#none happens but I mention that it could
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YEAH IM OOMF HAI IM HAPPY UR WATCHING THE SHOW Also... biology for j0hn siIv3r.... I must know... AND THE CROSSOV3R?? You have my full interest
YIPPEEEEEE HEMLOOOOOO
oooooo yee Silver biology,,,,, hmmm (not gonna bother censoring his name for this since it's. a noun)
okay, so, he's an alien, so it should stand that he'd have interesting biology, pretty different from a human's. he does strongly resemble mammals, though, so there might be some overlap, even if it's not one-to-one. maybe like, similar overall systems, i.e. circulatory, nervous, skeletal, and what we're all here for, digestive, and some similar organs, like a heart (or hearts), lungs of some sort or another, aaaaand a stomach
or, heck, he could have multiple stomachs, maybe. he's an alien, why not? I imagine his digestive system works differently from a human's, at least in some ways, even if his mouth looks similar. slow metabolism, perhaps, to suit a somewhat more carnivorous diet? not entirely carnivorous, but more meat-heavy. and different enzymes? different fluids entirely? different organs that produce different fluids?
okay okay I can make this more interesting, lemme give it a shot
I'd like to think he has some built-in way of doing safe noms, such as a storage stomach, or a way to temporarily shut off digestion. more fun than just handwaving it to work. maybe it's a conscious decision, or maybe it's entirely subconscious, and he just has to hope that his system does what he wants it to. could make for a great trust exercise, hehehe
and one can't ignore the cybernetics. obviously we don't know, in canon (at least as far as the movie goes), how deep they go beyond the limb replacements and the prosthetic eye and ear(?), but I'm sure he could, in theory, have needed some organs replaced or like. bolstered? I'm thinking of stuff along the lines of a pacemaker, basically.
so maybe he's got some bits and bobs in there. nothing in his stomach, probably, but perhaps you could see some blinking lights through the flesh if you looked closely enough, or hear the devices running in the background, like with his prosthetics, maybe even feel them if you go poking around enough (though he probably wouldn't like you doing that very much sdgnshjfs)
this was a lot more than I anticipated having to say on the matter lmao so I'm gonna chuck the HK crossover stuff under a cut
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okay ! so ! Hollow Knight/Treasure Planet crossover time! (good gog this got long too, whoopsie)
it's effectively a 1-to-1 character swap for the most part, with HK characters taking up TP roles, and not too many changes to the canon TP plot. however, there can always be little scenes of those in-between moments we don't see in the movie!
now I. don't actually have permission to talk about the version of the AU I made with my friend, so there's gonna be some improvisations here to make a version that's more my own
Oro takes John Silver's role, no question about that, he's one of my favorite bois and I think he'd do great as a space pirate with a hidden soft side. he did not take the fight with his brother well, and he ended up going down a much darker path than he'd ever anticipated, but he holds his current place in life with pride. maybe people in the past called him heartless, but you know what? fine. he can be heartless.
Ghost is the most obvious choice for Jim's role, but I also think Broken Vessel/Lost Kin would suit it pretty well. angsty adolescent vibes, y'know? plus, Oro being parental towards them and all. but Ghost is still perfectly viable as well
either way, Mato has Sarah Hawkins' role. a very loving dad to his adopted child (or children, even? possibly?), tries his best to keep on a smile, but he is so tired. and maybe he runs a training hall instead of an inn? that's what he'd want to do, at least. maybe he runs an inn at the start, but it gets rebuilt into a training hall at the end of the plot, once he gets the money to actually follow his passions
now, Quirrel seems like the most obvious fill-in for Doctor Doppler. or perhaps Lemm? maybe Lemm, actually. Quirrel's physically capable and can hold his own in a fight, whereas Doctor Doppler is not. and nor is Lemm, probably! Quirrel has more of a wanderlust and would probably be more willing to go out and search for the treasure, but Lemm would take more value in the artifacts themselves.
in the original version of the AU, Quirrel was actually Oro's first mate (so technically taking Turnbuckle's place ig? and also. Morph's, by virtue of actually being plot-relevant (unlike Turnbuckle I mean)), and was very close to him, sort of acting as the diplomatic face of the crew, smoothing out his rough edges. despite his soft and friendly appearance, though, he's perfectly capable and willing to commit crimes
I kinda wanna keep that version of him, even if it might not make the most sense..? mainly because of my. my rarepair :>
Tiso is also there, because I say so. he's a member of Oro's crew, chills in the background, along with like. phuckin, I dunno, Leg Eater. Leg Eater matches the vibes of Silver's canon crewmates perfectly lmao. maybe Little Fool-? nah the Fools are probably their own crew. ...oh rightrightright Xero's there too, he's also on Oro's crew. possibly Markoth as well, but don't ask how he ended up keeping company with pirates. it's Xero's fault. maybe another warrior dream or two? Galien? sure why not
and Scroop is Hunter >:3 I mean sure someone else could probably take that role, and not turn the Hunter into a villain, but phuck, it would be so fun
now for Captain Amelia... I guess Hornet would make sense? I think Hornet is who most people would think of. and yeah, she's strong, she's capable, she was born to lead, and she's certainly agile. I'm sure she could fill those boots. however, in the original version of the AU, we picked Dryya, and phuckin hells. she's so cool, and it makes sense for her to have experience leading others, possibly in a military capacity
also if I went with Hornet for Captain Amelia, I would probably feel compelled to have Ogrim be Mr. Arrow (this makes sense because of Certain Other Headcanons from Other Friends okay trust me), and phuck, man, I can't kill off my boi Ogrim
no, for Mr. Arrow... Hegemol. this is because of an unwritten fic I have, actually, which involves Hunter and maggot!Hegemol, which goes about as well as you'd expect, and if the events for that particular scene of this AU go anything like how they do in my fic, well... there could be a way for Hegemol to survive, while everyone else thinks he's dead, and he's still taken out of the story. won't go into any more detail than that, though ;>
I don't really have any strong ideas for B.E.N., but I had thought that Emilitia might be pretty fitting. I may not like her too much, but I think she'd fit the role. the whole "eternal" thing, outliving her peers, going more than a little crazy, holing herself up alone somewhere...
in the original version of the AU, a past iteration of Grimm was Captain Flint, with his troupe as the pirate crew. I still think that could be cool. alternatively, Soul Master could take up that role, with his soul scholars. I think either one would work
okay is that all the important characters? I think that's all the important characters
so I don't think the Captain Amelia x Doctor Doppler ship is happening in this AU but you've got whatever homoerotic nonsense Quirrel and Oro and Quirrel's Two Other Boyfriends have going on to make up for it lmao
some aspects of the plot may change plus there'd be noms because I say so but it's mostly the same. Oro and Mato will definitely have to have some sort of confrontation. Mato might even recognize his brother from the start, if he gets a good enough look. not exactly enough time to act on it right then, though. also Quirrel and Oro take turns being mentor figures, with Oro taking longer to open up, but Quirrel also takes a while for his friendliness to be genuine and not just him playing good cop.
I did make art of Quirrel and Oro's designs for this AU like a year ago in a magma session but it kinda sucks. maybe I'll redo it someday, add some of the other characters in if I feel like it
if anyone actually read all this, hope you enjoyed my ramblings lmao. time for me to disappear into the ether for like another 3 months! /j (.../hopefully j) (....../possibly srs)
#ask#major tp spoilers#extreme cuddling#fandom vore#vore headcanons#nsx vore#swwh#t/reasure p/lanet vore#tp vore#nph rambles#(like a LOT)#long post#this is how you get me to talk sjkhskjhgsrt#should I even tag hk vore#none happens but I mention that it could#and I don't exactly have other hk tags#hk spoilers#...sure#mind my DNI#I don't feel like adding it rn. it's in my blog bio
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no one knows just how hard I work at things. how I have to work 1000000x more than the average person to compensate for being autistic and adhd and probably other things i'm working out with therapist, and having a sort of physical disability i've not received any help or treatment for. everyone assumes I don't try or give up too soon. they think I just started, need more practice. they think I expect everything handed to me immediately with no work or effort and don't acknowledge the multiple years i've put into things. they think I have no right to be upset about still failing to get where I want even after working my entire life to get there, while watching people around me surpass even my meager goals within a fraction of the time and work i've out into the same thing. constantly getting surpassed by everyone around me who seem to barely do any work to get there compared to me. it's all handed to them and falls into their lap so easily. all because they don't have the extra obstacles to overcome and work around that I do. while they go from point A to Z immediately with no major stops in between, I have to go through every single letter and then some, often getting sent back to the start. but it's always *my* fault, according to everyone. it's not the fault of those around me who ignore me, don't support me, don't help me, don't believe in me, etc. it's my fault they don't do those things. because doing the work of 10 people in one isn't enough, just because it's me. and not reaching Z as fast as everyone else means I don't deserve any of the support or help or anything else and means i'm not trying hard enough. it doesn't matter that I *need* to work harder than 100 "normal" people combined to get even half the result! Just because I can't reach what they do means i'm not trying hard enough! ugh.
#it's like they WANT me to give up!#they sure act like i'm not trying to give up/not trying if I mention how hard it is/how i'm upset I cant reach my goals after years of work#if someone tells me to just do the thing/stop giving up/try harder/practice more/it takes time/dont expect it to be handed to you/etc#ONE MORE TIME. im going to fucking lose it. in fact im losing it right now hence the rant im writing!!!!!!!#can someone for once tell me its ok to feel frustrated and they know how hard i work and try and deserve better or something idk#ugh i hate this life. sometimes i hate being neurodivergent because it stops me from doing all the things i want#and no one is willing to help because they blame me and say im not trying hard enough when EXISTING takes more work than they realize!#for fuck sake im losing my mind here. not having any support and not being able to support yourself because none of your needs get met#and you have to try to do life with higher support needs and are denied any support. its so fucking hard. idk what to do#lee rants#autistic#autism#actually autistic#adhd#neurodivergent#audhd#and probably other things that could be tagged but im exhasuted. writing this was hard and took so much energy to make words happen#words hard. how get across what want to say?????? dont know#but why is it always dismissive comments and no one offering any actual help or support that would benefit me in any way#but everyone else gets so many opportunities and support? i guess if you need extra support you arent worth anything#IM ALLOWED TO BE UPSET AND FEEL BAD. PEOPLE NEED TO STOP DISMISSING MY FEELINGS AND TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT FEELING BAD.#WHAT DO YOU WANT AND EXPECT FROM ME FOR FUCK SAKE. HOW DOES ONE TRY HARDER THAN THEIR BEST!!!#HOW DOES ONE DO SOMETHING THEY PHYSICALLY CANT IF THEY ARENT ALLOWED THE HELP AND SUPPORT REQUIRED?!#HOW DO YOU EXPECT A BIRD TO FLY IF IT WAS BORN WITHOUT WINGS#ok im done
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🖤 (from desmond!!)
attractiveness:
repulsive / hideous / ugly / not attractive / unappealing / not unattractive / meh / no preference / ok / mildly attractive / nice looking / cute / adorable / attractive / pleasant on the eyes / good looking / hot / sexy / beautiful / gorgeous / hot damn / would tap that / perfect / godlike / holy fuck there are no words.
personality:
grating / irritating / frustrating / boring / confusing at best / awkward / unreasonable / psychotic / disturbing / interesting / engaging / affectionate / aggressive (when necessary in order to protect her as her sworn sword) / ambitious / anxious / artistic / bad tempered / bossy / charismatic / appealing / unappealing / creative / courageous / dependable / unreliable / unpredictable / predictable / devious / dim / extroverted / introverted / egotistical / gregarious / fabulous / impulsive / intelligent / sympathetic / talkative / up beat / peaceful / calming / badass / flexible.
how likely they would have sex with them:
not if they were the last person on earth and the world was ending / fuck no! / never / no way / not likely / not sure / indifferent / I’m asexual / maybe / probably / it depends / fairly likely / likely / yeah sure / yes / would tap that / hell yes / fuck yes! / wishing that could happen right now (the Pain of being married & being a queen & wanting to be a good role model for your children & ur sworn sword is a kingsguard) / as many times as possible / we are already having sex.
level of friendship:
never in a million years / worst of enemies / enemies / rivals / indifferent / neutral / acquaintance / friendly toward each other / casual friends / friends / good friends / best friends / fuck buddies / bosom buddies / practically the same person / would die for them / true friends / my only friend.
first impression of them:
i hate them so much / i don’t like them / i don’t trust them / they annoy me / they’re weird / I’m indifferent / meh / they seem alright / they’re growing on me / truce / I think I like them / I like them / I’m not sure if I trust them / I trust them / they’re cool / they’re genuine / I think we’re going to get along / I really like them / I think I’m in love / oh fuck they’re hot / I love them.
current impression of them:
i hate them so much / i don’t like them / i don’t trust them / they annoy me / they’re weird / I’m indifferent / meh / they seem alright / they’re growing on me / truce / I think I like them / I like them / I’m not sure if I trust them / I trust them / they’re cool / they’re genuine / I think we’re going to get along / I really like them / I think I’m in love / oh fuck they’re hot / I love them.
send 🖤 and my character will answer about yours; specify. || ALWAYS ACCEPTING.
#answered.#sevynhells#oh g-d what if i kms#dynamic; helaena & desmond.#she's c.aed- & d.emi so like. her falling in love w/ & especially wanting to be sexually intimate w/ sb is. Very hard for her to do#SHES LIKE!!!!! SO CAREFREE YET SO RESTRAINED AROUND HIM. LIKE. THAT MAN IS HER ROCK.#like ...... he & vaenna are the first people she calls for after aegon right after b&c happened#like. she HATES how he blames himself bc literally none of this was ever his fault#like. he left his homeland in dorne in the tor to SERVE AS A KINGSGUARD BUT EVEN MORE THAN THAT TO SERVE /HER/#he devoted himself to her in a way she's never seen w/ her father towards alicent. she NEVER feels unwanted or unappreciated around him EVE#he laughs at her her jokes even when she missed the punchline or gets it wrong. he never makes her feel like a madwoman like so many ppl do#like even if he doesn't understand she never once felt like he was ever judging her. that man will track her down like a BLOODHOUND#like i genuinely believe that helaena prayed CONSTANTLY for someone like him to come around & the gods gave her him#i genuinely wouldnt be surprised bc of how close they are that aegon would've noticed that & been like jealous about it bc he's possessive#but like. she represses these desires bc like. she's MARRIED & she's the QUEEN & she has children she wants to be a good role model for#& not to mention during helaena's entire marriage to aegon she was still loyal to him despite everything bc she wants her children spared#she literally wears gold after sunfyre & has a golden sun wedding ring & so when b&c happens that's just. taken away from her.#& then there's Also her dynamic w/ vaenna her childhood best friend & her whole conflicted sapphic feelings surrounding her#& honestly she feels ashamed for having those desires at all & not to mention he's a kingsguard member so if they did anything he could DIE#& like. she cares about him & i'd say loves him & she doesnt want him to get hurt. so like its. extremely difficult for her#so yeah helaena is. Very Conflicted around him but she genuinely loves & desires that man w/ all her heart.#if anything its probably more likely in a post dance survival au that she'd Say Something About It#but like. there's definitely subtle hints thrown here & there that she tries Not to let show but you can cut thru that tension like a KNIFE#iTS SO HEARTBREAKING MAN
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Gojos new fits got me kicking my feet and gigglin
#like that shirt is vacuum sealed to him baby#wtf was the pacing of this chapter tho#and we got like none of the emotional beats i was looking for lmao#like no mention of nobara#nothin really happened with the reunion#idk a little disappointing but hey guess i just get to go read other writers fill in the gaps#also gojo apparently hid the last finger so yuji could never be executed??????#my man my man my man#jjk spoilers#jjk 222#spoilers#the finger thing is what im seeing other folks who have been translating the leaks say#so dont quote me on that but now its definetly an hc regardless
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Shugo Chara is SO GOOD at doing slice of life. The kids hang out by going to the beach, they go shopping or go to a concert, they organise parties and events, Amu spends a day out with her family at the park, she helps her mum at the market, or she goes shopping by herself (though still accompanied by her chara’s), and it feels SO GOOD to watch them do stuff like this because it reminds you of when you were a kid, OR, when you were reading/watching it as a kid, it somewhat reflected your life and made you feel really connected with all the characters and think “hey, I’ve done this”.
Even if you didn’t do most of the things they did, it felt like you could, like you were really hanging out with kids your age and going out and being all mature. They do all of this while magical beings are hanging out with them too, but they are also individual characters with personalities that at the same time, are personally connected to you.
This is why I’ve always wanted an episode where Amu just does mundane things like going to the hairdresser. Or heck even a chapter or episode where she celebrates her birthday with all her friends.
Shugo Chara has always made the mundane seem special and fun, which is why I used to think about it A LOT when I was a child and going out with family or friends. “Amu would do this, she would speak like these to her chara’s, etc.”
I still think about it sometimes like that. It’s basically why it’s my favourite story of all time; because it feels so down to earth.
#shugo chara#here’s a little thing about me: sometimes I look up at the sky and imagine amulet heart flying through it#like. it feels like SHE COULD YKNOW?? it feels like these kids protecting dreams and fighting x-eggs could happen in my backyard#that’s another thing that makes SC so unique compared to other mg shows. it doesn’t hide any of the magic#it’s probably happening in the next street or neighbourhood over#and you wouldn’t know#amu falls into a hole of a contruction sight then flies up and lands on telephone lines/scaffolding#she jumps down from her school roof and the entire school sees her and thinks she’s doing some cheerleader act#GOD I DIDNT EVEN MENTION HOW IN EPISODE 5 AMU CHARA CHANGES AND DOES A SICK FLIP 5 METERS INTO THE AIR#AND NO ONE QUESTIONS IT#I LOVE IT. NONE OF THE KIDS THINK ITS WEIRD. IT JUST HAPPENS. NOTHING QUESTIONED#a lot of the attitude that nearly everyone has in shugo chara towards magic is just ‘welp. this may as well happen’
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Human Ranger is basically the most versatile guy you can be. The Most "I can do ANYTHING" of the dnd/bg3 character builds if ur determined enough. Unfortunately this means you are very much Just Some Guy - but at least you're "Known for your endless capacity for growth" and "A pleasure to have in class" :3
#going post#bg3#dnd#my tav is going to be assigned de facto leader (bc of main character privilege) and just be like. im honored but u all Could Not be more#insane for this#like theyre only gonna be mildly competent bc of 1. customer service skills 2. jack of all trades master of none 3. happens to be backed up#by several skilled and experienced superheroes who actually focused on a career path#im the most killable squishy here but i know how party comps work so its fine#my strength is -2#ALSO FORGOT TO MENTION. JESTERS PRIVILEGE
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maybe that duck finally realized that running a minecraft server with a massive fanbase including performative chronical online fans and functioning it as a brand business paying salaries to the employees are never as easy as what he thought and only collecting leasons from following someone shadow footprints will never make you realize how risky it is until you are in their shoes.
#like do i feel bad when he almost had a mental breakdown right in a livestream ? not really but soft of#but at the same time do i feel he doesn't deserve all of those oppression ? no#he made his own bed he legitimately invited himself into this mess which could have prevented in the first place#he was the one cutting the relationship with the rest of his former friends#he was the one hiring all of the mod volunteers he was the one making those “ there is no war in ba sing se ” rules#he was the one functioning this Minecraft server as a business company not a passion project#he was the one building up this fanbase - the oppressed fans willingly doxxing and threatening ccs and other fans#he cannot pull out ' i barely caught up anything ' when it comes to paying salaries to other mods#because he made the damn principles applied to every mods how tf he can forget ?#not to mention he (used to) study laws ?? commercial laws ????#and when he fucking cried and talking about wilbur and sobbed about he was no longer in the server#yet none of supporting statements toward to shelby were made like okay bro im sure being a blind-eyed man must be tough for you last year#like what he even expected ? this is what happened if you silenced your voices and permitted your fucking fandom swept all of its issues#either he need to change or the damn server will go down to the pit hole#/neg
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fucking hate fighting with people's who's main strategy is straight up lying & screaming & crying until you give up trying to even attempt communicating. just coming up with the most batshit, insane lies they can think of to slander you & they literally just don't fucking stop, like persistence predator shit except they're just doing it to avoid having to take responsibility. what the fuck is going on in that kind of person's brain
#30 years old btw. is how old this person is#screaming & crying on the floor like a toddler is apparently a good strategy to make people believe you#even when the other person is saying ''what are you fucking on about none of that shit happened''#& it doesn't even matter that there is absolutely negative proof it happened they will believe this anyways#because i'm already the family Bad Guy. anything you accuse me of i did it. because there needs to be a Bad Guy#the reason i'm being accused of attempted murder today btw is because i said & i quote:#''instead of throwing my food in the garbage just ask me what it is so i can tell you not to do that''#i should've known better than to try the communication route with people who only know how to DARVO#& also that ''accused of attempted murder'' thing is real. that is currently the version she's settled on#i apparently ''chased her around with a knife & threatened to kill the pets'' which i don't even need to explain how untrue that is#she literally spit on my & threw water on me & threw piss (yes. urine) at me & threatened to smash my computer#& broke a door & told me to kill myself like 8 times & said i'm a scammer & that i'm not really disabled#& then started shitting on me for being a furry?? & when i mentioned that's kind of homophobic & ableist#she started going on about how actually most furries aren't gay so it's not homophobic as if there aren't stats stating otherwise#she's a 3rd grade substitute teacher btw. yes this terrifies me#there is a HUGE reason my sisters went into teaching & that's because i was no longer a child they could abuse
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2019 was one of the hardest years of my life but woah I'm just remembering that I had a therapist who was insistent that I didn't transition and that I follow a one year program of proving to her that I was trans.
that wasn't even why I was going to see her in the first place, but the moment she found out she wanted me to stop hrt immediately so she could 'properly' diagnose me with gender dysphoria. she went on this long rant about how back in her day people had to spend years talking to doctors before they were allowed to transition and she has trans clients from the 80s and 90s who were made to prove to her that they were trans for a whole year before she would prescribe them anything.
#[static]#it was wild too cuz i used to go to her when i was in my late teens early 20s and I went back to her because i trusted her insight#but the moment she found out i was transitioning she no longer wanted to talk about the horrifying trauma I'd just gone through#like .... being transgender and transitioning after years and years of being in the closet was such a big step for me and my healing#it was (and still is) one of the best things i could have ever done for my health and happiness and its wild to me that#because i used to be a woman so many ppl were like 'are you just doing this to get out of your shitty marriage?' like .......... wtf??#she basically believed that none of the decades worth of gender dysphoria and trans issues were related to me just being transgender ...#and instead it was a way to get my abusive and clinging ex husband to leave me alone fdkjghf#i transitioned late because he was one of the ppl who trashed my self esteem and would spend days screaming at me if i mentioned dysphoria#i get shivers just thinking about how awful that was lfkghfd but me finally transitioning was a way for me to finally be myself#despite other ppls ideas or wishes of me and boy howdy im so glad that i finally stuck up for myself despite the fallout of all my relation#if you read this you get a kiss on the cheek ... just ranting because wow i forgot about that! so much shit had happened all at once lmao
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Was having so much fun replaying p3p that I forgot that this game is bad lol
#the klock keeps ticking#i gotta get my ranting gear on its happening again#just got to the part where its revealed that shadow experiments happened at the school 10 years prior#and yeah its as badly written as I remember lol#like first off it really is just kinda like ‘ah yes the kirijo group experimented on kids and created the dark hour and we’re being#recruited to clean up their mess’ and the only one who seems to care is yukari but then like#oooh she cant be mad after all cuz her dad was in on it or whatever#and my favorite fucking guy Ikutski is there with a smile like ah yes yes the fucked up shit ah well anyways lets keep fighting lol#and its like briefly mentioned so fucking casually that mitsurus family involved her in this shit and forced her to awaken to a persona#when she was like 8 and you know. now she has to act as a tool to clean up their mess#and it’s like hold up now. why arent we talking about this aaaaaaa just gonna drop that bomb and leave#my favorite fucking part though is like afterwards all the little scenes we get of the characters processing this information#none really seeming to care all that much about the fucked up part theyre just like ‘damn the dark hour is gonna end’#and we get some of that iconic p3 dialogue where characters just look into the camera and explain their trauma before walking away#akihiko just goes up to shinji to be like ‘hey lol remember that we’re both orphans and thats how we know each other and also my sister#anyway Keep Looking Forward™️ bye’ and then fuuka looks into the camera like#‘yes btw my parents have an inferiority complex and thats why they abuse me which is why i dont mind being manipulated’#like she just. says that its so funny this game was written by a toaster#its so frustrating cuz the conflict could be so interesting but they handle it soooo boring and ignore all the parts that shouldnt be#oh mitsuru dont worry ill write you a better game to be in#come to the fat lesbian party where we kill the kirijo group with hammers
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Pacing back and forth rapidly rambling to my parents like a mad man trying to figure out whether or not I experienced sexism at film school today or if these guys are just assholes in a different way
#ramblings of a lunatic#like they made a couple comments about how one woman in the department (who's always stressed bc she has a busy job)-#-clearly doesn't ''like guys'' and gave them the wrong equipment to set them up for failure (??? okay???)#and proceeded to organise things so that. none of the other members (who were all girls and here's where i can't tell if it's coincidence)#-had ANYTHING to do on set. like didn't ask them to set up tripods (we all went to thr class where you learn to set up tripods...)#didn't ask them even to hold things or plug things in (they did ask me but only bc i spoke up and volunteered multiple times)#didn't even really talk to us much bc they were off in their own world setting up equipment (that we didn't need btw)#and i can't tell if they were just really focused or being exclusionary!#and i don't think there's a clear answer to any of this. if it did happen it's almost definitely unintentional.#it might've just been bad optics. again unintentional. and i don't know how the other girls felt or if they were bothered#so i can't claim to speak to collective experience#I'm just. I'M JUST PACING WONDERING IF I'M CRAZY#also i told them the one day i was available was today and they showed up and proceeded to have nothing for me (or any of the girls) to do#and now i don't even know what i could do. maybe ask the editor if they want an edit assist bc that's one of the roles#siiighhhh#also feel it's important to mention that one of the guys was on the autism spectrum#so i can't tell how much of it was exclusion bc he thinks he's the only one competent enough to do these tasks (and that coincidentally-#-the only other guy in the group is also the only one competent enough to help him)#or if he was just having a relatable social ineptitude moment where he didn't realise the rest of us felt useless and excluded#and i don't know how much that context effects the end result BC I DON'T KNOW IF THIS WAS REAL OR IF I'M JUST A HASHTAG FEMINAZI SJW LIB#UGH#(use of the word feminazi was ironic parody of the way sexists speak pls pls pls don't think i ever talk like that irl)
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hey why did my manager unprompted tell me and like 3 other coworkers a story about how he had his dog terrorize her girlfriend for three hours while he took a nap and she hid in the car afraid like it was a funny story to tell.
#i said i would never run after a guest. i dont run and he said i could make you run. i have a rottweiler.#and then launched into this story.#also once we were alone he stated talking about how he used to be a personal trainer and how once girls lost weight they had way too much#confidence and would tell men to leave them alone which he made sound like a crime of the highest order. and asked me again if i was a mom.#which would be like whatever if he hadnt mentioned multiple times how many times he had made specifically moms obsessed with him.#like to the point it was concerning to their mental state. and he just openly admitted this to me as if it were a funny thing that happens#to everyone.#i hate having to work with him when its just the two of us. unfortunately he makes the schedule so i cant even be like hey can we avoid tha#none of this on its own is really that deep its just all of it together... i get such a weird vibe from this guy.#and he keeps trying to set up outside of work events and im just like. i dont know how to tell you that i would rather kms.#like he wants us to fucking roadtrip to san antonio which is like. fucking 7 hours or something? i cant stand a fucking 6 hour shift#and youre not even there for half of that! i would end up trying to physically fight the guy if we were stuck in a car for that long#he is literally my only problem with this job at this point. like customers piss me off sometimes but theyll do that anywhere#he just. makes me deeply uncomfortable anytime were alone#prsnl
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🌻
#god i really fucking wanna finish the fic i started writing...a year and a half ago#between finished chapters and finished disjointed scenes and UNfinished disjointed scenes i have around 70k of it written#out of an estimated total of...120-130k#so it's more than halfway completed#and 70k is a lot of words and a lot of effort to just let die in a google drive yk?#not to mention the almost 15k planning doc#plus despite the concept having been born almost two years ago now. i do think it still holds up#like none of the plot points or character traits or anything make me cringe#which is what often happens when i look back on my ''older'' fics#so i feel like it's definitely worth finishing#not finishing it would be such a disservice to all the work i put into plotting and planning it#and i remember really loving the characters a lot as well#i'm sure i still do. i just...can't remember a whole lot about them atm hkghk i'd have to go back and reread the outline but#yeah. i wanna finish it. i really fucking do#if i could finish it before the end of the year that'd be amazing sigh
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😠.
#so I had tentative plans to go get my nose pierced tonight#but then the other day my parents were like hey let’s go visit your brother this weekend#so I told the people I was gonna go get pierced with that I can’t do it today#which was fine and good and one of them is still going today but the rest of us are probably going like next week#but then it stormed today and knocked out the power at my grandparents’ house so my parents have been over there for damn near 2 hours#trying to prevent my grandparents basement from flooding and my mom just came home to grab something and told me that we might not be going#so you’re telling me that I could have actually gone and gotten my nose pierced#and like five minutes ago the guy who was still going tonight to get pierced sent me a snap of him there at the piercing studio and like 😭😭#I definitely could’ve gone 😭 but also idk if my parents get this problem solved at my grandparents then we could still maybe go#but if not and they decide we can go like next weekend I’m gonna be upset because I’ve already canceled these plans plus my best friend want#wanted* me to house sit with her and I told her I couldn’t#and if we go next weekend then I’m going to have to cancel theee nose piercing plans again and they’ll just think I’m not being serious#about wanting it but I’ve literally been talking about it for like 2 weeks straight now#also not to mention I’m sitting here in my house fully packed and we were completely ready to go when my aunt called to tell my mom about#the power being out and their parents freaking out that the basement was going to flood which apparently it kinda is#anyway this is stupid but I just wanted to complain about it#because I feel like if I decide just to like settle in and start watching something or actually writing more for the new unholy chp then my#parents are gonna get home and be ready to go#but if not then I’m really just sitting here wasting time like I was ready to go#not fair that I had multiple avenues of plans tonight and now none of them are probably happening
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just saw the dentist... I'd say im gonna kill myself but this fucked up tooth might just do it for me 🤷🏻♀️
#well. so much for getting my hypothyroidism meds refilled#this is gonna be so fucking expensive and even then it might not be enough#best case scenario im gonna be paying off debt for months#worst case scenario literally anything could happen to me#tempted to kms now so at least i can make it painless#none of this will be#raphael.exe#suicide mention
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Yeah
People can still deserve to be taken out of the equation
Without heat or emotion, some people are just generally dangerous and should be gotten rid of if no other avenues are available
Just, logically the damage they do is too much to be able to justify keeping them alive just to have them commit acts of intense cruelty
That being said, we can never be too sure we got the right mark, jail can be reversed upon finding that person was innocent
Death cannot be
Only when other options are unavailable is it justifiable to use deadly force against a dangerous individual
When Indian police officers took the gloves off and started using deadly force against terrorists when they were also shooting at the police when they attempted to arrest them, those officers sustained less casualties and was able to neutralize the threat
( cops are still corrupt but it is still bad when they die cause they aren't empowered to use more force against armed nut jobs )
Killing someone who was attempting to kill you or severely maim/r*pe you is self defense, that's justifiable cause you can't justify the cost of them not being fought against and there aren't really other options
Of course there's always a worry of people taking advantage of these circumstances ( they do it anyway, it's just normal murder, which is when we rely on the law to find out whether it was in defense or not )
But the base morality still stands, sometimes it's just not practical, it's not pretty by any means, and it shouldn't devolve to that choice in our society, but it can, and people shouldn't overthink and make themselves miserable when fighting off the generally dangerous to save their own lives and skin and the lives and skin of others
Border control needed to kill back when a group of soldiers broke into their side of the border and started killing
When no one will stop the child rapist or murderer you have to defend yourself and the people around you
Reason can dictate it's the best option
And true that people do unjustly kill just for their own sick pleasure, but they hardly are willing to stop just cause reasonable people won't
If you've been in a situation where such extreme action feels like the only way out and you're pushed to it to save yourself or those around you don't let it burn you up inside, the action is inherently dark and upsetting but you had reasons to
My family are survivors from a genocide, they shouldn't feel bad for taking down a terrorist, or someone coming around to kidnap their daughters or any person they felt like snatching
Intense times can call for intense measures, in situations like that don't let yourself be handicapped
Don't make yourself completely powerless if you know you can do something
When the law fails you or cannot intervene don't get caught up in the titles and visuals of the matter
Think about why you did it, fall back on that and let that calm the issue, it's important to question and reflect, and to recognize if you did the wrong thing, but do that with reason, don't just hate yourself cause you were pushed that far
If you were raised or got caught up in a gang and had to to live, if you wanted to kill the guy who killed your family or friends, if you did it to help a person escape from trafficking or you were trafficked and that was the only way out or to get justice, if someone tortured you for fun and you couldn't call for help
Fall back on the reason why, get peace from you attempting to pick apart your reasoning and having it stand through it, having you question your reason and being able to answer them, being able to genuinely justify it cause you do ask yourself and you can make a response, one that you can pick apart and bring to it's end, to it's logical conclusion
Being able to wade through all the mess with reason, questioning, picking apart, so you can get closer to the truth, to find the truth
Don't just get disheartened and upset with yourself just because of a surface level title slapped onto what was done
Your truths are more nuanced than that and deserve to be met with proper consideration
All of ours are
Btw
Some of my tags outline my experiences
They are kinda disturbing
Outlining my poor treatment a little
Read at your own risk
I'm fine-ish now though so don't worry
I'll be alright
re: that last post, ive said it before and ill say it again: no one deserves to die (deserving is fake and death is bad) but some people need to be stopped and choose to make death the only way to stop them
#tw r4p3#tw rape#tw murder#tw terrorism#tw genocide#tw torture#tw kidnapping#tw kidnap mention#tw trafficking#to clarify#I haven't killed anyone#but I was in a situation that I was desperate to get out of#I ended up folding and making a deal with them#which they kinda broke but they stopped#kinda#if things were worse I could have been disabled instead of injured with an assumption of recovery#threatening it is what got me that deal#the whole situation is far from the more well known strangers being horrifying dynamic you see when hearing heavy stuff#keeping on the way I did wasn't great for me#I don't know why I expected a sudden change#if it were worse then I don't think I could even try and beat myself up over doing it#none of it would have happened if my country had some good social services#if they'd told me what I was experiencing was bad#that I could have reported them to someone#and I did get someone to call social services#and nothing happened#the room I was in had horrible air quality#it made me feel so sick#I remember the fucking flies trying to get into my nose and mouth#like they already thought I was dead and was attempting to take me apart
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