion? Definitely. Makes me get shivers? Absolutely.  They even give me things to complain about. I'm well settled into complaining loudly about Londo bullshit.

Last episode's beverage (for data point purposes) was straight tequila with pepsi chaser. The hangover was vile and I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't sleep for three hours. Today's beverage - Bitterroot Brewing Co "Dirt Church" ipa. It's alright for an IPA.

"Z MINUS 14 DAYS"

I see we've moved several letters on from "t."

Yeah!! It's another Susan Ivanova personal log episode. The telepaths they've recruited are being dispersed. Sheridan is tired, and Franklin is still pacing the halls. 

All the telepaths are being accompanied by a single Narn bodyguard. Fingers crossed for some of those bodyguards to start developing some telepathy of their own after spending a long time in close quarters with a telepath!!

Londo thinks it's time to "take care of" G'Kar?? FUCK OFF.  He wants G'Kar tricked back to Narn and executed. Thanks to the previous flashbacks, I am well aware that this plot won't play out with G'Kar's actual death. But I still want to strangle Londo. Can I isekai into B5 just long enough to goddamn murder that man?? 

Religious Theo of the religious group whatevever is being highlighted this episode. In theory I appreciate how diverse B5 is, religiously speaking. In practice....ehhh. At least when it comes to people quoting the KJV and referring to "the lord" every other sentence. 

Sheridan does look rough. And there's Delenn!!! Pretty in pink. 

"[Ivanova] said you were carrying on cranky. I looked up cranky, it said grouchy. I looked up grouchy, it said crochetly. No wonder you have such an eccentric culture. None of your words have their own meaning!" 

LOL!! Delenn is so cute. Also, very seriously, I apologize to every person who needs to learn English as an adult. It's a mess. 

Once I saw a gif of Delenn propping herself up on a elbow in bed with Sheridan and I have been FERAL to see that scene ever since. Maybe today will be the episode? Delenn climbs in bed with Sheridan to make him sleep??

Na'Toth might be alive. Or her name might simply be a trap for G'Kar. I don't think Londo's plan is going to work out. If he didn't go back to Narn for literally every other Narnuan, I'm not sure he'd go back for his aide who is probably dead. Also I 100% have more faith in Vir than this. Idk where he got them, but he has a surprisingly well-developed set of morals and empathy. 

Vir: "I won't. I won't go. I won't do it."

VIR BABY. Just say you'll do it, then go and collude and G'Kar. Londo is unhinged, threatening to have Vir's family stripped naked and whipped through the streets of Centaur's capital. What a fuck. He ought to be directing his energies towards getting back Lord Whatshisface who killed Adira on behalf of the Shadows. Refa. The show reminds me in a timely manner. 

Speaking of Refa, he's giving very desperate vibes. Trying too hard to suck up, and that puts blood in the water for the sharks to scent!!

Well. Hopefully even if Vir gives into Londo's threat and tries to trick G'Kar, his obvious nerves give away that something's wrong. 

Back to Londo and the Centauri court shenanigans. Londo is, undeniably, good at putting on the type of political front that works well on Centaur. 

Susan's blowout is so good every day I have to assume it's part of the high-tech auto-dryer when you step out of the shower...or something. Because there's no way that SUSAN IVANOVA is spending twenty minutes every day achieving the most ideal blowout that has ever been hair-dried into existence. 

OK I like the religious cabal a bit better now that I know they're smuggling up-to-date information about Earth politics into Bably 5. 

GODDANG IT. G'Kar is trying to sneak back onto Narn. Well. At least I know he lives to die another day. 

Vir, I am disappointed in. 

Centaur attack on Vir!! He lives to become Emperor another day as well. Stakes drop considerably when you know certain characters' ultimate fates. 

You know who I'd love to see again? AUNT PROPHETESS! Majel!! 

Lord Refa's eyebrows deserve their own acting credit. 

oooh, Centauri telepathy attack!! 

Poor Vir. If only he had been able to keep his position on Minbar. He looked less stressed-out when he was spending most of his time surrounded by a tranquil environment. 

The Baptist pastor is hanging out with Sheridan, who is struggling to relax enough to fall asleep while also doing paperwork. Maybe. don't do paperwork while getting ready for bed. Which the pastor is also bringing up, more delicately than I would. 

the Pastor: DELEGATE IDIOT.

OK he can stay. He is speaking common sense. 

"When youre worry tank gets full people stop coming to you, because they don't want to add to it." 

Smart. "figure out how to relax or your people will stop reading you in in an attempt to protect you." 

"Z MINUS 13 DAYS"

Zha'ha'dum minus 13 days?? 

G'Kar made it to Narn. There's climate change from the orbital bombardment. Constant wind, particulate coming down from the upper atmosphere, poor air quality. And I doubt they had recovered from the previous Centauri occupation, and possibly not even the Shadows' occupation before that! 

Emperor Cartagia is going to be traveling to B5: that seems like a significant security risk! Maybe he'll get nerfed and we'll see the glorious ascension on Emperor Londo. 

Refa's plot is to capture G'Kar instead of letting Londo do it. Fingers crossed for neither of them getting that glory. 

Delenn says there's no pattern to the Shadows' attacks. The lack of pattern is probably the point - all over the place and unpredictable so the united forces are spread as thin and widely as possible. And the tactical data sorta supports that! They haven't attacked anything in the center of the sector, so refugees are going there. And Sheridan is picking this up now, too. They could nail all the refugees at once. 

"I think this is as much about terror as it is about territory." 

Yeah. 

Hm, Delenn is horrified by Sheridan saying he needs to think like them to beat them. Unless she has a really compelling argument against it, I'm going to have to disagree. How can you counter a tactic unless you understand it? 

Londo just knocked out a Centauri guard with a punch to rescue Vir. He gets no points from me, because he put Vir in that position. 

Unfortunately G'Kar won't get to kill Londo for quite a few years, but maybe he and the resistance will get to kill Refa and his goon squad instead. 

Damn it, Londo was two steps ahead of Refa this whole time. f.ucking annoying. Well. all Centauri warmongering genocidal politics are annoying. Refa being personally in charge of the bombardment of Narn is backfiring on his right now. 

Oh so this means that Vir was an unwitting stooge in the plot all along, and that's extra scummy, considering it resulted in Vir being mindraped and made to believe he'd just given up his mentor and employer. Very very cutthroat politics. No wonder Londo didn't name the embarassment he was planning to remove on behalf of the emperor to prove House Mollari's value. 

Baptist Pastor brought a gospel singer along with him, lol. That's very on brand. And super fucking amusing juxtaposition between her music and Refa being pursued and killed. "There's no hiding place down here." Refa being beaten to death. 

Buuuut as much as I dislike Londo, I am a fan of the person responsible for untold suffering and death getting a tiny fraction of that delivered back to them. So...annoyingly... *sigh* go Londo...

It's so fucking funny that Londo had the ability to slip refa the other half of the two-part poison all along but instead he had him beaten to death for political purposes. 

Vir is angry, but probably not enough to make him break from Londo entirely. 

Delenn has a surprise for Sheridan - "the White Star was never intended to be one of a kind, only the first..." and now there's a whole fleet. 

Hm. As far as first kisses on screen go, that one was pretty dated. I'm happy for them, but the "smear your face against the other person's face" is a style I'm glad has mostly gone away. It doesn't look very pleasant, hahah. 

Mrs Sheridan, I presume?