#nobody can make me think otherwise
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Hurting everyone’s favorite caretaker (Maria) was the one line no one would dare to cross…
…and Scourge crossed it lol.
#sth#Sonic au#sonic the hedgehog#shadow the hedgehog#scourge the hedgehog#maria robotnik#silver the hedgehog#amy rose#blaze the cat#miles tails prower#tails the fox#big the cat#why do i hear boss music#scourge is the hedgehog equivalent to those dudes who think blasting car engines are attractive#nobody can make me think otherwise#anyway he fricked up BIG TIME lmao#you know it’s bad when even BIG of all characters is angry with you lol
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just how can i protect your smile?
#you guys like yaoi? can i get you some yaoi#pjsk#prsk#project sekai#proseka#tsukasa tenma#rui kamishiro#ruikasa#AUUUUUGH.#this is what finally makes me actually draw riks. vocaloid autism#putting the link in the caption because NOBODY FUCKIGN TLAKS ABOUT SCISSORHANDS EVER WHERES THE HYPE I NEED HER. SONG OF THE DECADE(2009)#this song makes me incredibly normal. my bad. i saw the miume choreography when i was like 11 and my brain shifted#i wanted their outfits to look like mikus in the mv so bad. Fuck my life for that btw stupid fuckign frill trim. why did she have to slay#tried to think of smth other than butterflies for kasa but i have no brain and tbh i hope his life is miserable so its fine#me posting this only to tmblr and not twt because i fucking hate twt#im drawing more song covers that live in my mind palace so i'll pist them there all together. and maybe here all together. who give a shit.#emnn skeleton orchestra next and it will fix me#Good lord. sorry. Im so caught up posting this for no reason. Get me out of here#im supposed to have a lecture in 3 hours but post covid symptoms say otherwise. im so fucked#i have a cyberpunk dead boy wip with them but idk i dont like posting wips on here its like an archive. n i want to actually finish it#but dear lord rendering it with their stupid outfits. clutches my chest falls to the floor. AUUUUGH#wxs killing me killing me taking damage augh auugh aughg
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fleetfinite posting hours, look at my goobers
#my art#shoves my fave rarepair in ur face LOOK!!! LOOK AT THEM#fleetfinite#infinite the jackal#fleetway super sonic#yeah i know super sonic isnt called fleetway shut up i just think its a cool name#sth#nobody touch me IM THINKING ABOUT THEM...#this is just a taste. i need to draw them more fucked up#bc their dynamic is a lot more imbalanced and toxic than u may think#obviously. otherwise why would i like it HAHA#the main thing to note is that fleetway is entirely more capable of killing infinite at any time than infinite is of killing fleets#but he chooses to keep infinite alive and around so he can fuck with him in every way#infinites ruby energy is also extremely intriguing and useful to fleets so he likes to use infinite as like a phone charger#hes more fixated on infinite as a tool than as a person. just like everyone else lol :)#but he does find value in infinite as an individual cuz hes really fun to mess with#fleets LOVES stepping over infs boundaries to piss him off and make him uncomfortable#especially bc he knows inf cant do much about it. its fun to watch him squirm#any time inf stands up for himself or appears to be in control its just bc fleets is allowing it to happen#and they both know it#tee hee :3
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why are you starving your farmer's son to death. feed him
#grits teeth. none of you know him like i do#a dude who grew up with food and hard labor is going to be big. come on#im really truly not being specific bc this 'vision' of him just seems to persist endlessly.#its still actually just homophobia and fatphobia imo grow up make him big#he hates clothes and loves sunbathing and food(TREATS!) and does excersize 24/7. did we watch the same show#like that's not. donut. who is that. that's some guy you invited#everyone knows that a group of guys whos story revolves around being 'wrong' and unwanted#would primarily be made of a cishet skinny white male cast#obviously of course#the sunlamp joke made me remember something#i WISH i could go play lamia donut right now i need to do something and instead im throwing up (not related to this)#(but it is very funny to pretend soft uwu gay white blond skinny donut is the source of my woe)#im going to be tormented forever. nobody even cares about my phd#IVE BEEN HERE FOR 8 MISERABLE YEARS!!!!! !#oh god ive actually for real been obsessed with donut for 8 years#listen im talking right now inthe middle of possibley having food poisoned myself but listen listen listen#literally not my first time going on about it#he likes treats. he works out. you cannot deny he is big#i can't control you not putting some melanin on him bc i have nothing for that aside from his tanning#i PERSONALLY do not think he's white on top of that#but he is in no universe skinny#do i think he is as fat as as grif? probably not#he's definitely got enough muscle to carry some crazy shit compared to a city boy though#think actual animals (50lbs+) and bags of concrete (which can be 80+lbs a pop) and all the fucking.#donut cares SO MUCH about doing the things hes told to do. he can get it “Wrong” but how the fuck did he memorize sarge's plans otherwise#small donuts are not donuts those are holes#that is a sex object#kind of literally. lol.#i personally really dont like turning donut into a sex object from the fandom-eye view bc of how hard hes implied to be a SA victim
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i think more business owners should look inward when they complain about issues. is it annoying to have to hire multiple times a year? yes, absolutely. WHY do you think the turnover is so high if everyone says they enjoy the work?? surely. no. it couldn't be the person in charge.
#finishing out my first week as manager at this bnb#where my boss complains about how she can't trust the team to keep it together for a weekend when she's away#and like. a LARGE part of that is that you do not!!!! fully train your staff#everyone thinks the cancellation policy is different. that should not be true#when u are the only person who knows the policies. yeah we're gonna fuck it uo#she's bothering the shit out of me during this hiring process too#the last quit bc my boss told her it didn't matter her baby had a ONE HUNDRED AND FOUR DEGREE FEVER. and was HOSPITALIZED!!!!!!#she needed to come in. no ifs ands or buts#so she quit immediately. can't even blame her#i'm currently writing an operations handbook bc there is so much that me n my coworkers simply did not get trained to do#once it's done i'm taking a copy and adding it to my management portfolio#so i can use it as a reference for new positions#bc why the hell have you been open for EIGHT YEARS and nobody wrote down the instructions for making a reservation#this better be worth it. for my career. or i'm killing#only took this promotion so i can move into other management roles later#so i can open my own artist space in 10yrs#this better be worth it............ otherwise i am going to kill you ******** *****. i will hunt u down.#nina speaks
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My God. Does anyone knows when it stops hurting. Does anyone know how to stop feeling like this.
#I can't even talk about it#I've TRIED to talk about it but nobody FUCKING UNDERSTANDS#you do not know what it is like to have this particular life experience and have it impact every GODDAMN THING that you do#I try to scream about it into the void to MAYBE find other people but no one listens. I try to explain things so that it can make sense#from a logical standpoint but I can't ever make it translate.#I have people I love and people I trust and I am still so fucking alone#GOD and my birthday's tomorrow and I am once again reminded of the passage of time and how I haven't done anything with my life#and how I haven't had a single fucking '''normative''' experience. yeah yeah you shouldn't care TOO BAD--I DO#I care so much. too much. about everything. and that means that literally every single thing in my life is impossible.#and then everything in this country is about to go completely to hell in like 3 weeks which means that I'm gonna be fighting for basic#survival. and I told myself I was at least going to get things done before then. but. well. the past three weeks happened.#genuinely I might become an alcoholic about this I don't know how I can make it through another year otherwise#tw: alcohol#tw: suicidal ideation#tw: current events#In the Vents#*sigh* maybe I can get Cheap Fast Food Breakfast#maybe that will bring me enough temporary joy to make it through the next few hours#and then maybe I play Farming Game again. or watch an anime abridged series#or do a jigsaw puzzle#because I don't think I can do anything creative right now. it's just not there. which SUUUUUUUUUCKS. I'm so tired man.#I want to be a fish. or an amorphous cloud. or at least a completely different person. maybe a better one. or someone more worthy of love.#but I'll take just about ANY kind of different at this point short of being a straight-up asshole
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i got so fucking mind numbingly horny that im sharing a room with four other people right now and i was still touching myself through my boxers, scrolling through here imagining being caught being such a desperate slut that i cant control myself..... i couldnt take it anymore and reached down and started laying with my dick, trying to stroke it but being so sloppy cuz its so small, making myself feel so good with just one hand- rubbing my throbbing head, soft circles, back to stroking. i knew i was wet but when i reached down my boxers were ridiculously soaked, completely covered in my slick. i wonder why i bothered buying lube when i get so wet thats enough to slip anything inside me or to really jack myself off without help of anything else. my vibrator gets the best orgasms outof me but i knew im so needy and stupid that i could get myself to climax with just my hands and without making a sound, trying not to moan or to make my pussy lips or dick smack filthily as i continue to masturbate under the blanket. at some point i get too fucking horny to read so i turn my phone off and have to use both hands to really get in there and focus on feeling good. i both wanted it to never end but i also wanted to cum so bad. what really got me over was thinking about how much of a whore i was for doing this, a fucking animal in heat who cant help himself, getting to the edge all by myself. i was seeig stars, overheating underneath the blanket, and i was right about how desperate i was. i just came right there, in that room with four people, on a bunk bed, touching myself for so long that when i removed the hand that had been playing with my fat clit the longest, my fingers were wrinkled from being in my slick for so long. my hands smell like my pussy. if i had even the slightest bit less self control, id start licking them right now just to taste my own filth.
#mike's in heat#im like pretty sure i have npd and i have deluded myself into thinking nobody can make me feel as good as myself which honestly#just makes me feel hotter whenever i think about it while touching myself. im just doing so good because nobody knows what gets me going#better than i. but hey maybe ill be proven otherwise sometime. the bar is high. ill continue giving myself mountain high orgasms until then#lol it just makes me happy. i love getting off and being such a hot fucking slut.
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Sometimes I hope moving will magically make my relationship with my parents better and then I feel guilty because everyone thought I had such cool parents so I must be making up everything that made my childhood suck and I did have good childhood memories it wasn't always like this so really truly it must be me faking for attention
#and then j think how for ages I thought the only way to be my true self was going no contact but i couldn't even imagine getting a job bc it#was a struggle to make kt through the day#and its not gotten any better.#lots of people hoard food in their rooms for snacks n such. its different when i do it to avoid going out bc going out makes me wsnt to do#unspeakable things because it feels like nobody really wants me in the house#im gonna be so fucked if i csn even get a job bc if my current eating habits and sleep schedule lol#sometimes wish i could go back to being younger where i didnt know my hunger cues as much#i could probably make kt through the day without eating almost anything if i did what i know but i also knoe thats bad lol#but like i need control of something bc i dont have any control or say otherwise#i just hope i can get out soon
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Maybe it's the result of my main fandom for the majority of my life being one where canon just genuinely doesn't exist, where there are so many different canons and literally any sort of interpretation of a single character is correct and can range from a moronic maniac with a chainsaw to a depressed old asshole boss, but
Literally who gives a fuck about canon?
Especially when the character is practically a blank slate or if it's an AU
Like, I'm sorry, but if you're butthurt about a mischaracterisation of a fictional character in an Alternative Universe then I don't think you understand what an AU is
#thylacines can talk#Maybe that's the reason I do not have the same violent reaction to mischaracterisation 99% of fandom spaces seems to have#I genuinely think that getting butthurt over somebody not writing a fictional character exactly how they appear in canon is the stupidest#most juvenile pet peeve you could ever have. Literally WHY do you care so much? It's words on a screen. Calm down.#I think it's only a problem when you believe that it's canon or try to shove your own interpretation of a character or AUs onto everybody#else. Otherwise...literally who cares? Somebody else treating characters like dolls is not hurting me. I'm not about to get legitimately#annoyed over fictional characters in a children's cat book. Unless it's like. Bigoted. But then I criticise the person's beliefs not a#goddammed characterisation of a fictional character.#In the fandom I was in most of my life a trigger-happy clown with a chainsaw canon and an old deppressed asshole boss were seen as the same#character and only had like. One design detail in common. And literally nobody batted an eye. You could write a dynamic between two#characters being incredibly hateful and toxic and somebody else could write them as old friends or an old married couple and both of these#interpretations would be equally canon. A single guy could have two wildly different personalities and backstories and he'd still be#treated like the same character as long as the two looked vaguely similar physically wise. Sure there were interpretations of characters#that were more popular than others but literally the only people who would treat one specific interpretation as canon and shove that#interpretation onto everybody else would be people who came from different kinds of fandoms and let me tell you. They were annoying as fuck#So coming from that kind of fandom into more generic mainstream fandoms feels like such a culture shock. Genuinely cannot comprehend why#people care so much.#'oh this character is so far from canon they might as well make an oc' okay...cool...and?#Maybe they don't want to make an oc?? I mean come on. It's fictional characters. You're an adult. It's not a fucking English class#People don't come to fandoms to study book literacy they come here to have fun. Literally WHO CARES if somebody's interpretation of a#character has only name and looks common with the canon version. WHO CARES. ITS WORDS ON THE SCREEN. Who are they hurting if they're just#making AUs in their own corner and not shoving it in anyone's face?#Idk I just see a characterisation I don't agree with and just go oh. Kinda weird but go off. And move on.#This got longer than I meant it to but whatever#I mean if you have that pet peeve but aren't an asshole about it. It's also whatever. That opinion also doesn't hurt anybody. It's only#people who act so butthurt about it and shit on other people having fun that I have a problem with. If you put it on your own blog and#criticise that sort of content in your own space instead of coming to somebody and going 'hey. I don't like what you're doing'. Then I#couldn't care less. Again. That's kinda weird but go off#It's kind of like. I like horror but I dont care if you dont like horror and talk about it in your own space. But I'm gonna care if you#go up to horror fans and go 'hey I think horror sucks' or 'I dont like horror so you shouldn't either'.
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i think my tolerance for moe (ie the anime stuff) is in freefall rn
#(very long tags just a warning)#once you start realising how ingrained the idea is of youth as the ultimate ideal is you see it everywhere and it gets annoying#the way most popular media is about teenagers doing stuff. the way all the popular art is conventionally attractive people#people calling porcelain doll-faced anime girls in gachas ''milfs'' and ''grandmas''#and in the same way the moe ideal is of youthful characters you can find ''cute'' or you're meant to feel you want to protect#something that's more about what they make you feel rather than anything seen as an actual person#and ''moe voice'' anime girl samples/vocals are everywhere in some the genres of music i listen to#so of course this shit is everywhere online. you go to discuss a certain game and nobody gives a fuck about the female mc as a person#they just want to share sanitised art where she's cute or in a maid outfit or whatever#they never have to think about the female characters in a story when they can just call her cute and share said art#they don't want a person they want something cute#age lines and anger and low periods and certain body types and other facts of life considered ''undesirable'' have no place in moe#people don't want that stuff. and that's what gets me. it's internalised and ingrained EVERYWHERE#and that's transformed into something very ugly in that it's being taken as an ideal rather than a character type#and it means a lot of the things i think are part of the experience of living are cut out and ignored and treated as unwanted#as well as manifesting as ageism and racism and xenophobia at worst when taken as an actual ideal#why do you think there are so many far right wingers who love all that moe stuff and have anime pfps?#anyway back to my main point of irritation with youth as an ideal: that's just an extreme case#i consider moe a form of crystallisation of youth as an ideal as well as what Certain People want from women#and that's why i find myself. tolerating it less.#i don't want a small anime girl to find cute and ''protect'' and otherwise not think about i want a PERSON#anyway ik nobody's gonna read this i just. i tried to listen to a mashup album from 2011 today#i got annoyed with the constant high pitched moe voice samples and had to turn it off bc i was thinking about all of this#i've never really gotten annoyed w it like this til now tbh
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just wanna say im obsessed with your mind and i read your posts about kiryu like the morning paper. thank you for your service
(Sweats) e-even the ones about him laying eggs ?
#Thanks for the ask !#HIIIIII thank you for reading my posts im really a serial rambler so that is no easy feat. i just had a lowkey nightmare that was insect#based so its nice to think about different kinds of eggs once in a while. sorry for the eggs i just learned the word gravid and i cant stop#saying it !!! i literally opened tumblr to make another post about kiryu i was gonna say he was probably antisocial in his childhood which#is really a miracle any girls managed to notice him at all. and i believe that he was very dismissive of his clothing and appearance because#you know when youre young and trans and havent realised it but you just randomly hate everything about your appearance and dont even knowwhy#i think his hair was always too long and too shaggy and he would let nishiki comb it sometimes because he really could not stand his mane#and sometimes when it gets wayy too long and shitty the sunflower caretaker would drag him outside and just cut a chunk of it off with a#knife and kiryu would have shoulder length hair for a little while... anyway i need to give him a little girlfriend like how rikiya had one#when he was in school because all trans guys need a little girlfriend or an all girl group of friends to be his girlfriends when hes a kid#so he can carry their shopping bags and wait for them outside the changing room etc and kiryu cant resist a girl so he gets a letter from#nishiki and he tells him yeah this is probably a prank to have you wait there for hours or there might be guys waiting to ambush you and#beat the crap out of you. and kiryus like Nobody beats the crap out of me except our dad. and goes to meet this girl and he actually agrees#to go out with her and this is the thing that keeps him in school because otherwise he would literally not go. like hed walk with yumi and#nishiki and the rest of the kids at sunflower that he doesnt care about to remember the names of. and he would just wave them off at the#gate and wander the town in his school uniform and then after school he’ll meet nishiki and possibly yumi at the gate (yumi probably makes#other friends but its a Must to walk nishiki home because he’ll get lonely) and when kiryu starts going out with this girl hes obligated to#walk her home so he already broke rule one but nishikis like happy for him But he has to walk home with some other random guys now and#eventually theyll broach the topic of ‘his psycho sister’ and nishiki literally has to beat a few guys up to defend kiryus honour and when#he comes back with news of how unpopular kiryu is with the rest of the guys because he looks better with short hair than they do and has a#girlfriend whos super cute. kiryu is just like damn did you commit social suicide to protect my honour? youre my best friend. but whatever#kids get over it fast. but parents dont!! and kiryu walks his girlfriend right to her front door and soon enough her parents are going to#find out that the boyfriend she keeps gushing about is a girl and straight up take her out of school to make her stop being gay and kiryus#like but ... im a boy ... punches the ground and screams to the sky. anyway enough about dysphoria simulator im here to talk about this guy#when hes a bit older because im salivating and shaking over the thought of his bootyass rip kiryu you woulda loved thongs. i think hed hate#ripped jeans but only because he thinks theyre a waste of manufacturing. its literally better for the world that kiryu decided 2 transition#because can you imagine if she was a girl and needed to wear a bra? like she would literally have an itchy back all the time which would#give her a hair trigger temper which means kamurocho a&e room will be very healthily plush indeed. god my battery is dying i need to take a#shower noww anyway really thank you for the nice message you are so sweet ... hi ...
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#the thing about being so bad at writing is that when you also do it very irregularly about shit nobody else cares about#you drive yourself into a hole where absolutely nothing motivates you cause nobody misses your fics#also ive been made to feel bad lately about choosing fic writing over drawing so its. been a really fucking bad brain time#idk. i dont feel like a contributing member of the fandom. like it doesnt matter at all what i do i dont provide anything of any value#i hate it here and once again im just. sad and done but im useless with anything so what does it matter and who cares#its so hard to explain. i just dont feel like im doing anything meaningful#and i know thats not an actual indicator of the quality of my work but. try telling my garbage brain these two things arent related lmao#sorry im just. im just useless. i dont just feel that i know i am. with anything i cant do just piling up and the list getting longer i jus#maybe i should finally give up writing too. would make thinking about everything so much easier. nobody would miss it#and nobody can convince me otherwise about that#im gonna go cry in my cocoa now goodbye#night is an absolute mess on main
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Two years later and on the other side of major depressive disorder, I don't remember ever crying for maandag 11:03 like I did today.
#like don't get ne wrong I've cried a lot like A LOT watching Sobbe.. an insane unhealthy amount even#over the littlest of things but#not over maandag 11:03 as far as I can remember#Sander breaking down.. his broken cries in Robbe's arms and I couldn't hold my tears anymore#somehow I relate to Sander much more much much more than I went on the hiatus and it's funny because I already related to Sander more#than Robbe before as well#I just felt what he must feel on a very deep and personal level... to think he can never be loved or be treated normally again to always#feel like a victim of his illness a shadow that's lurking always and can anytime overshadow what little happiness or normalcy he tries to#reach and then have someone to tell you it's okay I'm here you're safe you're good we can and we will get through this together ...#to feel anchored and not like you'd fly off any time to have the stability of a loving caring person even through the worst of times when#you hate yourself#oooffff#a crying mess it made me#the way Sander trying to be strong otherwise but breaks down as soon as he realises Robbe really loves him he's really staying ...#not the cruelty it's the tenderness that makes you break down#just how horrible Britt must have been to him nobody deserves that shit#wtfock#don't know if I want to tag this but I'm keeping travk of my posts this way so anyway tag is bereft of people of sorts
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i want to draw specific digital art ideas but i want to write but i want to draw things for other ppl but i want to start my next crochet project but i want to play a video game that's been sitting in my steam library untouched for ages but i want to draw in my sketchbook but i want to - etc etc etc 😭
#and so i sit and do nothing bc i cannot make up my mind about which to work on fsdjkl#i think ''okay just choose one and go do it.'' and then... sit here bc i can't choose one HFDSGJKL#i try to use a wheel spinner but that messes w the brain gophers for some strange reason#also i need to work on cleaning as always HFDSJKL#AUGHHH I HAVE TOO MANY IDEAS#its like... marbles in a marble tower and theyre all in the funnel and jostling for position so nobody can make it down the funnel#the only thing keeping me sane rn is that im listening to the da vinci c.ode audiobook LOL#otherwise i'd just be sitting here going insane all day JFDSJKL#dandy.cmd#vent //
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Conventions are so much fun but in a post covid world im afraid i will never feel comfortable going to one again
#I never went to a furcon and i have a lot of reservations about going to one but covid solidified i will absolutely never go#Which sucks bc they look like fun but no one in the furry fandom knows how to behave. At all#I see worse horror stories every year and an infectious disease nobody really seems to care about is the cherry on top#Like idk. Youre telling me you can run around and be physically active in 15 lbs of fucking fur but cant wear some fabric around your mouth#It seriously upsets me as someone who has done virtually nothing post covid except for a handful of outside events#And then watching all of these superspreaders going to cons and then acting surprised when they have a positive c19 test#I sincerely wonder what it will take for furries to care about disabled people#Especially now that covids causing many people to become disabled or otherwise immunocompromised#Idk i say this as if im able to afford going to any but it makes me sad cause i really love the experience i just refuse to enable this#emf#This is about the d3nfur news btw I'm obviously not sayi ng all furries that go to cons are evil#I think as a con its irresponsible at best to not at least wear masks indoors regardless of vax status
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the hardest part of making a playlist is spreading the Pet Shop Boys songs apart so it's not too obvious that there are too many of them
#the one thing about 8tracks i don't miss is that it wouldn't let you put more than 2 songs by the same artist on one playlist#of course you could circumvent it by changing the spelling but still#anyway this time the PSB is actually warranted because the character is a middleaged brit#Trent Crimm listens to Pet Shop Boys and nobody can tell me otherwise not even James Lance himself#so. should i publish my Trent playlist i think i'm gonna do it#making playlists seems to be the only form of fannish creation i'm capable of these days
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