#just makes me feel hotter whenever i think about it while touching myself. im just doing so good because nobody knows what gets me going

[spikedwh0re]

i got so fucking mind numbingly horny that im sharing a room with four other people right now and i was still touching myself through my boxers, scrolling through here imagining being caught being such a desperate slut that i cant control myself..... i couldnt take it anymore and reached down and started laying with my dick, trying to stroke it but being so sloppy cuz its so small, making myself feel so good with just one hand- rubbing my throbbing head, soft circles, back to stroking. i knew i was wet but when i reached down my boxers were ridiculously soaked, completely covered in my slick. i wonder why i bothered buying lube when i get so wet thats enough to slip anything inside me or to really jack myself off without help of anything else. my vibrator gets the best orgasms outof me but i knew im so needy and stupid that i could get myself to climax with just my hands and without making a sound, trying not to moan or to make my pussy lips or dick smack filthily as i continue to masturbate under the blanket. at some point i get too fucking horny to read so i turn my phone off and have to use both hands to really get in there and focus on feeling good. i both wanted it to never end but i also wanted to cum so bad. what really got me over was thinking about how much of a whore i was for doing this, a fucking animal in heat who cant help himself, getting to the edge all by myself. i was seeig stars, overheating underneath the blanket, and i was right about how desperate i was. i just came right there, in that room with four people, on a bunk bed, touching myself for so long that when i removed the hand that had been playing with my fat clit the longest, my fingers were wrinkled from being in my slick for so long. my hands smell like my pussy. if i had even the slightest bit less self control, id start licking them right now just to taste my own filth.

[chimerasex]

1, 6, 8, 11, 12, and 14 for the unusual nsfw asks? ^_^

thank u for the ask anooonnn 💜 giving you soft kisses

1. What are the ideal nudes that someone could send you?

ohhh god i mean im honestly not fussy i love all nudes im kind of desperate for anything.... but i love upskirts i love teasing photos where its pretty girls in cute clothes, like oversized sweaters, cute crop tops, long soft socks... just barely hiding all the right places i wanna get my face into <3.. public nudes drive me fucking crazy especially when you can tell it was hard to take or knowing they just couldnt help themself thinking about me that they just had to send me photos showing how needy they are for me. unsolicited nudes forcing me to show how in heat you are, how desperate you are to want me and have me see you so vunerable and desperate to have me... (ive been meaning to take some public stuff myself but its harder after my move :,( help!!)

6. Something you did in bed and would LOVE to do again?

hahaha not in bed but i love public sex so bad... i think about a lot the times ive been forcibly fingered in restaraunts & shops trying to hide the fact im wet and trying not to make noises as i eat, the times ive sucked cock or eaten someone out from underneath their skirt while at the very top of a ferris wheel... its so so so risky but i love it. id pay like a 1000 dollars to do it again. there was one time i was folded right up and pinned as one of my exes pounded me with a strap on, i was crying so much from all the pleasure she forced my mouth shut and told me to stop being such a loud bitch and keep grinding against her cock like that cause she wanted to feel me cum on her dick.... um. hi. god.

8. Something you never did in bed and would love to do?

haha... its so silly but ive never actually done somnophilia before or been cummed in raw... or really any raw unprotected sex... its been a huge fixation for me the last couple months. but uhm. uh. if you want a bigger answer then um. actual IRL cnc scenarios and 2-3+ penetration/multiple insertions.... i like. being broken into and used, watched to see how far i can be pushed... >>

11. What kink/fantasy of yours are you the most embarrassed about? Why?

armpits.... sweat & pheremones... um. girls with cocks... i find smells so fucking intoxicating sometimes even in public when i smell perfume on a girl or know some older woman around me has been working out and recently been um. well. ready to. yeah and being able to smell all that on her... it turns off my brain it makes me so so fucking needy. the dick thing is hugely a self dysphoria fufillment thing in making myself feel more comfortable in my bottom dysphoria cause. ive wanted a dick my whole life as a girl and i wanna breed other girls so bad its kind of actually embarassingly cringe but im also just. really really addicted and find womens bodies gorgeous and if they have a cock its all the more hotter even if i never get to touch it or even acknowledge it. if i get to press a hot girl deep in the mattress pounding her holes and i get to see her beautiful body, her twitching cock as i roughhouse her prostate/gspot and make her moan uncontrollably underneath me like the cutest bunny girl... um. yeah. i hope it isnt fetishizing or objectifying to say that and id never want my attraction to it to become something that would make another woman feel objectified or only liked for their bodily organs so let me know and i can back off. haha

12. What’s the weirdest thing that turned you on? Did you masturbate to it? Would you do it again?

uhhh oh wow.wow this is a hard question ive never been into piss but there was this girl i knew who used to tell me she wanted me to lose control and piss myself all over her. use her as a urinal. um. Yeah that got me really horny ive also gotten really horny at gynecologist visits. whenever a womans touching me even if its on the guise of medical care i cant help it i get really wet and i start thinking about what, if she took advantage of her license just to use me... to touch my poor wet needy clit. its theri duty as doctors to help their clients..... id probably do the latter again. maybe not the first one unless it was with someone i really like.... i tend to be extremely selective when im sharing kinks with people, probably only 1-4 at a time... if i give you full reign to try any kink/fetish you want with me you're very very very very lucky. only like 2 people have ever been given

14. What body part would you worship on other people to the end of time because NGHHHH?

uuugufhfhgfh tits, thighs, tummy.... pussy/cock & balls (balls especially...) i love soft tummies i love tits especially small tits like they need to be praised and worshipped like goddesses because small boobs do not get enough love for how sensitive and cute they are... if i had a dick i wish i could rub my cock against her soft fat tummy if she has a uncut cock know id be on my knees sucking and moaning drooling, nuzzling my face against that cock ready to clean her foreskin with my tongue every day. i wanna tongue her dick like a sheath and feel her get hard in my mouth as i polish her and get her cock all drooly & wet for whatever she needs. especially if its to prepare her cock to be put in any holes she needs (even if not mine.....) im sorry that was all super nasty but its true. even if she has cheese i need her cock in my mouth 24/7 and drooling, mumbling inbetween sucks how good it tastes and how good it feels to worship cock every day like its my only life purpose...

um. anyway ^_^ looks around shyly..... you can ask more questions if you want. <3

[thrillridesz]

all i want for christmas | eric

in part of the deobi secret santa project and dedicated as a gift to @channiewoo​ ✨ ( i hope you like it >< i tried my best! )

➳ pairing: college student!eric x reader ( ft juyeon, kevin, chanhee and sangyeon with jacob mentions! )

➳ genre: fluff, fantasy, time travel!au, time loop!au, christmas!au, university!au, love triangle!au ( ish? )

➳ warnings: n/a (PG13)

➳ word count: 4.6k

➳ inspo: lotus inn by why don’t we

➳ fic playlist: all i want for christmas - big time rush ft miranda cosgrove | lotus inn - why don’t we | christmassy! - the boyz | you belong with me - taylor swift | crush - david archuleta

a/n : this is my christmas secret santa gift to eri @channiewoo​  ^^ also hi, i’m your theb secret santa! thank you for being such a sweet person to talk to throughout this month and honestly you really made my first secret santa here on tumblr pretty memorable! i know we’ve just exchanged a few asks here and there but i genuinely did like talking to you though im not the most frequent secret santa anon out there >< i sincerely hope you can forgive me for that. but anyways, i hope you like your gift!!

+ also unedited for now because i really wanted to post this on christmas day... and tags are still not working but i don’t want to delay this any longer

The Christmas spirit could be felt in all corners of the house that night as the sweet aroma of freshly baked cookies and crackling log fire from the fireplace wafted in the air while party guests swayed to the upbeat  Christmas music playing on the stereo and chatted merrily amongst themselves. Outside, fine white snow was falling and against the black canvas of the night sky, it made the streets seem almost serene and even beautiful. Looking out, one could easily feel the Christmas mood as neighbours held their own christmas parties and family gatherings. Everywhere they looked, they would see beautifully decorated houses adorned with Christmas wreaths and intricate fairy lights. Sometimes, one would even see the occasional snowmans displayed out in the neighbours’ yards, covered in scarves and hats with the ever familiar carrot nose. From a distance a few doors down, one could also hear singing - a telltale sign of the local group of Christmas carolers making their rounds in the neighbourhood like they did every year.

This was what Christmas is all about - enjoying good food with loved ones, receiving amazing gifts, going door to door caroling and feeling at home with the people you appreciate and cherish while the winter snow falls outside. Yet, Eric felt anything but. In fact, his heart was pounding against his chest as he sipped nervously at his mug of hot apple cider. Around him, the party guests were mingling and laughing at the college Christmas party as they shared funny stories from the year they had, feeling particularly merry. Normally, it would have been easy for him to get in the mood but not this time.

“I don’t get what you’re so nervous about.” Kevin said, shaking his head. “Why can’t you just talk to her?”

“I don’t want to make a fool out of myself. What if I mess up?” He replied despondently, his eyes softening as he glanced at you from across the room.

There you were - decked out in a cute Christmas outfit just standing by the fireplace, your hair falling around your face and framing it, looking more beautiful than he had remembered. The smile on your face made his heart flutter ever so slightly and he could feel his face grow warmer despite having a huge mug of apple cider just in front of him. The santa hat you wore added just that little touch of sweetness and adorableness to you and Eric couldn’t help but feel his heart start to pound in his chest. If you weren’t already stunning to him, you were breathtakingly beautiful to him now. Every little smile or shy glance made his heart beat just a little faster and he reached up to clutch softly as his chest.

“It’s better than not trying at all, Eric.” Kevin pointed out, taking a bite out of his gingerbread cookie. “You ought to have a little bit more faith in yourself.”

Eric sighed in resignation. “It’s so much easier talking about it than actually doing it. Everytime I think about doing it, I chicken out. I just can’t seem to stop fearing about possibly screwing it up, Kev.”

Kevin regarded him with a sympathetic look before patting him reassuringly on the shoulder. “I understand. Look man, if you don’t feel ready then you don’t have to force yourself to talk to her.”

“I promised myself that today would be the day.”

“Yeah, I know you did but still, you don’t have to force yourself. Your face is turning pale from the anxiety.” The latter said, concerned.

“It is?” Eric asked, alarmed as he quickly turned to the window beside him, checking out his reflection. He narrowed his eyes as he reached up to ruffle his hair in an attempt to make it look somewhat better though all it did was make it seem more tousled.

Kevin watched him, chuckling softly. Men in love are truly a different breed.

“Hey, Kev! I nearly forgot, do you want to listen to my newly curated Christmas playlist? I’ve been meaning to ask but I couldn’t find you.” Sangyeon suddenly appeared from behind the duo, with a joyous grin on his face. Kevin gave Eric a questioning look which he waved away.

“I’ll be fine.” He smiled.

“Alright… If you need anything, just call me!” Kevin said, casting him a last fleeting glance as he walked away with Sangyeon.

Holding the mug of hot apple cider close to his chest, Eric leaned against the cold glass panel of the window, staring out listlessly despite the steady pounding of his heart. He shot a furtive glance in your direction and quickly looked away, his cheeks reddening. At this rate, it would not be long before he turned as red as Rudolph’s nose.

“Get a grip, Eric. Why are you being such a wimp?” He chided himself. Looking around, Eric couldn’t help but observe his surroundings wistfully.

Everyone was seemingly in their element - snacking on Christmas snacks, dancing and just having fun. By the boombox, he watched as Hyunjae engaged in conversation with a girl who he did not recognise. The way they were laughing and the way she so flirtatiously slapped him on the shoulder, giggling at something Hyunjae said made Eric feel so deeply envious. Even from where he was, the smitten look on her face was undeniable and he wondered why he couldn’t have been more of a ladies’ man like Hyunjae was. Things would have been so much easier for him. Why is it that whenever it came to you he was suddenly the most awkward person to grace the face of this earth? It just didn’t make sense to him.

Sighing, he took another sip of his hot apple cider, feeling the liquid burn at the back of his throat. Suddenly, he frowned, his eyes narrowing. Who was that?

He had one of the most attractive faces Eric had ever seen - with soft, fine dark hair, a strong build and a warm smile that simply lit up the room. There he was, talking to you and you sliding your hand over his shoulder, not in a seductive or flirtatious way but in a friendly way though it was still enough to spark jealousy in Eric’s heart. He watched intently as you leaned in to whisper something in his year, his smile growing wider at your words.

Eric longed to know what the two of you were talking about, his grip on his mug growing tighter and firmer.

“Lost your chance, buddy.”

Swivelling around, Eric nearly spilled his apple cider as he turned to face a pink haired boy with an upturned nose. He didn’t remember seeing him around but there was something odd about him that Eric couldn’t quite put his finger on. Not to mention, that statement really did rub him off the wrong way.

“Excuse me?” His tone was slightly icy as he furrowed his brows together, frowning at the stranger in front of him.

“Didn’t you want to talk to her?” The boy asked, taking a swig of his hot chocolate, seemingly not noticing the confused look Eric was shooting him.

“Do I know you?”

“Oh right! I’m sorry, I should have introduced myself. How rude of me… I’m Chanhee but you can call me New. Everyone does,” he smiled warmly, “you’re Eric?”

Eric narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “Yes? How do you know my name?”

“I just do. I know everyone,” He waved away his question nonchalantly, “I see you have a Christmas sweetheart.”

He tipped his mug in your direction and Eric felt his face grow hotter, annoyance setting in at the same time.

“How is that any of your business?” He snapped, his tone indignant and confrontational.

“I am here to help so watch your tone around me.” New rolled his eyes, looking at him in disdain though there was a twinkle in his eyes as he continued, “I can help you get the girl.”

Eric cast you a sideway glance before turning back to New with a skeptical expression. Whoever this guy was, he was weird, odd. Yet, the proposal he had proposed was a tempting one and despite himself, he felt inclined to listen. Watching you from afar, Eric’s heart sank just a little deeper as the guy you were talking to suddenly reached up to brush your hair away from your face, the both of you looking into each other’s eyes as he did. The irritation and jealousy he felt came back stronger than ever and before he knew it, the words were out of his mouth before he even knew it.

“How can you help?”

At his words, New grinned, drawing a small crystal vial from his pocket. The vial was filled with a mysterious sparkly, glowy pink liquid and smelled distinctively of roasted chestnuts though Eric was almost a thousand percent sure the liquid was not made of any kind of roasted chestnuts in any shape or form. As New popped open the cap, the scent grew even stronger and Eric shot him an alarmed look.

“What is that? A drug?!” Looking around frantically, it felt like nobody was paying the two of them any attention, being too preoccupied with their own conversations. How is nobody noticing this?

“Calm down and don’t get your panties in a twist.” New scoffed, “It’s a time travel potion. Or a time loop potion if you will.”

This guy is actually crazy. Eric almost wanted to laugh out loud at the ridiculousness of it all but barely managed to suppress it.

“Okay…?”

“Yup, I made it myself. Took me like half a year to brew it to perfection but it should work now. I followed each step really closely so there should be no problems.”

“Yeah, sure man. Thanks for wasting my time. If you don’t mind, I’ll be leaving. Thanks for the false hope.” Eric grumbled, taking his leave and not even bothering to consider the chagrined look on New’s face. Mayhaps Christmas is not his time either. He wondered how long this would drag on. When Valentine’s Day rolled around, he chickened out and said ‘next time’. When Halloween rolled around, he chickened out yet again and promised to make a move by Thanksgiving yet when Thanksgiving rolled around, he settled for Christmas. Now…

“Maybe it’s just not meant to be. Maybe I’m just too much of a coward.” He whispered to himself, pushing his way through the crowd of people. As he took yet another sip of his hot apple cider, he couldn’t help but keep his eye on you. The way you were now looping your arms over the guy’s neck and the way he had his large hands on your waist made Eric want to leave the party. If only he had a little bit more faith…

“What time is it anyways?” He murmured to himself, wanting more than anything to leave.

9:04pm. Damn. It wouldn’t be until two hours later for the party to end. Sure, he could always leave early but he would hate to be seen as disrespectful to everyone else especially Jacob, the host of this lovely party.

He stared at the mug of hot apple cider he had in his hand, scrunching up his nose at the taste of it.

Was it just him or did it taste slightly… Off?

Eric gazed at it for a moment before he shook his head. I’m overthinking everything, he thought. However as he stood over the snack table, he felt a sharp pain at the back of his head. It was like having someone slap him at his head before his vision turned blurry. His limbs were beginning to go soft and his mouth dry. What was happening? He blinked rapidly but to no avail. It felt like he was falling in a deep pit…

When he opened his eyes again, everything felt fine. Patting himself lightly on the face, he looked around his surroundings in confusion. Just what was that? Did he imagine all of that? The mug of hot apple cider was still in his hands and the reindeer horns band was still on his head. He was wearing the same clothes and everything had become clear, there were no more blurry visions. The pounding in his head had stopped and it felt like whatever happened earlier was merely a figment of his own imagination.

“Eric…? Eric!”

The voice shook him from his stupor and with a start, he lifted his head to see Kevin regarding him with a questioning look on his face.

“You okay? You zoned out for a minute and I mean, really zoned out.”

“Y-Yeah… Aren’t you supposed to go listen to Sangyeon’s playlist or something?”

Kevin raised an eyebrow.

“What playlist?”

Eric frowned. “Didn’t Sangyeon ask you to listen to his Christmas playlist?”

“Um… No? Even if he has one, he hasn’t asked me yet.”

Eric looked at Kevin with confusion in his eyes. What was going on? Last he remembered, that was exactly what happened. Swivelling around, the confusion got even stronger when he saw you standing all alone at the other corner of the house. Were you not with that guy?

Instantly, he remembered what New had said. “Time travel potion…” He mumbled under his breath, his eyes widening when the realisation dawned upon. No way…

Whipping out his phone, it felt like his heart was about to pound right out of his chest when he saw the time. His throat felt dry and tight as he stared, unable to believe his eyes.

8:46pm.

Eric suddenly recalled the weird taste he had gotten in his cider and instinctively, his hand reached up to cover his mouth. There was no other explanation for this other than the fact that one, that New or was it Kyu guy had not been lying when he spoke of a time travel potion and two, he had slipped him the potion on purpose when he wasn’t looking. He could feel the anger bubble up within him - the nerve of that guy! With pure, unadulterated fury in his eyes, his gaze swept across the room, looking for him. Kevin looked on, thoroughly puzzled.

“...Eric? Are you okay? You’ve got a weird look on your face.” He asked, concerned. “Eric?”

All anger had just dissipated from his being as his sights finally landed on you. There you were, standing all alone at the fireplace with a drink in your hand while your friend danced. The look on your face was one of loneliness and even from a mile away, anyone could tell you looked extremely awkward at having been left alone while she swayed up against Haknyeon, a guy he recognised from his Medieval History module.

From the corner of his eye, he could see the same dark haired guy he had seen approach you ‘earlier’. Following his gaze, Eric could feel his stomach drop as he realised that they were on you. From his body language, it was clear that he was about to make his way over and take his chances with you.

Just then, a voice at the back of his mind whispered softly.

“What are you waiting for?”

Taking a deep breath, Eric squared his shoulders and hurriedly straightened the jacket he was wearing. This is it. This is actually it. He was going to do it. His legs were moving now, one step after another in large strides towards you. The sound of his heart pounding was practically deafening to his ears and he could feel his legs turning into lead, each footstep heavier than the next. Squeezing past the crowd, another voice - this time insistent and panicky - suddenly cried out.

“No, don’t do this! What if you embarrass yourself and make yourself out to be a fool?”

Eric’s face paled. No, this is a mistake. What was he doing?

“Hello?”

Shaking out of his thoughts, Eric almost jumped back in shock at the sight of you just right in front of him. Before he even realised it, he had made his way over. It is now too late to back out. Had he been standing there like an idiot this whole time?

“I-I… Hey!” He squeaked out, his heart almost leaping out of his chest.

“You’re Eric right? Eric Sohn from Professor Kim’s introduction to accounting class?” You asked kindly.

From the corner of his eye, he could see the guy from ‘earlier’ approaching, pushing past the crowd and judging from his demeanour… It seemed like the competition was still in the game.

He needed to pull this off.

“Yeah, I am. Y/n right? It’s a pretty cool party, isn’t it?”

“Mhm! Pretty great so far! My friend is over there dancing but I’m not much of a party dancer so here I am,” you smiled and Eric almost forgot what he was about to say.

“I-”

“Hey, how are you guys enjoying the party?”

Eric looked up and his brows furrowed into an annoyed and anxious ‘v’. The dark haired competition merely grinned back at him though there was a certain glint in his eyes which made Eric clench his jaw tightly. It was the sort of gaze that was long enough to send a goading message - game on.

He smiled and extended a hand towards you, completely ignoring Eric. “I’m Juyeon, roommate of Jacob’s. I saw you from afar and thought I’d come say hi.”

You shook his hand, oblivious to the tension between the two guys. “I’m y/n. It’s nice to meet you.”

Juyeon briefly lifted his gaze to Eric and without anyone’s notice but his, he winked slyly.

“Revolting.” Eric thought angrily.

“I heard they have some really cool peppermint treats at the candy table, wanna come?” Juyeon asked and quickly Eric said, “I heard they have a great log cake at the snack bar though. I’ve heard people raving about it!”

You looked at the both of them, seemingly a little disconcerted. “Uh… I…” Juyeon shot Eric a scathing look which he returned with a smug smile.

“Who doesn’t love a good old log cake?” He asked, to which Juyeon rolled his eyes at.

“I mean… I do love peppermint…” You trailed off and Eric turned to you with wide eyes as big as saucers and Juyeon’s lips lifted into a smug smile.

“Excellent choice! I hear they have so many varieties…” Juyeon chattered on, placing his arm over your shoulder, leaving poor Eric speechless and red faced, watching helplessly as the two of you walked away from him. Turning behind you, you had an apologetic look on your face but said nothing.

“That’s too bad. I was rooting for you, you know?”

Eric swivelled around to find New standing behind him yet again, this time chewing on a piece of toffee. The time on his watch was clear as day as the red, glowing digits stared right back at him - 9:04pm. It had come full circle. He had the chance to turn things around but he had failed. Somehow, the nonchalant look in New’s face irritated him but he tried to remain calm. His gaze drifted down to the bulge in the man’s jacket pocket, tracing the faint outline of the tiny vial that contained the potion from earlier.

“At least we know now that I’m legit, right?” He winked at Eric, smirking as he did though it dropped when he saw the look on the latter’s face.

“Why are you-”

“Please, give me one more chance. Please just let me turn back time this one more time.” He pleaded. Eric was not one to plead but this time, he was feeling particularly desperate.

New looked at him like he had just sprouted an extra head before he burst out laughing.

“How’s that for a turn of the tables, Mr ‘thank you for wasting my time’?” He asked, still giggling. Clearly, he was taking much joy in this new dynamic - something Eric didn’t look too pleased about though he was not about to act on it. After all, it was New’s potion that allowed him this one more chance which he had quite unspectacularly let slip from his grasp.

“Alright, I suppose I could let you try this one more time though I’ll definitely be charging for your next usage.” New sighed, whipping out the vial. “I did want you to succeed after all.”

As Eric gulped down his drink, the familiar feeling of dizziness washed over him yet again, along with the looseness in his limbs and before he knew it, he found himself standing right where he was with you standing where you were previously.

This time, Eric squared his shoulders and ran a hand nervously through his hair. There you were yet again, standing by the fireplace with that drink in your hand.

“No hesitation this time,” he whispered to himself before he made his way over. He barely even paid attention to Juyeon coming in from the side as he struck up a conversation.

“Hey, y/n from professor Kim’s introduction to accounting right?”

You turned to him, looking a little surprised before you smiled warmly at him.

“Yeah! Eric, is it? It’s nice to see you here.”

“How’s things going so far at the party?” He asked, trying to keep the edge out of his voice. His nervousness was getting to him quickly but the thought of messing up yet again reined him back in and his smile stayed on.

You wrinkled your nose as if considering his question before you replied, “Well, it’s going alright so far. I’m not really a party sort of person but I thought I’d make an exception since you know, Jacob’s my friend.”

“I see! I don’t usually mind parties but I do like…” He paused as he saw Juyeon approaching, the gears in his head whirring away and you looked at him curiously.

“Eric…?”

“How about we go get some peppermint? I hear they have a variety here.” He suggested quickly, his eyes darting towards Juyeon’s direction.

You stared at him, looking a little perturbed but then grinned and nodded. “Sure, I love peppermints.”

Before Juyeon could even make his way over, the two of you had walked away, squeezing past the dancing crowd. The bass beat of the music was so resounding throughout the house that it almost seemed as if the walls were vibrating as well. The glitter and lights all around all looked stunning but perhaps a little too stunning as Eric made his way through the crowd with you just right by him. From all sides, people were accidentally bumping into each other and more than once, he almost lost his balance.

As the two of you neared the candy table, Eric realised too late that perhaps pushing past the crowd had been a bad idea and that a smarter way would be to stay out of the dance floor when he felt himself fall forward. Someone’s foot had been there and without looking, he had tripped over and landed with a huge thud on the floor, flat on his belly. His chin collided with the ground and if he had hit it just a little harder, had the impact been just a tad stronger, he might have suffered a serious injury.

Since you were just trailing behind him, his unexpected fall had sent you falling as well. As the both of you crashed against the ground, some members of the crowd audibly gasped as people shuffled out of the way. Though it may have hurt when he fell, Eric’s heart ached much more than the bruise he would no doubt sport on his knees tomorrow. Seeing you sprawled next to him and knowing all of this happened only because of him, he wanted nothing more than to dig a hole right there and then and leap right in.

A few partygoers reached out to help him up and right next to him, Juyeon appeared in front of you, extending a hand with a look of concern. Eric watched as the two of you looked into each other’s eyes and like in a fairytale princess bedtime story, you reached out tentatively to hold onto Juyeon’s hand as his heart fell to the ground with a messy splat.

“Y/n-”

“Are you guys okay?” Juyeon asked though it seemed as if he was only asking you in general.

“Yeah, we’re alright. Thank you.” You said softly, still seemingly a little frazzled.

“Come, let us go get you seated somewhere.”

Eric couldn’t help but simply stand there and look helplessly as the both of you wandered away, his heart feeling like it was about to shatter into pieces. A second chance he was given and he screwed it up and if that wasn’t enough, he was offered yet another shot which went worse than his first. Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be. Maybe no matter how many times he tried, tonight was just not the night. Or perhaps nothing was ever destined to happen between you two. The jolly christmas music was still playing but he no longer was in the Christmassy spirit anymore.

All he wanted for Christmas was you but it seemed that that didn’t seem so possible anymore, if not impossible.

As the partygoers resumed their dancing, all he could do was plop himself down on the nearby couch and do nothing except nurse not just his fallen pride but also his feelings which never had the chance to express themselves before it got completely shut down.

Grabbing a bottle of ginger ale from a nearby pack, he took a swig and felt the ale burn as it ran down his throat. Usually, he would have loved it but tonight, it just left a bitter taste in his mouth. Keeping his head down, Eric exhaled deeply. He ought to just give up completely.

“Hey, Eric.”

At the sound of your voice, his head snapped up and he gazed up at you with wide eyes. There you were, standing before him and looking down at him as he wallowed in his own feelings. How long have you been standing there? Why were you here?

“Y-y/n?”

You gave him a bashful glance as you sat yourself next to him. “Are you okay? Did you get hurt?”

“I… I… “ He simply stared at you, his mouth gaping like a fish and looking absolutely flummoxed. “Didn’t Juyeon-”

“I couldn’t possibly leave you alone.” You hurried to say and when he didn’t reply, you continued. “Do you… Do you mind if I sit here with you?”

It took Eric a second for it to register in his mind what you had just asked of him before he grew flustered just as the joy in him began to spark.

“Do I mind? No! Of course not! You’re welcomed here! Please, sit with me!”

As he chattered on nervously, you couldn’t help but admire the way his eyes would light up whenever he talked and how charming his smile was. He was in the habit of moving his hands around a lot which though some might find annoying, you only found to be endearing. You could feel your heart beating quickly which always happened whenever you were near him, saw him around class or even just at the mere mention of his name.

As you looked into his eyes, you felt yourself clench on tightly to the couch, the excitement in you simply immeasurable. You couldn’t help but smile as you felt the weight of the vial in your pocket. A worthy bargain indeed from the mysterious pink haired boy.

This was all you wanted for Christmas.

[bitchiha]

S/O walking in on kakashi, iruka, and yamato (separate ofc) masturbating? 👉👈

A/N: HI BLESS YOU FOR THIS I REad THIS AND I JUST HAD TO TYPE IT OUT ASAP because Wowowowowo

✎ (NSFW) S/o walking in on them masturbating 

Kakashi

This guy is horny 24/7 so when you’re not around he’s kinda like... shit, now what? Like you’re not there to help him out and he’s hard as a rock.. So he just goes at it LMFAO

He probably jacks off a lot when you’re away on missions, just because - as I ruthlessly state in every possible kakashi headcanon I write - he’s horny!!!!!!!!

Honestly like he’s always horny, sometimes he can’t help himself

So yeah, he does it all the time, you just haven’t happened to catch him in the act. Until now lol.

You had left a few days ago on a mission leaving your shared apartment to himself. It’s about 10 pm and he’s reading Icha Icha in bed and there is an especially steamy scene going down and he can’t stop thinking about doing the contents in the book to you..

Having you ontop of him right now with your hands on his chest for support as you ride him, tits bouncing with every movement..Then he thinks of your face, with your jaw slightly open from the way his dick is making you feel..

Annnnd.. now he’s got a boner

Doesn’t even panic because he's used to it, hes just like “oh well, guess I’ll have to do something about this myself.” He was half expecting himself to have to do this at some point in your absence.

He was in a t-shirt and sweats, so he just sits up quickly and takes the shirt off, tossing it on the foot of the bed as he stands up, grabbing one of your panties from your wardrobe. He took the white lacy ones (they’re his favourite) and lays back down on the bed against the pillows.

Pulls his dick out slowly, shoving his briefs and sweatpants down a little bit, too eager to actually rid himself of all his clothes.

Then he reaches for his lotion and lets be real, he has lotion on the bedside table. So, he reaches over and puts some on his hands, wrapping your panties up around his cock and gets down to business.

Starts slowly and squeezes his eyes shut, he doesn’t even have to try hard to picture you ontop of him because he literally thinks about it all the time when he’s in these moods. I told you he’s literally always horny.

As he picks up the pace he becomes a real groaning mess. Afterall he needs some sounds to make it seem real.

He starts dirty talking out loud and acting like he’s talking to you.

“Fuck, y/n.” “You take my dick so well.”

His head is thrown back and he’s getting really close.

He’s so caught up in pleasuring himself that he doesn’t hear the door to your apartment open or the sound of you calling his name (if he did, he probably just thought it was his imagination.)

Then you call out again and your voice is getting closer, it seems real this time, so he opens his eyes and as he does he sees the doorknob to the bedroom turning and his hands are still pumping his cock, so he just kind of freezes.

“Kakashi? im home! The mission finished early-“

You open the door to see a sweat soaked Kakashi with his head thrown back on the pillows and his bare chest tightening as his stroking stopped hastily. Not to mention his favourite pair of your panties around his cock being used as stimulation.

He just ares at you, lifting his head and panting slightly. He doesn’t bother to try and cover up what he was doing because there was no way you didn’t hear him just say, “your such a fucking whore for me” before you opened the door.

Honestly, your blushing face just turns him on even more and so he recovers from the shock pretty quickly lol, he says something like, “oh thats good, I’ve got something I need you to take care of.”

Then it just leads to classic horny Kakashi sex

Yamato

Okay Uhm hes also really fucking horny.

You two are on a mission together and you’re setting up camp for the rest of the night in one of his woodstyle jutsu houses. 

It was a really hot day and so you told him that you needed to go wash up in the lake.

Man this guy has been crushing on you since you two first met when he was assigned to Team 7 by Tsunade, but he gets so nervous whenever he tries to ask you out. 

You just fluster him all the time and it doesnt help that he is usually horny as fuck. So as he lays back on one of his wood style chairs and starts thinking...

The thought of you stripping down, unclasping your bra and slowly pulling your panties down before slipping into the lake and washing yourself only made his unbearable desire even worse.

Plus he has a thing for tits so he’s imagining little water droplets slowly sliding down your hardened nipples, courtesy of the cold water.

Before he knows what he’s doing he’s reaching for the waistband of his pants and yanking them down.

He’s jerked off loads of times before so he knows what he’s doing lolololololol

Doesn’t have lotion though so he just resorts to his pre cum and spitting on his hands.

Starts off a little faster than he usually does because he’s kinda rushing since you may be back anytime soon. That low-key turns him on even more though.

Definitely thinking about fucking you in the lake

Can’t help the moans, I mentioned this before and I’ll say it again, hes pretty loud when he’s getting down to business

Mumbles some dirty shit under his breath and it’s actually 10000% hotter than you would imagine

Like it’s all breathy and his head is tilted back with eyes eyes squeezed shut and omfgggg you can see his Adam’s Apple moving slowly and hdhdhsjsjsjsjshsh ugh wow

“Ngh, y/n... you like that?” “Such.. such a good girl for me.”

Can’t hear anything over the sound of him moaning and the pumping of his cock

So he doesn’t even realize you’ve walked into the house because you forgot your towel and are standing right outside the bedroom door where he is jacking off and thinking about fucking you senseless in the lake

You have to walk right up to him and stand directly in front of him, he senses someones presence so he opens his eyes and his jaw drops at the sight of you and his movements freeze.

“I- Y/n..”

He’s so embarrassed omg, tries to cover up, but you stop him because let’s be real.. now you’re horny as fuck too

And then he actually does fuck you in the lake <3

Iruka

Okay so basically Iruka is a closet horney. Like let’s be real hes also touch starved as hell.. The only difference between Yamato, Kakashi and him is that Iruka can’t communicate his horniness.. poor guy

So when you’re out for the afternoon helping Naruto buy groceries for actually decent prices and forcing him to buy vegetables, hes alone by himself.

It’s the weekend and he’s already caught up on marking work for the academy, so he lets his mind wander and starts thinking about what a great mom you were gonna be for their kids.. then he starts thinking about the act of having kids..

Now he’s all worked up lol

He doesn’t want to do it

He really doesn’t want to, but he can’t stop thinking about you kissing up the column of his throat or straddling his waist and grinding down on him while he groans underneath you and well.. he gets uncomfortably hard.

Decides to lay there and maybe it will go away

It doesn’t

He decides to take a shower, maybe that will help him calm down

Big mistake 

Because now, as he’s showering he’s thinking about YOU showering and gosh he feels like such a pervert but he can’t help himself and he keeps thinking about all the things he wants you to do to him in the shower

Gives in and grabs his length frustratedly and just starts at a very fast needy pace, wanting to get it over with, which is kinda painful at first but he doesn’t care he just needs to get rid of this feeling.

As he starts getting close he can’t help the volume of the panting and groans leaving his mouth

Which alarms you as you enter your apartment. Dropping your grocery bags and locking the door to the house behind you.

“Iruka?” You call concernedly as you make your way to the washroom, the door left ajar in his haze to rid himself of his flustered state

That’s when you see him, water pouring down his body as he desperately pumps at his dick. His heads bent downward as the water falls into his hair and onto his neck, trailing down his back.

My gosh girl... like wow whatta sight

And his cheeks are red because he’s blushing about all the things he’s thinking of, literally wowowow

He still doesn’t know you’re there because you’re hiding behind the door and your practically drooling at the shit he’s muttering

“Dont s-stop.” “Y/n... ngh... please, let me cum in you.”

Then you swing the door open because you can’t handle it anymore

His head snaps up immediately and his hands fall away from his dick and attempts to cover it as if that was gonna prove he wasn’t just moaning your name and jacking off in the shower.

Honestly he just stays frozen like that staring at you wide eyed and he most definitely was about to cum just before you swung the door open so his cock is twitching

He apologizes profusely but you shake your head and start ridding yourself of your clothes too because you’re just as horny as he is now

I mean who wouldn’t be lol

“How about I give you the real thing right now, Iruka?”

[watchmegetobsessed]

I only need you - Shawn Mendes

okay warning, it is extremely SMUTTY, some bossy, dominant shawn for yall, hope you’ll like it! also, listen to this song while reading, i kept it on repeat while writing ahh so good! (its lost in fire by the weeknd, for some reason the video is not showing in the app, just on pc smh im bad at html editing) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGDGdRIxvd0

If it wasn’t for the huge space and no neighbors anywhere near, the two of them would already be in big trouble for the fight they’ve been putting on. Not holding back the screams, the cussing and the swearing they keep throwing everything at us, verbally.

“I can’t fucking do anything about it!” Shawn barks over the whole place, standing next to the black sofa. Y/N’s answer screams back immediately.

“You just refuse to do anything! Admit it, you enjoy having all those women all over you all the time!”

Her chest hurts from all the screaming she’s been doing, this fight has been going on for an hour, ever since they set their feet into the condo. It’s the same old thing, only that so much piled up lately, so many unsaid things and hidden feelings that both of them are blowing up from all the emotions pouring out of them.

“I can’t be rude, you know that! I have a reputation, I can’t act like a dick just because my girlfriend is jealous!”

Shawn’s fingers comb through his hair, his locks are starting to get wet because the heat of the argument is affecting him physically as well. He is sweating, his muscles keep flexing and loosening up as he is trying his best to control himself, but he is very close to lose his patience.

“I don’t fucking care about your reputation! Saying no is not rude! It’s like you don’t even want to care about the fact that we are in a relationship!”

Tears are dwelling up in her eyes, stinging them hard and she turns away so he can’t see how bad it’s affecting her at this point. Shawn throws his hands into the air in disbelief.

“I’m not caring?! So everything I’ve done means nothing just because I let a woman touch my arm?!”

“It wasn’t just a touch!” She screams at him turning around, not caring about being seen while crying. She rushes over to him, closing the distance between them and she pushes on his chest. It’s not powerful enough to actually do anything to him, but she just needs to get out all the anger that’s boiling in her veins. “She was basically fucking you right there! I saw with my fucking eyes, Shawn! She pushed her ass to your crotch and it took you moments to push her away! Don’t try to make a fool out of me!”

Her hands keep slamming against his hard chest, her cheeks are reddening from all the straining she is putting into her actions. Shawn is trying to get a hold on her wrists, but she just keeps fighting, but soon her anger turns into desperate sobs and lunatic hits on her shocked boyfriend. He has never seen her like this, so lost and outraged, all the shine is gone from her eyes, endless sadness took over her entire body making her appear as a whole new person and this is worrying him. Did he really go too far? He should have realized how bad he was hurting her.

“Babe, stop it!” he growl finally getting a hold on her hands, but she makes another attempt to free them. Unfortunately her energy is long gone, she can’t hold herself together anymore.

“I hate when you do this to me! I hate it!” she sobs uncontrollably, guttural noises roll out of her throat as he wraps his arms around her body pulling her against his chest.

She tries to fight him one more time, but the attempt is pathetic, she gives up and buries her face into his shirt. “Do you not love me anymore?” she questions, her mouth pressed against his chest so the words come out muffled, but he understands them clearly. “Am I… Am I not pretty enough for you anymore?”

Shawn pushes her away just so he can see her tear-soaked face. The emotions on her face are turning so fast, he is losing track of them.

A moment ago she was feeling like the most worthless person on Earth, but right now, it’s all gone. She is getting angry again. He will not play her that dirty, she is the one in charge and she definitely won’t let her man even think about another woman in the way only she can.

“Babe, I-“ he starts but she cuts him off shaking her head.

“Do you think you are the only one with other choices? Do you think I wouldn’t find someone else in a blink of an eye?”

Her words hit a painful spot. His hands curl up into fists as he is staring at her taking a few steps backwards. He definitely doesn’t want the thought of the woman he is in love with have another man on her.

“Stop,” he pleads, but his words have no use now.

“Do you think I wouldn’t be able to find a dick with just a text? Because just like that whore rubbed herself on you, I can rub myself on a guy whenever I want.”

“Y/N, stop it!” he growls in a more aggressive way, but she hasn’t had enough just yet. She wants to make him feel the same way she did.

“I would have a man boning me in no time, I would be screaming his name, not yours, he would pleasure me like you can’t and-“

This time she doesn’t have the chance to finish. Shawn closes the distance between them, his large hands grab on her forearms probably stronger than they should, but the pain feels like nothing to her now.

“Shut the fuck up!” he barks demandingly and then the bubble pops.

His lips crash to hers and captures them in a bruising kiss. Instead of fighting him off, she immediately returns the passionate kiss. Grabbing onto his broad shoulders she jumps into his arms, his hands slide under his ass holding her up as her legs wrap around his waist tightly.

Taking a few steps her back hits the wall and a moan escapes her already swollen lips as his crotch presses against her heated center. Fingers digging into her ass his mouth travels down her throat, leaving open-mouthed kisses and even quite a few hickeys to mark his territory.

“No one can fucking touch you like me,” he growls in an animal-like tone as he takes her to the next spot. He lays her down on the kitchen counter and she wastes no time to start undressing him. Her tiny fingers are working fast, but not fast enough. His large ones replace them ripping the shirt open, making all the buttons to fly in a million directions. Her hands cup his naked chest as he tugs the shirt off of his arms and throws it away before getting back to her plump lips. His teeth sink into her flesh, tugging on her bottom lip as his hands work on her shirt. He goes slightly lighter on hers, but it still end up on the floor abandoned.

She leans back on her arms, pushing her chest upwards so he can have a great view of her breasts in the light pink lacy bra. His hands cup them immediately, leaning down he leaves a hickey on each of them, sucking and biting down on her soft skin, making her moan in pleasure again and again.

“Oh fuck!” She gasps when he pushes his waist closer and she can feel how hard he is already.

Shawn unclasps the bra and soon throws it away leaving her chest completely bare to his greedy eyes. He starts sucking on her right nipple while his fingers work on the left one, giving both of them enough attention. Y/N is shivering under his touch, she is growing hotter and hotter with each passing moment, but she wouldn’t stop for anything.

Her hands fumble with his belt and as soon as it clicks she unzips his pants and pushes them down along with his bowers as well. He finishes up the work getting rid of them in no time, leaving him in all of his naked glory, his dick erecting towards her proudly, and she eyes it as if it was a five course meal.

“Lift your hips up,” he orders in a harsh tone and a chill runs down on her spine at the bossy attitude, but she obeys anyway. Her black pants soon disappear along with her matching lacy thong that was already starting to soak.

His lower half slams against hers, his dick sliding right between her wet folds as she wraps her legs around his waist. His hands are roaming her body, touching and digging his fingers into everywhere as his lips return to her breasts. When his hot tongue touches her left nipple her whole body shivers immediately, making her head roll back.

“No one will ever make you feel this good,” he growls against her hot skin as his lips start traveling down on her stomach. Her fingers tangle in his locks, getting a handful of his hair as his mouth reaches her clit finally.

His fingers part her wet folds as his tongue laps against her heated clit, making her moan uncontrollably.

“Oh fuck, Shawn!”

Without mercy, he slides two fingers into her, never stopping playing with her clit and it makes her scream in pleasure. She reaches down wanting to add to the sensation but he immediately grabs onto her hands stopping everything he has been doing.

“No fucking touching!” he demands forcing her to look into his eyes. His hazel irises have turned into the darkest brown.

She nods weakly, then he guides her hands to her knees.

“Hold your legs up for me,” he tells her and she obeys without a word. She has never seen him like this, full of orders and so dominant, but she is definitely enjoying this new side of him.

His two fingers return and his tongue delves inside as well, throwing her completely off the hoop. She whimpers and moves around as he starts pumping his fingers in and out, reaching that one bundle of nerve inside of her again and again.

“Fuck!” she moans leaning and then finally lying down on the kitchen island. She is starting to get close to her orgasm, she is begging for release, but before she could let go he abruptly stops, making her crave more immediately.

“Now get on your knees, babygirl,” he orders and lifting her head up she can see him standing between her legs, one hand wrapped around his massive cock as he is pumping himself lazily, looking down at her exposed body with hungry eyes.

She doesn’t question him, putting her legs down she hops off the counter kneeling down in front of him, her face right at his hard dick.

His hand unwraps letting her small ones replace it. She has never wanted to have a dick in her mouth this bad in her entire life, but right now, she feels like if she doesn’t suck him she might die right here, right now.

Her hands hug his base as she licks the head, teasing him a bit. Her tongue is playing with it, her lips only barely touching him.

“Fuck,” he growls and looking up at him she sees him stare down at her with endless lust in his eyes. This alone sends chills down her spine and bobbing her head down she takes in as much of him as possible, then coming back she releases him with a pop earning a pleasure filled moan from him.

She repeats it, her hands moving up and down at the base in sync with her lips, slowly picking up the pace. A few times she flinches her eyes as she tries to take him fully in, his dick reaching the back of her throat making her gag.

Staring down at her he thinks this is one of the most beautiful sights he has ever seen in his entire life. The woman he loves with her lips wrapped around his cock, sucking him so passionately as if she was born to do this.

When he feels like he is close to coming he pulls her face away from him not wanting to finish in her mouth. He helps her up kissing him hard as he lifts her up into his arms and walks to the sofa with her.

Laying her down he gets on top of her, his dick pressed against her throbbing center. His lips continue kissing her as he starts moving his lips making his cock slide between her soaking wet folds, his head thrusting against her clit from time to time, making her moan into his mouth.

“Shawn, please!” she begs desperately.

“Please what?” He gets a hold of his shaft positioning himself right to her entrance, but he doesn’t move.

“Please, I need you.”

“You need me to do what?” he teases, clearly satisfied with how much affection he has over her.

“Please fuck me!” she growl irritated. The fire in her body is eating her up alive, she needs to have him inside her immediately.

“Do you still want another dick to bone you?” he asks bitterly, referring to her previous words.

“Fuck no, I only need you!” Her arms wrap around his neck pulling him down for an open-mouthed kiss.

“Good answer,” he exhales before finally sliding inside her, filling her up entirely.

Lust washes over both of them as he sets the pace, sliding in and out of her making her gasp for air every time he dives deep into her. The slapping noise of their skin meeting every time fills the place along with their needy gasps and moans.

“Harder!” she begs at one point and he picks his pace up immediately, wanting nothing else than to pleasure her the best he can.

Their skin is covered in sweat making them appear shiny in the dim lighting, but neither of them cares about it. Soon Y/N pushes him back into a sitting position and throwing a leg over his waist she sits on his lap, guiding his hard cock inside her once again.

“Yes, ride me baby!” he growls satisfied as she starts moving her hips in a rapid pace eager to finally have her release.

She arches her back and his lips find her reddened lips once again, playing with them freely. His fingers dig into her butt helping her out with the movements.

“Oh fuck, I’m gonna cum!” she screams as her movements start to get uneven and she flinches her eyes.

“Yes, come for me baby. Come onto my dick,” he encourages her as he feels himself getting closer too. He is staring at her, unable to soak everything he is feeling and seeing in fully, but he knows he wants to remember this forever.

“Shawn! I’m coming! I’m coming!” she screams and her movements suddenly stops, but he quickly flips them over and takes over control, slamming into her forcefully, making her orgasm even harder. She screams his name over and over again and it throws him over the edge as well, he releases himself with a few growls as he bites down her collarbone.

Unable to hold himself up anymore he collapses on top of her, the weight of his body feeling nice for her as he is still inside her. They are both breathing heavily, the bodies are slippery from the thin layer of sweat, but they’ve never felt more ecstatic ever.

After a few minutes of silence he lifts his head up looking at her.

“Are you okay? I didn’t go too hard, did I?” he asks as he holds himself up again, lying down next to her this time.

“Are you kidding me?” she chuckles still panting a bit. “That was… incredible!”

He laughs closing his eyes before brushing his hair out of his forehead and turning back to her.

“I’m sorry, I was an asshole.”

She looks at him, already knowing she has forgiven to him.

“It’s okay. Just… try to think about what I feel next time.” Cupping his face in her palms she pulls him close for a soft, lazy kiss. “I’m also sorry for what I said, I was just trying to piss you off.”

“You surely succeeded,” he growls making her chuckle. “Are we good now?”

“Yes, we are,” she nods smiling.

“Good, because I love you too much to lose you over something total bullshit.”

“I love you too,” she sighs as he lays his head to her naked chest snaking his arms around her body.

[louisysl]

i literally slept with a 10/10 last night. like ask anybody this guy was fucking hot

i met him at the festival (same one i met my ex at last year, lmao) and he was hot as fuck there too, but he'd cut his beard short yesterday, and i've got a thing for five o'clock shadows.. who doesn't?

also while personally i like guys with more of a dad bod (but enough muscle to be able to hold you up n shit) because of cuddles and idk, looks great to me, i can really appreciate guys with six packs and smooth skin. seriously his skin may have been softer than mine

also he's the first guy i've slept with since the breakup so everything was amplified by the fact it had been two weeks since i'd last had sex

i just? what does a literal model want from a girl like me, i don't know. he told me im skinny but have curves in all the right places which is something i'll probably always struggle to take completely as a compliment since it makes me think im fat even though i know they like it that way; that most guys prefer it like that. but i'd love to just be skinny yknow. jus tell me im tiny n i'm yours

i wasn't even supposed to sleep with him. i was just gonna go there, hangout for a bit and then go to the festival to see my friends but.. well. he kept staring at me instead of the movie and while it made me feel self-conscious it also made me feel really wanted which really does it for me

i can't have safety or feelings, my two biggest turn-ons, in casual sex, so feeling wanted (and being dominated, let's be honest) is really important to me. and he complimented me too, not in dumb ways that make it obvious somebody just wants to sleep with you, but in just the right ways and it was driving me a bit insane, him touching me all over and staring at me

and he was fucking hot. like. yea to me my ex is hotter because well, yknow, feelings, his personality, plus?? he's hot as fuck anyone would agree.. but this guy was like. LA hot

girl i don't even know. ive really been craving to be seen as human and not as an object to be used during sex which is why i haven't been sleeping with guys on the first date since the breakup but.. he didn't treat me that way and i mean. two weeks is kinda too long innit

thing is though, i really wanna have sex with girls. like really want to. it's just, i have no one to go to gay clubs with and i no longer look as gay as i used to and i don't hang out with gay people, nor do many girls on tinder look for casual sex, so it's pretty challenging. but guys just never really do it for me like girls do

like i can just look at a girl and get really turned on. just fucking looking at her?? uh. sure that can happen with guys too but it's not like i see a guy stretch or see their tummy and my pants are wet.. girls though. it can be a fucking smile or a look in their eyes or the way they do their hair or how their hands move or that gap between their thighs man it.. it really can be anything

ah also just yesterday i matched with an old hook-up on tinder who ive been wanting to message but just haven't dared to.. and well. he's dom as fuck, loves it when i call him master, has an insane body and just something about him. he literally said "are you still my fuckdoll?" and i meeeelted what the fuck (omg also he makes these adorable purring/growling sounds that for whatever reason rly have me goin)

i never have guys over at my apartment cause it's just so much better to go to theirs; you can leave whenever, leave no trace behind, u get a glimpse of their life, they don't have to know your address plus.. something about my apartment just feels too intimate to invite a hook-up over. obviously my ex has been here and stuff but that's different

this guy though still lives with his parents, i think, so im considering actually inviting him over?? which would be fucking weird and next level for me but i also wanna do things that make me uncomfortable

oh man. i've been telling myself im not gonna have fwb deals but this guy from last night, i mean... he look good he fuck good he goooooddd why not plus i rly likes this apartment lol

[uglysuburbia]

s.a.d.

Seasonal affective depression will be the death of me The literal death I got to move from here So there's more of a reason that my friends don't talk to me Like hey you moved , people lose touch, that's life, sorry Instead of them just not giving a shit I'm sorry That y'all think it's my manic episode But y'all are perfect right? Not really Noooooooo lmao Are you kidding And again , I don't want to make everything about money But how the FUCK is it That you guys have never taken me anywhere without asking for gas money How I can count on two hands Since we were 16 That you guys paid for one of my meals or for my drinks What is this And then me always tucking $5 in between your car so you'll have gas money And how I've listened to my flaws Aka talking too much And needing too much attention And I quickly realized all cant handle them So I make productive decisions to grow To stall my flaws But I'm bipolar LAUGHING MY FUCKING ASS OFF But you guys are so perfect Mad at the world together Moping in yalls beds together Judging the world together "We are so much hotter than everybody else" together Kat you're doing just as shitty as us So don't give us lectures Kat you just need to lose weight So we can all be pale and skinny and cry into our beers every other fucking night Listen.. I watched my mom get slammed against the fucking wall with a refrigerator and held in a chokehold and beat repeatedly with a pan I act like I laugh about it I was 9 years old I watched her drunk AT FUCKING DISNEY WORLD scare the fuck out of my grandma Have you ever seen one of those snuff videos of an old woman getting beat up? It's the same thing. I was 11 I cried and wanted to come home but I guess my dad didn't want to waste money on a plane ticket bc fuck no I did not want to be at Disney world where they just carted off my mom to prison Oh yeah sure I laugh about it She wrote to me in prison saying she needed me and my sister to stay alive She gets out Back to the same old shit Meth heroin pills lol kind of boring now bc it's all we hear about in the news I spend the summer with her and have to experience her withdrawals Didn't know what they were She just scared me And then how selfish I was going on with my life freshman year And then I can't get hold of her at all And I didn't care Because I didn't know And then she fucking dies Y'all have heard this story and still think I'm just the luckiest girl in the world bc my dad loves me and helps out After my mom dies I get back with the worst human in the world The boy I lost my virginity to a year prior This boy cheated on me a few weeks after my mom died Gets me pregnant Cheats on me more Like I'm 14 And all I'm thinking now is Wow the girls getting their clitorises burned off in the Muslim region of Africa would kill for this life And why am I acting so entitled Nothing is fair Rest assured this shit goes through my mind when I'm whining about my shitty white first world life But back to my story The rest of high school is fine after we stop dating and he moves I mean getting bullied sucked But lmao you said I was the Bitch in high school Honestly I'm sorry to everyone I ever hurt And anyone I continue to hurt With my careless choice of words I can't tell if I believe in karma I want so hard to be edgy and say I'm atheist And that's how I was for so long Atheist Agnostic is such a pussy word Some *philosopher* you know, the kid you work with that knows so much about life, he told me that, essentially, everybody is agnostic Okay loser There I go again being rude Anyways I don't know if I believe in karma, but I used to believe in "pre-karma" but lmao Na Shit just happens And if you put yourself in a RISKY SITUATION That is your own fucking fault Get over it Like I let my ex drive my car after I cheated on him Lmao duh Doesn't excuse what I did But duh Yeah he stole it and pawned 2 laptops, 2 phones, 1 tablet I still bailed him out of jail I still did a lot And tbh HE DID NOT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME CHEATING ON HIM HE WAS USING ME THE WHOLE TIME lmao you two love to bring that up Oh yeah kat everyone saw it but you That wasn't even a real relationship Lol thank you guys So much I'm going to start writing down the toxic shit y'all say to me tbh I mean BUT IM BIPOLAR RIGHT NOTHING I SAY MATTERS ILL GET OVER IT ps YALL ARE PERFECT drug addict + alcoholic forever and ever I'm only like this cause of my dad right I love stream of thought It was cute when bukowski did it and he could write everything lowercase bc no spell checkers bukowskiiiii only famous because he was alive before the internet because now we have memes that make you feel uninteresting everybody does their own thing but really it's each other's thing there are no original concepts left in this world Anyways back to my privileged complaining I'm trying to think where I went wrong If I was in the wrong I really do try to look from an outside perspective Like What I did with my mom It's not like I did much I was 14 I was so weird about life and Mac was the worst person and idk for some reason I was more concerned with him And then idk It was Fucking high school I don't blame myself I just know I was selfish And I keep asking myself If everyone else is selfish? Towards me? Does that excuse my behavior ? Do I need to fix my moral code? Like there she was Running off with stupid fucking jimmy and I'm just like why why why????? Because he didn't love her Just like that horrible human being that got me pregnant never loved me And for real Whenever I found out Just a few months ago Everything he did Do you realize how mad I am? my mom is gone because she wasted her time with that fucking piece of shit And he's still alive After beating the shit out of her He's not in prison Who the fuck even I'm so tired I can talk about other things Like interviewers who attempt to explain to you in the interview why they probably won't hire you keeping you there for 30 minutes To talk and waste your time but I'm a nice person really so I don't say anything But idk that's literally why I'm upset right now maybe maybe that's the root of it all or maybe my friends just all want to hang out without me and it's totally fine I have to get past those first months of loneliness but I'm definitely doing my own thing Or who's own thing my eyes hurt from this blue light but I want to keep talking Maybe people follow me on here Haven't checked in a while But anyways I'm blocking everyone Because why are certain people this certain way have fun good riddance Cause when everyone says For good or for bad What happened to kat ?? Considering I'm blocking all of you You guys won't know Ever Stream of thought End of whatever this was Anger and sadness and insecurities in text