#he was like. Captain America actor kind of famous. or Superman.

[chaos-bringer-13]

My brain just hit an old hyperfixation (is this what it's called? I hope I used the word right) and oh dear am I losing my mind now. I need to write a story I think. About this one old guy. He's unhinged. There's so much information about him and yet not enough. I want to explore his character so much. He's definitely a criminal - at least he was one - and I'm 95% sure he can do actual real magic, and he's a musician and an artist and an actor and a magician and a philosopher and a traveler and a conman and so much more and also I think he's some kind of immortal. Maybe he just has a VERY long life. It's strongly implied he was a pirate at some point of his life. He started a cult by accident several times. My conspiracy theories about him include him being a secret god.

He's also a freaking round blue raven. Someone save me from my mind.

[ariel-seagull-wings]

@thealmightyemprex @piterelizabethdevries @the-blue-fairie @professorlehnsherr-almashy @bixiebeet @princesssarisa

Translation from part of a conversation I had with @themousefromfantasyland

The fact that many of the greatest creators of comic book heroes are Jewish and that many of the actors who have played these heroes are also Jewish means that the genre has a very strong Jewish influence, even if most of the time it has to be in a more implicit, coded way

While in other media the heroes tend to be all blonde with blue eyes, the most iconic superheroes have black hair. 

Not brown. 

Complete black.

For superheroes, having dark hair is the norm

There is also the issue of secret identity.

These people look like standard white Christian people, but they have to hide their origin and culture for fear that it will bring discrimination and put their families at risk.

Superman, the model for all superheroes literally has an origin inspired by Moses

And that brings us to another point. That trope: "I'm secretly X, but I have to keep it a secret, otherwise my neighbors will turn against me" and the person in question easily passes as a white Protestant.

It's not like this kind of story can't be written by Gentiles, but I really believe that this whole archetype in sci-fi and fantasy comes from the experience of Jewish writers dealing with anti-Semitism.

And in the case of the Avengers, the first Captain America comic book, with the famous cover in which he punches Hitler, was printed months before the US entered the War on the Allied Side (intending to remain neutral) because its creators were worried about what was happening to their family members in Europe under Nazi occupation, and they wanted the US to step out of the comfort of neutrality to confront Hitler and stop what he was doing.

Detail that at that time many American politicians and industrialists were Nazi sympathizers and collaborators, it was more accepted to be a Nazi than the "terrible communist", and the country was as racist and anti-Semitic as Germany, even sending away ships with refugees trying to escape the Holocaust.

There were even propaganda posters with inscriptions like "Communism is Jewish."

Probably a huge chunk of what we call nerd culture probably came from Jewish artists and writers.

Maybe that's why the nerd stereotype sometimes has certain "Jewish" traits.

This also raises other questions, like the real origin of nerd bullying.

[popwasabi]

“Who are you?” The scene that defines Chadwick Boseman’s legacy

Yesterday, the world lost a bright and promising, burgeoning talent in Chadwick Boseman.

I had wondered privately for a while if something was wrong with him, as others had as well online, as he appeared increasingly sicker with each interview he gave over the last two years. I thought maybe I had been looking too much into it, not wanting to jump to conclusions about who he was but now gravely we all know why.

The much too young star of films such as “42,” “Marshall,” and of course, “Black Panther” had been fighting a largely private battle with colon cancer for four years.

It was devastating hearing this news yesterday, the man who undeniably left behind a legacy of playing prominent black heroes, both historical and fictional, passed away just as he was starting to truly hit it big. When you begin to realize the man was dealing with cancer as he performed physically demanding roles in the MCU you begin to see the character and determination of a man unwilling to quit in the face of true adversity.

But he clearly wasn’t just doing it for himself when he continued making and promoting NINE more movies despite his diagnosis, afterall no one would’ve blamed the guy for taking it easy these past four years. He’s had many scenes that define his legacy over his all too short career but I feel it can really be summed up in one particular moment from by far his most famous film; “Black Panther.”

Those who know me or have read my work know that I have a fairly cynical relationship with the Marvel Cinematic Universe. While I would not say most of them are “bad” per se, I would say a ton of them are largely interchangeable action comedies with pretty straightforward messages about good vs evil for general audiences. They are largely popcorn escapism and though there is nothing technically wrong with that, I was starved for an MCU film that was sincere about its story finally and had something real to say.

Enter “Black Panther” in early 2018.

“Black Panther” was everything I had long been waiting for in the MCU; a film with a real sense of vision and theme, a killer soundtrack, great supporting characters, a complicated and nuanced villain, and a story that didn’t feel the need to add a joke after every single scene like more typical MCU movies. The tip of that spear of course was Chadwick, who had already proved to be a great Black Panther in one of the few other sincere Marvel flicks “Civil War.” His natural charisma, physicality, and dramatic presence in this role made him a huge standout in frankly the best ensemble cast of any superhero movie ever.

The scene that truly sums up not just the mark “Black Panther” left on Hollywood but Chadwick’s own legacy comes at the very end though (the first of three, of course. It’s an MCU movie, afterall).

T’Challa has defeated his usurper cousin Erik Killmonger, his rule restored in Wakanda but clearly a changed man from the story’s beginning as he reckons with the complicated legacy of his father. He travels to Oakland, the birthplace of Killmonger, with his sister Shuri who he explains the crime committed by their father in this place and how it set off the events of the story. He turns to Shuri, tells her that he has decided to help this afflicted community by creating a Wakandan outreach center for the youth to give them a new hope in life. As he says this he decloaks their ship nearby, surprising the youth already in the area who are immediately in awe of it. One of the kids turns to T’Challa, smiling, a sense of inspiration and intrigue brewing inside, and asks “Who are you?” to which the young King simply smiles, then the credits roll.

It’s a simple scene but it truly speaks to the impact left behind by Chadwick and the importance of representation. 

“Black Panther” is hardly the first starring vehicle for a black man, it’s not even the first black super hero movie but what it made it different is it was the first blockbuster to truly lean unapologetically into its African identity to focus on the inspiration of a story centered around that culture. It showed Hollywood that an action blockbuster not just centered on a black star but centered on African culture had vast widespread appeal.

White kids will never have a shortage of white superheroes to grow up with on the big screen; a diverse palette of Supermans, Spider-mans, Captain Americas, and shit we’re even getting our sixth new Batman actor since 1989 soon. But Chadwick gave black kids their first real Superman of their own. 

In the years since this came out, I have seen the influence, at times, firsthand among the youth. I work part-time as a kids martial arts instructor and each Halloween party we’ve held I’ve seen a few more T’Challas among the costumes represented. When I ask kids, black, white, or Asian, what their favorite superhero is, it always warms my heart to see a kid light up when they say “BLACK PANTHER!”

(Seriously, cute AF)

This goes beyond just my anecdotal observations of course; the film grossed a billion dollars, and there are countless videos online of kids yelling “Wakanda forever!” at the top of their lungs while rocking a Black Panther suit or reciting one of the movie’s memorable lines. It’s beautiful because it speaks to that last scene’s key message; inspiration.

Growing up myself, as a half Asian American, there weren’t a ton of role models who looked like me to take inspiration from. I didn’t really understand how much this could affect me until I finally did start seeing people like myself occupy positions of influence. I didn’t start caring for baseball until I saw a slugger named Hideki Matsui smash a couple dingers in a Yankees’ uniform in the early 2000s. I didn’t care much for martial arts, outside my very early youth, until I witnessed a half Japanese Brazilian named Lyoto Machida KO Thiago Silva at UFC 94 in 2009. I didn’t care much for soccer until a striker named Keisuke Honda played out of his mind in the early rounds of the 2010 FIFA World Cup.

Sometimes you gotta see something happen in order to believe and be inspired by it and it’s easier to visualize it when you see someone who looks like you do it. That’s what representation means and why it’s important.

It’s easy for white America to dismiss the need for representation in media when theirs is so saturated in the culture everyday. Cries of “wHaT aBoUt wHiTe HiStORy mOnTH?!” delivered unironically while their history is proudly given front seat consideration in all forms of media, film, and influence every day. This is why it drives me so crazy when a white person tells me “representation isn’t important” because apparently, they “don’t need it.”

Well motherfucker, of course you don’t need it. You fucking got yours already!

(What every non-white person wants to say when confronted with this tired, out of touch argument...)

“Black Panther” delivered a superhero that not only black children could be proud of and love but someone they could draw inspiration from. Kids are going to want to become film directors cause of this movie, actors, stuntmen, martial artists, scientists, engineers, and so many other different things that the world of Wakanda proudly showcases and it’s all thanks to Chadwick’s leading man performance that made it possible.

Some jokes I’ve heard frequently on the internet is that Chadwick was on somewhat of a quest to play every major black role in story-telling history, what with performances as Jackie Robinson, Thurgood Marshall, James Brown, and of course Black Panther. But I think his 2018 speech at his Alma Mater of Howard really explains why he kept looking to play these major positive black roles.

(I encourage you to listen to the whole thing but the part that’s important here begins at 21:55)

Hollywood likes to pigeon hole certain demographics of people (aka non-white) to play stereotypical roles forever until they are proven to be lucrative in different ways (Qualified Immunity of film-making if you will…). Black people largely could mostly play thugs and drug dealers, Latinx can only be gang bosses and poor servants and gardeners, Asians are either kung fu masters or some other offensive perpetual foreigner. And in worst cases no role at all, instead whitewashed for general audiences (aka white folk). 

Chadwick took a stand that the color of his skin did not define who Hollywood narrowly believed he could perform as and set out to play characters and people who could inspire a new generation of African Americans and show the rest of the country that they were more than a stereotype.

When that young kid in that final scene asks, “Who are you?” and T’Challa smiles its because he knows he’s already changing hearts and minds for the future, just as Chadwick did playing this truly inspirational role.

“Black Panther” is not a perfect movie. I could discuss the ways it could’ve been better and even, less problematic in parts on a different day, but the legacy it leaves behind is one that’s undeniably positive and Chadwick was able to make that a reality. Perhaps he understood that if the world knew his diagnosis it would blunt the impact of “Black Panther’s” release, that if little kids and African Americans alike knew their superhero was already dying it would mar the film’s positivity and influence. I can’t speak for the dead obviously, and in no way am I saying one should just push through a cancer diagnosis and keep it secret, but I can see Chadwick understanding what it would mean for the audience if they just believed for as long as possible that they would have their king of Wakanda forever.

As Robert Downey Jr. said on social media last night “He leveled the playing field while fighting for his life.”

Though I will never know him personally, by most measures Chadwick seemed to be exactly the kind of hero he showed up to be on the big screen and his legacy will ultimately be that of one who looked to inspire others, particularly the next generation until his final breath. If that doesn’t make him a hero, I don’t know what does.

Rest in power, King. Wakanda Forever…

(Via BossLogic)

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Is It Really THAT Bad?

I’m going to warn you all now. This one is going to get a bit angry at the end. Normally I would try and remain as professional as possible, but in this case, I don’t feel like I would be able to.

Batman & Robin is a film that has lived in infamy since its release in 1997. Upon release, it was critically reviled, and this hatred of the film continued long into the modern day, where it frequently tops “worst films of all time lists” to the point where it actually is listed on the Wikipedia page for “List of films considered the worst.” It was nominated for at least 11 Razzies but only won a single one, and it went on to be a frequent punching bag on the {REDACTED] Critic’s web show, where he would get irrationally angry at the mere mention of the Bat Credit Card. In contemporary reviews, Mick LaSalle of The San Francisco Chronicle stated “"George Clooney is the big zero of the film, and should go down in history as the George Lazenby of the series,” which is less of a criticism and more of a compliment, if I’m being totally honest.

Most of the stars would take a negative stance towards it as well, with legend stating that if you tell George Clooney that you saw the film in theaters, he will refund you for your ticket out of his own pocket. Chris O’Donnell likewise is not particularly fond of the film, stating "It just felt like everything got a little soft the second time. On Batman Forever, I felt like I was making a movie. The second time, I felt like I was making a kid's toy commercial." And, perhaps most depressingly, Joel Schumacher himself was apparently very apologetic for the film, though this may or may not have come about because of years and years of vitriol being directed at him for making this film.

In the wake of Mr. Schumacher’s passing, I decided to re-watch the film, as I am famously rather fond of it, and I am going to tell you all why the answer to the question “Is it really THAT bad?” is a loud, resounding, NO.

THE GOOD

There’s honestly quite a lot to like here, more than you might think. I think first and foremost what you need to understand going in is that this is a silly, cartoonish take on the Burton style, blending the silliness and camp of the West series with the drama and aesthetics of the Burton films, all while adding some over-the-top, colorful flair. John Glover, who appears in the film as a cartoonish mad scientist, even has gone on record as saying "Joel would sit on a crane with a megaphone and yell before each take, 'Remember, everyone, this is a cartoon'. It was hard to act because that kind of set the tone for the film”… the last sentence makes the statement very baffling, but at least even the actors were aware of what they were doing. If this doesn’t sound appealing, well, the opening is sure to warn you off, as it is a suiting up montage with various shots of the firm butts, large codpieces, and stiff batnipples of the Dynamic Duo. The movie is very upfront about what you’re in for.

On the subject of the infamous batnipples, Schumacher stated "I had no idea that putting nipples on the Batsuit and Robin suit were going to spark international headlines. The bodies of the suits come from Ancient Greek statues, which display perfect bodies. They are anatomically correct." It seems a very odd choice, but it’s pretty clear that he meant it as an amusing little design choice and nothing more. Of course, this hasn’t stopped everyone and their mother from spewing homophobic comments about how he was purposefully making the film gayer, even from star George Clooney, who has said that he played Batman as a gay man and was told by Schumacher Batman is gay. It’s so disgusting that people did and continue to do this, because honestly, the costumes are fine, and even if they are meant to be fanservice… so what? O’Donell and Clooney’s asses look nice, as does Alicia Silverstone’s when she dons a suit. The fact hers is just as form-fitting as the other two really shows that the whole idea Schumacher did it because he was gay is ridiculous; the man was very egalitarian about the fanservice in the movie.

Whatever else Clooney says, he does a pretty great job as Batman and Bruce Wayne. His speech at the end of the film where he talks to Mr. Freeze and reminds him that he is a good man and offers to help him is honestly one of the few moments in any Batman film where Batman actually feels like the one from the animated series, a man who fights crime but also wants to help the people he’s trying to stop. Clooney just has a very natural charisma that lends himself to playing a hero, and while there are a few awkward moments in the performance, he captures the fun and charm a more lighthearted Batman should. Michael Gough’s last turn as Alfred is also surprisingly poignant, and a lot of mileage is gotten out of his genuinely tearjerking subplot.

Of course, the very best part of the film is the villains. Uma Thurman is clearly having a ball as Poison Ivy, and she gets to have a ludicrous amount of costumes as well as numerous moments of fanservice. She also has the power to turn every man around her into a simp, which is absolutely amazing and leads to quite a few scenes of Batman and Robin slapping each other over her. But f course, there’s really no doubt that the best part of the film is Mr. Freeze. He’s a combination of the sillier Mr. Freeze from the West days and the more modern take of the character most are familiar with, the tragic anti-villain who wants to save his wife; such a character would take a talented man capable of comedy and drama in equal measure. And who better than Arnold Schwarzenegger? Joel Schumacher wanted a man who looked like he was chiseled from a glacier, and Arnold certainly fits that description. He spends the movie juggling some of the most corny puns you can imagine and a lot of truly powerful, understated drama, and it really does work. You honestly get the sense that Arnold really gets Mr. Freeze and what makes him a great character. Also, that suit he has is amazing.

As a final note: the Bat Credit Card is absolutely not stupid. Linkara has defended it in the past, giving reasons why and how it could actually work, but really, all that needs to be said is… is this any more ridiculous than Shark Repellent Bat Spray?

THE BAD

So don’t get the wrong idea here; this film is far from perfect. As is the case with any comedy, the humor can be hit or miss; not all of the puns land, not all of the jokes are great. You’re never going to get a perfect comedy no matter how hard you try, and this is no exception.

As for performances, I think O’Donnell’s Robin and Silverstone’s Batgirl are a bit wonky. O'Donnell has long been a source of derision for his whining, and while I think the hate is a bit overblown, he does spend a ludicrous amount of time in this film being snippy, miserable, and arrogant. I think he actually fights with Batman more than any of the villains! Still, his performance isn’t horrible, he just gets a bit too whiny at a few points.

Silverstone is a bit of a bigger problem, but she’s not quite as bad as even I remembered. She’s pretty much Batgirl in name only, since she’s related to Alfred in this, but she’s mostly okay. The issue really is that her arc in the film is relatively bland and feels a bit shoehorned, which comes to a head where she fights Poison Ivy in a designated catfight, obviously because they didn’t want Batman to punch a woman in the face I guess. There’s just one issue with that:

On the subject of Ivy, while she definitely does have plant powers here, they’re strangely underplayed. She rarely uses them even when it would probably be beneficial, instead relying on Bane to do most of the fighting for her. Ah, Bane… Bane is one of the few things about this film I can’t really muster up any sort of defense for. While his creation scene is rather cool, it doesn’t lead to much of interest, as this version of Bane is pretty much a mindless supersoldier lackey who serves Poison Ivy. Now, this was still relatively early in Bane’s existence, as he had only debuted in 1993 and was really most famous for his signature “breaking the Bat” move, but it still is baffling why, with that famous thing fresh in everyone’s minds, that they would just choose to go and basically make Bane into Evil Diet Captain America. Surely they could have either saved him for a sequel or utilized him in a way more befitting of the character? I think this Bane is kind of responsible for the negative perception of Bane as this big, dumb bruiser, something that works like The Dark Knight Rises and Arkham Origins have thankfully gone a long way to rectifying. Bane is at his best when he’s a cunning genius bruiser; here, he’s nothing but a glorified prop.

Is It Really THAT Bad?

The answer is no. No it isn’t. AT ALL.

I’ve always felt this film came out at the wrong time. It was towards the end of the 90s, during the Dark Age of Comics when everything was dark, gritty, and edgy. The world didn’t want a movie like this back then; they wanted stuff like Blade, who would come in shortly after this film and show us how to make that aesthetic work. I guess in terms of Batman they wanted something more like Dawn of Justice, which really speaks volumes to how awful the 90s were for superheroes. 

Look, I’m not trying to convince anyone this is the greatest Batman film ever. Even I don’t think that; Batman Returns, The Dark Knight, and Under the Red Hood are all much better films. But is this really the worst Batman film now that we have the deeply misogynistic and disgusting The Killing Joke and the relentlessly bleak and unpleasant Batman v Superman? Hell, it’s not even worse than Batman Forever! At least the Batman in this film has some kind of emotional range beyond “plank of wood!” And even calling it the worst sequel ever is just… so baffling. Again, this is definitely better than Batman Forever, lack of Jim Carrey notwithstanding. And can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me that this is worse than any of the Terminator sequels after the second film? Worse than Iron Man 2 or Thor: The Dark World? The almost half dozen Alvin and the Chipmunk sequels? This is only the worst sequel or even a bad sequel if it is the only sequel you’ve ever seen in your life.

A lot of the hate for it from back in the day carries a strong undercurrent of homophobia. Much like the infamous backlash against disco, it’s seriously uncomfortable, and it definitely is cruel how accusatory people were towards Schumacher’s intentions for the suits of the heroes in the film. The fact that even the two main stars have gotten in on it is a bit disgusting, though O’Donnell questioning why there needed to be a codpiece is certainly less offensive than George Clooney saying he played Batman as a gay man for… whatever reason. Was he implying that Batman being gay made the movie worse? I’m not sure what he’s on about there. Even The New Batman Adventures made a cruel dig at the film; notice the sign and the effeminate-looking boy. You could only get homophobia this good in the 90s!

The hatred of this film is absolutely overblown. It’s so ridiculous. #70 on the bottom rated movies of IMDB? #1 on the 50 worst films of all time list from Empire? Doug Walker’s personal punching bag whenever he needs to talk about a bad sequel, to the point where he literally said no one wanted a comedic take on Batman in his worst sequels video? Come the fuck on.

Joel Schumacher may or may not have ended up hating this film, but he certainly was made to feel like shit for making it… and it is honest to god not that bad! But he was just absolutely eviscerated, to the point where this was a fucking headline when he died:

Literally fuck all of these people. Fuck io9 for their insensitive headline. Fuck Empire for rating this as the worst film ever. Fuck Doug Walker for his constant bashing and his shitty old “chimp out over the Bat Credit Card” gag. Double fuck Mick LaSalle for shitting on George Clooney’s performance while also trying to say George Lazenby’s Bond was bad. In fact, fuck George Clooney for his weird idea that playing Batman as gay is a bad thing (sorry George, but I can’t defend this). Fuck the Razzies. Yes, it was nominated, but I just feel it’s always a good time to say “Fuck the Razzies.”

I will never say you have to love or even like this film, but the sheer amount of vitriol and hatred for it is absolutely beyond me. At worst, this film is just a bit too goofy, and at best, it is a fun tribute to the campy days when Batman just couldn’t get rid of a bomb. I didn’t take off my score this time. I’m proud to say I gave this an 8/10, personally. If I’m being honest, a 6.6 – 6.9 is more appropriate, because it does have quite a few issues, but god, this film is not bad at all. It’s silly, goofy, campy, and fun… but bad? Not by any stretch of my imagination. And fuck the critics for convincing an entire generation that this is Batman at his worst, when we have Batman fucking slaughtering his ways through criminals and fucking Barbara Gordon on rooftops these days. I will always take stupid ice puns over misery, murder and creepy intergenerational sex, thank you very much.

I hope you can rest easy, Mr. Schumacher. Maybe you didn’t love your film in the end but, wherever you are, I hope you know I loved it.

[britesparc]

Weekend Top Ten #457

Top Ten Masks in the Movies

It’s December! Yay! The year is nearly over! Although really it’s starting to look a bit nicer near the end isn’t it? Biden won, they’ve got a vaccine, and the second season of The Mandalorian is fantastic. As long as Trump doesn’t nuke Iran we might make it out unscathed.

Anyway, from here on in, until probably well into January, I’ll be doing my usual stock-check of the year and looking forward to what lies ahead. What were the defining moments of 2020? What did I love? I’ll be keeping it positive, and tyring not to go to deep into gallows humour (“None of my immediate family died of Covid!”). And, of course, one of the most defining aspects of 2020 was the fact that everyone – well, nice people, anyway – went round for half the year wearing a mask.

I don’t know if “celebrate” is the right word, but to commemorate, let’s say, the Year of the Mask I thought I’d look at some of the greatest masks in the world of cinema. Lots of folks in the flicks have worn masks; I mean, there’s a fair few Quinjet-loads of superheroes for a start. But even outside of Batman’s cowl or Superman’s, er, cowlick, we’ve got everything from the Lone Ranger to Hannibal Lector to well, The Man in the Iron Mask. For pretty much as long as there have been actors, Hollywood has enjoyed covering up their famous faces. So – with no further ado – here are my favourite masks in the movies. and, yeah, this is mostly about the masks themselves rather than characters, but obviously in a perfect case the two reinforce one another. Anyway, onto the bit.

Bane (The Dark Knight Rises, 2012): maybe it’s the voice more than anything, but the adaptation of the comic’s luchador mask, with a nod to the character’s intravenous drug use, gives us a supremely iconic face mask that is part rebreather, part disguise, part vicious maw. and remember – “No one cared who I was before I put on the mask…”

Immortan Joe (Mad Max: Fury Road, 2015): let’s just take a moment to remember Joe’s actor, Hugh Keays-Byrne, who sadly passed away recently. He gave us a supremely iconic character here, whose mask is almost Bane turned up to 11; vast tubular tendrils and enormous teeth. It’s demonic, like a satanic goat or something, as well as feeling pestilent and disgusting. Definitely not “MEDIOCRE”.

Darth Vader (Star Wars franchise, from 1977): I guess there’s no more iconic mask, is there? The samurai-inspired helmet design, the mouthplate that hints at his, ahem, respiratory issues, the visor like a pair of unseeing eyes… and all in threateningly shiny black. What more is there to say? It’s Darth Vader, for flip’s sake.

The Gimp (Pulp Fiction, 1994): frankly terrifying (and, er, of questionable taste), a heavyset S&M nightmare shackled to the ceiling. Who is he? Why is he there? What does he do? We can all imagine. A fantastic, surreal element exploding out of the entire “what-the-eff” sequence that occupies Pulp Fiction’s middle third. He looks great and his wide-eyed terror when Butch breaks free is a joy to behold.

RoboCop (RoboCop, 1987): I’ve always just loved RoboCop’s mask; that helmeted design, exposing the chin, with just a thing strip of visor covering the eyes. It’s redolent of an old constable helmet in a way, although I doubt that’s intentional. It’s robotic, sure, and futuristic, but there’s something about it that just screams cop. And when Murphy removes it, revealing his scarred and battered human face, it’s a significant moment, a breaking down of the oppressive machine he was made to be.

The Mask (The Mask, 1993): I love the wooden design of Loki’s mask before Stanley Ipkiss puts it on, and I love the rubbery design of the makeup Carrey wears as The Mask. Both just look cool. But it’s all Carrey’s performance, contorting his face like a CG effect when such fidelity was well beyond the limits of even a high-end blockbuster. He looks simultaneously real, unreal, and like a Dick Tracy villain; in a word, uncanny.

Zorro (The Mask of Zorro, 1998): just pipping The Dread Pirate Roberts to the post when discussing nondescript black bandanas, this is another all-time iconic look, but oh-so simple. The simplicity is part of its charm, of course; Zorro is a man of the people in a rustic environment, so elaborate masks would feel unreal. But it’s important to the narrative of the film, too, as Zorro is a revolutionary figure, but also a legacy character, Anthony Hopkins’ Don Diego de la Vega passing the mantle on to Antonio Banderas’ Alejandro Murrieta.

Ethan Hunt (Mission: Impossible franchise, from 1996): I’m using the word “iconic” a lot, I fear, but the Mission staple of full-face masks that mimic perfectly another character is up there with Tom Cruise running or being up really high. It’s one of the few spy gadgets they can pull out that still feels futuristic and impossible, even as the thought of 3D printing a fake face now isn’t quite as science fiction-y.

Black Widow (Captain America: The Winter Soldier, 2014): a subtler take on the Mission masks, this sees Natasha Romanoff adopt a disguise during the film’s climax, before pulling off her face in one nifty shot to reveal it to be some kind of thin holographic flannel that masks her identity. It’s a really cool scene, made all the more impressive as she kicks ass looking exactly like Jenny Agutter.

Douglas Quaid (Total Recall, 1990): “Two weeks! Two weeks!” Is this another cheat? A temporary disguise? A full-on helmet? I dunno, but let’s face it, this scene is hella cool. Quaid gets past customs by disguising himself as a lady, rumbled when his synthesised voice appears to fritz out, at which point her face slides apart to reveal the granite-esque visage of Sir Arnold of Schwarzenegger. Amazing! And then the woman’s head explodes. “Get ready for a surprise!”

Anyway, that was fun, but remember kids: wear your bloody mask! For Christ sake, there’s a plague on, you pack of bellends! Just put the mask on! Honestly! And when the vaccine comes around, take the frigging thing. Do it! DO IT NOW!

[ljones41]

"CAPTAIN MARVEL" (2019) Review

"CAPTAIN MARVEL" (2019) Review For several years, many movie fans, critics and feminists have criticized Disney Studios and Marvel Films for failing to green light a Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) film that starred a person of color or simply a woman. And for years, producer Kevin Feige have assured these critics that the studio was planning such a film for the franchise. Ironically, it took the plans of a comic book film from another studio for Feige to fulfill his promise. 

Sometime in 2014 or 2015, Warner Brothers Studios announced it plans for a solo film featuring one of D.C. Comics' more famous characters, Wonder Woman. The character had first appeared in the 2016 movie, "BATMAN V. SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE" before moving on to a solo film. This decision by Warner Brothers and the success of the Wonder Woman film eventually led Feige to push forward his plans for a film about the Marvel Comics character, Black Panther aka King T'Challa of Wakanda. The character first appeared in the 2016 movie, "CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR", followed by a solo movie released in early 2018. Following the success of "BLACK PANTHER", Feige immediately set in motions for the MCU's first film with a female lead - "CAPTAIN MARVEL". The comic book origin of Captain Marvel is decidedly complex and a bit controversial. The first Captain Marvel was a Kree military officer named Mar-Vell, who becomes an ally of Earth. The second Captain Marvel was Monica Rambeau, an African-American police officer from New Orleans. She eventually became another costume heroine named Spectrum. Four more characters served the role as Captain Marvel - all of them aliens - before an Air Force officer named Carol Danvers became the sixth and most recent character to fill the role. Feige and Disney Studios had selected Danvers to be the first cinematic Captain Marvel. Directed and co-written by Anna Boden and Ryan Fleck, "CAPTAIN MARVEL" begins in the Kree Empire's capital planet of Hala in 1995, where a member of the Empire's Starforce, Vers, suffer from amnesia and recurring nightmares involving an older woman. Both her mentor and commander, Yon-Rogg; and the empire's ruler, an artificial intelligence named Supreme Intelligence her mentor and commander, trains her to control her abilities while the Supreme Intelligence, the artificial intelligence that rules the Kree, urges her to keep her emotions in check. During a Starforce mission to rescue an undercover operative from the Skrulls, a shape-shifting race that are engaged in a war against the Kree, Vers is captured. The Skrulls' commander, Talos, probes Vers's memories and discover that the individual they are looking for might be on Earth. Vers escapes and crash-lands in Los Angeles, where she meets S.H.I.E.L.D. agents Nick Fury and Phil Coulson. Vers recovers a crystal containing her extracted memories, which leads her and Fury to an Air Force base. There, they learn that the mysterious woman that Vers had been dreaming of and for whom the Skrulls are searching is a Doctor Wendy Lawson, a woman who was working on a S.H.I.E.L.D. project known as Project Pegasus (one of the Infinity Stones - the Tesseract). They also discover that Vers is actually a Human Air Force officer named Carol Danvers, who was also working on Project Pegasus . . . and who was reported dead six years earlier in 1989. Vers (or Danvers) and Fury set out to keep the Space Stone out of the Skrulls' hands and to learn more about her past and how she had ended up with the Kree. Many critics and fans of the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) were doubtful that "CAPTAIN MARVEL" would prove to be a hit. After all, the movie's lead was a woman and the actress portraying her, Brie Larson, had a reputation for left-wing politics. Nevertheless, these doubting Thomases were proven wrong. "CAPTAIN MARVEL" went on to earn over one billion dollars at the box office. Did the movie deserve this kind of success? Hmmm . . . that is a good question. "CAPTAIN MARVEL" did not strike me as one of the best MCU movies I have seen. I could say that it is your typical comic book hero origin story. Somewhat. "CAPTAIN MARVEL" had the unusual distinction of starting midway into Carol Danvers' tale. In fact, screenwriters, which include directors Anna Fleck and Ryan Fleck; along with "GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY" co-writer Nicole Perlman; made the unusual choice of wrapping Carol's past and the circumstances of her amnesia in a cloud of mystery. Movie audiences were first given the peep into Carol's past during Talos' probe of her memories. Between the Project Pegasus file and Carol's reunion with her former best friend, former Air Force pilot Maria Rambeau, the mystery was finally cleared. A part of me admired the screenwriters' attempt to utilize this different narrative device to convey Carol's past. At least four other MCU films have utilized the flashback device (limited or otherwise) for their narratives. But "CAPTAIN MARVEL" is the only MCU movie in which the protagonist's past is written as a mystery. Another twist that the screenwriters had revealed concerned the identities of the film's antagonists - the Skrulls and their leader Talos. All I can say is that their goal turned out to be something of a surprise. "CAPTAIN MARVEL" featured some well done action sequences. I thought Boden and Fleck provided solid direction for most of the film's action scenes. I enjoyed such scenes like the Starforce's rescue attempt of their spy from the Skrulls, Carol and Fury's escape from the Air Force base and the Skrulls, and the film's final action sequence involving Carol, Fury, Maria Rambeau, the Starforce team and the Skrulls. But if I had to choose my favorite action sequence, it would be the Los Angeles chase sequence in which Carol encounters Fury, Coulson and other S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, while chasing the Skrulls. My head tells me that I should be more impressed by the final action sequence. But I simply found myself more impressed by that chase sequence in the movie's first half. What can I say about the performances in the movie? They were pretty solid. I seem to use that word a lot in describing my feelings about "CAPTAIN MARVEL". Well . . . I thought Brie Larson's performance as Carol Danvers aka Captain Marvel was more than solid. She seemed to take control of the character rather easily. And I thought she did a great job in combining certain aspects of Carol's personality - her ruthlessness, dry humor and flashes of insecurity. Although he had a brief appearance in the 2018 movie, "THE AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR", Samuel L. Jackson returned in full force as former S.H.I.E.L.D. director Nick Fury for the first time in nearly four years. Only in this film, he is a mere agent. Jackson's performance in this film proved to be a lot more humorous than in his previous MCU appearances. I also noticed that he and Larson, who had first appeared together in the 2017 movie, "KONG: SKULL ISLAND", managed to create a very strong screen chemistry. Another memorable performance came from Ben Mendelsohn, who portrayed the Skulls' leader, Talos. Thanks to Mendelsohn's skillful performance, Talos proved to be one of the most subtle and manipulative antagonists in the MCU franchise. Other performances that caught my eye came from Lashana Lynch, who portrayed Carol's oldest friends and former Air Force pilot, Maria Rambeau. Does that name sound familiar? It should. In the movie, Maria is the mother of Monica Rambeau, the first woman Captain Marvel . . . at least in the comics. Lynch gave a subtle and skillful performance that portrayed Maria as a pragmatic and reserve woman with a dry sense of humor. Jude Law was convincingly intense as Carol's Starforce commander and mentor, Yon-Rogg, who was unfailingly devoted to the Kree Empire and who also happened to be searching for the missing Carol. "CAPTAIN MARVEL" also featured competent performances from the likes of Clark Gregg as S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent Phil Coulson, Gemma Chan as Starforce sniper Minn-Erva, Vik Sahay as Hero Torfan and Annette Bening, who portrayed Kree scientist Mar-Vell aka Dr. Wendy Lawson and provided the voice for the Kree Supreme Intelligence A.I. Akira and Azari Akbar portrayed the young and feisty Monica Rambeau at ages eleven and five respectively. Also, Djimon Hounsou and Lee Pace (both who had been in 2014's "GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY") reprised their roles as Korath the Pursuer and Ronan the Accuser. Only in this film, Korath was a member of Starforce and Ronan had yet to become a homicidal political extremist. Do not get me wrong. I enjoyed "CAPTAIN MARVEL". And I do plan to purchase a DVD copy as soon as possible. But . . . it is not perfect. And it is not one of my favorite MCU films. One, I wish this movie had not been set in the past. I do not think that Andy Nicholson's production designs, along with Lauri Gaffin's set decorations and the art direction team had convincingly recaptured the late 1980s and the mid 1990s. Honestly, I have seen other movies and television shows that did a better job. I understand that Carol Danvers was an Air Force officer before she became Vers and later Captain Marvel. But I found the movie's pro-military atmosphere a bit jarring and uncomfortable. I do not understand why Disney Studios thought it was necessary to allow the U.S. Air Force to have so much influence on the film. I understand that the filmmakers had hired Kenneth Mitchell to portray Carol's father, Joseph Danvers. Why did they even bother? Mitchell was wasted in this film. He was for at least a second or two in a montage featuring Carol's memories. And he had one or two lines. What a waste of a good actor! And if I must be brutally honest, I found the movie's pacing rather uneven . . . especially in the firs thirty minutes and in the last half hour. And as much as I enjoyed some of the action sequences, my enjoyment was limited by the film's confusing editing, which has become typical of the MCU. Despite being a woman - and a progressive one at that - I found that entire moment with Captain Marvel kicking ass to the tune of Gwen Stefani's 1995 song, "Just a Girl" rather cringe worthy. The MCU has proven lately that when it comes to promoting feminine empowerment, the franchise can be rather shallow and subtle as a sledge hammer. My biggest problems with "CAPTAIN MARVEL" proved to be its inconsistent writing - a trait that has become a hallmark of the MCU in the past several years. On "AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D." Phil Coulson had informed his team that Nick Fury had recruited him into the agency, while he was in college. That should have occurred at least 10 years before this film's setting. Yet, Clark Gregg had portrayed Coulson as if the latter was a newbie agent. And to be brutally honest, Gregg's presence in the movie proved to be rather limited. Unfortunately. Speaking of S.H.I.E.L.D., why did Fury, Coulson and other S.H.I.E.L.D. agents appear at that Radio Shack store after a security guard had reported her presence? Why? Before Fury's discovery of the Skrulls' presence, S.H.I.E.L.D. was more focused on unusual scientific projects. There is also the matter of the Tesseract aka the Space Stone. Apparently, the Infinity stone, which was discovered and lost by HYDRA leader Johann Schmidt in 1942 and 1945 respectively, was discovered by S.S.R. scientist and future S.H.I.E.L.D. founder Howard Stark in 1945. S.H.I.E.L.D. kept that stone for over 40 years until it became part of a joint S.H.I.E.L.D./Air Force operation in the late 1980s called Project Pegasus. Seriously? Why would such a secretive agency like S.H.I.E.L.D. even share knowledge of the Tesseract with the U.S. Air Force, let alone allow a non-S.H.I.E.L.D. scientist (Dr. Lawson) and two junior test pilots (Carol and Maria) be the main participants in this project? Movie audiences also discover how Nick Fury had lost his eye. I want to state how his eye was lost, but I am too disgusted to do so. Okay . . . Dr. Lawson aka Mar-Vell's space cat (or whatever the hell it is) named Goose had scratched out his left eye. That is correct. Fury's speech about trust issues in "CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER" originated with a space cat that scratched out his eye, because he got too friendly with it. Jesus Christ! Talk about taking an important character moment for Fury in one film and transforming it into a joke in another, five years later. In doing so, both Boden and Fleck came dangerously close to neutering his character. They, along with Kevin Feige, actually managed to accomplish this with the Monica Rambeau character. They took Marvel Comics' first female Captain Marvel and transformed her into a child, who happened to be the daughter of Carol Danvers' best friend. I found this both frustrating and disturbing. Earlier, I had complained about the movie's 1989-1995 setting. I have a few questions in regard to portraying Captain Marvel's origin during this setting. If Captain Marvel had been around since 1995, why did Nick Fury wait so long to summon her? He did not summon her until the chaos surrounding Thanos' Snap in "THE AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR" began to manifest . . . twenty-three years later, as shown in one of the film's post-credit scenes. If Captain Marvel had been saving the universe during those past twenty-three years, where was she when Ronan the Accuser had threatened to destroy Xandar in "GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY"? Where was she when Ego had threatened the universe in "GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY, VOL. 2"? Where was she when the Dark Elves had attacked both Asgard and Earth in order to get their hands on the Aether (or Reality Stone) in "THOR: THE DARK WORLD"? Where was she when Loki and the Chitauri attempted to invade Earth in "THE AVENGERS"? Where was she when Ultron threatened the Earth in "THE AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON"? Where was she during all of these major galactic crisis? The more I think about this, the more I realize that Carol's origin story should have been set after the recent MCU film, "THE AVENGERS: ENDGAME". Despite my complaints about "CAPTAIN MARVEL", I did enjoy it. The movie had enough virtues for me to do so, especially an entertaining adventure set in both outer space and on Earth. I also thought the screenwriters, which included directors Anna Boden and Ryan Fleck had created an engaging and interesting mystery that surrounded the protagonist's past and origin of her abilities."CAPTAIN MARVEL" also featured some impressive action sequences and first-rate performances from a cast led by Brie Larson. I do look forward to seeing this movie again.

[videofeed]

Wonder Woman: 10 Most Hilarious Memes Of All Time https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sbr4bR7wk-Q As a beloved comic character, DC's Wonder Woman has touched the lives of numerous folks. Naturally, this translates to plenty of hilarious memes. [fwduvp preset_id="modern-skin-dark_videofeed_playlist" playlist_id="Wonder Woman"] One of the most beloved characters in DC Comics and all of fiction is Diana Prince, a.okay.a. Wonder Woman, who solely continues to develop in reputation yearly. From comics to having adventures on-screen, notably with Gal Gadot’s version within the DCEU, Wonder Woman has a large fanbase all worldwide. And with such a giant fandom behind her, comes the joy of fan-art and memes. While there actually many nice aspects to Diana’s persona, just like with another character, there are few issues that can be taken comedically. In many ways, memes serve as companion items to characters like Wonder Woman. With that stated, these are simply 10 of the most hilarious Wonder Woman memes of all time. While the Marvel Universe has Steve Rogers, a.okay.a. Captain America, the DC Universe has Steve Trevor as its most iconic Steve and the love of Diana Prince. With both characters having appeared on the big display, they have each, sadly, hit a similar tragic destiny that involved planes. Even though one in all them got here again almost a decade later, Trevor wasn’t as fortunate. But given that he's in Wonder Woman 1984, maybe he will have a second chance at life. Whenever someone is capturing at Diana, it’s at all times wonderful to see her deflect any bullet with her famous gauntlets. But as visually wonderful as it appears, there may be one factor that loads of Wonder Woman tales don’t take into the account: whenever a bullet is bounced off, it has to go someplace. This meme completely exemplifies how, realistically, someone may very well be hurt and even killed if Diana isn’t conscious of her surroundings. Since they both joined the cinematic display, Wonder Woman and Captain America have had some wonderful battle sequences that involve their shields. However, there is one hero that exists within the MCU who has his personal model of a defend that Diana and Steve probably would not approve of. While it certainly wasn't on purpose, Hawkeye did, kind of,use Quicksilver as a human defend within the events of Avengers: Age of Ultron. Had Diana been there when Quicksilver bit the mud, she probably would have had a word or two with Hawkeye. The scenes with Diana as a child was one of the most compelling aspects of her first movie as viewers obtained to observe her life on Themyscira from childhood. One of the most memorable components was how decided young Diana was to become a real Amazon and start her coaching. Had Captain America been round to hear Diana demand a shield of her personal, she and Steve would have grown to be friends fairly shortly. Diana made her DCEU debut in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice as the DC Trinity came collectively for the primary time in live-action. While she solely had a handful of scenes, Diana actually played a giant role within the final act. As Superman and Batman are pressured to tackle Doomsday, Diana makesher Wonder Woman debut and joins the duo in taking him down. In real life,it's fun to see actors from competing universes collectively. With themany award exhibits that exist today, there may be always the possibility for actors of the DC and Marvel universe to be put collectively when, for example, presenting an award. At one level,Gadot introduced an award alongsideThor star Chris Hemsworth and it is secure to say that the one-factorfollowers noticedwas Thor and Wonder Woman being on stage collectively. While Steve and Diana are the principal couples within the Wonder Woman mythology, the heroineadditionally hasa history with her fellow Justice League ally Batman. With some media variations depicting them extra in a romantic spotlight, therehas always been a deep connection between the two. When they first shared the screen in Batman v Superman, that chemistry was felt immediately. Even if Bruce would not admit it to anybody, it wouldn't shock anybody if he would unleash hell upon anybody who dared to harm Diana. If you live in the DC Universe and even take into consideration attempting to disrespect Wonder Woman, expect the Dark Knight to come your manner with a fist of great fury. Any true Wonder Woman fan in the world loves her iconic invisible jet that has been within the comics in addition to several media iterations. But as impressive as an invisible jet is on paper, what occurs if someone forgets the place they parked it? It has always been hilarious how easy it's for Wonder Woman to recollect where she put the jet despite it being invisible. A popular saying is to only be your self as there is no one else an individual should attempt to be other than whothey're. But if anybody had the choice to be a superhero like Wonder Woman, who would not take that chance? If Leonardo DiCapriobelieves that's the greatest course of action, then who might possibly disagree? There are many things to like about Diana Prince, no matter which model it's. Whether it is her magnificence or her godlike strength, it is wise to like Wonder Woman for all that she is. If someone is silly sufficient to underestimate Wonder Woman or neglect any of her wonderful character traits, then they might find yourself with a punchto the face.

[popcornblotter]

Wonder Woman Review

Anyone who knows me personally will tell you that I’ve been fairly negative towards Warner Brother’s DCEU (DC Extended Universe). I’ve never finished Man of Steel, thought Batman v Superman was passible at best, and couldn’t stand Suicide Squad. I know that they’re trying to go for more of a grittier tone with films as opposed to Marvel. In a few reviews, I’ve confessed as being a big fan of the MCU (Marvel Cinematic Universe) with it’s fairly light tone, witty writing and great characters.

After Suicide Squad, I’d told myself that was the last DCEU film I’d see. After a while there was only so much you can sit through expecting things to get better. I knew Wonder Woman was coming, with the sites and YouTube Channels I follow, it would be hard not to. Again, I told myself I’d pass on it, the first initial trailers weren’t doing much for me until about two weeks ago. If you’re ingrained enough in the film world you start to see patterns in how studios will release their marketing. About 6-8 months from release, they’ll release a teaser trailer, a few months later, release a full length trailer, and about two weeks until the film’s release they start going crazy with TV and internet spots, and something about the last batch of spots grabbed me and persuaded me to see this film. In short, I’m glad I didn’t miss this film.

Wonder Woman is a breath of fresh air compared to it’s previous counterparts. Patty Jenkins is able to bring wonder, pun intended, to a film universe that has been lacking in my opinion.

So a short synopsis for those not in the know. Diana, princess of the Amazons, played by Gal Gadot, lives on a hidden island, with her mother, aunt, and other Amazonian warriors. When a pilot, Steve Trevor, played by Chris Pine, crashes near their borders, Diana rushes in to help. But with Pine he brings grave news of a war to end all wars. With Diana knowing she can’t stand by and let innocent people die, she leaves with Trevor to fight.

What particularly shines in this film is the acting, specifically Gadot and Pine. They have great chemistry together, and great comedic timing for the when moment is needed. I’ve been a fan of Chris Pine ever since the first Star Trek film, but was relatively unfamiliar with Gal Gadot. Only seeing her in Batman v Superman was the only reference point I had. In that, I thought she was fine, with the small part she had. But she brings a light of innocence and righteousness I’ve only seen in actors like Chris Evans playing Captain America. No matter what, she does what she thinks is right, and doesn’t give a damn what you think. The conviction that Gadot plays is wonderful and hopeful against a bleak backdrop of World War 1 Europe. Along the way we also get to know a few comrades of Trevor’s, the other men you see in the picture from Batman v Superman.

As far as the story goes, I enjoyed it very much. It is an origin story, and I read and hear from a lot of other people who are tired of origin stories. I get it from a certain point of view, but for someone like myself who isn’t too familiar with DC characters outside of Superman and Batman, I didn’t mind it. It also gave me a little spark of excitement since the backstory of Wonder Woman is based in Greek mythology, and when I was younger, I became enthralled with the subject.

Next I have to talk about the directing. Before she was named the director of this film, I didn’t know who Patty Jenkins was. I think she did a phenomenal job with this film. She gave a great balance to everything from Diana’s time with the Amazons, to her relationship with Trevor, the comedy, and the action. If you’ve watched any of the trailers, there is a shot of when Diana climbs a ladder out of a trench onto a battlefield. I thought it was a cool shot for the trailer and didn’t think too much of it after that. But when you see it in the film, holy shit! Between the editing, the cinematography, and the music, it’s one of the best action sequences I’ve seen in some time. It gives you so much joy and energy, I could barely contain myself. How the plot unfolded, the characters, the music, the photography, and the acting is great!

I will say there were two things I didn’t really care for. One doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with the movie itself, but I wanted to talk about it. When the studio credits are rolling before the film, the DC one comes on and it seems to be taking inspiration from another comic book company turned movie studio’s studio credit. With images and logos from some of the company’s famous characters, fading in and out until you see the logo at the end. I’m not saying it’s bad, it was just a tiny thing that irked me. The second is a quick moment between two of the villains. I won’t go into detail for the sake of spoilers, but the characters are talking, and then they start to laugh and titter like a cartoon villain, I thought it was an odd choice.

If you’re a DC fan, I’m sure you’ll like this. If you’ve been disappointed by previous installments, go see this. If you’re not a fan of these types of movies, I’m sure there is something you can enjoy in this movie.

Overall, I thought this movie was great! It gave all of the heart, compassion, drama, and comedy I’d been hoping DC films would get to eventually. Wonder Woman leaves me hopeful for the DCEU, and kind of makes me want to watch Batman v Superman to see if there’s anything more I can get out of it. And it is definitely got me excited to see Justice League in the fall to see where Diana’s character has gone since the events of this film. This is one I’m for sure picking up on Blu-ray.

[slayerbook]

The Dark Knight Eviscerated

Here’s a thought that’s been nagging at me awhile now:

The Dark Knight Returns is the ultimate Batman story. And a significant, worthy piece of Western fiction. The cartoon movie, however, makes some baffling choices.

It’s probably my favorite Bat movie (after the Batman ‘66 one). I’m famously picky about Bat movies. I think Tim Burton’s Batman flicks are basically worthless — influential and significant, but crappy. And the Nolan ones are no fun: No scene can be summarized as “Bad guys are doing bad shit, then Batman drops in and kicks much ass.” (Captain America: The Winter Soldier is a much better Batman movie than any of the Batman movies. And the Bat fights in Bats v. Supes sure are swell, but...)

So unlike ALL other Batmovies, proper director Joy Oliva gave the cartoon Dark Knight Returns enough good action to satisfy. Still: over time, those choices gnawed at me. Some consciously, some not.

The cast is swell, but voice acting is disjointed and awful. Voice Director Andrea Romano is an hero in animation, but man, I don’t understand what she OK’d here. Peter Weller, Robocop himself, voices Bruce. He said he didn’t even read the comics, because he wanted to do his own thing with it. Oooof. I wish he had read it.

But more important: The script. Two things I can't get over, one obvious, one subtle but significant:

One: Cutting the narration, bad choice: If you're going to make a movie from the book, do it. Don't make it something else. Cutting the narration is like them adapting Year One, but totally changing the art style (only to use it in the credits,as if to say "Yeah, we coulda done that, but this is OUR shit — great, right?!"). But here's the one(s) I noticed this month, when I caught it on HBO:

Two, and here’s the kicker: The adaptation does everything it can to soften the political content. And the political content is essential. Not only does the adaptation remove the Bruce quote that serves as a thesis:

Bruce to Clark: "You say yes to anybody with a badge & a flag."

It also removes a nearby line from Oliver, who calls the police “fascist sons of bitches!"

The “badge & a flag” line is replaced with a couple utterly toothless, vague lines about being obedient to the wrong kind of authority. The changes remind me of Alan Moore objecting to V for Vendetta adaptation because the movie fails to mention fascism.

So, in conclusion, the Dark Knight Returns cartoon has stellar action, but fails because it won't say what the book does. The cartoon tells the story, but reduces it to a clash between two big superheroes — two essential American ideologies, not so much.

And I get it: What do you expect from a corporate cartoon?

But still, you know? If you're gonna do the thing, do the thing.

— BONUS: Here’s my full Winter Soldier vs. Nolan Batman piece, after the jump

I wrote this when Winter Solider was a new release, for Diffuser, which tried to be the AV Club for a minute, before the bosses stepped in and f*cked it up:

Captain America Out-Batmans Batman, and It Didn’t Take Much

It’s on. Captain America will go head-to-head against Batman and Superman in the DC heroes’ all-but-guaranteed megasmash crossover, when both franchises' next movies are released on the same day, May 6, 2016. Improbably, brand loyalty notwithstanding, Cap has the advantage if you’re waiting for an emotionally charged, kick-ass thrillride.

 Providing three-or-more thrills a minute, the pulse-pounding new “Captain America: The Winter Soldier” retroactively reduces all Batman movies’ scores by two letter grades. (OK, 2008’s “The Dark Knight” only loses one letter, for reasons we’ll get into). If “Winter Soldier” isn’t the best Super Hero Movie, Super Hero Action Movie, and Comic Book Movie, then it’s certainly in the top 3, in contention with “The Avengers,” “Scott Pilgrim vs. the World,” and M. Night Shylaman’s underrecognized “Unbreakable” — but definitely not Chris Nolan’s Bat-movies (or Bat-writer David Goyer’s mixed-bag of a Superman reboot, 2013’s “Man of Steel”).

 Captain America’s dark return once and for all shines a spotlight on the glaring fact that Batfans have been hesitant to acknowledge since Tim Burton’s slavishly overrated 1989 Batman: On the big screen, Batman has never been presented as an action hero.

 Both modern Batman franchises have been propelled into cult status through heroic applications of geek gratitude: A decent, dark Batman movie is better than no Batman movie. So the fanboys eat them up. And the people who don’t know any better embrace them as well.

 In retrospect, the Batmovies from the 1980s and ’90s paved the way for the superhero movie as we know it. But as Batmovies, they’re thorough failures. Burton’s first “Batman” was an art film with roughly thirty seconds of action, half of which involved Batman firing machine guns at Jack Nicholson, who was impersonating Daffy Duck, but somehow passed off himself off as the Joker. Clad in a rubber suit, Michael Keaton’s Batman punches a couple guys and almost randomly squares off with a Joker goon who has some martial arts training… for about six seconds.

 Batman 1989 Trailer:

http://youtu.be/HlsM2_8u_mk

 And the rest of the old-school Bat franchise is downhill from there. By 1997’s “Batman and Robin,” even with action icon Arnold Schwarzenneger in tow, the movies had developed into a campy drag-queen aesthetic. The universally derided — yet financially successful — final installment did more justice to Uma Thurman’s Poison Ivy than Batman or Bane. (In itself, there’s nothing wrong with that vibe, but it’s not what anybody wants in a Batflick.) At least Michael Keaton aced the brooding aspect of Batman. With George frickin’ Clooney and Val Kilmer in the Batman role, these supposed action flicks become costume fantasies that are invested in the idea that a person can put on a costume and suddenly become somebody completely different. And maybe that works at night clubs, but not when you’re fighting crime.

 At the heart of those Batflicks is a willful blind eye to physical reality: Someone who spent his whole life training to become Batman would not look — or move — like Keaton, Clooney, or Kilmer. Those movies barely pass the actors off as a billionaire playboy. And the action? Forget about it. The “Batman [’66]” TV series holds up better.

 That said, physical reality didn’t serve the Nolan Batmovies well, either. In 2005, “Batman Begins” provides a origin tale of young Bruce Wayne as a brawler-turned-ninja. And while it features some respectable action scenes, they’re not anything to make a viewer cringe or rewind and watch again. True, Nolan finally depicts Bruce Wayne as a guy who does some pushups. And real martial arts are in the mix, albeit with some stiff choreography.

 Batman Begins, Bruce Wayne escapes the League of Shadows… or does he?

http://youtu.be/Z8tysDC31Yo

 In 2008, the overlong “The Dark Knight” staged a couple swell action sequences, but they weren’t essentially rooted in Batman’s character. The most memorable IMAX-size scene is the Joker’s escape from a police van. In this second outing, Batman doesn’t emerge as an Olympic-level athlete. In fact, the plot’s tech-heavy resolution doesn’t make a very good case for Batman as a Sherlock Holmes-caliber detective, either. The guy in the costume is not doing what Batman is famous for doing.

 Dark Knight Van 2

http://youtu.be/Zg1cDKYmK98

 And the controversial misfire that was 2012 “The Dark Knight Rises”? Batman does fight more in it, but it’s nothing to blog about. Squaring off time and again, Batman and Bane trade rudimentary martial arts moves. The fighting style is realistic for a couple guys that size, but it’s dull.

 Batman’s big move is a thrusting front kick, which he uses over and over again. The technique is devastating when it connects, but you can see it coming all the way from the Triskelion. Batman’s first fight with Bane would be slightly more exciting if was really shot in total darkness. The movie’s climax involves a big vehicle chase, in which a weaponized camo SUV lobs a half-dozen slow-arcing, heat-seeking missiles at the Batwing. And it zooms away. Big whoop. Catwoman’s action had better choreography and revealed more about her character. At some point, Nolan deluded himself into imagining he was making a James Bond movie. “Dark Knight Rises”’ most memorable action sequences involve…

 1) Bane hijacking a plane (with Batman nowhere in sight).

 2) Hines Ward running back a kickoff for a touchdown as a football stadium collapses behind him (with Batman nowhere in sight).

 And

 3) Bane punching the sh*t out of a Tuscan column (instead of turning around, zeroing in on Batman, and displacing the rest of the Bat’s spinal column).

 Bane vs. the Architecture

http://youtu.be/DImh0ac-jdQ

 After all that realistic fighting, Bane can suddenly barehandedly dismantle a stone column? Now, obviously, Nolan made a decision to root his Batmovies in reality. But who cares? What’s more exciting? Tom Hardy, Chris Nolan, and very few invisible wires? Or this boss fight from the videogame “Batman: Arkham Origins”?

 http://youtu.be/OqEqN17zW8s

 Batman, obviously, has endless potential as an action hero. And it’s not like it can’t be done. The only Batman movie with real action scenes that will make you applaud, duck, and empathetically wince is the 2013 adaptation of Frank Miller’s game-changing mini-series “The Dark Knight Returns.” Director Jay Oliva researched real-life muay Thai and mixed-martials arts techniques to choreograph larger-than-life action scenes like Batman taking out an entire SWAT team (granted, they have the aim of Imperial Stormtroopers) and dissecting a feral gang leader who’s bigger and fiercer than Bane:

 Bats vs. Mutants

http://youtu.be/RV18kZIBBZA

 In the movie’s adaptation of the greatest fight in comic-book history, Batman defeats Superman in visceral hand-to-hand combat. (More or less: Bats is wearing an armored suit, and Superman is weakened from a previous nuclear explosion.) Maybe bringing the ultimate Batman story to life requires a cartoon, but maybe not.

 Dark Knight Returns, Supes-Bats pt 2, including steamroller

http://youtu.be/OYBClxNR_fU

 In Rocksteady’s “Arkham Knight,” photorealistic CGI turns Batman into a high-flying, car-jumping, slow-mo leaping, gang-punching, bullet-dodging, man of action (with the aid of some brilliant writing on par with Nolan & Goyer’s best).

 Batman Arkham Knight Trailer

http://youtu.be/wsf78BS9VE0

 Presumably, Goyer’s upcoming Batman-Superman reboot will take its cues from “Man of Steel” and deliver some superspeed hand-to-hand combat. But as of now, no Batmovie’s action scene can be roughly described thusly: “Batman swoops in out of nowhere and punches the bejeezus out of a bunch of dudes in a nimble, über-athletic manner.” No, if you want that kind of action, you need to see “Captain America: The Winter Solider.”

 If you experienced seen the movie yet, we know it sounds suspect. “Captain America: The First Avenger” was a good super hero origin story. But it wasn’t an earth-shaker. Not like “The Avengers, “which sets the bar on superhuman, comic book-style, truly-epic-scale action. But “Cap2ain America” brings the pain better than any franchise since the “Bourne” movies. The action in the new Cap flick isn’t about the Hulk and Thor taking down an invading alien army. No, in “Winter Soldier,” simply put, the characters — guys and girls — kick ass.

 Cap ship scene:

http://youtu.be/6k0kkSHiiPE

 Now that is “Hero drops in from the darkness and punches the bejeezus out of a bunch of dudes in a nimble, über-athletic manner.” The first ten minutes of “Winter Soldier” present Cap as an unstoppable fighter who thinks as fast has he moves. No slow build. The credits roll, and bam. Cap takes out an elite commando unit almost singlehandedly. It’s an apples-to-oranges comparison, but Batroc the Leaper has more moves than Nolan’s Batman.

 Cap vs. Batroc:

http://youtu.be/aHh0XaW0UyQ

 In one fight after another, Captain Rogers, his allies, and foes sinker deeper into a disorienting world of intrigue and escalating stakes. And Cap’s small crew of well-defined characters convincingly fight like they’re in an MMA cage. Flying knee-smashes. Lethal acrobatics. Interpersonal hand-to-hand combat that will leave you ducking in your seat. Intricate weapons-play that might not be believable, but is sure as hell memorable. Captain America even walks up to Batman’s home turf and makes it his. Contrast these two rooftop scenes:

 Cap rooftop scene:

http://youtu.be/zyUTeZVnd2w

 Dark Knight Returns Rooftop Scene:

http://youtu.be/D1zBw86sPk8

 Guess whose is more awesome? Again, perhaps not physically plausible, but awesome. Even without Cap running through walls, which one is more likely to make you want to watch it twice?

 In Nolan’s Batmovies, the Bat Tumbler may have provided some highlights. Batman sures operates motor vehicles a lot. But contrast the Bat-chases with this motorcycle scene from “Winter Soldier.” Of course, nobody could really singlehandedly take out a fighter jet. But the movie makes you believe — if only for a moment — that Steve Rogers could. The real “Superman” movie made a generation believe a man could fly. And the Nolan Batmovies? They’ll make you believe a man can hop into a small flying vehicle and zoom away.

 Cap vs. Jet:

http://youtu.be/RYSgkqc9EWI

 If Goyer and Nolan have seen “Winter Soldier,” they should be losing sleep over it. The spent around $600 million to make three movies that are memorable mostly for their ambience and an unforgettable Heath Ledger performance. Compared to “Winter Solider,” the Nolan Batman films represent the largest wasted opportunity since the “Star Wars Episodes I-III: The Jar-Jar Trilogy.” The ball’s in your court, Bats. We’re eagerly awaiting your response.