#no you did not maladaptive daydreamed it’s called imagination

[charmedreincarnation]

Hey, guys! I've been receiving a ton of messages in response to my last post. It's reminding me of how I first discovered shifting. I feel like doing a little story time since Ive just passed the three-year mark of my discovery, and I've been reminiscing with friends about it.

I remember being in a very dark place when I stumbled upon shifting. I was depressed, and very suicidal. Yet, there was this unshakeable optimism inside me that I was meant for an extraordinary life. Despite my mental state, I had a lot of knowledge of subliminals and the law of attraction (-_-). These gave me hope, but they weren't enough tbh. I didn't want to attract my dream life through practicing gratitude or becoming a magnet for my desires or whatever. Nor did I want to have to listen to subliminals for years on end to achieve my goals. My list of desires was so long, and I needed everything to change that going step by step and waiting years for each one to manifest just wasn't feasible.

But I refused to give up. One day, after a particularly hard day of being sad per usual, I searched on Quora for something like "fastest most powerful subliminals on YouTube ever" (Y’all 😭😭). Among the recommended sub creators, I found a video called "Desired Life: Reality Shifting". The description promised everything I had ever wanted: waking up with all your desires fulfilled permanently in short. It piqued my curiosity so much. Could I really just wake up with my dream life, family, house, wealth, all based on my scripts and imagination?

Growing up, I was a heavy maladaptive daydreamer. From ages 10-17, I created alternate lives in my head, telling myself I would go there someday. I was always doing SATs (State Akin to Sleep), and I think that's what kept me from ending it all. I was constantly in the wish fulfilled state, even though I didn't know what that was at the time.

Back to my story, I went into the comments of that video and came across a guy who claimed that after a week of using this subliminal, he woke up with a new life as a multi-millionaire living in his dream penthouse. I messaged him, and he gave me his Instagram which showcased his luxurious life. He had what seemed like a perfect relationship, he was very attractive, had so many cars, and travelled 24/7 while having a six figures amount of followers. He was living proof that this wasn't just scripting. Also the law of attraction community is known for their mad expensive coaching.. like hundreds of dollars per hour for questions and he was answering it all for free something I didn’t see the law of attraction community. And I talked to him for hours! He never got mad, he had proof, and he was kind, proof and the behavior of someone who really had mastered the art of life.

After our conversation, I spent the next couple of months doing research. I found numerous stories about glitches in the matrix, accidental shifting, people entering parallel realities, and eventually, shifting communities on platforms like Amino and Reddit. It was stuff I already believed in and did in my imagination; I just didn’t know there was a term for it.

Then I got reminded of a memory that I had seriously repressed bc it was so fucking weird. When I was 6 and my brother was 3, we were absolutely obsessed with dodo birds. One day, we were outside playing, and on god time seemed to stop. Out of nowhere, a dodo bird appeared. I know you’re probably like “maya be so fr rn you were a kid” but no, This wasn't just our young imaginations running wild - there was a bird that was huge, dinosaur-like, exactly how dodos are described in books and pictures we had.

Then things got weirder. Suddenly it started raining eggs. Big, large eggs everywhere it was so gross and my brother and I were a mess. We were young, sure, but not stupid. We knew this wasn't normal. My brother and I rushed inside to tell our dad. When I managed to drag him outside, he was furious, accusing me of throwing eggs everywhere. To this day, he tells the story of the time I "trashed the backyard with eggs." And every time, I'm like, "Dad, where would I get that many eggs?" We didn’t have eggs but so he assumed I stole them and we went inside for hours and it was magically cleaned. So he also tells the story of how responsible I am and how I took accountability for my actions even as a child. I didn’t clean that shit bro and I tell him that too and he just laughs it makes me so mad.

My brother, who knows I'm into reality shifting (though he doesn’t really believe in it), can't explain that day either. He often shrugs it off as a "glitch in the matrix," which honestly, well no duh it is a shift dummie. He does believe in manifesting but only bc he has seen me use it and he experiences the good things I manifest as well. They’re the same thing anyways but that isn’t the point

The reason I'm bringing up this bizarre childhood memory is because during my months of research into shifting, I found countless stories of accidental shifts, people entering the void, entering parallel universes, time glitches, examples of the Mandela effect first hand, glitches in the matrix and etc. It was like uncovering a myriad of experiences that confirmed what I already believed: we can change and choose our reality. I just didn’t know the phenomena had a name. Obviously in the future I came across other things like the law of assumption, the void state, etc etc but this was where it started.

I wish I had saved all those fascinating stories, posts, and blogs. I might go back and compile everything I found because they were so real and enlightening. It will probably take forever tho if I do choose to do that, but I think it's worth sharing.

In the meantime, check out this accounts of accidental shifts that my friend shared with me this account https://instagram.com/tessicavision?igshid=OGQ5ZDc2ODk2ZA== based off the Glitch in the Matrix subreddit which is also a goldmine of people experiencing similar phenomena. It helped me make sense of my own experiences and might do the same for you.

I don’t want this to be too long and I already got to the point I think! but regardless stay curious and realize you’re really not that special. I mean ofc you are, i mean this is not some tumblr thing teens girls discovered or created and isn’t even limited to “spiritually/manifesting inclined people” I think at the beginning of my journey people talking about accidental shifts and such, inspired me more than purposeful success stories because they really have no reason to lie and they were looking for answers just like I was.

[marisol-holme]

The retired good girls guide for writing

I haven’t always been able to understand myself. 

I never felt like I was able to clock pure basic needs. Couldn’t tell if I was hungry or thirsty. I finished my meals early, preferring to always feel full, in a silent critic of my mother and father’s controlling rule over my life. A few bites of fuck you always left on the plate. I liked to see how far I could push it. How little I could drink, sleep, or eat, and still function. A true desert island scenario would see me lasting years; I had inadvertently trained myself for it. Except my desert island was more devoid of emotional fulfilment and attention. 

I had to get creative. I developed some interesting tendencies, sure. But mostly I just wanted to escape. Now my parents never went out, and my internal world was already tumultuous at best, so I did what anyone would do and read. I read voraciously. The ability to turn off my hunger had seeped into all areas of my life. A fugue state dissociation through most of my early years through to adolescence. But I was able to come alive when I was reading. When I read, it was like my first breath. Hungry. I could imagine these worlds and built them up easily, colourfully within my mind’s eye. I'd picture the strong female characters that I admired. I’d taste food, hear music. It was the only time I was ever able to really live, before I had to go downstairs and pretend to eat.

Unwittingly, my upbringing fostered just the correct environment for me to develop a writer’s hunger. Because a writer is always a reader before they grow mad to write. I grew mad fast. I had to. I had to create worlds for me to escape into, away from all the shouting and fighting. Alchemise what I’d read into something new and original. It helped that I was an avid daydreamer, although a psychiatrist might call me a maladaptive daydreamer, but it only ever occurred to me when I was bored. Parallel to this, I grew into shame, so what I wrote I would throw away. I sadly have none of my early works. They are long decomposed into sub-atomic and absorbable waste, probably seeped into a water system somewhere and live inside all of you. Yuck. Not even my best work. 

Then I grew up and I had no dreams because I was not hungry. I hadn’t picked up a book in a long time. I dabbled with things that made me feel warm. Partying and shallow conversations. Grotty pubs and sticky clubs. Good friends made me feel a good kind of warm. But it took me a long time to find my way back to literature. Through a work stint as a Nursery Practitioner, I found my way back into writing. You see, at the nursery we had to send updates to parents all about what their children were getting up to. I enjoyed this task and wrote the children’s days like stories. Descriptive and alive. I’d got the bug and the bug had bit me. I didn’t last long once I had started writing again and I quickly found myself working at the Ideas Foundation. 

Through my new employer, I was encouraged to trial as much as possible to find out what I enjoyed doing. I was also very privileged to have access to several creative professionals who genuinely wanted to help and mentor those younger than them. Mentors can see all your ducks and help you to get them in a row. My ducks were all over the place and needed very graceful guidance. You push my ducks too much and, well, they explode. Poof!

Speaking to seasoned professional copywriters, I was able to glean their persistent journey into the profession. The confusion I once had around my goals has seemed to have dissipated. The ability to feel hungry for life and understand myself has only grown. My spark is back. 

The excitement and giddiness I feel when I think about myself as a writer is immense. The energy can fuel me for days. I look to the bottom left of my documents and the number of words that can pour out onto a page grows and grows with each project I set myself. The possibilities as a writer seem endless from this perspective. 

I understand that there is a lot more to these dreams that simple want. I must be focused. Persistent. Take up the offers of guidance from those around me. Accepting critic and moving towards goals. But the potential is there. I understand myself a little better. I value my work a little more. Hopefully, one day in the not-so-distant future a book of mine might get thrown away and end up decomposing in the damp soil into tiny fragments that find their way into us. At least that work will be better and born of something other than the child’s will to survive and create. That would make me feel okay. 

[boredzillenial]

How about Blue creeping in your inbox? He's happy you're here... and being Blue... he's not letting you go again muahahahaha! *cough, cough* He'd love to inspire you.

Thank you Rally 🥹

Hubby always inspires strong writing and emotions! desire, fear, the works 😳 Here’s a quick Drabble of a patient who has some quirks Blue intends to hammer out. (Dissociation, inappropriate use of grounding techniques, breathplay)

Hours pass like minutes as you lay in your bed. The slightly damp hospital sheets scratching against your skin acted as an anchor, a tether to this horrible place.

Since your first moments here whatever pills that were shoved down your throat kept the worst of your traumatic memories away. However, they also took your most valuable tool - maladaptive daydreaming they called it. So here you lay, in this musty cold place with no escape.

In a few deep breaths though you manage to close your eyes and slip into something dark and ever expanding. Not quite sleep, definitely not dreaming, but at least not here.

The knocking at the door to your room didn’t stir you, neither did the short bark of Blue entering. It was only him dragging you back to reality by your throat that brought you back as he hauled you to your feet. “What’d I tell you about doing that-“ he grit, dark eyes bore into your own.

“W-what-“ you grit out, coming back into yourself.

“You don’t get to leave.” He leans you back, loosening his grip but not letting go. “What’d I tell you about your little imagination hmm?”

“I can’t - the pills won’t-“ your words cut short as he squeezed.

“We’re gonna do some *grounding techniques*, got it?” His gaze never left your as he began. “In for four, one… two… three… four…” You shakily inhaled on his count. His grip tightening on four. “Hold…”

The seconds ticked slowly “…four, good…” his grip relaxed and immediately your lungs greedily inhaled before his grip tightened again “ahh ahh, slowly…” you nod, taking in a breath by his count “…four. Hold it in.” A smile curled at the edges of his lips “there you go.“

You swallowed, feeling the pressure against you sending something swimming low in your brain. He finally released you for a moment. “T-thank you-“ you said nervously, unsure really what to do with him still so close.

“Of course,” he grinned, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear “I’ll be keeping a closer eye on you, can’t have you backsliding into bad habits.” He brushed his knuckles across your jaw before standing. The feeling of his hand remained long after he left…

——————

Apologies if the prose isn’t as good I just wanted to go with the bit of flow on this!

[ohodie]

my camp half blood oc ^_^

YALL SHES ADORABLE

her name is odette van schmidt and she’s a child of dionysus 😇

her story is actually rlly funny tbh. makes me crack up a bit. so here it is

basically dionysus met her mum (a rich socialite) at a party she was throwing for the opening of an art gallery, and it was getting late so everyone was going home. odettes mum looked over at dionysus and was like ‘omfg these old geezers r soooo boring. wanna hit the club?’ and dionysus was like ‘have my baby’ SO SHE DID.

9 months later she gave birth to odette van schmidt: the lying, unstable (possible future addict), drama queen JOY of dionysus.

by the time odette turned 14, her mum was like ‘right. this girl needs to get her ass to boarding school’ bc she could not stop CAUSING A RUCKUS. she was a menace during important parties and events- not because she wasn’t good at parties; but because they weren’t fun. while her mum agreed with her, she had grown out of her party girl phase and had to settle down.

well, odette didn’t fight her mums decision to send her to boarding school. after all, that’s where the craziest shit happens, doesn’t it? especially in new york.

so imagine this: odette van schmidt, the pretty girl with weird eyes and designer clothes CHOWING DOWN ON SPECIAL BROWNIES WITH HER ROOMMATE WHO LOOKS LIKE HOMELESS MAN IN A PRETTY GIRLS BODY.

odette could NOT stop getting into trouble. always sneaking off with her friends, partying her weekends away. by the age of 15 she had developed a pretty bad habit of taking a shot of vodka every sunday morning to get through the preachy ass mandatory services.

odettes mum had enough when she found out her daughter wasn’t taking her meds everyday at 8:00, and was instead lighting up at 4:20.

odettes mum had to call her baby daddy and tell him to pick her up for the summer. odette heard this call, and jumped to the conclusion she was getting sent to REHAB. so she ran.

she ran fast and fast and fast and fast. all the way from manhattan to queens.

ofc odette always saw weird shit. but she just always chalked it up to sleep deprivation, adhd, maladaptive daydreaming, and later in her teens: drug induced hallucinations.

after walking around new york aimlessly for 3 hours to escape rehab, her mum gave her a call.

“hey odette… can you come back home? bc ur lowkey a demigod and I WONT SEND YOU TO REHAB BABY IM SORRY I WONT ITS FINE YOU WERE ONLY SMOKING WEED ITS OKAY BABY-”

BOOM. hellhound right in the middle of the dingiest 7/11 in all of queens.

odette booked it- already terrified by what her mum said, and even more so by this terrifying dog thing.

she ran down at alleyway, hoping to escape the gross mangy dog, but she wasn’t fast or sharp enough to lose it or outsmart it. the hellhound attacked her from behind, ripping through the back of her shirt and leaving a scar that ran across the length of her back.

like that shit was BIG. like, from her neck down to her hipbone.

odette was vengeful thoguh. she was more angry than she was in pain, so she took out her pocketknife and started stabbing and punching that thing away. LIKE. HOW WOULD THAT EVEN PROTECT HER FROM A HELLHOUND??? but then the mutt started chasing its tail and howling like crazy, making it easier to put it down like an old dog.

and poof.

into thin air.

“alright what the fuck”

so there she lay- sitting and panting and wheezing in an alleyway, bleeding out. so she decided to pray,

“god i’m sorry for drinking on sundays! i’m sorry for using bible pages to roll! i’ll do anything to make it up to you!”

“girl, it’s fine.”

all of a sudden, there was this middle aged guy in front of her with the same eyes as her and the worst fashion sense she’d ever seen.

“i didn’t know jesus shopped at h&m…”

“jeez, you sound like ur mother.”

after 10 awkward seconds of silence, odette passed the fuck out. bc her back is a war zone. obviously.

when she woke up the next day, she was at the most rank hospital she’d ever been to. but all the doctors were cute. they were all blonde and spoke like poets and had such gentle hands. but they were wearing the most atrocious orange shirts.

good thing I’VE got STY-

odette looked down at herself. “are you fucking kidding me.”

orange was not her colour. it was purple.

after she got all healed up, two blonde 13 year olds who looked just like her arrived at the infirmary. “hiiiiii welcome to rehabbbbbbb”

“oh my god i’m actually going to kill myself”

castor and pollux eventually cleared up mostly everything about camp (after fucking around with their new older sister a bit more, of course), and proceeded to take her to get some food in her tall ass stomach.

she ate. and then she ate a bit more. and then she complained. and then she asked if her mum has her ‘crazy meds’. and then she asked for new clothes. and then she called her mummy and asked her for new clothes or perfume or anything. and then she walked over to the big house to complain about something again.

and as soon as she walked through the doors, screaming about how she can’t party with a torn up back- she was claimed.

“oh my gods odette. we have your stuff. its fine. it’s cool. you’re my daughter btw. and no drinking at camp.”

“… why would my mum fuck a guy who shops at h&m?”

“I DO NOT SHOP AT H&M, I AM A GOD-“

odette blanked. she wasnt really good at faces. much better with names. that’s what u get for being a history buff who can’t make eye contact i guess.

“… which one, sorry?”

“… dionysus?”

“oh. that checks out.”

[imaginesbymk]

*that tiktok sound* hey!!….. hey…….. how y’all doing………..

i have a lot to say but lemme start off by saying i am SOOOOOooOoOoO sorry for ghosting this blog for a year. same thing’s been happening with wattpad. i ghosted 2 fics on there. and that includes my original dystopian scifi novel that has been in self development hell (as i like to call it)

my only explanation is that i grew unmotivated and grew out of writing fics. it came to a point where im just maladaptive daydreaming, the maladaptive daydreaming takes over and it doesnt let me actually create anything. the other reason is timing. i worked my ass off and finally graduated college with a 4.0 GPA, i did more commercial modelling and runway for a university fashion show so i can build my portfolio, i work full time and my pay is big, i made more art in my sketchbook... basically i just lived my life outside of tumblr.

another thing, the giant elephant in the room, i met cameron monaghan and morena baccarin at fanexpo canada! cameron went through my sketchbook, signed my jerome/jeremiah fanart, and asked me if i was an art student. after i told him i was rejected twice, he looked through every single page in my sketchbook and told me, "aw. well, fuck 'em!" that "it looks like [you] don't need art school" after all. he saw my reservoir dogs acrylic portraits of mr. pink and mr. white and told me he used to watch that film almost 600-700 times when he was 12. he then took a pic of my Grace Van Dien fanart (when i met her in 2022 at fanexpo canada) and he told me he's gonna send it to her. i had no idea they even knew each other.

i couldn't afford a table selfie+autograph combo at morena's autograph sessions so i only paid for a selfie. i said "oi" and "obrigada" to morena before and after taking a selfie with her and she said thank you back with a big smile :D so fanexpo was surreal.

i've always wanted to meet cameron monaghan and after years of writing fanfic for jerome and jeremiah valeska and other gotham fandom character imagines, i *finally* got to meet him.

ive been thinking about coming back and writing again, not just tumblr but on wattpad and getting serious with my original scifi dystopian novel. there's so much that i wanna do in life other than become financially stable and become a successful petite model until i no longer look the part. its hard for me to write because i get so easily stumped. even when i create some ambiance and rewatch the fandom to get inspired, it just drops again. writing is hard. that is why i have respect for my mutuals and my favourite famous authors that got me to write when i was 12. (lol) and anyways, i made new friends and im the happiest ive ever been romantically that i dont need to *imagine* anything with a fandom character, i do it for those who imagine it themselves!

im so sad to come back here and see that a few of my mutuals are inactive or have deactivated. and i became like them and abandoned my work. to be fair, my writing isn't that good, and it still isn't, and if i get something written and published here or on wattpad on a professional hardcopy of my book, i won't believe that it's my best work - and i aced my creative writing elective in my program, so that's a bummer.

i think meeting cameron is giving me a nudge to get back to writing. it feels weird wanting to write jerome/jeremiah fanfic after interacting with the actor himself for less than 5mins of his time, and that he's a human being that experiences human stuff like we all do, the only difference is that he's famous. im not sure if it healed my parasocial mindset with my fave celebs. i do want to take my time and write *something*. i am not doing the requests that have been in my drafts and inbox for a year (sorry :O) im just gonna take my time and readjust and get something down.

<3 mad love to my mutuals @myriadimagines @spacetalbot @arrogant-sonofa-bitch @littlemissvincentvega @emcon-imagines @writerdream22 @jjsmaybank20 @witchthewriter @musicallisto @locke-writes @zodiyack @mahvericks @karasong @moonlit-imagines @randomfandomimagine + many more moots

[nerves-nebula]

Remembered Mikey dissociates and imagines up all sorts of fantastical stories and adventures in his head, not grounded in reality at all. And I was thinking about how I also did that as a kid, thus none of my art or stories related to my deeply suppressed trauma at all. Except I actually just now realized it definitely did, just in more subtle and hard to see ways. It was stuff like scenes accidentally paralleling all the running away from home plans I made, and deity and angel type characters being exactly what I wanted my parents to be (guiding and safe etc.)

Anyway, are there any sorts of weird consistent themes like that going on in ur Mikey’s daydreams?

dissociation as a term evades me at times. like, I actively and intentionally ignored my surroundings a lot as a kid, especially when things got bad. i'd just spend time thinking of my fantasy worlds and tweaking situations between characters and stuff. i could be snapped out of it, but it's also a reason that I can't remember a lot of my childhood lol. but like, is that dissociation? at the time i thought of it more as just "ignoring stuff" if i didn't want to listen to my siblings fighting or i was bored or tired or annoyed, i'd force myself to think about other stuff. and that other stuff was daydreams cuz its not like i had shit going on as a kid. it was a distraction and one i did on purpose.

though there was a thing called "shut down" which I would do to myself when i was under extreme stress and pressure, which was kind of a further step, and more akin to real dissociation. but also somewhat akin to autistic shutdown so idk. these things overlap.

uhh anyway i think what mikey does is more like the "ignoring stuff" thing. you could probably call it maladaptive daydreaming. that's probably what it was.

I mentioned in one of my earlier Neglected posts that he writes his stories down and has like, a long ongoing epic about him fighting what is obviously a stand in for his dad. I think at the time i said he did that on purpose but I think I'mma change that, because it'd be more likely he does it on accident. I also brought up a character he made called "pizza horse" who learns to love herself despite people calling her an abomination for being half pizza half horse.

i think a lot of Mikey's stuff has to do with people being appreciated for things that make them weird, or learning to love themselves or something. first of all cuz that's an easy and popular thing to write about but secondly because splinter thinks he sucks and is weird and stupid and Mikey. doesn't like that! he doesn't like that his dad thinks he's weird and stupid!! it hurts :D sad thing is that even if you decide to say Fuck The Man!! it won't mean u no longer care that your dad hates you :3

anyway sorry i keep rambling the answer is YEA. there are reappearing themes of like, evil guardians, or maybe princes who were stolen by evil people or thrown out into the rain as babies to die- who eventually reclaim all the praise and power they were supposed to have. Kids getting often killing or otherwise "defeating" the people who abused/bullied/hurt them. typical abused kid power fantasy stuff.

I think there's probably a few edgy oc's in there too, like, shadow the hedgehog type edgy. like black and red with glowing eyes and half angel half demon and they end up killing the evil king who keeps them in the dungeon and beats them daily. and there's blood everywhere.

ok i started rambling again about something else under the cut uhhhh sorry its not relevant to ur ask at all asdfsadf

i like the idea of Mikey snapping at Leo, Donnie, and Raph later on cuz he was the first one to realize splinter sucks and they just kind of didn't listen to him for years haha. I like to think about them sitting in like a gay ass therapy circle or something talking about their feelings and mikey thinking.... "isn't this what I wanted? they all agree with me now. We don't live with splinter anymore. It's great. they're even talking about their feelings and trauma... why am i like. kind of angry."

it's something along the lines of him getting annoyed that they all wanted sympathy and companionship and brotherhood now that they realized Splinter is awful but when MIKEY was the only one saying Splinter Sucks nobody listened. Because they believed splinter when he told them Mikey was stupid. Because as poorly as splinter treated them, at least they were all worth something to him in some way.

Like, they all believed Splinter was an Ok Dad because they had stake in believing that. They didn't want to think their dad was awful, of course, but they also had stake in their identities as the favorite (leo), as someone who was making a meaningful contribution (raph), or as helpful towards someone/something good (donnie) and if Splinter turned out to not be worth all that effort- then that'd mean they all suffered for NOTHING.

but Mikey didn't get that. The identity splinter gave him was Useless, Stupid, Annoying one who wasn't as good as his brothers at anything important. And in Mikeys mind (though the reality is more complex), his siblings didn't care enough about him for the way splinter treated him to be seen as an indictment of splinters character. saying "splinter is a bad dad cuz he says i'm stupid" gets met with "but you are stupid tho." and "splinter is a bad dad because he starves me" gets met with "omg mikey you're not special we're all hungry stop whining"

and now they all want to whine about how bad things were??? AND THE WORST PART OF IT is that a lot of the time Mikey doesn't feel like he as a right to complain- i mean they were all doing way worse than him, right? they're sharing all these horrible stories! Donnie was in mental health hell and constantly getting groomed by ppl, Leo was getting sexually abused constantly and had all these secret rules and expectations, and raph had a hand in both mental health hell and sexual abuse AND he had a ton of responsibility when it came to their houses upkeep. Mikey got ignored and belittled but, like!! so what!! that's nothing compared to them.

but it still hurts :D growing up knowing you were in no uncertain terms that your dad thinks you're untalented and wishes he didn't have to deal with you.

Donnie got to be the weird but ultimately useful prodigy, Raph got to be the strongest, Leo got to be the leader, and Mikey got to be a joke.

[evangelineshifts]

🪷:

Hi , I too am a shifter who is yet to shift successfully. You seem to be the right person to ask this because you have shifted.

You absolutely do not have to answer this if you think so and my intention of asking this is to clear my doubts and absolutely not to be mean or anything else

Today I was going through yt videos for motivation and I came across a 'reacting to this trend' type of video where the 'trend' in discussion was reality shifting ofcourse. It was harsh and the reactor was calling shifters ' teenagers who just found about imagination ' . The comments were all in favour of the video and any 'shifter' comment was replied by saying ' schizophrenia, maladaptive daydreaming, disassociation , lucid dreaming ' . Some people even stated that it was possible for them to touch and think in their lucid dreams hence lucid dreams = reality shifting.

This whole thing made me doubt it. There was even a comment saying that anti shifters do not have to stick their nose in our community if they believe it be false so extremely and one of the replies that made me go hmmm was 'if you can't face a challenge to your belief, Is your belief actually true'.

You are a shifter and i assume you will have a answer to this.

English is not my first language so please forgive any mistakes or stuff that did not make sense or stuff that sounded rude. I do not intend it to be.

You weren’t rude at all my love!! Seeing anti shifters can be so demotivating, I remember when I used to see a anti post and literally feel a drop in my stomach it was so bad 😭😭

I want to start off by saying it’s okay to have doubts! You can still shift with them!!

Shifting isn’t simply just touching and thinking it’s reality. You can feel, think, touch, smell, hear EVERYTHING. it’s real.

In my opinion if you can believe that astral projection, lucid dreaming, manifestation, etc is real then shifting really shouldn’t be such a stretch and all the former mentioned practices are widely accepted around the world. There was a time when people thought that lucid dreaming wasn’t real, they didn’t think that it was possible to be both awake and asleep at the same time. Man made logic. It’s exactly that man made. Man doesn’t know everything, we created explanations and logic as a way to help our brains process such a vast and complex world but we don’t have to be bound to such constraints all of the time.

People will judge what they cant understand, what’s seemingly bigger than them, because it scares them. These reactors and commentators got all of their information from tiktok which is FILLED with misinformation and it was probably during the peak of dracotok which is worse 😭😭. I promise it’s not mental illness, it is not imagination, it’s not lucid dreaming. I have experienced all of those and I’ve also separately experience shifting. They all feel so so different.

We underestimate the human mind and soul. We were made for so much more than this and if you believe that as well then stick to it. You’ll be more peaceful than those antis will ever know.

Hopefully this helps! I ramble a lot I’m sorry it’s just people who put others down for things that bring them joy and isn’t harming anyone really piss me off 😭😭

Love you loads 💋🍓

(Your English is wonderful by the way)

[protectingtulpas]

Hi!

We have a few questions for you!

First, is it possible/normal for tuplas to start responding verbally almost immediately? My tuplas Jax & Jasmine were accidentally created when I was 12, and from what I can tell they started talking almost immediately, but were pretty undefined as people.

Second: Do you have any tips for learning to co-front and how we can learn to switch who's fronting? We have a final goal of functioning multiplicity with mutually beneficial fronting to help with daily life, but aren't sure how to start.

All three of us are interested or curious about learning to co-front/switch fronts & I, the host am mainly the one curious about our first question.

-💜🔗 (we'll probably be back so here's our signoff)

Yo! I'm gonna combine these two asks into a singular one since it's way easier. I'm gonna answer things bottom-up since the second one gives more context 👍

So there's a lotta crossover between paragenic systems and tulpas, which makes a lotta sense because it's really similar in the how you're starting with a non-autonomous concept of a person that then gains autonomy & awareness for themselves. Especially with unintentional tulpas, there's really a thin line between em. From what we know, most paragenic systems call their members paratives: "a member of a system that was originally a para. The development of a para into a parative is unique to neuronarrative plurals, immersive daydreaming plurals, or systems that have Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder." Which means that it's kinda up to you what you feel like; if it seems like your system members used to be paras and then turned into full system members, then you might like paragenic more; but if ya feel like tulpamancy terms and concepts fit wirh you better, then go ahead and use that one! Labels are just things ya use to describe yourselves, is all.

And here's the secret part: you can still use tulpamancy techniques if you're of another origin! A lot of it is writtwn for previously-singlets that don't have any dissociation problems, so you gotta know yourself best when you go into looking into this stuff with a dissociative disorder, but it's still super useful for a lot of people. Fronting/switching/possession guides are the reason I'm able to front at all, plus maybe our non-tulpas too 👍 What helped me a ton when I was first starting was trying partial possession first- the first part of the body I ever controlled was the voice, actually!

For your last question, it's not super unusual for different tulpas to hit different points of development/awareness/personhood at different times. For some people the awareness comes first and then the emotions and then the mindvoice communication, but for others it can be in a buncha different arrangements. My guess with amateur-knowledge on MaDD is: the fact that you daydreamed with your proto-headmates primed them to be able to respond with their mindvoice way easier, while they were still developing a sense of self behind it.

Lots of fronting/possession guides to use:

- Possession Explained

- Possession via Dissociation

- DJFlix on Possession (this one is based in visualization and colors; good for ppl with vivid imaginations)

- Possession: By a Tulpa for Tulpas (hell yeah tulpa made resources)

- Parallel Processing and Switching

- Malfael's guide to switching (in-depth, awesome)

- So you wanna switch? Do you, really? Might be able to help with that. (Written by a DID system)

- Controlled switching (a few short intentional switching methods)

- Sophieinwonderland's ghost switching method (short)

[icekingofhope]

THE SYNNI DRAMA (WARNING VERY DARK TOPICS WILL BE IN THIS READ WITH CAUTION)

so…I don’t like bringing up drama but I wanna bring up something considering synni

if you don’t know synni used to be these popular YouTuber in the 2010s going by scootaloo loves sans (which she made her persona a aged up scootaloo and ship her with sans) now I wanna explain the drama she gone threw to minor it worse one

To start it off there was this character named boy from a fnf mod I don’t much about him as I’m no longer into fnf as the fandom grew toxic but ever since synni found this character she literally BECAME OBSESSED with him to the point of disrespecting the creator

to explain boy is aroace in canon but like synni had sexualized him and the creators other character whitty and the creator had shown a lot discomfort with this and synni claimed she wasn’t “gonna use the ocs anymore” but secretly did and she did something with boy and well…I will get into that later

there is also the birdie (who is later named jack) situation but I don’t know a lot about it and plus birdie was groomed as a child back then and surrounded by a lot of very VERY bad people but I suggest looking into it with your own risk as it has really dark shit in it

another thing is that synni has…thing so to explain obviously she is in the undertale fandom now it was weird her persona was scootaloo aged up but I heard she was a child during that but I am taking that with a grain of salt but as she grew more into undertale more she started to simp for nightmare and error which you would think “now whats wrong with that” well…she had made a au of like nightmare kidnapping and forcing her to be his wife and abusing her same goes with error but mostly with nightmare and even imagining them sexually assaulting her it’s really messed up

she had came to explain its cause of maladaptive daydreaming which I feel off by cause I have it but I don’t imagine being sexually assaulted now don’t say “well just because you have it doesn’t mean it’s not normal for people with that” I understand that but still it’s really strange even considering the other things she has done

(EDIT: I was told she was 16 when this happened)

she had also posted very suggestive art to minors on discord I don’t remember much because I don’t wanna go back and look in the doc cause it honestly made me genuinely uncomfortable and sick but it didn’t made me as sick as the other major stuff

So I’m gonna bring up the comic what comic you may ask well remember I mention about boy? Well she had made this comic about him and nightmare basically she had boy kidnapped nightmare and basically full on sexually assault him many times and treat him like garbage cause she made nightmare treat her like garbage I don’t remember much what happened but it honestly really triggered me especially when I was in the undertale fandom nightmare was a huge comfort character to me as I relate to him and seeing my comfort character being portrayed as a sexual assault victim honestly made me almost cry I luckily had my best friend on the call comforting me while we saw this cause we just discovered the drama on call

now last but not least the biggest piece of drama of them all

so basically she is currently getting into backlash for grooming and sending porn to a 14 year old and also threatening to kill her soon to be ex roommate jack which is so fucking sick I won’t get into much detail into this much but if you wanna know more read the documents

I suggest to read it with caution cause the stuff in it is so fucking disgusting

now what is my opinion?

she is obviously NOT mentally well like she needs to get away from the internet and get arrested not just for others sake but herself she practically destroyed her own life and I’m afraid she is actually gonna do something horrible to jack

Now jack aka birdie may have done wrong but he was just a kid when most of the drama happened I don’t support his actions but he doesn’t deserve to be stuck with this clearly mentally unstable woman

I beg of you to donate for him to move somewhere else and help him start a new life https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-jack-get-to-safety

And as for people who are defending synni (COUGH COUGH JAR AKA JUST A ROBOT COUGH COUGH) your are so fucked if you think grooming a minor and threatening to kill someone is ok

I just hope synni actually seeks professional help or aleast goes to jail not only just for the sake for others safety but for her own cause if she genuinely doesn’t want to be a bad person she should do this final act by stop going on the internet and go to a mental hospital or the police

Anyways to the people reading this I hope I didn’t ruin your day with this post just don’t let this stuff scare you the world maybe cruel and sometimes unbearable but let me tell you something that someone once told me the world only seems bad cause we only hear the bad remember the world can be good you have friends and family to support you even if some rotten apples are here don’t forget there are good ones too

it took me a long time to see that I hope your day is good and you continue to have a amazing life cause you deserve it

thank you for reading lads and lasses

[damnfandomproblems]

735268800396656640 I'd like to add my 2c to this, because I have seen it a lot, and I have some theories.

The rate of people faking (and really believing they have) DID seems to have totally skyrocketed during the pandemic, and mainly among people under 18. Though I've seen it in people as old as 40! And I think there were a combination of factors at play. The first was the ease at which Tiktok videos can be consumed and even come off as suggestible to people. I've seen videos of kids sitting in front of a television reiterating very specific "tics" (better called tic-like behaviours) because they found a famous person with Tourette's and their brains started mirroring it.

The second was the lack of support systems for kids during COVID, which left them to their own devices online, often in spaces designed to garner views without any accountability or control over scientific accuracy. The lack of support systems also meant that during COVID, a lot of kids were trapped at home in abusive environments, and were, actually, being traumatized. They were experiencing real effects of trauma, like dissociation, maladaptive daydreaming, even viciously trying to imagine themselves as certain characters in the hopes if they tried hard enough, it would change reality and they would actually become that character (talking from experience here. I had a rough few years as a kid!). But because of Tiktok, they ran into people who were suggesting if they dissociated in any form, they could have DID. Then they watched another video like this, and another video. After enough times, it just becomes normal, and you start to accept it. There's a similar process to how cults work, they purposefully inundate people with BS over and over until the person just accepts it one day, except in this case it's not so intentional, just a sick accident. When this combines with the real trauma-induced escapism needs, you get kids of 15-16 thinking they have DID, when really it's more like complex PTSD or depersonalization/derealization disorder.

But on top of this, during COVID, a lot of kids didn't have the crucial opportunity to socialize with other people. They don't know about code switching. They don't know how people act, for instance, in a customer service job versus school around their friends, versus at home. Maybe they remember from previous years, but it becomes harder and harder to see it as a tangible reality after a long enough time. So they think the different moods, bubbliness, etc depending on their company isn't just normal behaviour, but actually some kind of pathology. This seems to be "corroborated" by all the videos they see online, all the people they see in servers.

Hence, we now have a young generation of people growing up believing they have an incredibly rare disorder, while simultaneously saying insanity like "I have 2,000 personality states", and somehow getting new personality states every week as a new show comes out, when DID mainly happens if someone experiences severe, EXTREME (unthinkable) ongoing trauma when they are very, very young. Not when someone is 15 or 16. You have lists of hundreds, if not thousands, of labels, and even a wiki made by people like this. And it's all over the place in fandom because, well, fandom is an escape for people. Characters are comforting. It gets very close to the heart of whatever trauma these people have gone through. Of course it's impossible to point this out, because some of those made-up labels include pejoratives that try to equate "being aware that someone is not actually suffering from DID" to being bigoted. It's anti-intellectual and effectively, again like how a cult works, cuts off the people in the group from any unbiased feedback, and it keeps them from healing.

I'm genuinely worried.

This is a response to this previous ask.

[creepychan08]

Yandere Garrett Denali (Breaking Dawn) x Reader

Chapter 1: Meeting the Yandere Male Lead

You sighed, rolling around your bed as you just finished reading another yandere fanfic. It must be nice to have someone obsess over you to the point of being taken against your will to be "protected".

But then and again, that's also fucked up.

" Not like I'll experience those things in real life. Yanderes in reality are actually really scary, I think" You mumbled to yourself. That's another weird thing about you. You liked talking to yourself and creating weird fantasies in your head. People on social media call it Maladaptive daydreaming but who cares, right?

As long as you keep yourself entertained.

Glancing at your window, you noted that it was dark already. Glancing at your phone, it read 7PM. Meh, maybe you can ask permission from your parents to allow you to walk around the park at this time. 

Yes, you're already 26 years old but growing up in an Asian household and just moving here in America for a short vacation means you still need to ask your parents before going outside. They were very strict and overprotective of you after all you were the youngest and a woman at that.

"Hey mom, can I go outside for a while? My room feels stuffy and I think I need a walk."

"Honey, its already dark and-"

"Mom, its just 7PM and I'll just be in the park near our house. I won't be long, just maybe 30 minutes. You can't keep treating me like a child forever." You cut her off and ranted.

She sighed and look at you wearily.

"Fine but bring your pepper spray and taser, okay? You know there's a high crime rate in this country. And call me if someone's bothering you. Remember, don't talk to any strangers!"

Luckily your father was meeting with some old friend since he probably won't allow you if you asked him instead.

"Yes mom, I know. I love you." You kissed her cheek as you happily went out.

Breathing in the night air, you carefully watched for anyone following you. Living with overprotective parents made you a little paranoid yourself and you hated it.

Seeing no one around as you finally approached the park, you sit in the swing. There were streetlights every corner so it helped ease your nerves a bit.

"Okay, calm down self and just enjoy the view" You talked to yourself as you gaze at the stars. Rocking yourself back and forth on the swing, your mind immediately comes up with different scenarios for your favorite character.

Giggling to yourself as you were swept up in your imagination, you suddenly stop when you felt the hairs on the back of your neck suddenly stood up. Something's wrong.

Glancing warily at your surrounding, you caught red eyes peering at you from a distance.

"Shit!" You cursed and immediately bolted out from your place. 

You hated running when you feel scared since it felt as if you'll be chased the moment you do but this time, all your senses were telling you to run which you did.

'Don't look back, don't look back' Your mind chanted when you suddenly feel someone breathing down the back of your neck.

"Shit, fuck!" You shrieked, increasing your speed. Now, you wished you've exercised more as you were lacking in stamina and speed to probably outrun this crazy motherfucker.

Finally reaching your house, you bolted through the gates and quickly locked it before knocking furiously on your door.

"Mom, let me in!" You cried and dared to finally look behind you with your pepper spray ready. Much to your relief and horror, no one was there.

What the fuck?

The air was still and nothing extraordinary moves. Your eyes swept your street and you found nothing at all.

Okay, that's seriously creepy.

"Oh dear, what happened?" Your mom looked at you worriedly and you hurriedly entered your house and locked the door.

After giving a thorough explanation of what just occured, you both made sure the doors were locked and all windows were closed.

"I know, I won't go out again" You said in defeat as your mother gave you a knowing look.

After taking a bath, you went to your bed to read some fanfic so you can forget what happened when you see something move quickly outside your window.

Weird, you thought, gathering your courage and taking a quick peek behind your curtain. There's no one outside.

"Okay, okay fine, maybe its time to go to bed" You sighed, getting under the covers. Unlike the usual, it didn't take long before you drifted to sleep.

Garrett's POV:

I just finished feeding on another unsuspecting prey. Human blood sure taste delicious especially when they struggle.

It was still early so I head around the park to enjoy the night breeze when I saw a young girl sitting on the swings alone. Her face looks blank as she stare at nothing in particular. There was certain serenity around her that piqued my interest. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to observe her for longer than I would have like when it seems as if she sensed me. 

Our eyes made contact for a moment and it seems as if time literally move slower than normal.

'Mine' The first thought that came to my mind. I glance down and saw a red string tied to my pinky connecting to hers before it turns invisible. After centuries of living, I finally found my soulmate. 

Unfortunately, my excitement didn't match hers as I probably comes off as something creepy. Her innocent eyes widen in fear before she take off. 

Of course, her speed is nothing compared to mine and as I chased after her, I relish the sound of her heart pumping vigorously. I can easily reach out to catch her but enjoying this moment, I teasingly breath down her neck and had to hide my chuckle when she cursed and ran even faster. 

So cute!

I had to stop myself from embracing her and taking her right then and there as I realized I scared her too much tonight. Hiding behind a concrete wall, I watched her quickly enter her property and knock at the door, her eyes finally trying to search for her 'stalker'. 

Seeing her distressed face made me suddenly feel guilty. I shouldn't have teased her so much. After thinking of ways on how to make up to her and have a proper introduction, I saw the lights on her room turn off and her bedside lamp open. 

Jumping on the ledge of her window, I try to peek between her curtains to see her one last time before she sleep but I think she sensed me again when she suddenly draw her curtain to gaze outside.

'Too close' If I still have a heart, it would have been beating hard as I barely hid myself the last moment. She can't see me. At least not yet.

'Soon' I promised, closing my eyes as her scent wafts over my senses.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Your POV:

The weather today was gloomy. Dark clouds hang above with the promise of rain and the occasional breeze was chilling you to the bone.

Your favorite kind of weather.

"Ah, this is really nice" You mumble to yourself. It was still late afternoon so you got permission to go to the nearest grocery store to buy ingredients for dinner. 

'Ohh chocolates!' You excitedly pick out a bar of Twix when a hand reach out the same time you did, accidentally enclosing it around yours. The hand was a lot bigger and you tilt your head back to see a really tall stranger in black clothes looking down at you with surprise etch on his face.

'Woah so tall and handsome!' You inwardly squealed.

"Oh sorry!" You smiled at him nervously and motion him to go pick up his chocolate first.

"Ah, no it was my bad. Go ahead." He smiled at you.

Okay, what in the freaking romance movie shit is happening? That's weird cause you swear you were the only one in the aisle that time so since when did he appear?

"Oh no, no, its really okay. Anyway, I still have to pick up something so yeah, goodbye and thanks!" You awkwardly bowed at him and left the scene in a hurry.

'Ah shit, that was awkward' Sighing to yourself, you decided to pick out the ingredients first and then return later when the stranger is gone.

Finally getting out of the store, you carried your things ready to go home when a voice broke your thoughts.

"Hey, fancy seeing you again here" The stranger from before walked up to you casually. In his hands were a bag from what he had bought in the store.

He wore a jeans and shirt topped with black jacket and a necklace was hanging on his neck. Truthfully, he's gorgeous but something seems off about him. 

"Yeah, hi" 

"You got the chocolates, darling?"

Okay, he's suspicious. Why the heck is he talking to you and calling you darling? Is this what they call creeps here in America? Too bad if he's one as he's actually handsome.

"Yeah" You shortly answered and proceeded to ignore him as you start walking. He followed you, walking alongside as he strike up a conversation.

"Uhm sorry but do you need something? I don't know who you are but what you're doing is making me uncomfortable" You wanted to use the 'Leave me alone or I'm going to call the cops line' but you refrain from doing so and instead waited for his response.

"I'm sorry darling, my name is Garrett. Charmed to meet you." He proceeded to take your hand and plant a kiss on the back of it while gazing at you seductively.

If you knew how to blush, you would have been bright red by now but since you do not, your comical expression seemed to amuse him instead.

You never thought in all your life, you'd experience a guy kissing your hand like in those historical films. The slight stubbles on his face tickled your skin and you hurriedly take your hand away, the sensation of his soft lips on your hand imprinted on your mind.

"What the fuck?" You unconciously said out loud. "That's-"

"Romantic?" His teasing smile returned and you gave him a horrendous look.

"No, its creepy! What the heck dude?!" 

"I can hear your heart beating faster than normal" He supplied.

"Yes cause what you did is just, I dunno scary? Leave me alone, bro" You said and proceeded to hightail it out of there.

"No wait, I haven't got your name yet" He touch your shoulder and it felt like an electricity zapped you. He retracted his hand, looking at it weirdly. Ah so he felt it too. Must be static electricity or something.

"I don't know who you are and no, I'm not giving away my name to any stranger. Now please leave me alone or I will have to call the cops" You finally said, giving him a stern look.

Garrett looked down at his mate, threatening him. Her small stature made her look so vulnerable instead. An adorable mouse trying to play tough before a lion, he chuckled at the thought. Finally unable to resist himself, he leaned down, embracing your form as he sniffed your neck in hunger. You smell so divine, so heavenly. He wanted to claim you as soon as possible.

Your squeak in response only made him crave you more. You have absolutely no idea what you're doing to him.

Placing a kiss on your neck, his lips linger as he feel your pulse rate increasing, the flow of blood rushing in your veins and your heart thumping erratically inside your chest.

He pull back and grab both your cheeks to look at you. You pupils were blown wide as you gaze at him in fear.

"You don't understand it yet but you will soon enough. You're mine."

Daintily placing a kiss on your forehead, he gaze at you one last time before turning to walk away from you.

You reach your house in silent contemplation. Still shocked at the turn of events, you numbly greeted your mom who worriedly voiced her concern to your unusual self. Debating on whether to tell her or not, you decided to tell her another time as your mind were still reeling from what happened.

After changing your clothes, you lied in your bed and stare out your open window. Down the street, you saw him staring at you and you shriek in response. The next thing you know he wasn't there at all.

'What the heck, am I hallucinating?' you grimly thought, rubbing your chest to calm yourself down.

"Goodness, that guy sure acts like a real life yandere. I mean I like them in fanfics but geez, I don't need a yandere in real life" You talked to yourself as you closed you windows and curtains seeing as it was soon to be night.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

You carelessly flung your sheets as you prepare for bed. You had just finished showering and doing your bed time routine but still feel annoyed with your parents lecturing you again about your diet.

"Well maybe I want to die early by consuming sweet foods, the heck they care about it" You grumbled to yourself while closing your lamp. You always feel like enclosing yourself in darkness when you let your irritation washed over you. 

It has been sometime probably when your window suddenly slam open.

Sitting up quickly, you watched as two red eyes peer at you before a tall, well build man entered through your window with ease.

You grab the nearest object which is your pillow- fucking useless- to try and defend yourself.

"Who are you?"

"Its me, sweetheart" A soft, velvet-like voice answered.

"Wait, is it you Garrett?" You squinted in the dark before he suddenly lunged at you, pining you to the bed. He nuzzled your neck, inhaling your scent as he sighed blissfully.

Your body stiffened before pushing him off you and rushing to escape from your window. 

Looking back as you run away from your house, you find him suddenly behind you, arms wrap around your waist as he run to who knows where. Wind slapped against your face as you felt dizzy and nauseous.

What's with his super speed? Is he a vampire or something?

Before you knew it, you find yourself in a forest. Thick, overhanging trees that sways with the wind coupled with the sliver of the moon slipping in between the spaces made the woods appear daunting and mysterious in your eyes. Its actually breath taking and the kind of scenery that you love but not in this situation.

"I told you before you're mine. I came back to get you" His eyes looked sincere as he softly cup your cheek with one hand.

"Uhmm, you know this is real life right? We're not in some kind of romance book shit bro. Or wait, are you taking any medications right now?" 

Working as a nurse back in your home country, you've also studied about different kinds of mental disorders and you worried this guy probably have some serious issues.

Garrett scoffed and looked at you in disbelief before laughing it off.

"Come now, YN, don't be like that to your soulmate. I'm hurt."

Seeing as you don't look convinced, he sighed and stare at you seriously.

"Fine. I'll do this just once because you're special to me. I'll give you a head start for 1 minute. If you reach that specific tree-" He pointed at the pine tree with white marking on its trunk a few distance away from you.

"-if you reach that before I do then I promise I'll let you go but if I catch you first, then you're staying with me."

"Uhm for how long?" 

"For eternity, sweetheart" He said, grinning mysteriously.

'Okay fuck that, I'm yeeting it out of here'

Before he can start counting to three, you immediately bolted leaving Garrett staring flabbergasted at his mate who run away without notice. Shaking his head in amusement, he gave her exactly 1 minute before starting the chase.

Running past the leaves and the branches of the trees surrounding you felt like a deja vu. This scene...it happened to you before. Then it hit your self. You had this dream years ago where you were running in a forest and someone was chasing after you. You remember reaching that tree but someone-

"Hey there sweetheart, maybe you should run faster" 

Garrett's taunting voice filled your ears and the adrenaline pumping through your veins increased your stamina and speed. If you could just reach that damn tree, its so close!

Extending your hand to touch your goal, your fingertips almost brushed the rough edges of the branch when you felt his hand rest on your shoulder and his cold presence behind you.

Cold shivers ran down your spine as you felt sweat dotted your forehead. Panting heavily, you feel your heart racing in both fear and anxiety.

"You lose, love" He whispered in your ear and you can't help the gasp that came out your lips. Turning slowly, you lifted your gaze to see him with a dark, contented smile on his face.

His pale face and red eyes filled with satisfaction made you asked the question itching on your mind since the first time you met him.

"What are you?"

"I'm a vampire, darling. And I've come for you as I promised."

[shooting-love-arrows]

Hi,love!

You can call me whatever you would like to! I like how starlight sounds and it goes perfect with my emoji <33

I do speak more than 2 languages; spanish being my first language and then english,I've tried virtual german lessons for a few days before and im planing on actually trying in-person hands-on lessons later on next year. I would really like to go to Germany knowing the language and being able to engage in more learning with native german speakers.

Im doing just fine! A bit worried I might get sick since it got a bit colder (my immune system hates me) but I think I should be fine as long as I keep wearing thick socks and warm jackets :))

Sending u a big (sanitized and germ-free) smooch on the forehead,and one to yan!1950s househusband

Talking about my reason to live,I saw this tiktok about 'getting through school to get a good job so my husband can be a male wife' and i thought that would be so cute for a scenario with hubby!!! I cant help but imagine being high school sweethearts and going to college together but for reader to ultimately end up being the sole provider,getting a good job to spoil and maintain hubby <33

Okokok,i'll leave u to work on ur requests 💗 sending u a warm, tight hug with that big smooch on the forehead 🤭😘💗

-🌟 anon

Dear 🌟 Anon,

Hello starlight! I am relieved you like that nickname. It's nice knowing we've both try to learn German. I admire your dedication and keep my fingers crossed (I hope I'm using this sentence correctly) that you'll succeed in what you're doing 🤞 I with my powers of Tumblr, yanderes, maladaptive daydreaming and music, bless you with a shield from all the sicknesses in the world! 🧙👊 Can you believe it, Yandere! 1950's! Househusband? *turns to look at the said man**he looks back at me and smiles with dreamy look on his face* We've got smooches from our starlight! Yay! *he is sending you lots of heart and germ free kisses* *so do I*

About the scenario:

I believe the 'collage' we're speaking about differs. Yandere! 1950's! Househusband did attend one, however, there he learned about the history of art, savoir-vivre, fashion and so on. Basically, anything essential to being a perfect house husband but not so much academic stuff.

While you did attend the real college with all those hard and (deathly) amount of work. You must get a degree to have a stable job and income so you could provide for yourself and your future family.

But both of you could meet there. Since they were on the same campus, you could bump into each other and bam, he's in love! I believe back in the day things were progressing quickly, so before you knew it, you and him were known as those sweethearts who were destined to be with each other.

This idea is so cute you could easily turn it into request about their first meeting <3 Don't remind me about them...I feel a little guilty for writing them so slowly but at the same time I just have to wait for the idea to strike me in the head so I could pour it out 😔 I need this hug, thank you. You're spoiling me with your affection, starlight 🥰<3 Hope to hear from you soon and have a wonderful day (even if it's not daytime)!

@shooting-love-arrows

[achaotichuman]

The Maladaptive Dreamer

I found this in my drafts, it was my first ACOTAR fanfiction. Be nice to it, I was a mere baby writer. This was also from when Elain was my favorite character.

Elain walked down the stairs of the river house, it was the middle of the night but she couldn’t sleep, everytime she closed her eyes something in her chest would throb 

It wasn’t painful per say, but it gave her enough anxiety that after a few hours of tossing and turning she climbed out of bed and walked down the stairs for some food and water, she had found a book she rather enjoyed in the library where Nesta worked so she planned to read that until the feeling went away or she passed out

In all honesty, she was scared, scared she would be faced with another vision, scared she would lose herself in her dreams, scared she would be shown something she didn’t want to see

She walked into the kitchen, pouring a glass of water and tearing apart a few pieces of the garlic and rosemary bread she had made that morning

Every vision sent her spiralling into memories of those first few weeks in Prythian, those hazy days where she barely ate, slept or felt anything, the only thing that she could actively feel was the heartbeat of her so called ‘mate’, and the only thing she truly looked at were the visions she was sent

It was only when Azriel had told her exactly what she was, exactly what her powers were that she could blink herself out of her haze, a seer, a ‘cauldron-blessed’ seer

She hated that name, that title, she hated thinking of that cursed cauldron that she had been forced into

But she hated a lot of things, and it was just easier to pretend she hated nothing, it was easier to keep herself together by pretending she had always been fae, it was easier to imagine that she was a sweet fae gardener with nothing more to her, to pretend her youngest sister wasn’t the High Lady of the Night Court, to pretend her eldest sister wasn’t the Lady Death, to pretend she was simply Elain, baker and gardener

That had always been the easiest thing to do, to pretend, when their mother was still alive it was easier to pretend she didn’t see the way her mother ignored her, it was easier to pretend she didn’t know exactly what would end up happening to her, being married off to some lord with no care for what she could do, it was easier to pretend when they lost everything, their house, money everything, that everything was fine, that they wouldn’t starve or freeze

Pretending was easier, so she slipped into her daydreams

She would dream and dream and lose herself while she gardened or baked, sometimes when she read she would stop and put herself into the book, help the main character, or become her own main character, sometimes when she gardened she would stop and start pacing, imagining new dreams, coming up with new places to go and new characters to be friends with

Elain walked back into her room, turning on a faelight and setting down her water and bread, before settling down with the covers on her lap and picking up her book

It had become her new obsession, she had read this one three times, it was part of a three book series and followed a woman who was convinced she was a villain, she worked for a Queen and was sent to kidnap a King, who ended up being her mate

It was distracting and that's what she looked for, distractions, keeping out those terrifying visions and pretending this is what she’s always wanted

Pretending, always pretending

***

Bread dough was being kneaded in her hands when Feyre walked into  the kitchen, Elain looked up and smiled at her younger sister “Good morning” she chirped

“Good morning” Feyre yawned “Sleep well”

No she hadn’t, she hadn’t caught a wink of sleep, that pain in her chest not relenting so she read and read and read until dawn peeked on the horizon so she had decided to just get up and at least do something

“Yes, very well, did you?”

Feyre leaned onto the counter, closing her eyes and giving her an amused smile “Nyx isn’t fond of sleeping”

Elain clicked her tongue “Poor little guy”

“Yeah, anyway what are you making?” 

It was all very polite talk, Elain told Feyre what she was making, Elain asked about Nyx’s sleep schedule, they chatted as Feyre made herself breakfast and then disappeared back to her and her mates rooms

Elain couldn’t stand it, everytime she and her sister talked all she could see was that fourteen year old girl covered in snow, bringing back dead rabbits, desperately trying to keep her family alive through the winter

All because Elain was so caught up in her vivid imagination, causing her to completely lose herself to them

Nesta had her problems, she had apologised, she had talked and resolved them with Feyre, even saving their youngest sister's life during her birth, yet Elain… Elain had apologised, yet she really hadn’t done anything good for her sister

She had taken up space in their home, had burdened them with herself after being lost in her own hazes, had worried her sisters and encroached on the family they had created 

A lump appeared in her throat, she shoved it down, as she did her mind went soft at the edges, and she lost herself in the repetitive movements of her hands kneading the dough

***

Dinner took place in the house of wind that night, Elain brought the bread she had made, and settled into her seat next to Nesta

When she looked across the table she saw Azriel, his shadows creating a shield around him, his eyes were slightly hazy, and he was completely still

It was similar to when she lost herself in daydreams for countless hours, she turned away from him

That almost kiss with the Shadowsinger appeared in her mind, she had known he was down there, had seen the gift he was going to place down, and knew who it was for and what it was, her sight had blacked out for a moment and she had been shown a vision of that gift

So she had ventured down, it was a simple in the moment haze of arousal that had sent her down, whilst Azriel seemed to be a nice person, and she was grateful for his helping her sister, he just… wasn’t all there, just like she wasn’t, she had no true stable feelings for him and she suspected he had none for her, that kiss may have ended in her being in his bed but she doubted it would go deeper than just sex, doubted it would end in what Feyre or Nesta had with their mates

Feyre was bouncing Nyx on her knee and Rhysand had an arm around her waist whilst he laughed with Cassian, Nesta had her thigh pressed against Cassians, and Cassian’s large hand was on her thigh, Mor was speaking with Amren, her smile big and even as terrifying as Amren was even she was smiling at Mor, overall everyone was in jovial mood

She treasured it, the peace that was allowed to her, her mind began to slip into its foggy state, easier to pretend she reminded herself, easier to pretend that the war was the last, and that Koisechi wasn’t rising quickly, easier to pretend that they weren’t at risk of losing everything

Easier, this was easier

She let her eyes flutter closed, and imagined she was looking out of a castle seeing a massive garden below and she imagined a male with slitted pupils, scales that shimmered green and tightly tucked in wings stood beside her, one of the characters in her book, she imagined she spoke with him then moved further down the castle, she imagined she met the protagonist, she imagined she spoke with other characters, she created new ones, and everything was right in her little world

Until a voice spoke to her “Elain?” It was Nesta speaking

Elain perked up immediately giving her sister a bright smile “Yes? Sorry I got lost for a moment”

Nesta nodded slowly, giving her a small smile, merely a tilt of her lips, but concern shone in her eyes, and then Elain was met with the fact that everyone had gone silent and was staring at her 

Rhysand cleared his throat and spoke, Nesta shooting him a dirty look but letting him speak “We were just talking about the next High-Lord meeting, would you like to accompany us?”

Elain blinked, of course, she had heard talk of the high lord meeting the past few weeks, last time she had not attended had been still lost in her visions and dreams, reality had warped into meaningless nothing and even the talk of war couldn’t snap her out of it, but this time round…

She blinked at her him, inhaling slowly, Feyre quickly said “You don’t have to make a decision right now, the meeting will take place next week”

Elain nodded to Feyre, smiling softly “I will consider it”

Mor clasped her hands “amazing, now I do remember desert being promised”

And just like that laughter and chatter returned to the table, Elain breathed a silent sigh of relief, allowing her sight to once again go hazy and to slip into the crevices of her mind

***

It was beautiful was her first thought, Elain spun in front of the mirror, examining the dress she was wearing

She had decided that morning to go out into Velaris, whilst she passed through the different shops, occasionally walking into shops to scour through them then she had stumbled upon a clothing store hidden away in the corner, and when she looked through the window she had seen the most beautiful dress she had ever laid eyes upon

It was a lilac colour, with pale purple and blue flowers made of soft fabric that were sewn onto the skirt of the dress they wound up the side of it in a beautiful soft garden like way, the skirt itself was covered in a soft chiffon, the bodice was embroidered with different flowers, and the sleeves were sheer lilac chiffon puffs that were off the shoulder

It looked far better on her than the black of the Night Court, darkness had never suited her, she had always been one for the sun, a person to get her hands dirty in the mud or take walks the rain, but that pure blackness that she had to wear when being in the Hewn City, she hated that

She quickly got out of the dress and into her clothes and brought the dress to the counter “How much for this one?” she asked

The seller, a female with delicate sheer wings and pale blue skin, looked at the dress “Three hundred gold marks”

Elain swallowed, a lot of money for one dress, but… she didn’t often get things, the most she spent money on was seeds for her garden and tools, and she often got her seeds from the plants she had grown and took good care of her tools so she didn’t have to replace them often, and it was just one dress

“I’ll take it, please send the bill to the Night Court,” she said, the little faery’s eyes widened slightly, then she bowed her head

“Yes of course, my Lady” she said, Elain murmured her thanks as the faery packed up the dress in a bag

When Elain went home that night, she placed the bag on her bed and a thought occurred to her

She had nowhere to wear this dress

She didn’t like going to Rita’s where the rest of the inner circle often spent their nights, she obviously couldn’t wear a dress this nice in the gardens, and if she were to be representing the Night Court in any way she would have to wear black

Elain groaned, maybe she could return it, she opened up the dress again, it was just so beautiful, and there weren’t any others in the store so she sure once it was bought by someone else it would be gone, so she decided to just neatly hang it up in her closet and pray to the mother for a chance to wear it

***

“I’ll go to the High Lord’s meeting” Elain said, her voice firm, she saw the tenseness in Nesta’s shoulders and the concern flash in her eyes and Elain knew that if she wasn’t firm with her decision Nesta would try and make her back down

Elain knew it was out of her sister’s care, that her eldest sister was deathly afraid of losing her, but she was a part of this Court too, she wasn’t made of glass, she stabbed Hybern for the Mother’s sake, she could handle a few grown males throwing tantrums and calling it war planning

Rhysand narrowed his violet eyes at her, she felt very much on display in his study, everyone staring at her like she had grown two heads, Feyre placed a hand on her mates arm, both their eyes went hazy and Elain guessed they were speaking mind-to-mind, it freaked her out when they did that, having some private conversion about the mother knows what through Rhysand’s dark magic

Feyre blinked, eyes clearing up, she smiled at her, Elain hated it, hated that pitting smile, she knew what it meant ‘oh this innocent girl doesn’t even know what she's in for’ 

Feyre, in personality, was every bit like their father, but in looks? She was her mothers daughter, and that smile, that damning smile, that was every inch their mother.

She hated their mother.

“Are you sure Elain?” Feyre asked and Elain decided she hated that tone even more, so gentle and soft like Elain was a wild animal that would startle at a too loud breath. 

They were the ones who invited her, why were they trying to get her to back down?

“Yes, I am certain” Elain stated, voice firm but still holding the usual gentleness she carried

Rhysand tipped his head forward slightly “Alright then, we leave tomorrow morning for the Spring Court”

Elain blinked “Spring Court?” last she had heard of it, it was in ruins after its negligent High Lord that Feyre had once called a ‘lover’ had left it for the wolves

Still Rhysand nodded “It seems Tamlin remembered he has feet and has gotten off his ass to do things for his Court”

Nesta snickered under her breath, which didn’t surprise Elain, despite Nesta and Rhysand’s hatred of each other, their both shared a mutual hatred of Tamlin and Elain guessed that one saying was correct, the enemy of my enemy is my friend

Still, Feyre was joining them for the meeting right? Would she even be able to stomach going to that house? “Feyre, are you still… joining the meeting?”

Feyre was still for a moment then she nodded quickly “I am High Lady I need to make an appearance at these meetings, no matter where they take place”

Elain nodded in understanding, Rhysand then spoke “Then it's settled, Elain will be joining us, Amren will remain behind to watch over Nyx and the Court, now everyone get plenty of rest, we’ll need it” Rhysand mumbled the last part, rubbing his temple like he could already feel the headache that everyone was bound to have tomorrow

***

The Spring Court was… the only word for it was beautiful, full of blooming flowers, it smelled of nectar and pollen,  even the grass seemed greener than anywhere else

There was a sneeze from behind her, followed by multiple sneezes and sniffling, Elain turned to see Cassian rubbing his nose and Nesta stifling a laugh “Damned allergies” Cassian mumbled angrily

Elain smiled, then turned back to the house that was now before them

She had heard talk of the ruined house, how Tamlin had just left it to rot, but the one before her was spectacular, the white walls were pristine, every bush was well cut, roses of every colour sprang from flowing vines

Elain glanced at Feyre, her face was tight and her shoulders tense, Rhysand wrapped an arm around her waist and normally Elain would have seen that calm her but today Feyre remained tense. Elain had a strange urge to hold her sister's hand. But she forced it down, Feyre was strong, she didn’t need Elain’s help.

“Let's get this over with” Elain heard her youngest sister murmur

And they ventured through those huge doors

When they entered Elain was greeted with  the sight of polished tiles and sparkling furniture, however the house seemed empty, not a servant or maid to be seen

Rhysand and Feyre walked through first, Rhysand’s wing curling around her slightly, acting like a sort of shield

Elain and the others followed suit and they made their way down a hallway, no doubt Rhysand already knew exactly where everything was, and wouldn’t need an escort to find the place of the meeting. But Elain couldn’t help but wonder why no one had greeted them, it seemed strange for a place seeming so magnificent to not have servants galore

Finally they paused before another set of large doors, Rhysand turned his head to Feyre, no doubt talking to her in their own silent way, and then they opened the doors

When they did, Elain saw every High Lord in Prythian gathered around a table, Beron and his sons and wife sat beside him Eris being at his right, Tarquin and Cressidia sat together next to Theasan and his husband, Kallias and Vivviane sat together at the far end of the table, Helion sat near the Winter Court High Lord

Tamlin was at the head of the table… and on his right was a female

The female… she was unlike anyone Elain had ever seen

She had short red curly hair that was cut short, and shaved on the sides, she had deep dark skin littered all over with freckles, tattoos winded up her arms, there was some constellation on her neck as well, she wore a leather tunic with weapons strapped in every possible place and a heavy black coat was draped over the back of her chair

And her eyes, they flicked over Feyre and Rhysand then found her, one was a green that seemed to glow and the other eyes was a deep rich brown

She seemed to bore into her soul, her gaze was unrelenting so Elain looked away, she saw Feyre's face and was suddenly very worried for her sister, her face had gone white and her pupils were wide blown, a hand on her arm from Rhysand seemed to bring her back to reality, Rhysand led her to the empty seats, Elain and the others quickly followed seat, only Cassain and Azriel remained standing, though she could see that Cassian was trying his best to fight against his allergies 

“I see you have your Court in order again, Tamlin” Rhysand purred

Elain was expecting the High Lord of spring to lash out in the way she had heard but the High Lord just remained impassive to Rhysand’s attempt at a reaction

The only indication of the High Lord of Spring a annoyance was a twitch of his eyebrow, however he just nodded to the seats closest to the door

Strange, giving them the seats closer to the exit, as if he were accommodating for Feyre

Perhaps a trick? 

Elain sat down next to Nesta and Cassian, Feyre and Rhysand took the seats at the ends of the table, facing Tamlin but the closest to the exit

“What was your reasoning for calling this meeting, Tamlin?” Rhysand asked

Elain nearly snapped her neck towards Rhysand, she had been under the impression the High Lord of Night had called the meeting not Spring

Oh this was about to get interesting she just knew it

There was a beat of silence and all eyes were on the High Lord of Spring, Elain swears there was a slight tilt of his lips, as if there was something here they didn’t know about

A twinge of fear sprang up in here, a quick glance to her sister confirmed that she too felt something off, the small ounce of fear shining on her eyes revealing that

“You’ll have to speak to Delilah about that” was all the High Lord said

Everyone blinked, but the strange female shifted, crossing one leg over the other and suddenly all attention was on her

“Who are you?” Someone-Beron asked, both in a scoffing and confused manner

The strange female-Delilah’s lips curled up into a cruel smile, and when she spoke, the room went cold, Elain didn't recognize her thick accent “Well your people tend to refer to me as a…” she mumbled something in a different language, Elain looked over at Rhysand who was blinking in confusion. Then the female spoke in their language again, “A ‘Death God’ correct.”

The room went still as death, which Elain thought was very fitting, considering what the female had revealed herself to be.

I am not planning on finishing this, but I think it's fun to look back on what I first wrote.

[creature-wizard]

We are on the same page in regards to shifting. I did try it as well and I actually managed to probably achieve what they call 'shifting '. I don't know how but I got it by the 1st try. Now about my experience... it wasn't anything crazy as these people report; that they saw and experienced everything clearly, that they could be physically harmed and other stuff. Nothing was crystal clear to me, it was hard to sometimes put stuff and characters into place, I was actually stopping and the action stopped because I had no idea what to imagine next. I guess this can be described as a deep meditation state where I used visualisation.

The techniques to me sound highly similar to those used for astral projection and lucid dreaming. While entering my ' DR' I wasn't actually asleep, so maybe those who experience high levels of ' authenticity ' I their Dr are actually sleeping.

Basically what I felt was just being floaty and Basically going to the next level of daydreaming. I had suffered from maladaptive daydreaming for a long time so creating scenarios and acting out in them in my mind is easy, this time it was just the added state of floating.

So yeah nothing fancy, this is probably just self hypnosis or forcing your brain to access some other type of imaginative behaviour, you can't transfer your consciousness lmao.

The techniques are pretty much the same, yeah! And yes, I do suspect a lot of people are actually just sleeping. Or else they're really good at visualizing while in a deep trance.

Also, your experiences with your difficulty visualizing sound very similar to what happens when I try to visualize stuff in a trace. I dunno if it's related to some degree, or if it's a case of aphantasia, or both, but it's a thing. I actually found that describing things manually to myself did make it a little easier to visualize stuff, but like, holy shit this stuff does not come to me easily and that's not something I can fix with affirmations!

[jollyreginaldrancher]

Yellowjackets S2 e7 thoughts and stuff

Things are reaching a new low

It looks like they're snowed in.

I guess they're all gonna be pooping in the pee bucket now.

Shauna's still holding onto her child 😭

Is Shauna abrasive because of everything that happened or because she's worried they'll try to eat the baby?

The snow took Jackie from her and now she has to put her baby in the snow to protect it and I am not okay.

The credits are different this time. I never watch them but from the bits I've caught, they are definitely different this time.

The audio is different, lacking its usual gritty guitar riffs in the beginning, and layering the vocals over the vocals. Things are ramping up and we are really reaching the point of no return.

VAN BROUGHT THE TITTY PEN WITH HER. SHE KEPT THR TITTY PEN ON HER PERSONS THIS WHOLE TIME!

Tai you did not side-eye Van when Nat accused you all of needing help. You're the one eating puppies, my friend.

Though Van is shut tighter than a clam shell or a nun's legs, Taissa isn't Miss open book either.

Teen Van is really looking for the meaning of life. Ma'am you have a hot girlfriend during the cold winter. Keeping her warm is your purpose.

"I need to know why I'm still alive"

Because we love you, that's why. Next question.

Van for sure picked forage because Misty picked it. The pettiness 😅

Fuck Lottie specifically for the chore Shauna got

Ben is blurring the lines between the real world and his maladaptive daydreaming dimension

Bro's own fantasy bf dumped him.

He's gonna kill himself, isn't he?

Oh, Lottie is just straight up trying to torture the gals. She tried to put Misty in a full-on deathtrap. Run, Misty, run!

Maybe Gen is the pit-girl. Also thanks to Akilah for finally letting us know what at least one of the other girls is called.

Nah fuck Mari, I hope she IS the pit girl or that she dies because how dare you call my unhinged daughter psychotic? And how dare you insinuate my accidental murderer of a child is a killer?

Yas, Akilah! Thank you for side-eyeing Mari for me. Fuck you Mari.

Oh they're fully culting now.

I love how they're rationalising maybe eating the dead girl. Misty's not happy about it but I'm cracking up. Imagine you get cast in this and the one fucking time you get any screentime it's as a goon, rationalising potentially eating a corpse.

I'm genuinely surprised we haven't jumped back to the present. I can't remember the last time we stayed in one setting for this long.

Tai: I think my shadow-self is gone 🥹

Lottie: it better not be. That thing had gps.

Tai was graffiting.

Still not over Tai walking around in Van's clothes all season.

Tai: the other me is threatening my family

Lottie: that's your inner you telling you to run away with Van

Everyone keeps dumping on Misty for what though? They're just as bad 😭 let she among you who has not accidentally killed a friend or lover cast the first stone.

Anyway back to the 'fuck off Mari' days

Say what you want but Misty is a good friend who won't let her friends get eaten.

And now Shauna's mourning Jackie again but she's really gone and Shauna has to get through this in her own 😭😭

Fuck Todd and fuck Lottie for making Shauna think she had to kill the goat/the goat was gonna die.

I just want to hug Shauna 😭😭😭

Now it's Misty's turn to get tortured 🥺

Misty's guard is so persistent she even wears her glasses in a sensory deprivation tank.

I'm gonna pretend not to see the Morse code love notes and other indicators of Misty vibing with that guy and persevere with my MistyNat headcanon.

I still don't like or trust that guy hitting on Misty.

Did Ben bury Crystal? Or is Misty looking in the wrong place? Or was Crystal eaten by wolves?

I still think he's gonna kill himself or something.

He really looked Misty in the face and asked her to push him. He really did that. What a fucking asshole. Like not bad enough he wants to kill himself, he wants to do it in front of Misty and even wants her to kill him herself?!

What a fucking asshole.

Poor Misty

She doesn't deserve that. She doesn't deserve any of that. She's just a dumb kid trying to save everybody.

Oh fuck

Oh no

Oh fuck

No no no

No

No

Van can't have cancer

She can't have months to live

This isn't happening

LOTTIE DO YOUR FUCKING WILDRENESS MAGIC AND MAKE IT NOT SO

Tai took her ring off she was accepting shit and then Van announced this. No. No, i don't accept this reality.

I can't even get excited about them kissing and stuff anymore 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I can't even be happy that I was right about Van being sick because I didn't want her to be sick. Or at least I didn't want her to be this sick 😩

Lottie's therapy sessions are 100% in her head. I am positive.

I fucking knew it.

Van sharing her booze with Misty 🥹

They talk so badly about her that I find it genuinely surprising that they actually treat her like a human being, and even extend the odd olive branch her way.

I definitely notice a shift within Nat. The clothes, the attitude. She seems way more chill now.

What's interesting is that Lottie seems to have shifted too. Like almost like they swapped clothes and personalities in a way. Not completely but they definitely had an effect on each other.

Just like the last two days or so seem to have completely changed Taissa and probably Van too. I really hope we see more of Van pre-Tai in the present day just as a baseline.

But yeah as sweet as this reunion is I am stressed as fuck because you just know bad shit is gonna happen and this won't last. Like with Shauna's happy dream about the baby, you just know they're going to wake up to death in the morning.

But Florence and the machine is playing (I think) and the gals are pals and having fun and we're seeing them interact in different groups for once and it's so heartwarming and sweet and I love them so much 🥹

I desperately wanna know what Misty was gonna say about that summer

Tai is going through those stages of grief. She's at denial. Van is at anger and she does NOT want to talk about it 😭

Van and Shauna dancing 🥰 you usually just see Shauna interact with Taissa but it makes sense that she would have been close to Van too. I mean next to Tai, she was the only other girl she called out to in her dream, when the baby was missing.

Poor Misty, dancing on her own though 🥺

I feel so bad for Misty. Like even when she's included she's not included in shit. That feels so rough.

Did Shauna just deck her? What the fuck? She blames Misty for the baby? And she bit Van? Great, now Van's gonna have an infection to content with cause. I doubt they have toothpaste.

Lottie really just volunteered to be her punching bag 😮

These girls were really meant to die, huh?

Like this is some final destination shit. No one will be standing by the end of it.

Holly fuck

And they're calling Misty a murderer and stuff but look at Shauna go.

Geez

Is Lottie a ghost right now? Cause Shauna fucked her up and I wouldn't be surprised if she fucking died just then.

Honestly surprised she had that much energy. I don't have that much energy on a good day, let alone after months of starvation.

Also when they get back they ought to build a shrine to Misty for keeping their asses alive through all of this. Ben, Shauna and Lottie especially. Van too though. Actually Van shouldn't pray to any god since she is clearly stronger than all of them combined.

And they found that body and now the shoes are starting to drop. Surely they won't go anywhere with this. It's not like they'll mess up the status quo, right? Right?

[ash-n-dynamite]

Introduction

This blog is for me, Ashe, and I plan on using it for whatever I want. It may or may not involve plural related things and it won't be only Overwatch either. It's just my space. I don't owe anybody an introduction or history, but my systemmate wants to put this down on paper for anyone who ends up interacting with my blog. Please feel free to block if something about our intro rubs you the wrong way. I certainly won't be bothered by it. I'm not going to tag this and it will be locked. I'm not looking for discourse from either side, and I am not going to share our official medical history. Will we moan and groan about minor ailments and stress? Sure. But patient confidentiality is a thing and it's for a good reason. Random strangers on the web don't need to know that kind of detail about a person to begin with. Even talking about being a system or mentioning trauma with people I don't know is already too personal in my opinion. We will be using 'we' for the rest of this introduction even if most of it applies to Kit alone.

We've always had a pretty active imagination, maladaptive daydreaming was a constant thing, and dissociation became extremely notable in late highschool and college. There seems to be a lot of overlap for ADHD and trauma symptoms, so it's hard to say if what we experienced was from one, the other, or even both. Either way, maladaptive daydreaming and talking with creatures or characters wasn't something that stopped as we aged. Muses we would call them, headmates who would come and go with our hyperfixations, would stick around and talk, or even get to a point that we would make small life changes to accommodate their taste and interest. We never saw them as being part of us. They were always an individual and would always push back if we tried to force them to do or say something they didn't agree with. Of course there was some creative collaboration between them and ourself so it was never one sided. If they liked something enough they went with it. We didn't know that much about systems or DID, and I think the most we knew came from a member of the community we hung around with, and came to understand it meant more than one person in a body. We didn't consider them on the same level as our headmates. Alters were so much more official and serious than the silly little things we were going through, surely. Headmates as we knew them at the time were mental constructs, and it didn't feel like it was similar enough to an alter so we didn't look further into it. Calling the guys in our head headmates or muses felt comfortable and just right. Wasn't much thought or weight put behind it. We just accepted the experience and moved forward.

So that's our experiences with random headmates who would come around with hyperfixations. Now on to the more prominent and consistent relationships we have had with other individuals in our head. Daemons. A daemon is most often seen as being the other half of your internal dialogue, or your inner self. That nagging voice you get when you are doing something you shouldn't or avoiding something you should be doing. The one getting a song stuck in your head or who responds back when you ask yourself a question. They are you but they are also themselves. That is where it can get complicated. We will have known our first daemon for 20 years as of writing this. Before stepping into the plural community, and after, we never considered ourself plural just because we have a daemon. Yes they are individuals with their own likes, dislikes, and good luck getting them to do something they don't want to do, but our daemons are still us. We are a single unit. All we've done is develop a very advance method of self-talk. Which from what we've seen is beneficial and even encouraged by therapist, coaches, self-help, and self-improvement authors. This has been a consistent healthy, and positive way of getting through life. It did not however stop our daydreaming, dissociation, or speaking with headmates.

Now comes a point in our life where things got messy. We will call this the "Building Stress" period. During this time our daemons started to multiply. Similar to how systems can gain new members when things become stressful. So we went from having only a single daemon for more than half our life to 5 in the course of 4 years. At the time we didn't think much of it but looking back it most certainly was caused by the Building Stress. One of our old headmates had also decided to reappear. She had been around since we were 10 and while only appearing sporadically during our life we decided to give her more attention this time around. I didn't see her as an alter and viewed her as a mental construct that deserved the chance to be around permanently in our life since she was still here after all that time. So we called her a tulpa since it felt like it was the closest thing that matched what we were doing. We don't know how accurate that was, but it was a comfortable enough label since she was something we loosely had created as a child.

Now we are getting closer to the climax of the all that Building Stress. We had gained a new hyperfixation on the game Overwatch and started to lose ourself to daydreaming probably far more than we should have. In these daydreams we would often interact with Ashe and over the course of a year, maybe, we noticed a lot more intrusive thoughts revolving around Ashe and we tried to ignore them. They weren't bad thoughts, but like, a headmate trying to come around kind of thoughts. We were already way too full with people so we really didn't want another "muse" in. But finally we caved and figured if she stuck around then she stuck around or if she left then she'd be like all the other headmates we've had after a hyperfixation ended. Maybe that's how it was suppose to go but then the Building Stress turned into the BIG STRESS.

Summary of the outcome of that disaster is every single daemon and headmate we had went silent, except for Ashe. Ashe not only remained but became an actual physical and mental influence. She could front (even if terribly, but it was something no other headmate had accomplished prior), could help regulate emotions, and hell she put into motion the biggest thing in our life that we don't think we'd have ever managed to do on our own. Ashe may not be the "perfect" model of alter or headmate or whatever you want to call her, but she saved our life. So. She's real as real can get. Over a year later Ashe is more prominent than ever, we co-front almost constantly, and are so well synched that whatever we may be now it's at least healthy. Also two of our daemons have managed to return!

We don't like discourse. There are fakers on both sides of the trauma and endo communities and honestly we wish people were more open to helping rather than attacking, especially since so many of you are so young. But the internet will never change and we have seen this before in other communities far too often and we are getting too old for that shit. We will end this by saying while we do have traumas (who doesn't) we don't see ours being anything nearly as horrible as many people have experienced in their lives. We think this in itself is a big issue that we will be working on but that's besides the point. Calling our traumas trauma feels like a slap to the face to those people. But they are still traumas. Calling ourself a traumagenic system, for us personally, feels like a disservice to other systems with far heavier baggage. Perhaps that same feeling is shared by others out there who are using the endogenic label, or any of the system labels, instead of traumagenic.

We definitely see ourself as a system but we have stopped officially claiming any "origin" label, especially after it dawned on us there had been a lot more going on through our life than we realized. So trauma or endo? Doesn't matter in the end. We are a mixed fucking bag. The only thing that really matters to us is that we treat people how we want to be treated. Doesn't matter if you align with our beliefs or not.