#no toddlers running around

[golvio]

Headcanon rambling ahoy, inspired by my thoughts from a Twitter thread that I had no room for, about a topic that people might not be interested in/care to hear contrasting headcanons about.

Again, this is a headcanon, not a theory or assertion I expect anyone to take as fact. These are my personal opinions on the matter, feel free to ignore them if you disagree with them.

Am I the only person who doesn’t really see Ganondorf as “dad” material? Besides the fact that he seems absolutely uninterested in procreation, much less marrying a queen or even having girlfriends. It feels like all the popular headcanons I’ve seen involve him having a gaggle of concubines and a million biokids, or he’s constantly adopting the younger iterations of Zelda & Link after being overwhelmed by paternal instinct, but…I just don’t see it. Like, I get that one scene with him tucking in an unconscious Tetra in Wind Waker resonated with a lot of people, but I feel like whatever sympathy he felt for Tetra was a very special case, given how he’s drawn to people he feels he has something in common with, particularly some sort of loss or denial of one’s ambitions or potential by The Gods/fate/Hylia herself/the royal family/whatever.

His aversion to/complete lack of interest in cishetero entanglements in every game he’s been in is to the point where, even if he’s not necessarily not attracted to women, I feel like there’s something about Gerudo culture that means marriage or even a totally informal romantic/sexual relationship with a woman would severely limit his personal and political autonomy as king. Also, the guy intends to live forever. He can’t really do that when he has a bunch of snotty, spoiled little blood descendants getting all uppity about their inheritance and trying to off him because he won’t get his ancient butt off that throne. Why on earth would a guy concerned with that carelessly spray his gametes around like some medieval European monarch?

The guy’s not even willing to marry a woman for political reasons! Not even for a land or cash grab from a rich and powerful family, or to stabilize relations with a warring kingdom, or to solidify his claim to a land he conquered, which was the only reason why nobles ever got married back then. He has kidnapped Zelda a million times, but has never once breathed a word about marrying her despite his whole schtick being the ultranationalist “Big Scary Foreigner Man Threatens Our Nation’s Fair, Nubile Women.”

I really do believe that one of the big reasons he keeps cutting ties with the Gerudo, beyond the political disagreements and murder and starting/continuing multiple wars, is that he cannot stand the pressure put on him as king to marry and make babies. He loves his culture. He loves his position. He loves his people (provided they respect him, keep their hands to themselves, and let him be in charge of everything). But he does not love the prospect of being passed off to someone like a prized breeding bull just because the elders of every tribe in the Gerudo region got together and decided she’d be the best candidate for queen.

And then there’s my general read on his personality. I can see him being the owner of many dangerous pets who he spoils rotten. I can see him tending a garden outside his castle full of brightly flowering ornamental plants (which are also very dangerous and would probably kill anyone who didn’t take the proper safety precautions). But I can’t see him raising a kid, whether from infancy or adopted at an older age. If he tried, he’d probably be really bad at it. The guy’s practically oozing generational trauma instead of sebum from the oil glands in his skin, getting it on everything he touches. He’s gotta sort his own business out before even considering taking on someone else’s. 😅

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 225

Klarion is EXCITED. He's absolutely DELIGHTED even, unable to sit still as he flits from place to place. His baby cousin! Is! Visiting! Which OBVIOUSLY means he, as the older one, must make sure the main places are still standing so he can show his itty bitty baby cousin EVERYTHING! After all, he's never gotten to be the older one! He's always been the youngest in the family! But now he has an itty bitty toddler cousin- form recently shifted to match- to teach the ways of Chaos to! He's so EXCITED!

The League and heroes on the other hand, are Very concerned about Why the Witch Boy has been spotted in practically every major city in the US in the last few days. What is he planning?!

[emacrow]

The quest to find all the Dannies(Gotta catch them all)

Batman just got back, carrying the feral pun-making toddler still growling at him as he clenched harder on glove that he had to remove to satisfy the feral child.

Considering Joker's pride will be damaged for a while after he got sended in an ambulance to the emergency ER after the painful beating of his life and out pun- lashing he gained from this toddler.

"Back up, mister I am batman, more like a wannabe who obsessed with bats to become them."

Only to noticed Oracle holding the very same toddler who kept calling her Jazz,(are they twins?) Tim is trying to distract another one who trying to touch buttons on the Batcomputer.(triplet???)

Father, I'm keeping this-" damian came down still in his garden uniform, holding another toddler covered in dirt but he quickly noticed the other three toddler everyone else was holding.

"Possibly a meta ability gone wrong?" Tim chirped a bit as he picked up the toddler who whined about tucker not letting him touch the fancy buttons on his new computer.

"His name is danny, and he seems to be running from some people out to get him, and it wasn't safe to stay put together." Oracle said as she wheeled a bit, carrying the supposed danny mumbled softly before glancing worried at the danny in Batman's arms.

"He could have split himself into mini clones?" Tim suggested after giving the kid his spare 3ds.

"Split himself between personality wise, I believe, considering I'm not the jazz he is looking for, you're not tucker, Cass found four during her patrol, Duke got two following him around and I believe batman found the feral one..." Oracle said as she trail off a bit which wasn't good news.

"Some of the rogues also found a couple dannies.."

Previous Original post <- here

[fairweathermyth]

THE NEWSREADER 1.03 The White Marquis Matinee Jacket

[slashthrashandcrash]

Ah you're backt to da computer, I request the babies (Ramona and Leigon) in their ghostface Halloween costumes following/terrorizing Danny.

He's thrilled!

[cerubean]

the boys had a fun day at the beach

[bambiraptorx]

It's been like a month since I made an update for the get babied saga so here ya go

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 (Part 5) Part 6

also, bonus:

[sincerely-sofie]

Been slowly learning ASL over the years for my niece and I might still struggle to introduce myself or express basic emotions, but oh boy do I ever have the sign for every animal she's ever laid eyes on memorized better than my own name.

[spaciebabie]

the character development and world building for my story are so good guys. believe me. what i see in my head is crazy. im having like. biblical level visions of my funny characters running around bludgeoning each other and dying

[cumbutton]

meh. something else i liked

[wttcsms]

you need to read blue lock bc i am telling you, if you love silly, unserious lil guys, wait til you hear that there is a professional team that our main characters play for that literally has them running around a field, sporting jerseys that say BASTARD really big on the front!!!!!!!!!!

[dirtytransmasc]

I have this HC for spider that I need to get out of my skull.

he was a cuddly baby. like, you could hold him, snuggle, even nap with him all day without a single complaint. he soaked up any and all physical affection he could.

now this isn't to mistake him with a sleepy baby, no no, he was something much more dangerous; he was the type of baby that would trick you into holding him all day, basically hiding his energy,, until you go to put him to bed, and he's up and running loops around you for hours.

basically, he was the perfect cuddle buddy, but he was also a ticking time bomb, because its so hard to tell when he needed to be held and given down time/a nap (cause he was god awful if he was over tired), when he just going with being held, and when he just wanted to be held (against the better judgment of his sleep schedule).

[spikes-got-anger-issues]

Why did Spike run like that 😭

[rainbow-femme]

When I was in high school I used to watch those Lifetime and Lifetime-adjacent movies after school

My favorite was one where a woman had a toddler but it died, I think it wandered away from her in the woods and drowned in a creek or something

A couple years later she has a new baby, but discovers the new baby is possessed by the spirit of the old baby that wants revenge on her for letting it die, so this woman spends the movie having beef with a physical and metaphysical baby

Because again this is not the spirit of a fully grown serial killer that possessed a baby with full adult sentience, this is a baby being possessed by a slightly older baby

I think in the end she exorcised the one baby out of the other baby but also died, which to me implies round two of Adult Woman Vs Baby but now on the baby’s home turf of the afterlife, but sadly we do not get that sequel

[lesbianlenas]

adhd hitting hard rn. i feel like my head is one of those kids toys w the balls in them that rattle when you walk it around. hold on. ok this thing i feel like this is what my brain is

[sonknuxadow]

i know that canonically shadow just popped out of the tube with the body and mind of a teenager but i still like to think that he was a little baby at some point i love the idea of maria and her fucked up little cat baby brother thing way too much sorry