#no sidewalks and shitty drivers

[lycorid]

I want to get a harness and leash for my cats so I can take them for walks. They’d both love it.

I let my more skittish middle aged man go out on the deck with me when I put peanuts out for the birds and it’s gotten to the point that when he sees me get up in the morning and go to the kitchen he skips over to the door and meows nonstop. I only let him because his form of skittish isn’t “bolt at the speed of light” it’s “drop to the ground as low as possible and slink to a safe place (my room)” so even if he does somehow run past me he’ll hit the stairs or grass and immediately stop and start crying.

[prolibytherium]

Companies using """"""""AI"""""""" chatbots in place of customer service (usually with a veneer of pretending you are actually speaking to a real person, which might not be so immediately obvious to more tech illiterate people) pisses me off so bad because they are just SO fundamentally useless. The only information it can tell you is information more efficiently communicated with a FAQ page, and information that is Wrong because current chatbot technology is, in fact, not even slightly 'intelligent' and pretty damn bad at giving accurate answers to anything but the simplest questions.

Like there's no point to it besides hoping onto the flashy artificial 'intelligence' gimmick and paying for less customer service work hours, and so many companies will not only have this feature but make their actual customer service prohibitively difficult to find (and usually involving a labyrinth of automated phone menu systems that you have to navigate correctly in order to get to a person). Makes me want to kill.

[dilfsisko]

I love sidewalks I think we need more sidewalks in this world

[vamptastic]

y'know it's really fun genuinely knowing A Fucking Lot about my hometown whilst having everybody i talk to about local issues think im a big dumb stupid idiot because i look gay and therefore like, Woke and liberal. whatever have fun crying on facebook because you live near an apartment complex and there's no all-white schools to send your kids to. these people have literally zero grasp on reality outside of their own immediate comfort.

[lnfours]

you are in love | l.n

summary: the moment where you knew he was the one.

warnings: best friends to lovers au, shitty dates, language, a little bit of innuendos, and just pure, tooth rotting fluff.

masterlist | inbox | listen

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

you walked out of the restaurant, nails tapping against your screen as you walked on the sidewalk. there was a soft, warm breeze in the city of monaco as you stared down at your phone. your phone locked once you found somewhere to stand, out of the sight from the crowds, and specifically the guy you had left at the dinner table.

can you come get me?

it was almost ten. and if he wasn’t asleep, he was definitely doing better things with his time-

of course, where are you?

your heart pattered against your chest, your fingers moving to tell him the name of the street corner you were standing at. he had responded quickly after, saying he’d be there in five.

and he was, the mclaren pulling up besides you. he had the top open for the nighttime summer breeze to flow through. you stepped closer, opening the door and climbing in carefully before closing it behind you.

“you alright?” he asked, car still parked as he made sure he didn’t have to go back into the restaurant and give the guy a piece of his mind.

when you nodded, he let out a breath of relief, “i just really know how to pick ‘em, huh?”

he huffed out a laugh, pulling onto the road, “we could say that,” he looked back over at you as you looked out the window, “back to mine? or yours?”

you met those stupidly beautiful green eyes and you let out a shaky breath as his eyes scanned your features, “yours is fine. blair is out of town anyway, so it’s been lonely.”

“oh, yeah? where she go this time? ibiza? france?” he joked and you snorted next to him. your roommate, blair, came from money. big money. and every other weekend, she always had somewhere new to take her father’s private jet. even if it was just to visit a louis vuitton store in paris.

her frequent trips had become an inside joke to you, max and lando. so far as to where the three of you make bets on which extravagant place shes visiting every time she leaves. this week, it’s bali.

“close,” you nod, “her family’s vacationing in bali this week.”

“damn,” he mumbled, “so close.”

you both shared a soft laugh, a comfortable silence falling over the two of you as you watched the city life out the window. he couldn’t help but take occasional glances towards you, his eyes falling to the necklace sparkling around your neck.

the one he had gotten you for your most recent birthday. you had refused to accept his gift at first, immediately shaking your head when you spotted the tiffany blue box underneath the wrapping paper.

but he insisted, and now you never took it off. a silver heart engraved with a little four. a subtle detail, but a special one. some people thought he seemed ‘full of himself’ because he got you a gift with his number on it. but, you were the one who encouraged him to chase his dreams. the one who pushed him to do better, the one who never believed for a second how the media tried to paint him out to be.

because, to you, he wasn’t ’lando norris: mclaren formula one driver with a sassy attitude who’s full of himself’, to you he was just ‘lando: the boy you’ve known your entire life, who knew everything about you, and the boy who would pick you up after a shitty date’.

at the end of the day, it was always the two of you against anything and everything. two peas in a pod, as cisca would say.

the two of you got to his apartment, his key unlocking the door and pushing it open. once you got inside, you kicked your heels off by the door as he made his way into the kitchen.

“do you still have those makeup wipes i left here?” you asked.

he nodded, reaching into one of the cupboards as he grabbed the white mug with little yellow stars on it. your mug.

“should be in the top drawer in the bathroom with your toothbrush and hairbrush,” he said, turning back to you, “want a coffee?”

you nodded, letting out a soft sigh, “please. milk and two-“

“two sugars,” he smiled softly, “i know.”

you smiled back at him before turning and walking down the hallway to his bedroom. when you entered, you took in the view of his freshly made bed and the hamper in the corner being empty. a sign that he had done his laundry and cleaned the house today.

you hummed softly, opening the closet door and thumbing through the different hoodies he had. you settled on an older mclaren one, the same one he had lent you a few years back when you were crying on his couch.

you also snagged a pair of sweatpants while you were in there, changing into them and placing your dress on his dresser. making a mental note to take it with you when he takes you home in the morning.

once you had taken your makeup off in the bathroom, you made your way back to the living room where he was sitting on the couch, phone in hand as he held his mug. you sat next to him, your mug on the table next to you. you took it into your hands, smiling over the rim.

“thank you,” you said.

“‘course,” he smiled, locking his phone and picking up the remote, “what episode were we on before we fell asleep the other night? i don’t remember,”

you looked over at the tv in front of you, now noticing he had the show the two of you had been watching pulled up. you twisted your lips in thought.

“uhm, i think six? maybe seven?” you said, he clicked on six and after a few seconds you realized the two of you had guessed correctly.

at some point during the show, your head had ended up on his shoulder. his arm had pulled you closer into him, taking in the smell of his cologne and the shampoo he used. a scent you had grown to love, to look forward to every time he wrapped his arms around you to give you a hug, or whenever you were close enough to him to pick up on it.

at some point you had zoned out, thinking to yourself. maybe the reason all these dates hadn’t worked out was because they all lacked something. something no one else had other than lando, the boy who knew you like the back of his hand.

you shifted, moving to look at the boy with curly brown hair, his face illuminated by the soft glow of the tv. you took in the beauty marks that freckled his face, the ones he used to complain about when he was younger, but you always said it was your favorite thing.

maybe it wasn’t the fact that lando knew you like the back of your hand that turned you away from all the other men who’d swipe right on you. maybe it was the fact that they weren’t him.

you didn’t know when, but somehow you had fallen in love with the boy next to you. i mean, who could blame you? he was everything you could ever dream of, the perfect man.

he turned and met your eyes, his face inches from yours now. you smiled softly, his lips turning up in return. his eyes scanned yours and you took in a nervous breath when his eyes traveled to your lips.

“i’m sorry that date didn’t work out for you,” he said softly, “these guys really don’t know what they’re missing out on.”

you shrugged, “it’s okay,” your heart was hammering against your chest, questioning silently to yourself if he could hear it.

he couldn’t, but he could tell when he scanned your face that you didn’t really seem all that upset. he wasn’t really sorry, either, to be fair. it might’ve seemed selfish, but he always anticipated your ‘can you come get me?’ texts whenever he knew you were going out. he prayed the dates would fail, so he could finally be the one to take you out and do it properly. give you that fairytale kind of love you deserve.

he blurted out before his mind could even filter it, “can i tell you something?”

you hummed. fuck, there was no going back now.

“i’m kind of glad those dates haven’t worked out.”

you furrowed your eyebrows in question, “why’s that?”

“because i want to be the one to take you out,” his voice was soft and it sent your heart right into your throat, “all the fancy dinners, the kissing goodnight at the doorstep, all of it.”

his eyes traveled back to your lips and you sucked in a breath, “can i tell you something too?”

he nodded, his face centimeters away from yours now. your warm breath fanned his face, the smell of your perfume and the hair product you had put in hours beforehand captivating him.

“i want all of that with you, too.” you smiled and he grinned back, a soft laugh leaving both of your lips. he reached up, his hand lifting your chin.

“you sure you want to be stuck with me?” he asked, “cause once i start, i don’t think i could stop.”

your nose brushed against his, “i wouldn’t have it any other way.”

that was all it took until his lips were pressing against yours. you kissed him back, the hand that wasn’t holding your jaw reaching to your hip and pulling you closer, leaving no room between you as you climbed into his lap.

your hands threaded through the curls on the nape of his neck, his arms wrapping around you. a moment of complete bliss, the moment you’ve been waiting for for what felt like ages.

“lets go to bed, yeah?”

you nodded back, nose bumping his as your face wore a smile. he stood from the couch, hands supporting your thighs before letting your legs wrap around his torso. he carried you down the hallway, your face nuzzled into the crook of his neck.

he placed you down on the mattress, the two of you entangling limbs underneath the sheets. he played with the soft strands of your hair, his lips pressing against the top of your head as you listened to his heart beat against his ribs. existing in complete contentment with each others company.

“breakfast in the morning?” he asked softly.

you thought about it for a minute, turning to look at him. it was dark, but you could still make out his face, ��sure, just as long as you don’t burn the toast.”

[procyonloser]

"You fucking kidding me right now?!" Adam yelled, dropping his bags, though his guitar case stayed firmly in hand.

Across the front of his van, someone had painted the word, CHEATER, and that was just the first offense he'd noticed. They'd keyed up the paint job, which was a super fucking awesome duochrome that shifted from gold to orange to purple - fucking ruined now. On the side were a litany of worse insults, saying he had a small dick, that he was a man whore, that he was a shitty musician.

He knew who'd done it, and he wasn't even fucking dating the bitch. She was just a groupie he'd fucked a few times on the road; yeah, he'd fucked a few other girls, so what?

"I'm so going to take you to court, you stupid cunt." Adam hissed to himself, getting in the driver's side. But, the van wouldn't start at all. It wouldn't even try to turn over. It just did nothing. She must have fucked with the engine too.

Which left Adam standing on the sidewalk, fuming, as he waited for an Uber to show up. He didn't even fucking live here! He was just on tour! People all over wanted to hear him play, or they would after they heard him at least!

An unremarkable car pulled up along side him, and the passenger window rolled down, and a blond man in the driver's seat leaned over to smile up at him. "Need some h-"

"Fucking finally!" Adam complained, getting a startled look in return. "I've been waiting for you for like twenty goddamn minutes." Adam waved his Uber app at the man, and told him the code.

"Please, get in. I'm Lucky, by the way." The man said with a wide smile. "I have water in the back, if you'd like."

Adam was still fuming, but he tossed his stuff in the back seat, grabbing out a water bottle and jumping into the passenger seat. Yeah, he knew ubers didn't like that, but he didn't do back seats. He was always in front.

He chugged the water, and crushed the bottle, before tossing it out the window.

"Charming," Lucky said, in not so subtle distaste.

"Fuck you, you don't know the night I've had. Some cunt ruined my van, my gig went shitty, cus the bar was like, no you're supposed to pay me. Like shit I'm doing that. Fucking pussies. Chick run, obviously. Can't do anything right." Adam huffed, reaching down to adjust the seat, pushing himself back and getting a bit more leg room. "So suck a dick and just take me to my hotel, shorty."

"Sure," Lucky said, barely even blinking at the insults.

Adam closed his eyes, and began to feel increasingly drowsy. Well, he'd had a long night. "Wake me up when we get there," he mumbled, before sleep took him.

Adam woke up to a not so gentle slap across the face. He startled upwards, eyes wide, finding himself unable to move. He was restrained, cuffs around his hands and legs, and he was entirely nude.

"W...what the fuck? Where am I?" Adam whispered, horror setting in. He'd woken up with some hard 4s before, after getting drunk, but nothing like this.

"Morning," a voice called, and Adam looked up to find the cabby sitting beside him, smiling brightly.

"...Lucky?" Adam asked in confusion.

"Oh, my name is actually Sam, but the news calls me Lucifer." He reached down, caressing Adam's cheek with heavy lidded eyes, not caring that Adam tried to jerk back and away from him.

"I'm a serial killer, sweetheart. And from what I can see, no one particularly likes you, your girlfriend dumped you, your car was ruined, your band is a joke... It would make sense that you'd just...go missing? Wouldn't it?"

Adam's blood went cold, horror began to set in, even though he wanted to scream and shout and curse the man. He tried pulling on his cuffs, but nothing budged. His attention was drawn back to Lucifer as he pulled out a very sharp looking ritualistic knife.

"W- wait, wait! I can...I can help you!" Adam got out, and Lucifer raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, I can help you! I don't like people either! So, I'm not going to say anything about this, you know, I could even tell you about...I don't know, people alone in bars and shit!" Adam tried to persuade him, but he knew it sounded more like begging. "I can...I can be useful, I promise."

Lucifer hummed to himself, appraising him. "You'll be a good boy for me?"

Adam swallowed hard, nodding his head. For some stupid fucking reason, he started to get slightly hard from that.

"Maybe I'll think about it," Lucifer said, but Adam's relief didn't last. "But I can't have you getting away in the meantime. I need to clip your wings."

[bluesworldd]

PT1. Infunami !

↳ pairings: miles 42 x reader

↳ cw/tw: cursing, like 70% proofread, miles going through it, pet names: my love.

↳ genre: angst.

↳ synopsis: miles missed one too many dates and the truth comes out. poor miles

↳ blue says: lets just act like i didn’t disappear for a few months, thanks! enjoy

spoilers ahead !

┄┄ ︰ ┄୨୧┄ ︰ ┄┄

fuck

…fuckkkkk

10 missed calls…

miles rushed to get his suit off. fuck how many times has this been? he couldn’t help but think. five..? no five was to little… maybe 10? quickly he called the familiar number.

…ring

…ring

“please leave a-”

fuck. miles had no clue on how he was going to comeback from this one.. its been six months since the two of you started dating and within those six months miles had only took you on about twenty-five dates (yes he counted). now hear him out, 1. the two of you are teenagers and its not much two teenagers can do. 2. it would be way more if you considered cuddling together in your room as a “date”. look miles wasn’t proud of it ok? he s been busy with school and the prowler stuff so hes had a lot on his plate and trust, he does love you, more than you think, but its been a rough couple of months and he cant even remember the last time hes had over six hours of sleep. But fuck it, that was besides the point, now he had to focus on trying to not lose the person he loves….again

quickly he sent a text.

hey..im so sorry about tonight.

he checked the time…only 10:25, you should still be awake. miles knows that because your a bit of a night howl and just like him its hard for you to get sleep most nights…but for different reasons.

anyways.

idk if your still up but if you are just know im coming over.

fuck..im sorry seriously

just please text me back…

after a minute of nothing, in more suitable clothes, miles quickly ran out of his window and straight to you place. ok morales think… maybe a gift? no. miles knows you better, he tried to do that last time and he quickly realized he couldn’t buy your affection back. man that was a shitty three weeks, you had ignored him for a long time before he was at your door for hours begging to talk with him.

miles waited on the sidewalk before a cab stopped near him. getting in he was consumed by his thoughts. so what then? will they even buy the being at work bullshit again?

“kid where to!?” quickly snapping out of his thoughts miles told the cab drive your street address. only 10:33…fuck where did the time go? recently time for miles seemed to be slipping away and fast. never a slow moment to catch his breath or sit down and focus. that seemed to always be the case, especially after…anyways. maybe he could just tell the truth? he chuckled silently to himself. yeah..like thats a fucking option.

“where here” “oh yeah thanks” pulling his wallet out he handed the driver a twenty and a five. “just keep the change” exiting the car miles immediately headed for the back of your apartment where your fire escape was. he couldn’t bother going to your front door, after 6 p.m, no visitors, or rather no boyfriends were allowed in, specifically your mothers orders.

ok morales, just pray you don’t lose your relationships tonight, worry about the rest later. after climbing to the fourth floor he was meet with your window. please be open, please be open, please be- he lifted up the window.

thank god. miles made sure you weren’t in your room before climbing in. ok…now or never. going over towards your door miles knew this was risky. on the off-chance that you mother was up he would be really fucked. before he could open the door someone opened it first.

…miles let out a sigh of relief as he saw your face.

“what the-?!”

he quickly grabbed your wrist and pulled you into the room, shutting the door behind him. “….fuck?” you let out a disappointed sigh. “miles..what are you doing here?” a trick question he knew that you knew he was here to apologize but he didn’t say that part out loud, being a smartass would get him nowhere. “look i am beyond sorry-” “yeah i know miles” damn he could hear the hurt in you voice. you had your back turned to him now, focusing on getting you vanity in order. “…if you allow me, i can make it up to you this weekend” “yeah, i know miles…” is that a yes or…? “so…what day do you want to-” “i can always trust that you’ll make it up to me miles but what after?” ok..what? “what do you mean my love?” sighing you turned around to face him again. you couldn’t help but to roll your eyes, quickly mumbling “why do i even bother”

“ok look miles ill um talk to you later ight? it’s getting late anyways” you made your was towards him trying to get to you door. miles stopped you. “fuck, look i know i fucked up but please dont shut me out” he went to grab your hand but you stepped back. yeah, im fucked. “just please hear me out…” “you’ve released ive been hearing you out four times this month right?!” you said, your tone slightly rising. “and im beyond grateful my love, seriously i am, but if you can just hear me out one more time i can explain” turning back around you went to sit down. “well the floors all yours morales” usually, in any other instance, petty comments like that would have pissed him off but he had no right to be upset as of this moment.

“right…ok, i was called in late today. my manager said it was important and i couldn’t just bail on him you know..?” you slightly chuckled. “even you don’t believe that miles” ok yeah thats fair. “just please let me make it up to you my love.” he took a small step towards you “i already said i know that you will” now he was just confused “yeah so what does that mean? you’re saying nothing and everything at the same time” “it means i know that you will make it up to me miles, you always do, but what about after?” “will anything change…?” you voice grew smaller. miles wanted to respond but practically couldn’t. the room was left silent before you spoke up again “right, if thats your final answer than i think you should just-” “no, no, no. i promise i can change, you just have to be…” you glared at him “right…look i couldn’t be more grateful to have you as mine and i seriously dont want to lose you, just please..”

…a silent pause filled the room.

“than tell me the truth” you replied quietly. another silent pause followed. miles couldn’t do that, or else he would definitely lose you. “i..i cant do that.” your face contorted in confusion with a bit of anger. “and why exactly cant you?” you two stared at each before you made up your own conclusions “i see, maybe your too busy entertaining someone else ?” you huffed out. bow it was time for miles to be confused. “what?? why would i-?” miles sighed “no of course not i would never and you know that!” “so than whats the problem miles?! why exactly can’t you tell me the truth?” your voice gradually got louder, your patience clearer at its end. “if i do than you’ll be upset with me, so upset that you’ll most definitely break up with me” miles said quietly, a slight wobble in his voice although it was still prominent enough for you to hear. now you couldn’t help but be concerned. miles rarely got emotional during intense fights between the two of you, thats not to say miles is emotionally unavailable, just that he always stayed cool under pressure and fights.

“miles i cant be more upset with you than i already am, plus im the one asking for the truth so i can’t be mad at you, no matter what it is” you were slowly walking up to him now. hoping to reinsure him. “ok…listen, i cant tell you the full truth but please know im being completely honest when i say that: most times when i cant make it to our dates its because of my work..” you two stared at each other, miles was unable to read your face, although if you asked him, you looked pretty conflicted. as if you were deciding if he was telling the truth or not. after a small pause you came to your conclusion. “you know what miles? if its so hard to just-“

“fuck, ok im the prowler does that help?!”

the room grew silent as before, neither of you uttering a single word.

┄┄ ︰ ┄୨୧┄ ︰ ┄┄

©️bluesworldd 2023 || All rights reserved. Do not repost, reupload, translate, modify, copy, or claim my work as your own.

[als-notebook]

just me and you

A friend visits Noel after a long day at work.

It was late at the Mega Mall, and it would soon close for the day. Noel Gruber stood in the Taco Bell, exhausted; he was on the closing shift. Finally, he clocked out, his muscles aching. All he wanted to do was go home. He stepped out of the mall…

Just to realize it was pouring. Great. A fantastic end to an awful day. Noel stared at the rain from under the covered area, wondering if he should wait it out. He took his phone out of his pocket, checking the weather app. It said that it would be raining for the next hour. Even better, he thought. As he started to walk through the cold rain, he started to cry. He felt miserable, but he had to get home somehow. 

Noel didn’t go far before he heard a familiar voice. “Hey! What are you doing out in the rain, dummy?”

Noel looked up from the concrete sidewalk to his right, his arms wrapped around himself, shaking. He simply stared at his friend with puffy, red eyes.

Mischa’s eyes landed on Noel’s, and his expression softened. He stepped out of his shitty car into the rain and wrapped his arms around the other boy. He rested one hand on his back, and the other on his head. Noel felt pathetic as he leaned into him, full-on sobbing, now.

“What are you doing here?”

“You said you were having a bad day. And I did not want you walking home in the rain.” Mischa replied. Noel remembered texting Mischa on his break about the shitty customers yelling at him, and his manager on his ass about everything. Mischa pulled away from Noel, looking at him. “Let’s get out of here, man.”

Mischa hurried to the driver’s seat, and Noel ran to the passenger’s seat. They both shut the car doors, sighing. “Okay. We go home now.” Mischa said, starting up his car and driving off.

Most of the drive, the two boys sat in silence, other than the hip-hop music playing on low volume and the sound of cars rolling through puddles. Sitting at a stop light, Noel broke the silence. “Sorry for getting your car all soaked.”

Mischa chuckled. “Hah! You are shaking like leaf. I’m more concerned about you being soaked than my car.”

Noel smiled sheepishly down at his hands in his lap. “You’re concerned about me?”

“Pffssh… Well…” Mischa said, a bit embarrassed. “Yes… You will get a cold…”

Noel looked at Mischa and grinned at him. “You’re so sweet.”

Mischa’s ears turned beet red, and he furrowed his brows. “I am not sweet. I am bitter… cool. And mysterious.”

“Sure you are,” Noel teased.

Soon, they reached Noel’s house. His mom’s car was not in the driveway—she was at work tonight. Mischa got out of the car, shutting the door, and walked over to the passenger’s side. He opened the door and held his hoodie over himself and the door. “Come on,” he said to Noel. 

Noel looked up at the jacket in the air and stepped out of the car. Mischa shut the door and stayed close as the two rushed over to the covered porch. Noel walked onto the porch, and Mischa stayed on the steps. “There you go,” Mischa said to Noel, his hoodie still held above him. “I see you later.” Mischa began to walk away until he heard Noel say something from behind him.

“Wait. No. Stay.”

Mischa turned back around and looked at Noel, who stood fidgeting with his hands. He stepped onto the porch and held his jacket under his arm. “Okay.”

Noel looked at the ground, his cheeks turning pink. “You’re not going to ask why..?”

Mischa shrugged. “I do not need a reason. I will stay if you want me to stay.”

The two boys entered the house and Noel walked to the bathroom and grabbed a towel, drying his hair and his face.

“I’m gonna change,” he said to Mischa. Mischa nodded, and Noel grabbed a change of clothes and closed the bathroom door. Shortly after, Noel opened the door again, this time in a t-shirt and shorts. He glanced over at Mischa, who was still standing by the door awkwardly. “Oh, right,” he muttered, looking at his damp brown curls.

Noel went into the bathroom again, grabbing another dry towel. He approached Mischa and ruffled his hair with it.

“Yoo,” Mischa laughed. “I can dry my own hair!”

Noel laughed back at him. “Oh, whatever. Soo dramatic.” He stopped messing with Mischa’s hair, and threw the towel over his shoulder. “Do you want a change of clothes? Mine might fit you…”

Mischa shook his head. “Nah. I should dry off soon.” He didn’t get as soaked as Noel did–he wasn’t out in the rain for as long. “Do you feel better?”

Noel smiled, nodding. “Yeah. I do.” He looked at Mischa for a moment, tilting his head. “Thank you for caring so much.”

“It is only nature,” Mischa shrugged, looking away sheepishly. 

“I’m like, actually exhausted. Do you wanna… stay over..?”

Mischa looked back at Noel, a little bit surprised. He thought about it, and he decided that he really didn’t want to go back home… or leave at all, for that matter. “Yeah. Sure.”

Noel smiled and grabbed Mischa’s wrist, leading him to his room. His room had beige walls, similar to the rest of the house. Noel had always wanted to paint the walls dark red, but was never allowed. It was decorated in dark decor. “Sorry it’s a bit of a mess in here… I take a lot of time choosing outfits,” Noel said, blushing. There were clothes strewn across the carpet.

“I don’t mind,” Mischa said. “It’s cleaner than my room, that’s for sure,” he said lightheartedly. What he did not mention was that he lived in a basement that was hardly an excuse for a room—but Noel knew that. And he didn’t blame him.

Noel got into the left side of his bed. “You can sleep on this side,” Noel said, nodding to the right.

Mischa stood in the doorway for a moment, not really understanding how the other boy was being so casual about this. Soon enough, though, he shrugged it off, realizing that he didn’t really mind, either. He closed the door and crawled into the bed next to Noel, facing him. 

Noel looked back at Mischa, and he couldn’t help but smile. There was something so comforting about laying next to him in silence after a long day. 

Mischa reached over, brushing Noel’s bangs out of his face and behind his ear. He looks so lovely, he thought. 

Noel turned onto his back, staring at the ceiling before deciding to move in closer to Mischa; who accepted this move almost instantly, wrapping his arms around the other boy and resting his chin on top of his head. The two fell asleep quickly, wrapped up in each other’s warmth. They weren’t even a little bit concerned about Noel’s mother’s reaction, who would come into her son’s room after a long shift to check up on him, only to be met with the only slightly shocking sight of him sleeping comfortably in the arms of his close friend.

[1toreyouapart]

The Lies We Tell

Summary that tells you nothing: Sometimes everything you ever wanted has been right there, within reach, all along.

CW/TW: Angst, fluff, swearing, friends to lovers, jealousy, smut, fingering, PinV, pet names, friends with benefits, more to come as I actually get things written out.

Masterlist

Why Do Men?

Quinn pushed the food around on her plate, barely listening to the man across from her. He was attractive enough, seemed kind. But good God, he was boring. From the moment she walked in he droned on and on about him and what he did for work, how much money he made. His big flashy car he had. Right now she was really hoping that Noah had asked her to stay with him instead. In fact, she had been sure that he would. Instead, he had rushed out of that bathroom and she hadn't seen him since. Not even when she knocked on his door before she left.

Him telling her she had shitty taste in men still stung a bit. Mostly because it was true. And who was it that picked up the pieces after every failed date? Every brief relationship that failed after three months? Noah. Always there to pick up the pieces and put her back together again. She was willing to bet he already had a whole thing planned for when she got home tonight, too.

"You're one of those goth girls, right?"

Quinn snapped out of her head. What the fuck was this guy on about?

"Excuse me?"

"I'm asking because you look like one. Tattoos, dark hair. Dark clothes." He leaned forward. "Bet you're into some kinky shit, too."

Her stomach turned. What the fuck? Did he really just say that? It didn't matter so much that she wasn't goth. Though, she definitely had more gothic tendencies than not. The sexualization of goth girls, however, was too much. It was vile. It was disgusting. God. Noah had been right.

"Mmmm. This date is over." Sighing, frustrated, she got up, pulling out her wallet. "Here's my half."

"Oh, come on. Don't be like that. It's just a question."

"Be like what? Bored out of my mind because you can't shut the fuck up about how great you think you are? Or irritated because you seem to think that goth women exist for your pleasure?" She threw the money down on the table, laughing. "See you never."

Satisfied she walked away, pulling her phone out. Everything in her screamed at her to call Noah, not an Uber. Noah would be there faster. But she didn't want to hear his "I told you so" just yet. That might set her off even more and she was trying not to cause a scene.

The cool night air hit her skin as the app told her a driver was on her way. 15 minutes until her ride arrived. Cursing she pulled up the text thread with Noah, debating texting him that he had been right. Just then, however, her date appeared in front of her, angry.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? You're not even that pretty, anyway."

Quinn's stomach churned, her palms going sweaty as she glanced up and down the sidewalk. There were people. Lots of them. She should be safe, right? Fuck. What had Noah taught her? He had tried so hard to teach her how to defend herself. Now that the time may be here she couldn't remember a thing. Steeling herself for what may happen she lifted her chin, meeting the man's eyes.

"I said the date is over."

"You know, you should be grateful I even gave you the time of day. I make more money in a year than you ever will in your life."

She laughed. Genuinely deeply laughed. This guy wasn't going to attack her. His ego might be bruised, but that's as far as it would go. The type of guy that used his wealth to get sex. If he even actually made that much money.

"Says the grown ass man crying because the girl that 'isn't even that pretty.' Do you even hear yourself right now?"

"Whatever. Good luck finding a man that'll put up with you."

She watched as he walked off, ignoring the tiny crack in her armor that last comment had made. So many failed dates. Nothing lasting more than three months in the last seven years. Maybe he was right and there was something just inherently wrong with her. Her track record definitely spoke to that.

Her phone lit up, letting her know her ride had arrived just as a vehicle with an Uber sign in the window showed up. Thank fucking God. All she wanted right now was her pajamas, a movie, and her best friend.

Tags: @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard

[coneyislandbabey]

going to california. -> e. roundtree

WARNINGS: some swearing, alcohol, sappy shit, use of my own personal headcanon that eddie's full name is edwin.

SYNOPSIS: you move to Los Angeles, and are surprised to run into an old childhood friend. word count: 3,351

The heat was different in Los Angeles. Not like New York City, where you’d spent the last few years of your life; all humid, thick walls of wet air that cloy inside your lungs and make you hot from the inside out, relentless, merciless warmth even in the dead of night, even with the windows open laying naked on the bed. No, here the air was thin and dry, the egg-yolk sun warming but not ruthlessly so. You stepped out of the car, joints creaking, and swallowed up a great lungful of that thin bright air, felt the clean glare of the sun bouncing off the hot car and onto your face. New. Everything you’d been hoping for already. 

After graduating from your Pittsburgh high school a semester early, you had booked it onto a train to Manhattan about five seconds after your diploma was in your hands, getting a job in the mailroom of a newspaper and crashing on your cousin’s couch, sleeping only a few hours a night and spending every other waking moment writing or wandering the five boroughs sniffing out experiences to write about. Writing was your lifeblood, and it had been practically since you’d first learned how to hold a pen. You never knew exactly what you wanted to do with your life– where you wanted to go, what you wanted to see, where you wanted to end up– you only knew that you’d be writing the whole way through. And that’s what you did for those few years in New York. You wrote feverishly, a woman possessed. Your cousin complained daily of the little green desk lamp you kept on at all hours of the night, sitting in your sleep shirt with your notebook propped on the arm of the couch, fingers bruised from the ever-present pressure of pen against skin. 

It worked out for you, though. All those sleepless nights, accepting strangers’ invitations to parties in Brooklyn or Alphabet City or even the Rockaways, dropping acid in people’s basements or getting drunk on the subway, even rising in the ranks of your job at the paper until you were a real and true reporter: after a year and a half, you had a half-presentable essay collection and a publisher who wanted  to make your wildest dreams come true. And that was that; your essay collection was published a little over six months later, and every week it climbed higher on the best seller’s list. In the wake of your immediate success, your publisher wanted to start working on a second publication, another collection of essays or short stories or a novel, whatever you wanted, they just wanted your name on another book in their arsenal. You readily agreed, of course– this was the only thing you’d ever wanted to do. But you walked out of that meeting, and onto the streets of Manhattan, and all you felt was suffocation where there used to be inspiration. 

It wasn’t a surprise to anyone in the city who knew you, and therefore knew your more impulsive tendencies, when you told them you’d bought a shitty old car for a hundred bucks and were planning to roadtrip your way to L.A. You hadn’t been behind the wheel of a car since before you’d moved to New York, but you’d seen the old thing with the ‘for sale’ sign tucked into the dash and you knew you had to have it. Already the inspiration was pouring in; a novelized account of your roadtrip across the country and ensuing introduction into Los Angeles society. The idea consumed your brain until there was room for nothing else, until you turned right around on the sidewalk and bought the car then and there. You spent the next 24 hours on a goodbye tour, visiting everyone you had come to love in those last few years, and then your meager belongings were all shoved into the backseat of your new acquisition and you were sitting in the driver’s seat, hoping to god you still remembered which pedal was the gas and which was the brakes. 

You made it to the opposite coast after two weeks of seedy motels, eating roadside burgers with strangers, and climbing up to the roof of the car every night to lay out and see the stars the way you never could living in the city. And here you were, a week into your new Los Angeles life, having just spent most of your book earnings on buying a tiny, dilapidated house in Laurel Canyon with huge windows and the perfect little overgrown backyard for you to sit and write in. You felt it in your bones already, that this was where life would start to become important for you. 

***

You had met Brandi the day you moved in. She and a few friends lived in the house across the street, and being the only one home at the time, she came over to help you move your stuff in when she noticed you unloading the car in the morning. She had a golden California tan and big blonde hair, and the kindest smile you’d ever seen. She was your best friend five minutes after meeting her. 

“You have to come by tonight,” she said by way of greeting as she let herself in the front door. It was late afternoon, and you were stretched out across the couch on your stomach, editing something you’d written in your notebook on the road trip here. Old habits die hard. She worked as a cocktail waitress at The Troubadour, and in the few weeks you’d been living in Laurel Canyon, she’d tried to get you to go nearly every time she had a shift, to no avail. 

“I don’t know, Brand–” you started, flipping your hair over your shoulder shifting to face her. 

“No, man. Enough of this writing bubble thing you got going on. You’re coming out tonight,” she said sternly. You couldn’t help the laugh you let out– Brandi was spot on. Every time she asked you to go out, you told her you weren’t interested because you were trying to double down and polish up the road trip writing you’d done on the way here. “How are you supposed to– how did you say it? ‘Be inducted into Los Angeles Society’ if you never go out and see Los Angeles society?”

“Okay, fair point,” you responded, sitting up. “I’ll go tonight, alright? You got me.” 

Brandi grinned, clapping her hands together in delight. “Okay, Yaz and Lynn will walk over and get you and you’ll all drive in together, alright? And I’ll see you there.” 

“Sounds good,” you nodded. 

“That was a lot easier than I thought it would be. I’ll see you later!” With that, Brandi disappeared down the front steps just as fast as she’d arrived. You sighed, closing your notebook and falling back onto the couch. After your few weeks of relative seclusion, you were more than ready to get back out into the world and have some fun, and yet, there was something uneasy growing in your chest. Actually going out in the city, that meant really starting this new part of your life, and well, honestly, that was a little terrifying. Better to rip the band-aid off now instead of rotting inside the house any longer. 

***

A few hours later, you were dressed in a pair of bell bottoms and a sheer orange tie-front top with big bell sleeves, your makeup and hair more done and put together than they’d been in months. You observed yourself in the mirror one last time, before lighting a cigarette and loping down the stairs to where Brandi’s two roommates were waiting, equally glammed up, for you. You sat in the backseat of Yaz’s car on the way over, window all the way down and your chin resting on the sill. You were used to city sights, you knew your neighborhood and so many others in New York intimately, but L.A. was different, and so thrilling. 

The Troubadour was different from the clubs you’d frequented in New York, but it still held some level of familiarity, and you were hit with an unexpected pang of nostalgia when you walked in with the girls. You grabbed Yaz and Lynn’s hands and pulled them farther in, toward the stage where an upbeat band was in the middle of a song, and immediately began dancing, trying to shake off the more complicated feelings of being here in this new place. When the song ended, you whistled loudly for the band, who were packing themselves up and off stage, making way for the next one. 

“Our next band is one we know and love here, give it up for The Six!” a silky-voiced man announced into the microphone before vacating the stage. In his place, a band made up of four guys and one blonde woman took the stage, setting up their instruments and getting ready. You cheered with everyone else in the crowd, though you weren’t familiar with them the way the locals clearly were. Within a few seconds, the guitars had struck up, and the front man was at the microphone, lashing out the first lyrics of a song. 

And you realized. No, you didn’t know them the way the locals did, but you knew them. The boys, at least. You recognized Graham Dunne first, that cherubic face and big baby blues the exact same as you’d last seen him in high school. Warren Rojas was behind him on the drums, unmistakable mop of curly black hair dancing as if it had a mind of its own on top of his bobbing head. The front-man, you guessed, was Graham’s brother Billy, just familiar enough to place the face despite never knowing the older boy back home. And, sure enough, there was Eddie Roundtree on bass. The last time you’d seen him, he was just a lanky kid with a guitar that he still gripped awkwardly in his too-big hands. (‘Not ‘too big”, you remember him telling you back then. ‘The rest of me just hasn’t caught up yet.”) He’d grown his hair out, you noted. Grown broader in the shoulders, too. His hands were no longer comically large, compared to the rest of him. He had such an easy command of the bass he was playing, so relaxed on the stage, like he belonged and he knew it. It was kind of hard for you to reconcile this version of him with the juvenile one you used to know. 

And they were good, too. You could see the way a group like them could become something great, something once in a lifetime. They weren’t there yet, but you could vividly see just how it could happen for them. Eddie Roundtree and the Dunne boys and Warren Rojas, all in Los Angeles at the same time as you, all of you so far from home. You couldn’t help the startled laugh that bubbled up and out of you. Lynn turned a questioning look on you, but you didn’t have time to turn and start explaining yourself before Eddie’s eyes swept your way, probably drawn by the laughter. Those brown eyes settled on your own, lazily, for a few seconds, before widening ever so slightly. His hands slowed, but never faltered, on the strings for just a second. Something zinged through your chest when you realized that he recognized you, too, even after all these years. 

You watched Eddie for the entirety of his band’s set. You couldn’t help it– his fingers dancing across the strings of his guitar were mesmerizing, and besides, you couldn’t get over the fact that this was the same boy from your childhood, that all of them were boys who’d slept through your shared classes, who had walked to your house after school to drop off your homework when you were home sick, who you commiserated with about running the mile in high school gym class. 

Brandi found you during the last song, pulling you into a hug and squealing about how happy she was that you actually came. Reluctantly, you tore your eyes from the stage and gave your best friend your full attention, allowing her to drag you back to the bar so she could buy you a drink. By the time you had a drink in hand, The Six’s set was over and a new band was coming on, so you stayed back by the bar even after Brandi had to leave you alone to go do her job. 

“I knew it was you, bluebird.” You whirled around at the nickname, coming face to face with Eddie. He was a few inches taller than you remembered, smiling down at you with a curious mix of surprise and something else swirling in his brown eyes. 

“I haven’t heard that nickname in years,” you laughed. “Hi, Edwin.” 

He groaned. “Nobody calls me that, woman.” 

“I always have,” you pointed out, arching an eyebrow. 

“Yeah, that’s true. What are you doing in L.A?” 

“Writing, mostly,” you shrugged. “I’ve got one book out and now the publisher wants another. You know how it is.” 

Eddie’s grin grew wider, if possible. “Glad to hear you’re still writing. I remember you back in high school, always carrying that notebook around that you’d never let anyone look at.”

You laughed, recalling the notebook yourself. You had treated that thing like it was your baby. “Yeah, well if you’re curious about my writing, you could buy my book and see.”

“First thing on my agenda tomorrow is to go out and get a copy,” he said easily, and you snorted. 

“Good, you better like it. And what about you guys? When did you get here?”

“Few months ago. We’ve been playing gigs at a few regular spots while we put together an album.”

“I want a copy of that record as soon as it comes out!”

“You’ll be the first one to get one outside of the band,” Eddie grinned. “Where are you staying?”

“I bought a place in Laurel Canyon a few weeks ago. It’s tiny, but still a hell of a lot bigger than the living room I was sleeping in in New York,” you laughed. 

“That’s where we are, too,” Eddie said, jerking his head in the direction of backstage. “And, New York? What have you been up to since high school?”

“Many things, Edwin, many things,” you grinned. 

Eddie stayed quiet, all soft smile and soft eyes aimed in your direction. You felt something long dormant start to shift in your chest. 

“I’m really glad to see you, bluebird,” he said after a moment, voice quieter than before. A sentiment just for the two of you to hear. 

You nudged his shoulder affectionately with your own. “Me too, Roundtree.”

“What do you say about us getting together some night soon? You can fill me in on this whole New York story,” Eddie suggested. 

“Only if you tell me how you all wound up here, doing this,” you responded. 

“Deal,” Eddie said, sticking out his hand to shake. You took it; his palm was warm and calloused beneath your own. 

***

“It was not like that!” you insisted through your laughter. “You have no idea what you’re talking about, Roundtree.” 

Three nights later, and you and Eddie were sitting on your living room floor, bottle of scotch between you, very much on your way to being drunk and well into reminiscing about your shared high school days. He had shown up at your door a few hours earlier with a smile on his face, and the scotch and a copy of your book in his hands. You laughed so hard at the fact that he’d actually gone out and bought a copy of the book that you almost forgot to ask him how the hell he knew where you lived. Sheepishly, he told you that he’d seen you talking with Brandi and asked her after you left that first night. 

“I promise, birdy, Jimmy McKenna was gone for you for years. You drove the poor kid crazy because he would try to flirt with you all the time and you just never picked up on it,” Eddie explained through his own laughter. You sorted quickly through memories of the boy Eddie was talking about, and as what he said slowly clicked into place, you only began to laugh harder. 

“Oh, god,” you said, throwing an arm over your eyes. “I have always been such an idiot.”

“Not an idiot, just oblivious,” Eddie countered. “You were too wrapped up in your writing to notice anyone around you.”

“Not true! I noticed you,” you said defensively. 

Eddie’s eyebrows raised slightly, a split second look of surprise washing over his features before they settled back into that soft smile he always seemed to be wearing around you. He took another swig of whisky, humming. “Lucky me, then.”

You scoffed, trying to cover the way your heart stuttered with another drink of whiskey. “You were one of the only people I liked hanging out with back then, Ed. I liked stopping to watch you and Graham and Warren mess around with your instruments in the garage whenever I walked by. When I took off to the city, I really did miss you.” 

“Well, if it means anything, I missed you, too. We all did,” Eddie said. His voice was softer now, more serious, matching your own. “Nobody knew where you went, you were just gone when we got back from winter break.” 

“I just had to get outta there, you know?” you sighed. “I worked my ass off so I could graduate early. I had all these visions of the life I wanted to live, and it was so big. I was so focused on getting there that I didn’t even realize there would be anything to miss until it was all gone.”

“Yeah, I get what you mean. Don’t tell the guys this, but even now I sometimes miss Pittsburgh,” he admitted. 

“Me too,” you nodded. “I just keep collecting places to miss. Pittsburgh first, and now New York, too. I felt so suffocated there by the end, too, and now? Some nights I can’t even sleep because I’m not back on that awful couch in my cousin’s apartment, listening to the Manhattan traffic.” 

“Guess that’s life, right? You just keep collecting things to miss,” Eddie said. At some point, he had shuffled closer to you, both of you sitting with your backs leaning against the bottom of the couch. You leaned your head on his shoulder. “I’m really happy I don’t have to miss you anymore, bluebird.”

You looked up, and there were those eyes, big and brown and full of affection, so close. Looking right at you, right through you, like he could see all your guts and bones and thoughts and desires all at once. Riding the tide of whiskey-fueled courage and extreme affection you were feeling for the man sitting next to you, you reached out, palm against his cheek, and pulled his face to yours. The kiss was slow and languid, noses nudging softly against skin, Eddie’s mouth gentle against your own. His hand moved to rest on your hip, a warm and comforting pressure against your skin. 

When he pulled away, your breath catched at the sight of the silly little smirk gracing his face. “You don’t know how badly I’ve wanted to do that the entire time I’ve known you.”

“Oh fuck off Eddie, don’t tell me you had a crush on me in high school too and that’s just another thing I was too oblivious to realize,” you said, lightly shoving his shoulder. 

“Okay, I won’t tell you if you kiss me again,” he said, grinning.  Rolling your eyes, you grabbed his collar and pulled his face back to yours. You could feel his smile against your lips, which only made you want to hold him closer, to make up for all the years you’d gone without him in your life. 

[daechvvitas]

GIRL MEETS EVIL | prologue

to escape her harrowing past, a young woman runs away to seoul and is taken in by the the owner of BANGTAN, the hottest club in the city. what seems like just a luxurious nightclub on the surface is actually a money laundering front for its true purpose: the stomping ground for the most notorious mafia in the region. and when the past comes back to haunt her, the seven members vow to do anything to protect her.

pairing(s): mafia!bts x bottle girl!reader (f) genre: mafia au, noir, angst, sm*t rating: mature, minors dni warnings: mentions of physical ab*se (not from the boys) word count: 1.1k

a/n: this has been an idea of mine ever since the butter concept photos dropped and now i'm motivated to finish it! this is just a small prologue/flashback to set things up. all of the boys will be featured in the next chapter!

MASTERLIST • NEXT CHAPTER

january 2020, seoul

Seoul was made for the night time. A myriad of lights reflected off the skyscrapers and hanging signs. The air was filled with laughter from pedestrians, watch where you’re going! from drivers, and a cacophony of music. Sleep-deprived university students wandered down the sidewalks, on the hunt for study fuel. Meanwhile, the hedonistic and the reckless drunkenly bounced from one bar to another without a care in the world.

And then, there was you.

Somehow, you managed to find a quiet spot amongst the bustling activity. Your frame, worn down from hunger and exhaustion, was just barely propped up against the brick wall in the dark alleyway. Shallow breaths slipped from your lips, eyes fluttering open and close to try and keep yourself awake. But it was too damn hard. An almost unbearable pain radiated through your ribs. He’d broken them, that was for certain. Or at the very least, sprained.

Just the mere thought of him was enough to send you into a panic. Tears began to fall. Teeth slicing into your inner cheek, you squeezed your eyes shut and forced yourself to quell your ever-rapid beating heart. You’re safe now. No one will hurt you ever again. The words weren’t as comforting as you hoped. It was a lie, after all. You weren’t safe. If there was anything this cruel world had taught you in nearly twenty-three years of living, it was that you would never be safe anywhere.

"What are you doing?"

The unfamiliar, masculine voice jolted you into alertness, but the bruised ribs kept you from making a run for it. Another surge of panic overtook you. It may not have been him but that didn’t lessen the fear. The voice still belonged to a man and that was more than enough reason to beware.

Blinking rapidly to clear your blurred vision, your wide eyes landed on the tall shadowy figure standing a few feet away. His face was hidden by the shitty lighting, even as he slowly began to approach. Ignoring the pain, you slowly curled your legs into yourself, rendering yourself into a ball of protection from the unknown source.

"I’m not going to hurt you."

You bit back a humorless laugh. How many times had you heard that before? You’d just escaped the last man who promised you that.

"Don’t... D-Don’t come closer." Those were the first words you’d spoken in a day. They scratched at your throat unpleasantly.

"You shouldn’t be out here alone—"

The man’s voice trailed off as he stepped close enough to get a proper look at you. He exhaled sharply, his entire body suddenly rigid as he took the sight in. Your ribs weren’t the only thing bruised. Under the left eye, a harsh purple-red discoloration marred your skin. Your lips were swollen beyond its limit, dried blood caked over the bottom. Hair that reached your mid-back was currently matted down by sweat and dirt. You felt mortified to be witnessed like this.

"Who did this to you?"

He was angry. You dealt with enough angry men in your past to know exactly what that sounded like. As he knelt before you, you flinched, preparing yourself for a blow to the face. But one never came. Instead, you in return caught your first sight of him as he stepped into the light. Even at your eye level, his tall stature couldn’t be ignored. Silence fell between you two as you took him in. His dark, draconic eyes were narrowed in suppressed rage.

It should have been a terrifying sight, but it was strangely beautiful. Just like him.

"What’s your name?" He asked.

You felt compelled to tell him, but you remained silent. Trust was not something that you could hand so easily onto a plate. You’d done it before and it did nothing but land you here. He nodded, seeming to understand your hesitation. It was almost eerie how gentle he was being. Almost as if he knew that one sudden move would cause you to crumble all over again.

"You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to."

His eyebrows furrowed in concern. The controlled calm he had over the conversation was admirable to witness. In comparison, you felt like an embarrassingly fragile little thing. You were all raw, devastating emotions while he was steadfast and firm. He clenched his teeth, the muscle flexing beneath his sun-kissed jaw. The small movement caused the collar of his expensive dress shirt to shift, exposing a huge, jagged scar on his neck. Your eyes widened, wondering how deep and far the cut ran. He noticed instantly and his expression clouded, fixing the collar to cover the healed wound once more.

“Guess we’ve both been hurt.” He piped up in a cryptic tone. As if he was trying to coax a morbid laugh from you. It didn’t work. Instead, you felt your heart sink. Someone had hurt him — just like someone had hurt you. You couldn’t help but wonder who or why. But that wasn’t a question you dared to say out loud. As beautifully phlegmatic as he appeared, he was still a stranger to you. You never knew what could change his expression of worry into one of fury. And you had zero desire to find out.

"My name's Kim Namjoon. You don’t have to speak, but let me help you. You’re obviously cold and hungry." He offered. "You’re safe now. No one will ever hurt you ever again."

You’re safe now. No one will ever hurt you ever again.

A chill crept up your spine, hearing him repeat the words you’d just said to yourself. You wondered if it was a sign from a god you didn’t even believe in. He said the statement with all the confidence in the world. It felt like a silent vow at the altar. Kim Namjoon made you want to believe that he could actually protect you.

"O-Okay..." You whimpered out with a slow nod. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to express your consent. Namjoon gave you a gentle smile in response. You could tell by the way it shyly formed on his features that it was a rare gesture. And yet, he decided to give you one.

You hoped the smile would be the first of many.

[onceuponaoneshotfanfic]

Shut Up and Drive (Chapter 8)

Roy Kent x F1 Driver!Reader

3.5k words

Warnings: Language, unprotected sex, face sitting, fluff & feelings, Roy being a simp for his F1 Girlie ❤️

@agentstarkid ilysm, thanks for always reading my smut and telling me it's good 😝

Series Masterlist

From the moment he got back from Belgium, Roy had set to work getting his house ready. He’d painstakingly washed and cleaned everything, made sure he was stocked up on food and drinks, picked up some of the pretty-smelling shower stuff he remembered Keeley liking, even went and bought flowers for his dining room table. By the time he got your text letting him know your plane had landed, he felt that his home was ready to welcome you for the next few weeks.

He sat on his couch, staring at the turned off television, shitty knee bouncing anxiously. This was going to be great- right?

The two of you always had a good time when you were together. Lots of laughter and joking and flirting, not to mention sex. Even on the phone, Roy couldn’t help but smile at the sound of your voice. So spending all this time together was going to be great.

Unless you got bored of him. Or decided you didn’t like him as much as he liked you. Or you realized how much more appropriate it would be for you to date one of the young, handsome Greyhounds, rather than their grumpy old manager. Or-

I’m here!

The moment he saw your text, Roy was on his feet, practically running to the front door and throwing it open.

A perfect smile graced your face as you stepped out of your cab, offering Roy a little wave. “Hey there, Greyhound!”

Roy’s steps were quick as he walked down his sidewalk; you, on the other hand, broke into a sprint and launched yourself into his arms. He laughed into your hair and spun you around with ease, squeezing you tight. His heart felt light as he hugged you, breathing in your familiar smell and feeling your smile against his neck.

You gazed up at him with bright eyes once he set you down. “You gonna help me with my bags or what?”

With a chuckle, Roy walked with you to the cab, quickly grabbing your things and paying the driver, despite your insistence that you could pay for it yourself. With your suitcase in one hand and your duffel bag thrown over his shoulder, Roy took your hand and led you inside, wondering if you could hear the joyful hammering of his heart.

Fuck, you looked perfect inside his house, like you belonged there. He watched you look around curiously, taking in the photos and books and all the little things that made this house undeniably Roy’s. With a grin, you pointed at a framed drawing of two people on a football pitch, a dark-haired man and a blonde girl.

“Who’s the artist?” you asked in a light voice.

Roy wrapped his free arm around your waist. “My niece. Phoebe.”

“Cute,” you hummed, turning your gaze back to Roy. Your smile immediately softened. “So, this is Roy Kent’s house.”

“Yeah,” he breathed, smiling back at you. “And I’m really fucking glad you’re here.” He leaned down and kissed you deeply, his fingers digging into your waist. He pulled back with a content sigh. “Why don’t you go shower, and I’ll have dinner ready when you get out?”

You raised your eyebrows at him. “Roy Kent’s going to cook for me?” you teased.

“Only the best for the Empress.”

Keeping his hand on your waist, Roy steered you to his bedroom, where he set down your things on top of his perfectly made bed- the bed you knew you’d be spending a lot of time in. He pointed you towards the bathroom, suddenly edgy.

“There’s, er, towels and shit. Whatever you need.” Roy cleared his throat, gazing down at you with that familiar mix of affection and nerves. He brought his hand to your chin. “I’m really fucking glad you’re here,” he whispered.

“Me too,” you assured him, leaning forward to kiss his lips, lips you’d missed more than you’d realized. Instinctively, you gripped his waist, tugging him close so you could feel his warm chest against yours. Maybe you were tired from the flight, but you swore your knees went weak when you felt his tongue flick against your lips.

Before you could react, he pulled back, grinning goofily. “Better let you shower,” he murmured as his hand stroked your hair. “I’ll go get dinner going.” With one more quick peck to your lips, he was gone.

Humming giddily to yourself, you grabbed your things and headed into Roy’s bathroom. In the shower, you noted the surprising amount of fruity products; huh. You knew some guys kept those kinds of products for female guests. Some little part of you wondered when these bottles were last used, and by whom.

Stop it, you scolded yourself as the hot water dripped down your skin. No, you and Roy weren’t exclusive, but… you knew how he felt about you. He knew how you felt about him. He’d invited you to spend your break with him, for fuck’s sake. Surely things were heading in the exclusive direction… right?

Willing yourself to ignore that gnawing feeling in your gut, you finished your shower, scrubbing away your jealous pondering and the grime of travel. Refreshed, you threw on a comfy t-shirt and some sleep shorts, not caring how your still-wet hair dampened your shoulders. A delicious smell, a familiar one, led you to the kitchen, where Roy was standing over the stove, tea towel thrown over his shoudler.

His heart skipped a beat when he looked over at you. You looked so at home in his house already, smiling softly at him as you padded into his kitchen. He leaned down and pecked your lips, marveling at how he’d get to see you like this for a month, and already dreading how quickly these next few weeks would go. As you peered around him to get a look at the dinner he’d made, he willed himself to just enjoy each and every moment he got to spend with you.

“What’re we having?” you hummed, wrapping your arms around Roy’s waist, a deliciously domestic gesture.

He clearly liked it, based on the way he smiled at you. “Found a great risotto recipe,” he explained, gesturing to the pan on the stove.

Your mouth was practically watering. “That smells amazing,” you gushed, giving him a squeeze. “Funny, risotto’s one of my favorite foods, actually.”

“I know.”

“You know?” Your eyes widened as you gazed up at Roy with raised eyebrows.

A blush covered his face as he shrugged, eyes on his cooking. “Saw it in some fucking interview you did one time,” he mumbled. “They were asking you about when you visit Italy, you talked about some of your favorite foods, you mentioned risotto. So, I figured…” He wrinkled his nose. “It’s not fucking weird, is it?”

You buried your silly grin in his bicep. “Not weird at all,” you assured him. “It’s actually really sweet.”

“Good.” A kiss landed on the top of your head. “D’me a favor, there’s a bottle of wine in the dining room.” He nodded to the door on the side of the kitchen. “Grab it for me?”

Relieved to have something to do besides swoon over Roy’s thoughtfulness, you quickly disappeared into the dining room, noting that the table was already set for two, complete with flowers in a vase; something told you that Roy Kent didn’t usually keep flowers on his table like that. Shaking your head with giddiness, you grabbed the bottle and brought it back to the kitchen.

Roy took the bottle from you, quickly opening it and pouring it into two waiting glasses. “To the table,” he instructed before smacking a kiss to your cheek. “I’ll bring the food.”

With a hum, you did as you were told, stopping yourself from skipping to the dining room with your drinks in hand. Roy joined you, carrying dishes and setting them down carefully. He watched you, face tense, as you tucked into your dinner. When you let out a content moan, his shoulders relaxed, and he began eating his own food.

“You like it?” he asked, his voice thick with nervousness.

You nodded as you swallowed another bite. “It’s perfect,” you assured him. You laid a hand on his. “Absolutely perfect.”

And you were right. Dinner was perfect. Roy was perfect, if you were being honest with yourself. He listened attentively as you told him all about your travels over the last couple of days, made sure your wine glass stayed full, laughed at your jokes, made a few of his own.  By the time he brought out the tiramisu he made- another food you’d mentioned in that interview- you were wondering how this month together could get any better.

But of course, Roy’s plans for the evening didn’t end with dinner.

The two of you lounged on his couch, just like the night you met, sipping wine and chattering quietly. Roy’s hand rested on your thigh, stroking your bare skin and watching you with a wistful smile, the kind that had your breath catching in your throat.

“What?” you asked, your voice quiet and breathy.

He shook his head and shrugged as he put his glass down. “Just… dinner was good? Dessert? The wine?” His brown eyes were earnest, begging you to say that you’d enjoyed everything.

“It was great,” you assured him, sitting up to bring your face to his. “Honestly, Roy. I don’t think anyone’s ever made me such a perfect meal.” You nudged his nose with yours. “Don’t think I’ve ever been this spoiled.”

Roy’s grip on your thigh tightened. “I like spoiling you,” he murmured, taking the wine glass out of your hand. “You deserve to be spoiled.”

The glint in his eye told you he was talking about more than just dinner.

Sure enough, he tilted your face to his, pressing a deep kiss to your lips. The hand on your thigh wandered up, dipping under the hem of your shorts, kneading your doughy flesh. A soft groan slipped past your lips and into his mouth as you brought your hands to his chest, grabbing greedily at the black t-shirt he wore.

As if he could feel your growing neediness, Roy stood, pulling you up with him. “Think you could let me spoil you a bit more?”

“If you insist,” you teased, letting him tug you along to the bedroom. He planted kisses on every inch of you he could reach as he stumbled backwards through the living room and down the hallway to his bedroom. You squealed as he pulled you onto the bed on top of him, wrapping his arms around you and slipping his hands under your shirt to roughly caress your back.

You spread your legs to straddle him, smiling against his mouth when you felt the bulge in his jeans rubbing against your already throbbing core. Always able to read your mind it seemed, Roy rolled you over onto your back and sat up, quickly taking care of his belt and shimmying out of his pants. Shooting you a wink, Roy pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it aside and revealing that gorgeous, furry chest of his. You reached up to run your hands over his stomach, biting your lip as your fingers brushed over his thick hair.

He leaned down over you, rolling his hips into yours, swallowing your soft moans in a heated kiss. “Fuck, I missed you,” he mumbled as he gripped your shirt. “Missed you so fucking much.”

“It’s only been a couple days, Kent,” you giggled as he peppered sloppy kisses down your jaw.

He shook his head, his beard scratching your sensitive skin. “Too fucking long,” he hummed as he toyed with the waistband of your sleep shorts. “You’ve got too many fucking clothes on.” Sucking gently on your neck, he tugged your shorts down, revealing the red lace panties you’d chosen carefully as you packed your bags the night before. The sound of Roy’s deep sigh as he teased the material had you confident that you’d made the right choice.

“Roy,” you breathed as he pulled your shirt up, revealing your bare breasts. His mouth immediately found one, his tongue swirling your nipple slowly, teasingly. You hardly recognized the mewling sound that came out of your mouth when he toyed with the hardening bud with his teeth; but, based on the way he bucked his hips, Roy definitely liked that sound.

After giving your breasts some attention, Roy rolled onto his back, pulling you with him. He raised his thick eyebrows as his hands roamed your thighs, fingers brushing against the lace of your panties.

“’ve got a request,” he growled, rolling his hips up against your core.

His hardness had you nodding desperately. “Anything,” you groaned, squeezing your eyes shut.

He grabbed your chin and pulled your face close to his, his eyes dark and shining with lust. “Want you to sit on my face,” he hissed before pressing a harsh kiss to your lips. “Need to fucking taste you, Empress.”

Immediately your thighs tightened around Roy. “Fuck,” you whined, heat rushing to every inch of your body.

“You like the sound of that?” he teased with a smug grin.

Not waiting for an answer, Roy roughly tugged at your panties, managing to get them down over your thighs. With firm hands, he practically dragged you up his body, not caring about the wet trail your already soaking pussy left on his thick chest hair, not stopping until you were hovering over his greedy mouth. His eyes focused on your core as he licked his lips.

“Is my empress ready to sit on her throne?” he growled, his hot breath sending shivers down your spine.

With that, he gripped your thighs, fingers digging into your skin, and pulled you against his mouth. Immediately, his moan vibrated through your body, prompting a high-pitched gasp from your mouth. His tongue slid through your slick slowly, taking his time exploring your folds. You grasped at the t-shirt you still wore, desperate to hang on to something.

Always attuned to your needs, Roy released your thighs and took your hands in his, intertwining your fingers. The gesture, so sweet and gentle, contrasted against the sinful sounds of Roy lapping up your arousal. He continued to moan and hum against your core, his beard scratching against the sensitive skin of your inner thighs.

“Shit, Roy,” you moaned, your throaty voice coming from somewhere deep inside you. “You’re- fuck.”

He dipped his tongue inside your cunt, fucking you slowly as you continued to writhe above him. His groans trembled through your body as he devoured you. When his nose nudged against your clit, you let out an almost animalistic sound.

Fucking hell, he thought as he tightened his hold on your hands. So fucking perfect.

You rocked your hips over his face, desperate to feel his tongue reach deeper, deeper inside you. “Roy,” you whimpered. “Gonna fucking come, Roy.”

“Cmmph,” was his muffled answer, a begging sound that was easy to translate.

With your eyes shut, you focused your whole attention on the feeling of Roy’s tongue expertly ravishing your pussy- on the sound and sensation of his deep groans- on the soaking, lewd noises that filled the room- on the bead of sweat running down your temple- on his thumb stroking the back of your hand lovingly-

“Roy,” you whined, your hips stuttering as he devoured your orgasm. Your vision went white as your pussy clenched around his tongue, soaking his face in your release. He gorged himself on your pleasure, wishing that your climax could last forever, that he could just spend the rest of his life making you come over and over.

As you came down from your high, you slowed your movements until you finally slumped over, heavy breaths escaping your lips. Tenderly, you lifted yourself off of Roy’s face, letting him help you onto your back. When he turned and hovered over you, your heart skipped a beat; his beard was positively soaked, your release dripping from his face.

“You taste so good,” he cooed, stroking your flushed face. “So fucking good for me.” He crashed his mouth into yours, smearing your wetness against your lips. He pulled at your shirt, only breaking the kiss so he could rip it over your head and toss it to the floor, immediately bringing his hand to your breast. “My beautiful empress.”

Your hands worked down his body, roaming over his chest, not halting until you reached his painfully tight boxers. Trembling with anticipation, you slid them down, revealing his already leaking cock. With a sigh into his mouth, you began stroking him leisurely, deliberately. For once, there was no rush. No flights to catch, no texts from teammates, no goodbyes the next morning. Instead, tonight the two of you could explore, and touch, and enjoy each other.

He groaned into the kiss and bucked into your hand. “Tell me what you want,” he whined against your lips. “Anything you want.”

“Fuck me, Roy,” you breathed, giving his cock a gentle squeeze. “Fuck me like you mean it.”

Roy was more than happy to oblige. He moved your hand away from his cock and gave your knuckles a soft kiss before lining himself up at your entrance. Keeping his eyes on yours, he inched into you, slowly, slower than he’d ever entered you before. His heart melted when he saw the way your eyes fluttered with each little thrust, the way the corner of your mouth twitched upwards as he gently filled you.

You’d had a quickie in the boot room with Roy Kent. You’d taught him how to have phone sex. You’d been dominated and used by him in Belgium. Sex with Roy was good, always good, no matter how you did it.

But tonight, you let Roy Kent make love to you.

He took your hands in his again, holding them over your head as he pressed his forehead to yours. His mouth hovered above yours, so close you could feel his hot breath on your lips as he gently rocked into you. Your walls clenched around him, throbbing and begging him to fuck you harder, deeper.

“You,” he huffed, kissing your face sloppily, “are so fucking beautiful.” With a soft grunt, he gave a harsher drive, hitting that perfect spot. “How’d I get so fucking lucky?”

All you could you was whimper his name and chase his mouth, trying to capture it in a kiss. Instead, he smiled, eyes trained on your face. He gave another severe thrust, eyes lighting up when he heard the quiet sob you let out. He continued his pace, slow, intentional grinds into you, cherishing every whine and moan and whimper that you gave him. His cock throbbed inside you, desperate to give you everything he had, desperate to once again make you his.

Roy squeezed your hands tight as his hips stuttered, letting you know he was close. “So glad you’re here,” he cooed. “So… so fucking happy.”

Your heart fluttered even more than your walls as you squirmed beneath him. “Me too,” you breathed. “So, so happy, Roy.” Your voice trembled with a mixture of emotion and pleasure.

“Think you got one more for me?” he grunted, giving a particularly rough thrust. “Think that gorgeous pussy can come for me?”

All you could do was moan and whimper as he rolled his hips harshly, determined to have you climax again. Between his cock filling you deliciously, his mouth sucking at your neck, and the pure joy of being in Roy Kent’s bed, it wasn’t long before you were clenching tightly around him and practically screaming his name; some little voice in your head was grateful to be in a house rather than a hotel room, where you would probably have irritated the people in the room next door. However, that little voice was drowned out by Roy’s panting, punctuated by a chorus of your name and fuck, chanted over and over.

With a strangled “Fucking hell”, Roy tensed, flooding you with his orgasm. His mouth was on yours, tongues crashing, moans intertwining as his cock emptied inside you. You gripped his hands tightly enough that you knew your nails would leave little crescent marks on the backs of his hands; the thought had your aching cunt clenching, greedily accepting every drop Roy pumped into you.

The room was filled with ragged breaths as you both came down from your highs, sweaty bodies sticking to each other- not that either of you wanted to move. Roy kissed your jaw, a soft, tender kiss, and slowly pulled out of you.

“Fuck,” he groaned, rolling onto his back, keeping hold of one of your hands. “And I get a whole month of that?”

You giggled and squeezed his hand, reveling in the soreness between your legs. “A whole month, Kent,” you confirmed. “Think you can handle it?”

He brought your hand to his mouth and kissed it gently. “Think you might give me a fucking heart attack,” he joked. “But at least I’ll die with a fucking smile on my face.”

Taglist:@hotdoglamp@daydreamgoddess14@klaine-92@gibby31@anonurs@taytaylala12@unholyhuntress@thatonedogwithablog@seacactusplant@e-mmygrey@jane-dough @zara-aliza08 @sky-full-0f-fl0wers@deliriousfangirl61@katdahlali @deliriousfangirl61 @seatbacksandtraytables @andaende @an-anxiousace-from-outerspace @sunfairyy @kravitzwhore @angelbarnes-rogers @dqndilions @an-anxiousace-from-outerspace @savage-aespa @bannsshheeebiittcchhhh

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Lucky

Shy M!Reader x F!Yandere OC

Part 4~

Her Info: 🪓

Part 1

<<<Previous part _ Next Part>>>

!!!MINORS DNI!!!

CW: M!reader, reader has a penis, reader referred to as he/him, reader has balls and they take damage, reader is cross dressed, reader voms(sorry! you hate blood in this one, not too descriptive tho!) names against reader-not by fl-(pussy, ), violence against reader, bullying, framing, names for reader(Captain, )

Anything in red reader isn’t aware of.

Upon awakening you find that you’re still in Lucy’s lap. Her hand is on your head, and her plush legs are red marked up from where you had been laying on her. There’s an alarm going off somewhere, you get up to look for it, Lucy barely stirs.

It’s your phone going off on her nightstand. You pick it up, and shut it off. It’s a workday…. Uhg. You really don’t want to go in to your shitty retail job… It’s not that it’s hard, it’s just embarrassing and boring.

“Hey Lucy?” You nudge her and she mumbles before rolling onto her side facing you. As her long black painted lashes rest, they flutter slightly in her dreaming state.

You tuck some of her hair nervously behind her ear. Way too much air exits you after, why’d you just do that!? “Uhg!” You stress yourself out.

Okay. We’ll time to head out if you want to even make it to work. You’re a whole forty five minutes away, your google maps is saying. You are still in this stupid dress and collar too. At least she bought you regular clothes too.

Wait… But they got taken to your apartment, you’re going to have to ride in a nuber…. In a frilly dress.

“Fuck!” Oh shit! should you leave a note?? No… That’d be weird, right?

Fuck the note. Fuck the dress and collar. Whatever it’s time to stop playing pretend and get back to reality.

You storm out of her room, and find your way back to the foyer. you aren’t even sure if you actually remembered the way or just got lucky, but you did it. now just to wait for your nuber ride.

Thankfully, the driver doesn’t question you.

You rush into your home hoping nobody saw you… Ezra, lives practically next door, who knows what he’d do if he saw you in a dress! He already seems to hate you, even if he’s never actually picked on you in particular.

You went to middle and highschool with him, and he never really bothered you, he bullied other kids who you were never jealous of.

Once inside you catch your breath before running to your bedroom. On your bed and the floor in front of it, are the bags of clothes Lucy got you. Your bed is also made, and your old clothes are mostly cleaned out aside from a few of your favorite pieces, which, how did they even know which ones were to keep?

You don’t dwell, you’re almost on time! You really can’t afford to lose your job!

~

You got in trouble for the collar, but you at least proved that you couldn’t take it off for the shift, and they didn’t hassle you too much after that.

After work you take an almost empty bus home, it’s practically a blessing.

You notice the strawberry blonde back of Ezra’s head with a couple of his gang members out on the sidewalk near your apartment.

As soon as you step off the bus, “Y/N, my good ol’ pal! You live right here don’cha?” Ezra claps his hand on your shoulder, and gets real close to your face.

“Ye-yeah?” Your voice comes out a strained and higher pitch than normal.

“Good, good, i need ya to hold onto somethin’ f’r me.”

“N-no thanks, Ezra, hah, so-”

“Na, na, na, you don’t get it, you’re holding onto this gun f’r me.” He states.

“No thank you.” You try to walk away swiftly and get to your building door, but his fingers dig into your shoulder and he pulls you back as if you weigh nothing.

“You don’t wanna do this f’me? Fine.” Ezra grabs you by both of your arms and holds them behind your back.

One of his goons suddenly punches directly into your gut. “Oooof!” all the air is knocked from your lungs, and you double over. Ezra grabs your skull and pulls your head back up. His guy punches you again, this time your left eye is the casualty.

Again he hits you, and you taste blood.

Bile starts forming in the back of your throat…

Your cheeks puff out and your lip quivers.

“Oh shit, Ezra, he’s gonna blow!” The guy takes a step back, his fists lowering.

“Fucking pussy.” He knees you in the balls from behind and throws you onto the ground, embarrassingly with your face down and ass up.

You try as hard as you can with the sharp pain in your lower half, to lift your self at least somewhat off of the ground, and allow yourself to throw up. Eventually you make it off the ground, and you’re stuck there dry heaving without any air, and the metallic tang stuck in your mouth.

~

“Y/N! What happened?!?” Lucy springs up and starts digging through her bag.

You’re back at class. She was dissociating again when you entered and she seemed like she was gonna say something when you sat down, but as soon as she saw your black eye, her whole demeanor shifted to a more panicked state.

“Listen to me Y/N.” She stops searching for a second to clasp her cute warm hands around your face, and hold you. “I need to know who did this to you.” She’s serious and somehow way scarier than Ezra and his gang. Her wide eyes are wild and her pupils are huge, they swallow her deep brown irises.

“Ezra,” you swallow. Something tells you you shouldn’t have told her, but something told you that for your own good you better have.

She walks out of the lesson.

“Wait!!” You chase after her and look back at the class who doesn’t look the least disturbed. Even the professor doesn’t seem to care.

You lurch forward and grab her wrist, which she snatches back instantly.

“Wha- Lucy! Wait! What are you doing?”

“Oh! Y/N!!” When she sees you it’s like she’s shocked you’re there, even though you haven’t stopped calling her. “I’m sorry…” She whispers, looking down.

Tears are filling her eyes now, “No, it’s okay i shouldn’t have grabbed you!”

“It’s okay!! that’s not… Why I’m mad. Why did Ezra hurt you?” She asks getting lost in thought and dissociating again, “He knows better.”

“He wanted me to hold a gun for him, and i said no.” you ignore the last thing she said. You aren’t sure what kind of stuff she does with other people… “Wait, Lucy… You’re not like… Dating Ezra are you?”

“HAH! Dating him? N-” Her eyes squint and she looks directly at you, “Whyyyy~ ya jealous? hmmmm?”

“What!? Jealous? No! The guy just beat me up! Why would I be jealous.” You cross your arms, “Now come with me back to class.” You muster a command smoothly.

“Aye Captain!” She salutes and walks like some kind of soldier at you. You can’t help but chuckle at her.

~

That night your nightmares are typical, until flashing red and blue lights rip your eyes open, you dash to the window.

Police are outside taking Ezra in handcuffs.

[smokingtomas]

Can write headcannons on the reader teaching Smoke, Kuei Liang and Bihan how to drive? Lol

Anooon this is so funny😭 probablg gonna skip the reader and will write about the Lin Kuei finest learning how to drive.

I swear I would feel some of these deep within my soul being a shitty driver that I am, trying to drive in the capital city of a third-world country where bikers are INSANE.

Tomas

Would be quite nervous at first. A lot of gulping and sweaty palms

Affirmations words to the rescue, "Alright, Smoke. You can do this. You've been in countless battles, and this is just another one."

Hit the gas a little too hard at first. The sound shocked him so badly he had to regain composure

Finally managed to drive a straight line. Got too excited that he shouted, "Yes, I did it!"

Lets go of the steering wheel while doing so that he ended up crashing the sidewalk. Poor Smokey bear🥹🐻

Our solutive king decided he would learn how to ride a bike first

Bi-Han

Would see it as a waste of time as he felt he'd nail it the at the first try, but ended up manhandling everything to the core

From gear 1 to gear 6 immediately, "Why settle for going slow if we could go lightning fast, you incompetent fool."

Didn't realize he wouldn't be the only one on the road. Tolerating other drivers frustrated the shit out of him

Ended up freezing the other vehicles so he could go through. Guess who just got his first ticket

The act got caught on CCTV. Sektor has a copy of it and would play it in the commonroom during lunchtime for fun

Kuai Liang

The calmest and the most determined in the bunch because he has a motivation-- he'd love to take Harumi driving around

Did everything ride the first time. Has the beginner's luck

Found himself enjoying every second driving. Just taking in the surroundings with music playing on the radio

Would excitedly go home to tell Harumi about his new favorite activity

Already planning on purchasing his own car

[stevethemomharrigton]

Kurt’s Number One Fan

A/N: So, I am trying something different. I am expanding to different fandoms. 

Summary: Kurt has two followers, a kid named Bobby, and a girl by the username FuckMyLife. FuckMyLife, would like almost all of Kurt’s videos, and that made him think she liked him, and made him think they were in a relationship. He found out where she lived, by her ending up as one of his passengers.

Warnings: Stalking, Non-com, Smut, Kurt being weird, NSFW, Cam Sex, Somnophilia, Unprotected sex, DarkKurt, 18+, and break in.

------

Y/N was waiting on the sidewalk for her rideshare to arrival. She was standing next to this other girl, who told her that her name was Jessie Adams, and Jessie seemed shocked that Y/N didn’t know her, nor did she care who she was. Soon, they hide someone shout out their names.

???: “Jessie! Y/N!”

Both girls looked over to the voice, to see a man sitting his head out of his car window. He smiled and waved at them.

Jessie: “Is that our Spree driver?”

???: “Hey, Jessie! I’m your guy’s Spree driver, Kurt! Hop in!”

Y/N recognized the name Kurt from anywhere. She opened her mouth to say something, but the back seat window, rolled down and another head popped out of the car. The man smirked at both girls and looked like one of those fuck boys.

???: “Yo, girls, what’s up!”

Jessie cringed and Y/N rolled her eyes.

Jessie: “Yeah, no thanks. I’m out.”

Y/N: “I’ll get in. If only I get to ride up front. There is no way I’ll give in the back with that creep.”

The man in question looked shocked, as if why any girl would say that about him. Kurt just grinned and nodded his head. So, Y/N hopped in the front passenger seat.

Jessie walked away, but Kurt followed after her. He honked the car horn and Jessie looked at him confused and annoyed.

Kurt: “Jessie! Hey, hey, listen. I’m a five-star rated driver-”

Jessie: “I already cancelled, thanks.”

Kurt: “Listen, I can already see where you’re going. It’s right around the bend. It’s on the house. Just get in the car, it’s on me.”

Y/N sighed and pulled her phone out of her pocket. She opened up twitch and got on Kurt’s live to see that he had a good number of followers, which shocked her. Since it’s mostly just her and Bobby that watches Kurt’s streams.

Jessie: “But, like, I cancelled so-”

Y/N cringed at that, because who uses the word “like” like that. Y/N typed in chat in chat and used a donate so her message would come up. And just like she predicted.

FuckMyLife: “Who uses the word “like” like that. It’s cringy as fuck.”

Kurt perked up to this and got all happy to hear that users name. But his attention went right back on Jessie.

Kurt: “Oh, that’s okay. I don’t mind. I’m Kurt, by the way. “

Jessie sighed and opened the back door and hopped into the car. The man in the back, eyed both her and Y/N’s bodies.

Kurt: “Hope you guys like the music! I made it KurtsWorld96, official track.”

He suddenly turned it up, and Y/N covered her ears. Jessie did the same thing. Kurt backed out of the parking lot. The gross man started speaking.

Gross man: “Do you two, like, have threesomes?”

Y/N glared at the gross man, but Jessie didn’t hear him. So, when she asked for him to repeat what he said to her, he glared at Kurt.

Gross man: “Dude! Can you just turn off your shitty music!”

Y/N got upset at that, because she liked Kurt’s music. 

Y/N: “Hey, Kurt’s music isn’t shitty! If you actually listened to it, you would know. You just have shit taste.”

Kurt looked at her shocked, but also happy, that someone liked his music other than his online “girlfriend”

Gross: “At least can he turn it down?!”

Kurt: “Oh, yeah. But you were just telling me how much you liked it.”

Gross man looked panicked to this and shook his head. Y/N rolled her eyes.

Gross man: “Yeah, no I wasn’t. It’s shit, um-”

Kurt: “So, jessie! Y/N! I already told him this, but I got these cameras in here set up for everyone’s safety. Full disclosure. FYI, I’m totally and completely transparent.”

Y/N typed in chat, and the donate came up.

FuckMyLife: “And he loves to stream. But don’t you date judge him. He’s good at it!”

Kurt smiled at this, and looked quite happy, that his online “Girlfriend” gave him praise.

Kurt: “Thanks FuckMyLife!”

Y/N cringed when he read her username out loud. Jessie and the Gross Man looked shocked by the username. Y/N typed in chat again.

FuckMyLife: “Kurt you may use my real name. Y/N.”

Kurt froze and looked quite shocked. He looked over at Y/N and he looked like he was about to explosd.

Kurt: “Wait, YOUR FuckMyLiffe?!?”

Y/N cringed again, but slowly nodded her head. Kurt was way so happy, about this. To have his online “Girlfriend” in his car with him for the first ever time.

Bobby: “Cool Kurt. You now have met your “Online Girlfriend” You can now lose your V-card!”

Y/N looked shocked by that, and Kurt blushed. He whispered something to his camera, probably talking to Bobby about what he just said. Gross Man seemed annoyed that the attention wasn’t on him.

Gross man: “Okay, enough of this. Jessie, Y/N. Watch out for this guy. He’s a fucking psycho. But like I was saying. My name is Mario, and, uh, you must be Jessie and Y/N. But you guys can call me whatever you want when we’re in bed together.”

Jessie and Y/N cringed, and Kurt glared at Mario for flirting with his “girlfriend” in front of him. Jessie then snorted and pulled out her phone. She scooted closer to the door.

Jessie: “He has ears. And eyes. And three legs. And rabies.”

Mario laughed, and Y/N just looked bored as hell. This worried Kurt.

Mario: “Hey you’re fucking funny girl. Wait, hold up. I KNOW you!”

Jessie looked shocked and annoyed by that, and Y/N looked confused on how he knew Jessie.

Jessie: “No, you don’t.”

Mario: “Yes, I do.”

Kurt: “Hey, Mar-io Mare-io, or whatever your name is, just grab a water and chill out. Stop bothering her.”

Mario: “Shut the fuck up. Yo, she’s a comedian!”

Y/N looked shocked, since she knows most comedians, and if Jessie is this popular, how did she not know about her, or heard of her before right now? Kurt looked shocked by this.

Mario: “Yeah. No, you do the uh “Hey everybody look at me”

Y/N looked confused about how was that funny. 

Jessie: “It’s “All eyes on me”

Y/N was still confused on how that was funny. 

Mario: “I fucking knew it!” Yeah, yeah, you’re like. All eyes on me, All eyes on me. I said all eyes on” I fucking knew it.”

Kurt looked excited, and Y/N rolled her eyes.

Y/N: “Okay, we get it dude. You know her. Can you shut the fuck up now?”

Mario looked upset that a girl told her what to do. But his attention went right back on Jessie.

Mario: “She’s got a mega following!”

Kurt looked even more excited by this.

Kurt: “That’s amazing! How did you grow your audience?”

Jessie: “Um, I’m, like, funny.”

Y/N rolled her eyes since that isn’t helpful information at all. On top of that, Jessie doesn’t seem funny to her. She typed that in chat.

FuckMyLife: “That’s shit advice. On top of that, who says that?! “Um, I’m like, funny.” can you please use the word like, right?”

Jessie looked shocked by that, that someone doesn’t find her funny. Kurt looked over at Y/N and frowned. He kicked himself in the ass for making his “girlfriend” jealous.

Bobby: “Damn girl! You love picking fights with everyone?!”

FuckMyLife: “Yes, yes, I do Bobby. Mostly you for how you treat Kurt.”

Bobby: “But’s he’s so annoying! How can you deal with him?”

FuckMyLife: “Because I am his FRIEND! You are just a child. Shut it.”

Bobby: “I am not a child you bitch!”

Kurt wanted to get the attention back on to what they were talking about, and not his “girlfriend” and Bobby fighting. In truth he got jealous of Y/N giving Bobby attention and not him. He sees that as her getting back at him for making her jealous.

Kurt: “I mean, having a big following...I can, I mean, yeah, all those notifications coming in. I mean, I get it. I do, too. So, Jessie, it’s cool to meet you. Follow for follow, and if you post anything on my Spree, just make sure to tag me. I’m KurtsWorld96.”

Jessie busted out laughing, and Y/N didn’t get what Kurt said was so funny. 

Jessie: “Sir, are you a Twitter bot, or is there a real live human boy in there?”

Mario laughed and tried to throw his arm around Jessie’s shoulders, but she threw it away from her.

Jessie: “Don’t touch me.”

Mario: “Yo, Jessie, I got to say, you were...you were one of the better sets that night. Just very pro I thought.”

Jessie: “Wow, thank you. Thank you so much. glad you think I’m pro, even though I was doing a professional gig.”

Y/N typed in chat.

FuckMyLife: “That was a professional gig?”

Jessie looked shocked, and Kurt let out a snicker.

Bobby: “Wait...you went to her set? You went OUTSIDE?!”

FuckMyLife: “Yes I did Bobby. I do have a life.”

Bobby: “Cool, I didn’t know.”

FuckMyLife: “Shut it child!”

Mario pulled his phone out and started recording.

Mario: “Yo, yo, what’s up?! It’s your boy, Mario, and we are out here. Guess who.”

Y/N typed in chat/

FuckMyLife: “A gross toll man that likes to perve on girls in the dark of the night.”

Mario glared at Kurt’s stream, and Kurt almost busted out laughing.

Bobby: “You can say that again. This man reeks of desperate. More than Kurt does.”

Mario: “No you bitches!”

Kurt tensed up, not liking what Mario called his “girlfriend” and Bobby.

Mario: “It’s hot chick comedian, Jessie Adams, in the house!”

Jessie covered her face, not liking how Mario was recording her, without her consent. Y/N got annoyed by that as well.

Jessie: “Stop! Do not point that phone in my face!”

She tried to slap his phone out of his hand, but he pulled it away from her.

Jessie: “What is wrong with you!?”

Kurt: “Yeah, point it at me, your driver, KurtsWorld, uh-”

Mario: “You shut the fuck up!”

Kurt: “KurtsWorld96!”

Mario completely ignored Kurt and pointed his phone back at Jessie. She covered her face again, getting really annoyed.

Mario: “You come on. Give me a little smile, girl.”

Jessie: “Oh my god! Are all the tanning oils getting to your head?!”

Y/n started freaking out by all the yelling, and she was trying trouble breathing.

Jessie: “I thought all you frat boys didn’t like black people?”

Mario’s face fell and he lowered his phone and stopped recording. He glared at jessie.

Mario: “What the fuck!? Why would you say that?! That’s not fucking true! Now I can’t even post this!”

Kurt looked shocked by this, and Y/N freaked out even more.

Jessie: “You know what. Squirt’s World, just let me out here.”

Mario: “What? Are you serious?”

Kurt: “Honestly man. I’m about ready to drop you off on the side of the road, okay?! You’re pissing off my girlfriend! Just grab a water and get ready to call another Spree.”

Mario looked shocked and upset that he was being told to get out, and not Jessie.

Mario: “On the side of the fucking highway?! Are you nuts?! No, no, I’m not! And you know what? You just got yourself a one-star rating, bitch. And you, you should really use those beautiful smiles a little more often, huh?”

Jessie looked at Mario annoyed, and Kurt looked upset that Mario was going to give him a one-star rating.

Jessie: “Oh, God. Okay, right!”

She held up her phone and started recording Mario, just like he did to her.

Jessie: “Hey, guys. I’m stuck in a Spree Social with THIS defective clown. He’s been nagging me and calling me fucking slurs. He’s a disrespectful little shit. I you see him on the street, just cross to the other side, smile. Or just push him into traffic. That’d be better for everybody. He goes by the name of Mario-”

Kurt: “Hey, everyone, what’s going on.”

Jessie turned the camera over to Kurt. He smiled, happy, to be on someone else’s recording.

Kurt: “KurtsWorld96, here. Follow me for “The Lesson” links in the bio. And I always follow back-”

Jessie: “Oh my god. Why do I keep doing this to myself? I’m a fucking Spree Social to save three bucks. For THIS headache? This ever happen to you guys? Oh, and Kurt, you might want to check on your girlfriend.”

With that she ended her recording and posted it to her story on Instagram. Mario didn’t like this at all. But Kurt got worried about what Jessie said about Y/N and looked over to see that she was freaking out.

Mario: “I’m just going to say, that becoming Insta famous has really gone to your head, because you’re a total bitch. That girl up front as well. She hasn’t spoken a single word to me!”

Kurt slammed on his breaks, which freaked Y/N out even more. Jessie and Mario looked at him shocked. Kurt glared at Mario and pointed to his door.

Kurt: “Out.”

They looked shocked by that.

Mario: “Me?! They’re the ones being all fucking mean and shit! What, you’re protecting your girlfriend!?”

Jessie sighed and unbuckled.

Jessie: “Nope, fuck this. I’m getting out.”

Kurt looked shocked and panicked.

Kurt: “No, no, no, wait! Are you sure?!”

Jessie: “Yep, certain.”

With that she opened the door.

Jessie: “Fuck you *Pointing at Mario* and you *Pointing at Kurt* Reel it in a bit, buddy. No one says “Follow for Follow” out loud. And if she’s your girlfriend. You’re doing a shit job at taking care of her.”

Kurt looked shocked and upset that Jessie said that about him. Jessie grabbed a water bottle, and Kurt was happy that she took it. He wanted her to die, for what she said to him. Jessie slammed her door shut. 

Mario: “Hey, bitch, maybe don’t be such a bitch next time!”

Jessie glared at him and stormed back over to the car.

Jessie: “Oh? How’s this for being a fucking bitch?!”

She splashed the water in Mario’s face, threw the bottle back in the car, and then stormed off. Kurt droves away but looked down at Y/N who was clenching her shirt, but she was sleeping. He sighed in relief to this.

(Time skip)

Kurt dropped Y/N off home, and she quickly took a shower, and got dressed.

She went to bed and passed out.

(With Kurt)

It was night when Kurt made it to Y/N’s house. He just killed Bobby, and kidnapped Jessie. He thought of taking her to his house, but he opted to taking her to Y/N’s house instead.

Y/N’s house looked similar to Jessie’s house. So, Jessie didn’t question it. So went through the front, and Kurt went through the back.

He made sure to stay hidden as Jessie went through the dark house. She walked up the stairs and made it to the bathroom. While she was in there, Kurt used a chair to lock her inside.

He then snuck into Y/N’s room and walked over to her bed. He had his camera and everything.

Y/N wasn’t using her blanket, so this let Kurt see her night gown. He nearly fainted at the sight of her small black night gown. 

Kurt: “Hey!”

He didn’t get a response from Y/N, meaning she’s a heavy sleeper. He turned on her lamp and harshly swallows. He was nervous. He looked at his stream to see his chat was going insane.

Kurt: “This is my girlfriend Y/N. This is our first time doing something like this. I’m so nervous.”

He propped his phone on Y/N’s dresser, pointing it right at the bed. Getting a good view of both of them. Getting a good angle, that it will show both Kurt and Y/N. Not just Kurt.

He slowly got on the bed and moved Y/N’s legs apart with his knee. He scooted to sit between her legs and lifted up her night gown to show her black panites. He smirked at this.

Kurt started grinding on Y/N’s leg, making him groan softly and low, since he didn’t want to wake her up.

Kurt: “You're going to be a good girl for me, Y/N~? My fans are going to enjoy this~!”

Kurt heard the shower turn off, meaning that jessie was done with her shower. Kurt knew he needed to get done quick before Jessie broke out of the bathroom.

So, he quickly lowered his hand to Y/N’s V and pulled down her panties. He then used his middle finger to find her slit. Soon he found her clit and started rubbing it. This caused Y/N to moan. He smirked at this.

Kurt: “Oh, do you like that~? You love it when I rub your clit~?”

The chat was going haywire to this. Someone donated.

PuppiesSuck: “Make her moan louder Kurt! We can’t hear her!”

Kurt snickered and nodded his head. He pushed his middle finger into Y/N’s aching hole, and she let out a louder moan to that. He started fucking her with his finger, letting her moan loud.

DildoRocks: “Wow, she’s loud!”

Kurt smirked at this and nodded his head.

Kurt: “Yeah, she is~! I wonder if I can get her to go louder~?”

He pushed another finger into her, and she moaned even louder. She clung to her bedsheets. The chat was going crazy over this.

TimeLord: “Kurt, Jessie might hear, and break out of the bathroom! Just fuck her already!”

Kurt knew that TimeLord was right. He didn’t need Jessie stopping him from having sex with his “girlfriend”. So, he pulled his fingers out of her, and she let out a small whimper. He smirked at this and unzipped his pants and reached in them.

He pulled his cock out, and spit onto it, as a form of lube. He smeared it on his cock, and then lined it up to Y/N’s aching hole and then shoved his cock into her.

Kurt:” *Groans* Oh, do you like that Y/N~? Chat, do you think she likes it when I shove my cock into her~?”

The chat was going crazy.

Pieapple: “I think she does Kurt!”

CrazyDog: “I think you should give her more pleasure!”

Kurt liked this idea, and reached his hand between their bodies, and started rubbing her clit again. Y/N cried out in pleasure and let go of her bedsheets and wrapped her arms around Kurt’s neck.Kurt gasped as he felt Y/N’s walls tighten around his cock.

Kurt: “*Groans* Shit, I think she just came~!”

MarvelQueen: “Did it feel good?”

Kurt: “God, yes~! God, Y/N~! Cum on my cock like the dirty girl you are~!”

He quickken his pace, making Y/N’s bed shake a little bit.

Kurt: “*Groans* God, she’s so wet~!”

FairyTittles: “So wet for you!”

Kurt moaned and nodded his head. He placed his hand on Y/N’s waist, straightened his back, as he fucked into her. He threw his head back.

Y/N: “K-*Moans*”

Kurt looked down at Y/N and smirked. 

Kurt: “*Groans* Oh, where you about to say something~? Chat, did you *Groans* hear that~? She was about to *Groans* say something~?”

God: “She was Kurt. She was about to say something.”

Kurt: “*Groans* Come on Y/N~! Say it~!”

Y/N: “K-Kurt~!”

Kurt’s heart exploded. Happy, that she was saying his name, and thinking of him, while having sex.

Tittles: “Kurt, she’s probably having a dream of you fucking her!”

Kurt was happy, to hear this. Happy that his “Girlfriend” was thinking of him in her sleep. He then suddenly hears a bang down the hall and knew that was Jessie.

WorldDestration: “Kurt, hurry up! Jessie is about to ruin your sex time!”

Kurt didn’t want that to happen. He quickly moved his hands on Y/N’s waist and picked up his pace. Y/N moaned out and clung onto Kurt. Chat was going insane.

EndOfTheWordl: “Kurt, you should cum in her!”

OOOOO: “Oh ffuck yeah! That might get you more folowers!”

That got Kurt’s attention, and he thought about it. He sees Cumming in someone a form of connecting their souls together. He wanted to do that with Y/N, and this was his chance to do so.

Y/N K-Kurt, fuck~!”

Kurt: “*Groans*: Yes~! Scream my *Groans* Scream my name~! Chat, you love this~?”

ChatGod: “Yeah we do Kurt!”

Kurt felt Y/N’s walls tighten around his cock again, and he groaned out. Chat was eating this shit up.

Kurt: “*Groans* God~!”

AThrone: “Did she cum again?”

Kurt: “*Groans* God yes~!”

OfDawn: “That means she loves it, Kurt. Keep going!”

Kurt picked up his pace, on both thrusting into her, and rubbing her clit. 

AndDagger: “Make her cum again!”

Tim: “Yeah, that was hot!”

Kurt loved pleasing his chat, so he thrusted into her harder. This caused her to moan louder, which Kurt knew Jessie could hear this point. Y/N came again, and Kurt moaned out loud. 

Kurt: “Yes~! Cum all over my god damn cock~! Chat, *Groans* do you think she wants my CUM~?”

Rogers: “Yeah Kurt. She does!”

Kurt felt this cock twitch and he knew that meant he was close. He could hear Jessie beating on the bathroom door, trying to break it down. Probably think her grandmother was getting fucked.

Kurt: “*Groans* God~! Y/N, baby~! I’m close~!”

SteveKiller: “Cum in her!”

Kurt: “*Groans* God, I will~! Y/N, I’m going to cum so deep in you~!”

Buk: “And she’s going to take it!”

Kurt: “Hell yeah she is~!”

Y/N cried out as she came, and Kurt picked up his pace. With the snap of his hips, he shoved his cock so deep into her.

Kurt: “*Groans* F-FUCKEN HELL!!!”

He pants and slowly pulled out of her. He then used one of her shirts to clean up his mess. He put his cock back into his pants, and slowly left Y/N’s room. He let Jessie out of the bathroom but killed her.

He dragged her body out of the house and tossed her in the truck of his car. He then drove back home.

[st0rmyskies]

Renault Avantime

Acura Legend

Nissan Skyline

Renault Wind

Ford Ranger Wildtrack

Toyota FourRunner

Renault Twizy

Eagle Malon TSi

Rolls Royce Silver Shadow

Mitsubishi L200 Warriors

Ducati Diavel Dark

Range Roolie

This anon knows that I am secretly a Car Guy™.

Renault Avantime

Look at this thing. Look at this European-ass Ford Flex wannabe bullshit. It gets some points for being a coupe, somehow - Time would rather not drive around with a back door that someone could pop into at will - but even a sick set of tints isn't going to hide his embarrassment at this beaky profile. There's a nose joke in there somewhere. 3/10.

Acura Legend

Impeccable. Looks like someone's first car so that they can haul ass back and forth to college several times a year. Ravio and Legend rip out the back seats to make room for as much product as this shitty 2.5L can manage. The back is also positively PLASTERED in the most amazing sarcastic bumper stickers you can imagine (Bestie Please Let Me Merge, I Fucked Bigfoot, etc.). 10/10

Nissan Skyline

Some part of me hurts to think that Sky would be a Nissan driver, but that's my own personal bias. Does look like something he would take out for weekend track days or the odd drag strip competition and wipe the floor with others. When Groose pulls up he parks entirely too close and gets Sky's rare scowl for even joking about having scratched the paint. 8/10

Renault Wind

Look at this fuckin thing. Wind hates it. Daddy bought it for him as a "Sorry I missed your 16th birthday!" gift. The only saving grace is that it's not the powder blue version; Wind would have turned those keys right over to Aryll SO FAST. It's hardly big enough for him to bring a surfboard to the beach in. The convertible is a nice touch for sunset beach drives though. 5/10.

Ford Ranger Wildtrak

Can you imagine??? Can you imagine?????? Wild wakes up one morning after a night of hard partying to suddenly remember, "I have a car." He digs through his old belongings to produce a nondescript keychain - which he promptly switches out for a big sparkly white puffball - and wanders off into the world to find where he parked THIS truck of Champion's. The ENERGY of seeing tiny Wild with his long hair blowing out the side window as he rolls up in THIS THING is hysterical to me. He will literally never be able to double-park it and just pull it up over the sidewalk to leave it in Time's yard. 11/10.

Toyota FourRunner

If one person - if ONE PERSON - makes a short joke Four is gonna flip the fuck out. He'll need the version with side rails so he can actually get into the damn thing, probably, and the seat adjuster is aftermarket so that he can bring the driver's seat up high enough to see over the steering wheel. Bonus points, though, that he can drive right over all the haters. However, I would argue that this isn't the best city car for someone like Four. Yes it can haul lots of junk in the back for his work needs, but a pickup truck - and something older that he can service himself - would suit him a bit better. 7/10

Renault Twizy

Sure, let's put the anxious kid on the highway between two 18-wheelers in this little Fisher Price death trap. His shoulders wouldn't fit inside this thing, let alone his ass. 0/10

Eagle Malon TSi

Well if this isn't a divorcee car then I don't know what is. Does get some points since it looks like it would run badly forever, which is the solid basis of any good farmer's errand car. I do like to think, though, that Malon would have a bit more self respect than this. 1/10.

Rolls Royce Silver Shadow

I had to include the photo with the text because that's so something Shadow would make himself. Four loudly and vehemently disagrees; he's spent more time on his back beneath that engine bay fixing electrical issues nearly as quickly as Shadow can cause them. Perhaps the aftermarket tablet screen he had installed in the center console at some dubious backyard mechanic was a bad idea. Also I bet that engine is so fucking loud and puts out NO power. 7/10

Mitsubishi L200 Warriors

What the hell and fuck is this? What are all the antennae for, so he can be tuned in to the latest Sephora sale?? And the extra lighting, is that for his Instagram photoshoots??? Ew, do you think Wars is an Instagram influencer???? -0.5/10

Ducati Diavel Dark

Oh, this is canon. 15/10

Range Roolie

I just had a visceral reaction picturing our own Doctor Hyrule, MD, rolling around town in this thing hopelessly lost. He somehow keeps missing all the turns on his GPS. The OnStar dispatcher eventually gets to know him by name. They just talk while he's on his way to work in the morning. 10/10