#and it means a lot of the things i think are part of the experience of living are cut out and ignored and treated as unwanted

[anna-no-emma]

If you were born into a time were there are wrong words and right words (like gender terminology) to use to signal your politics, like gen Z has been, I think it creates a certain mentality. Like you grow up watching people get shunned (cancelled) from the only third space that's available to you and your peers for using the wrong words...that's going to create some anxiety about using the right words, right? Like if you get it wrong, your community (possibly the only one that's available to you due to the destruction of physical communities and third spaces) will stop engaging with you (at least in a positive manner). And maybe anxiety is too strong a word but the experience is certainly going to cement the importance of what words are socially acceptable and what words aren't, the idea that certain words are acceptable and others aren't.

Now take into account that current undergrad students have probably been on TikTok since they were 11? 12? The people on TikTok are using certain words, certain euphemisms, and they do too. They've spent hours a day on that app, listening to people talk, it's completely understandable to pick up those speech patterns. They also might have spent hours using the app to talk to audiences and had to modify their language to do that. And then the people around them in real life use those censored words or phrases too (maybe it's just to show their peers they're in the loop with a trend, maybe it's to be funny, or maybe, unfortunately, it's just that the first time they heard of that concept it was in a TikTok video with a funky little censored euphamism was being used - maybe they were eleven and the first time they heard anyone properly speak about sex or rape it was as smex or grape on TikTok and that's just how it cemented into their brain, especially because their peers then use those censored euphemisms in real life too. And if they come from a conservative or information poor background it's gonna be a while until they're exposed to the proper terminology). A lot of these now-undergrads grew up only engaging, at least in a meaningful way, to people their own age (due to the destruction of communities and third spaces, as well as the pedophile scare). Older people, at least that the undergrads wanted to connect with as teenagers, who use the real terms are going to be a rarity. Motivation to actually use, for example, sex as opposed to smex is going to be low.

So, maybe if you grew up with this mentality around certain words being socially acceptable and then everyone around you (everybody you crave validation from) is using the TikTok censored version of words...the TikTok words become the socially acceptable terms, at least to you. You can kind of see how one might get to college and be using this 1984-esque language without understanding you are censoring yourself. When you and your peers talked about the issues before college, you all used, for example, the word smex. So why wouldn't you use it now in a lecture hall filled with your peers?

And maybe you feel like the proper term isn't acceptable, especially when addressing someone older (or someone in a position of power), because it feels rude. You haven't had a chance to desensitize the real term. Like I spent ages 15-18 almost constantly saying sex to my friends meaning it wasn't so taboo when I got to college. It was just another word. But if you haven't used the real word that much and your talking to someone older, especially when you don't have much experience talking openly to someone older, you might shy away from the real word and use the term you're used to or that feels more socially acceptable.

I think the language politics anxiety gen Z grew up with (combined with the destruction of communities and third spaces, and TikTok taking the place of these things pushing TikTok to a play a very central part in Gen Z's lives from a very young age) has made them more susceptible to language censorship.

And it's a fucking problem. And having the poor teaching academics pushing the kids to use the real words isn't a real, systematic solution. I don't know how to fix this (not without a lot of money going into education and legislation, anyway).

we have GOT to kill tiktok/twitter self-censorship i just witnessed a grown adult say the word “smex” out loud to our professor

[catchastarorten]

Heyyyy!!! I just wanted to day i love Ur writing and if you dont wanna do this then you can just ignore! Could you possibly write headcanons of kang dae ho with a reader who has avoidant attachment? Because i recently broke up with a guy who i rlly wanted to be in a relationship because of my avoidant attachment and now he has a new girlfriend and i just feel like shit

Hey lovely, I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through right now, and I hope you’re feeling better. Take care of yourself, you deserve so, so much <33

I don’t usually do headcanons, but here’s one for you, I hope you like it — sending lots of love <3

—How he loves you

Pairing: Kang Dae-ho x reader

Content: reader has avoidant attachment, comfort, soft, understanding, Dae-ho is a sweetheart, no games au

• Dae-ho never rushes you. He understands that trust isn’t something you give easily, and that’s okay. He’s in no hurry. He doesn't mind waiting for you to open up. He's like a calm, unbothered cat sitting on your porch—he knows the door will crack a little bit if he waits long enough.

• When you pull away after a vulnerable moment, he doesn’t get upset or demand answers. Instead, he gives you the space you need, quietly waiting until you’re ready to let him back in.

• He's unshakable. Seriously. He never takes it personally when you hesitate or retreat. Instead, he sees it as part of who you are—and he loves all of you, even the parts you can’t share or is still learning to share.

• He has a way of showing he cares without making it feel overwhelming. A simple message like how he’s thinking of you is his way of reminding you that he’s there, without pressuring you to respond. He always waits until you're ready to find him.

• Instead of big, romantic gestures, he's all about the small things—a peaceful walk, sitting on the couch in comfortable silence, or sharing a meal where neither of you feels the need to fill the quiet. He's not here to stress you out.

• He admires your independence. He doesn’t see your need for space as a problem to solve—it’s something he respects and works with, knowing that love doesn’t mean smothering you.

• When you finally open up to him, he listens with his whole heart. He doesn’t try to "fix" anything or tell you what you should do. He just listens, making you feel heard.

• He shares pieces of his own struggles—not to compare but to let you know he understands what it’s like to carry heavy things alone. Like that time he pretended to be confident in the Marines but secretly sucked at running drills. He wants his own experiences to make you feel less alone, like you’ve found someone who really gets it.

• He never sees your distance as rejection. He knows it’s your way of protecting yourself, and instead of reacting negatively, he just stays steady, showing you he’s not going anywhere.

• Dae-ho doesn’t overwhelm you with affection. Instead, he shows his love in small, tender ways. Maybe it’s brushing his hand against yours, or draping his jacket over your shoulders when he notices you’re cold.

• He makes you laugh when you least expect it—turning heavy moments into something lighter without diminishing their importance. His sense of humor has a way of melting your walls without you even realizing it.

• When you shut down or pull away, he doesn’t press you to talk. Instead, he gently says, “Take your time. I’m here when you’re ready,” and you know he means it.

• He notices the small moments when you start to trust him—like when you lean your head against his shoulder or let him hold your hand for a second longer. He never makes a big deal out of it, but the soft smile on his face tells you how much it means to him.

• Every step you take, no matter how small, is something he treasures. If you share even a tiny piece of yourself, he makes sure you know how much he values it.

• He doesn’t expect you to change who you are. He loves you exactly as you are—doesn’t matter the hesitations, fears, and all. You are you, and he loves you for being yourself.

• Dae-ho isn’t the type to give up when things get hard. Your struggles with trust don’t scare him away, they make him want to be there for you even more.

• His love is steady and calming, like a warm cup of tea you didn't ask for but secretly needed. With him, love doesn’t feel like pressure or fear—it feels safe, soft, and freeing.

• Over time, you may realize you don’t have to carry everything on your own anymore. When you finally lean on him, you see that he’s always there to hold you, without hesitation or doubt.

• With Dae-ho, love isn’t something you have to fight for or fear. It’s patient, gentle, and warm—like being wrapped in a soft blanket after a long day.

[screwitbaby]

naive

hamzahthefantastic x reader (fic)

day 5/7

summary: part 5 of the naive series baby!! you and mandy get some one on one time bc she’s going thru it until she sends you and hamzah off on an adventure of ur own ;)

contains: SFW and NSFW content… it’s going down.

w/c: 3.4k-ish

a/n: ik yall hate me atp but listen. listen. uhhh.. yk what just read it!

~

Hotel breakfast is really good. It's even better when you can be an annoying vacationer and sit in the dining hall to eat while wearing your pajamas. The dirty looks from the well-dressed staff does nothing to deter you from going to town on a plate of scrambled eggs and toast with assorted spreads. The one thing that is ruining your appetite, however, is your gloomy friend prodding her food with her fork.

"Are you sure you're okay?" you ask for what feels like the hundredth time that morning.

"Mhm."

Mandy continues moving her eggs around her plate and never taking a bite. She's been in a near catatonic state since last night. By the time you'd taken a shower and gotten unready, she'd already passed out in your bed without so much as an explanation as to what happened. You exhale loudly and she looks up.

"You know you can talk to me about anything, right?"

She drops her fork. "I think Martin is hiding something from me."

"Oh!" Your eyes widen and you try to look confused. "What makes you think that?"

"He's been acting so weird," she says, resting her elbows on the table and holding her head in her hands. "Even before we came on this trip... I don't know. Something's off."

"What d'you mean?"

"He's being so secretive," she says. "I don't have proof of anything, but he's, like, really bad at acting innocent."

"Is that why you guys have been fighting?"

"Well, I don't exactly want to fight with him!" She tosses her hands in the air. "I wish he'd come out and say whatever it is. It drives me crazy that he acts like nothing is going on."

In that moment, you consider blurting out the truth. Talking about Martin's proposal idea would be so much easier than sitting back and watching the couple get into trivial arguments from Mandy's growing paranoia. But alas, you've sworn to secrecy and you really don't think it would be your place to ruin the surprise, even at a time like this.

"Have you asked him about it?"

"Yeah. He just deflects. I thought I could get him to talk last night, but I ended up crying because I got so frustrated with his cryptic bullshit."

You're stuck on what to say. It breaks your heart to see Mandy like this, but there's not much you can do without giving away her soon-to-be fiancé's plan. It's not exactly a conversation you thought you'd be having to mediate.

"If it makes you feel any better, I don't think Martin is doing all of this to deliberately hurt you," you say, reaching across the table to hold her arm. "He loves you. A lot. He's just an idiot sometimes."

Mandy smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes. "Thank you."

"I mean it, Mandy. What you guys have is really good. Don't let a bump in the road ruin the rest of the journey."

"When did you become such a beacon of wisdom?" she asks sarcastically, looking down at the table.

"I'm trying my best here. Be grateful." You begin to laugh and she joins in.

You bring your plate back in front of you and gesture for her to do the same. The two of you chow down and talk between bites, discussing what other places you could visit before your inevitable departure from Curaçao. Despite the challenges, it's been an experience for the books and you take a moment to reflect on the joy that it's brought you.

As you take a sip of your tea, your phone buzzes in your pocket. When you unlock it, you open up the message notification and bite your lip to hide your smile.

i see u

"Is that Hamzah?"

You look up at Mandy and your face flushes. "Huh?"

"You remind me of when I first started talking to Martin." Mandy points at you with her knife.

"Shut up," you groan. "Is it really that obvious?"

"Yeah." Mandy nods. "Plus I saw his name on your screen."

You glare at her and she giggles at your expense. Over her shoulder, you spot him. He's in the buffet line, also in his pajamas, and you stare for a little too long at his grey sweatpants. When he turns his head in your direction, you duck behind Mandy's figure.

"He's coming." You use your phone camera to quickly assess your face. "I look rough. Fuck."

"Girl, you look fine," Mandy says, rolling her eyes, "and you've literally slept next to each other. It's nothing he hasn't seen before."

"Wow, uplifting. Thanks."

When you dare to raise your head again, he's making his final few strides towards your table. You smile and wave, and he attempts to do the same. He shakes his hand that's holding a cup of coffee and it sloshes around, nearly spilling all over him. Mandy gives you a funny look before greeting him.

"Good morning," Hamzah says cheerily.

He places his plate and cup next to yours. You scoot over so he can sit down, but he moves to sit so close to you that the sides of your thighs are pressed up against each other.

"Good morning," you reply, slightly taken aback by his chipper mood. "Sleep well?"

"I slept great," he says. He takes a bite of his eggs with bacon and looks between you and Mandy. "So... was it a breakup?"

You slap him on the arm and scoff. "Come on."

"'M just asking!" he all but shouts, earning the three of you a couple more dirty looks. "Last night looked serious."

"No, we didn't break up," Mandy mutters. "But I'm considering it if it means not having to deal with you anymore."

"That's mean," Hamzah says, taking another bite of his food. "I'd stay friends with you if I broke up with Martin."

"Don't talk while you're chewing," Mandy warns.

"Thorry." He swallows his mouthful. "So what are we supposed to do if you guys are still fighting?"

"I don't know, Hamzah." Mandy sighs. Then she looks at you. "I don't really feel like going out today. Maybe you two could do something."

Your eyes narrow and she shrugs innocently. "Where would we go?"

"Google some nice places. Walk around the city. It can't be that hard."

"I'm down," Hamzah says. "I'm in charge of directions, though."

He smiles mischievously and you mock him, making him laugh. You turn to Mandy, noting the way she's picking at her food again.

"Will you be okay? You can stay in my room, but I don't know what time we'll be back."

"There's free WiFi and room service. I'll be fine. Go have fun."

Mandy was right. Finding something to do in such a tourism-centered area isn't hard. The difficult part is spending time with Hamzah with no social buffer to avert the tension between the two of you. You hope it's not too apparent that you're staring at him every chance you get, but you can't find it in you to care about getting caught anymore.

"Now we go left," he mumbles, placing his hand on your shoulder to direct you to the crosswalk.

You know he tends to be touchy with his friends, but with how awkward he usually is about it, this feels different. Even when you hung out as a group back in Toronto, you could always sense that Hamzah was a little more hesitant around you. You chocked it up to not knowing him that well, despite having mutuals. Being close with each others' friends did provide an entry point for your friendship to blossom, but this trip has done more for your connection than all the time you've known him previously. Maybe it's because you're in such constant, close proximity now that your initial attraction to him has finally taken shape, unavoidably so.

"Alright, it's down from here," Hamzah says, gesturing at the beach you're nearing.

"I didn't bring a swimsuit," you say, furrowing your brows.

"We're not swimming." He shakes his head. "Over there."

You look to where he's pointing and take notice of the mountainous landscape surrounding the beach. Their overarching coves reach the edges of the shore where the waves splash against the rocks.

"I'm not cliff diving. No way."

You stop in place and cross your arms. He turns and walks a few steps back to you.

"We're not doing that either, my gosh," he grumbles playfully and takes hold of your hand, "follow me."

Hamzah leads you through the sand to the bottom of the ridges. This beach isn't nearly as busy as the one near your hotel, so the silent walk with your palm in his feels all the more intimate. The sun is less harsh under the arch, but the sand is still warm beneath your feet. The soft earth easily gives way as you take a seat in the deeper parts of the rocky expanse.

"How'd you know this was here?" you wonder.

"I found it before the trip," he says, stretching his legs out in front of him until the waves are barely licking at his skin. "I didn't think I'd get the chance to visit, though."

"Guess it's a good thing for the fight then," you joke. Hamzah looks at you with his face scrunched up and you share a laugh. "Sorry. Too soon."

You stare out at the horizon, absentmindedly cupping the sand and letting it pour down between your fingers. The waves are crashing, but there's a quiet serenity inside of the cove that makes you feel at peace.

"Nah, I just think we talk about them enough, right?" He leans back to rest his weight on his palms and your eyes flicker to the sight of his shirt stretching across his pecs. "Wanna talk about us."

"Right," you agree. "I never really expected this."

"What?" he asks. You become aware of how close his body is to yours.

"'Us.'" You make quotes in the air with your fingers. "I didn't even think you saw me that way."

"Really?" he questions, tilting his head. "I thought the same thing."

"Hm. Funny."

You move to lay on your back. You'd decided against changing out of your pajamas—the two of you look infinitely more out of place in such beautiful scenery—but it makes for great cushioning against the ground. Hamzah stays unmoving, looking straight ahead.

"Do you see us being the same way? When we go back home?" He speaks outwardly, eyes on the view.

"I don't know. Do you?"

"You answer first," he says, smiling at you from over his shoulder.

You roll your eyes and try to push yourself further into the sand, as if it'll provide a protective barrier between him and the words you're going to say next.

"I hope so," you answer honestly. "I don't see why it’d change."

"What if it doesn't feel the same?" he asks like he's talking to the sky. "What if it's just because we're here, y'know? Isn't it usually a 'what happens in Vegas' thing?"

"Oh, so you've done this before?"

Hamzah groans and you snicker, flicking sand into his pocket. He doesn't notice so you continue until it's full, giggling to yourself.

"Of course not," he says, shaking his head. Some of the sand trickles out. "I guess what I'm saying is...I hope you don't feel that way."

You take a deep breath to calm the butterflies that erupt in your belly and sit up. You look at the impression your body has left in the sand before turning to completely face him, criss-crossing your legs.

"I won't," you promise. "I couldn't."

"Good." Hamzah's eyes finally meet yours. "I don't think I'd be able to handle it."

You grin and let your fingers trail up the side of his neck, not wanting to hold your affection back any longer. He closes his eyes as you trace his cheek, the charming acne scars and slight stubble on his jaw acting as a roadmap for your fingertips. Then, you cup his chin and lean in. His lips move softly against yours. He places his hands on your thighs and runs his fingers across your bare skin where your shorts have ridden up. It's almost like the whole world goes on mute, and all you can possibly focus on is the way his touch awakens every cell in your body.

Without breaking the kiss, Hamzah pushes you down into the indented sand until he can comfortably slot himself in the middle of your legs. He holds himself up with a hand by your head, the other resting on your waist. The gentle caresses turn heated, and pretty soon the two of you are full-on making out, pulling each other closer and closer until his body fully surrounds yours. You love how he hums when you wrap your arms tighter around his neck and run your nails across his shoulders.

You can't get enough of him, holding his hips in place with your knees as your tongues entwine. When his hand strays below your hoodie, you pull away momentarily to slip it over your head. He helps tug it off you when it gets stuck, the two of you giggling quietly before tossing it away and locking lips again. His fingers trace a path up your torso, clad in nothing but a thin tank top. His palms slowly find their way higher up, and you moan when he gives your chest a testing squeeze. Upon hearing this, he squeezes again before running his thumb across your nipple, making you shiver.

His hoodie comes off soon thereafter, except he's completely bare underneath. You run your hands down his chest and his stomach clenches under the ghost of your touch. When you reach the edge of his boxers, he breaks apart to leave kisses from your cheek down to your neck.

"I-I didn't really prepare for this," Hamzah whispers against you.

"You didn't shave?"

"No, idiot," he scoffs, making both of you giggle giddily. "I, um, didn't bring condoms..."

You breathe out as he continues kissing your skin. "That's fine. We don't have to do anything."

Your fingers are tucked in his waistband against his happy trail, but you make no effort to move them. If it wasn't evident already, his erection presses against you painfully, a reminder of how close yet so far you are from what you're craving. Still, he seems determined to make the most of the moment. He sucks on the spot below your ear, making your mouth drop open in a breathy moan.

In a hasty decision, you take your tank top off and lay back down. Hamzah's eyes follow along your newly exposed skin and he leans down to kiss a trail from your collarbone to the valley between your breasts. His hands leave a wake of heat everywhere he touches you, yet goosebumps rise on your arms when his lips reach your lower stomach.

"Can I?"

He looks up at you, his eyes half-lidded and his hands on your shorts. You nod and raise your hips so he can pull them off. When he sees your underwear, he raises an eyebrow.

"You wear boxers, too?" Hamzah jokes, tugging on your waistband and letting it snap against your skin. You flinch and he laughs.

"They're comfy!" you defend, blushing. "I wasn't exactly planning for this, either."

"I'm kidding. Why would I care?" He leans up on his forearms to peck your lips. "They're coming off, anyway."

He reaches under your final layer of clothing and you gasp when he touches you where you need him most. His lips part as he dips into your wetness, bringing it up to circle your clit deliciously. You grasp his bicep and your other hand holds the back of his head as he continues his delightful assault on your throat.

When you feel his fingers inch into you, your hips jut forward. He whispers praises in your ear as he fucks his fingers into you, first slowly then relentlessly. You can't contain your moans. Your fingers tug at his curls lightly when you feel the knot in your stomach forming. All too suddenly, he pulls his hand out of your underwear and you whine.

"As much as I like 'em, they gotta go," Hamzah says, leaving one final kiss on your jaw before dragging your boxers down your hips.

He flings them aside and you breathe heavily as he descends to your lower body, situating his head between your legs. He plants kisses on the inside of your thigh teasingly, dipping his head down only to start back at the top with the other thigh until he has you squirming under his grip. Just when you think you've reached your limit, he bites at the swell of your thigh and connects his mouth to your core. Your lungs spasm as you feel his tongue flick your clit, struggling to catch your breath at the surreal sensation.

He sucks on your bud and has you a complete mess of moans under him. Loosening his grip from your thigh, he makes eye contact with you as he brings his hand back to your center and his fingers penetrate you steadily. Your back arches and he groans when you clutch at his hair. He suctions his lips, watching every reaction and noise you emit without once coming up for air. It's a dizzying sight, and your head lolls to the side as your moans get louder. He works harder, curling his fingers, toying with you in all the right ways to make you fall apart.

"Just like that," you cry out, "Hamzah, please."

You're panting at this point, yearning for a release that's sure to send you reeling.

"C'mon, baby," he murmurs. "Cum for me."

The quickening of his pace has you clenching around his fingers, and as soon as he speaks those words, you screw your eyes shut and let your climax overtake you. Your jaw slackens and you throw your head back. Your legs shake uncontrollably as you call his name out in broken gasps while you ride out your high. The scent of saltwater and moss fills your nostrils, and all at once your vision clears when he lightly kisses your sensitivity. You sharply inhale and white-knuckle the sand below you. Your other hand wraps around the side of his neck to hoist him back up so you can be face-to-face.

Hamzah's arms cage you in and you pull him down to lock lips. He tastes sweet. Then, he rolls the two of you over so you're sitting in his lap while he lays flat.

"All good?" he asks, holding your cheek.

"Perfect."

You lean in to kiss him again, propping your hands on his chest. Teasingly, you grind your hips against his and he groans.

"Stop," Hamzah grunts. "I don't wanna cum in my pants."

The friction makes you shudder, but feeling how hard he is makes you not want to stop. You laugh and do it again, making him squeeze your hips. He halts your movements and grins, his chest rising and falling rapidly.

"That's it."

Without warning, he sits up and you wrap your legs around him, latching onto him like a koala as he stands straight. The swift switch in positions makes you squeal. His palms cup your ass as he walks out from underneath the cove.

"What're you doing?!" you screech, clutching him as tight as you can.

"I asked nicely and you didn't listen!"

He cackles maniacally as he wades deeper into the water. When you're up to your hips in the waves, he turns backwards and sends the both of you plunging into the ocean. In an instant, you're soaked to your bones and springing up to the surface.

"You bitch!" you nearly scream as he re-emerges beside you. "I'm butt-ass naked!"

"No one's here, don't worry," he says, wrapping his arms around you from behind. "Look. Just us."

Hamzah lifts you in the water and swings you around to show you the entirety of the vacant beach. He's laughing above you while you smack his arms to let you go.

"Okay, I get it! Put me down."

You plummet into the depths once more.

~

a/n: sorry to disappoint w the lateness again this would’ve been updated sooner if california didn’t literally go up in flames around me and half my roof tiles got ripped off my house from the crazy ass wind (another one flew off as i typed this). also my dumbass friend deleted tiktok off his phone and we lost our 231 day streak bc he can’t get it back no matter what we tried. also elon did the hitler salute?????? what is going on. anyways lmk if u enjoyed or want me to rot for eternity <3 love yall sm

[bckwardsfrwards]

could you do dr phosphorus x reader relationship headcanons on a alien reader

Absolutely! Thanks for the ask :D

These are for a GN reader! Headcanons below the cut sorry for the long wait I have a lot of projects I'm working on at the moment!

At first he'd be a bit weary, You being from an entirely different planet and all. But he'd be quick to warm up to you once he realized you weren't a real threat to him. (Not that much is)

He'd crack stupid jokes with you most of which you don't understand. But his genuine attempts to make you laugh slowly start to work. And when you reference something from your homeworld he's equally puzzled. You both laugh anyways putting the cultural difference aside.

He often seeks you out since you more than tolerate his presence. He was so used to being alone or disregarded that he easily latches onto your genuine attention.

You often find yourselves telling stories from your past, some pleasant but most not. You sympathize with the doctor and all he has lost.

"Courting" with Doctor Phosphorus is a little strange to say the least. You're unused to Earth's unspoken societal rules and rituals. So when he is openly being flirtatious you're a little oblivious to it. You can't see his eyes and you don't understand the meaning of prolonged eye contact, so when you finally figure out his intentions of romancing you you're a little embarrassed at your obliviousness.

Actually dating the doctor is an interesting experience for the both of you. You've never been with an earthling and he's never even seen an alien before you. But you quickly catch on to what he likes.

You learn Phosphorus hasn't known a friendly touch in 15 years and without thinking too much you pull him into an embrace. He's a bit shocked when you pull back and you're completely unharmed. Casual touches quickly become one of your favorite things. Tracing the outline of his bones over his translucent skin.

You can see through him both literally and figuratively. He's not as good at hiding his emotions as he thinks. He seeks you out often just for the comfort of your presence. Whether it's sitting together in companionable silence or just holding hands, feeling the heat radiate from him.

You learn that it's not as hard to read Phosphorus as you originally thought. The way the flames on his head grow a little hotter and burn a little brighter when he's upset. How after a particularly draining mission he'll be more needy for your touch than normal.

He has no shame when it comes to your relationship. Often joking openly with the other commandos about it. Holding your hand in the back of the transport car. Trying his damnedest not to let you out of his sight. He's overly cautious and for good reason, he's terrified of losing you.

You can hold your own in a fight but whenever you find yourself injured he's gentle with you. Attentive and overly cautious making sure that your wounds are tended to. He tells you it's because he was an actual doctor once but you can tell it's just an excuse to worry over you.

As snarky and sarcastic as he is, he is also very genuine and caring. He tries to put your needs before his own whenever he can. Deflecting and claiming he doesn't need to be doted on. But you do anyway, you show him the same gentleness and affection that he so clearly craves and he melts into it.

You show him love he hasn't known in this body and he isn't sure how to handle it. He's torn between giving in and staying reserved. But he lets you in, lets himself be vulnerable and cared for.

That's all for now, maybe I'll do a part 2 and include NSFW headcanons :)

[blackswallowtailbutterfly]

I think a lot of this "there were no signs!" has to do with a severe misunderstanding of what a red flag is. A lot of things I see listed as red flags are straight up abuse. A red flag for abuse is not abuse itself, not yet. It's a warning that this person may be dangerous in some way.

Driving you out in the middle of nowhere because he's pissed off is not a red flag; that is abuse. Touching you without your permission is not a red flag; that is harassment at best, assault at worst. Insisting on buying your drink when you've refused is a red flag. He's not harming you, he's not endangering you, and it could be written off--will be by many people, and is certainly normalized in a lot of romance--as he's just really interested. And, hey, maybe that's all it is. But it's a good indication that you should raise your guard because there's a decent chance it means he doesn't respect your boundaries.

Red flags aren't blaring lights that for sure yes unambiguously this person is going to hurt you or is actively hurting you. They are signs to watch out for because they are largely normalized and even romanticized in wider society. Everyone who displays a red flag is not necessarily a dangerous person. But people are not wrong for distancing themselves from those who display them, or for pointing them out before or after the fact.

This doesn't mean "you should have seen the signs!" when someone hurts you. It wasn't your fault. There are millions of circumstances and experiences that allow certain things to fly under the radar. It happens to everyone. But it does mean "there were no signs!" is almost always wrong. Most predators are not sociopathic geniuses. They cannot put up that good of an act.

Men writing about women and girls in sexually objectifying ways is a red flag that in some part of their lives they treat them that way too.

[max1461]

One thing I will say, now that I've had direct experience with my mental meat severely malfunctioning: drugs are broad-spectrum, and personal exercise of... I won't say "virtue", but choice, can be targeted. I'm not saying that drug addicts can just choose not to be addicted or something, I'm not that naive. What I'm saying is: what are the full mental knock-on affects of dampening one's cravings? If opiate addiction is ruining your life this might be the least of your concerns, but if you're conceptualizing these GLP-1 agonists or any putatively similar drugs as some kind of general purpose "self-control booster", this is might be something you want to think about.

I often get a craving-like-feeling to do math, I'll have this moment where I'm like "you know what would be good right now? One of those group theory problems where you have the orders of a bunch subgroups and you have to deduce the order of the group" and then I'll go look for one online or whatever and solve it. This is, in fact, one of my more consistent motivators to do math, and if those cravings were less frequent I would probably know a lot less. A core part of romantic attraction for me is a craving-like-feeling for my partner; not just in a brute sexual sense but in a more abstract one. To have that lessened would be, from my perspective, essentially my capacity for romantic love being dampened along one of its axes. Would I want that?

When I was a kid, I played a lot of video games. Sometimes I'd play for hours a day. And I really cared about the medium; at that point in my life my ambition was to become a video game designer. When I turned about 16, I abruptly lost the immediate-term desire to actually play video games. I still cared about the medium just as much, I still had lots of thoughts on games and game design, but in a moment-to-moment sense actually playing games was no longer something I wanted to do very often. It ceased to be something I desired in a raw hedonistic sense. It was work. I would sit down to play a game because I was interested in it intellectually, but after 20 minutes I'd get burned out and have to stop. This shift probably altered the course of my life in a huge way—it reshaped something fundamentally about who I was and who I was becoming. I still care a lot about games as a medium, and I'm not in any way torn up that I didn't go down the path of trying to become a game designer. But it does disappoint me sometimes that I can't have anything like the relationship to games that I used to, because my brain has decided they aren't "fun" in that purely hedonic sense anymore.

Actually, this was part of a larger shift in my personality that occurred when I was a teenager, in which I became fairly anhedonic in most areas of life, and as a result shifted away from most simplistically pleasurable activities and towards endeavors that provided a more diffuse, harder to quantify form of gratification. Not because I'm virtuous—but because I'm meat, and the simplistic sources of gratification largely stopped working!

What I'm trying to articulate is something like... yeah, you're made of meat, which means in particular: you are made of meat. When you take a drug that alters your meat, there is a sense in which you become somebody else. And this also happens all the time for reasons you don't control. But that doesn't mean it's good or acceptable in the general case. Sometimes, often, it's bad! Or it's good and bad in ways that are hard to tally. The brain is complex, and, like I said, medications are broad-spectrum. They don't differentiate between the neurons that make you crave a burger and the neurons that make you love your wife, they modulate all the neurotransmitters the same. Actually the bodybuilder Mike Israetel specifically says in an interview somewhere that when he's on steroids, he loves his wife less. It's just physiological. And I believe him.

In the past few months I've had to take lamotrigine for seizures. Lamotrigine is also a mood stabilizer. I don't need my mood stabilized, in fact I rather like my usual array of moods. One of the things lamotrigine evidently does is induce a positive bias in processing of faces—response to angry and fearful faces is lessened, while response to happy faces is unaffected. Sounds great, right? But the visceral response to fearful faces is an important component of affective empathy. You don't want to hurt someone, in part it seems, because your brain has a visceral reaction to the real or imagined sight of their face in fear. Scores on the psychopathy checklist correlate with impaired ability to discern fearful faces, but no comparable impaired ability to discern faces displaying positive emotions. If you can't internalize someone else's fear or sadness, you can't empathize. I know that I don't feel like myself on lamotrigine. Now this is not to be taken as at all scientific; I've got a lot of weird brain stuff going on right now and I don't feel like myself anyway. But in any case, lamotrigine is meant to be one of the seizure medications with the fewest cognitive side effects.

You are made of matter, and messing around with the matter that makes you up can change you in unknown and unpredictable ways. Me growing up to become a linguist instead of a game designer, that reflects a really complex and multi-faceted shift in who I am and how I used my time. And it was brought on by all kinds of things, all sorts of personal development over the years, but a load-bearing component was probably the simple down-modulation of an impulse, a loss of simple hedonistic capacity that caused me to search out radically new uses of my time in my teen years. That shift was endogenous, but certainly a drug could have done it. So my point I guess is that no drug is... what word am I looking for, "apolitical"? That's not what I mean. But I'm saying something conceptually similar to what people often mean when they say no technology is apolitical. Except instead of the body politic I'm talking about the body itself, the body and mind. Uh. If you take a drug to "increase your willpower", it might turn out that you become someone you wouldn't have chosen to become, in ways you never even considered. You might be fine with that or you might not. But it's not so simple as taking the person-you-are and turning up a willpower knob, it's never that simple. I think a sort of techno-pessimism towards this notion of a miracle drug is very warranted.

Last week's WITH was about the pursuit of treatments that might do for addiction what GLP-1 agonists do for cravings for food, and the guest had an interesting point about how you can have phenomena with very complex causes (the main examples here being opiate addiction and the general rise in obesity) that do not require you to untangle or address those causes in order to procure solutions. Like, is addiction a disease, a social ill, a product of trauma, a failure of willpower, or all of these things?

It doesn't necessarily matter! It turns out that "craving stuff" is a pretty basic neurological feedback loop and it may be tractable to pharmaceutical intervention. Heck, GLP-1 agonists may be that intervention: people have reported (and clinical trials are being conducted to study) that these drugs, among their many effects, simply blunt cravings, to the point where people have as a side effect of taking them for diabetes or weight loss also found they helped cut down on drinking, or gambling, or using other drugs.

So even if GLP-1 agonists don't have all the miraculous effects reported (there are some reports they may be effective as an Alzheimer's treatment!), it would be crazy if we have discovered a drug that allows us to better marshal our faculties to decide which cravings to give in to, a drug that simply imbues us with self-control. And I think that's really interesting, because it's an outright clash between two ways of seeing the world: a moralistic one in which virtues are the product of individual decisions, and in which taking a drug to achieve some outcome that "ought" to be a product of virtue might be seen as cheating, and one that reminds us that, for better or worse, we are meat, and all our complex behaviors arise as the result of the state of the meat that we are--and from which view, refusing to acknowledge the mutability of your meat in aid of achieving your goals, or even broader social benefit (addiction is really bad and there very few good options to treat it), is simply goofy.

But a lot of people's reaction to the existence of GLP-1 agonists--or for that matter any medical intervention for things which are moralized as willpower problems--includes contempt founded on being wedded to that moralizing framework. I think a lot of moralism develops as a response to conditions of existence being imposed on us that are objectively pretty miserable, and that when we discover the occasional intervention that liberates us from that pretty restrictive framework, our attitude should be one of jubilation: hear, O ye people, that what was long believed to be an implacable trade-off of human existence is no more. But I think a lot of people's reaction is to double down: I had to suffer, or someone I know had to suffer, therefore you ought to suffer as well, or else our suffering has no meaning.

[twopoppies]

Sometimes I feel like parts of this fandom just won’t allow Harry and Louis to grow up. Or they can’t grapple with what that would mean for how they see them and feel about them. It’s like the Harry and Louis of 2011 are preserved in amber in their minds, forever young and moony-eyed over each other, hungry for anything their wild new life was putting in their paths.

I think about this a lot with Harry, in particular, especially lately. The Harry who was 21 in 2015 when the Azoffs were laying the world at his feet for the taking was a very different man, I would imagine, from the one about to turn 31 next week. I don’t think it’s entirely outside the realm of possibility that the past few years have drastically changed his perspective on who he is and what he wants, and that he has perhaps come to a place where he is trying on a new version of himself he’s only recently met. (If you believe in astrological stuff he just came out of his first Return of Saturn, which shakes everything up.)

Frankly, I really hope things have gone a bit psychically akimbo for him in the past few years - he’s damn lucky he walked away from Holivia without being permanently labeled a home-wrecking himbo by the GP, (especially with all the drama rama that was coming out towards the end with the salad dressing and the lying down in front of cars. 🫣) Saturn’s meddling aside, I have to imagine someone as thoughtful and introspective as Harry has spent quite a bit of time reflecting on that chapter in his story and finding the lessons in it.

No matter who we are, life is about change. People change. What people want from life changes, either because of experiences we have, (or maybe because of experiences we’re denied.) But any way you look at it, none of us are the same people at 30 (or 40 or 50) that we were when we were 20. And if we are, that should be cause for tremendous concern.

Harry and Louis are no different from any of us. They put their pants on one leg at a time in the morning just like the rest of us, they just have the space and opportunities their wealth provides for them to pursue their personal growth with perhaps much lower stakes than those of us who have to pay rent every month and pray we have enough stashed away to someday retire. I am curious to see how this growth manifests for both of them over the coming years, in their art and in how they choose to show up in the world publicly. I want all of us to give them the space and grace to be who they want to be.

Sorry for the novel here. You just really make me think sometimes, Gina!

In some ways I understand wanting them to stay the same, but honestly, I don’t think I could love an artist who didn’t learn and grow and examine their life and how it relates to their art over time. And I wouldn’t doubt that the last few years has really changed both of them—they’ve been through a lot (both good and bad).

[aziraphales-library]

Back to bug you again! Randomly thought about "there was only one bed" and then immediately randomly thought "lol there was only one body" as in for some reason I was secretly starving for possession fics? Not a lost fic ask. Just a "got any for me?"

Read a great one, Tether by Gingercat a while back.

But it is a crime that "there was only one body" does not seem to be a tag.

Basically I mean I'm ISO fics with any unfortunate events that cause either Az or Crowley to have to possess the other's body. And most likely it devolves pretty quickly from there.

There is not a 'there was only one body' tag, but there IS a sharing a body tag. Here is a selection for you...

Possession by spunknbite (E)

“So my idea, and please don’t dismiss it offhand - ” Aziraphale settles back against the pillows, “I think you should possess me.” “That’s a terrible idea,” Crowley says flatly.

And I Would Hide My Face In You by amerande (E)

It had been six thousand years, more or less, since Aziraphale had last been without a corporation. He'd forgotten how different some things were. OR: The one where they share a body.

Bonded by Guanin (T)

Aziraphale had almost died, almost fucking died, and now he was sharing Crowley's body, his spirit surrounding Crowley, a loving, pulsing presence right in the very heart of him. He had never been this close to Aziraphale before, had never dreamed that it would be possible. He was sorely glad that he didn’t need to breathe, for he wouldn’t be able to manage it with Aziraphale’s presence making him feel drunk and mellow. It was a miracle that he could drive at all. Aziraphale had grafted himself onto Crowley’s soul, the border between them permeable and merging at the edges a little more with every second that passed by.

I've Got You Under My Skin by redundant_angel (E)

Crowley must possess Aziraphale in order to prove to Hell that he's worthy of keeping his demonic powers. Aziraphale agrees to help. ------ “Regulation demands that you must prove to us that you are worthy of your demonic status by possessing another being and having them bend to Satan’s will.” “Oh, is that all?" said Crowley.

Meanwhile… by TheTalkingPeanut (M)

My alternative take of these scenes/the near-ending of the 6th episode (and that one from the 5th). I got a 'what if' in my head after I heard these lines: "I just need to find a receptive body. It's harder than you think. I just need to find a body...pity I can't inhabit yours." To which MY mind added his response: "Why not? Who said you can't? I'm right here, Aziraphale. Take me."

A bit snug by fenrislorsrai (T)

“I do need a body. Pity I can’t inhabit yours. Angel, demon...probably explode…” --- And there was only one bed body. They can't be made to fight if they're both in the same body. It's the surest way to cancel each other out and make sure they won't have to face each other at Armageddon if they can't stop the end. They may not explode, but there's definitely other consequences. Not least of which is getting to know the parts of each other they hid from each other or were too afraid to admit to. What can they learn from each other's experiences? What ARE bodies? After all this time, they're finding their ideas of such were perhaps too limited by what they'd been told. What is Self and what part of it is defined by other's perception of you? and what if that Other is now with you? Can you still deny you are worthy of love when you must direct some of it back at yourself to love another who’s currently part of you. Which is all very serious but also they bicker a lot, flirt with someone in same body (awkward), have Opinions about how to take their tea, make a demonic pact, and confuse Gabriel with math.

And the one you mentioned...

Tether by Ginger_Cat (E)

Aziraphale, Supreme Archangel of the Heavenly Host, is just minding his own business. Really. It's not like he's trying to get summoned to Earth during highly important archangelic duties. And Crowley's not trying to summon him, he swears, but somehow it still keeps happening... Now, if they could only figure out why?

- Mod D

[emyluwinter]

Hey honey.

It's been a long time since I've thrown out some theories.

Before the new part is released at the end of January. I want to share a few ideas about what can happen in general in the arc of Dissomnia.

In Riddle's dream, we see that his subconscious (no, guys, Malleus doesn't create all these dreams, he just gives them sand and various shapes and throws them into the sandbox) made his childhood very…Happy? His loving mother, who doesn't treat him like she's cultivating some kind of experiment. On the contrary, she has a big heart with a tender love for his son. Maybe his parents will be one of those sweet romantic couples with a long and strong marriage. A quiet, serene life. The friends who had been with him for all those years that he was actually locked in the house. Lots of hobbies. Lots of fun, lots of childish curiosity, games and adventures. Yes, he is still respected. But he is loved. Love as a friend and an undergraduate who has earned a good reputation.

Well, it can also be as tall as a two-meter-high Epel. Ahahaha.

Or 1.1, as we saw in Leona's dream. For Riddle, the dream is a nightmare where he continued all his mother's instructions and ended up….broke down. When he realized that the world was completely different from the narrow, tiny world in which he was trapped.

Ace's dream is something wild. It haunts me that we didn't see Ace at the very beginning. You see, we met the characters exactly in the order in which we met them. For example. Epel-Rook-Vil, Floyd-Jade-Azul. Jack-Raggie-Leona and so on. The meaning is clear. But in the arch with the dreams of Hearts, everything went topsy-turvy. It's pretty funny if they just switched places for the sake of Alice's chaos theme.

Ace is definitely going to be a wild card in every sense. Maybe his dream is a simple school life? Or is it an endless amusement park?

But you know, I want to see one detail….

What if Ace's subconscious gave Yu and Grimm better conditions? A Loving Family? A house?

I had an idea what he could give to Yu's - parents. Yuu mother, for example, is a famous photographer and artist (Yu's love of photography and art), and Father is an inventor or craftsman (I will fight with anyone who says the opposite, that Yu does not understand repairs and all sorts of things, after so much has been done in their dormitory) Definitely a man who has golden hands, in short. And Yuu will be their favorite child, having inherited their passion for certain crafts. A modest but very very cozy house where you can exhale and leave all your sorrows at the door. Where there is always a smell of something delicious or pleasant.

Grimm is a part of this family unconditionally. Is he also loved, also slightly spoiled?

The reason, which has strong and deep roots in the form of family and home, is that neither Yu nor Grimm will leave college. Yuu doesn't have to go back to his world, Grimm doesn't have to get used to living alone without Yuu.

Maybe Yuu will even have magic in Ace's dream, who knows?

2.2 We turn the chessboard around again and his dream is all his hidden fears. The horrors and nightmares that haunt him.

Riddle remains the same Tyrant, the rules are becoming suffocating in every sense. There is no help from senpai, teachers, or the principal. Yuu either returned to their world, or were injured or died in one of the overblots. Or they were expelled when Grimm's behavior was no longer tolerated.

Consciousness and subconsciousness are very complex things. Therefore, it is difficult to say what can break out and turn into a dream.

The arc of the other characters' dreams will end. Finally, these filler series will end.

The plan of Idia and Styx. Discussing exactly HOW to wake everyone up and reason with Malleus. Most likely, this will again be a division into groups. 22 characters in one scene, it's a nightmare for a screenwriter!

After we wake up the "last one," Malleus decides to make a move. You know, I couldn't help but think that this Dragon, beautiful as a god, was just waiting for a very convenient moment to attack. And this guy, let's not forget, is also smart. VERY Let's say we woke up the whole "gang for a fight". What's not a great opportunity to sneak up and not destroy the entire pillar? My bet is that there will be a repeat of the sleeping beauty scene. Silver started it, so there will be an attack on him. He's the only one who can walk through other people's dreams without Draconia's knowledge. Permissions NOT too.

What is easier to deprive the only chance to wake up the others again than to fix the main problem? We put Silver to sleep, we throw everyone back into their dreams. Voila!

This will most likely happen after Riddle wakes up. It would make sense because we started the game with Riddle (figuratively speaking), and Malleus closes the door back at the very end. They have some similar themes, which would be well reflected by some of their parallels. Both have a theme of roses and thorns. Both follow their own "rules", both have their own "reputational image", both don't know much about the "outside world".

Finally, let's bring Lilia back into the story. Yes, I miss the reunion of the Diasomnia family.

Yuu will see more dreams about "Sleeping Beauty" as a warning that Malleus has been watching them all this time and waiting for the moment to cut down this weed.

7.1. Yuu also sees all the horror, all the nightmare from the prologue.But not fleetingly in a moment like before…..and live every second of this desperate and hopeless situation. It's like they're being burned alive, torn to pieces, and they see each death in slow motion, like an endless torture.

Silver, because of his unique Magic, can see this nightmare too… and they both realize that this is not a dream at all, and not because of Malleus.

Lilia drinks blood. (maybe Yuu, maybe not) LISTEN, he ate frogs and mice, and another Bag knows what else. Technically, he's a flying mouse fairy. Sooo some species feed on blood. What's not a great solution to give Lilia the "opportunity" to regain her powers and magic before completing the entire arc of studies? It might work as some kind of move that just nobody knew about. Let's think that the Senate hated Lilia because his kind could feed on someone else's blood and become stronger? It's not the most pleasant thing, but we have something. It's a good and logical argument why they didn't want him in the capital so much.

So far, these are all the points that I can come up with in my tired head.

and also

Chapter 8!!

Each chapter has its own "theme" that is discussed one way or another throughout each arc. I may be wrong, but I only use the ones that I noticed myself during the passage. Chapter 1. tyranny and despotism, parental overprotection. Chapter 2 other people's hopes, a brick ceiling (I don't know how to say for sure that even if you give it your all, there is something that you can't go through in any way to achieve more) Chapter 3 - bullying, self-doubt. Chapter 7 the inevitability of loss, grief and loss, and so on.

For chapter 8, it could be Loneliness, isolation, and the outsider. Loneliness? It seems that this topic has not been raised in other chapters.

Yuu's loneliness, because they're not from here. Grimm's loneliness, because he doesn't belong to any part of society either. It's possible that the "puppeteer" is so distraught from loneliness and grief from the loss of something.

Hmm. Most likely, I'm wrong, and the topic of chapter 8 will be different.

They are both isolated from the world in one way or another. Remember how in the same novel, everyone kept them at arm's length and a mop, just to avoid dealing with them.

I understand that we still have a lot to see in Chapter 7, but frankly I have no idea what they have in store for Chapter 8!!

Oh, yeah. Most likely, on this anniversary, the 8th dormitory will be made official and they will be given a "badge", the one with the ribbon that students wear on their uniform jackets. In any case, it's very likely. If they also give you a uniform for Grimm, it will be very cool.

That's the end of my brain gum and I'm taking a break from work.

What do you think, dear?

[fromchaostocosmos]

The amount of incorrect things being said in it are innumerable. Once again it just show the total lack of understanding about Judaism.

On even the most basic rudimentary and fundamental things.

Also the disrespect to Native Americans and their practices is noticeable as well. To use words like demons to describe entities from a culture that does not a have a word "demon" is rude at best and is a form colonization and Supersessionism at it worst.

I know that you are not supposed to say W*ndigo and especially if there is snow. I also know that many Native American people censor the name when writing not out of respect, but as a preventive measure because you don't want to bring attention to it.

That is why I have censored it.

I find it disrespectful to call it a demon.

All this demonology stuff you are entitled to believe in, but what you need to understand is that it comes from Christianity. That is a fact and the reality.

And thus it is rooted in Cultural Appropriation and Supersessionism just as Christianity is.

Because you are still working in that Christian frame work.

Malachim or as they wrongly translated to angels do not have free will within Judaism. Free will is something that unique to humans. That is what makes us human, that is why humans struggle, and that is why humans can not be perfect.

That whole thing about free will and humans being the only creation to have it is a huge part of Judaism and Jewish philosophy. The idea that we straddle the animalisitic world, the base desire, and the spiritual world, higher self, and the balance we need to find in that is again a major aspect of Jewish philosophy.

Yatzer Hara, the evil inclination, is not sin. That is not what it means and that is not what that concept is about.

Listen let me explain something I grew up in studying my people, my faith, the history of my people, the culture, and more both at home and in school.

I took tests and wrote papers on this stuff. I wrote speeches on the Tanach. I studied it. I was and still am immersed in it. I was surrounded by it from birth. I went to school from 8:30 to 4:45 and for the first of the day did Judaic studies on varying topics.

Much of what I described is not uncommon for most Jews.

I still like your average Jewish person find a way to participate in the study and discussion of the documents, scripture, commentary, etc. because that is what we do.

We Jews live it and we breathe and that is how we have been doing since before the Greeks and the Romans and Babylonians, and the Assyrians and whoever else.

And while they might be gone, we on the other hand are not. So for you to try and think that you lecture any one of us on our own stuff is laughable.

You do not have the knowledge, experience, and time to be able to do that.

We study and debate and discuss and argue because for us that is how it is and when we agree it still sounds like we don't because we are passionate and because the Tanach is alive. It lives in every Jew and we breath it. It is a living document.

Everyone deserves the freedom to their own beliefs, but that does not give them to right to steal and take from others and then be dishonest about what they are doing.

Lilith from Judaism is not Lilitue of Sumeria and they are very different.

Lilith is not and was not Adam first wife. That idea comes from a satirical work that was written in the Middle Ages. Not an actual serious philosophical or theological piece called The Alphabet of Ben Sira.

There is a reason that Jew groan every time we see or hear Lilith being called Adams first wife.

I mean there is a lot more fascinating and actual commentary about Adom and Chava that already exists, some of my personal favorites coming from Ramban רמב״ן (Nachmanides).

So thanks for theft and Supersessionism, but like no thank you our dance card in regards to both of those currently already full. You know maybe you make an orderly queue and that would it easier for us to deal with all of you who keep stealing from us and colonizing us and you doing the whole Supersessionism thing to us.

Or maybe we can the like take a number thing. Basically we need to find a better system.

Or maybe just maybe you could just stop doing that shit to us and others. Just a thought.

Hi, Shi! So, I saw your post about white saviours in the community and I wanted to ask about the Judaism one specifically. I am not white but nor am I Jewish, in ethnicity or religion, but I was also told that demonolatry spreads harmful ideas about Judaism. Because of that, I kind of stepped back from my demonolatry research for a moment. But your post did get me thinking. I guess I'm kind of just asking for clarification. Is it okay for me to practice demonolatry as a non-Jewish person or not? Sorry for the super long ask. Thank you, love your blog!

Okay, this is a kind of complex topic.

Demonolatry is the practice of worshipping demons. This can apply to any demon not just those with English names. There are people who worship the demons mentioned in Islam just as much as there are those who worship those with Jewish and Latin names, and there’s a ton of overlap.

The concept of “demon” can only exist if you conceive of some kind of supernatural divide between Gods and spirits. Many demonolaters consider all spirits including Gods to be “Spirits”; the distinction is not important and doesn’t have any real meaning. It’s rare to hear of demons in religions or spiritualities that do not have a dualistic philosophy, you don’t hear about Hindu demons often for example. And the word “demon” in English comes from the Greek “daimon” actually referred to any spirit or divine being. Pinpointing what is and isn’t demon, daemon or spirit is a matter of perspective.

The idea that you can only work with demons that have Hebrew names if you are a Jew is one that literally doesn’t make grammatical sense.

If you are a practicing Jew or hold an Abrahamic theology, to worship or revere any demon would be a violation of your theistic laws. It’s a sin, a big one. Every deity, spirit, God/Goddess from every other religion or belief is a demon to you because you believe there is only one true God. That means Norse, Greek, Egyptian, etc. deities are also considered to be demons.

Because of this theology, every time that people of Abrahamic religions (Christians, Catholics, Jews, Muslims) encountered pagans who worshipped other Gods, they were demonized. Aphrodite/ Astarte became Astaroth, Phosphorus became Lucifer who then became Satan, Cerberus became Naberius, and so on and so on.

It’s incredibly important to remember that just because a name is written in a certain language, Hebrew for example, that does not directly imply that the deity is closed to the religion of Judaism. Not all people who spoke Hebrew were Isrealites, and not every spirit that was described by them was closed to them. Lilith for example was a deity/spirit that was recognized by multiple groups of people before the Israelites existed as a definitive and monotheistic group. Lilith was described by the Sumerians for example, her strongest surviving name and archetype is that which was described by the Jews because the Jews themselves survived and the Sumerians did not.

Most demonic names you will encounter will either be written in Latin, English, or Hebrew, not because these demons are closed to those cultures but because their documentation was only ever really considered legitimate when it was done by the followers of Yahweh. This is one of the major effects of colonization in general. If I as a Phoenician pagan say that Astarte is kind and beautiful, that doesn’t matter to any Roman Catholic. If I as a Catholic say that Astaroth is a perverted demoness who tricks men into demonic sex, the church might actually listen and write that down. Us 1000 years in the future may look at that name and assume Astaroth is a Roman demon and not a Phonecian Goddess who was described by Roman people and documented in Latin.

We speak English, so the demons that are accessible to us are usually recorded from the Abrahamic religions that speak English- Christianity. Our demons are not cosmologically “Christian” nor necessarily have anything to do with the Christian God specifically (Lucifer is a Roman deity and would have had no biblical interactions or connection with YHWH according to their origins). But Christians gave them names and we use those names for the sake of consistency and to reduce confusion across languages. Many times, the original names have been lost and the infernal aspect and name is all that remains. It is the life’s work of many Demonolaters to restore their deitie’s cult to its glory, to discover these dead names or to ensure that the surviving name… survives.

There are a select few demons who’s names originate in the Jewish tradition, Azazel for example, was the scapegoat of the Isrealites who then went on to command the Watchers who became the fathers of the Nephilim. But these demons aren’t necessarily considered to be closed to Judaism- again, because no Jew is ever going to reach out to a demon before the big GOD himself. There is no theological reason why Azazel would only recognize Jewish or Christian people. If you acknowledge Azazel as the scapegoat and use that name, you are referencing his archetype as it was described by the Isrealites. Likewise if you use the name Lilith and consider her to be Adam’s first wife, you are also using her archetype as she was described by the Jews. But that doesn’t mean that Lilith herself is considered to be a sacred figure within the religion of Judaism any more than Aphrodite is. They’re all demons. There is only one God.

There’s a stronger argument to be made for the big three Jewish angels - Michael, Gabriel, and Raphael, being closed to the Jewish religion because they literally are the angels patroned to the people of Israel and they are majority involved in the actual worship of their God- although I don’t really consider them to be closed either because, according to their theology, they would protect any human being created by God (which would be everyone).

The thing that you actually need to consider is if the deity is:

1. Culturally tied specifically and only to the people inside that closed religion- Demons were said to fuck with everyone, all of humanity, not just Jews. The Wendigo was a culturally significant creature that specifically targeted the Indigenous peoples of Turtle Island.

2. Intrinsic to the actual act of worship/ practicing itself- No practicing Jew incorporates Lilith or any demon into their prayers in the way they might with Archangel Michael.

3. Conceived of by the culture itself- Lilith is far older than Judaism and they do not claim to have conceived of her, whereas Michael was literally created by the Isrealites and was always said to act in the best interest of Israel as a nation.

4. Is revered and considered sacred- If I call Lilith or Belial nasty little whores, no jew is going to flinch, they probably agree. If I even speak the name of their God which is considered to be so sacred that it should not even be said in prayer, that’s insanely offensive. If I use the Tetragrammaton or wear it frivolously, someone is going to call me out.

Many western occultists have certainly appropriated sacred things from other cultures, ESPECIALLY from Judaism. Rather than admit their clear inspiration they bastardized the names and essentially stole incredibly important spiritual concepts (Qabalah). As much value is there is in the Qliphothic tradition it is also majorly appropriated from Jewish mysticism which is supposed to be knowledge closed to specific Rabbis. That’s why I’m not the biggest fan of people like Aliester Crowley.

This doesn’t mean to say that you can’t learn about anything Jewish, or Indigenous or Muslim etc. I try my best to always learn from people who are actually of the faith and not asshats who try to take the culture out of the practice. Some things genuinely are sacred and should not be appropriated, I don’t think that demons in general are one of those things.

It’s also important to remember that practices and deities aren’t always synonymous.

The Loa sprits of Voodoo religions are closed because they are ancestral spirits specific to the people in that culture. I can’t invoke my Haitian friend’s great great great grandmother and expect her to do my bidding. I can’t invoke the ancestral spirits of the Indigenous peoples of America and expect it to recognize me. I can’t even pronounce those names.

Hoodoo being closed to the black community is due to Hoodoo being not only a practice,but a survival mechanism of the black slaves who were imported into America during the slave trade. It was the blending of African spirituality with the assimilated Christianity of their masters. But theologically, most black people who practice Hoodoo have a predominantly Abrahamic faith, with belief in the Bible (although usually an alternate version) and belief in the one true God. You cannot practice the act of Hoodoo if you do not have the context of your experience as black person and the unique familial/ancestral relationships and knowledge they possess.

Likewise, you cannot practice Native American spirituality, or smudge with white sage because you do not have any experience or context living as an aboriginal in this land. Due to … yknow, colonization and genocide, most aboriginal tribes have opted to keep their practices extremely closed and sacred. I couldn’t even do it if I wanted to because I don’t even know where to start, I would have to be taught by the people they have elected to know this sacred practice.

You cannot be a practicing Jew if you are not initiated into the religion. Working with these fringe spirits is not nearly the same as appropriating the closed Jewish practice. What I and other demonolaters do is not even remotely close.

Demonolatry is not organized, it’s a self actualizing practice. Sure we have priests and priestesses, but we usually operate in cults.

I don’t know how to explain the irony in this take because if demonolaters and outcasts don’t work with and worship these spirits … literally no one will. The left hand path is crooked for a reason, alternative subcultures are alternative for a reason. The cults of Phosphorus and Lilith have never been as big as they are now. For these fringe deities to have survived so long and somehow even entered the mainstream is honestly incredibly impressive lol.

People who are unconcerned with being outcasted from Abrahamic theology aren’t going to stop practicing with their demons because religious people think it’s bad. I’m already practicing witchcraft. I already don’t believe in monotheistic theology, and there’s an entire rainbow of other things I do that are unacceptable to Judaism, Christianity and so on. The thing I care about is not disrespecting the actual culture and the things that are truly important to them.

You won’t really catch me wearing crosses, referencing Catholic practices, or talking about my practice in reference or opposite to Christianity or Judaism. I don’t defile Jewish or Christian traditions or bastardize their teachings. My practice is not the invert of their doctrine. It’s a completely separate and individual practice and philosophy.

This is LONGER THAN I MEANT IT TO BE

TLDR: No, demonolatry is not antisemitic.

It can be antisemitic if you happen to be antisemitic and many antisemitic people have historically ruined the fun for the rest of us (thanks Crowley)

But no, practicing Demonolatry does not make you racist. Being a pagan also doesn’t mean you hate religion.

[marinettesaltprompts]

Marinette Salt Prompts: In which Max saves Paris by being himself - Part 1

Prompt by yours truly :)

Warning: Long Post!

When Max first became Pegasus, he was initially excited to become a hero. Getting these cool awesome powers, being able to help the people of Paris and be seen more than just a computer geek had put a spring in his step.

And it still was! ... For a time at least.

But then one day following an akuma attack in which Max lost conciousness (from a wasp attack? did Chloe get akumatised again?) Ladybug came by with a new suit and a declaration that she was the "Guardian" (whatever that had meant). Nobody questioned the declaration, even Max.

This of course, meant that Pegasus became a hero more than not.

This didn't seem so bad at first ... but then the weariness began to set in. More and more akuma's appeared, resulting in Max having to be called more often, leaving him tired and exhausted as a result. While Max was lucky enough that he had not managed to to be hit by an akuma's power, seeing one of his hero allies just disappear sent shivers down the poor genius's spine. Especially when Roi Singe was hit (even though Max had no clue who he was, he seemed familliar).

It didn't help that Ladybug and Chat Noir, the main Heroes of Paris, had begun to fight a lot more. At first it was just simple disagreements, but then it became louder. Max noted that Chat kept trying to get close to Ladybug, but the latter kept trying to push him away. At first Max had assumed that it was due to Chat's well known crush on Ladybug, but now he was not so sure, especially when she began to get snappy with others even if Chat had said nothing the enitre fight (which in itself became more and more uncommon). Ladybug was obviously stressed, but whenever anyone commented on it, she would either deny it or get incredibly angry (especially if it was Chat Noir that made the statement)

It was only after a long and terrible akuma battle that Max began to see things differently. More than half the heroes had been "disappeared", only to be returned back to life with the Miraculous Ladybug. A lot of the heroes looked very uncomfortable, but had said nothing as Ladybug once again congratulated them on a won battle.

Max finally spoke up.

"Um... actually, I have a question?"

The way Ladybug seemed to snap her head to him almost made him jump back, but seeing as she had some sort of smile on her face, he continued.

"These akuma's have started to become more and more problematic recently ... more than half of us were... vanished, when normally that doesn't happen..."

Of course it happened more often, they just didn't say anything. But this is the worst one yet. Most of them vanished. ONLY vanished. We don't say kill because thats impossible to think about without feeling sick to the core

"... perhaps we should approch the problem with the akumas a bit more differently?"

Ladybug paused, the smile disappearing from her face as she contemplated what he said.

"...Well... sure. I suppose we don't spend enough time actually training. I mean, me and Noir have a lot of experience but all of you are much newer than we are ..." Ladybug snapped her fingers in excitement "Oh I know! How about we meet up for a training session? Perhaps we could all take the time to learn how to use our powers better!"

Despite the well intentions behind it, Max actually felt sick at the idea of having to spend more time in the costume. He actually had his own life to worry about thank you very much. (Unbeknwnst to him, several others felt the same way).

"N-No! I-I mean that was what I was going with, we are ok with using our abilities." Max said hurriedly, avoiding the subtle displeasure on Ladybug's face. "What I meant to say was... shouldn't we try and solve the issue directly."

"What, you mean the akumas?" Ladybug asked.

"No ... I meant Hawkmoth. Shouldn't we do something about finding him?"

The question caused everyone to perk up at the thought. Even the now-normally silent Chat Noir raised his ears at the suggestion.

However, Ladybug's face remained stone cold.

"That's ... not possible."

"What do you mean its not? I mean, we have these powers right? Couldn't we use them to find him?" Max said, even as the others visibly shrinked with anger.

"I'm saying its not as simple as you think. We don't have the time to find him. We already spent enough time dealing with the akumas. Don't you want to go back to your normal lives?"

(The irony that the akuma's had left them busy to begin with remained lost on Ladybug's mind, even as the others inwardly cringed at the statement)

Max however refused to back down on this however. "Ladybug, with all due respect, we have been fighting an akuma every few days now. Some weeks we even had to fight every single day! Shouldn't we try to stop the problem at its source?"

"The problem," Ladybug said through gritted teeth. "is that Hawkmoth is too well hidden. We need to focus on being ready for his next attack, not wasting time on impossible goals. We can stop him for good when he finally gets cocky and shows himself."

"B-But we can't rely on that! Ladybug, he has no reason to show himself because his powers don't require him to be close to be effective. Too many of us got ki- got vanished! If this happens again we could actually be in serious trouble!"

"Look, I'm trying my best here! My plan was still able to work! We succeeded in the end right? We saved the day! That's all that matters! That's all we can do for now!" Ladybug said, her voice getting louder.

"And what if it fails the next time?"

"My plans haven't failed yet! Can't you trust me Pegasus?"

"I do! B-But you haven't been performing optimally! Every time you call us you look extremely tired, and you've begun stuttering at times when you're making a plan in battle! You've been coming to every akuma fight all tense and stressed and-"

Max's voice died out in his throat as the rest of the team flinched. He didn't want to say that word, but it slipped out on accident. The whole teamed had learned that nobody should call Ladybug stressed. But he did.

The effect was near instant. Ladybug's eyes constricted and she began to visibly tense up and shake.

"OH GREAT, NOW ITS YOU TOO! CAN'T YOU SEE YOU'RE NOT THE ONE HAVING TO STRUGGLE HERE?! I'M THE GUARDIAN! I'VE GOT BETTER THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT THAN YOU WASTING MY TIME ON STUPID QUESTIONS!"

Pegasu- no, Max, flinched, but tried to stay strong. Emphasis on tried, even as his confidence began to falter/

"Ladybug look, i'm sorry, but if you could jus-"

"NO, YOU DON'T GET IT. I'M THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN STOP HAWKMOTH. ALL I ASK IS FOR THE REST OF YOU TO JUST LISTEN TO MY PLAN SO THAT WE CAN BEAT THE AKUMA AND GO HOME. BUT NO, YOU HAVE TO QUESTION EVERYTHING I DO LIKE IM DOING EVERYTHING WRONG! I HAVE TO MAKE THE PLAN! WHO ELSE CAN PURIFY THE AKUMA? WHO ELSE CAN SAVE PARIS?" Ladybug yelled as she stormed up to Pegasus, furiously tense and visibly sweating.

"But how are we supposed to save Paris if Hawkmoth is still a threat?!" Max said suddenly, a wave of adrenaline overcoming him as he momentarily met Ladybug's eyes. "We can't keep doing this forever like we have no one that won't miss us, we have our own lives too! We can't keep running off to save Paris when our families don't even know where we are! My mom doesn't know where I am!"

Ladybug narrowed her eyes.

"So this is what this is about?" Ladybug asked questionly with hostility. "That you can't keep up with being ahero? Being a hero means that sometimes we have to do what is necassary for the greater good! Not everyone can run away when you're the only one who had the power to fix it. Its about sacrifice!"

"...but this isn't sacrifice. It's a slaughter." Max said, his voice suddenly going hoarse. He felt tired in that moment, a wave of exhaustion ovecoming him as he slumped forwards. He wanted to be back home, not on these rooftops, but with his best buddy Kim and his great robot friend Markov. His family.

As the rest of the heroes stared in shock at the genius hero looking so defeated, Ladybug stood silently as she appeared apathetic to Max's outburst, merely glancing at him as she looked at her (former?) ally.

"You know what? Fine? If all of this is such a problem for you, then I'll find someone else who can take over for you. The akuma's defeated anyways." Ladybug said seriously, ignoring the shock from some of the more empathetic heroes. "Go to your rendevouz spot and wait for me. I'll come and pick up the Horse Miraculous from you. You're off the team."

Despite having no desire to be Pegasus in that moment, the callousness in Ladybug's statement caused Max to feel angry, his hand curling into a grip as he took a deep breathe in and out.

"You know what? No, I don't think I will." Max said simply, ignoring the shock on Ladybug's face as he turned around. "I'm tired, im exhausted, and I just want to go home. You know where I live, you can come and grab my Miraculous from my house once your done with the rest of your team. I'll take the express route home."

Voyage

With a simple word, Max created a portal beneath his feet, leaving to quickly for anyone to stop him or see where he ended up.

Max crashed into his bed. Quickly detrasnforming, he looked up from his bed to see Markov flying towards him.

"Oh hello Max! You look very tired!"

"Yeah, I guess you could say that buddy." Max replied.

"Oh no! You look upset, did something happen?"

As Max sat up from his bed, he began to recount his story as he changed from his normal outfit into his pyjama's. As Max sat down at the computer, he finished recounting this story to Markov.

"...And that's where I am now. So many other heroes got hurt and I'm worried that we won't be able to take another attack like that, but now Ladybug is mad at me and now I'm off the team! Sure, I don't have to be part of the battle, but it won't help when the next monster of the day suddenly levels Paris's city flat!"

"That sounds like a problem!" Markov replied. Though his emotion program was a bit simple, he felt a bit sad for his friend (and a bit angry at Ladybug, though not enough to trigger an akuma attack).

"Yeah, tell me about it. Not to mention that Hawkmoth is still out there, wherever he's hiding."

As Markov began to ponder how he could help his friends mood, a thought came to him.

"Perhaps we could solve this Hawkmoth issue ourselves."

"W-What? Markov I don't think thats possible. I mean, I am about to lose the Horse Miraculous once Ladybug finds me, I don't think we can do much against a magical supervillain."

"True, but as you said to Ladybug, fighting isn't doing us much good at the moment either. In order to stop the akuma's we need to solve the problem at the source. By all accounts, there's a 99% probability that Hawkmoth is a normal human adult outside of his costume. All we need to do is find out who Hawkmoth is and then we can catch him off guard to defeat him! Simple is it not?"

Max contemplated the idea, slowly nodding as he agreed with Markov. "That does seem like a good idea... but where can we start? It's not like we can just track down where he lives. Paris is huge!"

"So we will just have to go for the next two best things. His akumas and his victims! If we can track where those butteflies come from and where they are headed, we can follow them back to his lair!"

"His lair Markov?"

The robot nodded. "I don't remember much when I was Robustus, but I was able to recover a still image of Hawkmoth from his perspective! Apparently he has a huge lair from which he hides!"

"Wait, you had this the whole time? Why not tell anyone?"

"... I didn't think it was useful" Markov said embarrassingly.

Max decided to let it go though as he began to formulate an idea. "So... he sends his akuma's from a lair. So in order to find the lair we need to find the where the akuma's are flying from..."

Slowly, Max looked through his room. Scattered about were serveral drones, some of which were dismantled in order to create the shell for Markov's AI. If he could create a program to speciifically track down these akuma's...

His thought process was interrupted by a knock on his window, Max turned to see the window opened by an unimpressed Ladybug.

"Max"

"... Ladybug"

"the Horse Miraculous. Where is it?"

Wordlessly, Max gave her the box. Ignoring the look on her face, Max opened his laptop as he began to write a code on his laptop.

Ladybug contined to stare at him.

"You know, I was really hoping that you would have reconsidered your actions when I asked you to go to the rendevous point. I'm disappointed to see that I was proven wrong. Especially with that stunt you pulled."

Max continued to ignore her as he kept typing.

Ladybug sniffed her nose as she turned to leave. "Don't expect me to call you again ever. If this is how you are going to act when you are freaking out, then you don't deserve to be on this team."

Max never took his eyes off the computer, even as Markov stared angrily at Ladybug, wanting to say something but feeling like he should not interrupt. His eyes smiling as his code and his plan started to form together.

"Go ahead. Find someone else. Superhero work wasn't cut for me anyways. I'm much better when i'm using my brain anyways. I know what I need to do now. Besides, if being on the team means being treated that way, I'll pass. Last thing I need is to follow another Chloe."

Ladybug flinched, before leaving Max's room, yoyo flying in the distance.

Max didn't notice though. He had a plan.

One that would surely deal with this akuma plan once and for all.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Hi everyone! Hope you like this new idea i've had for a while now! Sorry if it feels rushed, I wrote this while feeling quite tired. I'm making plans for a part 2 and 3, but please let me know what you guys think!

[the-box-of-mine]

Melinda and demetrius: splitting and dissociation (part 2)

I was talking in the first part here about Melinda and her splitting episodes. In this part I will talk about the oldest son demetrius.

There's no lie in the fact his appearance was surprising, but also everyone knew that he didn't seem right.

But also he's very mysterious and understanding him is quite a challenge with the very little context we have of him. So let's dive into his character a little.

The unfocused look, very intimidating look, and eyebags under his eyes. Hell yeah, he got freaking 6 stellas and didn't even seem happy about it. He just looked very tired and just wanted to go to rest.

Damian and the rest of the gang approached him, and damian went to congratulate him of his achievement. But it seems that Demetrius looked very intimidating to him so he started to stutter. Demetrius took the lead of the conversation and asked him about his Stella (which indicates that Demetrius is actually looking at the progress Damian does academically, which is the most important aspect of demetrius's life). Normally when asked this type of question, it's normal to say "yeah how did you know?" "Yeah what do you think?". But not damian (my little child seems to struggle)😭, he instantly jumped into "how do you think father would think?" ,which is wrong in different aspects, firstly demetrius is the one who asked about his academics, so it felt very disrespectful to do that. Secondly , knowing how Damian gets annoyed with the girls in his class asking constantly about his father (and he's the second son with less remarkable achievements), I'm sure that Demetrius himself has even worse share in this experience, he doesn't even seem to have friends because he feels in different league, and people either intimidated by him or try to use him to get to his father. Lastly, it's their second time talking to each other in school, and damian still asked him in the same matter (about their father) which really gives an impression that he has nothing to ask about but this. But of course Damian didn't mean that, he's a little child who is trying to reach his family, Demetrius himself seems to have also problems with reaching out to others.

But even then he didn't get mad, even in his mind, he didn't get annoyed at damian, he just swayed away keeping his boundaries without any addition, something that neither Melinda nor Donovan did (imo he still got judged wildly). With one struggling with her emotions and splitting episodes, and deadbeat neglectful dad. Which made me believe that he is the one who has higher chances with having a stable relationship with damian. I talked more about this here but to summarise, demetrius is quite surprisingly patient with damian at most times. Considering their parents and his age too.

Now into his interesting mind, in chapter 93, anya tried reading his mind but got nothing at first, and the things she got was he (I don't understand) questions.

This hit very different seeing chapter 110, when Melinda said Donovan can read mind and even demetrius had been saying that.

A lot of people drew to the conclusion that Demetrius has this habit of blocking his mind since he knew his father can read mind, he restricted himself to not have any thoughts at all, which is very painful to think about, making your child anxious to this point is really a new low truly, donovan.

There had been questions about how this is even achievable, a state of blanked mind of barely any thoughts, Mr green talked a little about it when he was with damian and his friends. But let me explain this more.

What is demetrius doing is very similar to something called "dissociation", it's a state of complete stillness of thoughts, flowing through the stress, you can say it's like putting your mind in an autopilot mode. It's a coping mechanism many people do in response to stress and trauma, and its severity changes from one person to another.

Now it seems very peaceful coping mechanism, but it's a hell itself, it's like getting into a deep hole with, the more you get deeper, the more difficult it's to get out of it. The more time you spend doing it, the more it's hard to keep up with your life and tasks.

I'm pretty sure that if Demetrius had been doing it from a very young age, it means he definitely is having difficulty in keeping his thoughts flowing, and that he is not voluntary and completely controls his mind.

Now, what could happen if someone is dissociating excessively? It leads to many mental disorders and problems. The most insightful of them are (dissociative disorders). The three main disorders are (ranked with severity from lower to higher)

1-Depersonalization/ derealization disorder.

2-dissociative amnesia.

3- dissociative identity disorder (aka called multiple personality disorder in the past but the medical term changed)

Now I'm very sure with the amount of excessive dissociation demetrius expressed (and even indicate he started doing it very early). I'm sure he has derealization disorder, he's very out of touch with himself and feels very separated from his reality ,which is a perfect description of this disorder. I wouldn't be surprised if he had dissociative amnesia, like I wouldn't be surprised if he said he doesn't really remember having dinner with his family in chapter 106 (he really was out of touch and just eating his food, not giving care to the tension felt in that time).

(until now he didn't show any signs of being a system or having DID)

I'm sure he also has different mental struggles other than dissociation, but this one is the clearest one. Him and Melinda showed very clear signs of mental health struggles, I tried to analyse that, I hope that they both heal and get the help they need.

[a-little-bit-insecure]

I love Epic, it's one of my absolute favorite musicals- which really doesn't mean a whole lot cause I don't like musicals and I've only seen/heard Hamilton and Epic- but I really love the music.

But the fandom is one of the most difficultly black-and-white ones I've ever had the unfortunate experience of being a part of.

There's this longstanding ideology within the fandom- probably due to the young age of the audience- that sympathy is the same thing as advocacy.

I'm talking about Calypso.

I feel really really bad for Calypso. I do. She was dealt a really shitty hand in life. Locked away on an island that nobody could enter and that she couldn't leave, she was completely shut off from the outside world.

When Odysseus gets trapped on her island, she falls head over heels for him and eventually has to deal with the fact that the man she loves does not and will not love her back.

This is a horrible situation to be in. Unrequited love stings like a bitch, there's no cure for it, nothing that can make it better. Love is the strongest emotion, and loving someone who doesn't love you hurts.

So yeah, I sympathize with Calypso. I've never loved someone and I hope I never do, because the pain and jealousy and suffering that come from one-sided love would be more than I could bear.

That being said, I also acknowledge that Calypso is a shitty person. She kept Odysseus locked on her island for years, it's explicitly stated in her first song that she planned on raping Ody, "consummating their love" as she called it- though she probably didn't even realize it would be rape, but that's beside the point- and it's pretty heavily hinted at that she did rape him later on.

And I think this is where I lose a lot of people. People see feeling bad for a character as the same as endorsing their actions, and it's not. A character can have a painful backstory and go through really crappy things and still be an awful person. These two things are not mutually exclusive and it is possible to acknowledge them both.

I feel bad for Calypso, her unrequited love for Ody paired with the fact that she's completely shut off from the world make my heart hurt for her. I also know she's a terrible person who put Odysseus through hell for her own selfish desires, what she did was horrible and I don't support her in the slightest.

But for some odd reason, when someone mentions feeling the slightest twinge of pity for her, they get dog-piled on and called an abuser, an enabler, a rapist- pretty much every criminal title in the book.

You can feel bad for someone and still recognize that they're not a good person. And it's a little bit scary thinking about how difficult it is for this fandom to understand that.

People are not black and white, we're meant to think in shades of gray, we dont just swing back and forth between two absolutes like a pendulum. Sympathy isn't acceptance.

[those2fireboys]

I cut out the parts that made it fit the final criteria so this is just me being autistic abt autistic house.

Autism spectrum disorder is a difficult thing to represent in movies, tv shows, and books because it is a spectrum. Every person is going to experience it differently, so it gets into dodgy territory when it's portrayed in media, especially when it's not canon confirmed. Lots of characters have autistic traits, or “coding,” which means they have behaviors or characteristics that might align with how autism is understood, but the creators may not explicitly confirm the character as being on the spectrum. This coding can be intentional or unintentional, but it often reflects a lack of clear representation or a misunderstanding of the diversity of the autism spectrum. I am going to do a deep dive into one of these, widely accepted “autistic coded” characters, and explain how the show could have benefited from a confirmation of this character's autism.

Gregory House is the main character of the 2004 medical drama House MD. He is often implied to be autistic by both fans and the show itself. But this was 2004, and Dr Gregory House is supposed to be a suave, intelligent doctor. He cant have autism spectrum disorder.. Right?

Well, not exactly.

Dr. James Wilson: I'm going to read you something. "Asperger's syndrome is a mild and rare form of autism. It is typically characterized by difficulty establishing friendships and playing with peers, trouble accepting conventional social rules, and they dislike any change in setting or routine"... or broadloom. Don't say that last part but you get my point.

Dr. Lisa Cuddy: House doesn't have Asperger's. The diagnosis is much simpler. He's a jerk.

Dr. James Wilson: Why do you think he took this case? Because he believes these parents? Because he wants to help a young boy? He sees himself in this kid, and he's trying to help himself... He doesn't want this, he needs it.

Symptoms

Social Challenges

1a. Difficulty with empathy

1b. Blunt honesty

1c. Difficulty maintain relationships

2. Desire for Sameness

2a. See The Carpet™ situation

2b. His office (S8)

2c. Struggles when his interns leave

3. Sensory issues and Difficulty with Emotional Regulation

3a. Chronic pain, increasing with emotional issues

3b. Emotional overload

3c. He drives a car into his ex’s living room

4. Fidgeting / Stimming

4a. The Tennis Ball

4b. Twirling the Cane

4c. The vicodin bottle

1a. House has a very hard time with empathy, and while this could be interpreted as him just being a jerk, it could also be a symptom of autism. People with autism often struggle with empathy and understanding others emotions.

For example, in season 3 episode 9, House says, "It's a good thing you failed to become a mom, because you suck at it!" to Cuddy, in a moment of anger. Later in the episode he apologizes but struggles to understand why she is still upset at the comment after.

1b. House is extremely blunt. Again this can be interrupted as him being rude but it's also a common symptom of autism. House can be seen being extremely blunt with patients often leaving them and his coworkers shocked with his bedside manner.

1c. House has difficulty with vulnerability, often insulting his friends and people close to him when he's frustrated, or straight up ignoring them when he's focused on work, making it difficult to maintain relationships. These failings often lead to conflicts, and eventual breakdowns. However, when these breakdowns happen, usually House makes an (albeit stilted) effort to get these relationships back in order.

Dr Wilson: “I only have two things that worked for me: this job and this stupid, screwed-up friendship and neither mattered enough for you to give one lousy speech”

Dr. House: “They matter.”

2a. In season 3 House gets shot in his office and when he comes back to work the carpet in his office has obviously been replaced, as it was covering blood and stained. He has a meltdown and refuses to work in his office until the old carpet is restored. He says, “It's my office. It's where I work, where I think, where I save lives, I want it back the way it was.” He works in various places throughout the hospital but refuses to work in his office. Eventually the carpet is restored and he goes back to his office.

Autistic people often struggle with change, and need routine to function. Dr House struggles with this desire for sameness.

2b. Another example of Dr House’s desire for sameness is in season 8. House goes to prison and when he returns to the hospital he discovers that his office has been repurposed for another department. As in season 3, he refuses to work in his office until he gets his office back to the way it was. He annoys the other workers in his former office until they agree to leave and give his office back.

2c.  Many times throughout the show employees leave the hospital or work in another department. Whenever this happens House struggles to adjust to the change. For example, in season 4 all of House's fellows quit and he has to hire new ones. First he refuses to hire new doctors and tries to get the original team to come back. He then hired 40 fellows at once to avoid having to make a choice right away. House has to take time to adjust to the change before he can create a new routine.

3a. House has chronic pain due to an injury, he takes vicodin to help with this pain. However it's revealed in many instances throughout the show that the pain is connected to emotional issues. His pain increases when he can't deal with his emotions.

He takes vicodin to numb emotional pain. A lot of autistic individuals struggle to identify and deal with their emotions. Addiction is also common within autistic individuals because they struggle with pain and physical regulation.

3b. House often struggles with overly emotional situations, often leading to a meltdown. For example season 7 episode 15 “Bombshells,” in this episode House’s girlfriend is in the hospital and he avoids going to support her at all costs because he knows it will be a high emotion situation that he wants to avoid. Eventually he takes vicodin and goes to see her which ends up causing their breakup. After the break up House basically loses his mind, taking vicodin, drinking, and hiring prostitutes. In the end he ends up jumping off the balcony of a hotel into the pool.

These episodes really exemplify how much he struggles with sensory issues, specifically regarding his emotions. This is one of the most common symptoms of autism, in fact its part of the diagnostic criteria.

3c. In season 7 episode 23 House drives his car into Cuddy’s living room in a moment of anger. He misses her, he's angry that they broke up, and he's angry that she has moved on from him. He makes this decision in a split second and he clearly can't talk himself down. He can't emotionally regulate himself once it gets past a certain point.

4. I’ll group these three together for ease. One of the most common symptoms of autism and neurodiversity in general is fidgeting and stimming. Stimming is defined as “a self stimulating behavior, usually characterized as repetitive movements, actions, or vocalizations.” These actions aid in self regulation for autistic individuals.

House is often seen pacing, twirling his cane, or his vicodin bottle, and repeatedly throwing a tennis ball against the wall. These actions all reflect stimming behaviors. He focuses more heavily on these actions when he is deep in thought or struggling with an emotional situation, this reflects the self regulatory nature of these actions.

why do people hate the idea of house being autistic like guys... Have we forgotten headcanons, do we hate the joy of expressing yourself through a character... Also there are actual people giving evidence to their suspicion of house having autism why am I seeing autistic house haters on my dash....

[alicefromwhichplanet]

(For the kids)How do you feel being your parents’ child? What kind of person is your carrier/sire?

Skystrophe:

Oh, these questions are… unusual. (Look around anxiously) So am I allowed to say anything..? Will they watch this show…? Ok…

I wanna say that many bots say it’s lucky for me to have Optimus and Megatron as my parents… but the truth is, having them as parents really brings me a lot of pressure. It’s… not so easy to be the only child of two extraordinary people, and you know you’re not so extraordinary yourself. I mean, I am only “just ok” at many things they can easily do great. It’s just… I’m still trying to figure out.

My carrier is a very strong bot. By that, I mean he’s powerful, not only in battles and strategies, but in the will. I think there’s nothing in the world that can defeat him, or make him feel defeated. When he’s with us, he’s always happy, confident, full of energy. When sire feels unsure, he is there to boost his spirits. When I feel insecure, knowing that he is there for me, always makes me feel better.

My sire, on the other hand, is umm, stricter. I know he means well. He told me all about those stories of heroes and primes, and responsibility comes with strength. He’s a lovable bot, of course. And he’s gentle with me. It’s just, I don’t know. Maybe it’s the way he talks. He makes me feel… nervous.

Jinglestorm:

Being my parents’ child, it’s a lot of fun! They both like to play, so I’ve got plenty of time playing with them. We go racing on the plains, have a picnic in the woods, or play chess and other board games at home. Oh! And they love video games too! We also play video games.

And my sire, he’s a wonderful bot. He’s fun, energetic. He talks a lot, which is sometimes a little bit annoying. Hmm. But he’s actually the decision maker in our house, kind of? Him and my carrier take turns being the brain. But because of my carrier’s “unstable” issue, sire did play the brain most of the time, though he sometimes came up with bad ideas and I had to stop him from dragging us all in.

My carrier is— very well known among us kids. The cool triple changer, the only one alive by now.* He is also not very stable, and we know that. Besides that, my carrier went through a lot in past wars. Sometimes he’s still haunted by his past ghosts. But he doesn’t need to worry, because I am always there for him.

*It’s my headcanon and part of the plots of Heroic Nonsense, where Blitzwing’s triple changer form came from a secret experiment project carried out by autobots. The project failed because most of the subjects suffered serious complications— they developed split personality disorders and became overly aggressive and easier to get killed in the battlefield. Blitzwing is the only survivor.

Clobber:

Hmm, I don’t know. I guess I’m lucky to be my parents’ child. I’m happy and comfortable living with them. My parents knew each other for very long before I was born. They have a tacit understanding that made everything simple. We three are quite alike as well.

My carrier is the brain of our family. It’s easy to tell. Sire even calls her “General” as a loving nickname. And also, she’s really my role model. Her talents go beyond military strategies. She has wisdom and courage to deal with a lot of trivial stuff as well. As for my sire, he’s more of a kind-hearted, good tempered bot. He cooks really well and takes all the gardening work. By that I mean, work like making a fishpond in our backyard. More delicate job like planting is done by me. I heard that they were notorious decepticon war machines in the past. I always imagine how badass they can be! But I don’t have the luck to witness that. All I got are two big bots fond of their own hobbies and get along well with the neighbors.

Just for the reminder:

Skystrophe— Megatron and Optimus’s son, Megatron is the carrier

Jinglestorm— Blitzwing and Bumblebee’s daughter, Blitzwing is the carrier

Clobber— Strika and Lugnut’s daughter, Strika is the carrier

More worldbuilding see my fanfic Old World, New World

[storkmuffin]

I have no specific question but this is a free space to share whatever you'd like regarding ateez! Genuinely love reading your posts, so I'm sorry that I interact so much! 😭 when you do learn more about Mingi would love to hear your thoughts on him and especially how he presents his masculinity in difference from someone like Seonghwa or San!

Why in the world are you sorry you interact with me at any volume? THE MORE THE BETTER. I wouldn't be posting gigantic essays on Tumblr if I wasn't trying to send up a beacon for someone to please, please interact with me.

Since you're Mingi oriented and I'm just getting started on Mingi, here are some blurted thoughts.

Mingi's sound: Mingi's general rap style is what's described as 호통, which yelling at a high volume with the intention of telling someone off. I don't generally enjoy this sound. However, I've realized that though he sounds initially like he's hollering, his voice is actually much more expressive and plaintive than that. Part of this comes from me just not knowing how to 'hear' rap. Music may be innate to the human soul, but I know from experience that in order to get the most out of a specific art form, you actually need to learn what to pay attention to. The more I listen for what Mingi may be trying to do within the 'worlds' created by Eden-ary's songs, the more I think he might be the sonic and rap equivalent of Seonghwa when he does his narration-through-mime creations in his silent dance sequences.

The "role" that Mingi plays in a lot of the songs is to be like, the subconscious to HongJoong's id, to express the emotional, heart-centered reaction to HongJoong's analytical, in-his-head perceptions and conclusions, and be the private no-holds-barred self that bursts through when enough is enough. And the other thing I'm thinking now, after more open minded and detailed observation, is that he's not actually shouting much of the time. He's just really big, and his voice is big. When he's actually shouting, you can tell that he's really shouting, but he isn't always shouting, you know? He just uhhh has a lot of testosterone, is all.

Mingi's dance: Ateez members have talked about how when Wooyoung first joined (and he joined last) Mingi found him very threatening, as a dancer. They had 'similar' styles, allegedly, that observers at the time all agreed on. I found this very strange because since I only found them in the Ice On My Teeth era, I just hadn't seen any similarity at all between Mingi and Wooyoung. I actually had wondered at how little the members seemed to have in common. At first glance, Mingi should not be in the same group, sonically nor visually, as Jongho, and what Yunho does just doesn't seem to go with how Wooyoung runs his on stage persona and they also don't look like they should be standing next to each other, and so on. If I had to find similiarity between Wooyoung and Mingi's way of moving, it would've been that they're both very macho, very masculine, and are not doing the balletic and modern dance coloring that Seonghwa and especially San put on everything.

BUT THEN the whole, uh, Mingi in tight suit pants happened and I had an awakening like, HOLY SHIT HE DANCES REALLY SENSUALLY WHEN HE WANTS TO. And he's fast, like Wooyoung. And he is light and allegro and a jumper, like Wooyoung. He moves in boxes and lines, like Wooyoung, rather than in circles and curves like San and Yunho. (I hope I don't sound insane). And Mingi being this way as a dancer is arresting because he's physically very big, and generally big dancers are not light nor allegro.

... And now I've done it again. I did not mean to write this essay but here we are.