#no one will ever love me

[notdelusionalatall]

TW for SA, SH, suicide

because i was assaulted

because no one took it seriously

because i blame myself

because my friend told me it was my fault

because she also told me that only pervs love me

because my friend mocked my suicide attempt

because she also mocked me for self harming

because no one will ever love a girl with scars

because i am failing in college

because i am paranoid of people

because i am ugly

because i have no friends

because my first kiss was against my will

because whenever i bring it up i get yelled at as if i am in the wrong

because they tell me to "deal with it"

because whenever i try to seek help from them they go "what do you want me to do, kill him? just calm down and deal with it" (this feels like manipulation)

because i am annoying

because i am a menace

because i should have never been born

because i think about eliminating myself daily

because i am a mistake

because i disappointed my parents

because my family is ashamed of my scars

because they tell me to hide them at all costs

because no one gets it

because everyone avoids me

because everyone labels me as crazy

and so on and so on

[whycantithinkofaurl]

I have determined it is impossible for people to love me or be kind to me, if they know me too well. Something about the truth of who I am just illicits hatred and unkindness

[yourshoulderdemon]

I think i just admitted to myself something i havent before, ans now i feel like crying.

I want to be actually loved. My mom never loved me, she told me that over several years of my life. Saying that im a failed abotion and that she wished i had never been born.

I want someone to truely love me, every psrt of me. The trans part of me, the system part of me, the bpd, adhd, Autism, all of it.

Someone who wont be ashamed of me, or someone who will post me on their story.

Someone who will hug me when im crying and not tell me to suck it up or they make me regret it.

Im so broke, i doubt anyone would actually love all of me, but thats all i want. Just someone to love me and care about me. All of me, not just the persona i put on irl.

[liesmultixxx]

why does my crush ignore me?? like i always smile at him and he just looks at me like he wants to kill me

i swear i won’t fall for someone ever again

it’s all pointless anyway

most of my friends have been in relationships or have had ✨other✨ experiences but me? zero. nada. NOTHING

maybe i just need to accept the fact that i’ll forever be alone

[happyheidi]

𝖠𝗋𝗍 𝖻𝗒 𝖠𝗇𝗇𝖺-𝖫𝖺𝗎𝗋𝖺 𝖲𝗎𝗅𝗅𝗂𝗏𝖺𝗇 | 𝖨𝖦: 𝖺𝗇𝗇𝖺𝗅𝖺𝗎𝗋𝖺_𝖺𝗋𝗍

[bxnnybb]

⟡ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ ⟡ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁⟡

ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ ᴋɪʟʟ ᴍᴇ.

⟡ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ ⟡ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁⟡

[lavenderycul]

spiralling, googling ‘are eating disorders a form of munchausen’ bc i just realised i don’t believe anyone will ever care about me as not one person ever questioned my health in my eating disorders

[stabbedpixels]

i'm heavier than when i started my diet. i don't understand what i'm doing wrong, i've been barely eating over 800 calories everyday, why did i gain

[aanabear2803]

my life is currently the cringe Marichat scene

[stargirl230]

thanks for the light

I was just trying to figure out how procreate works but then the op brainworms got to me and 35 hours later here we are! can you tell I miss home-cooked meals :')

(no reposts; reblogs appreciated)

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

[hinamie]

I don't want to regret the way I lived

[sergeant-angels-trashcan]

Yall remember how Texas had that "report an abortion" form that they had to take down after a week?

Well, Missouri has one, only it's for reporting transgender concerns.

Comrades. Friends. Romans. Countrymen. You know what to do.

[cetoddle-archive]

i feel like every time i turn around someone around me is finding love. i feel alone in a crowded room except i'm just crying in my bed

[thegurlwhoisntthere]

Okay, so this isn’t really related to the larger parts of the season, but-

Can I just say I absolutely love how they introduced Callum’s dad?

Like, there are so many theories about him, that he was an elf, that he was a warrior who died, that he just up and left them, but in actuality? He was a poet. He was a poet with a sickness from birth and he died from that when Callum was young. He was kind and Sarai loved him. Harrow even respected him and I genuinely love that.

It also makes more sense that it would’ve been harder for Callum to connect with Harrow in the face of that. His dad wasn’t some warrior who died before he knew him, he wasn’t some elf that he never knew, or some deadbeat who left his mom. He was a kind heart poet who was born with a sickness that couldn’t be cured.

That’s extraordinarily tragic, but I love it.

[whororhoe]

i may be the one with that left

but you are the one that ended it;

and i don’t think there’s anything courageous

about maintaining a lie

you don’t even want to live.