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vesicapiscean · 12 days ago

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i just read through 3d workers island. I was going to post this onr eddit but it was immediately removed so im going to post it here. its really long sorry, feel free to not even read it. eventualyl ill post it somewhere else and expand more on it.

I just finished reading through 3dwiscr for the first time. I actually read it twice, and took notes on the second read through. There are a few things I find compelling about this work, and I haven't read almost any other theories so I just want to dump my thoughts before I read more about what others think.

The first thing that I find important to mention is the "Computer Philosophy" pages. It's a confusing read, and I'm not certain that that geocities site has any direct relevance to 3dwi, besides the content written in it relating to what we are seeing on screen. The "window" talked about on Computer Philosophy is the monitor (we do see this work through the lens of windows 95), and the author talks about how we can see into the window, as well as be seen through the window. You never know who's watching, and you never know what you might see. They talk about how you can bring the inside (fiction) into the outisde (reality), and they may be interchangeable. This read to me as something like; "you can look into reality through fiction". I believe that is what is happening in 3dwi, and others have likely come to this same conclusion. At the end, the author briefly mentions how you may look through the window and see "something bad you're responsible for", yet you do nothing to stop it because it's "not real". Curious. I also noticed that the image at the bottom of the Computer Philosophy page depicts a red object and a green object, transitioning from being a flat, 2d image on a computer monitor, to being a 3d image on the screen, to then being a 3d image outside of the monitor. This imagery directly relates to the Snopes ratings screenshot posted by PLawler, which is accompanied by the rating "multiple truth values". Could more than one thing be true?

I think it's easy to assume that PLawler is Pat in the screensaver. I also believe that it is Pat who is responsible for creating the 3dwi, and she gets a satisfaction from exposing others to it. I think she is purposefully creating the narrative that there is nothing weird going on; no faces, and no sounds in 3dwi to encourage people to keep watching and be shocked by what they see. However, there is allusion to the idea that 3dwi sources information about the viewer from what can be found on the computer it's running on. So it's possible that Pat is clean, and she genuinely doesn't see or believe what other people have reported. She does keep 3dwi running on as many screens in her home as possible, and finds it pleasant to tune in to. Pat in 3dwi is also shown messing around with a laptop that has an image of Earth on it, aka "WORLD", aka "reality".

PLawler/Pat expresses her disdain for Amber more than once. She calls her lazy, despite Amber being shown mowing the lawn and walking around. PLawler also chastises another poster on the forums for doing their child's homework for them. This to me is another accusation against children for not working hard enough. This, I feel, reinforces the idea that PLawler/Pat is the perpetrator of Amber's mistreatment. PL does admit an attraction to Rebecca, which I think is also depicted in the scene where Pat and Rebecca are shown clipping together in odd movement. In 3dwi, Pat is seen coming in between Amber and Holland when Amber approaches Holland (I'm assuming to engage in some sort of play). She stands ominously between them, despite them ostensibly being close in age and sibilings. Pat is also shown scolding or somehow reprimanding Amber behind the house. It seems as if Amber is being intentionally isolated from Holland. It is questionable why PL would relate so much to Pat.

Onto Amber. She doesn't seem to be able to interact with her fellow workers in the way she would like to. She is interrupted by Pat when approaching Holland in the sand. In one scene she is seated with Holland and reaches out to him, but Holland runs away back into the house. She is seated at the table with Joe and Holland in one scene, but Joe gets up and leaves, and Amber and Holland don't interact at all. Another poster refers to Amber being "slow" and "tired", and her mistreatment by the other characters. One claim on the Inside3dwi website says that she becomes redder and redder, eventually slowing down and "crawling", before turning into a red ball and being ignored by everyone else on screen.

Amber is a fan favorite. When asked, everyone in the forum agreed that amber was their favorite, but it was also implied that talking about Amber being the favorite was a risky topic. Reality Priest says "I'm not going to pretend my favorite character is Holland or Grace just so things can stay clean...". This comment ties in to what is revealed on the Inside3dwi site, wherein we are told that certain events involving amber will trigger events depicting images of a real human girl. These events occur after what is called a "JPR pin" where the three adults corner Amber. This is all alluding to something I would prefer not to talk about, but good grief and alas.

I think the reason that so many people (one poster refers to them as "freaks") like Amber is because of the ... media ... that appears regarding her. I think they are intentionally seeking out this type of stuff, and that's why they love Amber. There are no degenerative states involving the other characters, and there is no "JPR pin" triggered events for Holland or Grace. In fact, Holland and Grace are hardly mentioned at all. These so-called "Amber shitheads" are deemed responsible for shutting down the discovery pages according to the IM sequences. This thought leads me to another, which is that 3dwi works off information from the computer it's running on. Perhaps many people in this forum have questionable hard drives and are thereby shown the more extreme secrets behind the screensaver. Why else would their favorite character be Amber after seeing all the disturbing things this screensaver has to offer regarding her?

Holland is interesting, because she is not given much attention through the forums, but she displays some concerning behaviors in 3dwi. She is shown with a toy rabbit, often falling or laying down, and at one point is walking into a wall. In another scene, Holland is shown standing in a "diamond" pattern with Joe, Rebecca, and Grace. Concerningly, Holland is shown to bend over and turn away from the group she is with. I found that to be distasteful, and perhaps indicative of some learned behaviors from what Holland has been exposed to. I'm not sure what to make of the scene where Holland brings the blue lamp out of the house, so I'll leave it at that.

The last character I'd like to dive into is GoodKid. I fully believe this poster is not actually a "14 year old teenaged kid". I'm closer to believing that GoodKid is actually Rebecca or Grace, but I lean away from them being Grace because according to Inside3dwi, "Grace's Guilt" is a recognizable aspect of her character, and I don't feel that she would be unabashedly posting on the forum. The term "sweet angelic mommy" is dubious, and seems to be an attempt at flattery. To who, I'm not sure. They mention getting in trouble for "dress code violations", which to me reads as "dressed inappropriately for a school setting". The most often dress code violations at school are shorts/skirts/dresses that are too short, or graphic tees with unsavory messaging. I'll leave it at that.

I believe that GoodKid is the one who wrote Inside3dwi. The posts there are signed with "-GKey", which is similar to GoodKid - same initials. Both GoodKid and GKey seem intent on exposing the truth about Plawler and 3dwi in general. GoodKid is banned on the forums as well as discussion about the Inside3dwi website. GKey also mentions having a brother, which I thought was interesting as the first forum post we see, from Mawgirl, mentions having a brother as well. And that first post is the only post we see from Mawgirl. There may be overlap with members of the forum and people submitting posts to Inside3dwi, perhaps even double accounts. I noticed as well that NedHucker suggests to "be cool" and 3dwi will reveal more to you. The poster whose username is ImCool says "Amber motherfucker" in the thread about favorite characters, and then later on Inside3dwi someone called JaketheMadCow ends his post with "there's sound mother fucker". Could NedHucker, ImCool, and JaketheMadCow all be the same person? Maybe I'm reaching too much.

There are more connections between the various posters, such as 12pt having an icon of a creepy looking face that seems like it might fit into 3dwi with the "details" setting toggled up higher, and there are mentions of "strange faces" on Inside3dwi. Another submission on Inside3dwi is attributed to FallingIntoAsphalt, which is the only other reference to the Computer Philosophy page found in this 3dwi universe. User Jomsom relates another posters story about their child being afraid of 3dwi to a movie wherein a character gets trapped in a cartoon, which reminds me of another post on Inside3dwi by Thomas, in which Thomas is convinced everything that's happening on screen is all in his head.

Who is Jonn Sorroway? What are "stories of reality"? Who is Sam Ferraro?

I've lost the plot at this point in writing this post, so I'm just going to post it and hope for some interaction becasue I'd really like to work out some of the kinks with people who have also taken the time to dive into this project. Another Amazing story from Domenico.

#3d workers island #petscop #3dwiscr

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slashingdisneypasta · 8 months ago

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Sheriff Hank Keough x NaiveFemDeputy!Reader x Jim Bickerman || Drabble

Plot: What if Hank was still the Sheriff by the time Jim came to town? What if you were his Deputy? What if you were so focused on your job that you came off... a little naive 😅 What would happen if you two visited Jim in the hospital afterwards to site him with fines for trespass, illegal poaching, and theft?

This is just a short thing but I am filled with idea for this triangle XD I think Hank's crankiness and hesitancy to fall for reader paired with Jim's sleazy shamelessness is such a fun combination XD

Warnings: Mention of Jim's grievous injuries after Final Chapter (Loss of eye, hand, and leg), hospital setting, minor nudity (Pantsless Jim), and unedited/i wrote this on my phone.

Tagging: @marinerainbow , @masqueradeball and @slxsherwriter.

The nurse was hesitant to give you the room number when you nervously asked since you aren't family, but Sheriff Keough just sighs in frustration and shows his badge. That gets the nurse to move- and you make a little note of his confidence in your little notebook; you're learning everything you can from him!

When you get to the room, you're expecting to find a quiet Bickerman. Maybe even an unconscious one (The nurse said he was recovering from a serious crocodile attack, afterall. And you saw those monsters- surviving that had to leave terrible scars), but when Sheriff Keough pulls the curtain open you instead catch Mr Bickerman up and out of bed! He's only got one leg and onr hand, but he's focused and hopping into his jeans.

Immediately you go 'oh!', embarrassed, and throw a hand over your eyes. "We're so sorry!!" You exclaim, turning around.

Sheriff Keough sighs next to you, and you don't sense him turning around at all. You do hear Mr Bickerman say 'she's real cute' in a tone thick with an accent and smugness, and feel even more mortified, though.

Thankfully, your boss does not respond to that comment, just addressed Mr Bickerman with an exasperated and thoroughly exhausted tone. "Jim, get back into your bed. The nice lady at the front desk told us already that you're not cleared to leave the hospital yet."

"Iiii- uh, well, I feel fine actually. So, I'm discharging myself- agh," The pained sound makes you feel bad. Should you help him??

You would- but you think he's probably still indecent and you don't want to make him feel uncomfortable.

"Sit. Down." Sheriff Keough growls, and the very next thing you hear is a few sniffles and the abrupt squeak of the hospital mattress like Mr Bickerman tripped onto it more then sat down on it. Your boss sighs in what sounds like your direction, then. "And for gods sake pull your blanket on so my Deputy can take her hand off her eyes and do her job."

You feel a tad guilty as you lower your hand and turn to the Sheriff, hearing Mr Bickerman's sheets shift. Keough gives you a half pittying, almost... almost amused look, that confuses you a little bit (a flutter erupts in your belly. You figure thats just some more guilt), before he shakes his head and looks back to the perp. You dutifully follow suit.

There's a teasing sleazy smirk on Mr Bickerman's old face and his eyes are on you, making you immediately straighten up stock straight like they engrained in you in the academy. Out of discomfort. "All better sweetheart?~ "

"Uh, yes sir."

"Don't call him sir, he's not a sir." Sheriff Keough rolls his eyes, before pulling out his own notepad. As he blows air out his cheeks, you can tell he wants to get this over with quickly and get lunch. "Anyway, Mr Bickerman- "

While the Sheriff reads out the list of fines Mr Bickerman is facing for his activities and Mr Bickerman sighs, rolling his eyes at the entire list, you wander to the end of the bed and pick up the clip board there. Most of it is medical jargon that you definitely do not understand, but there are some words (notes, probably written by a student) that stand out in the margins. Your eyebrows pull together in concern seeing things like 'internal bleeding' and 'motor skills classes- 2 weeks'. After glancing at Mr Bickerman, seeing the stump where his hand used to be and remembering the matching one where his leg used to be (the glance of it you saw before you slapped a hand over your eyes and whipped around), you figure that must mean 'in two weeks'- because it is certainly going to take longer to learn how to live with half as many limbs.

"- and finally, once you are actually discharged from the hospital, you are expected to attend a mandatory hearing at the courts in order to discuss your apparent claims to that Blackwater cabin." Sheriff Keough sighs one final time, lowering his notepad. "Though hell if I know why you would want that shithole."

Mr Bickerman's face darkens immediately, surprising you- he seemed so wry a moment ago. "It's rightfully mine, Officer."

"Yeah, whatever. Would you like me to read the the requirements again?" You know that if he wasn't meant to ask that, he wouldn't, because Sheriff Keough is staring so hard at Mr Bickerman that you're sure if that look was aimed at you you would just be able to shake your head in responce. Mr Bickerman opens his mouth to respond, but your Sheriff beats him. "No? Great. Deputy, I need a coffee." He puts his notepad away and adjusts his pants. "On me."

The Sheriff leaves the room promptly, his broad shoulders nearly filling the doorway (A fact you always pretend you dont notice), and you're about to quickly follow him- but you have to be polite. You flash Mr Bickerman an awkward smile as you put down the clip board. "Thank you, Mr Bickerman. Have a nice day! Fast recovery- "

Ypu're about to yurn and leave, but the dark clouds that had crossed his face clear up surprisingly quickly as his gaze slides over to you again; that sleazy smirk spreading across his mouth once again, and you stop still again caught in his sights like a deer in headlights. "Hey, why don't you come visit me again sometime? Sure would cheer me up and uh, make the old recovery race by a lot speedier- huh, honey?"

Your jaw drops. Did he just- is this man flirting with- No. No. Nervously, you give a little fluttering laugh. Surely not. He's just a lonely old man! The nurse said no one else had even called. "Oh- well maybe. If I have time. See you, Mr Bickerman!"

"You can call me Jim, y'know."

"Oh... no no no, no I couldn't, sir!" Oh shit, Sheriff Keough told you not to call him that! You peer back to the door, to make sure you're boss isn't watching you. When he's not, your shoulders relax and you waive a very amused Mr Bickerman goodbye. "Anyway- feel better!"

You walk out but you can feel the old man's gaze stuck on you until you round the corner. When you see Sheriff Keough waiting down the hall, he's got a coffee for you already, out of a hospital machine (a precursor to the proper stuff, he says.) which you take quickly; filled with gratitude for your secretly sweet boss and how... for some reason... you're the only one who ever really sees that?

Oh well. Back to work.

#i'll reblog this onto my protag blog foo for hank ^^#Jim Bickerman x Reader Drabble #Jim Bickerman x Reader #Jim Bickerman #Drabble #Lake Placid x Reader #Sheriff Hank Keough

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cconfusedkat · 17 days ago

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Hello. Please don't feel required to answer this publicly or anything of the sorts, at most read it. I'm not sure if you remember us, if memory serves correctly I used to date one of your alters. but I found a bunch of our ex friends usernames and all that in our notes app and instructions for us to reach out in case our host goes officially dormant and apologize. Well that's happened. I figured I'd try tumblr first so I made this new account just for this. If I have the wrong user my deepest apologies. I just wanted to apologize to you on behalf of our ex host, he's done awful things to us and I assume you as well. Around the time before he went dormant we had been basically put into two sides of our system and we're put against eachother, I was on the opposite side of his. For a short while I was on his but later on "switched sides". He had attempted to manipulate us all into thinking what he was doing was normal and had even threatened the body's safety if we didn't do what he had wanted.. which led to me faking his dormancy and him having us run off of our main account on twitter at the time. This had turned into our mental health, especially his, rapidly declining. This, resulted in his dormancy. To be quite honest we're all relieved he's dormant. I just hope you see our side and forgive us, while our ex host can't apologize for what he did, we are taking accountability as a system for what he did and letting him do it. If you can't find it in your soul to forgive us, especially him, I understand. Please have a good day and everything else. - 🎞️

this ask was enough to give me a panic attack. i hope that gives you your answer on wether or not id forgive the rest of you.

i retyped this OVER and OVER but i cant genuinely express the fear instilled into me. from preventing me trusting all my friends, struggling with dms and keeping close relatjonships, being scared of. Every. Single. Person. I interact with.

and wondering if I should forgive you? your ex.host? the proshipper who engaged on tcctwt and encouraged minors for shotacon stuf? the motherfucker that traumatized his own system and has the lot of you mentally scarred? the man who gives my very own brother meltdowns from remembering the friendship he had with him? the man who i had a relationship with and regretted every single fukckign day of those nine momths? the man who we bogh encouraged our mentally ill bejaviors towards onr another? the man who i struggle to get over bevause everything i do is correspondent to him? leaving me and my brother mentally scarred because.of him?the man who ruined mh social life because i cant fuckign cope and heal with the immense betrayal there was of finding that twitter thread made about him?

im sorry he was a piece of shit to you all i knew something was up in the beginning. but i. I cant forgive you guys. not even him.

actions can be explained. trauma responses can be explained. but i will never—EVER—EVER FORGIVE HIM FOR THE SHIT HES CAUSED FOR THE OTHER CHILDREN. ME. MY BROTHER WHOS THE SAME AGE AS THOSE CHILDREN. GOD KNOWS WHAT ELSE HES FUCKING CAUSED HUH

you will never understand the pain ive been put through because of him. im not just someone behind a screen. my social skills worsened, my trust issues worsened, everything worsened for me bevause the one true person i thought was a perfect match for me ends up a pedophilic fucker and betrays me beyond belief. i knew since day one may 2023 that was my biggest mistake of meeting him.

ill never be the same again. ill never remember who i was in the past. you sending this ask aleady fuckign triggered me to think about him again and freak out. im sorry that happened to you guys but im never fogiving him nor your system.

please never show up here again. not through an alt account. never cyberstalk me. nothing. none of that. i dont want your pity. i dont wany any other explanation. nothing of it.

i just need to lay down and go to the nurse.

#Im leaving this untagged.#dont come back here ever again and expect forgiveness and give more apologies. i cant word what i want to begause it pains me as is.#i will never see your side. for a real act of forgiveness i am goign to ask you to never come back to me or my brother of any of my friends #ever again.

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death-is-no-escape · 14 days ago

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Right okay so mini meta about Dwight & Evan as foils, specifically in regards to how they handle mistreatment and their places within the capitalist machine they both lived in, this is based off tome lore for the record.

So both Dwight & Evan's tome stories are about them dealing with mistreatment & abuse from someone with power over them (Dwight's boss, and Evan's father respectively) and their connection to the workers that also deal with thay abuse (Dwight's co-workers & the group of fired employees, and the miners that Evan befriended along with the Union Rep), but what happens is very different.

At first they react in ways rather alike, quiet disapproval and suffering, Dwight internally making fun of his boss and venting in private with co-workers, and Evan quietly suffering and listening to the woes of the miners in private while they try to encourage Evan. Though I'll note that beyond a surface level there is already a gaint difference, Dwight understands that he is a victim like his co-workers, meanwhile within the tome it doesn't appear as though Evan sees that he is an abuse victim, his fears and hopes are for others, not himself, the union rep will help his friends, not him.

But then their stories differ even more, Evan continues his quiet suffering, puting his thoughts into art, meanwhile Dwight is moved to action after another co-worker is fired and Dwight is invited to a party the fired workers throw every year to catch up & make fun of the old boss, at which point Dwight & Evan's pathes really split.

Dwight choses to go on the offense with a prank (which goes wrong and I'll get to in a second), meanwhile thoughout Evan's tome he is passive, and seems to internalize the lessons his father wanted him to.

I point to two large reasons for this, firstly Evan in his tome is around 14 if I remember right, at least a young teenager meanwhile Dwight is an adult during his, we don't know his exact age but it's been enough time for him to have had multiple jobs in the past & he looks like he does in the fog, so he can't be that young, obviously a young abused teenager whose being victimized by his father is going to react differently than an adult who can chose (with bad consequences but still) to just not interact with his abuser & leave the job, Dwight also had the benefit of having others cheering on action meanwhile Evan's friends were waiting for union rep to show up, taking action would have been unneeded risk, there is also the physical risk his father poses to him, especially because Evan suspects him of multiple murders.

But secondly, Evan had already been trained, goomed by his father to become his enforcer onr day, Evan was put in a situation where he felt like he had power when he had none so he won't lash out, or well moreso that his father would be able to control who he lashed out at, meanwhile Dwight had no illusion of power in the situation, he knew that compared to the ways his boss could fuck him over he was nothing, so he felt vindicated to lash out at the boss, the right person, Dwight was able to see clearly who was fucking him & his friends over meanwhile Evan lived with the wool over his eyes.

That does bring me to another common point of their stories, betrayal, Dwight was in all likelihood lied to about what the drugs did, the scene where Dwight is told about and given the drugs really reads to me that the guy that gave them to him lied to Dwight so he'd do it since they didn't have access to the old boss. Meanwhile in Evan's tome his father reveals that he paid off one of the miners who then told him about the drawing Evan had been doing against his father's wishes, I do have some doubts that his father was being honest, I personally think it is possible he threatened the miner or found out some other way, but that's besides the point, the point is both Evan & Dwight reach a point where they are put in some very bad fucking situations due to others that they trusted.

And the pair react wildly different, making it so clear how they ended up on the pathes of one becoming the unwilling but prime example of a killer in the fog, while Dwight ended up leader of the survivors, a prime example of someone who won't give up hope to escape.

Dwight is revealed in a later tome by thr Observer to have been offered a large settlement from the company due to the workplace abuse to keep it all hush hush, but... Dwight didn't take it, refused to take it unless he & the others got an apology, as far as we can see and tell from canon so far, Dwight doesn't blame the person that gave him the drugs he used, and he doesn't feel guilt over what happened or if he does it isn't clouding him to the abuse that lead to that moment, he knows that he & the others are deserving of an apology, showing a strong moral backbone and he is ultimately punished for this, living in poverty and having to take dangerous and demeaning jobs because he won't go along with the capitalist machine.

Meanwhile Evan lashes out at the miners, without even a second thought to what desperation might have made them betray him for money, he aids his father in shutting down the attempt at bringing in the union and it appears this is the first of many times Evan helps kill or does it himself, in short he ends up doing exactly what his father wanted him to do, he takes his role in the capitalist machine and still is unable to see his own victimhood.

#dead by daylight #dbd #Dwight Fairfield #evan macmillan #the trapper #dbd dwight #dbd evan macmillan #dbd trapper #dbd meta #dead by daylight meta #my meta #meta #analysis #drugging #abuse #parental abuse

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imraespace · 3 months ago

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guys I wanna rant a bit..

REMEMBER THAT ONR TIME I said I blocked my friends n blah blah I didn't mention this one online friend but OMG I LOVE HER SM she's the only one who came out and texted me on tiktok and it was quite a long message I almost cried AND WE MADE UP AND she even told me to take a break and I did!! I took a break from messaging ppl for a while BUT MY ONE FRIEND IRL yk the one I talked abt with her bf being her bsf ex when I unblocked her and explained it to her she left me on read FOR DAYS THEN MESSAGED IN THE GC ABT HISOKA JUST YESTERDAY? SHE LEFT ME ON READ FOR WEEKS. idgaf abt hisoka😒😒

I love my online bsf kinda sad someone I met online 2 years ago treats me better than an irl friend I've known for 8+ years..

that same friend told me that I've changed apparently.. and I did technically.. one day I'll show my old messages LMAO BUT EVEN SO OVER THE YEARS I STILL LOOK OUT FOR FRIENDS I EVEN GOT QUESTION IF IM 16-18 WHEN I WAS 14 BC OF THE WAY I ACTED ONLINE AND I STILL ACT THE SAME bc that's how I treat my friends!

but now she speaks abt her weird ass bf and rant to me abt her parents and me being the friend I am I hear her out but now it's pissing me off bc she doesn't listen to me I'm debating if I should block her again.

#imraesrandom #imraespace -♡

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sizhui · 1 year ago

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hello clari i hope you’re doing well! how do you feel about rei’s ending in slow damage? i know a lot of people don’t like that he drops his femininity but i feel like his happy end is accepting the masculinity he spent so long denying and i was wondering what you think! ^-^

Hello, hellooooo! Ok (cracks my knuckles) ive been silent on slowdam for a while with some thoughts cooking in my head and i feel like its time to let a few of them out - to talk about how i feel about rei's route, i must first explain my understanding of slow damage in its entirety... i talked about it here and there to emery and dove but here comes a synthesis!

I warn you: this is only my unconventional analysis, and I think that many will find it unsatisfying and disagree. If anyone wants to discuss or criticize any of my points, i am open to having my mind changed.

Huge thanks to Renne who introduced me to Surodame and set me on the path of studying it!

Under the cut TW: rape, csa

Slow Damage is a story about the consequences and the cyclic nature of abuse. Abuse sticks its claws into you and rakes down, leaving behind four ditches - orderly in some cases, and more chaotic in others. Either way, even as the skin and flesh heal, there is now a generous amount of empty space in you, and Slow Damage poses a question - what will you fill it up with, hmm?

I went into this VN knowing only that Towa enjoys rather extreme forms of self harm, and I have to admit that this was precisely what captivated my attention at first - the promise of a severely damaged protagonist, and the hope that he is more than a run-of-the-mill masochist. I was not disappointed.

The extent to which towa relates injury to sex and pain to pleasure immediately made me suspect the sort of trauma he must have endured in childhood. For a moment, I thought: Isn't the solution to this mystery a little too obvious? Looking back at the lack of subtlety, though, I don't think that Towa being a CSA victim was supposed to be some kind of a grand reveal. The point wasn't in cracking the mystery, in understanding motivations and getting concrete answers - the point was observing onr case of the consequences of abuse that will tell us - no, ASK us - something about all of them. HOW does the thing that happened to Towa keep happening over and over, and in silence too? What mechanisms allow it to happen, and to stay hidden? What all sorts of people, some of them generally good and kind, participate in these mechanisms?

Let us retrace our steps.

Maya forced her own son into violent prostitution from a very young age, all the while teaching him how to use charms to his advantage, how to manipulate people and fulfill their desires in order to gain control over them. The WAY she taught those things methodically seems to insinuate that this was something she herself had been taught at a young age and passed on; the art of assuming the exact persona you need to prod into people's insides. This isn't to say that her actions classify as excusable - in fact, isn't the fact that she's putting her child through the horrors she experienced herself even more disgusting? I wonder if her lessons in human psychology were all for the self-obsessed purpose of turning her son into a copy of herself... or was she, in a twisted way, thinking it would hell him endure and rise the way that she did? I am going to let that question hang in the air - after all, the point of Surodame isn't to review individual motivations, but to ask questions about the grander scheme of things. That is precisely why I cried together with Towa upon reading the strangely frail account of Maya's diary: I just can't make this work... realizing that the slow-growing disease had spread beyond that mother-son duo, beyond the walls of Euphoria, beyond Shinkoumi... in every corner of the world, there are hundreds of Mayas and Towas, and millions upon millions of Silent Takus wondering what they could have done differently.

For starters I want to focus on Towa himself. When I think about him, the first phrase that comes to mind is 'a void filled with the dregs of abuse'. Though he himself doesn't remember his abuse throughout the first three routes, his every move is a reflection of it: every sexual encounter both a self-inflicted wound and an attempt to affirm: IT'S ME WHO CHOSE TO DO THIS TO MYSELF, which is why Towa's breakdown upon realizing that not even his scars are his own is especially painful. I like the choice of stating that Maya did not like nor understand art. She COULDN'T understand it. Though the penchant for uncovering people's dark desires and the ability to read them were all influenced by Maya, the instinct to paint those is Towa's. The art that almost died together with him was the one thing that belonged to him alone - and yet, there is comfort in the fact that the true route ends with him saying that he doesn't know whether he'll paint anymore or not. What matters is that he quit performing euphoric episodes, closed the cycle of abuse and perpetuating Maya's ideals, and began walking towards a peaceful life. The sight of the atelier in the main menu all clean and bright upon Towa's vision returning to normal made me strangely emotional; the reveal that the painting was never dark and muddy, that the atelier was never that dark and scary... the final tour around Shinkoumi with everyone telling Towa that he looks like something good had happened to him... at the end of a very painful road, Towa still found some comfort in existing.

But what of Fujieda? Of Madarame, of Rei, Taku? For a BLVN, isn't it strange to go 6 paragraphs deep without mentioning any of the love interests?

I will preface this by saying that, to me, the very point of Surodame lies in the fact that none of them are ultimately good boyfriends to Towa. I really wanted to interpret the actions of the three sans Madarame more charitably than I do now, but in reasoning with myself, I failed at every single attempt. They are, to varying degrees and each in their own way, a deadend.

Let's go route by route.

Murase Takuma is a kind man in a way Towa is not - this is driven into our heads from the start, he is a doctor. He cares for children, workers and the elderly. He even lends an ear to them outside of his responsibilities as their physician, overworking himself to the brink of death. His role as a caretaker of a hopeless, bleak person like Towa, an addict who is destructive towards both himself and others, can certainly be percieved as saintly. Even his actions of keeping Towa's past from him, burning letters and throwing away packages, were all for the sake of preserving Towa's sanity! However, though Taku's intentions are pure, I can't read them as benign. Well - he is probably the most benign of the four men Towa involves himself with, being the only one who never physically lashed out on him. Neither abuser nor victim, Taku is a third thing entirely - an observer. A hider, a savior, a carer... and at its core, though not intentionally, an enabler. I do agree that there was nothing Taku could have done to save Towa as a child. There just wasn't a way to take Towa away from Euphoria while Maya lived. I do believe that he did the best he could, patching Towa up time after time... staying throughout the years, changing the bedding, throwing out the liquor bottles. Eat something, Towa. Smoke less, Towa. Once Towa got a lot older, Taku grew to love him romantically. Though I find it unsavory, Towa is over twenty-five at this point so it's not really some big deal. The much more dreadful power imbalance than that in age is the fact that Taku is holding the entirety of Towa's past, his abuse, and his identity over his head. Once again, I'm not calling Taku out as a gaslighter here - not in this route, at least, since Towa had no interest in his true identity at this point anyway. But you can't deny that their happy ending - embracing under the cherry blossoms with a calmer, more mature looking Towa, his hair a clean black, an orderly cardigan billowing behind him - is a sort of a quiet misery. Taku loves the man he saved (raised?), the man who presumably quit painful sex for his sake, and Towa doesn't even know what it is that he's being saved from. Towa is a hole. I really might not have interpreted this ending so negatively if it wasn't for the scene of Taku showing Towa a photograph of him as a little child in a restaurant with his mother. This smiling child prostitute in an orderly little boys' getup, dining with his pimp mother and his future lover. It felt to me like a means of truly driving into our brains the extent of Taku's helplessness, delusion, failure, and LIES. The photograph is a fabricated reality, a fabricated happy past that he feeds to Towa. In this route, this is what Towa filled the ditch with - a daydream, and sweet vanilla sex that doesn't scratch his itch. I can't give them more than five years before Towa falls back into his old habits. The end.

Now we get to Rei, who you originally asked me about. I am sorry I dragged it out to this extent, but I truly can't talk about Rei alone without addressing the grand scheme of things. Rei is also a sort of a carer to Towa, though a more casual one. A friend friend rather than a dad friend, I say this with half a scowl hanging off my face. Let us review Rei's situation with gender - due to his toxic, abusive dad (who was also a child sex trafficker, might I add!) degrading him for his homosexuality and saying it made him less of a man, Rei developed an aversion to masculinity, speaking in onee-kotoba and growing out his hair and such. At some point he attempted to cut off his own penis in Towa's presence, but ended up hesitating and not going through. All in all, he decided to drop all things associated with traditional masculinity other than street fighting, which he uses to vent out his frustration. This is the key word here - FRUSTRATION. Rei's frustration grows to hundred percent when he is forced to enter to-the-death matches. Killing opponent after opponent, Rei grows more frustrated and less and less like his friendly effeminate self. I think the key solution to the question of 'how is the writing of rei's gender handled?' Is the fact that Rei rediscovered his masculinity through violence. And Slow Damage is not a game that... likes violence, encourages it, or overall relates it to anything remotely positive. I don't think that Rei reconnected to his masculinity in a healthy way, and I don't think it's meant to be read as a cool finding himself arc. Most of all, it's not his or Towa's happy ending. Towa... the thing is that Rei only realized a sexual attraction to Towa once the amount of violence in his life amplified to the max. As his level of 'manliness' grew. Their sex scene is very frank about this - after he and Towa beat each other into bloody pulp, he says something along the lines of 'I'm a man and I want to fuck you.' I think it drives the point further that he was the only virginal love interest to that point - when he percieved himself as a woman, he had no violent sexual appetites, or at least didn't see a way towards realizing them. Once he 'reverted' into a man though, he could fuck Towa. He could claim his prize - who has no objections, given that it feeds perfectly into his own penchant that I described at the start. And their ending, showing us a casually manly Rei biking with Towa? We have no proof that he's in any way abusive, nor that they're unhappy, but... this 'new gender' of his, he built it up with bricks made of blood, some of it Towa's. I don't think Rei reached a happy ending. I think Rei is a feminine person, or at the very least a gender nonconforming man who retreated back into the closet within the violent festa that his father brought upon him... many will disagree, but this is how I read it - a manhood built up on violence equals unhapliness for two. I think Towa and Rei might stay together longer than Towa and Taku would, but it won't bring either of them any healing. The end.

Madarame's route is the simplest, since Madarame does not hide himself behind any masks. He is a violent, shameless pedophile rapist who gladly continues paving the road of self-destruction that Maya had left off half-finished. I think that placing this ending behind Taku and Rei's serves as a bit of a wake up call who felt pacified by the former two - um, hey, hello? Did you forget? This is not a 'happy story'. For some three hours you watch Madarame break Towa psychologically, repeatedly rape and torture him - only to release him back to Taku and Rei for Towa to find that he can't truly fit im with them anymore. What purpose does it serve? Well, I think it just shows us that there never was any long-term happiness waiting for Towa with either of those men. I think the purpose of the Madarame route, beyond preparing us for the true route, is to totally nullify the effect of the first two. A 'forget what you thought you knew' type of detail. Broken into obedience, a wild blond Towa kissed Madarame after a boxing match. The end.

Fujieda.

He perplexes me the most, and I'm still not entirely certain in the answer I arrived to. Why would the author who penned this painfully real story about abuse have Towa end up with a man who - midway through the route - raped him? I tried to work wonders to explain this to myself, try to interpret it differently, but the truth is concrete. Fujieda raped Towa in a fit of rage, and then with a sober mind refused to apologise for it. Why would this be in a 'painfully real story about abuse?'

...precisely because it's painfully real. It happened to Towa. It happened to a million others. It might happen to you. When you hit your knee, do your fingers not venture to fondle the bruise, press down for a small reminder of what the pain felt like? The fingers are usually kind, but once in a while, they press down.

And again - Fujieda does not consistently abuse Towa. In fact, he gives him his first taste of truly pleasurable sex in a scene that pushed me to the brink of tears in its sad honesty. When Fujieda has a good day, he gently washes the remnants of assault out of Towa. But when he had an extremely bad way, he was the perpetrator of the assault. I think it's 'painfully real' for Towa to end up with such a man. After coming to terms with his past, this was the best he could do. This was as much as he could save himself. The VN ends on such a note - don't be too happy for him, and don't be too sad. I do believe that Fujieda brought Towa some comfort and clarity, but I can't say that this isn't a deadend, too. Just a more peaceful one in the light. In the ocean.

What's the point then, if Towa ends up stranded no matter what choices you make? Let's return to the beginning, to the ditch abuse made in you. Sometimes you fill it in with fantasies, sometimes with violence, sometimes with the 'next best thing', a 'he's a good man you know, he's only rough when he drinks' typa marriage... no matter what, fact is that all abused kids seek to fill it in with something familiar. Something they know and recognize. It yearns to be filled, it aches for it - whatever you're ready to dish out, just put it in! I think this merry-go-round of victims and perpetrators is what Surodame is tryong to turn our eyes towards, or at least force us to stop averting them. So that you may not scorn the Towa in your life, so that if you are a Towa yourself, you may find comfort in knowing that someone somewhere dreemed you up, empathized with you and lead your hand along the path. Why, then, do we not see our Towa free?

Well, the future is long. He was in an ocean. Maybe he walked out.

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hopeheartfilia · 9 months ago

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im finally reading six crimson cranes and i made the mistake of actually looking it up on here like its fine i wont get spoiled it wont impact my experience even if i do

just to find out that i genuienly was wondering ehich onr would be the main love interest and actually i kinda care about it. Like dont get me wrong i like my mans hes kind but. Green. Like my hair is green for a reaosn i am duty bound over here. Like. Okay maybe it makes sense and will probably represent her narrative growth because shiori in the begining of the book wouldve picked the dragon but after her charavther growth she grows to appreciate the normalicy of being human and having a shorter life and accepting your duty or whatever

But. Dragon.

I mean to be fair if they stay close friends id probably be happy but i dont know how it will go

#six crimson cranes

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fansandtheic · 10 months ago

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Lexie's Story

"Eragon truly takes me back to a different time period, through the books but also in my life.

I started the Inheritance series when I was in elementary school and immediately fell in love with the characters. I re-read Eragon more times than I care to admit. Reading was my escape from a harsh reality that I called home. My school library finally got a copy of Eldest, and I devoured it just as quickly and with as much interest. My school library did not carry the final two books and I made several attempts to find them. When I finally read Brisingr I was aching to find the final book but was unsuccessful many times! For years I thought the author passed away before being able to finish an incredible series. During this period of time the internet wasn’t in our pockets how it is today. I wasn't able to use the computer at home, and during my last year of elementary school through the end of eighth grade, I lived in group homes and other alternative living situations. So you can probably imagine that using a computer or having internet access wasn't easy. For a long while I gave up on the idea of finding out what happened to Eragon, Saphira, and the world of Alagaësia.

I would imagine I was beautiful and full of grace like Arya, fantasizing that one day there would be movies made of the series and I would be casted as her. Although I didn't know the ending, I was (and still am) a bookworm at heart, and my love for the world and the characters made me a forever fan of the Inheritance Cycle.

As I reached adulthood, I met someone who was also a fan of the series. She informed me there was in fact a final book! I received a copy that same year for my birthday… and put off reading it. Even though I finally had the opportunity to finish the series and was eager to do so for nearly 10 years, it suddenly felt very bittersweet. After another handful of years, I finally brought myself to read Inheritance. I took the better part of a year reading it, savoring the words so as not to finish it too quickly. I knew finishing it would mean there was no more to the series, just my thoughts about everything that happened in the pages of those four familiar books. It was bittersweet, bringing the series to an end, like a chapter of my childhood had been closed that I wasn't quite ready to let go of. And then something amazing happened.

A few months after finishing the series, I was in a Barnes and Noble, looking for fresh reads. And that’s when i came across Murtagh. I could hardly believe my eyes. I have yet to read it, but this time i feel more prepared; it doesn’t feel so much like an ending. The Inheritance Cycle will always hold a very special place in my heart and I thank Christopher Paolini from the bottom of my heart for sharing such a heartfelt and incredible world with us. I so look forward to Disney making a tv series from the books, and hope it is all I’ve ever dreamed of. Of course, I won’t be playing as Arya, but I will always love and be inspired by her. Thank you Mr. Paolini for making my childhood so much better through an escape to a world filled with magic, dragons, elves, and dwarves.

Atra esterní ono thelduin. Mor'ranr lifa unin hjarta onr. Un atra du evarínya ono varda."

~ Lexie

#reading #fansandtheic #inheritance cycle #eragon #christopher paolini #eldest #dragons #alagaësia #fantasy #saphira #Murtagh #Eldest #Arya #disney

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brandwhorestarscream · 1 year ago

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I hope you're feeling better!

Sorry I just now saw your request for asks and stuff and so I'm really curious: how would you write tfa omega supreme x bummblebee? I love your writing style and thought process and so I'm curious how you would do this?

Ok, I'm gonna preface this with an apology: it's been almost 10 years since I watched TFA, and my memory of Omega Supreme is incredibly fuzzy, and I can count the number of fics I've read about him on onr hand (two. It's literally only two). I can't guarantee this will be in character or even terribly interesting, so 👉👈 please accept my apology beforehand

Having said that, if I was going to dream up an entire love story for them, the general blocking would start with the actual introduction. The discovery by Bumblebee that Omega Supreme is a sentient, sapient mecha like him, tho iirc that's not exactly aligned with canon. I seem to recall Perceptor saying that Omega Supreme was designed with an extremely processor, and Ratchet saying it was because they didn't want him to think too much about the devestation he was going to cause. So idk if he's actually incapable of complex thought, or if there was some sort of inhibitor installed to keep him compliant and unawarem regardless, there will hsve to be some precursor event that kickstarts the entire story and gets him to the point he can actually form complex connections and be capable of falling in love. That's where I'd start, dreaming up the why and how he's able to come into himself

Next block would be the initial contact--he and Bumblebee actually meeting. It's almost a mirror of the typical "large alien meets smol human" that transformers is so fond of, except the large alien is just Omega Supreme who's far too large for earth or Cybertron, and the so-called human companion is Bumblebee. There's mutual confusion and a bit of fear on either side, but they pretty quickly realize neither means the other any harm

Next block would be the arc wherein Omega discovers who he is and what it means to be a person--what smiling is, what true laughter feels like. His first time feeling sad, feeling angry, his first time experiencing everything the world has to offer. His first time seeing natural beauty in the form of a sunrise or a glowing meteor storm in space, his first time seeing the injustices and cruelty that life can so often offer. He forms his own thoughts and opinions, likes and dislikes, his own dreams and desires. He becomes himself, for the very first time, and Bumblebee is there with him through it all. Helping guide him as best he can, a faithful, consistent friendly face giving him encouragement and comfort and advice. Bee is pretty young too, but he's got infinite experience on Omega, and seeing the other go through the rawest experiences of life for the first time is a truly magical blessing.

I don't think either of them would be aware of their feelings, at first. Omega doesn't have the vocabulary to properly articulate this very specific feeling, and he doesn't have any frame of reference for what this is. Of course he's attached to Bumblebee, his first friend and constant companion since his first moments of true consciousness. The little yellow bot has shared all of his meaningful experiences with him thus far, so of course he has warm, fuzzy feelings for him. Even when he hears of what romance is for the first time, he doesn’t think that's what this is. It doesn't feel burning or desperate or needy, this feels... nice. Soft, and warm.

And Bee, he falls in love with him through each of the memories they create, so slowly and tenderly he doesn't even realize the warmth he feels toward his friend has blossomed into something much deeper. Neither of them realize it until they're threatened with separation: maybe Cybertron wants Omega Supreme back, upon realizing he's fully functioning and basically an enormous super soldier they could use to completely exterminate the decepticons. The threat of being torn apart and potentially never seeing each other again is probably the catalyst, tho it's still a delayed reaction. It makes then realize they don't ever want to be apart and being without the other seems intensely wrong, but only in the aftermath when the imminent threat has been dealt with does Bumblebee have an "oh" moment

Idk how their relationship as a whole would go after that, but gimme enough time and I could probably dream smthn up 🤔 anyway, uh, I hope you enjoyed this! Please lmk your thoughts or if there's anything you think we ought to add 💖

#omega supreme #bumblebee #i am in fact not feeling better but im getting discharged from the hospital so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#OS×BB AU

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