#nobody messes with my family
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Polaris, the Northern Star, Queen of the Celestials
Since she won my OC poll, here's the face reveal of Polaris! (I should have figured she would win, lol. I've been meaning to draw her anyway.) Er, face reveal in the sense that celestials can change form, but you know what I mean.
Finally, the infamous mother of Loke and (former) Celestial Queen from HTRYDS gets an image to her name. I had a lot of fun designing her and it was nice to finally go all the way. And to throw in those easter eggs and tiny clues :)
#htryds#fairy tail#polaris#oc#my ocs#loke's mom ahoy#well she raised him anyway but it counts#I've had too much fun with this family#I can't blabber too much because spoilers but dang they are a mess and I enjoy myself#less so polaris she's very sweet#that is why she is most certainly dead#rip loke's mom#anyway a few little design elements I am positive nobody will noticed but#some are more obvious I think?#anyways 10 points to whoever can recognize the sword :)#i'm confident that one is guessable#I now have the urge to doodle polaris trapping loke in a hug with the power of ARMS#fun fact I almost gave her six but cut it to four because compass rose#and because six arms was hard to draw :(
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rtc production near me save me… save me rtc production near me
#searching rtc florida every other day hoping something new shows up#the most i've found is 5 & dime's production next year 😔#and that's in jacksonville and nobody in my family likes jacksonville so i can cross that one off my list#they did just release the cast list for it though so i'll keep my eye on it#i should've gotten into this musical last year this is so messed up#🎠#i have no mouth and i must complain
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The Rescue - Chp 53 - Still Dealing With The Sting
Good morning my lovelies and lurkers <3
The newest chapter of The Rescue is now live! Christmas and the Holiday season being what it is, I haven't had a ton of time (though, mostly energy has been the problem) to write, but I should still have something to go up in two weeks for you all :)
I hope you all have a lovely day and wonderful weekend! If I can get my ass up on time I'm thinking I'll catch The Boy and The Heron today as a step in helping me wind down a little. Honestly really excited to see it.
Enjoy the reading! Thank you all, as always, so much for the comments and kudos and shares <3 I apologize I haven't been able to respond to all the comments like I want to. My brain is deep in scrambled-egg territory.
Love you all, take care of yourselves and each other as best as you can!
~ Belle
#g/t#giant/tiny#giant tiny#g/t author#g/t writing#gtauthor#gt#gentle giantess#The Rescue#Henry/Melanie#Everybody's Tired and Nobody Is Happy: Hooray!#Three people making bad decisions for maybe??? good reasons???#We bless this mess#Sorry for if my editing isn't top notch#Soup for brain will get in the way of wordsing right goodlike#it's unfortunate but such is life at this time of the year#One more week though and then I just get to be a zombie through the family stuff and then HIDE FROM PEOPLE until 2024#I don't go back to work until Jan 3rd once I finish up with family day on the 22nd#That'll be nice#and roomie is gonna be gone for at least a few days so I'll have just enough time with the house to myself to be devastated when he returns#c'est la vie
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I’ll never understand younger siblings whining about their older siblings moving away like I bet yall were nasty and annoying too like wow all those years and you claim to adore the older sibling and post oh woe is me the older sibling abandoned me … girl … the older sibling didn’t have a parental certificate or anything.
#since when were we friends nor did I have any obligation over you or towards you#we are literally roommates here acting like we’re friends#dora daily#I say this cause I saw yet another younger sibling on tiktok trying to make themselves a victim like the older one is clearly avoiding the#whole family and changing their phone number so u guys don’t contact for a reason like wth did you guys do that’s so bad they would go#through all that trouble#‘older siblings will never understand how doing that affects us physically and mentally’ oh quit whining and cope#I didn’t have an older sibling I relied on only myself heck not even strangers help me when I’m in dire need#I think yall need to cope harder and wake up to the real world#not all younger siblings but a lot of them like my little brother 13yo is good id never want to abandon him but the rest … yeah bye#idgaf you should’ve not been an idiot because believe me ik kids mess up but not like this#and now she’s grovelling at my feet bye grovel harder#like just an hour ago or so she came up to me and was like I’m going to school for the first day are you gonna miss me#I said no because she always tells me no when I ask her if she missed me#and somehow she had the audacity to be upset like okay#the same girl who tells me to move out btw#my mum said oh u have to be her best friend cause if she has nobody here then she will have to rely on strangers#and she would find herself in trouble cause they don’t have good intent oh gee I wonder which person caused me to do that#it’s honestly ironic#like Eris and virtue happened because she couldn’t step up and be a normal mother byeeee#and anyways whyre you acting like having a sibling is essential#it honestly isn’t like why would I be nice to a girl who dogs on me and beats me up and is disrespectful#she’s not that young anymore she’s almost 12#‘oh they have different personalities’ well i hate hers and im not to be forced to like it either its my right
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Not sneeze just mental health rambling in the tags
#I’ve spent a very long time trying to change my brain so I can just operate at a neurotypical level#it’s always been impossible and I feel like shit for it#so recently I finally just said#I am not neurotypical and never will be no matter what I do!#so I need to be kind to myself and make the accommodations I need for myself!#which is a work in progress but idk. it’s kind of painful that the neurotypical people in my life act like I’m asking for an arm and a leg#when I’m very genuinely asking if slight changes could be made between us#I absolutely don’t expect anyone to change their lifestyle for me or anything#it’s stuff like not holding long conversations when I’m in the middle of writing because it messes up my flow#and I tell my family beforehand! hey I’m gonna write for a couple of hours does anyone need anything from me before#and they say no! but then ten minutes later will start telling me a story about their day#which I’m okay to hear BEFORE I start a writing session or AFTER#and I goddamn communicate that!!! but they act like I’m asking for nobody to ever speak to me again#another thing is that I CANNOT eat anything past an expiration date#I know it’s still probably good but my brain will just keep saying YOURE GONNA DIE OF FOOD POISONING#so say the half gallon of milk is past its date#I will buy a fresh one to start using myself but I don’t toss the old one because I know others don’t care as much#and they they complain that I’m wasting milk#like I’m sorry it’s 1) my money and 2) how is it being wasted when y’all are happy to drink it til it’s done?#idk man!! neurotypical people sure do say that shit should be easy for neurodivergent people#but they sure do struggle to be slightly accommodating without bitching#idk rant over peace out
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young nesta who was groomed to use her beauty as a weapon vs nesta now who has never felt more ugly and undesirable in her life since she has failed the one thing she was raised to do
#ask to tag //#i have a post somewhere around here somewhat about this#this plus the very long winded meta in my head re: her body dysmorphia and ED#it's all coming together..................somewhere. in the trenches that hold the braincell i sometimes use#i think she has a touch of OCD and the thing about nesta's mindset re: her body/eating habits#is that it's. always present for her#there is never a time when she isn't thinking about her appearance. how she presents herself to people#she cannot be in front of a mirror long or she will spiral about everything wrong with how she looks#the way she carefully constructs herself every single morning for the day is like preparing for battle#because that's exactly what it is for her#and everything has a number. everything has significance#any sort of comment even just an aside even harmless regarding her clothes or how she looks will ruin the rest of her day#RUIN it. she's checked out after that#she picks herself apart every second of every day and most of it's rooted in her looks#her mother beat vanity into her from a very young age#because that's all she has as the eldest sister who needs to get married to ensure her sisters' her family's futures#and it makes me rage because she is seen as either cold or explosive#but nobody wants to point out that she's most often despondent. dissociative. avoidant. in pain.#anyway i need to settle down i am back in the building#this place is a mess i'm cleaning i'm cleaning
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Surely being this sad is enough, why does it have to come with other Symptoms
#i got maybe 5 hours of sleep last night despite going to bed at a reasonable hour and now i'm so tired i feel like i'm hallucinating#in part because i ended up clinging to scribe and sobbing about the various terrifying/gory intrusive thoughts i was having#bad and messed up!! what the hell!#also makes it hard to figure out what to like. do about any of this#clearly there is something going on here that needs management but is not just major depressive disorder#i know there's some ocd tendencies in my family but nobody with a full-blown diagnosis and i don't think i meet it either#so like is it my anxiety? something else entirely??#i don't know but i would sure like for it to stop!
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The depression is really really really bad so I'm sorry if I super ghost y'all
I'm just having a hard time wanting to do anything but rot in bed
#all I wanna do is lay down n sleep :(#5 days until Christmas and my sister still hasn't talked to me :)🔫#I fucking hate the holidays I'm such a fucking grinchy Scrooge now#Christmas used to be my favorite now it's just a reminder of the family I don't have#I wanna die so badly I keep crying out but nobody's listening#my dad is completely incapable of comforting me emotionally#when someone you depended on most of your life changes....it's the definition of shell shocked#now I'm alone with no one to take care of me I need someone to take care of me#I'm just a stupid lil kid stuck in a growing body and nobody cares about me anymore cus I'm a stupid adult#I wish I wasn't so afraid of death and hell so I could just kill myself#I am convinced that I was supposed to die in highschool cus that's when people would've cared#if I kill my self now it's just a mess and a burden to my family#...I just sent an email to my mother who I haven't talked to since I cut her off#I might get arrested for what I said but if the cops come I'll just spook them so they shoot me#dammit I guess she doesn't have that email anymore i really wanted to lay into her
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confession: i have a hatchetfield pairing so obscure that ao3 is literally like “yeah we don’t have any fics.” one of them has multiple fics for a more popular ship BUT NOT THIS ONE
#its fine tho my friend and i write hatchetfield privately and WE ship this#in the loosest sense bc they are so fucking messing theyre like#that family guy bit where danny devito is like ‘”look it’s either me or nobody!’#♡ㅤooc.ㅤmcdoon vc: hyuh hyuh hyuh.#*messy
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i'd also like 1, 3, and 16 from the oc interview questions for iryna please!! 💖💖
EEEK AJ HI HI DEAR 🥀✨😖 ty ty so much i adore u and i hope ur doing well!
OC INTERVIEW QUESTIONS
1. who makes up your family? how close are you to them?
"who are you FEDRA? what's it to you?......" she leans forward scowling at the interviewer before shrugging. "nah i'm just fucking with you i don't care. shit it's been a while which may be.... telling on the latter part... well, there was me of course OBVIOUSLY, my parents i think are still back in the new york QZ, and then there's persey. christ i hope that little idiot is still alive. bean pole buffoon.... no really, he's like... 6'4-6'5. ondria didn't bust her ass for the giggles bringing our sorry hind ends to seattle..... swear to god. ondria knew and DOES know before the outbreak how bad i was with reaching out. better with persey than mother and daddy dearest im afraid." she sighs.
3. what is your favorite childhood memory?
the interviewer motions iryna to continue on, swearing it was pulling teeth alone to get her to come here, they're just questions not the infected. "curse my leo moon little attention reveling snake......" she really does love to talk about herself though even if she tries to hide it, "well i would have to say when i told persey that obi wan kenobi ate all of the salt and vinegar chips when it had been me all along and he didn't trust his obi wan action figure from age five to age ten..... loved messing with him good times, BUT. so before the outbreak of the killer mushrooms right, my cousins had this estate (the litvinchucks were RICH, rich) in like switzerland before they moved to dc cause their dad was this big deal nobel prize winning doctor okay, they flew us out for a christmas one year and like, their home was OLD. so i think? i was eleven? and sasha and i did like a seance or something and talked to the ghosts in the house. it was fucking fantastic. pity he's a serial killer now with a cult following but yea, that was a favorite."
16. describe your perfect day.
"am i getting paid for this? im getting paid right. if olga fixes the world and finds a cure for the killer mushrooms i need money for rent..... kidding im having fun i promise but also, i do like money." the interviewer sighs and hands her the check, "fucking sick." she pockets it, "i would have said for the longest time some damn peace and quiet right. nobody bothering me, and its me and my vasil my cat and some oil paints and like..... idk deftones or slipknot playing because music helps drown out the city noise and lets me paint. but the world ended and lately uh....... and this was a fucking shocker for me. like... i showed up to find my next hidey hole here and then i met raul so like...... i guess that but also we're doing that together and theres no city noise and so maybe the music isnt as loud because ive learned that wave sounds are fucking soothing so...... GROSS THAT SOUNDS ROMANTIC but you know what i dont care. so i blame him for that but yea, thats the ideal day i guess."
#oc: iryna pasternak#🌸: aj#jendoe#leg.txt#leg.asks#AHH I APOLOGIZE FOR THE DELAY BUT YOU DEAR YOU THIS WAS SO CUTE TO DO TY TY FOR THE ASK YOURE A TREASURE#eleven year olds contacting the unliving asjkdsc WHEEZE but also iconic of baby iryna#she likes to THINK shes a meanie but she does love to talk about herself and gets all soft and preshy talking about raul CRYINGG <3#persey my hot mess honey bunch REACH OUT TO UR SISTER she does care about u <3 AND LIKEWISE REACH OUT TO UR FAMILY IRY!#she was like 'oh nobody bothering me just me and my feline son and music' and now shes like that but with raul <3 GROWTH <#* <3#ty again to the dearie ash for THIS STUNNING BANNER TEMPLATE oh my god it’s the loveliest 🥀😭#theres probably someone out there with a bank and money and she’ll likely send someone out to cash it skzjxjjx the world ended but iryna doe#appreciate money hehehe 🖤🖤 shes so right for that so true bestie!
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Y'all I just heard some weird shit outside and I'm scared shitless
#I heard outside my window what sounded like footsteps and a seemingly distressed feminine voice saying “run run Run Run RUN”#And the sound of a car moving slowly and honking down the street#I got up to check if my doors were locked and tried to tell my family because I wasn't sure what else to do but nobodys awake#There's always weird noises and yelling 24/7 in my neighborhood but this has got to be the most concerning#Then again it could be just some people messing around or playing a game since that's what the other more concerning noises ended up being
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a cpap machine
My deepest darkest fantasy is that I collapse on the street and I am rushed to the hospital. They perform a bunch of tests and find out I am severely deficient in some kind of vitamin. Then I start taking the vitamin and I become the happiest cleverest person alive because all my problems were caused by this one deficiency
#seriously#sleep apnea can mess up a lot of things#it's not just a fat person condition btw#my entire family has it and NOBODY wants to get tested because i have it and i'm fat#even though everyone clearly does#including me but i'm fat so nobody else wants to be associated with it
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sigh
#TMI warning#tags are a whole mess :/#I don't want to go on this trip anymore. the dynamics are whack out of order#and if I say anything about it it's me /not coping well/ and /being selfish/. bc we can't risk upsetting him. I know he has it hard too.#I'm not discounting that this trip will be awful in a different way for him. But at the end of the day he gets to go home and forget#forget how much idk. that's up to him ig#and we get to return to this hellhole. we had no internet today: none. god knows why. no power for 4 hours#no quality assurance: the toothpaste is rotting our teeth#no public pest control: I've got bites that we can't identify from falling into an unmarked half-finished road repair#and the fever i got from them just went away. after a week. and nobody could do anything bc antipyretics are in short supply#I don't want to play nice anymore :) bc he doesn't understand and making him understand would be mortifying#showing him how desperate his former partner's family really is. we'll need to borrow his credit card to do essential shopping#while on our so-called fun and games trip#bc we can't take much money out of the country and they don't accept IR cards there. so.#we'll be buying fucking toothpaste and underwear using his card and /paying him back/ using my aunt's money#which he holds#it's all so fucking sordid and degrading#soul-crushing#vent#.txt#idk if I should be posting this#esp to main... maybe we'll shunt it to the vent blog#esp esp bc I'm hurting and it's 3AM and I'll regret it in the morning probably#but what I wouldn't give for one person to understand it all and not turn away from me in embarrassment#what I wouldn't give to feel able to crawl out of this mess. worthy of crawling out of it. even if it was make-believe for a moment.#really bad post J. really really bad. I still want to post it.
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Do I have to start saying not that anyone would care in that super duper passive aggressive way to guilt people into caring or what
#dora daily#I’m so tired#the one thing I’ve consistently wanted since I was a kid was to be cared about and seen 😜#yet I can’t even seem to get that ☠️ I honest to god am so tired like every day is another futile attempt to try to engineer what I say#specifically for the purpose of me hoping someone ANYONE would care#how I used to be sick when I was younger because I saw that the kids who would get sick or would get sad would get sm care and love but#I was stupid because I didn’t account for the fact that when I was sick I had to just suck it up or when I was sad I need to stop being such#a crybaby and get over it#what if I say I’ve had enough of just being shamelessly used by others for me to comfort them through their problems#but I always have everything thrown back at my face because somehow when it’s my turn my problems are uncomfortable or awkward#I don’t have energy for a single thing yet I force myself to talk to at least one person and trying to fix my relationship with just#literally talking it shouldn’t be that hard but I feel so worthless that even speech is impossible and makes me feel like I will literally#die. it’s been working kinda but now I just can’t help but feel so sick to my stomach about all this my head hurts really bad and I’m trying#not to cry and trying my hardest to make peace with the fact that in truth nobody will ever like me enough to care at all ever#not my mum not my dad or my siblings and certainly not my friends either#I’m so tired of always begging and pleading for someone to just notice I’m here too#or maybe it’s specific people#it’s so cruel to say all those overly nice things to me and not act on them#why else was I so psychotic about that girl ? obviously because she would shower me with the nicest things I’ve ever heard#but she says that to everyone she’s not consistent with me and we aren’t really friends#ik it wasn’t her intention but it doesn’t change the fact I have wanted to and I’m not even over exaggerating but actually off myself#because this is just proof I’m around to serve people’s dirty work and clean messes when I can’t even stand on my two feet anyways#isn’t it so stupid I’m just talking to myself here and most likely nobody will ever see it meaning this was just useless yet again#and the fact i can’t be free ever nor can i do anything about this to permanently end things because i am a coward and because the worst#part is that even after death I shall be tormented anyways#and let’s say I somehow survive an attempt I will literally be scarred for life and then I’d rlly want to be dead#it’s the way not even death can be a solace for this because there would only be more torture#I can’t leave this religion because leaving won’t change the truth but I’m so tired and worn thin of every single responsibility in my life#even tho I don’t have much the few I do have feel excruciating#life is too much and death is worse so why couldn’t my mum who’s strong willed said no to my dads family and not gotten married period 🧍♀️
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three days ago when i was in isolation i had to beg my brother to make me dinner and it wasn’t ready until 9:30 (because he was playing elden ring). yesterday my mom didn’t finish dinner until 10 (because she was playing elden ring). today my mom said she was making dinner and at 7:30 i considered making my own food but opted out of it because well my mom is making dinner… dinner wasn’t ready until 9 there wasn’t much of it and it was barely palatable. i’m actually going mad and insane in this house!!!
#and yeah i’d make my own fucking dinner if my mom and brother#didn’t let the dishes pile up for four days straight while i was isolating#and i finally did some dishes yesterday as soon as i could and they all got used up🫶🫶🫶#i love being malnourished and finally fucking breaking and cleaning the entire kitchen#and then nobody picks up the slack🫶🫶🫶🫶#and somehow i’m supposed to work my job do my lit review attend classes cook three meals a day#clean up my family’s messes visit my father see my friends#and they get to go to work and that automatically means they are obligated to do no work whatsoever#someoje fucking release me from this nightmare#the mess is causing me so much stress i hate being here so much sometimes
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𝘵𝘢𝘨 𝘥𝘶𝘮𝘱 !!
#╰ * 𝖕𝖆𝖉𝖒𝖊 : visage ⸻ she was brave and strong and broken all at once#╰ * 𝖕𝖆𝖉𝖒𝖊 : aesthetic ⸻ and the stars whispered ‘come home’#╰ * 𝖕𝖆𝖉𝖒𝖊 : quotes ⸻ her aura is made of poetry roses and galaxies#╰ * 𝖕𝖆𝖉𝖒𝖊 : interactions ⸻ i would drink the sky and inhale stars if i could.#╰ * 𝖕𝖆𝖉𝖒𝖊 : anakin ⸻ i saw galaxies in your eyes ; your love put stars in my evening skies.#╰ * 𝖕𝖆𝖉𝖒𝖊 : sabe ⸻ and I love my sister lord knows how i’ve missed her#╰ * 𝖕𝖆𝖉𝖒𝖊 : obiwan ⸻ we were naming the stars after people we knew#╰ * 𝖕𝖆𝖉𝖒𝖊 : ahsoka ⸻ nobody messes with the family
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