#no sense of time
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The main thing I remember from my childhood is being afraid all the time. There was never a break from the fear.
When memories of my childhood come back to my brain, my whole body reacts. I tense up, start shaking and sweating, my mouth goes dry and my hands and feet go cold. My breathing speeds up and my chest goes tight. Even certain bodily functions stop performing as they should, or happen involuntarily.
The fact that my body reacts like this just increases the intensity of the memory, because that's exactly how my body felt at the time.
I have these "memory attacks" (as I call them) fairly often, but around my birthday is one of the worst times of year for this.
My lack of awareness of my surroundings makes this more overwhelming. I get so lost in the chaos of my own mind, and the memories I'm trapped in feel more real than the actual events occuring in the present.
My lack of sense of time exacerbates the issue, as I can't easily separate one birthday from another. It just all blends together. That goes for all days of all years, really, but when it comes to specific dates and events that people make a huge deal about, the blurring of the lines is more intense.
#from the chaos of my mind#autism#autistic#trauma#memory attack#bad memories#my birthday is the 10th of february#sense of time#no sense of time
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Dear Diary,
I am writing this so I will remember to never say it is fair.
#an excerpt from the 4th grade diary i haphazardly kept#the best part was that that was the entire entry#and of course that i was right#the other best part is that i did believe in separating out my journal entries but i numbered them day 1 day 2 day 3#weeks in between#no sense of time#just like now#half dead fried life
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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When I was a kid one of my moms would call her period "moon time" or "her monthlies" or shit like that and my other mom straight up stealthed it, but when I'm a dad I think I'm gonna go straight down the middle and call it Werewolf Week. Like sorry kids, dad can't roughouse right now, it's Werewolf Week
#Plus my sense of smell always goes crazy like a couple days prior#So#I feel like I could really lean into the mythos#They'll get the talk of course but Werewolf Week sounds way cooler than Lady Time or whatever the fuck
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this manatee looks like it’s in a skyrim loading screen
#lol good luck finding all of the photoshopped versions in the rb history. ‘manatee restored’ is still my favorite of all time#misc#I encourage anyone dyslexic to try rotating him in your mind. I can’t do that; which is why I’m asking you to.#also: a bunch of tags are surprised this isn’t ‘shopped#it’s the lighting. backlit by the sun (which is diffused through the water) but also forelit artificially#the artificial light - a flash pack or something - casts a hard shadow under the creatures arm#which normally wouldn’t be possible if backlit by the SUN; you’d see a less-hard/more-fragmented shadow above water#as light sources ‘compete’ in a sense - and since there aren’t any light sources which can outshine the literal sun#it looks a bit weird when the darkest shadow is being cast from any other origin point - which is what’s essentially happening here#I don’t know the mechanics of how light travels through water; but I know the effect is substantial even with relatively short distances#also: it’s been balanced and color corrected by the author of the photo - who made deliberate choices to bring out the full potential#so it’s not like it’s a fresh and untouched export#but the kind of ‘tacked on’ appearance of the creature is a result of the lighting conditions within the image
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Live Mel reaction
#no one in this damn city can last two seconds without her smh#I can’t believe this is my first ever arcane fanart lmao#look the finale airs tomorrow and this joke won’t make sense anymore after that point so it’s gotta be done now#I don’t have TIME a to study the the art style and create a meaningful homage to one of the greatest animiated series ever made#this is what you get instead#it’s funny cause her canon response will be ‘’:( I’m sorry jayce. he was a good friend and a great man’’ at BEST#cause even tho she canonically likes him they’ve had like no direct interactions so nothing more would make sense#but an enby can dream#arcane#arcane spoilers#arcane season 2#arcane season 2 spoilers#mel medarda#jayce talis#viktor arcane#art#my art#digital art#fanart#doodle#drawing#sketch#shitpost#meljay#jayvik#meljayvik
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they are putting yaoi in the city art museum and censoring nsfw content with heat-responsive material so you have to put your hands on it to see dick
#just thinking thoughts...#I'm not sure I fully agree with whether it needs to be censored at all#but I do really like how they've resolved the situation#look at yaoi with a sense of purpose etc. get personal with it. if you choose not to then why not#places I'd love to take hypercapitalist taiwanese brazilian dude so he can examine his discomfort with yaoi lmaooo#'bro you are drawing so much gay shit... your plausible deniability is wearing thin... are you sure you're not a fudanshi'#<- the correct gendering on this still sends me every time
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au where everything is the same except mabel and dipper have been going to gravity falls every year before the show takes place since like kindergarten.
its a pretty simple premise that derives mostly from my desire to explore interpersonal relationships and the ways a place and people can change from a young child’s point of view. it doesn’t change canon that much either, admittedly, i just wanted to draw childhood friends stuff LOL. ill call it uhhhhhhhh every summer au.
#every summer au#gravity falls#stanley pines#dipper pines#mabel pines#stan pines#grenda grendinator#candy chiu#pacifica northwest#gabuart#pacifica eventually stops being their friend and it makes mabel really sad but it just makes dipper really angry#gestures vaguely#people change. relationships change. every summer becomes a shadow of the last summer#gravity falls is the same but the people within it become more different every time we come#growing up is difficult#and frustrating#nothing makes sense#but at least we have each other#everything is going to be okay
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daylight savings is actually truly one of the most evil things in the world. just casually forcing us to confront the fact that time is fake while torturing insomniacs, autistics and schoolchildren across the globe. when will the agony end
#speaking!#please my sense of time is fucked already#that part of my brain doesn't work#please stop fucking with what little i have#sighs. every year.#hall of fame
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#tumblr polls#random polls#poll time#i love looking at usernames and wondering what it MEANS#so many of you guys have such cool sounding usernames#i just picked random words i like LMAO#serious because people always see me as super serious irl (i'm just a very anxious perfectionist lol)#and turd because i have the sense of humor of a toddler and think poop jokes are funny
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I'll rip in hands and teeth and take a bite
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#ryomen sukuna#yuuji#sukuna#sukuita#fanart#jjk fanart#gore tw/#body horror tw/#blood tw/#YUUJIIII BABY BOYYYY BABYYYYYY#hes hungry :/#sukuna seems 2 be having fun gdjhfgsdf . boys when theyre bored.#so happy i wrangled this pose in2 something im happy with i almost abandoned the idea entirely#sometimes front facing is the answer.....who knew :'>#also#can anyone tell me. how far up yuujis fun arms go i had no idea so i just stopped them at the elbow#if im wrong that will b not swaggy :(#listening 2 sena's cover of butchers vanity on repeat btw VIBES#cannibalism motifs my beloved uwu#in other news this is the least amount of shading ive done in a very long time#and its been even longer since i pulled out th white lineart#but overall i like this piece so much yuuji is so cute and it doesnt make sense 2 me at all#edit changed the colour to make it more obvious whats sukunas legs vs whats yuujis back
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almost blown out bsky / twt / ig
#illustration#digital art#original art#artists on tumblr#character art#marcia#marciaillust#lowkey a rkgk but a true Marcia rkgk would not be getting posted at all#ive had this babygirl in the dumpster folder for a while but i fished her out to finish her#dumpster folder is where drawings go to play with other drawings and run around the farm before i move them to the external drive#the reason she was in there was um i gave up when drawing her feet#truly feet are the hands of the legs#i wouldnt say i mastered hands but i feel pretty comfortable drawing them nowadays#feet on the other hand? jesus christ#someone make them make sense#I MIGHT HAVE FINISHED MY WORK SEASON FOR 2024 BTW#work as in dayjob as in brawl stars#it depends on what my boss will say monday and if there is any actionable feedback#i am in desperate need of free time#bro you have no idea the way ill go to SLEEP WHEN I CAN#OHHHHHOHOHOHOHO#orion hit on the head has nothing on the speed with which i will collapse#the alternative caption on this post was 'you best not be trying to blow out my flame bro' but i chickened out
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evil guy and his evil cat but the cat is actually the mama and the guy is her kitten,,
#am i making sense here#its eepy time when ravage says its eepy time and not a moment later#gfhrgufh i should be animating rn but imso im so like urghfhg#my art#soundwave#ravage#laserbeak#buzzsaw#rumble#frenzy
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spideypool but it's a comedy of errors
#peter parker#wade wilson#spider-man#deadpool#spideypool#peter is going to have a long hard look at himself in the mirror about his spidey sense not triggering#(you know what else is long and hard—)#wade: see that metro bus over there?#peter: yeah....#wade: i save. you film#peter: save it from wh—#wade pulling explosives out of his pockets: grab your camera babe we're on a time crunch here#who will write this for me#mine
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And what do you think you're doing Simon?
#She better show up last minute to smack some sense to him that'd be really funny#adventure time#fionna and cake#simon petrikov#betty grof#golbetty#fanart#digital art#my art
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