#nobody look at or acknowledge this. but also do. i dont wanna talk about it

[angel-ofthestars]

ok stupid angst time cuz its 2:30 in the morning and i feel like shit

so. like technically two days ago i passed out at the sight of my own blood, took a header into the corner of a marble table, and couldn’t move my hands or face properly for ten or twenty minutes.

i didn’t go to the hospital. i feel like that was probably a hospital worthy event. maybe i’m stupid. but since then i have felt like shittttt and i’m kinda worried. my hands feel weirdly sluggish, my mouth hurts, my head has been hurting constantly. i just don’t know how to tell my parents, because it feels stupid.

i just. yeah. whatever. everything hurts and i’m worried, considering according to my mom i hit my TEMPLE on the CORNER OF A TABLE (there’s a huge ass bump there and everything) and my dad just kind of. casually offered the idea that maybe i sprained my wrist. and then didn’t say anything else. i was dissociating so hard (and still am) that i’m still debating if it was even real.

of course it’s real. i have an entire fucking bump on my head. there’s a scab on my hand. i just. i hate it here. i’m scared.

what everrrrrr man. stares off out my window or something

[angelicyouth]

bro i just realized that most of my happinest comes from imagining myself in fictional scenarios with fictional characters because in the real world i dont really have anyone i feel i can truly trust, so really at this point one of my only sources of happiness is just being somewhat delusional thinking fictional people care about me when in reality i dont know if anyone will truly even care about me in that extent, i dont even think i could even love myself the way i want people to love me because i just see myself as a generally displeasing person to be around because im too much too bear or too confusing or too angry and people dont wanna put up with me and ive just been realizng that for the past months and it makes me wish i was someone else who could be better than whoever i am, i dont even know at this point who i really am and i wish i was better and funnier and not someone who is the embodiment of a dissapointment.i cant even bring myself to talk about my problems to people irl no matter how much id like to because im too scared to be a burden or just seem overexaggrerating so its eating me from the inside and i cant bring myself to be someone i want to be, all i do is just stay in my room all day because i dont have the energy to do anything anymore. thing that i used to like dont seem the same anymore and i just wanna be held by someone and to be told that its okay to not be okay but if someone actually did it would feel like just a big lie because i dont have that much of an excuse to not be okay so really im putting down other people's problems and looking for attention and i feel so guilty for even feeling this way but at the same time i dont wanna let go of these feelings because it feels like if i have them people will actually care about me and ill have someone by my side and if i dont feel sad then nobody would have any reason to pity me and nobody would really wanna hangout with me anymore and it feels so comflicting and it makes me wanna shut myself away from everyone and continue to pretend everything is okay even if nothing feels okay. i wish i was someone else, maybe then nothing like this would happen.

that one relatable moment where you have nobody 2 vent 2 so you vent as an anon 2 a random blog ran by the literal nicest person ever

-mango anon

mango bby :(

first of all—i’m proud of you for being honest with your feelings! i’m sure it took a lot of courage to come forward and to talk about this with someone else so please give yourself some self care in my place for taking that monumental step!

i know that it may not mean much if i say this because of how overused this line is but truly, don’t ever feel bad about what you’re feeling. always remember that the need for attention is normal and common to all humans. it’s not only limited to that but the need for comfort is also normal and common, the need for physical touch is normal, the need for validation, for acknowledgment, for a positive reaction to yourself, a need to express yourself, to talk about yourself, to voice your pain, to feel valued and important—it’s all normal and a part of just being a human being.

so please, don’t beat yourself up over having those. if you’re struggling with some of them particularly, it doesn’t mean you’re “needy”. anyone who doesn’t get those things would go to deprivation mode and end up craving them severely, eventually. those needs should be met at default and as your friend, i always want to ensure that i can readily provide those for you! so don’t feel ashamed for voicing those thoughts to me because i appreciate that you trust me enough to tell me as i genuinely want to help you. i know i may seem like a random blog run by someone you don’t know from the internet but that doesn’t mean my friendship for you is less valid. so please, if you ever need to talk to someone or just need me to listen then always remember that i’m here for you. because how else would i know what to help you with if it’s not said?

and i know that you feel delusional for seeking comfort from fictional characters but that’s simply not true. because personally, through my own writing, what these people say or do are essentially extensions of the authors who use them in their literature. so whenever craig and kenny talk to reader in youth, they’re not just baseless things that are said just cause for the plot. they’re actual words with real meaning and intent to whoever is reading their dialogue. so with that in mind, what they both have said is their words of affirmation and reassurance to you:

feelings aren’t illogical. they aren’t wrong nor are they here for no reason. they aren’t a failure of self control, they aren’t a burden, and they are not an inconvenience. emotions are generated from actual things that happened, they are normal reactions to things that actually happened!! if you feel sad, anxious, hurt, overwhelmed, mad, frustrated—even if it seems illogical, there’s a very good reason you feel this way. you aren’t supposed to control how you feel, you aren’t supposed to doubt your emotions. they are always just a reaction, they do not come from you!! they’re not your failure, feeling all this is normal and logical under unbearable circumstances of anything that’s happened.

i hope you will be kinder to yourself babe, you deserve it :< it makes me so, so upset when you can’t see how amazing you are in my eyes and i bet everyone else’s just because of some mistakes you made along the way or any ill feelings you harbor for yourself. i really wish you didn’t beat yourself up so much over them, those mistakes or whatever negative things that have happened don’t define you.

and remember: you’re not stuck the way you are now. every day you have the potential to grow and to learn, and you do grow and learn, all the time! it may not feel like it because it’s so subtle, but you do. the universe won’t let you get stuck, there is so much more to discover and i’ll always be here with you along the way! it’s inevitable to make mistakes, it’s human nature and wouldn’t make sense to be perfect on the get-go. no one is like that. just remember, progress can’t be compared. progress is still progress and slow + steady will still win the race! as long as you’re not changing yourself to cater to someone else’s needs or society’s standards then i will always support your desire to strive for the best version of yourself!!♡

[pearlaqua-eevee]

TLOU EPISODE 1 "WHEN YOU'RE LOST IN THE DARKNESS" LIVEBLOG

IS THAT JOHNATHAN CARNAHAN 

“Viruses can make us ill but fungi can alter our very minds” OH MY GOD THERE ARE LAYERS TO THAT. THE WHOLE PREMISE OF THE STORY RIGHT THERE GENUIS FUCKING WRITING RIGHT OFF THE BAT 

#oh im gonna love this #this remains one of the best stories of the modern age BECAUSE of writing like this #yes yes yes

also the subtle commentary with the shots of the host’s bemused face and the people on set not paying attention, eating...the brilliant thing about this story is the subtle and not so subtle ways it comments on society and that...theres apathy and almost arrogance. Like “this guys ranting, this is crazy, will never happen” and then of course it does much like 2020

ooh. the deniers HATE this, dont they?

HAVING THE FUNGI GROWING AND LOOKING LIKE A CITY AND THEN LOOKING LIKE THE WEBS OF LIGHT SEEN FROM SPACE ON CONTINENTS AND THEN HAVING IT FORM THE SILOUTTES OF JOEL AND ELLIE  HOLY SHIT. NOBODY IS GONNA TOUCH THIS SHOW, ITS BRILLIANT

also the themeeee

I think they changed it slightly for the show, maybe a bit of percussion? But otherwise its EXACTLY like the game, I can hear Marlene narrating

(also I believe Merle is reprising her role as Marlene and FUCKING FLAWLESS ALREADY

im fangirling so hard because I know whats coming and I dont wanna think about it

SARAAAAAAAAHH  (Destiny’s Child, the Clash and Avril?? Girl has music TASTE) Her room feels so LIVED IN I love this

PEDRO HITTING THAT TEXAS DRAWL PERFECTLY, I AM YELLING

#Joel's accent is one of my fav things dont @ me #the fact that Troy Baker is FROM Tx so he played up his actual accent #idk much about Pedro but if that accent is put on its INCREDIBLE

AS a Texan and someone WITH a drawl, I LOVE it when you can tell actors did their work when it comes to the accent. (And here in Tx theres like 6 different regional accents and its the CORRECT one for the Dallas/Austin area!) like it’s the same I’d imagine for Brits or Australians when someone doesnt just default to Stereotypical British and actually does the right one. It just makes the character-details part of my brain SING. It just shows a lot of care for the character

nope. no. the emergency vehicles going by NOOOPE. CAN I EXIT OUT NOW. I REFUSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE

NOPE. Fuck THAT

the kept the Its Not Working fake out. fml

THE NOKIA DAD PHONE. JOEL PLS

oh my god that exchange Joel and Tommy have it sounds DEAD ON like the game. Except in the game the call was to Sarah but like this is PERFECT  

“Which jail, Travis County?”  “Yeah the one on 10″ idk I just love these lines when you can tell the people know what theyre talking about. Subtle little awesome thing as someone who lives close by   (And yeah, very Texan to ask which jail or which official building by the county and not the city, which is apparently how people in other states do it)

oh god. the lights and noises and IMAGINE what Sarah must be going through, Joel isnt there...even if you dont know whats coming thats gonna be really upsetting. 

This is actually worse and more ominous than in the game

holy fuck the look on Sarah’s face when she turns the tv on to see the alert...Nico Parker is a KILLER actress, I can SEE her blood running cold 

SARAH THE ALERT SAID STAY INDOORS. BRING THE DOG IN AND LOCK THE DOOR. DO NOT GO WANDERING AROUND.

NOOOOOO

FUCK. THAT.

THATS DISGUSTING AND HORRIFYING

“You killed her” “Baby Im sorry” And that right there is the horror

OH MY GOD THAT SHOT OF THE NEIGHBOR GOING TO HELP THE INFECTED JOEL RAN DOWN WITH THE CAR AND THEN GETTING ATTACKED

holy shit everything about this is....its like shot for shot, the dialogue is perfect...this is...like its horrific but its done so fucking well. im in horrified AWE

that fear from Sarah, trying to reason it through..."but you'd have to go a lot, right" just. ive been there. This is so...obviously it hits harder after covid but. They hit the visceral FEAR of the unknown..."are we sick, how do you know" just. 2 lines. they expanded on this idea by TWO LINES. and it makes it so much more chilling

this is so. I cant even get words. Im not even 30 minutes in

Sarah being the audience surrogate and having the camera literally from her pov, following HER and where SHES looking, exactly like the game mechanic...we’re with her the whole way through and we experience everything through her eyes, not Tommy or Joel...so the fear is MORE

just holy shit the DIRECTION in this. Everything si done so rihght

there are just no words. that 10 minutes that follow Sarah’s death and the jump to 20 years later...gut wrenching

the way Ellie kicks that tray like the PAUSE as she puts her foot down...such an intentional thing and I LOVE IT ts SPOT ON

BELLA IS PERFECT AS ELLIE HOLY SHIT

“seven...eight...fuck...you” AMAZING

people commenting on “she seems to angry/too quick to attack” like...the live action Ellie goes to attack Marlene but thats about the only added on this. Everything else she did IN THE GAME. I think its the fact that Bella actually LOOKS young that makes people realize

like I dont understand people like “she got tougher over the story” No. She got more TRAUMATIZED and yes got more capable at fighting. But she STARTS OUT hard and tough and SOFTENS. She runs parallel and also counter to Joel. SO much of her attitude at the beginning is just a show and I think people miss that

technically speaking Tess and Joel's relationship didnt NEED more screentime, you knew exactly their relationship with what we got but I love these new/expanded scenes with them

MARLENEEEEE.

“...You my fucking mom or something?” “Do I look like your mom?” “Nooo, you do not.” lmao AMAZING  (I mean TECHNICALLY no...)

“was Riley a terrorist?” DO NOT--  if we get that flashback I’ll CRY

GOD. For people who dont know the endgame, they have no idea how hards Marlene’s “you will die” comment to Ellie hits but NOBODY IS BLACK OR WHITE MORALITY ITS ALL SHADES OF GREEEEYYY

ELLIE JUST ATTACKING JOEL RIGHT OUT OF THE GATE AND HIM OWNING HER LMAO

“IM not going with them!” oh my god she sounded like game Ellie

“Kim you dont have a fucking ear on your FUCKING HEAD could you please!?” oh my god

“What are they capable of?” going back to what I said before: Ellie is still a KID. She talks and acts tough (and she is!) and she grew up at the end of the world but shes still a KID who lived her whole 14 years in a military school and got pinged by Marlene the second she left. And it becomes more clear if you know HOW she got infected...she doesnt know ANYTHING about what the world is like outside the QZ. And thats the most heartbreaking part of the story is her going through those horrors. It’s why her and Joel’s relationship is important add to that that shes LITERALLY in the middle of everyone looking back and forth and being traded and called cargo shes CLUELESS and I wanna hug her 

“Asshole!” thats no way to talk to your dad

also her knife I cry

“yall talk it through but please remember that I’m bleeding out” I FUCKING LOVE MARLENE OK

“Joel. Dont fuck this up. Please” I mean if you told him WHY....

ok but AGAIN. Ellie knows a smuggling code because SHES LITERALLY BEEN RAISED BY THE MILITARY but its just this childish way of blurting it out--something that you dont say out loud out of an abundance of caution--and so easily. Really hammering home that she may KNOW the way the world operates but she doesnt know the how or why...

that “okaaay sorr-y” kind of handmotion lol

“your watch is broken” GOD thats some subtle acting from Pedro. FUCK

also whereas in the game it felt like an idle observation, here it kinda feels like its a tiny bit spiteful. Like shes pointing it out to annoy him.

“you know where to go. so we’re gonna be ok?” parallel that to Sarah asking if theyre sick...the daughter figure looking to the father figure for reassurance that everythings gonna be ok. when deep down they both know it isnt goddamnit

“code broken”    that was SO MEAN but I love it and Joel was about to dad lecture but AGAIN Bella NAILED Ellie’s mannerisms, the way she draws out words or the little head tilts

“Holy shit Im actually outside” AGAIN. the childish excitement. because shes a kid seeing something new and has no clue how serious things are about to get

THE PIPE. FROM RIGHT BEFORE THE CUTSCENE

...does the shot of the officer feel a little like...too much like Bumbling Cop...?

BELLAS ACTING, ELLIE STEELING HERSELF LIKE 3 TIMES BEFORE ACTUALLY MOVING THIS CAST IS WAY TOO GOOD WHAT THE FUCK 

also that scream when she does it. You KNOW this girl has never been in a real combat situation like this

....so I figured they might lean a little heavier on Joel’s PTSD and explore it but I didnt expect them to draw that parallel. SHIT

the look on Ellie’s face

Idk how I feel about that ending. like the show itself spectacular and I love the tie in with the 80s song = danger so its a callback but it feels a little like. Upbeat Hm. Anyone else feel like its a bit out of place?

[heavyhitterheaux]

"And I'm going to be better about that. I got my ass handed to me by you, my parents, Urban, and Clay. I know I haven't been the best husband towards you and that needs to change. I never ever want you to feel like that ever again. You are literally the most important person in my life and I need to treat you like you are." Glad to see him FINALLY trying to put in the work, instead of always bashing my bby YN when they got a problem!!

"It's not only you, I have things to work on as well." Look at my Babygurl, she’s the best y’all!!

“The Harlows don’t clear up rumors. If that’s what they want to believe, let them. But I mean seriously? Why did they put you instead of me? It would have made more sense.” He’s really bringing the line I DONT CLEAR UP RUMORS!! To life 😭

“We need all of the distraction that we can get to keep them from finding out that I’m pregnant for the time being and this is the perfect distraction. There’s a movie premiere coming up and he can go with me to L.A. and then I’ll come back home. I’ll do my New Year's Eve performance with Miley and then I’m going ghost.” YALL MY BABY IS A MOTHAFUCKIN MASTERMIND, y’all don’t understand 😩

“I’m sorry and I know that doesn’t even begin to cover it. I’m sorry it also took me this long to come and talk to you about it with just the two of us. I was just so mad and so upset and I… something similar happened in my last relationship and all I got were flashbacks. So once again, I knew deep down that you would never do that to Urban and I just feel so horrible about the whole thing. You didn’t deserve that.” Now see THIS IS GROWTH, she’s acknowledging the fact she was wrong & pin pointing how she felt WITHOUT making excuses for her behavior.

“JACKMAN! BABY NUMBER TWO WANTS IT SO GET IT!” Not her specifying which baby 😭

“Fine. That’s it. Since nobody's answering me, I’m bringing in back up. Private Garden is now on their way too because they’re concerned about the two of you.” She ain’t playin no games SHE FKR BACKUP ON THE HOES 💀

REE OMG I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS & LET ME TELL YOU!! You DID. NOT. DISAPPOINT. I’m so sad you can’t see everything I wanna say 😭 but just know I FUCKING LOVEDDD EVERYTHING ABT THIS 😘

I loveeee this and thank you boo

Yeah he has a lot of work to do since she did say that she's still mad at him and she probably will be for awhile

He's actually going to reflect over the past year and see how much he truly hurt her and he's definitely going to be mad at himself

Yesss growth for Yasmin!

And yes baby number 2 loves greasy food lol

Just wait for PG's reaction 😭😭

[honestandveiled]

Part I - Spinach Lasagne

The first thing I noticed about him was the tattoos on his fingers when he served me my spinach lasagne. Yum, I thought to myself referring to the fingers. I live right across the restaurant and I come here every evening and order the same thing but those fingers are new. I usually bring my papers in a binder to read while I eat and stay a little longer and watch people. I look up to see the fingers' owner, new guy. He's got these chiseled arms, dishelved curls and sheen of hardwork on his face. He looked distracted. I smile at him and thank him, trying to hide my perving. Oh God, its been so long since I've gotten laid. Im perving on random guys who are serving me food. Ever since I started my PhD program, I barely had time for anything else - which is also why I get my dinner at this place everyday - its cheap and delicious and I'm too busy to cook. 

He nods in acknowledgment with a slight smile. Bon appetit he says and leaves. Usually I never stay until the place closes because id like to give the staff their space while closing it up, today however, I wanna see him again, even if it's just briefly. I had my papers to keep me company. Unconsciously curling my hair with my fingers with one hand and using the other to fidget with my pen, I was deeply engrossed in my papers. I only looked up because I noticed a sound at the counter - there he was. There's nobody else around. It was closing time. I lost track of time, I apologize and try to organize my mess of papers and ready to get up. 

"Um-uh you can actually stay longer if you'd like? I mean-n, we are closed but ill be around to finish up some cleaning and stuff. you're welcome to stay."

"You sure?

"Yeah, you look like you're in the zone with your work and I won't be done for another 45 mins so you're fine until then."

 "Thank you, that's so considerate! But that's okay ill head home - I need some coffee anyway." I know they don't sell coffee and I feel bad for imposing without buying anything extra.

"I can make you some coffee. God knows I could use a coffee and cigarette before my cleaning" 

"Huh. I didnt realize you folks sold coffee"

"Oh we dont. But I can make you one"

"Aw, thanks! Can you let me pay for it at least?"

"Do you smoke?"

"Mhm" I nod, embarrassed of my infinite attempts at quitting. In fact I successfully quit before I started my phd only to pick it back up. 

"You can pay me in company when I'm done making the coffee" 

--- 

We are standing at the back of the building in the biting cold, with the coffee warming our fingers and cigarette smoke our faces. 

"I'm y/n btw."  I extend my hand.

"Carmy". He closes in. Those fingers again. 

"Im actually a regular" 

"Oh I know. Spinach lasagne. You know I have like 8 other things on the menu right?" 

"Haha what can I say? The chef in there knows what theyre doing.  Id marry them for the lasagne" 

He laughed. "No, im serious. This is most pleasure I've experienced carnally in literally 10 months. Thank your chef for me - the lasagne has been a sex replacement for a poor ol phd student." Ugh I'm so horny its showing. I should probably shut up.

He blushed, blowing smoke from his mouth. "The chef's probably super deprived himself and uses food as a replacement too"

"What if the chef is deriving his talent from deprivation". We are talking about sex (or the lack thereof) very nonchalantly and I need to get used to it but my vagina is screaming. 

"Or- or - or hear me out. What if he actually gets a real good fucking and and - " he pauses and laughs "actually i have nothing to add. I think he needs some fucking"

"Id fuck him" i say without thinking. Clearly we are not talking about the chef anymore

"Right now?" He asks coming tad bit closer. 

"Right now." 

He comes closer, kissing me desparetely, lifting my thigh to wrap it around him. I can feel him grow against me while he's thrusting into me. I pull his curls closer and moan. 

"Inside. Now"

We sloppily move through the kitchen dropping our clothes as we head to an office thats dimly lit and scattered with papers. He pushes some papers to clear some space and puts me on the desk. He tries to go down on me. I pull him by his curls stopping him.

"Um-uh im very hairy down there. Havent exactly planned for this"

"Even better" he replies and goes to town. I bite my lip, conscious of my moaning sounds

"I like it when you're loud. Tell me how much you want this"

"Oh please keep going, i want you so bad."

He's moaning while he's eating me. "That feels so good. Please keep going", I mumble between my moans. He is flicking his tongue on my clit so firm and hard that it almost kills me, then he digs his finger into me while sucking on my clit. 

"Tell me what you want" he demands.

"This is so good. Keep going". Im going feral!

"Tell me or ill stop" he says almost pulling out his finger".

I let out a small cry. "Fuck me with more fingers!"

"Tell me how"

"Harder!"

He adds one more finger and fucks me really hard and fast with them. 

"More?" He asks and before I could say anything, "of course you'd want more, don't you my poor ol desperate student?" He mocks.

"Tell me exactly how many" he asks using the same demanding voice

"All your fingers. Please"

"I knew it" he quickly changes his stance to fist me hard and lifts his head up close and sucks on tongue and biting my lip lightly. I hold him tightly by his hair while he's fisting the daylights out of me. "You're driving me crazy" I breathe into his mouth. He kisses harder

"Ready to be fucked?" He asks almost earnestly

"Not yet. My turn" I try to grab his cock

"We are fucking. Im going to go inside you and thats the way this works"

"Nope. You don't make all the rules here.'  I look at him sternly while I hold his cock tightly in my hand pulling him towards me. Touching his balls lightly while I hold his length hard. He holds my jaw tightly "You wanna play hard? I could do hard" he says and before he could do anything I push him back to the wall, get on my knees and put him in my mouth. 

He moans as I suck on his tip and squeeze his ass towards me, lightly touching between his cheeks. He stands there accepting temporary defeat. I look him in the eye and say. "Grab my hair and make me go at the speed you'd like"

He uses my mouth to fuck hard and fast as I make glucking noies. "Fuck. You're so hot." 

He pulls my head away from his and brings me to his lips. "I need to be inside you." He pauses before he says "please" 

I kiss him back while he puts me back on the counter. I put my legs over his shoulders but he holds them by the ankles and moves them above my head and fucks me like its his last. When he finally comes he lets out one last groan and drops his head into my chest and gives small kisses. I kiss him on his face, my legs shaking visibly. He laughs and rubs my thighs along the sides and kisses them  "sh sh calm down. You did so good" I laugh a little embarrassed by my legs. 

"Water?"

"Water." I reply 

"I'll be back" he comes back with a glass of water for both of us. He kisses me with his water filled mouth. Spitting into mine and slowly moves away while I quench my thirst.

He drops a mattress on the floor 

"You had a mattress all along?"

"Sorry yeah." He runs his fingers through the back of his head sheepishly. "Got carried away. Come lie beside me"

Our naked backs to the floor we look up while he plays with my long curly hair while I his tattooed fingers. 

"Whats your phd in?" He asks 

"Computer science. Specifically machine learning. Statistical modelling that kind of thing"

"Tell me more"

"Some other night. Tell me about your finger tattoos"

"I got them when i was in juvie. Don't mean much now. Some other night"

We lie in silence and slowly drift away to sleep.

 -- 

An alarm goes off around 4.30 am. 

"Fuck!shit! Im sorry arrghh" he curses while trying to shut it down. I make sleepy noises and see his face looking at me.

"Darling. Hey- hey mwah, darling. I've got to leave now. Okay? Got some errands to run". I nod trying to make sense of my surroundings. 

"Im really sorry but you probably should too. My crew is gonna come in a couple of hours." I stretch my body while he runs his fingers against me and kisses my stomach. 

"What errands at..."I look at the watch "..4.30 in the morning?"

"Gotta pick up produce for today. Need spinach for your lasagna" he smiles 

"What kind of chef makes his waiter get produce at 4 in the morning and clean up at the end of the day?" I ask while we are putting on clothes. I steal a last kiss on his bare back before he puts his shirt on. 

"The chef who is deprived, remember? Actually not anymore apparently"

"You're the chef?" I laugh thinking we are still joking "why were you waiting tables?" 

"Short staffed yesterday"

"You're being serious? Omg. I said stupid things about the chef, sorry"

"I did too. Don't be sorry. It's all true. Ill walk you home?"

"Yes please". 

[wanghedi]

HI i saw your post about gwt and pyx and i would love to hear more about their divorce bc as a fellow 南北 enjoyer who is SO SAD about the divorce but cannot fathom why it happened i want to know if it's just bc im uneducated or if nobody knows. thanks!!!!!

Omg a 南北 enjoyer on tumblr its just u and me anon 🫂 but honestly i also heard about it from the peripheries and from ppl making sad edits. And it makes me sooo bummed to even think about so i never looked into the nitty gritty of it either but from what i gather it started (per usual in c-ent) with their fans. akgae vs akgae vs shippers the classic matchup. (Which is crazy bc theyre not idols or actors they started from literal finance bros who got invited on a puzzle solving show and then they individually and together (thru gay bait) got all these fans and its like a Rule or something that once ur weibo follower count hits a certain number u WILL get crazy akgaes and there WILL be shippers who genuinely think ur fucking ur straight married coworker) i think it was something to do with pyx's fanclub's bday message like something sooo insignificant that somehow got on the nerve of the shippers and the shippers attacked pyx and pyx akgaes attacked them And gwt so gwt akgaes also attacked them and it just got to a point where it was not ignorable for either of them bc their fans fought their way up to weibo hot search #1 for DAYS and then ig to avoid that happening again they just. stopped interacting on camera. And i dont want to speculate if their off camera friendship was affected but at least on camera over the course of one hiatus they just stopped acknowledging each other. But yeah anon if u know anything else let me know. Or whatever else u wanna say on the matter i am always down to talk about 名学蜜逃 🫶

[i-got-the-feels]

Things I love and can't stop thinking about from The Punisher Season 2

Can Nurture ever win over Nature?

Billy Russo

"I tried. I was there for you, more I can say about smackhead mothers and degenerate fathers. I loved you kids and some of you were happy to love me back. Whatever happened to you, it aint my fault. You can't escape nature. So why are you here. You aint fussy now, that you ain't pretty" - and the rage, hurt, clarity that was seen in Billy eyes (Ben russo, the actor that you are) - and him visiting this person shown after Frank saying Billy would have gone to settle the score. (Also, please note - I am in no supporting any excuses a child abuser makes, this is added to bring out the theme in the show)

"I know what it is that I lost. I had everything that I wanter  but I lost it all. Money, power, purpose, my own company, apparently I don't know whats worse loosing it or not even remembering how it felt like to have it. I'd like some of it back"

And he does - just like he did earlier by selling dreams of brotherhood and support - last time he at least pretended it was via legal means, this time he didn't even pretend

Ask yourselves are you willing to be part of something bigger than just yourselves? I am talking about brotherhood. (Similar speech he gave in Season 1 Anvil Recruitment speech)

"You asked which face I wanted the world to see. This face. This face has everything wrong I ever did written all over it. And when I look into the mirror I wanna see best version of myself again. Do you think that thats possible. Possible for someone like me?"

But remember what he described as his best version?

" They were family. Never had that before, you know? Best version of myself in the service. Swift, silent, deadly. We all were all of those things and fighting for something. We weren't afraid of shit. And now there something on the edges of my mind, like a dark shadow just waiting for me. The thing is doc, I think I deserve to feel the fear, I dont why but I know I deserve this - showing that yes Billy may have hesitated in making those bad choices, but given a chance he would still make those bad ones

(who knew maybe story would be different if he had got a more ethical therapist- read more on that here)

With Dinah

"If that backup gun were there"

"Would you shoot me?"

"In a heartbeat. But you are in control. That how you always liked it. You might not remember but you haven't changed. Same psycotic asshole you always were. You used me"

"Maybe. Doesn't mean I didn't like you too" (notice the lack of apology for manipulating and betraying her)

"Frank did this to me. Didn't he?"

" Sorry, who?"

"No no. You don't do that. Cause I know, I know now. Nobody seems to have answeres but I know you do. I know you do. So I need to know how" (notice the lack of apology for shooting her in the head)

"You sold out everything you ever stood for,anybody you ever cared for. And you did it for money and status, left Frank covered in blood of his wife and children. That's who you are" (Throwback to scene from Season 1 in park - the story of his name- the one he chose and the scene where Frank tells him "You lost, Billy. You lost your honor. You lost everything the second you took the money")

"No no"

"Yeah and when he found out, he came after you and made you pay. Now let me ask you something, look in my eyes and tell me am I lying. Frank wanted to live with that on your face everyday. He put all that ugly on the outside where it belongs. Maybe you should do all of us a favour and shoot yourself and finish this. Because Frank will come after you and finish this"

"Did we have good time, Dinah?"

"Look at how much you wanr to kill me now. We definitely did"

"Every night I dreamed about Frank . Every night. Whom did you dream about. At least you will always have the memories- like her earlier said" I envy you. I envy you for having memories. I should know how I felt about you" (again forget acknowledgement of her pain, but further stomping on that pain to have last word)

With Curtis

"Would you believe me if I told you I was sorry?"

"Sorry enough to turn youself in and pay for it?"

"Oh, I paid already, don't you think. I'm never going back. So anyone who comes at me, it's going to be all or nothing. How did this happen to me HOW DID THIS HAPPEN to me" (Like my buddy, you can tell sorry either way to at least show that you are trying to be sincere - the asking shows you ain't genuine)

With/about Frank

"I would give my life for that man. He knows that. So why would a man, I would give my life for, why would, would he try to take mine away from me"

"Maybe he was never was you thought he was" (Krista being a terrible and untethical therapist - part- i lost count of the number time)

"Maybe I am not. Because I am not. I don't remember, I just don't remember. I loved his family. I loved his family. Closest I had to one of my own. So even if I did, what they say I did. Even if. All right, kill me. Don't leave me like this. To carve me up. There is no honor in that. After everything we went through, I deserve more. I deserve more. He won't stop. He won't stop coming. I wouldn't." (again, no apology or taking of responsibility- he is again shoving away the accountability he should be holding himself to. Last season he did so by saying and believing" I told them I wouldn't be a part of it" and this season he does this way)

"He can't find you if he doesn't know where you are"

"But I would l know that I ran. I want him to feel what I felt. I want him to suffer. I want him to hurt" (like I did - "That skull that came in my dream every night. He wears it on his chest. I know now, I know now, it was him but i don't feel it. I know I know but then I don't know. I mean here (head) but not here(heart). And he was my best friend. My best friend. And he was pointing a gun at me" and Frank knows then when he wears his vest and goes to shoot Bill and says "Its not gonna be me who he sees")

And hurt he did

"Break him and then finish him"

"Take away the one thing he has left. That somehow he is better than you"

"I think I know why I was scared. Because i was locked inside in a room with no way out"

and hurting Frank the way he did

"How does it feel to be locked up in a cage like animal? To be locked in room with nothing but your miserbake thoughts to comfort you. Nothing about that pain is temporary (when he asked his guys to Break him and then Finish him and before leaving said - the pain is temporary, Frankie) . Its like waking death. Like burning in hell. You're your own devil now, Frankie boy. And you are no better than me"

and how he manipulated vulnerable men for his cause and wasn't even honest about his intentions and still ensured they fought his fight when he said this "He isn't a cop. He isn't a judge. He doesn't care for flag, fo us, nothing but his purpose."-opposite to Curtis who refused men to do so even when they asked themselves.

Frank Castle

"You can hide your identity. You can't hide who you truly are" - John Pilgrim about Pete Frank Castle.

"You hate standing still. That's why you always looking for a fight. An excuse to  keep moving. Standing still, more or less is how life works, in real life at least. Most poeple looking for a place to be happy to stand still. And looking for someone to do it with" - Curtis to Frank

reminded me of Amy saying this

"You were glad to fight- like you finally got the excuse to let go"

"No, I am not the one who dies, kid. I am the one who dies the killing. That's the thing everytime I try to be someone different that's when the wrong people get hurt" - Frank to Amy before he goes to kill John

is callback what he said to Amy, Madani and Curtis in the trailer earlier

"You know if you asked me once, I'd told you was pretty much just like everyone else. You know I really didn't give a shit unless my family was healthy or happy. I lost them. Everything changed. I thought I became something different. Well last night, I had a little chat with my wife. I sat by her grave and realised something. This is who I always was. Maria, she knew, she knew what I was. She loved me any way. I'm not like you people. I can do things you can't do. You know what that makes me? It makes me.. This (looking at The Punisher vest). Let me be me. Let me be me."

And Maria knowing it is a call back to Season 1 scene of

"Where is home frank?"

" Is it here or there (the battlefield)?"

"Its here. With you. You know that."

"No. I don't know that." before he says he won't go on another tour that in this season he describes as "Day they died, I told Maria I was done. I wasn't going back. I had just got home the night before. I woke up and saw her face and it came at me and I knew it was right, felt like this weight got weight lifted off my shoulder. I can hear their laughter. It lived in my heart. And thats all I had. But now thats gone. I can't hear it. Not anymore"

Because just like he said "I am home" before he goes to kill Rawlins - now his home is- in his own words- "I killed them. Sometimes i think that's all i got. Just me and the ghosts"

Father John Pilgrim

This conversation with his wife

"You afraid that man you were is still there?"

"I am afraid. He always will be"

This scenes lets us know when he said this in earlier episode, it was about himself

"Your sin will find you out. Somewhere, sometime every little, every big sin will find you out."

"You know what's brotherhood? Its a defense against weakness. You surround yourself with people who are as pathetic as you are. Its  a way to avoid staring your own sins in the face. Brotherhood is a hall of mirros, looking back at you, reflecting your self back at you. But There comes a time where you gotta smash the mirrors and look inside and decide "Who am I? What kind of man am I?" you gotta understand your own true nature and use it. You gotta understand what requires to change. Who amongst us can look at themselves without shame"

Amy Bendix

"The only way to win the game is to not play it"

"Just because someone says something is true,doesn't mean that it us. Even if you wanna believe them. Even if you wanna keep believing them. Even if they believe it themselves. In the end you have to admit they are lying, change hour own path because people never change. They just hide stuff, lie to you and keep letting you down, over and over again. And so you have to decide, do i stay or change the path for myself "

Difference Between Frank and Billy

This conversation between Madani and Krista highlight it

"He has murdered people. Wants to murder Billy Russo"

"Never innocent (people)"

"Who decides who is innocent?"

"I have seen him risk his life without second thought to save women and kids"

"So he is exempt because archaic idea of chivalry?"

"No he is exempt because if he did things Billy did he would feel like he is burning in hell"

and he did when Frank thought he murdered those women this is how he reacted

"I didn't care. I would have killed anything that got in my way. The pieces of shit, I killed, if they deserved to die so do I"

This quote by Krista used as exploration point of two characters - "I wonder why stronger the man, the lesser they are to admit their pain and ask for help" in conversation between Frank and Curtis on difference between Frank and Billy.

"I should have seen maybe I could have helped him".

"When have you known Billy Russo to ask for help?"

"When have I ever asked for help?"

"Cut it out. Billy was lying the whole time. Maybe he didn't know it, but there was something different, he was empty (throwback to Season 1 Frank himself saying - it was always about cars, moneya women for you, wasn't it?) That's the difference, Frank. You give a shit about people, he doesn't. He was most natural marine I have ever seen, other than you, Frank. It wasn't war that twisted Billy. It was greed" (S1 - Billy saying - The only crime in war is to loose)

How Frank ensures that no one has to live the hell he lives

In Season 1 he saved Liberman, in this he saves Amy and Father John.

With John

"They have my sons" .

"I understand you didn't have a chance to save your kids"

"If you did, what would have done?"

"I'd have done any thing"

"Here we are"

"Here we are"

"When you kill them , don't hurt my boys"

"I know who you are. You are the whirlwind"

With Amy

"That's what life is now, alive or dead, them or us? "

"I'll try, ill try that life is different for you, kid"

Because he remembers what he told her when he got to know about her situation and later she of his-

"He killed everbody I ever cared about. How do you think that feels?"

"So what do you wanna do about it?"

"Do about it? They are dead. Gone"

"Now they are after me"

"Sometimes, you gotta fight kid. You take the fight to them"

"They killed your whole family in front of you.Why didn't you tell me that? And you killed them for it?"

"Yeah that's right"

"Did it make you feel better? "

"Sometimes "

But he is STILL living life as it if is hell, as if it is a war as seen in his this scene with Madani

Listen Madani , you are right. I could just kill him and walk away. But that doesn't mean its easy. I can live with it, yeah, i can live with anything. There is no peace up here. There is no happy medium I am looking for. War is not easy.

"War? War? Listen to yourself. It's not some foreign country and guys you never met shooting you. It's home. It's different"

"Is that right? "

"It has to be different"

"Tell that to my wife and kids"

Frank Castle - The child protector

Frank not killing Rex's innocence by telling him about death but also not letting Beth move over the topic and thwarting his curiosity

"You didn't kill him. You shot him. I killed him- (puts another bullet into him)I killed him. I killed him. No you just shot him I killed him. Right. Yeah."

because she shot him because of what he had said to her earlier

"You took a gun off somebody who wanted to use it on you. What do you do? You use it on them. No matter who, don't hesitate"

Beating and torturing the dude who was involved in child pronography and Amy knowing how difficult it is to not kill him and says, "Hey, I am touched. I tryly am. If it makes you feel any better, you can burn the place down"

"Nothing to loose a sleep over child molester and neither should you"- Frank Castle to Dinah Madani over Billy Russo Killing his molester

Madani speaking her mind no matter how messy/complicated.

Her final conversation with Krista Dumont

"I am sorry"

"Which part?"

"Billy dragging you into this"

"He didn't drag me into any thing. I love him"

"Putting three bullets in helped my state of mind. You see the blood? Yes, that's his. He is alone, bleeding and dying"

"He'll kill you for what you did to me"

"Oh you did this to yourself"

On being stuck in the past

"He was there that night?"

"The three of us. Maybe we still are"

- A conversation between Krista Dumont and Dinah Madadni

"Let's just say I was like you. Follow the rules tell the truth and justice will be served. I learned different. Sometimes maybe someone like castle is the closest to justice we get" - Dinah Madani to Brett Mahoney

"They don't tell you fighting for what you believe in will ruin your life because belief doesn't stop a bullet" - Dinah Madani in Curtis's PTSD therapy group.

On what she wants to happen to Billy.

"Why did you vist him day and night in hospital? You were tempted to out him down right?"

"Never"

"Why aren't you  interviewing Curtis in an interview room with your Homeland lackeys around. Why am I here? Its because you know this only ends with Billy dead and that's why I am her to convince you that its okay to want this"

"No"

This conversation between Marion James and Dinah Madani

"Castle and Russo-useful until they develop a mind of their own. Let Castle and Russo deal with each other and finish their little psychodrama"

"So CIA operates on home soil until they aren't pulling the trigger" - A

On truth and how much of it is out there

"People deserve the truth"

"You can call her back and tell her everything- Rawlins , Zubair , Russo . I don't know about justice but the truth would be out there but you and Castle would bear the brunt of it"

but she did say the truth, the necessary one

"Sam Stein warned me against Russo. I ignored his warnings and it got him killed"

I'm jealous of them both. Neither of them give a shit. With  purity of purpose.

Men think they are tougher than us. Too many of us believe it. Its bullshit. They are just better at forgiving themselves than we are.

Frank isn't a criminal. He isn't a hero either.He is just frank, that's who he is

Frank Castle and Sense of Duty

Castle compliment Odgen  "What you did was brave. As brave as anyone I ever saw"

(what Odgen did - I made an oath in front of God, I intend to keep it)

This conversation between Dinah Madani and Frank Castle

"What am I doing carrying this badge?"

" I can’t answer that for you"

You do what you need to do - said throughout the seasons who came on to him while doing their duty - including Dinah Madani, Brett Mahoney, the young soldier who tried to stop Frank from running away from Col Benett's house

Parallels that don't fit a theme and Quotes/Scenes I loved

"Sometimes things make decisions for you" /"You know, kid, Sometimes you find things and they change your life" - Frank Castle, beginning of the season/Episode 13

"Too much real life for a travelling man?" /"So How far did you get?" - Beth Quinn to Frank Castle (because she knows he is used to running and Curtis's he would rather stay angry at world and be part of it and he cannot stand sill and needs to keep moving)

His love for his Maria and kids

"Got someone with porch light on?"

"Wouldn't be here then"

His ring necklace, how he didn't let her touch it when they were making love.

"They were taken from me" - A conversation between Beth Quinn and Frank Castle (also I loved how the sex scene wasn't continuous and their conversation was shown in between because them two getting together was about two wandering souls meeting rather than just a physical thing)

I should throw you out right now. Somehow, I dont feel like I need to/ I don't why I let you in. My best answer is it semeed like the right thing to do - Beth Quinn/ Krista Dumont

"My patients alleged crimes are not my concern. Only his health"- Krista Dumont to Dinah Madani

Beth stretching out the time, the nervousness to tell Frank's fake name to Pilgrim. What a badass.

"The world would come to stop without it technology" "We can hope" - John Pilgrim to his tech dude

Amy thanking Odgen

Amy going under the bed to sleep, cry ans Frank hearing it

"Hang in there. As if we had a choice" - Billy Russo

"Whatever it is that you wanted him to live with, you knocked it clean out of his head. And thats the irony. Now everybody but him has to live with what he did. And what you did too"- Curtis Hoyle to Frank Castle

"I wish you had that (a loving family and safe home- a good childhood) . I am sorry you didn't" Frank Castle to Billy Russk

"Just got to make sure are the dealer"  Castle / "You know its a trap and still going?" "Yeah . It's my trap. At least I know what's coming" - Two conversations between Amy Bendix and Frank Castle

The editing/ visual effects of nightmares paralleling to Madani opening eyes waking up from one.

"Count five blue things" - Krista Dumont to Billy Russo

"I have made peace with all of it. The sadness and fear in my husband's and children's eyes, except, I know this prideful and selfish but the last thing I want to see in this world is you" - John's wife's last wish (and her not getting that because of two rich homophobic asshole fucking sucked, okay??)

"My dad wanted me to learn about justice. Instead I learned about power" - Poloznev to Frank Castle

"Cops and criminals (are similar) .Control over actions.Control over consequence. Control over other people. And most of all, they craved control over themselves" - Krista Dumont to Brett Mahoney

"You said you did this to me Frank ? I said did you did this to me?" "You God damn right I did" - His eyes. His breathing. His acting - Billy Russo on knowing who the skull of his nightmare belongs to.

"You see Frank, you tell people to stay out if it but they care about you. Whether you like it or not. And I wasn't abuout to see you die" - Curtis Hoyle to Frank Castle

"When I saw Bill . He looked at me like nothing had changed. Like we were still friends. When he drew on him, he was shocked. He looked confused. He looked hurt. Like I betrayed him. I looked at his face and saw Maria , I saw the kids and how we used to be together, we were family. And i swear to God he saw it too. I'll tell you rught now Curtis he does not know what he did. He doesn't , I saw that. I had the shot and I froze. It was just for a second but it was too late.

"I had a shot. When he was on streets coming at you, I had a shot. I could have killed him"- Frank Castle to Curtis Hoyle

"You want ger to act normal? There is no normal around you" / "We are not playing games, cCurt. You make mistake and peoole die. They die. I dropped a ball and You did too and a man died" - Frank and Curtis when Frank scared Amy.

"Because I hate beginnings. That awkward false state of everything. You and I didn't have to suffer that. We started in the middle looking forwards, you and I- Krista Dumont to Billy Russ"/ AND Frank shooting Billy in the middle of "apology" because they have lived through awkward beginnings and beautiful middle and tragic almost ends so he knows where Billy is going.

"Maybe everbody wants to make feel someone worse than they do. Maybe everybody gets betrayed in the end" / "Everyone is lonely. We are just fighting hard to not be lonely - Billy Russo/ Karen Page"

"He was one of the one's that killed Frank's family, wasn't he?" "Yeah the worst one because they were his family too" - A conversation between Curtis Hoyle and Amy Bendix.

"You know this can't last forever . You are too smart to not to. But that doesn't mean we can't make plans for after. At some point , enough's got to be enough. It has to be for something" / "I want you to have an after, Frank" - Krista Dumont to Billy Russo/Karen Page to Frank Castle.

"Humans aren't  ruled by logic. We try to, we want to but at the end its insticts and emotions and then we justify ourselves afterwards. Even you. Even me" - The justifications Krista Dumont uses makes herself believe that what she did is okay

"I wasn't lost. I was found" / "Frank didn't take anything from you, he gave you, us a second chance" - John Pilgrim/Krista Dumont.

"I know you hated pulling the trigger but that kept you alive" / "Sometimes the difference between alive and dead is if you are willing and able to pull the trigger" - Frank Castle to Amy Bendix / Karen Page to Senator Ori

"I think if there is hell, that's what it would be. An eternity spent facing our own failings" - Krista Dumont to Dinah Madani.

And finally

"Billy russo chases power because he believes is worthless and unlovable.

Frank castle, he does terrible things but still wants to believe he is good

I believe despite all evidence to contray, one day I will free one of you from yours" (maybe even my own one day- goes unsaid) - Krista Dumont to Dinah Madani.

Season 1

[shealolz]

HIGH ENOUGH - DABI/TODOROKI TOUYA

warnings & notes: branding skin, mild blood, swearing, guns, creampie

summary: dabi & y/n have seggs. it's that simple. or is it?

genre: smut/nsfw

Dabi/Todoroki Touya x Female League of Villains Member

word count: 2,483

----

your hand rested on Tomura's arm, the man's flaky skin shuddering beneath your feather-light touch.

it would've been an innocent gesture to everyone but you, Tomura, or him.

a light blush covered his cheeks as you stood behind him, maybe a little too close.

of course, nobody would see your hips rocking against his ass and the breathy hitched gasps from his mouth.

they were all too concerned with their own villain agendas.

and also maybe the fact that Dabi was literally smoking from his staples.

so maybe you were grinding on your boss who you were friends with benefits all the while being fucking his second in command.

nothing wrong with that, right?

"y/n-" Tomura hissed. "What do you think you're doing?"

"pleasuring you boss. why? do you wish for me to stop?" you whispered into his ear, chuckling lightly.

"during our biggest meet-up? yes, I do." Tomura said more steadily only for a whimper to leave his lips.

"aw. it seemed like you liked it." you pouted, detaching from his back to stand next to him. "guess I'm not good enough, huh?"

"what?" he asked like the idea was atrocious. "no, no- you're fine, your wonderful y/n but just not right now."

something swelled in your gut, a certain heat.

so you had a minor praise kink, nothing to be ashamed about.

you smirked and turned to face him. "then I hope you don't mind if maybe this weekend we could meet up."

a manicured grip wrapped around his wrist, your manicured grip.

"Yeah I don't mind just don't be earlier than ten." he sighed.

"good, now if you don't mind I have downfalls to plot." you breathe out, going to your given workspace as you tie the apron around your waist.

you head for your table, your nails tapping against the wood as you map out certain alleyways.

sure the heat in your gut that made your pussy pulse wouldn't leave, that was the whole reason you were trying to get into Tomura's pants, but you could deal.

you had worse anyway.

once some dude edged you on till you were about to orgasm then left you to fucking make eggs.

to put it simply after fingering yourself till you cummed you broke the relationship.

if it could be called one. the two of you really just fucked each other till you were tired.

nothing special.

two hands slammed down next to you and a body pressed against you.

the smell of ash infiltrated your nose.

"what the fuck did you think you were doing with Tomura? I thought you were mine." Dabi growled into your ear.

you smiled a bit and wiped your chalk-covered hands on your jeans. "I dont know what you're talking about." you feign innocence.

his hand grabs your jaw to turn to face him, metal biting into your skin.

"I'm not blind like the others. don't think I didn't see you grinding on his pathetic ass." he snarls.

you shrug. "What can I say? people who melt in my palms intrigue me."

"oh? I don't think I do that, princess." Dabi huffs, letting go of your jaw.

you look down at the chalky mess in front of you and let out a silent breath.

the staring and eye contact had gotten to you and your panties were growing wetter by the second.

"if anything your melting in my palms," Dabi mutters, grabbing your forearm and pulling you away.

"Where are we going now?" you prompt.

"you'll see," he replies shortly.

letting him sit you in his car your hands run over the leather.

sure the League wasn't driving around in Spinner's beat-up van now that the Paranormal Liberation Front was around but the car still never ceased to amaze you.

he climbed into the front seat and adjusted the gear stick and pulled out from the building's parking lot.

there was a gun tucked into his pants.

to avoid showing your curiosity you looked out the window.

"I can see your legs trembling." he sang lightly as he made a sharp turn.

"can you? why don't you fix that then?" you shot back.

"hm? did you want me to bend you over that table and shove my dick into you?" he chuckled, the wind rustling his hair.

"it'd be embarrassing but quicker." you hum.

"calm your tits dollface we'll be there soon."

he drove into a parking garage, one known for being empty.

Dabi didn't stop till he got to the roof of the garage then he parked the car.

unbuckling his seat belt he reclined his chair back a bit.

you shimmied out of your jeans, already preparing for what was about to come.

"I think you know what to do?" he acknowledged.

"yes, I do." you agreed, climbing over the mechanics of the car to sit in the area between the wheel and Dabi's sit.

removing the gun Dabi waved it in your face, making sure you knew it was there.

he wouldn't be merciless if he didn't like it.

from your view, he seemed majestic.

the black cloudy skin in the backdrop, rumbling with thunder, the blue lighting of the car, his spiked belt, and wind tousled hair.

so similar to a god.

one of death.

your life was in his hands.

slowly your hands undid the belt, moving it to the side where you previously sat.

you unbuttoned his pants, pulling them down to his feet to reveal plain black boxers.

Dabi's boner wasn't full-blown but it was still there.

it seemed he got pleasure from looking down on you.

you can let him have this one, you can be his plaything today.

fingers looping into the boxers you pulled them down along with his pants.

his cock seemed to jump out at you and you stared at it.

"it's big." you blinked.

"you're acting like you haven't seen it before." Dabi drawled.

your hands gripped his thighs, nails digging into surprisingly soft skin.

beads of blood rose and slipped under your fingernails.

your lips wrapped around the tip, your tongue slipping under and dragging against it.

Dabi rested his head back, his tense posture loosening greatly.

"fuck, I forgot how good you are." he groaned.

the two of you hadn't done anything major in a while, just a couple of heated make-outs nothing more.

with the war rising after all there wasn't a lot of time to do that kind of shit.

tongue wrapping around his dick one hand wrapped around the area connecting to his hips and pumped slowly.

another groan as Dabi's hand found its way in your hair.

"c'mon princess, you can do better. I know you can." he purred, lidded turquoise eyes gazing down at you.

you squinted at him but nodded and sucked on his dick harder.

you were into it after all.

teeth nipped at the slit slightly before pouty pink lips pressed a kiss to it.

you swallowed as you pulled back, a trail of saliva connecting your mouth and Dabi's dick.

letting yourself breathe a bit, you went back in.

his dick slammed against the back of your throat and you didn't mind.

the way his deep moans bubbled from his chest and his grip tightened in your hair were worth it.

choking slightly you sucked, bobbing your head back and forth.

his nails scratch against your scalp, tugging harshly.

without a warning Dabi orgasms, the creamy liquid flowing down your throat and into your stomach.

his semen is at the corner of your lips along with a shit ton of saliva when you pull back.

"asshole could've told me you were finishing." you glare up at him.

he smirks. "that would've ruined the fun of it."

rolling your eyes you push his seat back to recline fully.

"so you wanna be the dominant one now?" he prompts, placing his hands on your hips as your straddle him.

"not really, I just want your dick." you deadpan.

he chuckles and rubs at your hipbones. "Whatever you say, princess."

his dick was already out and hard, his jacket wasn't on in the first place so he was just in his oversized white button-up.

you only had your panties and your bra left so you were almost closed to a state of undressing.

looking up at him you then glanced at your pussy so he would get the hint.

"damn thought I could watch you masturbate, gotta do all the work myself huh?" he huffed.

his finger sneaked under your underwear till they were tugged down.

Dabi frowned. "this won't do."

his finger lights aflame and you blink at the new idea.

your underwear burn to ash and the blue flame goes back. "better."

swiftly you grip his hand.

he looks up at you with a raised eyebrow.

you lean forward so you two were eye to eye.

"turn on your quirk," you order, your hot breath ghosting over his cheeks.

"Oh?" he questions but his finger flames again.

you bring it closer to your inner thigh and you see his breath hitch as he sits up a bit.

"Are you sure?" he asks.

you nod steadily.

he lets out a breath and lays back down, the flame never flickering as you slowly let go.

his other hand grabbed at your thigh, squishing the soft skin between his hands as he starts to brand your other thigh.

your nails dig into the leather of the seats as you bite down on your lip, the metallic taste of blood soon entering your mouth.

a moan leaves your mouth though as your lips stain red.

though it was painful the joy you felt as you were marked as Dabi's made your heart swell.

why did you like the feeling so god damn much?

the flame disappears and you glance at your thigh.

'𝐓𝐎𝐔𝐘𝐀'

"T-Touya?" you stutter out as you pant heavily.

"my name, the birth one," he replies.

you smile at him and press a kiss to his lips which he reciprocates.

"well it's a beautiful one," you whisper against his lips.

you could hear the amused chuckle.

his hand sneaks onto your thigh and rubs at the burn lightly, gaining a whine.

slowly his hand creeps for your vagina and he massages the skin.

soft moans leave your voice box. "a-ah!"

his smirk widened as he adjusts you so his fingers are facing your vagina.

you lower yourself onto him as his fingers pushed through your folds and into you.

the steel of his staples is cold compared to the muscle inside you as Dabi shifts around.

a gasp leaves your lips as your hands gripped onto the leather seats tighter.

then your phone rang.

turquoise eyes looked at you curiously. "Answer it."

you swallow and pat around for your phone, finding it in the passenger's seat.

" 'COCK FACE' IS CALLING "

you press the answer button and place it against your ear.

"eh? y/n? you there?"

Hawks.

"y-yup," you say hesitantly.

"so, you wanna meet later tonight? maybe a couple of rounds?" Hawks suggests and you can hear the pure arrogance through the phone.

he was fucking high.

"why'd you only ever c-call me when your high?" you scoff, pausing briefly when Dabi thrusts his fingers into you rather roughly.

"high?" Hawks echoes only to be cut off when you hung up.

you threw the phone back into the passenger seat and attached your lips to Dabi's scarred neck.

"Who was that?" he groans out, his hips bucking up.

"Hawks," you reply as you bite into his shoulder.

he lets out a moan and turns his head to you.

"so you're just fucking everyone you meet?"

"only the attractive ones."

he snorts but wraps his arm around your waist to tug you closer as his fingers thrust into you harder.

Dabi's fingers move around in a scissoring motion, hitting both sides of you.

your teeth puncture his skin and his grip on you tightens as he pushes his fingers in deeper.

"p-please just f-fuck me!" you cry out.

"you think your ready, dollface?" he hums.

you nod vigorously, turning to face him with desperate eyes.

"if you insist."

he takes his hand out of you and his arm slides from your waist as he picks up his dick.

the boner was fucking big.

how the hell was that supposed to fit in you?

he flips your positions, you now on the bottom as your boobs bounce in their bra by the force.

Dabi lines his dick with your entrance before shoving it in you.

you grip onto his sides with shaky hands as he lets you adjust to his size.

while he waits his hands slide under your shirt and bra and begin to squeeze at your boobs.

"ngh." you mewl. "m-move."

"Your wish is my command." he teased but started to pull out before thrusting back in.

you gasped and your hips bucked forward only to be stopped by his other hand.

"patience love," he mumbles.

he rubbed at your nipple, squeezing your breast, and pressing down onto the skin.

eventually, he just lifted the whole shirt off you and began to suck at the skin all the while thrusting into you.

moans and gasps fell from your lips.

"ah!" "ngh." "h-huh!"

tears pricked at your eyes from the pleasure, it was too much.

your legs were trembling again, signaling a nearby orgasm as Dabi thrust in even harder, the sound of skin slapping against skin sounding through the car.

soon enough your orgasm squirted all over him and he finished into you.

as he pulled out he smiled when looking at your whole.

"d-did you have to cum inside?" you whine.

"what? the cum running out of you looks pretty." he shrugged as he pulled the seat back up.

your legs hit the floor and you sat there, watching the world spin for a second.

then you climbed back into the passenger's seat and began to put on your clothes.

when your shirt was halfway on something cold pressed against your temple.

the gun from earlier.

"did you not like it?" you ask, buttoning your blouse.

you weren't exactly afraid. if you were to die Shigaraki would probably get mad at Dabi and that'd be funny to watch from hell.

"Nah, I enjoyed it, just liked to watch you squirm." he puts the gun back into the glovebox.

he was already dressed, his pants and boxers were put back on and his belt was draped lazily over his hips.

the moon was out indicating you'd been gone for a while.

you licked at your lips as Dabi began to go down the ramps back onto the main street.

"tonight was surely interesting," you say dryly.

"When have things ever been uninteresting with me around?" he joked.

things with Dabi were nice.

even if it was just meaningless and bored sex.

[supercantaloupe]

okay yeah actually, i’ll bite. i’ve got some of my own thoughts about the unsleeping city and cultural representation and i’m gonna make a post about them now, i guess. i’ll put it under a cut though because this post is gonna be long.

i wanna start by saying i love dimension 20 and i really really enjoy the unsleeping city. i look forward to watching new episodes every week, and getting hooked on d20 as a whole last summer really helped pull me out of a pandemic depression, and i’m grateful to have this cool show to be excited about and interested in and to have met so many cool people to talk about it with.

that being said, however, i think there is a risk run in representing any group of people/their culture when you have the kind of setting that tuc has. by which i mean, tuc is set in a real world with real people and real human cultures in it. unlike fantasy high or a crown of candy where everything is made up (even if rooted in real-world cultures), tuc is explicitly rooted in reality, and all of its diversity -- both the ups and downs that go with it. and especially set in new york of all places, one of the most densely, diversely populated cities on earth. the cast is 7 people; it’s great that those 7 people come from a variety of backgrounds and identities and all bring their own unique perspectives to the table, and it’s great that those people and the entire crew are generally conscious of themselves and desire to tell stories/represent perspectives ethically. but you simply cannot authentically represent every culture or every perspective in the world (or even just in a city) when your cast is 7 people. it’s an impossible task. this is inherent to the setting, and acknowledged by the cast, and by brennan especially, who has been on record saying how one of the exciting aspects of doing a campaign set in nyc is its diversity, the fact that no two new yorkers have the same perspective of new york. i think that’s a good thing -- but it does have its challenges too, clearly.

i’m not going to go into detail on the question of whether or not tuc’s presentation of asian and asian american culture is appropriative/offensive or not. first of all, i don’t feel like it’s 100% fair to judge the show completely yet, since it’s a prerecorded season and currently airing midseason, so i don’t yet know how things wrap up. secondly, i’m not asian or asian american. i can have my own opinions on that content in the show, but i think it’s worth more to hear actual asian and asian american voices on this specific aspect of the show. having an asian american cast member doesn’t automatically absolve the show of any criticisms with regard to asian american cultural representation/appropriation, whether those criticisms are made by dozens of viewers or only a handful of them. regardless, i don’t think it’s my place as someone who is not asian to speak with any authority on that issue, and i know for a fact that there are asian american viewers sharing their own opinions. their thoughts in this instance hold more water than mine, i think.

what i will comment on in more depth, though, is a personal frustration with tuc. i’m jewish; i’ve never really been shy about that fact on my page here. i’m not from new york, but i visit a few times a year (or i did before covid anyway, lol), and i have some family from nyc. nyc, to me, is a jewish city. and for good reason, since it’s home to one of the largest jewish populations of the country, and even the world, and aspects of jewish culture (including culinary, like bagels and pastrami, and linguistic, like the common use of yiddish words and phrases in english colloquial speech) are prevalent and celebrated among jews and goyim alike. when i think of nyc, i think of a jewish city; that’s not everybody’s new york, but that’s my new york, and thats plenty of other people’s new york too. so i do find myself slightly disappointed or frustrated in tuc for its, in my opinion, rather stark lack of jewish representation.

now, i’m not saying that one of the PCs should have been jewish, full stop. i love to headcanon iga as jewish even though canon does not support that interpretation, and i’m fine with that. she’s not my character. it’s possible that simply no one thought of playing a jewish character, i dunno. but also, and i can’t be sure about this, i’m willing to bet that none of the players really wanted to play a jewish character because they didn’t want to play a character of a marginalized culture they dont belong to in the interest of avoiding stereotyping or offensive representation/cultural appropriation. (i don’t know if any of the cast members are jewish, but i’m assuming not.) and the concern there is certainly appreciated; there’s not a ton of mainstream jewish rep out there, and often what we get is either “unlikeable overly conservative hassidic jew” or “jokes about their bar mitzvah/one-off joke about hanukkah and then their jewishness is never mentioned ever again,” which sucks. it would be really cool to see some more good casual jewish rep in a well-rounded, three-dimensional character in the main cast of a show! even if there are a couple of stumbles along the way -- nobody is perfect and no two jews have the same level of knowledge, dedication, and adherence to their culture.

but at the same time, i look at characters like iga and i really do long for a jewish character to be there. siobhan isn’t polish, yet she’s playing a characters whose identity as a polish immigrant to new york is very central to her story and arc. and part of me wonders why we can’t have the same for a jewish character. if not a PC, then why not an NPC? again, i’m jewish, and i am not native, but in my opinion i think the inclusion of jj is wonderful -- i think there are even fewer native main characters in mainstream media than there are jewish ones, and it’s great to see a native character who is both in touch with their culture as well as not being defined solely by their native-ness. to what extent does it count as ‘appropriative’ because brennan is a white dude? i dunno, but i’m like 99% sure they talked to sensitivity consultants to make sure the representation was as ethical as they could get it, and anyway, i can’t personally see and glaring missteps so far. but again, i’m not native, and if there are native viewers with their own opinions on jj, i’d be really interested in hearing them.

but getting back to the relative lack of jewish representation. it just...disappoints me that jewishness in new york is hardly ever even really mentioned? again, i know we’re only just over halfway through season 2, but also, we had a whole first season too. and it’s definitely not all bad. for example: willy! gd, i love willy so much. him being a golem of williamsburg makes me really really happy -- a jewish mythological creature animated from clay/mud (in this case bricks) to protect a jewish community (like that of williamsburg, a center for many of nyc’s jews) from threat. golem have so often been taken out of their original context and turned into evil monsters in fantasy settings, especially including dnd. (even within other seasons of d20! crush in fh being referred to as a “pavement golem” always rubbed me the wrong way, and i had hoped they’d learned better after tuc but in acoc they refer to another monster as a “corn golem” which just disappointed me all over again.) so the fact that tuc gets golems right makes my jewish heart very happy.

and yet...he doesn’t show up that much? sure, in s1, he’s very helpful when he does, but in s2 so far he shows up once and really does not say or do much of anything. he speaks with a lot more yiddish-influenced language than other characters, but if you didn’t know those words were specifically yiddish/jewish, you might not be able to otherwise clock the fact that willy is jewish. and while willy is a jewish mythological creature who is jewish in canon, he isn’t human. there are no other direct references to judaism, jewish characters, or jewish culture in the unsleeping city beyond him.

there are, in fact, two other canon jewish characters in tuc. but...here’s where i feel the most frustration, i think. the two canon jewish humans in tuc are stephen sondheim and robert moses. both of whom are real actual people, so it’s not like we can just pick and choose what their cultural backgrounds are. as much as i love stephen sondheim, i think there are inherent issues with including real world people as characters in a fictional setting, especially if they are from living/recent memory (sondheim is literally still alive), but anyway, sondheim and moses are both actual jewish people. from watching tuc alone you probably would not be able to guess that sondheim is jewish -- nothing from his character except name suggests it, and i wouldn’t even fault you for not thinking ‘sondheim’ is a jewish-sounding surname (and i dislike the idea/attitude/belief that you can tell who is or isn’t jewish by the sound of their name). and yeah, i’m not going to sit here and be like “brennan should have made sondheim more visibly jewish in canon!” because, like, he’s a real human being and it’s fucking weird to portray him in a way that isn’t as close to how he publicly presents himself, which is not in fact very identifiably jewish? i don’t know, this is what i mean by it’s inherently weird and arguably problematic to portray real living people as characters in a fictional setting, but i digress. sondheim’s jewish, even if you wouldn’t know it; not exactly a representation win.

and then there’s bob moses. you might be able to guess that he’s jewish from canon, actually. there’s the name, of course. but more insidious to me are the specifics of his villainy. greedy and powerhungry, a moneyman, a lich whose power is stored in a phylactery...it does kind of all add up to a Yikes from me. (in the stock market fight there’s a one-off line asking if he has green skin; it’s never really directly acknowledged or answered, but it made me really uncomfortable to hear at first and it’s stuck with me since viewing for the first time.) the issue for me here is that the most obviously jewish human character is the season’s bbeg, and his villainy is rooted in very antisemitic tropes and stereotypes.

i know this isn’t all brennan’s fault -- robert moses was a real ass person and he was in fact jewish, a powerhungry and greedy moneyman, a big giant racist asshole, etc. i’m not saying that jewish characters can’t be evil, and i’m not saying brennan should have tried to be like “this is my NPC robert christian he’s just like bob moses but instead he’s a goy so it’s okay” because...that would be fuckin weird bro. and bob moses was a real person who was jewish and really did do some heinous shit with his municipal power. i’m not necessarily saying brennan should have picked/created a different character to be the villain. i’m not even saying that he shouldn’t have made bob moses a lich (although, again, it doesn’t 100% sit right with me). but my point here is that bob moses is one of a grand total of three canon jewish characters in tuc, of which only two humans, of whom he is the one you’d most easily guess would be jewish and is the most influenced by antisemitic stereotypes/tropes. had there been more jewish representation in the show at all, even just some neutral jewish NPCs, this would not be as much of a problem as it is to me. but halfway through season 2, so far, this is literally all we get. and that bums me out.

listen, i really like tuc. i love d20. but the fact that it is set in a real world place with real world people does inherently raise challenges when it comes to ethical cultural representation. especially when the medium of the show is a game whose creatures, lore, and mechanics have been historically rooted in some questionable racial/cultural views. and dnd is making progress to correct some of those misguided views of older sourcebooks by updating them to more equitably reflect real world racial/cultural sensitivities; that’s a good thing! but these seasons, of course, were recorded before that. the game itself has some questionable cultural stuff baked into it, and that is (almost necessarily) going to be brought to the table in a campaign set in a real-world place filled with real-world people of diverse real-world cultures. the cast can have sensitivity consultants and empathy and the best intentions in the world, and they’ll still fuck up from time to time, that’s okay. your mileage may vary on whether or not it’s still worth sticking around with the show (or the fandom) through that. for me, it does not yet outweigh all the things i like about the show, and i’m gonna continue watching it. but it’s still very worth acknowledging that the cast is 7 people who cannot possibly hope to authentically or gracefully represent every culture in nyc. it’s an unfortunate limitation of the medium. yet it’s also still worthwhile to acknowledge and discuss the cultural representation as it is in the show -- both the goods and the bads, the ethically solid and the questionably appropriative -- and even to hold the creators accountable. (decently, though. i’m definitely not advocating anybody cyberbully brennan on twitter or whatever.) the show and its representation is far from perfect, but i also don’t think it ever could be. still, though, it could always be better, and there’s a worthwhile discussion to be had in the wheres, hows, and whys of that.

[wickedpact]

You can't just drop that "I read Forces Multiplied" bomb on us and not give a ten page written reaction.

[cracks knuckles] if u insist

nicky cant drive hc: destroyed. rip. also i loved how andy and nile stole those sports cars and were being badass and driving off the bridge & meanwhile joe and nicky were just absolutely vibing in the van

'heres the thing about power: people who have it think they deserve it' [shot of police car] i see u greg

5 whole panels being dedicated to booker not being able to unlock his door. booker not even seeing noriko sitting RIGHT THERE in the window at first. incredible

noriko being 24/7 horny was surprising. like wow all of the stuff i saw she did out of context was 100% equally horny in context as it was out of context. love that for her

i didnt think the 'andy + slavery' thing was handled as badly as everyone made it out to be when telling me about it. tho from the way it was talked about i had kind of figured the conflict between andy and nile re: slavery would be really racially charged (esp considering nile is a black american and would obvs have Thoughts on the subject in that regard) but like,, done in a cringey 'a-white-guy-obviously-wrote-it' kind of way? but it wasnt that. i mean. it makes sense that andy would be implicit in slavery through the years

i mean, like she says, is that not what people just did to each other in the aftermath of battles for thousands of years? and i really like how its pointed out that it was what she was raised with (in the beginning when you see her put shackles on that guy after the battle) but she also accepts responsibility for it and acknowledges that it was wrong and not just 'what people did'.

i like how from her expressions you can kind of tell baby andy knew it was off but she sets those feelings aside bc she felt angry. it explains how she felt but didnt make her out to be blameless in it. plus i mean. i dont know, the fact that andy was involved in a lot of morally shady stuff for 7000 years is not that wild for me. if you live that long youre just Going to be involved in some shit, and she didnt even have other immortals with her as positive community influences, she literally just did whatever the fuck she wanted for thousands of years

'i was worshipped as a god once' i mean, yeah no shit she wouldve been involved in some seriously fucked up stuff, gods were fucking scary back in the day

tldr it could use some polish but it wasnt that bad

tho everything people said about moose being boring was unfortunately a little true. sorry king i tried to be interested in you

joe and nicky writing verbal fanfiction about nile and moose was iconic. 'you seeing that?' 'i am definitely seeing that'

it was also extremely funny bc that was like 60% of their contribution to the whole comic, besides kidnapping copley. they came, they wrote some fanfic, they left. kings. at least in tog1 they had an excuse to be useless bc they got kidnapped

joe just found out his old friend who he thought was dead is alive (and also probably wants to murder them) and instead of investigating with andy he stopped to help nile up. champ.

nicky shooting noriko through andy was cool. rip to the concept since it wont happen in tog2

wanna see mr ejiofor deliver this line

on that note imo copley was. weirdly enough, more interesting in fm than in tog1. to me at least. the fact that andy let him live and he was so haunted by what had happened that he came back and sought them out despite knowing they would likely kill him for it bc he wanted to not only make up for what hed done but also to tell them what theyd done for the world was admittedly more interesting than andy just kind of drafting him to the cause and him going 'okie'

i like how nicky was drawn in this one. in opening fire he looks like a blob man but in fm he looks more like a very nice grampa with a very good dye job

'theres no pain like a broken heart' andy 🥺

noriko implying andy's never drowned. .. .idk about that one, she musta drowned sometime

joe and nicky came, they waxed poetic about nile's love life, they waxed poetic about grog, and then they left.

sports bras being a reason humanity is good. i mean..... okay, yeah.

i mean. wild but you cant exactly tell her shes wrong

i liked how noriko telling andy that their purpose is to make people suffer coincides with joe and nicky finding out that they actually did good all those years

joenicky in opening fire: jail for booker jail for booker for 100 years

joenicky when copley tells them he knows where booker is: WE'LL KILL YOU WHERE IS HE

joenicky when copley comes back: if your vibes come off as even remotely rancid we Will destroy you

joenicky 2 minutes later when copley helped them find booker: he made up some ground :)))) <3 lov you j cops

theyre forgiving af

moose: how old are you?? a hundred??? a thousand???

nile [vine voice]: I M 2 7 ?

alright andy you got me there

joe texts like my aunt

i dont know why noriko drowning andy in that car tickled me. Bad And Naughty Andromaches Get Put In The Pear Wiggler To Atone For Their Crimes.

the drowning sequence was cool

copley trying to talk to andy while she was like o_o at him was great

ive hit the picture limit but id seen that panel where nicky goes 'forgive me' as he kills a guy out of context and it was HILARIOUSLY anticlimactic for me to discover that there was literally no context to it. nicky just apologizes to random people he kills. i thought that guy was someone he knew or something. nope its just Some Guy that nicky didnt know from adam

nile's complaint that andy was especially brutal to the guys on the boat... i mean. . , how exactly does one kill a man with an axe and not be brutal about it?

it was funny how noriko kissed andy and the only people who seemed surprised by that were nile and also andy

nicky and joe's complete non-reaction to finding out noriko is alive And Evil Now is endlesly funny. they just left her on that boat and neither cared. i get book and nile not caring but joe and nicky knew her, and they just have 0 input on the subject of what to do with her

pinstripe suit guy!

joe and nicky and booker packing up and leaving with nile

andy blowing up at nile was A Moment tho

i dont know, i get why people didnt like the ending but its. .. . it makes more sense in the comicverse. bc the squad doesnt really. .. interact outside of jobs? i mean, think of the moon landing story in ttt. that was booker and joe and nicky doing a job and andy only showed up a for a couple minutes after it was done. or the brunch in the first issue of opening fire. the squad arent as tight in the comic, and andy often seems to do her own thing outside of work, so andy saying 'i dont want to do work anymore' and the squad being like 'alright bye then' makes more sense in this universe than the movie one

also i feel like greg was Trying to set up a thing where nile becomes the Leader of The Squad after andy dies but like. its not very well done since. . . i mean, nile hasnt spoken to booker since opening fire, (and she only knew him A Day). and shes known joe and nicky all that time, but there isnt really anything that indicates that they have any relationship at all, much less one that's grown. in all the comicverse the only time nile and nicky speak is in FM, and in that scene nicky tells nile about noriko. nile goes from someone who needs to be set aside to have background knowledge explained to her to being the Leader of the group with nothing in between. it kind of... comes out of nowhere.

on the other hand tho... i felt really bad for andy thru the whole thing. well, i always felt bad for andy, but in this one she seemed so miserable, especially since it really felt like none of the others actually.... cared about her. when noriko came back no one asked andy how she was doing (big question ik, but it wouldve showed they cared at least), nobody ever expressed any concern for her, no one even really seemed to want to be around her. in opening fire everyone was more distant than in the movie of course, but there were little moments where she would joke with joe, or nicky would try and comfort her, or stuff like that, but in FM it really felt like they just didnt really care about her. & in opening fire it felt a lot like andy's relationship with nile breathed some new life into her, but in FM it felt like all they did was argue. i get theyre not *as* close in the comics but it really felt like the only person who cared about andy at all was noriko (which was probably also how andy felt) but it just seemed to come out of nowhere. honestly i was reading and i was honestly agreeing with andy that she might just be better off if she did just die. opening fire, on the other hand, never make me feel that way

tho everyone made it sound like when the squad split up it was one of those cursed 'the found family leaves each other at the end of the journey' tropes. but guys i mean,,, this is the second installment out of three. that isnt the End. theyll come back in the third one and Dramatically Reunite to fight some baddies (probably those 'others' noriko mentioned). im guessing yitzhak fits into that too somehow.

anyways it wasnt That Bad but it made me kind of sad and the only Sweet Found Family vibes in it were when they saved booker. also they shouldve beefed up that nilemoose romance, it underwhelmed me. 6.5/10

i also ABSOLUTELY understand all of greg's comments about how you couldnt make FM directly into a movie, he always said that it had no plot and. i get it now. it really didnt have a plot sdfghjkl

[calehenituseappreciation]

i hc wilbur made tommy president because he planned to go and press the button while tommy spoke and kill him along with himself

wilbur wanted end all his unfinished symphonies and as the person who raised tommy- he raised him like he raised l'manberg. he doesnt care for fundy- not since he denounced him- so he wanted to end him :)

i need a fic where tommy is the one who goes to stop wilbur and wilbur fucking stabs him before pressing the button saying "it was never meant to be" tommy loses both first and last lives to that phrase

tommys last words are it was always meant to be fucking wilbur survives the explosion and has no one to kill him and now he has to live with the consqunces tommy becomes toast- short for ghost tommy i refuse to write so many letters each time- and immeditly looks for his older brothers and he finds wilbur first :) wilbur is exiled for his crimes and also out of fear- they tried to rehabilate him! they really did but then he freaked out over seeing toast... in a bad way.... and he and toast burned georges house on toast suggest (maybe we should burn something! that always helps me calm down!) this is after wilbur is trusted enough to be not... in a prison... after phil convinced them he needs help and toast tries his best ok- (WHO LEFT WILBUR WITH TOAST!) (I THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME! I WAS ONLY LEAVING FOR FIVE MINUTES! AND RANBOO WAS THERE TOO!) and toast tries to go with but everyone is like "yeah no" and toast is like "whhhhyyy i just wanna stay with wilby!" and everytime anyone tries to tell tommy about the wrongs that have happened to him he screams and clutches his head in pain and everytime he comes back he doesnt remember the convo toast,,, is the most BABY toast calls everyone cutesy nicknames unironcially he calls eret rere toast, chriping happily: TECHIE!!!! tubbo: TOMMY STAY AWAY FROM HIM! toast, in a very lost and confused voice: why? techno, freaking out: tommy? toast: hi!!!!!!! im toast!!!!!! :D techno: lowkey ab to cry toast: NOOOOOOOO DUN CRI! toast: there there techie... i know what will help! tubbo, sighing: arson? toast: ARSON! phil comes just in time to find tommys dead body and l'manberg gone hes not around for the withers neither hes there just to see the crater and wilbur in chains with blood on his hands trying to off himself phil will forever blame himself for not making it in time :> dream: taking wilbur away in boat toast, floating behind the boat: o^o dream do you have any games on your phone .///^///. looks at exileinnit hmmm spins roulette wheel who should i hurt... i picked d all of the above they dont let toast go with him but because he is baby and you can't tell him what to do tubbo: sighs finally now that the exiles done toast can you- tubbo: looks up tubbo: GOADDAMN IT

toast is promptly kidnapped back to l'manberg the next day toast keeps going back tho and no one understands why- he literally killed him! why does he keep wanting to go back! (toasts unfinished buisness keeping him tied was helping wilbur and l'manberg- he loved wilbur even at his worst)

toast vibes around everyone but he stays with wilbur- where ever wilbur goes is where he builds his home

its shitty but its an 'ome Toast, teary eyed: Dad? Why does everyone hate Wilby? Why can't I be with him... Phil, with no idea what to do: niki bakes cakes with niki whenever hes in l'manberg he keeps accidently setting her bakery on fire but hes sMOL AND GIGGLES A LOT AND HE HAS FLOUR ON HE GODDAMN SELF toast is a part of mexican l'manberg i dont make the rules mexican dream: AYYYYYYYYY HOMIE toast, giggling: 'OMIE!!!!!

Toast is wholesome while everyone is literally willing to murder Wilbur while also trying to stop him from khs toast is just a very happy lovely child and cries whenever anyone is mean to 'his big brother wilby!' and so they all constantly glare daggers over toasts shoulder wherenever he cant see em meanwhile Phil is just dying inside because Tommy is a ghost by Wilbur's hands and Wilbur keeps trying to commit suicide and oh god what is he supposed to do- he simply avoids this struggle by avoiding them toast, waddling up to philza: papa do you have any games on your phone? all im saying is that tommy called phil papa before changing to dad or fathercraft phil,in the tired parent voice: tommy please sit down- just for five minutes- at least for 5 minutes toast: sits down and then proceeds to struggle to continue to sit but he must because dad told him to toast is just ADHD incarnate wilbur, trying to end himself: im gonna escape my consequences toast: HI!!!!! :D wilbur: FUCK ITS MY CONSEQUENCES toast,,,, is so baby Wilbur is just not allowed to have anything remotely sharp i like how theres so much angst and im just hyper focusing on ba yby dream uses toast the same way he uses ghostbur! :D toast doesnt realize of course even after wilbur tells him dream is bad but he keeps forgetting!!! Everyone: da baby Dream: how can I profit from this oh dream is manipulating wilbur btw wilbur: suffering toast: i made you a card toast trusts eret wholeheartedly and this hurts eret because she knows if toast remembered he probably wouldnt- they wanted redemption but not like this- not because of death Toast: you look cool Toast: you are friend now Eret: sobs I don't deserve this Toast: what did I do wrong Toast: how can I help friend!!!!! Eret: sobbing more toast looks at everyone says "ah! friend shaped!" if ur wondering wheres the angst toast is the angst- toast is just tommy without any bad memories and hes so different they thought he was happy before they thought he was fine tommy was hurt too but since he internalized it no one cared toast sees wilbur being sad and goes! i know what will help! n-not arson tho people dont like arson when you do it.... BUT ITS OKAY! I BROUGHT A FRIEND! shows friend, the sheep and wilbur just fucking sobs Toast is wholesome chaotic in a perfect mix- toast is tommy but without the 'asshole on purpose as a self defense mechanism" someone mentioned something about Tommy masking insecurities once Toast doesn't remember. and he's fine with that he doesn't have any insecurities toast hurts because in retrospect toast, meeting bad: WOAAAAAAH! YOU LOOK SO FUCKING COOL! bad: LANGUAGE! toast, cringing back, looking at the ground: ..sorry :( bad: ...you can swear toast: :D bad: once toast hasnt sworn since "hes saving it for special occasions" sometimes he accidently swears and immedtly gasps and looks at bad and bad just sighs and is like "its okay it was an accident" bad never would have thought itd take letting tommy swear for him to stop huh... its almost like... hes a child.... and the negetive reienforcement.... was doing more harm then good.... toast: exists in an amount of happiness no one has ever seen him in before everyone: pain how much pain was tommy in before? they thought tommy was happy- was... was he not happy? he's so unabashedly joyful and energetic looking back they can see how forced every laugh felt, every smile- He's not afraid to just talk to people, make new friends he became so much more cautious after Eret, had it really effected him that badly? He's open. He never lies about how he's feeling, never brushes anything away how much was Tommy hiding, how much pain, how much fear- It's chilling. bone chilling. There's no way to fix what's been lost. No way to apologize to who Tommy used to be, to try and make it better. None of them every bothered to see him as anything more than a nuisance, an annoying child or cannon fodder and they'll regret it for the rest of their lives everyone: having a mental crisis toast: GUYYYYSS!! I MADE ANOTHER FRIEND!!!

"Wilby?" Wilbur heard Tommys voice say in an innocent tone.

Was he hearing things? Tommy's dead. He killed him himself.

"Wilby why are you in prison?" The image of his little brother asked, "Did you commit arson without me?" it asked in a pout.

"TOMMY!" Tubbo yelled running into the cell where Wilbur was kept, going through the bars with ease, "Tommy get away from him!"

"But 'ubbo!!!! Wilby is 'ere!!!!" Tommy (?) said with a smile Wilbur hadn't seen since Tommy was a child.

"Tommy, I understand you don't remember anything right now but you need to come back over here!" Tubbo demanded and Tommy flinched

Wilbur was struck with the sudden realization that this isn't just his mind- no no it can't be- but Tubbo acknowledged him he has to- Wilbur reached his locked hands towards Tommy only for him to pass through him. What? No no it was just his imagination that makes sense.

"Oh sorry Wil! I'm kinda dead! I don't remember how i died... but i think im a ghostie!" Tommy said plainly, floating off the floor. Wilbur looked at him in confusion. Whats happening?

the first time toast sees the crater toast srceams in intense amount of pain- its so loud you can hear it all over the smp- and just dissapears for a few days before reappearing with no memories of what happened toast saying things tommy thought but never said- he calls eret "big brother" and eret fucking d i e s toast cals all the l'manbergians older siblings He's far too honest for anyone to handle tommy was always honest too but he learned from experince that honesty only lead to hurt Tommy was like an enderchest, you could never see beyond the exterior, everything inside was exclusive to him and him alone Toast is like when someone dies and all their fuckin items explode onto the ground. you just see everything and most of it was  pain and everyone feels bad because they thought he was the only one uneffected that nothing had ever put a damper on his happiness and energetic smile- at what point had that smile became fake? also for angst reasons the last memory toast has is before the elections toast has uwu boy vibes but more chaotic toast goes to dream smp from logstedshire purely for sam nook toast starts making his hotel since he sees nobody has a home (including dream LMAO) (and he wants to make a safe place since everyone keeps saying something about war) and wants to make one and asks sam for help since apparently hes good at building and sam lets him pay after he finishs the hotel and sam nook is there since day one because i dont think i could handle a world without sam nook toast: biting everyone tubbo: wHY DO YOU DO THAT?????? toast: once techie bit all the cupcakes and then said it was his cuz he bit it so im biting everyone to show their mine!!!!! tubbo: i- tubbo: i am both flattered and disgusted everyone, remembering how tommy used to bite everyone upon meeting and then everyone would get mad at him and yell at him until he stopped biting people on meeting: sadly whips and nae naes hes a BABY toast deserves the fucking world also i havent talked ab it but there is wilbur and fundy angst here fundy confronts wilbur also not that fundy is angry about not not not getting murdered by his father but also why does he consider tommy his unfinished sympohny and not him? he raised fundy too- maybe he just only ever loved tommy (based off his insecurity of how close wilbur and tommy are based off wilbur raising tommy and wilbur only being there for fundy by the time he was older and also using hybrid age go nyoom for this dream manipulates toast during wilburs exile along with wilbur and toast realizes both of them were being used by him and fucking screams lourder than he ever has before and dissapears for a week and then shows up at technos house (he got lost and he didnt know why he was at logsted shire- he doesnt remember the place) on the day of the excution and tries to help technoblade but keeps forgetting that everyone is trying to kill techno the butcher army is hesitant when "hey why are you all attacking big brother Techy-" "HE SPAWNED WITHERS IN L'MANBERG!" "he did?" toast asked tilting his head in confusion "YES! HE DID! AFTER YOU DIED! NOW WHERE IS HE TOAST! WE NEED TO CAPTURE HIM!" whenever tubbo talks ab how theyre planning on excuting techno or how there was no trial toast has flashbacks to tubbos excution but hes never able to hold on to the memories just leaving him feeling bad toast sees anything traumatic and just makes the blue screen noise toast has to reboot every time anything truamatic happens and when he does he doesnt remember what happens after

toast hurts on a "THE FUCKING IMPLICATIONS OF THIS" level just.. everyone trying to make up for not noticing tommys hurt and trying to be good to toast when its already too late... far too late glatt is also here because whenever ytoast dissapears after something trauamtic he bounces back to the land of the dead for the bit and sometimes he drags glatt out to the land of the living with him only works bc toast has unfinished buisness so he can freely go between and just stays in the land of the lving until he can finish his unfiinshed buisness ghostbur and toast wouldve been good friends if they ever met anyone yells at toast and he immeditly starts sobbing

basically when everything is calm and peaceful and everyone is happy together after dream is in prison and toast is like "oh... this is what ive always wanted"

"toast?" tubbo asked, confused toast smiled softly, "i think its time for me to go" "what?" wilbur asked his pitch unusually high due to the fear lacing his voice "i think... i think this was my unfinished buisness... this is the last thing i wanted when i was alive, the reason i stayed... i think its finally my time to go now" toast said smiling tearfully "no! you vcan't go! we just got you back!"

basically when everything is finally ok, when things finally calm down toast fades back to the void/afterlife thing

[css1992]

could u do more high school au's pls? I was thinking maybe rich popular peter who seems untouchable and then grungy tony who just doesnt care for appearances and hes been pining after peter his whole school life

+

could u make it so that tony is rich and everyone knows it but he just doesn't care about his money and doesnt act rich so it's one of those things that u know but dont acknowledge. also if tony's daddy issues made an appearance id be so happy ty.

I’m so sorry for the delay, but I really do hope this scratches your itch! 

***

He had that sort of beauty that almost hurt to look at. So pure and soft. Pink cheeks, small eyes that squinted when he laughed – which was often –; brown, wavy hair, so shiny and silky-looking; thin, pink lips, always stretched in a smile. He had the most beautiful smile Tony had ever seen, too. Honest and wide, happy.

He was never alone. Of course he wasn’t. He was too magnetic, there were always people drawn to his light, following him around, laughing at his jokes, making him laugh in return. Everyone seemed to want a piece of him, a scrap of his attention. And he, being the lovely human being that he was, made room for anyone who wished to bask in his light.

Jocks liked him. Peter was great at team sports, he was light on his feet and good with his hands. He wasn’t in any teams, though, claimed he didn’t have the time, but he was always picked first in P.E. group activities. Tony knew, watched him at practice way too often – from a distance, of course, as he did his stretches and sit-ups with Rhodes.

Nerds liked him, too. He was really smart, an asset to the Decathlon team, and was always willing to help anyone having trouble in class. Even the weirdos from drama club, glee club and the school band loved him – he never made fun of them, on the contrary, he was always very vocal about how talented they were and how he wished he could be a part of their clubs, too.

Girls swooned at him. He was kind and sweet, a good listener, and gorgeous. Guys weren’t immune to his charms, either. The ones Tony knew for a fact that were gay or bi didn’t even try to pretend they didn’t watch him when he walked down the halls, but even supposedly straight guys, like Steve Rogers, sneaked a peek now and then, face flushed, if he was wearing specially tight jeans.

Tony was jealous of all those people, but he learned to deal with it. He’d been, well, admiring him from a distance for years. He was used to seeing people make passes at him, ask him out. Peter was discreet, though. If he ever dated anyone, nobody ever heard anything about it. He was a mystery, Tony wasn’t even sure if he was gay, straight, bi or whatever – there were rumors that he had made out with Wade Wilson in freshman year, but neither of them confirmed or denied it. Tony hated the guy anyway.

“If you keep staring, people are gonna know you’re in love and not actually dead inside,” Rhodey spoke up right next to him, taking a huge bite of his tuna sandwich. Tony averted his gaze from Peter’s table for a minute and looked at his friend, annoyed. “It’s gonna ruin your whole aesthetic.”

“Very funny,” He rolled his eyes and looked back at Peter. There were so many people around him he could barely catch a glimpse of his smile, which was annoying.

His dad’s company, Parker Innovations, had just released a new phone a few weeks earlier, it was ridiculous how many people thought they could get one for free if they kissed his ass hard enough. At least Tony didn’t have to endure that kind of nonsense anymore. People in that school learned very early on that even though he was related to Howard Stark, he wanted nothing to do with the guy – or his company, or his money. They also learned sucking up to him did nothing but annoy him, so they kind of just forgot he existed over time and he blended right in with everyone else – a blessing in its own right.

“Rhodey is right, you’re drooling, it’s a little embarrassing,” Natasha looked at him with boredom as she nibbled on her fries. “You should just ask him out, you’ve been pining for ages.”

“I’m not pining,” he huffed, irritated, and the redhead smirked, raising a perfectly manicured brow.

“Right, yearning might be more accurate. Bruce?” She glanced at their other friend who scratched his chin, pretending to think about it.

“I think obsessing sounds more like it. Rhodey?”  

“Fuck you guys,” he barked before they could keep the game going, and all three laughed at him. Someone got up from Peter’s table and he caught a glimpse of his beautiful face, their eyes made contact for half a second and Tony looked away.

“No, but seriously, Tones. Just go talk to him, he’s a great guy, I’m sure he wouldn’t be an ass about it.” Bruce adjusted his glasses and said that like it was simple. Like he would have the guts to do it if he was in Tony’s position – he wouldn’t, he’d pined for Thor, an exchange student, for a year, and never worked up the courage to ask him out. The guy went back to Norway or whatever and Bruce never even said hi to him.

“I know, of course he wouldn’t, but I don’t wanna be one of those people begging for his attention, just look at that.” He pointed at the little crowd around him, people were almost literally fighting for his attention, the poor guy could barely finish his lunch. “It’s ridiculous.”

“Yeah, but you’re not them,” Natasha said that like it was the most obvious thing in the world and Tony frowned.

“How am I different?”

“You’re a certified genius, you and him have similar interests and you look hot in a ‘I’m gonna fuck  you raw in the back of my car’ kinda way. I don’t know, maybe he’s into that.” The redhead shrugged, again, saying all that like it was obvious and an unquestionable truth.

“Yeah, right, sounds just like him,” Tony scoffed.

Peter was perfect in so many ways – perfect face, perfect body, perfect grades, Tony was sure he pooped out candy or something – of course he wouldn’t go for a guy like him. He had a bad reputation, he was in detention more often than not and people in general considered him an asshole – all because he didn’t partake in their little games of social climbing or whatever. No, Peter wouldn’t go for his grungy ass. He’d probably go for all American, apple pie, boy-next-door Steve Rogers.

“No, she’s right, I’ve seen him looking at you several times.” Bruce pointed out, not for the first time, and Tony scoffed.

“Oh, yeah? When?”

“AP chemistry class. I’m his lab partner, remember?” How could Tony forget? As Mr. Erskine called out their names, Tony prayed to a God he didn’t even believe in that he’d be paired up with Peter, but no such luck. “He stares at you whenever he has a chance or an excuse. You know, when you blow things up, for example.”

“Yeah, which is why he must stare, he must be afraid for his life.” Tony hated to admit that he was way more prone to causing explosive accidents when Peter was in the room. It was fucking embarrassing.

He sighed, drinking the last of his coke. No matter what his friends said, he knew he didn’t stand a chance with Peter. He was… Untouchable. He was too good for him, Tony wasn’t even sure he’d want to taint him if he had a chance –  no, scratch that, he definitely would.

He chose to watch him from afar, allowing himself a few fantasies and daydreams. He had this really stupid and lame one, where he walked up to Peter in the hall, people just parted to let him through, then he gave him his trademark, lopsided grin and asked him out. Peter smiled brightly up at him, holding his books to his chest, cheeks flushed, eyelashes fluttering as he whispered a shy “yes” and leaned up to kiss him. Yeah. That was the whole fantasy.

Peter was so untouchable to him that he didn’t even dare to dream further than that. Of course when he was alone in his room, late at night, relieving himself, a few… less pure fantasies popped up unsolicited, but he felt so guilty then, dirty even, like he was disrespecting him somehow. It was all very confusing, but he still came, shamefully, to the thought of his beautiful face scrunched up in pleasure as dream-Tony fucked him.

The bell rang and everyone hurried to get to their next period, Peter was no different, he gathered his things and stood up, looking around the cafeteria like he was looking for someone. Their eyes met again for a second, but Tony quickly looked away, grabbing his backpack in a hurry to leave.

It was Thursday, the worst day of the week for him, none of his friends were free to hang out with him until later, so he either had to head home and deal with Howard or he had to find somewhere to be for a couple of hours, until Rhodey was done with football practice so they could go to his place. That day, Tony decided to just stay by his car, smoking a cigarette and singing along to Black Sabath’s Iron Man, it wasn’t like he had anywhere to go. He was so distracted watching the smoke dissipate into thin air that he didn’t notice when someone approached, and jumped almost a foot in the air when they spoke.

“Aren’t you afraid of getting caught smoking on school grounds?” Tony almost dropped dead when he registered the angelic voice. He was already having a heart attack as it was, but the boy was so close and he had that beautiful smile in place, blushing cheeks and all. It took almost a full minute for him to calm himself down.  

“I won’t tell if you don’t.” The older teen answered when he finally found his voice and got his breath under control enough not to make a fool of himself. Peter smiled wider, biting his lower lip.

“Your secret is safe with me.” He fake whispered, leaning a little into the older boy’s space and he almost choked on nothing. Peter’s smell was inebriating, expensive and sweet, but not overly so – perfect. He recomposed himself quickly, though, and nodded, but didn’t say anything else. He wasn’t sure why Peter was talking to him and, frankly, he was too fucking nervous to think of anything cool to say. The younger teen deflated a little faced with Tony’s silence; he looked around, seeming a little lost. “You’re Tony, right?”

Fuck, the way he said his name. His name. It was fucking music to his ears, the most beautiful tune. But how did he even know his name? Sure, he was Tony Stark, so not really anonymous, but people often forgot about it.

“Yeah. And you’re Peter.” Tony didn’t play games, he didn’t even try to pretend like he didn’t know who Peter was. It would be dumb anyway, everybody knew him. The other boy nodded shyly, it looked like he wanted to say something else, but he kept biting his lips and looking around nervously. Tony frowned. “Is everything okay?”

“No. I mean, yeah, sure, it’s fine, it’s just, uhm. I have a flat tire and the wheel bolts are really tight and I couldn’t get them off, so I thought – I mean, could you, uh –“ He gestured wildly as he stuttered out his answer, looking in the general direction of his flashy, cherry red sports car. “I mean, it’s okay if you’re busy, but I –“

“Sure, I’ll help, don’t worry.” Tony threw his cigarette butt on the ground and stepped on it. He was a little more at ease now that he knew why Peter was talking to him – he just needed help – and the best thing was, Tony was really good with cars. Of course, one didn’t need to have a PhD in mechanics to change a tire, but it still made him feel really good that he would be able to help properly.

“Thanks, you’re a life saver.” The chirpy attitude was back, as well as the smile, it made Tony’s heart flutter. He nodded sharply, looking away from his face, and gestured for Peter to lead the way.

When they reached his car, Tony whistled lowly, crouching down to look at the completely flat tire, as he tried to find the source of the problem. He was surprised to notice a two-inch cut on the surface of it, and it didn’t seem accidental.

“Fuck, Peter, it looks like someone sliced your tire.” When he looked up at the younger boy, he didn’t look surprised, but nervous. It was an odd reaction. Tony wondered if Peter already knew that – maybe he knew who did it and was scared of them? It made Tony’s blood boil. Why would anyone do that to Peter?

“Wh-what? How do you know that?” He bit his lower lip nervously, scratching his arm, and Tony frowned, worried.

“Here, look.” He gestured for Peter to crouch down next to him and pointed at the cut. “This is clearly a stab mark. Judging by the size and shape of it, I’d say this was probably done with a pocketknife.”

“Oh. Yeah, of course. Clearly.” He face-palmed, like he felt stupid, maybe for not seeing it before, but Tony still worried.

“If you want, I could go with you to the administration. We can ask them to check the security cameras. I think that one might have caught whoever did this.” He pointed at a security camera nearby, Tony knew where all of them were in the parking lot area – he’d been caught smoking way too many times not to know.

“What? There are –? I mean, look, it’s okay, it’s probably just someone trying to play a prank, it’s no big deal, it’s fine.” He stood up quickly, shaking his head, and Tony was positive he felt threatened somehow, he was acting so weird.

“If you’re sure… But if you change your mind, I’ll go with you, ok?” Tony stood up and took off his leather jacket. The weather was nice, just a bit chilly, so he was wearing a thin, white t-shirt with short sleeves underneath. He thought he heard Peter’s breath hitch for a second, but it was probably just his imagination. “Can you hold this for me?” He held out his jacket and the boy blushed, blinking rapidly.

“S-sure.”

Tony bit his bottom lip to refrain from asking, again, if everything was fine. Peter looked so freaking nervous, he was even sweating a little at the temples. Tony was positive he knew who did that to his car, but didn’t want to tell him for some reason. Maybe he wanted to protect whoever did it, maybe it was a boyfriend, or an ex. He gritted his teeth, hands closing in fists, but didn’t say anything, just crouched down and got to work.

The first bolt came off easily, it wasn’t tight at all, so he thought maybe Peter had already loosened it when he tried earlier. The second and third ones came off just as easily, though, only the fourth one was a little trickier, but nothing the younger teen couldn’t have handled himself. Tony thought maybe he hadn’t tried too hard, maybe he was afraid the person who did that would show up or something. He was so glad he was there to help, he wondered if Peter felt safe with him around, and the thought made him feel oddly proud and protective of him.

He made quick work of changing the tires, making sure not to screw the bolts too tight, then put the sliced one in the trunk of the car. When he turned around to look at Peter, he was looking intently at him, almost hypnotized, holding his jacket close to his chest like it was a puppy.

“All done.” Tony smiled and the boy seemed to snap out of a trance.

“Oh, thank you so much, really, you’re too kind.” He smiled broadly and the older teen scratched the back of his neck sheepishly.

“Don’t mention it.” They were silent for a few seconds after that, but Peter kept holding his jacket and didn’t make any move to give it back to him. “Uhm, could I–?” He gestured towards the jacket and again the boy jumped up in surprise.

“Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, here.” He handed it to him and quickly crossed his empty arms over his chest. “So, uhm,… Your dad is having a gala this weekend, right? Are you gonna be there?” Ah, so Peter did know who he was, not just his first name. The older teen leaned against the car and stuck his hands in his pockets, shrugging.

“Not if I can help it.” He smirked, trying to act cool, but now that he didn’t have anything to do with his hands, he was growing nervous.

“Oh,” Peter looked… disappointed? He dropped his gaze to the floor, shuffling his feet, and Tony stood up straight, frowning.

“Why?”

“Nothing, it’s just – my parents are going, so I thought I’d tag along to, you know... but it’s okay.” He kicked an imaginary rock and avoided Tony’s eyes. The older teen stared at him with wide eyes, heart beating fast – what was the end of that sentence? Peter couldn’t possibly mean–

“I don’t – what, you’d go to, like, hang out with me or something?” He felt stupid when he stumbled on the words, but Peter didn’t seem to notice, his cheeks were burning red and he was looking anywhere else but at Tony.

“I mean, you must have much better things to do, of course, I was just –” He chuckled nervously, scratching the back of his head, finally looking up at Tony. “Sorry, just forget about it, I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“No, wait!” He rushed to interrupt him and Peter looked back at him with huge, Bambi eyes. Tony coughed awkwardly, blushing a little. “I mean, like, uhm… If you – would you wanna go as my date? To the gala?” He blurted out, finally, because what the hell. The worst that could happen was Peter say no, and he could deal with it. He would survive, for sure. It wouldn’t be a big deal. Really. It wouldn’t.

But he didn’t say no, he smiled broadly, eyes twinkling in excitement.

“I’d love to!” He answered quickly, and Tony’s heart fluttered, Peter looked genuinely happy.  “Could you – uhm, text me what color of tie you’ll be wearing? If you want! I understand if you think it’s lame, but I thought–”

“No, it’s fine.” His heart was beating so loud, Peter Fucking Parker wanted to coordinate ties with him, it was fucking corny and cliché and he loved it. “Uhm, here, give me your number.” He fished his phone from his back pocket and gave it to the younger teen.

“Cool.” Peter typed in his number and as soon as he gave his phone back, Tony sent him a smiley face so he would have his number, too. “Cool, cool, cool...” He rocked on the balls of his feet and looked around, like he was looking for something else to say.

“So… Do you have to be home soon or…?” Tony stuck his hands in his pockets again, wondering if maybe he was pushing his luck, but Peter shook his head quickly.

“Not really, no, my parents don’t really mind what time I get home as long as I let them know. You?”

“They don’t really care.” He shrugged, taking one step closer to Peter. “So… are you hungry, by any chance?”

“I’m starving.” He nodded, looking up at Tony in anticipation. It drove the butterflies in his stomach crazy.

“I know a place where they serve great burgers. We could go in my car and I could drop you off here on our way back, I’m just a little worried someone is gonna try to fuck up your car again. I mean, what if they’re targeting you or something?” Just the mention of what happened earlier made Peter nervous. He stuck his hands in the pockets of his bomber jacket and shook his head.

“Oh, don’t worry about it, I’m sure it’s fine.” He didn’t look worried, though, at least not anymore.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, trust me, I am.” Tony found the sudden change odd, but thought maybe he was just trying to play it cool, so he let it go.  

“Okay, then, c’mon, my car is right there,” Tony gestured to his car and Peter smiled, taking his hands off his pockets. When he did, though, something slipped out and fell to the ground with a metallic noise. Tony quickly crouched down to get it for him, when he noticed what it was. “Wh – is that…?” He frowned, examining the pocketknife as if it was alien material. He was confused at first, because Peter didn’t seem like the kind of guy to carry one around, but then it dawned on him. When he looked at the younger teen, his face was so red it looked like he was about to explode.

“Uhm… If I told you I’ve never seen this before in my life would you believe it?” He chuckled nervously, scratching his arm, as Tony stood up. The older teen raised a brow at him.”Sorry, I just – I wanted an excuse to talk to you.” He said quietly, dropping his gaze.

“You know, you could have gone with the weather or whatever.” Tony answered, amused, and it made the younger boy look up at him.

“You’re just very intimidating,” He looked at him with huge, scared eyes, and Tony cocked his head to the side.

“Me?” He raised a brow.

“Yeah.” Peter answered pointedly, and Tony smirked, offering him his knife back.

“You do realize you just sliced your own tire so you’d have an excuse to talk to me, right? And I’m intimidating?” He joked, but Peter didn’t seem to find it funny. He winced and covered his face with his hands, clearly embarrassed.

“You must think I’m such a freak,” He groaned, voice muffled by his palms.

“Hey, hey, yes, I do think you’re a freak.” He grabbed Peter’s thin wrists and marveled at how perfectly they fit in his hands. He definitely saved that thought for later. “But you’re a really cute one.” He grinned and Peter chuckled, a delicate flush rising onto his cheeks.

“I feel stupid.” He admitted, worrying his bottom lip, but Tony shook his head, working up the nerve to cup Peter’s face in his hand.

“I feel flattered,” He said, honestly, and Peter’s breath hitched. He stared up at Tony, eyelashes fluttering, moist, pink lips slightly open. The older teen leaned down slowly and when the Peter closed his eyes, their lips touched. Just like in his fantasies, Peter tasted sweet, his lips were soft and his arms circled Tony’s neck in a warm embrace. When they parted, Tony smiled down at him, stroking his blushing cheek. “Just promise that if this doesn’t work out you won’t, like, key my car or something.”

“Oh, God,” he groaned, but they both laughed out loud, as they walked hand in hand across the parking lot.

[jubberry]

oohkay let's go tua with those ship asks: fiveya, horrance and alluther.

thanks el i love you

Send me a ship and I'll answer three questions based on if I ship it or not.

fiveya obvs i ship this since this is 90% of my tua drawings lol

1. ill wait ill wait (to be the one) by georgiestauffenberg made me ship it cause holy fuck dude. I dont know if i ship them romantically when i saw them onscreen cause first of all, age difference is kinda weird lmao. Second, they dont rlly interact much outside literally the first couple of eps. But he was so soft for her, and i felt like they had so much unexplored history.

so i looked at fanfics cause i was wondering if ppl still ship it, then i liked the description of this one so i gave it a go.

Basically the premise is that vanya dates a much older man who seems to know a lot about her. And it was amazingly in character and just provided their characters some depth that u wouldnt find outside of a romantic relationship between them. (The implication of five pining while she doesnt know who he is, their missed chances when he time travelled, fives missed chances of living and having a 'normal' life bec of his own hubris, vanyas insecurity and being able to open up bec shes with someone whos known her since childhood). Its so sweet and thats how i was like, oh yep i can do so much more with these two, and what has kept me interested in drawing them etc.

2. My favourite things are the shippers cause i made some friends in the fandom who are super cool and supportive! I dont get super involved in fandoms and usually just watch from afar so finding people to talk to and muck around with in this tiny fandom is super cool 😭

Though thats not to say I havent come across some bad apples in this fandom and things that I dont like. I think thats the importance of carving out a place for yourself and ur friends in fandom tho.

Another thing I like about the ship itself, i just like the grumpy person whos soft for one person trope. Its so cute. I like all the little clues in canon on how their relationship as kids is quite warm, which is interesting cause five is basically the star student and he can be quite cold vs vanya who is the black sheep of the family.

I also like how five likes her powers even when she caused the apocalypse he spent the majority of his life in lol. Like its a popular hc that five is just a wife guy and i love that.

I see vanya as the type who has a lot of love to give, and she sometimes has unrealistic expectations of what her partner can give. Betrayal and lies really angers her, but also when her partner cannot meet her expectations of love she gets very upset bec its also an indication of how shes not good enough, or not loveable enough to be able to have this in the relationship (her insecurity means every failing always comes back to her, even if its out of her control).

I feel like five would be a level-headed person enough in the relationship to not be afraid to say 'vanya ur being stupid' (ie. the s2 confrontation lmao). Also, five's personality means she will never have to doubt his actions bec she knows hes the type who will not give u the moment of the day if hes not interested.

Not to mention they also have the whole apocalypse vs. saviour, hero/villain thing. Theres just a lot to explore!

3. I probably have several. But mostly I dont mind five being a dick to vanya bec first, even if the appeal is hes soft to her hes already kind of a dick in canon lmao. Also, vanya isnt a child. Shes grown and she can handle petty af things like five telling her shes not good at cooking lol. I also dont mind it cause I feel like people are getting too afraid to write... conflict for fear or portraying an abusive relationship or smth. Like, chill. Conflict is fine, resolving it is how u get a story. However in saying that, nobody should be obligated to write any way unless you want to! Fanfic is for comfort so if what your doing is making u happy then its good enough!

horrance which i also ship but i love the platonic and romantic relationship equally:

1. I came in tua in general not shipping anything so Im honestly not sure. I do remember someone doing a meta before s2 came out that was basically how ben acted weird when klaus summoned dave in s1 that made me go 👀 Otherwise, tua s2 rlly made me like them cause tua FED horrance shippers. Like..... the fact that klaus didnt want ben to leave him, and ben knows thats why he stayed 😢 or the fact that klaus was all over him for some reason???? Somebody also mentioned gay ben once and I resonate with that deeply. Like i get that jill exists but i resonate with gay ben deeply.

2. I love their bickering, theyre so cute together. I just like ben being angry bec hes self aware that hes got both shit and amazing taste. Shit bec he cant believes he likes Klaus (and also amazing also bec Klaus). I think the idea of them being kind of underdogs, theyre not rlly leader types and dont want to be, helps them bond together even in platonic horrance. They're both down to earth, and even tho they can annoy each other, they also know if they want a space to feel comfortable its with each other. Theyre not pressured by rivalry over leadership, or any sort of competition.

I love the idea that even tho ben is like klaus's ''conscience'', hes also down for chaos and bitchy. I feel like klaus rlly enabled that side of him, its not exactly a good thing but its p funny lol

3. I know some people think their dynamic is unhealthy but i dont care lol

alluther. So id say i dont ship this, mostly due to the fact that im not invested? Just like all tua ships so far I rlly came out not wanting anything but platonic relationships cause I feel tua doesnt do romance very well. With alluther, theyre so cute but im not super invested in either of their chars so they havent stuck for me. I appreciate seeing them and talking about them tho, and I'm def open to exploring them further.

1. I think tua canon romances are just so lackluster 😔 Idk who writes the romances but I was just like 'nice' but afterwards I dont really think about them. I love their dance scene and the message behind it! Otherwise, theyre sweet like most of the tua romances but im not super invested, same with all the non canon ships.

2. I really feel like tua needs to decide on what their relationship is. Like, just say its incest or not and stick with it 👀 Or if you wanna support it or not, just make up ur mind. I think I would've liked it better if I found the characters more interesting. Allison especially I feel like suffers from the fact that tua just doesn't want to make her ''mean''. They want to make her supportive and are less interested in making her flawed (ie. she should've had a conflict with Vanya in s2, but the writers didnt want to write the girls fighting which is stupid imo and not what that conflict is about).

In regards to Alluther, the scene where Allison gets annoyed at Luther for sleeping with someone else felt out of line. Like, how are you marrying other people and moving on but Luther isn't allowed to? But honestly, I don't mind if they actually just acknowledge it and make it a deliberate part of Allison's trait that Allison can expect a certain loyalty automatically from other people (which can tie in to her childhood being a star, and the rumour).

Luther is a big simp for Allison, which is sweet, but at the same time it would be nice to have him explore himself for a bit, and who he is outside of the academy. Then maybe they can rekindle their relationship again as new people and see where they go from there.

3. I don't hate them, but they're ok. I'm not super invested in them, just like all the tua canon romance. But I wouldn't mind making content for them if I were a bit more invested in their characters. I love their dance scene in s1 and I feel like its super a underrated portrayal of what their relationship is meant to be. I know no one talks about it but it's just such a great scene, and I'm pretty sure the choreographer was into interpretive dance? The scene had a lot of meaning that I don't see people dig around with.

Essentially I'm pretty sure the fairy lights are obviously a throwback to their childhood together, spending time outside of Reggie. So the dance scene kind of symbolized that pocket of space they made for each other in their life (even if theyre far away, or with other people, they will always have that space for each other).

The way they danced was more like playfighting than dancing, which means their relationship isn't sensual. It's more ''pure'', and romantic. Its basically two kids rekindling their love as adults. I also think this is a response to the incest, cause in s1 tua klaus literally said that 'thank god Regg is not their real father' right before Allison and Luther meet lmao. So its kinda like saying Allison x Luther isnt supposed to be 'ohh step sibling hot' but two people who experienced the same trauma as kids and finding comfort with each other (and rekindling that love after many years).

[phoneybeatlemania-bit-the-dust]

^^ thank you to the person who sent me this msg btw 🥺❤️ genuinely appreciate it (and dw, this didn't sound like a lecture at all, it just sounded like empathy, which I appreciated <3)

But also just wanna take a second to clarify a few things:

Basically, a few days ago, i saw some post, got a bit ~cheesed off~ and decided i was just. fuckin. through. with you beatle bitches.

And so then i logged off for a few days, just to think things through and take a break - and the conclusion ive come to is that im not gonna quit Tumblr, but I just dont wanna be apart of the fandom anymore. My page probably isn't gonna look any different, its just my experience in navigating this account is gonna be different. So essentially, its probably only gonna affect me. Its mostly just gonna be me keeping off the tags and stuff like that - my posts will still be basically the same tho.

Largely for me, its the mcl*nnon community, which btw doesn’t account for every single person in that community; believe whatever you believe about J&P because its basically besides the point here - theres just a few layers of, I dont know, ideologies maybe? that ive really grown to resent about a lot of people within the fandom. And ill explain that in more detail another time, because i just feel like i have to get it all off my chest y'know, but for now ill just leave it at that.

But its also just largely on a personal level, where i dont feel like people like me in this online community - and thats really not me trying to call people to my inbox to say “omg no i luv u!!!” - cause like, id appreciate the sentiment, but it wont change anything, cause its my own issue. Like me saying “nobody likes me” isn’t self-pity or a cry for help, its more-so just acknowledging that thats how i feel. And plus, I don’t feel like nobody likes me, cause theres people on this site who i would genuinely consider myself friends with, and who i think do actually like talking to me. But its really just that I don’t feel like most of the fandom like me, and tbh, ive realised that thats fine. There was a time where it bothered me, but now that ive decided that im just not gonna be apart of the actual “fandom” anymore, I dunno, i just feel a lot more liberated and theres a lot less pressure, and this is genuinely just my account now.

And to be completely honest, I could create a persona thats more likeable - but I just think, whats the point? Like I dont want to just write up whatever people want to hear, just to get some extra notes. It doesn't matter in the end. I just wanna post whatever I wanna post - if you like my opinions and personality and what-have-you, then thats groovy :) if you dont, then thats fine as well. I genuinely just do not care anymore, and thats a very nice feeling.

Also, on another note, ive unfollowed virtually everyone (i think i was following around 1300 accounts before, now im following about 150? - so if you see me following you in the next month or so, and you think “huh thats strange” then like, dw, its not personal i was just unfollowing everyone without putting any thought into it cause Too Many Accounts so I just clicked UNFOLLOW for basically everyone).

so TLDR - im in my "get back to where you once belonged" era

[samdeancass]

Troubled

Requested by: _stellastyless on Wattpad

Pairing: Derek x Stella (OC character)

Genre: Angst/Fluff

Characters: Derek, Stella, Scott, Stiles

Before her parents died in a plane crash, Stella was a very traditional girl. She always obeyed the rules, never stepped out of line and always had the best grades. All of that changed, however, when the fatal incident happened. Her life came crashing down around her. She had no siblings, nobody to turn to apart from Stiles. Stiles and Stella became super close and he became the only one she would confide in, especially since she was a closed book around everybody else. Her parents deaths changed her in a way that nobody could have predicted. Stella went from the perfect girl with a perfect life to an independent woman, stubborn and sarcastic just like her younger cousin. Stella has had a number of fake friends and flings that ended badly which crumpled her trust with anybody apart from Stiles.

There was one thing that she didn't trust Stiles to do though: take himself and Scott home without being harmed. It seemed that Stella wasn't the only one with these doubts as Sheriff Stilinski also didn't trust Stiles enough to reach home alone which is how she found herself parked outside of Beacon Hills High School. Stella was sitting on the hood of her car, tapping her fingers impatiently on the hood when she noticed a guy standing a few feet away staring at her. She hopped off the hood and began to walk further towards the schools entrance. Looking back behind her, Stella noticed that the guy had begun to follow her. Anger was building up inside of her, but she really didn't want to kick this guys as in the middle of a high school parking lot, so it was lucky that she spotted another guy heading towards her, Derek Hale. Stella giggled internally as she remembered a conversation she and Stiles had had not so long ago involving Derek.

"There is absolutely no need for how angry he is, Stella. He just sulks in the corner of a room, not saying a word. I can always feel his eyes on me, li,e he wants to eat me or something." Stella chuckled at Stiles' description of Derek. "Are you scared of him, Stiles?" His head shot up as his eyes widened. "No, definitely not." Stella shook her head and went back to reading her book.

Stella headed towards Derek and grabs his arm, interlocking their fingers together. "Play along". Stella whispered in his ear, only to leave Derek even more confused. This feeling soon went away when he spotted the guy that had been following you. Derek's eyes turned into slits as he slid his arm around Stella's waist, pulling her close to him. The guys eyes widened at what was playing out in front of him and soon walked away. Derek's arm fell from Stella's back as she stepped away from him.

"Thanks for that. Really didn't want to make a scene in front of a high school." She gave Derek a sheepish smile as they both walked towards her car. "Anytime, Stella. I always enjoy rescuing a damsel in distress." He began to laugh as Stella dug him in the ribs. "That will only happen once, I can promise you!" Stella could feel a familiar feeling brewing in the pit of her stomach as she carried on the conversation with Derek. Stella and Derek didn't really know each other so it was hard to gauge how much she could trust him, but she really couldn't resist the flirtiness of her old self. "Wanna go out for some drinks later?" Derek stared at Stella a little taken aback. He knew that she didn't really talk to people that wasn't in her inner circle. He thought for a second before accepting the offer. Stella smiled at him before she spotted Scott and Stiles heading down the path in front of them. "I'll meet you at the bar at 7." Stella waved at the two teens before walking towards them, leaving Derek slightly confused but amused at the situation he found himself in.

Later that night at the bar after dropping off Scott and Stiles, Stella and Derek were sat at the bar having a light conversation. "So I know about all of the werewolves and supernatural creatures in Beacon Hills, but I just wanna know how in the hell you cope with it all? I'm not around here all the time, but when I am it always seems like you, Scott and Stiles are always out trying to fix the town." Stella took a sip of her drink as Derek laughed slightly. "To be honest, it's quite hard trying to keep this town safe. The amount of things that these people have witnessed over the years is horrific. I'm actually surprised there are people still living here." Stella laughed in response as she downed the rest of her drink. "Another?" Derek smiled and nodded as Stella hailed down the bartender. "So, Stella, I've sort of noticed that you don't really talk to people who you aren't close to, so I'm just wondering why you decided to invite me out?"

The question took Stella by surprise as she downed the drink that she had just ordered. "Well, I think it has something to do with the fact that you helped me, practically a stranger, scare off a creepy dude who was following her." She took a deep breath as Derek smiled in response. "The thing is Derek, I'm sort of broken. I never used to be like this, I was a totally different person before...." Her voice stuck in her throat as she tried to finish the sentence. Derek placed a hand on hers and nodded. "I understand. Something happened to my family when I was younger that changed me in ways that I didn't even know, so trust me I know exactly how you're feeling." Stella smiled gratefully and ordered two more drinks.

A lot more drinks later, Stella and Derek found themselves hooking up together. For Stella, it was partly accidental but partly intentional as well. She really felt that Derek and her had a connection with each other and she wanted to feel closer to him. Stella awoke and looked around her, finding Derek asleep next to her. She smiles softly at him before quietly getting out of bed and getting dressed. She looks back at Derek one more time before creeping out of Derek's loft.

When Stella is in Beacon Hills, she stays af Stiles' house. She was hoping that nobody would be there when she arrived in order to escape staring eyes and awkward questions. That hope quickly faded when she spotted Scott's motorbike parked outside of the house. Stella sighed inwardly and readied herself for the interrogation that was sure to come before putting her key in the lock.

When she opened the door, footsteps sounded from the upstairs of the house. She rolled her eyes as the footsteps came closer and closer to her. "Where have you been?" She turned around to see Scott and Stiles leaning against the wall, arms folded across their chests. "You don't need to know." As Stella began to move around the kitchen and dodging Stiles' questions, she could hear Scott sniffing slightly and she knew he could sense a change in her scent. She swung around and brought a finger to her lips when Stiles wasn't watching, silently asking him to hush. He nodded softly before Stella headed upstairs.

A few days later the pack had gotten together to discuss another supernatural threat. Frustration was evident between Stella and Derek but nobody wanted to admit it. Both Stella and Derek had feelings for the other but they didn't know if they were ready to admit it to themselves, especially Stella. She was so afraid of being hurt and putting all of her trust in somebody she barely knows, but somehow she knew that Derek was worth it. Throughout the meeting, Derek barely looked at Stella and the frustration that she felt began to build inside her, along with a little sadness. Stella thought that Derek had feelings for her but with the way he was acting now, she wasn't so sure. At the end of the meeting, the frustration had turned into bitterness as her mind dwelled on hers and Derek's relationship. Before he left, letting the bitterness get the better of her, she pulled Derek aside to confront him about the situation.

"Alright Derek, I need to know. Where do we stand with each other? I thought you hooked up with me because you had feelings for me, but obviously you didnt. I cared all along for you, Derek." You breathing became rapid and angry as he gave you no verbal response and shook his head. Stella's anger got the better of her and she slapped Derek across the face before walking away.

The rest of the packs meetings resulted in Stella defending everybody's reasons and plans apart from Derek's. Stella was still very bitter about what happened between them both and felt that Derek didn't acknowledge or appreciate the hard work the rest of the pack puts into putting the plans together.

At one of the meetings, Isaac sensed a change in Stella's scent and decided to talk to her. "Hey, Stella. You Ok? I can sense something's wrong." She sighed a little and reassured him that she was OK. He could still sense her discomfort and engaged her in a mood lifter conversation which Stella became fully indulged in. Throughout the conversation, Isaac could sense Stella's discomfort leaving her body which brought a smile to his face. Stella walked away and sat down, taking Isaac with her.

"The thing is, Isaac. I sort of have feelings for Derek but he doesn't feel the same way." Stiles overhears the conversation and walks over to Stella. "Seriously Stel, Derek? I get what you're saying, I really do, but Derek?" Isaac looked up at him and shook his head before kicking his shin. "Go away, Stiles." Stiles groaned in pain as he hobbled away towards Scott, who he undoubtedly will tell. "Dont listen to Stiles, he's a moron." Stella laughed in response and begins to talk to Isaac some more.

After that, at another meeting, Stella found herself having to contradict Derek. Isaac could sense the change of her emotions and immediately pulled her close and hugged her, which oddly calmed her down. Every time this happened, Stella could feel herself mildly enjoying the attention. Throughout the meeting, Derek was unconsciously waiting for Stella to snap at him like she has been. He becomes a little confused when Stella isn't contradicting him anymore and actually agrees with him. Derek looks over in your direction and sees Issac and Stella cuddling together.

Anger rose through Derek's body at the scene in front of him. "Isaac, would you please concentrate and leave Stella alone!" Derek gritted his teeth together to keep himself calm before Stella jumped to Isaac's defense. "Hey, lay off. We're talking about the plan." You frowned at Derek before turning back to Isaac, throwing her arms around him. At this point, Derek was seething with anger. He absolutely hated the way Stella seemed so comfortable with Isaac and how quick she jumped to his defense but he chose to act like it didn't bother him.

A few days after this, Stella's phone lights up with a text from Isaac asking her to hurry over to the loft for a meeting. She hopped into her care and drove to the loft. Stella opened the doors and walked inside, only to find herself with Derek. Stella groaned inwardly at how awkward this was going to be.

"Erm, how've you been?" Derek looked over in Stella's direction and cast a small smile. "Absolutely fine, and yourself?" Ste,,a looked over at Derek and kept a straight face showing no emotion. "Fine. What are you doing here?" "Isaac told me to meet him here for a pack meeting or something." Silence filled the air for a few moments before Derek walked towards Stella and gave her a questioning look. "So, I've noticed you and Isaac have been getting pretty close lately and I'm just wondering how it's going."

Stella stepped back slightly in confusion and raised her eyebrows. "What on earth are you talking about, Derek? Me and Isaac aren't a thing, we're just good friends." Derek let out an angry huff. "C'mon, Stella. Dont give me that shit." Stella threw her hands up in the air. "What are you going on about?"

"With all the cuddling and giggling and whispering, it looks like you two are a thing. You seem so comfortable with him, I just assumed that you were both together." Stella gave him a deadpan look. "We're just good friends Derek, nothing more. We just get along really well and we understand the things that we have both been through. That's it, purely platonic. I'm way older than Isaac anyway, so having a relationship with him really doesn't seem practical in any way."

"Why are you both always co,fy with each other then, always cuddling each other?" Derek's frustration was starting to show at how naive Stella was being. He placed around the room as Stella shrugged in response. "I'm like that with everyone." Derek stops and over to Stella, stopping right in front of her. "You're not like that with me, though." "I would be if you hadn't of been such a jerk and played me." Derek scoffed. "What is your issue with me?"

"I like you, OK. I have for a while now. All of the little things that you do, like taking on the big bad by yourself, putting your life before anybody elses. It's things like that that allowed my feelings to develop, Derek. I haven't felt this way about anybody in a really long time and I get that you dont feel the same way, but you really shouldn't be interfering in my personal life."

Derek's head hung low as she finished her sentence. "I do admire you, Stella. So much. It's just, my past still haunts me to this day. I've lost so many people and I don't want to lose you to." Stella huffed in annoyance as tears began to prick at the corners of her eyes. "Please stop pretending, Derek. Its hurting me more than you know." She turns away from Derek but stops in her tracks when he grips her wrist.

"I love you, Stella. So much, please don't leave." Stella looked up into Derek's eyes to try and find any sort of uneasiness but all she found was genuine love. Stella tries to push Derek off her but her fights back and places his lips on hers, engaging her in a passionate kiss. As time goes on, the kiss progresses into something more.

Stella and Derek pull apart when they notice that Isaac is skipping around them, throwing rose petals along with Erica. In the background, a soft romantic song played. Stella and Derek looked up to find Boyd and Peter looking smug as hell. "What in the hell is happening here?" Derek looked around the room at each person before the door opened, revealing Scott and Stiles.

"GET A ROOM AND HOOK UP ALREADY!" Isaac shouted from where he was standing as Scott and Peter looked at Derek and Stella. "That was step one, guys. Just wait until step 2." They both wiggled their eyebrows at the couple before Stiles piped up.

"Derek Hale, if you hurt her, so help me. I will grab some wolfsbane, wrap it in mistletoe and mountain ash and shove it up your furry ass."

[letusmeetagain]

First i wanna say i really like all your analysis and theories because you put so much effort into them and im really gratful we have someone like you who like i said again have wonderful theories that make so much sense so please i have a question for you regarding a certain well...very dragged topic so if you wouldnt like to awswer i will totally understand it just i wanted to hear YOUR opinion because i really do appreciate your analysis of snk anyway my question is regarding erehisu...not i dislike it but its just im so tired can isayama make em or eh canon already so this clownery end...BUT i really do believe eremika will be the endgame because of all the proof that we have in the manga but people tend to make it as if its a crack ship ugh...what do you think hisu's final role will be? What do you think eren awswered her? Though i dont believe hisu's question meant any romantic undertones what do you make out of her question to eren?

Hi anon!!

Thank you for your kind words T.T

Well... the question focuses on my opinion on which ship has more chances to become canon, right?

I’ve spent some time thinking about my answer to this question, how I could go direct to the point while giving enough arguments to defend my opinion. Prepare yourself because I couldn’t and this will be very long. Sorry...

1. Eren’s characterization + romance

First of all, there is a very important point about Eren that shipers (even me sometimes) forget. A friend that loves and understand Eren the most pointed this many times when I was starting to forget about it... I dare to say that nobody surpasses her understanding of his characterization.

Eren isn’t a romantic person. We all have to keep in mind that his priorities aren’t the priorities a normal person would have. He is like Rick from Casablanca. There’s the duty and then dreams and then, maybe, romantic love (If we take for granted that he knows what it is). Erwin loved Marie but he had a priority. (There’s me finding more similarities between Erwin and Eren). Eren’s current development is more about his mission than a romantic one. Although he plays with romance, he does it while being blatantly blind about it.

Eren got caught in the middle of his normal development from a child that gets annoyed by romance and has some kind of allergy against cheesy moments (for ex. in ch. 3 with Franz and Hannah) to a teenager that blooms to feel romantic love as something important and unavoidable. It’s normal for kids. But Eren hasn’t a normal life. There was always something more important than learning how to love, be loved and express it openly. It’s not that he isn’t able to love, more likely the opposite. He knows how to love and he has his own ways to do it... but the way the world is restricted his possibilities to live a different life. Even in the way EMA never got to communicate properly most of the times. Communication runs sometimes as a question, a statement and no back question (for ex. ch. 3). Eren asked about Mikasa’s reasons to follow him, about Armin’s reasons, where he threw that line about his death being meaningless. Nobody said anything, neither Mikasa nor Eren reacted stating the opposite. They usually don’t have the time nor oportunity to talk or even think about essential topics as feelings of love or labeling their feelings.

Given Eren’s lack of experience and maturity that we could see until Marley arc. Is it even possible that he developed a carnal relationship with Historia before going to Marley? No. No, because it would contradict somehow his characterization. Eren is depicted exactly as someone that took this decision because he lost every single deep bond that would have stopped him. This lack of understanding brought him to this point. The lack of value he places on life and a comfortable life with friends and family.

2. The baby

The whole baby plot point is from my perspective just about the curse and a new generation (maybe) free from being SoY but just normal human beings.

Historia choosing this way was also the safest way to oppose her destiny... strategically speaking. She could trick everyone without being called openly a traitor. So I’m agree with you. Her question wasn’t romantic.

3. The father and his meaning

The father is, as I pointed out once in my Twitter acc., the farmer. My reasons are that there is a meaning behind his existence. He was a boy that dared Historia to break the rules and stop being submissive. He is aligned with Historia’s current role as someone who stopped being the good girl that follows stupid and detrimental rules in disregard of her own life. He is also a man that decided to redeem himself by helping her with the orphanage without trying to get her attention at all. Being a normal person who enjoys a normal life and also redemption. I’m not saying necessarily that it’s about love, but he isn’t just a nobody. He holds a deep, positive meaning for the story. Isayama pairs usually a sinner and an “innocent”: Annie and Armin, Eren and Mikasa, Erwin and Levi, Ymir and Krista, Historia and the Farmer. Eren and Historia are the current sinners on the matter that both chose the rumbling... let’s say.

Why this kind of pairing? Because one has to contribute to the improvement of the other. Two sinners (with the same crime and perspective) can’t help each other. It’s opposition what will bring them to overcome their weaknesses.

4. Development of the couples

That being said, Eren and Mikasa as pair are in the focus. Isayama went through 10 years of development of most of the pairs to build up a support for EreMika. He build parallels with YumiHisu and Falbi and gave us hints to understand EM better. The vow he made to her was probably one of those moments when he started to be romantic without noticing.

5. Eren and Historia: their moments

EH interactions are, conversely, of other nature. Both feel related about the point of carrying a big burden. While Eren has to save humanity fighting, Historia has the role of a founder who has to assure humanity’s survival by having children and keeping the royal family alive. Both want to be free from that burden and end up being “partners in crime” by betraying everyone. I’m missing the romantic interactions to be very honest. It’s because Eren is so self-focused that he anchors here when someone who is alone and having the same problems and feelings appears. But... where did the fandom start to see something between them?

Two moments. The moment when he said “she is admirable” and the moment when he insisted to spare her life. That obsession that is so tricky to even be explained.

The first one made a difference between how Eren acknowledges Historia’s attributes and disregards Mikasa’s. The fandom uses this to point out that Eren likes Historia more. Well, no. His relationship towards Mikasa was characterized by jealousy. He won’t admit anything.

Regarding his “obsession” to save her... this started when he knew the existence of Eren Krüger, his thoughts and the whole story about Dina. It wasn’t before that. We must also admit that Historia’s safety was related to more characters than just Eren. Since the very beginning, her safety was conveniently displayed by Frieda, Ymir and Reiner, what makes me believe that her destiny was to give birth to this baby (aka. plot armor). Her role is to avoid becoming a titan by her own choice, that’s her arc. With Krüger we also knew the importance of a royal: they can give birth to more convenient instruments for war. Knowing that he was devoted to the mission, I believe that Eren is being influenced by him (I want to highlight the word “influenced” as something different to manipulated). So this is all related to the mission and the final outcome about Ymir, the curse, the power and the baby. Eren partly wants to grant her the chance to choose, but he also pushes her to do so based on part of her desires because of the mission as he did with Grisha.

Add here the fact that Historia was prepared to sacrifice his life at the cave if it was needed. That shows her priorities.

A lot of EH shippers claim that she saved him. Regarding her role as savior, I’m more objective and skeptical. She spared his life, but emotionally speaking, she didn’t really save him. The proof is that he was still low, thinking that he was a nobody. Carla’s words were the message with enough impact to relieve him and make him open himself to Armin and Mikasa and tell them about his sorrows. This shows the difference on the impact on him when it comes to Historia and when it comes to Carla... this happens again in ch. 131. He thinks about his mother instead of Historia who was the one reproving his plan. To me, Historia is his friend and inspired him to fight just for his sake against the system and rebel those who are over him and oppressing him. But his soft side is related to Carla, Armin and Mikasa: his family and those, who appreciate his life over his fate and urge of freedom and to be acknowledged.

Bonus: when Eren told Historia that she saved him was more like “You chose this path once and I’m sorry. I’ll be starting the rumbling and you contributed”. Historia’s face to that looks like this: “Oh no...I fucked up”. It doesn’t look like “Oh no... I don’t regret saving you because I love you and I can’t live without you”. On the contrary, that’s when she realizes that she was part of this since the beginning and that by saving him, she chose to let the rumbling happen once in the past. Then she goes along with the plan for her own reasons and because she hasn’t better options to choose either.

Summary:

Eren didn’t develop as a romantic person yet nor prioritized romantic love over his mission. It goes against a previous explicit development of EH before the trip to Marley. The farmer has a positive meaning as the father. EM is more developed and shows romantic undertones and common tropes. EH hasn’t romantic undertones and it’s more related to the mission to save the eldians.

So... that was it. Sorry again for the length and thank you for the ask!