#nobody realizes how hard it is when you genuinely have no concept of how to act socially

[barleyo]

why am i so mean to him he deserves so much better

[chvnnie]

Hannie thoughts 🩷

He pursued you so sweetly and now you're expecting a sweet slow courtship. But now that he realizes just how into him you are, he takes full advantage. Rough in the bedroom confident Jisung. 😍 Y/n overwhelmed but secretly loves it.

“courtship” gave me royal vibes. soooOoOOOo

also idk why this is so long!!! im sorry!!! this concept got the best of me!!!

tell me you love royal aus without telling me 🫠

SMUT — MINORS DNI

The kingdom is lucky to have Jisung on their throne. Crowned as a mere teenager, nobody expected the Young King to thrive. What could he possibly know about ruling a kingdom? In three years time, they’ll lose all credibility, and he his head. Just watch; a boy cannot be King.

Within a year, all ill words spoken about the King were silenced. Charismatic, yet shy, he found his footing in royal life with ease. Leading council meetings, carefully listening and fairly judging every case brought to the court. Age is deceiving; the people haven’t had a leader of this quality in many, many years.

It wouldn’t be fair to say Jisung is just a good King. Even though ten years have passed since his coronation, he can still be found dressed in plain clothes without jewels or his crown, riding into town on his precious golden mare. She is cared for by his Hand, and best friend, as he walks the market.

Not a single stall is passed by him, even if the products are the same as the day before. Carefully, he will look over each and every item while making small talk.

“Alright this morning, Sir?”

“Is this a new recipe? The bread is sweeter than usual — it’s wonderful!”

“Oh my, your craft has improved greatly! I am impressed, keep at it!”

And then the King hands them exactly three gold coins even if he has no intention of buying anything. They’ll offer him something; a small item, or a piece of food, but he always denies it. A gift for them. Encouragement. Proof that he sees their skills and what they bring to the kingdom and is appreciative of it. It also reminds them that he truly cares about them as people. Without them, this city wouldn’t flourish the way it does.

Occasionally, he’ll buy something from the baker. He’s particularly fond of the blueberry poppy bread she makes. She’s a good woman; her husband fought hard and loyally for his father, and for that Jisung is eternally grateful for. Some weekends, he’ll visit her in her cottage. Have tea with her, listen to stories of her late beloved and all the great things he did in life.

She always gets five coins. But shush, don’t tell anybody.

At the end of the market is the only stall he’ll buy from everyday. Brown paper, pink twine, white daisies. The same thing, everyday. The florist always gives him a warm smile.

“How is she?”

And it brings a smile to The King’s face. The genuine care in their tones — because he genuinely cares.

“Well.” He digs in his coin purse, always pulling out too many coins. Just speaking about his love tinges his cheeks a dark pink. “As always.”

An exchange — coins, flowers. “When will you wed?”

“Shortly after my celebration day.” He denies the return of extra coins, as usual. “The autumn weather is her favorite.”

“Wish her well for me.”

“Of course.”

Jisung is a man of routine. Personal goodbyes to each and every merchant before he’s back on his horse. The sky is still pink when he’s back at the castle. The Hand takes his horse so the King can walk through the cool halls. Take the winding stairs up to the top level, where the royal family sleeps.

It used to just be him in this hall. Echoey, empty, reminding him of what price has to be paid for him to take the throne.

Not now, though. The room at the opposite end of the hall is now filled, well loved and used.

Taking a right from the staircase brings him to the door. Kindly dismissing the guard, the King knocks three times. A code; announcing himself without having to.

“Come in!”

The curtains are pushed open, fresh sunlight spilling in from the many windows. Yesterday’s daisies are in a crystal vase, sat on the table in the sitting area. Beautifully bloomed, the floral scent filling the golden room.

You’re by the biggest window, sat on the ledge. The glass is pushed open just slightly, letting the spring breeze cool your body. The dress you’re wearing is one of Jisung’s favorites; off the shoulder, a lavender color with little flowers stitched into the neckline with white thread.

The most beautiful soon-to-be Queen the land has ever seen.

“Good morning, petal.” The nickname rolls off his tongue. “Rest well?”

Closing the book, you nod. “And you, my dear?”

“All right.” Only a few steps away, he takes the bouquet out from behind his back and presents it to you. “For you. As always.”

Oh, the bright smile you give him. It’s like he’s falling in love with you all over again. Gracefully, you rise from your seat and take the fresh flowers, bringing to your nose to sniff.

“They’re lovely, Jisung. Thank you.”

Everyday, a peck to his cheek. Quick — you’re far too shy to linger. The King has a routine. So he turns his head just slightly, left side of his face presented to you. Ready to receive your gratitude.

The routine breaks. Swiftly, you walk past your fiancé, taking the flowers to the vase. Leaving him stunned.

Strange.

“I was wondering if today we might ride to the sea?” You don’t look to him as you speak — actually, it looks like you’re trying to hide behind the white flowers. “I’ve been a tad homesick.”

The steps he takes are cautious. “Of course.” Hesitance is laced in his tone. This isn’t your ordinary behavior. “What’s on your mind, darling?”

It’s like you’ve seen a ghost, blood running from your face and eyes widen. But in a snap, the expression is gone. “Oh, nothing. I want to write about the sea, you know how my brother loves it.”

Carefully, Jisung takes a seat on your velvet sofa. “Ah, yes. How is Seungmin?”

“His letters say he is well. The ocean is treating him nicely, though I wish he wouldn’t have chosen that path.”

Son and daughter of a prestigious family. One to be Queen, the other a runaway pirate.

“There’s always room for him in our kingdom. He would do well with us.”

You swallow dryly. What is happening? “The gracious and merciful Young King, what would this world be without you?”

Jisung can’t take this anymore. What has gotten into his beloved? Where is your head at? Grabbing your wrist, he pulls you away from the vase. Making you stand in front of him.

“Speak your worries.”

“I have none, Your Grace—“

“Though merciful, you know I hate to be made a fool.” His eyes narrow, but expression stays soft. “Love, let me help.”

You can’t meet his gaze, staring at the slit in your dress as you speak. “I’m afraid my thoughts are…doubtful.”

“Of?”

Finally, your eyes meet.

“Oh.”

What good is a crown? What good is a throne? What good is this kingdom if you are not by his side? Emotions tear at him, making his lip tremble despite his best efforts.

“Not of that kind.” You quickly reassure, catching the hurt on his face. “You are my love, Jisung. I would never want a life without you.”

“Good, good.” He won’t deny his worry. That isn’t fair to you. “Then what is it?”

Jisung thinks you’re precious. You still get so shy around him, even after years together. Especially when you want to express your feelings or ask for something.

Reassuringly, he rubs his thumb over the top of your hand, still caught in his. “You don’t have to—“

“I don’t want to wait any longer.”

The way you said it, so firm and confident. As if you’ve been pondering this, an opinion you’ve held for a while and are now sure of. The King is taken aback briefly, trying to figure out what your words mean.

“For the wedding?” It’s all he can come up with, but even he doesn’t sound too sure in it. “I’m sure we could plan it for the upcoming solstice, my love, if that’s what you desire.”

You shake your head quickly, and he can tell you’re starting to second guess saying it. “No, no. I want to wed in autumn. I don’t want to wait for you.”

What ever could you mean? Wait for him? Why, he’s right here. Touching you, speaking to you. Are you feeling ill? Those words make no—

Oh.

Oh, how he made himself the fool.

Suddenly, he’s in dire need of wine. Mouth dry, tongue heavy. Though he’s had many, many dreams of you in such a way, never would he push it on you. You felt as if your body was sacred, and he respected that. The King wants nothing but for you to feel comfortable and safe around him. If you were waiting for him, he would be waiting for you as well.

Sometimes the dresses you wear do drive him mad. Form fitting and hugging your curves, or with a lower neckline that he can see down at the right angle. Those have made it hard, and only starved him more. Like dangling bread in front of the hungry.

“Are you certain?” Jisung finally speaks, tone dropping several octaves.

You nod, softly wrapping your other hand around the one he has grasped. It’s so delicate, how you drop to your knees in front of him. Starry eyes blinking at him.

“More than, my King.” You bring the hands to your lips, soft kisses across his knuckles. “My patience is dry. I no longer want to wait for your love.”

“Rise.”

“What?”

“Your King gave you a command.” His demeanor changes like a switch, the feral need he’s drowned for so long rising to the surface. “Rise. No Queen of mine will ever kneel, even for me.”

Your eyes never leave his, standing up fully in front of him. He follows, using your hand as a guide up and into your body. A hand on the left side of your neck, fingers creeping into your perfectly combed hair. It’s used to bring your lips to his, properly kissing you.

Many kisses have been shared between you, but none like this. It’s intense, every pent up and buried feeling finding new life with the movement of your lips. It’s more addictive than the blueberry poppy bread from the baker, tongues desperate for the taste to linger. For the feelings to stay.

Loving you is a greater honor than the crown, the King is sure of it.

He curses your corset, making you giggle when he spins you gracefully to get a better look at it. The tugs on it are rough, eager to get the fabric off your body. Heavens, Jisung knows he loves this dress but does it have to be so dreadful to remove?

It’s too much. Your desires tangle with his own, sparking brighter than the jewels on the crown. Than the gold of coins. The energy it deepens the King’s decent — the hole you’re tumbling into doesn’t have a bottom.

Your nails rip his shirt, accidentally tangling the strings of his pants in your rush. There’s no grace in the first moments. Ready to see each other’s bodies, to touch, to taste. To be one.

The King tries his best to be gentle with you. To give you the sweetest kisses, careful touches. He’s heard stories, knows that it can be too much. The last thing he wants is for you to not find pleasure in this.

But, it can only last for so long. The breaking comes with he accidentally takes your breath away — truly, he didn’t mean to place his hand there. Apologies are ready to fumble out when he sees it.

The look you give him. Shocked, a little frightened. But excited.

Jisung never considered his ego very large, but he’s open to self reflection.

“Oh, petal, is this what you like?” He squeezes your throat, tips of his fingers digging into your soft skin. Though you nod, there’s no real need for an answer. He can feel it in the clench around his cock, the legs hooked around his waist pulling him closer. With a dry laugh, he picks up the pace of his hips. Fucking you hard enough the bed is becoming unstable. “I have to admit my surprise. The shy, gentle Queen likes to be fucked like a common whore.”

As soon as the words leave, he feels a tinge of regret. What harsh words to say to someone he loves—

Do his eyes deceive him? You’re whimpering, nodding your head. Unable to speak from the lack of air, but in full agreement.

Heavens. The King is done for.

“I’m sure they’d be glad to have you at the brothel.” Control is lost, the wooden frame starting to crack under the King’s intense movements. “Let the people have a taste of the King’s favorite cunt.”

“N-no.” You seem to speak. “Only y-you—“

“Aw, don’t be selfish, petal.” He pinches your cheek, finding joy in the tears painting your face. “You know I am a generous ruler.”

Jisung enjoys riling you up like this. Enjoys the tears, the cries, the way you’re twitching and squirming underneath him. Not to escape. No, from the force of something world shattering.

“Are you going to cum?” He teases you. “From those awful threats?”

You cannot help yourself, nodding quickly. Little, soft begs falling from your lips.

Maybe Jisung is power hungry. Maybe the crown has gone to his head. Maybe that’s why he laughs, stopping to leave you right on the edge. You’re so distraught, wide eyed and frantically begging for him to finish.

“Oh, but petal. I never said I would be generous to you.”

[printeroo]

Star Trek TNG 3×21 – "Hollow Pursuits"

Little commentary from someone that found themselves in Barclay and cried over this episode (I can explain myself, swear).

As soon as I started this episode, I disliked how Geordi spoke of Barclay – and then how literally everyone else spoke of him. Considering he hasn't done anything wrong other than be akward (and being late to work – which is something to be criticised for but that's not the biggest issue certain members of the crew have with Barclay) it felt just plain mean to me to talk about him the way they do. Especially behind his back.

Now, I don't want it to seem like I think everyone's evil and bad for being unkind to Barclay because I understand that people like him (myself included) are difficult to work and interact with. It's okay to be frustrated with the kind of person he is, but I think they were doing too much.

Also, when I started the episode, I was immediately put off by Barclay's holodeck fantasy. Not the part where he assaults LaForge and Riker – it's very common for someone to feel hatred towards their boss, I think this is just that – but more so his interaction with fake Troi. I definitely found it creepy and figured Troi would be at least uncomfortable if she were to find out. But further on in the episode I realized that that, along with beating up his superiors, is very important to understand Barclay's character. His holodeck adventures with Troi are more than just having a crush on someone and fantasizing about getting with them. Because, despite how it might be presented, the biggest focus in these scenarios is not Troi but the concept of Barclay being confident enough to get a girl and enter conflict when he deems necessary. When he's in the holodeck, alone – despite the simulations, he doesn't stutter. He's not nervous. He can relax. This is all opposite when he's at work or with Troi (the real one) because he's interacting with real, sentient people capable of judging, hating, and bullying him. And that's what's on his mind, causing him to be the way he is.

Like Guinan said: "If I felt that nobody wanted to talk to me, I'd probably be late and nervous too." (I just wanna say how much I love Guinan for everything she said to Geordi in this episode. She's genuinely very kind, and doesn't judge Barclay for being a difficult person.)

I was going to put videos just for comparison between him in the holodeck vs him in real life, with Troi, but there's a 1-video-per-post policy. Hate that. But I'll explain – in the holodeck he's easily speaking without stuttering and his movements are smooth and look effortless (he can even make eye contact with her.) Unlike him with the real Troi, where he's struggling to form a sentence and tries really hard to look relaxed and casual. It's like a Clark Kent/Superman contrast except Barclay's not faking the akwardness.

The scene after Geordi catches Barclay in the holodeck, where they're talking in Ten-Forward, was my breaking point. Barclay talks about how he's always scared of forgetting someone's name, never knows what to with his hands which causes him to always fidget nervously, how he's so terrible at social interactions he has to practice what he would talk about at a function beforehand, but when he gets there he can't find the confidence to let one word out. And then Geordi says he's "just shy" and Barclay acts as if he's been described that way a million times and it just isn't that simple. And he tells Geordi he doesn't understand, no one around him could ever understand.

(^I just really like this piece of dialogue lol because like.... yeah man I get it)

Geordi tries (and in the end succeeds) to help Barclay be more confident. These scenes did make me cringe while watching, though. As you could guess, I'm very shy. So shy in fact that working on the Enterprise sounds like a nightmare. There's so many people and your job is so important and the consequences of messing up could be catastrophic. So, seeing Geordi bring Barclay on THE BRIDGE (aka the most important place on the ship) with THE CAPTAIN (aka the most important person on the ship) made me very nervous because I for sure wouldn't be able to handle the situation. If I were Barclay I'd be tearing up the whole time and when Picard calls me "Broccoli" I might just run to my quarters and cry so hard I throw up and scream till I pass out. I sound dramatic (and I might be) but it just really is that big of a deal for some people. But despite that, I can understand that this helps Barclay build confidence, which is exactly what he needs.

And in the end it's Barclay who saved the day. By being confident enough to voice his opinion. Something that I am very proud of him for because I still find it extremely difficult. And in the end he doesn't get a "thank you" from a superior. Geordi does, from Riker. And when Riker hears that Barclay was involved he doesn't think about thanking him as well, but it's okay. Because Geordi tells Barclay he's glad he was there to help, which is enough validation and assurance to get Barclay started. At least, it would be for me.

This is an odd episode because the main plot is that there's just this guy who's kinda weird (has social anxiety) and no one likes him. But at the same time, I really needed to watch it. For better or for worse, it felt like it was made specifically for me.

(after typing this out I found out that reg will be a recurring, and I think important, character which i am actually very glad to hear. it also means someone might care about what i have to say about him)

[randomwriteronline]

"I, just to be clear - how long do you gestate?"

Matau looked at the nurse like xe'd just threatened to blow his kneecaps off, Vakama stumbled over his feet and nearly fell onto his face while he was pacing, and Nuju remained perfectly still as though that could have kept xem from seeing him.

Whenua sneakily reached out to the half scribbled notebook left on a nearby table: "What would be a normal period, in your opinion?" he asked out of genuine curiosity.

Nokama smacked his hand right off it hard enough to make him yelp while hissing under her breath at him to stop.

Alright, Netum reasoned as xe cringed a little at their bickering, maybe xe should have realized that their species did not reproduce like this normally considering their immediate reactions had been a little bit excessive even for someone experiencing their first time at this stressful rodeo.

Not wanting to be left out, from the other room Onewa shouted something that sounded like garbled static from a computer experiencing incomprehensible amounts of anguish.

His fellow Turaga winced.

Whenua reached for his notebook again, and this time got it slapped away by Matau.

(Nobody had any clue where he'd even found that, nor the pen stuffed into it. At some point, while his brother of Stone had been laid face up on the medical cot while gurgling in incredible pain, he'd just materialized right next to the obstetrician with it already in hand, looking intently alongside the nurses and doctors like he had any business being there between Onewa's legs, asking questions and scribbling down observations.)

(Vakama had eventually torn his eyes off of the pained Turaga long enough to notice what the former archivist was doing and had proceeded to give him the most furiously dumbfounded look he could muster, screaming above the racket: "A SMALL BEING IS TRYING TO CRAWL OUT OF ONEWA AND YOU'RE TAKING NOTES?!")

(To which is Earth brother had replied, "Of course I am! This is unprecedented, we might never get a chance of collecting this knowledge ever again! My academic colleagues surely understand the importance of my doing!")

(Such words had then been immediately followed by him being violently yanked away from his position and having his shoulders shaken so hard by Nuju's telekinesis that he thought his neck was going to dislocate, all while Nokama replied eloquently to his assumption with a simple yet very effective "ARE YOU INSANE".)

(All five were then promptly escorted out.)

"Let's try another question," Netum decided, "Do you have an idea when the conception might have taken place?"

"Oh, the last knowing mating?" Whenua piped up.

Nuju gave a horrendous shrieking squawk that lasted quite a few seconds, the meaning of which was universally understood to be Don't Fucking Call It That.

The nurse sighed, already regretting xer life choices: "Depends. Are you sexually active?"

"No," Vakama sputtered, "We are- we don't - our species does not- we, the Matoran come from assembly lines. We are built from machines. We don't - we're, we don't have anything. Or any... No, the short answer is no."

"Rahi are!"

"WHENUA."

"Sorry sister."

"But yes, no. I mean--"

Netum stopped him. Xer face was contorted by the grimace of someone watching their parents trying to climb up mirrors in an attempt at explaining in a sane and innocuous manner what the equipment in the case in the back of the closet is for: "I got it. So, either he-"

"Roughly one thousand years ago."

Xe turned to Matau.

"What?" xe asked.

He shuffled in his shawl, looking more than a little embarrassed: "Roughly one thousand years ago would be the, er, periodtime of beingmaking. There were... Everspecial conditions, that, uh, allowed us- him, to, er... Uhm... Uh..."

A suspicion struck xem.

Xer eyes carefully moved onto the other Turaga, observing their reactions to their Air brother's words: they seemed to suddenly find the walls, furniture, pavement and insides of their palms to be subjects of incredible interest, each drowning in their own vats of mortification at quickly increasing speeds while Matau kept on stammering in an attempt to explain the situation without having to admit even more that he'd unfortunately let on.

Huh.

Well.

There had been weirder paternity cases. Probably.

But one thousand years!

What was the longest xe'd ever heard of? A year and a half? Two years?

One whole thousand years.

Wow.

"Congrats to all of you," xe just said, because what else was there to even say.

They tried to disappear into themselves harder.

Vakama actually did, turning completely invisible before curling in shame on the floor, which Netum only discovered when he began rolling around knocking into chairs and the such like a ball inside of the world's slowest and most incredibly embarrassed pinball.

The door opened and slammed close so quickly that xe barely even registered the sound; when xe turned, a fellow nurse treated xem to a look with eyes the size of a pair of thornax.

She looked about to bust a capillary.

"Get in," she ordered, sounding a little hoarse.

Netum raised a thumb at her, faced the deeply mortified beings again, dryly left them with a: "Enjoy yourselves," and swiftly snuck back into the room in which Oewa still shouted bloody murder to all that existed before the Great Spirit Robot rusting miserably on the receding dunes of Spherus Magna.

The Turaga listened to five more of his anguished yells before Whenua began petting the air to find Vakama and hold him still so that he would stop bumping into everybody's legs.

"Should we speaktalk to the Hagah?" Matau proposed.

Nuju growled, shrieked, slashed at the sky and chittered furiously for about two entire minutes.

With her Rau dimmed after hearing only roughly a quarter of all that, Nokama let out the most tired sigh in her repertoire and sagged a little: "Depends on how much we value Kualus's survival."

-

They did not, in the end, have the time to contact the Toa Hagah, because before they could figure out a way to breach the subject to them and ask why exactly they had allowed them to get up to deeply unusual shenanigans while in their very unstable conditions as Hordika, their Stone brother's screaming finally quelled and they were allowed to see him again - under the conditions that they were to keep as calm as they could, since the patient had just undergone an incredibly stressful delivery, and that Whenua would not start asking questions pertaining anything that had happened in the five Turaga's absence for the entirety of his permanence lest he wanted to be promptly shoved back out.

He looked like he would have rather died, but he soldiered through it.

Especially because Onewa looked even worse.

A whole thousand years will teach you a few things about the people who destiny has assigned to be your siblings, for better or for worse, and usually against your will; and so they all had become intimately familiar with the tells of one another's moods, especially in specific situations such as, say, recovering from something, sickness or injury that it might be.

Onewa laid on the cot not limp, but stiff in a manner that had nothing to do with his usual posture. His eyes were shut, his breathing struggling to deepen, and his arms shivered weakly, as though he didn't even have the strength to tremble.

The five of them were on him in an instant, reaching out to touch him and try lending some comfort like that, ready to be shoved away if needed be. He welcomed them as best as he could, searching for them blindly, curling his fingers around their hands, testing the protodermis with his digits to tell them apart from the type of calluses plaguing the palms.

"F'respitt'r," he hissed at last - though his exhausted voice was laced with relief. "I'm fr'zin' - think y' could do som'thin' 'bout that?"

"Ah, I wish," Vakama replied, rubbing his hands around the tan forearm to warm it up a little, "But you know my powers aren't what they used to be."

"T'p'cal T'-T'raga, all sm'ke and no s'bst'nce..."

That made them chuckle while Nokama took the blanket Nuju had fetched with his telekinesis and laid it over their Stone brother, murmuring with the voice of a gentle brook: "There, that should be a bit better."

Onewa sighed: "Tha's why y'r my fav'rit', sist'r..."

"Oh? You desert your dirt brother like that?" she laughed.

"He ain' help'n' much, is he?"

"Excuse you-" Whenua mumbled; Nuju intercepted with a quiet chirping, clicking a few times for good measure, to ask how he felt.

It took a moment for the answer to be sighed back: "Bad. T'red."

"We're sorry, stonebrother. For, uh-"

A hand very gently smacked Matau on the mouth, not letting him continue: "Don't," the bedridden Turaga rasped in a monotone plea. He patted the other's mask a few more times to drive the point home. "Don't. I don' wanna think 'bout any of that righ' now. F'rev'r, p'ss'bly."

The silence between them unanimously agreed with his sentiment.

Netum found them cuddled up together and speaking hushedly in their strange whirring dialect when xe came back with Parca to deliver the news.

She coughed gently to divert their attention onto her.

Their brilliant eyes spooked the obstetrician slightly when they sat on her, but she pushed through her momentary discomfort with a wobbly smile: "Ehm! I, er, I'm glad to say that, well, from what we could parse - you know, different species and all - five of the sextuplets are perfectly fine and healthy."

The way they tilted their heads in unison was also a little eerie.

"The what?" Onewa croaked, honestly confused.

"The... The sextuplets. Your six little ones."

He seemed to process her words slowly: "As in, six indipendent beings?" he asked.

She nodded, now also confused.

If metal could have paled, the five surrounding the bed would probably have been see-through by now. The red one looked about to faint, too. Must have been the father.

(Although she had the sneaking suspicion, mentally comparing the colors of the six little creatures she'd just helped meet the light of day for the first time to those of the metal and flesh humanoids before her, that this had been a joint effort and he was just the most fragile link of whatever one could call the thing these six had going on with each other, because polycule didn't really seem to be the correct term in this case.)

The Stone Turaga gave a wheeze.

"No wonder that was so hard," he noted as he sank a little into the cot much more calmly than she would have expected considering he hadn't even been aware of the fact he'd been carrying in the first place, "Six whole beings... I thought it was just the pieces of one!"

Parca thought she was undergoing a stroke of sorts.

What.

What did that mean?

What the hell did that mean?

Netum had the kindness of pulling her aside and whispering helpfully in her ear: "Usually they're made in an assembly line."

"Oh," she whispered back.

Well. Sure, yes, that did explain it. Didn't make it any less insane, but at least the context showed there was some sort of logic to the madness now.

"Er, one of them is a little, ehm, a little different from their siblings," she continued, picking up from where her previous line of thought had stopped, "But we can't exactly tell if something is wrong, you know, medically, or if they're simply... Ahem... Built like that, and there is nothing to worry about. So, uh, would you..."

"What?"

"Would you like to see them?"

"Of course I do!" the Turaga waved, seeming annoyed, as though he had much to do and her needless talking was wasting precious minutes: "I went through the pains of Karzhani to get them out, I sure hope I can at least have a look at what all that pushing was for..."

"They're six?" the green one repeated faintly at that point - evidently having needed a little more time to process that bombshell of an information.

The black one piped up excitedly as though he hadn't been on the verge of keeling over himself seconds ago: "That's fairly common!" he said cheerfully, "Several species of Rahi tend to have litters in order to prevent exti-"

At least five hands piled over his mouth to shut him up, and Netum took that as xer cue to drag Parca away from that bucket of insanity for a minute or two.

They returned to a semblance of calm and a mostly disgruntled Whenua - the other Turaga weren't giving him looks of any sort, but from his demure behaviour one could assume they had chewed him out or at least managed to convince him to hold his excitement for another day. His pale eyes perked up still like those of his destiny-assigned siblings when the nurses approached to start carefully handing out the little ones.

They had expected... Well, it was hard to say. Had the six of them been Agori or Glatorian, Parca would have imagined a certain degree of awe, of starstruck wonder, gentle hands reaching out to catch their children in a careful embrace, or perhaps the strange apathetic curiosity that often struck alongside the beginnings of postpartum depression; Netum, having spent too much amidst the Skrall for xer liking due to xer Stone heritage, had learned to add to xer expectations a cold analysis, a check for any deformities that would make for anything less than a warrior - and in the case they were not found, then a thorough and thought through planning in preparation for marshal training.

The Turaga did none of that: they simply observed, captivated, dumbfounded, barely daring to lay a single finger on the little creatures slowly placed on Onewa's lap.

They were curled up on themselves like Mahi goats trying to keep warm on cold desert nights despite not showing any discomfort towards the current lukewarm temperature, with their heads swaying every now and then left or right, eyes shut, fists balled up tight just below their chests, not uttering a single peep or cry or babble. The muscles peeking from their tiny frames were a cold pinkish color, not yet the worn copper of a Toa or the much more common dull purplish tint their species knew, while their crystal-like brains had yet to paint themselves in any way. They wriggled their spines in a clumsy manner as though they were attempting to crawl on the thin armor of their backs - armor covered in faint hues reminiscent of watercolors, with plates much more flexible that those of a Turaga or Matoran. Above their little hands their chests rose and fell quickly against their pulsing lungs, and their heartlights flickered gently if a little fast, only ever becoming dim but never turning off completely; their identical faces lacked the deep dents in which masks were meant to slot, but the shallower lines digging into the protodermis of their skulls seemed to imply that the time for a Kanohi to be bestowed to them would simply come later, and for now they were in no danger of falling comatose.

Nuju reached out at last, as carefully as possible.

The light pressure of his digit against one of the little one's head made them squirm and stretch towards his hand in an attempt at nestling into it.

"Is that all?" Nokama asked, baffled.

"There's one more," Parca replied, "They'll be brought here in a moment."

"No, no, I meant..."

"I deepthink she was trying to asksay, are they whole?" Matau explained: "Are they... Complete? They're not losemissing any parts?"

The obstetrician blinked twice: "Er - yes? Yes, they're... Whole."

"But they are so small," Vakama muttered, gently poking a closed fist that quickly caught his finger. He sounded almost distraught.

"Babies tend to be," Netum chimed in. "Otherwise birth would be even harder than it already is."

Onewa said nothing, only looking at the five beings on the cot.

He hovered his hand above them without touching them, as though they'd been made of glass. He settled eventually on the leg of one of them with a feather-light touch, causing them to kick briefly at nothing before calming as they decided the feeling was not unpleasant after all.

How utterly strange.

The sound of creaking cries distracted the Turaga from their contemplation: Parca had reappeared - when had she even left? - with a little squirming thing struggling to escape her solid embrace.

"And here's the problem child," she announced quietly, handing them over directly to the Turaga of Stone as she did not trust the little one not to smack one of their siblings in the head in their agitated indignation at being carried around like some sort of dreadfully unfashionable purse.

It really wasn't hard to understand what she'd meant about this one being different. The infant being immediately came off as scrawnier, with thinner limbs and hands waving messily like little claws trying to play with yarn; the legs seemed a little arched and the neck very flexible, maybe too much. The face followed the shape of their siblings', that it did, but something in the way it moved felt off - as did the perfectly calm heartlight despite their erratic movement. They were chatty as well, squeaking and squealing angrily much like Nuju would under his breath, and their brain seemed much more opaque than it should have been; their armor as well seemed to resemble more matte hues than any brilliant ones, appearing to be a much darker grey than that of even their Earth sibling.

They thrashed and rolled in Onewa's arms for a little in a daring escape attempt that ended up going nowhere. With a frustrated huff they opened up their eyes: wide irises of an oily black stared up at the Turaga's blue ones, and the sight seemed to awe them so much that at last they settled down.

Then their eyes turned blue.

It was a murky imitation of the color, but it was so surprising that all present couldn't help but jolt a little upon seeing that. And they kept watching intently as an uncoordinated shiver struck the little thing and began blooming patches of tan and brown upon their body as it adjusted its proportions in tow, in a clumsy imperfect mirror of the Turaga's own colors and build.

Netum quickly glanced at the other five.

Upon determining that no, none of them seemed able to do that, xe muttered: "Huh. That's not normal."

Parca did not add onto that because she was busy running checks on herself to see if she was experiencing an ictus.

The only one who visibly lit up at the incomprehensible sight before them was, of course, Whenua: "Oh no, it is normal! That's a krahka," he reassured his stunned audience as he moved a little closer to tickle the little being, who turned and gave his digit a mellow bite as their teeth would grow out only in a few minutes: "It was heavily speculated that juvenile specimens would have a harder time shapeshifting at first, since they would have yet to establish proper control over their own abilities! Evidently they're a slightly parasitic species too, able to reproduce with other Rahi and adapt to the carrier's own appearance during gestation - clumsily of course, but still! It's not that surprising, thinking about it now, but it does showcase the extent of Roodaka's terrible power considering that she managed to make sure they're all but extinct even despite them not needing to mate with one another to ensure the survival of their species, which in theory should greatly reduce the problem..."

He shook his fingers, lightly bapping the little one's nose: they hung their little maws open to bite down again, but their slow reflexes were eluded by the quick movements.

The words floated giddily across the room for about half a minute.

They then fell into their heads like a ton of lead.

"Wait," Whenua realized softly, "That's a krahka."

Five pairs of eyes shifted onto the only Komau present: Onewa had already hidden it away behind his palm.

Deciding this was beyond what they were paid to do, Parca forcibly removed herself and Netum from whatever brand new paternity drama had been unlocked.

Nuju's voice, croaked from disuse and ages spent speaking only the language of birds, reached out in a dangerously indescribable tone: "Onewa--"

"SHUT."

Not a word followed.

The little beast squeaked loudly a few times, changing colors and shape as they took in the rest of their step-parents and sniffing their still perfectly peaceful half-siblings curiously.

At last, the Turaga of Stone lowered his palm to his mouth, treating the wall across him to a murderous glare.

"Is there something you'd like to share with the class?" Nokama carefully nudged him.

"I'm going to kill Pouks," he just growled.

-

The shrieks had already caused a few concerned members of medical personel and even patients to attempt entering the room in order to remove the raving bloodthirsty swan clearly carrying out a massacre from within it, but thankfully none succeeded in opening even just slightly the door, which remained blocked off thanks to Bomonga's body - turned as enormous as possible without collapsing the building in order to give Kualus somewhere high enough to climb to in order to escape from Nuju's undying rage. This meant that the Toa Hagah of Earth was left at the mercy of the squawking Turaga's ice pick, and considering his increasingly pained expression and the deepening dents on his armor he was probably going to succumb sooner than either he or his Ice brother would have liked.

That being said, he was having it easier than the rest of his siblings.

Gaaki shrunk in her shoulders, desperately trying to hide behind her Stone brother as she babbled: "We couldn't have know this would have happened-"

"The problem is not that you couldn't know, it's that you let it happen!" Vakama interrupted her rightfully angry: "We were vulnerable and unstable! You were the ones who decided to keep an eye on us so we wouldn't lose ourselves for that exact same reason! And then when we engaged in whatever tomfoolery the Hordika venom wanted you just watched us go at it!"

"We did NOT watch!" Iruini was quick to shriek as he peeked from behind his sister. He even raised a horrified finger to the sky as if to swear on the Great Beings. "We very much did not stick around to get a good look at your snuggle pile! The noise was disgusting enough!"

Matau reached out a hand to Whenua, who readily handed him his staff: "You still didn't stop us!!" he hollered, and threw the weapon directly at his Le-brother's forehead.

The impact produced a sonorous 'bonk' and a strangled yelp.

Before the Air Turaga could be supplied with more sticks to throw at their heads or, worse, turn to the medical tools in the room for ammunition, Norik raised his hands either in surrender or in an attempt at soothing the six beings like they were large lizards.

"I - please, listen," he begged them, a tinge of genuine fear in his voice: "Your unity was dwindling, it was getting harder and harder to convince you to stick together despite our best attempts - and, well, we knew from our years observing Rahi that such a, ah, unorthodox activity could significantly help easing stress and deepening the bonds within a community, so we sort of figured it would have been much more beneficial to let you ride it out on your own than to intervene to stop you..."

Nokama's shrill voice made him activate his Pehkui by reflex and shrink to the size of a cricket: "It didn't strike you for one second that perhaps Onewa might have minded being the bonding activity?!"

Speaking of him, the Turaga of Stone had been eerily quiet during the whole argument. He had sat virtually immoble on the cot while his little ones tentatively crawled a little closer to him to escape the annoying yelling, not even bothering to open their eyes or vocalize at all as he picked them up to place them under the worn blanket draped over both his middle and his long legs so that the fabric could muffle the voice; his blue eyes had been sternly fixed on the Po-Toa, who was starting to get massively creeped out by the unblinking stare never leaving him for a second.

When the others' yelling subsided - so, when Nuju interrupted his onslaught of avian injuries to catch his breath - all he did was merely lift a hand in front of himself.

Wrapped around it, the anomaly of the litter watched the Hagah curiously and chirped a croak at them while trying to shift into them.

The Toa briefly forgot their shame to stare at it.

"Is that a krahka," Bomonga finally spoke, too baffled to keep silent.

Ah, Pouks thought: He is going to kill me.

"This is your fault," Onewa grimly sentenced.

Yeah.

He was dead.

Kualus turned to his Po-brother with eyes the size of a knowledge tower: "What?" he yelped, though it came out more like a caw. "What?? Pouks?? What?!"

"Look--"

"What does that mean??"

"Brother, did you-"

"How does that even work, a Rahaga and--?"

"Alright, this is too weird-"

"How the--"

The thunderous clap of Pouks' hands hushed his slowly increasingly horrified siblings' chatter enough for him to recollect his thoughts.

He took a big, deep breath, trying not to let the Turaga's vitriolic gaze pierce through him and make him crumble to dust, and exhaled gently before starting to speak - in a very slow, almost stilted manner, as though convinced that if he could keep the intrigue of his explanation going he would not be immediately beheaded: "She is. A critically endangered species. And - since she was our ally... And! You seemed to get along. AND. You might have been. Compatible. Seeing as you were... Exhibiting specific behaviours. Towards your peers. As well as her. I thought. Well. It wouldn't be too bad - to try a... Uhm..."

He swallowed silently.

"Go on."

The sound of Onewa's voice made his entire body want to crumple into itself and implode, and it took a considerable amount of willpower not to do that and instead complete his sentence in a strangled voice: "A conservation effort."

"Mata fucking Nui, brother," Iruini sputtered out a little too loudly before he could stop himself.

"That's a fair reason, actually," Whenua mused.

An ice pick to the knee later and he was splayed as flat as a corpse on the floor while Nuju shrieked at him something that sounded a lot like No It Is NOT, You MAHI-BRAINED Mole Of An ARCHIVIST.

Onewa did not lose his poise.

"Little one," he called; the krahka in his hand turned to him with an air of great focus, and followed his finger as it pointed straight at Pouks: "Kill!"

Not even the time to react: the tiny beast promptly jumped off of his palm in a fluid motion, bounced on the floor like a rubber ball, scared Norik into scrambling right up Bomonga's arm and into the safety of Kualus's hands before he was run over by their clumsy charge, snapped open their little maws and clamped them down right on an exposed tendon of Pouks' leg.

Had hit slapstick cartoon 'Tom and Jerry' existed in this universe, the Toa's scream would have been indiscernible from the fictional cat's.

"TEETH," he wailed out in genuine anguish, keeling over and falling onto the floor to writhe in agony as the little bastard found his torment funnier than anything and resorted to biting him even harder, "OOOH SHARP LITTLE TEETH. OH MATA NUI PRESERVE ME IT HURTS. OH HOW IT HURTS."

The Turaga turned to the rest of the Hagah: "You're next."

"They've been alive for minutes and you've conditioned them to enact violence in your stead already?!" Gaaki shrieked.

"Yes. Little one, kill!"

Her scream turned wobbly as she hastily threw herself onto her Earth brother to scale him, Iruini following suit when the bloodthirsty dangerously ankle-height beast turned their attention to him since their designated prey had already escaped to higher grounds; eyes widening in terror as the creature began to now bounce in his direction, no doubt planning on mauling one of his own easily targetable enlarged muscles, Bomonga shrank back to his regular size and slid away from the pile of his siblings that crashed gracelessly only floor, sacrificing them in favor of the integrity of his flesh - a betrayal that ended up not even being worth the attempt as the krahka had already jumped far too high and far, thus managing to find the perfect trajectory to chomp at his wrist in mid-air.

With a strangled cry he fell right back into the heap of limbs that were the Toa Hagah. And at that point all Karzhani broke lose, because the little one, overwhelmed by the noise and adrenaline and fun and with no other instruction other than 'kill', grew a few more mouth in various disjointed parts of their body and began biting the shit out of anything they laid eyes on, which unfortunately happened to be the previously mentioned Toa.

The Turaga watched the bloodshed unfold halfway between enraptured and horrified, as though they were looking at a car crash in real time.

Some kind of garbled yell in Kualus's voice begged for mercy.

"In a moment," Matau replied while lazily scratching at the little Le-one trying to wriggle out of the blanket in response to the noise, not showing any intention of moving a muscle beyond that. "I deepthink Whenua would first like to downwrite some knowledgenotes on the everinteresting foodmanners of the krahka."

His Earth brother did not agree with his statement only because he was already scribbling away.

Norik squawked a horrid sound as he tried to hurriedly unshrink himself before he got chewed up into crumpled paper that sounded very much like PLEASE THIS HURTS WORSE THAN HORDIKA POISON, though there was room for debate.

Nuju chirped back something along the lines of Get Fucked.

More anguished yelling ensued.

It would have continued for a long while, frankly, or at least until one of the healers or nurses waltzed in and forcibly pried the little carnivorous pest off of the agonizing clump of metal and fllesh, had the Turaga not been startled by a very loud excited gasp coming out of absolutely nowhere.

Suddenly standing in the room as though having materialized in it was now a confusing being, a mismatched mess of Toa and Rahi and Agori parts clearly put together without having dedicated much thought into the whole assembly, clasping her hands to her chest and grinning an enormous almost ghastly smile as she beamed at the terrible tiny beast with nothing but pure unadultered pride.

"A natural hunter!" she cried out delighted.

Onewa pointed at her immediately: "LITTLE ONE!" he shrieked, "KILL! KILL! KILL!"

The krahka's head whipped to attention in the span of a second. With an impressive bounce considering its minuscule size they leaped onto their new victim - and much to the dismay of their father ended up right on her chest as she faked falling prey to their assault, maw opened to whine breathily about her coming end and make the little one grumble out a few hyena-like cackles as the two of them played Who-Will-Bite-Whose-Face-First.

With an angered tsk, the Stone Turaga sank back into his cot and crossed his arms.

Their new guest laughed at his annoyance.

"Oh, you shut it!" he growled back at her: "The least you could do is let them maul you properly! You have no idea what I've been through to get that menace out here."

A long slithering sound accompanied the now snake-like Rahi as she snuck onto the cot and behind the disgruntled Turaga, sustaining his neck and back with a sweetness that purposefully didn't mask a certain mocking quality to the caring motion: "I don't," Krahka agreed in a gloating tone as she nuzzled his mask, "And thanks to you I never will have to!"

She giggled louder as her face was shoved away, little one wrapped around her neck giggling with her: "Well, you could have warned me this could have happened!"

"I thought you knew."

"How was I supposed to know?! I didn't even know what I was doing!"

"That's not what you said that time."

"I'm fairly certain I was beyond speech in that moment."

The Rahi hushed for a few seconds, during which her spawn fell back onto the cot and trotted again to Onewa's lap: "Yeah, you weren't exactly capable of verbal communication," she recalled at last, "But your body--"

"Please keep that to yourself," Kualus croaked from the floor, promptly getting yelled at by Nuju to shut up.

Krahka treated him to a weird look: "I meant scents and posture," she explained: "Those are other ways for Rahi to communicate. Like this little one here, you can almost smell how much they like you."

Onewa shifted his gaze to find oily blueish eyes looking very attentively at his face, the tiny spawn of Karzhani wiggling where they sat with barely contained enthusiasm. A creaking chirp rattled up their throat as they kneaded at his leg with their clumsily shifting hands resembling now hooves, now paws, now proper palms; unable to fight back, the Turaga cradled them in his palm and watched them all but melt into it.

"Aren't you terrible, little one," he muttered, trying not to sound too fond and failing completely.

They'd have to find a name for them too, wouldn't they? Ah, so much trouble they were... And besides, the creature had already gotten used to being 'little one', so what was the point.

He muttered the words to himself: little one.

Lil' one.

Lil' wan.

Lil' wa.

Lilwa.

Lilua.

Liluah.

Hm.

Liluah wasn't so bad.

Krahka's satisfied purr of agreement was so potent that not only did it rattle his entire frame, but its vibrations managed to spread out to the cot as well, finally stirring her offspring's half-siblings from their torpor and causing them to somewhat angrily peek through the blanket they'd been swarmed beneath to complain wordlessly at her in the hopes she'd keep it down.

They would also need names, he mused to himself. Those would have to be decided by the six of them together - there was no way he could come up with five more on the spot, and Nokama would probably be at least a little upset if they didn't have some kind of specific meaning, or maybe she would have like to pick some from old legends. There was no way they were accepting anything from Matau, though. Sure, any suggestion from Nuju would have to be translated from bird, Vakama probably wasn't going to be of much help, and Whenua was bound to somehow fit in some tie or other to Rahi (which, in truth, would be fairly fitting), but all of that was preferrable to ending up with a clutter of little beings walking around named after music instruments or perhaps even worse, extremely volatile vehicles.

A good Po-Matoran doesn't believe too hard in the superstition that names shape a being into their true self much like molds, preferring to leave that up to the choices and actions one makes in their lifetime; but considering their brother's fancy for fast things usually very easy to crash into walls, it didn't hurt to be cautious.

He realized he'd neglected to mention their existence to Krahka only when he looked back to the Rahi to find her staring at the five beasties with an inexplicable expression, eyes wide enough to fall out of her head, stunned beyond words.

She leaned her snout closer to one of them, sniffing them intensely and nudging the plates of the spent red armor with her nose as though trying to tickle it off.

"Those are not yours!" Vakama shouted suddenly, as if overwhelmed by a burst of protectiveness, scaring her off of the tiny creature. "They aren't krahka, they're - they're..." he sunk a little in his shoulders, resolve wavering, but it was too late already; so he coughed embarrassedly once on behalf of the other Turaga as well, and concluded with a peep: "Ours."

Krahka blinked.

She gazed at the rest of the former Toa Metru.

What came out of her throat could have been called a whimper.

It didn't take long for her to shake off her melancholy, though: "Well!" she simply chirped, "Since I've infiltrated your litter and none of you have any experience or instinct to deal with small beings such as these, I shall make it my duty to help you raise them."

"... So that they're technically also yours?" Nokama translated.

The other grinned at her like a stone rat who got into the pantry and needed not say a word.

Oh, who cared - they were definitely going to need the help, and Mata Nui knew they had no clue whatsoever what to do with... with... With whatever these could be called.

(They had a discussion on what word to use for them later on, propositions ranging from cubs to pups to fletchlings to just plain Matoran - which felt incomprehensibly wrong - until Onewa had put his foot down on calling them 'kids'. Matau and Nuju had both objected on referring to these clearly anthropomorphic beings in the same way as juvenile goats, but he'd insisted: he was the one who'd gotten them out into the world, the word didn't immediately evoke some kind of Rahi, and even then he liked Mahi goats.)

(To say he was smug when the Agori confirmed 'kid' was another way they had to refer to babies would have been an understatement.)

Better not to look a gift Ussal crab in the mouth.

"How did they happen, anyhow?" Krahka inquired. "I thought Onewa was the exception among you."

Said supposed exception swatted at her nose.

Six pairs of eyes then turned to the heap of metal that was tentatively pulling its various limbs apart and back into the shape of a team of six Toa, who instantly froze in place under the still vengeful gazes of the Turaga.

Being used to reading body language meant that the Rahi instantly got the message - a very amusing one, truth be told, considering the immense fear emanating from the Hagah.

"Liluah!" she called.

Her offspring tore their attention away from their half-siblings and moved their focus towards her.

"Kill!"

The sound of several seven-foot-tall warriors scrambling desperately to escape a creature barely larger than half of their hands was music to her and her friends' ears. Less so for the healers that had to wrangle Liluah off of the screaming Toa before they managed to chew through the protodermis, but she supposed some sacrifices had to be made for the sake of her comedic enjoyment.

[qqueenofhades]

Genuinely hope this isn't too weird or personal or a rant but here goes

Recently I've been having a bit of a sexuality crisis and I don't know what's going on. I'm a cis woman and I've never had any interest in men at all for my entire life and knew I wanted to be with a woman, I was completely confident I was gay because I just never felt anything toward men that I do women. But recently I have this one male friend who I'm very good friends with and he recently asked me out on a date. I've known him for a while and looking back, it's embarrassingly obvious that I had a crush. Like I quite literally described it as a platonic crush (spoiler alert: it was not platonic) to one of my friends and compared it to the exact same feelings as a romantic one and I would not shut up about him and how he's an amazing, wonderful person, which he absolutely is.

And I've had crushes on women before which was probably why I was... in denial, for lack of a better phrase? And I didn't want to ruin anything I had with him as a friendship, I had no idea how I felt, and apparently every single one of our mutual friends realized that something was up except for me. He also knows I'm some flavor of not-straight even if I've never explicitly been "hi I'm a lesbian" just because it's never come up in conversation and he's cool with that, even if he's straight himself. But he's such a nice and amazing person and I'm really excited for whatever might happen and I feel like even if it doesn't work out romantically he'd still be a great friend.

I never had the "oh my god am I gay" sexuality crisis, I was just always gay and confident in that about myself, and to make things even worse, I'm not publicly out but basically all my friends do know that I thought I was lesbian and it's actually kinda hard trying to be like "yeah I thought I was gay too, apparently I'm straighter than I thought" but this is an incredibly recent development, I still feel more comfortable with a lesbian label than bi or pan or anything but I'm completely and hopelessly attracted romantically to a man and I feel like I've lost the right to use that label as someone who is apparently NOT exclusively attracted to women when up until about a week ago, I spent my entire life thinking I was. And everything that's going on all of a sudden is just weird and confusing and frustrating and there's a lot of good stuff and a lot of not-so-good stuff all associated with this.

So I dunno, if you have any sort of advice or anything to say, I'm not sure, I just feel like I need to talk about this somehow and try to figure out who I am and how I'm feeling, and this is really hard

Welp. Oh honey. I feel bad that instead of being able to just enjoy the possibility of a new romance with a great person, you have to worry about whether you're the "right" kind of queer or whether you "can't" identify as a lesbian anymore or all of this. I can definitely see the rhetorical roots of what's worrying you, and especially the way it is viciously propagated in online queer spaces, so yeah.

First of all, and most important: absolutely nobody, NOBODY, in the entire world gets to tell you which label you should or should not use, or try to strip it from you. I know the younger queer community in general is INCREDIBLY fond of restrictive gatekeeping, attempting to devise micro-labels for everything, and insisting that you have to be Just One Thing and Not Another, but it's... not true. It's not that you're "straighter than you thought" (which in this framework is automatically pejorative/less worthy than being "properly gay"), it's just that sexuality is fluid, the queer experience is fluid, and you've found someone that you're attracted to regardless of gender -- which is the whole concept of queer sexuality in a nutshell. If any of your friends want to give you grief or insist that you're a Bad Lesbian or whatever, I cordially invite them to take a nice perambulation into the nearest body of water. It is NOT THEIR BUSINESS and if they want to shame you for discovering something new about yourself, rather than support you, then fuck 'em. I am so serious. If you're still most comfortable identifying as a lesbian, that's what you are! Over time, you might decide to move to more of a bi/pan label, or just "queer," or whatever else. Or you may not. Either one is totally fine.

Secondly, this feeling has its roots in the radfem ideology of the 1970s, which has been repackaged, reheated, and distributed in TERF spaces today, and obviously fuck TERFs, we don't welcome TERFs or anything they think about in this space, so yeah. The idea was that women who had any kind of romantic or sexual attraction to men at all were "inferior," that "gold star lesbians" only ever had sex with/romantic relationships with women, and that any queer woman/wlw who had any kind of attraction to men was just obliged by the patriarchy to pretend that they did. In other words, bisexual women were just "lesbians in waiting" who were deluding themselves about wanting men at all, sexual contact with men made you "impure" or less "worthy," and all kinds of other gross things. This is obviously a) wrong, b) hella biphobic, c) and still harmfully prevalent in modern TERF spaces, which do their utmost to convince the younger queer generations that this is the "only right way" to do it. Which, since being queer is all about breaking singular paradigms and embracing fluidity, is total nonsense. It's why they hate the word "queer" itself and try to convince people that it's the "q-slur," because it's too deliberately broad, non-determinative, and inclusive.

Take me for example: as a younger person, I first experienced attraction to/romantic interest in men, so I assumed (HA) that I was straight, and totally ignored the part where I also had those feelings about women. (The amount of "I bet straight women also have these thoughts!" that I did was, uh, a lot.) It wasn't until my late 20s that I consciously acknowledged it and went uh hey, super not straight here, so I began identifying as bisexual. Now in my mid-thirties, when I'm only attracted to women in real life, mostly want to spend time with women, and would only think about marrying a woman, I've decided that "lesbian" is probably the best term for me. But I still do experience attraction to men from time to time! Usually a man that I have no chance of ever actually meeting or having a relationship with; i.e. blorbo from my shows or something like that, and when the hyperfixation fades, the attraction often (if not always) does as well. So maybe there's an element of knowing that I WON'T actually have to do anything about it that plays into it. Who knows. The point is, I still call myself a lesbian, because it's what makes the most sense for my orientation as I experience it, and I do not have to drum myself out of using this label because I still sometimes find men attractive. There are a lot of people in the world! There are a lot of experiences! There is no one RIGHT way to be LGBTQ, and anyone telling and/or insisting that there is, and that you should be shamed if you don't do it exactly in their narrow-minded, bigoted way, should safely and swiftly be completely ignored.

Anyway: you should feel absolutely free to pursue this relationship, you should feel absolutely free to call yourself whatever you damn well please, and if that evolves over time, great! If it doesn't, also great! You alone know who you are and have the most right to define your identity and experience, and anyone who would give you grief over it is definitely, DEFINITELY not worth the time of day.

[mochiwrites]

I don't think I quite have all the words I want to say- But my goodness if this is gonna be long.

Your writing is gorgeous. And you can take all the time you need on it if it means you can be proud of it and enjoy it as much as I do. When I read Songbird, the characterization was genuinely on point and made complete sense for all of them. I love their unique ways of going about things and how anything they do can be led back to the concept of cause and effect. Idk, I like how despite all the traumas they experience, all the fear, all the blackmail, and wondering if tomorrow will even exist, the one constant they can look forward to is each other. They're hurt, lonely, confused. But they can hold each other's hands and tell the other it'll be okay. (ALBEIT THE RECENT CHAPTER HAS GOT ME IN SHAMBLES THANKS A LOT???) I genuinely love the way you write them all. Grian has got his iconic sass and is always on the go, moving around. He's curious. So curious that it leads him to find people he wants to protect. He wants to do something. He wants validation and to know he's doing things right. He's only human, but since when did that stop him from playing a game way beyond his understanding? Mumbo is lonely and filled with his past mistakes. He pushes away until he realizes he can't anymore. And he lets the light in. The only light he can look at. He grows attached. He's easily flustered, gets snarky, and gets surprised, he's painfully human despite how much he says he's a monster. And I think that's what has gotta hurt about the most recent update. The only humanity he could look forward to, not his own, but another- Possibly gone.

Scar's development is so interesting. He's perfect in every way. He knows what he's doing and doesn't hesitate to do it. Until he does. And just like Mumbo he's grasping for that light to hold onto, but in turn, he crushes it in his palm, only feeling the warm memory of what it was like to be looked at as himself and not a monster. I find your play on words so incredibly fascinating. Fae have such a connection to identity. Scar identifies with a word Grian refuses to call him. Something he was consistently called by so many people until he got a gentle look of determination and care that shattered down his walls. That made him feel with his non-existent "soft human heart". Being taught that identity is what you make of it, and it's up to you and nobody else to decide what you are. But he can't go through with it. Because it's not his choice.

RAAA!!!! I'm so sorry for the long message but I'm such a sucker for your writing and I will probably write more in your dms soon if you're okay with it. But seriously, your writing has got my brain ticking around the clock. Every second of waiting is worth it if you can hold your story in your hands and tell yourself, "I'm proud of this." Because you should be. (Plus, it gives me more time to plan art pieces BNFJBN)

WAILS AND SOBS AT YOU???? REALLY LOUD????

uwahhhhh thank you sm 🥺💕💕 everyone's characterization is something I keep in mind all the time, with every action or thought they may have and ueueueue I'm glad they feel true to their characters. there's just something about like... experiencing so much bad and evil together, but knowing with certainty that the people around you will be there at the end of the day.

AND ALL THREE OF THEM,,, WAILS. grian and his stubborn curiosity but determination to protect and help. yet he's still so pesky and sassy and the impact he has on mumbo and scar is so important. so so so incredibly important. I genuinely don't think the songbird story would hit the same way if he wasn't human.

and mumbo ;-; he has such a kind heart but he's filled with guilt and regret that he pushes people away. and the thing that gets me with him is like,,, he tries so hard to squash that innate kindness, yet he can't help but give that kindness out anyways. and that's so painfully human??? I love sb!mumbo a lot, sad little vampire man.

theN THERE'S SCAR. SCAR WHO I WANT TO SHAKE AROUND SOOOOO AFFECTIONATELY I PROMMY. he's a character that is SO incredibly interesting to me both to study and write and I love how he's developing in the story. we're finally approaching the point in the story where we really see the goodtimeswithscar that we all know and love, and I'm so jittery about revealing his backstory. scar's connection to his identity is so... AUGH. AUGH. I love him ( even while he's making terrible mistakes rn <3 )

but,,, sobbing so incredibly loud at you 🥹💕💕 songbird is very precious to me and I am so proud of it. so incredibly proud of it. long message is 100% welcome, and please!!! feel free to wiggle on into dms :D (and sobs??? plan art??? soBS????)

[o-uncle-newt]

Cabin Pressure Advent Day 24: Xinzhou

To quote Stefon from SNL, this episode has everything! It's actually pretty crazy how much it manages to fit- seamlessly!- into less than half an hour. We have the introduction of such iconic concepts as Fizz Buzz and "here I am don't tread on me," the excellent Film Double Bills game, bacon shirt, baby chicken and baby lamb... I'm sure I'm forgetting something, but honestly the big things is that this all fits around SO many conversations that move the plot forward.

So many of the important things that we need to do before moving on toward the end of the show happen in this episode. We establish that Martin is dating Theresa (even if he won't put a label on it) and is invested enough to potentially want to choose a job in proximity to her. We know that Carolyn hasn't given Herc any kind of real answer and is pretty avoidant of the consequences. We know that Douglas did not know that Carolyn is essentially cutting his job out from under his feet.... and we know that Arthur doesn't know what multiples are. Oh, Arthur, I love you so.

It's interesting, because the arc of Douglas moving from being obnoxious to Martin about his interest in Swiss Airways is not super clearly laid out. What we do perceive is that he isn't necessarily being snarky at first because he genuinely has no confidence in Martin- he's having a knee jerk reaction to the idea of losing this situation. He's basically exactly where he wants to be- and I think to him that's the depressing part, because he has an image of himself as being so much more than he currently is and if he's happy regardless then that can feel like a weakness of its own... it's hard for him to admit he's really happy where he is. I think that what really changes his mind is realizing that Martin genuinely does have bigger dreams, and that those dreams have nothing to do with being a captain. As I've mentioned in one or two of these, Martin's motivating factor for trying to rescue MJN, every other episode when they have to work to save the day, is that nobody else will let him be a captain and being captain is massively important to him. But now, he's prioritizing flying airliners and being near the girl he's dating over that ego thing. He's grown up, and I think seeing that proves to Douglas how selfish his earlier thought is.

And Carolyn... it's so hard to know what Carolyn is thinking exactly. On the one hand, she's pushing Herc away by telling him not to consider her as he takes the Swiss Airways job, and at the same time she's encouraging Martin to leave for his betterment, which will eventually (as far as we now know) lead to the end of MJN Air. Is it some kind of weird self sabotage? Is it her being a more selfless person than one might imagine her being in S1? She's probably the most emotionally bound-up character, and it will of course be fun to see how she navigates the next few episodes...

But also, as already discussed, this episode has so many amazing amazing moments in it and I'm just so in awe of JF for pulling it off so flawlessly- while Limerick is the bomb, I think this one might be even more skillfully pulled off, with a lot more demanded of it. I also have a nice nostalgic memory related to Xinzhou as I made a friend through this episode! A friend and I were out for dinner with a group of people, some of whom we knew and some who we didn't, and someone (for some reason) mentioned baby food- possibly in the context of them liking to eat baby food? I don't recall. Anyway, I made a sotto voce comment to my friend about eating chicken flavored baby food and I suddenly heard a British accent a few seats down- "is that a Cabin Pressure reference?!" Turns out, she was IN THE AUDIENCE for Xinzhou and said it was even better in person, I was very jealous, and while we've drifted apart since then it was very nice to get to know her- and all because of a Cabin Pressure reference.

Next episode is Yverdon... can't believe this is almost over!!

[xexiar]

Character Analysis: Bakugou Katsuki. Part 3

As always: Disclaimer: This is for fun. I am not a professional psychiatrist, nor claim to be. These are my thoughts and opinions. If you do not agree, thank you for at least reading, but DO NOT comment!

——

Bakugo Katsuki acceptance.

This layout interesting. That’s because it’s not a linear course of events. But instead it shows the contrast between Katsuki’s conflicting beliefs.

Starting with the two memories on the right. Katsuki starting belief “I am superior.” Then to be proven that he is not. Which starts breaking into his insecurities. At that, he’s very uncomfortable understanding or managing. But instead of accepting to understand these emotions he fights back.

Then we have the two pictures at the far left. Where he needs help and is feeling of desperation but refuses the notion of Izuku saving him. He was physical vulnerable but his beliefs wouldn’t accept someone lesser as his hero. But next to that we see him accepting the notion to work with Izuku, even if temporary.

This a sharp contrast to everything he believes in growing up. It shows how much progress he’s done to break down his beliefs and questions them. Questioning the concept of “perfection” and if he even deserves to be helped. To be able to question his self worth is a huge step for him.

Now for the 3 middle images. Katsuki is at his lowest again, but this time he has new skill sets to help process things. At this point he have heard genuine admiration by the adults he looks up to. Along with having Best Jeanist as a mentor also helped challenge in internal beliefs.

I can only assume that while under Best Jeanist, Katsuki was being truly seen by an adult. Since growing up, adults were the only source to know where his self worth was. It is proven with the right help and encouragement a child’s self confidence can grow.

I like to believe Best Jeanist became a therapist to Katsuki. Where Katsuki learned to communicate and express in a safe environment. We see how he values his mentor. Which gives evidence to my suspicions.

But because Katsuki still is struggling to be emotionally vulnerable, he still tries doing things he always done. So when he challenges Izuku, it’s more along the lines that old habits die hard. Yet, when he sees that fighting isn’t getting the results he’s seeking he finally breaks down.

Katsuki has always been blamed for smallest mistakes. So, this has more of an impact on him because of his core beliefs making him take this as his fault. He does not see or comprehend anything outside of it’s because of him.

Up until this point, because of Katsuki mixed beliefs has him at a crossroad. So, he turned to someone who has always been there from his highest moments to his lowest. He finally accepted that he needed help and that nobody would be worthy enough than the person who has always reached out to him.

Due to finally allowing himself to be vulnerable he comes to a realization. Being vulnerable is ok. Allowing oneself to express and experience different emotions feels like a burden has been lifted. Katsuki even allows himself to accept genuine support without fighting back or performing.

We see this growth in accepting that his previous beliefs were wrong. That he’s not alone and can safely be himself. And due to this acceptance of self he also allows himself to re-evaluate all his past actions through a different mindset.

Katsuki admitting certain aspects of himself is still a struggle. But he comes to a lot realization that he’s struggling to process. So, for him being worried isn’t just due to past mistakes. This isn’t just about making up for his actions. Katsuki is also attempting to return the hand Izuku always gave him.

But Katsuki’s old habits still has him struggling with communicating verbally. Up until this point, his verbal breakdowns were all with intense self worthlessness being the focus. And when he experience a lost he does not know how to handle, is where the final wall of his belief system breaks down.

Where actions speaks louder than words. Katsuki always having to perform never thought about questioning this one simple yet impactful belief. So, to have Izuku just leave after Katsuki worked so hard to show that he’s doing better, it breaks him. For once he’s rejected by the one person who had never done so. To him this is a fail.

And the way Katsuki reacts to failure, time and time again, is a full panic attack. But this time he has nobody to blame for this failure. There’s no fingers to point, no one person to accuse. There’s not even a point of references on how he’ll be able recover from this failure.

But unlike the many times before, he does have better coping skills. He now has a different point of view on what is and isn’t possible. Yet, it takes some time for him to allow himself to process his emotions. Because the major skill he has learned to put into practice is acceptance.

He has to accept his failure. He has to accept the emotions that is washing over him. He has to accept the rejection that he feels. He has to accept every last ounce of thoughts and feelings for him to move forward. And when he’s done he is able to think clearly on what his next step is.

The next step is to vocally express his thoughts. Katsuki’s apology is much more than just stating that it was never Izuku’s fault. He’s apologizing for not accepting his own flaws. He’s apologizing for putting the blame on Izuku when that never should have happened. He’s apologizing for feeling so inferior that putting down someone else was all he could do.

The key component I took from this apology was that Katsuki is telling Izuku that it was never Izuku’s fault. That Katsuki blamed Izuku for something he never did. And when he states he doesn’t expect things to change, it has a double meaning.

Things between Katsuki and Izuku has long been changed, but I don’t believe Katsuki sees this. With how trapped he is struggling his belief system, he’s blind to what’s in front of him. So when he says “change” I took it as he’s referring to his dynamic with Izuku.

Katsuki’s and Izuku’s dynamic had long changed up until this point. But I don’t believe Katsuki is aware of this. Because of his internal struggles he seems to take information as symbolic, compared to Izuku. And because of self worth, he doesn’t believe that change is possible.

This apology also came off as a plea. Almost pleading Izuku return, if not for Katsuki than for everyone else. Katsuki insecurities doesn’t see him worthy to plea for himself. But he would do anything to that not fail again.

Which this all comes back to how Katsuki fully and whole accepts that the core belief of “perfection” is wrong. He accepts he isn’t this ideal and takes in all his flaws. Katsuki comes full circle back to the day Izuku reached out to him. That Katsuki is just another person and it’s ok to accept help.

——

Part 1 Part 2

——

That’s that. Next will be Izuku. If you think I missed anything please leave a comment.

[dlstmxkakwldrlarchive]

i feel like this is a stupid rant but still.

i don't get how taemints can easily get away with saying that taem should've still had jinkis part after he came back saw tweet saying this with over 1k likes n not one person calling this behaviour weird. if any other subfandom said this about taemins part they would start crying but apparently they can claim that this is all fun n harmless even though said member couldn't perform cause he was out sick n nobody even knew how he was doing. do they think that taemin would prefer having that part n not have jinki back like man was ready to do a song like pansy the moment jinki said something about it in jinki jangpan (even though it was a misunderstanding). the way taemints treat jinki pisses me the hell off like genuinely even if i wasn't a fan it would still seem not ok to me. n every jjingu is somehow an akgae like the call is coming from the house its so hard to find taemints who aren't deranged n will drag the other members down when they achieve something over taemin. jongho usually don't get dragged since jjong can't n minhos a nugu to them (+ being the top ships for taemin) so it's fine since they can't surpass taemin but jinkibum get dragged around daily for everything. ntm them coming after blingers for saying it was bittersweet to see taemin sales be more than jjongs or for him to do that high note like its clear they only care about the members when they aren't threatening taemins achievement. also them dragging young artists for no reason n still not learning when taemin literally had to bbl about yeonjun too like he's not like you n wouldn't support bullying others or his members.

honestly, i get why ppl think tm has the right to have a solo fanbase, like his solo work is way older than the other ones, and it influenced in a very significant way the industry is in, like not only musically, he introduced new concepts, a new idea of what an idol should be, want started a new fashion trend that everyone is trying to emulate, the ace title too... but id rather eat shit than divide him from shinee lol

ignoring the sentimental part, shinee influenced tm solo a lot and he talked abt it too like when he said during mttmg that view's choreo made him realize that a choreo shouldn't always be powerful and that idea helped the making of move's choreo or just how his vocal technique is similiar to jjong's, he even mentioned all the members as artists he looks up to next to mj (😭) tm solo music is far from shinee group music vibe like kinda but imo he wouldn't have been able to release music with that kind of unique vibe if he wouldn't have debuted with shinee, like his shinee route is important in his artistry (like even in the smallest things like getting to know staff he liked) AND that's what these ppl dont like.

there's also this silent belief (that a lot of ppl share) that shinee was actually jongtae stepping stone to debut solo and that onmikey were like just there, like yeah I also think jjong doesn't get much hate because he's part of one of tm most popular ships but they see him as some kind of equal too while jinkibum are always looked down as soloists - i don't think they respect jjong fr btw, it's more like charts, music shows etc - and minho siiiiiiiigh.

[veeranger]

Vee’s Steam Summer Sale 2023 Recommendations

as always these are just personal opinions etc etc please look up some real reviews before buying a game if you aren’t sure and remember that steam will give you a full refund if you have less than 2 hours played in under 2 weeks.

im going to try to recc stuff i havent shilled every 6 months for the last 5 years but the VNs are going to be the same as always honestly

Fighting Games

Guilty Gear -Strive- Ultimate Edition 2022 ($55.99)

yes im specifically saying buy ultimate edition because it has all the dlc as of this writing. buy the base version if you want but i hate playing fighting games with incomplete rosters.

anyway this is my favorite fighting game, bar none. this is the game that after years of screwing around on a bunch of other games finally got me to really want to get better and actually play against other people. there’s a super active playerbase and at least another year of support from arcsys on the way. the best time to start playing strive was a year ago but the second best time is right now.

Idol Showdown (Free)

yes im shilling a free game here. idol showdown is a good fighting game and the result of like three years of hard work from a small team. try it out and give them some love

Nitroplus Blasterz: Heroines Infinite Duel ($4.99)

this is not a good game but it is a funny game. saber is in it.

Narrative Games

AI: The Somnium Files - $7.99

one of the finest mystery games you can play imo. maybe uchikoshi’s best work. a perfect blend of mystery, character, and style. every character and conversation is compelling in its own way and every little thing builds up to the huge moments which makes them all feel totally earned. as always uchikoshi is a genius in the way he blends his signature branching timeline style with the themes and core concepts of the game. the twists and turns this game goes down are so crazy that weeks later you’ll still be realizing how all the little things you thought were just quirks were actually foreshadowing. cannot recc this enough tbh.

Zero Escape: The Nonary Games - $11.99

another uchikoshi joint, also extremely good. ive only finished 999, the first game in this collection, but i can recc it just based on the strength of that alone. whereas somnium is a murder mystery, 999 is a visual novel about being trapped in a murder game interspliced with escape room segments. whatever you think you know you dont, 999 will take you down so many twists and turns you’ll be fucking dizzy when you’re done with it. big recc.

VA-11 HALL-A: Cyberpunk Bartender Action - $10.04

i could probably talk about this game for as long as the others, even though its way way less complex. va-11 hall-a doesnt have a huge sweeping story with insane twists and massive reveals, but what it does have is an extremely personal narrative about loss, healing, and just living your life the best way you can in a horrible dystopian world. the cast of characters feel utterly real and you learn about the world they inhabit through interactions with them, rather than being infodumped by exposition. everyone has their own story and everyone is just trying to get by, including you. one of the best small scale personal narrative games ive ever played.

Night In The Woods - $9.99

another vn i would consider “small scale” but equally as impactful. nitw is a story about a disillusioned and struggling college drop out returning to her economically declining home town. nobody is secure, nobody is happy, everyone is suffering through their daily lives. you follow mae as she struggled to readjust to her childhood home and the people she left behind. until something happens that changes her priorities radically. all ill say. despite how i just made it sound, nitw is not all depressing. theres lighthearted moments and wacky days to cut through the bleak fog, as well as genuinely heartfelt moments that feel very earned. nitw is a game i think that everyone struggling through their 20s should play.

Grim Fandango Remastered ($3.79)

i know this is an old school adventure game and you might yell at me for sort of grouping it in with the VNs but i dont care. its a classic, its a beautiful game, everyone should play it. its old, it controls like shit, the puzzles are obtuse, but the experience is wonderful and memorable. its cheap as hell just go for it.

Action

Assault Spy ($4.99)

this goofy ass game is fun as hell. its a very dmc style character action with upgrades and moves to buy, and it actually has a pretty goddamn good mechanical system in place. the gameplay loop rules. only warning is this is not well optimized so watch your computer doesnt explode.

Marvel’s Spider-Man Remastered ($40.19)

i shouldn’t even have to shill. a must play for any spider-man fan. one the best spider-man stories ever hands down. such an incredible experience seriously. i cant even say enough here, if you haven’t played this yet you should do it asap.

Marvel’s Spider-Man: Miles Morales ($33.49)

everything i just said for the first game goes here too. a MUST play for miles morales fans. the combat is even better than the first too. you won’t regret playing this trust me.

Marvel’s Avengers - The Definitive Edition ($5.99)

no i’m not joking. ok well i kind of am but this game is getting delisted in september. it is an unforgivably mid piece of shit but if you have an interest in game preservation or playing something so bad they’re killing it forever, well here it is. they made all the microtransactions free btw.

Others

Tinykin ($13.75)

its like pikmin but its legally distinct! i like this game a lot, it has a very cute art style and its got easy to enjoy gameplay. i find it very relaxing. there’s a demo.

System Shock 2 ($2.49)

i will never stop shilling this game. fucking play it. its a cornerstone of video games. one of the most influential pieces ever put to pixel. you owe it to yourself to experience this if you feel any interest in it. maybe read a guide though its unforgiving if you screw around with your build.

Dead Space [2023] ($41.99)

exceptionally good. i dont have to shill the old shitty pc port of the original anymore. an A+ remake, i think it improves on the original in every conceivable way.

Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night ($11.99)

such a goddamn good metroidvania. its almost like the platonic ideal of a castlevania game. a true spiritual successor to SOTN. this isnt your dime a dozen soulslike vania, this is a true vania game in the best original style made by basically one of the core founders of the genre.

STAR WARS™ Knights of the Old Republic™ II - The Sith Lords™ ($3.49)

its a fuckin classic rpg. one of the best of the era. get it on pc so you can get that extended content mod they promised to import to the console version and then cancelled.

Save Room - Organization Puzzle ($2.09)

this is just a cute puzzle game. i like it.

[gingeremo]

Do you think you would actually meet someone from tumblr for a date? Seems to be a lot of dudes on here that fancy you, but lust from afar. I just think it's interesting that everyone probably has the same insecurities that you do, and nobody has taken the risk. Social media for the socially inept(myself included). I've realized it's unlikely I'm going to meet someone to date on Tumblr, but I'm even less clueless about dating irl. Do you ever use dating apps or sites? I am pretty clueless about how to meet people that don't suck out here in the real world. Thought I'd ask all these silly questions because any perspective would help me out. I was in a very toxic relationship for a long time, dating is a pretty foreign concept now.......🫤

It's one thing to fancy me, but it's another to actually make that move. They're all anonymous and it's honestly hard to tell if they really mean it. I don't know if they're serious.

That's just it, I haven't met anyone on here or even in my personal life who wants to give me a chance and see where things go. Even just as mates. I'm just tired of putting in effort where it's not appreciated to be honest. I'm either ghosted or just not good enough.

I have used dating apps, but they don't do anything for me personally.

I don't think you sound silly at all. If you don't ask then you won't find out 🤷🏻‍♀️ I mean, there's nothing wrong with being curious.

I'm just done with mind games, being messed about and being on an obvious rotation with other girls. I'm not interested in that at all. When it comes to dating and doing sexual stuff I really would rather do it with someone who is serious about it and who genuinely wants me and likes me and who is serious and sure about me.

[mageofmindfr]

Could you analyze page of life? Thank you and have a good day!

Haha, sorry for the long wait, life happened (haha, life). Uhm. Yeah I usually think up some sort of intro to the posts but now I’m just coming up blank, so, let’s just get to it?

Anyways, what do we know about the Page class, to begin with?

Pages are a class centered around self-growth. A lot of sburb/sgrub is based on allowing the players to grow more as people, but Pages have a lot to achieve in the span of the game, and as such we barely see a glimpse of what a fully realized Page can do in the source material at all, except that they are considered one of the most powerful classes out there.

Pages generally adapt traits of their Aspect into their personality, and grow more into themselves as they do so. There’s a lot of work in being a Page, and not everyone is built for it, because you need the ability to learn to look at yourself in a non-judgemental way and think of ways to improve yourself that are feasible and not just “I want to be better”. And that’s hard to do.

As Pages need to learn more about themselves and their aspect (and sometimes just the world at large), they’re very receptive to new ideas and concepts, and can have very flexible mindsets when it comes to certain things (and yet, unfortunately, usually not themselves). Pages can be very earnest and genuine people, which can lead them to accidentally learn things harmful to both themselves and the people around them, and they have to work very hard to unlearn such things on their journey.

So Pages need to learn to embrace their aspect in order to become the best versions of themselves they can be. What about the aspect, then?

Life is… an interesting aspect, in that all the Life players we meet in homestuck are members of the Peixes family. So all Life players are very confident in themselves, at least by the time we meet them at first. And also Life as an aspect tends to push people towards leadership positions? Like, Meenah didn’t particularly want to be an important princess and ran away over that. Feferi wants to take over Alternia and make the world a better place. And Jane is also a princess kinda. Idk Jane gives me a headache in terms of what exactly she’s considered an heir of. Too many timeline intersections to decide whether her being the heir to the crocker brand (or. whatever?) has any impact on how much power she actually holds. I’m so confused about that.

Anyways. Life players like to be in charge. They know their plans and listen to their teammates. A good Life player is someone to look up to and trust with ideas and plans, and a formidable enemy should you be the opponent instead of an ally. They might not be as heartfelt as Heart players or as creative as Space players, but a Life player on your side is pretty much always a good thing? Unless they’re a thief or a destroyer class, in which case. Maybe not so much.

Life players are usually very headstrong about stuff; they know a lot about the way the universe works, not in the way space and time players do, but simply in the way where they understand how some things can have some outcomes and sometimes refuse to hear otherwise, especially if it doesn’t fit with what they already decided upon.

So, with all that (very little rambling) in mind, what would a Page of Life be like?

There’s a lot to consider in this combination, which makes it feel very volatile. I think this is a classpect where lunar sway has a lot more importance than, say, a Sylph’s or a Heart player’s situation.

A Page of Life is someone who is both very confident in their choices, while also constantly doubting their positions as leaders. But it’s not like they can just choose to relegate, because nobody else would volunteer to pick up the role otherwise. In a session where someone else has more charm or energy for leadership, the Page might simply sit tight and watch the other leader learn nothing from their mistakes, but nobody would want them as the leader, not even them. They might grow in that quiet corner enough to stand up and say enough is enough and take charge anyways, but you can never be certain.

A Page of Life can also go the exact opposite direction, and be a person who really wants to lead but has no idea how. In which case they can simply lean away every time they make a mistake. This Page would need to learn that some times you fuck up, and that’s ok, but you should learn from it and admit you’re not perfect before your team gets sick of your blaming everyone else’s plans. Listen to the other members of your group, let them voice ideas, and don’t be hasty when pointing fingers.

Either way, a Page of Life needs to learn to learn from their mistakes. That’s how people grow, even if facing your fuck ups is usually the most mortifying thing to do. The Page won’t let go of their leadership position once they have it, even if they don’t like being a leader, because nobody else would step up, or at least nobody they would trust with these people.

I think a Prospit dreaming Page of Life would be too headstrong and would need to learn to listen to others on their team, learn to let go and also understand that pointing fingers won’t help anyone. They need to learn to be proud of their position on the team, even if they make mistakes, because then the others will see you as dependable and confident, which you absolutely can be.

Alternatively, a Derse dreaming Page would lean too far into “what-if”s, would focus on all that they haven’t done rather than what they did, and there would be their downfall. Focus on the future, learn from the past, and do your best to remember that the present is still the future’s past and you can always learn more, about your team and your goal and yourself.

A grown Page of Life can be a really good leader, someone who the group trusts and depends on and comes to with ideas and problems because they know you can solve it. Don’t let the past’s mistakes take your future away from you.

Anyways, sorry for the long wait (and also sorry to everyone else sending asks and getting ignored, I promise I’m working on it. Just. Very slowly) and also sorry this is not at all edited whatsoever, I don’t have energy to make sure I don’t repeat myself too often. Just. I hope this is coherent enough for you to learn something? Maybe? Or just to have fun, if that’s what you’re looking for…

[mysticbewitched]

Hello, I have been trying to manifest a lottery win for several years due to my complicated financial situation ( I am chronically ill and unable to work and live with my emotionally abusive family whom I want to escape) I have tried tons of different methods over the years and played the lottery more times than I can count, and many of those times I thought I had it in the bag. I genuinely believed I was going to win. Until the moment came when I had to look at the numbers and see if they did in fact match. And, they never did. and every time my mind would go "See. You did it wrong again. You let your negative thoughts win, in those last few seconds before you looked at the numbers, your negative thoughts collapsed the waves of possibility into a reality where you lost. You were so afraid that they wouldn't match (while telling yourself they would) that you screwed it up and they didn't."

I know that I have very little confidence in myself. I have always had the mentality (that I can't seem to fix no matter how hard I try) that I am always doing things incorrectly. Even if it's something that you can't really do wrong I still feel that way. And I know this about myself. I know that I have this stupid mentality of "I believe manifestation is real 200%. Hell I even study quantum physics for fun. And of course I believe it can and does work for anyone! But me. because I lack faith in myself." No matter how hard I try to believe in myself and my own ability, let alone my ability to manifest, that feeling always creeps into my mind and sabatoges any progress I manage to make. I have always had this problem for as long as I can remember, as an example even if I follow a recipie perfectly step by step I still manage to screw it up because that voice in the back of my head has me convinced that I am doing something wrong.

But last week I felt like I had a breakthrough due to saturating my mind with lots of new concepts about ignoring the 3D and having it in the 4D. I was so confident I looked up the location of the lottery claims office and felt that I would be going there within the week. I genuinely felt like I KNEW I was going to win. SO much so that I told someone (in secret) I had won the lottery a day before the drawing. and it actually made me feel EVEN MORE confident that it was true. I felt like because I already had it in my mind my 3D had no choice to conform. No matter what. I was so confident that I had won I didn't even bother looking at the numbers. I knew they matched.

And then yesterday when we drove past the gas station I accidentally saw that the jackpot had gone up from the amount it was when I played last week, which means nobody won the jackpot. And it completely screwed me. I still haven't looked at my ticket and compared the numbers because I know when I look at the numbers it collapses all of the waves of possibility into one reality and makes it solid. And I'm terrified it will just be the same outcome as it has been hundreds of times. They won't match. And I'm terrified that it will obliterate ANY confidence or progress I have made AGAIN with that same voice going "SEE. You thought you had it again you idiot. You thought you had it all figured out. But this is proof you never will no matter how hard you try to convince yourself of your ability. YOU just can't do it."

I have been trying for years. I have read so many books, watched so many videos, taken courses, but it all still boils down to the fact that I don't believe in myself. And even when I try to affirm that I DO believe in myself I don't believe it.

I have been afraid to admit it to myself, but as I am sitting here writing this I realize I feel like I failed again. I even tried persisting in the assumption, saying the 3D didn't matter and I still had it regardless of what I saw but I don't know if that's even the right thing to do at this point because some part of me has already accepted I failed again. I have never asked for help before because I have never had anyone TO ask, but since I just recently got into Tumblr L.O.A. stuff I am giving it a try. I realize this is a lot of information and I don't expect you to have all the answers. But I thought I would give it a try. Thank you in advance for your time.

Hello, beautiful.

You came to the right person and I want to say that I know exactly how you're feeling.

You are most definitely right about the fact that you are seriously struggling on your manifestation journey because you lack faith in yourself and your own abilities to manifest which is incredibly crucial in all of this.

Without a foundation of confidence in yourself and your own manifesting power, you end up feeling trapped in a vicious cycle of struggle and frustration.

Conscious manifestation is entirely about the state of your mindset: having faith in yourself and your own abilities as a manifestor and the ultimate master of your reality.

You are in complete and absolute control of your entire reality and all you need is faith in yourself.

It's very important for you to be completely honest with yourself and admit to yourself what the underlying problem is in order for you to fix the issue at the source which is your *mindset*.

Change your mindset and you will change everything for you.

You can manifest absolutely anything you desire and in order for you to easily achieve success with conscious manifestation is by transforming your mindset, so you can finally accept your own power.

I truly believe this post right here will absolutely help you and give you the answers you're searching for.

You are so incredibly powerful, and you were born to reign as the operant power of your own reality.

You only need to step into your power and realize this truth.

All it takes is a simple change in your perception.

I wish you the very best and even though you're struggling with having faith in yourself, I want you to know that I have faith in you.

Step into your very own power and simply transform yourself into the confident manifestor you are meant to be.

[bonerot19]

okay so first of all I haven’t read the newest chapter of sigh no more but I wanted to say that the way you interwove the poetry and jason’s rescue was incredible. I now want to read more of these works because genuinely. So haunting.

and then the next chapter :(( it’s so difficult to try and heal someone who can’t really let themselves heal. it’s such a messed up state where there’s not really a clear path to take and the hurt still remains. it’s like everyone is at fault but nobody is to blame if that even makes sense 😢

and then last, I was wondering abt your feelings on reverse robins? Usually I don’t really care about it but ik you’re a steph jason enthusiast (as you should and so am I tbh) and an au where Steph is Red Hood and Jason is Spoiler is so chef’s kiss to me. Like not only does that fit with them, they have the similar kind of righteous anger and desperate love and want to save and change the world because of how it failed them but also they would be bffs too.. my little guys <33

🥹🥹🥹🥹

I'm sooo glad you like it. I wrote that chapter one night when I couldn't sleep and felt like I was losing my mind and thought it would be a good time to write Jason feeling like he was losing his mind. also the Hollow Men by TS Eliot is a masterpiece

it's hard to let people help you when all they’ve ever done is let you down

as for reverse robins - its not usually my thing (it usually involves Tim as Red Hood and I respect that the concept might work sometimes but generally I don't like it. like, the whole reasoning behind Red Hood doesn't work with Tim imo) BUT I do think it could possibly work with Steph

my issue is, i don't like giving the attributes of the robins to each other and giving them each others back stories? like, the reason Steph is Spoiler is directly bc her dad is cluemaster. the reason Jason is the Red Hood is specifically bc of how he grew up, being taken in Bruce, and then dying like he did, waking up in his grave, the league, etc

if Steph was red hood instead, it would, in my mind, involve taking her and putting her in Jason's story and assuming she would make the same decisions

I know I'm thinking about it too hard and I genuinely don't want to bash reverse robins fics cause I think really interesting things can be done with them

I'd be more interested in something about Steph where she died as BG at the hands of Black Mask and then woke up, dug her way out, was found by the league, trained, escaped, came back

I could see her coming back as something Hood-esque and wanting to punish Bruce for firing her, for not saving her, for not realizing she was alive and saving her from the league

and then, if this was an age reversal au, maybe the Steph that comes back saves Jason, who is Robin. or even finds him trying to be his own vigilante, Spoiler-esque, and doesn't want this kid to die so she starts mentoring him (I do love a good Red Hood mentors Spoiler fic)

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

What are your thoughts on Alina being Shu in the show? If canon Alina was from Shu Han do you think it would've made any difference? The show kind of wasted this storyline but idk if I prefer Alina actually having a solid backstory or book Alina being this nobody from nowhere that's now a reverred saint. Also I've seen a lot of people from the book fandom hc darkling as shu looking.

I like her being specifically mixed race a lot! Especially with how it ties into her unmoored feeling where she isn’t sure there’s anywhere she truly belongs. I think it could bring really interesting context to her perspective.

When the show and casting were announced I suspected they chose to have her be half Shu because the books are uh pretty racist in that regard! It starts out in subtler ways with the only Asian characters being either the fucking karate teacher trope or Tolya and Tamar as both having essentially renounced their heritage and country completely in order to be counted “one of the good ones” but also the way they’re employed as the only genuinely faithful characters (devoted to the in-books white lead) in the main cast, while shdhff also being presented as untrustworthy when they sell them out to the Apparat?

But then the SoC duology gets sooo much worse with the parem being given a not!opium position as the scary dangerous Drug From The East and the hardcore dehumanized super soldiers from Shu Han whose name I forgot how to spell but omg it really felt like they only existed to be killed in really gruesome and mean spirited ways. Not to mention Wylan’s magic yellowface! That would be terrible on its own but then that’s how the book attempts to remotely deal with racism sjfhfgff by the character in yellowface experiencing micro agressions. It’s just. It’s bad!

I think someone must have said something to LB by KoS or she just realized the implications were decidedly not great because she tries to course correct really hard and shift most antagonistic focus to Fjerda instead. (Too little too late imo 🥲)

So I was assuming the half Shu Alina choice was in a similar vein? But yeah the show did absolutely nothing with it! What a missed opportunity! I was willing to give them the benefit of the doubt with season one where Alina being Shu was only used as an excuse to hurl made up slurs at her, thinking that it might be building to something? …But then it didn’t lol. And that retroactively made the slurs and focus on racism feel so pointless and mean spirited. It felt like an admittance that her being hit over the head constantly with racism wasn’t at all integral to the story and she could’ve been a mixed race protagonist all along without any of that!

But yeah all that being said, I like the concept of Alina being mixed. But I also wouldn’t trust Leigh Bardugo with it? Like everything I already mentioned in the books aside, I think she has a terrible habit of giving her POC characters very racialized suffering in their backstories. I strongly disliked how she handled race with both Inej and Zoya. Zoya was worse imo because she was initially clearly written to be white, but once we got a race retcon for her she suddenly has a never before hinted at poverty and child bride backstory when she’s primarily been associated with privilege before? Like the problem isn’t that she has a tragic backstory, but all the choices felt very racialized. I also just found it slimy how officially commissioned art etc had her visibly brown then the books make a point of saying multiple times that she just… looks white? Just leaves a bad taste in my mouth like she wants the representation brownie points without being willing to commit in canon. So idk as much as I’d love a POC protagonist, if Alina was half Shu in the books as well I wouldn’t trust LB to not give her a weird racial caricature tragic backstory. I do think we could still have the “no backstory just came out of nowhere” thing with her being mixed, I don’t think that has to be canceled out. Like it’s mentioned that Keramzin regularly takes in “war orphans” and border areas tend to be racially mixed. But yeah I just think LB would probably get weird with it. (She was admittedly better with race in Ninth House, but I suspect that also had to do with the real world contemporary setting)

Also the Darkling thing isn’t an HC it’s from a one off line in Demon in the Wood! It’s mentioned that he can, and has, passed as Shu. It’s ahdhf never mentioned again though and kind of wild tbh considering the very visibly white face casts she’s talked about for him in the past?? But that’s just word of god whereas the line in DitW is canon so 🤷‍♀️

[saraa-lancee]

If you don't mind, I think I've had a minor Epiphany about Gender and Names and I'm just gonna....

I've honestly really always hated my name. Not like in a visceral way but like. It just doesn't Feel Correct. It's Not Me in a way I can't explain.

I've felt this way since literally forever. As a kid, my brain rationalized it in a few ways.

It's a very popular name-- i was one of many. It was *the* popular name in my cohort until I got to high school. I don't know if that area was just booming with Raechels (and all 100 ways to spell it) or what. I feel like most little kids probably wouldn't love being one of like 10. It brings practical problems (are they talking to me? About me? Am I supposed to respond) but also like. Why does everyone (except for Ben and Ben) else get their own name, I guess. I don't know, I was in elementary school. But i always said I hated my name because it was so popular.

Then, I just hated it because of the way its spelled. I used to get teased about it. I don't think it was outright bullying because it wasn't ever genuinely mean but it still hurts when it happens a lot, y'know. It's technically spelled phonetically but everyone else spells it at least five different ways but mine was the Weird Way that nobody had ever seen. They'd seen Rachel and Racheal and Rachell and Raychel and whatever. But whenever other kids saw my name, they would make fun of how it's spelled. They'd intentionally say it wrong even though they knew I got upset (hell, some people still do that). They would say it wrong and say it wrong and it upset me and tease me for my "name being spelled wrong". (Like, It's not actual bullying but to this day when just about every one asks "is it pronounced Rachel or Rachelle" I flinch and i hate it. It's a professional setting and I was never even *actually* bullied but I still hate it).

Like, it's easy to say well obviously I don't like my name because it's common or it's irritating that everyone misspells or mispronounces my name (I'm side-eyeing you, DMV guy who took four tries to get it right). But at the end of the day, you don't actually really hate your name in those situations-- you hate your name being wrong. The name itself is fine. But for me, I realized recently that the problem wasn't just the irritation-- it was the name itself.

Like, when I think of myself, I've never ever thought my name matched, y'know? It's so hard to explain l but I'm hoping somebody might get it. Like, the name has always felt wrong on my tongue, on my lips. Ever since I was a child I just remember this feeling of "I'm not Raechel".

I went through a brief period recently of "i don't hate it, I just need to reframe it! I share a name with Rachel Carson, someone who was very important in Eagle conservation (something that is important to me)." But then I just really came to the realization that... I don't. I don't because *im not a Raechel*. (Any way you spell it)

I used to collect names (in a non-writer way) as a kid. Names I liked-- names I liked the sound of. Based on nothing, really. Susan. Margo. Carmen. Just characters in books or whatever. And I used to almost... try them on for myself. Whisper them and repeat them in my head and Think of them. But they weren't Right. And it felt a bit frustrating because My Name was Wrong and I couldn't find one that I thought felt better-- like shoe shopping but all they have is half sizes in the wrong direction. So I grew up, went to high school, and it was Whatever. Fuck it.

But now... I think I've always just been Like This and My Name just Didn't Match.

So I collected and tried on Girls Names because I was a Girl (just a bizzare Girl) and maybe I didn't like my name but I'd find one, as you do. As an autistic person, I think it just literally didn't occur to me at the time to consider "boy names" (black and white thinking and all). The concept of "other" or breaking a Labeled Box just didn't occur to me.

But a few months ago (maybe), something just snapped and the name Soren popped into my head. And I haven't been able to ignore it since. There's just... something about it.

At the end of the day, the name Soren has a lot of personal meaning to me, right from childhood. Maybe I'll decide it doesn't fit after all, who knows 🤷 Maybe it doesn't represent All of Me, but it definitely represents a Part of Me. (I don't think that makes any sense either but I digress).

So yeah, I've disliked my name because It's Not Me but I don't hate it because it Represents me. For now, I think I like Soren. I don't know, and I might decide later. I've never even had the courage to do the Starbucks thing (I am working woth social anxiety here) I don't know how I'm going to do this going forward (irl, etc) but for now, I Am Soren in some weird way I was never Raechel.