#no the hell it ain't

[mortimermcmirestinks]

I've connected them

[ravenmccookies]

Weird phenomenon I've seen on tumblr

[chalkrub]

putting my response to the palette challenge from oc-tober on da main blog because it accidentally became a full illustration. whoops. but this palette is like a brother to me and it fit mendel so well...what was i to do

[seventh-district]

Making Incorrect H:SR Quotes Until I Run Out of (hopefully) Original Ideas - Pt. 4 - Nuthin' but Boothill Edition

[Pt. 1] [Pt. 2] [Pt. 3] [Pt. 5] [Pt. 6]

[ministarfruit]

day 28: made you smile ♡

(femslashfeb prompt list)

[da-shrimping-station]

Mammon would've looked good with red eyeshadow 🤔 given that his aesthetic is Asian inspired and it would be a pretty good accent color among the black n gold

(drew over some pics to see how it looks like)

im glad he doesn't have it or i would've been down bad HORRENDOUS for this man

he's already one of my fave Kings so far, right next to Lucifer (still waiting on the other 2 to be released)

but yea from this point on, if i do draw him imma put the red eyeshadow 😋

[ninihousebears3000]

HR Department! reader X Alucard

A goodnight kiss.

Pulling an all-nighter causes you to hear strange things.

CW: No warnings!

It's quite late.

You had to agree with the voice in your head. Pulling overtime was necessary considering how your workload suddenly increased. Now you're bookkeeper another responsibility on your plate. Computerizing this ancient system that the organization was barely running on was your mission. But efficiency is your reputation and you wouldn't be able to sleep knowing that things were left in limbo.

Rest, work will be here tomorrow but you won't be here much longer if you keep going on like this.

Morbid but true. Maybe some coffee will give you clarity? After all your computer screen began looking less and less clear. You were certain it was working just fine a moment ago. Standing up you grab your favorite mug off your desk heading to your in-office coffee machine. Walter had refused to use k-cups opting to brew a fresh pot for you every day. But he would cut you off after two cups so for your third and fourth cups you used your K-cups from home.

You placed your mug on the machine instinctively reaching for the box of k-cups. Only to be met with empty space. "What the hell?" You had a full box where did it go? Checking in the cabinets, your bag, and drawers, not a single K-cup could be found. Even your coat pocket didn't have an emergency K-cup. "Perhaps there's some upstairs?" Thinking aloud was your tendency nowadays since this was your own private office. Although, a few more employees and an assistant would be very helpful. Being the head of the human resources department doesn't mean much if you're the only employee.

You thought to yourself as you left your office walking through the basement.

"An office near civilization would be nice."

You retorted walking past the many cells in the dungeon. You know Seras' room is near here. "I wonder what she's up to?" You appreciate her company she seems chipper than most considering her situation. At times you can tell she just wants another person to talk to. It does pain you that she pops in at the busiest of times. It's only been a few weeks since the Police Girl ‘joined’. You did try advocating for her to have a change of uniform and to be at least called by her real name. Those were still ongoing battles.

Then there was Alucard. You're still trying to get a one-on-one meeting about his workplace misconduct. It's difficult to arrange anything with him he has no email! An audible groaning sigh escaped you.

Your thoughts kept you entertained as you finally made it to the kitchen. Normally, there would be servants and other staff members but the only remaining people here were the residents and the perimeter guards. Of course, the ones in the surveillance room which felt weird to think about them watching you right now.

Of course, there was no leftover coffee left so you were having to pull off your lazy slacks and brew some yourself.

Coffee at this hour? Your sleep will surely be ruined. The sun rises in only a few hours. How about lemon ginger tea?

You took your mug and started rinsing out the old coffee stains. Possibly something else for a change?

When you were filling up your mug with cold water to get the last of the stains out. You jolted the mug towards your face splashing your face with cold water. The sensation still shocked you but woke you up for certain.

"My voice is deep but why is my thought voice that deep?" Was delirium setting in? Or was someone truly talking to you? You can see why Sir Penwood said this place can be maddening. Instead of coffee or tea, you opted for ice-cold orange juice and a leftover banana nut muffin. The sugar should help until you find a stopping point. Plus the leftover wetness on your shirt can help keep you awake. Seems like you would be spending the night Walter gave you a ride since your car was practically living in the shop at this point.

Almost three in the morning the voice in your head was right about it being very late. By the time you returned, you finished the muffin and chugged the juice as soon as you sat down. Just one more paragraph to type and you can call it a night.

You've had worse nights from your undergrad years!

Cracking your knuckles your nimble fingers went back to work.

Sugar can't stop sleep deprivation.

There it was again! You can ignore it! Fight on you're the head of the human resources department!

What's the harm?

Just close your eyes for a few minutes.

You never noticed how soothing the baritone voice was until now. An eye break couldn't hurt, right?

That's right little human. Just close those pretty eyes.

The computer screen was looking warped in ways you've never seen a screen do before. Your lids were heavier and you were leaning on your arms at this point.

"But I am not finished yet." Trying to fight this heavy exhaustion was increasingly difficult. Before you knew it your head was using your arms as a pillow and the desk was a bed.

Everything will be fine little human.

"I am six feet." Your eyes closed for the final time. The heat from the cardigan now placed on your shoulders reminded you of the blanket on your soft bed.

Shh, sleep little human.

Wait, your cardigan was on the back of your chair!

Now be a good little human and stay asleep.

Hot breath grazed your exposed neck along with a hissing noise. You reached for the pistol underneath your desk and fired a shot at the source of this strange body heat. To your surprise you found Hellsing's trump card sitting on the ground in the corner of your office. Thankfully, Walter gave you a pistol strangely you asked for a silencer.

"ALUCARD! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY WORKPLACE MISCONDUCT VIOLATIONS YOU STACKED UP!" Panting and filled with rage you kept your gun aimed at him.

"You know those blessed bullets do hurt." He was bleeding out of his left shoulder. Despite that, his face held an awful grin.

"YOU WERE TRYING TO DRINK MY BLOOD! AND YOU HAVE BEEN IN MY HEAD!" You never thought your first meeting with Alucard was going to be him nearly drinking your blood.

"Shh, you're louder than Police Girl." His nonchalant attitude was getting on your nerves. "Consider it a goodnight kiss little human." Alucard stood to his full height seeing how he still regarded you as little.

"We need to address some misconduct violations." Was this going to be your only chance to talk to him?

"I don't think your department applies to me." He began to walk past you. "Now if you'll excuse me the sun will be rising soon." But your reflexes were being kind to you. Opening your drawer you pulled out a thick binder and flipped to the middle of it pointing at a document.

"You and Seras Victoria fall into this category of employee." He leaned down to read it. His crimson eyes bounced up to yours and then to the book again. "Did you just call me a police dog?" A hint of irritation was in his tone.

"Therefore you must follow the same guidelines as every employee here." You were the head of the human resources department you weren't going to let this misconduct run rampant anymore!

"Please have a seat Alucard." Alucard narrowed his eyes at you and then smirked. "Alright then HR." He smirked while sitting down crossing his legs in the seat in front of your desk. While you grabbed your chair that was pushed across the room after his initial introduction.

You weren’t expecting him to give in judging from what Seras and Walter had told you. But you can’t rest knowing you had the chance.

"Now shall we begin with boundaries."

[novelconcepts]

The more the show progresses, the more I want to see the 90s cast infiltrating the modern timeline. We've gotten hints of it with Shauna and her younger self, her Jackie hauntings. We've gotten a little more with adult Lottie seeing teenage Nat (and Laura Lee), and with Natalie getting teenage Lottie in her final moments. I want more. I want the teen cast to be absolutely invasive on pivotal adult moments, infecting their adult counterparts when least expected. I want Taissa's argument with Van to dissolve into their teenage selves, their bond endless and timeless and inescapable. I want Misty absolutely wrecked by young Natalie lurking around corners, watching from mirrors. I want to see these women unable to navigate adulthood without the specters of their teenage selves cropping up absolutely everywhere, more and more as they let the memories in, as they stop being able to repress the trauma. They didn't grow up. They never could. You are always doomed to regress around your high school teammates. You are haunted by the phantom elements of your misspent youth. It is a comfort, and it is a gift, and it is a trial, and it is a curse. I would love to see that reflected with greater intensity, until the lines blur, until the timelines have no choice but to intersect. They haven't escaped themselves at all. They didn't grow up. They just got older.

[actual-changeling]

hot take but the reason why beez and gabriel figured their shit out so quickly is because they both have a solid sense of who they are as a person and the relationships adds to that instead of threatening their sense of identity.

if, for some reason, they had landed on "yeah no we won't work" they would have been sad/disappointed/heartbroken, but ultimately beez is happy with who they are and so is gabriel. nina and maggie decided to NOT get into a relationship for the same reason, they respect themselves and each other enough to put personal growth and their mental health first instead of attempting to solve trauma responses and hypervigilance by making someone the turning point of their world.

aziraphale and crowley, on the other hand, aren't just dogshit at communicating, they have also build their sense of identity around each other and thus the thought of not being together automatically comes with a loss of personhood, trapping them in "i need them to live and will be destroyed if they're not with me". which is incredibly self-destructive and deeply unhealthy, and not a foundation for a functional relationship.

the solution to that is not to glue them together and call it a day, it's to allow both of them the space and grace to grow as individuals and develop a healthy sense of self so the relationship is build on mutual respect AND self respect.

[big-moon-little-moon]

out here living her best undead pirate captain life

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for sexually pleasing my girlfriend while driving?

So im a straight dude (pretty much) and no one knows this story for obvious reasons but I feel it’s ok to breach a bit of embarrassing privacy because it’s kinda funny in retrospect. Basically me and my ex gf had a wild ride during our time together (actually many wild rides haha) we were dating for a little over 2 years and one time while I was driving i ran off the road a little by accident and after a few minutes she shyly asked if I could do it again, I was confused but she explained that the vibration of the car from the little ridges on the side of the highway really got her off. I kinda giggled but was like sure why not. We would do this every time the highway was empty (we lived in a very rural area) and she cummed from it almost every time. After a while I was kinda worried about my tires and possibly getting pulled over but it was no big deal, I love to be able to entertain my girl’s weird fetish. I never touched her while driving but she did to herself. So I wasn’t distracted in any way

Everything was fine until one day she wanted to do it really bad when there were other cars around and I wasn’t going to at first but I was also really horny and didn’t care anymore, it caused a lot of cars to pass us and a few honked because I was going a little slow. A dick move yes but I don’t know if it’s really that different than another driver causing a ruckus for a normal reason. Honestly it was better when there were other cars around

We broke up because she cheated, I saw the new guy on instagram and they’ve been together for a year now… he has a truck but I don’t know if that has anything to do with it

[weepingtalecowboy]

Why is nobody talking about windy's basement

when it classifies as a horror movie location

Like the corridors looping in on themselves

The still murky water flooding the entire floor of the entire place

The walls

The rats that try to kill you

The lone ladders that led further into the maze

The gates that ominously close off parts of the basement

The vents

The fucking redeads that roam the random hole!?

Like…

If the chain got split with like windy and maybe legend (listen legend has been through a lot he deserves a break)

Just chilling in wind's house talking to the door butler (butler…door)

While The rest of the chain gets lost in the basement with the diseased water and fear for their life because as it turns out the walls look a bit too fragile to bomb because wherever they are if the walls collapse the entire thing goes down on them (wild was not happy)

Time wanted to be funny and antagonize the redeads and got bitten in return (because they apparently bite in wind waker… and are not blind passive predators)

Twilight was getting flashbacks when time started fighting for his life with a bunch of dead corpses

Warriors was very much afraid of rats after the ordeal

Hyrule was just having fun

Sky was completely drench in the very dirty and disgusting water and praying that he wouldn’t get sick

And four got sent into the vents because nobody else fitted inside to open the gates when needed

It was a very interesting experience

[hyacinthsdiamonds]

Saying that the gpda should go care about something important, as if they aren't - for the first time in DECADES - taking a definite stand against the sports governing body publicly for all to see, is something.

This goes beyond the jewellery, the underwear, or even the swearing. And their issue about being told not to wear jewellery and bring told what underwear is more about the fact that they were told by the media, rather than by the governing bodies themselves directly in a meeting where the drivers could share their perspectives.

They publicly called out the FIA President for his hypocrisy and for how he has spoken about the drivers both to their face and behind their backs.

Most importantly, they have publicly expressed their feelings about monetary fines, publicly stated that they have no idea what the FIA does with the money they receive from fining drivers, and called them out for it. There is zero transparency from the FIA in an issue we now know has been raised since at least 2021. What is the FIA hiding? Because there is no reason why the drivers should not be allowed to see where that money goes, or at least no legitimate reason.

[airy-mod]

I know this is probably the least of everyone's concerns but does anyone know what on EARTH this "Me" product is based off of.

It COULD be based on the Apple HomePod but it's missing that platform below it, so I'm a bit doubtful

plus if that's the case then it's literally just a speaker. I don't know why he's hyping the thing up so much

[thelovers-thedreamers-and-me]

fucked up that I'm not allowed to say "wait didn't you guys just get two new cars last summer" to my boss when she is telling me about the new car she's getting

[unicornpopcorn14]

Isn't it interesting how teen skk are like... way more tragic than their adult selves?