#nobody is going to like this but it’s okay

[sturnmeovr]

♡‧₊˚ Babydaddy!Chris x Sweetheart!Reader – Emotional Support

Chris was a mess; it was three in the afternoon, and he was still in bed. Trapped under his thick comforter, hiding away from the sunlight that took over his bedroom. A groan leaves his lip whenever he hears light knocks coming from the other side of his room, “go away!” 

“C’mon kid,” Matt jiggles the knob, cracking the door slightly to poke his head in, “you gotta eat something — it’s been three days.” Nick abruptly kicks the bedroom door open with his foot, “you’re gonna eat these mini pizzas we cooked with love, just for you — or Matt is gonna hold you down while I shove them down your throat,” he spits out, stalking across the room and snatching the comfort off of Chris’ curled up figured. Chris fights his hardest to win the tug of war battle, but he loses, practically giving up, due to the lack of energy in his body. You’d think he’d be fully rested with all the 'sleep' he had gotten the last few days, never leaving his memory foam mattress unless his bladder told him he absolutely had to. Chris wasn’t sleeping his days away like his brothers assumed, a lot of the times he was up thinking about you and his unborn son. About how he ruined the only relationship he ever had with the girl who meant the most to him — the girl who was carrying his baby, the girl who he was certain he wanted to marry one day. 

The last conversation he had with you, he was telling you how sorry he was, how much he missed you, that he needed you home with him. Your only reply was that you needed more space, so that’s what Chris has been attempting to do. Only problem is — he can’t get you out of his fucking head. Chris often stays up all hours of the night, scrolling through your Instagram or the old snapchat conversations he had saved, looking at the old messages from when everything was normal and okay. He was absolutely gutted; he missed everything about you, and he wished he never took the bond you two shared for granted. 

“M’not hungry,” he croaks out, grabbing a pillow to throw over his head in an attempt to block the sunlight that blinds him. Matt lets out a lengthy sigh, “you have to eat something,” taking seat on the edge of Chris’ bed, and rubbing a hand down his back in a soothing manner. It killed him to see Chris in such a sad state, he was usually the life of the party, so it was odd seeing him moping around the house like he had been the last two weeks.

“Chris, seriously,” Nick chimes in, “it’s not the end of the world, kid.” Nick was a bit more insensitive to the situation than Matt because of how close he had gotten with you throughout yours and Chris’s relationship. You were like the little sister they'd never got, when Nick found out about Chris cheating on you, it broke his heart a little bit too. Nick didn’t pick sides, but he definitely showed you more support than he did his own brother. You were pregnant with his nephew for crying out loud. Chris was wrong and he knew that there was no excuse for his actions. Nobody wanted to see Chris in the state of mind he was in, but it wasn’t anyone else’s fault but his own. Nick definitely wasn’t the one to baby him, unlike Matt who loved playing the therapist role to both you and Chris. 

Chris dramatically throws his pillow back and glares at Nick, “it is the end of my world, Nick.” Nick rolls his eyes at Chris’ over-exaggerations, he knew you distancing yourself would last long since you were due in a couple weeks. Plus, you had been texting him the whole time you were gone, updating him on your plans and how you felt about the Chris situation. You were at a crossroads, but Nick knew you too well, he knew you'd crack once Chris applied enough pressure like you usually did.

The two brothers share a similar look, biting back smiles at Chris’ dramatics. Matt snatches the pillow away from him, “c'mon you’re getting up.” He tosses the pillow across the room, adding it to the pile of dirty laundry and Chris’ thick comforter. Another groan erupts from Chris’ chest, the mattress making it come out a bit muffled, “I’m not leaving from his bed until my baby momma tells me to.”

“Fine,” Matt huffs, crossing his arms over his chest, “I’ll FaceTime her so she can see how foul you look — seriously, man. I can smell your feet from the next room,” he tells him before tapping a few buttons on his phone. Chris lays there motionless, calling his brothers bluff. He didn’t think Matt would actually FaceTime you but when your voice sounds from the other side of the phone screen, “yes — Chris?” Concern weaved through your words like a tight braid, your tone makes Chris sit upright in one swift movement. As much as he wanted to cry out to you, confessing his true feelings and expressing how sorry he was, he didn’t want you to see him in the state he was in, he knew you'd feel bad. The last thing he wanted was you to be upset over his own fuck up. “What’s wrong with him?” your voice sounded worried. Chris would be lying if he said it didn’t make his heart warm, knowing you still cared made him feel like there was still hope to repair the relationship he damaged so badly. 

Matt opens his mouth to speak but Nick quick wittedly cuts him off, “let’s start with the fact that the kid hasn’t showered in days ‘cause he won’t leave his bed,” pinching the bridge of his nose in disgust. Chris knew his brother was just poking fun at him, only trying to lighten the mood by cracking jokes. A long sigh can be heard from your side of the phone, “well if he checked his phone then he’d know I’ve been texting him for over an hour.” As soon as the words leave your mouth, Chris' eyes widen and he's scrambling for his phone. He taps his finger against the screen a few times, only to reveal 6 unread messages and 2 missed calls for you. The last one reading - “I miss you 😑” 

Overjoyed with emotion, a bright smile forms, making his lips curve upwards. Chris stands up on his bed, tangling a hand thru his brown locks before snatching the phone from Matt, “you want to come over? I can pick you up, we can get dinner on the way,” he rambles on, desperately shooting out any suggestion, hoping and praying you'd take his offer. He didn’t want to miss the opportunity to see you. Your absence left him physically and mentally ill. 

“Yeah,” you squint at him, studying his expression. He looked thrilled and exhausted at the same time. Dark circles made their mark underneath his puffy, bloodshot eyes. His hair is messy and tangled like he hadn’t been using the apple scented conditioner you introduced to him while you were gone. Seeing him so unkept broke your heart, but not more than the revelation of him cheating. You shake your head, pushing the negative thoughts to the back of your mind before clearing your throat, “I need to talk to you.”

︶︶︶ ⊹ ︶︶ ୨♡୧ ︶︶︶ ⊹ ︶︶

The sight of an all-black, tinted out Audi parked in front of your best friend's house makes you take an uneasy breath — you knew exactly who it was. You sigh loudly, tugging your jacket on to protect you from the cool night air. Your best friend, noticing the hitch in your breath, chimes in from the open living room, “he’s here?” 

“Yea,” you breath out, your voice barely audible as you look over at her, “I’ll be back soon. Jus’ gonna get some food and talk for a little.” If it was up to your bestie, she’d lock you up and throw away the key for good, hiding you away from him at all costs. You can tell she’s stopping herself from saying what she really wants to, “be careful and make good choices,” she forces a toothless smile before turning her attention back to the tv. She didn’t want you to go back to Chris; she hated the emotional damage he forced on you, mainly because she was always the one to pick up the pieces once you were shattered and broken. She was a great form of emotional support for you, much like Matt was for Chris. Regardless of anyone else’s opinions on yours and Chris’s relationship, your due date was right around the corner, and you were vulnerable. You couldn’t fathom the idea of raising your newborn son without his father. Each time you thought about it the idea made you sick to your stomach. 

You make your way to his car, pulling the passenger door open to reveal your babydaddy. The familiar scent of his cologne sends a chill down your spine, it was comforting in a way. You sink down into the passenger seat, setting the purse he gifted you last week on the floorboard of his car. Chris was determined to win you back. He made sure he still came in clutch whenever you were craving random food combinations, he left presents and takeout food on your best friends' doorstep with cute notes attached to them - “not a gift to win you over, just a gift to show my appreciation” and “Chinese food because I know Bear won’t let you live without it. I miss you. I love you. I’m sorry.” It was sweet how attentive he still was, even if you weren’t one hundred percent present, he still showed he cared and that meant something to you, aside from his prior shitty decisions. 

“Hey,” he stretches, a gummy smile plastered on his face. You could tell he was happy to be within a close vicinity of you. You set your eyes on him, taking his appearance; he was freshly showered and doused in his signature, making it obvious he was trying to look his best for you. As weird as it sounds, you missed the smell of him so much that it was always like a new craving for you. He shoots you a playful look, already reading your mind because he knew you that well. “You look good today,” he coos, placing a hand on your thigh to give it a squeeze. His firm grip sends tingles thru your core, his touch was another big thing you had been craving while you two were apart. 

You swat his hand away while a dark shade of redness makes its way to your cheeks, making Chris throw his head back to bellow out a laugh, “too soon?” He knew he still had a certain effect on you which is why you never stay around him too long, you’d fold under pressure quick. As much as you wanted to let your smile break thru, there was no time for games. Furrowing your brows at him as you desperately try to hide your red cheeks, “this is serious, Chris — we don’t have time for jokes.” 

His smile falls into a slight frown, and he shifts in his seat, “I know that. Sorry, I jus’ miss you.” Chris reaches down into the compartment of his door, pulling out one of your current pregnancy cravings, “I got you gummy bears,” he presses his lips together in an awkward manner. It was weird to him, not being able to touch and kiss you like he used to – like he really wanted to. A mix of emotions swirl through your gut. You felt guilty for putting him through the emotional trauma of not having his nearly due girlfriend by his side, you knew he was worried if you’d come back to him, worried if Bear would come earlier or not. At the same time, it was validating that he cared enough to go through all these lengths just to get you back – camping outside of your best friend's house, showing up with presents and food cravings. The most important part was him actually leaving you alone when you told him you needed more space. It gave you a lot of time to think about your next move. Was Chris texting another girl worth throwing all the work you two put in?

“I miss you too, but that’s not the topic of discussion right now,” you mumble, looking down to your lap, smoothing a hand over your bumps as Bear kicks repeatedly as the sound of Chris' voice, like always. You weren’t there to make Chris feel worse about what he did, your absence was enough to make him sulk in his own sorrows. By the way his brothers had been texting you nonstop about Chris not even getting out of bed to do his bare minimum daily routine, you knew it was time to stop distancing yourself and actually work past the problem, whether it meant going back to him or not.

A faint smile forms at his lips when he hears you finally say you miss him, “you do, really?” One thing about this whole fucked up situation, Chris never failed to expression his emotions. It was a big change for him, but then again, he acted like a new man ever since he found out you were pregnant. 

“Of course I do, but that doesn’t —,” you fiddle with the sleeves of your jacket, your small voice getting interrupted by his raspy one, “it doesn’t excuse what I did.” You watch as he gnaws at his bottom lip out of nervousness, his wet hair making water stains on his white t-shirt, “nothing will — I know that, Y/N.” 

It was known Chris loved to call you his Sweetheart, so anything less was gut wrenching to you. He was more serious than you had ever seen him. Chris turns his body towards you, his hard gaze fixed on you as his own way of letting you know he meant everything he was about to say, “but I’m willing to do whatever it takes to prove to you that I can be a better man for you and Bear.” His words make their mark on you, making you nod in agreement to everything he was saying. Maybe it was his convincing demeanor or maybe it was because you missed his company. Or maybe it was because he was saying all the right words, telling you everything you wanted and needed to hear. You open your mouth to speak but quickly close it, not knowing what to say, so he does it for you, “I have a therapy consultation later this week,” he starts, clearing his throat before he reassures you once more, “I’m willing to do whatever it takes – however long it takes, seriously.”

You raise a brow at him, staying quiet as your thoughts run rampant through your head, picking at the skin on your fingers as you try to muster up a response. Therapy; he was willing to go through therapy if it meant keeping his relationship afloat and his family together. Chris can practically hear the gears turning in your head. He knew you were thinking carefully, going through all the possible outcomes, and weighing out the future, not only for your relationship but for your unborn son. Chris watches intently as you pick at your fingers, he had picked up on the nervous habit of yours a long time ago. He knew you too well. He wanted nothing more than to reach out and stop you from damaging yourself any further, but he knew it wasn’t the right time. Hot tears brim the waterlines of your eyes, you suck in a deep breath before looking at him, your mouth gaping open to speak but the words get stuck in the back of your throat once again.

You could see the pain in his eyes as he watches you struggle to speak, his voice lower than before, “I don’t want to miss anything.” He sniffles, a stray tear escaping his eye and rolling down his cheek, only to get whipped away by Chris’ large hand rather quickly. The sight of him crumbling in front of you made your heart ache, you knew what he was implying, he didn’t want to miss out on fatherhood or the chance at a picture-perfect family. You didn’t blame him; you wanted Bear to grow up in a two-parent household as badly as he did. Both you and Chris knew nothing other than being raised by two amazing parents, and that was a long-term goal for the two of you. A family, marriage, a few pets, and a big house on a large plot of land built specifically for your family; it was something you talked about and planned with him for the last eight months. The thought of letting go of all those dreams and goals you and Chris shared together made you queasy. 

He sucks in a breath, “fuck – sorry, I told myself I wasn’t gonna do this in front of you,” letting out a deep breath and pulling sleeves over his hands to collect the tears spilling from his eyes. You sink back in your seat, his outburst felt like he drove a stake right thru your heart, he had never been this open with you. Of course, he expressed how badly he wanted you back and how sorry he was, but he never broke down crying and pleading for you back. The therapy consultation just topped it off, he was willing to work through his faults for his family. You look over at Chris, his body hunched forward while his head is buried in his hands, his wet hair still making water marks on his white t-shirt. 

“I’ll come home,” your voice is shaky and your hands tremble. Chris picks up his head in one swift movement, fixing those icy blue arctics on you. He wipes his face, sniffling once more, “you will? Y’really mean it?” His words come out pushed together as he fights back his sobs. You nod to him, holding your index finger up, “under one condition.” 

Chris’ eyes are puffy, his face red from crying, “anything – anything you want – y'name it.” The urgency in his voice tells you he’s serious, “I’ll sleep on the couch, diaper duty forever – anything, sweetheart.” He lets his intrusive thoughts win by scooping your hand up, interlocking your fingers and bringing it up to his mouth to plant a light kiss to the back of it. The feather-like feeling of his lips leaves goosebumps on your arms and a pool forming between your thighs, you bite back the smile pulling at your lips before looking him in the eye seriously, “couples therapy.”

wc - 3163

♡‧₊˚ Cheys Note - Long awaited 🫣 I'm so sorry, I rewrote this twice and I still don't know if I like it or not 😩😩 I hope you guys enjoy, though!! Name reveal coming soon if you guys haven't figured it out already 😋😋🫶🏻 Lmk what you guys think, I apologized in advance to everyone I pissed off with this one lmfaoo. Love you guys <3

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[smugblueenby69]

“It’s finished, it’s done. You can’t take loved away”

-excerpt from Nona The Ninth by Tamsyn Muir

I lost my mom back in 2013. I was a few months away from 13 at the time, and no matter how long it’s been since I’ve seen her, no matter how fuzzy my memories of her get, no matter how many holidays or birthdays or big events she’s not there for, no matter who I become, I have to remember that I loved her, and that she loved me too.

I’ve found myself struggling lately to even remember if I ever actually knew her, but I did know her, and who I knew I loved.

I loved her laugh. I loved her smile. I loved how kind she was. I loved that she very genuinely cared about the world. I loved that she fought for people and the injustices they faced in her own way. I loved that she decided one day when she was 12 to become a vegetarian because of her love for cows. I loved that she wasn’t ashamed to sleep with a bunch of stuffed animals. I loved that she took photos all the time, like carried a camera with her all the time just to do that. I loved that she bought stuffies for my brother and never forced gender roles on me or my siblings; we could decide for ourselves what we liked and what we didn’t. I loved that she was a safe haven for all my older sister’s friends, no matter their race, gender, sexuality, etc, she just gave them a mother figure they could rely on. I loved that she did genealogy work for people, and would take us kids to cemeteries to find head stones for people. I loved that she encouraged my siblings and I to read, and that she made it so much fun, it was a way she could bond with us. I loved that she always encouraged us to create art, I’dve never become an artist without her and her family’s background and support in art. I loved her love for animals, that again she and her side of the family always seemed to have a special way with animals, especially sick and injured ones. I loved her desire to learn and grow and change, it reminds me that she would be okay with who I am now. I loved her nerdiness. I loved her love for star trek and eragon and other media, she’d love that I’m unapologetically the same when it comes to enjoying fantasy and sci fi.

I loved my mom a lot. And that love will never go away. That love will never disappear. Nobody will ever replace my mom, and I will never replace the love I had for her. And her love for me will also never disappear. Every tear she wiped away. Every scrape she tended to and kissed. Whenever she reminded me that she would always be with me, even when she was far away, like the story she told me about “The kissing hand” on my very first day of school, where I sobbed because they wouldn’t let her walk me into my classroom. Whenever she gave me a shoulder to cry on after every terrible day of getting bullied at school. After every ounce of praise she gave me for even the smallest achievements.

I can’t take her love away, and nothing can ever take the love I have for her away, not even after all these years, and not even after 100. As long as her name is remembered, she will be loved, because she made damn well sure through her kindness and care that at least one person would remember her fondly. She touched many hearts and left a warmth never to be diminished, and I love that about her too.

And in the future, as I remember her and even learn new things about her that I didn’t know before, I will love more things about her. That is the good thing about the passage of time I guess, is that there is always more time to learn, even though she’s not here to make new memories with, I will still learn more from and about and for her, and I will love her.

Thank you mom for loving like you did, and teaching me to do the same.

grief is so crazy like what if i forget what her laugh sounds like. does she know i loved her. i miss her so much. i catch myself doing things she used to do. i wish i could call her. i miss her so much. i do a crossword puzzle. i cry while washing the dishes. does she know i loved her? my heart feels like a hummingbird. i miss her so much. what if i forget what her laugh sounds like. what if i forget.

[blueberrisdove-sideblog]

soft dom phainon would heal all my pain and suffering 😮‍💨

ᕱ⑅ᕱ Warnings : nsfw/smut, p*ssy eating, shy fem!reader, daddy kink, reader is whiny asf, belly bulge, big dick Phainon, cream-pie, vaginal, doggy style, size kink, cocky phainon. ^_^

“Babyyy you feel sooo good…” Phainon moaned out loud, gripping on your hips. While thrusting his cock in you. His big length kissing your cervix.

Phainon's voice was steady, filled with quiet confidence. "Breathe for me, sweetheart," he murmured, his hand resting on your lower belly. The pressure was there, gentle but firm, as though he were grounding you. His presence surrounded you, warm and commanding, a mixture of affection and control.

"Good girl," he praised, his thumb tracing small circles on your skin as he adiusted his position, ensuring you were comfortable even while stretched by his presence. "You're taking this so well. I knew you could handle it"

Your breath hitched, body trembling under his touch. "D-Daddy," you whispered, your voice small and needy. The way his hands were on you, how they made you feel both safe and overwhelmed, left you unable to form coherent thoughts. "… I don't know if I can take more.”

Phainon's eyes softened, though there was still that quiet dominance in his gaze. "You're doing perfect, baby," he reassured, his voice gentle as he ran his fingers lightly over your belly, feeling the subtle shift beneath his hand. "You're stretchin’ for me, so beautifully. Don't worry. I won't push you too far.”

You could feel the way he filled you, how deep it went, and the pressure building in your stomach. There was a slight bulge now, an unmistakable reminder of how much he had given you, how much he was demanding.

But it wasn't uncomfortable—it was a strange, fulfilling sensation. Your body responded to him, each shift pulling you closer to the edge.

"You feel so perfect for me," Phainon whispered, his lips grazing your ear. "Yer mine, and I'm going to take care of you. Yeah? I won't let you break, but you have to trust me, okay?"

Phainon's gaze softened slightly, even with that cocky grin still playing on his lips. "Yer so good for me, baby," he murmured, his hands steady on your hips. "I can feel it—your body's beggin' for more." He shifted his weight, adjusting his position to add even more pressure, his voice dropping lower. "But don't worry, 'm gonna make sure you can take it. Just trust me."

You whimpered softly, a mix of frustration and pleasure rising in your chest as he moved with such control. Your breath quickened, your body responding to him without question. "I... I trust you," you managed to say, voice barely above a whisper.

He smiled at that, the cocky edge to his demeanor still there, but there was something deeper in his eyes now-something almost tender. "Good girl, he praised, the words sending a wave of warmth through you. "You're doin' great. Keep goin', just like that."

You could feel the pressure in your tummy, the fullness of him making everything seem so intense, yet somehow, it felt right. He moved with slow, steady thrusts, making sure you felt every inch of him. The way your body shifted with each movement made it impossible to think of anything else—just him, just the way he made you feel.

Phainon's hand slid down to your belly again, his fingers pressing lightly on the bulge that formed there. "Your so beautiful like this," he murmured. "Look at you, all stretched out for me. Ain't nobody else gonna get to see you like this. Just me"

His words lingered in your mind, your body responding with a mix of desire and something deeper-something rooted in trust, in the bond that was growing between you two. Even though the pressure was nearly overwhelming, there was no fear, only a quiet anticipation for whatever Phainon had in store next.

[damnfeelings09]

Animals AU- Shadow's version

A.N: Sorry, got lost in crimson eyes! RED for stalker thoughts, GREEN for yours Please check your surroundings, someone is coming.

Shadow stopped his motorcycle just in front of your house. You got off, still on shaky legs, feeling dizzy. “Thanks... for the ride, for saving me.”

“Now you owe me a bunny”  he said with a wink. “Why did you show up out of nowhere? Be thankful I have good reflexes or you'd be a stain on the floor by now.”

“Ah...” you quickly thought of an excuse, because telling him that you had been chased by a madman was not an option “I missed the bus and the only way out is to walk 5km to the next stop, so I was running to catch it.”

Lies.

“Really? I thought you looked scared, are you afraid of the dark bunny?” he asked getting close to your ear. His hot breath hitting your neck. The memory of what you had done in the afternoon and even more the why came back to your mind blushing you instantly. Shadow had the power to make you furious and now, it seemed, he also had the power to make you blush and he was enjoying it. “Would you like me to walk you to your bed? You won't be afraid of the dark if you’re with me.”

“Asshole” you said coming back to reality. You threw the helmet back at him, but Shadow had good reflexes, catching it in mid-air. You frowned and turned around raising your middle finger at him.

What you trying to do to me

It's like we can't stop, we're enemies

“Love it when you play hard to get”. - He said putting on his helmet “You turn me on” And with that Shadow disappeared again among golden sparks.

The next morning you were at the bus station, Mailo had been apologizing for leaving you alone for 10 minutes straight and excusing himself that he had to go for his sister and you were nowhere to be seen. Mailo and you were best friends since you were in high school, you were both in the same class and his house was 2 blocks away from yours, you used to spend a lot of time at his house because your parents were too busy working for GUN. However, when you turned 15 something changed, both of them became paranoid, locking you at home with them, you were not allowed any electronic devices, you could only talk to your friends when your parents were asleep. Little by little, the stress was consuming you, nobody knew what was going on, a mobian virus the doctors said, it was slowly eating your parents brain and there was nothing to do. You went through many studies but fortunately you had not been infected.

That was the reason for you to study medicine, you would find a cure for that virus, for the Mobian diseases. When you enrolled in medicine Mailo was surprised, he had no idea that you liked sick people, he cared so much about you, saying it was his job to protect you at all costs, that he ended up enrolling with you in the faculty, however his other interests did not allow him to have a clear conscience and he changed some of his classes to biology.

“Forgive me, honey,” he said, pleading with his blue eyes. He’d always been like this, you knew he had feelings for you, heck you even tried to feel the same but in your eyes Mailo was like your brother “I promise I will never leave you alone again.”

“It's okay. Besides, the bus ride wasn't so bad.” You lied. If Mailo knew what was going on he would surely get upset and go straight to his father Commander Clarke, they would start an investigation and have you watched 24/7 or worse, locked up in a safe house. You wouldn't let either of those things happen. You would never be locked up again.

“It is my duty to protect you,” he said with a peculiar smile, ”I will never leave you alone… again.”

When you arrived at the university Mailo said goodbye to you, gave you a kiss on the cheek and assured you that this time he would wait for you. You smiled at him and waved goodbye. You turned around and bumped into a hairball. You blew it away from your face before it made you sneeze, when you opened your eyes white fur was in front of you, shiny and tempting, inviting you to run your fingers through it and check its softness.

“Wow, are we getting along like this bunny? It's my turn to touch” it was his stupid teasing voice again. You were beginning to miss the Shadow who only teased you or hid your stuff. You walked around him and continued on your way to Psych class. “Hey, no good morning kiss for the one who saved your pretty little ass last night?”

“I said thank you.” you reminded him, hurrying your pace.

“You still owe me one bunny,” Shadow walked at your pace, wearing a black sports outfit, which camouflaged perfectly with his fur except for his chest. White fur peeked through the V-neck of his shirt; the same one you had bumped into minutes ago. On his wrists and ankles, he wore golden rings, imprisoning him as if he was something dangerous, he also wore his typical aero shoes.

You're like a drug that's killing me

You rolled your eyes at his words. You might be a good person, but you would never, ever do that hedgehog a favor. “Consider it a truce between us.” You smiled mockingly at him.

Shadow tugged on your wrist, pulling you into the hallway between the buildings. He placed you back against the wall and positioned himself in front of you, one hand resting on the wall close to your neck and the other resting on your waist with a firm grip, a mixture of the warmth of his hand and the coldness of his ring against your bare skin.

“Wha- Shadow let go of me.” You brought your fists to his chest striking him but only managed to get laughter from your opponent. You could feel the vibration under your hands.

“Somone's got fire inside,” he said looking you up and down with his eyes. “Careful  you might get burn bunny.” He withdrew his grip on your waist, your body yearning to feel the touch again.

“Maybe I want to” you whispered, holding his gaze. Shadow smiled, the glow in his crimson eyes turning dark, as if warning you of danger. Seeing that you were not frightened, he looked away.

“I need you to repay me for last night's favor,” he turned his attention back to you, that darkness gone from his eyes.

“What?, Mr. I do everything better than you, Mr. Perfection, Mr. The Ultimate Lifeform is asking for the help of a mere mortal?”

“You're so funny bunny, are you sure you didn't take the wrong career path? You should be a comedian,” he said sarcastically with an annoyed grimace. Seeing Shadow annoyed was not something that happened easily, but when you did it your whole being enjoyed it. You enjoyed making him feel a hint of what he provoked in you.

“I don't think so, sombrita.” you teased, a smirk perfectly drawn on your face, however, your moment of satisfaction didn't last long. Shadow closed the distance between you, his face only inches from you, his breath crashing against yours and his grip again on your waist, this time, gently caressing you with his thumb. The heat rising to your cheeks, almost as red as his eyes. Shadow inhaled deeply, allowing the strawberry scent of your perfume to flood his lungs causing him to shiver, his spikes standing on end.

You can start over you can run free

You can find other fish in the sea

“You're going to help me” it was more of a command than a plea. Your mind focused on his touch, his pads were rough against your skin but the contact didn't bother you, it felt... good.

“Wh-what for?” you hesitated to speak.

“Something simple bunny. There's a girl who doesn't understand that I'm not interested, I just want you to get her off my back.” he said as he played with the strap of your bra, very close to the curve of your breasts.

“Ho-how?”

“Go out with me.” he smiled. “It'll only be a few weeks.”

“No fucking way” You refused, but the blush on your face and your body's reaction to his touch gave away what you felt.

“Pleeeeeease,” he pleaded softly, ”I'll be good to you and help you pass your self-defense class.”

Danger alarms were ringing loudly in your head, but the way Shadow was looking at you had you trapped, you couldn't pay attention to anything else but him. His commanding presence over you and his deep voice, unsettled your senses. And his eyes, fuck those crimson eyes hid behind them an indomitable fire and you a simple match waiting to burn. You were at his mercy, whatever he asked for at this moment you would give it to him.

“Okay” You replied, almost inaudibly, but Shadow had excellent hearing.

“That's my girl.” he smiled, releasing you from his grip “Later bunny.”

But you can't stay away from me

Stupid, sensual hedgehog you thought. How could he look so carefree and disappear just like that after all the wave of emotions he had caused in you.

[suzukiblu]

WIP excerpt for sakoku_decree behind the cut; “YJ packs up and gets pupped”. (( chrono || non-chrono ))

“You appear to have been incorrect in that assumption,” Red Tornado says, tilting his head, and Kon doesn't know if Red Tornado thinks he's a bad omega or, like–a slut, or whatever, but . . . “If you ‘dunno’ if the material is sufficient for nesting, I will source additional options from what is available in the base, in addition to an interim supply of hydration and nutrition to provide for the time until the arrival of whoever you have invited to attend you for your presentation?” 

Kon stares blankly at him for a moment, then buries his face in his hands and bursts into tears. 

He's definitely still having the “overemotional” symptoms. Like–very definitely. 

“. . . is that insufficient?” Red Tornado asks, and Kon just sobs. 

Superman assumed he had–somebody, too. That there was . . . somebody. A pack he could go to. 

But Superman didn’t ask him what he needed ‘til he could get back to that . . . that “pack”. Superman didn’t–offer him anything ‘til he could get back to that pack. 

Didn’t even, like . . . fly him home or anything. 

Which, like–obviously he didn’t. There is literally no reason he would. Kon’s not a fucking civilian and wasn’t hurt or in any danger and wasn’t, like–he didn’t need–he doesn’t need–the whole stupid world needs Superman. 

So he can’t. 

He–he can’t. 

“S’not–s’not ‘insufficient’,” he croaks past the tears, keeping his face in his hands. “That–that’d be–you don’t have to–to do that.” 

“Is whoever you have requested attend you for your presentation due to arrive within the next fifteen to twenty minutes?” Red Tornado asks. 

“N-no,” Kon stutters. “That’s . . . no. Nobody’s gonna . . . gonna be here in . . . in fifteen minutes.” 

It’s not technically a lie. Nobody’s gonna be here in fifteen minutes because nobody’s gonna be here at all, unless the Super-Cycle counts. Which–Kon doesn’t even know if the Super-Cycle understands, like–presentation or anything, or . . . or offering him a place to nest, or . . . anything. But like–it’s not technically a lie, that nobody’s gonna be here in fifteen minutes. 

Kon sniffles wetly, rubbing at his eyes with the heels of his hands. Red Tornado makes an electric humming sound that sounds kinda like a fridge compressor or something kicking up into gear a little harder. 

“Then I will do it anyway, unless you would prefer I not,” he says. 

Kon sniffles. 

“I–no,” he manages roughly, hunching in on himself a little more. He’d be fucking mortified about it if he weren’t all overemotional and stupid right now, probably, and he’s definitely gonna be mortified about it later, but . . . but omegas are . . . are supposed to . . . supposed to be like that, when they’re in heat. And he’s–he’s gonna be that. “I wouldn’t . . . it’s–it’s like . . . it’s okay, I mean. I wouldn’t–mind, if you . . .”

He’d cry a lot harder, probably, but–no, he wouldn’t mind.

[lazyscience]

so what Brennan says in this about "demonstrating value" this is especially fun if you are autistic and your value estimator is absolutely fucked relative to the common individual, so you are either dialed up to 8000 and everyone hates you for being a know-it-all showoff, or your internal station preselects are "general knowledge" "enjoys taking almost everything apart, physical or social to see how it works" and "wants to be helpful," but the interview is looking for "marketing," "team leadership" and "self presentation" and you can't bridge the gap to sell why your actually knowing stuff about the job is in fact as good as being able to pretend you do in front of a group of managers. obviously it's not, if everybody thinks you're showing off instead of demonstrating what you know.

same thing with new friend groups. you try to act like you're not an alien who failed First Contact 101 twice and is grimly gutting out the final attempt before getting kicked from Space Exploration. Someone throws a verbal lifeline about a shared interest, and you respond like a Vegas slot machine on jackpot - light up! get loud! Vomit a heap of glittering facts at their feet! aaaaand they smile, awkwardly, go to refill their drink, and you hope like hell this is a party where there's a cat or a dog, because you always know how for the cat or the dog, even if they don't usually like people.

that's okay. they like aliens fine. and nobody else minds if you have to go home early. you know how it is.

feeling so many feelings about all of this

[passmethatcokezero]

hot and bothered... (18+ // woozi!friends with benefits au)

jihoon x fem!reader 2.7k words warnings: smut. minors dni! bff!woozi is hot and bothered at work so bff!you came to the rescue, dry humping, blowjob, needy jihoon cos why not, made so quick cos I was missing him and he has been living in my mind rent free since the day i saw him on the carts ( i wasnt same since then and thoughts have been thunk so here's a fraction of those thoughts ), just a short one, but thinking of making a part two continuation. enjoy!

“You alright?” The silence breaks, as the words from your mouth betrayed yourself. You didn’t really want to speak first, although you did feel the air has now gotten a little lighter compared earlier.

It was Seungkwan’s stupid plan; the guys had been sick of staying up all night after hours of practice for a few days now just to please their dear producer. No one can seem to thaw him, moreso pinpoint where the tension is rooted from. Obviously, it was self-inflicted pressure. Jihoon can’t understand why nobody seems to meet his expectations lately and it got bad to the point of Seokmin blaming himself for what seemed like delays but aren’t as they still got plenty of time before the next comeback. Seungkwan, hurt, seeing his talented friend’s self-esteem chase tears down his cheeks, stepped up by calling you over because “maybe you can do something about your best friend,” as he said.

Jihoon sighed as he slumps his body deep in his chair. You’ve made your presence known since earlier when Soonyoung was trying to ease the tension but you kept your mouth shut or else Jihoon might explode knowing you’re just going to take the poor boy’s side who was even more in tears brought therein by your comforting strokes on his arm. “You came here for what exactly?”

“Excuse me?” you scoffed at his words. “Seungkwan called me. For some reason I thought I was coming for a celebration and yet…”

Silence takes over once again. The boys had long been gone since Bumzu initiated that everyone should take a breather first, and secretly asking you to stay and maybe help clear up your friend’s mind. “I don’t even know why the boys kept on doing this, okay? Suddenly all the pressure’s on me whenever you’re acting up.”

You did not want to say it, but it had been a long day at work and hearing his snarky voice ticked you in a bad way.

“I am just tired.” Jihoon says almost immediately, as if not wanting you to say anything more. He massaged his temples and continued, “...tired as fuck.”

“But that does not excuse that kind of attitude!” you stood from the couch, rising with the tension inside the room. “You’re being too hard on the boys and yourself. Again.” You cursed under your breath, realizing the cringy tone that just left your mouth. The last time the same exact nagging tone came out, Jihoon’s anxiety was having a field day in his brain just like earlier, and you did not expect what happened after.

And then it came to you. Soon you were flooded with flashbacks from what happened that night: Jihoon aggressively pinning you by the door, meaning to actually open it and let you out, when all of a sudden you pulled him into an embrace in an attempt to calm him down, crashing your lips to his after a long eye-fucking, breath kissing when you caught him off guard, blushing from the sudden warmth. Not long after he responded, kissing you hard as if you were not just shedding tears arguing with him over his sharp words when you were just asking him to simply breathe during a heated exchange with Soonyoung over the phone. The kiss went wild yet slowly turned comfortable as he kept on apologizing, feeling your hot tears meet his burning red cheeks. You figured he needed it that time, like a de-stressor of some sorts, and so you let his mouth conquer yours as a way to help.

That kiss went longer than what friends could actually share. But if it's the only way to keep your friend sane that moment, you suppose you can let him use you as long as he is not going to be weird about it right after. Which he did, or so you thought.

Because that day never left his mind. He was not sure why you let him kiss you like that that night, nor why you did not even bother to ask about it days, weeks after. A bit hurt that it seemed like a casual thing for you, but for him it meant healing, washing away the anxiety clouding his thinking. That moment stayed on his mind unhealthily long, almost turned into songs he would never write and let you hear, even causing him to get wet dreams for quite a while. But of course, no one could know. Not about the kiss. Not even his budding feelings towards his best friend.

“Jihoon-ah…” you exhaled, turning his swivel to face you. “I can help, Just… tell me how..”

Both of you had the same thing in mind, he needed you just like that night. But why does he find it hard to admit it? 

The guy blushed in pink, avoiding your eyes at all cost, acting as if in deep-thought. “I…”

“Look at me,” he obeys in a second, but his eyes can't help but fall into your lips inches away from him. “Do you want…. my help?”

He nods subtly as an answer, but you can’t just accept that. You needed him firm, an answer to also clear your doubts about the way his eyes are glued to your lips, his ears blushed to the reddest of red, and the way his adam’s apple bobbed up and down when you leaned in closer: is he nervous because he’s uncomfortable? or was he nervous because you suddenly make him be?

“Yeah…” his breath hitches, the side of your lips upturns.

“Then say it—”

“I need you,” he reveals his innermost desire as he scrambles to his feet and catches your lips like he has been waiting for it for centuries.

Just like the first time, the kiss deepens instantly as you two found a comfortable position on the couch, you settling on his lap, arms around his shoulders. You two couldn't even care less if the door had been left unlocked when the people had left. It’s just your mouth sharing warmth with his; tongues dancing together in harmony. Just like the first time, he was craving for more, and he was able to relay that message when his teeth grazed at your lower lip, causing a moan to escape your lungs. He too groaned and by then you realized he is now rock hard underneath your heat, his thin shorts revealing himself to your clothed mound. 

“Fuck…” you did not expect yourself to be so turned on knowing you made your best friend erect just like that. All you did was wet kissing and well, maybe sitting right above his cock was what it all took.

You arched your back when you felt him squirm underneath you. He was definitely trying to move and find his rhythm, you thought, so you matched with his and rolled your hips against his erection.

“Damn….” he moaned so deeply with his hoarse voice. The friction between your clothed pussy and his bulge was enough to send you dripping to your core. Not even him, the most rational person you knew, can think straight at a moment like this: does he want to kiss your neck or pull you for another tongue wrestling? Does he want to tear all the annoying garments away from you? Does he want to set his cock free and let you sit on it, ride it if it’s too tempting for you? There’s one thing he knows though, he does not want to stop humping for now. The kind of pleasure the friction is giving him, plus the fact that he was doing such an erotic activity with not just any person but his best friend he had been fantasizing about lately was enough to send him nuts. He cannot even fathom what would happen if this escalates to something more, just having your warmth and your equally heightened libido had his focus on the now.

“You’re so hard, Jihoon.”

It felt so good and ego-boosting at the same time. Is he having a good time as well? He seems to like it as much as you do. His erection and hip movements to meet yours say it all: he wants you so bad and you feel proud someone actually desires you that much. When even was the last time you got laid? Was it a very long time ago? You aren’t sexually active yourself, and surprisingly, you’ve never been in a serious relationship as well. Maybe it wasn’t your priority, but having this heated session with your friend, you realized, you also craved to be touched, and be wanted. You wanted to be kissed deeply and ravenously, to be held possessively, and to be wanted as hungrily as how Jihoon was making you feel. Exactly as how Jihoon is obsessing for all that you are right now.

“Touch me. Please, Jihoon…” 

The dry humping must have had a drug, you thought. How come having all these annoying barriers on your skin makes all these way hotter than you thought it could be? Especially when Jihoon’s feisty hands made their way from your waist to the insides of your shirt while his sloppy kisses made their way to your neck. His cold hands cupping your breasts send electricity to your spine, causing you to moan out his name as dirty and needy as possible. Who could blame you, he was making you feel so good. His hands that created masterpieces are now invading your privacy, so sweetly yet so heavy with emotions. It was as if he was milking out lyrics to an explicit love song out of you, to match the melodies coming out of your lungs that harmonize with his.

“You’re so fucking hot, you know that?” he managed to say between breaths, as he enjoys playing with your now slightly free breasts that had slipped out of your bra. He is still a boy, you found that out long time ago, when you’ve caught him subtly staring at your chest during that one listening party night you were his plus one at a bar hosted by a producer friend and you just had to wear something skimpy and rather revealing, something to match the R&B vibe of the album. He did catch himself as well staring that time, and proceeded to lend you his suit because “the bartender was having the time of his life flirting with you," - went his alibi.

“Yeah? That’s why you wanted me so bad huh?—oh shit!” you moaned out loud when his hold on you became heavier, pushing you down to his hardened cock as if there were anymore spaces left in between.

Mouths agape, together you humped against each other's heat, only moans were resonating inside his studio alongside a minute sound of the friction cause by the fabrics.

“Fuck I think gonna cum, fuck,” Jihoon cursed, while his eyes were shut and his teeth gritted to concentration. “Fuck,” he humps against you harder as curses kept on rolling from his tongue, while your hips rolled faster to meet his tempo, moans pitched higher and higher. You were also close, and suddenly you were reminded this isn’t about you. You were helping your friend. And you gotta do what you gotta do.

“Wai-wha—what are you doing?” his voice sounded annoyed but you know better than to answer him. Legs folding on the floor as you positioned yourself in between his, not wasting time in pulling twice the constraints that were his shorts and underwear. His cock sprung healthily, all pink and angry, veins bulging out as if wanted to be traced by your tongue.

He hissed out of breath, confused if he wanted to surrender on the couch or look at you in a position he had only dreamt of once. 

No words need exchanging as you started sucking him off right there, mixing his precum with saliva, coating him down until your mouth can take. He had praises for you behind his teeth but all he could let out were needy guttural moans that translated how good you were making him feel anyway. You let his moans and the sight of him all sweaty and consumed fuck your system as the pool in your south continued to dampen your undies, the insides of your thighs getting ticklish, missing the attention it has gotten from him. Oh how badly you wanted him to fuck you right then and there, how badly you want him bucking his hips and drilling you so deep, how badly you wanted this thick cock of his inside you, stretching you oh so painfully yet so pleasurable.

“fuck… cant… anymore…” his shaky words were almost inaudible from all the dirty noises he was making, sounding even more gibberish while his body moved erratically to fuck your mouth, hands glued to your head to try to get his momentum, which did not take long as strings of cum exploded inside your mouth. You were quick to swallow, but most of his loads were still overflowing, racing down to your chin straight to your neck. It was one heck of a view, he thinks, as his chest heaves chasing his breath while appreciating a bit of the scene: his softening cock popping out of your mouth, before almost passing out.

“that was… really good.” it was probably an understatement to the euphoric climax he just had; his mind was still hazy from the release so he cannot find the correct words to tell you. But you were fine, the moans already sounded like praises to you. “That feels much better than I do with my own.”

“Of course it would,” you gave him a peck on the corner of his lips, and then dusting off the wrinkles on your clothes and adjusting your bra. “Takes two to tango.”

Confusion was then plastered on his face when you began fixing your hair and proceeding to face your back to grab your bag you left by the table. “What are you doing?”

“Leaving?”

“Who said you are?”

Somewhere in the room, his phone rings which he attentively checks. The name wasn’t supposed to annoy the hell out of him, but right now it almost spelled like a curse to him.

“You’re not leaving, please.” he grabs your hand as he takes the call from Bumzu. He knows you did not have your release, and he doesn’t want you carrying all that unreleased tension inside you when he himself had the best one tonight. 

You heard the other line asking how he was feeling now and that he had left something inside the studio and if it’s okay to go and get it. Jihoon agrees, not without a defeated sigh and a click of his tongue only you can hear.

“You know the passcode right? I think I’ll take my leave tonight, I don’t think I can wring anything out of my mind at this rate.”

You looked at him while shaking your head as a smirk forms on your mouth, furrowing your eyebrows at him as if asking him what he was saying.

“Sure, actually we’ve been meaning to tell you that.” Bumzu seconds him, and asks about you right after. You heard him say Seokmin and Seungkwan had been asking if you weren’t busy and maybe hangout for a while as a way to thank you from earlier. Both guys had always been the sweetest among the bunch and although it was only out of courtesy, Jihoon can’t help but fume in jealousy, making himself lie to keep you in his (and ONLY HIS) sight for a while.

“She just left, I think she said she’s going for an early appointment tomorrow,” and ends the call soon when Bumzu bids his farewell and hopes of him getting well.

“I didn’t know you can lie to your brothers,”

“For an emergency yeah,” he hasn’t let go of your hand yet, and now he was already leading you out of his studio to the elevator.

“You could just say you’re sending me home, that would sound a lot better,”

And then what, you finding out about how the guys had been teasing him about you since day one? Of course, he won’t let that happen. Not until he finds the time to finally be honest with himself and to you.

“So… my place or yours?”

-

stay tuned for part two for the hoo-haa ;)

[hwaslayer]

wildfire (cs) | twelve.

—spotify playlist | series masterlist

—summary: assistant professor in bioengineering, incredibly attractive, lonely and divorced; that’s how most people describe san. but despite the events that have happened in his life, san has a lot going for himself. he’s a successful, sought out professor due to his brilliant contributions to science at just an early age of 32. he worked hard to get where he was now; head deep into his research, his publications, building his lab and creating a name for himself. everything was good and smooth sailing— until it wasn’t. because when he meets you, a bioengineering grad student interested in rotating in his lab, he finds himself ready to risk all the blood, sweat and tears he put in throughout the years just to keep you close— his need for you spiraling out of control like a wildfire.

—pairing: asst. professor!choi san x grad student!f. reader

—genre: (18+ - minors dni) strangers to lovers, grad school au | fluff, angst, smut

—word count: 4.8k

—chapter content/warnings: cussing, lotsa talk goin around, mostly focused on namjoon lol, i'ma tell yall rn - cant trust nobody!!, everyone is just onto san x oc but for the wrong asssss reasons, joon loves his 'yes or no' questions lmao, again - i promise you there is no ill intentions behind namjoon's actions - he is trying to see both sides but he has to do what he needs to do as a department chair first & foremost!! pls understand my guy.. he had to think quick!

Today, it feels like everyone is staring at you.

Today, it feels like everyone knows, and everyone is projecting their assumptions about you and San out into the world.

"You okay?" Eunchae looks down at you as you walk and avoid contact, keeping your eyes down on your feet below or your phone. "You're awfully quiet today." Maybe word hasn't gotten to Eunchae, Jurin or Felix yet, but you know it'll eventually make its way over.

Or, maybe they have heard and they're just waiting for you.

All you know is that you wanna hide under your blankets to prevent all this overthinking, this anxiety from feeling like everyone is watching you.

"Yeah. Just tired."

"You sure? I'm all ears, you know."

"Mhm." You give her a small reassuring smile as you tug on your bag. "Thank you."

"Course."

"Have you heard from Jiung today?" You ask. You haven't really talked to Jiung since your fight at the happy hour event, and he hasn't done much to talk to you either. It's a bit awkward, but whenever you and your friends are all together, you try to keep the peace and act like nothing is wrong. You do hope he's okay, and you do hope to have your bestfriend back— but you're still upset at the fact that he jumped to conclusions about San and accused him of forcing you into this.

"No. But, he did say he probably wasn't gonna grab lunch cause he needs to take care of some things."

"I see."

"I'll see you for lunch though, right?" You nod, just as the Biology building comes into view. "Goodluck with class today." 

"Thanks." You squeeze her hand before heading inside for class. Luckily, Yunho said he wouldn't be able to join class today. You weren't really in the mood to deal with him, and you're more so worried about getting through class in one piece before your mind tears you apart with all this overthinking. 

"Morning Y/N!" A student already sitting in the classroom says. You're instantly comforted as you greet them back and start getting set up at the front of the classroom. But, that instantly goes down the drain when two more students walk in together— eyeing you as they pass the front table before talking amongst each other.

Fuck.

You haven't heard from San either.

The world truly felt like it was swallowing you whole.

—FLASHBACK

"Hey! I'm back." You smile at Sunwoo as you place your things down at your desk. It instantly fades when you get a chance to look around the basement office, a few of your lab members talking amongst themselves while looking in your direction. You slightly furrow your brows, wondering what exactly they were talking about or why they felt the need to be doing all of that in your face.

Was everyone in on you and San?

Is this what everything has come to?

"Hey you!" Sunwoo looks up, noticing the shift in your mood. He turns to look at everyone, shaking his head before returning his attention towards you. At this point, everyone has returned to their desks or left the room to head into the behavior or wet lab rooms. "You good?"

"Hm." You hum. "I guess."

"You guess? How was the conference?"

"Good! It was chill. Jotted down a few presentations I wanted to share with you and Belle. Is she around?" He shakes his head.

"Haven't seen her."

"Hm, okay."

"You can tell me, I'm all ears." You look at your watch.

"I gotta run behavior soon."

"So, let's grab something quick to eat before you run behavior?"

"I'm down. Kinda starving anyway."

"Yeah, let's get something in you. You won't be able to focus otherwise." He stands and stretches before nodding towards the door. "So, what was the most interesting?" You follow behind him with your wallet clutched in hand, lingering eyes watching as you leave with Sunwoo.

"Maybe she's trying to get around the lab?" You overhear one of the guys say just as you walk out of the room with Sunwoo, pausing in your steps.

"Sunwoo."

"Huh?"

"Actually, you know what. I think I can hang on until dinner. I should get started on behavior. We can talk about this another time."

"Huh? No, let's get something really quick."

"You can go ahead without me. Sorry. I just realized I'm more strapped on time than I thought I was."

"Okay? But, I'm grabbing you a snack and you better eat it." He slowly starts walking backwards down the basement hallway, glaring at you.

"Thank you." Sunwoo watches as your head falls when you walk back into the basement office. Truth be told, he's been hearing the talk go around, but he's not one to meddle— especially if it has something to do with his good friends. He'll always be on your side, regardless of what people say or think.

And he feels awful it's starting to be more obvious around you. The talk. The looks.

He wishes he could do more as your friend to help keep it away from you.

—END

Namjoon is already having a rough start to his day despite it being one of the lighter days meeting-wise. He was woken up to an urgent, sensitive email from the dean about an anonymous tip that came in overnight about San:

Namjoon— Please get to the bottom of this; we received this tip last night about San and his student.  'Hi. I'm not sure who to direct this concern to anonymously, but I believe Y/N Y/L/N and Professor Choi (San) are in an inappropriate relationship. I think she might be using it to her advantage to move forward in the program and secure her spot in his lab.' I'd like to resolve this before the end of the week. This should not be taken lightly if this is true...

And the thing is— he's just frustrated that this has been taking up this time lately. He hasn't even gotten his own time to think properly. He could only sigh in disappointment as he got ready for his day, unsure of what else it could bring him. 

He should've known the storm was coming.

Iseul tugs on her jacket as she heads over to the Panama Building, the wind cooling her cheeks as she made sure to clear her hour for this particular meeting. Most students are in class right now, so the halls are quiet, still. Iseul takes the elevator up to the second floor and steps out, rushing down towards the left end of the hall.

"Namjoon." Namjoon turns over his shoulder to see Iseul. His door is wide open since he doesn't have any important meetings for awhile, and he always tries to foster a welcoming environment by letting students [and faculty] know they're always welcome to pop in if they need him.

He did not mean her though, especially today.

"Iseul."

"Can we talk?" Namjoon quickly sizes her, realizing she's already inside his office. He doesn't necessarily have a choice, but he knows this talk was gonna happen sooner or later.

He knows Iseul always has something to say.

"You're already in my office so I don't think there's necessarily a choice." He says it in a slightly playful manner just so he doesn't come off entirely rude. "What's on your mind?" Iseul shuts the door and crosses her arms before looking at him. Namjoon sits on the edge of his desk, hands loosely clasped together.

"I think you might already know." He shrugs.

"Enlighten me."

"San."

"What about him?"

"Can you let him know how dangerous it is to be dating his rotation student? He's being stupid."

"He's a grown man."

"And you're the chair."

"Thanks for the reminder." He furrows his brows. "Respectfully Iseul, this is not a discussion for you, that's why I'm not trying to indulge."

"How is this not? He's putting his reputation on the line, along with the school's. Including yours—"

"I don't see where you're involved. You don't have anything to do with him directly or the bioengineering department." He crosses his arms and stands. "I appreciate you bringing this to my attention, but this wasn't your place to do so. I'll handle it and I'll take care of it, so you don't need to worry." Namjoon glares at her a bit. 

"You're being so casual about something pretty severe." Namjoon pauses as he maintains his eye contact with her. She wants him to shrink and fold, but he won't.

"I think we both know that's not the reason why you're bringing this up." Her brows are knit tightly as they sit in an awkward, tense pause. "Aren't you tired of treating San this way? Why exactly do you feel so strongly about calling him out?"

"I'm not even doing anything to him—"

"You're right, you're not. You don't respect him, you don't acknowledge him, you don't know how to be civil with him. Yet, you don't see me calling you out on your behavior towards your ex-husband who has done nothing but try and keep the peace. I only ever hear San's name come out of your mouth when you've got something bad to say about him." She glares at him. As much as Namjoon equally tries to be there for all of the faculty and to not choose sides, one thing that can surely piss him off is when people act this way unwarranted.

So no, he won't sit back if he feels the hostility. He understands the severity of the situation and he has yet to gather his thoughts and his information, but he won't take this.

"So, you're gonna let this go? Do you even actually understand the situation, Namjoon? If you won't take care of it, I'll have no choice but to escalate this to the dean."

"I do, plenty. You don't have to tell me twice or how to do my job, Iseul." He walks over to the door. "I already said I'll take care of it. On my own terms and in my own way. Not the way you want me to." He places a hand on his hip. "And what makes you think we haven't already discussed this?"

"Fine. If that girl ruins everything for the school—"

"She won't." Namjoon cuts her off just as he swings the door open. "This will be taken care of, end of story. Is there anything else I can help you with that doesn't involve San and his personal matters?"

"No." She huffs a bit before walking out of the room. At this point, Jiung is cutting the corner and almost running into Iseul as he makes his way to Namjoon's office. Jiung does a curt bow to Iseul as she storms by, heels clicking away on the linoleum floor. Her feet are heavy, Jiung feels every step even as she gets further and further away.

"Oh, Jiung. Nice to see a friendly face." Namjoon lets out a breath and gives him a toothless smile. 

"Professor Kim." Jiung gives him a bow. "Are you free right now?"

"Mhm." He steps aside. "Just finished with Professor Lee. Come on in." He welcomes him inside, a bit relieved to see his face and to be welcomed by his gentle aura. It's nothing like Iseul and he's grateful; although, it does make him a little nervous to see Jiung in his office when he doesn't necessarily belong to the department. 

And just like Iseul, the buzz around campus, everything that's been going down— Namjoon already feels like he knows what this is about.

The only thing he can do is confront it and take care of it just like he told Iseul he'd do. But, how? He's not sure. He's gonna have to take the time today to sit San down and poke at his brain because he's just not understanding how all of this went down and why his name and your name are being tossed around together.

Maybe he just didn't wanna believe it was true; not with San, no. He couldn't. Both as his friend and colleague.

"What can I help with? I'm a little surprised you're popping into my office since you're in the electrical engineering department."

"Ah, cause.." Jiung slowly sits in the chair and sets his bag down. "It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with me." Namjoon cocks his head to the side.

"Okay, no worries. I'm all ears."

"I-I don't really know how to say this, but I'm mainly concerned about a friend. She's in the bioengineering department."

"I think I might know what you're talking about." Namjoon says, giving Jiung a nod to proceed with his explanation.

"Yeah, it's that. I feel like Professor Choi might have forced her into it, though. It just seems really out of character for Y/N, and I don't know. I guess it just feels like he might have said something or tried to take advantage of her."

"I understand your concern for your friend, but can you let me know why you think Professor Choi is taking advantage of her or forcing her into this?"

"I just.. it just seems off, is all."

"But, what if this is also Y/N's choice?"

"It's not like her."

"I'm not saying you don't know your friend, Jiung. But, there are things people are fully capable of doing that can come off as unexpected from your point of view."

"I talked to her after the whole happy hour thing went down and I found Professor Choi kinda cornering her against the wall. She didn't look scared or anything, but she did get defensive while I was talking to her and asking her about it."

"I see." Is all Namjoon says because one, he just doesn't know. Just like he told Jiung, there are probably things he doesn't know San is capable of doing. He needs to talk to him and that's the only way he'll get the proper story. The only way to get to the bottom of it is finally confronting San about the issue at hand. 

Face to face.

To be honest, he's been putting off the conversation because it's not a conversation he wants to have. It's not easy, nor will the decision at the end be something he wants to do— but he has to.

"I'm sorry, Professor Kim. I don't mean to add to your plate, but I got worried."

"Is Y/N doing okay otherwise?" He nods.

"Think so. She hasn't been saying much. We got into a fight after I confronted her so we haven't been talking."

"Sorry to hear that. I'm sure things will smooth over sooner or later." Namjoon says. "Is there anything else you'd like to let me know?"

"No, that's all. I'm sorry I don't have much details, I'm just worried about her."

"All good, I understand. I'm sure she appreciates it, too. She's lucky to have a friend like you by her side."

"Thanks, Professor Kim. For hearing me out."

"Sure. I'll take care of it and see what I can do, okay?" Jiung nods and stands, slipping his bag strap over his shoulder.

"Can we keep this between us? Please don't mention that I stopped by."

"Of course." Namjoon says softly as he stands to walk him to the dior. "Of course." He repeats.

"Thanks."

"I just can't promise you I'll have any updates cause it'll be pretty confidential moving forward."

"It's fine. I get it." Jiung stops right before he steps out the door. "Thank you again."

"No problem. You know how to reach me if you have any other concerns." Jiung nods before slipping through the door and taking his exit. Namjoon exhales heavily before pulling out his phone to text the person he needs—

namjoon: can we talk in my office? i'd rather much do this today, not later. 

namjoon: i'm free for the next hour and half.

san: yeah. i'll be there in 15 minutes.

namjoon: thanks.

He sighs again, pinching the bridge of his nose as he tries to gather his thoughts. It's the hardest thing to approach this as a colleague rather than a friend because as a friend, Namjoon would let this go. He knows San deserves to be happy, and it sounds like he is. That's all he's ever wanted for him especially after all the hurt and pain he had gone through with Iseul and Yunho. But as a colleague, his 'higher-up' even, it's wrong. San's happiness is wrong because it's with his student. A student who is a grown adult who can make decisions for themselves. It's wrong.

So, what does he do?

He feels a migraine coming on, so he tries to busy himself with some emails, making sure deadlines and reports have been submitted. Luckily, the dean is giving him some time and isn't pressing him for answers right this second even though he knows it's on his mind. If he was, Namjoon wasn't sure what he'd say.

He's not sure how he'll get San out of this.

"Yo." San appears in his office, softly shutting the door behind him. 

"Take a seat." San immediately picks up on the vibe in the room and how stressed Namjoon looks. He knows they still need to talk about things, but something tells San it's become much deeper than that and he's not prepared for it whatsoever. No matter how hard he tried to prepare, there's no proper way to be fully prepared.

"You okay?"

"Honestly, I don't know." He sits back a bit, hands clasped on the surface of the table. "But, I'm just gonna get right to it because I think this is way overdue."

"Okay." San manages to respond softly.

"We need to talk about what happened at the happy hour event the other day, plus that whole thing with Iseul and Yunho." Namjoon pauses before he cuts to the chase. "San, why do I keep getting wind of you being in a relationship with your rotation student?" Silence. "Y/N, to be exact." He looks at him. "Is that what the whole happy hour thing was about? Is that what you three were discussing in the conference room yesterday?" He sighs. "I was try to push this off a little longer until I could figure out how to get you out of this, but word keeps going around and it definitely didn't help that you three had a screaming match about it." San sighs heavily as he sinks into the chair.

"Well, as far as I know, I wasn't planning on discussing my personal matters with Yunho and Iseul. They trapped me into the fucking—"

"San." Namjoon stops him. "Is it a yes or no?" Pause. San just looks at Namjoon and it's enough for him to put the final piece together. Everything had been about you from the get-go, but San still won't say it. He's doing everything to protect you, but this might be it; there's no way he can lie to Namjoon about this, or hide this from him any longer.

It's far too late for that.

"San." He repeats. "This is not the time to try and lie to me. I had two people talk to me about it and an anonymous tip came in that was sent my way."

"Who?"

"It doesn't matter." Namjoon furrows his brows and lets out a heavy exhale. "I need the truth from you. Now." The exasperated sigh that leaves San's lips is full of emotions; fear, anxiety, protectiveness, even.

"I'm sorry." Is all San can respond with. It comes out low, barely above a whisper.

"Why?" Namjoon cocks his head to the side, hands on his hips. "Why? I just wanna know why!" His voice is harsh, but he keeps his tone low. "A student, your student? It's damn near everywhere, you know that, right? I don't know how I'm gonna fix this for you, but you know they'll take action against her and probably you—"

"Namjoon, please." San pleads. "Please don't do this to her. Don't take her out of the program. Do whatever you need to me, but don't take it out on her."

"San." Namjoon pinches the bridge of his nose before letting out an exasperated sigh. "You should've known better." He looks at him, but San can't even respond. All he can do is shrug and shake his head because he did know better, he just didn't wanna do better and chose to be selfish. "I need to figure this out before end of the day and report back to the dean. I can't force you to act a certain way or do things you don't wanna do. But, for this reason in particular, I'm gonna need you two to stop. You're not interacting with her on campus, you're not going to be involved in anything having to do with her moving forward." Namjoon shakes his head. "You both couldn't wait until graduation or something? I know it's years ahead but you know how this looks—"

"I— no. Things just happened. That's really the only way I can explain it. I'm sorry. The hell am I supposed to do? I can't help but feel how I feel for her." Namjoon sighs heavily, feeling torn between wanting his friend to be happy, but concerned and disappointed for his colleague.

"That isn't gonna fly. You knew better than to get involved with a student in your lab. You can't just risk everything you've built for yourself, San. You have no idea how much trouble you could get into if the school finds out just exactly how deep your relationship has gotten with her— let alone, your own rotation student!" His tone slight rises, but it falls when he sees San visibly shrink and lose eye contact with him. He paces around for a bit, hands still on his hips as he tries to figure out a way to brush this over before it gets way too messy and complicated. "I get you. I do. You deserve to be happy, and who the hell am I to police your actions? But, I can't have you do this to yourself or her. The both of you are grown so I expected you to do better."

"So, what's gonna happen?"

"Well, I'll need to let them know this isn't true and that you two aren't in a relationship. I'll have to remove her from your lab and I'll need to figure out where I can place her or what I can do for her." 

"They won't kick her out, right?"

"Honestly, I can't even be sure. I don't think so, but you two will definitely not be allowed to be near or around each other." Namjoon looks at him. "Are you not even worried about yourself?"

"No, I'm not."

"She's worth it to you?"

"More than anything." San says softly. "Look, it's cliché but you really don't understand." Namjoon shrugs.

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't. I don't wanna take your happiness away, San. Believe me. That's the last thing I wanna do and this is already difficult as is. But, it just had to be her?"

"It did, yeah. And there's nothing I regret about it." Another small silence falls between them before Joon speaks up again.

"Do you get where people are taking this?"

"No, quite frankly, I don't."

"Favoritism, like you two are taking advantage of each other for benefits. It's becoming so noticeable that people are talking."

"You and I both know how great of a student she is. If she's received opportunities, it's because she earned them herself, not because of me."

"That's not how it looks. And perception matters. You know this. Relationships like this are literally a ticking time bomb for your career, the bioengineering department." He's gonna use the excuse that Iseul pulled because for him, as department chair, as someone who needs to keep the glue together for this department, it's true. 

"I don't even see how we're doing anything wrong when we're both adults. She and I both know what this is—"

"That doesn't matter in this situation. There's a power dynamic here you can't ignore. Even if this is real, you hold her future in your hands. Do you understand?" Joon exhales, brows tightly knit together. "What about her fate in this whole situation? Do you care about that?"

"Of course I do. I care about her more than anything." San responds almost exasperatedly.

"Do you love her?"

"If I say yes?"

"Then, tell me. If you had to choose between your relationship or keeping her here, then what?" San sighs and runs his hand down his face. "Think about it. You deserve to be happy, but that girl also deserves a chance to keep going."

"Why can't we just keep it on the low, why do I have to choose? W-we can be more careful—"

"San, don't be stupid. I'm sure 'being careful' is how this all started, right?" Silence. "You know people are going to find out one way or another. It won't matter how real this is to you, to the both of you. She'll be branded as the professor's pet. Is that what you want for her? And you'll lose everything—your job, your reputation, ability to work at other institutions. Plus, the dean is still thinking about your program with Jongho and the real estate. This is going to trickle onto Jongho, too."

"No, of course not. And I don't want Jongho to take a fall because of me. But.." San sighs, his heart breaking the more this conversation goes on. He wasn't prepared to be here today, no. And he wasn't prepared for his mind to start thinking otherwise about your relationship, you. He was always sure of you, but now he's starting to feel like he's been too selfish;

Neglected you and your future plans. Your dreams, your goals.

"You're asking me to break this off. To break off my relationship with someone I truly care about and someone that genuinely makes me happy. Something I haven't felt in a long time."

"I'm sorry, San. I already told you how difficult this is, and it's not my intention to take your happiness away. I just need to protect you two from everyone, especially the dean. Please understand me and hear me. I'm asking you to protect her this way. If anything happens, it'll be the both of you going down and you know she doesn't deserve that either. "

"And If I don't do this?" San asks just to put the question out there.

"Then, can you call it love? Or is it just you being selfish?" San leans onto his knees, head falling into his hands. "I'm trying to come from a good place. Help me help you." He feels a headache coming on, thoughts running at a thousand miles per hour. He hates the thought of losing you; it makes him sick to his stomach. But, he can't even lie and say there isn't a piece of truth behind Namjoon's words. 

Can San really say he loves you if he isn't doing the right thing for you? Is he being too selfish, assuming he could keep this on the low? Assuming he could be 'more' careful with you?

Is he selfish for wanting you by his side no matter what? Is he selfish for saying fuck it?

Is he selfish?

The last thing he wants to do is ruin your career, ruin you. Even if this will hurt like hell, he understands where Namjoon is coming from and knows he needs to put you first.

He's so conflicted. He has no idea what to do or how to move forward. Because as much as he knows he needs to do this for you and the sake of Namjoon, he doesn't want to.

He is scared.

"I need to head back to my office." San sighs and stands, but Namjoon follows closely.

"I don't have much time. I need to let them know that something is gonna be done and I need to prove it to them. You do hear me, right?"

"I do. I just.. give me a little bit of time to think, Joon. Please." Namjoon just nods, meeting San's expression. He feels bad, he really does. And as his friend, this isn't something he wants to do— but he has to. He could easily tell San to keep this on the low, to keep this a secret until things blow over but at some point, he doesn't trust himself to continue along with the story had anyone asked about it out of the blue.

Namjoon watches as San sadly walks off back to his office, eyes trained on the phone in his hand. San sees your texts, and usually, that'll be enough to put a smile on his face. He'll text back right away so you know he's been thinking about you; but today, he's thinking about you in a different light and he's not sure how to stomach it.

When he gets back to his office, he sees a few people from the lab lingering around— even you. You meet his eyes and his eyes meet yours, but he doesn't give you a smile.

His eyes don't glow like they used to.

His cheeks aren't threatening to glow that cute, rosy tint they do when you're around.

He just steps in without doing anything to acknowledge your presence and that already feels way off.

you: 😞 you didn't even look my way when you walked back into the office and i haven't heard from you all day.

you: i hate how all my papers and presentations are due this week. plus ppl have been weird, idk. i just wanna cuddle 😭

san: i'm sorry. it's just been a day.

you: that's never stopped you before... ☹️ what's wrong, san?

san: we should talk, baby.

—read 12.5 here

—taglist: @asjkdk @interweab @woojirang @svintsandghosts @cheolliehugs @persphonesorchid @mxnsxngie @jycas @cowboydk @vcutparis @chngbnwf @struggling101 @sanhwalvr @angelqueendom @barbielibra @brown88 @choisansplushie @yunhoswrldddd @hyukssunflower @vickykazuya @lucid-galaxys-world @jaytheatiny @pommelex @thechaotictheoryy @vixensss @santineez @nopension @domfikeluva @in-somnias-world @my-atiny-kookie-rkive @mountiiny @naoristerling @onmymymyway @thecutiepieme @wyrated

[esotericbluntbaby]

confined

hamzahthefantastic x reader

description: being mandy's best friend, you were ecstatic to be her maid-of-honor, only to realize that the best man was your ex. wounds reopen when you realize you're stuck with him in more ways than one.

mentions: nsfw/smut (no p in v, but moreso oral fixations..?) , angst, both of you are lowk assholes, forced proximity, hurt/comfort, happy ending, she/her pronouns, reader wears glasses, ex! hamzah

--

"he's right next door," she took the ice bucket from the counter in front of you two, "i can go get the ice if you want."

mandy was treating you like you were fine china during an earthquake: shattered, fragile, and delicate to the touch.

you and her have been best friend since past lives, finding each other in every single life you've lived. she understood you as well as you understood her, leading to a bond that was irreplaceable and youthful. so, when she asked you to be her maid-of-honor the day after martin proposed to her, you obviously checked the "yes" box of the letter she gave you. you liked martin for her; after seeing her get her heart broken by immature high schoolers a couple years ago and middle schoolers even before that, you took solace in the fact that martin genuinely cared about her in a way that radiates in the kindness he treats her with.

during this time, you and hamzah also had a bond as strong as you and mandy's. hanging out with mandy led to martin joining the hangouts, which led to hamzah joining after martin realized how lonely it must've felt to have both of your closest friends date and show their affection in front of their single friend.

throughout the hangouts, you and hamzah's relationship slowly emerged from the love that festered around you two. it was almost as if mandy and martin's emotions somehow spread into the emotions located between you and hamzah, leading to him admitting his emotions a couple of days after valentines day.

though mandy and martin got their fairytale-esque, happy "ending" in the form of a wedding, you and hamzah's fate was much more melancholy; compared to the love story you both witnessed, you and hamzah's story turned into shakespearean tragedy.

you and hamzah's relationship ended after 11 months; specifically, one month before things would have gotten to the "serious" stage. he broke up with you because he wasn't ready for things to get serious yet, as if it wasn't already. he acted as if you didn't pour the inners of your heart out to him whenever you'd whisper sweet everythings into his ear. he acted as if he didn't watch you as you slept with a look of pure bliss and engagement apparent in his eyes. you, on the other hand, acted as if it wasn't a big deal; you were never one for showing people how you feel. the people who understood you already knew that. needless to say, you and hamzah's current status was one that was ignored by the both of you. the existence of your emotions towards each other resided somewhere in the lower valleys of your heart and souls, holding on by a mere thread.

a three years ago, you would've been overjoyed with the fact that you'd be walking down the aisle with him as the last couple before mandy walked down with her father in her hand. however, with how unexpected the breakup was, nobody could have prepared the emotions that you would go through the week in the wedding.

the conversation you and mandy were having was currently in your shared hotel room which, ironically, had a single door and wall separating you from hamzah and martin. before it started storming out, mandy had gotten a glass of champagne she wanted to share with you before the wedding in three days. wanting to chill the bottle in ice first, you were conversing about who was going to go and get it from the machine.

you took the bucket from her arm, "no, it's okay. didn't martin say he needed to talk to you about your floral arrangements?"

"still, like, i wouldn't want you to just go out and possibly run into him before you're ready. we still have three days to prepare for that."

you sighed, "i don't care if i run into him, somehow. it's whatever at this point."

mandy's eyebrows furrowed slightly with worry, "are you sure you're okay with walking down the aisle with him? i get if you're uncomfortable- i can change the order, or, something-"

"mandy," you took your hands and firmly reassured her by placing them on her shoulders, "it's okay. i'll be okay. go talk to martin, i'll be back."

"okay, be safe. text me if you need anything."

--

going to the ice machine on the 9th floor, you turned the corner and walked towards the buzzing noise. the lighting of the hallways were fluorescent, with a hint of warmth in each lamp beside each door. the windows showed raindrops racing down the crevices of transparency; you could hear thunder very faintly in the background of the buzzing. reaching the ice machine, you read a sign on it written in thick, black sharpie.

broken! do not use! working ice machine on the first floor!

you looked at the map and, sighing, you walked back to the elevator and pressed the down arrow, waiting patiently for it to get to you. after hearing the ding of the elevator and watching the stainless steel doors open, you entered as your finger made it to the buttons on the side. pressing the first floor button, you stood in silence.

a part of you had been thinking about seeing hamzah this whole trip. though the other part of you hated him for how he ended things with you over some excuse, you also didn't want your best friend's wedding to be tense and full of resentment. then again, your plan was to simply walk with him and then separate for the rest of the trip and, eventually, the rest of your life. the part of you that thought about seeing hamzah was also the part of you that missed how dorky and lame he was; that was also the part of you that missed how he tasted and felt, skin to skin.

your thoughts were interrupted when you heard the ding of the door, revealing an ice machine conveniently right in front of you. taking the bucket, you placed it beneath the spout and pressed the button to fill it. suddenly, a clap of thunder caused you to jolt; you hated loud noises. you were beginning to regret leaving the hotel room.

quickly closing the bucket, you mimicked the opposite of your earlier actions: you pressed the up arrow, got in, and pressed the 9th button. you were planning on waiting patiently, once again, for the elevator ride to go smoothly. there was no one else in the elevator with you, meaning that you were free from awkward conversations with middle aged men. however, the door slid open once again and revealed the face you weren't planning on seeing tonight.

you knew hamzah liked going to the gym, however, seeing him so jacked after erasing him from your life for a full two years was an experience that you weren't able to even comprehend. his curls peeked through his beanie in a halo, slightly hiding the glimmer he always had in his dark eyes. one thing you noticed about him ever since you started dating was that he looked insanely good in simple, black clothing; currently, he was in a black tank top and black sweatpants. sweat was glistening off of his skin, providing a glow that was so lethal that it could blind you. this was your ex. you were currently admiring your ex and you hated it.

realizing it was you standing in the elevator, his eyes slightly widened at the thought of you. hamzah always enjoyed how you looked before going to bed. he liked the way your hair was let down and cascading down your back. he enjoyed how you looked with your glasses on and how smart they made you look. he admired how you slept in big t-shirts and shorts. the feelings were mutual. he was aware that it was bad he was thinking of you in this manner, however, he didn't care.

you moved aside, making room for him in the slightly cramped elevator. he walked and stood next to you, avoiding eye contact and still exchanging glances at you beside him. his hand moved towards the elevator floor buttons, soon realizing that the floor was already pressed. the elevator was quiet and you both sensed awkward tension emerging from between you two.

until, you both felt the elevator stop moving.

"uh- shouldn't we have been on our floor by now?" he questioned, breaking the awkward silence with the clearing of his throat.

you nodded, "yeah, um, it's been, like, two minutes."

"are we stuck?"

the lights went out as thunder crashed outside, causing you to jump once more. hamzah took out his phone and shined the flashlight onto you, revealing the slightly petrified expression held in your furrowed eyebrows and parted mouth.

he softly spoke, "hey, it's okay. i'm sure it'll come on soon."

you took out your phone and attempted to text mandy, ultimately failing when you realized there was no signal inside of the elevator.

"i'm not getting any signal, are you?"

he checked, "no, i'm not."

--

after the man on the elevator's loudspeaker told you that you had to wait for the storm to clear in order to be rescued, you could almost feel your heart drop down to your stomach. you were currently stuck in an elevator with the man that broke your heart and left you emotionally bruised for months.

you both sat on the floor on opposite sides. since there was no signal, there wasn't much to do other than sit there and stare at seemingly everything except each other; that was, until hamzah broke the silence.

"so.."

you made eye contact with him, a familiar feeling of nostalgic warmth entering your system. this wasn't to say that you completely forgot about what he did. that feeling lasted a second or two, before it was replaced with the reminders of anguish.

he continued, "how've you been?"

"fine," a tang of bitterness exited your mouth, "you?"

"i've been okay."

"cool."

"are you mad at me, still?" hamzah asked.

a look of disbelief plastered itself on your facial canvas, "are you serious?"

"look, it's not like i wanna be in this elevator with my ex either, but i am," he firmly reassured, "neither of us know when we're going to leave and neither of us can use our phones. i might as well make small talk-"

"that isn't small talk."

"then what is it?"

"it's talking about how i've been since we ended things," you sighed, "that isn't small talk. it's more than that."

a pause entered the conversation.

"okay, it isn't," his voice got softer, "i still want to know."

"fine. in reality, i ask myself what the hell i did wrong every night."

"you didn't do anything wrong-"

"well, i wasn't doing things right enough for you to stay."

silence entered the room, once again. you realized you were being snappy, but you couldn't help it. he was the reason mandy saw you as fragile and delicate. you hated him for it.

you continued, "maybe we should just stop talking. i think it's making everything even worse-"

he cut you off, "i still think about you."

"what?"

"like, i don't know, every night."

"that's such bullshit."

he scoffed, "just because i was the one that ended things doesn't mean it didn't hurt for me either."

"that's also bullshit. you chose to break up with me," you reminded, enunciating the "you", "that was your decision."

"well, you agreed, didn't you?"

"did i have a choice?"

"well-"

"no, i didn't."

hamzah took his beanie off to run his hands in his hair, allowing it to fall onto the floor beside him, "jesus fucking christ, you aren't even letting me explain."

you took a deep breath, "fine. go."

"you wanna know the real reason i broke up with you?"

"fucking obviously."

"well, smartass, i was scared, okay?"

"scared of fucking what? you think i wasn't scared-"

"if you haven't realized," hamzah got closer to you, "a relationship isn't just about you."

"y'know what, fuck you, hamzah."

he cocked his eyebrow, "what'd you just say?"

"i said fuck you. you're over here acting like you're hurt over it- acting like you weren't the one who left me when i needed you the most, giving me the most bullshit excuse. 'im not ready for things to be serious' i knew it was bullshit as soon as those words came out of your mouth," a glare overcame the admiration that was once found in your eyes, "in reality, you left me. that's all there is to it. i needed you and you fucking vanished. it's like you didn't even try-"

"don't even fucking say that," he grabbed your cheek with his hand, "i'd drink fucking poison if it tasted like you."

"what are you-"

"you think i don't regret leaving you? i do- i regret it every single fucking night when i'm laying in bed, so fucking lonely. it's like i see you everywhere, in everyone, and it just reminds me of how much i fucked up by letting you go. i miss you so fucking much, baby, you don't even understand. shit, i haven't even been able to finish ever since i left you."

a certain lust replaced the tension in the room, "what?"

"i can't even make myself finish anymore. it's been three years and i haven't gotten laid- i haven't even tried to. i knew they wouldn't be as good as you, doll."

"hamzah-"

"my question is," his face became inches apart from your face, lips being parted right in front of yours, "have you?"

you stayed in this position for another thirty seconds; you and hamzah were currently on the floor, noses practically touching from how close you two were. the tension in the room was both full of anger and sex; a concoction that shouldn't have been mixed in the first place, a cocktail that was dangerous to be drank.

"no," you swallowed, "no, i haven't."

"why is that, baby?"

your breathing became slightly heavier as nervousness was felt in the pit of your stomach, "hamzah, i can't-"

"use your words," his thumb teased your cheek in a circular motion, "why haven't you gotten with anyone since me?"

"no one could make me feel the way that you do," a tinge of dominance allowed itself to escape from you, "now, answer my question, hamzah."

"what's your question?"

"if i decided to kiss you tonight, would you just leave again?"

"fuck no-"

you latched onto him as if he was the only thing holding you together. immediately, your tongues explored each other's mouths. you both missed this feeling; you both missed this taste. hamzah tasted like the mint gum he'd always get whenever you guys would go to gas stations together; you could dive deep into how good he tasted. his hands roamed around your body, exploring a familiar lagoon that he missed swimming in.

though you enjoyed making out with him, he wanted more. unlatching from your mouth, you chased after his lips once again.

"relax, baby. i'm right here- i'm not going anywhere."

pinning you against the wall with his hands, his lips made its way to your neck. sucking and leaving bruised marks on the crevice between your shoulders and ear, you let out a small moan; it was the sweetest tune that hamzah hasn't heard in forever. he sucked harder, earning a louder and more whiny noise coming out of your mouth.

you gripped his hair in your hands tightly, "fuck, hamzah- i missed you so much."

leaving a kiss on your neck, he moved onto your collarbone, kissing and sucking softly. hamzah was marking you as if he needed people to know you were his, which he, in fact, did. low moans exited his mouth the more he sucked the soft and supple skin that was exposed. the more he marked, the harder you breathed and begged for more.

he remembered the soft spot that you had from three years ago: a specific area on your neck closer to your ear. taking that area he kissed it with a softness you haven't felt in years, then continued to suck a dark purple bruise with a roughness you craved in his absense. hearing the moan you let out, you felt hamzah grin against your skin.

afterwards, he decided to bite the area, causing a soft scream exit the back of your throat. gripping onto his hair harder, he led out a low groan. you both had no plans on stopping, until the power went back on.

hamzah stared at all the marks he made on you, as if he was picasso and you were his canvas. both of your eyes no longer held resentment: instead, adoration and love appeared in the glint of your irises. you noticed that hamzah's hair was a mess, as well as yours, as you both attempted to catch your breaths.

"what do we tell mandy?"

you were confused, "what?"

"uh, i kinda-"

you noticed your reflection in the stainless steel walls; you looked like you were attacked by a leaf blower in the reverse setting.

your eyes enlarged, "holy shit-"

"i'm sorry, did i go too far?"

"no, baby," you kissed him lightly on the lips, "i wanted you to go that far."

"i'm sorry for hurting you. i was already planning on apologizing during this trip," he held your hand, "but, now, i wanna ask you something else."

"which is?"

"will you take me back?"

"you gotta convince me that it'll be worth it."

he kissed your forehead, "even if it takes my whole life and everything i have. i promise you."

--

author's note

do u guys want more nsfw.. or do i stick to my angst with no smut...

[igorluvr]

'MAY YOU NEVER FORGET ME

PAIRING: choi su-bong (thanos) x fem!reader

SYNOPSIS: depression had always been a huge issue for you, covering it up with empty joy. so what would happen if you found someone just like you, who was willing to change for your sake?

WARNINGS: heavy angst, mature themes, mental health issues, implied self harm, depression, panic attacks, insecurities, guns, negative self talk, suicidal thoughts/actions!!!!!!, main character death

AUTHORS NOTE: spoiled y’all with tm fluff, gotta remind u shit ain’t sweet round here.

words: [25k]

YOU were never truly "okay". Even though you always claimed to be, faking a smile when on the inside your whole world felt like it was collapsing. The last thing you wanted was for people to worry about you. Because if they did, they might discover the tangled mess of emotions you kept hidden away. Instead, you committed to putting on a face of bravery, drowning your pain in corny jokes and soulless smiles. While your heart still ached with that same emptiness you'd been feeling for years on end, doing this was easier than trying to explain the darkness that lurked beneath your surface.

You dreaded that one day, your facade would crack and everything would come tumbling down, revealing the emotions you tried so hard to protect everyone from. So, you continued to mask your emotions and if you let your act slip, you’d brush it off and tell them you were just tired. Every lie felt like it was putting more weight on your shoulders, but it was weight you were used to carrying.

Deep down you longed for someone to notice that you weren’t okay, to see beyond the smile and recognize the pain. But you knew that you made it almost impossible for someone to notice that anything was wrong.

Or so you thought, until you stumbled across the explosive personality of a man by the name of Thanos. Honestly, you were jealous of how well he carried himself. He seemed to be one of the only people here that was carefree, even if he is pumped with drugs. Looking at him in awe, you wondered how he did it, staying okay in a place like this.

Even though your mind was hyper focused on the eccentric man, you were completely unaware of how you stood out to him almost immediately. It wasn’t because you were annoying and obnoxious like everyone else here, it was because you two were the same.

You had some major personality differences, as you were more on the quiet and bubbly side. But Thanos used to be just like you. So the smile fading when all eyes were off of you, random mood swings, nonstop jokes, constantly tugging your sleeves down the second they rolled up, tears swelling in your eyes when nobody was around. He noticed.

He never got better, though. Just found ways of dealing with it. Using drugs and music as outlets of his depression. Thanos could tell you didn’t have anything like that, just letting all the pain seep in and build up inside of you. He wanted to help you before it got too much, how it almost did for him.

As he approached you, a confused look formed on your face. You’d never said anything to him or saw him look your way, so why was he suddenly trying to talk to you?

“What’s got you in here, babydoll?” he pondered “you look too sweet to be in any debt.”

At first, the sudden interest in your background confused you. You stared blankly for a couple seconds before remembering that you knew nobody else here, so what was the harm in opening up to this complete stranger?

“Student loan debt. Guess that’s what I get for going to an ivy league with barely any money” You laugh. Even though this was sort of a sensitive topic for you, having got into your dream school still having things going wrong, you tried to laugh about it.

Thanos could tell though. He saw the way your smile faltered a bit, how you lost the shine in your eyes. “I like you, stay close to me okay?” He said, eyes focused on you with nothing but pure intentions.

Why did he choose you of all people? There wasn’t anything interesting about your appearance, or how you acted. In that moment, as Thanos leaned back against the wall and settled in beside you, something shifted inside of you.

It was like the burden that weighed you down for so long was briefly lifted to reveal a sliver of vulnerability you kept buried for years. Maybe this strange man, with his wild presence, could see something you had long hid within yourself; a yearning for connection, a wish for someone to see and understand your struggles.

Thanos had broken through the toughness of your spirit, offering warmth and an unexpected sense of safety. Yet, the fear of being vulnerable with anyone haunted over you like a storm cloud, ready to unleash the emotions and secrets you had kept buried.

“Okay then,” Thanos said, breaking the heavy silence, “What’s the full story? It can’t just be student loans and bad choices. You look like you're carrying a world on those shoulders. But hey, I’m no therapist, just an expert in not fitting in.” His laughter was contagious and the sincerity of his tone made you wonder about the details of his own struggles.

Still, despite how much you wanted to reach out, start crying and finally release the burden you'd been carrying so long, you clung to the familiar comfort of masking how you felt, shooting him a quick smile that fell just short of genuine. It was easier to laugh it off than to reveal the chaos waiting inside.

But Thanos wasn’t easily fooled. He leaned in closer, his eyes sparkling with curiosity and sympathy. “You know, I used to think if i pushed everything down and ignored it, nobody else would notice my problems, too.” he said with a hint of vulnerability, “So I can see right through your little act sweetheart.”

You wanted to roll your eyes at the nickname but found the corner of your mouth lifting in a slight smile. Maybe it was the way his sincerity cut through your heart, or how his presence somehow felt comforting, like a thick warm blanket swallowing your body on a chilly day.

Thanos noticed your slight grin and raised an eyebrow, his own growing wider. “See? That’s the smile I like to see, we’re making progress here.” He nudged your shoulder lightly with his large ringed hand. “Come on I won’t bite, open up a little bit. Tell me about yourself like... what do like doing in your free time?”

You chuckled softly, caught off guard by his eagerness. “Um… I guess I like listening to music?” Music was one of the ways you ignored everything. As soon as you put your headphones in, it seemed like the world turned to a blur and your thoughts finally silence.

Thanos nodded, leaning back slightly, as if giving you the space to breathe yet still holding you in his gaze. “Music, huh? I get you. There’s something powerful about it. Like… a way we can hear what our voices can’t always express” he observed, seeming more immersed.

You could feel the walls you had carefully built around your emotions start to break, the cracks appearing as you considered sharing more. “Yeah, it’s like an escape” you admitted, voice softening “When everything else gets too loud, it’s the only thing that makes sense.”

He smiled gently, and you could tell he understood the depth of your words. “I get that,” he spoke gently, “It feels good to be able to… find the rhythm in chaos.” His eyes glazed over for a split second, lost in thought, before focusing back on you. “I used to write. Rhymes and lyrics, they were a way to process everything. Like my own therapy session, but with a beat.”

The way he spoke so passionately about making rhymes piqued your curiosity. You didn't take him as the creative type, definitely not poems or lyrics, but there was something about the way he mentioned it that made you want to know more. “You wrote music?” you asked, your tone neutral, but your interest piqued.

Thanos chuckled, low, and rumbling. “Still do, from time to time. Used to be big doing it but that got cut off pretty fast. Tried to let it go but… it's a part of me.” He leaned forward, his eyes taking on an intense glare. “There's something about putting words to a beat that just clicks. Like everything finally makes sense, y'know?”

You found yourself drawn into his passion, the way he spoke about music, it was infectious. And before you knew it, you were smiling again. Feeling a sense of connection with this stranger that you couldn't quite put your finger on.

You leaned in, curiosity taking control of you. “What do you mean it got cut off?” you asked, voice barely above a whisper. There was something about how his voice sounded when he said it, as if it were hit with an ache of longing and nostalgia, that made you want to know more.

Thanos’ gaze drifted off, his eyes clouding over like he was remembering something stowed deep into his mind. “I was in a competition, a rap contest” he began, his voice low and cautious. “I made it to the finale, but I fucked up. Forgot my lyrics on live TV.” He chuckled, a dry, humorless sound that sent a wave of sympathy through you. “It was a pretty public embarrassment. After that, I just… lost my drive, I guess. Didn’t feel like I could face the music scene again.”

You tilt your head, your eyes brimming with compassion as imagine how bad Thanos must've felt. “I get why you’d feel that way,” you said gently, trying to offer some advice, “But if music clearly still means a lot to you, why did you stop doing it completely?” you asked with your eyes locked on his, searching for answers in his gaze.

Thanos’ gaze snapped back to yours, like a fire igniting within them. “It’s hard to explain,” he said with a hint of roughness in his voice, “When you're up on that stage, with all those people watching you, and you mess up… it feels like you’re failing in front of the whole world. And for me, it wasn’t just about the music. It was about the persona, the image. When I messed up, it felt like I was losing myself too.” He paused, taking a breath to calm his nerves down. “But even after all this time, I still find myself writing. Like my brain's hardwired to respond to music.”

You felt a connection deepening between you, an understanding that passed the surface-level. “So, do you think you’ll ever perform again?”

Thanos hesitated, his eyes washing over with uncertainty. “I don’t know,” he admitted, his voice defeated. “Part of me misses it. The thrill of the stage, the energy of the crowd, it was amazing. But I'm also just scared. That failure keeps haunting over me, I don't wanna feel like that again.”

His honesty struck a chord within you. You could see the struggle all on his face, and it made you wish you could help him find that spark again. “It sounds like you're still searching for closure. Maybe you need to reconnect with it,” you suggested tentatively, hoping to encourage him. “Music doesn’t have to be about the fame or the competition. It can just be… for you.”

His eyes twinkled with hope, looking up at you with admiration. "Thank you, seriously," he spoke up, "Never had anyone look out for me like that." Suddenly he grabbed your hand and pulled you closer, his grip warm and reassuring.

From that moment on, you knew you'd made a friend for life. You went everywhere together, always grouping up during games and making sure each other were safe. The two of you were truly inseparable. That was, until the morning of the final game.

There were only 40 contestants left. Having lost many people close to you, shivers ran down your spine as you thought what the last mission would be. Almost every night, you had panic attacks and could barely sleep. After the 2nd game, you and Thanos moved your beds by each other in hopes of it helping the both of you calm down. Tonight, was one of the worst nights for you.

You laid in the dim scenery of the sleeping quarters, blue and red lights bouncing off of the bed frames. Your heart pounded like a drum with each beat echoing your unspoken fears. The weight of uncertainty felt as if it were crushing you, a terrible foreshadowing of the next game looming over your head.

Shadows deepened around you, contorting into horrifying shapes that mirrored the anxieties pounding at your mind. Your breaths came in quick gasps, each one capturing less air than the last. The suffocating fear of what was to come spun out of control.

You tried all the methods that helped in the past, but you couldn't focus on anything. Sweat drenched your body as the oxygen in the room seemed as it were running away from you. In your mind, all you could see were those bodies. All the blood and screams. Only one thought could form in your mind 'what if that were me?'

Beside you, Thanos stirred around, feeling the tension radiating from your body. He turned to face you, eyes flickering open, immediately aware that something was wrong. “Hey,” he murmured softly yet urgently, “what’s going on?”

You had felt the tears prick at the corners of your eyes as you whispered, “I can’t… I can’t do this. I’m so scared, Thanos. What if something happens? What if I—what if you.. die?” The words stuttered out in a rush, drenched with panic, the thought of losing him cutting through your heart like a knife.

Thanos’ expression shifted from sleepy to one of deep concern as he moved closer, his presence a calming force against the storm inside you. He gently took your hands inside his, relaxed and cautiously, and held them tightly. “Listen to me,” he said, voice low and soothing, “You’re not alone in this. I promise I’m going to do everything I can to keep us safe, both of us.”

Your breath hitched, but his gaze stayed on yours. “Remember what we talked about? We’ve been through so much together already. We can get through this too. No game is going to take me from you, not now, not ever.”

His words had felt like a lifeline, restoring you back to the world as you clung to them. You searched his eyes, your heart aching at the truth of what was unspoken between you. “But w-what if I lose you?” you choked out, vulnerable and exposed.

“I’ll fight like hell to make sure that doesn’t happen” he replied, “We’re in this together. I’m not just fighting for myself, I’m fighting for you, for us.” He leaned in closer, his forehead resting gently against yours. “I won’t let anything break us apart. I… I love you.”

His words floated in the air, a fragile yet meaningful phrase that cut through the thick tension of the moment. Your heart stuttered in your chest, caught off guard by the intensity and sincerity in Thanos’ voice.

You swore off of telling anybody that for a long time. But still, you couldn't help but feel the warmth radiating between you, a spark of connection glowing in the darkness. A wave of emotions crashed over you, joy and confusion mixing in a twister of emotions.

For a split second, all of your worries vanished. What laid ahead, the uncertainty of the games, the horrifying fear of loss. All of it faded away with just his 3 words. You swallowed hard, the weight of your anxiety lifting just enough to let something else in; love.

“Thanos…” you said softly, voice trembling as you searched his gaze. The reality of what he said sank in, wrapping around your heart like a warm embrace. You took a breath, steadying your breath, and met his unwavering expression with your own. “I love you too,” you whispered, the words flowing from your heart as if they had always been there, waiting for the right moment to break free.

As soon as you had said it, a wave of relief washed over you. You could see the way his eyes lit up, reflecting authenticity and openness. In that moment, as he pulled you closer, the world outside felt a little less overwhelming. “Us against the world” he muttered into your neck, sealing the bond between you two.

In the safety of his embrace, you lifted your face, letting your forehead rest against his as the tension began to disperse. “No matter what happens, I'm gonna fight for us” you said, your voice steadier now, strengthened by the love that filled the space between you.

His smile widened, showing the strength of his determination in his eyes. “You’re my everything. I won’t let these stupid games take that away from us” he reassured, brushing his thumb along your cheek.

As you sat there, taking in his presence, you felt like it was the perfect time to ask him something that had been on your mind the last week or so. "Thanos," you spoke up, causing his eyes to meet yours again, "what made you come up to me that day?"

His gaze softened a bit, looking down as to avoid eye contact with you. "Well, to be honest, I'm just like you." He admitted. Your eyebrows furrowed, confused as to what he was referring to.

"Y'know, I noticed it as soon as I saw you. I could tell you weren't okay up there, and this place isn't somewhere to be in that state" Oh. You thought you did a good job at hiding it, were you really letting your mask slip that much?

As soon as your mind started racing, Thanos placed his hands on your shoulders. "Hey, its okay. You didn't make it obvious or nothin'. I just didn't want you to get in a bad headspace and not give it your all. I could tell you're strong." He said, eyes flicking down to your wrists.

Quickly, you jerk your arms back. Shit, did they show? You looked back up at Thanos with tears in your eyes, terrified of what he'd think of you now that he saw who you really are. Weak and pathetic

"No no, Its okay. They're beautiful. Shows that you never give up, no matter what." Thanos comforted, face turning pale near the last part. "I'm jealous."

The tears started falling as you took in his words of validation. After years of trying to hide the scars, you finally felt like they were a declaration of your strength rather than a source of shame.

"I've never told anyone this, but now seems like the right time, yea?" He started, causing you to put your full attention on him "You saw my video, right? Of me playing ddakji?"

You chuckled for a bit, "Yea, it was pretty hard to miss"

"Right," he laughed, with a hint of pain. "Before that recruiter found me, I was on a bridge. I felt like I was at the end of my story, ready to let go. Nothing mattered anymore. I lost everything that made me happy. My job, my money, my sense of purpose. I thought I had tried everything else, and there was no other way out."

He took a deep breath, his gaze drifting out toward the blank room. “But then he came out of nowhere, with that stupid fancy suit. He asked if i wanted to play ddakji. Said if I won, he'd give me 100,000 won. It wasn't a lot but its better than nothing right?"

His eyes met yours, a flicker of resistance igniting within them. “I thought, what’s the worst that could happen? If I lost, I’d still be back where I started. But if I won… maybe there was hope after all.”

He ran a hand through his wild purple hair, a mix of relief and regret washing over him. “I never thought calling that number would lead me here, to this moment. It’s crazy how a simple choice can change everything. Y'know, it’s in our darkest moments that we find the light. I’m still scared, but I’m fighting now. For myself, and for those who can’t fight anymore.”

"But I saw you still had that fight in you, you just needed a push. And I wanted to be that for you" Thanos sighed.

Even more tears ran down your face but this time, the same went for him. You never thought that someone would actually take this much effort, especially in a situation like this, to look out for you. You didn't think you mattered that much to anyone.

The two of you laid down in your now shared bed, holding each other tight as to not lose one another, and slowly drifted into sleep.

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅

As the lights slammed on and intercom went off, you felt a familiar void in your stomach. As if on cue, Thanos rubbed your hand gently, bringing you immediate comfort. "Im right here, baby. N' Im not goin anywhere." A slight warmth rushed to your face as his words replayed in your head, maybe everything was gonna be okay after all.

You waited for what seemed like hours for them to bring food out, but it never came. It seemed as if you were getting less and less food as time went on. Was this on purpose to make everyone weaker? You didn't know, but it was definitely taking a toll on you.

Both of you stayed within an arms length of eachother the whole time. Even until they announced everyone to line up to enter the final game.

Thanos walked directly infront of you, holding your hand as you made your way through the stairs splattered with an arrangement of colors. The first time you walked though them, it seemed so colorful and full of life. Now, it just seemed dull.

As you walked into the near pitch-black room with red led lights tracing the walls, you felt your heart drop. Something wasn't right. Your stomach turned in a terrifying way as you held onto Thanos, scared of what's to come.

He's learned your behavior and what your actions mean, causing him to pull you closer. Thanos was aware of how easy you get anxious, and how bad it can get. And he felt as if was his job to protect you from all your worries.

Unbeknownst to you, though, Thanos felt the exact same way. He didn't know exactly what it was, but something about this particular game felt uneasy. In an attempt to stay strong for you, he cleared his throat and spoke up.

"Don't let go of me okay? Its dark as shit in here I can barely see" He laughed, trying his best to ignore the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach. Your palms got sweatier by the second as the both of you walked deeper into the room, occasionally bumping into people. Eventually, you heard the instructions come on the speaker.

"Please, split into 4 equal groups based off of your previous votes. Two "X" groups of 10, Two "O" groups of 10. You have 5 minutes" Immediately after, the red lights started blaring, just how they did during the mingle game. Your heart stopped as you heard that. Thanos hadn't gotten a chance to change his vote, were the two of you going to be separated during the final game?

“No!” you cried out, the word bursting from your lips like a desperate plea, hoping something, anything will change. “Thanos, we can't—”

“I know,” he interrupted, his eyes wide with fear, reflecting the same mix of urgency and determination as your own. “We got to find our groups before it’s too late.”

Why? Why was this happening now? Your mind raced as panic set in. The room felt stifling, the air thick with dread and uncertainty. You could feel the tension radiating off the players around you, their whispers and shuffling feet blending into a chaotic symphony of anxiety.

The chilling announcement echoed in your ears “4 minutes remain”

You could feel the pull of the frenzied crowd, the inevitable separation haunting you like a distant nightmare. You pushed through the horde, each step heavier than the last, your heart racing as you caught a glimpse of something, a cluster of players forming with that familiar 'X' patch on their chests.

“Thanos, look!” you shouted, your eyes locking onto the group that was gathered before you. “That’s my group!”

“Go, I’ll find mines.” Thanos urged, his grip on your hand loosening even though his eyes fought against losing you. “Just remember what we talked about. Keep pushing even if it seems impossible. Ill be waiting for you when we get out.”

Tears prickled at the corners of your eyes, but you began to pull away from him. “I can’t believe this is happening...” you whispered to yourself as the despair finally settled in.

With a final hug, his warmth wrapping around you like a comforting blanket, your hands slipped apart. The distance between you suddenly felt colossal, the amount of space between the both of you increasing with each passing player. Thanos was officially lost to the shadows.

Your heart pounded alarmingly in your chest as you joined the half of your “X” group, forcing yourself to focus despite the panic. You scanned the players, assessing the strength of the new faces around you. Were they reliable? Would they betray you?

A few familiar players joined the formation alongside you, Dae-ho and Jun-hee murmuring quiet reassurances to one another. “We can do this,” The taller man said, eyes darting around the group as the tension thickened.

But as more players continued to merge into smaller clusters, the reality set in, you had to push forward alone, even if your lover felt impossibly distant.

Just as you were being further swept into a crowd of new allies, the loudspeaker croaked out another instruction yet again. “Participants, please stick closely with your chosen group. As you do this, make your way towards the door ahead.”

You took a deep breath, shaky with uncertainty. The door ahead shone like a gateway to the unknown. The murmurs of strategizing and encouragement filled the air, a strange mix of comfort and anxiety filled your body as you tried to tune out everything around you.

Dae-ho nudged you gently, his voice steadying. “Stay focused. We’ll work together and beat this, okay?”

You nodded, trying to quell the rising tide of anxiety overwhelming you. “Yeah” You muttered, hearing your heartbeat in your ears, a persistent reminder of the stakes. As each group stepped closer to the door, the pink soldier with a bold circle on it's mask stopped everyone.

"Which group will be going first?" The soldier spoke, in a slightly distorted voice.

After a couple seconds of quiet mutters between every team, the leader of the other X group, the man from the previous games, spoke up.

"We'll go. This might be similar to a game I've done" He announced. Your group swiftly moved out of the way to allow his team to go. One by one, they walked through the door. As soon as the final member made their way through, the mechanical door forced shut, cutting off any view of the inside.

Waiting felt like an eternity. The tension in the air grew thicker as each team member shifted nervously. You could sense the anxiety growing in them. Whispers arose among your group, forming predictions on what may be beyond that door, but none could compare to the despair of reality.

About 10 minutes after the first group entered, they began calling for the next one. As your team was next in line, the guard signaled you all to go inside the door. Your heart dropped as you gave Thanos a final look back, tears in your eyes as you dread what's to come.

The scene infront of you was immersive. The room was bright, like a carnival. There were big glowing lights everywhere. As you stepped through the door, a chilling rush of air slapped against your face, carrying with it an overwhelming sense of dread. Before you knew it, the line of people suddenly stopped, causing you to faceplant into the person before you.

"Wait!" Someone yelled, "We're on a platform.."

As you peaked around the group, you saw how high up you were. There were horizontal poles coming from the ceiling, resembling something that you knew all too well.

"Welcome players. Allow me to introduce you to the sixth and final game: Monkey Bars. The rules are simple. Every member of your team must traverse a series of monkey bars before the timer hits zero. But beware, missing a bar and falling will result in immediate elimination."

As murmurs of fear rippled through the group, you took a deep breath to steady yourself. Even though Thanos had been drawn away, you couldn’t afford to lose. You needed to use all of your strength to complete this game while holding onto hope that you would see him again.

But deep in your gut, you feared that fate had other plans.

You glanced down, your heart racing as you tried to make sense of the distance to the ground. It felt like a dizzying drop, one wrong move could mean the end of everything you fought so hard for. Your teammates exchanged worried glances, each of them struggling with their own fears and doubts.

You could hear the faint beeping in the background, the sound growing louder with each passing second. The adrenaline rushed through your veins as you clenched your fists, surveying the area once more so you fully understand what you're getting yourself into.

As the countdown hit zero, the timer's blaring sound echoed through the venue like a gunshot, triggering a surge of chaos. One by one, players launched themselves onto the first bar, swinging forward with determination. They attempted to coordinate their movements, using a tactic similar to the one in the 6-legged race.

With the rhythm of jumping every two counts guiding them, you carefully watched as some moved gracefully while others struggled and faltered, their cries of panic bouncing off the walls. The sight of watching your peers slowly fall to their death put a sick feeling in your stomach, the mushy 'splat!' as they hit the floor making you want to throw up.

Before you knew it, it was your turn. The immense pit of fear in your stomach twisted tighter as you leapt forward, grasping the first bar with both hands. The initial swing was thrilling yet terrifying, anxiety clawing at you with the fear of falling. You forced yourself to stay focused. Inch by inch, you moved, feeling the strain in your muscles as you reached for the next bar.

“Come on, keep going!” someone shouted from behind you, their encouragement pushing you forward. Each bar you grabbed felt like a small victory, but you knew you still had much more to go, taking tiny glimpses at the amount of bars left. You could hear gasps from teammates behind you after slipping off a bar, causing them to fall and add to the pile of gruesome bodies gathering below you.

Seeing all those bodies at the bottom caused your overthinking to kick in at the absolute wrong time. What if you fell? What if you died? Desperation clawed at you as you reached the halfway point. The metal bars were slick with sweat and your palms felt numb, grip faltering. But the thought of Thanos pushed you onward, a reminder of everything you had to lose—and everything you were fighting for.

From then on, with every swing, hope swelled within you. This could be the moment that changed everything. That fleeting memory of Thanos pushed you further than you ever thought. You remembered his words "Keep pushing even if it seems impossible." and it fueled you like never before. Your heart raced, a mix of determination and dread flooding through you.

Taking a deep breath, you used every ounce of determination in you and pushed forward once more. With one final pull, you swung to the last bar, the end platform finally coming into view.

As you landed safely, a rush of euphoria washed over you. You’d made it! The cheers from your team resonated around you, but there was no time for celebration just yet. You turned back to the others, knowing that many were still grappling with their own struggles.

“Keep going!” you shouted, your voice hoarse but filled with fervor. “You can do this!”

With your encouragement, you watched as your teammates found the strength to push themselves forward, unified in the fight for survival in this relentless game. Hope flickered within you, a feeling you wished would carry all of you to victory.

As your team finished the challenge, you felt your nerves calm down. There were some that didn't make it, but the majority did and you were happy for that. The timer still had a minute and 20 seconds left, everyone spent their time talking and calming down. One thing that confused you, though, was that the other half of the 'X' group was still there from when they finished. If they completed the game, shouldn't they be able to go back to their own room?

Just as the thought started to worry you, the buzzer rang through the room, signaling that your remaining time was now up. You expected to be taken to the sleeping quarters, but there were no guards, not even a door on the side you stood on.

The first half of the 'O' group walked through the entrance, and your heart exploded as you saw a face you grew to love. It was Thanos. You could see a familiar intensity etched across his brow. He was in his element, ready to confront the challenge ahead.

The second you locked eyes, his face glowed in admiration. Time seemed to freeze as the noise around you faded, leaving only the two of you in that moment.

Your exchanged gazes were cut off by the blaring buzzer, signaling the start of his team’s round. He straightened his posture, expression changing swiftly from admiration to fierce determination. With a quick glance back at you, he locked eyes one last time. A silent promise passed between you, he would give his absolute all.

Soon enough, the familiar purple head of hair caught your attention. He was about to start. It felt like you were the one on the bars as you watched him make his way across. As he took a deep breath and launched himself into the challenge, it was like the ground beneath you shifted. You were completely focused, holding your breath with each swing he took.

Every struggle and grunt made you flinch. Watching the players make their way across the stage, you tried to distract yourself from the fact that your boyfriend was right behind them, fighting for his life.

Even though he seemed to be making it across fairly okay your heart still beat profusely. At some point, you decide to turn away altogether, saving yourself from the pain of watching. While you sat there with your eyes glued closed, trying to shield yourself from the people before you, you feel a tap on your shoulder.

Slowly, you pull your head up, not wanting to face reality. But the person you were stressing so much over was standing right infront of you. Thanos stood there, a mix of adoration and relief flooding his face.

His chest rose and fell rapidly, proving how much the previous game had tired him. You could see faint layer of sweat glistening against the harsh lights above, but none of that really mattered. What mattered was the warmth in his eyes as he leaned in closer, hugging you tightly as to calm himself down.

“You okay?” His voice was soft yet urgent, a contrast to the loudness of the everything around you. With this, you nodded, swallowing the lump in your throat. “I was watching, It was..”

“I know,” he interrupted gently, a soft smile creeping onto his lips. “But I’m here now.”

Your heart swelled, despite the noise and yells from the crowds around you. It was such a relief to see him unharmed, standing tall and ready for anything. The moment slowed as you both just stared at each other, words slipping away.

Unfortunately, your moment got cut off, like always, by the instrusive 10 minute timer going off. While the next group made their way in, the two of you just laid there, taking in each others presence before the games ended, for good.

It felt like you were floating, like nothing around you mattered and the two of you were the only people on earth. As you drifted deeper into this peaceful haven you knew that nothing could ever break the bond that you shared with Thanos, a bond that was forged in tough times and deep emotions.

But as they say, there's always a calm before the storm.

The final team completed the challenge before you knew it, and the whole room erupted with cheers. We were finally able to go home. This whole time, all the tears and fighting was worth it. Thanos kissed you passionately as to celebrate the win, or what seemed like a win.

All of the applause were cut short by that nerve-wracking intercom coming back on. "Dear contestants, congratulations on completing the first part of the game! 24 players now remain."

Your heart stopped as you heard those words. First part..? Didn't we finish the games? You looked up at Thanos in disbelief, hoping to get some type of comfort. Instead, you were met with a face of pure terror.

All the color was drained from his cheeks as his mouth hung open out of shock, he looked like he'd just seen a ghost. Panic surged through you, overpowering the joy of victory. You exchanged glances with the others in the room, confusion and dread painting their faces, mirroring your own fears.

The intercom continued, its voice cold and mechanical. “The rules for Phase 2 are the same as Phase 1: There is a time limit of 25 minutes for all remaining players to return to the opposite side of the room. Please proceed with caution.”

25 minutes? That isn't nearly enough time to get everyone across. Your uneasiness grew as players started to shuffle around in worry, adding onto your anxiety of already being high up. The timer blared through the room, signaling the start of phase 2.

Player 456 took initiative and stepped infront of everyone, coming up with a plan. "Everyone, follow my lead. A person will join in every 3 bars, be careful and don't panic. It will slow you down and cause everyone to mess up."

Soon after his speech, he took a leap onto the bar, causing the countdown to begin. Everyone followed his orders, joining in every 3 bars. It was all going smoothly up until it was nearing your turn.

You watched as the team excelled, most pushing though the dismay and making it to the end. Others weren't as lucky, losing their grip and falling to their deaths.

Thanos insisted on going after you, claiming it would help him stay focused and remember what he’s fighting for. You agreed quickly, finding his words endearing, completely oblivious to the true reason for his actions.

Unbeknownst to you, Thanos had gotten an arm injury in one of the previous games, which progressively worsened. He didn’t tell you because he didn’t want you to worry any more, but he could feel himself losing strength. Especially with this final game being physical, Thanos knew this was his last chance to be with you.

Instead of telling you his true feelings, that he was sure this would be his last time seeing you, he decided to protect your heart for now. After all, isn’t that what he approached you to do?

As the person before you made their way onto the bars, Thanos pulled you in for a tight, unknowingly final hug. You weren’t sure why he did this, or why it felt so much more different, but you appreciated it.

“Please, try your hardest okay? Don’t give up no matter what.” He muttered, face stuffed in the crook of your neck. Before waiting for a response, he gently grasped your face with both hands and pressed his lips against yours in a long, passionate kiss that left you breathless.

His mouth moved with a desperate urgency, as if savoring every second you had left together. The kiss was like a goodbye, a promise of forever that lingered even as it came to an end.

You jumped on the bar, full of life. All your strength kicked in at this moment as you used Thanos’ words to power you through. The muscles in your arms burned as you worked through the challenge, but his presence fueled your determination. You couldn’t let him down. Not now.

The crowd roared around you, their cheers blending into a rhythmic chant that kept pace with your heartbeat. Looking back at Thanos, you saw his face pale with anxiety. You wanted to assure him that everything would be alright, but you were too focused on pushing past your limits.

As the minutes ticked by and the final bar loomed ahead, you felt doubt creep in—what if you weren’t strong enough? What if all the fighting, all the trouble from the last games led to this moment and you were about to fail?

You took a final look back, wanting to see Thanos' face in hopes of it pushing you through the last half of the course, but instead get met with a face of sheer terror. Thanos' face was full of raw desperation, his eyes wide and glistening with an unsettling mix of fear and disbelief.

The usually relaxed lines of his jaw tightened, showing a weakness that sharply contrasted with his earlier mood. Unbeknownst to you, this was the moment he finally understood the weight of his looming defeat. He knew the end had come, but why did it have to be with you right in front of him?

Thanos' arms buckled as he attempted to push through, to use all his remaining energy to make it to the end. Each swing grew heavier as the bars beneath his hands grew slick with sweat. His heart raced, not just from the pressure but from the dread settling in his gut. A shadow of hopelessness flickered through his mind.

“This can’t be it,” he thought, clenching his jaw as he struggled to swing himself forward. Not like this. Not now. His gaze flickered to you, hanging off the bar 3 ahead of him, eyes wide with concern and shimmering with tears.

Memories of your laughter echoed through his mind, light and warm against the harsh reality of these games. He remembered those nights spent talking about dreams and futures, the plans you constructed together so effortlessly. All the times you had smiled at him, with that light in your eyes that made his heart swell, igniting a fire deep within him that he didn’t know he had left.

But now, did it even matter? The cruel thought twisted in his chest like a knife. He fought through so much, lost everything, only to get this close to the one thing he wanted most; true, undeniable love. And now it felt like sand slipping through his fingers, the more he struggled, the more he was losing.

As he swung on the next bar, his grip faltered for just a moment, and unlike every other time before, he felt fragility creep into his bones. The voice within him began to scream, demanding him to give up, that it was all over. Why keep fighting when the odds felt impossible?

But he had to move, for you. He gritted his teeth, forcing his body forward, fatigue clinging to him like a leech. With every swing, he felt a crack in his pride, a familiar emptiness growing in him as his thoughts flooded with anxieties.

He remembered the warmth of your hands in his, the gentle touch that made every battle feel worth it. Each moment spent with you had become a lifeline in this place, a source of hope he never thought he would have again.

As he took another swing, desperation fueled him, but quickly it faded. His muscles trembled, stabs of pain shooting through him. A vision of you, radiant and pure, tugged at his heart, and a sob caught in his throat. This was truly the end for him.

You tried not to turn back, hearing how much Thanos was struggling. You didn't want to see him like that. As the fight to the end continued you only had one thing on your mind; how happy the two of you would be after all this.

As you moved forward, a raspy voice came from behind you. "No…" Thanos murmured. Overcome by curiosity, you glanced back slightly. What you saw brought tears to your eyes.

You saw Thanos clutching the bar tightly with raw desperation, the last ounce of strength draining from him. He locked eyes with you, wanting nothing more but to keep going for you, his girl. But before he could think further, his body betrayed him. His fingertips slipped, a sudden loss of control, and time felt like it stretched endlessly.

Every memory, every smile, every hopeful dream flickered through your mind. The plans you had made, the laughter you shared, the quiet moments when everything else faded away and it was just the two of you.

But now, with horror pinching at your heart, you watched him fall. In that split second before he vanished from your sight, you saw the mix of fear and regret cross his face. It was a sight you would never forget, a moment where everything he had fought for clashed with the dreaded reality of loss.

As he disappeared from view, you felt your heart shatter into a thousand pieces. The warmth of your shared moments was replaced by an empty void, every hope for a future together gone in an instant. The world around you moved on, but you were frozen, trying to grasp the reality of what just happened.

You watched as Thanos, your first true love, fell to the ground becoming nothing more than another body added to the pile below. You faltered, unable to tear your gaze from the spot where he had been.

And in those final moments, as he hit the ground, with a pain that felt both devastating and liberating, he saw your face flash before him, etched forever in the depths of his heart. A love that would transcend even death. For a heartbeat more, he hoped that you would find your way through this cruel world, even if he could not be there to protect you.

A suffocating silence enveloped you, an immense contrast to the chaos that had erupted just moments before. The fight within you dispersed, replaced by a crushing sense of helplessness. Your only reason to keep going had just faded. You sloppily pushed your way to the end, fighting the urge to simply give up.

Finishing the challenge didn't excite you anymore. As you heard the announcement stating the end of the games, all you could think about was how you just lost the only person worth fighting for.

You could've did something, anything. Why him? Why couldn't it be you? The whole experience was bittersweet. As the screen displayed the amounts of money everyone would receive, there was no sense of happiness within you. Just a hole in your heart, one only Thanos could fill.

But now he's gone and you feel worse than ever. You didn't care about the money anymore. Sure, you were no longer in debt, but it wasn't worth losing your best friend. The money felt like an insult, a shallow victory overshadowed by the emptiness left in his death.

The days drag on. Every morning, you wake up hoping things will feel different, but the same sadness greets you like an unwanted shadow. You feel lost in a world that keeps moving forward while you’re frozen in the moment where you lost it all.

Eventually, the sadness becomes overwhelming, and you find yourself spiraling back into darker thoughts. Feelings of hopelessness creep in, and it’s hard to escape them. You start to think that maybe it would be easier if you just didn’t have to feel anything at all. That maybe not being here would take away the pain for good, and you catch yourself wondering if anyone would truly miss you.

Those thoughts frighten you, but they also exist in the quiet moments when everything else feels unbearable. In the times where there nothing to focus on but your thoughts and trauma, you wonder if it's worth it.

Nobody would care. Family hasn't called in months, friends cut you off. You were an embarrassment to be around. The thoughts kicked in harder, and you started to think of plans. Time, place, and opportunity; those were the 3 key things you needed to consider if you went trough with it.

But as you sit there, a small flicker of doubt creeps in. You remember how you used to laugh, how you once loved to share stories and connect with others. Remembering these times, your heart aches at how you took it for granted.

You would give anything to go back to those days. When you didn't have to worry about debt, being able to go out with friends everyday. Now the world seemed gray and lifeless. You felt like a ghost, simply floating through the stages of life, not truly taking in anything.

A week passes since you've been out the house, and you still haven't left your bed. The sheets cling to you like a magnet, but they suffocate you too. You haven’t showered in days, the thought of standing beneath the water feeling like an unruly task. Instead, you find comfort in the bundle of your blankets, where you can hide from the world and the relentless demands of life.

Your body feels sluggish as hunger pangs occasionally reminding you of your needs, but preparing food or even grabbing a snack seems overwhelming. It’s easier to ignore it, to push it aside and focus on trying to silence the chaos in your mind. You scroll endlessly through your phone, searching for distractions, but nothing holds your attention. You feel disconnected, like there's a glass wall between you and everything else.

Another week passes, the same exhausting loop continuing. Everything was genuinely draining, and you were tired of it. Breathing felt like a chore, and you could barely find the strength to get on your phone. So, you decided that it was time. Time for all your thoughts to silence and pain to finally stop.

You remembered the gun you kept in your bedside drawer, for "safety" reasons. It was never put to use, so maybe now was the time. Picking it up, you made sure it was fully loaded. You didn't want to regret this, not after everything that's happened.

Being your first time out the house in weeks, you drove to a faraway forest, making sure it was in a desolate place nobody would even think of visiting. The drive was about 2 hours long, causing it to be pitch black upon arrival. There hadn't been any cars for the past 45 minutes of driving, just how you wanted.

As you picked up your phone for the first time in almost a week, you noticed that there were hardly any notifications. It became clear that they really didn’t care. Looking up slightly, you noticed the time "11:38". Time, place, and opportunity.

All you could think about was Thanos. You'd promised him not to give up, but you had to. You thought back to his previous words, "it’s in our darkest moments that we find the light." Hearing his words repeat in your head made you realize, he was your light.

He'd came out of nowhere, sweet-talking you and washing all your worries away. For that week you'd known eachother, you were the happiest you'd been in a while. There wasn't a single time you considered doing something awful to yourself.

But now that he's gone, it seemed like you were in worse shape than before. You were bad, but not enough to be standing in the middle of the woods with nothing but your phone and a gun.

You shivered as the cool air from the wind hit your face. The dark, silent setting brought you uneasiness. You were finally alone. Raising the firearm to your head, your mind started racing. Was this really it? Is this how it ends?

The weight of the gun brought fatigue to your weak arm, being severely malnourished and exhausted. You felt horrible to break Thanos' promise, not being able to keep pushing anymore. The guilt hit you like a bus.

Suddenly, all your emotion intensified by a hundred. You felt a mix of anger and depression swirl though your body as you gripped the gun tighter. Every negative feeling abruptly switched onto you, leaving you with nothing but self-loathing.

Without thinking, you pulled the trigger. You felt a flash of agonizing pain as the thick bullet pierced through your skull. All of your pain was swiftly replaced with absolute serenity, as if the chaos of your life had finally unraveled.

As your awareness faded away, all you could think about was Thanos. How he held you when you started panicking, understood your body language, and connected with you like no one else did.

You'd reunite with him for good this time.

[blushsturns]

safe ♡ bf!chris x gf!reader

description: you’re going through a hard time, but chris always knows how to make you feel safe.

warnings: mentions of mental illness: anxiety, depression, emotional distress. kissing, pure fluff. that’s about it!

w/c: 1921

You haven’t had a good week at all. Everything was going wrong. Your anxiety was sky high and your depression was at an all time low. It hasn’t felt like this in a long time and you weren’t sure what to do about it. Living with anxiety on top of depression was a living hell and you were trying to live life to the fullest, but sometimes it was extremely hard. Your day at work was horrible. Things were extremely busy, customers were insanely rude, and all you wanted to do was hide in the bathroom and cry, but you couldn’t. You had responsibilities and you had to put your emotions on pause if you wanted to make a living, or well, money to afford to make a living.

Once you were finally clocked out from your grueling, never ending shift, you made it to your car and let the tears flow down your cheeks. You couldn’t help it, even if you wanted to. You’ve always been known to be a crier, whether it was for a good or bad reason, but crying sometimes helped you relieve any bit of stress of pain inside of you.

Your chest ached, the anxiety built up inside of you from the awful week that you had and all you wanted to do was go home and sleep. You wanted to see Chris so badly, but he was with Nick and Matt today doing something for a brand deal. He texted you as often as he could, checking up on you to make sure you were okay. You felt bad putting Chris through any worry or stress when you were feeling like this. He always reassured you that it was okay and that he loved you no matter what you were struggling with mentally. He had the patience of a saint and that made you love him even more if that were possible.

You texted him to let him know you were on your way home from work, but you stayed in your car for a couple more minutes to compose yourself before driving. You opened your sun visor to take a look at yourself through the tiny mirror, using the pad of your thumb to wipe the smeared eyeliner from the bottom of your eye. You looked like shit, but that’s okay because at least nobody was around to witness it.

With a deep, shaky breath you were able to compose yourself enough to drive home safely. Luckily, you didn’t live very far from your workplace and you could finally go in your bedroom and be with your own thoughts where no one needed you to do anything.

When you turned the car onto your street, you had to blink your eyes a couple times to make sure what you were seeing in front of you was correct. Chris’ car was in the parking lot of your apartment complex. How could that be? Your eyes narrowed in on his car once you got closer and noticed he wasn’t in the car. It was definitely his car, his silly pepsi keychain dangling from the rearview mirror. Once you parked your car into the parking lot, you pulled your phone out of your purse to see if he had texted you. He did and your face immediately brightened.

Chris: hurry home

You felt your stomach twinge with butterflies, excitement running throughout your body. This wasn’t the first time Chris had surprised you. He’s surprised you many times in the course of your 2 year relationship, but every single time felt special like it was the first. He’s never surprised you with his own presence before. You quickly grabbed your purse and walked into the house. Looking around, nothing looked out of the ordinary. It looked just the way you left it before you left to go to work in the morning.

“Hello?” You shouted out, feeling almost silly that you could possibly be talking to yourself and it just so happens that somebody else owns the same exact car and has the same exact key chain as Chris.

But that’s when he appeared with a big grin on his face, stepping closer to you and his arms immediately extending out with his pretty blue eyes brightening just from staring right at you. Your stomach was filled with butterflies, your mouth agape and jaw dropped in surprise as you stare directly at him. He’s here, he’s really here. “Hi, baby. Surprised to see me?” He asked you, a playful grin tugging on his lips.

All you could do was run into his arms, dropping your purse onto the ground and not caring what contents could have possibly fallen out of it. He immediately wrapped his arms back around you to hold you close to his chest, his hands resting against your lower back. You melt into him, your eyes squeezing shut with tears spilling down your cheeks. It felt like a sudden, instant relief to be in his arms again. You nodded your head at his words, your head resting comfortably against his shoulder, your fingers clinging against the fabric of his shirt as if you were threatening to keep him close to you forever and didn’t want him to leave. Not that he would ever want to.

“Missed you.” Was all you could manage to reply, salty tears hitting your lip as you start to coat the fabric of his shirt with your tears.

You don’t know why you were crying again all of a sudden. Maybe it was because of all the awful week you had and you were desperately craving this, craving him. Sometimes all it takes is a hug for the person you love the most and here he was, surprising you when you didn’t think you’d see him for another week.

He ran his hand up and down your back in smooth, slow circles to soothe you as you hiccup a sob that escaped the back of your throat, your head resting comfortably against his shoulder. He pulled away only slightly so he can look down at you, using one of his hands to place against your cheek, the pad of his thumb wiping away a stray tear that fell against your skin. “I missed you. I couldn’t wait to see my girl. Needed to see you and make sure you were okay.”

You sniffled, your cheeks blotchy and your nose stuffed up from crying as you locked eyes with him, melting into his embrace. You always felt so safe and protected when you were with Chris, no matter where you two were. Chris was very busy, always filming with his brothers, doing different brand deals, going on tour, planning merch and other future events, and even though you were so proud of him, sometimes you felt selfish because you missed him and wanted to spend more time with him. You were thankful to have any time with him though, of course.

You shook your head at his words, pulling your gaze away for a moment and bit down onto your bottom lip before averting your gaze back up into his eyes. His eyes were full of sorrow, worry, and overall protectiveness of you. “Not so good. It’s been such an awful week.” Your words were shaky, but you already felt better in his embrace and being able to talk about it. “How did you get home? I thought you had that brand deal to film.”

Chris let out a soft chuckle, keeping your head tilted just right against his hand, his other hand resting comfortably against your lower back. “They didn’t need me anymore. I did my part and asked if I could fly home early. Once I knew you were struggling, I just couldn’t stand it anymore. I had to see you, hold you, remind you how much I love you and that I’m here for you.”

He always knew what to say to make you feel safe and secure. You nodded your head, flashing him a small smile. “I’m so happy you’re here. I didn’t mean to worry you or anything. Sometimes my depression and anxiety gets the best of me and when things in life aren’t going right, I get so overwhelmed. I’m sorry, Chris.”

“No, no.” Chris immediately shakes his head, placing both of his hands onto your face, the pads of his thumbs caressing your cheeks softly. “You never have to apologize. I’m your boyfriend and I want to be here for you. I care about you and I love you. I know you aren’t having a good time. You’re so independent and you can totally handle things on your own, but it’s okay to not be okay and lean on me, okay?”

Your eyes stayed locked together in an intense gaze as you listened to his words, nodding your head slowly as he spoke. You’ve always been so independent and hated asking for help, but sometimes when you didn’t feel great mentally, it was nice to have a reminder that you weren’t alone. Chris was really good at being supportive. He always knew what to do and say to make you feel safe. “Thank you for not making me feel fragile like a piece of glass that could break in any given minute, or broken entirely already.”

He nodded his head, moving one of his hands to place a strand of your hair over your ear, smiling softly at you as he leaned his forehead against yours, his lips ghosting over yours. “I wouldn’t dream of it. You’re the strongest person I know.”

Your breath falls hot and heavy against his lips, your hands move to wrap around his neck to pull him impossibly closer. “Chris..” Was all you muttered out before his lips fell against yours instantly causing a soft hum to emit from your lips.

His lips immediately pressed against yours deeply as if he needed this, cradling your face in his hands as his lips begin to move against yours in a slow, passionate motion, tilting his head to the side to press his lips against yours a bit deeper. Kissing Chris was like the first time ever single time his lips were against yours. Your stomach twinged with butterflies, electricity shooting throughout your veins as your body melts into his.

After a couple more seconds, he pulls away from your lips and you catch your labored breathing. Your eyes flutter open to see him smiling down at you, your cheeks reddening just by his gaze. You could still feel his lips against yours, your body tingling from the sensations inside of you. Chris had that kind of effect on you, but you weren’t complaining. Not at all.

His grin only widened as he stared down at you, moving one of his hands to grab onto yours, intertwining your fingers together and squeezing your hand reassuringly. “Come on, princess. Let’s order pizza, watch some movies, and maybe if we’re still hungry we can eat ice cream too. Oh and cuddles and kisses. Lots and lots of them.”

Your cheeks only continued to grow a darker shade of red at his words, a soft giggle emitting from your lips. “You’re the best, did you know that?”

He placed your hands up to his lips, placing a soft and gentle kiss against your knuckle, his lips lingering there as he spoke. “I do, but I love to hear you say it.”

Cocky? Yes. The most protective, amazing, loving, wonderful, incredible, sweet, perfect boyfriend? Absolutely.

taglist:

@sturnshood @strangelife122 @jessie-essie @giveheavensomehell @rina3476 @chrissturnioloslvt @sturnslutz @sturns-mermaid @matthewsturnsgf @christmastreecake @rinahasspots @222wall876 @chris-hallelujah @izzylovesmatt @strniloslvts @oopsiedaisydeer @sophand4n4 @xclusivedesires @mattsplaything @katiebug3851 @poppingmypussy4chris @mattsbunnyxx @pair-of-pantaloons @chrissweetheart @slutformatt17 @sturnl0ve @pasteldreams @h3arts4harry @marrykisskilled @wh0remikasas @sturnzslut @camzeecorner @alesturniolos @emely9274 @2muchofaslvt @y3sterdaysproblem @sturnslux3 @bowsandsturniolos @moustacherryismyhusband @rafesapprentice @ivysturnss @headzgonewest @strawberryghost3 @il0vey0um0st @violetstxrniolo777 @bigbeefybitch @raesturns @courta13 @sofieeeeex @tylerthecreatorsglazr

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a/n:

hi! thank you so much for reading. i wrote all of this at work today and decided to just go ahead and post it. i have been struggling mentally the last couple weeks and writing is an outlet i use when i’m feeling sad.

if you are struggling and need help, please don’t hesitate to reach out to someone you trust. my messages/inbox is always open if you want to talk. i know what it’s like to feel alone and hopeless, but i promise it’s going to get better.

you can also use this website that has tons of resources based on where you live and what you’re going through.

i love you guys. send any requests that you have to my inbox too. thank you for all the love. :)

-nessa ღ

[the-canary-cursing-you]

iskall's video feels to me as an attempt to garner sympathy and save face, rather than a professional conversation,

doesn't mention what the allegations actually were, a common tactic: not all your viewers know what's going on, so don't inform them, so you don't lose them (i understand being cautious IF he's actually suing/investigating anyone, but i think "i was accused of xyz" is not an incriminating statement);

most of the video is wailing about cancel culture, "they're out to get me! it's a witch hunt!", nobody deserves death threats etc., but most of what said is not informative, more so manipulative imho;

who is investigating who?? im no big city lawyer, but if you went to the police crying "help they're defaming me on the internet", what are they going to do??? i find the story that a lawyer or policeman (💀) is out there investigating these people from other countries most likely, over the internet most likely, over screenshots and googledocs they wrote and posted to their twitter, extremely hard to believe. (it's not news articles they're writing about him, it's TWEETS).

anyways, this video should've been 3 minutes long. "i have been accused of xyz. here is how hermits handled these accusations. here is how VH team handled the situation. here is how it affected my life. due to this, i will be going through an investigation/lawsuit/wtv, which is why i've been inactive." NO MOREEE.

but we need several solid minutes crying about cancel culture otherwise uninformed yt viewers hearing this first time won't take the side of me, innocent little iskall! okay 🤦‍♂️

[lilylushes]

idk if u take requests but like... jealous lulu?? i need this in my life pls

I made it smutty AF hope that's okay lol

----------------------------------------------------------------------

“Do you want another drink, baby?” your boyfriend, Luigi asked you, his hand around your waist and mouth touching your ear so you could hear him through the loud music at the bar.

“Yes, please - just another vodka cran would be amazing.” You turned your head to give him a quick kiss.

“Be right back, okay?” he smiles and gives your ass a small slap, walking over to the bar.

You turn back to your friends but they must have gone to the bathroom. You wait at your cocktail table alone, but not for long. A man comes up to you, beginning to flirt with you and asking you questions about what you do, what you like, etc.

“I’m sorry, I’m flattered, but I have a boyfriend who I’m very happy with.”

“Bet he doesn’t treat you as good as I would,” he says, moving towards you and putting his hand on your ass, causing you to back away.

“You have two seconds to get the hell out of this bar before I kick your ass.” You realize that Luigi has returned with your drink. The man removes his hand from you, exchanging a couple of remarks with your boyfriend, before leaving.

“Sorry that happened, baby. Finish that and let’s get out of here, okay?” he leans down to talk into your ear.

For the rest of the time you spend at the bar, Luigi becomes extra protective of you, not leaving your side, always touching you, and asking if you’re okay about once every thirty seconds. His tone is serious and his voice is deep.The alcohol is taking effect and you’re just fine with it, even turned on by it.

On the Uber ride home, Luigi holds your hand, but seems tense. The closer you get to your place, the farther up your thigh your and Luigi’s hands go.

“I’m gonna change, take my makeup off, and go to bed, okay?” you whisper to him as you arrive.

“Yeah, bed sounds great.”

Once you reach your bedroom, before you can go to the bathroom, Luigi grabs you.

“Y/N, you know I don’t like getting jealous, but I couldn’t help it when that creep was talking to you tonight.” he says in a deep, almost groaning voice. His hand goes to your waist and brings you close to him. You can feel tightness in his pants.

You wrap your hands around your boyfriend’s neck. “Lu, you know you’re my one and only. Nobody would make me turn my head. I love you and you’re stuck with me as long as you want, okay?” you smiled at him.

But he wasn’t in that kind of mood. As you leaned in to give him a peck, he crashed your lips together, going into a hungry, open-mouthed kiss. You explored each other’s mouths, ripping off one another’s clothes while you came up for air. Your hands were all over each other, and your kisses swallowed your loud moans.

“On your knees, baby - now.” You knew you were in for some mind blowing sex whenever he got this dominant. You sank to your knees, eyes remaining locked with his. He removed his boxers, allowing his hard cock to spring free.

“Suck me off, baby. Show me what that mouth can do, okay?”

You pump him in your hand for a couple of strokes, licking his veins and playing with his tip and precum.

“I said suck, baby, not tease. You know I cum fast when you do that.”

You let out a flirty, moaning laugh, before taking him into your mouth as far as you could, causing him to gasp.

“God, baby, that mouth is gonna be the death of m- fuck,” he moans, closing his eyes.

You continue blowing him while he has his hands in your hair, occasionally sucking his balls and teasing his tip, which made him drop a series of expletives every time. You look up at him while you suck him off, driving him crazy.

“Those eyes, baby, ugh, I’m gonna cum seeing you on your knees and looking up at me like this while you suck my cock. Yeah, you like having this cock in your mouth?”

You suck him more intensely and passionately, moaning every time you take him. He begins to thrust his cock into your throat.

“Gonna come for you, baby, you’re gonna swallow it all, okay?” he struggles between moans.

You moan to acknowledge him, which also causes his release. He brings your head to the base of his cock, grunting while his cum spills down your throat.

He brings his thumb to your chin, the rest of his hand helping to tilt it upwards.

“Show me.”

You open your mouth, still staring into his eyes innocently, showing him that you’ve taken all of his seed.

“Good girl, always such a good girl for me.” He brings his hand out to help you up before holding your face and bringing you in for a passionate kiss. 

“I love you so much, y/n. Let me show you how much, okay?” he tucks your hair behind your ear. “Get on the bed, baby,” he whispers.

You follow his directions, putting your head on the pillow. He climbs on top of you, kissing you some more while his hands explore the upper half of your body.

“Lu,” you moan, “need you.”

“I know, baby, I just want to worship every part of you. But what my good girl wants, she gets,” he comes up for another kiss.

“Gonna make you feel so good,” he says, breaking away and bringing himself to your core.

With that, he wraps his arms around each of your thighs and licks your folds, making you moan. He looks up at you to gauge how good his tongue is making you feel.

“Mmm, love my baby’s pussy so much. You taste so good, dolcezza.”

He takes his right hand to insert 2 fingers into your hole, causing you to clench immediately.

“Gonna cum, baby? Could anyone else make you feel this good, yeah? That fucking douchebag?” while his fingers curl in your cunt, his mouth continues working on your clit.

“N-n-no” is all you can get out. Your moans become louder and stronger.

“Please let me come, Lu, baby, please.” you say, holding onto his curls.

“Go ahead, baby, cum on my mouth, wanna taste my baby girl’s cum.”

With that, you release onto his mouth, making him moan too. He laps up all of your juices before coming back up to your level.

“Mine. All mine.” he says with a smile. You take your index finger to wrap around his chain, pulling him in for a kiss.

“Can you please fuck me now, Lu? Need your cock inside me, need you to fill me up with your cock and cum.”

“Of course, baby. Been waiting to do this all night. You look so hot, had me hard for you all night, just thinking about fucking you the whole time.” 

He lines himself up to your entrance, sliding in slowly, causing both of you to moan while looking into each other’s eyes.

After allowing you to adjust for a few seconds, he begins thrusting in and out at a fast pace. He leans down to connect your foreheads

“You’re mine baby. Fucking mine.”

“I’m all yours, Lu. Only yours.” you tell him with your hands on the sides of his face.

Hearing this made Luigi quicken his thrusts even more. You can tell that he’ll cum soon. He takes your legs from wrapping around his hips and brings them as far back as they’ll go. The new angle has you a moaning mess on the edge of orgasm.

“Whose pussy is this?” he asks, gazing into your soul.

“Yours” you moan.

“Say my fucking name, baby.” he replies in a deep, serious voice.

“Yours Luigi, This pussy belongs to you. Nobody could ever fuck me as good as you do.”

He lets out a noise that you can only describe as animalistic, before his thrusts get sloppy.

“Cum with me baby, okay? Love making my pretty girl cum on this cock.”

You unravel beneath him, moaning and gasping, which triggers his own release. He thrusts into you a few more times, pushing his cum up into your cunt, before laying down beside you and bringing you into his chest.

“You’re mine, baby. Can’t live without you. I love you so much.” he takes your hand and kisses it before interlocking your fingers.

“I love you too, baby,” you reply.

[prettygirl-gabi]

Title: The Yapper, The Listener

Pairing: KK Arnold x Reader

Fandom: UConn's women's basketball

Rating: Fluff | First-Person POV

Summary: kk has always been the yapper, til you

Word Count: 1.4k

If you had told me a year ago that I’d somehow out-yap KK Arnold, I would’ve laughed in your face. I mean, KK? The loudest, chattiest, most relentless talker on and off the court? The same KK who could trash talk you into a bad game without even breaking a sweat? Yeah, right.

But here I was, sitting across from her at our usual booth in the student union, rambling about the absolute disrespect I’d endured in my morning class while she sipped her smoothie, nodding along like I was delivering the most important speech of the century.

“And then, tell me why this man had the audacity to mark my paper down a whole five points just because I ‘lacked conciseness’—KK, can you believe that? Lack conciseness? Babe, I am a storyteller. I paint pictures with my words.”

KK hummed, swirling her straw around her cup. “Mhm. Can’t rush the art.”

“That’s what I’m saying! He just doesn’t get my vision!” I huffed, leaning back against the cushioned booth. “Anyway, that ruined my whole morning. I had to go get an iced coffee just to recover, and then—”

I paused, narrowing my eyes at her. “Wait a minute. You’re way too quiet. What’s going on? You’re supposed to be my hype man in situations like this. Where’s the outrage? The energy? The unnecessary side commentary?”

KK smirked, resting her chin in her palm. “I mean… I figured you had it covered, mamas.”

I squinted. “What does that mean?”

She reached across the table, tapping my lips with her thumb. “It means you yap more than me now.”

I gasped, clutching my chest like she’d personally offended me. “That’s crazy. That’s actually insane.”

KK just laughed, settling back in her seat. “I used to think nobody could out-talk me, but you? You be talkin’.”

“Okay, first of all, rude. Second of all, you act like you don’t love hearing me talk.”

She shrugged, lips twitching. “I do. That’s why I let you.”

That made me pause. My mind ran back to how things had shifted. When we first started dating, KK and I had been on the same level when it came to running our mouths. We’d banter back and forth for hours, seeing who could get the last word in (spoiler: it was usually me). But somewhere along the way, she’d settled into this… listening role.

Not because she had nothing to say—KK always had something to say—but because she liked hearing me talk.

I felt my face heat up at the realization. “Wait… have I just been yapping at you nonstop for months and you let me?”

KK grinned. “Mhm. And I don’t even mind.”

I stared at her. “I feel like I should be embarrassed. But I’m not.”

She reached for my hand, playing with my fingers. “Don’t be. I like it.”

And just like that, I melted.

Basketball practice had ended an hour ago, but I was still sitting on the sideline, waiting for KK to finish getting shots up.

Correction: commentating while waiting.

“There she goes, folks, lining up for the free throw—she dribbles once, twice—oh, she hesitates. The tension in the air is thick. Will she make it? Will she fold under the pressure? The crowd holds its breath—”

The ball swished through the net effortlessly.

KK turned to me with an unimpressed look. “You doubting me, mamas? That’s crazy.”

I grinned. “Never that, baby. Just setting the scene.”

She jogged over, resting her hands on her hips. “You ever thought about a career in commentary? You already talk enough for the both of us.”

I gasped dramatically. “So you admit I took your spot as the biggest yapper?”

KK shrugged, tapping my knee. “Go ‘head and take the title, baby. I like hearing you talk. You keep me entertained.”

I tilted my head at her, softening. “You really mean that?”

KK rolled her eyes, but there was a fondness there. “Yeah. Your voice is my favorite.”

Damn. How did she always make me feel like the luckiest person alive?

Later that night, we were curled up in my dorm, KK stretched out on my bed while I laid half on top of her, tracing patterns on her arm.

“I’m just saying, if you’re gonna sit there all quiet while I talk, I feel like you owe me commentary of some kind.”

KK raised a brow. “What kind of commentary?”

I huffed. “I dunno. Like little affirmations. ‘Mhm, that’s crazy’ isn’t gonna cut it all the time.”

She laughed. “Oh, so now you need me to hype you up while you talk? You getting greedy, mamas.”

I pouted, looking up at her. “I just like hearing your voice too.”

KK smirked before leaning down, pressing a kiss to my forehead. “Okay. Next time you go on a rant, I’ll gas you up properly.”

I smiled, satisfied. “Good. Because I’ve been holding in a rant about how the dining hall got rid of my favorite cereal and I need you fully engaged.”

KK chuckled, wrapping her arms around me tighter. “I’m all ears, baby.”

And just like that, I went right back to talking, knowing she’d listen to every word.

---

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-Thank You For Reading!🩵🩶

-prettygirl-gabi🎀✨️

[tttt06]

The Apocalypse

Warnings! Gore, zombies, probably some angst if ya squint, size kink, death, apocalypse. Nobody dies, and it's still unserious.

Past K-pop Idol x International Black reader

Synonpsis~ A world where zombies made a sudden outbreak. You were only a fashion assistant. How the fuck were you going to survive. Well, 8 men pulled you into this large building. It had food, water, and people. With the help of Chan and Felix translating and Minho helping with your Korean, you muster up a relationship. One cuts deep with the buff Australian.

Word Count~ 7.2k

It wasn't supposed to happen like this. I mean, I had plans for the future. I wanted kids and a husband, preferably buff. One minute, I'm running from zombies, and the next, eight Korean men are shoving me into a building.

The sound of helicopters filled the silence. I hadn't spoken since everyone was speaking in a foreign language. I wasn't from here. I was a fashion assistant on a trip with my boss friend. 

Now I'm in a building I don't recognize with 8 strangers.

It was cold, probably from the winter snow. They were watching the TV, inspecting the newscaster's words, hanging onto every word. I was shaking in the corner, and not from the cold. 

Surprisingly, the building was still up and running. The place was toasty.

I was shaking because I was terrified. 

"You okay? No bites?" I looked to see who it was. I was flummoxed by his accent.

"Yeah, no bites." He smiled, "This was not how I was expecting my day to go." I sighed, sinking more comfortably into the wall. "You think this is forever, or maybe it's The Walking Dead." The buff man shook his head. "Nah, no way. I give it a week." 

Well, that week fucking passed, and we were still trapped in this damn building. The TV wasn't working. Providentially, there were a lot of wireless chargers. We were able to charge our phones. It wasn't hard to notice how people were posting less and less every day.

"Kai cenat still streaming." Felix scooted over to look. "No way." I laughed, watching as Kai talked screamed to the screen. Hyunjin was trying to savor his battery by opting to paint. At this point, I knew the boys well. I knew they were Idols, and they knew who I was as well. 

I had become the closest with Chan only because of how much English he could speak. Here and there, conversations would start between Seungmin, Hyunjin, and Changbin... but never with the others. Chan confessed, "We're gonna run out of Buldak soon. We don't have canned food here." I said, terrified, "You think... we'd have to go out there?" Chan shook his head, "We'll go out there. Not you." I worriedly confessed, "But I don't want you guys to get hurt out there." Hyunjin turned from his canvas to listen to us. Jeongin said, "If you go out there, I'm coming with you." 

I couldn't believe it. These bitches were finna risk their lives for some food. Sure, the convenience store was a two-minute walk, but they shouldn't leave out. 

We weren't the only 9 here either. There were staff members. Some went missing. They left for the same mission and never came back. 

Han was making it his mission to learn about what was happening outside, but the media knew as much as we did. Which was nothing.

We treated it like zombies. If we got bit, we'd die. I'm terrified of what would happen. Hyunjin broke my deep monologue, and Chan led by saying, "Let's just go. Grab some weapons and get there while we still can." Chan asked, "Who's going, who's staying?" I looked at everyone. Han stood, I.N. stood, and nobody else did. "Okay, Y/N, kids, hold down the fort, yeah?" 

This is stupid. What I'm about to do is really dumb, but I have to.

"Wait," I uttered hesitantly. "Yeah?" Chan asked. I took a deep breath, "I'll come with you." Minho stood up and grabbed my arm. He shook his head, "Don't." He selectively chose his words. "I have to. I need to." Minho didn't let up, "You will die." I nodded, "I won't." 

He knew I was not only lying to him but to myself. Shaking my head yes while saying no is a huge giveaway already. If that wasn't enough, I was trembling in his grasp.

Chan commanded, "Alright, grab some weapons." I looked toward the wooden railing. I gripped the top of the railing and pulled it off. Chan added, "You're a strong girl." I laughed at his playful tone and lifted it over my back. "I'm ready to get Zombie guts all over me." 

I hopped over the fence as we went to the convenience store. Chan was carefully looking out as Han jogged behind me. 

Jeongin smashed a zombie's head in. The brain matter got on my shoe. 

Fuck, now's not a good time to admit I pass out when I see too much blood. 

The sky was orange. It had been for a month now. The air was so still that it felt like the earth stopped spinning.

I bit my lip as I continued to look around, "Hey, isn't that the convenience store right there?" Chan looked over to where I pointed. 

"It is. Let's go." Han ran to the store and opened it. He let out a long breath. The store was empty.

Chan said, "C'mon guys. Grab everything and go. Also, do not leave until we're all ready. The added weight is gonna slow us down."

I nodded and walked over to the snack aisle. I slid every snack into the big duffle bag. My phone's flashlight stayed bright as I searched for more food.

I brought my hand to the back and felt someone grab my hand on the other side. 

My heart quickened as I screamed. "AH!" The hand let go, and I peeped through to see Jeongin. "Sorry, Noona." I smiled and waved it off. 

"It's okay." I continued to look around to no avail. I announced, "I'll look in the back to see if I can find anything." They waved me off, and I jogged to the door.

I quickly learned the door was locked when I jumped behind the counter. I slammed my body into the door, leaving the door to burst open. 

I moved my flashlight around and saw the piles of boxes. "Yes!" I bumped into something and felt a yank in my hair.

I screamed as I felt a sharp pain in my shoulder. It felt like I got bit by a dog. I whimpered from the pain, and I saw the boys running in. 

The zombie fell to the ground, and Chan's eyes scanned my body. Han said, "SHIT! SHE'S BIT!" Chan ran to me and grabbed me bridal style. "We need to take her back now!" 

They ran back to the company. Chan carried me like it was nothing while the boys stayed on defense. The streets were empty. 

There were maybe one or two zombies strolling around the streets.

When we entered the building, I saw Minho's eyes go wide. Now that I could see how much was on my shoulder, I panicked.

"Oh my god! There's so much blood! Am I gonna be okay?!" Chan looked at me, "You'll be okay! Don't worry. Minju will help you." 

I looked as the staff member ran to us. I felt myself starting to get dizzy as the blood dripped off my shoulder. 

"I feel like I'm about to pass out." Chan sat me down on the couch, "I'll get you some water." I nodded absentmindedly. 

The woozy feeling only developed more. And as the seconds passed, I passed out. 

When I woke up, I was in bed, and a bandage was wrapped around my shoulder. I lifted myself up to see Minho carefully observing me. He was making sure I wasn't still feeling dizzy.

"Are you okay?" I nodded, "I pass out when I see blood. Wait... Am I okay? I feel fine." 

Chan opened the door to see me up. He ran over and hugged me tightly, "Oh my god, you're finally awake!" I hugged him back confusedly, "Well, how long was I out for." 

Chan said, "Two days." Minho called out, "Y/N's AWAKE!" 

I watched as everyone bustled into the room. Felix was quick to give me a hug. Changbin held my hand as the other boys stared. 

"I'm alive. How am I alive?" Seungmin explained, "Well, Minju thinks the zombie bites aren't spread through bites. It could be airborne... meaning, we're all going to die anyway." 

I looked around at everyone, "Wait, what?" 

I looked at them all, "We're gonna die?" Hyunjin's face turned solemn, "At least we're together, right?" 

I nodded sadly.

Once everyone walked out, Chan was still there with me.

"I was so scared when you got bit. You don't understand what I was willing to do for you." I smiled lightly, "Channie..." 

He grabbed my hands in his big palms, "Which is why..."

I listened to him, "I think you should cut your hair... I mean-"

"Chan... I can't do that."

He looked surprised that I said that, "Why? What's wrong?" I shook my head, "Chan, my hair isn't like yours. It won't just grow back in a couple of months. This takes years. It's not all my hair, but I can't do that."

His smile looked pained, "Please? You're already injured because I let you come with me." I shook my head, "No, I'm injured because I wasn't paying attention. Don't blame yourself. The bite will heal."

He sighed, "I- uh... at least think about it?" 

I smiled, "Maybe."

A couple days passed. We were already getting nearer to the end of the December month. 

We learned some things about Zombies. They don't pay attention to humans unless provoked, fight each other, and aren't hungry. 

So, we have nothing to fight. Once we discovered that about them, the team became more relaxed. But they led us to more questions. Where have the rest of the staff and such gone?

"Big confession." I looked at Felix's round eyes as he spoke, "I'm the one who clogged the toilet." Chan slapped his shoulder, "Ew, mate. Fucking shit." I laughed at his accent and mimicked, "Fucking shit mate." Seungmin added, "Speaking of shit, the toilet?!" Lixie pouted apologetically. His freckles were frowning with him. 

Chan called to me, "Y/N-innie. I need you over here." Chan was the group's leader, and apparently, he had the best means of survival skills.

I looked at him and smoothly walked over. He pushed a braid behind my ear. "Have you thought about what I said?" "No, I didn't. My hair is sacred to me." He half smiled, and that dimple popped out. "You have beautiful hair, but I'm just trying to keep you safe. It's so easy to grab... what if..." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I closed the gap and took his thick, pale hands into mine. 

"I'll be okay." Though the Zombies didn't attack often, when they did, it would cause a herd. 

Chan looked at me like I was crazy. "You make my anxiety go up. So stubborn." He whispered that last bit. He looked into my eyes. They made me feel so safe and seen. He looked like he was telling me something in his head over and over. 

"Back to this. So I found a second generator in the basement of the building so we can get working showers again." I cheered, "I was getting tired of the B.O." He smiled, "I wanted you to come with me." I raised an eyebrow, "Why?" He shrugged, "We have the best chemistry together." 

I laughed, "What the hell? Or are we the ones that have begged the most for the shower?" He rolled his eyes, "That too." I giggled, and he just stared at me. 

His eyes went soft as I laughed. "I'm glad I can still make you laugh in a time like this." I tilted my head, "You always make me laugh." 

He motioned, "Let's go tell the boys what we're doing, and we're out." 

I gripped the flashlight as we traveled deeper into the lower levels. Chan had attempted to make conversation but could tell I wasn't feeling it.

That was until he asked me, "How does it feel? To have lived before this and for it all to be for nothing?" I stopped and looked at him, "Where is this coming from?" 

His face had an unreadable expression. He sighed and looked at the ground. "I feel like I failed at protecting my fans." I patted his back, "Ah, that's not your fault." Chan shrugged, "My fans are out there lost and walking alone. It's been close to a month of us dealing with 'zombies.' How are we supposed to get back into making music." I looked at him.

Wow, he must've been really contemplating this for a while.

"I think it feels horrible. I had my dream job that I worked years to get, only for my boss to be (I assume) dead. I think my family is gone, my clothes are probably being worn by another surviving family, and the world is all in one big shit hole. So I get the feeling." 

He smiled, "I'm glad you relate to me a little bit." I added, "I will never understand the feeling of having fans, but I think it's similar to having people back home rooting for you. And in a sense, I feel like I sorta let them down." 

Chan wiped his eyes. "You crying?" He shook his head, "No, the dust is just gnarly down here." I kissed his cheek. He froze like a statue. His ears were the brightest red I've ever seen. 

"C'mon." 

When we came back, the water was on. Chan had been silent the rest of the night. 

I guess I really messed with him when I kissed him on the cheek. 

I again was sitting in the main lounge area. Seungmin was the first to turn in. 

I had gone to bed also. 

Ever since that day with the bite, I've been getting nightmares.

I woke up in a cold sweat and looked around. My heart was beating so fast, I felt so scared. 

I felt like zombies were gonna come and get me.

I walked out of my room and into the dining area. There, Chan was on his laptop. He looked up in surprise. "Hey?" He smiled, "What are you doing up?" 

I shrugged, "Couldn't sleep." He smiled, and I asked, "Well, what about you? Why are you up?" "Well, this inspired something in me. I've been saving battery on my laptop to make one last song."

He grabbed my hand, "You hungry?" I shook my head, "I feel like I could throw up." He furrowed his eyebrows. Chan placed the rear of his hand on my forehead to check my temperature. 

"Ah, you sick? From the bite?!" I laughed, "Nah, just sweaty... I guess." 

He said obviously, "You're not sweating." I rolled my eyes, "Okay, I feel hot." 

He sighed, "Nightmares?" I blinked, shocked. He just read me like an open book. 

He said, "The last couple of days, you've been sluggish, Y/N. You haven't been sleeping well, and you won't eat. Minju said you were fine... but I think that night fucked you up more than you're letting on."

My lips went to a thin line, and he glanced at my dimple. I didn't miss the look of affection on his face. 

"What's really going on Y/N?" I shook my head, "I saw someone get shot as a kid, and I had night terrors. When I see blood, I panic and pass out... I've been having worse night terrors now."

His eyes scanned mine as his hold on my hand got tighter, "Don't make this weird, but do you wanna sleep in my room with me?" I only blinked.

I got that from Minho.

He smiled, "Don't leave my question hanging."

I smiled, "If you're okay with my sweating up your bed." His smirk sent heat down my stomach. "Oh, you don't know what I'd let you do in my bed."

I smacked his shoulder, "Chan!" He started laughing, and I got up. "C'mon." He smiled and walked me to his room. He looked me over, "You sleep in those clothes? Those are jeans." I laughed, "I don't have pajamas..." 

He went to the pile of folded clothes in the corner and passed me a T-shirt and sweatpants. I laughed, "The shirt is enough, Chan." 

His eye showed a glint of something unreadable.

I said, "Turn around." He did me one better and walked out of the room. He whispered, "Knock when you're ready for me to come in."

I changed and ran to the door to knock on it. Chan opened it and looked me over. His ears were turning bright red. "Okay, get in the bed. I'll sleep on the floor." 

I furrowed my eyebrows, "Fuck no! What if there's a zombie under the bed, and it eats you?!" He waddled over me and hugged my waist. 

He pushed me to the bed and said, "I'll survive." I bit my lip. I liked the way he manhandled me. 

"Channie, I'm serious. Sleep with me. I need you to hold me." His eyes widened, "You...need... me?" I nodded, "C'mere." He nodded absentmindedly. He let me drag him to the bed. 

He plopped down, and I laid my head on his chest. 

"Night Y/N-innie."

"goodnight Channie."

When I woke up, he was gone. I searched for him, only to find Minho and Hyunjin. 

"Uh, where's Chan?" Minho looked me up and down. Hyunjin was staring. 

"What are you two looking at?" Hyunjin teased, "What'd you two do last night? You have his clothes on." I looked down and pulled on the corner of his long T-shirt. "I was tired of wearing jeans to sleep." 

Changbin walked in loud as ever, "Did somebody say new jeans?!" His voice boomed in the hallways as he came back with food.

Jeongin placed down a huge box, "We went on a food run. Also, got your pads, Y/N." He tossed the pads, and I squealed, "Yay!"

Jeongin continued, "We have something to show you." I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.

"What? What's the problem?" I entered the front lobby and watched the older guy in a torn-up suit stand beside Chan. "We found him on the street running from a herd of zombies."

I quirked an eyebrow, "So, who is he?" 

I looked over the man again. I have never seen him a day in my life. He said in Korean, "I'm a scientist. I got kicked out of the government facility because I did illegal testing on the zombies. I was trying to help."

I blinked, "So, what? You know the cure?" He laughed, "No, not at all. This big guy over here kidnapped me." He aggressively patted Chan. My eyes followed Chan, "What are you planning on doing to him?" 

Chan let him go, "I want him to save the world... using you." 

The scientist guy settled in rather quickly. Too quick for my liking. He was only here for thirty minutes, and that nerd was already munching on our snacks. 

I asked, "Do you know how this happened?" 

The scientist said, "Yes. There was a meteor we'd been tracking because it threatened to hit the Earth. It hit the Earth and spread a gas that affected the human brain. This resulted in non-threatening zombies. Ones we can cure with the right stuff."

I asked, "Well, what's a possible cure?" He sighed, "Perhaps someone with an immunity. I do have to say, you do realize that only some Asian countries are having this problem, right? The states, Canada...et cetera, are all okay." Chan blurted, "Australia?"

The man said, "The zombies couldn't survive there. They died the same day." Chan looked relieved. 

I asked, "I got bitten... does that mean anything?" He said, "Yes, well.... maybe. The chemical isn't in the air anymore. I know new soldiers went to the rock and returned fine. So, we've either started building an immunity, or the chemical has become dormant. I can certainly run a test and see what's happening in you." 

Chan's hand went to my shoulder, "She's gonna be okay? We're all gonna be okay?" He nodded, "We just need a cure." Everyone looked so relieved.

I walked to my room. I needed time to myself. It was so much. We were gonna be okay, but to what extent. I would never see Chan again, or Lixie, or any of the boys. 

I sighed as I curled up in my bed. The knock on my door echoed through the room, "Come in." I knew who he was by his footsteps. 

Chan sat on the corner of the bed and asked, "When'd you get so good at Korean?" I said, "Minho had been teaching me." 

He let out a light laugh and got up. He went to the side of the bed I was facing and squatted close to my face. 

He whispered, "You doing okay?" I nodded. My fist wrapped up in the covers. Chan said, "You sure? It looks like something else is on your mind." 

I sat up, "I'm trying to understand myself." His eyes followed my movement. I looked at him, and that spark in my eyes answered the inner questions.

I like him.... more than a friend should.

Chan smiled, "We're gonna be okay. Focus on the good for now."

Before he walked out, he added, "Question, you sleeping in my room tonight?" 

My eyes widened, "You're okay with me doing that?" He smiled, "I'll happily let you sleep next to me for as long as you'd like." I smiled, "Yeah, I'll turn in soon."

It wasn't soon. I was too nervous to enter Chan's room. Now that I know how I feel about him, I felt like I was taking advantage of him. 

I bit my lip as I crept into his room. He was sound asleep. I lifted the covers, and he stirred awake. "Sorry." He smiled, "Finally, you're here." He scooped me up and little spooned me. 

His hands were careful where to touch. I closed my eyes in agony. I was horny now. The way he was touching me felt so good. His hands rubbed small circles on my womb.

I scooted my hips into his crotch, and I felt him harden quickly. His hands jerked to my hips and kept them still.

I turned around and stared at him. I could see the hunger in his eyes now. I leaned in and kissed him. His lip bit my bottom lip, and the next thing you know, his tongue was in my mouth.

He explored my mouth with his wet tongue. He pulled away to get some air.

He pulled me close and started ripping his own shirt off my body. 

He sucked my chest, making me give him a moan. He flipped us over as he towered over me.

He took off his shirt, revealing the carefully sculpted abs. I whimpered when I saw it. He dove down to give me another passionate kiss.

I was happily okay with the passion. When Chan pulled away again, he hesitated. He looked down at his hands and then at me. 

"What's wrong?" He got off me, "I- maybe we shouldn't do this." I furrowed my eyebrows to reach for him, "What? Why?" I reached out to him, but he flinched away.

My eyes lingered on his arm. "You don't like me?" He laughed, defeated, "Of course I do. I just... I can't." I was so confused. I liked him a lot, and now he was rejecting me.

I got up, "Fine," and I left. The tears streamed from my eyes as I ran to my room. I met with Hyunjin and Felix in the lobby. 

"Yah! What's wrong?" I shook my head, and Felix ran over and hugged me. "Why are you crying? What happened to your shirt? Did something happen?!" 

"Chan he- he..." Hyunjin's eyes widened, "He what?!" 

Felix looked in disbelief. I started to realize how this looked, and I calmed down. "No! I was sleeping in Chan's bed, and we started making out, but then he told me he couldn't go any further. I don't know if I did something wrong or if he hates me..." 

Hyunjin took a breath he didn't realize he was holding. "So it was consensual." I nodded, "YES!" 

Hyunjin hugged me tightly. Felix sat, "Why were you in his room in the first place?" I pouted, "I was having night terrors." 

Felix sighed. I continued, "But Chan invited me to sleep with him. I really like him, so why would he do this?"

Hyunjin joked, "Probably because he hasn't gotten any in a while and is rusty," I laughed. Hyunjin continued, "You wanna sleep with one of us tonight? So you don't have night terrors." 

I nodded, "Who do you pick then?" I smiled, "Hyunjin tonight and Felix tomorrow!" Hyunjin grabbed my hand gently and swung it between us. I giggled, "See you tomorrow, Lixie!" Hyunjin and I skipped to his room. He took another look at me, "You wanna wear my shirt to sleep? It's not ripped up, and it'll be longer than the one you're wearing." I looked down at my ripped shirt, showing my bra.

I covered it quickly, "Sorry, you were in such a panic earlier I didn't want to tell you." I ran to his mini closet and looked for something to wear. "Ou, a Jersey. Oh my god, is this Versace?!" I pulled out the shirt, and he laughed. "You stop it. Now, put on any shirt you want and go to sleep." 

I threw on a random graphic-T and got in his bed. Hyunjin had made his way to the floor, and I scooted to the edge of the bed. "Do you have to sleep on the floor?" 

He smiled, "This is a... uhm... what's the word when friends sleep at each other's house?" I smiled, "A sleepover?" He smiled, "Yes! This is a sleepover."

I laughed and cuddled more into the bed. "Do you think I have a chance with Chan?" His hand reached for the ceiling and stayed there. He stared at his fingers as he thought.

"Chan has stuff going on, y'know? He always does. Maybe you would if he allows himself to love people again." 

I said mindlessly, "What, he dated a gold digger once?" He lifted up and stared at me in shock. "Yeah! How'd you know?" I laughed, "Just a guess."

Hyunjin said, "He loved that girl. We thought of her as a family. We found out she was transferring money to her accounts and planning on leaving. On top of that, she had a boyfriend too." 

I shook my head in disbelief, "Wow, she's horrible." He nodded, "Yeah, she was." 

I raised an eyebrow, "Was? Nah, she still is." Hyunjin shook his head, "Nope, is. Her boyfriend killed her." My mouth dropped open. "You're fucking lying." 

He nodded. "Chan still loved the girl, so... it probably hurts him."

I had nothing to say. I was in shock. "Okay, wow." It got depressingly silent as I thought about Chan's past. 

I bet you'd never be able to tell on TV. I bet he was laughing and pretending to be okay, only to go home lonely. Maybe that's why he likes me.

I asked, "What was she like?" Hyunjin said, "She was kind and took the time to get to know us. Even after they broke up, she would still reach out to us occasionally. But, again... she was hiding shit." 

I nodded, "I feel bad for talking about her. We should turn in." He turned to his side, his back faced me. "Goodnight Y/N." I smiled, "Goodnight Hyunjinnie." 

I was woken up by a scream. Hyunjin and I stirred awake. We looked at each other as another scream echoed through the hall. Hyunjin grabbed his bat and my hand. 

We ran to the main lobby. That's where the screaming was coming from.  "I HAVE A BREAKTHROUGH!" Everyone was gathered in the lobby, confused. Changbin grunted, "Why are you screaming, old man?" 

I looked at Changbin and mouthed, 'Watch your mouth.' Changbin looked down with a grunt. He gets grumpy in the morning.

When I looked around, my eyes locked with Chan's. He had pain in his eyes. He was staring at Hyunjin and me. Our hands were still together, and I wore Hyunjin's shirt instead of Chan's.

I get how it looked, and I let him believe it. If he really believed in me, he would at least ask.

"Y/N, can I trouble you for some blood?" I quirked an eyebrow as I stared at all the bandaids on his arm.

"How many times you plan on stabbing me?" He rolled his eyes, "You're obviously not scared of needles. You have a tattoo." I looked down at my thigh. I did have a big tattoo there.

"Yeah, go ahead." I let go of Hyunjin and walked over to the scientist. I said, "What's your name? You never told us." He smiled, "Call me Dr. Acanthopis." 

Felix's eyes lit up, "Like the Australian spider." Acanthopis quirked his bushy eyebrows, "Yeah, that's right." Felix looked proud of himself. 

I went to the makeshift lab with Dr. Acanthopis. He just put his supplies in the small nurse's room. I assume this is where people used to get IV drips. 

I sighed as I looked at the broken clock. "How long will this take?" He said, "I don't know. Just sit and relax." I wiggled in the seat and sighed. 

I closed my eyes as I smelt the alcohol in the air. The smell I always smell before getting a shot. 

Acanthopis poked the needle, "I need a lot of blood." I nodded as I kept my eyes shut. I said, "I should probably mention I pass out when I see blood." We sat there for about two more minutes before he pulled out the needle. 

I heard a glass break, and I opened my eyes to see the blood spilling on the ground. "Oh no." I blacked out right on that hospital bed.

I started to wake up a little and heard voices. "Is Y/N okay?" 

That was Chan's voice. 

Dr. Acanthopis said, "Yeah, she'll be fine. I just dropped some blood on the floor, and she passed out."

Chan let out a desperate breath. I felt him get closer and move my braid behind my ear. I tried to stay steady and still.

Chan said, "Please, keep an eye on her. She likes to drink the strawberry ice cream after she gets up." 

Did he remember that? 

Acanthopis clicked his tongue, "Noted."

Once Chan left, I opened my eyes. Acanthopis turned around as he moved the vials of blood somewhere else. Acanthopis mentioned he went to the fridge, "You gonna tell me what that was?" 

I scooted up on the bed, "Nothing, Chan and I are going through something awkward." 

He turned around and crossed his arms, "You speak Korean like a baby." I rolled my eyes, "You speak English like one, too. Piece of shit." He laughed, "Just an observation, no need to get sensitive."

I bit my lip and played with my fingers on my lap, "Hey? Are you actually upset?" I shot him a look, "No. Well, yeah, but not about that." He walked over to me and checked my wrist pulse, "Then what are you upset about?" 

I sighed, "Chan, he's just... pulling back." Acanthopis said, "I say, I give you two liquid courage. What do you say, hm? We throw a party?" 

I only laughed, but Acanthopis was being dead ass serious. He pulled a bottle of Soju from the fridge. "It's unsanitary that you keep blood and Soju in the same fridge." He shrugged. 

"Get up, and let's go." He carefully watched me. He walked over to help my dizzy body get up. "I told you I took a lot of blood. I'll get you some strawberry Ice cream." He winked at me as he helped me to the lobby area. 

Next thing you know, I was eating Ice cream in a circle of drunk men. 

"Uno out!" Chan put his card down, and I sighed. I was too drunk. Chan was the only sober one there. 

Felix screamed, "NO! ANOTHER ROUND!" Hyunjin checked his ear for blood, and I laughed. "Lix, relax! There's still four players in the game!" 

Felix's face was dark red. He looked around and everyone and laughed, "Oh, okay." I groaned.

I looked through my fifteen cards. Lee Know made me pluck ten, and now I'm in deep shit.

Seungmin put down five '0' cards. "What the fuck?" I lifted all his cards to see he snuck in a 1. I threw the card directly at him as he laughed menacingly. 

I took another shot before putting down my three reverse cards. We sat there for maybe ten minutes, figuring out which direction to go. 

I sighed, "Binnie, you're next." He squinted at his cards as he silently decided. Changbin sat there for a good five minutes just thinking. Seungmin said, "PUT A DAMN CARD DOWN ALREADY!"

Hyunjin clapped as he laughed and waited for Changbin. Felix was lying on the floor, staring at the ceiling. 

I think he passed out because Hyunjin started looking at his cards. I shook my head, "Changbin-ah, it's just a game." 

He leaned in and showed me his cards. I giggled next to him and told him which ones to throw down. I couldn't help but see Chan staring at the corner of his eye.

Chan's jaw clenched. He looked like he was seething. 

"Hey, I'm gonna check out. You're all too drunk for this game." He laughed politely and got up. My eyes followed him as he left the room. 

Hyunjin nudged me. I looked at him, and everyone stared at me. "I'm in charge of cheering him up now, huh?" Jeongin nodded, "I don't know what happened with you two, but he's been quieter."

I bit my lip and stood up. The trip to Chan's room was quick. I knocked on the door, and there was no answer.

I sighed and opened the door anyway. Chan was sitting on his bed with his headphones on. I walked next to him, and he jumped.

"Y/N!" I sat on the edge of the bed and asked, "What happened with Uno? No, what happened that night?! What happened to us? We are a team, but now, it feels like you hate me." 

He only listened. "Y/N, I just... it's different..." I crossed my arms and leaned into him, "Different, how? I know about her." He quirked an eyebrow, "Know about who." 

"Cece. Your ex-girlfriend." His eyes darkened, "What do you know? Why are you being nosy about my past?" I raised my hands in defense, "I'm not using her against you! And I'm not digging into your past. I'm saying I understand a little more about you."

Chan spat, "You don't understand shit." My heart skipped a beat. 

He's mad at me.

My eyes began to water as he said, "Get the hell out." I cried, "No! I'm not leaving you alone!" He stood up as his voice roared, "LEAVE!" He grabbed both my wrists in one hand and began to drag me out of his room. 

I rambled, "I'm scared that when this is all over, you're leaving me for good, and I'll never see you again." 

He paused, "What...?" I cried, "I want to keep seeing you. I don't want you to shut me out! I need you! So, please don't leave me!" 

He saw the tears in my eyes and let go. He pulled me into a sharp hug and whispered sorries in my ear.

He pulled away and wiped the tears away. "I don't need you crying over me." 

I bit my lip as the tears kept streaming. Chan grabbed a braid and tucked it behind my ear, "You're such a pretty crier too." I hugged back into his chest.

Chan confessed, "I'm sorry for yelling. Cece is a touchy subject for me. I can't resent her because she's gone now. The only person I can be mad at is myself." 

I lifted my head and looked at him, "I'm sorry for bringing it up." He shook his head, "Nah, I'm sorry for getting so angry. Listen, I found out later that her grandma couldn't afford insurance, so she dated me to help out her grandma. Sure, I felt used, but if I were in a situation like that... I'd do even worse to help my grandma." 

I consoled him as I patted his back. "You don't have to put yourself in Cece's shoes. She took your hard-earned money. It's still valid to be mad at her even if she was a good person."

He just looked at me and smiled. But it was a smile I hadn't seen from him before. Something raw was behind those eyes.

I asked, "So, last night..." He looked at me, "Yeah, you and Hyunjin had fun?" I explained, "We didn't do anything. He slept on the floor. Hyunjin saw me crying and-"

"Crying? Why were you crying, Y/N?" 

My eyes widened, and I quickly looked away. I played with my fingers, "I was so mortified. You rejected me last night." He quirked an eyebrow, "That's not what happened." 

"What do you mean? I was there." Chan smiled that cute, dimpled smile as he plopped on the back of the bed. I looked behind me to view his face, "What's funny?" 

"Do you know how pretty you are? Like, utterly gorgeous." My face heated up, "What are you talking about?" Chan said, "Last night, I was scared I was being too aggressive. It's been a while since a second party was with me in the bedroom. I forgot how to act."

I climbed on his lap, and his ears turned a dark red. "What if I like it like that? You don't have to have control. Use me like a little toy." 

His eyes widened as I felt his dick harden underneath me. "Shit, Y/N." I smiled, "What?" 

He grabbed both my hands and slammed me down into a kiss. It was messy and passionate. The sounds were wet as our tongues played in each other's mouths.

His hands traveled to my waist. I moaned in his mouth as he pulled off my shorts. 

I pulled away to get the pants down. Chan stared at me and flipped us over. My palm landed on his big chest. 

He started kissing my neck, and I wrapped my legs around his waist so I could feel him. His dick was so hard in his jeans. Fuck.

He always looked so good in ripped jeans that ripped at the thigh.

He swiped his thumb over my bud, making me gasp. His mouth sucked on my neck as he played with my pussy through my panties. 

I bit my lip to stop myself from getting too loud. Chan's other hand lifted to my face as he forced his thumb inside my mouth. He opened my jaw, and the sound of my moans escaped my throat.

"Ah~ I want you to touch me." He teased, "I am babygirl." 

My eyes rolled to the back of my hand as I felt his finger slip into my hole like nothing. 

"Shit, Y/N. Why are you so tight?" He took off my shirt sensually. His tongue trailed down my stomach as I sucked in a breath. He looked up at me with that devilish smirk. 

"Wait, d-do you ha-ave.... protect-" He shut me up with another finger. I moaned out as his mouth finally made its way to my thighs. 

He kissed that part of my inner thigh that made me wet. "Protection? No." He asked as he steadily fingered me, "Why? Do you want protection?" 

I shook my head, "If I get pregnant, we have nine months to save the world." He laughed. "You are fucked out."

He added a third finger, and his tongue made contact with my clit.

I gripped his hair as my legs wrapped around his shoulder. 

"Mm~" He moaned while eating me out. It triggered vibrations on my clit. I let out an airy sound. An incomplete word. "Fu~" 

He sucked harder as his rhythm quickened. My eyes closed as I relaxed. My eyes rolled behind my lids.

"That feels good?" I nodded as I scrunched my nose in pleasure. "Yeah. Cum for me, baby, hm? Cum all over my fingers." 

I sighed as my pussy fluttered over his fingers. I felt my knot untie as I came uncontrollably. "Oh~ K-keep going~" He didn't stop moving his fingers in me. My grip on the sheets got stronger as he fucked my hole well with his fingers. 

He pulled out as he stared at my gaping hole. "Yeah, you feel good?" I nodded. He pulled down his pants as he climbed on me. "Catch your breath, I'm not done." 

He watched me breathe. He stared at the hickeys he left on my neck. I cupped his face and gave him pleading eyes. 

I looked down to see his hardened monster cock. It was pale, long, thick, curved up, and the tip was a bright pink. The veins bulged from his hairless balls. I could visually see it pulsating.

I closed my eyes and whispered, "And he's big." 

His cute smile contrasted with his rock-hard body. He smiled, "What you say?" 

He peppered my face in kisses and said, "You thinking out loud, baby?" I nodded, "The group chat won't believe this shit." 

His infectious laugh made me giggle. He asked, "You ready?" I nodded as he pushed himself into me.

His hands slid to my palms as he enveloped his hands into my open palms. My body rocked with his as he pulled out again and thrust. 

"Yes," I whispered under my breath. Chan kissed my lips as he thrust into me again at a slow pace. The eye contact was intense as he watched my face.

I again wrapped my legs around him so he went deeper. As I felt him hit my G-spot, my pussy twitched around him.

"Fuck! That feels so good, baby!" Chan was loud in the bedroom. I moaned when he picked up his speed. 

He dug his head into my neck as he fucked me fast and deep. "SHit! Shit! Shit! I'm cumming Y/N. Where do you want me?" His voice sounded so desperate in my neck. 

"In me." 

He fucked me harder, earning him a louder moan as I came with him. 

I felt the pool of cum overflowing out. It dripped down my pussy as Chan pulled out.

I bit my lip, feeling the sudden cold rush of his absence. 

He cuddled me close, "Don't be embarrassed tomorrow." I turned around to him, "What? why-?" He kissed me into silence. 

He pulled me into his chest, and I sat there confused. 

"Mm." 

Han shouted, "Chan rock your world or what?" Everyone turned to Han, annoyed.  Changbin was embarrassed, "We agreed we wouldn't mention it!" 

Han shrugged as he drank his caprison. 

Hyunjin said, "We heard your cute little moans last night." I said nervously, "Don't call them cute."

Chan's arms wrapped around me, "Yeah, I should probably mention. Y/N's mine."

And he's possessive!!!!

[heightsofmadness]

Okay, but... that's not what those videos were about.

The thesis was, "a lesson that you learn by figuring it out will ALWAYS be more deeply engrained than one you are told outright, especially when it's a message you actively want to skip because it interferes with the fun part."

Anyone who has played games for an audience will tell you that it can be very, very hard to split focus between being good at the game and being entertaining for the people watching, and while I agree Game Grumps is pretty bad at finding a balance in that regard, it at least explains the problem.

I distinctly remember a Wind Waker episode where they got to Dragon Roost Isle, got a bunch of fetch quests, made a bunch of jokes about how someone wanted them to deliver mail to someone literally a floor away... and then promptly forgot what they were supposed to do, because they didn't retain the subject of the one-off gag in their minds while playing. The game didn't teach them to do the thing, it told them to, and that meant as soon as they were thinking about something else (ie. literally instantly) the information was gone.

If anything, the benefit of having a manual back then was twofold:

1) If you were reading it before playing, you could see stuff that got you excited. You aren't going to forget how to use super-ultra-jumpkicks if you've spent 6 hours shaking with excitement about how cool you think super-ultra-jumpkicks are gonna be.

2) If you get confused while playing and think you missed something, you have a reference point to go back to that should have the answer if everything has gone well.

If the game instead opened with, like, an exam you had to pass where all the questions are lines from the manual, nobody would retain a damn thing because they're only reading it to get to the part they want to play. Games with handholdy tutorials are like that, except they're physically holding the manual in front of your face and blocking the screen until you're done.

There was a solid several years of game development videos confidently saying "because they didn't have handholding tutorials, like we have today, old games had to teach you how to play ENTIRELY through the game" and. Friend, the manuals...?