#no wonder i am so unhinged

[millenniallust4death]

My brother died while I was in school during the pandemic. Zero fucks given about meeting my assignment deadlines.

Me emailing my data science profs:

My assignment is going to be late because my brother dropped dead of Covid and I need to spring him from the morgue. My brother also hoarded over 2,000 pounds of vintage calculators in his apartment so I need to deal with that too. It feels like a lot. Thanks.

My profs: Uh.

being a student during peak pandemic was so fucking surreal like. "it's not an excuse to fall behind" I cannot stress enough to you how much A Worldwide Plague Upending Life As We Know It is literally one of The Top Three Reasons to fall behind

[exmotranny]

the green carpet scratches at your pink heels. bile rises in your throat.

they talk about womanhood- but it’s not quite right. there is the pink and compliments and talk of boys

i am a beloved daughter

but there is also something else. it digs at your flesh, it feasts on your skin. your mother motions at your chest, bigger than hers and you're not even done growing yet! how lucky.

of heavenly parents

you pray to a man every night, finish it in another’s name. on your knees. you were sent a shady link as a kid. the woman on her knees, tears streaming out of her eyes, i don't want this, she said

with a divine nature and eternal destiny

blood on the inside of your underwear. you were told this meant you were a woman now. you were ten years old. what the fuck did you know about being a woman? your mom said you weren’t allowed to touch between your legs, but it's normal to want to. you didn't know what that meant, either.

as a disciple of jesus christ,

you wanted to be desired. you daydreamed of being the trophy for boys around you, of claiming that role one day as a wife. you came from a long line of women married young. you don’t know their names, but you were taught about their husbands in church.

i strive to become like him.

pressing your breasts down as much as possible, trying to give the illusion of a flat chest. badly cropped jpgs of jesus photoshopped to have top surgery scars are the secret currency you pay to get past the hours of church. you hold them like diamonds.

i seek and act upon personal revelation

you thought god was talking to you. you almost threw away everything you owned. you thought you were a prophet. total fuckin’ ego death! holy shit! god speaks through me!

and minister to others in his holy name

and then the next morning. when your faith crashed, when moroni abandoned you, did it feel unreal to you too, joseph?

i will stand as a witness of god

oh god, no. please. i don’t know what’s real anymore.

at all times

leg hair peeking from under your pretty sunday dress. they all stare. you ignore them and open up to D&C 132.

and in all things

emma, did you love him to the end? i don’t think you wanted him. did you watch as he married a 14 year old? did you tell him you burned the commandment? did you cry when he died for the church that he loved more than he loved you?

and in all places.

blood on the floor of carthage jail. this martyr will be remembered forever. do they talk about you, emma? or are you just joseph’s wife?

as i strive to qualify for exaltation,

when i marry, my husband will be a god, and i shall cleave onto him. when i marry, i will go to his universe and bear more of his children.

i cherish the gift of repentance

heads bowed low as the sacrament is passed. my hands clutch onto the bottom of my skirt. pleasure outside celestial marriage is forbidden. i apologize for loving the wrong way.

and seek to improve each day

i tried to kill myself, last time i got home from girl’s camp. i got home and cried and found the pills and shoved them into my mouth until i cried more and more until i was gagging. i hunched over the toilet. my hands on the grimy floor.

with faith, i will

forced to sing in front of the congregation. my head spun from anxiety. my stomach turned with nausea.

strengthen my home and family,

loving wife beautiful kids loyal husband church once a week work weekdays weekend mom monthly round on the business end of his cock forever and the vomit threatens to make an appearance.

make and keep sacred covenants,

an old man is in a room alone with me. he asks me if i masturbate.

and receive the ordinances and blessings

i tell the man no. i receive a card so i can be ordained.

of the holy temple.

that's just how it goes, isn't it?

all around are paintings of god and jesus. we learned about heavenly mother. why don’t i see her in paintings? did god have plural marriages? did heavenly mother make us? why don’t we pray to her? did she watch god marry a 14 year old? did she cover her eyes? when she saw blood on her underwear, was she told she was a woman? did she touch between her legs? did she ever believe herself better than god? does she cry when she cant talk to us? why do i cry? was heavenly mother scared of singing in public and did she press her chest flat and did she cry when god forced himself into her mouth? did she burn his doctrine too?

i am given flowers on mother’s day. i will be one eventually, after all. and i vomit in the church bathroom quietly like the perfect woman i am supposed to be.

[ghostie-gengar]

smollusk is both a joy and a nightmare to write

the uwu talk is simultaneously hilarious and painful

[chaos-bringer-13]

My brain just hit an old hyperfixation (is this what it's called? I hope I used the word right) and oh dear am I losing my mind now. I need to write a story I think. About this one old guy. He's unhinged. There's so much information about him and yet not enough. I want to explore his character so much. He's definitely a criminal - at least he was one - and I'm 95% sure he can do actual real magic, and he's a musician and an artist and an actor and a magician and a philosopher and a traveler and a conman and so much more and also I think he's some kind of immortal. Maybe he just has a VERY long life. It's strongly implied he was a pirate at some point of his life. He started a cult by accident several times. My conspiracy theories about him include him being a secret god.

He's also a freaking round blue raven. Someone save me from my mind.

[nerevar-quote-and-star]

Trying to transliterate Leara's name into Quenya, and it somehow becomes, uh,

Lëarra

Which basically means "You Sealion!"

And I'm just, "Oh yes, this is That Sealion Woman, and she can breathe fire, as all sealions do."

If Leara, for any reason at all, needed an actual Quenya or Sindarin name for any fun Elvish shenanigans, we'll just use Calairie/Calearil, which is "Light of the Sea" in Quenya and Sindarin, and what Leara actually means.

[nichiperi]

POV: I am showing you a picture of a cool rainbow I saw :3

It didn't even rain!! It was really neat!!! :D

[snezus-christ-risen]

Keeping in mind that it doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll be finished today or even anytime soon 🫠

[bookshelfpassageway]

the piklopedia is making me want pikmin spinoff games where it's just like. focused on the natural lives of the pikmin enemies. i want those creature in a zoo/pet sim. I want to breed and raise Fancy Bulborbs and take them to Fancy Bulborb shows and decorate their enclosure with cute and enriching objects as i raise up a simulated colony of them and watch them play out googly eyed meerkat manor. I want to raise a breadbug like its a nintendog. i want pokemon snap but i get to see a snagret preening. i want a nature documentary about PNF 404 as narrated by david attenborough. Is that so much to ask

[fablexdreams]

Reaver's "Her" and the death of Oakvale really stay haunting the narrative of Reaver's story, huh? It probably drives him mad, huh? Hate that for him. Love that for them-

[aroaessidhe]

2024 reads / storygraph

The Girl In Question

YA thriller, Sequel to The Girl’s I’ve Been

a girl who was raised as a con artist is reconnecting with her older sister and trying to live a normal life after high school ends, while she can

but her murderous stepfather is free from prison, and she knows it’s only a matter of time before he comes for her

along with her girlfriend, best friend, his girlfriend, and dog, she plans a 10 day trip into the wilderness to a fire lookout to enjoy the summer. But a few days in her stepfather comes for her and kidnaps one of them, and they’ll have to do whatever they can to stay alive

twisty & nonlinear

[wagairah-wagairah]

WHY WAS I NOT AWARE THAT AMITABH BACHCHAN HAS A TUMBLR ACCOUNT!!??

[justinefrischmanngf]

waiting for a call from him that might not come bc i know he’s busy but i hope it does ! going to ask him soon if he wants to see me the weekend i get back and it’s sweet to know that the answer is yes regardless of whether or not it’s possible !!!!

[quietlyblooms]

guess who stayed up until 2 like a mad woman and just barely got everything she wrote into the queue before work?? this gal!!

[whimsicalcotton]

timeloop episode of phineas and ferb my beloved

[whatever-you-can-give-me]

sometimes i'm like "jesus christ why has online fandom gotten so much worse over the last few years, this is insane" and then i remember tiktok exists and fandom exists there and i feel woozy.

[britneyshakespeare]

around 6 o'clock (east coast u.s. standard time) some guy from fucking australia, with no mutual friends obviously, friend- and message-requested me on facebook saying he hoped i didn't mind the add, but "you came up in my recommended and are the cutest ginger i've ever seen." and it like literally gave me chills because holy hellllll, how the FUCK did this guy find my profile? i have no public posts; i hardly ever comment on public posts; i don't post in large, active groups; etc etc etc etc so it creeped the FUCK out of me. sometimes fb puts ppl w no mutual friends in my "people you may know" but, creepily enough, they often are people i... know, if not have some sort of mutual connection with? like they might be old classmates or friends of friends creating new profiles (so no mutual friends yet), etc. and this is true for ppl who also don't have info on their profile saying they live in/near my hometown, went to my school at some point, etc. like THAT is very creepy how meta somehow knows that. but this guy from australia i am absolutely sure i have no connection to whatsoever. WHY WOULD I???? i have no connection to australia at all other than a couple of mutuals i have on here.

so anyway i took a screenshot of the message and showed it to my friends cuz i was freaking out about it and needed to get that off my chest and one friend was like "why dont you block him" (me reading that 4 hours later) and im like you know what i didnt think it was necessary but not a bad idea. and i go to check the message request and the message was unsent, and he also deleted the friend request. lmaooooo. maybe his girlfriend found his phone